#usually when something is up I know why! but nothing happened and ive still got this fucking dread eating at me and weighing me down!

[kristhekrispy]

why can't I do this

[pupyuj]

→ “long overdue.” || kim jiwon (liz) x reader.

— jiwon reunites with you, her old fling, at her brother’s bachelor party and with the sparks still in the air, you don’t waste any time to get familiar with her once more…

word count: 5.2k.

dynamic: dom!bottom!liz x sub!top!reader.

warnings: age gap (it's not much!), unnie kink, fwb to lovers, nipple play, oral fixation, cunnilingus, fingering, thigh riding, orgasm denial, edging.

a/n: FINALLY! a jiwon fic from moi 😭😭 this was supposed to be posted earlier on valentine's day but alas 💀 i really do wish i could've dropped something for feb 14th but back then i was bitter, lonely, sad, and angry so trying to write something cute and lovey-dovey was just not ideal LMAO but anyways, i hope you guys enjoy this fic 💚 only one more member and i will have officially written a fic for each of the ive unnies! WE CAN DO IT!! 😤✨ also i'm pretty sure i'm missing some warnings/tags but i'm too sleepy to remember them so...

jiwon doesn’t know why she agreed to chaperone her grown brother to his stupid bachelor party. as far as she knew, it was a boy thing. according to her brother, however, she was an exception and so, jiwon finds herself seated at the farthest corner of the bar in what might be the most expensive nightclub she has ever set foot in. she hasn’t even downed her first drink yet—she merely made a tiny tornado with the small umbrella while keeping an eye on her little brother and his ridiculous group of friends.

some of them were familiar to her, some weren’t. and some have repeatedly asked for her number in the past two and a half hours they’ve been in the place. it was after the eleventh time it happened that jiwon decided to go on her lonesome and sat on that one corner of the bar, silently waiting for the little party to end so she could get her nice, long and certainly well-deserved, sleep. jiwon really wished that she came up with some boring excuse to avoid this event. unfortunately, she couldn’t say no to her brother who was so kind to include her! 

perhaps he knew that jiwon needed to look at something that wasn’t the view from the big windows of that fancy condominium where she lives. on top of all that, jiwon has been working harder than usual. but that’s only because she quite literally has nothing else to do in her life. all of her friends were busy, she was busy, and it’s not like she can just hit up her coworkers for a quick drink after work when she barely knew them. in hindsight, jiwon sort of needed this!

jiwon raises her glass to her lips, but stops midway when something curious catches her attention. a girl, a bit younger than jiwon herself, confidently marches up towards her brother and does a very familiar handshake with him before hugging him tightly. jiwon watches as the girl and her brother chat a bit. they exchanged a few jokes here and there, the girl hands him a small bag (a gift to his soon-to-be wife, possibly), then her brother whispers in the girl’s ear as he exchanges glances with jiwon, and suddenly both of them were looking at her from across the nightclub.

jiwon nearly drops her glass when she sees the girl’s face clearly. it was you—(y/n) (l/n), her brother’s former roommate and best friend all throughout college! jiwon has met you before! back when her life was a goddamn mess and her entire family thought that you were her brother’s girlfriend. but then it turns out you were more like… his sister from a different family and so that was when you and jiwon started getting to know each other.

perhaps you got to know each other a bit too well… because jiwon remembers all those times when the two of you would hang out in her room for hours and f—

“jiwon-unnie!”

the blonde haired girl springs up from her seat and waved as you squeezed through multiple crowds of people until you got to her. wow, you were beautiful. taller, older, and obviously so much prettier than the last time jiwon saw you.

which was in between her le—

“i missed you so much!” you engulfed jiwon in a crushing bear-hug which she awkwardly returned. “oh wow, unnie, you’re gorgeous! blonde fits you so well.” you were saying as you pulled away, taking in all of jiwon’s features and even threading her soft hair from behind. jiwon got goosebumps under your touch—how the fuck was she supposed to act normal in this situation?

“i am so glad you’re here because as much as i love him, i’m not as much of a boys girl anymore.” you pulled jiwon back to her seat, taking the empty one right beside hers and immediately telling the bartender about your favorite drink. jiwon finds herself completely speechless. literally. you were vibrant, you were chatty, you were so charming—everything jiwon remembers that you were all those years ago.

“mmm. never gets old.” you said after taking the first sip of your drink. you then turned to jiwon who flinched upon making eye contact with you. “what have you been doing these days, unnie? i know you’re like, some kind of big deal at this rich-people company you work for but you know… what else?” you eyed jiwon up and down before smiling at her. not even the darkness and the nearly seizure-inducing lights of the nightclub could hide that familiar glint in your eyes, but jiwon chose to ignore them.

she couldn’t help but glance at how your skirt is hiked up after you’ve put one leg over the other though.

“um, i haven’t been doing much, really. just… work and making sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” jiwon said, nodding her head to her brother who was pretty buzzed at this time.

you laughed, “you guys never really changed, huh? glad to see it.” you took another sip of your drink.

“only this time i’m helping him with his road to being a husband instead of a project due in thirty minutes.” jiwon shakes her head at the memory, and she likes the way it makes you smile brightly.

“right… and are you still with wonyoung-ssi?” you asked with caution. yet you stared at jiwon as you did so, making sure she sees your ulterior motive through your eyes. jiwon feels herself crumbling under the weight of your stare, as much as she tries to put up a fight of her own.

“no… no, that’s been over for a while now.” it was a good breakup. one that ended with laughter rather than tears and anger. jiwon still talks with wonyoung to this day. why, only a week ago, wonyoung had called jiwon about her brother’s wedding! she expressed her regret about not being able to attend it due to scheduling conflicts—the life of an acclaimed supermodel was busy after all!

you looked significantly happier with the news, now gulping down your drink with a smile on your face. “h-how about you? he never told me what you did after you guys graduated…” jiwon attempts to have some control of the situation—sitting up straight, staring back at you with the same intensity, and all. was she successful? no. jiwon’s blushes as you held your stare with hers, an amused smirk now on your lips before you flipped your hair over your shoulder.

shiiit, jiwon remembers how perfect your neck looks while covered with marks left by her… oh gods, what is wrong with her?!

“well, after college, i did try getting my career started… but that didn’t work out. i ended up going back to my hometown to get back in touch with my heart and all that sentimental bullshit, and it actually worked,” you giggled, your hand brushing across your hair. “i know what i want to do in my life, but for now, i’m just…” you trailed off, raising your drink as well as quirking your eyebrow. “having fun before i can’t.” now your glass is finally empty.

“that’s good. and i’m glad the two of you are still friends. i was worried you’d grow apart.” it always made jiwon smile when she came home after a rough day at her old job and seeing you and her brother in the house, chatting and fooling around as if you weren’t burdened by all your commitments and responsibilities. it had always been refreshing seeing you, and it still is.

you propped your elbow on the table and put your chin on your palm, flashing jiwon a teasing smile, “did you miss me, unnie?”

and just like that, every ounce of confidence jiwon built up evaporates into nothing. she laughs awkwardly, hiding behind her drink, “o-of course! it was weird not seeing you guys together all the time, you know!” another awkward laugh. jiwon felt ridiculous and childish.

“no, unnie,” you moved closer, putting your hand on jiwon’s arm. she turned her head to look at you again and there you were, staring at her with clouded eyes. you then leaned closer and put your other arm behind her, your lips ghosting above her ear. shitshitshit, that’s too close. “did you miss me?”

what happened moments later isn’t exactly what jiwon would say was… a mistake. hell, it was far from it.

being trapped between the door of your hotel room and yourself while getting her neck marked up and her clothes slowly stripped down is the most eventful jiwon’s night has been.

jiwon could feel her brother’s worry all the way from here… well, it’s mainly because she knew that all the buzzing that her phone was doing in her pocket was because of him mass texting her about her whereabouts. she couldn’t be bothered to text him back right now though, not when you were already trailing your hand up her thigh and sliding it underneath her skirt. this felt familiar, and it felt good. feeling you gently rub her wet cunt through her panties felt good, feeling you softly biting on her collarbone felt good, seeing those cute eyes of yours asking for permission while you tugged on her panties felt good.

how long has it been since jiwon felt this kind of rush in her life? too long, she’d say. so why not make the most out of it?

jiwon cups your cheeks and crashes her lips into yours for the first time that night. your lips tasted like blueberries (from whatever you were drinking earlier), and jiwon loved the way you kissed her rather clumsily as if you didn’t expect her to do it first. jiwon couldn’t get enough. she pushes you further inside the room, discarding you of your jacket while doing so. she sits you down on the edge of the bed before separating from your lips and suddenly walking off, leaving you confused and slightly light-headed.

turns out, jiwon only went away to turn the lampshade on, illuminating the room with a warm orange glow before going back to you. she stared you down with hooded eyes, lust replacing the kind look in her irises that you knew and loved, and then she gently grabs your jaw, tilting your head up. you squeezed your thighs together, trying to soothe that ache in your core. god, you missed her.

“make this worth it, (y/n).” jiwon says coldly. even jiwon herself was surprised at her tone, but something in her brain liked how you crumbled under her stare. compared to the timid, nervous jiwon from earlier, bossy and demanding and… kind of harsh jiwon just did something right to you.

“you’ve always been worth it.” you pulled jiwon towards you by her hips, making her sit down on your lap. you feel her brushing your hair with her fingers, allowing you to release the tension on your shoulders and just melt into her. you’ve missed her warmth, and she’s missed yours. jiwon didn’t understand why you left when you did… but that was a question you were going to answer for her later.

much, much later.

jiwon moans softly as you start kissing her neck. your hands get busy with the remaining buttons on her shirt, revealing more of her skin for you to mark up throughout the night. you’ve already left some earlier, and they were starting to show across her chest but that wasn’t enough. you slowly pull off her shirt and let it drop to the ground, then your hands travel lower on jiwon’s body, stopping at the waistband of her skirt.

you were eager to touch her—unzipping her skirt and whining to get her to stand up and let it fall at her feet before you pulled her back into you. jiwon couldn’t help but laugh while you kissed her hungrily, and then she giggled even more when you rolled around and made her lay on her back on the bed.

you pouted cutely as you observed her and her baby pink lingerie, “hmm… were you expecting to sleep with someone in that club, unnie? you looked prepared.”

jiwon thought it was the perfect time to tease such a normally confident girl like you. so she nodded with a shit-eating grin, “the lady bartender was cute actually.” she laughs when you suddenly hop off of her abdomen, choosing to sit on the side of the bed instead. you were taking off your shoes, setting them aside before starting to discard yourself of your jewelry and putting them on the bedside table. jiwon watches you intently, her desire for you only growing by the second.

“come on, get in here already.”  jiwon tugged on your sleeve, more than ready to feel your lips on her skin once again. she decided to sit up and help you with your dress though, reaching for the zipper and slowly pulling it down. she didn’t waste the opportunity to leave kisses on the back of your neck, all the way down to the middle of your back, making sure that her lipstick sticks on your skin and smiling satisfied once she sees that it did.

finally, jiwon could see all of you after all these years, and you were just as beautiful as the last time she saw you. jiwon couldn’t resist immediately grabbing your face and kissing you as you climbed into the bed—she longed to feel your skin against hers again and now that you were here, she doesn’t think she ever wants to let you go like she did back then. so, jiwon holds onto you tightly, letting you settle yourself on top of her once again while your hands impatiently explore her perfect body. your hands reach behind jiwon, unclasping her bra and throwing it aside, your hands quickly finding themselves busy fondling her soft breasts.

it was cute to see that you still adored her tits as much as you did back then. you did that thing you always did when you were intimate with jiwon, kissing all over her chest, making sure to cover every inch of skin while still massaging her tits. jiwon caresses your hair as you did your job, laughing softly in an adoring way, her smile only widening when you look up at her with your own grin.

“you’re so pretty, jiwon-unnie.” you gave the older girl one last quick kiss on the lips before leaning down and taking her nipple in your mouth. jiwon gasps at the feeling of your warm tongue slowly swirling around her nipple. it was familiar, like all of the other things you’ve done to her so far, but it also felt new at the same time. because this time, the two of you were much older, and you were doing this purely out of your true feelings for each other rather than a decision made on a whim. jiwon moans loudly when you softly and carefully bite on the hard bud, but she was quick to regain composure when she notices something quite… well, interesting.

jiwon sees how you humped the mattress slightly, trying your best to soothe that buzzing in your core on your own. jiwon decides to swiftly slide her thigh in between your legs and press it against your wet cunt, feeling all satisfied when you whine and start slowly grinding on her thigh for further stimulation. your hand that was pinching her other nipple was now gripping the sheets as you started riding jiwon’s thigh faster, whining even more as you feverishly sucked and nipped on her tit. jiwon grins, loving how she hasn’t lost her special little talent of reducing you to her obedient pet. she starts meeting your little thrusts by raising her thigh—somehow, the sight of you like this had her soaked, but you haven’t noticed at all. you were too busy trying to get yourself off!

you had to let go of jiwon’s nipple eventually, now hugging her close and whining at her chest because you were feeling so good. you’ve started shaking and your moans were shorter and higher—it only meant one thing! jiwon takes a fistful of your hair and pulls your face up to make you look at her, ignoring how you winced at the pain.

“don’t cum.” she says strictly, her grip on your hair tightening by the second the more you thrust into her thigh.

“b-but..! hnng.. i’m s-so close…! so close…” the pout, the tears, that desperate tone in your voice… jiwon almost wanted to fold, but she wasn’t in the mood for that.

“you don’t get to cum before me ever, remember? be good.”

as much as it upset you, you slowly decreased your pace until you were merely sitting on her thigh. jiwon smiles—she was happy to know that she still had some sort of hold over you. she knew she always did! why, you were always clingy towards jiwon whenever her brother invited you over, and that was even before the two of you started sleeping with each other. she always used it to her advantage, mostly in bed, of course. something else jiwon always liked: that pitiful look on your cute face when she denies you of your release. you’d always look so timid after, afraid that if you spoke incorrectly, jiwon might stop the whole thing entirely.

but jiwon was never that cruel. she’d tease you, sure, but she would always make sure to give you what you want. just as long as she gets hers first.

“look,” you watched as jiwon’s hand traveled down from her stomach to her panties. she was drenched; your fault. “do something.” she demands. shit. the dark tone in her voice and the stern look on her face was enough to get you to move lower. you pulled off jiwon’s panties, your heart beating so fast for no goddamn reason. it has been a very long time since you have seen jiwon, let alone like this. acting like this, looking at you like this. it’s got you weak.

you stared at jiwon’s pussy. soaked, tight, perfect, and most importantly, all for you.

“how cute. you’re practically drooling.” jiwon impatiently puts her hand atop your head and brings your face closer to her needy cunt. you hoisted her legs over your shoulder, then you started leaving kisses along her inner thighs—deep and sensual kisses, slow and careful right up until your lips barely ghosted above her pussy. jiwon stares at you with anticipation, you stare back at her; your eyes now dark and hungry. you keep eye contact as you licked up her cunt once, smirking while you felt jiwon’s entire body shiver at the feeling. she pushes your head a little closer, so fucking desperate that you almost wanted to be petty and tease her, but she would probably hit you for that.

and so, you give her what she wants. within seconds of your lips touching her cunt once more, you were practically making out with it. goosebumps appeared along your skin as your tongue slowly got familiar with jiwon’s taste again. it felt right, like the stars have finally realigned themselves after years of floating about the expansive universe, lost. you put your hands to use, spreading her lips apart and pleasuring her clit.

“g-good…! there… mmhn.. (y/n)-ah…!” jiwon grabs a fistful of your hair again, pushing you impossibly closer to her cunt, practically grinding it against your face. you wrap your lips around the sensitive bud, sucking softly and moaning at jiwon’s sheer taste. fuck, it was all too good. you use one hand to grip one of her thighs, sinking your nails down to her skin, and spreading it further so you could have room.

“fuck..! i want to cum, (y/n)… m-more, more..! please…” jiwon’s back arches right as you flick the sensitive bud. you slipped your tongue inside her cunt, making jiwon moan just a tad bit louder than the hotel room walls would recommend her to. the next rooms most likely heard that—good. everyone needs to know how amazing you make her feel. how you’re the only one who can make her feel this way. and everyone’s going to know it again; you used your free hand to rub jiwon’s clit since your tongue was too busy inside her.

normally, this would’ve made jiwon cum. but she was strong this time around. “fucking—god, (y/n)…! more.. more…” jiwon pleads while on the verge of tears. you free her thigh of your grip and hold her hand instead, at least it helped her ground herself at least. the more you used your tongue inside her, the more you felt her clench. her grip gets tighter, both on your hand and on your hair. you briefly glanced upwards and saw her closing her eyes shut—she was close. but you found yourself being torn between letting her reach her climax now, stall a bit longer, or… make her orgasm just a lot stronger.

you pulled out your tongue from her cunt. jiwon hisses and nearly hits you on the head for slowing down and going back to sucking on her clit as you previously did. she glared at you, but was immediately back to being at your mercy when you unexpectedly inserted two of your fingers inside her. god, she was still tight. you stared in awe as you fucked jiwon in an excrutiatingly slow pace, merely watching as her pussy clenches around your digits. you pushed further, now knuckle-deep inside jiwon. you could cum from the sensation of her spongy walls brushing against your fingertips alone but you had to keep her rule in mind.

“m-mouth… use your mouth, (y/n).. ah!” and happily you did! your mouth and fingers worked in unison on jiwon’s pussy—every time you pulled out, you’d suck and lick her clit, the routine now going back to you. you’re remembering all the things she liked done to her, even down to the tiniest details. like eye contact. your eyes fluttered open, peering at jiwon through your fringe. she was already staring at you, her face contorted to show much pleasure you were bringing to her. jiwon has never once tried to conceal her noises and she wasn’t going to ask you to slow down or anything either. you both needed this, and unfortunately for this entire damn hotel, they were going to know just how much.

jiwon loosens her grip on your head once she realizes just how tight she was holding it, now threading your hair and only gently nudging you closer whenever she thinks your mouth isn’t doing enough. you curled your fingers inside her, making her tense up once more and bring her to that familiar edge. “please, please, please…!” jiwon whispers desperately like a prayer with a single tear running down her cheek. you increased your pace and buried your face in her cunt, not caring about making a mess of your face. all you cared about was satisfying your jiwon-unnie, and that you were successful when you brought her to a mind-blanking orgasm with a single flick of your tongue.

a long moan escapes jiwon’s lips as you continue to eat her out through her climax. god, she was delectable. you were determined to not waste a single drop of her cum, lapping her up like a dog and once more relishing at the taste of her juices on your tongue. you pull out your fingers as well, making sure jiwon sees you sucking on it to show her just how much you enjoy how she tastes. jiwon was beyond flustered and she was feeling all sorts of things—overwhelmed, weak, and perhaps most importantly of all, so fucking desperate to make you feel just as good.

you don’t hear her at first. jiwon was speaking in a small voice since she was still weak from everything you did, but you do hear her later on. “come here, baby,” the nickname practically sends you scurrying over on top of her again. jiwon wipes your chin clean with her hand, smiling brightly at you as she pulls you in for a sweet kiss. she can taste herself on your lips and your tongue, and a part of her understands why you’re so addicted. “unnie’s turn, hm?” she whispers against your lips… but her kisses have sent your brain elsewhere, hence your surprised gasp when you felt her gently rub your clit through your panties.

“hah… you’re still super sensitive here?” jiwon asked.

“t-that’s my clit, unnie.. of course, i’m—ahh—sensitive there…” cheeky. even when you’re the one at her mercy now. you pulled your panties off, throwing over to the pile of clothes on the carpeted floor. jiwon was teasing you: tracing your lips with her fingers, barely letting her fingertips touch your entrance, and not even giving your clit the attention it needs now. you whine as you grind down on jiwon’s hand, desperate for more contact but she refuses to touch you.

“aww, what’s with that face?” jiwon coos, laughing slightly. you had a mix of desperation and irritation on your face. it was annoying how she was being annoying, especially at such a crucial time but you knew the exact thing you had to do to get her going.

“unnie. please. i need you…” you pleaded. jiwon leans back on the pillow behind her, finding it so amusing to watch you slowly lose every ounce of self-respect just so you can cum. fuck, if jiwon wanted to be cruel, she could! she could make you beg all night, see those pretty eyes of yours shine with tears as you cry… the sick part of jiwon really wanted it all to come true, but she’s missed you too much to prolong this any further. and so, she pushes your face closer to her by the back of your neck, kissing you passionately just to get you to calm down.

one word jiwon would use to describe how she felt for the events that followed? relieving.

it was relieving to feel your warmth around the three fingers she inserted in your pussy at once, to feel your tongue inside her mouth, to bleed slightly from the way you held onto her arms so tightly, and it was most relieving to hear you say her name so sweetly. you can have such a dirty mouth with so many vulgar words to say, especially from years before when you were younger, but whenever you were with jiwon, you were a different person. jiwon was one of the only people who you allowed to see you like this: soft, weak, and so endearing. it seems like you haven’t changed that aspect about you, and that fact within itself was relieving to jiwon.

