#we were the last people to leave lol
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Finally posting these
This concert was SO GOOD
#it���s up there as one of the best I’ve been to#so fun#Pollyanna Did in fact remember me from their last concert here#told them if they ever need someone to do art for something I’d be up for it#they were interested so maybe#they like my drawings I’ve done of them#Pinkshift didn’t remember but like obviously pollyanna would we were some of the only people at their last one#Pinkshift I think sold out last time. pollyanna had like ten people and I think we may have been the only people there that came to this#lol#love them#Jhariah was really good too#a lot of people came just for him#had cool hand made merch he was on vocal rest when he wasn’t on stage#I like going to small shows at small venues cause you get to meet and chat with the artists after#we were the last people to leave lol#omg they completely redid the room! this was in purgatory at the masquerade I’ve been there like five times and it was completely different#new bathrooms a whole platform was gone new merch area no baracade#weird#Pinkshift#pollyanna#Jhariah#eat your friends tour#concert#photography#music
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i won’t hold people to the same standards i have on myself in terms of friendship bc everyone shows they care in different ways
#this is a part affirmation and part intro to a rant i need to unleash#but i’ll leave it in the tags here bc it feels safer lol#it’s abt my housemate the other day when we had our last class which is online but our previous classes were in person so as a class we#usually just pull it up on the main computer and broadcast the zoom in the classroom#but on this day the class before this zoom class got out early so lots of people went home early to just watch it on their own zoom or wtvr#so the row i sit in was pretty empty except for me my housemate and our two friends#and usually my housemate sits on my right but she got up and moved to sit on the other side next to our other friend and said nothing#and i didn’t want to say anything bc i was kinda sad/offended even though#her moving seats probably has nothing to do with me and much rather her personal preference i can’t help but think negatively abt myself#also one morning we were both off she went to the smoothie shop and coffee shop and just went to pick up her orders and i felt the same#reaction of like sad/offended bc she didn’t consider me at al like what if i wanted a smoothie too! TF#or coffee even though i don’t drink coffee anymore wtvr#my thoughts on her and my friendship are kinda rocky bc we feel so out of sync#i feel like she’s always in her own world and it’s hard to get through to her and become real friends#it’s whatever not all friendships can be deep and meaningful
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I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.
#personal#move back to your small hometown they said#it'll be fun they said#me chanting over and over again:#if you live here you get to see your family all the time#(this is a good thing for me i love my brother and his family)#dude honestly this whole thing is just hilarious at this point#anyway newest drama is that one of the parents thinks it's suspicious that i 'quit' the same time my best friend moved away#the shit that is being said about us right now??? fucking wild#i haven't told any of those kids why i really left because they don't need me to be gossiping about their current coach to them#that would be so unprofessional of me#i say like she wasn't spreading rumors about me to THEM directly last year#we are all in our 30s here why are we acting like fucking teenagers still#i'm about to be real petty when i go visit next week though#'oh my god you won't believe what i heard crystal is telling people at her salon'#to the coach not the kids lol#i have a sneaking suspicion that the she is involved in this gossip in an adjacent way not directly#and i want her to think about the shit she says before she says it#she's mad that i don't want to coach jv when i told her multiple times i don't want to run my own program#and that i'd be happy to help her out as an assistant coach but that having to deal with parents is my worst actual nightmare#see what's happening right now#literally the only reason i applied is because i love those kids and they were all freaking out about my friend leaving#because they thought their current coach was also going to be leaving#and i was like hey i won't leave you guys don't worry#it's her fault that she chose not to include me in any of her brainstorming for next year#if she really wanted me to be involved she would have been talking to me about it back in april#i'm literally barely pulling myself out of my grief hole about losing coaching#and i could have stayed around but i would have been miserable#because it wouldn't have been in the capacity that i really wanted#oof okay i feel a little better after venting a bit
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to quote my brother: what a week these past three days have been
