#very complicated gender identity they dont even really understand

[moomeecore]

simone. could just be me, but i like simone better than simona

(and im not a fan of genderbent betty, but i saw one artist call him burt or berty i think)

ive never heard the name simona tbh. i feel simone has some potential but also, like, just using a genered variation on "simon" is kinda lame. burt is not a good name betty will never be burt. to offence to bert from sesame street, its ok when it's him.

[radiumpanthera]

Create // Divine

Artwork explanation below the cut

Hey besties long time no see. Again. Lol

Ive been on an art hiatus because im burnt the Fuck out and the chronic illnesses have been flaring. Fun times

BUT i finished this a bit ago on TDOV and submitted it to a local art museums pride exhibition (manifest i make it in hehe) and im rly proud of it

This piece didnt start out with any specific intention, it just kinda Happened that way (we love a happy accident). At the time i was listening to Lauren Bousfield's music and i guess i just kinda let the music direct me- ironic, because i didnt realize at first she's a trans woman, and that her song Dead Eyes, that i had on repeat, was about being trans. The words in the background are lyrics to that song btw!

But yeah, theres a lot of different motivations behind this piece. Like, one type of argument I've heard be used against trans people is like, "god doesnt make mistakes/he put you in the body he put you in for a reason" as in you're supposed to be the gender you were assigned at birth. Ive also heard stuff like "your body is a temple/dont mutilate your body (with gender affirming surgeries)" which is like,,, hmm..

But if you truly believe god doesnt make mistakes, would you not believe he made people with them being trans in mind? And im not at all religious, but if my body is a temple, im going to believe im the deity in which it worships, and i will renovate and redecorate my temple as i see fit. And that includes wearing clothes that affirm me, both masc and fem! And it includes HRT! And it includes affirming surgeries!

There is something so. Indescribably lovely and almost ethereal about trans people; the intimacy and introspection you have with yourself when figuring out your identity, making little deliberate decisions each day to discover and become who you are. Its incredibly fucking difficult as it is, even moreso with the bullshit we have to deal with from other people and the GOVERNMENT. ugh. But existence is still resistance. And i love my trans siblings, my trans friends, my trans partner, my trans community.

Another point this piece makes is that, people will dislike us no matter how we present ourselves. It doesnt matter if were "one of the good ones" or if we dont have a complicated gender or if we only use one set of pronouns. People will dislike us, hate us, even find us disgusting. Its hard, but for me, im like. If you're gonna find me disgusting i might as well be completely myself, I'll be as "disgusting" as possible. I'll be visibly trans, ill have a complex gender, ill use "it" pronouns, ill be masculine as fuck and wear skirts and croptops, body hair from testosterone, tits and scars visible because expression is fun to play around with and i wanna do what makes me feel like Me, and my body deserves recognition, and i will never make myself and my identity "palatable" for a cis persons comfort. It is not ever more important than my existence.

We all deserve to exist, we all deserve to love and be loved, we deserve to be recognized and celebrated and really Heard. We have a very unique perspective on life, gender, and the world in general. We have a relationship with ourselves and our communities and our bodies that's impossible to understand if you haven't experienced it. But it's still worth sharing as any other Human experience.

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

hii there! :)

can i b a trans guy without medically transitioning? i cant for a good many years, but also,,, i dont want to (i have several adjacent health issues that would make it difficult, also i’m neutral abt my body - i dont really have dysphoria over it and it doesn’t bother me). but i’m terrified that i’ll never be taken seriously. i don’t mind being misgendered by strangers or acquaintances (i’d actually describe myself as genderqueer if i technically had to, it’s not the label i identify with but it makes the most sense like objectively. i’m happy w/ he/him but ok with they, she, etc), but i would like it if my friends would see me as a guy. but i’m also scared to even like, ask that of them. bc i really really don’t look like a guy, or even slightly androgynous, and i kind of have this sucky internal mindset that i won’t be seen as a real guy unless i make an effort to look like one, even though that’s not what i want. i’m working on it, but it’s also… my romantic life plays a big role in it. i’m currently identifying to a lesbian to my friends bc i like girls. and it’s just girls that i like. so if I live true to myself and do say that i’m a guy, I’m also like… who would want to date me, because i’m a guy who uses he/him pronouns and ‘male’ terminology like boyfriend, but physically, i have a lot of ‘girl’ features, like big boobs, and i don’t want bottom surgery either (neutral abt my body), so i just really don’t know. it’s really hurting me bc when i realised I was queer i thought I’d find a home in the queer community and i did, for the first time ever, but as I’ve thought about my identity a bit more all my queerness causes me is stress bc I’m constantly worried that no one not even other queer people will ever take me seriously or allow me to use the labels I use or will ever want to date me (bc… like, I’m not straight, but also how can I call myself a lesbian if I consider myself a guy? It’s all complicated, to me, but I feel like I’ll be ostracised from lesbians for not being enough of a girl — even though my gender is complicated and trans guy is just the best way to explain it and the best label that fits for me — and ostracised from trans people for not being trans enough and ahhhh I’m just. Really stressed about it all, and am constantly wishing I could just be true to myself, even within the queer community, but don’t know how to…

Hey, listen to me. You have a place in the queer community, okay? If you say you’re queer, you’re queer and we love and accept you.

Yes, you can ABSOLUTELY be a trans guy without medically transitioning! I understand with health issues it can be difficult for some people. However, you do NOT need to justify your choice to me, or to anybody, okay? If you don’t want to medically transition, then don’t medically transition! That’s the end of it. Being trans is about just being Not Cis. Transitioning medically is part of it for some people, but maybe it’s not for you, and that’s okay! You can still be trans.

