#we really don't talk about shitty reviews enough

[marlinspirkhall]

Sometimes I read/hear a genuinely insightful critique which widens my appreciation for the original work, introduces me to several related topics I wouldn't have stumbled across otherwise, genuinely brightens my day, lifts my mood, inspires me in twelve different ways; I can feel my brain expanding in real time. Hand shaking, I foolishly search for other essays on the topic:

"Top ten reasons Protagonist is a Mary Sue", seven billion views, and a Guardian review giving it two and a half stars because they found it "too ambiguous".

[naturalblue22]

so basically after months of both thinking about it and avoiding thinking about it i have come to the conclusion that i'm scared because i knew her for a long time and then i thought i knew her but i idolised her best aspects and now i would know her again if we were closer but i feel guilty because i miss misunderstanding her and worry that she isn't someone i like anymore and that i'm not someone she really likes either and is being nice, for old times sake

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not having time to read my mutual's writing?

Met a mutual on here, bonded through fanfic, have been tight with them for a few years with pretty much no bumps in the relationship, just overall had a really good time hanging around them when I could. We both write a lot and share our writing, and occasionally we talk about that writing/workshop it in passing.

In the past few years I've gone through a ton of life changes. Most notably I went from a multi-person household to a single-person one, and I've been living alone in a prohibitively costly city for a while now working 40 hour weeks and barely scraping by. As soon as the transition started I spent the last of my free income on a shitty little laptop so I could still write, putting down words on my bus/train commutes in the morning and quite literally writing on my breaks at work because I feel insane when I can't create. I bring this up to really stress that I don't have the time for the hobby, I force myself to make the time and even then it never feels like enough.

The only thing I can really stand to do with my 3 hours of free time at night is hang out with my moots online. I'm an extrovert so being around people recharges me. If I don't have designated social time I get super depressed and can pretty much feel my soul withering away. I also feel like I should probably mention that I kinda have a slew of mental issues, personality disorders and PTSD and AuDHD and the works. Point being, shit is rough my dude, but I am a person who likes to work hard and face challenges head on and even though we strugglin, we doing it with a positive outlook.

But! I am an incredibly solution-oriented person and I have found what I personally believe to be a good balance. No one should have to live like this, but I do, and I have found a way to be happy. My writing and my social time is all load-bearing. It is not something I just choose to do on a whim, it's all planned and scheduled and I adhere to those routines very strictly because, I cannot stress this enough, I will go fucking bonkers if I don't.

I'm mutuals with a lot of writers obv, and I sadly don't have time to read their work anymore, unless I get some extra time on my days off or something gets cancelled or like, I end up taking a vacation. I carry a great amount of guilt for this, though, even though I logically know it's reasonable. I try to support them where I can, cheer them on when I see them writing and tell them how cool their ideas sound, hype them up even when I can't actually read & review.

One of the things I do is sometimes I leave a kudos on fic I haven't read. I'm not trying to be ingenuine, and if they asked me I'd tell them like 'Oh I didn't read it yet, just wanted to show support!' but to me it's kinda like ripping a paper tab off a poster so that other's feel inclined to do the same. Plus my pals get a little email and a hit of serotonin.

Except one of my acquaintances, the one I mentioned at the start here, saw that I left kudos on a couple pieces another mutual of mine wrote this year. They more or less blew up my DMs with a ton of accusatory (like, literally presented like a 'GOTCHA!') stuff about how I was selective in who's fic I read, more or less implying that I secretly held some sort of grudge or negative feeling toward them and was making the conscious decision not to read or interact with their writing because of. Something, I don't actually know what they were trying to say. They also told me they vented to their friends about this MULTIPLE times, but they never once approached me to let me know they were feeling paranoid or neglected, they literally just took the most bad faith reading of it possible and then presented that to me like it was something I intentionally did, while the whole time I was unaware.

I tried to explain to them the kudos thing, that I didn't do it to every story, just ones I caught/noticed in my busy schedule. And I laid all this out and asked, multiple times, what free time am I supposed to read with? They didn't answer, and doubled down, kept trying to show me 'proof' that I was shorting them and no one else. Once they started to realize how wrong they were they backed down, but they didn't really apologize, or admit they were wrong, and they tried to end our relationship and left every single server we were in together. Because of some other unrelated stuff going on in my life, I didn't really consider them to be a close friend, but they were someone I really held dear and would've walked through hell for if they'd asked.

I still feel like there is something I'm missing here, and that's why I wanted to ask if I'm TA. I'm a pretty good communicator but one of the things I told myself when talking down my disordered thoughts (guilt about this prior) was "no one in their right mind would use reading fanfic as a metric for friendship." Now that I've had that exact thing happen, I'm starting to think maybe those thoughts weren't so disordered. Maybe this IS a big deal, and I should think about it more, but I don't even know what the solution to that would be. I just. Don't have time to read something lovingly crafted and appreciate it for what it is. All the hours in my week are used up, I'd have to lose sleep for this and with my mental health the way it is that is not an option.

Feel free to be a brutal, my skin is thick. Thanks!

What are these acronyms?

[aihoshiino]

chapter 165 thoughts

Aqua Hoshigan Status: It's Officially Hoshinover

Chapters Until The Story Ends Without The 143 Kiss Being Addressed Or Acknowledged: 1

damn i guess they really did just kill his ass

I'm gonna be so real with you gamers, I kind of don't have a lot to say about this one either lol. Which I acknowledge sounds completely wild given the Everything that happens in it, but most of my meat and potatoes analysis in these reviews comes from breaking down characterization and we're flying through everything at such breakneck pace that we're barely getting any characterization.

It continues to drive me bugfuck insane that Ai is completely absent from this finale despite the importance of 15 Year Lie. Its imagery is plastered all over but whenever we return to it, we just see Aqua. Not only that, but Gotanda is the one who insists on pushing the movie through for Aqua. 15YL as a story about Ai's true self and her tragedy is now officially taking a backseat to being about Aqua's tragic death and legacy. It was already bad enough that we spent so much time in the Movie Arc not actually focusing on Ai to the extent that, as everyone pointed out, based on what we saw on-page it was basically a Sad Kamiki Movie, but this really is just pissing right in the wound at this point lmao.

The funeral scene also serves as the final nail in the coffin for any Secretly Alive Aqua copes, which is kind of a relief. I still don't like how Aqua's death played out, but I think dragging it out for four chapters then going "sorry you thought i was /srs when i was just /jk" would have been infinitely more insulting. I don't like this ending, but I can respect that Akasaka seems to be sticking to his guns on it, even if we still do have like a whole chapter left for him to whip around and go "I WAS /JK ALL ALONG!!!!" but I don't see it happening.

Anyway, yeah! The funeral! Uh. Is it gonna sound weird if I say I felt kind of like… grossed out reading this the first time? Like, I really don't know how else to explain the visceral "why the fuck is the author making me read this" reaction I had to it. I think it's just because Kana is so fucking distraught here and the drama is just so hammy and so over the top that it feels kind of… ech. I dunno. I just really didn't vibe.

