#well its not our frozen
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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guinevereslancelot · 10 months ago
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sitting in a blooming garden would fix me
#flowers WHEN#i have one teeny snowdrop just starting to form a flower 🥲#worried its going to get killed by the cold front coming in tho#its an early blooming fancy one that honestly probably won't live idk what i was thinking when i bought it#literally nothing else is close to flowering tho#i just get so anxious for spring flowers in january i start blowing money pre ordering stuff tho#i ordered a bunch of snowdrops and some bare root hydrangeas and roses#idek how im gonna plant them the ground is probably frozen and we're about to get a foot of snow#what is wrong with me#the hydrangeas tho were a gift from my mom#i've wanted the white kind for a really long time and i told her one of my friends might get married at our house in the next few years#so she ordered them so they'll have time to establish and we'll have big beautiful white flowers for her wedding#which was really nice of her#anyway my friend was so excited and touched when i offered :')#she's not officially engaged but she's halfway thru her degree and she and her bf are planning to get married soon after they both graduate#so in two or three years the hydrangeas should be pretty well established and nice for a wedding#anyway im off track but im excited for all the stuff i ordered to be beautiful and blooming this summer#less excited to figure out how to plant them 🤔#the roses are shipping at ideal planting time in april but the hydrangeas are coming this week for some reason#i cant plant those??? in january???#i will have to try ig#i probably can we'll see#this has been a shitpost
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krembearry · 1 year ago
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arahcuhghsuisk;ld
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arolesbianism · 4 months ago
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I've been passively watching an isat playthrough while twiddling my thumbs in my current oni save as I wait for my new power systems to be done and hey guys. I think one of these bitches is aromantic. Why did no one tell me one of these bitches is aromantic I would have played the game myself if I knew that
#rat rambles#ok tbf I still theoretically Could but I dont think Id survive playing through the like first 6 hours of the stuff Ive already seen#anyways current review is that it's rly well written so far and I like how well the worldbuilding is implemented naturally in the dialogue#having odile be a presumably anthropologist or smth along those lines does wonders for this ofc but even with that its amazing how#natural the party feels when discussing their different cultures#and ofc I am staring at mirabelle hard. this game is clearly not shying away in the slightest from queer topics so. blinks oh so sweetly#I am sooooo fucking desperate for canonically aro characters who are actually written to be aro if she talks abt it at all I Will cry#honestly real con of this is that its making me conceptualize an eternal gales au which is not what I should be thinking abt this early#also its a problem because Im pretty dead set on the idea that aris would be sif and that means tali is off limits#which is unfortunate because I think itd be funny to make her mirabelle on the sole basis of her maybe being aro#otherwise the assignments are pretty easy even if some of them would be looser fits than others based on my current knowledge#mase would be odile fydd would be bonnie and sier would be iz#for mira Im thinking if I wanted to get funky with it then maybe bloom? it doesnt effect sier too much since I can just make it so his mom#was the one frozen in time or smth#now bloom is rly only in the running because of the leftover human kids shes somehow the best choice despite being 9 years old lol#dodie is off the table since I try to practice restraint when using dodie in aus#and the snake triplets are well. the snake triplets.#they have about a billion things that makes them hard to fit into any au#now I could use a stalien instead but thats a Really hard choice for me to make given the rest of the selected cast#plus none of them actually fit that much better than bloom would tbh?#like to be clear basically the only thing keeping bloom from being an easy pick is that shes 9#like I could just do it anyways but I should probably wait a lil bit to make sure mira doesnt pull out some crazy shit to change my mind#based on what I do know the only one thats rly a bit of a stretch is sier but Im ok with that I can just slap a different character arc in#rly most fucked up thing abt this cast is that aris our sif is second tallest#which feels deeply wrong to me especially once you consider the hat#her siouette is going to be all fucked up and different from sif's shes going to be so big compared to them#shes not even That tall shes like 5'8 thats just tall compared to most of her companions#in canon shes the third tallest of the friend group and second tallest not counting dodie#so its mase then her and in this hypothetical au the rest of the garden gnome squad#sier is 5'1 fydd is 5 flat and bloom is 4'9 if Im remembering correctly
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frozenchikenporkbeef · 5 months ago
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We have persistently offered premium quality frozen meat products "Frozen Chicken , Frozen Pork and Frozen Beef" We are putting forth an entire scope of Frozen Food items. We are tallied among the main exporters, shippers and dealers of Frozen Meat Products, for example, Halal Frozen Chicken, Chicken Eggs, Frozen Beef, Frozen Pork and that’s just the beginning. We export our items to the USA, UK, Europe, Middle East, Africa , Asia and different nations for its freshness, predominant quality, important nourishment and in addition driving edge innovation. Our offered items are synonymous to unmatched quality and also norms. We are a wholesale food distributing company with a large history of selling fresh and frozen food like frozen chicken, beef, and pork. Since 1994 , We have been a wholesale distributing company of some of the biggest brands of Brazilian goods such fresh and frozen poultry food of brand producers, We focused mainly in Frozen Meats - Beef, Pork, Poultry Products. We have representative offices in Belarus, China and Argentina and we are dealing with over 30 countries worldwide. The company has more than 33 years of working experience within the meat sector. We hold strong relations with Baltic producers. The industry has but one goal, to provide healthy chicken and promote health and happiness around the world. Well not all the chicken that is produced goes out. Brazil's chicken production in 2016 reached an astounding 13.4 million of which 66% stayed home. It was necessary because Brazil is one of the top chicken consumers in the world. The per capita consumption of Brazil is 41.8 Kg which needs to be met.
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nexus-nebulae · 9 months ago
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im trying to learn how to better keep & reheat leftovers (bc if i dont know how to do a specific thing my brain won't let me try At All) and im getting better at eating bc im learning how to rely on food i know i like & lasts me at least a few days but is very easily heatable
#frozen meals are quick but i cannot rely on them#because they always either taste really off or i'm allergic to like 5 things in them (BROCCOLI WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE)#but if i know a recipe my mom can make at home#then we just make like 4 servings and i eat that for 4 days#and i genuinely do really like eating the same meal every day (it's The Tism™) so it really works#usually i really only know how to reheat things with rice & pasta#because. well. i eat a lot of rice and pasta#but other foods like. my brain goes BAD NO when i get it out of the fridge bc its Not How Im Used To#like i always have a strong reaction to refrigerated chicken bc it smells SO BAD as a leftover but its still fine#but my brain is like *NO!!!! ROTTEN!!!!! SPOILED!!!!!!* i have to like convince it it's fine with Facts and Logic#and so i'm learning how these foods react to being refrigerated so it doesnt freak me out (REFRIGERATED SOUP MY BEFUDDLING)#and learning how to make them last longer (i can save my sandwiches now without the bread getting rock hard!!)#and its kind of helping me eat more often#it doesnt help as much with the days where brain says No Food No Thanks Fuck You#but it DOES help with the days where i dont have the energy/time/physical ability to make something else#usually i don't eat a lot when my mom isn't home because i need her help with Basically Everything now#but if i have something i can quickly shove into the microwave its a lot easier for me to get food by myself#AND i have our crappy old microwave in my room (its 700w lmao) so if i REALLY cant do much#i can just snatch the food from the fridge and sit in bed while it heats up#i'm planning on getting a mini fridge for my room soon to stock emergency meals#the one im looking at is only 200$ plus it has a mini freezer too so i might actually be able to in a couple months#which makes me happy i love finally making progress on accessibility goals
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lola-writes · 5 months ago
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Duty Is Sacrifice
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Pairing: Cregan Stark x Velaryon/Strong!reader
Word Count: 2,6k
Themes & Warnings: Winterfell, pov. first person, feelings realization, fluff and smut, fingering, orgasm
Summary: Queen Rhaenyra sends you to treat with Lord Cregan Stark for the support of the North. In him you find not only an ally, but something deeper as well…
Song: Skin and Bones (Cinematic) - David Kushner
Masterlist | Add yourself to my taglist
Likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!
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The wilderness beyond the Wall sprawled before me atop the outlook, an uncharted immensity dripping with anathema. A frozen wasteland, it held a cold that seemed to seep into your very soul, promising to turn your bones to ice with a single, lingering glance.
The stories from the seasoned rangers down below had painted a vivid picture, but this, this was a masterpiece beyond mere words. The frigid air, a living entity, tore at my dark hair and the borrowed furs – those very furs my stubborn pride had initially dismissed. Now, the only thing missing from mirroring those same hardened rangers was a permanent furrow etched between my brows, a testament to countless nights spent battling the elements. 
Their Lord was a wall of warmth which prevented the gnawing chill from consuming me. His massive form broadened at my side, his very presence thawing me. Turning to him, I observed the furrow deepening between his brows as he regarded me, though it wasn’t a testament to the cold, but rather something concerned. 
“Winterfell beckons, Princess,” he said, his timber thick with northern accent, “Let us return to warm you.” 
His gloved hand, rough yet surprisingly gentle, reached out for me. Relief washed over me as I grasped it, the worn leather a welcome anchor against the treacherous turret steps.
“Blazing fires. Hot stew. How’s that sound?” His stoic expression nearly cracked to the rumble in my stomach. I noticed I was still supported in his grasp well beyond danger, when I felt his thumb tracing reassuring circles on the back of my hand, sending a delicious shiver snaking down my spine.
Gently, I returned it to my side. “That would be most pleasant, thank you my Lord.”
Days had bled into one another at his side, treating, feasting, drinking, strategizing, and though I had no doubt I had fixed him as an ally to my mother’s claim, some other heat beneath the veneer of alliance had begun to simmer in his gaze, a spark that mirrored the disquiet blooming in my own chest.
The iron cage groaned its descent down to Castle Black, echoing through the black shaft like cries of the damned. From the moment I stepped foot in Winterfell, he’d woven a tapestry of comfort. He recalled every detail I mentioned in passing, and behind his every effort to make me feel at home was a gesture conforming to something I’d previously told him I enjoyed – a steaming mug of my favorite herbal tea, a book on a subject I’d once expressed interest in. He was unlike any man I’d encountered. Each word he uttered was a silken caress, so gentle it felt like he feared his own timber could bruise me. But a heavy weight had settled in my chest. My replies had now become clipped, mere whispers that barely escaped my lips. There was so much more at stake now beyond my desires. Duty loomed heavy on my shoulders. I feared any careless words or lingering glances could brittle the alliance with the Starks to pieces.
We mounted our horses and begun our nigh-on two days ride back to Winterfell. Though not as biting as the Wall’s teeth, the wind on the Kingsroad still carried a relentless edge. The only warmth to be found radiated shyly from the small fires Cregan’s bannermen had built, and the thick fur I wove tightly around myself at night.
As the colossal granite form of Winterfell finally clawed its way up from the horizon, a wave of exhaustion crashed into me, settling heavy in my bones. Dismounting was an ordeal. Every muscle in my body throbbed in protest from the days’ ride. My legs, leaden weights, buckled before I could even consider lowering myself. 
But before I could hit the ground, strong arms, surprisingly gentle, encircled my waist, and lifted me from the saddle before I could even think to react. 
We stood there, my body swaying slightly in his arms, our eyes lingering on each other for a second beyond my comfort. His eyes, normally the clear blue of a summer sky, were now a stormy gray, swirling with unspoken concern. A tremor of something akin to fear danced in my chest, battling the unexpected flutter at his touch. 
“Apologies, my Lord,” I stammered, cheeks flushing with a heat that had naught to do with exertion. “Dragon saddle is one thing, but I fear horseback is another entirely.” I smiled apologetically. 
Cregan’s fingers lingered on my waist, a gentle caress that singed through my leathers and into my very skin, sending a jolt through me. He withdrew them slowly, and my side ached from their absence. 
“Fret not, Princess,” he rumbled, his voice a warm current, “Two days on horseback have felled men twice your size.”
I giggled to his obvious attempt at comforting me. “I wouldn’t bet on that,” I replied, taking trembling steps toward the castle.
Once in my chambers, I collapsed onto the bed; sleep, thick and heavy, stealing the day. When I finally opened my eyes, the only light in the room spilled from the dying embers in the hearth. 
A gnawing hunger, cold and insistent, hollowed my gut. With a deep breath, I rose, and dressed in my house colors, the fabric thick with responsibility. Then, I descended the steps in my hunt for scraps.
The massive oak doors of the Great Hall ground open, revealing a cavernous space bathed in the flickering, golden glow of a roaring fire. Laughter and the murmur of rough voices hung in the air. Fur cloaked figures huddled around the immense hearth at the far end, casting dancing shadows on the towering walls. Lord Stark sat amidst his bannermen; tankards raised in boisterous revelry. 
The merriment dipped as I entered. Heads swiveled my way, some splitting into knowing grins. The bannermen rose in unison, scattering like startled crows, their boisterousness replaced by a respectful chorus of greetings and a flurry of curt bows. 
“My regrets for missing supper,” I said, drawing Cregan’s heavy gaze. His shadowed form, a giant even in the flickering firelight, rose with a quiet grace that belied his imposing physique. 
“You need not worry,” he said, ladling steaming stew from a small pot over the fire and offered me the bowl with one hand. A grateful smile lit my face as I accepted it. 
“You grow quite comely as a serving girl,” I jested, a flicker of triumph igniting in my chest when his mouth quirked up into a faint smirk, a flicker of warmth dancing in his eyes, a rare concession on his normally stoic face. 
I settled onto the bench beside his chair and began devouring the stew, its meat and vegetables soothing the ache in my belly. As I ate, I stole glances at Cregan, his face bathed in the rich firelight, a mask of unreadable emotions. 
