#we truly have the best keeper bro

[keepscrollinghun]

[kathlare]

call it what you want

Lando Norris x Amelie Dayman

Summary: Amelie’s 23rd birthday was a whirlwind of emotions. After an exhilarating performance on her tour in Toronto, she celebrated with her team, but the night felt bittersweet, far from her family and the person she truly wanted to be with. Just when she was starting to settle into the evening, a surprise awaited her. Lando, unexpectedly showing up, brought warmth and laughter that melted the distance between them. Their connection deepened through playful teasing and intimate gestures, making the night feel magical despite the miles apart. As the evening progressed, the bond they shared became undeniable, leaving Amelie feeling cherished and loved.

Wordcount: 2.3k

Warnings: fluff, smau

request over here!

September 25th, 2024 - Toronto, Canada

liked by schecoperez, maxfewtrell, and others

landonorris: Happy 23rd to my sunshine ☀️🎉 I’m not saying you get hotter every year… but it’s getting a little out of hand. 🔥 So lucky to have you as my partner, my best friend, and the one who can make me smile even when I’m acting all serious. You make life way more fun, and I can’t wait for more adventures with you. ❤️ But seriously, I’ll take this as my birthday present—getting to call you mine. 😏

View all 3,566 comments

fanofamelie: Awww, Lando really knows how to make us all cry with this post. 😭���� Happy birthday to the girl who stole our hearts! 🔥

ameliedayman: @landonorris Awwww, you’re gonna make me cry! Thank you, my love 😘❤️

maxfewtrell: The way Lando’s got the most romantic captions for Amelie, like we didn’t know he was that soft 🥲😂 → landonorris: @maxfewtrell Don’t act like you don’t have your soft moments too, mate 😏

callumdayman: She’s lucky? Nah, mate, YOU'RE the lucky one to have my sister! 😏 → landonorris: @callumdayman You’re not wrong, Callum. Got a keeper here! 😅

lilyzneimer: Amelie, you’re getting more stunning by the year! Can’t wait to see you 😍 → ameliedayman: @lilyzneimer Thanks, Lily! You're always the best at hyping me up ❤️

fanoflandonorris: Lando’s basically telling us all Amelie’s his forever with this post 😂💘

carlossainz55: OK, Lando, we get it, you’re obsessed 😂 But seriously, Amelie, happy birthday! → ameliedayman: @carlossainz55 Thank you! And Lando? Obsessed? Nah 😏

oscarpiastri: Lando’s captions got me second-guessing my own relationship game 😬 → landonorris: @oscarpiastri Nah, don’t worry, mate—yours is just as good! 😜

schecoperez: Man, you’re showing off your soft side, huh? 🥲 → landonorris: @schecoperez Gotta let the world know how much she means to me, bro 😎

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Amelie stood backstage, the vibrant lights of the concert hall still dancing in her mind. Her band and dancers were all smiles, catching their breath after an unforgettable show. The audience’s energy was infectious, and the adrenaline from the performance still buzzed through her veins. She had just turned 23, but the day had felt strangely ordinary in the chaos of the tour—until now.

She wiped the sweat from her forehead, flashing her team a tired but genuine smile. —Great show, guys. Let’s get ready to hit the road again tomorrow. But tonight…— Her voice trailed off, as the reality of her birthday seemed to hit her. She was in Toronto, away from her family, and she knew Lando was likely in Singapore.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled it out, expecting to see a message from her mom or one of her siblings. Instead, it was a simple text from Lando.

Lan🧡: I’m so proud of you, Ames. Happy birthday. Hope you’re enjoying yourself. You deserve it. Can’t wait to see you soon. 💛

She put her phone down on the counter in her dressing room, distracted, trying to shake the thoughts away.

Just then, her tour manager, Nadine, knocked and poked her head in.

—Hey, birthday girl. Your team's waiting to head out. I think you deserve a proper celebration tonight. You up for it?—

Amelie nodded, offering a small smile.

—Yeah, sure. Let’s just grab some dinner, and then I’ll crash.—

Nadine raised an eyebrow. —Are you sure? Because I’ve heard rumors of an amazing place nearby. The band and dancers are all excited to go. Let’s make tonight memorable. You deserve it.—

With a sigh, Amelie relented. She wasn’t going to fight it—she was surrounded by people who cared for her, and it would be nice to get out for a bit.

As they walked into the chic, dimly lit restaurant, Amelie felt the warmth of her crew's energy surrounding her. The chatter, the clinking of glasses, and the soothing music created an atmosphere she could get lost in. She was wearing a stunning yellow dress, one that hugged her figure and shimmered in the ambient light. Her hair was styled loosely, waves cascading down her shoulders. The color of the dress seemed to match the brightness of her smile, but inside, she still felt a bit of that quiet ache.

The restaurant was buzzing with laughter and conversation as Amelie walked in, her heels clicking softly on the marble floor. The team had already found their seats at a large round table, all of them raising their glasses in a toast as she approached.

—To the birthday girl!— Nadine called out, a glass of wine in hand.

—To Amelie!— the band and dancers chimed in unison, their smiles wide and genuine.

Amelie couldn’t help but laugh, her heart swelling with warmth. She had spent countless hours on stage and in rehearsals with this group of people, and despite being away from her family, they made her feel at home. She returned their cheers, feeling the love in every clink of the glass.

As the night went on, Amelie found herself laughing more than she had in days. The food was amazing, the company even better, and the tension that had built up from the long tour seemed to melt away with each passing moment. Her dress sparkled under the dim lights, and every compliment she received made her feel like she was glowing.

But just as she was starting to forget the quiet ache she’d been carrying inside all night, something unexpected happened.

A voice—a familiar one—sounded behind her.

—Fuck, you look absolutely stunning.—

Amelie froze. The voice was so unmistakable, it sent a wave of shock and excitement rushing through her. She turned around slowly, her heart racing, and there he was. Lando.

Her breath hitched in her throat. He was standing there, his signature grin on his face, his eyes sparkling with that mischievous gleam that always made her heart skip a beat.

He took a step closer, his smile softening as he saw the tears welling up in her eyes.

—You’re here,— Amelie whispered, her voice trembling slightly. Her chest tightened as emotions she hadn’t realized she’d been holding back suddenly broke free.

—Of course, I’m here. It’s your birthday, Ames,— Lando said, his tone light, though his eyes softened with tenderness. He opened his arms, and before she could even process what was happening, Amelie found herself in his embrace.

—Don’t cry,— he whispered against her hair, his voice a soothing balm to the ache in her heart. —You know I can’t handle it when you cry.—

Amelie pulled back slightly, just enough to look at him. Her eyes were glistening, her cheeks flushed from the tears, but her smile was as bright as ever.

—You’re such an idiot,— she said, laughing through the tears. —I can’t believe you’re here.—

Lando chuckled, brushing a stray tear from her cheek. —Well, I had to come. How could I let you celebrate without me?—

Her team watched the exchange with smiles, some of them pulling out their phones to capture the moment. It felt almost surreal, like a dream she didn’t want to wake up from.

—Alright, alright,— Lando continued, pulling back and taking her by the shoulders. —Turn around. Let me just say—shit, you look hot in that dress.—

Amelie laughed softly, her face flushing at the compliment. —You’ve always had a way with words,— she teased, twirling a little for him, the yellow dress swirling around her legs. The soft fabric shimmered under the dim lights, and for a second, it felt like they were the only two people in the room.

Lando gave her a mock skeptical look, raising an eyebrow. —You know,— he said, taking her hand and pulling her closer again, his tone low and playful, —I’d say something more, but I’m trying to be a gentleman tonight.—

Amelie raised an eyebrow in return, giving him a cheeky grin. ���You know,— she replied, her voice dropping to match his playful tone, —you can take that dress off me later, if you want.—

Lando’s eyes widened just slightly, his grin growing even wider. —You’re killing me, Ames.— He leaned down to kiss her forehead, his lips lingering for a moment as if to reassure her that all of this—the surprise, the warmth, the laughter—was real.

As the night continued, Lando and Amelie shared lighthearted conversations with her band and dancers, but there was an undeniable chemistry between them that no one could ignore. He was right there beside her, effortlessly fitting in with her crew, making jokes and laughing, but all the while, his attention remained on her.

The evening flowed effortlessly, the conversations at the table a perfect mix of humor and love. Every time Amelie laughed, Lando couldn’t help but smile. He was still marveling at how stunning she looked in that yellow dress, how vibrant and radiant her energy was. Even through the playful banter, there was a soft, undeniable connection between them—a chemistry that neither of them could deny.

As the dinner progressed, Lando stayed close, his knee brushing hers under the table every so often, sending shivers up her spine. He’d whisper flirtatious comments in her ear when no one was looking, his voice low and teasing, making her heart race.

—You know, I’m really enjoying the view tonight,— Lando murmured, his breath warm against her neck. —But I think I might like to see you out of that dress. Just a little more... private, you know?—

Amelie’s breath hitched, her eyes flicking to his with a mischievous spark. She turned her face toward him, their lips just inches apart. —Keep it up, and I might just make you wait a little longer,— she teased, her fingers lightly grazing the back of his hand.

Lando’s grin widened, but he leaned in closer, his lips brushing against her neck as he whispered, —I think I can handle waiting a little longer. But just so you know, I’m not good at it.—

The night carried on with a playful energy that only seemed to intensify the closer Lando and Amelie got. Despite the teasing, the flirty exchanges, and the lingering touches under the table, there was an undeniable sweetness in the way they interacted. The night was a perfect blend of fun, celebration, and the kind of intimacy that came from knowing each other so deeply.

As the evening drew to a close, the group made their way back to the hotel. Lando stayed close to Amelie, his hand brushing against hers, his playful smirk never far from his lips. She felt lighter than she had all day, her heart swelling not just from the fun of the night but from the fact that he had come all this way just to be with her on her birthday.

The hotel suite was quiet, save for the soft hum of the city outside. Amelie and Lando stepped inside, their laughter still echoing from their shared moments at the restaurant. Her band and dancers had gone to their rooms, leaving her and Lando alone. The weight of the night, the surprise, the emotions that had stirred inside her, all felt overwhelming, and she was grateful for the space.

Amelie walked toward the windows, gazing out at the shimmering city lights of Toronto. She sighed, feeling a calm settle over her as Lando stepped up behind her, his presence as familiar and comforting as ever.

—You didn’t have to come, Lando,— she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. —This... this is everything I needed.—

Lando smiled behind her, his hands finding her waist, pulling her gently into his chest. —Of course, I had to come,— he said with his usual playful grin. —You think I’d miss celebrating your birthday? And you know I can’t stay away from you for too long.—

Amelie’s heart fluttered at his words, and she leaned back into him, her hands resting over his. The moment felt intimate, warm, like a piece of their world that no one else could see. It was rare, this kind of quiet between them, but it felt right.

She turned in his arms to face him, her fingers lightly brushing against his chest as she looked up at him. The chemistry was undeniable, even in the softness of this moment. She swallowed, a lump forming in her throat as her emotions swirled. —I missed you,— she admitted, her voice thick with sentiment.

Lando’s expression softened, and he cupped her face gently, his thumb brushing away the tear that had escaped her eye. —I missed you too, Ames,— he murmured, leaning in to kiss her forehead softly. His lips lingered there for a moment, and when he pulled away, his eyes held a tenderness that made her heart skip.

Lando stepped back slightly, and with a teasing grin, he reached into his jacket pocket.

—I’ve got something for you,— he said, his voice low but filled with anticipation.

Amelie raised an eyebrow. —A birthday present? You didn’t have to...—

— I know,— he interrupted, his tone playful. — But I wanted to.—

He handed it to her with a smile, his eyes lighting up with anticipation. —Happy birthday, Ames,— he said softly.

Amelie looked down at the small, velvet box in her hands, feeling a flutter of excitement rise in her chest. She looked up at Lando, her eyes searching his face for some hint of what was inside. His grin only deepened, his gaze soft but filled with the kind of warmth that made her heart race.

—Go on, open it,— he urged, his voice low, almost a whisper.

Amelie carefully opened the box, revealing a delicate necklace inside. The pendant was a polished, gold "L," sleek and elegant. She gasped softly, her fingers tracing the letters, her breath catching in her throat. It was simple, yet stunning, the kind of piece that would be treasured forever.

Lando’s eyes sparkled as he watched her reaction, his grin widening. —I know it’s not much,— he said, his voice soft and a little vulnerable. —But I thought… maybe it could be a reminder. A reminder that no matter how far apart we are, you always have a piece of me with you.—

Her eyes met Lando’s, and for a moment, everything else faded. —It’s perfect,— she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. She looked at him, a smile breaking through the tears still glistening on her cheeks. —I love it, Lando. I really do.—

Lando’s face softened, and he stepped closer to her. —I'm glad.— His voice was gentle, but there was a hint of mischief lurking beneath the surface. —But I think you’re forgetting something.—

Amelie tilted her head, puzzled, as he pulled something from his pocket with a grin that sent a flutter through her chest. He held up a keychain, a simple black leather one, but attached to it was a small, gold letter "A."

Her eyes widened, the realization hitting her immediately. —You’ve got an ‘A’?—

—Of course,— Lando said with a wink, his gaze intense as he closed the distance between them. —We’ve always been connected, Ames.—

Her heart skipped a beat as she processed his words, the warmth of the moment wrapping around her like a cozy blanket. She raised her hand and touched the "L" necklace again, her fingers brushing against the cool metal, feeling the connection between them deepening with each passing second.

—You’re killing me with all this sweetness,— she murmured, looking up at him through her lashes. —But I’m not complaining.—

Lando chuckled, his eyes glimmering with a mixture of affection and playful desire. —Well, I think we both know how much I love to make you melt,— he teased, his voice dropping to a lower, more intimate tone. He leaned in, brushing a kiss against her temple before his lips moved toward her ear. —But if you want me to stop, you’re gonna have to stop looking at me like that.—

Amelie felt the heat rise in her cheeks as she turned her face slightly, their lips now only a breath apart. —You really can’t keep your hands off me, can you?— she teased, her voice soft, with a flirtatious edge that made Lando grin even wider.

—I’ve been trying,— he whispered, his lips brushing against her neck, —but you just make it so damn hard.—

Her breath hitched at the feel of his lips on her skin, the familiar warmth of his body pressing closer to hers. She tilted her head, giving him more access, her hands threading through his hair as a quiet moan escaped her lips. —Maybe… you should stop trying,— she whispered back, her voice thick with longing.

Lando’s breath hitched at her words, his fingers gently brushing against the back of her neck. The playful, teasing energy between them shifted, becoming something deeper, more urgent. His lips found her neck once again, the kiss sending shivers down her spine. He pulled back for just a moment, looking into her eyes with that irresistible mischievous glint that always made her heart race.

"You’re trouble," he whispered, his voice a little rougher now, the underlying desire evident.

Before Amelie could respond, Lando’s lips captured hers in a kiss that was deep, slow, and full of longing. She melted into him, her body responding instinctively to his touch. The kiss was a perfect balance of passion and tenderness, a reminder of everything that had brought them to this moment.

--------------

liked by stelladayman, pietra.pilao, and others

ameliedayman: 💛

View all 4,596 comments

landonorris: FIRST

landonorris: Happy birthday to my favorite person 💛 Love you more than words can say! You looked incredible tonight 😘 → ameliedayman: @landonorris You’re too sweet! But you’re right… I did look amazing 😏💖

stelladayman: You’re a literal goddess, happy birthday! 💛👑 → ameliedayman: @stelladayman You're making me blush, sis! Thank you 😘💖

fanofamelie: You’re KILLING that dress, girl 🔥🔥💛

lilyzneimer: Birthday queen vibes. That dress is EVERYTHING. 👑✨ → ameliedayman: @lilyzneimer Stop, you're making me blush! 😳💕

alex_albon: Lando’s eyes: 👀 Amelie: 💛 → landonorris: @alex_albon Hey, I gotta make sure she knows I’m the lucky one here 😎

landosgirl_1: Lando really out here looking like he won the jackpot with you 😏💯

alex_sainz55: Lando’s gonna have to start putting “don’t touch my girl” signs up everywhere 😂

alexwolffofficial: The queen’s day 💛🎉 Hope you had the best time, Amelie! Miss youuu 🥳 → ameliedayman: @alexwolffofficial Love youuuu! Can’t wait to see you soon! 😘💛

tatemcrae: Happy bday, Amelie!! You’re a whole vibe!! 🥳💖✨ Miss you already!! → ameliedayman: @tatemcrae You’re the best, Tate! Let’s party soon!! 😏💛

madisonbeer: Happy birthday, girl!!! You look gorgeous as always 💖💛 → ameliedayman: @madisonbeer You’re too kind, Mads! Let’s celebrate soon 😘

papayadreamin: HOLY SHIT GIRL!!!!

alexandrasaintmleux: Birthday queen!! Hope you’re having the best time 💛🔥✨ → ameliedayman: @alexandrasaintmleux You know it’s been a vibe! Miss youuu!! 😘

f1squadgirl: Lando won... for real

dualipa: Happy bday, babe!! Can’t wait to celebrate with you soon 💛🔥 → ameliedayman: @dualipa Let’s goooo! You’re the best!! 😘💛

[romancomicsblog]

Movie Redo: Fixing Batman's Insurgency from The Snyder Cut

While I was not crying out for more Snyder content, I was surprisingly impressed with Zack Snyder's Justice League. Yes, it is a long, and a little heavy on slow motion, but it had a vision that in my opinion, make his first two movies better. I don't think I connect with it in the same ways other do, but clearly it invokes passion.

While Zack Snyder's Justice League brought closure to a lot of DC fans, it brought a want for more from a lot of others, particularly in its closing scenes involving the Knightmare.

This battle between Batman, heroes, and an evil Superman has been teased throughout Batman vs Superman and The Snyder Cut. While I don't think this will ever truly happen, I want to focus on one aspect of the film that boggled my mind, the team that Batman assembles.

Batman assembles of team of heroes and villains to fight Superman, which in theory is a lot of fun and should be a team worth rooting for. However it is made up of (mostly in hindsight) some problematic stars and questionable choices in characters, none whom I believe could actually defeat Superman.

I want to go through the DCEU and make a team of heroes and villains that I think 1) would join up with Batman 2) would be able to put up a fight against Superman and 3) would make for an interesting movie.

Stipulations for myself are no heroes introduced after The Snyder Cut, as Zack would not have had access to them. So sorry, no Blue Beetle, no Supergirl, no Black Adam. But any heroes and villains introduced before then are fair game.

I also want to generally keep the same types of characters that are on the team. Let's say two villains, two younger heroes, and two Leaguers.

First, let's look at who is staying:

Keepers

Besides Batman, I only have the one.

I think having a Justice League member who remembers what Superman was like and to have Batman's back is a great idea. While I do love the Barry and Bruce relationship in comics and other media, Ezra Miller is not a person I can stand behind nor do I want to see in more movies for a long while.

Ray Fisher was done dirty by Warner Bros and Joss Whedon. He is a fantastic actor and plays my favorite character in Zack Snyder's Justice League. Bringing him along as both muscle and tech support makes sense. And given his technology being of alien origin, he may have a chance of actually putting up a fight against Superman.

In this film, I want Cyborg to represent the hope for Humanity. He has been taken over by something terrible, like alien technology, and has overcome it. Despite everything that has happened, Cyborg still believes they can save the world, and Superman. I think it would be a nice change of pace for the character and keep him at the heart of the film.

Now let's go on to the fun ones.

The Villains

The DCEU has a surprising amount of villains to choose from when it comes to people who would join the team. While both Joker and Deathstroke are fun fan favorite characters, I think for this cast, we can do better.

While I love the idea of Joe Manganiello as Deathstroke, he doesn't seem suited for a fight with the Man of Steel.

Similarly, Jared Leto's Joker seems like a pointless nuisance at best. Having a crash wild card on the team seems fun, but wrong direction.

Let's start with the obvious pick.

Lex Luthor

If we are doing a world where Superman truly goes evil, why not get help from the man who has been saying he would the Whole Time?!

I'm not a huge fan of Jesse Eisenbergs Lex Luthor, but in the post credits scene, he had seemed to calm down quite a bit, and seemed closer to the Luthor we know and love.

I still don't know if he entirely would nail it, but having Luthor on the team adds that same level of uneasiness Joker does while adding competence.

Luthor could have a chip on his shoulder with a lot of "I told you all" energy I love. And with his strong knowledge on Superman, and maybe a mech suit, he'd be incredibly useful against Superman.

I think we missed an opportunity to further Luthor's involvement in this universe in a fun and interesting way, and he should absolutely be a part of this team.

Ocean Master

While I did love the inclusion of Mera, I did not love the inclusion of Amber Heard. Having a violent Atlantean out for blood and vengeance for Arthur's death is a fun concept. Which brought me to his brother, Orm.

My hope is in Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, Orm comes to an understanding and love for his brother. If that were true, Superman killing his brother (and likely the world's oceans) would put him on a warpath with Orm.

I think Orm is one of those characters elevated by the actor playing him, Patrick Wilson. And given Wilson and Snyder have worked together, I think the collaboration is in order.

I think Orm is a good middle ground between Mera and Deathstroke, filling out both roles all while bringing an angry, violent energy to the team.

Heroes

While there are quite a few heroes in the DCEU, I tried to pick heroes Batman has not interacted with, or that would join his cause. Let's start with the bigger ask:

Harley Quinn

If we want to match that chaotic Joker energy, Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn is the better way to go about it. This would be reminiscent of the Injustice Games where she goes good, following Batman's lead as his second in command.

She can represent how far both she and Bruce have come, having put aside their differences, even forgiving her for the death of Robin. While I know she's not the truest hero, we only see her as a protagonist throughout her films, and I'd like to keep her that way.

While I don't think she's the most useful in a fight against Superman, I think she still adds much needed humor to the bruting team. Plus, we can give her a Kryptonite hammer and boom, she's in the fight.

I also want a character who can annoy Lex with her presence. I think those two would be at each other's throats the entire time.

And Finally:

Shazam!

If there is one thing Batman is known to do, it's recruit a kid. While we can't have the Black Adam/Superman match up the Rock so desperately wants, we can have a more competent Billy Batson on the team.

As a hero with similar powers and magic at his disposal, Shazam would be the most capable in a fight against Superman. In this version, he has lost his Shazamily, and now hones the power of all of the Council of Wizards, making him the ideal foe for Superman.

Batman not having an absolute tank on his team in the fight against Superman is insane. Shazam serves as Bruces back up plan incase they run into Superman. While he doesn't truly believe Billy can beat him, he thinks Shazam could sacrifice himself and save the others in time to come up with a true plan.

Levi can add comedy but mix in drama and sadness of his lost family. Levi's acting is often underutilized in the Shazam films, and under Snyder we may get some absolute gold.

Having a powerful Wizard, an Atlantean King, a Genius, a Motherbox enhanced Cyborg and one of the best members of the Suicide Squad on a team together led by Batman gives us not only a colorful cast of characters, but the DCEU a fighting chance against Superman.

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to support me you can find all my socials here!

[thewaynemanner]

Wholesome BatFamily Fic Rec’s

Hey All, so here is my BatFam Rec List you all have been asking for! Lol jk no one has asked for this, but I made it anyways! So here are my All-Time Favorite BatFamily Fic Recs, for the most part these Recs are all rated either “G” for General Audiences or “T” for Teen and Up Audiences. So basically, all these fics focus on family dynamics and relationships rather than slash or anything like that. These are all truly amazing fics so give your Kudos and love to the authors! And remember to always read the tags before you read the fic!

And So This is Christmas by DragOnstOrm

Summary: It's not that Alfred isn't happy with his job. It's just that sometimes he really wishes that he had known what he was getting into when he signed up for it.

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 1,901

My Comments: Folks, stories don’t get much more wholesome than this fic. After reading this fic I was left warm and happy. Also, it stars my boy, Alfie, which is usually extremely rare for fics. Loved that we got to see Alfred’s perspective in this! Great fic!

Bedside Manner by @fishfingersandjellybabies

Summary: Sometimes Bruce forgot just how great his kid was.

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 2,985

My Comments: Anything @fishfingersandjellybabies writes is truly fantastic, but I particularly loved this one since it delved into the sweeter side of Bruce and Damian’s relationship that we don’t get to see often (especially in cannon). I love me a good hurt/comfort fic 😉

 Bet on it by @lysical

Summary: Even Damian could admit that his older siblings occasionally had their uses.

"I need your assistance," Damian said, voice low and tense.

"No," Jason replied, and hung up.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 2,495

My Comments: Lysical writes some of the best BatBrother Fics out there, folks. So if you want some wholesome and hilarious Bat sibling bonding, then look no further! Bet on it, is one of my personal favorites of Lysical’s. Great writing and great characterization!

Blood in the Water by MishaBerry

Summary: We all do stupid things when we are lonely, and in faraway lands, we hardly expect the consequences to follow us. Bruce certainly never thought twice about an American woman in Jaipur after one night with her. He hardly expected to see her ever again.

The universe, on the other hand, had different ideas, and the tides of time and chance brought Tim Drake to Bruce's life over and over again.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 181,939

My Comments: FANTASTIC AU! One of my favorite Tim Drake centric fics, but still has plenty of the rest of the BatFamily. I also love that we get to see Tim as his sweet six-year self. This story has it all, great characterizations, good plot, angst, fluff, and BatFamily bonding 😊

Cracked Foundation by @cdelphiki

Summary: The last thing Damian expected to happen when he ran away from home was to spend a day crammed into a small space with Jason Todd. His father's second son was a black sheep. An outcast. An angry, insanity driven criminal who enjoyed screwing with the batfamily in every way he could. At least, that's what Damian thought. Maybe he was wrong about Todd.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 20,902

My Comments: This is a brilliant fic that examines the relationship between Damian and Jason. I absolutely loved this fic and never wanted it to end. I truly wish there were more Jason and Damian Fics out there, I think it’s a character duo that isn’t explored nearly enough. If you love Damian and Jason brother bonding fics, you’ll love this one and if you’ve never read a bonding fic between these two brothers, you may just find a new love!

Five Times Jason Todd Saved His Brothers, and One Time They Saved Him by laceymcbain, reena_jenkins

Summary: “Did you know I was in here, or did you just blow up the place for fun?”

Damian didn't need to see Todd's face to know he was grinning under the helmet.

“It's not really a rescue unless something blows up. But if Bats asks, it was completely necessary."

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 6,923

My Comments: This fic is BatFamily feels to the extreme. Jason Todd deserves love and this fic gives it to him. LOVED IT <3 <3 <3

Fly By Night by @lysical

Summary: Damian is thirteen. Sometimes he even acts like it.

"This is an injustice," were the last words Damian had spoken to his father all day.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 2,889

My Comments: Another great Fic by @Lysical! This is just a plain ol’ fun Fic, y’all. Great Bat Brother love in this one and it also features my sweet summer child- Jonathan Samuel Kent. Trust me you will love this Fic, it is hilarious and all around good stuff 😊

A Good Place by @lemonadegarden

Summary: Damian Wayne is kidnapped and sent back years through time. Together, he and Father – who's only been Batman for a mere six months –must figure out how to return him to his own time.

Over the course of the next week, Damian discovers that Mexican gangsters do not mess around, that social workers find Bruce annoying, that Bruce might be a little messed up, and that crystal chandeliers create the fondest memories.

