#i have no life no friends No anything
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That moment when the Autism is Autisming instead of just being an excuse
#vent ramble#my sister has to go to the hospital (I think she’s just experiencing the level of pain I do everyday) and our Mario party plans got canceled#:(((((((#change in plans is really hard for me#especially since I was using that as motivation for a shower :/#at the most she’s hurt and she kinda gets hurt all the time#plus she was rude to me last night about my chronic pain#so… not in the mood to care#i CARE but my energy is being zapped out of me and I know you’re fine#i just…I can’t be a perfect human#i should insist to go to the ER with her cus I think her bf is gonna wait in the car😒#but..my autism is already bad and waiting and hospital rooms make it worse#I’m just freaking out honestly like#fuck#i have no life no friends No anything#so much so that I have to beg my family to play a virtual board game with me#and then I’m so stupid and fucking broken that I completely fall apart when things don’t go my way#nobody hates me more than me I just#F U C K#I’m tired#I’m just#ugh I can’t fucking think I just hate myself and existing so much I literally have no worth
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I have nothing more to say.
(Мне больше нечего сказать.)
#transformers#transformers animated#transformers one#transformers prime#transformers robots in disguise#robots in disguise 2015#bumblebee#b 127#tfp bumblebee#tf one bumblebee#tf one b 127#rid bumblebee#tfa bumblebee#I'm lying. I have something to say.#b 127 will be glad to have more friends#tfa Bumblebee will chat with B 127 about the Earth and its delights of life and of course about video games#tfp Bumblebee will keep an eye on his two younger versions so that they don't do anything but he will also be a participant in the fun.#rid Bumblebee definitely need patience because of the antics of their younger versions
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despite Laios low self esteem making him think that if he’d been eaten, Chilchuck and Marcille wouldn’t have helped Falin,
theres a small part of me that thinks the reason Chilchuck stayed with the party and went back in the dungeon in the first place was because he didn’t want to leave Laios alone. That Laios was moreso the reason he stayed.
#dungeon meshi#chilaios#OK SORRY. THE DEMONS. I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO LIKE THIS PAIRING. I DIDNT. BUT. HHH. FHFHJFJV. I FEEL CRAZY. LET ME EXPLAIN.#Pre canon it seems Laios is the person Chilchuck is really the closest to#He gets along with Namari and they are probably way better as buddies than he and Laios but#He and Laios seem *closer*#If that makes sense#Laios calls him his first name enough and without any issue or hesitation from Chilchuck#That I sort of inagine its not like. A misunderstanding. Laios is on a first name basis with him for a reason.#He also worries probably more than anyone about Laios#And his biggest criticism of him is that hes “reckless”#he’s comfortable around Laios in a very specific way and so is Laios around him#and in the series he shows many times that he’ll risk his life to protect Laios#Like staying with him to confront the elves because he was worried Laios would say something stupid#Hes the first one to run up to him when Falin punches him#I mean I think he was also going back for Falin like its not like I think he doesn’t care about her or anything#He clearly does#But I don’t know if he’d have gone back if Laios hadn’t#And if Laios had been eaten I think he wouldn’t have even had to be convinced by Falin#I also think Marcille would’ve gone back for him but probably more bc Falin was going back#Like sort of a reversed thing#AGAIN not that I don’t think she cared about Laios at the beginning either#But she before the story she was mostly Falin’s friend who knew Laios through Falin#She only really got to know him when Falin got eaten and they had to do a team building exercise#Though now I sort of want to see an actually reversed scenario#Bc we also know that Chilchuck is sort of uncomfortable around Falin (said in relationship chart)#So I would love to see them be forced into a team building exercise to find a person they both love the way Laios and Marcille were
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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So much of Garak as a person starts to make sense once you know his childhood was a fucking gothic novel. His main playground was a graveyard and he'd play pretend by perfoming improv eulogies to an imagined audience. For a long time his main touchstone for most important figures from recent history is 'oh yeah I know about that guy my dad buried him. great flower arrangements for that one'. He finds out later his 'parents' are actually a brother and sister who had to get married to avoid the utter shame and social devastation of having a child born out of wedlock, and they live in the basement of his biological father's house. (the madwoman in the attic vs. the tiny elim in the basement.) His biological father calls himself his uncle and locks him in a closet whenever he fails to live up to his insane and unpredictable expectations and everyone just has to act like that's normal and expected, and his will hangs over everything at all times, unseen but always felt keener than anything else. The father who actually raised him grows the world's most beautiful (and as it turns out, most poisonous) orchids and keeps the mask of a god hidden in a box in his work shed. Everyone in the house is choking down secrets like it's the only air they know how to breathe anymore.
