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WWE WrestleMania XXVI

Date: March 28, 2010.

Location: University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona. 

Attendance: 72,219.

Commentary: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker. 

Results:

1. WWE Unified Tag Team Championship Match: ShoMiz (The Miz and Big Show) (champions) defeated R-Truth and John Morrison 

2. Triple Threat Match: Randy Orton defeated Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. 

3. Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Jack Swagger defeated Christian, Drew McIntyre, Dolph Ziggler, Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, Kane, Montel Vontavious Porter, Matt Hardy, and Shelton Benjamin. 

4. Triple H defeated Sheamus. 

5. Rey Mysterio defeated CM Punk (with Serena and Luke Gallows).

6. No Holds Barred Lumberjack Match: Bret Hart defeated Vince McMahon. Bruce Hart was the special guest referee.

7. WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Jericho (champion) defeated Edge. 

8. Layla, Alicia Fox, Maryse, Michelle McCool, and Vickie Guerrero defeated Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Gail Kim, and Eve Torres. 

9. WWE Championship Match: John Cena defeated Batista (champion) to win the title. 

10. No Disqualification Career vs. Streak Match: The Undertaker defeated Shawn Michaels. Per stipulation, Michaels retired.

My Review

WreslteMania XXVI is a difficult show to sum up. It’s a pretty good WrestleMania, but also one that happens to be all over the place in tone and focus. Perhaps its reflective of how indeterminate the future of the WWE felt at the start of the 2010s. The roster was such a mishmash of eras that you’d be forgiven of not having a clue where the hell the company was going. John Cena, Batista, and Randy Orton were at the top of the card after their rise to superstardom in the 2000s, but the spotlight was still shared guys who rose to stardom in the ‘90s like Triple H and The Undertaker. Then there was a new generation of talent—The Miz, Sheamus, Drew McIntyre, etc. — bubbling in the undercard who seemed poised to rocket into the top at any moment. But wait! Time was also given to  . . . the 13-year-old feud between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon?!? Suffice to say, with the show splintering off in so many different directions, it’s not surprising it has some misfires.

Let’s start with the good stuff, though. The main event between Undertaker and Shawn Michaels is fantastic and I’m gonna throw it out there that I like it more than their match from the previous year. The stakes feel higher, the suspense level feels higher, and there’s more of a story here than just Shawn needing to beat Taker. He puts his entire career is on the line here, for heaven’s sake! And speaking of his career, like many at the time, I didn’t have a clue this would be Shawn’s last match. Most on-screen wrestling retirements are never legit, so there was plenty of basis to believe this one would be no different. But alas, this one was different, and we get about as good a sendoff as we could’ve gotten for someone who’s been dubbed Mr. WrestleMania.

On another show, the WWE title match between John Cena and Batista would’ve been the main event. Their match here is great fun. It’s actually an end of an era for the two men who were crowned as the leaders of the next generation at WrestleMania five years earlier. Batista would move on to Hollywood shortly after this and, while certainly not his last WWE run, it would mark the end of his career as a full-timer. Interestingly enough, Batista was really coming into his own as a heel at the time of his departure, even winning over fans who previously couldn’t stand him. He would resurrect his heel run in 2014 and 2019, again only for a short spell. A shame we haven’t been able to spend much time with arrogant heel ‘Tista and his impeccable designer fashion, but then I guess that’s what makes it so special.

As for what doesn’t work, I probably don’t need to go into much detail about the Bret/McMahon clash. The basics of the story are solid — Bret gets his long-awaited revenge on McMahon, with his family right by his side. It’s just not super fun to watch in execution, however well-meaning it may be. They match is dragged out much longer than it should and it takes the crowd completely out of it. Another misfire is the Money in the Bank match. This would be the final iteration of the match at WrestleMania before it becomes its own pay-per-view. It’s clear the concept needs some rejuvenation by this point as it’s now a lazy, bloated affair where everyone gets in their allotted number of spots and there are way too many participants. To cap it all off, the ill-advised decision is made to push Jack Swagger into the main event scene, an idea which would run out of gas in a matter of months.

The show seems to have some weird pacing issues as well. In the era of the Network, I’ve grown so accustom to Manias being stretched to the point of exhaustion, so it’s always little odd to go back and watch one that feels like it doesn’t have enough time. It’s almost like it’s struggling to figure out how spread out time across a card so stacked. The tag opener and Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk feel like abridged versions of the matches we would’ve otherwise gotten, while Bret vs. McMahon gets more time than either combined. Even Money in the Bank feels somewhat rushed. I’m definitely not a huge fan of WrestleMania becoming a seven-hour event, and WWE has proven they struggle with time management on longer Manias, but this is one show where it seems an extra hour absolutely would’ve been to its benefit.

At its best, WrestleMania XXVI is a nice sampler plate of eras, even if struggles to give you equal portions for all of them. The multi-generational makeup of the card ensures there’s a little something for everyone and even closes the books on a couple of legendary careers. You’re bound to dislike some it but for better or worse, and this is a cheeseball thing to say, it definitely puts the “showcase” in the Showcase of the Immortals.

My Random Notes

No joke, I really did not think this would be it for HBK and even seriously thought Taker’s streak was in jeopardy. Am I a fool for thinking that? Maybe, but I like that wrestling conned into believing it in a way it hardly ever does anymore.

I feel like the temple entrance set is something that should’ve been more impressive than it is in actuality. They just stacked LED screens on top of each other and just rolled with it. It looks like something from Minecraft.

Ah, this show reinvigorates my fond feelings for Matt Striker. Such a handsome chap! Not surprising at all he would appear on a Bachelor ripoff a whole decade later.

I chuckled at Bruce Hart being the special guest referee for Bret vs. McMahon. You just know he huffed and puffed his way into that one, much to Bret’s annoyance.

I also chuckled at Diana Hart-Smith walking down to the ring with her best “evil, vindictive femme fatale on the cover of a pulp novel” look. God bless her. She needs to write another book.

I know Rey singing Happy Birthday to his daughter is meant to be a heart-warming thing but if I were a kid in the same situation, I would be traumatized. Just think of how uncomfortable it is when a room full of people is signing at you and then think of enduring that in an arena filled with thousands of people. CM Punk did her a huge favor by crashing the moment, as far as I’m concerned.

Not saying anything new here, but the whole Spear thing with Edge is cringe as hell and it’s for the best that it’s been forgotten in the annals of his career.

I know some people like to mock Vickie Guerrero doing Eddie’s frog splash, but I personally thought it was a sweet moment while staying true to comedically heel Vickie.

The official theme song to this Mania is “I Made It” by Kevin Rudolf. A time-period appropriate choice, I must say. I feel like the dawn of the 2010s is the only time a Kevin Rudolf could be a success.

I identify myself as someone who will always be more embarrassed by John Cena haters than Cena himself and I gotta say him posing next to the guys in the front row hating his guts is fucking hilarious. Cena is funny sometimes when he just straight-up trolls.

On the Legacy fallout: The storytelling for this was weird as hell. Am I the only who remembers that one time on Raw where they teased Ted turning face and the crowd was actually kinda into it? Then they completely abandoned it for whatever reason and just had Randy be the breakout face (as if he needed it) and dunk on both Cody and Ted at WrestleMania. I feel like Cody’s AEW origin story more or less began here.

Awwwwe, this show has little baby Drew McIntyre. It’s so interesting watching this with the benefit of hindsight. I remember a lot of people Not Feeling It when he was anointed as the Chose One, and truthfully I wasn’t feeling it at the time either, but watching it back really makes you appreciate how much hard work he put in to get to where he’d be a decade later. A lot of folks were dreading the inevitable Drew world title run in 2010. The title run did happen, but it was much later and much more welcome than anyone back than anyone could’ve imagined.

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WWF Royal Rumble 1988

Date: January 24, 1988.

Location: Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario. 

Attendance: 18,000.

Commentary: Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura.

Results:

1. Ricky Steamboat defeated Rick Rude via disqualification. 

2. Two-out-of-Three Falls Match for the WWF Women’s Tag Team Championship: The Jumping Bomb Angels (Noriyo Tateno & Itzuki Yamazaki) defeated The Glamour Girls (Judy Martin & Leilani Kai) (champions) (with Jimmy Hart) to win the titles. 

3. Royal Rumble Match: Jim Duggan won the match by lastly eliminating One Man Gang. Other participants included (in order of appearance): Bret Hart, Tito Santana, Butch Reed, Jim Neidhart, Jake Roberts, Harley Race, Jim Brunzell, Sam Houston, Danny Davis, Boris Zhukov, Don Muraco, Nikolai Volkoff, Ron Bass, B. Brian Blair, Hillbilly Jim, Dino Bravo, The Ultimate Warrior, and Junkyard Dog. 

4. Two-out-of-Three Falls Match: The Islanders (Haku & Tama) defeated The Young Stallions (Paul Roma & Jim Powers). 

My Review 

The first ever Royal Rumble event is a far cry from the much-hyped first stop on the Road to WrestleMania as we know it today. While the Rumble match was the creative genius of Pat Patterson, the event itself was largely birthed out of Vince McMahon’s cutthroat political maneuvering in the late ‘80s. The story is pretty well-documented now: With rival Jim Crockett Promotions set to air its new pay-per-view Bunkhouse Stampede on January 24, 1988, McMahon decided to launch a special of his own, dubbed the Royal Rumble, on the same night in direct competition, this time on free TV. A typical dick move from McMahon, but the plan worked. Royal Rumble scored huge TV ratings while Bunkhouse Stampede was critical and commercial bust, and the rest was history.

Royal Rumble ’88 can’t help but feel like the WWF testing the waters for their next big pay-per-view event. The Rumble match alone could tell you that. As the only one to feature 20, not 30, men, it’s a comparatively paltry affair with much lower stakes. The winner, Jim Duggan, gets nothing more than bragging rights and a nifty little accomplishment to add to his resume. One thing that particularly stands out is how the “no friends” angle of the match isn’t put over at all, instead sticking to a strict heel vs. face divide. I’d say this is to the match’s detriment, but the crowd doesn’t give a damn. They’re absolutely sucked into the entire thing. It’s not hard at all to see why the WWF decided to build an annual pay-per-view around it.

But, of course, they couldn’t just treat 18,000 people in the Copps Coliseum to only one match. There was an entire show to fill out, and that explains why we’re also treated to a mixed bag of matches and segments that put the show on a weird pace. Arguably just as big a draw, if not more so, as the Rumble match is the contract signing between Hulk Hogan and Andre The Giant for their historic rematch on The Main Event. In an age where contract singings are a monthly occurrence on Raw, the segment seems like nothing special, but it was huge frickin’ deal in 1988, especially considering the rematch is still the most-watched wrestling match on cable TV. Much less of a frickin’ deal is a torturous Dino Bravo weightlifting segment, which seemingly lasts for three decennia and exists solely as a vessel for cheap heat.

There are only three other matches booked on the card, two of them being two-out-of-three falls tag matches. The first of these is the excellent WWF Women’s Tag Team Championship match, one of the few shining moments for women’s wrestling in ‘80s WWF. There’s always been this narrative that women’s wrestling wasn’t successful in the U.S. because “fans didn’t care about it” when, in reality, it was more because the bookers didn’t care about it. When given time and development, fans certainly did care, and let this match and its showcase for The Jumping Bomb Angels serves as proof. The other tag match is a completely unnecessary bout between The Islanders and The Young Stallions. Not only is it unnecessary, but it actually ends the show! This is largely due to the WWF’s practice of front-loading their TV specials at the time, but you’d be forgiven if you turned the show off after the Rumble.

While Royal Rumble 1988 isn’t exactly a must-see, it makes for interesting viewing as a blueprint. Just a year later, the show would air on pay-per-view and begin to resemble the event we recognize. There were still kinks to be ironed out following the 1989 show but if nothing else, at least they learned to never air a weightlifting segment ever again.

