#usually by the end of the book The Evil Is Defeated or at least they get a victory while the war continues

[isdalinarhot]

did i like wind and truth? girl i dont know. ive been surrounded by people who both hate it completely and who think its the best book in the series. and the people who hate it hate it for stupid reasons like "kadolin dont interact much" and "they used early 19th century technology in this book series thats roughly at late 18th century technology" but i cannot deny that when i finished wind and truth i felt miserable. i dont like a book ending on an everything-is-horrible ending when theres gonna be a 7 year hiatus before the next one comes out. thats my big complaint.

[clean-casual-analysis]

When the villain is a philosophy

When you think of the word antagonist, the first thing that comes to mind is a villain. This is completely natural, given that stories of good vs evil tend to follow a heroic protagonist fighting against an evil antagonist. But once you get into the definition of the word, a person who actively opposes or is hostile to someone or something, moral alignment doesn’t dictate whether a character should be a protagonist or an antagonist. The most recognizable examples of this would be the likes of Invader Zim and Megamind, characters that are villainous in nature but are still the protagonists of their respective stories.

But villain protagonists and hero antagonists aren’t what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the antagonists that aren’t entirely focused on, at least in the traditional sense. Antagonists that, despite being the source of conflict in the narrative, don’t actually show up a lot of the time. These antagonists, while characters in their own right, are more symbolic in nature. The protagonists of these stories aren’t just trying to defeat the antagonists, but the rotten philosophies that these antagonists have. The beliefs that push the antagonists to do their villainous acts.

White Diamond: Uniformity and the Status Quo

In the entirety of the original Steven Universe series, not counting the movie or SU Future, White Diamond appears in three episodes out of one hundred and sixty episodes. (Two if we don’t count White Pearl/Volleyball) That’s not even one percent of the series. In most series involving a good vs evil plot line, we usually switch perspectives between our heroes and villains to understand how they’re reacting to the events of the story. But SU is entirely told from Steven’s perspective. The audience only gets new information about gems, homeworld, Rose Quartz, etcetera, when Steven himself learns it. Because of this perspective, we don’t see the final antagonist of the series until the very end of the show.

But even though White Diamond is not present throughout the majority of the show, her homeworld subordinates and beliefs fill in the place of the hurdles that the protagonists must pass. Think about what the show is about and what lessons it teaches. Relationships are intricate and need mutual respect, being proud of who and what you are, and (most importantly) societal roles do not define you. The development of the main characters each involve acceptance of the self and bucking of what’s expected of them. Pearl fully moving on from Rose, Garnet improving her self-love, Amethyst fully accepting herself for what she is, Peridot’s disillusionment with Homeworld and growing appreciation for earth, Connie disobeying her mother’s strict rules, Steven slowly becoming someone better than even his own mother, I could go on. It’s honestly surprising, looking back, how most of the characters’ core issues stem from the lack of self-assurance and how homeworld views their flaws.

White Diamond and her Homeworld regime ultimately represent how systems put limits and stigma onto people for the sake of uniformity. The consequence of living inside your own head. A fusion cannot happen between two different gems, Pearls must be servants, Quartz gems must be big and strong, and Diamonds must be the perfect leaders. Why? Because that’s just what gems do. Because that’s how the system works. Homeworld’s status quo is one of creating an ever-expanding empire at the cost of independence, self-expression, unique lifeforms, and healthy relationships. The system can’t be wrong, White Diamond can’t be flawed, it’s how things have always been so why change what isn’t broken.

Sauron: Dominance and Corruption

While he has more screen presence and is a much more a significant part of the story of Lord of the Rings than White Diamond is to SU, the dark lord Sauron is similarly one small part of a larger tale. Heck, he doesn’t even have dialogue in the book trilogy. Also, like White Diamond, Sauron is best represented by his many underlings. Ruthless orcs with crude but effective weaponry, colossal beasts to crush his enemies underfoot, massive armies dedicated to the dark lord’s cause of dominating all life in Midde Earth. But what’s most notable about Sauron isn’t the great power he possesses or the armies he commands, it’s the way he corrupts and deceives those that stand against him.

The betrayal of Saruman the White, the nine Nazgûl once being great kings of men who were turned into terrible ringwraiths, and most notoriously, the enticing power of the one ring. Boromir, believing that Gondor can use this evil weapon for good. Smeagol, utterly degraded into a deceitful cave dwelling throttler named Gollum. Frodo, forced to carry a heavy burden that weighs him down both physically and mentally. To Sauron, the corruption of good is a weapon he wields with unmatched lethality.

The insidious nature of his villainy is what makes Sauron the great representative of dominance and corruption that he is. The promises of more enticing good people to do evil for the “right” reasons and the ruthless conquest for dominion over all is all too real an evil to ignore.

The Martians: Colonialism and Warfare

I debated with myself on whether or not the martians from War of the Worlds should be included here. Unlike Sauron or White Diamond, the martians are clear and present throughout the story. On the other hand, there isn’t a named martian general or a big bad that’s shown to lead the alien invaders into combat. In the end, the fact that the martians are made to purely represent the darkest parts of humanity outweighs the secondary theme of this essay.

One of, if not THE first alien invasion story, War of the Worlds messaging is clear and easy to understand. The tentacled beings from Mars are coldly intelligent, remorseless, and regard our world with envious eyes. They use human blood as sustenance when they aren’t vaporizing us by the hundreds, their tripods are horrific machines of mass destruction, and their invasion is one of slaughter and destruction. But the book is quick to remind us that humanity isn’t so morally innocent compared to the martians. The consumption of our blood seems horrific, but humans have also killed animals and each other for food and resources. Their tripods are colossal and terrifying, but humanity has made countless destructive war machines. The invaders are dead set on wiping out humanity, but humanity not only brought extinction to animals like the dodo bird but to entire groups of our own kind. The martians are not simply an alien invasion to fight back against, it’s a cautious look into our worst future. A humanity that prioritizes ruthless colonization and military might is a humanity doomed to be parasitic and heartless.

War of the Worlds also takes a critical view towards solving problems through warfare. Violence is sometimes needed to fight evil, but that does make violence a good thing. The action and battles in War of the Worlds are not thrilling or glorious, they are horrific and even bumbling to an extent. Much like the early British imperials that they represent, the martians are arrogant and only win because they have the better technology. Even the destruction of a tripod has severe consequences, a flaming wreckage falling into a lake and boiling the humans hiding there alive. There is nothing pride or goodness to found in destruction and death. Warfare and violence should be the last resort of those trying to survive, yet humanity and martians brandish their weapons without care or empathy for those beneath them.

The Truth, In-Fighting, and the Seemingly Insignificant

These antagonists all represent a morally dangerous part of humanity. The stubborn refusal to change a flawed status quo, the desire to dominate and corrupt those who don’t, needless conquest and bloody war. But despite all their power and influence, these philosophies that the villains believe in fail them in the end.

For White Diamond, her ultimate failure stems from the mortal enemy of all tyrannical systems: the truth. In the last episode of Steven Universe, White Diamond removes the gemstone from our protagonist’s body. Believing that the mischievous Pink Diamond is merely hiding in this human body, White seeks to end this silly game once and for all. But once the gemstone is removed, it does form into Pink Diamond or even Rose Quartz. It forms a bright pink Steven. In the final act of Change Your Mind, White Diamond is faced with reality and all its implications. This gemstone is Steven, it’s always been Steven. This half human is not the irrational or childish person, it’s White. The leader of Homeworld, the one who’s supposed to know all and make things better, is wrong. But in order to do that, she needs to leave her own head. One of the hardest things for a person to do is admit when they’re wrong, that their foundational beliefs holding up a status quo is deeply flawed and objectively false. But accepting that you were wrong, learning from and fixing your mistakes, and becoming something better than what you were before is the greatest reward anyone genuinely looking for redemption can ask for.

For Sauron, his victory over Middle Earth comes so close. Minas Tirith has been ravaged, the army of man outside the black gates are crumbling before his might, and the ring bearer has been corrupted. However, just when all hope is burned to ash, something unexpected happens. Gollum, the epitome of the corruptive power that the one ring possesses, attacks Frodo to get back his precious. Whether it’s through struggling with Frodo like in the movie or not paying attention like in the book, Gollum falls into the fires of Mount Doom with the ring in tow. In the movies, we’re told that the eye of Sauron can pierce through cloud and stone. Because of this detail, I personally wonder what was going through the dark lord’s mind as he watched Gollum plummet to his death. The one ring’s defense, Sauron’s greatest strength, corrupting others into fighting amongst each other, was what led to his ultimate downfall. This is not the first time something like this has happened. Think back to the orcs fighting amongst themselves, or when Wormtongue stabs Saruman in the back. Not to mention that the mercy of both Frodo and Bilbo is what led to Gollum reaching Mount Doom in the first place. Even with all his armies and power, Sauron underestimated the petty infighting amongst his followers and the little acts of kindness of his enemies. Even when the forces of darkness seemingly succeed, all they’ll have left is each other to destroy. As Frodo himself said in the Two Towers book, they can’t conquer forever.

For the martians, their demise comes outwardly from nowhere. Their Tripods fall silent and they all die due to sickness. The book states that the martians either never encountered bacteria like earth’s or they had wiped out all disease on Mars. In both scenarios, the martian’s belief in their untouchable superiority over earth led their death. As soon as their invasion started, they were doomed. War of the Worlds isn’t just a hard look at what humanity could become, but also a love letter to all types of life. Bacteria, the seemingly most insignificant part of our world, is our savior here. It is so, so easy to despise germs and how they make mankind ill. But they also decompose dead flesh, helps the human body digest food, and are just as vital to our world as so many other creatures’ humanity takes for granted. All forms of life has a place in this world and to undervalue, let alone actively want to eliminate, all of it is foolhardy and black-hearted.

It’s how these stories come to an end is why I’m attracted to the idea of villains representing abhorrent philosophies. They show the inherent flaws of such morally bankrupt ideas and how their failures are inevitable. The desire for uniformity and belief that your status quo is flawless cannot stand up to the truth of the situation. Great and powerful conquerors seeking to corrupt will find themselves destroying each other when there is nothing left to dominate, while small acts of generosity and sympathy keep their opponents afloat. Arrogant war lords with their mighty machines will crumble to the things they deem to be insignificant.

[jessicafangirl]

Building A Mystery

Here it is kids, my Vampire Volkarin fic, chapter 1. Life and the universe kept me from getting this one up sooner than I would like but I hope you enjoy this first glimpse into Mystery and Emmrich's tale. You can also read here on AO3

Let me know what you think kids.

Mystery Ingellvar AKA Rook and Emmrich Volkarin found each other at the end of the world. Together they stopped this from happening along with their team. After defeating the Elven Gods, the heroes of the Veilguard now keep watch from the Lighthouse and fight to keep evil from returning to the realm. During one of these battles Rook is nearly killed and Emmrich realizes that even though he gave up Lichdom to save Manfred he now has left himself nearly powerless to keep the woman he loves safe. Emmrich leaves the Lighthouse and Mystery to find a solution which will change their lives forever.

Okay let's get one thing straight. I LOVE Emmrich. He's everything. Peter Cushing, Vincent Price, Cardinal Copia, and any and all silver foxes I've loved all rolled into one. He deserves all the love.

Anyway, now that I've got that out of the way, my other love is vampires. And to me it makes sense that Emmrich would decide if Lichdom was off the table he'd figure out a way to make this a goal and make it work. Love makes us do funny things.

We may or may not have an appearance of a pale elf some of you may know here or at least be mentioned.

Mystery is the name I figured out for my Rook after I made her. It fits for an orphan left on a pile of skeletons in the realm of the dead don't you think? Myst is in her 40s (so Emmrich is still a little older) but she's just as much of a wallflower who didn't really interact that much with people until she ran into Varric a few years ago. He saw her talents and her knowledge and decided, yeah that'll do. That meeting opened up a world to her she'd only read about in history books and novellas.

Instead of being around people and adventuring around, she had spent her time amongst the dead reading, training. She'd never ran into Emmrich but when she does finally meet him it's like one of those elegant heroes from the books she read all her life had stepped out of the pages for her.

So that's a little background for you. Give me all your angst baby. I'm here for the tasty angst.

______________________________________________________________

Emmrich was gone.

That was what Rook woke up to when she’d come round. Emmrich was gone and no one knew where to. She’d nearly died…again. At least in the Fade she couldn’t die, no matter how hellish it was while trapped there. She’d actually just disappeared and not been almost skewered by a well-placed blade by an undead warrior with really good luck. At least until Taash had roasted his undead flesh off his bones. The blade had just missed her heart.

