#want to see how ppl start interpreting them now

[silverleaf-sculpts]

Gamers… what does a ghast look like? Cuttlefish?? ?

[inchidentally]

just me flipping out over landoscar over the past 48hrs :)

ohhh GOODDDDD the way the commentary here is already perfect but just to add!! both shuffle about and seem to do a little of their creepy unspoken communication and then both immediately slip their arms around each other at the same time before they both look over to Max at the same time. bc the slightly scary bonded little McLaren creatures need to remember the rest of the grid exists sometimes ;__;

a-amvryllis

also the fact that Oscar's growth spurt over the winter really is visible when they're stood this close

and yet he's still the same awkward recent-growth-spurts young lad that got delivered to Lando's driver's room last season. he doesn't know what to do in front of cameras and his instinct is still to have Lando dancing and sparkling like the natural star he is so that Oscar can stand just a bit behind and fulfill his own publicity quota by reacting to whatever Lando is getting up to

mecachrome

THE CHEST TAP ohhhh the way that Oscar requires very little physical touch and Lando craves it and they've just… figured it out !! Lando squeezes Oscar's shoulder, taps his arm, initiates a handshake, shuffles back a little bc Oscar's always standing just behind him, snuggles closer to him when they're in cars for the drivers parade and it's remotely cold… and taps Oscar's chest as a 'thank you'

bc for Oscar, he gets his emotional fill through his eyes. while he's perfectly content with most people to do glances and hold eye contact when someone's speaking directly to him. but his eyes l i n g e r where he's especially fond or affectionate or in love. he watches Lily when she's looking at other people, he watched Logan for when he seemed lonely or when they were talking and Logan would stare out at the crowd, and g o ddddddd does he love to watch Lando. you can track his eyes as they trace Lando's features and the way his smile responds to watching Lando's mouth.

yet there's also the way they've learned each other's ways of expressing care/affection/checking in bc Lando can trust that Oscar will be looking to him when something is awkward or unsure, and Oscar can trust that Lando will come to him and let him know how he's feeling aaaaaaand I just think that's !!!

bc no bromance, no cultivating a dynamic or relationship by blending their social lives, no performing in any way. all of their little hallmarks are the most unplanned, unintentional sweet things like the nicknames Lando accidentally started and only continued bc it makes Oscar so happy, to Oscar's hearteyes that he absolutely surely must know fandom teases him about but doesn't bother to change. them being opposites in certain things and then eerily similar in others.

all of it comes back to the way they communicate in ways everyone else has to interpret to understand - and even then it's not like we ever get to see the stuff they think and talk about behind their little privacy door and in the downtime we know they have but that isn't documented. like, I don't want to stretch too far by implying something too intense or specific but there's definitely a Their Own World kind of thing happening. whether or not it's smth they've specifically knowingly cultivated or if it's just naturally how their dynamic shakes out.

bc we all love to joke that Oscar's jealous of Carlos or Daniel or Franco - but then he brings them up on his own in friendly ways and is a very definite carlando! and ppl wanted to make a lot out of Lando openly complaining to an audience that Oscar doesn't like enough of the same thing as him so they don't hang out as much as he does other drivers he knows. but then after that they immediately start playing padel and oh it's okay now! it literally was as simple as Lando not knowing Oscar was up for padel even if golf and regular partying won't be! and that shared activities are not a defining quality of a relationship and Lando said "spends the least time with off track" about Oscar and not "likes the least" or "has the least interest in" lasfgslajgfsalf

and like, I'm always saying how of course they'll have the usual teammate fights or spats or tensions at some point! it happens! Lando is deeply ingratiated into Max V's life socially - moreso than anyone else on the grid with Lando - but they're ever so slightly on ice at the moment bc they're too similar when it comes to competitiveness. but they'll be back to normal when the season - or the WDC race - is done and finished. and nobody likes to document it for good reason but Carlos and Lando have had plenty of challenging moments and many a 'see?? we're fine!!' golf excursions or fan service videos to smooth an issue over (including the worst gifs of all time that I can't find anymore where Lando straight up looked murderous). and then ofc the "I don't feel sorry for him" Lando/Daniel DTS stuff that caused such a fandom headache. and Oscar's always had a very simple, on track the job is to win unless instructed otherwise and then off the track we interact as people not drivers. so it's fully normal to expect situations where they're not happy w each other and it shows! but it hasn't yet and that's honestly kind of weird!! esp when they don't have the big broey type of friendship that Lando's had with his other two teammates - you'd honestly expect him to feel more at ease in showing it when he's pissed off with Oscar bc there's nothing to keep up for fandom/PR sake and no messiness with shared friend groups etc to worry about. but he's cultivated an exceptionally and very pointed approach of This Is My Team and My Job/I'm Established, He Is Not Yet/I'm The Experienced One where he sees the team unity as especially important for him to publicly present and assert. like, for all he hated the idea of being the older one and no longer baby brother, he's responded to Low Maintenance Watchful Oscar in the long run as someone's he needs to take care of and whose place in the team is partly his own responsibility. he's not just one of the drivers, he's The Guy at McLaren and Oscar's extremely painful induction into the team and F1 with basically the whole world praying for his downfall was so vastly opposite to his own gradual and loving introduction that it's clear he's taking their disparities into account. a LOT. this moment being a prime example of him correcting fans because of that. and probably also an uncomfortable awareness of the segment of his own fandom who are able to inflict a special kind of hell on anyone they view as not 100% serving Lando, the object of their unhinged obsession and bias.

like, it's a side note I'll prob never be able to go too deeply into for just that reason^^ but this viewing Lando as a permanent victim whose every good deed is seen as Not Necessary and ignoring the huge differences in position within this sport and within McLaren between him and Oscar - and simply slotting Oscar into a space Carlos and Daniel held - totally undermines Lando's real life growth as a man who does understand that disparity and does appreciate that Oscar inhabits a space totally his own and nothing to do with his older, experienced teammates - and also a man who is saying and doing these things about teamwork and appreciation for Oscar in a way that responds to those differences while not remotely expecting Oscar to mimic or parrot it back because they're not equals in the sport or with the team (which makes logical sense !!) and they're not what Lando was with Carlos or Daniel. and in all the insanity I feel like this coddling, constantly pitying and victimized approach that still hearkens back to Lando being The Baby on the team - completely fails to show him appreciation for who he actually has become and what he actually does and says that is so specifically commendable and shows such growth and strength that is so admirable. the constant expectation that he's saying and doing these things in any way that expects Oscar to copy or mirror him - when their positions could not be more different or imbalanced !!!! - and ignoring the way Lando actually doesn't expect that and that he receives gratitude and appreciation from Oscar in a way that is unique to Oscar bc everyone is different !! by viewing Lando as always perfection and never in the wrong and any good deed being automatically greater than anyone else's good deed, he is cut off from authentic appreciation and praise of the individual real life complex person he actually is and that such flat, default levels of adoration will ring meaningless to him compared to people who can objectively give him praise him as objectively as they see his flaws !! and that's why Max F is his lifelong best friend above all others ! anyway !!!!!

and like. idk. part of me feels a suspicion that this private little world Lando and Oscar have - that they cultivated around the time they decided to pull a lot of their relationship off of social media and not use it for PR (apart from the bog standard team media) - is also them wisely deciding to keep their negotiation of this new front runner craziness entirely to themselves. bc of course things aren't all sunshine and roses between them all the time, but what's clear is how mutually and maturely they've approached each new bout of drama. especially considering they're so young and everyone expected that to be the downfall to Zak's plot to have two young generational talents. and EVERY time it would make perfect sense for them to snipe at each other through the press or be caught feeling cold toward each other - or someone strategically edits or crops media to make it look so - they're huddled together somewhere giggling or playing board games or sharing junk food ;__; the brain rot of stan culture threatens to destroy fandom experience for everyone else but meanwhile the objects of their obsession are sharing a conspiratorial look and grinning at each other.

like… Netflix AND an F1 reporter have quite literally goaded and begged for them to fight and hate each other and each time Oscar boldly steps forward with that cool expression and undermines the effort, with Lando literally cheering him on <3 <3

[kanmom51]

Like Crazy - new insights

*This is a reposting of my latest reblog due to issues with that specific post.

***This has been sitting in my drafts since April 2023!!!

This is the post I reblogged and the basis to my own post.

Yep. I had some of a post written way back in April 2023, but the pieces just didn't come all together for me.

After Muse's release and specifically after the BTB yesterday where JM discussed Who, Muse and the lyrics, we also saw the change made to Who's lyrics from "you" to "she" things started to clear up for me. But then, a friend also shared a picture of the original lyrics of Like Crazy, which were subsequently altered before recording. We discussed these changes and I now feel that this is it! This is the missing piece to my post.

I mostly left what I wrote over a year ago in tact, adding the missing pieces to this puzzle that makes this post with what I feel is a little more insight into Like crazy.

Needless to say, these are my opinions, how I see the lyrics, the ones that made the cut and the ones that stayed in JM's lyrics journal.

So, let's get started:

Here I was thinking I'm the only one who was seeing this...

I do hope I'm reading this right, before going off motormouth about something that maybe isn't what is being said, but to hell with it, this is something I've been thinking too and I'm just gonna come out and say it.

We're all over 18 here right?

This is a subject we can talk about?

The more I listen to this song, the more I think it to be true too.

First of all, before starting off, I want to link this ask:

**Shock and awe... "she" wasn't part of the original lyrics for Like Crazy . Colour me surprised to learn the same is true with Who (even though JM didn't actually write the song himself). Oh, and if we are on that subject already, how not surprising to see the process of writing the song with John Billion, who happens to be one of the writers of SNTY as well (me sitting here thinking of several words and references that could have been somehow suggested and inserted into the song. No idea who (nah, I'm telling lies, I know exactly who). How shocking (NOT) to see that the artist actually had input with the song lyrics of which he is not credited in writing.

Again, the depth of the song, the layers to the song and the multiple interpretations too.

JM told us this song is about him struggling. He told us he was going through a period where he was drinking too much. He was finding fulfillment in ways other than performing, as performing is part of him, he is a performer, someone who needs the stage to express himself. The stage is where he is at peace, the stage being a piece of him that he was missing.

We saw his outburst of emotions in the first day of MOTS ON:E (that was my first experience of BTS and he literally broke my heart - and later seeing him being mocked for it infuriated me).

This was October 2020, around 6 months into the pandemic. The uncertainty. This is their first online performance and from there until Muster another 9 months go by. We know from Festa 2022 that the pandemic screwed up all of their plans. The uncertainty, working on and releasing BE and then Butter and PTD everything leading up to the PTD online concert, a year after MOTS ON:E. For those that performing is their life, standing in front of an audience and giving it their all, it's a hard pill to swallow. The unknown, if they will ever get back to perform on stage in front of a live audience, when this is who they are, their essence, it can be unbearable. JM wasn't the only performer to go through this. It's just that he shared this with us. He showed us his pain and vulnerability and was mocked for it by many. Shame on them!!!

