tloujm

[tloujm]

Part XXXVIII: Ellie’s Chapter 

Author's Notes: I should be more organized as a writer because, especially after taking a long hiatus, the timeline of things can get hazy for me. Like what time of year the chapter is in for describing the setting or like Ellie's age. I originally wanted Ellie to come onto the scene in this story as younger than in the video game since this story wasn't canonical from the start. I wanted the open, extroverted personality that we saw in teenage Ellie from TLOU I to come after she got fully comfortable with the Millers, so essentially I planned for her to grow into teenagehood in Jackson. To maintain continuity, I believe she should be about 13 yrs old at this point which I believe aligns with the DLC that includes her and Riley's story.

Summary: Ellie bonds with you and Joel and later finds herself on a nighttime adventure

Genre: Fluff

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.6k

Ellie loved the space that you and Joel gave her. The three of you spent a lot of time together since her moving in. Even if you all weren’t doing something together, she really enjoyed just being in the same general space as you two. You grew to notice, outside of the hectic environment of the daycare, how clever and independent she was. Giving her this freedom allowed Ellie to open up more, giving you and Joel a glimpse into the kind of person she was before the trauma she faced prior to Jackson. 

Joel came home from a patrol meeting that Tommy tried to convince him was unnecessary to attend. The first thing he laid eyes on when entering the house was Ellie. Surprisingly, it did not take long for him to get used to her living with them. What surprised him was how easy it was to adjust to being outnumbered for the first time in decades. He couldn’t help but attribute that feeling of ease to flashbacks of his own daughter. It would flood him with emotions starting with warmth, then confusion then anger. Joel would try to stop himself from feeling too much before it got past the first phase. He didn’t want to end up lashing out and inflicting emotions onto her that she did not deserve. He figured one day he’d tell her everything about Sarah when the time was right. 

“Hey, Ellie.” Joel greeted her in passing. When she hadn’t responded by the time his shoes were off and jacket hung up, he was taken aback. “Whatcha doin’ over there, Ellie?” Still, there was no answer. His eyes finally stumbled upon you, reading a book in the corner of the living room. “Hey, darlin’.” “Hi!” You responded. Since the night your love life was reignited, you began missing him profusely. You were kind of embarrassed at how you waited for him to acknowledge you and otherwise paid no mind as to why Ellie was not answering him until he asked.  “What’s up with her?” Ellie’s back was to Joel. She was sitting at a desk facing the window. Only her leg was bouncing. Outside of that, she did not move.  You say nonchalantly, “She has her earbuds in. We went to the trading post this morning and she traded for a new cassette tape.” Joel grumbled as he walked up to give you a kiss. “She shouldn’t have ‘em—” “It’s not a big deal. She's smart, Joel.” “I know she's smart, but what if she’s all by herself in her room and someone tries to break in while she has the headphones on?” “She’s safe. I’m here all the time now.” “I know, but still, darlin’...I’m not sayin’ she can’t have ‘em, but just keep one in. I don’t want her to be caught off guard. Why’d you have to give ‘em to her anyway?” “Because she loves music. It’s helped her feel calm and she doesn’t want to bother us with the sound when she’s inside the house. Also, if you forgot, we have a baby on the way, so I’d call it a win-win.” She tried to lighten the mood but noticed the familiar scowl of overprotection was still there. “She won’t get too comfortable with them. She’s too smart for that.” Joel put his hands on his hip as his eyes bounced between the two of you. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He grumbled before walking up to the chair she was sitting in to kick the leg. 

“Oh!” Ellie exclaimed. “Didn’t mean to scare you; I tried callin’ you back there.” “Oh. What is it?” He shrugged and said nonchalantly. “Just wanted to say hi.”  “Hi, Joel.” After a moment of getting settled back into the house, he chose the armchair right next to yours. Before he could pull out his own book to get lost in, you gave Ellie an encouraging look. She spoke up. “Hey, um…do you wanna hear a joke?” “Why not.” He responded, trying to play it coom and hide his true enthusiam. “Do you know what’s not right?” “Left?” He answered with almost no hesitation. “Clearly, you’ve heard that one before.” “I ain’t new to the game, kiddo. I used to be known to crack a joke or two in my day.” He said proudly.  “When?” You asked. “Could’ve fooled me.” Ellie mumbled under her breath in the same sarcastic tone as you. “Yeah, I think you’re confusing yourself with Tommy.” You added. "He's the funny Miller brother." “Hey, hey, now. You don’t remember that clock joke I told you that made you fall back in love with me?” Joel smirked while you blushed. "Yeah but didn't Tommy tell you that one?" You chuckled. “Whoa, wait. You two weren’t always together?” “No.” You simply stated. “It’s complicated.” Joel added, seeing how Ellie looked expectantly at him. “Well, what happened?” Ellie asked with the widest eyes you’d seen on her since climbing the dinosaur statue. Joel coughed and readjusted himself in the chair. “It’s uhh…It's a long story. And not one for kids either.” To that day, he never regretted how things went down because he got what he wanted, which was to protect and have you, but that didn’t make him any less self aware as to how others who weren’t there would perceive him, especially a child. He didn’t want Ellie to think poorly of him or, more importantly, feel like she was unsafe around him. “I may not be an adult, but I’m not a kid either. I’ll understand.”  “Ellie, he’s right but we’ll tell you the story one day soon enough.” “Promise?” Before you could answer, Joel spoke up. “What’s important is that we’re together now and it’s staying that way.” Joel reached over and took your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over it. You smiled. “Can you at least tell me the clock joke that made you make-up anyway?” Ellie curiously asked. You looked expectantly at Joel to recite it. He sighed, still in the mood to move on from the dark memory of being broken up. “What is the downside to eatin’ a clock?” “Hmmm….what?”

“It’s time consuming.” You finished before he could. Joel looked at you in awe for remembering. It was something little but it meant a lot to him. He could still feel the pit in his stomach from how nervous he was to even talk to you that day.  Ellie chuckled. “That’s a good one actually.” “I thought it was corny but luckily for him I like corny.” You teased. “Ha ha, you know you loved it.” Joel mumbled sarcastically. “Got another joke in that brain of yours?” “I actually got it from this joke book a girl named Riley from school gave me. You know, I just saw a joke in there that I think would help you two stay together. It’s educational.” “Oh, Lord.” Joel sighed. “What is the leading cause of divorce in long-term marriages?” “Now, Ellie—” Joel began. “What’s the leading cause?” You asked for the answer.  “A stale-mate.” “That’s not educational, that’s awful.” Joel said. “You’re awful.” Ellie jokingly said under her breath. “Do you even understand what that means?” “Not really; doesn’t matter.” Having not lightened Joel’s mood like she’d hoped, Ellie quickly moved on to another page in the book. “Let me see…Oh! You wanna hear a joke about pizza?” “Sure.” “Nevermind, it’ll be too cheesy.” She busted out laughing almost before she could finish because she knew how bad it was. He let out a short chuckle “Terrible. Remind me to thank this Riley for giving you such a gift.”  “Well, here’s another…A book just fell onto my head. I only have myself to blame.” “I don’t get it.” He said.

“Oh wait! I said it wrong.” She chuckled. “Hold on, let me say it again.” She cleared her throat. “A book just fell onto my head. I only have my-shelf to blame.” You smirked at how playfully irritated Joel was looking by now. “You have any question/answer jokes in there like the first one you told me?” Joel practically begged. “Ok, here’s another one…what did the confederate soldiers use to eat off of?” “I don’t know. What?” “Civil ware” “Uh huh.” “Ok then, what did they use to drink with?” Joel just glared at her at this point, waiting for the answer. “Dixie cups.” Your eyes bounced back and forth between the two, waiting for a laugh or anything. Ellie seemed to have enough stubbornness in her to stare him down. “C’mon, Joel. You don’t think that’s funny? I thought you’d be able to relate?” “Why? ‘Cause I’m from the south?” “No..well I guess yeah, but mostly because you’re old.” “Oh shit.” You giggled as inconspicuously as you could, to which Joel responded with his famous glare. “Believe it or not, the Civil War was well before my time.” He grumbled. “I know, I know.” You could tell Ellie got a kick out of getting Joel’s uptight self riled up almost as much as you. 

The three of you spend the rest of the night in the living room talking and cracking jokes. At one point, you became suddenly conscious as to what was going on around you; everyone getting along as if they’d always been family. It felt so natural. Ellie wasn’t always this open; it was still a journey for her to surpass her past traumas and be a regular kid again but you could see her try. You learned that underneath it all, there was a sassy, sarcastic side to her. You learned that that was how she liked to process her reality.

Eventually, Joel stepped out to find a dvd at the library for an impromptu movie night while you and Ellie sliced potatoes for homemade chips. She settled onto the floor while you and Joel snuggled on the couch. She complained that Joel was hogging the bowl of chips. Joel complained that she was getting too many crumbs on the floor. You hadn’t realized how sloppily you were eating until Joel picked a chip that had fallen onto your bump and popped it into his mouth. 

Joel stretched his muscles as the credits rolled. “Think she’s asleep?” You reached over to get a better angle at her steady form. “I think so?” “Ellie.” He whispered loudly. He was tempted to throw a couch pillow at her to see if she was trying to fake him out like Sarah would do sometimes to get out of doing something, but she wasn’t her and he didn’t want to risk actually waking her up. “Guess so.” “Can’t believe she slept through all that action at the end.” You moved to get up but he stopped you. “Lemme get this dvd out of here ‘fore I forget about it.” Against his wishes, you hoisted yourself up, empty bowl in hand and walked toward the window.  “It’s snowing out.” “You didn’t need to get up.” “I would need to eventually get to bed.” “Is it really snowing out?” He walked over to you and peered out. “It’s comin’ down out there.” 

He sighed before turning his gaze to Ellie. Walking over, he bent down to wrap her arms around his neck. She leaned instinctively into him. He groaned, feeling it in his back as he picked her up. He thought against braving the cold to put her to bed in the garage. Instead, he carried her upstairs and laid her onto the couch in his craft room. You brought in some pillows and blankets as he watched her peacefully sleep by the doorway. He thought about what her background story was again, knowing her childhood was nowhere near as normal as Sarah’s. 

*******

Ellie jumped up at the sound of faint growling near her ear. Adrenaline kicked in, waking her out of her dream. Barely gathering her barings, Ellie worried if her worst fear was coming true. She’d been in the thick of it before, but had hoped it was all behind her since they let her into the settlement. The almost daily worry that she’d get bitten while she was wandering the country took a toll. What such luck that she’d get bit after living under the protection of the legendary Miller family. 

She went for the knife that he suggested she keep under her pillow when he gave her a tour of her new room. You were apprehensive about giving her a weapon because her trauma wasn’t yet fully resolved. She appreciated that he trusted her with one; he only agreed to it because she wasn’t sleeping inside the house itself. With the blade switched out in one hand, she felt around her neck with the other for any blood or bite marks as her eyes adjusted to the little light peeking through the windows. 

“Riley?” “Ow!" Ellie punched her arm. “What the hell! I thought I was bitten.” “I know, it was kind of funny.” “No it wasn’t. You don’t know what it’s like out there. You’ve only grown up here.” “Look, I’m sorry. I guess you’re right.” Riley’s eyes wandered down to the blade still out in Ellie’s hand. “But you’re not gonna kill me over it, are you?” “ 'course not…” Ellie shook her head as she put the knife back, still trying to root herself in reality. “Are we cool?” Riley asked genuinely. “Yeah…What are you doing here anyway?” “I want to go on an adventure. Want to come with?” “Riley, it's almost morning and I have school, then Joel is giving me riding lessons right after.” She watched as Riley walked around her room looking for something. “Did you hear me?” She tossed something Ellie’s way, barely catching it. “Just put some pants on and your coat and lets go. I promise it won’t take long. I just…I couldn't get to sleep tonight.” Ellie sighed “You promise? I don’t want to get in trouble with (Y/N) or Joel.” “When have I ever got you in trouble?” Riley asked halfway through the door. Ellie had to admit that whenever the two of them did anything together, they’d never gotten caught. But she'd also never snook out before. Riley wanted her to while she lived at the daycare, but sharing a room with so many other kids made it impossible for her to even try. 

In Jackson, there was never a curfew, but it was expected for people under a certain age to be inside after dark. The only places that really had people at all were the guard towers and The Watering Hole. Not wanting this to get back to Joel, she made sure to stay out of sight and dip into the shadows, pulling Riley with her, if anyone was walking by. 

“Where are we going anyway?” Ellie asked. “Nowhere in particular. I just wanted to take a walk until I got tired. I generally do this by myself but wanted company tonight.” “Where’s the adventure in that?” “I had to make it sound enticing to you. Besides, we might just discover something not meant for our eyes and it'd be cool to have a secret just between us, wouldn't it?” “Yeah, I suppose. You can’t sleep at night often?” Riley shook her head. “No, but let's talk about something else.” “Like what?” Ellie asked.  “Where did you come from?” “I'm pretty sure I was born in a quarantine zone in former Utah” “I didn’t know there were any QZs left on the west coast.” “There aren’t any now. That was the last one. They got ambushed by a group of rebels from the inside. They didn’t want to replace FEDRA’s control; they just wanted to end it. The whole QZ turned into a war zone and everyone scattered. I didn’t know where to go.” “You were by yourself?” Riley asked in disbelief. Ellie nodded her head. “I don’t remember my parents. I only have a picture of my mom, but never met her. Maybe she died in childbirth. No one ever really told me anything. Me and the rest of the orphans were raised in military school.” “You were being trained to be a soldier?” Ellie nodded again. “Our main enemy were the Fireflies and a couple of smaller factions on the west coast. I didn’t know why we were meant to be fighting them, but FEDRA gave me a bed and prioritized us when food was rationed, so who was I to complain?” “My mom was a firefly.” Riley confessed. “What?” Ellie gazed at her for the first time in a while during their walk. “Obviously, she’s not anymore. She knows Joel’s brother, Tommy, too.” “Wait, what?” Ellie exclaimed, feeling like her world was getting smaller and smaller all of a sudden.

“My mom, Tommy and a handful of them left the fireflies because…well my mom told me that their beliefs were no longer the same and didn’t want to kill all willy nilly anymore; But that’s why they left the QZ to join them in the first place. By then, I was real little and the only kid apart of this runaway group. I barely remember that time of my life. I remember Tommy playing with me sometimes, probably trying to keep me calm or whatever. Apparently, he heard about Maria’s settlement through the grapevine. It was much smaller than it is now. He thought it would be a safe and unassuming enough place to raise a kid, so we made the trek there. Maria and her dad let us in. He fell in love with Maria and my mom fell in love with my dad, who had already settled there, and the rest is history.  “Wow. To think if things hadn’t changed and we’d stayed where we were—” Ellie began.

“We would be enemies.” Riley finished. They walked in silence for a few beats. “I’m glad we live in this universe where we’re not.” Ellie smiled and playfully nudged her shoulder. “You know,” Riley began to lighten the mood. “There’s this rumor that there is an unguarded gate on the east end of the settlement. First, they were short staffed of watch guards volunteers and then had to basically draft people to do it. It was the least active of all the directions because it faces the mountains, so people got bored and stopped showing up for their shifts. It's supposed to be kept locked, but we should be able to find a way past it. Rumor has it, your new mom—” “She’s not…I mean…I don’t know.” Ellie struggled. She didn’t know how she wanted to see (Y/N). Most days, you felt like an older sister and others you came off as more maternal, two things she had never experienced in her 12 years of life.  “Sorry. My dad has always felt like my dad, but I guess that's different because I was so little and remember almost nothing before him. Well according to the rumor, (Y/N) was able to sneak out through the east gate a few years back because it wasn't guarded then either.” “Nuh uh. Why would she need to sneak out? She could just tell them to open the main gate and leave whenever she wanted to.”

Riley shrugged. “Maybe she wanted to get away from Joel. He looks so intimidating. I’m sorry but I'll take Tommy over him any day.” “Looks can be deceiving; I learned that the hard way out there. Joel really isn’t all that bad.” Ellie shut down her claims by defending him, but her thoughts still lingered on why you would sneak out of an unoppressive settlement. She almost confided in Riley concerning what she learned earlier that day about your and Joel's breakup. “Well, It's all just hearsay. Who knows if that even really happened.” “What else do you know about her?” “I’ll tell you what I know if you go out with me.” Riley bargained. “Out there? Beyond the walls?” “We won’t go far. We’ll be back well before the sun comes up and no one will know that we were gone. That’s if the rumors were right and that we can make it past.” “You promise we'll be back soon?” Riley held out her pinky. “I promise.”

“What are you doing?” “Its called a pinky promise. My mom taught me this and we do it all the time, at least when she wants to make sure I won’t get into any trouble.” She chuckled. “It basically means that the promise is real and true.” Ellie understood but still stood there not knowing what to do. “Look,” She felt Riley gently grab her hand. “Stick your pinky out like me and we lock them together just…like…this. Then we both say ‘pinky promise’ to seal the deal.” “Ok. Pinky promise.”

Ellie and Riley bounced around from point to point like ninjas, deftly evading any lingering grownups, until they made it to the east gate. They cautiously scoped out the area for any on duty guards. Riley said “I told you so” after they both confirmed it was clear. There were only two ways out: to climb up and over the wall with a rope or pick the lock to the heavy metal door on the side. Neither one of the girls knew how to pick a lock, but after a good 5 or so minutes of trying and almost giving up, they succeeded. 

