#we made so many dick jokes about piano guy

[redactedtrip6]

making a drawing of my frens, not done yet just a progress pic but im having fun so far

the middle guy is shirtless but he will be wearing jeans in the final result, however i had to shade them in for now cause it looked too much like he was butt ass naked with the piano hiding his dick

also he doesnt actually play piano but he ended up holding one anyways cause he wanted to be holding one over his shoulder. this is because he moves them for a living so like big ass piano on his shoulder=strong man right? well i misunderstood and though he just wanted to be holding one in general so he ended up with an electric keyboard which doesnt entirely make sense but he likes it

[little-smartass]

THE VAMPIRE LESTAT COVER ALBUM - the legendary Vampire Lestat is back and bigger and badder than ever, this time bringing a whole album of song covers ranging from classic bangers to newer fresh takes on chart hits! get your copy now, complete with a transcript of the artist's commentary on each song!

(songs I think Lestat would cover and release as an album in an attempt to re-kickstart his career and/or make some sort of dramatic statement to Louis. tracklist and "artist commentary" under the cut)

Survival - Muse

“And I’ll reveal my strength, to the whole human race, yes I am prepared, to stay alive, and I won’t forgive, and vengeance is mine, and I won’t give in, because I choose to thrive! Yeah I’m gonna win!”

Oh, I wish this song had been around back on that opening night at the Cow Palace - how apt that would have been! What a fucking anthem! They would have been rioting all night. I mean, they already were, but, like, because of the music. Not because vampires were being immolated in the middle of the crowd. Different kind of riot.

The Bitch Is Back - Elton John

“I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch, oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact, I can bitch, I can bitch, ‘cause I’m better than you, it’s the way that I move, the things that I do!”

One day I want to have this play as I walk into Night Island. I’ll time it perfectly so that I throw off my coat - my denim jacket, or- oh, no, a fur! Maximum drama! - just as the chorus starts. Armand will know that I’m coming of course, but I think that’ll just make it even better. And I have good memories to this song... [muffled question] Sorry, gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, bébé. [laughter]

Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic

"Oh my, feels just like I don’t try, look so good I might die, all I know is everybody loves me, head down, swaying to my own sound, flashes in my face now, all I know is everybody loves me”

Look, do I even need to explain this one? Didn’t think so.

Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

"I don't give a damn ‘bout my reputation, I've never been afraid of any deviation, and I don't really care if you think I'm strange, I ain't gonna change - and I'm never gonna care bout my bad reputation"

This one's fairly self-explanatory again. It could have been my personal anthem when I was mortal quite honestly. And it's an awful lot of fun to jump about and headbang to, don't you think? That's a new thing I've found out about, headbanging. People have been hopping about to music looking like fools for centuries but now there's a name for it. Fantastic.

bad guy - Billie Eilish

"I’m that bad type, make your mama sad time, make your girlfriend mad type, might seduce your dad time… I’m the bad guy. Duh.”

Creepy? Check. Sexy? Check. Tongue-in-cheek? Check check. This song was great and a lot of fun to cover.

Lover to Lover - Florence + the Machine

“I believe there’s no salvation for me now, no space among the clouds, and I feel I’m heading down, but that’s alright, that’s alright, that’s alright”

I don’t know, this one just felt very relevant. Also the piano was great to do. You might have noticed that I’ve picked a lot of songs with piano, and that’s because I bullied the studio into getting me a goooooorgeous grand piano for the recording space and I wanted to use it as much as possible!

Feeling Good - Muse

“Stars when you shine, you know how I feel, scent of the pine, you know how I feel, oh freedom is mine, and I know how I feel”

I just really like this song - I’ve done a cover of an excellent cover! Can- can you put emojis in this? Do people still use emojis? Well imagine I’ve put the shrug one. Wait, isn’t there- Daniel, Daniel, come here, isn’t there a shrug emoji made up of keyboard- [muffled words] yes! The shrug one! Yes, put that in the transcription. [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] I just like this song.

The Man - The Killers

“I got gas in the tank, I got money in the bank, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man, I got skin in the game, I got a household name, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man”

I feel like this one speaks for itself too. Can you put that shrug emoji thing in here again? [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] Yes!

J'ai Pas Envie - MIKA

J'ai pas envie, de faire comme si, comme les maris, qui disent oui, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie d'te faire plaisir, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, si tu m'aimes viens me le dire"

Look, I'm not going to translate the whole song for you, because it has all this clever wordplay you just totally lose in english… but the gist of it is that these two lovers are… at odds a lot. It's… it's maybe a little spiteful [laughter] but in a fun way! It's a fun song! Louis won't even be mad about it, it's MIKA.

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

"When I'm not with you, think of you always (I miss those long hot summer nights), when I'm not with you, think of me always, always"

[Long pause] God, I miss Freddie.

Let 'Em Talk - Kesha

Ah, full disclosure - I put this song in purely because of the expression Louis made when I played it in the car and it got to the line “can suck my dick” and she did that popping noise… it was incredible, and I just knew I had to cover it so I could see his expression when I said that. I can’t wait to play it to him. [laughter]

So What - P!nk

"So so what, I'm still a rockstar, I got my rock moves, and I don't need you, and guess what? I'm having more fun, and now that we're done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, (and you're a tool, so)"

I'm actually a big fan of nineties and noughties female stars - all that grrrrrrrl power, it's great fun, you know? I'd say this one is fairly self-explanatory, because I am still a rockstar! This is my new album! Fuck you EMP and your sniffy little article calling me "washed up"!

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

"But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?"

This one could be self-deprecating, but it's also very vindictively angry at the same time, and that's a combination I definitely get. Like, oh, it's my fault, isn't it? It's my fucking fault again, what a surprise. Perhaps "learn from your mother or you'll spend your days biting your own neck" is a little on the nose… [muffled words] you've read my books, right? [muffled words] Good, good.

Missy - The Airbourne Toxic Event

"But I swear there's still some good in me, I think if you'd stuck around you'd see, all the botched attempts at integrity I once had"

Oh, I was feeling philosophical when I picked this one. No, philosophical isn't the right word… melancholy? Do people still use that word? "I swear I swear I swear I'll never get sad" is both furiously defiant and yet so self-defeatingly ironic. [Exasperated noise] Enough of that. Next!

Please Don't Leave Me - P!nk

"I don't know if I can yell any louder, how many times have I kicked you out of here, or said something insulting? I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of nearly anything, when my heart is broken… (please, please don't leave me)"

Oh, we’re… we’re getting to this section now. [clearing throat] Well, I have to make up for that sucking dick line, don’t I? Get a bit vulnerable. Oh God, why did I decide to do this bit? [muffled words] [bad chicago accent] But why buy the cow? Because you love him, you really do. [sigh, laughter]

Next To Me - Imagine Dragons

"Oh, I always let you down, shattered on the ground, still I find you there, next to me, and oh, the stupid things I do, I'm far from good it's true, still I find you, next to me"

Why did I- I don’t remember putting so many of these ones in.

Run To You - Pentatonix

"I've been settling scores, I've been fighting so long, but I've lost your war, and our kingdom is gone... how shall I win back your heart which was mine? I have broken bones and tattered clothes, I've run out of time"

[Sigh] [clears throat] Yeah. I think we can move onto the next one.

Love of My Life - Queen

“Love of my life, don't leave me, you've stolen my love, you now desert me, love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me, because you don't know, what it means to me”

I play this one sometimes on my baby grand when we've had a fight, and it's impossible for him to stay angry. He's a sucker for this sort of… formality in romance. God, I wish I'd realised that earlier. If I'd written him a letter in fancy copperplate script with scented paper and enclosed rose petals politely requesting him to bend me over his desk back in the day, it might not have taken two centuries of mutual blue balls for us to figure our shit out. Ah well, live and learn… as it were. [muffled words] Look, I did a whole bunch of vulnerable songs! Now I get to make sex jokes! [laughter] oh fuck off.

[collecting-stories]

Heaven, We’re Already Here - t. 05 - JJ Maybank

Summary: Things are progressing between y/n and JJ. 

A/N: We’re halfway to the end...can you even believe it?

You Are Ok Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

✞ My soul isn’t yours to save anymore ✞

The bet had become a thing of contention between JJ and John B since the night of the kegger. It was fairly obvious that JJ wanted out and the only reason he was still hanging on was because he had convinced himself that he desperately needed the cash. 

But the more he spent time with you the harder it was becoming to justify to himself that cash was worth the level of humiliation he would be subjecting you to if you knew that this was all just one massive joke on you. From the moment he saw you in the church JJ knew that this was no game or bet, no matter what he tried to tell himself when you weren’t around. And after spending the day in Chapel Hill with you he was more convinced than ever that he needed to end things before they got out of hand.  

“Here.” JJ practically slammed the money on the table, pushing it across to Sarah.

“What’s this?”

“I forfeit.” He replied. “Take your 200 back.” 

“I thought you needed the money,” John B said, tone mocking the way JJ had grumbled about needing cash three weeks ago. 

“Yeah and now I don’t.” He snapped.  

Kiara looked away, grabbing the empty glasses off the table and taking them back to the counter. The only nice thing about him doing this in the Wreck was that she could walk away from the table when it got uncomfortable. Kiara hadn’t been shy in telling JJ that he should call off the bet, “if you really need 200, I’ll front you.” But she was less inclined to put herself in the middle of the altercation with him, John B, and Sarah. 

She knew that he regretted making the bet in the first place and she had felt guilty hanging out with you, knowing that it was all just a joke behind your back that JJ and his friends could laugh at. But he was making good on his promise to cut off the head of the beast, giving Sarah her money back and ending the bet before anyone really got hurt. It could fade into obscurity, just be something no one even remembered anymore. 

“You were almost to the finish line,” John B teased, feeling shockingly okay with a bet he’d first made when he was drunk and barely coherent enough to walk. “I mean, unless you don’t think she’ll let you get that far-”

“Shut up.” JJ snapped. “I said I was done, so I’m done.”

“Why?” Sarah pried.  

“I thought it would be funny but it’s not. She’s a real person, I’m not gonna fuck with her just so you guys can laugh.” JJ replied. He’d been feeling guilty about the bet since that first day he saw you in the church. The way you looked at him, a mirrored image of his own restlessness, depression, and emptiness. He didn’t deserve you on a good day, when he was completely devoted to you with no ulterior motive at the back of his head.  

He couldn’t do this to you, make you the butt of the joke to every pogue who heard about the bet and was enough of an asshole to find it funny. On his second time around the thought, he knew he really couldn’t do that to anyone. But John B thought it was funny and he and Sarah had used JJ’s lack of funds and general ‘go-with-the-flow’ attitude as a means to an end. 

“You’d do it if she was some kook.” Sarah commented, counting the 20’s he’d handed over. 

“Well she’s not.” JJ snapped, “look, I’m giving you the fucking money back, bet’s off.”

“Dude-“

“He said it was over John B, just quit being a dick.” Kiara piped up. She hadn’t been there when the bet was made but she had heard about it after the fact and been pissed. She was only relieved now that JJ seemed ready to put the bet to rest.  

“She might like you now but it won’t last.” Sarah said when JJ started to walk away, “I mean, you guys have nothing in common JJ, do you really think she fits in at keggers or sitting around getting high all day?”

JJ stood there, jaw tense, clenching his fists so hard that his nails dug into his palms, face turning red. The anger was just insecurity because, yeah, he agreed with Sarah. He knew he didn’t have a lot to offer you but hearing her say it knocked him down a peg and had him seeing red. 

“Just go,” Kiara urged, grabbing JJ’s arm and pushing at him, trying to get him to turn around and leave, “go.” She would yell at them for him, a much better defender of his character than he was. 

The door slammed behind him, the spring on the old wooden screen creaking in protest when JJ threw it shut as he left, already brushing tears out of his eyes as he walked, cutting through the woods back to the cut. It was stupid to get so upset about something Sarah said but he couldn’t help it. He’d been worked up as it was over calling off the bet and Sarah had only made him feel worse. 

Despite that, or maybe because of it, JJ took the path through the woods that led to the church. Taking a walk to cool down worked for everyone in the world but him, the further through the woods he walked the angrier he got. At himself, at Sarah and John B, at everything that made him take that stupid bet in the first place. The only thing keeping his anger in check was the thought of you. Sitting in the church practicing the piano or hanging laundry outside. Anywhere he could stay just out of sight of your parents, relishing in your attention.  

JJ came up on the church, not thinking to look inside before he entered. All he was thinking about was seeing you, forgetting entirely that you were not the only one who lived on the property. He stopped at the end of the aisle, still a little worked up, and caught off guard by the sight of your dad at the altar, rehearsing his sermon for Sunday. He tried to back up but failed, his clumsiness catching your dad’s attention.  

“Can I help you?” He called out when JJ bumped into one of the pews, the sound of his boot colliding with the wood reverberating in the nave. 

“Sorry,” JJ spoke up, “sorry I-“

“You came to church a few Sundays ago?” Your dad said, recognizing JJ’s face when he stepped off the altar and walked down the aisle. The blond, he realized, was the boy he’d noticed watching you. Though his wife told him he was being crazy, he was certain that he’d seen the boy in the yard once after that. 

“Ah, yeah...” JJ nodded, sniffling a little to clear the congestion from crying, “wrong turn on the way to the smoke shop I guess.” He was sure his face was still red, eyes still bloodshot, and the last thing he wanted to do was get cornered into some weird testimonial moment with your dad. He just wanted to see you, to remind himself that what Sarah said was bullshit, that you liked him, that this was more than a bet.  

“Is there something I can help you with now?” Everyone always said how welcoming and charismatic your dad was. The church wouldn’t have half the congregation it did now if it wasn’t for your dad’s ability to reel people in with smiles and an easy-going personality. 

That ease was not present as he stood there sizing up JJ. The kid gave him a bad feeling and he was absolutely certain he’d seen flashes of him around the yard before. The teenage population on the island was not a group your father was a fan of and JJ seemed the perfect embodiment of all the things wrong with that group. He looked unkempt, a little worse for the wear, and he smelled like pot. 

Before JJ could say anymore, the doors to the church opened and you walked in, eyes wide at finding your boyfriend there, “uh, mom said to call you for lunch?” You said. 

For his part, the second the door opened, JJ’s attention had snapped that way, and there you were. Exactly who he had been looking for and he felt like he could breath, like things would be alright because you were right there and he shouldn’t be so conspicuous but he couldn’t take his eyes off you. Like a magnet.  

“Of course,” he seemed to recover his bad mood relatively quick though he glared at the back of JJ’s head when he realized the boy was staring at you. “Go ahead back to the house and tell your mom I’ll be in.” 

You kept your eyes on your dad, not daring to look at JJ, “should I ask her to set an extra space?” Your dad had always been a fan of inviting church members in for dinner or lunch when they stopped by with something, you weren’t sure if it was compensation for a dwindling household or if he just liked to seem approachable but you used it against him now. If you had looked at him, you’d have noticed the slow smirk on JJ’s face as he stood there. 

If your dad said no it reflected badly on him. He always guilted you about not being helpful enough or considerate enough. “If...” he trailed off, clearing his throat to get JJ’s attention as he waited for a name. 

“JJ...JJ Maybank.” 

The frown increased in size; he’d heard the last name before. He’d hired a Maybank to do work on the roofing a few years back and remembered the man being nothing but a mean drunk. “If JJ wants to stay, we would love to have him.”

“I’ve got no where to be,” JJ replied, grinning at your dad. 

Lunch had already been finished when you went to call your dad, needing only to be plated, something you were thankful for because the awkward and uncomfortable silence that settled between JJ and your dad was unbearable. There was no way you could’ve survived waiting through lunch prep with the two of them.  

You weren’t even entirely sure what JJ was doing there. He hadn’t mentioned seeing you, he was supposed to be spending the day with his friends, as he’d already told you the night before when he snuck over because “couldn’t stay away”. He’d invited you on the boat but both your parents were home all day so there was little chance that you could go anywhere without drawing attention to yourself. Weekends were easier, your brothers and sisters who had stayed close came over with their kids and if you left no one missed you. But during the week it was just the three of you, an odd adjustment after so many years with so many kids.  

You sat at the table across from JJ, doing your absolute best not to look at him, knowing he was staring at you just to piss off your dad, who had already mentioned your upcoming engagement twice. Your mom let your dad lead the conversation like she always did and didn’t object to his over excessive mention of Timothy.  

“Do you go to the high school then?” She was doing her best to be polite, not completely certain your dad’s paranoia was based on fact. (“Just because you say you saw him in the yard doesn’t mean you saw him in the yard.”)

“Ah, yeah...” JJ nodded, “sometimes.” He took another bite of the sandwich, “hey, this is really good, you’re a really good cook.”

While The Wreck technically counted as homemade because it was Kiara’s dad who made it, JJ hadn’t eaten a real, home cooked meal, in a long time. His mom, when she had been around in his childhood, was not making lunches or any meals for him that she couldn’t microwave.  

“Oh, Ace made it.” Your mom said, beaming at you, “she’s a natural in the kitchen.” 

“You’ve been-“ JJ stopped himself short of saying you’d been holding out on him, coughing and then continuing on, “it’s good.”

“Thank you,” you chanced a glance up and then quickly back down at your plate. 

Lunch was excruciating and when it was finally over, JJ leaving and your dad watching him walk back into the woods, you told your parents you weren’t feeling well and went to lay down. You were flushed all over from lunch, sitting there across from JJ with your parents in the room. It was like knowing a secret you knew you weren’t supposed to. 

Tapping sounded on your window and you opened it, JJ standing there outside, “you’re gonna get me trouble,” you whispered. “My dad is convinced he’s seen you around our yard.”

“That’s cause he has.” JJ replied, kissing you once he was inside the room. 

“I know that.” You whispered, “what are you doing?”

“I’m reading your love letter from Timmy,” he shrugged, sitting down at your desk and pulling the letter out of the envelope. 

“It’s not a love letter,” you huffed. When you got close enough to try and take the letter away JJ spun in the chair, grabbing you around the waist and pulling you into his lap. 

“Let’s see, oh, coming to visit?” JJ said, poking your sides as he read the letter, leaving kisses along your shoulder. “So you get to go on a date?”

“Well, chaperoned.” You replied. “My dad wants to go somewhere ‘outer banks’ style, whatever he thinks that is, to show off to Timothy and his parents.” 

“Go to the Wreck.” JJ said. 

“I’m not going to Kie’s, I’m not gonna embarrass myself.” 

“Trust me,” JJ insisted, kissing you, “go to the Wreck.” 

You ran your fingers through his hair, brushing it back out of his face and kissing him. Your hands moved down so you could hold his face, leaning your forehead against his.  

“Are you okay?” JJ asked, his hands sliding up under your shirt, his warm skin against yours.  

“I don’t want to do this.” You admitted, “I don’t wanna have dinner with Timmy.”  

“Hey,” JJ pulled his face away, tilting so he could look you in the eye, “That shit doesn’t mean anything.”  

“It does in the long run,” you replied. When you had gotten Timothy’s letter that morning you’d been more than upset, knowing he was coming to North Carolina felt like the last nail in the coffin before your dad was sending you off to Tennessee.  

“Do you like him?” He asked, matter of fact.

“No, no.” You shook your head. There was no way you had any feelings toward Timothy other than mild annoyance. He wasn’t bad but he wasn’t for you. And maybe he would’ve been if this was all there was but you had JJ and there was an entire other space out there. “I wish we could just…stay like this.”

“Me too.” JJ replied.  

You pulled away from him suddenly, remembering the way he’d looked when you had walked into the church and found him there with your father. “I forgot, you were upset earlier-”

“It’s fine, it was just a dumb fight with John B.” He insisted, “I’m over it.”

“Are you sure? You can tell me anything.” You promised. You had been secret keeper and confidant for your siblings plenty of times over the years and while their conflicts had never really been worthy the secrecy, you had still been good at the task.  

“I’m fine, I promise,” he repeated, “I was just upset and I wanted to see you.”

“Well you’re seeing me now,” you teased, holding his face again so you could kiss him, “though I think you should consider leaving before anyone comes to check on me.”

-

The Wreck was totally not where you wanted to be going on a chaperoned first date with a guy who looked almost more sheltered than you felt on a regular basis. He had khakis and a polo tucked in, spikey blond hair and you were trying so hard not to be mean in your head. This was the guy your parents thought would make a great addition to their family. This was your future husband?

Any concerns or reservations you had about Timothy went out the window as you walked into the Wreck ahead of him and realized that JJ and Pope were sitting at the counter. JJ turned in his stool as you came in, propping his chin on his hand and smiling at you. 

“Hey,” Kiara had donned jeans and a t-shirt for the occasion, “six?” 

“Actually, these two will have their own table.” Your mom piped up and you looked at Kiara, attempting to convey the absolute horror of the early evening dinner.  

“Of course,” she said, grabbing menus. You could hear your father behind you, mentioning JJ’s presence in the restaurant. Whether Kiara heard it or JJ had just requested that this be the most difficult first date to get through, the table she sat you at was facing the counter. Your parents sat two tables over with Timothy’s parents while you sat down in perfect view of JJ and Pope.  

“So, what’s good here?” Timothy asked, his voice an octave higher than he looked like it would be.

You scanned the menu as if you ate there all the time and then looked at Kiara, hoping she could offer more of an answer then you could.  

“The grits are good, we do them with sausage and shrimp.” Kiara replied.  

“That’s fine.” You handed off your menu, not bothering to consider another option. Even though Kiara knew that this was all something you had to do, you felt a sense of guilt, sitting there with Timothy while JJ was sitting at the counter.  

It was palpable, you felt like you could taste it in your mouth as you spoke, felt the guilt dripping off you. Timothy wasn’t the worst, probably, and, probably, in someone else’s life he would make them happy but you weren’t sure there was any reality that would allow you to walk away from what you had with JJ and resign yourself to this life. To your mom’s life, or your sisters’ lives.  