So, again, JM told us with Like Crazy, that he was filling in that hole. Alcohol was mentioned by him specifically. But listening to the song, I think it's quite clear that sex was a very big part of it as well. Looking for that rush, that high. It's clear as day, for me anyway, in the lyrics.

(I think we could last forever I'm afraid that everything will disappear Just trust me)

[Verse 1] She's saying Baby, don't think about it There's not a bad thing here tonight Baby, you can leave it Stay with me until today

[Verse 2] Watch me go Wet me all night (Away) And morning too Don't come if you're drunk

In this loud music It fades me It's a drama-like story I'm get used to it Have you come far to find me that you used to know? Yeah, I know You know, I know (Ooh)

[Chorus] I'd rather be Lost in the lights Lost in the lights I'm outta my mind It holds to the end of this night Every night You spin me up high The moon that embraces you Let me have a taste

[Post-Chorus] Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

[Interlude] Mmm-hmm Yeah, hey Mmm-hmm Ooh-woah Mmm-hmm Mmm-hmm (Forever, you and I)

[Verse 3] Me reflects in the mirror I'm going crazy without hesitation I'm feelin' so alive, wasting time

I'd rather be Lost in the lights Lost in the lights I'm outta my mind It holds to the end of this night Every night You spin me up high The moon that embraces you Let me have a taste

[Post-Chorus] Give me a good ride (Oh, I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin') It's gon' be a good night (Oh, I'm fallin') Forever you and I

[Outro] This will break me This is gonna break me (Break me) No, don’t you wake me (Wake me) I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me Don't you try to save me (Save me) I need a way we (Way we) I need a way we can dream on (On, on, on)

Those are the lyrics he recorded.

But you see, there were changes made to the lyrics he was working on originally, and we got to see some of them.

This specifically:

Reading this draft and the final ones there are a few things that just fall into place for me (and I'd think for anyone that reads them), loud and clear:

First of all, obviously JM is singing about drinking too much alcohol. If the final lyrics hinted to losing himself in alcohol, the draft lyrics are ever so clear regarding that point.

Second of all, the sex. I think JM was pretty straight forward using the wording he was using. "Give me a good ride" can be other things, if you twist it around to try and explain it away, but bottom line, those lines within the context of the lines in the draft, like "just go turn off the light, you and me..." not to mention the whole chorus, to me the reference is obvious.

Next, I talked about the many references to JK in this song in this post:

This is all also relevant when it comes to my next point being the fact that to me it's clear that JM wrote this song referencing a special someone with whom he shares a high level of intimacy. A special someone that was there by his side when JM was struggling. A special someone that was struggling seeing JM going through everything he was.

To that person JM wrote (in the draft): "oh baby don't you cry, just wanna see your smile..."

These lines, they were too much. Too obvious. Too intimate. And they were left out probably because of just that.

So JM went with other lines. A little less obvious perhaps, and yet still very telling. The finale of the song:

No, don’t you wake me (Wake me) I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me Don't you try to save me (Save me) I need a way we (Way we) I need a way we can dream on (On, on, on)

Now, you could claim that the song is about an inner struggle. JM struggling with himself, talking to himself, and yes, that could very much be part of the message JM, the king of layering, is going for. But see, that's exactly the point. JM is the king of layering, of having several meanings and messages within his lyrics and creations. And this is not different. There is no mistaking the reference to another person, not JM himself, in the lyrics. The way he uses the "you" in the lyrics, at times could pass as you being the alcohol, at times the you being himself in the mirror, but at times it's clearly a third party he is talking to. Especially in that finale to the song, that someone that wants to lift him out of that stupor he is in, to wake him up, to save him, when he is unwilling, not ready to accept that help just yet (same person he asks not to cry, knowing that he is making them sad). There are also the clear JK references in this song. The "you are me I am you" being the loudest of them all.

But JM being JM, he showed us in his own way what this song was about, opening up and allowing us to see his drafts.

And then he gave us Letter. Hidden, and private and intimate. Addressed not to us, but to that person that was always there by his side, that person he addresses in Like Crazy telling him "forever you and I". Now, in Letter, being in a better, healthier place, he can repeat the sentiment of them together forever. A sentiment JK had mentioned in the past (omg, that was so very awkward).

And now using lines like : "I sincerely hope we are forever" and "But don’t forget that we’re always together"...

The lyrics, the sentiments, the drafted lyrics that never made it, like the use of "Dangshin", I have talked about it all. Letter was for JK. Period.

When seeing Like Crazy again, the lyrics, the struggle, the person by his side, the intimacy, and Letter, I'm kind of thinking that not only is Letter a love ode to JK. That is stating the obvious. But it's also JM's acknowledgement and thank you to that person that stood by his side in his most difficult of times.

JK.

Bottom line:

Like crazy is about JM struggling and self medicating with alcohol and sex.

It's personal about himself, his struggles, but also includes a person that is there by his side, one he is highly intimate with, one who is there with him together. That person is there, spending the nights with him, in that escape world JM created for himself. Sad seeing JM struggle, trying to find a way to help JM out of that pit but being unable to do so, staying by JM's side all the same.

We know who that person is.

Same person he addresses Letter to.

[txttletale]

My question about growth/the venture capitalist mindset is like … how have venture capitalists and the like not figured this out already? It’s been a decade, give or take a few years, since the internet started being monetized to hell and back, and if we all know they’re not really making a profit (bc no one clicks on ads, obviously) then why are the structures still in place?im looking at all this and I feel like a dunce bc I just don’t get how ppl can keep ofunelling money into something that we all know doesn’t work lol ! :0

there's a couple reasons for this, but the tldr of it is that if you're wile e. coyote and you're running in the air over the edge of a cliff, it's in your material interests not to look down

let's say you're a venture capitalist and you've put $10 million into hypnospace, the hot new social media site. when you invest into a company, you invest at a certain price--the company has an idea of how much it's worth, and that determines what price they'll sell their shares at. let's say you buy at $10 a share, so you have a million shares in hypnospace. that $10-a-share-valuation was based on hypnospace telling you (in, say, 2012, when this was still believable and even seemed self-evident) that becuse they were seeing huge growth in daily active users, they'd eventually become insanely profitable.

now usually even you, a venture capitalist, a lifeform mostly resembling a parasitic flatworm, might be a little cautious about this investment. will they really become profitable? it seems risky. however because it's 2012, the US federal reserve has been giving out loans at their ZIRP (zero interest rate policy) for four years in a response to the 2008 financial crisis. what that means is that it's incredibly cheap for banks to borrow money, which in turn means it's incredibly cheap for you, a venture capitalist, to borrow that money from banks. when money is cheap, risky investments make a lot of sense--when you can get an extremely low-interest-rate loan, throwing that money down the toilet is unfortunate but no longer catastrophic. so you put your $10 million into hypnospace because the risk is artificially lowered by the ZIRP, making it well worth the reward.

now it's five years later and it's 2017 and it's becoming increasingly clear that hypnospace.horse is probably not going to became the new facebook and that perhaps there will in fact only be one facebook. bummer. but you've still got a million shares in it. this means that you're directly invested--not in the company becoming profitable, but in the valuation of that company going up. if people can be convinced to buy hypnospace shares at $12-a-share, you can make off with a cool $2 million even though the website never did anything useful or made any money. on the other hand, if people start thinking 'hey, this website has never made any money and it's obviously never going to, why would we buy shares in it'--shares plummet to $1 a share, and you're out $9 million! worst case scenario!

so even if you, the venture capitalist, realize that the website's a boondoggle, it's in your best interest to convince everyone around you that no, it really will become profitable, and its shares (that you hold some of!) are really valuable and you should want to buy them. and this doesn't just mean lying to other venture capitalists (although they love doing this)--capitalists pay close attention to sales of stocks. if you realize that hypnospace is never going to make money and decide to cut your losses and abruptly offload all million shares, other capitalists will interpret that for what it means--that you've totally lost confidence in seeing return on your investment--and many of them will panic and also start selling their shares, while capitalists with no hypnospace shares will think 'boy, this hypnospace thing seems like a real wash, i don't want to buy shares in that'.

so what do you do? you keep putting money in. if the company's increasing in valuation the more it grows, then even if you're crystal-clear aware that growth has no path to profitability, you still gain wealth for every month that the business stays afloat by burning money, because the valuation goes up and your shares are worth more. the ideal outcome for a venture capitalist investing into a tech company is to make a big investment, let the company bleed money while it grows for several years, then sell--not all at once, not abruptly, and not while the price is in stagnation or decline. it's one big game of hot potato for when the gig is finally up. not every venture capitalist has to be a totally credulous dipshit--just the last one in the line.

[virahaus]

Thinking more obikin thoughts,,,,

(I should make this a series at this point aknsksns)

Anyway in a fix it universe where padme and Anakin are just besties, and Obi-Wan promised Anakin that after the war they could do whatever they want (comic compliant that's right),,, we arrive to completely-oblivious-of-his-feelings!Anakin & trying-to-woo-your-former-padawan!Obiwan combo 👀

Obi-Wan trying to give Anakin presents and bring him out on dates all over the galaxy, keeping his arm always around Anakin's waist and being affectionate,,,, all of this and Anakin, while drinking it up like a sponge, just doesn't get it. He thinks Obi-Wan is being affectionate because the war is over and after their last almost-death situation the council just doesn't care to reprimand about their obvious attachment anymore.

All of this is resolved, impossibly, by anonymous fanmail. The Jedi (even if they survived in this scenario) took a mighty blow on their public imagine with all the subtle propaganda Palpatine sprouted about them so they are trying to reply to the galaxy concerns and misconceptions about them. All jedi who are knights and masters are eligible for this fan mail stunt and the more famous they are the more of it they get.

Anakin gets a lot of fanmail where they gush about his and Obi-Wan romantic relationship and while at the start he's totally dumbfounded about it, the more they cite things he and Obi-Wan have been doing in these last few months (and years, let's be honest) the more he being (unknowingly) in a relationship with Obi-Wan makes sense. He gets his freak out with padme (who thought they were just being discreet and smacks some good sense into Anakin) and so for the next outing Obi-Wan organises for them, Anakin tries to up the game to see how Obi-Wan responds,,,, and Obi-Wan is Enthusiastic™ about it (poor man was going mad thinking he was doing something Wrong and now all of a sudden Anakin begins to initiate,, some more encouraging touches so he's Ecstatic).

