#warning: sad content

[eri-pl]

Announcement: Silm Advent calendar

OK, so you know how Advent calendars work, right? I imagine it's a known thing, not only for Christians, because every chocholate making company makes them and supermarkets shove them in people's faces.

Anyway in case you don't: You have a box with 24 (or whatever amount of days depending on the year) slots, and each day you open the one with the day's date and there's a small treat in there.

So I'll be posting something like this. Every day there'll be a scheduled post (not all on the same hour) with a title "Silm Advent calendar [day]" and a "read more". And under the "read more" there'll be a small treat for y'all.

They are all already scheduled.

All treats are entirely SFW: The images are mostly kid-appropriate (some have too much fire for small kids, also: quality may vary). The texts are… if you're old enough to use Tumblr, they're age-appropriate four you. Not all would beappropriate for, say, a 7yo because sometimes there's a little violence or cursing. Some are very fluffy, some are sad or somewhat ominous. Also, they are related to the Silm, so the implications/context are sometimes much, much darker (or lighter). All potential triggers are hopefully tagged and listed, please let me know if I missed something. The quality may vary too (but hey, they're proofread, we die like Men!)(well ok they aren't proofread that well obviously. But they are proofread) which is still something.

They aren't necessarily 100% consistent with each other or other stuff I wrote, but there are some connections.

So:

Silm Advent calendar 1: Day

Warnings: teenager PoV in late Númenor and he's not even Faithful. No triggering details, but it's late Númenor.

Too young.

Too young to sail with everyone. (They really meant "not good enough", didn't they? Not good enough with the ship, with the ropes, with the sword, with the lessons, with anything. It's not like there's an age limit after all.)

The air is thick, too hot for the season and the street is black. The soot stains Zâinathôr's new shoes.

Too young to sail, not good enough to sail and to return with the glory of immortal lands. (Will they all be immortal when they come back, or just the important ones? Or just the ones who fought best against the jealous, lying "lords" who claim those lands?)

Not enough and now they're probably fighting already and Zâinathôr has to wash a damned wall like a peasant, because some traitor had vandalized it—again—with strange, wicked letters. Is it a threat? Is it a curse? Hopefully even if it is, it will befall on the broom, or on the wet cloth on it, not on Zâinathôr. He mutters luck-bringing proverbs just in case.

His life is cursed enough already. The younger son, and also the less gifted one. Too young to sail.

They'd been gone for over a month and yesterday the abandoned island shook without its king. Will they ever return home? Or will they bask in the immortal glory and leave the weak ones waiting forever?

Zigûr has stayed, but the island doesn't seem to care. Or maybe he does not care. The black smoke rises into the sky, but it changes nothing, except the state of walls and streets. Apparently the rebels don't care either.

Zâinathôr smears the watered down paint in all directions, now it's dark from the soot, but the hourglass and the curse are still visible below the black. Why do those people want everyone to die? What has anyone even do to them? Well, except killing then, but, damn, they started it! They tried to usurp the king. Zâinathôr curses them quietly, unsure if he's more angry about the murder plots or about the stubborn unreadable vandalism.

It's been over five weeks already, maybe five and a half. Hopefully when the King defeats the cowards who live in the west, the traitors would finally understand that they can't win and go away or... something. And leave Zâinathôr and his friends alone.

The street beneath his feet vibrates with a low murmur again, and he continues washing. His thoughts are already at next week's play. What should he wear?

It gets darker. Why do those damned clouds always have to appear when he needs to see clearly? Even in the dimmed light, the paint on the wall is still visible, despite all the washing. The only difference is that now large part of the wall is black.

For a moment Zâinathôr wonders again what those words mean. Something nasty, that's for sure. Better no not think about it. (The air smells of fire.)

He'll wear the sea-blue tunic. It will look better in this weather.

[runeclangen]

Moon 2-1

Joy and Whimsy! Brought to you by: Foalkit! The first page in a while where Flintpaw isn't actively on the brink of breaking down.

Previous | First | Next Read on comicfury!

Every time I draw Flintpaw she gets a little more off-model lmao– I'm gonna,,, work on improving that. Ended up resketching this page entirely because the old layout I had bored me so much I almost considered taking another hiatus. I think it was worth it in the end to redo it!!

