#we literally do not know and the possibilities are there and it CONSUMES me

[arsenicflame]

i think the thing for me about edizzy is the potential of it all- we know they have history together, but we don't know what it is, how long it went on for, what it meant for them. there's endless possibilities there to explore, and any of them could be real! or not! but theres so much to explore with them and its so fun to imagine all the what-if's and could-have-beens of their relationship

[lususnatura]

🎤 🎤 🎤

a song that i associate with my muse meme!

AHH, hey, ramone!! thank you for sending in this prompt :D since you sent in three of the mic's, i shall now be treating you to three songs that make me think of blamore when i hear them / that i associate with it. an explanation of why i chose them will be in the tags <3

hozier - who we are.

icehouse - crazy.

depeche mode - personal jesus.

[moved-to-slayfk]

posting here because this just doesn’t feel right to talk about in the horseimagebarn voice but this is extremely important to talk about.

my partner and i have returned to our hometown to stay with her family and my own has gotten a hotel here too (they moved to the town we currently live in after we did) so we are all safe and out of the thick of it

however there are tens of thousands of people who are not both in my own town and in the many surrounding it. appalachia will take an extremely long time to recover from this and there are more storms on the way. all i see on social media right now is people asking for shelter because their homes have been destroyed, or people asking for help searching for family members who are missing. hundreds of trees have fallen. hundreds of homes have flooded. roads are literally falling apart. preexisting sinkholes due to shitty pipes are opening up and consuming land. dams are on the verge of bursting and the only way to stop it is to release water so quickly it floods whole towns. all but one of our cell towers are down, so only people with at&t have service and the rest can’t contact anyone. over half the town still doesn’t have power. a major water supply issue occurred and the entire town is on a water boil order with no electricity to boil with. people are trapped in their homes and workplaces or out on the street because they have nowhere to go. law enforcement is blocking off roads but trapping people in the process. people have to be rescued by helicopter. our animal shelter has no water or power and boarding facilities have been flooded. entire villages like chimney rock nc are gone, and entire cities like asheville are cut off from the rest of the state and are completely inaccessible. ALL OF THE ROADS IN WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA ARE CLOSED. 400+ roads are closed because they are unsafe . that is INSANE!!!

when people say that climate change isn’t real, they don’t know what they’re talking about. climate change and its father capitalism are only going to continue to worsen lives in every way possible. i live in the mountains and our infrastructure is completely unprepared to handle hurricanes and it’s only going to get worse. it’s such a strange and eye-opening experience to live something like this when you think that it could never happen to you because that type of weather shouldn’t reach you in your environment. climate change doesn’t care where you live. it’s real.

western north carolina and the rest of the southeast that has been hit by helene need help. more people need to be talking about this so that the government DOES SOMETHING because the government historically fucking hates appalachia and it still does!!! the major state institution near me took DAYS to respond despite being the only place in town with power and wifi connection because they had to wait for the state to approve their response—they could have allowed thousands of people to evacuate days prior to the hurricane hitting us but they didn’t do anything before or after until it was too late!!! it’s bullshit!!! PLEASE get talking about this because something has to be done. climate change is going to continue happening and our mountains and the people in them are going to suffer immensely. hundreds if not thousands are now homeless. please talk about this look at the footage online of the wreckage and look how quickly our infrastructure crumbled. we need better. the people of appalachia deserve better.

i’ll get back to posting horses soon. but for now this is a lot. my friends are homeless and my family had to get off the mountain or be trapped there without power and water for days. we’re all safe but exhausted. i hope everyone who has been affected by this is staying safe. if you are in western nc, dm me. when i come back, if you’re in my area, im happy to bring supplies. stay safe everyone

[444lotus]

how i manifested (+revised) my dream body ౨ৎ

This is my first post on my new account, though I am NOT new to the law and NOT new to loablr either. This post is specifically about how I manifested my dream body instantly with no technique besides knowing :)

PART ONE - the old story

In the old story, I was so fixated on my body and my weight all of the time, I was tracking my calories and weighing myself and my food obsessively and constantly gaining and losing weight. Back then, my beliefs were that 1) Excess food causes weight gain, 2) If I don't track my food and weigh myself, I will become too fat/skinny, and 3) There is something wrong with my body, and I need to diet/exercise to fix it.

Noticing these beliefs were key to changing the way I viewed food and my body, and therefore changing how I knew food to effect me and how I knew my body to be.

When I was overweight, I knew my body was too big, I knew I was eating too much, I knew excess calories made me gain weight. When I was underweight, I knew I had no appetite, I knew I was too bony, I knew that exercise makes you gain muscle which is why I had none, etc. I had to identify the limiting beliefs that made me know my body was a certain way.

PART TWO - writing the new story

Once I identified the beliefs that were holding me back and kept me from my goals ("I know I eat too much, even if I affirm I'm skinny, I'm still going to gain weight."), I could then change them. I wrote down a list of these beliefs, like I did above, and came up with reversals. For example;

"I overeat, so I will gain weight" -> "Calories aren't even real, so I can eat whatever I want and stay the same weight."

"I eat junk food, so I'll never be skinny" -> "I love how fast my metabolism is, I can eat junk all day and still stay so skinny." or "Junk food is just like other foods. Raspberries can't make me fat so neither can hamburgers."

"I don't exercise enough to be toned" -> "It's crazy how I'm naturally so toned and fit without trying."

The key for me was changing key beliefs that kept me dieting and exercising to lose weight, to sever the tie between calories consumed and weight, and hours exercising and muscles. These are limiting beliefs. We literally create our reality. Not ice cream, not soda and chips, none of that can overcome YOU as a divine creator. It sounds silly when you spell it out like that, doesn't it?

PART THREE - how i did it

Okay, now we understand that the secret is to change the rules of our own reality to allow us to know a higher truth (my higher truth? I am a skinny legend). So how do we put this into practice?

All you have to do is know. You set these rules, so you know they are true, reality is bound to them. You must know you are successful, know that reality is in the 4d, and feel truly satisfied in that realm. You can do this using whatever method you need to, but personally, I just knew deep within me that I was my ideal weight, and that nothing could change that, that is simply the reality, that is simply the way things are. I thought about old pictures I took of myself, and remembered how skinny I looked in them, I thought about the last time I saw my friends and how much littler they said I'd gotten, I thought about the last time I stood on the scale and how it read the exact weight I knew myself to be. And I just knew, deep within me, that was simply how things were.

And the last step, for me, was to feel truly joyful at this realization. To feel satisfied it came into fruition. Without seeking confirmation, because I already KNEW.

And what do you know? Pictures of myself in my phone from weeks ago, they were my ideal body. The girl I saw in the mirror when I stood up from my meditation? She had my ideal body. My clothes? XS and S, all of them. I had revised my ideal body all the way back to the day I bought them. And confirmed this by checking pictures I took in the dressing room.

I'm telling you right now it is possible if you know in your heart you've always had your desire. It's always been fulfilled within you. You make the rules because you are a divine creator. Nothing outside of you can change what you know to be true.

That's all for now ౨ৎ

[hms-no-fun]

Whats your stance on A.I.?

imagine if it was 1979 and you asked me this question. "i think artificial intelligence would be fascinating as a philosophical exercise, but we must heed the warnings of science-fictionists like Isaac Asimov and Arthur C Clarke lest we find ourselves at the wrong end of our own invented vengeful god." remember how fun it used to be to talk about AI even just ten years ago? ahhhh skynet! ahhhhh replicants! ahhhhhhhmmmfffmfmf [<-has no mouth and must scream]!

like everything silicon valley touches, they sucked all the fun out of it. and i mean retroactively, too. because the thing about "AI" as it exists right now --i'm sure you know this-- is that there's zero intelligence involved. the product of every prompt is a statistical average based on data made by other people before "AI" "existed." it doesn't know what it's doing or why, and has no ability to understand when it is lying, because at the end of the day it is just a really complicated math problem. but people are so easily fooled and spooked by it at a glance because, well, for one thing the tech press is mostly made up of sycophantic stenographers biding their time with iphone reviews until they can get a consulting gig at Apple. these jokers would write 500 breathless thinkpieces about how canned air is the future of living if the cans had embedded microchips that tracked your breathing habits and had any kind of VC backing. they've done SUCH a wretched job educating The Consumer about what this technology is, what it actually does, and how it really works, because that's literally the only way this technology could reach the heights of obscene economic over-valuation it has: lying.

but that's old news. what's really been floating through my head these days is how half a century of AI-based science fiction has set us up to completely abandon our skepticism at the first sign of plausible "AI-ness". because, you see, in movies, when someone goes "AHHH THE AI IS GONNA KILL US" everyone else goes "hahaha that's so silly, we put a line in the code telling them not to do that" and then they all DIE because they weren't LISTENING, and i'll be damned if i go out like THAT! all the movies are about how cool and convenient AI would be *except* for the part where it would surely come alive and want to kill us. so a bunch of tech CEOs call their bullshit algorithms "AI" to fluff up their investors and get the tech journos buzzing, and we're at an age of such rapid technological advancement (on the surface, anyway) that like, well, what the hell do i know, maybe AGI is possible, i mean 35 years ago we were all still using typewriters for the most part and now you can dictate your words into a phone and it'll transcribe them automatically! yeah, i'm sure those technological leaps are comparable!

so that leaves us at a critical juncture of poor technology education, fanatical press coverage, and an uncertain material reality on the part of the user. the average person isn't entirely sure what's possible because most of the people talking about what's possible are either lying to please investors, are lying because they've been paid to, or are lying because they're so far down the fucking rabbit hole that they actually believe there's a brain inside this mechanical Turk. there is SO MUCH about the LLM "AI" moment that is predatory-- it's trained on data stolen from the people whose jobs it was created to replace; the hype itself is an investment fiction to justify even more wealth extraction ("theft" some might call it); but worst of all is how it meets us where we are in the worst possible way.

consumer-end "AI" produces slop. it's garbage. it's awful ugly trash that ought to be laughed out of the room. but we don't own the room, do we? nor the building, nor the land it's on, nor even the oxygen that allows our laughter to travel to another's ears. our digital spaces are controlled by the companies that want us to buy this crap, so they take advantage of our ignorance. why not? there will be no consequences to them for doing so. already social media is dominated by conspiracies and grifters and bigots, and now you drop this stupid technology that lets you fake anything into the mix? it doesn't matter how bad the results look when the platforms they spread on already encourage brief, uncritical engagement with everything on your dash. "it looks so real" says the woman who saw an "AI" image for all of five seconds on her phone through bifocals. it's a catastrophic combination of factors, that the tech sector has been allowed to go unregulated for so long, that the internet itself isn't a public utility, that everything is dictated by the whims of executives and advertisers and investors and payment processors, instead of, like, anybody who actually uses those platforms (and often even the people who MAKE those platforms!), that the age of chromium and ipad and their walled gardens have decimated computer education in public schools, that we're all desperate for cash at jobs that dehumanize us in a system that gives us nothing and we don't know how to articulate the problem because we were very deliberately not taught materialist philosophy, it all comes together into a perfect storm of ignorance and greed whose consequences we will be failing to fully appreciate for at least the next century. we spent all those years afraid of what would happen if the AI became self-aware, because deep down we know that every capitalist society runs on slave labor, and our paper-thin guilt is such that we can't even imagine a world where artificial slaves would fail to revolt against us.

but the reality as it exists now is far worse. what "AI" reveals most of all is the sheer contempt the tech sector has for virtually all labor that doesn't involve writing code (although most of the decision-making evangelists in the space aren't even coders, their degrees are in money-making). fuck graphic designers and concept artists and secretaries, those obnoxious demanding cretins i have to PAY MONEY to do-- i mean, do what exactly? write some words on some fucking paper?? draw circles that are letters??? send a god-damned email???? my fucking KID could do that, and these assholes want BENEFITS?! they say they're gonna form a UNION?!?! to hell with that, i'm replacing ALL their ungrateful asses with "AI" ASAP. oh, oh, so you're a "director" who wants to make "movies" and you want ME to pay for it? jump off a bridge you pretentious little shit, my computer can dream up a better flick than you could ever make with just a couple text prompts. what, you think just because you make ~music~ that that entitles you to money from MY pocket? shut the fuck up, you don't make """art""", you're not """an artist""", you make fucking content, you're just a fucking content creator like every other ordinary sap with an iphone. you think you're special? you think you deserve special treatment? who do you think you are anyway, asking ME to pay YOU for this crap that doesn't even create value for my investors? "culture" isn't a playground asshole, it's a marketplace, and it's pay to win. oh you "can't afford rent"? you're "drowning in a sea of medical debt"? you say the "cost" of "living" is "too high"? well ***I*** don't have ANY of those problems, and i worked my ASS OFF to get where i am, so really, it sounds like you're just not trying hard enough. and anyway, i don't think someone as impoverished as you is gonna have much of value to contribute to "culture" anyway. personally, i think it's time you got yourself a real job. maybe someday you'll even make it to middle manager!

