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senzume · 1 year

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【 saga. 【 saiyan. 】｡° ⸺

having officially inherited her family's pharmaceutical empire, amame's first endeavor is to study everything there is to know of senzu beans under korin at his tower, and how to best utilize senzu properties. amame spends most of her time in and out of korin tower and kame outlook, as well as alongside the z warriors ( first as a medical professional, and then as a caring friend ).

【 saga. 【 frieza. 】｡° ⸺

with the z warriors turning to namek and training, amame returns her attention fully to the senzu beans. when hearing of a holy fruit with properties similar to the senzu, amame takes to space ( and hell! ) herself in order to study the fruit of the tree of might and the ensenji, all while doing her best to look out for the z warriors wherever they end up.

【 saga. 【 android. 】｡° ⸺

future trunks has arrived with a heart medicine for goku! a medicine in which she decides to study for herself ( giving much props to both current and future bulma for developing it in the first place! ). in studying the heart medicine, and combining it with her existing pharmaceuticals, amame continues to develop newer and stronger medicine to treat any future types of diseases that could branch in and from the heart virus goku was supposed to inherit.

【 saga. 【 cell. 】｡° ⸺

with the senzu supply low to nonexistent, and with threat after threat keeping the z warriors busy, amame keeps herself nearby and on-call on order to aid not only the z warriors but whatever civilians are in need as well. she does her best to split her attention between survivors of cell's terrors, korin's tower, and the z warriors themselves in order to do all she can.

【 saga. 【 interlude i. 】｡° ⸺

eight years is a long time to enjoy some much needed and much deserved peace! in the eight years after cell's destruction and before the next oncoming threat, amame throws all of her focus and efforts wholly into her pharmaceuticals business and her medical advances. although she's certainly kept busy with work, amame makes constant time to keep in touch with the z warriors and their families, making sure to help with anything they need ( food is medicine, too! ). if she's not at edo pharmaceutical's headquarters or labs or korin's tower, she's either off visiting a z warrior or off planet entirely to further her research endeavors.

【 saga. 【 buu. 】｡° ⸺

what was supposed to be just another year supervising the medical standby efforts for the world martial arts tournament ended up being yet another world-saving endeavor. amame had more than her work cut out for her and her teams, doing everything she could to help not only the z warriors but the countless civilians caught in the crossfires of majin buu and babidi's chaos.

【 saga. 【 interlude ii. 】｡° ⸺

five years might be less than eight, but they were certainly just as well needed for peace and quiet! after buu, amame and the edo pharma's team focused on how much farther they could take their medical expertise, from medicines to prosthetics to medical accessories and gear and more. as always, amame kept herself busy, but always made time for the z warriors and her friends, bouncing around wherever her impulsive nature would take her if she wasn't nose-deep in studies.

【 saga. 【 gods. 】｡° ⸺

tba. amame doing her usual of being a medical genius and supporting the z warriors every step of the way.

【 saga. 【 tournament. 】｡° ⸺

tba. amame doing her usual of being a medical genius and supporting the z warriors every step of the way.

【 v. 【 main. 】｡° ⸺

catch all verse tag for amame edo! amame edo is a prodigal medical professional and head of edo pharmacies, a mega medical and pharmaceutical pioneer. amame utilizes her knowledge of medicine, and her own innate healing abilities in order to help those in need anywhere, anytime.

【 au. 【 jujutsu. 】｡° ⸺

amame edo has become known for her prolific use of reverse cursed energy and it's technical application outside of the jujutsu society. trained at tokyo tech, amame knew she wanted to help not only her fellow sorcerers, but the humans they lived to protect. it came as no surprise to any of her peers nor elders that by the time she graduated, she tested both for grade one sorcery as well as aimed to balance life between jujutsu sorcery and human medical finesse. now, she's known as the spearhead behind edo medical, and as the one person to call upon when anyone needs healing. - cursed technique info under construction. all pertain to reverse cursed energy.

【 au. 【 mp100. 】｡° ⸺

amame edo from a young age had always held a unique talent for helping others. when she realized this talent was more than just something learned, amame knew she had to thrive to use this talent to help as many people as she could. now, she's the spearhead of her own medical company, edo medical, as well as a healer known for her healing abilities- an esper with a talent for helping. when she's not managing her company, she's a school nurse.

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desara-fen · 1 year

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There was a Winter Talent Contest in the DnD Westmarches server I'm on so I made a story really quickly. Gonna post it here because why not.

. . . .

The stage is set upon the snowy fields for a petite young elf clad in a fancier version of her usual maroon-pink and pale yellow garb. On her head is a brass crown, shining solemnly alongside the sheer cloak on her back. Though it lies inert for now, those who have seen her first performance know they serve as her wings. She faces those who are watching with a distinct certainty cushioned only by her natural demeanor. It was mentioned, prior, that this contest was to give way for people to do what they're actually good at--for folks to showcase their main talent. Well, Nisotte knows she's not all too blessed by things like innate artistry or elegant maneuvers. All she has is her penchant for observation and her compulsion to write.

All she has…is her stories.

"Once- t-there was, ah- a princess." She begins. It's not ideal for her to narrate her own story considering her stutter, but a show is a show, and she can't very well give her tome to those judging her. Instead, she settles for holding it in her hands, showing crude little sketches that match the words she is saying.

"This princess…she had a-ah, a loving family." Her expression transitions to a gentler one, turning the page towards a doodle of a little girl with a crown flanked by two people- a human woman and an elf man. Hearts bordered the page. "A-and together, they-ah, lived in their castle. T-the princess and her family a-all loved each other v-very much."

"B-but one day..." The page turns again, and at the same time, Nisotte's features slope into soft concern. "A-ah, a great evil came upon them a-and corrupted her parents." This time, her tome shows a drawing of dark skulls half-sunk upon a pool of ink, one likely representing blood. "T-they w-were trapped."

"U-until-"

Nisotte clasps a dark rod in her hands, theatrically motioning with the item until a figure materializes beside her. It's a horrific thing, humanoid only in shape but distinctly not. The spell had clearly made it manifest clad in princely attire matching that of the elf's, but no amount of pretty clothes can mask the demonic countenance of what those well versed in monsters would recognize as a Slaad. It resembles a horned frog, but the jutting spikes on its mottled skin don't just stop at its head, trailing down further along its body in a twisted mockery of a prince's crown. Its eyes are scarlet like its summoner, and it bows as Nisotte lets out a girlish chuckle.

"Until...a-a prince came along."

The ghoulish claws of the slaad extend towards Nisotte--seemingly offering a dance. She nods toward it, placing her much smaller hands upon the monstrosity. Together, they do a soundless waltz, dancing upon the snow in some mimicry of the Beauty and the Beast. Eventually, it stops and stands to let its claws close around the petite figure of the elf, lifting her up along with the storybook in her hands. Slowly, it starts to fly with her in tow. It's a concerning sight if Nisotte weren't so placid. Though the thing's distended claws are closed around her waist, she only turns the tome to the next page and goes forward with her story.

"T-the prince took the princess' hand and told h-her of the w-world outside her castle. W-with her hand i-in his, he showed her t-the way to escape the e-evil haunting her p-parents." The two fly further, closer to the judges. Nisotte sends over a smile, turning in the slaad's hold to show the next page. "T-the prince h-helped remind her parents of w-what the great evil made them forget-"

The tome depicts the princess as she stands in front of her prince. They are centered upon the pool of dark ink, sinking up until their calves. Two skulls flank her as hearts border the page.

"That nothing can best the power of love."

Her tone is certain as she speaks, so much so that the words come clear and continuously. A sincere sort of warmth radiates from her eyes, now set upon those gathered to listen to her. The slaad freezes for a moment, but carries out her instructions to take her in its embrace. She closes the tome, allowing her summon to let her down gently. Together, they clasp hands and bow. "A-and this love is all around us, in the world w-we live in now, and i-in the companions that serve us."

A pause as she fidgets in place. "A-ah, t-thank you for listening!"

Her lips settle into a soft smile.

Her account...her story--it is all true. After all, Nisotte is a writer of experiences. But beyond that, she is also a liar, and the best stories as those that are embellished just enough to tug upon heartstrings and sell a point. She tries to do as much in her effort to tell the story, but this particular tale is one close to her. One near and dear and one she knows in ways no crude drawing can depict. There is more to what she had told, evident in the intangible weight that tugs down on each smile sent during the act. But her book is closed, and she leaves it at that despite the fact.

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vanities-redemption · 5 years

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@adventurouswind has followed you!

...So, that’s what an adult chocobo looked like? The raven gawked at the tall creature with interest and then set his gaze on his rider. Out from his spiky ebony hair emerged a black baby chocobo. The tiny chocobo blinked her blue eyes as she gawked up at the fully grown bird.

“...So, that’s what you will look like Cassie.” Vanitas pointed out to his Chocobo. He then asked the rider. “Hey, what’s your chocobo’s name?”

#v: the adventures that he has (visiting other worlds verse)#adventurouswind #v: outside of the heart (main verse)

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thatseventiesbitch · 2 years

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@einsteinsugly said: Yay! The whole T9S verse, even with my own personal edits, is just so unfathomable to me. Mostly the Jackie and Kelso parts, because Jackie would never go back to him. Not in a healthy state, anyway.

Jackie deserves so much better than the fate T9S has given her, which is the main reason T9S irks me. If the story was pushed to 1998-9, E/D's daughter wasn't named Leia, and Jackie and Kelso weren't a thing (maybe an offscreen J/H ending, with their daughter joining Lucy [not Leia] on her adventures?), I'd be legitimately excited. Alas, the premise is solid, but the details suck.

Anywho, since Eric and Donna's travel bug was cut short in my TWA verse in 1985 because of Kate, I can totally see them dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Not in 1980-2, though. Because as I said in my reply to your essay on T9S's premise, I honestly see Donna having an abortion in most cases, since she and Eric are so far from being ready, it would be a disservice to their child. To go through the same turmoil she did.