A lot of queer AFAB people who start to realise they might be more masc aligned start feeling guilty, wondering if they’re predatory. I also experienced this. I used to identify as a bisexual girl, then nonbinary, then I started realising I felt more like a guy. I was terrified. I didn’t want to be a creepy straight guy, I didn’t want to make the women around me or women I was attracted to feel unsafe.

Eventually I realised, it’s not BEING MALE that makes you creepy, it’s being a CREEPY guy. It’s a mindset that’s a bit hard to put into words. Being male and being attracted to women is not inherently creepy. It’s only creepy if you’re weird about it, and it’s very easy not to be.

Some lesbians might ostracise you, that’s true. However, the vast majority of the lesbian community has a long history of transmasc and trans guy lesbians. The queer community is about love and support no matter your identity. You are loved.

Seeing someone as a certain gender because of their body parts is something people can get over. I might look feminine, but I know my friends and partner see me as a guy because that’s who I am to them, a friend, a brother, a boyfriend.

If your friends can’t see you as a guy because of something as unimportant as your body, then that’s on them.

“Who would want to date me” there’s people who would, trust me. Look, when you have low self esteem, especially if you’re trans and your self hatred is related to that, it’s hard to believe you’re loveable, but believe me, you are.

I still struggle with dysphoria and wonder why anyone would love me when I’m a guy but I feel like I don’t look like one, but my partner always assures me I’m loveable, and you deserve that too.

Trans people can find loving, caring partners who love you not inspite of your transness but because it’s part of who you are and they love YOU.

Kid, be yourself. You’re welcome in the queer community. Be true to yourself, be who you are, and you’ll find the right friends and the right partner.

I hope you have a good day/night, and I’m sending so so much love. May a ray of sunlight shine upon you sometime soon, my friend. Sending warmth <33

[askanonbinary]

Hi, so I think I might be non binary, but im really confused. When I was younger, I sort of had this image for myself, I wanted to be a woman, with a man, and have kids, but now that I think about it, it never really felt right, I think I just wanted to fit in with society, I didn't really like anyone and barely even knew what gender was back then, and didn't know being queer was a thing. I mean i still dont properly tbh. Also what the heck even is gender, because, I mean, I don't feel right being a girl or a guy, and I know i feel more comfortable being a girl (I am afab) but at the same time being a girl doesn't feel right either. Like almost I prefer presenting as more stereotypically masculine but I prefer more feminine terms, like pretty etc, but my gender feels neutral. Is that valid? I mean i still prefer to be more girlish, so am i just faking it? Or maybe i dont prefer to be considered as a girl but ive just always been seen as one and i live in a cis and heteronormative society, and im only trying to be female so i fit in? I mean, i don't even know why I feel more gender neutral, considering I don't really even understand what classifies you as a certain gender. Also i don't like guys I don't think, I think I just used to think I liked them because I identify with them more, but then my first 'girl crush' turns out to be genderfluid/non binary, but I still like them, so how does that actually work. Like I don't really get how some genders don't feel attractive to me but others do? How do I not like men but like basically anyone else? And how do I even go about being queer, or figuring stuff out, or just maybe even acting more comfortably with my gender, im so confused? Im sorry if that sounds weird, I'm only recently discovering I'm queer, and don't really know how to go about it, plus my family aren't very understanding and I dont have many queer people around me that I can ask for advice, all the other queer people I know are only starting to figure it out too, I have no idea what or who I am yet, is that valid?

; well firstly I'd like to say you're going to feel confused for a while, because this is a new and confusing process. Often when someone grows up in a world with desires and expecations set by others ( get married, have kids, etc like you mentioned ) plus the additional how you should be / act ( be cis, be straight, etc, ), it's really confusing to then realize you don't fit into these very restricting boxes. And so genuinely, don't feel bad for being confused and for being complicated. Those are probably the most " normal " ( as in, common ) things you could be really. Difference is the most common thing there is, so don't stress that you don't fit into one or two neat little boxes ! No one really does do they

; secondly, how you feel about your gender vs how you like being referred to & expressing yourself are all three separate things, sometimes they're similar sometimes not. But if you feel neutral, but prefer feminine terms while also wish to present masculinely, then that's okay ! You're okay to be that and to feel that, totally okay. ( also side note: what " classifies " you as a certain gender is whether or not you want to be classified as that gender, simply speaking. You want to be nonbianry ? You're nonbinary. Want to be a girl ? You're a girl. Want to be a mix of both or three or four ? Then you're that ! And everyone is going to be nonbinary, etc, a little differently. There's similarities and common experiences but it's your identity, so it's going to be specific to you !! )

; thirdly, when realizing you're nonbinary ( and / or when beginning to question your gender at all ) often orientation comes after, and vice versa. ( I know that the moment I found out liking people other than men was an option, I wondered if being a man was an option too and then it simply took off from there and now I'm where I am today: just as confused as I was before much more confident that even if I don't always have the right label, I'm comfortable being me in whatever phase " me " is that day or even that minute, and if that changes then it changes ! ) So if you right now don't feel attraction to men, you don't feel attraction to men ! And I get it, knowing " why " or " how " you like one gender but not the other is confusing, especially with how diverse gender is in the first place. But just, trust that you know what you want, and stick to that while navigating all these terms and experiences !! You'll get through the initial panic, don't worry.

; and fourthly, it's not weird or anything: this is literally the place to ask questions about these sorts of things, and if anyone is going to understand your experiences even just a little it's going to be the people who went through / are going through them too. So no worries about that !! And if the people you're asking questions from answer back with a question themselves, you can find the answers together.

