#warning: sad content

[eri-pl]

Announcement: Silm Advent calendar

OK, so you know how Advent calendars work, right? I imagine it's a known thing, not only for Christians, because every chocholate making company makes them and supermarkets shove them in people's faces.

Anyway in case you don't: You have a box with 24 (or whatever amount of days depending on the year) slots, and each day you open the one with the day's date and there's a small treat in there.

So I'll be posting something like this. Every day there'll be a scheduled post (not all on the same hour) with a title "Silm Advent calendar [day]" and a "read more". And under the "read more" there'll be a small treat for y'all.

They are in vast majority already scheduled.

All treats are entirely SFW: The images are mostly kid-appropriate (some have too much fire for small kids, also: quality may vary). The texts are… if you're old enough to use Tumblr, they're age-appropriate four you. Not all would beappropriate for, say, a 7yo because sometimes there's a little violence or cursing. Some are very fluffy, some are sad or somewhat ominous. Also, they are related to the Silm, so the implications/context are sometimes much, much darker (or lighter). All potential triggers are hopefully tagged and listed, please let me know if I missed something. The quality may vary too (but hey, they're proofread, we die like Men!)(well ok they aren't proofread that well obviously. But they are proofread) which is still something.

They aren't necessarily 100% consistent with each other or other stuff I wrote, but there are some connections.

So:

Silm Advent calendar 1: Day

Warnings: teenager PoV in late Númenor and he's not even Faithful. No triggering details, but it's late Númenor.

Too young.

Too young to sail with everyone. (They really meant "not good enough", didn't they? Not good enough with the ship, with the ropes, with the sword, with the lessons, with anything. It's not like there's an age limit after all.)

The air is thick, too hot for the season and the street is black. The soot stains Zâinathôr's new shoes.

Too young to sail, not good enough to sail and to return with the glory of immortal lands. (Will they all be immortal when they come back, or just the important ones? Or just the ones who fought best against the jealous, lying "lords" who claim those lands?)

Not enough and now they're probably fighting already and Zâinathôr has to wash a damned wall like a peasant, because some traitor had vandalized it—again—with strange, wicked letters. Is it a threat? Is it a curse? Hopefully even if it is, it will befall on the broom, or on the wet cloth on it, not on Zâinathôr. He mutters luck-bringing proverbs just in case.

His life is cursed enough already. The younger son, and also the less gifted one. Too young to sail.

They'd been gone for over a month and yesterday the abandoned island shook without its king. Will they ever return home? Or will they bask in the immortal glory and leave the weak ones waiting forever?

Zigûr has stayed, but the island doesn't seem to care. Or maybe he does not care. The black smoke rises into the sky, but it changes nothing, except the state of walls and streets. Apparently the rebels don't care either.

Zâinathôr smears the watered down paint in all directions, now it's dark from the soot, but the hourglass and the curse are still visible below the black. Why do those people want everyone to die? What has anyone even do to them? Well, except killing then, but, damn, they started it! They tried to usurp the king. Zâinathôr curses them quietly, unsure if he's more angry about the murder plots or about the stubborn unreadable vandalism.

It's been over five weeks already, maybe five and a half. Hopefully when the King defeats the cowards who live in the west, the traitors would finally understand that they can't win and go away or... something. And leave Zâinathôr and his friends alone.

The street beneath his feet vibrates with a low murmur again, and he continues washing. His thoughts are already at next week's play. What should he wear?

It gets darker. Why do those damned clouds always have to appear when he needs to see clearly? Even in the dimmed light, the paint on the wall is still visible, despite all the washing. The only difference is that now large part of the wall is black.

For a moment Zâinathôr wonders again what those words mean. Something nasty, that's for sure. Better no not think about it. (The air smells of fire.)

He'll wear the sea-blue tunic. It will look better in this weather.

[tofixtheshadows]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.

Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.

Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.

Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.

I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.

He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).

First, we get this:

Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.

They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.

It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.

We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.

What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?

He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.

In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.

Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!

...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.

Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.

And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.

I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.

And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.