The only times I see her not having one is if Eric (or Jackie, maybe) spilled the beans about her pregnancy before she could nip it in the bud (like in season 6, if she was pregnant), or if she and Eric were separated (for whatever reason). and her aching heart overruled her head (like in Drops of Jupiter). And Eric wouldn't even fathom naming his daughter Leia, because Leia was a sexual fantasy. Not someone he idolized, like Luke, per se.

To me, the unexpected pregnancy would have to realistically occur between 1983-7. After they're done with college, and are young, traveling professionals (they're working in Cape Town, South Africa in my verse), only for it to be unexpectedly cut short. Speaking of which, I have a bunch of chapters of Ebony and Ivory (the main E/D fic in my verse) written, but I only have three chapters posted. All of my stuff is on AO3 at this point (I only posted on FF in the very beginning), and I have a bunch of ficlets, moodboards, and essays within my verse in the Eric and Donna tag. And the Jackie and Hyde tag. And the Red and Kitty tag...

Yeah, I don’t blame anybody for not being interested in That 90′s Show. Different strokes for different folks, and all that. If Eric and Donna were treated the way Jackie and Hyde are being treated, I’d be effing pissed too.

I think circumstances outside the show/characters led to Jackie and Kelso being written as back together, and that’s really dumb, lol. I’m with you - Jackie could have appeared alone without mentioning any romantic partner, so it’s all left up to fans’ imaginations. Or sure, mention that she’s going home to Hyde off-screen. But the writers/producers have shown that they don’t have that kind of creativity, unfortunately. They were unwilling to do it when Topher left in season 8, too.

I have a lot of questions about That 90′s Show and skepticism too, but hey, I haven’t even seen it yet so what do I know? I’m going to reserve judgement until it comes out. Maybe it will suck. Maybe it will be great. Probably somewhere in between. I will take what I like and use it for inspiration, and I’ll ignore the rest, same as always with this show. It has disappointed me before and I’m sure it will again, but that’s why fanfic exists!

I don’t think Donna would get an abortion, but there are a lot of different ways to interpret the characters and of course we’re each entitled to our own. When she thought she was pregnant in the show, abortion wasn’t something that seemed to be on the table. The characters all sort of acted like it was inevitable that if Donna was pregnant, she’d be having the baby. Brooke and Kelso’s unexpected pregnancy was treated the same way. Roe v. Wade happened in 1973 so abortion was certainly legal and available (especially in cities probably, like Madison, Milwaukee or Chicago) but I don’t think it was by any means common. At least, not in Point Place.

I think Donna would be well informed about her options, though, and I think she would think about them seriously if something like this happened. I also think that finishing college would be a deal-breaker for her. And she wouldn’t want to rush into marriage, just because she was being rushed into parenthood. Eric would have to react better than he did last time, too. I think he’s capable of acting more maturely, though, and I also think that fatherhood would be something Eric would take seriously and would be the catalyst for him to finally grow up.

Hmm, I think their kid would be raised with a lot of love and support, not only from Eric and Donna but from Red and Kitty. I bet Leia had a pretty happy childhood (albeit imperfect). One of the things I’m looking forward to about That 90′s Show - other than Eric and Donna’s on-screen reunion! - is seeing Red and Kitty interact with their granddaughter. I have a feeling they helped an awful lot when Leia was small.

#einsteinsugly #that 70s show #that 70's show #that 90s show #that 90's show #eric and donna #eric x donna #eric forman #donna pinciotti #leia forman #red and kitty #red x kitty

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polishksiezniczka · 4 years

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Camerlengo Patrick McKenna Fluff ABCs | Camerlengo x Female Reader

Il camerlengo deserves more love ❤

Notes: These take place in an AU where the Cardinal Strauss and Commander Richter are guilty of the attacks on the Vatican. 2K words.

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

There are so many things about you Patrick adores: your beautiful, soft smile; the curiosity and warmth your eyes convey; the feminine lilt of your voice. But most of all, he loves you for your heart. The kindness you show towards others makes you an angel in his eyes.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why or why not?)

Despite his vocation to the priesthood, Patrick would love nothing more than to start a family with you. He views the love you share as a gift from God, not something that should be disgraced or vilified. The arbitrary man-made rules of the Church which prevent him from realizing this longing—your own little family—frustrate him to no end.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

With the utmost care and gentleness. He holds you against him, reverently stroking your hair, face, and body with his warm fingers. He especially loves to admire the suppleness of you, softly kissing each and every glorious inch he can reach. While these moments are few, they are precious to him.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Because your relationship with Patrick is technically “forbidden,” you can’t go on dates in the normal sense. When he can, Patrick will use the secret passage between the Vatican and Castel Sant’ Angelo to discretely travel to the outside world in order to visit you. Because you really can’t be seen alone with him, you instead spend time with Patrick in your apartment, often cooking dinner, talking, and just enjoying each other’s company. Even if you can’t confess your love to the world yet, all he desires is to spend every moment he can with you.

E = Everything [“You are my ____________.” (e.g. my life, my world)]

“You are my heart.”

“You are my treasure.”

“You are my life’s greatest blessing. You are a gift from God.”

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

When he imagined his life without you. The pain he felt even entertaining the notion was too much for him to bear. He knew he needed to tell you before it was too late.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

This is one of the main reasons you fell in love with Patrick—he is truly the gentlest soul you have ever met. He treats you as if you were a priceless relic, practically worshipping the ground you walk on and swearing to defend you from any harm. Not that he won’t stand up for what he believes—he is a fierce defender of his faith and possesses the ability to inspire millions with his commanding oratory. But the look of love in his eyes when you catch him watching you makes your heart flutter rapidly in your chest like a schoolgirl’s.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Secretly and with all the affection he can possibly give. He especially loves to brush his thumb across the back of your hand, squeeze them lightly, or bring them to his lips when they are intertwined. When you are alone together, he always wants to maintain this type of intimate contact.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

When you first met Patrick, the always-charming young priest was left speechless. Not only was he enamored of your beauty, he was mesmerized by your intellect and eloquence. At first, he chided himself for such foolish and boy-like thoughts—he was a priest, after all! But after slowly getting to know you, he realized how much you embodied perfection to him: your poise, the uncommon kindness you showed to all those you met, your deep devotion to your Catholic faith. And you couldn’t help but feel the same strong attraction to him.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous much?)

Patrick is not the jealous type—he would never have any reason to be. Your love is built on trust and truthfulness, and he alone holds the key to your heart.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You were the first to kiss Patrick. You had gone to him for guidance after suffering a deeply personal anguish. His words were so gentle and reassuring, you couldn’t help but softly kiss his cheek in gratitude as tears slipped silently from your eyes. You were too numb to even feel ashamed, let alone prepare for Patrick’s response: taking your hand and kissing it lovingly, a gesture meant to assure you your feelings were reciprocated.

Because of Patrick’s profession and his constant presence in the public eye, you can’t be together as often as you’d like. But when you are, you nearly die and go to heaven from his mouth’s attentions alone. Patrick’s kisses are gentle, reverent, and full of love. He is never aggressive or rough; instead, he worships you with his lips, laying them everywhere like a starving man put before a feast.

L = Love (Who says I love you first?)

Patrick did. He was running to the helicopter to dispose of the antimatter chamber, willing to sacrifice his life for the safety of the faithful gathered in the Square and his beloved St. Peter’s. As he prepared to take off, he saw you standing on the steps at the entrance to the basilica, tears in your eyes. He silently mouthed to you, “I love you. Pray for me.” You were distraught but could do nothing but nod as tears clouded your vision and watch as he ascended from the plaza into the night sky.

M = Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?)

One night you begged Patrick to go for a walk around the city together, like a normal couple would. You couldn’t brush away the romantic childhood notions of strolling through Rome with your beloved. He finally acquiesced to your pleas (your doe eyes and breathy implorations being of great assistance to you) and the two of you slipped quietly out into the dusky night. You frolicked at the Trevi Fountain, gazed at the enormity of the Pantheon, and shared a sweet treat from the gelateria while nestled on a bridge overlooking the Tiber River. Although the ancient city was beautiful, the sight beside him was what truly took his breath away.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Priests are sworn to a life of poverty, so Patrick does not shower you with expensive presents (nor can he afford to). But none of that matters to you because all you care about is Patrick and your love for him. Of his few earthly possessions, Patrick gifted you his late mother’s golden crucifix necklace inlaid with emerald, despite your attempts to dissuade him. He gave you the look of utmost adoration and smiled. “Angelo mio, you are the only one worthy of wearing it.” You wear the necklace every day as a secret declaration of your love for Patrick.

O = Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

There are two: light pink (it is your favorite color and the color of your favorite flower, the gardenia) and white. White symbolizes purity and peace, as it is the color of the angels, and to Patrick, you are his angel on Earth.

P = Pet Names (What pet names do they use?)

Angelo mio (“my angel”); cuore mio (“my heart”); mi amore (my love); “beloved”; “dearest”; “my treasure” ; “sweetheart.”

Q = Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

His rosary, made of olive wood grown on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. It was a gift from His Holiness.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Ideally, he would spend the day curled up together on the sofa with you, reading, talking, or just basking in the other’s presence. Two mugs of tea and a plate of delectable pastries you had baked for him would sit on the table but would remain uneaten because of the sustenance you provide to each other. When he cannot be with you, he enjoys spending time in his study, doing research, reading Scripture, or writing his weekly homily.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Prayer—he always turns to God and the Saints for guidance.

Naturally, being by your side and in close physical contact immediately quells even his deepest fears. He relishes listening to your soft, sweet voice, lulling him into a sense of profound comfort and eventually, sleep.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Patrick is an intellectual at heart and loved the time he spent in seminary. He is incredibly well-versed in a variety of topics, including literature, history, science, music, art, philosophy, and theology. You could listen to him for hours and never lose interest.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

You. Patrick can be himself around you, let his guard down. He knows that he can tell you anything. Sometimes when he has a lot on his mind (responsibilities, the welfare of his Church, your future together), he simply gazes at you lovingly and observes the subtle movements you make when you’re engrossed in a task like cooking, reading, or playing the piano.