Rook’s blue eyes were hazy as she came to, everything hurting. Her first word was his name. But Emmrich didn’t answer her. Instead Lucanis came to stand beside her, taking her hand in his gloved one. “Shhh, it’s okay. You need to rest.” His softly accented voice wrapped around her.

Rook didn’t want to rest; she wanted to know where her Necromancer was. But she didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter as the dark was pulling her back down again. She thought she heard Manfred’s familiar hiss as she slipped away, Lucanis telling the skeleton “I know, but we can’t bother her with that now.”

The next time she came round it was to daylight streaming through a window somewhere nearby. She had no idea how long she’d been out, but her dreams had seemed very real. More like memories…but she was seemingly watching it all take place from somewhere other than her body. The fight…that was first….the smell of blood and corrupted dead flesh. There was a scent to the undead who were brought back with dark magic…it wasn’t clean…it was foul. Not even the usual smell of a typical corpse, something Rook was used to thanks to her time in the Mourn Watch and the Necropolis.

No, the corrupted dead were beyond normal rot. It was as if the evil that had beget them permeated everything, even maggots wouldn’t feed from them. If some did, they’d die from the tainted feast, falling off them limp and lifeless.

The battle hadn’t been a long one. The mage who had decided to try their luck at the powerful forces needed didn’t realize just how much they had taken on in their bid to take over the city. It had wound up destroying them…too much infernal magic. The mage had died spectacularly in a ball of their own fire leaving a number of undead to deal with before the city was overwhelmed.

Rook saw in her mind’s eye how elegant Emmrich had been, his hands graceful as the green energy that he had flowing through him shot out and brought a final, merciful end to many of the creatures. He’d call out a “Well done my love.” When she’d take down their foes and she’d shout back when he’d do the same “Dashing and dangerous my dear.” Rook swore she could see the blush on his pale cheeks when she’d done that.

She’d been surprised. That’s what had happened. She’d taken care of the two undead she’d been fighting but a third had been in hiding. The pain had been quick, breathtakingly intense and then more concerningly gone and replaced by a chilling cold that spread through her quickly. Rook felt the blade pulled out from her chest and from far away heard Emmrich’s tortured cry of “Noooooo!”

She’d fallen to her knees and was oddly calm when she looked up at the moving cadavers face, red flames in place of eyes. This was it…I’m so sorry Emmrich….it’s my fault. I’m so sorry. It repeated over and over in her head. But before the creature could deliver a final blow it was ripped away from her in a blast of green. The undead was thrown with such force at a brick wall on the other side of the plaza that it exploded in a shower of gore, blood, and bone.

Rook had seen it and watched in numbed awe and disgust combined. It was impressive but not pleasant to look at. Her eyelids were so heavy then and it hurt to breathe. The blood was staining her shirt under the thin armor and the cold was now stretching from her chest out through her arms and legs. The blood was warm though…it was taking her warmth with it as it steadily left her. “oh….”

The wave of dizziness made her world spin and then Emmrich was there, kneeling beside her, catching her and pulling her into his arms. The scents of lilac and sweet incense met her nose, washing away the scents of decay. “My darling.” She heard his gentle voice, the words that sounded so brittle against her ear trembling. “My love you must hold on…stay with me Rook…you must stay with me.”

“Emmrich…” She heard herself as if far away, “I’m sorry…didn’t see them.” Rook had pressed her cheek against his warm chest, the heat of him radiating through the soft silk of his shirt. He always smelled so good….she’d miss that.

He’d held her so tightly for a moment, she’d heard a choked sob trying to be kept at bay in his long throat. “Shh…I need…I need you to stay awake my Mystery.” He pulled away just enough to start working the clasps of her armor. He had to see the damage; he had to fix this now. The rest of the battle was nearly done, he could hear the clashing of weapons, the sounds of other magic being launched at their foes. Emmrich could hear the distant panting of Lucanis who had followed him as he ran to where they were to keep watch while he tended to her.

She remembered the pull of the armor against her wound, the hiss of pain as the Necromancer pulled it away. His green and gold flecked eyes had widened at the sight. “My love….” He’d whispered the words, as though he didn’t realize they were said out loud. Her shirt was stained red from her blood, the injury deep. He’d immediately started crafting healing magic to stop the damage, the bleeding.

She’d been hurt bad, and Rook knew it, could feel it, could see it in Emmrich’s tortured expression. The familiar tingling, the slight burn of the magic leaking into her skin made her hiss. The fact it hurt this bad was another sign of the severity of the wound. Rook had blacked out then, her eyes too heavy to keep open any longer. The next time she came to some half-wakened state it was to darkness. Things were blurry, her vison unclear. There was a numbness to her body, like a limb when you’ve slept too long on it. The feeling spread out from her chest to her toes and fingers. And seemingly her brain as she couldn’t make out details in the gloom. But then there was a flare of green fire, familiar in the near black of the room.

“Emmrich….” Her voice was unfamiliar to her ears, weak, barely a whisper. Just that word took all her strength…but it was a word worth the sacrifice, worth any sacrifice. And then he was there beside her, the green fire surrounding his fingers like ghostly flames of jade.

When her heavy eyes met his she saw in their depths fear, sorrow, exhaustion but a determination no other could have matched. “I am here my love.” He said, the lilt of his voice reaching her ears like a caress. “You must save your strength. Do not talk dearest.” His hands hovered over her heart, above the wound in her chest. He spoke an incantation of healing, the dialect actually unfamiliar to her…or maybe she was simply too still in shock to recognize it.

The thrum of magic rippled over her skin and through her and with it a feeling that she could only say was Emmrich. In that magic that came from within him she felt his love, his strength and will to mend her wounds, to make her whole again. The scent of lilac and bergamot filled her nostrils. She could almost hear his voice now in her head “I will not lose you my love. I will not let you go. We’ve been through too much for you to leave me now. I’ve only just found you. I cannot lose you. I will not lose you.”

The heat from the magic entering her spread throughout her entire body. It felt like comfort and Mystery could feel it pulling her back down into sleep. The glow of green faded then and she heard Emmrich let out an exhausted sob as he fell to his knees next to the mattress.

No…no Emmrich shouldn’t be crying. Never. She couldn’t bear the thought. Rook reached out her fingers and let them thread into his silver laced hair. “I love you…don’t…cry.” She managed to say even though the words sounded far away to her ears.

At this he raised his head in surprise, his fingers clasping hers tightly, the gold of his rings still warm from the residual magic. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, his mustache tickling her skin. “I…I love you my Mystery.” Rook heard him take a ragged breath as he pressed her fingers against his cheek. Even in her stupor of a state she could feel the stubble of a beard starting to form. Emmrich’s control had returned, Rook could sense it in the way he straightened his back as he placed another kiss to her fingers. “You must rest. Let my magic do its work dearest heart. Do not fight the pull of sleep, let it in and dream of our home.”

Rook didn’t want to sleep. She wanted to stay with him, but she saw a soft glow of green light where their hands were clasped together, and a warm wave of sleepiness started taking over her. “Want…to stay…with you.” Rook said drowsily, her eyelids so heavy.

“You will darling…you will.” She heard Emmrich say from far away. Rook felt something slip onto her ring finger then, still warm from the green fire. “This I vow my love.” Sleep took her then.

She vaguely remembered opening her eyes the next time to a familiar chamber, now no longer shrouded in darkness. There were walls of books surrounding her, beautiful and filling the air with the scents of old paper and leather…the perfume of knowledge she’d named it and Emmrich had smiled so lovely at the phrase one night while they had been researching a ceremony to remove a haunting.

He’d kissed her without a word suddenly after she’d said it. Rook had been happily surprised by the action. “What was that for?” She’d asked him, grinning like a school girl with the biggest crush.

“Because you have a beautiful turn of phrase my dearest…and I could not resist the temptation of the lips that could conjure such lovely prose.” The Necromancer had replied, his ring covered fingers lightly caressing her cheek as he smiled down at her.

She’d shook her head at the thought such a man who could craft such elegant flattery would think she was the one with the knack for phrasing. Emmrich’s voice and his own way with words was one of her weaknesses. With the way the firelight had caught his eyes and glinted in the lovely silver streaking his hair, blazing within the gold of his rings and bracelets she decided she wanted to plunder the treasure that was her necromancer.

He’d noticed the way her eyes had darkened, the blue depths sapphire, her lips turning up in a smile that meant dastardly thoughts had entered her head. “My love…what are you plotting?” He’d asked, cheeks flushing and the question only slightly breathy.

She’d pushed him to the settee, and he’d fallen back against the cushions, still graceful though surprised. Rook remembered draping herself over him and the poor man was trapped. “We…we…really should be exploring…” She’d gotten at least two buttons undone on his shirt at that point and her mouth had found his throat, as did her teeth. The sound he’d made was probably supposed to be a word, but she’d been hard pressed to figure out which one. And she’d had other things on her mind like the rest of the buttons.

A quick intake of air “Exploring….ways…to…” he tried again. Emmrich was a determined sort that was true. But so was Rook. Half the buttons now and she started peppering his chest with kisses, her cheek rubbing against the graying hair that covered the center above his heart. “stop….” He managed to gasp out.

She remembered lifting her gaze to his, seeing his green eyes nearly closed, the color so dark she could barely see where the pupils ended and the green began. Her fingers ran along his side, sliding to his hip. “Did you say you want me to stop?” She’d asked, one brow raised.

He’d had one very short look of panic cross his face. “Don’t…don’t stop.” He’d practically begged. “Never…stop.” He’d then pulled her up to where she was literally sprawled on top of him and held her face in his bejeweled fingers. “Never…” He’d said and then kissed her fully, taking her breath away along with his own.

The memory was sweet. One of a treasure trove that had managed to outweigh the bad she’d collected so many of in her life. The scales were getting more even all thanks to a man who could make the dead speak and her life sing.

But he wasn’t here right now. The room was missing what made it truly special, made it home. She sat up, wincing just slightly at the pull on her injuries and sore muscles. She was healed for the most part. She moved aside the long silken shift that covered her to look down at where the blade had pierced her.

It had been worse than she imagined it or remembered clearly. There was an angry scar marring her pale skin, just to the side of her heart. This was evidence of how close she’d came to dying…the fact Emmrich’s healing magic, something he was powerful in, had not been able to leave her unmarked. How long had she been unconscious? Where was Emmrich?

Brain still hazy from the ordeal and just coming round, Rook pulled her shift back into place and slowly swung her legs off the bed. The sheets, the pillow cases smelled like him. The cologne he wore that held the scents of lilacs and bergamot. There was a hint of incense too. All of this was Emmrich, and it calmed her slowly growing anxiety a bit.

Rook glanced down, feeling something unfamiliar on her left hand. There now was a golden ring, sigils of protection carved into the band with a stunning pale green emerald. In the light the green matched Emmrich’s magic almost perfectly, as though he’d given her a piece of himself that could always be with her. She ran a finger over the stone, tears pricking her eyes.

She went to stand and nearly stumbled, her muscles not used to the motion. Rook grasped hold of the wooden column of the bed nearest her letting out a gasp as there was still pain in her chest. The movement of her arm pulled the still tender muscles and freshly healed flesh.

A familiar hiss from across the room met her ears and Manfred’s skeletal visage appeared quickly following it. The sweet spirit gently took hold of her arm to keep her steady.

“Thank you…Manfred.” Rook managed to say, her throat dry and raspy.

Manfred settled her back on the bed to sit with her feet on the floor. After a few more hisses and gestures, Rook took the hint she was supposed to stay there while Emmrich’s favorite student headed off. He returned a minute or two later followed by Davrin looking relieved and worried in equal measure. It was a strange combination.

“Rook…how are you feeling?” The Warden’s kind eyes studied her.

“Sore…and thirsty.” She looked up at him.

Davrin saw how pale she was. There didn’t seem to be a fever though, just exhaustion showing in her blue gaze. He moved to a table nearby and poured some water into a cup, bringing it over to her. “Drink this slowly. You’ve been out for a while.”

After a few sips she kept hold of the cup, grasping it in her hands tightly to try and keep her fingers from trembling. Her voice she wasn’t so successful with. “How long is a while?”

Davrin glanced away. “On and off for about eight days.” He answered her.

Rook gasped at that. Eight days. She’d been more damaged than she thought. Emmrich had to have been exhausted.

“Where’s Emmrich? Sleeping I hope?” she asked, taking another drink.

Davrin didn’t answer her, and Rook noticed. “Davrin…where’s Emmrich?” Her voice was hushed to her own ears.

The warden turned, his eyes not able to meet hers still. “He left two days ago…when he knew you were going to be okay.”