Just think: them going on romantic dates for months, but with no kisses, Obi-Wan staying patient because he knows Anakin has never done this before but getting progressively more depressed thinking he may have interpreted this wrong, and then out of the blue Anakin kisses him after their date. Obi-Wan mind is blown. Man is going to worship is boy now that he has the all clear lmao

(even funnier is thinking about Obi-Wan pestering other jedi about it and getting smashed while crying that Anakin maybe changes his mind. Quinlan just drops him into his apartment and vows to never ask about Anakin again while Obi-Wan drinks: it only gets him Obi-Wan dirty old man rants or his infinite sadness rants. No in between).

Even more hilarious is the fanmail being explicit at some point (everyone says to Anakin that he must be enjoying Obi-Wan big dick energy so much) and Anakin first thought is be offended that ppl would think of him as the bottom - and then getting turned on by the thought of being fucked into incoherence by Obi-Wan. Classical Anakin behaviour Mr."I want to be in control" and then having a meltdown the second he gets the supposed control he wanted. Poor boy just needs to be fucked pliant and he'll be good.

Anyway, that's it. My 1 am obikin thoughts strike again.

[talxe]

Reading the Iliad, Book 19 thoughts

This is my first time ever reading it and I know next to nothing abt greek mythology so if I interpret anything wrong by all means pls correct me

Im reading the Robert Fagles translation

Achilles and Agamemnon were acting really damn lame in this book

Thetis meets up with Achilles and lays his new armor at his feet. Achilles is face down still crying over Patroclus's body.

"He's gone bro 😐 get up" - Thetis

This armor is so divine and shit mortal men can't look at it for too long be it glistens so bright

So now Achilles is all set to head into battle

but Achilles doesn't want to leave Pat's body bc he fears that worms, and flies, and all that will defile his corpse

Thetis tells her son, to not worry about that bc she will make sure no decomposition sets in and Pat could lie there for a year and his body would still be fresh

Achilles calls a meeting between the men in the camp

All the important ppl show up. They're like all injured tho

Achilles starts talking to Agamemnon abt how their fight was really stupid and how he wishes Artemis had struck Briseis down with an arrow the day he stormed Lyrnessus.....

Just die already, Achilles.

Because it was so obviously her fault and not the actions of the childish men who now control her entire life😀

Achilles you got an arrow coming your way too my friend

So Agamemnon (Yk the one who really started it all and later took responsibility for to) says "Yeah the gods really robbed us of our senses for a moment there😕."

FOR 19 BOOKS????

LITERALLY BLAMING EVERYONE BUT THEMSELVES

JOJO HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?

And he STILL gives Achilles all the shit he offered him in book 9

Odysseus gets up in front of everyone and pitches to the idea that Agamemnon swear an oath to the gods and to everyone else that he never raped Briseis.

Odysseus, I would think you would fucking hate oaths considering the last oath you suggested everyone make

Achilles really wants to go fuck up the Trojans like NOW so he basically says "No one eats until we avenge Patroclus😡"

But Ody tells Achilles that they all should eat so they can have the energy to fight in the first place and runs off to grab Achilles' gifts

One gift being Briseis herself

Agamemnon swears the oath. (His ass was probably lying)

The meeting ends and everyone goes back to their tents

Once Achilles and Birseis enter his tent, Birseis see that Patroclus dropped like a fucking fly

She begins to cry and beat at her chest. Somewhere in the middle of all that she says "Patroclus, you never let me mourn my husband and brothers when Achilles murdered them and you promised to make Achilles marry me. You were always so kind🥺."

I GUESS NO ONE TOLD HER??

Anyway girl don't cry, one of your oppressors is dead. Celebrate.

Agamemnon, Nestor, Menelaus, Odysseus, Idomeneus, and Phoenix are still trying to get Achilles to eat be he refuses out of mourning for Patroclus.

Achilles laments that Patroclus would always serve them a meal but now he can't anymore.

oh....😭

Achilles has such a way of making you hate him all the while feeling bad for him.

He says that even should he learn of his own father's death (Peleus), the pain would still not compare to what he feels for Patroclus's death

THEN Achilles says that Patroclus was supposed to get Neoptolemus and bring him back to Achilles' homeland and show him all his wealth.

Achilles literally had a whole life planned out for his loved ones after he was gone.

How much time did he spend preparing Patroclus for a life without him only for Pat to die first😭

Cut to Athena and Zeus. He asks "Hello? don't you like Achilles or whatever🤨 why are you letting him suffer?"

Athena goes down and instills nector and ambrosia within him to stave off the hunger.

I shit you not the fucking horses start talking.

As Achilles is preparing for battle he starts talking to the damn horses.

"Ok, you guys really dropped the ball last time. You need to make sure your charioteer actually comes back alive this time. Remember how you left Patroclus?" - Achilles

LMAOOO the blame game just won't fucking stop.

And to horse go "Achilles ur going to die soon by the way."

Achilles is no phased and just says that he already knows all of that.

They go into battle.

The end

[cylove]

raijinshuu/thunder legion headcanons:

these will be about dynamics within the group ! some of these hcs will be under the pretense that they all live together

bickslow designed laxus’ tattoo design. i personally see bickslow as an artsy guy, if we consider his dolls to be self made. i like the idea of bickslow helping laxus with a form of self-expression since laxus had identity issues back when he was younger. i think it would have been one of the major moments in their friendship

bickslow calls everyone in the group baby INCLUDING laxus. thats his babe. i dont know when laxus starts allowing that to happen, but its definitely a thing now. it probably started with only freed and ever being called baby, but one day he called laxus baby too and reallyyyyy deep inside laxus enjoyed being close enough to have that term of endearment too

everyone knows the names of bickslow's babies. they could pretend and say "they're all so similar, how am i supposed to know who's who??" but they know. i would even go so far as to say they can discern the different personalities of his dolls. like the raijinshuu have been a thing for years, its not unbelievable that they remember the names of 5 dolls during that time. sure they all sound very similar but its not impossible to get it right

i see the raijinshuu as family but not any concrete dynamics like mom/dad or siblings like some people hc EXCEPT bicks and ever that feels like an older brother terrorizing his little sister. everyone has seen the way he teases her about elfman lol. this getting slightly off track but i do ship bicks and lisanna, because the day that bicks and ever actually become siblings will be the funniest day ever

their hypothetical house is soooo interesting to me. like i wouldn’t say it’s ugly but… it certainly has character. it’s like bickslow’s paintings and woodcarvings on the walls or coffee tables. freed’s knitted throw blankets and filled bookshelves, evergreen’s potted plants near the windows and not as unsettingly stone statues, and laxus’ persian rug in the living room RANDOM IK but i think he’d bring something beautiful to the table. that and a nice record player. he’s considerate and keeps his leopard print to the bedroom

in terms of cooking, freed does it the most, hes pretty skilled (except for the flying fish incident) and more importantly more driven to not let everyone fend for themselves for food

evergreen can cook too, but only a select few recipes which shes really gotten down. shes lazy to cook though and since freed has that sense of duty, shes more than happy to let him take over

bickslow is fine, many ppls interpretation of his backstory notes he used to be in a circus and i agree! i hc he was one of the older teens there and he probably had to help out with cooking from time to time. but again freed is there, so he chooses not to. if hes in the mood he'll make food that tastes perfectly fine and with a fun presentation. think likeeee the sauce being drizzled around the meal, stuff like that

laxus.. sandwich.. you may then wonder how he survived pre-shared living situation and to answer that he just ate at the guide before he goes home. or just eats out because hes a nepo baby. or chicken and salad, literally nothing complicated or else he messes it up. like he tried to cook for them once, but they all arrive home and its like "oh thank god you guys are here, help me im stuck on the steaks but the potatoes are gonna burn" freed unfortunately finds it very endearing and decides to cook with him

because everyone doesnt cook as much, freed makes them take up the other chores of the house, laxus and bickslow taking out the garbage (evergreen: did you honestly expect me to touch trash?!) , cleaning after dinner, etc

as for washing clothes its evergreen and laxus. evergreen wants to make sure everything is being separately or hung up properly. she and laxus probably have the most clothing items so it makes sense. as for laxus have you seen that one translated comic where freed breaks into his house? he was STRESSED leaving his clothes in the washer. he definitely cares for his leather and the likes

evergreen is laxus' backscratcher, he loveessss her long nails so they could just sit on the couch watching tv while she drags her nails down his back. ive always liked how casually physical she is with him based on 2 the times she hugs him, which is a pathetic amount but for side characters ill treasure it

evergreen whacks everyone with her fan if they annoy her she does not gaf. happens the most to bickslow for obvious reasons. this is a specific scenario but if shes hanging on the couch opposite to one of them, she'll also just shove her feet into their faces when they say something she doesnt like LMAO. its just playful fighting

they definitely get back at her, just simple stuff like shutting off the light in her room randomly and forcing her to get up, usually they do this when she has to be called for dinner. she throws her pillow at whoever's at the door and proceeds to have to pick it up for herself

laxus is a sniff kisser :) not super intrusive but still intimate, this is mostly towards ever and freed since theyre shorter than him. with bickslow he wears his helmet a lot so he doesnt have the chance to nearly as much. he does tease him and tells him he reeks when hes helmet-less tho. its just a very quick sniff kiss to the hair for all of them. hes a very sensory type of person ever since he became a dragon slayer and really enjoys the comforting scent of his friends

[fawnfictions]

i know there’s a lot of this same prompt on this app but i love your writing and i would love to see it from you <33

OK!! Macaque and Wukong with a gender natural reader which simply LOVES their fur and gets really clingy on their tail and ear(s for macaque :3), treating them like a literal plushie

monkie plush!

— wukong & macaque, gn!reader

i feel the need to personally apologise for how many months it took for me to post this <//3 i've been SO SLOW recently,, i can't guarantee i'll be getting any faster, either

heheuwudhhey!! none of u should worry about sending me an ask with a 'common' prompt—just because someone else has done it before, doesn't mean i won't want to write it!!! i like giving ppl my own opinion on these sorts of headcanons LOL

;; fluff, fluff, and more fluff!! (+mention of something more spicy, but nothing explicit)...

WUKONG

- he RELISHES in any affection you give him, and he isn't afraid to show it.

- you'll come up behind him, embrace him while rubbing your face in his fur, and he will MELT.

- leans back into your arms, wrapping his tail around you to pull you even closer; and, if you're listening closely, you might hear quiet purring.

- honestly, he'll do the same to you — compared to monkey hair, human hair is VERY soft and feels very nice :3

- cuddles between you two are just constantly rubbing your faces in each others hair.

- i can also imagine that his tail would be sensitive, as most monkey's tails are...

- be careful, though, because certain areas of his tail are more sensitive than others — you may run into a situation you didn't mean to...

- ...ANYWAYS

- while i can imagine him being the big spoon a majority of the time, he could TOTALLY be a little spoon.

