#we don’t have a dinner place
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is prom even worth it at this point.
#the stress of planning everything is making me not want to go!!#we don’t have a dinner place#one couple bailed on us#i don’t even like half of the people i’m going with#and someone is trying to invite MORE people one of which will most definitely be vaping the whole time and another i don’t know#but st this point i’ve already spent too much money on it so i might is well go right?#it’s in a local art museum which i love but everything about this process makes me want to kill everyone#dreamy woes#oversharing on the internet
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slowly starting to make things feel like home
#still don’t have a couch or lounge chairs yet and money is supremely tight this month but i’m making the most of the new place#had dinner last night with the other lecturers for this year and we were cutting up for five hours#so grateful to be finding people up here and slowly getting my own space together
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Child Danny by degree of the eyeguys to have him at peak power for the future but he somehow gets forced to live with Wes Weston.
Wes forced to adopt Danny is the funniest shit. Spent his life trying to out the guy now hes legally responsible for the guy. Whos very smug for someone who can’t even use the coffee pot.
Danny isnt too happy to be forced back to a 6 year old. His new slightly more emotional body is maybe acting out a little ok sue him.
Wes is now so torn between finally being able to prove himself right and keeping his now ?child? Safe.
Danny btw still denies being anything but a normal guy.
#danny phantom#danny fenton#wes weston#idk im kinda distracted cause my mom said it was just three of us#anyway like 12 people are coming and I wanna burn this place to the ground#my auntie got a devorce??? I thought that was her brother lmao#no no liz it aint gonna be no big event ok just a small dinner#anyway we have a turkey and a ham#liz u gotta make this and liz can u set up the tree#hey liz put up the lights#ok the yelling had hardly started#I could just leave but I brought the ham and ill be damned if I don’t eat some#though I don’t wanna be here#someone quickly set my hair on fire
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Anyone have any easy (cheap) dinners when you feel like shit and don’t want to do anything?
#I was hanging out with a friend for a bit#and I was doing fine#but then for some fucking reason once we parted ways my mood just DIPPED#so so so soooOooOoo duuuumb#anyway#trying to figure out some sort of easy cheap dinner that I can make#I really don’t want to go out again#(1-nothing sounds good 2-I’m broke and feel like I’m wasting money and 3-don’t wanna go by myself lol)#depression is kicking my ASS lately#and I’m trying to fight back by making food or doing something good for myself#but everything seems to be in my way#gotta figure out something to make then I usually get decision fatigue cause wtf#also literally nothing sounds good anymore I’m just sick of food tbh#then I gotta go shopping for shit cause we have nothing at my place#which is going to take all the little energy I have#and I’m not going to have any energy to actually cook#cause even if I do cook I’m gonna have to clean up and do dishes after#and like???????#how do people do this on a regular basis#I’m having trouble just surviving and people are cooking and taking care of themselves just fine#rant over#probably will end up just saying fuck it and getting something to eat out….. again 🙃#shut up rosie
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was supposed to go to dinner tonight w the friend who canceled on me for brunch on sunday but she canceled again so now i’m like well… should i take myself out to dinner this time too
#funnily enough we had plans to go to the same place tonight that i went to sunday#could go to the place we were supposed to go to sunday for dinner tonight#but they don’t have as nice a patio. and this friend likes going there so i’m kind of tired of their food#i wish more places had their OUTDOORS set up already!! chop chop im ready to sit on your patio!! let’s go!#chatpost#i probably oughtta not go to a restaurant again tho haha. expensie
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#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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#in a strange place today and i need to put this somewhere. i do not have a journal yet. this is it#my grandad was diagnosed with dementia years ago and the grandad i have now is often unrecognisable from the one i grew up with#and while this like isn’t fun and it is strange for him to look at me and not know me more times than he does. it has also been kind of l#lovely?#bc he thinks my granny is still alive so whenever i get to go see him i get to pretend she is too. and she is for a minute. and tho i am#glad she went before him. it is nice to say oh i’m popping in to see her after this grandad and talk about her like she’s hasn’t been gone#since i’ve been ten. my dad has spoken more to him in the last five years than he has his whole life#he was not an easy man. he was loud and friendly and hard working and funny and scary but not easy. in ways he is even#harder now. in others he is easier.#he is more of a child. this is what dementia can do to a brain. we are learning things about his childhood that no one alive has ever spoken#about. that no one knew. my dad doesn’t love him more now but he understands him better#my grandad taught me how to drive a tractor and how to fish through my dad and he has not recognised me in over a year and he#hasn’t walked since he broke his pelvis seven years ago and his muscles are nearly all gone. he is a fraction of the size he used to be. his#personality and body took up my childhood like adults on the screen in cartoons. he hasn’t dressed himself in a decade. he told one of the#nurses that after dinner he wanted ice cream plain like herself and nearly peed when she laughed and told him to fuck off#he is in there. he is himself. i know him. but he isn’t. he doesn’t know me but he allows me to tell him how to ppl he knows are doing. he#still somehow trusts me. we talk a lot about my granny and how she stayed up watching tv again last night so she’s tired today. don’t stay#long when you call in to see her?#whenever we would journey to see him and my granny and get in v late he’d ask us if we wanted apple tart and my granny would say michael.#not ur kids. u can’t parent them. he didn’t know my name yesterday but he asked me if i wanted apple tart#i hope he dies soon. for all that i will miss this. miss my dad having this. he would not want to live like this. it wouldntbe living to him
