#very short series of mvs

[seneon]

’m thinkin’ of watchin alien stage ! :0 is it good ?

it's pure depression

[maxivstappen]

౨ৎ WHAT A COINCIDENCE ! ‧₊˚.

౨ৎ part of my short n’ sweet series (not posted yet) ౨ৎ

smau — angst & sweet revenge

pairing — charles leclerc x reader / lando norris x reader ( fc: sabrina carpenter )

summary — charles has a habit of running back to you whenever things don’t work out between him and alex, but how long will you be willing to keep up with his shit?

warnings / disclaimer — none, just some swearing!

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23rd August 2023 - TWITTER

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31st August 2023 - TEXTS and TWITTER

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4th Feburary 2024 - TEXTS

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5th Feburary 2024 - TWITTER and TEXTS

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6th February 2024 - @.yourusername ✓ just posted on INSTA!

liked by landonorris, sadiesink_ and 2,965,201 others

yourusername the only thing that surprised me yesterday was, in fact, the cake ✨ wouldn’t have wanted to spend it any other way — thank you for all your birthday wishes <3

view all 87,082 comments

landonorris ✓ pretty girl

-> ♥️ by @.yourusername ✓

carlossainz55 ✓ @.landonorris omg🥹 you’re growing up lando

user3 @.carlossainz55 NOT HIM SIDING WITH LANDO THIS IS SO MESSY

user1 i cannot handle everything that’s happened yesterday and today

user2 @.user1 what’s going on?

user3 @.user2 charles and his ex got together again right on y/n‘s birthday and she’s very obviously throwing shade in her caption (saying she’s not surprised because alex and charles are always on&off) + lando just called her pretty girl???

user2 @.user3 omg queen, lando should make a move

milliebobbybrown ✓ happy birthday bb

-> ♥️ by @.yourusername ✓

user4 @.milliebobbybrown eleven what are you doing here

user7 ICONIC ICON

user5 oscar and lily were there, carlos, lando, george and max were there, where the hell was charles??? he didn’t even like the post

user6 @.user5 he’s with alex again :(

user5 @.user6 WHAT

user6 @.user5 yes even worse, he left the morning of her bday to fly out to alex

user7 @.user6 nobody confirmed it stop talking shit

user8 @.user7 charles was seen at an airport just that morning + it wouldn’t be out of character for him, he’s always been like this + he wasn’t at her bday party but they were still seen together one day before + half of the grid was there but he wasn’t

user8 the caption is so ironic 😭😭

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23rd August 2024 - @.landonorris ✓ just posted a story on INSTA! (playing: coincidence by y/n l/n)

@.yourusername replied : i love you more lan🥹

@.danielricciardo replied : i thought your obsession would stop now that you’re together but these past months have all proven me very wrong😔

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TWITTER

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@.yourusername ✓ just posted on INSTA!

liked by charles_leclerc, lilymhe and 5,669,069 others

yourusername what a coincidence! I’ve got a few surprises for you! first of all, my new single “coincidence” is out now! second, music video for said song is coming tomorrow ANNNNNNDDDD surprise surprise surprise!!! MY NEW ALBUM “Short n’ Sweet” COMING OUT NOVEMBER 13TH <333

view all 128,696 comments

user1 ALBUM OF THE YEAR ALBUM OF THE YEAR ALBUM OF THE YEAR

user2 i want her so bad

user3 @.user2 same

user4 IS THAT LANDO’S HEAD ON THE FOURTH SLIDE

user5 @.user4 IT IS

user6 @.user4 HE’LL BE IN HER MV I THINK

user7 @.user6 OH MY GOD

user8 i want both her and lando

user9 lmao charles in the likes👀👀

user10 probably wants her back

landonorris ✓ 🤭🤭

-> ♥️ by @.yourusername ✓

user11 @.landonorris @.charles_leclerc omg look charles!😧 it’s not that hard to interact with and post your girlfriend !!!

user12 @.landonorris PLEASE GET MARRIED HAVE KIDS PLEASE

user13 im gonna stream this til my neighbours know the lyrics by heart

oscarpiastri ✓ lando won’t shut up about you

carlossainz55 ✓ @.oscarpiastri he never will

user14 i love how they’re all friends with y/n🥹🥹

user15 oscar and carlos interaction in y/n’s comment section might be my favourite thing ever

user16 please more charles hate songs 👍

mclaren ✓ streaming rn as we speak

user17 THE ALBUM’S COMING OUT ON LANDO’S BIRTHDAY🥹🥹🥹

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general taglist :: @norrisdriver

first smau ever !! probs not the best but i hope you like it anyway :)

[restlessmaknae]

&us // koga yudai (k)

One day, he was your everything, and the next day, he faded into bittersweet memories. Now, after exactly 5 years, you might be able to patch things up again.

➳ Characters: K x female reader/you

➳ Genre: childhood best friends to strangers to potential lovers, slice of life, fluff, angst, coming of age

➳ Words: 1.9k

➳ Warning: mention of snacks, expectations, an argument

➳ A/N: This story was very much inspired by the beauty that Samidare is, the header is also taken from the MV. Hence, lots of references to rain and cherry blossoms.

This story is the first installment of my 'love map' multifandom series which features 3 different idols and 3 different stories that take place in 3 different countries. The stories can be read on their own though.❤️

➳ Dedicated to: @dat-town ❤️

➳ Taglist: @wooyoung-a, @s00buwu

Koga Yudai once meant the world for you. No, he was your world, the planet that orbited around you, the gentle wind that embraced you in the long-lasting winter months and the warmth that spread on the field after a heavy storm. If he was the sun, you were the moon, and although different, you complemented each other very well.

You once believed that you were destined to meet. You were destined to walk by him and his mother as he was playing with pebbles by the river, where your friendship had all begun. You always thought of him when you heard the word ‘fate’, and you always imagined him as the kind, handsome male lead in the romance books you loved so much. If he was a famous love song, you were the one who was credited for the lyrics, your name insignificant compared to his existence.

He was the most gentle person you had ever met, his attentiveness not fading even through embarrassing teenage phases and clumsy attempts at finding yourself. Beside him, you never had to pretend who you were, you never had to play a part, and in a way, he was your safe haven. Everyone else expected something from you, but he didn’t. He was just happy to see you and talk to you, even if it was about the seemingly most insignificant things. If he was the stars, you were the sky that let him shine, but in a way, you were glad that he was there to hide the darkness within you.

One day, he was your everything, and the next day, he faded into bittersweet memories. If the betrayal hadn’t hurt so much, you might have been able to tell him a proper goodbye, but you had been too upset over the fact that he had not told you that they were moving, you had only gotten to know about it from his mother.

The distance between you two had widened for some time by that time, and that had been the last straw. With his dance practices being in the afternoons and stretching through weekends and your extracurricular classes taking up most of your time, you had barely had the time to see each other even if you lived across one another. Texts were left on read, conversations in the school corridor were cut short, and hearts were bleeding.

You still saw the same boy in him as the one you had grown up with, but some days, it hurt to look at him with all his bright eyes and sweaty locks sticking to his forehead because you had this jarring feeling stirring up something inside of you, realisation hitting you that maybe, you didn’t know him that well after all.

Even as they were packing into the car in front of their house, you watched the scene from your bedroom’s window, unable to bring yourself to say goodbye to him. So you watched as his parents bid farewell to your parents, and watched as Yudai hesitated getting into the car when he took note of your absence. Then, just a breath away from forever leaving you behind, he slipped a note into your mailbox.

You watched the empty place they left behind after they drove away on the cherry blossom-coated road for a long time before your tears stopped falling. Just as you stopped crying and stepped outside to check the mailbox, the rain started scattering, washing away the last bits of the traces they left behind, soaking your shirt that he had once given you. Through the curtain of fresh raindrops and newly surfacing teardrops, you unfolded the little note.

You once meant the world for Koga Yudai. You were his little hideaway, his secret and then not so secret best friend, the hand that reached out when he was about to fall into self-doubt, the shoulder that he could lean on when the first struggles of professional dancing weighed down on him. If you were his spring, he wanted to be your summer, so that he could give you even more warmth than you had given him, even more time together than you could spare him.

He still believed that you were destined to meet. You were destined to walk by him and his mother as he was playing with pebbles by the river, where your friendship had all begun. He always thought of you when he was dancing because you were the first one who told him to try out dancing, and your support hadn’t wavered since his first performance. If you were his favourite song to dance to, he wanted to be your favourite dance, the one that you would never forget.

You were the most hard-working person he knew, and you didn’t just work hard for school, you worked hard for your friendship, too. You remembered his favourite things and bought him his favourite snacks after his practices, and you always remembered to cheer for him when he was dancing, even if you had to ask your parents to accompany you, even if it was in a different city. Beside him, he never had to hold himself back, he could be as loud as he wanted, he could joke around as much as he wanted, and in a way, you were his safe haven. Even when he started getting noticed by others at school because of his dancing, you still looked at him the same. If you were his nighttime, the one that you could spend together most frequently because of your clashing schedules, the soothing balm after a long day, he wanted to be your morning, so that you would look forward to every day because of him.

One day, you were the most stable point in his life, and then the next day, he had to leave you behind. If he hadn’t felt so hurt by the argument you had had the day before him leaving, he would have made sure to hug you tight and say goodbye properly. Instead, like a coward, he merely left behind a note, the one he wondered if you had ever found, if you had ever read, and if you even remembered.

On the other hand, like a fool, he remembered it all too well, and year after year, he wondered if it was the same for you. He graduated from high school, then graduated from university in Tokyo, wondering if you managed to find something you liked in the meantime, and if you had ended up applying for the university in the capital city you had eyed back then. After all, that’s why he chose today’s location.

He was wondering that day too, whether you remembered the note, whether you could be bothered to make time for a visit to the Rainbow Bridge at 7 PM on 15th of May, 5 years after he had left for Tokyo with his family. Exactly 5 years. He wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, but still, there was this seed of hope within his heart, the one that told him that the 10 years you had spent together must have meant as much for you as it did for him.

Maybe you didn’t study at a university here after all, maybe you were already working somewhere else, maybe even abroad. Maybe you had a boyfriend, and making excuses for meeting a guy friend from your past would be too much. Maybe you just didn’t want to see him again.

Still, he was waiting on one side of the bridge, leaning onto the railing, watching as vividly pink cherry blossoms from the nearby parks danced in the sky, to a music that only they could listen to. Or maybe they danced to the rapidly beating heart of his. Or the ticking of his watch that he kept checking every other second.

The next time he checked his watch, a drop splashed onto the surface. Then another and another. Yudai looked up and only noticed the dirty grey clouds above the bridge when it was already too late, and rain poured onto him like salvation, like some kind of a blanket that would drape over his shoulders and hide him from the world. So he could wait here like a fool for god knows how long more in case you showed up, though you had already been exactly 17 minutes late, or he could make a run for it, so that he wouldn’t get totally wet until he reached the next metro station.

“Maybe she didn’t find it after all,” Yudai mumbled under his nose as he looked left and right one more time before he decided to head back to the metro station.

With each raindrop, he was closer to blaming himself for even thinking that you could be here today, and closer to losing his temper. If he just shouted into the void, would anyone care? Would the May rain wash it away, too?

“Koga Yudai!”

At first, he thought that he was hallucinating. Maybe hoping too much for seeing you again actually got to him, and he was losing his mind. Yes, that was more possible than you showing up suddenly, when he was about to lose all hope.

“Yudai, stop!”

When you spoke up the second time, he whirled around as fast as he could, watching as you ran towards him in high–heeled boots and a giant pink umbrella, just like the girl in the memories he tried so hard to cling onto.

As you stopped in front of him, he could see that though you were the girl in his memories, you also grew taller, your features more defined, your hair longer, and your eyes sparkling more brightly than before. He felt like he could faint as soon as you halted in front of him like a miracle, like a dream coming true, but then you even stepped closer, so that your umbrella could cover him, and he was rendered speechless.

“I’m so sorry for being late. I was caught up in work, and lost track of time, and then, there were so many people on the metro, I couldn’t get on the first one, and-”

“You have a cherry blossom in your hair,” Yudai cut you off as he reached out to get it out of your hair. What he didn’t expect was for this gesture to feel so natural, so right, and you didn’t back away either. You just blinked at him, confused, and for a moment, he thought that he ruined everything.

What kind of idiot would tell you that you have a cherry blossom in your hair after not seeing you for 5 years? God, he was so damned…

Then, you let out a little giggle, and smacked him in the side, your laughter ringing bells in his heart, awakening something inside of him that he thought he had lost forever.

“You haven’t changed a bit, have you?” You asked with a smile so beautiful, his heart malfunctioned for a moment, but he welcomed the playful teasing, your gentle hug even more, and now he didn’t feel like joking about your height compared to his because he was just glad to have you close to him, your heart beating beside his as if it was meant to be.

You and him, and him and you, and how it became ‘us’ again.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine! Let me know what you think!

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for &TEAM or for other artists, consider signing up for my taglist here.

Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️

[pharawee]

Thank you so much for your thorough response. I'm not always good at following production companies. Please ignore this if I'm overstepping, I've already asked for a lot of your time and research, but other than 9naa are there other companies you boycott because of how they treat actors? I know there were some issues with 2moons and I know there were some issues for Saint, though those were long before my time in the fandom.

That's completely understandable. There's so many companies now that do BL - some of them aren't even primarily into entertainment (a skincare company did The Promise, and I think there's at least one car dealership delving into BL things now too, while other companies are purely for investment and why would you even follow those if they're only about money?).

I'm trying to stay up-to-date because I'm interested in the industry side of things but I probably missed a lot of stuff as well.

Here's what I know for sure:

Motive Village

Motive Village did 2Moons. Then they did 2Moons2 with the same characters (and story!) but all different actors. THEN they did 2Moons: The Ambassador with (some of) the same characters (and story) and different actors again.

Why did they do that? Probably because they're so bad at managing their actors that they're all collectively running away as soon as possible. But that's not even the worst part. One of the actors from 2Moons2, Din Teerapat (then known as Earth Teerapat), was actively excluded and blocked from all promotion while being completely trapped in his contract. Other actors weren't paid and were badly mismanaged. Then there's very serious allegations that Din might have been (I'm phrasing this as carefully as possible) harrassed by one of MV's higher-ups. Din never spoke about it and has since decided to move on.

Aam Anusorn, who directed 2Moons2 (and isn't related to MV in any way) has spoken up about this, and his series Call It What You Want is supposedly based on some of what happened.

Other actors who "escaped" MV include Bas Suradej, Copter Panuwat, Kimmon Warudom (who went on to sign with Star Hunter for a while and did the very delightful Gen Y which is basically 2Moons fanfiction), Tae Darvid & Tee Thanapon (who did Triage), Boun Noppanut (who was never with MV but wasn't paid for his guest role in 2Moons), Joong Archen, Pavel Naret, Benjamin Brasier & Dome Woranart. The latest escapee seems to be Park Anandatej who will be in Monster next Door.

Benjamin Brasier and Dome Woranart seem to be back to working with Motive Village recently and I'm honestly a bit ?? ??? about it.

Y.Entertainment

Y.Ent did Unforgotten Night and For Him the Series. Recently, the leads of For Him, Tor Atagorn and Dew Nitikorn (along with Yoon Phusanu who starred in Unforgotten Night and had a cut guest role in For Him), have come forward saying that they were never paid for their work in For Him. Additionally, Tor has opened up about being continuously harrassed and stalked by someone on and off set during filming. It affected him so badly that he is now in therapy and on medication for depression and anxiety.

Just yesterday Yoon Phusanu held a press conference because he still hasn't been paid. He's one of the few actors who actually have the means to hire lawyers and go against his company. His lawyer has stated that not many young actors in Thai BL can afford to do the same.

9NAA

9NAA did Check Out, Venus in the Sky and, most recently, Kiseki Chapter 2. You know about 9NAA already but for everyone else reading this and wanting to know what's going on with them, here's a short summary.

Here's some other companies involved in Thai BL who have done some mildly questionable things:

Maximon who have since rebranded as Harikarn (with another company now named Maximon that might also have been emerged from the original Maximon... it's complicated) might have not paid their actors for Chains of Heart until the series had long finished airing. Haii Sarunsathorn and Boom Raweewit, the leads, made some very carefully worded joke tweets about it - which kind of makes you go hmmmm. There was also a freelancer who spoke up about not getting paid for his art, but nothing more ever came of it. Both Maximon and Harikarn have since ramped up production again - with some of the same actors - so I'm not especially concerned for the moment.

Well.Thailand recently annouced a bunch of new BLs and then promptly went bancrupt. One of their former producers immediately picked up the slack and founded EntSync in order to take over all projects and talent. They've already held the blessing ceremony for Black Forest and everything seems to be back to normal for the moment except for Born to be Y the series which should have aired this month but has since been indefinitely postponed.