“I’ve been looking into getting my pilot’s license, I’ll be done seminary soon-” Timothy started to say after Kiara walked off.  

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were interested in becoming a pilot.” You replied, glancing over his shoulder at JJ who was turned around in his stool, his back against the counter, watching you. If your dad wasn’t facing the opposite direction you were certain he’d be having a fit right now.  

“...the plane license would take another year at least but it’s something I can easily pursue after the marriage and it would allow us the opportunity to be missionaries-”

“Missionaries?” You paled, focusing your attention back on Timothy and away from JJ.  

“Timmy’s older brother is ministering in Zambia and they’ve always talked about Timmy joining him,” his mom cut in.  

“Missionaries in Zambia...all the time?” You asked. Your father had already launched into a separate conversation about the importance of ministry work and you felt close to absolute collapse. When Kiara came back to the table to make sure the food was okay you practically clung to her, “bathroom?”

“Through the kitchen,” Kiara lied, noting the look of distress. “Our regular bathroom is being fixed.”  

“Thanks.” You bolted. Through the restaurant and the kitchen, right out the back door and you might’ve run all the way home but somehow JJ was right there, grabbing you as you collided with him. “I can’t do this...I can’t, I can’t....I can’t be a missionary! I can’t live in Zambia and have like thirteen kids and name them all something stupid and have poufy fucking hair!”  

“Whoa, hey, babe,” JJ urged, pulling you into a hug, rubbing your back soothingly, “it’s gonna be okay.”  

“What if it’s not?” You could keep pretending like you didn’t have to think about it but the truth was, you couldn’t run from your parents’ expectations and plans forever. “I can’t do this.”

“You don’t have to do anything,” JJ promised, kissing the side of your head as he stood there holding you, “I love you. And I don’t give a shit about Timmy, or your parents, or whatever...we’ll figure this out.”

“This was a bad idea, having lunch here.”

“Hey, I don’t think so. I got to hear you curse for the first time.” He joked. “We’ll be okay, just head back inside alright?”

“Okay,” you pulled away, fixing your hair and taking a deep breath, trying to right yourself. It was just dinner. It wasn’t Zambia yet. It wasn’t even the wedding. Just dinner and JJ was right there. “Oh, JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.” You said before hurrying back inside, leaving him standing behind the Wreck with a sad smile on his face.  

-

“Scarlett does it every year with some of the kooks, like a raffle.” Sarah explained, recounting Scarlett’s ’Touron Game’ for JJ and John B, “500 to whoever gets the most tourons...they have like a scoring system. Kind of awful, I guess, but...I mean it’s not like they don’t know it’s just sex.”

“500?” JJ asked, “I could use that.”

“What are you gonna do, pimp yourself out?” John B joked.

“I’ll give you 200,” Sarah replied immediately, cutting her boyfriend off. She was looking across the parking lot of the convenience store.  

“What’s the catch?” JJ asked, following Sarah’s line of sight to the old minivan, a girl their age standing with her mom at the trunk.  

“That’s the weird pastor’s daughter, right?” Sarah asked, already knowing the answer, “get her to sleep with you. I’ll even give you the 200 dollars up front.”

“Yeah okay. It’s a deal.”  

-

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[bbrandy2002]

Fearless

Chapter 2: Take My Hand And Drag Me Headfirst

Book: The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir

Pairing: Prince/King Liam x MC (Riley Brooks), Drake Walker x OC (Alyssa Devereaux)

Series Premise: Riley Brooks and Alyssa Devereaux became best friends as freshmen at Syracuse University, a borderline-sisterhood that lasts forever after. When Riley meets a handsome prince and is asked to compete for his hand in a mysterious faraway kingdom, she invites Alyssa along for moral support.

What the girls think will be a crazy temporary adventure becomes two sets of happily ever afters … with twice the shenanigans to show for it.

A/N: This series is written in loving collaboration between @bbrandy2002 and @burnsoslow​.

Series Warnings: Smut 🍋🍋, language, canon violence (gun violence, bombing, terrorism), drug use, probably more stuff as we think of it. By reading this series, you agree that you are at least 18 years old and are prepared to deal with adult themes.

Thank you @burnsoslow​ for the beta and putting some of your magical finishing touches where needed.

Chapter 3 will be written by @burnsoslow​ ,  I’m so excited for that!!

___________________________

Propped against the railing of the rear deck of a small tugboat in the middle of the Hudson River, the warmth of Liam’s arms wrapped around her from behind, Riley thought back to the words Daniel spoke to her earlier about fairytales and happy endings. Maybe it was the hope in his voice she needed to hear during a vulnerable moment to lift her spirits, but she was really starting to believe them herself.

The newly fired, down-on-her-luck Riley Brooks had left the Tapped Out Bar with a mysterious man that she plowed over during an escape from rats while taking out the garbage. A little while later, she accidentally attacked him again in the alleyway of her former employment with her sad little stick. They struck up a conversation, and through some awkward stalling on his part, he finally worked up the nerve to ask her out for a drink. 

Riley wasn’t someone who normally took off with random guys she just met to flit about the city, but there was just something about Liam that was different -- that was special. 

Call it intuition. An inclination. Instinct or inkling. Whatever it was, was a possibility. Of what? That remained to be seen. 

After talking to his friends about his plans, and at her behest, the pair headed west on foot until they reached a busy late-night cafe that overlooked the choppy waters of the New York harbor. Sitting on the open deck, moonlight cascading off the ripples of the sea, a light jazz tune playing through the outdoor speakers, they talked for over an hour about everything and nothing, while sipping coffee and plucking at a large cinnamon roll they shared. It was the most Riley had spoken in a long time. When you live with and are friends with the more outgoing Alyssa, you learn to appreciate the fine art of listening. She spoke about her dads, her friends, places she traveled to and what not. All very light, casual conversation. Liam mentioned he had family, his country of origin, how much he was enjoying New York, but never revealed too much.

Not wanting to sound too whiny and pathetic, she stuck with the positive things in her life; she surprised even herself that there were a lot more than she realized. But he captivated her in a real way that made it so easy. Liam laughed with her and made her feel interesting and personable; maybe even desired.

And as the night carried on and the patrons of the cafe dwindled down, a Miles Davis tune began to play: “Blue and Green.” A bright smile tugged on the corner of Liam’s lips as he pushed his chair back and rose from the table to offer his hand. “My lady.”

Riley looked around the deck to see if anyone else was dancing -- they weren’t -- but how could she say no? 

She didn’t want to say no.

Beside their little round table and under a string of hanging white pearly lights and garland, they slowly swayed together like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was chemistry in motion with every soft blare of the trumpet, rhythmic taps on the snare drum, and light pitter pats on a piano played in G major. The tempo was leisurely and elegant, creating the perfect ambience for the feelings that were stirring within them.

With her head resting snugly against his firm chest, the thrumming of his steadily-beating heart reverberating in her ear, Liam revealed, “I’m the Crown Prince of Cordonia, Riley.”

Never breaking their stride, Liam lifted one of her tiny arms in the air and twirled her around gracefully. Riley smiled up at him as they returned to formation; their hands intertwined between them. “And I’m one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

Liam laughed as they continued their gentle side-to-side movements. “I know it sounds crazy, but I’m not lying to you. Perhaps I should have been a little more upfront with you from the beginning, but I’m normally not allowed to go out without the Royal Guard.” He paused for a moment to lower her into a deep dip, sensually inhaling the perfumed scent around her decolletage, before pulling her back into his arms. “And I was only allowed out on the condition that I kept my identity a secret. But, just for one day … I wanted to be free.”

It was one of the most romantic nights Riley had ever experienced in her life, but as the music continued to play, their steps gliding in sync, she nuzzled her cheek against his firm body and responded, “You’re so full of shit.”

Liam pulled away, amused by her choice of words and disbelief. “After I told you all of that, you still think I’m lying?”

Riley shrugged. “I dunno.” She casually pulled out her chair under his watchful eye and sat down, crossing her legs. Lifting a coffee mug to her lips, she winced at its cold temperature, and the fact that she hated coffee. “So, I’m not really into the whole role-playing thing, but if you’re gonna be this ... Prince of Condomania, how about if I play the sultry villainess spy who comes to steal the treasures from your castle and you catch me in the act?” She batted her eyelashes and splayed her hands across her chest. “I will neva surrenda, Prince Liam. If you wont me, you’ll haf to take me right heya.” Riley animatedly flung her arms out and arched back over her chair.

Liam knit his brow. “What the hell kind of accent is that?”

Riley sat up and smiled proudly. “It’s Cajun. I have this friend and I really like how he talks; it’s so sexy. Do you think it sounded convincing at all? Maybe a little too nasally? You want me to try to do your accent next?”

With a grin, Liam shook his head and took the seat across from her. “You’re something else, you know that?”

She sighed. “That’s what they tell me.”

Reaching into his jacket pocket, Riley watched curiously as Liam pulled out his phone and began typing something on it. He held it out to her. “I want you to look at this, Cajun Villainess Spy. Tell me what you think?”

“Oh God, you’re gonna show me a dick pic, aren’t you?” Riley slammed her eyes shut as she reluctantly reached for his cell, but sort of peeked out one eye.  

“Eh, no. That’s never really been my style.” He gestured insistently for her to look at the screen as he sat back and crossed his arms. “I think you’ll find everything you want to know about me right there.”

It only took her a second to study the images and gloss over the text he pulled up, but a satisfied smirk formed on Liam’s charmed features while watching her eyes grow larger. Riley jumped up from her chair, the momentum causing it to tip over. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a real prince?” 

Liam guffawed, “I did!”

“No, you didn’t! You had I’m joking written all over your face. How was I supposed to know your serious face and your joke face look the same?” She tossed the phone back to him like it was molten iron scorching her palm. “I’d rather have the dick pic.” 

After picking up her tipped-over chair and getting settled again, she took a moment to just process the identity of the man she had spent the last couple of hours talking and dancing with. Her real-life Prince Charming. This incredibly sweet, hot guy sipping coffee in front of her was part of a royal family, and she was an unemployed everything. What on earth possessed him to want to spend time with the likes of her?  

She looked up from her fidgeting fingers that were picking at the green fabric covering her thighs and smiled softly at him. “I’m sorry I overreacted. It’s just …”

“A lot to learn about someone? No, no, I get it. I probably would have had the same reaction if I were you.”

“So ... what happens now?”

What happened next was what led them to the boat they were on for an impromptu midnight ride to see the Statue of Liberty.

Liam laid out the details of his situation: He was a prince visiting New York City with his friends who were throwing him a last-minute bachelor party. Riley listened attentively while he explained his upcoming social season: not knowing yet who he was going to marry, but that duty required him to take a wife by the end of the year. He had hoped while he was in the city to visit its most famous statue; however, his friends hadn’t planned for it. Riley heard the disappointment in his voice and it tugged at her heart.

It was definitely too late to catch one of the many tours that traveled to Ellis Island during the day, but Riley was determined to do what she could to make it happen for him. Part of her was motivated by the fact that she liked him a lot and enjoyed his company; he was charming and refined, different from anyone she’d ever met. The longer she got to spend with Liam and got to know him, the better. But there was also this other part that felt sorry for him. Riley could see the struggle in his eyes and the weight on his shoulders between what he wanted to do, and what his position forced his hand to do. In her mind it was clear that Liam was the kind of guy who got everything -- except what he wanted.

In some ways, she knew the feeling.

To Liam’s surprise, Riley assured him she would find a way for him to see that statue. So, while he paid the tab, her mind raced with how the hell she was going to pull this off. And just before the actual possibility of having to hijack a vessel began to fully take shape in her mind, she pulled out her phone in one last-ditch effort to not break the law. Riley knew no one who owned a boat, but there was one person in her life that seemingly had a connection to everyone in the damn city.

Riley bit at her fingernails as the phone rang, glancing over her shoulder once to watch Liam paying the cashier. “Come on, come on. Pick up. Pick up.”

“Heyyyy!”

“Alyssa,” Riley whispered in an urgent tone into the phone, unclear whether her friend would even hear her over the party music and raucous chatter that was blaring in the background. “I need your help with something.”

“Riiiiley!” she slurred. “My bestie. My sister from another parents. I love you soooo much. More than everyone in the whole wide ... something. Hey, guys! Riley’s on the phone; say hi to her!” 

“Wait, Lyss! No.”

A loud chorus of drunken greetings could be heard through the receiver as Alyssa held it up in the air.

“Alyssa!” Riley repeated in frustration while listening to her best friend start another conversation with a partygoer about the perfect symmetrical shape of the cheese cube she just ate. Apparently, it looked like a “tiny little house, for teeny, tiny little cheese people.”

Riley smacked her forehead. “Alyssa!” 

Liam returned from paying the bill, his hands stuffed in his pockets and bouncing on his heels. He raised his eyebrows at Riley as if asking eagerly whether she was ready to head out on this adventure she told him she would make possible. Riley smiled back and raised a finger, indicating she’d be ready in a moment. Panic started to set in as she cursed under her breath and continued to try to get her friend back on the call. “Lyss.”

“Riley,” Alyssa laughed. “You’re still on the phone? No way! Hey, guys! Riley’s still on the phone. Say ‘hey’ to her!”

“NOO! Please, Alyssa, I need your help.”

“Whatcha need, Ri? You know I’ll do aaaanything for you.”

“Ok, do you remember when you caught our dorm room on fire senior year cooking ramen noodles in the microwave, and all my stuff burned up?”

“That checks. Sure.”

“Well, it’s time to pay up on that favor you said you’d owe me.”

Somehow, the planets must have been aligned just right, because a very inebriated Alyssa comprehended Riley’s request enough to talk to Damien about it and have it actually make sense. Luckily, the private detective knew a guy who drove a tugboat for the Port Authority working the night shift and was more than willing to see what he could do for Alyssa’s best friend.

-----------

Riley felt Liam’s arms tighten around her waist as the Statue of Liberty came into view. She had seen the landmark more times than she could remember in her life; perhaps she had become so accustomed to it being there that she took for granted how it would affect someone seeing it for the first time. It wasn’t until she twisted around in his arms to view his reaction, to see this beacon of freedom reflecting in his mesmerized eyes, that it all made sense. Liam was a beautiful man with a beautiful soul; if anyone deserved this moment to reflect on what it truly meant to embrace the freedom he longed for, it was him.

“What are you thinking, Liam?” She broke the silence.

He shook his head in wonderment. “It’s magnificent, Riley. I’ve heard art has meaning because of what it makes the viewer feel. Whether it’s ink splatters on a canvas or on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, it only matters if it moves you.”

“And?” 

Liam let out a sigh of contentment and lowered his gaze to her. “And right now, looking at this view with you … I feel like … anything is possible.”

“I feel that way too.” She slowly nodded, finding herself lost in his eyes, his voice, his embrace. Nothing in this moment mattered to her anymore: the long stream of bad luck, the crappy job she just lost, her epic failures at relationships. They all seemed to just wistfully fly out into the ocean and bury themselves below its sandy bottom. 

Wrapped in each other's arms, surrounded by the salty sea air and a skyline full of hopes and dreams, Liam pulled her as close to himself as she would go, his other hand moving up to caress the side of her face. Both searched longingly into each other's eyes, waiting for the other to make that next big move. 

Feeling an awakening of courage and fire in the depths of her fluttering stomach, she threw all fears and caution to the wind. Riley grasped on to the lapels of Liam’s jacket and gently lowered him to her eagerly awaiting lips.

The kiss was tender and brief, but magical; it left her spellbound. Riley could swear she floated out of her body and traveled into the clouds that blanketed above them and enveloped her wholly.

Liam rested his forehead on Riley’s; his hands reached down to grasp hers and swing freely alongside them. “You’re full of surprises tonight, Riley.”

“Is that before or after I knocked you out earlier?”

He chucked, rubbing the bump on the back of his head. “Both times. I’m certainly not sorry about either, though. I’ll never forget this night … or you.”

If you have a concussion, you might. She smiled up at him, “Me either.”

As their boat rounded the island, Riley took one last glance back at the statue that now represented so much more in her mind. Her gaze traveled across the expanse of the gleaming torch, down the long arm of the statue, over to the dim lights shining through the glass within the crown. Something caught her attention -- an odd movement -- and she couldn’t help but squint real hard to make out the image that was quite small from her vantage point. She tilted her head, trying to figure out what the hell she was seeing before it finally became clearer to her. She let out a loud gasp. “Oh my God!”

From behind, Liam leaned down next to her face. “What’s wrong?” he asked curiously, trying to match his view with her line of sight. “What are you seeing?”

Riley pointed up. “I see ass cheeks!” she replied in disgust. “And not just any ass cheeks … big, gigantic ones smooshed right up against the window. There’s two people up there just going at it and … oh, no wait, she just got turned around. Yep, yep, those look like boobies now. Who does that kind of thing, having sex where anyone could just see? And in the Statue of Liberty, of all places?”

Letting out a forced cough then clearing his throat, Liam squeezed Riley’s shoulders several times and laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, I know. Sick freaks, huh?”

The pair watched the display for a second longer than they should have before turning to look at one another, blushing and smiling sheepishly. Riley only hoped she played off her disgust well enough that he didn’t realize she was a sick freak too.

Liam looked away, hoping the same.

---------

It was well past midnight.The Brooklyn streets were mostly bare, with only the occasional late-night dweller cruising the sidewalks or a yellow cab making its weekend rounds. Just a stone's throw across the bridge, the city that never slept, with its flashing lights and bustling tourist, lay in deep contrast to this quiet residential district that was only lit up at that hour by street lamps and halogen headlights.

Riley considered where she lived to be a fairly safe neighborhood. Crime and lawlessness weren’t unheard of, but it was rare for that area. Like many women of her young age, walking alone in the dark wasn’t something she usually set out to do unless she had no other choice. That’s why when Liam insisted he accompany her the few blocks from where they finished their excursion to see her home safely, she was more than willing to oblige him.

“This is my stop. Home sweet home.” Riley stopped at the bottom of the stairs that led to the entrance of her building and turned to Liam. She looked more gleeful than she actually was.

He glanced up at the plain red brick building. It was nothing special, but he made a mental note of the address numbers over its clear glass entryway. He knew it was unlikely he’d ever see her again, but on the off-chance, maybe someday if he was ever in the neighborhood … no, he thought … there’s no point in going there. “I see that ...it’s nice.”

Riley looked at him with a hopeful expression. “I know you said you had an early flight in the morning, but … if you’d like to come up …”

“I wish I could, Riley. Trust me, I want to more than you know; however, the limo will be here soon with my friends, and ...” he swept a strand of blowing hair from her face, memorizing her every feature. “... I don’t want to make this harder on either one of us.”

Nodding, Riley gave a half-smile. “I understand.”

They stared at one another for a moment, hoping to prolong the inevitable. “Come here, you.” Liam pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her. ”I can never thank you enough for everything tonight, Riley. I’m so glad I ran into you. Well ... actually you ran into me.” Riley let out a soft laugh that made his heart skip a beat. “You were the best part of my trip, Riley. I mean it.”

Before they knew it, the limo pulled up alongside the sidewalk in front of Riley’s apartment. Both felt a sinking feeling, knowing this was the end, and embraced a little tighter as the squeak of the limo’s brakes dulled and the awaiting engine ran in the silent backdrop.

Riley drew in a breath, the heels of her shoes tapping one another. “I guess this is goodbye?”

Frowning, Liam’s palms moved up to her face and rested along her jawline. “I’m afraid it looks that way.” He leaned down and kissed her gently, her arms winding around the back of his neck to hold him there for as long as she possibly could.

Knowing if he didn’t end it there, it never would, Liam broke their kiss, stroking his hand through her hair and said, “Take care, Riley.”

She smiled back. “You too, Liam.”

Not wanting to leave until he was sure she made it inside safely, Liam watched from the sidewalk while Riley slowly made her way up the concrete steps, scouring through her bag as she did so. When she reached the top, she stepped in front of the locked door, frantically digging and shaking her bag in search of the keys to get in. 

“Everything okay up there?” Liam called up to her as she knelt down and started frantically tossing items from her purse, slamming them down next to her feet: wallet, cell phone, lip gloss, ink pens, breath mints, hand sanitizer, a half-eaten bag of skittles, a box cutter she didn’t know she had, a marshmallow bunny from Easter, Midol, tampons …

“Mother fuck,” she grumbled in frustration to herself before yelling back cheerfully, “Yes, just looking for my keys. They’re always at the bottom,” she laughed, trying to make light of it. 

“They’re in your hand, Riley,” she heard him point out when she finally gazed down into her hand and slowly opened her palm. Liam let out a laugh when he saw her face twist up, realizing she had them the entire time. 

“Get out of here. You said you didn’t want to make this harder.” Riley began stuffing everything back into her bag.

He continued to laugh as he threw his hands up and stepped away. “I’m going.”

As soon as she unlocked the door and walked inside to the lit-up entryway, she heard the limo pull away. Everything in her wanted to look back in hopes he’d stayed behind by some chance and was walking up those steps, approaching the door, wanting her to let him in. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath; the greatest guy she’d ever met was gone, and the only way to see him again would require a Google search. 

In her mind, though, she had made a prince’s dream come true. Maybe she wasn’t half bad after all.

In a huge way, Liam did the same for her. Too bad he would never know it.

___________

Riley opened the door and stepped inside her dark apartment, closing it behind her. After such a long day, feeling a little disheartened, all she wanted to do was slip into some comfy night clothes, wash her face, brush her teeth and crash until next week. Taking two steps away from the door, her foot caught on something and she went flying forward, landing with a hard thud to the floor. 

It felt like the wind had been knocked right out of her chest when she hit the ground. “Son-of-a--?” She pushed herself up on her knees, shook out her sore hands, then reached over to flip the light switch on.

“Alyssa?” Riley whispered.