For the most part, they kept quiet, not wanting to attract any runners or clickers. Along the way, they picked up some bricks and a lead pipe for protection. Ellie had never left the walls of Jackson since she arrived over a year ago. While being outside the walls brought back memories and emotions, she kept them at bay to stay alert. She knew that she was more experienced than Riley and wouldn’t know what she’d do if she got hurt. 

“Hey Ellie, help me lift this.” Riley was crouched down near a steel I-beam. It was clear that she wanted to move it to use it as a makeshift bridge as they were met with a shallow but wide sink hole.  “Okay…” She wasn’t too enthused but gave it a try. It was heavier than they both thought and lifting it shifted all of the rubble on top. Following creaks and rumbles, it started to come crashing down. Scaring them, the two girls ran away to a safe distance. “I say let’s find another way.” “I agree.” Ellie replied.

They kept walking around until they found an abandoned building with a door barricaded from the inside and a busted out window up high. Riley volunteered to go through and find Ellie a way in. Once Ellie boosted her up, Riley yelled that she made it through fine. While scoping out the area to make sure infected weren't around, Ellie heard some scuffling as if something large and heavy was being dragged against the floor, then silence. She called out to Riley but not even crickets could be heard as it was too cold outside for them.

Ellie tried the door and this time it gave way. Walking inside, she was immediately greeted by a large green creature with a creepy grin on its face. It didn’t scare her in the least. There is nothing scarier than a bloater, she thought. As soon as she took a step further inside, Riley popped out of the shadows with a killer clown mask on and growled powerfully. 

Ellie playfully punched Riley in the arm for scaring her a second time that night. She had never seen a place like that before and questioned its purpose. Why were there so many plastic things made to look scary sitting on shelves? Riley pointed out a mask that Ellie attributed as half wolf, half man. There were drawings of spider webs on the walls and shelves behind actual cobwebs. Not all of the masks were scary, however. She found one of a green bird with a backwards hat on that she adored the silliness of. The two of them stayed a while and looked around, pocketing whatever little thing was of interest. 

“Come look at this.” Riley beckoned her over.  “‘Skele-seer: ask Skele-seer a question and shake for your fortune.’ Okay…” Ellie did as she was told. “Are we going to die today?” “Really?”  “Wouldn’t you want to know?” “Well what does it say?” “Um….” Ellie looked at the eyeballs on the skull and thought the answer would be revealed there, but alas. “Nothing.” “You gotta turn it over, genius.” Riley replied. “Oh! Well, it says ‘dreadfully unlikely’.” “Phew! What a relief.” They both laughed.  “Will I ever get good at riding a horse?” Ellie whispered to the skull then shook it vehemently. “‘I feel it in my bones’. Joel will be happy to hear that. Okay…let’s see…Am I ever getting boobs or what? ‘The spirits are quiet.’ Ugh, of course they are. Thank you so much, spirits.” “Hey, do you hear that?” Riley abruptly began walking toward another door. “Wait, Riley, I think we should head back. We're probably pushing our luck if we go any further.” She pivoted back to face Ellie. “You sure?” “Are you getting tired yet?” “I suppose by the time we make it back I will be.” She nudged her. “C’mon, let’s go.”

The two girls began back tracking their steps. It wasn’t long before a pit grew in Ellie’s stomach. Without a word, she signaled Riley to stop and listen. The screeches of Runners could be heard in the distance. Ellie saw the panic in her eyes but commended her on not acting out on it. Stealth was the name of the game as the two of them didn’t have ideal weapons. 

Unfortunately, the ledge of some scaffolding they were climbing up crumbled. Not only did the crash knock the wind out of them, but it attracted a fair sized group of infected. Riley was the first one up and immediately pulled Ellie onto her feet. With every ounce of energy that the adrenaline could give them, they ran. Ellie could feel her heart beating through her chest and wondered if Riley felt the same. Of course she is, she thought to herself, we’re about to die; the Skeleseer lied. 

After a little while of zigging and zagging through the night, Ellie realized that they’d lost them. That hadn’t stopped their legs from continuing on until they hit the east gate. Ellie and Riley felt like their bodies were about to explode now that, on the other side of the heavy metal door, they could rest. Ellie fell to her knees, huffing and puffing until the adrenaline began to subside. Riley slid her back against the now locked door, then rolled over to lay flat on the cold, hard ground.

Riley broke the silence. “You okay?” “Yeah…” Ellie replied, still out of breath. She decided to lay flat next to her. “You?” “Yeah, oh my God.” Riley laughed. “That was wild.” “You wanted an adventure.” “I’ll always remember this night.” She turned to look at her friend. “Thank you for coming out with me. I wouldn’t’ve without you.” “You definitely shouldn’t have done something like that without me.” Ellie turned to face her in return. She could see most of her face now that the dark sky was beginning to brighten. “You’ve been out there alone, though.” “I had no choice. I had nobody.” Riley slid out her hand. “I know, but...you have me now. I’ll always be here.” Ellie’s smile reached her eyes. “Pinky promise?” Sliding out her own hand, she stuck out her pinky. Riley locked her own in place and they stayed like that. “Pinky promise.” 

Once her body cooled down and the cold ground began to bother her, Ellie scooched over closer and closer to the girl that helped her escape the Runners. They held each other's gaze for a solid minute before chuckling again. Sounds of the jovial moment were broken by Ellie closing the gap between their lips. 

“Sorry.” Ellie said immediately after pulling back. Despite the apology, she couldn’t help the little grin that twitched at the corner of her mouth. Even if friendship would be all they’d have, she was proud of herself for going for it.  “For what?” Riley smiled even bigger.

Ellie could only count on one hand how many people in her life she felt comfortable around and was the happiest she’d been in a really long time to know that Riley was still one of them. 

[tloujm]

Part XXXVII: Your New Groove

Author' Note: Sooo....I saw the votes and firstly thank you to everyone who did! More people participated than I thought would and it made my heart full! I can only hope this new installment in the fic was worth the wait of almost two years later. If you haven't peeped the final results, posting the chapters one by one now beat out posting all at once later, so I WILL get them all edited and set up to post on a more frequent basis. Thank you for your ongoing patience, for sticking with me and I thank you in advance because where this story is about to head, now that I am locked into the final act of Joel and the reader's storyline, I'm interested to see what y'all think.

PS: I never wrote smut like this before and I haven't written smut in a WHILE in general. I was so nervous to post this.

PPS: Sorry for the delay. Just when I was ready to upload this yesterday, Tumblr wanted to give me technical difficulties. I don't know if that was the universe telling me not to post yet but I just waited until the website wasn't being temperamental with me again.

Genre: A little fluff to start, a buildup with angst and a roaring slide into smut town

Summary: There's a glimpse into your budding friendship with Theresa. You, Joel and Ellie prepare for new changes in your joint lives. You and Joel...ahem... bond as he attempts to give you relief during the last stages of pregnancy.

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Small mentions of "daddy", ABF/lactating kink, pregnancy sex

Word Count: 4.9k

“I’m sorry again about dinner the other night.” You started. “(Y/N), I mean it, It’s fine.” Theresa chuckled as you two took a walk around the block. She recommended these walks to induce labor sooner after you complained about being tired of the persistent pelvic pain. You would push through it to walk with Theresa and Saoirse to the pantry or daycare to pick up supplies on her way home. Theresa made sure that she bundled her up well as it had been particularly windy this winter. “I can’t believe I overcooked the venison. It's harder for them to hunt in the winter, so I really hate wasting food this time of year.” “It wasn’t a waste, we still ate it.” “It was tough and dry. It was more like jerky instead of a roast.” You pouted. “Can’t believe I forgot it in the oven. Joel was right to call me stubborn for not using the timer.” “They call that pregnancy brain. You can't help it.” She laughed comfortingly. “I had it too.” “I suppose that makes me feel a bit better.”

Earlier that week, Theresa was finally able to take Joel up on his offer to come over for dinner and finally be introduced to you in person. Before that, it had just been two weeks of talking on the ham radio. Your chats would only be a half hour tops since the stables, where the radio she used was located, was not as warm as her house. She told you once that she read before the fungal plague, it was common to have your baby take a nap outside in Sweden. Something about the brisk fresh air aided in good sleep. She took those trips as an opportunity to try it out, telling you about how bundling the little one up and parking her hand-me-downed stroller at the door of the stable worked like a charm. If the idea was odd to you as someone from the north-east, it surely would not sit right with Mr. Texas. 

You were surprised that she hadn’t brought her baby over for dinner. She didn’t say that she wouldn’t through the radio but once she showed up, she explained that she hardly ever had time away to just be an adult and not just a mom, so she found a babysitter. You and Joel understood that. He learned to believe that it truly took a village to raise a child and was lucky to have had as much help as he did as a teen dad.

Theresa blended into your life surprisingly well from the start, almost as if a kindred spirit. She made you feel so comfortable with the idea of motherhood and was very kind to Ellie. Joel always kept reservations about people in general, but you noticed nothing of real concern from him, especially after he noticed how much you’d begun opening up physically. He made a mental note to thank Wendy one of these days.

You even felt comfortable enough to talk to her about intimate things; things about your ever changing body and marital issues. You knew that Joel wouldn’t want you to share the latter, but you felt that those issues stemmed from a sense of low self esteem. Theresa had a way with words and it really seemed to get through to you better than anyone else. That was Joel’s goal, so he ultimately couldn’t be mad at that, you thought.

She became something like the sister-you-never-had and you couldn’t wait to formally meet her baby. You had yet to hold or so much as see her from being completely bundled up. You thought about yours and hers growing up together; imagining a more comfortable Ellie babysitting the two. The daydreams were a heartwarming glimpse into a life that you never imagined you’d have even before the fungal outbreak.

*********

With only a handful of weeks left in your pregnancy, Tommy started to reduce Joel’s shifts. Used to keeping active, he immediately felt weird about it, but overall knew that he wanted to be there for you. 

Recently, you entered your final phase of the pregnancy: nesting. Honestly, it did annoy Joel when he couldn’t find things. You’d constantly move them around claiming that it was not the perfect location or baby proofed. Joel couldn’t afford to properly baby proof his home when Sarah was born, but she never got seriously hurt, so he didn’t think too much about changing their home. He only imagined it a bit more messy with toys and such. Despite all of that, he admired your ingenuity as he watched you DIY padding for table corners. 

Joel found that this phase would annoy you too, but only when he was involved. He always seemed to be in your way and asked too often if you needed help. Ultimately, his solution was to do something outside of the house to give you some space. This is what started one of his biggest home projects to date.

Chicken pox broke out at the daycare which delayed Ellie moving in. Her initial response to the dinner where you asked if she wanted to live with you two was positive yet reserved, but by the end of the meal, Ellie showed how ecstatic she was to join the family. While she was still on the mends of sickness, Joel decided to finish his surprise for her so it could be ready once she was fully healed. 

A sigh of satisfaction left Joel’s mouth when he opened the door to the garage; the renovation was almost complete. You suggested to him that she might like to have the garage because she was a preteen currently sharing a room with 5 other girls and may want space. He argued that you were overcompensating and offering too much space as the garage was twice the size of the master. You rebutted, expressing fear that she may feel smothered if you two forced her to stay in the craft room which was right next door to them and the nursery. It was also slightly smaller than the nursery. Joel, on the other hand, was more than fine with packing up his woodworking things and moving it into the basement or garage to keep her close by. Besides, he knew that soon enough she would be a full fledged teen and was afraid of experiencing the rebellious teenage years that he only got a taste of with Sarah. He wasn't ready to catch any unexpected visitations of the male variety alone with her in the garage. 

Despite you two being the closest people to Ellie at the settlement, you knew that her moving in was a big, new transition in her life on top of the trauma that she was nowhere near finished processing. Their views on assuming what was best for her were too opposing to save her bedroom location as a surprise. They eventually decided to let Ellie choose where she wanted to stay on the property. 

Joel was proud of his handy work and hoped that she would like her new room. Seeing it set up as a living space again reminded him of when you lived there after you two moved to Jackson. He couldn’t help but decorate it based off of Sarah’s room as that was the only preteen girl he knew, but also made sure he scattered some stuff of Ellie’s around to make it feel familiar. While quarantined at the daycare, she worked to pack the rest of what she owned, which was not much. The memories of his daughter and your distance from him at the beginning mixed in with the room’s future use brought up bittersweet emotions.

He took a break from the garage to have lunch. The faint sound of your cries traveled down into the kitchen. It took only a few moments for it to hit Joel’s ears again as he stopped what he was doing to confirm it wasn't in his head. Immediately, his protective mode activated and he sprinted up the stairs to see what was wrong. 

You were standing in the ensuite bathroom with the door open. He found you topless, weeping in front of the mirror. His eyes immediately went to your chest as if it was his first time ever seeing a pair of breasts. He only ever gets to see yours lately in glimpses. They were larger with fresh stripes patterned across them. Your areolas were larger, darker and noticeably puffy. He cautiously approached you, surprised that you did not cover up or back away. You were genuinely at a loss and needed help. 

“Nothing’s working.” You sniffled. “What’s not working, darlin’?” He gently attempted to pull you into a hug. You hissed when your nipple barely scratched the fabric of his worn out sweatshirt. “’m sorry.” He whispered. “Baby, what’s wrong?” “They hurt so bad! I didn’t think this would happen already. Dr. Carson didn’t say that I would need to pump so early!” Your voice was laced with frustration. “The pressure was never this bad—” “Why didn’t you say anythin’?” “It was never this bad before; barely felt it. It would leak, so I put towels in my bra. The pressure would relieve itself and then build back up and leak again." Tears continued to stream down your face. "This morning though...they feel like they're going to explode right off my chest. They won't even leak. The pamphlet said that massaging them would ease the pain, so that’s what I did and it helped at first, but it came back. It said that the milk gets stuck if it just sits there. I'm trying to pump it out but the damn thing...” You sobbed. “What’d you mean stuck?” “Something in the milk causes it to harden.” You pouted. “The baby isn’t even here yet so I can’t breastfeed and I can’t figure out the fucking hand pump. It’s not fucking staying on and I…” You pointed to it laying on the tiled floor. “I kinda broke it and…and the pamphlet said that it would only get worse if I don’t get the milk out!” You cried out all at once. “It said my ducts could get completely clogged and that it could lead to fever and infection!” You leaned your head on his shoulder as you rambled and he rubbed his hands up and down your back. “It feels like fucking rocks are trying to come out; they're so fucking heavy!” Your tone became one of defeat. “I don’t know what else to do, Joel. I feel so bad; That was the doctor’s only pump.” You tuck your head into his chest and Mumble, “Just fucking cut them off of me. I don’t care anymore.” “Here, sit down for me, ok baby?” Joel guided you to the toilet. “Where’s the pamphlet?” Joel couldn’t help but find you adorable. Even though he knew you were in real pain, it reminded him of when you’d sometimes act out melodramatically to get his attention and it did always get his attention. “I’ve read through it all, front to back. I tried everything it told me to do. Hot towel compress, massage them…and I did it exactly as they said.” You responded as you pointed out the bathroom door into the bedroom. In large font, the front of the tri-fold read 'Breastfeeding 101'. Joel picked it up and returned to you. “Some came out earlier, but nothing now. I haven’t hated my boobs since high school when I first got stretch marks.” Joel chuckled lightly, thinking that you were making light of it yourself until he heard your sobs again. He came back into the bathroom with the pamphlet, reviewing it himself just in case you missed something.

“Umm…ok” Joel too was at a loss. He never encountered this issue with Sarah’s mom. He knew that she ultimately decided not to breastfeed, but if she had any issues with it, she didn’t share it with him. Despite their intimacy, she understandably shared most of her maternal struggles with her own mom. “Let’s try something new, alright? First, let’s get you comfortable.” “How am I supposed to get comfortable?” “You’re gonna lay down for starters, now c’mon.” Joel helped you up and walked you to the bed. “Feel better?” “A little.” You whimpered. “I promise I will make you feel better.” He said in his soft twang. He kissed your forehead before sprinting back to the bathroom to soak another towel in freezing cold water. “Warning, its gonna be real cold.” You watched as he gingerly shifted each breast to fully cover every inch of your chest. “Let that sit there and I’ll be right back.” He began to sprint towards the door when you stopped him. “Where are you going?” “I’m gonna go call Dr. Carson from the craft room. I’ll just be down the hall.” “Please don’t leave.” Your voice was not only laced with defeat, but with desperation. It pulled at Joel’s heartstrings badly. “Darlin’, I know you’re in pain now, but maybe the doc has some pain meds or they found another pump.” He expressed. His doe eyes gave you one last look. Your silence was his response to go. 

As he walked down the hall to their ham radio, Joel thought about what would happen if there actually was no other pump. The medicine was only temporary; it’d only mask her issues until it wore off. He heard you request that they be cut off, but what if it actually came to something like that; surgery? The only other time you were ever meant to have surgery was at the Firefly hospital, St. Mary’s. Joel’s fists subconsciously tightened at the thought of you being on an operating table for something that wasn’t yet life threatening. What if Carson had never done a procedure like that before? What if you bled out? Then, another disturbing thought popped into his head. The doctor, assumingly a bit younger than himself, would probably try to manually pump her while sedated before deciding on a procedure. Another man’s hands on your chest, kneading and massaging them. Joel’s mind snapped out of it when you began to moan and whimper. His own hands, out of muscle memory, had already turned on the radio and tuned to the infirmary’s frequency. 