My Random Notes

When exactly did they start acknowledging this show as canon? I seem to remember the ’89 Rumble being acknowledged as the first Rumble for many years and then it suddenly changed. Also, since it was never released on VHS, this was something of a “lost” show for me and I didn’t get to view it in full in the DVD Anthology came out.

Vince not being able to tell the Jumping Bomb Angels apart gives me secondhand embarrassment, and then he refers to Noriyo Tateno as “Norino” for good measure.

Some noticeable absences here: Randy Savage, then-current IC champ The Honkytonk Man, and Rick Martel, which is particularly odd given his tag partner Tito Santana made it to the Copps Coliseum that night just fine.

So many guys have their one-time only appearance in the Rumble here, which makes this one more of a novelty. The names include: Sam Houston, Danny Davis, Butch Reed, Don Muraco, Hillbilly Jim, The Killer Bees, Boris Zhukov, Harley Race, and JYD (who you just know is winding down his WWF career here given how he’s dumped out unceremoniously and doesn’t have a care in the world).

Jesse still manages to put over Bret Hart on commentary. He always went out of his way to tell us that Bret is awesome and it’s something that always sticks out when I watch anything from this period.

My god, the dubbed Rick Rude theme on the WWE Network is terrible. Why can’t they get his original theme music, anyway? Does it have anything to do with the killer sax?

If you needed any further proof that Islanders vs. The Young Stallions was a complete afterthought, they actually air Ted DiBiase segment between falls while both guys have to awkwardly linger around the ring. Paul Roma could never catch a break.

So was Nikolai Volkoff running out to the ring before his number a botch or genuinely planned? It’s a hilarious bit either way.

On Dino Bravo: Why did they push this dude so much? I get that he was a huge star in Montreal, and that was a completely different world all to itself, but I just don’t see how it could’ve translated into a role as a top heel in a major national promotion. Compared to the embarrassment of riches they had in colorful heels at the time, his generic anti-American act seems dull and kinda outdated even for the time period.

One final note: I wish that fan who brought their own megaphone to the Copps Coliseum a particularly unpleasant evening, wherever they may be now.

[fromtheringapron]

WWE Survivor Series 2006

Date: November 26, 2006.

Location: Wachovia Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. 

Attendance: 15,400.

Commentary: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler (Raw), Michael Cole and John Bradshaw Layfield (SmackDown!).

Results: 

1. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Ron Simmons, and Sgt. Slaughter (with Arn Anderson) defeated The Spirit Squad (Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, and Mikey) (with Mitch). Flair was the sole survivor. 

2. WWE United States Championship Match: Chris Benoit (champion) defeated Chavo Guerrero (with Vickie Guerrero). 

3. WWE Women’s Championship Match: Mickie James defeated Lita (champion). 

4. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Team DX (Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, and CM Punk) defeated Team RKO (Edge, Randy Orton, Gregory Helms, Johnny Nitro, and Mike Knox) (with Melina and Kelly Kelly). All of Team DX survived. 

5. First Blood Match: Mr. Kennedy defeated The Undertaker. 

6. Survivor Series Elimination Match: John Cena, Bobby Lashley, Kane, Rob Van Dam, and Sabu defeated Big Show, MVP, Test, and Finlay (with Armando Alejandro Estrada). Cena and Lashley were the survivors. 

7. World Heavyweight Championship Match: Batista defeated King Booker (champion) (with Queen Sharmell).

My Review

I remember ordering Survivor Series 2006 on pay-per-view being weirdly hyped for it. I don’t know why; I just saw a lot of potential in the card, I guess. Sure enough, the show fell well below my expectations and I quickly disavowed it and never rewatched it again until recently. So how do I feel about it in 2020, our year of the Lord? Well, it’s not horrendous or anything, but it’s still not good. Some important-ish things happen and I still think there was potential here for this show to be so much better; it just feels like not a whole lot of effort was put into it.

If the show can’t shake its staidness, it’s certainly not done any favors by its main event. The feud between Batista and King Booker was WWE’s attempt at cashing in on the real-life heat between the two, but it never caught fire in translation. By all means, it should’ve worked. Batista was in his prime and Booker was enjoying one of the best stretches of his career yet it ultimately became a case of the two guys simply not meshing. Their match here is just a whole bunch of whatever to me. What should be the satisfying culmination of Batista’s year-long road back to the World Heavyweight title is instead anticlimactic. It feels more like an epilogue tacked on to a novel than an epic final chapter.

The most enjoyable part of the show is easily Team DX vs. Team RKO, which is a squash match single-handedly elevated by the charisma of its participants. Team DX —Triple H, HBK, CM Punk, and The Hardy Boyz — is often mentioned in the discussion of greatest Survivor Series teams of all time and that’s pretty difficult to argue against. It’s such an iconic group overflowing with star power that watching them share a ring together feels truly special. The Philly crowd is well-aware of the moment too and they don’t let it go to waste. A part of me would’ve wanted to see a more competitive match, and the potential was definitely there, but the trade-off is a surge of energy that’s much needed at the midpoint of the show.

The remainder of the card mostly ranges from forgettable to downright offensive. The other elimination matches here are fun sprints, but they embrace the worst qualities of the match’s modern iterations. Granted, I’m a traditionalist who thinks the elimination matches should always be the focus of the Survivor Series, but I do think at a baseline they shouldn’t feel like everyone is trying to get it over with as fast as possible and that’s the vibe I get here. Elsewhere, Chris Benoit and Chavo Guerrero square off over Eddie Guerrero’s namesake, whose death is still being sadly exploited for storylines a full year after the fact. The lowest moment, though, is the tasteless sendoff for Lita in her retirement match. In a way, there’s something admirable about Lita wanting to go out like a complete heel, but having her slut-shamed and her items put up for grabs in a “Hoe Sale” isn’t it, and it’s ultimately flat-out disrespectful to one of the most influential women in WWE history.

Overall, Survivor Series 2006 has all the ingredients yet it can’t bring them all together to make a great show. One look at the card may have you think otherwise but in the history of WWE’s Thanksgiving tradition, this is the equivalent of a fake colorful gourd you stuff in a cornucopia⏤it looks good, but don’t be fooled; the taste is underwhelming.

My Random Notes

I’d like to reject the notion that JBL was ever funny on color commentary. Maybe I’m alone here, but I find him super obnoxious? I get that’s he’s trying to channel Jesse Ventura; it’s just that he unfortunately translates that into yelling a lot without saying any good soundbites.

It’s hard to not look at Test here and feel sad. There’s the steroid bloat, yeah, but he just seems tired, almost like he’s phoning it in at some indy show.

Vickie Guerrero is pretty early into her heel run at this point so she’s nowhere near as over-the-top as she’d later become, but I do like her cold Real Housewives energy here. There’s that one moment in the video package where she says “Hi, Chris” so frigidly that I had to check my nose for frostbite.

Speaking of Chris, it’s already tough to stomach watching Eddie Guerrero’s death exploited for storylines, but it’s especially so to watch Benoit get involved when you know how badly Eddie’s death fucked him up. And, yes, I do have that Dark Side of the Ring episode on my mind. That was some seriously haunting shit. 

Fun fact: Ric Flair is undefeated in Survivor Series elimination matches, having been the sole survivor in two of them 15 years apart. The more you know!

Dusty Rhodes pinned Dolph Ziggler on a pay-per-view in 2006. Also the more you know!

A huge yikes @ the chair shot Taker gives Mr. Kennedy. No way that would fly now. Hell, it wouldn’t even fly less than year after this.

The Mickie James face turn truly happened outta nowhere, huh? I just remember there was one episode of Raw when she lost the Women’s title to Lita and — bam! — suddenly she’s a face, as if she wasn’t threatening Trish Stratus that she’d dismember Ashley Massaro less than six months prior.

I have little recollection of an MVP/Mr. Kennedy alliance, but it does seem like the most mid ‘00s WWE thing to happen. Remember when these two guys absolutely felt like the future faces of the company? The lost generation, indeed.

Alas, here we bare witness to the final days of The Spirit Squad. A night later, they’d be squashed by DX and literally sent back to OVW in a crate. To this day, I’ve never got the hate for them, other than it’s clearly a mid ‘90s WWF gimmick stuck in a mid ‘00s WWE. I used to think was the most obnoxious person on the roster, which I guess means they did their job well.

[fromtheringapron]

WCW Halloween Havoc 1999

Date: October 24, 1999.

Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada. 

Attendance: 8,464. 

Commentary: Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan. 

Results:

1. WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match: Disco Inferno (champion) defeated Lash LeRoux. 

2. Street Fight for the vacant WCW World Tag Team Championship: Harlem Heat (Booker T and Stevie Ray) defeated The First Family (Hugh Morrus and Brian Knobbs) (with Jimmy Hart) and The Filthy Animals (Billy Kidman and Konnan) to win the titles. 

3. Eddie Guerrero defeated Perry Saturn via disqualification. 

4. Brad Armstrong defeated Berlyn (with The Wall). 

5. WCW World TV Championship Match: Rick Steiner (champion) defeated Chris Benoit. 

6. Lex Luger (with Miss Elizabeth) defeated Bret Hart. 

7. WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sting (champion) defeated Hulk Hogan. 

8. WCW United States Championship Match: Goldberg defeated Sid Vicious (champion) via TKO to win the title. 

9. Strap Match: Diamond Dallas Page (with Kimberly) defeated Ric Flair. 

10. WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match: Goldberg defeated Sting (champion) to win the title. 

My Review

WCW was rapidly spinning out of control by the time of Halloween Havoc 1999, but a new beginning seemed to be on the horizon. Vince Russo, the man who spearheaded the Attitude Era in the WWF, joined the writing team right before the show, with hopes he’d add a spark to a product that’d become convoluted and stale. Russo certainly did bring a spark; the only problem is that he wound up burning down the whole house with it. Halloween Havoc 1999 may have only just been the start of this new era, but it’s got Russo’s fingerprints all over it and, holy shit, does it go off the rails in a hurry.

In a way, Halloween Havoc and Russo’s swerve-laden booking seem like the perfect match. If there’s one event where he could go balls to the wall with crash TV and gimmickry, it’s gotta be Havoc, and heavens knows the depths of absurdism WCW reached at the event in the years before Russo anyway. Unfortunately, the ‘99 Havoc features one of Russo’s worst booking caveats⏤the worked shoot. This would happen several times throughout his tenure in WCW, each more embarrassing than the last, but his obsession with “going off the script” starts here.

The show starts conventionally enough, but it takes a hard left turn into near indescribable chaos. Midway through, we have a match between Hulk Hogan and Sting, a main event match that’s bound to draw no matter how many times it happens. But, alas, there’s a twist: Hogan “lies” down for Sting and the match ends in 3 seconds. It’s then given zero explanation or follow-up for the rest of the show, leaving the audience confused and downright angry. Even when you look past they just pissed away a match people were paying money to see, it feels like a desperate attempt to create controversy just to pop some interest in the next night’s Nitro. I don’t think Hogan “lying down” was ever explained on WCW TV though, which just makes the whole thing worse.

If that weren’t enough, the commentators and performers are constantly bringing up “the writers from up North” and the “powers that be.” It’s deliberately meant to be a wink at the audience, who are likely rolling their eyes so hard that you can practically hear it. It’s all just a way of saying “Get it? This is a bunch of fake shit. You’re watching a bunch of fakers. But this right here? This is real.” The reality is that it’s actually just embarrassing, not that Russo ever caught on. There’s still plenty of other swerves throughout the night, including a surprise Sting vs. Goldberg main event. The crowd in Las Vegas seems to dig it, at least. Too bad it’s practically impossible to connect the dots on how we even got the damn match in the first place!

Halloween Havoc 1999 is exactly the kind of madness you can expect from WCW’s annual schlockfest, but it’s even more confounding and inexplicable this time out. I guess the nicest thing I can say is that the show certainly isn’t boring. The bad part is that the fun often gives way to frustration, filling this Halloween Havoc up with more tricks than treats.

