#we're not in the us you can get a diagnosis i do not care how hard it is or how much you struggle with asking for help

[xxlelaxx]

I'm so over people making their problems someone else's problem. Listen buddy, you got issues, you take care of it. Don't make everyone else around you do it. Figure it out cause everyone else has to do that too <3

[obscurevideogames]

Tumblr’s Core Prodct Stratgy

Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on trying to keep our sinking ship afloat for as long as possible. This means desperately trying to copy every new fly-by-night social media app that some multi-billionaire sh*t out during their daily Peloton routine. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. If you find the things we say here worrisome, please understand that is our exact intention. You've outgrown our target demographic. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

The Diagnosis

It's lookin' pretty bad y'all!

After somehow losing hundreds of thousands of users during the great pr0n purge of 2018, we started to wonder if anything could be done to get back to where we were. We even brought in a management consultant who charged us a ridiculous amount of money. It would make you sick if you knew how much, but we got a few nice meals out of it at least. Anyhow, we handed this guy the app, and HE HAD NO IDEA HOW TO USE IT! It was f*cking hilarious! But suddenly it all clicked -- our users are a bunch of stupid idiots who can't even do basic arithmetic. I mean, they spend all day looking at their phones, so what do you expect?

Tumblr’s best feature is its unique content and vibrant communities. But who cares, right? We're just as happy getting traffic from people sh*t-posting memes, vague-booking, giving out-of-context hot takes to news events, and spewing whatever random thought is in their head at the moment. Plus that stuff doesn't p*ss off Apple.

To keep this thing going we need new people. And by "people" we mean teenagers, like we used to have back in the good ol' days. Unfortunately we're all in our 40s now, so we have no idea what they want. But teenagers are so cool! Imagine if they talked to us like we're one of them? We're getting hard just thinking about it.

Our Guidng Principls

To make Tumblr cool again, we must address these huge glaring issues.

People can look at a blog without logging in. How is that fair to all the poor schlubs who had to fill out forms to get an account? Also we haven't figured out a way to force ads onto the personalized pages yet. But we swear that's not the main reason.

People can see content they are looking for or linked to. People can keep up with blogs they follow. But the problem with this is, people don't know what they want. We know what they want! We're smart. We wrote this damn site, remember?

Promote posts that incite pointless conversations. Posts that are guaranteed to bait every troll into responding. Isn't that why all your Magat relatives love Facebook so much? We can do that!

P*ss off your content creators in every way possible (see #2).

Create algorithms that throw an unending barrage of irrelevant content in your face. Have you seen Instagram lately? We could do that so easy!!!

The app is slow. The website is slow. Obviously this is because of GIFs. Facebook and Instagram don't allow them, so why should we?

Conclusion

Our mission changes on a day-to-day basis. Right now we're super jealous of all the attention that new Threads thing is getting. We're still not sure what it is, but we're gonna download it after work.

[tobereadindiapers-again]

The Nurse Pt 1.

You laid on the cold, hard hospital bed starring at the ceiling, trying your best to hold back your tears. Your tears were the final thing you felt you still had some control of, the final connection you felt you had to your masculinity, they fell despite your best effort. The diaper wrapped around your midsection warmed as you felt urine trickle over your now hairless balls and absorb in the soft damp padding under your cheeks, as if to confirm your masculinity was indeed a thing of the past.

You tried not to let the diagnosis replay itself in your head for the millionth time, but it seemed, as if with all things, that too was out of your control. "The surgery had some unexpected complications." "Fully incontinent" "adult briefs". You ventured a feel under your blanket. Hand running under the hospital gown to collide abruptly with smooth plastic. You ran your hand over the swollen bulge probing gingerly at the soft padding. It was so thick you could hardly feel your own dick through all of the padding. 

"Diapers", you thought, "I'm going to be stuck in diapers for the rest of my life." The tears came unabated now. 

There was a sudden knock at the door, and it creaked open. 

"Mr.... Mr. Smith?"

You quickly pulled your hand from under your sheets, and tried to wipe the tears from your eyes.

You clear your throat and sit up with a sniffle. "Erhm, yes. Yes that's me."

You were dismayed to see the nurse that entered the room was some 5 years your junior, and absolutely beautiful. You could read on her face that your attempts to hide your emotions had been futile. She wore a mask of sadness and pity. 

"I'm sorry, do you... do you need a minute?" She asked, brushing her hair back anxiously with her fingers.

"No, no. I'm... I'm fine." You say trying to regain your composure. "What, what is it?"

"Well I'm here to ummm, well, to get you cleaned up."

"Oh..." you stammer, the reality of the situation donning on you. "No, there's no need for you to do that. I can manage it I'm sure."

"Yeah, um, I'm sure you can, but you see it's hospital policy I'm afraid. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I uh, well I do this all the time, haha." She chuckled the last part uncomfortably.

"What? Why is that hospital policy? I promise it's not an issue."

"Yes, I know I know. I wish that wasn't the case, but I'm sure you can understand, a lot of our other patients who have... recently started using protection, are much less capable of you, and well some of them get embarrassed as well. We, need to be certain that you're changed" she paused "that you have adequate protection until you are discharged from our care. It's a legal thing, I'm sure you understand, right? Plus! Looking at your chart it seems we're just holding you overnight for observation, so you'll be out of here and on your own by tomorrow morning! Isn't that good news?"

Tears once again stung the back of your eyes. "Please be quick." You affirmed with a crack in your voice. 

The nurse nodded curtly and started pulling on her nitrile gloves. From under your bed she produced a fresh folded diaper, a plastic tube of ointment, a large plastic bottle, and a package of wipes. 'So much equipment' you thought. So much is needed for me just to use the bathroom now.' She placed all of it beside you and stopped.

"I'm Sarah" she said.

"Matt." You replied looking away.

"Nice to meet you Matt. I'm sorry that this is happening to you. But you should know you're not alone. I see patients everyday that need to wear protection. I know it seems like the end of the world right now, but I promise in the grand scheme of things it's really not that bad."

You nod quietly, afraid to speak for fear of loosing your cool, and crying through your first diaper change as an 'adult'. You knew she was lying. How many diapers did she ever change on a 30 year old man? ZERO. That was your bet.

"Now, I understand this is your first time wearing a brief?"

"Diaper" you thought, lips pursed tightly. She didn't continue. Finally you nodded.

"Right, well, with you being discharged tomorrow I'm going to show you some things ok. I promise I'm a real pro."

With that she unfolded the tightly packed diaper and crumpled it back and forth in her hands, as if to advertise: this is how loud and noticeable the diaper will be.

"We call this floofing. It breaks up the material so it's softer and more absorbent." She explained. "Now," she pulled your hospital sheet off of you and began to pull up your gown.

Reflexively you grabbed her wrist and pushed her hand away.

"Mr... Matt, please. I promise it's nothing I haven't seen. I'm trying to 'be quick' remember?"

You release your grip on the soft smooth skin of her forearm and let your hand fall. Suddenly ashamed and embarrassed at your outburst. 

"I'm sorry." You stammer, stealing yourself for the inevitable. 

"That's ok. I know this must be hard for you." She says pulling up your gown to reveal your sodden yellowed diaper. 

You couldn't help but look down at yourself. The infantile plastic fabric mounded between your legs seemed huge. Worse yet it was stained yellow, with your piss. "When did I do all that?" You thought. For the first time since Sarah had entered a tinge of fear overpowered your humiliation. "Do I really have that little control of myself now? Am I really that broken?"

As if answering your unspoken questions, Sarah continued. "Now, if you're changing lying down, you'll want to place the fresh diap.. brief underneath yourself in case you have a little accident midway through. That way it will all go in the new brief. Can you lift your butt up for me."

This was all too much. You numbly thrust your diapered crotch into the air for the whole world to see. Not least of which this poor beautiful woman beside you, whose face was practically pressed up against it, forced to endure changing the piss soaked rags of the invalid before her.

She daftly slid the unfolded diaper beneath you. "And down. Very good!" She nearly cooed. "Now, we just take the old one off." With each deafening rip of tape your anxiety built to a crescendo. Finally the sodden diaper lay tapeless across your shame. Sarah smiled a fake smile to no one and peeled back the top of the diaper to expose your hairless, piss covered groin to the room. You looked down at yourself, and at her sitting beside you. You felt as though your dick wasn't even yours anymore. Useless now, dribbling pee at random, and hairless, shaved while you were out during surgery. It looked and felt so juvenile. YOU looked and felt so juvenile, you thought. And you to make everything worse you were experiencing your new body for the first time with this beautiful young stranger. You glanced over at her, as if to find some comfort, some understanding, but there was nothing but the same sad, pitiful look on her face.

"Now, your number one concern with incontinence is actually skin care." Sarah said putting on a brave face. "So you want to make sure you clean up thoroughly during every change." She explained pulling wet wipes from their packs. 

You flinched away as she began to wipe you down. 

"Sorry, they're cold." She said smiling at you, and making eye contact for the first time since the change began. 

