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nellasbookplanet · 8 months ago

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Book recs: Queer fantasy, part 1

A note: queer here does not necessarily mean “guarantee of an f/f or m/m ship with a happy ending”, but rather simply a significant presence of queerness. Some of the books feature no romance but has a same gender attracted/trans/a-spectrum lead, or features an m/f relationship with bisexual, trans or aro/ace characters, or simply features a world-building which is heavily queer inclusive in ways that don’t always compare to our own ideas of sexuality and gender. I have however disqualified works where the only queer presence is along the lines of “gay best friend” or a blink and you’ll miss it confirmation that never comes up again.

For queer sci-fi recs, click here! For a masterpost of book rec lists, click here! For more details on the books recommended here, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites!

The Spear Cuts Through Water by Simon Jimenez*

AKA the book the killed me. Two boys travel throughout their land with the body of a god as her horrible, horrible children try to hunt them down. It’s hard to explain more than that, but trust me when I say the narrative voice and literary techniques are incredibly unique in how they blend past and present, reality and story, lead and bystander. Truly an experience. Features an m/m romance.

The Unbroken (Magic of the Lost series) by C.L. Clark*

Tourraine, who was stolen as a child and trained as a soldier for the empire that conquered her home, is recruited by Luka, the future leader of the conquering country, to root out a rebellion. A game of twisted loyalties and attraction is soon to develop as the two must decide where their priorities lie: with each other, or with their respective countries and people.

Sing the Four Quarters (Quarters series) by Tanya Huff*

Though a royal by birth, princess Annice renounced her throne to become a bard, a musician who through training can Sing elemental spirits to do their bidding. Ten years later, she goes on the run for two counts of treason, first by imperiling the succession order by becoming pregnant, second by helping her ex, and the father of her child, escape the palace dungeons and a death sentence. Bisexual lead in an f/f relationship. When I first read this book I described it as, and I quote, 'a fucking delight', and I stand by that.

The Unspoken Name (The Serpent Gates duology) by C.L. Clark*

The sort of portal fantasy you get when all the worlds connected by portals are fantasy worlds, and none of them are ours. The portals themselves become simply a part of the worldbuilding that the characters use to travel between fascinating places, and it’s all really cool. It follows Csorwe (lesbian orc assassin whom I love), who grew up in a cult, indoctrinated as a child sacrifice to a god. But on the day she was meant to die, she instead chose to follow a powerful wizard and train to become his loyal servant and sword. Aside from being an excellent fantasy, it’s also a close look at the hard path of unlearning indoctrination and the search for love and validation where you’ll never find it, and learning to live for yourself. Multiple queer leads.

The Jasmine Throne (The Burning Kingdoms series) by Tasha Suri

A princess held captive by her own brother, who wants to see her dead, tries to trick a servant into helping her escape, but with undeniable attraction growing between them and the servant having her own goals of liberation things quickly get complicated, both between them and in the country at large as rebellion and dangerous magic brews. Sapphic romance.

The Priory of the Orange Tree (The Roots of Chaos duology) by Samantha Shannon

Queen Sabran's lineage has protected the country of Inys from dragons for a thousand years, but now the safety of their land is threatened as Sabran is yet to conceive and assassins are closing in. Lady-in-waiting Ead is secretly part of a society of hidden mages, and is using her position to protect her queen. Meanwhile, on the other side of the sea, dragonrider Tané is faced with an impossible choice. The fates of all three are intertwined as they attempt to stop the rise of a great dragon. 800+ page epic fantasy. Sapphic romance.

The Raven and the Reindeer by T. Kingfisher*

Young adult, fairy tale retelling of the Snow Queen. When Gerta's friend Kai is stolen away by the evil Snow Queen, Gerta must depart on a mission to save him. On the way, she encounters, among others, a talking raven and a pretty robber girl who become her allies. Sapphic romance.

The Rise of Kyoshi (Kyoshi duology) by F.C. Yee*

Young adult. Set in the Avatar universe, but aimed at an older audience than the animated series. Though she will one day be one of the most well-known avatars of the land, for now, young Kyoshi is but a humble girl who has yet to find out her true destiny as the bender of all four elements and keeper of balance of her world. When betrayal strikes and a dear friend is lost, Kyoshi goes on the run alongside fiesty firebender Rangi to find out the truth of her destiny and power. Sapphic romance.

Legends & Lattes (Legends & Lattes series) by Travis Baldree

Viv is tired of adventures and bloodshed - now she wants a peaceful life, and decides to go after it by opening a café. But going from warrior to small business owner is easier said than done, especially when Viv's old life comes knocking. Best described as a cozy fantasy, with a largely low-stakes but heartwarming plot and a sapphic romance.

Phoenix Extravagant by Yoon Ha Lee

Gyen Jebi is an artist, but making a living is difficult. When offered a job by the Ministry of Armor to paint the magical sigils that animate their automaton soldiers, they have little choice but to accept. But as Jebi sees the dark depths of the government, especially the shocking source of their magical paint, they must find a way to resist. Perhaps by freeing the Ministry's mighty automaton dragon... Nonbinary main character.

Crier's War by Nina Varela

Young adult. Who says sci-fi has monopoly on robots? In Crier’s War, artificially created automae have defeated and subjugated humans, who live as second class citizens. Young Ayla goes undercover as a servant, meaning to assassinate automae girl and Sovereign’s daughter Crier. This would be easier if the two weren’t quick to develop feelings for each other.

Black Sun (Between Earth and Sky trilogy) by Rebecca Roanhorse

In a pre-columbian inspired world, sea captain Xiala, gifted with an unusual connection to the sea, travels with a mysterious scarred and blind passenger toward a dangerous goal as prophecy heralds the return of a god. Features among others bisexual and nonbinary leads.

The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin*

In a world regularly torn apart by natural disasters, a big one finally strikes and society as we know it falls, leaving people floundering to survive in a post apocalyptic world, its secrets and past to be slowly revealed. We follow a mother as she races through this world to find and save her daughter, stolen away by a father who just murdered their son after having discovered a terrible secret of their family. Does feature multiple queer characters and a main polyam relationship, but DO NOT read this expecting happy queer relationships as this series handles many dark subjects (you should still read it though, it's incredibly good).

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan*

Young adult. Kids who can walk between our world and a magical one get recruited into a magical school that trains them to be either fighters or diplomats. Our lead decides that fighting is stupid and that he’s going to peacefully solve every conflict ever, all while being the most delightfully obnoxious little brat possible and getting involved in the most bisexual love triangle imaginable. Very good, funny, and heart-felt coming of age story.

Our Bloody Pearl D.N. Bryn

A siren who’s been held captive by a pirate is freed, but too injured to survive on their own as their tail has become paralyzed. Another pirate captain decides to help them out and has to work to win their trust. Fairly fluffy and light on world-building and plot (though there is a bit of a revenge story in there), with a focus on character and recovery. m/nb romance with an asexual love interest.

A Master of Djinn by P. Djél�� Clark

Set in an alternate 1910’s steampunk Cairo, where djinn and other creatures live alongside humans. We get to follow an investigator as she races to catch a criminal using a powerful object to control djinn and stir unrest. Fantastically creative and fresh, and also features a buddy cop dynamic between two female leads as well as a sapphic romance.

Black Water Sister by Zen Cho*

As a toddler, Jessamyn Teoh left Malaysia. Now a young adult, she’s broke, closeted, and moving back. There she’s faced with the ghost of her estranged grandmother, Ah Ma, who was a medium and avatar of the deity the Black Water Sister in life. Now she demands Jess' help in exacting revenge against a gang boss that offended her god. Meanwhile, all Jess wants is to get her life back on track.

Heaven Official's Blessing (Heaven Official's Blessing series) by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

Once, Xie Lian was the beloved crown prince of a kingdom. Then he rose to godhood at a young age, and was expected to take a step back from his land and his people, but in his inability to do so ended up losing everything. Now, eight hundred years later, Xie Lian has ascended to godhood for a third time, forgotten by mortals and the laughing stock of Heaven. Trying to rebuild his reputation, Xie Lian sets off on a mission, and on it encounters an infamous demon king who inspires fear in all of heaven. M/M romance.