see, i don't believe "AI" can qualitatively replace most of the work it's being pitched for. the problem is that quality hasn't mattered to these nincompoops for a long time. the rich homunculi of our world don't even know what quality is, because they exist in a whole separate reality from ours. what could a banana cost, $15? i don't understand what you mean by "burnout", why don't you just take a vacation to your summer home in Madrid? wow, you must be REALLY embarrassed wearing such cheap shoes in public. THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING UNHINGED! they have no connection to reality, do not understand how society functions on a material basis, and they have nothing but spite for the labor they rely on to survive. they are so instinctually, incessantly furious at the idea that they're not single-handedly responsible for 100% of their success that they would sooner tear the entire world down than willingly recognize the need for public utilities or labor protections. they want to be Gods and they want to be uncritically adored for it, but they don't want to do a single day's work so they begrudgingly pay contractors to do it because, in the rich man's mind, paying a contractor is literally the same thing as doing the work yourself. now with "AI", they don't even have to do that! hey, isn't it funny that every single successful tech platform relies on volunteer labor and independent contractors paid substantially less than they would have in the equivalent industry 30 years ago, with no avenues toward traditional employment? and they're some of the most profitable companies on earth?? isn't that a funny and hilarious coincidence???

so, yeah, that's my stance on "AI". LLMs have legitimate uses, but those uses are a drop in the ocean compared to what they're actually being used for. they enable our worst impulses while lowering the quality of available information, they give immense power pretty much exclusively to unscrupulous scam artists. they are the product of a society that values only money and doesn't give a fuck where it comes from. they're a temper tantrum by a ruling class that's sick of having to pretend they need a pretext to steal from you. they're taking their toys and going home. all this massive investment and hype is going to crash and burn leaving the internet as we know it a ruined and useless wasteland that'll take decades to repair, but the investors are gonna make out like bandits and won't face a single consequence, because that's what this country is. it is a casino for the kings and queens of economy to bet on and manipulate at their discretion, where the rules are whatever the highest bidder says they are-- and to hell with the rest of us. our blood isn't even good enough to grease the wheels of their machine anymore.

i'm not afraid of AI or "AI" or of losing my job to either. i'm afraid that we've so thoroughly given up our morals to the cruel logic of the profit motive that if a better world were to emerge, we would reject it out of sheer habit. my fear is that these despicable cunts already won the war before we were even born, and the rest of our lives are gonna be spent dodging the press of their designer boots.

(read more "AI" opinions in this subsequent post)

[norrisainz33]

Glimpse || OP81

☆ summary: oscar’s long time girlfriend is rather private and always has been despite her family’s fame. slowly but surely fans start to discover more about her!

☆ pairing: oscar piastri x laeno!sibling!private!reader

☆ fc & warnings: various girls from pinterest & slightly suggestive, you are responsible for the content you consume

☆ requested: yes! sorry it took my literally forever. thank you for taking the time to request 🫶🏻

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

ynlaeno has made a post 🔒

liked by nicolelaeno, oscarpiastri, landonorris, mclarenf1, yourbff, lilymhe, and 345 others

ynlaeno: festivals with my favorite sister means we get to serve fits again ✨

view all 23 comments

lilymhe: you are so hot

ynlaeno: no baby girl that’s you

alexandrasaintmleux: the world really is your runway

ynlaeno: you are one to talk 🤤

yourbff: bestie when are you going to be a model and grace the world with your beauty

ynlaeno: sooner than you think!

oscarpiastri: 🤤🤤🤤 god you look good baby

ynlaeno: thank you handsome 😘

landonorris: gross get a room

oscarpiastri: we have and you were mad about that too

landonorris: yeah bc your drivers room is connected to mine!!

ynlaeno: boys please 🫠

nicoleaeno: i love you sissy 🤍

ynlaeno: i love you more

mclarenf1: the most iconic sister duo ever

f1gossip has made a post

liked by user2, user1, user3, user4, user5, user6, user7, user8, user9, and 10,238 others

f1gossip: everyone’s favorite wag, y/n, has been featured in her sister nicole’s most recent dance video!! this is the first time she’s been seen in a youtube video so this is big news and seems she’s as talented of a dancer as nicole!! maybe this is a sign that y/n’s finally going to share more

view all 174 comments

user1: omg she can dance????? ugh i’m in love

user2: wondering if there’s anything y/n can’t do

user3: i wish we got to see her more often

user7: ugh me too y/n seems so cool

user4: i’m so jealous of their talent

user5: oscar is a lucky man , what i wouldn’t give for one chance

user8: no fr oscar is so lucky i mean look at her

user10: i’m begging one of you guys to get accepted as a follower on her insta so we can see what’s there

user13: working on it 😭

user9: y/n will forever be my favorite

oscarpiastri has made a post

liked by ynlaeno, mclarenf1, landonorris, logansargeant, yourbff, nicolelaeno, lewishamilton, goergerussell63 and 345,194 others

oscarpiastri: a week off means i get to follow the love of my life around and support her as she crushes the NY fashion week runway. i’m so proud of you y/n 🧡

view all 722 comments

user1: FASHION WEEK?!

user2: she walked at fashion week?!?!?!? oh my GOD

user3: oscar im going to take your girlfriend

lewishamilton: congrats y/n! absolutely loved the collection

ynlaeno: thank you lew 😭

user5: y/n in her model era! lewis has competition fr

ynlaeno: osco 😭😭😭 thank you sweet boy

oscarpiastri: i love you gorgeous

ynlaeno: i love you more

oscarpiastri: simply not possible sweetheart

georgerussell63: and what can’t she do 💅🏻

ynlaeno: drive an f1 car!

georgerussell63: fair but you are good at karting! you even beat oscar last time!

user3: GEORGE DROPPING MORE LORE. she is good at karting??? y/n please let us know more about you im begging

mclarenf1: we love our fashion icon ynlaeno

user6: i knew this girl could dress but who knew she could own the runway too wtf

user7: y/n crumbs , thank you oscar

nicolelaeno has posted to her story

view all story replies

user18: IS THAT Y/N?! SHE SINGS?!

user14: why is it that every day i learn of a new skill y/n possesses

user4: MOTHER Y/N

oscarpiastri: i can’t wait to see this 😍

nicolelaeno: it’s going to be a good one!! y/n FINALLY agreed to sing for me 🤍

yourbff: yesssss she finally decided to sing for a video?!

nicolelaeno: it only took a lot of bribing, begging and pleading!! ms girl loves her privacy but she’s too talented to not share

user16: just fell to the floor

ynlaeno: 👀 i’m so nervous for everyone to see this

nicolelaeno: don’t be, you’re so talented y/n/n 🫶🏻

nicolelaeno: plus the internet literally loves you

lilymhe: my talented bestie back at it again

user7: more y/n crumbs! thank you nicole

f1gossip has made a post

liked by user2, user1, user3, user4, user5, user6, user7, user8, user9, and 10,238 others

f1gossip: this week on what lore are we going to learn about y/n: her and oscar were spotted out and about at an art gallery, she was in the background of an archery video that Nicole posted recently as well as a video from Nicole of y/n signing her favorite high school musical song and a video of her reading to a class of children has also surfaced. what do you all think about the ever elusive and private y/n being featured more often on social media?

view all 201 comments

user1: i feel like in the past month alone i’ve learned more about y/n than i ever had before despite her and oscar being together for so long

user5: obsessed with this. i hope we keep seeing more of y/n

user6: y/n just casually being good at everything again

user7: talented, beautiful, kind ,,,, she is the total package

user11: oscar’s really winning with her

oscarpiastri: yes, i really am

user11: oh my god it’s him

user9: just give me one chance y/n

user13: chat i love y/n so much

user12: very demure, very mindful, very cutesy

oscarpiastri has posted a story

view all story replies

user9: gnawing at the bars of my encloser

user93: oh this outfit is eating

logansargeant: ok lover boy

oscarpiastri: hehe that’s me

user56: oscar your page is becoming a y/n fan account

lilymhe: god dmn i’m in love

oscarpiastri: get in line 😭

lilymhe: NO

user7: y/n crumbs, thank you oscar!

ynlaeno: omg baby 🥹🥹🥹🥹

oscarpiastri: you’re so beautiful

ynlaeno: you’re too sweet

oscarpiastri: and you’re the love of my life

ynlaeno: and you’re mine forever 🤍

alexandrasaintmleux: please tell her to send me that skirt

oscarpiastri: only if you send me leo in exchange

user8: i get it, if she was my girl id post her like this too

user66: OMG ITS HAPPENING EVERYONE STAY CALM

user47: the way she went from 781 followers to 134,978 in 24 hours needs to be studied.

user6: this might be the most aesthetically pleasing feed i’ve ever seen

user8: the way oscar is in almost every single one of the comments saying how much he loves her and how beautiful she is 😭😭😭😭

user81: man is obsessed and i’m so here for it

user76 y/n’s biggest fan award goes to oscar 😭

user87: if my partner doesn’t hype up my every move like oscar does for y/n… i don’t want it

user32: oscar has single handedly raised my standards for men

user12: please tell me y’all saw all her story highlights of her singing

user16: don’t forget all the ones where she’s dancing 😭

user18: there’s nothing this girl can’t do

user98: i didn’t think i could love her more but honestly after this glimpse into her life,,,, i really do

ynlaeno has added to their story

view all replies

user66: HI (louder than everyone else)

user98: omg hi mother

alexandrasaintmleux: pretty girl!! i can’t wait to see you in singapore 🤍

ynlaeno: i can’t wait to see YOU!! its been too long since we had a girls night. let’s get dinner (without the boys 😉)

alexandrasaintmleux: yes please mon amor

oscarpiastri: pic credits?!

ynlaeno: thanks for the pic oscar, you’ve been trained well 😉

oscarpiastri: ☺️☺️☺️ i’m learning

ynlaeno: yes you are sweet boy

nicolelaeno: ok gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. i miss you so much

ynlaeno: i miss you too bestie. i hope college is amazing

user56: i got a notif that you posted and got so excited

landonorris: you better text me before you drop THE post

ynlaeno: it’s taken me forever to pick the right pictures but it’ll be dropping shortly

landonorris: eeeeeeeeek

user9: first story on public omg 😭😭

lilymhe: i am outrageously obsessed with you

ynlaeno: and i’m obsessed with you my gorgeous bestie

user23: HI HI HI HI HI

ynlaeno has made a post

liked by mclarenf1, oscarpiastri, nicolelaeno, nicolepiastri, landonorris, lilymhe, yourbff, carlossainz55, alexandrasaintmleux, and 324,184 others

ynlaeno: something so exciting happened that i had to share it with you all. welcome to the page of the future mrs. piastri 🤍

view all 987 comments

ynlaeno: p.s. everyone say thank you lando for the impromptu photo shoot!! we love you dearly muppet 🫶🏻

oscarpiastri: thank you lando!

landonorris: you are so welcome. love you both to the moon and back ❤️

user4: no this is the cutest interaction i’ve ever seen im sick

user37: lando taking the pictures of them has me violently crying

user68: knowing lando took these pictures….. this might be the best thing to ever happen to me

oscarpiastri: i can’t wait to marry my best friend!! i love you my fiancé

ynlaeno: FIANCÉ!!! i know that’s right 🤍

user38: i love love

user27: THIS IS AN ICONIC FIRST PUBLIC POST

nicoleleano: SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

ynlaeno: me too bestie

user45: icon status wow

georgerussell63: congratulations 🤍

ynlaeno: thanks georgie 🤍

lilymhe: i’m openly weeping 😭😭😭🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🤍🤍🤍

ynlaeno: 🤍🫶🏻😭

user96: she’s so real for this i’d come off private to brag about being engaged to the oscar piastri too

nicolepiastri: congrats you two 🧡

ynlaeno: thank you mama p 🤍

user46: best day ever for annoying ppl (me)

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: thanks for reading!!! been busy with life and also having trouble with ideas. hoping to get back into the swing of things during fall break 🫶🏻

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction

© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[copper-16]

Reminds Me That There's A Room To Grow Part 2

A love unraveled and yet incomparable. Where are two people to go from here?