- he enjoys being able to hold YOU, since he likes feeling in control, and as if he's protecting you, but he'll happily sit back and let you cuddle him.

- play with his hair, twirl his tail, brush him...

- tbh, the other monkeys would probably join you a lot, interpreting it as a grooming session.

- me and the boys [monkeys], grooming each other on a sunday morning.

- he will complain, though, if you don't let him cuddle YOU sometimes.

- you two are almost sickening with the amount of PDA you show; cue MK pretending to puke in the background, but Wukong does have SOME decency, and will get a little embarrassed if you take it too far.

- if you're both out in public, chilling in Megapolis or something, and you start rubbing your face in his fur and cooing at him? he'll go red pretty quickly, and shyly respond with small affections in an attempt to sate your clinginess for now.

- this especially goes for being around people he feels the need to keep a reputation up with — like, the brotherhood, although most of them would laugh it off, they'll tease him for it at some point, or anyone from the celestial realm.

- he'll make it up to you later with plenty of cuddles, but for now? he's gotta look cool and tough in front of lil' old Nezha /j

MACAQUE

- hes touch starved as hell (we all know it).

- BUT he gets shy when it comes to affection, but he's hypocritical about it...

- constantly drapes himself over your shoulders, resting his head on top of your own when he gets the chance, etc etc.

- however, if you DARE even try to hug him, he's gonna get real nervous.

- doesn't know how to properly relax at your touch; he may not exactly move away from you, but he won't lean into it (at first).

- this especially goes for PDA – he loves you, but not now; he's gotta look cool and mysterious at all times.

- if you're with people that he lets his guard down around, he'll be a bit more playful with you.

- he notices you attempting to sneak behind him for a cuddle attack? next thing you know, theres a familiar cape-covered arm thrown over your shoulder, blocking your affection with his own with a teasing smile.

- he IS different when in private, though !!

- more willing to give in to your touches, but it is clear that he's unsure how to feel about it.

- after a while, though, i feel that he would learn to find a lot of comfort in your hands ?

- like, if he's had a rough day, he'll probably seek you out to be showered in affection,, in a way, it makes him feel very loved and worthy.

- he's such a little spoon too, i'm sorry LOL

- but he has his confident days, just ask and he'll be happy to be the one holding you instead.

- it took a while for him to be comfortable with normal affection, yeah? well, it's gonna take even LONGER for him to be comfortable with touching his ears, let alone losing the glamour on them.

- the day he lets his glamour down around you, is the day he's decided that you're stuck with him forever, sorry to break it to you...

- his ears are VERY sensitive, so please be careful, he's very cautious with you touching them.

- but he'll never admit how nice it feels for you to massages his ears, especially with how much stress they give him from the loud noises in the city (not that you can't tell, he's practically melted into your lap and would ABSOLUTELY be purring if he could).

- overall, it takes time, and he won't ever be fully comfortable with PDA, but he's a big softie in private <3

[changetheprophecy81]

Hot take on Lily's characterization in this fandom

Ik I've written abt this before but I really cannot understand y this fandom insists on limiting lily's characterization to being good and right all the time and making the narrative sympathetic towards her even when she isn't coz ppl don't want haters for her. And this makes sense coming from the new marauders fandom coz they see all of their favs as incapable of being wrong. But I can't understand y the traditional marauders fandom acts this way too coz they tout themselves as being oh so progressive, but they write lily exactly the way rowling wrote her but in a different sense

Rowling wrote all the women in the franchise with the lens of what she sees as an 'ideal woman', but imo lily gets hit by this the most. She exists to further the narratives of other, more important characters, everything we ever hear abt her r positive attributes (harry goes thru tht phase in ootp where he realizes tht his father whom he looked up to so much was a flawed person, for whatever reason his mother is exempted from this), and the highlight of her life was dying for her son(despite the fact tht james did the same and we do know quite a bit abt him).

The conventional view of women has progressed beyond this now, but i d argue tht the underlying issue hasn't been resolved. I get tht fandom is a space for relaxation and fun, but then y do ppl hv a problem with lily being a tad bit flawed in a bad way when the boys r literally out there murdering each other and becoming fascists? The fandom sees her with the modern lens of what an ideal woman is(intentionally or unintentionally)- she's a perfect sjw who starts off with all the right values and has nothing to learn and grow from- she's an ideal feminist, she's always understanding, sympathetic and accepting, she accepts remus instantly, she's the moral voice in the marauders vs snape debate, she always stands up for the underdog, she doesn't let societal prejudices influence her views and waver her morals, etc etc. And while these r undoubtedly very fine qualities to hv, thts not how things work. Ur not being progressive by writing a woman who has no growing and learning to do like a normal person, and who's never allowed to be wrong in a way tht hurts others without making her sympathetic

Let lily be a catty bitch in a way tht can be interpreted as 'cheeky and vivacious' from an outsider's pov. Let lily not hv any proper female friends because she was a popular, well liked girl in high school who wasn't really a girl's girl. Let her be hated by ppl for reasons outside being a muggleborn and being friends with snape. Let her be friendless coz she's just a bad friend, she literally almost smiled when her best friend was being assaulted. Let her be homophobic coz it was the 70s and her social circle consisted of ppl lyk teenage snape and petunia. Let her not be accepting of remus immediately coz the whole ww was prejudiced against werewolves and she's new to it. There r infinite possibilities and none of them need to take away her good aspects in canon, much lyk they don't with the boys

LET HER BE FLAWED AND COMPLICATED AND CONTRAVESIAL COZ WHO CARES, SHE'S NOT FUCKING REAL

[bloomzone]

Hey Bloom,

Me and my friend were doing the morning announcements at our school for a month and on the last day, I messed up a bit and couldn't go through with it. I froze. I backed away while my friend encouraged me to continue but I just couldn't. I don't know why it happened or what went through my head but I'm just really ashamed of myself and I'm overthinking way too much. I'm even considering changing schools just because of this. Maybe the reason I'm so embarrassed by this is because there were a few people there and and I messed up in front of all of them. I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I can't stop thinking about it despite it happening two days ago.

Do you have any tips on dealing with embarrassing moments and self-criticizing thoughts?

you need the “get out of your own head” energy

you're overthinking something that won’t even matter next week girlie , ur brain keeps looping that awkward moment like for exemple what happened to u in the morning announcement but girlie fr zoom out. You’re not defined by one weird laugh, one clumsy sentence, or one mistake. You’re not that one scene you’re the entire story there is plenty of episodes in ur story . Two weeks from now? You’ll barely remember what you’re spiraling over today. Two scrolls. Two solid nights of sleep. That’s how fast things shift.

And while we're being real nobody is thinking about you as much as you think they are. That girl who glanced at you weird or that guy who saw you mess up those teacher they’ve seen worse and probably didn’t give it a second thought. People are way too wrapped up in their own lives to analyze yours.

Your mind is lying to you when it says “everyone noticed.” When it says “you blew it.” That’s just insecurity. That’s not reality and it's normal to feel this way .You’re allowed to mess up. You’re allowed to be human what you're not allowed to do is keep beating yourself up like it makes anything better It doesn’t It just keeps you stuck.

I had a rough moment last week too. I felt dumb, I wanted to disappear because I'm also an over thinker like u (I had to read a long text with difficult words IN FRENCH by myself Infront of class and I messed up too and there was like 60 person who love judging ppl ) But I didn’t I didn't k!ll myself ofc I turned off my phone, had something to eat, went to bed and watched a good movie . And life moved on like it always does.You don’t need to erase the moment. You just need to outlive it.

So next time your brain starts spiraling, cut it off:

1. Say exactly what happened. Out loud.

Stop letting it loop. Say it like a fact.

“I tripped in front of everyone.”“I stuttered when I was talking.”“I said something awkward in class.”

That’s all it is a single, small moment in one day of your entire life.

2. Remind yourself that literally no one cares like you do.

People don’t have the time or energy to obsess over your awkward moment.They’re busy thinking about their own life. Their own problems. you are not the center of anyone’s judgmental universe. That’s your anxiety lying to you.

3. Cut the drama :

Yes, it felt like the end of the world.But what actually happened? You had a human moment u are a human and also them . It passed. The earth didn’t stop.Don’t build a whole identity around one glitch.

4. Move your body. Get out of your head.

do 20 push-ups or go in a run outside. Take a cold shower,go shopping,watch a movie,draw,go see nature, listen to music .. do what make u happy at that moment like it's last day of ur live

Change your state = shut down the spiral.

5. Ask this and answer it honestly:

“What’s the worst that actually happened?”

You got embarrassed. That’s it.

You didn’t ruin your life. You didn’t burn every bridge toward ur dream u didn’t become unlovable.You had a moment. That’s all.

journal prompts idea :

1. What’s the story I’m telling myself about this moment?

Write down how you’re interpreting the situation. Is it really as bad as you think?

2. What does my inner critic say right now?

Write out the voice in your head that’s been criticizing you. Now, challenge that voice. What would you say to someone else if they were speaking this way to themselves?

3. How does this moment define me?

Does it actually? Or is your embarrassment making it bigger than it needs to be?

4. Why am I giving this one moment so much power?

Break down why this particular thing is still on ur mind. Is it really that important in the grand scheme of your life?

5. How would I see this moment if it happened to someone else?

Would I judge them the same way I’m judging myself? Probably not. Why do I treat myself differently?

6. What does it say about me that I’m embarrassed about this?

What does this feeling of embarrassment reveal? Is it about fear of judgment or something deeper about how I see myself?

7. When’s the last time I embarrassed myself and survived?

Look back on other moments of embarrassment. How did you move through them? What’s different now?

8. What does my fear of judgment say about my self-worth?

If I’m scared people are judging me, what does that say about how I see myself? Am I attaching my value to their opinions?

9. What would I say to someone who is in my shoes right now?

If someone else was feeling the same embarrassment, how would I comfort them? Use those same words for yourself.

10. How can I start being more compassionate to myself in these moments?

Write down ways you can show more kindness when you mess up. Think about how you can support yourself instead of tearing yourself down.

11. What’s the truth behind my inner critic?

Write about how your inner critic isn’t telling you the full truth. What parts of it are lies?

12. What’s something I’ve done recently that I’m proud of?

Counterbalance the self-criticism by reminding yourself of your strength and accomplishments.

13. What’s my definition of failure, and is this embarrassing moment actually failure?

Is this moment truly a failure, or is it just a small stumble in your journey?

14. How does my embarrassment hold me back from moving forward?

How much space are you allowing embarrassment to take up in your life? What’s it stopping you from doing?

15. What can I learn from this embarrassing moment that will help me grow?

Shift your perspective , what lesson is here for you? How can you use this experience to do better next time?