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been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently
#i love them but im gonna explain#i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did#but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes#i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now#in healthcare no less#but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad#im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts#like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no#and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face#even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said:#i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too#bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall#bc i feel we don’t do this any more#i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go#i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her#bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort#my other situation is my childhood best friend#i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me.#it comes from a place of knowing me for so long#and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins#but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis#even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins#bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st#like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup#even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back#bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me#and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it#but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back#i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag#idk its a lot. thank u for listening
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I’ve legitimately had a rotten day today. :(
#it’ll get better probably but I’ve been close to tears all day and I’m not really a crying person#never cry ever but today has made me want to pull my hair out!#I wake up late for work and then I go to close the door to my kitchen and the HANDLE falls off#had to move everything from my living room to the kitchen because there are workers fixing a part of the wall#forgot my headphones#get to work and my manager just randomly decided to switch everyone’s seats for the fun ig but like#I have issues with change and routine and blah blah also he sat me next to a dude that makes me uncomfortable#so I asked to move and then we had to move all the pcs around and all the cables were messed up#chest hurts my asthma is acting up and I still don’t have an inhaler#got into a fight with my bf over something stupid and almost cried in public#(all is well it was a silly fight)#didn’t get to get the hot chocolate I wanted because I was upset over said fight and just walked back to work#I go to get lunch and the place closed early somehow when they never do that#I am almost completely broke#get home to relax and the workers are STILL HERE even though they were supposed to be finished hours ago#it’s all a lot of silly small things but I do feel as if the world is against me today#bf is going to buy me pizza for dinner and also I have a rp reply from Simon I can distract myself with so all will be well soon!!!!
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#Jesus fucking Christ#why do some people just. not see the mess they’re making and acknowledge that it’s their responsibility to clean up after themselves??#like. you throw your shoes in the entrance exactly where people walk. you let shared loafers stand outside for several hours#you cook the most simple dinner that one time you cook (mind you the other people have equal shares of making food)#and yet you don’t even manage to clean up after neither the cooking NOR taking the food off the table into the fridge so it doesn’t turn bad#you keep on taking the most easy solution that fits you the best without thinking about others. in a space where we all are exhausted#and I’m so done with it for now tbh. how lazy to not care about the bare necessities for others. how rude to admit to it#AND on top of this. you’ll tell stuff about your country that’s *objectively horrifying* and then add on to that that you love your country#it’s just. so many things. are so so so much of what I’d avoid in a person. a few things is fine. no one’s perfect. but damn there’s a limit#SORRY to anyone who’s read this far but I just. had to get it out#this guy is the one I’m working the closest with these two and a half weeks. hes still a kid kind of. I’m not gonna be mean to him#but damn. my patience. is being tested#AHHH I might delete this tbh. I don’t like showing this side of myself. I don’t want to spread this kind of negativity#I’m just so very frustrated. how a human person can come to this place and be here for SO LONG already#and still not have learnt the basics of living and working together#own post#oh. and all the triggering of intrusive thoughts is not helping your case buddy#(which you can’t really know about so it’s kinda fair but also it’s for bad hygiene stuff mostly and that’s. I mean…..)
