#it’s in a local art museum which i love but everything about this process makes me want to kill everyone

[dreamyzworldlove]

is prom even worth it at this point.

[hlupdate]

W​​hat’s the secret to a great portrait? At 86 years old, David Hockney has a few ideas. A lifetime of looking has taught him to always start with the face. “I begin with the head first,” he says, matter-of-factly, from his home in France. “From there, I place everything else.”

That was his approach when, late last May, Harry Styles traveled to his light-filled studio in Normandy and stationed himself on a cane chair, ready to become the esteemed artist’s latest subject. Over two days, Hockney worked to capture the exact hues of red and yellow in Styles’s striped cardigan, the indigo of his jeans, the string of pearls at his neck—not to mention the unmistakable tousled fringe of one of the world’s biggest pop stars. For the artist, though, the goal was merely to capture the essence of the person in front of him. “I wasn’t really aware of his celebrity then,” Hockney says, with a shrug. “He was just another person who came to the studio.”

The pair struck up an instant rapport that was likely helped by Styles being a full-on fanboy. For his Vogue cover shoot in 2020, Styles wore a pair of hand-painted Bode cords that featured a talismanic illustration of Hockney by artist Aayushia Khowala. It’s also hard to imagine the wide-eyed wonder of a flamboyant Brit discovering the sunny thrills and spills of California—a theme, and sound, that has permeated the former One Direction singer’s solo albums—without Hockney as a precedent. “David Hockney has been reinventing the way we look at the world for decades,” says Styles. “It was a complete privilege to be painted by him.”

The unveiling of the portrait kicks off the second iteration of the National Portrait Gallery’s Hockney exhibition “Drawing From Life,” which first opened in February 2020, only to close weeks later due to the pandemic. With the addition of a new room of pictures charting Hockney’s creative impulses throughout lockdown, the show returns on November 2—a few months after a refurbishment of the entire museum—with Styles’s portrait as its crown jewel. “The whole world shut down, and the exhibition was still sitting there, in the dark,” recalls Sarah Howgate, the gallery’s senior curator of contemporary collections, who oversaw the exhibition in both phases. “So it’s nice to know it will have another life.”

The Styles painting may bring star wattage, but the unassuming genius of Hockney’s portraiture is still the main exhibition draw. What makes his images tick, you quickly learn, is their honesty: whether in the tension bubbling beneath the surface of his famed double portrait of Ossie Clark and Celia Birtwell, painted between 1970 and ’71, or the seated figures that populated his 2016 Royal Academy of Arts exhibition, which included the likes of his own sister, Margaret, and the late comedian Barry Humphries. Hockney’s eye for the human figure may be playful, often kaleidoscopic, sometimes fantastical—but it’s always, most importantly, frank.

Styles’s portrait will hang alongside those of writer Gregory Evans, Hockney’s printer Maurice Payne, the mayor of his local town Dozulé, his gardener, and even his chiropodist, or in Hockney’s words, “the dandy who cuts my toenails.”

One of his more recent subjects was the eminent music producer Clive Davis, who first suggested inviting Styles to swing by. “Clive told me about Harry’s new album, and JP [Hockney’s studio assistant] sent Harry a note and asked him if he’d like to come to my studio and sit for his portrait,” Hockney remembers. “He replied straight away and said, yes, he’d love to.” From there, Hockney’s process of painting Styles was instinctive. “Everybody just came to sit,” he says, breezily, before admitting: “Now I know Harry’s a celebrity, though: I’ve seen all his music videos.”

“He’s not a traditional portrait painter,” says Howgate. Hockney’s interest is not in what people do, but rather in who they are. “He’s not interested in fame. He’s interested in depicting people and their relationships.” It’s why his eye is primarily trained on his inner circle these days—but it also pays testament to his enduring curiosity that he’s still willing to open that up to a newcomer every so often. Styles seems to know how lucky he is, adding, with a tinge of disbelief: “I’m in awe of the man with enough one-liners for a lifetime.” As to what those one-liners might be? Styles and Hockney’s mutual silence on that question suggests that what happens in the studio, stays in the studio.

“David Hockney: Drawing From Life” will be at the National Portrait Gallery from November 2 to January 21, 2024.

[thestylesindependent]

W​​hat’s the secret to a great portrait? At 86 years old, David Hockney has a few ideas. A lifetime of looking has taught him to always start with the face. “I begin with the head first,” he says, matter-of-factly, from his home in France. “From there, I place everything else.”

That was his approach when, late last May, Harry Styles travelled to his light-filled studio in Normandy and stationed himself on a cane chair, ready to become the esteemed artist’s latest subject. Over two days, Hockney worked to capture the exact hues of red and yellow in Styles’s striped cardigan, the indigo of his jeans, the string of pearls at his neck – not to mention the unmistakable tousled fringe of one of the world’s biggest pop stars. For the artist, though, the goal was merely to capture the essence of the person in front of him. “I wasn’t really aware of his celebrity then,” Hockney says, with a shrug. “He was just another person who came to the studio.”

The pair struck up an instant rapport that was likely helped by Styles being a full-on fanboy. For his US Vogue cover shoot in 2020, Styles wore a pair of hand-painted Bode cords that featured a talismanic illustration of Hockney by artist Aayushia Khowala. It’s also hard to imagine the wide-eyed wonder of a flamboyant Brit discovering the sunny thrills and spills of California – a theme, and sound, that has permeated the former One Direction singer’s solo albums – without Hockney as a precedent. “David Hockney has been reinventing the way we look at the world for decades,” says Styles. “It was a complete privilege to be painted by him.”

The unveiling of the portrait kicks off the second iteration of the National Portrait Gallery’s Hockney exhibition Drawing From Life, which first opened in February 2020, only to close weeks later due to the pandemic. With the addition of a new room of pictures charting Hockney’s creative impulses throughout lockdown, the show returns on 2 November – a few months after a refurbishment of the entire museum – with Styles’s portrait as its crown jewel. “The whole world shut down, and the exhibition was still sitting there, in the dark,” recalls Sarah Howgate, the gallery’s senior curator of contemporary collections, who oversaw the exhibition in both phases. “So it’s nice to know it will have another life.”

The Styles painting may bring star wattage, but the unassuming genius of Hockney’s portraiture is still the main exhibition draw. What makes his images tick, you quickly learn, is their honesty: whether in the tension bubbling beneath the surface of his famed double portrait of Ossie Clark and Celia Birtwell, painted between 1970 and ’71, or the seated figures that populated his 2016 Royal Academy of Arts exhibition, which included the likes of his own sister, Margaret, and the late comedian Barry Humphries. Hockney’s eye for the human figure may be playful, often kaleidoscopic, sometimes fantastical – but it’s always, most importantly, frank.

Styles’s portrait will hang alongside those of writer Gregory Evans, Hockney’s printer Maurice Payne, the mayor of his local town Dozulé, his gardener and even his chiropodist, or in Hockney’s words, “the dandy who cuts my toenails” .

One of his more recent subjects was the eminent music producer Clive Davis, who first suggested inviting Styles to swing by. “Clive told me about Harry’s new album, and JP [Hockney’s studio assistant] sent Harry a note and asked him if he’d like to come to my studio and sit for his portrait,” Hockney remembers. “He replied straight away and said, yes, he’d love to.” From there, Hockney’s process of painting Styles was instinctive. “Everybody just came to sit,” he says, breezily, before admitting: “Now I know Harry’s a celebrity, though: I’ve seen all his music videos.”

“He’s not a traditional portrait painter,” says Howgate. Hockney’s interest is not in what people do, but rather in who they are. “He’s not interested in fame. He’s interested in depicting people and their relationships.” It’s why his eye is primarily trained on his inner circle these days – but it also pays testament to his enduring curiosity that he’s still willing to open that up to a newcomer every so often. Styles seems to know how lucky he is, adding, with a tinge of disbelief: “I’m in awe of the man with enough one-liners for a lifetime.” As to what those one-liners might be? Styles and Hockney’s mutual silence on that question suggests that what happens in the studio, stays in the studio.

David Hockney: Drawing From Life will be at the National Portrait Gallery from 2 November to 21 January 2024

[infinitejourneysinfiniteworlds]

DR Journaling: Shady Oak Lane

Better CR Life: My Careers, and My Art

I spent many years in my twenties traveling, working seasonally at resorts around the country, both inside and close to various national parks. It was my main bread and butter for a long time, though the work itself was very mundane and boring-- I did everything from housekeeping to retail. I finally settled into a comfortable position in the laundry room of the resort in the Berkshires that became my home for several years, eventually landing the Laundry Supervisor job. I lived and worked there until 2012, when I was able to make the change to working full time as a freelance artist, moving into town and getting a little apartment.

Before I had originally left Texas, I had taken classes at the Museum of Fine Art, taking their full drawing and painting program. It didn't give me a degree, but it allowed me to refine my skills to a professional level. When I started working in resorts around the country, I supplemented my income by painting landscapes of the local areas, with a theme of magic and enchantment. I would sell them in town, in consignment shops and local fairs and such, and some of the resorts I worked at also cut a deal with me to sell in their general on-site stores. At first, I rarely had prints made, due to it being impractical because of the distance I had to travel to do things like that; however, when I started working at the resort in the Berkshires, there was a lovely little town very close, Jasper, that had a printing service shop for artists. I was able to make prints and also start building an online presence and taking commissions here and there while still working at the resort. By the time 2012 rolled around I was making as much as, and sometimes more, than my resort pay with my artwork.

It was a little scary, taking that leap of faith and quitting my resort job, but it paid off so quickly. It helped that I had a pretty good-sized stash of money from wise investments that I'd built up over the years, so even though sometimes things were a bit lean work-wise, I was able to keep going. Once I did sign up for UBI (universal basic income), but I didn't need it for very long. I got my foot in the door, making the change from traditional art to mostly digital as I began creating art for big publishing houses, gaming companies, and the like.

After a little while I was able to shift my focus from commissions to creating, licensing, and selling personal work; this is now the bulk of my art income. I only take a handful of freelance gigs every year, and then only the ones I feel passionate about.

I am working on an elaborate, lavishly illustrated urban fantasy series currently. It's been my primary focus, as I'm doing very well financially, between the abundant passive incomes of my investments and print/merchandise sales, and the occasional freelance gig. I am also working on a video version of my series, with partially animated illustrations, original music, and voiceover acting/reading.

There is an absolutely fantastic program called MatrixSphere that I use for this; MatrixSphere is powered by a type of A.I. that respects intellectual property and doesn't harm artists or creatives of any kind. It doesn't do all the work for you, but it greatly streamlines the creative process while allowing for full control over the results. For instance, in the 3D modeling process, if you want to texture and animate your model, it's necessary to re-topologize to prevent warping, a process that is tedious and time-consuming. MatrixSphere's AI engine accurately calculates the best topology for a model based on your requirements (high poly, low poly, etc), runs the engine, and gives you a perfect or near-perfect output which you can then make minor edits to if necessary. This is just one example of how MatrixSphere streamlines the creative process. MatrixSphere also has animation-enhancing capabilities that take into consideration things such as natural movement, balance, center of gravity, even personality. Again, it doesn't do all the work for you but it makes things so much easier.