@bloomzone

[bvrningfrost]

What did you think about the epilogue chapter???

lowkey the best and worst thing that ever happened to me, it shattered my heart into million pieces seeing baby uraume like that, i wrote my own backstory about them months ago and i also included that they had no control over their ability in their sleep but gege went much harder with them literally accidentally killing the ppl around them bc of that...

i love how natural and nonchalant their first meeting with sukuna was, imo you could immediately tell how comfortable they are in each other's presents, especially uraume sensed absolutely zero danger from him which we know is a first for sukuna bc of his last line in that epilogue that i cant even properly think about bc this whole "why aren't you cold around me" thing they both had going on in there is like the most emotionally impactful thing in the entirety of jjk to me *pukes blood*

overall i think it was PERFECT, didn't align 100% with my own headcanons but its okay, im just gonna write an alternative backstory for them

now to the negative side of the epilogue... the reaction from the fandom is catastrophically to say the least, don't get me wrong, i think we should all interpret things in fiction the way we want, my problem starts when others are judging and literally harassing ppl for their own interpretations, so many ppl said they're no longer ship sukume and even deleted their fanarts and what not which is heartbreaking to me bc we were SO close to get out of rareship hell, but ofc that's their choice... the backlash i receive specifically on tiktok is something else tho, the insults that have been thrown at me are so disgusting, they went from calling me a freak, p3do to saying that i support CP (????!!!!) i just find it so upsetting that me and my partner will get ripped apart to shreds for creating sukume content, this ship means so much to us, no one on this planet could ever understand that and we already don't get a lot of support for our work and now it will just get much worse + we need to deal with straight up bullying, nothing, absolutely nothing will ever change our love for sukume and how much passion we have for them and our creativity with them is forever endless, we will carry the entire sukume fandom on our own shoulders if we have to istg, its just a little bit hard for us right now but it will be okay, the right ppl who appreciate our art will find us and the trash takes itself out lmaooo

anyways, sorry for the wall of text, i could talk about uraume and sukuna for an entire lifetime and it wouldn't be enough

[queezleish]

The character of Alana Bloom: a not that coheorant ramble :3

I’ve always had a soft spot for Alana since my first watch for Hannibal. I think when I first watched I didn’t really think about her character but now after a view rewatches I’m entirely hooked by her character. Especially on the different ways you can view her when she’s “helping” people.

On the one hand all she wanted to do was help and she tried so hard to do so-- while rewatching season 1/2 u can see just how much she cares, especially as opposed to season 3 where u can see how getting caught up with these ppl and in hannibals life toughened her, turning her into the more ruthless and cold character we end the show with. And it's so tragic. It's SO tragic. This girl wanted to HELP PEOPLE but by the end she's so completely changed, so much that we see her actively seeking out to hurt and or kill different people more than once (to her credit those ppl were also murders but my point stands) .

BUT ON THE OTHER HANDDD

…..... Back in season 1, did she want to help those ppl for them or for herself?

Ive started to look back and view Alana's season 1 actions, specifically towards Will, with distain because It has always read weird to me. And I'm starting to think it's because even from the beginning she's been a very selfish person- I think she did care for Will but I think it can be read as more out of a selfish desire to help/fix/mother someone in a sense

Like that is a grown ass man babe……… idk especially considering the closeness or lack there of between will and Alana I think you can totally read Alana’s actions towards him stemming from a selfish desire to “fix”. (not saying being selfish is bad, sometimes that’s just how it be…(honestly I can make a whole another rant on the selfishness of Alana))

I don’t know if this is a hot take or not but, I feel like the two “sides” I’ve touched upon with her character are what her character gets boiled down to and I’m here to say…. Let’s not????

I understand not liking her for xyz reasons (which is so valid and me too) but I truly believe she’s so complex from a character standpoint and i think we should acknowledge this more as a fandom as opposed to boiling her down to one or two defining moments (this is especially important bc the few women of Hannibal are already given the short end of the stick and not explored upon enough as is…..but that is an entirely different rant)

While rambling about this I'm at the conclusion that maybe Alana Bloom is just a flawed character; she could’ve really wanted to help Will and Jack and with that came along the feelings of fixing/saving. And through this you can see that “fixing/helping" makes her personally feel good and that probably contributes to why she does what she does as well. Even if she doesn’t do it great either-- she definitely showed her subconscious biases and maybe ended up hurting more than helping along the way in her desire to fix/help...but that doesn't mean she never actually cared...i think u can see that she did because why else would she be constantly trying to do good ??? (At least season 1/2)

I mean it's rlly up to personal interpretation- there's a billion ways to read media, but as I was ranting to my friends about some of my gripes with her actions, I realized as I was talking, I was saying too little. I felt like I was misrepresenting. Hence my rambles

UGHHH she can just be read as SUCH a complex character and I really do think it’s an injustice to boil her down to one or two defining characteristics and the way she helps ppl is sosososo interesting to ME!

[teatraps]

Would it make sense if I said that it feels like when people interpret Edgar, they’re more interested in Edgar as a concept than his actual character? Sometimes it feels like they’re fascinated with the idea of this guy who’s completely consumed by his love of art but then don’t go in depth on the actual build up to that love, his morals, his values, or his motives.

Whenever there’s an artist in idv, their art is usually an extension of a deeper desire. Phillipe uses his wax sculptures to embody his sense of justice and righteousness (it’s a flawed idea of justice, but that’s a different discussion). Vera’s perfumes are tied to her desire for acceptance and acknowledgment in the way that her perfume would’ve been the ticket to getting attention and the way that she’s now trying to use Euphoria to erase herself and become Vera which would give her acceptance. Aesop engages in the art of embalming, but it also acts as his way of trying to “preserve” people while they’re in their “best state” and spare them from life. Anne likes to make toys, but it also works as a way to show her desire for motherhood and her attempts to cling to childhood (I think, I don’t know Anne that well). The ripper uses the art of murder to subvert the minds of others and make a statement. Galatea uses her sculptures to try and obtain the physical maturity she knows she’ll never get.

All of these characters, and many more that I didn’t mention, use their art form as an extension of themselves and the art is tied to their goals. But when I see ppl interpret Edgar, it’s like his motives come second and the art comes first. People understand that Edgar is incredibly fixated on art, but why he loves art so much seems to get lost in translation a lot of times. It makes his character seem aimless because he literally only exists to paint. They don’t elaborate on why he paints or what significance it has for his overall character. If a character is going to be so centered around their obsession, then there should be a reason why they’re so obsessed, but a lot of the interpretations I see don’t go deeper on that part. That’s not to say he doesn’t have a reason, I’d argue he does and it’s stated in his deductions with the whole “life is beautiful and the brush can preserve that beauty.” People usually ditch this part of his character, writing it off as a part of his personality that’s just gone now because of all the bad stuff that happened to him. But then the question becomes, why does he still paint? If he really doesn’t have any hope for this world and thinks everything sucks and doesn’t even want to engage with it anymore, then what is he still picking up the brush for?

(Also this is just provably not true because the last thing he says in his deductions is “life is always odd, yet pleasant,” showing he still does like life and appreciates the beauty it holds.)

I think this is why people are chill with the idea of Edgar basically only existing to die in the narrative and don’t question his actions further. People accept the idea of Edgar sacrificing himself for his art while not asking how that helps his art in the first place. Since they don’t look deeper into Edgar’s motives outside of “he wants to create a masterpiece and he likes to paint,” they can blindly accept the idea that he just dies for his art. He doesn’t need to have a motive outside of that because his only motive in a lot of ppl’s interpretations is just painting. It feels like a bit of a cop-out because he literally has no reason to be doing all of this. Since they disregarded all of the parts of his character that involve why he started painting in the first place (being his love of life and a desire to capture its beauty) it makes it feel like he’s just messing around and waiting for someone to come along and just kill him. Since he has no real motives, values, or desires, he essentially becomes fodder for Patricia to kill. As it stands with this kind of interpretation, he can’t do much else. If he’s not fighting for anything or trying to achieve or maintain anything, all he really can do is die. And not even die with a purpose because again, this type of interpretation doesn’t elaborate on how his death helped his art at all. It comes off as some random edgy ending to a character with no defined goal. Then they explain it away with “he’s unhinged” as if that actually explains anything about his character or motives.

When he said “I don’t care about anything except art” a lot of people took that at face value. They didn’t take into account the symbolism of art in Edgar’s narrative, or the reactionary nature of that statement as a response to Edgar realizing he’s being groomed. I say this a lot, but Edgar’s art symbolizes a lot of things in his storyline. It represents his psyche, like with his paintings egging him on to kill Sarai. It represents his love of life as I stated earlier. It represents the bonds he forms with others like how he relates colors to people he cared about. He uses art metaphors a lot to explain his thoughts and how he processes events, like when he says he had a dream of Sarai guiding his hand across a canvas being one of the main first signs of Sarai grooming him. People take Edgar’s word very literally but often times when he’s talking about art, it can be extended to mean something else.

In general, it just feels like people don’t ask why enough when it comes to their Edgar analysis. Why does he paint? Why couldn’t he find inspiration in his home? Why does he think going to the manor will help him? Why did he hate the aristocracy so much? The answers to these questions are in his plot, but people don’t seem to engage with them. When Edgar says he hates the aristocracy people tend to hone in on the fact he says that they don’t understand or respect art, but going back to the whole art metaphors thing, that’s not all he’s mad about. He’s constantly talking about their greed, hypocrisy, and gossiping. He finds them shallow which shows Edgar’s values. He values people genuinely caring for one another. He doesn’t like when people make up stuff about others and ostracize people based on it. His criticisms of his father in his 3rd letter could extend to the entire aristocracy as a whole. They’re all more focused on status and wealth than the actual content of their character. But this all gets lost under the idea that he literally just didn’t like the aristocracy because they didn’t like art enough which I’m sorry but that is such a garbage and shallow reason. Especially when, again, most people cannot actually pinpoint why Edgar even likes to paint in the first place. It doesn’t do the complexity of his character justice. When Edgar says, “life is beautiful and the brush can preserve that beauty,” it gives him a motive. He’s not just painting to paint, he’s painting to make the overwhelming love and astonishment he has for life tangible. When Edgar is clocking his dad’s tea, it shows his morals. It shows that he thinks it’s wrong to use and/or neglect people for fame and status. However, all of these things are expressed through metaphor, which is when things start getting lost. His resentment of the aristocracy is said through saying they don’t respect art. Edgar’s adoration for all life has to offer is shown through his dedication to his art. Edgar’s frustration with his father is described by him as his father using his art. And even though Edgar is talking about art, it means so much more than that.

People play with the concepts of a rich kid who resents his peers but don’t look into why he does. People play with the concept of someone who’s unhealthily committed to his craft, but don’t examine why he is. People like the idea of Edgar, but they don’t seem to engage with the actual character of Edgar. They see the concepts but don’t see what the writers are saying with these concepts through Edgar and this results in having what feels like a shallow, bratty kid who has no actual motivations or goals and then dies for an unsatisfying ending to his story. It gives no closure, says nothing about his character, and feels like it was something an edgy 12 year old came up with as a “cool and controversial” finale for an underdeveloped character.