It doesn't help that this is part of a much broader pattern in the back half of OnK of Aka getting us right up close into the gory details of a character's complete mental breakdown and suffering and then spend zero time or focus on their recovery. This happened with Ruby all over the Movie Arc and this many times and with this little runway to the end of the series, it just starts to feel exploitative, like a way to cheaply pull at our heartstrings without doing the work to build everyone back up after tearing them down.

also pre-emptively dreading all the fuel this is going to add to the fires of People Who Are Weird And Misogynistic About Kana but she could die saving innocent children from a burning building and people would find reasons to be shitty about her lmao

we really are not seeing ruby's reaction to finding out her brother was dead huh lol

I will say the one thing I didn't Actively Dislike about this chapter was Ruby, though. I was honestly starting to get pretty skeeved out with how many people were gleefully predicting or actively wishing for her immediate suicide purely for ship motivated reasons and I was also worrying that the story was going to pretend that Ruby doesn't like. Have a life and support system outside of Aqua. Yes, she should absolutely be affected by his death but this period of her shutting down only to drag herself back onto her feet that we seem to be getting feels way more in line with pre-Movie Arc flanderization Ruby and I'll take that W where I can get it.

god. I haven't even talked about Kamiki's supposed serial killer cult. I just don't have the strength. Like… that's self-evidently stupid, right? I don't need to explain to you why that's ridiculous and unbelievable? You don't need me to tell you why it's fucking crazy that we're getting this information about the alleged overarching antagonist of the series not only in the second-to-last chapter of the entire series but after he was already dead, right? We can just move on? Ok good. jesus christ.

FINAL CHAPTER NEXT WEEK…

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Having the statue scene be what caused Adrien to fall in love with Marinette feel like one of many spite moves from Astruc. Like once again, he saw how much people hated that scene but instead of addressing the criticisms he instead just point blank tries to force us to like the scene.

I'd go with arrogance over spite. I don't know much about the man, but the quotes I've seen and my limited knowledge of the industry are why my standard take is that he and the writing staff are genuinely trying to tell a good story. While we think they're failing at it, they don't. They think it's good. You're not going to sway me to their point of view, but I do understand how they could get into that mindset.

It's incredibly rare to get professional writers who want to punish the audience. It's incredibly common to get writers who are so far up their own ass that they think they shit gold and anyone who disagrees is just a hater who can't understand their vision. While that viewpoint isn't ideal, it's not a terrible trait for a creative. You're unlikely to succeed in a creative field if you can't get into some version of that mindset.

Speaking as a writer, if you want to succeed in a creative field, then you do genuinely need to be your own biggest fan and learn to ignore criticism. Not because you're above criticism, but because:

Issue 1: A lot of people struggle with the difference between personal taste and actual flaws, leading to some really shitty "criticism". That doesn't mean that it's bad to talk about a thing in terms of personal taste, it just means that your criticisms maybe be highly subjective opinions and not objective flaws that the creator needs to know about. It's why things like book reviews are for the audience and not the author. I know people who have found great reads based on negative reviews because those reviews talked about the book in question in an objective enough way for those people to realize it had things that they loved. That means that those were excellent reviews, they let people know if they'd like the book or not, which is what a review is meant to do! It also means that the reviews were pretty worthless to the authors because there was nothing that needed changing. It was all a matter of personal taste.

Issue 2: Taking point one a step further: more objective, "good" criticism isn't necessarily valuable to a creator. Sometimes creators are willing to include "flaws" because their creation doesn't fit their vision without those "flaws". Creators can get away with that because different audiences will care about different things and you're never going to be able to appeal to everyone. This is not the greatest example, but I think it gets my point across, so I'll use it here anyway. As someone who prefers reasonably healthy couples, if I were to read a story with an awful romance, then I'd probably hate it and have very clear, logical reasons why. But if the author is totally aware that the couple is awful and needed them to be such for the story they wanted to tell? Then my critique has no value to them. It's why good critique is so hard to get and give. Good critique is not about shaping a story into what you'd call good, it's about shaping the story the writer wants to tell into its best form. It's super hard, but also fun and a good learning experience.

Issue 3: A lot of criticism is highly situational and public feedback will only ever come after a work is done and available to the public. That makes it questionable how much value you'd get from reading feedback at that point. For an ongoing work where only a part is done, you might get something useful, but for a finished one? It's questionable if there's any point in reading negative comments. For example, I've received unsolicited critical feedback on fics that are several years old. I have no idea what the goal of those comments is. Even if I agree with them, I'm not going to rewrite the fic for them. I even asked one of them what their goal was and they couldn't tell me. They just wanted me to know and the button said "comments" not "positive comments."

Issue 4: You're never going to be perfect, so even a great work will have flaws, but it's unhealthy to dwell on them. Listening to a thousand people point out what you got wrong is not going to help anyone improve. That's why good creatives are open to feedback, but they tend to have a select group that they go to for feedback during the creative process. They then ignore most other feedback. In most cases, that is the healthy way to approach the creative process. It's why I don't agree with those who complain about someone blocking critics on twitter. Block and move on isn't just advice for the plebs. Successful creatives are allowed to prioritize their mental health, too.

Of course, there is a double edged sword in action here. Because creatives need to be their own fans and develop that ability to ignore criticism, they are always at risk of forming echo chambers that lead them to create lesser works because everyone in their core team thinks the same way they do. They may not even have a core team! It takes a lot of humility and luck to find people who give you good feedback.

The echo chamber issue is especially true when creatives are successful as it's hard to want to change when you're making money off of whatever crap you put out. Once you reach a certain level of success, there will be a whole lot less push back on your terrible ideas. If it's going to make money either way, then why worry if it's total crap? (This is a major problem in the publishing industry, btw. People with large social media followings can get a book deal with relative ease and publish almost anything they want because the publisher knows it will sell and it's not their name that's going to be looked down on.)

Generally speaking, this is what I think happened with Miraculous. The show is incredibly successful so there's no reason to listen to criticism or expand the creative team. Until the show stops making money, it doesn't matter how bad it is, so there's no reason for the writers to question if they've become blind to their own flaws. And by the time the show goes too far and stops making money? It will probably be too late to fix the problems so the show will just die. That's just how this trend works.

In summary, I would not be shocked if the writers genuinely think they're writing wonderful stories and that the critics just can't see it because we're the spiteful ones, not them. People can develop really weird standards for what is good, especially when they're immersed in the industry. For example, it's not like Disney wanted to ruin the Star Wars brand or have their 100th anniversary film - Wish - be universally panned. Studios want to make money. Writers want to tell stories people like. Spite it's rarely the answer when they fail to do those things.

The one caveat I will give to the above is if you're referring to the kind of spiteful arrogance where someone creates a thing, people criticize said thing, and so the person makes more of said thing in retaliation because that's 100% spite. But it's not the kind of spite where they're making a thing bad on purpose. It's them saying, "no, this was good and I'm gonna make more of it because you're wrong and I'm right." People do that shit all the time and, once again, it's not an inherently bad thing. Like all emotions, spite is a neutral force and a powerful motivator. It can lead to great things and terrible things. I can think of spite projects that were wildly successful and spite projects that totally flopped. (Relevant Tumblr post)

If that's the argument you're making when you say "spite", then I could totally see the statue scene choice happening because the writers heard people dunking on it and they went, "No, you're wrong, that scene was awesome! In fact, to show you how awesome, we're going to have that be when Adrien's crush started!" Spite? Yes. Ruining the show on purpose to get back at haters? No.