I also gotta,,, make a proper ref for Foalkit because her design has changed from the first post I made

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Detectives at the Disco (Elysium)

[showyoumyfavoriteobsession]

TJ MIKELOGAN’S HALLOWEEN 2024 EVENT Day 31: Wildcard - non-film horror media

Sad Sack (2019-2020, barbatus and meanboss)

[1ii1ii1ii]

Poem #3 - "Where Silence Bled"

Content Warning :: Self-harm

. . .

My heart was glass, my body thin as page

It shattered, and I carved myself with rage.

No scream escaped, just crimson rain,

A lullaby of quiet pain.

I wasn’t seeking death, not quite

Just proof I still could feel the night.

When voices dulled and colors fled,

I found my truth in shades of red.

Each line I drew, a silent prayer,

For someone, anyone, to care.

But pity stings and help felt far

So I stitched comfort into scars.

You’d call it madness, weakness, shame

But never spoke my broken name.

The ache, it echoed, sharp and wide

And I just needed me to cry.

I’m not a poem, clean and neat

I’m shattered glass beneath your feet.

Still walking through the shards I’ve made,

And bleeding just to not fade.

. . .

if you or a loved one is struggling with self-harm, please get help right away. you are NOT alone.

[sysig]

Wuh oh (Patreon)

Bonus:

The novel experience of being crushed by a giant rock, a visual metaphor

[piningpebbles]

the dream smp journey: attempting to make the lore of the dream smp more accessible.

so back when i first wanted to get into the dream smp i had absolutely no idea where to start. i asked some people and they told me pretty much “look up dream smp + [insert youtuber name] and start there” and so i did, but i quickly came to realize how much i was missing from the story by not seeing all the different points of view.

so i decided to make my own playlist.

it was just for myself at first, but as i got more obsessed with the story, i also gave the link to some friends of mine so they could have the full experience, and they loved it. so i kept updating it.

my goal was to try and make a capsule of the entirety of the lore on the dream smp across almost every single POV, because while i do appreciate those who make recap videos, they always miss something and it’s usually with peoples’ POV who aren’t considered to be “main characters” which sucks because one of my favorite things about the dream smp was how everyone was their own main character with their own individual storyline you could get invested in.

i’ve seen every single video in the playlist, and did my absolute best to discern what should be included and what didn’t need to be. 

for instance, while i personally enjoyed streams where they’d just goof off, this is a lore-centric playist so i didn’t include all of them unless one of the jokes or such gets mentioned/becomes important later on. or if there is a lore event happening but two people have almost identical streams to one another then i decided between the two of them which one to keep. or if the cc themself made an edited version of their experience, i would decide whether to go with that or keep the original vod

it’s far from perfect. i tried to keep up with it as long as i could I STILL HAVE VIDEOS IN MY WATCH LATER THAT I PLANNED TO ADD but simply put while the dream smp storyline got longer and longer it became harder to keep up with. i watched pretty much all the streams when they happened but failed to update the playlist accordingly so right now it has almost everything up until ”Hitting on 16.”

i always wanted to finish it before i posted it, but i’ve been seeing people talk about how they miss the experience of watching the dream smp and while i obviously can’t provide the full interactive experience that the dream smp offered as it came out, i knew i couldn’t just keep this in my back pocket and thought i could at least offer a good chunk of the experience for you guys to still be able to keep!

here’s the playlist, spanning over 300 videos.

there’s also a semi-canon playlist (not nearly as thorough) for events that get mentioned by the cc’s a lot or are just cool to have and i wanted to include them somewhere so here it is also!!

to go along with it i also made a masterpost (can you tell i love making lists) which is what every single video on the playlist is supposed to be (and was last i checked, but videos get taken down every so often so there might be a couple missing here and there).

i hope to update this one day and have it fully finished, but with my schedule (full-time college student babyyyy) and simply the hundreds of hours of content i’d need to sift through it just seems impossible (and frankly just really intimidating) to challenge alone right now. so i also wanted to give this to the community to maybe be able to do what i couldn’t!