I could go even further as say this is why there’s such a big shipping scene for Edgar but very little content regarding how he interacts with others in his actual canon lore. Because this type of interpretation of Edgar is so far removed from everything and everyone else, basically living entirely in his own head until he dies, people put him in ships with basically every character to fill the perceived void of interactions Edgar has in canon. They seek to expand his character and who he could be with all these ships because it feels like he doesn’t have much of a character in canon. Now this isn’t true, but I believe it is perceived that way by the fandom. I also think this is why a lot of people who aren’t fans of him find him shallow. His general demeanor off put them (and it was supposed to, he is a character built on misdirection) and when they try to look deeper into him through what his fans say, it sounds more like a list of concepts than an actual character. This again makes him seem underdeveloped and boring to them, so they go on to call his character shallow and boring. Probably why you also see people go to the furthest extremes when characterizing him, either making him downright deplorable or overly sweet and kind. People don’t investigate the things that formed him into who he is outside of the very surface level, leading people to portray him in an almost caricature of his actual traits. He’s arrogant? Then he must be a complete jerk to everyone and have zero regard for other people. He cares deeply about his art? Then his art is quite literally number one priority, no matter who has to get hurt to achieve that. He can be a bit standoffish? Then he must go out of his way to be rude to people he views as lesser. And who does he deem lesser? Everyone apparently, because when he was talking about the way people don’t understand art, people don’t analyze what understanding art even means for Edgar. They don’t analyze what Edgar’s critiques of the aristocracy are when it came to the way they consumed art outside of this vague idea of ���they just don’t get it” which is so devoid of actual meaning that people just assume that idea projects onto literally everyone. He’s mentally ill and struggles with psychosis? Then he’s an absolutely deranged and unhinged freak who can barely function (and that’s not even covering how toxic of an interpretation that is when it comes to mental illness as well as completely disregards the fact that Edgar is explicitly stated and shown to be rational and good at taking in his surroundings).

Edgar is a character that requires a lot of engagement, especially since his character is built on misdirection. The audience has to be willing to accept that the writers are misleading them about his character and try to look deeper into his words and actions to understand his true character. Unfortunately, it feels like a lot of ppl don’t want to.

[cruyuu]

hii! that mini-rant of yours abt sukuita was beautiful. i'm just curious about ur thoughts regarding them and what made you like them so much?? (and it's good that you moved off twitter, it's a nasty place)

Hello anon!

I'll start by agreeing with you– that app really is annoying. I was thinking of moving off it because some ppl's interpretations of characters in jjk just started pissing me off but when I got those same ppl screaming in my qrts over and over how I can like this insane, disgusting ship (while they enjoyed twisted shit as well and get a clap on the back for it, I get judged for it like come on) I knew it was time.

As for what made me like them so much– even if they are problematic and kinda ???– well, strap in.

(I'm kinda angry there aren't more analyses of them but... oh well. Only #real fans of jjk know that Sukuna secretly is a fan of Yuuji and that he doesn't want to kill him because he loves really cares about his progress as a sorcerer apparently???)

Anyways, more under the cut.

First off, if someone told me I'll lowkey be obsessed with them, I wouldn't believe them. Honestly, I thought their situation was worrying, kinda weird yet hilarious right up until the Shibuya Incident arc where I saw the true extent of Sukuna's power and thought that hey, Yuuji kept ignoring this monster, this absolute disaster of a man and he was fine? He suffered absolutely no mental or physical repercussions before that? What? This apocalypse that's deep inside him nearly fucking giggled "Don't look up at me like that brat :3" when Yuuji died and went to his domain yet he nearly decapitated Jugo and the two teens merely because they held their heads a bit high.

Hell, Yuuji also threatens him yet he– tongue-in-cheek– brushes that off with "You look like you want to kill me". The anime really points out the weird amusement because you can hear him speak and Sukuna not only sounds amused, a bit done but he also sounds like he's teasing him (and is reveling in it)

He bargains with Yuuji calmly, offers him a vow to resurrect him only if he accepts to let him take control for a minute. You would think he'd ask for more, be greedy, be like "fuck this" and torture Yuuji until he accepts but instead he indulges him.

Yet...

Yuuji clearly got the special treatment. Sukuna could've easily showed off his power, tortured him, made him intently aware that he's not supposed to fuck around... yet it was "I fixed ur arm, where my hug at". Maybe I was overthinking it back then, when I first picked up jjk, but this struck such a deep cord within me that I couldn't function properly for days because I kept thinking of Sukuna– the epitome of evil– giggling like a school girl, allowing Yuuji to be "menacing" and disrespectful, and just dismiss all of that while if it was anyone else in Yuuji's shoes, they'd be mangled, ripped apart, tortured until death and laughed over (on repeat).

I love the 'two souls stuck in one body' idea. Like Yuuji has the epitome of the word evil inside of him while he's literally a sunshine. I could totally see Sukuna trying to break Yuuji from the inside out– torture him, threaten him, kill him over and over again, all just to pass the time, test out how it feels to be alive again– and I was kinda surprised canon never went with that option. Instead Yuuji just ignored him while Sukuna did... well... quite little. I still find it hilarious how it's canon that Sukuna yaps while Yuuji just ignores him. Yuuji's got guts, really.

Now this would be just that. They have an interesting dynamic, problematic as fuck but so very interesting and fascinating to explore both in the fluffy or the grim way but considering where we are currently– It isn't just that. It got both worse and better (regarding both my decent into madness– this ship– and them in canon).

I'll separate what more I want to talk about into sections because it's easier that way.

The Beginning & The End

The story quite literally opens with them. Yuuji being kicked into an unknown world (aka the inciting incident) is the result of him finding Sukuna's finger before Megumi can even find it. If Yuuji never stumbled upon that finger, the fight with the curse at that school wouldn't happen. He'd never get to meet Megumi, nor have to swallow Sukuna's finger. So without them, jjk wouldn't exist.

Chapter 1 is titled "Ryoumen Sukuna" and Yuuji and his Occult Club speculate that a lingering spirit is haunting the premises of the school. Their theory is swiftly debunked (Ticks lol), but they didn't know that their theory proved to be kinda correct.

And yes, the explanation being ticks is awfully fitting. Ticks are parasites– they latch on and slowly bury themselves inside of a human (or animal) and if you spot them too late, you aren't able to take them out and need to visit a hospital because these little annoyances are quite deadly. Sukuna's finger was around that school for an unknown time, since Yuuji found him, attracting curses which preyed on people without anyone even noticing. Plus parasites often need a host to survive– Yuuji being his vessel and having to swallow fingers to completely resurrect him.

What follows right after that is a bit meta and again, foreshadowing the future events:

1. Yuuji and his Occult Club being dismissed for spreading rumors — Yuuji couldn't see curses before he saw death for the first time.

2. Yuuji being a part of Track-And-Field team and not the Occult club — How Yuuji wasn't born as a sorcerer. He's just your average high schooler– someone quite boring.

3. The club president of the Track-And-Field interrupts them to say he rewrote it because he wants to make use of Yuuji's extraordinary abilities for the track team. Yuuji refuses, so the coach challenges him to a game that Yuuji wins with ease. – He's being warned off traveling that road that main characters go through, telling Yuuji to stick to a normal life. He's no sorcerer, after all. But here's the thing— Yuuji, despite not being born a sorcerer, is still special. He has incredible strength and lightning speed so even if he's not as cool as sorcerers, not someone special, he still kind of is. After all, Yuuji will go on to survive hosting The King of Curses, successfully prevent him from taking control and proceed to keep him on a leash.

And also:

He's not afraid as normal people in his shoes would be. Hell, he literally made the fabled King of Curses look like a joke. Do I need to remind you that Megumi couldn't do that despite being a sorcerer? Despite not being a sorcerer, despite not being cut out for this, he still likes it and wants to be a part of it.

Also, regarding it's growing on me– did you know that ticks' body grows as they feed on blood, but they only burrow their heads into the host and grow on them by laying eggs within?

He survived hosting Sukuna, promptly told him to fuck off from his body and got enlisted into Jujutsu High despite not being a sorcerer. Plus he got a gift– being able to use cursed energy due to Sukuna. Again, he is specialz. (And yes! Specialz by King Gnu is literally a sukuita anthem! The song is a twisted version of a ballad– a love letter from a beast that enjoys seeing the agony on his lovers' face rather than a smile. Who enjoys making him lose his mind and nudges him to accept the catastrophe. To embrace the ugly and lose the good. Like: You are my special; we are special; get lost in me; i love you baby?? It literally played over Yuuji's mental breakdown– and Sukuna told him to admire the mess he made– like what more proof do you need??!?!)

If Yuuji never swallowed Sukuna's finger, he never would've had cursed energy. He never would've became a jujutsu sorcerer. He never would've unleashed hell upon earth, watched his friends die and that promise he made to his grandfather would be left for helping regular people out in any way and not exterminating curses. He would've been way happier and way less traumatized but then this story wouldn't exist. 😔

But, I digress.

Yuuji's our main character and Sukuna's the final boss of the story. Despite the narrative promptly ignoring and continuously ridiculing Yuuji, stating he's nothing (a cog in the machine), it's all just so he would prove himself. Fight his way up. Embrace change. All writers know it. And besides, even if he's powerless and weak, well that matters little— considering Sukuna would go on to kill the strongest jujutsu sorcerer yet somehow still not deal with a weakling like him. The same weakling who keeps growing and maturing, being molded and shaped and therefore rightfully needs to be put down before he becomes a threat. I mean Uraume did comment to Sukuna in 257 that Yuuji is like an empty husk actively retaining some elements of him, a fact which should make killing him be Sukuna's top priority because it implies Yuuji— even if weak— could grow to become Sukuna's equal and therefore could kill him.

Still, Sukuna doesn't care lol. He doesn't consider him a threat, calls him boring, yet has a nearly two-page inner monologue just because he learned a fucking reversed curse technique. Lol

It goes like:

you're boring. you're literally insignificant that even killing you is a waste of time.

wait he learned reversed cursed technique within a month?

guess it's time to have some fun with him and then kill him

what the fuck is this irritating feeling

Sukuna pouts. He pouts and spaces out while wondering about connections and what people are to him. Like... ok? That's kinda ga Even Yuuji is stunned why he didn't continue fighting him but instead just started making faces like he's sad. Also, worthy of note is that he had the perfect opportunity to slam his fist through him because he was distracted. Sukuna's usually highly aware of his surroundings, very much in the moment when fighting an opponent, yet Yuuji does a new thing and now Sukuna is stopping the fight to contemplate about unnecessary things instead of you know, being normal and continuing the fight? It's so funny to me. (Also the way he's awfully handsty didn't escape my notice.)

