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idontplaytrack · 1 month

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“I love you but you’ll never love me” angst

Idk which character but yeah

Long time crush, “flirting”, all for it to mean nothing

Make Me Wanna Die

Janis ‘Imi’ike x fem! reader

Warnings: MDNI, smut. Coarse language, reader has a crush on Janis, not a happy ending, mentions of eating disorders

It’s a mess. A big fucking mess.

Seconds after you had walked into school, you heard the sound of a locker closing, followed by an all too familiar laugh. You cringed, exhaling harshly as you sped up your pace doing everything in your power to avoid Janis and Damian. Well, mostly Janis. Last night, you were at Janis’ to work on a Chemistry project. You’ve been to her place before, and you’ve worked together with her on projects. She was a good partner to work with, contributions were almost always equal and she excelled at presentations. Not gonna lie, you were envious about that. But anyway, things took an entirely different turn last night.

She had her hand on your thigh, she leaned her head on your shoulder, nudging you playfully when she laughed after hearing a funny story or joke come up. Janis was never this big on physical touch. You knew she hated it, and you didn’t even actually know her— you two weren’t even friends. You knew she was trouble, but you couldn’t help it. Over the course of the last few weeks, she kept doing this. Little by little, talking to you first, asking to hang out, those touches that always seemed to linger too long for it to be innocent. Maybe you didn’t want those to be innocent, maybe you liked it. You wanted her to keep doing that, and be nice to you, maybe you liked her.

The night ended up being pretty wild. The project was abandoned, she played a horror movie and got you two snacks and a couple beers. You didn’t drink it, she took barely a few sips. Then she declared the movie was boring.

“So turn it off.” You laughed.

“Okay.” She stifles a laugh, face suddenly inches from yours, “You know…I always thought you were really pretty.”

“Shut up, that’s bullshit.” You scoff, “Have you seen yourself?”

Uh-oh. Bad idea.

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“I don’t know, Janis. Have you? I don’t know you.”

“Aw, not even a little bit? They’ve been partnering us up for projects almost all the time for the last two years.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” You teased.

She smirked, “You know what I’ve always wanted to do?”

“What, Janis? Pray tell.” You went along with it, she leaned closer and your heart started hammering against your chest.

God you were tempted to kiss her, but you weren’t entirely sure what she meant. Until she got so close and stared right into your eyes. Desire took over entirely and you nodded, feeling her lips on yours. “What?” You mumbled.

“What do you say we forget about the project for the night and just…have some fun?”

“Huh—”

“Come on, are you telling me you have no idea what I mean?” She looked at you, amused. You looked at her up and down, she was straddling you, hand on your chest— right above your breasts. You stared at the hand, you mind running wild.

“Are you saying you want to fu—”

“Only if you’re okay with it.” She answered quickly, and you agreed just as fast.

Were you nervous? Sure.

Did you dream about this? You weren’t denying it but you’d never admit it to her. Or anyone, but especially to the girl herself.

Things progressed slowly, which you didn’t expect. But it wasn’t like you knew what to expect, either. Your mind was so clouded that you couldn’t stop moving along with her, before you knew it your pants were off and the artist was eating you out, fingers deep inside you, making you feel good, making your head spin. Your mind was miles and miles away but all your eyes could see was the girl between your thighs doing all sorts of sinful thighs, drawing out a never-ending stream of cuss words and noises that only seemed to spur her on. Noises you didn’t even know you were capable of making.

But then you needed more. You weren’t sure what it was, but you needed more. This level of pleasure wasn’t enough, you were chasing something. Something completely unfamiliar, but your body seemed to know what it wanted. Your mind…it just knew you needed to feel more of her. Your hand gets tangled in her baby blue-tipped locks instinctively, you hear a hum of approval from her as she pushes herself deeper in you, both ways. Her mouth and her fingers. A low groan emits from your mouth, and she intentionally went even faster. Her pace was bordering on relentless. But was just what you needed to chase that forsaken high. You were drunk on her, feeling every little sensation so intensely now. Your mouth was like a broken dam, speaking her name like it was a chant, fingernails digging into her scalp lightly when the pleasure peaked. Your body stiffens but you feel yourself relaxing when you felt the warmth of her palms on your inner thighs, holding them down and caressing them. Sobriety started to hit you as the seconds ticked by, your cheeks grew hot noticing her watching your face, watching the juncture between your thighs…you were loving this attention but you thought it was wrong and clamped your legs together.