Jane, Unlimited by Kristin Cashore*

Young Adult. Jane is invited by an old acquaintance to an extravagant gala in an island mansion, stranding her among the rich and glamorous. But being surrounded by rich people is the least of Jane’s problems: the mansion is housing secrets, some of them tied to Jane’s own family. The mansion offers her five choices, all of them leading her down different paths and different answers. Jane, Unlimited is a choose-your-own adventure story of sorts, featuring five different endings in five different genres, each more off the wall bonkers than the next. It also features a bisexual main character!

Every Heart a Doorway (Wayward Children series) by Seanan McGuire*

A tumblr favorite, the Wayward Children novellas feature a school open to children who have returned from adventures in other realms and now have trouble adapting back to regular life. Some installments are set in our world, others follow children as they have their otherworldly adventures. The main characters vary between books, but are generally pretty diverse with among others asexual, trans, intersexual and sapphic leads. Both funny and dark, it takes a closer look at the trauma many endure growing up different.

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern*

Surreal and fairy tale-esque, The Starless Sea is stories within a story, following graduate student Zachary as he finds a strange book which, in-between other tales, tells a story from his own childhood. Trying to find out how this came to be, Zachary gets involved with a pink-haired woman and a handsome man who are doing their utmost to protect a strange, otherworldly library available only through magical doors. It’s a book hard to put in words, but which I once described as “romantic without being a romance while stile having a love story at it’s core”, and which can be summed up only as “an Experience”. It’s also quite gay!

Not Even Bones by Rebecca Schaeffer*

Young adult. Nita isn’t a murderer - technically. She just dissects the bodies of supernatural beings her mother brings home and sells for parts on the black market. But when her mother brings home a still living victim, Nita has had enough and frees him. As it turns out, no good deed goes unpunished as Nita is betrayed, her own nature as a supernatural entity outed as she’s kidnapped and placed behind bars. Now she must find a way to escape before she's sold for parts. Features two aroace leads and a queerplatonic relationship, though it isn’t made textual until book 3 and briefly masquerades as a romance, which is pretty hilarious.

The Last Sun (The Tarot Sequence) by K.D. Edwards

Urban fantasy. Rune Saint John is the only survivor of the massacre against the Sun Court years prior. Now he’s been hired by Lady Judgement to find her missing son, Addam. Alongside his companion and bodyguard Brand, Rune goes on to question Addam's family and business contacts all over New Atlantis, island city and home of the Atlanteans after their original home was destroyed by ordinary humans. But the more he digs, the more Rune finds clues that Addam's absence is connected to Rune's own tragic past. M/M romance.

Gossamer Axe by Gael Baudino

Centuries ago in Ireland, Chairiste Ní Cummen was trained in the secrets of music and magic. But her pride was her downfall, trapping her and her lover in the land of the Sidh. Only Chairiste escaped, hoping to one day win her lover's freedom in musical battle with the fairy that holds her captive. Now she is Christa Cruitare, harp teacher in the modern world and all but resigned to her loss. Until she comes across a great new music: heavy metal. Taking one last chance to win her lover's freedom, Christa sets out to gather other skilled musicians and bring them with her in her final battle. Sapphic romance.

Bonus AKA I haven't read these yet but they seem really cool

Pantomime (Micah Grey trilogy) by Laura Lam

Young adult. On the surface, Gene's life is that of a noble debutante. In reality, she has secrets: she's both male and female, and has magical abilities that hasn’t been seen in an age. In the face of a betrayal from her parents, Gene runs away from home, dresses up as a boy, and joins a circus. Intersex main character.

Ghost Walk by Kay Solo

Maaya Sahni can see ghosts, and does her best to survive in her small isolated town by keeping her head down. But when an entire street full of people is spirited away by faceless specters that scares even ghosts, Maaya must find a way to stop the specters. Lesbian main character.

Swordspoint (Riverside series) by Ellen Kushner

In Riverside, duels are the way to settle disputes, and Richard St. Vier is the undisputed master of the sword - at least until a death is met not with awe but with outrage. M/M romance.

#nella talks books #I'm almost done with the fae rec list too! it should go up some time next week #after that maybe part 2 of queer sf

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bpcr3yes · 1 year ago

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Hello again, lately I've been obsessed with Valeria Garza and I decided to write some headcanons about her because I'm tired of only talking to bots 💀

VALERIA GARZA HEADCANONS (realisct maybe?) (a little subjective??? I don't know)

She is a woman with a strong personality, fearless, focused, stubborn, arrogant.

She is el sin nombré, owner of the biggest cartel in Latina America, she certainly had many women. She has a preference for chubby women, she likes to squeeze, you would probably be an anti-stress ball for her.

I have a lot of doubts about her being bisexual or lesbian (or straight if we could even add that option) but I believe she is a lesbian, a furious one at that, about her relationship with Alejandro I believe she used him (she appears to have a personality narcissistic and manipulative) she used him to get information so her plan could work.

I believe that when she was a soldier in the armed forces, she was totally confident and determined, many men were around her because she was beautiful (and hot) so she had a razor instead of a tongue I believe, she was always shouting insults or belittling men, only with her commanders she was more... well-behaved.

In the interrogation part, we see her tell Alejandro that she didn't take orders anymore, but then you can understand that he was her commander, and she was certainly angry with him.

After she became owner of the cartel, her life became extremely stressful, she doesn't trust any of her men (I think Diego was an exception) she believes if something needs to be done it's perfectly fine to have a woman do it because she thinks men they don't think.

I like to think that she has a trophy wife that she only takes to events like parties, bars and meetings. The wife's only job is to stand there being pretty and not say a single thing.

Now let's talk about this truly passionate woman of ours.

If you are in a long-term relationship (5 or 3 years) she would be completely in love with you. The type of wife who comes home and gives you a long kiss and hug, to make up for lost time.

Every month you go out to eat at a fancy restaurant and then spend the night together. (a long night I can say)

In public, like at events or on the street when you go out together, she rarely shows any type of physical touch, she prefers to remain secret. When she's in the Cartel it's totally different, she makes a point of kissing and grabbing you in front of everyone without caring, she would probably touch you sensually in front of her men but if someone is bold enough to think they can have fun together, She shoots twice. One on the head and the other on the penis.

She is a possessive woman, she would politely (not so politely) ask you to have her initials tattooed on your hip. She would also have a tattoo about you on the back of her neck.

about Family, this part is a little confusing when I create the headcanons. Most of the hcs I read said that she had mommy issues, I believe she was a daddy's girl, while her mother was narcissistic to the extreme, always belittling her for simple things.

Her mother probably had a lot of problems with medication. I also think that Valeria always had an attitude, never lowering her head to anyone. No matter the occasion.

Her family on her father's side loved her and disliked her mother, she probably had kind and caring grandparents and aunts. I like to think that she spent a lot of time with her grandmother, cooking, helping her with everything.

She must have had cousins too, she and them would turn the house upside down.

There's a part in the interrogation scene where Alejandro is saying that she ruined the army and he says "and your brother too?" It makes me think that Valeria joined the army to prove that she had the same value as her older brothers (to prove to her mother that she was capable too)

I imagine her brothers being strong, big and courageous lieutenants, she could be close to one of the two, while she didn't even make a point of saying good morning to the other.

that's it for now ♡

#valeria cod #valeria garza #valeria garza cod #valeria garza x reader #valeria mw2 #valeria x reader #cod x reader #el sin nombre #headcanons #lesbian

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reorientation · 1 year ago

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It's only been two days but I figured I'd come share one of my favorite fantasies here.

I want a cruel girlfriend who's a staunch lesbian, doesn't care for Men at all or want them touching her. But the moment she meets me, she instantly can tell how much my pussy drips at the thought of a Man using me as He pleases, despite my proudly worn label as a lesbian.

It doesn't happen quickly, for a while she treats me normally. Only involving fantasies about other women, only using her fingers and her mouth to make me cum, never doing anything out of the ordinary for a "lesbian" couple. Until she slowly starts incorporating more Male centric ideas into my head, she asks innocently if I'd mind trying to take a dildo during sex. I agree because it's not like it's actually a Man right?

Then she asks my opinion on her wearing a strap on, by this point she's almost entirely stopped going down on me. Our sex almost entirely comprises of fingering and her dildos that are steadily growing in size. I say yes to her using a strap on, because I love her and want to make her happy. She makes comments about how we're probably the straightest lesbian couple out there.