Fix Entertainment is behind The Whisperer and is holding the series' final episode hostage because apparently a planned fanmeeting didn't sell enough tickets so they seem to have run out of funds. This is very ?? ???

Studio on Fire recently announced that one of the leads of their upcoming series Live in Love will be replaced, citing creative differences and "different work attitudes" (hate that phrase yet?) as the reason. Weirdly enough, said lead (Non Ratchanon) is from another company and was part of an acting pair with their own actor Hearth Chindanai. Hmmmmmm.*

*This kind of reminds me of what happened with Saint Suppapong during and after Love By Chance when he was basically almost bullied out of the industry because he wasn't with the same company as all of the other actors.

As I said, there's probably more but I didn't include actor scandals, unfounded rumours or stuff that has already been resolved.

[yuseirra]

i need u to know I read your tags on my post about the OnK side stories and got blasted into a crater by my feelings 😭 I COMPLETELY AGREE....... idol is such an incredibly personal and revealing song, it rly does feel like Ai's whole arc compressed into a really densely packed mv....

Hello!! sorry for taking awhile! I wanted to reply to this fast, but I also wanted to attach an Ai to the reply because she deserves the love. I haven't used the search function on tumblr lately, but whenever I did for this series, I found many good analysis from you. I thought 'wow, they write so well!' So, it's an honor to hear you agree! ;v; Ah, I read tags on my posts all the time too and I LOVE the really sweet ones, so I'm glad what I've written's felt like a good piece of feedback for you. I felt like jotting down my thoughts after having read the side B story.

Yeah.. IDOL felt like a song that was "painfully revealing", it was very exposing of everything Ai went through, so blatantly without a single filter of protection, that's how I felt about the song at first. As I read the comics, I came to understood that's probably what Ai wanted to do all along. I understand why that character said that lies are a form of love, she tried so hard to pose as this invincible and perfect individual, not just to save her face and be loved, but for everyone around her. I believe that Ai must have thought being that way would be a way to compensate for others, meeting other's expectations and all, what they want from her as well so she tried again again and nobody ended up seeing her behind her mask because she ended up being too good at it. All of that seems to have resulted from the lack of love in her upbringing. She wasn't loved, so she wasn't sure what love was. I think the thing here isn't that she CAN'T love, but is unsure of the idea of love. She was quite loving all along, but she wasn't sure if she had was really love and she had a hard time expressing it. Keeping up a front was her idea of "loving" but that kept her from being understood and accepted as a person. So that's why she was so straightforward about everything in the song IDOL. She wanted to be understood and loved back and engage in a "truthful" manner.

People say Ai is a complex character and she is, but I don't think she's so hard to understand. Her mentality may seem a bit extreme for some, but I feel none of it is exaggerated or unrealistic. There could be a lot of people feeling this way, just in various degrees. Her story was short, but I think that's why it was still able to leave a lot of impact.. ;v; whenever I listen to IDOL, I feel Ai is a great character. She's always been striving to get what she wants, and she did in the end.. you can feel how much she tried despite all the troubles she had! She's in fact, not as perfect and a bit awkward at times, but she was always hardworking. So I like that in that song. It really shows a lot about her character :)

Thank you for the message, and for the translations again! Hope you have fun with the series, I'd love to see more good analysis from you because I agreed with a lot of the takes you had from your posts, I appreciate you insights!

[runningfrom2am]

all my ghosts - (d.s)

an ‘on the one screen in my town’ oneshot

summary: drew gets cast as the love interest in mason's newest music video.

this is set after 'kinda famous' but before the rest of the plot! this was also a request from @winterrrnight and i cannot disappoint my girl duh

watch the mv i based this on here!

wc: 1.2k

tags/warnings: none!! unedited?? intentional use of lowercase?? also a heads up that i did not come up with this song any of the lyrics or the music video!! all credits go to the original artist and her team (lizzy macalpine!)

requests (currently closed- feel free to send whatever but it will be a while before I get to them!)

nav/masterlists

series masterlist

"do you know who they casted yet?" este asks, brushing back mason's hair away from her eyes to pull it up in to a messy bun for the opening shots.

"no, no clue." mason replies, watching her friend in the mirror and trying to stay as still as possible.

"don't you get to make these decisions?" este laughs, throwing the bun loosely into a scrunchy and reaching for her bobby pins to secure it.

"nope." mason giggles. "but i trust my team. i just said someone who gives kind of a 'boy next door' vibe but in a very relaxed way, who's taller than me, and doesn't look like he's forty."

"jeez, lower your standards." este chuckles, shaking her head. "i'm sure they found the perfect person. it'll be so, so good."

"i'm a little nervous." mason admits. "it's my first single after the last album, after the breakup- i don't want to disappoint anyone. you know?"

"i get it." este nods. "but this song is amazing, the video will do it justice. i know it." she assures her friend, leaning down to get a better look at her hair in the mirror. "i think you're ready! just don't throw your hair around too much. it takes a lot to perfect a messy bun."

mason smiles and turns her head to look at her makeup and hair, grinning in satisfaction. the bags under her eyes were emphasized and her brows darkened, but the rest of the makeup was meant to look very minimal. "i'll be careful." she assures her friend, standing up and stretching out.

"mason! we're ready for you." one of the producers is sticking her head in the door of the trailer, and the star quickly adjusts her costume, sweat shorts and a tank top before following her out, waving goodbye to her best friend who is already getting ready for her next client; mason's costar.

mason goes out and shoots a couple casual shots, walking into the corner store and browsing at a few different aisles and coolers. they don't know what will make the final cut just yet, but they'll gather an array of footage just in case.

"okay, we're going to get you guys together now, just act natural, have a look around and be very casual but definitely make it your own. it'll make it real- but we can always try again." the director says and mason nods, looking past her as the bell on the door rings and they bring in her costar.

mason stands on her top toes to look over the shelves in front of her, and smiles wide when she sees who they had casted. "drew! hi!" she grins, quickly making her way over and dodging cameras and mic's to give him a hug.

"hey, mason." drew smiles, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

"oh my god!" she laughs, quickly pulling away. "i didn't even know you auditioned!"

"well, i thought i wouldn't tell you until i got it. it would be embarrassing if i didn't, hey?" drew chuckled. "and then i figured i'd just see you here."

"of course you would get it, are you joking?" mason smiles, hugging him quickly again. "i'm really glad you're here. this will be fun."

"it sounds like it." drew nods, that ever lovely smirk present on his lips.

"basically, we're just fucking around and they're filming it. minimal acting required." mason shrugs as drew slips an arm over her shoulders.

"perfect- let's do this." he nods, quickly pressing a kiss to the side of her head before moving away.

"okay we're ready." the director says, grabbing their attention. "whenever you guys are, just act like we're not here."

"somehow that makes the pressure worse." mason giggles, shaking her head slightly and avoiding eye contact with him now.

"you know all the words, right?" drew asks, a teasing smirk on his face as they walk down the aisle, followed behind and ahead of them by cameras at different angles.

mason gasps, gently shoving him. "how dare you! i wrote every word myself. of course i know them." she giggles.

"okay, well, what's it about?" he asks, grabbing something random off the shelf and turning it over in his hand for just a moment before returning it to its spot.

"you haven't heard it? ouch."

"of course i've heard it. i just want to hear it from you."

"okay," mason nods, continuing to walk beside him slowly as she thinks it over. "it's about falling in love again after being heartbroken, i guess. like, everyone has something that has happened to them in their lives that kind of... haunts them. that they can't let go of, but you can grow around whatever happened and be happy again."

"i see." drew nods. "i get that feeling. it's an amazing song, by the way."

"thank you." mason says, pride evident in her voice along with a slight nod.

it only took a couple of days to shoot the whole thing, most of it just pulling random clips of drew and mason talking and giggling outside of the clips she filmed herself, dancing and singing to the lyrics of her own song.

the last one they filmed together had been the wedding scene, and drew was smiling like an idiot the whole time. the finalized clip only lasted a few seconds, but as he looked her up and down in the white dress, something in him had changed. usually acting to him was no big deal, he could compartmentalize himself from his characters, but this shoot had been entirely different with the producers pushing on them over and over to just 'be themselves'.

"okay! that's a wrap for drew." the producer called as they cut the cameras, the two of them standing face to face at the front of the church.

"thank you so much." mason smiles, reaching around him with the bouquet in hand to give him a hug.

he gladly returned it, gently rubbing her back. "thank you for having me. this was so fun."

"anytime! seriously." mason says, pulling back from the hug after a moment. she's in a bit of a rush to get out of this slightly itchy wedding dress, so she's already stepping down off the small preachers stage.

"hey, wait," drew calls after her, following on her heels as she turns to look at him. "are you free this weekend? to grab lunch or something?"

mason is taken a little by surprise at this, pausing in her step toward the costume tent. "i.. yeah! i would like that. maybe not this weekend, but i'll call you, yeah?"

"okay, yeah. whatever works for you." drew nods, shoving his hands into the pockets of his dress pants.

mason's cheeks are flushed as she looks up at him. "sweet. okay. i've got to get going, but i'll see you soon."

"yeah, see you soon." drew smiles, shifting his weight back onto his heels.

he lets her go, walking the rest of the way down the aisle dressed fully as if she was getting married today. he's quick to lift his hands and rub his palms over his face when he encounters the thought that one day he'd like to see her like this again, be marrying her for real. is he crazy? god, he hopes he isn't crazy.

as she passes off the bouquet to the prop girl, giving her a polite and grateful smile, drew knows he can't wait to see mason again. whatever that may take.

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie, @whore-4-drewstarkey, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron, @urfaveluvr, @alimaythings, @chenslucy, @s-we-e-t-t-ea, @tahliac11, @saccharinesammie, @suzyheartsrafe, @maybankslover, @redhead1180, @lovelyxtommy, @thelomlisrafecameron, @realwifeofjackharlow

[blueepink07]

Doing a short analysis of the desert in Mahiru's MV. ~🍰

I haven't seen anyone talking about why they chose this particular cake, so because I was bored and I love sweets, I decided to do some research and I think I found some interesting details. ~🍓

Due to the amount of frosting and strawberries, I think there is no doubt that this is a strawberry shortcake.

In Japan, this cake is very popular, especially during Christmas, which here it's not considered as a religious holiday, not even a national one! Christmas is celebrated more like Valentine's day.

Of course, I don't necessary think that Mahiru's MV happens during winter or something, but it shows that this cake represents love, prosperity, themes frequently seen in her song.

But i don't want to just talk about the cake itself, but also the main fruit that composes it - strawberries. 🍓

This fruit is a really interesting one, and I really think that it gives us more insight of Mahiru's character and maybe her relationship with her boyfriend.

~Meaning~

Strawberry represents a delicate symbol of love and it is often used to show romantic desire or attraction. It can also be a symbol of righteousness, purity, perfectionism and modesty.

I think this fruit shows the ideal relationship that Mahiru wants, the characteristics that composes her love for her bf.

Righteousness and purity - Mahiru aspires for an innocent love, a cute, happy one. Her MV's are usually energetic and very aesthetic when it comes for the moments with him.

Perfectionism - I have always perceived Mahiru as being quite a perfectionist when it comes to love. She admits that her favorite hobbies are watching dramas, reading magazines. Consuming a certain type of entertainment, raises your standards and changes your perspectives about different topics. Mahiru describes her younger self as being a "sheltered girl" and in contrast with the fact that she went to an all girls school, it strengthened the desire to experience true love. She wanted her relationship to be the same as in dramas. In these TV series, to increase suspense and tension, the partners experience various quarrels, misunderstandings and breakups, which are fortifying their bound, until they reach their happy ever after. And these things are shown in both MVs. Mahiru admits that she is testing him, she is "happy" to receive this pain that occurs after a breakup. "The breakup rituals" in her point of view are strengthening their relationship and as the time goes on she believes they are closer to their happy ever after. Which in her case, it doesn't really happen.

"Even when I test you, even the times we do

the breakup ritual,

Is because I love you"

"We fought sometimes, I was happy

to get hurt

Let's have matching pain, the sickness

is pretty bad"

Modesty - Mahiru has actually very simple wishes when it comes to love. She wants loyalty, the interrogation questions demonstrating that she dislikes cheating and finds it morally wrong.

"Have you ever had an affair?"

She is happy with everything she receives as long as it was made with care and love.

"What's your favourite food?"

Mahiru just wants a person who accepts her love, someone who can appreciates her for who she is.

"What do you wish from your lover?"

A lifetime, traditional love, based on loyalty and compassion...

"What is the ultimate form of love?"

~Beliefs~

-> If two people split a strawberry between themselves then they are bound to fall in love.

The sequences with the cake are interesting... Maybe I'm overthinking, because they aren't literally splitting the fruit, but I want to point this detail:

The bf's slice is small, while Mahiru's filled with a lot of frosting and the whole strawberry. It seems like the bf wasn't as involved in the relationship as Mahiru and that this relationship was bound to fail from the start... Mahiru's love could have been too overbearing for him, resulting in him wanting to end ties with her. It's really sad from both perspectives... While I understand Mahiru and the feeling of wanting to be loved and having someone that understands you, he wasn't the perfect match for her, and neither she was for him. Both had different perspectives of love and neither of them had filled their requirements and needs...

->If you dream about eating a strawberry it could mean that you are about to witness a wedding. Dreams where someone else is eating a strawberry are often interpreted as meaning the dreamer has strong romantic attraction for the person cosuming the food.

Now, I know this seems like a scretch, but to be honest i always perceve the MV's as dreams. I imagine the prisoners sleeping during the extraction and while the machines is doing it's work, they have visions with their crime.

Anyway, Mahiru is trying to make her bf eat that slice with the strawberry, basically she is giving him her love. Unfortunately, he refuses to eat it, he is refusing her love and we see this scene from his point of view:

A rotten love, it's the best I can describe it. Mahiru is forcing her love and feelings to him, who doesn't want to receive them anymore.

And a note for the wedding part: Mahiru always wanted to marry the person she loves. In the MV she is never seen eating the strawberry.

"What's your opinion on marriage?"

Mahiru: "It's something I really dream of."

->Entire strawberry plants were used to treat drepression and melancholy.

Another interesting fact indeed.

This can also refer to Mahiru's mental state, which is deteriorating in Milgram's prison, but maybe it can also refer to her bf as well?

The first part of MV... The lyrics are quite sad and depressing.

"Sigh... No appetite, I can't sleep,

my hair's a mess

What am I supposed to do now?

If you won't tell me, I can't be me"

Considering that he ended his life, this shows that he was in a very bad state of mind, so Mahiru trying to give him the strawberry could mean that she wanted to help him, to cheer him up. An act that doesn't help and does more damage...

Also, the lyric were it says that she doesn't have appetite... The only food shown is the strawberry shortcake, and as the fact tells.. It's like she doesn't feel worthy of this "treatment" to cure her own sadness... :(

If I find more interesting things, I will probably continue. I'm not very pround of this, but I think it highlighted a few details.~🍰🍓

[t3kandson]

Player No More

Word count; 14, 629

Fandom; The Boyz & Stray kids with a little Itzy

Pairing; Reader X Lee Juyeon, Reader X Bang Christopher, Reader X Seo Changbin. Bang Christopher X Seo Changbin

Characters; Moon Kevin, Ju Haknyeon, Lee Hyunjae, Lee Sangyeon, Bae Jacob, Lee Minho, Shin Ryujin, Choi Jisu, Hwang Yeji.

Mentions; Kim Sunwoo, Son Youngjae & Hwang Hyunjin.

Warnings; Angst, Cheating, Jealousy, Conflict, Surrogacy, Food play, Anal Talk, Claim Kink, Oral, Unprotected & Protected Sex,

Notes, Final Part in The Series Player.

Thanks to @light164star who asked me 31 Months ago to write a Juyeon FF.

Which I continued to adapt and got lost in my own bubble of writing. So I hope everyone likes how it's been ended. Till then strap yourselves in for this last ride.

Also please don't forget to check out Trigger MV

Tag list; @nyu-topia

Juyeon POV

"I've only ever loved you, since you fell into my arms. The world was black when you ran away," you whispered as she looked lost in your eyes. You knew you shouldn't but taking sunwoo's words you pressed your lips to hers. You had expected her to stop or freeze against you. But instead she welcomed you as her mouth didn't waste a second working alongside your own. Tongues sliding against each other, you felt her desperation when her hands fell to the hem of your vest. Things was moving very fast, your dreams of reunited with her was at the clasp. You moved carefully scared to slip up this special moment. Not wanting her to realise her relationship with them was in danger of falling apart.

