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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 5 Part 4 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4 - 6 Chapter 5 Part 1 & 2 Part 3

“Unfinished Completion” – Now I can finally talk to HIDE-san

At the end, let us please talk about music once more.

“JET SPARK” and “STARDUST STORY”… the reason why these two songs were suspended without being released even though I had performed them with my own band a few times is that Shishô’s work was just too big, too amazing… When I was not with Shishô, it was like I could not feel anything greater than I had been feeling when I was… I created and destroyed it, created and destroyed, not moving forward at all.

Especially when it came to “STARDUST STORY”, with there being parts where the melody and cords had been created by hide-san in blocks… He probably would have created the rest of the foundation in that way and then completed it in exchanges with me. That’s what I thought, anyway.

Maybe, around this time 11 years ago, he had meant to set up the form and the arrangement at Lake Yamanaka, and then later in the US, to then hand it over to me… Looking back on that time, I can’t help but feel that way…

However, a lot of time has passed since then, I have found a lot of good music in that time, and what Shishô has taught me about structuring and creating a song, I have come to understand my own way…

I suppose the feeling I had back then, that “I will never be able to feel anything greater than I did at that time,” gradually began to change.

As long as I am living a life of working hard in music, just like I always have, I feel that I will definitely regret it if I don’t finish these two songs in my own way… and I feel that that is a heavy obstacle in my path, a wall I absolutely must overcome.

Another thing I’m thinking is that “Shishô would be angry if I failed to complete those two songs.”

“You’re always taking the long way around.”

“You worked so hard to create them.” – I can almost hear Shishô say those words.

When my TV-appearance stirred things up more than 10 years ago, there were very few people who understood what I meant when I said, “In the end, money can’t buy people’s hearts”… So I thought, “Well then, so be it,” and sealed away those two songs along with my treasured memories.

Then, after many years had passed, various opportunities combined with coincidence, and something inside me snapped.

And so I decided to share this “Unfinished Poem”, that I worked on until I was satisfied with it, with Shishô and with the people who loved him.

Even though it is completed, there is no doubt that its state can be described as an “unfinished completion”.

Because I cannot possibly finish it without being able to talk to hide-san and exchange ideas with him. Finishing it now is impossible.

But the next time I meet hide-san, I can’t keep telling him that I can’t give form to these songs. There must be an end to it.

It can’t be allowed to remain incomplete forever.

The next time I meet Shishô, I will definitely finish it!!

“Hey, KUMA. What’s become of that song you were working on?” I would hate to be asked that and have no answer to it.

Until I meet hide-san again, I will put all I have into these songs, even though they won’t be completed before that happens.

So that at the time I reunite with Shishô, he can immediately say, “KUMA, I heard those songs,” and our conversation can start with, “Well, KUMA, here you should do this. Then, let’s do that there.”

To put it bluntly, regardless of how great a producer I work with, regardless of how great an engineer I work with, regardless of how great a studio I work in, at this point, “JET SPARK” and “STARDUST STORY” are still in a state of “unfinished completion”… In the end, I created them for myself.

In the end, it has always been like that, and like that it will always remain, and I think there are a lot of contradictions in my words. I’m sorry.

I want to live a life without regrets forever.

My way of life is determined by the words, “I want to live in service of others,” but those songs are really just for me alone.

And I must pass on the “intention” that hide-san handed over to me under great hardship to the next generation.

At the time of writing this, the songs are not entirely finished.

The arrangement is done, there are just some places left where the lyrics have to be filled in… Taking on a new challenge, there are still some words that don’t fit the melody.

But roughly 90% of the lyrics are still what I wrote more than 11 years ago.

When I listen to them now, neither the music nor the lyrics seem dull in any way, nor are they rusty.

It’s the best.

I was pouring my feelings into it so much that it didn’t feel at all like I was singing a song from long ago.

Also, the presence of Tsuda-san, who was the producer of X during their CBS Sony era, meant a lot to me.

That I got to meet Tsuda-san again was like a dream. Really, Shishô, thank you so much.

Also, I met Miyazaki-san, the person in charge of this project.

If not for that meeting, I do not think this work would have been released.

To all the people, bonds, and connections I made that enabled me to live such an amazing and happy life, I am grateful from the bottom of my heart.

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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 5 Part 3 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4 - 6 Chapter 5 Part 1 & 2

KUMA’s current style, 11 years later

Aside from my activities as an artist, I am currently working as a producer, traveling around the world to discover new bands and produce new artists.

Also, after a certain point, I formed a lot of connections overseas.

Nowadays, Japanese bands are able to give concerts overseas, but I went there with a certain visual kei band back when there was not a lot of demand for them across the ocean. It had been more exciting than I had expected…

After that, I became convinced that not only anime but also visual kei were uniquely Japanese genres that would surely find a big market overseas.

Around that time, I started traveling abroad more frequently… Like that, I was able to gather information more easily, and anything that is going on is getting passed on to me from over there.

From there, I acted as an agent and became a bridge between artists overseas and in Japan.

The biggest markets are the US and Europe, but I also heard that “you can probably create an even bigger market in South America”, and have had many exchanges with agents in Brazil and so on.

It’s been several years since then, but I heard that there had never been a Japanese rock band to perform live in South America… Finding agents and promoters in South America has been really hard.

With things changing rapidly a few times, there was one time when a concert in Brazil was first postpones, then canceled. To make matters worse, I got deceived…

After almost 2 years of back and forth, I was finally able to take “Charlotte”, a band I was producing, to Brazil in November 2007.

This being the first time a Japanese rock band was performing in Brazil, there was quite the uproar from the moment we left the airport.

There were even fans who came all the way from the Amazon which, although still in Brazil, was 3000 kilometers away from Saô Paolo, where the concert was held.

Seeing this scene, I realized, “Oh, there really is a demand for Japanese anime and culture, as well as music.”

In fact, the concerts held in Saô Paolo and Rio de Janero were attended by ten-thousands of people.

In 2008, I was involved in the launch of X’s TOSHI-san’s new band “TOSHI with T-EARTH”, where members of “Charlotte” were also included as first-generation-members, due to my desire to “improve the style of young musicians and pass on what I can to the next generation” overlapping with TOSHI-san’s own wishes…

Time had passed and I, having grown up some since my student days, was able to create something new with TOSHI-san. Really, I got to help TOSHI-san, even though I was probably not good at it.

Also, I once again got to witness the intensity, the awesomeness of TOSHI-san as a vocalist.

Aside from Japan, the project included concerts in South Korea, Brazil, which I had a tight relationship with through a long time of back and forth, as well as Chile, which had only just been opened up as a market. However, there were a few problems with the equipment in the very first country, which made me fully realize the difficulty of working overseas.

Within that, we were given the usual enthusiastic welcome by the people in all of those countries.

The new flow of work this created was challenging, but it also had me enjoy myself a lot.

As always, I wanted to do things that brought joy to our supportive customers… I wanted to create a new legend by challenging the band to do things no one in it had ever done before.

And above all, I wanted to give them the best possible support to create and distribute good music.

If now there are artists who think, “I’m really glad I got to meet KUMA-san,” that is my purpose in life, the thing that may bring be the most happiness…

As I worked in many different circumstances, by no means were there only good things but worries and struggles as well.

Even at times like that, I believe that if I properly teach and clearly explain things to people, they will get something new out of it that will remain with them.

I will pass on to the younger generation the spirit of the scene that was created by their predecessors starting with X… The new thing that our generation has to pass on is a new form of responsibility that we improve and hand over to the next in line.

That is my legacy, I think.

I tell myself this constantly as I get to keep working hard in this world of music.

However, even though I passed on my feelings like that, there are still times when my message is misinterpreted and passed on incorrectly without understanding my true intentions.

