#very autistic of me ngl
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A compilation of all the redacted characters i sketched in class since I started again (most of them i did today- )
In order we have : Sam, Vega and warden, Clavis (an oc), Lasko and Vincent + my goofy looking notebook
#redactedasmr#redacted vincent#redacted fanart#redacted sam#redacted lasko#redactedverse#redacted vega#redacted warden#redacted oc#very autistic of me ngl
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bro i punched my bedroom walls when i was 16 how didn’t i know i was transmasc years ago
#/….. /hj ngl#it wasn’t out of anger at anybody else just like frustration with myself#i think also maybe sometimes it was me having autistic meltdowns and not knowing it#oops!#anyway the signs were Very Much there i thinks#silas speaks#transmasc#trans masc#trans#transgender#tboy swag#queer#lgbtqia#lgbt+#autistic#actually autistic#neurodivergent#transmasculine#autistic meltdown#autistic meltdowns#violent meltdowns#trans things
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I just wanna say I really disliked how heated everyone got last night because even though everyone's feelings are valid, things started to get vitriolic and I never ever condone harassing the cast and crew
And I'm so happy today everyone seems to have taken a deep breath and decided to spread love and positivity instead
I kiss you all, it's all love now
#ngl i literally had to get high bc i was stuck in such bad thought loops#some of the deaths took me aback but discourse /always/ fucks with me#fandom culture tends to be very black and white and im too autistic to deal in that#it makes me question if im a good person ™️ if i have differing opinions#which!! is my own baggage to deal with but regardless#this fandom has generally been so lovely and fun and positive and kind#so im glad to see the trend returning after last night#fhjy#fantasy high#d20#christina.txt
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i think this was funnier in my head.
#puppy draws#yo-kai watch#katie forester#jibanyan#whisper#whisper ykw#usapyon#hailey anne thomas#as a diagnosed autistic person i can confirm that the autism evaluation results#just being a picture of the autism creature with text saying you have the tism is accurate#i don't even remember how this idea came to me i think i was just overly tired this morning and then this happened#also ignore the fact that i refuse to accept nate as being canon protagonist katie is like way better sorry besties <3#that's like 80% a joke. every main yo-kai watch character is my blorbo and nate is included in that#i just also prefer katie. playing 3 and rewatching the anime + reading the manga did endear me to nate more though#i like how he's average but also totally bisexual. no i will not elaborate#why do my tags always get so derailed. uhhhh back to autism. hailey is so fucking autistic ngl#there's like at least five different instances in 3 of her just completely failing to read the room#she's totally hyperfixated on sailor cuties and next harmeowny#she has adhd vibes too i think but. the tism is very strong#i can't decide my favorite part of this between the “yippee!! you have the tism” image and jibanyan asking what autism is#he doesn't know because he has autism by default through being a cat he didn't need a diagnosis#i feel like all of them are autistic tbh but that's probably just me projecting. i totally gave katie autism in the rewrite though#i wasn't even trying to i just don't know what neurotypicals are like because i got that autistic rizz. and adhd rizz. mostly the adhd#i am definitely also autistic but i think my adhd effects me a lot more in day-to-day life#since i usually just interact with my moms who know i'm autistic and are also both neurodivergent#and people online. most of who are autistic because it's mostly on tumblr and this is the autism website#yo-kai watch more like yo-gay watchtism amirite-#oh also very amused by hailey just poofing into existence in the second picture. as you do
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shoutout 2 this person in my class who i can tell wants 2 talk 2 me really bad but instead of doing that whenever she has the chance she'll talk 2 whoever else is around and ignore me entirely unless im mentioned by name
#bruh lmao#so awkward. say something you dingus lol#ik you wanna talk 2 me so bite the bullet already#gyatt#spacie spoinks#literally. she was having a conversation with my partner for the project im doing. and like#heres the thing#if im not invited into conversation i usually dont participate#im like a vampire like that#and so like. after they're done conversating she'll just kind of. stand there. this has happened twice now#like dude sdkfjshlkdfj#im not upset by this behavior i have very awful social patterns as well and have been thru this (i am autistic)#am i gonna hafta say something. lol#probably#''hey bro whats up with you. i dont mean like how are you doing. i mean like. whats wrong with you.''#cant say that its not funny when you say it irl only when the ppl you're talking with know you're not being mean 😭#also like. this person has been staring at me lol#which like. makes me flustered so whenever she's around i panic and my face fucking turns red its god awful#for awhile it made uhh. my paranoia get really bad im ngl!!#its already bad when it comes 2 being around strangers but this like made it REALLY bad for a few weeks#im more calm now tho. rational brain won over and im chillin#i gotta work up the courage 2 say something b4 the semester is over or this is gonna bother me for the rest of my life sfkjsdhflkjs#i dont wanna put her on the spot#the only time i see her is when im in class#and . doing that interaction in front of ppl. i dont wanna embarrass her ksjfskjd
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No I'm still thinking about that render I did and I need to speak my truth.