That being said, I still have a soft spot for traditional art with no technological tools, and I also enjoy digital painting and drawing without all the fancy enhancements.

Jasper is small, but it has a thriving artistic community, and plenty of venues for artists to showcase their work. I've got a few pieces in a gallery still from back when I was still doing local magical landscape art. I enjoy going to art functions now and again, though I don't really fit in with that crowd. I prefer to hang around fellow comic book/fantasy/roleplay geeks, and I've found my people both locally and online.

All in all, I am happy with where I am right now both artistically and career-wise. I am excited to see where my current projects will lead me in the future.

[alokkashyap123]

Life Lessons I Learned from Traveling Solo

It was 2012 when for the first time I planned a solo trip for myself. I decided it when I was going on a business trip and had some extra days to spend alone. It was not like I hadn't traveled alone before but it was a proper trip plan that I planned out for myself. It was really exciting. I simply did what my heart told me.

After my first traveling solo, it kind of became an adventure for me to go on solo trips whenever I got a chance. It has broadened my life. Following every traveling solo, I learned about new people, other cultures, life lessons learned along the way, and a host of other things.

I believe, one of the most rewarding and transformative experiences you can have in life is traveling by yourself. Traveling alone teaches you more about yourself than it does about the world. I enjoy going on solo trips and do it frequently. To be very honest, it takes courage because it can be frightening at some point. So if you wish to travel solo and you are not making the first step, I can understand what you are going through as I have once felt the same.

Let me just quote this wonderful line I once read which motivated me: 

“Don’t be afraid to take that first step. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

There have been many learnings along the way, and I will try to pen down some in this blog.

Cultural Awareness

The many values and historical experiences that people pick up from their cultures are referred to as cultural diversity. So when we go to different places, we come across many cultures.

I especially love this part of traveling solo. When I get to meet different people from different backgrounds. And I have learned a lot of things from the people I meet on these trips when I try to connect with them.

The variations, the leisure time have an impact on a person's motivation and behavior. Acknowledging cultural variety entails respecting the contributions of individuals from many cultures as well as their distinctions. Ans the most beautiful part is this may result in a more welcoming atmosphere where everyone, regardless of cultural background, has equal opportunity.

Getting used to a new culture takes time. It's unrealistic to expect to grasp everything at once. Simply unwinding, having patience, and relishing the process of learning might help a lot.

Just some reminders I keep in mind when traveling solo: 

Do Your Research Beforehand

Be Open-Minded and Avoid Stereotypes

Ask questions

Be respectful of local customs and traditions

Adapting to local culture

Vising art museums, finding out about the city's history, enjoy local food

There you have it, then! Traveling and embracing cultural differences is a transforming experience that broadens our perspective on the world, a show of respect, and a step towards diversity and inclusion. 

Open-Mindedness

By developing an inquisitive attitude, adjusting to regional traditions, and having genuine conversations, we create connections that are meaningful and cross boundaries. In this way, we are helping ourselves to grow and learn. We learn from these encounters that, despite our differences, we are all connected by our common humanity. So let's embrace diversity, travel with an open mind, and treasure the priceless teachings that every culture offers to our souls!

Self-Discovery

Making independent decisions and being conscious of your feelings in the moment are necessary when traveling alone. It offers a chance to discover more about oneself, including likes and desires when granted total freedom. Traveling alone is a journey of self-discovery, despite the cliche.

It is often known that traveling solo has favorable effects on mental health in addition to its other perks. Getting away from the norm and saying goodbye to people you know may be a fulfilling experience. 

According to research, going on a solo trip can lower stress and depressive symptoms, raise endorphin levels, and promote enjoyment. So you are treating yourself well when you choose to travel solo.

Being Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Sometimes we find solace in things we have been doing for a long time. Traveling and taking vacations with your loved ones is one of the comforts people have. Meaning to have any company, to do things in a company is much easier than doing alone. Many times, we worry that traveling alone will make us bored, and lonely, and yearn for company. We will require a companion. There are frequent safety considerations as well, and taking this action truly requires a great deal of courage. 

To get out of your comfort zone is very important in life.

We frequently overanalyze the benefits and drawbacks of our choices before attempting anything new. There are times when we allow one or two "what ifs" to prevent us from trying something new, even when the chances are in our favor and the benefits well exceed the drawbacks. 

Alright consider this: you are here, and you are already one step ahead that you are reading this blog to travel solo. Now is the time, go for it, don't waste time analyzing your alternatives or thinking about whether you'll enjoy it or not. Get the most out of your money and make the most of it, too. You have worked hard to have this and now you must work even harder to make worthwhile experiences that call for giving in to peer pressure!

“Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.”

[favefandomimagines]

Scenic Views (e.b.)

Summary: an ocean view hike is supposed to be relaxing. so why wasn’t it for you and buck?

AN: i defs lost this request BUT i found it and here it is! I’m sorry that it took me so freaking long! i also added a little bit of spice to this

request: @tacopanda omg so cute. you and Buck go hiking on a very scenic hike to a view a ocean view and on the hike you end up spraining your ankle

You knew you shouldn’t have agreed to go on a hike with Buck. Buck was in impeccable shape, he was a firefighter, so of course he was in good shape. You were an amateur painter, who spent most of their time at an art studio than outside. You were healthy and in good shape but you never went out of your way to go to a gym and workout. 

But when Buck asked for something, you usually caved. And this time, he wanted to go on a hike with you. Saying that maybe seeing that beautiful view of the ocean would give you the inspiration you were severely lacking. 

It wasn’t every day that the most prestigious art museum in LA showcased amateur artists and you were lucky enough to be one of the few to be featured. But, you needed a piece to showcase and you had no inspiration for one. Usually an idea just came to you and you’d go wild but given that you knew what could potentially come out of it, that was blocking your creativity immensely. 

You were doing surprisingly well for someone who doesn’t particularly workout on a daily basis. You were keeping up with your boyfriend just fine for the most part. 

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into doing this.” You groaned, climbing a rather steep incline. “You’re doing great though!” Buck commented. “I’m dying on the inside.” You rebutted. “With the pandemic, this is a good way for us to get out of the house and do some bonding.” He said. “We’ve been bonding, stuck at home, for over a year. How much more until you get sick of me?” You teased. 

“I think it’s impossible for me to be sick of you, Y/N.” Buck said. You smiled up at him as the two of you reached what seemed like the end of the trail. You stopped for a moment to catch your breath as Buck looked at the view. “If this doesn’t give you the inspiration to finish your painting, I don’t know what will.” He said. 

You stood up straight and walked towards where he was standing and overlooked the view of the ocean. “Wow. You don’t see a view like this every day.” you commented. There was really an ulterior motive for Buck bringing you on that hike. 

A motive you were not aware of. You and him had been together for the worst moments of each other’s lives, even if it wasn’t always in a romantic sense. You were there when Abby left him, he was there for you when you started art school, you stayed by his side when he was suing the department and the city. Even through a global pandemic, the two of you stayed by each other through it all. 

There was no doubt that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and the scenery was beautiful and it felt like the right place to start. Given that you didn’t know about Buck’s plan, your impulsive and exploratory nature got the best of you. 

There was a large rock a few feet away from where you and Buck were standing and you wanted to go get a better look of the ocean. You moved to stand on the rock while Buck was making sure he didn’t leave the ring at home. 

You were looking at the view from the rock when Buck caught your attention. “Hey, Y/N?” He called. You turned around quickly and somehow lost your footing, bending your ankle in a very unhealthy manner and falling on your ass in the process. 

When you hit the ground, the only thing you could do was laugh. Buck rushed to your aid, examining you for any serious injuries, while you were laughing hysterically. 

“Oh my god, Y/N, are you okay?” He asked you. “This is so embarrassing.” You laughed. “Are you hurt?” Buck questioned. “I think I hurt my ankle. Falling straight on my face.” You answered, still laughing. 

Buck furrowed his eyebrows at your laughter before he pulled out his phone. “I’m calling 911.” He announced. “No, no, I’m fine. It’s just a sprain.” You said. “A sprain that’s swelling up to the size of my wrist. Y/N, you need to go to the hospital.” He told you. 

“Can’t you just carry me back down? I mean, you are a firefighter too.” You questioned. Buck looked at you for a moment, knowing that he really should call an ambulance for you. “Fine. But you’re going to the ER whether you like it or not. If you broke your ankle because of a hike I took you on, you’ll never let me live it down.” He finally said. 

You and Buck made it back down to the parking lot and he carefully placed you in the passenger seat of the car. “I can’t believe I convinced you to do this. It’s my fault you got hurt.” He commented. “Buck, I’m the clumsiest person alive. No one is at fault here but my lack of reflexes.” You rebutted. “But,” He started. “No. No buts. It’ll be fine.” You told him. 

You were in a good amount of pain but you didn’t want him to know that, knowing it would make him feel ten times worse. 

At the end of the day, it was just a severe sprain. Nothing too terribly serious and you just had to keep it bandaged for a few days until the swelling went down. Buck felt terrible, so he made sure that whatever you needed he got for you without the usual complaining. Even though it wasn’t the ideal situation, you might have found the inspiration you were looking for. 

__

It had been a month or so since your failed hike with Buck and it was the night of the showcase at the art museum. The entire 118 was going to be there which made you more nervous than you thought. 

No one has seen the piece you made but you were rather proud of it. You told Buck that it was an abstract landscape piece but in reality it was much more than that. It was a simple, black and white portrait of Buck that you painted after a long night watching TV on the couch. 

It wasn’t anything fancy or extravagant. It was just him, completely unaware that you were memorizing how he looked at that moment. 

Everyone was standing around, drinking champagne and talking amongst themselves, while you were a bundle of nerves. You kept looking around the room, waiting to see when they were going to unveil your piece. 

“Everyone’s going to love it. I mean, you haven’t shown me what it is,  but I have no doubt it’s amazing.” Buck told you. You gave him a smile as the art curator stood in front of your piece. “Oh my god.” You muttered. “The next local artist contribution we’d like to unveil, comes from Ms. Y/F/N Y/L/N.” She announced, before the sheet covering your portrait fell. 

There were murmurs throughout the room but from what you could see on people’s faces, they were all positive murmurs. You avoided Buck’s gaze, afraid of what his reaction would. “Y/N, that’s amazing.” Maddie complimented. “Thank you.” You said, bashfully. 

You then looked up at Buck, who was still staring at the painting of him. “So? Do you hate it? You hate it don’t you. I knew I should’ve asked if it was okay-” You started before his lips met yours. That seemed to silence you long enough for your nerves to dissipate. 

“You really like it?” You whispered when you pulled a part. “I love it, Y/N. I-It’s incredible.” Buck answered. “I thought you didn’t have inspiration.” He added. “Well, after the hike and seeing how you were with me, that gave me inspiration. Because why not paint something I love so much?” You answered. “Will you marry me?” He said without really thinking. “I’m sorry, what?” You questioned. 