As if knowing he’d waited to make sure she was alright would make his absence better. Where did he leave to though? “What happened, why did he leave?” Rook’s voice hitched up, a strange feeling running up her spine. Emmrich wouldn’t just leave. He wouldn’t just leave her…at least she didn’t think he would.

Davrin leaned against the bottom left post of the bed, crossing his arms over his chest. “None of us knew he was going until Manfred walked into the main all carrying two letters on a tray like a butler. One was addressed to the team and the other’s for you.”

He pulled an envelope from his tunic’s pocket, one that was familiar to Rook from Emmrich’s desk. They were from his best stationery, the pieces he used for his most important correspondence. Davrin slipped it into her shaking hand.

He quickly glanced away, pursing his lips. “Honestly, I hadn’t seen him in a state like that before. I should have known something was up.”

Rook’s blue eyes stared at the envelope in her hand like it was the most poisonous spider she’d ever seen. She placed the cup of water on the bedside table as though the weight of the envelope needed both hands to keep it in her grasp. “What sort of state Davrin?” she asked him in a hushed whisper.

Davrin was reconsidering being the one to bring her the letter and the news. “The closest I can compare is when you were lost to the fade. He looked haggard. Haunted as though he hadn’t slept since you were brought back here. I know the amount of healing he had to do worked on him but…it was more than that.”

Rook closed her eyes and fought back a sob, her breath hitching. “What did your letter say?”

The warden sighed. “He told us he had to go away for a while and to ensure you were taken care of until his return, Manfred as well. He had a personal quest to follow. He didn’t leave any more details.”

Rook was in shock. He’d left Manfred behind? She felt her face grow visibly paler, her heart beat speeding up in anxiety, a creeping feeling of dread growing up along her spine. Her muscles winced as she felt a tremor pull at her still healing wound.

Davrin didn’t want to leave her alone, but he had a feeling whatever was in the letter would be better read privately. The warden moved away from the post of the bed. “I’ll go check in with Lucanis on getting you something to eat. Manfred won’t leave your side no matter what we tried so we’ve been taking shifts with him.”

She looked up at him, her blue eyes distant. “Thank you Davrin…thank everyone.”

He gave her a nod, placing a large hand on her shoulder with far more gentle care than anyone would expect and then left.

Mystery’s fingers shook as she stared down at the envelope. Delaying this wouldn’t do any good but she couldn’t stop the scenarios in her head. His loss of lichdom had finally come home to him and he couldn’t stand seeing her, the one that had talked him into saving his skeleton of a son instead. He couldn’t deal with how needy she was. He’d realized he could do so much better than she.

The old doubts could come so fast, return so quickly that it made it hard to breathe for a few seconds as they strangled her. Her own parents hadn’t wanted her…why would the most handsome, most magical man she’d ever met still want her around?

As if knowing her thoughts the ring on her finger grew warm. In a trick of the light she thought she saw the stone glowing. He’d not part with something like this if he were tossing her aside, leaving her behind, would he? Mystery ran shaking fingers through her short blonde hair, twirling the single braid nervously around her finger. Emmrich would do the same thing sometimes before they would head into a dangerous situation, his thumb stroking it with a sweet smile “For luck.” He’d say, then press his lips to her hair.

She felt a single tear hit her cheek and she wiped it away taking a shaky breath. “Get it over with Myst, just do it.” She told herself.

The envelope opened easily as she carefully pulled the green wax seal that held the shape of a skull away. The pages were thick, and she held them to her nose for a moment, catching the scent of the lotion he used, the fragrance of lilac and some herbal mixture that would always linger when he touched her. Mystery unfolded the pages and there in Emmrich’s beautiful, precise handwriting was his message to her. She took a deep breath and began reading.

My beloved Mystery,

I’ll be gone by the time you read these words. I would not have left your side if I didn’t know for certain my healing spells worked and you would be well. Nor would I have left you without knowing you’d be in the safest, most trustworthy hands of our friends, our family as they’ve grown to be.

What I’m doing and where I’m going is too dangerous to risk you or Manfred. And while the danger is great the reward shall be a way of ensuring your safety and my ability to keep you safe. To ensure we are together always my darling.

I will never regret choosing Manfred’s return to us over lichdom. Our little family fills my heart with joy and wonder every day. But this latest near loss of you, so close to losing you my beloved, has shown me that I must find a way to keep you safe and to protect you. A way to ensure I am there to fulfill the promise of my vow. My dearest heart, I believe I have found a way to do this and perhaps give me what lichdom could as well in some ways. While you recovered I planned, I worked, and drank more than my share of Lucanis’s strongest coffee. I don’t know if I’ll be able to recover from so much of that brew.

My Mystery, it is the hardest thing I’ve had to do, leaving your side like a thief in the night. But know that I will return to you as soon as I’m able. When I do, I may be changed, and I hope I am. But in your eyes and in my heart know that I’m the same man who loves you more than life itself and whose life truly began when you found him.

Forgive me for leaving you like this, but I know if I had told you I was going I would not have been able to resist if you had asked me to stay. I can deny you nothing my darling, but this separation will be worth it in the end. And I will then be by your side forever more.

Yours always and with love, E.

Mystery reread it three times before it finally hit her that he’d left because of her, just not in the way she had worried about. Now it was a whole other level of fear and sadness that took over her thoughts and guilt. Oh Maker, the guilt that fell over her. Her stupid and careless mistake that had nearly cost her her life had taken away one of her reasons for living.

“Oh Emmrich…” She felt the tears come then in earnest. There was no stopping these. The vagueness of the letter wasn’t helping. What had he gone to do that was so dangerous he wouldn’t allow her and Manfred to go with him? He’d been right, she would have made him stay somehow.

She heard a soft hiss come from behind her and Manfred appeared holding one of Emmrich’s embroidered handkerchiefs. “Rook…ssssad.” He said and she could do nothing but shake her head and take the piece of cloth.

Of course it too smelled like him as she wiped at her eyes. “Yes Manfred, I’m sad.” She managed to say. She needed to pull herself together even if her heart was shattering into a million pieces of worry, guilt, and pain. Manfred needed someone to keep an eye on him, to keep him on his path of studies. She had her other obligations for keeping the realm safe as one of the heroes of the Veil Guard.

Mystery still didn’t know quite how all this happened, how her life had gotten to where it now was. It was so much. All of it. But Emmrich was always there, or at least he had been, to keep her grounded. Emmrich with the sweetest words, the most skilled fingers, and kisses that could melt a slab of iron with the heat they could contain. Her Necromancer was all prim and proper etiquette for the world to see, but when it was just the two of them, particularly during the moon lit hours, another side would emerge.

Emmrich Volkarin had a hunger within him that was directed at her. It wanted to consume her. Those words filled with charm and politeness would disappear as those magical fingers would pull at the buttons keeping her shirt on and her flesh from his touch. That smooth, honey voice would grow lower and would start muttering phrases that would make her cheeks burn even now just remembering it. “My Mystery,” he’d say, “I shall take my time solving you. But tonight I will uncover all I can, taste every part that is you until I have my fill.”

His mouth would find her neck first, his mustache tickling her skin while his tongue ran along her pulse, tasting her as he’d promised. His teeth would suckle then, leaving her gasping as he marked her, the first of many such brands he’d leave all over her.

In the morning she’d ask him to place a glamor on the ones visible just so they weren’t flaunting themselves too much and he’d sigh and grumpily do so. “Not all of them my dear, I feel I’ve earned the right to remain for you to remember.” He’d say after a wave of green magic settled over her skin erasing the little purple marks.

Mystery would shake her head and smile, kissing his chin and giving it a quick nip. “As if I could forget.”

She couldn’t keep thinking about those nights, these memories. She’d just crumple onto the floor and Manfred was right there hovering and making tiny little erratic, nervous noises. Rook gripped the handkerchief tightly and sat up straighter, turning to the gem eyed skeleton. “Manfred, Emmrich has gone on a trip, but that doesn’t mean you are getting out of your lessons.”

Manfred nodded. “Left…with Rook.” He said.

She gave a watery smile. “Yes, he left you with me. So tomorrow we will start on your lessons, okay?”

“OK” The skeleton replied, seemingly feeling better about things.

Rook found it so strange how you could tell when Manfred was smiling when he was literally a skull. But she could at this point. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Good…I think I need to take a nap for a while, why don’t you go back to reading the tome for tomorrow’s lesson?”

Manfred nodded and headed back to his chair and the book that was still there. Rook watched as he picked it up and started his studying again. Mystery placed the letter on the bedside table and then curled up in the bed only wincing a little at the pain in her chest. That pain was nothing compared to what she now felt but hopefully it would all heal in time.

She only hoped that Emmrich would let her know he was okay or better yet be back sooner than later. Any other outcomes she wouldn’t let take root in her mind or heart.

[returnofthelightt]

Hasta & The Final Girl Trope In Horror Films: A (Mini) Analysis

Here on this post, I wanted to make a short analysis on how I think Hasta connects to the The Final Girl Trope.

☆ Please note that the Final Girl Trope actually has evolved. The trope characters are not what it used to be, I will be going back to the original origins of this trope.

☆ In addition to the Hasta Nakshatra, I found that many of the women playing have Mula, Revati and Mrigashira as well. My research today only focuses on Hasta but please note it is not limited to this Nakshatra only.

☆ Many of these references that are used are personal opinions and theories. If you do not agree or have a different opinion I would love to hear it! But please be respectful in doing so.

The Final Girl Trope

The Trope Itself

Before diving deeper into the hasta Nakshatra, let’s look at the ‘Final Girl’ trope description.

The final girl in movies is usually the last person standing or is the only woman that can make exit in the movie. They are usually described as being the virgin or sexually unavailable, refraining from sexual activities, as well as alcohol and drugs. Additionally, many of the Final girls portrayed had Brunette her instead of Blonde (blonde characters - specifically women, were perceived as highly promiscuous). If not all the time, most of the final girls are known to be more intelligent or at least carry smarter decision-making. They are the first ones to sense that something is ‘off.’ As mentioned before, Hasta’s sign of Virgo, is ruled by Mercury (Mercury exalts in Virgo). Mercury rules human intellect, as it is a combination of the sun (the soul) and the moon (mind). 

If we look at even the basics, the sign of Virgo is ‘The Virgin.’ Virgin women are often stereotypically described along the lines of being pure, innocent, chaste, and so forth.

Additionally, the women have an androgynous appearance - with their names and clothing sometimes being unisex. Claire Nakti in her Hasta Nakshatra video discussed how they manifest their traits through purity and by detaching from male influence. Claire also talks about how “Hasta women like to prove their worth without needing men, as well as female power separated from female appearance/sexuality” (this can be depicted in numerous ways such as their work, appearance and so forth). Hasta picks up all external influences, analyzes them, and discriminates based on their observations. Hasta picks out men and realizes only the divinity is deserving of her.

It’s hard to exactly state if The Final Girl trope exudes the real meaning of feminism, or at least women standing up for themselves against evil. However, I wonder if Hasta’s appearance in these films unconsciously aims to reject the typical views that some males hold of women (i.e. unintelligence), and how his perception of the Final Girl often ends up with the evil male lead having to disappear to avoid being killed or eventually is killed. Claire Nakti also mentioned how many Hasta women are involved in using books or poems to criticize male behaviour, male sexuality the struggles of women opening up, and the promotion of female independence regarding intellect. The Final Girl in the film must use her wit to decipher the situation and defeat the Killer through the use of her hands.

If we decipher Carol J Clover’s book on the Final Girl trope, she does mention how the victims in Slasher films are mostly viewed as women, whereas the evil characters are males. Often these Final Girls are initially stereotyped for the male gaze at the beginning of the film, but eventually, the viewer roots for the final girl to defeat the monster. The woman becomes ‘masculinized’ when she is forced to defeat the monster by utilizing a weapon.

Carol further emphasizes this action while discussing how the killing of the monster/killer can be related to ‘castrating’ the male, which in return eliminates the ‘threat’ to the uterine. The body part that represents Hasta’s is the palm of their hand. The Hasta Nakshatra is known for manifesting outcomes with their hands. In Komilla’s Sutton book, she describes how Hasta can be related to elephants, as they use their trunk as an extra hand to complete their task. I thought this was interesting considering the quote ‘to hold something/someone in the palm of your hand,’ pretty much means you the influence or control of something/someone. The symbolism of the hand of course can be also correlated to their Deity, Savitar - The Sun God. Savitar was known to be skillful with his hands.

In all, I do think Hasta has some correlation with the Final Girl Trope, whether it would be in films or tv shows. I do think there are many of factors (my own personal ones) and others that are discussed in Clover's book. It wasnt that long, but I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! Feedback would be greatly appreciated xx.