To be honest, there are things I feel sad and upset about, but I believe that when enough time has passed, the day will come when I will be understood.

With that in mind, I reflect on it every day and do my best again. It repeats, over and over.

Apparently, now that I have my own company and am active in the music business supporting young musicians, there are people who ridicule me by saying, “KUMA is always taking advantage of X and HIDE.”

To me, that isn’t something that I ever thought of.

When I hear stories like that, it makes me very sad… “How narrow-minded people are,” I think, feeling lonely.

When I am introduced to new people by someone I have worked with long ago or by members of X, it happens sometimes that the names of X or HIDE-san come up, and we end up talking about the past. It’s well known among those I’ve worked with since long ago that I have worked with X and Shishô for a long time and that we were always together… Do people really believe I would take advantage of that…?

The people who understand my personality and my work methods and support me expressed their concern with, “That criticism just comes from them being jealous of KUMA,” or “KUMA-chan, we know for a fact that we can rely on you doing your best.”

The more people are showing concern for me, the more truly grateful I am, but on the other hand it also makes me angry at those who say bad things about me…

Being alive is really hard, and humans are frightening…

But even with such slander I can speak honestly and openly about my memories of HIDE-san and X because of the bond that has been build up over a long time, over years and years.

Because I always have the confidence to face HIDE-san without deception, even if I can’t put things into words or speak in such a way that people can understand.

I think, if I hadn’t found the mindset of “I want to live my life as someone who is of use to others”, I probably wouldn’t have gotten through those 11 years.

Something about my life changed at that time.

Yes, more than 11 years ago, my self was split into two.

And it remains broken, I can’t got back to the way I was. I can’t find the answers.

I’ll probably never find the answer to the difficult question I have been carrying ever since.

Nowadays I can confirm the value of my own existence in this world when someone is happy about or enjoying something I could do, and I see the smile on their face.

I think that is what kept me going.

Chapter 5 Part 4

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KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 5 Part 1 - 2 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4 - 6

Chapter 5: The reasons for my silence – The thoughts behind my work The meaning of carrying on HIDE’s legacy after he was gone

The conflict of a heart that refuses to take a closer look at itself

This happened in December ‘99.

Sports paper, weekly magazines, as well as the morning information program of FUJI-TV, “Tokudane!” were talking extensively about my relationship with Shishô, while also introducing the songs we had worked on together at Lake Yamanaka.

This coverage had been triggered by various people from the office who had known about Shishô and me making those songs asking, “The songs you made together, what’s become of those?”

At the time, Shishô had expressed his concern to me with “I’ll do whatever I can,” and even told me, “You should try to make as many preparations on your own as you can, like releasing your music.”

So as that project was progressing, I received a lot of help from people outside the company regarding the songs with Shishô and how to release them in their best possible form.

One of them was someone with ties to television…

To me, those were days in which I did not have it in me to deal with music at all.

But when this person also said, “Come to think of it, what’s become of those songs you were making together with hide-chan?”, it finally pulled me back to reality.

“Oh, right. I have to properly complete those songs, as I have promised Shishô,” I thought, finally able to regain at least some of my will to face music again. “Shishô has put so much effort into those songs for me, so I really need to push through and finish them for real,” I thought.

The response after the program was tremendous.

At the time of my TV-appearance, the topic was also picked up by weekly magazines and sports papers, where I was described as “hide’s beloved disciple”.

However, the more noise they made about it, the more painfully stubborn I became.

Among those people were those who approached me with nothing but making money on their minds, and also plenty of the kind who present you with cash and privileges.

Once, I was also offered a mind blowing amount of money.

But something told me, “That’s not it, that’s not it…”

The more excited those around me became, the more I felt the opposite, simply thinking, “I just want to talk more about music in order to create cool songs,” and I ended up feeling strongly about this.

A lot of time has passed since them, but when I think about it now, I believe that those tumultuous days were not the right time to release the songs I had created together with Shishô.

It’s been more than 11 years since I parted with Shishô, and more than 10 since the uproar started by the TV-program.

That now I am finally able to get over those feelings and release my memories of Shishô and the songs to the world… I’m sure it’s because of his guidance.

After all, there has been a lot of talk about publishing, but until now, that never went anywhere, and I never went forward with it on my own.

How do I put this… It seems that inside of me there is “a line I absolutely will not cross”.

Even I don’t really understand it, but it seems that there are rules, convictions that have formed for me without me realizing it.

Money is very important and I do understand that I should feel grateful… but in the end, I want to believe that it’s not money that matters, but the heart!!

And that’s why more than 11 years have gone by.

It always went over my head.

When Shishô told me, “You always take the long way around, just make more use of me and get out there faster”…

So even during the turmoil of 10 years ago, he probably would have thought, “You need to get on the wagon with those around you”…

But, I was thinking.

Wasn’t it just because of this exact inability of mine to get things going that I was able to spend months and years so close to Shishô?

Looking back at it makes me emotional… I cannot find the words to express it, but even now, my feelings never changed: That fateful encounter with Shishô meant for me “the most fun I ever had, the happiest I ever was!!”

Also, I cannot help but wonder, after having been guided through various chances as if they were inevitable, if that was not Shishô saying, “I’m worried about KUMA being all alone, so won’t you all lend me your strength…?”, and utilizing those around me when he finally saw me start to move.

And so the next time we meet, I think I can start a conversation with Shisho about his impression of those two songs he finally got to hear.

This is what I will say:

“I did what I could and poured all my thoughts and feelings into this. That’s all I can do. Shishô, what do you think?”

KUMA’s true feelings, as poured into this book, and also into those songs

Here’s the reason why I didn’t go forward with the publication, even though by now it had been talked about plenty of times.

I didn’t want to imply that the book detailing my experiences with Shishô would be one of those “books that reveal all”. The point of this book is to give shape to my own interpretation, my own recollection of my youthful days spend with Shishô.

Since I’m looking back on memories that were long ago, the chronological order of some parts might be a little off, but as I had a close look at those memories, so many rose to the surface that were truly fun, truly filled with laughter, that I could never write them all down.

Really, there were countless episodes like that.

That said, it’s true that I also struggled and suffered together with Shishô, and that there have been conflicts… When I thought about how to portray that, I realized that I didn’t want to write something that would make everyone sad.

Despite his struggles and suffering, Shishô always had kindness and compassion for those around him. Even when he went berserk while drunk, that only happened because he held back as long as he could out of consideration for the others around.

Shishô always thought of the members of X and their families, as well as those that supported them.

If I couldn’t get that across, there has been no point to this book at all.

To me, it means something to release those two songs together: “Jet SPARK”, which was introduced on TV, and “STARDUST STORY”, which is going out into the world for the first time along with this book.

I wanted to release those songs in an environment that allowed me to properly convey their meaning.

I wanted to create a work that the people who keep thinking of Shishô could listen to with a good understanding of the truth…

It may be presumptuous, but I will continue to pass on my message, my memories of Shishô, because even though I am not good at it, I feel like this is the only thing I can do…

For that reason, I am able to grit my teeth and push through.

Because the fact that we got to meet by chance, even though we are not related by blood, are not parent and child, nor siblings, and did not really have any shared interests, is a miracle.

When I think about that, I wonder how I could convey the Shishô I knew the way he was…

Rather than write down many detailed episodes, I thought it best to tell about Shishô’s way of life in a straight and easy to understand manner.

“HIDE-san was that awesome.”

“hide-san was that fun.”

“Hide-san was that kind.”

If I convey it in this form, Shishô’s ideology should certainly be passed on to the younger generations who seek it.

Well, it took me over a decade to come to that decision. During those more than ten years, I think I grew up to some extent… Overcoming various problems and challenges to gradually keep moving forward made me stronger, I believe.