My Random Notes 

On WCW Nitro for Men Cologne: Okay, I’m completely befuddled by this. I can’t imagine a grown ass adult actually purchasing it, let alone a 14-year-old. Beyond that, they have a segment on this show where Medusa and Bobby Heenan basically tell us it’s shit?

Lash LeRoux, in his ongoing quest to carve out an identity for himself, wears a dreadful Lash Vegas shirt to the ring. I’d like to think he immediately discarded it after this show and never wore it again.

Buff Bagwell takes one of the worst guitar shots I’ve ever seen. It just kinda bonks over his head. I do wonder what level of craft goes into creating a gimmicked guitar, though.

The Halloween Havoc graveyard in this outing features a headstone shared by The Boston Strangler and Jack the Ripper. Yes, folks, that’s right: The Ripper was not only identified, but also shares the same grave with another serial killer at MGM in Las Vegas. The more you know!

I haven’t seen enough of them to judge, but Revolution are pretty much like the Radicals just without Eddie, no?

Eddie stealing Ric Flair’s Rolex was a storyline at this time, apparently. It’s another example of Russo stuffing in too many storylines, but I do low-key appreciate it’s not the only documented time Eddie has stolen from Flair, must we not forget the time he stole Flair’s number at Royal Rumble ’05.

We get a quick shot of a Hogan WWF wrestling buddy in the crowd, which reminds me that I have the Warrior and Macho King ones smoldering up in my attic somewhere.

Shoutout to the show’s poster, which gives me strong Animorphs vibes and Scholastic Book Fair memories. There was also the Nickelodeon show I barely watched? I just remember there was some dude named Tobias on it.

In Russo’s obsession with confused sexual analogies, DDP delivers a promo where he winds up landing on him and Flair jerking off together. Um, okay. Not gonna try to unpack that. Happy for you tho. Or sorry that happened.

Pretty crazy to think Bret vs. Luger would’ve been an absolutely money program just five years earlier when both were headlining WrestleMania X, and now they’re here just in this 7-minute drivel of a match. I know I shouldn’t be surprised, as both were at a radically different point in their respective careers by this time, but I find their showing here depressing as fuck.

[fromtheringapron]

Random Notes on Episode #1 of Sunday Night Heat

I miss Sunday Night Heat. I miss wrestling weekend shows in general, but Heat holds some particularly unique appeal to me. Back in the day when I was too young to stay up and watch Raw in its entirety, Heat was usually the place to get my wrestling fix. By the time I started watching it, Heat was pretty much an afterthought, but it would recap the past week’s Raw, so it also helped keep me up to date on storylines. Even in its latter days, you would get a lot of weird stuff you wouldn’t get any other WWE show and, thanks to the WWE Network, some of it is finally starting reemerge.

The premiere episode of Heat debuted on August 2, 1998. Contrary to popular belief, a lot of stuff happened on the show in its first year on the air. As Smackdown did not yet exist, it was actually WWF’s B show for a short while, often furthering storylines and even once saw Mankind win the WWF title in the famed empty arena match. The first episode gave a small inkling of what was to come. Here’s the results from the card that literally nobody remembers:

Edge defeated Jeff Jarrett (with Tennessee Lee).

Droz & The Headbangers (Mosh and Thrasher) defeated Kaientai (Funaki, Men’s Teioh, and Dick Togo) (with Yamaguchi-san).

WWF European Championship Match: D’Lo Brown (champion) defeated Ken Shamrock via disqualification.

#1 Contenders’ Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship: The Rock and Owen Hart defeated Kane and Mankind (with Paul Bearer) vis count-out.

Edge as a rookie! D’Lo Brown as Euro champ! The Headbangers in general! What a time. Outside of the card, here’s what also randomly caught my attention:

Early Shane McMahon is Obnoxious: The early, early days of Heat were our formal introduction to Shane McMahon and, oh boy, it was rough. Thought it wouldn’t be long until he became a mega spoiled prick, the first episode sees him woefully miscast as a babyface color commentator, which is absolutely NOT his thing. First of all, his overall presentation is just weird in retrospect. He comes down to the ring in what would become Jacqueline’s entrance music, which already sets a jarring tone. Not only that, but he’s joined by two women named Alley and Kyla (or at least I think that’s her name? I couldn’t hear it well). Who are they? What’s their relationship to Shane? Why are they more random than The Wrestling Classic’s Susan Waitkis? Then we get his commentary and, woof, if you ever want to hear a human being speak in all caps for an entire broadcast, be my guest. It’s a far cry from the man who’d become known for failing several feet off various structures, somehow avoiding serious injury every time.

Droz’s World: Perhaps the most bizarre segment of the first episode is a segment inspired by MTV’s The Real World, starring everyone’s favorite puke artist Darren Drozdov. He tells the story of how he threw up on Mark Henry’s hand during training. Yep, that’s literally it. Fortunately, Tom Prichard is here to offer some color commentary to the event, saying “IT WAS GROSS!” and how Droz’s puke was filled with “corns and beans.” Oh, and then Droz shows a tattoo of a dog on his ass for good measure. Somewhere, Vince McMahon can be heard laughing in the distance. It’s oft forgotten how much the Real World was parodied back in the late ‘90s, even before the reality TV genre ever really exploded in popularity. Remember how it found its way in She’s All That?

The Val Venis/Mario Lopez Feud: One of the best parts of watching old Raw episodes is having to listen to the commentators awkwardly plug the USA Network’s original series. After all, a plug for Silk Stalkings just doesn’t feel right if you’re not watching an Undertaker squash in jest. The first episode of Heat carries on with this grand tradition and hypes the hell out of Pacific Blue, which I’ve never watched but sounds like some Baywatch/Miami Vice/crime procedural schlock. It takes it even one step further by having star Mario Lopez in the audience, who then proceeds to get into a fight with, um, Val Venis (in the midst of his castration storyline with Kaientai no less)?!? The WWF seriously tried to tease us with a Venis vs. Lopez feud in 1998. I’m not even really sure who the face in that situation would be. It sounds ridiculous, but can’t be any more so than what WCW was doing at the exact same time with Jay Leno.

Bart Gunn and Shanna Moakler: Did you do a double take reading that headline? One half of the Smoking Gunns and one half of MTV’s short-lived reality show Meet the Barkers! In the same room! On TV! If there were ever a more random pair of people to share TV time, I’d like to know it. Anyway, continuing the theme of plugging Pacific Blue as much as possible, we have  cast member Shanna interviewing Bart Gunn (dubbed here as “LeFTY”) about his upset victory in the ill-advised Brawl 4 All against tourney fave Dr. Death. Of course, Bart yammers on a bit about knocking Dr. Death out with his left hook. Blah, blah, blah. I’m sure if you adjust the volume a certain way, you can practically hear Jim Ross seething behind the commentary booth.

The Main Event is a Mess: If you thought they would’ve ended the first episode of Heat with a bang, guess again. It doesn’t even end with a whimper, really; more like a slow, drawn-out fart. The winner of the main event tag team match would go on to face Steve Austin and The Undertaker, example #457 of tag champs who are actually mortal enemies. The match is just a lazy brawl where everyone involved doesn’t seem to give a rat’s ass, despite Shane’s best efforts to once again to bring the excitement by speaking in all caps. The Rock and Owen Hart win over Kane and Mankind (Team Hell Socko?) by count-out, as Owen casually slides back into the ring after an outside brawl. I don’t know how Rock and Owen fared against the tag champs the next night on Raw, but it’s safe to say it didn’t lead to much. I know I have full access to the WWE Network where I can easily watch that but, hey, these guys didn’t put in any effort into this match so why should I? Fair is fair. 

And there you have it⏤the first episode of Heat in the books, ass tattoos and all. I hope the WWE Network uploads more episodes in the future. I personally want the MTV era on there. Anyway, they better upload them soon, or else I may just resort to finally watching Pacific Blue instead.

[fromtheringapron]

WWF SummerSlam 1995

Date: August 27, 1995.

Location: Civic Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. 

Attendance: 18,062.

Commentary: Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler (matches 1-7). Vince McMahon and Dok Hendrix (matches 8 and 9).

Results:

1. Hakushi defeated The 1-2-3 Kid. 

2. Hunter Hearst Helmsley defeated Bob Holly. 

3. The Smoking Gunns (Billy and Bart Gunn) defeated The Blu Brothers (Jacob and Eli Blu) (with Uncle Zebekiah). 

4. Barry Horowitz defeated Skip (with Sunny). 

5. WWF Women’s Championship Match: Bertha Faye (with Harvey Whippleman) defeated Alundra Blayze (champion) to win the title. 

6. Casket Match: The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated Kama (with Ted DiBiase).

7. Bret Hart defeated Issac Yankem DDS. 

8. Ladder Match for the WWF Intercontinental Championship: Shawn Michaels (champion) defeated Razor Ramon. 

9. WWF World Heavyweight Championship: Diesel (champion) defeated King Mabel (with Sir Mo). 

My Review

SummerSlam 1995 took place during a financial and creative low point for the WWF, featuring one of the worst main events in the history of SummerSlam. It’s frequently cited as The Worst SummerSlam Ever™ by an elite club of dudes on the Internet, but I’m here to report that’s simply not true and, as you must know, my opinions are usually the correct ones. Here’s the tea: it’s actually a solid couple hours of wrestling. I’ve always found its reputation unjust. That it’s written off just because it took place during a dark period has always seemed like a blanket statement to me. Believe it or not, entertainment and good work can exist within bad years for wrestling. A shocking concept, I know.

I don’t want to mince words here, of course. The main event is bad. It’s not even like it’s a super mega embarrassing disaster that’s secretly entertaining; it’s just kinda basic and plodding and ultimately feels phoned-in. It’s only real accomplishment was likely getting Vince McMahon to wake up and realize that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t 1985 anymore and pushing Diesel like Hulk Hogan wasn’t gonna fly. It also even more likely helped him realize that he completely failed in pushing Mabel as the next big monster heel. The most interesting part of the main event involves neither Diesel or Mabel but rather Lex Luger, who makes his final WWF appearance before jumping ship to WCW in time for the first episode of Nitro.

But if we’re writing it off just for the main event, then that would be a disservice to the rest of the card, which is - wait for it - kinda decent! Perhaps realizing they had a real flop of a main event on their hands, the WWF made the wise decision to spice up the card with a WrestleMania X ladder rematch between Razor Ramon and Shawn Michaels. The verdict is out on whether I like it more than their Mania match, but it’s clear they realized just having a ladder in the match wouldn’t be enough this time, so they upped the ante on spots. What we get is something that may lack the iconic imagery of the Mania match but also may hold up better in the modern sense. The match is also notable for featuring one of the first instances of Michael’s on-air temper tantrums, in connection with his worsening backstage attitude. This time, it’s over how the IC belt is suspended above the ring or something. It’s pretty cringe-worthy to watch. Like, Shawn, get over it and find Jesus already.

The undercard is also full of surprises if you sleep on it. The opening contest between The 1-2-3 Kid and Hakushi is almost like a precursor to the crusierweight battles WCW would popularize the next year. There’s a bizarrely engrossing match between Bret Hart and evil dentist Issac Yankem, partly due to the historical curiosity of watching Bret wrestle the man who would go on to become Kane. One of the biggest highlights of the undercard comes from the least expected source ⏤ longtime journeyman Barry Horowitz, whose underdog storyline against Skip was one of the better ones in mid ‘90s WWF. Many will look at the decision to push Horowitz as a sign of the lack of star power at the time, but it’s a pretty decent story in its own right and the crowd clearly digs it. Oh, and this show marks the first pay-per-view match for a dude named Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Perhaps you’ve heard of him.

So, yeah, the WWF definitely wasn’t in a good place by the time SummerSlam 1995 came around. I’m certainly not arguing that. But even in darkness, there was a glimmer of light in the form of a younger roster with potential untapped or just beginning to be. The show’s flaws are upfront (again, that main event) but now on its 25th anniversary, time is only just starting to be kinder to it.

My Random Notes

They literally brought in the British Bulldog just for that one shot of him walking that backstage, huh? Seriously, what was up with that?

