#unfortunately it did not cure my depression but it did help

[justaghostingon]

How to Woo the Girl You Dumped Without her Demon-possessed Brother Getting in your Way: A Guide by Jin Zinxuan

A crack au

It all begins when Jin Zinxuan notices that Jiang Yanli is actually really pretty.

This is unfortunately right in the middle of him yelling at her for trying to claim credit for the soup someone’s been making for him

Wei Wuxian shows up, demonic tendicals (we’re going anime version here) dripping from all around him as he defends his sister, it comes out that she has been making the soup, and now he’s smitten with a huge problem: the girl he likes both now prob hates him because he humiliated her, and also her brother is definitely a demon

Now a sensible person would first try to patch over the relationship with jiang yanli by apologizing, but jin Zixuan is a Jin! He’s never done a sensible thing in his life!

And also talking about feelings is really scary and as his friend Miammiam likes to point out, he is really bad at it

So naturally, he decides that the most important step to wooing Jiang yanli is to save her brother from demonic possession. That way she’ll be super impressed with him and he’ll be less terrifying and so greatful he’ll well come him into the family!

What could go wrong?!!

Jin Guangyao insists that it is not demonic possession, it is demonic cultivation. But jin zixuan has heard jin zixun rant about “that wei demon” enough times to know better

Figure of speech? What’s that?

So jin zixuan decides to exorcise wei wuxian, and to do that, he’ll need help from the smartest person he knows: jin Guangyao

Jin guangyao is less than thrilled at being sent on a rediculous job like this, to exorcise the clearly not possessed wei wuxian, until he realizes jin zixuan will do anything he suggests without question

ANYTHING

So Jin guangyao decides to have fun with this, setting jin zixuan on increasingly ridiculous tasks to “cure” wei wuxian of demonic possesstion

Like covering him in salt. Or throwing itchy flowers at him. Or running after him chanting this truely awful tune while hoping on one foot.

The result of course, is a very angry wei wuxian who chases zixuan away, and an increasingly desperate jin zixuan who thinks wei wuxian’s frustrations are proof that “the demons are trying to stop me!”

Now the sect heir acting strange is going to raise some eyebrows, and when outsiders look at jin zixuan throwing flowers and singing, they come to a very different conclusion.

Within a day, everyone in every sect is convinced jin zixuan is trying to court wei wuxian

“My son is a cutsleeve!” Moans jin guangshan. “How did this happen! I showed him all the fine ways to love a woman!”

“You’re lessons are the reason my son is a cutsleeve!” Madam jin retorts. “U scarred him for life!”

They proceed to spend the rest of the time arguing and somehow forget to actually talk to their son

Meanwhile in yumeng everyone is losing their collective shit. Jiang cheng is furious that jin zixuan thinks he can poach wei ying with a few pretty words and flowers. Jiang yanli is depressed because her crush is really hopeless now, and how could she measure up to wei wuxian?

Wei wuxian himself is disgusted, not that jun zixuan is a cutsleeve, but that he’d dare to court him! After what he did to shijie! He resolves to firmly rebuff every attempt jin zixuan makes

Which only serves to make jin zixuan more determined because “those demons are really stubborn!!”

But then… the rumor reaches gusu

And lan zhan hops on the first sword to the jin sect to challenge jin zixuan to a duel for wei wuxian’s honor

Lan Zhan tells himself he wouldn’t do this is wei wuxian actually loved the guy. But its not just some guy. This is jin zixuan, wei wuxian hates him! Even he knows that!

They fight, but jin zixuan for all his denseness, even he knows he doesn’t have a quirrel with lan Zhan, and eventually he gets lan zhan to calm down enough to ask why they are fighting

Lan zhan explains and jin zixuan is horrified he’d ever thing that, and quickly fills him in on what he’s really doing: saving wei wuxian from the demon that is possessing him

Lan zhan is sceptical at first, but jin zixuan has jin Guangyao to back him up, and his brother always trusts jin Guangyao so maybe there’s something here? (Give him a break, wei wuxian has been worrying him for months and at this point he’ll take anything)

So lan zhan joins jin zixuan’s demon begone schemes

Wei wuxian is horrified: he trusted lan zhan! And now he’s tryimg to get him married to the peacock? Does he even care?

Meanwhile jin Guangshen has realized if his son marries wei wuxian, he gets the tiger seal, and so begins to push for marriage

Jin guangyao realizes this practical joke has gone a bit too far, but he can’t back out now, lan xichen thanked him for helping lan zhan “make friends” and he’d rather the world end than lan xichen think he hurt his brother

In desperation, jin guangyao suggests the final cure: a true loves kiss

Jin zixuan of course, balks at this. He can’t kiss wei wuxian! He’s in love with his sister! He’s doing this for jiang yanli, he doesn’t want her to think he likes her brother! (Still unaware thats exactly what everyone thinks, especially jiang yanli)

To make matters worse, his father seems to be suddenly invested in curing wei wuxian, sending him off to court wei wuxian with a wink, a charriage and a large amount of gold

Terrified, jin zixuan wants to run, but lan Zhan refuses to let wei wuxian suffer because jin zixuan has cold feet. So he gets in the carriage too

When they arrive they meet a very angry, very resentment tentically wei wuxian

Jin zixuan panics, but lan xhan doesn’t back down, if his love can do anything he’s going to try. So he confesses to wei wuxian

This shocks wei wuxian so much his resentment actually starts to fizzle out.

