#walburga isn't the best mother

[raven-dor]

can you write a fem reader x James Potter where she like has an anxiety attackat like 3 am bc her parents say she isn't getting good enough grades and that they're gonna pull her out of Hogwarts and so he like calms her down?

drink some water and eat something <3

also can I be :3 anon?

stay with me

In which james potter comforts his best friends twin sister

PAIRING: james potter x sirius black's twin!reader

WARNINGS: anxiety attack, horrible parenting, mentions of abuse, self-esteem issues, fluff ending

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

AN: loved writing this!! as someone who craves academic validation, this was kind of healing to put into the world <3

Her hands shook as she stared at the letter her parents had sent her. It had been the fifth one this month, not that she was counting. And they were all the same: vile insults of her knowledge and constant reminders that her brother was a better student than she would ever be. 

She laughed when they had said it the first time, telling them that “comparing anyone to Regulus, and he’s a better student.” Her mother had smacked her for that. 

This letter had been the worst of them. Her parents knew how to get a rise out of her, stating that if she did not better herself, she’d be pulled from Hogwarts before she could graduate. And even worse, if she was pulled, they would marry her off to Amycus Carrow, the insufferable twat. 

Her head of house had pulled her aside weeks ago, telling her that she was doing poorly in her classes, stating that he knew of multiple tutors who could help her fix them. She ignored his offer; after all, if she had wanted help, she would have asked Remus. 

It was late; curfew had passed hours ago, but she still stumbled through the halls, hyperventilating. She’d told herself she needed fresh air, but that hadn’t helped. Then she thought a walk would help; also useless. Now, she was just choking on her tears in the hall, hoping Filch didn’t find her. She was used to it, the constant belittling by her own mother and father. Even her cousins contributed. At first, it hadn’t bothered her; if her family had nothing better to do than insult her, they should feel free. 

Eventually, their insults warped her mind. She became a shell of her former self, no longer cracking jokes or teasing her brothers and friends. She sat in the corner of the library, reading the pages of her textbooks over and over until her mind felt numb. Sirius had tried to cheer her up constantly, one of his attempts resulting in a detention. 

A breeze pulled her down the dark corridor, the night sky visible at the end. Maybe sitting by the Black Lake or lying on the grassy hill would help her calm down. She sniffled, pulling her robe closer to herself. The Quidditch pitch was empty; she was sure of it. The grass there was well-kept, thanks to the gamekeeper. She pushed past the cloth, the great field standing before her. 

She ran to the middle, falling to the ground in a completely undignified manner. If her mother were here, she’d scold her. “That is no way for a lady to sit.” She could hear her, even hundreds of miles away. 

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the voices that attacked her. Her heart pumped harder, beating against her chest. She gasped, rubbing her hand in circular motions, grounding herself. “You are no daughter of mine.” That is what her mother had said in the letter, the last thing she said before she signed off with her perfect penmanship. “You are no daughter of mine.” 

Y/N laughed. She didn’t want to be her daughter anyway. Sadly, she did not have a choice in that matter; Walburga had pushed her out 17 years ago, and here she was. Sobbing violently in the middle of the night on the grass.

Most likely the best thing Y/N Black would ever do.

She couldn’t get her grades up, no matter how hard she tried; she couldn’t be the perfect daughter, and she couldn’t be normal. A normal person, she told herself, wouldn’t be sobbing over her horrible grades. “You are no normal person, Y/N.” Her father would say. “You are a Black.”  

She brought her hands to her face, shaking her head. She murmured to herself, hiccuping every so often. A hand touched her shoulder, and she jumped, ripping her hands from her face. “Y/N?”

James. 

He smiled lightly. “Are you alright, love?” 

She sat up, wiping away the tears that still flowed. “I’m fine, Jamie. Don’t worry about it.” She stood, smiling. “Have fun.” 

He stood in front of her, blocking her escape. “I wouldn’t say you’re fine. You’re crying.” 

She scoffed. “Well, I didn’t ask for your opinion.” She stepped around him, speaking over her shoulder. “Drop it.” 

His hand wrapped around her wrist, holding her in place. “Indulge me.” He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. “Sometimes I forget to breathe, and I do these exercises to help regulate myself.” He smiled. “Can you do it with me? It would really help me if you played along.” 

She knew he was tricking her, but she didn’t really care. “Sure, James.” 

He nodded. “Just breathe in for five, hold for two, exhale for five.” He smirked, nudging her shoulder. “Works wonders.” 

She tried not to roll her eyes, following along. God, she hated it when he was right. He often was, too; that was the horrible thing. James tried to play the dumb jock stereotype, but he was brilliant in Transfiguration, DADA, and Potions. It irked her to no end that James was not only a great quidditch player but an amazing student, friend, and person. 

They sat in silence for a moment before he spoke again. “Do you want to tell me what had you so worked up?” She shook her head. He sighed, holding her hands in his. “Can I guess then?” 

“Be my guest, Potter.” 

“Dear old mum and dad.” He raised his eyebrow, smiling lightly. “Am I right?” 

“Once again.” She nodded. “You know how they are.” 

He nodded back. “I do. But I’ve never seen you this upset over something they’ve done.” He whispered softly. “You don’t have to tell me, but you need to know I hate seeing you like this.” 

“Am I that hideous when I cry?” She laughed. “I’ll try to refrain from violently sobbing next time.” 

“Don’t do that.” He rubbed her cheek, smiling when a blush formed. “You’ve never been hideous a day in your life, Y/N. And you never will be.” 

She scoffed. “You flatter me too much, James.” 

“I only tell the truth.” Their hands swayed in between them. 

“They told me they were going to pull me out of school because my grades were so poor.” She murmured. “Don’t they know I’m trying?” 

“Your parents are unforgiving and cold. They disowned Sirius, for Merlin’s sake.” He pulled her closer, leaning down. “You know they have no logical thoughts.” 

“I know.” 

“I know you’re trying,” James smirked. “And honestly, that’s all that matters.” 

“How could I forget?” Y/N laughed. “The great James Potter, in all his infinite wisdom, strikes again.” 

“Is there…” He sighed. “Is there anything else?” 

“If they pull me out, they’ve already promised Amycus Carrow that we will be married.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “My worst nightmare come to life.” 

James gasped, visibly disgusted. “Merlin, I knew your mother was a horrible person, but to promise you to him-” He shivered. “She really has no love in her heart.” 

“She does.” Y/N corrected. “It’s reserved for Regulus.” 

“Ah.” He sighed. “You know you’re a good student, right?” 

She glared, trying to pull her hands out of her grip. “Don’t be mean.” 

“I’m not, I swear. You are an amazing student. Remember when you helped me with DADA? Last week? I would have completely failed if it wasn’t for you.” 

“Nonsense.” She blushed. “You would have been fine. DADA’s your best subject.” 

He laughed. “Maybe. But because of you, we’ll never know.” He giggled, wiggling his eyebrows. “You’re my hero, Y/N Black.” 

She shoved him away, rolling her eyes affectionately. “Shut it, you.” 

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, walking them out of the Quidditch Pitch. “I could use a hot cocoa. What about you?” 

“Cider sounds better.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. Cider it is.” 

The kitchens were luckily not far from the pitch, and with one tickle of the pear, the door opened, not a single house elf in sight. Y/N settled into one of the two large leather seats, staring into the fire. “It’s my fault they don’t love me.” 

“What?” James scoffed, kneeling in front of her. “Why would you say that?” 

“I should have been a better daughter. If I had spent less time-” 

“Living? Y/N, listen to me. You are doing your best. And if they can’t see that, then that’s their problem. You, Sirius, and Regulus are better off without them.” 

“Sirius and Regulus, maybe.” She mumbled. “I don’t deserve it.” 

“It?” 

“Happiness.” 

James shook his head. “Never say that again. If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for me. You- You deserve everything.” He brought his hands up to her cheeks. “Everything.”

She blushed. “James-” 

“Say it.” He looked at her rather dangerously; her stomach flipped. “Say you deserve everything.” 

“I don’t-” A hand tickled her side, and she gasped. “James!” 

He grinned, tickling her incessantly. “Say it, and I’ll stop!” 

“I- I deserve- I deserve everything!” She cackled, panting from the sudden attack. “I deserve everything.” 

He nodded, looking much too pleased with himself. “Good.” He stood up, grabbing her mug. “My lady.” 

She scoffed. “The least you could do after your violent attack.” 

“Please.” He smirked. “You know you love me.” 

“How exactly did you know I was on the Quidditch Pitch, hm?” She raised her eyebrow. “Were you following me on your little map?” 

He blushed, taking a sip of his cider. She smiled to herself. “That’s what I thought.” 

[marcyiyi]

Sirius' life was crumbling. He watched it fall like a house of cards, all of it coming undone in one single evening. The Christmas eve no less. As always, his parents hosted an event he had to attend. So he put on his best robes, tied his hair back and hid behind the Black heir mask. And he was succesful this time. No slip-ups, no tears, an Oscar worth performance. However, the second act was just beggining upstairs in his room. Kreacher was cleaning there, muttering slurs under his breath. He was used to the Young Master's posters with muggle girls, his Gryffindor flags and the graffiti on the walls. He found the new thing when he was making Young Master's bed. Under his pillow, there was an envelope. An open one, so Kreacher didn't even have to try and hide that he read the letter. The first few lines were enough to make him swear under his breath and run to Madame. That was Sirius' cue to come back on stage. Act three was just starting. Enter Sirius. ,,What is this, Sirius?" Walburga asks, holding up the empty envelope with a letter out of it. ,,A letter I got, mother." he responded, hoping that if he said what she wanted to hear, he'd get out of this easier. ,,Got from whom?" she kept going. ,,A friend from Hogwarts." he said carefully. ,,A friend." she repeated ironically. ,,A friend, you say. 'I think of you every second of every day, there isn't a moment when I don't want your soft hair between my fingers, your laugh ringing in my ears, your hands holding me and your lips crashing against mine.' Does that sound friendly to you, Sirius?" she spat out. He took a breath. He should've just burned them in the fireplace, not read them before sleep, the lovesick fool. ,,No, don't answer. I'd be happy if it was a pureblood, pretty girl from Slytherin writing you. I'd let you be, even get you married. But REMUS LUPIN?" she screamed, waving her wand, causing Sirius' cheek to split open and drop blood on the floor. ,,A boy! Half-blood! What were you thinking, you blood traitor?!" she yelled. And Sirius' life caved in on itself, his mother's Crucio breaking him like a wrecking ball. The pain hitting him and making him fall, all of his walls down and the wails coming out. His brain gave out, conciousness slipping somewhere in his mind where his mother's wand wasn't sending green waves in his direction and where Regulus wasn't just standing in the doorway. Somewhere nice and calm, somewhere smelling like chocolate and black tea with milk. Somewhere warm and silent, loving and comforting.