my hope with this is that if someone in a year or two (or whenever really) is interested in the dream smp they won’t have to sit through recap videos and instead can watch the real thing in a single playlist connected to the doc. my dream is for the masterpost and the playlist to go hand-in-hand, being like a guide people can follow that would also link to other moments and lore that is saved but just not avaliable on youtube, so we don’t have all these moments just lost to time.

i want to make this collaborative, i’m hoping this will maybe spark others to share what videos/moments they have saved and stored with each other for the dream smp and maybe together we could complete this thing somehow!! make the playlist and masterpost i dreamed of (the one right now is scuffed, but at least it’s something). the dream smp is one of my absolute favorite pieces of media out there and i want to share this with people but (as you can probably tell) i have no idea what i’m doing!! any step to help make the story more readily accessible is a good one, though!

i know i’ve missed things but i’ve done my best. and while not the perfectly polished thing i hoped it would be when i sent it out to the world maybe it could be a good building block for the community to use. so please share this!! reblog it!! all that jazz!! i want this to be for everyone!!

anyways, this is a long post. but the whole reason i got into the dream smp in the first place was because of the awesome fan content i saw and this crazy and creative community and i want to be able to give back, if i can.

[angelosearch]

Okay fam, how do we think Raine died? And please let me know if it's been word-of-god'ed somewhere. I don't think I've ever seen it.

I have a thought. I wouldn't even call it a theory because I have virtually no evidence to support it. It's more like... what I would find interesting.

I'm overthinking a 25-year-old videogame again...

Lil bit of a trigger warning here... Mention of some severe impacts of mental illness.

Honestly, I hate the "died in childbirth" thing. It's just... vague. Uninteresting. I don't know, kind of lazy. Okay, maybe she did die as a side effect of having Squall, but how? There's more than one way to die in childbirth.

And I am not saying dying in childbirth is unrealistic--it definitely is realistic, unfortunately--but I kind of hate how introducing a pregnant character and then killing them is always joined with the (again VERY BROAD) concept of "dying in childbirth."

Maybe it's just because I'm a Star Wars fan and Padme's death ruined me for "died in childbirth" as a suitable end for a pregnant character. I also just get annoyed in general how frequently pregnancy and childbirth in sci-fi/fantasy media is seen as something alien or bad or the end of a character. There's so many episodes where pregnancy is used as a parasitic plot point. I could go on.

And how often a mother is just killed off with "died in childbirth" off screen... It's just lazy! It's like saying a guy died because he "went off to war." Is it realistic? Sure. But specifics, backstory, please!!

But like!! These women have already done the incredible act of carrying a child, sometimes through war zones and major stressors, or, in Raine's case, while completely alone and waiting for her husband to come back from saving her adoptive daughter. If she "had" to die (at least in the eyes of the writers) immediately after Squall is born, I want her to have a death more specific to her character and more interesting overall! Also, it would be nice if she had SOME time with our little baby Squall, no matter the circumstances... Now, the way I think about Raine's death isn't exactly a nice way to die (if there is a such thing), but I think it would be enough to lock her ghost in Winhill. And, again, I think it gives her plot a realism that I want it to have.

Here is where I launch into some pretty reaching headcanons so... buckle up.

So Squall, we can all agree, exhibits signs of depression. He's able to push through it, because lots of us depressed people adapt to do that, but he definitely does. From what I know about therapy and psychology, I'd also say he has C-PTSD but that's another story.

But I'd like to propose that Squall is not just depressed, but potentially even bipolar.

Now, the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for bipolar disorder requires at least one manic episode followed by a depressive episode or hypomania. I don't believe Squall has ever experienced mania... But the thing about bipolar disorder is that a lot of times, it presents as depression until it isn't anymore. And for some individuals, that moment doesn't come until their late 20s or older. Hell, treating depression is sometimes what reveals the underlying disorder: Sometimes SSRIs trigger mania in bipolar patients.

I could see him experiencing hypomania, though. Accidentally training for 12 hours straight, racing thoughts, extreme agitation.

What we do see in the game is risk-taking behaviors, racing thoughts, anxiety, disregulated mood, feelings of worthlessness, difficulty sleeping, isolation... These are symptoms of C-PTSD, but ALSO bipolar disorder.

