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maknaesdancersrappers · 4 years ago

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july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver.

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left.

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever.

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

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heyimfromgenz · 5 years ago

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ACNE

hi im andi, today we're talking about acne and why no one elses opinion matters. everyone gets it, acne is a part of peoples childhood/teenage hood and sometimes even adulthood. but oh no, everyone around you has perfect, clear skin! but the truth is, they dont always have perfect, clear skin. they might have pimples, black/whiteheads, or just those little red bumps. you shouldnt be insecure of it, its a natural thing but if it really is bothering you talk to a doctor or dermatologist and theyll help you. but other than that you shouldnt care about what people say about your skin (unless its a certified medical professional). people i knew in middle school would point out my acne and i hated it! it made me extremely insecure and i would pick at my acne but it only made it worse. now i only get those red bumps but i still hate it. it makes me think that im ugly but other people could care less about those 5 little bumps that will go away over time. but i still wasnt having it, i bought an acne treatment 2 weeks ago. it started working immediately even though the box said it would start working in after 2-3 months of use. but after 3 days whenever i washed or put something on my face it burned and my face would become red. then a few days after my skin was completely dry and peeling. the acne treatment has an acid that threw off my skins ph balance and now i have to moisturize it 3-4 times a day. even though the treatment did work i did not like how it left my skin, i feel like a lizard. i wish i would have talked to my doctor cause now im even more insecure about my dry skin than the acne. also please get rid of acne safely. drink water, eat healthy, exercise, and if you're going to pop a pimple (which you probably shouldnt) dont use your dirty fingers. and dont touch your face too often. and makeup wearers, make sure your skin is clean after removing makeup or else you will clog your pores which leads to pimples. to everyone who puts anything on their face or into their body, make sure youre not allergic to it, i am allergic to some products and me using them results in breakouts. so i hope you guys learned something, thank you for reading !

#how to get rid of acne #acne tips #acne #gen z culture #gen z problems #this generation #gen z #generation z #note to self #self improvement #self care #advice #skin problems

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johnnysnostril · 5 years ago

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Lights Out

Chapter Five

I groaned, feeling like my face was completely swollen. All I could hear around me, was beeping and light chatter. I couldn’t understand what was being said though. Squeezing my eyes tightly, I tried moving my body a little. Feeling pain shooting up my legs and back, I winced and ripped my eyes open. Looking up, I noticed a white ceiling. It smelt really clean and the air was almost as fresh as water. In the process of trying to sit up, I ripped a few chords from their machines.

I was in the hospital, although I couldn't remember how I got here.

“Zoey?” I called out. My voice was hoarse and my throat was so itchy. “Oh honey, don’t move.”

A nurse came walking in and gently pushed me back down on the bed, hooking my chords back up to the machine. “Everything is alright, just relax and try not to move so much.” I immediately started crying as I thought about Sapphire. “Where are my sisters?” I could feel the tears running down my face as I looked around the room for them.

Junwon’s POV

Looking past the curtains, I glanced out towards the crowd of people. I was actually surprised at how many people decided to show up. Oddly enough, I didn't see Hazel. She was never late and the show was about to start. Pushing the curtain closed, I threw my head back and sighed. I was never nervous, but the fact that Hazel wasn’t here, made me feel that way now.

“Come on, Haze. pick up.” I mumbled as I listened to her dial tone. Nothing. I tried again but, same result.

“My man, Ph-1!”

Quickly turning around, I spotted Mr. Jay Park, himself. My mouth hung open a little and I smiled. “What the hell.” I laughed. “You didn’t think I was going to miss this, did you?” we gave each other a quick handshake. “How did you know i was performing tonight?” I asked.

“I stalked your instagram dude. It was actually everywhere on my feed. A few people sent it to me and told me to come and check you out. I'm here with my team.” Jay turned around and pointed to about ten people standing behind him. “Okay, so you roll deep?”

I was shocked that he was here. We talked a few times via dm on instagram and he did say that he liked my music, but I didn't actually think that we would meet in person.

“I wanna run a few things by you tonight.” he said with a huge smile on his face. “It’s an offer you can’t refuse man.”

Hazel’s POV

Laying on my side, I curled into a ball as best as I could. All I wanted was Junwon.

“Hazel?” I heard Zoey’s voice. I shot my gaze to the entrance of my room and there she stood along side with Sapphire, in hospital gowns. I immediately started crying.

“I’m so happy you guys are okay.” Sitting up slowly, I stood to my feet and opened my arms. They both ran over to me and gently hugged me.

“I’m so sorry..” Zoey mumbled.

“Don’t be. This wasn’t your fault, Zoe.”

She cried on my shoulder before pulling away. “I shouldn’t have drove in the first place.

Sapphire wrapped her arm around my sisters shoulder. “Stop beating yourself up over this. we’re all fine and everything's okay.”

“How are you guys?” I asked sitting back down on the bed.

“Just a sprained wrist, thank god.” Sapphire announced with a soft chuckle. Zoey nodded. “Just a few bruises, but i’m okay.”

“Woojae’s here and he’s worried sick about all of us.” Sapp announced. “So, he went to go get some real food.”

“And Junwon?” I mumbled. “He probably hates me for missing the show.”

Zoey shook her head. “I don’t even think he knows, Hazel.”

I sighed.

“He can’t be mad after he finds out.” Sapphire said approaching the side of the bed. “Do you know his number by heart, we can call him right now.”

I shook my head as she picked up the phone, ready to dial. “I don’t even know my mom’s num- Oh my god! Mom.”

Zoey sat down next to me. “She’s on her way. I already know that I’m so dead when she gets here too.” She admitted.

“She’ll be happy that we’re alive Zoe, stop.”

later that night

the ride home was quiet. mom and her boyfriend sat in the front seat, holding hands like they were on a romantic boat ride of something. yeah, she was worried, but i was expecting a different outcome.

zoey’s head was rested on my shoulder and she was slowly falling asleep. i winced as pain shot through my back. i lied to the doctors when i told them i was fine. i just wanted to go home, badly. tonight was a complete mess and i just wanted to be in my bed.

getting up the stairs, zoey helped me to my bed.

“you know i can walk on my own.” i joked. she didn’t respond. i watched as she pulled back my sheets and picked out a pair of pajamas for me.

“sheesh, shut up- will ya?” i chuckled.

her eyes shot up and she had the look of a baby deer, who was lost in the woods.

“i said it’s not your fault.” i calmly repeated. zoey looked down at started to play with the fabric on the sheets.

“i feel like it is though..”

i slowly climbed into my bed and zoey did the same.

Junwon’s POV

after the performance, i waited outside the venue and expressed how extremely happy i was that everyone came.

as the crowd started to die down, i leaned against the hood of my car and dialed hazel’s number again. still nothing, so i decided to leave her a voicemail.

i was pissed.

why would she just diss me like this?

beep

“hey..i don’t know where you are or if you’re still mad at me or whatever. i think it’s pretty fucked up that you missed my show tonight.”

i sighed and paused for a moment.

“you’re probably with bryan.”

just saying his name made my blood boil.

“i dont even know why you’re with the kid. how do you ditch me for someone who doesn’t value you, hazel? i’m always fucking there for you and you know i value your time and i would never-”

i stopped myself.

“i just feel so damn stupid cause i had something really special planned for you.. for us, and you just.. whatever”

hanging up the phone, i shut my eyes and clenched my jaw.

“trouble in paradise?” i heard jay’s voice say. i quickly switched up my attitude and chuckled. “nah, i'm definitely single, bro.”

the words pinched my sides.

“well, you’re in luck cause someone was really feelin the show.” jay nodded in the direction of a small framed girl who stood just off to the side, with the rest of his crew. i glanced over at her and she smiled, tucking some hair behind her ear.

i thought of hazel for a moment.

she’s got an entire boyfriend, so who cares if i entertain this chick.

“she’s single.” he added.

smiling back at her, i felt my anger slowly disappear.

“so, how does korea sound bro?” jay asked as he changed the subject.

caught off guard, i furrowed my brows. “what?” i turned my attention back to him.

“i wanna sign you. but i need you in korea.” jay laughed. my eyes got big. “wait, you wanna sign me?” i said confused. “why else did you think i showed up tonight? i wanted to see if you were down to be apart of h1ghr music.”

what he was saying, still wasn’t connecting in my head. “so, you wanna sign me?” i repeated. jay rolled his eyes in a playful manner.

“yes, dude. think about it. here’s my number.” he said slipping me a piece of paper. “think about it and get back to me by the end of next week.”

i took the paper and glanced at it.

“we’re going to an after party at this club, wanna join us? tons of beautiful ladies will be there, plus your little secret admirer.” he said rubbing his hands together. “maybe you guys can get to know each other.”

the next day

Hazel’s POV

the next morning, i woke up to laughter coming from downstairs. i furrowed my brows and sat up, making my way to the hallway.

i tilted my head as i heard sapphire’s voice.

“sapp?” i yelled out. “haze? you awake?” her voice was happy and i could tell she was skipping over to me by the sound of her shoes.

“hi.” she said looking up at me. i leaned over the ponywall and smiled down at her. “what are you doing here?” i laughed. “get yourself together, you’re coming with me today.”

i shook my head. “for what?” sapphire groaned and stomped up the stairs. “go! zoey needs to get herself together too. we’re going to be late.”

“late for what?” i asked.

moments later

getting in the car with sapphire, i sighed. it felt so weird to be in a vehicle after the accident.

“so, where are we going exactly?” zoey said strapping her seatbelt on.

“my house- we need a girly time and i’m also throwing a party tonight and i need some help setting up.” she smiled back at zoey through the review mirror.

i looked over at sapphire. “a party? sapphire, we just got into a car accident. how do you have to energy to have a party?” i said annoyed.

she rolled her eyes and sighed as she began driving. “look, we almost lost our lives last night. by the grace of god, we’re alive and that deserves to be celebrated.”

as we pulled up to sapphire’s house, zoey gasped. “no way! this is your freakin house?” she shouted. sapphire laughed. “its my parents’ house, i just happen to be their roommate.”

walking in, zoey grabbed my hand- squeezing it tight.

“remind me why you’re always at our house.” i said sighing. every time i walked into sapphire’s house, i instantly felt like a peasant.

“cause, it’s too quiet here. i hate it. the place is too big for just one person all the time.” she wined.

as we walked through the entrance, she lead us up the double stairs and into her room.

sapphire’s room

“sapphire, you’re not allowed to come over anymore. we’re moving in.” zoey said standing in the door frame. sapphire laughed. “be my guest. my parents are never here.”

later that night

looking through sapphire’s closet, i groaned. “sapp, i wont be able to pull any of these off. can’t i just stay up here while you have your party?”

she shot her eyes up from her phone. sapphire was busy sending out invitations via text message and dm.

“absolutely not. now move.” she laughed. making her way towards her closet, she went straight to a tan dress with sleeves. “this. now go get dressed so we can do your hair.” sapphire patted me on the head and shooed me away.

“as for the princess, this one will look amazing on you.”

as i walked past zoey, her eye lit up and i shook my head.

hazel’s outfit:

sapphire’s out:

zoey’s outfit:

as the house started to fill with people and the music blasted, i felt so out of place. zoey was out in the center of the floor, dancing with sapphire like we never got into an accident in the first place. i didn’t want to do much moving since my back was on fire. even these heels were hard to walk in.

i walked over to the kitchen, grabbing something to drink. i said hi to a few familiar faces then made my way back over to the bottom of the stairs and took a seat. i kept a close eye on zoey, since wondering eyes were already drooling over her. as i took a sip of my drink, i heard sapphire squeal.

that was the ‘woojae just walked into the room’ squeal.

i turned towards the door and seen him and junwon walking inside. i dropped my drink, letting it spill all over my dress.

he was with another girl.

she was glued to his side as they pranced through the crowd of people. sapphire’s smile instantly faded as she spotted the female with junwon.