Although, to be honest, there was also a part of this that scared me.

By releasing the episodes and compositions with HIDE-san that I had kept to myself until now to the world, that would become something that I would have to carry for the rest of my life.

My feelings, the things I got from Shishô, my unwavering love, may come across with slightly different nuances when put into words.

And so, it may be taken in a way I did not intent…

Still, I think I want to remain KUMA: Endlessly positive and doing my best.

Also, I want to convey the true nature of Shishô, who never changed whether he was on stage or not, to those who still think about him.

Maybe there are even people who have to cry, reading this book.

But I really hope those aren’t tears of sadness.

I hope from the bottom of my heart that they have to cry because they can feel the deep bond that Shishô left in this world.

Chapter 5 Part 3

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Interview with Nao (heidi. / G)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: Middle school.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: I thought, He’s so cool!

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: Regarding the unlimited freedom of music.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: Eternal artist.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: Mostly through magazines.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: “Beauty & Stupid”. I feel like this song is completely filled with hide-san’s freedom.

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Interview with Hitsugi (Nightmare / G)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: I learned about him in middle school at a friend’s house, through a poster hanging in the room of that friend’s older brother.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: He looked so flashy and like a total delinquent. I also remember having this strange feeling, like he wasn’t even real.

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: To put it in one word: in everything. I never got to meet him in person, but I think that he was a wonderful person, and someone I admire for everything: His talent, his way of thinking, his good taste.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: He is someone I look up to, someone I love, someone I respect, the one who taught me the joy of music, who introduced me to the guitar, the person who is at the root of who I am today.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: In the past I would buy magazines and file the cut-out pages with hide-san, or I would mail order his photo books.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: That is one thing I cannot choose. I’m sorry.

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Interview with Yugiri (Daizy Stripper / Vo)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: When I was in middle school, a classmate tole me, “The jacket of the single “RUSTY NAIL” (X JAPAN) has a nail through the writs,” and I was like, “For real? That’s insane. Show that to me tomorrow!” and then I learned about them by borrowing it.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: Simply put, it was love at first sight. With their exciting visuals and beautiful sound, I found myself completely hooked.

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: To appreciate all our fans. A band can’t exist on its own, it’s all of them being there for us that inspires us, and we’ll really appreciate that forever.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: He’s like a god. Without hide-san I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I respect him with all my heart.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: I used to buy all the magazines that had hide-san or X on the cover.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: “MISERY”. It’s full of hide-san’s kindness and lets me think that I can live strongly. Even now I listen to it on hard days to pick myself up.

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Interview with Miyazaki Ui (voice actress)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: During elementary school. I knew X JAPAN then, but only really got to know hide-san around the time of “ROCKET DIVE”.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: That time when hide-san registered with the bone marrow bank was memorable. The news on TV brought the story of Mayuko-chan and him, and while I had thought him scary because of his appearance, being a child myself, my image of him changed completely with that. There even was a poster on the bulletin board of the building I lived in.

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: I am a voice actress, but I only became one because I was given the courage to believe in my dream and move forwards. Hide-san’s way of life and his music have always given me the necessary push. You could say that I am who I am today because I loved X JAPAN and hide.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: A benefactor… It’s difficult to put into words, but he is a very important, indispensable person to me.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: I became friends with a lot of fans I got information from, and I bought a lot of magazines (laughs).

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: There are so many, I can’t pick one. “MISERY”, “TELL ME”, “DICE”, “ever free”, “Junk Story”, “ROCKET DIVE” – the songs hide-san wrote really have a hold on my heart. “Let’s make the flowers of your dream bloom before they are plucked and wither away” from “DICE”, or the lyrics from “ROCKET DIVE” that say not to just wait! Nothing will happen until your take action yourself! Since I became a fan of hide-san, I’ve changed and become more proactive, with a sense of “Watch me, hide-san!” Going out to do the auditions I have been dreaming of… That I have become a voice actress is really because of hide-san. Of course! I am a fan for life.

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Interview with MarBell

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Note: MarBell was a band with four members. There is no information who is giving the replies here, but according to Wikipedia, their guitarist and producer Tsunoda Takanori was particularly inspired by hide.

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: Fifth year of elementary school.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: The beautiful eyes. ❤ Beautiful face. ❤

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: To live without reservations.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: He seemed warm, like a yutanbo. [Japanese hot water bottle.]

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: Through my older brother.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: “HURRY GO ROUND”. I want to meet him again in the spring.

[turtleations]

Interview with Sugimoto Keiji

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Note: Sugimoto Keiji is the managing director of Backstage Project, who have been involved in the concert production of X since their amateur days.

Note 2: For this interview I am falling back on the “summary” format I have used for all the long interviews so far. Again, much of it is still a rather direct translation.

Note 3: I once again use names and honorifics or lack thereof as used by the people talking.

Sugimoto-san, what was the first meeting between you and HIDE-san?

Did he meet Saver Tiger or X first? It’s been over 20 years, Sugimoto doesn’t remember it all that well. But he probably worked with X when it was only TOSHI and YOSHIKI. Pretty long ago.

What was your impression of Saver Tiger?

He remembers them holding a concert together with Ba-Rra, the band KYO-chan [Note: vocalist, later joined Saver Tiger, best known through D’erlanger] was in. A rock’n’roll band. Today’s visual-kei doesn’t have a lot of rock elements in it, but Saver Tiger was a rock and visual band. So was X. V-Kei were originally hard rock bands that incorporated fashion in order to express themselves.

When did you see X for the first time?

At the live house Urawa Narciss, where they preformed in front of 4 or 5 people. TOSHI was breathing fire and set the ceiling on fire (laughs). Sugimoto had only just started the Backstage Project and wanted to promote artists, so he approached them as potential customers. There were other bands like Red Warriors, but Sugimoto was looking for a band he could work with from the start. Their performance was split into two parts. They got exhausted, took a break, came back. A strange band.

It’s amazing that they could have two parts with only 4 or 5 people in the audience (laughs).

But it was a great concert. Sugimoto had never seen anything like that before. They didn’t advertise it well, though, so he wasn’t sure if it was a live show or a rehearsal.

Did you consider working with them?

At once. X were still amateurs, just like Backstage Project, but Sugimoto’s company can’t be mentioned without bringing up X. There aren’t many people who have worked with them from start to finish. Nor were there many bands Sugimoto was able to be involved with beginning to end.

What was your impression when you first met HIDE-san?

Sugimoto thinks that was when he saw X perform at Live Sation, Rokumeikan, or a live house in Yokohama. He thought HIDE was an amazingly expressive musician. At that time, all the members of X were strong characters, but among them HIDE stood out as fashionable, more like glam rock. YOSHIKI and TOSHI looked radical, but HIDE and TAIJI seemed influenced by bands like T-REX. TOSHI’s image was American, while that of HIDE and TAIJI was English. Add PATA to that and you get a band that gives the impression of 5 people of different influences gathering together.

Were you already doing your job at that time?

They were. They felt they had to do something for X eventually, and the first show they did with them was at Nakano Public Hall. They settled on a one-man show in a 900 seat cabaret hall that no longer exist and worked hard on promoting it. Since they didn’t have staff at that time, Sugimoto and YOSHIKI went to two different magazine publishers for that.

Did YOSHIKI-san go there himself?

At that time, everyone did, because there was no staff for such things. Sugimoto dealt with everyone himself, together with YOSHIKI. That sounds bigger than it was, mostly it was just sorting out dates. This concert at Nakano Public Hall was still memorable, since someone from SONY came to see them and it led to a contract with them.

That was in ‘88, right?