Lying on the ground, curled into a peaceful little ball, was her roommate, still in the same clothes she last saw her in, hands pressed together and tucked under her cheek like a sleeping cherub. Riley crawled over to Alyssa, swept her hair out of her face, and checked for breathing. The strong smell of alcohol emanated from her tiny sighs -- Alyssa wasn’t a heavy drinker. 

Concerned, Riley jiggled her arm. “Sweetie, are you okay?”

An angelic murmur was the only answer to her question.

Not wanting to leave her on the floor, Riley stood up and bent down, her hands grasping both of Alyssa’s wrists before she pulled her down their hallway as gently as she could and stepped into her best friend's bedroom. 

Huffing out of breath, she made it next to Alyssa’s bed. Riley crouched down and tried to lift her onto the mattress, but Alyssa was dead weight. Maybe she had no other choice but to leave her there. 

Riley pulled a blanket and pillow from the bed, rolled Alyssa to her side, and got her as comfortable as she could. After placing a wastebasket next to her friend and leaving a bottled water on the night table, she patted her back. “I have so many things to tell you in the morning, Lyss. You’d be so proud of me.” Riley swallowed down the emotions that had threatened to escape since she realized Liam had left for good. Her voice broken and feeble, she continued, “I took that risk. I was fearless, just like you told me to be. It didn’t work out the way I had hoped, but …” she sniffled through a small smile, blinking back tears. “... I have no regrets.”

Riley rose to her feet and headed for the door when she heard a faint voice call out from behind that stopped her in her tracks. “Ri?”

She turned her head. “Hmm?”

“I’m always proud of you.”

Switching the light off, Riley smiled back at her friend, who still appeared to be resting in a calm slumber. “I know. Good night, bestie.”

---------------

The next morning, just as the sun had peeked from behind the clouds and the air was fresh with newness and warmth, Riley woke. Today would differ from every day before. She didn’t want to lie in bed all day and dwell on what-might-have-beens or how her life was a dead end to nowhere. She was determined she wanted something more out of it -- whatever that may be.

Slipping on a pair of trainers, running tights and a long sleeve shirt, she pulled her hair up in a high ponytail and headed out.

She made it two blocks before collapsing on a bench, gasping for air, and flipping off a kid on a bike who was laughing and taunting her.

After five more blocks of running and taking a break at nearly every bench or stoop along the way -- that same jerky kid still deriding her as he circled around each block -- Riley made her way back to her building, hunched over and sweaty. She didn’t jog as far as she’d liked to, but she made the effort, for which she was pleased with herself. 

It also didn’t hurt that there was a mouthy kid out there somewhere with two flat bicycle tires, crying to his mom, that was giving her a new boost of life. 

Reaching for the door of her building, she chuckled to herself thinking about his pouty little face -- haha, sucks to be you, kid -- when someone yelled out her name.

“Shit,” she panicked, thinking the boy’s parents had found her and had come to beat her ass. Riley fumbled with her keys, trying to make a quick getaway inside.

“Hey, Riley! Stop.” The voice sounded oddly familiar, and curiosity couldn’t stop her from whipping her head around to take a quick peek. She instantly recognized the man who was racing up the stairs towards her, from the bar. He was one of the guys from Liam’s party last night who helped after the collision. 

Pulling the keys from the lock and gripping the pepper spray attached to them, she jumped back when he suddenly hopped up next to her like a fireball of energy.

“Riley. I’m so glad I caught up with you. I’m Maxwell -- we met last night -- and this is Rashad.” He pointed over his shoulder. The man gave a simple nod in return. “He was there, too.”

Her brows knit in confusion. “Oookay. You both aren’t here by chance upset over a couple of slashed bike tires, are you? Because that wasn’t me. I saw who did it, though, if you need a witness statement.” Riley’s eyes shifted around, looking for a person to match her fake would-be description.

Maxwell shook his head with a chuckle and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, her gaze falling to it. “Nah, I came to talk to you about Liam. You’re all he could talk about when he got back to the hotel last night. He went on and on about the cafe, and the trip to the Statue of Liberty, and how beautiful you are ...”

“He -- he did?” She was pleasantly surprised, her heart bursting at his words.

“Yeah. We’re heading back to Cordonia so Liam can find someone to marry and all that jazz. But before I go, I wanted to officially extend to you an invitation to join us for the festivities in Cordonia. Sooo … is there somewhere we can talk?”

----------------

“You want me to do what?” Riley jumped up from the sofa, her eyes wide and mouth gaping as she gawked back at Maxwell, who was sitting at the far end. Her trembling hand shot to her forehead before she paced back and forth. “Let me get this straight. You want to sponsor me to compete to marry a man I just met last night? And not just any man, a prince. You’re going to fly me halfway across the world -- You could be the Official Royal Serial Killer, for all I know -- then prance me around like some beauty pageant contestant?  And all I have to do is say ‘yes to the dress’ that you can’t afford? Just hop right on a plane with two strange men, huh? How naïve do I look to you?” Riley paused for a second. “Don’t answer that.”

“I’m not doing it for you. I saw how Liam looked at you last night at the bar, and later when he returned from your date. I’ve never seen him that happy before. Honestly, I don’t want him to lose that. We’re kinda crunched for time, though. I’ve got a plane leaving in an hour.”

“An hour?” Riley questioned as she plopped down on the coffee table, her back to Maxwell and the guy in the chair across the room who hadn’t said a word the whole time. It was a once-in-a-lifetime offer to travel somewhere new and exciting and literally rub elbows with royalty. To live out that fairytale that most girls could only dream of. But more importantly, it was a way to see Liam again, and she wanted to so badly … if Maxwell was indeed telling the truth. 

Even if nothing came of it, there was no job tying her down anymore. Her dad had just gotten married to her stepfather and stayed busy as a chef for Beyonce and Jay-Z, so he would be fine, and she had enough money in savings to pay her portion of the rent while she was gone and expenses for her travels. There was just one thing she would insist on.

Riley spun around on the table, her eyes flashing between the two men. “I will do this -- on one condition.”

Maxwell clapped his hands excitedly. “Yes! Just name it and it’s yours.”

“Max.” Rashad leaned forward in his chair, his elbows pressed into his knees. “You don’t even know what she wants yet.”

“I’m getting to that.” Maxwell turned to her with an arched brow. “Okay, Riley. What is your condition?”

She hadn’t even asked Alyssa yet, but Riley steepled her fingers and volunteered her, anyway. “My roommate has to go with me.”

“No problemo.”

“What -- Really?”

“Sure. She can ride the jet back with us and I’ll even help her find a good hotel room nearby so you two can visit … if you’re able to find time in between all the competitions, balls, traveling, lessons, and what not. It’ll be great!”

Riley shook her head adamantly, not willing to budge on the issue. “No! I want Alyssa there for all of those things. If I even have the slightest chance of being a serious contender and a fully functioning human being, I need someone there to make sure I don’t do anything stupid … and I will … a lot.  Plus, she’s my best friend, and I’m not doing this without her.”

Feeling the pressure to relent and the seconds ticking away until takeoff, Maxwell’s shoulders slumped, taking in Riley’s pleading expression. “I -- I don’t know what to do. Your friend would have to be sponsored also in order to stay with you. She would have to be a suitor and compete for Liam’s hand just like you and all the other ladies, and there can only be one sponsee for each noble house. If you’re our pick, then she would need to have someone of nobility who doesn’t have a suitor yet and knows it’s all a ... ruse …” he trailed off, grinning impishly, as an idea suddenly popped into his head. Maxwell’s gaze swept across the room and landed on his friend, Rashad, who had a deer-in-the-headlights look, knowing exactly what he was getting at.

“Oh no. Leave me out of this,” he insisted while waving his hands back and forth. “This is all on you, Maxwell.”

“No, don’t say that yet.” Riley sprang to her feet and grabbed a picture frame from a nearby table, falling to her knees in front of Rashad to beg. “This is Alyssa.” She cheerfully pointed her friend out in the picture, delighted when the Lord of Domvallier’s eyes grew and seemed more than intrigued. “She’s not only beautiful, charming, and supportive, but she’s the smartest person I know. Everyone just loves her. And even though she won’t want to win because of me, she’ll represent your house with the greatest of integrity and propriety. I swear it.” 

“It’s for Liam,” Maxwell interjected, wagging his brows. “Imagine how grateful he’ll be when he finds out your part in making this happen for him.”`

Rashad let out a heavy groan. “Max, you know I would do anything for a friend -- especially Liam -- but it’s not that simple. There’s a reason why Domvallier opted not to have a suitor join this season: I have business dealings in California that coincide with some of the competitions. And with Mother’s and Father’s health in decline, I couldn’t possibly burden them with traveling and overseeing a suitor. It just wouldn’t work.”

Riley turned to Maxwell. “Well … couldn’t she just hang out with us most of the time? It’s not like she’d be in it to win it, anyway.”

“I don’t see why not.” Maxwell shrugged. “We all travel and stay together for the most part anyway.” He glanced over at Rashad, who could do nothing but stare at the two of them bouncing like eager children with big cheshire grins, while he literally decided the fate of a woman who had no idea she had just been volunteered to “pretend” compete for the hand of a prince the entire summer, in another country, and had to board a plane in just under an hour.

Rashad sighed and took the photo from Riley’s hand, giving it a quick glance. He was definitely smitten by the bright, blue-eyed woman with the big dimpled smile and wouldn’t mind getting to know her better, particularly if she was everything described to him. “I should have gone with Drake back to the plane.” He shook his head and handed the photo back to Riley. “Can’t believe I’m doing this, but --” 

Before he even finished his thought, Maxwell and Riley leaped to their feet to celebrate, whooping and howling around him, ruffling his jet black hair, hugging, and clapping him several times on the chest.

“What’s going on?”

The three of them whipped their heads around at the raspy-sounding voice that caught their attentions.

“Lyss!” Riley’s eyes lit up at the sight of her best friend standing there; she couldn’t wait to share all the good news with her. Maxwell, and particularly Rashad’s, jaws dropped at the sight before them. They both did a double take of the picture in the frame and then back to the petite brunette who wore a rumpled party dress, was missing one flat shoe, and sported smudged mascara under her sunken eyes and hair flying in every direction.

Riley moved over to Alyssa, placing a gentle hand on her arm with a smile. “Alyssa. These gentlemen are from Cordonia -- It’s somewhere you need a plane ride for. This is Lord Maxwell Beaumont.” She gestured and received a wave back. “And this is Lord Rashad of Doberman Pinscher,” she stated in a posh accent.

“Domvallier,” he corrected, stunned and still unable to take his eyes off his new suitor.

“Lords?” she questioned in a feeble tone; Riley nodded back at her.

Alyssa smiled at the two strangers, then lowered her head and curtsied like she was wearing a ball gown before them. “How do you do? Welcome to House Devereaux-Brooks. It’s so kind of you to stop by and make our acquaintances. Please do make yourselves at home.” She straightened back up and immediately turned to Riley. “I’m dying. Where’s the Advil?”

Riley insisted Alyssa have a seat while she retrieved the Advil and a glass of water for her. Feeling that was a fair deal, Alyssa stumbled over to the couch, accidentally stepping on Maxwell, who held onto her arms and helped her the rest of the way. When she was seated, she leaned forward, rubbing soothing circles around her temples, willing the room to stop spinning. Riley shuffled back with two pills and a cool bottle of water, and handed them to Alyssa, who hastily threw back and chugged nearly the entire thing. She couldn’t remember a time when she felt so thirsty.

No one knew really how to respond just yet. Rashad conferred in hushed tones with Maxwell, as Alyssa kept her eyes closed for a moment, taking in slow, deep breaths. Everything from head to toe ached and throbbed. 

Finally, she smacked her still-dry mouth and announced, “Okay, I’m going back to bed. Goodnight, everyone. It was so nice to meet you all.” She moved to the edge of the sofa when Riley pressed lightly on her shoulders, holding her back.

“Wait a minute, Lyss. I have something I want to talk to you about.”

Lowering the shades in the living room to block the sun from Alyssa’s sensitive eyes, Riley began to explain how she met Liam at the bar last night and was asked to go out for a drink with him. Alyssa nodded her head slowly as she followed along, somewhat remembering their phone conversation about the date, how he was a prince, and the Statue of Liberty -- Lyss was proud of herself for being a part of making that happen. The next of their conversation continued on to Liam returning to his country for the social season in which he was expected to find someone to marry by the end of the summer. “I’m so sorry he had to leave, but what does any of this have to do with you, Ri?” 

Riley glanced over her shoulder. “That’s where these two guys come in.”

Alyssa followed her friend’s gaze then shook her head. “I’m not following.”

“Maxwell wants to sponsor me to travel to Cordonia to compete for Liam. And we leave in an hour. Yay!” She raised her arms in a V, trying to garner excitement from her roommate, knowing she’d probably freak out.

And she did. “YOU CAN’T GO TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY! FOR ALL YOU KNOW THESE GUYS ARE SERIAL KILLERS OR SEX TRAFFICKERS!” Alyssa looked at Rashad and smiled shyly. “Not you, of course.” She then eyed Maxwell. “Probably him.”

“I know, I know. But that’s kinda, sorta where you come in.” Riley’s eyes danced around the room while tugging on the hem of her shirt.

“What do you mean?”

Maxwell checked the time on his phone as Riley laid out the details, point by point, to her friend, who guzzled the last bit of her water as she found out she had basically been enlisted into becoming a suitor as well. Alyssa spit out her water. “WHAT?”

Rashad sighed and looked for paper towels to dry off his lap.

Taking in Alyssa’s bug-eyed stare, Riley scrambled to make the whole situation sound more appealing to her.

“There’s skiing --”

“You know I can’t ski.”

“There’s ice skating --”

“Are you trying to break both of my ankles at the same time?”

“There’s horseback riding --”

“Oh, God, horses?”

“And beaches.”

Alyssa started to complain before stopping herself. “Okay, that doesn’t sound so bad. But still, Ri --”

“Please, Alyssa,” Riley pleaded, her still-small voice just above a whisper. She sat down on the coffee table again, across from her friend, eyes glassy. “I would never ask you to do something so big for me. But, I want you there … I need you there. This … this is the guy, Lyss. He’s the one.”

Seeing the hopeful expression staring back at her, Alyssa’s heart sank. She set aside the empty bottle and leaned forward, placing a compassionate hand on Riley’s. “First of all, you don’t need me. You’re more than capable of doing this on your own. I mean, give yourself a little credit … you landed a prince.” They both let out soft laughs before she continued. “But, secondly, you know I’m a hopeless romantic. So if this is the only way you’ll go … count me in.”

As the two of them hugged and Riley expressed her fervent thanks, Maxwell cleared his throat and interrupted their happy moment. The girls turned to him as he stated, “I hate to break all of this up -- I really do. This is like the totally awesome stuff I live for -- but we’re pressed for time now. Our friend Drake is already on the plane waiting and isn’t above leaving without us.”

“Oh good. Doesn’t he sound like a little ray of sunshine?” Alyssa scoffed, causing Riley to snicker and drawing half a smirk from Rashad.

The guys headed down to the limo while the girls rummaged through their rooms, stuffing as many of their things as they could possibly fit into suitcases and bags. After taking turns getting quick showers, being vigilant of the time, they double checked to make sure they had what they needed for an extended trip, planning to  call friends and family on the drive to the airport to let them know where they would be.

Alyssa slipped on a pair of sunglasses as she stepped into the hallway, while Riley locked the door to their apartment behind them. “And you’re sure this Liam is worth all this?”

Riley regarded her thoughtfully before letting out a contented sigh, “Yeah. He’s worth it.”

Alyssa shrugged and pushed the sunglasses higher on her nose. “Well, if we don’t die, we’ll have a hell of a story to tell.”

-----------

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[ultimatetornshipper]

Daminette December Day 9

@daminette-december2019-2020

And now we’re gonna be sticking with our regular povs. I’m really just making this up as I go along, I stopped using an outline after chapter 2 lmao.

Well it’s working out pretty well so far at least. Now I know I’ve been doing a lot of angsty stuff in the last few chapters so to make up for it I'm giving you a fluff chapter! Or well we’ll see how this goes, but I’ll definitely try to make it fluffy!

Now without further ado, thank you for reading and please enjoy! Xx

Princes and Pedestals

Chapter 9 – Book

Previous

Next

Marinette sat in the silence. She needed to give him time to process, a lot had happened in a short span of time.

Besides, if Cass had anything to do with it they'd get more than enough time alone.

She looked down at their entwined hands. She didn’t mind the physical contact, it was grounded her. It was… nice.

She let her gaze explore the room as he gathered his thoughts. In the far corner was the piano Stephanie was playing earlier. Whatever Cass and Dick were busy with at the desk was now forgotten. Jason’s book lay closed on the mantel of the fireplace. She stared at its spine, something about it looked oddly familiar.

“Marinette,” Damian said, she turned her attention to him, his face was blank, “Do I match the Black Cat Miraculous?”

“Purr-fectly,” she said with a teasing grin, remembering the pun that’d often weaved itself into so many of her conversations. She was surprised to find her heart not clenching at the memory.

That was progress.

He frowned and she realized that now probably wasn’t the best time to pun. She put her other hand on top of their joined hands, “What’s going on in that head of yours, Damian?”

A conflicted look crossed his face and she waited patiently for him to reply.

“It’s just- Okay you said that there are certain requirements to match Cass’s miraculous. Are there requirements for mine? What do you- what are the – how do you match the Black Cat?” he asked, his guard was up.

She felt her smile falter and saw his unease grow. She looked away and rested her gaze on Jason’s book on the mantelpiece. He tried to pull his hand away but she held on.

“Yes, there are requirements for yours,” she said, “You don’t need to worry, though, we don’t ask for backstories in the Order,”

He tensed and she concluded that something about what she said hadn’t been what he wanted to hear.

She looked back at him and saw him studying her intently. She didn’t want to have this conversation, it was too early. But if he asked…

“Marinette, tell me what you know,” she saw the fear in his eyes. He wasn’t ready to tell her what happened to him, he wasn’t ready to share. But telling him that she didn’t know everything would grant him peace of mind.

“True black cat holders are born and surrounded by danger, destruction and… death. Areas of war or where there was a war often produce true holders of the Black Cat. Orphanages and places with a lot of outlaw activity also usually have quite a few. But how strongly one matches with Plagg, how strong their counterpart matches with Tikki and how strongly the rest of the court matches with their kwami… it all effects each other,”

He sat back and stared at the ceiling, “You said Cass matches Nooroo perfectly and if the court and the- I mean were you just punning or do I and do you...?”

She stared at him and squeezed his hand, “My Court - Our Court, we all match our miraculous perfectly, Damian, but you and Cass aren’t the only ones whose miraculous require having a… darker story. I have an entire court full of holders. Many of them would probably understand better than you imagine,”

He sighed, closing his eyes, he shook his head, “You don’t understand,”

“You don’t have to tell me. You can tell me when you’re ready, and if you’re never ready, that’s okay too,” she said, “It’s your story, Damian, who you share it with is a choice only you can make, okay?”

He studied her as though he was committing her face to memory. He swallowed and broke eye contact. After a few more moments of silence he nodded slowly, “Okay,”

She looked around the room, the book on the mantel catching her eye again. It felt really familiar, she was certain she’d seen it before today.

She stood, letting go of Damian’s hand, she made her way to Jason’s book. She picked it up and ran her finger across the spine as she recognized it.

Marinette looked at Damian, meeting his curious gaze. She was certain that he knew about this.

She held the book up and gave him a teasing smile, “Look me up?”

His cheeks turned pink, “No-,” he cleared his throat and lowered his voice, “Jason-,”

She laughed and sat down next to him again, “It’s quite alright, Damian, if there was a book on you guys I'd read it too. But this book won’t help you much, it looks like a lot but you barely learn anything that’s not already public knowledge. You’re much better off just asking me,”

She put the book off to the side and turned to him, “So what do you want to know?”

He narrowed his eyes but smiled too, “Why should I believe anything you say?”

She laughed again, “Well I was hoping that as you future wife you'd just take my word for it,”

He met her gaze, his tone serious, “Trust is earned,”

“Now, on that, we can both agree,” she said, cocking her head, “So let’s start slowly. What’s your favorite color?”

“Green,”

They spent the afternoon together, talking about nothing and everything all at once.

He played her some piano and she sung along. They joked and laughed and got to know one another.

He told her about all the trivial details of his life, lighthearted stories of his family and friends while she returned the favor. They hung out until Alfred called them downstairs for dinner.

And honestly? Marinette couldn’t recall a day when she had felt so normal. 

Taglist:

@animegirlweeb @loysydark @toodaloo-kangaroo @forgottenfriends @wolf-for-life @heyitsbugette @f-rget-lt @fusser90 @editorofeverything @thenillabean

[yanderepuck]

The mansion in the 21st century

For the sake of our sanity we are going assume they are all still alive in the 21st century since we don't know when everyone was turned (just that Will was first)

We're also gonna pretend that Sebas is still around(I don't think he'd accept being a vampire???? But for the sake of this he's gonna be here)

Arthur is his full whore self and is with guys and gals. He put the bi in bitch

Leonardo is also bi(historically there's no record of him ever being with a woman)

Imagine the shit posts on social media

Arthur has an Instagram and he posts about everyone's life, even using their names, but no one takes it series

A few times a week Arthur does something called "where is Leonardo sleeping today?"

Vincent uses tiktok for art

Theo has been able to get in contact with more artists all over and be able to sell their art. It's made it a lot easier for him and even though it's a lot more work he enjoys it

Dazai is also a shit poster, only he asks weird things that keep you up at night

But Dazai also publishes short stories. Probs has a blog.

I could also see Dazai basically running an animal shelter in the back yard. He gives off Disney princess vibes. Only it's like ducks, a bunch of birds. A horse or two and some sheep.

Will has probably moved back into the mansion since everything he has done has been forgotten by society.