[yet-another-deanw-girl]

Chapter 20: Games

She knew for 15 years that this day would come. She knew her destiny had already been written. That her death had been foretold.

She knew she would have to stop him. She knew she would have to kill him. And she thought she was prepared for all of it. But the day she met him she realized how wrong she was…

Set in Season 10

Pairing: MoC!Dean x Female!OC

Warnings: the usual SPN, language

Episode mapping: After episode 17 of season 10 "Inside Man"

Note: The events of this story are following season 10 of Supernatural and are taking place between October 2014 and July 2015. I tried to make sure that all the references to weapons, tech, etc. are accurate with the time period.

AN: This is my first time writing a fanfic but the story has been in my head for too long and it just needed to get out. I hope you like it.

AN: English is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes.

I put the keys of the Jeep on the library table in front of Sam. "I was serious. It's yours." I found the keys on the desk in my room last night after I was back in the bunker. Sam looks at me but before he can protest I say. "Just take it. It's more your size than mine anyways." I smile at him and I quickly change the subject. "I was thinking…" I start.  "You remember the legend of the three tribes?  From the book we had stolen from the museum…  About that hero, that was created, the heir of all three tribes, so he can protect the key locking the great evil spirit? If Cas is right and I was specifically created to defeat The Mark... It's like celestial bioengineering… You know…" I start walking back and forth in the room, trying to sort through my thoughts and to explain my line of thinking. Sam is looking at me with interest and listening to every word. "Maybe…" I continue. "If I take The Mark from Dean, I can resist it! Maybe I can control it! Maybe it will not affect me at all…" "No!" I hear Dean's voice behind me and I turn around. "Dean…" I try to reason with him.

GIF from Pinterest

"No!" He interrupts me. "Not happening!" "Dean, just listen to her! What she is saying… It makes sense…" "I said no, Sammy! I'm not risking it on maybes! I'll not allow someone else to take that burden so I can be free!" Dean leaves the library. "Dean!" Sam yells after him. "We are done discussing this!"

Created with Microsoft Designer

Dean dragged us to some bar. Sam and I are sitting silently near the pool tables while for the last half an hour Dean has been flirting with a petite blond woman at the bar. She is gorgeous. Of course she is… Her short hair is framing her perfect face and she is smiling radiantly at him. I force myself to look anywhere else.  I do not want to see this…  There is no reason for me to give a shit what he is doing… I scroll through my tablet, Sam checking something on his laptop, avoiding each other. Our relationship has improved in the last week or so. He is not so cold and hostile towards me but we have nothing to say to each other. I shared my theory a couple of days ago, when Dean shut down the conversation. There is no point discussing it further. At least not out loud. Not until I have solid proof that I'm right. It's not like I can take The Mark from Dean forcefully. For the previous two days the keys of the Jeep kept showing on my desk and I continued putting them back on Sam's. He knew exactly why I had given them to him and he kept returning them, refusing to accept the inevitable end.  Not today. "Are you two nerds reading in a bar!" Dean asks, making his way back to our table and sitting between Sam and me. "No luck with the ladies tonight?" Sam asks playfully but I can feel him watching me with the corner of his eyes. Well… maybe I was not hiding my 'not caring about Dean's flirting with other women' as well as I thought. "Neah! Nothing of a sort!" Dean smirks. "I just want to spend some time with you two." He hugs as both over our shoulders and squeezes us tight to himself. We both grunt in unison before Dean releases us. "Do I have to use my super charm on you to make you stop scrolling on your tablet?" Dean asks as I continue reading through some old manuscript from The Order's archives.  The idea that The Mark will not affect me seems more and more probable. This thought occupies my mind and I focus all my attention on it, so tonight I'm even more distracted than usual. "Excuse me, miss!" Dean starts and I look away from my tablet, raising my eyebrow, waiting for the rest of his ‘super charm' to show. "It seems I have lost my number. Can I have yours?" I try and fail miserably to stifle my laughter but burst into giggles. Full blown giggles! "Oh my God! Don't tell me this is actually working!" "You will be surprised…" Sam mumbles not looking up from his laptop. "So… A game of pool?" Dean asks me with a mischievous smile. I rarely see him smile like that but when he does his impossibly green eyes are shining. "I don't play pool." I say, declining his offer and returning to my tablet. "Oh! Come on! I will teach you."  He smirks. "I bet you would like that, huh?" I smile at him and wink.  "Oh for God sake! Stop it! That's gross!" Sam complains and leaves for the bathroom. "Is this really working?" I smile at him. "Of course it is! Look at that face! I'm adorable! And don't try to deny it… it's working on you too!" He winks at me with a cocky smirk on his face. "Ah!" I make a gagging sound. Well… the truth is… he is adorable… especially tonight, when it seems he forgot that we are doomed and about to die. "Come on! I'll teach you!" Dean tugs on my arm. "I didn't say I can't play pool, I said I do not play pool."  His attitude is playing on my pride.  I really want to shut his mouth.  And I know that every time I do this I regret it after that because every time it takes me closer to him.  But it feels so good to see the look on his face when he realizes he had underestimated me again. And it seems like tonight he is not the only one wanting to forget about all the shit in our lives. "But I would kick your ass on darts any day." I smirk in return. "Oh, I would like to see you try." "You asked for it…" I say removing the rings from my fingers.

"Let's make it more interesting…" Dean says. "What about a bet?" "A bet?" I raise my brow. "Ok… How much?" "Oh, I don't want your money, princess… There are other things I want from you."  I huff at him for calling me 'princess' and he just smirks at me… again… "Dean! Stop with that stupid act already!" "Why?" He asks. "Don't tell me it is starting to work on you too!" Is he flirting with me for real?  No! He is not!  Don't start imagining things that are dangerous for your sanity!  He is just trying to annoy you! "Hah! In your dreams, Winchester!" "Ok then… If I win… I want a kiss." He smiles widely at me.  Okay…  He is definitely flirting with me… "A kiss? Really?" I laugh but my stomach clenches.  I can not afford this to happen!  No way!  Don't be stupid! Just back down! "How romantic?" I managed to answer channeling all the sarcasm in me to this sentence. "Be careful or you will become a Hallmark poster!" "Do you accept the bet?" I think for a moment.  Fuck!  I can not let this cocky son of a bitch think that I'm afraid of him!  He can not beat me anyway. "WHEN I win…" I start "I will drive the Impala for a week." His eyes widen. He definitely hadn't expected that. Got you! "You are not ever allowed near my baby!" "Ok…" I see my chance. "Then… you will consider my plan to pass The Mark to me… Do we have a bet? Or… you can back down…" I nudge him, going to take the darts from the board. "Driving it is… There is no way you can win anyway…" "What's your game?" I ask him. The confidence showing in my voice this time. This is my dominion… "Let's make it quick." He says. "501?" "Oh! Are you trying to make it easy for me?" I take my place on the line. "Exiting with a double sector at least?" I throw the three darts, hitting the triple 20 every time.  Dean gulps.  I write my score of 321 to go and pull out the darts from the board, handing them to Dean. "I mentioned my cousin, right?" I ask, smiling at his reaction. "The one I grew up with?" Dean nods. "Did I mention he was living in Ireland? And I was there every summer… pub hopping… playing darts…" Dean's eyes widened…

Dean is staying on the line, ready for his throw. If it is up to me, his last throw. I won the first game but Dean convinced me to play 2 of 3. He barely won the second one, opting for playing dirty and trying to distract me with every means necessary. Now we are in the last round of the final game. I need just 4 points, he needs 6.

Created with Microsoft Designer

He is trying to distract me with his bad pick up lines… There is no way I'm losing this game! I'm standing close to him… not too close like he does when it's my turn… but close enough that I'm able to stand on my tiptoes and blow a small gust of air to his ear at the exact moment he throws his dart… and he misses the board entirely. I grab the darts standing on the line. "If you only know all the things I want to do to you…" Dean whispers in my ear standing behind me, trying to distract me again. He is too close and a shiver goes through my spine.  A shiver I try to hide.  A shiver I try to ignore. Damn it! The fucking flirt game is starting to affect me! I throw my dart but it slips slightly in my fingers. It hits the board… the 2end sector… the double ring… I win! "Fuck!" Dean mumbles. "You cheated!" "Did I? I haven't done anything you haven't done yourself." I smile at him looking back through my shoulder. "I'm just better than you at any game." He spins me around and I take a couple of steps back until my back hits the wall. He matches my every step, keeping the small distance between us. "Dean…" I whisper. "I want my prize." His lips, just millimeters from mine, fire in his green eyes.  "A bet is a bet…" I protest but the breath is barely leaving my lungs. "You cheated…" "I won…" He is so close that I can see every freckle on his face.  His hands frame my face to keep me in place, his forehead pressed to mine. "I can not get you out of my head…" He murmurs against my lips.

Created with Microsoft Designer

"Please, Dean… Enough with the games for tonight…" I don't have enough oxygen in my lungs. "I tried… I really tried… But I can't stay away from you…" "Don't do this harder than it already is… Don't complicate it any further…" My words are just a whisper now. He is too close and I don't know how long I can resist this pull. "Harder?" Dean huffs, pulling a little away from me and I can breathe again. "Harder?! Do you know what this is doing to me? Ever since Metatron told me…"  He pauses and panic rises in my chest.  "Did you know?" He looks in my eyes, searching. "Know what?" I tried to lie.  How does Metatron know about it?  How does he know what the prophecy says?  How does he know that I will have to kill the only man I will ever love That I'm destined to fall in love with him? That I am already starting to… "You knew?! It's in the prophecy! Of course it is!" Dean hits the wall next to my head. "Why didn't you tell me? How can you hide something like this?"  I can almost lie to myself that the anger in his voice, in his eyes, is hiding the pain. I'm not that stupid! Yes, the prophecy says that I am supposed to fall in love with him… but to think that he can feel something too… is reckless and dangerous. I stopped believing in naive romantic bullshits years ago!  My heart is ice cold…  My heart is ice cold…  My heart is ice cold! "Why would you care?" My voice is ice cold. "How can you ask me this? Of course I would care! Of course I would want to know something like that! Did you even consider how I would feel about it? That I may…" "Oh my God! I said stop playing games with me, Dean!" I push him away and smile sadly but only for a moment before I scold my features to my perfectly blank expression - my carefully curated mask. "I know how you are! You were all over that blond just half an hour ago! And we both know she is not the first one. So don't try and lie to me. This is just a joke to you!" "No… I…" "It doesn't concern you anyway! This is not about you! In fact it has nothing to do with you!" I push him away from me again and start walking to the door. He grabs my arm but I twirl around calmly saying to him.  "I may have to do what they say… I may have to die how they say… but no 'higher power' says what I am supposed to feel!"  I'm cold…  Stone cold…  Ice cold…  "I'll deal with it when I need to. If I need to. Alone! And I will not bother you with it."

I walk out of the bar pulling out my phone. "Are you still in the States?" I ask my cousin when I hear his voice. "Hello to you too!" "So… Are you?" "Yes I am." "I need to get out of here… Do you need help?" "I actually do." "Drop me a location." I hang up and start the engine of my bike. Pieces of ice are stabbing my heart. I can not afford to feel this! I need some space from the Winchesters…  From Dean…  From my feelings for him that I desperately want to bury. Fuck!  I thought I killed that part of me years ago…  I'm ice cold…  I tried so hard to become the disciplined soldier that I know I need to be… I promised myself that this is not going to happen… that this part of the prophecy will not affect me… Fuck!  I just need to clear my head.  It's all just in my head! A prophecy tells me I should fall for someone and I'm just influenced by that knowledge and I'm starting to imagine feelings…  Yes!  That's it! Right!? I'm ice cold!