#ph1 #ph1fanfic #ph1boyyy #h1ghrmusic #h1ghrgang #Jay Park #park junwon

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prof-peach · 6 years ago

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do you have any advice on bonding with an ivysaur? we were so closed when he was a bulbasaur but after he evolved it’s just not the same, it’s very difficult for me to take care of him since he’s always hiding and running away from the rest of my pokemon, i feel like he wanted to evolve but maybe he felt pressured and i don’t know how to fix this :( he’s flower is also a weird orangy color, it looks kinda pale? HELP PLEASE

From the sounds of things your pokemon did rush into this decision a little, and its more common than you’d think. You have to almost re-teach your pokemon its self worth. A difficult process with a lot of steps that take long periods of time. This process is not for the feint of heart.Whatever bond you shared with your pokemon before it evolved will have been scrapped in its head. Change can be had for some species to grasp, especially if you use to do a lot together that was physical. Cuddling and picking up a Bulbasaur is easy, but an Ivysaur? Less so. Its little changes like weight and height that can cause some pokemon to become very uncomfortable in their skin, and showing them that they are perfect as they are, is the first step in the right direction.I advise you go to their home, wherever you found them, or wherever they originated from (Your pokemon’s ID number will indicate this, alternatively your professor should know) Go without other pokemon. The interference of others will cause this to be a longer more difficult process for both you and your Ivysaur. You almost have to begin your journey as a trainer again, rekindle the bond between you both, and teach your friend to see their worth again.Some report that this is tough because of a language barrier, but honestly you just need to be observant, body language is clear as crystal once you start to see it.Taking them home to their roots will bring it home to your pokemon that they are not unusual, and that the changes they went through are entirely normal. Interacting with its own kind is key for this, not too many at once of course but maybe one, then a couple more and so on, until they feel more comfortable. Bonding between Bulbasaur evolutions is done with head touches and vine games, our equivalent would be slapsies (with hands) or patta-cake. You could spend time online searching for people in the local area who also have Bulbasaur based species, and arrange meet-ups with them, if going to your pokemon’s home location is not possible.Whatever you do, don’t stress them out with other pokemon outside of its own species for now. While they interact with others of their kind, stay back, let them hash things out, and talk in their own spacial way, there may be a moment where dominance is established and that will quickly fade as one prevails, or they may be peaceful and passive towards them.Once there interacting with their own kind it wont take long for them to feel a little more comfortable, and after a while you’ll notice they begin to stand closer to you, even just by a few steps. They will perhaps come to you for support when others of their kind show hostility, and the beginnings of joy may creep through a long while. This is not an easy process, i have been fostering many pokemon with this issue for many years now, and it is a type of personality disorder that comes with either evolution or trade, and by no means should you feel like you are to blame for this at all. Its proven to be an issue with the changes in their life and body.Start there and see how you go, encourage fun, keep them away from other species until you can openly interact with them without them running away, keep treats in your pocket, and try to big them up as much as you can, compliment them, show them both bulbasaur and Venasaur, you have to instil confidence in the pokemon you have, if you are brave, and feel good, they pick up on that, and will begin to follow suit. reassuring them that they are still your beloved team mate, despite the change is the only thing you can do until they begin to believe in themselves again.

If you get an opportunity to view any strong battles that a Venasaur is partaking in (sometimes leagues have lineups) it’d help your parter to see the potential he could have, and see that others like him are out there living their life well, and that they have the ability to do the same, be it 1st or 3rd evolution.

I may just like to add that Ivysaur is the most anxious of the evolution line, they are at their most chemically imbalanced, and often have little personality changes at this point. They can even out if they choose to evolve again, but of course do not try to move ahead to fix this issue, this is clearly not a problem that can be fixed with a simple evolution.Whatever may have pushed your pokemon to evolve, you must confront it together in your own time, when they are ready to face it, though it will be a long while before it is comfortable for that.As a final note, you mentioned their flower being orange in colour, if this has always been the case since evolution then it could very well just be a variant of the species, and if he has no other seemingly obvious traits (tiredness, anger, low/high apetite ect) then it is harmless. All plant based pokemon have set genetics determining their pigments, the colours they end up being. As a rule of thumb, Anthocyanins produce blue, purple, red and pink colours, and then theres Carotenoids, that create the warmer colours like yellows, oranges, and richer red shades. Their colouring could be changed by temperature, sunlight, PH of the water and food they consume, and nutrient levels. A simple blood test will indicate whats going on with their pigments and levels, and i advise taking them to a pokecentre for a little test, so you know whats either missing or in place with your pokemons body. It could very well just be taht they dont have an average coloured flower, and is perfectly harmless, either way, its better to be safe than sorry.Its a long fix, could take months, could take years, but you must try, good luck with the first few steps and socialising, i hope to hear of improvement someday!

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antihero-writings · 6 years ago

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The Things We Say Aloud—Pandora Hearts Fic for Phmonth18 Rainsworth Trio Week—Prompt 2: Family (Full Fic)

Fic Title: The Things We Say Aloud

Fic Synopsis: The Rainsworth Trio has a tradition of midnight snowball fights. But what if this is Break’s last?

Notes: This is another fic I wrote last Christmas (for the prompt “Rain”), but I think will work well for Phmonth18. I think it works best for the Rainsworth Trio Prompt 2: Family. You don’t have to have read the previous Christmas fic to understand it, but they are supposed to take place in the same year, and there are a few connections/references between them. (The other one is called “In Plain Sight” and you can read it on this blog, and/or at I_prefer_the_term_antihero ‘s Ao3!)

Out of all the PH fics I’ve written so far, this is honestly probably my favorite. I would deeply appreciate it if you commented to let me know you enjoyed it!

I feel like the Rainsworth Trio–especially Sharon and Break–don’t really talk about Break’s death, even though they know it’s coming. I thought it would be interesting to explore how such a conversation would go, and almost made myself cry writing it!

Also, point of interest, a song that I think works really well for the section of this fic where Break is pondering if it will be his last Christmas is “Into the Open Air” from the Brave soundtrack.

P.S. This is a repost of an old fic!

Fic:

Rain pounded its tune on the roof. It was the kind of rain that swarms the air, making it misty, grey, and cold with the buzzing of a thousand tiny drops.

It wasn’t that he disliked the rain. There will always be something about the rain that’s soothing to people dealing with sorrow. But rain like this; that pounds, and pounds, and doesn’t dissipate, sometimes serves to extend the mistiness inside too. Though it could be a rest, a relief, people like him always pray for the sun to come back. For sunny days and summer light were something people like him, with red eyes, and a past full of sin, knew they didn’t deserve, but couldn’t help seeking all the same.

Xerxes Break walked through the hallway of the Rainsworth manor. He wore his turquoise and gold outfit, half of his white hair falling across his shoulder, the other, shorter side, messily added to the covering the bandages provided—bandages over the place where his left eye should have been, though it rarely bled anymore.

As he passed by one of the rooms, he saw Sharon. She looked so small, but so regal, sitting on the windowsill, with her back to the glass, now frosted with condensation. Her chestnut hair was pulled back with a ribbon, and she was wearing her little pink dress. The little girl was pouting, staring at the ground, her arms folded over her chest in the characteristic expression children wear when they don’t get their way.

He paused, resting his hand on the doorframe.

She lifted her head.

When she met his eyes, he remembered very quickly that was not in his skill set to comfort little girls.

When he glanced back, she was giving him a look that said Well? Aren’t you going to come comfort me?

He knew better than to disobey such a look. He took a deep breath and walked in, hopping up on the windowsill next to her.

Like the rain, it wasn’t that he disliked kids, he just didn’t know how to deal with them. When they cried and threw tantrums…in short, he didn’t know how to deal with emotion (well, strong ones anyways). He couldn’t help hoping that kids like her could stay happy, and innocent forever. Like he had hoped for his young mistress from another time, and seen it go so very wrong, then later heard, through his own interference, that he had made it go far worse. But children would have to get hurt, they would have to grow up, some day. And in turn, they would become the kinds of creatures who hurt, and caused pain, who even killed, and made excuses for it…creatures like himself.

Luckily, he found that Sharon was a much happier, much kinder, much stronger child than most.

When she didn’t speak—(he didn’t dare ask, for fear of making it worse)—he turned to look outside the window.

“Xerx-niisan,” she began at last, “Why is the sky crying?”

He turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?”

They weren’t siblings; they weren’t even remotely related. But for some reason, the name fixed itself in her mouth, and nothing he did or said could change that.

She could be a little tyrant sometimes.

At his misunderstanding, she continued to pout, averting her eyes. Then she jerked back to look at him, (he flinched a little), and said in a high pitched voice, “It’s almost Christmas! Why is it raining? It should be snowing!”

“Oh,” he relaxed a little, contemplating his response, “Well…it’s not going to stop raining just because you want it to. Sometimes,” he gave a sardonic smile that was more painful than the frown that seemed fixed on his face, looking away into the rain, as if he would find answers reading the drops, “things…people…that should be happy, just can’t be. And no matter how much you want something…”

He trailed off, and when he turned back, he saw tears welling in her eyes.

Nice going, Xerxes, you barely have to open your mouth to make a little girl cry.

There they were, brimming to the surface: all those emotions he didn’t know what to do with. He could only sit there, waiting for her own brand of rain to start, wanting more than anything to escape, to not have to figure out the right words to fix her.

It was the crying he hated the most. Maybe it was because it reminded him too much of a certain day, long ago, of a certain girl…but the snow did fall that day…

Still, he wasn’t going to tell her that if she just wished hard enough, if she believed in hope, the-general-goodness-of-the-world-and-its-inhabitants, and maybe a little bit of magic, that the snow would fall, that she could change things. Wishes were dangerous things, and he didn’t suggest anyone make them. You never know who, or what, might be listening.

Fortunately, before the tears reached her cheeks, Sharon’s mother, Shelly Rainsworth, appeared at the doorway. She looked almost exactly like an older version of her daughter, the same chestnut hair, the same smile that shined with a light of its own.

Upon seeing the tearful look on her daughter’s face, she marched into the room, put her hands on her hips, and turned to Break.

“Xerxes,” she said his name like he really was Sharon’s brother, “what did you say to her?”

“Why do you assume it was my fault, Shelly-sama?” he muttered, sounding like the child she was calling out.

“Let’s just say you have a habit of stepping on people’s feelings.”

He sighed. “I was only telling her that it won’t start snowing simply because she wants it to.”

“It’s almost Christmas, mother!” Sharon said like she was pleading her case, the tears reappearing in her eyes.

Shelly smiled, shaking her head.

“What am I going to do with you two?” she crouched down in front of Sharon, and paused, contemplating her own question for a moment. “Tell you what, sweetie; I can’t promise it’ll start snowing because you want it to, but I can promise this:” she pushed her daughter’s tears away, “The moment it starts snowing—or, I suppose,” she interrupted herself, “the moment there’s enough snow on the ground, but no later!—we’ll go outside, and have a snowball fight. How does that sound?”

“Really?” Sharon raised her head, the sadness lifting a little.

“Even if I’m busy, or it starts snowing in the middle of the night,” Shelly elaborated, grinning, “No, especially, if it’s in the middle of the night,” she placed a finger on Sharon’s nose, at which the little girl giggled, “I’ll wake you up—or you me—then, while everyone else is asleep, we’ll run around the house in just our pajamas and coats, we’ll wake Xerxes—”

“What?!” Break blurted out.

“Yes, we’ll wake Xerxes,” she repeated smirking, “drag him outside—”

“Do I get a say in this?!”

“Nope,” she grinned mischievously, “Don’t think I’m letting you get out of this one.”

“Tch.” He looked away.

She walked calmly to the couch, picked up one of the pillows, as if she was going to fluff it, brought it over to them, and smacked him with it.

He growled, his red eye starting to blaze, like some caged beast.

She threw the pillow back onto the couch, sighing, saying seriously, “I don’t want you sitting here on this windowsill forever…I know, somewhere inside you, there’s someone…” she pondered it, then smiled, saying simply, “Someone who’s not afraid. You’re stronger than you think. Deep down, I think, these sorts of things that seem childish, like snowball fights, and tea-parties,” she smirked, “fun things, you actually enjoy.”

He looked away, as if knowing he could only disappoint her.

She added softly, placing a finger on his chin, making him look at her,

“We’ll see that smile someday, Xerxes Break.”

He stared at her as she took her fingers away, then he blinked, averting his eyes again. murmuring something about, “Really, Shelly-sama…I’d just ruin—”

“Sharon,” Shelly interrupted his mutterings, turning to her daughter, “Do you think Xerxes should sit here sulking, day in and day out, or do you think he should join our snowball fight?”

“Xerx-niisan should come with us!” she didn’t even take a breath before she answered.

He stared into the little girl’s eyes, so full of hope, no question, no hesitation, just…kindness, endless kindness.

Shelly smiled at her daughter, which turned into devious smirk when she looked at him.

“Checkmate.”

He bit his lip before jumping back down to the ground, muttering incoherently his displeasure, knowing once they were set, he couldn’t change their minds.

They could be tyrants sometimes.

Most people wouldn’t have gone near him, much less want him to be a part of something…well, fun. He knew what people said about him. It didn’t matter, it had been a long time since he had cared what other people thought, plus, he more than welcomed the lack of company. But, the thing is, he knew they were right; he was creepy, and dark, and very, very dangerous. So, he too, often wondered why they had taken him in, why they treated him like something worth saving, worth dragging out of bed for snowball fights, and tea-parties, rather than being sure, like rest of the world was—like he was—that he would just darken everything with any amount of light in it.