It’s working! Jin zixuan shouts! Lan wanji keep going!

So lan zhan keeps confessing, saying everything he’s been keeping in his heart, then ending with “come to gusu with me”

Wei wuxian’s eyes widen “you mean…this whole time…that was a proposal?!!”

Lan zhan: en

Wei wuxian: lan zhan! Proceeds to jump into his arms and share a passionate kiss with lan zhan

Jin zixuan: i can’t believe that worked

Jiang yanli, who has come up beside him, “you planned this?” (Meaning getting wei ying and lan zhan together)

Jin zixuan: oh yeah! This was all my idea! (Meaning exorising wei ying)

Jiang yanli says “thank you A-xuan” as she places a hand on his arm, and jin zixuan suddenly forgets everything else

And that’s how jin zixuan got wangxian together while trying to impress jiang yanli, and never realizes people thought he was in love with wei wuxian until well after jin ling is born

[vorrentis]

Reader x Jihyo - Secret Admirer

One-shot featuring our favorite leader Jihyo.

WORD COUNT: 15124

ENJOY!!!

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You growled in annoyance as your avatar on your phone died in the middle of the battle, effectively ending your many many attempts at the level in your game.

Sighing, you waited for the level to reset and then bring your thumb down to your phone's translucent screen, making your character go through the dungeon again, hoping that you could finally make it to the end of the level.

You lay down on your bed and hoped that playing a game for the past half hour would help pass the time quicker or to focus on something else.

Unfortunately, it did nothing of the sort. Instead, it just seemed to depress you further.

The game was hard enough as it was, but the thoughts running rampage in your head made focusing on the game nearly impossible when you received yet another text.

You almost threw your phone at the wall, but silenced your phone and dropped the phone upside down.

Releasing a deep breath to calm herself, you opened your laptop, placed your headphones on and clicked through pages upon pages of albums until you found one by her favorite band and selected their first album that was issued a few years ago.

You tapped your fingers on the laptop to the familiar beat and closed your eyes, concentrating on the main singer's voice to try and relax as you laid back.

However, just like every other attempt you'd made in the past hours, it failed within moments.

You knew it was a problem when even your favorite band couldn't cure the unease in your stomach and the whirlpool of emotions in your brain.

You couldn't help it, though.

What happened just wouldn't leave your head.

It couldn't.

It never will.

You did something...something terrible and you just...well...let's go back, shall we?

=================================

MAJOR FLASHBACK

TWO AND A HALF WEEKS AGO

It started out simple enough.

You and your nine friends of Im Nayeon, Yoo Jeongyeon, Hirai Momo, Minatozaki Sana, Park Jihyo, Myoui Mina Kim Dahyun, Son Chaeyoung, and Chou Tzuyu were trying to convince Jeongyeon to go to the dance held on Valentine's Day during lunch.

This dance was in two weeks and was announced last week by flyers and announcements.

"Come on Jeong, what's keeping you in two weeks?" Nayeon asked as Jeongyeon sighed.

"I just don't want to go." She replied.

"No date?" Tzuyu asked as Jeongyeon scoffed.

"That's not the issue."

"So you do have one?" Dahyun pointed at her.

"I don't have a date, nor will I get one. I just don't want to go, okay." She shrugged

"Oh come on-"

"Excuse me, Jihyo?" Jihyo and the rest turned to see this blonde boy behind her. "I was wondering if you would...uhh...be willing to go the dance with me?" He looked nervous as hell as you ten looked at the boy.

Jihyo frowned.

"Oh, thank you, but I'm sorry. I can't accept your invitation." She simply said as the boy's frown deepened.

"Oh..."

"I'm sorry." Jihyo said as he shook his head.

"T-that's okay..."

Without another word, the boy then walked away.

"Another one bites the dust. That's what? Five now?" Dahyun said as Jihyo nodded.

"Sucks to be popular ain't it Jihyo?" Nayeon teased as Jihyo huffed in her seat.

You weren't surprised there.

You felt kind of bad for the poor boy, though.

Jihyo had been rejecting those advances for some days now since the dance was introduced.

All were no's so far though, but they kept on trying to get popular, most beautiful Park Jihyo to be with them.

But Jihyo wasn't harsh in her rejections. Her kind tone was clear in her melodic voice and sadness in her eyes every time.

And the thought of Jihyo outright rejecting you like that made your heart sink.

"So who are you exactly going for?" You looked to see Chaeyoung looking at their leader.

"No one." She answered as some of the girls scoffed or giggled. "I'm serious girls...besides, you all know they only want me because of my popularity and looks anyway." Jihyo said sipping her water as the others looked at her with soft gazes.

"Jihyo..." "Ji..."

"Jihyo, we're sorry for that, but you have to let that go." Sana said as the others nodded.

"I know Sana, but...it still hurts." Jihyo said as she leered at the table.

That statement caused equal amounts of anger and relief to shoot through you. You were angry because Jihyo should never be forced to deal with a creep like that.

Jihyo had once dated someone last year around this time that she liked for a bit but broke up about a couple of weeks afterward and a day after Valentine's because she learned that he only liked her for her body from a friend who was eavesdropping on him and his gang.

Her looks weren't the sole thing you cared about, so the fact that that was the only reason other people might have been interested in Jihyo when there was so much more to love about her, made your insides twist with fury.