“Carson!” He let go of the button as he frantically waited for a response. “Neil!” He tried again. “Son of a bitch” He whispered under his breath. Joel contemplated whether he should make a run for it down to the infirmary or not.  “Can I help you?” Another, younger, man’s voice responded. “Where’s Carson?” “He’s in surgery right now and we just started. Is this urgent?” “Yes. Listen, this is Joel Miller and—” “I know who you are.” “My wife, she’s in severe pain.” “Is she dying?” “She’s pregnant!” “Is she in labor?” “No, but—” “You need to understand, there’s not many of us and it's all hands on deck for this surgery. I’m sorry.” “Listen, do y'all have a breast pump?" The man on the other line sighed as if he was too busy for this. "I don't think so. We did, but some couple checked it out already. The scavenging groups already know to be on the lookout for more." "Nothing?" Joel exclaimed desperately. “Sir, I will let Dr. Carson know about your situation post op, but he needs to focus. He hasn’t done a ruptured appendix since before. In the meantime, I will send someone to drop off some painkillers; something strong. Hopefully that will help until we can make it over.” Joel let out a weary sigh as he wiped a hand across his face. “Thank you.” He had no choice but to accept the reality. He dreaded going back to tell you the news, so he took his time heading downstairs to put some ice in a bowl.  “Is he coming?” You asked when Joel finally arrived at the bedroom door. He brought his eyes up to meet yours. They were apologetic as he shook his head. 

Joel knew something had to happen and it was now or never. You felt the bed sink as he laid on the other side of you. He sat up, hovering over you as much as he could and pulled back the damp towel. Your skin was less red, which Joel figured was a good thing. He reached his arm back to the end table beside the bed and grabbed a few cubes of ice. You watched as his veiny hands slid them up and down your skin. He would start up top, then slowly rub them in circular motions almost down to your nipples. Your skin was still very warm, so the ice wasn’t uncomfortable. As calloused as his were, the ice hardly affected his bare skin either. Your eyes were closed with your head laid back against the pillow as you tried to focus on relief. The melted beads of water dripped off the tip of your nipple onto your belly. Joel salivated, turned on by the extremely tempting thought to lick them off, but ultimately knew it was not the time. He even held back a deep moan that built up in his throat as he began to eye fuck you.

A faint knock barely pulled Joel’s concentration. “I think I heard someone at the door.” His voice came out low, almost raspy. “Here,” He grabbed your hand, leaving a chaste kiss on the palm before laying it on top of the ice that he left on your chest. “Keep going for me. That’d better be your medicine…”.  Joel swung the door open and only found a cloth tied up like a pouch by his feet. Opening it, he found 3 oval, white pills and a note: Acetaminophen. Take one every 8-12 hours. This should hold her. He brought them upstairs with a glass of water. Your eyes opened when he entered the room. Your wet hands pushed yourself up into a seated position. “Easy.” Joel warned warmly. “They melted.” “I’ve got more in this bowl for you.” “I like it better when you do it.” Joel smirked deviously. “I liked it better when I did it too. Now, how’re you feelin’? The pain.” “They still feel so heavy, but the pain isn’t as bad anymore. My skin is a little numb.” “Good, I reckoned we’d try cold instead since the hot towels were making my baby cry. I’ve got some pain killers for you too. This should last you the rest of the day.” He handed you the pill and water.

After a few moments, you scooched down to lay back and Joel took a couple more cubes of ice in his hands and repeated the earlier motions until they melted too. His hands stayed there against your skin. He felt the knots that clogged your ducts and began kneading them out in every direction.

Within the hour, the two of you felt the difference; The knots were dissipating. Trying something different, he cupped each breast in his palms, practically engulfing them. The pads of his fingers slid up and down your stretch marks, dragging your nipples between them. You hissed at the overstimulation rather than the previous stinging burn. Joel whispered sweet nothings in that Texan drawl that you fell in love with. He increased the pressure once you gave him the ok. A faintly audible moan of relief escaped your lips as a bead of milk began to form. Joel watched as it grew bigger until gravity allowed it to fall, like the melted ice, onto the back of his hand. He kept up his pace. Various consistencies leaked out until it became a steady trickle. His fingers moved down and began to knead your nipple with his thumbs, lubricating them in hopes that it would soften the calluses. They perked up at his touch. His hands began to cramp up a while ago, but the progress encouraged him to continue for a bit longer.

Joel abruptly stopped to reposition himself on the bed and give his hands a break. Laying on his side, he propped himself up with one hand and gently grasped the same breast with the other. Thinking he just needed a new angle to get comfortable, you finally let your eyes close to focus on the pending relief. 

Joel finally looked at you and found your face to be serene. It gave him the confidence to play on his previous thoughts. He gently lifted your soft breast and licked the underside curve until his tongue met your nipple. The pad of it applied pressure flat onto the perked tip until he heard you hiss again. His lips, then, fully wrapped around it. He stayed there like that for a moment, barely moving his tongue around you to give you a chance to adjust to the new sensation.

The feeling shot ripples of pain and pleasure through your body. You hardly moved, opting to stare straight up at the ceiling. As if given permission, Joel’s tongue began to circle your nipple more tightly. He watched your fingers grip the covers beneath you.

The flow of warm liquid was new to him. Instinctively, he let it slide down his throat. Joel would be lying if he said that it didn’t taste a bit sweet. He had long become accustomed to drinking his coffee black since acquiring beans was a luxury all on its own, but it reminded him of his favorite brand of creamer from before the outbreak. It brought his mind back to when things were normal. It was a comfortable and cozy feeling. He couldn’t help but feel weird about the connection that his brain was making, but he also couldn’t help this sort of primal urge for more; more nostalgia, more of you.

Joel was a mess or at least he was about to be. The sound of your whimpers and moans unleashed a flood of arousal to his cock. He realized that milk drunkenness was a real thing when it began to sneak up on him. If he wasn’t careful to keep some semblance of sobriety, he’d find himself making a mess in his pants in no time.

Between the rush of blood down south and the flow of milk down his throat, his body was becoming flushed with heat. He wanted to strip down right there and then, if not to relieve his own pressure but to tease you with his tip. He willed himself not to, however, because you still needed relief. He needed to focus on you not him.

The heat of his breath on your skin added to your own haziness. He had every intention of sucking you dry before moving on to the other, but he needed a breather. He didn’t realize that his beard was slightly wet until he rested his chin on the space between your breasts. You brought your fingers up to linger through his hair. 

“Look at me.” Joel panted, reaching up to tilt your head down. “How you feelin’, darlin’?” A medley of breathless whimpers was all you could muster as a response. Your mind was already mush and you wanted to keep it that way. The pain of the other breast was almost nonexistent; almost. Joel smirked. “Can you handle more?” He rubbed the side of your thigh as you nodded. “Say it.” “Yes.”

Expecting him to go straight to the other breast, he sat up and pulled his sweatshirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. Next, he slid your panties down your thicker thighs and let it fall in the same direction. He used his knee to spread your legs before splaying his fingers across your thighs to get a good grasp on them. With a little more aggression than he meant, Joel pulled your entire body down the bed so you could lay flat. Sliding a hand underneath the small of your back, he lifted you up just enough to place a couple of pillows under you for support. He, then, disappeared past where you could see and tucked his head between your thighs. You could hardly run your fingers through his hair in this position, but he easily managed to reach one hand up to grope your other breast.

He dragged his tongue flat across the length of your lower lips, settling onto the bud of nerves at the top. His other hand was preoccupied with making sure your legs stayed wide open for him. They always had a penchant for snapping shut around him, something he usually enjoyed. He knew his work was more sloppy when that happened, allowing himself to succumb to the mind swimming pleasure of being pussy drunk. That night, however, he wanted to focus on you more than revel in his own satisfaction. 

He continued to massage your engorged breast with your nipple rolling in between the tips of his fingers. Your clit revealed itself more as he blew cold air on it, giving him permission to take it completely into his mouth. His tongue swirled and sucked in a quick, continuous motion. He squeezed your nipple between his fingers harder, making you arch your back, until the dam broke. Enough of the clots had passed and now milk was streaming. A scream escaped your lips as you began to transition from pain to pure pleasure.

The motion of his tongue slowed, much to your dismay. As swiftly as he could, he switched spots. Your clit only ached and throbbed for a few moments before it found comfort between his slick and calloused fingers. Like your nipples, he squeezed and rolled.

Above, he continued to suck you dry like his life depended on it and it kind of did now that it was no longer a trickle. Beads of your creamy white dribbled through his beard and down his neck. You began to feel overstimulated before even reaching release. All you wanted as relief from the pressure, but you had to tap his shoulder to beckon him up and give you a break. What you saw in his eyes when they locked on to your was pure, feral lust. Despite his mouth now only hovering over your breasts, he allowed his fingers to continue. His eyes silently dared you to tell him to stop. Your hips continued to buck up into his hand. He adored the look on your face as you took him so well. The way your body reacted to his aroused him so much that he couldn't help but focus back onto his own building pressure. Joel repositioned himself a bit, straddling your one leg between his two and started to grind his hips up and down. The relief was minimal as he preferred to be inside you. He also preferred to be naked. The denim rubbing against your skin made you notice that he was still clothed from the waist down. Gently, you pushed him off, earning yourself the famous “Joel Glare”, something he couldn't help giving you as he didn't appreciate the immediate build up of pressure again. His eyes quickly softened and he felt a bit guilty as he picked up on your intentions when you began to unbuckle his jeans.

Joel fought the urge to help since it took you a moment, but opted to just enjoy the show as your fingers adorably fumbled over each other in anticipation. They gingerly brushed across the trail of dark hair on his lower stomach with all of your attempts. Still straddling your left thigh, he bit his lip at the sight. Finally undone, Joel took over to quickly get them all the way off, briefs included. When his cock sprung free, you saw that he’d already made a mess of himself with precum steadily dribbling out like a faucet not quite turned off. At that moment, you didn’t know what you wanted more, to take as much of him in your mouth as you could or guide him to your still wet cunt.

Luckily, he made the decision for you. “Eyes here.” He smirked, wanting your full attention. “Are you ready for me?” You laid back and nodded your head. “What'd I say? I need to hear that pretty, sexy voice of yours.” This was the most intimate he’d been with you in several months and his feelings were all coming to a head. “Yes! I need you so bad right now, please!” You desperately exclaimed. He lowered himself close to your ear for just a moment. "Your wish has always been my command, baby girl."

Abruptly, Joel turned you onto your side and threw aside the pillows. He replaced them as your support, allowing your body to lean back towards his. You felt the hair on his chest brush against your back. He slid his arm around your chest to pull you in closer. His fingers rolled between your nipple to milk out the last of it. Your insides were throbbing around nothing and you needed him to fill you, feel you; to know that what your body was doing was not of your own accord, but by his. All of your worries and self conscious thoughts were long gone. You didn’t care anymore; you were just horny for him.

He proceeded still with a bit of caution despite picking up on your body language, afraid you'd suddenly recoil from him. He could let himself go feral and fuck you into oblivion from behind, but thought this was a better position to start with; the two of you could always do work your way up to that later. With one hand slid between your thighs, he lifted your leg up. With his other, he stroked his cock a few more times to get it good and slick. It twitched with anticipation as he lined it with your entrance. 

Joel couldn’t help but release a low, guttural moan right in your ear just after the tip slid in. He wanted to cum so bad already and he didn’t even have the pleasure to be fully inside you yet. You didn’t even give him a moment to gather his bearings before you scooched backwards, sheathing him further inside. Your walls barely fluttered against him. He released, coating every inch of them in ropes of cum. Just like he did to you, you milked him dry. You kept a vice grip on him as your walls still pulsed to bring your own release even as you felt him soften. You forgot how amazing it felt to be so stuffed and full. 

Over and over, he huffed your name through breaths. His voice was deep and raspy. His hand struggled to find purchase on your body, not wanting to hurt you, so he could redirect his overstimulation. You felt his breath panting in your ear as he aggressively cupped your inner thigh. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He repeated as he finally began to come down. He peppered wet kisses behind your ear lobe. “Hmm?” Off in your own world. “I just need a moment to catch up. Then, we’ll finish. I promise.” “Take your time.” You said, feeling pretty relaxed none-the-less. Joel peaked over and watched as you tried to finish riding the wave to get yourself off.

You untangled your legs from his and repositioned yourself for better reach of your clit all with your eye closed. It amazed you how much you no longer cared about how you looked. All you wanted was to cum and you were fine if he didn’t get you there that time. You would make sure that he made it up to you later. He watched as your back arched up off the bed as much as it could despite being weighed down by your belly. Breathy whimpers escaped your lips. Your legs stiffly straightened while your toes curled as you found what you’d been looking for. The way you looked, the way you sounded; it was an experience Joel was privileged to behold and it quickly aroused him all over again.

Between your and his cum, you felt so filthy that you didn’t even want to move. Joel was too engrossed in gazing at you, even minutes after you caught your breath. He was usually punctual about aftercare, but still he laid there next to you. Without even turning to meet his gaze, your hand reached out to find his partially flaccid cock and began to gently play with it. Your goal wasn’t to get it back up just yet, but to just be blissfully intimate. His eyes followed your hand and watched you make contact. He hissed a bit when your nails dragged across his sensitive length. 

“Jesus woman, what are you doin’ to me?” He asked. “What are you doing to me?” You retorted with the same question with a giggle. “God, you're so beautiful." His low, roughly velvet voice stated lovingly. "Stop." You blushed with a shy grin which made him smile widely. "I must not be complimenting you enough if you still don't feel good about taking them." You shied away playfully by sliding away to the other side of the bed. Joel immediately scooched over to follow you, leaving his body flush against yours to spoon. "You never did that before.” Joel quipped in reference to masturbating in front of him. “Yes I have.” "Not with me. I never saw you touch yourself...like that. You usually wait for me to get my bearin's so I take care of you proper." "I do wait for you but I do also touch myself when you're not around." "Why didn't I know this?" "You jealous you're hands aren't the only one's touching me?" You joked. "Yes ma'am I am when you put it like that." "My hands are the next best things when you're not around. But if it's any consolation, I imagine they're yours." "You better be." He replied coyly. "But if it's any consolation to you, Darlin', I'll be around much more often, so you won't be needin' your imagination." He pinched your chin gently and turned your head to face him, taking your lips into his. It was a loving, drawn out sort of kiss. "How're ya feelin'? If you need me to go back in and...um...relieve some pressure for you," Joel cocked his brow and shrugged. "I'll take good care of you. And I don't want you gettin' all shy about it neither." He gingerly groped your breasts from behind. You turned around in his arms and cupped his face with your hand. “I think there's still some left for you to take care of but they don't hurt anymore. You did make me feel better just like you promised you would.” You leaned in for a kiss. If you weren’t completely grounded in that moment, you would have missed his bottom lip tremble a bit. The movement of your legs immediately reminded you of the mess that both of you made.  Joel heard the faint, tacky sound and whispered. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll get us cleaned up.” He began to roll away when you put your hand on his chest. “No, I’ll get up. I have to pee anyway.” “Nah, I’ma get up.” A grunt escaped his lips as he sat up. “Joel….” “I never made you clean up before and I sure as shit ain’t gon’ start makin’ you do it now.” His features softened and his voice deepened as he leaned down to reach your lips. “Am I understood?” You smirked. “Yes, sir.” He pecked your lips before slipping out of bed completely naked. You listened to the water run from the ensuite. Anticipation grew within you, as if it was your first time, as you waited. Joel clicked his tongue, announcing his return. “Dagum, you’re a fucking sight, you know that?” The left corner of his lips curled up as he gazed at how the sheets draped around your body.

Tenderly, he pulled the sheets away, spread your legs further apart and sat between them. Using two fingers, he circled your entrance with the soothing cloth. Your faint mewling did not miss his ears. 

In a clean transition, Joel removed the cloth from the equation. His middle and ring finger took one more lap around your labias before sliding inside of you. His thumb kneaded your still sensitive bud, causing a crescendo to begin building. Almost like a spasm, your hips bucked erratically in retaliation to his thick fingers going in deeper to find your spot. It hadn’t been touched in so long, you forgot how quickly he could find it; how well he knew your body. They slid in further, knuckles deep. The metal of his wedding band cooled your hot flesh. Your walls were clenching tight around his fingers. Always obliging, he went faster when you begged. He made sure to make you do that first, however. The way you begged so sweetly went straight to his cock and in almost no time, it was engorged and at attention again. He fit a third finger from his other hand inside you to gather enough slick to slide onto his shaft. Between both hands, Joel tried to keep an even rhythm, but knew he was getting sloppy. Your walls were beginning to contract erratically too. He knew it was time for everything to come to a head. 

“Alright, you ready for me?” Joel asked? “I’ve been ready! Joel, I'm gonna cum." Joel couldn’t help but chuckle at your bluntness. “Not yet, Darlin'. Get on your hands and knees.” He watched the shock on your face and couldn’t tell if it was from his fingers abruptly leaving you empty or because you hadn’t explored that position in a while. “C’mon baby,” He helped you up and around. “Ass up, front and center, now.” He positioned himself behind you, his warm hands massaging your ass before sliding them down your back to push you into the pillow. “I ain’t hurtin’ you, am I?” “Uh, uh.” You shook your head against the pillow. Your legs were snapped shut squeezing, not wanting your clit to die back down. He slapped your right cheek. “What was that?” “No!” You yipped in return. “You’re not hurting me.” “Gon’ tell me if I do, you hear me?” Joel could’ve sworn you called him daddy after you answered yes. It was all muffled by the pillow, but it was still enough for him.