; and lastly: you're valid, your identity is so valid and it has been forever. No matter how confusing or complicated or different it is, it's valid. Even if you never 100% find a label / labels that describe you fully, you're still valid ! And your identity sure as heck is real, I mean it's your identity and it's right there. Seems real and valid enough to me no ?

; good luck figuring out your identity and everything else, and I wish you luck on being confused !! :]

- Mod Xela

[dragonic-astral-unicorn-kin]

I identify as a theta, that means something different to everyone who uses the term but for me it goes closely hand-in-hand with being intersex, transmasc and traumatized.

In regular world gender and sex dynamics, i was never a "proper girl" biologically or socially.

Biologically, ive naturally had much higher androgen levels than a "girl ought to" and devleoped bigger, stronger, and went into puberty earlier than my peers (i was quickly surpassed in height, but natural muscle mass/gaining ability, hair growth, and scent has always been skewed). Since it began, my menstruation cycle has always been very abnormal yet consistent in its own patterns (a max of six times a year before T HRT, average of 3 times a year with clear hormonally influenced changes the two weeks leading up to menstruation). Tests after my sterilization surgery confirmed that i was infertile to begin with (but better safe than sorry)

Socially i was raised very alternatively/noncomformingly but also with a lot of inconsistencies and instability (feelings of security and protection also fickle or nonexistant at times). I long for family, community, a pack - but my learned skills and behaviors dont match up with instincts and subconscious needs. Im very caring and protective of others, but had to learn empathy and understanding later in life. Ive always been stubborn and assumed a leading role without thinking about it in friendships and relationships (which im now fairly burnt out on doing).

Psychologically, im baseline neurodivergent to begin with, Autistic, ADHD, Synesthesia. Add in the additions of trauma, and it gets complicated and messy quickly.

*Spiritually/metaphsically*, I was raised with a whole hodgepodge of religious and spiritual aspects, familial practices/commons, and my own core aspects that act as a deep baseline of my alterhumanity and how i interact with the world.

When it comes to omegaverse/misce, i found omegaverse after i already fell into my cycles and instincts and felt radicalized that there was something in fiction i could relate to (It was of course the werewolf influenced SPN works at first and then Homestuck works with a variety of animalistic influences). I identified with the omegaverse for nearly a decade before i learned the term Mices and then it took longer to find and think about subdynamics.

So anyhow, to me, the Theta subdynamic means two things: theta could be an unbrella term in my verse for those who do not fit into the Big Three, but then even more specifically for my identity, I am someone who was supposed baseline omegan, but was raised without omegan influence/expected to be more alphain/sigman (sigma being used in the more "loner" sense) and through biological abnornalites and raising developed a combinations of clashing alphan and omegan traits emotionally, biologically, socially, and even scent wise.

If i really need to give a short/filtered form of my identity I'll call myself a beta and can and have acted as one, but i have more complex needs comparatively.

My ideal role in a pack dynamic would be as a helper with physical tasks like manual labor, crafting, food, acting as tertiary caregiver to children (like a sort of uncle or mentor) and even a spiritual/religious role in my community.

As it is, i struggle with feeling like an outsider in many circles, including misce for various reasons including self inflicted, which i will work on - but my dynamical identity is something i am sure of and will work with.

[atlasrayz]

Ok ok NOBODY ASKED or even CARES but like I really really wanna talk abt why Dr Habit is a trans woman so like buckle the fuck up cuz its late and im tired

Started this at like midnight so 🫶

I think its not at all a stretch to say that Habit's parents tried to push her to be more "masculine". We know her father was physically abusive from the art on the roof and the diary entry from when she was ten. When he caught her kissing the lily, he lashed out. It's most likely he did this because it was "girly" to kiss the flower. This is a little iffy, since we always see her, even as a child, depicted with long hair. If they punished her for acting girly, surely they'd dissapprove of her having long hair. I think part of it has to do with how young she was in the art gallery. She's only *ten*, and while people do often push gender norms on kids, i feel like it's done to a bit of a lesser extent the younger the kid is, or at least, kids dont understand it as much. However, it could just be that they didn't think long hair was really an issue worth pursuing.

We know that they pressured her to be a doctor, when her real passion was for flowers, so its safe to assume they would be willing to pressure her to be more manly or masculine.

Also, with Jimothan and Parsley's story, Jimothan pushing Parsley to be more manly and talking a lot about girls and sports and pushing that on Parsley, we know that this stuff is present in the s4m universe. However, the difference with Jimothan and Parsley vs Habit and her father, is that Jimothan tries to accept Parsley the best he can, even if he doesn't really get it. He still loves his son, and doesn't want to lose him. There's also Trencil and Nat, another Father-child relationship. Theirs is different though, in that Nat is very young, and is going through a phase of wanting to be a cool grown up teenager who doesnt need her dad but still does love him, while trencil just wants to be close to his daughter like he once was, and doesnt understand why she seems to be drifting away from him. I wouldnt be at all surprised if Habit held a lot of resentment for Nat & Trencil and Jimothan & Parsley, envying the relationships they have, while also being frustrated that these "sad people" get to have loving, caring families while she doesn't get to have that.

I think she'd embrace femininity more after moving away from her parents, but I don't think she'd realise her trans identity until post-game, while she's navigating her complicated relationship with her past and how she sees herself. Aanndd im getting really tired sso im going to sleep but rember rhis post dont forgor finish this in the morning!!!!