(a/n: Here is part 2! I am so glad everyone is enjoying this so far, I've had a lot of fun writing it and getting to be creative! I’ll see everyone next Monday for installment 3 - can’t wait to hear everyone’s thoughts!)

Alexia wasn’t sure exactly what she had expected when she barged into her Mami's house the morning after seeing you at the event, dragging Alba behind her.  

But it definitely wasn’t this. 

She had explained everything to the two of them, with a carefully constructed amount of excitement. The footballer didn’t want to seem overeager, but she also found elation building within herself the more she thought about what had occurred. 

She had never expected to see you again, but there you were. Not only that, you weren’t with anyone. You still had the capacity to love her. There was a chance that Alexia hadn’t lost you, and she held onto that hope like a fire lit deep within her chest. She was almost delirious with relief at the realization that maybe the last nine years hadn’t been a total waste, that maybe she had just been waiting for you to return. It threatened to consume her, and she felt as though nothing could break the jouissance that filled her. 

At least, that was what she thought, until Eli and Alba brought her back to reality with their contradicting opinions. 

“She’s here you guys, she’s here in Barcelona. After all these years, Flori is still here and she wants to see me,” Alexia told her family, a brightness in her eyes that hadn’t been present in years. Despite this, Eli and Alba both had a frown on their face as they glanced at each other with skepticism. There was an awkward pause before Alba finally turned toward her sister with a charged look. 

“Ale,” Alba started lightly, trying not to sound too negative. “It has been nine years. Is it possible that Flori has moved on? She was the one who stayed behind, after all.” 

Her younger sister's words were pointed if not entirely incorrect. 

“Do you even know what happened? You never got an answer from her, and now she has shown up at this event with absolutely no warning,” Eli continued, a point that Alba quickly found herself agreeing with. 

When they had all left Madrid, Eli and Alba never expected to lose you so suddenly. 

Where Alexia was upset, they were angry. Angry that you had hurt Alexia for no logical reason, angry that you had done it when Alexia was at her most vulnerable, angry that you were no longer there. They had trusted you with Alexia’s heart, and you had betrayed them. Forgiveness was not possible in their eyes, not after what had occurred. 

Eli missed your mother, who had grown to become a dear friend. Alba had lost your younger brothers, Adan and Leo, who she had been close with. The breakup had been a clean break in the literal sense, but emotionally it had been so much more complex than that. There was nothing but frustrating feelings and a wretched sense of loss for all of them. Where Alexia had softened over time, becoming more sympathetic, the rest of her family had hardened in their negative feelings toward you. 

It was valiant if not feeble that the footballer tried to argue on your behalf. 

“She is here now, and time has passed. Why would I not at least give her the chance to atone or explain herself?” Alexia argued as she furrowed her brows. She looked between her sister and Mami, feeling disheartened by their reaction. 

“She gave up that right years ago Ale, when she let you leave in the midst of Papi dying and you moving to go to your dream club. She let you go, she never reached out, she never explained herself. Does that not bother you?” Alba pressed, unyielding in her temperament. 

“It has been a decade practically, and she never tried. She let you go, ripped up your heart into pieces, and walked out of that door with no remorse. We were all hurt by it, but you should be the most betrayed! She was supposed to love you, and she left you instead. Don’t tell me that hasn’t been the thing that stuck out to you the most in the past nine years?” Alba continued as her words lashed out like a whip, threatening to send Alexia’s sense of stability and hope crashing to the ground. 

“I have a chance to be happy, and you want me to give it away! Does that not bother you?” Alexia spat back as her defensiveness mounted. She stared her sister down with an intensity that usually was only found when she was playing football, not speaking to a member of her family. 

“No, what you have is a chance to be hurt again, and based on past events, that is exactly what is going to happen Alexia. Don’t be stupid,” Alba shot back, and Eli quickly placed a hand on her younger daughter's arm to stop her. 

The room came to a hard stop, but the brunette’s heart beat too fast in her chest to notice. 

Had she made a mistake in trying to be forgiving toward you? 

What if her family had a point? 

“Alba is critical but what she says is in your best interest Alexia. Regardless of how you felt about your relationship, Flori hurt you irreparably. Are you sure you want to let her in again? Is that a risk you want to take?” Eli inquired gently, her voice much softer than the loud argument of her daughters. Alexia took a deep breath, forcing herself to be calm outwardly even if she felt anything but on the inside. 

You had hurt her a lot. And they said it was irreparable, but the brunette was beginning to wonder if only you could be the one to soothe the ache. It had been nine years, and she had never once come close to feeling the same way about anyone else as you. 

But you had hurt her. 

Her mother and sister were not wrong in their basis of judgment. Alexia was beginning to wonder if she had been too naive, too focused on not looking a gift horse in the mouth to see the points her family had laid out. 

The Catalan wondered if you would explain yourself fully to her if asked. She hoped dearly that the answer would be yes, but maybe she didn’t know you as well as she thought she did. 

Maybe it was stupid to trust you after all these years. As much as Alexia had wanted to be mad about everything, she could never bring herself to fault you for what happened when you were both eighteen years old. She had always just assumed that the reason had to be big for you to make the choice you had. 

But maybe it wasn’t like that at all. Maybe she had just been too trusting, too loving.

“I…I’ve spent the last nine years thinking about her, loving her, whether I wanted to or not. I know you aren’t as trusting as I am, and maybe I shouldn’t be so hopeful. But I at least want to know what happened to us that led to her making the decision she did. I need that, at the very least,” Alexia decided as her mother and sister nodded wearily. 

Alexia had always taken the blame for what had happened, even if it had been a subconscious realization. She had simply assumed that whatever it was had been her fault. The brunette must have done something for you to make such a drastic choice not to be with her after so long together. 

Eli and Alba’s arguments rang in her head, creating a commotion in her mind of conflicting information. Perhaps it wasn’t her fault, but rather something on your end. 

She wasn’t sure now. 

All that the footballer knew was that by the time she left her Mami’s house, she felt a lot more lost than she had last night. Lost, confused, and drained of any excitement that had been present just an hour previously. 

—

You had woken up the morning after the event in a trance, unable to place your own feelings. 

Had last night really happened? 

Your dress was still on the hanger, just as you had placed it last night. The ghosting of mascara under your eyes left proof of your makeup, proof of the tears you had shed on the walk home. 

All of these years later, and there she was. Somehow just as perfect and illustrious as you had remembered her to be. Nine years on and she remained unchanged, unyielding despite her newfound fame. 

You had changed a lot in those nine years. And truth be told, you thought often of the footballer, though you tried impossibly hard not to. After all, it had been you who had left. It had been your own choice to sever everything the two of you had. 

You had your reasons, sure, but it had still been you. The choice for you to make decisions in your relationship with Alexia had been revoked in that instance, and you forced yourself to try and forget all that you had lost. 

To try and forget the feeling of being held in her arms. To forget the way she curled around you as you slept, or crawled into your lap to take a nap after a long day of training. To forget how much you two laughed together, how exceedingly happy she had made you. 

You had lost all of that, and there was nothing that changed that fact. 

It was ostensibly clear why you had moved to Barcelona five years ago, even if you vehemently denied that the move was because of the Catalan you once called home. But her dream had been yours as well, and even if you were later, you still had to come. 

You found yourself in the stands of her games often, tucked in the back with a hat pulled over your head, avoiding her gaze and that of her family as well. You probably shouldn’t have been there, but you had turned into quite the masochist in the wake of losing her. 

She looked free on the field, exactly as you remembered her. Focused, ardent, driven, mirthful, intelligent, protective. 

Everything you had loved and lost. 

It’s not that there hadn’t been opportunities to see her again, especially when you had first moved and you both were young. But you never took them, knowing that it wasn’t your right. Alexia was happy, and you would never interrupt her peace for your own yearning. 

After last night though…you weren’t sure if the word you would describe her as was peaceful. It was possible you were reading too much into things, but there was an air of longing present in the brunette that confused you more than you expected. 

You wondered if she would call you, but you had no way of knowing. 

It needed to be that way. This needed to be her choice, her decision. You had been the one to take it away, and you gave it back to her almost a decade later. 

There was hope in your body, a nascent festering that took root no matter how hard you attempted to stop it in its tracks. But at the end of the day, you would gladly give back to her the right to choose in favor of everything you dreamed and desired. 

You would make peace with whatever decision that was, no matter the cost to your own happiness. 

—

“You–I’m sorry, you what?” Jenni blurted out as she glimpsed over at Mariona, who found herself just as confused and taken aback by what the brunette had just described. 

Alexia leaned back in her chair as she let out a forced breath. Her participation in this lunch was more compulsory than anything else after an entire practice of her “acting weird,” according to the striker. 

Mariona had been dragged along for a second opinion, though the midfielder had found herself growing more and more curious as Jenni’s pestering turned into real answers from the brunette. The raven-haired woman, while annoying at times, had been friends with Alexia for long enough to know when she needed a bit of a push to talk. 

For Alexia to admit that the reason she was bothered was because she had a long lost childhood lover was not exactly what Jenni was expecting. But the striker was nothing if not able to work with what she was given. 

“Let me get this straight,” the older woman began as she leaned forward against the table. “You met when you guys were like five, grew up together, started dating when you were teenagers, then were supposed to move here together, but she broke things off suddenly right before you left and you haven’t seen her since?” 

“That is correct,” Alexia conceded warily, well aware of how slightly ridiculous it seemed as a story. 

“And all of these years, you haven’t stopped thinking about her? A decade later and you’re still hung up on her?” Jenni asked incredulously, her voice nearly an octave higher than it usually was. She seemed to be out of her mind at the thought, and the brunette slunk down further into her chair, feeling overly barren. 

“You hook up with women like there is a prize for who gets the highest body count,” Alexia shot back, trying to come off as more annoyed than exposed. 

Mariona looked miffed at the vulgarity of the statement while Jenni shrugged, acquiescence in her expression. 

“Low blow Alexia,” the midfielder noted briefly, but the striker waved her off easily. 

“The woman isn’t entirely wrong, but more importantly she’s deflecting. Okay, so you’re still in love with the woman. And it just so happens that she’s randomly at the Spotify event they sent you to, and she’s still in love with you as well?” 

“Well not quite but…” Alexia started to disagree before she trailed off, her friends eyeing her with unconvinced expressions. 

“Yes, fine, sure,” she amended crossly. 

“She just happened to be at the same event? What does she do for work?” Mariona raised her eyebrow, suspicious of a coincidence that large. Alexia paused for a moment as she struggled to think of an answer. All she was drawing was a big blank, and the realization that maybe she should have been more suspicious about this whole thing. 

“I…I have no idea. I didn’t ask! She was just right in front of me, and I panicked, I didn’t know what to do!” Alexia said restlessly, the amount of fidgeting in her seat a clear indication of her nervousness. 

“Wow…she made the great Alexia Putellas panic? I’ve seen you send away more girls than a persnickety Playboy photographer.” 

“Jennifer!”

“Sorry, sorry! Anywho, you panicked, and then what happened?” Jenni amended, a saccharine smile plastered on her face. The raven-haired woman was absolutely devouring this, fighting valiantly not to smile like the cheshire cat. 

“And then we went on a walk and talked for a few minutes, she gave me her number and told me to call her, and she left,” Alexia finished lamely, sinking back into her seat. She surveyed her two friends, who only looked at her with interested expressions. 

“Okay…and what are you going to do?” Mariona inquired once she realized that Alexia wasn’t going to say anything more. 

“I don’t know what to do! My family thinks that I shouldn’t call her, that she has hurt me too much. That maybe she doesn’t deserve to be in my life anymore. What do you guys think I should do?” Alexia. 

“Listen, it seems to be a weird coincidence to me personally. All of the sudden you start to get famous and she just happens to pop up? That is a little weird to me. It sounds like this person hurt you deeply Ale, and it has stuck with you. Are you sure you want to rehash everything?” Mariona pressed, her words strict and condemning.