You shook your head. Now was not the time. Jihyo was hurt and you had to fix it.

"Hey," you shoulder bumped Jihyo as she looked at your smile, "he's long gone Jihyo, you don't worry. We're for you." You said as the others agreed to your words.

Jihyo smiled and shoulder bumped you back.

"Thanks (YN)." You nodded, "thank you all." She turned to each one as they all nodded.

"But you're still coming to the dance right?" Momo asked as Jihyo shrugged. "Oh come on Jihyo, see what you did Jeong." She looked at Jeongyeon as she burrowed her eyebrows.

"What did I do?" She asked.

"Girls, enough." Mina spoke up, "we don't have to force the two if they don't want to go." She reasoned as Momo pouted.

"But it was supposed to be all ten of us," Sana spoke as Dahyun patted her back.

"It's not the end of the world Sana. Plus we can still hang out after the dance." Chaeyoung said to her as Sana shrugged.

"I suppose."

Soon the table resumed talking and eating as you looked down at the table.

'Jihyo...'

----------------------------------------

TIMESKIP

"Thanks for being here Mina." You said as Mina nodded.

"Of course (YN)." She said as you weakly frowned and laid back on your bed as Mina took a seat on your desk chair. "I guess it wasn't easy seeing another person asking her out huh?" She said as you nodded and sighed your eyes staring at the roof.

Mina knew how much you hated that and really, she didn't blame you.

"C'mon (YN), cheer up. Everything's gonna be okay."

"I don't know what to do Mina...I don't..." You weakly stated. "I think I'm just going to hide out in my room for the dance."

"This is getting to you bad isn't it?" Mina murmured. She knew why you were like this, both of your friends, Park Jihyo had yet to recognize your feelings for her.

The feelings that had obviously been there for months.

And no matter how many times they crossed paths, Jihyo obviously never picked up on the signs that you were infatuated with her, it was painful to watch for Mina.

"I'm sorry (YN). But hey, don't let Jihyo from keeping you away from the dance. In fact, Chaeyoung and I can hang with you somewhere else."

You couldn't help the smile that crossed your lips at Mina's offer. While it was a sweet gesture, you couldn't ask her to do that. "That's sweet of you, Mina, but I wouldn't do that to Chaeyoung and being the third wheel. Don't worry about me, I'll manage. It's just one day after all."

You flashed Mina a smile, one that didn't quite reach her eyes as Mina watched you, deep in thought. She'd come to care about you like family over the many years she'd known you.

And she hated to see her in distress the way that she was.

You had fallen head over heels in love with Park Jihyo in her first week of knowing her. 

It was at once the most wonderful and stupidest feelings you'd ever had.

As you weren't a complete idiot, you were all too aware that Jihyo was way, way, way, WAY out of your league.

After all, not only was she a hugely successful student but she was also blessed with striking looks that just screamed every word of beauty out there. 

Of course, you weren't the only one who found her deeply attractive as evidenced by the never-ending string of men and even some ladies that try their luck at her.  But in god's prayer, she'd reject everyone since of her memory.

That's when you winced.

At least they were trying.

No one could call them cowards.

That was more than could be said about yourself...

And as if it was bad enough, you were friends with Jihyo and her companions as well. About as close as anyone can get to her and you were lucky to be near and speaking terms...well her doing the speaking as you either nod or shake your head.

But that didn't bother her or her friends one bit, in fact, one of them called it cute, much to your embarrassment. Jihyo could also be incredibly kind. If any of her friends and you had gotten sick or even slightly hurt, Jihyo would have taken her time to go check on them and you, even far to go to give some soup and extra medicine herself. 

And knowing more about Jihyo each day, you had known she was the woman for you.

Since then you'd secretly pined for her. 

It was all so foolish as she was your friend and there was no way in hell she would ever return your feelings. You were sorely lacking in the looks department, especially when compared to anyone that asked for a date with her.

A sad little sigh escaped you as you lay on your bed.

"Well...you have to think of something (YN) if you want to take her to the dance or out at all," Mina suggested as you groaned and sat up.

"I know Mina, I've tried so hard, but... every time I try to confess or say anything remotely...I look at her...panic..." You said as Mina nodded.

"You didn't today at lunch." She said as you shook your head.

"She was hurting. I couldn't that slide." You said as Mina smiled. You were there for Jihyo when she had her heart broken a year back, about more than each of the others too.

"Well...rather than telling, how about showing?" You gave a quizzical look. "How about writing your confession out in a love letter?" your best friend from the group quipped.  She was looking rather sympathetically at your dejected expression.

It was quite easy to read you, your emotions always-on display so it was no secret at all that you had the hots for Jihyo from the very beginning. For now, only Mina knew of your intense crush on Park Jihyo.

You were silent, your face reddening as you busied your hands with one another.

"There's no need to be embarrassed (YN)," Mina said gently, not wanting to worry her friend. 

"That's easy for you to say, your crush likes you back," you jeered playfully.

Mina's smile was soft, her lashes fluttering as she thought.  "I know. I still can't believe Chae and I are going out."

"Yeah, yeah," you grinned, genuinely happy for your friend. You went back to her suggestion.  "But a love letter?" You questioned Mina as she shrugged.

"Well obviously confessing is tough, so how about if she read what you thought of her?"