That’s what Children of Misfortune were for, right?

A little girl, who should have been more scared of him than anyone, who should’ve wanted him as far away from her and her snowball fights than anyone, could not only go near him, but fail to hesitate as she bounded up to this dark-and-dangerous man, looked into that blood-red eye, and asked him why the sky was crying, gave him flowers, and called him “brother.”

And that was worth more to him than he would ever dare admit aloud.

*****

It was from nightmares about knights, and blood, little girls, dolls, and names that he never mentioned, that Xerxes Break awoke from.

Breath and heartbeat weighed heavily on his chest. Once the memories faded enough for him to remember that, though it may have been real, it was not now, he gritted his teeth together, slamming his fist into the wall behind him. He didn’t care how much pain was pulsating through his hand.

If only it would take his mind off the throbbing in his empty eye socket.

If he had been a weaker man, perhaps he would have screamed, even cried, perhaps he would have whispered something pitifully to the sheets about not wanting to remember again, not wanting nightmares like this one to show their faces in his head. But he had already made a wish, and these nightmares were its descendants. He didn’t have the authority to dream anymore.

All he had was the anger and regret surging through his body, and nowhere for it to go, except make his past a weapon that shattered him just as much as it did his enemies, into glass shards, and cold bones, and bloodstained roles.

Still, there was some part of him that hoped after so many years they would have stopped haunting him. And sure, maybe it wasn’t every night, but they did come. Perhaps that’s why they call them ghosts; There were too many horrors to be reminded of, too many sins to feel guilty for, too little he could do to fix it, and the nightmares were all too eager for the task. One lifetime was not enough for them to let him forget.

They say ‘there’s no rest for the wicked’, and his mind was often cruel enough to remind him.

When he raised his gaze, he saw that the curtain was open just slightly, and something in the sliver of window flickered.

The Mad Hatter sighed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

It was awfully cold.

He stepped up to the window, gently pulling back the curtain, just enough so he could see.

He drew in a breath softly, his eye widening at the view:

It was snowing.

There was enough moonlight to see flakes falling upon the grounds—which were cloaked in white by now.

Like that time years ago, for the whole month, the only thing that fell from the clouds was rain, and finally, the sky decided that Christmas Eve was no time to be laying in bed, sleeping, or else dreaming about past follies.

“Well, Shelly-sama, what do you think?” he spoke softly to the merciful sky, “One last snowball fight?” he paused a moment, turning, leaning against the window, as if waiting for an answer to be whispered in his ear.

He stepped over to his wardrobe, throwing a coat over his pajamas, taking up some winter gloves, putting on socks and boots, and, as always, placing Emily on his shoulder (she wouldn’t want to miss this).

Lighting the candelabra on his nightstand, he ventured into the hallway, making his way toward Sharon’s bedroom.

Opening the door as quietly as he could, he walked in, setting the light on her nightstand.

Sharon was sleeping soundly on her curtained bed, her hair splayed all over the sheets, wrinkled in the night’s sleep, and she hugged her pillow.

He resisted the urge to laugh at her un-proper appearance.

Break sat on the side of her bed, by her head, saying quietly,

“Ojousama.”

She stirred in her sleep, muttering something indecipherable.

He gently ran his hand through her hair, saying louder, “Sharon.”

She blinked open fuchsia eyes to see her servant.

“Break,” she muttered his name softly.

Slowly, she sat up, yawning, looking around.

“Break, what’re you…?” she began, fatigue weighing down her words, then shook it away by shaking her head, “What are you doing in my room?! In the middle of the night! How dare you wake me up!”

He knew what was coming next: she grabbed one of the pillows, and he dodged it before she hit him with it. “Do you think you can just come in here as you please?!”

“Really, Ojousama,” he laughed, standing back up, “You think I’d risk injury without good reason?”

She folded her arms over her chest, pouting. He walked over to the window, throwing open the curtain, standing beside it.

“This better not be one of your pranks, Break,” she muttered, walking over to the window.

“Relax. When have I ever been that cruel?”

She glared at him, as if to say I-could-name-a-few-times, then turned to the window, surveying the landscape outside.

Her aggravated expression broke for widened eyes and a smile.

“Break!” she exclaimed, all grievance forgotten, grabbing his hands and spinning him around, “It’s snowing!!” she let go of him, and jumped up on the bed, repeating, “It’s snowing!! It’s snowing!!”

He smirked, folding his arms over his chest; No matter how old she really was, she still looked like that little kid to him.

“What do you say?” he helped her down from the bed, “One last snowball fight?”

“What are you talking about ‘one last’?” she grabbed the pillow and managed to catch him off guard this time. “You better not be talking about that again!”

She didn’t wait for him to respond as she dropped the pillow and ran over to her wardrobe, found a little coat to throw over her nightshirt, boots, and gloves, then handed him a ribbon to tie her hair back.

“Ready?” he tapped her on the shoulder when he had finished tying her hair.

She nodded, beaming.

They weren’t too far from Reim’s room when Break asked her to hold the candelabra, and stepped down the stairs to the front door.

“Where are you going?” she asked, “Reim’s room is this way.”

“This will only take a moment,” he grinned.

She put her hand on her hip, scowling at him as he ran out the front door. Quickly he returned, with the first snowball in his gloved hand.

“Break! Just what are you intending to do with that?!”

“You’ll see!” said Emily.

Sharon sighed, placing her head in her hand.

Reim stayed at the Rainsworth’s often enough that he had his own room (albeit, not a very fancy one). They quietly entered it to see the servant laying on a bed, much neater than either of theirs, facing away from them. His glasses, and some extra paperwork he just couldn’t leave at work, lay dormant on his nightstand.

Break tiptoed up to his friend, gently pulled back the collar of his shirt, and stuffed a snowball down the back of his shirt.

It was a moment before it took effect, but when it did, Reim skyrocketed out of bed, dancing around, until the snow fell onto the floor.

Break could barely contain his laughter.

He rested his hands on his knees panting. When he regained his bearings enough to figure out what had just happened, and saw Break laughing, he shouted,

“XERXES, YOU BASTARD!!”

Reim lunged at Break, at which the older man only needed to step out of the way, to make Reim trip onto the floor.

“Yes, a tired Reim-san, without his glasses, is definitely a match for me,” he remarked, leaning over him,

“A normal Reim-san isn’t exactly a match either!” Emily squeaked.

“Now, now Emily,” Break chided his doll playfully, “we mustn’t rub this sort of thing in people’s faces.”

“I’m gonna kill you,” Reim’s voice was muffled by the floor

Break laughed, “Is that so?”

“All in good fun!” Emily chirped.

“It’s not fun for me!” he retorted, sitting up, “How can your idea of fun be tormenting your best friend!” Reim got up off the floor and sat on his bed.

“Come now, Reim-san, ‘torment’ is a little harsh, don’t you think?”

“I meant what I said! I mean, who in their right mind thinks a good way to wake their friend up is to stuff freezing-cold snow—”

He interrupted himself, looking at each of them with question in his eyes. He repeated the word, “Snow…?”

Sharon and Break grinned at each other.

Break helped his friend up, saying, “And whoever said I was in my right mind? Didn’t you know? All the best people are mad.”

Reim rolled his eyes.

Sharon and Break stepped up to the window to unveil the answer to his question. Reim followed to inspect the view outside.

Then he looked at each of them, shaking his head and smiling. “Really, you two, after all these years…”

He trailed off, going over to his wardrobe to put on the winter clothes he kept there.

They barely had time to blow out the candles before Sharon grabbed both their hands and dragged them out into the moonlit hall.

They were like little kids trying to get a peek at Santa; bumbling down the hall, almost falling over each other, shushing each other, as they made their way through the manor, down the stairs, out the front door, into the cold grounds.

Even with their winter clothing, the cold still crept in. The snow muffled ordinary sounds, falling seamlessly, sparks of scattered moonlight gleaming off the flakes.

“So, we’ll—” Reim was interrupted by Break throwing a snowball at the back of his head.

“Oy! I was talking!” he whirled around.

“What’s there to talk about, Reim-san?” Break tossed another snowball up and down in his hand.

“I was simply—”

This time it was Sharon who threw the snowball at his face.

“Nice shot, Ojousama,” Break mentioned.

“Thank you,” she grinned, “You’re next, Xerx-niisan.”

“Alright, you two are going down,” Reim challenged.

“That’s more like,” Break smirked.

It didn’t make sense that three adults could have so much fun doing something so childish as playing in the snow. But between exploding snow and shouting, their laughter was what radiated like light from the scene. Maybe they forgot they weren’t children, they forgot that they had grown up things to do, responsibilities to attend to, and that the world was really comprised of blood and pain, and worthless names, not innocence and friendship.

The mad tea party, forever trapped in a moment, forgotten by time.

It was a while later when another voice broke through:

“Hey, what are you guys doing?”

They paused, turning to see Oz at one of the balconies.

“Our humblest apologies, Oz-sama!” Reim shouted back, bowing low, “We didn’t intend to be so loud!”

“No worries!” he yawned, “Are you…having a snowball fight?”

“That’s right, Oz-kun,” Break answered, “Would you like to join us?”

“Really?! You’ll let me?!”

“Sure,” he tossed a snowball up and down in his hand again, “but we certainly won’t be going easy on you!”

Oz beamed. “Hang on a sec! Lemme grab Gil and Alice!”

Not long afterwards, they heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Gilbert and Alice shouting, and they their annoyed faces appeared on the balcony.

“Why are you three having a snowball fight at 6:00 in the morning!” Gilbert yelled down to them.

“Oh? You scared you didn’t make the cut?” Break taunted . “Clown! Is this your doing?!” Alice demanded, “I’ll come down there and make you pay for waking me up!”

As Break spoke to them, Reim saw it as an opportunity to get his own revenge, and snuck up behind him. Break, of course, still heard him coming and, once again, tripped him, as he got close.

Break walked around him in a circle, grinning shaking his head, “You’re going to have to try harder than that to beat me.”

Reim gave an expression akin to Gilbert’s evil eye.

Break kicked some snow onto his head as he walked by, just to rub it his face (quite literally).

Oz, Gilbert, and Alice tumbled down the front steps, already laughing and yelling at each other before they even joined the fight.

“Well look who it is,” Break taunted, leaning over them, then Emily continued,

“The dumb bunny, the spoiled brat, and—” he didn’t get to finish, because the two lunged at him.

There weren’t really any teams, or way of keeping score—it was everyone against everyone else, though each of them had their own approach: Gilbert had a more meticulous method; creating a stash of snowballs, and walls to hide behind, (often getting hit in the building process). Oz was would sneak up on people, and took particular pleasure in knocking down, or stealing, Gil’s hard work, while Alice ran around pelting everyone in sight, holding a particular grudge against anyone who landed a hit on her (who were mostly Break and Oz).

Near the end of their fight, as Break snuck up on Sharon, just about to land a hit on her, he found himself falling, and was then somehow on the other side of the yard,

He paused to regain his bearings, and stood back up to his full height, quickly discerning what had happened.

“Is that really fair, Ojousama?” he called across the yard, knowing she had used her Chain.

She chuckled like it was a trivial offense, “Since when have you cared what’s fair Xerx-niisan?”

Well, she got me there.

It was at this moment he felt a rush of cold! against his neck, and tensed, resisting the urge to spill some choice words. He spun around to see that Reim had been waiting behind a nearby tree and, as he addressed his mistress, Reim had managed to get the perfect revenge.

Break pulled back his shirt to make sure the snow fell, scowling at his friend.

“Say it,” Reim folded his arms over his chest.

“What? That you got me?”

Reim’s expression was unmoving.

“I’ll say nothing of the sort, Reim-san,” he flicked his glasses, “After all, you merely copied me. You should be more creative next time.”

Reim’s fingers curled into fists, practically growling at him.

“I didn’t know we could use Chains!” Oz called, running up to them, having noticed Sharon’s expert use of Eques, (but not the following exchange between Break and Reim.)

“Seaweed-head! Release my limiter!” Alice shouted when she heard, “I want to smash the clowny bastard to smithereens!”

“Is that so?” Break called, “You really want to go down that path, Alice-kun?” Break smirked evilly, “My Mad Hatter would destroy you before Gilbert-kun even had the chance.”

“You wanna go, clown!” Alice hollered, and Gilbert had to hold her back to keep her from rushing at him with teeth and claws.

Reim looked worried, and Oz—wearing a similar expression—spoke in hushed tones, “No, Alice! You don’t want to go up against his Mad Hatter!”

“Try me, Manservant!”

“Break! No one wants to see you killing yourself over some stupid fight with some little girl!” Gilbert scolded.

