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one-flower-one-sword · 1 year ago

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"Mu Qing spat out a mouthful of blood and grimaced like he'd been stabbed where it hurt. He replied, spiteful slowly, "Thank goodness I kicked you out. If we'd kept you in the army and let you get closer to His Highness, were you going to watch him all day with your mind full of unspeakable filth? Disgusting!"

Xie Lian's heart squeezed violently. Hua Cheng had his fist raised at first, but it froze in midair when Mu Qing spat the word "disgusting." Veins bulged on the back of his pale hand. The fingers clenched and loosened, loosened then clenched.

A long moment later, Hua Cheng said icily, "For now, I won't argue with you on that point. [...]"

TGCF Volume 6, page 66

Hua Cheng's reaction here is really interesting - and gets more heartbreaking the more you think about it. I think to understand it, we need to take a look at his distorted self-image and his extreme self-blame whenever he feels he's failed Xie Lian in some way. While doing this, I think it's important to keep in mind that we're looking at these things as separate from Hua Cheng's very real - and very earned! - confidence in his knowledge, abilities, and strength. He knows exactly what he can and can't do and has no problems stating those things as facts. That "aggressive, rebellious confidence" as Xie Lian describes it is a defining part of Hua Cheng's personality and who he is as a person, that is then juxtaposed by a surprising fragility in other matters.

Right when we meet Hua Cheng at just ten years old, he's already been abused for so long and so severely that it's made him actively suicidal. He's also already internalized that his right eye is ugly, evidenced by the way that he keeps covering it with his hands when the bandages are removed after he was beaten and dragged through the streets by Qi Rong and his lackeys:

After a pause, Xie Lian smiled softly. "The doctors will see to your wounds now. Don't be afraid and lower your hands, okay?" The child heard but hesitantly shook his head.

"Why not?" Xie Lian asked.

He was silent for a long time before replying, "Ugly."

TGCF Volume 2, page 349

The right side of his face also appears to receive the most abuse when he gets beaten, as Xie Lian realizes when he sees him again a few years later and his bandages come loose after being attacked by a group of other kids:

During that scuffle, the bandages on the boy's head had been partially yanked off, giving a peek on the other half of his face. It was quite swollen, covered in black and blue bruises. It was obvious that these injuries hadn't been caused by the brawl just now. TGCF Volume 3, page 56

It can be deduced that he probably learned very early in his life that if people see his eye, he gets beaten. It seems to be known around the area that he frequently gets beaten up and kicked out by his family, to a point where even kids from wealthier families know about him and refer to him as apparently everyone else does - the "ugly freak":

"Wow, wow, the ugly freak got kicked out again!" Although these kids were all around the same age as the boy in the shrine, every single one of them was taller than him and looked like their parents fed them well. There was probably a holiday coming up, since they were all dressed in new clothes and shoes. [...] "Hey, ugly freak, are you sleeping at the shrine again tonight? Watch out, your mom is gonna beat the crap outta you when you get home!"

TGCF Volume 3, pages 54-55

This post is going to get quite long, so I'm putting the rest under a read more.

Hua Cheng seems to internalize this view of himself as something ugly and revolting to a point where even hundreds of years later, he's wary about showing Xie Lian his true form. At the same time, he seems to long deeply for Xie Lian to see and accept the real him, so he tries to test the waters when Xie Lian asks the "young master" on the ox cart what Hua Cheng looks like :

The youth laughed. "Who knows? But he's blind in one eye." He pointed to his right eye. "This one."

That was nothing outrageous. Xie Lian recalled one of the many backstory versions where Hua Cheng wore a black eyepatch to hide that missing eye and asked, "Do you know what happened to that eye?"

"That's a question everyone wants the answer to," the youth replied. Others asked because they wanted to know what Hua Cheng's weakness was, but Xie Lian asked purely out of curiosity. He didn't say anything, and the youth continued, "He dug it out himself."

TGCF Volume 1, page 175

And then again after they're back from Banyue:

Hua Cheng didn't turn around but continued to stare at the dilapidated ceiling of the shrine, and Xie Lian could only see this handsome young man's left profile. Hua Cheng said softly, "If I was ugly."

"Huh?" Xie Lian gaped.

Hua Cheng finally turned his head slightly. "If my true appearance is ugly, would you still want to see it?"

Xie Lian was taken aback. "Is it? Although there's no real reason, I never thought your true appearance would be too horrible-looking."

"Who knows?" Hua Cheng said, half-jokingly. "What if I'm discolored, disfigured, ugly, monstrous, and horrible. What will you do?"

At first, Xie Lian thought this line of inquiry was rather fascinating. So the overlord of the Ghost Realm, the one called the devil incarnate and feared by all in the heavens, would care about his looks? But when he thought about it deeply, he didn't think it was very funny anymore. He vaguely recalled, in one of the many rumored backstories of Hua Cheng, one said that he was a disfigured child from birth, or something along those lines. If that was true, then he must've grown up discriminated against by others. Maybe that was why he was particularly sensitive about his appearance.

TGCF Volume 1, pages 369-370

This quote is really long but I wanted to include all of it because Xie Lian's realization here is very important - Hua Cheng's issues don't stem from vanity but from being othered and subsequently abused because of his unusual red right eye. The society they're in shows many instances of ableism, racism, xenophobia and classism, where any attempted change to the status quo as well as anything that goes against "the norm" is regarded with instant suspicion and rejection - as Pei Ming puts it once, "Where there is abnormality, there is evil."

When he finally does show Xie Lian his true form, Hua Cheng is anxious about it up until Xie Lian remarks that it doesn't look bad:

Xie Lian examined him as he followed, smiling. "So, this is your real appearance." Hua Cheng paused slightly in his step. Maybe it was his imagination, but Hua Cheng's shoulders seemed to stiffen for a flash of a second. The moment didn't last, and Hua Cheng responded naturally. "I did say that the next time we met, I would greet you with my real appearance."

Xie Lian grinned and said earnestly, "Not bad." Xie Lian's tone wasn't teasing or consoling, the words were simply said. Hua Cheng gave a small smile back, and this time, it was genuinely relaxed.

TGCF Volume 2, page 103

Xie Lian's acceptance of his true form seems to have reassured Hua Cheng enough that he appears in it a lot more regularly after that, though it's always with the place where his right eye used to be carefully covered. He's also still too afraid to tell Xie Lian about their shared past and who he really is, and even more afraid to confess his feelings because he fears that then Xie Lian will no longer look at him with acceptance and instead see Hua Cheng as this:

He pointed at a little blood-red person on the wall. Right next to it, there were a bunch of messy, twisted, indiscernible characters - it looked like they had been written in a state of delirium or scrawled to vent the author's feeling during a period of extreme suffering. Based on those characters, Xie Lian could guess that the little blood-red person painted there was Hua Cheng himself, but for some unknown reason he had depicted himself as extremely ugly and disfigured.

[...] There was an ugly little blood-red figure at the bottom of the mural. It cupped a small flower in its hands, which it was offering to the statue.

TGCF Volume 6, pages 52-55

Hua Cheng having internalized this distorted "ugly freak" image of himself isn't the only thing tripping him up though. Every time he can't prevent Xie Lian from getting hurt or can't help him, Hua Cheng takes it as a personal failure on his part and immediately seeks to punish himself. Be that by lashing out at Eming, which is essentially an extension of himself:

Xie Lian stroked Eming. "Fangxin is still better suited." Fangxin remained motionless. Eming had tried so enthusiastically to offer itself up but was so blatantly rejected. It hopped back to Hua Cheng's side, weeping. Hua Cheng didn't spare it a single look before he smacked it with a backhand slap. "What are you crying about? This happened because you're useless! Trash!"

TGCF Volume 5, page 120

Or denying himself to touch Xie Lian, like after Xie Lian got accidentally hurt by Eming (an especially cruel punishment given that Hua Cheng had longed for Xie Lian for hundreds of years):

Hua Cheng, however, let go of his hand. "Don't mind them," he said to Xie Lian. "Come with me." His voice was low, the emotion behind it hard to discern. Yet the way he let go of Xie Lian's wrist was swift, almost like he'd been shaken off.

TGCF Volume 2, page 192

Repeatedly witnessing Xie Lian be brutalized and violated while he didn't yet have the power to stop it from happening traumatized Hua Cheng deeply and left him with a wrathful anger that he wields not only against those who wronged Xie Lian but also against himself for any and all perceived failures.

Now, what does all of this have to do with the quote that started it all? In it, Mu Qing accuses Hua Cheng that if they'd have kept him in the army, he would have kept watching Xie Lian "with his mind full of unspeakable filth! Disgusting!" (the fact that he describes a man having romantic feelings and sexual desires for another man in such a way comes off as extremely homophobic of course but that's not the topic of this post)

Hua Cheng, who hates Mu Qing deeply and with good reason, then not only stops his assault but actually goes on to say that he won't argue with him on that point for now. His inner conflict shows in the repeated clenching and loosening of the fingers in his fist - he's extremely angry and would usually never agree with Mu Qing, yet finds himself unable to deny his words. It's noticeable also that it's the "disgusting" that makes him freeze up.

So why would Hua Cheng, someone usually so confident and so unapologetically himself, concede this point to Mu Qing, someone he hates and who's just been viciously insulting him? I would argue that there are two possible reasons.

First of, if viewed through the lens of everything we reviewed in this post, Hua Cheng feels like he "can't argue" on this because he does desire Xie Lian and always has - while at the same time knowing that he, an ugly disfigured other that has repeatedly failed at keeping the God he's pledged his existence to safe from harm, could never be good enough to deserve being with said God like that.

Second of all, as I analyzed in my previous post, Hua Cheng's reaction to Xie Lian having seen the statues and murals is profound fear and heartbreak because he's so sure Xie Lian must now be scared of and disgusted by him. At this point in the story, Hua Cheng is still utterly convinced that his feelings aren't requited, which is something he can deal with. But what he can't bear is the prospect of his feelings, his very devotion, causing Xie Lian pain. Failing to keep Xie Lian safe from being harmed by others is bad enough, but hurting Xie Lian himself? Unforgivable. His fear that his desire for Xie Lian will be upsetting to him is so strong that even after the confession scene, his immediate reaction to Xie Lian even just mentioning the murals is "I'll go destroy them" (Volume 6, page 88), and he doesn't calm down until Xie Lian reassures them that he only saw a few of them and won't look at the others if Hua Cheng doesn't want him to.