You eyed her...she did have a point.

"That...doesn't sound too bad..." You muttered as Mina nodded.

"You know (YN), I'm rooting for you. You and Jihyo would make a nice couple."

"Better than others?" You asked as Mina scoffed.

"Stop it (YN), I know that you're much better than any other guy and even girls. Jihyo would be the lucky one to be with you." She pointed at you as Mina gave a warming smile. "You don't care about her looks or her popularity, you care for her about her only." She said as you felt your body warm up by her words.

Mina was always there for you when you need help with Jihyo and she didn't push you or anything, but she went with your pace. You smiled and looked down.

"...Thanks Mina."

Mina gave you a warm smile and shifted closer to you as she placed a hand on your shoulder.

"Anytime (YN). And about the letter?"

You gulped, it was certainly better than just being silent.

"I-I...I guess..." you said as Mina massaged your shoulder and nodded. "But do you mind if I do it after and alone?" You asked of her as she nodded as you smiled. "I'll go early tomorrow to slip it in her locker." You said as she nodded.

"Alright...good luck (YN) alright." She said as she went closer and gave you a hug.

"Thank you for your support Mina." You said as you placed your head on her shoulder and she nodded in yours.

About three seconds passed and you both let go as you nodded and smiled.

"Now, let's do some chemistry." Mina joked as you rolled your eyes.

=================================================

THE NEXT MORNING

You hurried through the school doors as everything in your system was stressing.

This was it...today was the day.

It was early, really early.

But you had to beat Jihyo to her locker. You never knew when she arrived but she was always the first one you'd see in the halls.

You looked around. Some kids were walking, but not buzzing as you smiled at the perfect opportunity

You quickly went and walked towards Jihyo's locker.

You fished out your note from your pocket.

You swallowed your saliva.

This was it.

If you put it in the locker slot, then it's just time till Jihyo comes and reads it.

Your hands started to tremble.

You couldn't sleep at all last night as you kept your sight on the envelope and the written letter on your desk.

Nervousness was etched all over you, but you knew you had to do this or still look at Jihyo from-

"Hey." You jumped in place as you turned and hid the letter behind you. You were relieved to see Mina standing there.

"Mina!" You screamed in a very low tone as she giggled.

"Gomen (YN)." She said coming closer as you huffed in and out. "I'm here to see if you were actually going to do it." She said as you sighed and brought the letter forward as Mina smiled. "You did it."

"Yeah...I just need to slide it in." You motioned to Jihyo's locker as Mina smiled.

"You got this (YN). I know it must be crazy scary, but I'm sure once Jihyo reads it, it'll be alright. Just think about her and you together." She said as you gave a faint smile.

'Me and Jihyo...together.'

You smiled at the letter and you took a deep breath.

You stared and turned at her locker...and you inserted the note into the narrow openings as it went all the way inside.

Mina smiled as you took a step back.

"I...I did it..."

No turning back.

You then felt an arm around your shoulder as you turned to Mina.

"I'm proud of you (YN). Everything will be okay. Don't worry." Mina said as you smiled and nodded.

"...thanks Mina." You said as Mina nodded a bit. "Okay...now we just-"

"(YN), Mina."

Your body froze as you turned your head and looked up at the voice.

Bang...the full effect of Jihyo just exploded on you.

You were entranced by the commanding angle of her visuals, the gloss of her hair beneath the lights and her eyes...oh god her eyes.

"Morning (YN) Morning Mina." She said as you nodded.

"Hi Jihyo..." You managed to take out.

She then smiled as Jihyo turned her head to Mina. You took everything in sight: her eyes, her lips, sculpted cheekbones to the proud jut of her nose and how her looks seem to be in perfect perfection.

You were...just hopeless standing in front of her.

She made you ache. 

Just looking at Jihyo made you ache. 

And your breath was gone as Jihyo swung her head to you and your eyes collided with her incredible eyes, dark as night below these lights but the same brightness as a star. 

It was as if time stopped dead for you. 

Your heart was pumping blood so hard, you were as out of breath as if you had been running. There was a singing sound in your eardrums and your whole body felt oddly light and full of leaping energy. 

You looked back at her with wide (colored) eyes steady as you noticed her eyes looking quizzically at you now.

Your face color in shaken embarrassment.

"(YN)?"

"I got to go." You said quickly, but Jihyo grabbed your arm as you stopped, but never looked to her.

"Are you feeling fine (YN)?" Jihyo asked as you nodded and she let go. "Okay..."

"Excuse me." You lowered your head and ducked away quickly.

The faint red color leaving your cheekbones, you strode away down the hall before she opened her letter.

MEANWHILE

Mina smiled as she saw you scurried away, maybe for the best.

"Is (YN) okay?" Jihyo asked Mina as she nodded.

"I'm sure s/he's fine Jihyo, maybe s/he needed to use the bathroom badly," Mina said as Jihyo looked back.

"Maybe I should-"

"Don't worry. I'll ask her/him first-period Jihyo." Mina said as Jihyo looked at her and nodded.

Jihyo did her combination and opened her locker as Mina asked her how was her night was, but it was cut off by something dropping to the ground in front of them as they both looked at it.

Jihyo looked confused as Mina hid her smile.

Mina was exhilarated and even her heart was racing too.

"What's that?" Mina asked as Jihyo saw what looked like a letter she turned it both ways to see just her name.