[beastabyss666]

The Season 2 Episode 8 of Helluva Boss recently was published quite spontaneously, so I'm writing the review while being very sleepy. First of all... It was weird to start the episode with some cheap musical. Blitzo's solo was especially... fair to middling. I'm sorry, but I think Brandon Rogers can't sing, his voice isn't actually made for singing(that's just my opinion tho). And also hey, they remembered the cherubs! Wow. Though they made them some utter idiots, much like the other characters, I mean.. So the plot is about Blitzo going shopping for a sex toy which(in his opinion) will really rejoice Stolas. Meanwhile, the cherubs are seen living on Earth and robbing humans to "redeem themselves and return to heaven"(I won't ask how it's supposed to work). They get caught by the D.H.O.R.K.S. folk(wow, you also remembered them too, nice work Vivzie), where the agents tell the cherubs that they built a portal to Hell and made high-tech robotic suits imitating the main IMP gang. The cherubs wear them and enter the portal, ending up in the Lust Ring, where Blitzo goes shopping. The main gang attacks them(though it wasn't shown that they even were there), and OF COURSE defeats the cherubs, throwing them through the portal. The episode ends with Blitzo finally visiting Stolas and talking to him. But I'll mention it later. So... I found this episode quite weird, nothing much to say about the visuals, though some frames look like they're from another show. How some characters(especially humans) are drawn looks like they're also from another show. But I guess they don't really organise anything normally, so it just is. I also find the tone of the episode too chaotic, but the whole show switches rapidly from "Edgy black comedy" to "Unserious absurd trash comedy" to "Drama/whining/'we care about characters and their development'" stuff. Another weird thing I found about visuals is that the creators put many overly cartoonish expressions to characters, to the point that it look just ridiculous, not even saying it's out of the general style.

Some of these expressions look kinda crooked, and the other are cartoonly, but not in a way that fits the whole show. It's not a slapstick comedy, and I don't understand why the writers pretend it is. Most of the time(and it's seen in this episode) it's just lazy and poor attempts at satire on our stupid and hypocritical society, but it just doesn't work mainly because the protagonists don't seem to have more brain cells than usual humans in this universe. Earth here, although, really seem to be a thing to relieve Vivzie's malice at... everything, I guess. There is no exact satire/mocking of someone or something, so I guess Vivzie just hates every living thing in general(especially kids, for some reason). That's why the humour in this episode also seems odd in a bad way. I don't like that HB sometimes pretends to be South Park, or Family Guy, or... a typical CN show, perhaps? It just doesn't look right, it's like the writers try to copy other better works instead of making their own vibes/special tone.

Also they could use some more imagination

And about the ending... Stolas doesn't seem satisfied by Blitzo's behaviour(who acts overly sexual towards him which seems OOC), and starts... basically complaining about him being too sexual and not sensual. Guys... do you remember how it all started? Does Vivzie remember it? Literally in the 1 episode of 1 season it's shown that Stolas only uses Blitzo for his sexual pleasure, not caring about his comfort etc. He even calls him while he's on a dangerous mission. And there are lots of other moments where Stolas practically h*rasses Blitzo and makes him uncomfortable with his comments. And even since pilot doesn't seem to be canon(so Stolas didn't threaten Blitzo with r*pe), there are enough red flags about this mf. Yet in this episode he literally complains about receiving not so much love and care? That's... idk, that's shitty to say the least, and I don't know how the writers even managed. A literal abuser complaining about their partner being "not affectionate enough", that's fuckin' hilarious(sarcasm), and I say it as someone who had few abusers in my life. I still remember the previous episodes so I kinda don't buy it, but many people do, and that's sad. After that Blitzo [rightfully] angers at Stolas for complaining about lack of love while disrespecting him for being a lower class and using him as some object. Stolas only answers with "I think so very highly of you, I didn't realise you think so low of me", and kicks Blitzo out of his palace.

So... that's the episode. I have nothing much to say about it more, but I'm genuinely wondering does Vivzie even understand what she's doing and where she'll push the whole Stolas x Blitzo pairing(not that I fucking care, lol). These two are obviously in an abusive relationship, and the more they try to understand what even happened between them, the more confused they become. I personally think there's nothing to talk about with a guy like Stolas(though Blitzo too is a huge red flag), but idk, maybe Vivzie thinks that r*pists and abusers are changeable and are good deep down. Anyways, it was surely an odd episode, and I didn't really like it.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi! I'd like to hear more of your thoughts on Rebecca and Eric from "Luster" by Raven Leilani. I just reread it recently and yeah, it is incredible (saying this as an almost 23-year-old Black woman that sort of identifies with Edie).

I really enjoy both Rebecca and Eric as characters - and within their separate relationships to Edie. However, it's really hard for me to understand which scenes/instances - besides the obvious humiliation they both participate in in regards to Edie - that show explicitly Rebecca's issues with rage and Eric's more absolute loserish tendencies.

I mean, I'm not completely unaware of the unsavory ways in which they act; not going to list them all out. But some of the reviews - including yours - and even interviews with Raven Leilani that talk more about the characters, don't go as in-depth as I'm looking for. I feel like the ogre reading Joyce :(

[The lines from the book I've been thinking of most often - though not my favorites are Eric saying "I don't think of you as a person at all" and (I'm gonna get the wording kind of wrong, but) "I cry everywhere and often" near the beginning of the book]

I hope this is asking too much. I really enjoyed your review and I'm already kind of looking forward to reading it again because of it <3

hi anon,

well Rebecca, to me, is impossible to read as anything BUT a white woman hitting middle age and realizing that she made all the "right" choices - she has a job that pays well and she married a stable man and together they adopted a child and got a good house in a good (read: white) neighborhood - and still isn't actually happy with her life.

I mean, what does Rebecca actually have going on? she's exercising furious control over her body via furious physical activity because it's one of the only things she can feel in charge of. she pushes the same on her daughter, making a child count calories in a way that's absolutely going to give her a complex. she didn't want the child in the first place; she tells Edie verbatim that she never wanted to be a mother and while I do think she cares about Akila's well-being I think she also knows that she's wildly ill-equipped trying to parent a traumatized Black girl. she's in an "open" marriage that reeks of "we either had to open the marriage or get divorced" that she micromanages from afar so that Eric gets as little freedom as possible with Edie in the early stage of their relationship; Rebecca doesn't actually want Eric to fuck someone else, she wants him to get tired of trying and come back to her.

after the initial humiliation of trapping Edie at their anniversary party Rebecca remains emotionally distant towards her; even after she invites Edie to stay in her house she stays mercurial and her mood is subject to switch on a dime, always falling back into little power plays to remind Edie she's in charge, because Edie is a safer and easier target for Rebecca's pent up frustrations than her husband or daughter. she's exactly warm enough to Edie to make it hurt more when she's callous and mean, which I don't think is strictly intentional (I don't think Rebecca consciously knows what the hell she's trying to get out of their dynamic, either) but is still an extremely shitty way to treat a vulnerable young woman who's currently completely dependent on her for shelter.

arguably the most relaxed we ever see her is when she takes Edie to a mosh pit, because that's one of the only moments of unrestrained emotional authenticity that Rebecca gets to have - and it's wildly outside the norm of her day to day life, something that she's supposed to have left behind when she started dating Eric. Rebecca is so furiously dissatisfied with everything about her life and I frankly think she'd be happier if she disappeared in the night to go be a bartender or a roadie and never saw her husband or daughter again, but she'll never do that because you Can't do that, not if you're a respectable woman trying to cling to the signifiers of success that you worked so hard for.

re: Eric being a loser I really don't know what I need to cite other than him having a wife and a girlfriend and not treating either of them well tbh

[centrally-unplanned]

To share another thought on the Folding Ideas video I Don't Know James Rolfe from my last post, while I enjoyed it a ton I do think its core "meta" element fails to reach the heights it could. It is never made that explicit so I am making a subjective read here, but essentially while most of the content of the video is textually about James Rolfe, there are dozens of moments where Dan performs actions that mimic or parallel James, culminating in his own parodic angry video game review as the finale. The idea is something of a "there but for the grace of god I go" point, that perhaps all youtubers, and Dan specifically, are too close for comfort to Rolfe's reality of limited creative options and a hostile fanbase clinging to the past .

But I can't really say for sure! Because he is very adverse to making this concrete enough for the audience.

At times the visual parallels are incredibly direct. There is one moment, where Dan is explaining the real skill and craft of being an internet clown on demand, where he mimics Rolfe's style of rant to explain it while projected AVGN videos that were looping in the background flash over his own body:

And it really works, the meaning shines through; it is a moment you can see back through time where the idea for this shot was, spiritually, the impetus for the film, that this idea must have come to him and he built the essay around making it happen.