“I’m sorry.” You eventually looked at her, absolutely mortified.

“For what?” She asks.

“I shouldn’t have.” You continued, “It’s not—”

“Well, I’m not sorry.” She bites back a grin.

“You don’t even know me.” You said meekly.

“Who says I don’t?” Janis lets a chuckle slip. You hastily grab your pants and underwear and put them on. “Why are you freaking out over this? We all get these urges and if we’re both consenting to it, it’s fine. It’s not like I’m seeing anyone.”

You chewed on your lower lip roughly, internally debating a response. But, it never came. Discussions for the Chemistry project resumed for a good hour before concluding and you left.

————

“Hey, you avoiding me now?” She popped up out of nowhere and startled you.

“No.” You lied straight through your teeth.

“You’re a bad liar, y/n.” Janis laughs lightly. “You…wanna hang out Saturday?”

“Hang out?” You narrowed your eyes at her, “Are you sure, Jan?”

“Oh, that’s a new one.” She nearly snorted, “Jan.”

“What do you mean by hang out?”

“My god, do I have to spell it out for you, babe?”

Babe? What the fuck? Where’d that come from?

You manage to swallow an awkward laugh, but were unsure of agreeing to her plan. You wanted it, you really did. But it was so wrong, so fucking wrong. How could you be so casual about it? About something that was supposed to be so intimate? Janis wasn’t your girlfriend and she will never be. She would never like you.

Exhaling harshly, you told her, “Finish the project, then we’ll see.”

Honestly, what the hell.

“Fine.” She shrugs, “Let’s meet up again after school today to finish it up.”

You two must’ve finished that damn project in record time…it wasn’t due for another two weeks. Were you this desperate for that sort of attention from her?

Saturday rolled around before you knew it. You sat in bed, pondering whether or not to go over to her place. Weighing the consequences and all, but you still could not resist her. She was practically offering herself to you, kind of. Wiping the sweat off your palms on your shirt, you knocked on her garage door. Within seconds, Janis answered, forgoing a proper greeting and going right for your lips. You whined into the kiss, you fucking whined. Both of you stumbled onto her mattress, and she moved quickly, stripping each article of clothing off you expertly.

Once you felt her lips on yours, your nerves and worries all flew out the window, nothing else mattered now. Not more than your need for her, that’s for sure. You, were addicted. Plain and simple.

“Damn, you’re soaked.” She laughs lowly, arms hooking around your thighs to pull herself closer, “I didn’t even do anything yet.”

Nothing came out of your mouth except utterly incoherent noises. Whatever the hell they were. She was loving the fact that you were entirely submissive. Brain all fuzzy, looking at her with those eyes. You feel her tongue circling your clit, gathering your arousal. You yelped and squirmed, already sensitive. Her laughter fans against your heat, causing a strangled whimper to fall from your lips. “Fuck— more, please.” Silently, she gives you what you asked for, tongue lapping up and down harder, sucking at it like it was candy. Your eyes were rolling to the back of your head when a moan erupts, it was vulgar. Everything that came out of your mouth was pure filth.

She detaches herself from you, and you gasped. Janis laughs, “Give me a minute, I wanna try something.” Frustrated, you didn’t respond. But your eyes nearly fell out of your head when you recognised what she was putting on. Kneeling in between your thighs, Janis’ palm stroked your cunt, her fingertips intentionally putting more pressure on your clit making you flinch. “You…wanna try?”