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"What was that about?" Sam asks me when I sit back on the bar and slam my fist on it. She was so close… I had her so fucking close… "I'm not talking about it." "Dean, I know something is going on. You have been acting strange around her. I have never seen you like this before. You know you have to be careful with her… I can see you like her… But… You and her… It's not a good idea…" "It is not that simple…" I whisper with a sigh. "I… It's… She…" How can I explain to my brother the things I'm feeling when I'm around Emilia? The inexplicable pull, the confusion, the jealousy when she is speaking to someone else… The quiet in my head when she is around… The Mark staying silent for a moment… "She is my soulmate, Sammy." I finally breathe out the truth I was hiding for months. "Metatron told me she is my soulmate… And… And it turns out she knew about it this whole time! And she didn't care to mention it!" "Wait… what?" "Yeah… The Fates are some cruel bitches…" Sam looks at me with wide eyes. He is shocked, and that's understandable, but there is something more in his expression that I can't decipher… Relief? Like he finally found an explanation to something that was bothering him… "How sure are you that Metatron wasn't lying to you? He does that… a lot… you know." "He is not lying about this. I can feel it, Sammy." "But soulmates!?" "I can't explain it… But I can feel it… It's like this… I don't know… Like a constant pull to her… Like I can not get her out of my head… And when…" I hesitate for a moment but I decide I can't keep this a secret any longer… That I just need to say it out loud. "When she's around it gets… quieter…" "What gets quieter? The Mark?" I just nod. "And you are sure that she knows?" "Oh… she knows…" I can see the gears working in my brother's head. He is trying to figure out how to use this new information to save me. "Well… that explains a lot… But what does it mean exactly?" "I… I really don't know…"

Chapter 21 - Coming soon

||The Prophecy Series||

[trunyok]

Evil Monkey AU and JTTW AU where Wukong escaped the punishment from the Buddha.

Disclaimer: in the future some details may change. I read jttw a long time ago and because of this could have forgotten some of the details.

This AU begins at the time when Sun Wukong was captured by the heavenly troops, thanks to Erlan-shen, after a commotion in the heavenly palaces.

It was also not possible to execute the monkey, and attempts to "smelt" the elixir of immortality ended in utter failure. But this time Wukong manages to get out of the oven a little earlier than in the original book, thanks to Taibai Jinxing ('Great White Golden Star'), who decides to help him, but oh his own terms. One of the terms is that after the escape, Wukong will not leave his cave on the mountain of "flowers and fruits".

Reluctantly, the Monkey King agrees and so that the people from the heavenly palaces would not notice the loss, Taibai Jinxing poured the elixir of immortality and a few other things that he had prepared in advance in order to simulate the death of a monkey.

Sun Wukong returned to his cave but he couldn't accept that he had lost so shamefully, so he decided to wait for the right moment to take full revenge for his disgrace to everyone in the heavenly palaces in the future.

So 500 years passed until he found out about the Tang Monk, who was chosen by the goddess Guanyin herself, so that Xuanzang personally went to the Buddha for books to the West and brought them to China.

The Monkey King realized that this was a great opportunity for revenge, so he was determined to kidnap the unfortunate monk.

The Monkey King found a monk who, as usual, got into some kind of trouble. Wukong decided not to interfere and watch him for a bit longer. Wukong is a master of transformations, so it was easy for him to follow the monk unnoticed.

As the days passed, the Monkey King began to understand why the Tang monk had such bad luck, and also noticed that after overcoming the trials, he had a sacred aura. Wukong decides to wait a little longer for this aura to strengthen.

When the monk has already had 3 disciples, the Monkey King finally decides to act.

He gets into a fight with 3 apprentices and defeats them. The students barely survive by running away.

Wukong knew after observing that the monk was also guarded by the spirits sent by Guanyin, so he immediately threatened them that if at least one of them left the monk and tried to report the situation to the goddess, he would kill them and Xuanzang without hesitation...

And that's it for today! Thank you for taking the time to read!

[chronotsr]

Pre-G1 Modules, part 4B - The Judge's Guild Roundup Completed

Oh. Oh we're still doing this? It won't end? Gods. At least we made it to 1978. Anyway, happy eclipse to every. Reminder: the people who run Judge's Guild now are full-on nazis, do not buy their books. Go hug your loved ones instead.

The Thieves of Fortress Badabaskor (1978)

Maybe I was too hard on the Prince Valiant-ass artstyle. It looks very proud for a bandit fortress, don't you think? The full color version that comes out later is even nicer -- it's the one you find on google images first. Anyway. Fort Badboybaskaur was founded by ''The Emperor of Glorious Doomfire''. It truly was the era of so-bad-its-good naming! The fort was built so that if raiding happened, the many small villages could congregate there for safety. Only, it turns out there was a red dragon underneath. And then that got resealed. And then an evil demigod took over. And then bandits took that over.

I read this section like five times and for the life of me I cannot find a prophesy here. They just kind of say it because it sounds cool. The prose in this hand out is, really really rough, it's a lot of proper nouns and moral history tropes -- empire becoming successful and spawning evil religion yada yada yada. The proper noun addiction is strong with this one, we get quite a few undefined proper nouns here. He's another classic: "Zanaaphic the All-King of the Spirit Universe". I have so many questions! None of which will be answered. "Angall of the Perpetual Void" Wow! Those are some neat nouns! The net effect, however, is there was a really skilled evil wizard who got confronted by a god, beat him, and by defeating him became a four-armed dragon-skinned bat-winged magical null. He does up to 16 pips of damage with his silly flails!

So the cover image is lying a little bit about the fortress. In both of the presented maps, there is no cool rampart that you have to slowly siege, there are mountains both in front and behind the fortress, and there are way more than three turrets. I am actually a little fond of this keep layout-wise, it's less cramped than the Keep on the Borderlands is. Naturally, it sits at the foot of Mount Deception.

It's a nice little fortress, no? I would recommend getting a modern copy of the map if it wasn't for the ownership sucking ass in an extreme way. Plus, having dungeons under your keep on the borderlands seems like a great idea, actually. Or, shit, having a rival keep on a rival borderlands sounds kinda rad. Anyway, the room by room is pretty rote. The exterior rooms are mostly just services you'd give to anyone walking in, but the real juicy stuff is all kept inside the mountain walls. We've got your usual suspects. Guard captain, bossman, bossman's terrible wife (and the wife is legally required to be evil because male writers), pawnbroker, human trafficker, tavernsssssss, gemcutter, blacksmith, et c. Some of the names are okay, "Hole in the Hill Inn" run by ogres was really funny to me, I would change them to hill giants to complete the joke.

The dungeon has an interesting conceit where there are some generic "alternate rooms" in the back of the book that come with a blank room number that you can swap if you dislike the default room contents. I'm really in favor of this mindset. I have thought for a while that it'd be kind of nice for adventure books to be shipped in some sort of editable capacity? Like if I wanna do open heart surgery on a floor of a dungeon, but I like the other 4 floors, it'd be nice to keep it in the original format instead of having the adventure book and then some loose-leaf with the changes penciled in. Tragically, the alt rooms are overwhelmingly just monsters in a room, with the outlier being a wererats with a little kidnapping scheme.

Underneath the fortress there are five levels, one is actually above ground level and in the cliff face behind the keep, and the third level leads to the surface via caves. Neat! I'm kind of imagining Gerudo Fortress here on a lot of levels. Here's a quick skim of the best contents:

There appears to be a little rat treasure hoard where the rats have to pay their dues to their little rat kings? What's going on here is kind of unclear to me, but I can't help but imagine one of the guards trained the rats to hide money in the walls for him and the ten rats with silver formation are a kind of animal-passcode.

A chest trapped with some sort of reverse truth serum -- it removes your ability to speak, see, or hear for a week if you open it without permission. Naturally, the chest is decorated with the three wise monkeys 🙈🙉🙊 (and a mysterious fourth monkey the text implies nothing about, maybe it's Sezaru? Curse of erectile dysfunction!)

The alarm system seems to be gong-based

Oh, I don't like this beholder at all. Ewwww! But also, why is this drawing here? There's no beholders in here? Is this some kind of silly trap for snooping players? In fact, most of the monster illustrations are…kind of just random monsters.

The treasury is booby-trapped to hell and back. We have a standard guillotine trap disarmed with a tile puzzle on the wall, a hell-hound guard dog, and the most prominent magical item is a necklace of strangulation. Rough break! Just go ahead and put all of the treasure on pressure plates with flame jets at that point.

A reverse gravity pit-trap -- you pull a book, you fall through a hole in the ceiling and then it traps you in the ceiling. It's just a pit trap at the end of the day, but way vivid!

A chair made of a dragon's arms and horn that will animate and attack you if you try to pry gems off it or attack anyone

Two wizards are having a battle over who gets to own a trained lizard that can sing and carry heavy loads. I understand guys. That lizard is worth it.

Under a sarcophagus is written "If you can read this, you're too close", as well as some explosive runes

The treasure hoard of a lost king, if you attempt to steal it, will turn into a treasure construct shaped like the king. Awesome!

"A similar cabinet on the north wall is labeled "For Future Imperialists". In the top drawer is a Gem of Brightness, the second is a pair of Bracers of Defenselessness, and in the bottom drawer is a pouch of Dust of Sneezing and Choking." I would fully lean in, make it a Cursed Gem of Brightness that you can't turn off, and put the Bracers in the top drawer if the goal is to prank an evil character into hurting themselves.

A reverse-vampire giant lizardfolk that consumes the unlife from undead. So, Tomb of the Lizard King got beat to the vampire-lizardfolk punch, I guess?

Large swaths of this dungeon genuinely feel randomly generated. The worst parts are about half of floor 2, 3, and about half of floors 4 and 5. It just feels like padding to me. And in true Judge's Guild fashion, there are treasure stores in the temple that are "instantly max your character" amounts of loot. Now I get that shares are a thing and you gotta pay your hirelings, but still, 1.5M gold represents like, even if you're a party of 10 you're still looking at instantly maxing a thief, shooting a fighter to level 8, and shooting a wizard to level 9. And there's no way you were at 0xp when you smuggled that statue out, that's going to be an instant max for just about anyone. The big reveal that I…guess you could conceivably puzzle out? Is that the dragons were nearby because they were minions of a dragon-king entombed under this fortress before it was built. A cool idea, that desperately needs more foreshadowing. The love clearly went into making those tombs cool, so if I was going to rip anything off from this module that'd probably be my second port of call.

Gen Con IX Dungeons (1978)

What a name, right? How come Tsojconth got a name and these dungeons didn't? Blatant favoritism. Well actually one of the two dungeons may as well be called the Halls of Grsk. And, wow, everything about the design notes are ominous. "Simplicity would be the prime requisite". So….does that mean this adventure is boring on purpose, Bob?

The adventure is split into two bits, the player-side info and the gm-side info, which…okay. Sure. The titular dungeon is set in the "Celtic mythos", whatever the fuck that means (Bob, the Celtic cultures covered almost all of Europe and parts of Asia. That phrase is meaningless!). TL;DR the old king's wizard went evil and killed the king, left no one to rule, and then went nuts and much later summoned a bunch of demons to protect his loot now that he's old and dying. The local wizard, Framschamsnaggle (seriously?) bullies you into raiding his tomb to get a staff back. There's a dragon in there and you were handed a teleportation amulet that will zip you out as soon as you get your hands on the staff.

Oh. Oh that's not good. That's a very not good dungeon layout. That's a very bad dungeon layout. And the contents are, as bad. I wonder if it was considered bad at the con itself? I couldn't find a single remarkable thing in this whole dungeon. It is neither weird, nor funny, nor clever, nor interesting. It's 30 random dungeon rooms in a row, with a rare trap that is practically randomized also.

The sole joy I can find in this module is this illustration, which looks like a shitpost.

The second round of the tournament (1st round eliminates) is set in a completely different place, which is more properly called the Halls of Grsk. Almost all of this area is also just, save or suck traps and monsters. There is one trap that's kind of classic and okay -- picking up the giant ruby locks all exits, many red herrings, room starts heating up like an oven. The solution is to smash the ruby, which instantly kills the heating element. It's not amazing (how are you supposed to guess it's a ruby? It behaves like a pressure plate trap but the ruby itself is contact-activated) but it's the least bad thing in here. The portal-that-eats-you prank in particular grinds my gears, the game communicates every possible thing to say it kills you, and by blind faith you go through and is the best solution. Picking up the fake secret item instantly kills you, because fuck you. The fakeout trap's sole hint is "why are there two normal doors on the north wall?" which, it's a points-based dungeon, they're going to assume it's for extra points. Also, the whole dungeon is a massive straight line in disguise. It's a wreck.

Actually, the whole scenario feels like a worse "Tomb of the Lizard King" in a lot of ways, down to the silly rhyme on the last page that gives you a critical clue about how to kill the undead baddie. In a sense it's also like Tomb of Horrors in that way, I guess, but the vibes are a lot more like Tomb of the Lizard King.

Damn it Bob, you made it boring on purpose.

Citadel of Fire (1978)

This is truly one of the dungeon covers of all time.

Is… is that The Golem? I hope Rabbi Loew is available. Or, maybe it's good that he's not in the module, because obviously this construct's creator is going to be evil in this module.

This is the least least imaginative of the Judge's Guild modules in this series. It is, simply a wizard's tower. If you have ever in your life read a wizard's tower module, you've read this one. The JG staples of constant slavery mentions continues with slave girls being in every single damn room of the towers. There's, not really much plot to go on either. There are wizards, the hill is good for magic, they are aligned with the goblins, go chop 'em up.