Ok good morning!!! Continuing trans woman Habit analysis. I think that that year after the Habitat, she would've taken a lot of time to reflect. In that time, she would've realised a lot of things about herself, and I think she would've started to explore more of the things she actually enjoys. From the epilogue we know that, post game, she began to work with flower kid in their flower shop, indicating that she's starting to do stuff she actually likes, rather than keep doing what her parents forced her into. I think that along with this, she would've thought more about her identity. For so long she'd had a fixation on smiles and teeth and appearences, that I think after realising how little all that stuff actually mattered, she would've started to have fun w it. Having fun w it by transitioning. Anyways

[floatingwithlaura]

im gonna say it on here bc it’s safer than my other socials atm. i don’t think im trans (fully). i was dead sure for 9? years. i feel like i am losing a part of myself - i am ACTUALLY gaining something but idk my heart is breaking a bit.

i was on T for 2 and a half years. i was gonna get top surgery (and decided not to for diff reasons). i changed my name. the sex on my passport is M. like. i was SO SURE.

now after all this time i’ve finally been unpacking shit in therapy and also learning about autism. and … yeah. i fucked up lmao.

it is entirely on me, i chose to do all i did and i chose to get done what i did. i consented to everything and i do not regret it. i just feel like… let down. that i wasn’t offered the support i needed earlier to understand myself and how i would feel more comfortable.

i am happy w a lot of T changes! like super happy. it made me feel like my own person. but.. yeah.

i think i would consider myself agender but i dont wanna say i identify that way bc its less of an identity and more of just my general understanding of gender. i have never understood gender. probably an autism thing! but i just DONT GET IT. i dont know how it is meant to ‘feel’ or how u even know which one u fit in.

since i was a child i just couldn’t grasp gender like everyone else and i guess that’s why i transitioned bc i never felt like a real girl. but then i didnt ‘feel’ like a boy either. and then i decided to come out as nonbinary but idk. i never ‘felt’ like that either.

to make matters more complicated, my abusive ex stepdad would bully and belittle me for being afab. he made me HATE being born how i was. the csa i felt was only because of my being born this way. no wonder i wanted to get away from it all. i refused to believe he could have an impact like that when i was 16 or so and people were suggesting it. it made me feel even more out of control. all i wanted was to be in charge of my body for once. transitioning felt like getting that control back (one of the reasons im so grateful for it).

in an ideal world gender wouldn’t exist n we would all just utilise hormones and surgery to feel good in our skin much like any other affirming surgeries.

for now i will use they/she pronouns. but idc really. gender is confusing and unimportant to me. i care more for aesthetics lmao ..

i hope this makes some sense n if anyone resonates with it plz dm me :,) i feel quite alone currently. i know it’s a very odd experience but i hope someone somewhere gets it.

[theboredasexual]

The struggle of changing your name as a trans/genderqueer person is so real.

For some context, I am AFAB and identify as genderqueer. I also use the terms non-binary or gender-fluid when explaining myself to cis people who dont understand genderqueer (usually i dont feel like articulating my very complicated gender experience to people who won't have the life experience to properly get it so i choose simpler terms).

Just because of internet-safety purposes all the names I'll refer to myself as here are not my real ones, fyi.

Before I start this inevitably long post, I'm gonna give you an analogy I like. I grew up for many years with a pretty old phone that stopped being updated when I was in like, year six. And I didnt mind it! It wasn't a bad phone, just one that was a little annoying now and then. But then my dad got an upgrade, and since Apple decided to ditch my iphone 4 update-wise, i got his old iphone 8.

...and then I lost it.

I still had my iphone 4 so I went back to it while i tried to get an 8 again. And holy fudge, it suddenly sucked. All the little problems I hadn't hated before were suddenly the worst thing ever, because i was used to not having to deal with them.

My experience with pronouns and name changes has been very similar. Lets say my birth name is... Jessica. I have a LOT of childhood memories thinking about my name and knowing its not quite right. They date back probably to around grade 1. I've always known that I'd choose a name other than Jessica for myself, but it wasnt until like last year that I discovered my sexuality and gender and realized I COULD change my name.

Suddenly, Jessica felt WORSE. Because I knew i had the option of changing it. So I made it a unisex name that i could argue was a nickname. Lets say i called myself Jessie. I've known guys called that, and girls called that, so it felt good.

But i couldnt shake the fact that people might still call me Jessica. It felt too related to what I considered a deadname, and I didnt want that. In the back if my mind, i started considering different names and found one i really really like. I've never felt as me as I did when I considered that name.

But i'm also terrified of changing it. Why? Because of that iphone analogy i talked about. Jessie is similar to my birth name, so even though Jessica still feels bad, it might feel worse if I wasnt used to Jessie. But the name I'm considering is far from that, which means the dysphoria will be far worse if i do officially change it again. Unfortunately I'm not in an environment where my real name is used by many people so i have to deal with my deadname a lot.

Pronouns have been similar. She/her was never quite right, and when I learnt I could use they/them (and others) it felt worse. I'm wondering if other genderqueer folks of whatever identity feel the same?

Sorry for the long post. I don't have many followers so idk if anybody will see this but I wanted to share nonetheless.

[klutzyklown]

[WIP]

Intro Post!

BASIC INFO!

[My name is Moths/Carni!]

[I regress to around 8-12, but I'm 19 years old!]

[I used It/He pronouns, and I'm a NOHIN dehumanix Creaturelexic type guy]

[My main account is @/cannibalcomputer! I follow from there!]

[I may not post regularly, please have patience!]

LIKES & DISLIKES!

❤️LIKES:

- HORROR MEDIA [Mostly Games!]

- CLOWNCORE/KIDCORE [Clowns in general, also!]

- ROBOTS/TECH

- MAKING ART, WRITING, ETC

💔DISLIKES:

- CRINGE CULTURE

- TOMATOES

- SWIMMING

- PROBABLY A LOT OF THINGS

LINKS!

My main account is @cannibalcomputer

My twt is @/cannibalcomptr but its very inactive and i might remake it!

I have some other sideblogs too, just dm me if youre curious! [I dont wanna link all of them]

I will just block you if I dont like you for the most part :3 I don't expect everyone to read my full intro post before interacting!!

But if you really want sum basics, here:

DNI IF:

- Racist, homophobic, transphobic, etc. How did u even make it dis far...

- Pro endo

- Exclusionist

- Against lesbians/gay men with complicated genders or sexualitys, or if youre just generally weird about peoples identity like dat

- Anti kin or therian, what are u doing here!!

- Proship or whatever u guys are calling urselves.. Please respect that I dont want people who like romanticized or fetishized pedophilia or incest or etc on my blog. I dont wanna fight about it.

- accounts based soley on nsfw content. BUT if you just sometimes have that bcus u follow from ur main or whatever idrc. you just gotta understand why a porn account following an agere account is weird, ok?

BYE!!

[genderkoolaid]

tags for context:

#im agender btw so dont come at me with terf or fucking whatever#im agender AND I say that Im a woman bc Im treated AS a woman by society which makes my experience the experience of a woman#its so important to NAME this hierarchy stop acting like sb is discriminated as a person with a uterus???#nobody sees if you have one or not when theyre disctiminating you bc they view you AS A WOMAN

I cannot imagine how you think trans activists think society is genderblind, other than thinking that if you don't say the word "woman" you magically cannot discuss misogyny.

If you feel comfortable calling yourself a woman because you are treated as such, that's fine. How you relate to your experiences is your choice. But you seem to have a rather fatalistic view of gender identity & misogyny that, I am sorry to say, sounds quite radical feminist. Even if it's technically trans-inclusive.

"Person with X" is preferred terminology, not because we think society is genderblind, but because it is good for trans people. For one, some people don't look just like a cis woman (or cis men), and they experience discrimination even at places like OB/GYNs because of that. People might insist they must not belong there, doctors may be grossed out by their bodies or claim they don't know enough about trans people to treat them. Additionally, while you may be comfortable being called a woman, for some people it is extremely upsetting. When you combine misgendering with potential dysphoria around their body and doctors who do not care or understand these issues, it can make it extremely hard to get care. While these issues are not all directly solved a change in language, it does set up that in medical situations, the focus should be on the body part being examined, not the assumption that everyone with that body part looks and identifies a certain way, and that Trans People Are Our Patients Too. "People with X" language is not describing how society sees people, its trying to change that. On top of trying to normalize words like "vulva" "menstruation" in common language rather than hiding behind "women's health" "feminine products" that make the feminized body too taboo to talk about blatantly.

This terminology is also not the extent of how trans people talk about gender and sex. "People with X" is really best for medical language, not necessarily discussions of oppression. But even then, the word "woman" does not have any magical power where saying it allows you to discuss misogyny where you could not before. You have assumed that, by not using "woman" as a blanket statement, people are saying the world is genderblind and misogyny doesn't exist. That is simply not accurate. Trans activism acknowledges, as you seem to, that gender and sex are more complicated than "two sexes which directly correlate to two genders." Following that, it makes sense to decouple identity-as-woman from discussions of misogyny.

I don't mean that in the sense that being seen as a woman has nothing to do with misogyny. It obviously does. The problem is the idea that it is identifying as a woman that leads to misogynistic oppression, or that acknowledging misogynistic oppression requires identification as a woman. I find that this mindset (very connected to radical feminism) places far too much emphasis on individuals' identity as a woman, and whether or not they are identifying in the Most Feminist Way Possible. It also obviously makes trans experiences illegible, and obscures the way that misogyny can affect even cisgender men because of how dynamic gendered oppression can be. We have terms like "perceived-women" for people treated a certain way based on the perception that they are women, or "feminized people" for people treated a certain way based on their association with femininity/femaleness. But even going back to "person with X," when it comes to sexism, that is also important to bring up, because it points to the exact parts of the body which are targeted by misogynistic sexism.

Agender as you might be, you also seem to be very detached from how trans activists understand patriarchy and how we discuss misogyny in light of the complexities of gender and sex. If you think trans people using "people with X" language think the world is genderblind and don't discuss misogyny in relation to having those body parts, it doesn't sound like you really understand trans activism at all.

the importance of inclusive language isn't just making sure trans people's feelings don't get hurt. like dysphoria can be life ruining yes & it's important to keep in mind. but trans inclusive language is vital because otherwise we WILL be forgotten. we will be overlooked by research and resources that are desperately needed. we cannot afford to be shuffled off into assumed-cisness because it's convenient

[genderqueerdykes]

Not really about how to start T and stuff but more how to deal with it? I'm a trans-enby bisexual whos really fluid with my gender presentation. As I am now I don't feel like I'm super welcome or belong in mlm spaces, conversion and communities, since everyone views me as a woman no matter how masc I feel I am. But I'm so scared of starting T, because I dont wanna be an outcast in saphic spaces for being seen as a man. How do experience my identity without feeling guilty that I'm filling a space not meant for me?