20 years ago (laughs). After making the contract, X was managed by something called “Staff Room Third” within SONY, but with them being a record company at its core, they didn’t really have that much know-how on production. Sugimoto only had experience organizing amateur concerts. So their goal was to work together as a collection of newbies and make a concert that the audience would enjoy. So working on it was easy, but they were facing a bunch of hardships.

What kind of concert was the Nakano Public Hall show?

The audience did the X-jump for the first time, but it was only 4 people jumping (laughs). While the venue had reserved seating, the first 4 rows could be removed for a standing audience, leading to an amazing show. As they became more professional, an increasing number of crazy things they used to do during their indies days, like breathing fire, were not allowed anymore, and it was Sugimoto who had to tell them when they wouldn’t be able to do something. They either listened to him or not. Fighting ensued. Great times. Probably won’t happen again.

Did they breathe fire in Nakano Public Hall?

They didn’t. They used special effects withing the limits set by the fire department. The last time they breathed fire was at Kyoto Sports Valley in September 1988. It was outdoors, so they could do whatever they wanted. What X wanted to do… from smashing the guitars to having 2 people breathe fire into an X-shape, they could do it all there. It was a turning point. Here they had to decide whether they wanted to remain an indies band or go major. They chose the latter and made the Tokyo Dome their goal.

Did you discuss your future plans with YOSHIKI-san and HIDE-san when you decided to work with them?

He did, but it wasn’t like business talk at a meeting table and more like bringing up that they wanted to do Budôkan next at an after party. They made things up as they went along – X was a classic rock band in that sense. Neither they nor Sugimoto worried too much about the details, that came later. In the beginning, they let the momentum carry them forward. They use the word “reckless” a lot, but that’s really what it was. The first 3 days of Tokyo Dome (5 – 7 January 1992) were decided in some hotel room in Hiroshima. They had done one day there in the previous summer and were now like, “Alright, let’s do three days next!” It was mostly like that.

What position did Backstage Project have at that time?

They were eventers, agents, responsible for stage production and bookings, everything.

When it comes to the concerts of X, you did everything, didn’t you?

That’s right. Later, the stage got bigger and they asked for more help, but in the beginning, they did it all with a team of 3 people. In Nakano, they even painted and built the set on their own.

Eh, you did even that?

They had no money, so everyone did things by hand.

It’s been said that at that time, even the costumes were handmade.

Probably true, since they were so broke. Thinking about it now, they were quite poor. They painted the drum set black the day before a show. Later, they had more people supporting them through their management, but until then, they did everything themselves.

What kind of impression did the HIDE-san of that time leave you with?

HIDE was an earnest, serious guy. He may have gone berserk when drunk at after parties, but Sugimoto has no memories of having a hard time with him. He was the one to shape a lot of X’s activities. When YOSHIKI and TOSHI took action, he would step back and calmly observe them. His position was not unlike that of a producer. Simply put, he was a very sensitive and earnest man, a cool guy – not emotionally cold but an awesome super-guitarist. Also quiet. Didn’t go outrageously over the top but could make a good performance out of what was there. Extremely creative, cool guy.

What were the directions regarding the stage?

There were plenty of directions once they started with the solo corners, but those were all in the later stages. Everyone came up with rough ideas, but hide was the one who gave them the details. For the first arena tour in 1991, they used the set with Mad George’s face, which had also been hide’s idea. He said, “I want to make that,” and they managed to get it done, but the whole thing was so massive they couldn’t fit it into the truck (laughs).

Moving that does seem difficult.

At that time, there was no other group doing arena tours of that scale. The stage crews were fumbling about because they couldn’t calculate things well even though they were pros. Since they did everything for the first time, there were always pits to fall into in the beginning, it was terrible. They began their preparation 3 to 4 days before their first day in Niigata, X has always been peculiar about their stages even before. Sugimoto thinks that the design and the vibes of the drop curtain were mostly down to HIDE’s influence.

Who had the idea to use “WORLD ANTHEM” as the SE all this time?

Sugimoto thinks that was HIDE as well. It was a Mahogany Rush song, and Sugimoto liked them as well. One day they were talking about Mahogany Rush and HIDE had the idea to introduce the song to the band members. The voice making the announcement was HIDE’s voice changed with a voice modulator.

They changed it to a woman’s voice in the process but continued to use it.

It was great. Just hearing it makes Sugimoto exited. HIDE also took care of all the tedious stuff like how to do the sound effects. He also came in early in the morning for rehearsals.

He wasn’t late.

He really wasn’t. Didn’t sleep, that guy, always up early (laughs). Said he wanted to be on location by 7 a.m., probably needing that time for rehearsals, make-up and so on. So he took being on time seriously.

Surely there wasn’t anyone at the venue at 7 a.m.?

People were working at the arena 24h. The most problematic thing was catering. When they started that early, there was no food. The restaurants were not open yet, so when there was a desire for tempura and soba one time, a local event planer boiled soba for them and one of the girls made tempura at home at 7 a.m. and brought it over (laughs).

Everyone was amazing.

When hide decided to go in at 7 a.m., he’d already calculated how long the preparations would take. He was the only musician to do that. So no one could complain that it was too early, since hide had taken everything into consideration, and he was right.

Where you there for that?

Sugimoto left it to the people on location as they got more used to it, but for the first arena tour, he had to be there as the person in charge and got very little sleep. He did the preparations, did the concert, followed by preparations, followed by concert… The preparations took so long he sometimes didn’t know if they would make it on time back when they were still testing things out – and not just in regard to the 11-ton truck with HIDE’s solo-corner set. He was very nervous.

Was Backstage Project involved in a lot of big concerts with X?

They had the know-how for it. In the beginning, their mission was to make X bigger and bigger and they grew together with the band, since a promoter who can only handle venues like Rokumeikan can’t handle the Toyko Dome. In that sense, Sugimoto is grateful to them.

What do you think is the secret to your success together?

The saw things the same way and had the same dream. When Sugimoto recently met YOSHIKI at an event in 2007, they talked about how visual-kei used to be called “stand-up hair bands” or “make-up music” before the term was coined and was looked down upon along with the projects working in that genre, but now it’s basically the only music from Japan that can be exported. They used to be a minority and now it’s a big thing. They believed it would get better and persevered. They had an early break in Japan, now the world is giving them attention as well. For 20 years their dreams remained as unchanged as YOSHIKI and Sugimoto themselves, and they came true, for which he is grateful.

Tell us about hide-san at the beginning of his solo activities.

All the other X-members were doing solo activities then, and hide also had his own office by this point, and they often talked about whether he, too, should go solo. About the concept, what image to go for, who to work with. He had a clear vision of what he wanted to do and Sugimoto and the others helped realize it. It made sense for hide to focus on his solo activities. “X is YOSHIKI’s band, so I’ll support whatever YOSHIKI wants to do. But my solo activities are what I want to do, so I’m asking you all to support that,” hide said.

There were a lot of different concepts, weren’t there?

Out of everything they agreed on, there was one thing they couldn’t do. Hide wanted to do an event with Marilyn Manson, but that didn’t come to pass. It could have, if they had started planning it sooner, and that is something that Sugimoto regrets.

What about the solo stages?

Those were entirely hide’s ideas. They gradually turned what he wanted to do into reality. With hide’s solo position entirely divorced from his position in X, that’s where his image was determined for good.

Weren’t there any ideas that couldn’t be realized?

Hide was pretty balanced regarding whether things could be realized, when it came to money, time, or the conditions of the venue. When a stage director told him something couldn’t be done, he immediately replaced it with another idea. Thus, it felt like most of the things he wanted to do ended up getting done.

When it came to dashing out ideas, he probably kept them to himself to begin with if he already knew they couldn’t be done.

