#usually i can cope

[jesterhat]

i am CLOWNING tonight

[splankie]

reading nona the ninth as an australian has been so good. like is this how americans feel all the time?? reading their american books written by american authors?? literal actual God in TLT is a māori new zealander... im reading abt how he and his buddies sat in the back of their ute eating sausage rolls.... nona said the word munted...

[sunsbleeding]

Thanks you to all of you who have been so kind lately, I know we don’t know each other personally but I feel like I have a lil family and I’m not alone in being treated like shit by someone who pretended to love you ❤️‍🩹 big hugs to all of you, and also all you going through a depressive episode, a dark time, or struggling with substance abuse of any sort, I see you, I understand, and there will be people you find in this life that will see you too

[m1ckeyb3rry]

the way i see it kaiser is kind of stuck in this state of constantly trying to prove his adulthood but the truth is that he’s one of if not THE most childish character we see in blue lock. niko is, what, four years younger than him??? and yet between the two kaiser is the one who acts more like a kid imo. i mean…his nonsense with isagi. the overall cringe. the swearing (“ex-fucking-cuse me part ___”). that one scene with the wine mom fit (complete with a glass of red). the obsession with psychology. the whole thing about thriving in malice and restriction and whatnot. i don’t think he ever grew up — and, in some sense, i don’t think he ever really left that jail cell, either. however i don’t like him so i won’t be considering this any further

[im-fucking-baalin]

pov you heard your cat chewing something, asked them "what are you eating" and they started chewing faster

[skitskatdacat63]

"Sometimes you learn more things from the difficulties than from the celebrations"

[gatoburr0]

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[kaiser1ns]

TAKIISHI CHIKA IN CHAPTER 153

[aster-daydream404]

Unrelated to any of the usual things i talk or reblog about over here in my silly little corner, but as i got back into the LMK fandom bc of shadowpeach bio parent au and delve into the fanfictions because of PittedPeaches' AGAOC, i just want to say that... holy shit Red Son you and your actually dysfunctional family's dynamic DID NOT HAVE TO HIT THAT HARD IM SCREAMING IM CRYING IM SOBBING IM TEARING MY HAIR OUT IM BITING AT THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE!!!

[rogloptimist]

watched a little too much 25 21 this week and @mundanememory’s matteo/jonas got me badddddd

The closet smells like dust and Lysol. It clashes against the gentle bergamot and wood of Jonas’s cologne, Matteo’s favorite of his small set.

“You haven’t worn this one in a while,” He whispers, his voice reflecting in hot breath against Jonas’s cheek. “It’s nice.”

“Mm,” The other man acknowledges. He pulls Matteo in by the waist, further response neglected. Matteo, as usual, let’s him take the lead. Jonas kisses unhurried, moving as if down a familiar road. Soft, casual. Matteo has to be careful to not seem clumsy in comparison– against Jonas’s steady, contained calm it’s hard not to feel gangly, limbs and want spilling out of him like he’s overflowing.

He’s making a conscious effort not to melt too much into the way Jonas drapes his arms around him, carefully monitoring the electricity sparking in his chest as the lovely warmth of the blond’s tongue darts into his mouth. It’s practically routine, but his face still flushes from the way his heart races as Jonas slides a hand up his sweater. Matteo runs hot– Jonas is chronically cold. He’s pictured holding his slender fingers in his own until they reach an equilibrium a frankly embarrassing number of times— an image he distracts himself from by trailing down Jonas’s neck in a tentative kisses, which really doesn’t do much to help. He has to remind himself that they do this in a custodial closet for a reason, sometimes. The ring that bites into his shoulder is a silent reprimand, coaxing him away from the more domestic of his fantasies.

He has to lean down a little for this, and he cups his hands around Jonas’s jaw as he licks softly at the delicate skin of the smaller man’s throat. They both know what comes next– Matteo undoes the metal clasp and zipper of Jonas’s navy blue dress pants in practiced motions and drops to his knees against the rough carpet.

“Wait,” Jonas interrupts, straying from their typical script of wordlessness. Matteo pauses, looks up. “I’m live soon.”

It’s not refusal so much as a warning. He dares a smile. “Okay, boss.”