“That was supposed to happen way more smoothly than me just blurting it out but, will you marry me? I was going to ask on our hike but then you fell.” Buck said. You were stunned at first, trying to process everything but you soon smiled and nodded your head. “Yes, Buck, I’ll marry you.” You answered. 

No one around you was aware of what was going on and that was 100% fine by you. That evening was about your art and other people’s art, you didn’t want to take that away. 

Buck reached into his pocket and pulled out the small box, opening it up and placing the ring on your finger. “Are we going to tell the others?” You asked, staring at the ring on your finger. “Tonight’s about you and your art. We can tell them tomorrow.” Buck answered. 

You didn’t think a person could be more thankful to have sprained an ankle until now.

[pynkhues]

Was it difficult for you to choose a more creative job path? I've always loved to draw and do anything artistic since I was a child, but I've always been my biggest bully, so insecure, and I've always held myself back. I feel like I squandered my time at university on something I don't want to do because of fear, and I'm embarrassed. It's stupid, but I feel like I'm running out of time. have you ever felt this way?

Ah, I'm sorry you're feeling all those emotions, anon. It can be a really frustrating thing to navigate, especially when you're balancing personal demons with professional aspirations.

And yeah, it has been difficult to choose a creative career path. It's one that requires a lot of resilience by the very nature of it, and it's generally an ugly combination of highly competitive and low-or-unpaid work, and figuring out how to make that work can leave you feeling really unstable. I mean, I work three days a week in the office of a theatre company and do freelance advertorial writing to make ends meet, and that's even before you get into my creative practice which is regarded locally as a 'successful' one even though I could never live off it. I don't have family money, so I do have to navigate the reality of trying to make a living in an industry that can be brutally unaccomodating of that, and I have wondered before about going into GLAM (Galleries, Libraries, Archives, Museums) work which is more in line with what I studied.

That said, I don't really reget any of it either? I love what I do, even when it's really hard, even when I feel really insecure, or things don't go the way I planned (which especially happened with my debut novel coming out halfway through a level-5 lockdown). All I really know is that I'm happiest when I'm writing, and that that matters more than anything else, so working other jobs and doing other things - - if they let me write, if they let me share that writing - - then that's what I want to do and where I want to be.

With your drawing and with your art, identifying whether or not you want it to be a hobby or a profession is really important. Not every passion needs to be monetised, and not every great love needs to be turned into work. I adore cooking, for instance, and love to test out new recipes, but I know that I'd never want to be a chef.

How you figure that out is up to you, but I know for me I figured it out by entering a short story competition for the first time. I didn't win, or place, but the process of submitting was one that felt like it fit, and since then, I haven't really looked back. Having a look around for opportunities for your artwork could be a good way of feeling that out and really figuring out how you feel about your own work. Listening to yourself, and feeling your way through how you respond after that, is, I think, a good way of identifying what sort of role art has in your life.

That said, one of the great things about creative industries is that you're never running out of time. It's an ageless profession in many ways, and while opportunities might change or look different as you get older, there will always be some available to you. If you studied something else at uni, that's okay! I don't believe time is wasted. Gosh, like I said, I studied for GLAM work but I use what I learnt all the time in my writing, particularly around research and pulling from archives.

Hell, I think I use things from every job I've ever had, from toy store shop assistant to projectionist to document writer for government - nothing is ever squandered because everything you've done and been through has something to teach you. You just need to figure out what that is.

So be kind to yourself, anon. Everyone goes through these sorts of emotions, and the only way out of it is through it. Good luck! 💖

[fansofvow]

Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.

[shadow-scenarios]

Date Headcanons | Everyone

Thought I’d write something for everyone so that I can get used to it & you can see my style of writing.

- Nexus.

Joker { Akira Kurusu }

✧ Akira is definitely the type of partner who indulges in more casual dates. Although he has the money & resources in order to do something more classy due to his moonlighting as a Phantom Thief, he prefers more quaint locations where both himself & his partner can enjoy each other’s company instead of the location.

✧ He fundamentally believes that if he can enjoy himself around his significant other without needing to spend vast amounts of money, he’s found someone he can rely on for life. His life is naturally very very stressful so he finds solace in moments where he can simply be himself.

✧ During the date itself, he is the epitome of a gentleman { he does have max Charm, after all! }. Offering to pay for the meal; blatantly flirting but not crossing any unspoken boundaries; Casual touches of affection to fluster them. All in all, Akira simply enjoys having company that’s not related to Phantom Thief business & having someone who doesn’t only want to see him in order to seek out comfort.

Skull { Ryuji Sakamoto }

✧ Another one who likes casual dates. However, he is much less formal about it. Although confident on the outside, on the inside he is very nervous about a date. Ryuji is of the opinion that if he cannot be himself during a date, it would not feel natural. So, he takes his significant other places that seem like fun.

✧ Being the athletic type, Ryuji encourages his significant other to run with him. It is rather cathartic and good training. Starting out with shorter routes, they would be encouraged by him all throughout. Afterwards, there’s a high chance that the two of them would head out for ramen together as a ‘ treat ’.

✧ Other ideas would include the arcade or simply heading to his house. Introducing his partner to his mother is a key part of the relationship, since he desperately wants them to like each other { it wouldn’t be difficult, Ryuji’s mother is just as sweet as his son!! }.

Panther { Ann Takamaki }

✧ There are two types of dates with Ann: Food dates & Fashion dates.

✧ Food dates are usually more common. They consist of going to a restaurant she recommends or finding a dessert and ordering two. Ann encourages her significant other to try new things & expand their horizons much like how she’s trying to strengthen her heart.

✧ Fashion dates occur when Ann’s side job as a model comes into play. If she is in need of new clothes for a particular style or wants to try something new, it is likely to be turned into a date.

✧ Ann knows exactly what fits the body type of her partner & clothes that would make them look good. She wants them to be able to express themselves and feel good about it at the same time!!

✧ In return, all that is asked of them is that they honestly critique the clothing choices she has selected out for herself { she looks great in everything though }.

Fox { Yusuke Kitagawa }

✧ Yusuke’s interpretation of dates is... Strange. No matter what, it has to be visually stimulating & help inspire him in his career of art. He would die for art without a second thought and that reflects in his choices of location.

✧ For example, Inokashira Park is a perfect spot. It costs little money, has beautiful scenery & has a relaxing atmosphere. Throughout the entire experience, there is small gestures of casual affection. Not enough for people to be staring but just enough for it to be noticeable by them.

✧{ After his scuffle with searching for true beauty with Akira, he learns a little more about social ettique & how the boat ride they took could have been misinterpreted as a date. }

✧ However... Sometimes he forgets that going to places costs money. If a local art museum has a special showing, Yusuke will buy two tickets impulsively & invite his significant other to the event. Then he’ll be crushed by the reality of the train fares.

Queen { Makoto Niijima }

✧ At first, Makoto has no idea how to plan a date. She would definitely flunk a test about love, so to speak. However, it is very endearing. Study dates would be the most common, where they could go over any material either of them didn’t understand in classes. She prides herself over being able to assist her significant other.

✧ Once she becomes more adapted to stereotypical teenage life, there is a higher likelyhood of more outdoorsy dates. Her favourite spot is Chinatown because of all the vastly different stores and foods.

✧ She finds it a relaxing experience to people watch. Usually it’s done through the window of a cafe where she offhandedly comments about how different people are dressed & how they interact with each other. Makoto is very insightful.

Oracle { Futaba Sakura }

✧ Going anywhere is mostly out of the question. Futaba struggles with socialising & although she is trying her best to open up a little more, it will be an ongoing process.

✧ Playing video games until 3am or talking about the latest manga edition released from the comfort of her bedroom is one of her favourite things to do with a significant other. It is the one time where she feels comfortable to talk & even if they do not quite understand every thing she is saying, she is very happy to go into depth and explain.

✧ However, there would be one or two occasions where Futaba wants to push herself & go out somewhere. Beforehand, Sojiro would be lecturing her partner about keeping her safe & making sure she’s okay but wishes the two of them a good time.

✧ Although there’s moments where Futaba is overstimulated & needs a break, it is a fun experience! Akihabara is definitely a good place to start & buying a game as a reward for braving it will earn them a beaming smile of sunshine.

Noir { Haru Okumura }

✧ Haru has very few qualms about spending extravagant amounts of money on a single date. She thinks like a celebrity & aims to impress her significant other. Just because she spends a lot of money does not mean she is not thoughtful, though. Most dates will be something her significant other has mentioned interest in. She pays attention!!

✧ Throughout the entire outing, she is not afraid to initiate physical contact. Holding hands is a common & subtle gesture that she never really achieved with her previous marriage so she cherishes gentle intimacy.

✧ However, it eventually becomes known that she prefers cheaper & more heart-to-heart style dates. Making a picnic for her partner with the vegetables / fruits from her garden brings unparalleled joy. Especially when they give advice and talk about the taste & how they could improve. Her dream is to run a homegrown café after all!!

Crow { Goro Akechi }

✧ Akechi is either the most gentlemanly man anyone has ever been on a date with or he wants to unwind from a stressful day. Dates are few & far between with his particularly busy schedule, alongside the influence of his female fans bothering him particularly turns him off the idea most of the time.

✧ So, there are two solutions: Dates that are indoors so that no one knows where they are & incredibly extravagant dates that the media cannot gain access to.

✧ Indoor ones usually involve attending the Jazz Club in Kichijoji. It is a relaxing place with few people to bother his significant other, since there are few that know about the place. Throughout the entire occasion, he makes light conversation and is hesitant about accepting physical contact for fear of his reputation but eventually settles on taking his gloves off and interlocking hands with them.

✧ The other solution is usually reserved for special occasions. Although Akechi is wealthy due to his work as a detective, he is more deliberate with his purchases and understands the value of money. In these situations, he intentionally plays up his role as a detective prince & is even more suave than Akira. There is a lot of flirtation in a very polite manner, almost as if testing the waters.

✧ Although he genuinely enjoys these sessions, it is his job to play the role of a prince, even for his significant other. Akechi is practised at pretending.

Violet { Sumire Yoshizawa }

✧ Incredibly flustered at first, no matter what happens. Every step with her is filled with stuttering & a face the same colour as her hair but she’s willing to try her best!!

✧ Absolutely wants her significant other to come to her routines & competitions. If they are not there, she feels incomplete. It throws her game off which in turn creates more issues in the future.

✧{ At some point, her coach comes to speak to them and essentially demands they be at every session so Sumire can achieve her best. }

✧ Sumire also really likes different scenery. The aquarium in Shinagawa is a breathtaking sight from her perspective. No pressure to perform & the ability simply be herself allows for a much more natural date.

{ Yuuki Mishima }

✧ Mishima is much like Futaba in that he would prefer a date indoors. Although he is more confident after everything that happened with Kamoshida, he is still more shocked that he actually has a significant other.

✧ Most of his spare time when not doing schoolwork is spent on running the Phansite so when Mishima wants to spend time with them, he prefers low energy activities at home such as watching a movie with snacks or sitting & talking together.

✧ If he ever attempted to take them out somewhere, it would be adorable. There would be a lot of doting on them and ensuring that they’re having a good time & he needs this validation because of his self esteem issues. { Telling Mishima that the date was fun or that they enjoyed it will result in an adorable smile & red face }.