Borderlands Silent Hill au in which a regular and normal teenager/ young adult Angel experiences The Horrors but also learns how to overcome her trauma and how to finally live her life for herself. 😁😁😁
#i never talk here but this is very on my mind#im not good at words or writing so ummmm#she left home or something and started just driving as far as possible and ran out of gas in silent hill#shenanigans ensue!!#Aand timothy is there#like a reverse maria he is kind of uncomfortable around angel but she refuses to let him out of her sight because she doesnt trust him#as she should#also love the mental image of angel beating a monster to death with a lead pipe#can someone please be autistic about this with me pleeeease#borderlands#This is just me putting borderlands characters into silent hill ngl#playing with them like dolls in my head
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I snoopes around your old tags aand I am a little in love with Harwen
Aaaah, thank you, I'm so happy you like him! ❤️❤️
I've been thinking about him a lot this Veilguard eve too, kinda revisiting him (and some of my other, "non-canon" guys, especially vis a vis the Themes™ and how they continue through the new guys), and for what it's worth... I think that for a character I made when I was only like 22, he still works pretty well!
I would probably do a few things differently now, more consciously, but, I mean... I still think that the "reclusive, introverted, gray-ace-but-specifically-demisexual Dalish assassin-strategist Experiencing Cultural Divide And Alienation" is still a fun concept that I really like!
.... I have also been toying around a bit with mods for the BG3 cc, to try and make (among others) him an updated face for the Veilguard timeskip too, and um.
the "Vallaslin" and the nose on this one are not quite right (the Vallaslin is supposed to be Andruil's, and his nose is supposed to be a bit hooked, kind of aquiline), but in his mid- to late forties? There's no way Harwen isn't gonna be dilfy. A positively dilfy elf.
(This is, I believe, is Shadowheart's dad's face, and he's an assassin-spec archer rogue in Dragon Age canon, but I think he'd be more of a hunter-, or gloom stalker-subclass Ranger in real DnD.)
#squirrel plays dragon age#oc: harwen lavellan#is another one of those guys who make me kind of side-eye my younger self#for never having as much as entertained the thought that yeah; she might very well be autistic#like let's be real. let's be SO real. yeah Ray probably only has his regular plot-PTSD piled on top of his cPTSD#but this guy? this guy is *textbook*. i re-read some backstory shit i had written about him back in the day; and well uh#ngl i could have straight up pulled half his thoughts and feelings from the DSM5#and i was just writing it like “hahehahuhehaho this is gotta be so relatable to everyone else too hehehihihohohu”#“i'm sure everyone experiences the world as if there was this invisible yet impenetrable wall between themselves and the rest of society”#“and like; numbly searching for belonging and never feeling quite right no matter where you are; but feeling Worse Occasionally?”#“totally the universal experience of being human”#and here i am 30 years old and holding my head in my hands like no. no babygirl. most people actually don't usually feel like that#but thank you for confirming it for me yet fucking again#(also. how wild it is for him to be both demi and autistic huh. no wonder baby boy has never been in a proper relationship before Josie.)#(yeah for sure; have the guy who struggles with establishing relationships only experience attraction through a deep emotional bond)#(that's not gonna make him lonely for sure)
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[[ Very much OOC but I love how the suggested posts I have in this blog are very old fanarts I have saved because they're like little treasures for me ]]
#ooc#ngl every time I get fanart my heart goes '!!!!!!'#I love every piece I get it makes me so happy#also makes me go back to those times I started and I was so lost oof#but the community was very welcoming anyway#I was just there being like. 16 years old lmao#a pure baby#but y'all accepted my autistic quirky ass and I still recall#the fandom was also *really* active back then#lots of cool people around to check#aa memories#mucho texto yada yada#before this gets confusing: the fanarts were reblogged from what now is my mod blog!#this side blog is maybe 3 years old#James has been around for almost 10 years! wowsie
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i hate that i am just one person bc theres so much at cedar point i need to fix but again i am one person
#FOR A SECOND. we were arguably on par with disney and other major parks ngl!!!#some people would argue that we still are but truthfully we're not!!! theres virtually nothing for FAMILIES.#shows are barely advertised and barely existent. theres very few rides in between kiddie rides and major ones#and part of it is probably nostalgia talking but genuinely cedar point used to be a REALLY good park#i love it still. its still my park its still what im dedicating my life to but it can be more#ive seen it and its what got me here in the first place#the corporateness of it all has killed it badly#but again. i am just one very sad autistic person#the park will probably close in my lifetime#im just a pallbearer
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ngl i think i might start sobbing