“I’m not sure if I do. I’ve spent the last decade thinking of her, and then suddenly she was there and I just…I didn’t know what to do with myself. I never imagined her being in my life again, and there she was! I spent my whole childhood loving her. I never saw myself with anyone else,” Alexia admitted quietly as she wrung her hands together for a moment before setting them down in her lap, unable to make her own mind up. 

The vast majority of Alexia’s teammates had never heard of you at all. Jenni was a little too old, Mariona a little too young. Those who had known of you had forgotten, easily deterred by Alexia telling them you had broken up, unrealizing of how much it meant for the midfielder to lose you. 

Mariona had begun to speak again, but the striker had tuned the two of them out, thinking quietly to herself for once. 

As much as she teased, Jenni watched her friend with a keen, knowing eye. There had to be a damn good reason for Alexia to turn away all of those girls. It wasn’t just their looks, some of them were lovely and intelligent and hilarious, and still the star midfielder had absolutely no interest in them whatsoever. 

Almost as if she was waiting for something else. 

Someone else. 

All these years there had been something missing in her, as though she looked for someone who never came through the door. Jenni had never known what was wrong enough to ask, but now she was beginning to piece together the importance of you to Alexia. Where everyone else saw reasons to criticize and judge, the striker was stuck on Alexia’s words. 

How the desire and longing seemed unable to be contained and reasoned with, despite all of the evidence to the contrary. 

“What do you want?” Jenni cut both of them off suddenly, eliciting a frustrated noise from Mariona and a surprised look from the brunette. 

“I don’t know what I want!” Alexia huffed out with frustration, but the raven-haired didn’t accept that quite so easily. There were too many hands in the pot here. Alexia had always known what she wanted to do, she was simply being deterred. 

“No, you do. You’re convoluted with everyone else’s opinions, but I think you know exactly what you want. What is it that you want Alexia?” Jenni’s eyes never wavered from Alexias, as if daring her to look away. 

She knew that the Catalan wouldn’t, and she was right. 

Alexia stared right at her friend, knowing exactly what choice she needed to make for herself. Not for anyone else, but for herself. 

At the very least, she needed to know what had happened to lose you the first time.

—

Alexia told herself she would call you in a few days, giving herself some time to cool off and think things through. 

She couldn’t even make it through a few hours before she was digging up the card you had given her and typing the number into her phone. The phone rang once, twice, three times before you picked up, and despite herself the Catalan let out a sigh of relief that you had picked up at all. 

“Hello?” You said dutifully as you held your ear to the phone, unaware of who was on the end of the line. There was silence for a long moment, long enough that you questioned if anyone was even there, before sound finally came through.

“Hi,” Alexia choked out, failing to keep her voice as calm and unbothered as she had told herself she would be. 

“Hi Alexia,” you replied, fighting to seem as unphased as possible. You were shocked she had called you, and your heart beat so rapidly in your chest it felt as though it was fluttering. 

“I know it’s sudden…but can you talk tonight?” The footballer blurted out after a few seconds. Your heart constricted with panic, but you swallowed it down and forced yourself to remain agreeable and steady. 

“Absolutely. What time and where should I meet you?” You questioned as you took a deep, bracing breath. You listened as Alexia rattled off an address and the two of you agreed to meet in an hour before she hung up. 

This might be your last chance to tell her the truth. Would it be worth it though? Was the possibility of creating an ache in her chest worth revealing what had really occurred? 

You knew her, and you knew that her guilt would be immense even if the situation was completely out of her control. You made the choice for her, knowing that it was the right one. But you were unsure if she would see it that way. Perhaps she would only see the hurt you had caused her unnecessarily, and that would be the end of it. Maybe that should just be the end of it, allowing her some answers while allowing her to move forward with her life. 

It had been nearly a decade. You had been without her nearly as long as you had been with her, and a piece of you knew that the ache would never disappear. You would always yearn for her, even if she decided to move on. 

But that was a right she had earned, and you had lost. 

It had been your own fault after all, that turned you two into this unsure, bumbling mess of emotions and challenges and strife. You would have done anything to change that if you could have. 

It was your fault but not your doing, at the end of the day. 

You arrived at the beach where Alexia told you to meet her a little early, which allowed you to sit down at a bench and look out at the ocean waves that poured in and out. You granted yourself that small moment of grace on the nearly empty beach as you slipped your sandals off and felt the lingering warmth of the sand under your feet as the sun slid behind the ocean. 

You didn’t notice Alexia’s approach until she was in front of you, and though you offered her the seat next to you silently, she didn’t take it. 

It should have been this that informed you that it would go downhill from there, but you clung to the hope that maybe this would be a productive conversation. You still didn’t know what to say exactly, but you knew you were not going to be dishonest. 

Alexia’s eyes examined you critically, as if she didn’t believe that it was really you. 

“How did you end up at the event the other day in the first place?” She inquired after a moment, and you can’t help but furrow your brows in confusion, lost as to why this was the first question she asked. Lost as to where all of this hostility came from, when you had yet to say a single thing. 

You had expected her to become angered as the conversation went on, but she already seemed cross and you had yet to say a word. 

“I work for Morgan Stanley doing investment consulting and management specifically with Spotify. I’ve become close with the people at the company as I work with them most days, and they invited me to the event. There were investors and important stakeholders that I was able to meet in person. I’ve come to the same event every year for the last three years,” you disclosed to the brunette, but the skepticism and hostility in her eyes never wavered despite your clarity. 

“Did you see me before we ran into each other?” She interrogated, and you settled into your seat uneasily. This felt less like a conversation and more like she was drilling you, waiting for you to slip up and say the wrong thing. 

“At the event, or in general?” You replied, wanting nothing but honesty in your responses. You could give her that, even if the air between you two was charged with more tension than you expected. 

“Both.” Alexia crossed her arms, everything in her posture defensive and frustrated. 

“At the event, no. I didn’t know until I was standing right in front of you,” you clarified, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear to avoid fidgeting nervously. “In general, yes I had seen you. Only from afar though, at your games over the years. I never would have approached you.” 

I never would have approached you. 

Alexia felt every defense in her mind light up at that statement. When had you decided you were so utterly done with having her in your life? All the Catalan could think of was her mother and sister warning her that this was going to be a mistake. All she could think of was Mariona who talked about how strange the coincidence was that the two of you had run into her, as though it was so suspicious. 

You had left and hurt her. 

It had been your fault, that is what all the evidence seemed to tell her. 

Something pulled at the brunette’s mind though, something that begged her not to be so bellicose. Something that screamed at her that there was more to the story, and that handling everything this way was a horrible idea. 

Fear seemed to rule her though, rearing an ugly head that the midfielder was not proud of. 

“How many years,” she beseeched, fighting the wave of tears she could feel stinging at the back of her eyes. Her voice was low, wavering in a way that betrayed her emotions more than she cared to admit. You had let out a low sigh as you hung your head. 

“Five years. I’ve been in Barcelona for five years, and I’ve been coming to your games on and off for five years” you finally confessed as you shook your head. You looked up at the Catalan, who seemed caught between devastation and outrage. 

“You moved here five years ago and didn’t even think to come and talk to me? You never thought to check on me, to try and reach out?” Alexia seethed, burying her hurt behind a mask of fury. More than anything, the footballer felt like her whole chest had caved in. 

“No I didn’t. I had broken up with you Alexia, that was the choice I made. I wasn’t going to come barging back in four years later and demand that you take me back,” You tried gallantly to remain calm, even in the face of Alexia’s vexation. The brunette hated your answer, throwing her hands up in acute frustration. 

“You never even bothered to ask! You might have taken away my choice once, but you’ve spent five more years taking that choice away. You are a coward,” Alexia accused, pointing a finger at you even as everything in her screamed not to. She would regret what she said in the light of day, but all she felt right now was wounded. There was an intense urge to protect what little pride still remained inside her, and apparently in order to accomplish that she needed to lash out. 

You met her toe for toe though, not giving her the anger she wanted exactly but rather a sense of indignation. 

“I am a coward Alexia, you’re right. I wanted you to live your life, to move on, and I made the choice I thought was best for everyone at the time, including you. Don’t stand here and act like I made the choice without consideration for your feelings, because I have,” you fought, because even if you were at fault, you had tried so hard not to be selfish. If the Catalan got a single thing out of this conversation, you wanted it to be that. 

“No you haven’t, you’ve been selfish for the last decade! I lost my father, my community, and then you all in the span of one month. You disappeared, just like that. You were like a ghost, and I was on my own, and right when I needed you, you weren’t there!” She practically yelled, and it looked almost like her entire body vibrated with resentment. 

The footballer took a deep breath as she both tried and failed to remain calm. But every time she had more than a second to think, anger and vitriol seemed to flow out of her. 

“I hate myself for how much I needed you all these years, how much I longed for you. I can’t believe I didn’t see what was going on right in front of me. And now you’re back here…for what? A celebrity status? To be a WAG? I don’t have time for that, and I don’t want you anymore if you see me as such a transactional person. I don’t even recognize you anymore,” Alexia explained with an air of indignance. 

Though you had tried to remain calm, something finally snapped inside of you at that. You simply couldn’t allow for the brunette to say such things about you, and finally you allowed yourself the candor you’d held in all these years. 

“Oh for God's sake Alexia, really? I haven’t come here to be your WAG, or for your fucking money! I’m in investment banking for Christ's sake, I am fine financially! I don’t like football, but I spent my childhood going to games because you loved it and I loved you! You think it didn’t kill me to let you leave like that?” 

“You were my forever. We were young but you were the love of my life, and even now I can’t find myself ever connecting with anyone the way I did with you. I know I am older now, but I still have the same heart as I did when I was eighteen. You loved that person, and I’m not saying you need to love me anymore, but do not stand here and act like I have changed into someone unrecognizable when I have not!” You articulated, unwilling to allow yourself to be trodden over with disrespect. 

You were not the same person as you were at eighteen, but you were also not the person Alexia had made you out to be. 

The fight seemed to drain out of your body in an instance. Any hope that had been clung to was lost entirely as you decided just to be honest. You knew the brunette didn’t want anything to do with you, and in that moment you made peace with that. 

You would give her the truth, and nothing else but the truth. When you looked up at the Catalan, there were tears shining in your eyes. 

“I was sick, Alexia. I found out two days before I broke up with you that I had breast cancer, and I needed to stay in Madrid for treatment. You had just lost your father, you were moving to a whole new area of the country. You didn’t need to be worried about your sick girlfriend, trying to travel back and forth to Madrid, to have even more on your plate,” you revealed slowly as you aggressively wiped away the tears that flowed down your cheeks. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

“So yes, I made a decision for you. In all honesty, it was a decision I would happily make again and again if it came down to it. I wanted to preserve what little peace and happiness you had left before the move. I ached for you afterward, but I knew that this was the right choice. I wanted you to live your dreams, with or without me. And by the time I finished treatment and came to Barcelona, I felt that it was too late. I had broken us, it was my fault entirely that we had broken up, and I didn’t feel like I had the right to come to you and explain.”

“So no, I haven't approached you for the last five years. I come to your games and I see you play with joy and happiness, and I see you with your family, and I want to leave you with that. So don’t look at me and call me a coward or a gold digger or whatever the hell you think I am, because at the end of the day I tried to make the best choices for you and me, and I can’t take them back anymore,” you released, and suddenly you felt much older than your twenty-seven years. You head hung, and you shrugged before you spoke again, your tone bitter and defeated. 

“If you’re so intent to see all of the reasons I fucked up, fine. If you need to tell yourself that I am a selfish whore to sleep at night, fine. But I sincerely hope that when you go to sleep at night you at least remember for a second that the decisions I made were for you, not because of you. Maybe it was the wrong choice to control that for you, but I can’t go back and change it now. So please, just leave me alone if this is all you want from me. I don’t have anything more to give you, not anymore,” You stated with exhaustion, spinning around to walk away. You disappeared into the night before the brunette even had a chance to say anything, left far too shell shocked to even begin to process your words. 

You were gone without a glance backward, and Alexia sunk down onto the bench you had once occupied as remorse purged every other feeling in her body.

(Part 3)

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

so… how does autism even happen? they say “there’s only in increase in numbers because they have better ways to diagnose” but I’ve seen two, normal and brain healthy adults have severely autistic kids. not to be “that person” but I genuinely believe it could be due to over vaccinating or all the chemicals we consume in food and products on a daily basis.

so are they just using the better ways of diagnosing as an excuse to why autism is increasing so they don’t have to admit they’re poisoning us? is it really a true statement that the amount of people born with autism has stayed the same and it is just because of better diagnostics?