He finds it odd how kids in schools study is plays and have to analyze it. He's just like "everyone's gay and every other line is a dick joke???" But he still doesn't speak normal.

LEONARDO GOT BACK INTO PAINTING.

Leonardo and Vinc would both have a tik tok and Instagram to show off their work and their hella popular

Isaac wanted to keep a low profile, but since the internet isn't face to face with people, he's able to publish his findings without having to actually deal with society. He's just social awkward okay

Sebastian also has a blog. He calls everyone his roommates and he's like "you'll never guess what my roommate did today"

Arthur collects mugs.

During that Italian hand meme, everyone paid more attention to Leonardo to see how often he does it

He does it too often and he doesn’t realize it

At some point Dazai HAS yelled “DO IT FOR THE VINE”

He was probably yelling at Theo

Want to know whats really dangerous?

Shakespeare learning modern slang

No one in the mansion knows what he’s talking about in the first place.  Then suddenly he goes “For never was a story of more woe.  O bard Alexa, play us  Despacito”(I will not take credit for that.  I remember reading that phrase LONG ago)

Isaac says “Me” “Same” and “Mood” a lot

He sees garbage on the ground and goes “It’s me”

Dazai is into anime don’t @ me

Also. Napoleon is also bi as all hell

Drunk or not him and Sebas have made lip contact at least once

Imagine what Mozart could do with music now.

He still loves his piano.  Nothing is better than physically playing an instrument

He probs went viral for a hot minute when Arthur posted a video of him playing piano

Comte is even more of a tired mom.

HE’D SO BE A PINTEREST PERSON

You know how people make board for their friends?

He does that with everyone in the mansion

I honestly know nothing about Jean and Napoleon.  I’m sorry for their lack of content. Plz add things for them.

Imagine everyone playing Mario Kart

Not every week because they all have lives outside the mansion.  But at least once a month they have a game night

None of them are really TV people.  They’ll watch movies but that’s about it

They’d all watch documentaries on themselves, and point out everything that is wrong, and even be like “where the fuck did they get that from?”

Because I have watched documentaries on him.  Often a Da Vinci documentary will mention was arrest with sleeping with another guy.  The rest of the guys are waiting for him to call that  bullshit and he’s just sitting there eating popcorn.

Meanwhile Will is in the back like “Eyy! Me too!”

“Did that really happen?”

“What?  Me getting arrested?  Yeah”

“No, well yes, but did you sleep with another guy?”

“Yeah”

“Was he worth it?”

“I don’t know which one their talking about”

Chaotic bisexuals everywhere

Arthur however has watched the BBC Sherlock series. 

Arthur and Dazai would probs watch the most tv out of all of them.

I say this cause Dazai would be into anime and Arthur got hooked on NCIS

Arthur write quite a bit of short stories that he’s gotten published

Will would love that goddamn Leonardo DiCaprio version of Romeo and Juliet.  I hate that movie with a passion

Also, I can’t imagine how many jokes they’ve managed to come up with about Leonardo DiCaprio to Leonardo.

If Arthur and Mozart can stay up for days with coffee, imagine what an energy drink would do to them

All of them in modern fashion???? HOT DAMN

Will likes the Titanic 

I see Theo being the one that’s into MARVEL and DC movies

Imagine showing Vinc Bob Ross

Leonardo and Isaac are Tony Stark(Ironman) and Bruce Banner(Hulk)

Everyone in the mansion is into conspiracy theories .

Comte himself is a conspiracy theory 

One night Napoleon is like “Guys.  Look.  Aliens” and they all watch conspiracy theory videos.

It’s the one thing they can all agree on that they have in common

Vinc and Leonardo also enjoy pinterest  because of all the art/crafting/diy things they find.

Arthur 100% listens to ebooks

THE MANSION IS A POKEMON GO GYM.  But they aren’t all on the same team so battling can get serious some days

They all still have pets

Honestly.  At any point in time, not just modern.  They made fun of each others accents.

Lets be real.  Will would end up liking anime too

SNapchat filters on the guys??  The dog filter on Theo??? Flower crown on Vinc???  Face swapping everyone with everyone???

One of them is bound to have a candle obsession and I want to say its Comte.  Only he buys them and doesn’t burn them.  Sebas ends up slowly taking candles from the stash and burning them in a few rooms.

The music room smells like chocolate but Mozart can’t find the candle.

Leonardo's room is even more cluttered.  He has too many hobbies.

Vinc making his own paint???  I’d love.

Theo and Arthur cried a little when their favorite bar shut down.

Masterlist

[aion-rsa]

Bo Burnham: Inside Songs Ranked from Worst to Best

https://ift.tt/2JMbiJl

The musical of the summer was supposed to be a life-affirming celebration of one of New York’s most vibrant neighborhoods, full of color, romance, and big group dance numbers. Instead for many viewers, the musical of the moment was filmed and performed by one man, alone in isolation from the comfort (or discomfort, really) of his own home, with songs centered on techno paranoia, mental health, and the fear of aging. Maybe after a year stuck in their homes, audiences could relate to the existential dread and general anxiety on display in Bo Burnham: Inside more than a conventional movie musical.

Billed as a stand-up special, Burnham’s latest musical comedy endeavor finds the former wunderkind holed up and feeling more uncomfortable than ever. Writing, editing, directing, and performing from a claustrophobic studio, Burnham’s stand-up special skews more toward being a straight-up musical, and not because the special is light on jokes and missing an audience. Rather this has all the hallmarks of a musical narrative and plays closer to experimental cinema than sketch comedy.

Burnham expresses his characters’ inner-thoughts, fears, and desires via song throughout a contained narrative, in this case the narrative being one man trying to occupy himself during a pandemic. It has ballads, charm songs, comedy numbers, “I Am” and “I Want” songs, and a big reprise. By capturing his personal pandemic experience and putting the whole affair to song, Burnham has created one of the most compelling (and catchy!) accounts of life during 2020.

To celebrate the musical that we all needed after a year in our homes, we’ve decided to rank every song from Bo Burnham: Inside. You can stream along via the Inside (The Songs) album on the streaming platform of your choice.

20. I Don’t Wanna Know

Merely an interlude, “I Don’t Wanna Know” doesn’t quite work outside of watching the special itself. However, it is a clever way to address the fact that modern audiences do not have the attention span to sit through a film at home without checking their phone or complaining about a runtime.

19. Bezos II

While certainly meant to poke fun at the real-life Lex Luthor, it’s not that fun to listen to Bezos’ name repeated. Stil, Burnham does elicit a few laughs with his over-the-top mock congratulations. “You did it!”

18. Any Day Now

A Sesame Street-like mantra that plays over the credits, “Any Day Now” suggests this could all end either hopefully soon or on a depressingly vague far-off date that will never come. We’d like to think it’s the former, but it’s safe to assume what Bo thinks.

17. All Time Low

While this number gets docked points for its short runtime, it absolutely packs a punch with its four-line, single verse. After Bo admits that his mental health is rapidly deteriorating, he describes what it’s like to have a panic attack set to a chipper ‘80s dance backbeat. Unfortunately, we don’t get to ride the wave long enough, and judging lyrics, that’s probably a good thing for Bo.

16. Content

This strong opening number musically sets the vibe for Inside, letting us know that we’re in for some synth-heavy throwback beats that would be best listened to underneath a disco ball.  Also incorporating silly backing vocals, a hallmark of many of Inside’s best tracks, Burnham declares he’s back with some sweet, sweet content. “Daddy made you your favorite,” he sings, and he ain’t wrong. 

15. Bezos I

Unlike the reprise in “Bezos II,” “Bezos I” gets by off its increasingly deranged energy, with Burnham roasting fellow tech billionaires and working himself up into a manic frenzy by song’s end. Musically, it sounds like the soundtrack to an intense boss battle on a Sega Genesis game before ending with a sick little synth solo and Burnham hilarious squawking. It’s arguably the only acceptable thing that Bezos has ever been associated with.

14. Unpaid Intern

While “Unpaid Intern” is one of Inside’s shortest tracks, it absolutely makes the most of its time. The jazzy tune scorches the exploitative nature of unpaid internships before Burnham breaks out into a laugh-out-loud worthy scat routine. It unfortunately ends too soon.

13. Shit

Inside’s funkiest jam sounds like Burnham wrote the lyrics for a new Janelle Moane album cut. Bo show’s off his vocal dexterity and plumbs the depths of his depression in a surprisingly danceable fashion. Throwing in a little faux crowd interaction helps bring home the fact that we have all felt like this at one point or another during the pandemic.

12. Sexting

This slow-jam details the complications of sexting, throwing out hilariously too-true punchlines like “the flash makes my dick look frightened.” “Sexting” feels like one of a few songs that could most easily appear on previous Burnham specials. Proving that Inside’s musical textures do not come exclusively from ’80s synth pop, the outro of the song expertly mirrors modern pop trends by throwing in some trap-influenced “yahs” at the end of Bo’s lines.

Read more

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By David Crow

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What Would a Queen’s Gambit Musical Look Like?

By Alec Bojalad

11. How the World Works

Influenced by comedian Hans Teeuwen and children’s entertainment in general, “How the World Works” finds Burnham going back to the well by playing the ignorant, smarmy white guy who is oblivious of the real issues plaguing nonwhite Americans. What’s even better though is Socko calling Burnham out on forcing others to educate him for his own self-actualization instead of doing the work on his own for the betterment of others.

Socko pointedly asks “Why do you rich f—— white people insist on seeing every socio-political conflict through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?” Not to keep things too heavy, the song ends with an absurdist bit where Burnham returns Socko to the nether place that he goes when he’s not attached to Burnham’s hand. Scathing and bizarre, it’s a great piece of social commentary. 

10. FaceTime With My Mom

While most of the music of Inside feels directly transported from the 1980s, “FaceTime With My Mom” seems only inspired by the past decade’s musical trends, updating the sounds in much of the same way that the Weeknd and Dua Lipa have. This is Bo Burnham as a hitmaker, and his attempt is convincing. “FaceTime With My Mom” earns easy laughs by getting to the seemingly specific, yet universal things that all our moms do over video chat. 

9. Goodbye

Every good musical needs a good closing track, and Burnham nails it with “Goodbye,” pulling off a reprise that weaves in many of the special’s signature musical moments and touches on the special’s core themes. A forlorn piano ballad before it soars through Inside’s best motifs, “Goodbye” caps a triumphant musical achievement, coming back to “Look Who’s Inside Again” just to punch you in the gut one last time. 

8. Problematic

Addressing his past work and some aspects that have not aged well, while also skewering celebrity apologies, “Problematic” is self-aware critique by way of an ‘80s workout bop. From the specific Aladdin confession to the overall apology for being “vaguely shitty,” Bo has never made accountability sound so good.

7. That Funny Feeling

This is Bo Burnham’s version of Father John Misty’s “Holy Shit,” a laundry list of all the stupid things that are signaling the fall of culture and civilization as we know it. If Misty hadn’t gotten there first, we may have had this one ranked higher. Still, Burnham manages to come up with a sticky chorus that you’ll be humming the next time something makes you feel like you’re living in the uncanny valley.

6. White Woman’s Instagram

Perhaps the special’s most playful moment, “White Woman’s Instagram” uses the musical cues of an inspiring empowerment anthem to poke fun at the predictably, perfectly curated feed of a “girl boss” Instagram. The song is greatly enhanced by the accompanying visuals, which find Bo recreating the meticulously staged and glamorous portraits that women pass off as their everyday lives.

However, Bo always likes to sneak in some sentimentality, and imagines a genuinely heartfelt post to his white woman character’s deceased mother. Don’t worry, the emotional moment doesn’t overstay its welcome, and we’re soon back to laughing at horribly derivative political street art.

5. All Eyes on Me

The droning synth and pitch-down vocals make “All Eyes On Me” oddly hypnotic and beautiful. The song seems to be addressing Bo’s depression along with his need for validation and attention, a juxtaposition that many performers deal with. It becomes clear that Burnham isn’t addressing an invisible audience, but himself, trying to will himself up and out of his dreary mental state.

4.  Look Who’s Inside Again

A classic “I Am” musical song, “Look Who’s Inside Again” just may be Inside’s most emotionally resonant track that seems to hit closest to who Bo Burnham was and who he is today. This is the song that I will most likely regret the most for ranking so low.

“Well, well, look who’s inside again. Went out to look for a reason to hide again,” perfectly describes the cycle of depression and will, for me, be the special’s most lasting moment. The downbeat ending “come out with your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded” is heartbreaking enough to send a shudder down your spine.

3. Comedy

The special’s real first number is absolutely packed with hooks, from the “Call me and I’ll tell you a joke” bridge to the “Should I be joking at a time like this?” change-up. This is Bo really flexing how far he’s come as a musician, expertly utilizing autotune and a key change (us “stupid motherf***ers” can’t resist them).

“Comedy” also finds Bo comfortably in the lane that we’re most used to seeing him in, playing the egomaniacal white messiah with a wink. “Comedy” is the tone-setter and it’s so good that it lets you know that you’re in good hands for the next hour plus.

2. 30

Either I’m ranking this song too highly due to its personally relatable nature or the fact that I haven’t been able to get “All my stupid friends are having stupid children” out of my head, but I really don’t care. “30” is Inside’s biggest earworm and addresses the existential terror that comes with no longer getting pats on the back for being a young wunderkind.

“30” also examines generational differences, showing how 30 year-old people are more infantile than ever. However, at the end of the day it all comes back to those shimmering keys and that irresistible refrain. Apologies to my friends with children.

1. Welcome to the Internet

No matter how deep and emotionally rich some of Inside’s other tracks may be, “Welcome to the Internet” is the one that will live on the longest. If this were a traditional musical, this would the antagonists’ showstopper; a vaudevillian romp through the alluring chaos that is the internet. Speeding up and slowing down the pace to mirror the manic, addictive nature of surfing the net, Burnham pitches the negative aspects of online culture as they are: a feature, not a bug. Promising “a little bit of everything all of the time,” “Welcome to the Internet” is almost as enticing as the dark tool itself.

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[angelicspaceprince]

Random Beetlejuice HCs.

Random Beetlejuice headcanons (there are some sad ones about how he died at the end of the SFT stuff, soz all). Also there is some stuff that is AFAB but not AMAB, I’ll work on that later. TW: Suicide, depression, self-harm talk.

SFT:

Is a hand holder. He needs to hold your hand whenever people are around to centre himself but also to show the world that you’re his and to just know that he is loved and to make sure you know you are loved

Really bad social skills and a horrid sense of personal space

Is a literal ball of anxiety and is a stimmer

Rocks in a ball when things ever overwhelming and flaps his hands when nervous

You get him a fidget toy that he uses so much it breaks within a month, so you have a steady supply at hand that he keeps in his pocket always

Is meh on the coffee thing, isn’t a massive tea fan, hot chocolate is where it’s at!

Actually a really good cook? He watches a ton of cooking Youtube videos when you’re away at work or at friends and ends up taking it up as a hobby

Legit cries when you give him his first gift ever because he’s never received a gift before

The first time you go to family Christmas and they give him a present he has to excuse himself because he just starts crying because these people don’t even know him and they got him a present? What the fuck?

Much to your surprise, he takes up knitting?

It’s a nice way to cool his brain and keep focused without disassociating (which he does often) and the bonus is he gets cute socks out of it?

In his mind, it’s a win win situation

Also he can knit dicks to throw at people, that’s just extra awesome

Can play guitar, piano and saxophone. Often likes to sing to you but the content matter of the songs aren’t always loving (mostly about how he wants to pound you)

Actually not a massive fan of horror movies, they’re so unrealistic that it bugs him

Will make sure that you can’t leave his grasp if he needs a cuddle session on the couch because he needs that contact time

Is really sensitive but will make a joke out of it, so half the time you don’t know if he isn’t offended or if he is and he’s just hiding it

You come home one day and suddenly there is just….a dog in your house?

“His name is Sandy, he is a black Labrador and he is our son now.”

Absolutely shocking handwriting. Just. Abysmal. You can’t make it out, so now its just become some weird game of Pictionary whenever he leaves a note for you that isn’t the phrase ‘I love you’.

Is super messy (obviously) but if you tell him to clean up, he will

If you do the dishes together (the only way you can get him to help clean up after cooking), he does the drying up because he does not want to shove his hands into hot soapy water, no thank you

When he dances, its not the timid, shy dancing you see when people aren’t dancing in a group. Its full on, full body, the entire house is his stage kinda dancing. And its arguably pretty good

Even when he gets you to dance what clearly isn’t a proper tango, but it’s fun none the less.

Really sensitive about suicide and self-harm, because he’s been there

Think about it, he was Juno’s assistant (movie, not musical, I know) which means he was a public servant which means he committed suicide

Given the way that everyone who has died carries on how they died into the afterlife through their looks from the moment they died, we can reason that Beetlejuice looks exactly like how he did when he died

The moss and hair and mildew and just the general damp look he seems to carry makes me think that he was either drunk, fell over and drowned in a puddle or lake or it was a calculated move and he killed himself to get away from his mother or just general demons

So yeah, if you self-harm or talk about killing yourself, he takes that very personally because you deserve better than that, and he’ll be damned if you kill yourself on his watch

It takes him a while to admit to you what happened and how he died, and it most definitely happens when you’re both drunk, but you remember what he says and whenever he talks about his childhood because its horrible and always ends with you holding him close because he clearly needs that shit

NSFT

Our boy here is such a switch

There are days where he needs to absolutely dominate the shit out of you, controlling every aspect of what happens, including when, where and how you cum

But sometimes he just needs to be taken care of and to obey every order you give him

Has tried every single kink and only a few of them are a hard no in his books

But if he had to limit it to his top 5-10 they’d be: Mommy/Daddy Kink, Puppy Kink, Cum Inflation (or anything to do with cum really), edge play, cock warming, anything that ends with either of you having a tummy bulge due to a toy, cock or just the sheer amount of cum that’s in you, humiliation, public sex, impact play and adduction/consensual non-consensual play

Rarely asks for you to be a sub for 24 hours, but he’s happy to be in puppy space or in sub space for days or even weeks if you so want or if he needs

Can give himself blowjobs

Also enjoys having his clones get in on the fun and to mess with you throughout the day if he knows he can get away with it

So. Many. Dick. Pics.

Just. Constantly sending you photos of his junk because he can

Sex is rarely serious unless you’re in a scene where that is required. If you two are just fooling around, it’s full of puns and laughter

Wearing stripes turns him on, wearing his clothes even more so

Lingerie to him is wearing his oversized hoodies and a pair of striped panties

Really good at shibari

If you’re in public and aren’t paying attention to him, he will slide a hand up towards your crotch and just push his way inside and start fingering you until you cum as quietly as you possibly can before sucking his fingers clean with a grin because ‘you should have been paying attention’

Massive case filled with toys that seem endless, almost like the perverted version of Mary Poppins’ bag

Likes to put toys in you when he’s in dom mode and make you wear them in public all day whilst he’s at home controlling the vibrator settings, just to see how much you can take

He. Will. Eat. You. Out. And is the king of it. And is proud of that fact

Aftercare is a must between the two of you, and due to his abandonment issues you can’t leave during aftercare time. You can during a scene if you tell him where you’re going and why but afterwards, he needs you there without interruption until he’s fully recovered. Both in dom and sub mode

Safe word is bath, for obvious reasons

You managed to get him in the shower once to tell him it’s a kink of yours to fuck in the shower and he was down for that. Didn’t work a second time, but he got the picture. BATHE

Has, on more than one occasion, made his dick stripy to surprise you and it always ends with you going no. Just no.

Produces an extreme amount of cum, it should be illegal and inhuman, which incidentally, he is

Can make his cock grow, swell, shrink, whatever you need on his command and he loves when he’s being cockwarmed to make his cock grow whenever you shift or move as punishment

Sometimes, in sub space, if he’s feeling needy and you need to work, you get him to sit in your chair and you sit on him. If he moves without warning, you make it to leave but he whines and promises to be good. If he says ‘I just need to adjust’ or whatever, then you won’t move if he starts to shift

IS. INTO. PRAISE. KINK

PRAISE THIS BOY

SO MUCH!

If you praise him well enough in sub space, he will cum without being touched and that, at the end of the day, is the goal

Really fucking low refectory period, like we are talking seconds

He’s not a one go type of guy, if you guys be fucken, you guys be fucken for hours

Has done stretches before sex to make you laugh and roll your eyes

Bought glow in the dark condoms once and surprised you with it

Most of the time, he will hold hands with you in some way as you fuck

Falls asleep within seconds of finishing and holds onto you so tight you can’t escape to pee or do whatever you need to do

Favourite positions: Doggy style, you riding his face or him or up a wall/on a counter

Claims you’re his favourite meal and that he has saved the best seat in the house which is his lap or his face

Most DEFINITELY as left you tied up in a room with a vibe pressed firmly on your clit to see how many times you can cum. He’s just outside the door, you both just like it when he acts as if he has left you alone to ‘suffer’

[matrixaffiliate]

Endeavor

Chapter Update! FFN and AO3

Next chapter goes up on August 28th. I promise this story ends happily!

Chapter 5

Ted sat at the family Christmas gathering moping. He would deny it aloud, but even he knew that he was moping.

"Hey," Aunt Bridget sat down next to him and smiled, "Why so glum-looking?"

Ted shook his head, "I was an idiot and I got myself burned."

"With work?"

"No, with a girl."

Aunt Bridget smiled at him and Ted almost told her that if she wanted to laugh at him, she could do so without him present, but then she pulled him into a hug.

"I think that this runs in our family. Look at your Uncle James and Aunt Lily. They talk all the time about how they ran around each other for years before they finally figured themselves out. Sirius and Marlene say they took longer than the Potter's to admit they were more than just friends with benefits. Your dad thought he was ruining your mum's life at first. And I was dating someone else when Peter met me."

Ted's head shot up. "You were dating someone when you met Uncle Pete?

