#sorry guys i will probably delete this im just venting

[ldpdluvr]

i wish i could be chill about media that i like but sadly, they will always take over my brain to an unhealthy extent (at least imo) i just hate that fandom bs actually bothers me this much, i sometimes wish i could stay somewhere between being a casual-ish fan and the level of interest i have now, like ofc ppl are gonna be shit no matter what but i realllly wish it didn't affect me at all like i wish i could see someone post something that completely mischaracterises my fave characters without being so pissed off about it or literally just any of the other drama happening in this fandom, i wish i could see it and not care about it

which ofc is hard bc most of the stuff that pisses me off and upsets me is how anti-black a lot of ppl in this fandom are like the outright racism and colourism that i see in this fandom is literally killing my interest a bit icl, i love louis, loustat and iwtv sm and i wanna stick around but seeing this stuff just puts a damper on my mood and interest

idk i probably won't go anywhere bc like i said i get obsessed with my interests to an unhealthy degree so i won't be able to reduce how fixated i am on this show and i was in my last fandom for like 5 years?!? (and i'm still there kinda) so i feel like with iwtv i will be here for a long time fr

anyways ​this whole thing is really disappointing and upsetting, i was really so happy to find a vampire show that had a gay black male lead and it didn't shy away from commenting on the racism and anti-blackness the character experienced from other characters, only to get to the fandom and see that there's ppl doing that and worse, it makes me feel like they truly watched the show with their eyes (and ears) closed

[cherry-bomb-ships]

[tangledinink]

Hello. I just wanted to say, even if you don’t get enough likes or reposts on any of your comics, you should still be posting them for those people who enjoy them and DO want to read them whenever they can.

Hey bro, I understand what you're saying, and I think maybe your point is supposed to be, like, that I shouldn't worry about notes and stuff? But this is one of quite a few anons/messages of this ilk I've received lately, so here's the thing.

I've literally posted about seventeen different comics on tumblr for you guys over the past three weeks. In addition to multiple illustrated pieces, three fic updates, and two oneshots (that's over 36k words my guy!) in that same timeframe. Quite frankly, that's a lot of content.

I'm really, really glad you guys are enjoying the things I'm making! But please let me publish things at my own pace. When I say that I usually wait for the previous part of a comic to hit a certain number of notes before I publish the next, I mean, like I previously stated, that I'm using it as a way to time things/space things out and give each part a chance to breathe and do the rounds before adding more-- not that me continuing the project is dependant on the amount of attention I receive. But even if it was... it's my right to operate that way if I want to!

And. Like. Yeah, okay, I guess I'll go ahead and delete that other ask about the SepAU thing? 'Cause it's really just resulted in me being informed by people, anonymous or otherwise, that I'm totally screwed, they'll be voting against me, etc etc. and I'm? Not having that fun of a time?,,, Actually?,,, I'm already aware that I will likely lose and that's okay, it's just a game. I'm not going to stop making content because of it, so please don't worry about that. But all these anons and such are really not,,, helping. Nor encouraging me to publish anything else.

So I'd really, really appreciate you guys' patience. I'm not gonna answer any more asks like this. Thank you.

[ghostorbz]

I'm so fucking sick of people I'm around having everything I ever could've wanted and then having the nerve to cry about how they have nothing. Your parents love you. You have enough money to spend on toys and games and food. You have tons of friends who care about you and hang out with you. You don't spend every waking moment of your life alone. You have everything I've ever wanted and more.

You fucking know I have none of that. Why do you continue to rub it in my face.

[arsenicflame]

'im doing great!!!' <- had to read through old messages from their [????] to remind themselves that was a legitimate thing that happened and not just a delusion

[flyingspicerack]

I wish i was brave abt anything ever

[the-kneesbees]

my dad gave me a whole speech about parenthood and he thinks I'm crying because I was inspired or some shit but I'm actually crying because he told me I'll "always be his baby girl" and that he'll always be there when I need him or whatever and I know that's bullshit

[arsen1cs4ng0]

tbh i kinda hate how vosim's overtaken a lot of my life + identity and shit, and it hurts for me to say this

[ardienothesieno]

quietly raging while sitting on a crumbling leather couch. feeling sick. listening to hawaii part ii.

huge vent under cut

i just want to draw, man. i want you to leave me alone like i keep asking, i want privacy i want autonomy i dont want you looking over my shoulder policing my every move i can afford to fail a bit i just. i just want to be my own person to have hobbies to be able to talk to my friends to not be scared every time you walk by because you'll yell at me, force me into boxes and try to make my brain work in ways it doesnt know how to yet. you say you dont care about me being perfect but that you know *I* care so you care because I care but I keep trying to tell you I DONT care anymore. yeah being a perfect little person is *great* and everything but damn it theres too much shit that comes with it and im sick and tired of that shit and i keep trying to tell you that but you wont listen and every time I finally think you hear me that youre listening to what *I* want but then you do this again and you wonder why I dont trust you!! my god im not a kid anymore stop treating me like im about to shatter into a thousand pieces have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, I know myself better then you do now? that ive taken what ive learned from hiding myself in a mental box all my life and maybe, just maybe, hide in that box around you??? and every time. every time I think maybe I can come out of the box so I test the waters i peek my face out to see if it's safe but it never is and I have to go back. maybe I dont tell you everything anymore because why should I. you dont trust me so why should I trust you. maybe there's a reason I spend so much time hiding on the internet. maybe the people on here know me better then anyone out there has ever known me. what if I actually feel safe here what if it's the only place I feel like I can say the shit I want to because maybe people here care more then all of you out there, that maybe here people dont question me and try to fix everything for me and if I can't deal with a person well god damn it that's the whole reason there's a block button. I can't block people in real life. in real life there's maybe two people I would ever talk about this shit with and one if them i dont know well enough to feel comfortable with dumping this shit on them and the other has enough of their own crap going on i cant do that to her. but I feel like the people here are really actually my friends i feel like I can trust them i would kill for them theyre my FRIENDS. you seem to think that not knowing names or faces or every detail of someone's life invalidates any possibility of "friendship" but they understand me better then you do. better then anyone irl does. and yet you think that theyre not safe that im not safe because i call them friends THEYRE MY FUCKING FRIENDS. I feel safe here I don't feel safe out there with you trying to make me into something I'm not. here no one cares!! they either like me or don't like me or hate me but they don't EXPECT anything of me unless i tell them they can. unlike you. you expect something I can't both do and stay sane at the same time because "oh you've done it before you can do it now" THINGS HAVE CHANGED. I HAVE CHANGED.

stop fucking trying to make me into a perfect little human being. im not. im not perfect damn it LET ME BE AN IMPERFECT PERSON.

[oppositeslut]

my family acts like it's so fucking hard to not spend your money on mcdonald's or starbucks but noooo mcdonalds was "cheap and fast" and with starbucks "we needed some strong caffeine for the trip" like???????? it's not that fucking hard to not spend your money!! To boycott these businesses!!!! It's not fucking hard!!!! and they always do it when I'm not around like it doesn't change the fact that you did it!!!!! You are giving your money to companies who are willing helping to murder thousands of people who just want to live ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD

[thedogeveryonehates]

I just had my first ever adult-y 'im sorry but we can't be friends anymore' conversation and it really sucked and it really hurt and I'm writing it down here bcus i feel awful🫠

Long story

So we met on the dating apps years ago and we've kept in contact ever since cause he's genuinely a sweet & cool guy. Also, he was hard of hearing and would teach me cool indo sign language stuff

He lives in another city and only visits occasionally for work reasons but whenever he stopped by we would hang out

Back then it would be hanging out and hooking up but ever since i met my bf he wanted to make it clear that the latter was off the table since he wasnt comfortable with it

The next time we met I had to explain to him that I was no longer in the market for a partner, but I really valued his friendship - trying my best to show that I didn't wanna lead him on if that was the case

Even though he said he understood, it really didn't seem that way over the next few months

We would be having normal conversations and catching up on whatsapp and he'd randomly say "so you don't have feelings for me?" or "what did i do wrong?" - and it really made it awkward like we were literally discussing our spotify albums 2 minutes ago what happened

The worst part is, he would ask these questions very genuinely and sometimes follow up on these questions. So then I would match the tone as best i can - only to get the response "haha yeah i was joking i already know haha". Whenever it happened i would laugh it off and look stupid

But the final straw happened a few hours ago. He was feeling flirty but i was tired so i said to try and find a casual hookup on the dating app. He's genuinely really handsome and he's always been popular on the apps so i said it shouldn't be hard for him and that he'd find someone within the hour

He then straight up LIES to me and says that he deleted the apps a few weeks ago, following that up by writing "you are more than enough"

Afraid that he thought i was leading him on or sending him signals, i tried to shoot that down as fast as possible. Basically going through the motions of rejecting someones advances as respectfully as i possibly could to a good friend i cared about

After a few grueling minutes of silence, he hits me with the "damn i wasnt being serious" and sends me a screenshot of the app still on his phone (full of unread notifications - remember: popular)

Fast forward an hour later and ive blocked him everywhere except instagram dms, where i told him that i needed some space

Yes he apologized profusely and yes i accepted his apology but i just got so stressed and humiliated that I couldn't take it anymore

I still feel awful

This is usually something i would vent to my boyfriend but he's asleep rn so ill just let my [tumblr] mutuals know and probably delete it when i wake up

Writing kinda makes me feel better it turns out

[drysaladandketchup]

hi! sorry you can absolutely delete this if u don’t feel like answering or anything cause this is kind of vent-y (?) and isn’t like… actually a question but i am SO annoyed at some hockey fans and how they decide to treat leon. i am german and i live in america and the way leon gets treated in fanfictions and hockey discourse gives me serious flashbacks on how i am treated here. ik leon speaks perfect english but i wish people remembered that that’s still his second!!! language!!! it’s not his native language!!! sometimes he will come across differently then he actually is!!! his words will get twisted and he will be misunderstood because it’s not his native language!!!! every time he’s described as pissy and arrogant and rude (in a genuinely rude way) a vulnerable german kid living in america dies… 😔😔😔 and then the mattdrai fanfictions (admittedly i have not read that many because im just a not a big fan of the pairing but it was one of the main ships that got me into the fandom) i just hate that he seems to be so villainized (?). i might be biased (i am) lol but i am soo sick of it rrrr sorry sorry this got way too long. you just spoke about it before so i felt like you might understand where i'm coming from. peace

Oh my dear anon, people continuing to personify Leon as arrogant, emotionless, and rude is becoming my villain origin story. I'm happy to vent alongside you. I have talked about this before, and it does still bother me when I see it. Because I'm biased too. I love this guy haha.

Just for context, I'm Canadian, born and raised, and as of yet haven't lived in another country where I've had to fluently speak a second language or adjust to a culture I was not raised with. So I am by no means someone who can speak on that experience. But I'm sorry you've faced that kind of judgment.

I've written my thoughts on this subject before, here and here, so I'll try not to rehash everything I've said in the past. But as you say anon, I do think Leon is woefully misunderstood. He himself has said he thinks he's misunderstood, and that he comes off as too direct at times, that it's, 'probably the German in me.' He speaks English perfectly well, very fluently, and he's been living in Canada so long it would be weirder if he wasn't culturally affected and adjusted in some way. But he's still very much German; socially, culturally, linguistically. You don't just lose one entirely just because you've been exposed to and entrenched in another.

Sometimes he says things that can come off differently in English than probably intended, or at least that are easily misinterpreted by a North American audience, but that's a far cry from being 'pissy', as he's been branded by fans and media alike (also as an aside even people speaking their first language get their words mixed up and twisted sometimes, so I think we should just cut everyone some more slack when speaking maybe?).

And look, admittedly I've called him bitchy at times in my tags, as a joke, because yeah like literally any other person on earth, sometimes he says or does something that is snarky or poking fun or off-brand humour. But that's not inherently bad, nor is it inherently German. That's just part of his personality, a singular behaviour in a singular moment. I don't genuinely think he's an angry or aggressive or mean person. I think he's literally just a human being with multitudes.

His occasional tone of voice or his sometimes blunt way of speaking or his sarcastic sense of humour--things that could at least in part be because of his being German but are also not at all exclusive to or ubiquitous among Germans--is why some people make him out to be this aggressive or mean-spirited person, but like... obviously that is not only not true if you pay even an ounce of attention to him beyond a few choice soundbites and clips, but it's also insulting in general. As you say, people assuming the worst of you simply because of differences in communication or expression is the farthest thing from okay. Insinuating that he's brutish or emotionless or rude because he's German is obviously bigoted. It's xenophobic. Not to mention, as you said, it just makes it that much harder for other Germans to approach this audience without fearing they'll be judged the same way.

Now, obviously I don't know the guy personally, I only know what of him is public, but he seems like the farthest thing from rude or standoffish or arrogant. He really isn't any different from any other player (skills not withstanding), but for some reason he doesn't seem to get the same leeway between his on-ice persona and his off-ice persona, or from one instance to the next. For some reason, he's held under this microscope and reduced to his 'worst' moments more than a lot of other players I've seen. He does anything without a smile on his face or makes even one joke or comment that's less than flattering (or falls flat due to language differences), he's immediately made out to be a bad guy.

And to touch on mattdrai, which I do love a lot--and it's okay if it's not something you're into anon, you don't have to justify what you do or don't like :)-- I've said before that I think Matthew and Leon aren't always written very true to life. And I totally agree with you that the issue I sometimes see with Leon's characterization is that he is written like he's arrogant and lacking in emotion (at least outwardly), sometimes even acting like some overly-aggressive bully, and that's just so far from the reality that we know. And yes, some writers, like some fans, actively point to the fact that he's German to explain that. As if that's just how all Germans are, by nature of being German. Which, as I said and as you know anon, is so many kinds of wrong and horrible.

Yes yes he does dumb things on the ice sometimes and he and Matthew (and others) have exchanged shoves and whacks and chirps over the years. But again, if folks watched literally anything with Leon outside of those moments, they'd know that those are incidents, not his whole personality. I'm not over here pretending like he's never done anything wrong or questionable or stupid, but who hasn't? He's not a villain for that. Just like he's not perfect. We're all human.

Oof sorry anon this response got away from me a bit lol. Sorry if this got a little off topic, but I am nothing if not someone who rants and rambles. This topic drives me nuts; I can only imagine how upsetting and frustrating it is for you, as a German living in America.

But my ask box is always open for venting <3

[hotchs-big-hands]

can i rant for bit cuz ugh why do all the men on dating apps suck?? i hate how some men really seem to fetishize plus size women. like when you're trying to talk with them and all they wanna talk about is sexual stuff from the get go 😡😤 like hello?!? im more than just my body?? ive never even met you dude. ive got a personality, interests, etc. like do these men think they're doing plus size women a favor by aggressively sexualizing them?

it honestly sucks so much. so in order to cope I've been fantasing about hotch 😏

like imagine dbf!hotch where he overhears you ranting about dating and the men on the apps and later tries to talk to you about it. he'd tell you that they're all boys and you need a man.after hearing how upset and objectified you feel he'd probably decide to actively pursue you. especially if you've had a will they-wont they thing going on.

i just really want him to seduce me and give me a reason to delete all my dating apps

❤️‍🔥

I'm so sorry this is so late but girlie I feel this so hard. I legit gave up on dating apps cuz it was just "let me see how big your tits are" "😜 wanna meet up and fuck?" Even if your profile says you're not looking for that, youre looking to date! I thought at one point I found someone who was chill and wanted to just go on a date but then 🧍 well, we won't get into that. All in all, ppl need to stop fucking fetishising fat ppl. It's dehumanising. Do we want to be desired sexually? Absolutely. But not just that tho. We want to be loved and accepted for who we are and how we look. I really hope that you do eventually find someone who doesn't just see you as a sex object, ❤️‍🔥 anon because you deserve it 💖💖

Dbf!Aaron Hotchner is sooooooooo🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 OOOOOGH

He is fucking PISSED knowing you're being treated like this on dating apps. He thinks it's fucking disgusting that people see you as nothing but a fetish. He fucking adores you. He thinks you're funny, sweet, beautiful, kind and well, of course he thinks you're fucking sexy too. But knowing you're trying to deal with all this shit makes him angry.

So he does whatever he can to show that he's, first of all, into you very much so. But also that hes not after you just for "having a good fuck with a thicc girl". The thought of people treating you as less than human, just sexual organs because of your curves makes him fucking sickened. Man starts to rly make an effort to show he is interested in you. He tries even harder to make you smile and laugh, treats you to stuff, is extremely attentive if you ever vent to him. And he can see it's working, you've got a pep in your step, and you always have that adorable shy smile on your face whenever he talks to you or looks at you. Big fan of fixing a stand of your hair.

One day something changes, you come to him upset and frustrated and you show him the dating app. You vent about it to him all about the disingenuous guys on there only seeing you as a thicc chick to fuck so they can tick it off their bucket list. And so he hugs you close, kissing the top of your head and says he can't stand to see you so upset anymore. But he has something to say that could help.

You pull away, confused. And he's looking at you with so much tenderness your heart tightens. He smiles, brushing a stray tear from your cheek.

"Sweetheart, those stupid boys don't know what they're doing. They don't know how to treat a woman, how to make her feel loved and cared for and seen as more than just their body type. I... I want to know if you'll have me. Accept me to show you how you deserve to be treated."

You can barely string words together, it's cute. But he sees more tears again and he panics, thinking he's gone too far.

"I'm sorry, this was not appropriate. I-"

"Yes.. I- yes, I want you." You interrupt him. It makes him pause, staring at you for a moment as he studies your expression. You glance away, feeling shy again. "I only started using dating apps because I didn't think I'd ever get to be with you, Aaron..."

Oh, oh sweetheart. His heart is soaring and he pulls you close for a tight hug, swaying you gently.

"Sweetheart, you have me. I'm yours."

Needless to say you freed up a lotttttt of space on your phone getting rid of all the dating apps 🥰 plenty of storage for the incoming pics you and Aaron will take together from this point forward.

[secertlymarkirl]

Just gotta say some things rn

      1. The Alex kister drama situation:

im just here to talk about the Alex drama that is happening rn I keep seeing people attacking Alex without knowing who is the real victim... You can't just blow up the target before knowing the truth behind... As you can tell Ven said in the doc that they are "a spy who came to destroy alex life" and that's a bit suspicious of someone to say that in the doc so you mean like you just came here to destroy alex career and life is that what you want?... If that so then you are a fucking monster Ven just gotta say it you're a horrible person who destroy people life and if you are one of their friends you should be ashamed of what they did

     2. The drama:

I have seen some people doing the fucking "grommer nae nae" trend with Alex and it's not funny and another thing saying "Alex in my new jail!" And putting him in a jail with a problematic people is not fucking funny ok you seriously not funny another thing when that goofy Russian person who just made a horrible Photoshop of Alex wearing a shit thing and saying "b-but I still call him a fembo-" your not cool for that do you like me calling you a brat when you don't want that mf stop being selfish 💀 

     3. exposed/doxxed:

buddy buddy do you really think that's a really good idea to do?... I don't fucking think it's cool to do that shit buddy exposing/ doxxing has family and dead grandpa or something is cool? You think it will make it not worse? No you litterly made it even worse then before he litterly got ghosted by DB and they we're a bad partner for him honestly what a horrible people....

     4. why Alex didn't mentions the other victims:

Bc they weren't that important DB and Ven are the most important people bc they are the reason that ruined Alex life and he had to mention some things about it and how they really didn't feel uncomfortable...like bro if you we're uncomfortable you can just say it and Alex will probably just fucking stop it don't you have mind you litterly said "no I'm fine with it I'm not uncomfortable!" DB said that to Alex and Ven when he self-haram you didn't actually care we know that

     5. Alex being racist but he's not:

Buddy please what the frick man? You litterly faked Alex being racist just for your goofy friend and do you think SORRY WILL litterly fix everything? No no no YOU RUIN IT EVEN MORE AND MAKE IT WORSE DUMMY Alex never said racist things to Andrew and you litterly saying I'm the doc "I don't have proof" but guess what some people actually believe that shit like what THERE WAS LITTERLY NO PROOF???? 

     6. why the doc is fake:

ok here is why the doc is fake just honestly Ven had just faked some images and times and hopefully there were some people who find out about it don't think your not in w big trouble Ven you in a worse trouble rn your just a coward Ven and you you know that

    7. More drama:

"quite saying Alex is innocent!" "Alex is not fully innocen-" ok buddy we know Alex is not fully innocent but what the hell you want else "you can't forgive him ye-" buddy please stop this is not about you some people can forgive him and some people not but now he turned out to be innocent and guilty and he's now the real victim here he have been doxxed/ghosted/exposed/people send him death threats/all the actors left him just for what? For a fucking relationship drama like what else you want you want him to go to Ven house and beg for apologize what's wrong with you... "I will support Alex victims until I di-" who cares if you die it's not like the victims will care if you support them bc they just want attention

     8. Problematic/grommer:

do you guys remember when Ven said that Alex is a grommer and a pedophile? Well he's not actually vent has deleted the post they made on tumble like it was nothing and then apologize for calling Alex a grommer and saying "we never mean Alex being grommer or pedophile" then why you said in the doc that he is pedo and manipulate then it turns out he's not? Crazy Ven you know people have fall for that shit weirdo

- I just  want this drama to end already and idc if you attack me it's not like I'm the only person who is on Alex side mf I ain't scared of no shit let us have the fun we always do I feel like this year destroy everything I hole everything get back to normal again

[huebris808]

trying to break out of my shell and post madcom hc shit aka Look At My One Of Many Weirdass Hank Ramblings, Boy

hank you know them. they're six-foot-something and wanted to try volleyball. they dont get sarcasm and refer to stuff as "thingys". they're the autistic power fantasy of throwing bricks at those who view you as subhuman. their bedroom's apparently just a mirror to practice cool poses with and a blanket and their favorite drink is eggs now according to the streams. and they are your new nonbinary president

im constantly fluctuating between Animation & MPN Are Two Different Timelines/Universes or They're The Same, But He’s Testing Which "Hank" Is More Favorable/Useful To Others

wasian hank truther baby. (jp+filipino-american)

this guy would probably use わたし/私 (ive seen a lot of artists use オレ/俺 for him though but i feel like its a bit?? much)

definitely had to pick up sign-language after [Vague Gesturing] All That

has autism in the way that they have No Clue they got it. like "damn i got [Specific Autistic Issues]. sucks that im so so normal and yet i must endure The Problems everyday"

speaking of autism, enjoys confined spaces sensory-wise. vents and boxes and shit like Come On Man. Do You See The Vision.

gonna be honest like half of the shit (Understatement) i got for hank is projection but what's madcom without that in some aspect!! that's the POINT man!!! [ON KNEES WAILING] that's the POINT

working in real estate and as a mercenary since The Incident made their self-worth go to SHIT; in a world that dehumanizes you, you are quick to dehumanize yourself. this is where the power of lesbian friendship comes in

subconsciously puts doc on a pedestal over time, leading to (See Bullet 1); this dissipates after they somehow reach a conversation of Bitch We Are Both Equals And Fighting For Our Fucking Lives Out Here THEY SOLVE SHIT TOGETHER MAN!!! THEY SOLVE IT

sorry. sorry. im trying to delete it

out of nowhere maybe its the Autistic Projection maybe its cause im allergic to Sadstuck Shit i dont dig negative stuff with 2bhank it just feels Wrong :-( i wish i could word this better but like. i need these little chesspiece fucks to learn to communicate

what i will refer to as the Newspaper Era (aka the time before we got doc characterization from arena mode) caused people to make some weirdass depictions of their relationship and im glad its phasing out. The Horrors

main 4 are all butch lesbians btw. not sorry about that one

also POLYCOMBAT TRUTHER this dude would HATE how vulnerable these three would make them feel at first. they're the first to actually treat him like A Guy and that fuck him up a bit initially

i think eventually they all reach a point where they're able to do stupid shit together like fireworks or breaking chairs over each other heads. you've seen how doc is don't exclude him from doing dumbass shit

"erm… actually they wouldnt be friends or have fun or date theyre ruthless criminals and madcom is cruel :/" L + ratio + the rule of The Funniest Thing Is The Answer in madcom prevails + That's The Devil Talking, Boy

shit at technology. if they had a blog their lack of skills would loop back around to make them the most powerful shitposter on earth

there's definitely more that im missing here and takes that Don't Suck (for example people need to put out more hankford content. Cmon Man) but my brain has this shit Queued Up in a way so. Yeah

[tojisun]

hihi, im a mootie (i think i am???? idk even what that word truly means but we talk!) and im too worried to message u this normally, so im sending it anonymously. this way, u dont have to feel obligated to respond at all. and if ud rather i not be personal/emotional/vent like this, lmk and ill stop!!

but i hate it here so much. i matched w this dude on hinge, and he asked me if one of my friends in a group photo i had was single. and like dude i initiated it too, like i liked his profile first, so im never doing that again. i always felt like the uglier friend in the group, so honestly this experience just confirmed that. this worsened my already crappy self-perception and -esteem.

but whatever! i have to force myself to realize that i have low chances of ever experiencing someone attracted to me and in love w me

ok bye i'm so sorry !!!

hi my love!! im so sorry for just seeing this now :((

nono, im open and super ok talking to u guys like this! im glad and thankful that u trust me w this, its just that im.. not as equipped to talk about this without rambling bc this is smthn i carry around too

im the fat friend. ive always been the fat friend. if its not my weight, just the fact that one of my exes even used me as a rebound bc he cant get w my friend just sucks yk?

and it took soooo much effort to learn to love myself—im not even done learning it tbh. i still dont have the self-esteem to feel like im treated right. but along the way, i just gave up thinking about how others perceive me as long as im doing things for myself

i wore clothes i enjoy, decided to try different makeup styles, cut my hair as short as i want even if my mom said itd make my face look bigger bc i always wanted short hair. and somehow just doing things for myself made me feel pretty. and i carried this elation, letting it triumph over ppl’s perception

but thats also bc im not looking for relationship. it was a different battle when i was. i felt like i was always coming short of the beauty standard, and some men in datings apps would really make you compete with ur friends

this thing that u experienced? happened to me too—me and my friend even matched w him at the same time by accident. when my friend wont reply to him asap, he came to me and asked abt her. i unmatched right away and even deleted my profile LMAO

but uhm. ig what i want to just say to u (like what i told myself) is: dont let HIM make you feel that you’re ugly, or even the uglier friend. he just sucks, i promise you this.

there are probably other men im sure who are swiping for u. but dont let their attention dictate how u feel about urself too bc everything, i think, should come from urself. as long as YOU feel right in your own skin, with your own clothes, then yea you are beautiful

im so sorry u felt this way and i hope no one ever feels this way bc god we are all beautiful. not for any other reasons, just that we are