“Oy! Who you callin’ ‘some little girl’?!” Alice snapped at Gilbert.

That seemed to return Reim to his senses,

“That’s right!” Reim scolded, “What did I tell you about being reckless with your powers?!”

“Always so tense, you two,” he walked up to Alice and ruffled her hair, “I’m only teasing.”

Alice broke free, and the fight resumed, though the others were glad to see neither managed to draw blood, and that it quickly returned to the antics of the snowy game.

And for one brief moment, Break forgot about everything else. About the nightmares, the regrets, and the answers he clung to so desperately as a reason to keep himself from falling further. And for one moment, he could see those flickering lights behind dark eyes, and he was happy he could feel the cold biting his skin, he was happy he could see their faces—rosy-cheeked, all smiles and laughs, even if they were yelling at him—for one precious flicker of a moment, he was happy to be alive.

That moment would end. The shadows would crawl back from the corners of his mind, the smiles would become fake again, the world would become a wax museum of happiness. Reasons that were just that, empty reasons; desire had left them behind in an alleyway long ago, for better, darker wishes. The pain would come back, and once again he’d convince himself, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care about them. About what happens to me. The snow white chaos would return to tears too fast. But in this moment, it was okay. He was okay.

Sharon and Reim ran at him, but instead of getting out of the way, this time he let them bowl him over, the three of them collapsing in the snow.

Shock flitted across their faces, which broke for smiles.

He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell them over and over I love you both so very much. But he wasn’t the only one who knew that those words falling from Xerxes Break’s lips was all too close to admitting defeat. Because if he admitted he cared, then he wouldn’t be able to let them go when the end came. And he knew it would come all too soon. His lips wouldn’t dare betray him with such miserable words.

So they settled for a smile.

His real smile. Not the smirks and grins he gave away at a moment’s notice. The smile that was barely perceptible, but which, for them, captured within its folds more sunlight than anything else in their world.

Sharon and Reim glanced at each other, then smiled back at him, deciding not to sully the moment with words.

And, as soon as it came, the true smile was replaced with a smirk.

“You two really are gullible,” he put snow in their hair.

They jumped up, shouting his name, trying to rub it out, then quickly ran after him.

He couldn’t tell them the truth. He couldn’t tell them that he was thinking how this might be his last Christmas. He couldn’t tell them how he was wondering if they would still put his stocking on the mantelpiece when he was gone.

He didn’t get a chance to anyways, because it wasn’t long afterwards when beads of citrus and crimson light began tracing the navy sky.

They paused, panting, raising their eyes to look into the sunrise.

For a moment they stared silently at the art the morning made of daybreak, gentle smiles tracing their lips at the beauty.

Then Oz broke in, exclaiming,

“Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“Merry Christmas!” they answered, a little tiredly.

“What do you guys think?” Reim asked, “Ready to go inside?”

“Aww, but we were having so much fun!” Oz protested, trying to mask the fatigue in his voice.

“Easy for you to say, we’re exhausted!”

“To be fair, we were out here much longer than them,” Break panted, realizing just how tired he was. “Perhaps I have gotten old after all. If you youngin’s want to go on—” he flapped a shirt sleeve their direction.

“There he goes again calling himself old!”

Sharon broke in, “Don’t you want to open presents?”

“Presents?!” Oz repeated, like a dog who had seen a squirrel, glancing at Gilbert and Alice, his grin widening.

They began to make their way inside, still laughing and talking about the plays they each had made, and how they would eventually get each other back. As they walked back, instead of joining the conversation, Sharon gently tugged on the corner of Break’s coat, holding him back.

He turned to see that instead of the tired, but joy-full smile that had traced her face moments earlier, she was hanging her head low.

“Ojousama?” he asked worriedly, crouching down beside her, seeing tears begin to grace her cheeks.

The others noticed, and stopped too.

“Xerxes! What did you do?!” Reim demanded.

“Yeah, Break! How dare you make a girl cry on Christmas?!” Oz questioned, running up to her.

He rolled his eyes at them.

“I’m fine, everyone,” Sharon reassured them, giving a somewhat plastered smile, “I’ll just be a moment.”

They all glanced at each other, knowing something was clearly wrong.

“Are you sure?” Gilbert asked.

“Yeah, Sharon-chan, if you need something—”

“Yes. Please, go inside. Break and I will catch up with you.”

They glanced at each other.

“Alright, Sharon-chan. Just let us know if you need anything, okay?” Oz put a hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Oz-sama,” she smiled.

The others gave similar smiles back to her, then they gave Break a collective you-better-not-make-this-worse look before walking up the stairs into the manor.

“Sharon?” he asked softly.

No matter how many years went by, he still couldn’t handle the sight of a child in tears.

“Xerx-niisan,” he could tell she was fighting back against the tears, “What if… What if this is your last Christmas?”

He gasped; he didn’t expect her to be thinking about the same thing.

“What if…” she continued, breath taut, “What if we never get to have another snowball fight? What if…?”

“Well,” he rubbed his neck, looking away, “you and Reim can still—”

“Don’t act like everything will be the same when you’re gone!” she threw snow into his face.

He fell back onto his elbows, gently brushing it out of his hair. After a moment a laugh bubbled in his throat, and he put his hand on his face.

“What’s so funny?!” she demanded, scowling.

Obviously that was the wrong thing to do.

If only she had chosen someone else to comfort her; someone like Oz, who could read the situation, and chose his words carefully. Or Gilbert, who was sensitive enough to understand. Even Reim would be better, despite his rather unemotional, straightforward nature. But she had chosen him.

“It’s funny…to tell you the truth,” his voice became more serious, “It’s just…I was thinking about the same thing.”

Shock added to the concoction of hurt and yearning in her eyes.

“Y-You were?”

He looked at the ground and nodded ever so slightly.

“How dare you laugh at that?” she balled a fist in the snow, but the strength seemed to leave her.

She shook her head, tears fluttering back to her eyes, “You can’t…Xerx-niisan, you can’t! I…I don’t want to be alone!” she put her arms around him and fell onto him.

His eye was wide, his breath harsh and cold as he looked at the girl in his arms, forgetting for a less than a moment that she was not that little girl in a darkened room, surrounded by coffins.

He shook his head of the memory.

“You won’t be alone, you’ll have Reim, and Sheryl-sama, and—”

She lifted her head to scowl at him, as if to say must-I-repeat-what-I-said and he cleared his throat, changing his method of attack.

“Well, I won’t go down easy, that’s for sure. But, despite how it might seem,” he gently ran his finger along her cheek, giving that sad but true smile, and whispered, “I am not that strong.”

“You think you can talking about you dying all the time and I’ll just—?!” she tried to fight back, to be angry, but her words fell like the snow, and she murmured again, she let her head fall back onto his shoulder, and whispered back, “Xerx-niisan…”

He gently wrapped his own arms around her.

“I want to be there for you…” she murmured, “I don’t want you to do something stupid…You’re always running into fights without a second thought…” she sobbed for a moment before saying, “Maybe we could…maybe we could stop it? I-I could go into the fights with Eques…Oz-sama and Gilbert-sama—”

He pressed a kiss into her hair, and as she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him with the wide and teary eyes of her younger self. The look in his eyes was enough to say I’m sorry, Sharon.

“It’s just like I told you, Ojousama,” he ran his fingers through her hair, and murmured into her ear, “No matter how much I may want it to, I can’t stop it from raining.”

She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him.

“No matter how much we might want it to, we can make the snow fall. Our wishes can’t change things. Even if…” his words were blown by the wind into the stars.

She shook her head gently, murmuring that name.

“Just promise me you won’t make any illegal contracts to bring me back,” he laughed a little, which turned into a grimace, and she knew just how serious he was being.

She smiled for the first time since the conversation started. “I promise.”

For a moment they sat there, together, in a sort of limbo, watching as the sunrise turned into a light blue sky—a present sorrow caught between the earlier joy, wondering which emotion of the two would soon come. Moments were so finicky.

“I can’t promise I’ll have another Christmas, but we still have today. Let’s not waste it with talking about depressing things.”

She nodded, smiling.

He gently reached down and picked her up.

“Xerx-niisan!” she protested at first.

He touched her nose with his finger.

After a moment, as he took her inside, she rested her head against him sleepily, murmuring, “Xerx-niisan, I don’t want…I don’t want you to pretend you’re okay for my sake.”

His eye widened and he jerked his head to look at her.

“Don’t give me that look,” she responded, “I know you do it. You think I can’t handle it.”

He took a deep breath, “I’m fine, Ojousama,” he murmured, and smiled, “It’s Christmas, after all.”

She shook her head, “No you’re not!”

Once again he kissed her head gave her his real smile, “No, really, Sharon. I am. At least for today.”

The smile she returned was real too.

And that was worth far more to them than either of them needed to say aloud.

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floramodus · 6 years ago

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@windows9k and @vacantnookgurgler ig?

the main basis is what you wanna consider is what type of plants you want because just like earth various plants have adapted to various locations. that will determine things like what soil makeup it needs and amount of sunlight

but also at its most generic alternia plants need high radiation. heat is part of that but its moreso they have adapted to the high amount of radiation being pumped onto the surface. im sure some trolls on here might have access to things like bulbs with that kinda wattage but i have a few old ones for seedlings i can toss up. they dont last very long for obv.......reasons!!!

but as far as soil whether it prefers loamy or sandy, alternia has a much more rich soil structure, almost like an intense compost full of rich nutrients. the sand isnt special.

water on alternia also has a lower ph than earth. so acidic. its one of the reasons trolls skin is so thick even after the grub stage, if my samples are anythin to go by.

theres more aggressive plant life and not many ive seen also serve anything interesting like a fruit or a dietary benefit but! they can be beneficial as long as you take into account the plants traditional needs to make sure they dont overpower any earth or alternian crop its nearby. dont put a big parasite/big meat eater next to a tiny plant. ive found its convenient to plant bug eaters around similiar sized plants that produce fruit and veggies that might attract bugs. usually though if im cross planet planting ill make trenches separating the two cause alternian plants tend to be more invasive root wise trying to be greedy and its easier to make sure nothing gets root choked that way.

of course if you have any specific type of plant in mind i can give you more specific info on things like fertilizers to make earth soil come up to par and specific lighting instructions!!! and recommendations!!

#orbital scripts #long /#windows9k

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carleencl · 6 years ago

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🎤 DAY6 Youth Tour in Manila 2018 Experience

October 6, 2018 - 3 months late but all the feels during the concert is still alive and kicking! I just can’t fully put into the words on how to explain about the whole concert. I’m literally.. speechless. Anyway, this is the day that marks my first ever concert under the JYP Entertainment label. In the past, I’ve only went to K-Pop artists’ concerts under the YG Entertainment (cause I’m reallyyyy a YG Stan from the start).

This time, I have witnessed a very good artist by the name of DAY6. They are not your ordinary K-pop group since they are a band consisting of 5 members namely: Jae, Sungjin, Young K, Wonpil, and Dowoon. Each member has an instrument they are good at and also everyone sings (although Dowoon is new to singing and I believe is starting to have vocal lessons.)

DAY6 Youth Tour in Manila was instantly sold out during the ticketing day. I was relieved and thankful that my friends and I got tickets for their concert. The concert was held at KIA Theater in Cubao, Quezon City and started at 7 in the evening and ended at around 10 o’clock.

The day actually started by having to wait in a very very long line to be able to get our wrist band and another line for our sequence number as we enter the venue. If I’m not mistaken, I think it took as about 3 hours until we were able to be inside Kia Theater. Thus, once entered, I have no decent photo with the “Youth” sign since we were in the standing area, having a little bit of sore legs, and all the excitement feeling we had.

BTW, this is again another first time for me to be in the standing area. I’ve always been choosing seated area since I don’t really like being “squeezed” in a crowded area.

The band started the night with the songs: "I Smile," "First Time," and "Better, Better."

The crowd cheers as the group finished their first set. YoungK even said, “Manila, I heard you guys are great singers. I heard you guys know how to sing.” which made MyDays cheered louder.

The concert continued with the songs, “Say Wow,” “Pouring,” and “Somehow.” The feeling of all of us was literally “in the moment” of watching DAY6 perform before our eyes.

In between I think I heard Wonpil said, “Mabuhay Philippines! Ako si Wonpil. So... so hot today.”

Next songs were: “I Need Somebody,” “I Wait,” “How Can I Say,” followed by “Like That Sun.”

Everyone were extremely screaming when YoungK said, “You guys are amazing, incredible, sensational, spectacular, unbelievable. Thanks to you guys I feel really happy." Well, who wouldn’t scream, right?

More songs were played by DAY6 and it were “Be Lazy,” “DANCE DANCE,” and “What Can I Do.”