“unnie…!” you buried your head on the crook of jiwon’s neck as you felt every inch of her fingers brush against all of your sweet spots. as expected, things were always different when it came to jiwon. being so vulnerable to other people terrified you to the point where it was almost impossible to let your heart open to them, but jiwon made it so simple. but now that you were right here, looking at jiwon and feeling her everywhere, maybe it wasn’t just simply her that made it possible for you to let yourself fall.

wait… fall?

yes. fall. all this time—you’ve fallen for jiwon but too many things made it complicated for you to fully embrace it. but now you are ready.

“i’m so happy, (y/n),” jiwon’s voice felt like a dream. you almost couldn’t hear her properly due to how much her fingers overwhelmed you. the older girl used her free hand to lift your chin, making you look at her, before kissing your lips—it has always been her favorite thing to do. “i’m so happy you came back to me. i don’t know how to express how much i missed you… surely not with words, not even with this…” jiwon plunges her fingers deep, shushing you while you moan loudly. god, she knew you too well. knew which spot to hit to get you to lose your mind, knew the exact words to whisper in your ear when she notices you were slipping away from reality, and knew exactly how to make your heart beat like it never has before.

jiwon pulls her index finger out, now fucking you faster than she ever has with the only fingers she has inside you. “good girl. god, baby… you’re getting me wet again.” jiwon locks one of her legs around yours, keeping you in place. her palm slams against your sensitive clit, bringing tears to your eyes even though you grinded on her hand desperately to feel it over and over again. part of the reason why jiwon always needed to be the one to be fucked first is because you get so tired after your turn that you just pass out, and you never got out of that habit it seems. jiwon sees how the light was escaping your eyes, it was only a matter of time before you were too exhausted to keep yourself awake.

“hm, we have to be careful, huh? can you handle it, love?”

you nodded frantically, afraid that she’d slow down had you answered otherwise, “y-yes..! ahh, yes, i can. i can, unnie.. i can—mmhn..! i can take it…” you started moving your hips, riding jiwon’s fingers just to get closer and closer for that climax you’ve been chasing after the entire night. jiwon was thoroughly amused at how determined you were. normally, you’d give up or tap out if you found it all too much, but jiwon knows you want to be good for her. especially after all this time.

“you’re so cute… but don’t worry, baby,” jiwon places a sweet, deep kiss on your damp forehead. “we have all the time in the world now.”

a curl of her fingers later and you were cumming on jiwon’s hand. the older girl stopped her movements, afraid of overstimulating you. she whispers sweet words into your ears as you let yourself go, at least that's what you think she’s doing. you could barely keep your eyes open, let alone hear. but despite your consciousness slowly slipping away from you, you still felt jiwon gently lay you down on the spot next to her. she holds you close enough that she is within kissing distance.

she was so perfect—how could you have left her?

“unnie…” you tucked a piece of her behind her ear. her laugh makes your ears tingle. you faintly hear her ask if you’re feeling okay, to which you nodded weakly at. you can see her lips move, she was saying a few things, but you can’t hear her over the sound of your heartbeat. you cup her cheek, lean close, and kiss her. maybe it was your favorite thing to do, just like her. and then, words that have always been expected to be unsaid leave your lips. some feelings that have been kept hidden, secrets that you were afraid of letting slip.

“i love you, jiwon-unnie.”

long overdue, sure. even jiwon felt it before you ever said it to her. but she thinks that your bashful smile, the way you shyly looked away from her, and your precious reaction to her saying it back made it all worth the wait.

[euno11a]

Tattooed Hearts VIII

Genre: No one to someone Tattoo artist! Jungkook X Reader

Summary: What happened to us? Why did we end up like this? It was only a one time thing. Now it’s ruined us both.

Warnings: fluff, angst, smut, mentions of hookups, insults, arguing, blood, mentions of period, insecurities

Pt I • Pt II • Pt III • Pt IV • Pt V • Pt VI • Pt VII *** Love was something that no one could control. It was a great thing. Pain was part of love and no one could stop that either. For me, pain was a big part of my love life. Learning what works for you is big; knowing your limits and what your boundaries are. For me, it was hookups. Those were the devil to me. After sleeping with Jungkook and not being able to eat or sleep without thinking of him is when I knew I fucked up. I should’ve known that it was a one time thing, nothing more than a quick fuck. But seeing him show up in front of me, begging for another chance, was what set me off.

About a month passed, Jungkook continuously bringing you flowers and taking you out on nice dates. Not once, not a single time, did he try to make out with you or touch you inappropriately. He was genuinely trying his best for you. So one night when he was dropping you off at your apartment, he did the usual. He smiled, waved you off and made sure you made it safely into your apartment before putting his helmet back on. You were the one that made the move, walking back to him.

“Did you forget something?” He asked you, holding his helmet at his side, about to check the compartment on the back of his bike. He was silenced by you pulling him down to connect your lips. Your lips were gently touching, not some rough and sloppy kiss. It was a slow and sensual kiss.

You pulled away gently, letting your noses brush against each others. “You taste like cherries…” you whispered, not wanting to disrupt the calm environment around the two of you. His strong hands held your waist carefully, fearing that if he did something too suddenly, he would scare you off.

He chuckled and lowered his head to lean his forehead on your shoulder. “You like watermelon juice, yet your favourite lip balm is cherry flavoured. How does that make sense?” He teased you, dragging his hands up and down your sides slowly.

“You know that…?” It was clear from your wide eyes that you were shocked he still remembered that. When had he even noticed you put on cherry lip balm?

“It was the lip balm you put on after our hookup. It was also the lip balm you put on when you came by the tattoo parlour, AND it was the lip balm I saw in your bag at Mrs Eloise’s flower shop. I notice these things, I notice everything that you love.” He whispered, pulling you a little closer.

Your cheeks flushed a bright red, turning your head away and clearing your throat. Pulling away, you felt the sudden loss of warmth from him, “I should…I should go up now…” Your voice held some sort of dissatisfaction, not liking that you had to leave now.

He nodded, letting go of you with slight hesitation. “I had fun. I’ll see you later…” He put his helmet on and got on his bike, watching you walk into your apartment building. Once you were out of sight, he turned on his bike, feeling a vibration in his pocket.

My Girl: Next date is at my place. Friday, 7pm. Don’t be late.

He chuckled, placing his phone back into his pocket. The excitement he felt in his chest was unmatched, not being able to wait for Friday.

*** When Friday came, you had set up your living room with a movie. I mean, what's better than a movie date? The answer is nothing. It was all set up perfectly; popcorn, blankets, random candies you had found in the corner store down the street, and the most important thing...a movie! You hadn't heard of this movie, so it was interesting to see what it would be about.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when the doorbell was rung to your apartment. You stood up, walking across the threshold to answer the door. To say your breath was taken when you saw Jungkook was an understatement, you felt as if your soul had been taken. He stood there tall, nothing but a tight white shirt that showed off all his delicious muscles and tattoo sleeve on his right arm. And god, the pants...his pants were tight, hugging his thighs the best way possible, not to mention the noticeable bulge his crotch made.

You looked up at him, taking a deep breath before opening the door wider so he could come in. "You're on time." You said shakily, closing the door when he came into your apartment completely.

He chuckled deeply, "I wouldn't miss this for the world." He smiled down at you, running a hand through his hair. "Looks like you prepared everything already."

"Of course I did! Why would I invite you over if nothing would be ready?" You asked quietly, walking further into your apartment, plopping down onto the couch.

"Maybe you wanted to see me early so you'd have more time with me."

"When have I ever wanted more time with you?"

"How about when you kissed me and wouldn't let my jacket go?" He cocked a brow, "Don't think I didn't notice that."

His comment made your cheeks burn, turning away you patted the cushion beside you. "Just come over here so we can watch the movie..."

His laugh was like music to your ears, he walked over and sat beside you. Once you were both comfortable, you grabbed the remote and pressed play. As mentioned earlier, movie dates were the best. One, they were calming and two, you got to cuddle with your partner...or possible partner. Your back was pressed against his chest, his arm draped over your waist, your ass pressing into his straining cock. When you felt how hard he was, you stiffened, not wanting to say anything. His hand calmly and gently traced circles onto your clothed side, allowing you to relax into him as the movie kept playing. He could feel that you were on edge from being able to feel his hard-on. You should've done your research on the movie before picking it, not knowing it was a horror movie. As time passed, all the movie got scarier and scarier, Jungkook having no reaction to it. Sadly, you were the only one jumping. Your wide eyes were hooked onto the screen, breath getting staggered as your heart pounded against your chest. One of the jump scares making you nearly jump out of your own skin.

"Are you even watching?" You ask, your voice was just barely a whisper.

"I am." He muttered, his voice deep with a hint of...need?

It wasn't helping that you were getting turned on by the feeling of his hard-on pressing against your ass. You turned a little to look at him, he made eye contact with you, gliding his tongue against his bottom lip. You felt his hand go to the hem of your pants, fingertips just barely going under. "Stop it..." You said breathlessly.

"Stop what?" You knew that voice, even if it had been a long time, you knew that voice. He was needy. And so were you.

"You know what...Lindsay could come at any moment." It was still intoxicating.

His nose nuzzles into the back of your neck, "If you want me to stop, just say the word and I will..."

But nothing came out of your mouth, you wanted this. Needed this. Carved this. When he wasn't told to stop, his hand gripped your jaw and forced you to face the screen, "Watch the movie." He growled.

Bad idea, as soon as you looked back, some bloody creature popped up on the screen, making you scream and shrink back into him. Jungkook groaned, feeling your ass dig into his cock, almost blinding him with pleasure and need. His fingers went under the rim of your pants, caressing your soft thighs, causing you to shift with desire from his touch.

"Jungkook..."You plead quietly, asking for something you weren't even sure that you knew what you were asking for.

"This may not end well for you..." Jungkook mused.

"Why?" You asked, slightly hesitant while asking the question.

"You'll have cum leaking down your thighs when I'm done with you." He hummed, reaching forward to play with the lining of your panties.

He pushed your panties aside, his fingers softly brushing against your folds, reveling in the wetness gathering on his fingers. He kept his touches light, depriving you of any true pleasure.

"Jungkook." You bite, your voice more demanding and needy. But all he did was smile, refusing to give you anything else at the moment.

"Keep your eyes on the screen, Y/N, do not make me tell you again." That made your eyes snap to the screen, a gasp being pulled from your lips as you watched the creature slash a person.

Your pussy pulsed, juices gushing from your slit and over his fingers. Jungkook groaned, fighting the urge to plunge his fingers deep into your pussy and feel you pussy clench as you cum all over him. His tongue darted out, licking along your neck and inhaling your intoxicating scent. You tasted so fucking delicious to him. His mouth watered with the need to lap up the arousal soaking his hand. Giving in to your internal plea, he swirls his fingertip over your clit, giving you just enough pleasure to make you lean your head back with bliss. A scream from the movie made her look up again on full alert.

"L-Lindsay could come in..." You croaked, his actions steady and firm. When he pinches your clit, you release a sexy moan from your parted lips.

"Does that make your pussy wet? Hm?" He asked, continuing to rub your clit with his fingers. "Does knowing your friend could come into your apartment at any moment and see you writhing on my fingers turn you on?"

You shook your head, clearly lying as he felt you get wetter by the second. "Having someone see you with my fingers deep in your pussy," He emphasizes his point by pressing his middle finger into you, "It makes you wanna cum all over my fingers, doesn't it, baby?"

He adds a second finger, fucking you in quick and hard strokes. Your breath quickens, moans heightening in pitch as you get closer to an orgasm. His eyes go back and forth between his hand in your pants and your face, loving the sounds falling from your lips. Mid-stroke, he withdrew his fingers and grabbed your jaw with his other hand. He gave you a quick slap to your pussy, enjoying the sudden cry that left your lips as he did so.

"What did I say, baby?" His voice was like honey, but had a secret dark undertone to it.

"W-watch the movie...?" You responded, biting your bottom lip as you turned to look back at the screen.

"Were you even listening?" Jungkook growled, absolutely refusing to touch your needy pussy.

"N-no...I'm sorry..." Something about the apology didn't sound right, why were you apologizing? To keep away the thoughts of confusion and sudden sober-ism from having his fingers out of you, he pushed them back inside of you.

"This sweet little pussy is so needy for my fingers, isn't it? Do you feel how tight you're gripping me? It's so hard to pull them out of you so I can fuck you so good."

You whined and whimpered, nails digging into his bicep. The sting from your nails didn't phase him, his free hand reaching up to your neck. He squeezes firmly, increasing his pace and firmly rubbing your clit. "Jungkook!" You scream, pussy clenching so tightly that he can barely move his fingers anymore.

Your back arches and your head leans back, not caring about watching the movie anymore. You sob loudly as his fingers kept thrusting in and out of you, helping you ride out your orgasm until your whole body is shaking and you're trying to pull his hand away. He gently eased his fingers out of you, feeling you shiver from the loss of being filled. Licking the juices from his fingers, he makes eye contact with you, ensuring you were watching him. When his fingers were clean, he pushed himself up, grabbing your hand to pull you up as well. Once he was standing, he picked you up bridal style, carrying you to your room and placing you on the bed. His breathing was heavy as he looked at you from a distance.

"This is your one chance, Y/N." His voice was rough and deep, deeper than I remembered it to be. "Your one chance to make this choice. The only time I'll let you say no to me. After this, you're mine."

You felt as if your heart would beat through your ribs as you looked up at him. Your mouth opened, slight dread coursing through Jungkook's body as he thought you were going to say no. But instead, you begged. "I wanna be touched. I want you."

A smirk pulls at the corner of his lips, "Strip for me."

"St-? W-what?" You couldn't believe how hot he sounded.

"Come on, sweet girl, don't make me repeat myself. I want to see all of you." Every word flowing out of his mouth goes straight down to your core again. Making you wetter than ever before.

You stripped slowly, almost excruciatingly slow. You stripped until you were in your bra and panties. "Off, Y/N. Show me those tits, baby." It sounded as if he was angry, but you knew he was far from it.

When you were fully undressed, he slowly approached you, like a predator does its prey. He walks until he is pressing his legs against yours. "I'm not going to be gentle. I'm not making love to you tonight, I'm going to fuck you. Show you just how much I've missed this. How much I've missed you."

His lips wrap around one of your nipples when he leans down, a soft gasp leaving you lips as you grasp onto his shoulders. His teeth scrape against your hard nipple, sucking hard. He pushes you to lay you down, climbing on top of you. His fingers make their way down to your slit again, seamlessly gliding over your entrance. He sits on his heels, quickly shedding all of his clothes, coming back down to you. When he presses your legs open, you let him, too overstimulated to even try and fight.

"That's my girl." He groaned into your ear, moving your foot out of the way so he could see your glistening pussy from your wetness. "Fuck...so wet I can see it." He swiped two fingers over your pussy, rubbing those same two fingers over his painfully hard cock. He strokes himself a few times, eyes trained on your sex. He reached down and spread you more, "Such a pretty pussy", He says lowly as he glided a finger over your slit again, but not yet pushing in. "Bet you're gonna be so damn tight, gonna squeeze the cum right out of me."

His words made you squirm, just as his touch did. You felt something press against your entrance, something much bigger than his fingers. The tip of his cock pressed gently. You whimpered his name, that was enough to make him ram his hips forward. There was a slight resistance, feeling your pussy clamped around him tightly. It was more than enough to make you scream, from pleasure and some discomfort. Jungkook dropped forward, one hand on either side of your head, so your hands can finally reach him. He rolled his hips, pushing himself even deeper into you.

"Tell me who owns this pussy..." He spoke in a deep but strangled voice, it was clear he was holding back just a little.

"Y-you do, Jungkook..." You cried.

"Again."

"Jungkook!" You're panting, writhing beneath him. "Jungkook owns it."

He dropped to his elbows, one hand reaching back to grab your hair at the roots. "That's right, baby. This belongs to me." He thrusted again. "All of you belongs to me."

Your neck arches, and he uses the angle to fuse his lips to yours. His lips were warm and demanding; it made you feel claimed. The grip in your hair, his hips slamming between your thighs...it felt like ownership. You kissed him back, letting go of your control completely. Jungkook's tongue licks into your mouth, and you can taste what you thought you lost the first time.

"Kookie..." You gasp, opening your mouth for him. The tugging on your hair makes your core clench around him.

"My sweet fucking girl." He withdraws his cock and licks into your mouth again, "You're mine now, baby." He pushed back in his hips rolling devilishly good into you. "Wanna stay buried in this pussy forever."

He starts slamming in even harder, "Let me in, baby." He reaches down to grasp your leg, yanking it to hook it over forearm. Opening you even wider. "There's my sweet girl. Letting me in so good. So deep."

Your body was on fire, his hips not stopping for a second, arm lifting even more to stretch you more. The fingers massaging through your hair was a big contrast, soft and soothing, compared to his harsh thrusts. "That's it, baby girl. Take me. Feel me."

"I am...I do..." Your voice was broken from how much and how loudly you'd been moaning.

Jungkook's thrusting slowed only a little, "I need you to do one more thing for me, baby. Give me one more thing."

"Anything," You spoke quietly, "I'll do anything."

You could feel his breath on your cheek, " I need you to cum all over my cock."

You couldn't reply, his mouth pressing against yours again. Slower this time. You focused on the feeling of his lips against your, moving with him. Opening up for him. Tasting him. Then you feel his fingers on your clit. You hadn't noticed him move his arm to go between your bodies and it was-...you groaned into each other's mouths as you clenched around him.

"You're so close." He moaned.

"Y-yes..."

He caught your bottom lip between his teeth, biting hard enough that you feel it in your nipples. "O-oh god! Kook, I'm almost-!"

The hand that was tangled in your hair flattens against the back of your head, pulling you to him. He supported his full weight on his elbow, wrapping your arms and legs around him, you curl around his body. Shoving your face into his neck, his fingers dance over your clit. He thrusts up into you, his cock bottoming out as his fingers pinch your clit, and you cum. You screamed as you felt yourself clench around him, his hips piston faster.

"That's it, baby. Cum for me. Squeeze my cock until it's filling you with my cum." He panted, pushing his cum deep into you as you both finish riding your orgasms out.

Exhaustion took over both of you, Jungkook having yet to pull out from you. Your hands flatten along his back, feeling it rise and fall, hot skin under your palms. He burrows his face into the space between your shoulder and neck, making you smile. It was hard to breathe with his weight on top of you, but you didn't want this to end. You worked to get small and short breaths, not wanting to push the tired man off of you. His teeth sink into your neck, making you jolt and all your muscles contract.

"Y/N, you keep squeezing my cock like that and I'm gonna fuck you again." He spoke softly, lips brushing against your neck.

You squeaked at his words, feeling him shift. He pushed your legs up just a little so he could slip out of you comfortably. He places them so that they're still parted as he stands up. "Kook...?"

"Just wait." He spoke gently as he walked into the bathroom. The faucet could be heard, and a few seconds later, Jungkook walks back in, reclaiming his spot between your legs.

He presses a damp wash cloth to your pussy, dragging it through your folds. You hiss at the feeling, "It's cold..."

"I know, baby." He says as he gently wipes you with the washcloth again.

"You could've used warm water." You grumbled, turning your head, but Jungkook grabbed your face to make you look at him again.

"You're going to be sore enough as is. The cold water might help." His voice was soft and soothing, a contrast from how he was talking just a few minutes ago.

He discarded of the washcloth, laying down beside you after, pulling your spent body to his chest. You laid there in silence, basking in the afterglow from your actions. His fingertips traced shapes on your skin, "I love you..."

You froze, looking up at him with a glint in your eyes. "You...love me?"

He chuckled, "Of course I do. I was a fucking idiot back then. I didn't know what I had lost until it was gone. You are not something I want to lose ever again."

You cuddled closer, the feeling of contentment washing over you. "I love you too..."

***

Mistakes do get made. Everyone makes mistakes. Luckily for you, your mistake of sleeping with Jungkook ended up in your favor. You still don't know how you went from crying on your bathroom floor because of him, to crying in bed with him because of how good he treated you. You were his special person. And he wasn't ever going to let you go again.