Meals are the privilege of the living.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Detectives at the Disco (Elysium)

[emmaeatingdis0rd3r]

WHY DO MEN EXPECT YOU TO STAY SKINNY BUT GET ANNOYED WHEN YOU ORDER LOW CALORIE FOODS

Oh you want me to be visually appealing but eat a mcdonald's large meal with you twice a week? Sure, I'll just not eat the rest of the time so I don't annoy you with my "rabbit food" you entitled prick

[showyoumyfavoriteobsession]

TJ MIKELOGAN’S HALLOWEEN 2024 EVENT Day 31: Wildcard - non-film horror media

Sad Sack (2019-2020, barbatus and meanboss)

[sysig]

Wuh oh (Patreon)

Bonus:

The novel experience of being crushed by a giant rock, a visual metaphor

[piningpebbles]

the dream smp journey: attempting to make the lore of the dream smp more accessible.

so back when i first wanted to get into the dream smp i had absolutely no idea where to start. i asked some people and they told me pretty much “look up dream smp + [insert youtuber name] and start there” and so i did, but i quickly came to realize how much i was missing from the story by not seeing all the different points of view.

so i decided to make my own playlist.

it was just for myself at first, but as i got more obsessed with the story, i also gave the link to some friends of mine so they could have the full experience, and they loved it. so i kept updating it.

my goal was to try and make a capsule of the entirety of the lore on the dream smp across almost every single POV, because while i do appreciate those who make recap videos, they always miss something and it’s usually with peoples’ POV who aren’t considered to be “main characters” which sucks because one of my favorite things about the dream smp was how everyone was their own main character with their own individual storyline you could get invested in.

i’ve seen every single video in the playlist, and did my absolute best to discern what should be included and what didn’t need to be. 

for instance, while i personally enjoyed streams where they’d just goof off, this is a lore-centric playist so i didn’t include all of them unless one of the jokes or such gets mentioned/becomes important later on. or if there is a lore event happening but two people have almost identical streams to one another then i decided between the two of them which one to keep. or if the cc themself made an edited version of their experience, i would decide whether to go with that or keep the original vod

it’s far from perfect. i tried to keep up with it as long as i could I STILL HAVE VIDEOS IN MY WATCH LATER THAT I PLANNED TO ADD but simply put while the dream smp storyline got longer and longer it became harder to keep up with. i watched pretty much all the streams when they happened but failed to update the playlist accordingly so right now it has almost everything up until ”Hitting on 16.”

i always wanted to finish it before i posted it, but i’ve been seeing people talk about how they miss the experience of watching the dream smp and while i obviously can’t provide the full interactive experience that the dream smp offered as it came out, i knew i couldn’t just keep this in my back pocket and thought i could at least offer a good chunk of the experience for you guys to still be able to keep!

here’s the playlist, spanning over 300 videos.

there’s also a semi-canon playlist (not nearly as thorough) for events that get mentioned by the cc’s a lot or are just cool to have and i wanted to include them somewhere so here it is also!!

to go along with it i also made a masterpost (can you tell i love making lists) which is what every single video on the playlist is supposed to be (and was last i checked, but videos get taken down every so often so there might be a couple missing here and there).

i hope to update this one day and have it fully finished, but with my schedule (full-time college student babyyyy) and simply the hundreds of hours of content i’d need to sift through it just seems impossible (and frankly just really intimidating) to challenge alone right now. so i also wanted to give this to the community to maybe be able to do what i couldn’t!

my hope with this is that if someone in a year or two (or whenever really) is interested in the dream smp they won’t have to sit through recap videos and instead can watch the real thing in a single playlist connected to the doc. my dream is for the masterpost and the playlist to go hand-in-hand, being like a guide people can follow that would also link to other moments and lore that is saved but just not avaliable on youtube, so we don’t have all these moments just lost to time.

i want to make this collaborative, i’m hoping this will maybe spark others to share what videos/moments they have saved and stored with each other for the dream smp and maybe together we could complete this thing somehow!! make the playlist and masterpost i dreamed of (the one right now is scuffed, but at least it’s something). the dream smp is one of my absolute favorite pieces of media out there and i want to share this with people but (as you can probably tell) i have no idea what i’m doing!! any step to help make the story more readily accessible is a good one, though!

i know i’ve missed things but i’ve done my best. and while not the perfectly polished thing i hoped it would be when i sent it out to the world maybe it could be a good building block for the community to use. so please share this!! reblog it!! all that jazz!! i want this to be for everyone!!

anyways, this is a long post. but the whole reason i got into the dream smp in the first place was because of the awesome fan content i saw and this crazy and creative community and i want to be able to give back, if i can.