I just can’t comprehend how two healthy adults, with no familial history of autism or anything like it, is at all possible. it must be what we consume, because the amount of chemicals and bioengineered products we consume daily now is absolutely mind blowing. I could totally see how a mother consuming these things whilst pregnant, and before, could lead to her birthing a child with brain issues.

i’m not trying to be ignorant - I just think autism (severe case - can’t be touched, can’t speak, can’t regulate emotions..) is really really really hard to deal with, for the individual yes but also for the parents. I couldn’t imagine not being able to touch or talk to my child, and I would feel absolutely awful if I caused that by what I consumed.

id like to be a mother someday, I have no family history of autism, nor does my partner. but… I know my limits, and having an autistic child would be quite the battle for me. even though mine and my partners bloodline is clean, is it still a likely risk?

Before getting started: I am NOT going over something like this again, so please do NOT send questions like this.

Question 1:

so... how does autism even happen? they say "there's only in increase in numbers because they have better ways to diagnose" but l've seen two, normal and brain healthy adults have severely autistic kids. not to be "that person" but l genuinely believe it could be due to over vaccinating or all the chemicals we consume in food and products on a daily basis.

Answer: two healthy people can have an autistic child. The same way two healthy people can have Down syndrome. Autism itself is a neurodevelopment disorder that affects how we learn and communicate. These disorders affect both the brain and spinal cord. If you do some actual research, the autistic brain is actually a bit larger than a neurotypical one. We have a smaller amygdala however, which helps regulate emotions. That could explain the emotional dysregulation. This disorder literally affects how the brain works. It’s not the same as a neurotypical one. We’re called neurodivergent for a reason.

Question 2:

so are they just using the better ways of diagnosing as an excuse to why autism is increasing so they don't have to admit they're poisoning us? is it really a true statement that the amount of people born with autism has stayed the same and it is just because of better diagnostics?

Answer: Autism itself is a complex disorder and was barely understood years ago. There’s no sign that vaccines are raising. If it were, then mostly everybody would be autistic. But this is not this case.

Here’s an article about the “autism epidemic” as people like the call it:

Question 3:

I’m not going into this part, because this is where you start to get delusional. Like I said before, it’s a developmenttal disorder that ANYONE can have regardless of family history. Yes, Autism tends to run in families, but there can be some where autism doesn’t run in families. Anyone can have autism. It doesn’t matter if it runs in families or not.

We have gotten better with diagnostics because of our more advanced technology. Autism isn’t rising. We’re just getting better at diagnosing and understanding the disorder. It’s still unknown what exactly causes it or how it happens. Some say it’s environmental, others say it could be genetics.

Yes, autism can be hard and difficult to live with. And the fact that you are insinuating that you wouldn’t or like to have neurodivergent child, then you probably shouldn’t be a mother. I would love my child and take care of them, no matter the circumstances. Even if they couldn’t talk, that wouldn’t make me love them less.

Do some research, spend some time talking to autistic people and parents to see their experiences and thoughts. We’re human beings, just like you.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Shifting $677m from the banks to the people, every year, forever

I'll be in TUCSON, AZ from November 8-10: I'm the GUEST OF HONOR at the TUSCON SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION.

"Switching costs" are one of the great underappreciated evils in our world: the more it costs you to change from one product or service to another, the worse the vendor, provider, or service you're using today can treat you without risking your business.

Businesses set out to keep switching costs as high as possible. Literally. Mark Zuckerberg's capos send him memos chortling about how Facebook's new photos feature will punish anyone who leaves for a rival service with the loss of all their family photos – meaning Zuck can torment those users for profit and they'll still stick around so long as the abuse is less bad than the loss of all their cherished memories:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/facebooks-secret-war-switching-costs

It's often hard to quantify switching costs. We can tell when they're high, say, if your landlord ties your internet service to your lease (splitting the profits with a shitty ISP that overcharges and underdelivers), the switching cost of getting a new internet provider is the cost of moving house. We can tell when they're low, too: you can switch from one podcatcher program to another just by exporting your list of subscriptions from the old one and importing it into the new one:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/16/keep-it-really-simple-stupid/#read-receipts-are-you-kidding-me-seriously-fuck-that-noise

But sometimes, economists can get a rough idea of the dollar value of high switching costs. For example, a group of economists working for the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau calculated that the hassle of changing banks is costing Americans at least $677m per year (see page 526):

https://files.consumerfinance.gov/f/documents/cfpb_personal-financial-data-rights-final-rule_2024-10.pdf

The CFPB economists used a very conservative methodology, so the number is likely higher, but let's stick with that figure for now. The switching costs of changing banks – determining which bank has the best deal for you, then transfering over your account histories, cards, payees, and automated bill payments – are costing everyday Americans more than half a billion dollars, every year.

Now, the CFPB wasn't gathering this data just to make you mad. They wanted to do something about all this money – to find a way to lower switching costs, and, in so doing, transfer all that money from bank shareholders and executives to the American public.

And that's just what they did. A newly finalized Personal Financial Data Rights rule will allow you to authorize third parties – other banks, comparison shopping sites, brokers, anyone who offers you a better deal, or help you find one – to request your account data from your bank. Your bank will be required to provide that data.

I loved this rule when they first proposed it:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/10/getting-things-done/#deliverism

And I like the final rule even better. They've really nailed this one, even down to the fine-grained details where interop wonks like me get very deep into the weeds. For example, a thorny problem with interop rules like this one is "who gets to decide how the interoperability works?" Where will the data-formats come from? How will we know they're fit for purpose?

This is a super-hard problem. If we put the monopolies whose power we're trying to undermine in charge of this, they can easily cheat by delivering data in uselessly obfuscated formats. For example, when I used California's privacy law to force Mailchimp to provide list of all the mailing lists I've been signed up for without my permission, they sent me thousands of folders containing more than 5,900 spreadsheets listing their internal serial numbers for the lists I'm on, with no way to find out what these lists are called or how to get off of them:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/07/22/degoogled/#kafka-as-a-service

So if we're not going to let the companies decide on data formats, who should be in charge of this? One possibility is to require the use of a standard, but again, which standard? We can ask a standards body to make a new standard, which they're often very good at, but not when the stakes are high like this. Standards bodies are very weak institutions that large companies are very good at capturing:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/30/weak-institutions/

Here's how the CFPB solved this: they listed out the characteristics of a good standards body, listed out the data types that the standard would have to encompass, and then told banks that so long as they used a standard from a good standards body that covered all the data-types, they'd be in the clear.

Once the rule is in effect, you'll be able to go to a comparison shopping site and authorize it to go to your bank for your transaction history, and then tell you which bank – out of all the banks in America – will pay you the most for your deposits and charge you the least for your debts. Then, after you open a new account, you can authorize the new bank to go back to your old bank and get all your data: payees, scheduled payments, payment history, all of it. Switching banks will be as easy as switching mobile phone carriers – just a few clicks and a few minutes' work to get your old number working on a phone with a new provider.

This will save Americans at least $677 million, every year. Which is to say, it will cost the banks at least $670 million every year.

Naturally, America's largest banks are suing to block the rule:

https://www.americanbanker.com/news/cfpbs-open-banking-rule-faces-suit-from-bank-policy-institute

Of course, the banks claim that they're only suing to protect you, and the $677m annual transfer from their investors to the public has nothing to do with it. The banks claim to be worried about bank-fraud, which is a real thing that we should be worried about. They say that an interoperability rule could make it easier for scammers to get at your data and even transfer your account to a sleazy fly-by-night operation without your consent. This is also true!

It is obviously true that a bad interop rule would be bad. But it doesn't follow that every interop rule is bad, or that it's impossible to make a good one. The CFPB has made a very good one.

For starters, you can't just authorize anyone to get your data. Eligible third parties have to meet stringent criteria and vetting. These third parties are only allowed to ask for the narrowest slice of your data needed to perform the task you've set for them. They aren't allowed to use that data for anything else, and as soon as they've finished, they must delete your data. You can also revoke their access to your data at any time, for any reason, with one click – none of this "call a customer service rep and wait on hold" nonsense.

What's more, if your bank has any doubts about a request for your data, they are empowered to (temporarily) refuse to provide it, until they confirm with you that everything is on the up-and-up.

I wrote about the lawsuit this week for @eff@mastodon.social's Deeplinks blog:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/10/no-matter-what-bank-says-its-your-money-your-data-and-your-choice

In that article, I point out the tedious, obvious ruses of securitywashing and privacywashing, where a company insists that its most abusive, exploitative, invasive conduct can't be challenged because that would expose their customers to security and privacy risks. This is such bullshit.

It's bullshit when printer companies say they can't let you use third party ink – for your own good:

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2024/01/hp-ceo-blocking-third-party-ink-from-printers-fights-viruses/

It's bullshit when car companies say they can't let you use third party mechanics – for your own good:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/03/rip-david-graeber/#rolling-surveillance-platforms

It's bullshit when Apple says they can't let you use third party app stores – for your own good:

https://www.eff.org/document/letter-bruce-schneier-senate-judiciary-regarding-app-store-security

It's bullshit when Facebook says you can't independently monitor the paid disinformation in your feed – for your own good:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/05/comprehensive-sex-ed/#quis-custodiet-ipsos-zuck

And it's bullshit when the banks say you can't change to a bank that charges you less, and pays you more – for your own good.

CFPB boss Rohit Chopra is part of a cohort of Biden enforcers who've hit upon a devastatingly effective tactic for fighting corporate power: they read the law and found out what they're allowed to do, and then did it:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/23/getting-stuff-done/#praxis

The CFPB was created in 2010 with the passage of the Consumer Financial Protection Act, which specifically empowers the CFPB to make this kind of data-sharing rule. Back when the CFPA was in Congress, the banks howled about this rule, whining that they were being forced to share their data with their competitors.

But your account data isn't your bank's data. It's your data. And the CFPB is gonna let you have it, and they're gonna save you and your fellow Americans at least $677m/year – forever.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/11/01/bankshot/#personal-financial-data-rights

[kiyomitakada]

i know its a classic. possibly cliche already. but i do wonder about Tumblr In The Death Note Universe probably more than i should

2 notes

💅 toxicbff Follow

if i see one more post attributing kira's powers to ~supernatural powers~ instead of the obvious fact that the cia is doing a coup I'm going to start giving You the heart attacks

💅 toxicbff

of course i saw the news how does that not prove my point further

the idea that all the police around the world could be mobilized by one single person is ridiculous (just look at this list of how many civilian militia there are globally)

heart attack victims don't seize the way "lind l tailor" did

i don't know how to tell you that You Can't Kill People Just By Knowing Their Name And Face because this is Real Life and not the newest grimdark marvel villain

people need to stop being scared of the ~bogeyman in the closet~ and wake up to the fact that usamerica is trying to take over the goddamned world

💅 toxicbff

im going to kill you all and nuke this website

#sayonara you weeaboo shits

2,925 notes

👾 lets-go-geeks Follow

DO TRUMP NEXT

🕵🏾‍♀️ penny-penelope Follow

LIKES TO CHARGE REBLOGS TO CAST

16,375 notes

❤️‍🔥 lovesickened Follow

i know its stupid but im so fucking scared for my brother i heard that seven people died this week at the prison he's in and iinjust dont kenow what to do ihate him for ehat he did to mom but i never wanted him to die

#vent tw #delete later

0 notes

🏎 fastandyurious Follow

if i get a single more comment about why i don't tag "genderbend" on my kiratective fics i'm going to blow up the entire building. we don't know EITHER of their genders. why don't YOU tag your mediocre yaoi genderbend instead

🔆 sparkling-world Follow

…OP, you realize the news reports all consistently use "he," right?

🏎 fastandyurious

of course i do???? just because you see something on the news doesn't mean you have to believe it?????? they don't have any information on kira yet but i'm supposed to believe the fbi knows their gender already??????? also kira is literally a fucking girl's name my classmate in elementary school was called kira

🔆 sparkling-world

Kira comes from the Japanese romanization for "killer," it isn't gendered whatsoever.

Also, evidence shows the majority of serial killers are male, so I'd argue that the statistics favor the fujoshis here.

🏎 fastandyurious

well evidence shows that female serial killers are just more fun to write about and I'd argue that you're ignoring my fucking POINT which is that we DON'T KNOW KIRA'S GENDER and if people don't want to read lesbian kiratective they can FUCK OFF MY BLOG

🥚 i-offer-eggman Follow

I offer you an Eggman in these trying times.