Regret, sharp and unwelcome, tightened in my chest as I observed him. I had a duty fulfilled, but a heart unsatiated. I had come to Winterfell to remind him of the oath his house swore to my mother, and he had not left me wanton. Yet, the journey back to Dragonstone loomed large in my mind. The prospect of leaving him, perhaps for a very long time, cast a long shadow. Unless he too agreed to join us.
“The Queen’s sworn allies are too few to win a war for the throne,” I declared, my voice tight with the weight of responsibility, “She needs your men.”
His jaw clenched, his stoicism returning like a steel mask. “Cursed be the Hightowers,” he growled, venom lacing his voice. “But winter is coming. War of dragons is never a small ordeal. If the Queen is in need of my men to defeat the usurper, you must allow me to wait out the winter.”
Despair clawed at my throat. Memories and tales of past winters surfaced, stretching on for months, even years. Without the full support of the North, we could be crushed before winter even loosened its icy grip. Perhaps reduced to cinders beneath the wrath of the dragons. 
“It will be too late,” I pleaded, the urgency in my voice cracking the carefully constructed façade I had built.
Cregan met my gaze, his eyes a stormy gray. “It’s the best I can do, Princess. I hope you will forgive me.”
A spark of anger ignited within me, battling the tendrils of despair. “You swore an oath, Lord Stark.”
He held my stare, unwavering. “I haven’t forgotten,” he said, “You will have two thousand greybeards that can be ready to march at once.”
“What of you?” My voice trembled, tears welling up before I had the strength to stop them. “What if this is goodbye?” 
Understanding suddenly dawned in his eyes, and his brows furrowed in what I thought was despair. He came to sit beside me, the wood groaning under his weight. His large, calloused thumbs painted the tears across my cheeks. 
“I assure you, Princess,” he said softly, “This is not goodbye.” His hand came up to grasp my chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting it up to meet his intense gaze. “I swear it,” he vowed, steel threading through his words. Hope surged through me; a lifeline cast into the churning sea of anguish. 
Starks do not forget an oath. 
“The Hightowers were doomed the second they put the imposter on that throne,” Cregan rumbled, his voice a low caress. 
The space between us seemed to have dissolved, his calloused hands engulfing mine in a firm, reassuring grasp. Silence stretched, thick with unspoken emotions, tension dripping like honey. I waited for him to say something else, but he remained still, quiet, his fingers slowly and gently exploring mine, each touch sending sparks of lightning up my arms. I met his gaze, my breathing shallowing as I realized his lips were but a whisper away, his dark eyes shimmering with heat, flickering with an unspoken hunger that seethed beneath my skin with each second. 
“Their betrayal…” His voice was barely a whisper, his fingers ceased their dance with mine, and began their path up my arms, “…will not go unpunished,” he said thickly, his hands now grazing my upper arms, up my shoulders, ceasing at the curve of my neck, the movement sending a sizzling sensation through my blood. 
With the cold that had plagued me so these last few days, I began to fever. My lips parted as if I was suddenly short of breath, and I felt a curious pulse that drifted between my thighs. My whole body, like to an unseen force, drew closer to him, and he tensed beneath his leathers. His frame vibrated with desperate restraint, the fire in his eyes warring between duty and sacrifice. 
“I am a man of honor,” he groaned. My stomach tightened as his hands inched up my neck and traced the line of my jaw, his coarse thumb brushing across my lips. 
Something tugged on my stomach from the inside as the fiery heat of his fingers burned through my skin. My breaths came out ragged and shallow while he remained silent, as though he was immersed in concentration. 
Without knowing the full implication of my words, I whispered, “Dishonor me.”
For the storm, only just contained, raged wild in his eyes, a low growl sounded from deep in his chest before he crashed his lips to mine. 
I received them with a low, beckoning gasp. My palms came up to his neck, my nails running the length of it as he explored my lips, the roof of my mouth, my teeth, and under my tongue. Then his lips traced my jaw, finding my ear, breathed his warm air into it, nibbled my lobe, then covered my throat in wet kisses. I tilted my head to grant him access, as low, sensual mewlings poured from my lips, something carnal infiltrating my veins.
His hands came down to my waist, and I gasped in surprise when he lifted me and placed me in his lap, my legs latching around his back. 
He was so big and warm and hard. His eyes were lazy and dark as his fingers began to lightly trace down the side of my neck, then hooking into my dress to bare my shoulder. He kissed it with an open mouth and moving tongue, and I quivered beneath his touch. Then, with a sharp sound of a tear, he had pulled my dress all the way down my abdomen. 
He groaned at the sight of me, his lips slightly parted, his hands delicately cupping my breasts as if he’d found treasure. When the cold made me shiver, he leaned into me to lend me his warmth, while his lips tantalized me, drawing close to my hardened nipple, blowing it with hot air, then backing off, kissing across my breastbone to the other, until I forced his mouth to it.
He hummed with throaty satisfaction, latching onto it and giving it one slow suck, grazing the skin with his teeth. I threw my head back with a gasp. White heat shot like lightning between my thighs, before pulsing into an empty ache. I swayed into him, bucking my hips into his groin, feeling him harden beneath me. He suckled my other breast in warm, slow pulses, circling the areola, drawing panting moans out of me, before he found my lips again. 
Gathering my skirts, he moved his hands underneath them, gripping the fullness of my thighs, kneading them, squeezing them, to the point it pinched me, and I bit his bottom lip in protest. 
Cregan Stark was a gentle giant in all matters but things salacious. 
A throaty sigh escaped his lips as his hands found my buttocks, kneading the flesh between his fingers. Hot, slick tingles pooled between my thighs, and my fingers curled in his hair. My body hummed in anticipation as his finger slid downward, a groan pouring out of me as he grazed over my wet opening. 
“Oh, Princess.” The words were like magic on his lips, shooting through my core in throbbing pulses. 
His other arm snaked around my waist, locking me to his body as he explored and moistened my folds, leaving me a bucking, moaning mess in his lap. 
I felt empty and sickly. A fog had infiltrated my vision, my skin, my mind, my inhibitions. I coveted him. I needed him, more than I needed anything else. His eyes alone could touch inside of me, but I could not explain the pulsing, throbbing, delirious effects of his hands, his mouth, his tongue, and I ached for more. I felt unfinished, incomplete. 
Until he slid a finger deep inside me, and I gasped. Hot, sweet pressure filled me, and once I adjusted, he introduced another, threatening to overfill as he fingered me. 
Fast and then lazy. 
Over and over. 
The room filled with wet squelching noises and my moaning squeals. His deeper, throatier moans vibrated through his chest and lit me on fire, burning in my lower stomach, blazing, desperate for feed, or I would disintegrate. 
My nails dug desperately into his shoulders, as any attempts of filling myself up to completion were in vain by the power of his grip around my waist. He trailed every inch of my neck, kissing it as it if were my mouth, with lips, tongue, and teeth. His fingers penetrated deep and curled inside of me, rubbing something within that sent pressure bursting into tingles and flames, my veins burning up like dragon fire, and stars sparkling behind my eyelids. I cried out with the purest ecstasy as my body shuddered and clenched around his fingers, and he groaned against my skin with dark satisfaction as I clung to him desperately.
Once my trembles ceased and I managed to catch my breath, he took my cheeks in his hand and kissed me fiercely, passionately, his fires still boiling for release.
“I am coming with you,” he declared.
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nasa · 3 months ago
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Observations from both NASA’s James Webb and Hubble space telescopes created this colorful image of galaxy cluster MACS0416. The colors of different galaxies indicate distances, with bluer galaxies being closer and redder galaxies being more distant or dusty. Some galaxies appear as streaks due to gravitational lensing — a warping effect caused by large masses gravitationally bending the space that light travels through.
Like Taylor Swift, Our Universe Has Gone Through Many Different Eras
While Taylor's Eras Tour explores decades of music, our universe’s eras set the stage for life to exist today. By unraveling cosmic history, scientists can investigate how it happened, from the universe’s origin and evolution to its possible fate.
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This infographic outlines the history of the universe.
0 SECONDS | In the beginning, the universe debuted extremely small, hot, and dense
Scientists aren’t sure what exactly existed at the very beginning of the universe, but they think there wasn’t any normal matter or physics. Things probably didn’t behave like we expect them to today.
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Artist's interpretation of the beginning of the universe, with representations of the early cosmos and its expansion.
10^-32 SECONDS | The universe rapidly, fearless-ly inflated
When the universe debuted, it almost immediately became unstable. Space expanded faster than the speed of light during a very brief period known as inflation. Scientists are still exploring what drove this exponential expansion.
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1 MICROSECOND | Inflation’s end started the story of us: we wouldn’t be here if inflation continued
When inflation ended, the universe continued to expand, but much slower. All the energy that previously drove the rapid expansion went into light and matter — normal stuff! Small subatomic particles — protons, neutrons, and electrons — now floated around, though the universe was too hot for them to combine and form atoms.
The particles gravitated together, especially in clumpy spots. The push and pull between gravity and the particles’ inability to stick together created oscillations, or sound waves.
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Artist's interpretation of protons and neutrons colliding to form ionized deuterium — a hydrogen isotope with one proton and one neutron — and ionized helium — two protons and two neutrons.
THREE MINUTES | Protons and neutrons combined all too well
After about three minutes, the universe had expanded and cooled enough for protons and neutrons to stick together. This created the very first elements: hydrogen, helium, and very small amounts of lithium and beryllium.
But it was still too hot for electrons to combine with the protons and neutrons. These free electrons floated around in a hot foggy soup that scattered light and made the universe appear dark.
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This animated artist’s concept begins by showing ionized atoms (red blobs), free electrons (green blobs), and photons of light (blue flashes). The ionized atoms scattered light until neutral atoms (shown as brown blobs) formed, clearing the way for light to travel farther through space.
380 THOUSAND YEARS | Neutral atoms formed and left a blank space for light
As the universe expanded and cooled further, electrons joined atoms and made them neutral. With the electron plasma out of the way, some light could travel much farther.
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An image of the cosmic microwave background (CMB) across the entire sky, taken by ESA's (European Space Agency) Planck space telescope. The CMB is the oldest light we can observe in the universe. Frozen sound waves are visible as miniscule fluctuations in temperature, shown through blue (colder) and red (warmer) coloring.
As neutral atoms formed, the sound waves created by the push and pull between subatomic particles stopped. The waves froze, leaving ripples that were slightly denser than their surroundings. The excess matter attracted even more matter, both normal and “dark.” Dark matter has gravitational influence on its surroundings but is invisible and does not interact with light.
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This animation illustrates the absorption of photons — light particles — by neutral hydrogen atoms.
ALSO 380 THOUSAND YEARS | The universe became dark — call it what you want, but scientists call this time period the Dark Ages 
Other than the cosmic microwave background, there wasn't much light during this era since stars hadn’t formed yet. And what light there was usually didn't make it very far since neutral hydrogen atoms are really good at absorbing light. This kicked off an era known as the cosmic dark ages.
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This animation illustrates the beginning of star formation as gas begins to clump due to gravity. These protostars heat up as material compresses inside them and throw off material at high speeds, creating shockwaves shown here as expanding rings of light.
200 MILLION YEARS | Stars created daylight (that was still blocked by hydrogen atoms)
Over time, denser areas pulled in more and more matter, in some places becoming so heavy it triggered a collapse. When the matter fell inward, it became hot enough for nuclear fusion to start, marking the birth of the first stars!
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A simulation of dark matter forming structure due to gravity.
400 MILLION YEARS | Dark matter acted like an invisible string tying galaxies together
As the universe expanded, the frozen sound waves created earlier — which now included stars, gas, dust, and more elements produced by stars — stretched and continued attracting more mass. Pulling material together eventually formed the first galaxies, galaxy clusters, and wide-scale, web-like structure. 
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In this animation, ultraviolet light from stars ionizes hydrogen atoms by breaking off their electrons. Regions already ionized are blue and translucent, areas undergoing ionization are red and white, and regions of neutral gas are dark and opaque.
1 BILLION YEARS | Ultraviolet light from stars made the universe transparent for evermore
The first stars were massive and hot, meaning they burned their fuel supplies quickly and lived short lives. However, they gave off energetic ultraviolet light that helped break apart the neutral hydrogen around the stars and allowed light to travel farther.
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Animation showing a graph of the universe’s expansion over time. While cosmic expansion slowed following the end of inflation, it began picking up the pace around 5 billion years ago. Scientists still aren't sure why.
SOMETIME AFTER 10 BILLION YEARS | Dark energy became dominant, accelerating cosmic expansion and creating a big question…?
By studying the universe’s expansion rate over time, scientists made the shocking discovery that it’s speeding up. They had thought eventually gravity should cause the matter to attract itself and slow down expansion. Some mysterious pressure, dubbed dark energy, seems to be accelerating cosmic expansion. About 10 billion years into the universe’s story, dark energy – whatever it may be – became dominant over matter.
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An image of Earth rising in the Moon’s sky. Nicknamed “Earthrise,” Apollo 8 astronauts saw this sight during the first crewed mission to the Moon.
13.8 BILLION YEARS | The universe as we know it today: 359,785,714,285.7 fortnights from the beginning
We owe our universe today to each of its unique stages. However, scientists still have many questions about these eras.
Our upcoming Nancy Grace Roman Space Telescope will look back in time to explore cosmic mysteries like dark energy and dark matter – two poorly understood aspects of the universe that govern its evolution and ultimate fate.
Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!
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nightingale-prompts · 5 days ago
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You are not Special- DC X DP Prompt
Interdimensional God-like beings are not known for their patience, however it looked like they had gotten lucky.