Other visual parallels are less explicit; when the parody sequence starts, Dan - who has built a 1/12th scale recreation of the Rolfe's "video game basement" aka studio set in order to "understand" him like normal people do - represents himself in that room via a tiny hand puppet

Which is cute if, like probably most people, know him as the guy who makes videos about NFTs or Qanon. But close to a decade ago, when he was first making ~20 minute media analysis takes, he represented himself on screen with a wooden puppet like this:

It is even like the same color, I am confident this is intentional, it is saying "yeah this could have been an alt version of me; I was not so far from this".

All these symbols function to make the emotional impact; but an emotional impact in service of...what? So in the essay he discusses the film Wavelength, a 1967 avant garde film that is almost entirely composed of filming the side of a room with minimal camera movement while actions occur around it. It is a movie that never gives you a meaning, and therefore you must project meaning into it, bring yourself to the table. That makes sense for Wavelength, and the aggressive cinematography of I Don't Know James Rolfe - which is stellar to be clear - is making the film out to be sort of its own personal Wavelength for YouTube.

But then we go back to that text, which is over an hour of Dan directly talking to the camera about a real person. It is incredibly concrete and detailed, with explicit points being made over and over. And through what those explicit points reveal... I don't think Dan Olsen is like James Rolfe! Does he have an hostile fanbase trapped in nostalgia? Do people acuse him of being cucked by his bitch wife? He has evolved as a filmmaker, intensely so, he does things completely differently than Rolfe does and completely differently from how he himself used to. He doesn't have a shitty biography that self-outs his own creative narcissism, he isn't obsessed with remaking his own childhood films - I am pretty sure as a kid he had never heard of NFTs, they didn't really exist! The final line of the film is "maybe you aren't a filmmaker either" - but idk, Dan, I kinda think you are! If documentarians can be filmmakers you have to qualify.

Now I'm not a fool, I understand that the film could be suggesting these are differences of degrees and not kind; that Dan is equally "trapped in the room" making vlogs for the net, just with more outward trappings of success. But, in the ruthless specificity and detail of his treatment of Rolfe...this film cannot be Wavelength. I am not capable of forging my own meaning from the pieces, he connected way too many of them. This is the trap of avant-garde; you are tempted to help the audience, but once you try to answer some of the questions, it forces the hand of the rest, they all have to fit into that schema. And the film is just too coy with Dan's own parallel life for me to figure the schema out. I make my guesses and I lack confidence in them, they feel "contradicted" by the text.

More detail would have been the easier path; less detail and more symbolic expression would have been the harder path. But right now the balance is just a bit too out of whack for it to come fully together.

[transmutationisms]

i am the world's biggest wikipedia defender (especially against people who say that it's unreliable) because, while i know it's not infallible (is anything, though?), it is peer-reviewed. once, my friend edited the othello page to include a joke we had made and she got her account banned. how do you reckon with wikipedia as a source of knowledge? my understanding of it is that it can serve as a good base for things, but learning never stops and one should read as many sources as possible to gain a fuller understanding of whatever they want to know about. this is a very long-winded way of asking your opinions on wikipedia. my apologies, and i hope today is alright for you :~)

wikipedia obviously gets a lot of flak for the fact that anyone can edit it, which means that people certainly can and do check each other's work, but also that anybody with an axe to grind or just a poor understanding of a subject can potentially really distort the presentation of that topic. there have been some high-profile cases of bad and even dangerous editorialising, like the woman who basically single-handedly is trying to correct a whole bunch of pages for former nazis that really whitewashed their legacies and cited various antisemitic and white supremacist sources to do so. i think it would be foolish to claim that crowdsourced knowledge is inherently accurate, fair, nuanced, &c. wikipedia replicates the biases people put into it, and just having more people edit it doesn't instantly 'average them out' because yknow, we're often talking about widely held positions or prejudices that have also caused distortions in many of the cited sources. also, wikipedia has many more gaps than most people realise, partly because an encyclopedia is necessarily a massive undertaking and also because, by design, it excludes eg oral traditions, non-literate people, &c.

however i do find a lot of wikipedia criticism annoying because it will usually involve trying to counterpose wikipedia to approved academic channels of knowledge production, specifically in a way that sets academic institutions and publishing as an intellectual gold standard that crowd knowledge simply can't compete with. academia is not some kind of magical solution to problems of distortion and bias; academics have their own ways of perpetuating and rationalising prejudices, and reinforcing rather than challenging each other's epistemological authority and laziest, most harmful assumptions. not to mention that many shitty wikipedia articles do actually cite approved academic sources published by university presses! because these characteristics do not actually guarantee that a source is good, only that it passed quality control at a reactionary institution lol.

ultimately i approach wikipedia basically the same way i approach any academic text, which is to say i have to read both with attention to how the arguments are being developed, what evidence they rely on, what ideological assumptions are being made or defended, and so forth. i can't really think of a source or genre of source that i would endorse just reading and uncritically believing; in that sense i certainly agree with people who point out the major potential for inaccuracy in wikipedia articles, only i think this line of criticism is totally useless and blatantly elitist if it simply exempts 'respectable' academic sources or presumes institutional channels of knowledge to be epistemologically infallible.

anyway i use wikipedia to check dates of major events and it's sometimes useful or intriguing simply to see what about a topic interested people enough to write an entry about it. but i don't automatically trust any arguments or analyses in wikipedia articles, any more than i would the thesis of any nonfiction book i pick up.

[conanssummerchild]

Season 2: Episode 5 "Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy"

next

hi !! if ur reading this welcome to my Gilmore Girls episode reviews, for a little context i'm gonna be doing these only on the episodes jess is in (but i won't only talk about him, i will talk about all the characters) bcs i don't care enough to watch the whole show but have become hyperfixated on jess and wanna share my opinions. ps: i do know other things about the show and have seen some other episodes bcs my sister has seen the whole show twice. and as i said in my other post abt this: im a lesbian so i promise to offer my fully unbiased opinon unaffected by how cute jess is (adorable). but my father doesnt love me so my opinion will be biased by that. hope u enjoy !!

It's always so weird to me that Lorelai brings up some genuine concerns in this episode---like she's the first one who asks "Hey, how does Jess feel about this?" tells Luke he should actually talk to Jess abt it, reminds Luke "A seventeen year old who's been getting into trouble and now is being shipped off without his consent." may not be mr sunshine---but then as soon as he says ONE minimally rude thing to her suddenly it doesn't matter what he's feeling, she doesn't care, he's an irredemable monster. This is way before he even starts anything with Rory so that's not even her excuse. Btw- I'm not saying trauma means that you just get to treat everyone like shit but Lorelai needs to cut Jess some slack.

When I first watched this episode I thought that Lorelai was worried about Jess's wellbeing but now on the 3rd rewatch it seems like she may have been more concerned about Jess being too much of a handful (which is valid, she's looking out for Luke, just an observation, idk).

Here I'm sure Lorelai had the best of intentions but I'm not sure inviting Jess over so soon was a good idea. I mean, he just got here, he doesn't seem very happy about it, I know that I would've found it a bit overwhelming especially because Sookie, Jackson and Loreali are... a lot. I think she probably should've given him a least a couple weeks to kind of get to know Luke a bit better and get a bit more comfortable. Not that it would've changed that much I don't think but it might've made things a little less uncomfortable idk.