#anyways hi. im back :3#we were up in the mountains for my older brothers wedding :)#that is now TWO of my siblings that have gotten married on halloween lol#i am. so tired#it was good and everything went well but going up and down stairs multiple times a day did not play nice with my legs at all#standing almost all the time and running around the place to help set things up probably didnt help either but DAMN those stairs#i feel like ive been run over#also being surrounded by ~30 people almost all the time is. a lot! for sure!#my mom did so fucking good on everything though. everybody loved all the stuff she made :)#i also finished the bracelet my older brother commissioned from me LAST CHRISTMAS and was able to give it to him while i was there#and while we were there(and i had time) i made his wife one too. hehehe#she loved it :)#it made us late to leave but it was worth it
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Would love to know why international acts always seem to come out here in the dead of summer. Nothing says fun like performing in 40° celsius heat
#its especially funny when its some norwegian metal band my brother likes or something#like are your tour managers actually trying to kill you who planned this#but also a reason i barely go to concerts bc its like lol pay 180 bucks to stand in blaring heat 🫶#um.... im okay#i went to florence and the machine a while back and while it was a great concert and she did amazing#it was a 40 degree day and even tho she didnt come out til the sun was setting it was still 37° out and there was no seating#so i ended up stripping half my dress off and just having the underskirt and my bra on and so did p much everyone else bc we were dying#and she kept stopping the show bc she was seeing people faint in the audience and would ask security to go check on them#also winter here is perfect??? like it doesnt snow it doesnt rain much its often 20-23 c during the day so im just ?????#do a winter show and leave the summer shows for places that are ice tundras in the winter or something idk#if skz does come here this yr which they might not i mean there was 4 years between the first concerts here and the last#but i hope its in autum winter early spring lol
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ppl reblogging the friday night poll like “i leave the house and am social but i’m not going to ragers so idk if that counts :/“ hello??
#idk i thought it was obvious but maybe i should have clarified lmao#also forgot that. some people live with their SO and stay in together and TECHNICALLY we have the same answer but it’s not the same yknow#where are all of the other lonely single bitches who don’t leave the house#kind of reminds me of a comic i saw the other day about someone who had difficulty leaving the house but was also married and i’m like#screaming internally. how the fuck do you do that. or maybe they were exaggerating the infrequency they go out#i CANNOT be the only one like this. this cannot be completely hopeless#sorry for sadposting before noon lol but i’m counting this as a carryover from last night
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why do i feel weirdly guilty for taking a day off of work to have necessary surgery 🤡
#they said i could go back to work but i did that last time and it was a pain so i took the day off#and i did a bunch of errands and Accomplished Things instead of napping which is what i wanted to do#then finally sat down to watch a movie and eat and im like....feeling guilty for not being at work#insane#to be fair the hour before i left yesterday was crazyyyy bc we had a kind of crisis#ibstayed a half hour late bc there wasnt enough coverage due to the crisis and i did my coworker's clean up for her bc she literally left#without finishing it#bc she was freaking out#crisis is one of the kids had lice lol#anyway she left without finishing her cleanup even tho the owner of the school and our boss's boss dropped by#to let us know the health department was coming thennext day (today)#and she Went Home even tho there was literally cottage cheese all over the floor wtf#anyway i was watching the kids while my supervisor bagged up all the stuffed toys and sheets and blankets etc to wash#then i did my other co teachers cleanup while my supervisor tried to do afternoon diapers but she was so late starting only 4 kids were lef#out of like 8 or 10 that probably should have been changed#so half of them went home without a final diaper change lmao#anyway#bugs 😬#i got a lice treatment shampoo and leave in conditioner but yuck#anyway i just felt really bad bc im out and they always need people but also im out on the day we're getting a ladt minute health inspectio#and i know that classroom is gross bc the cleaning crew thats supposed to come in every night has definitely not been doing that#this has been a shitpost#anyway my eye surgery hurts so bad wah 😭#its not even supposed to hurt that much but im like wicked sensitive to the light or something that it hurts a lot even w eye shields#and nobody is babying meeee#my mom made me clean the kitchen and the barn when we got home :(#my brother is making gf cookies for me tho but not bc of the surgery he just wants to try baking gf for me in general bc he's nice#also he's making 61 cookies by accident instead of 18 bc he doubled the recipe and then realized it was a recipe forngiant cookies lmao
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headed to the post office today to mail out letters i wrote and never sent. didn’t mean to color match them all since i wrote them over several months