He knew that very well, was aware of such things as both artist and producer and didn’t request anything outlandish. His concert at Chiba Marina Stadium (September 1996) was probably the prototype for the kind of music festival that exist in Japan today. It was hide who came up with having 4 stages in the middle of the venue. He wanted to create a fun event that the audience would enjoy, and he had a lot of awesome ideas.

What about his music?

In X, they made rock’n’roll – “WEEKEND”, “CELEBRATION” etc. were all rock driven. Hide’s solo catalog also contained a lot of punk rock songs, you could really tell what he liked by listening to his music. He was a typical guitarist in so far as that he liked music that was popular with guitarists. One day that left an impression with Sugimoto was during the first solo tour, in Hokkaido, Sendai or Niigata, when hide proclaimed, “I’m going to play a song for Sugimoto today,” and then performed an acoustic version of “Light My Fire” by The Doors. That was really moving. Sugimoto had mentioned liking The Doors once while eating at a teriyaki restaurant with hide – he did not know if hide just remembered that or if he liked The Doors himself anyway. The cover hadn’t been in the concert’s program, so the performance came as a surprise. And it was really cool, hide’s voice being similar to The Door’s vocalist Jim Morrison. When Sugimoto received the phone call informing him that hide had passed away, this performance, “Light My Fire”, was the thing that immediately came to his mind. He thinks their tastes in music were very similar.

You know a lot about music.

Hide knew a lot about music, about new stuff, Japanese and international trends, and a lot of genres. He managed to make rock mainstream, which Sugimoto considers a historical achievement. Visual-kei is a purely Japanese product in origin, and it’s thanks to X’s influence that it established itself in the history of rock. Sugimoto is proud to have been a part of that.

Did you ever have personal discussions?

A lot. In the dressing room before the red-and-white song battle after the breakup live, hide said that he didn’t want it to end with this. He was someone who loved live performances so he would have preferred to finish with one. One time he didn’t want to do something and asked Sugimoto to get him out of it while they were eating gyoza in Asagaya. There were many known incidents with X about something-or-other, and hide was always involved, so he would ask Sugimoto for rescue a lot and open up about his issues. They were very open and frank with each other and Sugimoto could end with a “I’ll do my best, but I apologize if it doesn’t work out.” hide was very direct with such things, and while there was probably a lot going on with him, he didn’t let that influence his positive demeanor.

Where there things that were problematic?

It was problematic when hide flipped out completely at the hotel the night after the Hokkaido concert. He was spraying the contents of the fire extinguisher around, tearfully apologized when bodyguard Ito-san and Sugimoto stopped him and led him to his room, then went berserk again. The next morning he happily showed them some crabs he had bought as a souvenir, remembering nothing. He was surprised when Sugimoto told him he couldn’t stay at this hotel anymore. And not to wander around buying crabs like nothing had happened. (laughs)

Only Sugimoto-san could do something like that.

There were always clear signs when hide was going to lose his temper. He would hold himself back at first, but after a few hours he would lose it. But inside, he didn’t want to cause any trouble. He was a good guy, a very decent gentleman.

He was still a gentleman even if he went wild?

Indeed. There are people who can perform in front of thousands and then just come down from that at once, but hide was someone who needed to cool down with a drink first. That said, he was a heavy drinker. He would drink until 7 a.m., then suggest going to the next place. When Sugimoto told him that it was time for work already, he’d happily say, “I found a place that’s open until 10.” Just how many hours could this guy drink?!

And you went along with everything?

Not at all! Sugimoto had to work in the morning, so that was impossible. Still, he drank a lot, which he could probably do because he was young. And it made it easy to work with hide, being able to speak openly with him and getting open replies.

Were you also in charge of his solo tours?

Not the one after hide’s death, but he did the two before that. Just when Sugimoto stated working on the schedule for the third tour, hide passed away and Sugimoto canceled everything. When they met in a yakitori restaurant in Shinjuku, hide got really excited about the Marilyn Manson event mentioned earlier and really wanted to do that. They met at a solo live of J one day and hide said, “Let’s have a meeting about this,” and that was the last time they ever spoke. If they had done such an event, Sugimoto imagines hide would have become a producer of sorts for a movement that combined music, fashion, and culture. He seemed like the type who could create such a thing.

Did you, as the person in charge of their events, ever receive complaints afterwards?

Yes, a lot. Hotels and restaurants that wouldn’t let them hold after parties there anymore, and venues they were told not to come back to.

Did you apologize, in that function of yours?

Sugimoto complained to the band members about it, asking why they would do such a thing. And then X would apologize and think about what they had done.

They reflected on it?

Yeah, but maybe that was just lip service (laughs). Anyway, they understood that shit like that was bad for the band, so they at least thought about it. They were honest like that. And they were not the type to be deceitful or talk badly about people.

For sure.

They were accepting people. And always straightforward with their fans. Maybe that’s how they got to work together for so long. LUNA SEA was also like that.

What was X to you?

The group changed Sugimoto’s life. If he hadn’t met them, his life would have been very different. He was in his twenties when he made Backstage Project with a bunch of other ex-musicians who just wanted to work in rock music because it was fun, and he never thought he would do that for more than 20 years and meet so many interesting people. All that is thanks to X. Also, they changed the life of many a fan with their music, the way Sugimoto’s life was changed when he listed to the Rolling Stones for the first time.

How did you feel about hide-san as an individual?

Sugimoto used to be a guitarist as well, although he wasn’t as good as hide and not successful. He always regretted that choice, even after he quit doing it, his regrets about his past following him around even while he was doing Backstage Project. But after meeting hide he was able to feel proud of having been a guitarist, and see that being one is a good thing, even if it didn’t work out for him. So he said to hide, “I didn’t succeed as a guitarist, but it was you who made me feel proud of having been one.”

What did hide-san say when you told him that?

He was embarrassed, going, “How can you say something like that?” But Sugimoto thinks he was probably happy to hear it. They had this conversation while drinking in an issakaya somewhere, and its a fond memory for Sugimoto, because there aren’t many musicians who invoke this kind of feelings in their staff. Without this, Sugimoto might not have become the kind of person to think of so many things at the same time and develop so many different projects.

He was also the president of a company.

They never talked about management or money, though, expect in the sense that certain things might make a stage set expensive. So to Sugimoto, while hide was the president of a company, he was a musician, producer – a creator first and foremost. Well, and a drunkard (laughs). He was a mysterious person.

Mysterious, how?

When getting close to a musician, most people usually try to find out as much as possible about the private person behind that persona, but Sugimoto always thought it best to keep that separate and just know hide at the level at which they met. And that worked well for hide as well. Keeping his private life secret made him feel more like a rock star. It was cool like that, just like him.

At X’s reunion concert, TOSHI-san gave you a shout out (on the topic of people he was grateful for).

That made him happy, as Sugimoto was also grateful for X. It was great that that concert got to happen and that so many people who thought they would never get to see them again came for those 3 days.

What did you think when you saw that concert?

It was great. Sugimoto went to see it as just another person in the audience.

So you weren’t involved backstage?

Not on the second and third day, but on the first he ran around backstage a lot as people recognized him. He didn’t actually get to see much of the 1997 breakup live, since it had been decided suddenly and sold out at once, and it wasn’t like they could just make that up to him at a later show. The girls in the ticket booths worked non-stop for days. It was very hard, probably the worst Sugimoto had ever seen, but everyone who had bought a ticket got in in the end, so that was good.

Is there anything you would like to say to hide-san now?

Sugimoto regrets not having been able to keep his promise. He’s been to hide’s grave, saying, “I’m sorry the event with Marilyn Manson did not happen.” There are so many things that did happen. The fights and the rampages don’t matter. What Sugimoto regrets is that hide never got to change not just Japan’s but Asia’s music industry as he would have if he had lived. He would have become Asia’s No. 1 super guitar hero. Even now there are requests from other countries for concerts, by people who do not yet know that hide has passed away. That is sad to think about, but at the same time, the fact that he still gets so much support both at home and abroad shows what a great guy hide has been.