Before I've realized it, she's now only using a squirting strap on when we have sex. I don't top her at all anymore, I'm a complete pillow princess now. She doesn't finger me or rub my clit anymore, our foreplay entirely exists of her pushing me to my knees to suck her strap. She tells me how I'm suck a natural at having a cock in my mouth.

It isn't until a few weeks later that she truly starts breaking my brain. "This is what you've always wanted, isn't it? To be fucked on all fours by a thick cock about to turn you into a mommy. Maybe we should have a guy fuck you instead since it's what you crave." It's impossible for me to hold back my orgasm when she says that.

One day she blindfolds me and tells me it's just trying something new, I feel her filling my cunt in a way she never has before, almost like she's throbbing. I can't stop whimpering and letting out high pitched moans, it feels like she's gotten so much stronger since the last time we slept together.

I lose count of how much I cum, and she asks my barely there brain if I'd like to see a surprise. When she takes the blindfold off all I can see is not one, but three Men on our bed while she sits next to me, the one in front clearly the person who's been fucking me the whole time.

I'm terrified, I don't understand what's happening but she tells me it's okay, that she understands. I've been calling myself a lesbian this whole time when in reality my sexuality is whatever she wants it to be, and right now she wants me to be a hole for Men. I so obviously loved having a real cock filling me, and I shouldn't deny myself.

By the time the first Man cums inside of me I'm gone, I'm completely lost to cock, there's nothing I want more in life than to be filled and used by Men.

My girlfriend and I have stopped having sex now, anytime she's horny she goes out to find a real lesbian to fuck her, or she texts at least three Men telling them her dyke is begging for His cock again so she can watch me be broken over and over again.

She fills my head with ideas that all Men are better than me, they're entitled to my body because I'm so stupid. Because I shouldn't have been showing off my huge tits in such a tight shirt. Because I denied them access to my holes for so many years when I hadn't rubbed my cunt to girls since before I had met her. And I believe her.

Her favorite days are when I come home a complete mess, having obviously been raped by one of her friends on my way back. She even makes me call them when I touch myself, thanking them and begging for them to be more cruel next time.

I still love her and she still loves me, she just loves ruining me more. She still calls me her lesbian girlfriend, but we both know it's only because it makes Men extra aggressive when breaking me.

I've never been happier than being my girlfriend's ruined dyke.

- 🩵

I don't even think I need to add anything - except to say that this little broken dyke is a very good girl.

#reor: stream lesbian anon #kink interactions #reorientation writing #reor: anon ask #lgetsd #dykebreaking #lesbian breeding #reor: anon fiction

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respectthepetty · 2 months ago

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The Loyal Pin - Episode 5

To know if a dish is good or not, pay attention to the tortilla. If someone eats the entire plate and the tortilla, the dish is fine, but if someone eats the whole plate, then uses the tortilla to clean the plate, that dish is one of the best damn meals ever eaten.

The Loyal Pin is a plate cleaned with a tortilla.

Because just like Pin's amazing dishes, it's fucking delicious!

To begin this episode with Pin running away from Anin and locking herself in the room WHILE IN ANIN'S BLUE and Anin crying outside to be let in is exactly how I want my meal served!

Because Pin loves this Blue Beauty but she cannot bring herself to admit that such a love is possible.

So having Anin give her color and her love to Pin only to be left standing outside alone is the exact angst I needed from this sixteen-course meal.

Anin is making herself sick as she is quickly shut out, but all I know is Becky and Freen better win all of the awards because we are only five episodes in and I. Am. Invested!

Pin shows Anin she still cares by cooking her favorite meals, but she cannot bring herself to face her because she knows what is in her heart. Her pink is so light, it's almost white, yet her skirt is lines which shows Anin is always on her mind.

She is barely herself and the servants are running scared going as far as contemplating eating the food just so Pin will snap back to herself.

So by time her mother returns (still not in her color!), Pin has started turning into an AKA with the pink and green (This is a Greek-letter org joke, but I don't want no smoke from them very kind and fine ladies. They have phenomenal branding is all I'm saying, so good for them. Please and thank you.)

But, thankfully, Prik is a real one and quickly runs back to her princess upon her return only to find her talented and intelligent Blue Beauty passed out on the floor, so my girl runs to save the day.

Because Anin truly has made herself sick over Pin's rejection.

And her color-coded brother is freaking out already making arrangements for his sister-in-color and blood to move back into the big house immediately!

Luckily, Pin decides to take it upon herself to lift Anin's spirit, so Anin takes advantage of the situation and tries to lift some other things as well.

But that backfires and Pin reinforces that she feels nothing for Anin which makes Anin a different kind of blue.

And just like that, Anin loses her color!

She is putting on a brave face for her brother, but then she gets hits with even more bad news from her other color-coded brother.

Ueangfah's father has died!

But leave it up to the realest one in the house because Prik makes sure to always stay loyal to her beautiful and intelligent princess by spinning this dark tragedy into a golden opportunity to make Pin jealous! Sidenote: can we all appreciate the button on Looknam's top that is fighting for its life because it was all I could think about in this scene?

And BOOM, just like what I wanted to happen to that button, Pin snaps and is fully back in her pink color with a knife in her hand and jealously in her heart!

Sorry for your loss Ueangfah, but whatever gets the plot moving works with me.

Pin isn't afraid of what is in her heart anymore. She is a Pink Person once again in her floral skirt!

So once her mother returns (not in her color, so now I'm very worried!), Pin wears her pink skirt with lines for Anin and runs straight over to The Palace of Pines when she hears Anin is back.

Because even though Anin lost her color for a moment, she is as radiant as ever in a blue floral dress. It's clear her heart still belongs to Pin and @babyangelsky and I cheered!

But now it's time for Pin to give her heart to Anin (as well as a few other things).

And we finally got the title-relevant pins!

SO LET'S GO, LESBIANS! IT'S YOUR TIME TO THRIVE!

(well, until the angst returns again next week but until then . . .)

LET'S GO, LESBIANS!

#the loyal pin #I'm obsessed #color coded girls in love #the colors mean things #SUCH GOOD COLOR-CODING!#episode five #this show is delicious #I need more of it!#I need an extra tortilla so I can clean this plate!#I also needed that button to pop on Looknam's top

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dollveis · 2 years ago

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⠀ ⠀ MOTH TO A FLAME !

ELLIE WILLIAMS ⠀⸝⸝ but does he know the reasons that you cry? or tell me does he know where your heart lies? where it truly lies. ⸝⸝

˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ warnings. +18 content, best friend!ellie x fem!reader, mention of sex with a man, reader is dating a man for the first few paragraphs but they break up soon in the fic, kind of emotional cheating tho, dealer!ellie + mention of usage of weed, reader checking out ellie all the time, it's hinted ellie masturbated thinking about reader and reader did too, ellie's actually kind of a loser lesbian but with a tough facade, idk if there's something more. 4.5k WORDS.

˗ˋ ୨୧ ˊ˗ vi's sticky note. so... i was watching tiktok and this appeared, some tiktok fake scenarios also helped me. this took me forever and i pretty much hate how rushed is.

⠀⠀⠀

IT DIDN'T FELT RIGHT, it didn't felt right how his hands roamed through the valley of your hips or how his lips sucked the skin in your neck, leaving soft reddish marks. It didn't felt right how his knee started to make space between your bare legs. It didn't felt right because he wasn't her and just that thought made your heart soak in guilt because he was actually everything you wished once.

Andrew was the type of guy Disney movies showed, with pearly white teeth hiding behind a cute smile, eyes that looked at you with burning adoration and desire, gentle with you and your wishes, the type of guy you would want to bring to your parents house and your friends adore but he was not the type of guy you wanted anymore. Because you didn't want Disney's pretty prince, maybe you wanted your hot lesbian best friend.

Fuck.

"Andrew... can we stop?" your voice coming out almost silent, "i'm not feeling well today," your lips forming a twisted smile as you pushed his shoulders and weight away from your body slightly.

"Oh, sorry, baby," his eyes opening in surprise as he got away, sitting next to your body only covered by your underwear, "i was doing something you didn't like?"