(which, his history of trauma makes him more vulnerable to bipolar disorder as well)

I will admit, I hc Squall this way because I see myself in him, and I was a high-functioning depressed person who had my first manic episode in my late 20s. But what I figure is, while he was probably never written to be bipolar, there's nothing in the game that completely refutes it.

ANYWAY, bipolar disorder is hereditary. It's not only hereditary, but it plays a part.

So here we go, this is the end I have in mind for Raine, and it's not a happy end, but I think it's realistic and I think it's worth representing in media. Trigger warning.

I think Raine was bipolar. We don't see enough of her in the game to know, but if Squall is (in my head) she might be too. I think she had a complicated pregnancy and that Ellone being kidnapped and Laguna leaving (reasonably) put her under a lot of stress. Any symptoms she had under control with medication/therapy/etc. probably flared. Who knows if she had her same access to resources, seeing that Laguna was gone.

I think, maybe, she suffered from postpartum psychosis. She might have had a few good days, weeks with Squall until things got bad. It would have been terrifying for her, and the people of Winhill, the delusions, the hallucinations. I can't imagine there is a doctor in Winhill that can help with that. And maybe, one of those hallucinations led her to her end.

Such a terrible death likely would have traumatized the people of Winhill, who we know cared deeply about her. Maybe they sent Ellone away so she'd never know; maybe they sent Squall away because he was too much of a reminder.

Thus ends my very sad Raine's death head canon.

My next long project may involve tackling this kind of stuff. I love writing/researching mental health!!

[bbygrlmarkscout]

I've watched the reintegration scene SEVEN TIMES now and I still get full body chills from it..

The slight change in his voice when he says "you mean what quarter?" is INSANE!!! Ever so slightly more child-like and higher in pitch than all his previous answers ... Fucking 😭 And then the editing.. how was his posing so precise despite the costume changes ?? The precision angles and exact same expressions. The scene and episode ending with the phrase "who are you?" The same phrase that starts the show?? (And again when Mark first meets Reghabi)

SHOCK. AWE. WONDER.

[dreamofstarlight]

Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy - The Prophecy by Taylor Swift

[turtleations]

KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 3 Part 6 & 7 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5

31 December 1997, X’s breakup concert

From ‘95 onward, me and Shishô both were busy with our own respective activities, but as X’s breakup live on 31 December 1997 drew near, we once again met every day.

By this point, I wasn’t a staff member of X anymore, but when Shishô asked me, “KUMA, join us for this last time, please”… Until the day of the concert, we did everything together.

Due to the circumstances surrounding their Last Live, it was rare for all the band members to be at the rehearsals together, and so it came that I was the one to sing there as a substitute vocalist.

I still have that image in my head.

“KUMA, sing, sing!”

Shishô face and the way he moved his chin as he gave me instructions are still clear before my eyes.

It was just then, at that time, that I started to understand just how great TOSHI-san was as a vocalist.

I had done vocals before, but getting through those rehearsals feeling the greatness, and also the difficulty, of X’s songs… “X’s songs are completely different from what you hear, and performing them live is so difficult, I can’t even sing them normally.” That’s genuinely how I felt.

Another thing that left a deep impression on me in all this was harmonizing with Shishô on the song “SCARS” that HIDE-san had written.

On the morning of the day of the breakup concert, I went to pick HIDE-san up at this home. This is what HIDE-san said to me then, when it was just him and me in the room:

“X is definitely going to come back in the year 2000. Therefore, KUMA, make sure you’ll be able to sing X’s songs properly (for that time).”

That he talked about me singing for X was a joke, of course.

Shishô was contradictory like that… In a difficult situation, he would deliberately say things that distracted from the matter at hand.

So am I sure that this time was also extremely difficult for him.

Later, when I talked to YOSHIKI-san about it, he told me the same thing: “X will definitely reunite in 2000!!! Me and HIDE-chan promised we would.” So I have no doubt that the members were really planning to do that.

To Shishô, X was the most important thing.

As his solo work became his main focus and with those activities bringing good results, the public as well as the staff were requesting “more of hide’s solo work!!”