Edit: Hi Everyone! This is the final chapter of Tattooed Hearts. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I already have some more ideas for future stories, and please don't be afraid to give ideas for a series you want to see in the future! I love you all very much, thank you for all the support for this story. I look forward to seeing you in the future with my new stories :)

Taglist: @talyaaas-blog @cassies-cookies @junecat18@jk97bam @bluewarmsunshine @diame93 @bangtans-momma @lil0u0 @borahoe @peterstarkchrishiddleston @telepathytae @apobangpo444 @gimeow @taekritimin123 @butterymin @skzthinker @someone-1997 @kookswifesblog @jjk-1999 @bulubulubulublabla @xo79 @thesmutconnoisseur @nikkinik485 @coldcoffee2121 @jjk97091 @onlybunss @kopiosuam @nanmolla @peachtown @kopiosuam

[angel-kyo]

Pay it no mind

Part IX

In which reader confesses their feelings to Gojo, but it seems these are not returned (maybe?).

Warnings: reader is on the receiving end of rejection (kinda), and the fact that I'm obsessed with unrequited love is a warning itself. Mentions of smoking (not reader, though) and lung cancer.

Previous: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII

----------------------

You heard steps behind you.

“Is it any good?” Suguru sat down next to you, eyeing the manga you were reading.

You lifted your head and looked at the training fields in front of you. “Ikeda recommended it to me. I just started it, so I don’t know yet.”

Suguru noticed your tone was a bit flat and taking into account that he had just passed by a fuming Satoru, he assumed his classmates were not in great spirits that day.

“Did something happen to Satoru? He was…” Geto's voice trailed off.

“Being childish,” you cut him, your eyes returning to the book in your hands.

You had been trying to improve your attack speed and close combat technique, and Satoru was naturally good at both, so you had made plans to spar with him. But when he showed up at your room, you were on a call with Haruki, who just wanted check if you were free that weekend.

As soon as Gojo realized who was on the other end of the line, he started speaking way louder than usual and chasing you around your room. “[name], let’s go now”, “Are you done yet?”, "Stop ignoring me."

You swore it was a two-minute call, and he was being impatient for no reason, but you finally had enough when Satoru grabbed your phone and told Ikeda “Sorry, they are busy now,” and hung up.

“Satoru!” You almost ripped your phone out of his hand. “What...Why did you do that?” You watched him in disbelief. Of course, you knew he liked pestering you and everyone, but you could not believe he had done something so rude.

He shrugged. “We have things to do; he can’t keep you on the phone all day.” His expression showed no remorse. “Oh, now you are texting him.” He turned around and sat on your bed.

You were pressing the buttons of your phone as quickly as you could, not really wanting to imagine what Haruki could have thought of someone hanging up on him that way.

You sighed. “I’m apologizing on your behalf and telling him not to mind my extremely rude friend.”

“Emphasis on ‘friend’,” Gojo mumbled, but his tone had been too harsh not to hear.

You sent your apology to Haruki and looked at Satoru. “What did you say?”

The boy blinked and shook his head. “Nothing, just that I’m your best friend unless that’s his place now.”

“So you’re trying to say you’re jealous?” The thought was almost amusing, and you had not meant to sound accusing, but the question seemed to bother him, and a frown was clearly visible on Satoru's face now.

“Why should I be?” He sounded offended just at the thought of envying anything on your friend.

“Right,” you replied dryly. You knew he did not like him much, but why were you two getting so worked up over this?

You thought it was better to drop the subject as you picked up the bag where you had put the cursed tool you wanted to try and the manga Haruki had lent you. “Just forget it... Let’s go.”

You looked at him when he did not move. Gojo had rarely looked so serious as he did now, sitting still on your bed, looking at nowhere in particular.

“You are just wasting your time with him.” He did not sound angry anymore but as someone stating an undeniable fact.

It made you frown. You esteemed your new friend, and Satoru knew that. Why would he say something he knew would upset you?

“You don’t get to decide who I hang out with, or who is a waste of my time or not.”

You had always spoken your mind to Gojo. You thought that may be the reason why you had become friends in the first place. However, you did notice the bitter ring of your words just now.

“I know.” Satoru got up and walked past you in direction to the door, without sparing you another glace. “Have your boyfriend train you then,” was all he said as he left.

You stayed there for a minute, bag clutched to your side, before deciding to head to the training fields alone.

Suguru did not say anything once you had finished telling him what had happened. He had taken out a cigarette at some point and seemed thoughtful, watching it burn between his fingers. When you did not say anything else, he looked into your eyes and smiled softly.

“He really is childish.”

“Right? Sometimes I really can’t stand him. He is so immature.” You sighed.

And oblivious; you both are, Suguru thought.

He had some suspicions but supposed you would not be in the mood to hear them.

“People with strong emotions are hard to understand sometimes. Being on the receiving end of their wrath or their love can be equally risky.” Geto’s voice was soft. “Still… You know he cares about you, right? I’m sure he did not mean any harm.”

At least not to you.

You pondered his words. Love? Yes, you loved Satoru, he was your friend. It was reasonable to think he loved you too.

“I know,” you replied almost in a whisper.

Suguru smiled and puffed some smoke. “Cheer up, okay? I’ll spar with you.”

You smiled. “Stop smoking so much first. You’ll get lung cancer or something.”

He chuckled, standing up in front of you and offering you a hand “I know I will die someday, but I assure you, [name], that will not be the reason.”

You took his hand.

***

Shoko flinched when she heard a loud thump from the corner of the room. She sighed after realizing it was just Gojo kicking the vending machine.

“Don’t take it out on the sodas,” she told him and went back to her phone.

Another thud and a clank announced whatever drink he had tried to get out had been unstuck.

Gojo sat down across from her, but she did not look at him, already suspecting he was not in a good mood.

Shoko had noticed that you and Gojo had not been talking much in the last couple of days. You still sat next to each other in class in the mornings, but she had definitely seen Gojo stealing glances at you and averting his gaze each time you looked back. Besides, you had asked Suguru to spar with you that afternoon instead of asking Satoru.

He took a sip of his drink and let out a loud sigh that Ieiri continued to ignore.

“What are you doing?” Gojo asked.

“If you are bored enough to ask me that, maybe you should have gone with them.”

“I think you were not paying attention, but I wasn’t invited."

She let out a soft laugh. "That has never stopped you from going anywhere."

"I doubt [name] wants to train with me anyway.”

Shoko finally looked at him. She recalled a conversation you and her had had not long ago. You had asked her what she wanted to do in the future, to which she had said she would be a doctor.

“That means I’ll get to call you Doctor Shoko” You grinned.

“That if I figure out a way to do it quick.” She smirked. “What about you?”

Your gaze drifted to Gojo and Geto bantering near to where you were sitting.

“I’ll join the podium with those two.”

Shoko knew you wanted to be faster, stronger, better. You were intent on improving. She could not see you turning down a chance to try out your growing strength.

“I don’t think they would turn down the opportunity to punch you,” was what she finally said to Gojo.

He huffed. “Yeah, they may be up for that.”

Shoko raised an eyebrow. “Are you fighting?”

Satoru ripped the tab off the can he was holding. “I don’t know…. Maybe.”

So you were. Had it been something he had done?

“I just think that waiter guy is a waste of their time.” Satoru sounded deflated.

Ieiri looked at him. “Don’t tell [name] that.”

“Already did.”

Oh.

“They must not have liked to hear that.” Ieiri looked at him blankly.

“You bet,” Gojo agreed with a resigned look on his face. “But isn’t it true, though?” He looked back at Ieiri. “He is a non-sorcerer. Keeping him around in any way is foolish. Even if they dated him, it’s not like they are going to marry the guy.”

“You don’t know that. It’s true he belongs to the normal world, but...”

“But what?” Gojo did not believe there was any argument in that guy’s favor.

“What if [name] wanted to be part of that world?” Shoko shrugged.

They want to be a sorcerer now, but people can change, and this life is tough in the field. It isn’t uncommon for sorcerers to end up running away.

It had been just a stray thought, but when directing her eyes back to Gojo, Ieiri realized the impact of her words. The wheels were turning in Satoru’s head.

She tried to take it back before he snapped. “I am not saying that’s what they want, it’s just…”

“No, they wouldn’t…” Gojo shook his head lightly.

Was that it? That you now enjoyed your bits of normality with Ikeda more than your actual life?

If you wanted a normal life as any other person living in the bliss of ignorance when it came to curses, Satoru was not sure he could follow you there. There were high expectations hanging over his head, his clan and the world were counting on him to become a sorcerer, and a strong one at that. What would he do if you ever wanted to leave this world? Would you also leave him?

***

“Are you fighting?” Shoko asked you from across the table.

She had sat at the cafeteria to wait for you, but Gojo had made an appearance and struck up conversation with her; however, he had practically run away when you showed up.

Were you fighting? Honestly, you were not sure. He had walked you home last weekend, and despite the awkwardness that had surrounded you both following your one-sided talk about Ikeda, he had not seemed angry. There had not been any spoken disagreement nor an argument per se, but he had been avoiding you like the plague since then.

“I don't know... Maybe,” you finally admitted.

The way you were gazing at the path Satoru had traced when fleeing the cafeteria let Shoko know that you wanted to go after him, so she gave you the same piece of advice her younger self had once given to Gojo. “If you don't know, go ask.”

You smiled at her and marched after Satoru.

***

“You look beaten up.”

Suguru had decided to let you take a short break from training and you were lying down to catch your breath.

“Turns out Geto is good at close combat too.”

No, good no; he excels at it.

Satoru crouched down next to you, and you were too tired to move, so you did not.

“Yeah, he is,” Gojo agreed. “Hey, can we talk?”

“I’m busy,” you replied.

Satoru looked at Suguru, who was some feet away lively conversing with Shoko and gave you a half smile that said ‘Really? I think you can take a few minutes off.’

You sat up with a sigh but did not look at him. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Are you still mad at me?”

You shrugged. “Are you?”

He shook his head. No, he was not. He had been mad at Ikeda for taking so much of your time, stirring his best friend away from him, and then he had been mad at himself for acting the way he had, but he was not mad at you, he could never be mad at you.

“I’m still gonna be friends with him.” Your tone was rather lower, and your expression was puzzled. Satoru thought he knew why, and he wanted to hold your hand, but he did not.

Instead, he smiled softly and said “As long as you are still friends with me.”

He knew you probably felt torn between him and Haruki. As much as Satoru wanted to keep you for himself, he had decided he would accept whatever you gave him if it meant he had a piece of you to hold on to.

You pushed him, and he fell sitting down. “Don't be ridiculous. You are my best friend.” Satoru was glad to see you smile at him again.

As you told him about whatever was rounding your mind while a gentle breeze removed some loose hair strands off your face, Satoru thought you were prettier than ever.

“I think they made up.” Suguru half-whispered to Shoko. “They really can’t live without each other.”

Ieiri thought of the stormy look on Gojo’s face earlier. That made her think he actually cared about you, maybe more that he let out, and taking in the way you were looking at him, maybe you cared about him just as much.

She smirked. “They look…”

“In love?” Geto offered watching Gojo gently remove a leaf that had gotten stuck in your hair.

Shoko believed you had feelings for some other non-sorcerer boy, and you had always referred to your friendship with Gojo as something platonic on both sides, but the scene in front of her, would make anyone doubt that.

She let out a laugh as response.

Maybe I was wrong.

She would remember this moment years later when watching Satoru not-so-unintentionally scare off anyone who would dare approach you with romantic intentions.

And if Suguru had stayed with them, he would have had a good laugh hearing her say ‘Geto, you were damn right.’

----------------------

Note: Please don't take it the wrong way, but I'm thinking of mischief for next part.

Thank you for reading!

Next: Part X

@mavs-stuff @witchbybirth @crookedlyaddictedone-blog @tqd4455 @maybe-a-bi-witch @mo0nforme @maliakealoha @zacatecanaaaa @blushhpeachh @astriarose @missesgojosatoru @ba-ks @sukunasleftkneecap @songbirdlully @cole-silas

[femdomlieeh]

Notebook of a fool ✧ Xiaojun

BFF!Xiaojun ✧ Crush!Fem!Reader

WC—3.8 ✧ k

WARNING—anxiety ✧ heartbreak ✧ crying ✧ pet names

THEMES—sfw ✧ light angst ✧ future fluff (?) ✧ best friend au ✧ crush au

NOW PLAYING—OTT ✧ IVE

A/N. 누나 (nuna) = older sister

psst! Next update is a Beomgyu smut… probably my fav smut I’ve ever written

M.LISTS—wayv ✧ latest updates ✧ read on wp

All rights reserved © femdomlieeh

✧ ੈ ✧ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✧ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✧‧₊˚＊* ✧ ੈ ✧

Today was one of those bad fucking days. One of those days when you can't find any positivity in anything. One of those days when you don't feel like talking to the people you love the most. One of those days when you just want to give up.

The first thing you saw in the morning was a notification of a text from your boyfriend. Looking at the white speech bubble is something you usually look forward to when you see Wonwoo's name bright up your screen, knowing he always has something entertaining to tell.

But this particular morning he said something you wish were a joke.

Wonwoo Boo💞

[ive been thinking lately and _____ i think we need a break]

Mommy🤠💦

[You're not going to tell me why?]

Seen 10:17

You asked him the first thing that came to your mind. He couldn't possibly just expect you to be OK with having a break without a reason, right?

After an hour you accepted the fact that he had left you on read and that he wasn't going to reply anytime soon.

Maybe it was because he called you _____.

He never called you by your name. Only your friends called you that. He was supposed to call you weird or cheesy pet names and nothing else! 

He left you with a headache. He left you with your bad thoughts and theories. Damn you, Wonwoo.

It was very human-like of you to be in a bad mood. Only a robot would feel nothing in this situation. The day wouldn't get any worse. You were going to make sure of it! Your mood may have been bad, but you weren't going to let anyone else get affected by it. Lashing out on innocent people because you don't feel good on the inside is something you hated doing.

Today you were going to hang out with your best friend, Xiaojun, have a picnic on a park next to the Han river. Xiaojun had packed a cute pink basket (that he had specifically bought for you two to use for picnics together since they happened at least thrice a month) which was filled with kimchi kimbap, green grapes, two clementines and some churro flavored chips and you had packed a large outdoor blanket so Xiaojun wouldn't have too much to carry. For almost a week you two hadn't met up and you both missed each other and wanted to make up for the days you had spent apart so of course you went for the nice, typical not-romantic-at-all picnic hang out session.

But no.

You weren't going to meet Xiaojun and ruin his parade with the rain cloud that was following you around wherever you went since you opened your eyes this dark morning. No, you weren't going to let the first time you two meet in such a long time be ruined by the sad news you got this ugly morning.

누나 🥰

[I can't hang out today, sorry]

Prince Junnie🦄

[why not?☹️]

누나 🥰

[I'm not feeling too well]

Prince Junnie🦄

[it's ok i'll make u some delicious soup😊]

누나 🥰

[No, you don't need to, I don't want you to get sick!]

Prince Junnie🦄

[but ive missed u sm☹️]

누나 🥰

[We'll meet another day I promise to make up for this!]

And so you put the phone gently on the table to lay on the sofa and binge watch some random show. You made sure to turn your phone off first since you knew you'd cut Wonwoo some slack in case you read any persuasive text from him — he's good with words and making you feel loved. Whilst you were looking through all the lists Netflix had created for you, which were filled with movies and series you either had already seen or weren't interested in, Xiaojun was still expectantly waiting for his screen to go bright.

She must be joking, he thought.

Unlike you, Xiaojun's morning had started out brilliant. From the moment he opened his eyes, he was smiling and full of energy, excited to hang out with you after not seeing you for five whole days. He had missed you. Spending time with you was one of his favorite hobbies! Since you two had picnics regularly you two had decided that you would take turns in deciding and packing the picnic basket and this time it was Xiaojun's turn! He had been so excited all week, planning out a shopping list days before. He had specifically purchased grapes this time because he had this fantasy of putting one in your mouth (which sounded weird, but it would feel intimate to feed you fruit) and also playing around and throwing grapes up in the air and catching them in the mouth. 

Needless to say, he liked you a little more than a best friend should and that was a bit of a problem. His friends kept telling him that it was stupid to spend so much time with you and that Xiaojun should either try to ignore his emotions or he should distance himself from you until he loses feelings, because it was unfair to hurt himself by giving himself false hopes of getting somewhere with a taken girl. 

And Xiaojun knew it. For so long, he'd known that it was a bad idea to like you. You didn't like him in the same way, and you even had a boyfriend for fuck's sake — and a really pretty one at that! But no matter how many red flags there were, he still wanted to spend everyday with you. He didn't want a week to go by without being with you. He wanted to cuddle with you on a picnic blanket. He wanted to kiss you when you visited photo booths. He wanted to share hoodies with you. He wanted to stay up late and talk until you two fell asleep in each others' arms. He wanted to be the only one you called Prince. 

Wondering why you called Xiaojun 'Prince' when you already were in a relationship with Wonwoo? Well, Prince had been Xiaojun's nickname before you even met Wonwoo (yes, you'd known Xiaojun longer than you'd known Wonwoo, yet you still found yourself in a relationship with the latter — or not anymore actually). And though your (then) boyfriend never liked it, you had convinced him it was just a friendly pet name. Because that's exactly what it was.

To you.

To Xiaojun it was the closest he'd ever feel to being your boyfriend. But you started using that pet name less and ever since Wonwoo came around and ruined everything more than it already was ruined. Xiaojun even had to change his contact name on your phone to include the word 'Prince' so you wouldn't forget to call him that.

He loathed Wonwoo.

Wonwoo was always the reason why you couldn't hang out with your bestfriend for too long, why you couldn't call him Prince on certain occasions and why you couldn't look at him as a potential boyfriend. Wonwoo was an attention thief. Not really. But it felt like it. Xiaojun was jealous of everything Wonwoo had with you.

Because your boyfriend obviously was a threat, Xiaojun felt like he needed even more of your validation than before (which was already a lot). He needed your attention. If you ignored him he'd think it was your way of telling him that you had left him completely for Wonwoo. Ridiculous! He shouldn't feel like you owe attention to him.

Your friendly fucking friendship was the closest thing Xiaojun had to being together with you in the way he really wanted, so he valued it a lot. Not having you as his girlfriend was painful enough, but not having you as even his friend would break him.

Right now you weren't validating your time together, nor your friendship — or at least it felt like it to Xiaojun. He always needed your attention and unlike normally, he wasn't getting it right now. His smile dropped and so did his excitement for the day.

Was this the end?

He knew that spending one week without each other would lead to more time for you to spend with your damn boyfriend but he didn't know it would lead to the end of your friendship. 

No way he'd bail on the picnic plans.

Prince Junnie🦄

[can i pls come over? i bought fruits for u<33 i'm sure fruits is exactly what u need right now!!]

Prince Junnie🦄

[idc if i get sick or not bc i still wanna hang out w u]

Prince Junnie🦄

[pls 누나]

Sent 11:33

You had ignored him only once before and it was a horrible experience.

The way you ignored him (on accident) was so hurtful that he had to leave the gathering that he had looked forward to for so long, confusing the other guests, to go and lock himself in a bathroom so he could cry without bothering anyone. You'd gone right after him since you knew it wasn't very Xiaojun-like to leave a fun time for no reason. After you had knocked on the door and reassured him you were his best friend and not a random person coming to make fun of him, he let you in the bathroom.

The sight you were met by was his crumbling figure on the floor and overflowing tears on his cheeks. He had thought that you wanted nothing to do with him. Stupid you didn't see the obvious signs. It was because of the fact that you hadn't paid any attention to him that Xiaojun had gotten the idea that you had grown bored of him or that you wanted to leave him for Wonwoo (he hadn't told you the latter part, of course). And weeks later you did get together with Wonwoo. And that made him cry himself to sleep for days which you never knew.

How much your lack of attention and affection for Xiaojun had affected him was scary. And a fucking sign, you idiot. Nobody gets so worked up over the loss of affection of someone they view as a friend. Ever since that incident you'd made sure to always remind him of how much you value your friendship.

Except for today.

He thought he had made it clear enough to you that you never ever should ignore him unless you really meant It. Unless you really wanted to part ways. To go from the bestest friends to cold acquaintances. Some people might think it's crazy to be this attached to a best friend but you weren't just his best friend. You were his love and happiness. Without you he didn't have either.

Five minutes passed since he triple texted you and he still had no reply. Slowly he felt how his tummy was turning into knots and how his eyes started stinging.