Sigh. Here's the memorable bits.

Nearly out the gate, we get one of those paragraphs that you would hope would be so obviously bad to the writers that they would second guess the decision. Why the actual hell did you stat out some 200 nearly identical goblins manually?

What is that and when do I get a bestiary entry for them? That's not a joke, the module never mentions what this is and now I want this Weresalazzle in my adventures.

The vague allusion to "Shabast", which are apparently a species of people who are intelligent clouds? But only sometimes.

A variety of pens for animals the wizards are working on, which include an Irish deer, a jackalwere, a baby lammasu, a giant slug named Skippy, some orcs, man-eating apes, an elephant, and a hydra

For…some reason there's a tavern on the 2nd floor of a dungeon. In the lightest defense of the module, at least the 2F has a surface access and no pre-programmed encounters between here and the tavern (random monsters thoooo). The owner sleeps with a new person every night, highly critical detail.

?????????????????????

OK so many rooms later there's a pyrohydra with a toothache. Mystery solved, that's why there's a magical dentist!

I hesitate to complain, but after multiple dungeons with 100k+ gold rewards, this dungeon's treasury having roughly 11,000 gold in it feels like an anticlimax. The fact that it's protected by that pyrohydra and electrified locks adds insult to injury.

This is a joke, right? That's your final floor? Anyway, this is just The Demon Floor. There is more treasure here than upstairs, which is a little strange given that the demon serves the wizard and not the other way around.

So on the whole, deeply shit. In conclusion, Early Judge's Guild leaves a lot to be desired. Next time we will -- wait, am I free? There's no more pre-G1 modules? I get to finally do TSR shit and leave this mire?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (edit: I was half-right -- there was one more pre-G1 module, but it was TSR!)

[silverspleen]

Reading the first Mercenary Librarians book for book club (Deal with the Devil by Kit Rocha), which is very funny, we usually do loose month themes and I'm guessing this month's theme was romance (I missed the reveal I was at ski week) because this is shelved in scifi but it's clearly a romance book, written by a romance author duo, it has that sort of particular world and character building and dynamic that romance novels do (this is not a bad this it's just very. Telling? The conventions of the genre you see) and is VERY spicy. But of course my stupid ass, who is a romance book reader, did that thing that I do literally every romance book series where I get super attached to the secondary slow burn couple who clearly is going to get together during a later book. Like uhuh yeah ok instant chemistry main books one couple suresure but tell me more about the two characters who are like. Staring longingly at each other and having meaningful moments but not touching due to their Tragic Backstories.

Like oh my god I am so predictable.

Anyway yeah I got the second book (digitally because I am on quarantine!) and they don't even bone until like almost the very end of the book and then it immediately careens into whump and ooooough yeah baby that's what I like to seeeeee. Tell your love interest that you'll never be used against her while you're being tortured and dying from your supersoldier brain implant!!!! Which she later has to save you from!!!! I love to see that shit!!!! Who cares about book one smouldering insta-attraction betrayal-angst when I can have the slow buuuuuuuurn I want them to brush shoulders during training and both need to go away to their private rooms to swoon and angst.

I'm super curious as to how the conversation will be steered in book club. The romance is very much the driving narrative, paired with a pretty standard "here is the group of bad guys we need to defeat using the power of the connections we've made with our FOUND FAMILY of couples who have gotten together over the course of however many books are in this series" (this time it's Evil Future Company Government) which is feel is pretty typical of most (paranormal) romance I've read.

Not a perfect series but a fun read, at least through books 2 of 3. But also like. As noted I'm insanely biased towards the ship dynamic that the second book is entirely focused on so like. I cannot be trusted in this.

[flaetsbnortoriginals]

Since some time ago I've talked about a random idea for a dungeon that I'd had for a while but don't think I'll be able to do right now, I'll do it again today.

But first, I need to talk about Eternal Darkness.

I first discovered TTRPG when a random guy in my school came up to me and asked me if I wanted to play. We weren't even friends. I don't even know what system it was - looking back, it feels more like one of those Lone Wolf style CYOA books, especially because it was one-on-one. I took that idea to my friends and we created new systems based on that one game, vague ideas from digital RPGs like Final Fantasy and Pokémon, and out of our buttholes.

Since we had no idea for what could be a setting for a RPG, we made them up, usually inspired on videogames. That was how I started playing a one-on-one game with a friend that was basically a TTRPG remake of Eternal Darkness.

Eternal Darkness is a 2002 survival horror videogame for the GameCube. It's mostly known for its sanity mechanic that often messed with the game in a meta way, like pretending to lower the volume or erase the saved files. But my favourite thing about it is that it took place over a very long time. It had four locations that were visited centuries apart by people in different moments of history. A buried temple in the Middle East is visited by an invading Roman soldier, then two millenia later by a Canadian firefighter putting out post-Gulf War fires. This meant that as you progressed the game you'd switch from swords to crossbows to flintlock pistols to assault rifles.

My idea from this is what I call a Time Funnel. A group of adventurers go down a terrible dungeon to destroy an undying evil. They fail. The next group takes a few centuries to show up, but at least they have better technology now.

I'll now proceed to vomit up some of the things I've thought up about this cenario...

I have some ideas about the setting. It would obviously need to be a forgotten island... close enough to shore that even ancient folks might feasibly end up there, but in a remote enough location that it would never become something well-known.

The concept for the evil that needs to be defeated could be:

the last holdout of an an Assassin's Creed-style precursor race

the seed for a very long term alien invasion force

why stray from the source? a temple to an ancient chtulhulesque may be perfectly fine

The rooms that are closer to the surface might become time-damaged once adventurers break into them, so the more you explore the dungeon, the easier time later adventurers will have. But this inverts as the heroes approach the core, as its evil actually becomes stronger when it's released and possibly starts infecting rooms that were previously safe and making defeated challenges come back more dangerous.

I've thought of the time periods as something like this:

Literal cavemen (sticks, stones)

Almost prehistoric (crappy swords, spears)

Ancient era (less crappy swords, bows)

Medieval (good swords, longbows, crossbows)

Age of piracy (fancy swords, flintlock pistols, muskets)

Victorian age (revolvers, shotguns)

Modern age (automatic guns, grenades)

Cyberpunk age (laserguns, drones)

Space opera age (nuke it from orbit)

Oh yeah, an idea I've had is that if the party dies enough times the last party is from a distant future in which the threatening entity has almost awaken, and you are humanity's last hope. So you've got the best technology a perfect future civilization can muster, but the enemies have also become equally powerful. I'm not sure if that kind of shift would work; might be a cool capstone if a campaign lasted that long.

Problems I foresee, however:

This definitively requires a OSR/NSR like system, and I'm not sure how to mechanically differenciate a crappy Bronze Age sword from a less crappy Iron age sword, for instance. Simply adding damage would create a power creep that makes modern weapons too powerful, while tactical advantadges might make the whole thing too complex too quickly.

In a regular funnel, when a character dies, a new one immediately replaces it. But this setting absolutely requires that a character is not replaced until a new expedition centuries down the line. What do the players of downed characters do?

Fine-tuning the difficutly would be paramount, and I'm not good at all at it. Although I imagine erring in the side of too difficult would still result in an interesting name, albeit maybe not a satisfying one.

The setting essentially required that everything happens in the dungeon, with no encounters with friendly NPCs whatsoever to break the tension. I fear that this might quickly become tiresome. Would exploring rooms without breaks still be fun just because now you have a rifle instead of a crossbow? (I do have a related idea in which there is an entire island with factions and stuff, but that's so much more complicated that it's basically a different idea.)

So... a cool idea, not one that I'm confident I could pull of now, or even in the foreseeable future. So instead I post it on Tumblr to throw it out across the winds.

[iamdeltas]

I think the closest any of the "omg they killed off the bad guy how REVOLUTIONARY!!!!!!!" celebrations has ever come to having an actual point is after Infinity Train Book 3. Because it's not remotely revolutionary to have an Unsympathetic Bad Guy get their comeuppance in the end--even shows that redeem some antagonists usually still have one Irredeemable Big Bad in the end--but what DOESN'T happen a whole bunch is having a bad guy with a very sympathetic backstory end up getting worse and get defeated/killed off in the end. It's not remotely surprising to have people like Horde Prime, who's nothing but narcissistic, controlling, and evil, or Belos, who only got less sympathetic the more we learned of his backstory, get killed off. But Simon is a sympathetic figure and we get to see what drove him to making the choices he made. Plus he was IIRC initially just following Grace's decisions. But as Grace started changing her ways, challenging her notions about "nulls" and working to become better, Simon doubled down, got worse, and ultimately died because of it. That's legitimately quite different from what we normally see.

I mean, it doesn't make the subsequent Steven Universe bashing any less annoying, but it is at least slightly revolutionary of an ending for a sympathetic villain.

[therubyreader]

My Review of Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo

See a full list of my book reviews here

*Disclaimer: there will be spoilers later on in the review*

Review Word Count, non-spoiler: 854 Review Word Count Total: 1,582

We're back with the second installment of the Shadow and Bone series! You all have managed to make me a fan of this universe so much so that by the time I'm writing this I just started Crooked Kingdom (I'm reading in publishing order) and I had to force myself to stop because I didn't want to get too ahead of myself before I finished writing all of the reviews for the rest of the series. But do not fret imaginary readers, I will be doing a review of Six of Crows sometime this week while I wait for King of Scars to come off hold.

On to the main event!

Siege and Storm takes us back to Ravka, where Alina and Mal are escaping the country, on the run from the Darkling to keep Alina safe from his control. Of course they are eventually captured and forced to help the Darkling find the sea whip, the second of Morozova's amplifiers, for Alina so that her power can be used to aid the Darkling's evil plan, or whatever. She is rescued by privateer Sturmhond, who originally was working for the Darkling but then claims he's working for a higher bidder and takes her back to Ravka in order to strengthen the Second Army and help defeat the Darkling while also learning more about her powers and forbidden magic (ooo spooky).

As per usual with trilogies, at least in my personal opinion, I almost always find that the second book is the best, it's always the right mix of plot and action. The reader is already well aware of the world that we're in so we don't have to focus on worldbuilding like in the first book, and the author isn't rushing to try and tie up all loose ends into a pretty little bow like what usually happens in the last book. This isn't a complaint, yet (stay tuned for my Ruin and Rising review), but just an observation and after finishing the trilogy I can confirm that the second book is my favorite. I mean, for starters, Nikolai Lantsov beloved, he's been added to my fictional crush list and this is the first time a fictional crush has been added to my list that's younger than me while I'm consuming the source material, though it is only a year-ish, closer to two, but still.

I think my favorite part of this book was that we get to see Alina struggling mentally with the weight of being the Sun Summoner and also how she starts to become addicted to the power of the amplifiers after getting the second one. I feel like books of this nature don't really add in the mental toll that the plot would take on its characters. On top of Alina slowly becoming more like the Darkling we see Mal spiral into depression and self-harm (through fighting and drinking) and just becoming an even worse person than he was in the first book, which surprised me because I didn't think I could dislike him any more than I already did. But at least this time he's being annoying because he's mentally ill as opposed to his regular brand of annoying and bad, so yay justification, I guess.

Another thing I loved was how we see Alina trying her best to be a leader that the Grisha need but she's honestly just winging it and using some advice from Nikolai, which is honestly pretty good advice he should write a self help book. It's realistic, a random girl who up until like a couple of months before was just some map maker in the First Army was suddenly the second most powerful Grisha in the world and expected to lead all other Grisha into war would not know how to be a leader. She is honestly just trying to do her best while slowly losing her mind, and it's realistic, tell me if you weren't in her shoes that you would do better. It's easy to judge from an outsider's perspective but we as the reader have to recognize that Alina just inadvertently killed multiple people, gained an immense amount of power that's making her thirst for more, learning about a new type of dark magic that the Darkling is welding and wants to participate in it, and her closest friend/lover is being an ass to her all while she has to be the leader of all Grisha for the safety of the world, I would also go insane. But that is good writing and a great time to read because these characters, despite their magical powers and titles are just people who make mistakes and are also sometimes not the nicest which makes the book much more relatable and it feels more realistic and immersive.

Overall, this was a great continuation of the series and it was a nice mix of setting up the story and also conflict, the final battle was absolutely insane and also very bloody. I would give this book a doesn't have middle child syndrome and is the best in the series out of ten.

Spoilers Below!!!