[angelosearch]

Okay fam, how do we think Raine died? And please let me know if it's been word-of-god'ed somewhere. I don't think I've ever seen it.

I have a thought. I wouldn't even call it a theory because I have virtually no evidence to support it. It's more like... what I would find interesting.

I'm overthinking a 25-year-old videogame again...

Lil bit of a trigger warning here... Mention of some severe impacts of mental illness.

Honestly, I hate the "died in childbirth" thing. It's just... vague. Uninteresting. I don't know, kind of lazy. Okay, maybe she did die as a side effect of having Squall, but how? There's more than one way to die in childbirth.

And I am not saying dying in childbirth is unrealistic--it definitely is realistic, unfortunately--but I kind of hate how introducing a pregnant character and then killing them is always joined with the (again VERY BROAD) concept of "dying in childbirth."

Maybe it's just because I'm a Star Wars fan and Padme's death ruined me for "died in childbirth" as a suitable end for a pregnant character. I also just get annoyed in general how frequently pregnancy and childbirth in sci-fi/fantasy media is seen as something alien or bad or the end of a character. There's so many episodes where pregnancy is used as a parasitic plot point. I could go on.

And how often a mother is just killed off with "died in childbirth" off screen... It's just lazy! It's like saying a guy died because he "went off to war." Is it realistic? Sure. But specifics, backstory, please!!

But like!! These women have already done the incredible act of carrying a child, sometimes through war zones and major stressors, or, in Raine's case, while completely alone and waiting for her husband to come back from saving her adoptive daughter. If she "had" to die (at least in the eyes of the writers) immediately after Squall is born, I want her to have a death more specific to her character and more interesting overall! Also, it would be nice if she had SOME time with our little baby Squall, no matter the circumstances... Now, the way I think about Raine's death isn't exactly a nice way to die (if there is a such thing), but I think it would be enough to lock her ghost in Winhill. And, again, I think it gives her plot a realism that I want it to have.

Here is where I launch into some pretty reaching headcanons so... buckle up.

So Squall, we can all agree, exhibits signs of depression. He's able to push through it, because lots of us depressed people adapt to do that, but he definitely does. From what I know about therapy and psychology, I'd also say he has C-PTSD but that's another story.

But I'd like to propose that Squall is not just depressed, but potentially even bipolar.

Now, the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for bipolar disorder requires at least one manic episode followed by a depressive episode or hypomania. I don't believe Squall has ever experienced mania... But the thing about bipolar disorder is that a lot of times, it presents as depression until it isn't anymore. And for some individuals, that moment doesn't come until their late 20s or older. Hell, treating depression is sometimes what reveals the underlying disorder: Sometimes SSRIs trigger mania in bipolar patients.

I could see him experiencing hypomania, though. Accidentally training for 12 hours straight, racing thoughts, extreme agitation.

What we do see in the game is risk-taking behaviors, racing thoughts, anxiety, disregulated mood, feelings of worthlessness, difficulty sleeping, isolation... These are symptoms of C-PTSD, but ALSO bipolar disorder.

(which, his history of trauma makes him more vulnerable to bipolar disorder as well)

I will admit, I hc Squall this way because I see myself in him, and I was a high-functioning depressed person who had my first manic episode in my late 20s. But what I figure is, while he was probably never written to be bipolar, there's nothing in the game that completely refutes it.

ANYWAY, bipolar disorder is hereditary. It's not only hereditary, but it plays a part.

So here we go, this is the end I have in mind for Raine, and it's not a happy end, but I think it's realistic and I think it's worth representing in media. Trigger warning.

I think Raine was bipolar. We don't see enough of her in the game to know, but if Squall is (in my head) she might be too. I think she had a complicated pregnancy and that Ellone being kidnapped and Laguna leaving (reasonably) put her under a lot of stress. Any symptoms she had under control with medication/therapy/etc. probably flared. Who knows if she had her same access to resources, seeing that Laguna was gone.