#tgcf #rereading tgcf #hualian #hua cheng #i almost didn't post this despite how much work it was #because i kept second-guessing myself and overthinking everything #so now I'm just gonna throw it out there and hope for the best haha

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millerscoffee · 1 year ago

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dancing is a dangerous game | part one

you're a bandit like me, eyes full of stars.

5.5k | joel miller x f!reader

masterlist

rating: 18+ MDNI

tw: brief mentions of using your body for trading purposes, you shoot at joel miller????, light dub-con but that goes away quickly

warnings: post-outbreak au. no ellie. angsty smut, semi-dom!reader and dom!joel so that's fun, power struggle, age gap (joel is 56, reader is late 20s or early 30s), enemies to lovers, voyeurism (f watching m), masturbation (m and f), pet names/degrading names (baby, honey, darlin', brat, bitch, slut, etc.), dirty talk, choking, oral (m receiving), fingering, spanking, p in v (unprotected - wrap it up folks), joel is mean but not unkind. no use of y/n.

summary: inspired by "cowboy by me" by our lord and savior taylor swift. this is a post-outbreak world and joel has his own land. think bill, but a little less... deranged. kind of. you essentially are a raider, but make it fashion. when you stalk joel's cabin for the third day, that's when you get interrogated by none other than joel miller himself.

A/N: hi, i'm bee! this is my first fic on tumblr, and my first stab at this whole stratosphere. longtime listener; first time caller 💅. i was ALSO inspired by an ask i saw on @swiftispunk's page (hi! i love your writing sm??) and kinda just... ran with it. i honestly wasn't anticipating writing stuff during the outbreak, so i apologise if it's not quite right. imagine me living during that time with a tube of lipgloss and one (1) bullet in my pocket just in case. this... may be a series. i don't know yet. see ya! enjoy!!!

The first time you meet Joel Miller is down the barrel of your gun.

You can hear your father's voice telling you 'Back out, girl. Don't get too big for your britches.' Look where that got him. His ashes against your chest in a makeshift pendant necklace, buried by your clothes.

Still, you listen.

"It don't have to be like this," you drawl with index over the trigger guard. You've heard of him. Joel Miller. He's notorious, and even though you've kept to yourself most of your life, his name still roamed throughout the abandoned towns you passed. Someone always owed him, and he always owed somebody.

Your dad would've been older than him, but not by much. You knew of the world before this, was just a little thing. Still, you heard stories undulate from your father's southern voice that mostly left you bored on long days searching for food or shelter. You'd give anything to hear them now.

Part of you died when he did.

You were young when the outbreak happened. Resourceful, your father made it work in raising you. Taught you how to fend for yourself, rely on no one. Which was no easy feat considering how unbelievably stubborn you were. Were? Are.

Maybe he loved you. Maybe it was the chip on his shoulder. The kind of anguish that comes from not being able to give your mother the same kind of life. A promise to her.

Yes, you were young when the outbreak happened, but flashbacks of her getting attacked by a clicker burn you alive at night.

"Y'er on my land." A gruff voice calls you back to reality. Few words for someone who held your life in his hands. His own gun pointing back at you. Of course it would be.

"I was just passin' through." The lie flies through your teeth. You had been circling the place from a reasonable distance for a few days now. Scoping out when this man in front of you was his busiest, when he patrolled, when he slept. This was a heist situation, no doubt about it.

"Bullshit. This s'the third fuckin' time I seen you 'round here. And it's y'er last."

Shit. Fucking shit.

Your eyes dart to the side, really trying to pattern a plan in escaping but your breathing would say otherwise as calm and collected as it was.

In any other situation, you wouldn't be so willing to comply, but considering he's got you cornered and his gun is quite literally cocked and ready to go – you're not exactly in the position to make hasty decisions.

Goddammit if there wasn't something about him that made you nervous.

"Listen. Just was lookin' for somewhere to sleep. It's fuckin' cold and your stables look warm." Your head tilts in the direction of a lone horse's home in a bed of hay, and you're not fully lying. It's not that you have set up camp by any means, but you've noticed.

"We could trade. You give me y'er ammo, and I g–"

"You give me your cock, I get it. You really could be more original." You were used to this. Bartering, some might call it. Living out here on your own was dangerous, and running into men who wanted to use your body in order to get supplies wasn't that uncommon. If they were that kind, even. You'd heard the horror stories.

Albeit, most of these men met your gun in the end. Enabling you acquire their supplies, keep all yours, and your dignity. Win/win.

"...I give you the pleasure of livin' another day. Really? Y'think it's that easy?"

There was something in the way Joel says this that makes you grateful for the jacket you're wearing. Goosebumps prickle your skin, bile creeping up your throat and you will it back down again. Y'think it's that easy? As if he thought you wanted it.

If circumstances were different, you'd be rubbing the crimson off your cheeks. Flashing him a sheepish grin in an attempt to resolve whatever misunderstanding there was... but this wasn't the environment to elicit such conversation.

And you weren't that type of person to begin with.

Instead, your index sweeps from guard to trigger when you fire off at his leg. Hasty decisions be damned. You're quicker than him, so why're you tryin' to save him? You're a 'shoot to kill' type of person, and as the bullet grazes past his calf – part of you wishes you had.

Because not only did your bullet not make contact, Joel gets worse. You two lock eyes. His rifle is thrown over his shoulder as he grunts and walks perfectly fine over to you – despite the way his eyebrows knit together, jaw ticked. Was that a grin? Do something, anything – run.

Joel grips the nape of your neck, and you yelp in surprise.

Who the fuck does this man think he is?

His large hand eclipses your wrist as he maneuvers the gun from your hand. The action makes you writhe in pain, and it sends a shiver down your spine to know he's only using an ounce of his power.

You dig your elbow into his ribs despite him stronger than you. Stomping, kicking, punching anything you can find.

"What the fu–"

"Little girl, you picked the wrong one." His breath edges at the shell of your ear, and every sign should be pointing for you to hate this, but it almost feels familiar. Like yourself. It's only then when you worry.

---

You don't realise it, but Joel is pushing you inside his cabin. Keeping your head in direction of the ground, thud of the door heard somewhere behind you.

"You want to be treated like a big girl? Get these fuckin' pants off."

"What... what? No I'm fuckin' not–"

Joel chews up the space between you when he pushes you to the nearest wall. Your back at his chest, a cheek flush against the cabin's support.

Pine, tobacco, and whiskey fill your senses and you bite back the urge to whimper. He wouldn't see you like that.

"You're not? That why you were watchin' me jerk off last night? 'Cuz you don't wanna give it up?"

That alone makes blood creep up your neck and spill over your cheeks. You have to squeeze your legs together to quell the ache.

It was lonely on your own.

Most nights were spent half asleep on a cold, hard surface. Tired and hungry more days than not. You don't remember the last time you got a hot meal, much less been touched. So when you heard Joel's low grunts coming from the window (a window from a cabin you don't know quite yet that he built with his own hands) you become intrigued.

It's in this moment you're certain it must have been the rustling of branches just outside his room. You remember it happening last night, cursing to yourself for making noise. His fist stalled around the girth of his fat cock before spilling his seed over his stomach. As if that is what caused him to come.

It makes sense now, and it equally causes you to become dizzy and filled with rage. You bite your bottom lip, unable to think of a response.

"Mouthy thing ain't got much to say now. Now c'mon. I ain't taking these off you, doin' it y'erself." More of a warning, Joel lets up on his grip on you, but you're defenseless. No weapons, no pack. He's got your world in his hands.

With the newly found space between the two of you, you turn around – back of your head against the wall as your eyes find the other set for, perhaps, the first time. And they're deep. Deeper than you were aware of. Dark, impossibly round. Wrinkles reside on the sides of them, and if you knew any better, you wouldn't admit they were doing something to you.

But not only are you stubborn, you're too forthright to beat around the bush.

"I shot at you, and you want my cunt? You must be lonelier than I a–"

"Now."

Your words don't match your actions as your hands fall by your sides. Fingers play with zipper of your old, faded jeans that have seen better days.

You can't help but snicker an awkward laugh from how he's just watching you. Insecurities rise when you realise you're not laughing at him, but more his eyes on you. How intense it feels suddenly. He wants this. Wants you.

His eyes draw impatiently, broad frame leaning against the opposite wall, arms crossed.

"Ain't got all day. Still considerin' your death."

His arms. Bulging through the fabric of his shirt, his body was built in a way that you could tell he worked with his hands... maybe in his past life, too. Throat dry, you shimmy out of your pants until you're left in your cotton panties.

Ones that you are becoming more aware the condition of. A small pool of wetness forming at the core of you clings to the fabric.

"Top, too."

Is that? It is. Your eyes wander down to see the growing bulge in Joel's pants. Not even the hem of his flannel could hide it. Sure, you'd seen it in its full form the night before, but that was with distance and without the heat rising between the two of you.

You bite your lip without hesitation, pulling the layers of jacket and a handful of tops onto the ground until you're bare. The cool air passes over your nipples and wills them into stiff peaks.

"Ain't you somethin', baby."

That's the first time Joel Miller draws a shaky exhale out of you. All from a single sentence.

When Joel steps over to you, that calm and collected breath is nowhere to be found. Your chest rises and falls at a random pattern, feeling more and more naked by the second as his clothes are completely kept on his body. A purposeful tactic.

He bends down to collect your clothes along with everything else that yours, and you are truly at his will. So busy on the precipice of pleasure that you don't even think about trying to get away.

"Stay."

"Ain't a dog." You glare, standing with your legs brushing together.

"Then quit actin' like a bitch. And quit movin', I'm gettin' to you."

It shuts you up quick, jaw snapping shut. You're certain if he told that to anyone else they'd be reduced to tears, but you can take it. It coils a heat inside the pit of your stomach that you've never felt. Causes your clit to feel as if it's on fire from the need to touch it.

Joel turns on his heel to walk away and it's as if you're able to breathe fresh air from the humidity he brings. You notice he's putting your things and his rifle away on his kitchen counter before coming back to you. He must really trust his ability to keep everything out like that.