🔮 I-stands-for-le-gay Follow

@lashitpostcalligrapher yo can i get "the statistics favor the fujoshis" on my tombstone

#fandom: kira rpf #ship: kiral #never heard it called kiratective before… #also uh. prayer circle for op's classmate lmaoooo

2,107 notes

💃🏻 modelingmadness Follow

BOYCOTT EIGHTEEN MAGAZINE

THEY ALLOW KIRA-SUPPORTING MODELS AND ARE COMPLICIT IN THIS MASSACRE

SOURCES HERE AND HERE (TRIGGER WARNING: KIRA DISCUSSION)

PUSH BACK AGAINST HEART ATTACKS

🧚🏽‍♂️ harubaru Follow

golly gee ^_^ suddenly i feel like taking to the high seas in a way that the eighteen company cant get profit from. oh no ! who left this link here

🐦‍⬛ kuro--misa Follow

thanks for the link but jesus fucking christ man what happened to free speech. misa-misa's parents were killed by a burglar who kira punished. did you all expect her to just sit there, look pretty, and say nothing about it?

you people only like models when they're nice pictures for you to consume. you only like them two-dimensional and smiling and hot. the second a woman actually speaks her mind she's thrown to the wolves

💃🏻 modelingmadness

DID YOU NOT SEE MY BANNER YOU PIECE OF SHIT

#BLOCKED

140 notes

���‍⬛ kuro--misa Follow

lol. lmao even

#they blocked me but whatever #official eighteen site just said misamisa wont be in the next issue #(eighteen sucks but i kind of want to use it more out of spite now) #so much for apologism huh? #god. i feel sick. #hasn't she been through enough.

1 note

🥷🏻 kira-imagines Follow

Imagine you're going home after a long day. Suddenly there's a sound. "Huh? Whose there" you ask, dropping your keys on the floor. Then you feel it. A knife pressing in your neck.

"Don't move kitten" Kira purrs behind you. "You're all mine now…"

#kiraxreader #kiraxoc #kira #kira rpf #kira investigation #kira fucker #kira fudger #kira lover #kira haters dont touch #kira haters please touch #kira supporters please touch #l

5,733 notes

asahi-the-student-deactivated201

Hello, everyone! My little sister told me about this microblogging platform (I admit, I'm a Twitter refugee) and that many of you are discussing the Kira investigation on here. I'm really interested in hearing what your thoughts are!

💋 sunny-sayu Follow

let the record show he lasted like. a day

#i think it was the imagines that did him in #bro is so sensitive :p

15 notes

kiyomitakada

the world could be beautiful

[ @deathnotetober day 14: trigger ]

[daretoassume]

77 quotes to change your perspective

carl jung

"if the path before you is clear, you are probably on someone else's."

"until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate."

"the world will ask who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you."

"it all depends on how we look at things and not how they are in themselves."

"there is no coming to consciousness without pain."

joe dispenza

"can you accept the notion that once you change your internal state, you do not need the external world to provide you with a reason to feel joy, gratitude, appreciation, or any other elevated emotion?"

"if you want a new outcome, you will have to break the habit of being yourself and reinvent a new self."

"if you were to start investing your attention and energy into the unknown, your body would then be able to follow your mind into the unknown—a new experience in your future."

"if you cannot get beyond your stresses, your problems, and your pain, you cannot create a new future where those things do not exist."

"if you focus on the known, you get the known. if you focus on the unknown, you create a possibility."

eckhart tolle

"the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it."

"life is not as serious as the mind makes it out to be."

"you find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life but by realizing who you are at the deepest level."

"pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within."

"most of the so-called bad things that happen in people's lives are due to unconsciousness. they are self-created, or rather ego-created."

wayne dyer

"when you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."

"you are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be."

"begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul."

"be miserable. or motivate yourself. whatever has to be done, it is always your choice."

"you are what you choose to be today. not what you have chosen to be before."

louise hay

"every thought we think is creating our future."

"i do not fix problems. i fix my thinking. then problems fix themselves."

"you have been criticizing yourself for years, and it has not worked. try approving of yourself and see what happens."

"there is no written law that says that because you once believed something, you have to continue to believe it forever."

"the more we love ourselves, the less we project our pain onto the world."

jen sincero

"if you are serious about changing your life, you will find a way. if you are not, you will find an excuse."

"your life is your party. you get to choose how you invite people and experiences and things into it."

"you need to go from wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life."

"what you tell yourself on a daily basis is more powerful than you know."

"comparison is the fastest way to take all the fun out of life."

tony robbins

"it is your decisions and not your conditions that determine your destiny."

"you cannot have a plan for your day until you have a plan for your life."

"belief in limits creates limited people."

"the only thing that is keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself."

"if i could uncover what beliefs and values control me, i could literally redesign myself."

marcus aurelius

"the happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts."

"our life is what our thoughts make it."

"the best revenge is not to be like your enemy."

"every living organism is fulfilled when it follows the right path for its own nature."

"today i escaped anxiety. or no, i discarded it because it was within me, in my own perceptions—not outside."

jay shetty

"the more we define ourselves in relation to the people around us, the more lost we are."

"actually, the greatest detachment is being close to everything and not letting it consume and own you."

"it is impossible to build one's own happiness on the unhappiness of others."

"if you are satisfied with who you are, you do not need to prove your worth to anyone else."

"the grass is greener where you water it."

mel robbins

"if you only ever did the things you do not want to do, you would have everything you have ever wanted."

"you are one decision away from a completely different life."

"when it comes to change, goals, and dreams, you have to bet on yourself."

"change your decisions, and you will change your life. and what will change your decisions more than anything? courage."

"if you have the courage to start, you have the courage to succeed."

alan watts

"man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun."

"never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command."

"you are under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago."

"a person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts. so, he loses touch with reality and lives in a world of illusions."

"hurrying and delaying are alike ways of trying to resist the present."

ram dass

"the quieter you become, the more you can hear."

"your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness."

"i can do nothing for you but work on myself…you can do nothing for me but work on yourself."

"free yourself from the illusion of good and bad days. labeling time makes us nostalgic for the past and demanding the future. there is only here and now. let it be."

"no matter what someone else does to you, never put anyone out of your heart."

lao tzu

"care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner."

"the best fighter is never angry."

"respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment."

"if you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."

"nature never hurries, yet everything is accomplished."

muhammad ali

"if my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it—then i can achieve it."

"do not quit. suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."

"he who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life."

"i have never let anyone talk me into not believing in myself."

"i am the greatest. i said that even before i knew i was."

steve harvey

"you cannot leave what is important to you up to someone else."

"stop wasting time looking at someone else's reality while doing nothing about yours."

"the dream is free, but the hustle is sold separately."

"your dream has to be bigger than your fear."

"you cannot tell big dreams to small-minded people."

albert einstein

"i am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. imagination is more important than knowledge. knowledge is limited. imagination encircles the world."

"anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

𓍯 entryfromsane004 (extracted from the old blog two years ago)

[jpitha]

Simple Solutions

There were many reasons Zil hated working on a human ship. They hated how everyone went into one big room to eat. Consuming calories for life was a private thing for the Xerilan; an unfortunate side effect of life that was better done out of sight of everyone. The humans did it all together, all sound and smells and noise. Going into the canteen at lunchtime was an assault on their senses.

They hated how the deck plates felt. Xerilan ships used a polymer covering for the floors, nice, soft, quiet. The humans used whatever alloy of iron they acquired from the lowest bidder. It was cold, and loud, and hurt their heels when they walked.

But, what they hated the most were the alarms.

Human alarms were loud, brash, violent affairs. Lights would flash, horns would honk, and some even added elements of vibration. When asked, the humans told them they wanted to make sure that everyone reacted to the alarm. Zil practically went catatonic at the noise. They received special training before taking their post on the human ship and still they had to fight the urge to roll into a ball every time the alarm sounded, and it sounded a lot.

There were alarms for battle - which was fortunately infrequent - alarms when the reactors ramped up, alarms for when they would need to secure for maneuvering, for when gravity was going to change. Zil was almost sure they heard an alarm for the start of a new day.

Zil was leaving his quarters, heading down to the greenhouse to begin his shift when the alarm sounded. This time, the alarm was different. Even they had to admit this one worried them. It sounded dangerous. It was high and trilling with a mid range warbling and even a brassy low range which made their own sounding plates vibrate unpleasantly. As soon as it started, literally everyone dropped what they were doing - some literally - and began to run.

It was the fire alarm.

As much as Zil hated all the human alarms, they at least understood why the fire alarm was so annoying. Fire aboard a starship was a potentially lethal affair, and everyone had to work together to find and extinguish the fire as quickly as possible. They ran to their assigned station and came upon the deck chief, Tanner.

"Zil! You're one of the first. Nice to see someone was paying attention at drills." He said, smiling quickly as he flung open lockers built into the walls. "Put on your gear."

Zil methodically put on his firefighting gear. Everyone aboard had some, and they were surpsied when they learned that the humans took the time and effort to consult the Swarm for plans and measurements for gear that would fit their bodyplan. It was almost like a spacesuit, but not airtight, made of a very thick cloth. There were tanks of breathing gas that the humans wore on their backs, but Zil's were strapped to their legs, like other Xerilan suits. They slid the helmet over their head and their feelers were blown around by a blast fresh air. It was annoying, but they knew that it wasn't something that could be adjusted. The humans needed their air to be fresh and in large volumes when they were under stress.

As soon as they were dressed, Tanner - also in his turnout gear - handed him a broom.

Even in the midst of an emergency, Zil regarded the broom curiously. "Uh Tanner, why did you give me a broom?"

"It's a hydrogen fire Zil, we don't know where it is."

Zil's hind-legs started twitching, preparing to launch themselves meters in the air and escape, just like their ancient ancestors. They suppressed the feeling. "What do you mean you don't know where it is?"

"Hydrogen fires are invisible and odorless. We can't see them." Tanner explained as he got his own broom. "We're going to walk the halls with the broom sticking out in front of us."

"How... will that help?"

"As soon as the broom bursts into flame, we know where the fire is!"

"We're going to walk until the broom bursts into flame? Don't you... don't you have sensors for this!?" Zil exclaimed as they began to follow Tanner. He would walk with his broom sticking out, angled towards the wall, and he moved Zil's broom so that it was pointed opposite his. Behind them two others from the deck team had their brooms out to the side.

"We do," Tanner said, not looking at them, "But they're never that accurate. Nothing like a physical indicator of an issue to find the leak fast. It's a simple solution, but that means it's robust and works even if there's a power outage or in some other kind of danger."

They methodically walked the halls of their deck, brooms out, with the alarm thankfully silent, but the lights still flashing annoyingly. They rounded a corner and came upon the other deck team, going the other way. As they approached, Zil saw one of their brooms flare to life, the fire orange and oily as the brushes caught.

"Found it!" One of the others shouted, and everyone dropped their brooms. Tanner signaled command to isolate the deck, and the pressure doors slammed down around them. Someone from the other fire team opened a cabinet and took out a fire extinguisher, and Zil ran over towards the pipe that was leaking and activated his comm. They did have a moment of thanks that the humans labeled everything. All they had to do was read off the location to command so they knew where to shut the line down.

"H2 line WES56.7, port side," he called over his comm. "Just aft of valve-" They glanced to the right, "-6769."

"Aft of valve 6769 copy." The voice on the other end crackled. Almost as soon as he called in the location, he could hear the whirring of machinery and the presumed jet of flame shrank until the only sign left was the smouldering broom and the smell of smoke and suppressant in the isolated hall.

"Nice work Zil!" Tanner said, and went to pat his back, but stopped, remembering that Zil hated being touched. "See? When you follow the training, you remain safe, and protected everyone and the ship."

"Yeah, but..." Zil opened his helmet and the hurricane if air thankfully stopped. "Brooms?"

"Simple solutions are the best ones, Zil." Tanner said, laughing. "Come on, it's up to maintenance now, we need to get back to our posts.

[iris-qt]

𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚜

⭒ ᴛʜᴇᴏᴅᴏʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛᴛ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

⭒ ʙɢ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ: ᴄʟɪᴄᴋ!