{ Hifumi Togo }

✧ Much like Yusuke, Hifumi enjoys dates with her significant other that are practical. If there’s a new book on some of the lastest Shogi techniques, she’ll take them to the bookstore in Jinbocho & make a date out of it.

✧ Although she sometimes struggles to articulate her feelings properly, it is often made up for with the purchase of a gift. Nothing expensive since she is still a high school student but instead something deeply personal that will mean a lot, such as a piece of jewellery or a particular book they are interested in.

✧ Also loves going to the church in Kanda for a practice game. Even if they are not very good at Shogi, she’ll teach them how to play and encourages them to develop their own style of play. After each game, she analyses all of the different moves used in that game & how they changed the game.

Word Count: 1.7k

Publish Date: 25.09.20

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[spookymumbler]

Hi, how are you ? I saw your post on museum curators. I'm about to start looking for interships in museums for summer 2021 (it'll be my first one), do you have any advice on what type of skills I should emphasize and what type of missions I could offer to do in my letter of application and eventually during an interview ? I want to work there but have no idea what I could realistically offer to do while I have no experience.

Hello there!

Thanks so much for taking the time to reach out. When I checked my Tumblr today I was so surprised that my post had resurfaced again. It was posted a whole of seven years ago!  A lot has happened in terms of my career. If you don’t mind me diverging, here is where I am today in terms of museums. 

Two years after writing that post I graduated with a BA in Anthropology and Sociology, all while interning at the same museum I mentioned. After graduation, I wanted to pursue a Master’s in Museum Studies but had an insatiable wanderlust. I knew that the only way I could manage traveling was to be employed while doing so, and decided to teach English as a means of funding my travels. Well, dear Anon, one gap year turned into two which eventually turned into four. I loved my time teaching and stayed in it so long because I found it fulfilling. I also got a chance to see museums I had only ever dreamed of: Art Science Museum of Singapore, War Remnants Museum in Vietnam, Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum, The British Museum, just to name a few. I never lost interest in museums and knew I needed to come back to the States and take those steps to make it happen. I’m currently in the process of finding a Master’s program that not only aligns with my interests but has funding. 

Back to you!

Gaining practical experience might be a bit difficult because of the pandemic. The museums in my vicinity have closed all volunteer opportunities until further notice. If this isn’t the case with you I would most definitely email your local Museum curator or director to see what you can do and how you can help. This can also lead to professional connections that can result in a letter of recommendation down the line. Some museums are doing community engagement virtually and participating in those opportunities can help you be more involved. 

The goal of an internship, volunteer opportunity, or any engagement is to hone in on your interest. You do a little bit of everything to get to the bottom of what you really enjoy and what you don’t. This can help you determine which direction to take, but don’t get too stressed if it doesn’t come to you right away. The beauty is in the process and expressing your willingness to learn everything and anything is very appealing in an interview process. 

You’d also be surprised at the marketable skills you gain from other jobs that are applicable to museum work: time- management, team work, communication to name a few.

Another way to discover your interests is to read. Here are some books I’ve come across: 

So You Want to Work in a Museum? by  Tara Young

Museums in Motion by  Edward P. Alexander

The Thing about Museums  by Sandra Dudley 

Making Museums Matter by Stephen E Weil

* Note: some of these textbooks and can be quite expensive. Definitely check your library or online discount book store for books on the subject.* 

So there it is. Volunteer, engage, read, and do a lot of self-searching. I hope this was helpful in any way and I apologize this was so longwinded. Godspeed to you and your museum journey!

[nofacenocaseblog]

𝗗𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 #3:  NARCOPISOS Inc. /Barcelona narcopisos, a necessary evil

The 3rd episode of Dope Stories is the most in-depth investigation of the series, so much that it took me nearly 3 years to gain the trust and respect of my contacts and more importantly, to get relevant insights about the local drug market and its players to show, under a different angle than mainstream media, what’s happening behind the closed doors of the Ciutat Veilla’s narrow streets.

Playground 1 - Raval, Barcelona / 2018 / iPhone 

“Drugs are ruining our neighborhood! “,  “Narcopisos are disrupting the real estate market!” ,  “ We don’t feel safe!”… 

Those are the slogans or headlines you see in the media or written on banners hanging from people’s balconies.  

“Narcopisos are filthy and dangerous!”

But are they though?

FOREWORD

Before getting started, I wanted to write a few words about Barcelona. After living more than a decade in New York, my wife and I moved to Catalan capital for about 4 years.  After reading this article you might think that I m not particularly fond of the town and its inhabitants.  I won’t lie, we didn’t receive the warmest welcome, especially from Catalans. This said, the town and its vibe are unique and galvanizing.  Very much like Marseille (my hometown), Barcelona is an harbor city with the port/marina right in the center, meaning: lots of traffics, smuggling, immigration, corruption, drugs etc… There is always “something going on”, if you catch my drift.  Shady, nasty, funny, ugly, beautiful, vulgar,  the cast of “pirate-like” characters gravitating around the city center is fascinating.

Occupied - Raval, Barcelona / 2017 / Nikon 3200

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been drawn toward the forbidden,  the danger, the illicit, the hidden, the bad...  To my eyes, “ugly” has always been more interesting than “beautiful”.  Barcelona is not a dangerous city but you need to keep your guard up: pick pockets roaming the subway,  gypsies asking for money on La Rambla (the city’s most touristic avenue) while releasing your back pocket from your wallet, junkies selling stolen goods or begging for change for their next fix #nextfixandchill , black people selling fake airmax on the Barcelonetta marina, drunken street fights in the early hours of the morning... Tragicomic scenes are unravelling before your eyes in an surreal backdrop: Gaudi’s most beautiful “psychedelic” buildings (Sagrafa Familia, casa pedrera, Palau Guell...) in a jungle of gothic buildings ending on a fisherman village overseeing a beautiful beachfront promenade ending with the native “star’chitect” Bofill’s famous W... 

Poolside - Barcelonetta, Barcelona / 2018 / iPhone

Ok, enough with the touristic tour, time to get real!

Stairway to Hell - Raval, Barcelona / 2017 / iPhone

Embark on a descend to the heroin inferno that became Raval.  From the fields of Afghanistan to the bloodstreams of Spain...

La Ruta [Spanish for “the route”]

19,414 Pakistanis live in Barcelona, 6,600 of them are established in the neighborhood: El Raval (1) meaning more than 30% of the total community.  El Raval has always been my favorite barrio in town.  With 47% of immigrants (2) , the mosaic of faces, cultures and shops you encounter is dazzling .  Going back to the Pakistani population, I used the word “established” for a specific reason: they actually own many of the businesses in Raval: barbershop, cheap bars and restaurants, wholesale shops, import/export businesses, money transfer services (Western Union, Moneygram), food and grocery shops... I’m not accusing here the Pakistani business owners of backing the drug traffic but they basically created a web of small businesses in a tight net community with their own language, making it hard for the authorities to see through this social fabric potentially sheltering illegal activities. 

Why the Pakistani population is subject to speculation and doubt from the local authorities?  The answer is simple: Afghanistan.  Afghanistan  is by far the biggest producer of opium in the world. According to the US military, 90% of the world's heroin is made from opium grown in Afghanistan. It makes up 95% of the market in Europe (3).  The country has been the leader in opium poppy production since 2001.  Based on the 2014 report from the UNODC (United Nation Office on Drugs and Crime), Afghanistan not only grow opium but also process heroin in several laboratory as well as morphine (easier to produce from raw opium by adding calcium oxide and ammonium chloride).  From Afghanistan, several routes are used to smuggle their prime commodities: the Balkan route has been the primary route but things are changing and the Southern route has become more and more used.  Afghanistan share 2,400km of border with Pakistan and over 50% of illicit afghan opiates are trafficked through Pakistan which enjoys a a strategic location making it a perfect dispatch zone with readily accessible by land, sea (Gwadar and Karachi seaport) and air ways .  

The same UNODC report also indicates that the majority (37%) of the heroin seized in Pakistan was en-route for Europe..

*** Read and/or download the full report here ***

By the way, let’s not forget that Barcelona is also one of the Camorra’s stronghold.  And with Russians and Albanian mafias also present on the territory, Spain -where no powerful local crime syndicate operates and laws on prostitution and gambling are “blurred” to say the least-  has become one of organize crime’s favorite playgrounds for money laundering, drug smuggling, human trafficking, gambling and prostitution... Nothing really happens here without their “green light”, but that’s another story (5)

Back to our Southern route, once the product reaches Barcelona, it becomes very hard to pin point. Narcotics coming through the Balkan route also ends up in Barcelona but in different “retailers”’ hands:  Romanian family-based clans, based mostly in Besos (a run-down project in the heart of Poblenou) and  occupying one single narcopisos in Raval (they have moved 3 times over the 4-year period of my “investigation”) but known to have the purest and most processed Caballo sold in town. 

El Caballo [Spanish for “the horse”, street name of heroin ]

[WARNING]  Most of the photographs of this post are uncensored, quite graphic and… of poor quality…. my bad, I took them.  But I had circumstances: hidden cellphone, no flash, illegal activities going on, indoor, with very little to no light…  Shots are not the best (no pun intended) but you’ll step right into the infamous narcopisos you’ve heard of or read about. And not once they’ve been searched and trashed by the police like you’ve seen in the press but while they are in full operation. Raw, those images might be quite shocking to some of the readers, but take the emotion out of he equation and you’ll come to realized that, for lack a better choice, narcopisos are a necessary evil.   My intention here is not to start a polemic nor come out as a provocateur but to shed light on a real issue, still happening, involving real people, slowly dying, failed by a syste unable -or unwilling- to help them.

Gears - Raval, Barcelona / 2017 / iPhone

El Raval

1989,  US superstar Keith Harring is in Barcelona for his exhibition on La Rambla.  After speaking with an old friend of him from New York living here for awhile, he decided to paint a mural, his way to to show his love for and connection with the town. The next day, Harring chose the wall in Plaça de Salvador Segui in Raval.  He was warned that the area was one of the most dangerous areas in town. Back then, in the 80’s the Spanish government had the genius idea to decriminalize the use, but not the supply, of hard drugs and did not implement any proper treatments to sustain this measure...  Spaniards have ignored the issue and it sparked a heroin addiction epidemic that saw HIV rates soar (2a).The artist was attracted to the neighborhood and decided it would offer the perfect canvas for his message about the dangers of drugs and AIDS. At first it was supposed to be a temporary mural but in the end, up to this day, you can still enjoy Harring’s mural behind the MACBA museum. Below is a photograph I took of what became now hot-spot for skateboarder and cool bars

Tricks - Raval, Barcelona / 2016 / Nikon 3200

Beside its bad reputation, Raval has always been a magnet for artists and “cool kids”, misfits and outcasts but more recently the new kid on the block is named gentrification… in other word: Fun is over.   Well… not quite yet.  In Barcelona, everything moves slowly, gentrification included. The result is a mix of fancy hotels, art galleries, designer boutiques... mixed with prostitutes and their lovely clientele, dealers, junkies, businessmen, families of tourists wandering the streets… a fascinating mix of characters with theatrical scenes playing before your eyes: hustlers trying to rip off tourists, white collars finding themselves buying bad cocaine from a kid in a narrow, sketchy alley… the show is in the street, but not only. 