Then again, have you even moved in the last five minutes?

The last thing he is, is worried.

You're able to look around, if only for a moment. Though, is it really looking? Your adrenaline is pumping, pupils blown from the fact that not only are you in the house you'd been stalking... you're about to fuck the man in it. And you almost tried to kill him. You definitely didn't miss on purpose. Couldn't have.

All the same, the cabin was nice, and you could take in briefly the light wood – old and weathered. A record player in the corner beside a guitar. This stuff could get you a lot in return, but for whatever reason that doesn't even cross your mind. Maybe your heart beating in your ears is a handy distraction to keep you walking the line.

Your eyes track the rugged man instead.

---

"Here's how this is gonna go," he announces, coming back to you and not phased that you haven't moved a muscle. "You are gonna take your ass over there on the couch. You're gonna make me come, then you're gonna go. Understand?"

"Well... I guess it is that easy."

Your bratty mouth getting you in trouble again. As if you're in the position to say anything. Naked as you are.

---

Joel's jaw ticks forward in a way that makes you feel fear, yet there's a direct correlation between it and the slick gathering between your folds. The same wide hand that gripped the nape of your neck wraps around the front of your throat while he pushes you against the wall, and your shoulders slump – all but folding instantly.

His mouth is inches from yours, forcing you to look him in the eyes.

"Listen here. I've been real kind to you. Coulda killed ya day one, tryin' to steal my shit like that. Was gonna be real kind in where I fucked ya, too. Now we're gonna fix that mouth a'yours and fast. Knees. Now." You soon come to know this isn't a suggestion. It's not even a warning. It is what's happening.

It's in the way Joel's hands guide you down onto your knees. He goes for his belt and you hear and see that distinct clang of metal untangle before your very senses. Your mouth waters instantly, teetering into fully giving into this struggle of power.

Joel's hands are calloused. You can tell he takes care of them, but that doesn't hide the wear and tear. Specifically on his fingertips. They grip your jaw roughly, and you choke back a moan as your mouth hangs open pliantly from this. Every nerve ending buzzing to be touched.

"Where'd that bratty girl go, huh? You done bein' big and bad – wanna be a slut, don’tcha?"

Your eyelash splay along your cheeks as you nod, and you feel his grip tighten, tugging your chin up higher.

"Look at me. You want this cock? I need your words. Tell me you wanna be a slut."

You're not sure when it happens, but hot tears run down your cheeks as everything comes to a head. Your body is trembling with raw desire right at your fingertips, just within reach. You can't hold back anymore, it physically hurts to.

"I wanna be a slut for this cock... please."

"Fuck, even a please. Oughta eat you out for that, sugar. Maybe next time."

Your brain is swimming at the thought. Next time?

With his free hand, Joel sets his cock free from his jeans, giving a satisfying smack to his abdomen quickly. No need for another piece of fabric keeping him from getting what he wants as you soon take note he isn't wearing boxers.

There's no denying what you're met with as you get to view it from this close. Joel Miller has a pretty cock. There's a soft, but bulging vein on the underside to match how big and thick it is. The rosy tip greets you, and it's the first time you get to see how much you've turned him on.

Your mouth is drooling while it's pried open and meets the tip of him. A moan from you is instantaneous, yet feels so distant from yourself, it doesn't affect you until much later. The taste of his precum coats your tongue as he slips past your lips and it's all you can experience. Your moans slip in and out of the sloshing sounds of your mouth. Keeping your hands by your sides, you don't tempt to touch him in fear he would pull away, so instead you twirl your tongue around his leaking head. Bob your head up and down in a slow, but sultry rhythm that causes him curse under his breath. He's not stoic above you, he's reacting.

He's clawing for every last bit of the upper hand.

"S'a lot, innit, babygirl? That's alright, you can take it." It's then you can sense Joel's guard slipping. Could be the fact that your mouth is suctioned perfectly around the length of his cock, but his voice gets damn sweeter the longer you go like this. His hips also have no problem in thrusting shallowly every now and then to knock the drool off of your dripping chin.

Even if you could form a thought, you don't know you would.

His fingers tangle in your hair, pulling it out of your face as you maintain eye contact. Intuitive in your approach, he told you to look at him earlier, so maybe he likes it? The groans filling the room lead you to believe you are correct. It feels so removed from who you were moments before: snickering because his gaze felt intimidating. Now, his pupils are blown as they pour into yours and his neck hangs back when your mouth makes those pretty, sloppy popping noises – testing your gag reflexes as you will them to relax.

It's way more intimate than anything you've ever done with anyone you've ever been with, and this stranger is pulling it out of you. Within the mess your brain is in, you remind yourself if you want to stop you can, and not a bit of you does.

The hot tears that were once down your cheeks swell in your eyes once more, but this time from the sheer size of him. You moan vibration after vibration against him, shifting and pushing your cunt against your calf, thigh – anything to feel some sort of friction.

He lets out a growl when he notices you, "Honey, if it's that bad, touch yourself." If your cheeks weren't red before, they are now.

It's him calling you out, slight embarrassingly, but not letting up with his hips. It's the way the embarrassment builds the fire in the pit of your belly. It's your hand pushing inside your panties at the sound of his command. And it's you practically choking on his cock from the gasp you let out through your nose – stunned at how wet you are.

Your fingertips barely brush over your clit when you notice the slick collecting, bubbling right at the very top of your slit and slutty moans fall out of you. Your eyelids droop as you try to keep your gaze up to Joel, but the way your fingertips roll over the hood of your clit in satisfying circles sends you over the edge way quicker than you anticipate.

"Shit, baby. Just like that. You filthy thing, can't hold off another minute longer, can ya? Need it right fuckin' now."

The sound of Joel's deep voice looms overhead as you come completely undone.

Unable to stop yourself, the suction on his cock pops free for a moment. Your moans hitting the air as your eyes roll back. Your body rushing to find each wave of pleasure roll off your back. Joel's cock still nestled in your mouth, but his hips still. "Goddamn, look at that little slut come out. Such a needy fuckin' kitten."

When Joel makes sure you've ridden it out, he pulls his cock from your mouth. Your body feels weak despite how eager your mind is now, face-to-face with Joel's cock, you watch as his scarred hand glides your saliva over his length entirely. It puts you in a trance, quickly getting out of it when he taps his cock against your cheek. "Pretty kitten want this? C'mon."

If your moans felt foreign to you, you don't even know what to do with yourself at the twinge of a grin that spreads on your face. The sheer audacity of his taps right against your fucking cheek. Orgasm-drunk, you shuffle to your feet and Joel has no problem in tossing you – finally – to the couch.

Your back is to him while the front of your body brackets the width of his couch, arms hunched over the back of it, knees dig into the cushions. You're grateful for the lack of eye contact in this position as it gives you a moment to press your face into your bicep, an attempt to collect yourself. But all of it obsolete when you sense Joel's presence at your ass.

His body heat unmistakable to miss. You bite at your own skin, neck craning to behind you to watch him.

"Shit, darlin', look at you. Ass up like this like y'er in fuckin' heat for me." You whine at the fact his clothes are still mostly on, and you know he must be sweating underneath them, but he won't give it to you like that. Not yet, 'maybe next time'. "You know I can't go any further 'til you get a spankin'. Need to be punished for tryin' to hurt me like that. For tryin' to take my things. Ain't right. Need you to learn your lesson."

Where are you? A part of you knows this is a tactic. That Joel is lulling you into a position you can't say no to. It already shows itself in how you're splayed on his couch. Yet, you can't find the person you were before you stepped into the cabin. Not yet, not like this. You nod weakly, and Joel swipes the cotton undies down to your thighs so quickly the rush of air cools the heat of your folds. A flutter runs through you.

"Count. To ten. If you don't, we start over. Say, yes sir."

"Y-yes... sir. Yes sir."

A searing, mind-numbing spank wallops over your ass and it causes your hips to jut forward. Whimper hitting the top of your throat, you almost, almost, forget to count. Everything in your senses distracting you from completing the simplest tasks such as fucking counting.

"O-one." Another. "Twooo." And again. "Th-three!"

You start sniffling by the third smack of his wide hand, and you hear mocking sniffs behind your head. "Aww, pretty baby can't take the hurt she tries to give to others? That must be really tough. Y'heart's bleedin' all over my couch, honey."

Your cheeks burn, you really feel sorry for what you've done. Or at least, what you were planning to do.

The next spank leaves a welt of Joel's handprint across your skin. "FOUR!" Your body begins to feel weak, sliding against the couch, you know talking back is useless as you silent tears stream into your arm.

There are six more blinding slaps to your ass by the time he's done with you, and you feel him pull back when he's through. You imagine him wringing his palms, the roughness of them. You begin to wonder if that's how they got to be so weathered, and pretend not to be weirded out by the ache of jealousy.

"Y'know for somebody whinin' the whole time, your pussy is just droolin' from that," any narrative you wandered off with disappears in its replacement of Joel's fingers gathering slick between your folds. No announcement, just go. It was just within reach, feeling him inside you. You ride the shudder your body makes, licking your lips as you realise the unspoken rule is free and you can speak. "N-need it. Need your cock, please... please." "Need it, and you don't even know my name?" His index and middle finger waste no time in pressing into your aching core. Sounds of your wailing mix with his words as he lurches over, lip close to your ear. "Or maybe you do already."

"Please, please, please," your fingertips grip for the worn fabric of his couch while your hips that try to jut back are quickly halted by his other palm, a strong stopper at the base of your spine. "Not 'til you tell me my name." "I-I don't know. I don't know it, I swear." Joel's thick fingers slip completely out of you and you mewl pathetically, pussy clenching around nothing and he can see every last detail of it behind you. "Last fuckin' time, better tell me the truth." "It's Joel," you cry, hips pushing back against the resistance as much as possible. Anything to be filled again. "Joel. Joel. Joel. I was... I was– I don't know anybody. Not with anybody, I swear! Joel, I swear. Please! Just grew up hearin' your name. I swear on my life, Joel, please! I know I lied, didn't think you'd believe me."