"Oh, no," liar, "it's not that," you were being such a liar. I mean, he was not that horrible at sex and the first times you didn't mind it until Ellie got a stupid girlfriend and your mind kept thinking about how she fucked her when your boyfriend was on top of you, trying to find his way to your inside. Your mind kept thinking about how well she could fuck you with a fake dick, probably better than your own boyfriend.

And you were tired of your own mind because well, you just knew Ellie saw you as her best friend and you should do the same, you had a boyfriend, why your heart wanted to run next to the freckled girl? why deep in your mind you felt you only started date Andrew as an attempt to stop looking at Ellie's lips when she spoke, to stop staring at her freckles longer than a normal friend would do. To stop your heart from racing as fast as a bird's one when she sang love songs looking directly at your eyes, feeling hers drowning in your soul and her essence crawling into your heart, invading it like a plague.

Your boyfriend hummed, stare lost at the back of the room, "it's just that... i feel something's wrong," he turned his head to look directly at you, "like you're not feeling us anymore," his words echoed in your brain, taking you by surprise, you knew Andrew avoided serious themes just like a kid. He had the bad habit of acting deaf towards problems, hiding them under the bed hoping they're gonna resolve by themselves.

You're not feeling us anymore, did you felt you both at some point? or were you just lying to yourself from the start?

"I've been tryin' to ignore it but i can't keep playing dumb," his voice started to escalate, sounding more desperate with every word he was saying, "where your heart truly lies? is it with me?"

"Andrew," you sighed, "what are you trying to-"

"Or with her?" his words kicked directly to your heart, your voice suddenly stuck at your throat, completely tangled around it making you unable to answer and incapable of lying to him and to you once again.

If like your lack of words and silence gave him the answer he nodded, getting up and sighing. Fixed his hair with his right hand as he roamed through his room, first looking for his clothes and dressing up with some basketball shorts and a white tee. For you, you just were frozen there, sitting with your legs crossed at the end of the king sized bed, your mind running as your prefrontal cortex screamed to you for unconsciously follow the insular and your feelings, telling you how dumb you are but... you couldn't help it.

"I like you but i'm not keep acting like i'm blind," he stood up in front of you, towering you, "i think is for the best to take a break until you find out how you really feel," he handed you your clothes and your hand grabbed them as you finally had the courage to face him, "i'm gonna let you change," he avoided your stare, walking towards the door and leaving you alone with yourself and your guilt.

You wish you felt bad, you wanted to feel something at least something minimum. Whatever it was, whether it was rage, sadness, loneliness, something, but you didn't, absolutely nothing. Well, there was something: relief, and that feeling just incremented the guilt in your heart, your almost perfect boyfriend basically broke up with you?

The boyfriend everyone adored but you.

You reached for your jeans, pulling out your phone from one of the back pockets, unlocking it, 1:00 𝐀𝐌. Not late enough yet.

⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀els 💌

can u pick me up?

please ellie, hurry up

⠀⠀⠀

???

thought u were spending the night w ur lil bf

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just come pls

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is everything okay? im at a party at jesses place so gimme 15 mins

⠀⠀⠀

You chuckled at how ironic it was that the first person you talked to after Andrew's words was the apple of discord between you two, but you didn't do it with intention, she was your best friend, the closest friend you had. Your safe place.

Without wasting time you dressed up and made sure you had everything in your bag, wanting to avoid having to go back to his place at least for tonight.

The buzz in the back of your black jeans making you instinctively pulling it out, hoping it was the auburn haired girl who texted you, when you turned on your phone the first notification that popped out was a 'im at the corner' from Ellie, as an answer you just left her in read, hurrying up to grab your bag and throwing it at your back, heading towards the door of the room. Your body stopped for a second at the frame of the wooden door, analyzing what you would say once you step out of your now ex boyfriend's room.

Just say goodbye and go you breathed, collecting yourself before opening the door, encountering the small living room and kitchen and Andrew sitting at the end of the white sofa, his eyes directly facing you once he realizes your presence.

"I'm leaving," your voice obviously awkward just like your words and your thumb pointing the front door at your left.

"Oh, someone's picking you?" you just nodded, preferring avoid more confrontation by bringing up Ellie was the one waiting for you outside his block.

And after some more awkward exchange of words and stares you left his apartment finally, making you sigh, liberating the air you were containing in your lungs.

'take ur time, dw, i almost got stopped by the police bc i thought something serious happened🙄 just that' Ellie texted again, chuckling at her message you opened the glass door of the pretty expensive block of apartments, looking for your best friend's black car. Her distinctive shitty -which she always denied- car finally entering on your sight.

You make your way to it, opening first the door of the backseat to throw your bag and at the end entering the passenger seat, being welcomed and hugged by the soft smell of weed mixed with Ellie's cologne, a familiar smell that made you feel blanketed and safe.

"Hi," you softly mumbled, kinda escaping her obvious stare.

"Hi?" Ellie repeated you, feeling in her voice how one of her eyebrow was lifted "just hi?"

"What you mean?" as you rested your head in the window of the car you could felt Ellie's body leaning closer to yours, driving your heart to the palm of your hand.

"You tell me," her minty breath skimming your ear and cheek, " since 'm not the one who called at fucking 1 am," her hand reaching your chin, fingertips caressing the edges of your jaw. Abruptly her fingers clenched around it, shivers traveling through your whole spine as your heart started to pound loudly. So loud you were scared Ellie could hear it and if she did, she didn't give a shit about it. The delicious strength she had on your jaw incremented, not to the point it hurted but to force you to look back at her, herr emerald gaze contemplating your face, scrutinizing your features just like she was searching a hint of what happened.

Ellie's scent was making hard to keep your mind focused on her eyes and not in the strands of hair lost in the front of her face or how her mouth was softly opened, the oxygen entering to her body through it instead of her nose. And, oh God, her nose, sparkled with some freckles that travelled from her right cheek to the left one, making it seems like a small constellation was drawn all over her face, one that expanded softly to her shoulders and chest covered with a white wife beater and a sage green flannel with the sleeves rolled up, her sleeve tattoo in sight to curious eyes like yours.

"You really drive me crazy," Ellie purred with a smirk on her lips, her warm breath hitting your face. Actions like that, like whispering next to your lips or examining your face and figure with a grin, made your stomach tangle in knots and your head dizzy, "you always expect me to run under your skirt when you call my name," her voice getting lower as her grip on your chin started to soft.

Fingers leaving it to roam to your neck, stopping their way in a reddish mark Andrew left there, Ellie's eyebrows furrowing slightly at the thought of his mouth touching you, "and i always do, so you have a point," her body getting away from yours and leaving you almost cold by the absent of her touch, she readjusted herself in the pilot sit and she just lied there, resting her head in her palm, looking at you with her corners of her mouth upturned like she was waiting for you to say something back, like she didn't leave you breathless and intoxicated in her.

"So..." you turned to the front, evading her stare again.

"So are you goin' to tell me what happened or what, because i know you didn't call me because little mister perfect was being the best boyfriend," she chuckled a bit, glancing at her phone screen, "not like he was either way tho."

You tilted your head, curious at what she could meant with that sentence, Ellie brushed it off shrugging her shoulders and whispering a whatever you barely heard. Her hands reaching the car's key, the motor of it making a loud sound.

"Andrew broke up with me," you spoke fastly, almost without spaces between words. Ellie froze, the grip in the wheel softening as her eyes looked at you with open eyes in surprise.

"Andrew?" incredulously repeated, "Andrew Andrew? Like... the tall guy who's basically a himbo? Your boyfriend?"

"Oh my god, yes, Ellie, Andrew, my now ex-boyfriend... and he's not a himbo," eyebrows quirked as you spoke, your arm playfully hitting her shoulder making her chuckle and lick her bottom lip.

"Can't blame me, i wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't know where the clit is... actually, does he?" a big smirk on her mouth and eyes now centered to get out of the place she was parked to drive you home, or honestly drive you wherever you want. Ellie would deny it every time, but you had her how you wanted, you asked and she delivered. That made her feel like a loser lesbian but maybe she was for you.

You couldn't say something back because you weren't sure if he knew, he should know, he's all grown up and fucked more girls than you can count with your hands' fingers. But you weren't sure because Andrew never gave you head -because he said he didn't like it- or even fingered you, he was just into fucking you with his dick.