@wolfstarmicrofic dec. 21, fireplace

[starchaseriseverything]

"James Fleamont Potter! Give me that back, right this instant!" Fleamont says, running after his son. Monty chases him into the main hallway of their house before he sees his son open the library doors and goes in. "James!' He yells before going to the glass doors and walking in.

Monty looks all around the study just from where he's standing in the doorway. He can't see him behind the shelves and shelves of books, the couches, plants, tables, he can't see him anywhere. Monty walks farther in the library before shouting, "James! I want my journal back!"

Monty hears whispering. Two voices. A man and a woman. One sounds like James, the other he's not sure. "James? Where are you?"

A banner falls down from the roof of the library and balloons with it. The banner reads: Happy Birthday, Monty!

Everyone jumps out from behind the bookshelves and screams, "Happy Birthday, Monty!"

Fleamont smiles. "Thank you. Now, James, give me my journal."

James smiles guiltily and gives Monty back his journal. "Sorry, Dad. It was the only way."

Fleamont smiles. "It's ok." Monty pats James' head. He looks around and spots his wife, his daughter's, his son's, and his brother.

His daughter is Marlene McKinnon. Her parents only wanted boys, never girls. Of course, she was the only girl, but at five, she met his son, James. They soon became friends, and Monty became her dad. She never went back to her house since twelve. She's barely seen her parents or brothers since then.

Her daughter's girlfriend is Dorcas Meadows. They have been together since their fourth year. Dorcas kind of became family after years of them being together and has been staying with them ever since. Her family wasn't so kind to her either. Her younger sister, Elizabeth, was the favorite, and her mother was disappointed in her being a Slytherin in the first place. Her mom was a Ravenclaw and had hoped she would be too when they found out she was accepted to Hogwarts. Elizabeth is a muggle, which means the only way they'd be disappointed was if she got in trouble or got bad grades. Dorcas became another of Fleamont and Euphemia's daughters at only fifteen.

Two of his sons are brothers, Sirius and Regulus Black. Their parents are Orion and Walburga, which isn't the best kind of parents to have. Sirius had become friends with James in their first year, and when they were fifteen, he ran away to live them, which gave him another son. A year later, Regulus also ran away to live them. Regulus has been James' boyfriend since James' sixth year and Regulus' fifth.

He also sees Alphard, his last boyfriend, before he married his wife. He's now his best friend. Charlus, his brother, is next to his wife, Rose, and Euphemia is next to them holding a cake. "Oh, darling."

"Happy birthday, my love. Make a wish and blow out your candles." Effie says, walking towards her husband with his cake.

"I don't need a wish, I already have everything I need." Monty replies right before blowing out his candles. Everyone around the room smiles in return at Monty's response.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55971745

[iwriteasfotini]

Where do we draw the villain line?

Something which is so intriguing to me about the Harry Potter fandom is how flexible *most/some/a few* (honestly IDK how many) people are in giving the villains of the story their own story. Personally I LOVE THIS. Because the best villains are the ones who aren't simply macho bad guys (or gals) who are bad because the author said so. The best villains are the ones you are almost rooting for. The ones you begin to think... wait maybe that person isn't so bad. Or the ones who earn some empathy. And then go and be total arse holes anyways. Because a good story needs a villain, it's simply a fact.

If there was ever a time to remember humans are each living our own story, it is now. It doesn't excuse ANYTHING. It is infuriating and sad. But it is reality. Someone's villain is someone else's hero. And vice versa. But let's not get off on a tangent.

Now the curious thing is while certain HP characters are given some grace where their evil deeds are concerned, others are not. Like at all. Have any of you read Crimson Rivers? Of course you have! If you want to shift your mindset on how you view most of the Death Eaters, read that fic. But in it, I do not remember Mulciber or Avery being mentioned in any sort of good light. Walburga... her terrible parenting is quite undisputed. Umbridge! Barty Crouch Senior! I think Vernon Dursley falls into this category. There are still characters who are seen as simply evil for the sake of evil.

So how did Tom, Bella, Barty, Draco (but I mean, Draco is really a terrible villain to begin with) and a few others end up with backstory, humanity, and quite a few people invested in them. I don't have the answer, but it is an interesting phenomena. Because I am quite new to the fandom and it took all of three tumblr posts to get me fully on board with Rosekiller. Bella, I don't like her, but she is a fascinating character to write for. And she has redeemable qualities. Tom is a cold hearted killer who might have turned out completely different if he didn't have the childhood trauma he did. I imagine Tom's orphanage life was about as void of love and affection as it is possible to be. Sure his basic survival needs were taken care of, but he wasn't loved. And that was his life from birth.

Perhaps it is the fact there is just enough humanity given to these characters in canon that in fandom we take that nugget of humanity and turn it into a full fledged backstory. Barty is a great example. He is screaming at his father during his trial and his father flat up ignores him, all while his mother is weeping in the background. His mother sacrifices herself for him, then DIES two days later (clearly she wasn't in good health to begin with... hmmmmm...). Does Barty even have a Dark Mark? WE DON'T KNOW. Does Barty feel like he has a personal connection with Voldemort, yes, their fathers were both pieces of shite. How did Barty learn this about Tom? It means Tom went out of his way to connect with Barty on a PERSONAL level at some point. Why would he bother, he so rarely give away personal information? Also I feel Barty has a relationship with Winky which is reminiscent of Regulus and Kreacher. Basically there is mutual love and respect on some level (while some wizards see house-elves as servants only).

The fact we can ask all these questions about someone who essentially guided Harry to his should have been death and then was kissed by a dementor (which Dumbledore was LIVID about BTW) makes him such great fodder for the fandom to sculpt a intriguing if not rich back story. It's why I was able to get on board with the Barty isn't a pure villain idea so fast. And I think it really enhances the fandom.

On a side note, Peter's an interesting one as I feel like he is often either forgotten about or lumped into the evil for evil's sake category. Peter made appalling choices, but I think he has a backstory, just like everyone, which can at least account for some of why he did what he did. And it does not have to do with him being bullied, pushed around, or constantly berated by his supposed friends. The Marauders loved each other, and Peter was included in that love.

That being said, there are plenty of people who disagree. Who like to see the Death Eaters as evil. Who cannot fathom how anyone in their right mind can ship Jegulus or be invested in a villain. But to those people I say, Regulus committed suicide as part of taking down Voldemort, Remus put peoples lives at risk every time he left the shack while he was at Hogwarts, Sirius has made some very questionable choices, Harry uses Sectumsempra on Draco, Severus was a Death Eater who changed allegiance, Ron deserts his friends/Harry when they need him, even Fred and George test products on first years and give Hermione a black eye. The lines between good and bad (which are at least somewhat defined in canon) become far less clear in fandom. As Sirius says, the world isn't split between good people and Death Eaters.

If you have read this far into my rant, kuddos to you. If you enjoy thinking and talking about backstory of HP villains, maybe we can connect in some capacity and exchange HC's and thoughts. I also hope you will check out my very epic series which has started posting on Ao3 because I am striving to tell a lot of people's stories in a fast paced, entertaining way.

Thank you for your time and attention. This concludes my rant.

[flightlessfinch]

garden song by phoebe bridgers / the black brothers.

"the doctor put her hands over my liver she told me my resentment's getting smaller"

in the house of black, resentment and anger is a birthright. it's passed down from parent to child, and the only escape is estrangement. if you're disinherited, you cannot inherit your mother's rage.

this song makes me think of both of the black brothers, but especially sirius. being scapegoated for your entire life will build resentment toward the golden child whether you want the anger to be there or not. sirius loves his brother, but in childhood they were not only brothers, best friends, but rivals for their parents' love and affection. favouritism is toxic. it builds a rift between children. at ten, regulus learned that association with his own brother would sour his image in his parents' eyes. he lived in fear of becoming him. he'd been taught that he could only earn love with obedience and "goodness." sirius' abuse was a tool orion and walburga used to exert control over regulus. "if you're bad, if you're anything like your brother, this will be you. we won't love you anymore." when you are a child, losing your parents' love is the subject of nightmares.

their gentle treatment of regulus served as another tool of abuse toward sirius. "we care capable of being loving, patient, and gentle. just not to you, because you are wrong, and bad, and broken. you are a rotten child. if you were different, we would love you." they had completely different childhoods under the same roof.

children growing up in abusive households don't have a baseline for "normal." abuse is normal to them. they don't know it's abusive or bad until they are much older, and reflect on their experiences in childhood (if they even remember, which oftentimes they don't. trauma gets written over by the brain all the time). sirius likely thought he was evil, and bad, and broken when he was a kid. he was told he deserved it by his parents, and they're his parents, so he believed them. he loved his mother and father. he was hungry for their love in return, but he couldn't do anything right in their eyes.

the scapegoat cannot earn love with "goodness" or obedience. everything they do is wrong.

sirius grew up angry. he was taught his emotions weren't important, and he was punished for expressing himself, so his quiet childhood anger grew louder and louder. he was hungry for love, but he learned love was impossible for him to acquire, so he settled for attention. hatred can be a substitute for love. at least when he was hated he wasn't invisible.