He grabbed as much of your ass as he could in his hands. He loved how supple they felt in his hands. He gave a harsh squeeze as a test, to which you moaned. He stopped himself from spreading your legs apart and instead eased his cock in between your thighs. You felt how it just rubbed against your clit. Joel could’ve cum right there and then, but wanted to be inside you. That was his ultimate goal; his prize. He’d be damned if he let that opportunity slip again. 

With one hand gripping your hips and the other gripping your hair, he eased himself into you. It didn’t take long for him to gradually pick up the pace. His own hips rocked into yours harder and harder, waiting for you to protest but you never did. Your entire body rippled like a wave to his movement. It was the most intense amount of pressure you’d ever felt in your life between feeling like you had a bowing ball stuck inside you and your husband filling you up.

“Mmm” Joel grunted. “focus, now.” Your rhythm was becoming erratic again. His one hand was now splayed across your lower back. The muscles and veins in his arms flexed as his other gripped onto you tighter. “Yes! Like that, baby. Rock back into me.” “Oh fuck, Joel, please.” You exclaimed breathlessly. “Please what?” His excitement increased when you started to beg. “It's too much.” He began to slow down. “Does it hurt, baby? Want me to stop?” A bit of guilt flashed across his eyes.  “Don’t stop. Don’t slow down. It just…I feel so much. I feel like I’m about to explode but like a good explosion.” “That’s the goal, Darlin'. Matter of fact, don’t lose that feelin’ ‘cause I need you to cum for me. Right now.” “No…” You tried to catch your own breath. “No?” He almost took offense.  “I want to feel you first.” You intentionally squeezed around his dick harder. Joel bit his lip and grunted as he fought against his own climax. He almost had to laugh through the pain of holding back. “I don’t think you’ve ever told me no before.”  “Guess there’s a first for everything. Please?” Your voice was so innocent; how could he deny you?  “You know what you gotta do then, right?” “Whatever you want.” “Call me that again.” “Call you what?” “What you said in the pillow there. Thought I didn’t hear you?” “I wanted you to hear me, daddy.” “Fuck me…What am I gonna do with you?” Joel edged himself as much as he could. He wanted to ride the build up just a moment longer. You teased him, saying it again, knowing that you had him in the palm of your hand. “You like that, huh?" “Maybe.” His brows furrowed in concentration as he tried his best. He blew air out between puckered lips to try and steady himself, but it was of no use. His glass overfilled and he had no choice but to let it spill. “I’m cumming, baby. Fuck!”

Though his movements were faster, his hips snapped erratically into you. He didn’t care about rhythm when his mind was going black due to the vice grip you had on him. All his body could focus on was the explosion of hot, sticky cum uncontrollably flooding out of him. You bellowed out this beautiful whine that made his dick, already a sloppy mess, twitch. His hips slowed down as your grip around him loosened. All but the head slid out. He wanted to stay in a little longer when he collapsed onto your back, but between both of your slick, it wasn’t easy.

Not wanting your back to ache, he allowed himself only a moment of rest before sliding out and straightening up. Joel’s eyes caught the translucent cream sliding down your leg. You felt his tongue lap it all the way back up to your entrance. Your weak legs trembled at the touch. “Whoa, steady now.” His hands held your hips before guiding your body to lay back down on your side. While up, he grabbed the cloth and quickly cleaned the two of you up again. 

He couldn’t wait to get back into bed with you after tossing the cloth in the sink. Spooning you from behind, his body fit around yours like a glove. You let him wrap his arms around you and pull you in closer.

[tloujm]

What would you prefer?

[tloujm]

I still haven’t given up on your fic! It’s really good :) I hope you’re well and happy!

Thank you for your kind words! Probably the same person I just answered from a very old ask.

I definitely need to finish this thing don't I? I have like three jobs now *insert dry crying emoji* but what's ironic is that when I only had 1 PT job and all the time in the world to write, I had writers block. Now, not only am I starting to write based off my previous notes on how to tie up this story, I've come up with new ideas to make things even more complicated for myself. I love it here.

Thank you for hanging on and bearing with me. You're lovely

[tloujm]

i miss your posts and i literally check your account every day to see if a new chapter is uploaded but i hope you're doing well and living your best life! <3

Thank you for your patience with me! *this is from my laptop so just imagine that there are several crying emojis here*

[tloujm]

This is by no means meant to pressure you, but I literally check your account to see if you've updated the fic ;____; So excited for new chapters! I hope you're doing well and thriving!

🎄Merry Christmas🎄

Hey! Thank you so much for enjoying the work I've put out and for checking in! I hope you're doing well and thriving too!

I'm just answering this one bc I think it was also you that sent the other ask in my inbox, checking in from months ago. Sorry about that.

As you noticed, I fell off. Me and my family don't really celebrate Christmas, so I thought I'd have the day to catch up on this account, but now we all of a sudden have plans. Heading out now actually. So I hope you enjoy your holiday and I will be posting again soon!

[tloujm]

Headcanon IV: Non-apocalyptic AU

Author’s Notes: I truly can go on and on with this scenario. Let me know if you want a pt. 2! Ended it at the day after Joel’s bday so it could be definitively in a universe where the fungus infection does not happen. Other than that, my usual disclaimer on these headcanons being in a shared universe do not apply here because this is an AU! I love a good AU because sometimes I love a character but not the settings or their circumstances. That make sense? Either way, hope you enjoy!

Joel meets you when Sarah is in Kindergarten 

You become his neighbor by living in the same apartment building

Joel made Tommy take out the trash and while he was outside, spotted you moving out of a U-Haul by yourself

He was the first to introduce himself to you 

Because Sarah was at school and Joel was off, Tommy ran back inside to recruit an extra pair of hands

Tommy had immediate plans to set the two of you up since Joel hasn’t dated since Sarah’s mom left

Joel wasn’t in the mood to help anyone move, but he also wanted an excuse to put his business textbook down

He quickly liked that you weren’t annoying like his brother

Joel has lived at that complex for a few years and never really spoke to his neighbors

He didn’t feel the need to

He kept to his life, which as a single dad with a blue collar job took all of his time, and let his neighbors keep to theirs

He would say hi and bye to you in passing at first

You would go over to borrow tools

He would offer to fix whatever you needed the tools for

Caved and bought a puppy since it was the only thing on his daughter’s Christmas list

Joel begins to vent to you about his unit being messy from the dog’s high energy and him not being potty trained

You offer to walk the dog and help train him when no one is home to

After several months, you become his closest neighbor

One day, Joel’s boss calls for him to come on site last minute for a construction emergency super early in the morning

Tommy was out of town for another construction job

He was the only person that he trusted to babysit Sarah after moving away from their parents

He never had a reason to distrust you since giving you a spare key to his place for the dog

You got through life so far never having babysat, but you saw the bags under Joel’s apologetic eyes after you opened the door

You couldn’t say no to him or Sarah

That morning, you made her breakfast and took her to school

Joel would try to not push Sarah on you when his job was being extra demanding, but every so often, he would ask and you would always oblige

After another several months, you were practically apart of the family

Tommy would keep pestering Joel to ask you out 

Joel came home from work one day to relieve you

When he walked in the kitchen, he found you and Sarah making dinner together

At that moment, Joel decided to finally muster up the courage and shoot his shot

You made Joel a happy, happy man when you agreed to date

Sarah was also happy because she got to spend her free time running up and down the stairs of the complex to play in both your and his units

Joel knew that if he came home and she wasn’t there, she was safe with you

He would take a moment to decompress from his day and freshen up before skipping up the stairs to greet the two of you

Once your lease ends, you move in with them

Quickly decide that a two bedroom for 3 people and a dog is too cramped

Together, the two of you buy a nice two-story house

It was not too old, but old enough where it needed some fixing up before moving in

It was a family affair where Tommy and Joel did most of the work because of their skill set

And you kept Sarah out of their way and out of danger during the day while you helped Joel relax from all of the home and work construction that wore down his body at night

Despite their being a source of income from you too, Joel felt the pressure of now having a mortgage

Joel’s job didn’t seem worth it anymore as his boss became more demanding with no pay raise to match

You encouraged him to revisit the goal of creating his own construction business

You would stop at the library on the way home and get him some books to read on start-ups and upskilling

You eventually convince him to leave that boss and take a PT job at a hardware store so he could go to night school 

Joel has no problem with you being the major bread winner, but he does sulk from time to time but tries his best to hide it about not feeling like the best father and boyfriend at the moment

Tommy helps him pay for a ring

Its nothing flashy, but he knows you’ll love it

After 4 years together, Sarah starts to consider you her other parent and calls you "mom”

It starts with her going to Joel right before Mother’s Day and asking him what he thought about it, worrying that you would reject the title and not see her as a daughter

Joel felt blessed to have you help raise his daughter and his heart melted when Sarah wanted to do something for you on that day

He pushes away her worries and helps her execute an entire day dedicated to you and being a family

In turn, Sarah helps Joel propose

The two of you decide to elope in favor of a big family vacation as the honeymoon

Tommy comes to chaperone Sarah while the two of you have alone time

You officially adopt Sarah 

A picture of the two of you holding up the signed adoption papers hangs on one of the walls

As soon as the honeymoon is over, she starts BEGGING for a sibling

She was the only one in her small-town elementary school to not have a mom or siblings 

She happily completed one goal and quickly moved onto the next

It took a year, but she got her wish

She wanted a brother, but got a sister

Joel was destined to be a girl dad

Middle name is Eleanor 

Tommy breaks up with his girlfriend, leading him to move in with his brother and his family

He becomes a built-in manny 

Walking the dog and/or the stroller quickly gets him back into the dating game

Sarah finds all of the women that he is talking to intriguing and helps him find a new girlfriend

Joel and Tommy go in on the construction business together 

“Miller Bros. Construction”

Between the still energetic dog, the new business and a baby, Joel was noticeably adding some salt to the pepper on his head

Hair everywhere else was still dark brown

In two more years, Sarah surprises Joel by buying him a new watch for his birthday

You help her buy it, but ever the jokester, she claims that she earned the money herself by selling hard core drugs

The five of you all go out to eat for dinner

Joel wears a clean, black cotton button down tucked into dark blue jeans

All of you have cake back at the house

Sarah puts enough candles to match his age on the cake and calls him an old man inside his birthday card

You fall asleep in your bed after putting the baby down

Tommy snuck off in the middle of a movie that Joel and Sarah fell asleep on in the living room

Waking up to paid programs, Joel turned everything off and carried Sarah to bed

Everyone decided to turn his birthday into a long weekend trip

Joel didn’t want that much attention on him, but obliged when he saw his girls’ puppy eyes

Tommy Showed up at their house late the next morning

“C’mon now! We gotta hit the road ‘fore we run into this lunchtime traffic.” Tommy said as he walked into their house to start loading bags

Everyone agreed to take a road trip from Austin to a water park in Houston to beat the last bits of the Texas summer heat 

[tloujm]

Headcanon III: Joel Being Soft

Author’s Notes: Not entirely based on original canon but also not AU. Based on the same universe as my multi-chapter series found in the masterlist. Definitely, don’t have to read all those chapters if you do not want, but I have a preface or prologue that gives the gist of the universe that I encourage to read if there’s any confusion.

Joel gets you gifts that may seem little, but are sentimental

They show you that he really knows and thinks about you

Has no problem crying in front of you

He seldom does, but after the dangerous coast to coast journey, he trusts that he can be vulnerable around you

His voice changes when he is in a softer mood

Its still deep but less gravelly and gruff

Its lighter and more smooth

Somehow his southern accent is thicker when he is softer

Joel looks 10 years younger: his eyes are more doe-y and some of the lines on his face just disappears. Lines that you thought were permanently there but are only there because of his resting serious face to ward off danger

Secretly loves the monthly community bonfires

It gives him a chance to get handsy under the blanket you two share

And he loves telling you campfire stories in your ear just for you

When in a goofy mood, he would tell you embarrassing stories about Tommy growing up

When he’s in a dom but still soft mood, he will tell you scary stories that will make you want to cuddle closer to him for protection

Either way, he will pull you in by wrapping his arm around you

Almost exclusively soft around his family members in private

The most soft around his children

Joel seldom sings, but has sung all of his children to sleep at least once

Sarah when she’d wake up from a bad dream

Ellie after they made up and she crashed at his house

Your and his baby whenever they were especially fussy at night and he didn’t want you to wake back up and worry

Joel can now casually share memories about Sarah without feeling defensive around you

Cracking dad jokes that are actually funny

Sometimes

Though the ones that aren’t are still meaningful because he genuinely wants to see you laugh or at least smile

His hand often looks for yours

He is not the biggest fan of PDA, but his hands are always hungry for you in some sort of way

In the very least, he will let his fingers caress yours for a long moment while walking side by side before finally entangling them

His thumb will almost always linger on some part of your body to draw circles as a reminder that his is there

Has never verbalized it, but he loves to cockwarm to stay physically connected to you

Will wash your hair if you two take a shower together 

surprisingly good at scalp massages

But you make sure he cleans under his fingernails first

Acts like he doesn’t like to do fun things, especially in public, but he enjoys exploring and taking you to new places within reason

Loves to hike and enjoy nature

He will wake you up early to suggest an impromptu hike outside of Jackson to see the sunrise from a nice view point

Joel also surprisingly encourages movie nights and prioritizes the scavenging of new movies

Will actually put effort into date nights

Even the most casual dates require some sort of planning and he puts detail into all of them until its your turn

While it feels weird to have no plans for the day, he enjoys taking his time gazing at you to commit your entire being to memory

One time and only one time, you caught him making funny faces at himself in the bathroom mirror while getting ready for the day

He thought you were still asleep

His ideal pass time is to rock in his chair on the front porch at sunset with you by his side

If his hands aren’t busy playing the gee-tar, they are caressing your thigh

He is listening to the laughs of his kids inside the house with a smile, knowing that they are safe and sound with him

After years of living in Jackson, he just pretends to be grumpy for continuity and because he knows you secretly love it

[tloujm]

Headcanon II: Joel’s Hobbies vs Shared Hobbies

Author’s Notes: Not entirely based on original canon but also not AU. Based on the same universe as the multi-chapter series found in the masterlist. Definitely, don’t have to read all those chapters, but I have a preface or prologue that gives the gist of the universe that I encourage to read if there’s any confusion.

Joel:

Joel hardly relaxes in the sense of doing absolutely nothing; only when he’s sleeping

He HAS to keep his hands busy

Joel’s favorite thing to do when he is alone with free time is to play his guitar

The ol six string

He likes to start with a familiar song that he learned a long time ago, then turns it into something that he makes up on his own

He’ll start singing when he knows that he’s truly alone

Joel’s no longer shy about you hearing his voice, but has the most confidence when no one is around

Used to sing for his daughter when she was a baby

Loves woodwork as well

It was a hobby that he picked up when he was a teen in workshop class but soon had to put it on the backburner when he became a teen dad with Sarah

To provide for his young family, he rekindled his interest of it and got into carpentry

Before the outbreak, Tommy encouraged him to branch out on his own and start his own construction business

Now, he makes little things here and there like sculptures and toys for kids at the daycare

He accepts commissions to do specific things from time to time, but really has the most desire to go with the flow and create what comes to mind

His passion project is creating a guitar from scratch

He finally accomplished it decades later and gifted it to you

You eventually pass it down to Ellie decades later when you are old

He collects guns

Not a large collection by far, just a wooden box with a lock with his favorite revolvers.

Didn’t pick up this hobby until after he settled in Jackson

Before Jackson, guns were just as disposable as the ammo used in them

He takes good care of his little collection, now having the time to properly clean and polish them

The muscle memory of it all is therapeutic for his hands

Together:

Baking

It’s not something Joel enjoys doing by himself at all. You HAVE to be involved for it to keep his interest

Collecting DVDs when scavenging for movie nights

playing checkers or backgammon

Teaching Ellie how to play various card games

Archery

You get Joel into this as an alternative to guns just in case he ever runs out of ammo

He thinks it’s gonna be easy peasy; just point and pull, but he soon learns that there is strategy to it

He is proud of you when he sees how much more honed your skill is to his

The two of you go outside Jackson’s walls to practice together

[tloujm]

Headcanon I: Yandere

Warnings: Yandere is an archetype that defines a character whose love, admiration, and devotion is so strong that it can be expressed through forms of obsession and possessiveness. 

Author’s Notes: I truly do not believe that Joel has a Yandere personality. He has some traits that may fit the archetype, but not enough for it to be consistently considered Yandere. Though Yandere is ultimately toxic, and he is ultimately a toxic man, I somehow like reading them and figured I’d stray off the path of canon once more to do one for him. Honestly, I feel like this is tame compared to some of the yandere I’ve read in the past. This is all based in the same universe as the main storyline that I JUST realized that I never created a title/name for.

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Joel is all about survival. It stemmed from not letting his daughter’s death be in vein, then it just became a habitual instinct. When you came into his life, it became this intense drive. 

Admittedly, he didn’t trust you at first, but when he finally let his walls down, they never came back up at least for you

Surviving to Joel means having the “either its you or me” mentality and he almost always chooses you over anybody else, even himself

Joel is 100% ok with sacrificing his life for yours

He would for sure take a bullet for you in a heartbeat 

It’s just a cherry on top that he knows that you would do the same for him.