Bridget smiled, "Yeah, I was with another bloke, and looking back I feel like a fool for having stayed with him for as long as I did. Peter was who I needed to be with from the get-go."

"What, what changed?" Ted picked at the Christmas cookie crumbs on Aunt Lily's table cloth.

"We both did. I had to realize that there could be other people out there for me other than the bloke I had settled for to date…"

"Who're you dating?" Uncle Peter sat down next to Aunt Bridget.

"I was telling Teddy here about when we met." Bridget smiled at him.

Peter laughed, "You know, that was by far the hardest experience of my life."

"How, how did you get through it?" Ted tried to not sound as interested or as desperate as he felt.

"James," Peter smiled and looked over at where James was telling his granddaughter a story that involved pantomiming something rather bizarre-looking, causing Lily to shake with laughter. "James told me that I didn't need to give up. He pointed out how he and Lily had to wait for the right time, and that I probably would too with Bridget if it was going to happen for us. Every time I thought of giving up, James would remind me that I might just need to wait for my time."

"Why did you listen to him?" Ted held his uncle's stare.

Peter smiled and put a hand on his arm, "I knew, Ted. I knew the moment I saw Bridget that she was it. No matter how many times I tried to move on to someone else, which, believe me, there were several attempts made, I always came back to her."

"You're going to make me cry," Bridget kissed Peter's cheek and he chuckled.

"Look, Ted, whoever you're hung up on, give yourself some time, maybe try and move on, but if it doesn't work, then listen to James. Don't give up on her, just wait it out."

Ted nodded, and then Uncle Sirius was yelling at everyone to sing because Remus didn't learn to play the bloody piano so they could all just sit and listen to him.

Ted chuckled as he joined in the caroling. He was pretty sure that wanting to play without people singing was exactly why his dad had learned to play the piano.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Ted couldn't avoid the business planning meetings with Vic after the new year, but he did better at keeping them more business-focused, and he stopped hanging around with Vic after they were finished. He did force himself to stop working from home under the guise of meeting with clients, even though that seemed like the easy way out. And he started spending weekends out doing things with Nicki or with Kalil and Maira or visiting his parents. Ted never could bring himself to mention Nicki to Vic though. He could never seem to get the words out.

Overall, he was ok.

At least that's what he kept telling himself. Because he was quickly finding out that maybe he had more in common with Uncle Peter than he ever thought he would. No matter how many evenings he spent out with Nicki, Ted still spent his nights wondering about Vic and thinking about the next time he'd get to see her. It was torturous, and Ted felt like a dick on all fronts for it.

"Have you two set a date then?" Ted asked Vic at the end of January. He was starting to wonder if she just wasn't going to tell him when her wedding was. She'd been engaged for over a month now.

Vic looked down at her keyboard and pursed her lips as she took a deep breath in through her nose. "Sean isn't sure yet."

Ted blinked. "Er, does, does he have things going on this year?"

"No." Vic frowned and gripped her hands together.

"Okay, then," Ted, again, wanted to pummel Sean.

What kind of arse wouldn't set a date with the woman he asked to marry him? And Ted was finally at the point where he wanted to scream at Vic. Why was she putting up with this? Why wouldn't she stand up for herself? Why couldn't she see she was worth more than Sean's crap?

"I just," Vic's voice cracked and Ted looked up to see tears slipping down her perfect cheeks.

"Hey," Ted wheeled his desk chair next to her and put an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Vic covered her face with her hands. "You don't need to be worried about this."

Ted took a deep breath. "Vic, I'm your friend and I'm here if you need me. You obviously need someone to talk to, and if you want it to be me, I'm here."

Vic wrapped her arms around his middle and buried her face in his blue dress shirt as she cried.

Don't be that guy, Kalil's voice rang in his mind, but Ted told him to shut up. Vic was upset and she needed someone she could turn to. If it could be him, why the freak not?

"I just don't understand what's happening. I thought things were going alright and ever since he proposed I feel like we've been completely off-kilter and at odds with each other. It's been horrible and he won't set a date and my mum is starting to worry and I just…" She hiccuped and started to sob harder.

"Hey," Ted pulled Vic closer and tried not to think about how right it felt to hold her. "I know it feels awful now, but I'm sure if you talk to him about it, you'll figure it out."

She shook her head, "He doesn't like it when I try to talk about things like this."

Ted bit his tongue to keep from saying what a prick he thought Sean was.

"Come on," Ted stood up and pulled her up with him. "We're skiving off for a bit. You need some cheering up, I don't have any calls, and I'm sure whatever you've got left for the day can wait for tomorrow."

Vic wiped her eyes, "Are you being serious?"

Ted chuckled at the joke she didn't know. "I'm not joking around, forward your desk phone, and grab your coat."

Finally, Vic smiled. "Yeah, alright, that sounds really nice."

Ted grinned. He thought it sounded pretty nice too, and when she was sitting shot-gun in his car again, no god-siblings in sight, Ted thought it sounded more than nice, it was almost perfect.

"Where are we going?" Vic started playing with his radio.

"Surprises aren't surprises if you know beforehand." Ted tsked and smiled at her.

"What about clues?"

Ted rolled his eyes, "You live for clues."

"No, I live for your clues." She laughed, and Ted tried to keep his face in check.

"Alright, a clue: my mum always says there are three things that make everything better. And we're going to get one of those things."

"What are the three things?"

"Really, Weasley, you think I'll just give away that information?" Ted laughed as he switched lanes.

"Fine, then what is a clue for where we're going?"

"You'll be able to speak with the owners."

Vic hit his arm. "That's a ridiculous clue!"

Ted laughed at her pout, so much more playful than her sobbing had been not fifteen minutes ago.

"We've established that I'm ridiculous and you find it endearing. Not to mention, it's actually a very good clue because I can't speak to the owners, just their son."

Vic frowned, "You can't speak to the owners, but you can speak to their son?"

"Yep," Ted grinned as he watched her wheels turn.

"Oh! The owners speak French, don't they?"

"What do you think?" Ted pulled off in front of a little shop that his parents had brought him to since he was a kid. Le Chocolat Expatrié was lit up bright with paper snowflakes in the window and Ted could smell the chocolate from the moment he opened his car door.

Vic's eyes were huge as Ted opened her door.

"I've never been here before. I thought Mum knew every French place in the city."

"I'm full of surprises, Weasley."

Ted hesitated a moment before offering his hand to help her out of his car. She took it instantly, and Ted felt his face break into a small smile.

But the magic was short-lived as Vic let go of his hand as soon as she was out of his car.

"Come on," Ted tried to shrug it off, "you'll love this place. And this is my treat, no arguing about paying for yourself."

Vic's smile was soft and Ted felt the familiar ache in his chest.

"Ok, no arguing."

Jaques stood behind the counter setting fresh chocolates out and Ted waved as he ushered Vic inside.

"Afternoon, Jaques. Can we start with two hot chocolates, please?"

Jaques smiled and nodded at Ted. "Sure thing, I'll have those right up."

"Your folks around? The mademoiselle speaks French, and I told her she might get to speak it today."

Jaques gave Ted a grin that spoke louder than words. "My mum is, I'll see if she's not too busy to come and say bonjour."

Then he nodded to Vic and spoke in French. Vic instantly blushed and licked her lips as she replied. Jaques laughed and said something else before disappearing into the back room.

"He wasn't saying anything he shouldn't, right?" Ted watched Jaques go, wishing he hadn't given up on learning French all those years ago.

"No," Vic bit her lip and toyed with her gloves, "He asked if I was your girlfriend. I told him we were just friends."

Ted chuckled, "Yeah, they're my nosy neighbors, sort of. I've had my hair turquoise since I was eleven, and I've never seen my mum's hair any color but pink, so we stand out in their minds. Plus, we come here a lot."

"Got to get your chocolate fix, Lupin?" Vic chuckled as she sat down at one of the three small tables against the wall.

Ted sat across from her, "I happen to be quite fond of chocolate, at least this chocolate."

Vic laughed, "You say that like you're picky."

"I am, well now at any rate. My Uncle Sirius had a business trip to the States, and for a joke brought us kids some cheap American chocolate. It was rubbish, honestly, our halfpenny chocolate is better. So, I've learned to specify." Ted smiled at Vic's laughter.

"That's a cruel prank to play on children!"

"Uncle Sirius isn't so bad, but he definitely likes a good laugh."

Vic laughed as she slipped her gloves off, but Ted noticed that she left her engagement ring in the finger of her glove.

Ted started to point it out to her, but Madam Rousseau walked out carrying a tray with their hot chocolates.

"Mercí beaucoup," he smiled at the woman who felt a little bit like a great-aunt he couldn't understand or really speak to.

Vic thanked her and then Madame Rousseau pulled a chair over to their little table for two. Ted spent the next fifteen minutes drinking his hot chocolate and listening to Vic speak French.

Not a bad way to pass an afternoon.

Suddenly, Madame Rousseau clapped her hands together and stood before disappearing into the back room.

Vic smiled at him. "She's bringing us some croissants she baked yesterday."

Ted blinked, "Really? They don't sell those." He turned back to the menu board to make sure and found no mentions of croissants anywhere.

Vic laughed, "She baked them for some friends that were visiting from France and is going to let us each have one."

"She must really like you," Ted laughed. "I've never had her give me baked goods."

"What does she normally give you?"

"The chocolate I pay for and a ruffle of my hair." Ted shrugged his shoulders as Vic laughed.

"She likes you," Vic smirked and brought her mug to her lips.

"Think she'll run away with me?"

Vic nearly snorted hot chocolate out her nose and Ted nearly felt bad about it, but he was laughing too hard.

"I hate you," Vic laughed and coughed as she covered her mouth and nose with her napkin.

"No, you don't," Ted gained control of his laughter a fraction more than Vic had as she tried to calm her coughing.

Vic wiped the water from her eyes and smiled that soft smile again.

"You're right, I don't hate you. I think you're a pretty amazing bloke."

Then Madame Rousseau brought out the most delicious tasting croissants he'd ever had and Ted used it as the reason he didn't respond. Because all he wanted to ask was if he was more amazing or less amazing than her fiancé, her fiancé who wouldn't set a wedding date with her.

"This has been really nice, Ted," Vic smiled as she climbed in his car.

"Good," Ted handed her the box of chocolates he had Jaques put together for them. "See, chocolate makes everything better."

"The company helps too."

Ted didn't dare look at her. He couldn't. Everything he wanted to say was sitting just on the tip of his tongue. The fact that over the last six months he'd fallen in love with her, that Ted felt Sean was a poor excuse for a boyfriend, let alone a fiancé, and that Ted wanted to be so much more than her coworker or friend.

But Ted didn't say any of that. Instead, he gestured to the box of chocolates on her lap.

"You should try the hazelnut truffle; those are their best."

Vic was quiet for a moment before Ted heard her open the box and pull out the chocolate.

She hummed happily, "You're right, these are amazing!"

Ted gave her a small smile. This afternoon had been both amazing and torturous, but he was sure of one thing now that it was coming to an end; he couldn't keep doing this, spending time with her away from work, laughing, having fun. It was just too much, too hard to keep his emotions in check, too hard to keep his rule about not touching her, too hard to bite his tongue and not say everything he felt.

He pulled into the car park and tried to keep all those emotions off his face as he looked over at her.

"Thanks," Vic smiled, "I really needed that."

"Sure, I'm glad it helped." Ted gripped the steering wheel, trying to ground himself somehow.

"I need to run back in, I left my wedding binder in the office." Vic undid her seatbelt.

And there it was, the slap in the face of reality.

"Right, I'll, er, I'll see you tomorrow then."

Vic stepped out onto the pavement, "Bye, Ted."

Ted looked up at her smiling face and swallowed, "Bye, Vic."

He watched her walk back into the building before pulling out of the car park and started heading home but changed his mind a few moments later. He turned around and started heading to his parents' home.

"Mum? Dad?" He called as he let himself inside.

"Teddy?" His mum stepped into the hall and nearly knocked over a stack of books on the hall table.

"Hey, Mum, is Dad around too maybe?"

"He just got home and is upstairs changing, is everything alright?"

"I need help." Ted moved to the kitchen table and rested his head in his hands.

A moment later both his parents were sitting on either side of him.

"What's going on, son?" His dad put his hand on his shoulder.

And Ted started the story. How he had known from the beginning that Vic was taken. How he had justified spending time with her for the sake of taking their little corner of the company and turning it into something huge. How he had slowly fallen in love with Vic. How he had hoped she'd someday wake up and realize he was the better man. How Vic had said yes to Sean's proposal. How Uncle Peter's encouragement had been his excuse to keep waiting around. How he had more or less convinced her to skive off the last half of the workday to take her on what felt so much like a date. And how finally, he'd realized he couldn't keep this up. He couldn't keep pretending that he could be her friend and nothing more.

He couldn't keep doing this.

"Teddy, you need to tell her how you feel." His mum took his hand. "She deserves to know how you feel about her. It isn't fair to keep her in the dark like this."

"Sounds great, Mum, and when she shoots me down, then what? Do I just go to work every day and pretend I didn't say anything?" Ted rubbed at the headache that he had come to live with since Vic accepted Sean's proposal.

"Ron did say if you proved yourself, he'd let you transfer into the marketing department for Bread & Butter." His dad pointed out. "Maybe that's an option, and if it isn't, you can always move back here until you get your feet back on the ground."

Ted swallowed. This had suddenly become very real and very raw very fast.

"We'll be here, whatever happens, Teddy." His mum squeezed his hand. "If she decides she doesn't return your feelings, and you don't think you can keep working there, then we'll get you through it. And if she does return your feelings, then we'll be here to support you in that as well."

"Thanks," Ted nodded and tried to push away the dread that was building in his gut.

"How about some dinner?" His dad rubbed his shoulder. "We've got leftover Irish stew from yesterday."

"Thanks," Ted nodded, "That sounds really great right now."

He was still feeling like his world was imploding on itself when he got home that night. And he'd decided to just go to bed when his phone rang.

"Hey, Nicki," Ted sighed.

"Whoa, you alright?"

"Yeah, just a long day." Ted sat down on his bed.

"Well, I might just be your favorite person then."

"Nicki, I'm not going pub hopping on a Thursday."

"No, but you are working a sales job when you'd rather be working a marketing job. And guess who's place of work is opening up a marketing position tomorrow morning?" There was a note of excitement in her voice - like she wanted him to work where she worked. "If you send me your resume, I can give it to the hiring manager first thing tomorrow morning. You'd be on their desk before anyone else."

Ted felt everything in him freeze. This would be the perfect out. He wouldn't even have to ask Ron to move him. He could slide out of all their lives and go back to happily knowing just one Weasley who was now Potter. He could pretend like he never even met Vic. Sure he'd lose out on being Ron's front runner, but knowing now that would most likely mean working with Vic while she went on to marry and start a life with someone else, well that scenario seemed more like torture than a dream.

"Ted, are you there?" Nicki's voice sounded in his ear.

"Er, yeah, sorry, I, er, I just, I'm speechless. Yes, thank you, I'll send you my resume just as soon as we hang up."

"Great! Do you want to go pub hopping tomorrow then? Celebrate that maybe we could get you into your preferred profession?"

Ted tried to chuckle as he lied, "Let's plan on touching base on Saturday, I promised my folks I'd help them out tomorrow after work."

"Sounds like a plan, have fun with your folks, and don't forget to send me that resume."

"I'll send it right over."

"Good, see you soon, Ted."

"Right, g'night."

Ted hung up and opened his laptop to update his resume with working sales with Bread & Butter before sending it off to Nicki. He knew this meant he would need to face his fate soon and he determined it would have to be tomorrow. Tomorrow was Friday, so it would work out that if she shut him down, he'd have the weekend to hide in a hole and die inside. And on that cheery thought, Ted tried to fall asleep.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Ted spent Friday on edge.

He was going to tell Vic at the end of the day. He was going to confess that he loved her, and if she shot him down, he'd work from home on Monday and call Ron to see if he could transfer to the marketing department. Then he'd just work from home until he either got a new job or Ron told him he had to stop - at which point he'd quit and deal with the fallout.

Ted couldn't concentrate. He got nothing done. It was all Ted could do to answer the few calls from his clients. His brain wouldn't even let him play solitaire, and he couldn't manage to joke around with Vic.

Finally, the workday ended.

"Hey, Vic," Ted slipped his laptop into his backpack after he'd forwarded his desk phone to his cell. "Can I, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure," Vic smiled at him as she went to the sink to refill her water bottle.

Ted moved to stand against the refrigerator.

"I, er, I," He took a deep breath, "Vic, I'm in love with you."

She dropped her water bottle in the sink and the clattering of it seemed to echo in the small office space.

"What?" She turned and looked at him with wide eyes.

"I just, I needed you to know, you deserve to know."

"Ted! Ted, you're my best friend!"

"Yeah," Ted looked down at his shoes, "But somewhere along the way I went from you being my best friend to being the woman I was in love with."

"Ted, Ted," she hugged her arms around her waist, "Ted, what, what am I supposed to do?"

Ted couldn't look up at her, he couldn't handle it, seeing the betrayal she surely felt on her beautiful face.

"I just needed to say it, I just needed you to know where I stand."

"Ted," she grabbed his hand and Ted finally gave in and looked at her.

She had stepped right next to him, close enough that if he shifted to the right a fraction, he would be pressed up against her.

"Vic, are you really going to marry Sean?"

Her face fell and she bit her lip. "Ted…"

"Vic, please, just tell me."

"Ted, Ted, you're my best friend." She squeezed his hand and Ted shook his head.

"Don't, just," he sighed and realized this whole thing had definitely gone south. This was it. He'd never see Vic again.

And maybe that's why he leant in, maybe that's why he gave her hand a soft tug, maybe that's why he brought his lips to hers.

He thought she'd pull back immediately; he was even prepared for her to smack him.

But she didn't.

Vic's other hand moved to his chest and she tilted her face closer to his. And Ted moved out of instinct as he wrapped his other hand around her waist. Her lips were so soft and she fit so perfectly against him. He felt like he was flying. All the times he'd thought about what it would be like to kiss her, to feel her skin under his hands, all his imagining couldn't compare to what slanting his lips across hers and gripping her waist actually felt like. For a moment he forgot this wasn't going to end well, that this moment was stolen in almost the worst way possible.

But it was heaven, and he wanted to die right there.

Until Vic pulled back.

"Ted," she bit her lip, then opened her mouth to say more but nothing came out.

"Right," he let go of her hand, "take care of yourself. I'll look for your book when you get it published."

He stepped away from her and took one last look at her distraught face before he turned around, grabbed his backpack from his desk, and walked out the door.

[fromcrossroadstoking]

Winters and the Problem of Quiet Days

Part 5 of Welcome to the 5061st. Part 5! That means we`re halfway through guys!

Tags: @gottapenny @itisjustmethistime @indigosandviolets @scarecrowmax 

-----------------------------

July 22nd, 1400

If there`s one truth that every head of a MASH unit knows it`s this; a bored MASH unit is a dangerous MASH unit.

MASH units are like powder kegs. Steeped in trauma, disease, and death day in and day out. Surrounded by war. An ocean away from home. Under constant pressure to save the lives of begging, pleading, scared soldiers. The tension was bound to boil over. Especially when almost everyone was a draftee.

It had been a lesson that Colonel Dick Winters had learned the hard way. 

Tension, fear, loneliness - it could be pushed to the side when there was work to be done. But on those quiet days? The days when the wounded weren't flooding in? All those terrible thoughts and emotions were front and center.

When Winters had first taken over the 5061st, he hadn't given the quiet days any thought. But it soon became obvious that quiet days meant drinking. And fighting. Fooling around. Excessive gambling. Rioting. 

Oh yes, and he would never forget when they started a bonfire. Using all the furniture that wasn't nailed down.

Or when Sisk tried to jump from the roof using sheets as a parachute, nearly breaking his leg in the process.

Or when Liebgott and Grant took an ambulance for a joy ride and drove it straight in to a ditch.

Then there was the time someone (or several someones) dyed everyone`s clothes pink.

Of course, there was also the incident where everyone`s shoes were mysteriously filled with applesauce.

And then there were the boxing matches which resulted in far more injuries than he cared for.

There were a couple hundred other examples of what happens when the 5061st gets bored and Winters had made ti his mission to keep that number from getting much larger. He entertained them the best he could.

First it was the Officer`s Club he had built on base, which ended up being less of an Officer`s Club and more of an Everyone`s Club. And then there the movie nights. Unfortunately, it tended to be the same movie over and over and over again. Organized baseball games and races were popular for awhile. Picnics and homemade carnival games provided a nice distraction for a bit. Calisthenics were deeply unpopular (again, they were mostly draftees). He had even let them adopt a mascot - a goat named Radar, so named because he seemed to know before everyone else that choppers were coming and would start bleating frantically. And while Radar was universally adored by everyone, it appeared it was time for something new again. 

Winters had already broken up three fights, had MPs escort four drunken individuals back to base from the local bar, mediated six arguments, and treated two medics who were injured when their homemade still exploded.

The 5061st was getting bored.

July 22nd, 1405

Trying to find something new to entertain the 5061st was not an easy task. After all, they were in the middle of Korea and there was a war going on.

Winters sat at his desk, leaning his head in one hand, while rhythmically tapping the pile of papers in front of him with his pencil.

He had nothing.

"Luz!"

The clerk appeared immediately from the front room, "Yes, sir?"

"Get me Nixon on the line."

"You got it sir!"

July 22nd, 1408

"I could let them get another pet."

"Dick, they've already got a goat. Plus you've let Luz keep how many animals now?"

"Just a bunny. And a turtle. And a hamster."

"You're going to be running a petting zoo, not a hospital, soon."

Winters sighed, "Yeah, well, I don`t know what else to do. They're starting to get nuts again. Heffron got his hand stuck in a jar trying to see how small of a jar he could fit it in to. People were placing bets."