You don't know why you're begging like your life depends on it, but your pleasure surely does, and there's a longer pause than you want lingering behind you. As if you can palpably feel Joel contemplating whether you're being truthful or not. But if there's one thing about you, aside from this moment in this compromising position: you don't answer to anybody.

Joel's cock bottoming out inside of you at the drop of a hat is confirmation enough that he believes you.

And you not only wail, but scream at the stretch and irresistible contact that punches you straight to your gut – right where you can feel the tip of him. Half-moon prints dig into your hips by his short fingernails when he grabs ahold of you and you're on your forearms, head hanging between your shoulders. Your panties keep your thighs straying too far apart if there is such a thing.

"This what you wanted when you watched me?" Joel grips your torso now, pulling you closer to him as you become more upright, his cock more accessible to the spongy spot inside of you and your nipples stand erect, eyes rolling back as it takes all of you not to rest your head back against his shoulder, and you fail. Hard. Your occiput makes contact with his shoulder. Joel brushes your hair back to the side, lips graze but never fully touches the column of your neck. "Thought about this tight cunt last night. Left the window open on purpose, but you knew that already, didn't you, pretty girl? Clever little thing and so fuckin' dirty."

Joel's hand snakes around the front of you, spreading your folds as he dives his fingers over your glossed-over clit your wetness claimed and that sends a whine off of your depraved lips. "That's it, honey. Show me what this cock does to ya. Makes you downright brainless from how well you take it." While his skilled fingers, toy with your clit, the other set of digits graze over your breasts on their way up to your mouth. You take them inside the warmth of your wet mouth easily, rolling your tongue over the digits until you can only focus on the white hot pleasure beginning to boil over. You keep his fingers between your teeth, a faint realisation that you can taste yourself on them. That's what does it.

His hips are relentless as they pound into you, the repetitious slaps of his skin against yours, of his balls tapping your cunt again and again sends you into a place that he knows you're approaching when you tighten and pulse.

"Y'know how tight and wet you feel around me, darlin'? Never had a fuckin' cunt like this. Let it out, let it out, just like you wanna. Just like you did last night around your fingers. Nothin' like this cock though, and you know it now, don't you? Oh, fuck yeah– thaaat's it. Look at you." "Joel... Joel!!!" Joel talks you through it, sending your body diving off the cliff that is your second orgasm. The undeniable gush of your fluids around his cock. His name stays stuck at the your tongue, the constant thud of it vibrates your lungs.

It starts at the attention on your clit. The raw bundle of nerves send signals outward as it spreads down your legs, up your stomach, to your nipples and down your spine. Your brain feels effervescent, toes curl, and it comes back again right to your heart. Your beating heart, wild, and every moan, whimper, scream that comes from you sounds like it is from someone else's chest. But it's yours, and you know that when you start to feel hazy, unable to hold yourself up anymore.

"Good for my cock after all. Ain't ya, baby? Shit."

Your torso leans forward while your cheek rests on the top of your hand that's gripped on Joel's couch, and your body is relaxed and fucked. Comfortably silent, just the way Joel would want you. His cock slips out of you, unable to stop the slew of grunts and groans that acts as an anchor to keep you from slipping under. You lick your lips, looking back at him with a nod, unable to stay silent for long. That struggle of power coming back for vengeance. "That's right. Come all over this ass you ruined. See those handprints? Dirty fucking man, you just met me. Show me how much you enjoyed doing that."

That's as far as you get when you feel the heavy streams of his hot, white come rope over your skin, and for someone who is no position to be smug, you sure do have a shit-eating grin on your face. Pure, and the simplest thing the two of you accomplish.

Joel shakes his head, shallow breaths become him as he staggers back and you pretend not to notice. "Gonna kill me, kid."

"Almost did."

---

You don't know why, but neither of you hold the promise of you leaving right away. You linger, both of you half naked and spent. You take your time cleaning yourself off, slipping your clothes back on. Day becoming night.

You tiptoe into the living room where Joel is unfurled on his couch. His eyes are closed, the back of his head inches away from where the two of you just had sex.

Planning your goodbye, you sit at the edge of the couch cushion, knowing he wasn't really asleep. Just restin' his eyes.

"I am sorry...," you finally say into the dimly lit room, pangs of annoyance fizz at your tongue for even apologising. For shooting him, for trying to steal from him. All of it.

It's not his fault. It's just how you are.

This is dichotomous in relation to your eyes. They're bleary when a yawn pulls deep from within you. As if rest had been climbing up to the surface this entire time.

"Maybe you should be apologisin' 'bout your shitty aim. Could teach you a thing or two." Joel's eyes remained closed, arms crossed. If you could let yourself experience this, you would notice how soft he looks in this moment. Instead, your stomach is recoils in fight or flight.

You're glad he can't see you swallow the knot in your throat.

There was no magical solution for your life, and a part of you wishes you hadn't chosen his cabin to raid. You wish you hadn't met him, because now you could feel yourself want to notice the small things in him. Already.

You felt it dangerous to let anything that close to you.

You scoff to play it off, giving his chest a light shove and very accidentally getting lost in the light landscape of hairs that resides at the top of his flannel. "I could teach you a thing or two." A pathetic response for a pathetically spent human.

"We could both teach each other," he resigns and you're grateful he doesn't point out your lack of wit for how worn out he's made you. Perhaps the smugness settles in the things he doesn't say. Really, it's in what Joel spouts off next that throws you upside down.

"S'why you should stay. One month. That's it."

"Excuse me?"

"Didn't stuttered," your eyes roll and somehow, despite Joel's own being shut, he tuts his teeth. "Don't roll your eyes at me, little girl. You need a place to sleep. Besides, I could use an extra set of hands. Way I see it, best offer you've had in a while. Got a shelf life, though. Don't like to wait."

A part of you is suspicious, and if this man didn't make sure you orgasmed twice, you would suspect yourself to be dead within a matter of minutes.

There's something true about him, though. You're unwilling to look at it directly, but you trust him.

"Fine."

"Gonna need clearer confirmation, darlin'. Really need you to want this if you're gonna stay with me." He knew exactly where to press.

"Fuck, I shoulda killed you when I had the chance. I want to stay with you. One month." You try to ignore the grit between your teeth as speak, but your shoulders eventually soften. And you really do mean it. It's just... you're hardened from years of misplaced trust.

Your hand goes to the pendant around your neck subconsciously.

Joel either doesn't notice, or gives you the space.

You're grateful either way.

"That's that, then."

If anyone could understand the concept, it's Joel.

"That's that."

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel miller #tlou fic #by bee #dancing is a dangerous game

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eddiemunsonsbedroom · 11 months ago

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Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

Summary: After months of dancing around your feelings with Joel, it comes to a head. And his reason for avoiding you comes as a surprise.

Warnings: MDNI 18+; suggestive content, no actual smut (yet?), potential for part two, which would be afab reader, since that’s all I can really do justice/know first hand, but no descriptive qualities as far as looks. Jackson era, swearing, age gap (32 and 56). Let me know if I missed any.

A/N: Be gentle on me- I haven’t written much and not in SO long. And none for Joel.

Also rapidly realizing that despite taking so many honors English classes in HS and college, I really know fuck all about correct paragraph format and present/past tense, omfg.

Lemme know if you want the smut and I’ll make a part two lmao.

Joel is avoiding you.

You know it. He knows it.

And you know why.

You’ve been dancing around each other for days now. Ever since all of the lingering glances and brushing of arms came to a head and you grabbed his thigh in the shadows of the Tipsy Bison. Encouraged by his low lids and your even lower whiskey glasses.

He stopped breathing, and when he realized himself, he jumped like he’d been burned. Muttering some excuse before darting from the bar.

You weren’t sure whether to laugh or to be embarrassed. But why be embarrassed when you knew how he actually felt? You could see it every time he looked at you with those dark eyes. Did he think he was being sly?

Months of the spindly fingers of your dry humor and wit, selflessness and competency that he so admired, worming its way through the splintering cracks of his walls until, without him even noticing, they shattered completely.

But you were too fucking young. He could’ve been your dad, for fuck’s sake.

You couldn’t have been more than your early thirties, at most. He was afraid to ask. At 56, he had no business looking at you in any form other than just his patrol partner. At most- a friend.

But fuck, it had been so long. Maybe that’s all it was, right? But even with Tess, he’d never felt like this. That was friendship- the sex just a means to an end- a way to escape. With you… he knew it went beyond just physical attraction. If he said it didn’t, he’d just be lying to himself. It was all of you.

It wasn’t his fault that he liked when you shot a clicker in the head without even an afterthought. Or that you could put someone in their place while being respectful at the same time. That you could teach him new things without making him feel like a stupid old man.

It wasn’t his fault that you could catch him off guard and make him laugh like he hasn’t in years. Or that your eyes sparkling in the Tipsy Bison twinkle lights made him stop breathing. And it definitely wasn’t his fault that he had to practically run from you so your wandering hand didn’t feel his thickening hard-on that came out of nowhere, like he was a fucking teenager.

It wasn’t your fault that he felt this way about you. But he had to be the one to stop it. Pretend like it never happened.

Which obviously you wouldn’t stand for. He should’ve known better.

As soon as you saw your name next to someone else’s on the patrol schedule for the following day, you decided that enough was enough. You gave him a few days to sort his shit out. It was time to give him a piece of your fucking mind.

———

Walking to Joel’s house was easy. Unfortunately for him, you were neighbors. Fortunately for him, you left your knives at home. You were fantasizing about stabbing him at this point.

Passing by Ellie’s lit up apartment you were relieved that she wouldn’t have to bear witness to your rapidly growing annoyance. It was beginning to fester into self doubt. Because fuck, what if you imagined how he felt and you basically assaulted him in public? Except you know that’s not the case. Right?

As soon as Joel opens the door you’re pushing past him into the kitchen.

It looks like he hasn’t done a dish in days. Flannels taken off after a long day strewn over the backs of dining chairs. Crumbs on the counter.

“Jesus, Joel, crack a window. What’s going on in here?”

Sighing your name, he rounds the corner after you. “Is there a reason you barged into my house?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you’ve been avoiding me,” you huff, leaning against his counter.

“Dunno what you’re talkin’ about,” he averts his eyes, deciding that now is the time to tidy his kitchen.

“Don’t bullshit me, Joel.”