Prince Junnie🦄

[ur making me worried]

Prince Junnie🦄

[hey!! text me so ik u didn't die from choking on strawberry milk 누나😰]

Prince Junnie🦄

[r u ignoring me?🫠]

Prince Junnie🦄

[unless u have corona, meet me by the river at 6 if u care abt me. i need to talk to u abt smth important]

Sent 12:04

If you didn't show up he knew for sure that you had left him behind forever. If you did show up then he'd confess to you. So spontaneously he couldn't keep his feelings away from you for another year because it wasn't healthy and he knew it. He knew he would have to tell you about his feelings sooner or later. And after being without you for a whole ass week and after experiencing the cruel punishment that is being ignored and even thinking you broke your dear friendship off, he knew the time had come for him to finally woman up and confess.

Whilst he was anxiously thinking through why he made such a bold move and possibly ruined any future he had with you, the girl he loved was being lazy and stuffing her face in pillows in front of a TV.

one season of Bojack Horseman later...

Tossed between blankets and an overflow of pillows, your tummy roared like a lion. You hadn't eaten anything yet. Maybe it was time to do something other than numbing your feelings with Netflix and the drinks you had at home? As you stood up you felt heavy. You had moved maximum 100 meters in the past few hours — to go to the bathroom, then kitchen and back to the living room — and it had taken a toll on your body physically.

Fuck.

You sat back down on your sofa and brought your phone to view after hours without it.

[6 new messages from Prince Junnie🦄]

Fuck. The last message was sent so long ago. You looked at your windows. It was dark outside. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. As fast as you physically could, you put on a pair of shoes and a jacket with your aching limbs.

In just a few minutes you were on your way to the closest bus station. The whole bus ride to the river was filled with thoughts putting you down. Your favorite person in the world was sensitive about this stuff and you hurt him. You were supposed to not let your bad mood affect anybody around you. But who were you kidding? Of course something had to go wrong with an idea you constructed and analyzed for four microseconds.

Before you knew it you had arrived at the destination. You were speed walking to the river. You two always went to the exact same spot by the river since it was usually vacant, by some miracle, and had a pretty view of a bridge.

You were naive enough to think that isolating yourself from your bestfriend and your phone would help solve your problems, so you were certainly naive enough to go and check if Xiaojun was still at your meeting place hours after you were supposed to meet him. What if he wasn't there? What if he was there?

The water was shimmering from the moonlight and next to it was a bench and an athletic, tall silhouette. Your eyes widened. Could it be...? Sniffles. That's the sound that came from their direction. You walked closer and could make out the lines of a figure that was all too familiar.

"Prince?"

The silhouette turned around and though it was dark you could see that it in fact was him. You quickly sat down beside him and noticed that a couple of notebooks were scattered on the ground next to a bike. You didn't know what to do, never having seen glad Xiaojun cry. After another particularly loud sniffle you turned your attention back to him. The light of the moon exposed the redness and tears on his face. For hours he'd been outside and his face was still wet with tears.

"Why are you still out at this hour?"

He choked on his tears and rested his face in his hands, "Because I'm a fool."

"No, you're not a—"

"Why are you here?" he interrupted you.

Touché.

"You told me to meet you if I care about you."

"You come here hours later as if I don't mean anything to you," he hurried out before his voice could crack.

"I'm sorry about that. But if I didn't care about you I wouldn't show up at all," you spoke with a soft tone. The last thing you wanted was to be harsh, especially since you were the reason your best friend was upset.

"Why did you do this to me, 누나?" he looked you in the eyes as if he'd find any answers inside them.

"I promise I didn't do it on purpose. I would never hurt you on purpose," you took his hands into yours, oblivious to how the simple gesture made Xiaojun a bit hopeful on the inside.

His hands were so cold it was shocking that he was shaking because of his crying and not because of the ice-like coldness. That's what happens when you're out for hours when there's no sun — or person — to keep you warm.

"I saw the messages 20 minutes ago and got here immediately. I would never purposely ignore you, Prince."

You made sure to use his nickname in almost every sentence you spoke, silently telling him that you don't want to fight. Slowly you brought his hands to your lips and kissed them lightly, five kisses on each hand for every finger. He looked at your lovely action and felt how his tears were slowing down. The kisses didn't make him warm — maybe for a second — but at least they made him feel somewhat better inside.

"I'm so, so sorry you had to be here in the cold," you apologized and kept his hands in yours as an attempt to warm them.

One part of Xiaojun wanted to continue being mad and make you feel bad for the hurt you'd caused him but the bigger part wanted you to hold him in your arms. He loved you and couldn't stay mad at you for long even if he tried.

"I-It's OK, 누나. At least you're here now," he whispered and looked at your locked hands, admiring the sight since it may never happen again — or maybe he should make sure his hands are cold more often—

You sent him a sorrowful smile and let his head rest on your shoulder, resting your own against it as an instinct, both from being comfortable and tired.

"From now on I will check if I have any texts every hour for you," you said with an exaggerated joking voice to lighten the mood.

He giggled. You weren't even being that funny but you were both tired and sad, so anything even a tiny bit funny was hilarious to both of you.

"What did you want to tell me before, Prince?" you whispered into his fluffy hair and petted it.

Should he tell you how he feels? Should he possibly ruin this? If he told you how he truly felt, would you ever kiss him hands like you did just now? Would you ever touch him this caringly ever again? Would you continue to call him Prince? Or would all of that be gone due to your loyalty to your sweet precious boyfriend Wonwoo?

For hours Xiaojun had been outside in the cold waiting for the love of his life so he could tell her the truth. But it took time before you, the love of his life, showed up. Too long.

When a person is alone outside with notebooks filled with blank pages to write feelings and stories in, it's easy to let emotions take over. He ended up writing around seven poems. Some poems were really cheesy and written in the spirit of the moment. Some didn't even rhyme. Some were a perfect description of where he was in him non-existent love life.

But they all had one thing in common.

They were melancholic and written from the point of view of a man who was hopelessly in love with his best friend.

"Nothing. I just wanted to have a picnic with you, 누나. I was just being dramatic to convince you to come despite feeling under the weather," he lied right through his teeth.

That made no sense because you two had never been on a picnic after sunset and Xiaojun would never lie to make you come see him. But you were tired and desperate to leave the cold outside, so you chuckled lightly, believing him immediately.

"Then where are the snacks?" you asked, confused since the only things around you were notebooks, a bike and water.

"I ate them."

Laughter filled the air; your genuine one and his fake one.

You put your face in his cheek, making him blush (not that you'd notice, since his cheeks were already red from before), "Well, my tummy is a little too thin right now, so let's go somewhere."

"In the middle of the night?" he questioned.

"Yes," you smiled against his cheek and he felt it, making him smile too.

"OK."

You both were still smiling when you were picking up all the notebooks to get ready for the ride. Jokes were thrown here and there. It was as if nothing had happened. You both knew it was a misunderstanding and you valued the friendship with the other too much to put energy into arguing. And you were tired too, so the argument wouldn't even be that epic even if you tried.

"What about your bike?" 

"Oh nooo! The buses are always so full now that it's too late to take the subway!" Xiaojun whined.

"You know what? Since I was a jerk you can go take a warm bus while I ride in the cold," you said impulsively.

"B-But, 누나—" he smiled, flattered. 

"B-But nothing," you interrupted him and sat down on the bike. Anyone who had spoken to you knew you were stubborn. He laughed. The little sadness he had left was gone by now. His cheeks were dry. Still red, but not from crying, now they were red from blushing.

"OK, whatever you say, 누나."

"You brought a transport card right?" you made sure since he came by bike.

"Yes I did~ See you in an hour, 누나," he winked at you and waved with a smile brighter than the moon before running to the bus that just arrived.

You waved back to him and got ready to bike — you definitely needed a head start. But before you started you couldn't help but see something white standing out in the darkness.

It was another one of Xiaojun's notebooks. You must've been too tired to notice it when you were picking them up. Thankfully the notebook was open or else you wouldn't have noticed it as it had a dark cover. You took it into your hands. To make sure it really was Xiaojun's you needed to read at least a snippet.

You prayed it was Xiaojun's because it would be worse if you read a stranger's private thoughts than your best friend's since you already knew all him secrets. The snippet was Xiaojun's. It was from one of the pages of poems that didn't rhyme, that was very cheesy but depicted how sappy he was feeling and also told him part of the story that you never knew.

I want to feel my best friend's lips on my lips

I want, more than anything, her to call me HER Prince

You drop the book on the grass. So that's what he wanted to tell you.

[janesociety]

daddy issues, pt ii

tony stark x teen!reader

type: angst, hurt/comfort (?)

summary: you aren’t getting better- tony knows it, you know it, and so does everyone else.

word count: 2.5k

warnings: mentions of death and dying. reader is very sick. medical procedures like surgery and an iv.

pt i

masterlist

✩ ✩ ✩

You were getting better. That’s what Tony had kept telling you, at least.

You weren’t all that convinced.

You woke up almost a whole day later with Tony’s hand in yours. He was always softer with you than other people, but not like this. He rarely left your side the entire time you were out, and once you woke up, he still seemed to check in on you regularly- sometimes for hours at a time.

Bruce eventually took you off the oxygen, but the IV remained in your arm- much to your dismay. He kept running tests, everything he tried coming up blank, but he wasn’t going to stop until you were better.

“You don’t have to sit in here all day and watch me sleep,” you spoke up one day as you groggily rolled onto your side. Tony set the book he was reading off to the side. “I won’t wither away just because you’re not here.”

“Oh, please, we all know you’d burn the place down if we left you alone long enough,” Tony said, adjusting his position in the plastic chair he was sitting in. “That’s why we had to put your room next to Steve’s- popsicles don’t burn, they melt.” You couldn’t help the laugh that flowed from your lips at the lame joke. Even if it was followed by a small coughing fit. “Take it easy, kiddo,” Tony said, scooting closer to your bed. “Don’t wear yourself out.”

You gave a small head nod in response, suddenly feeling weaker than before. Tony leaned back in his seat, picking his book back up.

“Tony?” you asked. He hummed in response. “Am I dying?”

“No, of course not,” he said, a little too quickly in your opinion.

“I’d want you to be honest with me if I was,” you said, playing with your fingers. The small act was making your hands ache, so you stopped, resting them over your stomach.

Tony reached over, careful to avoid the wires sticking out of you, taking your hand in his.

“You’re not dying, Y/N,” he said firmly.

You still knew he was lying.

Within the next two days, things only seemed to get worse. All the Avengers were now taking shifts by your side- usually with a lot of overlap as each lasted hours at a time. You’d been put back on oxygen when you began complaining of being so tired that it hurt to breathe.

You tried to put on a brave face for the rest of them, even if you could read all their faces and knew that they knew something you didn’t. You never cried or complained. You didn’t question anyone about you dying again, simply accepting it as a fact. Of course it was going to happen one day, but you couldn’t help that you were sad it was so soon.

“Please tell me you have something,” Tony said as he entered the lab adjacent to the med bay.

“I might,” he said, putting some scam results he took up on a board. “I think it’s connected to her powers. You see, she got them from HYDRA, right? Now that’s not easy- it takes advanced biotechnology to be able to give someone powers without killing them. You already know that, I suppose.” Tony resisted the urge to snap at Bruce for taking so long with his explanation. “Well, I think they installed some kind of self destruct along with. Like a biological timer to keep their ‘goods’ from being kept in the wrong hands.” Tony kept harsh eye contact with Bruce. “It’s causing her body to shut down.”

“But you can fix it, right?” Tony said, staring at the black and white images that meant nothing to him.

“We’re running out of time,” Bruce said, clearing his throat. “Once it gets past a certain point, it may… it may just be better to let her go.”

“No, we’re not doing that,” Tony said, barely letting Bruce finish and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Tony-“

“I promised her she wasn’t dying and I will not be made into a liar,” he said, harshly. Bruce looked away from him, the monitor on his desk displaying your vitals in the next room. Tony sighed. “Just tell me what you need. Doctors, staff, medical equipment- I can get you anything you need in the next two hours.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

You were pretty out of it for the next few days. When you were conscious, you were in pain, and when you slept, you were restless and often had nightmares. In the times you were awake, you were aware enough to know there was now a team of medical professionals checking in on you at all times. You felt like a guinea pig with how many people were constantly examining, touching, and prodding at you at all times.

Tony still stayed close, albeit a bit farther back after being snapped at by a doctor one too many times for being in the way.

Even if your eyes hardly opened for more than ten minutes at a time, you were always acutely aware of the number of people around you. Most of the Avengers sat with Tony around your bed and you kept hearing things along the lines of “go to bed, Nat,” and “we’ll come get you if anything changes, Steve,” and “if I fall asleep, wake me up when she does.”

You could hear the hushed whispers of doctors talking to Tony or Bruce over your head. You could hardly focus long enough to catch any of what they were saying, but when you heard a doctor say “Let’s step into the hall,” you knew it wasn’t good.

“Unless we can figure out what’s killing her,” Dr. Klein, an older woman and one of the best immunologists in the Northern Hemisphere, said, “we’re going to just be barely keeping her alive. Her quality of life is rapidly deteriorating and I believe she may be taking a turn for the worse.” Tony watched you through the window, surrounded by machines, doctors, and superheroes. “I thought I should let you know that it may be time to discuss hospice options in the event there’s nothing else we can do.”

Tony didn’t answer her. He just stood, watching you. He shut down any time anyone brought up you dying. He couldn’t help it. Imagining a world without you just seemed so impossible he couldn’t even fathom the reality he was being faced with.

Dr. Klein’s pager beeped and she excused herself, leaving Tony alone.

“Steve?” you said, your mouth dry from how long it’d been since you spoke. The others around the bed, including Steve, collectively stood and walked closer to you. You could tell Wanda, Bucky, and Sam were there and were somewhat surprised that Tony wasn’t.

“I’m here,” Steve said, taking one of your hands and leaning closer to you to hear your weak sounding voice.

“What’s going on?” you asked, not actually wanting to know what was going on, but rather wanting to have a conversation with someone. You hadn’t had much of a chance to speak to any of them and it was starting to get quite boring only being stuck with your thoughts and nightmares.

“You’re in the hospital still,” he said, stroking your hair back.

“Oh,” was all you could muster, mentally kicking yourself for sounding more confused than you were. You had to take a moment, the small sentences winding you. “Can you talk to me?” you croaked, your voice sounding scratchy. “All of you?”

“‘Course, doll,” Bucky answered, grabbing his chair and moving it forward. You mustered up a small smile, but it disappeared the moment it was there. The thought crossed his mind that he preferred it when you were screaming and thrashing, because then at least you could move. He mentally kicked himself for even comparing the two.

“Anything you want to hear about?” Steve asked. You wanted to say yes and list off all the things you wanted to talk about since you got sick, but your throat was already so sore from talking. You shook your head no.

Sam leaned forward in his seat. “Why don’t I tell you about mine and Bucky’s training session the other day?” You couldn’t help but crack a smile, seeing Bucky immediately turn red.

“Hey now-“

“C’mon, Buck,” Sam said, feigning offense, “you’re going to deny the girl this funny story just because she wasn’t there to experience it?” Bucky just shook his head. “Anyway, as I was saying…”

You tried to stay awake. You really did. But you kept nodding off anyway, jumping awake every few minutes to tell him to keep going.

“I can finish the story later, Y/N,” he said after the eighth time you’d fallen asleep.

“No, no,” you said, coughing slightly. “Just keep going. I want to hear your voice.” You took notice of Wanda’s silence, reaching out suddenly for her hand. She took it, squeezing it a few times as she tried to keep tears from her eyes. She’d already lost one sibling. She couldn’t lose another, even if you weren’t blood.

“So Bucky decided it was a good idea to get up again-“

“Excuse me,” a doctor said, rushing up to your bed with what seemed to be a whole medical team and a few other doctors you recognized behind him. “I’m sorry, I need you all to step back.” He was being quite rude with his tone, you thought. Everyone did as they were told, but you kept your feeble grip on Wanda’s hand.

“Ma’am-“

“Please,” you spoke up, staring weakly at him. He glared down at you.

“Alright,” he muttered under his breath. Nurses moved all around you, messing with the machines, your IV, one even shining a light in your eyes. You’d gotten somewhat used to people randomly walking up to you and poking at you or shoving things in your face, but with so many people it quickly became overwhelming. You squeezed Wanda’s hand tighter, beginning to shake a little.

Finally a familiar face appeared over you.

“Y/N,” Bruce said, leaning over your bed. “We’re gonna take you back to surgery, okay? Everything’s gonna be alright.” You began to shake more and Wanda put a hand over yours in a weak attempt to comfort you.

Tears were forming in your eyes, suddenly feeling the most scared you had been since you got sick.

“No,” you cried out weakly. “Please.” Tears streamed sideways down your face, either hitting the oxygen tube around your ears or your hair. Even if you were barely conscious most of the time, you wanted to be aware before you died. You didn’t want to go out on a metal table. The idea of not being able to feel yourself slipping terrified you.

“It’s going to be alright, you’re in good hands,” Bruce said as your bed began moving. Wanda’s hand slipped out of yours and you waved it around frantically trying to find hers again.

“No, please, no,” you whispered, barely processing where you were going. All you could see were the lights overhead as they rolled you down the hall. Everything else took too much effort to focus on. You came to a sudden stop in a dark room. Your cries became louder.

“Y/N, listen to me, sweetheart,” Bruce said, appearing in front of you again, “everything’s going to be alright. You’re going to be okay.” As he was speaking, someone removed your oxygen tube and put an oxygen mask over your face. “You’re alright.”

“You’re okay.”

“Everything’s alright.”

That was the last thing you remember.

Fortunately for you, the Avengers, and, by extension, Earth (because who knows what would’ve happened if they’d really lost you), you woke up a little over a day later.

You still felt sore- all the muscles in your body burning even as you laid flat on a bed. You were still exhausted. Beyond exhausted, even. Your eyelids and limbs are so heavy you could barely move. You could feel the now familiar feeling of an oxygen tube under your nose. It calmed you in some way.

The only real difference you could identify is you didn’t feel like you were being drained. Like the life was no longer being sucked out of you.

When you finally got your eyes opened, it took a minute for everything to come into focus. The overhead lights that had been on almost the entire time you were sick before were now dimmed, which you were thankful for considering being blinded was not the first thing you wanted to experience once you woke up. You turned your head slightly, still unsure of moving your body. The only person next to your bed now was Tony, just like the first time you woke up there.

He was holding your hand again, which you had to look down to realize because you were still trying to regain meaningful feeling in most of your body. He was asleep, slumped forward with his head resting on his arm against your bed. Slowly, you moved each of your fingers, eventually resulting in you squeezing his hand. It took him a minute to wake up- using his free hand to rub his eyes and check the time before he finally looked up and saw you staring back at him.

“Hey,” he said, leaning forward so he was closer to your head. He held your hand now in both of his so that it was next to his face. “How are you feeling?” You cleared your throat, not feeling the ache in your lungs you’d grown accustomed to over the long week.

“Amazing,” you said, cracking a smile. Your voice was weak and hoarse, but all Tony could focus on was the fact that your eyes were actually focusing on him- not in the distance, not nodding off, at him. He laughed at the absurdity of your response, and so did you, but you stopped once you realized his had turned to sobs. You didn’t know what to do at first. For one, Tony Stark was crying in front of you. Not only that, he was crying about you. And secondly, you were still feeling a bit drowsy from anesthesia and processing everything was taking just a bit longer.

“Tony,” you said, haphazardly moving your other hand to sit on top of his that were still around your other hand. “Please don’t cry.” He smiled, tears still running down his face as he rested his forehead on the stack of hands you’d both created.

“We thought we’d lost you,” he said, his shoulders still shaking as he squeezed your hand tighter. He looked up at you, his face red. You grinned at him.

“You didn’t really think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?”

[lesbolieeh]

She left behind a poem

Yuna (ITZY) ✦ Fem!Reader

WC—3.8 ✦ k

THEMES—sfw ✦ light angst ✦ future fluff (?) ✦ best friend au ✦ crush au

WARNING—anxiety ✦ heartbreak ✦ crying yuna :(

NOW PLAYING—Jenny (I Wanna Ruin Our Friendship) ✦ Studio Killers

[A/N.] 언니 (eonni) = older sister

Original ver. “The Notebook” (Somi x reader)

M.LISTS—itzy ✦ latest updates ✦ read on wp

All rights reserved © lesbolieeh

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Today was one of those bad fucking days. One of those days when you can't find any positivity in anything. One of those days when you don't feel like talking to the people you love the most. One of those days when you just want to give up.

The first thing you saw in the morning was a the notification of a text from your girlfriend. Looking at the white speech bubble is something you usually look forward to when you see Somi's name bright up your screen, knowing she always has something entertaining to tell.

But this particular morning she said something you wish were a joke.

SomSom babieboo💞

[ive been thinking lately and _____ i think we need a break]

😘🤌👅🍒🍑✂️🌈☀️

[You're not going to tell me why?]