When he’s anxious and you are not around, prayer provides him a deep sense of comfort. He also relishes in your sweet scent—a small vial of your perfume you gifted him.

V = Vaunt (How do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Vanity is a sin! 😉

But in secret, he loves showing off his Latin skills to you! You find it incredibly sensual when he speaks to you in that ancient tongue.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

On a dreamy spring night, Patrick led you up to a secret balcony near the base of St. Peter’s massive dome—a hidden observatory shown to him by His Holiness when he was a young boy. The view is breathtaking; you can see the whole city bathed in golden light, the inky blue darkness above cut by the silver caresses of the moon. You turn to Patrick in complete awe and could hardly articulate how beautiful the view was. He pulls you close to him and whispers that he would be happy if he could never see this view again if it meant he could spend the rest of his life with you. You turned to him, overwhelmed with love, your breath hitching at the significance of his words. He then knelt down before you, taking your hands in his.

“Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, of all the blessings God has bestowed upon me, none is more precious than you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew that we were meant to be together, in this place and time.” His eyes were sincere and insistent, his tone earnest as he held your hands tighter and continued: “My mind told me that we could not be together, that my vows of celibacy and chastity forbid this. But my heart tells me that if a love so pure as ours exists, is it not a gift from God, meant to be treasured? And though I may not deserve to understand, all I wish to know and feel is my love for you.” His eyes shone softly with tears.

“Y/N, my love, will you make me the happiest man on Earth and spend the rest of your life with me? Will you be my wife?”

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Patrick loves the ancient hymns from the early days of the Church, their melodies hauntingly beautiful yet powerful. “Ave Maria” also has a special place in his heart after he heard you singing it softly to yourself one evening while preparing dinner.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Every day! Patrick is so torn between the duties of his priesthood and his intense longing to spend the rest of his life as your husband. He prays to God often about this personal conflict, but finally decides to propose to you before Him alone, indifferent to anyone else’s judgement.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Because Patrick is so easygoing and affectionate, he would do really well with dogs.

Tag: @lemairepstuff @seraferna

#ewan mcgregor #patrick mckenna #camerlengo #angels and demons #dan brown #il camerlengo #carlo ventresca #ewanfuckinmcgregor #forgive me father for i have sinned

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portokali · 4 years

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melocrows (melodrama for the crows)

green light - nina!!! did it frighten you? how we kissed when we danced on the light-up floor

sober - but what will we do when we’re sober? / ain’t no pill that can touch our rush - all very jesper, a song all about chasing a high and drowning away your troubles/using pleasure for escapism, while constantly anxious of inevitably having to face reality.

homemade dynamite: jesper/wylan anthem. don’t know you super well but i think that you might be the same as me / behave abnormally and they are, of course, blowin’ shit up with homemade dynamite.

the louvre - kanej anthem, giving half of my wardrobe is on your bedroom floor a different meaning - they’re not fucking, it’s kaz casually undressing & washing up in front of inej (all part of his flirting technique all part of the plan). i am your sweetheart, psychopathic crush is kaz pov / but lover you’re the one to blame, all that you do, can you hear the violence? is inej pov.

liability - you were little much for me / you were liability is very much Sad Wylan Hours, whether because of his father or even the crows roasting him early in the first book.

hard feelings - predictably another kanej anthem. please could you be tender? and i will sit close to you is inej @ kaz i’m at [ketterdam] city, it’s late and this song is for you is kaz @ inej. the entirety of the song? kanej 2nd act breakup (it actually plays everytime they get pissed at each other and inej walks away bc theyre dramatic like that)

it was real for me, yeah, real for me, now i’ll fake it every single day til i don’t need fantasy - also very nina/matthias post-betrayal

loveless - all of them as they are all the l o v e l e s s generation (of the barrel). but it’s specficially giving nina and jesper cause they’re the ones to go well guess what? i like that so although the general sentiment of lovelessness applies to all the crows, nina and jesper are the narrators of the song because they’re aware of it (as Designated Team Flirts)

sober ii (melodrama) - Everyone anthem, as after all it is the title track. ish.

clearly a much more somber jesper pov from sober (all the gun fights, and the lime lights / god i wonder why we bother) - but the fact that the tone is much more reflective this time around gives the song a wylan voice (something about lights are on and they’ve gone home / oh how fast the evening passes, cleaning up the champagne glasses and wylan alone/lonely in his family mansion)

the existential/religious undertones of this steer to an inej pov: the holy sick divine lights is her struggling to reconcile her actions with her faith as well as her being an outsider to the main religion in ketterdam, and no you won’t remember in the morning when i speak my mind is very inej pov kanej early in soc.

at its heart, though, the song is undeniably soc-era nina/matthias: they’ll talk about us, all the lovers, how we kissed and killed each other, and then finishes off with one of the most -if not the most- kaz lyrics, which is, of course, we told you this was melodrama / you wanted something that we offered

writer in the dark - 1st verse is kaz pov of the kanej breakup (sorry i was never good like you)

the chorus doesn’t really fit them as they never kiss, but it works beautifully for wylan after jesper kisses kuwei (bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark - kuwei isn’t exactly a writer but everyone literate is a writer to wylan).

but in our darkest hours i stumbled on a secret power, i’ll find a way to be without, babe - nina in the second half of ck. edit cause apparently this post wasn’t already long enough: so is i still feel you now and then, slow like pseudoeuphedrine [*parem]

i’ll love you til my breathing stops / i’ll love you til you call the cops on me is everyone @ everyone.

supercut - matthias and nina about their relationship pre-soc. mostly matthias pov, but make you crazy over my touch is all nina

liability (reprise) - as liability is a wylan song, liability (reprise) is a jesper song, especially after falling out with kaz and progressively getting over him while still caring for him. all of the dreams that get harder / all of the things that i offer you / but you’re not what you thought you were.

perfect places - kaz!!! are you lost enough? have another drink, get lost in us, this is how we get notorious / all of the things we’re taking, cause we are young and we’re ashamed / all of our heroes fading / what the fuck are perfect places, anyway?

#*joins a new fandom* ill contribute w content that is so [lorde]#im open to peer feedback i tried my best but ultimately melodrama is a breakup/loveless generation album #and so i focused on the canon couples more than the platonic relationships. but well!#lorde #soc #soc spoilers #six of crows spoilers #crooked kingdom spoilers #my socks #kanej #wesper #this is inspired by mina's @ katarawave's post on meloatla btw #ill link to it once i find it again :)#long post #soc the musical

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gingerbreadmonsters · 2 years

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hii!! I'm so sorry for taking so long to respond, I've been a little busy and I didn't want to rush a reply but I hope you've been good the last few days <3 have you been up to anything interesting since uni ended?

ooh I won't go on for too long about kpop because you'll never hear the end of it 😂 I really like bts and blackpink too!! mmh I'm multifandom for the most part, but my mains are twice, nct, enhypen and gidle, they're all really good groups if you wanna check them out. and its pretty funny because you're joining kpop right in the transition from 3rd gen to 4th gen haha, so there's a lot going on to see!! twice's 'formula of love' album is incredible if you want to listen them more, every song on it is so damn good, I play it all the time. 'cruel' is a very good song if you don't want to listen to the full album. also 'verse 2' by jj project is a super good album but very different from 'normal' kpop, it's more chill than pop. it's one of my faves.

and here I was saying I wasn't gonna talk a lot about kpop 😂

ALSO I've been meaning to look into redacted asmr but I haven't had the chance to yet, I don't really know much about asmr but I lowkey wanna get into it. I've heard a few of the anime guy asmr's, is it similar to that? but anyway, I read green umbrella trees it was so cute and pretty, you're writing is absolutely amazing. I fell in love with the way you described him touching the readers body, I literally don't know how else to explain it but it was like I was reading the best poetry in the world. I wanna know who made you feel love the way you do because I can really see how beautiful and precious it is in your writing. and I can't wait for the beach simeon fic! I'm in a whole beach mood since the weather has been pretty nice lately, so I am ready for it!!!

also your mum sounds so cool haha I hope your easter is lovely tomorrow if you're celebrating it <3

- 🌻

baby!! hello 🥰🥰

lmao so i said i was going to rest my ankle, turns out that is a little bit difficult when you are on holiday with your parents in spain 🤡 valencia is very lovely but i am walking at about 0.5 mph so plenty of time to smell the metaphorical roses?? i get back today so this coming week i'm going to meet up w some of my friends from sixth form which will be nice :) how about you?? any plans while the weather's still decent?? 🌤️🌤️

UMMMM???? listening to 'cruel' literally right now and this is an entire BOP *added to playlist* 🕺🕺🕺ooh i've heard good things about nct, will add them to the list 👌✌️

😭😭 i'm so glad you liked green umbrella trees!! ik the redacted fandom is p small, so it's very reassuring to know that you liked it anyway 🥺🥰 i am blushing v hard

i think i get a lot of my ideas about love from reading fic tbh - i have no real experience with romantic love irl (unless you count the one or two crushes i had at school lmao it's definitely not from real life i am so very very single lmao), so i feel very attached to the idea of love as something fantastical and strange and somehow comforting - something alien and unusual and that makes your head spin, but that feels like home. you don't need to look too closely at my writing to see that i like to compare feelings that are very zoomed in with much larger, grander concepts - to take green umbrella trees as an example:

"he takes the universe in his stride - it follows behind him, waiting on his word, lapping playfully at his heels. [...] your world is the size of his voice. your living room is the size of his love. your heart is the size of his hands. you measure the whole world to him, and nothing ever compares."