“‘m not,” he sighs, filling the sink with warm water.

“Yeah? Then why is now the time to do the dishes that have been sitting there for three days?”

Fuck. He knows you’re not going to let this go, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try to avoid the topic for as long as possible.

“Joel, did I make you uncomfortable?”

His head snaps up, “what?”

That, unfortunately, was the furthest thing from the truth. He wishes it was so he could gently let you down and have you be on your way. Go back to the way things were before, before he knew what he was missing. Before he got addicted to you and you consumed his every waking thought.

“When I… touched you. In the bar,” you falter, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Second guessing everything. Because what if that’s actually what this was?

He decides to get it over with before this becomes any more unbearable.

“Christ. No, I wasn’t uncomfortable. That was the problem,” he grits out.

“I fucking knew it! I fucking. Knew it!”

“Listen-“

“No, you listen. I don’t know what your deal is. I get that we’ve both been through some fucked up shit in the last twenty years, and maybe that’s a huge reason for why you’re so closed off. Denying yourself something that you obviously want-“

He starts to cut you off, saying your name in a stern whisper, but you don’t let him.

“Let me finish.” Surprisingly, he lets you continue, a war waging in his eyes.

“I’m not asking you to marry me, Joel. I’m asking you to just be fucking honest with me. It doesn’t have to be anything serious. It doesn’t have to be anything at all. But I know you feel something for me.”

He’s gripping the counter so hard that his knuckles are turning white. His jaw ticks as he looks down into the sink, watching the little soap bubbles burst until he collects his thoughts enough to speak. You don’t realize that you’re holding your breath until he starts talking.

“I don’t… I don’t know what to do with this. I’m too-“

“Stubborn?” You suggest, despite yourself.

“Old,” he forces out.

Your eyebrows shoot into your hairline, because that is not at all what you were expecting him to say.

“What?”

He lets out a humorless laugh. “I’m 56. I’m way too old for you, sweetheart.”

You clench at the nickname despite wanting to throttle him. “I’m 32. Not 13.”

He groans. “Not helping.”

You lean away from the counter. “I thought you were avoiding this because you were like…” you flail your hands, trying to find the words, “emotionally fucked up, or something.”

He snorts, despite how flustered he feels at admitting his insecurities. “I probably am. But that’s not the point.”

“I’m a grown ass woman. We met as two grown ass adults, Joel. What are you afraid of?”

He clenches his jaw. He can’t meet your eyes.

You press on. “Are you worried about what society thinks? There’s an apocalypse, if you haven’t noticed. I don’t give a shit what Mrs. Johnson down the street thinks. She’s an asshole anyway-“

“Darlin’-“

“No. What’s the point in surviving if you stopped really living twenty years ago? You’re not dead. You deserve to do what makes you feel alive.”

He drags his eyes up to yours, leaning up from the sink. You think he might touch you, but he only faces you. Hesitant.

“Doesn’t bother you that I’m old?” He rasps, eyes low, inching closer. “Hm?”

“I think it’s kind of hot,” you say, smirking.

You shyly smile at each other. Letting it settle.

“We only live once, Joel,” you whisper. “I don’t want to be on my death bed thinking, ‘damn, I really wished I’d fucked that old man’.”

He barks a single surprised laugh at that, throwing his head back.

And you think he’s never looked so beautiful.

#pedro pascal #joel miller #tlou #the last of us #joel tlou #thelastofus #pedrohub #joel miller x reader

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sugolara · 2 years ago

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𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝

Feat. Katsuki Bakugo, Shoto Todoroki, Izuku Midoriya x fem! reader

An ongoing series.

Synopsis: After a deadly virus leaks all over the world, every country is forced to close down its borders and airports to prevent anyone from coming in and out. Though, it's too late for some people. The dead have risen and are looking for revenge.

Cw: gore, quirkless! au, apocalypse! au, zombie! au, weapons, death, heavy angst, lots and lots of blood, cannibalism, suicidal thoughts, updates thursday/sunday, slow burn, wd: 1k - 5k, its a quirkless! au, so u.a is a private high school with general education along with classes that have hands-on experience; like a trade school.

✓ HEAVILY EDITED: s1 - s5 has been heavily edited as of 7/15/24 - 9/16/24, s6 - s9 has finally been edited as of 9/16/24 - 11/22/23, so a few things may not make sense if you are re-reading or the comments do not make sense.

Inspired by, ''The Walking Dead''

Table of contents:

Season 1: The beginning of us. Episode 1: Begin Episode 2: Not alone Episode 3: Gone but not forgotten Episode 4: You belong in this world Episode 5: Because all life is precious Episode 6: Musutafu, we'll meet again Episode 7: Izuku: I'd always thought there be more time

Season 2: The setting I lived for. Episode 8: During these two weeks Episode 9: Diopside, like your eyes Episode 10: For the first time in a long time Episode 11: Determined to survive, stay alive Episode 12: Imperturbable Episode 13: Almost complete Episode 14: Katsuki: You are going to beat this world

Season 3: The completion of us. Episode 15: Away with you Episode 16: Three months ago Episode 17: Disappear Episode 18: Thin ice Episode 19: Nothing else to lose Episode 20: My savior Episode 21: Shoto: Everything you would be will be gone

Season 4: The torture realization. Episode 22: Trouble Episode 23: For however long that'll be Episode 24: The fallen city Episode 25: Stay who you are Episode 26: Here with you Episode 27: All together Episode 28: F/n: A soul yet to be mourn

Season 5: The dawn to you. Episode 29: Back on road Episode 30: Lost Episode 31: Safe in your arms Episode 32: And so it begins Episode 33: At stake Episode 34: To be forgiven Episode 35: Familiar face

Season 6: The journey to you. Episode 36: Solace Episode 37: A stab through my ticker Episode 38: Never to easy Episode 39: To good for death Episode 40: Dreams of my hateful memories Episode 41: A stroke of luck Episode 42: Be aware Episode 43: Bait Episode 44: A thump in my heart Episode 45: Belong to me Episode 46: One step closer (Towards you)

Season 7: The ache in my heart. Episode 47: Sorston Episode 48: Bitter tenderness Episode 49: Here to stay Episode 50: The start Episode 51: Powder Episode 52: Good morning and goodbye Episode 53: For they may be my last Episode 54: An end to sorrow, grief & regret Episode 55: Even when I'm sleeping Episode 56: Reporting to duty Episode 57: I dream of you like I'm afraid tomorrow will be the last I see you

Season 8: The beauty of choice. Episode 58: Not who you were Episode 59: Just you, me and the others Episode 60: The Plaza Episode 61: The other side Episode 62: To be ready Episode 63: You're here Episode 64: My dear Episode 65: Secrets you'll soon share Episode 66: Discard me Episode 67: To wish you well Episode 68: For as long as we live Episode 69: Like a flower I bloom and then later fade away

Season 9: The missing. Episode 70: I'll see you in a while Episode 71: So wait for me Episode 72: Hushed secrets Episode 73: I wanna get it through to you Episode 74: It won't be long Episode 75: My heart echoes

To be continued...

Playlist!

Space junk - Wang Chung Wolf - First Aid Kit Into The Black - Chromatics My Life In Rewind Run Boy Run - Woodkid Bad Before Good - Day One You're so Cool - Jonathon Bree So Bored - Gorgeous Bully Operations - Duster Civilian - Wye Oak Can't Stop - Red Hot Chili Peppers Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses Skyfall - Adele Up the wolves - The Mountains Goats Be Gone Dull Cage - Kiev Into Dust - Mazzy Star Tomorrow Is a Long Time - Bob Dylan Poison Tree - Grouper Rhymes Of An Hour - Mazzy Star You Are The Wilderness - Voxhaul Broadcast Running - Delta Spirit People, Turn Around - Delta Spirit The Lion's Roar - First Aid Kit Pain - Boy Harsher Setup - Favored Nations This Old Death - Ben Nichols Revolution - Red Shahan Mr. Splitfoot - Paris Motel The Man Who Sold The World - Nirvana Beautiful Mess - Balian The Day The World Went Away - Nine Inch Nails Empty Words - Bowery Electric No Longer Making Time - Slowdive Hush - Trills Struggling Man - Emily Kinney The Last Pale Light In the West - Ben Nichols Blackbird Song - Lee Dewyze Step Away From the Cliff - Blue-Eyed Son Take Care (To Comb Your Hair) - Ty Segall Paradise - Silverberg No Peace At All - Aldous Harding Glad I Had a Friend - Galt MacDermot Machine Gun - Portishead Shadows of Planes - Duster Save Us from Ourselves - Digital Daggers Salt in the Wound - Delta Spirit I'm No Heroine - Emily Wells It's All Right - Sam Cooke To Build A Home - The Cinematic 6 Underground - Sneaker Pimps Edge Of The World- Dayshell Bye Bye Bye - School of Seven Bells You Are Not Alone - Mavis Staples Welcome - Harmonia & Eno '76 Hope We Can Again - Nine Inch Nails outside - Oneheart sleepless - Odyzon Arsonist's Lullabye - Hozier It's All Over - Johnny Cash The Stars Just Blink for Us - Say Hi Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division Knockin' On Heaven's Door - Guns N' Roses Runnin' Down A Dream - Tom Petty Fly Like An Eagle - Steve Miller Band Alesund - Sun Kil Moon Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd Wicked Game - Chris Isaak 1908 - Repulsive Rule of Rose OST - Playing Airship I Shall Cross This River - The Black Atlantic Easy Way Out - Low Roar Don Abandons Alice - John Murphy Wherever You Are - Ulrich Schnauss Waitin' Around to Die - Townes Van Zandt Hope Prevails - Jesper Kyd Take Me Home - Lazyroom A Song For You - Leon Russell

Book one: Welcome To The New World Book two: To The One You Left Behind

taglist: @mikeyswifie @k0z3me @sky-angel101 @stevenknightmarc @nahwajinswhore @mn-0p @a-helen113 @azrral @mary-jinx @chixkadee @flowers-4-you @im-the-groot

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simply-whump · 9 months ago

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The Sign (ลางสังหรณ์) - Whump List

Whumpees : Phaya played by Billy Patchanon and Tharn played by Babe Tanatat

Synopsis : For as long as Tharn can remember, he's had premonitions about those around him, sensing both the good and the bad. Partners on a team of special investigators, when kind and cheerful Tharn met clever and charming Phaya, it felt as though they'd known each other for a long time. (MDL)

Genres : Action, Mystery, Romance, Supernatural, BL

Warning! Possible spoilers below!