Oh. And Alfred has hair.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 36,903

My Comments: LemonadeGarden is one of my All-Time favorite authors, so anything written by them is brilliant. But A Good Place will always be a favorite of  mine, it is by far my favorite Damian & Bruce centric Fic out there and is something I have read over and over again. I love getting to see a younger Bruce interact with Damian and in turn, Damian interact with him. It’s overall great and has a fantastic plot!

Let There Be a Bruise by @audreycritter

Summary: Damian is a child who should not have the scars he does; Bruce is a father who has plenty of his own scars, but still wishes he could take his son’s, too.

The silver lining is where they find each other— a broken son and a broken father, putting each other back together.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 3,656

My Comments: Audreycritter is the master of Damián & Bruce Hurt/Comfort fics. I honestly would recommend all of Audrey’s fics, so check them all out! But this one will always be a favorite 😊

 Life Happens by @cdelphiki

Summary: While walking home from an event at Wayne Enterprises, Tim and Damian are kidnapped and sent to an alternate dimension. In a world where superheroes are merely comic book characters and the idea of the multiverse is only a theory found within the pages of science fiction, how are Tim and Damian going to return home? How long will they be stranded on this strange Earth? And will the boys murder each other before they figure it out?

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 176,966

My Comments: Hoo-boy, folks. I don’t even know where to start with this Fic. I honestly get teary-eyed thinking about how beautiful it is and how much I loved this one. My favorite Tim Drake and Damian Wayne brotherly bonding Fic EVER. I would almost describe this Fic as a love letter to the characters Tim and Damian, in the sense that the author captures their characterizations beautifully and tells one of the best stories of growth and familial love I have ever read. It’s fluffy, angsty, humorous, and full of BatFamily feels. And don’t worry, there is plenty of Dick, Jason, and Bruce as well (If not a little later in the story). I would run to this Fic, if I were you.

 Life, if Well Lived by CaptainOzone

Summary: Jason wakes up from a time-travel mishap to find Thomas and Martha Wayne hovering over him.

Just another day in the life, right?

...Not quite.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 10,758

My Comments: A Fic that destroyed me in the BEST way possible. Tears, so many tears were shed during this fic. The best Hurt/Comfort fic I have ever read. Extremely unique in the sense that Martha and Thomas Wayne are two of the main characters and boy did I love it! I can not stress how AMAZING this Fic is. I never knew I needed this fic in my life until I read it. I wish I could re-read it for the first time all over again. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT!

My Brother’s Keeper by Forever_A_Thief

Summary: The boy had two options, two roads stretching out before him: stay with Mother, and become the greatest assassin ever known to man, or go to Father, and become a masked vigilante fighting for justice in a city drenched in darkness. Damian looked at these two roads, these two lives he could lead, and decided on a third path for himself instead. He chose his own road.

Jason never let himself think about the kid he had left behind at the desert compound all those years ago. When Talia never got in touch with him after his return to Gotham, Jason had assumed he had just been forgotten like he had been in Gotham. But then that kid, his little brother, showed up one night and Jason couldn’t just continue to push him to the back of his mind. Not anymore.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 43,907

My Comments: Did I mention I love Jason & Damian fics? Well I do and this one is beyond FANTASTIC. Overall great Bat-Bros fic that I would recommend over and over again.  This fic is Damian and Jason centric but it does involve the rest of the Bat Family too. I love seeing all the brother’s bonding in this fic and the overall family feels 😊

 Of Owls and Assassins by Cirth

Summary: "Dick," Bruce says, not entirely sure how to react, "who is that?"

Dick blinks at him from his place on the workout mat. There's a broken plate with mac and cheese strewn all over next to him, as well as what seems to be Bruce's old G.I. Joe action figure from the attic. It looks like a child's imagining of a murder scene. "My owlet," Dick states.

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 853

My Comments: The adorableness of this Fic is off the charts. I love AU’s where Dick is a Talon, but this one will always hold a very special place in my heart since Dick is just so pure in it. Forever a favorite <3

Party Games by @lemonadegarden

Summary: I can't believe you got into a bar fight at two in the morning. And now you're all in prison. The night before your wedding. What the fuck kind of a family am I marrying into?” Selina said.

Bruce Wayne goes to a series of bachelor parties, each one worse than the last. Set in the same timeline as We, So Much Older, but can be read as a standalone fic as well.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 12,659

My Comments: Okay, so technically this is a Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne Fic and even though the plot premise revolves around their upcoming wedding, I wouldn’t really consider this a “slash” fic. There is definitely more BatFamily vibes with this fic. It’s hilarious, fun, and oh so wholesome! I love this fic beyond measure and even if you aren’t a fan of the BatCat ship, I highly suggest you give it a shot for the amazing BatFam moments.

Second Chance by @cdelphiki

Summary: When Talia al Ghul watched her toddling son start his training, his awful, grueling training, she had an epiphany:

The League of Assassins was no place for children.

(Or: Talia realizes training literal babies is abuse and gets him out of there.)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 6,461

My Comments: This is the Talia al Ghul we deserve! This is the Talia al Ghul, Bruce Wayne deserves! THIS IS THE TALIA AL GHUL, DAMIAN WAYBE DESERVES! Loved this fic, great Talia al Ghul characterization. It’s the Talia that could have ben before DC slaughtered her character.

 Running Headlong into My Arms by gleesquid

Summary: Bruce doesn’t like to credit one thing for saving his life, but if he did, it would be Haly’s Circus that Friday night in September, just as summer was beginning to die.

(He'll always be a sucker for kids with sad eyes, no parents, and more fight than the world knows what to do with.)

Or: in a universe where superheroes don't exist, Bruce Wayne finds his family.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 54,231

My Comments: I feel like this fic is a right of passage into the BatFamily fandom, so if by some chance you haven’t already read it, I highly suggest you move this straight to the top of your reading list. It’s a classic and has everything you could ever want in a BatFam Fic.

 we are not alone in the dark by @audreycritter

Summary: Damian has a flashback on a family camping trip.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 2,218

My Comments: A BatFam camping trip, need I say more? One of my favorite hurt/comfort fics involving Damian. We get to see some super sweet moments between Bruce and Damian, and Damian and Jason. Loved it.

 Where You Go, I Follow by @fishfingersandjellybabies

Summary: In some world, Dick Grayson was never revived by Lex Luthor, and was probably better for it.

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 1,427

My Comments: BROKE MY HEART, but in the best possible way. I cried both sad tears and happy tears for this fic. LOVED IT! I have read it at least six times (I’m going read it again after I post this rec). A fantastic Dick & Damian story. I also love the title; it captures the mood perfectly. I’m always a sucker for fics that are inspired by songs, this one was inspired by ‘I Will Follow You’ by Toulouse!

Video message incoming by helenabertinellis

Summary: The League are just wrapping up their meeting when a call comes through the Watchtower servers.

It's for Batman.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Word Count: 1,228

My Comments: I consider this a classic BatFam fic, so I will be shocked if you haven’t read it, but on the off chance that you have not read it, GO READ IT NOW. It’s humorous and all so wholesome 😊

Yesterday’s Voices by @lemonadegarden

Summary: While trying to take down a drug cartel that deals with memory altering drugs, things go awry, and Batman wakes up with no recollection of the last five years.

As a result, his family must now race against time to find the antidote, while also having to deal with a Bruce who still thinks Jason is Robin. A Bruce who doesn't recognise most of them. A Bruce far less jaded and cynical than the one they're used to. A Bruce who still cares.

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 49,000

My Comments: Surprise, surprise another amazing fic by LemonadeGarden. I will be shocked if you haven’t read this fic yet, but on the off chance that you haven’t, I am telling you now, to RUN to this fic. It will forever and always be my MOST FAVORITE BATFAMILY fic out there. I honestly wish this fic never had ended, it’s one that will always hold a special spot in my heart. THIS IS THE BRUCE WAYNE WE DESERVE.

For More Fic Recs Check-Out:

BatFamily Fic Recs part 2

BatFamily Fic Recs Part 3

BatFamily Fic Recs Part 4

BatFamily Fic Recs Part 5

[goodomens-goodomenseverywhere]

Loki ep 6 thoughts

-FEAR

-recap reminds me I hate ravonna

-I want more mobius/sylvie

-THE SONG WAHHH

-The QUOTES IN THE INTRO?? WAHHH?,

-OH,?? REAL PEOPLE VOICES??

-Greta thin burg I love u

-upside down heart in rock

-THE SUSOICIOUS LACK OF THEME MUSIC WITH THE LOKI LOGO

-this music slaps everyone say thank u Natalie holt

-they look so good….ugh

-sylvies hair…wah

-THE LITTLE CALLBACK TO LAMENTIS

-she’s asking him to tell her to stop :’)

-best buds I love dem

-she’s pulling the ‘I’m 8 minutes older than u!!’ Argument that every twin pulls

-she needs a moment now but she didn’t hesitate back in ep 4. Hmm

-Tom looks fuckin great here let’s not lie

-statues?? Omg who

-ominous door slam

-I FUCKING JUMPED

-OMINOUS ‘HEY YALL???’

-THAT WAS HORRIFYING

-what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

-I need a second

-I’m so sorry that gives me the ‘HEY SISTERS’ jumpscare energy I’m laughing but terrified

-kang

-it’s fuckin kang aint it

-oh he scared

-he’s scared

-of the lokis

-wants to bargain with them hmm

-bitchboy

-this never ends well

-BRO HES PAST THIS STUPID FUCKIN BATTLE

-this is a trick loki PLS DONT FALL FOR IT

-full offense but ‘we can reinsert you so you won’t disrupt the timeline’ and ‘you can kill thanos and have the infinity gauntlet’ cannot POSSIBLY coincide

-her eyes are creepy

-don’t let this overrule your GOAL SYLVIE

-god one of you have braincells pls

-oh she thinks they’re a thing too huh

-Disney don’t do it I stg

-THANK u

-sylvie looks so annoyed girl me too

-even my cat’s confused

-I don’t wanna have any sympathy for ravonna don’t show me those stupid fuckin rings

-LMAO THE CLOCK IS PLAYING RAVONNA TOO

-why is this so funny

-knife buds

-I shouldn’t love him but I kinda do

-okay but they’re so funny just holding their knives to him

-I’m so sorry sylvie is so cute

-her little hair flips

-it’s a Loki thing

-he’s funny but I’m fairly certain I’m gonna hate him

-at least call her by her preferred name bitch

-MOBIUS MY KINGGGGG

-WHAT A BAD BITCH I FUCKIN LOVE YOU

-“one mans void is another man’s….piece of cake”

-SHES SO ANNOYEDFKSIFKS

-youre not sorry bitch

-LMAO B-15 YOU BAD FUCKING BITCH

-OMG OMG OMG PRINCIPAL NOT-RAVONNA IS SO HOT

-B-15 like I’ll expose the fuck outta your ass

-Loki I love you but this is obviously bigger than you think

-man’s a script writer omg

-ugh not him being a sylkie shipper

-man I hate u

-NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN IM TIRED

-right when they thought they could start doing their own thing and making their own decisions he’s like SIKE!!!

-I sad

-this bitch is exactly why I’m like meh on Christian god

-must be boring

-man I don’t want him to turn them against each other

-IS THIS A RELIGIOUS ALLEGORY

-ravonna is. A little unhinged

-‘an illusion conjured by the the weak to inspire fear. A desperate bid from control’

-I’m sorry but she sounds like cliche christians

-this is coming from a cradle Catholic

-why is this the mokius/Loki fight from ep 4 all over again

-she literally says crisis of faith

-mobius: hey I think this entire institution has manipulated us and I'm gonna try and figure out what's at the bottom of it

ravonna: lies to him, has him killed

ravonna: wow i cant believe he would betray me like that

-no bc its giving Aaron burr 'now I'm the villain in your history'

-its giving catra and adora in s1 when adora's like 'they're awful' and catras like 'yeah we been knew. How dare u not condone that'

-except I don't ship Mobius and ravonna

-I had to pause to write this rant

-she threatens to prune him again as if he wouldn't just go back to the void

-mobius: we can't take away ppl's free will

Ravonna: i disagree

mobius: where are u going

ravonna: in search of free will

-PICK A SIDE

-IM TIRED

-mobius being left ONCE AGAIN

-poor bitch

-everyone has evil clones just let shit happen

-why is it literally an entire religious allegory

-HW FOUND BABY ALIOTH

-im so confused

-what does the illusion of the time keepers do at all

-he fills the same spot as them either way

-is it anonymity?

-why doesn't he just kill all the bad variants of himself

-he sounds like a liar I don't trust him

-hes just an asshole

-why doesn't he offer ppl the option to work for the tva

-if he thinks they'll still work under Sylvie and Loki then he must think they'd help

-why does he look scared

-idk why but I'm real tired of all this

-time shit's confusing

-dude i just want lokius interaction

-NOOO NOT A SYLKIE FIGHT

-no I’m so ficking emo

-I want them to be besties

-“because you can’t trust. And I can’t be trusted”

-bro I’m sad

-I’m so sad ab Loki

-he’s trying so hard not to hurt her pls

-WAHHHHH

-I am going to SOB

-HE THREW HIS SWORD DOWN IM GOING TO CRY

-he’s GROWN SO MUCH

-LOUD CRYING

-that’s it I’m fucking logging out

-Disney I hate you

-I’m so fucking pissed

-I’m so tempted not to finish this episode I’m mad

-anger fills me from top to bottom

-NOT THIS AGAIN

-I am taking a moment

-are you SERIOUS

-man

-my exact words when she says ‘I’m not you’ were “AH fuck. GODdammit” but I need you to take the liberty of imagining the exhaustion in my voice

-bro I’m just so mad

-I’m like apathetic to the rest of the plot rn sorry

-I couldn’t care less ab this

-man I am so disappointed

-I’m sorry I just am

-does it really fuckin have to go like that

-god at least let me have one last Lokius moment

-Tom Hiddleston’s deliverance of that rant was so fucking good

-like. You can hear how truly fucked up he is about all this. We’ve never seen Loki like this

-I’m rly emo about it

-I’m actually going to kill marvel

-I am. Divorcing this show

-are you fucking kidding me

-no because fuck you

-FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

-I am SO ANGRY

-I am going to be pissed forever

-you fucking make MOBIUS FORGET HIM?? JUST LIKE THAT???

-GODDAMIR

-SO IS THIS MOTHERFUCKER KANG THE CONQUERER??

-I’m so tired

-I just want to take a long fucking nap

-I’m gonna spend the next few years pretending this episode doesn’t exist

-fuck everything man. I’m fucking mad I haven’t been this mad since I watched infinity war in theaters.

-with that I will be. Dying somewhere

[moonsstarss]

Euphemia Potter and Sirius Black

The first time Sirius went to James’ house, was in the second break from their first year. James was going home to his family and he had asked him mom if his new beste mate could come with him to join them for Christmas.

At first, Euphemia didn’t approve of it, having another 11 year old in their house while she wanted to celebrate Christmas with her small family. But after having heard James talk about how the boy had a bad home situation, she said yes to James’ idea.

Euphemia and Fleamont were carefull with the black haired boy. They knew he was vulnerable, (even tho Sirius claimed he wasn’t) They were carefull because he do, in fact, was a Black. But after having him at theirs for one night, they realized he really wasn’t like a Black, not at all.

Sirius was polite, he smiled and talked a lot. He was nice to both Euphemia and Fleamont and he cared a lot about their son.

The first moment Euphemia realised how bad Sirius needed a real mom, was when she walked in on the boy having a nightmare one night.

Sirius was breathing heavily. Whimpering and silcent tears walking down his small face.

Euphemia softly touched Sirius’ cheek as Sirius flinched awake. He sat up fastly, gasping for air and breathing fast.

“Shhhh, its alright sweetheart.”

Euphemia hugged the boy close, ignoring the flinches and his shaking body. Just talking softly to him, telling him it was alright.

“Everything will be alright, shhh, it’s okay.”

Sirius had stopped crying, feeling safe here.

The second time Sirius was at James’ home, was when he was around 16.

He had had an awfully huge fight with his mother and father. Being beaten up and his body still shaking from the curses.

When he made the Potters he collapsed on the grass of their garden. Feeling the blood drip from his body and every bone felt broken.

He was gasping for air heavily, trying to breath but not getting any air. He saw everything going black, letting out a last frustrated cry.

When he woke up he saw Euphemia bending over him, looking worried, sad and angry.

Sirius let out another cry, trying to say he was sorry but not getting everything out of his mouth.

“Its okay hun, I’ve already told James and Fleamont. We’re all mad at the Blacks and we’re letting you stay here for as long as we can, we’ll find a solution.”

Sirius’ eyes changed from scared till peacefull.

He was home.

Sirius’ his body still hurted a bit but he was doing better and better. The Potters had taken him in, he didn’t think he’s deserve it but they hadn’t listened to that and had said it should’ve always been this way. He was one of theirs.

Sirius heard a knock on his door.

��Sweetheart, James is getting the food at the store with dad, can you help me with preparing the dessert?”

Sirius knew this was honestly just a moment for Euphemia to be with him. She had been trying to be as much with Sirius as possible. Let the boy show he was safe, and theirs. Sirius didn’t mind.

“Coming!”

As Sirius walked downstairs he saw Euphemia was already melting some chocolate. She gave him a sweat smile as he smiled back, rolling up his sleeves and putting his hair in a loose bun.

“You can call me mom you know, I’ve told you thousand times, you never say it.” Euphemia smiled.

Sirius shrugged.

After half an hour Fleamont and James came back as Fleamont spoke.

“... so as I talked to Mia she asked about what you were doing and I told her you were with our other son and-“

Sirius interrupted.

“Uhm, Flea- no wait. Uhhh. Okay listen... I really appreciate you guys calling me your son and all but I’m still a Black and you have James and I’m not your son as much as I’d love to be..”

James, Fleamont and Euphemia looked at the boy.

The short boy with the black hair till his shoulders. The boy who tried to hide his feeling even tho he was falling apart. The boy who always got a bright blush when James called him his brother.

James smiled. “It’s alright bro, you are my bother honestly you’re not going to change that.”

Fleamont nodded as Euphemia gave him a hug.

Sirius hugged back, closing his eyes knowing he didn’t want I any other way, really.

The third time Sirius was at the Potters was when he stood at their door, well Euphemia’s door.

Fleamont had died from Dragon Pox, and James... He was hiding, hiding with the love of his life. Lily and James were safe, together with Harry.

Sirius used to be the secret keeper of James and Lily, but he had changed with Peter last moment.

Sirius hAd to tell someone, anyone who listened really. He couldn’t tell his friends tho... There was a spy in the middle of them and Sirius didn’t know who it was. It could be anyone. He had to tell someone who would definitely not tell anyone else.

Euphemia had be the first person Sirius thought of.

She was James’ mom and would never ever betray him.

Euphemia opened the door, pointing her wand at Sirius.

“What did Sirius say to me the first time he met me?”

Sirius smirked, it had been truly hilarious.

“Hello miss Potter, I’m James’ new friend and I would like to inform that James once peed his pants while brushing his teeth walking on his hands.”

Euphemia laughed, letting her boy in.

“What’s wrong honny?”

“Well...”

After having talked to her for hours, Sirius finally felt a little lighter. Sirius had felt weird but he whole situation and didn’t really know what to do.

“So Peter is the secret keeper?”

Sirius nodded.

“Merlin I made a mistake didn’t I.”

Sirius talked silently, his head in his hands, shaking furiously.

Euphemia pulled him in a hug.

“You did nothing wrong, and it’s gonna be alright.”

Sirius nodded.

Two weeks later everything went wrong.

Sirius had sent Remus to Euphemia after having heard nothing of Peter.

He was going behind him, making sure everything went alright.

Sirius arrived at Godrics Hollow, his stomach hurting from the nerves and his wand ready. As he walked around the corner he began to run, seeing the house of James and Lily.

He only began to slow down when he saw no lights shining. The house wasn’t a house anymore. Only ruins were left.

Sirius began to feel hopeless.

“N-no! JAMES!”

He ran towards the house, not bothering to look around for anyone watching.

“JAAAMES!!! LILYYYY!!!”

He ran inside as the first thing he saw was his best mate lying on the stairs, motionless.

“N-no... No please no- James.”

Tears streamed down Sirius’ face as he felt his stomach drop.

He fell over his best friend hugging his bother close.

He only realised he still had to be strong when he heard a soft sound coming from upstairs.

“L-LILY?!”

Sirius ran upstairs, a second heartbreaking sight crashing over him.

Lily lying in the ground.

“Fuck-“

Another wave of tears hit him as Sirius realised the two most important people were dead.

Sirius heard a cry. Harry.

Harry was still sitting in his little bed.

Sirius took him out as fast as he could. Hugging Harry as close as he could.

“S-shhhh, it’ll b-be alright P-prongslet.”

He heard a loud sound as Sirius drew his wand. Tears still streaming over his face, holding Harry tightly with his other arm, protecting him at all cost.

It only took a few seconds when Sirius saw Hagrid. The giant had a sad look on his face as he looked at Sirius, who began shaking his head, crying harder, stepping back.

“N-no no no, please no, not Harry.”

Hagrid looked at Sirius with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry, Dumbledore’s order. Said I should get baby Harry to take him to his aunt ‘n uncle.”

Sirius shaked his head, disbelief showing in his eyes.

“No but, but he’s everything I have- please...”

Hagrid stepped closer as he pointed his umbrella at Sirius.

“I don’t wanna do this.”

Sirius kept Harry close to his chest. Thinking about Remus and Euphemia.

He gave Harry a small kiss to his head.

“T-take care of him.”

Hagrid took Harry as he walked away.

Sirius stood there, a numb feeling in his chest, breathing heavily, tears still streaming down his face. Hagrid had taken his motorbike.

Sirius slowly walked out of the house, seeing dementors everywhere. His eyes grew as he started running, the dementors on his heels.

Sirius heard someone scream, “THERE HE IS! ITS BLACK!”

Lights fired beside him as Sirius casted a protection charm.

After what felt like hours of fighting Sirius proceeded to arrive at Euphemia’s, hoping she and Remus weren’t also dead.

“EUPHEMIA! OPEN THE DOOR PLEASEE...”

Sirius fell against the door. Just when he thought he wouldn’t take it anymore, the door opened.

Euphemia opened it, her eyes full of concern.

“Oh sweathear-“

“They’re dead... Pettigrew killed them and they’re after m-me. I DIDNT DO ANYTHING... Please...”

Remus walked up behind the two of them as Euphemia was holding Sirius close.

A group of people of the minestry came running towards them, they heard them scream in the distance.

“WHAT DO I DO.”

Sirius was screaming hopeless, everything falling apart and not knowing what to do.

“Keep him safe, p-please keep Remus safe, and make sure y-you’ll get to take care of Harry, he’s alive, t-they’re taking him to Petunia and Vernon. I love you and thank you for everything.”

“No Sirius-“

The people of the minestry got close, Sirius felt a hand grab his clothes.

He screamed, seeing Remus run into the house.

He felt a hand hit him as Sirius hit and knocked everything he could hit.

Screaming and crying.

“Let him go he didn’t do anything!”

Euphemia was screaming against the people, trying to get her son back.

“MOMM! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING PLEASE MOM HELP ME!”

Sirius stopped fighting back as saw even his Euphemia looked hopeless.

She stepped forward slamming the door behind her so Remus was safe.

“GIVE HIM A TRIAL! HES THE ONLY THING IVE GOT LEFT AND YOU WONT TAKE MY OTHER SON FROM ME! I WONT ADMIT BOTH OF MY SONS LEAVING IN ONE NIGHT, BESIDES, HES INNOCENT.”

The people of the minestry of magic stopped hurting Sirius as they loosened the grip, not letting go yet.

After what felt like hours Sirius was sitting in the middle of a large room. People of the hearing looking at him. He felt so small.

His body was hurting and he felt the bruise they aurors hit grow.

The Veritaserum he has gotten at the beginning of the hearing started to impact him and he felt like something was taking over what he was saying.

The minister was about to talk when he cought Euphemia’s eye, his mom smiled at him. Sirius have her a faint smile back.

“Tonight we gather around for the trial of Sirius Orion Black. Mister Black,” Sirius flinched as he heard the name. He hadn’t been called so since he was 16.

“Is it true that you were James and Lily Potters secret keeper?”

“Partly.”

“Partly?” The minister looked confused and mad.

“I was in the beginning, but we changed the secret keeper.”

“Ehhhjj- Okay who is the secret keeper now then mister Black?”

Again Sirius flinched.

“Peter Pettigrew.”

The whole hall was looking at Sirius.

After a short silence the minister spoke again.

“And we’re is, Peter Pettigrew?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“We found the finger of Pettigrew. It was the only thing left from him, you blew him up.”

“No, Pettigrew is an animagus, he transformed into a rat and ran away.”

“Why would Pettigrew be an animagus?”

“Be.... Because our friend Remus Lupin is a werewolf and because Pettigrew James Potter and I became animagus for him... It’s easier for animals to be with werewolfs...”

Sirius looked down, knowing Remus would be so mad... He looked at Euphemia, she gave him a comforting smile.

“Find Peter Pettigrew!”

Euphemia took Sirius home, his case had been dismissed, they were going to keep an eye on him untill they found Pettigrew but he was allowed to go home.

Sirius was crying softly, cuddled up by his mom in her car. Not able to wait to go home. To see Remus. He was exhausted.

Euphemia opened the door as Sirius ran inside.

Remus stood up instantly, running toward Sirius.

Sirius threw himself on Remus, tears and limbs everywhere. Remus let out a harsh laugh, keeping Sirius close as he cried as well.

Sunlight was slowly rising trough the windows. A new day had started.

Euphemia looked at Sirius, smiling softly as she wiped away a tear.

Her boy would be okay.

[thatasianstereotype]

Father, This Is Your Future Son-In-Law.

A short little side companion fic to my Adrien x Damian series. 

First: Fuck. I’m Gay. 

Second: Damn, You’re Looking Fine. 

Third: Shit. I Got To Deal With This Bitch (Again).

I’m still working on the fourth and final part of the series (it won’t be as long of a wait as Part 3). But I wanted to write how the Batfam reacted to their youngest suddenly getting a boyfriend while abroad. 

Creative liberties were taken. Also, this is a crack writing. 

The Demon Spawn who has gotten better at not attacking people at first sight but still just tolerates people. And his holier-than-thou attitude is still there with his love for throwing insults around like free candy. 

This is the kid that manages to snag a pure cinnamon roll sunshine as a boyfriend?

This angry grumpy child? 

Needless to say, the Batfam is in disbelief.

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.

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“What?” Bruce thought that the Teen Titans mission in Europe was done. “Why do you want to stay in Paris longer? Is something wrong?”

“No Father. I have simply found someone I wish to court. I will be spending time in Paris to see how best to present myself as an exceptional suitor that is all. Give my regards to Grayson that I will be missing Family Night but that I will make it up by introducing him to his future brother-in-law soon.” 

Bruce was too much in shock to answer when Damian hung up. 

“DICK!” 

“I think it’s cute that Dami is getting a boyfriend.” 

“Dick, you oblivious and naive child, you are completely missing the point.” 

Dick rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m pretty sure Damian isn’t actually going to marry someone right now.”

“He said ‘future brother-in-law’ inferring that this courtship he wants to initiate will end in a wedding.” 

“I think you are reading too much into this, B.” 

“And you are not reading enough. Have I taught you nothing at all?

“You taught me paranoia.” 

“I taught you to be prepared for every kind of situation.”

“Pretty sure the possibility of your 17-year-old son getting hitched in Paris can be ruled out.” 

“Where did I go wrong with you?” 