I don't think I have much to talk about that requires a spoiler warning since everything I liked about the book could be explained without the need to give any essential plot details but I do want to talk about the love of my life Nikolai Lantsov. First of all, I had a bit of an inkling as to what Nikolai was off doing when I was reading Shadow and Bone when Genya mentioned that he hadn't been at court for years and was apprenticing for a shipwright, a civil engineer, and a gunsmith, which I suspected was a cover up for something cooler, and I was right. He's also such a good dude, Mal should take notes, he was always trying to take care of Alina, never pushed boundaries (except for that one time he kissed her but at least he gave her a warning and more or less accepted her kicking him about it), and respected her choices without throwing a temper tantrum. Refreshing. He is also the funniest character in the book, I'm not going to give any specific quotes since I don't remember whether they were in this book or in Ruin and Rising but just know he had me cackling on multiple occasions.

I did also really like Alina and Nikolai's relationship, though it was mostly one sided in terms of romance (Alina you suck) they were pretty much best friends and I felt proud seeing Alina become friends with more people that aren't Mal (and also Genya but she was in her not a good person era). They genuinely became really good friends which made my heart happy, especially since Alina had at least one person who was being entirely honest with her the whole time and cared about her as a person not just as a pawn in his game.

Also a side note about the cult that the Apparat made surrounding Alina, first of all, so strange, second of all it does really add to the plot because there's another layer of guilt for Alina to feel about how she might not be strong enough to protect all of these people who essentially see her as their personal Jesus (which is a song btw) though Jesus doesn't exist in the universe. The cult adds more pressure for Alina to be the savior of Ravka alongside the everything else pressure which is a nice bit of spice for the plot that makes you feel really bad for her.

Also the fact that the final battle is probably the bloodiest scene in the whole book and the whole thing just happened so suddenly, we're all just enjoying Nikolai's birthday dinner and then out of nowhere a bunch of nichevo'ya crash the party and literally rip the crown prince apart, which like deserved because he sucked, but damn they didn't have to do it so suddenly. The way that all of the death was described too was insane, just bodies everywhere, people being eaten and ripped apart by the nichevo'ya essentially massacring the entire Second Army and a good chunk of the Soldat Sol, it was so intense that it really captured the pure evil of the Darkling. And you don't even get time to mourn your favorite characters, because people just keep dying, as soon as you're like "omg no this character that I grew attached to just died" two lines later it's like "omg not another character that I grew attached to is dying" and it keeps going on like that. Absolutely insane and honestly well written, no matter how bloody it was and sad it made me.

Another thing I wanted to talk about was the last fight with the Darkling which was so insane to me. This girl literally made out with him in order to steal his power enough to control the nichevo'ya, and then it worked??? That whole scene was so strange I honestly don't know what else to say about it but it sure is funny in hindsight, so there is that.

Again, overall my favorite book in the trilogy and I enjoyed almost every page, all the ones that had Mal in them made me mad but it's ok I got over it by the time I finished Ruin and Rising, which you all will see a review for very soon, executive dysfunction be damned.

[reni-reads]

So This Is Ever After by F. T. Lukens

Genre: Queer Romance, Fantasy Romcom

Summary

Arek hadn’t thought much about what would happen after he completed the prophecy that said he was destined to save the Kingdom of Ere from its evil ruler. So now that he’s finally managed to (somewhat clumsily) behead the evil king (turns out magical swords yanked from bogs don’t come pre-sharpened), he and his rag-tag group of quest companions are at a bit of a loss for what to do next.

As a temporary safeguard, Arek’s best friend and mage, Matt, convinces him to assume the throne until the true heir can be rescued from her tower. Except that she’s dead. Now Arek is stuck as king, a role that comes with a magical catch: choose a spouse by your eighteenth birthday, or wither away into nothing.

With his eighteenth birthday only three months away, and only Matt in on the secret, Arek embarks on a desperate bid to find a spouse to save his life—starting with his quest companions. But his attempts at wooing his friends go painfully and hilariously wrong…until he discovers that love might have been in front of him all along.

Review

Sooooo I finished it. And I'm not happy. Let's get to by starting with my biggest gripe, namely

The Characters

who are all really bland and don't exceed their initial stereotypes. Arek is the typical chosen one protagonists who becomes the new king of Eres after defeating the evil wizard. He's sarcastic, dimwitted and brave. Matt, his love interest and sidekick, is the typical booksmart mage. Bethany the beautiful bard is flirtatious and... flirtatious. And beautiful. Sionna is the stoic warrior. Rion is the stoic, virtuous knight. Lila is the thief, so she... likes money. The side characters are cardboard cutouts as well. I would write more about them, but I don't remember a single one by name, except Meredith, who is... Sionna's girlfriend and that's it. The most memorable side character was the wise wizard mentor who nopes out in the beginning and is never mentioned again.

So our merry party is a bunch of one-dimensional misfits whom I did not care about at all. We usually see them interact with Arek, and they all have the same manner of bantering with him, except Rion who was not into wordplay and thus dubbed the slightly boring one. I believe he got the least focus in the book, too. They told me they grew together as a family, but I didn't really get that impression. They were continuously horrible to each other, which I will get to now as I'm moving on to

The Story

which initially sounds promising! Arek and his friends defeated the evil wizard, Arek gets crowned king and everyone becomes a council member fitting to their respective strengths (Bethany is the diplomat, Rion trains the knights, Sionna heads the castle guard, Lila is the treasurer and Matt the court mage). But it turns out that Arek is now cursed and needs to be married before his 18th birthday or else he'll die, so some romantic shenaningas ensue as he tries to woo one of his friends while also grappling with his one-sided love for Matt.

The execution of the story is where it all falls apart though, and that has two main reasons:

1) Arek. A lot of the plot could have been avoided if he had a brain. He's just genuinely stupid and misses important facts even as they are directly told to him. It's not the endearing kind of stupid, it's really aggravating. Furthermore, despite being dubbed "King Arek the Kind" and Matt continuously reiterating how selfless Arek is, he... really isn't? He plots to woo one of his friends (without ever telling them about the curse) and enlists Matt to help him. Im his desperation he really doesn't care who he'll end up with, so he quickly jumps from Sionna (who turns out to be a lesbian) to Bethany (whom, he randomly decides, he embarrassed himself too much to woo her), Rion (who didn't give him any signs) to Lila. And honestly it was Lila where the book lost me completely, because he essentially drugs her so she reveals her heart's desire, which has to be the most selfish thing he could have done (instead of just TALKING to her!). She reveals her feelings for someone else and that's it. He gets a stern talking to and that's it, and he even makes light of it by saying that it turned out fine for Lila so what does it matter that he breached her trust and potentially could have humiliated her???? And Lila even agrees with him! Anyway, after that he woos some random people he doesn't care about because he only loves Matt, but somehow is just too stupid to do anything about it. He was the worst thing that happened to this story, seriously.

2) The Plot. I don't know how it's possible to have so much happen all at once while also not have anything relevant happen at all. So they slay the big bad, Arek becomes king, he gets attacked by snipers, gets cursed, has some diplomatic affairs, Arek concocts his romance plots using a dead princess's diary as a guideline, they get attacked by an octopus, they get attacked by a crow (Lila's pet), Lila gets drugged, they throw a masquerade ball, the end happens. That's a lot for some 330 pages, but all of it is so inconsequential that it felt all pointless! The characters didn't grow from any of this, they didn't learn anything, and each "action sequence" ended with Arek fainting and waking up next to Matt who chastises him. It all felt very disconnected from each other and didn't give me the impression of one cohesive story - it felt a bit like old cartoons with a "monster of the week" gimmick. The octopus attacked, they fought it, it was never mentioned again. Enter the crow, enter the next love quarrel section, nothing matters here! The story was just very inconsequential, similarly to

The Worldbuilding

which honestly barely existed - and the existing parts were stupid. So we're in a vague fantasy world, precicely the Kingdom Ere of Chickpea, which had been ruled by Barthly The Vile One, an evil wizard. There are pixies, fae/elves, giant octopi and other monsters. Apart from that, the world is not described at all so I imagined a generic fantasy RPG backdrop scenery tbh.

Magic users are often discriminated against because regular people fear them - and honestly I get it, because the magic in this world is just super random and unpredictable. The primary magician is Matt, who can practically do anything: Repair stuff, clean stuff, set up magical barriers, turn people into toads (which he often threatened), blast enemies with fireballs, poison his friends with weird flowers, etc. On the other hand we have very rigid magical rules that just exist because. One is the throne succession which can only achieved by killing the previous ruler (thus making Arek the next king since he killed Barthly) and the other is the magical soulbinding law which very explicitedly states that the ruler has to marry before they turn 18 and bind their soul to another. Allegedly, Matt researched those laws to no avail, so our explanation to all the "how?" and "why?" questions remain unanswered. Same goes for the prophecy which basically foretold the entire plot of the book in great detail. The best thing about the prophecy was the allusion to several oracles making up a bunch of prophecies pf varying accuracy, and even having each oracle have their own precision statistics, but here, too, the "how?" is never explained. The prophecies exist and some are accurate and some aren't, but if there are any rules to that - we'll never know. The author needed the laws and prophecies to exist to make the story "work" and that's the gist of it.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, I had high hopes for the book and I'm left disappointed and, even worse, angry. The execution was so lackluster that it was almost offensive - same goes for the writing style in general. The banter was occasionally fun, but it was always the same so it got old really quickly. The Lila thing almost made me throw the book out my window. I just cannot forgive that, no matter how hard the author made her characters tell me how it wasn't that bad. No. It was awful. The characters lacked depth and charme, much less creativity and originality.

So This Is Ever After didn't read like an actual, edited and reviewed, printed book. It read like the fanfics I wrote when I was twelve - and that is NOT a compliment.

Rating

Plot and Storylines: ⭐️

Characters and Relationships: ⭐️

Writing Style and Narration: ⭐️

Setting and Worldbuilding: ⭐️

Entertainment: ⭐️

Overall Rating: ⭐️

It's actually 0/5 stars, if I ever recommend this book to you, know that you've probably greatly wronged me and this shall be my revenge.

[zedxspacess]

Reflecting more NJPW and watching the G1 this year, something finally clicked with me. When AEW talks about "sports-like presentation" or putting in ring wrestling first and telling stories that way, I feel like NJPW has been emulating that energy way more than AEW itself. The parts that I like in AEW, I find more in spades in NJPW. I like Dynamite, but sometimes it can get too promo/pomp and circumstance heavy for me if they aren't doing marquee matches or important promos after a decisive win/defeat. What I usually look forward to in terms of a wrestling show are Collisions, because that's usually the day they book crazy or interesting matches with the more "sports entertainment" segments isolated in the Patriarchy-verse or BBG or HOB verses. And even then, they take their shenanigans seriously, if that makes sense? In New Japan, you still have out there gimmicks and characters like EVIL, Great O Khan, and Gabe Kidd, but they feel sincere. Same goes for Christian Cage, BBG and HOB, they feel sincere and at least try to be creative with their shenanigans too. But then you get acts on Dynamite like the new Elite, Jericho, MJF, who are so tongue in cheek and smarky, who don't wrestle a lot, rely on promos that reference smth extremely online, etc. I'm tired of it. Gabe Kidd is a foul, loudmouth brat who waves the flag of his company like MJF, but somehow his energy is different from Max's where you feel immersed in his character. I can't quite place it or describe it other than a true sense of sincerity and passion that radiates off of Gabe but not MJF, regardless of intention.

The more I think about it, I think modern American wrestling TV can't really do true "sport-like" presentation the same way NJPW or NOAH does because of it's weekly format. Old ROH was pretty close to that at times and it wasn't weekly for a long time. I think in modern days, CMLL is the closest to a weekly western sports-like wrestling show, but even then, they have their own quirks like heel refs and nebulous rules not being enforced. When Ospreay first came in and had his feuds with Bryan and Swerve, the way he approached it felt like something from NJPW. His character is very sincere, the stakes were simple, realistic, but managed to be emotional as seen with Swerve. Which is why I've been disappointed by the MJF feud until the very end where Max blurts out his insecurities or the debate over the "feeling" of AEW that were mentioned at the very beginning, but were sidelined by the whole America vs UK thing.

DGMW, I still like promos and the pomp and circumstance of American wrestling, I like the variety and creativity it provides; the Toni Storm-Mariah feud is an amazing example of it. And out of all the mainstream American wrestling shows, I'll choose AEW over the other ones. But if you're trying to market your promotion as a "sports-based" pro wrestling show, but your matches have distractions and interferences and run-ins from a lot of different groups...then be honest with yourself. NJPW only really has one faction that does DQs and interferences and a lot of people don't like them: House of Torture. It used to be the Bullet Club's thing to do that, but even the War Dogs have taken up the honorable villain approach to matches now, aside from the stray "Gedo hands David Finlay a weapon" or "Gabe Kidd low blows you" moments. Those are starting to become even rarer too.

