#very small vent thing? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dykedvonte · 3 months ago

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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.

We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.

Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.

He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?

I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?

#like curly is very much does his job goes home takes care of self repeat i dont think hes like an asocial person but he doesn't take the tim #time to indulge in himself the way he thinks hes a bigger picture guy so as long as nothing is disrupted hes relatively okay even if its #slowly chipping away at him and making him feel hollow like he thought space was endless that he could never reach a point of feeling finis #he never had to predict what to do after the end and suddently he realizes there was no end to it because there cant be an end to nothing #hes accomplished so much objectively but hes done nothing with his life outside of his work like he mentions no hobbies other friends or an #thing of the sort he doesn't even feel like he can vent it cause what? hes complaining about how hard it is to get promoted to have securit #in a job you hate and a position that keeps weighing you down like I feel like if he explained himself at the party and didn't let Jimmy t #talk for him hed actually have made points the others would get cause even if they envied his position he still is justified in being unhap #not everything that you think would bring you happiness does or fulfills even a small part of that desire #idk hes a lot more fucked in the head but like towards himself than people realize like how he lets Jimmy treat him is indicitive of that i #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #captain curly #curly mouthwashing

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clairedaring · 9 months ago

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Ming + being proactive in getting to know Joe and his works

MY STAND-IN (2024) | 1.03

#poom phuripan #up poompat #my stand in #my stand in the series #userbunn #userrain #usersasa #userjamiec #tobelle #msiep3 #usertoptaps #tuseralexa #userrlana #userjap #rinblr #my stand-in #clairedgifs #msiedit #thaidrama #justice for my misunderstood meow meow ming #this gifset is dedicated to sasa bc i actually came up w this while venting with her in the dms abt how viewers are mostly misreading ming #ming actually cares you know #like no matter how small joe feels whenever he's with ming... like ming does care #ming doesn't even want the new nice fancy things... he's okay living in joe's humble abode and using old things #ming stops being picky with his food and attempts to cook for joe #this was a bit more detailed in the novel since we had more time #i love the parts in the novel where joe 1.0 would come home very tired from work and ming's passing thoughts are like why dont u just quit #and i'll take care of you for the rest of your life and you dont even have to work so hard for so little wage

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martyryo · 5 months ago

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Life is beautiful

#wrote I two years ago after scratching a hole in my arm #yeah personal art inspired by a vent doodle on my Italian notes from two years ago #I used to feel so much anger it physically hurt my lungs #literally burning on the inside typa thing #and today I woke up thinking about the small sun character hugging the flowers I drew #I wanted them like that #it made me happy #very self indulgent #but it makes me happy #fight club #soapshipping

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sonyshock · 2 months ago

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As the end of the year approaches, I find myself thinking I probably looked very silly wanting to become one of these IDW Sonic cover artists. At the same time, I found a very close family member is probably mega racist and very, very toxic. One thing is more important than the other, but they are both things that I loved but I probably should let go.

And I don't know in which direction to walk away.

#text #vent #I feel very stupid and like I wasted my time for no reason #using tumblr because the public is pretty small in here #this family member might have planted the seeds for so many interpersonal problems I have today.#And I thought things go well because I spent so long away from them and surely I had the attitude and words for things to go well now!#But I only had the knowledge to realize there was never hope

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mcnuggyy · 26 days ago

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either I’m somehow ruining my own life or my family has been put under a very evil curse

#I don’t want to talk about it #things are just not very good right now #I don’t know how it got this bad #i know people have survived much worse with much less but I don’t know how much more I can take #I am not a strong person I am weak and small and stupid I can’t do any of this #I wish I was someone else or something else or never existed man #vent cw

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the-red-planet-mars · 9 months ago

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Yeah so about that Mars fic...

I'm so sorry- I did absolutely nothing despite really wanting to do it... my brain has been blocked upon starting school and this week had been rlly busy. Like I just moved houses on Monday after being threatened with homelessness the past month and with the new term of school starting I couldn't find the time nor energy to actually get started on writing the mars fic. I really, really, really want to do it but idk if I can atp...

I don't even know if motivational speeches will help me; this is just a mental blockage thing ig. No matter what anyone says I still might end up doing nothing. I have horrible procrastination issues caused by the overwhelming, destructive allure of school and it messes me up.

I just wanted you guys to know that there might not be a possibility of that Mars fic coming out anytime soon. Though who knows? Maybe I might surprise myself and write it within a month- or maybe not... idk atp this issue has been going on for more than a year now...

I'm sorry.