"elastic snaps against skin. outside, the sky stretches on forever."

the bits that resonate the most with me when i'm reading tend to be quite tactile - the connection between touch and trust and vulnerability.... when i actually think about it, it's quite unusual for me to get very close to people?? like?? so describing skin contact of any variety holds a lot of weight to me, and that's the feeling i want to put across :)

SIMEON BEACH FIC!!!!! im very excited for this one hehe 🤠🤠 lots of ice cream and sunshine and goodness to come (although it's really hard to not call it sun tan lotion?? i think that's just a uk thing and i'm worried that it might come off as the wrong thing, so now i have to call it sunscreen) 🏖️🏖️🏖️

and yes happy easter my love!! hope you have a gorgeous day tomorrow (regardless of whether you're celebrating anything or not :D)

(let me pop this under the cut bc i RAMBLED wow)

REDACTED ASMR!! i have no idea who this anime guy is lmao i don't listen to very much asmr in general ok so i only discovered it very recently on youtube, but bro?? it's actually really good?? the guy who does it, erik, is so big-brained and has the most incredible storylines and universe (plus his voices?? 😘😘 obv idk much about regional american accents but imo he is UNCLOCKABLE WOW) - i think i spoiled summarised the marcus storyline in this post!

the basic premise is that a magical, "empowered" society exists alongside and hidden from our normal "unempowered" reality - each "main character" has a listener who functions as a character of their own, and all of these characters are involved in various different storylines that overlap with others (e.g. the 'inversion' arc). it's a MASSIVE universe but it's actually not that hard to get into - lmk if you want me to break down an order that i recommend, bc this post is already v long lmao

(for context: this is a list of i think most of the characters who have listeners?? there are lots more - all with distinct voices!! claps to mr erik!! - who are supporting/background characters but do not have listeners, who aren't here. listed as "character name (listener nickname)".

the DAMN boys (elementals): lasko, damien, huxley (plus gavin, an incubus) - these guys all have one listener, called freelancer/deviant

the solaire clan (vampires): vincent (lovely), sam (darlin')

the shaw pack (werewolf shifters): david (angel), asher (babe), milo (sweetheart), plus sam's listener darlin'

the office boys: aaron (smartass), ollie (babe/mentor)

miscellaneous other?? (includes 'the balance', 'sadism's hold', and 'project meridian', plus some extra): elliott (sunshine), blake (bestie?), ivan (baby), vega (warden), avior (starlight), marcus (love), geordi (cutie)

it's such a wonderful fandom and literally everyone in the tag is lovely - highly highly recommend 😍😍

#this took forever to answer my apologies 😵‍💫#finishing it off on the airport wifi #🌻 anon #ginger speaks to anons #gingerbreadmonsters #THEYRE BOARDING FUCK #OK SEE YOU LATER FLIGHT TIME

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pekorosu · 4 years

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just a lil “if ash lived” headcanon that i need to unload somewhere bc i've been holding it in for a long time

- set within the manga ‘verse

- takes place when ash and eiji are in their early 30s... so around the mid 1990s?

- i don’t get the weird animanga trope where older = longer hair, so they’re gonna look the same... maybe with slightly shorter hair bc they get regular haircuts now

- (note: i've always interpreted long-haired eiji as symbolic of the fact that he couldn't move on from ash’s death)

- ash and eiji will continue living in the states, idk if still in NYC or somewhere else. they’ll move around a lot though.

- ash will mostly remain underground as he had to fake his death after lao’s stab, but he does it in a "hiding in plain sight" kind of way. only a handful of people know he’s still alive.

- ash spends most of his time on the computer, mostly coding, hacking, being a nerd, among other fun stuff.

- he also takes on “jobs” anonymously, and occasionally from max (who’s still into investigative journalism) when he needs info that can only be obtained through Dubious Means.

- i also like to think that ash's a bit of a hacker robin hood lol. but he isn’t doing it purely out of the goodness of his heart, as part of it is a subconscious need to atone for his “sins” and cleanse the gnawing and persistent feeling of shame that gets amplified when he’s around eiji.

- also whatever he’s up to these days would ofc still be Highly Dangerous and Illegal, but it keeps him busy and would sate the part of him that’s still hungry for adrenaline without him having to engage in stuff like active bloodshed or substance abuse. basically that’s how i imagine he’d try to cope with life the only way he knows.

- eiji continues to do photography and other part time gigs bc he does not like the idea of mooching off ash forever, and he slowly makes a name for himself.

- ash and eiji live together but they are NOT together in a romantic sense... not yet >:)

- therefore eiji will probably date other people in the meantime, which gets a little troublesome bc it's not like he can bring them home to where his secret Very Important Friend is secretly hiding.

- ash will maybe have one-night stands every now and then. or not. idk. this isn’t a very important detail.

- anyway there will be lots of clueless but mutual pining :)

- ash especially, is of the opinion that they should start living separately bc someone will eventually track him down, maybe someone who has a past or present grudge on him. combined with his current activities, it’s only a matter of time before eiji would unwittingly get dragged into his problems again.

- eiji is v adamantly against that plan bc he's sorta developed a debilitating sense of paranoia that ash might just get killed somewhere while he’s not looking. not that ash isn’t paranoid either, but his insecurities often tip the scale over to “eiji is safer away from me” than “with me”.

- basically they’re doing their whole “stay. no, leave. no, stay” dance all over again, but like, dragged out over MANY YEARS.

- you thought eiji’s letter would’ve cleared up any crossed wires?

- HELL NO

- like yea, there was probably a beautiful honeymoon period of about a year or two after they reunited, before their respective trauma and issues started creeping in and fucking things up again.

- esp on ash’s end, i think he’d engage in a lot of self-sabotage. and eiji is only human, he has his own limits and baggage too.

- there will be a government conspiracy plotline but on a smaller scale compared to canon that i am unfortunately not knowledgeable enough to worldbuild on, but it will probably have something to do with cybercrime/cyberterrorism/stuff like that bc it needs to tie in with ash's hacking shenanigans.

- i've heard that sing ends up becoming some sorta political big shot in yasha? idk, i haven't read it myself, but since china’s rising status was mentioned in GoL i imagine the plot should relate to that somehow.

- therefore sing would also get to be in this story!

- i guess this means yut-lung would come into the picture at some point as well, and it would be a good opportunity for a redemption arc but i haven’t given it much of a thought bc i’m indifferent to his character orz SORRY.

- look i can’t do plot, but i am basically envisioning a political thriller with a side of slow burn romance (wait, you mean like a rehash of canon?)

- i’m thinking max is the one who kicks off the story by bringing something fishy to ash, and they just end up uncovering more and more and MORE stuff as they keep going.

- so for like 80% of the story, ash and eiji will be separated bc ash will be busy spying or infiltrating something... and being at the center of Plot Things, while max and eiji will be more on the outside dealing with the journalist side of things. i’m fond of max-ash interactions but i’m also REALLY CURIOUS about max-eiji’s dynamic :D

- meanwhile sing will be like, half in and half out i imagine. he's versatile like that lol

- ...i did NOT mean that in a dirty way

- anyway, this will provide ash and eiji ample space to work out their issues separately, as i think living in close quarters for so many years has actually been aggravating them. ofc those issues don’t get 100% resolved by the end, but some time apart from each other to cool off and spend with other people should provide a bit of perspective.

- i want ash to make some NEW FRIENDS (!!!) that are on the same wavelength as him bc there’s only so much that he can tell eiji and i’m sure he gets rather lonely, so there will be OCs that he will meet in the middle of Plot Things.

- ash will get trapped at some point. preferably with sing so they can have a much needed heart-to-heart talk. they’ll have a lot to hash out, ranging from the events in BF, shorter’s and lao’s death, all the way to ash’s love life.

- btw i like the idea of eiji and sing being close drinking buddies who confide in one another but ash is kinda, justalittle, not very happy about that LOL

- i mean, it's not like eiji can confide in ash when ash is the topic at hand, ya get me? as for sing, he’s similar to ash in the sense that they live dangerous lives, so i imagine he just finds it nice to be able to hang out with someone mundane like eiji every now and then.

- not to say that ash and sing aren’t talking to each other at all, but i think they’d have a bit of a rift between them. sing probably does feel some resentment, both at ash for killing lao AND at himself bc he knows deep down that given a choice, he would’ve saved ash over his own brother. ash can sense that tortured vibe, so eiji’s like their middle man. AND THAT’S WHY THEY NEED A HEART-TO-HEART TALK

- (SIDE NOTE: i want akira to have a role in this too. i actually have a separate headcanon that happens prior to this story... kinda like an alternate GoL?

akira goes to the states to visit eiji, but ash is also there, yeah? akira and ash start out sorta prickly with each other bc ash is all weird and standoffish and always cooped up in his room. she probably mistook him as a jobless model mooching off eiji at first since 1) eiji and ibe have never spoken about him back in japan (cuz he’s supposed to be dead), 2) why would eiji be living with some random hot guy? unless they met during one of his photography gigs? right???

and then she ends up witnessing them in the middle of a tiff, which makes her not like ash even more bc HOW DARE HE YELL AT POOR OKUMURA-SAN??? UNGRATEFUL JERK!!!

but over the course of her visit, she snoops around learns a bit about their history and gathers hints as to why their r’ship is kinda strained. also ash and akira somehow end up bonding (reluctantly) over their emotional insecurities and part on a friendly rivalry to win over eiji’s affections (which eiji is completely oblivious to. also akira may have been 100% serious but ash was just jokingly playing along with her (OR WAS HE???)). anyway long story short, ash teaches akira some cool tech/IT stuff along the way so that leads to her gaining an interest in the field.

she won’t be able to do much in this story, but a minor role would be cool :)

^ a lighthearted gyoza-making scene amid all the angst)

- (SIDE NOTE #2: i ALSO want cain to feature in this, but bc canon provided very little bg info on him it’s hard for me to figure out where he’d fit. but i suppose that’s precisely why it would be great to include him, since i can just make up my own backstory! lol. for now, i think he should be connected to one of the new OCs to make him more central to the plot. or heck, he can be involved himself! ...yeah, i’m just salty about how cain was treated more like a convenient plot device compared to the other major side characters. we barely know anything about him even though he was one of ash’s most trusted allies. #caindeservedbetter2k20)

- anyway, back to the main story. ash (and his new "friends") barely escape where they’re held hostage. ash would be rusty with combat now as he’s spent the past few years doing only stealth work and being rather sedentary.

