#vent post oops

[digitalcockroach]

all other election discourse aside it's fucking depressing to be a '98 baby in the USA lmao turned 18 and got to vote in my first election in 2016 and watched Trump win and chugged a beer in front of my mom, then i had to say no to him again in 2020 and spent 4 years getting my eyes opened to just how evil the dems are too, now they're making me make this fucking same choice again a 3rd time in a fucking row, and every cycle it feels like the last straw but it keeps happening! i was born under Clinton, raised under Bush, went thru the 2008 crash and the Obama elections as an impoverished adolescent and got repeatedly radicalized by things like the Sandy Hook shooting and the killings of Mike Brown and Tamir Rice and the Flint water crisis - on top of personal experiences with police and the law and authority in general and being poor and finding out im queer and becoming disabled this is all happening as i was already an anarchist-leaning punk-loving anti-war kind of 16 year old and then well like i said it just. kept. coming. and getting worse. and getting more extreme and obvious how utterly fucked up everything is. and now ive finally educated myself at least passingly on all the shit happening and that we're doing in the REST of the world destroying peoples and places and the seasons have disappeared and the fires and floods have gotten closer and the price of everything has gotten too high to get by again and i feel fucking INSANE! being asked to make this choice again! because it's not a fucking choice and everything is fucked!

[iveraines]

i've had such bad creative burnout lately and drawing has felt like a chore

[impiusangelus]

I fucking hate being alive in the age that I am. I hate it so much. I have to get into college to get a good job but I have to study hard for it. And in concept that already sounds tiring. I can’t just sit down and study a single fucking subject. My brain just fucking refuses to do so. I lose focus. I look away. I do anything but sit down, open that godforsaken computer and study. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm turning into a lazy parasite. Everyone around me is getting into college but I certainly won't because I'm a stupid former gifted kid that can't do shit and finds pretty much nothing to be truly enjoyable anymore. Oh my god I wish I could just end it already. I wish I could just off my miserable little life already and be done with it. I hate being alive.

[purplepixel]

[antikr1sta]

(tw sh/blood/vent art) "i hate it here, i hate the smell and fluorescent lights, but most of all I hate you", he utters, gazing at his own face in the reflection of a dirty mirror; as both are only hanging on by a thread.

blood/injury tw ↓

..yeah.. i really really hate it here

[solplease]

“you’ll never be their first choice.”

spiralling.

[lavenoon]

He's been waiting for a chance to use that line himself

@naffeclipse everything in my brain is bounty hunter, even the self care

*self insert Aster is not a girl (he/she) *og detective au by sunnys-aesthetic

[ldpdluvr]

i wish i could be chill about media that i like but sadly, they will always take over my brain to an unhealthy extent (at least imo) i just hate that fandom bs actually bothers me this much, i sometimes wish i could stay somewhere between being a casual-ish fan and the level of interest i have now, like ofc ppl are gonna be shit no matter what but i realllly wish it didn't affect me at all like i wish i could see someone post something that completely mischaracterises my fave characters without being so pissed off about it or literally just any of the other drama happening in this fandom, i wish i could see it and not care about it

which ofc is hard bc most of the stuff that pisses me off and upsets me is how anti-black a lot of ppl in this fandom are like the outright racism and colourism that i see in this fandom is literally killing my interest a bit icl, i love louis, loustat and iwtv sm and i wanna stick around but seeing this stuff just puts a damper on my mood and interest

idk i probably won't go anywhere bc like i said i get obsessed with my interests to an unhealthy degree so i won't be able to reduce how fixated i am on this show and i was in my last fandom for like 5 years?!? (and i'm still there kinda) so i feel like with iwtv i will be here for a long time fr

anyways ​this whole thing is really disappointing and upsetting, i was really so happy to find a vampire show that had a gay black male lead and it didn't shy away from commenting on the racism and anti-blackness the character experienced from other characters, only to get to the fandom and see that there's ppl doing that and worse, it makes me feel like they truly watched the show with their eyes (and ears) closed

[nostalgic-traveller]

I'm running on empty and no fuel can turn me to how I was before

How long till I break down?

[yagurlhere]

WARNING:SPOILERS!

"NOOOO! LIGHTBULB!!!!! 😭"

"LIGHTBULB ANGST!!!!! 😭"

"LIGHTBRUSH ANGST!!!!!! 😭"

"THIS HURTS SO MUCH!!!! 😭"

"I'M CRYING!!!!!! 😭"

"PAINTBRUSH CRYING!!!!! 😭"

"MY HEART!!!!! 😭"

Me: FINALLY.