[turtleations]

Interviews with Iori, JUN and Matoi (Phantasmagoria)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Note: Grouped together because they are short and with members of the same band.

Iori Interview (Phantasmagoria / G)

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: Middle school.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: The colors surprised me (laughs).

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: The way the guitar as in instrument should be.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: A person like the cosmos.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: From my companions.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: Pink Spider.

JUN Interview (Phantasmagoria / G)

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: The first year of middle school.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: He was kind of scary but really impressed me! In that moment I was blown away by the guitarist’s presence and coolness!

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: Entertainment! Enjoy yourself! Fight!

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: The most distant and closest rock star!

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: With my own eyes and legs! And a bit from friends! (laughs)

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: I can’t pick a favorite, but for me it all started with SCARS!

Matoi Interview (Phantasmagoria / Ds)

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: Knew him from a friend who had a cover band!

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: What I cool guy! I thought.

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: Not in the instrument, since I play drums, but I was imitating him when I covered my mouth with black mesh during a concert long ago!

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: A great man!! I used note books with hide-san’s prints on them for school and so on.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: Forgot.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: “Genkai Haretsu”. Not only was the song amazing, I was also shocked by the beauty of hide-san’s green hair in the PV!

[turtleations]

Interview with Riku (Phantasmagoria / Vo)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: Saw him at X’s debut.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: I learned about hide-san when I saw X for the first time at their debut. With me thinking that they were impactful people when I look at their pictures now, I think the shock at that time was massive. At that time, hide-san had long hair in a mixture of blonde and red, and an aggressive appearance, so I remember him being really scary to me then. But when I got over that and turned my attention to the music, I also thought that he was a person who really seemed to enjoy playing the guitar. Figuratively speaking, he was like a toy that you played with a lot and that you keep staring at because it always shows you a new way to play with it. Both in a band and solo, he was a person full of charm, who could show different expressions without effort. Although I wasn’t in a band back then and wasn’t that interested in music, I think I kept seeing him everywhere.

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: When it comes to enjoying music and bands.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: When I got interested in music and bands, he was someone each and any of my friends knew. Although he was different from the bands I was into, hide-san’s influence was there in various ways. That making music side by side with foreign artists is awesome and something you do if you get the chance is something everyone should agree on.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: From TV and magazines and by talking to my friends of that time.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: When I first saw and heard “Beauty & Stupid” on a music show, I thought it was so cool! It’s intuitive, though, I can’t explain why in detail.

[turtleations]

Interview with KISAKI (Phantasmagoria / Bass)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: When I first saw him on “Genki ga Deru TV” during X’s indies days, I was shocked. Everyone was laughing, but when I think about it now, I think X were making them laugh. That I first saw hide-san live was at the Osaka show of the “BLUE BLOOD” tour. I’ll never forget that memory.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: I was left with the memory of being incredibly moved by the organization of the concert, the quality of the staging, the scale of the songwriting, the production. It all had a profound impact on me, who had only just started in music, and gave me the courage to live my life. I also thought that the fangirls were scary (laughs). Because this country boy from Wakayama had never seen anything like that before (laughs).

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: While he influenced me musically in various ways, the biggest influence came from hide-san as the one who created the therm “Visual-Kei”. I was influenced in many ways by hide-san’s unique and entirely uncompromising personal style. My own preferences also stem from that. And I felt his passion and kindness in the affection he showed for terminally ill Mayuko-chan when he registered with the bone-marrow bank.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: He’s one of the artists that got me to the VISUAL genre. If I hadn’t encountered hide-san, I would be a different person today.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: Mainly through the magazine “Rocking f” (laughs). Since hide-san was on the front cover a lot at the time, I got easily caught up in bookstores and so on. X’s activities were all newsworthy, so I naturally got into them even without being a collector (laughs).

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: I can’t chose a favorite, but I really love hide-san’s first solo album “HIDE YOUR FACE”. There are songs with a straight rock sound like “TELL ME” or “EYES LOVE YOU”, but REMIXES like “DOUBT” also demonstrate hide-san’s outstanding musical talent, which I thought was simply cool.

[turtleations]

KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 4 Part 4 - 6 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2, Part 3

The two treasure-like songs we created together

The songwriting with Shishô that made me wonder, “What have I been doing until now?”

Having graduated from being a staff member of X and being active with my own band, talking to Shishô about music made me genuinely wonder, “Could I have put this much thought into creating something this deep?”

When I thought that… I keep saying it, but the realization was there: “What have I been doing until now?” It made me hate myself.

When we were listening once again to the phrase played on acoustic guitar as recorded on tape, Shishô said, “KUMA, this is what I mean. If you just break this melody into cords, I don’t think there would be any spread to it, because the melody won’t be open.”

While he said so, he made sure several times… Over and over, he used different cord for the same sound, and recorded it all over again.

In the things Shishô said, the things he did, it was as if he were showing all his cards.

I used to think I had been thinking carefully about what I was doing until then, but when I was shown that… I felt like there had been no originality, not even in theory, when I was composing a song.

The two songs that we were composing that way were “JET SPARK” and “STARDUST STORY”.

Looking back, I, who had been kidnapped to Lake Yamanaka as if it were a joke, did not understand Shishô’s intentions, since we did not really talk about it in the aftermath, but… I think Shishô must have figured it all out before taking me away.

I think it was probably to give me as much of those two songs as possible at that point.

A necessity that seems random. When I think back to that exchange, I can’t help but wonder what was up with Shishô’s characteristic “kindness laced with embarrassment”.

At first, we started with “JET SPARK”, but that song was a hotpot of melodies I had created and the cords Shishô provided for it.

The interlude, too, he made feel natural as he created it on the acoustic guitar… and even there, Shishô’s typical attention to detail showed up, and he put in magnificent cords.

In hide’s style, he utilized my strongest points, and added an original taste… That’s how seriously he took the creation of my songs.

“STARDUST STORY” is a song that was created by Shishô humming the cords over and over again. To the extent that I initially wondered if this wasn’t really Shishô’s song.

In the end, nothing got finished at Lake Yamanaka, and later I took it from there and kept thinking of extensions and compositions, and after I properly worked on that melody for half a year… This is the first time I’m letting Shishô listen to it in full.

Lake Yamanaka – The Aftermath

I went to Laka Yamanaka in November of ‘97.

It happened just one month before X’s final concert, when Shishô was beginning to prepare new solo songs.

I had been taken there without knowing why at the time, but at some point, there was something like a break.

Apparently, the people from the record company had prepared a day off at an onsen for hide-san, who had been working on his songs with a pretty full schedule.

When I heard all the staff members suggest that “we should all enjoy a reward for our hard work for a bit”, I thought, “No way!”

Having dropped everything when I went to Lake Yamanaka, I had no time to relax… and this was postponing the day of my return to Tokyo even further.

So I said to hide-san, “Please got to the onsen with everyone else. I’ll return to Tokyo for a bit and then come back here,” and then took my leave from Lake Yamanaka.

In the end, everyone was at the onsen for about 2 to 3 days, However, from what I heard, Shishô, probably in excited drunkenness, jumped from a car and broke his foot…

With X’s last live only a month away, the subsequent work at Lake Yamanaka was canceled in the end, and so Shishô and the others returned from the onsen directly to Toyko.

After that, I joined Shishô in the city, where he continued to work without pause, but… the rehearsals for X were starting, and things got very hectic in this time.

As I mentioned before, I had been separated from X for many years at that point, but when Shishô asked me to help out at the end, from then on until the turn of the year, we were together almost every day, just like we had been in the past.