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trying so hard to be normal but i really don’t think i could survive going to the psych ward and i’m rlly like. bothered my siblings are pushing it so hard
#in neg city#they were rlly like ‘we can’t force you’ but then just kept fucking talking about it#even as i’m crying and saying no no i don’t want to go i’m not going i really don’t want to#and like. idk. when ur sister gets sent to the psych ward at a pivotal point in ur childhood#and that subsequent action adds onto the trauma u were already experiencing at that point like idk man! maybe going to the psych ward would#in fact be very very bad!!!#like any time i think abt the psych ward i think abt my sister one day just disappearing from the house. i think about when the doctors#withheld my letters and i thought my sister either hated me or was fucking dead. i think about having to hide all this agony behind polite#smiles while i was also being bullied mercilessly at school and my CHOIR TEACHER WAS DYING OF CANCER#i think abt the car ride when my aunt told me and my brother that she had to go back in#i think of empty houses and missing places at the dinner table and arguments and so many fucking arguments#i cant go into the psych ward i won’t. and it just felt like that’s all they wanted me to do#and then it became well michelle how do u want us to help u? LEAVE ME ALONE#THATS HOW U HELP. YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME FIGURE IT OUT#i get rlly overwhelmed and stressed when too many people are trying to butt their heads in#and i know they mean well but it just feels like they’re both gonna become mom and i’m not talking to mom for THIS EXACT REASON#idk i just don’t think they can help. i get that they’re rlly worried but i can’t let them help i don’t know what they could do#and they wanna talk about this again tomorrow so now i don’t wanna sleep bc i don’t want tomorrow to happen#but i don’t have anything to do bc i’m in such a terrible mood#i rlly wish i wasn’t alive sometimes#clearly i’m putting too much stress on my siblings and mom is probably worried sick but i’ll never kno bc we aren’t talking#i’m just ruining everyone’s life i rlly shouldn’t be on this planet anymore
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I just had the single most uncomfortable phone call of my LIFE !!! Someone run my phone over with a TRACTOR and then SHOOT it with an GUN!!
#basically I was talking to a coworker asking for advice on how to handle another coworker of ours who had said some vaguely racist shit#fairly regularly#like she’s older so her heart is in the right place but it’s…. uncomfortable yk ?#and this coworker set up a meeting with admin to talk about how I feel victimized and am afraid to speak up (I’m not)#but I had my meeting and basically said ‘I want it on paper that I talked to y’all and asked for advice but I’d rather try to approach this#on my own and solve it person to person without attacking her or having her reprimanded’#and admin was like cool so we are actually totally gonna let you do that and also have a meeting where we do the opposite of that tehe#so I got a call from my coworker today that was like ‘UHHHH DID YOU GO TO ADMIN AND TELL THEM YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY CLASSROOM BECAUSE#YOU THINK IM RACIST??’#like bro#I eat one meal a day and I get this shit during my dinner time#fuuuuuuuccccckkkk#like I was completely blindsided with this and thank god I can talk normally while crying bc I was fuckjng sobbing from anxiety#like yeah you did say some racist shit but working with you is better than working with any of the other people who don’t have their shit#together#as shitty as it sounds I’ve kinda come accept a certian level of micro aggression (and macroagressiom bc tbh Glenda girl you go too far)#like I’m always uncomfortable and always unhappy and I’m always gonna be like that but NOW I’m uncomfortable because I’m getting#a phone call during MY dinner bc admin did exactly what I did not want them to do#like I wish there was a way that I could be like ‘yo I’m formally reporting that some shady shit is happening- I wanna handle it peacefully’#‘but if it can’t be resolved I want to cover my ass and not get my words twisted#I like working with Glenda most of the time… just not when she’s talking about white privelage or lack there of…#no Gelnda the teacher shortage isn’t caused by bps only hiring poc teachers and not giving jobs to white people#I promise reverse racism isn’t the root of why we can’t get coverage for music health or financial literacy or seventh grade ELA or math#idk idk I’m not doing it Justice#like I was uncomfortable in the classroom before but now I’m gonna be MORE uncomfortable bc all this shit blew up in my face#all this taught me is to never speak up about microaggressions and never go to administration with concerns of how to solve issues-#you know: the exact WRONG takeaway because everything is so fucking messy#fuck me I can’t wait to apply for work outside of the US#also not to have a cynic victim mentally but none of this shot would’ve happened if I was white… :/#but yeah.. whatever … middle eastern people don’t experience racism ig
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What would be your perfect date? 😊
First date? Probably just a classic dinner at a restaurant or homemade meal. I want to get all dolled up and they actually dress up too and we spend the time getting to know each other.