"You're shitting me!" Nixon`s sudden bark of laughter filled the line, "Who won the bet?"

"Nix... "

"Alright, alright. You need something new, huh? Hmmm... "

There was silence for a moment as the two men tried to come up with something.

"Dick! I've got it! Have a variety show!"

"A variety show?"

"Yeah, you know, let everyone sign up and show off a talent of theirs. They'll be too busy practicing for the big night to go around getting their hands stuck in jars."

And that was how the first ever 5061st variety show came to be.

July 29th, 1200

Winters had to give it to Nixon, the variety show was a fantastic idea. The entire MASH was abuzz with excitement for it and many of them had signed up for the show right away. Even Father Powers signed up - apparently he was quite talented with the harmonica.

The show was only a few days away now and Winters could only silently pray that it would be a success.

August 1st, 1900

A small stage had been constructed out of scrap wood and crates. A banner reading "1st Annual 5061st Variety Show" had been hung. Chairs were arranged, snacks laid out, and people were taking their seats. Winters cleared his throat and made a quick welcome before handing over the show`s reigns to the emcee for the night, Babe Heffron.

Babe made a surprisingly good emcee. He kept everything moving, told a few jokes of his own, and kept the energy high between acts. The acts themselves were... interesting. Some were very good and some, well, not so much.

Spina could not sing for the life of him but, oh, did he try.

Father Powers' harmonica skills were actually quite impressive.

Luz`s impersonations were, as usual, spot on. Although some of his jokes might have crossed a line or two (thankfully no higher ups were in attendance).

Talbert played a few songs on his guitar while everyone sang along.

Speirs performed a few magic tricks (Winters would have never in a million years guessed Speirs was an amateur magician).

Grant played the piano beautifully (another surprise).

Christenson made up some hilarious, yet very dirty, poetry.

All in all, there were about thirty acts and the night went even better than Winters could have ever hoped for. The entire 5061st seemed energized by the bit of fun and the mood of the whole camp felt lifted. Of course, Winters knew it wouldn't last. Walking back to his tent that night, the wheels in his head were already turning, trying to think of what to do next.

Maybe a basketball tournament.Or maybe I could find a way to get a pool. Or an obstacle course.

Letting out a yawn, he laid down on his bed and figured it was a problem he could solve in the morning. After all, they couldn't get bored that quickly.

Could they?

[pessimisticlatte]

Pas de Deux

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug Pairing: Marinette Dupain-Cheng|Ladybug/Adrien Agreste Word Count: 2,024 AU: Dancer

Notes: I’m not a dancer so sorry if the terminology is wrong and if the flow of the story isn’t great I’m also sorry because I was inspired to write + post this while half asleep with a very sleepy puppy on me who just wanted to go to bed

She had debuted at 16, the youngest prima ballerina the Paris Opera Ballet ever had. Her grace was near legendary, lithe and perfectly practiced movements known to bring tears to the eyes of even the most stoic of people and to watch her dance was often considered something one could only experience once in a lifetime. If watching her dance was such a rare opportunity, then Adrien Agreste wondered how many lifetimes he’d stolen away to be in the audience of every one of her Paris shows in the four years since she’d debuted.

No matter how many times Adrien sat in the audience and watched Mademoiselle Cochenille dance, the same shivers still ran up his spine and prickled on his skin. In all the years he’d been following her, a talented dancer in his own right who was drawn to the sheer beauty of her form, he’d never learnt the name of the woman whose shows he never seemed to miss, knowing her only as the Red Lady, Mademoiselle Cochenille. 

His peers at Jeune Ballet de France liked to joke about how he never missed a chance to see her on stage, asking Adrien if he was in love with the nameless woman in the scarlet pointe shoes. Though he knew it was a joke, one he’d always returned with his own remarks into his fellows love lives and various interests or obsessions, Adrien had spent many a night awake asking himself if he was in love with the woman he’d only ever seen decked in tulle and illuminated by glaring stage lights. Could you love someone you’d never met but only seen and only knew for the emotion they portrayed in their movements? Honestly, he didn’t know, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t dream of pulling her dark hair free from the tight bun she was always seen in and freeing the silken, crimson mask from her face to truly know the woman underneath. 

At twenty-one, Adrien knew that time was running out fast for him, that if he didn’t secure a contract with a company very soon he’d return home to his father and reclaim the life of a puppet he’d so desperately tried to escape when he’d turned to dance. One of his tutors at Jeune Ballet de France, a woman by the name of Nathalie, knew what would happen if Adrien couldn’t secure a contract by the end of the year and had pulled what few strings she had to get him to the audition.

Nathalie hadn’t told him what the audition was for, just to come prepared to dance until his feet felt as though it had been over hot coals, and, with an immense amount of trust in the woman, Adrien had found himself standing in a brightly lit studio dancing for a panel from the Paris Opera Ballet. He’d poured his heart and his soul into the piece he’d performed for them, each memory of the gilded cage he’d come from and refused to return to renewing his strength with each sway of his body; the panel had called him back weeks later and offered him the main male role in the show they were presenting, as well as a three year contract to be renewed should everything go as planned. He would’ve been a fool not to accept.

Two months later, he stood in a hallway looking into a studio made of glass and wood and mirrors as he watched a young woman with the darkest, silkiest hair he’d ever seen set her bag down in the corner of the room and begin stretching on one of the barres. She had headphones in her ears and, though he could not hear her through the soundproofed glass separating them, her mouth moved to follow the words of the song playing for her and her alone. The ballet slippers she wore were tattered and old, their blush colour faded and marked with black, but as she began to spin and spin and spin and spin, there was a trust between the woman and the old shoes that Adrien could almost feel. 

Mesmerised by her as she moved, her elegance so familiar in a way he couldn’t name, he stood and watched, unable to tear himself from the hallway. He knew he had a lesson soon, the first lesson he would be having with the woman dancing alongside him, but that lesson and that woman could wait until he’d drunk his fill of the grace of the woman before him. Once she’d finished her stretches, her plies and her arabesques and pirouettes, she crossed the room to her bag and sat, taking a long, deep drink from the water bottle she had within. His eyes snagged on something bright and scarlet in her bag before a hand clapped him on the shoulder and his trance was broken.

“Looks like she’s done warming up, eh?” Turning slightly, Adrien came face to face with a young man about his age with dark hair fading to blue tips and interesting, upturned eyes.

“I guess so,” Unsure of what to do with himself, he watched the woman pull her phone from her bag and begin to tap away on it.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” The young man stuck his hand out to Adrien with a lop-sided grin, the two men shook hands. “I’m Luka, Luka Couffaine, I’m the pianist.”

“The pianist?” Confused, Adrien allowed his eyes to meet Luka’s.

“I’m seriously hoping that you’re Adrien Agreste or I’ve cornered the wrong blonde guy who's been signed on to play Le Chat Noir,”

“Uh, what?” 

“Please tell me that your name is Adrien Agreste, man, or I’m gonna have to go down to reception and get them to call him,” Luka nodded toward the woman in the studio, now stretching out her ankles to an extent Adrien wasn’t sure should be possible. “Mari gets really anxious when people aren’t on time, guess it comes from her once being the person who was never on time.”

“Uh, um, yeah, I’m Adrien Agreste, but I wasn’t aware that I was playing Le Chat Noir. In fact, I didn’t even know what show I’d signed on for,” Scratching the back of his head anxiously, Adrien looked at his feet.

“God, they never tell anyone anything, do they?” There was an interesting mixture of laughter and genuine annoyance in Luka’s tone. “Well, at least I got here before Alya or she would be screaming the building down for the company giving you jack shit on what you’re doing here.”

Adrien chewed his lip and glanced back at the woman in the studio as she began to remove her slippers. 

“So, that, in there,” Luka’s finger moved into Adrien’s gaze as he pointed at the woman. “Is Marinette Dupain-Cheng, or as we generally call her, Mari. She’s our prima and your partner.”

“Is this her first year as a prima?” The longer he looked at her, the younger she looked as she swayed along to the music pulsing through her ears. “She looks very young.”

Luka let out a loud laugh that startled Adrien slightly. “Oh fuck no, Mari’s been a prima for longer than Alya’s been teaching and Alya’s the best teacher we have here, she’s the one who completely rewrote the dance for Minuit se Trouve, which is what you and Mari will be performing together,”

Minuit se Trouve, or Midnight Lies as it was known in English, was the tale of Le Chat Noir and Mademoiselle Cochenille and their blossoming love despite the conflicting lives they led in the day time and the pressure of Le Chat Noir’s villainous father. The prima Adrien had been so enamoured with since her debut had played the role of Mademoiselle Cochenille so many times that she had become known by that name and that name alone, Adrien had watched her dance and tell the tale of falling in love with the roguish Chat Noir on so many stages he’d lost count. 

“Anyway, Mari’s been performing as Mademoiselle Cochenille since she debuted,” At Luka’s words, Adrien’s eyes grew wide; at that same moment, the young woman pulled a pair of scarlet pointe shoes from her bag and set them in front of her. “We’ve gotten a new Chat each time she’s performed it because the primo ballerinos that get paired with her always end up making her extremely anxious and, because she’s the darling of the company, they end up elsewhere lest her stage fright get the better of her.”

The woman in the studio was Mademoiselle Cochenille, the ballerina he’d been following for so long, and she was to be his partner in the ballet she had become famous for. Next time he saw Nathalie, he was going to kiss her.

Clapping Adrien on the shoulder again, Luka moved toward the door into the studio and placed his hand gently on the handle. “Try not to freak her out, man, you really haven’t said much so I haven’t gotten much of a read on you and I honestly have no clue whether or not you’re a massive asshole but regardless of if you are or not, I do get the vibe from you that you’re not an asshole, she gets jumpy meeting new partners for the first time so...uh...don’t be a dick,” Pushing the door open, Luka entered the studio and gestured for Adrien to come in behind him. Mari’s head snapped up as the door opened, her pointe shoes tied on securely and contrasting with her stark black leotard and gauzy, pale pink skirt; she greeted Luka with a grin. “Hey Mari, this is Adrien,” Pointing his thumb toward Adrien, Luka crossed the studio to the glossy, black grand piano in the corner of the room and pulled the shelf covering the keys up. “He’s gonna be our Chat for this season.”

Looking up at Adrien shyly with round, blue eyes, she whispered a faint ‘bonjour’. She was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen in his life, he felt his heart kick up a beat.

“H-hello,” Dropping his bag, he stammered and held a shaking hand out to her, Mari still on the floor and curled in on herself slightly. Glancing at Luka, who nodded with a small smile, she took Adrien’s hand and stood up, shaking it gently. “I-I’m honoured to be dancing with you.”

“I like this one,” At a more audible volume, her voice was lilting and melodic, reverberating around the studio like the most beautiful musical piece Adrien had ever heard. “We may just decide to keep you,” Almost coyly, she gave Adrien a wink and released his hand, turning to her back and pulling free a familiar mask, one that he usually saw from the audience. “The mask helps me feel more confident when I dance, I hope it’s alright if I wear it and if it’s not, you’ll have to keep that to yourself.”

The studio door swung open with a bang as a harried young woman with curly red hair and deep olive skin came rushing in, papers in her hands and a wild look in her eye, directly toward Mari before grabbing the prima’s arm and pulling her over the other side of the studio, into a deep conversation.

“So, what do you think of her?” Arms crossed over the top of the piano with sheets of music splayed out before him, Luka looked at Adrien with a grin.

“I’ve been watching her dance since she debuted, I’ve been to every show she’s done in Paris and I’ve followed her career without even knowing her name,” Luka didn’t look surprised at Adrien’s words but his body language shifted slightly as if to say ‘I’ve heard this before and you’re the first person who’s said it and actually sounded sincere’. “I don’t even know where to start on what I think of her.”

“Good,” Reordering his sheet music as the two women moved back over to the side of the studio he and Adrien were on. “Because then you might be the partner she’s been looking for.”

[sushigal007]

The Tricou Teens

And now it’s time for the final family.

OK, so technically they not a playable household. Took some cheating to make them playable and move them into The House Of Fallen Trees, but I’ve never tried resurrecting the other Tricous and I wanted to get to know Jon Smith’s secret children before I sent them to university. First impressions weren’t great, every single one of them had ‘50 1st Dates/Dream Dates’ as a LTW, so that all got rerolled because NO.

Anyway, my headcanon for this is, all their mothers died and they found out they all have the same father, so they all agreed to run away and hide out in the house to try and find out more about that side of their family.

The only problem is, I’ve just this very second discovered that while they’re all related to each other just fine, they don’t seem to be related to Jon any more. Oops. That something for me to fix in SimPE later then.

Swan: This seems like a perfectly normal house for a perfectly normal family and our father definitely didn’t have any weird secrets. Other than you guys? Swan: We’re not weird. I’ll be the judge of that.

I guess pillow fights aren’t the weirdest thing this game has to offer.

Swan wanted to get into private school, and they had about a dozen fish now from showing up on community lots and summer camp, so I let her invite him over. Headmaster: Hello! I’ve always wanted to visit Scooby-Doo’s house! Swan: Hahahaha very funny joke. It was funny when I heard it on Doctor Who too but it’s soooooo much funnier coming from you please accept us into your wonderful school.

Wow, this house really does get creepier at night.

I’d say Loren was being sensible doing his homework outside, but that’s where all the graves are.

This is much much worse though! Patrick: Just ignore them. That’s what we’re doing.

Swan very sensibly decided not to show the coffins to the headmaster, and the gang got into private school.

And then she got into a coffin. Swan: It’s not like it’s been used. Orion: As far as we know.

There are only two comfy coffins to sleep in though, so Orion heads to the piano rather than use one of the crappy old mattresses upstairs.

And Loren dicks around on the Humble computer while I admire the crappy wallpaper. Ngl, I love the shabby, run down makeover I gave this place.

Fricorith: I have some objections. Six of them, to be exact.

There’s no time to listen to Fricorith’s whining though, because it’s off to summer camp again! The summer camp for teens. So why are you two here? Oberon: Magic.

I’d had a few problems with this lot in the past, sims only being able to use tents autonomously, not being able to save unless I put a hotel door on one of the cabins, that sort of thing. I finally realised the problem was that I hadn’t put a phone booth on the lot. And once I did...

All the tourists showed up.

I couldn’t get rid of them. The Visitor Controller let me ban locals with no problems, but there was no way to ban tourists. I banned all ages besides teen. I banned them individually and then used move objects to delete them. They just kept coming back. In the end, I had to fence off the entire lot to keep them out and so they just stood there on the pavement, complaining that they couldn’t get in.

Swan: *IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE*

I didn’t take many pictures, the Goth’s three vacations kinda burned me out, but I did get a shot of most of the teens playing kicky bag before it was time to go home.

Hi Fricorith. Fricorith: Meh.

Backrubs in your underwear from your new bro? Not weird at all!

Fucking Loren here had stupid “buy phone” “buy mp3 player” “ask a sim on a date” wants allllllll through their vacation and wound up in the red because of it. Now they’re home? He rolls this. Loren: Pretty please? No. Go take a stupid picture instead.

Patrick: Ow! What the hell!? That hurt!

I made them play chess instead. Much safer.

Orion had also been rolling stupid wants, so when his persistent desire for a date began to annoy me, I hired the matchmaker because they’re too poor for the crystal ball. Orion: I’d like to buy ~true love~

ETA: I CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T USE THIS REACTION IMAGE FOR THIS!

For $3, you’ll be lucky if she doesn’t throw up in your face.

Matchmaker: I hate the poor ones. Please, like you’re any better with the rich ones.

Nellie: One day I too would like to be promoted to playable and spend actual money on things. You cost $3. Nellie: Make me playable. You’ll see how much I’m really worth.

Loren: I would like a $3 date too, thank you.

Loren: ALIENS.

Hi Gvaudoin! Gvaudoin: Babies. You’re a Fortune sim. Gvaudoin: BABIES.

Saturday rolled around, so I decided to split the gang into pairs and send them out for a little sibling bonding. First up, Kestrel and Patrick, who went to Bumblebee Square to eat ice cream.

Next up, Swan and Loren. They both have sports as a OTH, so they just hung out in the park all afternoon and played football.

Brandi provided some background music but Patrizio was the only one who appreciated it.

Orion and Tiave were supposed to be the final pair, but Tiave was asleep, so Orion played with a passing cat instead. Orion: SIMBAAAAA.

Eventually Tiave did crawl out of bed, so I sent them out to play poker.

Double ghost sighting tonight!

In retrospect, sending Patrick out to stargaze might not have been my smartest move, but there’s literally no other way for him to increase science enthusiasm in this house.

Gvaudoin: BOO. Patrick: AHHH science++

Fricorith: BOO. Patrick: OK I think I’ve had enough science now.

Patrick: ...Shit.

Luckily for him, Loren was still awake. Loren: PLEEEEEEEASE don’t take my brother away, I’m begging you, we’ve only just found each other! We never knew our father! WE NEVER KNEW OUR FAAAAATHER! Grim: Jeez OK kid, calm down.

Grim: All you have to do is save your brother’s immortal soul. No biggie. Loren: Uhhhhhhhh.

Loren: YES! In your face, Grim! IN YOUR FACE! Grim: Ugh, fine, you can have him back, but I’m not cleaning him up.

Patrick: You just saved my life! Gimmee a hug! Loren: Ew, NO. You smell like death!

Gvaudoin: Next time, we’ll get ‘em in there... permanently.

After that eventful night, they ran out of food, so I sent these three out shopping and pampering. Kestrel: Remember when we went on vacation? Good times.

I finally fixed the family tree, but they’re all very sad about it.

Patrick: He was a deadbeat, but he was our deadbeat.

And we round off the week with Kestrel giving me evils. Kestrel: Kill Orion. Ahaha! No.

UBERHOOD INDEX

[tessatechaitea]

Black Condor #5

Five issues and five pure cheesecake covers.

Crud-for-brains? I'd wager my life savings that Brian Augustyn was an early Adventures of Pete and Pete fan.

The guys on the cover are just four young dude-bros stealing from drug dealers. They burn the drugs and take the money to give toward good causes. And probably also to buy cool shit for themselves. They're only human! Probably. I haven't read far enough along to know what they're really doing with the cash. Black Condor will find out after he beats the shit out of three of them. Sorry. I've been gone for awhile. You wouldn't have noticed since my long absence fell between writing the previous paragraph and this current one. And unless you ran off to take a desperate shit right at the same moment, the time between these two paragraphs was negligible, minuscule (I decided to use both words because I'm so proud of my ability to spell my native language (I considered misspelling "native" and "language" but decided that was a boring old joke which has carried more water than Capri-sun (that's a new joke and it's not very good because it doesn't make sense. But at least it's new))). But I was caught up in playing a stupid computer video game about dungeon delving dice trapped in a horrific game show. Spoiler: the dice never get to fuck. But I'm back now because this is blog is the only thing that keeps me sane anymore. You might think that because this blog was my link to sanity, I'd be more earnest. You might think I'd want to be grim and serious and discuss political, social, and environmental matters with the gravity and seriousness they deserve. But that's all the stuff that's doing my head in. So I'd rather pretend that I'm angry at comic books. Here's a secret for the few of you reading this who made it to this specific paragraph out of all of my paragraphs: I wish I were friends with Scott Lobdell. I bet he's kind of an asshole but he's the kind who, if he was getting his ass kicked at a bar for being smarmy and pretentious and smug (smug because he's a rich writer whom a lot of thirteen year old boys (and men with thirteen year old boy minds) think wrote some of the seminal X-men stories), he'd completely understand if you didn't step in to defend him. He feels like the kind of guy who knows what he really deserves (a righteous ass beating) and wouldn't think the world unfair should he ever receive it. Then he'd probably buy drinks for the people who beat his ass, and I'd look him in the eye and shrug, and he'd laugh, and we'd continue to not mention that time we jerked each other off when we were fucking wasted on single malt scotch and peyote. Black Condor and Ned decide they need to find the girl with humongous afro before she hurts people who don't deserve it the way the color changing white supremacist Nazi rapists did.

What does he mean by "completely autistic"? In 1992, I'm guessing that meant nonverbal with loads of stimming and maybe the ability to play any piano concerto immediately after hearing it once.

Karin was experimented on by Black Condor's grandfather's Society but she failed to gain the ability to fly. She did, however, gain mental abilities as powerful as his own. He's concerned that, being autistic, she'll hurt people with her mind rage. Please. She almost certainly just wants to be left alone by everybody in society expecting her to think and act in a specific way that she can't think and act, nor would she want to if she had the ability. Just leave autistic people alone, normals! They don't need help. Just because your autistic kid isn't giving you the kind of unconditional love you were looking for when you decided to have a kid that you would eventually love only conditionally based on how they loved you doesn't mean the kid needs to change. That's on you and your needs. Maybe just find a way for the kid to express themselves (or not! Who knows sometimes?!) and let them do and act as they please. Unless what they want to do is fuck the dog. I'm not saying autistic people fuck dogs but I am saying we're all individuals, you know? Use your common sense! And if your kid is fucking the dog, autistic or not, don't let them near the dog! The Merry Men on the cover (oh hey! There were Merry Men in the Sky Pirate issue! Brian Augustyn either loves old tales of daring adventure or LSD) have been robbing drug dealers to help fund a homeless camp run by a priest named Gamble. The priest isn't involved in the theft; he chastises them about their plans to get money illegally. But they assure him the money isn't tainted and he decides to believe them when they dump thousands of dollars on his desk. Doing the right thing is hard when doing the wrong thing will solve all of your money issues. If you're a weak minded jerk, that is! I totally would never sell out for thousands of dollars so hopefully nobody embarrasses themselves by offering me loads of money to write positive comic book reviews for their publications. Father Gamble refuses the money because he just can't be sure it was honestly come by. I would be less suspicious of the money and more suspicious of the white college kids trying to donate thousands of dollars to a homeless camp. What's really going on in this camp?! Why are these young men so interested in keeping it funded so it doesn't get shut down? Four probably rich white boys risking their lives to help the downtrodden? Sorry but this is the most aggressively fantastic comic book I've ever read. And I'm not using the informal definition of "fantastic."