They were cold, but you weren't sure that was exactly why you flinched. Perhaps it was the obscene humiliation of a complete stranger wiping your own piss off your most intimate area, and a beautiful stranger at that. 

It occurred to you that just a day or two ago, the only interactions you'd have had with a beautiful woman and your dick would have been a fun sexual encounter. This couldn't be any further from a sexual encounter, despite having her gloved hand petting your dick at that very moment. You weren't a sexual partner. You were just a smelly, humiliating burden. 

"Now, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but if I were you, I would continue to remove your pubic hair. I know that may make you feel... a certain way, but trust me, having hair down there makes clean up WAY harder, and it can hold in smell, and you DEFINITELY don't want that. But of course that's totally up to you. That's just my two cents!" She finished cheerily.

Just when you thought your humiliation had peaked, more is piled on. You had assumed your hair removal was part of the procedure. That you could grow it back like the man you are. But no, being clean shaven is just another part of being in diapers.

"Ok! You're all clean! So now you can change into your new brief!" She said with false cheer. "Lift up."

For the final time you thrust your groin into the air, right by this poor woman's face. She pulled the sodden diaper from beneath you, and you lowered yourself onto the fresh diaper. 'Never not in a diaper' you thought. 

"Very good." Sarah said rolling up your used diaper. "You can roll these right up like this and tape them back closed like this." She explained, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to teach someone how to dispose of their used diapers. "Now. Remember how I said skin care is  super important?" You nodded numbly. "This is where you will want to be very meticulous with that. The first thing I like to do is apply the barrier cream. According to your chart you're fully incontinent correct? And the doctor explained what that means?"

"Yes." You mumbled meekly.

"So we expect you'll be passing stool into your diapers as well." She paused, presumably catching herself using the 'd' word, then powered through. "Prolonged exposure to your feces will break down your skin much faster than urine, so you'll want to change yourself as soon as possible. However that's not always possible, so it's highly recommended you apply a barrier cream"

'You'll be passing stool into your diapers' she had said. YOUR diapers. YOU WILL BE SHITTING IN YOUR DIAPERS. This is your reality now. Presumably for the rest of your life.

Sarah squeezed a line of ointment onto her gloved index finger. "This should be about how much you want. Oh! And definitely you'll want to wear gloves. These ointments can be really greasy." She explained.

Without further explanation she reached down and pulled your nutsack back and slid her lubed finger between your cheeks. You could feel her smearing the greasy ointment outward across your butt. 

"Make sure at the very least you cover your bottom, and the back of your scrotum. That's the area most likely to be in contact with feces."

To your absolute horror, you felt your member began to grow at her touch. Pulsating as it filled with blood, despite your state. It was all just too much. Tears again began to fall silently down your cheeks.

"Oh!" Sarah exclaimed despite her attempts at professionalism. She looked back at you and exclaimed again. "Oh, no, no, no. Please don't cry. This is totally natural. I completely understand it's all beyond your control. And hey, this is really really good news for you right. We were uncertain in the procedure would result in importance as well right?"

Your tears continued unabated.

"Hey hey hey!" She continued trying to console you, "this is great news! Your dick still works! Right!" She smiled jokingly, relieving some of the tension in the room.

You smiled despite yourself. Wiping the tears away and nodding. "Thank you." You said.

"Ok, ok we're almost done! Hang in there." She said. "This is just oil. I'll be honest it's J&J baby oil. There's no getting around it, that's just what works as an all a round barrier to protect your skin." She was rushing now. Clearly as eager to get this over with now as you were.

She splashed a few dabs onto your groin where your hair used to be, and started rubbing it in around your now fully erect penis. 

"Just try and cover all of your private area with this AT LEAST once a day. I recommend after your morning diaper change when you're out of the shower. But after every diaper change would be better" She had dropped all pretenses in her hurry to get away from your erection that had become the hairless elephant in the room. 

You noticed with dismay that while Sarah oiled you up, urine trickled from the head of your penis onto your stomach, pooling a bit and rolling down your side into the fresh diaper beneath you. The realization that you truly had NO control dawned on you fully. What good was it being able to have an erection if it was always going to be leaking piss anyway?

"Ooops!" She said cheerfully, wiping the fresh urine off of your stomach. "Ok! Last bit, is the powder!" She said not missing a beat. She explained all of the different types you could purchase as she sprinkled the flagrant powder over your glistening freshly oiled erection and balls. You didn't catch much of what she said. All you could think about was the smell. Baby. It was baby powder. You smell like a baby now. And why shouldn't you? wrapped in your diaper, and covered in your own fluid. It was only fitting you now also SMELL like a baby.

"....use this EVERY TIME you change." She finished. "And that's it! Now we just tape you up."

She pulled the top of your new diaper up and over your penis. Pinning your still erect penis to your tummy.

"And then it's just one, two, three, four." She explained as she taped the fresh diaper in place. "Some people like to tape a different order, but that's what I like." She said, hurriedly pulling your gown back down to cover your new diaper before you had a chance to inspect it.

"Now what I would do," she explained "is stand up and test the fit. That's important if you change yourself laying down."

After such a thoroughly humiliating experience, you felt absolute relief at once again being covered and hidden from her, even if it was just by a thin hospital gown that did little to nothing to hide the outline of the diaper. Slowly you sat up and swung your feet over the side of the bed and stood. You winced painfully at the surprisingly loud crinkles your diaper made along the way. Finally you stood. You were a full head taller than Sarah you noticed. It felt weird standing in front of her like this. So close. Your boner, fully known to both of you, still straining against its new plastic prison. 

"Now how does it feel?" She asked "run your fingers along the leg holes to make sure it's not too tight there. You can always readjust accordingly."

"It feels pretty humiliating." You said half jokingly.

You hoped it would lighten the mood some, but she just looked at you with the same sad pity. 

"You'll get used to it. You'll see. This is your life now, and it's best if you try not to fight it. Okay? You'll be alright. Just a learning curve is all." She smiled and threw your used diaper in the trash by the door, and sorted your supplies back under your bed.

You shifted uncomfortably on your feet, feeling the slick ointment between your cheeks, and the heft of the diaper between your legs. You stopped moving to avoid the obvious crinkles you were producing not wanting to draw attention to it. Dumb you thought, given all that just happened.

Satisfied with her cleaning Sarah stood to leave. "I'll be on shift all night ok? So just press that button there if you need anything. It was nice to meet you Matt. You're going to be ok"

"Thank you Sarah." You said abashedly.

She turned in the door, "and Matt,"

You looked up expectantly from your diaper bulge.

"When your penis settles down, reach in and point it back towards the bottom of your diaper, or you'll leak." She smiled, nodded and was gone.

"Your diaper" you said quietly. You wear diapers now. "And you'd better get used to it."

END OF PART ONE

As part of an AI Art experiment, please feel free to edit the photo used in this caption. If you enjoyed this story and would like to see it continue, please submit your edited photos to me. 

Thank you.

[interstellarsystem]

Endogenic Systems and Experiences in the Neurodivergent Community

We tend to stay mostly on the fringes of syscourse nowadays without directly interacting with it too often but I'm going to post this more broadly and less focused on our specific instance of this because community-wise I think it's important to talk about.

Endogenic and other non-traumagenic systems are so commonly excluded from so many neurodivergent-safe spaces where they would otherwise be able to gain knowledge about the disorders they might have, share experiences and coping strategies with peers, or at least have a sense of community that is so commonly valuable to disabled and/or neurodivergent people. In a lot of cases, even people who only support non-traumagenic systems get shoved out.

[Continued under the readmore as it's long.]

This obviously harms non-traumagenic systems, but I have to point out that when people sit there and say "we care about REAL disabled people!", I have to say.... Do you? Because if you did care about those with mental illness, physical disability or neurodivergence, you in my mind wouldn't exclude them based on something unrelated to the topic itself which might even be something as small as holding an opinion that other people get to be the judge of their own experiences. You can say that you care about "real" disabled people, but what about when a traumagenic DID system also has a tulpa that they consider just as valid and real as their alters? What about when a system labels themselves as quoigenic because in reality, you owe no one the knowledge that you are vulnerable and traumatised? What about when a system starts out as endogenic but gains so much trauma later on that they develop dissociative symptoms?

We're quoigenic because while yes we are diagnosed with DID:

DID does not have trauma in the diagnostic criteria so our diagnosis doesn't mean anything by way of origin. Nontraumagenic is not the same as nondisordered the same way that traumagenic isn't the same as disordered.

We cannot remember a time before we were plural so we cannot say with accuracy what our actual origin was.

We have headmates we consider to be from both traumagenic and endogenic origins and it feels unfair to pick one.

We don't owe anyone a quick little "hey, we have trauma!" flag on our pinned post which can easily paint us as a target. This is the exact reason we don't share our triggers online--it's not safe.

You don't owe anyone personal medical information including your diagnostic history, your trauma history or lack thereof, your current medications or how many times you've been in a hospital. That is your business and yours alone to decide who you share it with. It's downright dangerous to share some of it, especially so publically. So who is anyone online that clearly isn't your specific medical practitioner to decide whether your experiences are real enough to allow you into spaces meant for a usually completely unrelated thing? Why would someone holding the opinion that endogenic systems get to decide what labels they use be denied access to spaces just because they support people with differing beliefs and/or experiences?