#perfect first date and perfect date in general would be different though#I’m a hopeless romantic so I have plentyyyyy date ideas 😂#the one that comes to my mind right now is a paintball date#(specially thinking of the scene in 10 things i hate about you)#but really???#truthfully?#I want them to plan a date by themselves and just tell me when to be ready for them to pick me up#i wouldn’t really care what we did#just the thought of having someone actually spend the time planning and getting a date together?#that would blow my mind tbh#i wanna say I’ve been on like 3ish ‘real’ dates and I’m pretty sure I had to decide for each of them#if you know me you know I HATE decisions#so I think having someone know that about me and decide for me and plan it all so I don’t have to lift a finger??#yeah that sounds like a dream#for the first date I like the idea of just a classic dinner date so then you can kinda feel out the vibes#if we can talk over dinner and constantly have something to talk about (no awkward dead silences) then I’m sure I’d have fun#doing anything else with them#** also I was trying to reply to this ask while I was at work but it didn’t go well 🤦🏽♀️#every single time I looked down at my phone or started typing something would happen in my yard#so I had to set my phone down and take care of it 🤦🏽♀️#only one more shift left and then I’m outta there 👌#lol this is all over the place I’m sorry#I don’t wanna go back and redo any of it tho so here we are 😂#I just really want to go on a date in general 😭😭😭#I want to flirt and blush and get swept off my feet 😤#thanks for the ask sweetheart 🩷#ask#lovely mutuals
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#hi you’re getting a rant from me today bc i’m still so pissed off ajejfjke#might delete this later idk#so i went out to dinner with friends and then we were gonna go out to a club but it was kinda late and we didn’t know where to go#so this one friend suggested we just go to his house#now this friend and i have a little history and ngl i may have gone with him in his car bc 1) i don’t drive and 2) i’ve gone with him before#nvm that once we made out in his car right (but i fully use that to my slight advantage)#we hadn’t seen each other since like november and haven’t properly talked waaaay before that so we caught up in between car rides#and once we got to his place and a couple of other friends left we started bantering and lowkey flirting#which led to him sitting like right next to me pressed up against me and we were really close and then with consent he starts to like#pull me close and touch my legs and ngl it’s a little embarrassing bc there were three other friends there#and he goes on to compliment my outfit several times and saying i have great style blah blah blah#but bc there’s other ppl we don’t kiss and i’m BARKING SO FUCKING MAD BC I KNOW IT COULDVE LED THERE#he always brings up this weird conversation talking about really liking to get acquainted with someone else’s smell and how intimate it is#and we even fucking smelled each other and he said i smelled good/great i don’t remember his exact words#y’all i just wanna be KISSED like#he’s a fuck boy and i know that but i’m not looking for a relationship i just wanna be KISSED FUCKING AJEJFJSKEK#anyway i deserved kisses last night and fuck hanging out with other ppl bc i would’ve definitely gotten some last night if not for the crowd#WAIT I FORGOT THE BEST PART#he literally showed me shirtless pics of himself and dude’s fucking ripped which is not necessary but a definite plus#y’all if that wasn’t a fucking opening shoot me bc idk what is
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I have spent a total of 3 hours attempting to create a clear enough (and clean enough) bloodline tree for ThunderClan. It’s been. A fucking time.
#daisytoe and Flashnose I love you both but you are the problem#this is for another rewrite project#I’m not going to be completely rewriting the first books more so it’ll be a soft rewrite for that#I might have to actually split more litters#because I just. I can foresee it being a problem in the future#some interesting ideas rn are#t4t runningred#they only have one kit#icekit who is a soft remake of snowkit because I don’t love snowkits storyline but I think we should have a deaf character who isn’t#poorly written for cheap sympathy#icekit becomes icetalon and the hawk attack only takes place while he’s an apprentice because it makes more sense#he’d be out on patrol and the other cats would likely camouflage better into their surroundings while icepaw sticks out from above#he doesn’t get harmed - he not only notices everyone else panicking but the change in the breeze and he dodges out of the way#the bird crashes into the ground. free dinner lol#the patrol kills it and icepaw is offered a talon from the creature as a momento of that time he dodged a damn hawk#also his bio sire is likely not a ThunderClan cat#for reasons tawnyspots is trans now and frostfur is his daughter#he was illegal mates with whitefang of RiverClan#dappletail is sunstar and rainfurs daughter#she becomes mates with patchpelt and they have sandstorm and longtail#darkstripe is whitestorms brother and brindlefaces mate#probably a lot more but I forgot#warrior cats#wc
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5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.
But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.
Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.
For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.
But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.
Happy.
It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.
Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.
It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.
A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.
5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.
It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.
Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.
I’m a Rescue.
She gave me a Home.
And, so, I gave her a Family.
It seemed fair
This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.
don’t give up yet, ok?
It could get good, even.
#troglodyte thoughts#tales from Real Life#cw addiction#cw alcohol#sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train#run#fight#hide#SURVIVE#do not go into the light#there are unpet dogs#and unhugged children#and unseen sunsets#and maybe even love#even for a wretch like me#the best part of your life might be old age#you don’t know
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