[astriiformes]

@specialagentartemis replied to your post:

I did not know there was Legolas Age Discourse so heck yeah go off

@flugtm rplied to your post:

I have so little knowledge beyond a general excitement of "the movies were very cool" and scraping info from tumblr, I would love to hear the Legolas discourse

Okay, so there's actually several different types of Legolas discourse (age/hair color/ancestry being the big ones) because he's the member of the Fellowship that Tolkien developed the least, in part because he was originally going to have Glorfindel be the elf member of the Fellowship, before deciding that Glorfindel was too powerful, and since the Fellowship was going to be a subtler operation, they actually needed an elf with less experience and notoriety (something which is very relevant to my opinions on Legolas' age!!)

As a result, we have canon birth years for every other member of the Fellowship--except for Gandalf, because he's been around for most of the existence of Middle Earth. But Legolas has definitely not been around that long. Even the people who skew older for him generally give him a birthdate in the Third Age (or after the Last Alliance of elves and men defeated Sauron but failed to destroy the Ring) because elves older than that are usually attested as such in some of Tolkien's other writings, like the Silmarillion. There's also the fact that Mirkwood's forces, lead by Oropher (Legolas' grandfather) got extremely fucked up during the Last Alliance, so it really feels like if he'd been around for that, Legolas might have had a thing or two more extreme to say about Sauron during the quest.

This is where the Age Discourse begins. Part of the problem is that there was a movie tie-in book that listed Legolas as being born in year 87 of the Third Age (TA 87), which would make him 2931 during Lord of the Rings. This is not an impossible age! But it's not a canon one either, contrary to how entrenched it became. They made it up.

I don't think that Legolas was born in TA 87. First of all, like I mentioned before, the forces of Mirkwood got absolutely wrecked at the end of the Second Age, and I really don't think that Thranduil would have had a kid so soon (by the accounting of elves) after like two-thirds of his people, including his father, were killed and the kingdom was sent into what must have been chaos. Second, I don't think that Legolas is older than Elrond's kids -- which considering Elladan and Elrohir were born in TA 130 and Arwen was born TA 241, pushes him younger than the movie tie-in date.

And then there's the thematic reasons I think he's younger.

Several other people have written some really great analyses on the idea that youth is one of Legolas' defining characteristics--despite him being the second oldest member of the Fellowship by any reckoning, which is an interesting idea in and of itself. I really like this one by Michael Martinez and this one (which delves into some other questions about Legolas) by Tinw. The fact of the matter is, Legolas acts really differently from most of the elves we see in Tolkien's works. He often comes of as more idealistic and optimistic, and occasionally even somewhat naive--but at the same time, grew up in Mirkwood, which was under a constant onslaught by the forces of evil for either all or most of his life, so it's not that he hasn't experienced hardship or danger. They are, however, characteristics one could potentially attribute to youth.

There is a lower bound to how old he is. At one point Legolas makes a comment about the leaves in Mirwkood having fallen 500 times since the Meduseld was built, in a way that implies he saw all those times. So at minimum he's 500. Probably a little older. But I am personally in the camp of him being about 500 to maybe 800 years old at the maximum, definitely shy of 1000.

And in the end the big reason is the themes!! Lord of the Rings is a story about unexpected heroes, not about the most powerful or experienced people in the world triumphing. A 500-800 year old Legolas--still considered a young adult by the standards of his people, with an idealism that many older elves no longer have-- fits much better in that picture of the Fellowship and the other heroes of LotR, alongside a number of other characters who are fairly young by the standards of their people. After all, Tolkien, literally created Legolas to be a less powerful, experienced character. Having him be young works so well with that!

I feel like there's so many more interesting textual and thematic angels to him being a really young elf--probably one of the youngest elves in all of Middle Earth--but it's not an idea that's caught on as much as I'd like to see in the fandom. I will say that when fics give him siblings, he's almost always the youngest of them, which does edge a bit closer to the theory that he's pretty young, but I'd love to see more works that really explore the idea of him being one of the youngest members of a truly ancient people and the weird identity disconnect that has to give him! Especially as an elf from Mirkwood, the somewhat neglected backwater of the elven realms.

So that's my Legolas Age Take. I could go on a lot longer about why I think it works, but hopefully I have made my case here. I just really love Legolas and feel like there's a lot that can be done with the gaps Tolkien left writing about him, and would love to see people explore what I feel like are some of the more interesting ways to fill them in.

Who wants to hear me infodump about Legolas Age Discourse because I've been dipping into LotR fic again and it's reminding me that my preferred interpretation is not actually that popular, even though it has some legitimate textual support, and it's making me feel like writing an essay.

[lightdancer1]

'And now we turn as events did for the Empire in that day from a Kingdom of Gold to one of Iron and rust':

There are no topics in some ways more ancient in English Classical history than the idea of a decline of the Roman Empire, the ways in which it worked, and how to explain the ultimate implosion of the Western Empire (usually bereft from having to explain what factors specifically made the West unlike the East which remained completely intact to 1204 and resurrected itself for a few centuries after). This book takes one approach at it by starting with Marcus Aurelius and ending with Theodosius I. In this span of time the Roman Empire, the unified bloc around the Mediterranean + Western Europe up to a border surprisingly close to the English-Scottish border underwent some major transformations.

So too did its neighbors, the Germanic tribes underwent consolidation under larger territorial and military blocs like the Quinquegentiani, the Marcomannic Kingdom becoming more powerful in turn. Parthia was overthrown by the Sassanians, who became a far more formidable enemy of both classical Rome and ultimately its medieval successor which they very narrowly failed to kill entirely.

Ultimately one is left to the reality that the Western Empire did fall and some of the ultimate aspects of that fall were indeed laid by both the waves of migrations of barbarians, which can be compared in certain ways to the impact of the Syrian Civil War in modern time. Not in the sense of being hostile invading armies, but in the sense of relatively small groups of desperate people having a knock-on effect all out of proportion to their numbers and one all too vivid.

Too, one is left with the reality that some historians try to claim that the Crisis of the Third Century was exaggerated, which it may well have been to a point and shaded more by comparison with the overly idealized Five Good Emperors. And yet in looking at the Roman Three Kingdoms and the sequence of bloody coups and short-lived Emperors one cannot with a straight face insist that this doesn't count as a crisis. The state corroded in power and only partially rebuilt itself and in the end lost the entire western half of its territory.

Too, one of the most important shifts was both the consolidation of Christianity as a fully separate religion from the equally co-evolving Rabbinic Judaism on the one hand and its ultimate shift, after the Emperor Constantine I the Great defeated Maximian at the Milvian Bridge, to an imperial religion swollen with the power of the Roman Empire. In this it should be noted that Constantine I was not the first ruler to take such steps, Ashoka Maurya did so a long time before him, and that in this regard Constantine represents a pattern that would recur again with Muhammad and the Caliphate and with the Tang Dynasty deliberately promoting Buddhism in China and the Heian era in Japan.

And if the adoption of state power for Buddhism and Islam is forgivable than the Christian version is not something to be uniquely singled out as an evil or a corruption of society (granted this requires Western white people to actually read about the history of Buddhism and the Asian kingdoms that adopted it which is, to say the least, unlikely even when the Internet allows for a starting point there but). The Gibbons thesis that Christianity killed Rome also fails to account for the longevity of the Eastern half, which held together intact until 1204 and rebounded from major crises, including that one, until Mehmed II broke its power with gunpowder. So, ultimately, Constantine I can be seen without being aware of it as the true father of the Byzantine state and the architect of the first steps to the collapse of the West from larger-scale invasions that broke up any ability to retain the Western Empire as a unified sociopolitical unit.

8/10.

[thebibliosphere]

Do you have any thoughts about the 27 chapter method of writing or are there other ones you might recommend more? I’m extremely disorganized and indecisive when writing which is frustrating because I never actually end up making progress. An existing outline method to at least get all of my thoughts down and decide where the story will go (instead of 27 possibilities and nothing concrete) would be extremely helpful but I don’t want a very obvious cookie cutter type story if that makes sense

The 27-chapter method works well for some people, but I'm not a huge fan. It fucks with my ADHD too much because if I map something out and define it as having 27 chapters, then it's got to have 27 chapters, no more, no less. If I realize during the writing process that the plan isn't going to be executed the way I envisioned it, so help me, god, my brain will derail this entire thought train, and there will be no survivors.

It was a problem I frequently ran into when redrafting the first Hunger Pangs book, and my brain melted trying to assign chapters to things. I told my editors at one point, "I can't do this. Can you find where the chapter breaks should go?" and they very graciously took my walls of text and figured out where the chapter breaks should go because it's just not something my brain is good at doing. In fact, it was preventing me from actually writing.

(I suspect that's why I enjoyed the earlier Pratchett books so much. No chapters = no breaking my focus.)

It sounds to me like you're a natural pantser, not a plotter, but you're also (like me) the type of person who needs a liittttle bit of structure to help you keep flying by the seat of your pants or the momentum drops off, and you get bogged down in the wrong details.

The way I do this is to basically sit myself down and figure out the A to Z of the story, write down a list of things I Absolutely Want to Have Happen that I set into stone, and then kind of start listing things off like bullet points. Like this:

So top of my page is the starting goal, what do I want to have happen? I want my Blorbo to go on an adventure. Why? To... defeat the Evil Blorbo!

That is basically as simplistic as you can get. Some people don't need to get that simple, but sometimes setting it down on paper really helps, especially when you're prone to getting stuck in other details that don't progress the plot.

Next, I list out the core things I want to happen that are set in stone. So things like: -Blorbo's parent dies. -Blorbo meets the ragtag band of adventurers who teach them to survive. -Blorbo gets a sword that is integral to world-building. -Blorbo gets a scar as a sign of both the physical and psychological changes that have affected them. -Evil Blorbo gets their ass kicked.

Those things are set in stone like milestone markers and I will usually try to make them hit certain narrative beats for whatever genre I'm in, though not always. Sometimes a cool sword is just a cool sword.

Next, I move on to figuring out how I get to those points.

This is when I start writing the plot out as a laundry list:

PART ONE

Blorbo wakes up on the farm one day. It is a [descriptor] day. How does Blorbo feel about this?

Blorbo and their dad have a meaningful and deep conversation that will make the reader instantly hate you for killing him off in the next ten pages.

Blorbo meets up with their friends. Character building and perhaps some world-building ensues.

An EVENT of some sort happens, and CHAOS ensues.

PARENTAL FIGURE eats shit and dies.

Blorbo is thrust out into the world.

Blorbo on the road: shit is terrifying, and they really wish this adventure was happening to someone else.

And so on, so forth.

I make a point not to number any of these individual parts, as it helps me to move them around if I need to without feeling like I'm breaking up some set-in-stone order. If you want to try and break your list up into Parts to follow conventional story arcs, you can do that too.

But you can also leave that until the end if you like. As I said, I split my stuff up into chapters and parts during the editing phase.

There's no one right way to do this.

I also try to keep the list vague, as if I personally go into too much detail during the plotting stage, I lose interest in actually exploring the narrative details while writing. Because fuck me I guess.

Don't worry if the above is too vague for you. Nothing is stopping you from going back to those bullet points and expanding on them later if that works better for your creative needs.

The main goal right now is just getting from A to Z and listing out the steps so that you have a roadmap to find your way before you get distracted. It really is just sometimes helpful to say "Character does X" so you can move on and keep plotting until you have the vaguest of outlines which you can then expand on further if you want to.

After I've bullet-pointed my way from start to finish, I'll maybe go back and identify some areas in the story where I should be hitting certain genre beats, but otherwise, I'll just start writing and see what fits where.

Some people are likely screaming at how simplistic and undetailed that is, but again, everyone's creative process is different, and it's really just about playing around until you find that one that works for you.

I've tried just about every "how to write" guide out there, and in the end what works for me is a bastardized amalgamation of all of them.

I can't be a true panster, but nor can I be a detailed plotter.

I absolutely cannot think of things in strict chapter outlines or I will get overwhelmed. But breaking them up into parts is fine.

I also have to remind myself that sometimes when you are writing, a better solution will present itself and this does not mean the whole project needs to change/you need to start over.

The destination is still the same, and you will likely still hit many of the same points along the way. It's just now you might be taking a detour, and thankfully, you don't have to redraw the whole map. You can just follow the signs marked "diversion," which thankfully, you can also control because all of this is within you control.

Even when it doesn't feel like it.

I hope some of that is helpful. I'm still trying to work out how to explain how I do things in a clear manner. So I apologize if this isn't helpful 😅