- so there’ll be lotsa old man!ash jokes like them poking fun at him whenever he complains about his back hehe

- when they finally emerge outside they find themselves in the middle of nowhere! they then hijack a passing pickup truck and do a roadtrip back to civilisation. ROAD TRIP FTW

- at this point, quite some time has already passed and ash even has a fuzzy beard and mane and all. he’s standing at the back of the truck with a small smile on his face and the wind blowing in his hair, thinking GONNA GO BACK AND SEE EIJI, MISS HIM LOADS, HELL YEA

- (bonus: this song and this scene is the catalyst for this entire headcanon btw)

(drew this about a year ago. i was trying to imitate the manga’s art style... and the ash i had in my mind was a little different. i’m too lazy to redraw, but he’s fuzzier now okay! MORE FUZZ! like an actual freakin LION!)

- meanwhile, eiji and max will get into some deep shit around this point?

- eiji in the pic above was me imagining that the Bad Guys had tossed some damning evidence (eg. severed body part?) on the ground like “ash’s dead/ash’s in a lot of danger now so hand over all the info u have”

- and eiji and max are like. SHOOKETH

- this would be the 3rd time ash has “died” after all, and as they say... 3rd time's the charm...

- eiji almost gives in, but then max spits in their face like fuck no and then... yeah. they get beat up and taken away or something lol

- EDIT: hmm... what if the Bad Guy is someone IN the government, and he uses his power to get eiji and max arrested for aiding and abetting a wanted fugitive (ash). and then ash has to rescue them... JAILBREAK STYLE

- also it might be cool to introduce ash's mom somewhere in this story... maybe SHE'S the villain! mwahaha *drama intensifies*

- anyways they will get saved by ash and gang bc that’s just the way things go, BUT! only on the condition they already made it out at least 80% of the way bc GODDAMN IT👏LET👏EIJI👏BE👏BADASS👏FOR👏ONCE👏

- (that is, after he overcomes the initial shock of ash possibly being dead again... again...... again............)

- there will ofc be moments of “oh my god, you’re okay” "i thought i lost you...!"

- something like this, because one can never have enough cheesy reunion scenes

- this will eventually lead to REVELATIONS (of the romantic kind, yes)

- buuuut they will never say "i love you" directly to each other bc ash is too emotionally constipated and eiji is too japanese. it's okay, they will communicate it through heated stares 👀

- i would love for there to be a scene where they have to be separated again for Plot Reasons and ash sorta hesitantly goes all "...will you wait for me?" as a direct parallel to canon!eiji's "i'll be waiting" and it’s like,

- FINALLY!

- FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! ash has finally allowed himself to ask for this, to let himself want it!

- and eiji would be like OF COURSE I WILL YOU BIG DUMMY, ALWAYS AND FOREVER

- but i think it'd be hilarious if eiji pops up while ash's in the middle of the final showdown and ash's like WTF I TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR ME and eiji's like I WAS WORRIED OKAY YOU WERE TAKING SO LONG

- idk how this is supposed to end...

- oh wait! since the plot is government-related, maybe Someone will be able to pull strings to wipe out ash’s criminal record (past and present) and give him a brand new 100% legal identity, as thanks for his efforts? or maybe ash (or sing) just does it himself somewhere along the way LOL. anyway, he’ll be able to start over with a fresh clean slate and finally work on recovery FOR REAL NOW. yes this is a happy ending AND it didn’t require him to go to japan /flips off canon

- ...i realise it’s never going to be that simple but W H A T E V E R

- (also they probably will visit japan in the future with that shiny new passport... gotta meet the in-laws and all y’know)

- who do i gotta pay to write this cheesy self-indulgent fic for me

#since tumblr is for talking to myself that is exactly what im gonna do now #a very long self-indulgent post //#banana fish

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lightninginabottle0613 · 4 years

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I know is super late for more headcanons but since i really liked every one you posted I was thinking If you had your own hc for arya and gendry just being in a relationship (with each other ofc lol). I think there are very specific things that screams gendrya to me soo...,,yeah. I really don't know if I'm making sense, sorry 🥺🥺

you saying ‘i know it’s super late,’ as i sit here answering this ask literal weeks after you sent it ... is this thing still on, or what. also you are making perfect sense, and also ily

(it is never too late to send me stuff, for the record! anything/everything! i know i have been relatively quiet on here lately, but gendrya still owns my ass, and i am beginning to suspect that they always will! and what about it)

💘 gendrya in a relationship headcanons 💘

right off the bat, let me say that there’s a post on here (and i do not remember who wrote it, so my apologies) that says that gendrya are a ‘peeing with the bathroom door open’ kind of couple, and nothing has ever made more sense to me

(i am not taking credit for that headcanon, but i hold it near and dear to my heart)

i don’t think they know when their anniversary is. or if they do celebrate an anniversary, they can never agree on when it should be, so they have multiple

i think they both wake up around the same time, but gendry almost always falls asleep first. especially if they’re watching a movie on the couch. poor boy can’t stay awake during a movie to save his life

please, everyone, repeat after me - gendrya are not a pet name couple. any pet names (except probably ‘love’) are used ironically

arya’s main love language is words of affirmation, and gendry is not the greatest at that all the time, but he tries his best. luckily for him, arya’s other main love language is ‘gendry trying his best’

gendry’s main love language - as someone who grew up having to do a lot of things for himself - is acts of service

(both are v heavy on the physical touch as well, obviously)

for the absolute blessed life of him, gendry does not understand why his girlfriend likes flowers so much. why bring flowers inside, when they belong outside. but damnit if he doesn’t bring home a bouquet every saturday when he stops by the farmer’s market after brunch w his foster parents

semi on that subject, and this is barely a relationship headcanon, but gendry is definitely The Guy That Loves His Lawn. everyone knows that guy, right? he’s like, 1000% that guy that’s like ‘thank god it’s raining, we needed it’

don’t know why, but i feel like they have matching bathrobes, which arya thinks is hilarious, and gendry quietly enjoys

they are definitely not ‘that couple’ in terms of overt/annoying PDA, but they do both still absentmindedly play with each other’s hair in public

they own a step-stool so that arya can reach things on high shelves, but they rarely use it bc she prefers to precariously climb furniture

it often results in her being physically lifted by gendry, who cannot bear to watch her almost hurt herself on a daily basis

arya has thousands of pictures/videos on her phone, and a good number (but not all) of them are of gendry/the two of them goofing around/their home/their dates/etc.

gendry has like four pictures on his (very outdated) phone and they are only of arya

arya texts like this with barely any punctuation or capitalization

Gendry texts like this.

one of my favorite headcanons (both asoiaf-verse and modern) is that gendry can sing (something he gets from his biological mother), and he's self-conscious about it with everyone except arya. they have a vast catalogue of car duets

all of the tall boy/short girl headcanons. gendry using arya’s head as an armrest, mostly. she is not partial to this

generally not much ‘traditional’ relationship stuff, but i like thinking about gendry telling jon he wants to marry arya. not even that he plans to propose, just like ... ‘yeah, it’s gonna happen at some point, just so you know.’ and jon is like lol you silly goose. duh

growing up/as kids, gendry usually just read the books that arya liked, so he would know what the f she was talking about. but then he slowly starts to actually enjoy reading, as he gets older. so their home is filled to the brim with books :’)

“you’re on my list” “marriage or hit?” “yes”

and lastly (otherwise, i will go on and on and on), & perhaps the most cliché of all -

if arya is home, she is wearing one of gendry’s shirts/hoodies, ten out of ten times

#gendrya #arya x gendry #gendrya headcanon #modern gendrya

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jonismitchell · 4 years

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Love dies in the city; or the romanticism v. modernism conflict on folklore

In my humble opinion, Taylor Swift’s 2020 album folklore is about the conflict between romanticism and modernism. It sets up the natural as a place of freedom and unrestrained love, contrasting this with the city (presumably New York) as a place of hiding and secrecy that ultimately dooms the integral relationship. In the end, Swift expresses her deepest desires to return to the natural world, to restart the timeline that began with her move to New York, something I will elaborate on when discussing “hoax” and “the lakes.” This storyline is the crux of the album, and the motif I’ve used to classify its songs into six distinct sections, which follow a vague plot that is not represented in the track list order.

the natural (seven, invisible string, betty) I would argue that “seven” represents the heart of folklore, containing what seems to be the album’s mission statement (“passed down like folk songs / our love lasts so long”) and describing the earliest point in Swift’s timeline. This song is the one most directly linked to nature, describing a childhood friendship that takes place in the woods. One lyric, “before I learned civility / I used to scream ferociously / any time I wanted,” implies that Swift found freedom in nature, when her secrets were mere promises to friends instead of the pain she had since hinged her life on. In addition, this song is pure romanticism. The interest in childhood is implied, we can reasonably assume both main characters to be seven years old. To support this, the song states “although I can’t recall your face, I still got love for you,” implying that much time has passed since the events. There is awe of nature (the “beautiful things” are the creek and the trees), emphasis on the importance of imagination (your dad is mad because the house is haunted), and a celebration of the individual (“just like a folk song, our love will be passed on,” where the love is the individual she speaks of). This is the dream that Swift wants to return to, and yet her characters already face conflict (the keeping of secrets, hiding in the closet, an angry father). She romanticizes her past into something she can escape into, creating a sort of mythos around an upset childhood.

Our next nature-intensive song is “invisible string.” She again makes a callback to childhood, citing a park where she used to read in Nashville. It would not be incorrect to categorize this as a love song, perhaps the most lighthearted one on the album. Swift emphasizes time and fate, both recurring themes in her discography. Like “seven,” “invisible string” draws attention to nature as a freeing and healing space, which sets the stage for her romance. Lines such as “gold were the leaves when I showed you around Centennial Park” draw attention to the ‘invisible’ connection the song depicts. In the bridge, she notes that there was “a string that pulled me / out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar,” implying a protection from the dangers of interpersonal conflict. Throughout the verses, mentions of any city stay tangential (“your first trip to LA… an American singer”) while the focus lies on her freedom. It is a dreamlike song, which implies that the city can be glimpsed but not detrimental, and showcases an utter belief in things working out.