PARK JIHYO

"I don't know. It has a heart though so...love letter?" Jihyo answered as she cut open the letter and took out what looks like paper folded in half.

She unfolded it and noticed the handwriting was clean. The content of the note was more surprising.

Mina observed Jihyo's reaction as her eyes went side-to-side.

'Oh my god, (YN) actually did it.' Mina was there to see if you pulled through and if Jihyo did get the letter.

Now she was here to see her reaction.

.

.

.

Jihyo folded the paper back up and looked at Mina.

"What?" Mina asked.

"It's a love letter...from a secret admirer." Jihyo trailed off.

Mina's eyes widened slightly as Jihyo gave the letter to her and Mina started to read it.

Dear Jihyo,

I'm writing this and leaving it where you'll find it. It's not that I wouldn't like you to know who your secret admirer is, it's just that I'm really, really shy. I'm also afraid that if I tell you who I am, you'll reject me or laugh at me.

So for now, I'd just like to admire you from afar. Admiring you isn't hard to do. You're the most attractive woman I know and no one, not even models or celebs can come close to you.

Until then, I'll just have to say that you're a very amazing girl.

From,

Your Secret Admirer

"Secret...admirer?" She read the ending part and it wasn't signed by you, but by Secret Admirer.

"Who do you think it is?" Jihyo asked as Mina acted like she wasn't confused and looked at her.

"That's why it says secret admirer, Ji," Mina answered. "You're not supposed to know."

Jihyo sighed.

"Excellent..."

"Hey, you are the most popular one around Jihyo." Mina poked her shoulder as Jihyo gave a small chuckle.

"Well...it's new I guess. Pretty cute." She said as Mina gave her the letter back and she re-read the contents. "But it's just another person wanting to ask me out."

"Yeah, but this one isn't just straight up asking you out at least right?"

"I suppose..." She responded.

"Plus it sounded romantic."

"Heh, not the first time someone said this to get my attention," Jihyo said getting a book from inside her locker.

Mina frowned.

"Hey come on Jihyo, don't be too harsh. That person wrote their feelings for you, it's just as tough as asking you know." Jihyo looked to Mina with a brow raised. "I mean you did reject five other offers. That's probably why the rejection part was written." She pointed at the letter as Jihyo looked at it.

"So I have a stalker then?" Jihyo joked.

"Admirer, Jihyo." Jihyo gave a soft smile, "So what are you going to do with it?" Mina asked as Jihyo pursed her lips.

"Hmm...I don't know, I don't want to just throw it away you know...maybe I'll just keep it and give it back if they approach me." Jihyo said closing her locker and leaving the note in it.

Mina internally was happy about that choice.

"Great."

"As long as they aren't following me or anything. I suppose this is fine." She said as Jihyo got her belongings and looked at Mina.

"Alright Mina, I'll see you for lunch then...oh wait," Jihyo said taking her phone and typing something.

"(YN)?" Mina asked as Jihyo nodded.

.

.

"Good, (YN) said that they just have a stomach ache and needed to go badly...hope it's not too bad." She asked of Mina as she smiled at the concern that Jihyo had for you.

"(YN) is strong Jihyo. I'm sure s/he'll be fine." Jihyo nodded.

"Yeah...alright then, see you Mina."

"Bye Jihyo."

They waved each other away and Mina frowned as soon as Jihyo left around the corner.

Mina went away as well and she got her phone out and texted you.

She didn't see you at your locker and she quickly wanted to know where you were exactly.

Jihyo just read it...we need to talk

She texted as she immediately got an answer.

Library. Corner table

Mina set her mind to getting there as she speed-walked to the location.

---------------------------------------

She opened the door and Mina walked and looked to see you sitting in the gang's usual table to study or do homework together.

She noticed you just staring at the table with your arms crossed as Mina walked to you.

"(YN)."

You looked up at her as Mina took a seat next to you and placed her books down.

"So she read it?" You asked as she nodded.

"Yes, but that's not what I meant by love letter (YN). Why would you not write your name? That's the whole purpose of what we planned, not some secret admirer."

"Because I'm not ready Mina." You muttered as she pinched her nose.

"(YN)...how is Jihyo supposed to know that you wrote it then?"

"Soon..." You spoke in a soft tone as Mina took a breath. "I thought that I would...ease my way into it." You said as Mina looked at you looking away.

"I did write a letter and It did feel amazing to write all that I wanted to say, but at the same time, I kept thinking negatively if she didn't return the feelings, so I didn't write my name down. I wanted to know how she felt from this one...how'd she take it?" You asked as Mina looked at you. 

She wanted to argue, but she decided to answer.

"She didn't seem too crazed by it." Your shoulders fell, "but she did say she liked that it was different."

Your heart was warmed by that as a smile came to your face.

"Well...that's good enough for me. Knowing that she liked it...I think I made the right choice." You said as Mina smiled as well, but frowned fast.

Mina wanted to counter, but she knew that it would be futile. At least you did something rather than looking afar.

A small, but a step nevertheless.

"...So you plan on writing more?" She asked as you nodded. "(YN) you better tell her before the dance...I don't know if she'll-"

"I know Mina...I'll tell her but not now." Mina nodded.

Mina wanted to say something back, but who was she to tell you how to run your life.

But it was a start she supposed.