Seen 10:17

You asked her the first thing that came to your mind. She couldn't possibly just expect you to be OK with having a break without a reason, right?

After an hour you accepted the fact that she had left you on read and that she wasn't going to reply anytime soon.

Maybe it was because she called you _____.

She never called you by your name. Only your friends called you that. She was supposed to call you weird or cheesy pet names and nothing else!

She left you with a headache. She left you with your bad thoughts and theories. Damn you, Somi.

It was very human-like of you to be in a bad mood. Only a robot would feel nothing in this situation. The day wouldn't get any worse. You were going to make sure of it! Your mood may have been bad, but you weren't going to let anyone else get affected by it. Lashing out on innocent people because you don't feel good on the inside is something you hated doing.

Today you were going to hang out with your best friend, Yuna, have a picnic on a park next to the Han river. Yuna had packed a cute pink basket (that she had specifically bought for you two to use for picnics together since they happened at least thrice a month) which was filled with tuna and kimchi kimbap, green grapes, two clementines and some churro flavored chips and you had packed a large outdoor blanket so Yuna wouldn't have too much to carry. For almost a week you two hadn't met up and you both missed each other and wanted to make up for the days you had spent apart so of course you went for the nice, typical no-homo picnic hang out session.

But no.

You weren't going to meet Yuna and ruin her parade with the rain cloud that was following you around wherever you went since you opened your eyes this dark morning. No, you weren't going to let the first time you two meet in such a long time be ruined by the sad news you got this ugly morning.

언니 🥰

[I can't hang out today, sorry]

Baby Yunanana🍓

[why not?☹️]

언니 🥰

[I'm not feeling too well]

Baby Yunanana🍓

[it's ok i'll get some soup for u😊]

언니 🥰

[No, you don't need to, I don't want you to get sick!]

Baby Yunanana🍓

[but ive missed u sm☹️]

언니 🥰

[We'll meet another day I promise to make up for this!]

And so you put the phone gently on the table to lay on the sofa and binge watch some random show. You made sure to turn your phone off first since you knew you'd cut Somi some slack in case you read any persuasive text from her — she's good with words and making you feel loved. Whilst you were looking through all the lists Netflix had created for you, which were filled with movies and series you either had already seen or weren't interested in, Yuna was still expectantly waiting for her screen to go bright.

She must be joking, she thought.

Unlike you, Yuna's morning had started out brilliant. From the moment she opened her eyes, she was smiling and full of energy, excited to hang out with you after not seeing you for five whole days. She had missed you. Spending time with you was one of her favorite hobbies! Since you two had picnics regularly you two had decided that you would take turns in deciding and packing the picnic basket and this time it was Yuna's turn! She had been so excited all week, planning out a shopping list days before. She had specifically purchased grapes this time because she had this fantasy of putting one in your mouth (which sounded weird, but it would feel intimate to feed you fruit) and also playing around and throwing grapes up in the air and catching them in the mouth.

Needless to say, she liked you a little more than a best friend should and that was a bit of a problem. Her friends kept telling her that it was stupid to spend so much time with you and that Yuna should either try to ignore her emotions or she should distance herself from you until she loses feelings, because it was unfair to hurt herself by giving herself false hopes of getting somewhere with a taken girl.

And Yuna knew it. For so long, she'd known that it was a bad idea to like you. You didn't like her in the same way, and you even had a girlfriend for fuck's sake — and a really pretty one at that! But no matter how many red flags there were, she still wanted to spend everyday with you. She didn't want a week to go by without being with you. She wanted to cuddle with you on a picnic blanket. She wanted to kiss you when you visited photo booths. She wanted to share shirts with you. She wanted to stay up late and talk until you two fell asleep in each others' arms. She wanted to be the only one you called Baby.

Wondering why you called Yuna 'Baby' when you already were in a relationship with Somi? Well, Baby had been Yuna's nickname before you even met Somi (yes, you'd known Yuna longer than you'd known Somi, yet you still found yourself in a relationship with the latter — or not anymore actually). And though your (then) girlfriend never liked it, you had convinced her it was just a friendly pet name. Because that's exactly what it was.

To you.

To Yuna it was the closest she'd ever feel to being your girlfriend. But you started using that pet name less and ever since Somi came around and ruined everything more than it already was ruined. Yuna even had to change her contact name on your phone to include the word 'baby' so you wouldn't forget to call her that.

She loathed Somi.

Somi was always the reason why you couldn't hang out with your bestfriend for too long, why you couldn't call her Baby on certain occasions and why you couldn't look at her as a potential girlfriend. Somi was an attention thief. Not really. But it felt like it. Yuna was jealous of everything Somi had with you.

Because your girlfriend obviously was a threat, Yuna felt like she needed even more of your validation than before (which was already a lot). She needed your attention. If you ignored her she'd think it was your way of telling her that you had left her completely for Somi. Ridiculous! She shouldn't feel like you owe attention to her.

Your friendly fucking friendship was the closest thing Yuna had to being together with you in the way she really wanted, so she valued it a lot. Not having you as her girlfriend was painful enough, but not having you as even her friend would break her.

Right now you weren't validating your time together, nor your friendship — or at least it felt like it to Yuna. She always needed. Your attention and unlike normally, she wasn't getting it right now. Her smile dropped and so did her excitement for the day.

Was this the end?

She knew that spending one week without each other would lead to more time for you to spend with your damn girlfriend but she didn't know it would lead to the end of your friendship.

No way she'd bail on the picnic plans.

Baby Yunanana🍓

[can i pls come over? i bought fruits for u<33 i'm sure fruits is exactly what u need right now!!]

Baby Yunanana🍓

[idc if i get sick or not bc i still wanna hang out w u]

Baby Yunanana🍓

[pls 언니]

Sent 11:33

You had ignored her only once before and it was a horrible experience.

The way you ignored her (on accident) was so hurtful that she had to leave the gathering that she had looked forward to for so long, confusing the other guests, to go and lock herself in a bathroom so she could cry without bothering anyone. You'd gone right after her since you knew it wasn't very Yuna-like to leave a fun time for no reason. After you had knocked on the door and reassured her you were her best friend and not a random person coming to make fun of her, she let you in the bathroom.

The sight you were met by was her crumbling figure on the floor and overflowing tears on her cheeks. She had thought that you wanted nothing to do with her. Stupid you didn't see the obvious signs. It was because of the fact that you hadn't paid any attention to her that Yuna had gotten the idea that you had grown bored of her or that you wanted to leave her for Somi (she hadn't told you the latter part, of course). And weeks later you did get together with Somi. And that made her cry herself to sleep for days which you never knew.

How much your lack of attention and affection for Yuna had affected her was scary. And a fucking sign, you idiot. Nobody gets so worked up over the loss of affection of someone they view as a friend. Ever since that incident you'd made sure to always remind her of how much you value your friendship.

Except for today.

She thought she had made it clear enough to you that you never ever should ignore her unless you really meant It. Unless you really wanted to part ways. To go from the bestest friends to cold acquaintances. Some people might think it's crazy to be this attached to a best friend but you weren't just her best friend. You were her love and happiness. Without you she didn't have either.

Five minutes passed since she triple texted you and she still had no reply. Slowly she felt how her tummy was turning into knots and how her eyes started stinging.

Baby Yunanana🍓

[ur making me worried]

Baby Yunanana🍓

[hey!! text me so ik u didn't die from choking on strawberry milk 언니😰]

Baby Yunanana🍓

[r u ignoring me?🫠]

Baby Yunanana🍓

[unless u have corona, meet me by the river at 6 if u care abt me. i need to talk to u abt smth important]

Sent 12:04

If you didn't show up she knew for sure that you had left her behind forever. If you did show up then she'd confess to you. So spontaneous. She couldn't keep her feelings away from you for another year because it wasn't healthy and she knew it. She knew she would have to tell you about her feelings sooner or later. And after being without you for a whole ass week and after experiencing the cruel punishment that is being ignored and even thinking you broke your dear friendship off, she knew the time had come for her to finally woman up and confess.

Whilst she was anxiously thinking through why she made such a bold move and possibly ruined any future she had with you, the girl she loved was being lazy and stuffing her face in pillows in front of a TV.

one season of Young Royals later...

Tossed between blankets and an overflow of pillows, your tummy roared like a lion. You hadn't eaten anything yet. Maybe it was time to do something other than numbing your feelings with Netflix and the drinks you had at home? As you stood up you felt heavy. You had moved maximum 100 meters in the past few hours — to go to the bathroom then kitchen and back to the living room — and it had taken a toll on your body physically.

Fuck.

You sat back down on your sofa and brought your phone to view after hours without it.

[6 new messages from Baby Yunanana🍓]

Fuck. The last message was sent so long ago. You looked at your windows. It was dark outside. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. As fast as you physically could, you put on a pair of shoes and a jacket with your aching limbs.

In just a few minutes you were on your way to the closest bus station. The whole bus ride to the river was filled with thoughts putting you down. Your favorite person in the world was sensitive about this stuff and you hurt her. You were supposed to not let your bad mood affect anybody around you. But who were you kidding? Of course something had to go wrong with an idea you constructed and analyzed for four microseconds.

Before you knew it you had arrived at the destination. You were speed walking to the river. You two always went to the exact same spot by the river since it was usually vacant, by some miracle, and had a pretty view of a bridge.

You were naive enough to think that isolating yourself from your bestfriend and your phone would help solve your problems, so you were certainly naive enough to go and check if Yuna was still at your meeting place hours after you were supposed to meet her. What if she wasn't there? What if she was there?

The water was shimmering from the moonlight and next to it was a bench and a thin, tall silhouette. Your eyes widened. Could it be...? Sniffles. That's the sound that came from their direction. You walked closer and could make out the lines of a figure that was all too familiar.

"Baby?"

The silhouette turned around and though it was dark you could see that it in fact was her. You quickly sat down beside her and noticed that a couple of notebooks were scattered on the ground next to a bike. You didn't know what to do, never having seen glad Yuna cry. After another particularly loud sniffle you turned your attention back to her. The light of the moon exposed the redness and tears on her face. For hours she'd been outside and her face was still wet with tears.

"Why are you still out at this hour?"

She choked on her tears and rested her face in her hands, "Because I'm a fool."

"No, you're not a—"

"Why are you here?" she interrupted you.

Touché.

"You told me to meet you if I care about you."

"You come here hours later as if I don't mean anything to you," she hurried out before her voice could crack.

"I'm sorry about that. But if I didn't care about you I wouldn't show up at all," you spoke with a soft tone. The last thing you wanted was to be harsh, especially since you were the reason your best friend was upset.

"Why did you do this to me, 언니?" she looked you in the eyes as if she'd find any answers inside them.

"I promise I didn't do it on purpose. I would never hurt you on purpose," you took her hands into yours, oblivious to how the simple gesture made Yuna a bit hopeful on the inside.

Her hands were so cold it was shocking that she was shaking because of her crying and not because of the ice-like coldness. That's what happens when you're out for hours when there's no sun — or person — to keep you warm.

"I saw the messages 20 minutes ago and got here immediately. I would never purposely ignore you, Baby."

You made sure to use her nickname in almost every sentence you spoke, silently telling her that you don't want to fight. Slowly you brought her hands to your lips and kissed them lightly, five kisses on each hand for every finger. She looked at your lovely action and felt how her tears were slowing down. The kisses didn't make her warm — maybe for a second — but at least they made her feel somewhat better inside.

"I'm so, so sorry you had to be here in the cold," you apologized and kept her hands in yours as an attempt to warm them.

One part of Yuna wanted to continue being mad and make you feel bad for the hurt you'd caused her but the bigger part wanted you to hold her in your arms. She loved you and couldn't stay mad at you for long even if she tried.

"I-It's OK, 언니. At least you're here now," she whispered and looked at your locked hands, admiring the sight since it may never happen again — or maybe she should make sure her hands are cold more often—

You sent her a sorrowful smile and let her head rest on your shoulder, resting your own against it as an instinct, both from being comfortable and tired.

"From now on I will check if I have any texts every hour for you," you said with an exaggerated joking voice to lighten the mood.

She giggled. You weren't even being that funny but you were both tired and sad, so anything even a tiny bit funny was hilarious to both of you.

"What did you want to tell me before, Baby?" you whispered into her fluffy hair and petted it.

Should she tell you how she feels? Should she possibly ruin this? If she told you how she truly felt, would you ever kiss her hands like you did just now? Would you ever touch her this caringly ever again? Would you continue to call her Baby? Or would all of that be gone due to your loyalty to your sweet precious girlfriend Somi?

For hours Yuna had been outside in the cold waiting for the love of her life so she could tell her the truth. But it took time before you, the love of her life, showed up. Too long.

When a person is alone outside with notebooks filled with blank pages to write feelings and stories in, it's easy to let emotions take over. She ended up writing around seven poems. Some poems were really cheesy and written in the spirit of the moment. Some didn't even rhyme. Some were a perfect description of where she was in her non-existing love life.

But they all had one thing in common.

They were melancholic and written from the point of view of a woman who was hopelessly in love with her best friend.

"Nothing. I just wanted to have a picnic with you, 언니. I was just being dramatic to convince you to come despite feeling under the weather," she lied right through her teeth.

That made no sense because you two had never been on a picnic after sunset and Yuna would never lie to make you come see her. But you were tired and desperate to leave the cold outside, so you chuckled lightly, believing her immediately.

"Then where are the snacks?" you asked, confused since the only things around you were notebooks, a bike and water.

"I ate them."

Laughter filled the air; your genuine one and her fake one.

You put your face in her cheek, making her blush (not that you'd notice, since her cheeks were already red from before), "Well, my tummy is a little too thin right now, so let's go somewhere."

"In the middle of the night?" she questioned.

"Yes," you smiled against her cheek and she felt it, making her smile too.

"OK."

You both were still smiling when you were picking up all the notebooks to get ready for the ride. Jokes were thrown here and there. It was as if nothing had happened. You both knew it was a misunderstanding and you valued the friendship with the other too much to put energy into arguing. And you were tired too, so the argument wouldn't even be that epic even if you tried.

"What about your bike?"

"Oh nooo! The buses are always so full now that it's too late to take the subway!" Yuna whined.

"You know what? Since I was a jerk you can go take a warm bus while I ride in the cold," you said impulsively.

"B-But, 언니—" she smiled, flattered.

"B-But nothing," you interrupted her and sat down on the bike. Anyone who had spoken to you knew you were stubborn. She laughed. The little sadness she had left was gone by now. Her cheeks were dry. Still red, but not from crying, now they were red from blushing.

"OK, whatever you say, 언니."

"You brought a transport card right?" you made sure since she came by bike.

"Yes I do~ See you in an hour, 언니," she winked at you and waved with a smile brighter than the moon before running to the bus that just arrived.

You waved back to her and got ready to bike — you definitely needed a head start. But before you started you couldn't help but see something white standing out in the darkness.

It was another one of Yuna's notebooks. You must've been too tired to notice it when you were picking them up. Thankfully the notebook was open or else you wouldn't have noticed it as it had a dark cover. You took it into your hands. To make sure it really was Yuna's you needed to read at least a snippet.

You prayed it was Yuna's because it would be worse if you read a stranger's private thoughts than your best friend's since you already knew all her secrets. The snippet was Yuna's. It was from one of the pages of poems that didn't rhyme, that was very cheesy but depicted how sappy she was feeling and also told her part of the story that you never knew.

i want to feel my best friend's lips on my lips

ugh how much of a cliche gay can i be haha

i don't want her to call me 'baby' only

i want her to call me 'mine'

i want to call her that too

You drop the book on the grass. So that's what she wanted to tell you.

✦ ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ✦ ੈ ✦ ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ✦ ੈ ✦

❝ Jenny, darling, you're my best friend

But there's a few things that you don't know of

Why I borrow your lipstick so often

I'm using your shirt as a pillow case

(...)

I've been doing bad things that you don't know about

Stealing your stuff now and then

Nothing you'd miss, but it means the world to me ❞

—chubby cherry; 2013

[ms-scarletwings]

A Messy, Sedulous Necropsy of Zib Membrane

That’s what we call him right? Not Invader Zib? Hell if I know, we’ll let the tags decide.

Whatever he is christened by his author, enemies, or fans, this titular villain of the Zimvoid is such a mind blaster to me. I wish we had more time with him within the comics. I wish he had been a concept explored in the show. I wish he had a movie. I am having fun with a little hyperbole here, but I truly do find him just as interesting and potentially pivotal of an antagonist as Tak was, if not even more.

Both, of course, were so badly underutilized for sake of the series status quo. To that, Zib was a much bigger threat than Tak, and especially to that of the comics’ own. He potentially changes everything, and somehow absolutely nothing by the end. The TV show always had a more overt tone of cruelty and the macabre floating about its themes. These print issues? I don’t dislike them. It’s still recognizably invader Zim, and the more the merrier, content-wise, but longtime fans can feel that there was this change of essence in the transition. More obviously, in the art, but more subtly, there was an audible softening of that bluntly darker, cynical tone the show was made iconic for. To put it very generally, they lean a little more into the whackiness of this world, there’s a lot more dark comedy to be found in what I’ve seen so far rather than in your face darkness, and in the absence of the ost and voice acting the show accustomed us to, the comics leave a lot more room to be read as you wile. To me, they’re goofier and more episodic in spirit.

This all is not a critique or rating on the comics.. It’s purely, I feel, why Zib stuck out to me all the more jarringly in his context. His reveal was a genuine twist that brought forth stakes higher than arguably any other threat in the entire franchise. He represents a plausible while horrifying prophecy of our main characters if only they made worse decisions. The most interesting of all, for every piece of amazing information he fed to us, he bred dozens more questions about everything than he answered, from Irken machinations, to his ambivalent backstory, to the secrets hidden by the sum of his parts.

Though he was left evidently alive at the end of his story, I don’t see any chance for him making a return, so he is memorialized as another defeated one-off the writers have brisked past and left behind for good. Therefore, I’m here today to take what we got and present it on the metaphorical autopsy table. I want to really pull apart why this character alone pulled me back into the TV series, really just flay open the bits I can’t get out of my own head and dig harder until we find something or we run out of threads to tug at. Starting with the one already hanging out of my mouth, but

• B.E.F

“Bad End Friend” is a term I learned the meaning of within the last 12 hours or so of writing this, and I’m exuberant over that discovery. It’s a niche trope i didn’t know ive been a giant fan of since I was a child. Summed up, fictional characters from beloved media, typically, animated child protagonists… given the worst case scenario treatment. Their “bad ending”, whether that means a corruption arc, demonic possession, a lovecraftIan tragedy… usually something that’s anywhere along the lines of a fate worse than death to a full villainous turnover. As a treat. The concept is strongly associated with fanworks and AUs of popular media, but just as often this is something that becomes explored in the source material as well. A couple great examples I know would probably be Ice Prince Finn from Adventure Time or what happens in Undertale when you decide you want to run the most depraved playthrough possible. From a more mature story, “Evil” Morty is another validly arguable sample.

Besides a bit of a fondness I got going for certain dark or spooky themes in general, what I REALLY love about canonical BEFs the most is their utility as characterization tools. They’re the “having your cake and eating it too” option! The perfect way for an author to explore certain things about any character without actually committing to well… a bad ending.

Almost always, they are necessarily hypothetical or reversible. If they’re not reversible, they go often hand-in-hand with a little universe tampering to make happen. Sometimes, this means the story goes the way of time travel and branching off butterfly effects. Sometimes it means confirming multiverse theory, which can be the same thing depending on your semantical position.

And Zib crossed off the BEF qualifications by far and away. His implications are extremely dark given any pause think about them, and he’s a living, disturbing tragedy in aftermath. If you want to view a rigamarole about that aspect of his characterization as he appeared in the comics, someone else long beat me to that and I’m enthusiastically recommending a peek at their own work. I’m thrilled to do so and build a little upon that with those extended what-if-wonders.

• Lessons From a Lost Episode

Elephant in the room I haven’t seen someone ask yet, uh..

By show rules, isn’t Zib supposed to be a clear case of the writers committing the sin of retcon? By show I’m including the unaired scripts, including “10 Minutes to Doom”. In that one we had what looked like the potential setup for a Zib case, and it was deconstructed across the whole episode.

In short recap, Dib learned the hard and reckless way about the true nature of what Irken PAKs actually are. This is not an inventory bag, it is not “gear”. It’s the actual Irken entity- at least, the primary component.

Detaching it from the organic shell essentially caused a temporary split into two instances of Zim, desperately trying to connect back together under threat of obliteration.