It is, then, rather ironic that the final song with unique ties to the environment highlights an unanswered apology after the foundations of romance have been shocked. “betty” is ostensibly narrated by a teenager, James, who plans to make up for her mistake in a garden. This perspective ties into the album’s greater focus on time, in this instance equating innocence (“I don’t know anything”) with a natural setting (the garden, which is explicitly removed from society). At first, James wonders if Betty will allow an apology, but wants it to happen without anyone watching (“if I showed up at your party… would you lead me to the garden”). She then casts this hope aside, dreaming about being able to broadcast her love to the world without fear of judgement (“will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends”). It is also, then, relevant that the relationship is ruined when scrutinized (“rumours from Inez”). When considering how themes of secrecy and hiding come into the picture once the narrative travels to the city, it is interesting to look at how the hope of an public relationship prevails here. But in the end, James still dreams of going back to any relationship with Betty, no matter how private (“kissing in my car again”). Of course, Taylor Swift herself is James, and James is Swift, so we know that the secrecy dooms the relationship in the end.

the romance (august, illicit affairs) “august” describes a doomed relationship, perhaps meant to be the affair James has that prompts her apology to Betty. However, the story of a love that was never built to last has been referenced multiple times in Swift’s discography (“Wildest Dreams” and “Getaway Car”) and even expressly linked to summer on 2019’s “Cruel Summer.” These songs show distinct lyrical similarities to “august.” Hence, I feel comfortable describing this song in the context of those, rather than within the storyline of Swift’s fictitious love triangle. (Which is flimsy as it stands, but that’s for another analysis.) While there is no set location, this song describes one kind of coming-of-age (“whispers of are you sure”) and delves into the hope associated with a short-lived romance. Here, there is no secrecy to speak of, but a fear of what will come when a return to society comes (“will you call when you’re back at school”). My contrast for this song is saying it is “Cruel Summer” without the ‘happy’ ending. There is a privacy here (“meet me behind the mall”) but it is the instability of the romance that dooms it (“you weren’t mine to lose”). “august” is a time capsule, a reflection on the love that always would’ve ended regardless of the locale.

The next song, “illicit affairs,” is another one that ‘visits’ the city (for lack of a better term) but places the primary conflict in a largely undetermined setting. In fact, there seems to be a rejection of the urban (“take the road less traveled by”). In the sorting of tracks as they relate to different sub-themes, “illicit affairs” is the first song that says, without preamble, that secrecy is the death of love. While the word ‘illicit’ simply means forbidden, the verses describe sneaking around in a way that has been attributed to cheating since album release. There is virtually no acknowledgement of another character outside of the two lovers, save for the ‘him’ referenced in the perfume line. But it is not this person that the narrator seeks to hide from, it seems to be almost everyone. It could be construed as a song about adultery, but taken in the context of the rest of the album it reads as a lament for having to hide a relationship (most likely a romantic one between two women, but this is extrapolation).

the city (the last great american dynasty, mirrorball, mad woman) Now we approach the slew of songs that deal with the actual location of the city. The first song is “the last great american dynasty,” which seems the most removed from Taylor’s viewpoint and yet involves her directly (“and then it was bought by me”). We get an actual move to the ‘city’ (“Rebekah rode up on the afternoon train”) which is reminiscent of Swift’s own move to New York in 2014. Rebekah is immediately disliked by the people around her, blamed for her husband’s death to the extent where she flies in “bitch pack friends.” (1) Keeping with the theme of folklore’s similarity to a time capsule, one could see this song as Swift retelling her own purchase of Holiday House (and by extension much of the events from 2014/2015) through the lens of someone else’s life. Indeed, part of this theory is directly corroborated by the song through the lines “then it was bought by me” and “I had a marvellous time ruining everything.” In relation to the conflict between secrecy and survival of love, “the last great american dynasty” does not offer much insight. However, it effectively sets the scene for songs to come.

(1): I don’t know anything about Rebekah Harkness’ life, this is just how I interpreted the song.

After the initial move, “mirrorball” establishes the new dynamic between the lovers. In turn, it introduces the performative nature of romance in the city (which is referred to and combatted with the line “all these people think love’s for show / but I would die for you in secret” from “peace”). Swift expresses interest in a lover who is “not like the regulars,” who wants more than to watch her turmoil. Still, this song finds her drawn into the nature of performing, consistently showcasing her tragedy to let others see themselves to the extent where she cannot even let her guard down when “no one is around.” Even after the circus has been called off, she seems to have entirely integrated with the role of the mirrorball. This provides some introspection on her viewpoint: digging into insecurities under the viewpoint of desperately trying to save a sinking ship. Almost as a counterpart to “seven,” the lyrics to “mirrorball” show some characteristics of modernism. Individualism is represented through the focus on the person who is the mirrorball, while unrelated characters do not warrant much elaboration. In terms of formalism and experimentation, the format and structure of the song deviate from Swift’s usual manner. The concept of a person being a mirrorball (shown in the music video as a disco ball) is both a symbol and verges into the absurd. All the imagery in this track is based in large crowds; featuring a disco, a circus, and masquerade revelers. It both establishes the setting where love dies and assures that the relationship will end (“the end is near”).

“mad woman” is the final song which establishes setting more than storyline. It proves the city as a angry and dangerous place, one that is not sympathetic to “people like” Swift. We find her contemplating revenge on someone who has done her a great wrong, which is less attached to the general storyline but serves to depict the setting as actively hostile and worthy of contempt. When compared with other tracks, certain lyrics imply that the narrator is hell-bent on getting the last word (“they say move on but you know I won’t” / “you know I left a part of me back in New York”). There isn’t much else notable about this song in terms of what we are talking about, but it does frame several absurdist tendencies in the context of a destructive setting.

the death (cardigan, exile, my tears ricochet, epiphany) In “cardigan,” Swift reminisces on a long-past relationship, which has been interpreted to be James and Betty’s teenage melodrama. This is the first of many breakup songs, which idolize what has passed and mourn the loss. We observe many signs of the city (“chasing shadows in the grocery line”) and individualism (“I knew everything when I was young”). As referenced in “betty,” the cardigan becomes a symbol for the relationship at large. Moreso, the idea that the relationship was cursed to end as it begun is elaborated on here (“I knew you tried to change the ending”) even if it is not ascribed to secrecy yet. In reflecting on Swift’s past work, we see many signs of her being accustomed to this thought (“I can see the end as it begins” from Wildest Dreams and “I knew (...) we were cursed” from Getaway Car), but “cardigan” comes across with deeper pain regarding the whole affair. In tying different lyrics together (“back when I was living for the hope of it all” from “august” and “I hope I never lose you” from Cornelia Street), we begin to paint a picture of the true narrative behind the love triangle. Swift knew her greatest love would end—desperately hoped it wouldn’t, prayed they could ‘get away with it’—and finally channels her anger and sorrow into this retrospective. She almost accepts it: love dies in the city.

Another reflection on a past relationship is folklore’s only duet; “exile.” This song discusses an inability to communicate, the concept of determined endings (“I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending”), and plenty of ‘hiding in the city’ imagery. This sees one narrator (Swift) faking a relationship (“just your understudy”) to hide her true lover (in this context, Iver). Both agree on various facets that caused fallout (“didn't even hear me out... never learned to read your mind… couldn’t turn things around”) until the final disagreement (“you never gave a warning sign / I gave so many signs”). So while the song is fundamentally about a miscommunication, it is evident that much of the misunderstanding comes from ways of signalling the secret relationship. Presence of the city is acknowledged through lyrics such as “I’m leaving out the side door,” “out here in the hall,” implying that the narrators share an apartment. Nature also gets a brief mention here (“breaking branches”), but this usage explains that the freedom of the narrators is fading, just like their connection to the natural.

Most do not connect “my tears ricochet” to romantic fallout, but there is no denying that the song hinges around prominent death metaphors. Many metaphors used imply that the narrator has broken up with their lover, but still haunts the hope of what could’ve been. In the line “we gather stones, some to throw, some to make a diamond ring,” a connection to marriage is implied, divorcing the meaning from the loss of Swift’s masters. A crowd of people is repeatedly referenced (the ones in a sunlit room, for instance) and the lover must “save face” in front of them. This external pressure contributes to the greater theme of death of love in the city, which Swift equates to her own death. She describes herself as a recalcitrant ghost (“you know I didn’t want to have to haunt you”) but one her lover must have around (“when you can’t sleep at night, you hear my stolen lullabies”). This song is another one that recognizes Taylor Swift the writer within the lyrics; within this interpretation the “stolen lullabies” are the songs that the ex-lover inspired, work she can no longer look proudly on. While no explicit connections to the city are formed, it is obvious that some external pressure resulted in a damning betrayal, which was painful enough to describe as death.

The final song in this death theme is “epiphany,” which does not discuss the romantic timeline at all. Instead, “epiphany” is the culmination of two sub-motifs on folklore: water and war. In nature, water gains a passing mention in “seven,” but does not truly become relevant in this organization until “the last great american dynasty.” In “epiphany,” the water reference is “crawling up the beaches now,” which serves to distance it from the overall storyline. The song also deals with the war motif (evident in most of the songs, but “ease your rifle” is very literal) and contrasts soldiers at war to doctors during the pandemic. All of this builds on this section’s burgeoning theme of death. It fits in with the album theme, but does not display obvious modernist or romanticist hallmarks.

the chance (the 1, this is me trying, peace) Opening the album is “the 1,” a frequently disliked song but a very telling one. It is similar to “cardigan” in that it reminisces on a past relationship, but the narrator feigns contentment with her current situation. If all of folklore can be considered a time capsule, “the 1” perhaps describes the headspace of the narrator before they begin reminiscing: convinced they are alright, but not holding up very well. This song involves much city imagery (“I hit the Sunday matinee,” “I thought I saw you at the bus stop”) and deals with the aftermath of many events in the album. It is interesting that this song was one of the last written, as one can imagine the narrator went directly from “it would’ve been fun” to “don’t want no other shade of blue but you” (as described in hoax). The love has died here; but there’s a desperate hope to return (“if one thing had been different, would everything be different”).