The Narrows - Raval, Barcelona / 2016 / Nikon 3200

What businesses, in Barcelona, are open 24/7, have no vacancy, a steady stream of customers and a product that sells itself? The answer: Narcopisos Inc.

The phenomenon of the Narcopisos emerged in 2016 (a year after I moved to Barcelona) following Spain’s property crash.  Foreclosed or unsold apartments, owned by banks and investment funds were left emptied, abandoned, in a country in full housing crisis...  It wasn’t long before the vacant spaces started being squatted: some by respectable families, in need of a place to live, some by drug dealers using them as selling point and shooting gallery.  A place where you can get a cheap fix in a relatively clean room.

Ritual - Raval, Barcelona / 2017 / iPhone

Helped - Raval, Barcelona / 2017 / iPhone

Thanks to my various contacts, I had access to different types of narcopisos, but from crack to dope houses, most of them were operating the same way: - a cctv video surveillance in place at the street level or someone looking out for the cops. - a room with junkies to confuse police upon arrival and make it look like they are actually squatting the place - 1 to 3 dealers serving customers one a the time. - An exit back door (if available) in case the police knocks on the front door. - One or two rooms for users. - Hourly cleaning of the premises to make the place look “decent” and “squatted” in case of a bust - Little quantity of drugs at the time, no more than 10 grams of each. - Open 24/7 - Re-up every hour or so - Single use paraphernalia available to the users - In some cases, Narcan at hand (medicine used to reverse the effect of an OD).

Cleaning Session - Career d’en Road 22, Raval, Barcelona / 2016 / iPhone

My connections in the Pakistani community took time to build but  strengthen throughout the years to reached a level of trust where we came to split the bread at several occasions… no seriously, we actually got invited in their Halal “canteen” in Raval where only Pakistanis could enjoy their local cuisine, a unique experience… They also gave me access to two of their stash houses: located in legit apartments, in proper buildings, on the outskirt of Raval, close to Sant-Antoni, less prone to police check.  No users there, only wholesalers, dispatching heroin to “representatives” of each narcopisos at below retail-price: between 20 and 40 euros the gram depending on the quantity purchased. 

Going back to the narcopisos, some were run by junkies (where the product was often cut from the bash they were getting from the stash houses), some by pakistani or afghan immigrants, with decent quality product, some by Catalan families, living there for decades under stabilized rent and with their own connection and product of fluctuant quality.  Last but not least, one narcopiso was occupied by the Romanian clan mentioned earlier.  Below are some photos of one of their spot at 22 Carrer d’en Roig, later busted and walled by the Mossos d’esquadra (Catalan police)

Romanian at work - Career d’en Road 22, Raval, Barcelona / 2016 / iPhone

Boss - Career d’en Road 22, Raval, Barcelona / 2016 / iPhone

If narcopisos was selling both crack and heroin, two rooms were at the disposal of users, one for smoking their bottles or pipes and the other room to shoot up or smoke heroin on tiny pieces of foil.

Sterile hospital-like garbage disposal were available for discarding the used paraphernalia.

Bloodstream Hunt - Raval, Barcelona / 2017 / iPhone

#NextFixandChill - Raval, Barcelona / 2017 / iPhone

Everything is provided to avoid the spread of disease and the use of the drug in plain sight in the street therefore reduce public disorder.

Not that dealers became humanitarian all of a sudden, but kicking customers with their (illegal) purchase out in the street expose them to being ratted on or worst, having an overdose in plain sight attracting the police and paramedics... either way, it’s not good for business so narcopisos’ “managers” rather keep their clientele indoor until they’re done using and good to do.

Now, there is another type of business in Barcelona dealing with drug users and addiction: it’s called Centre de Dispensació de Metadona - Centre d'Atenció Primària Casc Antic (the methadone clinic in short....). 

* They’re not open 24/7 but rather in the morning only * It can take up to 2 weeks to see a doctor in order to enroll in a Methadone Maintenance Treatment -MMT (true story...when a single day can be the last one for a heroin addict living in the street) * Last but not least, since the doctors and nurses’ work schedule is way more important tthan their patients’ care, some centers give up 3 to 4 days worth of supply of methadone at once to heroin users so the health workers can have their days and weekends off. The result of this amazing system: the methadone is sold in the street by users so they can buy their heroin and/or in certain case, the methadone is saved up (for rainy days) and the patient keeps using heroin instead.  Yes, the patient: let’s not forget that those “filthy junkies” actually are patients (even if they’re hardly seen as such in those centers),  suffering from a disease called addiction, or substance abuse disorder if you prefer the american way of calling it, and in need of medical care but what can I say... old habits die hard (both way...). 

Patients taking methadone to treat opioid dependance must receive the medication under the supervision of a practitioner. After a period of stability (based on progress and proven, consistent compliance with the medication dosage) and only then, patients may be allowed to take methadone at home between program visits... but not in Barcelona.

Methadone substitution as a treatment of opioid addiction does not function as much to curb addiction as to redirect it and maintain dependency on legal channels. Methadone has been designed that way, as a lifetime treatment whereas alternative palliatives such as Buprenorphine are not even considered by doctors when those therapies would be more efficient in certain cases: with users who do not shoot the drug for example, or with users wishing to quiet and get sober... but let's be honest here, sobriety has never been the objective of those methadone programs.  The real goal of this public service is not to cure addiction, but to make sure junkies don’t use, steal, rob and/or commit act of violence in the streets to feed their habits

The patient here is not the users but the society.   Those centers aren’t trying to help the user quit his habit, but to make sure the society doesn’t suffer from it.  Good or bad, Narcopisos are curbing down the spread of diseases, cleaning up the streets from users as they offering temporary shelter to their customers and operate around the clock..  It seems to me that their function is almost... complementary if not necessary.

So before eradicating narcopisos from the face of Raval, let’s pause and look at the alternative: junkies buying and using drugs in the streets of the city center, in the worst sanitary condition possible with no regard for the residents around.

Mañana

So what’s next? Keeping those illegal activities going on? Certainly not.

But before jumping the gun and closing it all at once, better get ready for the alternative because drug addiction will not disappear with the narcopisos. In my last article, I speak about users stigmatization and how society still struggles to see addiction as a disease and not a will power issue, turning the blind eye to a sheer amount of studies and discoveries explaining how heroin addiction, over time, modify the pathway of your brain frontal lobe and affect your decisional power, making it hard -to not say impossible- to say “no”. 

Don’t take me wrong.  It would be naïve to think all users roaming the streets are here trying to quit and become their better self. Most of them have no intention to do so. I’m not here to judge nor take side.  But in order to find a solution to the narcopiso situation, I would like to introduce Barcelona to his neighbor: Portugal.

Portugal had one of the worst heroin epidemic in Europe back in the 90′s and after the failed many “US war on drug”-type of approaches. They finally shift approach and started treated drug addicts as patients who needed help, not as criminals” says Goulao, the architect of Portugal drug policy.  After the decriminalization and treatments, they planned to open “supervised drug consumption facilities” Naina Bajekal says in her 2018 article in the Time “where drug users can consume drugs in safer conditions with the assistance of trained staff. Such facilities have been running in Europe since 1986, when the first was opened in Berne, Switzerland.”(5)

The result? Evidence (6) shows these these type of sites save lives, reduce public disorder, and curb the spread of diseases.

Does that sound familiar? Yes, that's right, the first of the two businesses we spoke about: Narcopisos Inc.

Purgatory - Carrer d’en Roig 22, Raval, Barcelona / 2017 / iPhone

For No Face No Case: Dope Stories chapter 4, we’re going to Italy.  Don’t worry, it won’t be another mafia-related article explaining how the N’Drangheta and Camorra became the most powerful crime syndicates in the world, you can watch that on TV.  Called “Il Racconto dei Racconti”  (Tales of Tales in english), the article will keep it real, street style: short stories from North to South: Torino, Milano, Genoa, Roma, Napoli... Stay tuned for some dope stories on how drugs are sold, used and abused in the Renaissance country 

References (1) https://www.barcelona-metropolitan.com/featuresx/report-barcelona-pakistani-community/ (2) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/El_Raval (3) https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-47861444 (4)https://english.elpais.com/elpais/2018/12/07/inenglish/1544171107_204329.html (5) https://time.com/longform/portugal-drug-use-decriminalization/ (6) https://www.cbc.ca/news2/interactives/portugal-heroin-decriminalization/

[marjansmarwani]

Tagged by the lovely and talented @letitialewiss thank you for thinking of me Kim! 💕

rules: when you get tagged, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know! they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. when you’re done and if you want to, tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

I am fairly bad at talking about myself and am likely going to ramble, but here it goes I guess: 

1. I really like to cook. I always have but quarantine really pushed me further into it. When I had to move back in with my parents it was a saving grace because it gave me something to do/a time when people could leave me alone. Now that I’m back in my own place it’s just been nice. I just really love the process and the ritual of it all.

2. Over the past 2 or so years I’ve gotten into herbalism (but only for minor things - take your antibiotics, listen to your doctors and get vaccinated folks) and started making some tea blends. Then I started burning certain herbs for things and then I started reading tarot. Basically what I’m saying is I have been slowly becoming a witch so that’s cool I guess. 

3. I occasionally dabble in graphic design and it’s cool, but what I much more interested in is letterpress printing. Like, moveable type and printing presses. It’s so cool. I was lucky enough to go to a college with a program and I was able to take some classes. I am also lucky enough that my city has a Book Arts Center and when the year started I was planning on paying for a membership and taking the classes so I could use the presses and maybe produce some of my own stuff again...but then covid. Maybe after I will finally get to! I’ve been kind of lurking at all their gallery openings for the past 4 years so it’ll be cool to actually get to work there. 

4. Related, I love art. Like, a lot. My walls are almost covered in art from local artists and estate sales I’ve worked and my goal is pretty much just to cover every inch of my home in art. I’m like, 60% there.

5. I just got back into writing after years of not doing that and it has been an actual saving grace. The early part of the pandemic was very much not kind to me or my family and I needed something to focus on the nights I wasn’t sleeping and thankfully this show and this fandom showed up. I could not be more grateful. I really think that writing everything I have has helped me so much. I think it helped me to stay at least somewhat sane and mentally healthy throughout the worst of it (and even now). I was going to make some sort of joke here but honestly, writing and this fandom have been so incredibly valuable to me and I think I’ve hinted at it before but I really do want you all to know that. 

tagging people I think haven’t been tagged: @officerrxyes @sunsetcxrve @prodigalleverage @reyesstrand @bellakitse @charlie-bradburyss @sneetchestoo

[iandeleonwrites]

Ian’s Case: A Personal Statement for Grad School Admission

Personal Statement, Ian Deleón

“He felt something strike his chest, and that his body was being thrown swiftly through the air, on and on, immeasurably far and fast, while his limbs were gently relaxed.”