"Which member of this organization could possibly be giving all of this information to these white boys and why am I exposing my plan to kill them before plugging the leak?!"

Maybe that's racist suggesting that the white guy in the gang is giving the information to other white guys. But this comic book has already asked me to believe too many fanciful plot points so I'm glad Augustyn decided the white guy was absolutely the inside man. The white guys name is Herbie and his boss, Mr. Soto, already knows he's the leak. I'm glad Mr. Soto is as smart as I am. Or as racist. Probably smart though! They follow him as he's trying to meet up with the college Merry Men to warn them that they're in danger. Luckily for Herbie, Black Condor happens upon the scene as he's searching for Karin. And even though Black Condor doesn't give a shit about this guy and his problems, he figures even a reluctant hero wouldn't just stand by and watch some jerk get what's coming to them. After Black Condor saves Herbie, he has to take him to the hospital because he was pistol whipped. Meanwhile, the rich white kids aren't warned that they're about to die so they drive off into the trap to steal more money that Father Gamble won't be accepting for his charity.

What a dumb asshole! Even the most ignorant of ignorant jerks knows there were only three musketeers! Unless he's so familiar with the book that he's including d'Artagnan along with Porthos, Mythos, and Harpos.

I never read The Three Musketeers because I was born in the late 20th century and exciting stories to thrill young boys wasn't a popular genre anymore because we had Batman and Green Lantern. Although I did once play the text adventure version of the book. When I did that, I poked fun at the idea that the author of it was writing the game so that people would remember Alexandre Dumas and yet it's the only reason I know anything about him! Although now I know a little bit more about him because I Googled his name to make sure I was spelling it correctly and now I know what a fancy lad he was!

Now I want to listen to an audio version of his book where every few sentences, the person reading it just says, "Oooooooh, my!"

The Musketeers (maybe I was wrong to assume they were more like the Merry Men?!) manage to get away with only one of them shot in the ankle (the others weren't shot at all, if that wasn't clear). They decide the best way to save their own lives is to lead the gun men on a chase through New York back to Father Gamble's homeless camp. They already know he doesn't want any trouble so why are they taking this gunfight back there?! What is Father Gamble's hold over these young men?! Luckily for everybody in the homeless camp, Black Condor is there still searching for Karin. He'll save everybody's lives reluctantly! Unluckily for everybody, Karin is also there and the gunfire and chaos freaks her out so much that she has a mind-storm! That's the thing she had before that killed four of her attempted Nazi rapists. And that's where the comic book ends! Lucky for older me, younger me bought the next issue so I wouldn't be stuck with this cliff hanger! Lucky for younger me, older me doesn't have a time machine so that fucker has gotten away with some pretty abhorrent behavior which I couldn't correct by going back in time and punching him in the nose. Unlucky for him, he's going to be a virgin for a long, long time! Ha ha! Take that! Ow. Older me just hurt older me's feelings. Black Condor #5 Rating: B. A solid rating that I probably wouldn't have given this comic book back when I was twenty-one. I don't think I understood just what this comic book was doing and wound up only remembering it as a comic book about a reluctant hero. I didn't realize how much of it was Black Condor trying to live his now much more complicated life while also continuously doing the right thing. Even when he just wants to hole up in the woods and say "Fuck it!" to everybody and everything, he still shows the heart of a hero when he's needed by people nearby. And he's fucking sexy hot too.

[ilikemypancakesfresh]

JUST BAKUSQUAD THINGS 101 ❤

* A thousand miles piano music plays in bg*

[ BAKUSQUAD: BAKUGOU, KIRISHIMA, SERO, KAMINARI AND MINA ]

When Bakugou gets mad at us for being too noisy when we're all gathered in one room ♡

Bakugou: "I'm going to fucking buy food and DONT YOU FUCKING DARE STOP STUDYING YOU GOT THAT YOU FUCKSTICKS!?"

Us: "GOT IT!"

* 5 mins later *

Bakugou: "Alright dumbasses I bought-"

📱🔊: How to ask rats to mate by making rat mating calls at them | step by step tutorial on how to make rat mating noises | 7 hours serious and complex technique

Kaminari: "Oh hey Bakugou! Do you think this video will work on the principal??"

Bakugou: * S H O U T S *

When Kaminari does weird shit and Bakugou gets mad ♡

When Kirishima spilled red hair dye all over Bakugou's dorm bed without Bakugou knowing but in the end we all blamed it on the contraction of atoms but Bakugou wasn't that stupid so he still got mad at us ♡

When Sero replaced all of Bakugou's spicy oreos with toothpaste and Bakugou gets mad ♡

When Mina texted us that she needed important backup in the middle of the night only to know that she needed 3 people to bring her makeup bags to prank Bakugou ♡

Bakugou full on fake eyelashes, winged eyeliner, pink blush, colorful eyeshadow, overlined big red lips, sharp contour, Blinding highlighter and drawn in eyebrows ♡

That was the pretties he's ever looked despite having that ugly look when he's asleep ♡

He woke up the next morning to take coffee downstairs and everyone laughed ♡

He killed us ♡

All 5 of us arrived 1 hour late to school in the end ♡

Getting Bakugou a real life sized full body pillow of all might ♡

He actually uses it ♡

Watching vines together ♡

Making tik toks together ♡

Laughing together ♡

LAUGHING AT BAKUGOU TOGETHER ♡

Taking selfies with Bakugou's mad face ♡

Bakugou leaving the group chat because we made his face the pfp ♡

despite us being annoying Bakugou still wants to hang around us ♡

He feeds us ♡

Bakugou acting like a mad and stressed out mother with 4 children ♡

Playing the dick game where we randomly shout "DICK" in public ♡

One time we all were teasing Bakugou about how he was such a pussy for not playing and he ended up shouting dick so loud this one lady fainted ♡

When Bakugou actually helps us with homework and studying for tests ♡

We all fail except for Bakugou ♡

Slacking off on homework ♡

Kaminari and Mina connect their phones to 2 of Bakugou's bluetooth speakers and watching dank memes on full volume ♡

Bakugou breaking his doors from the outside because we were being too noisy inside his room ♡

Almost catching Bakugou's dorm on fire when we were lighting a candle ♡

Sero: * S C R E A M S *

*Bakugou running back into his dorm room*

*BREAKS DOOR*

Bakugou: "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED ARE YOU FUCKS OKA-

Sero: "KAMINARI GET YOUR DICK OUT OF MY FACE"

Kaminari: "IT'S NOT LIKE IM DOING THIS ON PURPOSE"

Kirishima: "This is a manly game!"

Mina: "ALRIGHT NOW KIRISHIMA PUT YOUR LEFT ASSCHEEK ON THE BLUE CIRCLE!"

Kaminari: "OH HEY BAKUGOU WE'RE PLAYING TWISTER WANNA JOIN?"

Bakugou: "I TOLD ALL OF YOU CUNTS I WAS GOING OUT TO BUY FUCKING GROCERIES AND I TOLD YOU ALL TO CLEAN UP DAMN ROOM THAT YOU SHITHEADS FUCKED UP AND NOW YOU'RE PLAYING TWISTER?"

♡

Finishing all of Bakugou's snacks ♡

Our job is to annoy Bakugou ♡

Mina and Kaminari buying a shit ton of candy for us to eat ♡

Constantly dabbing, whipping, fortnite dancing, T posing, and singing happy birthday to Bakugou even when it's not his birthday ♡

Our secret handshake ♡

Kaminari buying a pet cockroach and naming it Ostrich ♡

Riding carts at the grocery store together ♡

Sero shouting random shit around the dorms ♡

Pranking Bakugou by wrapping all of his furniture in Sero's tape ♡

making-

"For how much longer are all you fuckers making this list for?" - Bakugou

"BUT BAKUGOU THIS IS IMPORTANT!! ALL OF OUR MEMORIES TOGETHER WE'LL PUT IT ALL IN THIS ONE BOOK!!" - Kirishima

"Yeah I don't want to forget all of these moments we have with you!" - Mina

"All of this was so fun and it all went by so fast..." -Sero

" 3 more days until we finally graduate UA huh?" - Kaminari

" It's really been a long ride... " -Sero

" An enjoyable one too!" -Mina

"I loved all of the moments I have with you guys... even the moments when we were having fun and Bakugou getting mad at us!" -Kirishima

"Man.. I miss being 15 all of the sudden.." -Kaminari

"Lmao i remember the days where everyone would see us walk together in the hallways and whisper to each other 'oH iTs tHE bAkUsqUad!' man... I'll really miss it" -Mina

"We had so many memories together I can't even remember all of those stupid things we did with each other and to each other" -Sero

"Lucky us that we wrote all of the memories of class 1-A huh?" -Kaminari

"Yeah! Oh and i still remember that time me and Sero bought those matching hot dog suits for halloween!" - Mina

"3 more days. 3 more days until we're all grown ups." - Kirishima

"Class 1-A was the sickest class I've ever been to! Man we even got to fight real villains that time! It was so cool!" - Kaminari

"HAHA I REMEMBER BAKUGOU GETTING MAD AT MIDORIYA FOR THE LITTLEST THINGS" - Sero

"OMG REMEMBER THAT TIME WHEN BAKUGOU GOT MAD AT MIDORIYA FOR BREATHING?" - Mina

"SHUT UP YOU PILE OF SHITS." -bakugou

"I really can't believe we're gonna graduate in 3 more days and then we're off as solo heroes.." -Kirishima

"... who the fuck said we have to be solo heroes?" -Bakugou

" This isn't the end of our journey. We still got more shit to do. " - Bakugou

" Shit that we all haven't done. Shit that I'd like to do with all of you fuckers. Even if you're all annoying." -Bakugou

" Now hurry up and give me a turn to write in that book! I remember a whole lot of shit that you assholes did to me!" -Bakugou

"All of us always did have a special connection with each other. Bakugou is always mad but that doesn't mean he hates us. These 3 years in UA have made me stronger. Manlier. I'm glad to have met you all!" - Signed by Kirishima Eijirou, 17, doesn't know how to read

"Writing this note in this very book from when we first started our journey together back in class 1A makes me emotional. Like- really really emotional. I'm actually sobbing lol. I love all of you guys so much. I'm so happy that we'll still be a squad even after graduation!" Signed by Mina Ashido, 17, still gets called racoon eyes by Bakugou

"Soy souce face. That's my name B). I'm very happy that i could meet such fun people that gets my sense of humor like you guys. I always thought hero schools would have such boring students. But then, I met the 4 of you. Memelords and viners. I can't thank you all enough" - Signed by Sero Hanta, 17, still gets nightmares of Bakugou in midnight's her outfit

"aAYYyyYyY! Really the best 3 years of my entire life! 1-A was the sick class where all of us first met. I remember joking with all of you and how much stomachaces i had from laughing. And i remember all of our vlogs we upload on HeroTube too. WE ARE ALL COOL DUDES AND I LOVE YOU GUYS A WHOLE LOT! - Signed by Kaminari Denki, 17, wants to eat a electric pole

" Don't you fucks darw take this idea the wrong way. I don't dislike the 4 of you and I actually had a shit ton of fun and laughs. Made my shitty 3 years better. Now let's continue these shitty memories after graduating too." - Signed by Katsuki Bakugou, 17, LORD EXPLOSION MURDER.

Bakusquad really is the best squad huh?

[lightsandlostbells]

Druck season 2, episode 5 reaction

Sorry this is late! You can blame it partly on the ~polar vortex~ and partly on fatigue. 

anyway, who’s ready to solve the great mystery of the ages, Whose Dick Is That

Episode 5

Clip 1 - Hotel Hardenberg

The doorbell is ringing. Mia wakes up in utter contentment, love that little shot of her foot stirring. The apartment seems to have been tidied up and Alexander’s bed on the floor put away.

Alexander has left her Post-Its as a parting gesture, there’s one on her phone with a heart. Charming move! He comments that she snores. Also charming from a certain perspective (that perspective is Mia is adorable). His other Post-Its in the apartment indicate that he’s made her rosehip tea and thank her for staying at Hotel Hardenberg, what a dork. 

Mia gets up to go but then strips the bed. A sign of her compulsive neatness and need for order, especially after that order has been broken by staying at Alexander’s? Or just her wanting to be a thoughtful house guest? Or her wanting to erase the evidence of her presence? All three?

On the way out the door, Mia runs into Björn, who describes himself as a friend of Alex. So, probably not his brother. He’d tell her if he were his brother, right? Saying “I’m Alex’s brother” seems more trustworthy for most people than “I’m Alex’s friend.” And he gave his real name, we know that Alex is referring to a Björn in his text messages with Sam, so Björn can’t have been worried about Alex telling Mia about him and Mia knowing who he is.

Björn says he’s here to get something. I sure bet Alex doesn’t know about that! Something shady is happening! He asks her name and Mia gives it to him. Ohhh, dear girl, you don’t know it but that was probably not a good move. (The biggest plot twist would be if Björn was some totally harmless guy that Alexander had wronged, so Björn was trying to avoid him at all costs and Alexander was trying to find him and apologize.) (I 100% do not believe that is the case but damn it would be a trip.)

The clip started with the doorbell ringing so that must have been Björn. Was he trying to see if Alex was home so he could sneak in while the place was empty? Because evidently Björn got into the building fine, and usually there’s better security in those places, and he’s the one who opens the apartment door, not Mia, so he must have had a key. My guess is that Björn is like the sister’s boyfriend/ex/friend who would have had access to the apartment before Alex moved in.

Alexander sent her a text that he’s in London, doing business/real estate stuff for a few days. #ishereallythatrich - Heh, but what are the odds he’s doing something else?

So I bet that’ll come back eventually, that Mia saw Björn entering the apartment, and she didn’t tell Alex right away. But damn, imagine if Mia hadn’t woken up with the doorbell and Björn walked in on her while she was sleeping. Or if she hadn’t left yet and caught him rummaging around through Alexander’s shit.

Clip 2 - Linn the apartment ghost

One week later due to the hiatus, Mia and Alex are texting. When he asks her how she’s doing, she starts to type out a friendly reply but then stops herself, but unfortunately Alex can see when she’s typing

He asks her to go out for a drink, she says she has to study. They have some “banter” and I know they are flirting but it just makes me tired that part of their dynamic is “I won’t go out with you” followed by “Are you sure?” It’s an issue that extends beyond Winterberg, Noorhelm, or any other version of this pairing - men are socialized not to take no for an answer from women, and it’s too prevalent in real life to really get over it in fiction. Like this texting could’ve been about anything else, more banter about them snoring (Mia says he also snores) or her playing the piano or his Post-Its or literally anything other that this no-yes-no dynamic. 

It’s exacerbated because it is a case of “Well, she doesn’t really mean no, she does actually like him.” Mia almost seems disappointed when Alex stops texting back. And again, one of my big problems with how Noorhelm and all its equivalents have been portrayed is that we don’t need more stories where a girl keeps saying no when it turns out she kind of means yes. You can’t separate this individual story from the larger cultural trend. 

LMAO, Linn announces her presence by loudly slurping on a drink behind Mia  She just wanted to see what’s up with Mia and has been standing there a while. This moment is played for laughs but I think it’s also meant to be a reminder that hey, Mia and Alex aren’t in their own little bubble, other people exist and are eventually going to find out that something’s happening with them. It’s almost like Mia has been caught. 

New shot during the end titles of Mia in a hoodie looking dramatic. So far we haven’t seen any of these little end scenes in action. Are these just for promo? I think it’s more likely that they’ll happen in a later episode, I just find it interesting that none of them have taken place yet.

Clip 3 - Dicks in the air

Photocopies of boobs and blurred out dick drift by like tumbleweeds with nipples as Mia heads into the school. A girl hands her a boob picture for some reason, as if Mia needed one for personal use.

When she steps into the school, there’s boobs and ass and dick and the middle finger everywhere. We can hear a literal buzz as people observe. Accompanied is graffiti that says Abi Chaker Clan 2019 - 12 Years Family! Lmao, is that a teacher frantically trying to gather up copies on the stairs? You try your hardest, sister.

Kiki steps up and observes, takes a picture of the display. Where have you been, Kiki? Last we saw you, you were breaking Carlos’ heart.

Kiki thinks she recognizes Alex’s penis in the pictures, and Mia is like “get that picture out of my face plz.” Kiki hands it to Mia as she walks away, and Mia can’t resist a glimpse of the dick, which is blurred out for us viewers, by the way. I’m just laughing at the thought of Kiki the dick detective solving this whodunnit. Remember on New Year’s where Mia was kinda “???” about Kiki’s future profession and ended up with influencer? I would say Kiki’s true calling is solving phallic-related crimes and picking dicks out of a lineup except, as we learn later in the episode, she ain’t that great at it after all.

Hanna shows up in an echo of Kiki’s entrance and is like, WTF, we’re in trouble. They see Alexander and Jonas hugging it out in the distance and are like, when did they become friends? So I’m guessing this graduation prank is taking the place of the Yakuza fight, and it’s Alex and Jonas who have the suspicious friendship rather than P-Chris and Isak. I APPROVE. The Yakuza thing has always been out of place IMO, tonally, and I didn’t like how the fight ended up leading to excuses against William smashing a bottle on a dude’s head. This prank is something that’s serious but not so serious that I’d consider it a red flag/dealbreaker against Alexander. It’s also a lot closer to Mia personally, and affects her and basically all the characters - the Yakuza thing felt weirdly disconnected from Noora and the girl squad, only something that involved them because they happened to witness that one fight and some of their friends/boyfriends were involved. 

It’s also a replacement for the Penetrators trashing the cabin, and I fully realize that this is hypocritical but I also prefer this somehow even though it’s functionally the same thing, destruction of property. Maybe because again, it’s more connected to the rest of the characters as a plot point.

There’s this rather extravagant shot of someone throwing a bunch of the copies over the banister and they float down around Mia, just a ton of boobs and butts and dick wafting like snowflakes, and it’s so ridiculous that I love it.

Clip 4 - Mia keeps some interesting things in her bag

Leonie’s leading a meeting, again. This time it looks like more of the graduating class, not just the committee. She explains that somebody, probably several people, broke into the school Saturday night and made copies of their …. She trails off and Carlos helpfully supplies the displayed body parts with anatomical precision.

Someone give Leonie’s actress an award for that brief look of disdain at Carlos after he says “You’re welcome” and before she turns away. 

Because someone sprayed the Abi Motto on the wall, the school thinks someone from our year did it. Carlos and Jonas call it bullshit, fake news. Just as an aside, I’ve seen the term “fake news” pop up as a joke in SO many films and TV shows recently, including that Kurt Russell sexy Santa movie, and like ... I certainly understand why and I’m not opposed to “ironic” usage, I’m also just aghast that we’re at a point where it’s mainstream, you know? 2019, man.

Anyway, one of the new and expensive copy machines broke from the prank and “copy orgy”. Sam whispers to Amira that they didn’t just make copies - so was there a literal orgy on the copy machine? Or just the weight of people’s asses broke the machine? 

Kiki says she thinks it was Alexander, and I thought it was extremely fishy for Kiki to be so quick to blame Alexander, and that maybe she was involved in the prank or even trying to frame him, but obviously that turned out to not be the case. So I think she just wanted him to be guilty so he could get in trouble. And she’s telling Mia, who she thinks will be an ally in blaming Alex.

So now they owe 4500 euros to the school. Either who did it owns up and settles it with their insurance, or the school takes it out of the Abi account. Leonie gives the culprits a chance to reveal themselves. Man, what if Leonie was involved? The perfect crime, the least likely suspect…

Alex smiles over at Mia but that expression fades, Sara waggles some xeroxed breasts at him and he smirks. So those are her boobs, right? She seems pretty proud.

No one confesses to the crime, so Leonie says they have to raise the money again, thanks for nothing. Lmao, Leonie is such a hall monitor type that she’s really growing on me.

There’s some tense music as Mia is exiting the room, and of course Alexander is waiting for her. She walks right by him, to the door. On second thought, she turns around, pretends to rummage in her bag (we see she still has the dick pic so I guess the possibility that it’s Alexander’s is enough for her to keep it around) and then pulls out what she was looking for - a middle finger. That’s so petty, I’m in love with her. She goes out the door and Alexander does not seem pleased.

I mean, to be fair to him, Mia did jump to conclusions right away. (Conclusions that happened to be right, although not about the dick pic.) And I think this was in a way about re-establishing the natural order of things, getting back to “Alexander’s a selfish asshole” territory rather than her liking him, in addition to the whole class being punished. To be fair to her, too ... it’s only recently that he’s shown some decency, and he has a history of doing crappy things. 

Alex was texting Mia on Saturday, though, right? About wanting to go out and get a drink with friends? So maybe that will be used to exonerate him, he was busy with other people. (EDIT from the future: Lol, nah, his “drink with friends” turned into the prank, I guess.)

Clip 5 - Team Michi

Mia has handed over the dick pic to Hans for his opinion, I guess? Hans seems to be a penis connoisseur so I understand the sentiment. And his opinion is that it was a “heavy petting orgy” at least. He asks Michi for his opinion. Good, Michi is there! I think it’s nice if Hans is getting a little romance of his own, although he better be treating Michi right and not taking him for granted.

Hans teases Mia about why she wants to know so badly about what happened at the school on Saturday night, and if she isn’t a bit jealous. She says curiosity isn’t the same as jealousy. Sure, but the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

Mia goes to ask Linn for her opinion (Linn is sleeping already) and Michi feeds Hans. They have a little couple moment. Aww. HANS, TREAT MICHI RIGHT. He’s cute and he makes food for you. 