Ellie's smirk transformed into a sweet smile when she glanced at you for a moment when you kept your mouth shut, one of her hands leaving the wheel to rest it on your thigh, her thumb rubbing it with endearment as the rest of her hand got lost in the inner of your thigh, your mind starting to get dizzy once again.

"I'm just fuckin' with ya, want to talk about what happened, babe?" Ellie had the bad habit of using pet names when she was trying to be sweet and understanding, completely clueless at how 'pretty', 'babe', 'angel' coming from her mouth made your heart -and core- feel.

"It's just... i don't know," you scratched your head, Ellie's gaze on you again.

"What about you start telling me what happened because sorry, but mister perfect was really down bad for you," her eyes rolled at her final words. Ellie never said she hated Andrew, she didn't love him either and she made it obvious with her sarcastic jokes and faked gags whenever he was around you with his arms around your waist or hips but you never thought she hated him, just more that she found him annoying just like she found almost every guy except Jesse and Joel.

"He said i wasn't sure of my feelings for him," your eyes trailing to the front, trying to ignore her hand caressing your clothed thigh or how she examined you with her eyes every now and then, trying to disguise the fact she was the whole reason why you weren't sure of your feelings from your ex boyfriend.

"And you are?"

"I think i've never been sure of my feelings for him," your hands starting to get sweaty from your fear of talking to much and say things you shouldn't.

Ellie hummed, "and why you dated him? He was handsome and shit but dude didn't have much else-"

"Because i liked someone else... and she would never give a shit about me in that way so i guess i thought dating a popular pretty guy would change my feelings, i guess it didn't" your voice interrupted Ellie's, you weren't sure of what you wanted to reach driving the conversation to this topic, maybe just free your chest from this heavy feeling you had been hiding for almost the start of your friendship with Ellie.

No, you couldn't make yourself speak more, you couldn't drop a 'i liked you and i still like you, Ellie' from your mouth.

"You never know, maybe you should try to make a move," Ellie tried to sound lighthearted but she could swore her heart skipped a few beats at your words. Her mind starting roam through her thoughts: what if it's me. There's no fucking way it's me. She just sees you as a friend, Ellie. Don't be delusional, it's probably another girl.

"Maybe," a giggle escaped your lips, just if she knew you were talking about her, "let's not talk about my ex boyfriend more, distract my mind, miss Ellie Williams," your voice sounding playful and your brows wiggling. Ellie was a tease but you could be more and drove Ellie crazy, most of the times making her hard to play it cool.

"Sorry, i don't fuck with girls who just got out of relationships," her green orbs looking directly at you, taking advantage of the stop, "and i don't fuck them either," eyes again locked at the road, the car accelerating at green and your heart about to combust at her words, you hated how easily she would drop shit like that, like it was nothing.

"Whatever, your loss," you rolled your eyes as Ellie's brows quirked at your phrase without looking at your direction, an entertained smile drew all over her lips, "where are we goin'?"

"You choose, Miss Daisy, i can drive you home or we can get something to eat and chit chat in a empty parking lot until the sun rises. Personally 'm starving."

"Something's even open?" your choice already settled without the need of more words.

Ellie's proposal wasn't something you were a stranger of, actually, you couldn't count how many times you both ended up in deserted parking lots with junk food and just the company of each other, specially if one of you was down or just after some party. Feeling like a whole eternity since the last time happened and not because of Ellie's fault but yours, you never distanced from your best friend, you just marked some... distance to try to get your mind off of her but there you were once again, your heart in the palm of your hand and your eyes trailing back and forth from her slim figure.

"There has to be."

A shared precooked meal and joint with Ellie felt like it was what you needed so everything felt right again. Your mind hazy, more than you expected to be when the auburn haired girl offered it to you, probably because you were the one who smoked the most, Ellie almost rejecting every time you handed her the burned paper, maybe she wasn't the most responsible but she was conscious she had to drive you and herself back home.

"I'm gonna have to pay for it?" your chin pointed to the cigarette butt resting in the small, handmade ashtray she had in the car.

Ellie side eyed, first looking at you and later where your chin was pointing. A cheeky grin portrayed on her face, "do you? maybe i would consider a pretty girl discount," her voice cocky, she was playing with you like she always did, "of course you don't have to pay, i offered it to you."

"You're such a loser for the pretty girl discount anyway," your shoulders shrugged, your friend's eyebrows knitted making an expression of the fuck you mean with that which you ignored, "kinda offensive you just hinted you wouldn't do a pretty girl discount for me."

It was kinda funny for her you said she was a loser for the pretty girl discount because until not long ago she kinda was, not like she invited every girl she dealed to but her pretty girl discounts were more of a you're really pretty to pay for my weed instead of a i would fuck you so you don't need to pay, so she stopped when she realized some girls misinterpreted her actions and also because even though you were really pretty to pay for her weed she would also fuck you. Of course she wouldn't say that out loud.

"You're so dramatic, god," her words making you lift one of the corners of your mouth but you didn't answer, enjoying the few cars passing by and the soft night light of the city that was mixed with the yellowish streetlights and the cold light of the moon and stars, her raspy voice breaking the silence, "i guess we're both single again.... aaaand we're arriving too."

You hummed to her last words, your mind more centered about the 'we're both single' part. You totally forgot for a moment Ellie and Cat broke up not long ago as well, you didn't know the exact reasons since when you asked she just said it wasn't really working, that Cat was nice and shit but she wasn't really what Ellie wanted and her words really caught you by surprise. As her best friend you knew Ellie was more of a quality time and gifts type of girl, but when you hangout with them and some more friends a few times them both didn't know how to keep their hands to themselves. Fingers locked, sweet cheek kisses, whispers at each other's ear with giggles Intercalated and fast lovely stares from Ellie's side that sometimes traveled to you but she quickly looked away when your eyes interlocked with jewel like eyes, so of course it caught you by surprise when she told Cat wasn't what she wanted.

"I guess so," you spoke with your eyes glued go the streets outside the car's window, the small block of apartments you lived in entering in your sight and almost every parking space occupied, which made Ellie pant, there was nothing she hated most than searching for a place to park. In the middle of the night. At fucking 3 am, "looks like your ex moved on pretty quick tho."

It was true, even though you were never close to Cat you both had a gentle relationship of acquaintances so it was no weird you followed each other on Instagram, making it impossible to not see the story she posted last night. Cat's waist wrapped by some cute masc's arm, the face of the unknown girl rested in her shoulder as the asian showed to the camera some shot she was taking at a party with blinking neon lights that could make you go blind and some cute love song usually related to the wlw community, the story basically screaming there was something going on between Cat and that other girl.

The freckled girl next to you couldn't help but chuckle at your words, your commentary catching her by surprise as she devised a free spot where she could park.

"Yeah... it's whatever, so have i," she brushed it off, more concentrated on parking -since she was a really careful driver- than how your eyes were blazing at the sight of her.

Of how her hands had a tight grip of the wheel, or how she bites her bottom lip in frustration when she was trying to get the car in the right angle. Your pupils started to roam to sinful places, or at least places you shouldn't be looking like her thighs hugged by her skinny jeans or wondering what she could hide being her pants and her top, even asking yourself if she ever wore a strap outside of the room, completely ecstatic at the thought of her hiding a plastic cock behind those really tight jeans. Your were knees getting weak and your fists clenching as an attempt to calm whatever Ellie was waking up by just... existing?

And of course you couldn't keep your mouth shut, you didn't know how to, more when you were high.

"Proof?" the words slipping your lips faster than your brain had the time to analyze them, the reflex of slapping your hand to your mouth almost automatic but it was too late, Ellie already heard you and if only you could hear her heart beating fast and her mind in panic all the fear that soaked your body would disappear in an instant. Ellie's eyes widened, her chill and playful facade falling apart for a few seconds which she quickly recovered hoping you didn't realize her moment of weakness.

With a dangerous smirk Ellie turned to look at you, her slightly dilated pupils looking up and down at you, "proof?" her voice cooed, her body inclinated to your direction, you gave her an opportunity and she was gonna take it without doubt, "proof would ruin our friendship," her face close to your own more than ever, her right hand leaving the wheel to touch your chin just like she did hours before but this time it was different. Her touch was edging sinful, intoxicating, the growing tension making you swallow with difficult as your thighs pressed together, and she noticed it, she finally catch up the effect she had on you and your body; she always knew she did something to you but never really stopped to think about it until that moment.