It was more than a decade ago when I first read those words. Written by the American author Willa Cather, Paul’s Case: A Study in Temperament has always felt to me like an intimate account of my own life penned by a woman one hundred years in the past. 

That is a feeling which makes me proud; that my personal whims, fears, and desires, could find their echo long ago in a story about a young man and his pursuit of a meaningful life. Because of it, I felt a pleasing sense of historicity at a time when I was struggling so much with my own. 

I grew up in Miami Beach. Literally not more than a block away from water for most of my life. My father had emigrated from Cuba with his family in 1980. My mother had come on a work visa from Brazil a few years later. They met on the beach, had an affair, and I came into the world in May of 1987. 

My life was marked with in betweenness from the very beginning. My parents’ relationship did not last long, so I grew up traveling between houses. I had two families. I was American, but I was also Cuban and Brazilian. I even have a Brazilian passport. I spoke three languages fluently, but I couldn’t dance salsa or samba. I felt at home with the working class immigrants and people of color in my neighborhoods, but I often had to work hard to prove I wasn’t just some gringo with a knack for foreign tongues.  

[A quick note on Paul’s Case––If it happens that the reader is not familiar with the short story, let me briefly summarize it here:  A disenchanted youth in turn of the century Pittsburgh feels increasingly alienated from his schoolmates, his teachers and his family. His only comfort is his position as an usher at Carnegie Hall, where he loses himself in the glamour of the art life. Having no drive or desire to become an artist, however, the dandy Paul makes a spur of the moment criminal decision and elopes to New York City. There, he is able to live out his fantasies in a financial masquerade for about a week’s time, until the authorities back home finger him for monetary theft. Learning that his father is en route to the city to collect him, Paul travels to the countryside and flings himself in front of a speeding train, musing about the elegant brevity of winter flowers.]

When I first encountered Cather’s short story I was blown away by the parallels I saw between my own life and Paul’s. In 2005, fresh out of high school, I was living mostly with my father as my mother had relocated to faraway West Palm Beach. I was an usher at the local concert hall, a job I cherished enough to volunteer my time for free. I became entranced by the world of classical music, opera, theater, and spectacle––often showing up for work early and roaming the performance spaces, probing high and low like some kind of millenial phantom. 

In school, however, I had no direction, no plan. I had good enough grades, but no real motivation, and worst of all, I thought, no discernible talent. I probably resented my father for not being cultured enough to teach me about music, theater, and the arts. No one in my family had ever even been to a museum, or sat before a chamber orchestra. And it didn’t seem to matter to them either, they could somehow live blissfully without it. 

Well I couldn’t. I began to mimic the fervor with which Paul immersed himself in that world, while also exhibiting the same panic at the thought of not being able to sustain my treasured experiences without a marketable contribution to them. But here is where Paul and I take divergent paths. 

I was attending the Miami Dade Honors College, breezing my way towards an associate’s degree. I took classes in Oceanography, Sociology, Creative Writing, Acting and African Drumming. I was experimenting and falling in love with everything. 

But it was my Creative Writing professor, Michael Hettich, who really encouraged the development of my nascent writing talent. Up until that point my ideas only found their expression through class assignments, particularly book reports and essays on historical events. My sister had always felt I had a way with words, but I just attributed this to growing up in a multicultural environment amongst a diversity of native languages.  

As a result of that encouragement I began to write poetry, little songs and treatments for film ideas based on the short stories we were talking about in class. Somehow, thanks to those lines of poetry and a few amateur photographic self portraits, I was admitted to the Massachusetts College of Art & Design for my BFA program. 

There, I attended classes in Printmaking, Paper Making, Performance Art, Video Editing, and Glass Blowing. I was immersed in culture, attending lectures and workshops, adding new words to my vocabulary: “New Media” and “gestalt”. I saw my first snowfall. I had the dubious honor of appearing at once not Hispanic and yet different enough. I was overwhelmed. I felt increasingly disenchanted and out of place in New England, yet my work flourished and grew stronger. 

It was during this time that I developed a passion for live performance and engagement with an audience. I also worked with multi-channel video and sculptural installations. Always, I commented on my family history, grappling with it, the emigrations and immigrations. I even returned to those early short stories from Miami Dade, one time doing an interpretive movement piece based on The Yellow Wallpaper. Most often I talked about my father. He was even in a few of my projects. He was a good sport, though we still had the occasional heated political disagreement. We never held any grudges, and made up again rather quickly. It would always be that way, intense periods of warming and cooling. A tropical temperament, I suppose. 

I continued to take film-related classes in Boston, but my interests gradually became highly abstracted, subtle, and decidedly avant-garde. I had no desire to work in a coherently narrative medium. This would eventually change, but for now, I let my ambitions and aspirations take me where they would. 

I returned home to Miami for a spell after graduation. I traveled the world for five months after that. I moved back to Boston for another couple of years, because it was comfortable I suppose, though I was fed up with the weather. 

Finally, I wound up in NYC. Classic story: I followed a charming young woman, another performance artist as luck would have it, a writer too, and a bit of an outsider. We were quickly engaged and on the first anniversary of our meet cute we were married on a gorgeous piece of land in upstate new york, owned by an older performance-loving couple from the city. Piece of land doesn’t quite do it justice, we’re talking massive tracts, hidden acres of forest, sudden lakes, fertile fields, and precocious wildlife. As they say in the movies, it really is all about location, location, location. 

Nearly all of our significant personal and professional achievements in the subsequent years have centered around this bucolic homestead. After meeting, courting, researching and eventually getting married there, we soon decided we would stage our most ambitious project to date in this magical space––we would shoot...a movie.

We hit upon the curious story of an eighteenth century woman in England called Mary Toft. Dear Mary became famous for a months-long ruse that involved her supposed birthing of rabbits, and sometimes cats. The small town hoax ballooned into a national controversy when it was eventually exposed by some of the king’s physicians. My wife and I were completely enthralled by this story and its contemporary implications. Was Mary wholly complicit in the mischievous acts, or was she herself a sort of duped victim...of systematic abuse at the hands of her family, her husband, her country? 

We soon found a way to adapt and give this tale a modern twist that recast Mary as a woman of color alone in the woods navigating a host of creepy men, a miscarriage, and a supernatural rabbit. 

Over the course of nine months, our idea gestated and began taking the form of a short film screenplay. This was something neither of us had done or been adequately trained to do before. But we knew we wanted it to be special, it was our passion project. We knew we didn’t want it to look amateurish––we were too old for that. So we took out a loan, hired an amazing camera crew, and in three consecutive days in the summer of 2017 we filmed our story, Velvet Cry. It was the most difficult thing either of us had undertaken...including planning our nuptial ceremony around our difficult families. 

It was an incredible experience––intoxicating––also quite maddening and stressful. But it was all worth it. Because of our work schedules, it took us another year to finish post production on the film, but throughout that process, I knew I had found my calling. I would be a writer, and I would be a Director. 

Perhaps I had been too afraid to dream the big dream before. Perhaps I had lacked the confidence, or simply, the life experience to tackle the complexity of human emotions, narratives, and interactions––but no longer. This is what I wanted to do and I had to find a way to get better at doing it. 

In the intervening months, I have set myself on a course to develop my writing abilities as quickly as I could in anticipation of this application process. I know I have some latent talent, but it has been a long time since I’ve been in an academic setting, and in any case, I have never really attempted to craft drama on this scale before. 

I’ve read many books, listened to countless interviews, attended online classes, and most importantly, written my heart out since relocating down the coast to the small college town of Gainesville in Central Florida with my wife in June of 2018. It was through a trip to her alma mater of Hollins University that we learned about the co-ed graduate program in screenwriting a few months ago. After all the debt I accrued in New England, I didn’t think I would ever go back to college, though I greatly enjoyed the experience. But what we learned about the program filled me with confidence and a desire to share in the wonderful legacy of this school that my wife is always gushing about. 

Our Skype conversation with Tim Albaugh proved to be the deciding factor. I knew instantly that I wanted to be a part of anything that he was involved with, and I had the feeling that my ideas would truly be nurtured and harnessed into a craft––something tangible I could be proud of and use to propel my career. 

I continue to mine my childhood and adolescence in Miami for critical stories and characters, situations that shed light on my own personal experience of life. I’ve found myself coming back to Paul’s Case. No longer caught up in the character’s stagnant, brooding longings for a grander life, I’m now able to revisit the story, appreciating the young man’s anxieties while evaluating how it all went so fatally wrong for Paul. There was no reason to despair, no cause for lost hope. I would take the necessary steps to become the artist I already know myself to be. The screenplay I am submitting as my writing sample is a new adaptation of this story, making Paul my own, and giving him a little bit of that South Florida flavor. 

I will close by reiterating how I have visited Hollins, and heard many a positive review from the powerful women I know who have attended college there. As a graduate student, I know Hollins can help me to become a screenwriter, to become a filmmaker. This is the only graduate program to which I am applying––I have a very good feeling about all this.

I want to be a Hollins girl. 

[skeptiquewrites]

Beauty

For reader G, who asked how Draco got all of his art in his Muggle flat in Iustitia & Prudentia. It’s fairly standalone so you don’t have to read I&P but I think it is lovely and complementary. 