What I'm saying is that right from the get-go this guy never had the faintest shot at turning out normal, so I'm glad that by middle age he's found a way to get a bit silly with it as he continues to be deeply deeply not normal about anything ever <3
#guess who's reading a stitch in time!#star trek ds9#elim garak#a stitch in time#star trek#ds9#I will make a monster post of asit thoughts eventually but just. jesus christ!!! what a start in life lmao#tolan and tain seem to have been... well not exactly friends probably but to have had some connection beforehand#did tain know him or mila first??? how was mila and tolan's sibling status presumably not known publicly?#at what point during all of that did tain start to have sex with tolan's sister. the more you think about it the more fucked it gets lol#under the circumstances... shoutout to tolan and mila for not leaving him somehow even more fucked up interpersonally than he is#and no thanks to tain for anything ever I hate him so much
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Me: hm, I want something to put on the TV as background noise... Huh. Looks like YouTube is recommending something called The Last Unicorn. That's perfect, it's probably some old shitty animation that has aged poorly! I can watch it ironically!
Me, 2 hours later as the credits roll: *crying, cheering, buying the book, composing the songs*
Me, 2 weeks later: So I have compiled all of the quotes from the book that I think could make good tattoos, and also, HOW HAVE I NEVER LEARNED ABOUT HOW THE LAST UNICORN FUCKING SLAPS??? This gay-ass little fairytale fed my soul! Watered my crops! Transed my gender! Can't believe I heard of this story from youtube recommendations, of all places!!
#original#the last unicorn#tlu#peter s beagle#molly gru#schmendrick#schmendrick the magician#two of my favorite characters in anything right there in the center of the story! and I'm glad I saw the film first!#my reading ability has diminished due to trauma disability etc. but it seems like having a visual reference actually really helped!#no wonder i only ever want to read fan fic! turns out reading is not actually Superior to other types of Storytelling. it's just different.#to say otherwise is snobbishness I have been eminently guilty of in my life!#but like it is easier for me to consume tv and movies and that is fine actually. also that's why I'm doing a graphic novel lol#because i wanted to make something i would actually be able to read if i found it at a library. altho the audio book IS gonna be bomb#the audiobook is for visually impaired readers and anyone who wants or needs it! accessible stories for everyone! yeah!!#my gender was already transed but now I've gained an ADDITIONAL gender! which one? I'll never tell 😘#i am so powerful i have so much fuckin gender. my wife has no gender. and she is equally as powerful.#and also she has STUDIED THE BLADE#mostly zoro's blades from One Piece#normally YouTube recommends me shit movies like idiocracy or smth this is like if every day ur cat brought you a piece of rotten food and#then one day it brings you a BEAUTIFULLY ANIMATED TALE FEATURING MY BELOVED TWINK FUCK-UP WIZARD FRIEND AND MY ALL-TIME HOMEGIRL MOLLY GRU#and also it's soft and beautiful and funny and fucking weird!! i wrote melodies to the songs in the books on my ukulele
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Dealing with Trauma while being King Dedede
Bonus:
Dealing with Trauma while being Taranza
#kirby#kots#kirby of the stars#kirby fanart#taranza#king dedede#meta knight#elfilin#gooey kirby#dark matter kirby#meta knight can be counted as part of dedede's trauma for comedic effect#not every trauma he has is about being possessed guys#it's just unfortunate coincidental that most of it is#he isn't resentful of anyone really#but imagine having a deep seeded fear by trauma of insects and this fucker you call your friend is like 'thank god im a spider'#and you just have to deal with the technicalities#dedede lives such a sick and twisted life#originally taranza said 'beforehand i'd like to apologixe' but i thought it was overkilled#meta knight is not aware he's part of the problem#im sorry for not coloring anything this wont change