"i grew up here 'til it all went up in flames except the notches in the door frame"

sirius and regulus had a complicated relationship that often toed the line between love and hatred, because every lesson they learned about love taught them that it is conditional and transactional. they loved each other but it was in a stormy, inconstant way. they fought like cats. the bond between brothers is vicious in a way a relationship with anyone else could never be. they were in each others first memories, they don't remember what it's like not to have a brother (until sirius learns, and realizes estrangement and death are more different than he imagined when he left. "you're dead to me" is one thing, death is quite another).

they are the only two people on earth who know what it was like to grow up in that house.

i don't think they ever apologized to each other for anything. they've said unforgivable things to each other over and over again, and didn't address a word of it once the anger faded, just like their parents. they were close when they were kids because sirius hadn't ruined himself in his parents' eyes yet. likely, before sirius was sorted into gryffindor he was his parents' favourite child because he was their heir.

regulus was more than likely an afterthought most of the time for the first ten years of his life. he isn't as charming, handsome, or outgoing as sirius, which probably resulted in negative comparisons. "why can't you be more like sirius? why are you so shy?" that sort of thing. he grew up hungry for love, and sirius grew up nourished by it because he was golden.

then, he revealed his "flaw" and his parents turned on him. this must have been terrifying. regulus, after being an afterthought for his entire life, was suddenly the favourite. despite sirius' suffering, regulus must have been quietly happy about this for a long time. children aren't as empathetic as adults are. they're also selfish, it's developmentally normal. regulus didn't understand why sirius couldn't just be "good" and stop making their parents angry. he didn't understand that no matter what sirius did, there would always be a fault in it.

to his parents sirius was a rotten, bad child. no matter how much you wash rotten fruit, it won't unripen. he was doomed. he probably tried to please them, especially when he was younger (first to fourth year, i'd say, before he learned that his childhood was not normal). he was clever, he probably brought home perfect marks with the hope that his parents would offer him a crumb of affection, and was left disappointed every single time. which resulted in more rebellion because if he was going to be bad in their eyes no matter what, why would he even try to make them happy?

regulus didn't have friends like james or remus to help him understand that his childhood was abusive. if you believe his friends were people like barty crouch jr and evan rosier, both of them probably had similar childhood experiences to regulus. the rosier family is also old, traditional pure-bloods. barty canonically has a horrible relationship with his dad, which his mother seemingly enabled if not normalized. she obviously loved barty a lot, but she also failed to protect him from his father's anger.

because he didn't understand how abusive his parents were to him as well as sirius, he probably blamed sirius for his own suffering. when he talked about it with his friends, barty and evan probably would have agreed with him. "they're nice to you, they'd be nice to him too if he wasn't such a shit-stirrer. he's doing it for attention." he was taught to hate his brother. his parents indirectly told him with their actions that sirius didn't deserve love, and as they grew older and grew apart, when sirius found unconditional love and acceptance outside of their family, regulus' resentment toward sirius turned into hatred.

regulus was a lonely child. he was shown over and over again that he could not be himself or he would not be loved by his family. he was taught that he couldn't be close with his own brother. as a subconscious form of self-preservation he likely distanced himself from sirius regardless, because if he knew him and loved him less it wouldn't hurt so much to inevitably see him be abused right in front of him. to survive, regulus made himself so small he hardly existed. he didn't interfere with his parents' punishments and harsh words for sirius because if he did, he would lose the only source of acceptance and love in his life.

sirius watched regulus watch him suffer and do nothing. he decided he was a coward, and he didn't love him enough to help him.

"i don't know when you got taller see our reflection in the water"

sirius waited until his sixth year to run away. i think if regulus wasn't in that house he would have ran away from home much sooner.

when you are the older sibling in an abusive household you feel a sense of responsibility to protect your younger sibling. you are automatically parentified. your parents are not to be trusted, so your little brother comes to you with the big, scary questions he has. you become independent and self-sufficient. you stand between your abusive parent and your brother because you don't want him to get hurt. you grow up fast because if you don't you'll suffer more, and your sibling will suffer more too.

sirius was taught that he deserved the hatred he experienced, and he knew if he left the hatred would have nowhere to go but his brother. the idea of leaving him alone there, and not knowing whether or not he was safe, whether or not his parents were in a rage, whether or not regulus had a question that needed answering that he couldn't bring to their parents, made sirius feel obligated to stay.

this brings us back to resentment.

regulus blamed sirius for their parents abuse. sirius blamed regulus for the abuse he experienced, because he was staying in that house for him, so every terrible thing he experienced, every harsh word, was for regulus. all of this, while regulus didn't believe they were being abused at all.

i imagine regulus wasn't grateful that sirius stayed. he probably thought he was stupid for not leaving whenever he had a chance. he probably said so every single time sirius went to him for comfort after something awful happened in that house. they had explosive fights about this, the kind of fights you can only have with your brother. this went on for two years, until something truly horrific happened and sirius had to go.

"i hopped the fence when i was 17 then i knew what i wanted"

even if you have to get out to survive, leaving an abuser is hard. sirius still loved his parents, and he loved his brother. he must have felt guilty for not being the son they wanted, despite his rage toward them. abusers are not abusive all the time. he likely has fond memories with both of his parents, as well as his brother. his mother's hands were gentle as often as they were harsh, and the emotional confusion that is created with that sort of inconsistency will result in guilt when a child thinks of their parent in a negative light.

regulus likely compounded this when they discussed it. "our parents aren't abusive. you're ungrateful. you want to be coddled. they're hard on us because they want us to be strong. you shouldn't speak that way about our mother. she says she does everything out of love for us, she's our mother, sirius, do you really think she's a monster?" sirius doesn't think she's a monster, he thinks she's cruel, and abusive, because his friends helped him to see her honestly.

in canon, when he discusses regulus' blood supremacist beliefs, sirius says: "...my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them..." (referring to their parents). i don't think that this mindset, for regulus, stopped at blood supremacy. regulus is always trapped in his parents' version of their childhood, and he is so emotionally invested in it that seeing his own childhood any other way is unthinkable to him. if his parents are abusive and unloving, and he has spent his whole life making himself small to appease them, how could he live with that reality? how could he bear it? it is a sunk-cost fallacy.

every punishment regulus was ever given, he was convinced he deserved. sirius knew it wasn't fair. they couldn't see eye to eye.

the night sirius left, i think regulus realized he was right about their parents. i think he thought they abused sirius, but not him. he realized that the way their parents treated sirius couldn't possibly be normal. i think he died believing his parents didn't abuse him. the guilt he must have felt about this is unfathomable. believing his brother was abused and for some reason he was not, when regulus was abused, is so painful.

regulus quietly resented sirius for leaving him behind. in his ugliest, most selfishly human moments he viewed it as a lack of love, not entirely self-preservation. his self-esteem was undoubtedly already terrible because of the nature of his parents inconsistent and conditional love, when sirius finally left regulus probably internalized his absence as proof that there is something fundamentally unlovable about him. they didn't speak after sirius left, even at school. if regulus spoke to sirius, he knew he might get in trouble for it. there must have been a sense of betrayal, no matter how justified sirius was for leaving. regulus doesn't seem like he would be able to handle guilt well. sirius represents a lot of unpleasant emotion for regulus. regulus represents a lot of unpleasant emotion for sirius. they probably both actively avoided each other.

it didn't help that there was another, external barrier rising between them.

they went to opposite sides of the war. regulus found community and acceptance among the death eaters. sirius found community and acceptance with the marauders and the order of the phoenix.

"no, i'm not afraid of hard work i get everything i want i have everything i wanted"

by his sixth year, regulus has everything he always wanted as a child. his parents' undivided attention and love. friends. power. it is bittersweet.

by his seventh year, sirius has everything he always wanted as a child. a home far away from his family. freedom. boundless love. it is bittersweet.

their differences are irreconcilable.

sirius heals the wound of his childhood and tries to build a life he is proud of, but it is impossible to escape the shadow of his family. they haunt him. he worries about his brother the same way he did when they were kids, but he knows he cannot stand up for him anymore. it was too much. he had to save himself. he knows the danger regulus is in, and the dark path he is walking down, but he can't help him because regulus doesn't want to be helped.

you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

"everything's growing in our garden you don't have to know that it's haunted"

[accio-sriracha]

Not Without Him

By: Accio_Sriracha

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Relationships: Regulus Black/James Potter, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Characters: Regulus Black, James Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, Walburga Black, Remus Lupin

Word Count: 7k :)

Additional Tags: Trigger Warning, Abusive Content, Minor Character Death, Gross Imaging, Read at Your Own Risk, Regulus Black Needs a Hug, Regulus Black and Sirius Black Angst, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Abusive Walburga Black, James Potter is doing his best, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Please Don't Hate Me

Summary:

If you told James Potter a year ago that he would be standing in front of Grimmauld Place begging Regulus Black to kill him… well, he'd probably laugh in your face.

But now, as he stands here with tears in his eyes, watching Sirius struggling against his mother's hold, he realises maybe it isn't quite as far-fetched as he once thought.

In other words: James Potter goes on a rescue mission during the summer before seventh year and finds himself faceplanting in love with his best friend's brother.