[junebluues]

i really like how alien stage has characters we can relate to in some way shape or form. i think with that it makes it easier to latch onto them and be more distressed when they get killed off. and i also really love how most of this is an up to interpretation thing but everyone mostly believes the same exact things about the characters you know. its a lot of theorizing and analysis and i really like that in a series because it makes me think. alien stage means so much to me because of the state i was in when i found it. it really helped me through a lot in my life. i grew so attached to the creators and the characters that i'm so sure i won't really ever stop being a fan.

i remember watching the very first trailer and being so excited when i saw it was an entirely new series from vivinos with different characters i knew i would love. before round 1 dropped i was basically at an all-time low because i had been dropped by someone i cared so much about even if she was a horrible person to me and as weird as it sounds i found comfort in mizi's situation in a way. i knew it wasn't the same but watching someone you've known since childhood go away in front of you like that is heartbreaking. and i understood all of it.

when round 2 was released i understood till too. to love someone only to have them love someone else, to put all your time into making them notice you just to watch as they fell for someone else. i don't know why he became my favorite character but he kind of just did? something about him intrigued me. but ivan was an entirely different story. i saw more of myself in him than i ever did in till. when i first watched his round, i cried. i knew how he felt and it really hurt me. after that i stopped watching for a while but he never left my head. when i learned more about how ivan and sua were similar, i found myself relating to both of them on certain levels.

i think something about seeing myself in all the alien stage characters even in minimal ways helped me heal. it somehow helped me realize that yes, my trauma is actually trauma, and yes other people can feel how i feel towards love and affection. alien stage has been one of the biggest comforts to me since its release. it made me feel seen. it helped me feel like i wasn't alone. i really believe it showed me things about myself i wouldn't have realized otherwise. i would absolutely love it if i could go in extreme detail on how i relate to all the characters but this might get way longer than it already is and more odd... oops

[digitalcockroach]

not to be all why me but actually why tf does there have to be SO much wrong with my body like my joints are fucked, my back is fucked, my teeth are fucked, my digestive system has literally never in my life been regular, my senses are over sensitive, im chronically fatigued and in pain, i cant process or absorb multiple essential nutrients because im riddled with genetic mutations, migraines all the time now, my brain is fucked and i cant remember things, discern reality clearly, sleep through the night, or feel satisfaction from completing tasks, before i was on testosterone my menstual cycle had me bed bound and suicidal half the month, not even to mention that i got blessed with the Wrong junk to begin with, i just

as a kid i literally used to lay in bed and between all my other existential dreads id think why did i have to get born into this body at this time in this place with this family? i could be so amazing if i was anyone else and like i do still struggle with my self worth a lot but not nearly as much now i just get so angry and defeated and alway always tired bc no matter how much i try or want it there's only so much my fucking body will let me do and so much more i gave up because it's inaccessible to me

which isnt even to begin to dig into how much WOULD be accessible with any financial independence! but nah im too disabled to work but not enough for benefits, not that i can get the documentation and diagnosis necessary to be taken seriously on state insurance anyways, I'll just live backed into a corner whatever

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

I was talking about the last Airbender with one of my friends and how the whole "ending the cycle of violence" actually works really well and serves the story and the message it wants to send. it's one of these only instances where the choice of not killing the big bad guy makes SO much sense beyond the "murder bad".

It's the air tribe SURVIVING the genocide the fire nation despite all the hurt. It's so thematically powerful.

But having the supposedly anti imperialist show KEEP the military at the end? Is misguided at best. We're talking abt the same military that is built upon the blood and exploitation of others. Like the point is RIGHT THERE, and yet...

And gen I think that's what Arakawa is; misguided.

Cause she gets so many things right in her works that I don't get how else she could've chosen to end Scar's arc like *that*.

I just think she hasn't been properly introduced to intersectionality and radicalism and thus she's stuck in the liberal limbo. But then again, I might be wrong idk ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

ATLA shares a similar anxiety towards the oppressed who become "too violent" ala Jet and Hama. Pulls the classic "make the radical/angered victim of genocide behave cruelly to their fellows in order to equivocate the violence of entrenched power with those lacking".

Though I can give it to ATLA that, narratively, Aang defanging Ozai rather than killing him is an act of reclamation of his culture, as the sole surviving Air Nomad. Though we can ask how the meta-narrative uses this cultural context to soften the blow against an empire. But, given the homage to existing pacifist practices and ideologies, it feels more earnest and less nakedly protective of imperialist institutions compared to mangahood. But the cycle of violence is the growth of the Fire Nation as an imperial power, not the retaliation against the war machine; if Aang had chosen to kill Ozai, that's not a perpetuation of a cycle. Empires don't arise simply because someone took one down, and empires don't conquer and slaughter people because an empire had been quelled. The cycle of violence doesn't really map onto such things as imperialism, not without flattening all violence to "bad always".

It's been a long time since I watched the show; contrasting it to Brotherhood would work well, but who has the time? If nothing else, ATLA at least follows the victims and survivors of the Fire Nation's imperialism and massacres, rather than mangahood which largely stars genociders and imperial citizens. From what I can recall, it also has better pacing, doesn't squander its more serious and sombre moments with ill-timed gags, and the comedy/gags are more seamless/less intrusive than Brotherhood in particular. So hey, there's that too.