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Red is a good color
#I havent drawn anything other than work stuff for a while#nice to be able to sketch something#yes this is a sketch for me okay. I just added FX on top so it feels more not sketchy#anyway. I love steve#read my comic#its called time and time again#I'm so tired#life stuff has been rough#I'll be back#bye#time and time again#steve#hes hot. this was by request from a friend#sort of. I mean it was. she was joking but then I did it anyways#cause#I mean#look at him...#anyways yeah I have to get more comic stuff done#so that I can catch up to be able to thumbnail the rest of the series#and then also so I can get going on the book again...#aaaaa. and I have commissions#I'm fucked HAHAHAHAHAH#anyways. 2 hours on this is fine#this is fine#LMGJSALGKSAJGLDKAJGLKASG#ok bye actually
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I know it's not how you rationalize it to yourself, but your posts about Israel/palestine come off as a support of the destruction of Gaza and ethnic cleansing of Palestinians. Insisting that it's a war (Palestine isn't allowed to have an army, and Israel cannot claim self-defence against a territory they occupy), denying that Israel is at fault, obscuring support of Palestine in general as being motivated by antisemitism - it paints a picture.
At least 30 000, probably closer to 100 000 Palestinians have been killed as of now. That is so monumentally worse than anything currently happening to Israel / zionists. So when you spend most of your energy focusing on those wrongs, or insisting that people talking about Palestine should focus on them, it comes off as brushing it off or trying to diminish its importance.
You don't have to answer, as I'll be blocking you, but I'm asking you to please consider what you're willing to support, excuse or tone down, and why. I know what it's like to be too focused on the discrimination we're facing to really take in what other groups might be going through.
hey anon, that's some great useful idiot syndrome you got there. how much college debt did you go into to earn it?
#i don’t want to find out anything about what’s going on from anyone who actually knows!#i just want to dump my thinly veiled antisemitic bias disguised as antizionism and then block you because i can’t handle your answers!#< thats what u sound like anon#that’s what ur giving rn#and if i’m reading the ‘we’ right and you are a jew….#you can still be antisemitic#the bias isn’t called unconscious for nothing my friend#and i have considered what i’m ‘willing to support’#i’ve considered it my whole life and i considered it in bomb shelters too#so chew on that!#and stop harassing jews & israelis!#jumblr#antisemitism#check your biases at the door#leftist antisemitism#leftist hypocrisy#i/p conflict#israel hamas war#anti zionisim#answered hate
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Imagine this takes place at the end of step 2 so they're close enough to joke around with each other lol
(Fake screenshots! These are fan made based on incorrect quotes and not in the game)
#our life 2#our life now and forever#olnf#olnf qiu#olnf tamarack#our life tamarack#tamarack baumann#our life qiu#qiu lin#our life mc#step 2#mc annabeth#mc beck#incorrect quotes#fan made#fan edit#i took some liberties with the incorrect quote#i imagine this takes place probably the winter after step 2 and beck is helping them study for midterms#she's happy to help since this is probably the only subject she can confidently tutor in#qiu is likely just taking it for the easy grade since their best friend is fluent while tam is genuinely trying to learn for her future gf#if tam confessed or said anything sweet in spanish that beck didn't teach her she would simply explode with joy#my sweet girl <3#also if there's any problems with the spanish please lmk i am not at all fluent and will fix it immediately!#and I'm going to headcanon that tama's ribbon is cranberry so my girls can have accessories in each other's hair colors <3#silly kids in love that don't know it yet <3333
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I just realized some people are confused about events in the alluded to past in Mouthwashing, particularly about how long the crew has been working together.
The only person who is truly new is Daisuke and it’s why his dynamic with the crew and role in the story is very unique and somewhat distant. Curly didn’t just get Jimmy this job on the Tulpar, he got him the job with the Pony Express. He’s been his copilot for probably a couple of years but still not as long as they’ve been friends. None of them are new with the freight industry, Anya and Swansea especially have been doing this for years, together.
Jimmy is the newest on the regular crew, maybe just a few assignments, but it’s not his first time working with them. I think it’s just something important because this isn’t just one bad mistake that snowballed with giving Jimmy the job. None of them thought Jimmy would do anything, no matter how off-put by him they could’ve been, since he hadn’t done a thing since being there. Generally unpleasantness isn’t a crime and he’d be aware of that.
It was a festering thing and a sort of forced trust they had to give him that he knowingly took advantage of. He was the black sheep and still a wolf under the wool. He expected when he lashed out, that he had been there long enough for it to be looked over completely. Got too comfortable in the space he inserted into and did a lot of damage with his claws when he felt he was going to get shaken out.
#I think acting like if Curly just didn’t give Jim the job this wouldn’t have happened is underplaying that they’ve all been working for PE#for a bit and that Jimmy got comfortable enough to do something horrible like#a lot of factors made the trip being out the worse parts of them but Jimmy was slowly letting his worse parts show and I think people assume#that this was one a few mission he went on with Curly and that he advocated for him completely when it was more likely#he pulled some strings so Jimmy could work right under him and stay out of trouble with a decent job and it back fired cause Jimmy is just#not a good person like I see people acting like his breakdown and choice to crash the ship was because this was probably one of the last#chances to fix his life and he couldn’t admit he fucked up soemthing literally handed to him so badly and cruelly#I think people forget that predators like Jimmy rarely do anything the first day. or week or month or year#they ingrain themselves into the schedule and dynamic and build a sort of stability that make it harder to knock them down or push back#he has Curly’s trust as the co pilot and as a friend#Swansea doesn’t like him but doesn’t trust him and Anya is just wary initially#he doesnt even attack her at the start of the trip it’s implied it happens after the psyche evals and when she confides in Curly how#patronizing he is to her and her position. he’s retaliating against a perceived slight to his stability to him it was pure act of power and#anger because he’s at his core an avoidant bully who can’t take responsibility#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#jimmy mouthwashing#I didn’t want this to be a Jimmy post but it is#more so about how abusers like Jimmy work but I digress cause most of it’s in the comments
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orihime's confession to ichigo evoking the idea of time ["five lifefimes"] vs ichigo's pre-confession evoking the idea of time ["can you make time for me?"]...something about ichigo wanting orihime's time and orihime promising five lifetimes worth of it...something about both of them seeing time spent together as the biggest luxury life could give them...that they had ten whole years between the yhwach battle and the next time we saw them...ten years where they didn't battle anything and didn't rush off to risk their lives, just sat around and spent time together, talking about nothing and everything. and both of them valuing that so much because all they've ever wanted is the other person's...time
#very 2014-coded post i know but i am a 2014-coded blogger at heart#ichigo had 10 straight years where nobody demanded anything of him and one of the first things he did was wife up the love of his life lmao#he really said life is short and i want to spend what little of it i have left by watching laugh hour reruns with orihime#because fundamentally all they've ever loved doing was hanging out with each other....bffs i love them#ichihime#they have sooo many memories too...friends..battles....school anecdotes. and then kazui goes off to college and they reminisce about him to#i bet many conversations during ichigo and orihime's relationship start with them going 'remember when...'#because they lived 90% of their lives together
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sometimes its really obvious how much people dont actually believe presentation=/=gender when they see their nonbinary friend go from extremely masculine to relaxing back into femininity once theyre comfortable with their gender and every time they call it detransitioning with zero indication thats what their friend is calling it. i dont know how to tell you this but sometimes you present a certain way for social reasons and not because thats how you actually feel. sometimes you experience dysphoria about your body that is actually related to how people view you and not how you feel about your body. i really dont think its that uncommon for trans people to swing really hard in one direction for the affirmation and then relax back into a different presentation once they are more comfortable in their gender