Like let me be very clear about this,

The PAK is an autonomous instance of Zim’s consciousness, and it’s the main one. We’ve seen it act to save his life when his body has been out cold or flatlined, and he doesn’t appear the least bit disoriented or confused once “he” wakes and jumps back into the action. There’s no known separate computer assistant AI or security autopilot in there. That code, that program, IS Zim. As Long as the PAK is active, he is capable of staying fully conscious and able to react to what’s happening around him, and that’s what we’ve been seeing, his own actions.

Zim proved me right when Virooz tried to replace him and detached the PAK. Take note of his phrasing after the chair event™.

“I” activated the protocol. Immediately after Virooz ran off with my shell.

“I” Voluntarily chose to do so.

I don’t remember it playing out like that in “10 Minutes to Doom”.

Attaching to a new host wasn’t the first reflex. Dib was not the least bit aware that that he has literally holding the actual Zim captive in sense, and the latter was fighting like a cornered animal to escape him. Failing that, alongside the distance between him and his original body growing fast, he made a last desperate gambit, and he willingly connected himself into Dib’s body.

I can see why he thought this was better than nothing, no matter how repulsive the notion might have been. If he couldn’t fend Dib off physically, he could incapacitate him in some fashion by trying to overtake his will. Maybe give the shell a better chance to catch up, maybe in the longshot hope of being able to pilot dib in order to become whole with the correct host again. And you can say he succeeded, at least in dominating bodily control away from Dib, but at the cost of his already tenuously held sanity. This could be because of the interference of Dib’s own mind still resisting to fully submit, or malfunctions because of the biological incompatibility; however, the thing that Dib mentally becomes is only the basic idea of what “Zim” is. Instead of remembering it needs to reunite with its shell ASAP, the PAK mistakes Dib’s body for its own and goes through the manic motions of following the Invader mission. And it does this, weirdly enough, with almost no regard for blowing its cover.

When things are set right again, Zim’s later words near the episode ending revealed that he knew that was an unsustainable state.

Such a risk was not just accounted for, he was actually banking on it if that clock had hit zero. If Zim had truly lost, if he was really doomed to meet his end on this nasty rock in the middle of Nowhere, Space, then by every damned circuit in his being, he was going to take down this insolent fool boy and as many other humans possible with him. A dying act of vengeful rage.

• The Exceptional… Exception

Now, wouldn’t all of this be the definitive reason for Zib’s existence to be an aberrant impossibility? Yes, but actually no. Fun thing about multiverses is if something doesn’t work in one setting, you can just tweak a few dials and suddenly you have a world where the impossible becomes possible. But that’s a pretty cheap answer, isn’t it? So, what exactly was that crucial difference?

What happened in Zib’s timeline that went down so, so divergently from the events of 10 Minutes to Doom?

Because the only one who was in any position to explain it for us was Zib himself, and he’s proven to be one of the most unreliable of narrators. It’s as @dana-chan-the-control-brain already spared no effort to demonstrate, when he does tell us something about his past, his story is pocked with contradicting half-truths or outright lies. Ergo it helps to break down each recount of events to pick out the real facts.

Version 1: This is an alternate version of dib who defeated his complementing Zim (logically sensible) and went on to achieve all of the success and respect he sought after in his timeline (absolute bullshit). He kind of gestures and only implies about what has happened to his body while explaining that he came to his current understanding of Irken technology by studying it through Zim’s lab (a partial truth). He lets slip in passing that he has in fact fused with the PAK in order to learn how to alter and reprogram its coding, lessons he has applied to Number 2 in order to have a brainwashed pawn (also apparently true).

Version 2, when cornered and red handed: This is an alternate version of Dib who managed to specifically stop Zim's mission (Again, makes sense) but somehow could not convince the world of his findings or his warnings about the Irken Armada (*VERY eyebrow raising). Frustrated with the people’s lack of cooperation, he decides he has no choice but to physically merge with Zim’s PAK post-mortem (concerning and evidently mostly accurate), dominate the Earth himself, and enslave humans to help him in his efforts (highly troubling and probably true). The construction of his EMP super-weapon is successful, but ultimately led to the creation of the Zimvoid when the device was field tested (self evident, absolutely horrifying).

You know what I noticed was missing from both of these accounts? Exactly how his Zim was defeated. Which honestly could have been some beyond useful wisdom to pass along to the main Dib??? More than anything else? I’m not going to fault our boy for not pressing that matter better under the awing circumstance; however, there’s an implication I’ve been reading between lines. 

When Zib mentions “defeating” his own Zim, he’s talking about something different than ours.

When our Dib has always talked about “defeating” Zim, he’s meant incapacitation and capture. Throughout the show he explicitly wants to present Zim before an audience alive and whole. Yeah, he fantasizes about other people torturing or disassembling him for study, but HIS role was supposed to be reaping the fame for an undeniable, ground-breaking discovery. Conspiracies and cryptids are all this kid breathes and lives by! And as long as pop culture has always been fascinated with the paranormal, and he has to know this full well, people keep bringing forward hoax after hoax after scam. I mean there’s a freaking current one or few still going IRL about this exact topic. Dib would want no room left for being dismissed as another one of those con artists. 

Nonetheless, I actually doubt this is the reason Zib couldn’t get through to the scientific community. A genuine alien lifeform, even a dead one, could still be confirmed by any basic medical examination. The world thinks Dib is too crazy to listen to, but his father is still Professor Membrane. In "10 Minutes to Doom" OUR Dib got as close as having Membrane literally analyzing a PAK, or at worst, preparing to. “Ultimate Dib” gets his hands on the same thing and pulls a move I’d expect from an HP Lovecraft Protagonist instead.

We’re assuming way too much to what these two Dibs have in common, because this ^^^ is really what made the Zimvoid an outlier in the multiverse. That world didn’t only have a very different, more threatening Zim from the main timeline, it had the Dib who proved even more formidable, cunning, and ruthless, even before the fusion. 

He didn’t obtain that PAK ala the “10 minutes to Doom” accident, it’s a personal trophy. This is extra strange remembering that capturing an Irken is realistically more easy than killing one. They’re seriously more tenacious than kudzu and will even fight back in PAK form alone. I’m convinced that whatever sort of final showdown made the Ultimate Dib the victor, there are two optional endings on the table.

Option 1: There was not a body even left intact enough to bring in to research. Maybe Dib’s fault, maybe an accident, maybe even Zim’s own luck running out and his incompetent antics finally swallowed him (and possibly GIR). This theory assumes that the PAK was the only sort of remains to come into Dib’s recovery/possession.

Option 2: Curiosity Killed the cat,

but satisfaction brought it back.

Or, the one I personally headcanon. Dib… all Dibs, I assume, don’t just hate the Irken species. They are mesmerized by them, and all that they represent from his perspective. Firstly, the epic villain he gets to roleplay nemesis to in order to feel his own worth and importance. Secondly, an unknown wonder from beyond the boundaries of the cosmos. He’s not really a ghost buster or a Men In Black agent at heart, but a scientist, like his father. Underneath his contempt for Zim’s plans to destroy the world is a genuine and appropriately childish awe for alien presence, especially for Zim’s technology. His silent, dopey smile when Tak’s ship ended up in his backyard said more than words ever will.. 

Earlier in the show, a great deal of Dib’s time and effort was spent on trying to infiltrate the lower levels of Zim’s base. Sneaking into the house was hard enough, but the computer security can’t be bypassed like the gnomes. Not even by Zim himself unless he really is all himself. Perhaps you’re starting to sniff where I’m going with this one when I refer back to “Bolognius Maximus”. I’ve another reference that’s a little more on the nose, and a lot more… dark.

Were an expired Irken husk before you, you too might take your victory and cash in then. Still, who knows what sudden impulse may run through the head of a less humble version of yourself, one some could call greedier, obsessive to a fault, a screw or two loose, yet, a hell of a smart cookie. Smart enough to see it for what it actually was, the keys to a whole world of discovery that went so many layers deeper than they could ever imagine. It’s possible the Ultimate Dib already learned beforehand the same hard lessons about the PAKs that our own did, and took that understanding toward not repeating the same mistake this time. What happened to Zim? I think he was murdered in cold blood, body, and entity. “10 Minutes to Doom” showed us a fight between 2 brains clinging to one body, struggling until one overpowered another, but that’s not what this is. Through whatever means of science were available to him, this Dib has probably tried to “disarm” the technology by either erasing Zim’s consciousness out of it altogether, or by forcing the autonomous code into a kind of dormancy. His intentions were to render it back to its basic hardware without losing its precious knowledge and usefulness, something like the brain-filled tank that was wired into Skrang’s head. Zim’s PAK doesn’t cling onto his body like a parasitic teratoma this time; it’s merged in a literal sense with his nervous and circulatory system. As well, he has fooled the device’s ability to detect and reject a foreign host shell, the exact same way he deceived the the base’s security AI. If an Irken biology is what these measures authorize to command them and their secrets, then he had the tools on hand to give them just that- in an atrocity I like to call

the darker harvest.

Within this theory, there is not as much room to wonder exactly what became of Zim’s organic remains. 

But where Dib fucked up was, for the second time, in his ignorance to the true nature of what he was even playing with. That was a mistake that even the mighty Elder Brains of Judgementia lost themselves to; How much more vulnerable was the weak, human mind? Though Zim can be devoured, he can never be digested. In that fact was born this aberration against nature, sanity, and humanity alike.

"Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects… don't have politics. They're very… brutal. No compassion, no compromise. We can't trust the insect. I'd like to become the first… insect politician. Y'see, I'd like to, but… I'm afraid, uh… I'm saying… I'm saying I - I'm an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over… and the insect is awake." - Seth Brundle, The Fly, 1986

By fusing what is half-mad and what is utterly mad, neither being was cured, only assimilated into the birth of a new madness. The madness of the creature that snickers behind the curtain in the Zimvoid. I rightfully fear that lonesome thing, but not I think as much as I pity him.

• Dejavu, or Re:Plagarism

One more thing about the Zimvoid arc I find curious is the way it makes you question more and more just how much of the aberration is actually still Dib, and how much of it is Zim's infection haunting him. He does nothing with all of his intellect, his resources, and his time in the void doing anything but surrounding himself in everything he claims he despises. He decries alien tyranny in one breath while lording over a homemade, cruel dictatorship in another. He calls for eradication of the very race who's technology and physiology he has thoroughly appropriated. He laments feeling unable to protect the Earth from the Armada alone, yet sneers literally through Irken teeth to insult humans as inferior and of no value to him any longer. Our Dib spent the whole damn show longing for the support of other people, but Zib pushes away potential allies in his arrogance. His broken timeline never became a Dibvoid instead because while only half of his mind can't stand Irkens, both of the souls inside him remember that they loathe and look down upon a Dib, deep inside.

The corruption goes as far as even subverting his own creativity. None of Zib's plans are wholly original. His anti-Irken weapon was already a concept blueprinted inside of that PAK before the merge. Our Dib has several times shown a propensity for some DIY ingenuity, sometimes dipping a toe into the supernatural. Zib entirely calls upon, scavenges and regurgitates Irken designs with a few modifications or upgrades. The Dib Virus, I think is his most uninspired creation yet, for it's original form was always something inside of Zim, even if the latter himself was not aware of the fact. Like all else, it is a weapon he has plundered, customized, and turned around on everyone else for his own selfish ends. This brief point I will end on one  more reflection. The one kind of help Zim ever allowed at his side were the likes of GIR and his own creations. Unable to connect and cooperate with his peers and own kind, his ego preferred to be around those defective machines he related to- drones to be owned by him and always loyally at his beck and call. A slave to admire him unconditionally is the only companionship he's ever been willing to admit to desiring.

And what was Number 2's purpose again? What role exactly were the arena combatants auditioning for, when you think about it?

[insertyourselfhere]

Body Swap Part 3

AN: Sorry for taking so damn long, there's a bit of a gap here in the story as it doesn't follow their whole journey, just because its almost filler like if I want to later ill do some in-between bits as one shots but I know we want to actually see Gwen and Y/N Interacting so I'm trying to get us to that point which I did! Also the timing in this fic from ITSV and ATSV are off but meh.

Description: It was starting to get tedious now, it had been a few months at least of you swapping with Gwen, being able to talk to her in your mind and nothing else developing. You and Gwen had tried on a number of occasions to work out what your existential crisis was that was stopping you both from moving on with your lives. Gwen had told you her tragic story and you had told her yours, about your parents, your uncle, even your Aunt was involved trying to help both of you out. It was hard to admit at first but you had grown some sort of feelings towards the girl, its hard not too when she’s in your head almost all the time. Thankfully you hadn’t thought that out loud to her just yet but there had been a couple times that you were almost caught slipping. You’ve had to lie a few times saying its about a girl in your dimension but played it off and changed the subject. Everything was continuing like normal, or so you thought.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the day before you guys swapped bodies on your usual rotation, you laid in bed ready for the next day to come when you swapped over with Gwen. You reflected a little about what you and Gwen had been talking about, what has happened over the last few months and there were no changes. You rolled onto your back staring at your ceiling.

‘Can’t sleep?’ You heard in the back of your mind, seems like you weren’t the only one.

‘Not really I’m just confused’

‘Same’ She said softly.

‘Okay well how about this, lets kill the time, I know all about the tragic backstory that is Gwen Stacy and I know I’ve lived as you as well but in your own words tell me about you. What makes you tick, what are your favorite things to do’

(A/N: This might get a little OC here cause Ive never read any of the Gwen Stacy comics so I don’t know much about actual Gwen so this will be just from what I think she would like)

‘Okay sure lets do that! At a super young age I did gymnastics, dad taught me and got me involved when I was 4, I also was heavily involved in ballet too. I always wanted to be a ballerina when I was growing up but who didn’t at such a young age’

‘I still want to be a ballerina those moves you can pull off are out of this world’ You said and you heard her chuckle.

‘I guess it goes with my fighting style though I would love to teach you one day’ She said, you smiled at those words hoping they would come true.

‘Please do, if that means I get to actually see you and not me you, you get me?’ She laughed again and you wouldn’t get sick of hearing that ever.

‘So because I started growing up, managed to get some teen angst going I wanted to do something different, my whole attitude on life changed, I got these powers, I didn’t know how to deal with all this added pressure so I joined a band’

‘Ah yes the Mary Janes! I was wondering how that came about, you just needed a distraction’ You asked knowing full well what that meant, that’s why you joined the football team, You needed a distraction yourself.

‘Yeah actually, I was struggling with who I was, being Spider-Woman and Gwen Stacy’

‘It is a lot of pressure but I can tell you with all my heart that you are killing it’

‘Thanks Y/N I needed to hear that’ The line went quiet and you could feel yourself slowing starting to fall asleep.

‘Hey I got a spider emergency! I gotta go but get some rest okay’

‘Be safe Gwen, Don’t rough them up too much’ She chuckled and it went dead silent.

You managed to stay awake for a couple minutes before Your eye lids grew heavy and you succumb to sleep.

The next morning you woke up only to notice you were still in your bed. You woke up startled throwing your legs off your bed and walking towards your bedroom door opening it and looking at your Aunt.

“Morning Gwen” She said so used to this charade you 2 had, you gulped knowing it was the next day, you saw the date on your phone and looked back at your Aunt.

“Not Gwen” You said and her head shot up. It has been more than 6 months at this point that you had started swapping with Gwen, nothing seemed to stop it, nothing seemed to hint towards it ever slowing down and then one day it just stopped.

“Not Gwen?” She asked walking towards you with her hand out, you grabbed it nodding saying it was you and you didn’t know how to feel.

“Amazing it’s finally stopped! Now you can go back to living your normal spidey life” She said with a little hooray and then a sip of her drink, Your Aunt turned around towards the kitchen table where you could see a 2nd coffee cup laid out.

She picked it up ready to pour out the drink and you could see her hand shaking, you quickly ran over to her to help with the cup and she let out a small sob.

“I am so happy for you that you don’t have to go through this anymore but she was around so often it’s like she was apart of our little family you know” You slowly shook your head and hugged your aunt.

“I’m not happy” You said quietly in your Aunts shoulder, you both pulled away and you had small tears in your eyes. “Neither am I” She finally admitted to you. You slumped in the chair in the kitchen and looked at your Aunt. You were devastated. “Have your little telepathic abilities stopped working too?” You shrugged your shoulders but focused on trying to reach out to her.

‘Gwen can you hear me?’ You asked, your face concentrating to push your sub consciousness out there hoping to get a response. After a few minutes of silence nothing came back. You stood up with a frustrating sigh and leaned over the kitchen counter.

“Nothing?” Your aunt asked rubbing your back, you shook your head. You didn’t know what else to do, you couldn’t even think straight, your alarm started going off symbolising you had to go to school but you just didn’t have the heart to get up. It’s almost like you had genuinely lost a part of yourself, it had felt very unfinished.

“We are taking the rest of the day off today, you and me I think we need this…”

“What if something happened?” You ask out loud cutting off your aunt. “What if something’s happened and she needs me?” You said looking at your aunt.

“There’s nothing you can….”

“Don’t finish that sentence, there’s something I can do I am a Spider, I have all these powers I have to be able to do something” Your aunt could see the hurt in your eyes, the panic, every emotion flashing through you all at once worried that the absolute worst thing happened.

“Y/N look, I don’t understand your situation at all, I honestly couldn’t think of anyone in the entire world could really to relate to your feelings but all I can tell you is that Gwen is one of the toughest girls I have ever met. She is fine, maybe you figured out whatever the universe was telling you or your no longer needed to heal her very broken heart.” You Aunt said smiling softly.

“But mines broken now…” You said quietly. Your aunt gave you a look and you shuffled your feet. “Okay she’s fine, we did what we needed to do, whatever that was and she’s safe in her dimension.” Your aunt nodded and you smiled a little.

“I’m gunna get ready and go to school. Just to distract myself a bit today” You said, your aunt nodded. “I will be mourning the loss of a daughter so I’ll be here quietly sobbing over the cup I bought her” You giggled a little knowing your aunt was joking but only a tiny bit, you could see she was just as hurt as well so you hugged her again.

“She’s fine, she doesn’t need us anymore we fixed her broken heart” You both smiled and walked away doing your own things. You headed to school getting ready for your first class pulling out the books you needed. You saw the drawings, pictures, difference in handwriting even in all your books and smiled. As you went through wondering from class to class you failed to notice an unwanted guest appear out of nowhere.

As you were heading towards gym you heard commotion coming from some other students. “quick everybody evacuate theres a guy in a rhino suit running rampant around the school!” As students began to pile out of the gym and into the hallways running towards safety you ran around a corner and did the opposite trying to find your stashed suit. You ran into the bathroom, lift up one of the tiles on the roof and promptly changed into your suit.

“A man in a Rhino suit? We don’t have that here we have a lady who’s half rhino half human.” You managed to find all the commotion and saw a couple of kids in the way.

“Quick get out of here!”

“Spidey thank you!” They all ran out, you could feel the building shaking and hear walls crumbling.

“Hello tiny spider” He said as he walked around the corner, and sure enough it was a big buff dude in a rhino suit.

“Look I don’t know what your doing here, but I need to get to gym and your in my way” You got into your signature pose.

“Get out of the way tiny spider, I need to go home!” You looked confused for a split second but immediately knew what the issue was. ‘He’s not from this dimension, Im gunna have to lock him up tight and stop him from hurting anyone’ You thought quietly to yourself. A tiny part of you was hoping you would hear Gwen voice in your head again but it was no where to be found. Rhino charged towards you, without missing a beat you punched him clean in the jaw and he was knocked out cold.

“Wow that was….NO don’t say that, it never works out well when you put things like that into the universe.” You webbed up Rhino and dragged him outside, as you got outside a hexagon shaped portal opened up in front of you, you let go of Rhino and folded your arms only to be met with a lady who had a motorbike and an afro.

“Oh hello! You must be the Spider of this dimension” You unfolded your arms feeling the tingle as soon as you saw her.

“I am! The names Y/N” She walked up and shook your hand. “Nice to meet you Im Jessica Drew, I see you caught the guy I’m here for, relatively easy it seems to” You gave a modest look but shrugged your shoulders.

“It was nothing” You said with a small smile under your mask.

“Look, Miguel is totally going to hate me but I think you should come with me” She said gesturing to the portal behind her, you looked in and saw nothing but a tube looking thing.

“In there? That looks like death?” You said pointing at the portal. “I promise it’s not, I’ll explain once we get there but I think you should come with me” She said, you shook your head knowing you shouldn’t follow strangers into very suspicious portals but all that was going through your head was Gwen.

“This might be my only chance to find her” You said out loud. “Find who?” She asked and you coughed and walked into the portal not realising you were talking out loud. As soon as you stepped in you were teleported to a new world.