This being that had been summoned against its will to their universe was actually quite calm. They sat back on a makeshift throne made by the cultists that had brought them here. Its body was the form of a young man draped in silk. He paid little mind to the cult bowing and scraping at his feet as he absentmindedly examined his nails for anything under them. They were as pristine as his marble-like form.
"You know cults get a bad reputation in these modern times." He said not looking up at the heroes who had invaded his sanctuary intent on sealing him away. "Not without cause of course. But not every cult is evil. As oxymoronic as that sounds. But it used to mean a group of people devoted to their god of choice, no different than any other religion except they lived solely to dedicate their lives to it. No tricks or schemes, just beliefs. None of that sacrifice or blood here though. I like cleanliness and a good batch of dessert for my alters."
"We aren't here to give your offerings." Batman said simply.
The teen stretched lazily and shrugged.
"You are free to just pray, take a rest, eat, or do whatever you want."
"You don't belong here. You must return to your own realm." Superman said fimly but cordially.
The cultists panicked as they looked between their god and the heroes. Some had disdain etched on their faces others had sadness.
"Don't belong? I do what I want. Who are you people to tell ME what to do? Do you own this planet? This universe?" The god challenged.
"We are the protectors of this planet. Surely you understand that we can't let you stay here using humans like servants." Superman retorted.
Constantine had a bad feeling about what came next as he got between everyone to speak.
"Sorry, forgive him. We don't want to offend. It's just that our universe has had enough beings like you causing issues in the past. We are a bit exhausted because every major event seems to hit our planet. We are a bit defensive."
The teens's lip curled.
"Do you think you are the only planet with such woes? How conceited. What you believe that your little planet is so special that it is the only one subject to the powers of beings you can't control? As we speak there a thousands of beings influencing this world that have a bigger effect than what I'm currently doing. Are you tired of being the playthings of the universe? Bah! The universe doesn't care one bit what goes on on this little planet over the billions of planets in this universe. You are no more special than a bit of algae on a frozen world." The teen sneered.
"But that doesn't change the fact that we would like one less threat to deal with," Batman said as Constantine tried to shut him up. "Even if you do not care about humans, we care what you can do to us."
"A good point but I never said I didn't care. I'm actually fond of humans but no more fond of them than any other lifeforms. There are billions of aliens in this universe alone. But not one is special because all life is special. Not one is better. But any damage I could possibly do to you could easily be done by the many unseen gods of this realm. These beings have built this world from those that actively created it, ignore it, and those that don't even realize it exists. Could you believe that your own creator doesn't know you are there? It's actually very common."
"You're dodging the question and talking in circles. We just want you to leave." Batman sighed irritably.
"You keep telling me to leave. I have just arrived but I've also always been here. Is this how you greet me?" The teen crossed his arms.
"Are you a god of this world?" Wonder Woman stepped forward this time. "You dress like that of a Roman god."
"Do you like it? I got it from Rome a few thousand years ago."
Well, he never failed to turn something into a compliment, that's for sure.
"But that's a complicated question. If you're asking if I made your universe then, no. If your asking if it exists because of me then, yes. It exists because I do. It's my nature. So I'm not a god. I'm a law of nature." The boy leaned back and kicked his feet childishly.
"You look like a kid." Clark blurted.
"Well... you're right. But you didn't have to point it out." He pouted.
"I mean, you just look...like a person. Not a force of nature." Clark quickly corrected.
"I look like what you can perceive me as. Can't ask a two-dimensional creature to understand three dimensions. Think of me as an anthropomorphic personification of a concept." The teen stood up finally and walked around his bowing worshippers.
"And what are you?" Batman said stiffly as the boy reached him.
"I am the Void. The absence of force or untethered space and infinite possibilities. A place of raw unprocessed energy. So if I exist then a tethered space with one string of possibilities exists. Think string theory." The boy laughed.
"Wait, I know what you are. You're an Ancient, an Endless. I thought I'd get a break from your lot after Morphosis." Constantine said.
The group turned to Constantine in surprise, not surprised that he knew what the kid was but that he had done this before.
"Look, kid. Your lot don't show themselves often. Especially not in front of so many people. You'd usually lay low among mortals." Constantine said suspicious of the young Endless. "Do the others know you are playing around?"
The teen presses his lips together. He glares like someone has ruined his game.
"Should I try summoning them and ask." Constantine smirked, he knew he found his in.
"You wouldn't." He frowned.
"I would." Constantine said "Unless you want to go home on your own."
The boy tried to protest but a portal opened on its own and a hand reached out grabbing the boy by the ear.
"What are you doing in the mortal realm this time?! I told you to focus on fixing the timelines not playing god like a child!" The voice boomed.
"But Clockwork-" The teen whined as he was dragged through the portal "I was just pulling a prank. I swear!"
The boy's voice was muffled and distant as he got to the other side. Then the prtal closed and it was over.
The room went silent.
"He was right. There is nothing special about any life form over another. But that also means he is no different than a human child and held to the same standards." Constantine said lighting a cigarette before leaving the ruins. "You can handle the rest right?"
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liquidstar · 1 year ago
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look this site really is awful for ppl with OCD so i just wanna reassure anyone that you are not Tainted Forever for consuming a piece of media with questionable content. the fact that youre able to recognize it speaks to your critical thinking skills, which is good, certain depictions should be critiqued. but you dont need to ruminate on it to the point where you begin to feel guilty for simply witnessing gross or creepy writing choices. you dont have to vindicate yourself to the fictional tumblr discourser inside your head, saying that youre now a bad person bc you watched the wrong anime. your actual response to it still matters of course, but thats that and this is this. just seeing it is neutral, you didnt commit a thought crime. its literally fine.
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IF YOU ARE USING THIS POST TO ONLY FURTHER YOUR STUPID PEDANTIC BLACK-AND-WHITE DISCOURSE TO GET A "GOCHA" OVER THE OTHER SIDE YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. DON'T USE OUR DISORDER TO VINDICATE YOUR BEHAVIOR. THOUGHT CRIMES ARENT REAL BUT ACTIONS STILL MATTER. PEOPLE WITH OCD ARE CAPABLE OF THINKING CRITICALLY ABOUT OUR ACTIONS AND RESPONSES, EVEN WITH INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS AND RUMINATIONS. TREATING US AS IF WE CANNOT, ONLY TO FORCE US TO USE YOUR STRINGENT UNNUANCED DISCOURSE OPINIONS ABOUT "PURITY CULTURE" (TRIGGERING TO THOSE WITH OCD) AS THE ONLY REASONABLE GUIDE DOES MORE TO EXACERBATE OUR OBSESSIONS THAN HELP US. YOU ARE THE ISSUE AS WELL. YOU ARE ALSO THE TUMBLR DISCOURSER INSIDE OUR HEADS. DO NOT USE US FOR YOUR DISCOURSE. WE ARE PEOPLE, NOT HYPOTHETICALS TO USE TO EXPLAIN IF YOUR FROZEN INCEST FANFICTION IS OKAY OR NOT. TREATING US AS IF WE CANNOT AUTONOMOUSLY HAVE OUR OWN OPINIONS ON WHEN MEDIA IS TANGIBLY HARMFUL IS ABLEIST. FORCING US TO ABIDE BY YOUR IN-GROUP'S SET OF UNEQUIVOCAL MORALS IS ABLEIST. ACTING AS THOUGH THE ONLY SOLUTION FOR US IS MINDLESS MEDIA CONSUMPTION IN WHICH "EVERY DEPICTION OF XYZ, NO MATTER HOW POORLY DONE OR EXPLOITATIVE, IS ALWAYS OKAY AND IF YOU DISAGREE YOURE ACTUALLY AN EVIL 'ANTI'" IS ABLEIST. THOSE ARE THE SAME BLACK-AND-WHITE MORALS THAT SEND US INTO OBSESSIVE SPIKES, BUT FLIPPED. A SET OF MORALS IN WHICH QUESTIONING THE IMPACT OF A PIECE OF WORK MAKES YOU AN "EVIL CONSERVATIVE PURITAN "ANTI"" DOES NOT HELP MORAL OCD.
YOU ARE THE DAMN TUMBLR DISCOUERSERS MAKING THIS SHIT WORSE FOR US! YOURE THE EXACT SAME BUT WITH FLIPPED BUZZWORDS! YOU'RE MISSING THE WHOLE DAMN POINT!
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idkyetxoxo · 11 days ago
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Cregan Stark - Frozen Ties
Summary - Forced into a marriage to secure alliances, she navigates the confines of her new life facing emotional turmoil and a complicated relationship. An unexpected act of kindness from her husband kindles hope, making her reconsider their union and find warmth in the icy politics.
Pairing - Cregan Stark x Targaryen reader
Warnings - None
Word count - 2437
Masterlist for Cregan • House of the Dragon General Masterlist.
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"Mother, this is absurd! You can't promise me to him, you can't just send me away like this," I cried, my voice breaking as tears spilt down my cheeks. 
I stood before my weary mother, who wrung her hands together anxiously, her face etched with sorrow.
"My sweet daughter, I wish things were different, but this is necessary," she said, her voice heavy with regret. "You must marry him. We need the North's support."
"They have already declared for Rhaenyra," I protested, frustration making my voice tremble. I knew all too well how Aemond's newfound power had corrupted him.
"Does he truly think I can change Lord Stark's mind?" I continued, her hands gently cupping my face as she wiped away my tears.
"You know what Aemond is," she said softly.
"A monster," I mumbled, and she sighed deeply.
"That is not how you should speak about your king," a voice cut through our despair. We both turned to the door, where Aemond stood, composed and authoritative, his hands clasped behind his back.
"You, dear sister, will fulfil your duties as required," he said, advancing toward us with purposeful strides.
"I don't want to," I said defiantly. Aemond's face darkened with fury, his eye narrowing into a cold, merciless slit. He snatched my chin with a brutal grip, his fingers digging into my skin like talons, forcing me to meet his unyielding gaze. 
Alicent gasped, calling out his name in alarm, moving swiftly to try and intervene.
"Do as you're told and ensure he listens, or you'll be of no use to this family," Aemond commanded, shoving me back with a harshness that made me stumble. 
Tears flowed freely as I stared at the ground. 
My fate was sealed, and there was nothing left for me to do but accept it.
─── ✦⋅♡⋅✦ ───
The icy winds of the North tore through my cloak, each gust slicing into my skin like a blade. The endless expanse of snow and the pale, unforgiving sky mirrored the numbness that had taken root in my heart, where warmth and hope had once dwelled.
Each step toward Winterfell felt heavier, burdened by the weight of my impending marriage.
Upon arrival, I was met with a formal courtesy that did little to ease my anxiety. Winterfell, with its majestic yet unwelcoming presence, felt like a fortress of cold indifference. The great halls, silent and vast, bore witness to my inner turmoil.
Lord Cregan Stark awaited me in his dining hall, a brooding figure amidst the cold stone and flickering hearth. I entered with a mixture of trepidation and resolve. 
As he rose from his seat, his gaze was steady and unreadable.
"Lord Stark," I began, my voice trembling slightly but firm, "I need to understand why you agreed to this marriage. You have already pledged your support to Rhaenyra. How can you reconcile this with what's being forced upon me?"
He regarded me thoughtfully, his eyes reflecting years of experience and wisdom despite his youth. He gestured for me to take a seat across from him, and I did so, my heart pounding in my chest.
"When I pledged my support to Princess Rhaenyra, it was with the hope of ensuring stability and peace for the realm. Yet, the realm's stability is fragile, easily disturbed by shifting allegiances and the ambitions of those in power."
I leaned forward, gripping the armrests of my chair. "But why this marriage? Why agree to something that feels like a betrayal to your cause and to me?"
His expression softened, and he leaned back, considering his words. "In the intricate dance of politics, difficult choices must sometimes be made. This marriage, though forced, is intended to secure a delicate balance. The North's support is crucial, but so is the stability of our alliances. A strong marriage alliance can offer more security than mere pledges of support."
"But at what cost?" I asked, my voice trembling as a fresh wave of fear gripped my heart. "At the cost of my happiness and dignity?"
He looked at me with sympathy and resolve. "Sacrifices are often necessary for the greater good. I understand the personal toll this takes on you, and it is not a decision made lightly but it is my duty to ensure the North remains a steadfast ally, and this marriage is part of that duty."
I stared at him, struggling to reconcile his words with my reality. The burden of my impending marriage, the personal sacrifice, and the political manoeuvring felt overwhelming.
─── ✦⋅♡⋅✦ ───
A month had passed since our wedding, and the reality of my new life had settled in with an unrelenting chill. Each day felt like a repetition of the last, my existence reduced to a monotonous cycle of needlework and solitary moments with the horses. 
The stark beauty of the North, once so captivating, now seemed to mock me with its cold indifference.
I spent my mornings hunched over delicate threads, my fingers moving with mechanical precision. Needlework, though a distraction, was a constant reminder of how far removed I was from the life I once imagined.
In the afternoons, I would find myself wandering to the stables, seeking the comfort of the horses. Their warmth and calm offered brief solace from my sorrow. I cherished them, knowing they were the closest I would ever get to the dragon I longed to see again. 
As I brushed their coats, the tenderness in my touch reflected my deep yearning for connection. Yet, despite their gentle company, they could not fill the void left by my unmet desires and the strained nature of my marriage.
The horses, though beloved, were not my dragon.
Evenings were the hardest. As night fell and shadows lengthened across Winterfell, I retreated to my chambers with a heavy heart. 
The bed that once promised comfort now felt like a cage, and sleep came with difficulty. I would lie there, staring at the cold stone walls, my thoughts racing through a labyrinth of regret and despair.