On one hand, he wants nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you, so he will make sure that the both of you survive

But on the other hand, he believes that he will see his daughter again if he dies and what better way to get there than to save you

Especially since he couldn’t use his life to save Sarah

He only survives for you 

You are his reason

The same reason that he asks you to search for when you get mad at him for taking you away from the fireflies

You never told him what your reason was, but he desperately wanted you to say that it was him

His brother is a bonus reason once they reunite in Jackson

Ironically, he becomes more protective over you when the two of you decide to stay at the settlement. 

Outside of Jackson’s walls, he needed you. He tried his best to do everything for you: shoot, sneak around, escape, etc...but he had to admit that he probably wouldn’t have made it out of some situations without you.

Within Jackson’s walls, it was easier to make sure that you were safe, but he still knew that there were dangers.

The number one danger that he anticipated was getting too comfortable

Baring the surname Miller, he became a well known citizen of the settlement

Joel used this to his advantage and made sure he kept eyes on you at all times through his connections

There was very little that you could hide from him at the end of the day

Joel tried not to let anything suspicious get to him, but he is more of an act first, think second kind of man

This would sometimes lead to arguments

Especially when you first find out about this and how long it’d been going on for

He’s done a good job at keeping all of that away from you and it takes you a while to catch on

He knew that you’d consider it spying instead of how he intended, care and protection.

Insists on giving you guitar lessons when he is in a lighthearted mood

Or when he knows that you are mad at him and he wants to say sorry

Despite how he comes off, he has an incredible amount of patience for those he cares about and is willing to take the time to teach you things

The two of you fall into a relationship without formally defining it

During your journey, before making it to Jackson, the two of you never got intimate. There were implications of romance, but there was never an appropriate time or place to act on it.

Once in Jackson, Joel was tired of dancing around the matter and took control of it

As soon as the two of you were left alone again by Tommy and Maria, he caressed your cheek in his hand and confessed his feelings with brevity

His vows were simply “I am yours and you are mine”

With the famous Joel glare gaze

He waited for you to agree

And luckily for the both of you, you did

He made sure that the two of you didn’t separate by having you live with him

He never stepped over your boundaries physically

As aforementioned, he has an abundance of patience and waits until you are comfortable enough to share a bed with him

As soon as you do, Joel is all in

His arms are wrapped around you

When he moves in his sleep, which is rare bc he sleeps like a rock, you move with him to keep the same locked position

Practically has a heart attack when he wakes up to a cold empty bed

Doesn’t consider himself a deep sleeper, but somehow you still manage to escape his grasp for one reason or another throughout the night without him noticing

Joel responds by laying a leg over yours to hold you in tighter

One of the first reasons why he feels the need to keep eyes on you

Wanna sign up for scavenging or patrol routes? Only if he has the time to sign up for the same ones you do. 

Wanna work in the community gardens? Joel’s not afraid to get his hands dirty.

Want peace and quiet with the watch tower duty? He’ll be up in the tower first waiting for you to show up to your SHARED shift.

You asked if he ever got tired of you from being around you all day

Joel: “No” *continues to sip his coffee casually*

He knocks on the bathroom door if he feels that you are taking an excessive amount of time to check on you

Yes, he genuinely misses you, but he also wants to make sure that you haven’t suddenly died on him.

His protectiveness over you, before it got overbearing in Jackson, is what initially caused you to have feelings for him.

He is a possessive lover which has enough pros to keep you going, but definitely has its cons

As a private man, Joel is not into PDA

But he will do so if he feels his relationship is being threatened by an outside force

The most PDA he will do on a regular basis is keeping his hand on you at all times

Not necessarily hand holding, but keeping his hand on your lower back, back of your neck or your waist.

Sometimes, his fingers would dig into your skin to pull you closer to him

He would never harm or put his hands on you, but he left marks

A lot of marks especially after a pretty spicy night

As a private man, he likes the marks to be in places that he could only see

Every so often, he would let you leave the house with clear and visible marks even if there are no direct threats, just as a gentle reminder to anyone who is interacting with you in general.

He prefers his mouth or hands over anything to mark you; no ropes or other extra toys

Also in private, he loves to cuddle

He loves that you enjoy the weight of his entire body on top of yours

He especially loves it when you wrap your legs around his waist to pull him in closer than he thought he already was

Despite this, he makes sure that he doesn’t fall asleep in this position as he is afraid of suffocating you 

He, instead, prefers to have you lay on him

Not just next to him with your head on his chest or an arm slung over

He wants your entire body on top of his like a weighted blanket too

Part of his obsession infatuation intoxication with you is because of your natural scent. Your pheromones if you will

Yours in particular drive him crazy in a way he’s never felt

The source is your sacred middle which is why there is never a dull moment in your and his sex life

Even in non sexual ways, he loves being around your pussy

cockwarming

Joel likes to lay his head on your fupa/lower stomach for the soft warmth and to easily take in your scent from the close proximity 

If he’s not in a position to be touching you, he very often has his own eyes on you

He’ll offer up his special Joel glare that he saves just for you (barely any different from his usually glare)

While Joel is more serious than playful, he likes to turn it into a game by seeing you fight the urge to meet his gaze and to see how long it takes before you do so 

He always gets jealous but is good at controlling it if the two of you are near each other and you are not giving him at least an once of attention. 

Joel has a desire to protect you from unseen forces too, like colds or the flu, but doesn’t beat himself up when he fails to do so

He takes advantage of the times that you are sick because he gets to keep you all to himself in the house

Joel will put his foot down about not being able to work his patrol shifts because he’s too busy caring for you

Joel finds himself conflicted between not wanting to see you in pain and having you be completely dependent on him.

He’s also conflicted about getting you pregnant

He doesn’t want more kids for various “practical” reasons 

Afraid of feeling guilt over replacing Sarah

Taking his energy away from protecting you to protect someone else

Afraid he may become too soft to protect either one of you by being wrapped around the babies finger

But he also wants kids with you for various reasons

One of his favorite ways to mark you is internally with his cum

The heavier you grow with his child, the more dependent you’ll need to be of him and it’ll be longer than a cold

He’ll convince you to be a stay at home mom, so he wouldn’t have to worry about the whereabouts of two separate people as the child would always be with you.

A child would most likely encourage you to stay within the settlement’s walls

He’ll try to convince you to want a child too

If you are not ready for one, he will be super patient and bring it up every so often to see if your answer has changed

At the end of the day, he has lost too much in his life and he will do everything in his power not to lose you either

[tloujm]

Part XXXVI: Hello?

Author’s Notes: First of all...🎄Merry Christmas🎄I hope this is a nice little gift to finish off the night. This is the extent of my backlog, so now I will be writing some more chapters from scratch to further along this angst plot line that I’ve now committed to. In the mean time, I do have some finished HC’s in the drafts and might just post one tonight or tomorrow as a bonus present. 

Also can you tell that I’m skirting pregnancy sex. I haven’t written smut in a LONG time and while I’ve been reading it, it’s always still different to write it. I also feel like pregnancy sex in particular is more delicate to write. I might still do it but I don’t know...We’ll see how confident I feel on that front. 

Genre: Fluff with a side of angst

Summary: You are introduced to Theresa in an unconventional way. You and Joel eat pizza, talk about Ellie moving in, and flirt a little. 

Ship: Joel x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Joel came home to find you in bed sleeping earlier than usual. He was itching to tell you about Theresa, but figured it could wait until tomorrow afternoon. He knew that you waking up as early as him was wishful thinking, so it solidified his plans to tell you after his patrol shift. He just rubbed your belly before crouching down to leave a chaste kiss on your forehead before leaving for the day.

A few hours later, you got up to start a lazy morning routine. It began by turning the bowling ball strapped around your middle to the edge of the bed; that took a solid two minutes on its own. The next sensation was to pee. This had to happen within 30 seconds of getting out of bed or there’d be a mess. While in the bathroom, you usually took care of your other basic needs. Mirrors weren’t your favorite thing at this stage in the game, so you tended to just walk around the second floor of the house while you brushed your teeth.

Stopping dead in your tracks, your head turned in the direction of faint radio static. You stood quietly in the middle of the upstairs hallway, waiting patiently to hear it again. It took several long moments, but it happened again. You deduced that it was coming from Joel’s ham radio in his craft room. Because he worked with a lot of wood, he left it covered with a scrap of fabric to avoid dust, so you often forgot that it was even there. You couldn’t remember the last time that thing was used. He taught you how to use it in emergencies, but walkie talkies have been your family’s go to. 

As quickly as you could, you waddled to the bathroom to spit. Through the running water of the sink, you heard more than just static this time. Panic surged through your body as you waddled back toward the room. You unmistakingly heard your name as you got closer. The voice was unrecognizable. You weren’t unfamiliar with supernatural things and, unlike Joel, you gave it some weight. Your mind immediately went to a ghost because you racked your brain and could not place that unique voice. You tried to rationalize that it was possible there were people you hadn’t met within the settlement. Regardless, you were nothing more than curious. Carefully, you sat down and uncovered the radio. 

You picked up the attached microphone. “Hello?”

“Hi!” A staticky reply emitted.

“How are you?” You didn't know what else to say; it was your default response. 

“I am well. The question is how are you?”

“Um, good I guess. I’m sorry, who is this and how do you know me?” You sat there anxiously waiting for the answer.

The woman, Theresa, explained everything that Joel told her. Honestly, you were a bit peeved with him for not talking to you about this first; it was unlike him. You were very skeptical about her identity, but you had to admit that you enjoyed talking to her. Initially, you weren’t in the mood to socialize, but for a detached voice, she was very warm and inviting. She brought you out of your comfort zone and asked you about things you hadn’t answered in a while, things you didn’t know the answer to. After an hour or so, Theresa excused herself to check on her daughter. Those moments to yourself made you contemplate that what she was doing was soon to be your reality; it was all very surreal. 

After the radio had gone silent for several moments, you pressed the button on your microphone and told her that if she was too busy, they could always chat again another time. Theresa wholeheartedly agreed. From there, you kept yourself busy around the house until Joel got home. 

*****

“Baby, I’m home.” Joel shouted after closing the front door. “I brought lunch if you’re hungry.” He heard your footsteps approach him.

“Hey.” You stopped at the foot of the stairs. He watched you for a moment to see if you’d go further and hug him. Yet again, it was wishful thinking. He just had to keep being patient. “What did you get?”

“The bakery made pizza today.” Joel watched your eyes light up.

“What kind?”

“Venison and mushroom. How does that sound?”

“Sounds delicious!” You finally approached him to grab the box. Your hands brushed his. If the contact affected you, Joel didn’t notice. He took another moment to watch you nonchalantly set the box down onto the kitchen counter. It was one thing for him to initiate physical contact, but for you to do that, even unintentionally, offered a warm feeling through his body. “I’ll plate ‘em.”

“How was your day?”

“Oh you don’t know?”

“You implyin’ that I spy on you now?” His brow quirked up.

“Well, unless Theresa is a spy feeding you information to make sure I’m being a good girl…”

Joel choked on the water he poured for himself. “(Y/N), don’t do that. I’m just looking out for you. Now, Theresa—”

“Wait, so she is your spy?”

“No! That’s ridiculous.” He gazed at you in disbelief for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh. “I just want you to feel better so I figured you might like talking to someone who can relate. You know I’m always here for you, but sometimes I feel like, no matter how much I try, I can’t support you the way that you need to be supported.” He watched your eyes break contact and fall to your feet. “I only spoke to her yesterday about this before I came home. You were already asleep, so I planned on telling you over dinner.”

“Oh.”

“She called the radio already?”

“Yeah. Hadn’t used that thing in so long, I almost forgot how to work it.” You chuckled.

“Good practice then.” He chuckled too before trying another sip of water. “How’d it go?”

“She’s nice. I think I really liked talking to her.”

Joel’s brows raised. “That’s good! You gonna meet her in person next or stick to the radio?”

“Probably the radio a couple more times, but I think it’d be nice to have her and her daughter over for dinner one day. Maybe they’ll grow up together and be friends.” You shrugged as you clasped your hands under your belly.

“Speaking of growing up together, there’s something else we should talk about.”

“What is it?” You asked through a full mouth.

“It’s about Ellie.” You nodded, encouraging him to continue. “We’ve had her over for dinner and movies plenty of times now. I give her ridin’ lessons and you see her all the time at the daycare. We took her on that trip. So, you’d say we’re all pretty close, right?”

“Yeah.” You answered promptly. “As close anyone can get with her. She’s been making real good progress.”

“How do you feel about her being here more often? Like staying here? She’s gotten real comfortable around us and it’d help relieve Wendy a bit at the daycare. No one’s volunteered to take her in yet and we have the means to do it. We can give her a real home.” He looked at you with dough eyes. You loved it when he looked at you that way. It made him look so soft and vulnerable; so real. After a year of seeing his face grimace and furrow during the cross country trek, being able to witness other sides of him was a treat. It definitely softened you up, though you didn’t need to be to answer him.

“I think that’s a really good idea. I’d love to have her around more. I know she’s gotten used to her environment there since arriving in Jackson, but she’s getting older and may want her own room and stuff. So, are you talking about spending the night then going back or moving in?”

“Whatever she’s comfortable with. I was thinkin’ we can have her over for dinner this week and talk about it together.”

“Joel.”

“Mmm.” He answered, mouth full.

“Are you ready for this?”

He immediately knew what you meant by this. While he wasn’t in the mood to talk about Sarah or his feelings in general, he loved how in sync the two of you were for him to get your question. “Ellie is not Sarah; I know that.” He cleared his throat as a way to stall. “All I’m sayin’ is that, you don’t stop being a dad no matter what. She doesn’t have one at the moment���And I’m not sayin’ I’ll replace hers just like she won’t replace my Sarah, but if she’s ok with someone teachin’ her things and worryin’ over her and making sure she’s happy and healthy, then,” He shrugged. “I can do that.”

“Well if there’s one thing I learned from being with you is that you got enough love and worry to go around.” You joked. He grumbled in response to your observation. “How about tomorrow? If you’re not busy, we can have her over and see how she feels.”

“I’ll be back in time for dinner. Matter of fact, I’ll pick her and some food up on my way home.”

“You want me home all day now, remember? I can cook dinner and have it ready around four o’clock.”

“Don’t make it sound like I’m holding you hostage.”

“You did kidnap me before.” You said under your breath but he still heard.

“When did I kidnap you, (Y/N)?”

“The fireflies didn’t want me to leave.”

He sighed at the F word. “You were not there’s to keep, especially under false…Why are we talking about this, (Y/N)?” You shrugged. You forgave him for what he did, but still felt like he should be reminded every so often.  “Makes me feel like you’re not going to like what else I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Fuck me, that’s not a good start. What is it?”

“I want Dr. Carson to come see you again.”

“What, why? I just had a check up with him and everything was fine.”

“That was 15 days ago and now you’re in your third trimester. He may need to give you a physical based on, you know, third trimester standards. Make sure everything’s on the right track.”

You sighed in annoyance despite knowing he was right. “Yes, sir.”

Joel quirked a single eyebrow as he wiped his mouth. “I’m sir now? I think I like that.” He flashed you a flirtatious smile.

Playfully, you rolled your eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“What if it already has?”

“Oh my goodness, what have I done?” You took the plates and put them in the sink.

“You’ve always had a way with words.”

You chuckled. “I made that cake that we were supposed to make the other day. Want a slice?” 

“If you keep messin’ around and spoilin’ me, darlin’, I’m just gonna have to show you how much more I can spoil you.” You stood in front of him, bump and plump face in full view, and he still flirted with you like he did a few years ago. You tried to deny it, but you were getting turned on. Your cheeks hardly ever blushed, but still your skin felt hot as his eyes stayed on you. “Now I done embarrassed you, huh, darlin’? I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me like that.”

“Umm…” You looked around everywhere but him. You don’t remember the last time you felt so flustered around him. It’s usually you calming others down when Joel flusters people with his antics. “How about we go upstairs?”

Joel’s smile grew. He simply stretched out his hand and waited for you to take it. Before the two of you began to climb the stairs, he turned back around and jogged into the kitchen. “Almost forgot this. We can share.” He gestured to the slice of cake. 

I still got it, Joel thought to himself and his hand ghosted the small of your back. He was a step behind you, watching you as you walked up the rest of the way. Joel was admittedly proud of his flirting skills. Though he was excited to see how much further he could go with you, he was more than happy to do exactly what he did last week. 

He sat the plate down on the nightstand before going to close the shades. He knew you liked it as dark as possible; it was the only way you could enjoy it at the moment. He promised himself that he wouldn’t stop working on your confidence, but knew you only responded to baby steps. 

You sat up on the bed as you waited for him to come back. Your heart rate quickened as you felt the familiar dip on his side of the mattress. He was surprised to feel that you had already removed your shirt. He mirrored your actions as his desire to have skin to skin contact burned through him. He slid further to you, not enough to touch, but enough to feel the heat radiating off of you. He laid his palm flat between your breasts and slowly slid it further down until he met the peak of your bump. He kept rubbing around until he felt some kicks. Just as before, his eyes became glassy. The two of you stayed like that until you fell asleep.

[tloujm]

Part XXXV: New Things

Author’s Notes: Sorry I didn’t get a chance to put this up on Friday like I wanted to. I have a general idea on the direction that I want this storyline to go, which is different than before. The thing about it is that if I continue, it won’t end as soon as I originally anticipated. I’m going to be taking a trip in January, so I will be offline a lot, but to make up for not putting out full chapters, I’m thinking about making headcanons that fit within this universe to fill the time in between. 