"Okay (YN). I just want you to be happy with Jihyo...the sooner the better. And then all of us can go to the dance together." She said as you nodded.

"Thank you Mina. Before the dance, I'll tell her." You promised as Mina nodded as well.

"Okay then...need help in the next one."

You shook your head.

"Okay, let's go to the first period?" Mina asked as you nodded and both of them headed out to the hall.

Along the way, Mina eyed you as you had a faint smile.

'I really do hope everything works out (YN).' Mina thought.

==================================

TWO WEEKS LATER

And so you kept on writing to Jihyo.

Two weeks later and five days till the dance.

The notes had started coming to her locker each day and Jihyo took and read each one. With Mina and alone.

And Jihyo, at first didn't really like it, but now, now she was enjoying it.

Each note was different and it made Jihyo happy whenever she got the chance to read them and each one was signed by: 'Secret Admirer'.

Jihyo even tried to see who exactly was doing this.

She came early to catch them, but no one came close to her locker and after the first period, a note was there.

It was always early and after the first week, Jihyo just stopped attempting to find the mystery person and just let it be.

After the first week, Jihyo took you in secret and told you about the love notes. She seemed to be very happy by each one she showed and you were trying not to smile like an idiot of how it was making her feel.

It was almost time to tell her you thought, but to see her this happy...maybe you'll wait till the last days or so.

Mina even saw you writing some of them and even she found some to be quite romantic as you did.

Regardless, she noticed Jihyo getting happier each day and even Mina was happy that she didn't stop you. You did promise that you'll tell Jihyo about the notes and that Mina was glad.

Now, two weeks have passed and Jihyo and you were staying after in the library to help Jihyo with her math homework.

You were pretty proud that she was your go-to for math. Jihyo wasn't exactly the brightest when it came to the subject.

"...and then you square root that to find X which is?" You asked as Jihyo typed in her calculator.

"12.46?" She said as you nodded.

"Good, now times that by Y and you get?" She did the same thing.

"49.84...that's the answer!" Jihyo was all smiles as you smiled at her excitement and she wrote in the box.

"Nicely done Jihyo."

"God (YN), you're a lifesaver you know that." She said as she scribbled the answer on her homework and you smiled at her compliment.

"Well, it seems like you don't need me any longer. You're getting better at math Jihyo."  She instantly looked at you with a frown.

"Hey don't say that (YN). I'll always need you." She said to you as you smiled back and your heart went racing as you smiled back.

"Thank you Jihyo." You said in return as she went back to her problems. "So...speaking of notes? Any romantic ones?" You asked as Jihyo looked and nodded.

"Oh yes and this one," She went and dug into her backpack and took a very noticeable letter, "is the most surprising." She said as she handed you the folded note and you flipped it open and recognized your own writing and read, but you already knew what it said.

Dear Jihyo,

The dance is almost here and...I think I'm ready to tell you who I am, but now today. Maybe tomorrow or the next day.

You are beautiful.

It's so simple to say because of just how true it is. Everything about you is perfect.

Your personality. Your smile. Your eyes. Your laugh. The way your face scrunches up whenever you do laugh and the way your eyes smile. I adore everything about you.

I encourage you to always be you no matter what anyone else says or does. Please keep smiling and making everyone else around you happy. Goodbye for now and I hope to see you in person soon!

From,

Your Secret Admirer

You gave a small smile.

"Interesting, sounds like your secret lover is ready to meet." Jihyo pushed you slightly for that tease, "Are you nervous?" You asked Jihyo as you handed the card back.

"A bit. Weird right?" Jihyo said as you shook your head.

"I don't think so." You said, your heart beating fast, as Jihyo smiled and scooted her seat closer.

"So...I've been thinking and...I know it's supposed to be a surprise, but I think I know who's sending these." Jihyo pointed at the notes as your eyes widened.

'Oh...'

"You did?" Jihyo nodded. "Who?" You were internally happy that Jihyo maybe figured it was you and maybe-

"Ace."

.

.

.

Your mind shut down at her answer.

"What?"

"I think...I think it's Ace." Jihyo whispered as you were wide-eyed and your blood went cold.

Ace Vorrent...an interesting name for a very interesting boy.

One of those, only in books and TV shows, popular high school guy.

Smart kid, basketball team, respectful and honestly the nicest boy you'll meet. A smile that was deadly to one's eyes and just seeing his interactions with his team, friends, and even those he barely knew around lets you know that he was there for you. When he was on the court, that's when he gave no remorse against the enemy, but he showed sportsmanship before and after and sometimes during the game if someone was injured.

Oh, and he was very cute according to all, if not, most of the girls here.

He was something else.

And sadly it seemed that Jihyo was one of them.

But Jihyo hadn't said a word about Ace at all before...so why him?

"Why would you think it's him?" You asked quickly as Jihyo sported a smile and a blush.

Your shoulders fell upon seeing her expression, it wasn't often Jihyo seemed this flustered.

"Jihyo...do..."

She nodded as you leaned back and your jaw slightly dropped.

"That's why I've been saying no to everyone else because I wanted to go with him to the dance," Jihyo stated as she flushed, "I want to ask him, but I can't even look at him without looking like an idiot while doing so."

Your heart was hurting badly...

"W-when did you-"

"Maybe two months now." Jihyo answered as you gulped. "We've been hanging our free period since."

You blinked once...twice...three times.