#one of these is from january….#and another was a reply to the person the january letter was for#when they sent me a letter in april like ‘hi please don’t be dead’ so i wrote them back#and then decided i still didn’t want to talk to anyone ever again and never sent it#other two are for people i knew irl who just moved away#ones a work friend who took up a corporate position at our company LOL#so we still chat over the work dms but we were talking stationery before she left and then pen pals happened i guess#and the last one is for a distant friend who just went to dallas#i saw a booklet online where you buy it and get a free coffee from 30 different coffee places in dallas#so i bought it and im finally going to mail it to her#i put a bracelet in the april letter and some loose stickers in the january one i think#and in the letter to my work friend i put some tea leaves of my favorite blend and instructions on how to steep them#and in the letter to the girl i know who went to dallas i sprayed it with cheap lavender body spray#for funsies lol
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HAD THE. CRAZIEST INSANE SEQUENCE OF EVENTS AT UNIVERSAL TODAY
#okay. in line for our first ride we notice the couple behind us is british and we're like omg! thats fun. dont hear a lot of british accents#so we like move on. and go to our next ride. and notice behind us there was a group of british teens#and we were like omg! what a fun coincidence. hahahaha. anyways :) and we left and went to our next ride#and as we got to the end we saw this guy arguing about the fact he couldnt bring his backpack onto the ride#so he left to put it in a locker and went. “sorry i cant get on” in. YOU GUESSED IT. A BRITISH ACCENT.#and they had a little kid so we were like OMG. 3 diff british families thats so insane. and like little kids with accents are always so fun#so we leave like. are we on punkd? this is wild. and we go to another ride. No British people around. but.#as we get to like the ride area the door isnt open#so i turn to my friend like should i just open it myself? and i hear. from the family who's going in with us.#'just go ahead and open it love'. SHOCK#DISBELIEF. A FOURTH FUCKING BRITISH FAMILY. COMPLETELY SEPERATE FROM THE OTHER 3. ALL IN A ROW.#we leave in a daze. surely thats just insane. so we go to the other park and get on our first ride. no british people#we think okay. its finally over. go to another ride. still no british people. like i guess the curse is lifted lol!#and as we are walking to our next ride i am physically blocked by this family. and as i go to complain about it what do i hear?#TWO LITTLE KIDS SPEAKING IN GERMAN. TWO GERMAN CHILDREN. WHAT THE FUCK.#i start flipping out because in all my years of living in orlando i have never seen a german tourist. thats crazy.#and after all THAT? MY GOD!#we leave the ride in a daze. and we decide to go on one last ride (a harry potter one)#of course i have the thought like lol. there should be a british family here itd be appropriate#and as we're walking up i see another guy getting told he has to put his backpack in a locker. as a joke i turn to my friend and say#'i cant get on!' in the same accent as that guy from all those rides ago. as a funny reference to ourselves#and as i step closer what do i hear exit this mans mouth? A FUCKING. SCOTTISH ACCENT.#I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A FEVER DREAM. WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN#i have NEVER seen so many british people in my entire life. ALL IN ONE DAY.
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Just remembered how in fourth grade there was a new girl in our class so I introduced myself and spent the whole day with her so she had a friend and she made new friends the next day and didn’t hang out with me after that,,,,
#😭 I’ve always been the welcome wagon#LOL reminds me of another time in 8th grade I was friends with a really nice smart girl and she didn’t seem to like me much#but I was all ♥️♥️♥️♥️#and she said she didn’t want to tell me she was Native American because she thought I wouldn’t like her or soemthing 😭 I was so baffled like#what?????#anyways she also went off with people she liked more#my best friend from like 2-4 was a kid named Steven#we shared a birthday#i always brought him a gift#one year I brought him a cool Pokémon toy it May have been a pose ball with pikachu#he fumbled around in his pocket and pulled out some pens and said they were for me 🧎🏽♀️ I appreciate the last minute thought#he stopped being my friend after 4th and never wished me a happy birthday ever again even though I still said it to him until 9th#correction 8th grade#there was also a girl named Ashley who I really liked and I told her I had a crush on this boy and she went and told him the same day#this was in;;;; 3rd?? grade#i didn’t really have any friends growing up lol#OH AND THIS GIRL only hung out with me because I was nice to her after all her friends began to hate her 😭 but when they made up she didn’t#talk to me again#🧎🏽♀️I spent a lot of time alone walking along the cement that lined the playground#collecting leaves#picking up trash#teachers loved me#melifails
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ravens fans are pathetic. a player can't even go on live and say "we're gonna do whatever it takes to win this game" without these miserable ass people coming in and being like "tHeYre ToO oPTimIsTiC"