Her mind running through all the possibilities able to happen, how your body gave her the hint she could take you to the backseat and eat your heated cunt in that moment, just the thought making her own pussy wet and needy, almost impossible for her to contain the action of cup it over her jeans.

"And we don't want our friendship ruined, right, pretty?" her voice so sweet, so sugar coated, the pads of her fingers leaving your chin once again, just like before. It's not what she wanted, she wanted to eat you in every way possible, thinking about how good her lips would feel against your glossy ones, she was craving for you like you were but she didn't want it to happen that way.

She was scared. She didn't know if you could regret once the heated was gone, if you maybe just wanted Andrew out of your head, she didn't want her heart broke and she wanted you completely conscious and right on your mind. Fuck, behind her cocky smile and confident eyes she was shitting her pants.

But you wouldn't let it go like that.

"Wait!" your hand reaching and grabbing her wrist, "what do you mean?" a flirtatious smile on your lips without you realizing.

You were really making the game difficult to Ellie, if you continued acting like that she was gonna throw everything away and just do it, just surrender to her lustful feelings. And she was about to do it.

"Are you playing dumb or do you want me to be straight forward?" she said in an undertone.

"I want you... to show it if you wanna make this a lil' more interesting," your head tilting slightly with a flirty manner. You made your mind, you won't retreat this time, you didn't know if it was your own confidence or the weed you consumed that gave you the strength to not be scared, or at least not terrified.

Despite the fact Ellie's heart was about to jump out of her chest she did a really good job hiding it with her slick grin growing bigger, sated at your curiosity, at your need and he was gonna reward it... kinda.

You saw her face suddenly getting closer to yours, one of her hands placing now in the side of your thigh almost on your hip, squeezing it, and the other resting in back of your seat, helping her to maintain balance. Her lips ghosting over your own, making you unconsciously close your eyes, awaiting for her chapped warm lips finally pressed against you.

The sight of you with eyes closed, looking almost like an angel, and your lips parted made Ellie even more aroused, you looked so pretty like that and it was something only her could see in that moment, only for her.

To your surprise your glossy lips never met the warm of Ellie's but your ear did, a low chuckle before she spoke slowly and patiently, with such a provocative tone, "if you're that desperate for proof i can show you tomorrow, sweet girl," her lips skimming your earlobe so close to kissing it, your only response was almost a whimper, you couldn't wait.

"But-"

"Tomorrow," her tone demanding this time, "now go, it's really late."

It was late and Ellie's cunt was so heated, her boxers a mess, that she needed you out of her car so she could take care of it just like you needed too.

⠀⠀⠀

Each other's fingers meeting your respective soaked cores, you thinking how full could Ellie make you feel and Ellie thinking how much she wanted to make you a mess of moans and whimper for her and her fingers, just the moon knowing your sinful actions.

#𔓘 vi's works. ꒱#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams tlou #ellie tlou #ellie x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #the last of us part 2

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hattersarts · 1 year ago

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gomens s2 thoughts, all spoilers!

I spent 10 hours talking to my housemate about the season after we binged the whole thing in the morning but here are the highlights and the biggest takeaways from the season.

okay i did love the ending, i love that we get the conformation of love AND going into the divorce arc next season (if they're not properly together by the end of season 3 however, i am rioting) they're slow burn and a whole season of them getting to the final 10mins was tasty.

HOWEVER. it was an extremely clunky season when it comes to writing, lots of either set ups missed OR set ups repeated 4 times that they're drilled into out heads. there was also lots of dialogue that really needed to be tightened up. the lesbians were so poorly written i thought they might have needed to be cut BUT they just needed to have more bearing on the rest of the plot AND say things like real people would say things and LITERALLY SHOW ONE SINGLE REASON WHY THEY WOULD LIKE EACH OTHER WITHIN THE FIRST EPISODE.

gabe/bulz romance was the one that should have been cut, have them do more of a oh-my-god-my-boss-sucks kind of thing, lean into them complaining about having to avert a civil war after armageddon stopped and touch on the "structural problems" the angels mention later. Have gabe/bulz be super punished for working together which puts huge fear into az and crowley about what happens if you try to team up as an angel/demon pair (but an extra reason why az takes the job at the end so he and crowley can be the same)

imo it works more if the only mirror of their romance is the HUMANS which should lean into themes to season 3 of how they need to team up with humans (re:"us vs them" line at the end of season 1) to actually achieve their happy ending.

Nina and maggies best scene was their last one telling crowley he needed to talk to az but i think that was one that needed to be cut, it would have been far more satisfying to have crowely work out it out himself that he loves az and wants to tell him (still via maggie and nina but more subtle rather than them telling him to his face AND via spending more time with az in the season)

flashbacks were all pretty good, loved the jobe one and that final "lonely" scene. the nazi one needed some trimming the most (why did all three come back to earth, it made scenes too crowed, have them fight to be a zombie)

shax was disappointing, she was kind of just incompetent the whole way through which didnt make the stakes very exciting, (that whole scene of her talking to the legion was unfunny and pointless) i wanted crowley to mentor her more like when he gave her advice in the first few meetings we saw (kind of in a very non-demonic way, not expecting anything in return) and her to then meet him on equal footing in the finale. would have been a little accidental taste for Crowley to have his good deeds come back to haunt him while showing he's different to demons.

speaking of the finale fight, that halo had NO set up, it was sick as hell but ??? the fuck did that come from. the fight should have been won by az and crowley performing another HUGE miracle together, discorporating the demons (which then would alert heaven and hell something was up in the bookshop and the final scene can happen)

az taking the job from metatron was very good, its consistent with his character where he still hasn't let go of his faith in good/god, he's only been upset by the angels running heaven and still has faith in the system while crowley has realised none of it works and it's only them together that matters. it was nice to show he still hasn't truly accepted crowley for who he is now (tho imo he knows he loves him, he just hasn't quite unrepressed himself) and him not turning down the job after crowley confesses to him shows he still thinks he can fix it. Crowley on the other hand thinks he's now lost him, az has broken he the trust he had in him, he's going to be in big depression mode

few thoughts of good directions for S3:

finally delivering on what crowley said at the end of S1 I think is the most satisfying. the final showdown should be humans Vs heaven/hell with Crowley and az on the human side, helping them win the conflict. there would be suggestions that this is actually god's ineffable plan, this is a conflict she wants to happen and the things that Crowley and az went through are what make them perfect ambassadors to help the humans.

the set up for az in S3 to finally work out he and Crowley can't work out within the unfair rules of the system and for him to abandon heaven (tho not I think, becoming a demon) is good. a sucky ending imo for season 3 is if az somehow "fixes" heaven and via bureaucracy and not via blowing it all up.

growth moments for Crowley in S3 might be having more contact with humans since he's already abandoned hell and it would put az & crowley on similar footing (as az very much loves humans already) when they decided to side with humans for a humans Vs heaven/hell conflict.

anyway, gay people

#this is all the surface stuff really #im having fun re-plotting the episodes for thr same end but tweaked to be more satisfying

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f1ghtsoftly · 5 months ago

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Look as a lesbian it sucks to see women cap so hard for men who treat them….so badly but some of the leading lights in the history of feminism in the US/UK were in heterosexual partnerships with men they genuinely loved and went on to accomplish truly important things for women. I can’t say I fully endorse all het women going out and getting themselves a man, because it’s a tricky business and tough to get right.

So all I can say in regard to het women is this:

1.) You should be single for a while and put yourself in separatist environments regularly, because the social pressure to put up with bad behavior from men is *high* and it’s important you surround yourself with people who prioritize you for you if you’re going to withstand it. If those people are lesbians, please don’t talk about your relationship to us constantly, if you find yourself unable to think of anything else that you care about…consider if your partner has other hobbies or interests. Consider the gendered dynamics of you having only him and him having a life.

2.) Any male you end up with is going to be socialized to take advantage of you or other women around you, sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. Men can be human and have lovable qualities and still be misogynistic. Being able to love someone very much-but also refuse to sacrifice yourself to their subconscious (or conscious) beliefs is going to save you. Learn how to do it.