"And you didn't tell us this?" You questioned as Jihyo shook her head.

"To save me from the embarrassment of you nine. Plus there wasn't much to say." She answered as your throat went dry.

"...S-so how'd you two even meet?" You asked as Jihyo turned her body to you.

"Okay so we have free period together and most of the time, I would just be alone here studying or catching up on homework. I've seen Ace sitting as well and just reading or whatever. We've never said a word to one another, but suddenly he decided to sit next to me and start a conversation. I was a bit surprised that he did, but we started to talk and then each day, he would sit right next to me and we just talk...and it was nice." Jihyo smiled as you felt nothing in you.

"About what?" You asked, dreading the answer.

"Mild stuff: family, friends, activities, hobbies. Then it went to anything really. I'll be honest, at first, he didn't really seem interesting but...I'm starting to see why he's a topic around here." Jihyo said as your heart sank. "So then we just chat here and then at home and-"

"Whoa whoa, you have his number?!" You asked astonished.

Jihyo nodded.

"It's just to help me in math to start, lord knows I need every help I can get." Jihyo said as you didn't move...you would be the one to help her in math..."Anyway, we started to talk more and...I don't know, I started to like him and I think he likes me too but is too scared to ask as well," Jihyo smiled as she placed the letter on her chest, "I think that these are coming from him to ease the tension or something. Plus the timing's right with the dance coming up and I hope that he'll surprise me by asking me to it."

You licked your lips in nervousness as you saw Jihyo go into a dream state stare.

"W-why don't you just confront him about them?" You asked, hoping that Jihyo would learn that it wasn't him.

"I don't want to. Not because I'm scared, but...the letters make me happy. I know I said that the first one was weird, but over time, re-reading them helps me get rid of my fear of people just wanting me for looks. Reading these genuinely makes me feel happy that someone likes me for me you know...and I think it's Ace."

"..." You were straight-up broken, "S-so...wait Jihyo, are you sure about Ace?" You asked as Jihyo nodded.

"..."

"Well enough about me? What about you? Who are you taking?" She asked as you just stared at her.

Jihyo blinked.

"(YN)?"

"...I-I have to go." You said as you stood up with your-

GRASP

"Wait, why?" Jihyo grabbed your wrist to stop you as you turned to her. You did your best to suck and swallow your pain.

"I just remembered that Dahyun wanted to go over History notes for a test and...I'm late." You said standing up and taking your books as Jihyo let go of you.

"You can't text-"

"Sorry Jihyo, I have to go." You said turning your back and speedwalking to the doors as Jihyo stood up.

She had half a mind to follow you, but Jihyo didn't move from her spot as she sat back down.

She'll talk to you at lunch she figured.

Meanwhile...

You looked down and went into the stall of the bathroom and locked it as you sat on the toilet.

You let the silent tears run down your face, not caring if anyone was nearby.

'Stupid...stupid...why would she go for me...'

You held your face in your hands as you let the waterworks go down.

=============================

THREE DAYS LATER

Jihyo opened her locker and she sighed.

Nothing fell.

No note. No letter. Nothing.

Jihyo hasn't received any more notes from her secret admirer since three days ago...she figured maybe it was Ace's opportunity to ask her since the dance was in two days.

She never thought she would feel this way.

To have someone to care for her beyond her looks and status.

That's what every boy that seemed to want her have ever wanted.

Just a trophy to brag about and how hot she was and how cool they were to take her.

That and they wanted something even more despicable.

Jihyo shuddered, not wanting to think about...him last year.

But the more she thought about it, the more that was changing.

Ace was sweet and very cute, and there was no way he would be like all those other misfits and definitely opposite of that...monster.

He didn't have a date yet and he hasn't asked anyone and if he did, trust the school to spread the news like an inferno.

...but she really didn't care that much at the moment.

She only wanted one to be a distraction from what's been bugging her.

You.

Jihyo frowned at the thought of you. It was as clear as the cloudless sky that something was bothering you.

Ever since that day at tutoring her in math, you'd had been really distant.

You didn't crack nearly a smile as you used to nowadays. And even if, your smile never quite reached Jihyo's eyes as well as how scarcely she and you interacted one-on-one.

The others didn't seem to notice these changes in their friend, or if they did they weren't showing it.

Jihyo was trying to conceal that she knew something was wrong with you, but she knew that her worry would catch up with her at some point.

Yet, oddly enough, the thought of confronting you alone about what was bothering her made her nervous.

She couldn't help but feel that, for some reason, it was her fault that you were acting distant, even if she didn't mean to hurt you.

She had no idea what she could've possibly done, but Jihyo couldn't shake off the feeling that she was somehow involved.

But tried to talk with you, but you seemed to pull yourself together and act like nothing is happening, but...Jihyo hated to see that fake smile.

She forced herself to focus on her surroundings; anything to get your fake smile out of her mind as she walked the halls of the school.

As Jihyo continued walking she managed to get outside, she noticed a group of four conversing on one of the benches in front of a small, square orchard.

Her eyes glared at one individual.

She planned to just ignore them, but she couldn't help but eavesdrop on their obnoxiously loud conversation as she passed by.

"Well, obviously Jisoo would reject you, bro." One said to another. Jihyo cursed herself for even knowing them. "What did you expect to happen?"

"Yeah man," Another agreed, Tatum, started chuckling to himself. "I think Lisa's more in your range."

