#wait I’m gonna freak out
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guysss I’m literally going to college for the first time in like 9 days I’m so scared 😭😭 sunny independent era is RAPIDLY approaching
#I’m literally only gonna be like an hour away from home but still 🥺 scawy.#i haven’t been freaked out ab the actual leaving home part this whole time#until like two days ago when I was like. wait a minute. move in is in 11 days.#oh FUC-#so uhhh. now we’re officially in ‘it finally feels real’ mode and I am having many emotionsssss#primarily consisting of just ‘aaaaaaaaaa’
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I haven’t even read the epilogue yet, but apparently the last few chapters of Ascendance of a Bookworm Part 4 Volume 3 was written solely to make me ugly cry for an hour. (Spoilers ahead)
That goodbye was brutal. I cannot. I am so upset about this. I was upset waaaay back in the beginning for being denied my rightful Gunther and Myne father and daughter ADORABLENESS! When she unthinkingly reached out to him after the Hasse execution and he gave her his coat? I was a puddle of tears y’all 😭 😭
And now? This last tie being severed and those two years being lost is just too cruel. I’m sure later I’ll squeal over how cute it was for Ferdinand to praise her like that (b/c omg it was SO cute!), but right now all I can think about is how tragic and sad it must have been for him. How unexpectedly happy he must have been to receive such praise, that would only come once a year. How utterly alone he must have felt sometimes…
Right so I’m back to crying. This book is more than kicking me in the feelings. I got hit with a 20 hit combo and am down for the count.
#I’m so sad#lutz was a real one from day one#still is I love him#gonna miss her throwing herself at him for hugs#also Justus please throw Ferdinand under the bus more#omg I can’t believe he showed such emotion#poor Myne#not going to lie I was on the edge of my seat thinking she was going to teach him the proper way to praise someone right then and there!#that would have been something huh?#can’t wait for that to happen#hopefully it happens#Luuuuutz!#Gunther Effa and Tuuli#even Kamil#love y’all forever you will be missed 😭#ascendance of a bookworm#ascendance of a bookworm spoilers#for everything up until#ascendance of a bookworm p.4 v.3#my library doesn’t have part 5 and I’m freaking out a little#help a girl out if you know of a library that has it!
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Wolves and Rabbits - Part One
Legend meets Wolfie for the first time(s). It doesn’t go well.
[this was getting too long for one post so i’ve decided to split it into multiple parts]
The atmosphere around the fire was warm and friendly. Though the Chain, as they’d jokingly dubbed themselves, hadn’t been traveling together long, conversation flowed freely and laughter brightened the air.
Legend and Warriors, as they were now called, sat together on one side of the fire, engaged in one of their now-familiar verbal spars. It hadn’t taken long when they met for the two of them to start bickering, picking each other apart with their words and sharp tongues. Now, though, it was (mostly) in good fun; a way for them to destress and rid themselves of excess energy without coming to physical blows.
“No, no, you really thought-” Legend cut himself off to stifle the laughter bubbling out of his throat. “There’s no way you actually-”
“Okay, when you put it like that, I suppose I can see where I may- may! have gone wrong,” Warriors admitted. He shot the Veteran a glare, but everyone could tell there was no heat to it.
He was about to say more when there was a cry of “Wolfie!” He turned to watch as Wild bounded over to greet the wolf as he padded into camp. Wolfie yipped in greeting, nuzzling Wild before moving to say hello to the rest of the heroes around the fire. Legend made no move to join them.
“Oh! That’s right, you haven’t met Wolfie, yet, have you? No need to worry, he’s a big sof-” Wars turned to see Legend frozen, eyes wide and trained directly on Wolfie. “...Vet?”
There was no answer.
The unexpected lack of response had the others looking over, confused expressions quickly morphing to worry at the continuing silence. Wolfie made a questioning noise, gingerly stepping closer to see what was the matter.