3.) Sometimes….none of it is going to be enough and celibacy is ok. It’s ok to feel so disgusted by patriarchy and men’s treatment of women you’re turned off from men on the whole and it’s definitely ok to feel this way and not be attracted to women. I know a few women actually who are just not interested in men after being treated particularly poorly by them. Women have found platonic companionship with one another for a very long time, just because you don’t want men-doesn’t mean that you’ll be alone.

Ultimately, lesbian feminists shouldn’t be the authority on the happiness of women interested in men but I do think because we prefer the company of women we can sometimes have fresh eyes when women get lost in the patriarchal sauce. And I think lesbian feminists who advocate for separatism come from a good place, I know a lot of wonderful women with good qualities who got lost in relationships with men who don’t value them and it’s very easy to get lost on that road, many people will encourage you and your socialization will work against you. At the same time, I never want to dissuade women from happiness or love or partnership or misrepresent the political project of feminism as being something dependent on one’s relationship status. Ultimately, women do not have to be defined by their relationships, they can be, but it doesn’t have to be so. As a sister who isn’t affected by this challenge, all I can offer is my solidarity, my support and perspective.

#radblr #radical feminism #radical feminist #char on char #radical feminists do touch #radfem safe #radical feminist theory #radfems #radfem

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slitheringghost · 6 months ago

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Voldemort Fic Recs

I meant to post this for hprecfest over four months ago, but uh... I didn't. More fic recs in Part 2 here and Part 3 here.

The Limits Of Perception by deslea (800 words, G)

Rec: A truly fantastic character study in few words.

He meets a different kind of falsehood at school. The Pure prize the collective. They put aside their individual interests and feelings, follow codes of honour designed to protect family and name. It is still lying, but at least it is lying for something better than one's own ends. This is a kind of hypocrisy that he can tolerate, he decides.

of all my demon spirits by slashmarks (Tom & Ginny, 1.7k, T)

Rec: Ginny writes to Tom after the events of CoS. Paints a detailed picture of Tom and Ginny's relationship, and it's a great character study of Tom in addition to Ginny.

But I think maybe you were lying when you said that I was boring and stupid after all. Do you remember when we talked about the last war and I didn’t understand how anybody could think muggles were animals, because even if I don’t really know any muggles we go into the village to get groceries and stuff all the time and Mrs. Hoof keeps sweets by the counter just to give them to kids like me? You teased me about being bought with candy, but then you said the Death Eaters had to decide muggles weren’t people in order to kill them, and that really most people do that all of the time, like with house elves and stuff. You said that it was because most people are hypocrites and can’t face their real choices, but I think maybe it’s something you do, too, Tom. Maybe I had to be a boring and stupid little girl because you were about to kill me.

a shade amidst the shadowy dead by slashmarks (Tom & Cassiopeia Black, 2.4k, T)

Rec: THE Voldemort backstory of all time - Bellatrix's great-aunt Cassiopeia Black, a lesbian Dark Lord with a Muggle lover, and Tom Riddle and Bellatrix's mutual teacher and Mother Figure (TM) who they're both grieving when they meet. AKA Bellamort's very own Bathilda Bagshot.

Circling around to the potions shelving, she stopped halfway, a small twitch of a half-smile disturbing her serene face. Tom had fallen asleep with his face in a book in the armchair between bookshelves. In a moment he would wake, hearing her move. He would politely pretend he had lost track of time, and she would politely pretend to believe him. Of course, she knew perfectly well he was sleeping in the lab all the time for the summer, and she knew why. The school-leaving age in muggle Britain was fourteen, and Tom had therefore been expected to leave the orphanage two years ago.

The Shack at the End of the Lane by Asenora (Tom & Merope, 4k, G)

Rec: Voldemort’s victims meet Merope in the afterlife. A wonderful concept.

One day, a second bedroom materialised in the shack. It had white-washed walls and a black-and-white tiled floor, and contained no furniture other than a rickety iron bedstead, a wardrobe, and a hard wooden chair. She opened the wardrobe, and found nothing in it except an empty shoebox. 'This place needs some cheer,' she thought, and was unsurprised when a set of paint pots appeared in front of her.

the serpent's tale has come undone by slashmarks (Bellatrix/Voldemort, 6.2k, E)

Rec: Fantastic Voldemort POV in a Bellamort getting together fic. Slashmarks' ability to write both Voldemort's hunger for connection and intimacy and his cruelty is so impressive.

Orion Black's idiocy would be his prize, in this case. He understood what he was seeing when he looked into Bellatrix Black's cool gray eyes and the mind beyond them. He would gratefully use what Orion Black had discarded or overlooked as essentially worthless; or at least, not worthy of his attention and maintenance. He knew that pureblood men were often idiots about women, but sometimes the boundless capacity for it in otherwise intelligent ones surprised him. - Moreover... He had wanted family as a student, he remembered that; something to replace the loss that had occurred at and before his birth, someone to claim him, someone who would defend his interests and give him something to defend. He had the Death Eaters as the closest possible thing now. The demands marriage would have made on him would not be... tenable.

endless nights took on my whole life by slashmarks (Bellatrix/Voldemort, Voldemort & Rodolphus, Bellatrix & Rodolphus, Sirius & Bellatrix, 12.4k, M)

Rec: My absolute favorite Tom Riddle POV. A HILARIOUS Voldemort and Rodolphus dynamic in addition to a wonderful Bellamort.

Bellatrix was a new experience for Tom, as something of a kindred spirit. Abraxas might be the closest thing Tom would admit to a brother, but he had no real patience for magical theory or interest in it beyond utilitarian concerns, and Reinhard was simply too nice a person, deep down, a condition even the Lestranges had never cured him of. Bellatrix, though, was capable of sharing everything for the first time: she could keep up with him intellectually, she was as fascinated by magic as him, and any squeamish bone had long ago been extracted. Best of all, she shared Tom Riddle's fervent loathing for every aspect of magical Britain's society and his desire to personally torture to death most of the Wizengamot, which Tom had always known better than to fully express even to Abraxas.

The Edge of Reality by deslea (Bellatrix/Voldemort, 4k, E)

Rec: Fascinating exploration of the Death Eater cult and initiation.

To ensure their continued loyalty, they must be given a new family and future, better than the one they have agreed to cast away. When this is achieved, in his experience, they will do virtually anything in his service. Their loyalty to old laws and values and connections is either severed, or so conditional as to be irrelevant. It is a delicate exercise, carried out with an intricate blend of Legilimency and plain old-fashioned manipulation. It is magic at its finest.

'The son and heir of nothing in particular by @artemisia-black (2.6k, M)

Rec: Beautifully written, and I love Tom's musings on London in this fic.

But unlike the damp which pervaded the orphanage in the depths of winter, this scent did not evoke desperation and destitution. It did not remind him of scratchy government-issued pinafores and the flavourless soups that the matron insisted warded off the flu. No, this damp smelled different. It smelled of ancient, untapped magic. But most importantly, it smelled like home.

The Velveteen Rabbit by Asenora (Tom & Mrs. Cole, Tom & Merope, 3k, G)

Rec: A unique take on Mrs. Cole and Tom's relationship, and a heartbreaking young Tom.

It’s just about pride - when he’s hurt, when one of the bigger lads punches him in the face, he won’t give anyone the satisfaction of knowing. He just watches, his face completely unmoving, staring whoever's attacked him down until they're the one that's frightened, and then whirling off triumphantly, with his chin in the air. But, if you know where to look, you can find him a wee while later curled up in a corner of the orphanage where nobody usually goes, running his fingers over his black eye or bruised jaw like he could cure the injury by magic, muttering words of comfort to himself, telling himself he’s all he needs, and he’ll be alright, and he will always, always manage to survive.

My True Family: Voldemort and Family Connections by slashmarks (Meta, 3k)

Rec: Cheating ‘cause this isn’t a fic, but a must-read essay that challenges the idea of an inhuman Voldemort who can’t love.

Voldemort immediately knows how to lure Harry to the Department of Mysteries when curiosity isn't enough: a threat to Sirius Black will be enough, and it is. Sirius is not only Harry's only remaining magical family, but he represents a hope Tom Riddle once shared, and once was equally disappointed in: a magical guardian who would take either boy away from the muggle world and status as a friendless orphan.

In Place And Blood. by Lanna Michaels (Tom & Merope, 2.3k, G)

Rec: Tom raised by Merope still becomes Voldemort and this time his motivation is solely revenge on purebloods for his mother.