Genre: Angst with a side of Fluff

Summary: Joel gives Ellie a horseback riding lesson and has a talk with Wendy. He meets a newish member of Jackson.

Ship: Joel x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.4k

“Don’t let go.” Ellie spoke up, fear laced in her voice.

“I won’t. Trust me, ” Joel replied quickly. “But most importantly, trust the horse.”

Joel was holding onto the reins of a young horse that Ellie was riding on. She only had a few lessons with the rest of the kids from the daycare prior to this private one with Joel. You and Wendy both agreed that since she was getting more comfortable with Jackson, that she may be ready to take on a hobby and what hobby was more useful than horseback riding. Joel really liked the idea as well. Regardless of if she started working routes or not, taking care of a horse taught a sense of discipline and responsibility.

In the months since he learned her name, she’d been using her voice a lot more, but mostly to get by rather than to express her personality. Therefore, it was moments like these that Joel really soaked in. Even if it was through fear, at least he knew he was witnessing the real Ellie. He was confident enough in not only his own skill level, but her connection to the horse to feel that she’d be ok. 

When she had her lessons with the rest of the kids, they all used well trained horses that were borrowed from other owners. This time, Joel wanted to make sure that she had her own so she could grow a connection and really get accustomed to the skill set. The first half of her first private lesson was spent picking out the horse. He was ok if it took her a long time to do so; the decision was more based on feeling than logic. 

The one she chose was not as trained up as Joel would have liked, but it was young and gentle; He figured they could grow together. This was one of the first horses Jackson had successfully bred. The settlement had been able to acquire such a large herd over years of trading and taming from the wild. It wasn’t until a year back when a pair of veterinarians began calling Jackson their home did the stable become a breeding ground. Joel’s goal was to get Ellie comfortable with riding first, then introduce the two of them to safe locations beyond the wall so they could experience riding in different terrain. 

“This one.” She said just above a whisper. Joel got off the pile of hay he settled on about a half hour back.

“Yeah? You sure?” He looked down at her. She nodded back up with confidence. “Good choice.” He moved into the stall to quickly examine the young animal. “Looks like a male. I think the vet said this one was a Morgan and American Quarter mix…Lemme check here…” He pulled out the clipboard hanging from the stall door. 

“Is that good?” 

He chuckled a bit. “Mmhmm, that’s good. Now Ellie, don’t it look like he needs a name?”

“He doesn’t have one yet?”

“His chart doesn’t show one. Probably because he’s still young.” He let her look at the clipboard with the worn out paper attached. She hardly understood the stats that the vet scribbled on there, but what she did notice was the blank next to the name row.

“Hmmm…” She timidly approached the horse even more by entering the stall. Joel moved out to give the two of them space. She examined him like a judge at a tournament. “How about Shimmer? His fur is so shiny.” It was evening, so the only light came from overhead in the stable. “I bet he shimmers in the daylight like the vampires from those comics! I can’t wait to take him out and see!”

“Shimmer?”

“What’s wrong with ‘Shimmer’?”

Joel scratched the back of his neck. “Nothing…I just uhh…didn’t know vampires shimmered.”

“Some think they just burn to ash in daylight, but that’s a myth. They just shimmer. At least that’s how the story goes.”

“Huh, didn’t know that. But, Ellie, that’s a male and names are kind of permanent.”

“No they’re not. If he doesn’t shimmer in the daylight like I thought he would, I’ll need to think of something else, but I think it suits him.”

Joel just gave a curt nod of acceptance. “As long as it suits him and you like it.”

The lesson lasted for a total of two hours. After one more lap around the training ground, Ellie and Joel decided to call it quits just in time for lunch. Their walk back to the daycare was mostly silent, but he made sure to tell her how good she did. 

While Ellie quickly ran off to get some food, Joel stuck around to look for Wendy. He thought it’d be safe to do so today since he convinced you this morning to take the day off. He was eager to get back to you, but had some business to take care of first. 

“Hey, Wendy, got a moment?” Joel stood at the door of her office and gave a quick knock before she beckoned him inside. She sat her pencil down as he closed the door behind him.

“How was the lesson?” She inquired.

“It went really well. I was hoping to make it a weekly thing.”

“That sounds wonderful, but if it went well, then I’m assuming that is not what you really wanted to talk about.”

“Uh no.” He wiped his hand across his beard before sitting down across from her desk. “How’s (Y/N) been when she comes here?” Wendy looked confused, so Joel elaborated. “Does she ever seem tired or out of it?”

“There were days where she’d seem more unlike herself than others, but she kept carrying on. I suggested she take more breaks or go home early, but she refused. I would have made her leave anyway, but we’d been short staffed lately and of course that happens when we get an influx of kids and she’s so good with them too; obviously you know how much progress Ellie’s made with her.”

“There’s no one else? ‘Cause my wife needs rest. I worry about her.”

“I worry about her too,” She noticed Joel’s glare didn’t falter. “Nowhere near as much as you, but close. And I know she’ll need time after she gives birth of course. Joel, I work on staffing all day. Either no one wants to do it or the ones who have the time aren’t qualified. I know I’m not in the place to be picky, but you should see the people who volunteer. We train and most do their best but, frankly, I don’t trust them alone with the kids and I don’t have time to supervise all the time when I’m needed elsewhere. I give them other work like maintenance, but I still need someone like…I need about 3 clones of (Y/N) quite honestly. At this point, I’m bribing the older kids with more snack rations to help me out with the younger ones.”

Joel chewed on the inside of his cheek as he contemplated. “I can take Ellie more.”

“Ellie’s been the least of my worries lately. For her age, she’s very independent and well behaved despite what she’s gone through. I give full credit to you and (Y/N) on that. And listen, every little bit helps, so I think everyone would benefit from you spending more time with her outside the daycare. As a matter of fact, have you thought about possibly fostering her? The three of you already have such a strong bond, but you can start with something temporary to gauge how everyone feels; baby steps.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Very similar to how foster care was before. She’ll move in, you and (Y/N) will receive the rations that I do to take care of her. Then, keep doing what you’re already doing with her.”

“We’re about to have a baby. I don’t think now is exactly the best time.”

“When are things in life ever good timing? But like I said, baby steps. Maybe have her just spend the weekends. She can help keep (Y/N) company when you’re away.”

“I’ll talk to (Y/N) about it when I get back. Even if all of that works, that’s just one kid. That barely alleviates our issue.”

“I understand that. Please trust that I am working on this expeditiously.”

“Well,” He sighed. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help with that.” Joel got up to leave, but turned back around before his hand reached the door knob. “My wife still needs help, Wendy. Help I don’t think I can give her.” His famous Joel glare disappeared and was replaced with a look of vulnerability. “Could you maybe…talk to her? From mom to mom? She has a lot of anxiety about the birth and afterwards. She told me…um…she said that she doesn’t feel connected to the baby.”

“I could talk to her, but I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to if she stays home and I’m almost always here. This is a serious matter, however. I believe with some extra attention and care, she’ll overcome this.” Wendy reached into her desk drawer for a scrap piece of paper. “Here, I’m going to write you down the address of someone who I think can better help (Y/N) than me. Her name is Theresa. She joined Jackson just earlier this year. I heard that a scouting group found her wandering with a newborn baby wrapped around her with a sling. They took her back here. I spent some time with her to see if she needed help caring for her child. She refused which was completely understandable; trusting strangers in this world with your most prized possession. I try to check in on her every so often so we won’t just stay strangers, but admittedly, it's been a while.”

Joel took the slip of paper. “I’ve never heard of her.”

“She keeps to herself. Just her and her baby in a small house on the other side of the settlement. She’s definitely been traumatized in some sort of way, but maybe her experiences were similar to (Y/N)’s.” Wendy noticed his hesitancy. “It’s worth trying at least. Maybe they can both find a friend in each other.”

“Thanks and uh, if you could keep this conversation between us? At least for right now. I don’t want (Y/N) thinkin’ I’m goin’ over her head or somethin’.” Joel asked to which Wendy nodded sympathetically.

Joel’s next mission was to find out more about Theresa. If he’d never heard of her, Tommy definitely would have. He made his way over to the stables after calling his brother on the walkie. He wanted to catch him before he went out on his route. During the walk, he wondered how this went under his radar; he thought he knew all of the citizens. 

“Does the prodigal brother return for more marital advice?” Tommy asked, barely turning his head in Joel’s direction as he continued to prep his horse.

“Not exactly.”

“What’s got you in a tizzy then?”

“Who is Theresa,” Joel looked back down at the slip. “Porter?”

“What happened? Did she do something?”

“So you know her?”

“Yeah.” Tommy shrugged nonchalantly.

“Who is she, Tommy? What’s her backstory? How did she get here?”

“She’s a woman that Dean found ‘bout a year back while his group was out looking for new checkpoints. She seemed distraught and in need, especially with an infant. Joel, that baby had to have only been a month old if that. They examined her and found her to be of no threat; there was no set up, no nothing. Maria was notified and she gave them clearance to bring her back. She personally escorted Theresa to the infirmary to check on her and the baby. She also set them up in a house on Pine avenue because it’s kind of secluded. She figured, at least, as a trial home just in case she did pose a danger later on. It worked out for her because she seemed introverted anyway. Like I said, that was a year ago and we haven’t had any trouble from her at all. She contributes to the community garden and such, so she does her part. Maria is the one who checks up on her.”

“Where’s Maria?”

“Busy.” Out of habit, Joel’s glare reappeared on his face, but out of everybody it had the least effect on Tommy. “Maria wouldn’t be able to tell you more than I just did, so there’s no sense in botherin’ her ‘bout it. Now, what’re you askin’ ‘bout Theresa for?”

“I took your advice about me and (Y/N),” Joel began. Tommy finally looked at him eagerly.

“And?”

“We made progress. We did something together and we talked. It really helped.”

“‘Thank you, Tommy’.” The younger brother impersonated Joel with a slightly stronger drawl and deeper voice. He flashed the famous glare, to which Tommy laughed.

“Despite that, (Y/N) needs help. I’ve supported her as much as I know how.” Joel began helping Tommy prep the horse as he talked. “I just got back from the daycare. I asked Wendy if she could talk to her, like girl talk, but she suggested Theresa would be better.”

“Oh, I see.”

“I didn’t know anything ‘bout this Theresa. Why is that, Tommy?”

“Don’t get your cowboy briefs in a bunch. It’s not like I intentionally hid her existence from you. It just didn’t seem like a big deal. You had just gone on your honeymoon and were away from the settlement when that happened. She wasn’t a danger, so it slipped my mind after you got back.”

“Is there anyone else I don’t know about here in Jackson?”

Tommy shrugged. “Probably a few. Listen, they’ve all either been vetted by me or Maria. You don’t need to worry yourself over every single thing that happens here. You’re about to be a dad again, you help out with Ellie a lot, and frankly, you’re an ol’ fogey; You need to start taking it easy.” Tommy tried to keep a serious face but couldn’t help the snickering. Joel scooped up a bunch of hay on the pitchfork and tossed it at him. “Hey!” 

Just like they did when they were kids, the Miller brothers playfully roughhoused in the stable. It only lasted for a few solid minutes as their worn bodies couldn’t handle it like they used to. When the straw settled on the floor, Tommy finished mounting his horse and Joel took off to his next destination. 

“Hello?” A woman peaked her head through the crack of the front door.

“Are you Theresa Porter?” The deep, southern voice questioned.

“Who’s asking?”

“I’m Joel Miller and—”

Theresa straightened up and opened the door a bit wider. “You’re the other Miller brother, huh? I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I wish I could say the same. But that’s why I’m here. Is now a good time to talk?” Joel glanced over her head and into the dark house. It was daytime, so it wasn’t weird to have all the lights off, but it still seemed unusually dark.

“Um sure, but what’s this about?”

“You’re not in trouble or anything. I just have a big favor; something you may be able to help me with. May I?” Joel gestured to go inside. She reluctantly let him in.

When he entered, she only turned on one lamp. “Sorry about the mess. Sometimes I just don’t get the time between work and the baby.” Joel grunted and nodded before sitting on her couch. He peered around, trying his best to be inconspicuous. One thing he noticed immediately was the lack of noise. It was dead silent in the house, though figured the child was asleep. 

“Can I get you something to drink? I got…tap water.” Theresa offered.

“No, thank you.” Joel liked how hospitable she was. It was a nurturing trait that, as a mom, may help you come into your own.

Theresa came back around and sat across from Joel. “What did you want to talk about again?”

“My wife actually. I heard that you had a baby and my wife is about to delivery our first—”

“Congratulations!” Her demeanor pepped up; another thing Joel liked.

He cleared his throat before continuing. “Thank you. She’s been feeling lonely and just down lately and I think she could use a new friend; someone who can relate to her. How old is your son or daughter?”

“Daughter. She is 11 months old.” She stated proudly.

“Is this your first too?”

“Yeah, she’s my first. My Saoirse.”

“That’s a pretty soundin’ name.”

“Thank you. Her father named her; He’s Irish.”

“Where is he now? If you don’t mind me askin’?”

“We got separated a long time ago. I think about him everyday and hope to see him again. I hope that he gets to see his daughter again, but I had to put her first. I wanted to keep searching for him, but then your crew found me. I was grateful enough for some supplies, then I would’ve been on my way, but they offered to take me in. Jackson has been so inviting and you all are some of the kindest people I’ve met.”

Joel grunted and nodded in response. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He took a heavy pause while thinking about what he’d do if he ever got separated from Sarah. He counted himself as blessed that her face never showed up on the missing people’s segment of the news. “I hope you all find each other soon.”

“I hope so too. I wanted to wait until she got a bit older before we went out to find him, but things aren’t going by plan.” She looked away somberly.

“This winter is lookin’ to be on the harsh side. Bet you’re itchin’ to get out there, but best to wait til the frost is over.”

She looked back up at Joel. “Yeah. I just hope he’s found a place as good as Jackson to take shelter. We originally had plans to go southward, so maybe he’s in a warmer place.” She smiled to herself. “I’m in good spirits about it. I have to for our little one. We’ll be a family again soon.”

“We can help you when the time comes.”

Her eyes lit up. “I’d appreciate that. Now, your wife…”

“(Y/N) Miller.”

“(Y/N). How far along is she exactly?”

“28 weeks.”

“Ah yes, she’s getting close. I could give her some of Saoirse’s hand-me-downs. Some I knitted myself!”

“That sounds very nice. I’m sure she’d like that. If I can get my hands on some knitting supplies, would you maybe teach her how to? She’s restless and wants to keep busy, but some of the activities she does, I feel, are not good for our baby.”

“Oh, we don’t want that.” Joel nodded in agreement. “I would be happy to show her! We can talk and knit a blanket together!”

“That sounds good. If it helps, you can bring Saoirse ‘round too if you don’t have anyone to look after her. Your house is a bit far from ours and I don’t feel comfortable with her walking that far especially with it gettin’ slick out now.”

Theresa shifted in her seat. “Of course, that makes total sense. I can do house visits.” She chuckled. “She just got over a minor cold so…”

“Oh.”

“But I just found a solid babysitter, so it won’t be too much of a problem.”

Joel nodded and offered up a small grin. “It’s gettin’ late and I don’t wanna hold you. We can talk more when you come by; Maybe we can all have dinner soon. Do you mind?” Joel gestured to a paper and marker on her coffee table. Theresa shook her head. “This is the frequency channel we are on. Feel free to use the ham radio at the stable if you don’t have one to give us a heads up when you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Joel. It does get lonely as a single mom, so I think this will be a nice change of pace.”

He nodded with another small grin before tipping his imaginary hat. “Have a good night.”

[tloujm]

YOU UPDATED OMG MY CHRISTMAS WISH CAME TRUE THANK YOU SO MUCH

Merry early Christmas 🎄 I will update again tomorrow!!!

[tloujm]

Part XXXIV: Prenatal II

Author’s Notes: Another installment as promised. I hope I’m doing these characters justice with their feelings. Whoever reads, I hope you like it! I’ll try to get another one queued up for next week. 

Genre: Heavy Angst with a side of Fluff

Summary: Joel takes his brother’s advice and finds an activity for the two of you to do together. At first, its going well, then the atmosphere turns sour. You finally reveal what’s been bothering you. Joel tries to sympathize with and process your emotions. 

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Joel unloaded the contents of his brown satchel onto the kitchen counter. First, it was the flour, then the sugar and eggs. Lastly, he took out the most important ingredient, a king size chocolate bar. He continued to move around the kitchen to prep the utensils when, as if on cue, you walked through the front door. It didn’t take long for you to follow the noise and find Joel. He turned to face you. An encouraging smile grew on his lips. For once, you didn’t look any more drained than you did when you first left the house. Maybe you were beginning to listen to him and take it easy. Still not at the point he wanted, but baby steps were better than nothing.

Silently, you asked what he was doing. “We’re going to make a cake together.” Joel simply uttered.

“Why?” You replied even more simply.

Joel shrugged. “Why not? I figured it’d be fun.”

“Mr. Texas finds baking fun?” You chuckled. It was dry but he noticed a bit of genuine humor.

“Mr. Texas was craving something sweet,” He tried to give you a subtly lustful look.

“Something sweet, huh?” You raised a brow while supporting your back.

“Mmhmm. And guess what flavor?” You hummed in question. Swiftly, he slid the chocolate bar off the counter and placed it in your hand. He stayed just as close to you and lowered his voice. “I know chocolate is your favorite, plus I heard it was something of an aphrodisiac.”