"Wanna play some poker? 5 bucks a hand?" "No." "10?" "No." "I can't go any higher than ten." "Jess..." "Okay, 15. 😏" Will always be funny to me, I know Jess was being a jackass this whole scene but he's so funny and Luke is so awkward. Also Milo Ventimiglia's delivery is just so on point, I don't think I can imagine anyone else at all playing Jess, he nailed it. I do feel bad for Luke because my guy is trying SO hard and Jess is giving him nothing but I get why Jess is so pissed. Also I doubt he thought this would last very long, so why bother?

I actually really liked Rory and Jess's meeting scene, she was really nice and the only person who actually treated him normally, which I think was probably a big part in Jess liking her, as well as his need to be a little shit and wind up Dean. Oh and also their shared interest in books obviously.

UGH the porch scene. Okay: 1. "Oh, Jess, let me give you a little advice. The whole 'my parents don't get me' thing-- Ah, I've been there." Not Lorelai equating her rich parents not approving of her lifestyle to Jess growing up with an addict mother and no father with his mum cycling through shitty boyfriends constantly and having no stability in his childhood including financially, likely having to raise himself because we know Liz wasn't doing shit and then when he started acting out due to all of that getting shipped off to stay with an uncle he barely knew. I don't doubt growing up with Emily and Richard was a nightmare and people who are suposed to care for you not supporting you is horrible and I do recognise that Lorelai has worked so hard and is very strong but she is not being relatable™ like she thinks she is. She's just being obnoxious and condescending. And, hey, maybe get to know him first before trying to psychoanalyse him, jesus christ.

2. ISTG Lorelai is fucking stupid because Jess is clearly angry, what did she think he was gonna say? "Oh, Lorelai, you're not like a lame mom, you're a cool mom! you're so relatable and wise!" Like ffs get a grip. Anyway, insane how all it took for Lorelai to decide Jess was evil was him saying "What, are you sleeping with him (Luke) or something?" Yes, he was being very rude but What Did She Think Was Gonna Happen ?!?!!?!!! and is that it? he gets one chance? Be careful guys if Lorelai catches you on a bad day she'll hold a grudge against you forever. And Jess was right, she DOESN'T know anything about him or his life or his mom (i'd say she does knows more than Jess about Luke, though) which is why it comes off as so patronising that she pretends she knows exactly what he's going through and proceeds to tell him to just, what, move on?

And while I do think Jess was a lot more screwed up than Luke thought he was, Lorelai is insane to come to that conclusion from ONE talk like girl he's just acting like an angry teen you haven't even gotten to half of his issues yet. Lorelai needs to learn how not to jump to conclusions based off of minimal evidence. I hate how she talks to Luke in this episode too, like he's an idiot and she's just the smartest person in the world and knows everything. She butts into issues that are none of her damn business and she is not as qualified as she thinks to intervene in and then gets mad that she sucked ass at it and Luke is upset with her. Go mess up your own kid, god knows she could've done some better parenting with Rory before getting involved with a new kid who needs therapy not Lorelai Gilmore. Luke was an icon in this scene though, you go king.

I think Luke was right to be mad because Lorelai had no right to get involved, Luke is trying his best and he did not ask for Lorelai's help, but if she's so insistent that she knows everything she can try to give Luke advice and support him NOT go and talk to Jess like she knows him because she thinks she can fix years of trauma with one conversation because she's just that cool.

"I'm trying to help you!" "Well, stop trying!" I think this is an important line for Jess's character, sums him up pretty well, and this whole scene is important for Luke and Jess's relationship moving forwards. I like that we get to see a lot of Jess's frustration laid out here.

Luke pushing him in the lake is pretty funny, he just goes flying lmao, while it probably wasn't the MOST appropriate course of action I think it actually might've helped in Luke and Jess's relationship. While sometimes I wish Luke would be a little gentler with Jess, in this moment I think what he needed was Luke getting serious and laying down the rules and maybe even being pushed in the lake, idk. But I think it is important that Luke shows that he cares about Jess and that's why he's being stern, which I think he usually does an ok job of. "I am not letting you just fall of the face of the earth. You will not drift, I won't let it happen." I thought was really sweet.

"Where are you going?" "Out." "Well, at least I asked." Lmao, you go Luke. You're getting there.

Jess's lame little magic trick gets me every time. He thinks he's so cool, everyone thinks he's such a bad boy. Wrong, NERD.

Other thoughts:

Funny how Lorelai was the one that suggested Jess meet Rory and then spent the rest of the show wanting them apart lol.

Rory looks so tiny in the early seasons 😭 she's just a baby. Then she grew up and her superiority complex grew with her, these are the good old days when she was only a little bit annoying. She was an icon in this episode let's be real though.

I know Paris is more of an asshole than Rory but I just can't help but be obsessed with her.

Madeline's look is so iconic and always will be.

Am I the only one that thinks that Jess carrying books in his back pocket is criminal... what happens when he sits does he just sit on it

I didn't comment on the whole Rory and Lorelai/Max situation because all I know is Max proposed, Lorelai said no and idk any context so I don't feel equipped to say anything.

Luke was so right about kids always having jam hands what is up with that i would cry if i had a kid in my house always stickying things up ugh, no hate to kids though, we've all been there.

And to finish off, since Lorelai seems incapable of remembering what a horrible mother Liz is when they actually meet and continues hating Jess but gets along great with Liz I thought I would help her out by collecting all the things that have been said about Liz's parenting style. In blue if Lorelai heard them herself:

"So she's just sending him here, just like that?" "Oh, no, I'm sure she put at least five or six minutes of thought into it."

"Apparently, he's been getting into some trouble, and Liz is afraid he's heading for something bad, and rather than handle it herself, she's given up."

"Look, his problem is obvious-- It's his mother. We never could count on Liz for anything."

"He doesn't have a choice. His mom's a flake, he's coming here-- end of story."

all blue today, well, isn't that fun.

this one was pretty centred on Jess becasue it was a sort of central episode for him, but going forwards not all of them will be so Jess-heavy I swear.

[weaselbeaselpants]

Making my own post and not linking OP because, genuinely I don't want them to get harassment for this

It's to the person who made this post

Full disclosure, for the UMPEENTH time: I don't give a rats ass about what Lily thinks about fictional characters. I used to. Then I met/knew/still know genuinely nice and critical people who hold the opinions Lily has but aren't Lily. I have friends who hate Steven Universe for justifiable reasons, same with SPOP. I personally dislike a lot of Friendship is Magic decisions and so do my mutuals like me. That's not the problem. Perhaps the reason people know OF Lily Orchard is through her -bad- media analysis, but it's not why people come away hating her, and it's DEFINITELY not the reason people are listening to the testimony of her victims and being rightfully horrified.

People talked of and about Lily Orchard for the same reason sane people clown on Mr. Enter; she's toxic and abusive. She's a bully and her 'idgaf' attitude is bad for fandoming and for critical culture. There's 'problematic' like critikal or breadtubers and then there is "lol fuck the haters who all want to r@pe me anyway, they're all n*zis anyway including the bipoc folks who I'm sure aren't real bipoc anyway. Now I'm going to police how other people take back slurs and how 'queer' is inherently offensive. I'm the REAL VOICE OF JUSTICE."

I called Lily the worst of "anti" fandom rhetoric because I mean it. She is a 'social-justice warrior' in the meanest ugliest sense of that word -ugly enough that basically everyone who's been called that by actual chuds will describe her as one. She talks over other people doing social justice, polices how other people use it, and only really cares about how it affects her. Frequently when people leave her fandom it's because Lily and her crew very cruelly shooed them away for not fitting Lily's exact interests and opinions 100%. Frankly I kind of hate that her attitude is labeled as 'radical' or 'anarchonistic' because she's 'unapologetic'. No. Real anarchists are people like decolonizetheleft or heritageposts --those two are both very blunt and quick to bite back if you throw them bullshit, but they also are not vitriolic and know that people are complex even when they post stuff other people wouldn't. Lily's not even a good call-out machine. She's nothing on HBomberGuy or D'Angelo Wallace or Shanespear. I'm still mad at her, not for SU, but how she responded to other critics of SU who told her not to joke about Rebecca Sugar being a fascist. She told them, some of them Jewish people, that they're just butthurt at her ripping and not her trying to talk over other people. I'm still mad at her for siding with a n*zi until she realized that looked bad for her and her cruelty towards other lgbtq people over how they use the word "queer".