Also… on the 1st of February 1998, the year he announced the activities of “hide with Spread Beaver”, Shishô would go to the US.

“Kuma, you have to come to Los Angeles with me.”

“Come along.”

“Please come.”

Those invitations came frequently. In the end, because I wanted to get the two songs we made at Lake Yamanaka into a proper shape before I let him listen to them, I told Shishô, “I’ll make it there as soon as I finished the pre-production in Japan,” and planned to get to Los Angeles later. On the day of his departure, I did some shopping for him and then went to hide-san’s house. We went to Narita Airport together, and at the departure gate I saw him off with a “See you soon, I’ll be in L.A. in no time!!” and waved after hide-san until he disappeared from sight. After that, at its worst, I would get calls from hide-san in L.A. every thirty minutes.

I was aware that Shishô was struggling with a few things, but since I really wanted to finish those two songs he had worked on for me at Lake Yamanaka, so I could take them along… I thought that I would make it to L.A. no later than the end of February.

But in the end, I didn’t go at all.

The reason is that when I returned to Kumamoto for a day to renew my expired passport, the car I was in the passenger seat of was in an accident, and I was rushed to the hospital and admitted there…

That happened on the 25th of February. I had planned to leave on the 26th, and already had my plane ticket, too.

I had promised Shishô that I would come and thought that I had to get to the US no matter what, so even with an immobile leg, I managed to sneak out of the hospital.

There was an uproar at the hospital because of this.

In the end, Shishô’s mother contacted me, and told me, “KUMA-chan, what are you doing? Hideto is worried, saying that no matter what you are up to, you need to get well first! So please just go straight back to the hospital.” These words send me straight back to the hospital on crutches.

After that, Shishô called me at the hospital as well…

I remember us talking about a lot of things.

In the end, Shishô returned to Japan without me ever making it to Los Angeles.

Parting with hide – the reality

To me, 1998 would become a year I would never forget. X separated and Shishô started his solo project, and then… we parted ways.

I couldn’t move, and my trip to the US that I had been supposed to undertake with Shishô was canceled…

A few months after that…

Since that day eleven years ago, my life had changed drastically.

Even when I think about it now, my memories of the time after the turn of the year are somewhat muddled.

To be honest, there is a version of me who still really, really hasn’t been able to figure out his feelings.

Shishô himself seemed to often touch on subjects like “life and death” in his lyrics, as he was a person who always carried these themes in his awareness…

For example, lines like “When your body is dead and turned to ashes, someone is going to evaluate you…”

Thinking of it this way, a part of me was trying to come to terms with Shishô’s departure, while another part of me couldn’t accept it… Now I think I can never find the answer while I am still in this world…

In May ‘98, I was overwhelmed by the feeling of not understanding what the hell was going on, or even who I was. My reason for being.

At that time, I think I caused the important people around me, including my parents, a great deal of worry.

All those around me did their best to make me feel better.

From then on, I had no choice but to live my life convincing myself that I needed to be reborn, little by little, and that like that I would surely make it through this.

No matter how many years go by, even now, eleven years later, those feelings are still the same.

“The repeating seasons keep leaving me behind. I have to get going…”

Chapter 5, Part 1 & 2

[turtleations]

KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 4 Part 3 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2

The collaboration that made me realize the extent of Shishô’s perception

I’ve lost track a little, but… here’s what we were holed up at Lake Yamanaka for, to the point of my cell phone getting burned…

On the first day, we were doing hide-san’s recording work.

First, we would record the demo tape that would become the template for the new song, but for this we would not use the recording studio but a tape recorder in the room Shishô and I were sharing.

“KUMA, record this.”

“Oh, stop.”

“Okay, okay. KUMA, one more time.”

“Oh, stop.”

Repeating this over and over, he created the shape of the song on the acoustic guitar.

The works that were born this way would later turn into “Pink Spider” and “ever free”.

I was only helping with the tape recorder, but I witnessed the entire process of creation… At first, he would simultaneously hum and play a chord, and change it several times, then he would chose the ones he liked best, and assemble a melody from there.

When I listen to the finished song, I can tell, “That phrase from back there turned into this,” but at the time of him coming up with various motives and putting them together, I had no idea what would become of them.

I did not ask Shishô, “What’s this song to be?” while working on it, and when a new phrase came to life as the work went on, I would wonder, “Is this for a different song than the one just now? Where’s the overlap?”

That’s what I was secretly thinking.

And then the next day. “Well then, let’s make your song, KUMA. What kind of song is it gonna be?” said Shishô. From there, the process of creating songs for me started. When Shishô once told me that he would write a song for me, he instructed me to have a melody ready as a starting point… So a melody existed in my mind.

When I conveyed it to him, Shishô hummed the melody I gave him scat style [nonsensical/wordless vocalization of a melody]… then turned it into cords. He used the same method he had previously used for the creation of his own songs.

But even though I had a motif in mind, it was pretty rough, as I had come to Lake Yamanaka unexpectedly and without preparation.

Therefore, with the sound in my head as a focal point and the advice of Shishô, saying, “If you do this here, why not do that there?” and so on, recording on tape and stopping, recording and stopping… We repeated it over and over.

At this point, I was also taught Shishô’s personal views on music.

“I make songs while planning for the feeling of the cords in contrast with the melody line. I put a lot of emphasis on the range in contrast with the melody.”

It were things like that which I got to hear while we were working on the songs.

We also focused on the lyrics a bunch while at Lake Yamanaka.

Since the lyrics I had thought of were frankly not finished yet, and I did not bring what I had with me, I ended up just applying the words I remembered to the finished melody as I sang along…

While doing so, I also learned a lot about Shishô’s attention to detail when it came to lyrics.

“First of all, the start of the chorus has to be conveyed directly. This is the part that needs the biggest hook, so I use voiced sounds to attack.”

“If you think carefully about the placement of the words, you can get a really cool sound not only in English, but in Japanese as well.”

“In pop, it’s important not to forget to make it catchy, and it’s fun to mix in katakana English.”

“Regarding the subject matter, it’s best to start by scribbling it down. What you want to write, what you want to convey, you should fill a couple of pages of a notebook with it, I think. That’s what I do when I start writing.”

Advice like that.

Lyrics are really hard.

Before our work at Lake Yamanaka, Shishô, who had gone solo, had talked to me about lyrics… but when I once again saw the lyrics he was writing at Lake Yamanaka, it scared me a little.

The content was unadorned, and when I read it again, it was rather shocking.

While Shishô also tended to use someone else as an analogy in his lyrics, in the end, they were often a stand-in for himself…

For example, there is a like in “TELL ME” that says, “I will not be able to hear my own voice until I am ashes…” When I read those lyrics, I thought time and again that the way he thought remained the same through the days, he just changed the way he expressed his feelings.

There was something desperate in it… It had an immeasurable power.

That same Shishô helped me create a song at Lake Yamanaka.

He taught me many things, using his own songs as an example, and while it gradually took shape with the two of us humming along…

“Shisho thinks about things this deeply, and with such fine attention to detail.” – When this realization came over me once again, it was an eye-opener.

His desire to seek the best, no matter what he did, and create products of the highest quality was extremely strong.

Working with Shishô one-on-one like this, I had to bluntly ask myself, “What have I been doing until now?”

[turtleations]

KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 4 Part 1 & 2 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1 Part 1 & 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 Chapter 2 Part 1 & 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7 Chapter 3 Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & 4, Part 5, Part 6 & 7

Chapter 4: The Separation from HIDE – How KUMA took it Forever unanswered thoughts, and the message Shishô left behind

Shishô = HIDE, always pestering the awkward KUMA

“You’re really awkward, always taking the long way around. You should take advantage of me. Then you’d soon make it,” Shishô used to say to me.