#they're so pretty#a turntable was either the best investment bc dopamine or the worst for my bank account ngl#greta van fleet#starcatcher#taylor swift#1989 taylor's version#i am very excited about this#although my friend called me a 50 yr old autistic man for owning a turntable (i am autistic tbf) (just not 50 or a man)
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Me, at my desk at my office job, slowly going insane:
My way too chill manager, pointing at me in my designated corner: hey we need more of exactly whatever this little freak is up to
#once a week she tells me that I am so very good at what I do#thank you ma’am i am just super autistic#and it happens to be very helpful here ngl
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Feel valid with your trauma from being a glass child and not have you biggest trigger get set off by feeling not heard or search ‘glass child’ on tiktok and see half the videos of people going “poor me I made my sibling a glass child wah wah” and the other half are actual glass children with comment sections calling them ableist or dramatic when they even say they don’t blame their siblings
#literally the romanticization of autism and deification of glass children ran me off that app#I still go on but not nearly as much#well autism isn’t that much of a trend anymore at least#remember a few months ago everyone was self diagnosed autistic and if you used logic and said that’s ridiculous you would get doxxed?#because I fucking do#ngl this site hardcore still does it but I’m not leaving here any time soon and y’all actually have brain cells so I don’t mind as much#bestie I was a glass child with two very mentally ill parents you could call me the most vile insults and I’d probably laugh awkwardly#oh but if you genuinely don’t hear what I say and ask me to repeat myself I’ll claw your fucking eyes out#still working on that one in therapy
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ugh
#eli.txt#having thoughts. mainly abt how like. most ppl in my life who arent in my friend group probably wont believe me if i say im trans#since im pretty fem presenting most of the time and i like it that way but they wouldnt Get It#my family sure as fuck wouldnt get it. my mom wouldnt get it. no one would get it theyd probably think im lying for attention#they tend to think i do that like when i said 'hey i think im autistic' a lot of my relatives and family friends straight up said i was lyin#i dont want to like. never come out. at least my mom deserves to know and i want her to know but when i think about how no one would Get It.#i just want to cry a little ngl. they dont fucking get it#im not going to sacrifice the way i like to look and act just to make people understand me better#bc. i know my mom wouldnt get it. but i know she loves me so much that she would try to get it.#there are people in my family i know wouldnt bother to try to get it if i was the most binary masc presenting trans guy in the world.#and i dont care to try to please them. they dont even have to ever know. its my mom that scares me#ive had. very few. discussions abt the genderisms with her. they never go well.#shout out to when i said i wanted a binder and my mom started crying. lol ✌#idk man i just. goddammit i wish i could just beam the way i interact w my gender into other peoples minds so they Get It but i cant do that#idk!!!!!! this is stupid#i just i am sad
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Hey uh the person on spotify who made a Zohakuten playlist with 105 songs in less than 2 days uhm are you mentally well. Lots of actually pretty good songs ngl
also some songs on here that just give me good general clone vibes as well do rec you check it out
#zohakuten#hantengu#its like very rare now a days for me to find a playlist that I like for characters esp a large normie fandom like demon slayer#but michael_ you did pretty good all in one hit#ngl idk if your autistic but you have the power of a manic autisic for making a pretty good playlist with 105 songs in two days
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i used to think that i was just a really selective multi-shipper. but in reality i was just aroace.
#maybe this doesnt make sense to anybody but me. but thats okay#OH and also autistic#LMFAO whoops this almost turned into vent tags#no this about how i thought i was a multi shipper with heavy taste. but just turned out im just aromantic and i dont rlly have the words to#explain how that works.#and also autistic because i only care about 3 bitches and i REALLY VERY MUCH care about those bitches.#and only them#kinda sad ngl
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my favorite aus are the ones where people hc a character as autistic and then proceed to make the character act the exact same
#or add very subtle details like actual stimming or wearing the same clothes everyday#like if you hc a character as autistic theres a reason you do and its bcuz of how the character acts#ans bcuz of that#the character doesnt even have to change#also i hate when fandoms are full of people who are normal about characters#like bro have fun with these flesh beings we call our blorbos#also i hate when people deny hcs#like its a hc for a reason...#my notebook is tge only one that actually gets me💔#my sketchbook and note are probably done with me ngl#theyre so tired of bat anatomy & shark anatomy studies#abd me desiginh a locket for 2 hopeless romantics😭🙏#“im tired of this grandpa!!” “WELL THATS TOO DAMN BAD😡😡😡”
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