#the thing is i could probs write small things- i mean i just healed from a writing block that lasted a whole year...#though with a full on story maybe not... maybe not now #idk- we'll see #let life continue and we'll see #Sorry for the rather depressing post and the very slight vent #i just needed to post this coz if there were some ppl waiting for this fic i didn't want them to wait for smth that probs won't even happen #it's my fault #I'm sorry

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kkoct-ik · 4 months ago

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the lesser known did symptom of not knowing anything about your life because not only do you not remember anything (and the memories you Do have are heavily fragmented so you have no idea when they occured), but you also consistently destroy all traces of yourself during dissociative episodes. rip every diary ive tried to keep and almost every social media account. i will never know what i got up to or who i was during those years

i have a spreadsheet i use for documenting memories that turn up before i can forget them again. where i also do my best to estimate what year or season or month they came from. but its all just such a mess. even 2021 onwards which are supposed to be my therapy years are very very patchy. i wish i could just know my life

#kostik speaks #having a moment #is it fucked up that the vast majority of what i can place on my life timeline is directly lifted from the internet archive #where i desperately try to remember old urls and see if any evidence of my existence has been immortalised #just so i can know what i was doing. and who i was. and what i was going through. when.#anyway #im so upset about how much evidence of myself ive destroyed now that im finally trying to put the pieces together #just because i refused to accept that was me and i took it upon myself to delete the old mes from existence #over and over again #because reading what id written and identifying with who i was was immensely dysphoric and distressing #any sort of life history is just. not there #i try very hard but i rely a lot on other people and archives that i cant wipe myself #because otherwise the pieces of my memory just dont work and none of it makes sense #its tough #just had to ask my mother when my grandmother died #it was really not long ago #because it was a significant event. i have a memory fragment of learning the news. i have no idea when it was though #maybe learning the time of year will explain some things. heres to hoping #im venting ignore me #i must have asked her before already but! youll never guess. i forgot #so i asked again and this time ill get it on the spreadsheet #so maybe i can build up a small timeline of that section of the year around that date #thats what im hoping. heres to hoping

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thelingering · 20 days ago

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*exasperated sigh lol* changeeeeee is hardddddd

#the talkies tag #it's been a minute since i did the whole 'small post with lots of tags' bit #idk it's just. for the past couple months i've been really comfortable just vibing with the couple of really good friends i have #and then i went to a dance and met two (2) new people and we exchanged numbers and such #and i decided in that moment that i'd put as much effort as i could into replying on time and actually making goodhearted attempts for them #and for some reason that whole thing has been stressing me out as of late #like i understand that this is a Good Thing and Important Thing to learn how to do the whole social thing #and i want to! i so genuinely want to work on that!#it just. it's just a lot for my mind right now for some reason #i do wish i could remain in the little hidey-hole of 'have like three really great people in your life and chill'#but i also would rather not give up on improving my 'making friends' skills #and so the result becomes: i'm weirdly stressed about nothing in particular #and it begins to drain my poor little introverted self to the point that any socialising is hard #and the real zinger of this whole thing is that i got ONE DAYYY of bad sleep and it threw off my whole grooveee ToT #so yeahhhh- basically the gist is you guys here on Tumblr are My People and don't tire me out and real world stuff is hard #(btw just to really make sure this is clear i am not venting about anybody here y'all are chill as heck i love y'all)#that said i love all my friends very much #and if i have not been very good at responding to you. i am so sorry <3 i swear i cherish you and your friendship #my mind has been everywhere recently #you reading this btw i love you a lot ^-^#thanks for listening #it means a ton #vent

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starswirly · 11 months ago

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[ * Pros of self indulgent art: making what you crave and want to see in the world! ] [ * Cons: It’s not everyone’s niche ]

#Random Ramblings #And it’s totally fine!#It just stings when I have to remind myself of the fact I am in a very very niche area #Like being really proud of something and how it looks #posting it and the only people who pay it mind is like. Mutuals.#Okay this all sounds really ungrateful and bitter and I’m not!! I appreciate the fact that even one person is seeing it and bothering to #interact in a small way #But I create and post to SHARE these things I enjoy #and it feels like sometimes like I’m one of those newspaper boys in movies where they’re shouting and everyone is just running by #And more people notice than I realize I’m sure!! But. GSHSHDJDHJSD it’s hard to get out of my head #vent #the tags are #kinda

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dreamyintersexouppy · 4 months ago

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transmascs stop pretending that transfems are untrustworthy sources for transfeminism challenge impos- fuck i didn't even finish and you already complained about our terminology