Still, X was always his priority.

HIDE-san’s solo activities had become a phenomenon on par with X.

But if you said so to the man himself, he would tell you, “I would have quit music if it weren’t for YOSHIKI. So the guitarist of X is what I am.”

Therefor, the breakup concert on 31 December 1997 must have been a very emotionally taxing time for him.

He loved X that much.

As for myself, that day was… Witnessing the disbandment of X, the band I had watched for so long, from the wings of the stage… I remember well that my feelings were so complicated that I could not put them into words.

And then the devastation of TOSHI-san and YOSHIKI-san embracing each other during “Forever Love”. Shishô couldn’t hold back his tears.

Later, Shishô said something about these lines to me:

“What they did hadn’t been planned… But, in that moment it felt like X had finally become one, in the end.“

After the breakup concert

After the concert at the dome, on the morning of 1 January 1998, I remember taking Shishô, who was like an empty shell, home.

A few days later he got into contact with me, asking, “What are you up to?”

At that time, Shishô was shooting the promotional video for “ROCKET DIVE”, and he invited me to come visit the set. When I got there, I was told, “KUMA, when we’re done, let’s go for a drink,” and with a grin he asked me, “It’s Sunday, but can you find us a place where we can drink until morning?” So I searched and searched, and then, I remember, five or six of us went to drink at a 24-hour bar in Minami-Aoyama.

“ROCKET DIVE” was the first single of “hide with Spread Beaver”, but… I think instead of using hide as before, they used this name because they didn’t want to make all of the fans sad.

Shishô may have talked about this in an interview, but HIDE-san always put the feelings of his fans first, and he always said, “When I was little, I felt really betrayed when my favorite band broke up, and sad. So I didn’t want to make my own fans feel the same way.” That’s why he named it “hide with Spread Beaver” as if it were a band name, even though it was a solo project.

The reason why “hide with Spread Beaver” was announced in a full-page add in the Asahi Shinbun newspaper on the day after the disbandment live (New Year’s Day 1998) was actually out of consideration for the feelings of the fans.

Announcing your solo activities on the day after your band broke up… One could see that as a risky move, right? There was a chance it would leave a bad impression with people.

But hide-san was thinking, “I want to make sure not one single person feels lost after the breakup of X.”

He also said after releasing his CD, “I want to do what I can, so won’t you let me do interviews and such? No matter how small a thing, I’ll do it, since I’m a newcomer,” and he kept moving forward.

I had long since separated from X and HIDE-san to focus on my own band activities, but after “hide with Spread Beaver” was started, I helped out around HIDE-san for half a month.

That said, other than in the past, he had a solid management and staff, so even as I joined them I was very worried how I could help out without disturbing the staff that was already there...

Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2

[rambunctioustoons]

They tell you. Over and over, they don't have Sun or Moon's memories. Yet here they are, mumbling phrases all too familiar. In a voice that's not reminiscent at all.

eclipse / reader

[rollercoasterwords]

ch 22 is up <3

[ayara-resara]

.

[lichtbrenger]

ever realise these two are the First Piners. the first to pine. they literally invented pining but like literally. also true love i guess now that im thinking abt it. huge win for bisexuals everywhere

[zer0notfound]

CW; Bruises and Implied Child Abuse

"YOU NEVER EVEN CAME TO SEE ME AFTER" "I- I DID! I WANTED TO!!... But you know how he was.." "That's the difference between you and I. I came to pick you up.. even if I would get into trouble." "I tried to… I did my best. I would sit outside your door and- I've been dragged away from your room more times than I can count." "Some good that does, huh?.. Its funny how much I don't believe that.."

HI SO I FORGOT TO POST THIS YESTERDAY- SORRY!! Mini Lore drop; Day 6 was an OC's past and rather than just.. drawing a bunch of my Oc's as kids- I drew these two! In Universe, these twins are the most important characters. Zal and Am represent Chaos and Order, two things needed to keep the world running. In this picture, they're in their early teens (in demon years) and it was simply another night for them under their tyrannical and abusive father... He did everything in his power to try and break the twin's bond and as we see in the future (or the text above) he was successful to a degree...