Anyways, to go back and bring your attention to what I stated at the beginning: Everything started with them. Rightfully so, everything will end with them. There's something so beautiful about Yuuji being incomparable to Sukuna in terms of power, being mocked and ridiculed by the story, not special at all and not improving much even if he is improving. It would make his final battle with Sukuna so satisfying that I cannot really put it into words and I will be there no matter what!

Can you imagine that? The poetry of it all– the King of Curses defeated by a nobody. It's brilliant, really. Part of their charm, part of what makes them addicting.

Perfect Opposites

Another thing that makes sukuita delicious is the rather blatant contrast between them. They're total opposites in every sense of the word. The story continiously highlights it.

The story tries to belittle Yuuji, make him as insignificant to the overall plot as it can, make us– the audience– convinced and fearful that Yuuji will not bring about any change. It convinced most of the audience to root for characters equipped with the qualities an mc should have (like Gojo, like Yuta, Megumi, name it), to look away from the pawn that is Yuuji.

Most people, after all, don't like weak, not cool characters. Usually, what shonen does is that it will continually boost the MC's power until the protagonist could practically wipe the floor with the antagonist. As is the case in jjk, most ppl expected that Gojo vs Sukuna would leave Sukuna weakened, on the verge of dying, yet that wasn't the case. Instead Gojo got cut in half which had driven the entire fandom to start hating Gege as an author. To start crying about Sukuna being OP, that the story's gone to shit, all because the side character they rooted for didn't end the main antagonist of the series. How come someone as strong as Gojo dies yet someone who's weak– like Yuuji– lives?

You see, I love when shonen inverts tropes. I love that Gege hyped Gojo up, gave him a perfect backstory which already highlights and forshadows why he would lose, why he's not the strongest, etc. I also love the fact that Yuta went on and, instead of facing Sukuna by himself, chose to wear Gojo like a coat. I love how the MC is just standing on the sidelines instead of actively dealing with the threat.

That same MC who wishes to save his friend, who fights for others, who's as selfless as ever. Who's not a strong sorcerer but a strong person. Who keeps on witnessing how the strong ones are plucked like flies and possibly is wondering how the hell anyone's– let alone him– is going to defeat the threat in front of him.

The entire jujutsu society didn't sit down and speculate about Sukuna's weaknesses and strengths. Didn't even sit down to formulate a plan, to fight together, because it's all about proving your worth as the strongest, right? It's all about cool techniques, showing off, etc.

Most people saw it like this– well if Sukuna is strong then just have strong characters fight him. There you go. You have the strongest jujutsu sorcerer against the strongest used-to-be jujutsu sorcerer. If there's anyone on the same level as Sukuna, it has to be someone exactly like him. A monster. A mirror.

Most people don't see the point of Yuuji being the executioner because the narrative convinced them throwing a puny Yuuji against someone like Sukuna will realistically get him killed. For someone who should be dead by all accounts, Yuuji keeps persisting and keeps pissing Sukuna off– the same man who still doesn't kill him because of well... reasons. He's too insignifact to even crush, by Sukuna's standards. Yet he takes pride in torturing him– killing off and taking away people that Yuuji loves– has inner monologues about him, thinks back on him too much for no reason while fighting different people, almost as if he's fascinated, as if he cares, as if he never met someone like him.

If you'd ask the majority of the fandom who'd get to kill Sukuna: Gojo seemed like a plausable option, at first. Yuta too. Hell, Megumi even. After all, they're continiously put in focus, placed as special and branded as 'has potential'. Then Gojo dies, Megumi's taken over and Yuta is possibly on his way to death (Note: jjk is an ongoing story so... yeah. This is written before Chapter 262 for anyone who's reading this in the future.)

These people tend to forget one simple thing– that opposites attract. That you don't fight fire with fire, but with water. You don't come at the King of Curses with techniques using cursed energy– instead you come at him with raw strength alone. You don't battle to prove your place as a sorcerer– you battle to save a friend, to save people from a massacre.

If you battle to prove your ideal– then you best come at your opponent with something they don't know about. They know about being strong. They know about being a monster. They know about everything selfish because they embody it. Show them a different view.

Be selfless.

There's no one more tailored for the role than Itadori Yuuji. No one special. Weak. Insignificant. A total opposite to Sukuna. It is to be expected by most people that if he faces Sukuna in a battle, that he'd be killed off in an instant yet he survived a couple of battles with him nonetheless. He's broken down, haunted by all the people that died in front of him, but is still suicidal enough to face Sukuna all because he wants to save Megumi. He does it out of care. Out of love. He'd willingly trade his life for anyone.

Love isn't a curse. It is, in fact, the opposite. Love (unconditional one) is the most powerful weapon against curses.

And that is Yuuji's biggest strength. That is the key. He's there to prove that isolation makes you weak, that it is the bonds you share with others that make you strong, make you push on, make you live. Not your capabilities as a jujutsu sorcerer, but you as a person. Jjk does a great job at portraying that who you are matters more than what rank you are on those power-scaling polls.

This is why I adore them so much. I admittedly did go off a bit (literally crafted a theory) but it was all to prove a point why I love them. What makes Yuuji so perfect as Sukuna's doom— a perfect opposite— is the fact that he's a living, breathing epitome of something Sukuna never knew about. Friendship. Love. Care. Lowkey it does sound cheesy but it works. It really works too well lol

Yuuji will end Sukuna with the power of love.

Also: Funnily enough, both Sukuna and Yuuji do look extremely alike. Sukuna's OG form is literally Yuuji grown up. You could say, in a way, that Sukuna is just Yuuji who chose the dark path lmfao

They're not beating the twins allegations but neither are they beating the 'each other's half' because their contrasting way of living, of looking at the world, just places them as perfect enemies, perfect soulmates, two sides of the same coin, etc.

They're enemies and I've always been weak for enemies to lovers to I'd still kill you.

Family Matters

I ranted a bit about this here. Although yes, this adds even more shit onto the plate and literally slaps an incest tag onto them, it still gives further depth to their relationship.

Like I said in my rant– Yuuji is an offspring of Sukuna's twin brother who he devoured. From the story perspective, that puts Yuuji on a big pedestal. He could be the perfect revenge for his father who got eaten before he could even live. Let's not forget that Yuuji got sentenced to death by the story when he swallowed Sukuna's finger and survived, which kinda mirrors that (He's just fifteen yet the threat of death was looming over his head daily).

But despite the odds, he still lived– just like Sukuna's twin brother had managed to get reincarnated (to experience life)– even if that brought on a massacre and led to the mess we are in now.

So, Yuuji ending him is the perfect revenge. Pure poetry. Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

Now, I know most people get the ick about this ship now. After all, it is ugly if you view their relationship through a romantic light. It's horrible, but at the end of the day, it is fictional. They're two lines on paper, not something that exists. No, that doesn't brand anyone liking them a literal real life incest enjoyer or dangerous individual nor is there any deeply rooted psychological problem with the people liking them. And I know— So why do you like this? Because I am an adult and can seperate what isn't real and what is. If you can't, then stay away from fiction because applying morals to something that doesn't exist is worrying.

Also in fiction, there are no rules because putting rules in fiction is destroying what makes fiction good in the first place! Hope this helps.

Sukuna and Yuuji being uncle and nephew makes for some good memes, some problematic– familial or romantic– fics and still works for the narrative. I'm not complaining and I genuienly can't hate them. It can't make me unship them. Their dynamic is too interesting for me, I'm afraid. I love them, whether in a romantic, purely familial, platonic, enemies, whatever way.

So yeah, anon. There you go.

Sukuita is very interesting for writers who want to push boundaries when it comes to writing dark, disturbing stuff but it is also a playground for those who want to nick them out of canon and have fun with them. I am one of those people because I really do find both of them interesting– in canon or an au, related or not, similar or opposites, whatever.

Have a great day/night!

[killugon-truther]

hxh analysis: ep. 98 [killua] parallels ep. 116 [gon]

okay but the parallel between killua kinda lashing out/getting defensive towards gon in ep. 98 and gon lashing out/getting defensive towards killua in ep. 116 (but in a more intense way when he did it obv) has been a reoccurring thought in my head for a while now.

esp since i always personally interpreted killua’s goal for splitting up at all in ep. 98 as more than just him believing it’ll be easier to do alone & wanting gon to focus on prioritizing the mission over all else. that’s def part of it, but i also believe that killua’s actions, esp in this arc, always have an underlying emotional response in them, even if he doesn’t verbally mention it & he makes it seem like it’s ONLY for the sake of the mission.

when gon begins to interject, killua’s voice & actions begin to take on a rather defensive tone and then he switches to a more controlled & composed demeanor, acting as if he actually has everything under control (bc killua feels the need to constantly have everything under his control, or at least act like he does or act like it doesn’t bother him even when it’s the opposite); he does this a few times throughout the brief span they talk abt this.

even killua’s words (paraphrasing here), which are “no offense, but it’ll be easier for me to do alone,” had a rather harsh tone to them imo. at the same time, we can’t rly see killua’s expression, just the bottom half of his face, both that and his voice concealing how he rly feels. to me, this is only amplified by gon’s reaction, which was to make a face and say “okay, i get it.” in a rather annoyed/dejected tone.

like, “okay, i get it; you don’t want me around right now, you don’t think i’ll be able to help you. you don’t have to rub it in.” or smth like that. and considering gon is equally codependent on killua as killua is on him, & gon’s own internal insecurities and struggles abt not being strong/good enough to help or save the ppl he loves, i can imagine that probably insulted him even more, esp since it was his best friend in the entire world saying it. even if it wasn’t necessarily a “big deal”, that would still hurt.

all i could think in this moment was that killua was intentionally trying to push gon away, which was weird to me at first bc i didn’t understand why. why would killua be pushing his best friend away right now, arguably when they need each other most (again, i understand killua is also doing this for the mission but at the same time, it feels like he’s somewhat acting out of emotion) at the moment?

i think it’s bc this is the arc where killua’s feelings for gon (idc if you see them as platonic or romantic; regardless, killua is in DEEP) are at their most heightened, and at the same time, is the most aware killua has been of them. i could be wrong, but i feel this is the time he realized how much gon truly means to him, and at the same time, just how terrified he is of losing him (ep. 84, aka the “he’s my most precious friend!”, “i don’t want.. to lose him!”, and the needle removal ep. was when his feelings became more intense & he started to become more and more aware of how he truly felt).