Legend was rigid, face rapidly paling as he tracked Wolfie’s every move. Warriors noticed with a start the other didn’t even seem to be breathing. His hands were clenched so hard on the log his knuckles were white. This close, Wars could hear his pulse, hammering rabbit-quick. Legend still didn’t move.
Wolfie whined, taking another hesitant step forward. Legend’s hands twitched, an aborted attempt at fight-or-flight, but otherwise there was no outward reaction. Wolfie stopped, his ears going flat. He lowered himself to the ground, making himself smaller, less threatening. It didn’t seem to help.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Time’s voice cut through the uneasy silence, quiet though it was. “Wolfie, I think it’s best if you leave for now.” The wolf whined again but slowly began to back away. Legend watched as he disappeared into the bushes but still didn’t relax.
It wasn’t until several long minutes passed that he finally took a shuddering breath, shoulders dropping minutely as he unclenched his hands from their tight fists. Warriors noted the bright crescent marks from where his nails had bitten into them.
“...Legend? Are you- are you okay?” came the Traveler’s hesitant voice.
Their resident Veteran seemed to snap back to himself, shoulders going taut again. He pushed himself to his feet, turning sharply away from the fire - and away from everyone’s staring eyes - and started towards where they’d left their packs.
“Legend-”
“It’s fine. I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about,” He snapped, voice tight.
They didn’t bring it up again after that.
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#moth’s tales#fanfiction#linked universe#lu legend#lu wolfie#linked universe fanfiction#legend is suddenly confronted with a physical manifestation of his trauma and promptly freaks the fuck out#legend’s fear of large dogs + trauma + experiences as a rabbit combined#did i mention his fear of knights + being chased#altogether they make one of the worst weeks of his fucking life#which for legend is saying A Lot#wait i also forgot#lu warriors#lu the chain#wolves and rabbits#i’m just gonna be copying + pasting these tags for the whole thing lmao
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the best is when you watch a film for the billionth time and can STILL notice something new
#watched To Be Or Not To Be (1942) for the sixth?? seventh?? time tonight and noticed an INCREDIBLE reaction i hadn’t seen before#i am at peace 😌😌#i was feeling kinda freaked out and needed to watch something that wasn’t gonna make it worse#i also REALLY needed to rewatch it for… well… several reasons#but particularly one which will become clear in the coming weeks#(though i got a lot more out of it already - looking forward to my future rewatch when i’m done)#and i finally realized what i needed to do about [redacted]#the solution was so clear and simple! can’t believe i didn’t think of it before#now i just have to take my pick!#great stuff great stuff#really truly cannot WAIT to subject you all to this fic#it’s still very much In Progress - but the parts that are done are just…. 👌🏻👌🏻 *SO* good
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You know back when the AU was a comic, I was able to gloss over so much of the politics of Mewni Creek I was not well equipped to handle and focus instead on the relationships and bonds that were important to the story going forward and explain the new governmental system of this combined world after it had been established and the masses calmed long down.
But now? Now that it’s a fic? Now that I have to essentially re-start the Ovelia establishment and better flesh out her blossoming friendships and connections to the main cast?
I’ve really gotta buckle down and write the politics and post-Cleaved chaos don’t I.
Man…
#septarsis dragonfly au#I love what the world of Mewni Creek EVENTUALLY becomes#but before now I had never ironed out HOW it got there#but now?#I gotta strap in and write this.#Toffee my beloved you’re gonna have to wait a little bit longer still :(#don’t worry I’ll get to you :(#making Mewni Creek a democracy in progress actively dismantling monarchical systems in place for hundreds of years#equally distributing land. rebuilding. prioritizing monsters in the new system and treating them as equals for the first time#granting equity to the oppressed and calming the masses#especially the MEWMANS#guys the humans are fine Echo Creek is used to weirdness they’re chill#they’re freaked out for a bit but they settle they’re used to weirdness bc of the Dragonflies (thank Great Grandma Deja for that)#the Mewmans are the actual issue#but all that needs to be long set in stone/actively being worked on for Toffee’s character arc to work as intended#he has to be put in a new world of peace and positive progress#the world Mylanie always wanted to see#for that arc to work#I promise Ovelia establishment also sets the ground for Toffee’s healing arc#Im very serious when I say that Toffee as I have studied for seven years would struggle to embrace real positive growth#while the main issues in Mewni are still ongoing#he’d be focused on that like he has for hundreds of years instead of himself#and he NEEDS and that arc#also uh is it too soon to say that even though I’m gonna be putting so much effort into this new government…#… it really does not last as long as they wanted#due to#a certain individual down the line#who wants to abuse monarchical power for their own sick twisted goals#GOD I’m so excited for the antagonist of the AU to develop#ok I reached my tag limit :’)
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ughhh I need to talk to my parents about starting hrt but I just can’t
#vic. what?#like I *could* wait til I move out#but their insurance plan covers it#and I can’t keep living like this#but every time I get the chance I freak out#and can’t actually do it#like I’ve basically planned what I want to say#but I can’t say it#and they’re already not accepting of me#but I’m gonna give them the ultimatum#because I can’t spend the rest of my life having to be someone I’m not whenever I see them#ughhhhh#and I don’t want things to get worse#because I don’t have anywhere else to go
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getting a whistledown sweatshirt for my birthday 🙂↕️
#feels extra fitting since i’m turning 20 and pen’s 20 for most of s3#also getting a steam gift card bc the price on veilguard freaks me out#$40+ for a game? it better be a damn good game#anyways. god knows i waited 8 years for this game so i’m gonna get it on release day#rambling
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NO ONE MOVE DNDADS LIVE TOUR IS COMING TO MY CITY ILL UPDATE IF I CAN SECURE TICKETS
#dndads#more of moth#i’m actually like freaking out#in a good way#four years of a special interest finally going to pay off oh my god#have to wait until thursday cause i’m not on the patterns#PLUS i’m gonna be on the road for most of the day so i won’t even be able to try and buy the tickets until the afternoon
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 god I love these dumb men so much
Via marcelacastelli on twitter
Miles walking up to the mic and Alex like during the TLSP times 😭
The first time in 5 years that these two Grace a stage with their shared presence 🥹 but also how grown up and different they both look while still seeming like the exact same lovesick puppies that met all the way back in 2003
AND JUST YESTERDAY MILES’ GUITARIST POSTED THAT 505 WAS THEIR BAT/TURTEL SIGNAL AND TODAY THEYVARE PLAYING TIGETHER AHHHH sorry I gave up trying with grammar
When we got the info that Miles was present at the stadium I was already freaking out but this this is so much better (I felt like we were playing little illusion machine with ourselves)
Also we got confirmation that they hugged in the beginning and ended it with a kiss on the cheek by Miles
I saw somewhere during 17.06 when the yellow poster got published that someone was being delusional like yellow that’s the color of TLSP who’s in TLSP right Alex And Miles so so conclusion Miles is gonna be there, I mean it was a day too soon but still… being delusional paying off 🤣