Cregan, despite his stoic demeanour, was not blind to my misery. He saw the weariness in my movements and the sorrow in my eyes. He knew that the woman he had married had become a shadow, trapped in a life she had never chosen.
One evening, as I prepared for bed, I heard a soft knock on my chamber door. Cregan entered without waiting for an invitation, his presence a contrast to the cold, impersonal walls of my room. 
"May I join you?" he asked gently, though an underlying tension lingered.
I nodded, and he sat beside me, his eyes searching mine with an intensity that belied his usual composure.
"It's been a month," he began, his tone measured yet empathetic. "And I can see how this life has taken its toll on you."
I looked away, unable to meet his gaze, feeling the weight of his words. "You have no reason to concern yourself with my happiness, Lord Stark. I am here to fulfil my duties, not to seek solace."
"That's not entirely true," he said softly. "You are my wife, and it is my duty to ensure you are content, or at least as content as possible in this harsh land."
I sighed, the words catching in my throat. "This life is a cage, and I am its prisoner. I find no joy in my days, no comfort in my nights. I am lost in a place that is not my home, with a future that was never mine to choose."
He reached out, placing a reassuring hand on mine. His touch was warm, a contrast to the cold that had settled in my heart. "I understand this is not what you envisioned. But perhaps, if you allow it, we could find a way to make this arrangement more bearable."
I looked at him, my heart aching with a mix of gratitude and scepticism. "What can be done? I am bound to this life, and it feels as though my desires and dreams are nothing more than echoes in the wind."
"I am a dragon, I am blood and fire," I declared with a fervent intensity, my voice echoing the fierce spirit within me. "You are ice and snow. We were never meant to be." 
The words seemed to strike him deeply, causing a visible pain to cross his features.
His eyes met mine, filled with sadness and something softer, perhaps understanding. He took a deep breath as if steeling himself for what he was about to say.
"Perhaps we weren't meant to be," he conceded, his voice low but firm. "But here we are, bound by vows, by duty, by the threads of fate. And I refuse to believe that fate is so cruel as to leave us without choices."
I scoffed, a bitter smile curling my lips. "Choices? What choices do I have? I did not choose to come here, nor to marry you. Everything was decided for me—by kings, by lords, by the whims of men who never cared to ask what I wanted."
He flinched, as though struck, but his hand remained steady on mine.
For a moment, there was only the sound of our breathing, heavy and uneven. The tension between us was undeniable, a taut string ready to snap. 
His eyes bored into mine, his frustration clear but his sincerity even clearer.
"Then tell me," I said, my voice trembling despite my best efforts to steady it. "What is it you want from me, Lord Stark? What is it you truly desire?"
He hesitated, his expression softening as he seemed to search for the right words. "I want... I want us to find a way to coexist, to find a small measure of peace in this storm. I want us to try, together, to build something from the ashes of what we were forced to leave behind."
The words hung in the cold air between us, carrying both a challenge and a plea. I could feel my defences wavering, the walls I'd built around myself beginning to crack. I wanted to dismiss him, to cling to my anger as if it were a shield, but a small part of me buried deep beneath the resentment yearned for something more than this constant battle.
He watched me closely, waiting. I turned my gaze away, my heart heavy, unsure what to believe anymore.
"It might please you to know," he began, his voice carefully measured, "that I have made arrangements for Silverwing to be brought here."
I stiffened, my heart stumbling over itself at the unexpected words.
"What?" I asked, unable to hide the astonishment in my voice. I searched his face for any sign of deception but found none, only a quiet, earnest expression.
His smile widened just a fraction, his eyes holding a glimmer of hope. "I have had my men prepare the likes of a dragon pit to house Silverwing. It should be ready soon enough."
Before I could fully process the relief and joy that surged through me, I found myself instinctively pulling him into an embrace. The news of Silverwing's impending arrival filled me with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and happiness. 
The thought of being reunited with my dragon, my closest companion, was a balm to the loneliness that had marked my days.
He chuckled softly, his arms encircling me with a warmth that contrasted sharply with the chill of Winterfell. The sting of regret crept in for the harshness I had shown him mere minutes ago, for pushing him away when he had only tried to reach out.
As I pulled away slightly, I met his gaze with sincere eyes, the fire within me dimming to embers.
"I apologize," I said, my voice laced with earnestness. "I don't mean to suggest that you have been cruel to me. On the contrary, you have shown me a kindness that I didn't expect. Many men would not have endured their wives' coldness and indifference as you have."
His expression softened, and he nodded in understanding. "I meant it when I said that I do not wish this union to be a dreadful one. You are my wife, and I am your husband. Despite our differences, it is important that we strive to understand each other."
I sighed, feeling a sense of contentment wash over me. Perhaps I had been unfair in my judgments. 
Throughout the past month, he had never forced me into anything I wasn't willing to do. His patience and compassion had been genuine, and I began to see the depth of his character beyond the surface of our arranged marriage.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward once more and leaned down, pressing my lips to his in a kiss. It was a kiss of new beginnings, of understanding and tentative acceptance. 
In that moment, it felt as though we were discovering each other anew, exploring the possibilities of what our union could become.
The kiss deepened, each touch and caress reflecting a newfound willingness to bridge the gap between us. As we finally parted, the air between us seemed lighter, filled with the promise of a more hopeful future. 
With a tender smile, I looked into his eyes and took a courageous step. 
"Perhaps," I said softly, "if you are willing, you could stay with me tonight. We could share the same room, just to see what it might feel like."
His eyes warmed with surprise and appreciation. "I'd like that," he replied, his tone sincere. "I'll stay with you."
As we settled into the bed together, the room was bathed in the soft glow of a single candle. The warmth of his presence beside me was a comforting contrast to the coldness that had previously defined our interactions. We lay quietly for a moment, adjusting to the new closeness.
Cregan's voice broke the silence, a thoughtful note in his tone. "Would you like to go hunting with me next week? It might be a chance for us to spend some time together outside of these walls."
The idea of joining him for a hunt was enticing, and I smiled at the thought. "Yes, I would like that very much," I replied, my voice soft with genuine interest.
He smiled back, a sense of relief and anticipation in his eyes. "Then it's settled. We'll go hunting next week."
As we lay next to each other, the shared warmth and the promise of the coming adventure created a sense of closeness that had been missing for so long. 
The night was filled with a quiet intimacy, and as sleep began to claim us, I felt a glimmer of hope for the future we might build together. 
In this cold land of ice and snow, perhaps there was room for warmth, connection, and the kind of companionship that could grow into something truly meaningful.
A/n - Get you a man who builds you a dragon pit cause you miss your little beast
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rin-and-jade · 1 year ago
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Heres a reminder for you that being dissociated isn't limited to the common misconception where you are frozen in place, incapable of doing anything or even thinking, or experiencing a significant time gap,, those things. (This is a very important post, read till bottom so im happy!)
And while its hard to spot the milder signs when you're dissociating, don't worry i got you covered by bringing awareness, im showing what those signs could look like:
Dazing/blanking out several times
Hands looking weird (depersonalization)
Surroundings also looking weird (derealization)
Feeling detached emotionally, physically, or both
Light-headedness
Less reactive in responding
Forget things more often
Unable to focus or keep concentration straight
And many more..!
When you have multiple of those signs at once, then chances are you are dissociating (extra note that it can also co-occur with derealization/depersonalization). While it can be caused by various factors, i would like to add that it may or may not get worse as time passes and no one wants that thing to snowball until it got too bad (remember, preventing now is better than dealing later) so having a few tips would help:
Grounding (sensory): listening to music, feeling different textures, paying attention to things in your surroundings, trying different fragrant or scents, have some snacks to occupy your senses
Grounding (physically): feel your chest as you breathe, get your body moving to redirect focus, splash some cold water, hold something you can squeeze (such as a stress ball)
Practice being mindful. As it can help you re-anchor back to reality faster, regulate better, building more resilience, increasing awareness of oneself's state
Sometimes we go do our day without giving a thought that were detached from reality, usually by going autopilot and scrolling through social medias without being aware (well, atleast for me) and forget lots of things while being dysregulated at the end. So by being aware of the mild signs and incorporating grounding skills im sure memory gaps and those funny aftermath stuffs won't be a problem anymore, have a good day peeps.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that another sign is your hearing feels muffled, that you can hear sounds feel more distant despite close, i thought it could be grouped with the “less reactive” before.
EDIT 2: It is true that sometimes these techniques will not work,, so it's recommended to create a peaceful environment in hopes of going away sooner when waiting it out. grab some videos to watch, put some of your favorite musics or cuddle your soft pillows (if any, pets) and stay comfy! Do not stress about it because it'll be counterproductive. Full explanation at here.
- j
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fairsweetlonging · 1 month ago
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system wardrobe malfunctions and small scenario pushers: exteme edition au
after his qi deviation, shen qingqiu starts working on slowly building up relations with his fellow peak lords and disciples; saving liu qingge in the caves, spoiling luo binghe rotten, freely praising his students, inviting the sect leader over for tea, he's a whole new person!
and yet... his friendliness levels aren't going up.
he knows it's a bit icky to judge his relations with other people based on numbers an alien entity is giving him, but he needs them to survive, and he swears that once he's above a certain threshold (somewhere between "civil" and "friendly", he figures), he will mute every and all notifications regarding it.
but they're just not going up. since his deviation he's at least managed to claw his way from "hostile" to "tolerant" with most of them, but some are somehow still stuck in the "aloof" section! they wouldn't even care if he died!
he just doesn't know what he's doing wrong; he understands these things take time, but it feels so bad when people refuse to sit next to him or sigh when they're assigned a mission with him, especially since it's not his fault.
now, it so happens that, one day, the system hears his woes and takes pity on him.
【 user seems to experience difficulty increasing character favor levels 】
you could say that
【 would host like to utilize our special deluxe package to activate 'The Path of Blossoming Hearts and Unspoken Affections' free of charge? ₊˚⊹♡ 】
though shen qingqiu isn't trustful of the system's antics, he can't deny that so far they have helped him well enough, and since it's free of charge with no penalties, wouldn't it be a waste not to use it? the title is a bit dubious, but was the original shen qingqiu not known for his frozen heart? for never sparing a single nice word to anyone? this could be his chance to let it blossom without the system nagging on his characterization.
【 accept optional mission? [yes]/[no] 】
he picks [yes].
two weeks later, he wishes he hadn't.
the package is devided into small scenarios that mostly appear at random, ranging from small dialogue challenges where he has to pick the right option (he really doesn't like those, the dehumanization of it makes his skin crawl), to the equivalent of two rivals getting locked in a room together.
the first few scenarios are minor and not very impactful, to the point where he's finished three of them and his favor count with qi qingqi has increased a whopping +2 (still "aloof") and that of wei qingwei +5 (still "tolerant").
his fourth scenario, however, reminds him of exactly why he should never accept gifts from strange screens floating in the sky.
he's on a nighthunt with liu qingge to slay a mirebeast that's been terrorizing travelers—an amphibious creature with thick, slimy skin, a crocodile tail and a leech-like mouth that shoots mucus when threatened... and shooting mucus it did.
while his clothes can easily be cleaned with a cleaning talisman, he never feels truly clean himself unless he actually bathes. luckily, there's a beautiful, glass-like pond nearby that's surrounded by natural demonic-repellent vegetation, a win! he's just draped his clothes over a nearby branch and submerged himself in the water, when the system rings out.
【 heads up! small scenario "Stolen Silks and Sunlit Waters" is about to begin! penalty: none. wishing user good luck (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) 】
hold up—stolen what.
stolen silks. his silks. stolen by a mossy-jade stag that happens to scratch its huge antles on the exact tree he hung his clothes on, which rattles the branch and causes his robes to fall exactly onto its head, spooking it into a gallop as it disappears into the forest.
how. how does that even happen.
shen qingqiu is just about to get out of the water when of course liu qingge chooses that exact moment to stomp into the glade looking for him, even though he should have been miles away to the village to ensure the people the beast is dead.
for anyone looking in from the outside, it's not a bad picture: shen qingqiu, with his hair pulled up and away from his slender neck, submerged to his (very bare!) pale shoulders in golden sunlit waters, surrounded by lotus flowers and lily pads. to liu qingge, this must be a terrible view, apparently—shen qingqiu can think of no other reason that would cause his face to flush so bright red.
liu qingge tosses his outer robe on the grass between them and turns resolutely around. it's only a bit insulting—is shen qingqiu not pretty enough to try and sneak a look at? even just a glimpse? meanwhile liu qingge is trying really hard to mentally recite the ethics sutra to not fixate on the sound of shen qingqiu getting out of the water (naked!!) or the rustle of fabrics as he wraps liu qingge's robe around his (naked!!!!) body. when liu qingge turns around he flushes an even darker shade as he sees shen qingqiu's bare legs and feet sticking out from under the robes.
"thanking shidi," says shen qingqiu, who notices none of this, as he pulls the robe a little closer around him, "for coming to this one's untimely rescue."
liu qingge grunts, turns, and walks away.
【 congratulations! liu qingge's favor increased. character satisfaction points +50. please continue to work hard! 】
shut up
【 ૮(˶╥︿╥)ა 】
they return to the sect victorious, but very embarrassed. the mirebeast gets all the blame. where his clothes are? well—uh, gone. the mucus dissolved them. yes he knows that's not how mucus works but it did this time okay?!!
yue qingyuan acts a bit strange seeing shen qingqiu wearing liu qingge's outer robes. he almost qi deviates when he finds out his shidi is wearing absolutely nothing under it. it's all very dramatic. apparently the sect is made up of people who shower with their clothes on or something.