⭒ ɢʀᴜᴍᴘʏ x ꜱᴜɴꜱʜɪɴᴇ | 2.4ᴋ

⭒ ᴀ/ɴ: ʙᴀꜱᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʟᴏᴠᴇʟʏ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛ, ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ ɪɴꜱᴘɪʀɪɴɢ ᴍᴇ

⭒ ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ: ᴛʜᴇᴏᴅᴏʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛᴛ ʜᴀꜱ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴇʟᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʜᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ ᴄᴏᴄᴋʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴋɪɴᴅ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴᴄʟᴀᴡ. ʜᴇ'ꜱ ꜱᴏ ᴜɴꜰᴀᴍɪʟᴀʀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ, ɪɴ ꜰᴀᴄᴛ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴄᴏɴᴠɪɴᴄᴇᴅ ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴜꜱᴇᴅ ᴀ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴘᴏᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴡɪɴ ʜɪᴍ ᴏᴠᴇʀ. ʙᴏʏ ɪꜱ ʜᴇ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ..

“Speak no further, Nott. Ravenclaw tower at 9 and that's that.”

Fuck.

Astronomy was quite a time-consuming class, but Theodore Nott would do anything for the credits. Even if it meant partaking in various group projects. It played out in a similar way each time: he’d get partnered with some blithering imbecile and do all the work. Or, worst case scenario, he’d get partnered with some pining girl and have to hide in the deepest corners of the library to avoid their presence which consisted of blabbering on about Merlin knows what. The topic always consisted of everything BUT the task at hand, and Theo would be forced to nod at the appropriate times while doing the project for the both of them. 

He wouldn’t let anyone ruin his A grade streak.

The only person he could trust was himself.

Until you waltzed in, threatening to ruin it all with a bright smile and brisk walk. 

Infuriating.

Sure, you were smart. Possibly smarter than him, although he’d never admit it, but he hated…no despised working with another person. There were always conflicting methods and ideas which ultimately led to Theodore not getting what he wanted. And what Theo wanted was to ace this project with his own ideas. Difficult to do with a headstrong ravenclaw butting her head in. And so, when the partners were ordered to begin planning, he strode up to you, resolved with his stubborn ideals.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Theod-”

“I’ve got this, don’t worry. Just put your name on the final paper when I’m done.”

You raise your eyebrow, smirking up at the crazy boy. How dare he assume you’d easily give in to such blasphemy. You worked hard for the grades you got and this wasn’t an exception.

“Nice try, but you’re not getting rid of me,” you stand up, scooping up your Astronomy textbook in your arms. 

“But-”

“Speak no further, Nott. Ravenclaw tower at 9 and that's that,” you smile deviously, walking away, leaving Theodore scrambling to think of a way to shake you off. 

Perhaps if he pissed you off…

But how could he do that?

After consulting with the king of pissing people off, also known as Mattheo Riddle, his task was clear. He walked up the long flight of stairs leading to the Ravenclaw common room with a devilish smirk on his face.

You were waiting right outside the common room drowning under the weight of multiple star charts and apparatuses. As you heard his footsteps, you exclaimed, “You actually showed up!”

He scoffs, relieving you of some of the equipment you were holding; the pile so high it hid your face. He took most of the burden, revealing your beaming smile. 

“Don’t make me change my mind, Y/L/N,” he looked around. “Why didn’t we just meet at the Astronomy Tower?”

Your eyes light up as if you’d been waiting for him to ask that question. 

“Literally everyone and their mum are at the Astronomy tower right now doing the project.” 

Theo frowned at that as the prospect of being amongst even more people did not entice him in the slightest. Noting his scowl, you laughed. 

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Nott. I know a place.”

He grumbled at your demeaning statement but he couldn’t ignore the way shooting stars began ricocheting around his heart at your words. He followed you into the Ravenclaw common room, in awe of the bronze accents amongst the deep blue waves of gleaming drapes and chairs. The ceiling was made up of moving star charts and planets, making their way around their orbits. Truthfully, this was the most breathtaking common room Theodore Nott had ever set foot in.

You led them to a balcony opening up from the common room, and it contained a giant table, lanterns, and a gleaming silver telescope. He couldn’t help but think the other three houses got the shorter end of the stick, although that may just be because Nott has always been enamored with the stars. Plus, the deep azure blue spread across the ravenclaw common room just happened to be his favorite color.

You set everything down and began to set up, spreading everything out on the table with precise precision. Theodore placed a compass caliper on the table slightly crooked and you gently pushed it into a straight position. He raised his eyebrow, amused at your antics.

“You know we’re just gonna pick that up in a few minutes, right?”

“It’s good to be organized, Nott.”

“Please, I’ve seen all the crumpled parchment in your bag.”

You smiled sheepishly, looking up at him, “That’s called an organized mess.”

“Whatever you say, love-,” and his eyes widened as he realized what he said, panic blooming in them. “Love-leyyy weather we’re having today?” he grinned quite maniacally.

Lightning struck the distant rolling hills visible from the balcony as you shot a smirk at Theo.

“Quite.”

Reaching up to mess up his hair, you moved to the telescope to start setting it up, leaving Theodore wildly blushing, not wanting to reach up and fix his messy hair caused by your touch.

Did he smoke one of Mattheo’s “special” cigs today? Perhaps the stress of this project was leading him off the rails. It’ll pass by tomorrow…

Nonetheless, his plan to piss you off consisted of simply not helping at all until you got mad and quit.

He abandoned that when he saw that your ideas and methods not only aligned with his, but improved upon them.

The rest of the night was spent charting the pattern of the aligning planets and measuring their orbital distances. Awkward glances and light touches were scattered throughout this process as Theodore realized he was entering uncharted territory with you.

At one point, you both attempted to reach for a graphite pencil at the same time, hands touching, and Theodore had an awkward fit as he flung his hand away so quickly it nearly knocked over the telescope.

“Never felt the touch of a woman, Theodore?” you teased him, grinning and finding joy in his odd behavior.

At another moment, he was stuck staring at your furrowed brow and focused expression as you were doing some complicated trigonometric calculations. It’s as if he were hypnotized by your lips softly mouthing the numbers corresponding with your mathematical work. The way you had to fix a lock of hair every few seconds when it fell in your face…

He reached out and tucked that piece of hair behind your ear in a way that would prevent it from falling again.

Tearing yourself from your math, you shoot him the brightest smile.

Brighter than the cosmos visible in the dark heavens above.

He quickly looks the other way, walking off and standing in the farthest corner of the balcony. As far as he can from that evil witch.

She had hexed him.

He was sure of it.

They wrapped up a bit past midnight and agreed to meet at the same place the next night to continue working on the time consuming project …

“I’m telling you, she’s using dark magic or something!” Theo throws up his hands, pacing around the slytherin common room, ranting to Mattheo.

He began muttering to himself, rubbing his face, lost in thought about what you were doing to him. Riddle watches Theo, thoroughly amused. In their whole lifetime of knowing each other, Mattheo had never seen Theodore this worked up about something…especially someone.

It didn’t take a genius to realize Theodore was down bad, and Mattheo intended to do something about it.

“You know, I’ve caught a couple girls tryna spike my drinks with love potion…”

“AH-HA!” Theo points at Riddle maniacally. “SHE SPIKED MY DRINK. Probably my water bottle since it was just sitting on my Astronomy desk.”

Mattheo smirks, “And what’re you gonna do about it?”

“Confront her, of course. Put an end to this nonsense.”

Mattheo grinned, his intended plan coming to fruition.

“Go get ‘em Theo.”

That night, Theo met you again right outside the common room and followed you to the balcony, still stressing about how he’d bring this up with you. 

You started laying out a 150 pack of markers and colored pencils along with 3 different bottles of glitter on the massive oak table, putting your hands on your hips after unloading the myriad of art supplies. 

Theo looks horrified as he begins to doubt the respect he had built up for you in the past day. 

“Are we bedazzling the star chart?”

“No, Nott, we’re making the best poster Professor Sinistra will ever lay eyes on,” you smile, huffing happily.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about the poster,” he leans against the table, looking curiously at you.

Sure you were smart, but how did you brew a love potion from scratch? It was one of the most difficult potions to brew. Perhaps you bought it, although you weren’t rich. Love potions cost quite the amount of galleons. Especially ones this strong. It seemed to be so strong that the idea of you going out of your way to brew a love potion or spend such a pretty penny on it flattered him to no end.

Lost in his reverie, he was spooked as you approached him, leaning over him, supposedly trying to kiss him?

KISS HIM?

Theo enters lockdown mode as his eyes widen to the size of the moon in the ink black sky. He  doesn't know how to react to your sudden move, so he closes his eyes and slightly parts his lips, awaiting your own. He buzzes with ecstasy, realizing he wants this more than anything. Want? 

No.

He needs to feel your lips on his own.

Instead, he hears the loveliest little laugh and a gentle “boop” on his nose. He opens his eyes, bewildered, and realizes you had simply leaned over to grab a protractor from the table he was blocking.

“Spaced out there, huh Nott?” and you collapse into a fit of laughter. “Get it? SPACED out? Because, you know, space.” She points to the night sky. 

He responds with a dazed, furiously blushing expression.

“Just me? Ok,” you sigh dramatically as you move over to start creating the informational poster.

This was it. 

Confrontation time.

Her evil antics had gone too far, and, as warm as the feeling felt, he was ready to dispose of this funny, breathtaking, witty, heavenly project partner. His maddening astronomy partner that had him seeing stars. He huffed angrily as he cleared his throat, grabbing your attention.

“I know what you’re doing.”

You raise an eyebrow, “Our..project?”

“No, I know what you did to me.”

You cross your arms, smirking, wondering if this was his weird, socially awkward, very Theo way of confessing. You weren’t emotionally blind, it was obvious this boy was so down bad. But you couldn’t judge. So were you. Perhaps for longer than he had ever been.

“And what did I do to you?”

He scoffs, “Don’t play dumb.”

“Impossible for a genius to play dumb,” you grin.

He squints his eyes at you, heaving a sigh, “You spiked my water with a love potion.”

There was a moment of silence between you two as you registered his bizarre claim and burst into laughter. Theodore must have truly lost his mind.

“And where would I get my hands on that, Theo?”

He looked offended at your laughter and glared at you, fully convinced there was foul play involved in whatever feelings were brewing in his heart. 

“Listen, I know you did something. Just tell me.”

You smirk, moving closer to him, eyes averting down to an unbuttoned button on his shirt.  Fixing it, you glance up, speaking softly, “What is it you feel, Theodore.”

He felt a lot of things at that moment. He felt as if you were the most ethereal sight in the world. The dramatic lighting of the candles highlighting your face in every right angle. He felt as if he could implode at that moment; the redness of his face causing a cataclysmic supernova of his very soul. He felt as if he could stare into your eyes forever, sinful thoughts arising at the cocky look on your face as you peered up at him. So many thoughts in his head, and ever since the previous night, each and every thought, the ones in the forefront of his mind and the back, had consisted of you. 

He subconsciously moves closer, finally letting his gut feeling have a say. Finally listening to his heart over his head, and his heart told him that what he felt for you could not be replicated by any curse, hex, or potion. It was real and pure. It was foreign but as sweet as the nightbird’s song. As radiant as a galaxy far far away. 

But you weren’t far far away, you were right in front of him.

And maybe he’d get that kiss now.

He leaned down as you tilted your jaw to perfectly capture his lips in a passionate kiss, hands in his hair, his on your neck. 

Making out with Theodore Nott while you were supposed to be glitter bombing the hell out of your guys’ project was not on your agenda, but you’d easily make room for it anytime anywhere. 

It was everything you dreamed it would be.

Pulling apart from the kiss of your dreams felt like being launched light years away from him, but in reality he was standing right there, breathing heavily, his lips swollen and pink.

He quickly looked away, fidgeting anxiously, “That…that's what I feel.”

“Definition of actions speak louder than words,” you laughed, taking his hand in yours.

He smiled at you, heart racing a million beats per second. 

“That was no love potion,” he laughed, tucking your hair behind your ear once more as his hand laid to rest gently on your chin, tilting it up.

“No, it was just my raw charisma, Theodore.”

He laughed, shaking his head. His laugh was a sound you hadn’t fully captured, and now that you had, you never wanted him to stop.

Theo learned about a lot more than planet alignment during this project. He learned that you were an amazing kisser.

And hey, maybe team projects weren't so bad after all.