At first, I replied to that with, “What are you talking about? I’m doing my best!”, but eventually these discussions ended in a collaboration with HIDE-san and him telling me, “The same goes for writing songs. I’ll do what I can, so you really have to get there.”

That was Shishô, who always said contradictory things, but one day, when the topic came up over dinner, he spoke to me in a very strong tone… and he wasn’t laughing.

I felt somewhat forsaken when HIDE-san spoke to me like that…

“Please don’t say something like that. I’m doing my best, and it makes me sad when you dismiss that,” I said. Looking back, aside from directly telling me to “take advantage of me in order to make it”, there were many things in which he tried to support me.

HIDE-san had gotten a tattoo in Los Angeles, and when he did, he explained his thought process to me:

“This is the proof that I will “fight in the world of rock” my entire life.”

That was what he had determined for himself, he explained to me when we spoke of his tattoo, and at that point, I said, “I’m going to get the same one as you.” When I told him that, he was strongly against it.

“Are you an idiot? For someone who is planning to make it in this world, something like that is a no-go. You’ll have to put your body on display, after all. A tattoo will come with all sorts of restrictions, and that’s no good at all… I don’t want that for you,” he said.*

But I wouldn’t let it go either, so I said, “Then I’ll put it on my ass, where no one can see it.”… and he made a face at me.

Anyway, Shisho kept telling me, “You’re absolutely not allowed to do that.”…

He was probably irritated by my round-about way of going at things.

He really always said to me, “Make more use of me,” and “That’s why you’re no good. What about your band? You have to make it quickly, even if you use me a stepping stone.”

All I said was, “I’m doing my best.”

“You always take the long way around. Can’t you do better? Look at the others. I’m doing what I can, so you have to do your part as well.”

During that time, we had that kind of exchange a lot.

[*) Tattoos carry a social stigma in Japan to this day, as they are mostly associated with organized crime and having one often bans you from public spaces where your body is exposed such as public baths or sometime even beaches. Therefore, they are still rare among the general population and were even rarer then.]

To Yamanaka-ko, Lake of Destiny

Something that Shishô always said to me which made me really happy was, “I’d do anything for you.”

It did come true one day, too…

A few days after Shishô lamented over dinner, “You always take the long way around!” I suddenly got a phone call from him.

“KUMA, I need you to come right away. Please come, no matter what.”

It sounded urgent again… I thought as I went to Shishô’s house.

Apparently, it had been decided that we would go to the studio at Lake Yamanaka for my pre-production, but but at that point I was not informed of that, being told only to “Please come,” and then casually packed up in the car… and before I knew it, we were driving down the highway.

When I asked, surprised, “Eh, where are we going?” I was merely told, “No, it’s fine. It’s okay, so don’t worry,” and left ignorant of our destination for quite a while. I was surprised when, at a parking area quite along way from Tokyo, I was finally told, “We’re going to Lake Yamanaka.”

“No, that’s not happening. I’m going home, seriously.”

When I said that, Shishô laughed like he always did, and said, “How would you get back there?” In the end, taken to Lake Yamanaka I was.

There had, in fact, been foreshadowing for this trip to Lake Yamanaka.

There had already been talk of Shishô writing a song with me. When the phone call came with him asking me to “come over for a bit”, he sounded very serious, so I worried that something might have happened and thought that I really ought to go over to see him.

So, when I actually went to meet him, Shishô and his staff were preparing the car… While I was still wondering what was up, I was put into the car and abducted.

Meanwhile, the staff were laughing, saying, “KUMA, this is a kidnapping, you’re being kidnapped.”

And so, our destination was the recording studio at Lake Yamanaka.

I kept saying, “I’m going home!!” until the end, but… When we split into rooms, Shishô told everyone, “It’s okay for me and KUMA to share a room!!”, but I, not yet having sorted out my feelings, was seriously thinking, “I am not okay with this at all.”

And when I was informed that we would be living together for a while, I was not thrilled.

After all, I had come to Lake Yamanaka leaving all the things I should be doing instead undone… which led to me fiddling with my cell phone.

Since we were in the mountains, I had trouble getting a signal, so in order to search for one, I went outside, wandering around agitatedly… Until Shishô noticed and set my cell phone on fire.

Maybe he thought I was going home.

He said something along the lines of, “KUMA, let me see your cell phone. Hurry, hurry up!” confiscated my phone, and threw it into the fireplace. And then the phone exploded.

Well, that had been unexpected.

Mobile phones had only just hit the market at that time and were still quite expensive…

Although the phone I got back was burned and wrapped, it… was still barely clinging to life. So, I thought, I ought to get a signal, and went back outside immediately to look for one.

When I did that, Shishô followed me outside, took my phone away once again... and this time threw it into the pitch-black forest.

It was already nighttime, so obviously, I gave up for the day without looking for it.

Unfortunately, the phone I finally found the next day was unsalvageable.

Later, after we returned to Tokyo, Shishô bought me a new cell phone, but I kept the destroyed one as a treasured memento.

Shishô saw this while he was getting a haircut in the process of getting his styling done, and for some reason he stuck a bunch of the red strands to my old cell phone with sticky tape and said, laughing, “This makes for an interesting art piece, doesn’t it?”

Chapter 4 Part 3

[turtleations]

Interview with Nikaido Hayato (MASQUERADE / Vo)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: My older brother bought the “ROCKET DIVE” CD, I got to know hide-san when he let me listen to it.

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: At that time I didn’t think about music, just listening to is was enough. Even so, it was different from the music of other musicians I had listened to so far, it certainly had a sense of “thrill”. I said something like “Next time, let me buy your CD,” to my brother. (laughs)

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: Me, regarding certain people, I like the real live tales, legends, and insider stories that others talked about. (In this case, the heroic tale of hide-san’s image as held by SUGIZO-san that you can read on the internet, among others.)* The hide-san I get from his music and from interviews gives the impression of being “intense, unusual, and powerful… yet very kind.” I really like that he did rock with such consistency, I think I want to be like that even though I do things differently.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: In terms of fashion, his sense of image, and of course music, his charisma was outstanding. It feels strange, but to me, hide-san was thrilling in a way that still shines on a different level than the image of his activities or the imitations of his music. His magazine photos were artistic and extraordinary, which really surprised me.

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: Through magazines and internet and by exchanging information with friends who liked him.

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: “ever free” was the first song since I started listening to music that made me become aware of the world view within the lyrics.

[*) I have no idea what this is referring to. If you know, please tell me. I would love to add a link and maybe rewrite that line to make a little more sense.]

[turtleations]

Interview with YUJI (as.milk / Ds)

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Q1: When did you first learn about hide?

A: Must have been from a TV program I watched in the later years of primary school. [5th – 6th grade]

Q2: Please tell us what kind of impression you had at the time.

A: What a cool hairstyle~!!! (laughs)

Q3: Please tell us of a way in which hide influenced you.

A: Composition, stage performance, the attitude towards music, how to live. The possibility of expressing yourself through music. “In music, the possibilities are endless, there isn’t just one answer, and no wrong ones”, that’s what I feel in hide-san’s music.

Q4: What did hide mean to you?

A: He made rock music accessible and taught me that the walls of genre are very low. I don’t think I could be like hide-san, but I still want to get a little closer to him. I wanted to have a drink with him. (laughs)

Q5: How did you collect information?

A: Since that was a time when I didn’t even think about having a PC, exclusively through music magazines!

Q6: Out of hide’s songs, which is your favorite and why?

A: Favorite… that’s hard. Rating them is honestly difficult, but might be “Eyes Love You”? Since hide-san’s image with X had been so strong until then, this song is the most memorable to me for the shock of reversing it.