“WARNING,” “I'm Serious, “Talking To” were up next in the band’s setlist.

A little pause from all those singing to be able to talk to the fans. Jae started talking how sweaty his shirt is.

Jae: "I dont think my shirt has ever been this sweaty. You want me to take it off?"

Fans were chanting to take his shirt and Jae was like taking it off but didn’t do it. He was just teasing us! 🤣

YoungK spoke next said, “My shirt was always like this.. “ as he was referring about his sweaty shirt.

Wonpil mentioned that the food in the Philippines is delicious and then the crowd shouted “Jollibee! Jollibee! Jollibee!” Wonpil asked, “What’s Jollibee?” YoungK even asked, "you guys hungry?" And the added, "ME TOO!!"

I’m really amazed how DAY6 can perform almost non-stop but still give an amazing performance. No regrets in supporting the band. 💙

“Shoot Me,” and “Congratulations” were performed next. The fan chant for “Shoot Me” was beyond amazing since we actually sang the song with DAY6.

“Congratulations” was the song all MyDays were singing while DAY6 were playing their instruments. I also think I heard Jae say, “Beautiful“ as MyDays were singing the song.

Everyone was singing along with “You Were Beautiful,” “I Loved You,” and “I Like You.” After, Wonpil said that Filipinos are great singers.

DAY6 were hinting that the show was almost over then the crowd shouted, “walang uuwi (no one will go home).” The boys didn’t know what it means but Dowoon started playing drums with its rhythm and the others were like chanting/sang along with MyDays while saying “walang uuwi. 😂 🤣

Next song played was “Letting Go.” Jae mentioned that MyDays are beautiful - “ang ganda niyo.” Sungjin even said “mamimiss ko kayo.” The boys promised to come back in Manila.

A video was being played which is the fan project for DAY6. The video has “Beautiful Feeling” as its background music which I think is very very right with how everyone feels during that night.

Here’s the official VCR for the Fan Project:

youtube

©️ MyDays PH

After watching the fan project, DAY6 got so emotional about it and I think they were speechless during that time. The crowd were cheering “DAY6″ continuously as to show how we truly love and support them.

JAE: “I know, I know you guys have been waiting. First of, we're sorry we can't come by earlier. But, I'm so sure we're coming back to Manila. And uhmm, thanks!

I think today, was a big event for us and if you don't mind we'll go one by one to just kind of tell how we feel today. Okay, Wonpil.”

WONPIL: “So today we are finally able to perform here in the Philippines. We always thought to ourselves when will we able to come here in the Philippines and I'm so happy that we are able to perform with a hot passion from you guys. You guys are actually more than what we expected. We heard you guys actually scream from behind the scenes before we start the whole show. So I think because of that we were able to perform our very first song with a great energy.

I'm so happy we were able to perform here in the Philippines even if the Philippines is quite far from Korea. Also the fact you guys are supporting us from here is really thankful, and I'm very thankful for you guys.

I think we're going back to Korea with great memories made here and just like the title, "Youth," we are in our youth right now so I hope you guys will all have a great youth. And also, I think that we will be able to end this concert well. Mahal ko kayo!”

YOUNGK: "So it was a great honor and pleasure to hold a concert in front of you guys, Philippines, Manila. And what I felt today was like Wonpil said, even before, even from the beginning. No not even the beginning, before the beginning you guys were singing along, right? And one of the songs that I could here the loudest, “Geureol Tende” (I Would). Oh man, I was excited even at the backstage and just like Wonpil said, you guys are more than what we expected, you guys were amazing. It's just a pleasure to just sing in front of these amazing people. And I feel like every time I feel this pleasure or like this "thankfulness," I feel like I should work harder. So basically, you guys are my motivation.

So, how was today? Even though they were sad songs. Are you guys happy? Are you guys as happy as I am? (crowd says YES!) Then I guess this show is a success. And that's all I ask for, that's all I wish for. By singing in front of you guys, if you guys can feel happy, if you guys could go home. There's a line in DANCE DANCE, (speaks the Korean lyrics).

Can you please translate? (referring to the Korean translator)

"If you go home you will be satisfied for you won't forget this feeling."Are you guys gonna do that for me? (The crowd cheers, YES!)

Okay, then we will be back! Thank you Manila! Thank you and salamat po!"

DOWOON: My first time Philippines. Thank you for good memory.

This is our first time in the Philippines, right? So we were kinda worried and nervous that we might not do well here in the Philippines. But I realized I did not need to worry because you guys enjoyed so much.

Thank you all for coming tonight! Sobrang saya ng gabing ito. Tama ba? (Tonight is so much fun. Is it right?) Thank you!

SUNGJIN: First of all, I'd like to say sorry for making you guys wait a lot. When I first saw your phrase, the one you are holding up, something came up to my mind right away. Even if we have been loved for a long time, we are worth it. You guys are so worth it to be loved.

Just like what Dowoon said a while ago, we were quite nervous and worried for this concert but because of you guys were able to perform well.

So thank you so much! So until the next time, it won't take that long. Let's see each other again! Thank you!

JAE: It's really.. It's been an amazing night with all. And I have reasons to come here cause all my music inspiration are from here. Uhm you guys know, AJ Rafael? Anyway, I kinda grow up doing music through YouTube and I learned a lot from artists that are from here. And I just want to thank you guys, thank Manila, thank Philippines for giving me music pretty much.

So thank you for that and I mean like we all say before, we're really sorry we couldn't come earlier. We really want to, honestly wanted to.

The food here is good. What did I eat? Yesterday I had, I don't know if I pronounce it right but.. I looked it up, I looked it up before I came. I was like, "I gotta have, gotta have lechon." It was really really great. You guys have amazing food here.

Overall, guys I don't think I have ever sing that much, as in ever in my entire life. It was an amazing intense night. Also I think, I ever not sing the first part of "You Were Beautiful." But you guys were so loud and so beautiful, I couldn't. I just can't.Overall, tonight, I got a message for everybody, "Ang ganda niyo!" (You are beautiful)

Their words were very touching that really made every MyDay teary-eyed. DAY6 mentioned that they really wanted to come to Manila even before and were very thankful for the warm welcome for them.

Afterwards, Sungjin invited everyone to take a photo with the banner we were holding saying, “The wait was long, but you were worth it”.

Crowd were cheering for DAY6′s encore. The band sang last three songs which were “Wish,” “Freely,” and “Sing Me.”

The boys were extra hyper during the encore that even Sungjin and Jae went closer to the crowd. Lucky lucky fans who had close encounter with them! 😭

The show ended at around 10 in the evening, having 3-hour concert. I really am just at awe how good they are at performing live. 😍 I felt DAY6 is just so awesome that they deserve every recognition and future awards they’ll received. 😭

Compiled some short clips I had during the concert, and feel free to watch it.

youtube

SETLIST

I Smile First Time Better Better Whatever! Say Wow Pouring Somehow I Need Somebody I Wait How Can I Say Like That Sun Be Lazy DANCE DANCE What Can I Do WARNING! I'm Serious Talking To Shoot Me Congratulations You Were Beautiful I Loved You I Like You Letting Go Beautiful Feeling (Fan Project)

ENCORE Wish Freely Sing Me

Even though it has been three months already, the lyrics mentioned by YoungK is still true and I repeat: "If you go home you will be satisfied for you won't forget this feeling." I think I won’t forget the feeling during that night ever. To DAY6, I might be a newbie but you are so worth it in every aspect. Again, the wait was long, but you are worth it.

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shoutyfish · 6 years ago

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general betta fish care / common myths

there's a lot of myths fueled by pet store employees floating around about bettas, so the more this kind of information is spread, the better. as always i encourage everyone whose looking into fishkeeping does THOROUGH research long before getting the fish and do NOT rely on pet store employees to give u accurate information.

MYTHS TO NEVER BELIEVE

"bettas aren't good swimmers or active so they don't need big tanks and are perfectly happy in a little bowl or a flower vase"

"they're super hardy and resilient so don't worry about tank cycling"

"bettas like dirty water so don't worry about cleaning either'

"live and frozen fish food arent good for everyday feeding"

"bettas can't be kept with other fish ever bc they are extremely aggressive and will kill anything with a pulse"

(we're gonna debunk all of these (: )

the first thing that should be in your possession long before adding the fish is the tank. a lot of fishkeepers think 2.5gallons is the minimum, but personally i think 5 gallons is the minimum. 10 gallons works best. to reference, 2.5 is the minimum by AMERICAN standards, which are outdated, so many people choose to go by germany's standards instead because it's proven to be a lot more successful & up-to-date.

a 5 gallon tank is the minimum that i recommend, but 2.5 gallons are ok.

10 gallon tanks work best. the bigger your tank, the more likely your betta will grow to maximum size & beauty, the less likely chance of stunting growth.

also, 10 gallon tanks are much easier to maintain and establish a cycle, and you can even start an albeit small community tank with them. (with tank mates compatible with your betta & small enough to not outgrow a 10gal. but community tanks are a topic for another day)

properly cycled tanks reduce disease risk & encourage longevity in your betta's lifespan (i will make another post about the nitrogen cycle bc that's a lot)

THINGS YOU WILL NEED

a filter! nothing with a strong flow, though. bettas are not very good swimmers! (tip: when cleaning your tank, never rinse the filter media! it kills beneficial bacteria & basically starts your cycle all over)

a heater - bettas thrive best in 78-82 degrees F.

an aquarium thermometer

water conditioner. i recommend seachem prime - it's the BEST out there and contains helpful nutrients that get rid of bad bacteria & ammonia.

bottled bacteria, if necessary. helps kickstart the cycle of your tank.

pH and ammonia testing kits

gravel syphon for cleaning & maintenance

a net to fish out uneaten food

gravel/substrate. (tip: measure how much u need by laying the bags out across the tank box. it should fit evenly across it long-ways)

decorations!! don't get plastic plants, they can harm ur betta's fins. if ur getting fake deco, try to find silk ones or very soft ones. bettas like to be divas so make that shit pretty as hell & give them lots of places to hide. marimo moss balls are good for helping tank filtration & super easy to care for if ur interested in live plants!

INTRODUCING YOUR BETTA TO YOUR TANK

acclimation and tank cycling are still CRITICAL to a betta's life and happiness. it's true that they are resilient fish that are easy to take care of, but like any fish, they have vital comfort needs & are still going to get diseases if you don't care for your water quality!

1. when you first bring home your betta, do your final check on those water parameters. do an ammonia test in the fish's cup water to see just how much of a battle the pet store caretakers made for you. almost 100% of the time the ammonia levels will be in the danger zone.

2. this is why acclimation is so very critical. start small and take your time. empty out a bit of the cup water, add a bit of your tank water. empty out a bit more of the cup water, add a bit more of your tank water - with about 3-5 minutes in between takes. keep doing this until you have replaced most if not all of the filthy pet store cup water. (WARNING: WATCH FOR SIGNS OF SHOCK WHILE YOU ARE DOING THIS. CLAMPED FINS, THE "SHAKES", FLOATING ON ITS SIDE, ETC ARE ALL SIGNS THAT YOU NEED TO ABSOLUTELY SLOW DOWN & LEAVE THE FISH ALONE FOR A COUPLE HOURS.)

3. now float your betta. you can put them in a bag if it's easier, otherwise you can just hold the cup in the tank. let the temperature adjust & let your lil guy/gal get their first glimpses of their new home. do this for a minimum of 10 minutes

4. gently tip the cup into the water & let the beast free! continue watching for signs of shock and keep a close eye on them & your water parameters for the first couple days.