*pats you on the shoulder* hey i'm literally right in your exact same position and i want you to know that you are in fact welcome in both of those spaces even though they can feel hostile.

historically, transmaculine people have been welcome in and have opted to not leave sapphic spaces regardless of how the identify sexually because sapphic spaces understand and accept how complicated our relationship with gender can be. if you feel safe there and have a part of you that still feels sapphic, it's your community. starting T doesn't remove you from the sapphic/lesbian community. there have been so, so so many transmasc sapphics and lesbians. please try to look into Leslie Feinberg's writings- ze was a transmasc lesbian with a very complex relationship with gender and HRT and transition. I think hir works might really help you feel more at peace with yourself.

i feel unwelcome in mlm spaces as well due to the rampant transphobia in Cis dominated mlm spaces. my recommendation is honestly seek out genderqueer, genderfluid, gnc and trans mlm spaces, because holy fuck are they so much more welcoming. i understand the cis gay community isn't evil, but the transphobia that has existed there has gone unchecked for decades and transmascs are finally speaking up about it en masse for the first time.

anyway TL;DR don't let these things stop you from taking T if you feel like you'll be happier and more complete if you do. You belong in these spaces, it's just about finding the right people within them.

it's okay to feel this way, but i just need you to know you're welcome in both communities, especially if you're genderfluid. take care of yourself, i hope you find some communities that feel like home to you!

[idolshineitai]

hii!!!! happy pride!! for the pride ask game.... how about 32? ovo

🥹 HII TYSM!!! Happy pride to you too (o^▽^o) i rlly appreciate u sending an ask !! ♡

32. Something you wish people understood about your identity?

oh gosh. there’s a lot! and there’s a lot i don’t even understand myself!! :0 But .. a big one for me is that.. yes i am transmasc yes i am a femme,, as in EXPLICITLY femme lesbian!! No other sense of the word. a noun, not an adjective. a way to refer to Me entirely!! (i fucking adore when i see this and would LOVE to have it for myself someday - to be called someone’s femme, as in “my femme”, in place of any other word………it Just. feels so holy and lovely and Right. Soo outrageously lesbian)

i love being called a boy + am one sometimes (genderfluid). i love using he/him pronouns and they’re often the most comfortable out of all my sets no matter how im feeling. i love my body hair sooo much so bad + i do want to go on T someday for that reason (+ many others 💘) + all of this wouldn’t really make you think Femme, and that upsets me sometimes, but this is literally .. what makes me feel good + pretty + confident in myself + HAPPY !!! When i first figured out i was a femme lesbian it felt so so right + homely to me (still does) + if it helps my case i swoon over butches @ any given occasion ww 💗💗 i love.. fitting into this rich and vibrant community i love using these terms for myself i love being a femme full stop . i am also autistic and nonbinary which i feel factors into my understanding of gender a good deal!!

i want to take femininity and make it my own . i want to dress up in my own beautiful restoration of it (i LOVE dressing feminine i love reimagining femininity i love being fashionable and Looked At and putting shit together in all these creative ways to make something new!!!!!!!!!!! i love being seen by LESBIANS!!) + maybe even get a handsome girl’s attention in the process :> I love my transmasc identity i love my femme lesbian identity i looove existing as a complicated queer person thank u and goodnight

(+ thank u for the opportunity to talk abt this, it made me really happy ♡ i love my identity i love gay peopleee. i dont think ive discussed this so openly before + im guessing maybe some people will dislike me now? + i dont know what to say to them, but i am very happy being who i am ^_^)

[ame-wa-ame-2]

i mean, the main issue is that gender isnt just that easy. gender is complicated, people didnt just arbitrarily decide it should be.

its a complex expression of a persons identity and removing the binary in how we conceptualize it is important if we want to really understand ourselves and if we want to move forward in an open-minded way. i personally have a very complicated relationship with gender and i can see why someone would want to use the term "lesboy" because of a similar experience

overall, even if you dont understand it, it doesnt really hurt anyone and being open minded about this can aid you in respecting other people's experiences.

I think people will hate me for this but I don't agree with lesboys even if the term is used for multigendered or genderfluid people the definition of lesbian is wlw I don't get why people are trying to make it complicated

[transmeds]

My apologies, another person in your replies said “Anon you realize that exact logic is and HAS been used to justify the deliberate misgendering of trans people, right” and I thought it was you. Anyhow, there is no reason to get so nasty, I’m just asking you to explain your thoughts on this since you frequently post in the tags with your opinions. Being a “boy” or a “girl” is a social role, not necessarily a gender. So, yeah, it’s possible to take on a different gender role than the one associated with your gender. Since roles are often conflated with gender, they tend to be used interchangeably. People who are PNC often use “wrong” pronouns to express their complicated relationship with gender identity. Aside from this, some people use certain pronouns for themselves because they simply enjoy them, which is their own prerogative. So, then, you’re against being PNC because 1) it’s too complicated for you personally to process and that is somehow deserving of your vitriol and 2) you feel that English grammar and syntax rules are more important than respecting people’s referential language? How is challenging language any different than challenging gender stereotypes, as one would do being GNC? Do you prioritize your comfort over the dignity of other transgender people, or do you seriously think that language is sacred? Words are created all the time and definitions change with their usage. It sounds that rather than even attempt to accommodate your brethren, you would prefer to latch on to the anti-PNC position so you have some excuse to not challenge your notions of “gendered” language. As a person with an auditory processing disorder myself that impacts my life greatly, that is not an excuse for you not to better yourself, even if it is difficult for you. Other people do not deserve your anger for simply existing with pronouns that challenging the status quo. If you *definitively and actively know* a person’s pronouns are contrary to their appearance or identity and you refuse to even try to refer to them properly, that is not an issue with processing, but with conflating pronouns with gender identity at the best and willfully choosing to disrespect them at the worst. That can’t be explained away by saying you have a processing disorder. Do not attempt to paint being PNC as ableist because you are unwilling to challenge your deep-seeded, actively obsolescent beliefs. Having a processing disorder makes people rely on context. If you are communicating with or about someone whose pronouns you know, PNC or otherwise, you have been provided the context. You are choosing to either ignore it for your own comfort and a lack of desire to improve yourself or because you think language is more important than people. If I’m wrong, prove it.