She's been doing this for YEARS. She dropped in on old brony discourse this exact same way and it fucking sucked because, you know, people in fandom or the show itself DID do shitty things. We needed genuine help weeding out the bad actors around us; it sucked that one of said bad actors was trying to speak for us. Now imagine this but amplified to a woman with some native heritage trying to talk down how other people see and talk about THEIR cultures. It's always been a massive headache.

Britt has also been around for years though and so has all the evidence and trails left of Stockholm before Lily decided to redact it completely. Lily absolutely wrote that. She absolutely wrote cp. I was there for back when she still proudly referenced it.

"Why don't you move on and stop obsessing?"

Believe me I'd LIKE to. It's that extra element of worrying behavior that goes beyond annoyance with a youtuber like Lindsay Ellis or Quinton Reviews that has kept me always watching from the sidelines. If I be an "anti" (frankly, every proshipper I've ever met who's seen the receipts from Stockholm has the same take as me, so idk) for having 0 tolerance fictional material of children than it would be hypocritical not to hold 'one of my own' up to those standards especially when she DOESN'T own up to writing it when I know for a fact she did.

Fuck lousy chudheads and Vaushsluts and general KFcreeps who think any of this is funny and 'just lolcow behavior' and misgender Lily while they do it. Fuck transphobes.

Transphobes, chuds and ''stalkers'' are not the people ILoveKimPossibleALot brought into her video. Op, I genuinely hope you get away from Lily's influence. You deserve better. For now though I'm putting you and anyone else who unironically stans Lily on block. I am done hearing anymore excuses for this woman's character. I can't hear that anymore than I can't hear actual bigots use Lily to besmerch others -other trans folks, other liberals, other disabled people like me. I'm done.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Dragon Age Veilguard Review 5.2 in series

34.5 hours in. 32.5 hours playtime.

Obligatory disclaimer you can just drop to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

5.1 section here.

This is a long one.

So. I managed to play for a good portion of the day. I'm exceedingly grateful it held me.

Around about 27 hours? I felt immersed in the story, and this part of THEDAS. It shouldn't take 27 hours of playtime to suck me into a game. That in the writing world is what we call shitty pacing, poor editing,. and just... take it right back to the drawing board.

It could just be me. I'm notoriously hard to suck into stories because I was foolish enough to become an editor. But I've never had that problem with a DA game before.

I managed to finish the team. I like Davrin, Taash, and Emmrick. My favs so far in order are (yes, I'm cringing 🤣) Lucanis, Taash, Emmrick, and Davrin. With a close follow-up by Bellara.

I wonder if it's Lucanis's VA doing it? I am a bit of an accent slut and I have a definite voice kink. TBF they did change him a whole fucking lot from the Wigmaker version. Even if he does look like Dracula.

Getting misgendered in game sucks as much as it does in real life. So content warning on a person misgendering their kid and the person they're with (Rook).

But generally, the trans rep is handled in such a loving, beautiful manner, and I have to give AAA+ on that front. I feel seen in it. Seeing and helping Taash on their journey is healing, and just wonderful to see in a triple A game.

But lets talk about accents yes? WTAF? In every other DA game they stuck with regional accents for the different regions. Anyone from Antiva had anywhere from a light to a heavy Spanish accent. Anyone from Orlais was French. Tevinter in the personage of Dorian and even Neve had/have British accents. It wasn't ever really 100% but they at least tried. And I loved that.

This game doesn't feel like they tried at all.

In like... a lot of ways. How do you go from something so intricately and delicately intertwined as DAI to... this?

It's all just mid. Meh. I'm sorta into the story enough now that it doesn't feel like I'm slogging through blight to play it anymore. But if I couldn't finish the game? I don't think it would bother me for long. And that's something that would usually drive me bonkers.

I miss the collections. Everything from the mounts to the silly bottles of wine to collecting gifts for the right character. I miss that... I dunno... feeling of actual importance the Inquisition had?

Like. All the pieces line up in DAV. People dying. More people gonna die if someone doesn't step up. Intrigue. Betrayal. Nasty demons and darkspawn running around. But it's missing something. I'll figure out what it is eventually, but it's almost 3am so it probably won't be right now.

It's also a completely, horrendously, unbalanced game. On a normal level, (Adventurer in DAV), a regular gamer should be able to get through it without a whole lot of difficulty. A challenge, yes. I actually do like to be challenged a little in games. Maybe a death or two here and there but not in every damned fight. I wish they'd make the option to turn death off available for every level. I get stomped often enough that it's so annoying to sit through the reload. And reloading is where I've had the most problems.

At Keeper level (easy) it’s far too easy for me. At the next level up, (Adventurer) it's really pushing my skills in a very not fun way. There's like, no even scaling.

I miss the crafting! I miss going harvesting for stuff that I could build funny armour with. I had the Iron Bull in Dawnstone (pink) armour because I thought it was fun and his character probably wouldn't have cared. I always head canoned him saying in that don't fuck with me tone, "I like pink."

I miss being able to make special armour for my crew. It just... uuuugh. It's missing so much of the delicately intertwined details that made DAI such a good game. The bottles of wine and Warden notes in DAI gave you hints to Warden lives.

But at least I finally have armour that leaves elves feet bare. I really really wanted that.

Here's why.

I also have to admit that I do like how the wardrobe makes changing the way your gear looks does make it more streamlined, but I really really miss the crafting. I am trying to provide a fair review, after all.

I miss being able to make potions and bombs. And unless I've missed something, you just can't? You can't grow anything either. Growing stuff in Skyhold gardens was one of my favourite things about DAI. I was really looking forward to finding out which plants grew in the north of THEDAS and what stuff we could make with them. It never once occurred to me that they'd get rid of so much of the fun of DAI. It's like they've taken all the really intricate and interesting details that made DAI such an awesome game and... given us this. Milquetoast Veilguard. The mounts were gifts from different areas and peoples, so it tied that into the world.

The plants you grew had to be collected from various areas and used to make bombs and potions. I really miss that. Yes, you collect stuff to give to the Caretaker to upgrade or enchant your stuff, but 1. Why the fuck do I have to break so many barrels to get stuff? Who thought that was a good idea? Sure, a little, but there's barrels fucking everywhere. I'm a completionist player so tend to try to do everything. And 2. Collecting the different armour patterns, and the materials to make stuff like bombs, potions and explosives with was a large part of what I loved about DAI and DAO.

The Lighthouse has grown on me. But isn't it part of the Lore that living beings can't enter the fade? So uhhhhh... do we have a massive plothole there or did I miss something?

Manfred is fucking awesome 😂.

What in the world did they spend all that time doing if it wasn't going to be an intricate, detailed game?

They seem to have spent all that time on fucking with the looks of the characters and the graphics (to the game's detriment), messing around creating new demons because sure... we needed fortnite knockoff demons. Oh, and we mustn't forget the not-fucking-darkspawn. They've already contradicted themselves about them in game. They say at the beginning (I think it's Bellara?) That maybe these are old darkspawn rather than new. Then later in game they say Gilly has been making new darkspawn. Sure, Bellara could've just been wrong, but that wasn’t the feeling I got.

I do like the skill tree. That is much more streamlined.

