#vent? i feel like vent is the word

[wrencatte]

I'm having a bad week. Like really bad. I think it's because I cut something unhealthy but addictive out of my diet, cold turkey. I've been more fatigued, more easily distracted, unable to focus, and my feelings are all over the place. I hope this is just temporary, but if it turns out it was actually helping me with my adhd I might actually be screwed because I have no idea what I'm going to do then.

I don't want to ask people if I'm annoying them because that just makes them uncomfortable and sets up a bad feeling in whatever relationship I have with them which is the exact opposite of what I want. I just have to accept that I'm not because if I was, they wouldn't keep talking/pinging me, right? And even if I am annoying, they still like me enough to ignore it.

I know I'm a good writer, and I usually feel like I am, but I cannot for the life of me like anything I'm writing right now. I have 7 different fics to write, 1 by april 27th and 6 by may 12th, and I'm just completely -tears hair out-. I would be less stressed if ckw wasn't something I made and was pushing, but it's literally my own fan week. How can I not participate in my own fan week? I wanted to write something tragic for the 28th, but I get one paragraph down that I like, and then the rest literally doesn't come. I stare at my screen, brain working, and my fingers don't make the words.

I hate feeling like this and I thought I was getting better. I really did. And I know there's ups and downs and I have no control over it but I'm just so...sad and annoyed that I'm sad and frustrated that I'm sad and just grrr.

Anyway. I just need to rant.

[mossy-aro]

ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.

when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!

that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.

but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!

joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.

and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.

tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.

[crabsnpersimmons]

"Slow down, Sunshine. You're not falling behind and you are loved for more than what you do for others."

[deoidesign]

I met the me who made different choices

[sunlit-mess]

noticing in your vents—

is your sister okay too?

We laugh, sure, but we both know we're not ok.

[inkly-heart]

please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤

🌱

[phoebespenglers]

can we please stop telling people to kill themselves and to rot in hell and that they deserve to be bullied and that they are inherently horrible people who deserve to die and get doxxed. please. can we please stop doing that.

[ask-the-colony-tree-siblings]

Hey, Hunter!

Aside from the chronic back pain, what other long lasting symptoms did you have from the Rot, if any?

((Okay! So my attempt to answer this somehow developed into a rant about Hunter’s characterization so… here you go lol.))

So I have to answer this on Hunter’s behalf, because part of his character is that he doesn’t like to admit any sort of weakness. Apart from chronic pain, I essentially just gave him the symptoms of low iron. He gets light headed and dizzy, and he is often tired or low energy. 

Hunter has this mindset that being weak, or showing weakness makes you useless. (I wonder what could have possibly made him develop that way of thinking. Surely nothing to do with the way he was raised and treated growing up.) Keep in mind, Hunter’s very logical logic only applies to him. He wouldn’t judge Survivor for not being strong, Hunter just has unhealthy expectations of himself that definitely aren’t realistic anymore with his post-rot symptoms, and were never actually that realistic to begin with.

He has a habit of ignoring his own symptoms, and pretending to be perfectly fine when he isn’t. He’d never admit it if his chronic pain is making it difficult for him to function properly. 

(His physical health is one thing, but don’t even get me started on how Hunter views his mental health lmao.)

Uhhh anyways bonus light headed/dizzy Hunter:

[mel-loly]

-“Você tem um longo caminho pela frente/You have a long way to go..”

Desenhos e “frases“ feitas por/Drawings and “phrases” made by: Melissa.

Obs/Note: Você é forte e você consegue, você só precisa descansar/You are strong and you can do it, you just need to rest.

Essa “comic” foi feita com o intuito de mostrar que tanto você não está sozinho, que você é especial, que importa, e que é normal se sentir cansado, só não deixe de viver... Não largue seus sonhos ou conquistas fora por causa desse “cansaço”.. Você ainda tem um longo caminho pela frente, você tem pessoas que te amam, ou “bichinhos” que te amam, então... Continue, uma hora vai passar e você vai ver que, esse “cansaço”, só foi uma dor daquelas muitas que você teve e já enfrentou.

This “comic” was made with the intention of showing that you are not alone, that you are special, that you matter, and that it is normal to feel tired, just don't stop living... Don't give up your dreams or achievements just because of this “tiredness”.. You still have a long way to go, you have people who love you, or “pets” that love you, so... Keep going, an hour will pass and you will see that, this “tiredness”, it was just one of the many pains you have had and faced.

Agradeço por chegar até aqui e.. Tenha um ótimo dia/I appreciate you getting this far and.. Have a great day💛

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

feeling very grateful for the cute barista today who clearly clocked a) my fontaines d.c. tote, and b) the fact i was stuck on a spectacularly bad date, and proceeded to play me an entire playlist of fontaines d.c. and sneak me extra vegan marshmallows with my hot chocolate

[angeldaisies]

tlh side of the fandom is dead anyway but even if it wasn’t i still wouldn’t interact because i’ve come to realize that people just don’t like herondaisy and that’s so disheartening to me. even people who do like them usually go “yes but *insert character that is actually better*” and i know people can like whoever they want of course and i know it’s not a competition of which ship/character is better but also it’s very tiring to come online and see your personal faves being disliked at worst and tolerated at best by basically everyone with very few exceptions.

[snowflake-sage]

Vague vent bc I'm tired of these feelings

[off-the-rails-raccoon]

Did you like the new ending :3 (fuck the old one)

I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!!! It's the best logical way the dsmp could've ended AND because it's so open-ended, it leaves a lot of room for the fandom to build on, which isn't something you see a lot in media nowadays.

HOWEVER, it has been really bothering me these past few days since it was released, and I've had complex feelings about it that I haven't really been able to figure out until somewhat recently. Though, this is probably just me lol!

I'm gonna try to make this as short and legible as I can, but as you know I'm so very bad at that so sorry in advance.

Dsmp has been my main source of entertainment and an escape from just life in general since I first started getting into it—which was back in mid-2020 or so, but that was less of dsmp itself and more of the fandom. Though I still really enjoy the content creators content itself, I've watched them less and less and on the occasion that I see a clip or quote by them (especially Tommy) it's SO jarring how much they've changed and matured, and it's only a reminder of how I've done the same. That's the feeling I got when seeing the new lore. Everything has changed, people have matured, relationships have drifted apart, and we are living in the present.

It's like the feeling of finding an old toy that you distinctly remember loving so very much way back then and realizing you feel indifferent to it now. You've changed, your taste of things you enjoy changed, your relationships with people have changed, and you've grown.

I don't want to go back but I don't want to stop reminiscing, and this ending has made me realize that.

[sgkjd]

me the minute i'm hit with over exhaustion: i need to die bc nobody needs me and im tired of pretending to be capable of being human

[sonyshock]

As the end of the year approaches, I find myself thinking I probably looked very silly wanting to become one of these IDW Sonic cover artists. At the same time, I found a very close family member is probably mega racist and very, very toxic. One thing is more important than the other, but they are both things that I loved but I probably should let go.

And I don't know in which direction to walk away.