Hands slipping up your naked chest, Y/N enjoyed the feeling of your body as you purposely tensed to let her feel your muscular tone. You could see she was pleased with what she was feeling as you suckled down her hums of appreciation. This only boosted your ego even more. Hands falling to her clothed breasts you cupped them as her lips slipped from you. Fearing you crossed the line your initial fears was soothed when she smirked removing her shirt. Your sure you felt dribble slip down your chin as she's attended to the bra she planned to remove. Spurring you along you removed your vest, her eyes bulging with your naked top half. But it wasn't long before she had you a dribbling mess when her naked breasts were exposed. Your lips wasted no time finding her sensitive bud as you kiss, sucked and occasionally chewed on them. Your other hand exploring its second pair as you got lost in her body. They had grown so much more since you were kids. But more so because of the baby you put inside her. Your dick throbbed at the thought your own semen had grown her up to at least two sizes. You use to be an ass man but suddenly you could easily become a boob man with her. You could see small blemishes forming over her breast from your engrossed suckling. The fact she was allowing you to do this told you that she didn't care for the consequences back home. Instead of guilt you focused on the betrayal Changbin had done. Allowing this to give you free passage with the mother of your child.

Like Y/N was drunk on you she toppled you suddenly so your back was flat on the bed. Her hands ravishing your shorts as they dipped under them to your boxers reaching your hard member. Bringing him to the surface she licked her lips as she slowly started pumping. Pulling the forskin back so she could see your angry tip leaking with precum. She looked like she was contemplating licking the oozing saltiness from you. But like you, she seemed scared that this moment would sink into reality causing her to stop. Tossing her own bottoms off she spit on her own hand to lubricate you. Looking at you to see if you would stop her you rolled your pelvis against her to encourage her further. Dropping herself down your member she slid down you as you hissed.

The feeling of her warm pussy engulfing you felt like heaven had finally come for you. Having your daughter hadn't made her any less tight. She was still wet for you as you felt her glide down you with ease. Watching as she rode you, had your teeth sink into your bottom lip. The way her head threw itself back as her hands laced with yours to steady her was making you feel even more lost. Not helped by the bouncing of her breasts that if you weren't connected to Y/N’s fingers, you would have been holding right now. But you needed more, you needed her eyes looking at you. Lifting yourself up one hand cradled her back as fingers grasped her chin to look at you. You had expected her to hide her guilt but the second your eyes hit each other it was like everything was magical between you both. Sweat dripping from both your brows as you both met each other’s pace. Your whole body was tingling with excitement but also desire as you were getting intoxicated on her beauty. "I fucking love you so much Y/N," you cry as she did little to help a whimper escape as she tightened around you. "You too, always," she said gasping for breath.

Like the words of your declaration of love was spilled, it felt you both had the desperate need to push each other off the edge of your orgasm. Her pace increased as her walls squeezed you tightly. Each pulsation choke around you was getting you closer. Her thighs shaking as she moved herself, so your member was hitting her cervix. Cries was filling the air with mumbled words of your name which only brought you closer. Your thrusts become sharper as you slammed up into her that has her choke and lose her balance. Hands falling to her waist you helped her through her moment of frustration. Nails digging into your skin as she seemed lost above your attack was what pulled you off the cliff. Filling her pussy with your white creamy seed hoping that this was your chance to get her pregnant and keep her. In that second you understood the desperation Changbin had to trap her. But this wasn't trapping her if you loved each other as deep as you do. Your still hardened cock was choked by her wall muscles as she helped to milk your last drops of cum as her own hit her. Convulsing on your cock as her gargles and your grunts fill the air. Your hands pulling her body into your hold till her body settles and leaves her panting like you. Throwing yourself back into the bed you take her with you cradling her as close to you into the silence.

Both of you too scared to speak to analyse what blurred line you both just crossed. Instead, you laid their letting your hands stroke her back as she settled to sleep. You were content in the moment holding tight incase this was one memory left to hold on to. Waiting till her breathing pattern told you she was asleep, you gently rolled her off into your arms as you watched her pull into you. You couldn't help but chuckle at her neediness to be close. How had you allowed yourself to let her go, all these years wasted when she could have always been there. But would you have appreciated her if you didn't know how important she was to you to lose. Kissing her forehead she signed and snuggled closer as she possibly could. Things was going to change, you was finally going to get your family back. A chance to prove to Y/N that the past was nothing but a nightmare.

However, nothing broke you more then waking from your nap to find your arm empty and a note with the words 'sorry that was a mistake,' written. Beneath the pain was burning anger, she had accused you of being a player but this was the second time she had shagged and run. Last time taking your daughter with her, you would damned if you would let her get away with it again. Even if it meant you finding a little of your shallowness to claim her once more.

----------------------------🔺-------------------------

Y/N's POV

You felt so content in his arms that you didn't want to wake up. But your burning need to relieve yourself forced you from his grip. Kissing his forehead before you gently slipped out his hold, you laughed to yourself quietly. In that second you were content, you had never felt so complete. Before returning back to him your eyes spotted the blemish he had made on your breasts. It was like it threw you back to reality. Instead of proudness you were hit with guilt. You had cheated on Changbin and Christopher just like he had with Elle and Lulu. But worse they were your life saviours, they were your family. Doubt hit you, not helped when your phone rang with Changbin on the other end sounding worried. "Please tell me your safe and ok," he said sounding broken on the phone as your stomach twisted in pain. "I'm fine," you whispered almost suffocated with conflicted thoughts. "Please come home, I'm sorry for how I reacted. I won't force you to have another try at a baby. I was selfish I just need you back home, safe healthy and happy," he said close to tears. "Please Y/N tell me where you are so I can come and get you," he pleaded as tears began to fall at his broken voice. "I'm coming home now," you said as he sounded relieved. Hearing the words "I love you baby," at the end of the call was like a knife slamming into your chest. Walking to look at Juyeon you felt as if your mind was about to blow up. You knew you loved Juyeon, everything about last night was perfect. But Changbin and Christopher was your family. They had sacrificed everything for you, they deserved their happy ever after family. Finding a piece of paper you wrote the note that you knew would break his heart. But you needed to hurt him to avoid making another mistake. With the note placed you pressed one last kiss to his forehead as he hummed in his sleep. Taking one last look you ran from him once again but this time you took no mistakes. Dashing to the chemist on the way home you took the emergency pill. Ending up pregnant again wasn't what your family needed. -------------------🔺-------------------

Changbin waiting impatiently when you arrived home had him throw his arms around you holding you tight to him. "I'm so so sorry," he sobbed as his tight hold almost crushed you. His kisses plastered all over your face as your stomach sinked with guilt. "It's ok, I'm sorry I ran too," you said knowing if you hadn't run you wouldn't have betrayed them so much. "I should have told you about Juyeon, I was selfish and desperate to have an additional reason to keep you," he whispered cupping your cheeks. "I won't push you to have a child till your ready I promise," he said as he pressed his lips to yours. His lips felt foreign and for the first time wrong. Like he knew that you wasn't comfortable he took a step back from you. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that, I have so much I need to do to make up to you," he whimpered which broke your heart more. He had mistaken your avoidance as your anger towards him still. In a desperate need to put everything right you pulled him closer to you and kissed him once more. Instead of his lips Juyeon's filled to your mind instead and the guilt ate away further at you. "I need a bath," you said finally pulling from him in a desire to find a place to sort your head out away from all men. "Ok we're talk later, Christopher’s collecting Jubin so we can talk once Juyeon comes to collect her," he said stroking your arms as your eyes widened. "Juyeon's coming here," you gasped in horror. "Yes I messaged him, Christopher has decided enough is enough. We need to show Jubin we can be civil," he said as you shook your head in fear. "I don't want to be civil," you proclaimed as he chuckled pulling you closer to him. "I know how you feel but we have to do this for our daughter. He is her dad and he has the right to have a civil relationship with us. Jubin deserves that surely," he said placing his finger under your jaw to look at him. "Why do I have to be their?” you whimper. Would Juyeon spill the beans on what you both did last night? "Because your Jubin's mum, look we just have to show Jubin every now and then, we can all be friends even if we have to fake it," he said pulling you close to his chest. "I don't want to," you whimper like a child which has him amused. "I'm honoured that you want to avoid another man bustling into our family but we really have to," he said stroking your back. "So go wash up, wake up a little and pull yourself together baby," he said as you nodded making your way to burn the hell out of your skin and especially the memories of Juyeon off you. You knew being around Juyeon was bad news why didn't you run the second you woke in his bed.

You tried to avoid walking into the livingroom for as long as you could, even when you knew Jubin was home. You found everything overwhelming but also dread once Juyeon would arrive. Would he keep what you did a secret? Would he even find it in him to let you go. All you knew, was you had to find a way to avoid him so you didn't become unloyal again.

"Mummy," Jubin said throwing herself at you with excitement as you ruffled her hair. "Hi sweetie you ready for Samchon Juju's today," you said as Christopher looked at you with arms folded. "You mean daddy silly," Jubin said as you bit your lip never getting use to her calling him dad. "Sorry sweetie I forgot that's what you like to call him now," you said as Christopher looked at you with a knowing look. "What did we say about civil," Changbin whispered in your ear as Jubin went to her school bag on the other side of the room. "I think I preferred it when you hated him," you whispered back. "I do still hate him but we can't show her that, she has to come first," he said resting his hand on your shoulder. "So please for her leave this angst till him and Jubin’s gone," Changbin said as Christopher walked his way towards you. "Where was you last night?" He asked as your eyes looked at him with shock that he felt an accusation was needed. "I went for a drink with some friends," you said trying to stay calm as your memory attacked you. "What friends?" He quizzed like he knew where you was. "Oh god it's Juyeon," Changbin said behind you as your head turned to him as the blood drained from your body. "What?" You said almost panicky as he chuckled your way. "Look we just have to behave for a short time and then you can go back to hating him ok," he said softly as he kissed you walking to the door to greet the car that pulled up.

Of course Juyeon had arrived you hadn't been outed, but Christopher's face was almost telling. "You can finish telling us when their gone," he said with interrogational glances your way. "Sure," you said trying to sound enthusiastic rather then dread. "Daddy," Jubin said running up to him to hug him as he held her in his arms before briefly looking your way. It was like the second your eyes took each other that you were burning in the hell you had created. Changbin’s supportive arm around your waist did little to calm your flooded emotions. Juyeon's eyes took his embrace in his view and you could see something you hadn't witnessed on his face for years.

"Why don't you come in for a coffee," Changbin said almost taking him by surprise. "We've decided that we should all be civil for Jubin's sake," he said in the calmest you had seen Changbin offer. "Princess, Samchon Sunwoo is in the car why don't you go check he's not getting up to mischief while I talk with mummy, daddy Chris and daddy Binnie," he said as he placed her to the floor. "Bye," she waved briefly as she dashed to the car which seemed to hurt Changbin a little with his slight goodbye.

“Why now?" Juyeon said looking to them with his arms folded. "Because we have to put our little girl first," Changbin said softly under Juyeon's deadly glaze. "You mean after letting false rumours in the past to affect my daughter," he spat out as you closed your eyes not wanting to see the Civilness Changbin had offered shot down. "Look Binnie sorry he really is he shouldn't have acted like that," , "he hasn't apologised to me," Juyeon cut Christopher off. "I'm sorry, I acted on insecurity and impulse," Changbin said still keeping calm despite Juyeon's anger. "Fine I accept your apology, I appreciate the civilness. Infact I have a gift for you," he said calmly as he passed a bag to Changbin. "Thanks mate you didn't need to," he said as he opened the bag all while Juyeon smirked in your direction.

"Oh wow prenatal medication, wow that's really sweet of you man thank you," Changbin said as he looked at Christopher. Meanwhile your heart was thundering a million miles per hour as you felt air a challenge to take in. "Well the least I can do now she's not pregnant with your child is to protect her when she could be pregnant with mine," he smirked your way.

It was like wind was taken from you as you stumbled backwards into the kitchen island. You didn't look to see Christopher’s reaction but you could feel his eyes closing in on you. "I'm confused," Changbin scoffed as Juyeon laughed. "Your girlfriend was with me last night in my bed," Juyeon said slowly so he could understand. "What is he saying Y/N?” Changbin asked looking to you with hope in his eyes. "I don't know," you mumbled before Christopher grabbed you by the arms to face him.

"The least you can do for us is not lie. I know you left that club with him Hyunjae told me as your friend rang him," he said as you heard Changbin whimper slightly. "Wait you knew that but didn't tell me yourself," he said sounding hurt. "Binnie she had to tell us, plus I didn't know they slept together. I was hoping it wasn't what I feared," he said looking over at you and your face hit the floor words failing you. "Y/N tell us he's lying please," Changbin said turning you to face him as tears started to spill. "Please please say you didn't," he said shaking you slightly as all you could muster was a sorry that was barely audible. With your words Changbin's hand dropped from you as Juyeon laughed. "You thought I was the player but she is," he spat out with venom in his voice. "She's the woman who always throws herself at men, she was when we was kids, she is now because I tell you something she didn't even put up much of a fight. Infact she was talking about leaving you," he sneered as your head snapped to him.

"Lies I never said I would leave them," you bit out. "That's why I left the second I came to my senses when I woke up," you growled his way making him laugh harder. "The only reason why you left is because your a coward. You always run away from the problems you cause. You ran when you played me with Sangyeon and Hyunjae, you ran when you fell pregnant. You would have run if Jubin wasn't unwell. Taking her from me again. You ran today after telling me you loved me always," he said sounding in pain. "What hurts me the most is you make out I'm a player, when I grew up and you didn't," he added as the room went silent. "Before you throw Elle and Lulu at me just remember your now no better. Me, Elle and Lulu were kids, what's your excuse your a full blown adult," he spat out as you felt like his words sliced you with a knife.

"I didn't have it recorded for everyone to see," you barked out as Juyeon laughed. "Enough Y/N, you're in the wrong and you can't get out of it this time. We have asked you at every opportunity we could if you wanted him. You swore you didn't, you swore it was us. You even had me believing you recently it was just us you wanted. If anything this proves we was right on our instincts," Christopher said disappointed. "Why am I getting the heat it takes two to tango," you snap feeling like they were ganging up on you. "Because we're fucking you not him," Changbin snapped slamming his fist down as his final resolve snapped. "You played us," he whimpered after the room fell silent. "What hurts the most is you had unprotected sex with him just after telling me I was trapping you for wanting a baby," he said with pure pain in his eyes. "You wanted a baby to keep me," you said as his eyes widened as he tried to calm his resolve. "Seems you wanted a baby with him to keep him," Changbin bit back as he snapped his finger at Juyeon. "I didn't, I took the morning after pill immediately. I didn't mean to sleep with him, I didn't set out to I promise," you whimpered trying to hold on to his hands as he shook it off. "I'm sorry guys but I need to go I can't listen to this bullshit," Juyeon said snapping into the air. Your eyes fell to his and they looked just as much in pain as Changbin's. "Your lucky you have Jubin watching this in the car otherwise I would knocked you out. Because your not innocent in this," Changbin growled with his fist tightening. "But do you know what your right you win, take her with you I don't want her here, I don't want to ever set my eyes on her neither," Changbin growled out as you heard Christopher gasp behind you. "Binnie let's calm down, lets talk this through," the elder panicked. "No, I can bring up another man child because we walked into that situation, I love that girl with all my heart. But I don't want her, I don't want someone who lies and cheats," he said looking at Christopher only. "So she's yours take her, we're sort out Jubin later. Because I refuse to believe your the kind of man who would hurt your daughter just to hurt us," he said looking at Juyeon who's eyes still refused to look your way. "I don't want her neither, I'm out I don't want to play her game no more," he said before walking to the door. "I promise you I won't stop Jubin seeing you both though if you decide to kick her to the curb," he said before banging the door as he left. You watched as he walked towards the car, the room icy silence as you watched him drive away.

"I said you can leave now," Changbin bit out bringing your attention back. "Binnie," Christopher pleaded as your head buzzed with pain as you were struggling to come to terms with what was happening. "No Chris, all we've done is give her what she wanted. Yet she hurt us in the most unimaginable way. I knew she loved him, but she made out point blank she wasn't. But to sleep with him behind our back, nope I'm done," he said looking at him. "I'm done," he spat out towards you. "Do I need to call Hyunjae to drag you from this house?" He questioned arms folded. "Please just let me explain," you whimpered as he mockingly laughed. "Fine, do you love Lee Juyeon?” he asked as your heart thundered under his question. It was like a cross bow because what ever you answered it wouldn't be good enough. If you agreed he would have his fears confirmed, if you denied it he wouldn't believe you. But the latter was your only chance, you needed them, Jubin needed them. "No i don't," you cried which as you knew furiated him even more. "See even now you can't be honest to us," Christopher said before Changbin could. "Look I think maybe you should go to Kevin's tonight, we can talk later when everythings calmed down," he said looking at you silently softer then Changbin. "But I don't want to," you pleaded as Christopher looked to Changbin sightly torn. "Why because Kevin won't shag you, hey do you know what I’ll help you out," he scoffed as he grabbed his phone scrolling through. "Hyunjin I'm sure will be up for a night of unattached fun, let me hit him up for you," Changbin seethed your way. "So you want me to leave?" You asked feeling weakened by his attack. "Yes, if it wasn't for Jubin I would have wished I never met you," he growled as the tears start to fall. "You can show those tears all you like but remember you did this to us. You, not Me, not Chris. You can't even put all the blame on Juyeon because At least he warned me what he was going to do," Changbin hit out shaking. "Is this what you want too?" You said with pleading eyes Christopher's way. "I think it's best for now, let's all sleep on it," Christopher said calmer as you softly nodded feeling defeated. "Don't say the sleep word, she’ll use that as an excuse to get in to someone else’s bed," Changbin mocked which has Christopher deadpan him. "Ok ring me when your ready to talk," you said walking towards the door. "That’ll be never," Changbin hit out behind you as you looked his way once more pure anger in his features. "Wait Y/N you need a coat or some clothes," Christopher said out to you. "Don't worry about me, it seems I'm not your problem anymore. I came into this relationship with nothing it's only fair I leave with nothing," you said feeling sorry for yourself. " Goodbye don't let the door hit you on the way out," Changbin said making your heart ache with his venomous words. "Changbin," Christopher scolded, as he rolled his eyes and walked out the room shouting 'what ever,' over his shoulder. "Please Y/N take something to keep you warm," Christopher pleaded. "Thank you for always being sweet to me even when I've always let you down. He's right though I need to fend for myself. I'll be ok though I'm sure," you said trying to reassure Christopher who looked close to tears himself. With that you kissed his forehead and walked out the house.

-------------------------🔺----------------------------

Hiding in Jacob's & Lia's House hadn't been easy. Lia wasn't pleased with your presence. Jacob was conflicted being a friend of Juyeon and Christopher especially. He had tried to encourage you to go and stay with Kevin but you were avoiding him yourself. You knew the harsh words that would come from him and Haknyeon. Seeing the texts of theirs and Hyunjae’s disappointment had really sunk in how you had messed up. You knew the only reason why Jacob had relented was because of Jubin. Ryujin had already moaned that she was annoyed being the mediator between everyone. Herself and Minho being the third party support system in transport Juyeon from her now three homes. You could see in your texts from Christopher and Juyeon you hadn't been forgiven in any way. Changbin hadn't even bothered contacting you which you expected. "You can't stay here forever, you really need to start thinking of a permanent plan," Jacob said softly as he sat next to you at the dinner table as you enjoyed your coffee. "I know but the only other option I have right now is unfair on the guys," you said looking into your cup. "Why are you moving country?" He laughed as you smiled watching his amusement. "No, Dads offered me to move back home with Jubin. But going back home Means taking Jubin away from her fathers," you said pouting. "And what's the problem with that it's not like it's that far away," Jacob scoffed making you wish it was that simpler. "Because they would say I'm running away again," you said sipping your hot liquid. "Why do you care what they think?" He asked intrigued. "Because they made that point to me and I never realised that I have a history of running. I need to change, for Jubin but also for myself," you said speaking honestly.

"Their right all I've ever done is put myself first, even when I hurt the two most kindest people in my life. I was too focused on my own selfish needs. I need to be less selfish," you said watching the ripple of your drink placing it down. "If Juyeon can change I should at least try," you said looking up to him smiling warmly. "I'm proud of you Y/N," he said as you smiled back. "But as much as you want to change you have to work with what you have. I'm sure if you had a constructive conversation they would be able to find a middle ground," he said as you nodded. ---------------------🔺-----------------

With plans made with your father, you text the group chat with them asking for the days of contact to be moved to fit around the slight long distance. You didn't mention that you were moving away as you felt that was your personal life that you now had to remove from them. Juyeon had been more then happy with that suggestion, Christopher said he would need more time to think it through. Changbin wrote his first message your way. 'Why should we run around after you, you messed our family up why do we have to be punished.’ You couldn't do right for wrong even now and though you deserved it you felt a little angered. 'This is the easier option to avoid you guys running around more,' you replied hoping you wouldn't need to go into detail. 'I don't care we are not having our days messed around,' Changbin wrote back as your head hit into the table in despair but also guilt. 'I'm homeless, I have a place that’s far away from here,' you typed watching as three dots worked underneath. 'Running away again?' Changbin hit out as you shook your head you knew it was coming. 'Where are you going?' Juyeon wrote as you couldn't help but smile a little. 'Back to my dads,' you wrote honestly as the dots appeared again. 'That's good Jubin would love to start seeing her grandad more. She told me how she would like to visit him soon so she will be pleased,' he replied as you were content with his civilness. 'Thanks,' you wrote back you wanted to add for the support but you didn't want to anger Changbin further.

----------------------------🔺-------------------------

It had been another week and it was your last day before moving back to your fathers. You didn't really have much to pack especially as your stuff was at Changbin's & Christopher's. You didn't really fancy meeting up with them to collect it. You had been surprised when Kevin arrived, you hadn't really spoke to him much, but you was still glad to see him. But you were even more surprised when he said he would take you to Sangyeon’s.

"Christopher's taken all yours and some of Jubin's stuff there," he explained when you looked at him puzzled. "Why didn't he just pass it to you," you scoffed rolling your eyes. "Because I'm your friend, I don't think he wants to see us, me and Hak remind them of you," he said sitting down on the chair opposite. "He has my daughter I’m sure that reminds them every day," you bit out without thinking as Kevin looked at you with raised eyebrows. "Don't be a complete asshole Y/N, you know they love her and that they won't ever push her away," he said with his usual sass. "I don't want to push them away from her," you said softly that made him look at you with a brief supportive glance. "That's good to hear it's our job as adults to make this as pain free to Jubin as we can," he said as you nodded. "I know I've already made it so hard for her and now she has it awkward with me and Juyeon and me and them. Yes I know I'm the one to blame for that," you said admitting your guilt. "Juyeon too, he went through that all just to chew you out," he scoffed as you grimaced.

"I hurt him just as much, I knew my feeling was for him and instead of admitting it I left the guys who supported me through everything going for longer in hell," you said biting your lip to stop the stinging in your eyes. "Have you told them that?" He asked as you shook your head silently. "No they wouldn't listen, rather Changbin wouldn't. He hates me so much and if I'm honest their is nothing I can say that will ever change that," you said feeling sad for everything lost between you both. He had been your biggest supporter over the last couple years and yet was the one you hurt the most. "I don't think he hates you he's just hurting so much. He's made himself become someone he didn't like, to still lose you anyway," he said as you understood what he meant. You had made him insecure but messing with his intuition. He feared you returning to Juyeon before Jubin was even born and yet that's what you did to him.

"I know it's what hurts the most that I made him like that," you said as Kevin gave a sympathetic look. "What about Juyeon?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. "What about him?" You replied as pain shot through you. You had built so much anger on him that you hadn't even acknowledge how you felt towards him. "You're in love with him Y/N, can you Atleast admit that?" He asked as you nodded words failing to fall. "Then why are you not fighting for him?" He asked which had you shocked. "Kevin Moon are you trying to be team Juyeon? I thought you were team Binnie and Chris?" You scoffed amused as he looked at you with raised brows. "I'm team Y/N, and the fact you ended up sleeping with Juyeon tells me that your team Juyeon," he says as your brain feels pressure from a headache that your sure is the juyeon avoidance.

"I'm team Y/N too, No men in my life. Plus it seems I've hurt Juyeon too so it's a good thing," you said rubbing your temples. "Juyeon is Team Y/N as well regardless how hurt he is. You really think taking a morning after pill and pushing him away after you slept with him that he will let you go?" He questions as you remembered his broken face. "You didn't see that hurt in his eyes. He's right I didn't realise I had been hurting him so much just from a silly mistake he did as a kid," you said as the sudden attack of guilt from his own words hit you. "Hey he was a right dick at college don't go easy on him. Remember those words he said when he heard he was going to be a dad. Yes he says it's different response because it was you. But what if you wasn't you. He isn't innocent in this, personally I think both of you are bad as each other," he ranted showing his true anti Juyeon colours. "Oh hi Kevin their you are," you chuckled. "I don't feel an inch sorry for Juyeon let's put that point across. But he is Jubin's dad and I hate to admit it he is really good with her," he said relaxing in his chair looking like he’s torn finding something positive about him.

"What I'm saying is Jubin brings out the best of him and maybe now as he seems to have settled himself down. That maybe settling down with him won't be the worse thing in the world. Especially as we know he loves you and you love him," he said as you remembered all those cherished moments as a family with him. The way he would tenderly look after your little girl but also with you too. However, with those memories came Changbin and Christopher's everything you had shared as a family unit. Thinking of something with Juyeon felt like it wasn't allowed still.

"I can't that would be wrong to Binnie and Chris," you said biting your lip remembering their broken faces too. "Y/N I can concretely say that that ship has sailed. Binnie won't forgive such a deceit like this. Christopher knows your in love with Juyeon he won't ever fall into a world where Y/N pretends she's not in love with someone else," he said as his words really stung. "Even still i don't want to hurt them more rubbing salt in the wounds," you reply as silence fills the room.

"So if they was to give you their blessing then what?" Kevin said after a long minute of silence. "You met Changbin right!" You chuckled. Christopher would in time but Changbin would never give you his blessing it wasn't his style especially as right now he was hurting so bad. "Humour me Y/N," he sharply asked you. "Look I don't know, all I know is right now I need to work on me. I need to be a better person, I need to go to Fathers and be a good mum to Jubin," you replied shunning the topic. He looked at you almost wanting to push further but before he could continue he shut himself down.

--------------------------🔺---------------------------

It felt surreal being back at Sangyeons house. This very home being the reason why you and Juyeon wasn't together. It felt like collecting your stuff here was their revenge to hurt you. "Y/N," Sangyeon came out to the car to hug you tightly. "I wish you came to us, I could have put you up," he said holding you tightly by your arms. "Can I change your mind?" He said as you smiled as his always warm response to you. "I need a new life away from here, away from all the memories of every fuck up," you said as he pulled his arm around you and walked you to the house, Kevin following behind. "Well I hope you remember to visit us if you come back to town again," he said as you stepped into the living room.

It was when your memories flooded you. You could see the kitchen from where you stood. It was where Juyeon got jealous of Jacob and was planning the game of truth and dare. But also just metres where you stood was where you kissed Sangyeon. The moment when you both had tried to convince Juyeon and Lulu that you were an item. It was the first moment where you acted bitterly and that moment of wanting them to believe you was a player yourself. Deep down you enjoyed the power to hurt someone like they hurt you. You swore you wouldn't act bitterly any further. Yet instead you went onto do far worse. "Are you ok?" Sangyeon said to you with slight concern. "Just loads of memories being back here," you said smiling towards him. "Some good ones too I hope," he said smirking knowing where your mind had gone as you nodded. "We put your stuff in the spare room, I know their be stuff you don't want to take so go through it. What you leave I will deal with and what you want, put in the hallway and I will put it in the car," he said as you nodded silently. "Do you want to do it now or have a drink first?" He asked as you shook your head. "I really want to get it sorted as soon as possible," you admitted not wanting to be in the house with the overpowering memories any longer then you had to.

Following Sangyeon he took you to the room as you froze his way. "My stuffs in here?" You whimpered as he looked at you guiltly. "Ironic I know but it's the spare room for that reason," he said looking pained. You felt sorry for him in that second. One of his former girlfriend’s best friends had married his younger brother. Meaning he couldn't get away from the whole Juyeon and Lulu drama. "I’ll leave you to go through them, but if you need me just call," he said looking guilty. He seemed so desperate to get away from the room and you wish you could too. But the room of pain was about to swallow you, the room where they slept together was about to consume another pain too.

Stepping into the room you had been expected to find boxes and junk with hours of pain to hit you. But instead you found Juyeon Christopher and Changbin. Before you could bolt out the room the door shut and locked. Turning to face it you tried to escape as the knob wouldn't work with you. "Sorry but you guys need to talk," you heard Kevin the other side. The sneaky little shit had clearly followed behind you. "You planned this on top of putting up with him?" Changbin scoffed to Christopher as you realised he was equally set up. "We need to talk this through all of us, we need to put things right for Jubin's sake," Christopher scoffed. "So you locked us all in a room, that didn't work out well last time," you said with shakey breath. "Last time we was all hurt and angry," Christopher said warmly your way. "I'm still hurt and angry," Changbin growled out. "Sorry," you said barely audible. "That counts for nothing, you tore my family apart," he growled your way, venom still in his voice. "Right enough, we each are going to say what we want to say to each other. Not a single word can be said till it's your turn to speak do you get it," he demanded with a rare sense of authority as the room silenced.

But for a second yours and Juyeon's eyes found each other. He looked dishevelled and not as glowing as usual. His silence as he stood to the window let him know he wasn't happy being in this room neither. "I will start," Christopher said turning to Juyeon. "This is really hard, you have no idea how hard this is for me. You think I'm ok with this because I'm the one trying to be calm. Because I love Jubin so much I will go through hell for her. But beneath that I hate you, I hate you so much. I hate that your Jubin's father and I'm not biologically. I hate that now I don't even have Y/N I'm even more less of a father then I ever was. I hate that though I knew Y/N was never mine you still took her. I won't lie, I wish Jubin didn't get so sick so I didn't have to keep my promise to let you into her life to save her. Even though deep down I know you would have saved her even if I didn't promise that. Because I hate that despite the image we had that you couldn't ever be a dad your one amazing father that that kid could ever want. It hurts so much that I'm the outsider with the child I put my all into to bring up," he said as tears fell down his eyes. The words having an equal effect as Juyeon looked pain to hear them. But you felt the tears drop from yours as Christopher faced you.

"As for you Y/N I wish I could hate you I wish the hatred I reserved for him I could place on you. You have hurt me so much but the very man I loved. I begged him to be a part of yours and Jubin's life. I made him fall in love with you and despite his warnings you hurt me so much. Not just with my own pain but witnessing his pain too. But I can't hate you, I've tried, I've tried so much," he paused to fight for breath to continue. "But theirs a massive great big ass hole in my heart. A silence in the house that even Jubin’s loud sassiness can't fill. I love and miss you so much it hurts. What hurts more is I know I can ask you to come home you would. For maybe a few months we would be ok. But your never be in love with us the same way. You're in love with Juyeon, though he has done some things in the past to hurt you. It's clear from those that knew him back then that he's changed. He did that for you and Jubin," he paused walking towards you as he cupped your face catching the tears that was falling. "Don't hurt more people then you need to. Me and Changbin should be only the only ones to bear this pain. Though he won't admit it right now, don't hurt us for nothing. Promise us your keep Jubin our little princess and we will give you the blessing to be with Juyeon. Even though please give Changbin time to get use to it all before he settles into that," he finished letting his hand pull up to stop Changbin saying anything. Hearing those words, seeing his pain hurt, it hurt so much. You had done this to the most gentle people on earth. Even still he was giving you permission to be with the man who had taken everything from him.

"Baby, we have gone through so much hardship haven't we," he turned to Changbin who was sobbing. "But we didn't do it in vain, we got to bring up Jubin for four years just us. I think even you would admit their was amazing things we witnessed as parents. Even if it ends tomorrow and we never see her again," he paused to choke back a sob as Changbin tears streamed down his face. "We have had four amazing years, five if you include to now. Where we have been that little girls world. I don't know about you but I don't regret that for a second. However, we will if we hold on to this anger more then we need to. Please can I have one more wish, can you do one more thing for me. Humour me one more time and find it in your heart to search for the forgiveness. Not for them but for you, us and for Jubin, please," he begged as Changbin placed his hands in his. The pain on them both was more pain then you could witness especially knowing it was at the cost of what you had done. Holding Changbin in his arms they sobbed while you and Juyeon just stood their and watched.

After a while Christopher stood back and nodded at him. "I will try, but it hurts so much. What they've done to our family is so hard to come to terms with and I'm not coping coming to terms to our family being split up," he sobbed holding Christopher’s hand. "But I love you and Jubin more then the world itself and I will try that's all I can promise. Just promise me you won't leave me if I can't try forever," he pleaded as Christopher nodded. Turning to Juyeon his face tensing as he gulped. "Be honest please don't hold back," Juyeon said eyes watering. "Trust me I plan to, if I have to find a way to like you for a second I will tell you what you've done to us, both of you so I hope your listening too," he bites out momentarily looking your way. "I hated you when I heard about you, I hated you when I realised who you were. But I was happy too knowing you was the man who cheated on his fiancée with a stripper. It meant you wouldn't take my family away. But you did, you wormed your way into my family and blew it apart. Pretending you had changed and you wasn't even tempted to go there. Yet the second Jubin knew who you were you jumped on that. I will give you both the blessing you need on one deal. You never ever take that girl from us because regardless how any of us feel. That girl has seen us as her dads since she was born. We were the one she learnt to talk to. I was the first man she called daddy. We held her hand as she learnt to walk, cheered when she had her first smile, walked, ran, talked, learnt her colours, could even write her name, that was us. Actually no that's a lie the learning part was him," he said pausing to look at Christopher. "I know we have to share firsts with you and we will miss a lot of them but we were important to her to have them. So please don't ever make out to her that we're nothing to her. Please I beg you, please don't hurt us anymore then you have." he begged as Juyeon nodded. "I promise you i won't," he said as Changbin turned to look at you.

"I'm so very angry I don't think theirs a word in the dictionary that can explain how angry I am with you right now. You didn't just cheat, you gave fake promises. As strangers you promised honesty and then deceived us instead. I can't find it in me yet to forgive you. It's going to take longer then it will do with Juyeon. Because we loved you more then you can ever know. We can kind of understand a man's desire to get his family back. He owed us nothing, yet you promised us things you couldn't keep. Instead of telling us what we feared so we could have talked it through. You denied it, hid feelings you couldn't and hurt us further in the process. Because even if you don't admit it to yourself, I already knew you was in love with him the second you saw him everything flashed back. The second him and Lulu split up you knew you still loved him. If you had been honest their and then we could have reached it much more calmer for everyone involved. But instead because I knew it I became someone I wasn't proud of. I'm not blaming you because I have to take ownership that my insecurity went to a level it never should. I'm sorry for the way I behaved, to both of you," Changbin said as Christopher held his hand smiling at him proudly. "Which one of you is going first?," Christopher said as you put your finger up into the air.

"Binnie," you said holding his hand and being surprised when he didn't take it away. "I should have been strong enough to protect you like you protected me. I should have told you my real feelings instead of leaving it to boil till I hurt you in the worst way possible," you paused as his eyes watered again with your words. "I'm sorry I made you become someone you didn't like, but I think your being too hard on your self. I played you in a game I wasn't aware I was playing. I knew I didn't promise you at the start. But because of the loyalty I felt I had to and that makes it worse because I stopped becoming loyal in lies while trying to be loyal. I've messed up really badly and I have to take that on and own it. I know your going to be angry for a long time and I know how hard it will be for a while. But know that I cherished every second I spent with you both. Know that I miss you every day and though I didn't love you enough," you paused breathing in deeply admitting it for the first time. "Know that I did love you, you were my best friend who would take my side in every argument even if you knew I was wrong. Listen to my struggles when I couldn't cope even if you were struggling yourself. I miss that, I miss you, I think that’s why I held on selfishly as long as I could. Because losing you like that it's worse then losing you as my partner," you admitted as he warmly smiled for the first time. "I'll tell Kevin and Hak shall I that I got their job," he joked that made you smile how easily he had dethawed. "I promise you both I won't ever let Jubin be taken away. She's still your daughter, no one can take that from you I won't let it.

Turning to Christopher your hands took his too. "I'm so sorry I gave you this beautiful picture of a everlasting family. And though you acknowledged some troubled waters, I made it seem more tranquil then it was. What hurts the most is I don't regret it, I don't regret asking for your help to raise her. Because watching you fuss around after her, parents me and Changbin too has been the best beginning of an upbringing for her. Though we haven't got to the end result we wanted. I promise you will get the end game you need with her. Because I owe you that for saving my life," you then turn to Juyeon words almost failing you.

"Be honest even if you don't want us to hear it. We need to, to let you go," Christopher said softly as he rested his hand on your shoulder. "I love you," you said almost feeling the wind taken from you. Hurting when you heard Changbin choke softly behind you. "I'm sorry I took that from you when i told you that, I'm sorry for running away, I have no excuses I don't even know why I did what I did. I don't know why I feel the need to run when things get too much. But that's a me problem that I have to work on when I get to my dads. "Changbin’s Correct. I did fall back in love with you at the wedding but he's wrong when. It was when you saved Jubin's life, I knew that second I was in trouble. I tried to hide it to protect my stable life. The more I spent time with you as parents the more the dream I wanted when I found I was pregnant was coming alive. I was stuck with confusion, confliction, loyalty even if it was wrapped in deceit in the end. Even now i don't think I've unwrapped how deep my feelings are. I was too grossed in blaming the past for where things were going wrong I forgot to see that things happened for a reason. What happened meant you got to grow, I got to meet these two. Though it hurt me as you wasn't ready they got to give Jubin stability when she needed it the most. All I can say and I won't stop saying it is I'm sorry to all of you," you said looking at the floor.

"She told you she loved you please don't hold back for us," Christopher said softly as Juyeon stood straight and nervous. "I'm not going to give any excuses, or any apologies. Not Because you don't deserve them but because you need actions not words. I won't be registering Jubin as my daughter, your home can remain her main home," he said making Christopher tilt his head in surprise. "She is the most important person in my life, doesn't matter how many pony's I give her it's you guys she needs the most, and her mother obviously," he said short and simply before looking to you.

"I need actions not words from you too, because I think I've faced a life time of punishment from my actions when I was younger. Though I'm grateful for your support in making me a better person for our daughter. Thanks for admitting you loved me even though I know that was hard to admit to them too. He said before sloping back towards the wall as silence hit the room. "Why are you not chasing her Juyeon?" Christopher questioned. "Because Rome isn't built in a day, I'm not saying one day I won't build Rome with her. But today I'm not ready," he admitted before looking your way. "Even if I love her so badly it hurts like crazy," he adds as a tear escapes his eyes. "For fuck sake now I am mad, Y/N do you want to be with him," Changbin asked as you nodded. "Their you go mate, don't make me go through hell when you both love each other this much," he snapped with annoyance beneath his pain. "Like I said not today," he whispered as he made himself go towards the door.

"Sangyeon I know your watching this you've got your piece of entertainment now let us out," he snapped looking towards the corner of the room. Eyes snapping up, the camera still there showing them what was going on beneath the door. Opening the door Sangyeon looked at him guilty. "You're a fool if you walk away now," he groaned as he smiled his way. "A relationship can't be built on a burning building the fire has to settle before you can rebuild," he said tapping his shoulder. "Don't you love her?" Kevin's scoffed out. "I do, I love her more then I ever have, I'm doing this for her," he said stepping away down the stairs. "Even if you never see her again?" Kevin scoffs as he turns to face him with a slight look of horror in his face. "She promised she wouldn't run away, right?" He added looking at you. "I won't run away this time, he knows my number if he needs it," you said reaching the stairway as he looks up to you in pain before leaving. "Bloody fool that's what you are," Kevin yells out as your hand finds his shoulder. "Let him go, I think we all need a fresh new start," you said hating to admit how much your heart hurt from watching him walk away. "Sangyeon," you said as he looked your way with concern. "Where’s my actual stuff?" You questioned as Christopher walked into the hall way. "Don't blame him it was my idea the only way I could get everyone to talk," he said as he placed his hand on Sangyeon’s shoulder. "But I have your things back at home when your ready to come back and collect them you can," he said as you smiled his way. "Thanks but I don't think I'm ready just yet to see a home that's not my home no more," you said feeling reality hit you. "I would say come back but," , "No Christopher don't do this don't make yourself and Binnie experience worse pain. We all need this fresh start," you said as you rested your hand on his shoulder before looking to Kevin. "I want to go home can you take me please," you said with tears in your eyes as he nodded.

-------------------🔺-------------------

You drove to your new home with just the clothes on your back and your mobile, Just like you had six years prior. But you wasn't running away you was giving space to those you hurt. "Are you ok?" Kevin asked as you nodded silently. "Don't lie," he said as his hands gently patted your knee. "It hurts so badly, I don't want to leave them all," you cried letting the tears pour. Kevin pulled the car up and hugged you tightly. ------------------🔺--------------------

It had been six months and everything was beginning to settle in. You would drop Jubin to school on a Monday morning and collect her from school Friday afternoon while she spent two nights each with Changbin and Christopher and then Juyeon. Jubin would tell you and your father all about her time with her three dads. It was like she wasn't fazed that you didn't live with Christopher and Changbin anymore. You rarely saw or spoke to them unless it was about Jubin on the group chat. During the weeks you worked at a local cafe. Kevin and Haknyeon would pop in occasionally and you would enjoy drinking a coffee during your break. But both of them avoiding the topic of Juyeon. You missed him like crazy like their was a hole without him in your life. Most nights you went to bed miserable without him. -------------------🔺-------------------

It had been Jubin’s nativity play that got you all in the same room once more. Juyeon's hair was gelled back, and he looked much more confident again. His eyes were twinkling like he was in pure happiness. Though you had spoken just brief words as he sat beside you, Changbin and Christopher his brief but warm smile made your stomach fill with dread. Was he dating someone? You felt wrong for fearing it and being jealous, but your eyes fell to your hands. "I can't wait to see our beautiful pretty angel," Christopher said as you both looked at him so happy and excited to see her. "She's going to be the star of the show you watch," Juyeon said with pure pride that made you smile with a bitter sweet moment of content. How the unit was working perfectly for once.

She came out full of smiles and excitement when she noticed you all sat there. Changbin with his phone filming every second he could, Juyeon capturing the highlights with his as you and Christopher was content watching your little girl remember her lines. She was the most mini Juyeon she could be. When he went on stage at college he would perform with such charisma. Almost making any character come alive as if it wasn't him behind. You would watch in awe even before you were an item. So to see her show his acting skills was so warm to see. Clapping like crazy at the end that got loads of attention from the other parents put the biggest smile on her face. Changbin got to her first, swinging her in the air. "Oh Princess you were the biggest Angel their," he said with pride. "Daddy Bin I’m Mary not an Angel," she said pouting. "Well your my Angel," he scoffed as he placed her in Juyeon’s arms. The beautiful gesture between the two of whom once hated each other was warm to see. Christopher felt it too, placing his hand on your shoulder to smile warmly your way. "I’m your princess not an angel," she said in sass as Changbin grabbed her cheeks and placed a kiss on them. "Your both, and I'm so proud of you," Juyeon said pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Can we all have dinner together as I've been so good," she pleaded as Juyeon placed her on the floor. "Yes I think that's a great idea," Christopher said looking at you. You briefly looked Juyeon's way to see him contently nodding as you duplicated.

Sitting around the table you listen to Jubin tell all her story's from behind the scenes. "She's going to be an actress one day I’m certain," Christopher said to you as you looked at Juyeon. "Their was a time at college when people wanted Juyeon to be in the drama department," you said fondly that had him blush. "Daddy you use to be an actor?" Jubin asked as he looked down at her scuffing her hair. "Not quite baby, but yes I did a few theatre roles. But not as good as you though," he said as food was being placed down. "What was Daddy like at school,” Jubin asked as Christopher coughed, Juyeon eyes widened in fear. "Mummy probably can't remember it was that long ago," Changbin said before looking your way. "No i can remember," you said as Juyeon looked at you in pure fear. "He was liked, he had loads of friends like you, it's why you got some amazing Samchons," you smiled. "I wouldn't say Samchon Sunwoo’s amazing, he acts more like a child then Lily and she's a baby," she scoffed as you all laughed. "But Daddy was clever, and good at drama. He was amazing at Dance too, like Daddy has some good moves," you said as he blushed. "People even said he was part of the student committee president in elementary school and received the National Assemblyman's Commendation," you said watching Juyeon look at you in surprise. "Where did you hear that?" He questioned as you smirked his way. "Eric told me," you smiled back. "Why is it not true?" You asked as he looked at you with a glow on his face. "No it is true, just didn't know you did your research," he said surprised as you drank your Diet Coke. "Well I made note of all the positive things, I held on to those parts of you," you said letting him know that you had finally came to a place to forgive him.

You had spent several times on the phone with Eric asking about things he was like growing up so the bad memories were wiped. "Can't believe you quizzed my own best mate about me," he scoffed looking impressed. The dinner went well and you and Juyeon waved Jubin off as she went for her night with Christopher and Changbin. You shivered slightly as he took his jacket off and placed it around you. "Thanks," you said shyly. "Don't fall ill Y/N," he said wrapping your scarf around your chest properly. "I will try to not be ill," you said letting your cheek blush with his closeness. "How are you getting home?" He asked knowing the long distance back home. "I'm going to sleep at Haknyeon's, Kevin will take me and Jubin home tomorrow," you said feeling safe in Juyeon’s winter warms. "Have you rang him yet to come and get you?" He asked as you shook your head. "Fancy a coffee? Either at mine or at a cafe. I can drive you back to Haknyeon's house when your ready to go home." He said as you thought quietly.

"Coffee at yours sounds good," you said hoping for a much more private time. Jumping into the car the quick twenty minute drive sped through as you heard how he had fallen for Eric's baby Lily. That Eric would bring his daughter over each week for Jubin to hold. "She's such a sweetie, makes me appreciate Christopher and Changbin a lot more. But I also wish I was part of Jubin’s life at that age too," he said parking the car. "You sound so broody I'm surprised you haven't settled down already," you joked trying to avoid the topic of the past. "No when I have another baby, it will be when I find a perfect relationship. Right now their isn't anyone," he said turning the engine off. "No one at all?" You question as he smiles shaking his head. "Well that's a lie theirs one girl, but it's complicated," he admitted as your heart fell. You regretted the change of topic and wish you stuck with the past.

"What cakes you got to go with the coffee?" You questioned with another change of topic. "I got some ice cream I don't know if that's better or not," he said as you playfully rolled your eyes at him.

Putting your phone down from texting Haknyeon to take the coffee Juyeon made you. Juyeon returned to the freezer to get the tub of ice cream. Passing you it and the spoon he sat beside you. "Oooh Strawberry flavour," you said lightheartedly. "That's Jubin's, I will need to get her a new tub in the morning," he said watching you scoop a spoonful up. "So have you met anyone?" He asked as you shook your head putting the spoon in and enjoying the delight. "I think I've made too much of a mess of relationships," you admitted as he looked a little sad. "You know messes happen for a reason. It's for you to build yourself better, stronger so you can make the real relationships last," he said as he took a spoon and took some. "I know but what if I'm not ready for one yet. I never want to hurt anyone again," you admitted. "We're quite a pair, you won't have a relationship because you fear you will hurt the guy. The reason why I won't pursue mine is I'm scared that they will never trust me again," he said letting his eyes lock with yours. "Trust you again? Why what did you do?" You whispered feeling dread that their was someone in the last six months.

"You see I cheated on her," he admitted as your heart fell. Was he up to his old games? Is that what you did to him made him go backwards? "When I found her again and we slept together. I went and told her partners what we did. I acted irrationally, I don't even want to see it from her point of view that she was scared of losing her stability and I let her walk away," he added taking another scoop. "Now I'm scared she would never trust me not because I'm a cheat but because I abandoned her," he added placing it into your mouth as your words failed you. "All I wanted to do was reach out to her but the longer it went the harder it was," he said as he wiped the drop of ice cream off your lips. "Maybe she was waiting for the same? Maybe she was wishing every day you would call her," you said letting him know. "I would say she probably was a mess without him, filled with regret for the pain she caused," you said as his eyes watered hearing your words. "I love her so much not a single day has gone by when I haven't loved or missed her," he said cupping your face. "She will know how you feel, because she feels it too. By the way she does trust you, because you were young when you made the mistake. She understands why you wasn't ready to forgive her then. Plus he said Rome could be built another day," you said with your voice low. "Take her to Rome," you added as he bit his lower lip. "I can't," he said closing his eyes briefly. "Why not,” you tilted your head feeling deflated. "Because Rome came to me instead," he smiled as he pressed his lips to yours.

Your kiss was gentle, his lips kissing you moments before his tongue came to action. His hands placing yours under to move you to straddle him all without your lips parting. His hands after a while fall to your top as he helps to undress you. Lips falling onto your neck as he suckles against them marking blemishes. "You don't need to mark me I'm yours," you hiss and he chuckles. "I'm marking you Because your mine," he growls before biting in a little more harsher. "Fuck," you whimper despite your core throbbing enjoying his torture. Grabbing the ice cream he takes a spoon and feeds you as he takes one for himself. Without swallowing he takes his mouth to your nipple. The ice cream making your nipple cold and errect. He slides the ice cream that's now dribbling down you to the other nipple, repeating the same before swallowing what is left. Looking at the dribble mess of the melted treat he starts licking up your body.

His eyes on fire as they don't leave yours. "I think you should be my personal dessert," he says looking hungry your way. Standing up your hands wrestles with his T-shirt. "Patience baby?" He whispers flicking his finger in front of you. "But you have me almost naked," you whine as he smirks which has your breath stop in its tracks. "You're my dessert that's why. I'm going to lick the sweetness from you and then fuck you," he threatens with darkened eyes full of lust. Placing his hand against your chest he gently pushes you backwards so you're laying on the table, your legs dangling off. His lips find your skin above your navel as he helps to pull your bottoms off. Finger tips wresting above of the band of your pants as he slowly removes them. The warm sensation of his lips has your skin fill with goosebumps. Another spoonful of ice cream which has melted further gets dribbled all over your body. The mischievous smirk when he's engrossed using the mixture as if it's icing on a cake. When he's finished making a mess he removes his top and you almost feel like combusting. You’ve missed your favourite man's perfect body. Opening your thighs, he leans himself across letting some of the mixture brush over his skin. He doesn't care about being sticky as his tongue is too busy dragging the strip of dribbled ice cream on your chest towards the nipple, sucking each time his tongue makes a puddle. He continues following the stickiness till it reaches your heat.

Like he needs more he finds another spoonful dribbling right over your core as the anticipation has it clench around nothing. The flat of his tongue licks around your folds as he slurps the ice cream. Your body tingles as his tongue hits your clit that's burning with need. Soft moans escape as he flicks and suck at your sensitive bud. Hands fall to his hair as he plunges his tongue into your heat. "That feels so good," you whine grinding yourself against him. It doesn't take long for your coil to snap as your sure your juices splash against Juyeon's waiting mouth.

Standing up his jaw is glittering with your cum looking more intoxicating with the look of concupiscent in his eyes. Sitting up on the table your eyes take to his clear hard bulge in his pants. Cream all over his abs has you equally mouth watering. Standing to kiss him he gets lost in your mouth. But your impatient for more then his tongue and not soon later you depart to sink to your knees. "My turn," you say patting the seat for him to return to. Pulling his own bottoms down he smirks as he sits his cock resting heavily against his stomach. He shivers as your lips touch his thighs as you work kissing them up towards his abs. Lips in search for the ice cream smudges, you kiss, slurp but also press your own blemish marks upon his abs. Once you licked him clean which is a quicker job as he didn't have much on him, your hands holds the base of his cock. Pumping it briefly despite not needing help witnessing it red and angry. Wrapping your mouth around him he hisses as his stomach tenses. "Fuck," he cry's as you start a pace. Hands fondling his testicles helps to release a cry from him. As your tempo increases his need for release is chased further. Hips helping to buckle him deeper into your mouth as you start to gag on him.

It's like it spurs him on more seeing tears start to form in your eyes. "Fuck Y/N this is so hot," he whimpered as his hand falls behind your head to help your mouth take more as it sinks to his public bone. Your sure your oxygen is being taking from you with each drag of your head along him. Your no longer in control, it's all him as his thighs begin to shake before he removes you from him. Spluttering as the air hit your lungs you look at him dazed when he was so close.

"You on the pill?" He asks as you shake your head. Grabbing you by his hands up he scoops you over his shoulders as he takes you to his room before placing you on the bed.

Walking to his draw he opens a pack of condoms ripping the foil with his teeth as he looks back at you. "I want you as my wife before we try for another one," he says with ownership. "Is that a proposal Lee Juyeon," you teased as he looks at you cockily. "Y/N You'll know when I propose trust me, but it's a promise that one day I will make you my wife," he says with the deepest of desire in his features.

Lips falling back to you as he places his condom on himself, The only signs left of his fuck boy days. Dragging yourself to the middle of the bed his lips follows and his hands which are at the side of your waist. After a couple of pumps he flicks one leg behind his waist before slowly easing himself in. Walls stretching around him pulls moans as he looks down at you with a besotted but heavenly look. "Your mine right Y/N," he pleads with desperation. "Yes Juyeon, I'm yours and your mine, this is our second chance for us both," you said with desperation in your tone for a brand new start. "I fucking love you Y/N," he says before locking his fingers with yours. "I love you too Lee Juyeon," you said tightening your grip with his.

With that his slow pace starts, it's like his dick is dragging slow and torturous in you. But you know it isn't just to break you, it's to stop him from exploding himself so soon. You soon become needy and start meeting his thrusts. Your walls deliberately clamping around him like he's a whip to a horse to get it to go faster, which works just like that. "Fuck Y/N calm down I won't last long," he admits which has you chuckle. "We got all night right or can't you do it all night long any more in your old age," you mock as he rolls his tongue along his gums in fake annoyance. "Are you sure you're the one that can keep up?" He query's. "Well let's see who folds first," he dares his eyes excited before his pace increases. It's like he’s chasing his own high desperate to prove he can keep his stamina, and his ability to recover all night long. It's not long till his cock which is hitting your cervix has you screaming his name like a mantra. Your walls pulling out his as he fills the condom.

It was a small taster of the night to come as you continued to make love, fuck and torture each other till the birds break morning. ------------------🔺-------------------- "You look beautiful," Kevin said admiring you as you smiled his way. "You mean I scrub up well," you said showing off as you twirl. "You scrub up more then well," Haknyeon said turning you to face the full view mirror. He was right you was almost unrecognisable in your wedding dress. Today was the day you was getting married. You was finally making a family for your children. You was so blessed and so in love that you couldn't wait to see the very people dearest to you. "Mummy," Jubin said running behind you in her beautiful bridesmaid's dress. "Don't you look a stunner princess," you smile besotted. It's then Hyunjae walks in holding the most beautiful little toddler in his arms. Your hands reach out to hold the little mite, but Hyunjae grip stays strong keeping you parted. "He needs his dad, he needs changing," Hyunjae said chuckling with his nose wrinkled. "Well their getting changed right now, surely you can do it being his godfather and everything," Kevin scoffs as Hyunjae scowls his way. "Do I look like a dad, I'm the fun crazy uncle for a reason," he scoffs as the toddler wiggles desperate to get to you. "Come here, this uncle can be responsible and fun," Kevin groans as he scoops the bundle up and takes him to change him. "You have to hold your brother’s hand very dearly," you say cupping Jubin’s face. "I'm a good Nuna," Jubin complains as if you've insulted her. "I know just he may be a little overwhelmed, their's a lot of people out there," you said pressing a kiss to her forehead. A knock goes on the door and your stomach gets the wildest butterfly's. You know that means Changbin and Christopher are ready. "I thought you said you wasn't nervous," Hyunjae says amused at the change of your demeanour.

"I'm not, just it's taken a lot, an awful lot to get here," you said as Haknyeon held his hands to you. "Then for what it's worth let every second of today be enjoyed," he said squeezing that made you smile widely. "Are you going to make them wait, Changbin is looking like he wants to run out there," Kevin said coming back into the room as he placed him on the floor. Jubin held his hand lovingly as you cherished looking at them both. "Come on let's get you married," Kevin said holding his hand out to you as you took it nervously

Changbin almost breaks down the second he sees you dressed in your wedding dress. But he holds his emotions in tightly. "My baby mama," he cries as you deadpan his way. You never have got use to his new name for you. ---------------------🔺----------------

Juyeon had suggested so that Jubin had a biological connection to any siblings Changbin and Christopher had, that you be an egg donor for them. It had been weird seeing your own features in a little bundle that you had not carried or had any legal rights over. But Bang Changyu like Jubin only shared your dimples and cute nose. He was 100%Christopher's biological son. You realised in a second how it felt to wait for news on a child that was biologically yours but was being carried by a surrogate. You wasn't his mother, you were his Aunt, that had been very weird to settle into. One weekend a month you would have Changyu too to let them have them time. Juyeon had gone from their enemy to now a close friend of theirs. As a family you had enjoyed many holidays Jubin loved every second of her blended family. -------------------🔺-------------------

Today was the day you were marrying Juyeon but also Changbin was marrying Christopher. It was why Changbin looked a nervous wreck ready to bolt at any moment. But seeing you in your dress had pulled him to a pure mess. "Your so beautiful," he whimpered as Hyunjae tossed him a hanky. You didn't have much time to console him as your father took one look and started sobbing too. "Wow just wow Y/N," he said looking proud. "Right are you both ready?” Kevin said looking at you both as you nodded.

Hyunjae gave Changbin away as your father did the same with you. You could hear Changbin silently sobbing to himself as his eyes had found Christopher who looked a worse mess then him. Minho was consoling him and then his head turned to his right as he placed his hand to console the other groom.

Lee Juyeon had some tears falling down his most beautiful face. He looks so stunning in his grooms fitting. His beautiful eyes wet was totally engrossed with you and the look of besottedness made yourself become emotional. Your memories of your engagement flooding you as you made your way towards him.

------------------🔺--------------------

Jacob had asked you to come meet him and Lia for lunch and instead you found Juyeon. He was so nervous he was jumbling his words you thought he was telling you he was ill. But when he took to his knee, ring and a red rose in his hand you sobbed and straight away agreed. Juyeon kissed your tears of joy as well as your lips.

You found the sweet gesture, that Christopher and Changbin with newborn Changyu and Jubin, was hiding by the side had come to help set it up. A moment that made you realise that the life you had now was so much more content. -----------------🔺---------------------

"Hi wife," Juyeon giggled like a school child when you reached him. But his reaction when you said hello husband had you chuckle loudly. He looked like he would faint. Your wedding day was perfect, marrying him putting everything bad to bed was so rewarding. But what you couldn't wait for was to get him to the hotel room.

Up their you handed him two boxes two different sizes. He looked at you puzzled as you chuckled his way. "Their gifts, it's my wedding present to you," you smirked his way as he looked a little sad. "I didn't get you anything though," he scoffed as you chuckled. "The smaller gift is also kind of from you," you said with excitement. Dashing to the smaller box he opens it like a excited child on Christmas Day. But one glance and he drops it looking at it like it froze him to an ice cube.

"You're not," he gasps out barely audible. "Ready for baby number two?" You smirk as he looks at you with pure fear in his eyes. "How are we going to consummate tonight?" He cries in shock. "It's fine and safe to have sex I promise you," you said as he looked at you not sure. "But I knew that would be your response, so box number two," you said looking at the larger box. "I won't find a flashlight in there?" He asked eyes widened. "Just open it," you ordered him as he opened it with apprehension. "Really I don't think so, I want the pink not the brown, you’re my wife not a ho," he said with amusement but concern. Especially as the last time you ran from him. You chuckled watching him look at the box of Anal toys in fear.

"I'm fine I've been training, look," you said pulling your wedding dress up, lowering your pant to bend over. Showing the sparkly anal plug resting between your cheeks. Head tilted with amusement and bewilderment he looks stunned. "So your horny pregnant wife is ready for you to take in your favourite position," you wink as he stutters totally stumped. "You are amazing you know that Y/N, you're perfect and all mine," he said as his hand falls to your stomach.

"We're having a baby?" He asks like it's slowly sunk in. "Yes this time we get to do this together," you whisper as you kiss the falling excited tear from his cheek. "I love you so much, I'm never letting you go again," Juyeon promises as his kisses slip to yours. It's a promise that you don't even doubt because by your bad past you've both finally grew to better versions of yourselves.

Sometimes you have to make mistakes to grow.

Player in danger

[archivalofsins]

So, that was really something wasn’t it? I bet no one was expecting all of that. @doctorbunny had been looking into all of that since our conversation on June 4.

All this from a simple inquiry- It must be surprising for those that weren’t expecting it. So, for the Mahiru lovers out there, how was it? What did you think? Is it doing super great? Is it heating up inside those heads of yours? If it isn’t yet, then how about going for seconds-

Let’s talk about ARGs! ARG is short for Alternate Reality Game. There have been many across the internet from Everyman Hybrid to The Cipher Hunt in 2016. I’d assume the Cipher Hunt is more well known. It was an international scavenger hunt attached to the American animated series Gravity Falls. Gravity Falls is a good example of ARG media overall.

A lot of the series involved breaking codes put after the end credits, playing sound backwards to uncover hidden messages, and of course taking it frame by frame to possibly discern what was coming next. This all culminated in the 2016 Cipher Hunt as a sendoff to an amazingly fun series that not only entertained viewers but prompted them to think more about how they consume and interact with media. That’s the point of every good ARG to give the audience a chance to interact with the media in a way that usually isn’t possible which allows the audience to feel like a part of the story as well.

They’re also really fun when it comes to scratching that deductive reasoning itch for those that really like to go in depth with their media consumption. When some say it’s not that deep, ARGs are there to resoundingly say not only can it be that deep, but it is. So, we’ve got the where from This Is How To Be In Love With You now let’s talk about the why?

Milgram, for all intents and purposes, can be described as an ARG. Many, like myself, concluded that the ARG aspects only went as far as our votes but it’s becoming more and more apparent that this is not the case.

Yamanaka said this in regards to Mu’s case,

“Mu-chan had a lot of specific scenes. Her character is also pretty different between her MV and her voice drama. How you interpret her character changes depending on how far you pursue this character. Even in the real world, for example with news stories regarding murder, you’d have very different opinions depending on if you just read the headline, vs when you view the whole thing, vs when you do more research on the person.”

Generally, one’s opinion of someone/something changes based on how informed on a topic they are. That is what I believe was the gist of what Yamanaka was getting at. To use Yamanaka’s example with news stories, the headlines of news articles are usually inflammatory and a reduction of the overall point of the article. This is because they seek to grab a person’s attention and give them as much information as possible in a very short span of time or as few words as possible.

In Milgram’s case, the MV’s would be the headline and the voice dramas would be the article.

However, articles aren’t that trustworthy either, news publications lie all the time and cherry pick information to better frame the point they’re trying to get across. Continuing forward with Yamanaka’s example in situations in which a murder is being reported, depending on the news outlet one could get very different framings of the situation. Be it a different framing of the victim or assailant.

This is something Milgram fans should be used to because a vast majority of them do it. It’s not much different from what many people have been doing with the Milgram theories they type up or put on YouTube. Each person displays their own unique perspective framed by their own ego and biases. So, we have the headline, we have the article, but what about that last thing?

“When you do more research on the person.”

Well, we have multiple examples of Milgram fans doing exactly that. The most recent one being the post DoctorBunny put out. It’s exactly what it says on the tin do more research compare the voice drama and the mv look out for inconsistencies key locations. Those are the ARG aspects that have been overlooked. Either for being too time-consuming, too wordy, or just going further than one expected.

It’s every fan that’s gone hey have you seen this tiny detail in this scene, please don’t bring up the socks in After Pain, hey um why did Kotoko go change clothes before going to help that girl, who’s that guy you can vaguely see in Kazui’s mv during that sort of distorted part, hey doesn’t this image resemble- and so forth and so on. That’s the doing your own research part that hasn’t been neglected per se, but it has been overlooked.

Each music video has enough information that for what may be detective work for people outside of Japan may come off as common place things or child’s play to people who live in the areas the prisoners were in before. Many people that live around where Mahiru is from probably would’ve been able to tell most of the places in her mv from a glance. See that’s the thing about common knowledge, it changes depending on where you’re at.

A good example of this is,

In the previous post DoctorBunny mentioned how I brought up the store Mahiru was outside of was a 7-Eleven.

I saw something that came off as commonsense to me, but that same thing won't be common to someone else. Not because they're uninformed but simply because it does not color their world view. It's not something they see every day so why would they be familiar with it? This is one of the reasons it's so enjoyable to see other people's opinions on Milgram from all over the world. Because those personal experiences shape how one will interact with the media.

Hell, a few years back I probably wouldn't have been able to tell it was a 7-Eleven myself, but I moved to a place right across the street from one so the colors in the corner and the outdoor setup were familiar.

This is why it's important to collaborate with others and discuss things because it can lead to new and interesting discoveries. I didn't really think I contributed much to the search since I was just around speculating stuff for the most part, but it was fun to be involved!

Now this may sound like a disadvantage for fans living outside of Japan, but it comes with its advantages. Because when someone is around something all the time it’s easier to take that information for granted. Chances are no one would really ask about why Mahiru was in these areas. After all these are everyday places, nothing special. They wouldn’t really take into consideration that these places are sort of tourist spots. Because there are a lot of places in the world that have a tourist industry but that doesn’t mean locals can’t enjoy the things connected to that too.

It wouldn’t clock as suspicious because honestly, it’s all rather normal right? People go places all the time, it’s no big deal. However, attaching these habits to that of someone we’ve explicitly been told is a murderer creates a different story. So, what does where Mahiru has been tell us about her as a person and a murderer?

Let’s start with the question that led to all of this where does Mahiru go to college? It’s not 800 degrees Neapolitan Pizzeria, the place she claims to be her university’s terrace. Although there is a possibility that they could not get a picture of the school to use and chose another location. However, there are many pictures of the campus online that they could have chosen.

I still can't fully rule out that they'd need certain permission to use that sort of image and couldn't get it.

Q.16: How did you meet your lover?

Shidou: In our neighborhood. We were family friends so that was our relationship.

Mahiru: We met eyes at the university terrace. I really felt like it was fate.