Phaya

Ep 1 : (11:40) (In Tharn’s vision) Gets impaled, bleeding from the mouth — (13:36) Shot, stopped by the bulletproof jacket, fighting, hit — (36:35) Almost drowns

Ep 2 : (25:36) Goes into the water, in some sort of trance, concern for him, woken up

Ep 3 : (54:36) Having a nightmare — (01:18:24) Sparring

Ep 4 : (45:49) Fighting, hit in the head, collapse, dizzy, saved, bleeding from the head — (47:29) Treated — (01:01:57) Upset

Ep 5 : (34:20) Fighting, in a headlock, punched, thrown around, groaning in pain, choked, coughing — (38:35) Worried for Tharn — (56:23) Wincing in pain after using his arm, treated, hand bandaged — (01:17:21) Hit on his wound, concern for him

Ep 6 : (38:24) Sudden vision, injured in his vision, falling to the ground, woken up — (44:18) Punched by Tharn

Ep 7 : None

Ep 8 : (01:08) Having a nightmare/vision, very tense and agitated (kinda looks like a seizure), concern for him, woken up, coughing, heavy breathing — (24:10) Hallucinating Tharn in danger, worried, suddenly in a trance (body seems controlled), going into the water, drowning — (27:35) Seeing his past, groaning in pain — (In his past life) (28:50) Laying down injured, bleeding, groaning in pain, vision blurry, passes out, healed with magic, wakes up, wincing in pain — (Past Life) (37:00) Fighting, hit with magic, choked until he almost passes out, collapses to his knees, fighting, injured, pierced by a rock, bleeding from the mouth, dies — (Present) (50:42) (Gif Set) Drowning, pulled out of the water, unconscious and not breathing, concern for him, cpr, mouth to mouth breathing

Ep 9 : (02:47) (Gif Set) On a stretcher in the hospital, unconscious, cpr, concern for him, intubated — (08:11) Worried friends arrive at the hospital — (23:13) Unconscious in a hospital bed, nose cannula, concern for him — (24:42) (Gif Set) Friends come visit him at the hospital, all very concerned for him — (38:44) Attacked in his “dream”, (Gif Set) having a seizure, concern for him, flatlines, cpr, wakes up — (43:08) Having a nightmare, wakes up, rips out his IV and runs away from the hospital — (44:34) Arrives at Tharn’s house looking exhausted

Ep 10 : (12:54) Scolded

Ep 11 : (30:19) Shot at, big tree branch almost falls on him, saved, shot at — (32:00) Fighting, punched — (33:44) Running away, shot at, falls off a cliff — (34:57) Hanging from the side off a cliff, asking Tharn to let him go, forces Tharn to let go of his hand, falls — (40:29) Wakes up in some cave, hugged, wincing in pain — (42:50) Groaning in pain, concern for him

Ep 12 : (42:02) Wakes ump without Tharn by his side, worried, crying, jumps into the water — (46:16) Pushed, fighting, choked — (50:30) Very worried for Tharn — (51:47) Wakes up in the hospital screaming Tharn’s name, concern for him, panicked, crying — (57:53) Depressed

Ep 12.5 (Lots of whump for the rest of the team in this ep) : (52:05) Fighting, restrained, hit — (01:12:15) Fighting, hit, his opponent injects himself with something and becomes a lot stronger, beaten down

Tharn

Ep 1 : (11:28) Headache, has visions — (18:55) Pushed, grabbed by the neck

Ep 2 : (58:27) Very drunk, almost throws up, carried

Ep 3 : (06:05) Still drunk —(01:18:24) Sparring, pinned to the ground

Ep 4 : (18:13) Having a vision, headache

Ep 5 : (04:01) Punched — (38:20) Shielding Phaya, stabbed, concern for him — (39:41) Wound bandaged — (01:06:24) Has a fever, looked after

Ep 6-7 : None

Ep 8 : (Past life) (41:06) Pierced by a rock while protecting Phaya, collapses, coughing blood, concern for him, dies — (Present Life) (49:53) Fighting, in a chokehold, coughing, has a vision of Phaya drowning, jumps into the water, very worried for Phaya

Ep 9 : Very worried for Phaya — (08:16) Crying, worried — (10:26) Crying while holding Phaya clothes — (25:40) Visiting Phaya at the hospital, crying, blaming himself, comforted — (36:53) Fighting, kicked several times, almost shot, has a vision of Phaya seizing — (39:24) Worried for Phaya

Ep 10 : (42:31) Has a vision, concern for him

Ep 11 : (24:00) Has a vision, concern for him — (32:00) Fighting — (33:44) Running away, shot at, falls off a cliff — (34:57) Hanging from the side off a cliff, worried for Phaya, falls, saved by some magic, collapses to his knees, crying — (43:32) Emotional, teary-eyed

Ep 12 : (17:13) Fighting, at gunpoint, hit, choked, concern for him — (42:02) Has disappeared, concern for him — (46:24) Hit — (49:37) Hit by some powerful magic, concern for him, bleeding from the mouth, in pain, disappears

Ep 12.5 : (12:05) Has a vision, headache, concern for him — (52:21) Has a vision of Payha getting stabbed and dying

>> More Whump Lists

#the sign #the sign the series #asian whump #thai drama #thai bl #whump list #billy patchanon #babe tanatat

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scarletlizzard · 9 months ago

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So apparently I hit 500 followers? Thank you to everyone who follows and has interacted with my fics!! 🥳

I thought this would be fun to celebrate? I have a list of random dialogue that y'all could pick from to send me. Ranges from everywhere to fluff, angst, NSFW, etc. And I'll write a little short something for it!

Feel free to pick a number or few to send or you could be specific with who you want or a specific trope or plot. Anything!

Thank y'all so much, made my whole day 💕

104 Dialogue Prompts

1. "Admit it... you're in love with me."

2. "We could get arrested for this."

3. "I thought you were dead."

4. "I've missed this."

5. "You could've died."

6. "Who did this to you?"

7. "I know, I know, I'm sorry... it'll be over soon, I promise."

8. "Come back to bed."

9. "How long has it been since you slept?"

10. "Tell me where you are, I'll come get you."

11. "I still love you."

12. "Such a good girl."

13. "Open your mouth for me, baby."

14. "We have to make this quick."

15. "Beg for it."

16. "Mommy?"

17. "You're in love with them. Aren't you?"

18. "It was you? This whole time?"

19. "You know, just cause you're older don't think for one second I'm not in charge."

20. "Smile at me like that again, I'll fall in love with you."

21. "... is that a trick question?"

22. "Don't just stand there, say something."

23. "Say that again, I dare you."

24. "Fuck you." "Right now?"

25. "I'm joking! Unless..."

26. "You take me so well."

27. "What do you mean I'm dead? I'm standing right here."

28. "Please, I'm begging you. Just hear me out."

29. "Oh fuck... I'm in love with (x)." "You're just now realizing that?"

30. "What if you didn't go? What if you stayed?"

31. "You like it rough, don't you, slut?"

32. "Flowers?"

33. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you."

34. "Fuck, marry, kill..."

35. "Truth or dare?"

36. "Since when did you ever care about me?"

37. "You think I wanted this to happen? You think I wanted to fall in love with you?"

38. "May I have this dance?"

39. "I know I'm the last person you want to see, but..."

40. "I'm done! I am done waiting for you."

41. "It's okay, you're okay, I'm here. I've got you."

42. "Touch her again and see what happens."

43. "Is that a hickey?"

44. "I'm fine, it's just a bruise..."

45. "I'm going to fucking kill them."

46. "Are you sure about this?"

47. "Why are you all sweaty?"

48. "You left! You left and you didn't even think to look back. What was I supposed to do?"

49. "Well... this is awkward."

50. "You know I've been flirting with you this whole time right?"

51. "They'll never love you the way I did."

52. "If you're trying to make me jealous, it's working."

53. "Wanna bet?"

54. "Just say that you want me and I'm yours."

55. "I'm going to ruin you for anyone else."

56. "Wait you've never kissed a girl?"

57. "Where did all this attitude come from, princess?"

58. "Take my hand."

59. "Can I have your number?"

60. "You're an idiot." "Well yes, you'll have to be more specific."

61. "Quick! Pretend to be my girlfriend?"

62. "Run away with me."

63. "Are you going to be a good girl for mommy?"

64. "That collar looks so good on your pretty neck."

65. "Too bad, you're going to take every last fucking inch of me."

66. "Do you ever think before speaking?"

67. "Count them for me."

68. "You snore."

69. "Let's try that position." (I know, I know)

70. "Bullshit! You're telling me you just don't blush?" "Nope, never."

71. "Just tell her how you feel." "I'd rather get shot again."

72. "Oh my god are you okay?" "Yeah I'm fine, I've been stabbed before."

73. "Daddy?"

74. "Can't we go back to how things used to be?"

75. "Save a horse ride a cowgirl, amiright?"

76. "I like you. A lot."

77. "Is that the best you can do?"

78. "I'll consider kissing you if you can beat me."

79. "Please, pull the trigger."

80. "I'm not drunk enough for this."

81. "You can't run away from this forever."

82. "I know you're having nightmares again."

83. "Would you like me to whisper it in your ear?"

84. "Stop looking at me like that."

85. "Somebody's cranky." "Somebody needs to shut the fuck up."

86. "Get on your knees."

87. "How stupid do you think I am? Don't answer that."

88. "I can't sleep."

89. "Just relax, let me make you feel good."

90. "Close the door."

91. "Was that supposed to hurt?"

92. "I've wanted this for so long."

93. "You can do better than that. Beg for it."

94. "Controlling? Oh I'll show you controlling."

95. "You drive me fucking crazy!"

96. "Nobody needs to know."

97. "Take another step and you'll be dead before you open your fucking mouth again."

98. "Do they always look like that?" "Just when (x) is around."

99. "I made you a playlist."

100. "I know you said you would die for me but I didn't think you meant that literally!"