Wearing brown leather jacket I love my guys but also please tell me he just quickly popped round to the store after the show for some booze or new cigs while they were celebrating together and didn’t just leave after the gig cause I couldn’t handle that
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How Miles keeps looking at Alex and Alex keeps pointing at Miles and Alex stimming at the end and Alex’s full scrunchy face smile when Miles walks up to him and Miles smirk and the mic and and and I’m unter rot irrevocably besotted, how Miles just seamlessly fits in with the boys
But also I’m really hoping for a video where we can see the cheek kiss that apparently happens after the lights went down
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With full introduction
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I love that we know Miles and Al +monkeys had a very long night cause he posted at around midnight to his story and then nothing for fourteen hours till around 2 pm when the next 505 clips came 🥃 🍸 🍻
Clip of Miles with Chef Tom Brown and Jay Forrester and other friends during Cornerstone, Miles singing along 🥹 (Tom’s restaurant name) god he seems so happy, Tom Farrell was there as well but on the other stadium side (he posted a story of two lads getting into a boxing match during do I wanna know😂) Miles’ manager rosie_skinner was also present, and I love how Miles didn’t just watch from the wings but enjoyed the concert with his friends from the seats (I’m imagining this is how he invited them: “you wanna go out tonight?” “Sure what did you have in mind?” “Wanna come watch me and my husband play our song in Emirates stadium?”) and he probably was given a setlist beforehand or some roadie was ordered to fetch him a few songs ahead to come backstage where his already tuned guitar was and then Miles was ready to go only waiting for Alex to call him onstage
505 Via cat_mason
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Somewhat able to see the crowd jumping In the Video
Also just me or does it seem like Miles got a fresh haircut :)
My day literally consisted of watching that HUG over and over again from every possible angle, I love them and their dramatic hugs like they haven’t seen each other barely two weeks ago that we are aware of, but really I need to receive a hug like that one that’s just I missed you and I’m gonna squeeze all my love into you right now, the kisses 🥹🥹 Miles just casually kissing Al’s neck and his cheek and nuzzling his neck again 🫶🏽 and Alex cradling his head I can’t
Via Miles insta how Alex literally tilts Miles head so he can have better access for the neck kiss and how his hand digs into Miles’ shoulder he literally clings onto him for dear life and tries to ground himself and find the strength for the remaining concert in that hug 🫠
A view at 505 from the wings and a quick Miles and Cookie hug and forehead kiss (also thank you Miles for that prime few of Jamie’s arse 🤣🫶🏽)
Miles’ evening summarized #coming on stage #slaying the guitar parts #kissing half the monkeys 💅 #leaving
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#I love how we are all losing our collective shit right now adore you all <3#the lucky bastards that got tickets#I can’t wait for all the videos#I know exactly wait I’ll be doing tomorrow#watching every single clip I can find#I’m so far away from okay#Nono those aren’t tears that’s just sweat#I’m literally buzzing out of my skin with uncontained engery#we’re all just overwhelmed and running around like headless chickens#freaking out in a really cool way#I’m so scared for Glastonbury now#cause if miles isn’t there the fandom will commit ritual suicide#looking at what’s happening currently that’s literally gonna happen#please just let them be practicing#in case you haven’t noticed I have too many thoughts on this#but also how hot can Miles possibly look#I cannot cope right now#serotonin overload#really curious what Louise is gonna post about this night 🤣#refresh every few seconds to not miss anything#this is even better than the Scott Walker concert#but also scared shitless cause so many people said that Alex lost his voice a few times#baby doll please take a break and drink enough tea#gonna seek comfort in cozy blankets and movies now#also why does it look like Miles got a fresh fade just for the show :)#manifestation working wonders :)#Youtube#I made so many strange noises#none of the girlfriends posted anything while Miles’s friends are popping off on IG#London night 3; 18/06/2023