[del-stars]

"i could write an entire essay on how sirius internalises his failure to be a 'good heir' into thinking something is inherently wrong with him" - you cant say that and not give it to me !! give it to me. now. (please)

essay time essay time essay time !!!!!!!

okay, so. this is not a New Idea but i do feel like pureblood society/beliefs align very closely with religion, specifically catholicism (which is my personal frame of reference). not in the hierarchical way necessarily, but in the 'you're born into this and thus have to believe in it' sort of way (also the familial shaming and cutting off 'wayward' children who challenged the belief system).

there is such a deep sense of shame in leaving religion. even when you know it's the right thing to do, even when you're not sorry, even when you have no desire to go back to it. sirius, in the same way, feels like a failure. he couldn't be what he was supposed to be. it doesn't matter that he didn't want to - he couldn't. and your first instinct (generalizing here) when you find yourself unable to align with a belief system (for instance, growing up queer in a church that doesn't accept that) isn't to blame the system itself, but to blame yourself. there's something wrong with you, and that's why you're uncomfortable in the system, that's why you find yourself questioning, that's why you can't fit in like everyone else can: because you were born wrong.

sirius thinks he was born wrong. he thinks there is something wrong with him. he doesn't agree with blood purity and pretty much never has, he sticks out from his family, and he's a gryffindor - those things are wrong. he isn't supposed to be that way. he is missing out on what he has long been told is everything he could ever want: being the heir, controlling the family, having the money and influence and power - and (in his mind) he is choosing not to have it. he could let it all go and go back, except he can't, because it isn't really a choice. it's the way he is.

he is obviously a guilt-ridden, not at all well-adjusted teenager with a backpack full of trauma, so he doesn't respond the best to certain situations, and this reinforces this belief. the prank, his deep hatred for snape, his constantly getting in trouble, his general lack of emotional intelligence and control, the fact that his parents didn't love him or even seem to like him: all because he is inferior. he is worse than everyone else. this then pervades pretty much every aspect of his life: he thinks the potters don't want him around, he thinks his friends secretly hate him, he thinks mcgonagall believes he'll end up going nowhere in life. his response to this is to bury it under so much bravado that nobody could even think he actually feels this way, but that's another essay.

this is all worsened by being raised in an abusive household. walburga used to be obsessed with sirius, and then (because of her own instability) started abusing him. sirius blames himself for this - there must have been something he's done. except he can't think of anything, and so it must be something within him. there is something wrong with him that means his mother cannot love him, and if his own mother is incapable of loving him, then who ever could?

i think all this explains why in canon he didn't escape azkaban sooner, because he fully blamed himself for james and lily's deaths. sure, one could argue that he is a little bit, but the burden of that guilt should rest on peter. sirius assumes it fully, though, because he thinks everything he touches is destined to be destroyed.

[themuseoftheviolets]

the birth order for the black siblings goes: walburga, alphard, cygnus. and that alone is enough to make me Crazy

walburga is the oldest, so she should have been the heir. but she's a girl, so of course she isn't. instead, alphard is the heir, and cygnus is the spare

and i think that's so interesting when you think about how walburga married her own cousin, who was the heir of a different branch of the black family

she could never be the heir, so she settled for the next best thing: marrying the heir. but that's not really better, is it? she'll still never be the head of the family, despite being the first born. instead all she is to the family is a wife and a mother. she gets to keep her name, but it's not really hers anymore, is it?

and after alphard is disowned (we'll get back to that in a second), cygnus becomes the heir/head of the family

and then you have the fact that walburga had sons while cygnus only had daughters. cygnus got everything: he could keep his name no matter who he married, he eventually inherited the whole family, but what he never had was a son. someone to carry on his name, someone to inherit everything he had

his daughters would marry and take their husband's name, so he had no true heir. but walburga did. she had two sons

and she clings to that. it's the only thing she has that cygnus doesn't. she's the one who carried on the family name

it's nothing compared to what cygnus has, not really, but she holds that over him. she can never be the heir, but she can mold the next one

now. back to alphard. this is where my own characterization of alphard comes into play, since we have very little canon about him

to me alphard was never suited to being the heir, while his siblings were. and i think there was some bitterness there, with the fact that he was the heir just because he was the oldest boy, even though it should have been walburga or cygnus. to me, alphard rejects the role he was given, and i think walburga sees him in her own sons

sirius, who was also the heir, and who rebelled against the family and was disowned. and regulus, who was never suited to be the heir, who, like alphard, never had what it takes to be the head of the family

alphard leaves sirius money when he dies, despite sirius having been disowned, and because of that walburga burns his name off the family tree

this is the brother who had everything she wanted, everything that should have been hers, because she's the oldest. she's the one who has what it takes to be the heir. but she could never have that because she was born a girl. walburga could never take what she wanted, it's never going to be hers

all she has are sons who are the only heirs left in the family, and her name which is no longers her but her husband's, but now she can burn her brother's name off the tree and disown him. it gives her a small sense of revenge, even if it's meaningless, in the end

alphard's already dead. this won't change anything to him. it's not really a victory for walburga, but it's all that she has

and she clings to it

[katakosmos]

Elaborating on my last ask:

There’s a LOT of patriarchal subtext in HP, which shouldn't be a mystery to anybody at this point. And if we’re taking that subtext to mean the Wizarding World and esp pureblood culture is patriarchal, than I think we can use that as a tool to see how traditional masculine bonds between men form under that system and how women factor into that.

Under patriarchy, women to men are a status symbol as much as money is. You get validation from having a lot of money but you don’t seek approval in your money. Because it’s money, it’s an object its opinion doesn’t even exist to you. Women are considered in the same. Men idolize and seek approval/respect from other men and that approval makes up the foundation of a lot of their self worth.

To Barty, his father’s rejection/absence doesn’t only hurt on a typical parent/child level: it’s emasculating for him—it marks him as someone who is weak and undeserving of respect. He feels wholly disempowered by it. And his mother’s love cannot heal this because she is a woman and her love for him is at best useless. If not, it’s a nuisance that makes him be seen as a “mama’s boy”, which is further emasculating. Winky’s devotion is even more irrelevant bc she is literally his property.

Obv this is not the only way to view bcj’s whole deal but it is an interesting one that i think helps explain why he was so vulnerable to radicalization

ohhh, this is so interesting and so right.

i never noticed cause we don't have many examples of pureblood families in harry potter, but in the ones we have, it seems that women play an important role. bellatrix is one of the most faithful death eaters, narcissa has a fundamental role in the story; or even walburga, who is mentioned by sirius much more often than orion, of whom we know almost nothing. but then, beyond the surface, we have the problem of arranged marriages, or the fact that women in harry potter (<- and they are also really few) seem to only fulfill themselves when they become mothers.

between women treated as objects or stereotyped (both for personality and race) there isn't much choice. not to mention the absolute lack of female solidarity (like all the HORRIBLE things molly, hermione and ginny said about fleur when she started dating bill).

about barty... i like this interpretation. even if, for me, the absence of barty crouch sr in barty's life was not highlighted for a case of emasculation, but more to create the classic storyline of the problematic child with abandonment issues (which i don't like anyway, and it doesn't make sense for the character). BUT I MEAANNN give me the worst barty you can ever think of and i'm in.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Sirius was 16 when Regulus was born, and ran away when Regulus was only a couple of months old. He and James are happily married and have a son together, Harry (who was born 1980, like canon).

One day Sirius is visited by a Wizard Solicitor with a Will telling him that he’s inherited half of the Black fortune, and is now also has custody of his younger brother, who is a about 8 at this point.

Sirius assumed that his brother had been the perfect child for his parents, he expects a blood-purist spoiled brat — instead he’s got a child who’s abuse makes his own (which was already severe) seem like nothing.

Just Sirius feeling guilt for abandoning Regulus, feeling responsible for his abuse, and he and James trying to give him the best life possible — and Harry being adorable, and Regulus and him becoming the best brothers, which makes Sirius feel complicated feelings.

((A/N: Mentions of child abuse))

Anger and discomfort. That's what Sirius felt when his father pushed a week-old baby into his arms and said, "Hold him until your mother gets back."

The new baby, his new brother, sixteen years younger than him, Regulus, whimpers pathetically. He tries to rearrange his arms so the baby won't start screaming, but does he know anything about babies? He's never really been around one before. This is maybe the second time he's held one, and he would've been happier if it had stayed at one.

"Why can't you bloody hold him?" Sirius asks as Orion backs away. "He's your stupid son."

"As are you," Orion replies dryly, a familiar angry glint in his eye. "So do as I say and hold your sodding brother while I get a drink." He leaves, long strides taking him from the room far faster than Sirius can chase after him. He doesn't like the fact that he has a sibling now or that he's supposed to wait here until Walburga gets in-- whenever that's supposed to be-- but he doesn't want to bash the baby's head into the door, so he has to stop following their father and wait in the room as requested.

He sighs, gives the door an impotent kick, then gingerly makes his way to a chair. It's easier to hold a baby while sitting, right? He's heard that somewhere. Maybe, if he's lucky, Regulus will stay asleep. Or is he awake and just not crying? It's hard to tell which when his face is so scrunched up. Sirius isn't sure. As long as he's quiet though, he doesn't care.

He knows what a new sibling means. His parents didn't say it in as many words, but they didn't need to; he knows that he's a disappointment to them. He's said a hundred times (to James), that if they could replace him, they would. And now they have.

His parents don't like each other. They don't have sex for fun. They purposefully conceived Regulus so that, once Sirius is gone, they'll have a new heir. Sirius knows that he won't be here much longer. It's a toss up whether he runs or they throw him out. He thinks he's going to run; he'll be able to pack all of his things that way.

He glances down at the (thankfully) still quiet baby in his arms and hates him, just a little bit. Right now, he's fine. He's a baby. He doesn't have personality, he's trying to figure out going to sleep and eating when he's hungry. But when he grows up? Sirius turned out alright, in spite of their parents. Regulus probably won't turn out the same. Andromeda noted to him once, in the corner of one of their family gatherings, "It's fifty-fifty if one of us isn't utter shite. It's like, you and I turned out good, so Bellatrix and Narcissa have to be piss." Sirius laughed, knowing the truth in her words; Uncle Alphard, present but apart from the others like they were, was a clear sign. They could turn out good, but it wasn't a guarantee.

If Sirius is fine, then what does that mean for the future of this newborn baby? He'll grow up under Walburga and Orion's watchful eyes and the 'benefit' of hindsight that raising Sirius will have given them.

Sirius will grow to hate him. That stir of anger, to that future, to their parents, is still there. "Sorry, mate," he whispers. Angry or not, he pities him.

*

There's a knock on the door, and James answers. "Hullo. Erm, can I help you?"

"I'm a solicitor, my name is Joe Byrne." He holds a business card out. It's a deep green, almost black but its colour is visible from the sunlight shining on the doorstep. "I'm here to speak to Sirius Potter."

James takes the card and glances down at it. The sigil stamped to the background and the skate of magic underlining his information like an errant drop of water mean he's old money-- which means he's likely connected to the Black family. "I don't know what business you could have with him."