101. "Is that... blood?" "Huh? Oh yeah! Oh I'm fine it's not mine."

102. "Why are you always looking at me like that?" "Like what?"

103. "Hero? Please. You heroes have to win every time. But being the villain? I only have to win once."

104. "You've changed." "You haven't."

#scarletlizzard thoughts #500 followers #marvel #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #elizabeth olsen #elizabeth olsen x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader

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asoiafzambi · 3 months ago

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So since my other Westerosi Kings Guide was such a smashing hit, here is another list with their ages at/and reason for death. Put some none-kings this time too, that came close enough to the throne, that I wanted to mention them.

No not everybody got murdered. Tyrion Lannister's opinions are not a historical source and Maester conspirancies can go fuck themselves.

That said:

63- Aegon I: Stroke (Age)

35- Aenys I: Heart Attack (Stress)

17 - Prince Aegon the Uncrowned: Murder (Dragon-Combat)

36 - Maegor I: Stabbed to death on the Throne (Murder?)

69- Jaehaerys I: Old Age

44- Prince Baelon the Brave: Ruptured Appendix (Appendicitis)

52 - Viserys I: Heart Attack (Diabetes, Obesity)

33 - Princess 😉 Rhaenyra: Execution by dragon (Warfare)

24 - Aegon II: Poison (Suicide?)

36 - Aegon III: Tuberculosis

18 - Daeron I: Murder (Assassination - Warfare)

26 - Baelor I: Anorexia (Mental Illness)

50 - Viserys II: Pneunomia

49 - Aegon IV: Extreme Obesity, Diabetes

55 - Daeron II: Plague

39 - Prince Baelor Breakspear: Fractured Skull (Accident - Combat)

20 - Prince Valarr: Plague

49 - Aerys I: Unknown

56 - Maekar I: Combat, Warfare

59 - Aegon V: Fire/Suffocation by extinguishing sand (Accidential Ritual Murder-Suicide?)

37 - Jaehaerys II: Respiratory Disease (likely underdeveloped lungs from premature birth)

39 - Aerys II: Murder - Stabbed to death (Assassination)

36 - Robert I: Drunk Hunting - Gorged by a Boar (Assassination)

13 - Joffrey I: Poison (Accidental? Assassination)

While Tyrion and the Maesters can fuck off I too have some speculations here:

I like the idea of Aegon II just comitting suicide cause he knew he was done for. But he was so happy about getting married again and having more kids, you'll say. That would be still in line with a manic-depressive person I think. I just like the idea, not super attached to it.

I will die on the hill though, that the poison at the Purple Wedding wasn't meant for Joffrey but for Tyrion. It's just too funny to not be true, I'm afraid. (And it makes zero sense to kill Joffrey BEFORE the wedding night.)

As for Aerys I not even having a cause of death thus far - GRRMy is so unserious sometimes - I'll just be equally unserious and guess a book case fell on him and crushed him.

#fire and blood #a world of ice and fire #hotd spoilers #aegon targaryen #viserys targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #aerys targaryen #maekar targaryen #robert baratheon #joffrey i baratheon #jaehaerys targaryen #daeron targaryen #baelor targaryen #asoiaf

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fantasies-fairytales-n-fics · 3 months ago

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Code Blue Ch. 56 - Reap What You Sow

Summary: Josie has Deja Vu. Craig squirms at a sweet sight. The silence speaks volumes to Jo. She and Craig continue to bond. A past trauma is explained. Craig reels. A close encounter and some bacon rattles Jo. She soon takes another stab in the heart. Craig gets down to belated business and gives an ominous order. Jo spontaneously reacts to a dream. Lee sees the red.

*Chapter Warnings* language, angst, alcohol use, anxiety, kidnapping depictions, mob hit

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist:

Salem, Massachusetts

March 23, 2022

You groaned as the sunlight and the sizzling sound and smell of bacon awoke you from your drug induced slumber. As usual, you felt hazy and drunk from the anxiety meds, hence why you never took them and you hadn't a clue how you got in your bed. As you sat up and let your eyes begin to focus, you saw Craig sitting on your couch, sipping on his beloved red wine.

"W...what...time is it??" you mumbled.

"Well hey there sleeping beauty. It's almost noon." he softly spoke with a sweet smile. "Welcome back to earth. How you feeling?"

"Like I went on a drinking binder till all hours of the morning. I'm so thirsty. Wait...have you...been here all night?"

Craig chuckled. "I have. You don't remember getting up in the middle of the night and drinking half a bottle of wine all by yourself as you sat with me and chatted my ears off for over an hour?"

You squinted in thought for a moment. "N..no? I..I did?"

"You did and I told you it wasn't a good idea to drink and you told me to...and I quote...shut my pie hole and use it to drink with you."

Your eyes widened as whispered words slipped through your lips. "Oh my god...it happened again."

"What's that sweetheart?"

"Oh uh...n..nothing. So uh, what exactly did I talk about?" you asked as you began to get out of bed.

Craig swiftly stood in a panic with his hand up in a stop gesture. "No...don't do that! You...you're only wearing some flimsy nightgown. Here, let me get you a robe or a t..towel or...something er other." he rambled with cheeks as red as his wine as he scurried off to the bathroom.

As the sounds of Craig opening and slamming drawers pounded through your apartment, you placed your hand on your chest and looked down, mouth gaping at your attire that bore an eyeful of cleavage and judging by Craig's reaction, he certainly didn't dress you.

He came out empty handed, feeling the heat of his flushed face and sounding as if he had just ran up a flight of stairs. "Yeah so...there's nothing...nothing at all in there Jo, NOT... even... a clean towel."

Holding your sheet over your chest, a curled smirk arose on your lips as you giggled at the big bad mob man who, in that moment, resembled a nervous teenage boy. "I packed most of my stuff remember? and it's still in my car. I think there's a robe behind the door though."

"Oh...right!" he panted and zipped back to the bathroom, leaving you giggling again.

"I take it I put this on last night?" you hollered.

Still panting, he jogged back, held out the robe and looked away. "Yessss. You woke up, said you were hot and went to the bathroom, then came back with...th...that th...thing on...and you refused to cover up saying things like, It's my apartment, I can dress how I want and...stop being a big baby Craigy, it's just like a dress and I argued that it was a very SMALLLL dress."

The memory suddenly surfaced, but the rest was still foggy, such as the so called long conversation you had with him, hoping to god it didn't involve Lee. As you spaced out, trying to remember, your phone beeped from somewhere in the apartment.

"GAHH!" Craig puffed and spun around with his eyes closed as you hopped out of bed, forgetting all about the robe. "COME ON! Jo, put the robe on."

You heard him but you inattentively countered his request as you incautiously bounced around the room, searching for your phone in case it was your mom...or Lee. "Craig, apparently we sat and drank wine and talked for a long time while I wore this, so what does it matter now?"

He turned partially around to side eye you, hands on his hips. "Yeah well, I wasn't comfortable then and it's no different now. In fact, just so you know, I didn't even look at you while we talked. Just stared straight ahead."

Ignoring him as you found your cell, the knife that Lee had plunged deep into your heart twisted. There was not one call or text from Lee. The one you just received was from Landy asking how you were and informing you that Lee finally replied to his well check on him from yesterday with a text at 10 a.m. this morning that simply stated "she's all yours now."

Your prolonged silence and stillness forced Craig's eyes to look at you. "You...ok?"

"Fuck forever it is then." you mumbled and carelessly tossed your phone on the coffee table., then looked right into Craig's eyes. "So, refresh my memory. What did I talk about last night?" you asked, deflecting with a smile as you roughly grabbed up some old flowers from a vase that were from Lee and took them straight to the trash, for your sadness over him was slowly turning into anger.

How could he just walk away like that? To get you back for the time you RIGHTFULLY did it to him? Your head was still spinning as to how quickly the entire conversation with him at the cemetery went sour. Was it your fault? You never planned on telling him all that extra stuff until later, but when he overheard your mom's call about Gerry, everything just blew up. Maybe it WAS your fault. Maybe you shouldn't have went to see Gerry and that kiss would never have happened. Maybe Lee was right, of course he was right, HE was supposed to be your priority, but regardless, you were still extremely hurt and angry that he just abandoned and avoided you and then said what he said to Orlando as well. You thought that maybe the dawn of a new day would have changed his thoughts, that maybe he would regret what happened, but it was now crystal clear he was not budging. Was it really...over?

"Wellll..." Craig began, trying to mentally block the glorious vision of you in the skimpy satin nighty. "It was a mixture of things, mostly about Megan and what she did to you and then you kept apologizing to me again, over and over about Blaise and you cried and then you randomly said something about being locked in a morgue or something? And you also said you were going to go see Peter to tell him his brother got what he deserved, which I HOPE to god you aren't seriously thinking of doing something so insane! Jason would lose his shit! And after that, you didn't want to talk anymore and just got back in bed. Soooo...what was the morgue thing about?"

You froze in place as the entire conversation came back to you. "I...I can't even believe I mentioned that. It's not something I talk about...to anyone."

"Well, you WERE a bit sloshed on the alcohol and anxiety meds cocktail."

"Yeah, true but...if I'm being honest, I'm comfortable with you Craig. I kind of feel like I can tell you anything. I trust you."

"Comfortable....CLEARLY." he stressed with a smirk. "But...that umm, that means a lot Jo, that you trust me after the whole Jason thing."

"Water under the bridge Craig. Speaking of my brother, have you heard from him? He took off with Britt and just vanished. Do you think he may have found Ethan and that's why he's missing too?"

"I haven't, no. Jo, I'm sure if he found Ethan, I'd have Blaise back already."

"Assuming Ethan even has or had her."

Craig sat down and gulped the rest of his wine. You could tell your words upset him.

"I'm sorry Craig. I shouldn't have said that."

"No Jo, you're right. It's all just an assumption. One that makes the most sense, but maybe Liz had someone take her, or maybe Ethan's POS father is involved. Believe me, I've already thought about all this and have some men tailing him and also watching some people Liz knew."

You sat down beside him. "God I wish I could do something. I'm always going to feel like it's my fault, no matter what you say."

Craig smiled his sweet smile and poured more wine. "You ARE doing something. You care for one thing and that means the world to me and...you're here for me too. You have no idea how much that helps me."