I pretty much blacked out during every Dean Douglas segment, sorry. I feel like the Dean Douglas is basically like 65% “mean school teacher” and 35% “dude with a fetish for scratching his nails on a chalkboard, neither of which being particularly interesting.

Man, Dok Hendrix is insufferable on commentary. I genuinely forget that if he isn’t selling you a denim jacket or some shit, much of his material is downright cringe.

Speaking of forgotten on-air personalities of the New Generation era, Manny Garcia is here to fuck up ring announcements and misgender Alundra Blayze (to the point where Vince of all people corrects him, ouch). If had to choose, give me all of that Bill Dunn throatiness any day, baby. 

Maybe it’s just the lighting or something, but I just can’t process this takes the place in the same arena where Mick Foley will be thrown off the Hell in the Cell three years later.

A part of me feels bad for Mabel, mainly because he was just wheeled out as the next big monster heel without any direction on how to play the role effectively and then he got promptly spit out from the company less than six months later as if nothing ever happened. Fortunately he’d got another chance in the Attitude Era, but I’ve always found the trajectory of his main event push to be a little cruel.

Rhonda Singh looks like she hates just about everything about the Bertha Faye character, and I can’t blame her, but don’t worry! Not everyone hates Bertha, judging by this obscure, long-abandoned fan page.

People complain about the booking of the modern WWE tag division now, but at least there’s some semblance of a division. Excluding Owen Hart & Yokozuna, the latter days of 1995 whittled down the division to The Smoking Gunns and The Blu Brothers, the latter played by literal Nazis. It could be worse!

I know it’s pointless to praise Tammy Sytch for practically anything these days, but it’s amazing how much she already overshadows Skip at this point. I’ll always contend she was one of the most charismatic personalities they had on the roster at the time and don’t blame them for making her the center of the tag division. Nonetheless, it’s a point that makes me feel like I’m yelling into an empty hallway as Tammy embarks on her 800th arrest and tasteless social media post about Ashley Massaro.

[fromtheringapron]

WCW Bash at the Beach 1995

Date: July 16, 1995.

Location: The beach at Huntington Beach.

Attendance: 9,500.

Commentary: Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan. 

Results: 

1. WCW United States Championship Match: Sting (champion) defeated Meng (with Col. Robert Parker). 

2. WCW Television Championship Match: The Renegade (champion, with Jimmy Hart) defeated Paul Orndorff.

3. Kamala (with Kevin Sullivan) defeated Jim Duggan. 

4. Diamond Dallas Page (with The Diamond Doll and Max Muscle) defeated Dave Sullivan. 

5. Triple Threat Match for the WCW Tag Team Championship: Harlem Heat (Stevie Ray and Booker T) (champions, with Sister Sherri) defeated The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags) and The Blue Bloods (Steven Regal and Bobby Eaton). 

6. Lifeguard Match: Randy Savage defeated Ric Flair. 

7. Steel Cage Match for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship: Hulk Hogan (champion, with Jimmy Hart and Dennis Rodman) defeated Vader. 

My Review

By 1995, Baywatch was one of the most popular TV shows in the world. Even the wrestling business couldn’t resist it. Earlier in the year, the WWF coaxed Pamela Anderson into appearing at WrestleMania. WCW, certainly not to be outdone, took it a step farther come the summer by featuring several of its wrestlers in an episode of the show. This would seem like an odd decision at first, but it’s not too off-brand when you consider WCW was already fucking off its rocker in 1995 anyway. Definitely less odd is the choice is to tie in the show with Bash at the Beach, a most natural fit if there ever was one.

Bash at the Beach 1995 presents a world that would shock us in the age of COVID-19⏤a large group of people frolicking to the beach, unmasked, without a care in the world. Fair enough, there’s still plenty of sights like this even amidst a pandemic, and we’re paying for it dearly, but it’s hard not to draw comparisons. In the hell of 2020, a crowded wrestling beach party seems like a distant, far-off concept. Regardless, I love the atmosphere of this show. There’s no fancy lighting or camera work or even an elaborate entrance way. It’s just set on a big ass beach in California, vast ocean in the distance and not a cloud in the sky.

The actual show isn’t nearly as fun though. A crowd packed with carefree beach goers obviously serves up a much different feel than the norm, but they’re not a particularly involved group of people either. I’m not sure how many people in attendance even watched wrestling, let alone WCW, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there weren’t a whole lot. They don’t react to much of anything in the ring, seemingly more concerned the camera catches them in the MTV-style beach party they seemed to think this event would be. It goes to show that an invested crowd really can make all the difference.

This will sound weird, but my biggest issue with this show is that it’s not ridiculous enough. WCW reached some incredible highs in absurdism in 1995 with Uncensored and later Halloween Havoc that Bash at the Beach seems kinda flat in comparison. All of the matches on the card just trudge along, nothing raising an eyebrow. Ric Flair and Randy Savage compete in a Lifeguard Match. A cute idea on paper, but it plays out like your standard lumberjack match once it’s all set and done. Hogan’s cage match with Vader just sorta happens, teasing a Vader face turn in the aftermath that would ultimately never fully blossom into something. Even The Dungeon of Doom, the peak of WCW camp, only exist on the outer edges of this show. A shame, as we could’ve used more of their presence to liven up the party.

There’s remarkably little indication this will be the same promotion going to war with the WWF every Monday a mere two months later. Maybe it’s just the beach setting, but WCW feels so relaxed and totally content with resting on the laurels of Hulkamania forever. My how things would change. As for Bash at the Beach 1995, stay for the waves and big open sky, but you can take or leave everything else.

My Random Notes

Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan look like they hate having play to the whims of the theme.  Can you blame them? They’re dressed up like your dad on vacation.

Damn them for robbing us of the wonderful pre-show segment of The Giant throwing Andre the Giant’s shirt at Hulk Hogan. The 20 people watching WCW Main Event that day really lucked out.

It feels wrong to mock anything about The Renegade given how tragically things would end for the man behind face-paint but, good lord, those dropkicks are dire. Oh, and the faux-Warrior promo and entrance? My goodness, the poor guy.

Sting vs. Meng may actually be one of the most boring openers I’ve ever seen? I know the crowd doesn’t help matters. I actually can’t blame them though. It’s setup to be this big showdown, but it’s like watching snapping turtles circle each other for 20 minutes.

In spite of everything I just said, blonde surfer Sting is such a hunk and could absolutely get it whenever he wants it.

I had no idea Dennis Rodman did anything in WCW pre-1997. Not that he adds much here, anyway. At the least, he’d be better used in the nWo, mostly because it seemed to reflect Rodman’s real-life toxic personality.

The crowd comes alive at something off-camera during DDP vs. Dave Sullivan, which I can only assume were drunken shenanigans by someone in the audience. Obviously nowhere near as epic as the fan who ruined Randy Savage’s hard-fought barn burner with The Zodiac at Halloween Havoc 1995.

Wait, were any of the Baywatch babes in the Lifeguard match ever actually on Baywatch? I’m too lazy to look it up.

WCW definitely seems happy to promote Slim Jims whenever possible, even going so far to have the Macho Man’s attire mirror the color scheme of the brand . It must’ve been considered a win to resurrect the happy marriage of Randy Savage and mechanically separated beef sticks after WWF bombed trying to get Diesel and Bam Bam Bigelow in on the deal.

[fromtheringapron]

WWF Rebellion 2000

Date: December 2, 2000.

Location: Sheffield Arena in Sheffield, England. 

Attendance: 11,077.

Commentary: Jim Ross and Taz. 

Results: 

1. Tag Team Elimination Tables Match: The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-von) defeated Edge & Christian and T&A (with Trish Stratus).

2. WWF Women’s Championship Match: Ivory (champion) (with Steven Richards) defeated Lita. 

3. WWF Hardcore Championship Match: Steve Blackman (champion) defeated Perry Saturn. 

4. WWF European Championship Match: Crash Holly (with Molly Holly) defeated William Regal (champion) to win the title. 

5. Chyna and Billy Gunn defeated Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko.

6. Kane defeated Chris Jericho 

7. WWF Tag Team Championship Match: Right to Censor (Bill Buchanan and The Goodfather) (champions) (with Val Venis) defeated The Hardy Boyz (Matt and Jeff). 

8. The Undertaker defeated Chris Benoit.

9. Fatal 4-Way Match for the WWF Championship: Kurt Angle (champion) defeated Rikishi, The Rock, and Steve Austin. 

My Review

Quarantine has lead me to dipping my toes into the waters of the WWF’s UK-only pay-per-views of the late ‘90s and early ‘00s. These shows are such strange outliers to me. They feel as non-canon as they possibly could be, like they’re house shows put to film. I mean, outside of a moment here and there, were these shows ever mentioned on U.S. television? Did they impact storylines in any significant way? Would have it killed them to give the U.K. one of their regular pay-per-views? Questions abound, and Rebellion 2000 doesn’t really answer any of them.

Expectations shouldn’t be so lofty, however. At the end of the day, the main gist of these shows was to put on a fun show for U.K. fans, who usually tuned into live U.S. pay-per-views in the wee hours of the morning. And, really, Rebellion 2000 does a decent job on that front. If anything, it’s a nice little glimpse into what kind of show the WWF was putting out at the turn of the millennium, which was usually light and fun at best. The WWF were on top of the world by this point, anyway. WCW and ECW were dying, and would die in a matter of months. The competition was still around, just barely, but it’s clear even from a show like this that the WWF had risen well above them that the competition may as well not even existed.

The card is essentially a sampler plate of Attitude Era icons. None of the matches here are long or really anything all that astounding. The main event is a paltry 8 minutes. Normally, this would make the audience feel underwhelmed, but it ends with The Rock and Steve Austin tossing back beers and the crowd loves it anyway so what the heck. The show does feature one minor moment of note when Crash Holly captures the European title from William Regal. It wound up not mattering in the long-term though, as Regal would win the title back on Raw two days later. That’s one of the Attitude Era’s hallmarks⏤championships switched hands so often that I wouldn’t blame you if you forgot something like, say, Billy Gunn as Intercontinental Champion.  

Overall, Rebellion 2000 is such an easy watch. Nothing here will stick with you, and truthfully I feel like I’ve forgotten half of it already, but it’s not a bad way to spend 2 hours. If you’re nostalgic for some Attitude Era content, this should hit the spot, but if I’m being honest, this quarantine is making me nostalgic for any time but the present.

My Random Notes

Wait, are we supposed to forget JR and Taz were feuding with each other just a few months before this? I, for one, haven’t forgotten JR smashing a candy jar over Taz’s cranium.

Taz is kind of insufferable on commentary, by the way. He tries to make the term “rocket buster” happen, and will continue to do so for the next 20 years.

Chris Benoit erasure, case #435: WWE Network lists his match with Taker as “The Undertaker competes in a singles match.”

Some shade is thrown at Lennox Lewis throughout the broadcast, which required to me to do some Google searching on what the hell Lewis did in 2000 to be looked upon so unfavorably. Apparently, he was stripped of his WBA title for refusing to fight the opponent the WBA booked to face him. Whatever. I don’t care about boxing.

I had to keep rewinding to see what the hell Lita is drinking in that one backstage segment with Trish. It looks like beer, but further investigation reveals it’s a can of Tango. It’s pretty much like Fanta for us Yanks.

Molly Holly models her own walk after cousin Crash. Cute!

This show takes place right after Survivor Series 2000, which I reviewed this past November and explains why Rebellion vibes so similarly to it. Sadly, Undertaker’s iconic Godfather pants don’t make an appearance here.

Speaking of that review, I’m pretty sure I said I find Steve Blackman sexy, and you know what? I stand by it. DEAL WITH IT.

I keep forgetting Rikishi was supposed to be a mega heel during this period, which shows you how well his big heel turn worked out. Every time I see him, I’m like, “C’mon, guy, keep being happy and dancing in your thong.”