Once you landed Jessica following behind you, your face dropped, you took your mask off staring at the Nueva York. It was so futuristic and chrome, very shiny, everything was shiny it was burning your retina’s.

“Come on I want you to come meet Miguel” You follow Jessica until you came to a high tech room in a dark looking alley. He even looked like a bad guy, his aura oozed “I am a villain” but even you were slightly jealous of his gym regime whatever it was cause dude looked good.

“Jessica what did you do?” You blocked out their argument taking in the sights and sounds around you. They started bickering and you felt a little awkward to be standing there, it was like you were a child getting scolded from your parents for ditching school.

“Look they’re here and I know Y/N will do a fantastic job, plus with the large amount of animalities running around thanks to 1610 we need all the help we can get”

“We have over 1500 different peters you think this other variant will help out”

“They’re a lot stronger than most of the others Peter’s surprisingly took down Rhino with a swift punch”

Your feet shuffled and you looked down taking in the compliments Jessica was throwing your way. Miguel looked at you and threw up his hands.

“Whatever, kid heres your watch go hang around I’ll call you if I need anything” Jessica smiled and you looked at the watch in your hand, you put it on and started walking out hearing Jessica and Miguel start up again.

You made your way out and went to sit at the top of the tower which seemed to be everyone’s favourite spot it seems. You met a couple of the other Spider, a few peter parkers…a lot of peter parkers actually, your favourite though had to be the T-rex running around.

Your world was 1405 as deemed by the I guess lords of the multi-verse, you weren’t too sure how it worked but you kinda just rolled with it, you wanted to make sure Gwen was okay but deep down you knew she was, for now you would go about your business and hopefully save some other worlds, who can put that on their resume.

“Alright Y/N ready for your first mission” You looked at your watch and saw Jessica on the other end of it.

“As ready as I’ll ever be” you said holding the watch up.

“Alright this one’s easy so I’ll be going with you but mostly to observe” She said with a small smile, you nodded your head and typed in the co-ordinates she sent you.

15 minutes later

You and Jessica were standing next to each other back in the Spider Society, you had your web wrapped around the prisoner and she stood next to you with the biggest surprise look on her face.

“Okay that was very quick, you are very efficient” She said and you just stood there nodding holding onto your villain. He started to groan and you knocked him out again with a swift punch.

“Alright well um go hang around, catch more sights and I’ll get back to you with another mission” You could tell she was still stunned, she didn’t really know what to do but walked away with your prisoner attached. You made your way back up to the top of the building again however instead of sitting you made the rounds, getting to know other people and know who all the different Spiders you could. After a couple hours of wondering around, getting lost and meeting MORE people you finally got another call but it wasn’t from Jessica. It was from Miguel’s Ai friend LYLA.

“Hey could you go help Miguel over on world 65 please” You were shocked at first to hear that you were going to help Miguel but You didn’t even hesitate you immediately input that number and jumped straight into the portal. As you exited the portal you went straight towards the parchment vulture in front of you and punched him square in the jaw.

“Nice!” You said, Miguel got up from his rubble and walked over to you, “Good punch rook alright lets take this guy down” You got your fist’s ready to fight with Miguel not taking in your surroundings fully (You should really work on this btw) when a quiet familiar voice hit your ears.

“Y/N” Your head whipped around so quickly but before you could say anything vulture had punched you right back sending you into a pillar.

“That wasn’t nice, okay rook new plan” Miguel said as he shot you with one of his webs and flung you towards vulture, you managed to clock him again but this time he was ready, he grabbed your arm and readied one of his wings, but before he sliced you with it you saw a web holding it back and Gwen had kicked him in the back of his head causing him to go crashing in the ground.

“Your moves are so much better when you do it” You said towards Gwen, she gave you a quick fist bump and you both propelled down.

“Do you 2 know each other” Miguel said pointing at both of you “It’s a long story we’ll explain later but right now he needs to go back” You said pointing at vulture.

“So whats this guys deal anyway” Gwen said asking you, you managed to talk while fighting and dodging all the vultures attacks.

“Well he’s made of parchment so you can assume he doesn’t belong here.” Gwen rolled her eyes “I gathered that much this isn’t my first run in with the multi-verse” She said kicking a few rocks towards the vulture who dodged all but 1.

“This isn’t your first run in?” You asked, she gave you a look and you nodded your head. “Oh right yes us” She webbed towards the vulture holding his wings down and punched him again, he broke free clambering up the pillar up into the night sky, Miguel went after him attacking him leaving you and Gwen alone.

“So crazy that we didn’t swap bodies right?” You said looking at her. “I actually have an excuse for that” She said and you looked at her intently.

“The night before we usually swap I was out fighting one of my villains when a portal opened up and sucked me in, I was blown into another dimension that had this really cool Spider-Man named Miles” You looked shocked, so because she wasn’t in her universe you couldn’t swap. Makes sense.

“I’ll tell you the rest of the story later” she said as she webbed away, you looked up to see a helicopter flying down towards you, both Miguel and Gwen had managed to get their webs under it to slow it down you jumped on a rock that was sticking up and stood waiting for the impact of the helicopter when its nose reached the palm of your hands you used your strength to push against it and put a stop to it. Everyone started cheering, Miguel grabbed vulture and you were both getting ready to leave, you wanted Gwen to come with so you asked Miguel to wait. When you looked up though you couldn’t see her anymore but you could hear shouting.

 “She needs to come with us she’d be an asset to the team” You said to Miguel, he looked at you and grunted before jumping up there, you followed after him witnessing Miguel throwing one of his barriers on the ground and tying up George Stacy. You walked over to Gwen who looked frightened and grabbed her shoulders gently.

Miguel opened a portal and threw vulture in it, he turned around to you and Gwen and asked. “So what’s it going to be kid?” He said, she nodded, Miguel gave her a watch and jumped in the portal. You followed after him but looked back at Gwen and George, your heart breaking for both of them.

As soon as both you and Gwen got back to universe 928 she let out a big sigh of relief and her legs collapsed under her. She was on the verge of tears but you could see that she was fighting the urge to let them fall.

“Hey” You said.

“Hey yourself” She said wiping away her tears, you couldn’t believe that you had managed to find her. You were so relieved but you could see all the mending you guys had down over the last few months was slowly starting to break all because her dad found out who she was.

She pulled off her mask and you saw half her head was shaved.

“Whoa! That’s new!” You said looking at her new haircut, she looked at it and rolled her eyes.

“It’s a long story but I had to shave it”

“I like it, it suits you” You said looking at her hair, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked away, she coughed and turn back to you.

“Thank you, I think we owe each other an explanation” She said trying to change the subject, but you being dense didn’t notice.

“Y/N Show the newbie around Ill put our prisoner away, you owe me an explanation for how you 2 know each other by the way.” He started walking away and you looked back at Gwen.

“Come follow me Ill introduce you to everyone!” You grabbed Gwen’s hand and pulled her towards everyone.

“Hey Y/N!” You walked pass a group of Peters and waved towards them. “Hey Peter this is Gwen!” They all waved and went back into their groups.

“Wow there sure a lot of Peter’s”

“Yeah Peter seems to be the most common canon, there are a very rare amount of us that aren’t Peters but I guess there’s almost an infinite amount of universes so there’s infinite possibilities” you replied looking back at Gwen who was taking everything in

“This place is so big” she said in awe watching all the other spiders running around

“This is the lobby” You replied whispering in her ear.

“Your kidding” She said turning back to you with her eyes wide.

“Not even in the slightest, here Ill show you where I like to hang out!”

You took her to the tallest building and hung out at the top looking down at Nueva York. You didn’t know how you felt about the whole situation but was surprised about how the whole situation went down, you had a crazy 48 hours that’s for sure. Shoot you didn’t check in with your Aunt. You both sat down over the edge of the tower, she looked down at her watch and then looked back at you.

“I guess I owe you an explanation it seems” You looked back at her and then back to the view.

“Nah, you’re safe that’s all I care about” You said looking away, she smiled and hit your shoulder gently.

“I’m so happy I can finally do that as me and not looking at you in the mirror” She said looking out towards the skyline again, she tucked her leg up towards her face and leant on it.

“It’s weird, I’ve seen you so much the past few months but not like this, its nice” You replied smiling.

“I know you said I don’t owe you an explanation but I have to tell you what happened it was crazy!” You folded your legs and shuffled so you were looking at Gwen as she told you all about her trip to 1610. She told you about Miles, about how what happened to her hair, you couldn’t help but laugh at that part knowing full well how hard it was to control your powers when you first got them.

She told you about Peter B Parker, Penni, Spider-Ham and Spider-Noir, You could see how happy she was about her little band of misfits. Maybe you and your Aunt had managed to heal her enough that she let herself open to gain other friends.

She told you about the collider, how Miles came through and gained the ability to somewhat control his powers, she showed you a photo of him on her phone and she was smiling.

“Gwen that sounds like a long week you had” She giggled and then an idea formed.

“Hey can we take a photo” You looked shocked but you nodded. You got ready but she leaned into your side and smiled, you followed suit as she took the picture.

“Thank you” She said looking down at her phone “So what happened to you” You laughed and looked ack at her “Oh nothing, an anomaly came through while I was at school, I knocked him out, Jessica saw my potential and I got recruited. That’s about it” She laughed hearing how easy your time was compared to hers.

“Y/N, Gwen theres a couple of people I need you to come meet” Miguel said over the watch, you both got up and headed towards his Spider-Cave, his fortress off Spidertude, his lair? And were met with what seems like a familiar face to gwen but someone knew.

“Y/N This is Hobie Brown! You’ll be working with him in the upcoming missions. This Spider over here is Peter B Parker” You saw Gwen hugging the other Peter who was surprised to see him so soon.

“Gwen when did you get here!”

“Today actually Y/N came and helped me”

“Is this the famous Y/N I’ve heard so much about hey! The one you’ve been swapping bodies with” You looked shocked that Gwen told someone that and she was blushing furiously.

“Shut it Parker” He laughed and swung towards you.

“Nice to meet you buddy I’m Peter”

“Y/N” You said shaking his hand, You shook a little too hard and he winced.

“Strong grip I like it, you were right they are very…” Before Peter could finish what he was saying Gwen webbed his mouth and he glared at her.

“Anyway cute reunion, Gwen you’ll stay here and train with Jessica, Y/N you’ll head out with Hobie, theres a Kraven In the wrong universe I need you guys to go get” You nodded and started walking with Hobie, you looked back and saw Gwen, she gave you a small wave and you waved back. With an extra hop in your step you turned towards Hobie.

“Dude love your hair”

“Thanks its natural”

“How does that fit under your…”

“Hammer Space” He said and you shook it off, you both input the co-ordinates and were off to another dimension.

[iwritewhump]

"What did they do to you?" + hospital reunion

day 9 of whumptember

865 words

warnings: hospital setting

~

Villain runs into the hospital and blows past the security guard. He skids to a stop in front of the nurses’ station and takes a deep breath. “Is Hero here? I got a call that she was here. Where is she?” 

One of the nurses gets pushed to the front and she smiles anxiously.

“...You got a call?” She asks, typing something into the computer. 

Villain nods and runs a hand through his hair. “Yes. About ten minutes ago? I was told Hero was here and my number was in her wallet. Her doctor asked me to come.” 

“Are you her father?” she asks, frowning. 

Villain almost rolls his eyes. “No, I’ve only known her a few months and I don’t even know who her parents are. Do I get to see her or not?” 

After taking a moment to think, the nurse turns the monitor so he can see it, “Room 327. You’ll have to be accompanied up, her room is locked for her safety.” 

She waves over the security guard and turns the monitor back towards her. 

Villain stands next to the security guard and nods to the nurse, “Thank you so much.” 

The entire way to the elevator is silent. Neither of them speaks and Villain ignores the sideways glances the guard sends his way. It’s not until they’re in front of room 327 that the guard says anything. 

“How do you know ‘er?” He shows his badge to the officer outside Hero’s door and walks in with him. 

Villain clears his throat and walks into the room after him, “I’ve been working with her for a few months, I thought she’d finally had enough of me…oh god.” 

He cuts himself off when he sees her. She’s laying on the hospital bed, nearly disappearing in the huge blanket on top of her. There are cords everywhere, a blood pressure cuff on her arm, a pulse oximetry device on her finger, an IV feeding into her arm. 

Underneath all the tubing is Hero. Smaller than ever in a hospital gown. Bruises and cuts litter her face. 

She startles awake and looks around wildly. Thrashing in the bed, she rips the blood pressure cuff off. 

Villain hurries to the side of the bed and puts a hand on her shoulder, “Hey,” he looks at her and takes a deep breath. “You’re alright. You’re at the hospital.” 

Hero sits up and pulls the blanket around her shoulders. With her knees drawn up to her chest, she bites her cheek. “Why are you here?” 

“They didn’t know who to call, my number was in your wallet.” 

Hero shakes her head and looks at Villain. Underneath his disheveled appearance, he’s wearing a fancy suit and dress shoes. His hair probably was styled, but has since returned to its usual shaggy appearance. 

“I’m sorry,” She says, voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t-” 

She stops and looks back at him. He’s still sitting on the edge of her bed, one hand nearly touching her. 

“You weren’t on a date were you?” she asks, almost in a teasing tone. 

Villain sighs heavily and pulls his hand back into his lap. “What did Superhero do to you?” 

Hero shakes her head, “Nothing.” 

“Hero.” 

She sniffles and shakes her head again. She picks at her nails and bites her cheek. 

“I’ll…uh…” the security guard says, “I’ll give you two a minute.” 

He walks out of the room and lets it close behind him. 

Villain stares at Hero. His eyes trace over the cuts on her face and he exhales sharply. 

“Why are you protecting them?” he asks. “I mean…you were trying to take them down and I still don’t know why you went back. What happened?” 

Hero falls back onto the bed and stares at the ceiling. Hero arms cross over her chest and she scoots away from Villain. 

“What happened?” He probes again. 

She closes her eyes and takes a shuddering breath, “I went back to protect you.” 

“What?” 

She wraps the blood pressure cuff cord around her pinky and opens her eyes. Tears spill out of her eyes and fall onto the pillowcase. 

“Superhero found out about you and they were going to kill you. Unless I…” she pauses and takes a breath to gather herself. “Unless I started going on missions with them. As it turns out, they didn’t want me to succeed on the missions, they just wanted someone to stand out in the open while they do the actual work.” 

She smiles with tight lips and sniffles. 

“They made you the decoy?” Villain stands up and runs his hands over his face. “You’re here because of me?” 

Hero shakes her head, “No. I’m here because Superhero is a horrible person. Now please sit back down and wait for the doctor with me? I think they put me on drugs and I won’t remember anything they tell me.”  

And so Villain ends up laying down next to Hero, her head on his chest. He pushes the guilt down and lets himself be present, lets himself listen to her as she rattles off all the drama he’s missed out on in the past week she’d been protecting him.

[lixxiebias]

Chan X Reader.

The guys are doing a concert and afterwards they go to the meet and greet, Chan is excited to greet the fans along with the others. They are half way through and his eyes go straight to y/n in the crowd and he freezes. Felix:"Chan what's wrong? " y/n walks closer and closer, Chan:"oh uh, nothing I Just.. Got a bit distracted" he says as his heart begins to get faster,his palms begin to sweat, and most importantly he can't keep his eyes off of y/n. He begins to try to come to as y/n approaches them, Felix begins greeting :hi! It's nice to meet you! " he says as he hugs y/n. Chan's heart races more, he thinks to himself "*how are they making me act like this? I got to snap out of it before they notice! *", everyone greets y/n with a beautiful smile and a big hug and y/n is crying explaining how much they love them,. Y/n finally approaches Chan and his heart starts to flutter Chan:"*oh no this is it, they are walking towards me! What do I do?! What do I say?! *" his mind is racing with emotions,. Y/n : omg hi I love you so much!" They cry out, Chan:"Hi! I.. Love you too!" He says very nervously, Chan:"*omg that sounded so weird! But it.. Feels good*" he begins to think. Y/n grabs Chan and hugs him tight as he trys to contain himself, Chan"*ive got to know this person.. *" he thinks. The meet and greet is over and the guys start preparing to leave and Chan is standing still thinking about y/n.Minho:Chan, come on let's go", Chan:"you guys uh.. Go ahead, I'm gonna check on something real quick" he says as he walks back towards the crowd of people. Chan begins to look for y/n because he knows that he will definitely notice their beauty,. Chan surprisingly finds them.Chan"*what do I say?! I should have thought this through", he nervously thinks, and he start to head back right when y/n notices him close by, Y/n:"Chan?!", he begins to tense up again, Chan"*this hasn't happened with any other fan, why them??*" he thinks as he trys to smile normally, Chan:"Hi! Your still here!" He says with a shaky voice, Y/n: yeah! I wanted to look at merch! " Y/n giggles, Chan: aww" he says nervously laughing, Chan:so.. I don't usually um.. Ask this but, what is your name?", Chan:"*omg why did I just ask that to a random fan?! *" he thinks,. y/n:"my name?! It's Y/n,! I can't believe you actually wanted to know my name! Why me?!" They laugh as they begin to tear up., Chan:"well uh.. Your just.. Unique and.. Really cute"he says as he internally screams,. Y/n begins to blush and crys out y/n:"me?! Omg thank.. Thank you! " y/n says as they are hyperventilating, Chan:"wow, no! Dont cry! I w as just um.. Wondering if uh.. You would.., " he trys to think of something,. Chan:like to hang out with us at the cafe across the street! " Chan says as he begins to blush as well,. Y/n: "omg yes I would love too!!" Y/n belches out excitedly,. Chan:"great!! How about.. Tomorrow? I will text you the time.. If.. You um. Want to give me your.. Number? " y/n is trying hard not to cry as they are shocked that their biggest idol asked for their number,. Chan*"what.. Did I just do?! "* he thinks and they get a pen and paper out of their bag and begins to write, as Chan is looking at them in disbelief as to how beautiful they are,. Y/n:" here you go!! " y/n says as they are trying not to squeal, Chan:alright well.. I guess I will.. See you then, Y/n! " he says as he begins to hug y/n goodbye,. Y/n:ok!! " they squealed out,.

Like this post if you guys want to see what happens next! I want to start doing this, so if I get enough likes I will begin writing more 🤭❤

[my-castles-crumbling]

okay so hi..

um ive seen people do this so ig im going to as well.

basically i and my gf (she/her) have been in a relationship for nearly 6 months (6 in two weeks). we're both 19.

we met through my bsf and her bsf dating and now we are (i had the biggest crush on her but genuinely didnt think she'd give me a chance).

ive had pretty bad luck in relationships before and they never lasted more than 3 or 4 months mainly due to the fact that im asexual and btoh previous oartners just assumed they could change me (???) but she genuinely understood and went out of her way to make me comfortable and make it known that nothing will be demanded of me more than that which i can give.

from the beginning of the relationship, ive made some rules very clear which are like my no nonsense ones, like i wont tolerate them usually at all.

one of them being not making me purposefully uncomfortable and the main big one is not yelling/shouting, especially at me. (i have past trauma from my parents and it has in the oast made me shut down completely for days at a time, only getting up to feed my cat)

on one of our beginning dates i mentioned this really nice and sorta expensive restaurant that ive always wanted to try but reservations are really hard to get.

she joked saying that oh id love to go with hou ehicb i laughed at but was mildly excited about.

so i got the reservation for yesterday, i made the reservation for two.

last month i told my girlfriend that i have finally got the reservation and would like to go with her, told her the dates and time and everything and she seemed genuinely excited to go with me.

now last week i confirmed her availability again, and asked her what colored dress she was wearing so i could match it with my clothes and we decided on a color etc and also to get ready at my place because her bsf has their family over so shes will be staying with me for 2 weeks.

now, yesterday, after i was done with my work i went to the living room just to well see her and hug her cz i missed her a bit since i hadnt really seen her in about 5 hours (i was working). when i knocked at her door, she opened it and was ready with a dress (not the color we agreed on), her purse laying in the background as she greeted me with a big smile and kiss (on the cheek).

i asked her isnt she ready a bit early and she just looked at me confusedly and said no i hve to meet R (her friend) at 4:30 so im just on time.

i asked why and where she's going just to know if she'd be back and she said that theyre going to the mall and then to the movies because R is leaving in 3 days to go on vacation so they want to spend some time togetehr.

i smiled and wished her luck, i thiught that maybe i got the day wrong but i hadnt and i was actually really sad because all my life, everyone in my family would repeatedly just forget about my plans and my shit for others' and she knew abt that.

but anyways, so i decided to still go and i took this really lovely lady, who's homeless but i buy her a meal everyday and take her out to lunch once a week. (shes like in her 30s btw)

we had a lovely time and the food was divine, i even helped the lady get ready in a changing room.

but anyways on my way home i realised i had 3 missed calls from my girlfriend and a text that just said.

we need to talk as soon as you get home.

the moment j entered my apartment, she just started to yell at me about how much of a piece of shit i am, how people forget and its not a big deal, how im an arse, how not everything is supposed to be about me, and could i possibly imagine how she felt coming back to an empty apartment, she thought something had happened to me.

that is not the order she sais everything in but someway through my breathing started to get extraordinarily fast and i coukd feel my vision getting blurry.

i said sorry to her, or i think(?) i cant really remember stuff when i get panic attacks like this. i took my cat and went to my room.

it took quite a while for my cat to calm me down bur she was able to in the end.

this morning, i made breakfast for her and since i have today off from uni i decided to go to my job (i work part-time remote but can come and go to the iffice if i wish)

its my break rn and im thinking about it, maybe it wasnt a big deal? maybe i should have reminded her again but like idk it was a pretty big thing for me.

i feel bad, i feel like i made a mountain out if a molehill and shouldve just apologised properly and explained to her that its okay and that it wasnt that big of a deal.

i dont knwo?

i wanted some advice because i truly feel very strongly for her and shes the only relationship ive had in which i feel valued and had zero self doubt (up until yesterday)

im sorry it was so long, and thank you for your help.

