#my library doesn’t have part 5 and I’m freaking out a little

[anime-moreanime-animeagain]

I haven’t even read the epilogue yet, but apparently the last few chapters of Ascendance of a Bookworm Part 4 Volume 3 was written solely to make me ugly cry for an hour. (Spoilers ahead)

That goodbye was brutal. I cannot. I am so upset about this. I was upset waaaay back in the beginning for being denied my rightful Gunther and Myne father and daughter ADORABLENESS! When she unthinkingly reached out to him after the Hasse execution and he gave her his coat? I was a puddle of tears y’all 😭 😭

And now? This last tie being severed and those two years being lost is just too cruel. I’m sure later I’ll squeal over how cute it was for Ferdinand to praise her like that (b/c omg it was SO cute!), but right now all I can think about is how tragic and sad it must have been for him. How unexpectedly happy he must have been to receive such praise, that would only come once a year. How utterly alone he must have felt sometimes…

Right so I’m back to crying. This book is more than kicking me in the feelings. I got hit with a 20 hit combo and am down for the count.

[freakingholland]

"Law of attraction" – Asher Millstone x gn!reader

A/N: There aren’t enough HTGAWM fics here on tumblr so here I am with this little something for Asher! If you want to talk about the show or if you have ideas for some imagines feel free to slide into my asks 😊

Warnings: swearing, mentions of exam-related stress

Summary: The Keating 5 and reader are preparing for exams. Who would have thought that exam anxiety could give somebody enough courage to express their romantic feelings?

Set around season 3, post vacation but pre-jail era.

Word count: 1K +

If you enjoyed my work: Ko-fi.com/freakingholland

questions/requests/ideas here! - rules here

masterlist (needs a proper update)

my wattpad archive is here

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-

September meant no more partying, but more preparations for the fall exams. You were stuck in the evening-lit library alongside Laurel, Asher, Michaela, and Connor. Wes did not take part in the study session since he was stolen by Annalise. They were preparing for a particular case with the help of Bonnie at Annalise’s place.

You could feel your eyelids becoming heavier and heavier. It was an nth hour of staring at your books, scrolling through documents and researching papers. The palms of your hands were stained with yellow and pink highlighters. You were sat between Laurel and Asher.

You glanced up from your notes to visually check on your friends, not wanting to disrupt them. Laurel’s eyes met yours and she smiled slightly. Tiredness was visible on her face as smudged mascara created a shadow underneath her eyes.

You looked to your right, heart skipping a beat as you caught sight of Asher, hunched over his notes, his posture sagged from exhaustion. The gentle blue light from his laptop’s screen reflected in his pretty brown eyes, giving them a shimmering hue that accentuated his warmth. His usually well-groomed hair was tousled and slightly disheveled.

His presence had a soothing effect on you, managing to lift your spirits even though he looked visibly tired. You couldn’t help but wish you could retreat to the comfort of your apartment with him. Yet, despite the butterflies in your stomach, you couldn’t muster the courage to admit your true feelings for Asher, leaving you trapped in longing for something more.

What if he doesn’t feel the same? What if saying something changes everything between you two? The thought of losing the closeness you have—of turning something so natural and easy into something complicated—keeps you quiet, even as your feelings for him grow stronger.

“So… I’m trying to remember this definition of Res Ipsa Loquitur and I keep messing it up. It’s so fucking long. Mind if I recite it to you and see if it sounds right?” Ash asked whispering, leaning into your ear.

“Go ahead.” you responded.

“Okay, here it goes: the thing speaks for itself, it refers to situations where the nature of an accident-- implies negligence due to the mere occurrence of the event.” he paused for a second.

“The doctrine—umm… allows a plaintiff to establish a presumption of negligence without direct evidence… provided the event is of a type that does not normally happen without negligence, and the instrumentality causing harm was under the-- defendant's control.”

You nodded with a grin.

“That sounds pretty solid.”

“Thanks.”

He exhaled heavily and leaned back in his chair crossing his muscular arms over his chest.

He shook his head no.

“Dude I’m so tired.” He murmured.

“I can tell. Me too. I could really use a nap.” You also leaned back in your chair.

“Mmm… a nap.” Asher reached out to grab his cup of now cold coffee. After taking a sip or two he turned back to you.

He laughed at his own thought.

“Remember that damned Civ Pro final?” He said.

“Oh yeah, you came out looking pale as fuck.”

“Seriously, I thought I was about to pass out right there in the exam room…”

“I’m starting to freak the fuck out if I’m being honest.” He exclaimed.

Michaela overheard the conversation and chuckled slightly.

“And what is that supposed to mean!”

“I told you to start reading that a week ago. But you guys were too busy with Annalise’s cases.”

“Aaaas alwaaays.” She added mockingly.

Ash only rolled his eyes in response to her remark.

“You’re not the only one who’s stressed out, but we got this.” You tried to reassure him.

He spaced out for a couple of seconds.

“You are right angel. We got this.”

He stood up abruptly and reached out to grab both your mugs.

“Anyone else wants some more coffee?”

You could feel your cheeks burning up. You eyed Ash up and down as he was making his way out of the room when your eyes met with Michaela’s. She gave you a wink and smiled.

*

The hours ticked by, and the evening grew darker.

The silence was suddenly interrupted when Oliver burst into the library, a cheerful grin spreading across his face as he carried a plastic container full of freshly baked cookies.

“There is absolutely nooooo way in hell that you made those!” Laurel said jumping up from her seat and walking towards Oli.

Oliver tilted his head pretending to be offended and smiled at her.

“It’s good to see you too! I did. You all look like you could use some glucose.”  he said with sympathy in his tone.

She quickly took one of the cookies and bit into it.

Everyone stopped in their tracks and locked their gazes on Laurel to see her reaction.

“Okaaay these are… not too bad actually.”

“Gimme one I got to try!”

Michaela reluctantly bit into a cookie. She started nodding after taking two more bites.

“Not too bad huh?”

“Okay alright… pretty good Oli. Good job hun.”

He walked towards her and embraced her in a hug, making sure not to spill the cookies.

*

As the study session wrapped up and everyone started packing their bags, Asher turned to you, his eyes a mix of exhaustion and excitement.

"You know," he began, his voice softer now.

"Once we get through these exams, I think we deserve a break." You looked up, curious, as Asher continued.

"How about we celebrate with dinner? Just the two of us?"

The sudden invitation made your tiredness fade slightly as you quickly considered the offer.

"Dinner sounds nice. "

Asher's grin widened, clearly pleased with your response.

"Great, it’s a date then” he said, his tone playful yet sincere.

The others exchanged quick glances but pretended not to hear, letting the moment pass without interruption. With that, you headed out of the library, finally chatting about other, less boring matters.

You delicately poked Ash’s side. He looked down at you and hummed.

“Sooo do we have a plan for the dinner or-?”

“Mmm… I was thinking of something low-key, maybe just some good food at my place and no textbooks in sight?”

“That would be perfect.”

-

A/N 2: Part 2 soon? Yes? No? :)

[t4kalcvr]

ARE WE BREAKING UP? — c. soobin smau

harsh joking in this part if you know what i mean !

EPISODE 5 . that was my alter ego

Soobin’s eyes furrowed at the messages and began typing, “wha—” and it wasn’t long until he was thrown to the floor. All he could see from the sudden action was a white and black flurry of hair and blue ripped jeans and a large colorful t-shirt.

“You broke up with my cousin!?” he heard an unfamiliar voice whisper-yell, “OVER A WEDDING INVITATION?” he continued.

Soobin wanted to speak about Taehyun but it was futile, honestly at this point, he was just trying to not take blame for everything. So he sighed before speaking, “Yes! I’m sorry, I freaked because I’ve never been in a relationship and I overthink every little thing!”

He heard a deep sigh, “but i was going to talk to her! because she seemed to be taking it really well these past few days..” at that he heard silence, and in this case, that’s terrifying.

“I’m not going to tell you what’s been going on for the past few days, I'm going to let you figure this out yourself,” Hongjoong’s voice was baritone and faint, but the words confused Soobin, what'd he mean?

“What are you—”

“What did I just say?”

“Okay!” Soobin saluted as he sat on the floor, legs crossed like a kid.

“Now, my name is Hongjoong, I'm her cousin, I'm going to go,” he last spoke before exiting the room.

last episode ⋆·˚ ☽ .* m.list ⋆ ˚ ♪ ｡⋆˚ next episode

S. NOTE : i honestly want to frustrate people with this and bring anticipation (idk if that’s how it’ll turn out) but it’s suppose to be stupid, and im just having fun with it so i’m sorry if this doesn’t fit what you expected :)

TAG LIST ( OPEN ) : @oulspvs @goldennika @sukunasrealgf @acidicloveee @enluv @alemi-i @soobs-things @imsiriuslyreal @mental-hollows @stargirl-library

[semper-legens]

33. Chosen, by PC and Kristin Cast

Owned: No, library Page count: 322 My summary: Zoey Redbird is in trouble. Her friends are growing more distant, her boyfriend trouble has reared its head, and her undead friend is losing her humanity day by day. Nyx is leading her to unlikely corners to solve her problem - former foe Aphrodite starts to offer help, albeit reluctantly. But when vampyres start being killed, Zoey starts to realise there are bigger things at work here. Nyx’s path is hard to walk. And Zoey is going to find herself in huge trouble... My rating: 0/5 My commentary:

I have no excuses for why I'm continuing with the House of Night books. They're awful. There's so little to like about them. They're just a bigoted mess. And yet, they're also wild in how awful they are, so much that they wind up being incredibly entertaining in all the wrong ways. So I'm gonna keep reading 'em until either I'm sick of them, or I run out. Because this is my life now.

So there's four major things in this book I wanna talk about. Obviously, it's still homophobic and misogynistic as hell, I've talked about that before, that hasn't changed. The first of this particular book's sins is Loren Blake. He's a teacher at the House of Night who's shown a romantic interest in Zoey, so much so that she counts him as one of her three boyfriends. Surprise! He's grooming her! But not in the way that setup sounds like. No, he's actually just pretending to be into her so he can spy on her for Neferet, his actual lover. The problem this narrative has with him isn't that he's a teacher preying on a seventeen year old, it's that he's spying for Neferet. Ugh. It's also tied up in Zoey's misogyny - she denigrates other girls as sluts and skanks, but has sex with Loren. Then she wonders if she's turning into a slut. Which is clearly the biggest issue here. The sexual politics of this series are a fucking mess.

Then there's Zoey's ongoing relationships with her friends, who are all still one-note. They all turn against her in this one, mostly because she's hiding the Stevie Rae thing and doesn't tell them anything. But it starts at the opening scene, Zoey's birthday, where everyone gets her Christmas themed presents because her birthday's the 24th of December, and Zoey hates that. But doesn't tell them this beforehand or after, and is treating her friends getting her Christmas themed presents as a great betrayal. Priorities, girl! I don't know how she's meant to stay sympathetic, honestly. This is not a huge deal, and she's treating it like they're being mean to her, despite them not knowing she doesn't like it. So when Stevie Rae shows up, they all freak out (justifiably!) and shun Zoey for it. And because nuance is not a concept Cast is familiar with, it's in that very black and white You Are Either For Or Against Zoey way that every relationship Zoey has winds up. We're supposed to think they're treating Zoey unfairly, when actually it's her own damn fault. Meanwhile, Aphrodite is slowly becoming part of the team, but her and Zoey still spend the whole time sniping at each other in misogynistic ways, it's really unpleasant.

Third is the whole magic and religion thing. Vampyres are being murdered by humans, who belong to the People of Faith, a vaguely Christian organisation. Stevie Rae is becoming an Actual Vampire, with the sun weakness and the need to drink blood and be invited into houses thing. (I know I keep saying it, but why is this book not about witches? Stevie Rae can still separately be resurrected as a vampire.) Of course, the vampyres are all innocent victims (it's canon that the vampyres make up much of the high-profile members of society, what is the legal situation of vampyres in this world?) and all the People of Faith are cartoonishly evil and bigoted. Nuance is dead, long live nuance. Secondarily, Zoey's just amazing at all her magic now. She said she's been practicing, but we never see her do any work for it. She can summon wind and fire and all that! Sure would be nice to see her figure that out! But no, as ever, Zoey's just Naturally Good At All Things.

And then there's what I'm going to refer to as The Incident. So here's the setup. Zoey has gone to meet her human boyfriend, Heath, to break up with him. He gets her to drink more of his blood, during which some men catcall her. They are explicitly mentioned to be black. Zoey summons her affinity with the wind to blow a car into their path, hitting them. They could have died. We don't know. Which...what the fuck? Why specifically mention the ethnicity of these characters? The point this scene is meant to make is that Zoey is losing her humanity, but we don't see that in any other meaningful way, this whole thing just feels tacked-on. She doesn't have these murderous impulses anywhere else in her life! And while Zoey feels bad about what happened, she doesn't, like, check to see if they're okay, or call an ambulance. She just leaves. Which carries the really gross overtone that a) black men (of which there are no other explicit examples thus far in this book) are aggressive and sexually harass women and b) are totally fine to murder for the above incident. It's Just Disgusting.

Ugh. And yet, I've got the next installment on order. Riddle me that. Anyway, next up something much better - a house full of magical, troubled children.

[starsxblazing]

Pushing the Limits (Part 3)

Summary: Azriel tries to gain the upper hand only to find out that it wasn't an easy job.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7

-----

You left the office as soon as Rhysand was finished giving you some more specific information about the job but once he was done, you made your way down to sit with Feyre and Elain in the sitting room. The High Lady was glowing with her pregnancy and you knew that being a mother would look even better on her. You ended up in the kitchen with Elain, baking treats since the men were still in the office with Rhysand. By the time that all of them emerged an hour later, Azriel glanced between you and Elain before glaring hatefully at you and storming out of the home, slamming the door in the process.

“What was that about?” Elain asked, her eyebrow raised in confusion.

“Beats me,” you replied with a shrug. “He’s a moody prick.”

Elain’s burst of laughter had you laughing quietly as well before readjusting your face into boredom. The female got more of a watered down version of you due to her sweeter nature that made her easy to love by everyone. Despite that, your heart hurt for her mate that you knew was struggling even though you weren’t sure just how deep a mating bond worked. It wasn’t something that you had particularly cared for because you were sure that there wasn’t anyone out there that could put up with you for eternity. 

“Is he okay?” Elain looked between Cassian, Rhys, and Feyre as they both carried the treats to them. “I haven’t seen him like that before.”

“He’s sure that Y/N is going to get us killed on our mission.” Cassian answered with a chuckle. “Her ability to piss people off is more than we’ve ever seen before.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Elain smiled gently at you, showing you her confidence in your abilities. “I’ve heard she’s quite good when it comes to fighting.”

“I’m glad someone has my back,” you huffed, your face falling into a genuine complacent bored mask.

The room was filled with talk and laughter, leaving you feeling content for what little time that you had there with them. You had every intention of joining Nesta wherever she was in the House and you hoped it was in the library where it was quiet. Cassian was unusually quiet on the flight back, leaving you to frown up at him.

“Don’t tell me that you’re doubting me too.”

“It’s not that.” He shook his head but he didn’t bother looking at you. “I do feel the need to tell you to not push things too far. I know how far you’ll go for equality but it takes time.”

“I know that, Cass.” You looked out to the sight of the city that you loved so dearly. “It doesn’t stop me from wanting to strangle nearly every male there though.”

“I can say that I wholeheartedly agree with you.”

There was finally a smile on his face by the time that he landed on the balcony but this time, you didn’t push away as quickly. You wanted to ask him to take you flying because you absolutely loved it but one look at Azriel at the table with his jaw clenched shut that idea down. Continuing with your previous idea, you made your way to the library and found Nesta reading in the blissful silence.

Picking out your book from the shelf that you had already started, you made yourself comfortable in one of the plush chairs as you both read in silence. It was both of your ways of enjoying each others’ company without having to speak and it was the kind of friendship that was harder to come across. You weren’t sure how much time had passed but Cassian strutted in as if he owned the entire house, plucking the book from your hands with smug curiosity in his eyes.

“You read this smut too?” He laughed, the sound coming from deep within his chest in amusement before scanning over the scene that you were currently on. “Gods, if this is the kind of stuff that you like, you’re a godsdamn freak.”

A snort sounded from the doorway and you noticed a scowling Azriel that you hadn’t previously paid any attention to. The muscle in his jaw was still twitching, causing you to smirk. You knew he was thinking about the ridiculously quick night that you had together and it was so hard to suppress your laugh. Cassian still skimmed the page some more before handing you your book back.

“Ya know, if you need a good time like that, my bed is always open.”

“Ha!” You rolled your eyes and gave him a vulgar gesture before waving your hand in dismissal. “I’d hate to exhaust you before our mission tomorrow.”

Nesta chuckled at that, causing you to do so as well. You didn’t care if it broke your usual mask because you thoroughly enjoyed the shock on Cassian’s face. With a huff, the males left you both there and you burst into laughter once you knew they were out of earshot. You noticed the way that Cassian and Nesta looked at each other and there was no way you would entertain the idea even if you were interested.

It was a task to force yourself away from the book that you were wholly invested in but you needed to follow your own advice and get some rest. Nesta wasn’t far behind you but you both parted ways once you passed her room. Just as you got to your door, a tingle ran down your spine right before you were pinned against the wall once again.

Azriel was angry beyond belief with his High Lord for sending you to a war camp of all things. The words he spat about your training weren’t exactly true but it most definitely wasn’t enough for you to handle yourself in Windhaven unless Cassian was right next to you. That would be impossible for him to do and he just knew that your mouth would undo everything that they had been working to rebuild. Your passion for equality was admirable but it was so easy for you to be sidetracked for it.  

“Have you lost your fucking mind?” he growled, once he had you at his mercy.

“Not recently,” you retorted, smirking up at him.

“Rhysand should have never brought you here.” He glared down at you, his hands gripping your wrists tighter on each side of your head out of instinct in his anger. “You will do nothing but be a burden on missions and will destroy all of the progress that we have been working so hard to fix.”

“Aww,” you cooed, rolling your eyes when his anger became even more apparent. “Poor Illyrian baby didn’t get his way and is throwing a tantrum.”

Your patronizing only furthered his anger and he did his best to keep it in check. It didn’t help when his shadows began screaming at him for crossing a line in how he was speaking to you, some shooting from around him and swirling around you in an almost protective manner. He leaned in closer, his mouth just beside your ear as his voice dropped into a deadly calm.

“Nobody wants you here so I suggest going to a court that would actually put up with you.”

He had barely pulled back enough to see you smirking, unmoved or bothered by his words. Just as soon as he was away from your head enough, you head butted him right in the nose before easily sliding out of his grasp and kicking him in the knee which sent him falling to the ground. 

“Get some rest, Shadowsinger,” you chuckled, the smile in your voice evident. “You’re looking rough and need some beauty rest.”

With that, you dipped into your room, leaving him on the ground in stunned silence.

@hnyclover @justasillylittlegoofyguy @acourtofbatboydreams

[arianaagreyy]

Outcast || Remus Lupin x Reader (Part 2)

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

_______________________

Words: 1,257 words

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Fem!Reader

Warnings" Fluff, Bullying, Name-calling. Let me know if there are any more.

_______________________

The next morning, you woke up with a good mood. Humming a muggle song, you quickly took a shower and casted a drying charm on your body. You dressed up and walked out of the dorm to see the couch empty. The memories of last night came flooding back to you and you felt a blush creep up to your cheeks.

Clearing your throat, you made your way towards the couch and picked up the book you were reading last night. You had to return it to the library today.

When you entered the Great Hall, your eyes involuntarily searched for the boy you healed last night. Luckily, it wasn’t had to spot him since his two best friends were always the center of attention, making a commotion at the table. How could someone have this much energy in the morning?

You made your way towards the table and sat near to the closest place to the exit of the Great Hall. Your book was safely tucked in your bag. You were eating your breakfast normally until some Slytherin student shouted from their table:

“Oh look, the freak is here”, he shouted so loudly, even the Marauders silenced.

“I think you meant the monster”, another one added.

You were too used to hearing the taunts and names that you just ignored the names and kept on eating your breakfast, not seeing the entire Gryffindor table had their eyes on you.

“Stop disturbing her guys. She’s busy thinking about her next victim”, this time, a girl spoke.

You still didn’t mind the words, although a part of you wanted to beat them up so bad.

“I wonder who it will be this time”

“Maybe it’ll be you Lucius”

“Oh Salazar no! I don’t think so. Maybe someone from her own house”

“Maybe it’ll be you Black”, a boy said.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Sirius look at you and then towards the boy.

“I’d watch my words if I were you, Rosier. Just because she isn’t saying or doing anything doesn’t mean I won’t”, Sirius spat, venom evident in his voice, slowly standing up from his place.

“Don’t reply”, you softly mumbled but loud enough for Sirius to hear who clenched his hands and sat back down.

“But have any of you ever wondered why was she sent here”, a boy asked, faking a skeptical look.

You stiffened but not for long. You had to leave now. Pushing your half-filled plate away from you, you grabbed a napkin and wiped off your mouth.

“It’s not like I’m interested but now that you’ve said it…” Lucius’s voice trailed off looking at you and smirking.

Your family hadn’t told Dumbledore the real reason you were transferred from Beauxbatons and you didn’t want anyone to know either. You were scared if someone found out about the reason, you’d be a target for things even worse than the bullying you’re currently facing.

“What did you do, monster? Did you kill someone?” another boy shouted.

You nonchalantly picked up your bag, stood up from the place you were sitting and looked at the Gryffindor table to see all of the students’ eyes were on you. You just shrugged your shoulders at them and turned to leave the hall.

You were almost near your class when you heard footsteps behind you. You turned to see Remus Lupin standing with some flowers in his hand.

“Hey”, he said, panting. He was clearly running because he was out of breath.

“Hey”, you replied, trying vey hard not to blush and smiled at him.

“Um…what happened in the Great Hall…” he trailed off looking at you for any kind of discomfort but he only saw your eyes looking at him and a warm smile on your face. It had taken him a lot of time to muster up the courage and talk face-t-o-face with you.

“Don’t worry about that. I’m used to it”, you comforted him, clearly seeing that he was a little uncomfortable talking about it. It just made the butterflies in your stomach even worse.

Remus was also very impressed. He had a new reason to admire you now. You were so strong and you didn’t let a person’s opinion get in the way of your good mood. You were a morally strong person. He was suddenly aware that he had flowers in his hands and they were for you.

“Uh…I brought you some flowers. I didn’t know your favorite so it’s a bunch of a few”, he said, trying to control his nerves.

You felt your cheeks heat up and smiled warmly at him. You raised your hands towards him and he placed the beautiful bouquet of flowers on your hands. You smelled the flowers. It smelled so fresh, immediately you forgot about the Slytherins and where you were standing and for a moment, it was just you and Remus.

You cleared your throat and looked up at him to meet his brown orbs.

“Thank you, Remus”, you said and the way his name rolled off your tongue made blush rise to his cheeks.

He could hear that every day.

“Uh…no problem”, he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

He swiftly turned back and ran at full speed towards the Transfiguration classroom where his friends were.

When he reached there, James and Sirius were already standing at the back of the class, motioning him to come there. He quickly walked towards them and placed his bag on the table, looked at them and smiled a smile that James and Sirius were sure they had never seen.

“So I’m assuming all went well”, James said, leaning towards Remus since Sirius was standing in the middle of the two. Remus felt a blush creep up to his face again and averted his eyes towards the professor who had just entered yet the smile on his face never vanished.

James and Sirius were positive by now that they had never seen Remus look so happy before, not to mention the blush on his face was so evident. They both looked at each other, silently conversing via eye contact.

If one small talk with Y/N could make him this happy, how happy would he be if they were together?

Both of them were now on a mission to get Remus and Y/N together. It’s not always that Remus Lupine looks so happy right after a full moon.

Meanwhile Y/N was sitting in her class, nowhere near concentrating what Professor McGonagall was saying. Rather, her mind was occupied by the thoughts of a light brown haired boy who had just given her a bouquet of flowers.

“Ms. Y/L/N are you alright?” Professor McGonagall looked towards Y/N. She was suddenly out of her gaze to look at the professor.

Remus’s ears perked up hearing the name of his long time crush and looked towards her direction to see her shaking her head.

“Uh…yeah professor. Just a slight headache. That’s it”, she replied with a smile. The professor gave her a nod and continued what she was teaching.

Y/N sighed and started listening to the Professor, making notes. Remus looked at her one last time and went back to listening to whatever Professor McGonagall was saying. He wasn’t able to concentrate that well since half of his attention was towards the girl who was now writing on her parchment.

Unknowable to both, they had each other on their minds for the rest of the day, both wishing the same thing.

I want him.

I want her.

Taglist: @nickangel13

[rothjuje]

Less than 16 days left in Texas.

There are so many parts to moving (going through and getting rid of stuff, selling this house, market research, finding the next house, buying the next house, saying goodbyes) that the 3.5 in between weeks from leaving TX and arriving in Georgetown have been overlooked. But to be fair we didn’t know they wanted a rent back until they had already accepted our offer.

We priced out air bnbs but there are a few issues. First we still need to be within 90 minutes from Justin’s job for him to commute. Second, it’s summer, so a lot of places are already booked for certain days or weeks and we want a continuous stay for George and the cat. Third, service fees for 3.5 weeks are woah. It’d be cheaper/easier at this point to stay in a hotel. Not quite sure how that will work but it’s temporary so we’ll figure it out.

In positive news, helping my friend house hunt has made me appreciate Georgetown even more. It’s so close to his work, it’s (much) closer to the water and Maine than Groton was and it’s almost as pretty. It feels more remote than most other places we looked at (a positive) but is still close to everything. I think Georgetown is a perfect landing spot. I’m not as worried about the house, talked to a few people and apparently it’s not that weird to not have a master bathroom out there. And apparently it doesn’t affect the septic tank to add a bathroom, so adding one wouldn’t be as challenging as previously thought. But I also don’t think we’d need one, the kids’ bathroom is right outside the master bedroom. Had a lot of people confirm that the lack of AC isn’t a huge deal, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was 97 on a day we were there in May. Justin cannot be soothed on the AC front because climate change freaks him out. But he runs cold so he’ll probably be fine. We could always put a window unit in the master or install ceiling fans.

I am a little sad about chickens not being allowed. I wanted to make an incubator and hatch chicks with the kids in the spring. Sigh. We could get a pig or two. Or a tortoise. Perhaps goats? I don’t know. Their laws are written so weirdly. It says no grazing animals but per the internet a goat is a browsing animal, not a grazing one. I don’t even like goats, but I do like options. It says something about 2 swine allowed on less than 5 acres, but why on earth would they allow pigs and goats but not chickens??? Goats are destructive and pigs stink. Sigh.

I’m not ready for any new pets anyway. Honestly, it’s been so crazy since the twins were born. I’d like to focus this next year on getting everyone adjusted and thriving. I want to explore the area and make memories. Maybe in a few months we can rip out the carpet downstairs (living room, guest room/playroom, hallway) and replace with wood floors.

I also want to focus more on growing our own food. I want each kid to have their own garden bed, I want to start composting and researching the best method, and I would like to get a greenhouse. And thinking of the yard, I would like to build a tree house for the kids. We had a couple growing up and there is just something magical about them.

I really like the layout of the new house. Office and library will be in the finished basement. 4th bedroom is downstairs and will be the playroom/guest room. We will probably get another pull out sofa for the basement. Living room, kitchen and dining are also downstairs. Upstairs has two massive rooms and a third good sized one. And the fun blue bathroom. I am excited that our bedroom will be relatively close to the kids’ rooms. Here they are on the other side of the house and I hate how far they are.

So. Lots to look forward to. Now to survive the next few weeks...

[fandomlovingfreak]

Glacial Passion (5/?)

Regulus Black/Reader

Rating: SFW, T+

Trigger Warning: Arranged Marriage

Word Count: 1998

MasterList Link I AO3 Link I Wattpad Link

Summary: Glacial, cold, icy… all words that described Regulus Black’s grey eyes. Was there truly no emotion behind those eyes, or did a caring man exist beneath? Could she defrost those glacial eyes?

Disclaimer: Regulus Black (Walburga Black, Orion Black, and Sirius Black) is a character from Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling. Reader or y/n is not owned by Rowling. This work has not been created for profit or financial compensation, and is a transformative fair use work in accordance with Section 107 of the United States Copyright Act.

Notes: My only note is that the characters in this fanfiction do some questionable things. This does not at all reflect my personal morals or anything I would do (and certainly hope you would not do). Please don’t read this story if you can’t separate fiction from reality. Fanfiction is for entertainment and should not be something that teaches you to be or act a certain way. Thanks!

Enjoy

***

Regulus is met with silence when (y/n) climbs into their bed after the fight and more silence when she doesn't acknowledge him in the morning, dressing silently before sitting on the balcony with her book.

He glances out of the glass door, watching her devour the words on the worn book. Sighing loudly, he looks back towards the parchment on the desk. He didn't exactly know what to say to Sirius. He knew he wanted his older brother to know about the developments his life had taken in the past month, but how do you complain without sounding entirely pathetic? Especially when your complaining was truly aimed at your own actions and attitudes. Sirius would love (y/n); he was sure he would. In a way, (y/n) sort of reminded Regulus of his brother. She was so adamant about not following the rules that people like them followed. Obviously, she hadn't been able to escape Pureblood society the way Sirius had... He doubted, though (y/n) would have tried. It had to be harder to be a woman in the circles they found themselves in. He honestly couldn't imagine living at the level she was expected to.

It's not like he had any special freedom from the constricting nature of their society, but he could do many things she couldn't while still maintaining his reputation. He could have affairs, he could (but personally wouldn't) abuse his spouse, he could even live separate from her without causing a stir. All these things happened within marriages like their own, and only the women seemed to be ruined by their actions and the actions of their husbands and fathers. 

Regulus picks up his quill, intending to finally start this blasted letter. Where does he even begin?

 Sirius,

I do not have any great excuses for my lack of communication, other than the last month, which has been one of the most hectic of my life. I am unsure what you have heard. I doubt you have a full picture of what my life has become, as I would hope you would reach out to congratulate your younger brother on his recent nuptials if you had heard. 

My new wife, (y/n) Black née (y/ln), apparently checked off the boxes our parents found necessary for the next Mistress Black. Funnily enough, though, I'm not sure they did much research into who she is as (y/n) could hardly be considered the traditional Pureblood bride.

But that is hardly a bad thing; if anything, I find her refreshing, if not a bit maddening at times. I had been somewhat afraid to have a meek and mild wife who would cower under my gaze. (y/n), despite being brought up similarly to us, she seems to have developed her own personality outside of Pureblood society. She isn't bitter or greedy like the other girls. The only piece of jewelry I have been able to give her without argument has been that horrible engagement ring-- you know, the one from mum's side. She doesn't want the things most of these Pureblood girls want. Jewelry and expensive things don't seem to make her happy the way mother said they would.

Even as she is different, I have this ever-increasing fear that I might drive her towards the other's level of bitterness and unhappiness. I will be the first to admit that I have no idea what I am doing with women; this fact has not changed in my marriage. It's become even more apparent that I haven't a clue how I should behave as I've been forced into this relationship.

It has also become clear that Mother's advice has been shit, as every attempt I've made with my bride has been met with annoyance from her. I can't seem to give her what she truly wants. Embarrassingly enough, what she talks of-- craves from me is some sort of romantic connection. This is something I hadn't planned on in an arranged marriage, and I'm not sure if I will be able to indulge her without a bit of deceit. 

Which I would feel horrible for doing-- pretending. 

Last night, like many nights in recent weeks, I found myself in an argument with my wife over this exact topic. Something she said triggered a memory, hopefully, a memory that you have a recollection of as well.

Do you, brother, have any memories of our dear mother when she was-- well, motherly, to say the least. Warm and loving, as a mother should be. When she would admit to us in hushed tones that the love we showed her was the replacement for the lack of love between Orion and herself?

During the heated exchange with my wife, I was struck with that strange memory, and I realized deeply and uncomfortably that I was in the early stages of pushing my own wife towards becoming our mother. Something, I realize now, I cannot allow to happen.

Pushing this girl towards unhappiness when she was forced into marrying me by her parents is unacceptable on my part. I'm completely aware that it is me who is making us miserable. I should be happy, or at least satisfied enough in the marriage to indulge her, to try. (y/n) is beautiful, everything a man could want in a wife. And I do want her. 

Yet, I do not know how to want her the way she is expecting me to. And, I have to reiterate that I don't know how to even-- fall in love, I suppose.

Through my woeful letter, I hope you see a solution to my dilemma. Or at least can offer advice as I have no idea which direction I should go at this time.

Sincerely,

Regulus places his quill to the side, reading over the content of his letter. At times, he sounds like a pathetic child whining, but he hopes his brother can see he sincerely wants his advice.

Very much requires any advice Sirius may have.

None of Sirius's advice could be helpful on the trials and tribulations of marriage per se, but if anyone had experience in relationships, it was Sirius Black. Sirius, who wooed and flirted his way through life, would know exactly how he would be able to win (y/n) over and hopefully form a romantic relationship with her.

Slowly, Regulus gets up from the desk, taking his time to cross the room. Opening the glass door to the balcony, he pokes his head out. When (y/n) doesn't look up, he clears his throat.

She freezes, slowly lowering the book enough for their eyes to meet, but doesn't say a word.

"I'm going to go to the lobby to have this posted." Regulus feels the light pink of embarrassment on the tops of his cheeks.

(y/n) nods once before giving her attention back to the blasted book. Regulus's lips pinch before he shuts the door a bit louder than necessary.

Much to his annoyance, the banging noise doesn't seem to faze his wife. 

He stalks down to the library in a mood, the letter to Sirius gripped tightly in his right hand.

A young witch greets him, asking if he needed any assistance with anything.

"I require an owl. I have a very urgent letter that needs to arrive as soon as possible."

"Okay, if you'll follow me, we can get your letter sent." The witch leads him up to the rooftop, showing him the hotel's fastest owl.

***

A sharp knock on their suite's door startles Regulus, who had been reading the Prophet to pass the time. He gets up off of the room's couch, opening the door to an older gentleman.

"Mail delivery, Master Black." The old man hands him a hastily folded piece of parchment addressed to him in Sirius's messy excuse for handwriting.

"Uh-- thank you." Regulus digs in his pocket, pulling out money to tip the man. They exchange the items, and Regulus hurries over to the desk. Hurriedly, he breaks the wax seal and opens the letter.

 You got married?

Ah, yes. His ever eloquent brother didn't even bother to address the letter, jumping right to the point.

Regulus reads on...

You got married? And I didn't even get an invitation? I'm sort of hurt, but yet again, mum would've been pissed if I showed up. How fun would that have been, though? Me crashing your wedding in my Docs and my worn Led Zeppelin shirt. Mum would've freaked.

We really missed an opportunity, Reggie.

But, wow. You married. That's wild. And she's a bit wild as well? How did you manage to end up in an arranged marriage with what seems like the most unique of the Pureblood lot? Besides me, of course.

I'll have to meet this fascinating (y/n) (y/ln)-- or should I say (y/n) Black? Weird-- I have a sister-in-law. That feels too grown-up and stuffy.

Maybe it feels wrong, mostly because you never dated anyone, or at least anyone I knew of.

The point you made about you knowing absolutely nothing about women is incredibly accurate, I'm afraid, Reggie. The poor girl, I hope you haven't been ignoring her like Orion does to Walburga. But, I'm almost certain that you have been sort of an ass to her by your letter.

You want advice though, do you now, little brother. Here is my advice to you:

I have dated plenty of people in my days-- plenty. If you truly wish to make your wife (what the hell that is so odd to write!) happy, Regulus, you need to get to know her. 

Ask her questions about her likes, her dislikes. What her childhood was like, who her friends are. Even silly things such as how she takes her tea or what she grew up wanting to be as an adult. But you must be prepared to be vulnerable and answer questions she has for you as well. If you can't open up and be vulnerable, you will never be successful in 

A) forming a "romantic connection" with (y/n) and 

B) falling in love with your wife. 

I hope that I have been helpful. My advice is simple, but knowing the woman you promised to spend eternity with is necessary to live a peaceful life. Maybe the whole "happy wife happy life" saying is accurate. Not like I would know, but still.

As for the memory of Walburga you brought up, I do remember instances like that. I hadn't thought about those instances in a very long time. I hope you are successful in your attempts with (y/n). I would hate to see another woman turn out like our mother.

Your brother,

 P.S. Take your wife out somewhere romantic! For Merlin's sake, Regulus. You have to have some romance somewhere hidden within you!

 ***

Regulus decides there's no better time than the present to follow Sirius's advice. Unfortunately, he already used up his one "romantic" idea (really Orion's, but still) with their disastrous dinner the previous night.

His only option would be to find a local who would know of spots he might take his wife to. He reckons the logical locals to ask where these locations would be are the hotel's staff.

The same witch that helped him with the owl still sits at the hotel's lobby desk. She grins widely when she notices he's walking towards her, "Oh! You're back!"

Regulus controls his mild annoyance with the woman as she bats her eyelashes foolishly.

"I wonder if you know any places around the city that you recommend for honeymooners?"

The girl's face falls slightly before she's grinning again, "You're on your honeymoon?"

"Yes, you've probably seen my wife with me," he says, asserting that he does have a wife and that the girl shouldn't get her hopes up, "I'd like to take her out this afternoon, but I'm afraid I know little of the spots couple's usually visit around here."

The witch thinks for a moment, "I think I have a perfect place in mind."

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here!

A/N: I apologize for all the profanity in this part ahead of time. I think I’m going to do M/W/Sat updates, as long as my writing permits, and then maybe Wed/Sat updates. I got the day off because it snowed so I thought I would post this since it’s ready haha

* Well you’re royally f*cked

* There’s a big stupid smile curled on your face, and every time you try to hide it, it just comes back wider

* You really shouldn’t be happy right now

* “What has you in such a good mood?” Edward’s got a matching smile of his own.

* Oh shit. It’s fine, you’ll just play dumb.

* “How do you know I’m happy?” How about the dumb grin you’ve got on your face you stupid b*tch.

* You would have smacked your own forehead if you weren’t aware Edward was watching your every move

* You’re lucky Edward’s nice and he doesn’t call you out on it

* “Whenever you’re happy it kind of radiates off of you,” his voice lowers “you know because of your powers”

* Ah, you didn’t know you did that

* “So what do you think about the new girl?” You blurt it out like it’s an intrusive thought

* F*ck. Just-okay just play it cool. Play it cool.

* F********ckkkkk what’s wrong with you.

* Is being happy making you act like a moron?

* He shrugs

* “Just another human, I kind of wish everyone would shut up about it though. Having to hear people talk about her and think about her is getting annoying. It’s like being in a tunnel with one too many echoes.”

* Ah, so he hasn’t noticed yet.

* “I wonder what she’s thinking about.”

* Edward just shrugs again.

* What the f*ck Edward take a hint!

* “Edward?”

* “Yes dear?” He has the nerve to grin after using that pet name. The criminal is teasing you. Some best friend.

* And still it makes you outrageously happy

* You have to force your smile into a straight line

* “What’s the new girl thinking?”

* He looks over to her, Tyler and Mike are fighting for her attention, both of them a moment away from tugging on each arm and shouting “mine!”

* You see him search, you’ve heard enough about his powers to know right now it’s like mall food court level of chatter for him, but in a few seconds he’ll focus on her and realize he can’t hear her thoughts.

* Knowing how prideful he is though, he’ll probably deny it.

* “I don’t know I can’t read her mind” he says bluntly. “Do you think the school music teacher would teach me how to play violin if I asked?”

* “What?!?”

* “I know it’s kind of inconsiderate to ask but-“ you click your tongue

* “No not that!” You gesture towards Bella “you can’t read her mind?!? Isn’t that kind of a big deal?”

* His eyebrows thread together

* “I can’t read your mind either”

* Yes but you’re from a completely different world, in a body that radiates despair (and apparently joy now). You’re basically like some type of eldritch being from another dimension. 

* Edward doesn’t see it that though

* “Honestly it’s a relief, one less mind I have to tune out.” He walks ahead of you as you stay motionless in the middle of the hallway

* What the f*ck is happening?

* “Are you coming? We’re going to be late for Biology if you keep lagging behind like that.”

* How could you forget? The whole story starts because Edward is super into Bella’s blood! He fantasizes killing her for like- the entire class period.

* You were worried for nothing, just because they didn’t have the cafeteria moment isn’t that big of a deal

* The thought makes you both relieved and a little sad

* Still it’s for the best, this is the way things are supposed to be

* And who knows, if you have to leave maybe you can poach Rosalie and Emmett to leave with you

* And maybe Jasper, he won’t like having a human around the house all the time

* “Mr. Cullen, Ms. Eleazar” Mr. Banner hands you each a worksheet.

* Oh right the onion cell worksheet. Ah right the mitosis crap. Well hopefully Mike remembers enough that you both can hobble through

* “New year means new seating arrangement!” He tells you both excitedly. The seating arrangements on the projector.

* “Why am I next to Edward isn’t the seating arrangement supposed to be alphabetical?”

* “I decided to go by grade this time, you should be happy! Aren’t you two...friends?” You can tell your teacher is confused by the nature of your relationship, almost as much as you are. 

* “Super happy Teach.” You mumble taking your seat next to Edward who’s grinning like an idiot

* “You can’t say he’s picking favorites when it’s merit based.” He grins and you roll your eyes

* Angela’s sitting next to Ben Cheney, they seem to be discussing the trigonometry homework, and how it’s basically impossible

* Oh right, he’s supposed to be her boyfriend this year. 

* Personally you think Angela could do way better. But love is blind, you’ll ship it if you have to. 

* And right on cue Mike walks in, Bella following close behind. He takes his seat on the table behind you while Bella talks to Mr. Barnes

* “Why didn’t you guys sit with us at lunch today?” Mike is practically leaned over the entire width of the table.

* Before you can say anything Edward snorts

* “Because (Y/N) was getting lectured for staying out all night again”

* Mike looks like his eyes might pop out of his head

* “W-what? Out all night?! Without inviting me!” You roll your eyes.

* “He’s making it more dramatic, I went out for a run early in the morning because I couldn’t sleep and everyone was freaking out because they thought I got kidnapped.”

* Like any vampire or human stood a chance against you and your violent mood swings

* Mike’s so caught up in lecturing you about how you need to be more careful

* “There’s a lot of weirdos out there!” Yeah you live with them

* That he doesn’t even notice Bella’s taken a seat next to him

* Now that you get a better look at her, she is kinda pretty. She’s the kind of person who probably always looks good in photographs, no matter what the angle. Nice cheekbones and big brown eyes. Modest on boobs and butt, but she’s skinny so it works for her.

* “Hey, you’re Bella right?” You give her your friendliest smile, and you don’t miss the light blush that blooms on her face.

* You’re not sure whether it’s from your beauty or because she’s just not used to so much attention. She just nods.

* “Have you already seen the three whole things there are to do in Town on a Friday night?”

* Bella actually laughs at that. She’s got dimples, and little wrinkles that show up at the corner of her eyes. It’s cute.

* “One of those things is going to the library, so really it’s only two things.”

* She giggles again.

* “Is the other one going over to your house to play monopoly?” Mike asks, a grin arching onto his face

* “No my house is out of town, the other thing is to go to the school football game”

* “I’m not really a big fan of football” Bella hesitantly says, and Mike and Edward laugh

* “Yeah no one here does, everyone goes for the half time show, or just to hang out.” 

* You’re pretty sure your entire friend group only goes to the games to see your cheer routine, especially this year since you’re captain now. The first junior captain in a long time apparently. The news actually made the local newspaper.

* Everything is going good, and you’re starting to think maybe you and Bella might be friends.

* “Why don’t we have a board game night at our house again? Last time was-“

* You stop sentence, you were having so much fun you almost forgot why Edward was so obsessed with Bella.

* The slight breeze from the air conditioning brings her scent to you.

* You cover your mouth and nose with your hand

* Her scent is REVOLTING

* “(Y/N), are you okay?” Mike asks

* You vaguely feel Edward’s hand on your shoulder, has he not caught her scent yet?

* It’s pretty hard to miss

* Like gym socks, with a overly sweet base, it’s like-

* Your head snaps up, and your hand clamps over your mouth and nose even harder, but not because the scent is revolting

* She smells like cheese, perfectly aged Gorgonzola cheese, or maybe Brie?

* You smell the sweeter undercurrent stronger now, it’s like warm juicy peaches

* Roasted peach salad tossed with Gorgonzola and olive oil

* How many times have you dreamed about eating that while basking in the warm sunlight

* “I knew you shouldn’t have eaten those leftovers at lunch,” Edward says, but you know it’s performative, thank god he’s still got some sense after smelling her.

* “Mr.Banner, I think (Y/N) ate something bad, is it alright if I help them to the nurses office?”

* “Yes and hurry!” He’s practically shooing you out as Edward pulls you by the arm

* Nooooo, you wanna smell her moreeee

* You have the sense to not wine and keep your mouth covered.

* Edward doesn’t take you to the nurse, you both don’t stop walking until you’re at the parking lot

* “What the hell was that?” He asks, it’s the first time he’s seemed even remotely angry with you

* He seems more confused then angry though, you’re so shocked you actually sit down on the curb.

* And after a moment of hesitance Edward sits beside you, placing his hand over your own

* “She smells good Edward, like really good.”

* Edward laughs

* “Yeah I gathered that” he shakes his head. “I thought you were supposed to be a picky eater”

* “I aaaaamm” you moan, your head is cradled in your left hand. “She’s like one in a million”

* “You’re one in a million” you lift your head to see Edward looking at you with that stupid sh*t eating grin.

* “Really Edward my life is falling apart because I want to eat someone, and you think the appropriate response is to flirt?”

* To be fair, he’s always flirting, it’s basically apart of his personality at this point

* “You’re being melodramatic.” He chuckles and throws an arm over your shoulder. “Worst case scenario you kill her, Carlisle doles out his funeral punishment-don’t ask, and then we have to start over as freshman again somewhere else.”

* You groan, you finally worked your way up to a junior, you were just starting to get used to this crappy town, you don’t wanna start all over again in a new one

* “What’s the best case scenario?”

* Edward thinks hard for a minute.

* “Best case scenario...the music teacher agrees to teach me how to play the violin and I impress you with my magnificent playing.” You smack him on the arm.

* “Not the best case scenario for you!” You know he’s doing it on purpose. He just wants to make you laugh

* It works, you do laugh. How much more absurd could this situation get?

* “Everything’s going to be fine, if Jasper can handle having to smell 300 students he thinks smell good, you can handle 1.” 

* He’s got a point

* “Wait-didn’t she smell good to you?” Wasn’t that like, the whole d*mn point?

* His eyebrows thread together and he shrugs

* “Um, she smelled alright, no better or worse than the others. I’m not sure what you smelled-“

* What you smelled? The rich but refreshing flavor profile is sublime

* The f*cking heathen doesn’t even know what he’s missing

* “But to me she smelled like peaches”

* Well he kinda knows what he’s missing

* “She’s definitely anemic though, there’s a sever lack of iron in her scent” ah that must be that cheesy smell you’re getting

* Well ain’t this ironic. The girl who’s going to steal your best friend is only getting noticed because of you.

* “I don’t know, personally I prefer Henrietta the 3rds blood, but that’s just me” he’s lying, your blood is good and all, but it’s definitely still not on par with a humans blood

* He’s just trying to make you feel better.

* He rubs your shoulder, before patting it and moving to stand up.

* “Now come on, we have to make you eat some human food so you can throw up in front of the nurse and she lets us leave school early”

* You roll your eyes, anything to leave school early huh?

* “Yeah all right, lead the way Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Brooding”

* “Why do you always say that? I don’t brood that much anymore!”

* “You know how some people have resting b*tch face? You have resting brood face.”

* “Says the person who literally radiates despair” you shove him as you both walk towards the vending machine

* You take a deep breath as you watch Edward fumble with the vending machine

* The dork literally sticks a credit card up to the glass and demands the machine give him chips. 

* (Y/N/N) why isn’t this working? Am I supposed to insert my card through this slot?” 

* You laugh. You’re pretty sure he’s not doing this on purpose.

* “You’re supposed to use cash Edward.”

* You watch as he fumbles with his wallet muttering:

* “Do you think it’ll take a twenty dollar bill?”

* You watch in amusement as Edward tries - and fails- to use a twenty dollar bill, and then proceed to use obscure profanities to curse “this vile wretch of human technological advancement” 

* You feel a sigh of relief escape you.

* Yeah, everything is going to be fine. 

Tags:  @moonlights27 @thebluetint @the100thtwilight @awesomebooklover17 @oneofthepotterheads @smileygirl08 @imdoingathingmom @iconicgguk @yrawn @alyciaswhore @little-horror-show @wicked-watering-can @lazydreamers @xxxmuxxx @puritanicalhypocrite

[gaymershigh]

hello! can I request a hc of the dorm leaders where their s/o kiss them for the first time and run away because they're embarassed/shy? I hope I follow your rules, thank you!

Of course! This might be shorter since I'm going straight to the their reaction because that's all I can think of (Ｔ▽Ｔ) I've finally gained all my energy to do a 5+ character's request but after this I'm gonna go back to focusing 5 or below character request-

Triggers: Vil being RIDICULOUSLY ooc :')

Dorm leaders reacting to their very shy gn! s/o kissing them for the first time and running away

It's obvious you two never kissed before as both parties are too embarrassed to initiate it first. As much as Riddle wanted to give you a smooch to show his affection, he just couldn't as you might not be comfortable about kissing and the only thing he has kissed before was his pillow. He was just too shy and inexperienced to kiss you first as he doesn't want to mess up the magic moment.

When you kissed him and ran away, he was absolutely still as he had no time to process what had just happened. Slowly, his face gets redder as more minutes of him staying still passes. People passed and tried to walk faster as they mistook him getting angrier by the second but in reality, he's just so happy and all blushed at the fact you stole his first kiss when you're the super shy one in the relationship.

He's unsure what to do next, should he chase after you and return the kiss like in that one book that he read in the library out of boredom or wait until you come back as you might also want time to process what you just did as well. He went for the first choice as leaving you hanging at the edge of your seat waiting for his next move is such an improper thing for the Heartslaybyul dorm leader.

He was nervous when you were sitting on a bench at the courtyard, all alone and looking quite antsy. He cleared his throat to approach you directly as walking from behind isn't such a good idea. It was rather for a few seconds as he suddenly forgot what his lines were the moment you two locked eyes. He quickly apologized for the sudden silence as he sat next to you, holding your hand.

"(Y/N), I apologize for not kissing after a long time of dating until you had to initiate it first. Oh, that's not the case? I see but I still feel terrible for not planting a single kiss on your lips before, should I do one now?"

There's no way in hell you two never kissed because if there's no kiss until at least a week after being together, that's not Leona you're dating. He craves the feeling of being loved or having someone to love. Not only that, you being more shy and submissive gives him power and pride, you're his treasure and wants to treat you as one. He doesn't mind that you don't return the kiss back as he's very understanding of how shy you are but of course he teased you about it, hopefully you don't misunderstood him pressuring you to return the favor or something.

When you kissed him for the first time, he was shocked. You actually had the guts to do that!? He knows that one day you will (hopefully) break out of that shell of yours and return the favour but he didn't that scenario that plays on in his head sometimes really coming to life. He managed to recover from the sudden shock and smirked at the thought. You finally did it, you should get a reward by an instant, no? Who cares if you scurried away immediately after you did that, you got him off guard, you deserve a prize.

He was so lost in his own cloud of thought that he almost forgot that you ran away. Unlike the others, he will be like always, lazily going after you by picking up where your lovable scent is. Even had the audacity to yawn halfway walking there while you could be having a breakdown after what you just did. He got sudden thoughts of you freaking out and laughed at himself of how cute that mental mental is, this guy really is something.

When he found you at the botanical garden sitting on the floor, he had no single hesitancy to just call out your name and approach you calmly like your sudden move earlier was just a fever dream. He picked you up from the floor for you to stand up as he cupped your cheek, staring at your eyes with an entertained face.

"You finally got some bravery, Herbivore. You took me by surprise just a little bit and I suppose I'm proud. Now, don't you think you should get a reward?"

Just like Riddle, he's very inexperienced when it comes to love or just having a nice relationship with others besides the Leech twins in general. He would prefer if you kissed first as he's insecure about initiating it first because when it comes to first kisses, aren't they like, very important? Well in his view it is as for what he has read, a first kiss is like an amazing experience that you will only experience once in a lifetime and never again no matter what species you are, it's magical.

And he finally understood what it really meant when you pecked his lips. No matter if it's a full kiss or just a normal quick peck before your sudden flee, it still feels phenomenal. He's very shocked and is aware you're going further away from him but he just didn't do anything. He was just staring at you as you were getting farther and farther as he brushed his lips. Of course, he forces himself to regain his composure as he didn't want to be seen as a foolish lovestruck person in this prestigious campus.

The twins saw what just happened and they were teasing him mad. They can tell that neither of you kissed before until that little performance as his reaction is something a "person who never gets kissed" would do. Since they're in public, he held a lot more power on them and scolded the two for this childish rambling and told them to go back to their work. He knew he had to chase after you, even if he's happy you did the first move, he still felt wrong for making you do it because of his insecurities.

When he found you, he was contemplating whether to go back to his place and leave you alone or not because of how you looked at the moment. You were walking back and forth while looking down, probably having a crisis for doing something so brave out of the blue. He had to drag you somewhere more private as he was aware his face was getting redder again. Even if his words sounded relaxed, you can tell his heart was racing as well.

"Honey, I apologize for making you kiss me first, I really wanted to kiss you as well but I wasn't sure if you were uncomfortable or not. You..you just wanted to kiss me? Because you love me so much?..Really? Ah. I- I see. Very well then, since we're in a more private place, should I…do the same to return my feelings?"

Kalim has kissed you in a lot of places but it was never at the mouth and he never explained why. Maybe he just didn't want to kiss you in the mouth because it's too early in the relationship but then again, it's Kalim, would that really matter to him? He has already kissed your cheek the third day of your relationship so you doubt he really cares about boundaries that much. Well, he wanted to kiss you on the lips badly but Jamil had told him before that the first kiss isn't something so minor like any other kisses he gave to you. It's a more memorable part of the relationship so he should be careful and surprisingly, he obliged to his words, not fully understanding.

But he finally understood them almost completely when you leaned in for the kiss. He was shocked and his heart was fluttering no matter how fast the kiss was. Jamil was right, it was very magical and a memorable moment, it's like one of those fairy tales, he happily thought to himself. Though, he pouted at the fact that it was just a small kiss and his neck kisses lasted longer than that. He actually didn't have a tangent and told you to wait a minute but you probably didn't hear it as you were already away from him.

He took longer than everyone else when it comes to catching up with you as he completely forgot where you head off to due to his lack of capability to remember a lot of things at the same time but it doesn't matter as he tried his hardest to follow you by the help of random students and such just sudden remembrance. He was calling out your name but he didn't hear any response, something told him that you didn't want to talk and avoiding him so calling won't help. Even if you want some alone time, he wants to see you as much as possible because he loves you that much.

When he found you, he practically ran and flung himself into your arms, giggling like a child that got a big toy as a birthday present and a child that got some sweets combined. He was throwing dozens of compliments of how brave you are for kissing him first and how happy he is if it wasn't so obvious. Now that you finally kissed him on the lips he can now do the same anytime he wants, right!?

"Ya qamar! You did it, you finally kissed me! On the lips too! Why did you run away from me earlier, you did a good job! Can I kiss you back now? Can I?"

Vil has mostly kissed you a lot since he's very experienced with it but it's not as much as we thought it would be. He of course only kisses you in private areas as he doesn't want to spark any type of controversy even if he didn't keep your relationship hidden from the media, which he did as his fans and the mainstream media in general were probably not ready yet for the shock. He gets a little bit upset that you haven't returned any of the favor but won't talk to you about it as he thinks that you're insecure about getting caught or something similar to that.

That's why he was so bugged eyed when you kissed his luscious lips. He looked at you with so much sparkles, his affections were finally returned after so long and he doesn't even mind that you flee right after. He slowly and meekly mumbled out your name as he watched you scurry off into the distance. He had a bunch of relationships before and they only have returned his compliments, not his physical love. He felt like crying right there on the spot but didn't for the sake of his reputation even though nobody is there to see.

He called for Rook's to find your whereabouts as he knew what Rook is capable of. Rook obliged with full passion as he ran and found you as fast as an arrow. As he wanted to run, it's very improper for the Pomefiore dorm leader to do so the best he could've done is speed walk. Thankfully, nobody is foolish enough to not leave a walkway as they saw him in a hurry. He was eager to see you despite his straight expression.

When he found you, he called out your name in the usual but still loving tone as what he usually does as he always pours his feelings on you. He puts one of his hands on your shoulder and the other to lift your chin to see his face. His expression screams "I love you" and his tone was incredibly soft-spoken. If any passerby sees this, they're lucky enough to see this rare expression and not get caught as all his attention was on you.

"Darling, I know this is unsuitable for me to act like this while in public areas but I couldn't help but feel very happy when you finally kissed me on the lips. I'm sure you love me but you doing that makes me no longer need to doubt your feelings for me. Now, let's go somewhere more private. I want to pour my feelings on you as well."

If you expect Idia to kiss or even know how to kiss, you're weird. The only things he had ever kissed in his life are his bodypillows, plushies, figures, posters and even embarrassingly his own computer screen when his favorite character said something very nice to him. He doesn't even blame you that you have never kissed him at all because 1)He's a loser 2)Who on Twisted Wonderland in their right mind would kiss this guy out of everyone else?! Both you and Eliza apparently but come on. Yeah, he's aware that you two are in a relationship but please, he can't even smile without scaring the children how would a kiss be better?

When you kiss him, his eyes were so shocked and he did that pose where he puts his clenched fists to his chest in fear and shock. My guy took around 10 minutes to process this and it's not even himself who got him back to reality, it was Cater and Kalim. When his cloud of thought disappeared and looked at the two of them very slowly, he sprinted out of there just like you did but to his room. He shut his door tight and hopped on his bed, covering and screaming in the pillows.

Ortho, who is very concerned as to why his brother is having a spasm on his bed, kept scanning Idia and asking what's wrong. Idia trusts his little brother and spoke to him the entire situation and doesn't know whether to chase you as seeing you again after that is just embarrassing and he doesn't know what to do nor say! The robot kept convincing him to chase you but knowing Idia, once Idia made his mind, it will be almost impossible to change it no matter who you are.

Ortho took this into his own hands and tried to follow you without his brother's knowledge but he knew he wouldn't mind. When he found you, he apologized for his brother not attending and he had to be the replacement.

"(Y/N)! I'm sorry that big brother couldn't make it but I'm just telling you so that you wouldn't get the wrong idea. He likes it but is just too shy to confront you! Follow me, you should come see him in his room!"

Malleus has placed his kisses on you multiple times before but just like Vil, nobody knows about this except the Diasomnia dorm. Nobody is foolish or unloyal to the great Malleus and he knows that so he shouldn't be doubting about telling them about this valuable information. He keeps this lowkey because he knows how much fairies look down on humans, especially non magical ones. Even if you have magic or not, human or a beast, it's still risky if you're telling your relationship if you're from a noble family so he understands why you don't kiss back, just ignore his pouts.

When you do kiss him, his eyes went wide but not for that long, he's not that experienced in feeling loved romantically but he's not gonna die from that kiss. He smirked and chuckled in amusement, you're so brave. Even if you're his lover and just ran away, he still finds it interesting as his past lovers were too scared to hug him first. He shook his head at the sight of you trying to run away.

There's no point in running as you bumped into him while you're running to God knows where. He teleported to your whereabouts, how does he know your exact location you ask? Who knows, probably some fae stuff but that's not the point. He took you into a very secluded area. The forest, to be exact and at the very deep parts too. He stopped and looked at you with an amused expression.

"You kissed and your next move was to run away? Hahah! You're very funny, dear. You must be wondering as to why I'm taking you to these dark parts of the woods but fear not, as I'm not going to punish you or anything of the sort. Instead, I'm going to give you a kiss as well and we have no need to worry about getting caught into the act."

[wordsinwinters]

Then Again, Chapter 7: Implosion at the Pool

Summary: After an intense fight and a forced-to-share-the-bed situation during their junior year decathlon trip, Peter and the Reader examine their faults and failings. As they attempt to fix their mistakes and improve their friendship, that friendship quickly begins to evolve into something else.

Betas: @fanboyswhereare-you and @girl-tips-from-satan

Masterlist (with AO3 links)

Then Again, Chapter 7: Implosion at the Pool

(Word count: 1,580)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29,

I often expect too much, set my sights a little too high. I know this, so I always prepare myself in case nothing goes according to plan.

For example: I had hoped this second annual break-into-the-hotel-pool activity would be easy, that everyone would come willingly, and we would have fun before the tournament tomorrow. Still, I prepared myself for a few bumps. For example, if Peter refused, if the entire thing flopped because everyone was worried about getting enough sleep, or if someone in the hotel caught us and reported it to Mr. Harrington, I was prepared, I had contingency plans. 

Strangely enough, everyone crept out on time and Peter barely hesitated at all. Well, Michelle did force him from the start, heading off his first protest too quickly for him to find another: “Dude, just say you’ve been working out. Nobody’s going to get suspicious because you’re jacked. Even Flash can’t turn that,” she motioned to Peter’s entire body, “into a joke.”

Yet I’m more uneasy now than if everything had gone wrong. I’m not even concerned about getting caught. Mr. Harrington is watching Jurassic Park in his room and checking the hallway at ten-minute intervals and I’m almost certain the hotel staff knows we’re here, but doesn’t care.

Nevertheless, I’m just… anxious.

It might have to do with how the boys are stacked upon one another in the shallow end for Chicken and, given the small area of the pool, injuries are on the table. It might have to do with Flash’s new habit of winking at me and being, in general, insanely obnoxious. It might also have to do with the fact that my friends are being abnormally secretive. (I hate to use Flash’s words, but he’s sort of right. It’s the best description. Even once I got back in my room, MJ and Ned kept sending texts— I have no idea who to, though I would guess between them and Peter.)

Admittedly, my nerves might also be connected to Liz, whose face I can see across the water. As our team captain, Michelle thought it would be nice to Facetime her, ask about college, and show her that her pool idea has become a tradition.

Liz’s dorm room is beautiful, from what I can make out. She has calendars and planners neatly pinned up, Christmas lights outlining them. Photos hang from mini clothespins on a string and she even has a little library set up on her windowsill with a porcelain cat-shaped bookend. It’s like a freaking Pinterest photo. I’ve always been somewhat jealous of her, but I know that outside of our past disagreements and my envy for her style and Peter’s (old? current?) crush on her, I am glad she seems happy. Everyone knows how much she’s been going through.

As Abe and Peter pretend to duke it out on Flash and Ned’s shoulders, the light of Liz from Michelle’s phone skips through the ripples, illuminating them like the sunset against the tide. I keep zoning out and staring at the pattern. I feel weird staying on the other side of the pool with her there, but I don’t know Liz that well outside of the team and truth be told, she always intimidated me. Even before our… fight seems like a strong word, our spat? She just… has things together. Even now, after such a horrible year. She’s wonderful and precise and good in every way a person can be. I feel minuscule by comparison.

Then again, it might be the overwhelming smell of chlorine that’s getting into my head and putting me off. Plus, all the glints of light swimming across the glass walls — making them reflect further like a hall of mirrors — are beginning to strain my eyes. Part of me just wants to sleep. To climb out from the water, change into some pajamas, and go to bed and forget this.

But I can’t. So I tread water alone in the corner, watching and listening and feeling like an idiot for isolating myself.

Does anyone really want me here in the first place?

Stop thinking like that.

I try to listen to Liz’s voice as a distraction. It’s muffled with echo, but it’s audible.

“With my AP scores, a bunch of my gen ed credits are already taken care of. But I want to take my other gen eds seriously. I have Global Ethics, Statistics, and World Journalism on Mondays and Wednesdays, then Into to Biological Chemistry and Public Relations on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

The words bounce from wall to wall, shadowing splashes and voices and little bright doses of laughter from the boys. I close my eyes for three seconds as if to catalog the moment. I have to admit, it’s pretty much perfect.

Then why do I feel so nervous?

In the same way that some days just feel so good, some nights just really, really don’t.

Flash catches my eye. God, here we go. He’s smirking. 

My stomach drops. I don’t think I can handle him right now.

“Hey!” he calls. “Y/N, you should join in! Hold on, let me clear you a spot.”

He jerks his body back to make Abe fall from his shoulders, hitting the water with a hard splash.

“There, now you have a place to sit,” Flash says, patting his own shoulders.

Abe stands up, shaking water from his ears before shoving Flash underwater. Ned laughs as Flash comes back up sputtering. Peter, on Ned’s shoulders, has little reaction. Michelle rolls her eyes and turns back to the girls’ conversation.

“It’s more fun watching, trust me.” Watching Peter shirtless, my brain adds.

Stop thinking about him. Despite his smile this morning (it was idiotic of me to think it meant anything significant), Peter has remained pretty cold to me today. Just like everyone else.

Michelle looks back our way again.

“Actually, yeah. We’ll play,” she decides.

If I had more energy, if I weren’t feeling so despondent, and if it wasn’t her this-is-happening-don’t-argue voice, I might put up a better fight. Instead, I give a quiet defeated groan and make my way over to the shallow end. Sometimes it’s easier to do as she says.

“Michelle in a chicken fight?” Liz laughs, her voice reverberating on all sides of my head. “I can’t wait to see this.”

“Oh, no,” Michelle answers as she shakes her head. “Y/N is up top. I’m not getting involved in that business.”

I sigh and try to ignore the fact my limbs are starting to shake. Just a little. Not enough for anyone to notice. But enough that it reminds me of the first twinges of body aches from a fever.

“Abe, mind if I fight Flash this round?” I ask.

If I have to do this, I want to be against the one person I wouldn’t mind actually fighting.

“I think I’ll sit this one out,” Abe says. “I’m sick of him. Plus, if he has the chance, I know he’ll piss on me.”

Despite my exhaustion, I can’t help laughing a little. It’s definitely true. But if Abe sits out, there’s no chance that Ned or Peter will team up with Flash.

Flash knows this too. Shrugging, he follows Abe away from the center, saying hello to Liz.

Shit.

I climb onto Michelle’s shoulders, the air making me shiver more, my ankles hanging just low enough to stay in the warm water. I stare blankly at the situation. It’s me and Michelle, Peter and Ned. And I’ve barely spoken to them since they all locked me out earlier. I wouldn’t want to disrupt their texting.

I do my best not to tug Michelle’s hair as I steady myself.

Now what?

Everybody else is talking again, Liz included. I’m glad their attention is elsewhere.

Staring at Peter, who’s staring at me, it’s clear neither of us knows what to do. Things have definitely gotten stale and bizarre between us over the last day, and it's gotten worse than I ever thought possible over the last few hours. I feel like an idiot. But I’d be a moron to think it’s all because of some impulsive hug. Something in our friendship is stuttering, I can feel it faltering and falling away.

Abruptly unstable ground— that’s what it is, I realize, staring at him. And everybody has been able to see it coming but me. How else could Flash see it?

Thinking of all the shitty ways Peter has ignored me today, yesterday, and this past week, I shove him with as much force as I can muster, knowing it’ll be nothing to him anyway.

Peter’s legs are over his head a moment later. If it were a real fall, it would have been instant. The rippling disturbance of the water churns up more chlorine fumes. I can feel a headache spreading from the base of my skull.

“Come on, Peter,” I say while he stands and pushes wet hair out of his eyes. “Don’t pretend to let me win.”

“You caught me off guard,” he replies. All of the prior playful attitude he had with Abe is gone. He’s trying — I can actually see him trying — to seem blank.

What is his problem with me?

“No, I didn’t. Don’t lie. Get back up.”

He does. Ned’s expression is unreadable for once. Michelle pats my leg.

Ned and Michelle actually move around this time, both stepping to one side or the other with half steps backward and forward. Peter keeps his hands on his knees, looking bored and glancing from MJ to her phone behind us. He won’t even look at me.

It pisses me off.

Michelle rolls one shoulder before lunging forward: a little hint. I shove Peter again, now resenting how stiff his muscles are beneath his stupid skin. And again he falls sideways, though faster this time.

Flash is whooping and making some stupid comment. Liz gives a surprised, “Oh, wow.” Sally and Cindy are talking, but I can’t tell whether it’s to me or someone else. Peter’s splash is echoing too much to hear a lot at the moment.

He stands up. His hands go to his hair. He looks at me and shrugs like Got me again, I guess.

The chlorine scent is hanging heavily over the room now like a pillow being slowly forced into my face. My headache pulses and creeps up behind my ear, beating my bone like a thick drum.

“Peter,” I say, teeth grinding, “this is going to get boring pretty quickly if you keep this up. Push back. Don’t you dare ‘let me win.’ I’m serious.”

My jaw is clenching as I try to pack my anger down into a little box between my ribs. A pressurized numbness climbs up my throat.

Shove it down.

Peter says nothing in reply but mounts Ned’s shoulders again. Ned is looking at Michelle, and though I can’t see her face, I know they’re having a silent conversation.

I nudge Michelle with my foot and she lunges forward again. I shove Peter’s left shoulder as hard as I can. Both shoulders hit the water at the same time. I know that no matter how hard I could ever hit him, it wouldn’t bother him a bit, yet the fact he’s clearly not even trying to play this one game that he was just playing with Flash and Abe is burning and biting at my tongue.

Peter stands lazily as if silently offering a forfeit.

Maybe he wants to get this game over with so he can talk to Liz.

“Get up, Peter,” I say, frustration spreading like fire through the ligaments of my arms. My irritation has reached my hairline.

Last week, I would never have doubted my friendship with Peter. Suddenly, I’m almost certain he wants nothing to do with me anymore. It scares me. A familiar dense pain pools in my lungs, a physical weight knocking my ribs into one another.

How did everything go so wrong so quickly?

Peter doesn’t move. I could kill him.

“Peter! Get up! Fight back, do something! This isn’t funny anymore. Why won’t you just do something?”

At last, he looks me straight in the eye.

“What?” he shoots back. “What do you want me to do?”

He’s angry now too, blatantly. It’s worse than last night. I can see it, a red patch of irritation growing from his chest up to his neck. Neither of us has ever gotten like this. We’re not the kind of people who do. Not with one another, and certainly not in front of other people.

It’s a violently refreshing change: honesty.

“Anything! Stop messing around,” I say. “Just play the fucking game.”

“Maybe I’m sick of it,” he says, his hands open. “This whole stupid idea! I’m not playing anymore.”

What is he talking about? It’s been barely a minute of this game.

“MJ,” I say, “let me down.”

“Alright.”

She jerks back like Flash did to Abe. The water stings through my nostrils and the lining of my lungs. Is this just MJ being MJ or is she angry at me, too? And what about Ned, could he be mad at me?

What have they all been calling and texting each other about?

I wipe water from my face and open my eyes, stinging.

“Come on, Peter, play a game,” I mock, moving closer to him. He just stands there. “Play a game.”

I’ve been playing some sort of game for at least 24 hours now, maybe over a week, maybe even longer. He can too.

Peter doesn’t move a millimeter. I shove him. Nothing. His expression remains blank. He doesn’t fall, he doesn’t budge.

“Peter!”

I shove him again.

Nothing.

Michelle and Ned are creeping out of the water. Their waves are the only sound besides my echoing shout in the whole room. God, this is bad. I know starting some kind of fight isn’t going to increase my chances of leaving D.C. with any friends, but I almost can’t stop myself. I have to do something.

I move closer, face burning with an itch of fury.

“What?” he says.

Michelle and Ned, blurry reflections I can see from the glass wall behind Peter, have grabbed their towels and are walking through the door.

Damn it. Where are they going?

Something is crushing inside my chest. I can feel my eyes brimming with tears.

Shove. Them. Down. I will not angry cry in front of my classmates right now. Absolutely not. Especially not with Flash and Liz here.

My hands are visibly shaking as I grapple for a reply.

“Just— just do something, Peter!”

The muscles in his jaw are working and pulsing. I wonder what words he’s chewing— of course, I’ll likely never know because it seems Peter is refusing to tell me anything.

“That’s just it!” he shouts back. “What do you want me to do?!”

That something in my chest is spasming, collapsing.

Peter’s chest is heaving and the red has reached his face. His words are fogging up my already pounding head.

That’s just it. What do you want me to do?

There are too many people here and as I notice their reflections standing over Peter’s shoulders with eyes glued to his face and my back, I realize I’ve just lost them too. In only the span of a couple minutes. The understanding hits me over the head and slices through my gut. I’ve ruined everything with everyone here, not just Peter and Ned and Michelle. They’ve never seen me like this and it’s too late to pretend to reverse it. There’s no way I’ll leave this trip with any friends.

It takes every particle of concentration to not let my emotions get the better of me and cry; especially when I’m still staring at Peter. The brown of his eyes seems darker than I’ve ever seen before and his brow is knotted up, hard.

The moment is so still and static.

Without warning, Peter smacks the water in front of me with one hand. It’s like a lukewarm tidal wave washing over my head, tangling my hair across my face.

My nose and lungs burn again. I gasped at the wrong second. In less than a moment though, it’s doused my nerves. I suddenly feel smaller than a child, humiliated.

“Are you kidding?”

I don’t know if he or anyone hears me. The question was quiet and overcome by countless echoing splashes. It’s for the best: nobody can see my chin shaking at this distance so maybe if they didn’t hear the crack in my voice, I can pull myself together.

Guilt and regret seep into my skin as Peter climbs out of the pool. I want to apologize, but apologize for what? And fear, fear is mixing with those other emotions. A mountain of blurred emotions coated in black dread and red fear.

I take a breath and turn around.

Fuck.

Cindy, Sally, Abe, and Flash are just… staring. Worse, Liz is too. Of course, Michelle forgets her phone this one time.

The door closes with a bang behind Peter.

His towel is slung over one shoulder and water droplets spatter across the hallway floor as he storms through it. If I could get over him, if I could stop thinking about him for one day, stop thinking about him for one minute, my heart rate wouldn’t be leaping off the charts as I watch him. Actually, my heart rate might just be a result of me realizing how serious this is. The fact that four faces are still staring, now waiting for me to explode, likely doesn’t help slow it down either.

“Guys,” Liz’s voice calls. “Come on. Don’t make this weird.”

Flash laughs. Hard.

“It’s super weird completely on its own! Man, what was that?”

Tension loosening its hold on the room, Flash is back to himself, looking astonished and amused beyond belief.

“Flash, seriously. Let it be,” Liz snaps at him. When she looks at me, her expression softens. “Don’t let Peter Parker get in your head. He can… be like that sometimes. He might just be going through something.”

I know what he’s like, I think. I’ve been friends with him for longer than one Homecoming date. Liz is trying, at least, and maybe later I’ll appreciate the thought.

“Yeah,” I say, nodding.

She mirrors the motion.

“I should go before my roommate gets back to study. And Y/N, if you ever want to talk, I’d like to hear from you again. From any of you guys. Anyway, good luck everyone! I’m sure tomorrow will be great.”

The room dissolves into Goodbye!’s. I use the distraction to get my towel and phone and slip out.

What have I done?

Next chapter

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[goldencorecrunches]

Hello ur wangningxian fic had me fucking SCREAMING hello hello I was trying to practice driving but I was too busy YELLING anyways amazing job I'm so fucking hyped for pt 5!!!!

YOU’RE SO NICE HELP I KEEP STARING AT THIS MESSAGE ME HEART MELTIN HERE YOU GO HON -- (Part I) (Part II) (Part III) (Part IV)

--

They don't return to the table. It had been a stupid idea anyway, Wen Ning thinks; too serious, too tribunal. Wei Ying doesn't like to talk about it, like he doesn't like to talk about anything that's really fucked him up, but he knows family dinners for him growing up weren't the most comfortable affairs. Instead he and Lan Zhan budge over on the couch, though there's already enough room (there's always enough room, if it's for Wei Ying), and Wei Ying, tripping on his tiptoes the way he does when he's nervous, perches on the L-shaped edge of the cushion. The reflective vest Lan Zhan has bullied him into wearing whenever he goes out night-running dangles off one shoulder, coquetry in neon orange. 

He is too far away. 

Wen Ning extends a leg and prods at Wei Ying with his toes, making Wei Ying yelp, ticklish, and for a moment nearly smile, until Wei Ying gives in to what he clearly wants and scoots up against Wen Ning's side, the third overlapping piece in their tableau. A very wiggly tableau it will be, indeed, now that Wei Ying has joined it. They would not have it any other way. "So you guys kiss now," Wei Ying says, into the hole in the leggings over Wen Ning's thigh. Wen Ning keeps thinking he should fix that, and then forgetting. "How long has that been going on?"

"Just tonight," Wen Ning says, making his tongue go slowly. Behind him Lan Zhan makes a small noise, negative; one of his hands withdraws from Wen Ning's waist and reaches for his phone. They wait while he types, Wen Ning looking at the contrast between Wei Ying's cheek and his own black spandex, Wei Ying staring into the crack where the cushions meet the back of the couch. He seems like he's worn himself out; he curls around Wen Ning's leg like it's a stuffed toy.

It is times like this that Wen Ning is reminded of how much slighter Wei Ying is, than either himself or Lan Zhan. He imagines lifting his leg and carrying Wei Ying up atop it, like a fragile sparrow, hollow-boned, fluffed up against the cold. "Almost nine days," the lady in Lan Zhan's phone says. "When Wen Ning brought you back from the library. Kissed him then. Did not plan it. But." His fingers have stilled; Lan Zhan types with one whole hand, cradling the phone in his other, instead of with his two thumbs like everyone else. It's hopelessly endearing: our little old-fashioned man, Wei Ying calls him, and then tugs at his hair or tweaks his ear. "But you liked it? Mm. Can't blame you for that." Wen Ning can feel the flex of Wei Ying's jaw as he mumbles. A small hum like the vibration of a string starts at the top of Wen Ning's scalp and travels down through his body. The nausea has not left him, or the guilt, but Wen Ning plunges his hands into that hum and lets it fill all his corners. Now that they are speaking, it is better; though they've barely begun. The waiting was the hardest part. It's never as bad as you think it will be, he tells himself. He bites his tongue to get moisture back into his mouth. "We did- we did-, we haven't done anything between then," he says. Lan Zhan's arms tighten around him. Wen Ning leans back against him gratefully. "Um. When we went to that weird cafe with Lan Zhan's brother? That was what we were talking about." Behind him he feels Lan Zhan nod. "I wondered," Wei Ying says. He curls tighter, the movement like a brace before a leap. "Were you going to tell me?" Oh: Wen Ning's lungs have been stolen away. One of Lan Zhan's hands leaves him again, this time to reach out and press down on the top of Wei Ying's head. It's a bad angle; he has to strain, and even so he mostly gets the end of his ponytail. Wei Ying hides his face in the crook of Wen Ning's knee. Wen Ning has to blink rapidly and swallow, twice when the first time isn't enough. He's not sure what he means to say; what comes out is clumsier and more honest than he wants. "I didn't want you to feel left out. I'm sorry." Against his neck, Lan Zhan grunts agreement. He's petting the rough-chopped ends of Wei Ying's hair, the ends sticking up between his knuckles and then smoothing flat again. "Just," Wei Ying says. It's difficult to hear him, pressed as far as he is into Wen Ning's leg, but Wen Ning doesn't imagine he or Lan Zhan are right now giving him anything but their complete intent focus. "You have to tell me if you don't want me around any more, okay? That's rule, ah, rule eighty-nine of being my friend." He laughs, his shoulders twitching. Wen Ning needs to hug him so badly it's rooted his ass to the tasteful cream-colored microfiber. "Okay," he says, chokes on it. "Yeah. D-deal. Definitely want you here though. Right Lan Zhan?" "Mn," Lan Zhan rumbles emphatically. Wei Ying droops. He goes from light upon Wen Ning's knee to hundredweight, sinking like a stone in water. Somehow, Wen Ning manages to curl his leg and reach his arms and get Wei Ying bundled up against them both, his hair splaying out over Wen Ning's throat and his sharp wrists tucked up against Lan Zhan's sternum. He's still laughing, a little, and Wen Ning listens carefully in case the tears he can hear behind them start to spill over. "'S funny," he's saying. Wen Ning slings an arm over his him and wraps even closer. "I thought, hah, I thought out of all of us it would be me who would fuck up and accidentally kiss someone, but wow, Lan Zhan! Who knew you had it in you!" His body can't seem to decide whether it wants to tremble or to sag. It tries to do both, with different parts. Wen Ning looks up from under his eyelashes to see how Lan Zhan reacts to Wei Ying's implication that he'd kiss him, and sees Lan Zhan staring solemnly back at him, the same emotion reflected. He frowns and reaches to set Lan Zhan's hand on Wei Ying's hip where his has been. Lan Zhan resists him. "Like, you guys are my best friends, you know? My best friends, and I've told you this but I mean it, and if you two want to go off and kiss I'm really really happy to let you do that I don't want to get in the way and make you not want to be around me any more because I'm--" Lan Zhan is trying to communicate something to Wen Ning with a frustrated glare and the minute tilt of his chin. Wen Ning has an inkling what it is, and staunchly ignores him, because despite the warm-butter feeling spreading over him Lan Zhan is wrong. "--and I was like, to myself, what if it doesn't break everything? But obviously that's absurd, I always break everything, and--" "Wei Ying," Wen Ning says, in desperation, as Lan Zhan gives up all pretence of fighting fair and begins attempting to shove Wei Ying completely into Wen Ning's lap. He knows Wen Ning won't try to pull away when Wei Ying needs to be held, the bastard. "If you, when you, you, you, you-- kiss Lan Zhan! Please! He wants you to!" It is an uncomfortable position to be frozen in, for the beats that follow. Wei Ying's elbow is digging into the soft part under Wen Ning's ribs, and Lan Zhan's ankle is somehow twisted underneath them all. There's a heavy thud from the apartment above; as the three of them clutch at each other and stare, barely breathing, they hear harried footsteps and the muffled tones of a child being scolded. "Ooh, someone's in trouble," Wei Ying says. And then: "Wait, no. I meant. What?" Lan Zhan is glowering in abject betrayal at the wall over Wen Ning's right shoulder. His ears are slowly turning pink. "Hhhn," Wei Ying says, like a untied rubber balloon, and then-- frantically, scrambling over their tangled legs-- It is not that Wen Ning isn't jealous of what they have, Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. It is rather, to be witness to so wonderful a thing feels like a privilege. When Lan Zhan's hands come up to frame Wei Ying's face, when Wei Ying's lips part, it is more than beautiful; it is necessary. Wen Ning can feel himself grinning, wide and goofy, even as he loses feeling in his calves. It's just-- it's been such a long time, and he's-- he's happy for them. He's so happy. He's...crying? "Oh," Wei Ying says, "Oh, oh, oh," and twists in a violent motion, and Wen Ning is, for the third time in his most immediate history, completely blindsided by the knowledge of a mouth over his own. I haven't brushed my teeth, he thinks, which is a nonsense thing to think, because he did brush his teeth this morning, of course, and he hasn't even started getting ready for bed yet, and also, he had Lan Zhan's tongue in his mouth not even an hour ago, and he had Lan Zhan's tongue in his mouth and now he has Wei Ying's-- He becomes dimly aware that Lan Zhan is stroking his arm, where it's curved to trap Wei Ying flush against his chest. Wen Ning makes the executive decision to panic about this later. There are too many things happening right now to keep track of freaking out. For example: the discovery that brushing the tips of his fingers over the soft skin behind Wei Ying's ear makes him gasp and shudder all over. "Lan Zhan," Wen Ning says, amazed. It's too momentous a thing to keep to himself. "Look." He does it again, and they both watch Wei Ying's eyelids flutter. It feels like there's a volcano under his skin. "M-maybe we should stop and talk ab, about this like adults," he says. It comes out breathless. He does not want to stop and talk about this like adults. "Nonononononono," Wei Ying says, hands shooting out to fasten on their shoulders. "We did talking, now is kissing, can we do more of the kissing? I like kissing. I like kissing you. Both. Both of you." His face screws up. "You might have a point. I think I might pass out? But in a good way?" Lan Zhan looks deeply alarmed. He and Wen Ning maneuver Wei Ying so he has his head between his knees, their hands meeting over the bony seam of his spine. Lan Zhan squeezes Wen Ning's fingers. The volcano turns into a horde of extremely peppy wind-up toys. Or maybe this is what butterflies feel like? "Running," Lan Zhan says, gathering the strands of Wei Ying's hair back from his face. It takes Wen Ning a moment to understand; in his defense, he's fairly certain his brain has been forcibly disconnected. "Right, um, electrolytes. And sugar." He peels himself away (Wei Ying makes a pathetic noise, which twinges at Wen Ning's heart, but he's in good hands) and nearly faceplants on the edge of the rug as pins and needles shoot up his legs. Because Lan Zhan is a good and righteous man, he has the kind of orange juice that's full-sugar, and without bits. Wen Ning pours them all glasses just to be on the safe side, and also takes the opportunity to stick his head in the freezer and think thoughts that are not about confirming his love for his two closest friends via double fellatio. When he returns Wei Ying is sitting upright, Lan Zhan's arm around him. He refuses to drink until Wen Ning is cuddled up with them. See, Wen Ning's therapist says, as he tucks himself against the long line of Lan Zhan's body, Lan Zhan's eyebrows knitted as he rewinds the movie back to the beginning of the scene the left off on. Wei Ying slaps indiscriminately across the limbs within reach when Lan Zhan reaches the right spot; he makes the whole couch rock, and Wen Ning thinks he might burst, from loving them. Not as bad as you thought, at all. So much better.

[semper-legens]

22. Betrayed, by PC and Kristin Cast

Owned: No, library Page count: 375 My summary: Zoey’s second month at the House of Night is off to a rocky start. She’s seeing dead fledgelings, three different guys are interested in her, and she has no idea how to reform the Dark Daughters to make them a force for good. But when her ex-boyfriend Heath is kidnapped, she stumbles across some darker secrets. What is Neferet hiding from her? And what is Nyx’s plan for her? My rating: 0/5 My commentary:

Okay. So. I have no excuse for this one. I said I wouldn't continue with the House of Night series, and yet here I am, having read the second one. I can't really explain why this series holds such a fascination for me. Part of it, I'm sure, is the fact that I read and, from what I remember, enjoyed them as a teen. Part of it is because I can revel in the awful writing with the knowledge that, unlike Twilight, this series didn't have much of a cultural impact and wasn't as genuinely damaging. Part of it is that these books are so gleefully bad, it brings me joy. And thus, without further ado, I present the House of Night book two - Zoey Is Even More Of A Hypocrite.

And jeez, Zoey is even more the special little princess in this book. She's been at the House of Night for about a month when this book opens, but she's doubly special from the last one - her Mark is filled out and added to, something unheard of for even adult vamps. She's Nyx's chosen, has an also-unheard-of affinity for all the elements, and she's in charge of the school's elite Dark Daughters. The last book had the MO of Zoey dethroning the head bitchy girl Aphrodite - the Casts seem to want to characterise Zoey by contrast to the other women in her life, she's either Better Than Them and they fawn over her, or Better Than Them and they hate her. This time, we need to escalate both Zoey's specialness and dominion over bitches, so her target is the head of the school and High Priestess of Nyx, Neferet. Who is up to some shady stuff, having turned dying vampyres into evil vampyres (more on that later) and completely side-lining both Zoey and Aphrodite.

The problem is that like...Neferet is not allowed to have more than one character trait, so she just turns around to being Pure Evil on a dime, and Zoey is a near-helpless victim only saved by her specialness. The problem with Zoey is that her specialness is never actually justified? She doesn't really do anything throughout this book, and didn't do anything in the last one, everything just comes naturally to her because she's Nyx's chosen, which doesn't make for interesting reading. But also, if Nyx is an active force, Neferet's meant to be her High Priestess, why can't she do something about Neferet? Why does Zoey need to be involved? Zoey is just. So boring. But more than that, she's still judgemental about everyone around her, even when she's doing the same things she admonishes them for. She talks about girls with more than one boyfriend being 'hos' even though she's seeing three guys, and she's constantly horny. And the narrative never really treats her like she's wrong for these opinions. No matter what, Zoey is always in the right, even when she's doubting herself. Which does not a good protagonist make.

Because this series is so poorly written. Every character has all of one trait - Damien is Gay, the Twins are in sync, Stevie Rae is supportive, Neferet and Aphrodite are bitches. If characters like Zoey, they are heroic, if not, they are villainous. Zoey judges everyone based on criteria that make no sense and are rooted in misogyny. All characters of colour are described via their skin tone looking like food. Zoey makes a big deal out of how accepting she is of Damien, but the narrative just characterises him as stereotypically gay (he judges people on their fashion and drools over men) and constantly makes out like he's more feminine for being gay. At one point a hot man (I'll get to that) talks to Zoey, and she's freaking out over his hotness, but the narrative does not describe him at all, which is just confusing. Zoey has magical convenient intuition which means she's right about everything at all times. The first half of the book is recapping the previous, and characters often speak in clumsy exposition. Everything centres around Zoey, to the point that when Stevie Rae 'dies', all Zoey's friends are consoling her and apparently have no or lesser grief despite having known Stevie Rae far longer. It's just...ugh.

And we've got a love triangle! Well, it's more like a love...square? Zoey has three romantic interests - Heath, her mortal boyfriend and now ex who has imprinted on her through blood drinking; Erik, aka Sir Barely Appearing In This Book, who apparently is her steady boyfriend despite their relationship taking place mostly offscreen; and Loren, a teacher at the school who displays an interest from this book on. But it's okay, because Zoey's so grown up and mature for her age and she's not a slut who lead him on, the love she has for him is pure! God, give me a break. This is vile. Loren makes a pass at her, then starts leaving her love poems and calling her his muse, which is gross and should get him fired, but doesn't because the Casts seem to think that abuses of power are hot. The sexual politics of this book are a rabbit warren of awfulness. Zoey's constantly slutshaming other girls, but has three romantic interests that she actively pursues, basically cheating on Erik with Heath and continuing to respond to Loren's advances. (Yeah, I know in the real world she'd be seen as a victim of abuse or grooming here, but the book acts like it's a consensual relationship, so that's the framework I'm going with.) The difference between her and Aphrodite seems to be that Zoey doesn't have sex, but she's always horny so there's this weird Puritanical thing going on that is, honestly, a minefield.

Final note - I know I bang on about this, but why is this book even about vampires? Zoey's connection to Nyx, described as a triple goddess, is far more of a witchy thing. The elements and rituals (as well as the focus on Zoey's Cherokee heritage as part of her uniqueness and authenticity) are all from neo-Pagan witchcraft. The only vampiric thing is the immortality, beauty, and the blood link between Zoey and Heath. Well. It appears that when vampyres die after rejecting the Change, Neferet can bring them back through as-yet-unknown means, and they then become the more classic image of vampires. Which could be an interesting bit of worldbuilding (having different types of vampires running around, I mean) but for the fact that they seem to be split into Good Vampyres and Tragic/Evil Vampyres, because this series is black and white in its morality over everything else.

Next up, I attempt to recapture the experience of reading The Night Circus for the first time, with another book about the circus!

[mikasaessucasaa]

Title: do you get deja vu?

Summary: Peter saves the world, but Michelle never remembers him.

@i-lovethatforme I 100% wrote this because I am still traumatized by THAT scene

PART 1 ... PART 4 – PART 5

Felicia and Michelle are home. Peter can hear their quiet giggles and there's maybe a moan. He doesn't want to think about what they're up to, and he really doesn’t want to be there. But he’s crazy tired. He hasn’t been home in days, and he’s mentally and physically beat up. He's been fighting crime and sleeping at the 24h library instead of at home. The librarians think he's homeless.

Without Michelle he practically is.

The door slams shut before he can walk back out.

“Babe, where are you going?” he hears Felicia ask through the walls of Michelle's room.

“Chill. I just want to say hi. I haven’t seen him in a couple days, and he hasn’t been responding to my texts.”

He hears Felicia groan, and Michelle comes out of her bedroom as she’s putting on a shirt. Even in his tiredness he can't help but take a look at her long legs. He's too tired to stop himself from remembering what they felt like wrapped around him.

She catches him staring. She always does.

“Peter, hey! Are you okay?” she says anyways, with more energy and kindness than he would ever be able to muster. Michelle is amazing.

“Fine.”

“Exams?” She asks, but there’s a look on her face like she’s not going to believe him regardless of what he says. If she’s the Michelle that he fell in love with, and he knows she is, she’s already figured out his tells and the fact that midterms for the engineering students ended two weeks ago.

“Yup,” he says anyways, obnoxiously and with a pop to his p.

“Cool. That’s cool." It's not. It's the furthest thing from cool. He hates lying to her, hates that she can never know the truth. "Anyways, glad to see you’re surviving. There’s leftover pizza from our dinner if you want.” She gives an awkward little wave before she goes back inside her room. Does she know she picked that up from him?

He rushes to his room, desperate to find his noise cancelling headphones so he can pass the fuck out or at least pretend he can’t hear them through their shared wall.

He’s changing out of his clothes and about to climb into bed when he hears Michelle say sternly, “Stop it, Felicia.”

He sits on top of his covers at the end of his bed, knowing he should stop listening. It's none of his business. Felicia made sure that it wasn't.

“Come on MJ, we don’t have to stop because your roommate is a clam jammer.”

He can practically hear Michelle rolling her eyes. She loves lame jokes like that.

“It’s just weird. His room is right there and our walls are so thin.”

“So what?”

Michelle sighs, she's getting exasperated now. “So what? I don’t want to be a jerk.”

“Why? ‘Cause you like Peter?” Felicia sounds like she’s between teasing her and actually getting annoyed.

“What? No! Why would I like him? Are you twelve?”

What’s left of his heart is pulverized into powder. He should just go to bed before his soul is pounded into dust too.

“He likes you, you know.”

“Yeah, I mean, he’s always staring, of course I know.”

And he’s tried to stop, he has. But his eyes are always tracking where she is. He can’t help it. He loves her.

“Might as well give him a little show then.”

His heart is lodged in his throat, he thinks he might puke it out.

“Stop it Fel, I don’t like this.”

Peter is two seconds from breaking into Michelle’s room and forcing them apart. He tries to calm himself down. She doesn’t know him. She’s not his. She’s not anybody’s. She can take care of herself. He cannot just go around acting like he loves her.

It’s not fucking working.

“Come on Kitty, don’t be a prude.”

He hears rustling. He really, really needs to stop listening.

“A prude?" Her voice is rising, into that panicky angry voice that she has when she's upset. "What the hell? Is that what you’re going to call me every time I don’t want to do something with you?”

“MJ, it’s not like that.” Felicia scoffs, and he’s done it enough times to know it’s the wrong thing to do.

“Then why did you say it?” Michelle huffs, her temper is reaching her limit. “Look, I’m not in the mood anymore. Maybe you should just go home.”

“Are you serious?” Felicia’s voice is getting high pitched, and she’s talking faster. “I’m leaving tomorrow for two weeks. We should talk about this.”

“Later.”

“Michelle,” Felicia’s pleading now. No response. He hears Felicia jumping out of Michelle's bed.

“This is what you always do!" Felicia's voice rapidly shifts to angry. "You just freaking shut down. And you wonder why it’s so freaking hard to love you.” It’s a low blow, but Michelle doesn’t rise to it. And she shouldn’t. Michelle is incredibly easy to love, but for some reason she doesn’t think so. “Fine. Whatever. If this is how you’re always going to be, don’t bother calling me while I’m in Chicago.”

He hears her bedroom door slamming and then the front door. He waits a moment before knocking on Michelle’s door.

“Hey, I heard yelling. Are you okay?”

“Just leave me alone Parker,” she mutters through the door. It’s quiet enough that he might have missed it if he didn’t have super hearing. Then the quiet crying started.

He’s never hated anyone before, beyond himself for being a dumbass and ruining what he had with Michelle, but he thinks he might hate Felicia for hurting Michelle like this.

He leans against the door and slides to the ground. He’ll have to get up sometime; she’ll eventually fall asleep and wake up to get ready. But he thinks maybe this is one of those times where you just have to stay down.

PART 6

[wolfstar-supremacy-innit]

"Tell who?"- Part 2

Remus smiled into his pillow. Why’s he so cute? He felt something rustle under his stomach. Reaching under himself, he pulled out a wrinkled piece of parchment. His resolutions list. Remus flipped onto his back and squinted at the letters. Warmth was pooling in his chest. Something is missing here. He patted the bed in search for his quill and ink, then wrote:

5. Fuck this I wanna tell him I love him

The paper slipped to the floor as Remus’ arms gave out and he drifted into an instantaneous, profound sleep.

Alternatively:

The Marauders are in their 6th year at Hogwarts, it's New Year's Eve and Remus writes a New Year's resolutions list. Sirius finds it the next day. The story is written from Remus' point of view. It's wolfstar and lighthearted. Kinda inspired by this fanfic.

This is part 2 of the story. I will be posting the other parts separately here and also the full fic on ao3 (I will link everything when it's done, check this post for that in some time). Warnings: underage drinking and smoking, mentions of anxiety disorder.

Part 1 Part 3

Enjoy! :)

“Moony! Get up, mate!” Like it was that easy. He couldn’t even get himself to pry his eyes open. It was James that woke him. “Come on, mate. We gotta show up at breakfast, so nobody gets suspicious.” Remus groaned and turned onto his back. A dreadful headache split his forehead.

“Ugh, fuck me.”

“Not right now, Moony. We gotta dash.” He could practically feel James’ stupid grin.

“Fine, fine. I’m getting up.” He blinked his eyes open, pushing onto his elbows, then slowly sat up. The throb in his temples was menacing. He got up gingerly. No nausea. Good. Picking out clean clothes from his neatly organised wardrobe, he headed for the bathroom. “Pete and I should probably go as soon as possible. Will you be alright to bring him down to the Great Hall,” he heard James question as he shut the door.

The shower did wonders to Remus’ hangover. It diminished his headache and helped clear his vision. It also felt nice to be in clean clothes, even though it was devastating having to take Sirius’ shirt off. But letting himself feel his emotions was no more, so he pushed down that thought. Remus walked back into the dorm, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. Lifting his gaze, he noticed Sirius leaning against his bedpost with one ankle crossed over the other. His lips were pulled in a small smile. Their eyes connected.

“Tell who?”

Remus’ stare fell on the yellow paper in Sirius’ hand and the realisation hit him momentarily. His heart dropped all the way to the floor. Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no... His mouth was utterly dry. Fear and panic washed over him like a thousand giant ocean waves coming down at once. ‘I wanna tell him I love him,’ he had written. Holy fucking fuck, he thought, Sirius knows I like a boy. There was a deafening, high pitched ringing in his ears.

“M-my dad... I never tell him that.” He was grasping at straws.

“Remus, come on,” Sirius huffed out a short laugh as he pushed himself off the board. He was shooting Remus this terribly meaningful look, and Remus begged the ground to crack open and claim him.

“I...“ Then before much further thinking, Remus turned on his heel and darted out the room and down the stairs as Sirius called out his name.

Fucked. He was so fucked. Idiot. Imbecile. How could he have written that and then just left it lying around?! Idiot. He smacked his forehead as he rounded a corner, then scuttled down the hallway. He was headed for his favourite hiding spot- a cosy alcove in the wall behind a tapestry on the fourth floor. Settling on the stone ground, Remus went through his breathing exercises. It wasn’t the first time he’d had an anxiety attack, except it was usually something associated with his lycanthropy. Shit, thank Merlin I didn’t write his name. He exhaled a shaky breath. It could have been worse, at least. He’s never drinking again, he concluded. Well, Sirius knew Remus liked boys. A boy. That was that. He rested his head on the wall behind him and closed his eyes. He stayed like that for a while, just breathing.

“Moony,” a voice called behind the tapestry. It was Sirius. Remus’ heart rate spiked again. “Stop freaking out, mate.”

“I can’t,” Remus replied.

“Can I come in?”

“Okay.”

Sirius pulled back the tapestry and gracefully climbed inside. He was clutching the map. He sat opposite Remus and drew his knees to his chest so they could both fit in the alcove. Remus was looking at the ground.

“Here, I brought you a sandwich. You skipped breakfast. Can’t imagine it helped your hangover.”

Remus took it without looking up. “Thanks.”

After a moment, Sirius started: “This is because it’s a him, right?”

“Well...” Remus cleared his throat. It’s also kinda because it’s you. “Yeah.”

“And what? You think I wouldn’t be okay with that?” Silence. “I don’t care about stuff like that, you idiot.” Sirius’ voice was incredibly soft and comforting. Remus finally looked at him. He shook his head and buried his face in his knees.

“Christ. Of course you don’t. It’s just... It’s a big deal for me. Nobody knows.”

“That’s alright, Moony, I get it. It’s all good with me." He paused. "So, are you... if you don’t mind me asking...” Remus drew his head back up. Sirius was asking if he was gay.

“I have no idea what I am, honestly. This has never happened before. Then again, it hasn’t happened with a girl, either.”

“Well, that’s fine. You have your whole life to figure it out.” Sirius flashed him a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah.” Remus’ lips curved as well.

After a few beats of silence, Sirius continued: “Moony in love... Blimey, this bloke must be something else, eh?” Yup.

“Well, I don’t know about love... I was pretty pissed last night when I wrote that.”

Sirius chuckled, throwing his head back. “Right. So... Does he fancy you back, d’you reckon?”

Remus couldn’t suppress the panicked short laugh that escaped his mouth. “No.” Sirius liking him back? What a joke.

“Well, how do you know? He doesn’t even know you fancy him, it seems.”

“Nope, and I hope it stays that way until the end of time.”

“Merlin, who is this lad anyway?”

“I’m not telling you!” Remus’ cheeks were flaming. There wasn’t a force in the world that could have made him look Sirius in the eye. This was a little too close for comfort.

“Hah, fine. One step at a time.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Their ankles were touching. Remus pushed down his feelings of affection with all the mental strength he could gather.

“Um, could you not tell Wormtail and Prongs, please? I’m just not ready for people to know.”

“Of course, mate. You know you can talk to me about it, though?” His expression was soft and understanding.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Brilliant. Okay then.” Sirius pushed himself up and dusted off his trousers. “Should we get out of here? This is definitely a secret snogging spot.” He offered a hand to Remus and pulled him to stand as well.

“Please don’t taint the aura of my favourite hideout, Padfoot.”

This is why Remus liked Sirius so much. Of course, he was strikingly good-looking and cool as hell, but Remus liked his personality more. Sirius was a troublemaker and joked around with everyone, but when it came to moments like this, he was an incredible and supportive friend. Never short on advice (even if it was questionable a lot of the time). He never hesitated to go above and beyond for the people he loved. These were also the reasons why Remus reckoned he’d had a crush on his best friend for much longer than 4 months. Sirius’ looks just made it crystal clear, but Remus had been falling for him for years. Maybe love wasn’t such a strong word after all...

On the way back to their dormitory, Sirius asked: “Is it that Ravenclaw guy you study with at the library? What’s his face? Oliver?”

An obvious choice, but wrong. “Shut up,” Remus said, looking straight ahead, but the corners of his mouth lifted.

“Okay.” Sirius put his hands up, smiling. “Not Oliver, then.”

Sirius kept prodding him like that every once in a while for the following two weeks. Sometimes he would point at a random bloke in the hall and ask if that was Remus’ mystery crush. It made Remus laugh. Generally, it didn’t bother him at all and even became rather amusing. It grew into a sort of an inside joke between them.

They were sitting side by side at dinner one evening after all the students had returned from the holidays. Sirius was in his curious, mischievous mood.

“Oh! The- the muggle kid we hung out with last Christmas? When we were at James’,” he tried.

“Hah, no,” Remus answered, “I saw him like twice.” Sirius huffed.

“Is it somebody from home, then? Somebody I don’t know?”

Remus could’ve lied. He could’ve lied so easily. Still, he decided against it, given how dreadful he was at keeping life-changing secrets. He shook his head, looking at his plate. Sirius leaned so close to him, their shoulders touched. He all but started bouncing in his seat.

“So it is someone from Hogwarts!” Remus didn’t bring himself to answer. Instead, he shoved a particularly packed fork into his mouth. They were silent for a few moments, then: “Is it Snivellus?”

“Yuck, Sirius!” Remus shoved his shoulder as they both laughed.

“So, why don’t you just tell this bloke of yours, then?”

“Ha. Because he’s straight.”

“Oh, bummer. Sorry, Moony.”

Remus wanted to bang his head on the table. If only Sirius knew he was apologising for himself being straight. “It is how it is.”

Back in their dorm, a parcel was sitting on Sirius’ bed. “Padfoot, something arrived for you earlier. I paid the owl,” James explained.

“Oh, yes! They arrived! Cheers, mate.” Sirius leapt onto his bed and started tearing the paper. “What is it,” James asked, leaning closer to Sirius’ bed and peering at the package. Remus and Peter were doing the same. “My rings,” he exclaimed, sliding a silver loop onto his finger. He placed one on his ring finger, one on his thumb and two on his index finger, then stretched out his arm to examine his hand. They were all different shapes.

“Wicked,” James blurted out.

“Yeah, wicked,” Peter repeated. Remus could just sit and gawk like his mouth was sewn shut. What the fuck, Remus thought. He’s trying to kill me. It was hot. It was hot. Like his hands could get any sexier.

“Don’t worry, Moony, it’s not real silver,” Sirius said with the biggest grin on his face. Remus could just nod, swallowing thickly. Yeah, that was a good excuse for why he was baffled.

Sirius wore his rings everywhere. To class, to every meal, sneaking around the castle at night to arrange their next prank. And Remus loved it. After the initial bewilderment subsided, he adored looking at them. However, it didn’t help reduce his massive fucking crush on Sirius. Quite the opposite, as a matter of fact. Girls would come up to Sirius at lunch to tell him ‘his rings look amazing’, and Remus would almost start growling. It was a bit of a problem. He needed to repeatedly tell his brain to shut up in these moments.

***

Sirius was running out of ideas for who Remus' infamous crush could be. Remus was a bit concerned he would actually figure it out. However, Sirius just started bringing it up less and less. It seemed like the entire thing was blowing over and Remus was getting away with it.

They were sitting on James’ bed, leaned over the map. There was nobody else in the dorm. Their bodies were close together, Remus’ right shoulder behind Sirius’ left.

“Good old Prongsy,” Sirius said. James’ dot on the map was in the hallway outside the Great Hall. Lilly’s dot was right next to it. “He’s probably making an idiot of himself again. Poor lad’s gonna get himself hexed.” Remus laughed.

“I admire him,” Remus said, “I would have died from embarrassment by now.”

“Oh, have you seen it?!” Sirius suddenly turned to look at him, their noses almost brushed. Remus’ heart skipped a beat.

“Seen what?”

“The abomination James made for Evans for Valentine’s day!”

“For Valentine’s? But it’s January,” Remus said as Sirius opened the drawer of James’ bedside table and reached inside. He pulled out a wooden cube that fit in the palm of his hand.

“It opens on my voice for now. Later he’ll change it to activate when Evans says ‘James’.” In that moment the top of the box popped open and the sides fell to reveal a petit yellow bird figurine. Just as Remus thought: Oh, this is cute, a blearing sound spread through the room. “Evans,” the bird boomed in James’ voice, “go on a date with me this Hogsmeade weekend!” Remus grimaced at the volume of the noise.

“My idea to make it loud,” Sirius said with a proud grin.

“Oh, why did you help him with it?!” Remus started laughing.

“He’s gonna transfigure it into a real bird and make it sit oh her shoulder giving her compliments the whole day. I haven’t decided whether I’m gonna let him go through with it. Reckon it might be worth it to see the look on Evans’ face.”

“This is bad.” Remus couldn’t stop sniggering. “This is so bad.”

“The lad has no shame. Maybe you could make one for your mystery man. I bet it would change his views,” Sirius joked. He was being incredibly charming. Remus couldn’t help it. When you’re not supposed to look at something, it’s all your eyes want to do. He dropped his gaze to Sirius’ flawless lips. It wasn’t discreet at all. Remus realised he was leaning towards him, smiling stupidly. Sirius’ eyes flickered between Remus’ as realisation flashed across his expression. He drew back a little. “Oh,” was all he said. Remus’ smile dropped suddenly as he pulled back as well.

“Me?”

Remus’ heart was thumping in his ears. It kind of felt like his soul was leaving his body. No, actually, he was sure his soul was leaving his body. Suddenly, he scrambled off the bed frantically, saying: “Fuck, sorry,” then crossed the room in three large, quick steps and bolted out the door. “Moony,” he heard the dim and distant shout. Deja vu. Only this time he’d had enough sense to grab the map.

Part 1 Part 3

[wellhalesbells]

✨✨ TOP FIVES FOR 2020 ✨✨

2020 was, i think we can all agree, a massively chaotic year but i have never consumed as much media before in my life, so i thought others might benefit from my slothery uh, connoisseur.... ship?  yes, that.  below are the books, comics, shows, and movies that got me through!

B O O K S .

the starless sea, by erin morgenstern - i loooove this book because it loves me back.  it says: ‘oh, you’re a reader, well i have just the thing for you.’  it luxuriates in language and story and riddles and fairy tales and it feels like an entire library in a single tome.

they never learn, by layne fargo - oh fuuuuuck, this was satisfying.  i thought it might feel a little exploitative as it is very aware of the zeitgeist and likely would not exist without the #metoo movement but it never ever did.  this was a fucking ROMP, period.  reading about a woman getting away with murdering skeezy guy after rapey guy after shitty human just made me happier and happier.

moonflower murders, by anthony horowitz - this is the second in the susan ryeland series (and the first was hardcore good fun too) and really feels very classic mystery with the artful twist of catering to the literary community.  mainly because: susan isn’t a detective, she’s an editor and she gets drafted in this time because the clue to what happened to a missing woman is in a book she edited, if she can find it.  both of the books in this series have such an excellent coming together moment that is rare af to find.

the invisible life of addie larue, by v.e. schwab - the writing in this is just so good.  it has that feel to me where i just want to drop the book and open up my own page and let my fingers fly.  it’s that inspiring kind of writing that reminds you of all the things language can do.

crown of feathers/heart of flames, by nicki pau preto - aaahhh, this series is SO FREAKING GOOD!  why is there not more of a fandom for it, why???? it is so many of my favorite tropes all resting perfectly together to the point where you almost forget they’re tropes because they just so naturally evolved there.  ugh, it’s just.... it’s so heart-bursty good.

.... number 5, part 2?  raybearer, by jordan ifueko - this was just so original and i was invested af.  like, what a brilliant idea though and an even better execution??  i loved every character and am so looking forward to the next in the series so i can get to know them even better!!

honorable mentions (sh*t i still liked a whole heckuva lot): you/hidden bodies, by caroline kepnes // writers & lovers, by lily king // i’ll be gone in the dark, by michelle mcnamara // the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, by joseph fink & jeffrey cranor // girl, serpent, thorn, by melissa bashardoust // a little life, by hanya yanagihara // the guinevere deception, by kiersten white // obsidio (and the entire illuminae series), by amie kaufman & jay kristoff // the bone houses, by emily lloyd-jones // house of salt and sorrows, by erin a. craig // we hunt the flame, by hafsah faizal // savage legion, by matt wallace // blacktop wasteland, by s.a. cosby // crier’s war, by nina varela // the empress of salt and fortune/when the tiger came down the mountain, by nghi vo // upright women wanted, by sarah gailey // the monster of elendhaven, by jennifer giesbrecht // a deadly education, by naomi novik // you let me in, by camilla bruce // when you ask me where i’m going, by jasmin kaur // the lights go out in lychford/last stand in lychford (and the entire lychford series), by paul cornell // the devil and the dark water, by stuart turton // serpent & dove, by shelby mahurin // one by one, by ruth ware // ruthless gods (this was SUCH an upshot from the first book - it’s worth sticking with if you’re on the fence), by emily a. duncan // cemetery boys, by aiden thomas // the inheritance games, by jennifer lynn barnes // the fortunate ones (2021 release), by ed tarkington

C O M I C S .

cosmoknights, by hannah templer - the art was gorgeous, the gayness was glorious, and just.... hot HOOOOOOOOT lady knights in space?!  a princess winning her own hand?  find something not to love in there, i dare you.

don’t go without me, by rosemary valero-o’connell - wow. wow wow wow wow wow.  the writing was stunning, so lyrical and atmospheric and deep, and rosemary has to be one of my favorite artists but even that managed to come as a beautiful surprise because it was just so freaking bold.

through the woods, by emily carroll - i loooove emily carroll, the convergence of spine-tingling horror and art that feeds into it, that is both visually and aesthetically pleasing, is hard to beat!  p.s. i also read beneath the dead oak tree from her this year and it was also a BANGER.

the impending blindness of billie scott, by zoe thorogood - zoe is someone that i just want to follow.  she’s just starting and i want to be there for every single step.  i love her art style and her ability to tell a story with it.

above the clouds, by melissa pagluica - this was so unique, and such a baller concept, as nearly half the entire book is conveyed only through the art and yet you’re never once lost, never once confused as to what any character is thinking or feeling.  it’s a story within a story and only one of those gets words though they both are chock full of emotion!

um.... number 5, part 2? crowded, by christopher sebela - everything about this series is fun af.  crowd-funded assassination and a hirable bodyguard who’s rated like an uber driver???  and the chemistry between the two mains is so great and gay!!

honorable mentions: monster and the beast, by renji // long exposure, by kam ‘mars’ heyward // fence, by c.s. pacat // invisible kingdom, by g. willow wilson // ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson // heathen, by natasha alterici // not drunk enough, by tess stone // giant days, by john allison // die, by kieron gillen // be prepared, by vera brosgol // ascender (sequel to descender, which is also great), by jeff lemire // the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north // bang! bang! boom!, by melanie schoen // gideon falls, by jeff lemire // life of melody, by mari costa // cry wolf girl, by ariel slamet ries // the tea dragon society, by katie o’neill // ptsd, by guillaume singelin // heartstopper, by alice oseman // solutions and other problems, by allie brosh // finding home, by hari conner // the magic fish, by trung le nguyen // something is killing the children, by james tynion iv // the weight of them, by noelle stevenson // spill zone, by scott westerfeld // skyward, by joe henderson // miles morales, by saladin ahmed

F I L M S.

parasite, dir. bong joon ho - oh it was satisfying, oh it was suspenseful, oh i had to watch some of it through my fingers but i loooooooved it.  such a good story and so well made.

knives out, dir. rian johnson - okay, everything about this movie was amazing.  every single character was fun as hell and i could’ve watched an entire movie about each of them.  what a great fucking mystery!

blindspotting, dir. carlos lopez estrada -  this made my heart hurt so damn much.  what glorious writing, acting, and story!

portrait of a lady on fire, dir. celine sciamma - gooooorgeous cinematography, amazing chemistry, and such a soft, atmospheric film.

the farewell, dir. lulu wang - i cried and my heart felt so full and i love it so so much.

um.... number 5, part 2? someone great, dir. jennifer kaytin robinson - no part of me expected to love a netflix movie this much but it’s a love story that doesn’t get told that often??  the end of a relationship and the true love of friendship and i love these girls and i love jenny and nate’s broken relationship.

honorable mentions: eighth grade, dir. bo burnham // booksmart, dir. olivia wilde // midsommar, dir. ari aster // the curse of la llorona, dir. michael chaves // the secret life of pets 2, dirs. chris renaud & jonathan del val // jojo rabbit, dir. taika waititi // the invisible man, dir. leigh whannell // the favourite, dir. yorgos lanthimos // can you ever forgive me?, dir. marielle heller // troop zero, dirs. bert & bertie // ready or not, dirs. matt bettinelli-olpin & tyler gillett // brave, dirs. mark andrews & brenda chapman & steve purcell // the half of it, dir. alice wu // palm springs, dir. max barbakow // doctor sleep, dir. mike flanaghan // uncut gems, dirs. benny sadfie & josh sadfie // birds of prey, dir. cathy van // bloodshot, dir. dave wilson // the old guard, dir. gina prince-bythewood // enola holmes, dir. harry bradbeer // hocus pocus, dir. kenny ortega // always be my maybe, dir. nahnatchka khan // finding dory, dirs. andrew stanton & angus maclane // die hard, dir. john mctiernan

S H O W S .

black sails (2014) - this show, this shooooooooow.  i cannot, it just makes me want to cry with how good it is.  the characters, the EMOTIONS, the story, the plaaaaaan.  like, the creators clearly had a plan for every single step of this show and it was a gOOD, GOOD PLAN.

the untamed (2019) - truly, cheesy good fun with one of the best gay romances ever.  i love these characters and their relationships to each other and the way it glories in its own ridiculousness.

the righteous gemstones (2019) - one of the things that bothered me about my next choice (the ratio of female to male nudity) was so much more realistic in this one (i mean, we’ve all gotten five thousand dick pics and i know like three people?  so the fact that there is so rarely male nudity in shows when there are tits everywhere..... no, how does that even make a tiny bit of sense?).  this show was such great, wonderful, awful fun.  they’re not great people and the show is under no delusion about that and it’s GLORIOUS!

the witcher (2019) - this was just hella fun, i loved the characters and the fantasy elements.  i’m excited for the next season, it’s just entertaining swashbuckling through and through!

fargo (2014) - all of this was really very enjoyable with the through line being somebody fucks shit up and gets involved in something they really shouldn’t be involved in that’s going to swallow them whole.  season one and season three were my stand-out favorites but they were all so violent, clever, and vicious!

um.... number 5, part 2? central park (2020) - um..... so many of the hamilton actors in a muscial cartoon drawn and written by the bob’s burgers team? WHAT ABOUT THAT DOESN’T SOUND AMAZING?!  it was such a joy to hear daveed diggs and leslie odom jr.’s voices again!!

honorable mentions: schitt’s creek // the mandalorian // mr. robot // broadchurch // mindhunter // jack ryan // the good place // the end of the f***ing world // big little lies // elite // kidding // servant // letterkenny // curb your enthusiasm // i am not okay with this // ozark // buzzfeed unsolved: true crime/supernatural // you // runaways // dear white people // dickinson // brooklyn nine-nine // will & grace // 9-1-1 // dead to me // solar opposites // never have i ever // killing eve // what we do in the shadows // grace and frankie // avenue 5 // roswell, new mexico // the bold type // evil // tuca & bertie // impulse // the umbrella academy // watchmen // infinity train // corporate // search party // on becoming a god in central florida // a.p. bio // criminal: uk // the morning show // mythic quest // last week tonight // prodigal son // the great