I’m wondering if the whole Hans/Michi thing is going to be a parallel to Mia and Alex, where a relationship that didn’t seem feasible at first becomes something real, and maybe they’ll have some relationship difficulty when Mia and Alex do. Though in the beginning of the season Hans and Michi seemed to parallel Alex and Kiki quite clearly, or at least Mia was making that connection, so who knows.

Clip 6 - Always look before crossing

Mia is leaving for school in the morning, and who should be there but Alex with two drinks in his hands. Rosehip tea or cocoa if he’s feeling sentimental. 

We don’t hear what he’s saying because Mia has her earbuds in, so it’s just the faintest sound of his voice over the music. She ignores him and goes to unlock her bike, he keeps talking, she points to her earbuds to indicate that she’s not listening. We see him mouth “please” and she finally takes out her earbuds and accepts the drink. Which I would too, because I’m shameless and thirsty and I wouldn’t turn down a free warm beverage in the morning.

There’s a little editing blip because in the clip, the music doesn’t cut out right as she takes out the earbuds, it’s a moment or two later when she puts them in her pockets. They fixed it in the full episode, though, and it cuts out when she takes out the earbuds.

Alex clearly sees Mia taking the drink as a victory and smiles. They walk along side by side by a moment until Mia calls him out for being spoiled and doing whatever he wants and not owning up to it. He says they were drunk. Wait, so he DID do it???? And he says she’s blowing it way out of proportion?? I’m surprised because I thought we’d learn that Alex didn’t do it after all. It seemed too obvious, Kiki was so eager to blame him that it seemed like a misdirect. And I mean, I don’t think it’s right that he and the others are making the entire graduating class reap the consequences, but I don’t think the prank is an unforgivable thing he did in itself. 

They argue a little and she’s about to bike across the road when Alex grabs her and pulls her back just as a car goes by, honking. She’s like … this doesn’t change anything. Alex is like, well it kinda does. “I saved your life, Mia Winter!” Well, she was distracted by him in the first place, so consider it even? (I binge-watched Russian Doll on Netflix this weekend so I can’t help but think this moment could have taken a drastically different turn.)

Mia bikes away but is smiling, which is awfully chipper for someone who just had a brush with death. I would be in the fetal position the rest of the day.

Alex stares after her and walks in the other direction. Errr … away from the school? I assume he was going back to his car, parked closer to Mia’s place.

So that mystery was done solved pretty quickly and anti-climatically. Kinda disappointing because I think it’d be fun to drag it out just a teensy tiny bit more - the mystery element of Skam is something that’s really underrated, when you think about it, even though it’s a large part of what kept people watching in real time.

Clip 7 - Sam just drops a bomb

We get a closeup of Sam blowing a bubble with her gum and then popping it. Like how she’s about to burst that bubble about Mia and Alex? 

The girls are discussing the prank and that Alexander was in on it. Kiki is like, I knew it. Damn, she really wants him to go down. I don’t blame her, though.

When Amira asks how Mia knows, Sam says Alexander probably told her. WHOA HOLD THE PHONE. Druck is throwing curveballs everywhere this episode. I did not expect to see Sam reveal this information so quickly and casually; I thought she’d save it for a more dramatic moment later on, after Mia and Alex definitely were a thing. Sam says Mia is always talking to him, and Mia rushes to explain that it was all because of Kiki (lies) and she told him what she thought of him (well, that part is true) and that Leonie told her about Alexander (another lie - not looking good for Mia).

All the girls get a text at the same time. Sam says her battery sucks so we conveniently get Hanna reading the text out loud for us viewers. Alexander has arranged a benefit concert to make up for the damage so no one has to pay extra. BOY SAM WILL BE PERFORMING, and there will be a surprise musical act, too. I’m just glad to see the toilet man again. 

The girls are excited and Hanna’s like, TIME TO STOP STUDYING. I don’t think she needs much of an excuse, really.

Alex texts Mia to say if she doesn’t come tomorrow, he’ll cancel everything 😊 GODDAMMIT. I realize Alexander is supposed to be a dickhead, but do we really have to keep this manipulative crap? Can he not just be like … arrogant and jerkish without that element?

Kiki looks at Mia getting another text, and you can see the suspicion all over her face. Sam’s comment struck a match.

Clip 8 - Mia crosses that bridge, y’all

I love when we get a long-ass Friday clip, thanks, Druck!

Mia shows up to the benefit concert by herself, and Toilet Sam is rapping onstage. Hello again! She runs into Kiki and says she’ll join the group in a minute. Does she need to talk to Alexander first?

We see Mia putting on that bright red lipstick in the mirror. I am sure she’s doing it just because she likes the color and not because there are any Alexander-related motivations that she would never admit.

Mia notices Alex skulking across the club and staring at her like some kind of Edward Cullen wannabe. It’s only episode 5, I guess they still have time to pull off a sudden vampire twist. (And I mean ... Alexander did just pull Mia out of the path of a car ... a Twilight parallel if I ever saw one.)

Of course Alex sends her a text telling her she looks gorgeous. It looks like he wants her to drink with him; however, Sarah comes up to him and gives him a hug and kisses him on the cheek and talks to him. He doesn’t look very enthused, but Mia smirks and shakes her head at him. That Alexander, up to his old tricks! Between that and the copy orgy I’m sure she’s thinking Alexander and Sarah have a thing.

People dance and drink to Toilet Sam’s performance. We see Jonas getting really wasted, and Matteo seems kinda done with it, so it’s Hanna who pulls drunk Jonas off the dance floor, and he tries to kiss her. MY HEART. But she pushes him back and asks what’s up with him. He says, you’re what’s up with me. THE ANGST. I said this last season, but Anselm Bresgott is a great actor. He’s able to convey a lot of vulnerability with his eyes. 

When this happened I thought that maybe instead of drunk Eva/Vilde makeouts we would get sad intoxicated Jonas trying to kiss Matteo in this clip, and I was all for THE ANGST that would bring. Either that or Jonas was gonna make out with Toilet Sam. 

(He did not make out with either of them - yet - but it’s OK because there turned out to be enough of THE ANGST as it was.)

Alexander comes onstage and Toilet Sam gives him a shout-out for organizing, and that they beat their goal (by almost half, awesome). They’re giving the rest of the money to plant trees on campus, to make up for all the dead ones they spent showcasing students’ genitalia. How noble!

Sarah is the surprise performance of the night! So her contact with Alexander was not necessarily about them hooking up, but perhaps her thanking him for giving her the opportunity? Sarah sings idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish. 

After some more eye contact with Alexander, Mia leaves the room and goes upstairs. But Alexander stands in her path and won’t let her go to the bathroom. Come on, dude. You’ve been doing some things right but this episode you’re doing all these little entitled things.

He’s like, Mia, what do you want. He fixed everything? Everyone’s happy, so what’s her problem? LMAO again at this entitled attitude. She owes him nothing! The thing is - even if she really really likes him and wants to kiss him and be with him - she still owes him nothing! She’s allowed not to act on her feelings because she feels it’s a bad idea! Get out of here with this attitude that Mia is doing him wrong because she likes him but won’t give in and be with him.

He lets down his hood and rakes his hand through his hair in a strangely vampire-ish way, and says there’s something between them. He likes her a lot, but he’s tired of these games. Dude, you’re the one starting many of these games now. Yeah, Mia is definitely responsible for much of what happened earlier in the season, and she could certainly be better about not contacting him, but he’s also the one showing up at her place with a drink and telling her he’ll call everything off if she doesn’t show up to the benefit. He gives her the lines about if she doesn’t like him, say it to his face and he’ll leave her alone forever. Just as he says that, Kiki comes out of the bathroom, and there’s some heavy eye contact between her and Mia, and oh right, that’s what Mia doesn’t like him, that’s why Mia can’t be with him.

Heh, he put down his hoodie to confess to her, because he was being open about his feelings, and then when she’s rejected him, he puts it back up. He’s ~putting up his wall again. 

Mia then goes into the bathroom and has a mini-breakdown, as the song switches from the cover to the original. She’s teary, she’s wiping off her lipstick. Props again to Milena because she’s really selling this season. She looks for some toilet paper, but there’s only the cardboard for the roll. So she goes in her purse for something and comes up with the Post-It Alex left her about Hotel Hardenberg. Ahhhh, now that’s a nice little detail. I’m one of those people who just ... does not clean out her purse until she buys a new purse, lmao, so I can imagine Mia shoved it in there and forgot about it, without being very sentimental about it at the time. But I like that it came back at this crucial moment.

Mia grabs her coat and runs out of the club after him. When she catches up to him, they’re on opposite sides of a bridge, so we know what’s gonna happen. Someone’s gotta cross, or they have to meet in the middle.

She says it’s cold, he offers her a beanie, she comes forward and shows her own beanie, they both put on beanies at the same time. It’s a big beanie fest. What’s important that Mia crossed the bridge and closed the gap. The symbolism is obvious, but ... well, it’s there.

She says that she likes him, but doesn’t want to like him. He’s an egocentric prick, but then he was clever and funny and nice that one Friday, but then he disappears for a week and pulls that stunt copying his dick and plastering it around the school. Alex is like, who said that was my dick? Mia is like, well whose dick was it? Alex nods over her shoulder and we see Jonas stumbling around drunk as fuck. LMAO. Mia had Jonas’ dick pic in her backpack. She was going around thinking she got a glimpse of Alexander’s junk, showing it off to her roommate, and it was Jonas’ all along! And Hanna didn’t notice it was Jonas’ dick??? 

I mean, now I get why Alexander and Jonas bonded so quickly. They’re dick twins, if Kiki can mistake one for the other. I’m sure there’s some situation where that would come in handy (no pun intended?) 

Are the two of you going to help out this completely drunk Jonas who’s by himself and who’s wandering into the street before he gets hit by a car or something...

Alex is like, do I look like someone who whips out his dick when he’s drunk? (I mean...) His penis needs to stay an enigma. Okay, goddammit, that’s funny. But Mia correctly points out that every other girl at school knows his penis, so it’s not an enigma.

When Alex is like, now what, Mia looks past him and says, “Fuck,” and when he turns back to her she’s kissing him. Damn, she’s so smooth. They dramatically kiss and he doinks his forehead against hers, it’s quite sweet. Then Alex goes off into the night, probably to find a few necks to drain. He rummages around in his coat for a moment, making quite a show, and of course it’s his middle finger he finds and flashes at Mia. Flipping each other off becoming their romantic couples’ gesture? I’m here for it. 

He also does a little skip hop as he goes. Mia looks after him, smiling. Oh, Mia. Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

So that shot during the end credits, of her looking outside at something, is not her in the first kiss scene! When will any of these moments happen?

Social Media/General Comments

The week long hiatus was explained in-universe as an “insta detox” among the girls. Matteo did not let that stop him from posting his regularly scheduled memes, though. #fuckinstadetox

Hanna texts Matteo about why Jonas and Alex are acting all buddy-buddy, which we see in the clips, too. Matteo says he doesn’t know. I thought it was meant to be a red herring and that Alex was probably not directly involved in the prank, but Jonas probably was, and maybe Jonas decided to bro it up with Alex since he liked his motto. Except then Alex turned out to have participated in the prank. I guess their friendship escalated when Jonas had his dick out on the copy machine.

But I like seeing a William have friendly interactions with other characters. That was something I thought was kind of lacking with him in Skam, that we didn’t get a ton of insight into his other friendships. He didn’t seem to care much about Noora’s friends, and he was close with P-Chris obviously, but there wasn’t a ton of detail there as to why or what their relationship was like outside of girl drama. I understand that not every character has to be extroverted and buddy-buddy with others, but it makes me think a lot more of Alex as a person when we see him forming bonds with people who he does not want to bone.

Matteo then texted Jonas about the thing between him and Alex, and Jonas jokes that he couldn’t resist Alex’s face. Matteo is jealous! But totally not really jealous, you know, JOKING jealous. Totally. And when Jonas teases him about it, he says there’s no reason to be, Matteo is the only little bitch in his life. I legit want to pass out. And I think Matteo did too, because he sent back a heart emoji. Six minutes later. What happened in those six minutes? Was Matteo just sitting there staring at his phone, wondering how the hell to respond to that? Getting butterflies and heart palpitations in his skinny stoner body?

There are pictures of the benefit with the girl squad sans Mia ... after she left to run after Alex, maybe? ~Foreshadowing?

I’m Mia right now. I was so annoyed with little things Alexander did in this episode, and I’m still pissed at some of his past behavior, and yet I am charmed by him despite it all. It’s heavily due to the performance. I can’t believe Alexander was one of my least favorite Williams across the remakes based on the first season, and he’s skyrocketing here just by virtue of having a personality.

I also can’t believe I had doubts about Mia in the first season. She has my whole heart now, fuckups and all. 

Girl Sam and boy Sam were rapping together at benefit, according to IG. What if boy Sam replaced Kasper and made out with girl Sam in the finale, since it’s unlikely Manfred will fill that role (or at least I hope to God not)? I mean, if Kiki’s ultimately gonna be chill about Mia and Alexander, Hanna being chill about Sam and Sam wouldn’t be too much of a stretch.

In an alternate universe, this season turned into the German remake of American Vandal from here on out and we spent the next five episodes trying to figure out who covered the school in dicks.

I’m not German so please feel free to correct me/clarify stuff!

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

[hamburgergod]

deancaswc: @hamburgergod vs. @amirosebooks Prompt: “I would be lucky to even have a chance with you.” Pairing (s): Dean/Cas Word Count: 1.8k Rating: General Tags/Triggers: canon compliant, fluff, jukebox Summary: Dean learns, with gentle nudging from Cas, to pursue what he wants.

[AO3]

“Aw, sweetheart.” Dean moaned. “God damn, you’re beautiful. I would be lucky to even have a chance with you.”

“Dean,” said Sam. “Stop fondling the glass and let’s go.”

“I am not—”

“You were,” Cas said.

“Wha—No I wasn’t!” Dean gave a tattering huff as Sam and Cas walked away. “Guys, come on!”

Dean wistfully looked back at the beautiful figure of a jukebox displayed at the front of the store, searing her image into his eyes for just a little longer before he hurried to catch up with them.

Dean knew it was Cas that was walking towards him while he himself was under the Impala, giving her a good ol’ tune up. Dude really had to get better looking shoes than those fugly expensive pair of Blundstones.

Cas stopped beside him and nudged one of his legs with a foot. “If you wanted it so much, why didn’t you buy it?”

“Buy what?”

“The jukebox.”

Dean’s hand stalled for a moment. “I mean, where would we even put her? She’s too big.”

“We have enough space in the bunker.”

“Well, who knows whether I could actually set that thing up to work? I could be pouring money down the drain for nothing.”

“I’m sure you’d learn.”

“Jeez, thanks for the vote of confidence.” Dean rolled out from underneath the car and wiped down the wrench he was holding. “We don’t really need a jukebox. We already got a record player and Sam’s shitty ass iPod speakers.”

“Dean. You’re making excuses.”

“I—” Dean flushed. “I’m not! I’m just trying to be realistic here.”

Cas raised an eyebrow with a Look and Dean fidgeted with the wrench in hand, avoiding his piercing all-too-knowing eyes.

“Look, it’s not like I’m actually gonna go out and buy this thing.”

“Why not?”

“Because… Because! You just don’t go out and buy something like that. And it’s not good to have real thoughts like ‘oh where would I put her’ or ‘how many songs could she hold’ or whatever when I’m not even gonna buy her.”

Cas gave him a skeptical look.

“That’s just how humans work,” he added.

Cas narrowed his eyes further but he usually never argued when Dean pulled the ‘humans just do things this way’ card. It was a dick move but Dean just wanted Cas to get off his dick. Figuratively. Obviously.

But for some reason, Cas was just as persistent to see this argument to the end this time around. “Dean, you don’t need to hold yourself back on every thing you want.”

“I’m not!”

“You are. There was the jukebox, then the suit of medieval armour you were fond of, and that food processor that seemed to get you going for a while.”

Dean rubbed his cheek with a sigh only to remember the grease on his hands and grimaced at the tart sticky pull on his face. He had half a mind to joke ‘now look what you’ve done’ but he didn’t say that. He shrugged. Under the buzz of the brightly lit garage lights, there were no secrets he could hide. “It’s just what I’m used to, I guess.”

“To what?”

Dean’s hands were filthy. “When I want something, and I mean really want something, it’s… I try not to think about it too much.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I just never have.” Dean took a daring glance up at Cas. He gulped. “If I think about it too much then my head climbs up and up and up… and I end up with huge expectations. Usually don’t work out so well. My own damn fault,” he said with a tight smile.

Cas’s face fell and along with it, Dean’s heart to his stomach. Why couldn’t Cas ever laugh these things off? Always so god damn sincere. “Dean, you’re still allowed to want things.”

Bold of Cas to say something like that, the pinnacle of what Dean—

Dean waved the thought away, and he was about to wave Cas off with a flippant comment when Cas stepped right into his space just then, close enough for Dean to see the deeper lines on Cas’s face that had developed over the years. He raised a hand over to Dean’s cheek and for that second Dean sucked in a breath and held it, his heart beating in his ears. Cas gently wiped off the grease that was streaked across his face.

“If you ever change your mind,” Cas said ever so softly, “about the jukebox or anything else, I promise I’ll come with you.”

Dean stayed like that, frozen with Cas’s palm warm against his cheek.

“Okay?”

He nodded. “Okay,” he added just for good measures.

Cas flashed a brief smile and he slipped away out of the garage, every step he took against the concrete floor simultaneous with Dean’s heartbeat.

Dean stood there uselessly for a while longer, taking a moment to thumb over the spot on his face.

Still warm.

It took Dean a month or two to think it over, to really think it over and go through every reason on why he shouldn’t buy this jukebox only for Cas’s words to echo back to him. It took him a while longer to actually muster up the courage to knock on Cas’s door. But he did eventually knock on his door, and when he did, Cas was there on his feet, ready to kick back in the passenger seat on their drive to the store where they saw the jukebox.

“Someone probably already bought her,” Dean said mostly to himself on their way over.

“It might still be there,” replied Cas anyway, ever the optimist.

“Dude, did you even see her? She was fucking gorgeous. You’d have to be a fool to pass up on her.”

Cas gave him another Look and this time, Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, alright. Whatever, dude. I was a fool.”

“At least you know now,” said Cas.

In a way, Dean was sure it didn’t even matter if the jukebox was gone or not. Well, maybe it did, but Dean felt… light. Like he could achieve anything he put his mind to. It was the most free he’d felt in years and the whole drive over to the store, Dean only hoped to god that he wasn’t too late in making this choice.

Maybe Chuck was listening though he doubted it, or maybe the universe was finally granting him one thing in his life that he wanted, but the jukebox was still sitting neatly in the display as if she’d been waiting for him to take her home the whole time. It only took a few minutes and a pair of shaky hands to purchase her, a few more to load her up in the car, and there Dean was, driving back home with something he chose for himself. Not for Sam, not for dad, not even for mom, but just. For him.

“Where will you put it?” Cas asked.

Dean tapped his thumbs on the wheel to no particular rhythm. He grinned. “I have a place in mind.”

Cas helped him to carry her over as Dean explained.

“Sam doesn’t know about this place yet. Actually, you’re the first person in here so hey, welcome to the uh… the Cave. Dean Cave? I still have to work on the name.”

Dean flicked on the lights and stationed the jukebox to the side where she fit in perfectly while Cas looked around the room. Dean didn’t have much in here with only band posters and album covers adoring the walls, but the jukebox made for a pretty sight in the otherwise empty room.

“When did you…?”

Dean shrugged. “I always wanted a room like this, to sort of hang back with a beer and play pool or whatever. It’s not much and I don’t have a lot to fill up the space right now, but I just… went for it anyway. And hey.” Dean chuckled. “Turns out, acting out on what I want is a lot more exciting than just thinking about it.”

Cas smiled all soft and knowing and this time, Dean didn’t ignore the flutter that came from the sight. He did fumble with the quarters but nobody could fault him for that. “Anyway, let’s give ‘er a whirl.”

The previous owner sure had some good taste and Dean recognized a number of songs. He picked whatever first song he was familiar with, which happened to be Entre Nous by Rush. As soon as he plugged the number in, the electric piano and the beats of the drum and the guitar filled the room along with Dean’s heart, and Dean was just glad that they decided to do this whole ordeal while Sam was out.

“Pretty good, right?”

Cas grinned and nodded, walking towards him to peer over his shoulders. “I know that one,” he said, pointing out Ramble On. Dean had put it into Cas’s Zeppelin tape. “Play that one next.”

Dean nodded, his lips so much drier than it was moments ago as he queued up the song. For a while they stood side by side with their shoulders snug against each other, letting the music wash over them. Entre Nous faded away. For all he’d done for it, Dean hoped that the universe was ready to grant him one more thing. “Hey, Cas?”

Cas was so god damn close to his face that Dean could practically count every one of his eyelashes. “Mm?”

“Thanks for... well. You know.” And Dean leaned over and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

With almost comical timing, Ramble On started playing as Cas slowly turned his head, wide-eyed as he registered what’d just happened and… and a smile spread slowly over his lips and he leaned forward slightly, leaving just enough space for Dean to come forward and accept should he choose.

Dean licked his dry, dry lips, with Robert Plant cooing softly in the background. It was almost time for the chorus.

And this time, with their hand linked over the jukebox, Dean leaned over and kissed Cas properly. Cas’s arm wrapped around his waist and pulled them closer, deepening the kiss with another breath taken between them. Dean only realized he’d closed his eyes when he opened them again, and Cas was grinning at him with his lips red and sweet from their kisses.

“Did that meet your expectations?” Cas asked.

Dean blinked, and huffed even as his face grew hotter to match the shade of Cas’s lips. He nodded, hoping that his grin was as bright as Cas’s. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah.”

And he was sure, as they kissed again, that the universe had nothing to do with it at all, but it’d been just them all along.