And Dick rolled his eyes once again at Bruce’s dramatic-ness. This. This is where Damian gets it from. 

.

Ever the peace keeper in this dysfunctional trainwreck of a family, Dick managed to stop Bruce from flying to Paris. But much to their frustrations (even Dick’s who wanted to know who captured his baby bro’s heart), Damian did not tell them the name of his potential boyfriend. 

.

All in all, Damian spent about two months and a half in Paris before coming back home to Gotham. And the Batfam could see a difference right away. 

Damian was happy. He smiled (it was a little one but it had Dick squealing in joy) more and he was more tolerate of his brothers and schoolmates. 

“We should’ve shipped him off to Paris earlier if he comes back like this.” 

Tim was still staring at Damian like he was an alien. The demon spawn still insulted him every other day but hasn’t threatened to kill him at all since he came back. No ripping out his intestines to feed to the vultures or throwing him off a building for the rats to feast on. It was nice. Although a little part of him felt slightly unnerving. He doesn’t have any contingency plans involving a Nice!Damian. 

Dick shook his head fondly at his little brother, taking away his coffee full of too much caffeine and replacing it with decaf. He has truly ascended to motherhood. “Well, I think it’s nice that Little D found love.”

“In the city of love. Is no one paying attention to that part?” Jason munched on one of Alfred’s cookies. “Cause I think that’s hilarious. I thought Baby Bat would’ve choked on all the happiness and bright clean air there.”

Dick whacked his arm. “Stop being mean to Dami.”

“But Dickie. It’s how I show affection.” 

.

Adrien Agreste was the son of the supervillain Hawk Moth that have terrorizing Paris for the last 3 years. Batman was not at all pleased to hear that the Parisian heroes called for help and the Justice League turned them away. People have paid for that. Dearly. 

“So his mom’s dead and his dad’s a criminal?” Jason looked over Bruce’s shoulder at the BatComputer. “Kid’ll fit right in with our family. Demon sure knows how to pick them.”

“Hnn.” Bruce grunted. 

“I mean with you dating Selina, a notorious thief and doing the thing with Talia, a very dangerously lethal assassin, it’s no wonder where your son got his taste from.” 

“Jason.” Bruce grunted in a warning tone. 

“I mean when I’m right, I’m right.”

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“Ok.” Tim started off tonight’s Family Meeting (excluding Damian), the topic being one certain ex-assassin’s love interest. “Looking further into the Agreste kid shows he clearly did not take after his villainous dad. He is one of Paris’ teenage models and have a huge fanbase dedicated to how pure and sweet he is. He is a literal walking ray of sunshine.” 

“How the fuck did that sunshine child tame our literal feral demon brother?” Jason said. Always the VIP asking the important questions here.

Tim actually had an answer for that. He pulled out several charts and data on his laptop and showed it to the others. “Looking further into Adrien, I have found evidence that he is the cat-themed superhero Chat Noir. Being a loveable and touch-starved kitten appealed to the demon brat’s almost non-existent affections.” 

“Timmy, Dami is capable of love.” Dick said in a disappointed voice. 

“I said almost non-existent, didn’t I?” Tim waved the Mom’s disappointment away. “But you guys have got to see this.” 

He pulled up a video of Chat Noir and Ladybug on the big screen. They watched him using his signature move: cataclysm. No one spoke for a few minutes as they processed the sheer destructive powers of the hero.

“You know what.” Jason broke the silence. “I have no more questions. I can kind of see how Agreste is the demon’s type.” 

What baby assassin wouldn’t be turned on by the literal godly destructive powers the baby kitten held in his hands? 

Dick, the only one wanting to keep things semi-PG here, smacked the back of his head. 

.

“Baby brother.” Cass greeted. She is back home from her Hong Kong trip and heard all about the famous Adrien Agreste. She thought it was adorable and that Adrien and Damian made a cute couple. 

“Hello, Cassandra.” 

She peered down at the list he was currently making. She gestured towards it with a confused look. 

“I am compiling a list of tasks that needs to be done before my Chaton and new sister-in-law come to Gotham. Only the best for them after all. 

Her eyes lit up. “New sister?”

“Yes. My mon amour’s sister will be our new one.” He pulled out a picture of her on his phone for Cass to see. “Her name is Marinette and she will be a fine addition to the family.” 

“Baby sister.” Cass said happily. She was always up for new family members. 

“Yes. I imagine you two will get along the best.” 

But she couldn’t help but notice that with all the preparations he is making, even if it is for his boyfriend and new sister, is a bit —how would Steph say it?— overkill. 

Her coal black eyes were sharp as she observed his body language. “You very serious on this. Why?” 

He can never hide anything from his sister. “I wish for them to have a good impression of our family so that their family will not be disincline to reject my proposal for marriage.”

“Marriage?” She was still quite unfamiliar with some words in English. 

“It means that you will be getting another brother too.” 

.

“We will wed.” 

Dick hasn’t even finished his cereal yet. He looked over at Damian’s serious expression. “Did you even ask him yet?” 

“I will present myself as an extraordinary suitor that he will be more inclined to say yes when I ask.” 

“At least you’re treating your man right.”

Damian took offense. “Why wouldn’t I treat my mon amour with anything but the upmost respect and love?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Little D. I’m just glad you’re in a good relationship and from what I can see, Adrien adores you very much.”

Damian smiled. “I adore my Chaton a great deal as well. Would you like to come with me to pick out a ring?

Dick could just hear Bruce’s voice in his head saying he shouldn’t be encouraging this. But come on, this was his baby brother who grew up learning how to hurt people finding a precious loving relationship for himself and he will be damned if he doesn’t support this. 

“Of course. I’ll be honored to help.”

His baby brother brightened before he launched into a rant. 

“I’m having trouble finding the perfect gem to complement his eyes. They are a certain shade of forest green you see. And many jewelry stores do me a great disservice by not having that certain shade or having utterly appalling quality for what my Chaton deserves.” 

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Taglist: 

@iglowinggemma28 @iz-bell-saiah @nach0ava @roselynfey @mochinek0 @wannajointhecrabcult

[fpjonesiii]

Ok, is Jugheads story batshit crazy? Yes. But it’s also Jugheads story, he’s narrating it so it’s more than likely mostly bs.

But the core of it is true, he was alone and isolated. He turned to alcohol and drugs and, on the day that should have been his best day turned out to be the worst. He cut the last string he had to Betty and so she never reached out again. He built no new connections, even Jess was just a companion laced in drugs and alcohol. She might have looked for him or it may have just been the hospital called when he was found and she showed up guilty she’d though he’d just gone away as per usual.

Every thing he had ever feared would happen to him did. He was alone, a college drop out and an addict just like his dad. The being eaten by rats seemed like an unnecessary thing but you move to nyc so what can you do bro.

But I guess no one can just just be mentally unstable in riverdale, you gotta have monoxide poisoning, or have your sister brutally murdered or be eaten by rats to truly get your ‘go straight to therapy, do not pass go’ card.

But (whether that was the intentional or not) I’ll give the writers it’s a interesting concept of juxtaposition between Betty and Archie’s memories or their trauma and Jugheads trauma some what stemming for him not remembering at all. It was mostly the hospital account and Jessica’s words. Granted he may have remembered when he went back into the sewer and read his book, which we could have seen him do? Why the monologue flashback?, but still there’s a whole chunk of his life he’s lost but those around him know. He’s no longer the keeper of his story it belongs to Betty and Jessica and “The Rat King” which ultimately isn’t that Jug heads real fear not being in control of the narrative isn’t that why he’s the narrator.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Mount Everest Ain't Got Shit On Us (Fezco x fem!reader, Part 1.)

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you'll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like the scary example of what will happen when you don't obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: Man, Fez is just my main bitch from Euphoria. I just adore him the most. His breakfast is consistent with Respecting Women Juice™️ and Keeping His Shit Together Juice™️. He might not be the brightest man around, but I think he's gentle and caring. Like hell.

A/N: The reader is around 17 to 18 years old, not further explained, attending high school. Rue and the gang are around the same age and since Fezco's age was never actually clarified, let's go with 23.

A/N: This takes place in a universe where Jules was away for a while, but after a few months she came back to Rue.

Warnings: Talking about drugs, drug addiction, smoking, drinking alcohol. You know. Basically the normal lives of today's kids.

Word count: 3 K +/-

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Ever since you were a kid, the adults always told you that you can be whatever you would like to be. When you were five, they lied to you - they told you that you can be a pirate or a princess, or an astronaut or a zoo animal keeper for that matter. 

When you were ten, they usually started to be critical to you just as you started as well. You slowly realized that being a plumber or a social worker is maybe the place you were supposed to be, you started to base your imaginations off the reality. 

When you were fifteen, it all came together - you knew what should you do, what is off your limits and what stays in your boundaries. You could still be something even if you weren't the smartest or the funniest in your class, or the best of bureaucracy. 

And when you go to college you most likely know what you'll do with your life - that you would be a nurse, a teacher, a biologist or you know that you will not go to college at all. Sometimes the young people didn't even continue to college. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. It simply happens.

But they were the other ones - the people who weren't destined to have a normal life. Those who dropped out of high school and just started to live by their own rules and who tried their best to go through life without some bigger problems. 

Your mums usually told you not to be dumb, not to hang out around these people, stay out of their presence and ignoring them as well as you could. But some of them weren't that bad, they weren't the garbage of the society as your mums told you. 

Every one of them had a reason to be as they were - usually it was a reality-based reason, something that made a perfect sense when explained, a serious social issue. You just had to ask them - some of them became gang members to help their family financially, others had committed prostitution, some of them were part of the black market with guns. Most of their fates circled around money. Money, the thing you need to survive in this cruel, cruel world. 

Love meant a lot to those who wanted it. But money mattered way more. You needed money to survive - it was to survive or to be killed. No other options were remaining. 

You lived in a small town since you were born. Everyone knew everything about everyone. It was just as simple as that. It took you by surprise when your parents told you that you'll be moving out of your birth town in the next few weeks to some strange suburb on the other side of America. 

You heard that it actually snows there during winter which was a pleasant change from the hotness of Arizona. Also, it was nearer to the bigger cities of the United States - and you were pumped to visit them with your mum and siblings or cousins. To shop, to see something new, to actually get some experience.

“It isn't that bad. I like this place.” - Your little brother Cal called out as he stepped out of the truck. You carefully took the box out, almost tripped because of you untied old Converse shoes you still wore even after they tore apart near the base. You had an old, rainbow t-shirt on, it basically hung on your body because of how oversized it was, it covered your Adidas shorts completely. 

“New boys. New girls. Fresh start. No history. I love it,” - Francis, your older sister, said out loud. She came out of the closet four years ago and since then, she has dated numerous girls and boys. She was going to attend local college but you were sure that sooner or later, she will introduce you to another love of her life. - “And what about you, my little bean? You feel comfortable out here?” - She hung an arm around your shoulder and you gave her a nod. 

You weren't exactly the happiest about moving out of the town you have known your whole life so well, but both of your siblings were right. The neighborhood seemed to be quiet, safe, clean and nice, just an ideal place to base a family life in. Bikes were thrown around, the kid's screams of amusement could be heard just as the birds sang and the wind around you felt wet and yet warm in a nice way.

“Come on, you golden trio. You are unpacking your things for what seems like a whole eternity! We brought some pizza and Thai if you want some!” - Your mom shouted out of the front door with a huge smile, holding the plastic bag as proof for you. 

“Go.” - Your sis patted your shoulder and got into the truck to shut the back door completely, preventing stealing. You did not wait for her, you looked at your legs, how the fresh green grass breaks under your feet and the soles of your shoes, being careful about not fall down. 

Your mum always told you to tie your shoelaces but you never really listened since you were a small kid. It resulted in a lot of falling down, bruises, abrasion and you crying loud. But you learned how to walk with your shoelaces undone. It was your own choice, after all, you chose not to tie them - and they told you all along that your life depends on what you want and what you don't want. 

Your parent always told you how easy it actually is to live in your generation - that you can use cellphones, that you can use the internet, that they are taking care of everything you could probably need. 

You thought about it a lot - and you came to an opinion. It was not easy at all. To live in your age. It felt more like surviving than living for real. The drugs were easily accessible for the younglings - even your big sis was a serious stoner back in your hometown and you knew that it will not take long her to find the local dealer and become friends with him. The cyberbullying was a serious issue that made a lot of people's life worse, the bullies could easily find your personal information, your old photos, they could make fun or a living nightmare of you and your life. And when your nudes leaked out? Holy shit, you were fucked like hell.

Yeah. You were a high-schooler. But let's face it - almost everyone who tried to make a move with someone or who was in a relationship had sent a nude at some point in their life. It was some kind of a norm for the children your age. 

You were constantly in danger thanks to the great internet and that was a fact. The adults tried to teach you how to behave on the internet... But truly, did any of you actually give a crap? Every one of us took it as bullshit, not taking them too seriously. Who was actually safe around you? Drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, cigarettes, money everywhere around you. 

It was so easy to become corrupted. Just like everyone around you. 

You were not that innocent at all as well - your big sis was really popular back in your hometown - she was truly smart, she was funny, she used drugs and smoked, drank regularly. She was invited basically to every party in the town. Some of them were wild, some of them were pretty muted thanks to weed and ecstasy which was always distributed there. 

You smoked at the parties and did some shots - that wasn't so bad. Kids your age did a way worse thing at those parties. 

Your mum and dad knew that you and your sis attended some parties but they didn't know that there were drugs and alcohol present. You were the Sunday church raised children after all (which didn't mean that your parents discriminated or turn their backs to their oldest child when she said she's into girls a lot), they trusted you.

They often laughed that they have done it too. Sure, you smiled usually, but did you see a girl who is dozed off after Lexauryne, have you felt the actual fear about her life? Have you ever seen what shit Valium or heroin does to someone? Have your friend almost jumped off the roof when they took too much LSD? But you never said anything out loud. 

You have seen things. But everyone did. It wasn't easy to be a teenager in your age. 

Every one of your friends slowly became one of those types your parents always warned you about - at least a part of them was just like the people they talked about to scare you off. Maybe you were one of those people as well. What could you know?

You had your dinner with the typical witty sense of humor of your parents and the usual bickering between you, your little bro and older sis. You felt safe at those moments, away from reality, just chilling with your fam. 

The next morning was your first actual day of school after a weekend of moving in. Your dad went to his new workplace for the first time and your sis and your mum stayed home to continue with unpacking.

"You should get up or you seriously will not go to school on time." - Your mum peeked into your room and you just mumbled something in response when Fran took your bed with her monster attack as you called, tickling you, kissing you into your hair and laughing along with you.

"Get your lazy ass off the bed, ma's right. I'll ride you to school." - She laughed and laid next to you, looking you in the face. You smiled at her, smoothed your hair and yawned. - "Ah shit, you thought about that again, didn't you? You'll be just fine. This is a good neighborhood, ma and pa told us yesterday. Nobody will shove a knife on your neck and threaten you to do drugs or take your money. Nobody will take your pics while you pee. I swear. You'll be alright, baby girl." - She kissed your forehead tenderly.

Fran always said that you worry about too many things. And she often said that you're way more adult than she'll ever be. But she didn't forget to mention that it's harming you a lot in a way.

"So that's how you make girls fall for you. I see it now." - You teased her. She took a pillow and smacked your head with it. But she laughed. Then Fran stood up and stopped at your door to take a last good look at her baby sister. - "Get your lazy ass up and have some good breakfast. We have something about forty-five minutes before you, I and the last shithead would have to go. Go get 'em, tiger!" - She yelled and clapped her hands, letting you alone.

You got the smallest room - Fran demanded the one on the second floor, saying it was for her study purposes. She lied. It was the only room with a balcony and she needed to smoke weed somewhere. Your brother had the second room because he could be a little brat and a pain in the ass sometimes. So you and your parents had the room on the first floor.

But you liked it. It was easier to make it comfortable and you could open a big window to look out on the street. And you had a big bed nonetheless so you were just fine about your new room.

You better did what Fran said - took some of your other shorts from your wardrobe, then you took out your favorite Lion King oversized t-shirt with Rafiki printed on it and you completed with a big ass hoodie which reaches up to the middle of your thighs. You put on some high socks on because you loved the look of them rolled down to your Converse shoes.

You cleaned your face and brushed your teeth and hair, putting it into a bun which was all over the place as always, then you tried to make your face more appealing with some eyeliner and mascara but in your eyes, you looked like a mess. You put your old, torn apart but trustworthy backpack over your shoulder and took off to the kitchen. Everyone was already eating, dad reading the news on his phone as he always used to.

"I don't want bacon!" - Cal yelled almost frantically and that almost freaked the living hell out of you. He loved bacon. What was his deal?

"What is it, young man?" - Mum asked and looked at him. Thanks to Fran's shit-eating grin you knew that she's the one responsible.

“I must declare that I am a proud vegetarian from now on.” - Cal said with a serious face and you just burst out of laughing. Cal was always like that. Smart pants. But he never was socially awkward. He just used some words that were too complicated for a boy his age.

“Oh really?” - You mum asked with a surprised face, watching all of you with her witty jokes prepared face. - “And why is that? Y/N will love to have some more bacon.” - And so it was. Another three slices to your empty, hungry stomach. Maybe Cal's sudden vegetarianism had some plusses to it. 

“Fran told me that it will make me more appealing in front of the girls. And I am a ladies man.” - Cal told with a serious face and that was the moment Fran’s grinning face bursted out of laughter as well. 

“You're also only thirteen years old, pal. No girls until you're at least sixteen. But you do you.” - Your dad said all of a sudden. You loved them so much it sometimes took you by a surprise. 

Then, when the breakfast was over, you went out to your sister’s car. Your dad had one and Fran was given your mum’s car. Your ma said shell take the bus to work so it's ok for Fran to have her own car to do her business with. 

“Okay, shithead one and shithead two. Are you ready for your first venture to the big, scary world?” - Fran joked and waves to ma when you were doing your seatbelt on the co-driver’s side.

“Bring it.” - You said, turning the radio on. It was a station you didn't know, some new hip hop songs. But it was enjoyable, so you just let it play, rolling the window down, leaning your crossed elbows into it. You were aware that your hair will be even messier after that, but you wanted to feel the actual atmosphere and energy of your new hometown.

You felt free from your burdens once again - the hip hop was almost screaming out of your car, the air felt cold between your hair and the sun shined on your skin gently. You were watching the new, strange people who lived there, walking in schools direction, groups of friends, some alone kids, some kids were riding bikes. 

It seemed to be like your old home yet it didn't feel like it. Something was just out of its place and weren’t sure if you can put that thing back. 

The car slowly drove next to some gas station or a small shop, you couldn't tell. But something caught your eye - a boy standing with his back turned to the car, in a long sky blue shirt with some clouds painted on it, jeans and a seriously short hair which color you couldn't figure out. You stuck your head out of the window, inhaling that view until you could. 

Something drawn your eyes in his direction, something told you that you should watch him. He was smoking, that was for sure, and moving his hands, probably talking with someone. 

The boy slowly disappeared because of some other building but you would swear that he turned in your direction as well. The air you were holding in slowly came out of your lungs as you slowly leaned to your seat. Francis was watching you but remained silent, just smoked her cigarette with her right wrist out of her window.

When the car stopped, Cal was almost immediately out of it, saying goodbye to you and Fran, but you remained there, leaning more and more down, trying to be invisible for the others.

“Chop chop, out of the car. You will have a great first day at your new school and you will find some friends.” - Fran told with a smile, smoothing your naked knee with her palm. 

“How can you know?” - Your gaze fell on the big hall leading to the main entrance, to all of those strange people there. That didn't feel right. You were scared for your life - new surroundings, new people, new feelings. How many of them tried some drugs? Will you even find someone to be friends with? The feeling inside you felt like exploding, the unsureness, the unknown, the fear. 

“Because I know your little bratty ass since the fucking day youve been born, dumbass.” - She laughed and undid your seatbelt, opening the door for you. - “Show those bastards who you are and that you are not afraid.” 

And with that, you got up and watched as Fran waved you and took off in her car. And you felt lost.

[fugandhi]

Why We Rise (A Meditation on Humanity)

by Adam Kenichi Wekarski

The time has come for me to write about Christopher Nolan’s Batman Trilogy (and why it is the most important cinematic franchise of our time). *Please purchase & view the franchise in it’s entirety prior to reading this independent essay. Spoilers are No Fun for Anyone. SUPPORT The STORYTELLERS*

Although it’s a story derived from a comic book, this is not a movie franchise to be taken lightly (or for granted for that matter). Christopher Nolan’s film, “Memento” was the first work he had accomplished that I had ever seen (back in the Blockbuster days - ahem, VHS RULES!) and it is still spinnin’ my mind after all this time. Christopher Nolan ALWAYS delivers some form of ground-breaking excellence in his work - his ‘Dark Knight’ Franchise is no exception.

When one thinks of Batman, it’s very easy to consider the various forms (literature, animation, cinema, video games, etc) of said character (God Bless You, Adam West! R.I.P., Good Sir!). SO many INCREDIBLE & [BEYOND] TALENTED folks have, not only performed as the character, but have helped in shaping this character’s Monumental & Positive Imprint on contemporary society (worldwide).

I still believe Christian Bale is one of the most under-appreciated performers of our time. I first saw him in the Dark Comedy, “American Psycho” (DUDE! Holy Smack-a-RONi! Totally Bonkers & Viciously frightening). I still can’t believe he did not receive an Academy Award nomination for that performance (for shame, HollyWould). As much as I love Tim Robbins (SHAWSHANK, BaBY!), Christian Bale is one of the greatest actors of all time (100% WITHOUT A DOUBT). He plays Bruce Wayne PERFECTLY (TOTALLY the BEST Bruce Wayne OF ALL TIME! DONE! NO ARGUMENT! END-ALL-BE-ALL..”..Been there, Done that - got the album, Bought the Tee-shirt..NEXT” (Ricky Gervais, The Office [UK]). CHRISTIAN BALE DESERVED AN ACADEMY AWARD FOR “The Dark Knight Rises” - I’M SAYING IT - HE DID SUCH A PERFECT PERFORMANCE in (Yeah ALL Caps) this entire franchise. I need to address that because so many folks seemed to be swept-up in their own distractions as viewers (Yeah we get it, he disguised his voice with a growl - get over it, ya’ll). He seems to be a good person (‘seems’ being the operative word) & I’ve read about his efforts in his life off-screen (You are a Good Man, Sir) when the cameras are not around. I have a belief that it’s good for people to appreciate those ‘moments-of-truth’ more often (just one person’s opinion, take it or leave it).

Speaking of ‘moments-of-truth’ - This story (spanning across three EPIC films) is the ultimate moment-of-truth for Sir Christopher Nolan (Why Not?; He actually is CBE apparently; Respect) and his AMAZING Production TEAM’s collective efforts. So many people put their well-being on the line to make these stories happen (some even, their lives, Rest in Peace) and I believe this franchise deserves ALL of the Success & Recognition & Praise (and honestly, Time) for the awe-inspiring efforts put forth (in regards to cinematic storytelling). This is a franchise for the fans (due to how well it honors the source material & simultaneously manages to elevate the art-form).

Bruce Wayne is one of the most important modern characters of our time. Not since the days of Jesus Christ, himself, has there even been someone who sparked a universal impact (sorry ‘Supes’ - You & Ol’ ‘Batsy’ are Tied in my book) upon average people worldwide. Granted - Bruce Wayne is NO Jesus (there can only be one), however, his life’s journey is a true Test of Faith, which is a universal lesson that I firmly believe Jesus Christ was attempting to spread in his message of good faith towards one another.

Bruce Wayne (played by Christian Bale & Gus Lewis, respectively), as it is now [mostly known], was born an heir to The Wayne Family, an age-old empire in modern society (Gotham City, U.S.A.). In Christopher Nolan’s particular take on this (now-classic) SuperHero story - Reality is the cinematic setting.

“Batman Begins” is Nolan’s homage to Richard Donner’s “Superman”, having been THE standard for comic book movies (since the late 1970’s if I’m not mistaken). Having obviously been a fan of Donner’s work (Gee, who isn’t?) - it’s an obvious source-of-influence for the first installment in Christopher Nolan’s Perfect Epic.

When I had first discovered the news that Christopher Nolan was Warner Bros. Studios’ choice for a brand new Batman reboot - I have to admit I was VERY optimistic. After having seen “Memento”, and his work with that incredible team - I was very, very optimistic that for ONCE the Batman universe was going to be actually depicted like it is in the comic books (at least the ‘80s Batman Comics - Hello Dark & Gritty Vibes). Considering the mental intensity of “Memento” (and how linear-storytelling-need-not-apply) - I was absolutely curious to see how well the story would finally be done on-screen (with all due respect to Tim Burton & Joel Schumacher & All previous efforts achieved in the known story-telling community). After all is said and done, this franchise is a ‘Grand Slam’.

Christopher Nolan’s version of Milton “Bill” Finger’s (Bob Kane took all of the credit for Bill’s work; for shame) story of Bruce Wayne/Batman is the most inspiring work I’ve seen achieved on the concept (and characters) to this day. With the initial tone set in the first film - we find a young Bruce Wayne as a child - simply playing in the Wayne family’s garden with his best (& childhood) friend (and one of the most important characters in the franchise): Rachel Dawes (played by Katie Holmes, Emma Lockhart, and Maggie Gyllenhaal, respectively). Bruce & Rachel establish the innocence of childhood (and of our main protagonist) with the playful phrase, “Finders Keepers” which is followed by young Bruce falling into an old dried-out well (which then traps him into a slight crevice, filled with Bats).

As we discover in this story, the symbol of Batman has a rather deeper meaning to Bruce Wayne than what had been initially expected (unless if you’re a fan of the comics). When the first film starts to take form, we find Bruce Wayne lost in the depths of ‘hell’ as an adult man. Having been an heir to a Family’s Kingdom (so-to-speak), Bruce Wayne had lost his Mother & Father; Martha & Thomas Wayne (SUCH Good People) at a tragically-early age, having their lives taken by a lost soul in the dark of night (a reality known, all-too-well, by our own collective experiences as a contemporary society).

Martha & Thomas Wayne establish the core values that help shape Bruce Wayne as an Individual. Their Leadership, their knowledge, their wisdom, their love (their faith). All of their finest attributes shine a light on how the community - the city of Gotham (and their actions as people) help shape said community. Without their Faith, Bruce Wayne’s immediate world probably wouldn’t have even been established for him (perhaps). It is that faith that is the driving force of this franchise, and the greatest tragedy of this film is, indeed, the blatant & cold-blooded murder of Martha & Thomas Wayne. Ya know, they were really good people in terms of their contributions to their household & community & their lives, and they truly cared about their impact on the world (in a greater sense).

With such care, they made important choices (that had an effect on everyone in Gotham, regardless of outlook). Choices that made a necessary difference in, not only their home, but in their overall world. Gotham may be fictional, but I will let the fantasy play and I will acknowledge the tremendous amount of detail put into these stories that went unnoticed in the initial ‘life’ of this franchise’s release. Having said that - Unless if memory serves inaccurate, this film received a lot of unwarranted criticism for the realistic depiction of modern violence (due to the UNGodly public shooting(s) that have been taking place in our country; I acknowledge the real-life tragedies, but also acknowledge the importance of artistic vision). I say unwarranted due to the fact that Christopher Nolan managed to hold up a mirror and we need to pay close attention (and look beyond the glamour & simulated violence), and this was accomplished well-before Todd Phillips’ incredible film “Joker” had been produced (which drew plenty of inspiration from Nolan’s signature style and Heath Ledger’s actual development of said character; Joker’s Journal).