Pretty indifferent response to fellow countryman Regal, eh? He gives an endless cheap heat pre-match promo that doesn’t quite move the audience to boos and they then take great joy in watching him lose in humiliating fashion in his home country. Ouch.

Watching the Chyna/Eddie relationship unfold is bittersweet for obvious reasons, but it’s clear they truly enjoy working with each other. They really bring the fun out of each other, even when they’re presented at odds like they are here.

[fromtheringapron]

WWE Vengeance 2011

Date: October 23, 2011.

Location: AT&T Center in San Antonio, Texas. 

Attendance: 8,000.

Commentary: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T. 

Results:

1. WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Air Boom (Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne) (champions) defeated Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (with Vickie Guerrero). 

2. WWE United States Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (champion) (with Jack Swagger and Vickie Guerrero) defeated Zack Ryder. 

3. WWE Divas Championship Match: Beth Phoenix (champion) defeated Eve Torres. 

4. Sheamus defeated Christian. 

5. The Miz and R-Truth defeated Triple H and CM Punk.

6. Randy Orton defeated Cody Rhodes. 

7. WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Mark Henry (champion) fought Big Show to a no contest after the ring collapsed. 

8. Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship: Alberto Del Rio (champion) (with Ricardo Rodriguez) defeated John Cena. 

My Review

With the trauma and depression brought on by quarantine, I’ve been unsure if I wanted to write up a review this month. Can you blame me? These times have been taxing on all of us. Just getting out of bed in the morning feels like I’m Ric Flair trying to go the distance at the 1992 Royal Rumble. But since writing has always been my outlet, however difficult it may be to conjure up the words, I’ve decided to press forward. Plus, I have plenty of free time right now, so why not watch and review more wrestling? Unfortunately, I’ve chosen to review Vengeance 2011, a completely unremarkable show’s that difficult trying to write enough words on. Oh joy.

In the early 2010s, WWE put on several pay-per-views that wound up as one-off events like Fatal 4 Way or Capitol Punishment. For reasons beyond me, it felt like they were trying to break from the yearly PPV calendar of the previous decade, which included shows like Judgement Day and No Mercy. In October 2011, they put on two pay-per-views, the first being Hell in a Cell. The second brought back Vengeance, a relic B show from the 2000s. It was a weird decision considering the last Vengeance in 2007 holds a degree of infamy, if only because it took place on the same weekend when one of their performers committed a horrific double-murder suicide. And then the 2011 show came and went, and Vengeance disappeared off WWE’s PPV calendar once again. Weird, indeed.

Vengeance 2011 isn’t a bad show; it’s just a wholly forgettable one. It screams of WWE trying to milk more money out of its fans’ pockets than anything else. If it were the mid ‘90s, it would be a streamlined In Your House that nobody ever talked about again. I think the main reason why it fails to stand out is that it seems stuck in the middle of a transition in focus. The biggest storyline in the months before this show was the Summer of Punk, but it’s late October now, and that storyline has since spiraled into some nonsense about Triple H and Kevin Nash. Punk’s game-changing pipe bomb back in July seems like a distant memory. In fact, Punk seems like a supporting character in his own storyline. Focus is now shifting toward John Cena’s battles with the team of the Miz and R-Truth, which will parlay into Cena’s WrestleMania-headlining feud with The Rock. So as a result, there isn’t a really “big” moment for either storyline that really sticks with you. That much of the mid-card fails to stand out in any way doesn’t help matters either. 

If the show is memorable for anything, it’s definitely for its last two matches. Mark Henry and Big Show have a surprisingly great match which highlights the growth of each performer .Think about it: in a previous era, Henry vs. Show would’ve been a throwaway match on Raw is War circa 1999. The match ends in a ring collapse spot, which has been done several times before, but there’s a twist here: it sets up the next match between Cena and Alberto Del Rio. It’s a nifty way of adding another dimension to what could’ve been a pretty standard Last Man Standing match. I mean, can you think of any main events held in a collapsed ring? I certainly can’t, though I’m sure some fucked-up indy may be happy to claim that. Cena vs. Del Rio is pretty fun, too. At the least, it gives us the image of Cena getting slammed through the big letter V in the entrance way, so job well done.

It’s a shame the rest of this show doesn’t stand out, though. I literally just watched it and feel like I dreamt half of it. If you’re in quarantine like me, perhaps you’’ll find the curiosity and dredge up this show from the dusty corners of the WWE Network archive. Hey, as long as you’re staying safe, right?

My Random Notes

So weird to think there was a point within the last decade where Triple H still had hair, but that’s also because the image of Paul Levesque, bald NXT dad, has been burned so deeply into my brain by now.

Speaking of hair, CM Punk is sporting his slicked-back look here. Such a handsome devil. I still mourn over how he dropped it in favor of looking like knockoff Wolverine.

Right out of the gate, I’m reminded heel Michael Cole is still a thing by the time of this show. How long did that last, by the way? Early 2010’s WWE is such a blur to me. You could tell me his heel schtick lasted for years and I’d believe you.

Okay, so the Triple H walkout storyline: Even with the nice little video package, I’m so lost on what the hell it’s supposed to be about. Is Triple H suddenly a sympathetic babyface now? How did they move on from Cena/Punk/Vince to this? I’m sure not the only one who feels this way, but still. 

I had the unfortunate timing of watching this around the same time Zack Ryder was released by the WWE. On this show, he’s just beginning his initial push that will infamously turn to shit, so it’s really bittersweet to see him look so excited here knowing how that push will eventually turn out.

It was much to my surprise to learn that one of Cody Rhodes’ bag boys here is Oney Lorcan. He has not aged a day since then. He really has Arn Anderson syndrome of perennially looking close to 40.

Completely forgot Air Boom was ever a thing. So much of Kofi’s pre-New Day career escapes my memory, to be honest. The time between his feud with Orton and the start of New Day all just blends into one.

Mark Henry is in the midst of highly praised “Hall of Pain” run here. I love the part after his match where he’s stumbling around in a daze, yelling out to no one in particular how he’s still the champion. It’s good shit, pal.

[fromtheringapron]

Wrestling & COVID-19

At the risk of understating it a great degree, this month has been pretty rough. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we’ve been asked to put our careers, education, and social lives on hold for an uncertain amount of time. It’s a time of tremendous fear, whether it be over the health of our loved ones, the threat its made to our jobs, or what our world will even look like once this is all over. What’s made it doubly taxing is that this crisis has acclimated in the U.S. in just a matter of weeks, and we’re all at different stages in dealing with how it could change our lives.

Wrestling seems like a minor, insignificant thing right now, but it’s been undeniably affected by the pandemic. WWE and AEW are running weekly shows in empty arenas. WrestleMania 36 now promises to be the strangest WrestleMania in history, set in multiple empty locations and marked by several changes to the card. Like virtually any business right now, the wrestling biz is trying to adapt to a rapidly changing environment. At the start of this month, WWE and AEW tapings were still being attended by thousands of people. Another month from now, there’s no telling what these tapings will look like, if they happen at all.

But even in an unparalleled, ever-evolving situation like this, it’s remarkable how wrestling can remain such a constant. For me, it’s always been there, whether it be in a time of crisis or personal turmoil. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve thrown on some wrestling as comfort. It’s like reheating leftover pizza⏤even if it kinda sucks, and I’ve had it several times before, it’s still pizza and I’m going to consume it. New content may be running low at the moment, but there’s still the WWE Network or our collection of DVDs or various channels on the Internet for us to get our fix. A fan forum where I regularly contribute is currently holding a watch-along for WCW Halloween Havoc 1997. WrestleMania may look different this year, but I’m genuinely interested to see how the show will turn out and I haven’t stopped binging past Manias.

That’s such a powerful thing⏤when the world is in a state of chaos, we still turn to wrestling. We still look to the wrestlers, past and present, who’ve captivated us. So often do we paint wrestling as a garbage business, run by the greediest, most selfish people. Its best years behind it, a lowly form of art awaiting its next PR disaster. But amidst all of this criticism, there’s a deep love at its core. We think of all the ways wrestling has enamored us and constantly strive for ways it can enrapture us over and over again. And as the business is currently being stripped down to the barest of bones, that’s when the love we have for it can really shine through.

I recently rewatched WrestleMania IX for the millionth time. There’s that part with the two Doinks looking at each other and laughing. In a form of entertainment that derives joy from staged brutality, that constantly delivers one unfortunate headline after another, it’s those moments that can remind us, at the end of the day, it’s still plain old dumb fun. Wrestling may seem insignificant to the crisis at large, but dumb fun can absolutely be essential.

[fromtheringapron]

WCW Starrcade 1990

Date: December 16, 1990.

Location: Kiel Auditorium in St. Louis, MO.

Attendance: 7,200.

Commentary: Jim Ross and Paul Heyman.

Results:

1. Bobby Eaton defeated The Z Man.

2. Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament, Round 1: The Steiner Brothers (Rick and Scott) (USA) defeated Col. DeKlerk and Sgt. Krueger (South Africa).

3. Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament, Round 1: Konan and Rey Misterio (Mexico) defeated Chris Adams and Norman Smiley (United Kingdom). 

4. Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament, Round 1: Mr. Saito and The Great Muta (Japan) defeated Rip Morgan and Jacko Victory (New Zealand). 

5. Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament, Round 1: Salman Hashimikov and Victor Zangiev (Russia) defeated Danny Johnson and Troy Montour (Canada). 

6. Michael Wallstreet (with Alexandra Yorke) defeated Terry Taylor. 

7. The Skyscrapers (Sid Vicious and Danny Spivey) defeated The Big Cat and The Motor City Maniac. 

8. Tommy Rich and Ricky Morton (with Robert Gibson) defeated The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael PS Hayes and Jimmy Garvin) (with Little Richard Marley). 

9. Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament, Semi-Final: The Steiner Brothers (Rick and Scott) (USA) defeated Konan and Rey Misterio (Mexico).

10. Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament, Semi-Final: Mr. Saito and The Great Muta (Japan) defeated Salman Hashimikov and Victor Zangiev (Russia).

11. Texas Lariat Match for the NWA United States Heavyweight Championship: Lex Luger defeated Stan Hansen (champion) to win the title. 

12. Street Fight for the NWA World Tag Team Championship: Doom (Ron Simmons and Butch Reed) (champions) (with Theodore Long) fought Arn Anderson and Barry Windham to a no-contest. 

13. Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament, Final: The Steiner Brothers (Rick and Scott) (USA) defeated Mr. Saito and The Great Muta (Japan). 

14. Steel Cage Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sting (champion) defeated The Black Scorpion. 

My Review

The 1990 edition of Starrcade is an outright bad show. Amusingly bad, yes, but it’s still a pretty resounding failure. The cherry on the shit sundae, of course, is The Black Scorpion, one of WCW’s most infamous creative blunders. The storyline leading up to Starrcade was a lot of pulpy early ‘90s hokum⏤a mystery man, who may also be some sort of wizard, haunts world champion Sting for months with a groggy voice provided none other than Ole Anderson. It was completely ridiculous and demanded an equally ridiculous payoff.

What makes it suck so bad, however, is that not only is the reveal underwhelming, but it’s also boring. The Scorpion, first and foremost, is dressed like a masked jobber on an episode of WWF Superstars. Then it’s revealed the Scorpion is Ric Flair, the same man who Sting had already faced off with a billion times in the past two years. It’s admittedly interesting watching Flair try to completely abandon his style to play a new character, but the match itself is a by-the-numbers chore. Oh, and Dick the Bruiser is here as a terrible special guest ref who adds completely nothing. At least the Scorpion has the decency to enter the Kiel Auditorium through a spaceship that looks like your grandmother’s antique lamp.

But that’s not all, folks! We’re also treated to the Pat O’Connor Memorial Tag Team Tournament, featuring teams from all over the world. A noble ideal, but the talent pool is, um, underwhelming to say the least. For example, we get wrestlers billed from “South Africa” who clearly aren’t from that country. Not that it winds up mattering anyway, because the whole point is for the Americans to beat them all. The matches are also hindered by some blown finishes that really kill the mood. It’s just a series of missed opportunities that could’ve been much a cooler concept if they’d thought more outside the box than “Welp, America wins LOL!”