"I presume you're his husband, James Potter?"

"That's correct."

"Mr. Potter, are you aware that his mother recently passed?"

"Yes-" it was in The Prophet "-but she disowned him. I know children are usually in the will even if they're estranged, but this isn't a usual situation."

Mr. Byrne doesn't appear bothered by this. "The will has been read. What Walburga Black may or may not have done to disown your husband in a social manner wasn't reflected legally, so I need to speak with him."

James knows he's being overprotective by thinking anyone connected with the Black's-- even professionally-- is bad for Sirius. So he swallows it down, tucks the card in his pocket, and says, "Okay. Please, come in. Would you like a cup of tea?"

"Please. Thank you."

James waves his wand to get things started in the kitchen and leads Mr. Byrne to an armchair. They're both quiet as he sits. Another wave of his wand brings the teapot out, the tray and cups trailing behind it. He can't remember if it's polite to pour for him or not; it's been so long since he tried to be proper, and that was occasionally, not all the time. Bloody hell, he shouldn't care about this, and he doesn't, really, but he's nervous. Sirius's parents are an old scar, but they are a scar. What's the point in putting pressure on that scar again? For a single galleon that his mother left, just to spite him? "Go ahead," he says, motioning to the tea service, "and I'll go get Sirius."

Mr. Byrne thanks him, so even if it was a mistake, it's a small one.

James isn't looking forward to this. To any part of this. He didn't even want to let the solicitor in, but now he has to tell Sirius that he's here, and he likes that less. He heads to the backyard, where they were soaking in the sun for a few hours while Harry's at the Longbottom's.

Sirius glances over when he walks out, then frowns. "You alright?"

"There's a solicitor here for you. From Walburga."

"I don't imagine we'd have anything to discuss."

"I said the same to him, but he claims you're in the will." James holds out a hand to him and tries to smile. "Best to get it over with."

Sirius sighs but agrees, taking his hand and joining him inside.

Mr. Byrne introduces himself to Sirius before opening his briefcase and removing a sizeable folder. "I apologize for coming to your home to discuss this, but my letters didn't receive any response and certain matters need to be taken care of quickly."

"We received quite a bit of post after her death," James says by way of apology. None of the letters were welcome; they'd burned the lot of it without sifting through to check senders.

"I understand," he replies, accepting. Then he looks to Sirius. "In summary, you are now the Head of the Black family. There's quite a bit of details to get through in relation to that, but we can schedule an appointment for that if you prefer. The most urgent matter is that of your younger brother, one Regulus Black. Since your mother's death, he's been staying with a member of S.U.B.S., but the hope is to transfer him into your custody as quickly as possible. There are a few forms I need your signature on, and then you'll be his legal guardians." Mr. Byrne is very efficient about the whole matter. As he's speaking, he retrieves a quill and inkwell from his briefcase. By the time he's done, the inkwell is unstoppered, and the corresponding forms are facing Sirius and James.

Two minutes ago, they had a three year old and struggled with that. Now they're being told they have to raise another kid, one who's older and they've never met.

Sod everything.

*

Sirius and James have a certain idea what Regulus will be like. Sirius was raised in that house, he knows what life was like before he went to Hogwarts, and Regulus is eight. He was snooty and cold and unused to anything like James and Sirius as they are now; Regulus will be the same, possibly worse.

The first glimpse they get of Regulus makes them rethink that assumption.

The first conversation they try to have with him crushes that assumption beneath a harsh hammer and grinds it up afterwards. At first, Regulus is too loud, too aggressive. Then, he's quiet, almost not daring to breathe, and he shrinks away like he expects pain. When none comes, he flees to the loo with a murmured excuse.

"That's not normal," Sirius whispers to James. They need to talk about it, but he doesn't want Regulus to overhear. And, given what just happened, he doesn't want to go too far from him.

"Definitely not," James whispers back. "D'you think they hurt him?"

"That's what it looked like, but it doesn't make any sense. They wanted to make him the perfect son to replace me." He shakes his head. "This doesn't follow."

"Maybe he's skittish from losing his parents and living with strangers," James says, but he doesn't sound like he believes it.

Sirius doesn't believe it either, but he says, "Yeah. Maybe."

*

"Are you going to lock me in the basement?" Regulus asks one day over lunch.

Sirius wishes Harry weren't here for this, and James wishes that there was a warning before someone asked something so horrible like that.

"There's no basement," Harry informs him. "Uncle Peter's house has a basement, but he says I can't go in." He's too young to understand the horrible implications in Regulus’s question. To him, it's a question on the same level as 'can I go in Dad's potion lab' or 'can we have dinner early today'.

James tries to smile. "Right. Like Harry said, no basement. I don't know why we'd do something like that to you anyways."

"The full moon is tomorrow night."

His stomach sinks, because that didn't sound like a different topic, and he doesn't want to ask, but he has to. Sirius braces himself and asks, "Why is that important?"

"They put me in the basement for my transformations."

He blinks. "Transformations?"

"When I become a wolf." Regulus said it as if this was information they already knew.

Sirius and James both force themselves not to react; there's no point in making him think it's a bad reaction. "Right. You don't have to do that anymore, we have something else worked out." They'll have to figure it out tonight. It'll be easy, since they can both transform and keep him company, but finding a suitable location will be a bit of a challenge-- and finding someone to mind Harry while they were both gone, helping Regulus, won't be easy because of the short notice. 

*

"I should've taken Regulus with me when I ran away from my parents," Sirius says, staring up at the ceiling and hating himself for something eight years past. From the corner of his eye, he can see James pause.

"You're not blaming yourself, are you?"

He says nothing.

James sighs, a quiet, sad thing, and pads over to the bed. He sits and places a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "We were sixteen. We couldn't have raised a kid."

"We would've figured it out," Sirius says stubbornly. He's convinced that it's true. They had Harry a little earlier than was wise, but they had each other, so they were able to get through it. It would've been the same with Regulus; they would've been scared and stressed with juggling everything, but they would've managed it.

James lays down. He throws one leg over Sirius's and curves his arm to smush between them so he can hold his hand. He should probably look up at the ceiling with him, but instead he stares at Sirius. His jaw is set, eyes tight, and he's glaring at the red paint like it's done him wrong. "I know you feel bad for him. I do too, but there's nothing we could have done-"

"We could've helped," Sirius cuts in, voice hard.

Mm. He isn't going to make this easy, is he? James keeps himself from sighing again, knowing it'll only make Sirius more defensive. "Okay. Humour me. You're sixteen, and you show up at my house with a baby in your arms. My parents let you and Regulus both live there. We-"

"I know that it wouldn't have been easy with Hogwarts, but-"

James is the one to cut him off this time. "I wasn't talking about Hogwarts, I was talking about Walburga and Orion. If you'd brought him with you, that would be kidnapping. Do you really think they'd let that slide? The law would've been on their side, and they would've wanted him back."

"They treated him like rubbish!" Sirius says, turning his head to glare at James instead of the ceiling. "He's a werewolf; they wouldn't have raised a finger."

"He wasn't a werewolf back then."

A retort is on the tip of his tongue, but he hesitates when that penetrates his fog of guilt and self-recrimination. James is right; Regulus wasn't a werewolf. He doesn't know when he was bitten, but it had to be after he left. "I still think I should've been able to do something," he eventually says, feeling helpless and hating it.

"You didn't know. And it doesn't seem like anyone else knows; they kept it locked down. All we can do is focus on how much better parents we're going to be to him," James says with a grin.

Sirius snickers. "Yeah. Doesn't sound like it'll be hard."

"We'll blow them out of the water."

*

Harry thinks it's fun to have Regulus around. Where James and Sirius are sometimes too busy to play with him exactly the way he wants, Regulus is always free-- and, importantly, always willing. Regulus and Harry both are enjoying the novelty of living with someone close to them in age. Hell, Regulus is enjoying playing. So much of it, he seems to be experiencing for the first time (like he's never had a playmate), but sometimes he does act the five years older than Harry that he is, knowing what Harry wants before he says a word.

It's pretty damn cute no matter which way he's acting. He talks more now, which is a marked improvement on when he first moved in. He doesn't fully trust Sirius and James yet, but they've got plenty of time to build off that, and he does trust them a little. He doesn't expect for them to berate him over nothing; he doesn't expect for them to lock him away on full moons or when he gets 'too annoying'. James gets frustrated with the slow pace sometimes, hating that Sirius has to remind him that baby steps are the only way they'll make progress. Raising Harry is, by comparison, easy. He's known them his whole life, never had reason to doubt that they'll be there for him or keep him safe. Dealing with raising both of them at the same time, with these differing viewpoints, isn't easy, but they're surviving.

Regulus and Harry wore themselves out playing. Sirius, as Padfoot, joined the fun, and he's feeling lethargic as they head inside. When he curls up to take a nap, Harry joins him automatically, pillowing his head on thick fur. When Regulus sees the way Sirius doesn't shake him off, he joins them, arm over Harry and head resting on Padfoot's gently moving chest.

James comes home, takes a photograph before any of them can wake, then tiptoes around the house, wanting them to have as much peace as they can. It's not an easy family, not one he ever thought they'd have, but it's good. Regulus fits in, taking on the role of Harry's brother, with Sirius more like a father.

[mothraantics]

Crimson Born

Chapter 2

Summary: Regulus only wants to not live in his brothers shadows anymore, so what does he do? Date the enemy, the opposing prince of the Crimson Court James Potter, also known as his brothers best friend to retort and for once be in the light instead of his older brother.

Notes: This took me a while to write and I apologise.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Master Regulus is alive and well ma’am” says the mediwitch as he starts to gain consciousness again, “good, get him up” he hears his mothers voice before the door to his room closes. He quietly opens his eyes, “Happy debutante master, the house elves and the maids will be here shortly to give you your clothes for the breakfast ceremony” regulus groans, of course there's the ceremony first thing after a blood moon, as the doctor leaves the room he sits up, blood was splattered around his bedroom, he smelt of blood, he can feel blood. 