Despite all that- Mahiru's school is more than likely Aoyama Gakuin University or based on or around it. As DoctorBunny stated previously there were two schools in the area of the pizzeria.

The second one was Kokugakuin University. This school has no religious ties but seems to have some ties to Shinto beliefs. For those curious about the second school considering, it's a likely candidate for Mikoto's college. Here's its ratings, website, and a comprehensive history of the institution.

For brevity, I'll be putting both schools' information right beneath this. Mahiru's school will be first and Mikoto's possible one second. This serves a point outside of bringing up Mikoto again I swear.

20/07/15

Amane: Eh, my studies? I enjoy it. To me, studying is something I do for fun. Do you not think the same, Mikoto-san?

Mikoto: Not at all! It’s just a means to an end…… I just did the bare minimum needed to get into a good company. I actually went to an arts uni that had a pretty low subject requirement to enroll, and from there I studied curation and…… uhh, you don’t really know what that is huh. Hmm. Since your way of speaking is so mature, I keep forgetting I need to explain myself properly……

Amane: It’s fine. If there are any words I don’t understand I can look them up later. An arts university, though…… Does that mean you’re good at drawing, then? It may be a bit rude to say, but that’s rather unexpected.

Mikoto: No, not really…? I mean, I could do the bare minimum needed to pass the entrance exam though. Even though it’s called an arts uni, there’s still subjects where you don’t need to draw at all. I’m the sort of person who tries to be efficient, so I worked backwards from the job I wanted to get into and chose to study subjects like direction and management~ ……ah, I’ve done it again……

So, from this conversation we can gather a lot about where Mikoto went to college and it's shaping up to sound a lot like this place. So, good for him and his possible bachelor's degree. I say possible because he more than likely graduated at twenty-two and then got a job. So, if he started college immediately after graduating high school then that would be four years and he'd have a bachelor's degree.

However, like I said in those messages this ain't about him. Anyone with a keen eye would realize the difference in schools here. Mikoto's possible school has a 39% acceptance rate and that's a rough estimate because the school doesn't disclose its acceptance rate at all. Mahiru's on the other hand-

Whoa boy that's a smart girl a college with an 18.3% acceptance rate as of 2015 according to Google and it's not that much higher on the edurank website sitting at 19%. It's a Christian university private and in the top 50% in 13 subjects.

Notable subjects are

Physics Rank:

#42 of 274 In Japan

#222 of 1,879In Asia

#677 of 4,082 In the World

Engineering Rank:

#70 of 278 In Japan

#446 of 2,117 In Asia

#1156 of 4,624 In the World

It's a long list but most importantly-

Q.14 What was your major in university?

Shidou: Medical school.

Mahiru: Faculty of literature.

X

Q.04 Other than Japanese, what other languages can you speak?

Shidou: English and casual conversation level German.

Mahiru: I chose to learn Chinese in university but well... I don’t think I can go up to speaking.

"Die."

This is why Mahiru says she chose to learn Chinese because in her school English is mandatory.

I think this more than extensively proves that this is the school Mahiru was more than likely going to before being brought to Milgram. It's a rather good school overall. So, how much does a school like this cost?

Well, that's a pretty penny. A semester there in the spring time of 2019 would run a person 759,100 jpy or 5,241.06 USD. Either way this would be a difficult amount to pay on her florist job alone and she states this-

Q.15 How much do you earn?

Shidou: That’s not something you should ask other people.

Mahiru: I’m living on an allowance from my family……

So, it's safe to say the ones footing the bill for her schooling are her parents. Unlike Futa who complains about his classes saying,

"Storm Pazuzu　（＝Futa） A L L M Y C L A S S E S A R E S O D U L L.

W A S T E O F M Y S C H O O L F E E S.

Storm Pazuzu　（＝Futa） Everyone else there is an idiot so it’s boring"

Mahiru is never shown complaining about the cost of her tuition and with a semester price that high well she should be. This coupled with,

Q.05 Did you have a good relationship with your family?

Shidou: Yes. It really was a family as happy as you could dream of.

Mahiru: I think I was what they call a "sheltered girl". I'm thankful to my mom and dad, but perhaps they were a little strict.

Q.17 Tell us about your dating history.

Shidou: I don't remember much but, I had one girlfriend in kindergarten, and in elementary school I had two relationships. I started going out with my wife in the 2nd year of middle school, and we've been together ever since.

Mahiru: I attended a girl's middle school and a girl's high school, so I didn't date anyone until I started university.

From discovering Mahiru's school we've discovered several things. Her family is financially well-off, probably not as well-off as Mu's but maybe around the same area. Given the similarities in upbringing that Milgram has felt necessary to drag to the forefront in regard to these two characters this trial.

Her parents were overprotective, maybe a bit smothering. So, as a kid Mahiru more than likely didn't have much room to go out on her own and experience certain things such as dating.

We've learned that she chose to learn Chinese but more than likely does know English given this school's curriculum. Something that was heavily alluded to throughout "I Love You" not only through the song but the cd casing as well.

Look at her nice english/romaji handwriting of her name in comparison to the others. What nice penmanship!

"Clothes Food Shelter + Love and Miss you." - "Clothes Food Shelter - Love and Miss you."

Let's get subtracting, shall we?!

What do I mean by that well let me explain. Notice anything weird about the words inside the cd case?

Clothes food Shelter + Love and Miss you.

Certain words have been left in lowercase. Also, English is a very fun language where certain symbols have double meanings. The "+" symbol has been used to supplement for "and" just like "&". This is possibly yet another ARG element. To be precise, a code that Mahiru has put into her song. A fairly simple one at that. She tells us how to solve it within her song lyrics. Yep, that's why I highlighted those plus and minus signs. Basically, I believe we're meant to subtract the lowercase words from the uppercase ones to get the real message.

"Clothes Shelter + Love Miss. food and you."

This would basically be read as, "Clothes, shelter and love miss. Food and you."

When Star sent me the image of the cd case that was my first thought after hey why are some not capitalized. So, the next thing anyone would think is Gunsli that makes zero fucking sense what does that mean? Oh, but it does make sense. Let me run it down for you. However, for that we're going to have to go all the way back to This Is How To Be In Love With You.

Where we see Mahiru go through her hierarchy of needs just as she lists here.

"Clothes, shelter-

"Do you really think you know what love is? If you do, let’s just overheat together the things that I only want to say to you, and the things that I want from you- Is love."

and love-

"If you don’t hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart. I pretended to be a good girl, but really, I don't want to say "I'm ok"."

Then with I Love You added into the mix,

"My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight."

miss."

And that's a miss folks! An own goal is a term used in soccer or football to describe when a team scores in their own goal.

"Own Goal noun- (in soccer) a goal scored inadvertently when the ball is struck into the goal by a player on the defensive team."

In contrast, who's the one that has always been associated with food-

"Food and You." - "Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right."

20/06/08

Mahiru: Shidou-san…… you’re really good-looking. Personally, I think you’d be better if you ate a bit more, but you’re slim and tall, and well put together to boot…… You must’ve been super popular up until now, right?

Shidou: ……yeah, that’s true…… I did my share of fooling around in the past.

Mahiru: Oh~? That's not the sort of answer I'd expect from you. I've got it! Somebody told you that if you replied like that people wouldn't resent you as much, right?

Shidou: Haha, I’m surprised you guessed. ……it seems that no matter what guise I put on, it’s meaningless against a woman’s insight.

Mahiru wants some meat on those bones~ Well, everyone has a type, and he was looking rather thin before she started feeding him.

Go on eat that up, it's good for you! That's all I could really gather from that though. However, it's a fun little tidbit if true.

Now the second point of interest I wanted to discuss from the information gathered was The Imperial Palace Run.

WHOA BOY THAT'S AN ATHLETIC GIRL!

One Lap is Five Kilometers (3.1 miles)

The distance of the route is just the right length for running. The path is also beautifully paved and there are no traffic lights at intersections, so you can run without breaking your pace. There are slight hills in about three sections of the course. These moderate ups and downs will create a satisfying change of pace during your run.

X

The Imperial Palace Runing Route is a five-kilometer route that loops back in on itself. In the video provided in DoctorBunny's post the area Mahiru is running in the opposite direction of is at the beginning of the run. Basically, runners start running in the direction of the sign she is running away from. As she is running away from it this means Mahiru has completed at least one five-kilometer run.

Given the lack of people Mahiru and her love probably went in the morning which is the recommended time for runners to go to not disturb others and be able to run as fast as they like. This explains why the sidewalk is mostly empty. However, runners are still encouraged to run in a straight line together and not side by side to be considerate of others. This explains why he is not next to her as she is running behind him.

I don't know about you but running for three miles over hilly terrain doesn't sound like being bad at exercise to me. Mahiru also says,

"I've never run so much in my life."

So, they very well may have done multiple laps around the area. However, it can at least be safely discerned that Mahiru has finished one lap around. So, she gets to beat the stupid and weak allegations today good for her or bad depending on your point of view. Because you know what this means, right?

"How could weak little Mahiru, someone who could only complete a five-kilometer run, ever move a body", is beginning to sound really weird. It's not surprising that Mahiru would say she's bad at exercise. Mahiru has consistently stated she's bad at everything, it doesn't mean it's true. She just lacks self-confidence and repeatedly diminishes her own abilities. Most recent example,

Q.15 Have you contributed to society?

Shidou: I had thought my work was a contribution to society.

Mahiru: I don’t think that there’s anything that I can say with confidence.

Discussing Mahiru and looking into all of this was a lot of fun! I was happy that I could be helpful! I really didn't know how much I helped until the post was put up. To me it just felt like hanging out but ya know in a good way considering certain revelations that may not have been the best phrasing ha, ha...

I was really impressed by all the creative methods DoctorBunny searched for information and I never thought such a small inquiry would lead to so much. I feel like we've learned so much about Mahiru and a little bit about Mikoto along the way~

I hope my insights on this can be enjoyed as well as I've kind of been holding off on saying anything for a good while now. I also hope I didn't rush DoctorBunny into posting too much. Also, I would recommend looking up walking around videos on YouTube of your you may be pleasantly surprised by what you find. The running route one kind of dropped me down the rabbit hole and I ended up looking up some for my city just to see what they were like.

They're calming.

[takitakidancetillthesunriseyea]

Wonderland and the Rabbit (Theory)

I thought by now my brain would’ve run out of Ateez theories but I was very wrong. Last night I was aimlessly scrolling the internet when I came across all of the rabbit-centric promotional material Ateez used for their latest comeback The World Ep. Fin: Will, that I had somehow missed seeing before their actual comeback.

I also discovered Mito which I had seen before but didn’t realize was also related to the comeback. I guess just I accepted without question that they would carry a little stuffed rabbit around for no reason. (Apparently Mito is short for Michin Tokki or Crazy Rabbit.)

Of course that set the gears in my brain turning. Crazy Form has a few things in common with Wonderland, (mainly the coats) but not enough that I would immediately think they’re connected lore wise.

However, Crazy Form has a lot, and I mean a lot. Of Alice in Wonderland references.

We have Hongjoong doing the Cheshire cat smile.

We got the rabbits everywhere and the little ear motions in the choreography. Personally I think the name “Crazy Form” alone is already pretty in line with the whole Alice in Wonderland “We’re all mad here,” thing. And of course we have whatever these godawful furry things are.

Even Seonghwa’s smile in the MV is rather Mad Hatter-ish

(I also find it interesting that his left eye is covered but that’s a point for a dif theory.)

So. From all that it’s clear they’re trying to make a connection to Alice in Wonderland. But why? What does Alice in Wonderland have to do with their story so much that they’re putting references in everywhere.

At first I assumed it had to do with their alternate universe thing. Is entering the doors to Strictland in the Wonderland MV them ‘going down the rabbit hole’? Is Mito their white rabbit? (Even though it’s black-) Is it just another reference to them being somewhere strange they don’t belong?

As I was thinking of all the things I could remember about Alice in Wonderland, suddenly it hit me. The ending. Alice in Wonderland ends with Alice waking up and realizing it had all been a dream.

(When I realized it I almost lost it)

There have already been a number of people theorizing that the Crazy Form MV is at least partially in a dream due to Hongjoong shooting real bullets out of his finger guns, San flying, etc... Oh yea and the crecent moon at the beginning that seems to instantly change to a full one.

Which just adds it to this list of dream related MV’s like Illusion, Wave, Inception, and Eternal Sunshine. But it really makes me wonder, was the Wonderland MV a dream too? We don’t have diaries for the Treasure series, so pretty much anything goes at this point.

It would make sense if all the weird maze stuff was part of a dream, but feel like the maze is something different entirely… AhhhHHhgh this is all so big brain that I don’t think I’ve even scratched the surface of what’s actually going on.

It does makes me wonder though…just how deep does this rabbit hole (dream) go? How long have they been asleep? And when they wake up, where, when, and who will they be?

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - KISSES galore

Jan 20232 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) 6 of 10 - The mutual squealing and kicking and rolling over in bed was v cute. Tiw might actually be the greatest BL wingman of all time, yes better than Namgoong. Friend zone? Cute GMMTV, very cute. Elevator kiss, on the other hand = you little shits. Also, I’m mad you made me watch the MV because there was no way to skip through it without missing stuff. Tricky bastards. GMMTV = cute, shitty, & tricky all in one ep. Guess that’s why they’re the top of the Thai BL food chain. 

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) 5 of 12 - We knew that this pair kisses really well, but for the characters that was a pretty stellar first kiss. I liked that we got to see Palm really want something for a change. Up until now, he’s been a pretty passive character, constantly told what to do by others, this is the first independent choice his character actually makes in this narrative. Meanwhile the action part of the bodyguard plot has begun, which makes me happy. Let the forced proximity cohabitation trope commence! With probably at least one running through the woods holding hands to come.

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 9 of 12 - Basically a filler ep with in-your-face backstory we already sussed. Prem is doing a good job tho. WATCH ALONG HERE.

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) 8 of 11 - There was no GamesVee. I’m sad. 

Cutie Pie 2 You (special) 2 of 4 - Awwwww, how sweet they tried to give it a plot. Operative word being: tried. 

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 9 of 12 - Stuff in tents. Lots of cringing blushing maiden bullshit. Noey = v bold and into public claiming. I’m not wild about this one. 

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 14fin - Honestly, they were branded pairs so we knew ManTitle were goona kiss, but I kinda wish they hadn’t bothered. These characters just didn’t work for me as a couple. Marriage equality stinger* on this puppy. Still, what a slog. I’m only binging stuff from this studio henceforth. (Next one: Buddy Line Y Animal). Whatever. Frankly that’s my review of the show: whatever. 5/10 

* I do like that this drama teased a marriage and then intentionally never gave us that marriage on screen. For all romance genre fans, this would've felt like a slap in the face. Instead they put in a stinger that essentially said “if you want a marriage scene between men, legalize marriage in Thailand, you fuckers.” And ya know, I’m here for that. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The New Employee (Korea Weds Viki) 4 of 8 - Ooo first date. Omg they are SO CUTE. There was a lot of squealing and flapping of hands on this side of the screen with the show. Also two out gay boys! Korea how far you have come in just a few short years! If adorable our baby boy’s 2 fag hags don’t get together by the end of this show, I will be a touch disappointed. (It has to be said. I’m not expecting it because this is still Korea doesn’t do sides in BL. But hope springs eternal.) Meanwhile, I like that there was actual desire expressed with these two. This is definitely one of the gayest BLs to have come out of Korea in recent years. If you’re confused like I was, that pen has the initial of baby’s ex crush from uni on it. 

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) 3 of 10 (or 6 of 20) - Classic that Taiwan has finally given us a femme character in a BL and he is predatory & evil. The secondary couple is the most adorable thing, I even forgive them a pratfall kiss, because there was a 3 piece suit involved. I am starting to like the main couple a little bit more, mostly because of the rich kid character. I love domesticity, and Taiwan always does it so well. The main character time traveler whatever remains a bit annoying, I prefer a sunshine archetype that is not intentionally naïve to the point of stupidity. Still, I’m invested. This is classic HIStory franchise. 

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox (Japan Fri Gaga) 4 of 8 - It’s a bit too much second hand embarrassment and cringe for me. I hope Japan someday gives us a BL like Eternal Yesterday, where both characters are cool and no one dies. Incidentally, if you’re playing a game of spot that BL actor, the one playing the “actor character” is Izuka Kenta  (from The Novelist and Absolute BL2). WE LOVE HIM. 

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner (Korea Weds iQIYI) 9-10fin - I honestly don’t know how I feel about this one. It was more of a red thread fated mates who are fated to repeat the mistakes of the past. Shall we call it faded mates?  And I’m not sure, even though the ending is somewhat optimistic, that I am actually optimistic about it or them as a couple. So I wouldn’t call it HEA. 

Final review? Featuring a gorgeous & stellar cast, TDWBMD should have utilized them less for melodrama and more for chemistry. This BL is a unique twist on an office romance if NOT a unique twist on a doomed red thread trope, resulting in it feeling less than the sum of its parts and ultimately unsatisfying. Possibly this had to do with the fact that this was one of those KBLs where I felt how short it was the whole time, like I was missing something constantly, in every episode. No HEA. Worth watching for some but seriously flawed. 6/10

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

The Star Always Follow You (Vietnam YT) - same Team RL peeps we have seen before (Sunshine, Stupid)

GMMTV’s Midnight series - first segment has begun bit it’s not the EarthMix messy gays. I’m so not interested in messy hets, so I’m waiting until they grace my screen. Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) 1 of 8 eventually.  

Gossip

I’m gonna hold off on The Warp Effect and binge it later, after I know for sure if the BL couple makes it. 

I will be taking everyone‘s advice and not watching Till the World Ends sorry not sorry. Protecting my squishy center (also I HATE xmas carols.) 

In Case You Missed It

I posted a meta of all my 2022 wraps, top picks, industry stats, etc..

I ALSO posted the 2023 forthcoming BL master post.

Coffee Shop shorts series with the adorable couple from Ghost Host, Ghost House have a WONDERFUL new installment with "BLACK COCONUT". You should watch it. Also... try the drink. 

Love Bill (Vietnam Sat YT) starring Bah Vinh ended its run and IT’S SAD. I am so glad I waiting because now I’m not gonna watch it. So there. 

Adorable KGL Girlfriend Project, basically a very short lesbian version of Love Class. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Jan 19: Individual Circumstances (Korea Thurs Viki) 8 eps - A reunion romance between a movie director who was once promising and a writer who disappeared due to past wounds. Stars JunQ (main rapper of 2nd gen group MYNAME) and Han Jung Wan (Mr International Korea winner).

2023 forthcoming BL here

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

The LOOK in his eyes. I really hope we get more than crumbs from Satang Kittiphop in the future. 

Also, that outfit, definitely an instrument of hope. (Mark is going to be in Moonlight Chicken, Cooking Crush, Last Twilight, & Only Friends this year. Apparently GMMTV’s directors like him a lot. So ALL the hope. Plus more sweater vests without shirts, please and thank you.) 

Relatable. 

FINALLY! (all are My School President, it was a GREAT ep this week) 

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Well Monsta X released a new single, Beautiful Liar, so yeah, THAT! 

[elliedafish]

I know it got a music video (and a short film) but I'm doing a series, so I wanna know

I made ones for the others as well!

1989

Fearless

Speak Now

Debut

Reputation

[pharawee]

Rose's Day of Asks - the sequel

Hi! My question for you... Which actors do you wish would get cast in a bl as a lead? and with what partner, if you have any in mind?

Have a wonderful night. Rose❤️

Hi Rose, thank you so much for your question! I hope you feel better already. 💜💜💜

There's so many actors I'd love to finally see as the lead in a BL - mostly solo actors because they started their acting careers as side characters, love rivals or villains so there's so much potential to pair them with other fresh faces.

Someone who immediately comes to mind (surprising, I know lmao) is Winner Tanatat because I love him dearly and he's reliably been stealing the show for me wherever he pops up. He's basically taken Big Thanakorn's place on top of the third wheel podium now that Big FINALLY got his well-deserved main role.

I also can't believe domundi have been sleeping on Poppy Ratchapong for so long. Yes, he's talented and funny but have you considered giving Poppy a boyfriend?? Maybe make it Nont Intanont because they both looked really good in Nont's MV for ธรรมดาที่ไหน:

Then again, domundi have also been sleeping on Mark Sorntast until recently when he's been looking like that FOR YEARS.

And gmmtv isn't much better. I mean, Papang Phromphiriya exists. I know I'm not alone in wanting him as the lead in a BL (or any show, really, just give me more Papang I'm begging you gmmtv 😭).

I'm also very partial to Kay Lertsittichai but gmmtv seem to have firmly typecast him as the villain now. Which is an injustice (I like his villains though - they're very pathetic and wet).

Same with idolfactory and Heng Asavarid. Someone free these men from their status as morally questionable side characters!

Unpopular opinion time but this scene with Heng and Nat Sakdatorn in The Sign stole the whole show for me. The things I'd do for more HengNat. 🫠

Then there's Kokliang Parinya who's posting the most beautiful photoshoots on his insta EVERY DAMN WEEK yet somehow he's not been the lead in a BL even once. That man's a medical doctor ffs please someone cast him as the leading man. 🙏

I also need justice for Non Ratchanon (even though he's been in a short story compilation by Director Golf and in a few other things like The Rebound but that just shows how well he can act) and I'd love to see him as the lead in a fully-fledged 12 episode BL.

The same goes for Bank Chanwut. I MEAN JUST LOOK AT HIM (and imagine what could have been if 9NAA didn't mess up Beyond the Star).

And I generally don't understand how Rossi Nonthakorn isn't everywhere after On Cloud Nine (yes technically he was playing the lead here and in another shortform series along with Non Ratchanon but that's not the same innit).

This is getting far too long already but I can't believe I almost forgot about Boss Thawatchanin who can do cute and, uh, whatever else that was with Gap Jakarin in Norrasing (but, really, I don't mind, give me more GapBoss):

And what about Na Naphat? He made me like Tawan in Kinnporsche (he did everything wrong and I love him) AND WE WERE PROMISED NA AND FIAT PATCHATA IN WISH ME LUCK!!

There's really so many other actors that I'd love to see in the spotlight in their own series. Like JJFong in a proper show where they aren't relegated to comic relief. Or JJUs now that they're freed from BOC's basement. Or PromMark because they've been trying to sail their ship for years now (and they recorded a song together that's still one of my faves) but maybe we'll finally get lucky in Jack & Joker. 🤞

[asoftspotforangels]

so I was tagged three times lately so I am putting it all in one post XD

from least to most difficult askfhjadkhfjkdlhaf

from @hardboiledteacozy 💝

⟡ rules : answer + tag 9 people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with!

⟡ fav color : green 💚

⟡ last song : Moment's Silence (Common Tongue) by Hozier

⟡ last movie : Barbie (I haven't seen any movie since last year lol). tv series - 1670

⟡ currently reading : I just finished I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy and started 1F: Fukushima I Nuclear Power Plant Work Log by Tatsuta Kazuto

⟡ currently watching : Dungeon Meshi 🍳

⟡ currently craving : some nice juicy oranges 😔 if anyone has tips on how to choose the best oranges, let me know pls

⟡ coffee or tea : I like coffee only if it's a sweet treat (so with milk and sugar or some sugary syrup); tea, however !! 🥰 a few days ago I opened a blend I got who knows how many years ago and from where or from whom, it's green and white tea, and it's soooo gooood~

from @minnichan 💗

Rules: pick a song for each letter of your url and tag that many people. my url is too long for that lol

I have a playlist for songs I currently listen to, let's see if it's enought to complete this game… there's not a huge variety of artists tho ^^"

A - Appaloosa by Lor S - Sinktank by Inabakumori O - Overdose by Natori (hi minni!!!! I saw a cover of it in one of your asks lately!!! :3) F - fanfiction by Lor (yes, that's a lyrics video on their official channel xd) T - Tail by Sunmi (when will she come back to Poland TT__TT) S - Sweet Dream from Alien Stage by C!naH / by BL8M (I have both versions on my playlist, yeah) P - Post Shelter by Inabakumori O - Order of Silence from Genshin (ost from Cyno's demo) T - Trafalgar Square by Lor F - FightSong by Eve O - Overture from Jesus Christ Superstar 1996 R - Ruler Of My Heart from Alien Stage ( ‼ spoilers from Alien Stage here ‼ cw: blood, violence, death, panic attack) A - agaki (亜ガキ) by Ora (sometimes the background music skips between left and right side and I love it) N - Nonsense Bungaku by Eve G - A Gentleman's Fantasy from Honkai Star Rail (amazing boss theme!!) E - Ezra Was Right by Grandbrothers (this one starts quite slowly, if you're impatient you can start at 3:15 xD) L - Lagtrain by Inabakumori S - $hrek 2 by Lor (cw: guys without shirts fighting at school)

Lor is a Polish band that I recommend with my whole heart :3

many Eve's MVs are like short animes, I love them so so much

the whole Alien Stage is quite short, because it's basically made of music videos and there's less than 10 rn (here's a playlist for anyone interested) (but it can be quite triggering sometimes)

fuck gachas and their gambling, but genshin and star rail have amazing music

here's a very fun fact: I started listening to Eve and Inabakumori last year on April 17 and May 4 respectively, so about a year ago!!

from @dangerliesbeforeyou 💖

list 5 topics i can talk on for an hour without preparing any material

this one's difficult!!!! because I can endlessly talk about my fandoms and blorbos........only. I don't feel knowledgeable on anything specific, but I could, however, ramble on about my interests

I'm back to that Stardew Valley Grind™ rn so I could talk a lot about my farm. my first farm. year three, winter, and it's probably the ugliest farm you've ever seen. and. and also. my cyhaino sdv au brainrot. 😳

genshin, especially my ultimate blorbo Alhaitham 🌱 idk, I just like this guy, I saw first leaks and I was like 👉 this guy. this is my dude.

my babeys blue lions from fire emblem 3 houses 😭 I chose them in my first playthrough and I still do NOT care about anyone else (that's an exaggeration, I care about others, but... not as much... 😔) also, Sylvain is there and flirty red guys are my ultimate weakness. I know he can, just, switch to your house if you're playing female Byleth (lol), but I don't want to separate him from his friends 😭 they're all traumatised and need hugs

painting and drawing! lately I fell back in love in traditional art and I picked up acrylic painting, and I'm watching a lot of videos and learning a lot - by my own trial and error too, but it's fun!

various handcraft I learned - embroidery, crocheting, knitting, punch needle, sewing - and stuff I created. I don't do all these all the time, only when I feel like it so.....irregularly lol! but I have lots of ideas and some plans, and unfinished works

tagging: @natowe @one-trash-alek @hardboiledteacozy @dangerliesbeforeyou @minnichan

@vanyafresita @giosele @shuuenka @thebrokenwriter911

tagging everyone for everything, do whichever you want or nothing at all, no pressure ✨

(but I love reading other people's answers :3)

pretty dividers from @cafekitsune (x)

[curio-queries]

FRI(END)S : THE SONG

This post is part of a series of my thoughts on this release. It's time to finally get these out of drafts and posted before Hobi's release. Here are links to the other posts:

QUICKCOMBO: Continuation

QUICKCOMBO: Termination

The Song (this post)

The Music Video

The Promo

First, if you haven't heard the song yet, please give it a listen and make your own impressions.

Initial Thoughts

The night this was released, I was having some sudden internet issues and was slightly panicking about being able to work the next day so I was admittedly a little stressed by the time I got to listen even though I stayed up specifically for it.

Usually I would listen to it first on Spotify before watching the music video but I was able to get the mv to load first for some reason. My first impression on the song itself was actually a little bit of confusion as to how long the track actually would be given all the 'non-song' space in the mv.

When I did finally get Spotify to work, I definitely thought it was too short but I was so excited that I was vibing with it as much as I did. V's solo work is very hit or miss for me, with most of LayoVer being a miss. I don't think the album was bad, I just had a hard time with it since none of the tracks really appeal to me. But Fri(end)s? I liked on the first few listens. Which is kinda funny because I was actually wondering pretty early on if Fri(end)s would work as part of LayoVer...more on that later in this post.

I still think the song is too short. I realize that's the trend these days as it's more of a marketing tactic but that doesn't mean I have to like the trend. Especially with the extremely clear folding of the song into two parts, it's pretty obvious to even some casual listeners that there's something missing. Not enough to make it a bad song but it just feels slightly unfinished.

Performance

If you haven't already watched the Live Film, I highly recommend it.

I know it's kinda a flex in music communities to value live versions over studio releases but I rarely fall into that camp. (I honestly think it has something to do with a sensory issue I have and extra noise that is often present in such recordings...anyway back to V). This performance is so great! It perfectly embodies both Tae's personality and the energy needed for a song like this. I honestly just felt so good listening to him sing this because he did it in the exact same way I do when I sing along to music; adding extra little rifs and bits just for the fun of it and avoiding the typical notes that all of the members leave out of most performances.

I'm not qualified to comment on the musical technique needed for this song but there are definitely some fun challenges that make for a satisfying singalong once you've nailed them!

LayoVer

If you haven't listened to the complete album in a while, here's a link. Always a good idea to give an album a complete top-to-bottom listen every once in a while, especially this one with how Tae agonized over track sequence of his solo work as mentioned during Festa 2022.

So, if you just list the key words of the lyrical themes and musical elements of both Fri(end)s and LayoVer, you'd think they'd be an easy match but the more I investigated, the less I think so.

First, I'm not really a music researcher when it comes to credits or following specific contributors but from what I can tell, there weren't any of the same individuals listed between the two projects except Tae himself. Which honestly surprised me.

Just going off of memory, I thought it'd fit in smoothly either before or after Slow Dancing but after trying it out, it just doesn't land for me. It absolutely deserves to be its own single and I'd initially wondered if it had been ripped out of the album as the track to tide us over during this chunk of ms but I really don't feel that way at all.

It honestly reminds me a little of how JK released 3D as a separate track. That song (as much as I don't love it) does stand on its own without the support of an album. Maybe Fri(end)s was one of the other songs Tae found during his search for LayoVer but that team didn't have enough material for a cohesive album? He didn't want to lose it so kept it as a single to release later.

I want you all to know that I wrote the above before seeing this video...thanks for proving me right V!! 😆

More thoughts on some of the meaning(s) of the song in my mv post!

(Sidenote, if you haven't seen the full set of the gif at the top of this post, I highly recommend checking it out. It's gorgeous! Absolutely astonishing work @kimtaegis 😍)

[phyriaxi]

Another ask separate from my rq, are there any artists or other influences that have inspired your art that you'd like to share?

ohh boy, this is definitely a question I can ramble about (apologies in advance for the long text!!)

Short Answer (a list of lasting artistic influences):

Movies/animanga: How to Train Your Dragon, Avatar (not ATLA, sorry) , Evangelion, Pinch Point (by VLANCAT), Land of the Lustrous, Tower of God, CSM, Tokyo Ghoul, 86 EIGHTY-SIX

Games: Arknights, Cytus II (rip art team..), Honkai Impact 3rd, Destiny 2

artists/illustrators/animators: Shilin, Ishida Sui, yasutatsu, WOOMA, par0llel, suzumesakiii, Dino_illus, liduke, ligton1225, Curie Lu, 96yottea, many many others... I could write nearly every Arknights illustrator as well and still not be satisfied ..

Music: classical music, Ado, KIVA, Eve (the MVs..!), i think i need to stop listing things now because it'll never end

Long Answer (rambling):

when it comes to art, i am definitely inspired by other visual artists, but i am also very inspired by the world around me as well as creators of other types of media. i'm extremely lucky to have grown up in a lively, diverse city with a wonderfully creative family, so the art and music of my family and environment plays a large part in my artistic preferences!! Something I have really wanted to integrate more deeply into my art is the contrast between new and old, grungy and refined... it reflects a lot of the conflicts that make up what I consider to be "me." Also, I just really like the vibe of chaotic industrial zones and rusty metal combined with a shining city in the distance, lol.

Regarding particularly influential media: pretty much anyone who's taken a glance at my blog will know immediately that Arknights is one of my biggest influences. it's basically all i draw nowadays... whenever I'm not thinking about Responsibilities and Adult Life i'm usually thinking about either Arknights or Ado (<3).

before Arknights, I spent a long time drawing fanart and fan-characters inspired by How to Train Your Dragon. Both the visual and musical aspects of that series still have a very dear place in my heart, even if I don't engage much with the community anymore. I actually only really started drawing not-dragons about 3 or 4 years ago at this point. Something I have been thinking about a lot recently is how I can go back to drawing more creatures alongside my humanoid subjects, since it's not something I've done very much recently.

Gradually I began to find more friends in the art community, and I think I'm very influenced by those people as well! It isn't a competition, of course, but being around people who are also pushing to improve is a big motivator when I am feeling low on passion. "I want to stand together with them at the top of world one day", is how I often feel. I really want to work on a collaborative project with other artists someday as well. Trying to build my skill is partially because I want to better express my ideas, but also because I want to inspire and be inspired by other creators. :D I think my art has been evolving at a pretty good pace recently because of these motivators.. the friends and regulars (including you, burstfoot!!) that visit my blog regularly here really motivate me too!!

and lastly, I'm at a point in my life where I feel that if I can't get this art thing off the ground, I will probably have to give up on pursuing it properly soon... so it's partially desperation that is inspiring me to change and try new ways of expression as well :,]

[ thank you for the ask!! ]