If we as a system with multiple disabilities want to go into a space for people who are schizoaffective because we need others who won't immediately jump on the ableism train when discussing something we're diagnosed with that has so much stigma, should we be denied that just because we don't label our origin with a clear-cut "we are traumatized!!" label? Should we be denied access to spaces because we don't want to sit around and smile while parts of our system and other members of our community are called fake and evil and whatever else they come up with? It's so common in spaces for people with disabilities to be exclusive to traumagenic systems and people with an anti-endogenic mindset that people don't realise they're not only hurting the endogenic community, but literal chunks of their own community itself.

I can't even begin to understand the reason why.

Endogenic systems by just existing do not cause harm. They're not like a transphobe you would not be safe around by default of having a label. Not every nontraumagenic system is a saint but if you took any communtiy and called everyone in it the equivalent of an unproblematic holy angel, you'd be lying. People are bad in every community, some worse than others, but the nontraumagenic system community literally just wants to exist--and yes, sometimes a nontraumagenic system (or supporter of such) does have dissociative symptoms, or maybe they have autism, or maybe they're physically disabled. Should they be not allowed access just because of the way they chose to label their system, or their opinion of people picking their own labels for their personal identity?

What exactly is the reason they're so excluded everywhere? I'd try to assume that this level of exclusion (to the point of endos being on DNIs next to transphobes and racists) would mean there's some real harm being done on a community-wide scale, but even when looking for it there isn't any explanation we've been able to find. "They're fake" is all we seem to see which has no actual backing whatsoever. "They're harmful" is another but.. How? We might be looking in the wrong places, but we have never seen an actual explanation for how nontraumagenic systems cause harm as a community just by being themselves.

At this point, I have to wonder how many people who say "we care about real disabled people!" are just covering up their "we care about socially acceptable disabled people who I understand and/or do not find cringey" sentiment instead. Being neurodivergent should never be about fitting into tight little boxes--it's part of the whole point of having a community like this. You're not the majority, and that's okay. So why are we dividing the disabled community into boxes too?

Of course, this doesn't only apply to ND spaces. LGBT+ spaces are similar and even more divided from the concept of being a system that it makes even less sense to block nontraumagenic systems from entering the space. How does their system origin relate to their LGBT+ identity? Sometimes it can, but should a trans person be excluded from a trans space because they have a friend who is an endogenic system and they support them fully?

Overall, the main point is that it makes no sense whatsoever to be anti-endo in general, let alone so violently anti-endogenic system to the point where you hurt members of your own community due to it. Sometimes from something as simple as them supporting endogenics alone. Your safe spaces aren't actually safe if you exclude a nonharmful group who also belong in that space due to having a personal identity or opinion different to yours. If you want somewhere to be a safe, inclusive space, it should include everyone as long as letting those people in won't cause harm. People who are seeking to cause harm (racists, transphobes, etc) obviously do not belong in a safe space because they seek to harm others, thus making the space unsafe. But people who just want to be themselves without harming anyone should be included in your space if they fall under whatever it may be topic-wise. Even the "cringey" ones. Even the ones who don't quite make sense to you or have "contradicting" labels. Even the ones who use labels completely differently to the way you do. And even the ones who are uninformed or misinformed but trying their best to learn. Your safe space is not safe if it excludes those who do not follow your every single mindset and thought without any deviation.

[glitter-stained]

On Duke Thomas and the problem with the ASPD diagnosis

There are many many messed up things with the way personality disorders are classified in the dsm-5, but I think what best illustrates how fucked up the ASPD diagnostic criteria are is that Duke Thomas (yes, Duke Thomas, the Signal) could definitely get diagnosed with ASPD.

FYI, ASPD means Antisocial Personality Disorder, this is the clinical entity usually referenced when we talk about psychopathy or sociopathy. So how does that fit Duke? (It doesn't. And yet...)

First is the question of why should we diagnose Duke, a teenager whose personality is still in construction, with a personality disorder? Well, while you only get diagnosed at 18 (criteria B), your "transgressions" occur since age 15, which means Duke's behaviour in We are Robin (when he was a traumatized homeless teenager in a hellscape of a city)can 100% be used to spring a diagnosis on him at 18. Criteria D is just excluding schizophrenia and bipolar episodes. Now let's take a look at criteria A: at least three manifestations from this list of signs that someone is "disregarding and transgressing other people's rights" :

1. Repeated liable to arrest behaviours

So, like when Duke got arrested for being part of We Are Robin, then escaped arrest and did it again and again?

2. tendency to lie for either profit or pleasure: repeated lies, use of pseudonyms or scamming.

Funnily enough, I don't think Duke had a pseudo in WAR aside from Robin ofc (feel free to correct me if I misremember) but Isabella and the others sure did! Still, when Duke gets arrested, he lies and insists he isn't part of the WAR and hasn't done anything illegal, which fits the criteria as "lying for personal profit". (If you're feeling full of righteous rage reading this it's normal, I'm trying to prove a point.)

3. Impulsivity OR inability to plan ahead.

Duke is definitely able to plan ahead, but I know very few clinicians who, upon hearing how this mf jumped off a bridge to escape a moving police car, wouldn't write down "impulsivity"... And it's not like it's his only similar offence. I'm not saying he is impulsive, but that behaviour is definitely enough to get him classified as one in the eye of a clinician, especially if they're meeting him after an arrest and hearing from that episode second-handedly.

4. Repeated fights and aggressions.

Do I need to develop why this would fit Duke?

5. Inconsiderate disregard for his safety OR other people's safety

If you thought I was being unfair about the impulsivity for jumping from a bridge, you can't tell me this doesn't fit here. Again, far from the sole iteration of it from Duke in WAR, but one of the most memorable.

6. Persistent irresponsibility: this one is all about pathologizing and shaming financial and employment struggles, which is its own nest of issues but doesn't concern our boy Duke since he isn't an adult.

7. justification/indifference after harming, stealing or mistreating someone (lack of remorse).

The question here is, does street vigilant violence count as harming someone? I'm gonna go with yes, because there is no question of whether it is justified, and attempting to defend oneself is here considered a sign of a lack of remorse. (Whether or not you count it doesn't matter so much though, because we're already over three hard yesses.)

So, to recap, whether or not we count criteria 7 and 3, Duke already fits the bill of 3 criteria, and thus fits criteria A.

The last criteria to examine, criteria C, is :

"manifestations of a conduct disorder before 15". So you're going backwards in time investigating the person's past actions to see if they fit the criteria having, most of the time, only data like police records, grade reports, foster care interviews sometimes, on top of your own retroactive bias. To quote Duke's bio "during his time in foster care, Duke went from an upstanding student to becoming a bit of a delinquent, receiving poor grades and racking up an extensive police record due to his investigations into his parents." I'm not gonna go through the whole list of conduct disorder symptoms because there is so many, just know the cutoff is 3. For Duke, we can identify: "picks up fights", "stays up late at night despite interdiction from his guardians (before 13 -when was Duke first placed?), "often skips school" (again, before 13), "has run away and spent the night outside at least twice or once but didn't come home for a long time", "has b&e into someone's house/car/building" (i'm pretty sure that happened at some point? An abandoned building that legally belongs to someone else counts btw), "lies often to avoid obligations". I might have missed some from Duke's time in foster care so feel free to point out any sign of conduct disorder I didn't spot!!

In conclusion, Duke fits the criteria for ASPD and would have been, in universe, liable to be diagnosed as soon as he turned 18 (which could very well had happened if he had stayed in the system or gotten arrested). So, is the conclusion that Duke Thomas actually has ASPD? Obviously not. The point is the dsm criteria for ASPD (and conduct disorder) are so fucked up that fictional superheroes who definitely don't have it meets them on a technicality. Even if we accept ASPD as a valid clinical entity (which is highly debatable) this wording is so wrong I can't wrap my head around this.

Another point you might have noticed is that post-crisis Jason Todd (Jaybin, not the Red Hood) would also have been a very valid test to highlight how problematic these criteria are. While little Jason is at risk because there is also a huge classism problem in these criteria (which don't do shit to acknowledge necessity theft and actively shame financial insecurity), Duke is at risk because studies have highlighted the racist bias in these criteria: regardless of clinical intent, the awful, unclear wording of these criteria have led to a huge race difference in ASPD diagnosis. Add to that the foster care to prison pipeline, a story where Duke had been diagnosed with ASPD would have been all too realistic (assuming dc writers know about aspd).

All these critiques are acknowledged in the DSM-5: Revised Text version, where researchers warn against the bias and unclear wording of these criteria. But let's be honest: clinicians barely ever read the diagnostic characteristics of the original DSM-5, let alone the revised text (generally because 1. They're overworked and 2. To interview properly, you need to ask questions based on the criteria while talking to the person, which is super hard and means you need clear, defined, easy to memorize criteria). So most of the time, clinicians just base themselves on the diagnostic criteria. Just saying "hey careful about bias these criterias aren't that well written" in the revised text isn't enough : if ASPD is going to stay an entity at all, it needs better criteria.