Much like “betty,” “this is me trying” is another last-ditch attempt to save a failed relationship. Both songs find Swift in a doorway, ready to apologize, but “this is me trying” bears the weight of experience and less expectation that they will have a second chance. The increased maturity finds acknowledgement of faults without excuse (“my words shoot to kill when I’m mad / I have a lot of regrets about that”) and an attempt to come to terms with the death of the relationship despite pain. This, of course, breaks apart in the bridge (“all I want is you”) but, as Swift consoles herself, at least she’s trying. Setting-wise, this seems to be in a smaller locale (“the one screen in my town”) which calls to mind the “the only thing we share is this small town” from “Death By A Thousand Cuts.” There is also what appears to be a bar (“pouring my heart out to a stranger / but I didn’t pour the whiskey”) and an influx of people (“it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound”). It is not necessarily the city, but rather a recovery period that does not go well.

If the painful instruction of “illicit affairs” acts as a foil to 2014’s “How You Get The Girl,” then the anxiety of “peace” complements 2017’s “Delicate.” While “Delicate” expresses the sufferance of an early, undefined relationship (“is it cool that I said all that”), “peace” begs the lover to reconsider the end one last time. As “hoax” makes undoubtedly clear, it wasn’t enough. We see the dangers of outside influence (“I’d sit with you in the trenches”) and the strength of the romance (“the silence that only comes when two people understand each other”). It is a final plea for someone to stay, a list of the success and a fatal acknowledgement of the worst. There is a declaration that sums up much of the album: “all these people think love’s for show / but I would die for you in secret.” As we’ve seen from other songs, it is the secrecy and the hiding that has doomed them. Swift sees this, she briefly suggests a return to the free and safe woods (“give you my wild”) but is ultimately stuck on the question of peace, which she wishes she could give her partner.

the return (hoax, the lakes) The original album closer, “hoax,” finds Swift leaving a part of herself in the destructive city that has become home. She makes an attempt to return to her home, only to find that it is not the way she’s left it (“my barren land”). With her lover, she has gone through a journey that changed her too much to return to innocence (“I can go anywhere I want, just not home” from “my tears ricochet” contrasted with “you’re not my homeland anymore” from “exile,” where the lover becomes the homeland). She turns to a bleak setting, using sparse lyricism and simple constructs to describe her pain and betrayal. While Lover highlights themes of likening one’s love to a religion, the Swift we see on “hoax” has given up on any sort of healing coming from her romance. All she acknowledges is that the circumstances of her love have “broken her down” and “frozen the ground” (from which she hopes a “red rose” will emerge in “the lakes”).

In “the lakes,” Swift tries to move forward but still sets her sights on the natural world, citing a deep desire to escape the scrutiny that destroyed her romance completely. This is a call to action for her former lover, a final request for shared freedom that reminds the listener of the lyric “would you run away with me?” from 2017’s “Call It What You Want.” Swift continues to call on aspects of romanticism she’s referenced on reputation and Lover to make her point. It then tracks that she has been inspired by this muse all along, and is finally asking for a return; both to the early romanticism her albums are built on and to her lover’s “homeland.” Her desire for a new home is evident, her conviction that her former lover should join her too great to be overcome.

The response of the muse to this, of course, is unclear.

#arden speaks #my analysis #taylor swift analysis #this is more than three thousand words #arden's essays

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bookofmormonmemes · 4 years

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I don't think comp het would be strong enough to lead Corianton to seek out a female harlot when he could have easily Not Done That and spared himself and his family and his church the embarrassment. What else could he possibly have hoped to gain from that decision besides satisfying the lusts of his eyes? I mean, Alma clearly thought that Corianton's horniness was the main problem and there's no evidence to the contrary. Why out of Alma's sons would you think Corianton is gay?

honestly? projection. like not to get personal but comp het was strong enough scare the hell out of my parents with how quickly and intensely physical my relationship with my boyfriend got in my freshman year of college. I’m an afab person and I am not attracted to boys, but for a while I thought maybe it was just because I wasn’t trying hard enough--wasn’t opening up enough, wasn’t letting myself enjoy his affection. At this time, I was still operating under the viewpoint that marrying a man was the only way for me to ever be happy, in this life or the next. If I could endure my discomfort long enough to eventually accept and actually enjoy our physical relationship, that meant that i Could have a happy heterosexual marriage in the future

and i tried to speedrun it! i went way outside my comfort zone, definitely way outside the For the Strength of Youth guidelines--because the alternative was, if I couldn’t force myself to feel something for him, then i would Never have that happiness. If I Could eventually become attracted to him, then I had a future. I could repent of this unchastity and try again. if i Couldn’t, that was it--I was fully a lesbian and my only choices were either celibacy or apostasy.

(i don’t feel that way anymore. this boy and I broke up after like 4 months. im v happy with the girlfriend I have now and I think our relationship and the affection between us has progressed much more naturally and comfortably and im very grateful for that.)

I think it’s entirely possible Corianton could have had those same (or similar) feelings. Alma specifies that Corianton is in his youth, so I think he might have been just starting to realize he’s different, and didn’t know what to do when confronted with the possibility that he might not like women. So he goes after a harlot, someone who’s already stolen away the hearts of many, someone with enough celebrity for Alma to call her out by name. It’s like when you ask a closeted lesbian her celebrity crush and she just says Chris (Chris Evans? Chris Pine? Just whoever’s most popular, whoever everybody else has a crush on!). Because if he can really feel that lust for Isabel, then afterwards he can repent and find a Good Mormon Nephite Girl to actually fall in love with. If he can’t manage any attraction to Siron’s Top Sexiest Bachelorette, he’s done for. It’s a last-ditch effort to fit the mold.

And it doesn’t work. He comes home, having embarrassed his family and his church, and he sits down for a lecture and he is Not Having A Good Time. Which...I think may be the reason Alma perceives that Corianton’s so worried about mortality and the afterlife. After falling so far and failing so bad, Corianton may have very well been suicidal at this point. If he doesn’t have any hope of Hetero Happiness in this life, maybe his only shot is in the next.

So in the end of chapter 41, Alma talks about resurrection and restoration in a way that I think is pretty key to this interpretation. Every queer member of the Church has heard that they’ll be “fixed” (i.e. made straight/cis) in the Resurrection, but Alma refutes that in this section so hard and so explicitly. In verse 12-13: “Is the meaning of the word restoration to take a thing of a natural state and put it in an unnatural state, or to place it in a state opposite to its nature? O, my son, this is not the case; but the meaning of the word restoration is to bring back again evil for evil...good for that which is good.” Whether good or bad, Corianton isn’t gonna be changed in the Resurrection; he’s not gonna be a different person, he’s not gonna be rid of what he perceives as being wrong with him. That might be a comfort. It might not. But it’s the truth.

In the next chapter Alma goes on to specify that this life is the time to fix what we’ve done wrong. And specifically, that we can fix what we’ve done wrong. And also that that’s not necessarily a get-out-of-jail-free card! Corianton should NOT have abandoned his mission to go after Isabel, regardless of his reasons. And he’s not gonna change his nature in the next life. So right now, he needs to repent. He needs to accept his nature. He does have hope, and he has that hope of happiness in goodness, in treating others with truth and mercy and service.

Alma closes chapter 41 not with a call to be more virtuous or pure, but to be merciful and just with his brethren and to do good--focusing not on how righteous we are in our own selves, but how we treat one another. Finally, he closes chapter 42 (and his talk to corianton in general) similarly: “Go thy way, declare the word with truth and soberness, that thou mayest bring souls unto repentance, that the great plan of mercy my have claim upon them.” Basically: you screwed up, kiddo, but I love you and I believe in you and you’ve got good work to do. Don’t worry. Be kind. Keep determined. Find joy in community. You have hope.

also when all is said and done corianton goes on the cool sailing pilgrimage with hagoth & co. which is Very Gay if i may say

So. Do I think Corianton was gay, and do I think I have good reason for that? Yes. Do I think he was out to his dad, or that Alma would have been supportive, or that Nephite society would have the same homophobia and heteronormativity as the Church today? I don’t know. I’m more of an artist than a scholar--I interpret based on how I feel. I liken the scriptures to myself. This is the evidence I see, this is the story I feel is behind it, this is the eisegesis I’m choosing to take from it. Because it speaks to me, and I relate to it!

I hope this has been a thoughtful adequate answer, but to really tl;dr it basically he’s gay cus im gay and i said so, and that’s really all there needs to be to it! Thank you for sending me this ask and thereby allowing me the space to really study and wax long-winded about this jsdfghjdjfg. gay sailor rights and i hope u have a lovely sunday

#led #ask #anonymous #THIS IS A LONG ONE FOLKS #alma 39-42 #and also a brief mention of #alma 63:5-10 #gay sailor RIGHTS #lemme know if i need to put any warnings on this cus its a little heavy but #also lemme know if i should split it into a keep readin sdfgdhfgj #stead of just. fillin ur dash #im leaving it as is for now but yeah #yeah.#also if anyone tries to call me out for saying im not attracted to boys while thirsting over podcast and anime boys on my main #fictional characters don't count #and i will die by that sword

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tloujm · 4 years

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Part VI: Future Days

Author’s Notes: My favorite chapter because Joel freaking playing the guitar! and singing? Ughh! Timewise, a year has passed since Part V so the season is back to fall/autumn.

Genre: Is it fluff or is it angst? Both?

Summary: After the break up, you had no desire to see or speak to Joel. You became close to your new friends and moved out on your own. Joel couldn’t take how much he missed you, so he came over to serenade you. Needless to say, it messed with your feelings. Despite that, there were still unsettled matters between the two of you and that meant having a grown up discussion with him.