i didnt mean to get nasty i just dnt have a good concept of whats too mean n stuff.

i love that you consistently add more to what i am saying and look to deep into it to paint me as a bad person but i will get to that later. its hard to pay attention to one thing at a time but i will try 2 go in order.

being a boy or girl isnt a social role,, its just being a girl or boy?? like a kid female n kid male like. thats not a role thts a fucking.. way to describe someones gender when theyre a kid?? like i cannot even understand why i have to say that. wtf do u think being a girl/boy is?? its a way to describe someones gender, like pronouns. not a role or gender expression.

im not against it because its too complicated or that i want to disrespect ppls pronouns or something like that you want to put into my mouth. challenging a language is different than challenging gender rules because language was made with a purpose and one that still matters today. gender roles never served a solid purpose, them getting removed doesn't matter at all.

this is really pointless because youre going to keep refusing to recognize that language is important and that pronouns aren't something that you just use to make yourself happy, they are a tool in language that serve two singular purposes. to replace a name. and to describe the person in a gendered way. getting rid of gender should just mean getting rid of pronouns all together because they are pointless without any description of the person that they are being used for. because then you cant fucking tell who they're talking about at all. this is why robots struggle with pronouns :)

its funny to me that you add "appearance" to "identity" as if 1. they match. 2. that i at all ever said they have to watch appearance. if you didnt know im NOT PASSING. 3. as if appearance matters <3

this isnt about me wanting to be rude or not challenge gender roles or anything, im a very gnc man myself. this is about the fact that pronouns only real purpose is to tell you what gender someone is, not if they're masculine or feminine or just like the sound of them. this is why getting called "she/her" makes the majority trans men dysphoric, but why wearing dresses or having traditionally feminine roles won't make the majority of them dysphoric.

you clearly aren't listening to what im saying so i dont see why you insist on replying and putting things in my mouth from finding excuses like "someone else said it" to whatever youre going to make for trying to say i just dont like people who r pnc and am using processing an an excuse, instead of an example of why its important this time.

language isnt more important than people, but people can not exist as is without a way of communicating. trying to tear down communication because you dont like its rules just make what it is to be human harder to be. i cannot be myself to anyone else if there is no words to describe who i am in a strictly male or unrelated sense. there's a difference verison of you to every person you know, and you can't make it remotely accurate without the words to express it.

[traumatisedbabygay]

ight im gonna go off about the gender crisis again, because its my blog and vent space and i'll do what i want ;)

would i be allowed to label myself as agender, even though i dont experience any gender discomfort? Like, when someone calls me a girl, or says im a sister, daughter, ect, i dont feel uncomfortable. I just feel....indifferent. It doesn't necessarily feel right, but if it felt wrong surely id be feeling more than just mild confusion. agender usually means "genderless", but could it also mean gender...indifferent? Gender...apathetic?

If i were to try and make a comparison so i can better comprehend my thoughts, itd be this. If i were unconscious due to, idk, anaesthesia or something, and then had a surgery performed, id feel nothing. Id feel no pain, no tickling. If when i was still asleep after my mum caressed my face i wouldnt feel comfort. I wouldnt feel anything. Good, bad or neutral. All i would feel would be the dreamscape that the medically induced deep sleep placed me in: abstract. Non definable. One minute in that dream i could be strolling through an enchanted forest, the next I could be falling endlessly. But no matter what happened in those dreams, my physical body would be too out of it to react. Its like my gender identity is in a very deep sleep, feeling nothing objectively but everything abstractly, all at once.

Now lets say those "abstract dreams" in the metaphor was presentation. Most of the time i present very feminine, traditionally. My style is vintage/historical, lots of long skirts and frilly blouses and braided hair. Dressing like that makes me confident, comfortable. But I also really enjoy dressing more masculine. Of course, with super long hair ill always appear somewhat feminine, but wearing waistcoats and vintage trousers and shirts makes me feel confident too. I once said to my nana when i wore a particularly masculine outfit "some days i want to be elizabeth bennet, but somedays i want to be mr darcy". But no matter how feminine or masculine i feel, i dont know how to interpret that as gender. I feel like a girl, if "feeling like a girl" could be defined as "feeling like a vague blur of nothingness". Or am i just equating femininity with girliness. Do i actually just feel feminine, but not "girly".

sjdhskdjdjjddjdjfh why is this so confusing? I genuinely think either agender or genderqueer are labels to consider, even if no label feels better. With the way my brain works, i still need some form of label. but how do i know im not just overthinking things? If i am just, in fact, a cis girl who doesnt understand what that really means?

Surely its not that uncommon an experience? To not be able to recognise what gender feels like. I dont even know what its *meant* to feel like, unlike when i was questioning my sexuality and knew exactly what liking men was meant to feel like bc of my straight friends. Can i call myself a girl for simplicity's sake? It doesnt make me sad or uncomfy, if im being honest it doesnt feel like anything. Could i say im a genderqueer girl? As in, "i'll say im a girl if asked only because the real answer is so fucking complicated and undefined that even I dont know how to word it". As in "i might say im a girl but really my relationship to gender and womanhood is so much more than that. my gender is paradoxial. I both feel and dont feel like something, but i dont even know how to describe that small "something"."