Impatiently, you give her a nod in agreement, needy for just about any contact. Her hand continues caressing your cunt, allowing you to throb and grow wetter. Soon you feel the tip of the shaft being dragged up and down your folds. A breathy whine comes from your mouth when the frustration got too much, you bucked your hips upwards. She held them down and lined the shaft up with your entrance. You felt the tip enter, easily stretching you out, a particularly shrill whine pierced her ears and made you cringe. Janis was watching your face, deciding what to do before she quickly leaned down to kiss you hungrily. “Want me to stop?” She spoke into the kiss.

You only whined into her mouth.

“No?” She asks again.

“No.” You spat out, so, she pushed more of it into you, inch by inch, you got filled out. Janis moved slow, but steady. Each retract and push back in, hit your sensitive spot and made you cry out. By the end of it, the girl's completely obliterated you with the strap. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t think, you sure as hell could not walk. This time, the sobriety couldn’t even overtake you when you came down from your high, she wore you out and sleepiness took over. She held you, she held you in her arms, allowing you to be lulled to sleep while whispering words of assurance into your ears.

When you awoken, you were confused. You somehow had no idea why you were in her bed— why you were still in her bed. Then, you realised you still weren’t wearing anything. Your eyes darted around the dimly lit garage, searching for Janis when the door inside opened up with a creak.

“Good, you’re up.”

“Yeah.” You nodded, “I should go.”

“I’m not so sure you wanna do that right now.”

“What?”

“Give it a second.” She added on.

You squinted at her, puzzled. But then, you felt it. The soreness, it started to hit you now that your drowsiness was gradually going away.

Her brows were raised for a moment, “Yeah?”

Your eyes screwed shut in discomfort as you shook your head— yeah, that definitely doesn’t help anything. “I gotta go.”

“Yeah, that’s not happening.” Janis walked closer to you, stopping by her nightstand and opening up one of the drawers. “Take this.” She hands you a bottle of Tylenol then quickly returned with a glass of water. You took a pill and set the glass down on the nightstand. You were so caught up in the moment you had completely ignored the big question in your head. You were living your wildest dreams right now.

You stayed till after dinner and went home, finally not feeling any guilt for giving in to your needs. Soon after you arrived home, Janis texted you. You got ready for bed, climbed under the covers and plugged your phone in to charge before responding to her text.

“What the fuck is this?” You muttered under your breath. Tossing your phone aside, you hid under the covers, ignoring the buzzing off your phone. Was she calling you now? You grumbled to yourself. Then even though the ringing stopped, your phone lit up again with more texts from Janis.

Insanity. You left her on read, and thankfully, she didn’t come over.

————

The next morning, you went about your routine as per usual then went off to school. But had no idea what was coming for you. You saw Regina, and Janis— laughing together, chatting. Maybe even flirting, judging by the way Janis was behaving before the blonde, touching her arm, her shoulder…the way she was looking at her.

Balling your fists together, you feel the anger, the jealousy, the hurt and embarrassment all bubbling up in the pit of your stomach. Janis was pulling all the moves on Regina that she did you. And you were now feeling a sickening feeling washing over you as your mouth went dry and your head spun.

“Are you okay?” You heard a guy ask— Aaron, right. Your best friend.

“Of course.”

When they kissed, you could swear you were going to spew right then and there in the hallway. His gaze follows yours, and he seems to know what you were thinking.

“No, you’re not okay.”

“Oh, really? How can you tell?”

“Come on, I’m just worried.”

Janis saw you looking, and she didn’t even seem surprised. In fact, she was the one who looked angry. Maybe even a little smug. You knew it, you knew you shouldn’t even have said yes in the first place.

“You wanna ditch?”

“Oh, so bad.” You spoke through gritted teeth, a balled fist against your locker door.

“Let’s go.” He led you out of the school, all while Janis and Regina watched.

You sat in the front with him while he drove away from the school. “So, I don’t want to assume, but something happened between you and Janis?”

You sniffled as tears continually streamed down your cheeks, “Oh you have no idea.”

“You can tell me.”

“No, I can’t. What if you tell Regina?”