At the core of this story is Faith.

Faith is what was instilled in Martha & Thomas Wayne (and their lessons with Bruce as a boy). Alfred Pennyworth (played Beautifully by Sir Michael Caine in a Nomination-worthy performance for Best Supporting Actor in my humble opinion) is the reinforcement to protect the Wayne Family’s Honor & Good Name. On the surface, Mr. Pennyworth is Bruce Wayne’s Butler, however, when he’s not maintaining the Wayne fortune, he is ‘the guiding light’ (no pun intended) in Bruce Wayne’s Journey (despite the efforts of various opposition). While Rutger Hauer (rest his soul; “BLIND FURY”!!! YES!) had set the tone for what was to come later in young Bruce Wayne’s life (at the funeral for Martha & Thomas Wayne) - it becomes abundantly clear that Bruce Wayne has quite the journey ahead of him in his life (with plenty of whom have pre-developed plans & agendas to seize Wayne Enterprises for their own gain).

Bruce Wayne, born of a Mother & Father, heir to “the throne” (as it were), and thriving billionaire, one day decides to leave it all behind. It’s a moment of internal crisis for our protagonist due to the severely traumatic act of witnessing the death of his own parents (while almost being murdered himself). I know a lot of people think Kal-El (aka ‘Superman’, aka ‘Clark Kent’) is the end-all be-all of Superheroes (myself included), however, after a retrospective look back at Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy it becomes abundantly clear just how much credit this franchise did NOT receive from the critics & the artistic community (Hi, Academy. I’m lookin’ at ya’ll). Despite the worldwide acclaim, I believe this franchise was well ahead of it’s time in terms of the most important aspect of the entire achievement - The Story.

This is a franchise fully-devoted to the story and that is a significant contributor to the success of this version of Batman. I grew up watching old reruns on TV of Adam West & Burt Ward going around and ‘CLEANING-SOME-CLOCKS’ as it were (POW! ZAM! KLAM! CHOWDAH!), and I always hold that version near-and-dear to my heart because I still think the early 1960’s version of Batman was really fun & really awesome & an absolute delight. Plain & simple. ..Granted - as time continued and the characterization of Bruce Wayne (and his alter-ego “Batman”; His Armor; His Protective Shield) had advanced & developed into a new ground (conceptually-speaking). The core values of who Bruce Wayne is, where he comes from, and Why he does [what he does] did not truly become profoundly-realized for me until I’d say when the Animated series (1990’s! DUDE still one of the best Animated Series I’ve ever seen; like ‘a fine wine of cartoons’). “The Mask of The Phantasm” is still one of the best Batman stories I’ve ever seen - Such an incredible origin story for Bruce Wayne - and definitely one of the best animated, full-length features I had ever seen as a kid (Not to discount Tim Burton’s gothic-induced-dream-like version of the knight’s tale).

With Christopher Nolan’s contribution to the overall storyline of Batman - we truly have a Masterpiece Trilogy before us (as audience members). Nolan’s take on Batman is truly like no other (even surpassing efforts that preceded the franchise) in that he actually provides a glimpse into what it would look like if the fantasy actually became a reality. Christopher Nolan achieves that goal (Ten-fold) with this trilogy.

In the first film - what we know about Batman becomes hyper-realized with the emphasis on Bruce Wayne’s life in modern-day America (Gotham City being the quintessential metropolitan All-American city). An America that has succumbed to an overall tone of darkness & hopelessness (with the reality of tangible corruption & streets of truly deadly conditions) which has reached a pinnacle-of-suffering for the good people of Gotham (and perhaps, rippled outward into the rest of the world).

Jim Gordon (played PERFECTLY by Gary Oldman, one of the finest performing actors ever to be on screen), a symbol of Gotham’s defeated Law Enforcement, patrols the streets of Gotham City each night. Jim Gordon is one of the key individuals that Bruce Wayne reaches out towards (in his pre-Knight regalia) in the first stages of ‘Batman Begins’. Jim Gordon was the person who wrapped the coat around (a young) Bruce Wayne’s shoulders after his parents had been needlessly-murdered right before his very eyes. Jim Gordon was the one who kneeled to Bruce’s level, acknowledged his loss, and gave him that moment of kindness & warmth & honest-to-God decency. He acknowledged Bruce’s sorrow & loss with grace. He gave him a moment of simple human decency & kindness for the sake of kindness itself.

Jim Gordon’s kind gesture is merely a moment in time, which made all the difference for a young kid who just needed someone to simply be there for him. A moment that showed Bruce Wayne that Goodness & Human Decency can & does still exist in the world despite a traumatically-life-changing tragedy. Jim Gordon’s simple, nearly effortless act, is a sign that people Do honor good faith (and people who truly deserve it) and the good Do get rewarded.

I really like the character Bruce Wayne. I think he’s a better character than most that I’ve ever seen, especially since he actually has character. It’s a shame that people can not see beyond the surface to find the deeper meaning of this story. Bruce Wayne’s [incredible] journey takes place all over the world. When we find him in ‘..Begins’, he is locked up in the ominous mountains of Bhutan. His home now a desolate wasteland of an existence due to his loss. His tragedy (despite Jim Gordon’s act of kindness) had lead him astray and brought him across the other part of the world (only to discover what it truly means to suffer in poverty & hunger & pain & strife & darkness without any means of comfort). As the story unfolds, it becomes clear that Bruce’s path is the ‘path-of-most-resistance.’ Rather than succumb to a frivolous, meaningless, and hollow existence - Bruce Wayne took the path rarely taken. He chose his own path, to earn his own personal truth, his own story to be lived & known (and eventually discovered by Gotham City).

When Bruce meets an unusual individual by the name of ‘Ducard’ (aka Ra’s al Ghul; aka Liam Neeson; Also played simultaneously by the honorable Ken Watanabe, respectively) in his own ‘personal hell’, Ducard feeds into Bruce’s fall from the path of grace (and his spiritual confusion). Ra’s al Ghul/Ducard is only interested in one thing: controlling Bruce Wayne. As Ra’s al Ghul is the quintessential ‘Handler’, or ‘Hypnotist’ of Bruce Wayne in the training period for Bruce Wayne’s spiritual journey - it becomes evident with each effort from Wayne that Ra’s al Ghul represents The Devil (aka ‘The Prince of Darkness’, ‘Satan’, ‘Lucifer’; The ‘Shadow Side’ of Saturn; See “Yikes!”; See “YOWZA”; See “Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife”; No Disrespect To The Coven; See Not My Lord; See God Protect Me).

From the moment we first-see Ra’s al Ghul - he is shrouded in darkness - lurking in the shadows within each unseen corner of the world - the proverbial serpent of the shadows (so-to-say). In a manner of speaking, Ra’s al Ghul is merely one of many faces throughout the story that showcase the forces of darkness in this particular cinematic legacy (from the depths of darkness, here to possess the living). Ra’s al Ghul attempts to indoctrinate Bruce Wayne (in Bad Faith) in the Bhutanese abyss; a wasteland for the damned (and where the death of hope thrives amidst the stone-prison-walls). Despite Ra’s al Ghul’s efforts - Bruce Wayne not only proves to be the most-prominent under-study of the cult (while being initiated into a secret society; a clandestine fraternity; a subversive order of assassins following an ancient practice (unknown & unseen by the blissful light of day).

Bruce Wayne’s prominence during his training cycle with ‘The League of Shadows’ (an appropriate title) shows us that he surpasses even Ra’s al Ghul’s expectations: showing how the student becomes the teacher (by upholding an authentic approach to having a Personal Moral Code & Justice & Ethical Values). Bruce Wayne is not only faster, stronger, and smarter than Ra’s al Ghul - Bruce Wayne is also wiser. Due to Wayne’s parents (and his friendships) he truly is ‘the shining example’ of true justice that Ra’s al Ghul has yet to achieve in life (due to his obsessive wrath).

Having destroyed the League of Shadows’ initiation grounds & temple of darkness - Bruce Wayne LITERALLY SAVES RA’S AL GHUL’S LIFE. ‘True Colors’ does not even begin to define such a moment for our protagonist (that’s a true sign of Mercy).

Despite Bruce Wayne saving Ra’s al Ghul’s life, afterwards the dude STILL tries to come back and kill Bruce AND Gotham City (Showing how The Devil has No Mercy for Anything, Anyone, or Anywhere and is just flat-out unwilling to acknowledge when something good actually does happen). Granted, at the end of “Batman Begins” we discover how Martha and Thomas Wayne were murdered as a direct result of Ra’s al Ghul & The League of Shadows (and their hatred for all things Gotham City & Western Civilization). It’s a diabolical reveal that the devil holds nothing sacred in the sanctity of human life. The devil will literally kill an angel after having been saved by said angel. In fact, Bruce Wayne’s own personal brush with death is (tragically) a common concern of not only Alfred, but Lucius Fox (played exquisitely by one Morgan Freeman), a former Board-Member & former colleague of Thomas Wayne (prior to his passing).

Bruce shows us that good people typically make a lot of good friends and have good people looking out for one’s best interest (no matter their walk of life). The most awe-inspiring truth of Bruce Wayne/Batman is that his ‘best interest’ is preserving & honoring the good faith of his community and the people in his life (including his ancestors, mind-you, as well as the herculean guidance of one Alfred Pennyworth). Without friends - life goes nowhere - that’s a universal truth. Bruce Wayne nearly died so many times in this trilogy and I don’t think people appreciate that aspect of these movies. This is an individual who literally put his life on the line to save the soul of the city he loves (wanting nothing other than a good, normal, & happy life). I know people only fixate on ‘the How’, but I think ‘the Why’ is the most important element of Bruce Wayne’s fictional example.

Bruce Wayne (as all of us) exists for a reason. His life (albeit fictional) does have an important purpose in the grand scheme of things (as one puts it).

Of course, this reason is emphasized (more & more) by his best friend, Rachel Dawes (among others). It’s a shame that Katie Holmes did not portray Rachel Dawes in both of the first two films, however, I found it to be very impressive [just] how smoothly Maggie Gyllenhaal performed as the character. It’s one of the rare instances in which a character is portrayed by two different performers who both managed to bring an equal amount of dignity & respect to said character. Katie Holmes & Maggie Gyllenhaal should both be applauded for their contributions & performance(s) as the grown-up portrayal of Rachel Dawes.

Rachel Dawes is the positive-female-influence in Bruce Wayne’s life (complimentary to that of Alfred Pennyworth’s positive-male-influence; or non-gender-specific-neutral-influence? Sure, why not) that is necessary to develop his respect & honor towards women (which is a necessary element of chivalry). Chivalry is not dead in America: The examples set before us can be found within our own real-life society (I shall go into that more later..).

More important than Rachel Dawes’ positive influence on Bruce Wayne is her genuine friendship (since their childhood). Rachel is not interested in taking advantage of Bruce or using him for her own personal gain. Rachel Dawes genuinely cares about Bruce Wayne and how well the quality of his life (as well as the life of the community) have grown. Rachel Dawes shows Bruce what is occurring in the streets of Gotham on a daily basis. Rachel is living, breathing, working, and seeing what has become of Gotham City - a limping giant of a once-prominent-city (Modern-Day America in a nutshell). Rachel Dawes reminds Bruce Wayne of the importance of Good People Taking Ownership of One’s Community. She reminds him that life is not only about one’s own personal pain, but alas, the collective pain of which a community must endure & resolve (as a said community) with good faith; “It’s not about who you are underneath, it’s what you do that defines you.”

In the second act of Nolan’s Cinematic Epic, “The Dark Knight” - Bruce Wayne encounters the tangible result of Newton’s Third Law: for every action there is an equal (or greater) reaction; hence ‘The Joker’ (played enormously by the late Heath Ledger; Rest in Peace).

The Joker is the response to Bruce Wayne’s actions in the first act, and in every way, he is Bruce Wayne’s exact opposite (albeit opposites, their life paths are balancing on the same proverbial axis of existence). Bruce Wayne is a reflection of light while The Joker is a product of darkness (Negative Energy, Pessimism, Hate, Evil, Unhappiness, Pain, Suffering, Misery, Torment, Violence, & Trauma). While Batman is the answer to corrupt forces in Gotham City - The Joker is the reaction to The Bat-Man.

The Joker is the continuation of opposing forces attempting to infiltrate Bruce Wayne’s life & community (as would a specter in the shadows, a spider in the darkest reaches of lunacy; a.k.a. the absence of faith, the inversion of angels; i.e. Demons, Demonic Entities, Dark Deities, etc). The Joker represents everything evil in society - everything sick, everything sad, everything hurt. To The Joker (and the fools before him) - society is an infestation, a plague, a result of toxicity & corruption (especially the light of which darkness cannot fathom). Batman is the antithesis to Joker’s Chaos. Batman is the collective honor & balance of civility & justice & good faith quantified into one symbolic rogue.

Heath Ledger’s performance of Joker was nothing short of awe-inspiring artistry & workmanship (WorkPERSONship?). His passing was a needless tragedy and although his performance garnered him numerous accolades - I wish he did not have to die in order to attain it (It should have been him accepting the award - it should have been him). Without a doubt, an equal to Joaquin Phoenix’s performance (if not Superior) - I still acknowledge Heath Ledger’s ground-breaking performance as a perfect triumph of Acting (although I think the character is absolutely distorted on all accounts; despite Joker’s persuasive wit).

Many people like to compare Joaquin Phoenix & Heath Ledger’s performance(s) as The Joker (folks compare everything in life), and I think both performances stand strongly on equal ground. Total Perfection. No doubt about it - and one kinda goes with the other if you were to align the vision side-by-side. Of course I love me some Jack Nicholson in Tim Burton’s “Batman” - I think he gave an undeniably frightening & charismatic performance just as Ledger & Phoenix (proof of the character’s universal & artistic appeal). Although Heath Ledger’s performance shall always be praised as a definitive milestone in Acting on Film - I still think the character is a twisted f**k (pardon my American).

Not only does Joker attempt to destroy Bruce Wayne’s personal Faith, but also everyone he cares about in his life, and everyone in the entire city of Gotham, USA. The pitiful tragedy of Joker’s existence is the sad truth that he lacks good faith in not only himself, but the people of Gotham, and the one individual who is genuinely trying to make a good difference in the world: Bruce Wayne.

It is a tragedy & a disgrace to humankind that Rachel Dawes & Harvey Dent (played by the Always-Excellent Aaron Eckhart) died in vain (as Thomas & Martha before them). It’s a sin that the Joker did what he did to everyone in Gotham City. It’s unGodly that so many human beings had to lose their lives, needlessly, just because of one individual’s own loss of innocence, and more specific, his loss of personal faith in his life (and in the world, of which, we live). The reason why Joker is dangerous is because he is the quintessential ‘mass shooter.’ He is the terrorist. He is the result of a society that has forgotten him. He is the reason why so many people struggle & suffer in contemporary society - not because he caused it, but because he fed into it - preying on the life force of humanity & destroying the efforts of truly good people who kept striving to save the soul of humanity (within the framework of a struggling eco-system).

If Bruce Wayne did not have friends he would have been dead in the first act of the story - that is a fact. When Dr. Jonathan (Not ‘Frasier’) Crane (aka ‘The Scarecrow’) had attacked Batman (in ‘Begins’) with the weaponized hallucinogens, Bruce Wayne was almost killed. If it was not for Alfred Pennyworth & Lucius Fox, Bruce would have been dead in the streets of Gotham. The consistent importance of Friendship is quite evident when thinking of Bruce Wayne’s network of acquaintances (both in ‘high’ & ‘low’ places) in the city of Gotham. This also applies in the opposite, with Bruce becoming an important (and powerful) friend to certain individuals of Gotham City (in return).

Friendship is a universal quality of humanity that should be cherished & honored. Friendship, like everything, requires effort. Bruce Wayne’s life requires effort even though he is a “billionaire playboy” - he still has struggles just like anyone else, and he shares the struggle with his friends (since they became a sort of surrogate family; more like extended-family; legal & spiritual guardians). Bruce Wayne is a fictional example that no one is free from life’s struggle and life’s personal challenges & lessons (no matter the ‘advantages’ or ‘upbringing’). It’s a sign of brilliance on behalf of the conceptual team behind the vision of The Dark Knight Trilogy. I know a lot of people focus on the action sequences and the drama of the theatrical dance of Light & Dark play out on screen in the form of the Batman & the Joker, but beneath the surface is a sincere sociological & political commentary (and spiritual message).

The Light & The Dark (i.e. Positive & Negative, God & Lucifer, Heaven & Hell, Angels & Demons, the Good & the Bad vibes, The Upward Infinity & The Downward Spiral, etc, etc, etc): it is at the fundamental core of our collective balance of existence; Life as we know it to be. It is my humble understanding that the eternal balance is a necessary process, it requires effort on both sides. Both Light & Dark must cooperate to preserve the equinox-of-existence (just one person’s opinion based off of observation & objective analysis, take it or leave it).

The death of Bruce Wayne’s best friend, Rachel Dawes, was not only a tragedy in Bruce’s life, it was a tragedy for innocence. She was so angelic & kind & giving & honorable & brave - her Faith is what helped Bruce remember his childhood innocence (before he was robbed of said innocence), and her last words (which were concealed from Bruce due to desperate-times-call-for-desperate-measures; see Alfred Pennyworth), she continued to spread the message of Good Faith in Humanity despite the fact that she was needlessly murdered. A defining attribute of Rachel Dawes’ character is one-in-the-same as Martha and Thomas Wayne - the Belief & Faith in Humanity despite the monumental heartache & loss (and yes, trauma & death).

If one recalls the time in the first act when Alfred was bringing Bruce Wayne back from the mountains of Bhutan - Alfred briefly mentions how Bruce Wayne’s ancestors’ tireless efforts to keep their community alive (even at the worst of times) nearly made them bankrupt. It was their tireless dedication (their faith) that paved the way to set a foundation for future generations to prosper (while honoring the efforts of said ancestors). Although their example did not improve Gotham’s economic prosperity overnight, the murder of Martha & Thomas Wayne set the wealthy of Gotham into action (as the story goes).

Bruce Wayne comes from a long lineage of helpers. Helpful People who are Good. People who want to see the best results out of humanity’s efforts (as a whole). People who believe in the power of the individual, and the social end-result of one individual’s tireless faith (and life choices).

Although Bruce Wayne’s ancestors are not the focal point of Batman, they are his bloodline & family’s history which in it’s own right deserves to be honored & respected (I know this is a fictional character, but roll with me here, people HahaHA).

Yes, “The Dark Knight” consists of nothing short of complete Mayhem, and YES, The Joker may make ya pee a little bit (just a little), and maybe even laugh (the writing is pretty damn genius in my humble opinion). I acknowledge that “The Dark Knight” should have been nominated for Best Picture (Double that for “The Dark Knight Rises”), and I acknowledge that Christian Bale should have been nominated for Best Actor his final performance as Bruce Wayne/Batman (I think he was snubbed, but hey I’m not in the Academy, so what do I know, right? HahaHA).

Speaking of “The Dark Knight Rises”, I still believe it’s the best Batman movie of all time. I understand (and have heard) many folks say “The Dark Knight” was a better movie, however, I believe (on the contrary) that not only is the third act of Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece a testament of cinematic storytelling - it is a testament to just how AWESOME we are when we perform at our best. When we work together, we are at our best (as a country, and as a people).

“The Dark Knight Rises”, at it’s core, is a cyclical nod to everything that was established in the first act of the trilogy (a perfect Full Circle), and of course, is the conclusion of Batman. Every lesson in Bruce Wayne’s life, every struggle, every enemy, every friend - every aspect of Bruce Wayne’s life is interwoven with Gotham City (and the people of Gotham) as he & his friends defend Gotham City (and everyone in it). In “The Dark Knight Rises”, Bruce Wayne has become a Hermit; locked away, half man, half mythos, in an air of mystery & fascination (among the ones who still speak of the elusive figure; a fading memory of a silent guardian). And as a hermit, Bruce has become deeply reclusive due to the Joker’s killing spree in Gotham City nearly a decade prior (while exploiting the sick minds & lost souls who stand for nothing [and truly fall for anything]).

While an average person would possibly accept Bruce Wayne’s physically-defeated, emotionally-scarred,  and spiritually-damaged condition - Alfred Pennyworth (God Bless ‘em) does what any individual of Good Faith would do - he encourages Bruce. He sees Bruce as a human being, not as a symbol. He cares about Bruce Wayne’s life, his well-being, his overall fulfillment, and Bruce’s personal happiness. He chose to honor the pact he made with Thomas Wayne to protect the family fortune (most importantly, Bruce). Alfred Pennyworth has his own fascinating & rich history from his own backstory (having been a soldier in his younger years). Fact of the matter is, Alfred never stopped being a soldier at heart. He is True Blue; a true man of the cause; a true Englishman, a true American, and overall a true HUMAN BEING. He is a True Believer of preserving all that is sacred & righteous in our world. He is a Saint and he is a blessing (in contrast to Ra’s al Ghul’s curse-like presence; working in Bad Faith; a destructive force; almost the polar opposite of Alfred).

One thing I love about the final film in Nolan’s titanic, artistic, commercial, & cinematic effort is just how well the Production had managed to pull off the third act (having so many characters and SO much exposition) especially considering the factors that most wouldn’t even consider (i.e. Budget, Lights, Sound, Wardrobe, Set Design, making sure everyone’s hitting their marks, making sure all the stunt-work is safe, making sure it’s all coordinated to the “T” - the amount of brain-storming, conceptualization, the marketing, the pre-production, the principal photography, the post-production, etc etc etc). Movies that require so much of the cast & crew do not always work well, but Warner Bros. & Nolan’s Team somehow managed to actually pull it off. They did what no one else could do - they made Batman real. Christian Bale made Bruce Wayne real. He made Bruce Wayne truly Human (even if just for a moment).

In this day & age (with everything that just happened very recently in our very own United States of America) - one could find a jaw-dropping parallel to what happened when ‘Bane’ came to Gotham City (played ferociously by the envelope-pushing Tom Hardy; see “Bronson”, so gnarly) to what had happened to our own U.S. Capitol.

Bane is the darkness (cloaked with brute force) that feeds off of the fear of humanity. Bane is a product of The League of Shadows (with Hardy’s vocal performance being a nod to UK & Ireland Bare-Knuckle-Boxing Champion, Bartley “King of The Gypsies” Gorman), and was actually ex-communicated from the league (so the story goes) by Ra’s al Ghul (himself). Word around the campfire is that Bane is a force of nature (more destructive than known before) and will stop at nothing to ‘fulfill the destiny of Ra’s al Ghul.’ Bane is a result of fringe-Cult-Mind-Control-Indoctrination (a life devoid of pure faith & free-will entirely; typically due to some possible form of sincere trauma and/or loss and governing authority; aka The Darkness).

The legend of Bane is more rumor than fact. He is just as elusive as Batman, and just as evil as Joker (if not more). Bane’s physicality brings Bruce Wayne to his knees in the third act of Nolan’s 3-piece work-of-art, while also providing all of the intellectually-driven rationale (totally psychotic) behind his Madness & Apocalyptic ambitions. Bane is a real-life-threat to Bruce Wayne & Gotham City (and The American Way). Bane represents the overall threat to our way of life (as a humanity). Bane is everything wrong with world leaders & corrupt forces (cultivated into the most toxic physical form); like a deranged & disfigured Churchill who lumbers about (as a lion in a den) in the underground infrastructure of Gotham City’s sewage system (almost as a warped, drug-induced, Shakespearean Emperor). Bane is a deadly force of nature, fueled entirely by the sickness of bad faith; coerced into his own psychosis by probably the most complex & frightening character of the entire series - Talia al Ghul (a.k.a. ‘Miranda Tate’, played unnervingly-well by one Marion Cotillard [the child played by Joey King, respectively]; her performance sends chills up the spine upon numerous viewings).

While introducing Batman & Gotham’s new enemies, some of Bruce’s new friends in the final (and most epic) installment of Christopher Nolan’s Batman storyline are Officer [Robin] John Blake (played exceptionally by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and a Wild-Card-Femme-Fatale character by the name of Selina Kyle (a.k.a. ‘Catwoman’, performed very well by Anne Hathaway). Joseph Gordon-Levitt shines as young Patrol Officer Blake - also having been an orphan, like Bruce Wayne, and a true believer in the purpose of Bruce Wayne (Batman) in Gotham City. Unlike Bruce, however, Robin is not a billionaire & Robin was not born into a life of privilege. Despite his brief backstory, Robin Blake, like Bruce Wayne, has Faith in Humanity. It’s why he puts on the uniform (speculative subtext). He does not have the luxury to become Batman, so just as Jim Gordon does - He works with what is given to him. He applies himself within the structure already established within Gotham (despite the restrictions & limitations of said structures of society). He, like ‘Serpico’ before him (see Al Pacino) is a regular Cop who just wants to do what the Law is supposed to do: To Protect & To Serve the good people of Gotham City.

Selina Kyle, on the other hand, is on a path between The Light & The Dark (on a sort of ‘spiritual tight-rope’ between the two paths). Selina’s life path is one of constant survival and constant running. As a ‘Cat Burglar’, Selina Kyle is a flat-out Crook. Her tough exterior conceals what truly is underneath her mask - a person who, too, has faith in humanity (proof that the ones who wander are not lost). Unfortunately for Bruce Wayne, as previously-mentioned, ‘Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures’ - and Selina Kyle’s desperation put Bruce directly into the hands of Bane & The League of Shadows (at a truly disturbing moment in the film). While forces of The League of Shadows’ (combined with a few of Wayne Enterprises’ own ‘bad seeds’, i.e. Daggett, Stryver, etc) disseminate chaos throughout the plot of “The Dark Knight Rises” (by destroying the city of Gotham and exiling Bruce Wayne across the world into a pit of hell) - all of the friends Bruce Wayne has made start to band together to organize a resistance with the surviving members of local (and once-established) authorities. The honor, the people, the community of Gotham City, and the overall driving spirit - the collective faith of the city (as a whole) had been damn-near destroyed entirely in this film. The resistance was born from those of whom are still faithful to their city and the rights of every individual who resides within.

Between the clandestine operations of Robin & his fellow law enforcement officers (all trapped underneath Gotham due to The League’s devastating terrorist attack), the United States Federal Government (and necessary agencies) & Wayne Enterprises (with ‘Miranda Tate’, Lucius Fox, etc), and the awe-inspiring action-sequences in this grand finale - there is no denial that the final installment of The Dark Knight Trilogy is the most realistic & visceral revolutionary epic set in modern-day America. It’s funny when one stops to think that this was all originally based off of a comic book character published by Detective Comics in the late 1930’s. It’s astonishing to think of just how far this fantasy story has evolved throughout the years.

Bruce Wayne is more than a comic book character. Bruce Wayne is a symbol of humanity. That is his ‘superpower’ - his Humanity. He is more than just a person fighting crime to honor his family’s faith & heritage - he is honoring the faith of humanity as it stands today. After all of the corruption & loss & trauma - Bruce Wayne never lost faith in what we have in life (even after losing so many loved ones and frequently having his own life in harm’s way). As he strives to defeat the darkness of Gotham (by striking fear into the hearts of those who prey upon the fearful), the force of darkness continues to rise to attempt to destroy & defeat The Light (Futility at it’s finest).