Ew. Was the only thought going through his head as he put his feet to the floor. His own bodily matter, blood, was soaking into his socks once more. The maids will not be pleased. Regulus shuffled to the bathroom adjacent to his bedroom, it was luckily clean. He turned the water on. Put in some soap. Stripped and cleaned. The stone tiles were littered with bloody footsteps as he threw the clothes he had ruined into the bin.

The mirror above his sink was yet to be fixed. He broke it one time and they haven't changed it yet. “Lousy house elves” he scoffs, exiting the bathroom, the blood was cleaned up already, his clothes neatly placed on the bed. He will speak to his mother about it. He quickly put on his clothing before the dinner started. A man did never have a debutante, it was mostly for the ladies of the land. Alas young royals in Lissara were put up on the podium after the women to have good engagements, true many were just in it for the money or sirius, but now it would be for once, all about him.

+-+

Scratch that it wasn't, no engagements were discussed in breakfast, a word from Sirius was heard about his current boyfriend but it was shot down by his mothers icy glare. Many women asked for regulus’ hand but none were up to his mothers standards. He was dreading the outcome. Was he going to end up marrying some unknown cousin? All three of his female cousins were already wed to your betrothed, exclude out Andromeda who has been missing for almost a few years now, had run off with some muggle from the east. It was truly worrying, if the bloodline of sirius ended with him and his dreaded boyfriend, it would be upon regulus, and if not on his bloody cousins.

Having Bellatrix on the throne was as terrifying as if letting the malfoys take up the seat. He had to think of something. “Well we may always marry him off to that girl. What's her name? Pandora Rosier?” says his mother, “Isn't she studying at That school, Academe Inspire?” says Bellatrix twirling her fork in her hands ,” how will we get her to come back, on top of having the weight as an heir.”

Walburga waves the girl off, the other frowning, “We shall get her with the right ways, The rosiers are in a scandal such as ours, with their son running around with the Mindspire spawn, Crouch was it? It's a scandal really” she scoffs. Regulus perks up hearing his friends, “A scandal, well he deserves to be in that” sirius says under his breath, regulus held himself back from kicking his own brothers shin out of sheer hatred. The Rosiers and the crouches were rather close familiar friends of his, Sirius never bothered to speak with anyone from their Empire as they attended the Etiquette lessons and so it was up to regulus to bring forth the connections. “Mother” regulus pipes up as the whole table turns to him. 

“I would like to correct slightly, Bartemius, is a full citizen of Lissara and one of my closest friends, him and the son of Rosier have not been, ‘running around’ as you may claim they are rather just…friends” he says as his mother gives him a cold glare. “Very well they are not being scandalous, but alas their reputation is not as bad and from the deepest depths of my heart I shall give them a visit today, see if they accept the proposition”

The table conversation ended on that, from the depths of his mothers icy heart, he was getting married off. She knew she had nothing to do against the rebel of a brother he had, sirius. One way or another the boy has evaded two marriages, one with Narcissia and one with another young lady from the  Harmony dominion, and now dating a man, werewolf. Nonetheless there was nothing she could do, she would hate him for eternity. It was nothing to do with sexuality no. Many known nobles were known to be homosexual, or on the lines of, and many more from the middle class of Lissara, it was unknown to regulus how the non magical ones treated such things in different regions, it was the werewolf part that was rather iffy to his mother and that he is apart of the Crimson Court. And the fact that he was dating a man. Homosexuality was commonly frowned upon. 

Breakfast was stale and gloomy after the conversation, the two princes were left to their own devices as the rest of the family scattered away. Some to their own parts of work, others to go meet old friends. “You dont think mother is angry with a man do you?” asks Sirius abruptly to Regulus. They were taking a passage in the gardens.

“she may be, you know her views on homosexuality, she almost passed a law to make it illegal brother” he says as they walk, more like he walks, Sirius was following him hoping for some honesty. “Why must you follow me?” Regulus asks, “if it's sympathy for what you are doing to the throne, it will never come.” He says turning to Sirius, “I am aware you love him, I can see it. I saw it, Remus means much to you, but mother will not allow a werewolf on the throne…no less a homosexual” Sirius sighs running his hand through his perfectly made hair messing it up, “i wish to remind you that if you do not succeed, i am for the throne. And if I do not succeed it is whom of our cousins first produces an heir. So Bellatrix or Malfoy. I wish not see mother repeated nor those malfoys crawling to the top” he Huff's. 

“Fair enough…” Sirius sighs, “I'm a lost cause-” “yes you are. You're lost and for that I must be betheoded immediately. As much as I do not care for marriage, I must marry this…woman, one who's sisters with one of my closest friends to fix your mistakes. I am tired of being your cleaner, be careful Sirius, because one day I may not be there to fix what you fucked up” – Sirius audibly gasps at his language – “in this family, one day I will not be your shadow and you will have to pick up after yourself” Regulus' says before turning around and stalking off. 

As much as he hated for getting angry at his stupid dumb brother, it was needed. Sirius was an airhead, he didn't think before he acted, Regulus was cunning, he thought he planned and he knew what to do. 

+-+

The ball that evening was in full swing, girls were basically hanging off of his waist for the majority of the night as Sirius paraded his boyfriend around the whole ballroom, everyone knew who the werewolf lover was by now. His face was famous. Remus was a quiet guy, he was shy and reserved, nothing you'd expect Sirius would date but there he was in the flesh. Regulus can say he will like the boy as a brother in law, of course if his mother allows it…or maybe she never will and they'll marry after she passes.

The trumpets blew, four, five, three toots in a row, the crimson court. The door master called out, “Prince James Potter of the Crimson Court!” The girls around Regulus basically dissipated to crowd around the new coming prince. So much for attention. It was stolen once again by some stuck up friend of Sirius'.

“Regulus' darling come, Auntie wants you” Bellatrix says, grabbing him by the upper arm. In the few years between them, him being sixteen her turning twenty one, he reluctantly followed her, the rosier family stood around his own, evan was for once present standing next to a girl with long blonde hair. It was platinum just how the Evans came. Blondes. 

“There he is the man of the hour” Mr.Rosier smiles as he and Regulus' shake hands, “Well it is lovely to hear that you have taken up our request to marry Pandora and Regulus your highness, we promise there will be no disappointment to you or the royal family. He says. The night was spent with Pandora and Evan, as Sirius once more stole the shine, as he and Remus danced in the ball, Regulus' did have a couple dances with the Rosier daughter and a few other ladies that asked him to dance. 

By the end he was tipsy, his cousins were flat drunk and he could hear the activities that the couples ensued. Pandora went home. 

It was sad and uneventful as the slow ball where mostly adults danced and chatted continued through the night. Most guests went to their inns, others stayed to leave last. Of course The Prince of the crimson court was still surrounded by lovely women. Muggles and magicals alike. 

Or so Regulus thought, “Well isn't it a nice night tonight” he hears behind him, he almost spins around in shock as the prince of the Crimson Court leans on the railing near him, “James” he says with distaste, there weren't any adults around he does not need to respect him, “Regulus'” the prince combats back as they stare off over the forest, the lights of the village can be seen to the right of the palace.

“What do you want potter?” He asks, looking down, debating. If he pushed James Potter down from here, how long would it take for the guards to find his annoying dead body, “I want nothing, can't I hang around with a friend?” He asks coyly. “We are not friends” Regulus quickly retorts. James puts a hand on his chest, “You wound me Black” he says, how annoying. “I was just here to ask if you have found a courtship yet” Regulus rolls his eyes, as if he wished to find one, “My mother has” James frowns, “your mother? You are to say you haven't chosen your own courtee?” 

“Unlike Sirius I listen to mother…so yes, I'm being betrothed to Rosier 's daughter.” He says as James nods understandingly, “you like her?” He asks out of the blue, “of course not, but i shall tolerate her for the sake of my empire” James stands quietly next to him, “I can always help you with-” Regulus cuts him off, “I wish not for one of your whores potter. As much as I appreciate you helping my brother I am not him, if it means cleaning up his mess and being forcibly married off to a woman i do not love then be it.”

He says turning and walking back to the ballroom, “You don't have to always be the fixer upper, Regulus..you can be yourself if you wish” Regulus' stops at that. “I am myself. I am the one that quietly in the shadows fixed my brother's wrong doings”

“you don't have to always be in the shadows-” 

“I do as I wish” 

+-+

Regulus stayed up all night thinking of what James said, he was right, he doesn't have to be always in the shadows. He stopped himself, Regulus almost wanted to puke, scream, possibly slap himself across the face. He was letting the Prince's words get to him, just like how they got to Sirius. His mother always said to never listen to the people of the Crimson Court, they aren't like Lissarians who twist their words with dual meaning or manipulate, but they get in your head. They make you feel brave to act out and not be who you are meant to be. 

That's how Sirius came to become himself and there he was with a werewolf hanging off his hip like a lost dog begging for his attention. How could he let the words of James Potter get him to think other than his true destiny. He was second he could never become first, he could never find a woman to love and dote on him as one would on his brother…or a man for all he cared, Regulus' wanted attention he wanted love. Any form or kind didn't matter anymore. He felt the hunger, the need for any kind of attention. He wanted the public to look at him and call him by his name. 

Not the Second Prince. 

Not the Second Son. 

Not the Younger one. 

Or the shy one

Or the one to save them from his brother's rowdy ways. 

He wanted to be known to the whole Empire of Lissara…no to the WORLD He was Regulus Atticius Black, the Prince of Lissara, and the one who can one up his brother. But this was impossible. He could marry a muggle woman, but then he would be a disgrace, he could always marry a man, but who can combat the attention his brother would get with that mutt. What was better than Remus John Lupin?

Regulus thought all night, and as the rays of the sun peaked from in between his curtains and the passing of maids and house elves arose in the halls, it hit him. It was as if the Cruciatus curse was shot at him, he hated himself for these thoughts for just a quick second, before he decided it was the best way to gain this attention he seeked. But would he agree? Would he join him? Would he help? 