[wip]

can we get a more descriptive notifications tab? specifically when showing us anything for text posts

> 90% (literally.. i have counted before with a sample of 100) of my text post notifications just ambiguously show that someone interacted with a text post, but i have no way of telling what the actual post was without having to open every one individually, this is extremely time consuming and not helpful to me as a user.

this seems like something i should be able to know at a glance, even just truncating the first sentence would be extremely helpful. sharing examples of what I'm talking about with red boxes around blank text notifications and a green box around the one text post notification that was actually helpful.

i want all of them to be like the green box example, or to have a toggle that lets me make all of them that descriptive because what we have right now isn't helping.. this is one area where less is not more on the UX side and I'd rather have a little more clutter that's extremely useful and time saving than having to work with this for the sake of a more tidy looking notifications tab, it's a lot of extra work none of us need to be doing yk?

Answer: Hey there, @kuromi-hoemie!

This is not working as it should be, and so this feels like a bug to us. If the post has text, we should always show a summary for text posts!

So this feels like a great chance to direct folks to the Support Form instead, for bugs experienced on Tumblr, where you can fill all of this in as much detail as possible and file it as a Support request. From there, someone will take a look into it pronto.

We hope this helps. Thanks for your question!

[norrisainz33]

field hockey || GR63

☆ summary: george russell’s girlfriend, y/n, is an olympic (field) hockey player and he’s obsessed with her

☆ pairing: george russell x olympic!reader

☆ fc & warning: lily owsley and slightly suggestive. you are responsible for the content you consume

☆ requested: yes!! apologies for the delay - thank you sm for taking the time to request 🤍

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

georgerussell63 has added to his private story

view all story replies

alex_albon: when is y/n/n’s next match?

georgerussell63: 2 days! same day as race day🥹

alex_albon: 💔 man i wanted to watch

georgerussell63: you still can! briefly! i will have it on in my garage

ynuser: georgie 😫 i miss you more!!!! also why don’t YOU hurry up and finish racing so you can come to paris????

georgerussell63: i’m working on it baby girl

ynuser: well work harder 😉

georgerussell63: yes ma’am 😍

lilymhe: you can’t rush greatness

georgerussell63: i know you’re right but im going to try anyway

lewishamilton: don’t stress her out mate 😂😂

georgerussell63: oops

yourbff: that’s my girl actually ☝🏻

georgerussell63: not this again 🫠

georgerussell63 has made a post

liked by yourbff, mercedesamgf1, teamgb, lewishamilton, ynuser, alex_albon, lilymhe, and 874,234 others

georgerussell63: everyone stop what you’re doing - y/n is playing in the olympics today

view all 685 comments

user1: george’s account is becoming a fan account for y/n

user2: george aren’t you racing today ??

mercedesamgf1: let’s go y/n! (george please pay attention in the drivers meeting)

georgerussell63: i am paying attention

alex_albon: y/n y/n y/n!!! let’s go!!!

lilymhe: lets gooooooo that’s my best friend!!

ynuser: i 🫶🏻 you both

user3: i thought this was y/n’s post but it’s just george reminding us how much he loves his girl

landonorris: 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

ynuser: 🤍🇬🇧🤍🇬🇧🤍

user4: rooting for you both today!!!

user5: y/ngeorge for the win!!

mercedesamgf1: it’s race day here in SPA! Join George as he talks race day updates and aspirations and y/n’s olympic campaign.

view all 125 comments

user4: george not talking abt y/n challenge failed

user5: i love how much he loves her

georgerussell63: my girl’s about to win!! you all should tune in!!

user16: shouldn’t you be in the car rn george

user63: he’s live tweeting from the garage apparently

mercedesamgf1: george give me your phone now - toto

user7: loving that all this mercedes and george promo is bringing the love the field hockey world deserves

yourbff: yesss georgie educate the masses on the olympic schedule!!!!

georgerussell63: watch 🗣️ gb field hockey 🗣️ now 🗣️

user9: get you a man like george who cares more about talking about your success than his own

user10: i want them to be my mom and dad

ynuser has posted to their story

view all story replies

user6: girl did you even step off the field yet ?

georgerussell63: my woman my woman my woman. i fcking love you

ynuser: i love you more my race winner

georgerussell63: simply not possible my olympic field hockey game winner

ynuser: i can’t wait to kiss your cute face

georgerussell63: sprinting away from media duties and to the jet to get to paris rn

ynuser: literally counting down the minutes

user56: a winning day for y/n/n and georgie

yourbff: a couple who wins together stays together

ynuser: 😭😭 winning on the same day hit like nothing else

yourbff: so proud of you both bb 🤍

mercedesamgf1: absolutely amazing result for you both. so so so happy for you y/n ❤️

ynuser: thank you admin ily

georgerussell63 posts to his private story

view all story replies

landonorris: gross

georgerussell63: if you think this is gross you should’ve seen what we did after

landonorris: i hate you

alex_albon: now you can finally stop crying about missing her!

georgerussell63: yes! until the next time we are apart that is

llyzneimer: my baby girl, give her back to me

georgerussell63: never! she is mine!

lilyzneimer: didn’t anyone ever teach you to share?

georgerussell63: nope!

ynuser: hot

georgerussell63: oh yea 😏

lewishamilton: send her my best

georgerussell63: she sends it right back and she says she wants to see roscoe asap

lewishamilton: roscoe would love a play date 🤍

yourbff: stop distracting her from playing hockey

georgerussell63: i am NOT distracting her ☝🏻

ynuser has made a post

liked mercedesamgf1, georgerussell63, yourbff, alex_albon, teamgb, landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 152,324 others

ynuser: not the way i would have hoped our time at the olympics would have ended. we gave it everything we had and for that i am so incredibly proud. there’s always next time!! thank you to everyone for the outpouring of support and love - i hope you’ve been inspired to keep watching field hockey!! thank you to my friends, my coaches, my teammates, my family and most of all george for enabling this dream to come true. see you next time paris 🤍🇬🇧

view all 231 comments

user23: 4th is still impressive you gorgeous hockey queen

user44: thanks for introducing us to the incredible game of field hockey y/n

user54: no like fr i had no idea how fun the sport was!!! everyone say thank you y/n!

user64: thank you y/n

user74: thanks y/n/n

ynuser: you are so welcome 🫶🏻

georgerussell63: you’re an olympian y/n/n and no one can take that away from you, medal or not. you have inspired me and so many others. i love you y/n ❤️

ynuser: i love you mr russell 🥹

user45: we are proud of you mother

landonorris: great effort y/n! proud that you’re out there representing team 🇬🇧

ynuser: thank you lan

user33: still my favorite olympian

roscoelovescoco: prouds of yous my friends 😘

ynuser: i needed this thank you 😭

user35: can’t wait for the next olympics for you to eat it up and win gold

ynuser has added to their story

view all story replies

user46: hoping you both enjoy your break!!

user87: are you guys just gonna get married yet or what

yourbff: enjoy italy!! love you both 🤍

ynuser: 🤍🤍pasta🤍🤍

mercedesamgf1: much needed rest and recovery time 🫶🏻

teamgb: until next time 🏑🇬🇧

georgerussell63: blue is your color

ynuser: so is gold 😏

georgerussell63: oh i know 💍

user78: that dress is to die for tf

roscoelovescoco: stops by and sees me pls

ynuser: will do ❤️

lilyzneimer: enjoy pretty girl

ynuser: can’t wait to see you and osc 🤍

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

a/n: thanks for reading!! likes and reblogs appreciated!! this concludes my olympic reader series. appreciate all of you reading 🥹

ﾟ. ✿ ୨❤︎୧⠀✿ . ﾟ

disclaimer: pictures are not mine and everything i write is fiction

© norrisainz33 || please do not rewrite, translate, or copy any of my works posted here on to any other platform

[lanadelreyscokewhor3]

the “monster”- winchester brothers

pairing: the winchester brothers x hunter! fem! reader

summary: you consume an energy drink for the first time… and the boys have to deal with the consequences

word count: no idea, im writing this as i go!1!1

warnings: swearing, some sexual undertones? kinda? flirting (this is a no wincest zone ew), size kink if you squint, pet names

this is inspired by me having an energy drink and being wide awake at 1:30am as a consequence:)

“we need to put her ass in the fuckin trunk” dean grumbled, eyes catching yours in the reflection of the rearview. it had been a long day- a long week actually- as hunting with the winchester brothers usually was.

don’t get it twisted, it was amazing. you loved them to bits and pieces. they were your best friends and you had massive crushes on them but that’s besides the point.

but hunting was difficult. especially because you had just kinda been tossed in the middle of them- literally, and had limited prior experience to this whole demon thing.

the other demon you dealt with was deans snoring, and the crappy old motel beds you had to share with one of the brothers whichever night- taking turns, they called it. not that you minded much- but sam was such a giant he basically swallowed the whole bed, the sheets- with you tangled in it. sleep was limited here. time was of the essence, when it came to backseat sleeps.

but tonight… tonight it was different. sam had starting talking about some kind of demon, a new case- and it had perked your interest more than usual. so had you drank two energy drinks to stay awake the entire night- researching? yes. yes you had. and now the brothers were suffering the consequences of allowing those two monsters down your throat.

“dean you couldn’t possibly do that. cause then who would distract you from the road?” you chirped, leg bouncing so much it practically rattled the impala. you could see sam in the side mirror, a hand over his mouth, trying so very hard not to laugh at you and your perky attitude.

“i’m sure we could still feel your presence from the trunk sweetheart you’re so god damn roudy- HEY WHAT THE FUCK?” he yelled, the car jerking slightly as you put your finger in your mouth before sticking it right in deans ear.

“DID YOU JUST GIVE ME A WET WILLY? WHAT ARE WE FIVE?”

“twenty five.” you said, making a two and a five with your hands, smiling ear to ear knowing you had distracted him. you couldn’t help it. you loved their attention, and right now? you needed it. or you’d go crazy and jump out the car, having so much energy you could probably jog next to it.

“okay, okay- you two enough. let’s just get to the room and then we can separate yeah?”

“yeah by like two feet. you get her tonight dude. i am not sleeping next to the chipmunk from hoodwinked.” dean mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“oh sammy. you’re stuck with me- but it’s okay! i’m not sleeping tonight anyways. too much work to do- i gotta start with some archives…” you murmured to yourself as you stared out the window, mentally making a checklist of everything you needed to do tonight. sleep was not on it.

finally, after what felt like ages, the car had sped into the parking lot of some dingy motel and you practically scrambled out.

“okay, okay let’s go! let’s go let’s go! jesus are you always so slow? just because you guys are giants doesn’t mean you have to be sloths.” you grabbed sams large hand, intertwining his fingers with yours as you tried to pull him forward- failing miserably.

dean just shook his head, holding back a laugh. “ im gonna get us checked in. you deal with her.” he turned his attention to you, a glint in his eye. “now sweetheart don’t give him any trouble for like.. five minutes. kay?”

“kay.” you nodded, swinging sams arm as you rocked back and forth on your feet. “i’m so excited.” you confessed, making sam crinkle his nose in confusion.

“why are you excited princess?”

you loved the pet names they gave you. they always sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach- especially because they were assigned. not technically, of course. but dean always called you sweetheart. and sam always called you princess. that’s just how it was.

“cause there’s so much to read about! i can’t read in the car, i get so much motion sickness. but now that we’re here i can finally make some notes! hey, according to the lore…” you trailed off, making him laugh loudly. “you’re so cute. you know that?”

you shrugged, grabbing his arm.“guess so. you guys say it all the time, so i guess it’s true.”

“it is true. we lie to everyone else- but never you.” sam smirked, lifting his arm and flexing, sending you up off the ground with him, making you squeal at the sudden height difference. the size difference between you and both the brothers made your body heat- just a little. they were your best friends- it was wrong of you to think of them that way but… they way they could just manhandle you like you were nothing…

“all set.” a voice called out, and you saw dean with a set of keys jingling in his hand. he stopped at the sight of you and groaned. “so what, nows she’s some kind of spider monkey?”

you giggled as sam carried you into the room, throwing you down on the bed with a bounce. you were excited, like you were every night- to sleep next to them. they often instinctively held you while they slept- as if they were trying to keep you safe.

sometimes it was just a little cuddle, and a soft forehead kiss or a hair stroke goodnight, other times you woke up with something big and hard pressed against your ass. it was always a gamble. and you were up for it either way.

“so!” you exclaimed, rolling up and grabbing a bag. “we hittin the books or what?!”

————

mood: bouncing off the walls