The ASPD criteria are amongst the worst failures of the DSM-5, and the case of Duke Thomas perfectly illustrates the pitfall in which we might fall if we don't remain critical of classifications and take into account how they fit within a social and political sytem.

*This post simplifies listed criteria to what clinicians actually use while diagnosing for clarity's sake, but doubting your sources is smart, so feel free to check out the detailed criteria to check I'm not misinterpreting what the dsm says by simplifying it since the DSM-5 is available online for free, search key for ASPD is F60.2 and for conduct disorder is F63.81.

[sysmedsaresexist]

Terms, from a syscourse perspective

A very long ramble

We're taking this to a new post, starting fresh, and going more in depth. The original post is off course and confusing, and I've seen a few tags confused by the uptick in polls, so this is for them as well.

SO

We're not talking about which is liked by more people, we're talking about which term hurts people less. We're talking about people who are genuinely offended by the term plural because of the history that many prefer to deny happened.

Welcome outside of your bubble.

There is a very nasty history behind all these terms, and the type of people who identify with them.

Some plural systems, to this very day, proudly use the term empowered, despite the fact that empowered multiples were a literal DID hate group. Like an actual organized one, with multiple websites and political activism. Many still deny the trauma basis of DID.

It was the fight for the word "multiple" that sparked plural, an anti psych alternative, focused on personhood and autonomy of their system in a community that largely boycotted the diagnosis and treatment of MPD/DID at that time. There were groups that demonized anyone who identified with the DID label. There were sites about what failures we were as systems.

Endogenic isn't just the alternative for natural multiples, but empowered ones, too. Plural is far more synonymous with endogenic than CDD.

"System" is the current hot topic. Endogenic systems don't have a right to the word, they're not "real systems," just like vickies wrote about the fight over "real multiples".

Some plurals are scared to use system

History repeating itself, over and over.

And all of these words hurt.

I think we should encourage the use of system for endogenic systems, but that's just me. That is a positive step toward an inclusive word that everyone is happy with. I'm finding that I have a lot more words for my disordered experience that system isn't really something I feel a claim over. If you call me plural, knowing I have DID, you're going to hurt me.

Looks like many are back to liking multiple again, so we can look forward to round two.

But which words hurt the most people?

We are discussing two words specifically.

Plural

and

System

We're not talking about alternatives, the conversation was, "plural is safer than system as a blanket term, less people identify with system, plurality is something we all share," and I said, "no, system is safer than plural as a blanket term, plural is seen as offensive to many CDD systems, the priority of my blog. The vast majority do NOT relate to being plural or plurality, system is what more people relate to and are less bothered by."

The why is because of history and genuine offense, whether you like it or not.

You say that no one complains, but if you had said this the other way around, "systemhood is something we all share," would anyone have been like, "uhm, ackshually, if you call me a system I'm going to cry." What would those polls have looked like? We get a glimpse in the polls now.

So what are the numbers? It's still early, but there's really only two parts of the poll that really matter. Everyone wants more options, but I'm really only talking about the options for uncomfortable.

Plural vs system.

"Not medical" vs "medical"

Pro endo vs anti endo

Words are the root of syscourse, are they not? How many antis say, "if endos just didn't call themselves systems"?

Based on the numbers, system is the safer term to hurt fewer people. Endogenic systems mind system less than CDD systems mind plural. The complaints you're going to get would be more along the lines of, "endos aren't systems," rather than, "hey, careful, that can be offensive."

Are we finally saying the fight over "system" is over and antis won, plural is better now? Well, then, I don't know that lumping anti endos under plural is going to help the syscourse divide at all. Remember a couple months ago when antis forgot that they didn't invent plural? The big war over pluralpunk? And how much everyone tried to correct them that plural didn't belong to CDDs? Because it IS so synonymous with endogenic systems?

Start at the top of the post, reread, the fight starts again. Don't put antis, mostly CDD systems angry at endogenics, under the plural umbrella. I know we're not prioritizing their comfort, but it doesn't just hurt antis, but pro endo CDD systems, too. Our history is important.

And going to be honest, my memory is not that great. I'm going to forget my friend's preferred terms and I'm going to offend people. I would rather offend them with system. Less chance, less hurt. System is the most popular, across the board. I believe it's lost its synonymity with CDD.

I would REALLY love to hear opinions on this from all sides.

[gayaest]

Hey! I've been loving your art for too long, I think what you're doing for the disabled community it's lovely, it's awesome, I'm so sorry that there are people giving you hate comments, keep doing what you do, keep including people, maybe I don't necessarily have the same diagnosis as your characters, as I have Tourette's and Autism only in regards of that, but... I think I can talk for many of us, that your art makes us really happy, I love seeing people go like ''Omg, this character is just like me!'' it makes my heart warm, thank you, for everything, seriously, I love representation, and you've done an amazing job on it.

Disabled people exist, we're everywhere, even if people don't notice it sometimes, even if people do realize sometimes and don't care, we are people, we are your friends, family, partners, we are everywhere, and we have the right to exist. <3

Thank you, It’s really nice and sweet to hear that. Sometimes it feels like I get consumed by hate comments, because due to the nature of what I post it is seen as “controversial” inherently, for being disabled people, or fat people, or people or color. It’s not fair, but that’s exactly what life is for me and people like me (my followers).

It’s okay not to share my diagnosis, I don’t expect it! (Though, I am autistic as well!) The disabled community is not a monolith, and that’s how I’ve gotten my art to the point it’s at! By listening to stories that aren’t my own.

Connection is key to community, and so is Listening. I always do my best with both (even if it means asking for repeats and research on my own when asked). It takes a lot of hard work, and my life is often consumed by researching disorders and understanding disabilities, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, because it has made me a understanding attentive person that tries to make everyone feel included somehow.

Thank you again, this is so sweet to hear. I appreciate it very much.

[misscammiedawn]

You may have discussed it before, but would you mind speaking a little bit on how you discovered you have DID?

I feel like I have a pretty stable core identity but there have been times under intense stress where I’ve experienced sudden “switches” in my personality. During a particularly bad period for a little over a year there was a time where I distinctly felt like a different person and did things I wouldn’t normally do, and I remember the specific moment where I came back into my body and became “me” again. This doesn’t happen often, but it has happened more than once throughout my life. When I see people talk about plurality I feel a little confused because their identities often seem to have their own names and genders and ages and backstories, and it seems so cut-and-dry.

I know these are all things to discuss with my therapist but I love how you talk about your own experiences. How can you differentiate between DID and other kinds of dissociation?

Thank you for asking, anon! I'm glad you are going to talk to your therapist about it while also doing the reading and reaching out-- heaven knows our own journey within the US mental healthcare system was rocky at best. The latest chapter of Madison/Belladonna is heavily sourced from IRL circumstances both in receiving the diagnosis and the decades long journey in the mental healthcare system to get there.

But to answer more directly-- (as always we are answering from a psychopathology lens for care and treatment, we recognize the beauty of plurality and do not reduce ALL experiences to mental healthcare concerns, we are approaching our own situation and experiences this way as it is how we lived it)

Our journey was guided from the outside. Both therapists and our partner who was able to see these "mood swings" in us were able to gently guide us to water despite our fierce denial and rejection of our situation. What started as "we're fine" turned to "mood swings" turned to "BPD" turned to "---maybe we should read up on OSDD?" Turned to our current therapist telling us over a year ago that we had DID after months of testing and interviewing to determine.

I should also note I likely realized it MULTIPLE times in my history and buried it again and again. I legitimately think that people in my former life knew and either assumed I knew too or worse I had told them and forgot that I told them. It worries me because I cannot ever be certain. I once asked my ex-wife about it after the divorce/diagnosis and she did say it was weird how she had a "different husband" depending on environment and social group. She said she never noticed it during the interactions, but she would always think back and feel that the "me" in any given moment was different from the ones she observed in social/work situations etc.

So like--- even if people notice, sometimes they don't even realize what they're seeing. Honestly I go full No Mask at work even when a male part fronts and no one really bats an eye. I don't think *most* people are as observant as we worry they are.

ANYWAY! Looking back these are the signs that I ignored:

- I not just wrote a consistent journal through every phase of my life (even going as far as to have a "memory list" that I populated "when I felt like it" (<- IE: when a part that associated with the memory was fronting and wanted to type about it) and more importantly I READ it. Often. I sometimes think that the majority of our memories are just imagined versions of what we wrote. That notion is helped by the fact we [used to] stop journaling during times of crisis or delete journal/chat log to prevent us thinking about distressing things.

- I wrote a lot of plural characters in my stories since my teenage years. Kinda like I kept writing female versions of myself? Funny how the Trans and DID acceptance arcs are so dang similar.

- I would emotionally cave in on myself after gatherings, berating myself for how I had acted all evening. Getting deeply upset at how "out of control" I was. We outright AVOID mood altering substances like alcohol or weed.