【 ⁺‧₊˚bonus scenario!!˚₊‧⁺˖ interactive dialog quest: pick the best suited options to win additional favor points! 】
i don't like where this is going
"shidi?" yue qingyuan asks, looking at him with those big worried puppy eyes.
【 choice A: (demure) this shidi is cold. will you not invite me in at least?
choice B: what are you looking at?! mind your own business stupid old man!
choice C: i'm in love with liu qingge 】
WHAT
if he was drinking tea he would have spat it out, and then coughed himself to death. what the hell kind of options are these!!
【 system has based these options on what will earn (or lose!) user the most points. please pick one. 】
[ admin notes: option A will earn +60 points. option B will neither increase nor decrease points. option C will decrease -100 satisfaction points and increase +200 heartbreak points ]
shen qingqiu silently curses the system. option B is way out of line, even for the original shen qingqiu, who probably would insult yue qingyuan, but not with so little class. he doesn't even consider option C an actual option. and, well, he is cold. and wet. and almost naked. he would like a warm bath and some clothes. A it is then.
he doesn't like the way yue qingyuan's face light up when he grits out the dialog.
【 congratulations! yue qingyuan's favor increased. character satisfaction points +60! keep up the good work! 】
he can't keep doing this much longer.
unfortunately, he does have to keep doing this for much longer.
he's just about to go to bed when someone knocks on the door. luo binghe is already sleeping so he goes himself. just as he's about to open the door the system rings out—but it's too late.
shen yuan is used to wearing old tshirts to bed and no pants (he hates the feeling of his legs being restricted while he sleeps), so he doesn't really care when the only equivalent of this in pidw is a silk nightgown. his mother wore them, his sister wore them. hell, one of his brothers once bought one for fun and ended up using it for months. it's florally embroidered with puffy sleeves and reaches to his knees, that's decent enough, right?
【 heads up! small scenario "Dreamy Encounters at Dusk" is about to begin! good luck! 】
he has no idea what that's supposed to mean and he doesn't care. he opens the door, and it's mu qingfang. not... that unusual, but still.
"can this master help you?"
it takes mu qingfang a moment to remember what he's here for, it seems, because he stares at shen qingqiu for a good few seconds before raising an eyebrow like he's caught him doing something wrong.
"does shen-shixiong always answer the door like this?"
shen qingqiu glares back. "only when unsolicited guests come stumbling around my porch in the middle of the night."
"fair enough."
apparently he's here on behalf of yue qingyuan, who had asked him to do a post mission check up as soon as he was available, which is now. which yue qingyuan had apparently forgotten to relay to shen qingqiu himself. awesome.
he invites mu qingfang in (he can hardly close the door on him, it's late for him too!), and sits through the usual poking and prodding.
the system is prodding, too.
【 would user like some advice on how to maximize point earning? 】
no
【 ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀) system is only trying to help!! 】
i really don't need your help with this, thanks. i can keep a conversation on my own.
【 optional system booster: not mandatory. user may choose to decline this quest.
option 1: this one appreciates your care. the hardship is... unexpected. (look away shyly). i find it difficult to accept help sometimes, even when i need it.
option 2: i'm in love with you.
option 3: stand up and pretend to faint into his arms 】
shen qingqiu is about to spit blood—what the HELL is this!!! why do all your options make you look bipolar HUH??? and what's this about professing my love to people?!! why is that always an option??! this isn't a dating simulator, stupid system, they'll think i'm crazy!
【 all these options result in an increase of character satisfaction points (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) 】
HOW
【 (ó﹏ò。) user seems misinformed about character preferences. [mu qingfang] likes to take care of people! 】
... i decline the quest. booster. whatever. i'll figure it out myself. and stop talking about him like he's some one dimensional character!
they hear stumbling coming from the little side room, then the creaking of floorboards. binghe peeks through the door, hair sleep-ruffled and his robes pulled on over his sleeping clothes.
"shizun?" he asks, worried, "what's wrong? why is mu-shishu here?"
【 ⁺‧₊˚bonus scenario!!˚₊‧⁺˖ interactive dialog quest: pick the best suited options to win additional favor points! 】
oh god, not again.
【 option A: (gently) nothing is wrong, binghe. this master is alright. go back to sleep.
option B: (gently) nothing is wrong, binghe. this master is alright. (invite him to sit next to you during the examination)
option C: (gently) nothing is wrong, binghe. this master is alright. mu-shidi is just keeping me company tonight. 】
huh. so you can give meaningful options that i would actually consider picking?
【 ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜ 】
[admin notes: option A will decrease -100 points for luo binghe. option B will increase +20 points for luo binghe. option C will decrease -300 points for luo binghe, and increase +20 points for mu qingfang. option A & C increase luo binghe jealousy levels with 400 points].
819 notes · View notes
fangswbenefits · 11 months ago
Text
The Arrangement (10) - A New Way
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Chapter summary: Astarion always find a way back to you even in the midst of all the chaos.
Pairing: Astarion x female!Tav
Warnings: 18+. Sexual frustration. Jealous Astarion. Protective Astarion. Fingering. Masturbation. Cumplay. Innuendo. Body worship.
Word count: 7.3k
Author's note: Tumblr isn't allowing me to reply to comments ever since I changed my @... already contacted support. I am not ignoring you guys *deep sigh*
Ao3
Series Masterlist
Rivington had its fair share of taverns and inns sprawled across its busy and lively streets. It was surely a welcome change from the grim and daunting sense of dread that loomed over you when travelling across the shadowlands. 
As such, the group had split to indulge in some brief moments of well deserved and welcome repose before finally reaching Baldur’s Gate.
Astarion sat across from you, subtlety eyeing his surroundings as you happily sipped your apple juice. 
The sun had yet to reach its peak but the tavern was already crawling with drunkards and unpleasant crowds. 
“We shouldn’t linger.” Astarion mused with arms crossed.
You nodded. “I’m nearly done.”
As much as you wished to forget about the troubling matters that haunted you, it was evident that your presence was earning some unwanted curious stares from a few onlookers. 
He suddenly reached for the pouch at his hip, withdrawing a piece of fabric before extending his hand to you.
“Here.”
You took it in your hand, briefly admiring its silky texture of the handkerchief as shades of teal and green swirled together in mesmerising patterns.
Then your fingers found golden letters sewn along one corner. 
Your name.
Your heart was clenched tight as you traced each letter in absolute awe.
“Astarion, this is…”
He waved a hand dismissively. “Oh, think nothing of it, darling. You’re often covered in blood and sweat and Gods know what other fluids,” he said with a curt smile. “I figured you might as well look stylish whilst wiping that pretty face of yours.”
There he was.
So easily crawling under your skin with his words and now with such a thoughtful gift that fully displayed his artistry and exceptional needlework.
A lump in your throat held your words back.
Maybe he didn’t consider this gesture all that relevant or even worthy of a lingering thought, but you did.
This was a silent extension of him.
Now you’d have him by your heart at all times.
But the moment was cut short as a loud bang rippled across your table.
A man reeking of cheap mead cackled loudly at you. He was swaying so violently it was an incredible feat that he was able to stand on both feet without losing balance.
“Oi! Aren’t you that gal from a few years ago who did magic tricks?”
Your blood ran cold at once and your insides twisted into several knots.
“I don’t think so.” you said, focusing your gaze on the drink in front of you.
You didn’t recognise him, but you silently prayed he would just drop the matter and leave.
Instead, he hiccuped. “N-No! It is you! I would never forget such a face.”
Your eyes met Astarion’s momentarily as he narrowed his crimson eyes at the loud drunkard, and you reckoned he was close to intervening. 
You mustered your strength. “No. It’s not me.”
But the man was insistent as he was drunk.
He banged a hand on the wooden surface once more. “What? You are the one whose mother–”
The flash of a dagger pierced through your field of vision, landing right between the man’s fingers, the blade pressed menacingly against his thumb.
“She said ‘no’,” he said through gritted teeth, eyes flaring with contempt. “Should I teach you the meaning of the word?”
The man shuddered and cowered in fear as he strolled away as fast as his wobbly steps would allow.
But Astarion had overdone it and had simultaneously caused many heads to turn your way, voices whispering as people tried to make out what the fuss was all about.
“We’ve overstayed our welcome,” he said, sheathing his dagger as he stood up.
You remained frozen in place, still taken aback by the words the man had spewed at you.
Your mind had been kept too busy to dive back into the memories of your mother, and to dwell on what had happened so many years ago.
A shudder spread across your entire body as the sense of dread gripped you.
You felt his hand nudge your shoulder. “Now’s not the time for daydreaming, sweetheart.”
And he quickly tugged at your arm, pulling you up on your feet before the two of you scurried along the tavern and earning heavy glares.
You made it out just in time as two Fists crossed paths with you on their way inside, trying to disperse the crowd that had gathered around the entryway.
“What was that all about?” Astarion asked as soon as you were able to blend in with the passers-by. 
“Nothing.”
Your mouth had gone awfully dry even though you had downed most of your apple juice, replenishing your hydration level. 
He stared at you, raising a brow inquisitively. “He did actually know you, didn’t he?”
You met his gaze in a silent warning. “He must have had me confused with someone else.”
He rolled his eyes. “You’re a terrible liar, but I will not pry. We all have secrets to bear.”
You nodded, thankful for his understanding remark.
There was no point in lying to him. He could always see right through your silly attempts at deception. 
“Just know that you can come to me should you need to air them out,” he added. “I know all too well how buried secrets always find a way to crawl to the surface – one way or another.”
It was a glaring testament to how he had come to terms with opening up to someone else.
He had come far in that regard and you felt proud of him.
A faint smile settled on your lips, but it faded just as quickly once realisation hit you.
“Wait!” you said, gripping his arm. “The handkerchief – I left it there. Let me–”
He patted your back. “Leave it, darling. Unless you fancy starting a tavern brawl, that is.”
Your heart dropped.
“But…”
“I will embroider you a new one.”
But he never did.
There was no point in lying to Astarion.
You were very well aware of this.
He would spot your deceit faster than a hawk could tail its prey.
But the dreadful sense of impending doom had rooted you to the sofa.
This couldn’t all just be a coincidence. 
By the time the two of you had reached the room, Gale and Lae’zel had already vanished through a portal to Waterdeep to assess the situation. 
“All we can do for now is wait.” Astarion said, adjusting his shirt. 
Shadowheart scoffed. “This is all very odd. It’s as if something is at work against us.”
You nodded. “I agree.”
“Are the two of you in some competition to see who’s the most dramatic?” he said with a click of his tongue. “Honestly, we know nothing about what happened. Maybe his contact succumbed to self-inflicted boredom – a running theme amongst wizards.”
His sense of humour would have been welcome under different circumstances, but you were on the brink of freaking out.
“Maybe I could cast Arcane Gate and help out…” you said in a restless tone, feeling nauseous.
But the mage slayer outside kept your magic levels too low for you to successfully cast a level six conjuration spell, so it was not even an option.
Astarion immediately snorted as he joined your side. “Perish the thought. I don’t think it’d be wise to do such a thing given your condition. You might open a portal to some place infested with murderous creatures, and then I’ll have to jump in to rescue you.”
Shadowheart, who had been pacing worriedly across the room, came to an immediate halt. “What condition?”
You rubbed your temples as if it would magically dissipate the gnawing headache.
“I had too much to drink last night.”
Shadowheart’s accusatory stare immediately landed on Astarion. “What did you do?”
He scoffed dramatically. “Excuse me? I am well aware that pinning the blame on me is a recurring activity in this group, but I had nothing to do with this.”
You groaned with a wince. “Please keep your voices down…”
Shadowheart rushed to lower herself by your feet until she could eye-level with you. “Are you all right?”
No.
And it had little to do with the aftermath of your alcohol consumption.
Ava.
Your intuition was pounding ceaselessly in your mind and you just couldn’t bring yourself to ignore it any longer.
Yes, she had told you she would talk to Astarion, but your nerves were being eaten raw and time wasn’t something you could afford to spare.
“I… think I need to talk about something…” you began as a shiver tore through your body.
Shadowheart gripped your knees, her face twisted in alarmed worry. “What is it?”
You exchanged a glare with Astarion who eyed you in confusion.
“I met up with Ava last night and…” You paused briefly, pondering your next words. “She made an offering.”
His brows furrowed together. “What offering?”
You felt sweat coat your palms as your heart rate quickened in distress. “She’s under the impression someone is after us,” you said, clutching your hands together. “That whoever it is might be responsible for that dead body and us getting wrongfully arrested.”
Shadowheart was now gripping your knees firmly. “And what did she offer?”
Your leg was visibly shaking now as you were finding it harder to keep your composure.
“Apparently, when Astarion feeds on me, our blood mixes together and…”
As far as you were aware, Shadowheart wasn’t aware of his deal with Ava, so you decided to hold that information.
“She’s interested in that… mixture and wants access to it in exchange for information.”
The effect your words had was nearly catastrophic. 
Shadowheart looked positively scandalised and Astarion immediately gripped your arm, snarling, “ What? ”
He was instantly on his feet and you followed suit.
“How would she even have access to that in the first place?” she asked in awe.
Astarion spoke before you could, “I’ve been giving her some of my blood as she researches ways to counter the effects of vampirism. But I wasn’t aware of this!”
“ Astarion! ” Shadowheart let out in sheer outrage. “What in the Hells is wrong with you?”
He ignored her remark, eyes fixed on you.
He was mad.
No.
He was furious.
Up until this point, you had only ever witnessed him protect Ava and vouched for her integrity, but it seemed that he was no longer interested in upholding his defence. 
“She told me she would tell you of this as she only recently found out about it.”
“To Hells with that!” he snarled. “Did you agree to that arrangement?”
Silence
But that was answer enough.
“You should have told me!”
