#very small vent thing?

[dykedvonte]

Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.

We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.

Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.

He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?

I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?

[clairedaring]

Ming + being proactive in getting to know Joe and his works

MY STAND-IN (2024) | 1.03

[martyryo]

Life is beautiful

[the-red-planet-mars]

Yeah so about that Mars fic...

I'm so sorry- I did absolutely nothing despite really wanting to do it... my brain has been blocked upon starting school and this week had been rlly busy. Like I just moved houses on Monday after being threatened with homelessness the past month and with the new term of school starting I couldn't find the time nor energy to actually get started on writing the mars fic. I really, really, really want to do it but idk if I can atp...

I don't even know if motivational speeches will help me; this is just a mental blockage thing ig. No matter what anyone says I still might end up doing nothing. I have horrible procrastination issues caused by the overwhelming, destructive allure of school and it messes me up.

I just wanted you guys to know that there might not be a possibility of that Mars fic coming out anytime soon. Though who knows? Maybe I might surprise myself and write it within a month- or maybe not... idk atp this issue has been going on for more than a year now...

I'm sorry.

[kkoct-ik]

the lesser known did symptom of not knowing anything about your life because not only do you not remember anything (and the memories you Do have are heavily fragmented so you have no idea when they occured), but you also consistently destroy all traces of yourself during dissociative episodes. rip every diary ive tried to keep and almost every social media account. i will never know what i got up to or who i was during those years

i have a spreadsheet i use for documenting memories that turn up before i can forget them again. where i also do my best to estimate what year or season or month they came from. but its all just such a mess. even 2021 onwards which are supposed to be my therapy years are very very patchy. i wish i could just know my life

[starswirly]

[ * Pros of self indulgent art: making what you crave and want to see in the world! ] [ * Cons: It’s not everyone’s niche ]

[dreamyintersexouppy]

transmascs stop pretending that transfems are untrustworthy sources for transfeminism challenge impos- fuck i didn't even finish and you already complained about our terminology

[reminiscentrainclouds]

You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.

[x-adoringvoid-x]

Apparently that's called the 'irresistible force paradox'

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the problem with not having any new fics to read bc they havent been posted yet is that when Invisible Tigers Are Hunting You, there is no distraction

[totheidiot]

i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.

[dapperenby13]

Cw Food issues

Im going to scream. For some reason I just, can’t eat. This happens multiple times a week. Like I have food in front of me, it’s food I like, but the thought of eating it makes me want to throw up. I put it in my mouth and I can’t chew it. It just makes me sick.

Right now I have a donut in my hand. I like donuts, I’ve eaten half of it and now I just… can’t. It tastes like ash in my mouth

I try to eat my safe food, applesauce. But it’s mushy and gross and I can’t swallow it.

I’m so hungry, and it’s entirely my own fault and I have no idea why

[allpplareequal]

With the growth of purity culture and the excessive amounts of exclusionism, accelerationism, sex negativity, witch-hunting, and general no-true-Scotsman-ing online and on Tumblr in particular, one can only conclude that online LGBTQIA+ communities have a serious conservatism problem that needs to be addressed.

We've already seen how this is harmful to our rights with the US election. The disunity and finger pointing not only lead to queer activists not being able to put any pressure on campaigns, but also lead a small amount of queer folks to either directly support trump or deliberately muddy the waters with anti voting activism.

The involvement of purity-poisoned queers (although there was certainly some astroturfing as well) in the harassment campaign against congresswoman Sarah McBride is worthy of an essay that I do not have the time or energy to make, but I will say that if she had received more immediate public support and was not surrounded by an all red government she likely would not have conceded to misgendering and bathroom bans.

We cannot keep defending our rights if we spend all of our time and energy policing our own community. The only reason we have been able to achieve what we have is because we put forward a united front, instead of taking the advice of terfs and fearing each other instead.

There is no "other" to lock out.

[gophergal]

I always hate the pity I get when I say "I don't have much of a family"

Like, fuck you dude. My family is very small, but my parents distanced themselves from their relatives for a good fucking reason and so have I

[ravenekrops]

so many things to do and so little energy and time and focus to invest in all of them at the same time all the time

[glowingsquiddragon]

It will be okay

The ever stoic cinnabar curled into the dolls lap tears pooling at their eyes, his breathing unsteadily breath hiccuping as they clearly poured all their power into not falling apart. His head pressing against the doll.

“How… how do you do it? The world is falling apart, I.. I don’t know what to do here. I’m supposed to help- I’m supposed to be the one to help save people-“ the doll just curled down holding his head in her arms. Soft hair curling around them both a soft blanket cocooning both of them. A hand against the bull’s back.

“Well… it’s not exactly easy to stay positive. But you guys need that comfort more than I do. And I’ve learned that seeing others smile makes it easier for me. The pain lessens when I take some of it away from others. Like we both take our misery and cast some of it aside. It’s always hard but it can always get better. Your job is just as hard as mine, we can’t save everyone but we can do everything we can for those who are left.”

the bull let out a choked sob tears soaking into the dolls lap as she pulled him closer in a warm hug. His body was trembling shaking with a great force as their whole body shook with the force of it.

“It’s always going to be hard. Try to push through, try to keep fighting for me okay? We’ll see this through till the end. You can do this, you can endure this and I will help you.”

“Okay..”

“You want to stay here for a little longer? Get it out before we have to go back?”

“….yes… thank you” the doll just caressed the bull’s hair.

“Any time my friend”