#txt#gekkering#idk how to word this but genuinely if you see your friend growing more comfortable in their body and presentation and assume theyre detransi#tioning without them telling you that you should be ashamed and i hope your friend finds someone who is more accepting of experiences they d#dont personally relate to#butch trans women exist femme trans men exist and very masculine AND very feminine nonbinary people exist#i hated my body most of all when i focused on how other people view me. and before anyone accuses me of anything not that you need to but i#do have other dysphoria but its not NEARLY as severe as when i was younger and was obsessed with how other people gendered me#and if that does still bother you thats okay im not saying people who arent bothered by being misgendered are unreasonable or should get ove#r it or anything#but THATS why sometimes your dysphoria from when you first came out can drastically contradict the way you present later in life#such as transmasc people no longer wanting to bind or transfem people no longer wanting to tuck
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*apricot-chewing-gum-scented-one*
me when a bad bitch tell me to sniff a nasty fucking old gum wrapper
#i have never wanted spoilers for anything less in my LIFE please dont even say anything abt the game in the tags lol#<<guy who doesnt even have to read reblog tags voice. but i cant help it. what if somebody says its pretty >_>#ummmmmm#i think i cooked here. i'm afraid.#nobody speak to me.#disco elysium#harrier du bois#i dont even know her name. but you know who that is right. right disco elysium-ers??? dont tell me#clip studio paint iz my new best friend forever#kiwiarts
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i <3 planners/journals/scrapbooks
#you can do whatever you want forever <3#really interesting to me discussing these with my friend who's an art professor bc i never considered them art and she was like.#u could exhibit these. and i was like woag.#idk if i think that hahaha but i DO really like them and keeping a planner is truly pillar of my life and has been daily since 2017 <3#very proud of taking the leap and designing these ones and having them made! first time i've ever made a 'product' and i would not change#anything about them which is preddy neat. really thought through the design! anyway i have sung my own praises now :P#also if you're reading this kz your patreon notes are a staple of my inside covers :P#many friends may see themselves in these pages i love to stick in a friend item <3
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"how many mouthguards does matthew tkachuk chew through every season?" "3 maybe? 2 or 3 a season?...but in playoffs i actually switch each and every round"
CBS News Miami | 6.28.24 (x)
THATS A 1 ROUND MOUTHGUARD???? THAT WHAT HIS MOUTHGUARD LOOKS LIKE AFTER A SINGULAR SERIES????? (x)
the more matthew denies it not being about "chewing through" his mouthguard the more it makes it seems like its because he chewed through his mouthguard like that is a maintenance issue THERE IS A HOLE IN THERE???? HELP???
also him mentioning that he likes his equipment fresh for playoffs and changes it every round which is so prevalent because THIS is what he had to say about the mere notion of new skates when asked on media day before the 2324 season started...
survey says that all cats who were asked (and shown) agreed they could not stand the idea of never getting new skates and went for "never be able to get a new pair of gloves"...matthew being the only one to go for "never be able to get a new pair of skates" (x)
youre telling me despite how much he obviously hates the physical discomfort of the cinch of new skates he still elects to change them because playoff superstitions (its not about about superstitions! he says...as if he also hasnt said on camera that the oldest piece of equipment he has is his jock and will in fact NEVER change it like that doesnt reek of sibney-isms...the way this man has influenced a whole generation of children...)
#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#“all cats are fueled by autism in their own unique way”#once again begging someone to get him a chew stim toy#or chew jewellery... just anything... it changes your life man and you dont ruin stuff youre not supposed to chew on...#its silicone you can chew as much as you like and you tire your jaw out its fantastic#i wish a friend who notices your -isms before you do and buys you a chew toy so you dont injure your mouth upon matthew just like i have#is it a little embarrassing to be confronted with? yeah no shit. but does it help in the end? YEAH NO SHIT.#also goldie giggling to himself after saying “or did you chew through it too hard cuz its in your rat game” OH HE THOUGHT HE WAS SOOOO FUNN#AND HE IS. HES RIGHT.#the matthew lore thickens it does
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