FEEDING

frozen or live brine shrimp, bloodworms, & mosquito larvae are betta favorites. when handling frozen food always rinse it out before putting it in the tank - most of the time the food is frozen in water that becomes really gross and murky. dried bloodworms also work very well. for flakes and pellets, i always recommend Omega One betta buffet flakes/pellets because their food is all natural and contains no additives/"meals" (tip: don't buy any food that lists something followed by the word "meal" in the ingredients; it's basically heavily processed food).

do NOT overfeed. honestly underfeeding is better than overfeeding. you should feed your betta once a day with as much food as they can eat in about 2 minutes. have them fast one day a week to clear their digestive system. their stomachs are smaller than their eyeballs, so really, DON'T overfeed. it can cause a lot of incurable issues AND mess with your water quality

remove any uneaten food, or if you have bottomfeeders in your tank let them have at it

bettas will literally eat six #12s, 7 medium fries and a large shake if you let them. dont let those big black eyes trick you lmao

if you have a very young betta (5-10 weeks old) feed them twice a day instead of just once. brine shrimp eggs are especially tasty for fry but if your lil guy is big enough, they can eat regular frozen brine shrimp. meaty products filled with protein help them grow the best. (bettas are full grown at 11 weeks, here is a size chart to determine your adolescent betta's age)

COMPATIBLE TANK MATES

note that even if it worked out for everyone and you've gotten 800 recommendations, things can STILL go wrong when keeping bettas with other fish. ALWAYS be prepared for an emergency move. also note that sometimes things can work perfectly fine for the first couple months and then go to shit within a couple seconds, especially when pairing young bettas with other fish. young bettas develop, you know, hormones at some point and start getting supa territorial.

also, please make sure you have the proper tank size to keep any of these fish together. i've included their adult sizes & my recommended tank size if you were to keep nothing but the betta and this species in the tank. this WILL vary.

clown plecos - 4" full grown - algae eaters - 20 gallon tank size min.

pygmy corydoras - 1" full grown - schooling fish (you will need 6 or more of these) - 15 gallon tank size min.

ember tetras - 1" full grown - schooling fish (again, 6+) - 15 gallon tank size min.

rasboras - 1" full grown - schooling fish (again, 6+) - 15 gallon tank size min.

mystery snails - 2" full grown - plant-safe snail, doesn't reproduce asexually - 5 gallon tank min.

ghost shrimp - 1.5" full grown - social shrimp (3-4 of these, any more can lead to breeding) - 10 gallon tank min.

feeder guppies - 1" full grown - normal, can live in schools but not necessary - 10 gallon tank min (larger recommended for schools)

corydoras - 2.5" full grown est. - algae eaters - 15 gallon tank min.

and there are many, many more but these are what has, to me, at least, been the least problematic tank mates for bettas. all of these fish have something about them that would deter an aggressive betta's attention, such as the armor plating on clown plecos & dull colors of the pygmy corydoras and feeder guppies.

okay, so i think this covers all the basics! if you guys have any questions, please ask! and if you have anything to add, please do! thanks for reading & happy fishkeeping xxx

#betta #fish #fishkeeping #fishblr #fish care #siamese fighting fish #betta care #i worked so hard on this post pls reblog lmao #my tips #general care #bettablr

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alltheangstmygifttoyou · 4 years ago

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Life thoughts and stuff. Nothing serious just wanted to ramble. I don’t think I need to warn for everything but if I’m wrong let me know and I’ll defiantly tag it!

When I was younger I wrote for hours straight every day no problem. Now I cant write for more than an hour at a time without feeling like I need to pass out for 3 hours. I'm not sure where my stamina went. I don’t think its because of the content, its always been dark. Maybe its because I have so much more time spent not in class, it was fun to write during class when I was supposed to be doing something else. Now if I am not listening every second during class I will fail the weekly quiz or whatever, writing isn't an option. And outside of class I can play on my phone or the computer and I should probably be doing homework. Maybe that’s the problem, there’s always homework due and I feel guilty for writing. I've been drawing less too. I was drawing everyday, now I do about two pieces a week just for class. My head has been jumping around projects for awhile. I've started another WIP this week and working on it. I haven’t worked on any of my original pieces in almost a year besides for tumblr posts. I want to work on them but the mental energy is too great and I get really stressed worrying about the public reaction to them even though I still don't have a draft that I dont want to do a complete rewrite of. Part of me wants to dive into some of my old stories again just to get that good feeling about writing back. Sometimes it feels like I just keep writing about the same thing over and over and it gets stale. I feel like I used to get more original ideas when I was younger. I read a lot more and consumed different media more. I was in band, theater, forensics, soccer, math and science center, and took creative writing at the same time my first year. I was exposed to a lot of different worlds. I now take four classes two of which are creative (acting and studio art) and two that don't really make me feel creative (research writing and sociology). Sociology stresses me out because there's a lot of political talks and it feels impossible to say the right thing and research writing is very hard for me because I do not have a high vocabulary and, as I ranted about earlier, they took all the voice out of writing papers. I am a little excited for the paper after the one I’m writing now in that class though because I get to choose the topic and I want to write about the history of censorship in fandom and how the purity based culture has switched from using religious language and reasoning to stereotypical liberal language in order to recruit people to their cause. I also want to write a paper on the discourse on the misuse of the word p*d*ph*le in online spaces. I already got permission from my teacher so that’s neat.

I’m thinking of posting some of my previous drafts of learn to be on tumblr. They're already on wattpad but they're mixed in together with other things so its hard to find. I also wrote a soulmate au for my characters that I didn’t post anywhere that I might post on here if anyone is interested. I think seeing my characters in action will help people understand them and actually care about them xD I’m not really sure of the posting etiquette on tumblr or the standards that people use so I'll learn as I go. If you have any advice I'd love to hear it!

#learn to be

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bubblegumdicc · 7 years ago

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I’ve recently been thinking how exactly periods would work for my monsters. see, I hc it as they reproduce with their souls, as most do, which means two dmab or two dfab can produce offspring together, which for two dmab would mean that after soulbonding/soulsex, if they were to get pregnant, their genitalia would slowly shift before the birth to be a puss, so ya know, they can give birth, and of course slowly shift back after the pregnancy. (This also leaves possibility for some monsters bodies not shifting like they should, causing complications and possibly surgery needed) ((rest under read more since it got much longer than I intended..))

Skeleton monsters however, (depending on how much of a hybrid/mixed they are and magic levels) typically can shift their genitalia whenever they want, so wouldn’t have quite as slow of a shift as other types of monsters and during pregnancy, they might not be able to form a dick at all (I’m not completely sure on this, as it could easily be possible for them to form a dick above the puss, which sounds more plausible tbh, but it’d take extra energy for them to do so)

Obviously in humans, only dfab have periods, but that’s bcuz they have a uterus for pregnancy, so if monsters reproduce by soul and they all have the ability to become pregnant despite their sex, that leaves the question of how their bodies work with that. Normally the uterus bleeds to shed and clean to prepare for a baby and all that. Since all monsters can become pregnant despite sex, that either means they all have some form of uterus/ect(which would mean they’re all intersex/hermaphrodite technically) OR the uterus only forms in dmab’s after soul bonding when they get preg, which I’m leaning more towards.

That option means dmab monsters would not experience a period, but can still become pregnant, which im simply not completely content with bcuz I want them to bleed.

this also brings up the existence of what heats are for, since in the animal world, they go into heat for breeding purposes. after putting thought into all this, periods and heats would technically be the same thing. You bleed and breed.

Theres also subcategories tho, like sub heat and domheats, sub being where they want to be impregnated. So this could occur randomly, some have more of one than the other ect ect. Heats also vary from monster to monster, some might have heats every Month, some only once every 2 years or something.

Perhaps dmab would then only have a period type thing if they go into a sub heat, which would make sense I think and so far is what I’m thinking I’ll go with.

Honestly this is all just my random theorizing and deep thought into fictional monster anatomy, which all started bcuz I’m a filthy fucker and wanted blood and now I’m thinking really deep into their anatomy and the fact any sex can become pregnant and I’m writing all this out to help myself think and make a desicion on whether or not heats and periods are one in the same or not, and if not, that would bring a whole dif set of questions as to why they have two separate similar things when the soul heat is the only one necessary for reproduction.

how I thought of it originally, the soul would get super drippy when in heat, and other parts, like their crotch of course, only gets drippy as a side effect of the horniness, since sex isn’t actually necessary for reproduction with monsters. And when it comes down to it, the simplest and I guess most plausible option is that they don’t have periods at all, since its all based on the soul for reproduction. But again, I want the option for any to bleed bcuz I just fuckin do that’s why.

So I’m THINKING maybe it’s random and sometimes their heats come with blood and sometimes they don’t, so they’re technically the same, just dif sub types of heat I suppose. Maybe. also im optionally thinking that the soul may bleed as well, since its the main thing, but even if its just dripping juices, i realize theyd prob need some kind of soul-pad thing so they dont leek all over their shirts. THAT HOWEVER might only be in skeleton speices, other species may just drip into their body and maybe expel the excess by pissing? whereas the skeletons have to wear something on their chest bcuz itll leak through their ectoflesh. again, not completely sure what ill go with, but when it all comes down to it, im sticking to my guns when i was asked before if they have periods, and yes they all do.

Also tacking this on as a side thought, skeleton monsters technically have no defined sex from birth, I figure they’re MAYBE born with a cloaca type thing?(essentially just a puss really, since my hc is none of them shit) tho I think dif babies come out differently, it also depends on how much of a hybrid they are, puppet for instance is only half skeleton and was born with a dick, so technically they’d be dmab. I figure most skeletons, especially the less mixed/hybrid ones, simply choose genders for their babies or leave it ambiguous until the child gets older and chooses for themself. (Though some even with a defined sex at birth child would still go with ambiguous, it’s more of choice on how to raise them.)

For further example, ph was born without an ectobody altogether, since theyre a mostly pure skeleton monster. The only reason I consider them intersex is bcuz when they do form an ectobody, what ‘comfortably’ forms for them is a mix of both parts, but the basis of being a mostly pure species of skeleton is there’s no defined sex whatsoever, so identifying as intersex would be by choice for ph.

ANYWAYS THIS HAS GONE ON TOO LONG AND I APPLAUD ANYONE WHO TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS and if u have input or ideas on it man, I’d love to hear em. I’m thinking too deep about this monster shit now. also im gonna end this by saying again, this is all just my personal headcanon stuff and of course other ppl don’t abide by it unless they choose to or already hc something similar ect ect. also also, i want to tack on that i like the idea twigs had about the difference between soulsex and soulbonding, soulsex being where you may or may not get pregnant, and soulbonding being a guaranteed pregnancy. (tho perhaps only mostly guaranteed/or just a higher chance of pregnancy for my hc, still unsure) u can check my headcanon tag for other related things, tho i think the only other thing in that tag rn is this which goes more into how skeletons ectoflesh works

#monster anatomy #skeleton anatomy #headcanon #hopefully this is all in order #it was a lot of random thought i wrote down and tried to organize so it flowed #geddit #flowed?#lmao #ok ok that was a bad pun sorry #theyspeak

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antihero-writings · 6 years ago

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The Things We Say Aloud—Pandora Hearts Fic for Phmonth18 Rainsworth Trio Week—Prompt 2: Family

Fic Title: The Things We Say Aloud

Fic Synopsis: The Rainsworth Trio has a tradition of midnight snowball fights. But what if this is Break’s last?

Notes: This is another fic I wrote last Christmas (for the prompt “Rain”), but I think will work well for Phmonth18. I think it works best for the Rainsworth Trio Prompt 2: Family. You don’t have to have read the previous Christmas fic to understand it, but they are supposed to take place in the same year, and there are a few connections/references between them. (The other one is called “In Plain Sight” and you can read it here on this blog, here on my main blog, and/or here on my Ao3!)

Out of all the PH fics I’ve written so far, this is honestly probably my favorite. I would deeply appreciate it if you commented to let me know you enjoyed it!

You can read the full fic here on this blog, here on my main blog, or here on my Ao3!

P.S. This is a repost of an old fic!

Preview:

Rain pounded its tune on the roof. It was the kind of rain that swarms the air, making it misty, grey, and cold with the buzzing of a thousand tiny drops.

He paused, resting his hand on the doorframe.

She lifted her head.

When she met his eyes, he remembered very quickly that was not in his skill set to comfort little girls.

When he glanced back, she was giving him a look that said Well? Aren’t you going to come comfort me?

He knew better than to disobey such a look. He took a deep breath and walked in, hopping up on the windowsill next to her.

Luckily, he found that Sharon was a much happier, much kinder, much stronger child than most.

When she didn’t speak—(he didn’t dare ask, for fear of making it worse)—he turned to look outside the window.

“Xerx-niisan,” she began at last, “Why is the sky crying?”

Once again, you can read the full fic here on this blog, here on my main blog, or here on my Ao3!

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comicteaparty · 6 years ago

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May 16th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 16th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on Champs by Mharz.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Champs by Mharz~! (http://champs.mharz.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Mharz

halllo! (edited)

rikirinka

HIHII

Kabocha

Favorite scene? Prooooobably this one -- Jane is powered by LOOOOOVE and a desire to impress Tala :'D Also determination and a huge amount of skill. http://champs.mharz.com/comic/39

rikirinka

I haven’t gotten to read champs in a long time but the part that stuck out to me the most was when Jane first saw tala!! And she was like “she’s....beautiful”

That’s a big gay mood

Mharz

“What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?” Sooo my favorite scene so far was in Round 3 when Tala manages to catch Jane off-guard and landed a punch. That was veeeeeeeerrrry satisfying to draw. http://champs.mharz.com/comic/86

rikirinka

YESS

Kabocha

Tala was like, "HA YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME"

RebelVampire

i really love how tala is not pictured as anything special in that scene. like just average and regular person here. i think it humanizes the love to a large degree since like...theres no shoujo sparkles or anything. just one woman seeing another in a special way that is based purely on emotions.