It should be noted this is the second out of four consecutive tournaments WCW would book for their biggest show of the year. This is firmly ensconced in the era where the booking for Starrcade started to get a little wonky, anyway. I’m not sure how much of it had to do with them trying to distance themselves from the NWA name as much as possible or what, but it took away from Starrcade’s standing as a marquee show. It says a lot about this time period for WCW⏤constantly throwing one gimmick out there after another in hopes something would eventually stick.

It’s kinda sad, because it’s clear they didn’t need to go so far out of their way to establish their own identity. So many pieces of the puzzle are present in this show, from the production to the roster. It’s when they work overtime in competing with the WWF that things falls apart, a mistake they’d go on to repeat several times over. Collision Course is a fitting tagline for Starrcade ’90, and I’m not talking about the tag tournament. The show is a hodgepodge of half-baked ideas and, like any collision, the result is a mess.

My Random Notes

Apologies for the blurry quality of the poster above. It’s practically the best version I can find right now. Cut a queen some slack in the midst of pandemic, eh? 

A few production notes: 1.) Why is the WCW logo on the entrance way always crooked? 2.) I love the blue and yellow ring apron, but the red and yellow ropes are a weird fit. 3.) We’re treated throughout the broadcast with Starrcade Stats, a cheeseball yet time-period appropriate concept giving us trading card details on each of the night’s competitors. For example, the Z-Man does a missile dropkick “if possible.”

Spot of the night goes to Col. DeKlerk who damns it all and hits one of most ill-conceived front flips of all time, which causes Rick Steiner to visibly corpse on camera.

Laugh at Team Russia all you want, but they absolutely would be at a singlet party in Provincetown during Bear Week if it were 2020.

I’m pretty supportive of having filler matches on pay-per-views, but what the hell was even the point of that Skyscrapers squash? Did they forget to book it on WCW Saturday Night and need to make up the minutes?

We get our first taste of the highly acclaimed commentary duo of JR/Paul Heyman. It’s a slightly awkward first outing. Heyman isn’t really the Heyman we’d come to know yet so he sometimes comes off as a second-rate Bobby Heenan. He tries making a joke that the Midnight Express broke up due to Yoko Ono, which is every bit as painful as it sounds.

You mean to tell me the best Canadian wrestlers they could find were Troy Montour and Danny Johnson, whom I’m not even sure are actual wrestlers?

This should go without saying, but the Fabulous Freebirds and their fetishization of the Confederate flag is, um, a huge amount of yikes in a 2020 context. I don’t know a whole lot about about the point of them having Little Richard Marley as their sidekick, but I don’t think I want to know.

As with the dawn of any new decade, the ‘80s were still alive in 1990 and you need to look no further than the Dynasty extras they put on this show as the flag-bearers, with hair almost as tall as those big ass stars on the entrance way.

This, amazingly, marks the first time I’ve seen Rey Misterio Sr. (or Rey Misteric, as he’s referred to in the Starrcade graphics). I’ve honestly never even Googled his name to see what he looks like. It does seem like his nephew has a much better handle on the high-flying maneuvers. He inexplicably launches himself over the top rope after his Round 1 match is over. I’m sure it made Col. DeKlerk proud.

[fromtheringapron]

ECW Anarchy Rulz 1999

Date: September 19, 1999.

Location: The Odeum Expo Center in Villa Park, Illinois.

Attendance: 6,000.

Commentary: Joey Styles and Cyrus. 

Results:

1. Lance Storm (with Dawn Marie) defeated Jerry Lynn. 

2. Jazz defeated Tom Marquez via disqualification. 

3. Nova and Chris Chetty fought Simon Diamond and Tony DeVito to a no contest. 

4. Three-Way Dance: Yoshihiro Tajiri defeated Super Crazy and Little Guido (with Sal E. Graziano). 

5. Justin Credible (with Jason) defeated Sabu (with Bill Alfonso). 

6. Three-Way Dance for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship: Mike Awesome (with Judge Jeff Jones) defeated Taz (champion) and Masato Tanaka to win the title. 

7. ECW Tag Team Championship Match: Raven and Tommy Dreamer (champions, with Francine) defeated Rhyno and Steve Corino (with Jack Victory). 

8. ECW Television Championship Match: Rob Van Dam (champion, with Bill Alfonso) defeated Balls Mahoney. 

My Review

Anarchy Rulz ‘99 takes place at a noteworthy point in ECW history. The promotion launched a cable show on TNN a month before the event. Normally this would be a cause for celebration, a major accomplishment for such a renegade promotion that persisted in the war between the WWF and WCW. However, ECW’s relationship with TNN was rocky from the start and its downfall would be one of the key components in hastening the promotion’s demise. They were also soon to lose its reigning heavyweight champion Taz to the WWF, who they’d been banking on to be a featured star on the TNN show. Stranger days were definitely ahead.

Perhaps reflective of the time period, the show itself is all over the place. It’s enjoyable enough, but there’s a lot of strange booking that totally loses me. It probably doesn’t help that I didn’t really watch ECW in its prime. A lot of it is presented to me completely removed from the context. Brawls transition into matches, matches unravel into brawls. It’s all pretty jarring to watch if you’re more familiar with the structure of, say, your typical WCW or WWF pay-per-view of the time. It also probably doesn’t help that ECW pay-per-views tend to not reveal a whole lot of backstory to the matches on the card. There are some scraps you can piece together in regards to the storylines of the time, but don’t expect the cinematic hype packages of your average WWE production that’ll help clue you in.

As for what works, I enjoy the opener and the two three-way dances quite a bit. The three-way for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship makes the bold choice to write out Taz minutes in, which results in us getting a taste of the Mike Awesome/Masato Tanka feud that continues to receive heaps of praise to this day. Amazingly though, in the trend of strange booking on this show, it doesn’t close out the night. The show lingers on for another hour or so, instead ending with a TV title match to showcase Rob Van Dam. It’s not a bad match or anything, but it can’t help but feel like a flat way to end things.

What really jumps out at me watching this show is that ECW seems to be peaking in terms of popularity and production values. From a commercial perspective, this is one of the most successful shows in the promotion’s history, especially in terms of attendance. The Odeum Expo Center may not be the grandest venue in the world, but it’s a major upgrade from the hole-in-the-wall venues of yore. ECW’s production always looked rough, and the promotion always prided itself on that, but things look much more polished by this point. We’re getting a product that still looks gritty as hell without it seeming they only have a budget of five dollars.

Overall, Anarchy Rulz ’99 sees ECW reaching some serious highs, with a feeling that things are soon to fall apart. There’s plenty of anarchy, and some of it is pretty fun, but there are definitely points where you’ll wish for a bit more order.

My Random Notes

So Cyrus decides to prove he’s brilliant and intellectually superior to everyone by culturally appropriating the bindi. Do I have that right?

Sad sign of the times: Simon Diamond cuts a promo about how women are only good for T&A and the crowd agrees.

I don’t think I’m breaking any new ground here by noting, but it’s amazing how often ECW equates “being extreme” with “being misogynistic and homophobic.” None of this shocks me, mind you, but it’s nonetheless aged appallingly. All the jabs thrown at Dawn Marie in the opening bout alone tells you everything you need to know. Also, how many times does the crowd chant about a male wrestler sucking dick?

Nova is dressed like he’s ready to joust for legions of tourists at the Excalibur Resort in Las Vegas. Tony DeVito, meanwhile, is dressed like he just finished some yard work around the house.

Amazing how many guys here would make up WWE’s mid card in the early to mid ‘00s. Super Crazy vs. Nunzio is definitely something that happened on Velocity once or twice. I don’t have proof, but I’m convinced it happened.

Who the fuck is Johnny Smith? Who the fuck is Judge Jeff Jones? Who the fuck is Tom Marquez?

I always roll my eyes at ECW using insider terms like “heat” or “getting over” or some shit. I’m sure it’s probably something that was seen as clever or edgy back in ’99, but it only makes me think about the cringe-worthy worked shoot garbage Vince Russo loves.

Slightly off-topic, but all the talk about ECW on TNN got me thinking about Roller Jam, which is a show I thought I just imagined but am happy to know it was real. I dare you to check it out. You’ll never dog the acting in professional wrestling ever again.

[fromtheringapron]

Royal Rumble ‘90 Fan Picks: A Review

Last year, I graded promos of the participants in the 1990 Royal Rumble match. It was a super fun time, but we’re not done with all the early ‘90s goodness yet. While the pre-match promos are an excellent piece of character work, the more enlightened among us would know they weren’t the only ones who went public with their thoughts on that day’s event. If you owned the Coliseum Home Video release (which I assume would be everyone), you’d see an exclusive segment where the fans in attendance give their picks on who’s going to win.

Needless to say, this is an utterly delightful segment. It’s a raw, honest look into what human beings were like at the start of the ‘90s. Years and years from now, when we’re all dead and buried, this will be in a time capsule as one of our last vestiges to a particular time in history. Also, thankfully, it’s a glimpse into the absurd mark-dom of early ’90s wrestling fans, unblemished by Internet snark and social media savvy. Their thoughts are pure and ridiculous and perfect for riffing all at once. Bless them all.

Anyway, let’s take a look and see who the masses in Orlando thought would go all the way in the Rumble 30 slappin’ years ago:

The Man in Black: We start with a fairly boring young man who thinks The Ultimate Warrior is going to win because of his strength and wrestling experience. Um, okay? About as basic and unimaginative as his opinion is his fashion sense. Entirely draped in black, could easily be mistaken for one of those goths who popped up around the mid ‘90s for the Undertaker. Also, what’s up with the Canon shoulder strap? Surely he must’ve taken some photos. I want live photos to surface of Saaphire striking Queen Sherri mid-slap. I demand it.

Potential Murder Suspect: Honestly, I don’t know whether to find this dude endearing or creepy. The tone of his voice says fun and flamboyant, but the eyes being covered by those massive sunglasses gives me the heebie jeebies. What are you hiding from us, my dear sir? Anyway, he says Hulk Hogan will win because of his 24-inch pythons. His next TV appearance, I’m guessing, was on America’s Most Wanted. 

Fighting Frat Bros: So next we get two guys who just came from the nearest keg party to argue over whether Hogan or Warrior will win. I’m not sure if the producers forced them to do this to hype WrestleMania VI, but I will say you can’t possibly script some frat dude saying the Warrior will win because he’s “a monster wrestler.” The pro-Hogan one of the pair argues the Hulkster will because of, you guessed it, his 24-inch pythons. People in 1990 were really fascinated with the pythons. Neither bro is the star of this bit, however. That honor instead belongs to the the clueless dude in the Bret Hart shirt behind them looking totally befuddled and seems to have wandered to the Orlando Arena by accident. What a gem.

Most Hated Woman in America: Literally all this women says is that Mr. Perfect is gonna win the Rumble to get absolutely crapped on by everyone around her. She was then presumably disowned by her family off-camera. Also, she’s wearing a Hulkamania shirt as she says this and it’s like, um, sis, whose side are you really on? The chorus of boos is led by a tie-dye clad fellow who seems to be under the impression he’s attending a Grateful Dead concert.

Smarky Smarks: Ugh. Look at these smug little shits. You just know they get off telling all the marks about the latest Meltzer scoops from the Wrestling Observer. Give it 10 years and these would probably be the same dudes on the Net ranting about how Taka Michinoku and Dean Malenko should be main eventing WrestleMania, could wrestle The Rock out of his boots, blah blah blah. They pick Mr. Perfect to win because of course they do.

Our Lady Peace: Wait, who’s this? Who is this sentient being arisen from hairspray and cigarette ash? She swoops in with the fervent call of I’M SORRY TO DISAGREE WITH YA that immediately swallows our smark bros whole. She asserts that Jake The Snake is going to win. This queen has rescued us from their nauseating self-satisfaction with her tried and true Jake fandom. Ma’am, if you’re still bopping around south Florida somewhere, you’re a hero. Maybe you still think Jake is gonna win the Rumble, I don’t know. We’ll always have this document of your good deeds to remember you by.