I like the map. It doesn't feel like Dragon Age but it's a decently functional map. Reminds me more of DA2 than I'd like because that wasn't a good map.

I mostly like it at the Lighthouse. I like being able to see if companions have something to talk about so I don't spend time running around to each of them trying to see if they've got something new. That was an actual weakness in DAI I'm happy to see fixed.

The different ways you could decorate Skyhold were related to which areas and cultures visited a lot of the time. All those details they chose to not use for DAV were what made DAI such an epic game. To be fair, it might be similar for the Lighthouse. I haven't explored decoration options. I'll try to look at it soon.

And yes. Again. The best part of this game is the backgrounds, scenery, and environments. It's honestly the only thing holding this mess together. Rivain is fucking gorgeous. I love Treviso. Arlathan is amazing. Bit meh on Minrathous but despite living in one, I'm not really a big city sort of person. The puzzles aren't very challenging. And I miss the ocularium. That tied ancient elven and even Tevinter history into the world.

It very much feels like they've just decided to not care about the Lore and swept most of it under the carpet. A large reason I play DA games is the mental puzzles all that Lore gives me.

Also, foreshadowing should be subtle. Not the experience of being whacked over the head with a hammer.

And FWIW? Given standard medieval-esque health care? That wound Varric took would've absolutely been fatal. If not right away, then eventually. I'm really hoping they aren't going toward 'noble sacrifice' with him.

I'm not bothered by the different accents amongst the veil jumpers, or even the different races. Yes, it's letting shem hands touch ancient elven secrets, but it's also accurate to a lot of indigenous cultures. As long as you followed their ways, they welcomed new people (until things got really bad due to colonization and cruelty). The commonalities between First nations cultures and the Dalish are hard to miss, so that part works for me. (My ancestors were indigenous.)

I mean. Yeah. I'm Neurodivergent in a bunch of different ways. Change isn't always easy for me. But every single game I play has changes. I play a lot of games. I don't remember ever feeling so utterly betrayed by them as I do about DAV. If I had any expectations for this game, they were pretty low. And yet... even though the bar was on the ground, they've managed to disappoint me.

I'm still gonna keep playing. I don't hate it. But like... I'm not even sure if I can say I like it. Bits and pieces, yes, but as a whole? Nah. I love the Ziplines, those are fun. I like the ease of walking over logs and stuff now. That was a nightmare in DAI.

And I need the distraction right now, as long as I don't lose complete interest, I'll keep at it.

Oh. And the Owlbear in BG3 is absolutely cuter than Assan. Don't get me wrong. Assan IS cute. But... between the two? Owlbear wins.

Oh... and in all that time I played today? I didn't see Solas. Sooooo yeah. They completely sidelined his character. Makes me wonder if they made the decision to change the name from Dreadwolf to Veilguard and just nixed a lot of his content because of piss baby whiners who didn't like Solas. Which, if they did that? Is really shitty. Also, if he got sucked into the prison he'd had the gods in... where exactly are the other Evanuris! Stuck in there with their jailor?

And if the Caretaker is who I think it is? I'm gonna be pissed. (Felassan.) That is such a cop-out way of bringing him back. The Lore supported a bunch of different ways for him to return and if they went with that? UGH. I do like the boat between islands in the crossroads, that's fun.

I'm pretty sure I know who the Gloom Howler is. The bandages and the line 'they were never yours' gives it away if you've read the books. I figure she ran into the Architect. Did y'all notice how much her head looked like his?

I could be completely wrong. But enh. It doesn't really matter. I honestly can't see myself replaying this. If I even manage to finish it.

Section 6.1 here.

[doonarose]

Sighhhhhh, academic whinging to follow....

That PhD student is definitely spiraling. And just like the last time, a year ago, she can't put her finger on why which makes it really hard for me to do anything about it. And the reality is, she's spiraling because she lets herself. So she's felt a bit shit about her PhD because reasons (a lot of this is anxiety and insecurity that she's good enough, panic that she's not doing enough, etc. and I can say, hand on heart, that I'm not feeding into this at all) which is totally normal for a PhD and then instead of processing them and/or handling them with some sort of coping, she locks herself in a room with them and just lets it build.

So she wrote some pretty shitty things in her two year report about a decline in morale and the negativity of the lab... I mean, that's probably fair, I hate it here, I hate my job, I have no idea what my long term plans are because money and also I'm not sure I'll ever build up research again, like I don't know if it's possible... but those things aren't said out loud to her and compared to the average graduate student experience... she doesn't really understand how good she has it? Which pisses me off. She has carte blanche on lab access, reagent purchasing, conference attendance. She has limitless access to me and a postdoc. The office has comfy sofas and a kitchen. Like, there are challenges here but it's not actually that bad for her.

And when we sat down on Monday to discuss why she had written what she'd written in her report - because she can't actually submit the report like that it will red flag all over the place - the stuff she could actually pinpoint was minor, dumb stuff. Like she wants our meetings to be more structured and stick to time... fine, happy for her to prepare an agenda and I won't get them go overtime. Easy. She says there's lots of pressure on everyone to publish (there's a shitload on me to publish) except I've asked her to write her first paper because the data set is finally done and also wouldn't mind her finishing off a review... this year... that's the pressure. That's totally reasonable. She worries about what I say about her behind her back... well here I am. Like that's a legit thing we all worry about all the time and then get over. No way she isn't bitching and moaning about me in a blog somewhere and to anyone else who will listen. She doesn't like how much her project has changed over the two years... this is bonkers because it is the least changed PhD I've ever seen... she's literally done the exact same experiment over and over for two years and the time blowout (because she didn't take a lot of my advice) just means she's dropped a couple of chapters (which I've now wasted several thousand dollars on) but other than that... The whole thing is so fucking infuriating.

Like I literally can't think of anything else she came up with that was a legit, solid concern and not just 'hand waving'.

So we have our scheduled weekly meeting 10am this morning and on Monday we agree she's going to write a list of the things I can change to make things better for her and I'm going to come up with highly structured plans (but not with deadlines because that'll be too stressful) for her third year experimental work and writing her paper. She emails at 8am to say she won't be coming in because she's feeling unwell. Totally fine if this is unrelated and she's just sick. But I'm betting she's not feeling mentally well enough - which is also fine, sometimes you need mental space and that's okay - except she knows I'm off campus Thursday and Friday... and Monday is a public holiday... so all of a sudden she's just going to avoid talking about this with me for over a week... so she can lock herself in her head and get so much worse. I've told her that if staying home is related to the PhD and not just physical sickness she really needs to talk to someone. Either in counselling or one of the many other academics I've told her to talk to in the past. She has co-supervisors and panel chairs.

So we will see. The irony here, I guess, is that in doing this she's left me to stew in my own shitty feelings for a week as well. We will see if I spiral or cope.

ho hum.

[darkvioletcloud]

I'm writing this to send you words of encouragement, I am deeply sorry that you've been receiving very harsh remarks and harrasment from your Made in Abyss and Hazbin videos.

For the one, People should let others enjoy the things they take interests in and not bully them for liking it.

For the latter, It's embarrassing to see how toxic the fandom has been in recent days. Makes me embarrassed that I (somewhat) liked this thing in the first place, and Viv isn't really doing herself any better. It sucks a lot since she's been an influence to me, my sense of art, and love for animation. granted shes not the only influence around 2012, and I've since found other inspirations as I grew

Just know that there are people out there who understand where you come from, and accept and respect your boundaries and interest.