He works quicker from there, wasting less time with his typical frivolities as he pulls down the elastic waistband of Jonas’s boxers. Jonas is halfway there, and it doesn’t take much work to get him fully hard as Matteo strokes him with a hand blushing at the knuckles. Jonas exhales sharp and long through his nose as Matteo takes him between his lips and begins his ritual. It’s a clandestine dance, both of them practiced at keeping pleasure quiet. Jonas has a hand thrown over his eyes, breathing controlled, steadily regulating the reactions of his body in a way that seems almost natural, thoughtless. It would make Matteo envious if room for such emotion wasn’t taken by reverence.

He works his tongue into the hot salt of Jonas’s dick heavy in his mouth, chasing after the way he bucks his hips forward in seeking for more– of which he is eager to give. His head buzzes with thrill as he hears Jonas’s breaths grow shakier in suppression of the more crude sounds behind his lips. The world shrinks down to just the two of them when they’re together. The rush in his veins is fueled solely by Jonas; his body, his pleasure, his praise. He could ride the high that he gets as Jonas fucks into his mouth and comes with an escaped moan for days. He waits a moment before swallowing and wiping his lips, entranced by the way Jonas’s golden curls fall back into place as he runs a hand through his hair.

Jonas zips up his dark pants. The simple gold of his wedding band flashes in the drifts of light that seep through the cracks in the door. Matteo brings his gaze away and back up to Jonas’s face.

Jonas looks Matteo up and down as he gets up from his place on the ground. “You wore the green tie,” he notes.

“Oh, yeah. People said it looked nice last Friday.” By people, he means Jonas. He was hoping he’d notice again, a little.

“It looks good with your hair,” Jonas says, which makes Matteo have to smother a grin. “Trine told me first. It’s her favorite color. She knows more about what goes with what than I do,” He laughs. 

“Oh,” Matteo smiles, a little forced. He remembers his own stilted words clashing against Jonas’s relaxed introductions between the three of them. He likes Trine, really.

“Ah, I’m on in a few minutes.” Jonas taps on his watch screen. “I’ll see you later, hm?”

“Right, yeah. Good luck live, eh, boss?” They both know he doesn’t need it, but Jonas smiles back anyways. He steps out casually, as if exiting any other meeting room. That evening, they’ll see each other at another team dinner and say nothing. Jonas, at least, is very good at pretending. All Matteo does is follow his lead.

[sciderman]

I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

[nocturnalnewsiestrash]

Okay guys so I know we all lightly tease Charles for seemingly never actually thinking through any of the emotions he ever has but it occurred to me, what if he has alexithymia?!? Between his very obvious ADHD and his apparent lack of ever addressing how he feels, alexithymia would explain a lot actually. I mean even in hell he's saying he needs more time to process how he feels and basically wants to NOT have to think about it in the moment on the stairs. Like that boy has alexithymia. He needs his reflective time Edwin, give him time.

Also also like he never wants to talk about himself, only address other's needs and feelings which is just so alexithymia?? I mean I know it's partly his trauma response but also it's such an alexithymia personality trait too. Alexithymia makes every choice he makes make sooooo much more sense. That and the adhd impulsivity, but it didn't really feel like it was the whole picture. Alexithymia was the missing key

[pinkhysteria]

legacies fandom's selective moralizing over the non-white chrs remains so funny like jdksjdks yes i Can "forgive" alyssa for sending away the saltzmans and yes i Can "forgive" cleo for trying to kill hope. it's not hard!

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

headcanon that scorpius was a sick child and was in and out of hospital constantly, perhaps related to astoria's blood curse but not directly. his immune system isnt very strong, and everytime he gets sick they're terrified that it's the blood curse but also whatever else it could be, because it's always so sudden and so intense and they call healers over to the house who recommend this delirious feverish 4 year old is hospitalised immediately, and you'd think it'd get easier to some extent because they'd be used to it, but everytime they feel like this is it, this is the time he'll walk in to the hospital and not walk out again

[soup-is-here]

Mouthwashing Spoilers

TW: Addiction and Self Harm

I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though

It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?

Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!

And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there

We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.

I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.

I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?

Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.

But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.