“Maybe another time, Joel, my back hurts.” You began to move out of the kitchen when he spoke up.

“I can massage it.” He stepped forward, about to ask where exactly it hurt.

“No.” You curtly responded. “Thank you though.”

Joel tried to mask a feeling of defeat until a new idea popped into his head. “Hold on.” He lifted a single finger before running to the living room to get a couple of couch pillows. “Try this.” He positioned them on the wooden kitchen chair before gesturing for you to take a seat. “I figured it would go nicely with the dinner I picked up for us, but there won’t be any cake until we put all of this together. Now, are you comfortable?”

You nodded but knew that he needed to hear it. “Yes.”

“Good. I'll bring the stuff over to you.”

Most of the work was done in silence. You were hard to read. It was not necessarily awkward, but he took the time to observe you regardless. Your brows furrowed ever so slightly in concentration as you read the recipe. Your eyes however looked bored, like you didn’t want to be there. Was it the act of baking or was it him? Joel questioned this over and over again as he continued his attempt to read your mind. He knew it was a fruitless venture and because of this, he was also searching for the right words to break the silence. 

Before that could even happen, he accidentally stubbed his toe against the island which caused him to drop the measuring cup of oil all over your shirt. He grunted in pain for a moment before realizing the mess he made. The stain was atop your heavy bump. His eyes raked your body from your middle to your eyes. In that moment, he knew he fucked up. Your eyes turned hard. With a tone of annoyance, you mumbled that it was your favorite shirt and that the stain would never come out. Before he could apologize, you grasped for whatever was closest to you, which was the cup of water and splashed it on his shirt. “Now we’re even.” He looked at you in disbelief. That night could have ended one of two ways: laughing about the accident, or letting it wedge the two of you even further away.

Joel inconspicuously pinched some flour and flicked it on your hair. He knew that was sensitive territory, but wanted to avoid your eyes as well as making the stain worse. “My hair, Joel?” You matched his look of disbelief. If that’s how he wanted it, that’s how he can have it, you thought to yourself. He wasn’t sure what he’d gotten himself into, so he turned to grab a towel to clean you off with. You got up, one hand cradling your belly and the other reaching out for the carton of eggs. Approaching him from behind, you stood on your tip-toes and smashed the egg on top of his head. His eyes darted upward as he felt the slimy yolk run down his face. He scooped most of it off and threw it in the sink before focusing his attention on you.

The two of you stared at each other, both faces blank until Joel allowed a devious smirk to appear. Your eyes finally moved away from him and he took that moment to retaliate. Just as quickly, you moved around the island to distance yourself from him. Joel knew he could catch you if he really wanted to, pregnancy or not. Still, he enjoyed the game of cat and mouse that the two of you found yourselves in. You grabbed the empty measuring cup and sprinted the best you could to the sink to refill it. Before it even filled half way, Joel reached you with some more flour in his hand. Before he could wind his arm back, you threw the water in his face. The flour littered the floor as his hands pulled his shirt up over his face to dry off. In that time, you went back to the eggs to keep the upper hand. His eyes never left yours. You watched him scramble for items he could use that were within his view. Showing no mercy, you threw another egg at him, but with impressive agility, he managed to dodge it. The two of you watched as it slid down the backsplash. 

The two of you continued like this for about a half hour. Almost all of the ingredients that he traded for earlier that day were wasted. Instead of in the form of batter, everything was either on the walls, floor or your bodies. The mess that he knew he’d have to clean up was all worth it because he got to see the biggest smile and hear the hardiest laughter he’s witnessed from you in several weeks. The way your eyes crinkled and your gums showed because of how big your smile grew was an amazing feeling to both you and him. At some point, the two of you mutually agreed to call it quits.

“I think it’s time to get cleaned up.”

“I agree.” You huffed.

“How about a nice hot shower. Or a bath if you want to get off your feet.”

“That sounds nice. I think a shower will be better; I don’t want to sit in a pool of flour and egg residue. If you don’t mind, I’ll go first. I promise I won’t take up all of the hot water this time.” Her eyes didn’t meet yours but she offered up a small, genuine grin.

“Well, you won’t have to worry about that if we take it together, darlin’.” He moved closer to you which caused your body to go rigid. “How does that sound? We can have dinner afterwards and the chocolate bar was left untouched, so we can have that for, uh, dessert.” He raised a brow with a lustful yet loving gaze with the hopes of softening your stance.

“Oh, um, now that I think of it, I think a bath will sooth my back. I’ll go up and draw it up, ok?”

“You sure? You can rest and I can—” Joel began to suggest.

“I’m sure.” You turned on your heel and leaned against the railing as you walked up stairs.

Joel took a moment to watch, fighting the urge to help you steady yourself. “I’ll tidy up the kitchen while you do that.”

He let you take your time by cleaning up the entire kitchen. It’d been a while since the two of you shared a bath or shower, but one would always shout for the other that they were ready. After all was done in the kitchen, he’d still not heard from you. He jogged up the stairs to check on you. Pushing the bathroom door open a little bit wider, he found you already in the tub. No waiting for him to undress you or help you into the tub. “Already comfortable?” He really wanted to ask why you didn’t wait for him. You nodded in response. His eyes stayed on you. He noticed that your skin and hair were already clean and came to the conclusion that you even made the time to take a quick shower first.

Not thinking too much of it, he began to undress in front of you just like he’d done plenty of times before. It was never an easy task, ripping your eyes away from your favorite body parts of his. You let them linger while the shirt was over his head, but reverted back to looking down at the bubbles when he was done. His eyes laid back onto you when he was completely done. Without words, you scooched forward to give him room. You watched the water flow back and forth as he settled down behind you with a deep sigh. He noticed how your gaze was fixated on something in front of you. 

With a lack of physical intimacy, Joel’s body was excited to be so close to yours. He never pushed you to do anything you didn’t want to, but has made several advances since the last time the two of you made love during your first trimester. He understood that sometimes you just weren’t in the mood from exhaustion or hormonal changes, but couldn’t understand why he was rejected every single time. He was spoiled from years of often being in sync with you physically.

It took a blow to Joel’s ego when he felt the awkward response to his hard on pressing against your lower back. If he could control it, he would, but his body craved you so much. He breathed through the pressure, hoping to slow the continuing flow of blood to his cock. Gingerly, he reached out to graze your shoulders when you swiftly stood up to wrap a towel around yourself.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Joel said almost in a whisper. He didn’t look up until you responded.

“It’s ok.” You finally turned to face him.

“Is it?” Joel asked, holding your gaze. That was a first for him, apologizing for just wanting his wife. It made him feel inadequate. You said nothing before breaking eye contact and leaving him alone in the bathroom. 

The persistent pressure from his groin pulled his thoughts away from the fact that you just left him there. He kneaded himself out only to find release as he knew this time the commonly adjoining pleasure would not be there. Now limp, Joel was left feeling defeated again and he was tired of it. Quickly, he cleaned himself up and hopped out the tub. In nothing but a towel wrapped low around his waist, he entered your shared bedroom.

You were found sitting on your side of the bed fully clothed. “I miss you.” Joel stated simply. You looked up at him with an air of disappointment. He waited for a response that never came. “Do you miss me?”

“I do…” It sounded like you were going to add a ‘but’. Instead, you struggled to find your next words.

“What did I do?” Joel asked.

“You’ve done everything right.” You began to look down at your hands.

“Everything right?” Joel scoffed. “Which part of those right things made you hate me then, (Y/N)? I repulse you now, so what changed?” His eyes were glassy from thinking about how this conversation was beginning to parallel with the one he had with Sarah’s mom before she left them. This time, his tone was more firm. He didn’t want to intimidate you, but he desperately needed answers or else he truly didn’t know what he was going to do next. 

“I hate me! I’m repulsed by me!” You shouted abruptly, pointing at yourself. “I mean look at you,” Your eyes refused to meet Joel’s but settled on his imperfectly perfect toned physique still wet from the bath. “But I don’t even fucking recognize myself anymore.” Joel was admittedly confused by your confession. There was never a point where he stopped thinking of you in the same way, so he couldn’t wrap his mind around why your thoughts were different. Your body was changing to create his child. He couldn’t be more in love with you because of that, but instead you hated yourself? He made a move to step closer. “Don’t!” You stopped him in his tracks with bass in your voice. “I don’t need your pity. You wanted to know, so there it is.” You sniffled. “And also so you know, I miss you desperately and I never wanted you to think otherwise, but how was I supposed to express that I couldn’t possibly fathom so much as standing next to you without feeling bad because I was so disgusted with myself. It hurt me every single time I pushed you away, but…I didn’t want you to get too close and risk seeing what I see. I just wanted to keep it that way until,” You shrugged. “everything was back to normal again.” The sniffles became a stream of tears and whimpers. 

Joel’s heart broke right in front of you. “Oh, baby girl…” He didn’t know what else to do other than follow his instinct and reach out again. It was subtle, but he saw how you shifted further away from him and closer to the headboard. He settled for sitting at the foot of the bed. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You’ve apologized enough. You never did anything wrong.”

“I was focused on my needs.”

“No you weren’t. You were always focused on mine.” 

“And still I didn’t realize.”

You began to whisper. “I should be the sorry one. I’ve treated you so horribly! I don’t deserve you, Joel.”

Joel got up and repositioned the towel before walking up to you. He didn’t care if you moved away; he needed to shut this shit down. The way Joel saw it, he was forever indebted to you for forgiving and loving him despite his lies and other actions. He crouched down and positioned himself between your legs so you would be forced to face him. “You’re breaking my heart, darlin’. I need you to not say things like that, ok?”

You could only imagine how you looked to him from that angle. Probably like a stuffed pig, you thought. “Stop, please.” Turning your head, you recoiled at the thought. Tears flowed out at a faster rate. It left a burning feeling in Joel’s chest as he watched. 

“Baby, your body is not meant to be the same. If it was, our baby wouldn’t be able to grow and be healthy. I need you to understand that what is happening is important for them to thrive. I also need you to understand that with every stage of this pregnancy, I’ve loved you even more.”

“I get that but I still hate this. I feel like there’s nothing I can do to change that.  Even after I give birth, It’ll never be the same.”

“What won’t?”

“Everything!” Tears began to stream down again. He reached up and you only allowed him to wipe away one before you batted his hand away. On top of all of your emotions, you felt embarrassed for being so shallow despite knowing what your body needed to go through.

He nodded while biting back his own tears. “You’re right; nothing will be exactly the same. There will be big changes in our lives soon, but it’s only going to be for the better; I promise you.” He squeezed your thigh. It took everything in you not to jerk it away. At this point, it was almost instinctual. “There will be things that won’t change though. I’ll find you just as sexy as I do now. Shoot, I might just even more.” He forced a chuckle to see if it’d lighten the mood. It didn’t. After a few beats of silence, he spoke up again. “Baby, I need you to believe me. Please.” His eyes pleaded as they beckoned you to look at him again.

You began crying harder. Immediately, Joel stood up and sat next to you so he could pull you into his embrace. To his surprise, you didn’t resist. You truly missed him. You were tired of pushing him away and just wanted his comfort. “I’m so scared, Joel.”

“It’s ok to feel scared sometimes. Remember I was too. Still am, truth be told.”

“This is different.” You choked on your cries and began to hiccup. “Please don’t hate me.”

“Why would I hate you?” He gripped your chin and tilted it up so you could see the honesty in his eyes. “That will never happen, ok?”

You sat there crying into his shoulder for a solid minute before you finally spoke up. “I don’t feel anything for the baby anymore.” Joel was taken aback. He’s tried to rationalize your words thus far, but now he’s struggling. “I was excited. To create something with you in this way was something I fantasized about for a long time, but sometimes I wonder if it was worth it.”

“Of course it was worth it.” He replied, without missing a beat.

“I’m not ready for this.” You began shaking your head fervently before your words exploded out. “I feel the kicks, but I don’t feel excited anymore. I only rub my belly to ease the pain, not to feel some sort of connection. I feel miserable everyday. I eat like a fucking pig when you’re not around because I’m always starving, but most times I can barely keep any of it down. The fucking nausea was supposed to end months ago! I still work to give myself purpose, but it’s mostly to stay active. I can’t hold shit down yet I look like I’m carrying triplets. I mean, I don’t know what else to do! I can’t go ten minutes without wanting to fucking piss myself! And I haven’t gone without some sort of ache or pain in months. I know all of this whining is nothing compared to what I have to look forward to in a few weeks. Sometimes I wonder what if something happens to the baby and it was all for nothing; my body did all of this for nothing? I’m trying so hard, but...” You hesitated. ”What if I resent the baby when I see them for the first time? We shouldn’t have done this, Joel.”

“Don’t say that, baby. Don’t say that.” Joel held you tight as he gently rocked you back and forth. “I promise you it won’t be like that, you hear me?” He waited a beat longer than he usually did before asking again with a slightly more firm tone. “(Y/N)?”

“I hear you.” You replied. You couldn’t recognize your own voice either as a huge lump was stuck in your throat. 

Joel sat there with you for several minutes and during that time, you worked on getting reacquainted with your husband’s touch. Very gently, he maneuvered your body to lay back on your side of the bed. You felt the heat of his body disappear as he got up to turn off all of the lights in the room. With only a new moon out, the room suddenly became pitch black. You felt the bed dip on his side. The indentation deepened as he slid closer to you. Joel ghosted his hand over your belly, an action you have not allowed him to remotely do in months. Because of this, Joel had not been able to bond with his child as much as he wanted. The closest he would get was catching rare glimpses of subtle movement under your baggy shirts. He saw your pregnancy as a second chance; a chance to do things differently. With Sarah’s mom, he was more timid as he was just a teen. Still, he took responsibility and did things like buying his first car so he could drive her to doctor appointments. He was supportive, but was too nervous to initiate any sort of connection with his daughter until she was born. 

Little by little, his hand lowered until it reached your taught skin. The feel of his warmth was familiar but something of a shock to the system. He rubbed in one direction under the bump until he felt a kick. It took everything in him to avoid any sudden reactions so as to not harm the progress he made with you. He couldn’t help, however, wanting to experience more; it was almost addicting. Many questions came to the forefront of his mind, some familiar, some new. For a moment, he pretended that it was Sarah. He knew it was a weird notion, one that he would never speak of, but it gave him an immense amount of comfort. 

[tloujm]

Part XXXIII: Prenatal

Author’s Notes: Because I haven’t posted in a while, here’s another I happened to get ready in time.

Genre: Angst

Summary: There is a time jump between this and the last chapter. Last, the reader was at 15 weeks (4 1/2 months). Now the reader is around 24 weeks, the end of the second trimester. Joel has concern for you. It leaves a strain in the relationship as your behavior changes a bit. Mostly Joel and Tommy fluffy brotherly bonding.

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

“(Y/N).” Joel called your name a third time. He sat across from you at the kitchen island. Admittedly, you came to the second time he said your name, but ignored him in hopes that he’d give up. Your eyes finally blinked and gazed up at him. “Don’t forget to take these. You’ve been forgettin’ lately.” He tapped the napkin with your prenatal vitamins on them. He watched as you slowly reached out. “What’s on your mind, darlin’?”

You shrugged. Joel looked at you intently, so you knew he wanted an actual answer. “I just feel lethargic.”

“Wanna go back to bed? Nothin’ wrong with that.” He suggested sympathetically. 

You shook your head gingerly. “No, I just got up. If I go back, I don’t think I’ll be able to heave myself back up.”

He chuckled. “You are nowhere near that big.”

You just offered up a tiny grin. “I have things to do. I can’t go back to bed.”

“Wendy’ll understand.”

“And what about Ellie?” You questioned.

“She will too.” He shrugged. 

He’d grown to care for Ellie in a special way; a way reminiscent of how he softened up to you when the two of you trekked across the country or similar to how he cared for his own daughter. Despite that, you were his number one priority and if you felt burned out, he would rather you rest than work at the daycare. He knew it’s a high energy job. It was rare, but sometimes Ellie would require the most energy of all the kids. Joel could see how much strength was in that little girl for her to have endured as much as she had, but it was at the cost of traumatic stress. Joel was familiar with the territory, so he never backed down from the challenge to help her. It was always baby steps with her; some days were better than others. 

“Listen baby girl, you gon’ ahead and rest. I can’t cover your shift or anything but I can stop and see if Ellie wants to have dinner with us again. She might feel up to it. If not, I’ll just stay and sit with her.”

“No, it’s okay. Once I get outside and start walking around, I’ll be fine. I’ll tell her you said hi.”

His eyes bounced around your face to read it. “If you’re sure.” You nodded before getting up to put your plate in the sink. Joel stood up and slid it out of your hands so he could do it. “You be careful.”

“I know.”

“I mean it.” He said as gently as possible.

“I know you mean it.” You responded. He caught a twinge of annoyance in your voice.

“Now don’t start, (Y/N). I’m only lookin’ out for you. I just…I just need you to take it easy.”

“I’m fine. I mean it.” 

He let out a heavy sigh before walking in front of you. “Just do me a favor. Stay hydrated and if you start to feel tired, listen to your body and sit down. Tell Wendy you need a break.”

“That's technically three favors.” You joked dryly.

“Ha ha, ok, three favors. Just, baby,---”

“Take it easy?”

“Mmhmm” He hummed before pulling you closer to leave a kiss on your forehead. “Got your walkie?”