Or would i say im a genderqueer femme? I dont mind being equated with feminitity, but underneath that feminine surface everything is so jumbled and hard to decipher that its easier to just act like a girl and not think about it.

but now ive opened the can of worms. i kinda have to think about it now.

or would i just say, "hey, im (name), my pronouns are she/her but idc if you use anything else, and im......i exist." Because at the end of the day, does it matter that i cant put how i feel into words that feel adequate? Surely just existing, acknowledging that *something* is going on beneath the surface but knowing it doesnt affect me enough to seek out a label, is fine too, right?

god why is this so fucking hard

[dengswei]

hi i am so sorry like sorry if you dont want to or feel uncomfortable answering this question then please you do not need to but i was wondering what you have been gender identifying yourself as over the years? because same here, i am also in the same boat and i have been saying i am an aroace bi and i want to use pan but i dont want to use that when i havent really stepped foot out that far but i dont know it makes me confuse like i dont know if this even makes sense

hey! honestly i don't mind answering at all! please don't apologise ☺️💙💜 i've gone through a few labels am ngl because gender is weird, this got a bit long so i'll put it under the cut :)

when i first realised i wasn't cis (which was when i think i was 17-18 i can't remember) i went by non-binary and not long after that genderfluid as well but then i realised genderfluid didn't really fit anymore (i think i mostly identified with genderfluid because i was scared/a little bit of internalised nonbinaryphobia perhaps because i considered my self fluid between my agab & agender)

so after that i started to go by non-binary & agender (i also like gendervoid as well), i still think i am both non-binary and agender but there are times where i think maybe i might be fluid or flux (oh irony) on the masc side but i also think not because it happens usually when i'm dysphoric

my gender crisises happen either when i'm about to get my period (usually about a week before) and i tend to want to strip away everything related to my AGAB (this one of the reasons why i've taken my other pronouns out of my bio) and when i get misgendered a lot because i don't actually have people i'm out to irl so i don't have anyone to bounce my pronouns, gender related terms, and my name off of so i can't really tell if i like those used for me (that's why i'm really grateful that a lot of my oomfs/mutuals use my name when they talk to me/about me 💙💜) and personally i think i come across androgonous but no one else in real life sees it that way 😅😔

my agenderness is very much similar to my aroaceness how i didn't realise what i felt (or rather didn't feel) was different to everyone else so for a long time i thought i was cis and then the gates slowly started opening when i discovered my sexuality (yeah i figured that out before my gender 😂 actually i think discovering asexuality specficially helped me in discovering that i'm agender because they're very similar for me in a lot of senses, esp my journey with them both)

& it does make sense please don't worry! questioning anything is scary and daunting and you don't really know where to begin i understand completely 💙💜 and you can use which ever labels you want! i know people who go by both bi and pan, which ever label feels more you. You don't have to fit a label perfectly to try it out, and you don't need to use a label at all ☺️ (me @ me take your own advice 😂)

this why i love umbrella terms for my gender like non-binary and genderqueer (which is why i tend to say i'm non-binary over agender) because gender is weird and sometimes you can't understand it but that's okay because gender is different for everyone

this is why i love to use queer to encompass my whole identity (gender & sexuality) because it wraps it all in a neat box and it saves having to explain everything that usually comes with telling people my complicated gender or sexuality lol

& even if in the end you realise you're not that label it's okay! there's nothing wrong with realising you were wrong sometimes you need to stop off somewhere for a detour to figure yourself out before reaching your final destination 💙💜

my ask box is always open if you want to talk some more 💙💜

hey! honestly i don't mind answering at all! please don't apologise ☺️💙💜 i've gone through a few labels am ngl because gender is weird, this got a bit long so i'll put it under the cut :)

when i first realised i wasn't cis (which was when i think i was 17-18 i can't remember) i went by non-binary and not long after that genderfluid as well but then i realised genderfluid didn't really fit anymore (i think i mostly identified with genderfluid because i was scared/a little bit of internalised nonbinaryphobia perhaps because i considered my self fluid between my agab & agender)

so after that i started to go by non-binary & agender (i also like gendervoid as well), i still think i am both non-binary and agender but there are times where i think maybe i might be fluid or flux (oh irony) on the masc side but i also think not because it happens usually when i'm dysphoric

my gender crisises happen either when i'm about to get my period (usually about a week before) and i tend to want to strip away everything related to my AGAB (this one of the reasons why i've taken my other pronouns out of my bio) and when i get misgendered a lot because i don't actually have people i'm out to irl so i don't have anyone to bounce my pronouns, gender related terms, and my name off of so i can't really tell if i like those used for me (that's why i'm really grateful that a lot of my oomfs/mutuals use my name when they talk to me/about me 💙💜) and personally i think i come across androgonous but no one else in real life sees it that way 😅😔

my agenderness is very much similar to my aroaceness how i didn't realise what i felt (or rather didn't feel) was different to everyone else so for a long time i thought i was cis and then the gates slowly started opening when i discovered my sexuality (yeah i figured that out before my gender 😂 actually i think discovering asexuality specficially helped me in discovering that i'm agender because they're very similar for me in a lot of senses, esp my journey with them both)

& it does make sense please don't worry! questioning anything is scary and daunting and you don't really know where to begin i understand completely 💙💜 and you can use which ever labels you want! i know people who go by both bi and pan, which ever label feels more you. You don't have to fit a label perfectly to try it out, and you don't need to use a label at all ☺️ (me @ me take your own advice 😂)

this why i love umbrella terms for my gender like non-binary and genderqueer (which is why i tend to say i'm non-binary over agender) because gender is weird and sometimes you can't understand it but that's okay because gender is different for everyone

this is why i love to use queer to encompass my whole identity (gender & sexuality) because it wraps it all in a neat box and it saves having to explain everything that usually comes with telling people my complicated gender or sexuality lol

& even if in the end you realise you're not that label it's okay! there's nothing wrong with realising you were wrong sometimes you need to stop off somewhere for a detour to figure yourself out before reaching your final destination 💙💜

my ask box is always open if you want to talk some more 💙💜