- When talking about traumatic memories we typically just tell the story rote. It doesn't bother us. We told therapists without batting an eyelid. This is dissociation. We were disconnecting ourselves from our memories. Emotionally distancing ourselves from the experiences.

- In the same vein, when we remember things we imagine things in locations like a 3rd person camera. Not populated. We don't hear or feel or associate. It's just a place and a knowledge. Our whole "context packet" thing where we just understand something without *feeling* it.

- Deleted emails and chatlogs, references to things we don't remember. Discord messages with people we don't remember talking to. It bothers me how many people in our online communities we were actually close to at some stage of our life and then erased. This is specific to us but Dawn has opened many accounts in the hypnokink community and Camden has shut them down and this has happened so many times that we don't even get upset when we find a buried email from 2013 with sign-up to a Yahoo Email account we don't remember having. That sounds dramatic. It's more just. Go into your emails, pull stuff up from 5-10 years ago and just scroll a while. See how much you remember and associate into. It's NORMAL to forget what websites you were browsing a decade ago. It's not normal to have an entire *LIFE* you hid from yourself.

- Sometimes people just... saw/knew us before we did and there were times when they would describe a version of us they weren't supposed to see and we got complete dysphoria over it. Sometimes it as joyful. Someone we love saw Cammie well enough to say when we transitioned that they wanted to see that "windswept girl with the big smile" all of the time. Sometimes it's mortifying, like when someone approaches Camden as if she is Dawn and Camden REJECTED that side of us so heavily that it caused emotional meltdowns and turmoil because Camden didn't WANT to be a sexy confident domme, she could barely see herself as a woman, when people saw the wrong version of us *without permission* it was just a violation that made things WORSE.

- On that note-- meltdowns-- we mentioned the whole "after a social gathering we'd emotionally cave in on ourselves" thing, there was a lot of that. After work we'd get a complete drop from having to be in Manager Mode all day or we'd have a crisis after erotic intimacy encounters because we're sex repulsed ace. The fact is our nervous system was activated during those times, our survival instincts were kicked in and brought the part associated to the surface to DEAL and when they backed off our body was still reacting to the trauma trigger and it would cause us to implode.

All of these things in therapy brought us to the conclusion of BPD. Because therapists be like that at times. A *TRAUMA* therapist gave us some DES-II, MID and ACE tests and worked out what was going on within 3 months.

It took a further 6-9 months with constant support from loved ones who were able to see us as individuals to *ACCEPT* it. This is a denial disorder, it doesn't want to be found. Asking questions, being honest and being accepting is the best way to come to terms with it. I wish it were easier and I wish you luck and support in your journey. Our inbox is always open!

You're not alone <3

[jays-bonnie-on-the-side]

𝐋𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐀 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐤 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏

PAIRING : dean winchester x original female character

STORY SUMMARY : in series masterlist

CHAPTER WARNINGS : age-gap. pining. fluff. angry dean. injured sam.

A/N: check out the teaser and prologue if you haven't already. this chapter is more filler but every story has to start off somewhere, and this one starts at the beginning of season 9. here we go!

Maricela's POV

I nearly dropped my phone at Dean's words. "It's Sam... He's in the hospital."

"What?! Is he okay? What happened?" I pour out my questions in panic.

"He's not doing so good," Dean's voice faintly but audibly cracks. "They're running tests now."

"Where are you?" I jump in my car, ready to have the open road fly underneath my wheels.

"No, Mari, you don't need to come—" He begins, but I quickly reject his effort to be left alone.

"I'm coming whether you like it or not, so you can either tell me now or there's gonna be hell to pay after I track you down."

"You're stubborn, you know that?" He asks rhetorically before caving in. "We're at Linwood Memorial Hospital in Randolph, New York. I'll tell you more when you get here."

"Okay. I'll take a plane out there," I put the pedal to the metal, making my tires squeal as I drove off. "Be there as soon as I can."

"Be careful," Dean mutters.

I can't help but smile at his concern. "Always am."

Dean texted me the room number just shortly after I landed. Once I arrived at the hospital, I raced to the room where the Winchester brothers resided. I stop in front of the open doorway to see Dean, back facing me, sitting beside Sam's unconscious body that lay hooked up to various machines.

Dean peeked over his shoulder, and as soon as our eyes met, he stood from the chair. After shutting the door behind me, I walk into the arms of the older Winchester. I hold on to his jacket like my life depended on it, never wanting to let go. My eyes shut to prevent the tears from spilling as he pulls my body closer. His warmth envelops me with comfort as I nuzzle into his chest. A sigh of relief escapes my lungs, feeling safe for the first time in months.

My serenity gets interrupted when his lips suddenly press against the top of my head. I gaze upwards, stunned at the tiny gesture, only to see how close our faces are. With his large, calloused hand, he gently brushed the hair that concealed my face away. His fingers lightly comb through my hair, triggering a brain orgasm and rendering me useless beneath his touch. I get so lost in his eyes that I barely hear his whisper.

"It's good to see you, Mari."

"You too, Dean," I respond as his hand travels to my neck. His thumb softly strokes my throat. "I've missed you."

He blesses me with a slow, small smile. "I've missed you more, princess."

With his rare affection and added pet name, I'm thankful his arm's secured around my waist, or I would've toppled over already. With detestation, I use every ounce of willpower to pull away from his embrace. With a pained heart, I move around Dean and see my best friend lying unconscious. The monitor announces his steady heartbeat while I take his left hand into mine and use my thumb to caress the back of his palm. Leaning over him, I place a kiss against his stubbled cheek, ignoring the short hairs prickling my chin. Without letting go of his hand, I sit on the edge of his bed.

"Did they tell you a diagnosis yet?" I ask, studying Sam's face.

Dark shadows cast around his eyes while a horizontal cut ran across his right cheekbone. He looked as though the life had been drained from his body.

"No, not yet." Dean settles into the chair he had been sitting in before.

I shift my gaze towards him. "What happened? I thought once he finished the trials, he was going to get better."

He shakes his head. "We were wrong." After quickly glancing at the ground, he meets my eyes again.

"Cas and I... We were retrieving a cupid's bow for the second trial to restore Heaven while Sam prepped Crowley for the final trial to shut the gates of Hell. Metatron and Cas had already killed a Nephilim for the first trial, so I called Kevin for the third. He said he found the angel trials in the tablet, but they weren't anything like Metatron had told. Then, Naomi shows up, saying he's been lying. He wasn't trying to fix Heaven—he was trying to destroy it. Cast all angels to earth as revenge for driving him away.

"Then she—she said if Sam completed the trials, he would die. 'The Ultimate Sacrifice.' Castiel took me to Sam before going upstairs to straighten it out. I had walked into the church just before he cured the evil son of a bitch. 'Told Sam the truth, that if he continued, he'd die. But you know Sammy, he didn't care. He wanted to end it, ban the world of demons. Hell, I don't blame him... but when he confessed that his greatest sin was constantly letting me down—thinking I would choose—"

His voice cuts abruptly, attempting to swallow the tears that formed away. His expression tightens, forcing all the muscles in his face to keep its composure as he refuses to give in to his emotions. Seeing him in this rare form tugged at my heart. I let go of Sam and quickly kneel in front of Dean, pulling his body into mine.

"Hey, hey. It's okay." I assure him, rubbing circles on his back. His breathing becomes shallow as I hug his stiff body. "He doesn't think that."

He grabs my arms before pushing himself out of my hold. "But he does. He would've rather die than have to face me for the rest of his life, thinking that he wasn't enough. That I can't trust him, that I would choose anyone or anything, past or present, over him."

Dean shakes his head at the foolish thoughts his brother had believed. "Luckily, I talked him off the edge. We thought the power from the trials had vanished from his body, along with his will to end them. But instead, he hurled over in pain, collapsing to the ground. I practically dragged him to the car while calling out to Cas, but he didn't answer. And that's when it happened; Angels began falling from the sky."

Worried, I inquire, "Have you been able to get a hold of Castiel?" He shook his head, his frustration evident due to our angel friend's silence.

Just then, a knock sounded at the door. Immediately, I stand and add distance between us. I walk to the opposite side of the bed just as the doctor enters the room. He introduces himself while displaying Sam's MRI scans against the X-ray Illuminator. Dean walks over and examines the scans while the doctor finally reads the diagnosis listed on his clipboard.

"The MRI shows massive internal burns affecting many of the major organs. Oxygen to the brain has been severely deprived." Dean uncrosses his arms as he begins to make his way towards me. "The coma is the result of the body doing everything in its limited power to protect itself from further harm."

He walks around me and stands on my left, closest to Sam. He stares at his brother before breathing out, "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"If your brother continues on this trajectory, the machines might keep him alive, but—"

Dean interrupts, "He'll be dead."

The doctor nods. "Technically, yes. I'm afraid so."

"So, there's—there's no recovery? I mean, there's no bounce back. There's no nothing."

"I'm afraid that's in God's hands now." I look up at Dean and watch his head tilt ever so slightly, taken aback by the doctor's remark.

"You're a doctor. You're a medical professional." Oh boy, here we go. "You're trying to tell me that my brother's life is in God's hands? What, is that supposed to be a-a comfort?" Dean questions.

My left arm curls around his bicep while my right hand rests on his forearm for support, a reminder that I was with him in this. When he doesn't seem to have noticed, I gently whisper, "Dean," moving my right hand in his own, wishing to be a calming presence in this nightmare.

"Mr. Dougherty—" the doctor tries speaking, but Dean ignores us both.

"No, God has nothing to do with this equation at all," He shakes with anger as each word becomes louder than the next.

"I didn't mean—" the physician tries again, with no luck. If he only knew the real reason behind Dean's anger.

"That's not good enough!" He shouts, no doubt striking fear into Sam's doctor.

"Hey," I tug on him, forcing Dean to tear his attention away from the man and stare at me. "Why don't we go take a breather?"

His dark eyes search my pleading ones before offering a tiny, unamused nod. I lead him around the bed towards the hallway, thanking the doctor on the way out. Once we were out of the room, I let him go. Dean's face instantly changes from anger to fear as the news sinks in. Just like Sam would, I step up to reassure the older Winchester.

"We'll figure something out, okay? We always do. Everything will be fine—" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Stop. Not now. I just—I need time to think." He tiredly states before turning away. He stares into the distance, something catching his eye. I follow his gaze and see the sign that caught his attention; 'Chapel.'

"Do you want me to go with you?" I ask softly but get a head shake.

"Just stay with Sam. I'll be back." With that, he heads toward the hospital's safe haven.

I walked back into the room, quietly shutting the door behind the doctor so it was just us two. Planting myself in the chair beside Sam's bed, my eyes grow hot, tears welling up far quicker now that I was alone. With Dean gone, I allow the tears to tumble down my cheek, unbothered to wipe the sorrow away. Hot tears splatter against my jeans while a few run past my chin, finding refuge beneath my shirt. My throat painfully fights the words I force out.

"Please, Sam, stay with us. We'll do whatever we can, but we need you to fight. Please."

I sat up straight, my head no longer resting beside Sam's hand, once I heard the door open. Looking over my shoulder, Dean closes it before making his way around the other side of the bed. I quickly wiped my tear-stained cheeks dry before he could notice.

"I figured out a way to help Sammy." He says, leaning against the cabinets.

I immediately perk up. "What—How?"

"When I was in the chapel, I prayed to Castiel. When I realized he wasn't going to answer, I..." He trails off.

"You what?" I ask warily.

"I decided to make a house call to any angel out there who's willing to help Sam for a favor in return." I tilt my head with dismay, knowing it wasn't the smartest idea but a desperate one. "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but that doesn't matter now. Sammy needs healing."

"Do you honestly think someone will show up to help? It hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows, so what makes this time any different? They want us dead, Dean. And you just put an A.P.B out on our heads. We can't even move Sam! We're literally sitting ducks." I could tell he didn't like my input, but it didn't matter. It needed to be said.

"Well, if anyone tries something other than fixing my brother, I'll take care of it." He answers.

"We." I correct. "We'll take care of it."

We lock eyes, and he nods in agreement. Now, to wait and see if any angel will show.

After a while, silence fell between us, and hope diminished with each passing minute. Dean was leaning against the ash wood cabinets, lost in thought, when the door softly opened. An unfamiliar lady walks in, offering a small smile. Dean uncrosses his arms before pushing himself off the counter. He walked near Sam's bed as I stood from my chair, turning to face her.

"Hi," he says eagerly. "I'm just gonna break the ice. Are you an angel?"

She nervously chuckles at his remark. "Sometimes I wish I were. My name is Kim Schortz, and I'm a grief counselor here at the hospital."

"Right. Uh, uh..." He gazes downward in disappointment as he struggles to find an excuse for his direct question. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired."

She flashes him an understanding smile.

"Well, all due respect, but, uh, I'm not grieving—not yet at least, so—" I hear the sadness in his lowered voice, wondering why no angel has come to help.

"I'm afraid as hard as this may be, this might be a good time to talk..." She looks past me and down at Sam before finishing. "About the inevitable."

"Look, I'm sure you're a nice person and that you mean well, but 'inevitable'—that's a fighting word where we come from. There's always a way." I interject.

"And I am a prayerful woman who believes in miracles as much as the next, but I also know how to read an E.E.G. And unless you're telling me you guys have a direct line to those angels that you were looking for—"

"Yeah, no, I uh... guess we don't." Dean interrupts, anguish taking over his features before the realization dawns on him. "But I might have something better."

He chuckles before the first genuine smile displays on his exhausted face. "I got the King of Hell in my trunk."

My eyes widen. "Crowley?" I ask in shock that he hadn't mentioned it before.

He happily strides out of the room. A surge of excitement courses through my body, knowing there could still be a chance, other than angels, to heal Sam.

"Uh, is—is that... I'm sorry. Is that a metaphor?" The confused counselor inquires.

"Sure, sweetie." I pat her shoulder and begin guiding the woman towards the hall.

"We appreciate you stopping by. Please, don't come back. It'd be a shame to waste more of each other's time. Thanks for understanding." I say in the most polite way—given the situation—before closing the door behind her.

I skip over to Sam and pet his hair, smiling at his beautiful, still face. "Don't worry, Sammy. You'll be back soon enough."

DEAN WINCHESTER MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST | JOIN THE TAG LIST

LEFT A MARK TAGS : @k-slla @angelbabyyy99 @yvonneeeee @ladysparkles78

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO JAYS-BONNIE-ON-THE-SIDE

: do not steal, plagiarize, translate, and/or republish any of my works* on here or another platform

*beside my writing, my works include : all banners, headers, dividers, and gifs that i use (which were made by me,) unless otherwise stated.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Hi, What do you think about the cheating rumors? I stopped watching royals 4 years ago, and I am shocked! What has happened? WTF is Rose back? Is Will stupid enough to get rid of her?

What happened recently? So much happened, anon. Let's see if I can give you the TL;DR.

January 16: Kensington Palace announced that Kate was having planned surgery on her abdomen and wouldn't be making any public appearances or sharing further details.

January 29: Kensington Palace announced that Kate had returned home from the hospital. People were upset there was no "proof of life" photo of Kate.

February 9: The Waleses go to Sandringham/Anmer Hall for the kids' half-term break. There are two sets of gossip from royal reporters. Gossip #1 - Kate is well and healthy and with the family. Gossip #2 - Kate's situation is worse than we're told and it's dire.

February 27, in the morning: William pulls out of attending King Constantine's memorial service of thanksgiving. KP says it has nothing to do with Kate but it's later confirmed that it wasn't true, that William pulled out because of Kate's diagnosis.

February 27, in the evening: Sussex Squad makes conspiracy theories about Kate go mainstream and viral on Twitter/social media. I won't rehash them all here but the rumors get dark and blame William and bring back the original Rose affair rumors.

March 4: Kate and Carole papped in a car around Windsor near the kids' school. Kate doesn't look like Kate, jumpstarting conspiracy theories again.

March 10: UK Mother's Day. The Waleses publish a photo of Kate and the kids taken by William. Sussex Squad goes after the photo for having been edited. Getty, and other agencies, kill the photo. It blows up into a huge thing. Celebrities pile on with their own jokes and memes about editing their photos, including Blake Lively and Kim Kardashian.

March 11: Kate issues a statement taking responsibility for editing the photo and apologizing for it. William and Kate are papped in a car leaving Windsor Castle.

March 12: Stephen Colbert jokes about the Rose affair rumor on his show.

March 16: Kate is papped with William at the grocery store. People claim it's her lookalike double because her hair is too hair and she's too skinny. (WTF, yes, I agree.)

March 22: Kensington Palace drops bombshell video statement by Kate that cancer had been found in whatever was removed during her operation in January and she was beginning a course of preventative chemotherapy. No further work or public engagements for Kate at this time. The celebrities that piled onto Kate during "March Madness" (the conspiracy theories and photo-editing weeks) get served humble pie and issue meek apologies that mean nothing.

April 23: Louis's birthday. As a consequence of the way the media flipped out over the Mother's Day photo, the Waleses publish the birthday photo (taken by Kate) exclusively to their social media and don't distribute it to media / photo agencies.

April 29: The Waleses publish an old new-to-us photo from their wedding for their anniversary on their social media.

May 2: Charlotte's birthday. Same deal with Louis - Kate takes the photo, they publish exclusively to their social media and don't distribute it in advance to the photo agencies / media.

May 12: Camilla is papped at the Badminton Horse Show talking to Rose Hanbury. No one cares.

May 14: Sussex Squad finds the photos of Camilla and Rose from the weekend and bring back the affair rumors. They claim that Kate is dead and the BRF is soft-launching William's mistress as his new girlfriend/future wife.

May 15: Charles and Camilla attend the OBE dedication at St. Paul's Cathedral. So do the Cholmondeleys but because they're not photographed with Charles or Camilla, no one notices they're there and no one cares they're there.

So that's what happened. That's where we are today.

How did the affair rumors start?

Discussion about whether the affair rumors are mainstream and how damaging they could be to William and Kate's reputation

Commentary about Rose

[7nessasaryevils]

Ahhh my favourite day of the week! I wanted to watch earlier but today's been so hectic so this is a very late screaming crying throwing up review of Wandee Goodday! Let us begin!

- oh lovely... pain right out the fucking gate why won't you assholes let me breathe???? Poor Cher having to watch the men he loves fight 😭😭

- ohhhh that Cher Yei hug... (gwenchana count 1)

- both yak and yei breaking down in the arms of the men they love most... fucking hell we haven't even gotten to the opening credits! (Also Cher and Dee just silently comforting their boys... gods I'm soft 🥹🥺)

- Dee taking care of yak by physically comforting him and then making sure he eats is just so goddamn sweet... fucking asshole

- Dee pouting because yak says he loves granmama is so boyfriend coded im smacking my head against a wall

- oh wow this is a yei-pain centric episode and we are really putting my son through the wringer

- Cher and Dee becoming the in-laws we needed ♥️♥️

- fuck the simple domesticity of you and your partner working in silence each doing your own thing ♥️♥️♥️

- Dee verbally reinforcing his belief in yak (gwenchana count 2)

- ZAZAKI NY BABIE HI!!!

- oh gods I love him immediately asking why yak isn't doing the fight

- real talk: I get why Yei is so mad at his father... to be that young and lose your mom and then be told by the only other adult in your life that you are now responsible for your little brother, a business, and a legacy is a lot. The resentment he has against his dad is understandable and so is Yak's forgiveness for him. While Yei decided he didn't need his father anymore, Yak decided to stay connected to the only other parent he does have because in that way he's still connected to his mom. My babies have been through it 🥺

- oh look the in-laws are all meeting!

- while I love that we're showing off Dr. Dee... AUTOMATIC DISCREDITING SIR!!! How in the fuck is that doctor telling you - a nonmember of the family- about papa phadetseuk's diagnosis??

- HOWLING 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 are you two cursed to be stuck with my sons is such a sad thing to say I love it!!!

- Cher really said "I'm sick and tired of you idiots fighting I'm telling your dad!" 🤣🤣🤣

- yei's heartbroken face... oh gods why do these brothers always look so good when they're devastated?!?

- I'm so fucking fine look how goddamn utterly fine I am so so wonderfully fine (sobs in the corner)

- I love that we address how grief can break people in the worst way and that both papa Phadetseuk and Yei are taking accountability for the past few years

- this episode really was out to hurt and yet heal my little boxer family and I love it!

- awww cute yei and Cher scenes!

- WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD FUCK ME (fuck Cher actually) HOLY SHIT

- FAMILY KARAOKE!!!

- ohhh... here we go dee backstory time!! (Tiny Dee is precious and I am going to steal him my goodness)

- granmama and yak being besties is exactly what I needed in my life ♥️

- SAY THE DAMN WORDS WANDEE!!! Although finally understanding that you love yak is fucking great!!

And for next week!

Out fashionable grim reaper is back, my son gets hurt, and we have actual clowns!! Perhaps a little less pain than this week ♥️

The exhaustion has set in so I bid you all adieu!!

[anths-girl]

So...I haven't had to do this in YEARS (was hoping I'd never HAVE to, again, either...), but...here I am, BEGGING.

I know basically EVERYONE is struggling financially, these days. The world is a complicated, shitty place, and we're all in some kind of trouble. However, I am in VERY DESPERATE trouble. Or rather, my family is.

My mother (76), has been severely ill for months. The last few weeks it has gotten very, VERY bad. She can't eat at ALL. Some days she can barely take a drink of water, without getting sick. We live in South-Africa, and we are dependent on social grants - social welfare, basically. As such, we are also dependant on public health care.

Now, to try and describe the state of said public health care...well, let me just say, there aren't enough trigger warnings in the GALAXY, for that. To compare it to mid evil torture, would be being kind. And I'm saying this as someone who has LIVED it, witnessed it, several times. Most people choose to rather just go without medical help, and die at home, rather than go to any of these "facilities."

BUT... I'm not ready to let my mom die at home. I'm not ready to let her go. So, we bit the bullet, and went to a private hospital. The thing is, we have no idea how long we can stay here, because I am draining what very little savings I have as we speak, just having gotten her here in the first place. And we aren't even close to any kind of diagnosis or anything, yet. We might not be able to afford any actual testing she needs to get done.

So...here I am, BEGGING. Guys, every cent counts. ANY dollar that ANYONE has to spare, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, help us out. Again, I don't even care if it's one dollar from a few people. Literally ANYTHING would help, right now.

And if you can't donate, PLEASE SHARE THIS POST!!!!! I'm going to tag just about everyone on my friend's list, and I ask all of you, AGAIN, even if you can't give anything, just PLEASE help me spread the word, somehow.

Love to all of you, and peace and health to you all!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

PayPal Link: paypal.me/anthsgirl

Tagging for sharing purposes!!! HELP SPREAD IT, GUYS!!!!! Or, if you can help...please do!!!!

@anxietyproblem @artgroves @alatherna @binickandros @brimbrimbrimbrim @thisgameissonintendo @cesperanza @cobaltmoonysart @chiyume @deliriumsdelight7 @dorkbait @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @ebongawk @eddiebigbang @fairydropart @frostbitebakery @floggingink @gingertumericlemon @gyrhs @gyrhs @hopelessartgeek @hardwired-to-self-destruct @idyllic333dreams @intergalacticaquarium @jemmacdraws @kurozawa46 @little-scribblers-heart @nade2308 @ooihcnoiwlerh @one-in-a-world @petite-madame @quirly @ride-the-hammett @ridethehammett @uwusillygirl @why-write-at-all

[kaonarvna]

Going through so much right now. Barely have the capacity to do much of anything aside from work and take care of myself and my spouse.

Autistic burnout is truly a cruel mistress. As is having undiagnosed ADHD, knowing what your unmet needs are, and not having the means to access the support you require.

Big vent below. Workplace ableism. ADHD/AuDHD vent.

My spouse is quitting his job again. It happens every year. We've only just now realised "oh my god, it's the autism. It was always the autism" for why he keeps hopping.

He's leaving the current job because they're failing to give him what seems like the most basic accommodations (written instructions, scheduled meetings/literally any notice instead of impromptu "informal chats" in hallways with no record, basic empathy).

He's being told off for "speaking too loudly" and "speaking too enthusiastically" even though all he's talking about with his colleagues is work. They took away his office to turn it into a meeting room, forced him into the communal office space, and have now told him to stop talking to himself or his colleagues.

It's heartbreaking. It's been slowly creeping in for months and it's taken too long for us to realise "oh my god, you need a diagnosis, this is just fucking discrimination, you need formal accommodations and support".

So he's off on the sick now because his stress has become so severe that he just can't function. Before he got the sick note he'd come home and crash every day, and dreaded going to work. He role-played being a warhammer 40k servitor (lobotomised and obedient worker drone, basically) to help him get through the day of staying quiet and doing nothing but work. He'd come home and need so much sensory input and support. And he slept so much, and so poorly. He started to "fail the speech checks" (massively miss social cues and say the wrong thing) with colleagues at work, and came home embarrassed in ways he never was before. He's a very very social animal, and didn't think he had social difficulties, but now he's so worn down that he's realised he does.

He can't mask anymore. He's so tired.

And now that he got that sick note, and plans to leave, he's not dreading waking up each day nearly as much. He's still in the sensory sock every day, and he's still sad and overwhelmed, but he's feeling better.

We've started the process of getting him a diagnosis, but it's going to take months and months and months. We don't really have months. We're going to start applying for new jobs for him, and hopefully get him out of labs. You'd think a chemical laboratory would be the perfect place for an autistic man who loves STEM, but management has always made it unworkable for him. He's always slowly forced out.

And I can barely take care of him, between working full time and having EDS. And I've finally realised I desperately need that ADHD diagnosis, and I need meds. I haven't felt like a person in so long. I haven't felt like myself in years. I feel like this abstract creature inside this horrible prison, and the controls don't work anymore.

Every mental health professional I've seen has asked me, "Have you ever been assessed for ADHD? You've already adopted all the coping mechanisms and lifestyle changes I could recommend. I can't diagnose you, but yknow, think about it."

I've always suspected it. I know I'm autistic. All signs point to ADHD too.

I looked back on every stimulant I've put in my body, and realised that all of them made my brain emptier. They all gave me more control. I was always more able to make choices and act upon them. But I used to associate that with the pain relief (think kratom, nefopam, etc) not the stimulant.

So when I got my pain mostly under control, and I manage it now, I couldn't figure out why I still had so little control over myself.

It's the fucking ADHD.

How much time have I lost to being undiagnosed and unmedicated? How much of my life has slipped down the drain while I paced back and forth, or laid in place "stuck", or ping ponged from incomplete task to incomplete task until I crashed? How much more pleasure could I have experienced if my brain wasn't full of constant noise and thirty different versions of the same thought?

How much have I hurt myself by going "you're fine, you don't need meds" for so many years?

I don't know how long it's going to take to get diagnosed. I've started the process and now we just...wait. But all the evidence points to "yes", and that "meds will probably work and make a massive difference for your quality of life". I might get to be a person someday, or at least a more fulfilled creature.

[nark-my-words]

this is very angry, but i really just want to yell somewhere outside of just the narcolepsy tags bc yknow I'm physically disabled!!! it sucks!!!!

another issue with narcolepsy!!! is that the media and mainstream depictions of it are so fucking insultingly simple and do NOTHING to represent the devastation it can cause and how physically disabling it is.

Sleep is something fundamental to health. if your sleep is disordered and impaired and you aren't getting enough good restorative sleep, you are going to suffer long term health impacts and horrible quality of life. you have to be a fucking ambassador with an encyclopedic knowledge of how it's not the funny "fall asleep when emotional disorder" (that's called cataplexy and it isn't falling asleep, it's muscle weakness and a loss of muscle control. it's also only in type 1 narcolepsy) or the "falls asleep anywhere and you're refreshed :) disorder" (for many people, it's not being "refreshed", it's just Not Being As Tired and it doesn't last very long) or the simple "it means you're sleepy all the time"

it's often severe sleep cycle disturbances during both night AND day and feeling tired all. the. time. because your brain can't properly regulate sleep cycles so you can't get enough deep sleep. ever.

imagine never getting enough sleep fucking ever. It doesn't matter how MUCH you sleep, because your brain can't moderate your sleep cycles properly and you can't go into the stages of sleep that your brain and body need. imagine the impact that would have on your brain and body. imagine your own brain literally not physically fucking working right. imagine the full body, unrelenting fatigue.

it's a severe neurological and neuroimmune (at least N1 usually is neuroautoimmune) disorder and it's actually severely underdiagnosed because not enough people have access to the specific kind of sleep studies they (insurance companies tbh) require to diagnosis it

when are people going to realize we are fucking suffering and stop overwhelmingly handwaving or treating narcolepsy like a punchline or funny quirk?

everyone who thinks it's cute or quirky actively contributes to how horribly we are treated and how little we are taken seriously unless we sit there with essays that spoonfeed how critical proper sleep cycling is to longterm health and quality of life.

even then, why should anyone care about us physically? all that matters is that we're considered productive under capitalism. doesn't matter what severe health issues you continue to stack up

stimulants and wakefulness promoting agents are the first line treatment and they do fucking NOTHING to tackle the sleep cycle issues at night. in fact, they often make insomnia even worse. nobody gives a shit about narcoleptics' physical health as long as they're capable of being productive and "awake" and it's utterly repulsive.

(This all also applies a lot to idiopathic hypersonmnia, too, which shares a lot of overlap w narcolepsy type 2)

also ppl w [insert mental illness or neurodevelopmental disorder here] who want to compare it to a neurological sleep disorder: don't you even fucking Start. you know full well I'm talking about different things.

[not-goldy]

Sigh I'm not hung up on it but calling something what it's not is annoying to me. If I looked at the blue sky and someone called if blue-green I'd be annoyed at that too if there's no trace of green. A duet is a duet. A ft is a ft. Background vocals are background vocals. You can talk about their other collabs - I never said anything about them so?

I think you're implying I'm not happy they're collabing or something but truly I'm just annoyed at this over exaggeration of the importance of JK's background vocals. Shippers have hyped it up for no reason. Its non-shipping equivalent would be ot7s hyping up Namjoons contribution in Like Crazy. Obviously both JK and NJ were important but the amount shippers / armys talk about it versus the actuality of their contribution is tiresome

Finally I'm not trying to be condescending but if you say things that are factually untrue (letters a duet) or that are guesses but not facts (letter is something special between jikook that we're unaware of), why is there such an aversion to push back? Surely it's good to question these things? And I'm harping on about letter only as an example. It is one situation amongst many. Again the hope is that you all won't become taekookers version 2 but this resentment towards anyone even slightly questioning your worldview is not a good sign. Anyway I came to check once if you replied. You can answer this or not since I won't be back but I hope you consider what I said. But based on your last response I doubt it right?

These are feelings you need to share with your therapists to be honest. I'm closed for business for the rest of the month.

But thanks for being honest about your feelings because you confirming all my diagnosis of you and your kind_ bigotry plain and simple.

Bigotry:

One who is narrow-mindedly devoted to their own ideas and groups, and intolerant of (people of) differing ideas, races, genders, religions, politics, etc.

That annoyance and frustration you feel stems from your discomfort with how others perceive things- is called borderline psychopathy. I can't help you with that unless you want me to choke it out of you.

But I can help with your narrow mindedness.

Perhaps your annoyance stems from the fact you feel it's an overexageration- but what if you are the one downplaying Jungkook's Bg vocals on Letter???

Because it goes both ways. If we feel you are downplaying his role are we equally entitled to get annoyed and hit you on the head for it????

I personally would rather bitch slap you across the face but I can't do that because you are entitled to your opinion and that shouldn't annoy me AT ALL💀

It's just background vocals so people shouldn't be excited about it???? If it's just background vocals Hobi or Jimin himself could have done it.

Perhaps we place importance on Jungkook's involvement because JIMIN CARED TO INVOLVE HIM

Perhaps we feel exactly how Jimin wants us to feel? Lose our shit and go ape shit????

Perhaps we exaggerate because Jimin exaggerates Jungkook every single time sweat like holy water yea he definitely exaggerates Kook

To quote Jungkook:

Hope you get the help you need somewhere else

[intersex-support]

I've always suspected I was intersex since I was young and heard of it, now that I'm older and I'm getting close to a diagnosis of PCOS, I got checked for high testosterone I have high testosterone, even after everything; I still feel so hesitant to call myself intersex. I just want advice about this? It's been hard for me to accept this despite all the traits I show. I feel so hesitant to use intersex terms, to call myself intersex. Advice?

Hi anon.

You're definitely not alone in struggling to accept your intersex identity and feeling conflicted about what it means for you. When I first got diagnosed with my intersex variation, I felt really overwhelmed and emotional. Even though I was already a little bit familiar with what intersex meant, realizing that it applied to me, and that I was actually intersex, brought up all these other questions and insecurities about my gender, my childhood, other parts of my identity. And so, so many of my intersex friends have had similar experiences.

I think something that makes it really hard to accept yourself as intersex is the amount of systemic discrimination we face. We grow up in a world founded around compulsory dyadism--the way that the (mythical) sex binary is forced onto everyone, and how people who deviate from the sex binary are erased, "fixed," and have our intersex traits eradicated. When we grow up in a society where every form only has an "m" and "f" box, where there's all this shame surrounding things like body hair, micropenises, etc, where we're told that intersex is incredibly "rare"--it's so hard to feel like we can actually exist as intersex! Our society makes it feel like it isn't even possible in the first place, and then also places all these dehumanizing and pathologizing stereotypes on us once we do find out we are intersex.

But the truth is, of course we're allowed to exist as intersex, and we aren't rare! One thing that's really beautiful to me about the intersex community is that we have so much variety, in terms of our different diagnoses and life experiences. There truly is not one singular universal intersex experience. There's not a "right" or "wrong" way to be intersex. There's as many different intersex experiences as there are intersex people. You know that you have intersex traits, you have test results, you are the expert on your body. You are intersex enough, and your experiences are a meaningful and valuable part of the intersex community.

It's definitely a journey to embrace your intersex identity, and it's not something you need to rush before you're ready. I'll share some things that really helped me when I was in that process, and other intersex followers, feel free to add on things that helped you!

Learning more about intersex history, culture, and politics. It was super meaningful for me to understand that there is an intersex community and that we do have this in depth history, that we're not alone and that people have been intersex for years and years! You can check out this post for a bunch of resources about intersex community, videos, art, articles, etc. It helped me a lot to find people experiencing intersex joy and understanding that as a possibility.

Practicing calling myself intersex in welcoming spaces. At first, I was only out as intersex online in an anonymous blog, because that felt like a safer way to practice referring to myself as intersex without having to come out to people yet.

Joining in intersex community spaces and lurking! I wasn't necessarily ready to start talking about my experiences right away, but meeting other intersex people who welcomed me was super important. If you're under 30, @interactyouth has a discord server. Interconnect also has a discord server and online support group meetings for people of all ages. @intersexbookclub is a super great community that has a discord server and regular book club meetings to discuss books.

Taking it slow and practicing self care. Discovering that you're intersex can be such an emotional experience. For me, journaling is a way that I really like to help process my thoughts and take care of myself. It can sometimes be helpful to incorporate whatever self care looks like for you.

Overall, know that you are intersex, you are allowed to call yourself intersex, and you are not an imposter here. You belong here, and there's a whole community that has your back.

Welcome to the intersex community. I'm glad you're here 💜💜💜