You swallowed the uncomfortable lump in your throat. “You never listen to me when it comes to her!”
He clicked his tongue in annoyance. “This is different!”
“How?!”
Crimson eyes locked with yours as he scowled deeply. “She involved you!”
His admission stunned you into silence.
It wasn’t all that common nowadays to witness Shadowheart succumb to her protective instinct to the point of no return.
But you could tell she was close to snapping when she approached Astarion, yellow flames dangerously swirled across her palms.
“Give me one good reason not to blast this Ava into oblivion,” she growled with ire. “Or you, for that matter.”
He gave her a mocking scoff. “Darling, I’d love to see you try.”
She smiled deviously and you knew it was time to intervene. 
You carefully placed your hand on her arm. “Shadowheart.”
She glanced at you almost in disbelief. “‘Shadowheart’? He’s out here dealing with dodgy people and putting us all at risk! Now she’s also involved with murdering people in Waterdeep?”
Astarion let out an exasperated groan. “What connection is there between the two, then?”
In all honesty, you weren’t quite sure.
Not yet, at least.
At this point, you were allowing your gut feeling to guide you, and it could very well blow up in your face if she turned out to be innocent in all of this.
However… the warning signs were too loud to ignore.
“I… don’t know yet.”
Astarion was glaring at you with pursed lips, and you vaguely wondered if he was upset with you, or if he was actually upset that his judgement had failed him when it came to Ava.
“You can bleed yourself dry if you wish, but not her ,” Shadowheart pressed in a low voice.
“I know .” he shot back.
She took a step forward, her face dangerously close to his. “Then you’d do well to remember that my respect for you has its limits. Do not cross them.”
You tugged at her arm again, trying to put some distance in between them.
“Well, this conversation isn’t going anywhere,” he said after a while with a scoff before turning around to leave. “I’ll be in my room.”
You tried to go after him, but Shadowheart held you firmly in place. “Let him go.”
It was hard to do so, but you nodded as you sat on a nearby chair.
“I know you care deeply for him, but this is beyond ludicrous.” she said with a heavy sigh.
Her voice was that of reason, so you couldn’t fault her for being so apprehensive.
“He would never harm me.”
And you would always stand by this as sure as the sun is to rise.
“Not consciously, but by dealing with this woman, he might have opened a door to great peril.”
You nodded, avoiding her penetrating gaze. “Wyll is running a few checks on some information she gave me. I guess we’ll find an answer soon enough.”
Shadowheart’s face softened every so slightly.
“Please exert caution with Astarion,” she said, grabbing your hand. “And I’m not talking about this in particular.
Oh.
“I don’t doubt for a second that he cares for you, but I don’t want to see you bound to nightmares,” she said in a whisper. “That is no way of living.”
You took a deep breath. “Things are fine between us.”
Unexpectedly, she let out a chuckle. “Oh, I’m sure. My room is next to his and… well, let’s just say that I may have overheard him mumbling your name a few times…”
“What do you…”
Oh.
“So, just… be careful,” she pleaded as she gripped your hand fiercely. “I trust your judgement, but not his… especially not after this.
You felt your heart swell with affection for Shadowheart and you pulled her into a tight embrace, almost tearing up as you did so.
“Thank you.”
She rubbed your back affectionately and whispered, “I adore you.”
“So do I.”
It was becoming more and more apparent that standing outside Astarion’s room was almost part of a routine now.
After a few more seconds, she finally pulled back with a reassuring smile. “I’ll tell the Fists outside to inform Wyll of what’s happened.”
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And it was also unnecessarily hard to reach out for that first knock.
You had waited a couple of hours before deciding on what to do.
Wyll hadn’t shown up yet and there was still no word from Waterdeep.
So, you took a deep breath and as you were about to rasp your knuckles against the door, a charming voice was heard, “I know you’re outside.”
Of course he did.
“Can I come in?”
A brief pause.“Be my guest.”
You turned the knob and rushed inside, clicking the door shut behind you.
As expected, the room was plunged in a candle-lit dimness as the curtains draped over the window kept the blazing sun at bay.
Astarion lay on his bed, resting against the headboard as he threaded his way along a piece of cloth with a needle, his eyes solely focused on the task at hand.
Your stomach turned and twisted in knots, and you realised you weren’t quite sure how to start the conversation.
A low chuckle was heard. “I’m assuming you didn’t come here to simply stare at me, darling.”
The lightheartedness in his voice made you feel slightly at ease and you shook your head. “No. I suppose not.”
This time, he did meet your eyes briefly and your heart skipped a beat.“As dashing as I am, I’d rather hear what you have to say instead.”
Right.
You cleared your throat, taking careful steps towards him before taking a seat at the feet of his bed, mindful to keep a certain respectful distance.
“I should have told you about Ava earlier on when you asked me.”
“Indeed.”
He didn’t sound upset in the slightest.
If anything, there was a faint hint of strange calmness to his voice.
“As for Shadowheart…”
He let out a snort. “Please. The day she stops worrying about you is the day I’ll find her in a casket.”
You couldn’t help out a short chuckle as he was absolutely right. 
Still, you laced your hands in your lap, absentmindedly fidgeting with your fingers. “I…” you began, before drifting off as uncertainty took place. “I didn’t want to worry you.”
Astarion paused altogether and his crimson eyes were on you again.
“See, I do understand that reasoning,” he said, tugging at the thread that curled around one finger. “But considering the nature of your conversation with her, you should have told me right away.”
You nodded.
“As fruitful as my connection to her might prove to be, I cannot accept the deal you made with her.”
Your heart raced in your chest at how determined he seemed in his resolve. 
However…
“If what she says is true and someone is after us, this feels like a small price to pay.”
Astarion snipped the thread with a pair of scissors before setting his handiwork on the bedside table.
The look on his face could easily make the bravest men cower in fear.
“Nothing that involves you is a ‘small price to pay’,” he said, voice low and heavy. “It’s one thing for me to willfully provide my blood, and another for her to take advantage of you so blatantly.”
You frowned deeply. “She is also taking advantage of you, then.” 
“I can deal with her.”
Astarion had this tendency to sell himself short in terms of self-worth. At times, he was as confident as one could be, but the centuries of robbed autonomy and lack of genuine bond to others would often slip in and take hold.
He was probably not even aware of how easy it was for you to catch on to this, but you knew him well enough by now. 
“You don’t have to.”
He rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms. “Don’t tell me what I can or can’t do.”
It nearly shattered you to hear him put up his defences around you so unbelievably fast.
There was no need for that.
“Don’t ,” you nearly pleaded. “Please don’t assume I am trying to tell you what to do.”
Just as rapidly, his features softened ever so slightly. “I apologise.”
You vehemently shook your head. “I also apologise if my words came across as condescending.”
An unsettling silence took place.
His eyes roamed across your face and you felt more exposed to him than you had ever been even when fully naked in his presence.
Even though you felt comfortable and safe with him, there were times when you wondered if it was reciprocal.  
“Ava is not your concern,” he eventually said. “I will deal with her.”
You had no doubt he would.
It just saddened you that… “I know she was helping you out in more ways than one, even if I don’t particularly agree with the… method, so to speak.”
“Yet here you are, thinking that whatever bond I share with her is significant enough,” he said, voice dripping with amusement. “I am using her as much as she is using me. But I never allowed for that to extend to you. Ever .”
You swallowed as his harsh words hit you.
“That was her first mistake – involving you.”
“I took the deal freely.” you said.
“You didn’t have to at all,” he retorted impatiently. “She needs me more than I need her. So, if she knows anything about someone coming after us, she will tell me and I won’t be kind when I ask her to.”
Fair enough.
“Will you still give her your blood?”
“It depends.”
You blinked. “On what?”
“On how the conversation goes,” he said with a shrug. “Though what I do know for certain is that I will not give her blood after feeding on you.”
An impending sense of dread rose inside you and you vaguely wondered if you had just fucked up.
Information was power, and you worried that she might not take it well now that Astarion was openly against her proposal. 
But to be fair, she did mention she would let him know about all of this. So, it wasn’t truly your fault that he didn’t take it well, was it?
In fact, it was very much on brand with Astarion.
His sense of loyalty to you was unwavering and transcended any arrangement the two of you had agreed to.
And that was a bond not easily severed, probably much to Ava’s dismay.
“You are off limits.”
It wasn’t a subtle warning by any means and it made your heart swell with warmth somehow. His protectiveness nearly rivalled that of Shadowheart, though you wouldn’t dare tell her this.
A faint smile curled his lips. “I have to thank you.”
You arched an eyebrow. “For what?”
He hesitated at first. “I know you mean well. I do know that.”
Oh, Astarion…
“You’re a better friend than I could ever have hoped for – or even deserve,” he went on. “It is hard at times to be vulnerable. I was never allowed to. For centuries I equated being vulnerable to being weak… even pathetic.”
You were unsure of how to respond, but you felt each word tug at your heartstrings in a way that you had only felt when he had confessed his feelings for you back in Moonrise Towers. 
“I’m still getting used to this…” He paused abruptly as if pondering his next words. “Allowing myself to feel all these emotions, I suppose.”
“You are more deserving than you think,” you said truthfully. “Give yourself some credit. You used to be bound to your selfishness when we first met. You didn’t care for others because no one ever cared for you.”
His face held an expression akin to hurt, but it was the good kind of pain. Breaking one’s protective shell didn’t come without discomfort, but it was worth it in the long run. 
Unconsciously, you shifted along the edge of the bed as the overwhelming urge to embrace him took over you at once. 
Still, you didn’t want to push it, so you halted once you were sitting right next to him, which earned an amused smile from him.
“I have something for you.”
“Oh?”
He reached his hand to grab the piece of cloth on the nightstand. The very same he had just been embroidering moments ago.
“Come here.”
Your heart skipped a beat as he tapped his thigh twice. 
Noticing your hesitancy, he repeated the motion until you gathered yourself, feeling a rush of heat pool at your cheeks.
“You do have a thing for keeping me waiting, darling.” he remarked playfully.
A chuckle made its way past your lips as you moved to settle on his lap, careful not to sit too close to his-
“Here you go,” he said, proffering what resembled a kerchief of some sort.
You took it in your hands, admiring its silky texture and mesmerising fusion of different shades of blue that swirled beautifully together until your eyes spotted the yellow-threaded embroidery sprawled along one corner.
Your name.
The needlework was impeccable as always.
Your eyes widened in sheer bewilderment as you remembered the last time he had offered you such a gift.“I – this is beautiful,” you managed to say. “The other one was a masterpiece as well.”
He chuckled tenderly. “The timing of my offering was rather inopportune on that day – I should have waited until we were back in camp.”
His words were sweet and caressed you like a lover, and you could feel yourself drawn more and more to him.
“May I?”
You nodded as he took the kerchief from your hands only to have it drape around your neck, his fingers tugging gently at both ends as his eyes met yours.
Oh.
Fuck.
You only had time to hastily hold on to the headboard with both hands for support as he pulled you in closer. “May I kiss you?”
It was an uncomfortable position to be in since you were trying to avoid his crotch at all costs.
“Where?”
His gaze dropped to your lips.
“Friends don’t do that.” you teased, but still inching closer to him.
“Darling ,” he began with a click of his tongue, rolling the edges of the fabric around each finger. “We haven’t been friends for quite a while now.”
And then he kissed you.
It was a hungry and urgent kiss and his tongue quickly slipped past your lips, causing you to instantly melt into him.
The softest moan escaped your throat as you felt a single fang nip teasingly at your lower lip.
Driven by pure instinct, you shifted along his thighs until you were pressed against his crotch.
He broke the kiss to let out a strained groan and you immediately lifted your hips, alarmed that you had gone too far.
But his hands immediately dropped to your waist, holding you in place. “Don’t.”
You met his lustful gaze. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t. Please .”
He didn’t push you back against him, but you felt his fingers tease the waistband of your trousers. 
“Astarion…” you said, unsure if this was a good idea.
He tugged again, but more gently this tme. “We don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with.”
Oh, you were more than eager to carry on. In fact, you were desperate .
You bit your lip, torn between listening to reason or giving in to the moment.
The latter won by a landslide. 
You nodded and he masterfully undid the buttons and laces with one hand.
“Do you trust me?”
What an odd question from him. “You know I do.”
His thumb traced your jawline before grazing your lower lip and earning a sigh from you. “Can I trust you not to scream?”
“Scream? Why would I-”
Realisation hit you like a tidal wave and your eyes widened as words died in your mouth.
Oh.
Astarion smiled cheekily, patting your thigh, clearly urging you to slide off of his lap.  “Lock the door.”
You were still taken aback and didn't move an inch, staring into his crimson eyes instead as your heart drummed rapidly in your chest.
“Lock the door .”
It resembled a plea, which caused you to clench involuntarily from how desperate he sounded.
Swiftly slipping off his lap, you hurried across his room to turn the key below the doorknob until a click was heard.
By the time you turned around, Astarion had removed his shirt and you were rooted in place, utterly speechless.
He was a work of art. 
No words of praise would ever do him justice.
Your mouth had dropped slightly open and he chuckled deviously. “You’re free to stay there and gawk, but I’d rather have you on top of me.”
His teasing snapped you out of your trance-like state and you felt a stronger wave of heat flare across your face and rush down your body.
Your legs felt weak all of a sudden, but you found your way back to him as you always did.
In the end, all roads did lead back to him.
As if driven by an outside force, you quickly slipped out of your trousers, only leaving on your underwear which was already gathering a growing wet spot.
His stare was fixed on your lower half and you spotted the familiar outline of his cock strained in his own trousers.