I think, maybe, she suffered from postpartum psychosis. She might have had a few good days, weeks with Squall until things got bad. It would have been terrifying for her, and the people of Winhill, the delusions, the hallucinations. I can't imagine there is a doctor in Winhill that can help with that. And maybe, one of those hallucinations led her to her end.

Such a terrible death likely would have traumatized the people of Winhill, who we know cared deeply about her. Maybe they sent Ellone away so she'd never know; maybe they sent Squall away because he was too much of a reminder.

Thus ends my very sad Raine's death head canon.

My next long project may involve tackling this kind of stuff. I love writing/researching mental health!!

[rambunctioustoons]

They tell you. Over and over, they don't have Sun or Moon's memories. Yet here they are, mumbling phrases all too familiar. In a voice that's not reminiscent at all.

eclipse / reader

[dreamofstarlight]

Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy - The Prophecy by Taylor Swift

[rollercoasterwords]

ch 22 is up <3

[lichtbrenger]

ever realise these two are the First Piners. the first to pine. they literally invented pining but like literally. also true love i guess now that im thinking abt it. huge win for bisexuals everywhere

[ghostinthegallery]

Ask game :3 👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

Not a WIP but more of an idea for Orikan and Trazyn in the lead up to biotransference. It would be really depressing (duh, given the subject, but a bummer even by my standards). Just really rough. I might write it, but unlikely. Unless I really need to vent some suffering.

Although I might turn Orikan’s vision into a thing on its own…

[zer0notfound]

CW; Bruises and Implied Child Abuse

"YOU NEVER EVEN CAME TO SEE ME AFTER" "I- I DID! I WANTED TO!!... But you know how he was.." "That's the difference between you and I. I came to pick you up.. even if I would get into trouble." "I tried to… I did my best. I would sit outside your door and- I've been dragged away from your room more times than I can count." "Some good that does, huh?.. Its funny how much I don't believe that.."

HI SO I FORGOT TO POST THIS YESTERDAY- SORRY!! Mini Lore drop; Day 6 was an OC's past and rather than just.. drawing a bunch of my Oc's as kids- I drew these two! In Universe, these twins are the most important characters. Zal and Am represent Chaos and Order, two things needed to keep the world running. In this picture, they're in their early teens (in demon years) and it was simply another night for them under their tyrannical and abusive father... He did everything in his power to try and break the twin's bond and as we see in the future (or the text above) he was successful to a degree...

[weaselbeaselpants]

deaths scenes exclusive go here

[amateur-scribbler]

I want to scream until my throat bleeds, a soul crushing scream that would scare birds from their trees.

That scream will echo with all the numbing pain I feel, whenever I think of how I lost the light in my eyes on the night I learnt what any man could so easily steal.

He knows every sickening moment of that night, he heard every one of my hiccuped cries, and with every painfully slow second, I realised it wasn’t just his hands that gripped my throat tight.

My tears melded with the mantra of pleads for it to stop, the choked words were met by deaf ears and my deep fear; a reception that made my heart drop.

The cold hands kept grabbing at the skin he’d decided he was owed, to these cries his conscience was immune, the entitlement to every curve etched in his frenzied eyes showed.

The sounds of the ocean were so close, she called to me, her pained cries crashed onto the shores that were strewn with stone.

I lost myself in the shell my body became, not my own and certainly not something I could bring myself to call home.

His hands and lips had taken their claim, but here I am, in these bones racked with rotting shame, I remain.

He left no trail of blackened bruises or deep scratches in my skin but, I see it so clearly, scars etched in my every fibre; his hands have left a trail of welting burns and this pain will continue to burn like an all consuming wildfire.

Years have passed but those hands, so calloused and cruel, gave life to a twisted dark bitterness that, with time, only grew.

His hands aren’t yours yet your touch will make my skin crawl, please know it’s because I carry his sins entrenched in my every limb; the pain whispers “this body is not yours, not anymore”.

This shame washes over me, it’s a layer of grime I’ll never clean, caked like dried mud that only I will ever see.

I’m the a type of monster Frankenstein didn’t mean to create, and I hope my cries follow him leaving him entrenched in guilt until he lies lonely in his grave.

I hope when he cleanses his skin, the water is tied to my tears and makes him remember that I’ll haunt him until he scratches out his eyes to stop the memories of every woman he ever made feel this sacred kind of fear.

how the ocean finds her sirens - t.k.o