“I can always help you–

Regulus felt if those words had another meaning…a different meaning, one that between alcohol, the need for sleep and pure hatred he misjudged. Maybe he would be willing to help. Regulus had to be fast, the convoys did not leave until noon and it was yet to even hit the first hours of the morning, the prince did not wait for any house elf or maid to come before he threw a bath for himself and got clean. He dressed and rushed out the door as Dippy apparate within the walls of his room, looking rather stunned. 

He followed his senses as he waves through the rushing maids of the morning and towards the west end of the palace where he knew the Convoys and the maidens rested. Some were already leaving, bidding them good morning as he passed, he quietly avoided the rosiers throughout all of this, lest they stop him to speak about the betrothal. At the far end as far away from his family as possible he made it to the last room. The one where he knew he was resting. He knocked on the door, and he heard shuffling from inside as the person quickly got themselves together and then opened the door. James Fleamont Potter, in all his morning glory, stood in front of him. 

“Regulus? What? It's like seven am? Is everything alright?” he asks as regulus pushes past him and stands just inside the room, James closing the door. “Remember the offer you asked of me last night?” James looks at him confused, Regulus can tell the man was hung over even slightly, he looked at him as if he had three heads before it clicked in his brain and James nodded. 

“I accept…But there will be my own terms”. James almost doubled over, he looked at him wearily. This was going to be one heck of a challenge.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter List here (including Ao3 Link)

Taglist:

[ms-dead-inside]

"Shipping Regulily is the same as shipping Snily."

No, it's not. And here's why:

Snape and Lily started out differently than Regulus and Lily. Snape was her childhood friend. While Lily probably had muggle friends, he was the only one to understand what she was going through when she had bouts of accidental magic. He showed her she wasn't a freak like her older sister was saying. Which is why what happened between them was a betrayal. He was already her friend, and he called her the worst racial slur possible against muggleborns (in public, no less), because he was embarrassed when she stood up for him like the good friend she was. Because it wasn't just about calling Lily names. It was the fact that he thought poorly about muggleborns, and Lily was just the exception.

And instead of taking that moment as a learning experience and turning neutral, at the very least, with the hope that they could restart their friendship if he shows he's actually changed, Snape doubles down. He joins Voldemort and moves up the ranks. There's a train of thought that if Voldemort hadn't killed Lily Potter, then Snape would have remained a death eater, and I agree with it whole-heartedly.

Compare that to Regulus, who was canonically kind to his house elf, a creature most are dismissive of at best and downright abusive to at worst, despite growing up in the Black House with Walburga of all mothers. Would he have ingrained prejudices due to his upbringing? Of course. But he is willing to change, and that is the difference. He sacrificed his life to betray everything his family wanted for him in order to help stop Voldemort.

The best part? He wasn't Lily's friend originally. Their relationship could start of with cool indifference and being coldly polite with each other. It's only after spending time with Lily does Regulus start to critically think about his prejudices. And Lily, who realizes this, is more than happy to show him that there is more to muggleborns and muggles than his family thinks.

Regulily is different than Snily because when Regulily gets together, whether romantic or platonic, Regulus has already faced his internal prejudices. There isn't an undertone of, "I dislike muggleborns, but I like you."

Of course, this is simply my opinion.

[padfootfm]

you   sip   what   the   devil's   drinking   ,   𝙷𝙾𝚃   𝙰𝚂   𝙷𝙴𝙻𝙻   and   i'm   thinking   '   baby   ,   baby   ,   baby   —   can   you   take   away   my   pain   ?

sirius   black,   as   written   by   abi   (   thirty,   she   /   her,   gmt   ) .   dependent   on     @departmentveil —  ANTI    JKR 

not   a   saint   but   𝙱𝚄𝚃   𝙳𝙾   𝙸   𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴   𝚃𝙾   𝙱𝙴   ?

 sirius   black   is   a   𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐁𝐋��𝐃   𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐃𝐔𝐀𝐋   ,   seeking   healing   ,   the   acceptance   of   grief   ,   the   loss   of   anger   .   he   is   bruised   knuckles   and   tobacco   stains   .   he   is   fearful   of   abandonment   and   of   loss   .   he   is   impulsive   ,   loud   mouthed   ,   attention   seeking   ,   and   stuck   in   arrested   development   and   he   is   on   a   path   of   destruction   .

by  merlin’s  magical  pocket  watch,  is  that    SIRIUS  BLACK ,  ( HUGH  DANCY )    emerging  from  the  veil?  why,  it’s  been    SEVEN  YEARS    since  HE  died!  they  still  look  THIRTY  SIX  ,  a  PUREBLOOD  who  went  to  HOGWARTS  some  time  ago  if  i  remember  rightly.  before  they  sided  with  THE  ORDER  during  the  FIRST  war,  they  were   THEN  UNEMPLOYED  living  in  LONDON  .  do  we  dare  believe  it’s  really  them?  oh,  i  have  so  many  memories  of  them  …   SIRIUS   was   CHARMING  &  LOYAL  ,  but  it’s  no  secret  that  they  were  also   RESENTFUL  &  RECKLESS  .  they  ought  to  be  careful  around  the  daily  prophet  reporters.  having  a  nice  cup  of  tea  with  them  again  makes  me  think  of    A  TENDENCY  TO  LOVE  SO  DEEPLY  IT  BURNS  FROM  THE  INSIDE  OUT  —  DESPERATE  AS  HE  IS  TO  BE  WANTED  AND  LOVED  IN  EQUAL  MEASURE  ,  RINGED  ;  MOON  PALE  FINGERS  CLUTCHING  HUNGRILY  TO  CIGARETTES  ,  HOME  IS  THE  FIRST  GRAVE  .  we  best  keep  an  eye  on  them.  someone  will  need  to  catch  them  up  on  all  that’s  been  happening  …  and  they  must  be  looking  forward  to  seeing    JAMES  POTTER    again.

full  name  .  sirius  orion  black.  nickname(s)  .  padfoot,  pads.  gender  .  cis  -  man.  pronouns  .  he  /  him.  age  .  thirty  six.  date  of  birth  .  3rd  november  1959.  distinctive  .  long,  black  hair,  a  body  covered  in  tattoos,  silver  eyes.  blood  status  .  pureblood.  hogwarts  house  .  gyffindor.  orientation  .  homosexual  .  heights  .  five  feet  and  nine  inches.  patronus  .  black  german  shepherd.  amortentia  .  dark  chocolate,  the  woods  after  a  rainstorm,  old  books,  leaves  in  the  autumn,  a  cup  of  tea  gone  cold.  boggart  .  walburga  black.  mbti  .  esfp.  alignment  .  chaotic  good. 

tw for mentions and allusions to abuse, starvation, suicidal ideation.

you  are  afraid,  you  are  always  afraid.  but  no  one  knows  it,  no  one  can  really  tell.  but  then  you  slip  away  in  the  darkness  of  night  and  turn  up  again  hours  later,  smelling  of  firewhiskey  and  of  the  damp  night.  or  you  hurt  your  closest  friends,  you  slam  your  fists  against  the  ground,  you  cut  up  your  bedsheets  and  tear  your  dormitory  about.  you're  an  angry  child,  one  who  can  be  soothed  only  by  the  soft  and  loving  hands  of  your  closest  friends.  what  else  is  there  to  live  for? 

you  leave  your  brother,  you  cannot  take  another  second  of  the  pain  —  you  know  how  it  feels  to  watch  your  mother  point  her  wand  at  you  and  tear  your  mind  apart  from  the  inside  out.  but  it  is  worth  it,  isn't  it?  at  least  regulus  has  gone  a  day  without  this  feeling  if  you  pull  the  attention  from  him  and  directly  onto  you.  when  did  the  resentment  start?  is  it  when  you  decided  that  james  potter  was  your  brother  in  truth?  was  it  when  he  was  sorted  into  slytherin?  or  did  you  just  want  someone  to  be  angry  with?

you  are  so  beautiful,  long  lashed  and  charming,  confident  despite  the  self  loathing  you  feel  between  the  lingering  aches  and  bruises.  it  takes  a  long  time  to  accept  that  it's  him  that  makes  your  heart  pound  —  not  the  countless  hers.  you  don't  want  to  think  on  it,  to  imagine  what  your  mother  will  do  when  you  add  another  reason  to  punish  you?  so  you  store  it  away,  you  blame  your  affections  on  the  fact  that  you  love  all  three  of  them  with  such  ardent  desperation,  that  you  cling  to  all  of  them,  not  just  the  tall  one,  the  scarred  one,  the  quietly  angry  one.

is  it  possible  you  worshipped  him?  that  a  piece  of  you  died  with  him  that  night  in  godric's  hollow?  you  threw  it  all  away  because  he  was  your  hero,  because  she  was  your  sunlight.  the  boy  should  have  been  wrapped  up  in  your  gentle  arms  like  you  promised  that  he  would  be  on  the  day  he  was  born  —  but  you  ran.  you  were  a  child  throwing  one  more  tantrum,  you  were  giving  yourself  over  to  the  dark,  because  how  can  you  take  this  pain?  how  can  you  be  expected  to  live  without  james  potter?

he  was  worth  the  risk,  the  starvation,  the  dementors  brushing  past  your  cell  unable  to  detect  the  form  of  the  thing  you  became  for  the  boy  you  had  loved  all  those  years  ago.  you  were  gone  into  the  night  and  you  finally  saw  him  again  —  and  he  looked  so  like  james,  you  were  momentarily  winded.  crazed,  destroyed,  shaky,  and  still  stuck  in  that  head  so  reckless,  so  angry.  your  grief  will  eat  you  alive  for  eternity.

the  veil  welcomes  you  home.  you  think  you  lived  a  whole  lot  longer  than  might  be  expected  from  the  likes  of  you.  a  hurt  child,  a  furious  man.  someone  taken  apart  and  put  back  together  again.  you're  tired,  and  a  piece  of  you  wanted  to  stay  there.

[cat-s0ul]

Prompt

TW: poisoning, morally grey reg, bamf reg, minor death of Walburga and Orion by a minor reg

What if 16 y.o Regulus Black to avoid taking the dark mark (because Blacks don’t bows to nobody thank you very much) runs a scheme for poisoning Walburga and Orion Black in some countryside mansion overseas during school period to avoid suspicion. But the killing happens so many months before he had calculated so he is still a minor who needs custody and the closest family member to look after him legally is Sirius (who is already of age).