Ship: Joel x Reader

For a year, you avoided Joel like the plague. In turn, things became awkward with Tommy and Maria. You only spoke to them when it came to official settlement business. When Joel had told Tommy about everything, the younger brother promised to keep the secret. Maria, however, guilted it out of him. As a result, she felt sympathy toward you. Still, you kept your distance. You became close with a group of people who you began patrolling with after switching shifts. You also started taking shifts in the main watchtower.

No one in Jackson other than Joel, Tommy and Maria knew you were immune, so even your closest friends didn’t know the depth of why you and Joel broke up. The two of you always seemed like an odd match on paper, but in real life, had a way of complimenting each other, which caused townsfolk to envy your relationship. At some point, you got your own place and moved out of your friend’s. You loved Jackson and the people within it, but almost everything tied back to Joel there and you wanted to free your mind of him. You so much as contemplated moving outside the walls of Jackson and living on a farm. It was a conflicting thought because you promised him that you would stay if he told the truth.

One night, you were relaxing in your new home after a long day. The music was playing from an old boombox and you were mindlessly drawing in your notebook. A knock on the door was heard. You told them that they could come in. You knew everyone in Jackson and trusted them in your home. You didn’t, however, expect Joel to come in. You looked him up and down. The first thing that drew you was his hair. It was longer. You noticed that he’d been growing it out as the months got colder. Now that he was in front of you, you could see that it was slightly grayer as well. He was wearing a worn out, olive green button down. It was tucked into his equally worn out jeans. He looked so tired.

“Hey.” You said awkwardly.

“Hey.” Joel repeated in that gravelly yet soft voice only he had.

“What’s up, Joel?” You finally asked after silence had sat in the air for a moment. He fiddled with a piece of decor that he recognized from your shared house.

“Tommy and I went riding the other day and he, uh,” He let out a light chuckle. “He told me a joke and I...I thought about you. It’s um....” He looked off into the distance trying to remember. “Oh shoot, now I done forgot it. Uh...somethin’ about a clock.” He was frustrated at his lack of memory. You could tell he was nervous. He should be, you thought to yourself.

“You came by to tell me a joke?” You asked. He looked up at you with doe eyes. You weren’t sure if he was going to say something, but you decided to speak up anyway. “It’s pretty late, Joel.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. I’m gonna get outta your hair. I just um…” He looked behind him at the door. “I wanna...wanna show you somethin’. Just gimme a second.” He ran out the door. You closed your notebook for the night.

You heard the door open again, so you looked back up. “What’s this?”

“Some folks call this thing here a gee-tar.” He walked in holding the stringed instrument. He knew your question was sarcastic, but he still played into it. Immediately, you noticed that it looked different from the one he found a while back.

“Is that the one you’d been building?” You asked with genuine curiosity.

He nodded. “Mmmhmmm.” It was beautiful. You contemplated telling him that. Emotions started to flood as memories of watching him work on it came to mind. It took all you had to push them to the side so he wouldn’t see. “You wanna hear somethin’?” He looked to you.

“Okay.” You said barely loud enough for him to hear.

“Okay.” He repeated with feigned confidence. He sat down on the couch across from the armchair you were in. “Promise me that you won’t laugh.” You thought it was a rhetorical request and that he was just going to start playing, but he paused and looked up at you. His eyes locked with yours for the first time in God knows how long. Waiting for a reply, you silently drew a cross on over your heart. “I’m trustin’ you.” He mumbled before pulling his gaze down to the metal strings between his fingers. He took a deep breath then started playing. “If I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself.” When he began to sing, you were taken aback. Despite sharing his dreams with you, he had never shared his actual singing voice. “Everything I have found here, I’ve not found by myself. Try and sometimes you’ll succeed to make this man of me. All of my stolen, missing parts, I’ve no need for anymore. ‘Cause I believe and I believe ‘cause I can see. Our future days. Days of you and me.” His voice was low and velvety. It wasn’t perfect, but it was raw and it appealed to you. The lyrics hit home with every word he sang. You could hear the emotion in his voice and it plucked at your heart strings. The emotional memories began to flood back and this time you couldn’t stop it. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you noticed that he was playing with his eyes closed. He finished the verse and strummed a few more chords before letting the strings settle. “Well, there you go.” He looked up, but not quite at you, focusing somewhere on your shirt. You were grateful for this because your face was completely wet with tears at that point. You had the sudden impulse to run over and just attach yourself to him. In your mind, you imagined a weaker version of yourself knocking him over with your embrace; your legs straddling his waist, your arms around his neck, your mouth next to his ear. You imagined a weaker self making up with him right then and there on your couch where he sat. Instead, you continued to sit across from him. You breathed in with a sniffle, causing him to actually look at you.

“Joel,” You breathed his name. He watched you with eager eyes, hungry for your next words. “That didn’t suck.” You finally said with a soft smile.

He breathed out a laugh. “I’ll take what I can get.” He ran his hand across the guitar before holding it out for you to take. “She’s yours.”

“No,” You protested. “I can’t! This is your baby.” He opened his mouth to speak but held his tongue to ponder. He propped the guitar up against the wall. “I promised I would teach you how to play.”

“You did.” You almost whispered. He gazed down at you with loving eyes.

“So what do you say, tomorrow night? First lesson?” He knew it might be too soon after he just poured his heart out to you, but he couldn’t help but take a chance.

“I have a long day tomorrow actually. Then the day after that, I’m covering Wendy at the daycare.” You told him sorrowfully. It was the truth; you liked to keep busy. Part of you was ok with that, though, because you didn’t know if you could handle seeing him again so soon. Being so close to him so soon.

“Oh.” He began. “Maybe another time then.” You nodded your head.

“Hey,” You caught him before he left. He turned around in the doorway to face you again. “Did you remember the joke?” He leaned against the door frame and smiled, happy that he got to stay a little longer. He remembered the joke alright, but pretended to think as a way to stay in your presence longer.

He feigned an aha moment. “What is the downside to eating a clock?” You looked off in the distance to genuinely think of an answer before shrugging. “It’s time consuming.” He said with a twang of charm in his voice.

You chuckled. You always found corny dad jokes funny. “That’s so dumb.”

“Yeah.” He mumbled while gazing at you.

You let him for a moment longer before breaking the silence. “Goodnight.”

He grabbed the door knob. “G’night, (Y/N). You gave him a tight lined smile and watched as he closed the door behind him.

After almost a month of rescheduling with him, you decided to give him a visit. It had to be without your new guitar this time. You couldn’t move on and do frivolous things with him without having a grown up talk first. You hadn’t realized how much time went by since the ultimatum until he came to visit. You hadn’t meant for so much time to go by, but the healing did not come as soon as expected. Everyday felt the same; no moving forward from what he did.

One evening, you mustered up the courage to have that talk. You found him strumming away on the porch. Quietly, you walked up the wooden stairs in an attempt to not disturb the melodic tune. As soon as you entered his peripheral, he stopped playing.

“Hey.” Joel spoke softly. He sat down the guitar and focused on you.

“Hey.” You greeted back. You walked up to the front of the porch and leaned up against the wooden railing. He followed suit. You watched him pick up a mug. “What are you drinking?”

“Coffee.” He looked down at the dark liquid. “Not the one you got me for my birthday. A little embarrassed as to what I had to do to get this, but, ” He shrugged, trying to lighten the mood. “It's not bad.” Joel tried to ration the jar of coffee beans that you gave him, but the break up stressed him out which led him to find comfort in frequent cups of coffee.

“I need you to stop harassing Jesse about my patrols. I do just fine with the group I’m with.” You blurted out. Before Joel visited you that night, Jesse mentioned in passing how Joel would ask him a ton of questions about you and your patrols.

“Okay.” He agreed before pausing. “Y’all are close, huh.” He took a sip of his drink.

“Who? Jesse and me?”

“I hear the way he talks about you.” You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “I have a pretty keen eye for these sorts of things.” He said with a hint of humor in his voice to mask the pain.

“Well, you must be going blind.”

“I am really old.”

“Joel,” You sighed. “No, you’re not.” You said seriously.

“Jesse is closer to your age---” He tried to reason.

“Joel,”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you two were...Look, I don’t know what his intentions are, but I do know that he would be damn lucky to have you.”

“We’re not together.” You said before pausing. “You’re such an asshole! I was supposed to die in that fucking hospital!”

“I’m not trying to---” He tried to speak up.

“My life would have fucking mattered, but you took that from me!” You let out a breath to calm your boiling blood. You turned to Joel as he stood up straight.

“If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment,” He turned to look directly at you. Your eyes scanned his for any trace of remorse. “I would do it all over again.” Joel emphasized each word with a level of intensity. He gave you his famous glare to drive home his point. You looked away from him and thought about what he just confessed to you. “Those Fireflies refused to let me see you after I woke up in one of their hospital beds. I snuck through the hospital trying to find you. I ended up in the office of the doctor that was going to kill you. Files were opened on his desk. I looked through them.” Joel shook his head before leaning against the railing again. “They died, (Y/N). All the other people that they experimented on died. No, they weren’t immune; you were the only one. But, (Y/N), I have a feeling those folks didn’t choose to be there on their own. What I do know for sure was that nothing ever came of their deaths. They weren’t going to get any closer to a cure or vaccine with you than they were with any of the others.” His confident demeanor began to falter as he took in a shaky breath.

“Then what happened?”

“I found you right before they were going to operate and I got us out of there.”

“The ‘Joel’ fashioned way, right?” You asked, in an attempt to make him feel remorse.

“I’m sorry that I lied to you, but I’m not sorry for what I did. All I wanted to do was protect you and they would have come back to kill you if I hadn’t.”

You caught yourself before you started to cry. “I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that. Any of it.” You looked at him only for a moment before tears began to fall down your face. You looked away. He couldn’t bring himself to look at you either. “God.” You mumbled, deep in thought. “But I would like to try.”

Joel let out a shaky breath as if he was about to cry too. “I’d like that.”

“Okay. I’ll see you around.”

“Yep.” He responded with a lump in his throat. You could hear it in the way his voice cracked. You never heard his voice break like that before. Your heart ached as you walked down the wooden steps.

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