#i really hate the expectation to know theory in these shit communities #they're barely communities it feels like on here trans people are unified by strict categorization #constantly infinitely expanding definitions but treating them as immutable and emergent from the core of reality #rather that words used to describe things we experience or the positions we are placed in my transphobic society #we're unified by who is mean to us more than wether or not we actually like each other #and so we must always be ready to litigate our position in these spaces #because they must be Definitionally justified rather than just having a real community where we're treated like human beings #i wish we still had our elders... i wish we weren't so adverse to learning humanly #i wish i could escape the weird black and white fandom thinking but it worms it's way into every community here now #this is why i keep lamenting old t4t spaces #we weren't there to argue theory #we weren't opposed to learning it in fact it was useful and joyful to share with each other #to help describe our experiences and understand where we've been placed in the world #but that's not why we were there #we were there for community to be kind to each other #now it's nothing but a bunch of teenage fandom tme people arguing with fake versions of trans women they invented in their heads #while we just hide in the background wondering if the word community means something different now #or if we're really just so evil to our very cores that we were foolish to think we could have community in the first place #sorry just #needed to vent this shit has been in my head for a while #i wasn't in a place to go to gay bars or trans events when i was first here #i couldn't have local community so finding one here with transfems who loved each other #it was so important to me #and learning that i could cater to that small but kind audience in my sex work is what made me finally love doing it #before then i'd been doing it purely cuz i couldn't get any other job #and before that because i was forced to #there's a lot of trauma wrapped up in my work for me but i healed from it largely because of my sisters i found on here #but i don't know when it went away but it did #and now it feels like we're left in a massive crowd of screaming voices #and i don't recognize any of them anymore

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galacticlamps · 7 months ago

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very minor thing I still definitely deserve a medal for:

being raised catholic, and now as an adult repeatedly falling in love with characters that fandoms like to declare catholic, but still managing to reject those headcanons because at heart I'm too much of a stickler for accurate analysis to get behind them when i know the person in question is really meant to be anglican/episcopalian/whatever other flavor of christian

i am being, as the poets say, so brave about it

#i dont wanna list examples bc this is just a lil vent post im not looking to make this pop up in any tags & insult anybody #bc tbh some of the worst offenders are absolutely top-tier favorite characters of mine with woefully small fandoms #& the LAST thing i wanna do is be rude about or discourage anyone who posts about/writes for/discusses them #just because i happen to have trouble getting on board with one part of their analysis.#but it does amaze me that this Keeps happening #talk about resisting temptation #& for the record when i say 'raised catholic' i do not just mean christmas and easter catholic okay #im talking 'college was the first time in my life religion wasnt a required subject' catholic #'virtually everybody i knew as a teen went to different single-sex high schools' catholic #horrible uniforms. strict nuns. classes interrupted for masses for even the minor holidays. joined choir for something to do-catholic #as an adult i still have friends & acquaintances who work in/for churches type-catholic #my mom actively tries to hide rosary beads & scapulars in my bags & car every time i come home catholic #(i dont even think most people know what scapulars ARE for christ's sake! & if they think they do they're probably picturing the wrong one #meanwhile i've got a routine list of hiding spots to check for them before driving away)#my point is.#if it made even a scrap of sense for any of these characters to actually be catholics trust me i'd be the FIRST one saying so #bc i know i could write the SHIT out of all the angsty repressed queer guilt religious trauma stuff everyone's drawn to it for #that's like the very least i could get out of having been up to my eyeballs in it for the first two decades of my life #but 99% of the time it just doesn't track w/ what we know about them at all im sorry.#im sorry your moodboard yearns for stained glass saints #im sorry your fic hinges upon a flashback to a certain sacrament #but im just not buying it

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cultivating-wildflowers · 7 months ago

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this month is really making me feel like a homeowner in the most mundanely stressful ways

I have to replace my toilet because it's falling apart, but it's so old that we have to find one that will fit, and then we have to adjust the connections (thankfully my dad knows how to do this)

my parents are getting a new washing machine so I will be inheriting theirs (this is how I got my stove)

the friends selling my parents their washing machine are also getting rid of their dryer, so I get a lightly-used dryer for cheap (the sensor on mine died so I can only use the time setting)

my mother is once again critiquing my house's siding (it's wood. and we painted it in the middle of a cold snap in March four years ago before I even bought the house so the inspector would quit pitching a fit)

she also has big plans for re-configuring my driveway

and she wants to know when the township will finally fill the hole in the off-street parking area (it now has its own biome)

my dad may be swapping my lawnmower with his so I can quit getting mildly zapped every time I turn mine off via pulling the spark plug (I mowed on Sunday. it ran out of gas with three passes left. my lawn looks so stupid but we're under a flood watch and I will not be mowing until...later)

thankfully the water heater, furnace, windows, and roof are all quite new and/or in working condition!