“Please, she used me like a toy and you know it.”

You flinch. He apologised.

“Get whatever you need off your chest, please. You’re obviously going through something.”

“I like her. I really— and then she started flirting with me and getting all touchy and then over the course of working on our Chemistry project we hooked up and now I just see her kissing Regina like that? I’ve never done anything like that before, okay? And she— what— what the fuck were we doing? She just used me to make Regina jealous?”

Aaron drove you home and hung out with you. Janis and Regina showed up at your door. “What? You ‘need me’ again? Clearly you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not.” You spat. “You fucking used me. You used me, and for what?”

“It’s not that big a deal, you wanted to fuck, we fucked. So?”

“You texted me first last night. I’m just glad I didn’t give myself to you again, you freak.”

“Leave her alone.” Aaron came up behind you.

“Aw, look. It’s mister nice guy.” Regina remarked sarcastically.

“You don’t get to speak.” You poked the blonde on her chest. “And you, you don’t get it, do you? You shouldn’t have led me on like that. I would’ve never pegged you to be someone like that— I was so wrong about you, I shouldn’t have caught feelings, I shouldn’t have let you be the first person I’ve ever slept with. This, was the biggest fucking mistake I’ve ever made in my life and you’re not even sorry for it. You’re so proud of what you’ve done, making me feel like you felt the same way, making me feel special, and taken care of when it was all a lie. All a lie to make me trust you so you could succeed in your little plan of getting with Regina. Why didn’t you just talk to her? Aren’t you so daring? Why did you have to fuck me up? Why’d you have to hurt me? What did I even do to you? All I did was like you and you took advantage of me. Do you have any idea just how disgusting I feel right now? Have you already fucked her too? The same ways did me?”

“No.”

You scoff, swallowing your tears, “That’s all you have to say? ‘No’?” You glared at the blonde, “Congratulations. You know everything about me that you can use against me. I don’t care, make fun of me all you want, but don’t you dare pin this on me. This is on her. I did not know anything she was planning.”

“Sorry.” She mumbled.

“Fuck you.” You flipped her off, “You’re sick. And fuck you too, leave me alone.” Then the door was slammed before the anger completely over took you and had you fighting them.

You just broke down in his arms, feeling thoroughly disgusted by yourself. You cried so much your voice was eventually gone. You had no idea how you looked but it was definitely unsightly, you couldn’t care less though. Your heart was shattered and she just showed up here like that, like it was a trivial mistake. What happened between you and Janis kept on flashing though your mind no matter how hard you tried to shake it off. Screwing your eyes shut, you feel your skin start to crawl, your breathing grows heavy while you hear her sweet nothings ringing though your ears haunting you like a curse. Worst of all, you feel the bile rising up your throat and you pushed Aaron side, stumbling to the bathroom before you made a mess on the living room floor. He remained unfazed and stood behind you, rubbing your back. “Go away.”

“y/n, I’m not leaving you alone like this.”

“Pathetic?” You scoff.

“y/n…” He sighs quietly, leading you back outside, “You’re hurting and I don’t want you to do anything stupid to hurt yourself. You’re my best friend, I already almost lost you once. I don’t want to go through that again.” Right, freshman year, you were hospitalized for a deadly eating disorder. You almost died from something it caused, but a year later, you were back in school, a sophomore. Thriving, and Aaron was so relieved and so proud of you. You’ve known him since kindergarten, and he’s always been by your side, even though things were a shitshow between him and Regina. He never worried you over it, he didn’t want you to get roped into their relationship and the mess. But that year, well, last year was when the flirting with Janis started— when you two started getting paired up for nearly every project, allowing both of you a lot of ‘mandated’ time together in order to finish those projects. You had so much time to see through her, but yet you failed.

“I’m not going to—” You sigh, “I’m going to do that again.”

“You have been through a hell of a lot worse, you will get through this. I know you can, and you will.”

“How?”

“You know you have it in you, you just have to ride this out and let it fade into the abyss. And if you need help, I’m here. Always.”

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