Hi!!

Okay so...this is hard because, I don't know if either of you are to blame, here. Your girlfriend wasn't great for forgetting, but then I was wondering why you didn't say anything? But then she was shit for yelling later....

I'm wondering if this is the first time this has happened? It sounds like a lack of communication, you know? I think you guys really need to sit down and discuss how you were both feeling. But if this becomes a pattern, especially your girlfriend yelling, I would think more about the relationship.

Keep me updated! I'm naming you orange anon.

[tohellandback99]

People on the internet with DID can address themselves as however the fuck they want, and say what they need to say, HOWEVER THEY NEED TO, when they NEED, on the fucking internet.

(Since I’ve been misconstrued once with this post; to be completely transparent, this was in the DID subreddit where people are usually very supportive since it’s run by people with DID, for people with DID. Not Fake Disorder Cringe, or any other subreddit that is designed to target and make fun of people. And if you think this isn’t worthy of saying something. I didn’t say this to change THEIR minds, I made this so that other people with DID who see shit like that can see that I see it. Can see that not everyone thinks that. No matter how many people don’t find this it is still worth it and so maybe somebody who might’ve felt discouraged about speaking because of a post like that would be more comfortable in our community if I said, “hey, I don’t think this is okay.” No, if I can defend anyone in the DID community no matter how many people, all who have not done anything to warrant the bullshit, I’m not going to shut my mouth and wait for someone to get seriously hurt by ANY of these miserable ass fucks to then only once have something to say for clout when shit really hits the fan and someone dies.)

Some asshole on Reddit (are we surprised) said that they have an issue with people who make videos on their OWN experience with DID because apparently. According to their “genius” idea of what people who have DID’s needs are, THINKS that just because it’s a fundamentally invisible disorder that (for me personally really just,) relies on the fact that no one will see multiple people in one person as a child and beyond, and because it’s initially that way to protect the brain and body, somehow means that we (you and me and anyone ever who has and has talked about DID,) should all just not speak apparently. And they specified people making videos as if that makes their idea any better. Trauma disorders are not taken seriously enough that we have people IN or COMING IN to the community to say shit that basically means, “shut up about your DID,” and they will die on the hill. Hoping, dying to know! that it was “something wrong with the person,” and not the perpetrator(s) who caused it.

and people with DID on there fucking AGREED with this! Ive seen people discussing their Autism who got this SAME thing happen, and there was pushback for GOOD reason because why on earth do you think you have any credibility to control the narrative of people who live with autism? Likewise DID? You don’t care about what people with DID ACTUALLY need you just want to control people and everyone somehow fell for it somehow. Wow. Just because you took a psych class doesn’t mean you are suddenly an expert on what people with DID need and “should be doing.” This idea that people are supposed to just “be quiet” about anything that makes people uncomfortable, perpetuates controversy and doesn’t actually fix misinformation that’s really out there. It is just a censorship towards those who DO have DID, not doctors who perform malpractice or spread lies about people with DID, and it doesn’t help anyone who IS malingering. If no one with properly looked at and/or diagnosed DID can speak then how the fuck can we have access to resources that can help us? Trauma and dissociative disorders have been linked to people who use it to spread disgusting propaganda and so has been ignored and dismissed, for decades now. This person and lots of people, don’t say anything about THESE people, who have actually spread misinformation. This person specifically didn’t say anything about the people who clearly and/or evidently malinger online, literally nothing but about people who actually have and have to live with DID which is insane and regressive. They pointed out that it’s weird to them for you to share about your DID experience because it’s meant to protect you. Then how is anyone supposed to get help for it then if they can’t talk about it? I had a therapist say this shit to me as if that’s not what I was there for, and THIS person, who was in the DID subreddit was saying the exact same thing. Simply sharing about a DISABILITY has nothing to do with giving up protection. Yes it’s a vulnerable thing to do, but why does that mean that it’s somehow wrong or bad? Is a person with DID just not allowed to be on the internet then? cause that’s what you’re saying. DID is unpredictable and you cannot turn it off. As long as the person IS a system that IS actively protecting itselves and takes the precautions that great people who fucking talk about their experiences with DID online use, having DID and talking about it has little to no bearing in how the internal system operates any more than anyone else who’s sharing anything personal on the fucking internet. I think strongly, that this is just an excuse to not give a shit about people who have DID and it is a disingenuous statement.

About the addressing alters thing… ehh. Someone was mad that people called their own alters, “alters.” The technical term, which has no bearing on what they themselves choose to call people in their system. And they wanted people to say from now onnn…. People? I think. Which I use interchangeably with the term “alter” depending on how I need to speak about these things. I welcome and love different perspectives of the self and I don’t have a problem with what they want for themselves. The problem that I have with this is that Nobody with DID signed up to use whatever terms on themselves that other people want for themselves when they walk into a room at any given moment. I’m not a therapist

(They still haven’t restored my two posts on there that were removed for some reason by the mods, not because I broke any guidelines or mentioned anyone specifically or anything that would imply that I was but apparently that doesn’t matter over there… *sigh* I did not want to have to talk about it on here, I do not want my posts to just be full of rants and things about DID. It’s just this is SO important

Update; they just completely ignored and refused to put my posts back up and did not respond for another week now after I gave my clear and simple response to their questions of why I posted it. What do they want me to beg like I’m some lost little puppy dog? I didn’t even do anything and they even told me that. lol I’m not going to fucking chase them 😂)

[glowxie]

does yalls therapist give u advice that would NOT fucking fly on here too or is mine just in her 50s

[rant below]

like ok. since the truth abt wilbur dropped it has been a steady topic in therapy (sidenote- i literally do not know why but this is a common thing for me. i often get obsessed w media, run w that for maybe a year, fall out of the fandom but still latch onto a couple characters/creators/whathaveyou. for dsmp it was the sorry boys with HEAVY emphasis on ran and wil)

i also have ocd and have a really hard time with "morality" as i call it. genuinely dont know what else to call it. anyway that translates a lot into completely dropping people/musicians/creators etc when i find out theyve actively hurt people.

it's also me doing genuine hours of research into new people and never being able to just casually like something. if a song plays and ive heard more than 2 songs by the artist and i like both i WILL end up doing a deep dive on the artist to see what they have or havent done.

ive been working on that slowly but surely. but anyway. lovejoy. shit got me through when my mom almost died and it felt like a whole new type of grief than what i was already feeling because i KNEW my ocd wouldnt let me listen to them anymore. it was a very back and forth process that i still struggle a lot with.

in therapy it usually goes like

me: like logically i know solely streaming the music on spotify will not bring them very much revenue spotify hates paying their artists and ive never bought merch ive never promoted them ive never made fanart of wil- but my brain thinks immediately if i listen to one song im a horrible person supporting a man that committed domestive violence and is denying it. he has so much support and die hard fans that are going after the victims. i feel like by listening to lovejoy im as bad as them, both him and the fans

her: so. it sounds like youre punishing yourself over something completely out of your control. you did everything you could, went above and beyond to make sure he was a person worthy of your support, yet even his friends didnt know about the abuse at the time. youre keeping yourself from something that you enjoy, something that brought you comfort. you did not know, they didnt know, it wasnt your fault he committed this crime. why should you be punished?

and like. i get it. i really do. i guess part of it is im afraid of what people will think. i do not support wilbur. i fucking hate him for what hes done and i hope he rots in hell. but some of his music brought me comfort in extremely distressing times. listening to music doesnt make me a bad person. knowing does. knowing everything thats happened and continuing to contribute to his fame- thats what kills me about it.

i also know that ran would be so disappointed in me for continuing to listen. so i havent been.

i dont really know what the point of this post is. i guess ive just not seen a perspective like this other than mine. i guess i just hope if other people are afraid like i am (and this is my ocd medicated btw. i have extreme ocd) they can read this and see that if nothing else they arent alone in feeling this way.

[floralhuqzz]

𝐀 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 (fem! reader x Kai Anderson)

(english is not my first language) <3

WARNINGS: stalker kai

PART 1

I woke up by the sound of my alarm, it was currently 7AM it was time to go to work. I work in a small coffe, shop just about 10 mins from my house. 

I got up and checked my phone, nothing. No messages. Nothing. As i expected. I am not really a sociable person, i dont have that many friends, neither i have a partner. I got up from bed and went to the bathroom to do my usual skin care routine. I finished and went straight into the kitchen when my cat Milo started meowing, like he was asking me to give him his morning breakfast. I chuckled and went to the fridge and grab some wet cat food for him and pour it on his little plate. When i finished with Milo i started to make myself some breakfast as well, I have one hour until my work starts so I have to be quick. I made myself some toast, fried eggs and coffee and sat down while i was reading my favorite book. When i finish i went to brush my teeth and get ready, not forgetting to do my makeup.  

I said goodbye to Milo with a little kiss on his head and i head and took some more coffee with me (im a big coffee lover) I took my keys, my bag and everything i needed for my 5 hour time job. I got out and start walking towards my car while i was too busy scrolling through my phone when i accidentaly bump into someone

“shit!-” i say after i notice i dropped my coffee on the floor

I looked up just to see a tall blue haired guy with coffee all over his jacket

“OMG IM- IM SO SO SORRY” I said still looking at his now jacket covered in coffee

“oh haha, its okay no worries, its just coffee after all, i can just wash this off” he said looking at his jacket and looking back at me

“are you sure?” I said worried and embarrased 

“totally fine haha.. and sorry for you coffee” he said now looking at my cup on the floor

“oh the coffee is nothing” I said picking up the cup from the floor

“I would pay you off somehow but im already getting late to work uhh” I said slightly chuckling 

“oh its totally fine, I was heading home right now anyways so dont worry” 

I must say he is pretty good looking, even with his dirty long blue hair and his jacket now covered with coffee. I feel like ive seen him somewhere but i dont know where... 

“Well then see ya around?” i said smiling and waving at him as i walk away

“see you around y/n” he said looking at me with a smirk on his face as he heads home

i suddenly stopped “how does he know my name?....” i thought to myself while seeing him walk away in the distance.

I head to work and start my shift. The only thing on my mind was that blue haired guy. Does he know me?. Do I know him?. I Certainly dont but, i feel like ive seen him somewhere but.. where?.... 

“miss.. miss?” 

I didnt notice that i was completely zoomed out while a costumer was talking to me

“oh! um- so sorry, that would be 3$ please” i said smiling and a little embarrased

I finished my work around 12 and headed to the supermarket for some groceries. I got inside and starting to look my grocerie list when i bump into someone.. “AGAIN? why is this happening to me” i thought to myself

“oh its you again” a mans voice spoke

“I look up just to see.. “HIM AGAIN? please god kill me” i thought 

It was the blue haired guy?! AGAIN? what is he doing here? is he stalking me or something??

“oh hi, omg i dont know whats wrong with me today im sorry” i laughed awkwardly.

“its completely fine, and hey, my jacket its not cover with coffee anymore” he said chuckling 

“uff im glad, sorry for that again” i said in relieve

“getting some groceries huh?” he asked

“yeah umm... my cat... my cat has no food and i have to buy him some” i said slightly smiling 

“ ohh, Milo? was it?” he asked looking at me dead in the eyes

“how does he know my cats name?... okey this is fucking weird” i thought to myself

“how... how do you know Milo?” i asked kinda creeped out

“oh, im your new neighbour, i moved next to you like what?, 3 weeks ago? and you know,  i asked about you around town and they told me you have a cat named Milo thats all” he said crossing his arms

my new neighbour? how tf i didnt know about this? i know now why his face sounded familiar.

“oh- omg, i didnt know im sorry” i laughed 

“its fine dont worry”

we stayed there looking at eachother with nothing to say. 

“so are you going to ask for my number or are just gonna stand there?” he said smirking

“w-what?” i asked slightly blushing at the question. i did wanted his phone number tho, im glad he was the one who asked

“yeah sure hah” i said unlocking my phone

“here you have it” he gave me a piece of paper 

“see you soon y/n” he winked at me and walked a way

i stood there in complete shock of what just happened. I decided to look at the  the paper he just gave me just to find something he written “see you at my house at 9 today? call me xxx

“wait i didnt catch your name” i said when he turn his head around

“Kai Anderson”

[darlinguistics]

i went off my adhd meds (strattera) for a few weeks as a lil experiment cuz i havent gone off them since i started them really and its too high stakes to go off them during the school year so i did it now before summer ended. i just started taking them again yesterday because i decided i was done with the lil experiment, so here's the review:

Things I Remembered About Myself/My ADHD After Actually Experiencing Them In Full-Unmedicated-Swing Again After A While (A Few Years)

conversations were fever dreams. i noticed it especially with my sister who im so close with and rarely mask around, i think like at least 1 in 3 thoughts were never finished or were finished like 2 minutes later after i remembered i never finished them. i also would totally ignore parts of things people said because i got caught up on the first thing they said and then they had to repeat themselves. i so often walked away from conversations feeling like i genuinely had no control over what i chose to say. the worst by far though was how when i really Did want to say something, i suddenly felt so inarticulate and nothing i said was actually what i meant. it was so frustrating and i didnt stay off my meds long enough to get super anxious about it but it made me remember how anxious i used to be socially before i was medicated and that was why

i lose things like crazy wow. such a cliche adhd symptom that everyone who treats adhd as a personality quirk references as like silly and chaotic of them but when its a real thing dude, its genuinely such a burden. i would just have 0 recollection of where i put things as recent as like 2 seconds ago. i lost my water bottle at work, my phone for a second, i luckily didnt lose my wallet and keys but i misplaced them so often and had mini heart attacks every time. one time i was in the car with my sister and i was like 'ugh i forgot my phone!! grr adhd!!' and then we were parked and i was waiting for her to do something and i killed time ON MY PHONE and then she came back and i put it down and then just stared at it like... wait where tf did my phone come from

sounds became so much more painful. i always underestimate my own sensory issues and i forgot how much auditory things especially are hard for me. i worked at a summer camp during this too, so i genuinely could not avoid the constant noise for like at least 8 hours straight every single day. it was annoying before i went off the meds but once i was off them it was borderline unbearable

decision overload! another symptom thats so easy to treat as just quirky and silly but wow it is debilitating!! it took all of my effort to make myself actually eat dinner every night because i would think of what to have and even just having to choose between a few things was enough to make my brain just shut off and prefer to just not eat even though i was starving. i got so much worse at grocery shopping which i usually love to do because i couldnt keep straight what my plans for the week for food were anymore. so much food went rotten because i forgot i bought it. honestly i could make a whole separate post about the weird changes my appetite went through

i just got so much more annoyed by myself? ive worked pretty hard to build a better relationship with myself the last couple of years and i actually feel like ive come really far about being nice to myself, but all the little ways that adhd inconvenienced me or messed something up, even when they were all very minor things with no serious impact, still had me with so much less patience for myself and so much more critical. i was actually shocked at how drastically the change happened and every time i caught myself it made me so sad to realize i was so angry with myself, but i also didnt really know how to tone it down. its like my mind was an overworked caregiver or something, like i gave myself compassion burnout. i think this was the nail in the coffin that made me end the little experiment and go back on my meds, because there was just no way to really fix that and give my mind the break it needed to calm down without them and i didnt like how much lower my self esteem was from just a few weeks of it.

we all know overstimulation sucks but so did the understimulation. i like totally forgot how that felt honestly, but it was painful at times. i would finally get some free time during my really busy schedule but all i could really get myself to do was just kinda sit in a quiet room and do literally nothing, maybe play soft music but only if my ears let me after all the noise of the day. i called my family less because i didnt want to hear anyones voice or i knew id get bored and wanna hang up really quick and i knew that would be rude. it was this weird situation where i felt so overstimulated most days for so long that when i finally got a reprieve i was genuinely exhausted energetically and physically and i couldnt actually make myself do much during down time but then that just made me so so understimulated and bored and SAD! i felt so much duller, almost numb, isolated. it was depressing, and then shameful when people would ask me how i spent my time and i had to say i did nothing. it reminded me of coming home from school growing up and being such an anti-social empty husk with 0 energy, back then it was even more troubling because it also made me irritable around my family and made me fall behind on assignments which only stressed me more which only exhausted me more and it was an endless cycle

okay but any good things?? i mean why did i do this?

trust me im very well acquainted with the downfalls of hyperfixating but wow i forgot how good and fulfilling it could feel too!! i started reading?? chat when was the last time i read a book omg. im genuinely so happy about this development it was like i woke up one day and was like hm actually.. im a reader. i read now. im gonna read. i wouldve expected the opposite for going off my meds but i think the unfiltered excitement about the material gave me more motivation which made up for the lack of attention span

coffee mmmmmmm. i luckily avoided like a full addiction to it (again i am very familiar with the potential evils of coffee x adhd trust me) but idk man coffee just started to hit different. while medicated i mostly just drank coffee out of like the comfort and familiarity of it and the flavor, but didnt actually crave it as much for the caffeine aspect of it because it felt unneeded and at worst anxiety inducing, but while unmedicated it became like... exactly what i wanted it to be, idk i cant describe it well lol

okay that summer camp job i mentioned, i worked with some disabled kids there that was like my Job. and i was initially worried about not being 'normal' enough off my meds to help them anymore but im so glad i did it because it made me realize/remember that it actually helped! like of course it did idk why i was nervous about it! it obviously comes with its unique challenges but it was mostly a strength that i felt like i understood some of them more and i was able to be more of like an older role model leading by example of how to exist in this way instead of just an outsider telling them what to do and what not to do without actually trying to understand them. this summer really reignited a lot of my passions about working with disabled children especially neurodivergent children and being unmedicated for a portion of it only fueled that fire more and i just feel so much more connected to the community again and so excited about the career im trying to make for myself :)

i was so shitty at masking lol, even though i still mask when im medicated i felt out of practice when i was unmedicated. but this time around i was more sure in myself so while im not and never will be immune to the shame or insecurity of being perceived unmasked i was also able to appreciate it more than i ever have. i feel like i was better at standing up for myself. i had some challenging social situations and even though i had the brain-to-mouth communication difficulties i mentioned before, it at least felt a lot easier to identify what my wants and needs were and to give them a voice, even if my voice didnt always hit the mark it still felt good to try. i tend to be a bit of a mirror or a doormat sometimes (im also a gemini rising for the astrology ppl :3 lol) because trying to navigate my own mind to find what my opinions are and then decide which are appropriate to share is like too much work so i tend to just be agreeable and small-talk-y, but i think the unmedicated adhd made me care less about all that and just like, say what i felt (or try to at least) and then also stand by what i said too. it was a good reminder that confrontation isnt inherently evil, its good actually to take up space like that sometimes. it was nice, with how much being unmedicated made me lose trust in myself in a lot of ways, i feel like it built self-trust in this aspect.

tl;dr - am i glad i did it? yes. will i do it again soon? probably not, but eventually. do i recommend it? yes..? but only if you feel like it is something that will actually benefit you and if you feel supported enough to navigate whatever challenges come up during it. do i feel differently about my meds? it definitely made me remember what exactly they do for me, and going off them for a bit satisfied the spiteful little part of me that kinda always wants to go off them and just fuck around. i feel less of the weird guilt i sometimes have about medicating now that i remember how it helps and that my unmedicated self is still part of me and i havent like, killed it off lol. do i feel differently about my adhd? i feel a lot more aware of it again in both the parts i appreciate of it and the parts that i struggle with and that was probably the most valuable takeaway from all of this.