Bill Eadie’s #1 Fan: Easily the most random pick comes from this gentleman who, um, picks Demolition Axe because “he’s the only one that can beat Andre The Giant.” His friend appears to be on the verge of laughter. I can’t tell if this is a deliberate troll job by these dudes or what. Funnily enough, I could actually see Bill Eadie with some sort of cult following amongst smart fans who knew of his extensive pre-Demolition career, but as our Rumble winner? Come on now.

Hit Girl: So this youngster picks Bret Hart because “he’s really neat and has a good chance.” This is chilling to watch. She has no idea how hard her hero will disappoint her. He will fail, having his elimination barely on-camera. Her world view will become jaded. Years later, she will enact revenge on him and orchestrate the Montreal Screwjob. If you’re looking for the real mastermind behind it all, look no further. Vince was just the fall guy.

Shady Lady: This woman, who appears to have stolen Gorilla Monsoon’s glasses, predicts Roddy Piper is gonna win because “he’s got great legs, even if he does wear a skirt.” We’ll need to unpack this. First off, I really want to know how Piper’s gorgeous gams will lead him to victory, although if he came there to chew gum and kick some ass, the legs may help him out with that. Then, in the second bit of that statement, she suddenly turns heel. Even if he does wear a skirt? Is that shade? Did she take notes from Bobby Heenan? To go from thirsting after Hot Rod to dragging him in a single promo is some legend shit. The Attitude Era began right here.

Silver Fox: Wait, so this guy clearly works at the arena, right? Look at how he’s dressed. There’s a name tag there but, alas, the Orlando sun leaves me unable to read it. Anyway, he thinks “Jimmy Superfly” is gonna win because “he is the best.” And then he does a hilariously pathetic Jimmy Snuka impersonation, which I can only assume was so awful that he was fired from his Orlando Arena job later that day.

Pretty Fly for a White Guy: This guy never stops to catch his breath at any point during this bit. It kinda stresses me out. He thinks Randy Savage will win because the Royal Rumble is named after royalty and the only king is Savage himself. Clever reasoning, my dude! He then holds up a piece of abstract art resembling a sign. It’s supposed to depict Sherri, but we only get Sherri’s eyes looking directly into our souls. Fans in the early ‘90s were avant-guard trailblazers in their own way.

Saaphire’s #1 Fan: This child picks Dusty Rhodes to win because “he’s got a really good manager.” That manager, as if I need to remind you, is Saaphire, who isn’t a manager and is actually a crazed Dusty fan who was picked from relative obscurity. It’s so easy to mock this, but I appreciate the pure innocence in his answer. Plus, I like the idea that Saaphire has this amazing wrestling savvy to bring Dusty to the winner’s circle. Did you know that Saaphire invented the Canadian Destroyer and the Spanish Fly?

And that’s a wrap. Woof, what a segment. They don’t make ‘em like this anymore. So, who do you think will win this year’s Royal Rumble? I’m picking Demolition Axe. After all, he’s the only one that can beat Brock Lesnar. 

[fromtheringapron]

WWE New Year’s Revolution 2005

Date: January 9, 2005. 

Location: Coliseo de Puerto Rico in San Juan. Puerto Rico. 

Attendance: 15,764.

Commentary: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Jonathan Coachmen joined commentary after match 4. 

Results: 

1. WWE World Tag Team Championship Match: Eugene and William Regal (champions) defeated Christian and Tyson Tomko.

2. WWE Women’s Championship Match: Trish Stratus defeated Lita (champion) to win the title. 

3. WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Shelton Benjamin (champion) defeated Maven. 

4. Muhammed Hassan (with Daivari) defeated Jerry Lawler (with Jim Ross).

5. Kane defeated Snitsky.

6. Elimination Chamber Match for the Vacant WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Triple H defeated Batista, Randy Orton, Edge, Chris Jericho, and Chris Benoit to win the title. Shawn Michaels was the special guest referee. 

My Review

Man, New Year’s Revolution 2005 is awful. I happened to order the show on a whim back in ’05 and had the misfortune of watching it live. I thought it was so underwhelming and now, rewatching it 15 years later, I can say I absolutely stand by that opinion. This show took place at a time when WWE were really starting to pile on the amount of pay-per-views they were doing in a calendar year, sometimes having two within the same month. This often resulted in throwaway shows with paper-thin cards, and let New Year’s Revolution 2005 be exhibit A. It does have the unique distinction of being the first WWE pay-per-view out of Puerto Rico, but that only makes it all the more head-scratching why they didn’t bother to make the show a bit more special.

The undercard is a whole bunch of nothing. The first two matches are stricken with a bit of bad luck, with back-to-back injuries that completely kill the the show’s momentum out of the gate. The latter of these, Lita’s injury, ultimately results in her ongoing feud with Trish Stratus coming to an abrupt halt, which is disappointing as the Lita/Trish rivalry is genuinely one of the most iconic storylines in the history of WWE women’s wrestling. But if the injuries were purely accidental, there’s no defending what they do with the Intercontinental title match. I get Maven is just a throwaway challenger for Shelton Benjamin, but did they really need to resort to turning the match into one long, weak Maven promo? A card this threadbare can’t afford a lot of filler. I’d even go so far as to say it’s something they shouldn’t have even tried on Raw.

The Elimination Chamber match is far and away the best thing here, but it’s brought down by some frustrating booking. It’s easy to forget Triple H once had to vacate the World Heavyweight title for a short while, largely because it wound up being completely unnecessary. Triple H wins the belt back here, as anyone could predict, but why even go with the vacancy storyline to begin with if it’s never actually going to lead to any major change? Maybe they just wanted to build more intrigue for their first ever Puerto Rico pay-per-view, but surely there’s another way to do that without essentially running us in a circle. On the plus side, the actual match is pretty fun and does a great job of weaving in the slow-burn Batista/Triple H storyline. The subtle moments in building up that story shows how much effort all parties involved put in to make it something special. We even get setup for an HBK/Edge feud thrown into the mix, so at least the main event is successful in propelling some stories forward.

Overall, the first edition of New Year’s Revolution sees the WWE trying to get their calendar year off to a roaring start. Unfortunately, like many a resolution at the dawn of January, this show fizzles out quickly and barely results in anything of consequence. If you want to start the new year off the right way, I wouldn’t recommend watching this show. Maybe just catch up on some sleep or something.

My Random Notes

The show is aesthetically confusing. Palm trees and Puerto Rico flags are interspersed with . . . fire-breathing dragons and allusions to Armageddon?!? I feel like the latter stuff was planned from day one, but the former was tacked on at the last minute.

My mind drifted for much of Kane vs. Snitsky but, holy hell, Kane’s loosened boot is distracting as shit. I wanted to reach through the screen and tie it up myself.

Speaking of which, I’m happy to say this is the first show I’ve ever covered on here to feature the one and only Mr. Gene Snitsky. Snitsky is such a wonderful mid ‘00s oddity, exactly the type of character you could’ve only gotten from this time period in WWE history. This era had a lot of hosses who eventually fizzled out (Luther Reigns, Matt Morgan, Tyson Tomko, etc.), but Snitsky’s inherently bizarre affect ensured he’d at least be someone we’d remember.

Footage of WWE Divas lounging poolside at a resort air throughout the broadcast. Who in 2005 could’ve predicted that Diva Search fifth-placer Maria Kanellis would still have a steady role on WWE TV nearly 15 years later, especially one that sees her leverage her pregnancy for more airtime? Show of hands.

On Randy Orton’s 04-05 face run: Yikes. I seem to remember moments where it dipped into some seriously cringe-worthy territory. It felt like they were trying to make him the next Rock when he really had more of an Austin streak in him. He’d have better luck as a face later down the line, though ultimately none of his face runs have interested me much. Orton circa early to mid ‘00s looks like an insufferable Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue come to life who you wanna see get smacked and I wouldn’t want him any other way.

It’s so weird in hindsight how the iconic Trish/Lita rivalry reached its fever pitch amidst one of the most ludicrous storylines in WWE history - the Kane/Lita/Edge/Matt Hardy love square with a guest appearance by Snitsky. You always hear how much of a game-changer their rivalry turned out to be, with the pregnancy, miscarriage, slut-shaming, and wacky wedding hijinks that fueled a good part of it kinda mentioned as an aside.

The decision to forgo commentary for Hassan vs. Lawler is a weird one, for sure. It’s not really a match you’d want to hear without context. Was Todd Grisham or whomever not available for that block of time to step in and call it?

Needless to say, but JR and Lawler obviously look like the assholes in the Hassan feud. Like, major Trump-supporting assholes. It’s so hard to feel bad for them when they’re getting their asses whooped. There’s a lot to discuss about the handling of the character of Muhammed Hassan, but I’ll leave it right now at it’s really gross watching the face roster espouse post-9/11 racist ideology and having it embraced by both the company and the fans.

[fromtheringapron]

WWF In Your House V: Season’s Beatings

Date: December 17, 1995.

Location: Hersheypark Arena in Hershey, Pennsylvania.

Attendance: 7,289.

Commentary: Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.

Results:

1. Razor Ramon and Marty Jannetty defeated The 1-2-3 Kid and Sycho Sid (with Ted DiBiase). 

2. Ahmed Johnson defeated Buddy Landel (with Dean Douglas). 

3. Hog Pen Match: Hunter Hearst Helmsley defeated Henry O. Godwin. Hillbilly Jim was the special guest referee. 

4. Owen Hart (with Jim Cornette) defeated Diesel via disqualification. 

5. Casket Match: The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) defeated King Mabel (with Sir Mo).

6. WWF World Heavyweight Championship Match: Bret Hart (champion) defeated The British Bulldog (with Jim Cornette and Diana Smith).

My Review

The fifth In Your House is a bizarrely entertaining show. At this point in time, the WWF knew they were in trouble. After all, 1995 was an incredibly rough year for the company from both a creative and financial perspective, and they were looking for anything that could catch fire. Thusly, we get this show, an odd mashup of caskets, hog pens, and evil Santas⏤and it somehow works. It’s a showcase for the WWF to throw stuff at a wall and see what sticks. Fortunately, with the exception of a messy Jeff Jarrett/Ahmed Johnson segment, most of it lands pretty well.

The In Your House concept was still a fairly new one at this time. Its early additions often focused on delivering a bunch of different things you couldn’t get from any other pay-per-view, all for a reasonably cheap price. This show is no exception, but its offerings feel a little more satisfying than usual. The WWF was still firmly ensconced in cartoon gimmickry by late ’95, and this show actually manages to bring the fun to match it. The Hog Pen match is obviously meant to be a bunch of tomfoolery, but the players involved revel in it. Hillbilly Jim as the special guest referee is a nice touch, though modern fans will definitely get more amusement from watching Triple H take part in something like this. The casket match between Mabel and The Undertaker is kept short and sweet. It’s a serviceable way to end the main event run of the former, whose ascent to the top proved to be one of 1995’s biggest missteps.

If those matches fit right in with the era, there’s also plenty of proof here of the WWF looking toward an edgier future. The homoeroticism of the Goldust character is really beginning to present itself and while there’s obviously a lot problematic with the storyline in a 2019 context, his lusting over Razor Ramon was new ground for the WWF, especially at a time when having gay characters on TV at all was a hot-button topic. The show’s most famous match is the main event between Bret Hart and The British Bulldog. You’d be remiss to expect something similar to their match at Summerslam ’92. It features one hell of a blade job by Bret, which may be the first instance of blood on WWF TV since WrestleMania VIII. Between this spot and him going through a table at the Survivor Series the month previously, Bret ultimately spearheaded quite a bit of the WWF’s edgier programming. It’s all the more ironic that he’d voice his displeasure at the raunchiness of the Attitude Era when he was one of the key figures in its creation.