The greatest villain of all, Batman’s most incredible threat throughout the entire trilogy is actually Talia Al Ghul (Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter & heir to The League of Shadows; the true leader of the cult). She is the one who almost destroys Gotham City (if it wasn’t for Bruce Wayne and everyone who stepped up to do what was right to defend the city).

Although Talia does not fight Batman physically - she is the only villain who ever slept with Batman & exploited him with complete intimacy (seducing Bruce Wayne in a seemingly romantic moment in the film). Talia (still known as “Miranda” by this point in the story), appears innocent & sweet upon first glance, however with multiple viewings of the film, one begins to understand the disturbing nature of what Miranda/Talia is and is Not saying in Bruce Wayne’s presence (a brief glimmer of her spiritual void). Talia al Ghul truly is Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter and her light has been completely stamped out by the fact that she, not Bane, was the one who came out from the pit of hell (as it is revealed in the climax of this epic conclusion). The Devil lurks in many forms - in this particular case, Talia al Ghul displays the darkness as it exists in feminine form. Marion Cotillard was the most over-looked performance of the series (in my personal opinion) and I think as much as Tom Hardy does not get enough credit for his, at times, somewhat Macbethian performance (albeit not as flamboyant as Joker, but even more deadly) - I believe Talia al Ghul is the greatest threat to Gotham City in this trilogy (sorry, fellas).

While magnifying the character of Talia al Ghul, one must acknowledge her natural ability to be a ‘Wolf-in-Sheep’s-Clothing.’ She is the deadliest threat to Humanity due to her belief in a necessary demise of Gotham (seeing Gotham City as a hotbed of hypocrisy & imperialism). Talia al Ghul has no problem burning the barrel over a few bad apples (if that makes sense). While Talia is the CEO of Wayne Enterprises, she was also simultaneously dictating every strategy for The League of Shadows behind closed doors. She is the ‘Queen’, ‘The Head of The Serpent’, The Leader of ‘The Hive.’ She is the quintessential ‘Wicked Witch’, The ‘Bad Girl’, the ‘Goddess’, Kali, Baphomet, etc etc etc). She is an individual, born into a pit of darkness, and exposed to a potentially-life-shattering amount of trauma (based off of the staggering display of complete psychosis; albeit tremendously stealthy & downplayed under her facade of congeniality).

Talia al Ghul is the mastermind who inherited the crown from Ra’s al Ghul’s ‘throne’ (if that makes sense). She is a product of trauma, suffering, & loneliness, but more importantly, a severely sick individual who needs some serious mental & emotional help (more than Joker & Harley Quinn combined) and is the deadliest foe of all (due to her intellect & internalized rage & female fury & her knowledge of all things Gotham & Bruce Wayne/Batman). Talia al Ghul, like Batman, is a force of nature; especially due to her complete cutthroat tactics and inversion of personal Faith in Humanity. Talia al Ghul initially comes across as a meek & angelic person, responsible for the credibility & success of Wayne Enterprises. Her entire life, however, has been dedicated towards the infiltration of Gotham City, USA, and she is the only character in the film who is truly superior to Bruce Wayne in terms of sheer will-power (He caught up to her in the end though). What saves Bruce Wayne is his network of friends (Alfred, Jim Gordon, Lucius, Robin, Selina, etc), in addition to his mind, body, & spirit (once they attain alignment).

I don’t know what others have said, but I think Robin & Catwoman were actually done brilliantly in “The Dark Knight Rises.” Robin was a pleasant surprise for me as a viewer (truth be told; although I thought Ryan Gosling (GOS!) would have made an amazing Robin in ‘The Dark Knight Rises’; much respect for Joseph Gordon-Levitt), and Selina Kyle/Catwoman is fascinating due to her being the wild card of the last film (that truly helped level the playing-field; Girl-Power).

Catwoman, unlike Batman & Robin, is a big question mark throughout the majority of the last film. Her presence is just as elusive & threatening as Talia’s, however, Catwoman (unlike Talia al Ghul), underneath it all, is a Good Person trapped in a bad situation. That is a common thread in this storyline - Good people being in bad places (i.e. Jim Gordon, Lucius Fox, Rachel Dawes, Harvey Dent, etc). On the flip side of the coin - there are plenty of bad folks in good places amidst Gotham’s corrupt forces (i.e. Dr. Crane/Scarecrow, Carmine Falcone, Judge Faden, Detective Ramirez, Detective Wuertz, etc). It’s a reality known all too well in our modern society.

When one observes the overall arc of Bruce Wayne’s transformational life experiences in Nolan’s Comic Book Epic - I have to reiterate the notion of duality consistently interwoven within each one of these films. Light & Dark - Good & Evil - Positive & Negative - the eternal dance - it is the driving force of this franchise (as Bruce is the quintessential “Light Worker” - not that I’m soliciting ‘New Age’ [or ‘Old Age’ for that matter] ideologies, just a matter-of-saying). Bruce Wayne symbolizes The Light of God found in human form (at the very core and most-primary form of what Natives call, “The Great Spirit”, respectively), of which must seize the day to tame the night. Bruce is the epitome of a Capricorn/Aquarius cusp (Western Astrology/Zodiac) - in full force - bringing the water to those who are thirsty, bringing food to those who are starving, and healing the suffering of a people by means of very serious mental, physical, and Yes, Spiritual Work & Seriously Visionary Goals. Bruce Wayne is the Light while Bane is the Darkness of Humanity (the brute force, the inversion of light); the absence of faith. Although he does indeed have an inherent belief within his bones (and muscles reminiscent of mountains), Bane is still dependent on man-made ideologies & approaches (entirely based in the material world). The League of Shadows are attempting to summon the fires from hell in order to bring the dark prince into Heaven to seize the light (again, futility) to fulfill the devil’s ultimate lie (talk about a God-Complex..Oh me, Oh my) of Superiority (‘Can’t we all just get along?’).

When examining Talia al Ghul’s presence as a double-agent mastermind - her reveal is one of the most important plot twists of the series. Talia being a hidden “mole” within the resistance of Gotham City during The League of Shadows’ Hostile Takeover sets off Martial Law in Gotham - which sparks an uprising in the city that eventually saves Gotham (due to the efforts of a network of people who utilized adaptability & effective methods of coordination & action). Bane is to Batman as Talia is to Catwoman (just as Harvey is to Rachel; Duality; Gemini, Twins). What’s so incredible about Selina Kyle is her purpose in the story as a symbol that people CAN & DO redeem themselves despite having a checkered past (something a good amount of folks have in this day-and-age, myself included). Although the clandestine efforts of Gotham’s resistance had been futile due to the fact that Talia al Ghul was hiding in plain sight (a stroke of genius on the writing), Selina Kyle was the defining individual that tipped the scale in favor for Gotham City (and more importantly, Humanity as a Whole). She had an opportunity to leave Gotham and have a clean slate, but she had a personal moment-of-crisis... That’s because she has a soul, and in her soul, she knows, by faith & intuition, that humanity needed her help (one could speculate). She went back & risked her life (God bless her), which was a full circle nod, of which, echoed the sentiment originally planted within the first film: The moment when Rachel Dawes asked a younger Bruce Wayne, “..What chance does Gotham have if the good people do nothing?”  (Edmund Burke; ‘Thoughts on the Cause of the Present Discontents’ [1770], regarding the nepotism of a monarchy).

Talia al Ghul is a highly-complex character (next to Bruce Wayne) in the series due to the potential life she may have lead as an orphan born in the pit of hell (shot in the jaw-dropping landscape of Jodhpur, Rajasthan, India). She is also the most tragic due to the fact that she literally has an opportunity to leave her life of pain & suffering behind to be with Bruce Wayne, but succumbs to the ‘Shadow Side.’ ...You know something is ‘rotten in the state of Denmark’ when she would rather destroy the world than have a ‘happily ever after’ with Bruce Wayne. Her spirit fell back into the proverbial pit of despair & darkness (without ‘The Light’) that she had escaped from (in a metaphoric sense). Bane, like Scarecrow before him, is merely a pawn in the worldwide game of Chess (‘all the world is a stage...’). The tragedy of Talia is that she is someone who was born into darkness and literally had to pay for the sins of her father (as her mother did, tragically).

Talia al Ghul is the most heart-breaking villain of the trilogy simply due to her life being a complete tragedy. One begins to ponder if she had a romantic evening with Bruce Wayne simply because she had felt the cold winter of loneliness for too long, or if she desperately (just for a moment) wanted to be one with God’s Light & a person’s gentle embrace (although I don’t know I might be wrong - she was probably like “Hey, it’s either Scary-Ass Bane or six-pack abs Bruce Wayne. HMMM. Let’s tip the scale on that one - HAhaHa, I digress). Regardless of reasoning - Talia al Ghul’s complexity is probably no match for the intense unhappiness she carries with her. It’s no surprise due to the fact that her mother’s absolutely unGodly demise (so sad) was the catalyst that sparked her mission from Hell (with her hound-of-hell on a leash, aka Bane). As much as I may condemn Talia al Ghul & Bane - I want to reason with them. I want to listen to them and I want to let them know that America is not a bad place, and we are not a bad people. I want to find a common ground, and extend the olive branch (as the saying goes) in order to help heal their pain & misconceptions of Americans and Humanity (as a whole), without having to give my (or anyone else’s) life in the process.

I have a belief that if Talia al Ghul was given a fair & ample opportunity to have a better life in America - she would have taken it (if she had not been so deeply-programmed with hate). I have the understanding & more concrete belief that it is due to her life-long journey of trauma-based-indoctrination as the main culprit as to why she simply won’t cease & desist from committing further acts of wrath upon Humanity. Talia al Ghul could have put just as much effort into the healing as the killing (but she fell back into that spiritual pit). I know why she hates. She hates because she weeps, deep down inside in her soul at night (when no one is around), for her trauma & her unbearable internal pain. She hates because she is repeating the pattern of trauma that may or may not have been applied to her mind, body, and worst of all - her soul. She hates because she had hatred put into her (since being a small, innocent child) and she put that hatred out into the world (a severe lack of comfort, love, care, family, and yes - Faith). Although symbols of lightness, darkness, duality, and representations of sins & faith are all spread across this monumental achievement in film (without having to shove a Cross in someone’s face) - at the very core of this film is, again, the importance of faith in humanity despite our individual & collective tragedies (and shared injustice). The importance of striving, no matter the odds, no matter the pain, no matter how dark the night.

I believe the BEST moment in the entire story was the moment Bruce Wayne climbed out of the pit to save his people. He could have easily died a painful & shameful death in that ancient prison (while watching his city & country being destroyed by an insane fringe cult; a militia of madness; a false liberation). A lot of people seem to overlook just how incredible & truly powerful that moment is in “The Dark Knight Rises.” Tom Conti (a perfect performance of an apathetic mentor-like figure; complimented brilliantly by one Uri Gavriel as the exiled Medical Doctor of a Monarch) & Christian Bale’s overall dynamic in the entire pit sequence was a masterful stroke of storytelling (tying back to the first film, putting Bruce Wayne back where he first began). It’s fascinating to find Bruce Wayne, with a severely-injured body, having to rebuild himself and strengthening his spirit to rise out of the pit of despair - the pit of personal hell, the unforgiving pit of Time (Capricorn; Saturn; Kronos; “The Task-Master”, “The Reaper”; Reward or Punishment; Karma; The Lord of The Rings). The moment of truth comes when Bruce Wayne discovers (through numerous attempts) that it is his spirit that must rise to seize the light - without vanity, without any fancy gadgets, technology, tricks up his sleeve, or any clever contraption (or vehicle) to assist him in the process. This was a moment for Bruce Wayne and Bruce Wayne alone. This is what we call our moment to “Shine” as an individual being...  our independent spirit. Bruce Wayne had to learn what it meant to climb out of the pit of hell and abandon his fear (as the child in the legend had done; Talia al Ghul).

The pit can represent many things to many different people. The eye of the beholder truly does apply to this (as well as any) story. For the individual to think & feel for one’s self - and to also believe in one’s self. The pit can be a literal prison - or it could be a wealthy kingdom. I know (from personal experience) the feeling of being at the pit of one’s own existence. I know what it means to be a prisoner trapped in one’s own body (due to unwanted pain & suffering & hidden trauma). I’ve learned the plight of humanity and the experience of suffering in the night (I’m just like everybody else). I have been there. I have known the darkness. I have known what it means to “dance with the devil under the pale moonlight” (as the expression goes). I’ve known what it means to defend the innocent from evil, thrusting myself into danger to save family members from toxic masculinity & extreme violence (since being a little boy). I have known the darkness, which is why I kept searching for my own personal truths & answers (which ended the day I had a near-death experience & literally saw The Light of God; 100% Serious). I have known all of these things, but I also know that the people who put that hurt into me had that same hurt (if not worse) put into them...  That’s the paradox of trauma. The original source goes so far back it’s pointless to trace - which is why I look FORWARD in Life. I no longer dwell in the weight of one’s misery & spiritual darkness - I seize the light by choosing a good life (to fulfill my own purpose).

At the risk of my own humiliation & embarrassment (and at the delight of those of whom feel actual glee out of my personal struggles & suffering; God knows who you are), I can acknowledge that I am someone who has lived “in the darkness” before. I have known what it means to suffer and toil without the light of God in my life. I have abandoned my own belief in God before, and my own personal Faith before... it’s not something I am particularly proud of, and although I have survived various life experiences that made me plunge into the pessimistic side of life (having been mentally, physically, and yes - Sexually-Abused in my early childhood) - I reach out (in spirit) to anyone who may be reading my words, who has possibly fallen from the good grace of God (especially due to what has happened in our country). I, too, know what it is to lose faith in God & The True Light (as opposed to the Man-Made light). I know what it’s like to suffer & hate “The Believers” (my trauma came from a so-called “believer”).

You know, stories are more powerful than one may ever think (as well as Family, Friendship, Fun, and Faith). I have lived in my own personal hell before - I have ‘had it all’ and then lost EVERYTHING the following year. I have rebuilt my life SO many times (too many damn times), and I’ve learned one ultimate truth that I MUST share with everyone who is (and will be) alive to read these words...

..There IS A GOD. THERE IS A LIGHT. It may not be visible because we cannot see what lies beyond the veil of existence, but I assure you - Everyone is Alive for a REASON (and Individual Purpose). Women may have the divine gift of giving Life (RESPECT!), but we ALL have the gift of giving LIGHT (each in our own unique way). We all have a way to help heal and put something good into the world, despite our shared pain & trauma, as a people. We all deserve to be happy and have a decent opportunity for a healthy & happy existence (ESPECIALLY with our modern-day world; unless if folks start committing crimes and harming others and whatnot). I believe we are all at our best when we cooperate & coexist with one another (despite our individual differences). The Light does not need to shine out The Darkness just as The Darkness shall never overthrow The Light. We can live in a spiritual Harmony. We do not have to walk the same path. We do not have to share the same spiritual beliefs. I just think we CAN share this world (as I believe we are truly alive in what is known as the Garden of Eden).

We do not have to destroy ourselves to prosper. We can live among one another (with dignity & respect & honor). I’m not always happy to see that people willingly practice certain principles & “values”, but who am I to judge? That’s why God is here... It’s a tough lesson to accept, but it’s true. I should not judge someone just because they worship darkness - because at the end of the day that’s between them and their purpose in life - not mine. I have walked the line, but I never learned from others shouting in my face - I learned from listening & civility & patience & yes - Faith. That’s the purpose of the light - not to drown out the dark, but to work together (as Santa Clause & Krampus do), as a balance of necessary elements that will always be present in our own reality. We, as a contemporary society, have lost touch with the natural way of the world (well, a good amount of folks anyhow). We, as a humanity, have become so vain that we do not even know which way is Up & Down anymore - which way is truly Left & Right. We, as the soul of humanity, have suffered in the darkness for far too long (due to those who wish to control our individual light). We, as a country, MUST help one another climb out of our collective pit of despair - our sociological prison (cultivated through the last aeon), our ‘darkness.’ It has happened before and it can happen again - and to all of my fellow beings of whom shall always carry within us, The Light of Goodness, the love of God, and the wisdom of The Light - I say to thee: RISE.

I give Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy a PERFECT 10 out of 10! The most inspiring superhero franchise of all time (in my opinion). Bruce Wayne & Gotham City show us that Chivalry is NOT dead in The United States of America (despite our challenges). Christopher Nolan’s Cinematic Achievement is victorious in it’s final conclusion: Gotham City IS worth Saving, as our very own Humanity - and Yes - We can all have a better way of life without having to sacrifice our own lives in the process. We can rise to fulfill our individual & collective destiny (as decent human beings) and have, not the life we need, but the one we DESERVE.

*This is dedicated in loving memory to everyone who has lived & died in service of The Light..✝️

“I see a beautiful city... and a brilliant people, rising from this abyss... I see the lives, for which I lay down my life: peaceful, useful, prosperous, and happy... I see that I hold a sanctuary in their hearts, and in the hearts of their descendents (generations hence)... It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known...”

[yukiwrites]

Renewed Vows, Overpowering Love

Thank you so much for the support and the patience as always, @breeachuu! I hope you like it! ;v;)

Summary: It’s been almost 10 years since Henry and Nidra came to terms with their feelings -- since they had married, so to say. They never actually gotten around into having a proper ceremony, but that was about to change if it depended on Henry and Nidra’s closest friend, Queen Robin.

Commission info HERE and HERE!

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The sun rose shyly in the sky as dawn started to break -- the idyllic rays of light shone through leaves, windows and roofs alike, illuminating the small yet bright flocks of dust as though they were morning stars.

The air itself felt more clean to the lungs, result of the previous week filled with rainfall. The water had washed the land in such a way that it grew anew under the people's feet.

Waking up to such array of sensations, especially beside the man who had made all of her dreams come true for the past decade, made Nidra almost feel like crying first thing in the morning.

She woke up with the chirp of birds, with the song of the leaves dancing with the morning breeze -- with the sound of laughter of her own children trying to keep quiet so as not to wake their parents up. The manakete clutched her heart with emotion, watching as Henry slept peacefully beside her once she sat up on their bed. His hair had grown a bit over the last few years, but he always made sure to cut it at around the same length; not to mention that his complexion underwent very little changes in these past 10 years they've been together.

"Well, not exactly a round ten per se, that one is tomorrow," she mumbled to herself, taking a few strands of hair from her husband's eyes. "Still, it IS mind-boggling to see that you haven't changed a bit, or at least very little, in all those years, my love." She whispered more to herself than to her sleeping consort, but a smile growing on his lips betrayed his 'pretending to be asleep' act.

"I was born with this face, you know? Nyaha!" He chuckled, rubbing sleep out of his eyes before stretching his body. "You shoulda seen me when I was a kid -- oh wait, you already have! I had this same face too, see?" He pointed with both indexes to his smile, making the manakete giggle before closing in for a morning kiss.

"I do see it; it never fails to surprise me." She said by his lips, breathing the same air as he.

"I'm serious, you know? If we ever have another kid -- one who looks like me this time -- you'll see it! I'll bet I was even born laughing instead of crying, nyaha!"

"You buffoon," Nidra nudged his shoulder, leaning her forehead against his. "You've only been drinking your life-extending potion for less than two years, and still look as young as you did a decade ago-"

"ALMOST a decade, ey? We're having our anniversary tomorrow! Is the dragon age catching up to you, I wonderr?" He said playfully, slowly wrapping both arms around his wife's waist. She once again nudged his shoulder, but this time with more strength. "Oof! Hey! I didn't even call you old-"

"Not another word!" She squashed his cheeks with both hands, making him do a fish face as his lips open and closed helplessly between her fingers.

"Yu'roldjie aja gwanny buj I shtill wuv you!" He managed to say as his body shook with mirth, Nidra's increasingly red face making him laugh even harder.

"Who's old as a granny? I am older than those, as well!" She said with an odd sense of pride, letting go of her husband's face so as to flick his forehead. Henry fell dramatically on the mattress, laughing so hard he held his stomach.

"Nyaha! You're the BEST, Ni-Ni!"

The morning progressed slowly: since only Nidra, Henry and their youngest children were at home at the moment, they simply shared an early breakfast and went about with their business -- the kids to the yard behind their house to collect berries, the adults to enjoy a nice shade watching them.

Meliodas and Cynthia had gone to the palace the previous day to stay the night there, meaning to return the following evening. They had to be back for their parents' 10th wedding anniversary, after all!

Although that was the plan, Nidra felt her son approaching from the sky much earlier than intended -- it was barely past noon once her eldest child landed up on the hill and quickly made his way down.

"Mother, Father! I've returned, but this time as a high-end courier!" He smiled brightly, running towards his parents who sat each on their own rocking chair placed right outside, towards the hill. In his hand lay a letter with the royal seal, more specifically, the Queen's seal.

"Oh, from Robin?" Nidra lifted both hands to receive the message, a tender smile upon her face. She missed the timing whence Meliodas winked to Henry as she carefully opened the envelope. "My, she truly wrote this as official-looking as possible!" She mused, perusing the detailed calligraphy and high-quality paper.

"What does it say?!" Henry jumped behind Nidra's chair, accidentally rocking it before he held it by its armrests so he could read the contents.

"I'm so very curious, as well. She forbade me from opening it as she handed it to me, the seal still hot! May I read it with you?" Meliodas approached carefully, not knowing from which of his father's shoulders to peek from as Nidra never took her eyes off of the letter.

Her smile grew until her eyes burned. "That Robin, always so attentive." She sniffled, handing the letter upwards, to whomever wanted to read it. Henry snatched it from her hands, leaning on Meliodas so the both of them could read what they already knew. "She asked us to--"

"Ohhh, juicy! Spend the night at the castle so we can all have a nice wedding-anniversary breakfast with the whole gang!" Henry cut his wife off, his smile too large to contain. Suddenly, he frowned, pensive, and looked up. "Huh? Aren't those things usually celebrated during diner? Why a breakfast?"

Nidra ran her fingers through the carefully woven chair, smiling fondly. "Before you started working on a cure for my narcolepsy, I mentioned to her that I truly envied those who could enjoy a nice breakfast with their comrades since I usually either overslept and missed them or would fall asleep during the act and attend it only halfway. I truly did not think she would remember such a tiny detail..."

"Ohhh," Henry and Meliodas nodded concomitantly, exchanging meaningful glances. "You sure are loved, huh, Ni-Ni?" He smirked to his son as he patted his wife's head; the manakete boy almost giggled aloud, but managed to simply chuckle and take a deep breath.

"Shall we get ready to go, then, Mother? Father?" He opened both arms.

"We shall." Nidra got up, stretched herself and breathed long and hard. "Could you bring the children inside? I shall prepare their bags for the journey."

"Aye aye!" Henry smooched his wife as she walked past him (receiving a well-deserved kick on the shin) before following his eldest son towards the bushes the children were playing at. "Did Cynthia stay behind forr... something particular?"

Meliodas snorted. "Nay. She's beside herself with excitement; not a good secret-keeper like that."

"Nyaha, that sounds like our Cyn-Cyn."

The bush in front of them moved before a green-haired head popped from inside. "Me-me?" Little Cynthia smiled widely, her entire face smeared with berries.

"GYAHA," Henry threw his head back in laughter, "didja miss your mouth and spread fruit all over your face, kiddo?" He opened his arms so the little girl could jump into his hug. "Here, let Dad wipe it all for you." He said as he reached for a handkerchief inside his pocket, promptly cleaning Cyn's face.

"There're more this way, Cyn- Oh, big bro!" Meli was midway to pointing towards a further bush when he lifted his head to see his older brother. "There're sooo many tasty fruit there! Let's go pick 'em!" He smiled widely, one of his front teeth missing.

"No can do, Meli. C'mere with big brother, hmm? We're going to visit Morgs and Luci!" He said excitedly, pleasantly watching as the boy's expression brightened.

"We're going to the castle?! Yayy!" He jumped into Meliodas' chest. "Now? Today?!"

"Today, indeed!" Meliodas got up, securing his younger self in his arms. "When we get there, I'll have a very important mission for you..."

Since Cyn was still too young to fly (as was Meli, but he could already handle a short flight or two), the family went to the castle by foot; arriving at the late afternoon.

From one of the large windows, Cynthia watched them walk in. Her heart almost jumped out of her throat. "Luciiiii, let me go see them, please! pretty pretty please? I promise I won't say anything!" She paced around the room like a caged animal -- a very excited animal -- finally shaking her friend by her shoulders.

"You know I cannot allow that, Cynthia! Mother's words were clear: we've been planning all of this for MONTHS; we can't have a single thing go wrong -- nor can we let Aunt Nidra to realize everything we've been doing at the very last day! You are confined into this room until tomorrow."

"But I wanna see Motherrrrrrr," Cynthia dramatically fell onto the ground, holding her friend's skirt. "Lemme seeee herrrr, I wanna hug my Father tooooo," she cried, rubbing her face into Lucina's legs.

Weak to younger-sibling-slyness, it took everything Lucina had to look up to the ceiling, away from her wailing friend. "I shan't be swayed! Tomorrow is far too important to let everything go to waste now!"

"Grrr, I need to think up of a better way to--" she gasped loudly. "I CAN FLY! LEMME JUMP FROM THE WINDOW!" She quickly let go of her friend and ran towards the large stained glass window, but Lucina herself was quite fast, rapidly managing to immobilize her manakete friend.

"Don't make me tie you up to this bed, Cynthia! You stay here!"

"Nnnnoooooo...!" Cynthia lifted her hand upwards dramatically, then made it limp beside her lifeless body. "I won't be able to sleeeeeep..."

Sighing as she noticed that her friend seemingly stopped fighting back, Lucina relaxed her grip. "Just bear with it for a while longer, Cynthia; I beg you. Tomorrow you WILL be there to welcome Ni-Ni, um... Aunt Nidra, after all."

Cynthia kicked her feet in excitement, her body trembling with energy all over again. "I know! And I can't wait!"

In another corner of the castle, Robin had instructed all the staff to smoothly guide Nidra away from the east wing, which they did quite subtly -- the manakete was received so warmly like always that she barely noticed how she didn't even touch the eastern garden and got through the western one instead. Well, the living quarters were situated at the west wing, so she didn't have any reason to suspect not being shown the eastern side. What was odd to her was how Cynthia's presence remained upstairs despite them having arrived quite some time ago -- there was no way the young manakete missed feeling four other dragons entering the castle; especially not after Nidra taught her how to sense presences.

Still, she knew how her daughter could be -- once she put her mind into something, she would be so focused on it she would lose track of time and place, so it wasn't ALL that uncommon. Just a nudge at the back of Nidra's head.

Like it usually happened whenever they visited, Nidra went to Robin's study to talk, feeling closely at home at that familiar balcony where she landed the week after Robin married, almost twelve years ago.

Her friend had aged well -- she still looked young, but with a firm chin and a wise gaze to go with her poise. She had grown into a magnificent Queen, down to her mannerisms and habit to issue orders. It warmed Nidra's heart to watch her already wonderful friend grow into an even more impressive ruler.

During their conversation, Robin would find Nidra lost in thought more often than not -- lost into the memories of their times together, and how much they shaped who the both of them were today.

"How much you mean to me, my friend. How, how very much." Nidra commented all of sudden, her eyes welling up with emotion. "Thank you so very much for remembering such a tiny detail of what I offhandedly mentioned almost a decade ago... It means the world to me. To have someone remember something about me that's often lost into my endless existence... Ah, Robin, how much I treasure that!"

The Queen smiled softly, her expression lines shaping her face into a motherly look. She grasped her friend's hand, caressing it with her thumb. "I'll remember you for the rest of my days, Nidra. Even after that, as my children grow and keep mine and your memories alive -- as you watch over them and make yourself a constant within my bloodline. I'll always be with you, no matter how far you or I go."

Nidra blinked so as to shoo the tears away, holding Robin's hand with both of hers. "And be present I shall, Robin. As I've promised before, I shall say it again -- I will be there for your children, and their children. I'll watch over them for you."

It was Robin's turn to feel misty-eyed, but she managed to blink it away and smile. "Look at us, making promises for the future when we're a night of sleep's away from your anniversary. Let us not behave like old grannies and enjoy the present, yes? We have the rest of our lives to reminisce."

"Right you are, my friend. As always; right you are." Nidra chuckled, drying a few stray tears from her cheeks. The night had already covered the land like a blanket that waited to be lifted come morning.

Unaware of whatever machinations were going on inside the castle, Nidra went to bed with Henry a bit after midnight -- the children had gone to sleep with young Morgan and Luci in their rooms, so it was only the couple for the night, like it hadn't been for a long time. Henry made an off-handed comment about being alone to 'dingle-dangle', but received a very embarrassed slap on the chest before Nidra snuggled her face on his to sleep.

Well, Henry thought, not like I'm gonna catch a wink anyway, nyaha! He held his wife closely, caressing her back up and down ever so slowly, like a unspoken lullaby.

The manakete fell asleep right after, safe in her husband's arms.

Yet, when she woke up, they weren't there to welcome her to the waking world. Frowning as she rubbed sleep out of her eyes, Nidra yawned widely as she sat up and groggily looked around the room. Everything looked right in place, apart from a wooden mannequin placed right beside the old full body mirror at the back of the room.

"What...?" She squinted, her vision still a bit blurry from sleep. The light coming through the expensive window was as idyllic as the previous day's, but now it slightly blinded her to what was in front of her very eyes: it was a wedding dress.

True, it was not a frilly dress with a huge ball-gown skirt, no. It was made with a very thin and light fabric, trumpet shaped and strapless -- though it had very, very long sleeves, long enough to trail behind her as she wore it. Taking a closer look, she could see that there was a cut in the long skirt, allowing her more movement without being crass; her leg could be seen all the way to her thigh, but since the skirt had so much thin fabric, it would look as though she was flying-

"Oh, so that's why the sleeves are so long... my wings." She whispered as she touched the fabric, not realizing she had already gotten up to see the dress up close. It had so many little, hand-sewn details from the tube top to the waist, then all the way through the sleeves as well as on the intricate back. It was a true masterpiece, carefully made for Nidra herself. And only her.

Feeling like she was walking inside a dream -- her feet felt as though she stepped on cotton -- Nidra looked around the room once again, time moving much slower than before. She saw so much more color than before, though nothing had actually changed. It was as though the sun reflecting through the stained glass painted the entire room in rainbows and stars, bringing her so much emotion she couldn't help but sob.

So that was the reason why Robin had sent such a formal letter -- but that didn't seem like it was only her friend's doing...? Confused, overwhelmed and emotional, the manakete stood still, her hand never letting go of the dress as she tried to understand the rush of emotions going through her heart.

She failed to notice the careful footsteps by the door as it carefully opened. She failed still to notice when her husband slipped inside and opened his arms. "Phew, I gotcha still in your pajamas!" He huffed, his usually pale face bright red from running. "I had to fly back home to bring these! Can't have a manakete wedding without our jewels, ey?" He flashed the jewels Nidra had made him over a decade ago, carefully woven into necklaces. "I'm glad I got to be the one to put it on you, nyaha," his breath was still shaky, but he managed to smile as he walked to his wife and put the necklace on her. "Happy anniversary, Ni-Ni. I knew asking Robin to help with your dream wedding was the right thing to do."

Blinking, it took Nidra a full minute to tear her eyes away from the dress to her grinning husband. Once she took a full look at him, she realized he wore a tuxedo -- not a black or purple one as she was sure he'd prefer, but a dark green one, complete with a rainbow colored handkerchief by his chest pocket.

The male manakete color scheme; to call upon the females with his intricate scales and battle prowess.

Seeing how she eyed his outfit, Henry smiled and Nidra could almost see him being bashful. "I'm not a dragon (and boy do I wish I were!) but 'least I could borrow the colors to match my wife!"

Nidra opened and closed her mouth like a fish, making Henry remember the previous morning and giggle before wrapping his arms around her waist. "It's okay, take your time to take it all in." He patted her back, used to giving her space to digest things through.

A few minutes later, Nidra managed to mumble a "how" and a "when", her brain a complete knot.

"You won't believe how many people Robin got into this! It'd be better to show you, though," he smiled, his thin eyes showing a tiny bit of expression lines -- age and wisdom, the same ones she saw in her friend just the previous night.

So he did change a little bit in these ten years.

"Do you want help with the dress? I mean with the undressing part," he wiggled his eyebrows, sure to make her work after making a dirty remark.

It did wonders to bring Nidra back to reality, though it cost him an aching shin. "Worth it!" He said as she made him wait outside while she got into that wonderful dress.

The more she did, the less real it felt. It wasn't as though she had always wanted a wedding ceremony. Her memories of those usually meant that she would be left alone, or at least left aside. Back when she was young, she witnessed a wonderfully large party that's marked her for eternity. Then, there was Robin's, which also dug deep into her, though that time she could be open with her friend and tell her what she was feeling.

There were other parties the Shepherds threw for some of their members' marriages, but it wasn't as though Nidra wanted to have one for herself.

What she wanted were the memories and feelings conveyed in those ceremonies. She wanted to hear the promise from her husband's lips, a bit more official-like than what he usually did (though she could still live without it for the rest of her days since he already gave her so much), and to be congratulated by her friend and family... to announce her love proudly and show it to the world that she was happy.

She was finally, truly happy.

"Aw, Ni-Ni! No need to cry so early! There're so many opportunities for you to cry later!" Henry giggled as she left the room in tears, helping her with her wild hair before escorting her to the eastern side of the castle.

They all knew that although Nidra got used to being around humans, it wasn't as though she enjoyed large crowds, so they kept it all small: at an ancient chapel right behind the walls of a forgotten garden at the east wing, they would formalize Nidra and Henry's marriage for the first time in ten years.

The place overflowed with antique energy, the forest consuming most of the columns and arches, making it an ideal place for a manakete to roost at. Vines and multi-colored flowers sprouted naturally from the old stonework, complementing the floral decoration Cynthia and Meliodas worked hard at.

At the center of the altar, there laid a Naga's Bell, the largest one Nidra had ever seen.

Widening her eyes, she tried to take it all in: she saw her friends and family scattered about the natural garden, all wearing different degrees of smiles. She saw Cyn and Meli dancing with Morgs and Lucina right in front of the paved corridor as the girls carried small baskets full of flower petals while the boys shared a large velvet cushion.

Cynthia spotted her parents coming in first and let out a loud squeal. "Mother!! You look amazing! Happy anniversary! Happy marriage! Gods I'm so excited I- whoops!" She rambled on as she ran towards her mother, tripping on a nearby root and landing right in Nidra's arms. "Nice catch!"

"Oh, my darling child... you look stunning as well. A short dress much like a flower in bloom." Nidra managed to speak, her words outpacing her thoughts. "And your sister is wearing a miniature of the same dress, oh Naga, she looks so adorable." She clutched her chest, misty-eyed. Young Meli wore a miniature tuxedo to match with Henry while Meliodas wore a long, silver coat-tail with platinum ends to signify his wings. He welcomed his mother, father and sister with open arms.

"Mother! You do not know how hard it was to keep all of this a secret from you!" He laughed, squeezing them all in his hug.

Her mind slow, Nidra looked from her husband to her daughter, then to her son. "Indeed... How did you keep it a secret? Cynthia is not much of a secret-keeper..."

"I did my best!" She puffed her cheeks.

"So did Lucina and Robin, Mother. They received the brunt of Cynthia's excitement whenever she was about to blurt it all by accident." Meliodas chuckled, placing a tuft of hair behind his mother's long ear. In a smooth movement, he took a step back to reveal his godmother and god sister.

Both Queen and Princess smiled fondly as the children danced around themselves. "Happy anniversary, old friend." Robin took Nidra's hands in hers, squeezing under her silk gloves. "I got you this time," she winked.

"That you did, you old fox," Nidra's chin trembled, her feelings finally catching up with what was going on. "Oh, give me a hug, Robin! Thank you so much for this." She pulled her friend into a bear embrace, squeezing the breath out of her.

"N-Ni-Ni, you're going to kill Mother-" Lucina blurted out as Robin started turning blue, but Nidra let go of her right after, her entire body trembling.

"I- We better start this before I start crying for three hours straight." Nidra sniffled, covering her mouth with one hand as Lucina tenderly took her turn in hugging her godmother.

Henry nodded beside her, his expression comically serious. "She means it. She WILL cry for three hours straight if you let her."

Robin guffawed, throwing her head back. "Ha! And you think I don't know that? Let's take our places quickly before Cyn scatters all the petals in that same spot she's in."

"Mommyyy! Cyn'll make the path pwetty for you!" The little girl waved, obediently not leaving her post as she had promised aunt Robin earlier. Luci worriedly tried to keep her friend to waste more petals than necessary, stealing a strangled laughter from the manakete bride.

Nidra tried with all her might to keep her tears from flowing, but flow they did -- she walked down the aisle alongside her husband as their children opened the way for them, their friends and found family waiting for them at the altar, whence the Naga's Bell hung magnanimously. Under it, Tiki used herself as a proxy for Naga's voice to call upon her dragon children so they could celebrate such a love-filled and heartwarming union.

Nowi, Nah, Cynthia, Meliodas as well as their younger counterparts all felt a strong current of power coursing through their veins, as though Naga had descended amongst them for a brief moment to touch upon Nidra’s jewel with a kiss. Both hers and Henry’s shone so brightly the next second, they had to close their eyes, not realizing they intertwined their fingers in a strong handhold.

For a moment, there was only silence, as though time had stopped simply for Henry and Nidra to look at each other and smile. “I love you,” they said in unison, Henry’s smile the truest Nidra had ever seen in the past decade.

He had grown so much since they first met -- he got in touch with his feelings more often and hardly ever masked them with a snicker, choosing to convey them to his wife instead. And at that moment, everything that he felt meant only that.

Love.

Overpowering and true love.

Nidra couldn’t keep the waterfall of tears away any longer, so she finally let them flow as freely as possible, a second after she wrapped both arms around Henry’s neck so as to tenderly seal their renewed promise with a kiss. He reciprocated for a moment, then snorted over her lips as he felt her shoulders trembling.

“D-don’t laugh!” She protested weakly as she slipped into his shoulder to hide her crying face. Henry, on the other hand, trembled with mirth.

“You’re so funny, Ni-Ni! I’m glad I married you for realsies now.” He patted her back as she grumbled something under her breath, trying to hide the huge smile that went with her tears.

All around them, their family and friends celebrated, throwing petals and rice on them. The children started dancing at the sound of the band which started playing a peppy tune, while the couples hugged themselves so as to take advantage of the atmosphere of love in the air.

Truly, Nidra couldn’t have been happier than on that day.

In truth, ever since marrying Henry for the first time, her life had only gotten exponentially happier. That only made her look forward to eternity beside her beloved, more and more each day.

For the technically newlyweds, life couldn’t actually return to normal -- it was as though they had returned to the early days of their marriage, always enjoying each other’s presence more than with other people. Robin even volunteered to keep the children in the castle for a few weeks or so to let the couple, ahem, renew their vows privately, but Nidra only allowed it for a couple of days at most.

Despite being a blushing bride, she was also a very clingy and proud mother. She didn’t want to part with her children for longer than necessary.

Which was why that, a bit over two months after their ceremony, it occurred to Nidra that she hadn’t transformed to take a nap under the tree atop the hill in quite a while. The fact only came to her mind while she was entangled in her future children’s scales as all of them took a family nap, Cynthia and Meliodas interlaced around each other, with their parents and younger siblings in their midst.

Alone in her waking, Nidra looked down to her sleeping husband, softly placing one hand over her chest.

Could it be? Could it truly be?

The manakete looked around herself -- quite literally surrounded by her family, and yet the expectation of being actually, well, expecting another member to complement it. She bit her lower lip, her eyes welling up with tears. What a great news to wake up to, she thought, snuggling into Henry’s chest. I wonder how I should say it when he wakes up.

[fromtheringapron]

WWE SummerSlam 2016

Date: August 21, 2016.

Location: The Barclay Center in Brooklyn, New York. 

Attendance: 15,974

Commentary: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and Corey Graves (Raw). Mauro Renallo, John “Bradshaw” Layfield, and David Otunga (SmackDown). 

Results: 

Kickoff Match: The Usos (Jimmy and Jey), The Hype Bros (Mojo Rawley and Zack Ryder), and American Alpha (Chad Gable and Jason Jordan) defeated Breezango (Fandango and Tyler Breeze), The Ascension (Konnor and Viktor), and The Vaudevillains (Simon Gotch and Aiden English. 

Kickoff Match: Sami Zayn and Neville defeated The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von). 

Kickoff Match, First in a Best of Seven Series: Sheamus defeated Cesaro. 

1. Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens defeated Enzo Amore and Big Cass. 

2. Raw Women’s Championship Match: Charlotte defeated Sasha Banks (champion) to win the title. 

3. Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (champion) (with Maryse) defeated Apollo Crews. 

4. AJ Styles defeated John Cena. 

5. WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson defeated The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) (champions) via disqualification.

6. WWE Championship Match: Dean Ambrose (champion) defeated Dolph Ziggler. 

7. Nikki Bella, Natalya, and Alexa Bliss defeated Naomi, Carmella, and Becky Lynch. 

8. WWE Universal Championship Match: Finn Balor defeated Seth Rollins to become the inaugural champion. 

9. Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) defeated Randy Orton via knockout. 

My Review

SummerSlam 2016 is one long ass show. I’m aware that’s a bit of a redundant statement because, in the age of the WWE Network, every show is long and, more often than not, they’re also ass. However, the point still stands: this show is a whopping 4 hours and it’s not something you can digest in one sitting on a rewatch. For the record, I totally support making the SummerSlams and Survivor Series and so on seem just as big and important as WrestleMania. It’s fine by me for WWE’s Big 4 to feature absolutely stacked cards. Unfortunately, in modern WWE, this approach also results in the shows running out of gas midway through and some of the matches going on way longer than they should. The 2016 edition of the summer classic isn’t exactly the worst example of this trend, but it definitely shows similar signs of fatigue.

On top of that, it’s such a heel-dominated show. It’s only occasionally satisfying. In their crusade to make the audience finally embrace Roman Reigns, the WWE would pile on the heel victories in hopes the crowd would pop like crazy once the Big Dog got the W in the main event. It’s inherently flawed psychology to think the crowd is just going to accept a long-awaited face win from just anybody. That can really only work in a particular situation. Needless to say, it often failed because while Roman would get the W, the crowd still hated him. Worse here is that he doesn’t even wrestle on this show. So who was this booking supposed to benefit? I guess you could make the argument for Finn Balor, whose Universal title win remains a highlight of his WWE tenure. Even then, it was rendered irrelevant 24 hours later, as Balor would vacate the title due to injury.

With all that in mind, it shouldn’t be surprising that such a heel-heavy show ends on a rather depressing note. Brock Lesnar pummels Randy Orton into a bloody mess and that’s it. That’s the show. Fade to black. It would’ve been fine if placed somewhere in the middle of the card, but it’s such an awkward way to close up shop. They did have a pretty workable story going into the match, and I’m not gonna pass up the rare occasion to see Orton get beaten into oblivion, but talk about deflating. The whole thing winds up looking like a pale imitation of Lesnar’s squash of John Cena back at SummerSlam 2014. Oh, and there’s some drama with Shane McMahon at the end because, as we all know, that’s exactly what the WWE needs: more McMahon family drama!

The far more successful dream match is John Cena vs AJ Styles. Truly something special. It’s essentially the same finishing move and near-fall spam fest that plagues every major WWE main event, but I don’t mind it here. This is meant to be an epic blockbuster between two of the biggest stars in wrestling of the post-Monday Night War era. It makes perfect sense for both guys to throw all of their deadliest ammunition at each other right out of the gate. Styles was in the midst of one of the hottest stretches of his career at this point, but Cena deserves just as much credit here. It’s kind of amazing. For all the times he’s proven that he can rise to the occasion in a big match situation, there are still anti-Cena bros to this day who’ll deny it every step of the way. His record of putting people over isn’t perfect, especially at SummerSlam, but what he does for AJ here is pretty selfless. I don’t think even his haters can deny that.

Overall, SummerSlam 2016 isn’t a bad show by any means but, again, the length ensures it will inevitably start to drag. A shame, because there’s probably a pretty good show somewhere in here. It’s nice that the WWE is trying to make the biggest party of the summer feel important, but too much partying can make even the most diehard fan eventually feel pooped. 

My Random Notes

I can only imagine what someone like Jon Stewart really thinks of WWE’s comedy. I mean, he’s probably had plenty of experience doing his best with bad material, but you’d have to think he had to grin and bear it here at several points.

In light of Sasha Banks’ recent spat with the company, I can really see why she’d be frustrated with her booking. Would it have killed them to have her hold the Women’s title for longer than a month? I know an injury is cited as the official reason she dropped the belt here, but it’s still the first of several instances of them yanking the rug out from under her.

Man, Enzo and Cass were so frickin’ over. They’re such laughing stocks now that it’s quickly become lost to time how much the fans were digging them. Of course, they only have themselves to blame for fucking it all up, but they really did have something special there for a bit. 

Dean Ambrose in his black torn shirt gives me some serious Bobby Heenan singlet vibes.

Funny how the pre-match hype package for Dean vs. Dolph centers so much around who Dolph Ziggler is because, as I’ve stated here previously, I still have no frickin’ idea who Dolph is supposed to be. He’s some anonymous hybrid of HBK, Mr. Perfect, Billy Gunn, and an ‘80s Trapper Keeper with literally no individuality. I find it ironic that he later got into a storyline where he kept changing gimmicks only to never find anything of his own. What a summary of his entire WWE career.

Hey, Balor may have had to surrender the title 24 hours later, but at least this meant him getting another run with the belt in the future, right? Right?!?

Man, Nikki Bella was so frickin’ over. Why does it feel like I’m repeating myself? In all seriousness though, people can hate on the Bellas all they want, but in no way should it be surprising that they still get big pops. They’ve done more for WWE’s mainstream visibility than a lot of other superstars allegedly have.

Speaking of Nikki, crazy to think that she’s only one in the six-woman tag to not hold the Smackdown Women’s title.

I can’t be the only one who felt a little kick to gut when they showed fans waiting outside the now-deceased Toys R Us. I don’t need another reminder that my childhood is dead.

When did Lana drop the accent? I don’t watch Raw and Smackdown weekly anymore, but it horrifies me to know I let this travesty pass me by.

I know some people were upset they allowed The New Day to surpass Demolition’s record for the longest reign as tag champs but I’m totally okay with the decision. Sure, they occasionally get into terrible storylines like this ringpostitis shit, but they’re incredibly over, sell a ton of merchandise, and can wring out some entertainment from even the worst material. If they really wanted to insult Demolition, they should’ve given that honor to The Ascension.

[xaz-fr]

First - Previous - Next

Set in a fantasy world of the semi socialist society Fey Alliance with magic, dick head dragon riders, benevolent necromancer, and even bigger dick head gods of mischief. The Zealous Servant is the story about a guy named Spayar who, basically, has to keep his crown prince of a bff from being murdered by his entire family by murdering them first. Honestly though Spayar just wants to take a nap and find a cute boy to kiss and not have to worry about his corpse potentially being dragged through the street after a war. Better win that shit then.

I will only ping this particular list once and if you want to be pinged for future posts a like or reblog will get you on the next pinglist. Reblogs (especially with a dumb comment but not required) are way more appreciated as it allows other people to see the work.

@colorfulcollectordragon-2f8ee55c @crsedore @deadpool-scar-bro @golden-lionsnake @i-do-stuff-sometimes-notreally @barkingjester @journey-taken-fr  @lynxstorm27 @starry-ampelope

You get to meet Tassa in this chapter. She’s uh, the best. The only person more of a Judgmental Gay than Spayar is Tassa. 

3. City by the Sea

There was a messenger at the door. They were dressed in the pale blue of the messenger's guild, their tunic proudly bearing the golden insignia in the top left of his chest. It was gods’ balls early and Spayar had heard their light knocking through the window even up a story. His room wasn’t even above the door, Calli’s was, but Calli didn’t wake up for anything. So there was Spayar in barely his night clothes, half awake, at the door and this damn messenger was so chipper and awake. Spayar didn’t know them, but he hated them. “I have a message for Spayar Hillsman junior," they said.

"That's me," he said tiredly and rubbed the side of his face. Why was he alive this early? It hadn’t been fun while serving time and it wasn’t fun now.

"Royal message for you," and they reached into their satchel and pulled out a roll of paper.

Spayar groaned, “Why Von?” he grumbled. The messenger didn't move to go, "You want something?" he asked once he’d taken it.

"Tip?" he asked hopefully.

Spayar almost didn’t give him a tip, for waking him so early. But he wasn’t that much of a dick, this poor guy was just trying to make a living. "Just a tick,” he said.

"Sure," they grinned and Spayar went and found a bronze atrin that he handed to the messenger who smiled brightly, thanked Spayar for his time and left.

Spayar didn't open the message until he was back in his room and laying in bed again. He was going to look at it then go back to sleep. He rubbed his eyes and unrolled the message.

'Spayar, we're going to Peonia. Be at the Westerlance outside the Mire by the eighth bell. No belly aching. I'll buy you a pretty boy when we get there. V'

“Densinn’s tongue…” Spayar got out of bed to look out the window to the big clock tower, the Taldradin, in the Bellringer district that most of the city used to tell their time. It was half past the seventh bell. "Damn that man!" he yelled and rapidly got dressed, splashing his face with some cold water and started to rapidly get everything together, running back and forth from the bathroom and trying not to be too loud.

"Spayar, everything all right?" his mother poked her head out of her room from down the hall as Spayar left his own, fully dressed, his saddle bags already packed and over his shoulder.

"The prince is going to Peonia and dragging me along. I'll be back in a few weeks I'm sure," he didn't sound happy about it. Relora frowned, she'd been expecting more than a week with her son. But when a crown prince was your best friend you did what he said.

"Have fun," she said as he came even with her bedroom door just next to the stairs.

“I’ll try,” he groaned and went down the stairs. He walked across the house to the front door and left through the side yard to where his horse was waiting for him. She didn’t look happy to see him when he opened the stable door and started to put her tack on.

“I know. I know, girl,” he said patting her neck, she just gave a snort and shook her head a bit. “It’s Von okay? Blame him,” and she snorted as if to say, yes, of course she would blame Von for this. He finished saddling her quickly and he started down the street on her back he looked at the Taldradin. As he did the bells started to ring across the city, the eighth bell. He cursed under his breath the entire way down river after kicking her into a swift canter. He didn’t even have a chance to really take in the Mire and the destruction that had befallen it by the spring and early summer flooding.

Von was waiting for him on the road which was starting to get busy leaning forward on his horse, a big, long haired, roan stallion. "There you are, what took you?" Von asked once he saw Spayar.

"Well maybe if you weren't so stupid as to give me half a bell of notice I would have gotten here sooner," Spayar snapped, still in a rotten mood from getting woken up so  early. Normally he'd hold himself back from snapping at Von in public but he was tired and pissed.

Von didn't even seem to notice, or care really, "When I say the eighth bell, I mean the eighth bell, Spayar. Not half past it."

He just groaned in frustration, "Whatever, your royal pain in my ass. Are we going to Peonia or not?"

That brightened Von's mood considerably, "Yes, we are. Lets go, before my keepers realize I'm gone."

"Does anyone know you're leaving?"

"Nope," Von grinned deviously.

Spayar sighed and nudged his horse to follow Von as they turned down the Westerlance that led out of Assarus. There were four cardinal roads in the Alliance that came out of the norther capital like the spokes on a wheel. The Westerlance ran all the way from Assarus to the coast of the Shard, also called the gut, in a nearly straight line. Only the Southernlance was at all crooked and snaked it’s way down the Meltong from Assarus to Surassa and down to the Kas’ca.  Spayar had never properly divined why it went all the way down to the Kas’ca but road building wasn’t really a thing taught in school or by any of his tutors. It would take them four days by the road to reach Peonia nestled against the coast.

"What are we going to do in Peonia?"

"It's just a detour," Von said, "I want to buy something there and then we're going north to Nedrag."

Spayar blinked and prodded his mare up to keep pace with Von's stallion. You didn't just go to Nedrag. For starters there wasn't anything in Nedrag. It was a tiny city set between some cliffs and had no real political or economic importance. It was a city that existed and did some trade with other ports on both sides of the sea but exported little. Nedrag was a city you didn't visit for fun or a holiday either because there was nothing there, it was a fishing city, industrial.

Well, there was one reason you went to Nedrag. Next to the city, separated by only a single wall, was the Rose Garden, an area surrounded by a black wall and buffered against cliffs. The Rose Garden was home to the Rosalia, the governing family of Nedalia, and almost more importantly than that it was the one place on Priman'osta you could go to receive proper training to become a necromancer, a priestess of the death god, Lemp.

Meaning they weren’t going to Nedrag at all.

"You're going to see the new High Priestess?" few had yet to approach her. She was older than them by almost ten years but her mother had just died less than four months ago. He knew because four months ago the priestesses who served in the Arm with him had returned to the Garden for the funeral. The Garden had been mostly sealed since then, or so the priestesses said. But you didn't say no to a crown prince when he came to visit. At least Von hoped so.

"Indeed I am," Von said chipperly. "I heard her daughter's naming day is coming up. I also want to give my personal congratulations and empathy for her mother's passing," he had a pensive look on his face for a moment. "It isn't easy to lose a parent. Right?" he looked at Spayar for agreement. The fact that Von even asked would have been odd coming from anyone else. But because it was Von, he didn’t think twice that of course Von wouldn’t care if his parents died. He was plotting to kill them.

"It isn't," Spayar said. "It isn't a social visit though is it?"

"Oh gods no," Spayar said as they entered one of the main avenues and could put their horses into a quick trot. "Like I would go to the Garden for fun," he made a face, "That's why we're going to Peonia first," he smiled and Spayar just sighed and dropped back to create a single file with the stallion. Sometimes being the best friend of a prince was more trouble than it was truly worth.

—

Compared to their real destination Peonia was an epicenter. The largest and most important port along the coast of the Shard it was one of the most powerful cities in the entire Alliance.

Trade from all across Priman'osta flowed freely through Peonia, even from the Federation. The city was decadence given form and in the wealthy districts, closest to the Keep, everything seemed gilt or rimmed in jewels. In the main avenues of the Golden Peony district, the roads were made of gleaming white stone and the shops were all clean, the bouncers that stood outside nearly every one of them were well dressed and groomed. The traffic moved in an orderly fashion in Peonia unlike in even Assarus where things could get jumbled. Here the police enforced strict traffic rules, especially in the Golden Peony. There were so many people in Peonia, from so many different countries or cities that allowing everyone to do it the way they wanted would have just resulted in chaos.

"You see one you like yet?" Spayar asked Von as they led their horses down the avenue, staying with the flow of traffic. They were looking for a place to spend a few nights before continuing north to Nedrag.

"It isn't dark out, so I can't tell," Von said and Spayar groaned. Along with being an important trade hub on the Shard Peonia was also known as the pleasure city where you could satisfy any vice and just about any sin. Most of the most popular places in Peonia were the brothels, all of them filled with beautiful men and women. It was said the province of Aldash bred even their low commoners beautiful, that there was something in the air that made the people here pretty. Spayar was sure that wasn’t true but he’d yet to meet an ugly Aldashi. Maybe they were just hidden away.

"Von, we're here for an inn, not a bang,” he reminded the prince.

"Same thing," Von flapped his hand at Spayar, "and besides I said I'd buy you a pretty boy. So don't look so glum."

Spayar rolled his eyes, "I am quite capable of finding someone myself," he said.

"I know but I'll pay for it."

"Von you idi-

"Oh, that place," Von pointed to probably the most expensive inn in the Golden Peony. It was a four story building made of soft, pale, wood and creamy stucco walls. The roof was pitched steep and the overhang extended further down than was needed, which kept with the style of Peonia. Large flower baskets hung from the ends of the eaves and the doorman was dressed immaculately with a sapphire leopard lying by his side boredly. They'd paid a wizard to enchant a sign to glow even in the daylight, the large letters announcing it as the Swan Song Inn and Brothel.

Oh, lovely.

"You just had to pick the most famous one in the city didn't you?" Spayar sighed.

The Swan Song was said to have been the first brothel in Peonia, or at least where the Peony family had come from. You couldn't get a clear story about how the Peony had risen to power, the only thing all the stories agreed on was that the first Lady Peony had led an open rebellion against the old King Gerrin with an army of whores and bodyguards during the mid thirteenth century. Gerrin had been killed and she'd installed herself in his place. This was before the country of Aldash had become part of the Alliance in the early sixteen hundreds. But like most small nations here in the south they'd been happy to submit to the Asuras when they came knocking. It was that or fight and end up consumed anyway, or worse, burned to the ground like old Ballentine. Peony had become a major house after they’d bent at knee.

"It's the Swan Song, Spayar, of course we're going to stay there," Von said and they cut across the road to the brothel. A holster came to get their horses. "You get us a room, I'll see to the horses."

"And try to keep your hands to yourself, at least until we get situated," Spayar sighed as Von went with the holster to stable their horses. Spayar walked up to the door, the leopard growled at him a little but the doorman opened the door for him with a nod. Inside the Swan Song was like what it would look like inside a jewel. A grand staircase led up to the second floor where you could rent rooms or flesh and on the first floor was a place to sit, eat, or smoke with couches where women and men lounged, some fully dressed, some half naked.

Spayar ignored them and walked up to the second floor and the reception desk, "Hello sir," the man behind the desk was probably the ugliest man in the building but was still attractive. His skin was dark, common amid those who lived along the gut, the subtropical coast of the eastern Shard, and he wore many golden earrings on his ears and two on either side of his bottom lip. "Have you seen our girls-

"Not here for girls," Spayar said.

"Oh, well we have-

Spayar just sighed, cutting him off. "I just need two rooms. We’re here for the inn, not the entertainment I’m afraid,” Spayar said, "they should have a connecting door.”

"Oh, I see," he looked down at his ledger book.

"I want the best rooms you have."

The man looked him up and down, "Are you sure, sir? Or best rooms are very expensive."

"Yes," because of course Spayar looked like he couldn't afford them, dressed as he was in his riding gear and covered in dirt.

The man sucked one of the rings on his bottom lip, "Of course," he said and made a note in his ledger. He turned around to a wall full of small cubby holes for the keys and picked out two. As he did someone came up behind them, Spayar turned to find Von, with a porter holding their bags. "Can I help you, sir?" the pierced man asked.

"I'm with him," Von pointed at Spayar, "Get our rooms?"

"Yes, I got the rooms," Spayar said.

"They're going to the royal suits," the pierced man told the porter and handed him the keys.

"Why are you so boiled?” Von said as they followed the porter up the stairs to their rooms.

"Because you picked the Swan Song to stay while we're here."

"It's a nice place," Von said.

"I'm going to have to force you away from this place. Don't forget what we're doing here."

Von waved him away, "Don't you worry Spayar, I know well why we're here."

"Then act like it," Spayar scowled at him.

"Here you are, sirs," the porter said, they were on the third floor. He unlocked the doors for them and put their bags down inside each of the rooms. Von put a silver atrin into his hand as a tip and the porter left.

Von closed his door and followed Spayar into his, "Would you just try to relax a little?" he asked.

"I'm sorry I have trouble relaxing when we're on a trip to plan treason," Spayar hissed at him. "Don't forget that's what this is Von; this is treason."

Von frowned at him, "I know what it is Spayar. But I have to," Spayar looked away from him, because he was right. Von had four siblings older than him, and three younger. His mother had given her children plenty of reasons to be wary of in the form of their siblings. It spurred Von to do everything he did, including this plot to overthrow his mother before his older siblings did. If he didn't do it before them he'd die. Von didn't want to die. Spayar didn't want him to die either. They both knew he needed to do this since only an idiot didn't see how much his two eldest siblings craved his mother's throne. Especially now that Teldin was around, making a mess of things by imposing his presence on everyone and making his younger siblings nervous. Von almost didn't even want to be Asuras; he just didn't want to die.

"If you get the Rosalia you'll have a powerful ally," Spayar said and sat in one of the chairs in the room. He wanted to wash and change his clothes but he wouldn't while Von was here.

"It's a calculated risk. I could gain her favor-

"Or piss her off while she's mourning the loss of her mother."

“I know,” Von frowned. "I also want to try for the Drake, maybe.”

"Drake and Rosalia at the same time? You are certainly ambitious," Spayar said, "what would offer Lord Jollen to work with not just you, but the Rosalia?"

"I don't know yet."

Spayar drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair, "Well, you better figure it out."

"Can we try to enjoy ourselves while we're here at least?" Von asked and brushed his fingers across the top of Spayar's had. Spayar shivered and did his best to not let it show. Von smiled at him a bit as Spayar looked up at him, still moody.

Finally he sighed, "Okay."

"Excellent, now excuse me I need to wash. I saw there was a new show playing at the theater down the street. I’m sure someone would be happy to accompany me,” and he made for the door. "You find someone you like too-

"Bye Von!" Spayar yelled after him and Von laughed as he darted out of the door to his own room. Spayar groaned and rubbed his head. He was a masochist, it was the only explanation for why it was he did what he did and why he continued to torment himself. Maybe he should find someone to enjoy while he was here, some blond white boy with blue eyes would probably help. At the very least it’d be a start.

—

The streets of the Golden Peony were rather crowded as it got later. Spayar, Von, and a whore he’d bought from the Swan Song were on their way to a well known theater to watch one of the new plays showing. "So me and my friend are going to a party," Von was telling the pretty thing hanging off his arm as the three of them walked down the sidewalk.

"Really?" she asked, "Do I get to come?" she batted her eyes at him.

"I'm afraid not. I don't think your company would be welcome.”

"Nonsense, I make any party better," she claimed.

"It's for a three year old's naming day," Von said.

"Oh," she made a slight face and Spayar laughed.

"I don't think they're mother would appreciate me bringing you along," Von apologized. "But, perhaps you can help.”

"Anything," she said sweetly, holding onto Von’s arm with both hands.

"I have no idea what to get a little girl for her naming day," and the whore laughed. "Would you be able to help me with that?"

"I think I can do that, my lord," she said and leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. Von, if anything, looked sort of awkward and blushed, looking away. Spayar just frowned but resisted the urge to pull her off him. Von could do what he wanted.

"You didn’t find anything interesting Spayar?" Von asked him.

"Von," Spayar said, "I know you mean well, but really knock it off," he gave his friend a look.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, Spayar couldn't remember her name, it was Jasmine, or Camellia, or Lily or some flower name like the Aldashi liked to give themselves.

"My friend is being a stick in the mud," Von said as they arrived at the theater and got in line. Normally Von would just announce himself as a Le'Acard and not only would they be seen in that moment but they'd also get the best seats in the house. But Von didn't want others, especially Aklin, to know he was here. So they waited in line. "Can't seem to enjoy himself in Peonia."

"Oh my, that's terrible," she said, "Well I have some friends who might be able to help him with that," and Spayar just gave her an unamused look. It’s take more than a whore to make him flustered.

"See Spayar," Von grinned at him.

"I doubt it," Spayar said.

"Is that a challenge?" she asked him as they moved up in the short line.

"Spayar has a very acquired taste," Von said, "he isn't so keen on the fairer sex."

Her eyes changed instantly, she almost seemed disappointed, "The best looking ones always do," she sighed.

Von paused, looked between them and then said to Spayar, "I think she just called me ugly."

Spayar laughed, "I think she did," he agreed.

"Ah, no, never," she was quick to assure Von. "It's just we don't get many of his kind around here. Dirinnans aren't the most common sort even in Peonia and I know all manner of girls who'd love to get their hands on his dark skin," and this time Spayar wasn't the only one who flushed. The tips of Von's pointed ears turned pink. "I think I could find someone you'd like though," she promised with a sweet grin.

"I think that would be an excellent idea Mari," Von said. Of course; Marigold, how had Spayar forgotten that? Right, because he didn’t care. They they were at the kiosk, "Three balcony tickets," Von said and pulled out his purse. It was five and a half silver which Von handed over without looking and was given their tickets. "Should we get something to eat while we watch the play?" he asked Mari.

"Yes," Mari said.

"Spayar," he handed Spayar his purse, which was actually rather light, he'd left most of his money back at the Swan Song, "go get us something. And try to have a good time," he winked at him and led Mari to an usher who looked at their tickets and led them away. Spayar frowned after them a moment before going to find a concession.

One day he was going to be rewarded for all this errand running and mess cleaning. It seemed like the moment he'd met Von he'd become the man's keeper. When his tutor couldn't find Von for lessons they'd go find Spayar and even if Spayar didn't know where he was he was expected to locate the prince. He'd been picking up after Von for nearly ten years, sure he also helped make the mess most of the time but that didn't mean he always enjoyed the aftermath of it. One day he wouldn't serve a prince, but the Asuras and his advisors would be the one cleaning up Von's messes, that or Von wouldn't make so many damn messes.

A pretty girl took his order at the counter, they'd bring their food once it was ready, straight to their balcony. It was a service only offered to those who had one you had to prove with your ticket. He was paying when he felt someone looking at him. He paid he looked to find who was watching him.

He stared in complete confusion. What in the world? He stepped out of line and rubbed the middle of his forehead to clear his third eye because he was sure he was seeing things. But the woman was still there and she seemed just as surprised to see him. He went over to her.

“Tassa?” he asked, unable to believe she was here. Peonia was the last place he’d ever expect to see Tassa.

“Oh, my gods,” Tassa said, her eyes wide, “I didn’t think it was you,” and she hugged him. He hugged her back tightly. He hadn’t seen Tassa since he’d gone to serve time. Spayar had only a handful of ‘old’ friends, but she was by far the one he’d had the longest. They’d both gone to the same public magic school as children in Uptown. There Spayar, completely by accident, had made friends with the daughter Peony court representative during a mandatory magic class all gifted children had to take, so they didn’t end up blowing themselves or someone else up by accident. She wasn’t much of a court flower though and preferred to act like she wasn’t even related to a governing family at all. “It feels like forever,” she said, still hugging him.

“Yeah,” Spayar said and they parted. Tassa was, to be described in a single word; magnificent. She was probably the most beautiful woman Spayar knew, if only because he’d never seen more fools trip over themselves to win her favor with large eyes, elegant eyebrows, full, pouting mouth, small nose, wide hips, narrow waist and perfectly proportioned like Anceion had taken special attention to her vessel. Her long black hair was done up in ringlets and several expensive hair clips made of jewels and gold held it back out her perfectly shaped face accented delicatly with a golden lip ring on her lower lip. Her dress was extravagant and form fitting, leaving not a single curve to the imagination, and was a scathing blue color that matched her eyes and was almost hard to look at.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, still holding his arm.

“I’m here with Vondugard, we’re just… Visiting,” he said.

“I see,” she said, not believing him for even a moment.

“And what are you doing here?” Spayar asked. Tassa was a Peony, but not part of the main noble house. He knew Tassa hated Peonia and preferred Assarus where here father had raised her.

She sighed laboriously, “I’m visiting my cousin,” she admitted quietly. “He asked me to come to the opening of his new play he produced a month ago and well, I did. I’ve been here ever since.”

“You sound thrilled,” Spayar said dryly.

“He’s so incredibly boring Spayar,” she complained. “I think he’s trying to get me to marry his son,” she rolled her eyes. “He’s a Tann,” she said like that explained everything. To an Aldashi like Tassa is did as their familial hierarchy was strict. Tassa’s father was an Ito, third rank, Tann was sixth rank, the bottom of the familial pyramid. It meant Tassa and her cousin were removed from each other by blood at least three times. Not ideal but legal either way.

Spayar winced in sympathy, “Is his son at least bangable?” he asked.

“Not even,” she groused, “he hasn’t even served his time. He’s a boy. Oh, there they are,” and she forced a smile and waved over Spayar’s shoulder. Spayar turned around and saw an older man standing with a young man, waiting for her. The older man waved back. Spayar grimaced, her cousin seemed far too large for his clothes and his son hadn’t yet grown into his strangely large nose. Neither of them were ugly exactly but he could see why Tassa was upset. “Save me,” she said desperately, grabbing his arm tightly.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do about it?”

“Can’t I watch the play with you?” she asked, grabbing onto the front of his shirt. “Please?” she gave him her cutest pout.

“I thought we’ve been over this that I’m not at all impressed by your girlish charms,” he said dully.

“Don’t be annoying, Spay,” she said.

“Alright, you can see it with me,” he said, she smiled at him. “What about your cousin?”

“What about him?” she asked and he was about to clarify when she put her hand over his mouth and stage kissed him. A long stage kiss. He groaned in annoyance but at the very least played along, putting his arm around her waist. Then she let him go and ignored his annoyed look. “Just show me to your seats,” she said, putting her hand on his arm and lifting up the long train of her dress so the delicate fabric didn’t drag along the carpet.

“Won’t your cousin be mad?” he asked as he started to walk away.

“I’ve been here a month, he knows my patience is wearing thin. As it is I’ve already brought men home with me a few nights, and some of them came with the help of some coin. Hopefully now he’ll send me home.”

“One can only hope,” Spayar said dryly. “But was that necessary?”

“I wanted him to see I’m interested in men and not little boys,” she leaned against him a bit, “You’re the best man I know.” And he frowned a bit. That should have made him feel good about himself, but it didn’t in the slightest. It just made him feel like a jerk honestly.

They found an usher who directed them to the balcony their tickets were for. When they tried to send Tassa away she just told him who she was and he not only apologized, he bowed and said he hoped she enjoyed the play.

They climbed the stairs to the top floor and their conversation stopped when they saw someone crouched, eye against a door he realized was the balcony Von and Marigold were in. They wore the clothes of a middle class Aldashi, and didn’t look like they belonged and had no piercings on their ears other than a single one and a lip ring.

Spayar went over to them ad grabbed them by the back of the neck, making them stand. The man yelped in surprise and still holding their neck made them look at him, "What do you think you're doing?" Spayar asked with a mean smile.

"Uh..." Spayar recognized them. Not personally perhaps, but he knew who this man was.

He shook them roughly. "You tell the spymaster His Highness Vondugard is enjoying a trip uninterrupted to Peonia. If I find any of his men skulking around him while we're here I'll take their tongues like Anceion and have them kicked out of Peonia. You can tell him Hillsman told you. He’ll know I’m good for it,” he sneered. He probably wouldn’t but they didn’t need to know that. Tongue cutting was such an annoying practice, every interrogator and torturer said so. It made who they worked on useless. Especially if they were Fed or from some other country since unlike in the Alliance they didn’t tend to make sure everyone was educated enough to know how to read or write anything they weren’t supposed to.

“Y-Yes my lord!” they cried, terrified. Spayar tossed the man towards the stairs. They scrambled to their feet and nearly ran down the stairs. He saw Tassa make a subtle hand motion and whisper the words of a spell. They both heard the man lose his footing half way down the stairs and cry out as he crashed down the rest of the flight.

“That wasn’t necessary,” he told her.

“Spies and thieves don’t really get along well,” was her only excuse. “Vondugard and his flower are in there?”

Spayar just nodded and opened the door, he was surprised something more wasn’t happening with the way Marigold had been holding onto Von like he was a golden leopard. But they were just talking. From the slump of Marigold’s shoulders she looked bored and that made Spayar smile a bit. Spayar closed the door loudly and Von turned around in his seat. "There you are," Von said. Then his eyes drifted over to Tassa and they widened slightly. “Tassa,” he said, mouth open a bit.

“Your Highness,” she said and bowed, but she did it in the same way that Spayar did it where she did it to annoy him. But coming from Tassa it was far more elegant and less sarcastic.

"Food will be along in a bit," Spayar said and sat down on Von's other side.

“Who are you?” Marigold asked, practically glaring at Tassa. Spayar didn’t blame her for feeling threatened. Next to Tassa Marigold looked like a girl done up in woman’s makeup, applied too thick to hide the fact that she might not have been as pretty underneath.

“Tassa Ito-Hau-Peony, flower,” Tassa said with all the regality of her status and elegantly sat on Spayar’s other side, pulling the skirt of her dress up just so. Marigold positively wilted. “It’s such a pleasure to see you again Vondugard,” and it was like Marigold wasn’t even there. Von could only look at Tassa. Sometimes Spayar really did have to wonder about the allure women had on straight men. He never acted like this around handsome men. At least he was pretty sure he didn’t.

“Indeed,” Von said and swallowed, closing his mouth but still staring openly.

“Oh, the play’s starting,” Marigold said, drawing Von’s attention away from Tassa’s perfection towards the stage below. Spayar leaned over the banister to look down before leaning back again as the first few actors came out. Spayar wasn’t really watching. He was thinking about Aklin’s man. If he was here that was bad for all of them. Aklin and thus the Asuras would know Von was here within the day, if not a few bells depending if how quickly that spy could get to a post office and if it was even still open.

Intermission happened and the food was finally brought. They got up from their chairs at the front of the balcony to eat at a small table at the back of it. As they ate Spayar leaned over to Von to speak softly, "One of Aklin's men was outside your room.”

"They were? Damn," Von muttered.

"I handled it. But it'd be a good idea if we left tonight, or early tomorrow."

Von frowned, "We just got here," he whined.

"Yes. But my threat won't outweigh Aklin's orders to keep an eye on you for very long. This one was clumsy, the next one won't be."

Von sighed, "You're right-

"As usual."

"Only some of the time," Von said. "We'll leave tomorrow. I want to at least have some time here."

"Okay," he let Von go back to his meal, "we can always come back," he added, his voice level normal now, "after the party."

"Ah! An excellent idea Spayar," Von said, "Seems you can have some fun."

"Everything all right my lord?" Marigold asked Von.

"Nothing you need to worry your pretty head over," Von said and patted her thigh. Spayar just sighed softly.

They finished their dinner and watched the rest of the play, Spayar paying a bit more attention to it than before but was lost anyway because he’d zoned out during the first half. He could tell it was about some Aldashi legend involving a man with a bird’s head and something that looked like a strider but wasn’t fighting over the love of a woman. Or something, he was lost. He was just glad when it was finally over.

The four of them got up and left the balcony room, as they did Tassa put herself between Marigold and Von, putting her hand through Von’s arm. Spayar tried really hard not to laugh since Marigold immediately soured and Von looked beside himself.

“So what are we doing now?” Tassa asked when they left the theater. It was dark out and the street was lined and lit by alchemic lamp poles at regular intervals down either side of the sidewalk.

“We were going to buy a gift for a little girl’s naming day,” Spayar said.

“Oh, that sounds fun,” Tassa said.

“You weren’t invited whore,” Mari said in the same way regular Feylon did and not the way usual Aldashi would use the word. It was the only Aldrese word Spayar knew because Tassa had gotten fed up one day while listening to people from Assarus talk about prostitutes. He’d gotten the entire etymology lesson about the Aldashi word whore, which basically just meant an entertainer, some who did perform sexual acts, some who didn’t.

Tassa turned to Marigold, a placating smile on her face. It was similar to the one Spayar had seen on Sinco’s face as he told the Puke Brigade that no, the food was perfectly fine for consumption and couldn’t possibly be tainted. In possibly the most polite tone Spayar had ever heard Tassa speak she said something to the other woman. All in Aldrese and over Spayar’s head. Marigold got very pale and then flushed brightly in humiliation. Spayar cocked his head when Marigold stormed off.

“Tassa, I paid for that,” Von complained.

“From where, the street?” Tassa asked snidely, “slut,” okay Spayar also knew that Aldrese word too. Tassa also got mad at feylon who used that word incorrectly too.

“She works at the Swan Song,” Von huffed.

“The Swan Song is a tourist trap, your Highness,” she said, “the people there are third rate at best. Now, what was this about a gift for a little girl?” and she expertly guided Von away from the theater and the conversation of his bad taste in women, Spayar following after.

“We’re going north to Nedrag for the new High Priestess’ daughter’s naming day,” Spayar supplied.

“How old is she?” Tassa asked Von. Spayar couldn’t see Von’s confused face, but he could guess.

“She’s two,” Spayar supplied, “It’s her first daughter,” he added.

“Hmmm, I think… there’s a nice little shop just down the street. They’re mostly imports from across the Sea, but affordable, and carry jewelry and little this and such. Perfect for a little girl.”

“Then lead the way,” Von said, motioning to her. Tassa led them to a large store front, and within every surface was covered in something to be sold. Glass jars, scarves, gloves, Joti incense by the stick, rings, bracelets, and necklaces all hung from walls and off stands. It all looked to be incredibly high quality and each piece of jewelry was unique and had its own peg on the wall. In the shop front, behind glass, was a piercer, sitting on a stool boredly reading a book with pages that were well cat eared at the corners.

“I don’t want anything too gaudy,” Von said, still just following Tassa, not knowing at all what to get a little girl.

“Of course not,” Tassa cooed. “Maybe a hair comb from Anokai?” she asked and they stopped in front of an array of combs that you were supposed to leave in the hair as decoration as well as use it as a comb. “One with wide teeth,” she pointed at one with a bird on it. “Though the Nedalian love their deer,” and she pointed to another one of a deer curled up in the grass.

“Hmmm,” Von unhooked his arm from Tassa and started to really look at them hard.

Spayar went to stand up next to Tassa, “What’s your game?” he asked.

“None really,” she said, “that slut he bought just bothered me. I thought you’d have better judgement of who you let close to your prince,” and Von wasn’t paying attention to them at all. He was talking with the store clerk about what sort of comb would be best for the kinky sort of hair Nedalians had.

“And?”

“Let me come? If I say I’m going to a Governor’s daughter’s naming day it’ll be a good enough excuse to get out of here without being rude. You know my father is always telling me to be less of that,” Tassa said.

“Yes,” Spayar said, “and your father, wonderful man that he is, has the backbone of a squished grape,” and that made Tassa giggle just a bit. He’d met Kenna, nice man, very quiet and unassuming. Didn’t have a confidant bone in his body either.

“Please, Spay?” she asked sweetly.

He sighed, “I’ll ask. I don’t know if you can come.”

“Excellent,” and she kissed his cheek.

He grimaced and made a gross sound that made Von turn around and look at them, “Everything all right?” Von asked.

“Tassa’s just getting her girl germs all over me,” Spayar said making a grossed out face that made Von laugh a little. Tassa did not.

[taubenbeats]

Drake - Honestly, Nevermind (Guest Review)

A friend of mine, DJ Half Man Half Horse reached out to me asking to see if I'd be willing to allow a guest review. Hell yeah my man:

Honestly, Nevermind is the name of Drake’s latest release, a divisive release by the Toronto pop legend that no one seemingly asked for. Drake calls upon legendary house DJs (Black Coffee, Gordo) for simple beats which he cuts up and spits out with his over-the-top lyrics and auto-tuned gobbledygook. So how will the Drake formula work here? 

Simply put, it doesn’t. These tracks work best when the artist is nowhere to be found. You have to suffer through some truly awful quick hitters before landing on the first real house break. On “A Keeper”, the lyrically-regrettable build-up is short and stupid. Before the beat break, Drake confesses:

God is okay with me, so;  Life of that shade that you throw; I’ve seen you take it low; Limbo right under that ho; Fuck out my face

This bombastic nothingism is classic Drake, singing religious, aimless punch-backs on top of a shallow house beat that opens up beautifully about a minute later. It all ends too quickly as Drake whispers “Okay, okay” and unironically cuts the fade out before even reaching the the 3-minute mark. Can you even call this dance music? Or is this the Girl Talk-equivalent of a pop superstar who has become a meme, even as he begs to be taken seriously. The reductionism here is baffling; if Drake wanted to honor dance music, it’s nowhere to be found. The next track quickly leads off with a classic Drake build-up, only to be smashed down with a toxic cat call, spitting right in the face of anyone hoping that these tracks are club ready. If you know anyone singing along with this, it might be time to cut them out of your life.

Heralded as dance-heavy album, Drake bros are admittedly upset and confused by the artistic direction here. The rest of the tracks trail off into a wasteland of under-utilized beats and more terrible lyrics. At times, you’d be better served to just put on actual house music, where the drums are served up endlessly and the toxic masculinity is nowhere to be found. 

Overall, the album serves as an indicator that house music is quickly becoming mainstream. But the tracks work best in their original formula. 120 bpm, 8 minute tracks where a beat builds endlessly and possibly never breaks. Drake has been successful in the past with his formulas… building his intros slowly and then exploding out of the gates. It almost works on his track “Massive”, the longest and best track of the record, which relies on a beautiful come-and-go keyboard beat. If the whole album sounded like this, the hitmaker from the 6 could have been on to something. And the next track starts off with that classic minute-late Drake intro, but it’s clear the album has peaked. The next 3 tracks have a level of minimalism never seen before by the artist; finger snaps and airy guitar. Again, who asked for this? 

The auto-tune that is present throughout the album serves as a reminder that Drake simply can’t help himself. He’s a meme now, and even if he’s trying to pioneer a new wave of sound, he’s the hero no one asked for. There’s great beats and breaks here and there, but the spattering of ideas never converges into a coherent sound. The album ends with a 21-Savage feature that flies directly in the face of the rest of the album. It’s as if someone introduced Drake to house music during the pandemic, and his ADHD brain could only process so much of it.

Responding to the immediate memes and criticism of the album, Drake recently said:

“It’s all good if you don’t get it yet. It’s all good, that’s what we do. We wait for you to catch up. We’re in here, though. We’re caught up already. On to the next. My goodness.”

My goodness! Honestly, maybe this is exactly what he wanted. Next up for the hitmaker? A poetry book later this year. 

[dahmer]

oh pi! at es. ples. ples.

Oh! just, subtle, and mighty opium! that to the hearts of poor and rich alike, for the wounds that will never heal, and for 'the pangs that tempt the spirit to rebel,' bringest an assuaging balm; eloquent opium! that with thy potent rhetoric stealest away the purposes of wrath; and to the guilty man, for one night givest back the hopes of his youth, and hands washed pure of blood.... qtd // thomas de Quincey // Confessions of an English Opium Eater

here’s a man, once ill-tempered of turks and trendsetting vices, speaking to the grand stage of the world fashioned in this season’s epide-mock. a warm, fuzzy coatish wear nestled in the covers. small american towns know these styles too well to count body bags, along cotton pads and china scabs, among mother’s basements and luxury high risers graduating all from the fancy-feels certificate of blues. those roxy pebbles, how they start us so--an endless invitation to long summer warmth that childhood bathtubs and lawn-mower sundays would once bring.

when did the foil side decision set in. was there truly a technique to not waste the evaporated smoke, or just somedaze endless-ego-talk of the mighty soldiers in the opium army of guilt. shame, yes sir! solute to toot, scrap the straw edges as the hours pass waiting for the guy with the goods. were you in california when fent came along, past the liquid patch of time-released days. the recents 16s, 17s, two thousands eighteens. labs grade, synthesizing variations to parade as china. “east coast man, east coast shit. it’s the best ever. no, nah nah bro, i got you. bud took one point, was on his ass for hours. nod on fire.”

did chemists know the china rhetoric will turn fent-for-all. markets of east coast fantasies, oblivious to west coast privileges. of potency. of people. of starry nights in smashing pumpkin music video dreams, riding through hollywood as a secret member of the powder variety. it’s a plague paraded as a epidemic because that word has no world of meaning to the good folk playing their igno-rent; recycling stigmas of junky choice rattling thrillists. despite the proof inside the bottles. the truth in every bottle. in every cabinet. of every person. with every doctor. who ever felt. the normalcy sensation of one of the most blanked words: pain.

pain is surely what that just, subtle, and mighty opium! creates in the hearts of the poor and rich alike. the rich die often in the experimentation state of emergency someone labeled as ‘the opioid problem’--problem? oh lily, you know as much as your wilted leaves and neighboring trees the silly stamp we slap when using ‘problem’ to critically deconstruct something magnificently complex.this ‘problem’ has destroyed empires for centuries. it’s notorious and makes no attempt to conceal its power in narrative recollections of the living  authors that have spoke the truths of humanity across language, land, and lives. yet big pharma pulled off opana and roxicodone in the last 20 years. if there’s any declaration of the fools ruling the castle in modern times, this must be the great exemplary act. the profit of pain, oh yawn. i’m sure the academic discourse that has capture this best is brilliant it construction and nature, but what difference does it make in an opiated masses?

i’ve not canceled my subscriptions to the periodical dual tragedies of the early 21st century, as they remain unchanged and unchallenged: (1) a sheer lack of empathy in the common man; (2) the curious and devastating complacency and lack of outrage to what seems to unfold before our eyes, rapidly and carelessly so now that it’s almost as if those navigating the unseen lines of powers that be mock us, appropriately so. if we’re no opiated, we’re not outrage or active either. generalization? yes. but for those who fall outside of this, fight causes that continually reveal themselves as premeditated chess pieces in the political playing field that has seep into dominating the social sphere that delivers use a constantly-running facet of media and targeted, privatized ads.

i am an addict.

i can clean. M knows. some family knows. the weight that has been lifted is ineffably enduring. i’m frustrated, naturally, at the golden years missed. the creativity, the goodness of my heart, kindness of soul, charity, intellectual ability, sincerity, and passionate interests. how they dulled and disappeared. the weight of their reappearance should be the least of my worries, and for now have been. i’m only a week into my methadone treatment program. but my partner knows now. and that was the missing link, that was needed for so long. he left. i stay in the apartment alone. had the worst week. four days into starting treatment, i get arrested on a fix-it ticket that never was completely closed in a difference country because the DMV didn’t inform the courthouse I’ve squared everything away. I was given a new court date to bring this documentation in myself after final payments were made and the matter seemed settled. but the letter was sent to my old apartment, so i was completely unaware a warrant in los angeles was issued. a few short blocks away from my new apartment in newport beach, where M returned for the first time since walking in on me and learning of the addiction that exposure so much (that was the most bittersweet, hard, important, thankful, and devastating night of my life--but revitalizing. I never realize how much everything rested on just M being told or finding out.). I’m almost home, about to see it, sirens go on. get pulled over. second car arrives. i’m in cuffs. call my works, and text M to say I wouldn’t be coming home to give him space.

at this point, i was told i would be transferred to LA that night, and see a judge in the morning. have everything taken care of. but orange county SA jail is notorious for lies and abuse. there was no intentions of this, and i went from holding cell to orange jumpsuit soon enough. smart this time, i disclosed my sexuality. was given a special block, with an actual two-person jail cell. like the movies. my cell mate was great. jason ciega. curious sexuality. talked heavily about girlfriends, but made subtle jokes that went: “when you’re expecting pussy, but life gives ya dick... but hey, there’s nothing wrong with that too.” He vaguely mentioned his sexuality was “whatever”--I respected and explained why I identify as queer. i have some hidden white china fent mix left i snuck in, even after the cavity search. I stressed needing the bathroom for diarrhea, in fear of the 4-6 gram rocks being found. they kept stressing if i had drugs, it would be another charge. but with my profession work title, they didn’t really consider that with me. i hated that i had to use again so early in treatment, but this avoided the sickness. and made me sleep through the day and a half before M bailed me out. when i got celled up with jason, he shared his rations he bought, like cookies and stuff. i shared my china, in very small doses. he still O.D.’d. turned blue and purple, unconscious, eyes behind head. he took off his shirt after sniffing the first baby bit. i snorted probably 30x what he did, and barely felt something, tolerance. his speck had him worried after 5 mins. “I don’t feel it”

I tell him it wait another 5-10 mins at least. he starts ripping up my mattress and sheet to make a pillow and bedsheet. at first i’m scared this would cause the jail keeper to punish or abuse me. i saw it happened. beds are supposed to be returned in the form they were given. but the special blocks for “protective custody” and queers were treated with more respect, out of fear I assume. The regular jail area is a massive shared space with dozens of rows of beds, and people organized and grouped by race and gangs that you must join right away. I was glad I didn’t have to endure that. I did briefly at 19 for an alcohol in public ticket. only spent 4-6 hours in actual jail-orange-suits area after 10-15 hours of hold cells then. realized how racially divided even jails were. but this experience was more pleasant, given the circumstances. before jason began nodding out, he was fun and talkative in an enjoyable well. he revealed a great chest and body--small frame, but bulky build with tattoos. an insecure boy turn nice guy that acts like one of the guys. referenced odd jokes that seemed code for him being a bottom, and wanting sexual companionship if we ended up bunking for awhile. mutual only, of course. i laughed these attempts off. jason was lonely, and i wasn’t there for inmate sex. i’m in love with M, and still spent every moment worrying and texting about him, and what i’ve done to him. how little he knows about this addiction, how much his family might enable him to think narrowly or ignorantly about the realities of this as a disease.

M abandoned me the day I began treated, 2 mornings after he caught me and everything in our lives froze. we sat on the bed that night, side by side, for hours. him crying in his hands mostly, for hours. me frozen in a wave of emotions. i was a fault. i was honest and told him everything. this was the only thing i kept from him, and told him why. the shame, the guilt. the fear. losing him. rejection of me, disposal of my efforts and love from him and his family. he said we needed time apart. i begged him to be there for me, no matter what the outcome was of our relationship, at least in the beginning. knowing this is the most crucial time to have a support system. he expressed things like believing I’ve just been high this whole time, and asked questions that extracted as much shame and guilt as possible. he had every right to. it’s all i’ve see him and his twin ever do. to the point of their older brother needing serious psychological helping, crying out literally shouting how suicidal he is, but they fail to understand how mental health works, how humor and jokes are masks that should be taken seriously. M was hurt most that I lied. I did lie. Not directly, but did lie at times when he asked why i was in the bathroom for so long. It was unspoken, so it didn’t feel like lying. More like protecting, but it was lying. And I will forever be in the wrong.

Going to jail may have ruined any chance of him coming back. And I can’t stand that thought. He doesn’t know what I’ve been going through. How long it took to be honest about my addiction, what steps I took to try to get clean on my own, the lies you convince yourself off--that you can do it alone, that it’ll work out, that you’ll run out of money so you’ll have to stop. My only other treatment attempt told me I must tell M. He’s the closest to me that I love and trust, who is a good influence, not a user, and could be my support system that sees me through this, and can monitor me during the first 3-7 days that are most crucial. M mentioned how he could have come home to find me dead. O.D. we watched docs and podcasts on the epidemic, but they don’t go into how hard this experience is. How withdrawal is considered one of the hardest things a human can possible do in life, and takes incredible amounts of courage, strength, and dedication that M will probably never even experience in his life. The reports just assume people know this stuff. And under-represent who is most likely to O.D. I’ve never come close. I haven’t been high in, years. I used to stay normal. M, and others like him--those who don’t know--don’t understand that. I was never chasing the dragon. I hate the addiction, quickly. I was too smart for it. Too focused and dedicated to have this problem.

But I did, and unless I dose a certain amount, I couldn’t function. Bedridden in the worst sickness imaginable. To those who’ve experience withdrawal, it’s not just the constant, non-stop, extreme physical sickness. It’s the relentless psychological sickness. Torture. That doesn’t even given you a 30 second break. Hearing that your sick for 3-5 days might sound easy because we call it “getting sick” or “dope sick”--but it’s a far worse experience that can even be fatal for some. My finances and lack of wanting to be doped out, nodding and unproductive all day luckily allowed my addiction to plateau at taking a certain amount to stay well, and doing that everyday for over a year. Til I was caught. It would slightly increase, but fluctuate, based on product, potency, and source going around. I never shot. Only snorted, that was my ritual. And when I was stupid, I would smoke. It was a waste, that burned through product much faster. Which meant more money and time dedicated to staying well. The consistent tolerance and dosing makes my chances of O.D’ing incredibly low. If M knew me as an addiction, which he couldn’t--I never disclosed--he’d know this was hell. Torture. Something I spent endless nights up all night wishing, hoping, begging for change. 

The fright came from the Friday I got into a detox treatment program. I told him two nights before I needed him for supported. He made a sly remark about “what, you’re going to force me to stay around or you’ll OD and die if I don’t”--but it was among other things, so it was unclear what would happened. And days past, with little words exchanged, but M stayed around. When he returned from work, I was in bed and he has if I stayed treatment. I said yes, but didn’t explain or speak confidently out of fear of him not knowing what these treatments were, how much research I’ve done, how I picked this on purpose with a goal to get off treatment drugs soon too and never be dependent on a substance. He didn’t ask much questions. He shortly said it’s good, then revealed he’s packing up and staying at this parents for the weekend. I froze in silence. He packed and said some of the same narrowed perspective claims from the other night--how my sibling and her spouse are there to help me. M thinks because they’ve both been in AA, and one is an ex-heroin addict in healthy, long-term recovery that they can just drop their full time college, 3 jobs, and toddler to take care of me. They’re wonderful support systems, but the detox clinic described who needs to be around the first 3 days for my outpatient detox, and it perfectly defined M. 

But I must respect M’s decisions, feelings, angry, and pain. He has his own healing to do. All I said was that I need support more now than ever, so please don’t forget me. This was in response to him saying I could always call him if I needed something--which was worded in a way that read like ‘call in emergencies, but I’m out.’ So I went through it alone, all 3 days. In bed. I called a friend for xanax, even though you have to be very very careful taking both. I was, and needed to sleep if no one would be there to check on me. At this time, I thought either M felt his hurt and pain outweighed what I was going through, and that’s understandable regardless of my experience actually being a life-threatening disorder. What I wish he knew was that most people who O.D.--the ones on the news all the time. It’s most from relapse. Stopping, detoxing, getting clean. Then a trigger happens, or hope gives up, opportunity comes, or you feel alone and no one cares. Whatever the reason, you return to the drug and take a similar dose, or even smaller dose, than what you were doing before. But your tolerance fades as quickly as it builds, and is different for everything. So most O.D. deaths are simply from people relapsing and taking too much without knowing where their new tolerance stands. Any temptation or relapse could be my last breathe.

I still live in that fear, but I’m motivated and happy to finally get clean. It’s all I wanted, I just couldn’t do it alone. And knew this. The summer realized it most. I spent the summer trying to find the right time and opportunity to tell M. He has no idea how many plans and times and moments I wanted to. Even my trip to NYC. I wanted t come back clean so bad. It doesn’t work that way, You need those in your life who support and love you to help. That’s what a relationship is. It’s like if I was diagnosed with cancer. But social misconception and outdated conception allows this opposite, toxic reaction. Where now I exist in this constant mental cycle that centers on figuring out what to do for M. It would hurt my sister, so that would be my biggest regret, but I think M wants a gift from me more than anything; however, knowing him well, he’d never ask. If I just gave it to him, he’d be free. No more doubts or embarrassments or beating himself up about not knowing or what others would think. No more hating and shaming me. He wouldn’t ever have to deal with it, which is what I realize he wants in life. Where we disagree. I can’t play video games and ignore maintaining healthy efforts all day. He’s made great improvements, but blind to others that allowed him to say hurtful things like without even consciousness of it, but would be shocked and hurt if someone said the same back to him. This created a state where if anything that required him to get up from playing video games in his ‘free time’ (non work hours) is a drag that he resents or avoids at all costs. It cost the friendships built between my closest friends, who love him and he claimed to love them. This constant thread was something I battled with most. I would count the weekends I would spend doing whatever he wanted--hanging with siblings, friends, work functions, friends parties. 11 weekends go by, then one movie night with my friends and he wouldn’t even pretend to want to go. It hurt, but I learned other people’s needs are an annoyance or deterrent to his rightful ability to be glued to the computer. I know this was a big factor in never bringing up my addiction. Already he hated any serious conversations, even if I tried to make them positive about reaching goals. Even mentioning one would cause eye rolls and audible disgusts, vocalizing how he just doesn’t like them or “aren’t good at them”--which never made sense to me. I understand he didn’t like to have conversations that implied he’s less than perfect or right, but it creates this wall around you where no one will ever be able to grow or talk or really improvement your or our lives together. I didn’t think much of it. But now that I’m learning my triggers, I’m not blaming M. It will always be me. But I regret starting to pick up his habits in attempts to try and connect more with him, and be closer. I started playing video games more and more, and all my interests disappeared. There was never a time I played video games that didn’t require going to the bathroom and dosing. I couldn’t live that life. But I wanted to build a life with M. When he stopped talking an interests in sharing my activities, I doubled down with his. But things that felt non-productive and antisocial to me became triggers.

There are other issues that caused distance and perhaps his lack of interest or investment in my friends and desires. One, my addiction. Where my interests began to dull. A terrible cycle that grows like a fungus, and can stem from one activity to get closer, but affect another. Also, I gained a considerable amount of weight. This was before my addiction started, but at a time that M became less physical. Then associated it with my weight gain. This was always curious. All compliments, words of encouragement, positive reinforcement, or sexual intimacy ceased, yet I was expected to work harder on health. I should have, but I never went a period of my sexual life where exercise and health were part of my routine because it continued my ability to have a sexual life. In a serious relationship, taking this element away makes it hard to understand how or if anything would restore such intimacy sense there’s no expression, communication, or honesty from M. Just gestures and small hints. He experienced some weight gained, and when he finally got a job after college--after 8 months of playing video games all day as I worked 2-3 jobs 6 days a week plus went to the gym, cleaned the house, and made dinner most nights for him and our roommate--he took up the gym and has done a great job focusing on getting in shape. I expressed this once, and it was something that was some important and meaningful because it consumed by consciousness, but I still wonder a year later if he understood or truly took to heart pointing out that when he got a full time, professional job and began working out after work, he came home daily needing positive reinforcement, acknowledgement, and encouragement about his gym efforts. Even in the early stages when not much can be seen.

I expressed that before grad school, when I really gained the weight from the stress and demands, I too signed up for the gym after my first, full time professional job after college. On top of this, I continued working on Sundays at a restaurant doing back-breaking labor I underplayed because tips were good. My one day off--Saturdays--I spent putting our first apartment together, shopping, planning, going to every family event or friend invite he extended, while keeping up with cooking and cleaning. During this time, M never acknowledged my gym efforts, progress, or work. I think once he complimented me in a tank, but apart from that, I believe he saw that this was just my role. Expected and easy, like it was nothing to essentially try my best to be the best version of myself, be the best boyfriend I could be, build a relationship together, and not ask for anything in return. This felt like my nature, so I didn’t think much of it at the time.

It wasn’t until I started grad school, and he began what I had already gone through: entry level at first professional job. I don’t know why I’m writing about it now, but it hurt he was doing it in a way that made it seem I had no idea what this was like because of my current shape, and my support was expected, not appreciated. M has never been too expressive, but any acknowledgement or encouragement while attending Gold’s gym after work each day in DTLB would have done so much for my self-esteem, our intimacy, his care and support, or just mutual respect I guess when the tables turned later. I still continue to compliment and support. But the thought is always there. What is it about me and what I do, the effort I put in, that seems just expected. Demanded. Not a privilege or sign of care, affection, and love. But “do your damn job”--but then anyone who does the same or a fraction of the same things has the right to guilt or shame me in not being supportive or caring enough. Why do I just exist to replace the role of M’s parents, perhaps, but my efforts aren’t even acknowledged to the same degree in how M views what his parents do. 

The shortcomings are what he’s most expressive about. Like I have a savings account like him, and just not paying  for things I literally cannot. I didn’t have my parents pay for college, a car, half my rent, bills, and little things in life M takes for granted. I pay for everything. And even having one or two things taken care of by parents allow young adults to live remarkably more comfortable lives that they’re blind to. They don’t understand the luxury of saving every paycheck because their parents pay for everything else. Or maybe it’s me, and my fault for having interests, and occasionally spending money on exploring interests to acculturate my life. Understanding myself, people, and culture better. Be a strong global citizen,

I don’t know. A lot of these claims are unfair to M. He avoids serious conversations, but most of this has come up. It’s just been treated with silence. When he caught my addiction last week, he kept repeating how hurt he was that I lied about it. He’s right, but I couldn’t shake the feeling... when would I ever been able to tell you and you wouldn’t act this way? Was there a time limit when you would have been supportive? Where you would have stayed and ensured I didn’t die during the most crucial period? Would there ever been a time that you didn’t just dismiss it as all my fault, so shame and guilt are the only things I’ll get from him while I need to seek treatment options on my own. That’s not how treatment works. In everything I’ve read, it says the same thing. This is a family problem. You need support. Loved ones. Care. Compassionate. Understanding. If these were never things that would have been offered, why is the main drive of pain from me lying? I did lie, so that’s valid. But it hurts because I don’t know how he truly feels, and sometimes it just goes through my head that this is the reason he’s been waiting for. I haven’t lied or cheated or hid other things. I’ve talked to other guys online, but came clean when caught. And that did hurt trust between us. But I never lied or hid something when we talked about it.

I write all of this because last night he texted me asking to meeting up this weekend to talk. I get excited because it means, after a week, maybe he wants to just sit and ask questions or express anger or frustrations or what’s on his mind. I send him my availability all weekend, with details. He takes hours to respond, but around 2am he says he’s free Saturday and Sunday. This is Friday night, and I see he’s at someone’s house--probably a party--that I didn’t know of. So maybe he’s drunk, but oddly he responded to my availability with just saying he’s free Sat and Sun--not setting a day or time to meet and talk. I don’t respond. It’s late and he says he’s out with friends since I mentioned I was even free that night back when I responded at 9pm when he first asked if I was free to meet and talk this weekend.

Today the morning goes by and I don’t hear from him, but he sent the last text. S at Noon I ask: “do you want me to pick a date and time then?” No answer.

A couple hours later I tell him I’m going to the gym later, and an NA meeting the next day (Sunday) if he wants to join me at either of those for an alternative meet up option--hopefully implying if he doesn’t want to just chat face-to-face, we can do something healthy that shows him I’m working hard in recovery. No response.

Both texts show read receipts. He read that right away, and Find My Friends shows he’s still just at his parents house. Been there all day, but ignoring my texts. Perhaps he was drunk when he texted me Friday night saying he wanted to meet up. I ran with it too quickly then because I miss him like crazy, worry about it, and just think about him and this situation constantly. Plus he bailed me out of jail for $5K of his own money this week on top of all of this, and that’s the last I saw him. 

As the day progresses, it starts to dawn on me. Most of his stuff is still at our apartment. We still live here in how it’s set up, and how he’s briefly used it this week. But he’s mostly stayed at his parents, which is understandable since he needs time to figure out how to make sense of this or what to think... which is how I believe he worded it when he left the day I started detox. I think he said “because he feels conflicted.”

But if his stuff is still here, and he knows my schedule, and I know his, he knows we’re both mostly free Saturdays and Sundays. So he could come home either day and sit down to talk when he sees I’m home, Granted, he hasn’t asked about how recovery or detox is going, or shown interest in caring about how I’m doing. He’s not there, and clearly I’m in a state where I agree in the sense that I worry about him most. He doesn’t express his feelings, and this is not something he can just avoid or pretend to go away. He needs to face it. But then I realize what “we need to meet up and talk” means in a relationship after a major issue happens, and one person moves out for a week, leaving the status open-ended, stating we need time apart, and then gets stuck paying $5k while trying to distance (on top of all the money I own him for rent and impound fees last summer). This talk usually means one thing, and I start to panic. Even more so because he’s dodging my texts to follow up about setting a meeting time and date. If M had the liquid courage to ask, but not is faced with following through sober, it would be like him to just ignore me. And he’s definitely ignoring me. Maybe because he just wants me to suffer or leave him alone. But my fear and anxiety has skyrocketed since last night. I’m consumed in fear with the idea that he’s wanting to meet up to end our relationship. I would understand why, but I realize, despite everything, I really really am in love with Michael. My addiction made me not a great boyfriend to look at or be around I’m sure, but I’m confident the person I’m returning to now that I’m free and in recovery is someone that he would benefit from growing with. Many also have expressed they think  this process will help M in the long run too, as things became static and this may needed to happen to reevaluate things and take us to the new heights we wanted and deserve.

M would have a hard time standing up for himself and dumping me, so when I was asking him if I should set the date and time, I starting thinking.. am I actually having to plan getting dumped for him? That’s not fair. This is the most emotional fragile state I’ve ever been in, and although he has every right to make that decision, and reasons to back it up, and not care about actually exercising real support that couples give each other, that’s fine. I would have to just respect the decision. I fucked up. And I knew who M was before we started dating. I just always think.. is he going to find someone else who doesn’t care about wanting basic needs and emotions and thoughts exchanged, shared, and supporting in a relationship? Abandon me, but that wouldn’t make these issues go away. Anyways, no one around him can offer me insight to his state of mind. So I fear the most devastating and hurtful decision and experience of my life is around the corner. Maybe even tomorrow. And despite our lease tomorrow until April, and the life we built together, M may just walk away from it all. Claiming he can’t trust me anymore as the main reason. And that trust is solely from hiding my addiction. Something I see now, given his reaction, why I did. 

Jonathon Van Ness, in a recent podcast “Getting Curious” with an addiction specialist at UCLA discusses shame in addiction, and defines it as this idea where “if you knew this one thing about me, you wouldn’t love me anymore.” This definition makes a lot of sense, as to why I could never tell M. If he knew, I would lose his love. And his love was holding me together, and giving me hope that someday I can fix this, overcome this, get help, get better, get fit, be the best version of myself again and beyond.

But now I just wait by my phone, wondering if I should send a 3rd text. The last one was around 3pm, when my day was freeing up for the rest of the weekend. So he could have arranged to meet at any time. Maybe inviting him to the gym or a meeting was too off-putting--like i WANTED that or something. But I just want to give options since just asking for a basic plan yielded no results. I don’t know if I should leave him alone. If he needs more time. If I push, I push him farther away. Or if ignoring makes me feel insecure and think I don’t care or think about him. That I just think about using again or getting clean, and he’s not longer important. This is farthest from the truth. All I want is to not fall asleep alone in bed anymore. I want M back by my side, cuddling me and us to sleep. But even then, I fear or believe that M doesn’t feel he can do that and feel safe or comfortable anymore, even though I think he wants this again too. But the trust that’s missing is something that will come in time. Through my actions. Through my recovery. And if only he were here to hold me, he would understand that my recovery means everything. Not for him, for me. But I am his, so a better me is a better him. I just want him to know he’s loved and cared for. I don’t want him to feel alone, upset, and sad. I want him to ask questions, even yell, shame, guilt. Do what he needs to do. Isolating himself alone in his room at his parents house is not going to help him heal, with or without me.

And for some reason, as I heal, I need to know who I affected most is healing. Because the truth is: I can’t stop thinking about killing myself since this happened. Not because I want to, but because I think it’s the one thing that would end his healing process, and make his life better. Even if it meant I would lose mine. So be it.

[prettylittleliarsxxxx]

Shay Mitchell might be out of Rosewood (for now… more on that below) but the 30-year-old actress is hard at work on her upcoming Lifetime series, You, and she exclusively dished all about the psychological thriller to ET.

“It’s juicy… It still has all those elements that PLL had with it being sort of a mystery, there’s a romance part to it and it’s just exciting,” Mitchell explains. “It’s definitely going to have those elements. I think it’s a little bit more mature… It deals with a lot of crazy things like PLL did, but it’s a different storyline. If you loved PLL, you’re gonna absolutely love You. And if you never saw PLL, you’re still going to love You.

Ýou is based on Caroline Kepnes’ best-selling novel of the same name, and Mitchell says following up her seven-season run on Freeform with another show based on a book is a major plus.

“I’ve had good luck with that in the past, and it’s just a show that I would be so excited to watch, whether I was on it or not,” she says.  “It’s gonna stay fairly close [to the book] I'd say, the same way that we did with PLL. There’s a common thread from the book that goes into the show and I think the same is true for You.”

Something that will be totally different?  Mitchell’s character, Peach Salinger, is a stark contrast to PLL’s Emily Fields.

“Peach is the complete 180 from what Emily was,” Mitchell says. “She is known to be not the nicest, so she is quote un-quote the “mean girl,” but you know she does have a love for Beck (Elizabeth Lail), the main character, and you'll see that. She has, um, a very interesting relationship with her.”

Mitchell says getting into the queen-bee mentality was a challenge.

“I actually catch myself sometimes ‘cause I feel bad, you know? I'll say my line that’s written for me and I’m just like, ‘Sorry!’ I don’t mean to sound like that, but it’s fun, it’s so fun.”

The series also stars former Gossip Girl actor Penn Badgley, whom Mitchell couldn’t praise enough.

"I don’t know anybody who wasn’t a Gossip Girl fan, you know? Me and my friends loved watching it,” she reveals. “Penn is so hilarious… he’s a goof on set even though he plays a kind of a serious character and we have a lot of fun. We've worked with a lot of the same directors and know a lot of the same people, so… to come together, it’s really cool.”

Mitchell's former PLL co-star, Sasha Pieterse, is also prepping for her next venture – on Dancing With the Stars! And it’s safe to say we should expect an ‘Emison’ reunion in the ballroom.

“Sasha is, like, the best secret keeper. She truly did not tell any of us. She told us there was something in the works for something, but we had no idea, so I’m super excited,” Mitchell dishes. “If I’m in L.A. and the show is airing, I will be more than happy to be sitting front row, screaming the loudest for Sasha, 100%.”

And Little Liar fans – there’s also still the possibility of an actual Rosewood reunion.

Mitchell played coy, but did joke that, just like Sasha with DWTS, she too is a “good secret keeper” – and teased, “Anything is possible in Rosewood, right?”

And just saying... a spinoff would make sense. After all, Mitchell has signed an exclusive multi-year pod deal at Warner Bros. TV – which produced PLL and is producing You. *smirk face*