I pray for you better and brighter days in the future, and to your future as an artist :)

I kinda went off on a rant, so I put my response under the cut:

The negative Hazbin comments don't bother me, but I wanted to publicly post about them because harassment against anyone who even slightly has criticism against Hazbin is absolutely rampant. I think the creator definitely encourages them. She would regularly like tweets of people tearing apart critics and direct her fanbase towards the original criticism. It's a covert way of encouraging harassment, because she can easily say "I'm just liking the people defending the show!"

She's had a history of being a nasty person in public and behind the scenes, but I don't care enough to compile a list of receipts. Other people have done it already, and I'm knee deep in the MiA theories video editing right now, but they're out there.

The comment I posted wasn't nearly the worst one I've gotten, too. It just so happened to be the most recent one. I should've collected all of them and compiled them, because there were some real gems that I deleted. And by gems I mean people calling me slurs lmao. My Hazbin review may be an incoherent mess, but I never once insulted the fans or creators of the show, and yet they act like I shot someone.

There's a YouTuber, Limus, who created a video talking about why they didn't like Angel Dust's portrayal in Hazbin, from the perspective of them being a male SA survivor, and how it made them quit the show. It was a hard watch because I could really feel their pain come through.

And then the Hazbin fandom fucking tore them apart and wished them death because they DARED to say that they thought the shitty spider abuse yaoi was poorly made.

A person's life and well-being should never come second to your opinions on a piece of media.

The MiA harassment is what gets to me, because it's not fellow fans of MiA doing it, but people who don't understand the show and just want to harass others as a way to feel good about themselves. They accuse fans of being p---philes and whatnot because they have a warped idea of what the show is. It really messed me up because I started to believe I was a harmful person for liking the show.

No matter what one's tastes in fiction are, no matter what art they may appreciate or create, that stuff doesn't determine whether or not you're a good person. You can consume the most wholesome, inoffensive, fluffy things ever and be a vile person. Inversely, you can consume the most fucked up, depraved, and shocking fiction and be a lovely person. I don't understand why modern fandom equates interests with morality. I thought we as a society were over this.

Once again, a person's life and well-being should never come second to your opinions on a piece of media.

If the person dislikes something you like, or likes something you dislike, whatever, who cares, just log off. Nobody's harming anyone by liking or disliking a cartoon.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Do you have any opinions on how many people are lauding Barbie as THE feminist movie instead of a movie which kind of touches upon certain aspects of feminism without really dealing with any of the actual undertones of it? Like I know a fun summer movie (or any movie tbh) doesn't NEED to address all nitty gritties of a socio-cultural phenomenon but at the same time I personally feel that the exaggerated depiction of how patriarchy works (which is definitely a stylistic choice) brushes aside too many real world impacts for it to be considered as some kind of cultural icon for feminism. None of the above takes away from its entertainment factor for me.

Yes, I do have some thoughts about that. I am following a lot of Barbie coverage, from reviews to tumblr posting, twitter and tiktok. It's everywhere. But it doesn't mean that my exposure fully encapsulates the entire discourse(s) surrounding the film. So my perspective is strictly my own and in no way representative of how the film is or should be perceived/criticized/lauded.

I personally didn't think of it as the quintessential feminist movie. That's too broad a label that does more harm than good. It is but a version of feminism, mostly your basis 101 white feminism a la Greta Gerwig and one that it's easy to digest, to reach a big audience and one that doesn't interfere too much with the corporation. It reminded me of how I used to see the word in my first year of college when I started getting into contact with feminism and my eyes suddenly opened.

It's not interesectional feminism, it does gloss over some issues and I'm not trying to justify it too much because there are enough people pointing that out rightfully so and are more in the right to talk about it than I am.

Am I part of the target audience for Barbie? Yes and no. Mostly yes, but there are experiences in the film that do no speak to me. What does that mean? I think it reflects my life and how I adhere to this mainstream feminism knowing that it's not really entirely for me.

What I can say, and I know this will sound exactly like white feminism, is that some aspects tackled in the film are universal. What I mean by that is questioning our purpose and how we perform gender. I've been struggling with that. I too look at other women thinking they have it all figured it out and they know how to be women (based on some idea in my head), while I don't, which makes me question how I don't do a good job at being a woman. Is seeing Margot Robbie as stereotypical Barbie questioning her purpose the same? No. Because I do not look like Margot Robbie (and the film smartly pointed out the absurdity). And then there was Gloria's speech which is again about this general idea of never feeling that you are enough and no matter what you do, there is always more to improve and balance and how shitty it is when it fact we should just be allowed to exist. All of us, regardless of any aspect of our identities. All of this spoke to me, but it doesn't mean the film didn't cater more to a specific experience of being a girl/woman in patriarchal structures through the lens of a straight, white perspective. It's not innovative because it's definitely not the first film to even address it like that. What is noteworthy though is how successful it is. That usually doesn't happen with films predominantly made by women and for women (and men too in the case of Barbie, too bad some of them refuse to aknowledge it). It's a blockbuster hit with a direct feminist message. I think that's important to note, as long as we take into consideration the nuances when we talk about Barbie.

[cartoon-buffoon]

Recently I was watching one of my favorite Sonictubers playing Alex Kidd, a different Sega game. Anyways I deeply love this YouTuber's content, I'm a regular in their stream and my first ever piece of proper digital art was fanart for them (oh god this drawing sucks but looking at this you can tell I HAVE improved!)

Anyways shitty fanart of their character getting robbed by Fang The Sniper aside, in the Alex Kidd playthrough they call me out by name? Obviously it's in a joking manner and their shout-out to me is just a brief gag but they do say "shout out to Toon Buffoon" (high-key check out this channel, it does good Sonic reviews and the characters have lore within the reviews). But yeah, watch the video for yourself and see, THEY DO SHOUT ME OUT! Upon hearing this the first time I was shocked and as you can see by my comment I'm beyond flattered and it was this that made me realize I've made an impact on at least a few people?

Like I owe a lot to SpinyNorman and his YouTube channel. That fanart I made above was something I did with my fingers whilst waiting to receive meds yet I decided to share it with him, he complimented it, and that inspired me to draw more and actually have fun with it. I don't just wanna strictly talk about my favorite YouTuber though and getting back to what I said: my support of this FAIRLY SMALL CREATOR and their great content (seriously go watch their vids if you like Sonic) made me go "people register I exist...". Like, this may sound I'm fucking with you but I genuinely cannot fathom the idea people are aware of me and my dumbass existence. From my name being shouted out, to the new followers here on Tumblr, to a few comments over on my AO3 it makes me genuinely happy. When I started posting stuff I was an socially anxious wreck, now while I still am I can't help but be thankful for all the people I may have left an impression on to the point they register me as somebody. Whether this be my uhh, fanfics, or maybe it's just me cheering someone up, or something else I did that left an impression, some people DO see my name and or pfp and think "oh it's that one fella" and that makes me happy. I'm thankful I can be of entertainment and or camaraderie, if you're a person I met on here I can't thank you enough for whatever interactions we may have had (its mainly two people, Mr-Pgeon and SkitSwap, shout out to them), still I have interacted with others.

Sorry if this is nonsensical because my ADHD and emotions are working in unison to make a lot of this rant detached, but my point is: THANKS! I can't fathom the idea people like me and honestly when I made this Tumblr it was during a time when I was genuinely contemplating killing myself (I still contemplate it, just less now). Now of course my IRL friends have gotten me through rough times, shout out to my betas Z and Quartz, however the people I've met online have also helped me. Knowing what I do has left an impact, a positive one at that, makes me happy. Whether it be cheering somebody's art on, having them enjoy one of my fics, or perhaps talking, I'm glad to not have ended myself and I really do wish to keep on going and keep creating so I can hopefully make more people's days in the future. Sorry if this sentimental, I'll probably go back to talking about how I want a variety of cartoon rabbits to bang me soon, but I still just wanna say thanks ❤️.