You gazed at him for a moment as you made a difficult decision. "Peter....Peter is the one who locked me in the morgue drawer."

Craig nearly choked on the red vintage as he simultaneously swallowed. "Umm, say what now????"

"Yeah, it was years ago. Shortly after we first met and he became dangerously infatuated with me and..."

"I know all about Peter and his psycho daddy because of Jason and he never mentioned that."

"Because it really fucked me up and I made him promise to keep it to himself. I was traumatized enough and didn't want people knowing for many reasons. It's where I developed my fear of small spaces, storms and anxiety and easily blamed a lot of that on Megan."

"I understand that. Storms?"

"Yeah, you don't even want to know what it sounds like inside one of those during a hurricane. I'll just start from the beginning."

Craig put his glass down and took your hand. "You do NOT have to tell me all this Jo."

"I know but...I...I want to. I need to talk about it before it drives me crazier than I already am and like I said...I feel comfortable with you."

The sweet smile came back. "Well, for the record my dear girl, you're not crazy."

He patted your hand and sat back with his wine. "Alright...fire away sweetheart."

"Well, I'll make it as short as possible because as much as I need to talk about it, I don't care to....but maybe if I confront it, the nightmares will stop...maybe even my fears will lessen or go away completely. Jason told me that once."

"Well, if anyone would know about that, it would be him."

"SO..." you began with a heavy sigh. "Once I found out who Peter truly was as a person, I immediately broke off the short and very stupid fling I had with him, but he wouldn't let me cut him loose. There was a bad storm and I was at Gerry's, who was at work. I remember the power had went out and the next thing I knew, I woke up in a dark space that I could hardly move in and it was hard to breathe. The air was tight and I...I could smell the chloroform that Peter used on me. I began to panic as the thunder shook and pounded the cold metal beneath me and then...I felt the vibration of my cell. It was in my pocket and not only was I surprised that Peter missed it, but that there was even a signal inside there. I was able to maneuver myself just enough to pull it out. It was Gerry and answered and told him I didn't know where I was but I was able to describe just enough to him before Peter yanked me out and grabbed my phone.

He wasn't angry, but more in a panic himself and it wasn't because of the phone. It was because I then realized I was in a fucking morgue and I started crying, but I was too weak from the chloroform to get up.

He stood over me and said I had to be quiet or his father would kill us both since Faison hated anything and anyone that involved Jason and he considered me a betrayal by Peter. I guess Faison's father owned the funeral home which was counties away from Salem and he used it for refuge. Peter's plan was to ride the storm out there and then take me away to another country but he didn't expect his father to be there. He told me he was sorry for what he did but he knew I'd never come willingly. He then said I'd have to stay in the drawer until he could figure something out and he put me back in it and said he'd be back soon....but he never came back. I couldn't open it from the inside and I was running out of air and then....I woke up, choking for air in Gerry's arms. I never saw Peter again until the night I was shot and he was finally caught."

Craig stood up and began pacing and ranting with that one little vein popping out of his reddened forehead. "That son of a bitch, waste of space motherfucker! He should have never made it to prison. I always believed Jason would track him down, but the snake always slithered through the cracks. They need a death penalty for kidnapping! Believe me you, there will be no jail time for who took my daughter! I'll be judge, jury and executioner....the grim fucking reaper!"

As Craig turned to make another round of angry steps, you were right there to stop him, placing your hands on his. "Hey...try to calm down before you get a stroke or something."

"Calm down? Jo, all I see is red right now. I can't even imagine what you must have went through but seeing the attack you had last night sure says a lot and now I can't get the image out of my head of how frightened Blaise must be. She's only 4 for fuck's sake and she's with someone she don't know. What will this do to her?? I mean, this happened to you a long time ago and it still affects you."

"But that's the thing Craig. She's so young. There's a good chance she will forget it over time and who knows? Maybe she does know them and she's not scared at all? IF it's Ethan, do you really think he would hurt her?"

"Maybe not, but it doesn't stop my brain from imagining the worst."

"I know. Ughhhh, if I just would have told you right away where she was, you'd have her here right now."

Craig released a breath full of tension and then became calm as he fixed his blues on your teary eyes. "Once again, this is not your fault sweetheart. You had your own shit going on. I'm going to say this one last time and I want you to hear me ok? I don't blame you and I do not think you did it because I kept Jason a secret from you and I am so sorry that I ever accused you of that in the first place. I was out of my mind with grief and 3 bottles of wine."

"THAT you were." you lightly chuckled.

"AND...even then, after how horribly and unforgivably cruel I was to you, you stayed right there and tried to help me. Why...why couldn't we have met sooner?"

A mutual moment of gazing silence occurred and his hand came up, letting his fingertips lightly trace your neck as he pushed your hair back from your shoulder.

"W...what are doing?" you asked as you nervously angled your shoulder away from him.

"Just admiring a very beautiful vision."

You felt your body involuntarily tingle from his touch. He was so close, you could smell the sweet wine on his warm breath and then, maybe it was fate or a sign when the next thing you smelled was burning bacon.

You jumped back, staring at the smoking skillet. "Oh shit, Craig. You forgot about the bacon!"

As he ran to take it off the stove, you just stood there in severe mental anguish, thinking of how the same thing happened with you and Lee more than once when you had became lost in each other.

"Welp, those little piggies went to the market and back again." he jested as he came back to you, noticing how you were fighting back tears. "Hey, what's wrong love?"

You went right for the robe and put it on as you told a white lie. "Oh, uh...n..nothing. It's just the smoke. Burns my eyes."

Craig saw right through the lie. "Seems it is burning more than your eyes. I um...I better get back and let you go about your day. Sorry about the bacon. I'll buy you some more."

"No, don't be sorry." you softly laughed and meant what you said next with a passion. "It's just bacon."

His eyes were sad as he smiled. "Oky doky. I'll...see you later or whenever. And please, whatever you do, please do not go see Peter. It's what he wants and it will just cause you more pain."

"Hey!" you shouted as he turned to leave and pulled him back to hug him. "Thank you. Thank you for what you did. Staying by my side and all. You saved me Craig. I will never forget that."

Shocked like he was that day in the brush when you hugged him, he allowed his arms to return the embrace, only a little bit tighter than before. "You're welcome sweetheart. Just don't forget me either."

He released you, softly stroked your cheek as he smiled and then left.

Once Craig closed his apartment door behind him, his entire demeanor changed. He hurled his jacket across the room, opened another bottle of wine and took out his phone to make a call.

After a few hours of moping in your bed, you retrieved some luggage from your car, took a rust free shower, ate three bowls of honey nut cheerios and a banana, then sat down with the last of Craig's wine and your laptop to release some feelings on your Facebook, in hopes that Lee would see it since he was dismissing your texts and calls.

But as you opened your profile, one thing stuck out to you like a sore thumb. Your relationship status now said single. Immediately, you went to his profile and it said the same and not only that, he had unfriended you.

That knife that was lodged in your heart was ripped all the way out and thrashed right back back in. "Oh my god! You've got to be joking Lee!!"

You slammed the laptop shut and gulped down your wine, but when you went to refill your glass, the bottle was empty and you didn't have any more so now, you stared at it, contemplating if you should go ask Craig for another bottle...or maybe share one with him instead. Why not? You were now single.

Don't fear the reaper eerily echoed through Craig's studio as he poured his wine and gave a merciless command to Jeffrey. It was simple and straight to the point, for Craig was in no mood for chit chat and Jeff knew it. The mobster mostly known as Negan and sometimes John, comfortably kicked back in the chair, intrigued and enthralled, diligently listening as his hazel hues deviously slitted. He was all up for the job.

"It's time for Peter August to be handled. Make it as painful as possible. Fix him." he casually expressed with a matching smile, then knocked back his wine and left the room.

Three minutes of dozing off was just enough to invite the bad dreams right in and prove to you that talking about your traumas only made them worse. Once again, you were back in the cold, black box as the grim reaper slowly stole your breath, waiting for you to take his hand and suddenly, there was panting Peter towering over you, swearing it would be you and him forever. You could still smell his sweat.

Saved by the beep of your phone, you gasped awake. It was Jeffrey, who paused at your door, wanting to stop and talk to you in person, but he had arrangements to make, for Craig's directive wasn't going to be a simple task to pull off. Not even for him.

"Hey darlin. Sorry, something came up. Tail light and the hunting trip will have to wait. Hope you're ok. You never texted me back. talk soon. - J"

"Ok. and I'm fine. Just busy." you quickly replied and then with a spur of the moment decision, you grabbed your keys, feeling that maybe you needed to face the trauma instead.

Lee gulped down his go to Red Bull and hopped in the shower, running late for work due to his late night of consuming the wicked whiskey. Three hours sleep was all he managed to get as he had tossed and turned, unable to erase the vision of your face when he told you goodbye in the cemetery. And then there was Peter. He had seen him walk up to his parent's graves and just stood there....laughing, over and over and over.

He scrubbed faster and harder as the anxiety clawed at him from the inside out. In an effort to kill it, he cranked the water to a scalding temperature. When you had told him Peter wanted you to go see him, it was like someone had thrown red paint in his face because red was all he could see. Peter wasn't responsible for what happened to his parents, but he despised him nonetheless and he wanted him to pay and his idea of that was for Peter to be reunited with his father and brother in hell.

As he finished rinsing the soap from his overly heated skin, he heard laughter again, but this time....it was Jacob's. He spun around and stood frozen.

"J..Jacob? Is that you buddy?"

Silence then filled the bathroom except for the sound of the shower. As he turned to shut it off, Lee witnessed rust water pouring all over his chest. Gasping and yelling, he jumped back, frantically swatting it off of his body. "What the fuck!!"

He quickly shut it off and just stood there, watching the red water swirl down the drain as he remembered you telling him about experiencing the same thing. Was Jacob trying to tell him something just as you had believed he was?

His entire plans for the day had now changed. Lee was no longer going to work. He hated the place anyways and could not have cared less if he was fired. There was somewhere else he wanted...needed...had to go. Someone he needed to finally see face to face and settle the score.

"See you in hell Sam." he whispered to his reflection in the mirror and went on his way.

@redeemer46

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