☆☆☆ The first time Draco took his rubbish to the bin in the back of the building, he had noticed there was a careful pile of things left outside, free to take. He had never seen such a thing in Wiltshire and in any case, it’s not like the family would have stopped on the roadside to look on a carriage ride. Malfoys picked up their second hand crap in expensive stores in Knockturn Alley by appointment as was proper. And yet, here it was. A nightstand that looked to be made out of particle board and a wish, an absolutely filthy mattress, a muggle device he was sure was called a whirler that had metal teeth, several glass jars, a tatty grey lampshade without its lamp, a children’s painting on canvas and a single book. The book looked clean enough, so once he had thrown in his refuse, he wiped his hands on a patch of grass and reached for it. Agatha Christie. He knew that one! They were mysteries and very popular with middle-aged people who came into the store. He liked the idea of having something on his walls, but the painting was sinister. He took the book. In the beginning, Draco listened to Eustace intently. He would ask questions about people’s likes and dislikes, then sometimes whether they liked a particular genre and then would pop out with a book like Ollivander. People didn’t always love the book, but they found it interesting or challenging. Sometimes they would come back to talk to Eustace about it. “Do you do the thing he does?” A customer asked. She was around his age, but he thought he could detect an accent. She had come in on a slow afternoon, after Eustace had gone to pick up his grandchildren from...something. Draco hadn’t been listening then. There was only so much his brain could process. “You mean, recommend books? I can try,” Draco said. “What are you looking for?” “Poetry. But modern, you know,” she said. He was suddenly sure she spoke French, but he was probably too rusty to communicate well. He wasn’t sure he really liked poetry, but some had stuck out to him. “Have you ever read Auden?” Draco asked. She said no and followed him to the poetry section. “Looks like we have one copy.” He handed it to her, and she flicked through. She also accepted the Langston Hughes book.   She came back at the same time of day about a month later with two friends.“I liked your recommendations,” she told him. “What about fiction?” Draco loaded her up with three books and each of her friends with three books after asking a few questions. It wasn’t an exact science, and he was now familiar with books even if he hadn’t had the time to read them all. “It’s getting to be quite busy here,” Eustace remarked. “Maybe you were right about the shelves.” Draco was getting out of the habit of gloating. He didn’t have time for it anyway, and Eustace hired Chike to help on weekdays. “How do you do?” Draco said, shaking her hand. “Posh cult you were in?” Chike said. She laughed a little at his expression. Eustace didn’t really ask for details. Chike was one of those people who just was endlessly curious. Draco had to work daily to remember what he actually couldn’t say around her, which was more than he was used to. “You’re an artist,” Draco said abruptly one slow afternoon. Chike would sketch things all the time on napkins, the back of receipts, and on the signs for the store. A little cartoon girl waved from the children’s section. “Yeah, kind of,” Chike said. “Not kind of. You are an artist,” Draco said insistently. The evidence was all around them. Why was she being stubborn about it? Draco couldn’t do much beyond a botanical sketch and nothing he’d ever drawn looked as alive as the abstract patterns she’d drawn on the back of her own forearm in sharpie. “Tell that to my mum.” She snorted. “Can I pay you for something?” Draco said. “My place has nothing on the walls.” Chike gave him a long, considering look. “Absolutely the fuck not. But we can go to Spitalfields on Saturday.” True to her word, Chike showed up in front of his flat at ten am sharp. “You don’t even own a hoodie, do you?” Chike said by way of greeting. They made their way south into Central London. It was even busier than the places he had been in his neighbourhood and Draco found his attention darting all over the place. The Market wasn’t much better but by then, Draco had learned to focus more. “I like this,” Chike said, looking at a sculpture of a woman lying down and weeping that could have fit in her palm. It was so exquisitely detailed. Draco checked the price and frowned. He couldn’t buy it for her. He wasn’t yet used to that feeling. He hoped it wasn’t all like that. “What else do you like?” Draco asked. Chike pointed things out. It turned out she liked everything from abstract paintings to mixed media modern sculptures (“That is not fucking art,” Draco whispered furiously. “It makes me angry to look at.”  “Good! That reaction means it’s art!” said Chike.) They left with three prints for Draco’s walls. Draco took her to his local, because it was the only place he ever ate out. “The Prince has arrived!” One bartender shouted as he came through the door. Draco blushed. “Will you fuck off?” He said, in his crispest accent. They smiled, and he smiled back. When they finished their meals, Draco carefully counted out at least double the cost of the bill. “Are you serious?” Chike said. “You know that’s twice what it cost.” Draco got up and left the pub and she followed. “When I was a child, my father never tipped at restaurants. He said that if people — ” Draco cleared his throat. “If people wanted more money, they should make better choices.” “Ah,” Chike said. “Fucking Tories.” “Tories,” Draco agreed. Draco decided to try to use the National Art Pass that had come in his welcome package. It took a month to get up the courage to brave transit again, but he made his way down to the Tate and he walked around. It wasn’t any different from Wizarding Museums except most things didn’t move but he...liked it. He took his time, spending the entire day wandering in and out of exhibitions. Draco even thought a few things might be Wizarding. Draco bought five postcards to show Gabriel. Gabe had smiled and cast an engorgement charm with his wand until they were big enough to put up on the walls. “I was just checking if the magic monitoring still worked,” Gabe said. But he left them gallery-sized. Draco put them up alongside the prints he had bought with Chike. He even moved his favourite to his bedroom. Draco still went to other museums in search of more art, but now he was conscious of the fact his walls weren’t bare. He looked at graffiti murals and small galleries and even tried one drawing class at the community centre. It was at a small community exhibition Draco found himself staring at a photograph of a man cradling a ball of bright white light in his arms. The artist had probably made it with some muggle trickery. It reminded him of...well, he wasn’t sure, but he stared at it. “The queer art exhibit is quite something, isn’t it?” A museum worker said. Their pin said Holly (they/them!) with a little rainbow beside it. “The artists are from all over the world. Make sure you pop into the room on the end.” Draco did. Someone had created a whole garden there, lush and green indoors. Instead of carved hippogriffs and nymphs like the Manor, the sculptures were all lovers. He stopped in front of two men entangled in a passionate embrace. Draco almost couldn’t believe it was marble, he could see the indents of the first lovers grip on the second’s hip. He was so overwhelmed with emotion he almost turned around and walked straight out of the building but he forced himself to take in every expression, every statue. He had learned he couldn’t buy things like that. Muggle museums evidently did not work like the ones in the Wizarding World where anything could be bought for a high enough price. And his Galleons to pounds conversion skills were strong enough that he knew he was of significantly reduced means. But Draco wanted, wanted so badly to have some piece of them. He went to the gift shop and bought two big coffee tables from artists in the exhibit, even though it would wipe out his takeaway coffee fund for a month and he definitely would not be getting any ready-made meals either. His flat started to feel like a home, though.

[etudier-avec-bella]

My First Term at University

Hello! If you’ve been following me for a while, you may have noticed that this blog has been pretty dead for the past few months. Like, literally no new posts have gone up from me since results day. Yikes. Where have I been, and what’s been going on? That’s what I’m here to clear up. Because I have a lot to talk about.

I am going to be touching on three main topics: Life at York, my course and how I’ve been studying, and- finally- my mental wellbeing.

So, grab a hot drink, get cosy, and prepare for what is possibly the longest piece of writing I’ve ever produced in my life. Seriously. It’s huge.

**Disclaimer: In no way is this post supposed to reflect the ‘real’ life of the average student at York, nor am I making any comment on the quality of education or student life at York. I am aware that I’m extremely lucky to be a student on one of the best Chemistry courses in the country, and this post is simply detailing how I found the transition from living at home to living independently as a university student. York- I love you. Even if you weren’t my first choice, I am so glad I ended up here. I’ve met some wonderful people and learned so many incredible things just in this first term alone. Please don’t take this post as me hating on York or something, because I really, really don’t lmao**

Life in York

Let’s kick things off by talking about what it’s like to live in York!

Contrary to what I initially assumed about moving to a university in the middle of the countryside (i.e. that there would be nothing to do), York is a beautiful city, and I’m so excited to get better acquainted with it over the next three years.

The high streets here are jam-packed full of hidden gems- I seriously think that you could go to a different coffee shop every day for a year, there are so many of them dotted around. I’ve loved being able to wander around and see where my feet take me, and there’s always somewhere new to discover; bookshops, cafés, museums, the castle walls, art exhibits, concerts… Oh, my!

Some of my favourite places that I’ve discovered so far are:

●      Drift-In- my favourite little coffee shop! It’s never too busy if you go before midday, making it the ideal place to crack out some work in a more relaxed studying environment. They also offer a 10% student discount, and have a wall of polaroids of the dogs who have visited the café. Incredible.

●      Lucky Days- the perfect place to take your friends for lunch! They also do really good cakes if you ever feel like treating yourself after submitting an assignment.

●      The Little Apple Bookshop- There are lots of cute little indie bookshops on the road leading to the art gallery, but I think that this one is my personal favourite. Stock changes frequently, so it’s worth popping in every once in a while, and they have classic novels at much lower prices than the likes of Waterstones (for all of you English Lit students out there!)

As for the University Campus, it’s similarly wonderful. The River runs right through Campus West, making itself home to lots of ducks, geese, and other waterfowl. We also have wild bunnies outside the Biology greenhouses, and I always see them hopping around in the dark when I walk home from my French classes. Campus West isn’t too big- you can walk from one side to the other in about 15 minutes- so the student community is super tight-knit. I have friends from loads of different colleges who I’ve met through mixers, societies, and my classes, and it’s really easy for us to link up and do stuff together because we’re all so near to each other.

There are also some pretty cool places on campus, if you don’t feel like leaving to go to the city centre- the Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall are always putting on lunchtime concerts with cheap tickets for students, which is a nice way to wind down after working all day AND show support for the music students, and there’s also a student-ran supermarket in Wentworth College called Scoop, where you can bring your own containers and buy spices/grains/pasta in bulk for much cheaper than you can in other similar supermarkets. Scoop also sell boxes of locally-sourced produce, making it easy to support small businesses on a budget!

Honestly, there are still lots of places on campus that I’m yet to visit. Whenever I get fed up of working, I like to go for a little 30-minute walk to the other side of the university grounds and see what I can find (there’s a really lovely garden behind Derwent College, it has a big stately manor house and lots of fancy greenery). It’s a nice way to get some fresh air and change up the scenery when I get stir-crazy from being in my room for so long.

My Course/Studying

As many, many people have told me in the past- university-level Chemistry is hard. And you know what? They were right. However, I like a challenge as much as the next overachiever, and as a self-confessed science nerd I’ve got to say… My course is a dream.

I know I’m only one term into my first year, but the way I look at basically everything around me has already changed so much. The fundamental knowledge you gain just from first module covers all of the main bases, and I’ve found that the way I think about and approach scientific problems is already very different to the way I would have looked at them during my A-Levels. You’re encouraged to think a lot more openly, and apply relatively basic concepts to solve really tricky problems instead of just learning the answers to a syllabus- it’s a great chance to utilise your all of your skills.

In terms of how I’ve been studying, not a lot has changed. My exams don’t carry any real credit this year, but I’m still aiming to achieve high grades. Over the Christmas break, I’ve been focusing a lot more on resting rather than working- so I whilst I haven’t done a LOT, the revision I’ve done has been productive. I still use flashcards and Quizlet, but I’ve recently introduced summary posters onto the scene as well, which has been working well for me. I’ll make a post on how I make these in the near future!

Overall, the first term has been pretty good academically. I feel stretched and challenged, and things are at a manageable level of difficulty. Which brings me onto something that has not been at a manageable level of difficulty this term…

My Wellbeing

Mental health. Something of a taboo topic within the study community. It’s something we all will deal with, and something most of us will struggle with to some degree at times. So, why don’t we talk about it more?

I won’t go into super deep, personal detail in this next section. Mostly because there are some things I’m not comfortable with sharing on the internet. However, I do think it’s important for me to use my small platform of followers to talk about my own experiences and attempt to tackle the stigma about being a student and struggling with mental health, so I am going to be as honest as I can about what’s been going on.

Before coming to university, I was already having a difficult time with my mental health, and had been for a few years. This summer was a particularly bad one for me. A-Levels left me completely exhausted, results day was a bit of a sticky one, and thinking about life as I knew it coming to an end was terrifying. I knew that, once I moved to uni, I was going to feel even sadder, lonelier, and more out-of-place than I already did. And I had no idea how to deal with it.

I believe that one of the biggest contributing factors to my sudden and sharp decline in mental wellness after arriving in York was the fact that, even two months later, I still hadn’t gotten over my Durham rejection. Ignoring my initial disappointment was a bad idea, though I didn’t know it at the time.

As someone who has been a high achiever their entire life, rejection and failure aren’t things I’m used to dealing with at all. Not on this scale, at least. Academics was the one thing I could always rely on, the one thing underpinning all of my successes. The one thing within which I had manifested almost my entire personality. Before, I was always Bella, the smart one. Bella, top of the class. Bella, the straight-A student; set to do great things; capable of going anywhere… But, now, here I was. Bella, just got rejected by her dream university.