“Yup.” You took it out of your back pocket and waved it in his line of view. 

“Call me if you need me, darlin’.”

For the past few months whenever you’d leave the house first, Joel would stand by the living room window and watch you walk off until you turned the corner and were out of sight. It didn’t take long for you to catch on. You understood him being more clingy because of the baby, but sometimes you felt like it was too much and on the days that you didn’t struggle getting up for the day, you would try to sneak out so he wouldn’t do so. It took about 3-4 times before he caught on. It made him think about if he was overdoing it, but he couldn’t help but worry over you, especially since you were practically in your third trimester. 

*********

“Hey there, brother.” Tommy greeted Joel from the window.

“Y’alright if I come on up?” Joel shouted up to the guard tower.

“Ain’t nobody but me up here. Why don’t you keep me company for a bit.”

Joel nodded. “Alright.” He grunted a couple times while he climbed the ladder. Tommy opened the hatch to the door.

“Beer?” Tommy handed him an unmarked glass with slightly murky amber liquid.

“Who made this backwoods bottle of hooch?” Joel was suspicious after removing the cork.

“Me. New hobby I took up. Maria said I needed one. I told her keeping Jackson safe was mine, but that wasn’t enough for her.”

Joel swirled it around before taking a whiff. “I’m sure she’s just tryna look out for you.”

“Well, she said I need something to do to take my mind off of Jackson sometimes.”

 “When d’you start doin’ this?”

“Few months back.”

“And you just now tellin’ me?”

“I didn’t wanna say nothin’ just in case it didn’t come out good. Once I fine tune it, I might try and convince ‘em at The Hole to start offerin’ it.”

“Look at that, my baby brother found himself a callin’.”

“Quit the gushy talk and just try it.”

Joel began to put the bottle to his lips but stopped. “You first.” He quirked an eyebrow.

Tommy held up his almost empty bottle. “I’ve already dranken mine.”

“Mmhmm.” Joel hummed before taking an actual swig. It sat in his mouth for a moment to judge the flavor and body before swallowing. It was a unique taste for sure. There was no other direction for it to go but back out or down his throat. Finally, Joel swallowed followed by a fit of coughs. “Damn, brother! This an ale or malt liquor?”

Tommy chuckled before leaning back in his chair. “I like to think of each of the brews as my children. Each one is unique and develops their own personality as they age.”

“Is that what you’re gonna tell Seth down at The Hole? Gotta develop a recipe and choose which one you’re gonna go with.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Tommy considered.

“Pfft…maybe.” Joel chuckled while shaking his head. “Never gon’ listen to your big brother, are you?” He tried another tiny swig.

“Let’s not go down that road.”

“What are you doing up here anyway? You usually push your guard duties off on someone else.”

“I figured I should start leading by example for the new folks that just came in, even though I think it’s the most boring job in Jackson. I don’t know how this appeals to you.”

Joel chuckled again. “It don’t necessarily appeal to me. I just don’t find it borin’. It’s a time to contemplate and people watch and most importantly, do my job.” He kicked the younger brother’s leg so he could sit up straight and look out the window.

Tommy feigned annoyance. “So what brings you my way? In need of some advice from Dr. Thomas?”

“Can’t just come to visit my brother?”

“Well I know this ain’t one of them visits.” 

“How do you know?”

“I saw it on your face ‘fore you even climbed the ladder.” Tommy looked proud at his ability to read people.

“Is that so?” Joel quirked an eyebrow again. 

“Quite so. You had a face that said there was trouble in paradise.”

“There’d been trouble in paradise for a little while now.”

“Uh oh. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know, man. I just know most days she’s not happy anymore. Like today, she woke up in a mood. Before, I’d push her to open up to me and ask what was wrong, but that seemed to bother her more. I figured maybe I was being too pushy, so I give her more space now.”

“Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones?” Tommy suggested.

“I don’t know. I expected more crying than usual and weird cravings. I was prepared for that. I love that woman, Tommy. Do you think…she don’t trust me anymore? Am I too much?”

“No, Joel…I mean you can be, but,” Tommy sighed, struggling to figure out what to say next. “Look, I’m not in your relationship so I can’t really say anything on anything, but I know you two are meant to be together. It’s just a rough patch, I’m sure. Now, I may not be a father, but I do know that adding a baby into the mix when things aren’t settled will only put more stress on y’all, so I suggest trying to work it out before my little nephew comes.”

“We don’t know what it’s gonna be yet and what do you think I’ve been doing so far? She’s…she’s been slipping, Tommy, and I don’t know if it’s on purpose or not.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Joel sighed, hating to think about what he was about to say. “She’d been doing little things that add up. Things that I’m afraid are putting our baby at risk.” 

Tommy’s eyebrows shot up. “Like what?��

“She’s stopped taking everything the doctor's given her, like the perinatal vitamins. I know they’re only vitamins, but out here they are a precious commodity. I have to physically put them in her hand and watch her take it or else she won’t. I count them in the bottle now. Same thing with her blood pressure meds. If she don’t take ‘em, Tommy, what if it turns into…uh…uh…Preeclampsia or somethin’. That could put both of ‘em at risk. I’m not losing them too, Tommy.”

“You won’t.” He tried to sound optimistic.

“The only medicine she’ll take is for her nausea.”

“She still gets that at this stage? Isn’t she in her third trimester now?”

“Next week she will be. The doctor said it was uncommon, but it could still happen this late. Laura makes her this herbal tincture that helps a lot. That she takes religiously.” Joel looked up at his brother. “You know she passed out ‘bout a week back?”

“Hold on, she passed out? Why didn’t you say nothin’?”

“Luckily, the doctor wasn’t too far away so we didn’t need a fuss made. But Tommy, I was so fuckin’ scared. I watched her…her body just go limp—”

“It’s alright, Joel, you don’t h—”

“Nah, it’s fine.” He tried to hide his sniffles. “She was too far away for me to catch her. Thank God she didn’t fall forward; she fell back on the high grass.”

“I can’t believe that happened.” Tommy muttered. 

“It was from dehydration. The doctor said that she is more susceptible to it with the heat and the vomiting and then, you know, sharing her nutrients with the baby. I make sure she drinks water around me, but she doesn’t have that glow like she did early on. I don’t wanna be paranoid, but I half expect to hear a call over the walkie saying that she passed out again. I try to get the doc to stop by and check on her more often, but he’s a busy man.” Joel sighed. “Looking back, she began doin’ all this about a month or two back. I shoulda seen it then.”

“You’re more aware now.”

“I wish she’d take it easy. She keeps going out to the daycare to work everyday. Last thing I want is for her to be on bed rest. I know that wouldn’t help her mood; Lord knows I hated it. Not that I want it to get to that point, but at least I’d have a better peace of mind knowing that she wasn’t over extending herself or the baby.”

“Wendy’ll look after her. Me and Maria can stop by more too and check on her and Ellie.” Tommy suggested to which Joel nodded. “‘Til then, still try to talk to her. She’s bottling something up for some reason. You just gotta figure it out.”

“Yeah…” Joel’s head hung low.

“When was the last time you did something nice for her?”

“All the time. I make her breakfast and bring her back dinner from The Hole. I used to pick her up, rub her feet and give her back massages, but she’s been more sensitive these days; she don’t like ‘em no more.”

“And who said chivalry wasn’t dead.” Tommy smirked.

Joel glared at him. “Just tell me what you recommend, doc.”

“Do something nice with her this time. Something you two can enjoy together. Maybe she feels too…” He tried to think of the right word. “Smothered.”

“Smothered?”

“You heard me. Maybe she feels that you are doing things for her as if she can’t do it on her own and it’s bothering her but she doesn’t know how to tell you. Allowing her to do something with you will give her a sense of purpose. Maybe that’s why she’s always at the daycare.” Joel continued to glare but more contemplatively than defensively. “But I could be wrong. Still, doesn’t hurt to try a little couples activity. Speaking of…”

“I’m not talking about my sex life with you.”

“It was only for professional, brotherly reasons.” Tommy defended.

“Alright, doc. Well how are you and Maria?”

With a shit eating grin that Maria would’ve smacked off of him, Tommy replied. “Oh we’re great!”

[tloujm]

Part XXXII: Check in and Check up

Author’s Notes: Hey! I’m back for right now. I’ve been having this rollercoaster of conflicting emotions every time I write now; Sometimes I get real excited and other times I feel like it doesn’t matter. I want to end the series soon so I don’t feel guilty for being so inconsistent and I think I’ll end it soon after the baby is born then probably follow it up with some epilogue type one shots here and there. I still love the TLOU fandom though! I can’t wait for more Joel content. I’ve written enough to last through the month of December if I space it out weekly. I’m working on writing some more because I have recently rearranged some stuff in my life to relieve stress and open up my time more. 

Genre: Fluff & Angst

Summary: Direct sequel to the previous chapter. You and Joel get a check up by the local doctor plus a little time jump with angst at the end. 

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2k

Tommy set up a home visit from the doctor to check up on the both of you. It’d be your first prenatal check up. You didn’t know what to expect. Maybe some vitamins and the basic weight and blood pressure measurements. For Joel, all he wanted was to be told that he had a clean bill of health. The doctor initially left him with a single crutch that had seen better days to help relieve the pressure on his sprained ankle. That was all he could do instead of a formal visit on account of being busy with the bodies. Joel’s ankle was worse than he let on which is why you insisted on bed rest. Other than that and a few cuts and bruises, you knew Joel was lucky to have gotten off so easily.

Joel insisted that you get checked first when Doctor Carson arrived at the house. You wore layers, so you were asked to strip down to just your tank top and leggings. Your husband quickly discarded the useless crutch and leaned against a wall while he watched on. Last night, he timidly ran his hand across your belly. His touch was ginger; barely there and featherlight. As he stood there watching you remove your sweater, he remembered how you guided his hand and laid it flush against your soft skin. The heat radiated from your middle like a burning furnace, or maybe that’s how he felt. The anxiety he got from that weirded him out. He’d experienced fatherhood before, so he couldn’t understand why he felt like a teenager again, finding out for the first time that he was going to be someone’s dad.. 

He remembered gliding his hand up and down your belly as soon as you let go of him. There wasn’t much there yet, but he could definitely tell the difference. The two of you basically fell asleep that way, then you woke up and got ready before he did. It dawned on him when the doctor began his examination, that this was the first time he was actually seeing the bump. It was all he could look at. It looked bigger than how it felt. Could she have grown that much since then?, he thought to himself before shaking the foolish thought away. How were you so good at hiding it? 

Doctor Carson pulled out some measuring tape from his bag and wrapped it around the peak of your small bump. You looked down trying to catch the number. He mumbled a number before scribbling it down in his notebook. Next, he wrapped the black cuff around your arm and took your blood pressure. Again he mumbled some numbers that you barely caught and wrote them down. During the entire process, your eyes were on Joel. He didn’t quite notice at first, but when his eyes finally met yours, a wide smile appeared on your face. It proved infectious as he grew one too. 

Next up was the ultrasound. You thought it was too early to hear anything, but based on his findings, you were further along than you thought. You and Joel both silently pondered the accurate date of conception. The edge of Joel’s lip tweaked up at the memory. He wondered if the same one popped up in your head. The doctor guided you to the couch so you could lay down. Afterwards, he reached into his bag and pulled out a portable device that you’d never seen before. You pulled your shirt up just below your bra. 

Doctor Carson clicked the device on. “If all is well, we’ll get to hear your baby’s heart beating for the first time.” As if on cue, you and Joel looked at each other. “Ready?” You watched Joel nod, so in turn you nodded at the doctor. 

“Oh…” Joel kind of grunted. It took a few beats for it to really register for him that this being really existed and that it was all really happening. He leaned further against the couch and caressed your cheek. Your eyes were glassy and his thumb was ready to wipe the tears away. You kissed his wrist as the beats sounded at a healthy rate.

“Can you believe that?” You whispered to Joel while the doctor put the machine away.

“With you? Yes.” He tried to say in his steadiest voice. He truly didn’t see himself experiencing fatherhood again, but felt blessed that he got to with you. 

You pulled your shirt down and sat up to give Joel room to limp over and sit. Doctor Carson sat on the coffee table and placed the injured ankle on his lap. After removing the bandages and brace, he began poking and prodding. Joel took it like a champ but you could tell he was holding back a wince or two. You hated seeing him in pain, even if you knew he could handle it. 

“How does that feel?” The doctor pushed his finger deeper into the flesh.

“Feels fine.” Joel countered.

“How about here?” He quickly chose another spot on the other side of the foot, to which Joel flinched. “A bit tender, eh?”

“Yeah, a bit.“ Joel hissed.

The doctor checked his other vitals when he got the matter of his ankle out of the way. He replaced the bandages from the cuts before reaching into his bag again. First, he gave you a bottle of prenatal vitamins. Then, he gave Joel a handmade paste that was meant to have numbing and antibacterial properties. After rationing out some pain killers, he applied some of the balm and rewrapped the bandage around it. 

“Thank you for your service.” The doctor said to Joel before leaving.

“My service?”

“Your contribution to Jackson. If it weren’t for you and your team, we wouldn’t have these supplies.” He turned and almost walked out the door before turning back around. “Oh and congratulations.”

*********************

It was a surprisingly still night. Joel pondered this as he sat in his craft room with a narrow brush in one hand and the barrel of his revolver in the other. It’d been raining for 3 days straight. Tonight, however, no wind and clear enough skies to see the half full moon. His hands mindlessly cleaned the gun as they’d done for decades. 

Reflexively, Joel snapped the chambers back into place and gripped the handle before turning to find the source of a creak outside the door. He knew the gun wasn’t loaded, but whoever was intruding in his house didn’t know that. During a pause of silence, Joel contemplated loading the gun quickly and quietly so he could actually protect you. As soon as the thought entered his mind, he heard a soft knock at the door followed by a slow turn on the doorknob. 

You poked your head in just in time for him to put the revolver back on the table. Your eyes darted around the room for a few seconds to gather some answers. Regardless, you were going to ask him anyway. 

“What are you doing in here this late?” You asked in a soft, sleep laced voice. Next was your 15 week belly that came into the room, followed by the rest of your body. 

“You know what they say about idle hands, darlin,” He replied with a shrug.

“They don’t have to be idle if they’re holding me.” You smirked. “Let’s go back to that. Please?” You reached your hand towards him while nodding toward the door.

Joel lifted his weary eyes to your palm. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Why?” You exclaimed.

He shrugged. “I…my mind won’t…stop, darlin’.”

“Where is your mind, Joel?”

“In a place I know it shouldn’t be.” That was all he revealed. Again, you reached out your hand. 

Joel could never deny you, even though he knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep again once he got to bed. His mind was restless and he’d rather distract it with work than lay rigid in bed. He knew you wouldn’t be able to fall back to sleep next to him that way. 

He took your hand and let you guide him back. You finally let go when the two of you got to his side of the bed. His eyes followed as you walked around to the window and opened it a crack to let the fresh air in. 

Unlike what he imagined, you turned to your side underneath the covers and opened your arms. He preferred to be the big spoon, but rarely rejected it when you offered. Without hesitation, he laid his head on your soft, warm chest. Any other time, he’d lay his entire body on top of yours; to you he felt like a weighted blanket and you loved it. Ever since you grew the slightest bump, he settled for laying on his side next to you.

Joel was rarely this close to your breasts without fondling them in some sort of way. He’d have an innate urge to kiss or at least squeeze them, but he ignored it to instead focus on lulling himself to the rhythmic up and down of your breathing. You reached down and gently raked your nails across his cheeks and beard. It helped him forget his worries immensely until you finally spoke up. 

“Where is your mind now?” You asked in your softest voice.

“In a better place.” His eyes still closed.

“Stay there then.” You paused. “Stay with me.”

“I don’t want to leave.”

“Did you have a nightmare?” Admittedly, you had always found comfort in Joel when you had a bad dream, but you could not recollect a time that he shared having one of his own. You thought that he must have had them, knowing all the things he’d seen and done. You knew he wasn’t the type to worry you over it, but you wished he didn’t feel that way.

“Not a nightmare.” He answered. You wanted to probe further, but didn’t want to put him back into a bad mindset. As you contemplated whether to let him just sleep or not, he spoke again. “I want the world for our baby. Same as I did for Sarah. I remember being scared out of my mind when I found out about her. That world was still dangerous, but this one is a whole new playin’ field.” He reached his hand out and spread his fingers across your belly. “I will do everything in my power to protect them, but I’m scared again, (Y/N) and I don’t like feelin’ that way.”

“That’s a normal feeling, love.” You said.

“I know. After Sarah died,” Joel cleared his throat. “I stopped feeling scared. I didn’t feel that way again ‘til I met you. I’ve been scared of losing you many times over. But I wouldn’t trade that feelin’ for anything in the world if it means I get to keep you, (Y/N). I know one day they won’t have me to protect them anymore, so all I can do is raise ‘em and teach ‘em the best I can.”

“That’s all we can do, baby.” Your fingers left his face and in turn raked themselves up and down his back. 

He let out a heavy sigh and with that, the conversation was over. You felt confident that he could peacefully go to sleep. You also felt confident that this was far from the first time that he will feel this way during your pregnancy. This feeling will probably get worse. Of course, you felt the same. It was an ongoing journey that you foresaw for the both of you. 

[tloujm]

Okay but your post just made me the happiest person ever. I am so excited for more Joel fic content from you!!!!!

You’re the sweetest fr ��I’m excited too!