#i'm not 100% sure of us either but man tone down the edge you look stupid#what the fuck kinda mindset do y'all want these players to have? 'ooohhhh we have no chance we gonna lose'#last time around half our starters were out and they still only beat us by 11 points so. not completely hopeless#even with lamar out lol#swear most these people are just lamar stans that pretend to care about the whole team#if lamar leaves they'll go with him#trust in this team for ONCE. GAWD.#and if ya don't like it it's 31 other teams to root for ➡️#jussayin#nfl#baltimore ravens#shut ya mouth i beg
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#fuck i'm having a bad night that should've been a good night#went to the show for my cousin's band it's their very first show they opened for some out of town bands#mostly to get people in the room to see the bands bc everybody loves him so much#and i wanted to go and my roomies wanted to go and the one was hoping to network and then we got there and like#my roomies are having a bad anxiety day and i'm fucking struggling as well#my cousin's desperately trying to make shit work he's got a surgery coming up he's got his n95 so he doesn't get covid#and put off this surgery he's been needing for four fucking years#and i'm here with my chronic fucking fatigue and updates on my sister trying to be cheery before we go on but like#we're both fucking feeling the absence and it's apparent#last time we were both in that room together he was starting another band the room was fucking full#his parents were there his brother was there my sister and i were both there and everyone was cheering and had energy and life#and there's just so much fucking ABSENCE#and the mic doesn't work so the singer just doesn't sing lyrics for the songs in the set that were supposed to have lyrics#and we ended up leavving bc again the roomies were anxious and i was fucking exhausted and like#i'm trying to salvage this night i posted the poem i had written i'm doing my fucking best#i ate the last of my birthday cake but i dropped a slice on the floor lol#idk i am just feeling the fucking absence tonight#a lot of the time i'm very content with the ways i've adjusted and the life i've rebuilt for myself but tonight i'm just like#fuck it was supposed to be different#i wish i could time travel lol#there is so much missing from me idk
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Today was so fun we were at first the 3 zombies from my class then we found another zombie and we went to get his friends together, they escaped to a safe space
then we saw another guy that we all kinda knew and went after him, he also escaped but we gathered another zombie (his friend) then we pretended we were leaving hid behind a building and half of us went all the way around to get him from behind he escaped again tho bc he had a weapon
anyways then it was almost 1pm so we positioned ourselves next to the main doors so when ppl came out we could get them then a guy i met last week passed and omg he was like a ninja rlly scared me lol i tried to slow him down by getting hit in front of him he didnt slow down and escaped too :(
we had already been trying to kill someone for like 1h at this point but we got back into positions and we managed to get 1 of the 3 humans that passed (this building has barely any humans left, next time were going to another one with more humans) i killed her!!! yayy 1st kill in the gameee😋😋
anyways after that we were kinda tired it was around the time we had to leave so we went together to the train station to see if we could kill someone on the way and then like we saw a zombie and she was with her human friend so we started going after the human the zombie joined us and like she did have a weapon but it was like 8 vs 1 so it was basically impossible for her to survive she fell and we killed her lol anyways she was one of the ppl that have long range weapons who are the hardest to kill so yayy 1 less
then we just left bc we were tired and no one has to eat until like 6 or 7 pm so their problem not ours
#lol this is long#the best part i didnt even have to skip class lol it was a when you finish you can leave thing#and the other 2 zombies and i were like. speedrun and leave?#so we did that#(i usually skip the last hour of this class anyway tho lol)#anyways yesss i had lots of fun today lol#i definitely like being a zombie better than human i think#idk i feel like avoiding infinitely is too similar to my real life lol i do that every day anyways😭😭#its fun once you have zombie friends to go on hunts like today#also im super proud of my first kill have i mentioned that🥹🥹#(i did ''kill'' 2 people on last weeks mission but it wasn't real they just got eliminated for the mission this is my first real kill)#mine#hvz reports#uni#life
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but i would give anything for just one day spent in the life i had when i was 15. it may not have been perfect but i felt like i belonged somewhere. and i didn't worry so goddamn much about the big picture