The supposedly "leftist", "anti-imperialist" show (Brotherhood) sure does a lot of excusing, coddling, and valorizing the military as an institution. It rests on a juvenile conception of noble idealism that, surely, all proud upstanding soldiers want to achieve for the nation. Positive nationalism! That's good and righteous, yeah? (No.) We sidestep the fact that no amount of 'noble' propaganda changes the exceptional violence that a military is literally meant to wield against those the state governs/wishes to govern/wishes to eradicate because, actually! It's the homunculi! Father makes the military and the nation it controls bad!

So there, problem solved. Anti-imperialism achieved.

We can only speculate on Arakawa's personal political beliefs. One's works are not necessarily indicative of every thought, belief, and action you hold or wish to see in the world. So no doubt she is simultaneously misguided on some things, liberal/nationalist/reactionary in others, and perhaps holds some quality beliefs as well. People are multifaceted messes, all of us. But, at least while looking at the politic of this one work of hers, it is boldly pro-military, pro-nationalist via reformism and the maintenance of the hegemon of powerful nation, and, frankly, racist towards brown people. Arguably mangahood is orientalist in its treatment of Ishval (exotified and negative/"savage"/"primitive"), Xerxes (exotified and 'positive', excuses and exemplifies the protags and their heritage, "advanced"/"civilized"/tragic in contrast with Ishval which is seen as aggressive on par with Amestris), and to an extent Xing.

Tbh, my biases prevent me from shaking the thought that she hated that Sho Aikawa et al had Amestris be shone in the hideous light of its systematic cruelty. That she resented Scar being made to be the enemy of Amestris as an entity, and a direct enemy of its military. (Oh no, he's an enemy of all the "~good~" that militaries stand for! 😱😱😱/immense sarcasm)

Perhaps she always planned for her version of her character to be 'reformed' (I have to hold in my bile). Perhaps that plot beat only blossomed in her mind after witnessing Scar kill off 7000 soldiers in his final act, 1) because she thinks that's cruel to the soldiers (🙄🙄🙄), and 2) because waaaah Scar died 'evil' (🙄🙄🙄🙄). As Brotherhood carried forward in its plot, all I could see were direct inversions of 03. And Liore (as well as Scar) is a prime example. Look at how Brotherhood assures us that actually the Liorans are fiiiiiiiine, they all banded together to work as a team to rebuild, they just got all turned around and violent but it's no one's fault except the nebulous sins of humanity, haha whoops! They're super happy, their outlook bright and cheery! No more military aggression here, and all without the violence of resistance fighters! We don't even blame the guy who upended the theocratic rule of the city, no sirree. All is well! Rose even thanks Ed for showing them "the way". All of this is a direct rebuttal to the horrific violence of the military invasion shown in 03, of the mass slaughter, of the rape, of Ed being shown the part he played in this destruction. Edward surrounded by the crowded graveyard of murdered Liorans as Scar stands above him, having been right all along about the role people working in the military will play, is one of 03's clear-eyed condemnations of the sabotage and subterfuge powerful states use against their targets. Rose doesn't thank Ed for what he did, for what happened to Liore, and the mass suffering caused on behalf of the state, for which his meddling accomplished.

It couldn't be more clear that Arakawa was not ok with any of this. I could chalk it up to "she simply wanted to set her manga apart from the first anime" which I know to be the case more broadly, given her statements on the matter. But it's the way she ignores Liore in her version of the story, the way everyone is oddly... fine. The way Rose assures Winry that they've improved as a people as a result. And the way Scar is just routinely tarred and flogged until he bends to the military while decrying his own actions as "terrorism" (I won't dive into the numerous meanings of such a loaded term for now). It's all of that that makes me see her work as a more active, intentional political statement rather than an accidental, incidental one.

As I stated before though, neither of us can be certain on what she believes within herself, let alone what she would claim. (People have a tendency to feel one way but their actions and reactions may claim otherwise. You can say you're against imperial violence while making millions of excuses for imperial nations.) It's still worth dissecting what can be seen, directly stated, and interpreted from mangahood itself, sans the author. Because regardless, the works themselves do have a voice. And that voice is often heard without the context of 03. Because I'm sorry, but mangahood would not be so stringent on its reformism without 03's more stark, relatively realistic take on militarism and imperialism.

Yet mangahood purists would have us believe that it exists not in conversation or rebuttal to 03 but instead in a vacuum. Pure. At best some fans see mangahood as a 'correction' of the 'mistake' of the 2003 adaptation, simply because the source material is king even when that source material doesn't fully predate the 03 anime. And that's fucking ridiculous and warps the chronology of fma's history as a franchise all for the convenience of ignoring mangahood's glaring contrivances and issues.

[futurefarmersamerica]

what a weird & fucked up thing to include in the bio of your feedism blog

[webicon]

When I come over to tumblr to vent I sometimes see SCP 035 fanart on my dashboard and reblog it as I'm crying in front of my monitor, my motto is: Depressive episodes are temporary, SCP 035 is forever

[cathalbravecog]

QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK