#validation would be nice about this
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I would find Blondie Lockes very annoying in real life, but I love her in fiction. She's a genuinely good journalist in terms of both skill and ethical integrity, who only occasionally forgets to check the facts because she's fifteen and holds herself accountable when she does. She has incredibly high standards for everything and believes herself to be the ultimate authority on quality. She has magical lockpicking powers because her fairytale is about Goldilocks breaking into a house. She somehow completely ignores the story's moral that Goldilocks was wrong to break into the house, feels entitled to go wherever and help herself to whatever she's able to and cannot comprehend why people dislike this. She's been terrorizing an anthropomorphic bear family with her cheerful disrespect for privacy and is convinced that they love her. She has a non-anthropomorphic pet baby bear. Her motivation is dependence on external approval rooted in deeply internalized classism. She's desperate to be useful and important to those with higher social status and feels the need to lie that her family is technically royalty to fit in with her royal friends, even though they treat commoners like equals all the time. She positions herself as a conduit of true greatness; closer to it than the masses, but never the hero, always reporting on other people and evaluating what they've done. Because what she's done isn't enough to be worthwhile. What she is isn't enough. But this performative lifestyle makes her anxious about being judged as a fraud and an interloper, and ashamed of selfishly transgressing against social norms. Her microphone head looks like an adorable little bear head. That's one hex of a character alright.
#most of the time she's so fun and silly and happy#but every now and then she's like 'yeah i'm totally a princess! basically! don't question it!'#or 'cupid is it wrong that i want to be richer? aren't i pretty much a terrorist if i don't accept the life i'm born into?'#or 'i don't know what to do now that no big events are happening. what is my life without other people making it interesting?'#and then the plot moves on/inspires her to feel better but not stop lying/gives her a big event to get involved in#and i'm like 'GIRL. CAN WE UNPACK THAT?''#i do think shipping her with cupid is poetic as well as just nice and cute#cupid is all about love. if anyone could get it through blondie's head that she unconditionally deserves love attention and validation#no matter what background she's from or how interesting or trendy or 'just right' she or her content is#it would be her#blondie lockes#ever after high#eah
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Like what's funny is that none of the people criticizing the categorization of Stardew/AC/other “cozy” games are saying that those games are Evil and Bad and you should Stop Playing Them, in fact many of the people commenting on it do actually Like those games, they're just critiquing how the entire concept that makes these games work is that they hinge on the ideology of imperialist and colonist “cottagecore”-type ideals in order to maintain that “coziness” or “wholesomeness.” Which is an entirely valid criticism to make, and is just a true statement to make about the marketing of those games.
It isn't even discourse. They're not saying to boycott the games or anything. It's saying "You can play these games and that doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't even make the creator a bad person, but you should examine the biases you have that cause you to think this way, and consider that this type of marketing IS insidious to those of us who are directly affected by the very same 'marketing' (propaganda) that lead to the colonization of our homes."
But over and over again people will read posts about this, sometimes posts in which "no I'm not 'canceling' the game & I'm not saying you're a bad person & I'm not just discoursing; I am just pointing out a Fact because I want people to actually Think about it" is stated EXPLICITLY, and I will still see people responding or vaguing about it like "oh people are trying to cancel Stardew Valley & Animal Crossing now!" or "Are you saying I'm a bad person for playing those games? Are those games bad now???" like the point just completely going over their head despite it being right in front of them. And it's like please read posts entirely before commenting, and stop projecting your personal worldviews and thought processes and values onto other people.
Also remember that people on this website exist who do not live in North America or Europe, because we are actually not the center of the world and the only people on tumblr. People outside of the imperial core who are more directly affected by these things and are more likely to notice them BECAUSE of their own life experiences are active on tumblr and make posts you see every day, and they do not have the exact same worldview that you do. So you just really need to stop assuming things and putting words in people's mouths, and just take what they say in better faith without leaping to extremes and lecturing them.
#txt#I literally LIKE Stardew Valley but these are just facts & valid criticisms to make.#Liking media doesn't make you evil incarnate. People are just saying like hey it would be nice if people thought about this more.
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Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!
I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.
#fe three houses#ferdinand von aegir#discord emotes#i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but#i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share#since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself#the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but#some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts#so those im gonna skip on lol#whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em#i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones#if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use#i used concernednand (the upper one) so much#the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time#debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love#fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist#someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet#and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art#and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet#and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote#and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server#some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me#cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog#and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog#so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here#so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao#anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server#i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away
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i am begging one single person in this entire show to consider, for perhaps one single second, THE POSSIBILITY THAT THERE IS A REASON HOUSE HATES HIS DAD THIS MUCH
#everyone is so dreadfully shocked and confused by him not wanting to go to his own father's funeral#but not no one makes any real effort to find out why#and that's not to say house would actually talk about it#(though tbh he might if someone asked in a genuinely nonjudgmental way. and he does tell wilson a couple of things.)#but either way it just feels like everyone is assuming#that house is just being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole#and it has occurred to no one that house's late father could possibly be at fault for his son not wanting to attend his funeral#i just. it would be nice if someone would consider the notion#that a person not wanting to be at their parent's funeral might have a valid reason for that#(like abuse. or something)#anyway this was a good episode#i'm always up for for daddy issues and hilson road trips#(i am considerably less up for forcing abuse survivors to honor their dead abusers)#house md#house season 5#house 5x4#op#john house
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I like how Jessica Preddy says Rose is not in love or infatuated with Alan, but it’s her third job, her life calling. the unstoppable President of the Alan Wake fan club, genuinely Alan’s strongest soldier. (Source: Remedy YouTube)
#alan wake 2#rose marigold#rose… ily…#ALSO I like Preddy talking about Rose mirroring characters from TV#she’s not being disingenuous but it’s how she understands humans are#but it’s also how she becomes so invested in alan wake and his writing#that’s just How things are and with fiction affecting reality it all becomes blurred#I do feel validated that it’s outright said that she isn’t in love with alan. which is already what i got from the games but nice to hear#esp with that page in aw1 about her wanting to be friends with Alan and Alice#it’s a fantasy and she’s not trying to replace Alice (even if she’s SO focused on Alan that she tends to ignore others/be insensitive)#i think it’s a little easy to assume rose would be in love with alan because I Do think Cynthia was in love with Zane#so it’s a nice contrast
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Dear silm fandom, concerning Fandom meta. Might be provocative for some.
‘The silm fandom is misogynistic’ ‘Feanorian fans are misunderstanding the characters’ ‘Silm fans hate Elwing’ And so on.
Can we stop? Your opinions are not better if you like feanorians. Your opinions are not better if you like peredhil. This is not black and white. I won’t argue ‘not all silm fans’, because I recognise that we have problems. But condescension will not fix them. Thank you.
#Okay#I tried to keep this post as neutral and concise as I could#Because I’m having a lot of thoughts about it#and I’m going to get very opinionated in the tags.#I am sick of feeling hated by online strangers because they think I’m a misogynist#or they think I haven’t read the text#Or they think I’m not as clever#not as understanding as they are#Yes#I am fifteen.#Maybe you do understand the text more than me.#or maybe we both have valid opinions and you can stop telling me I belong in a category that isn’t mine.#I like celegorm#i accept that Celegorm has done vile things#i am still compelled by his character#I am not fucking reading him wrong#I am trying so hard to read him right#People will say ‘I am a feanorian stan but-‘ and proceed to insult all feanorian stans#Be nice#please stop acting all high and mighty#and I get it! It’s hard!#it’s hard to have opinions and be kind about them#Because not everyone’s opinions are the same#But for god’s sake you better think so hard about what you’re saying before you post it#because you sound like you are ignoring fandom discourse and the concept of ‘morally grey’ because of woke#And I know the very things I’m saying are exactly what I’m trying to stop#But I would like some counter-representation out there#I would like some honest conversation that doesn’t involve immediate side-taking#I also love arguing#i am also very hot-headed
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Hi!
I really loved mein perle and the hunger games au so much. The way you write Konig is so complex and skillfully done your writing is a work of art.
I just have a question the tribute from district 8 and what he did to the poor girl is there any real reason why he did it? Did he have a motif? Was it a reflection of what could have happened to Konig and reader if he held resentment towards her? Idk...
Thank you!!!
first of all tysm ily ily ily <3 bonkers to me that y’all actually enjoy my silly goofy stories. warms my lil heart yes it does yes it does 💞🩷💖💕💓💗💞💗🩷 AND y’all still snacking on meine perle????? wild. god i love this community so much.
so glad y’all like the different ways i paint konig. i know there’s a lot of different preferences out there so that fact y’all are connecting with my portrayal is - qhshzhqbab. playing with konig’s character is such a blast bc there’s so much you can do with him i love that about our mysterious hooded beefcake
as for the question about district 8 - his motivation and more will be revealed in The Aftermath - but i will say that i tried to craft a heavy theme of spite being a character’s downfall in this story, so my intention was to have it parallel to the whole “i will double down on my spite even if it kills me” mindset that we see from Reader, even right from the start. there is a bit more of ‘symbolism’ in regards to the reason he did do it that does happen to parallel to Konig & Reader, but i don’t want to spoil anything :)
thanks for asking <3 🥹🥹<3
⌜ KONIG X READER HUNGER GAMES AU ⌟
⌜ MEINE PERLE OCTOKONIG X READER ⌟
#CRAZY that y’all care so much you wanna learn more#this is such an honor#for being a writer is really difficult for me to put into words just how much y’all’s nice words mean to me#it does something to me fr#it’s so comforting know there are others like me out there bc i have a tendency to feel embarrassed about liking stuff like this??#which is so silly bc it’s a harmless hobby#but y’all actually encouraged me to send this story to ppl i know IRL which is something i would have NEVER done before#y’all are so validating#thanks for taking the time to send this lovely#i love y’all#<3 <3 💗💕💖💗💕#konig#könig#konig cod#könig cod#konig call of duty#könig call of duty#cod#call of duty#tgwcm#uhohask
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I think today’s encounter with Ron could be a hallucination but the only thing that makes me hesitate to agree is Ron’s info on the federation. Info that we as an audience know is probably accurate but that q!Bad would have no actual way of knowing. He can’t hallucinate new information. Also, said information was exactly what he didn’t want to hear. If he was hallucinating a fantasy world where he didn’t accidentally kill/eat Ron, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me for his brain to include made-up federation info that actively upsets him. If it was a scary, negative hallucination maybe - it wasn’t though. Buuuut you never know I suppose. Either way I’ll enjoy it.
#idk I see the point with ‘Ron was hitting Bad and bantering and he wouldn’t do that’ but. I’d argue maybe he would#q!Bad physically tortured Ron ONCE with the soul vulture and then flipped to being nice to him almost immediately afterward#and it’s been a while since that flip happened so it’s entirely possible that Bad and Ron have been growing closer for that entire time#its hard to understand Ron’s sudden fine-ness with Bad’s presence because we don’t really see a majority of their interactions on screen#but it’s implied that they’ve spent quite a bit of time together since Bad decided q!Ron was someone he cared about#so Ron’s had a lot of time for the Stockholm syndrome to worsen considerably#in the face of a captor who has become kind#idk I don’t think their current dynamic is thaaaat far fetched#qsmp#qsmp badboyhalo#qsmp ron#also Stockholm syndrome isn’t really an official syndrome it’s validity is shakey at BEST#just a fun fact
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I've been thinking about the Madney baby and it's making me feel a little soft.
Chimney and Maddie getting to have those pregnancy firsts that he missed due to his own fears surrounding the pandemic and her pregnancy, and then that Maddie missed by leaving.
For all they're at risk of retreading old paths and old fears with this story, there is also something new in it all.
Maddie's first trimester pregnancy cravings, the first trimester food aversion, the hormonal swings and wanting to sit up late watching TV because she aches and just wants a hug from her husband and her first baby on the couch.
I'm thinking about all the scans they get to go to together this time, not just look at on a TV after. I'm thinking about Chimney and Maddie setting up a nursery, and not just making a cot to go in their room or having to have the changing station in the middle of their living space.
I'm thinking about Chimney getting to stay with Maddie through it all, there's no distance, no webcams and video calls, there's nothing stopping Chimney from holding Maddie's hand while she's having those scans or while she's giving birth, skin to skin, whenever she needs it. He'll get to go to the hospital (after locking all accident prone brothers in a padded room), he won't have to put on a face mask, he'll get to kiss his baby and his wife and it'll be all firsts.
Then after, Maddie may be isolated because having a baby is always isolating even with the village rallying behind you, but there's nothing stopping her from going to 'baby and me' classes this time. Nothing to stop the walks to the park and sitting on a bench and saying "the second one is actually easier, I expected it to be more tiring" to another mom sitting there too. She could even talk about/take little baby Han to swimming lessons (not just for the trauma call back and possible healing), get to reassure another mom that 'a little bit of water won't hurt them'.
And Maddie will have people she can lean on and they can actually visit, she's not limited to a small bubble. Chimney, Anne, Buck, (the Wilson's) they all know what they're watching out for, they all know to try and put themselves forward for Maddie so she doesn't feel like she has to do this alone again.
Maddie and Chimney can be there together for every first word, every first step, every single beautiful first.
I'm so soft for this potential.
#911 spoilers#911 season 8#911 spec#madney#maddie buckley han#chimney han#my husband and i were talking about how nice it would be to see them do something fresh with this storyline#but still have the call backs to the what happened last time so it feels emotionally resonant#there's something to be said for “you get it right with your second one because you learned from your first”#and i'd love to see that growth in a way that doesn't shove it into separate scenes ie “chimney or maddie panics about things while working#i don't (personally) want potential baby health angst though or them hammering in geriatric pregnancy too much#because while a valid fear i feel it'll be a conflict too much and put me off#here's hoping#wallabywaffles#sorry if someones already said this#i haven't been in the tags yet and noone on my dash is talking about it >.<
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do you ship helena bertinelli with anyone? if yes, then which characters and why? what's your favorite helena ship? do you have any helena rarepairs? (i know you've talked about helena/steph and you're so right about it, it's a very interesting ship)
!!!! i have so many ships for my best girl ever yes oh my god thank you for asking.
my top pairing is probably Vic Sage/the Question. Vic is the basic answer, but man. i love them so much. no couple has matched each other's freak like that have. Justice League Unlimited is a great adaptation of Helena in general, but it also did a great adaptation of Helena and Vic's relationship. how he just dedicates himself to helping her with no expected return, but also wants to make sure she doesn't go too far in a hunt for vengeance that never ends for her. i think a lot of characters often want to change Helena or expect things out of her for their own needs, like the Batfam and the BoP. but Vic is one of the few people who just wants her to be better for her own good. when he tries to stop her from killing it's not because of his morals, it's because he doesn't want this crusade to consume her. and i just. man i think about them a lot. Helena rlly likes weird little men who give themselves wholly to her.
Zinda Blake/Lady Blackhawk is also a top ship for me. tbh i just like Zinda. but i do love how Helena and Zinda interact, being the more rough and tumble members of the BoP. they're both outsiders, in different ways. Helena is an outsider of the Batfam and Zinda is literally from a different time and an outsider to the current world. their friendship is so genuine and i think if Babs and Dinah can have. whatever homoerotic nonsense going on during BoP, then Zinda and Helena deserve some homoerotic nonsense too. as a treat.
if we're willing to count New-52 Helena, then i enjoy Helena/Dick/Tiger. i think Helena and Dick being a past relationship is really important in pre-Flashpoint for Helena's development, though i don't ship them as a serious couple beyond a fling. but in the New-52, i think this throuple be fun. Helena and Tiger respect each other as two very driven, no-nonsense agents and then well. they both clearly have some kind of thing for Dick. so it's fun finding the balance of how they could all work together romantically.
and ofc. it's a crime to mention Helena ships and not mention Renee Montoya/the Question. every time they interact it's really fucking gay. it's so gay that Kate Kane, Renee's own ex, assumed Helena and Renee were gay. i cannot be convinced against this ship. i genuinely think this ship should be canon. i mean. DC did tease us with this moment from an alternate universe and it's lived rent for me since. fucking criminal for us to only get one panel of what we could have if DC let Helena be a fruit in the main universe. being in love with Helena Bertinelli should be a right of passage for the Question mantle, i personally believe. if you asked me like. genuinely who i want to see Helena date in the current comics, Renee is my top pick. (i would say Vic but he's fucking dead and the New-52 butchered him so rip my mans-)
lois lane (2019) #10
besides those ships, just about every ship for Helena probably falls into the category of rarepair. like you said i've talked about my love for Helena/Steph before bc god. i think it should be a thing more people ship. once i finish the fic i'm writing about them i will convince others to like it.
i also think Helena/Cass could be fun. in a *lot* of ways Helena and Cass are narrative parallels to each other. Helena was a victim of her family being murdered at about the same age Cass was forced to be a murderer. Helena grows up to believe in lethal justice because of this, and Cass grows up to be staunchly against it. Cass' Batgirl suit was made *by* Helena. they both want to be protectors of the most vulnerable people. they balance each other out in a lot of ways and i think they should kiss about it.
also probably a rarepair, i think Helena/Lady Shiva is fun. their fight during Birds of Prey (2010) had... questionable moments for Helena's characterization, but i do love so much that Helena knocks Shiva off her feet and gains a deep respect from Shiva. like. Shiva gives her a nickname and shows her admiration. i would like to see fanfic where Shiva continues to be weirdly admirable of Helena and bothering her non-stop. they could be a fun fucked up toxic yuri moment. this is just. so gay to me.
birds of prey (2010) #6
my most rare Helena pair would probably be Helena Wayne, actually. but specifically Helena Wayne of JSA (2022). ever since, for some reason, it was made canon that the current Helena Wayne was named after Helena Bertinelli and took the name Huntress to honor her i *cannot* stop thinking about them meeting. because in-universe it makes *no* fucking sense for Bruce to name his kid after *Helena Bertinelli*, someone he's regularly at odds with and doesn't like. it's clearly an awkward explanation to try to make the whole two Huntress situation make sense. (it's almost as bad as Helena Wayne in the New-52 using Helena Bertinelli as an alias.) but because it's such an odd choice, i do think it could be fun for Helena Wayne, when she's back in time to see Bruce, to find Helena Bertinelli to get to know the woman she was named after and Helena Bertinelli just being. baffled by the idea of *Batman* naming his kid after her. it could be a fun fucked up moment.
my other super rarepair is Kara Zor-L/Power Girl. they had like. one meaningful interaction of JSA Classified and it's been PLAGUING me. something about when Power Girl doesn't remember her past and she's seeking a friend, she instinctively goes to find Huntress? but it's wrong bc this isn't *her* Huntress and neither of them understand why Power Girl would seek Helena out? god it's so good. i'm always a big fan of ships where one person in the ship is *so* obviously using the other person as a replacement for someone they lost and they both know it. it's such a doomed angsty thing where you could play with Helena actually really liking Kara, but knowing that she's just a replacement for Kara's Helena Wayne. good fucked up shit man.
and lastly: i really ship her with Dawn Granger/Dove. there's no canon basis for this, they didn't have a ton of interactions even when they were both on the BoP. but there's a very kind innocence to Dawn that contrasts Helena's violence really well. and i do love a ship with a corruption kink vibe to it. let Helena corrupt Dawn. i could write such fucked up porn about these two.
#necrotic answerings#helena bertinelli#idk the ship names for most of these ships so idk how to tag them#most of them are too rare to have ship names. tragic.#anyway i ship her with so many ppl#i do ship her with tim as well but i didn't mention him just bc i default to viewing them platonically.#also think babs is a valid ship for her. but in a hatefucking way.#i prefer their relationship when they can't stand each other it's more fun.#but yeah the realistic “i want to see this in canon” options are vic and renee#and then the rest are “i'm alone in this ship but i see potential” rarepairs#esp lady shiva. like i'm *really* tempted to write that fic.#i just need to read more comics with shiva.#actually the most fucked up option: cass/helena/shiva incestual threesome.#that has potential. but i don't think anyone shares my vision#also i've seen posts arguing for helena/jason#and while. longterm i disagree. i do think them sleeping together is on the table.#but largely ppl always bringing him up when talking about her sours me to that ship. so eh.#also i would ship helena/bruce in a fucked up way if that one batman: the brave & the bold episode didn't piss me off so bad#justice league unlimited is the *only* good adaptation of helena i'm so serious.#everything else eats ass with her. esp the arrowverse.#and the birds of prey movie.#but jlu does good by her and if you just watch that show you do have a solid grasp of her character#it adapts her story into a child-friendly medium in what i think is the best way it could've#anywhore thank you for this ask <3#you actually sent this when something rlly shitty happened so it was a nice little distraction from life to think about my answer#OH WAIT YOU KNOW WHO I FORGOT.#kate spencer. manhunter. I ship her with helena too.#lethal female vigilantes unite.#BRO those two deserve a teamup mini or something. they'd click so well.#dc hire me to write a huntress/manhunter mini series i promise i won't make them gay (my fingers are crossed)
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vent in tags
#so i posted earlier saying i wish i could ask people what makes me so dislikable#and i was referring to a situation which happened to me in the past#and how i wish i could say to these people like what about me is so dislikable that you had to react the way you did#(i would like to clarify i was not in the wrong in this situation i have asked multiple people#and they agree i wasnt in the wrong so im not just saying it)#and an anon decides to send me an ask saying#ngl its the desperation for validation but i think youre cool#and it made me so upset because its such a fucking back handed compliment#because like i am aware of the fact im a people pleaser and i want to be liked by people#like i know its a huge flaw and i am trying to do better and not worry about what other people think about me#but its not something that is going to happen overnight#and so to point that out when im already aware of it and then follow it up with a backhanded compliment#is honestly really hurtful and just kinda really upset me#also saying that i'm desperate for validation like is just so#idk it just was so unnecessary for them to say that and phrase it that way#anyway im sure no one is gonna read this and if they do it probably makes no sense or it just sounds like#im being a whiny bitch and probably more anons are gonna come call me attention seeking or#say im looking for validation#but i just wanted to rant about it bc like there's ways to say things nicely to people and that was not one of them#esp when its a flaw im already aware of and would like to work on more#but again its not gonna disappear overnight!#butter’s thoughts
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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Slotting The Long Winter alongside North and South as a book about life in the nineteeth century that counts as a sci fi because it explores how technology affects the lives of the people whose society depends on it, and explores what kind of duty a man has to care for his own business vs. that of the community.
#preliminary thought is that north and south is kinder to the poor and more community-minded#because there's a lot of stuff in the long winter about how you need to care for yourself and not rely on others#or the scenes where the guy's like 'why should i have to give up my seed for folks who were too dumb to get their own supplies?'#and the response is 'of course you don't have to. of course we'll pay you for it'#as if letting people starve would have been a valid option#but then there are scenes that push back against it#namely the scene with the storekeeper trying to pricegouge the wheat#(contender for new favorite scene in the book)#where they show the other side of capitalism/free market#where of course you have the right to charge what you want#but get too greedy and the community will remember#so it's in your best interests to be decent#and now that i put it that way WOW is that a cynical take#but it's still a nice moment when they make the storekeeper change his mind#but anyway it's kind of interesting that the working-class take is more 'every man for himself' than the genteel english take was#the long winter#north and south#little house#laura ingalls wilder#elizabeth gaskell
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i am begging on my hands and knees for jon matteson and bryce charles to sing a song together. since i first watched npmd, every single day without fail i have thought about their harmonies together in hatchet town (“if he gets me next i could be three” and “fits the bill, he fits the bill”) literally the sickest harmonies in the entire show, i turn into a little gremlin every time i hear them. their voices sound SO good together it actually makes me a little ill. my favourite song my favourite line my favourite harmonies, their voices blend perfectly and i am so desperate to hear them sing a duet to hear them singing together again pls pls please pls pls pls. pls.
#the ‘if he gets me next i could be three’ harmony is something else#nobody understand what that line does to me and the indescribable joy i am filled with each and every time i hear it#give me a song where they sing together doesnt even have to be a full duet ill take anything PLEASEEEE#and dont let me be the only one who feels like this i know some of u bitches get the same crazy chills i do on those lines#hatchet town best song and i will die on this hill#only a little bit insane about them like a normal amount i promise#bryce said this was her favourite harmony to sing in the whole show as well and i felt SO validated when i heard that#they are both such incredible performers and have such fantastic vocal abilities it just makes sense to pair them together#please#im asking soooo nicely bestie starkid pls pls pls pls#and they sound so good in every single version both live and studio absolutely unparalleled talent#also i think corey is also singing on the fits the bill line but my point still stands it sounds gorgeous#corey can join them too actually. bryce charles jon matteson duet with a corey dorris feature#i would drop silly amounts of money for it#ok i think im done i can shut up now#sooooo much brainrot from this musical#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#hatchetfield#bryce charles#jon matteson#starkid#tilda rambling
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