The cherry on top is the debut of the WWF’s newest character, Xanta Klaus. Yes, that’s right: St. Nick turns heel on this show. Needless to say, the character didn’t last long, but it goes right along with a show that’s already so weird and off-kilter. And perhaps an even better thing is that this show’s runtime is just under two hours. It’s a fun, brisk watch and goes down like a smooth shot of peppermint Schnapps. It’s the right show for the holiday season, and everything a B-level pay-per-view should be.

My Random Notes

The In Your House theme is kind of a bop, no? I have a thing for pay-per-view themes that sound like the last thing you’d associate with wrestling and it really fits the bill. It’s got that blues sound you could only get in the ‘90s.

Triple H gets a gnarly cut on his back from the metal gate of the hog pen and once it gets mixed in with the mud, you have something that really makes my stomach turn.

Speaking of HHH, surely there’s gotta be more than one person out there who can say they chatted with him on the WWF Superstar hotline while he was covered in pig shit. If you’re out there, please report your experience here!

Given how old dark matches are popping up out of the WWE video archives all the time now, I hope one day we can see the absurdity of Barry Horowitz, Hakushi, and The Smoking Gunns defeating Yokozuna, Issac Yankem, and The Bodydonnas in eight-man tag action. The In Your House dark matches were pretty weird on paper, in general.

So, Double J’s return here: what was up with that? He walked out at the height of his push in the summer of ’95 and then showed back up because he felt like it, I guess? And then he left again a month later because he also felt like it? I don’t think I’ve ever gotten the full story there.

I mentioned the Jarrett/Ahmed segment being a huge mess, and I stand by that, but the transition into the Ahmed/Landell match is way worse. I actually had to Google the name of the ring announcer (it’s Manny Garcia). He completely ruins the surprise by announcing Landell before he’s even revealed as Dean Douglas’ surprise replacement. With that said, I do appreciate the effort WWF made in time traveling 10 years in the past to steal Buddy Landell from the NWA. The Monday Night Wars were crazy like that.

Ah, yes, an entire VHS dedicated to cheat codes for WrestleMania: The Arcade Game. I’ll be sure to pop that in the ole VCR after I watch Jennifer Anniston and Matthew Perry teach me how to use Windows ’95.

It’s practically public knowledge by now, but Diesel in the last six months of his WWF run is absolutely who he should’ve been for the entirety of his world title run. I really hate to throw the ole “shades of gray” line out there, but Diesel’s character here was ahead of the game in terms of being the type of tweener that would be in abundance on the roster during the Attitude Era.

[fromtheringapron]

Scott Casey’s Top 5 Survivor Series Moments

While you’re stuffing another drumstick down your gullet to ease yet another painstaking holiday season, let me take you back to Thanksgiving night in 1988. I wasn’t alive back then, and many of you reading probably weren’t either, but a legend was born on that night. It’s a story that’s been passed down from generation to generation of wrestling fans, and I must do my part in sharing it with you.

There have been several historic moments over years at the Survivor Series. The debut of The Undertaker. The Montreal Screwjob. The first ever Elimination Chamber match. However, there’s one moment that stands tall among the rest: the first and only pay-per-view appearance of Scott Casey. It’s a moment that practically needs no introduction. What sort of good did people do in the late ‘80s that they were gifted with this man’s presence? How could they have been blessed with a wrestler who also looks like your friend’s dad? Nothing short of a miracle, if you ask me.

Fate had a way of bringing Scott Casey to us. In the lead-up to Survivor Series 1988, The Junkyard Dog was originally slated to be a member of Jake Roberts and Jim Duggan’s team. Plans quickly changed, as the Dog ultimately left the WWF shortly afterwards. JYD was then replaced by B. Brian Blair and it seemed the former Killer Bee was well on his way to the Richmond Coliseum for Thanksgiving night. Then plans changed again⏤Blair left the WWF right before the show. How could the WWF possibly remedy this situation? Who could step in and save the show from total collapse?

Enter the Casey. For roughly 10 minutes, Scott Casey wrestled on a WWF pay-per-view and nothing has been the same since. The fans in the Richmond Coliseum were in such a state of shock over what they were witnessing. “Okay, but is this really happening right now?” I’m sure they all asked themselves. Casey would never wrestle on another pay-per-view again but, truthfully, one appearance was enough to cement him as a legend. Take a deep breath and consume the top 5 moments of his one and only iconic appearance:

He Wore Blue Trunks: In a bold fashion statement, Scott Casey rocked the wrestling world that night by wearing blue trunks. He could’ve worn red. Maybe even a shade of green. But, no, he chose to wear blue. Step aside, Slick, the real doctor of style is in the house!

He Slapped Hands with the Fans: You know what’s crazy? There are actually people in this world whose hands have touched Scott Casey. Sure, everyone else on Casey’s team may have also slapped fives as they walked down the aisle way, but come on now⏤would you rather slap hand with late-career Ken Patera or a mustached god in the flesh? I really hope none of those fans washed their hands ever again.

He was Tagged In: Every generation has their “Where were you when⏤?” moment, and I’m sure for several kids in the late ‘80s that moment is when Scott Casey was first tagged into the match. Imagine, if you will, a child playing with their WWF action figures, watching Survivor Series on pay-per-view, only to pause when they see Jake Roberts tag in the Case-onator. I’d kill to time travel back in time to ’88 just to see American families gathered around their TV to get their eyeballs on history in the making. If you have goosebumps thinking about it, I’m right there with you.

He Attempted a Monkey Flip: King of taking risks! Everyone who is everyone remembers when Scott Casey attempted a monkey flip on Dino Bravo. It didn’t work, of course, but the sheer amount of courage to do that is something to be marveled. Even better was his selling afterwards. Bravo countered the monkey flip into an inverted atomic drop, and Casey sold it like he just took a fireball to his crotch. You know who never took an inverted atomic drop from Dino Bravo? Kenny Omega.

He was Pinned: All good things must come to an end, and that’s even true with Scott Casey. His exit is a particularly memorable one⏤taking a hard side suplex from Dino Bravo. I’m sure several tears were shed that night by the fans in attendance and those watching from home. Go back and rewatch it⏤the Richmond Coliseum is overcome with deafening silence. Everyone is in mourning. A deeply powerful moment, and one that stands out in the annals of Survivor Series history.

And that’s that. Yes, I know this may have been too intense. But it’s okay. Take some time to take it all in. In the meantime, I’ll be watching Survivor Series ’88 over and over again to experience the magic.

[fromtheringapron]

WWF Survivor Series 2000

Date: November 19, 2000.

Location: Ice Palace in Tampa, Florida. 

Attendance: 18,602.

Commentary: Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. 

Results:

1. Steve Blackman, Crash Holly, and Molly Holly defeated T&A (Test and Albert) and Trish Stratus. 

2. Survivor Series Elimination Match: The Radicalz (Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, Chris Benoit, and Eddie Guerrero) defeated Chyna, Billy Gunn, Road Dogg, and K-Kwik. Saturn and Benoit were the survivors. 

3. Kane defeated Chris Jericho. 

4. WWF European Championship Match: William Regal (champion) defeated Hardcore Holly via disqualification. 

5. The Rock defeated Rikishi. 

6. WWF Women’s Championship Match: Ivory (champion) defeated Lita. 

7. WWF Championship Match: Kurt Angle (champion) defeated The Undertaker. 

8. Survivor Series Elimination Match: The Dudley Boys (Bubba Ray and D-Von) and The Hardy Boyz (Jeff and Matt) defeated Edge & Christian and Right to Censor (Bull Buchanan & The Goodfather) (with Val Venis). Jeff Hardy was the sole survivor. 

9. Triple H and Steve Austin fought to a no-contest. 

My Review 

The WWF was on the top of the world by the time Survivor Series 2000 rolled around. They were enjoying one of the most profitable years in their history, in addition to having a roster jam-packed with stars. In fact, they’d gained such a considerable lead over rival WCW that it didn’t even feel like WCW existed anymore, six months before that even became true. If they still felt like they were hovering over the WWF in 1998 and 1999, WCW were truly in the rear window by 2000, and the year’s edition of the fall classic sees the WWF riding away in confidence.

As for the actual show itself, it’s okay. Sorta fun, but hardly anything memorable. I’d argue it’s probably the least memorable Survivor Series of the Attitude Era. It’s smack in the middle of the fallout to the Who Ran Over Stone Cold? storyline, which I’ve always felt was a bit underwhelming. I get they needed a way to write out Steve Austin in late ’99, but dragging out the mystery for almost a year was unnecessary. There was twist thrown in that Rikishi was actually the accomplice to the crime, but whatever. Everyone and their dog knew Triple H was the mastermind behind it the instant it happened. Why even bother teasing anything else?

Anyway, Triple H vs. Austin is our main event and the result is, well, pretty inconclusive. It’s standard Attitude Era brawl stuff, with a guest appearance from The Radicals. If you’ve seen a bunch of other main events from the era, you’ve practically already seen this one. The real story is the post-match angle, which is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve seen happen at the Survivor Series this side of the Gobbledy Gooker. We’re really made to believe Triple H dies in a vehicular homicide. It’s unintentionally hilarious and never fails to make me laugh. I mean, that it involves Austin driving a forklift is already one thing, but that H’s car completely flattens like Wylie E. Coyote getting smooshed by an anvil is even better. I’m sure fans in 2000 were pissed by the show ending this way, but god damn. That’s the absurdity I want out of wrestling.

That Triple H/Austin doesn’t have an actual ending here fits right in with everything else on the card. It feels like a transitional show all the way through, from the title bouts to the traditional elimination matches. The WWF clearly didn’t see this night as a particularly important one. Survivor Series has long been seen as the least major of the Big 4, and a show like this doesn’t quite help that change that viewpoint. I’d even go so far as to say this is the one Survivor Series to feel the least like an actual Survivor Series. It just feels like another pay-per-view, as if it were Judgement Day or Unforgiven. It wouldn’t be the last Survivor Series to have this feeling, but it ultimately results in a show that fails to stand out.

My Random Notes

Weirdly enough, this show is now most famous for The Undertaker’s choice of pants. So nice of The Godfather to lend him a spare pair of trousers for the evening. They could totally pass as bed pants. They look comfy as fuck.

It’s taken me awhile to flat-out admit it, but Steve Blackman is sexy as fuck. I would allow him to ravage me with his nunchucks. There, I said it. The more you know.

So that whole segment with Tiger Ali Singh not getting allowed past building security has, um, aged poorly to say the least. The Attitude Era couldn’t even be trusted in treating women like actual people, so there wasn’t much hope for their take on Sikh culture. 

Surely Rikishi could’ve chosen a new thong to wear for his heel turn. Pity the poor folks in the year 2000, for they did not have the full access to the Andrew Christian catalog like we do.

Some fan in the crowd holds up the sign “Rock for President - No Recount Needed!” Such a fierce political statement for the time period. If only they knew The Rock took it seriously.

Honestly kinda surprised they didn’t play up Billy Gunn and Road Dogg teaming again. Then again, things moved at such a breakneck pace in the Attitude Era that stuff like The New Age Outlaws and DX already felt like a distant memory by this point.

Damn, Lita got busted up, eh? Examples of women in WWE history getting color are few and far between so it’s always a little jarring to see. I must say: Lita in low-hanging pants with the pink thong showing is a Halloween lewk I’ll need to replicate one year.

Any idea on identity of the fake Kurt Angle on this show? He’s kinda cute, I’ll give him that.

Ah, yes, we have the Kane/Jericho cup of coffee feud fully on display. In the pantheon of Kane storylines, it’s obviously far from the ridiculous, though certainly the pettiest. Maybe getting hot coffee spilt on him triggered flashbacks in Kane to getting set on fire by his brother?!?

Trish Status is still in phase one of her character here, but she’s slowly transitioning out of it. It’s easy to forget how she already “gets” it at this stage for someone who had literally no wrestling background before getting signed. She already seems she’s been in the game for awhile here when it’s only been 8 or 9 months.