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Two things that are true at once:
I am not nearly as mentally ill as I’ve convinced myself I am
I am far sicker than I’ve convinced my friends that I am
#:(#my friend and I were talking about post grad plans and we were talking about how our friend is gonna move in w them + their partner#and eventually we got onto how I’m not confident on my ability to pay rent on place by myself#and then they were like omg wait we were actually just looking at a place w 3 bedrooms and thinking about who else we would want to live w#and I literally brushed them off by saying ‘oh no I’m a nightmare to live with’ and they were like no omg it would be so great!!!!!!#it would not be great. and I am hoping whatever these plans are fall through so I don’t have to say anything about it#because I cannot have roommates. my friends have only encountered my ptsd twice and I managed it well enough that I’m pretty sure#no one noticed. but it’s because the vast majority of my triggers are domestic. when I sleep over my moms house I sleep in a bedroom#all the way down the hall away from everything because I cannot hear people’s footsteps by my door or I freak the fuck out#and just the idea of people drinking or doing drugs in a place I live makes me feel like I’m gonna throw up#I’ve tried living in a single dorm before and that was bad enough that I had to move off of campus my sophomore year#I just really really really don’t want to be serious and tell them I can’t#because I know it would be unfair to all of us#I hate that I view myself as a punishment for other people but I know it’s because it is. I would be that crazy roommate that’s brought up#for years afterwards. and it sucks because I like this people even if I know not to trust them#it’s also now a pattern that when I bring something up about me not being normal people think it’s a joke. which maybe it’s my fault#I really need to go back to therapy but do not have the bandwidth to go over the incest thing with a new person right now
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The weird feeling when my favorite cashier is at work at the local grocery store and she’s happy to see me but goes “hello young lady, good to see you, it’s been a while” and I have to stand there like 🧍🏻 hi yes u too
Because I don’t wanna out myself to a stranger (or the seven in the line behind me) and make it a Big Thing and she doesn’t know me and I know what I look and sound like but. but. BUT. Young lady? Really?
[insert WFA Bruce lying on the floor here]
#siiiiiigh#can’t wait for that voice drop and beard growth#I’m gonna freak some people out (in a good way I hope)#misha rants#it’s not even transphobia she was just trying to make small talk and be nice but#well I can’t just introduce myself just because we banter and have fun like once a week#although that IS more than I see my actual friends lol
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“Thank you for your patience and grace with this situation!” It’s not like I have a fucking choice after paying you fucks a few thousand dollars to live here fulltime.
#ra speaks#personal#the bathroom sinks will be out for two days -> I can cope. brush teeth in shower method. hand sanitizer provided is gross but no sweat.#haha actually the showers on your floor specifically will also be closed at 8 AM tomorrow until sometime Wednesday -> I am shooting lasers#I’m autistic you can’t do this to me I have to reorganize my routine I’m a morning shower-er#ok ok let me think through my routine#workout tomorrow morning -> shower AND bush teeth before 8 AM. pog can do.#in the afternoon….when I like to do another shower just to rinse off the Outside….#maybe I’ll be brave enough to go to the gender neutral showers upstairs but#it’s more likely I’ll just wait until the next morning and use them then bc then NO ONE should be up/etc.#and I won’t workout early that morning bc it’s stretch day and I can do that before bed#WAIT FUCK ITS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE MID 80s TOMORROW ARE YOU SHITTING ME#HOTTEST DAY OF THE WEEK FREAK TEMPS BEFORE PLUNGING BACK TO THE 40s AND THE FUCKIN SHOWERS GONNA BE OUT#FOR MY AFTERNOON COLD SHOWER???? KILLING YOU WITH A ROCK#I am. coping. like. an. adult. goodnight.