That night, for the first time, he shares a room with six other boys, five of them purebloods, and he wants to murder them where they sleep. He doesn't know how to do it, but he has ideas. They all deserve it. They deserve it for what they did to his mother. Purebloods had left his mother friendless, a disgrace, had thrown her out and left her to die and her son with her. Tom is going to make sure they live to regret it. Tom is going to make every one of them regret it.

if the sea were sand alone by Anonymous (Tom & Dumbledore, 12.8k, G)

Rec: A gorgeous and heartbreaking what-could-have-been for the Dumbledore and Tom relationship, the starting point being Slughorn comes to the orphanage to introduce the magical world to Tom instead of Dumbledore.

"I wanted to kill them," he said. "They left me there. All those years, and my father, and my grandparents, they left me there. The last thing my mother said to him was, 'What about the baby?' and the last thing he said to her--" He cut himself off. There was so much pain etched into his face that Albus shuffled off the bed, and, standing over him, pulled his head to his chest like he was still a small child. He had felt abandoned, once. It was a wound that had never truly healed, and it had taken him years to realize the extent of the damage.

More fic recs are in Part 2 of rec list here and Part 3 here.

#tom riddle #tom marvolo riddle #lord voldemort #voldemort #tom riddle meta #voldemort meta #hp meta #hp fic recs #bellatrix lestrange #bellatrix black #albus dumbledore #rodolphus lestrange #riddledore #bellamort #ginny weasley #merope gaunt #voldemort fic recs #tom riddle fic recs #my fic recs

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skrunksthatwunk · 4 months ago

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actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

#i had a really big fundie snark phase a year or two ago so that's part of like. this. but im still not used to actually talking about #religious stuff so if it reads kinda awkwardly uhh forgive me orz idk #maybe it sounds dumb but i like that the message isn't 'religion is evil'. it easily could have been. but i think the show's points about #how fundie wasp culture in particular treats christianity and itself and others would be less poignant if they were like. and jesus sucks #btw >:] like. this feels more nuanced to me. i guess there's probably a way to maintain that nuance with an ultimately anti-christian #piece of media but i think it'd be like. wayy harder and it's difficult for me to imagine that bc i think a lot of it would bleed out into #the tone. + why focus on only These christians when They're All also bad? so you'd get jokes about them in general #and i think that's kinda less funny than orel and doughy screaming and running from catholics lsdkjfldksj #i think the specificity makes it more unique and compelling as comedy and as commentary. but that's just me #like moralton represents a very particular kind of christian community (namely a middle class fundie wasp nest)#you're not gonna be able to get in the weeds as much if you're laughing at/criticizing all christians. but they accomplish it so thoroughly #and WELL in morel and i think that's because it chose a smaller target it can get to dissect more intimately. anyway #moral orel #orel puppington #(OH also when i say wasp here i mean WASP the acronym. as in white anglo-saxon protestsant. in case the term's new to anyone <3)#maybe it's also relevant to say that i'm kindaaaaaaaa loosely vaguely nonspecifically christian. so there's my bias revealed #i was never raised like orel but i like to think i get some of what's going on in there y'know. in that big autistic head of his #but it's not like i can't handle anti-christian/anti-religious media/takes. i'm a big boy and also i v much get why it's out there yknow #christianity in specific has a lot of blood on its hands from its own members and from outsiders and people have a right to hate it for tha #but religion in all its forms can be positive and i appreciate the nuance. like i've said around 20 times. yeah :) <3 #(<- fighting for my life to explain things even though my one job is to be the explainer)

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doublejango · 7 days ago

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I am already seeing virtue signaling posts from people saying "I don't care what you believe or how you voted..."

That's great. I care. I care a lot. The outcome of this election effects me, but so much more than me. I care. It matters. And if it really doesn't matter to you? Good for you. If you are privileged enough, safe enough, and entitled enough to truly not care about how the election will impact other people... I can't even imagine what that must be like. Nice, I guess?

I spent most of last night and this morning crying.

I'm done with tears now, and have moved on to rage.

And you know what? I promise not to let it burn out. Because smiles and positivity may work for many of us, and I'm not going to lose mine either, I promise not to lose my queer joy--they can rip it from my cold dead hands, not to get too damn dramatic here--but I'm also not in the mood to start forgiving and smiling and welcoming Nazis into the bar.

So. I will hold onto anger. I've been tolerant and accepting long enough in life... and have learned something important about what causes the worst harm.

I have been gay bashed before. Violently. Blood. Broken bones. Lost teeth. And you know what the worst part of the recovery of all of that was, the part that did the most psychological and emotional damage? It wasn't the actual bashing itself. It wasn't even the memory of exactly what it felt like to have something swung full force into my face with extremely violent intent. It was the denial from my "friends" and family afterwards. The people who wanted to deny that it was a hate crime. The people who wanted me to shrug it off and not be upset about it. The people who loved to say oh well it wasn't that bad. You know what helped? Letting myself feel fury. Letting myself name the attack as hate. "It wasn't that bad," though, they said, asif it was their judgment to make--endless hours of dental procedures, pain, wounds that never fully healed, the trauma, the lost work, the new experience of vomiting blood with broken jaws and knocked out teeth. Because it wasn't that bad. And there was so much self-reproach, because I could have avoided it. I wasn't the intended target. He was swinging for a lesbian with me. When the attacker burst out of hiding he was swinging for the side of her head, her temple. I jumped in between them. Didn't think. It was an impulse. Protect the people you care about. So I took it to the face. And I grabbed him. I threw him, and fell doing it. I remember being on my knees in the mud. Seeing my teeth in the mud. Seeing my blood just. Everywhere. And knowing I needed to push back to my feet immediately because it might not be over.

We were lucky. It was over. He hadn't expected anyone to fight back. He ran.

But the people who claimed to love me didn't want to deal with the idea that it was a hate crime. They wanted it to be random and meaningless. That made their world a little safer, I guess. And their denial made my world colder. And my recovery lonelier. Harder. They put me down for "bringing it on myself." As if it would have been more virtuous to let this woman take that attack to her temple, as if I would have been more valid for standing by and watching it happen.

There are so many more stories I can tell you, but the lesson is almost invariably the same: the ugliest hurt is often the one caused by the people who just turn away when you identify what happened to you. The hurts that cut the deepest and last the longest often come from the people we thought we could trust, because they want you to just get over it, don't talk about it, admit it could have been worse, don't call it That.

The betrayal from people who are supposed to have your back? That deepens wounds, deepens trauma.

I won't be that person. I won't tell you to smile and turn the other cheek when someone shows you they hate you. Do whatever you need to do to survive--physically, emotionally, psychologically. Just don't give up, and don't let the cowards force you into feeling shame for not giving up and letting the world break you.

Never be ashamed to refuse to break.

Never let someone shame you for choosing strength. For drawing your line in the sand.

I wanted the "exciting" times of my life to be behind me. But they're not--so be it. I'm not going to tone myself down to be safer. I don't care about my own safety anymore. Any self-preservation drive broke a long time ago when it comes to homophobia. I promise to always be ready to fight. To be a queer menace to "polite" society. I promise to be out and loud and gay, to be a shield however I can for those who can't be out, who can't fight back, who can't even speak up because it wouldn't be safe for them to do so. They are valid, too. And I love them. And I will have their fucking backs. I promise to, in my real off-the-internet life, be someone who will always jump in and speak up if I see queer people being harassed or shamed--especially if they're young. I am older. I will fight for my baby gays. I will love them.

And I will never, never put anyone down for refusing to welcome Nazis into the bar. We don't look the other way and quietly tolerate them. Not here.

I may not be around much for the next few days. I need to handle my own shit. My own fury. My own grief. Because right now, there is so much grief.

But I won't be going anywhere.

I will fight to stay.

Whatever it takes.

I'm not giving up.

If I end up on my knees in the mud again, staring at my own blood and teeth, metaphorically or in fucking reality, so be it. I will get back up. And I will keep getting back up. I won't let go of the anger. The spite. And I definitely won't let go of my love for every queer person, the ones I know and the ones I don't, because that love is what will give me strength to get through this. Whatever comes next.

I may not have much sense of self-preservation. But goddamn, I will fight for you.

#shut up dj ooc #politics tw #election tw #violence tw #injury tw #okay to reblog

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