Mharz

Also when Jane realized that they made contact and they she was FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF we touched!!!! fangirls http://champs.mharz.com/comic/90

rikirinka

Blessed

Kabocha

...See, I had to laugh at that page because she's like "HOLY CRAP WE TOUCHED I gotta go to the bathroom!" ... the timing was uh... hilarious. XD Jane's probably just going because that sort of anxiety can wreck your stomach, but...

timing....

Mharz

Surprisingly that did not happen within the match

Professionalism I suppose

RebelVampire

my favorite scene is actually probably the sparring scene where jane just like...easily takes tala down after a few seconds. for the entire comic i had been wondering how their skill levels would match up, and this was a visual demonstration of the difference between them. so i finally got to feel assured that jane deserves her championship belt.

Mharz

that is actually a challenge for me because I have to like hnggghn show that Jane isn't just trash talk... She got her belt based on her skills and smarts.

Kabocha

It would be interesting to see Tala face off against some of Jane's opponents... I can't imagine that would go well

Mharz

Oh I have something in mind, alright

I'm gonna build it within the next few chapters so that it raises the stakes a bit

not just prize money but a bit more personal

Kabocha

Oh nooo ahahaha

oooph.

Mharz

drama is fun OwO

Kabocha

Also, re-reading Round 3 -- I do kind of worry that Tala doesn't necessarily know how to restrain her strength effectively... DANG, that punch

RebelVampire

yeah i worried about that too

like light sparring tala

light

Mharz

her coach got worried too

thank goodness she didn't get a concussion

RebelVampire

plus if tala is always punching at full strength shes gonna run out of energy. and a tired opponent is probably easy pickings

Kabocha

That's a good point

Mharz

I like to think she has a lot of gas in her tank

Kabocha

I can't imagine injuries like that would be good over time in MMA

...Given how much she eats, I would believe that!

Mharz

I mean IRL combat sports athletes do tend to retire early because of injuries

head injuries can cut someone's career drastically

RebelVampire

does it hurt tala to punch that hard? like more so than a punch would normally hurt your hand

Kabocha

Tala's made of rock-hard muscle

Mharz

those gloves can cushion it to an extent

in my personal experience tho my knuckles still gets red after training even if I was wearing boxing gloves.

wheeze

Kabocha

Ooph

mathtans

I made it to the internets. O.o

Mharz

also I do agree with Kabocha, Tala's bones and muscles are probably rock hard

yo maths!

mathtans

I liked Tala's reaction after the fight, the whole we touched thing. When she'd already been hugging and trying to choke her.

Yoyo! I was worried I wouldn't have internet tonight.

Mharz

if she's punching barehanded she would get injured for sure

math, I think that was Jane

RebelVampire

hey math~!

Kabocha

The Q&A... Jane... why do you look so terrifying...

also Hi Math! Got any bad dad jokes about fighting?

RebelVampire

another scene i like is when jane shows up to meet tala and tala doesn't even recognize jane at first. its just so doofy and cute. and kind of shows tala's....innocence in a way. since she clearly still has a lot to learn about the nature of her career.

mathtans

I'm apparently not completely mentally here yet. I meant Jane. (goes to edit to make entire conversation confusing...)

I really don't know much about the sport. I kinda like how the creator picked it as a counterpoint to the Yuri On Ice anime (from the Q&A).

Mharz

<.<

mathtans

Yeah, Tala just seems to roll with the punches, so to speak. Innocent about many things.

Kabocha

Pffffft

Mharz

I'm actually learning about the MMA stuffs as I go

Kabocha

But that's a good thing -- your observation shows, Mharz!

Mharz

I was thinking of wrestling since I'm more familiar with it first but I know how wrestling can be very scripted and I don't want that.(edited)

Also I wouldn't really know how I would lump in Tala if it's wrestling

Since she's more suitable to just punch

mathtans

Also the jello would be messier.

RebelVampire

the idea of tala wearing a wrestling mask though kind of makes me laugh

Mharz

pft

RebelVampire

is this basically all tala's resume says. "I'm good at punching."

Mharz

yis

mathtans

Also good at eating things.

Mharz

and "I have strong arms"

wrestling isn't really that big here in PH so it wouldn't make sense to put her in wrestling

Kabocha

That makes sense though

Mharz

but we are very huge in boxing

Kabocha

Tala's backup plan is probably in a boxing ring eh?

Mharz

yis

she is adept in boxing(edited)

she will learn moves outside of boxing eventually

mathtans

Maybe Jane can teach her acting too. They can star in a romance movie.

Mharz

I did use Pacquiao as an inspiration for Tala

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Besides fighting, a huge focus of the comic is on Jane and Tala’s growing relationship. Do you think Jane’s feelings towards Tala are genuine enough to stand the test of time, or is it temporary infatuation? Further, how do you think Tala thinks about Jane at current? Will these feelings change? If so, what would it take for them to change do you think? In other words, what can Jane do to win Tala’s heart? Ultimately, do you think the two will become romantic? If so, what obstacles might await them in the future given their careers? If not, what do you think will keep them apart? Lastly, how do you think others will react to their relationship?

Kabocha

I think right now, Jane's got a temporary infatuation, and it's gonna hurt her professionally if she's not careful... But then again, she seems the type to have loved before, sooooooooooooooo.... Hm.

I guess we'll see as things progress and where the drama leads. (We did have that uh... very menacing shot of that other fighter... the blonde one with freckles iirc)

mathtans

Oh, I think Tala just sees Jane as a competitor/trainer. I feel like she doesn't see people in a relationship way, maybe due to how she was raised or her not being aware of it.

Mharz

I feel like I should answer this but this is pretty much the premise of the stories. (edited)

Kabocha

I do wonder if CHAMPS refers to the status that Tala will attain one day with Jane... OR

mathtans

Though I was reminded of another scene I liked, the recent one where Jane just shows up, and her coach has to push her out of the building, like, move on, you have non-Tala things to attend to as well.

Kabocha

the world that Tala's now gotten herself mixed up into~?

Mharz

It can mean a lot of things(edited)

Hi blast!

mathtans

CHAMPS is possibly an acronym?

Mharz

It will be fascinating to find out how Tala ended up in MMA

I will explore both of their stories eventually

mathtans

"I thought I was signing up for an MMO. Once I was in I decided to give it a try any way, the head protectors are like VR headsets."

Kabocha

OH NO

RebelVampire

I agree that i dont think tala is able to see ppl in a romantic way right now. not cause she cant but just because i dont think its ever crossed her mind as a thing she could have while doing the ppl punches. i think to change tala's heart its gonna take a big romantic gesture. like jane hires a blimp that says i like tala or something. that or we could be in for the slow burn where respect grows and then respect turns into love

rikirinka

Omg

RebelVampire

but i kind of want the blimp

Kabocha

"Yeah, I heard there was this beat saber game, but it turns out the guy I fought was nicknamed Saber!"

Mharz

Jane can probably afford that blimp(edited)

mathtans

I feel like with the blimp Tala would end up looking the wrong way or something and miss it.

Mharz

LOL YES

like any attempt of Jane expression of love gets foiled

pft Kabocha!

rikirinka

LMAO

Mharz

Tala might wreck all the furniture playing beat saber

RebelVampire

Tala will have ordered a mountain of food so high that she cant see the blimp over it

tala strikes me as the type who accidentally threw the wii mote into the tv cause she didnt put the strap on

Mharz

wrecks the screen

rip

mathtans

I mean, Jane has already invited Tala to stay at her place. Wafted right over Tala's head. Related, one wonders if Tala might like guys too, since I don't think she's ever thought much either way.

Mharz

"Oh there's a strap?"

Kabocha

And Jane's just like... "Great, now I have to get a new tv... It's no problem! I saw this 72" the other day that I wanted anyway! And Tala and I can shop like a couple...!"

Mharz

pft

Tala never honestly thought of anything romantic

she's just mindblown at everything

rikirinka

She’s baby

How old are they actually? I don’t think I ever saw it specified anywhere

mathtans

I feel like when it hits, Tala's going to be all "wait, THAT'S why the guy asked me to prom, and THAT'S why that girl cooked me meals, and THAT'S why..."

Mharz

Jane is 26

Tala is 22

Latisha

Jane is older...wow...

Mharz

yasss

mathtans

That makes sense. Tala's new to everything. I wonder why I saw them as only a couple years apart.

rikirinka

Holy shit I’m the same age as tala

RebelVampire

omg tala just having to rethink her entire life after she suddenly grasps what flirting it XD

Kabocha

4 years isn't... that... much...

mathtans

Rebel: I know, right?

Mharz

Tala is more like "wow I can't believe I got here (in US)"

rikirinka

Bless her

Mharz

so she's just wow the culture is so different than what I'm used to

She's easy to please

RebelVampire

so basically jane just needs to take tala to mcdonalds

Mharz

She'd be like "wait, there's no rice?"

mathtans

The vegan mcdonalds.

Kabocha

wait

Rice? At McDonald's?

Mharz

YES

all the fastfoods here have rice meals on their menu(edited)

rikirinka

Omg in Sri Lanka they have McRice with cute

Curry

Kabocha

WHAT That sounds AMAZING

rikirinka

I thought that was hilarious

mathtans

Oh, that's neat. Had no idea. I like cultural things like that.

RebelVampire

do they also have the cup size difference issue? cause in japan their large is basically the american small.

Mharz

there's rice on the side

RebelVampire

i hope tala has a cool display shelf for all those toys

mathtans

Instead of fries, I guess.

Mharz

Nah Tala only has a box sadly

She can't afford a shelf

rikirinka

Awwww

mathtans

Also, no Kinder Surprise now.

Mharz

fast food toys are flimsy anyways

RebelVampire

i am concerned she cant afford a shelf. does she just get paid in potatoes? XD

Mharz

Also the rice servings are really teeny here. IMO.

It's more like she sends the prize money to her family

rikirinka

Really? My McDonald’s toys have lasted me a while

mathtans

"Are those potatoes in your pocket or are you happy you just got paid."

rikirinka

LMAO

Bless tala

Mharz

:'3

RebelVampire

i really hope jane gets to see tala's place and then get utterly horrified

Mharz

her family isn't that rich so tala knows to help them first(edited)

Tala's place is pretty naturey

very rural

(edited)

this is like from the print exclusive 4 panels. xD

rikirinka

Omg

mathtans

Ok, so next plot is Tala gets the wrong idea and thinks Hudson (the one she's training with today) is in love with Jane. Tries to set them up on dates. Jane gets very confused.

Mharz

Hudson knows better

She's totally scared at Jane

mathtans

But also possibly of Tala's back slaps.

RebelVampire

Hudson is very adorable I want Hudson to find happiness.

Mharz

at this point, I feel like everyone has picked up that Jane likes Tala except Tala

mathtans

The glasses make her expression a bit harder to read, I think. (Not a bad thing, just an observation.)

Kabocha

Tala's an innocent child, I'd rather see her get surprised when she like, REALIZES it

mathtans

And also possibly Tala's coach.

Kabocha

I wonder if she'll worry that Jane was going easy on her...

RebelVampire

i would be surprised if they didnt. i mean...jane jumped a fence just to say hi to tala despite the whole thing being broadcasted and all that.

ya know that is something i hadnt considered

that tala might worry jane went easy on her

Mharz

Jane gave her front seats

mathtans

Her punches are softer.

Mharz

so she can do that

Kabocha

Someone could also feed Tala misinformation and be like... "Jane wants you to stay here longer, so she's not training you to your full potential"

mathtans

"Jane gave me the front row seats so I'd have longer to travel to get to the bathroom. It's all part of training."

Mharz

LOOOOL

mathtans

Kabocha: That other MMA character is a good contender to do that.

Mharz

who?

which one?

mathtans

The one at the end of Part 2. I'm horrible with names.

Mharz

oh no her name hasn't been mentioned yet

I reckon you were talking about the emo blonde lady

mathtans

Ahh, okay then.

Mharz

it will be soon

RebelVampire

what we all didnt realize was that champs was a comedy about how many ways tala could misconstrue jane's intentions. Tala: Jane sent me these chocolates and flowers. This must be how americans congratulate each other on a good fight!

Mharz

yes

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Within the story, Tala is starting out as a rookie and has quite a ways to go. What do you think motivated Tala to take on this career, especially given the potential for harm? How do you think Tala managed to get Ted Pearson as her couch? At the end, do you feel that Tala will reach the heights of what she wants for her career? If so, how long do you think it’ll take her to achieve that dream? What role do you think Jane will have to play in her career overall? Speaking of terms of immediacy, do you think Jane’s training in the recent chapters will help Tala in her upcoming match? What do you think will happen if Tala loses the match? Finally, how do you think fame and fortune might change Tala?

as for what motivated her....im just gonna go with the easy one and say money and the fact she punches good. cause it is a job suited to her skill set XD

Climaxstriker

runs in with pizza and ice cream What'd I miss?

mathtans

I think Tala mentioned how she's used to lifting heavy objects. Maybe she wanted to use that skill more than her smarts.