He eased you back on his lap with a firm grip on your waist and a boyish grin on his lips. Your hands settled on his bare shoulders, still mindful to not lower your hips too much.
“So, my dearest friend… ” he said, adjusting the kerchief around your neck. “How often do you indulge in such activities with your other friends?”
You smirked playfully. “Not often enough.”
He mirrored your expression, fingers slowly undoing each button of your shirt. “Oh? I wonder who crosses your mind, then.”
You.
But he already knew that as his hands travelled down your chest, each breath allowing your shirt to part wide enough to expose your heaving breasts.
“Is it Wyll?”
“You and your obsession with Wyll,” you laughed as he slowly pulled the fabric to the side, exposing each breast at a time. “I’m starting to think you want him for yourself.”
His eyes left yours to gaze at a perky nipple. “The question is: would you be willing to share?”
You whimpered softly as his thumb traced the underside of one breast and you felt too tempted to press down against his erection just so you could comfort the throb in between your legs. 
“Of course… I’m all for sharing friends.” 
Once he began grazing your nipple, you had to grip his shoulders tighter to anchor yourself.
Your body undulated instinctively, earning a hum of approval from him.
“Would you let Wyll do this, then? As a friend, obviously.”
You were about to arch a brow at his question when you felt one finger pulling your underwear to the side, exposing yourself to him.
It was almost comical how soaked you already were.
You reckoned it was enough to take more than just his fingers.
“Would you let him, darling?”
“I–”
But your voice died in your throat as he ran a single cool finger along your folds, carefully avoiding the swell in between them much to your agony.
The shift in temperature was always something that took some time getting used to and you occasionally flinched as your body adjusted to his touch.
“Can I do this, then?” he asked in a low growl as he teased your entrance. “As a friend.”
You rolled your hips out of reflex and he sank into you with ease until he was knuckle-deep. 
“Gods…” you moaned in sheer relief, instinctively clenching around him.
He then pressed his thumb between your folds, causing your hips to jerk as he teased the pulsing swell. It wasn’t long until you began to slowly ride him, your eyes nearly fluttering shut.
“You can take more, can’t you?” he cooed, moving his hand to tease your other nipple. “I remember how eager you used to be for my cock.”
At this rate, he would make you come from his teasing words alone and with a single finger buried inside you.
“Astarion… don’t…” you moaned as you rolled your hips, urging him on. 
He needed to shut up…
You needed him to stop talking before-
He suddenly slipped a second finger and you lost your balance, pressing your breasts against his bare chest while seeking support from his shoulder as you buried your face in his neck.
“You have no idea how I longed to be inside you again,” he sighed, his fingers gripping your waist and guiding your sloppy rolls, eventually setting the pace. “My hands can never feel as divine as you do.”
Gods…
You shuddered violently as your moans quickly turned into sobs and whimpers, the wet lewd sounds filling your ears.
He pressed the heel of his palm against you, the delicious friction causing you to rake your  hand down from his shoulder and along his chest until he caught your wrist, pressing your heated palm against his hardened nipple.
Astarion immediately groaned and you felt him arch into you.
“Darling…” he moaned, pumping his fingers faster inside you. “Please look down.”
You were so out of it, that his words didn’t register at first, so you kept on riding him in between sobs, further teasing his nipple under your touch.
“Look down,” he repeated more firmly, nearly slipping out of you. “I want you to see the mess you’ve made.”
“ No-no-no … please…” you nearly cried in exasperation, moving your hips desperately against him.
“Then look down.”
You growled in pure frustration, somehow managing to pull back enough to have your eyes land on the hand in between your legs.
It was soaked down to his wrist, and you could see some of it beginning to drip, staining his strained bulge.
You felt an overwhelming wave of embarrassment wash down over you and tried to bury your face in his neck again, but he gripped your chin with his fingers, halting you.
“Do not hide from me,” he said, slipping his fingers back inside as he stared into your half-hooded eyes. “This is one of the highest praises you can offer me.” And he proved his point by planting the softest kiss on your lips.
You immediately melted into his praise, realising just how lovely he could be…
The pent-up sexual frustration was at an all time high and you could feel the familiar coil in your lower abdomen reach the point of no return.
You wished you were strong enough to fight him back with snarky and witty replies, but your concentration was broken. 
“What about a third one?”
You didn’t care anymore.
You just wanted release.
It had been too long since he had made you come and you'd take anything he gave you at this point.
“Just…” you began, chasing after that high relentlessly. “ Just… ”
He had the nerve to chuckle at your frustration and you felt a third finger prodding at your entrance.
You could take it.
You would take it.
The fullness would most surely remind you of his cock and you needed it.
You were wet enough to accommodate him as he pushed through, earning a gasp from you followed by a shudder and a strained groan.
“I don’t mean to brag, but I highly doubt dear Wyll would get this reaction from you.”
“Gods… stop talking about Wyll as you’re inside me,” you managed to string coherents words together in between your moans. “Just… please…”
He pressed a kiss to your flushed cheek. “You always take me so well.”
How you wished it was his cock instead, stretching you even more and filling you deeper.
You were nearly there.
“Don’t scream, darling.” he teased as you rode him desperately. “We wouldn't want dear Shadowheart to overhear your wanton cries.”
Well, Shadowheart was already privy to the nature of your relationship with Astarion thanks to him and how he clearly didn't shy away from taking care of himself with others around.
Your mind was about to blank and you slid the kerchief from your neck, feeling the need to bite down on something as you reached your peak.
A few more hip rolls did the trick and one last stroke of his thumb along your folds managed to push you right over the edge.
Your contractions were so violent and strong at first you thought you might die from how hard you were clenching around him, your legs wobbling dangerously as you were drained of lifeforce with each blinding wave of bliss.
The piece of cloth in your mouth didn’t do much to muffle you as your climax tore throughout your body, but it was better than having nothing.
Astarion only slid out once you had slumped into his chest, barely able to keep your breathing steady.
Your knees gave out and you sank down against his crotch, earning a guttural growl from deep within him.
Shit.
You instantly slid off of him, worrying you had accidentally gone too far. “Astarion… I’m…”
He shook his head, the hand that was soaked in your wetness clawing at the front of his trousers as his eyes were pressed shut.
Oh.
“I’ll take care of this…” he let out a pained hiss.
Oh.
“I can just leave,” you mumbled. “I’m…”
His trousers were now undone and you could see his clothes cock faintly throbbing.
And he shook his head once again. “You can stay – you can watch… if you want to.” His words were coated in urgent lust. 
Your eyes widened at his proposition and you thought you might implode right there and then.
You had barely come down from your climax and the throbbing that had begun to subside was already about to match your quickened heartbeat.
“Or you can leave…” he said in a low and strained voice.
Oh, he was truly holding back…
“I… can stay.” you offered at once, sitting next to him and trying to ignore the lust that was building inside you once again.
This wasn't about you.
He quickly nodded and with a swift tug he freed his cock and you had to bite down hard on your lip at the mesmerising sight in front of you.
A single strand of precum dangled from the tip, already pooling on his lower abdomen. 
“Gods above…” he let out a sigh of relief, hips lifting from the mattress as he wrapped the hand drenched in your wetness around him. 
This was too hot to witness and you curled your hands into fists on your lap, wishing nothing more than to touch him again.
But you knew he needed this.
He needed to feel at ease with his body first.
His eyes met yours briefly before dropping to your chest and to your breasts as they heaved from your laboured breathing.
You removed your shirt, not wanting to obstruct his view and Astarion growled .
The pace was slow at first as he squeezed his cock, but he quickly picked up, mixing your wetness with his with each stroke.
He looked positively ethereal as his handsome face twisted in pleasure, lips parted and razor-sharp fangs peeking through. 
Should you say something? Should you praise him? Encourage him? Or would it be too much?
From what you remembered, he seemed to revel in your teasing words in moments of shared bliss, but how much of that was an act back then? Was he ever able to fully enjoy being with you?
In doubt, you chose to remain silent as you watched him bring himself closer to his own climax.
It didn't take him long to start mumbling your name in between heated pants and there was no way back now.
You were throbbing hard again, wetness spilling from you with each involuntarily clench. 
Your body was so ready for him… it was almost painful.
A thicker string of precum bridged his tip to his abdomen, and you nearly moaned, remembering its sweet taste.
He rolled his hips languidly, eyes never leaving you as he gripped the bedsheets under him with such force you reckoned me might tear right through the fabric.
That sparked newfound curiosity inside you.
Slowly, you leaned forward, shifting closer just to have your hand next to his without quite touching him, but close enough for him to feel your warmth.
I'm here… I'm with you, you wanted to whisper, but only heard the words echo in your head.
He groaned in response and, much to your surprise, he released the sheets and his fingers found you, intertwining them in yours as he held on to you. 
Your heart might have skipped several beats, you were no longer sure at this rate.
You had seen him reach his peak a handful of times before, but there was something different about the way he toppled over the edge this time.
He threw his head back against the headboard, straining his neck as his mouth dropped open, your name being the only intelligible word you could make out in the midst of hisses and groans. 
Your heart was hammering so fast in your chest that you feared you might not make it as he reached his peak.
His hips still momentarily and he covered his swollen tip with his hand and the first spurts of cum began to slip through his fingers before dribbling down to gather at the base and across his lower abdomen.
You held his hand formçy through his climax. Perhaps the first genuine one you had ever witnessed, which invoked an odd feeling of… delight?
For the second time in just a mere couple of days, the two of you held hands albeit seeking varying degrees of comfort and relief.
Beads of sweat rolled down his temple and covered his bare torso as he descended from his high and that was when his eyes met yours.
Your stomach turned and you felt the throb between your legs begin to ease with each passing second.
“Will you kiss me?”
His request took you by surprise, but you promptly shifted next to him until your face was close enough that your lips grazed his.
Only then did he let go of your hand and merely because he meant to hold your chin as he kissed you softly.
It carried neither urgency nor lust.
Just a pure display of silent  intimacy that strummed at your heartstrings more effectively than any other praise he could ever offer you.
You melted into his sweet touch and allowed your kiss to express the unspoken words you had yet to tell him.
I love you…
Whichever form of love it was, all you knew was that it felt right and love overdue.
You could feel him occasionally smile against your lips and there was not a single drop of doubt in you.
I love you.
After what felt like an eternity, you pulled away, already mourning his touch.
“Shadowheart knows.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Oh?”
You had to hold back a chuckle. “She heard you – well, when you were… handling things after feeding on me.”
The most mischievous of smiles settled on his lips. 
“I thought you said you were quiet…”
“I was, darling,” he said before pecking your cheek. “For the most part, that is.”
You giggled and then stared at him in awe as his beauty increased tenfold from where you sat.
He was impossibly handsome.
“You’re so…”
“Charming?”
You rolled your eyes as he pressed his cool lips to your other cheek.
“Beautiful?”
Another kiss.
“You’re so… you.” you blurted out almost feeling embarrassed from how basic your praise was.
But it drew the biggest smile from him, and you mirrored it instantly.
“Well…”
You watched as his eyes dropped to his lower half and yours widened slightly at the obscene amount of cum was now dribbling down his sides in thick beads. His hand was still holding his now softening cock, fingers drenched in his own spend.
“That’s a lot…” you said.
He nodded, looking almost as perplexed as you were. “I don’t think I’ve ever…” and his voice trailed down.
And you knew exactly what he meant.
With a warm smile, you extended your hand, offering him the kerchief he had gifted you moments before.
He visibly winced. “No, darling. It would be nigh criminal to use such delicate fabric on this .”
Your smile widened. “Can I fetch you a towel then?”
“Please,” he said with an exasperated sigh. “It’s rather messy here.”
You pressed a fleeting kiss to his lips before sliding off the bed and hurriedly slipping into your shirt and trousers and crossing the room.
The key turned in one swift move and you quickly left the room.
You were only able to take a few steps before a silhouette startled you.
Shadowheart.
She was leaning against the railing by the top of the staircase with folded arms and a quirked brow.
“Gods! You scared me,” you said, clutching at your chest. 
“Glad some of us are able to enjoy ourselves in such times.”
You swallowed hard. “Uh… we were just talking.”
She snickered humorously. “I suppose it’s a form of communication.”
An overwhelming heatwave spread across your face. Had you been that loud? Or had he? 
Then her expression turned serious. “Pull yourself together. We have visitors.” 
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TBC
2K notes · View notes
writingwithcolor · 1 year ago
Text
It wouldn’t be historically accurate for my story to include BIPOC!
This is an argument often made about European-style fantasy media like Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings, and Disney’s Frozen. Audiences, often white, assume that due to the majority-white setting, adding any visible number of BIPOC to the story would be unrealistic.
What these critics fail to realize is that BIPOC do in fact live, and have lived, in these settings, and records of BIPOC presence in places assumed to be majority-white have been buried, written out, or not taught due to white supremacist and/or colonial bias in the field of history. There are historical European settings that were far more diverse than is often portrayed. Consider:
The Moorish Empire exerted an extensive influence over life and culture in Southern Europe from Spain from 711 to 1492
The Ottomans were heavily involved in European affairs up until the treaty of Karlowitz in 1699, but still considered a part of Europe even through the 19th century
The sheer size of the Roman Empire ensured the continued movement of people from various backgrounds within the Mediterranean well until the end of the Byzantine Empire.
“Historical accuracy” should not be used as an excuse for media to be exclusively white in its casting. While there are places which are or were predominantly white, there will always be factors like global trade and immigration that bring multiculturalism to their doors.
And even if the presence of a certain demographic is unrealistic for a certain setting? Consider that we’ve accepted far worse inaccuracies in historical fiction in the name of artistic license. Consider that our understanding of human history is, and will always be, incomplete.