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That moment when the Autism is Autisming instead of just being an excuse
#vent ramble#my sister has to go to the hospital (I think she’s just experiencing the level of pain I do everyday) and our Mario party plans got canceled#:(((((((#change in plans is really hard for me#especially since I was using that as motivation for a shower :/#at the most she’s hurt and she kinda gets hurt all the time#plus she was rude to me last night about my chronic pain#so… not in the mood to care#i CARE but my energy is being zapped out of me and I know you’re fine#i just…I can’t be a perfect human#i should insist to go to the ER with her cus I think her bf is gonna wait in the car😒#but..my autism is already bad and waiting and hospital rooms make it worse#I’m just freaking out honestly like#fuck#i have no life no friends No anything#so much so that I have to beg my family to play a virtual board game with me#and then I’m so stupid and fucking broken that I completely fall apart when things don’t go my way#nobody hates me more than me I just#F U C K#I’m tired#I’m just#ugh I can’t fucking think I just hate myself and existing so much I literally have no worth
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I can’t tell whether or not this show has a lot of foreshadowing or they made really amazing plot lines out of callbacks or if most of this is coincidence
#SPOILERS FOR BOJACK HORSEMAN#bojack drowning in the pool and Diane is freaking out in the intro#mr peanutbutter kissing bojack bc it kissed Diane and that makes them even bc they had the same experience#the memory of bojack sitting alone after soccer waiting for his mom to pick him up when he was high off his ass in season 1#“i stepped on a needle and I think I’m addicted to heroine so that’s gonna be a whole thing now”#and just so many more things
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Thinking about Odin and Loki again bc when am I not. A list of songs that make me want to wail about them in no particular order and with little to no explanation:
Allies or Enemies - the Crane Wives (Regret ™️)
Liar - the Arcadian Wild (let’s be real both of them)
Wander Wonder - the Arcadian Wild (Odin)
Tongues & Teeth - the Crane Wives (Loki)
King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men (what they both think Could Have Been)
Bad Blood - Bastille (yeah.)
Just One Yesterday - Fall Out Boy (yeag)
Icarus - the Crane Wives (listen the singer is calling to their brother cmon. Cmon.)
Francesca - Hozier (me, making romantic songs about platonic relationships again? Ahaha no *runs*)
#my fall break ended yesterday so last night I had to go back to school after hanging out with my brother all weekend and augh#I promise we have a normal sibling relationship but I was crying to myself driving back to school and I was like “damn blorbos got hands”#he graduates this spring so I was like oh fuck oh god I have a finite amount of time with you left before you get a partner#and they become your world and I get left behind#and I can’t tell if that’s Loki @ Odin or Odin @ Loki but either way I think after the tree incident#Odin is intensely aware that he’s gonna lose Loki one day and Loki has to cope with the fact they lost him once already#bc in my headcanon loki knows the plan but goes to check up on Odin anyway bc they’re worried and find him dead and freaks + cuts him down#and I don’t think they tell Odin about this or at least not the mental breakdown they had while waiting for him to start breathing again#but I think that’s the beginning of the end bc they’re both Aware this Will End#whos to say they don’t start hurting each other on purpose to soften the blow when it eventually comes but it only makes it worse#anyway I’m normal how are you guys this evening#loki#odin#Norse mythology
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.
#man I feel fucking horrible right bow#I think something’s really really wrong I don’t think I’m gonna be okay right now#something’s really wrong and I’m really fucking freaked out about it#I don’t think this is normal ptsd stuff I think something happened this year and I’m not okay#I think something’s not gonna be okay for a while I think something’s genuinely truly off#man I got work in two days I can’t be doing this right now#something’s been off for days but it’s feeling pretty fucking bad right now#I feel like I can’t ask anyone for help cause it’s too late at night and I’ve bothered so many people about the nightmares already#I really want someone to tuck me in or someone to tuck under my arm#it’s so fucking weird it’s like I’ve been protecting people or being protected for that whole month#always having my hand held or holding someone else’s#and it’s fucking freaking me out because there’s no one crying or dying anymore but I’m just like waiting for it to happen#I’m just sitting there like ‘Jesus Christ someone I love is really scared or grieving right now and I have to help’#but there’s no one actually doing that#and then I feel like I wanna be comforted like on the first scree field or something but I’m just laying in bed totally safe#and none of those people are here anymore so like who’s gonna pull my head under their chin or whatever#man I fucking can’t handle it. like last year’s ceremony fucked me up but it’s really this one that got me I think#like at least wrangler ceremony you know you’re safe and the worst that could happen is passing out from exhaustion#like the emphasis was still on breaking your mental barriers not your physical ones even though some of the work is hard#but for some fucking reason even though moose was only one fucking day it was worse#because the whole time we were in actual mortal danger and it was really fucking scary#fuck that shit. I’m never doing this again at least
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