Regulus isn't mad by the result of the deaths, that was the objective by the way, he is almost of age, only a few months and he is turning 17 so fighting for emancipation is not worthy and probably Sirius will look at the letter of notification and judge that he will be doing well with Kreacher at the end of the term.

Oh how wrong he was.

Sirius is mainly confused. That is a statement. On one side, it is a relief that Walby and absent Orion are gone and not treating the world with his nonsense bigotry anymore but how was that possible? They were the most paranoid people he met and according to the letter, there was no fighting just a weird heart attack for the old hag and the natural death of his father by his illness. And on another side, what the hell??? A custody notification informing him that he might be the new guardian of his brother whom he hasn't talked to properly in years less seeing him since he left Hogwarts. Sirius could ignore the situation and let his strangled llittle brother under the care of his beloved elf until he turns 17 and unlocks the Black fortune to do whatever he wants to but it's almost Yule and maybe his parents weren't the best and most affectionate people to pass the holidays but nobody deserves to be alone or worse with his crazy cousin.

Sirius was still off of himself when decides to contact the headmaster to arrange a meeting with Regulus knowing that his little brother would refuse to speak to him in Hogsmeade or anywhere to be honest except if he is called by a professor. James would make a joke about how artful he can be when wants to, Godric, Sirius wants to tell them about this mess. His friends definitely would know what to do with all this.

So there is him in the Slughorn’s office waiting for Regulus to arrive having no idea what to say. When he heard the door being opened, Sirius quit pacing to look at him.

Regulus somewhat got to be taller than him within the months without noticing each other. It's annoying. Sirius was about to say hello or something stupid before his brother cut him off with a slight scowl “Sirius.”

“Hey Reggie, long time without seeing you” Sirius tried to smile at him but the fast almost imperceptible incredulous look on the other boy's made him uncomfortable

“Why are you doing here? I was believed to meet Professor Sloughorn” How he managed to sound so boring within seconds was a mystery for the older brother. “Well, he is gone to talk to Dumbledore” Sirius shrugged. “Nonetheless some days ago, I got some impressive news I would say, not you?”

“Only you would say impressive news about the Father and Mother's deaths” Regulus huffed. “But that doesn't explain why you are here”

“Well, dear baby brother, besides that distinguished news, I got another letter which got my attention,” said, handling the custody notification. Regulus took it and opened it with a dull expression that quickly switched to an offensive one.

“No” he blurted out “I refuse to- I refuse to you being my guardian”

“Don't be too harsh” Sirius chuckled humourless “I would be worse or maybe not due to your acquaintances but your dear Bella is the other option”

Regulus shivered and Sirius put on a smug smile “Who would believe that Sirius Black is a better option for Little Reggie than Bellatrix, I hope that Mother is turning over his grave due to your reaction”

“Stop it,” Regulus uttered “I will be fine on my own”

“I don't think so” Sirius commented “You are turning 17 the next year and you will need money for your school supplies in the summer”

“That's rich of you to say,” Regulus remarked “You don't have the money nor a house since you left last year. I would rather live with the Lestranges than the Potters”

“That's not true or dear mommy don't tell you about the will of old Uncle Alphard” Sirius scowled at him “And the Potters are the best, but well, if you don't want to, we would live in the old Alphard’s flat”

“I have a home. You know it well enough 12 Grimmauld Place with Kreacher”

“Come on, Reggie. You don't like that house neither do I, I swear never put a foot there again”

“Your problem” Regulus shrugged “and I didn't agree with you having my custody. You are barely responsible enough and I would rather emancipate”

“I have never dreamed of it before”

Regulus snorted at that “Liar”

“Well it's not my fault that dear mommy and father are dead before you were of age”

“I am completely aware of that” Regulus grimaced Sirius contemplated his little brother for a while.

“What?” finally Sirius asked, “What do you mean?”

“Nothing” Regulus smirked. “And if you excuse me, I believe that I have prefect responsibilities to do”

“Wait-”

But before he would finish talking, Regulus was off of his sight. To be sincere, it could have been worse than this. There is still hope with Reg preferring him to Bellatrix. And if Regulus killed his parents, well, they deserved it.

[lovely-peace]

The Power of Orion and Walburga Black

The power of Orion and Walburga Black Part 1 (Sirius Black x Reader I am very sorry for my bad English!! English isn't my first language and this is my first fanfiction so I hope you can forgive my bad writing style :'))

The letter

Sirius Black was a difficult man. A person who you cannot tame. A free soul. His parents were never really phased by that. They still tried to make him the person they wanted him to be. But they always failed and he was proud of that.

Well, that's what he thought.

His parents were not shocked when he ran off. "Good", they thought, "now is that problem out the way. " But their pride was damaged even though they would never admit that. Their first born son just ran off to the Potters of all people.

Gryffindors. Even though Blacks were always in Slytherin.

They knew he would be trouble when he was sorted into Gryffindor.

" What will the people think of the noble house black?? The pureblood prodigy! The proud Slytherin estate! Lost their son to a muggle friend… To a Gryffindor…"

Tough times for such pride and stuck up human beings. But Sirius couldn't care less. He learned from his best friend James Potter to be proud of himself that he was in fact a Gryffindor. He hated his parents. He hated the place he was forced to call home for the first 11 years of his life. He hated the Black lifestyle. So he decided to go to the Potters. Because James was his light in the pitch Black atmosphere of the pressure which was on him.

The marauders. James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black. Four Gryffindors.

Some would call them troublemakers but for Sirius they were home. No pureblood idealogy, no pressure to be a heir. Just him and his friends doing silly pranks.

The letter arrived.

It was his birthday. He turned 17, was finally an adult. It was his 7th year in Hogwarts. He hadn't heard from his parents since he moved to the Potters and he was happy about it. Sirius got presents from his friends and from his new family. The day started so good.

But then the owls came.

The great hall was a magical place. The food was good and the four friends always fooled around. Well, Remus maybe not always but he had at least a smile on his face. But all that seemed like a dream to Sirius when he saw what was coming.

The black family owl.

At first he was sure it would fly to Regulus. With a letter in which it would remind him not to be like Sirius.

It came his way. To the Gryffindor table.

When the owl landed on his table he couldn't move. The owl spatted the letter in front of him and looked at him with big eyes. Like it was waiting. The conversation of his friends stopped. They didn't know what was going on. Sirius was frozen in his place. He didn't know what to think, what to do, hell he didn't even know how to breathe in that moment.

"What's wrong, Padfoot?" asked James. His hand was in his hair, like always when he was nervous. Peter took the letter and wanted to take a look at it, but the owl poked him before he could open it. It seemed to glare at him. "Ouch, what is wrong with this owl?!" he said. "It doesn't want anyone to open the letter except me. It was raised to bring letters only to the worthy ones. The Blacks. That's what my parents think." Sirius explained with a monotone voice. Remus looked at him with a confused look in his eyes. "Why aren't you opening it then? It's your birthday, it can't be that bad." Remus tried to reason with him.

But he didn't know what he was talking about. It will be bad.

Sirius was shaking when he opened the letter. This time the owl didn't move. The 3 friends of his waited. There was a tense atmosphere in the room.

Dear Sirius, Your mother and I decided it is finally the time you will be more than a nuisance to our family. You are a man now. As our first son, you have a duty to forfill. As your parents we decided you will be marrying (y/l/n y/n). The parents of her already agreed to the ceremony. It will be on her 17th birthday.

You can be relieved that anyone was willing to marry you, after all the shame you brought upon our family. We expect a heir from you two after you graduate from hogwarts.

AND DON'T THINK YOU CAN RUN FROM THIS LAST CHANCE TO PROVE YOURSELF TO US.

You will meet her on Christmas. YOU WILL COME HOME FOR THIS OCCASION.

Sirius didn't even realize he was holding his breath until he breathed again. His friends were all waiting for him to explain what was written in the letter. But Sirius was to shocked to say anything. He was angry. So, so angry that he didn't have any control over his own life. His parents still had this influence on his life even though he left them behind. He was still just a Black. Nothing more to anyone else except for his friends. Nothing more to his future wife. Why would she agree to marry him, when she didn't even know him, if it weren't for him being a Black?

So he made a promise to himself. He wouldn't make it that easy for his family.

Little did he know…

… That y/n received a similar letter to his across the great hall. Her parents hadn't talked to her about any marriage. She had no problem with marrying Sirius Black. She had a problem with being arranged to marry him, just for money and a pureblood heir.

She always liked him. Since year 1 when he picked up her stuff and smiled at her after she let them fall.

But she didn't believe her parents knew or cared about that. And that frustrated her. She always wanted to talk to Sirius. But now she wasn't sure what to do. She was sad that they won't be able to be a normal couple. That he will never see her as a normal human being.

Only as an example of the power his parents had over him.

[impishtubist]

Harry and Sirius prompt:

Harry after getting beaten by dursleys....apparates to grimmauld ...when walburga is still alive...(so Harry is 3-5yrs old?)

What will happen?

Obv she is lonely ...and her "mother is best" attitude will help Harry and Sirius?

What do you think?

Can Harry worm his way to her broken heart??

Will she help sirius out of azkaban just so he can pass Harry's guardianship to her??

So I'm actually reading a fic similar to this right now, where Walburga gets Sirius out of Azkaban and then Sirius kidnaps Harry: Toujours. Walburga isn't happy about it, but a magical child being left with abusive Muggles is more offensive to her than Harry being a half-blood. I like this author's take on it.

I actually don't like Wally, don't care about her, don't care for stories about her, etc., so this isn't a scenario I think of often. I do like the idea of her being cunning and manipulative, and she only wants Sirius out of Azkaban so she can get her hands on Harry.....that's a very interesting take. But she's an abuser who at least emotionally abused Sirius, so no, I don't think there's anything that can redeem her from that and I don't really care about her broken heart, lol.