(side note: i 100% believe that killua pulling out the needle, which was bc of how much he loved gon in the 1st place, was part of the reason killua’s feelings seem to steadily become more intense as the arc progressed. he can actually FEEL and REMEMBER stuff better now in its absence. why wouldn’t that make his emotions for his loved one(s) even more intense?)

what’s smth killua usually does when he’s afraid, when he feels like he doesn’t have any or enough control? he hides how he truly feels, he lashes out, he gets defensive, he tries to take control back of himself, his feelings, and of the situation in order to quell all of that trauma-born anxiety, sometimes even at the expense of hurting others or himself (just like gon does sometimes and esp in this arc).

and while this isn’t a perfect one-on-one parallel, it def feels like one to the way gon acted towards killua in ep. 116. gon pushed killua away by lashing out bc he felt like he was losing control; control of himself & feelings, control of the situation, control of the narrative he created in his mind of pitou being evil incarnate & them getting kite back in order to avoid completely breaking, etc.

if gon can't control kite being restored and if he can't control the situation, then he will grasp for smth that he sees as a last resort, one of the only things he can do: pushing away the person who loves him the most & who he loves most in return, the person he needs the most & who also needs him most, as a form of control. he can't directly control killua & make him go away, but he can be harsh and thoroughly even so, so killua leaves, and gon won't have to worry abt being the cause of another person he cares abt, who he values over himself, dying.

in ep. 98, killua couldn't control his feelings or the situation at hand- gon may very well die, & killua just can't let that happen- so he pushes all of that away in order to quell the fear, the vulnerability, the pain as much as he can in order to gain just some control, and in turn, pushes gon away. in ep. 116, gon does the same thing to him.

and look at these !!

ep. 98

ep. 116

they def feel like parallels. like i said, not one-on-one, but very similar !! the fact that killua & gon are further apart and that gon’s completely faced away in the ep. 116 parallel compared to ep. 98 where they’re closer and killua is still facing/looking at gon makes me so sad 😭😭 symbolism of characters separating further and further apart is the best and the worst.

basically... gon & killua love each other very much, but that love isn't always healthy on account that they are very traumatized and immature children who both have a constant need for control and to "fix" things by themselves and are afraid of facing their true feelings, which leads them to them lashing out & hurting each other & themselves lol. we love self destructive, codependent best friends !!

hope u enjoyed this analysis !! if u have any comments, criticisms, or anything else u wanna add, pls do.

[lewkwoodnco]

june gloom - anthony lockwood x reader

“Look,” he bites out, “if you don’t want me here, say the word and I’ll leave.”

“No.” She looks positively alarmed and places a hand on his elbow. “Please. Don’t go. I like having you here.” Her lips twitch like she’s holding back a smile, but the dead look in her eyes only makes Lockwood even more uneasy. “I like seeing you like this. Thinner. Paler. I like watching you watch me.” She tips her head, considering him. “I like watching you look at me like you can never get your fill of me.”

june gloom, tule fog, I might as well say meet me in Montauk

a/n - help I can’t rmb how I used to format these I hope this is (mostly) correct 😭😭 uni is rlly steamrolling me frfr like I have so many WIPs which I planned to finish up first but inspiration struck for this one instead, for some reason?? And I imagine this to pick up where we left off from chapter 3 (the ntwdt fic) so this would be Ch 3.5 but could also be read as a stand alone I think? anyways enjoy a very autumn coded gloomy kind of angsty fic hehe (also do NOT smoke i am not promoting smoking ❌❌)

tropes/warnings - angst, estranged friends, veryyy very mild allusions to cheating (arguably. personally i didn’t write it that way but i guess I could see some ppl interpreting it that way)

word count - 1.6k!

MASTERLIST | TAGLIST

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 3.5 | Ch 3.75 | Ch 4 | Ch 5

Finding an apartment to rent in central London was a bleak affair any time of the year, but something about late October seemed to make it even worse. While she looked for a place of her own, her parents had very kindly agreed to put her up for a couple of days. It was at their kitchen table that she had been pouring over apartment listings one barren, gloomy morning, when she peered out to see a familiar car pulled up outside.

Lockwood didn’t know what he was doing. He had just pulled up to her house five minutes ago, of which he spent four of them sitting in silence with the engine turned off. He dragged his palms across his jeans. He isn’t sure how he ended up here, or why. Lockwood & Co. had been handed the privilege of one miraculously empty weekend without any cases. Its employees had decided to indulge themselves, be it through a long bubble bath or a little tinkering on some model train set. A certain special someone’s birthday was coming up. If Lockwood had half the sense he ought to, he’d be spending the weekend with her. Instead, he got in his car and started driving aimlessly, meandering through slick roads that took him to the outskirts of the city.

Maybe it had been some subconscious desire to see her again that led him here. He hadn’t stopped thinking about their brief crossing of paths from a week ago. He had spent months convincing himself that he thought of her less and less as the days went by, enough to delude himself into thinking there was nothing to regret. After all, how could a guy hung up on an old friend find love like he did? But all it took was one glimpse of her again, and it was like they had spent no time apart at all. It was like he was still the sulky, stubborn boy from that last night months ago, smarting from the words unsaid and the pain in his shin. Sleepless and sick with the want to hear her slip back in, for them to make up by the morning, for them to act like it never happened.

He could pretend to have moved on all he wanted, but the sorrow buried deep into his chest and never quite left. He could feel it now, sitting motionless in his car under a dull, overcast sky.

He should’ve asked her to stay.

He jumps when he hears a tapping on the passenger window. The kind, weathered face of Mrs. L/N peers through, clad in gardening gloves and a wide-brim hat. Lockwood instantly becomes aware of how intrusive his visit must be. He hurriedly unbuckles his seat belt and steps out.

“I’m really sorry Mrs. L/N, I meant to call ahead -“

But she was already waving away his effusively apologetic words. She turns towards the house. “Oh, Y/N, it’s been ages since you’ve seen each other. Wouldn’t it be nice for you to catch up?”

He looks over her shoulder and follows her gaze to the house. There, he sees the hazy image of Y/N standing a few steps down from the front door. The slight fog obscures her expression, but there’s something rigid in the way she has her arms wrapped around herself.

“What Mum said. We’d lo-ove to have you.”

She stretches the word out in an exaggerated London drawl. It almost feels like she’s mocking him. But she’s too far for him to get a close enough look at her face, and by the time he makes his way up the winding driveway, she’s disappeared inside.

It helps that Mrs. L/N joins them. Once she’s set out some tea and scones, she prattles on comfortingly like she doesn’t notice the tension weighing in the air. Save for the occasional nod or one-word answer, they stay mostly silent, occasionally sneaking glances at each other. A part of him likes that they’re in the same house again, with her sitting across from him, fiddling with her mug, laughing a little too loud in a not entirely unpleasant way. But he doesn’t recognise her sweater, and her hair’s different, and her pinched face matches her raw, bitten nails.

Occasionally, she makes some seemingly innocuous remark which sounds a little too much like a jab at Lockwood. He hesitates, like he isn’t sure what to say, but then her lips painfully stretch into what is a sardonic smile at best, and the conversation changes. Still, every few seconds his eyes flick back to her face, of which she takes no notice.

But there’s still only so much Mrs. L/N can fill the silence with, and she eventually excuses herself to return to her gardening. The two of them make it for a grand total of 30 seconds of painful silence before she stands up and murmurs something about stepping out for fresh air.

After a minute, Lockwood leaves the kitchen table himself and goes looking for her. He finds her smoking in the backyard, standing at the fence, staring blankly at the treeline a short distance away.

“It’s a filthy habit.” She pauses, dropping the cigarette from her lips, but refuses to turn around. He walks down to the fence. “I thought you got rid of it.”

“How’d you find me?” How’d you know where I’d be?

Lockwood shook his head slowly, eyes unfocused, staring vacantly at the sparse trees reaching for the blank sky. “I didn’t…I wasn’t looking for you.”

She gives him a curious look. If she finds him unconvincing, she doesn’t comment on it. She takes a long drag from her cigarette. The silence starts to become a little more bearable.

“How’s Luce?”

He gives a stiff sort of half-nod. “Alright. Still more violent than she ought to be.”

“George?”

“He’s good.”

“Head still in the books?”

He frowns. “It’s only been three months. He’s not a different person.”

She shrugs. He can’t stop staring at the grimy cigarette in her hand. Her fingers tremble ever so slightly, finally giving the impression that she wasn’t nearly half as calm as she was trying to seem. “He could’ve…taken up water polo, or something. I wouldn’t know.”

The resentment in her voice was apparent - this was definitely a dig at him. For the first time since she’s left, it crosses his mind that she’s left behind a family. Still, it wasn’t like he had kicked her out.

“You chose to leave.”

“You didn’t give me much reason to stay, either.”

“Because - “

“No.” Her subdued, nonchalant attitude dissolved now that he had gotten a rise out of her. “You don’t get to stand there and judge me for leaving when I was miserable and you did fuck all about it. You’ve been this…this fog in my head since June.“ Her clipped voice burns through the cool air harshly. “You have no right to come running back now that it’s finally starting to clear up.”

Lockwood wonders whether the cigarette might be easier to reason with. His gaze wanders over to his car rusting in their driveway. Coming here was a mistake.

“Look,” he bites out, “if you don’t want me here, say the word and I’ll leave.”

“No.” She looks positively alarmed and places a hand on his elbow. “Please. Don’t go. I like having you here.” Her lips twitch like she’s holding back a smile, but the dead look in her eyes only makes Lockwood even more uneasy. “I like seeing you like this. Thinner. Paler. I like watching you watch me.” She tips her head, considering him. “I like watching you look at me like you can never get your fill of me.”

Lockwood flinches, pulling himself out of her grasp as he reels back, suddenly overcome with a surge of revulsion. There’s something malicious, corrupted, unrecognisable about her. He scoffs as he turns back to the house.

“If she’s so amazing, why are you on this side of town?”

He pauses with his hand on the doorknob. Her voice cuts through the air, jagged and bitter. He turns and sees her grinding the cigarette with the heel of her shoe. She straightens and pushes her hair back with a steady, measured hand, a far cry from the klutz whose stumbling around and whispered shrieks guaranteed to drag a smile on Lockwood’s face. Even now, she doesn’t acknowledge how he hasn’t taken his eyes off of her for more than half a minute all day.

“Happy couples,” he starts, a little half-heartedly, “don’t need to be joined at the hip.”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t give me that.” She walks up to the house too, and when she pauses by him, he punches down the urge to step back.  

“What are you trying to find out?”

She looks at him dismissively, like she already knows the answer and finds it unimpressive. Then she’s disappeared back into the house, the cold is stinging his face, and his heart’s thumping hard enough to break free of his chest.

He exhales shakily and feels his heart shutter itself away from the rest of the world. He still doesn’t know what he came looking for, but maybe it was to remember what he has clearly forgotten.

Always a problem. They’d always be a problem.

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