Further Reading:
Historically Diverse London, “Historical Accuracy,” and Creator Accountability
Making a Black Pride and Prejudice Resonate
---
This Q&A is an excerpt from our General FAQ for Newcomers, which can be found in our new Masterpost of rules and FAQs. If you're new to Writing With Color and/or want more writing resources, check it out!
-Writing With Color
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httpsryu · 3 months ago
Text
the cc; campus crush : 2
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pairing: kim minjeong x fem! reader
summary: kim minjeong feels her heart rush at the sight of the cold-hearted rich girl
category: enemies-to-lovers(in minjeong's head)
genre: this part is ANGSTY
warnings: y/n is kind of mean (ITS IN HER BLOOD)
a/n: i had no clue that cc would have this much support! thank you so much guys <3
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The second the professor ended the lecture, students bombards the door. Jimin turns back to her shoulder to check up on Minjeong and see if she's going to hang with her and the others. However, seeing you still next to her gives her other ideas.
Her phone lets out a small buzz, having her look at it and she smiles while typing back an 'alright, have fun! i'll inform the others'.
"Think Minjeong is going to be with someone else today." Jimin informs Aeri and Yizhou while closing up her notebooks and putting them in her extremely large and heavy black backpack.
Aeri swears that backpack can be used as a dumbbell workout at this rate.
Both Aeri and Yizhou nods, putting two-and-two together.
"I admit, I'm surprised that Minjeong is managing this far with Hong Y/N." The Japanese amusedly turns back to look at her friend and the cold-faced rich girl. "I kind of thought they would just sit next to each other and that would be it."
The Chinese besides her throws her head back in a fit of laughter. "Come on! Give some hope in our Jeongie."
On the other hand, Minjeong patiently waits for you as you finish typing out the rest of the lecture's notes. However, she can see the slight confusion resting upon your very attractive face at some of the points given in today's lecture.
She assumes it's probably because you're not here for every class so confusion would make sense.
"Hey..um..if you always need help with anything, feel free to ask me. I can always help assist you." The short-haired offers, a bit shy, of course.
This reaction of the intriguing female sparks sort of a frenzy in you. Of course; you cannot pinpoint what it is.
"I don't need your help." A blunt yet short response comes from you.
You aren't sure if what you said was offensive, as you've always are used to that tone while growing up. However, to Minjeong, it seems a bit too honest. But then again, she understands it. You are a cold person like everyone else said. She can stand it.
"Ah." She can only respond, nodding as she doesn't want to push any boundaries on you.
With a slam from closing your laptop, you shove the device into your backpack. With no care if it breaks or not because less work for you to do. You look up after zipping up the bag.
"You should close that more gently." Minjeong suggests, seeing you raise your eyebrow at her suggestion. "Just because your hand can get hurt."
If anyone can see the way your eyes soften for a glimpse second, it would be the heavens from above.
"It's whatever." You reply, getting out of your seat.
The short-haired doesn't move, still frozen at where she is sitting. Unsure of whether you'd still want to grab coffee with her or not. It seemed like she pushed your buttons, judging from how you respond.
"Are we getting coffee or not?" You ask, sounding a little bit impatient as you couldn't help but to swing your bag in a sassy manner as you also don't forget to fix your hair with a swing of a finger.
Minjeong's eyes widens, immediately getting out of where she was sitting and rushing over to your side. "Yeah we are."
"She's like a puppy. A bit cute." You can't help but to mumble under your breath, walking ahead of her, a smile kind of crept to your mouth as you hear her following swiftly behind you.
Minjeong shoots her friends a small smile before disappearing out the classroom to catch up with you.
"You know what?" Yizhou stands up, ready for a snack break before her 12 PM class starts. "I kind of ship it."
Aeri gets what Yizhou means. "Honestly, it's like a cute love-smitten nerd and her bossy mean girlfriend."
Both Minjeong and Y/N kind of clicks well, looking good to the eyes too.
"Can we stop by the vending machines so I can get some more energy drinks?" Jimin asks, pushing her glasses up on the nose bridge.
The Japanese and Chinese look at each other, sighing before shaking their heads NO.
"PLEASE!"
"NO!" Both girls say in unison, getting up from their seat.
"Hey! Where are you guys going? Wait for me!" Jimin pushes up her glasses on her nose bridge once again before hastily putting the rest of her supplies in her very heavy backpack in a frantic.
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Minjeong cannot believe she is sitting right in front of THE Hong Y/N. How does one get lucky with their campus crush? Certainly Minjeong must've been a hero in her past life because what do you mean Y/N is here having coffee with her?
Feeling a pair of eyes on you, you divert your eyes from the coffee cup in your hands to the short-haired female.
Minjeong flashes her eyes to somewhere else, not wanting you to catch her staring, enamored by you.
You hate to admit it but Minjeong is pretty cute.
Your phone rings, having you span your attention somewhere else as you grab it from your bag. With a sigh, you decline the call before stuffing it in back into your bag.
"If you have places to be, we can end the day here."
Furrowing your brows at the other sitting across from you, you shake your head. You don't want to seem rude, especially after someone treated you out. "No. It's fine."
"I understand that you're a busy person." Minjeong responds back, reaching over to take a sip of the sweet-looking frappe (you try your best to not cringe at how sweet it is).
"Minjeong-shi?" You call her name and the church bells started ringing in the other girl's head at the way you said her name. "I don't leave my appointments hanging."
Oh.
Appointments.
That's all Minjeong would ever be to you.
While she's over here thinking it was a chance to know one another, you see her as an appointment. A one-time thing. Minjeong knew it was too good to be true. Why would someone like you ever be into someone like her?
You seem to take notice of the sudden dejection of the other sitting across from you. However, you did not want to ask her if everything is alright. After all, you don't have the time to do anything yet alone, try to get to know someone else. After four years of university, you'll never see anyone from campus again.
There's no point in getting to know someone.
Just even getting coffee with this girl is a lot of time taken from you.
"I think it's best if we cut it short." You look down at the watch on your wrist, already dreading at the fact that you need to be at the department. You can already hear the scolding from both your father and sister.
Time is a limitation to you, Minjeong assumes.
"Oh. Yeah, I understand!" The red haired is about to stand up from her seat to greet you out but you stop her from doing so.
"No need for that." Disliking the idea of someone walking you out, especially if it's someone that does not work for the family. You pick up your handbag, giving the other a small half-smile. "I enjoyed this."
Minjeong can only smile back in response, unsure of what else to say. It's quite evident that you don't want to waste your time with someone like her. She takes the hint, she gets it.
She feels foolish, honestly.
"Well then, I am off now." You turn, ready to walk away with your signature Valentino heels, that make quite a presence to themselves. However, you turn back around to lock eye contact with the puppy-eyed girl. "See you around."
"Yeah. See you.." The puppy-eyed girl responds quietly to your farewell.
A sad sigh escapes from her, her shoulders falling beside her as she slumps herself in the chair. Wondering why someone as pretty as you have to be such a busy person.
Was there a need to call her your appointment though?
It's quite clear that Minjeong wants to know you better, hell, you probably already knew.
And yet; you called her an appointment.
Everyone's right.
You are a cold-hearted soul.
But why does Minjeong still like the idea of you and her? Even though it's clear you're not interested in her the same way she is in you. Why does Minjeong still want to keep trying?
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Tip-toeing between the many different stores in the department, you check a quick scan-looking around for any sights of a Hong Haein. You let out a sigh of relief before running fast to another store across from you.
"Why are you late?"
Startled at the sudden voice, your heart starts wanting to leap out your chest at the voice of your older sister.
"Hi..." You force a smile, turning around to be met with Haein, her brows furrowed from frustration, pout evident on her lips and her arms are crossed as she repeatedly taps her right foot as she waits for your reasoning. "I just had an appointment."
Haein lowers her gaze, meeting with your height. "You missed the meeting for an appointment?"
"Yeah...?"
The older stares straight on, not caring if it made you feel small nor vulnerable. "An appointment isn't going to be there in the future like this department store is."
"Yes, I know that." You're tired of hearing anything to do with the department and the business that comes from it.
Haein clenches her jaw, not wanting to lose her patience in front of the customers. "If you knew that, why did you miss the meeting? Do you not care about your future?"
"I do care..." Your voice suddenly becoming quiet, blinking fast while looking away from your sister's gaze to not let the tears fall.
The older Hong can only let out a sigh. "Look, someday, I'll stop being the CEO of this department store and I want you to take my place. How can I trust you for this position when you don't even show up to these important meetings we have?"
"I'll do better."
"You always say that to get out of me nagging you." Haein tsks, her patience getting less with you. "How is Soocheol more reliable than you?"
Digging your nails into the palm of your hands from withstanding the awful and horrible words you were about to say to your sister, you can only nod.
"There was no point to even show up." Your sister looks down at her watch, staring at the time which means it was pointless to even try to talk sense into you. "Just go home or wherever you came from."
Before you could respond, the older puts up her hand to answer a phone call. You can only look away in frustration at the way she doesn't care about your feelings. Why would she try to understand?
She's the most successful out of the three of you.
Of course, she doesn't understand.
She loves being in this business, that's how much she loves the company.
Why couldn't it be the same for you?
"Grandfather wants to see us tonight for a family meeting tonight." Haein puts her phone away, looking at you with a stern look but her eyes softened for a quick glimpse at how tired you looked. "Y/N, you know I love you more than Soocheol. I don't want to nag you, but it's my job to make sure you'll do well in this business. Do you understand?"
Staring down at your heels, you can only sigh.
"Aren't you going to answer me?"
"Alright."
With a final nod and a small tight lipped smile, Haein turns around and walks away on her heels.
Knowing that you're not actually allowed to head back home until everyone else leaves, you can only gather yourself together before standing up with your back straight and face held high. Letting out another deep breath before composing yourself to continue the act you've perfected for years, you walk off towards the elevators.
Making sure each step of your heels are seen with confidence, like how your family wanted to be known as. Staring straight on, ignoring the passer-by's attention that are naturally drawn to you.
You see your secretary waiting for you at the elevators ready to give you your assigned orders given to you by both your father and sister.
"Hi Secretary Park." You open out your hand, waiting for the iPad to be given.
The older lady in front bows. "Good evening, Miss Hong." Handing you the iPad which shows the stocks, shares and information regarding of each store in the department. "The CEO wants you to write an analytical summary of each store regarding their sales."
And how in the world do you do that?
"Without Director Baek's assistance." Your secretary says with worry.
Hong Haein is doing this on purpose! What the hell?
"Got it." You look down at the screen in your hands, wanting to just throw and break the device displaying the graphs in front of your face. "Inform her that I'll try to get that at the end of next week."
Noticing the uncomfortable yet concerned expression on Secretary Park's face, you tilt your head. "What?"
"She wants this all done by tomorrow."
Fucking hell.
"Oh. Ok."
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Minjeong types on her laptop in the dimly-lit library on campus, of course, with her best friends by her side because who needs girls when she has three awesome people.
But, in spite of that, the short-haired ejects a small upset sigh to where she can't even focus on her assignments. This, of course earned her three friends to turn to her, pitying the other.
"There's other of plenty pretty women on this campus, you know?" Aeri softly says, tapping her pen on her notebook as she tries to think of someone's name. "What about Ryujin?"
Minjeong stops typing, looking up from the screen and at the Japanese. "No, she's too much of a flirt and besides, her and I would clash in the worst way possible."
"Plus she's in a situation-ship with Yeji..." Yizhou mumbles, trying not to let Jimin hear.
The oldest of the four picks her head up from the medical book she's buried in. "You don't have to walk on eggshells around me when you talk about Yeji, alright? She wasn't out the closet during that time and I completely gotten over it."
The short-haired can only stare at her best friend, never forgetting the night when Jimin, the most composed and mature of the group lost her chill that night when Yeji and her ended things. Perhaps, it could be the case for you. You probably weren't into women.
Minjeong glances over at Aeri, wondering when the Japanese would just confess to Jimin already.
"Hmm..what about Yunjin?" Aeri suggests the pretty red-haired music major.
Minjeong shakes her head in agony. "I'll never find someone like Y/N."
"Obviously. She's a rich woman whose family earned their way up. She knows how to hold herself well." Yizhou points out the obvious, not surprised at all for Minjeong feeling the way she feels.
Jimin sighs, looking up from the book she's burying her face into. "Minjeong, I'm saying this to you as your best friend. It's okay to have an ideal type, but it's also alright to accept potential candidates too. Why do you seem to be interested in Hong Y/N so much?"
"I-I don't know where I should start. For starters, she's a very pretty girl. One of the most pretty girls, if not-the prettiest girl I've ever laid my eyes on. She somehow, despite being busy with her family, she's always balancing work-school life. Like yeah, she's kind of mean but I kind of like that about her. I don't mind her being mean to me at all."
"Oh." Jimin can only react with. "You're in pretty deep."
Minjeong can only sigh, putting her head into her hands with frustration. "She made it clear that she isn't interested in anything but why do I want to keep trying?"
"Good luck." Aeri snorts, dismissively going back to studying.
The puppy-like female brings her head back up at Aeri's dismissive attitude leaving Yizhou laughing. This results in Minjeong flicking a pencil at the Chinese's teasing.
"OW!"
Minjeong can only shrug. "You all think its funny that I'm pining over someone who wants nothing to do with me, right?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe."
"Let's have some faith in our Minjeong, come on."
Minjeong wants to bury herself in a hole for even being like this over a girl. But it's not just any girl...ITS you.
"Guys, I think I'm going to keep trying." Minjeong announces with full determination in her eyes.
Jimin, Aeri and Yizhou can only sigh in response.
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august 2, 2024; publishing date
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