#sighhh i miss when my biggest worry was my crush liking me back#i was such a typical teenager in hindsight bc of that#it seems a lifetime ago but it was only 4 years#2 years since we broke up thats crazy. everything changed i built my own life from nothing#im a completely different person#figuratively and literally though i will not use that to excuse my past actions haha#discord was like my whole damn world my center of the universe talking to my friends on there the highlight of my day#we had plans we had goals we had all thse big ideas and things we could do in our free time#now we go days without really talking to each other#in 2020 i said 3 more years and then we meet irl now 2023 is over and i am sure i will never see you. i wouldnt want to see you#i guess adulthood caught up to all of us. okay. most of us#i am just so sentimental#things had purpose back then and i wasnt this afraid#and i loved them#and i had someone who loved me#its fucked up how you dont even realize it wont last forever until its over#i wish it had ended differently. the whole friend group.#sometimes i wish we wouldve stayed friends. but thats just hopeful thinking because in my heart i know there is no way#were too different and theyre too committed to fucking up everything they have always#it makes me sad. makes me think they truly dont feel like they deserve happiness. i am kind of that way too#but i dont complain about losing the people i push away. so thats how were different lol#and i also dont suibait my mentally ill followers every other day because of some drama that only 15 year olds care about#so in that regard thank fuck i grew up. but also. thinking of them reminds me of simpler times#when this petty shit mattered to me. it really doesnt matter to me anymore and i cant get myself to care about anything that happens online#maybe its time for me to leave the internet behind for good. i dont know what its doing for me anymore.#i dont have anything im excited about on my laptop anymore lmao i have to desperately cling for straws for things i could do#to avoid sleep and being alone with my thoughts
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writing down some notes for bellum traits/speculative biology/whatever so here's a couple so far
he's cold blooded but can't die due to extreme temperatures, it just makes it harder for him to function.
amphibious in the sense that he can survive in both water and air, though he doesn't really need to breathe, if anything he mostly interacts with water and air through traversal differences.
he does move like a squid, he can just float around but to move faster he does need to move his tentacles for slight propulsion and steering, and does intake and jet out water or air for some extra speed. he is not literally a squid creature but he is very similar.
he's got little barbs on the undersides of his tentacles (similar to the texture of a cat's tongue) which help with grabbing onto and holding things.
he can pull his main eye down into his body if he wants to use his mouth as... a mouth, or when he creates those little goop things or otherwise to spit out that purple substance.
#salty talks#bellum#speculative biology might be too lofty or. deep? a term for this i just wanna figure out what's going on with him yknow#like im not trying to be scientific or anything with this this is like. a personal passion project kinda thing not an assignment#but i lean a little into scientific terminology when it gets weird or awkward to me so whatever#idk if i'll share images or w/e of the final doc or just leave it to be expressed through fics#bc essentially these are notes ofr things that i want to show in fics (primarily the bellum x linebeck one. i need a fucking name for it)#also i like bellum and think hes a funny shape#constantly thinking abt that beak thing he has that seemingly never does anything but if you remember it#in context of him possessing linebeck and how he goes about doing that its like. oh. ...oh#its never addressed in any form but i wonder how the people who like animated that scene and stuff personally thought of it#in general i wonder how the pople who made ph felt abt bellum what ideas did they have that they never got around to sharing yknow#im not gonna act like it'd be a treasure trove he's a very nothing villain but i wonder if there were some sparse opinions and ideas abt hi#anyways DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT. BELLUMS BEAK THING. AND SPECIFICALLY HOW HE ATTACHES ONTO LINEBECK. HUH. HUH.#anyways i dont think bellum is like a squid creature if anything he's more just like some amalgamation of cephalopods as a demon#which is funny bc i am using a lot of irl squid characteristics to inform a lot of this stuff#its like half no hes not a squid he's a demon and half no hes not a squid he doesnt line up with them enough#i can see him as like a monstrous bastardization of a squid but nah hes not a squid hes just squidlike i think#im not too deep into my notes but im not sure how much i'll need considering the god/demon/magical being side of him yknow#i'll do what i need for my purposes#you can probably maybe see me getting awkward with some terminology with the last one but maybe thats just me feeling it lol#this is like half speculative stuff and half just headcanon yknow but whatever we got stuff here
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why am i always like this in the document notes. bro calm down
#.txt#constantly leaving notes that just say ''sucks.'' if i dislike something but can't fix it yet#as always. people who were here for my jeremy era we are kissing w tongue.#and also not doxing my last name i'm ngl that's there from a different stolen-from-a-fictional-guy name#bc i used to steal his last name. all the time. but then just changed it to the initial in half my shit lol
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