Trying to settle into student life with a completely secure sense of self is hard enough- trying to settle in whilst struggling to cope with all of these new, conflicting feelings? It was so, so difficult. WAY more than I would ever admit to in real life. Stupid me was too proud to admit that I was upset to ‘only be going to my second choice’ so I told friends, family, and everyone else that I was perfectly happy to be going to York instead of Durham, and that I wasn’t sad about it at all.

(I want to clarify that I am in NO way trying to diminish the hard work and achievements of anybody who got into their second choice university, or anybody else who got into York. Only now have I realised that it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and if anything you should be proud that your efforts got you into whichever school you ended up in. I’m just sharing with you all how much I struggled to accept this rejection, and how it affected my mental health).

I knew people who had gotten in, and I saw them posting on Instagram about matriculation and other social events at the university. This completely broke my heart. I was happy for my friends who were studying there- they worked hard and more than deserved to be there… but I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I wanted to be there with them. The place that I had worked so incredibly hard to receive an offer for.

Although it’s embarrassing to admit, I did actually cry a bit after seeing these posts. I didn’t know how to process my feelings, because for those first few weeks after rejection I absolutely refused to let myself mope (looking back, I’ve got no idea why I did that. Wtf Bella?). I was determined to be strong about it and try to force myself to be happy with the situation I found myself in- despite the fact that, deep down, I knew it wasn’t where I wanted to be. Not at first, anyway. Pair the bittersweet pain of first-time rejection with my consistent struggle with self-esteem and low moods… Things got ugly fast.

If I had to put a finger on when I started to feel things getting really bad, I’d trace back to somewhere near the first month mark. Freshers week, whilst it felt awkward and drawn-out, wasn’t too bad in terms of my mental wellbeing. I think I was so caught up in trying to adjust to this crazy, new life I had that I didn’t have a lot of time to stop and wonder how I was feeling. Those of you who also struggle with mental health issues will know that they never really go away. They always at least linger in the background, if they aren’t in the forefront of your mind. So I suppose you could say that I felt my strange, healthy-but-unhealthy version of ‘normal’.

I hadn’t yet adapted to life as a York student, but that wasn’t much of a concern at this point. It takes a long time to adjust to change, and I had only been there for a few days. I thought I just needed to wait it out. But, after the first few weeks passed by, I started to notice something weird.

I still didn’t feel settled in. In fact, I didn’t feel like I was there at all. Nothing felt ‘real’. After years of dreaming and wondering what life would be like at university, I suddenly found that the situation I was in wasn’t what I expected it to be at all. I didn’t ‘feel’ like a university student here, even months into this first term. Or, rather, I didn’t feel what I had decided that being a university student ought to feel like.

For my whole life, I’ve attached so much of my identity to my intelligence and educational aspirations. To reach the highest stage of my academic career thus far- the place I’ve been working to get to my whole life- and find out that it was possible that this wasn’t where I wanted to be caused me to completely lose my sense of identity.

The conflict between feeling ‘too good’ for here, but simultaneously viewing my rejection as me ‘not being good enough’ for Durham left me drifting somewhere in the middle with all aspects of my life. University was a big deal for me, and had been for as long as I could remember. I attached so much of who I was to my work, and ergo the university I was going to go to. Having failed to prove to myself that I was who people had been telling me I was for years, I didn’t have scraps of personality left to hold onto.

I felt as though I didn’t belong here, but also that if that were true I didn’t really know where I did belong. I knew that I was smart, and that I was capable of achieving the A-Level grades that I needed to meet my offer requirements for my first choice. Things just didn’t go to plan in my Maths exams. But, at the same time, whenever I struggled with the work here in York, I would say to myself: ‘Oh, look. You can’t even manage the work they give you here. How did you ever think you were good enough for Durham?’

As you can imagine, this made my mental health quite difficult to manage properly. My inability to cope with rejection, trying to live independently for the first time, facing a whole new series of academic challenges, and missing my friends/family ALL took its toll on me in more ways than I care to say. But, stubborn old me tried to make the best of an unexpected, difficult situation. I decided that I wasn’t going to be ungrateful.

I had been accepted into one of the best schools for my subject in the country. I was going to try and make the most of life here, even if it wasn’t what I had wanted in the beginning, and even if it was proving to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. I wish I could say I was able to move past the sadness I felt because of my rejection and because of all of the other things going on in my life (my already poor mental health, trying to live independently…), but that just wasn’t the case.

To keep it short and sweet, student life was kicking my arse.

The dip in my mental health began to affect my ability to work and take care of myself. I was struggling with this sudden and total lack of motivation to keep up with just about everything.

Independent study was completely forgotten about. I skipped countless music rehearsals, and rarely spent time with my flatmates and friends. I didn’t cook properly- I relied on foods that took less than five minutes to cook or didn’t eat at all. I didn’t put as much effort into looking after myself and looking presentable as usual; I usually love dressing nicely, carrying out elaborate skincare and makeup routines- but all of that immediately went out of the window. I rarely left my room, and I would stay essentially completely by myself for days at a time.

There was no part of my life that didn’t take a blow as a result of my poor wellbeing. It was like I’d given up and decided I would just settle for the bare minimum and float aimlessly until the winter break arrived. I didn’t care anymore. Not about appearance, not about my work, and not about me.

Now is probably the time to mention that I didn’t actually tell anyone that this was going on, spare one of my closest friends who I knew for sure wouldn’t judge me. To this day, most people still have no idea that I was having such a bad time, and that I’m still feeling the residual negative emotions from the last few weeks of term. There are a lot of reasons why I didn’t talk to anyone about it, but the main two were that I’m a very private person, and that my family isn't always the most understanding when it comes to helping each other deal with mental health issues. I desperately wanted other people to know what I was going through, but the thought of coming out and telling them straight-up petrified me. I knew I couldn’t do it. So, I chose to hide all of it under the façade of being exhausted from my busy timetable. Or whatever excuse was most convenient at the time for whoever asked me what was wrong.

Another reason I didn’t tell anybody about what was going on kind of plays into the problems I’d been wrestling with before coming to uni (they’ve been an issue for much longer than just this summer, just to point out). I won’t talk about them in detail, because I’m not ready to discuss a lot of what I went through and what I’m still going through, but I’ll say that part of it is that I have a pretty crippling fear of being judged by other people. For my physical appearance, for my academic achievements, for my personal opinions and preferences- for everything. Everything. I don’t really talk about myself to anybody, so even just writing this post feels a bit odd. As you can imagine, admitting I’d been having a terrible time with my mental health to my close friends and family was out of the question.

I had basically reached my lowest point ever. I felt lonely, isolated, and completely lost. I wasn’t living the life people were expecting me to, and I wasn’t

Maybe this seems silly to some of you out there reading this who are dealing with a much bigger and more painful situations than my own. I recognise that there are much worse things I could be going through. And no, of course not every day of the past term was awful. I’m not trying to say that being rejected from my dream university caused this- rather that it fed into what was already a significantly complex problem. But, for someone like myself who pinned all of their self-worth on their educational goals and achievements- for someone who had never really ‘failed’ at something like this before- I was pretty fucking crushed. Enough to make me lose track of basic things I’d never usually had a problem managing before.

My problems had engulfed my life. I was miserable and couldn’t stand it. I was fed up of sticking it out alone. Desperate to let someone else take the burden for a little while, I finally, finally decided it might be worth considering getting some help.

I made an appointment to go and visit the University mental health services, and they signposted me to the local NHS mental health services. The waiting list for an assessment was surprisingly short- it only took me 2-3 weeks to get an appointment where I could receive an initial diagnosis and learn what treatments were available.

It was at this point I found out that I had an anxiety disorder.

This wasn’t particularly shocking news- I struggled with social anxiety as a young teenager- but it made me quite emotional to finally hear someone tell me that what I was feeling WAS part of a bigger problem. It wasn’t just me blowing things out of proportion.

So, that brings us to where I am now. Currently on the waiting list for group therapy. I haven’t really decided if its something I want to talk about on this blog yet, but I feel like even just sharing with other students that I took the step to go and seek help from my uni will hopefully encourage more people who are struggling to do so as well. Most universities have decent mental health services, or at least someone who can point you in the direction of the appropriate resources to help you, so it’s definitely worth looking into in my opinion.

But, right now, I’m feeling okay. This term has been challenging for me and my emotional wellbeing, but the knowledge that I ploughed through and (for the first time in my life) asked for help when I knew I needed it makes me feel proud of myself. A month away from halls has definitely helped me, and I’m actually looking forward to going back with a new, rejuvenated perspective on student life- which leads me onto the final section of this long, waffly post...

What have I learned? How am I trying to make changes? What are my plans for the future?

Well, aside from developing my Chemical knowledge through some pretty fantastic lecture courses and practical sessions, I’ve discovered a lot about myself this term. For example- I’ve realised that I place too much of my personal value on academic achievement and the prestige of the institutions I’m a member of. I should learn to accept that I am so much more than my grades, and that it doesn’t matter where I go to school. Sure, it would have been nice to enjoy all of the things life in Durham has to offer, but does it really matter when I’m living in a beautiful city, studying the subject I love with people who are just as excited about it as I am, and watching myself change and blossom into a completely new person? Not at all.

The most important thing, and the most difficult, was to admit and accept that I wasn’t having a good time here. And that it was okay to feel like this. I could lie to everyone around me about it and say that I was happy, but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. In fact, it took being honest with myself for me to actually start to feel a little bit happier about where I was- literally AND mentally.

I suppose this begs the following question: would I consider transferring? Surely, after all of the emotional chaos I went through trying to get over what felt like the biggest setback of my life so far, I would take the ‘easy way out’ and re-sit my Maths papers so that I could re-apply to Durham and live the life I was convinced I needed to be living?

Honestly… No. Partially because the heartbreak of being rejected was kind of enough to put me off potentially going through it again by re-applying, but also because I feel like this is an important life experience for me to have.

I need to learn healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with rejection and being in situations I didn’t initially want to be in. Obviously, there are lines and limits with this kind of thing, and it differs from person to person and situation to situation, but I’m in a good place for me, I think. It isn’t perfect, but it isn’t meant to be. And I know that if I work hard to make the most of everything my life has to offer me, I’ll reach a point where the struggles I’m dealing with now will be but a distant memory.

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So, that’s all I want to mention for now! I hope this explains why I’ve been so absent from this blog. Being productive was something I really struggled to do this term, so I didn’t have much going on that I could really post about. However, I’m looking forward to showing more of what my life as a Chemistry student at York looks like when I move back up for term two.

 Talking about this has really helped me to reflect on my experiences and gain a little bit of closure from what was a pretty wild and confusing 11 weeks. I might post more content like this in the future, because I think it’s important to show other students that they aren’t alone and more people are dealing with things like this than they realise, but I won’t make any promises just yet.

I hope you are all having a lovely winter break, wherever you are, and I hope you are all looking forward to the next term of school, college, university, or even just the New Year by itself!

See you soon.

Bella <3