Mharz

I won't go to details but Ted actually is the one who tried to convince Tala to take on MMA.(edited)

Kabocha

Tala seems like the type who thought it would be fun once she got to a gym

mathtans

I wonder if it's a lose-lose, if Tala loses the match she figures Jane isn't training her well, but if Tala wins the match she figures she doesn't need more training.

Mharz

@Climaxstriker the previous questions were pinned if ye wanna answer them.

mathtans

Tala watched a TED talk?

Mharz

LOL math

mathtans

(It's super effective!)

Mharz

Ted is like this woman can lift so many things on her beefy arms! I want her to punch people.(edited)

OwO

RebelVampire

the secret to getting ted as your couch is to just move his furniture around for him

mathtans

Couch or coach?

Mharz

couch coach

mathtans

Paid in potatoes, so couch potato coach.

Mharz

he's not really that hands on with her tbh

I like to think of him as similar to Anzai from Slam Dunk(edited)

RebelVampire

*coach

i can spell

mathtans

It's all good. "Why are you sitting on me?" "You're my couch."

Ted: "Tala doesn't understand people hitting on her, so we'll have her hit on other people."

Mharz

literally

mathtans

yis

RebelVampire

i feel like tala will win her match based on jane's training, but i think its gonna be a hard fought battle and tala is gonna realize even after all that training shes still needs a lot of work in the non-punch areas

mathtans

She did figure out the feint.

Mharz

It was Jane tho

tho she realized it too late

RebelVampire

i think math meant that tala figured out she should feint

Mharz

okay

rip my english

I will have to introduce Tala's next opponent very soon

mathtans

Yeah, that's what I meant. Assuming Tala did it on purpose.

Mharz

yis she did that on purpose

mathtans

Jane might have figured it out but had become a bit complacent.

Mharz

Jane figured it out but she was too late to react that's all.

RebelVampire

yeah i do think jane deserved the punch cause i think she super underestimated tala in that moment. which probably a good lesson for jane cause i imagine jane has gotten a bit arrogant in her position.

mathtans

To be fair, it's justified. Comic does a good job of showing that.

Mharz

thank you! :'3

RebelVampire

idk if id say justified. i mean theres a huge diff between confidence and arrogance. the former is good and jane should feel assured in her skills. the latter is bad and how you get uppercut and nearly KOed forever

Mharz

IMO she's a mixture of both

mathtans

Okay, I suppose there's a bit of perspective wrapped up in that, good point. But she does seem to know what she's doing, she's not blustering in terms of arrogance.

Mharz

tho on the sparring session, she wanted Tala to push harder so she provoked her(edited)

and that kinda backfired

Kabocha

Jane knows where she stands, but not quite where Tala stands

RebelVampire

i think thats a good way to put it

Mharz

yis

Climaxstriker

1. One-Punch Tala best scene. 2. I believe someday Jane will confess her love to Tala and they'll become a couple. Not now, but someday. 3. (Serious answer) I think Jane's training did help in the sense that it shows that while strong she needs to cool her head in a fight. Being angry would make anyone careless which leads to mistakes. 3. (Joke answer) I'm sure the only person Jane would accept as Tala's couch is Jane.

Mharz

pft climax

Jane would wish for her to be Tala's couch any day of the week

RebelVampire

jane begins an elaborate scheme to disguise herself as tala's furniture.

Tala: When did I get this Jane shaped lamp? Oh well. I'll worry about it later.

Mharz

Tala: "my sofa is extra lumpy today"

Climaxstriker

jane transforms into Tala's couch complete with Transformers transformation sound

mathtans

I dunno if Jane getting Tala into the hold during their bout counts as Tala being HER couch.

Climaxstriker

if the ship goes well, they'll be each other's couches

Mharz

can be a bed

omg

mathtans

Sofabed.

Sofa, so good.

RebelVampire

in all seriousness i agree with the assessment that tala does kind of need to learn to cool her head. cause getting provoked is a double edged sword. and now that the feint happened once jane will know to watch for it. which really, that seems like itd be tala's downfall. cause her style seems to rely on that punch doing most of the work. so imagine an opponent who just shrugs it off and is like "pfft im fine lets go"

Mharz

Oh for sure! Jane will not fall for that again.

She has been doing a good job exploiting Tala's weaknesses.

RebelVampire

now im scared picturing them having an argument about it tho. where theyre seriously mad at each other cause jane wants tala to improve but tala just isn't grasping how her weaknesses are working against her

mathtans

Tala will be the star for Season 3 of "One Punch Man".

I don't think we've every really seen Tala upset though? Hard to picture her mad.

RebelVampire

yeah but i mean...its gotta happen. outside the gym that is.

and i bet its scary af

Mharz

those people are the most scary

<.<

mathtans

No kicking puppies in front of Tala.

Mharz

Tala is the type who is generally nice and friendly but if she gets angry hoooooooooo booooooooooooy

no don't kick puppies in front of Tala

don't kick puppies

Climaxstriker

Kicking puppies in general is just asking to have an angry penguin yeeted at you.

RebelVampire

would tala get angry if someone threw a drink in her face?

mathtans

It's a valid point. Also, don't kick Tala in front of puppies.

Mharz

I wouldn't really think Tala would punch people outside fights

that will land you to jail

Climaxstriker

I would personally think Tala would be like ".....Bruh. Why?" if that were to happen.

Mharz

this isn't some highschool manga were you can beat up anyone and get away with it.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Even though Jane is the current champion, her career and life are not without their own issues. Who do you think is the mysterious woman that took in interest in Jane after Jane’s big match? What do you think the woman intends for Jane? Overall, do you feel that Jane will remain undefeated in her career? How do you think she would react to losing a match, especially in regards to being able to face Tala? Further, how do you think Jane would feel if Tala won the championship belt from her? Would it strengthen or hurt their relationship? Last, what do you make of the fact Jane isn’t fond of her other activities like modeling and acting? How might Tala help Jane deal with those aspects of her life? To end, will Jane ever beat Allen?

mathtans

Jane's ex-girlfriend?

Mharz

Ronda Rousey lost after being undefeated for so long. Who knows what the future might bring?

Climaxstriker

I would think Jane would be proud for Tala if she won the built.

mathtans

(As to the championship, maybe they can both wear the belt, it looks large enough for two.)

Kabocha

I think Jane's going to lose once, but quickly take that belt back... While she may not be undefeated, it's going to be VERY dramatic, and everyone loves when the reigning champion returns, right?

RebelVampire

jane losing once sounds so sad. i mean it seems inevitable but i just feel like jane would take that hard. cause itd be a real punch to her ego.

but then tala can bring her a milkshake

tell her she was still amazing

mathtans

Maybe she loses because someone cheated. Flashed her a picture of Tala or something.

Climaxstriker

I would find it likely Jane would lose sometime. Being undefeated is nice but everyone's got a weakness.

mathtans

And Jane's weakness is, of course... scheduling.

Mharz

lol

RebelVampire

realistically that could be the answer tho. where jane is like i havent slept in 2 days its fine i can fight

Mharz

Jane is being smart and aware that MMA will not be her career forever which is why she does acting and modelilng as back up

her coach won't allow that tbh

her not sleeping in 2days

it also helps that fights are sporadic

and not weekly like wrestling

RebelVampire

thats good that jane has a backup plan. which sounds like a good serious convo between her and tala.

mathtans

It's an interesting set of points.

RebelVampire

cause tala doesnt seem the type to have a plan b

Mharz

with her prize money going to the family it's hard to plan

mathtans

Tala goes into hairstyling. I like the consistent ponytail.

Mharz

that's pretty much an issue in most middle class here tbh

mathtans

Okay, so when Jane meets Tala's family she ends up falling for Tala's older sister instead. Hijinks ensue.

Mharz

I think it'll be fine. Tala doesn't have a sister

she's the Big Sis

She has an older brother and a younger brother

RebelVampire

so the older brother can fall in love with jane and hijinks ensues. but then he realizes she likes tala and is like, tala you dope how do you not see this

mathtans

Or Jane falls for the older brother when she sees him from behind in a dress.

Mharz

looool

Jane mistook him for Tala and hijinks ensues

RebelVampire

oh dear XD

as an aside from tala, http://champs.mharz.com/comic/102 i want to take a moment to appreciate how cute kain is here.

Kabocha

How old is Kain?

Mharz

Kain is the other person Jane will care about the most aside from Tala(edited)

late 40s

Kabocha

Awww

At least Jane's not calling him Pops or anything XD

he seems like a sentimential sorta guy

Mharz

he's like the cool dad but a strict mentor

RebelVampire

he is the best dad and better have a #1 dad mug on his desk

Mharz

He does care a lot about Jane even tho they shout curses at each other when training

but they do have a mutual understanding on what they feel about each other

RebelVampire

see even better. they can shout curses at each other and still have a nice, caring relationship when the training is done

mathtans

Kain's catching on that Jane feels different lately. I liked their little conversation on the steps in the current parts.

Mharz

I have to say, Kain is one of Jane's biggest motivations to fight.(edited)

Kabocha

"JANE, HURRY UP, BEAT HER, AND GET YOUR ASS TOGETHER SO I CAN GO HOME AND WATCH MY SOAPS" "FUCK YOU COACH, I'M WINNING THIS MY WAY, WE HAVE TIVO" "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORK IT"

Mharz

LOOOOOOOOOL

that's so hilarious

RebelVampire

omg i want this to be a canon conversation

Mharz

the opponent is like

mathtans

Kain gets the idea from Soaps to have someone play Tala's evil twin as motivation for Jane to not get distracted in fights.

Mharz

looooool

RebelVampire

i hope he has a tiny tv he takes with him sometimes. and while theyre waiting for a fight to start hes just sitting there telling ppl to shut up cause he cant hear his soaps and rodriguez is about to find out his wife is cheating on him with his half-brother

Mharz

I'm pretty sure you can watch tv on smartphones???

Kabocha

Oh, but don't forget about that subplot that he's been following since 1992 -- the one where Joanna was having an affair with Dominic's brother, but played it off like it was an assault so Dominic killed his brother and paralyzed Joanna

Superjustinbros

Hey everyone!

Sorry I completely forgot about the CTP today

Climaxstriker

Plus he could have earphones so nobody could drown out his stuff

Superjustinbros

Was busy with other things

RebelVampire

you can watch tv on smartphones but the tiny tv is an aesthetic i feel suits kain

Kabocha

Ahaaha. Is Kain the type of guy who loses his wireless earbuds.

Mharz

he should have a headset instead

it's bigger

Superjustinbros

I just wanna drop in and say I love Mharz' projects, they have such great appeal.

Mharz

ty justin. :'3

Superjustinbros

You're welcome

mathtans

Do we ship Kain and Ted?

Mharz

Ted is sorta a mentor to Kain back in the day

RebelVampire

i ship kain and his #1 dad mug

Climaxstriker

Jane: Kain, the fights about to start. Kain: ....... Jane: Kain.......Kaaaaaaaain......... Jane notices air-pods Jane: Oh shit, he's wearing air-pods he can't hear me.

I'm sorry I've seen that meme go around enough times to not pass that up when wireless earphones came in xD

Mharz

which is why he can't say no to training Tala

Kabocha

Jane decides to go ham in the match, beats her opponent in ways not yet seen before

Kain ends up having to watch the match on TV

Mharz

pft

RebelVampire

i would love to see kain and ted interact tho more. cause i feel like well learn a lot about both of them and their motivations

and see more kain being cute

Kabocha

So, we're getting down to the last minutes... MHARZ I WANNA SAY YOU ARE AWESOME

mathtans

So the other question is, did Jane accidentally walk in on Tala taking a shower when they were rooming together.

Mharz

thank Kabocha! :'3

OwO

Jane would be like

that face

RebelVampire

jane isnt in the hospital from a nose bleed so probably not

mathtans

Hee hee. In conclusion, good job, Mharz, enjoy the theme immensely. Also learning things about MMA. ^^

Mharz

actually Jane would be nonchalant about it and Tala will be the one freaking out

Jane: "Tala it's fine we're both girls"

Tala: EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Mharz, as well, for making Champs. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Mharz’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://champs.mharz.com/

Mharz’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/avimharz

Mharz’s Store: http://mharz.storenvy.com/

Mharz’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/avimharz

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #champs #mharz

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