"Hey, screw you man." Robert snapped, his hair shifting slightly to the side thanks to his sharp head movement towards his friend. "You don't think I'm good enough for Jisoo?"

"Nope," their leader, Trae, chimed in with a sick grin. His aggravating voice reminded Jihyo of nails on a chalkboard. "Although...Lisa would be ideal too...man gives me one night with her...would probably be the best night of her life." He sniggered.

Jihyo bristled, and it took all her self-control not to confront them.

It was completely unacceptable for them to talk about Lisa like that or anyone for that matter.

"I'm gonna ask Jennie to go with me," Jayson announced with a sigh like a lovesick schoolboy. Disgusting. "She's fucking hot and if I play my cards right..."

Jihyo almost threw up.

"Hehe...as if." Trae snorted with a frown. "She's way too much of a woman for you to handle. She probably needs a strong man like me to show her a good time as well."

Jihyo rolled her eyes as she strolled past them.

"Idiots," she muttered.

There's no way any woman in their right mind would even consider attending the dance with any of those brutes.

"What you say!?" Trae questioned roughly.

Jihyo paused mid-step.

She didn't intend for them to hear her.

"Want to say that again to my face Jihyo?" He continued.

She sighed.

She knew she had just gotten herself mixed up into trouble, but she might as well face it head-on.

So much for the peace and quiet.

"Fine," Jihyo replied neutrally, swiftly twirling around, her hair brushing against her shoulder. "All four of you are idiots if you think that anyone would want to go to the dance with you."

"Oh really?" Trea countered, standing up and moving forward until he was towering over her frame. "You didn't seem to think so last year."

Jihyo glared.

"Go to hell Trae." She voiced as he smirked.

"Ohh~ fiesty today aren't we? Where was that last year when-"

"Shut. Up." Jihyo gritted as he smiled along with the rest of his team. "So where's your date, then?"

Jihyo frowned. "Excuse you?"

"You heard me. You're pointing fingers at us. So, who's yours?"

Jihyo opened her mouth to retort, to say that she was actually looking for the person she wanted to ask, but for some reason, her tongue was tied.

He took this as a green light and grinned. "You don't have one, do you? Isn't really fair to make fun of us for not having dates when you don't have one either, now is it?"

Jihyo glowered, finding her voice again.

"Whatever, just leave Lisa and her friends alone."

"We were just complimenting them...is that so bad?"

He spoke without hesitation like he was so sure that their opinions were the only ones that mattered.

It was despicable.

"And you know what," Trae persisted. His dark gaze traveled up and down her form and it made Jihyo's gut twist uncomfortably.

Way too many boys had looked at her like that.

"Seeing as how you and I are dateless-"

"Never in my lifetime would I ever go with someone as dumb, obnoxious, and rude as you again."

Trea then laughed as the other three joined in.

"Whatever your loss...but I know you girls. All fawning for our captain. Tell me Jihyo, what makes you think Ace would want to go with you?"

Jihyo stared blankly...how did he know?

"The school isn't blind Jihyo...we all know about your and (YN)'s meetings in the library. But never have we once heard about you from (YN)...not a single word. You say we're not good enough, but Ace is definitely out of your league. Look at you and then look at him...explain how that can happen? Ace is everything opposite of you." Trae sneered as Jihyo glared.

"How dare you-"

"First off, Ace can choose anyone to go with here...why you? True you're hot, but there are others just as fine. You ain't the smartest, you ain't the most athletic, but I'll hand it to you...you're definitely the biggest."

Jihyo's jaw dropped, so appalled that she didn't even know how to reply.

Normally Jihyo would have a retort ready, but she wasn't used to being so thoroughly disrespected right upfront.

.

.

She hated how right he was though.

People wanted to be with her for that reason. There was no in-between.

There had never been a time when sometimes took her for granted and wanted to get to know the real Jihyo.

Jihyo wanted to yell at him for even considering that she could be grouped in the same category as them. She wanted to yell at him for degrading her as much as he did.

But her tongue was frozen.

Her throat was constricted.

Her heart was slamming painfully against her ribcage.

No one was ever interested in her just for her.

Those who knew nothing about her only wanted to be with her for her looks.

It happened...she went out with Trae, only to find out that he wanted to...to take her v-card for the sake of saying so...

.

.

.

"Actually, she is better than all of you combined."

Jihyo flinched, her body recognizing the voice on her right.

Jihyo looked over her shoulder to see you, her usual calm eyes now burning red as you glared at Trae and stepped up beside Jihyo.

"(YN)?" Jihyo whimpered, her voice so soft she wasn't even sure that she spoke at all. You, however, didn't break your stare down with the boy.

"Do you want to know why?" You continued, her expression the epitome of intimidation.

"By all means," Trae, seemingly amused, gestured to his snickering buddies with both his hands, "enlighten us."

You took a deep breath, then complied.

"She cares so much about people," she revealed, her eyes that were previously pouring fire coming to a shallow halt. "She would do anything for the people she cares about." You paused, your eyes focused on Trae.

You turned your head to look at Jihyo and smiled.

This was the first time in the past day that your smile had reached Jihyo's eyes. At that moment you looked so vulnerable, so genuine, so proud.

It was a look that simply belonged on your face and it further astonished Jihyo.

"Jihyo makes us feel like we're the most special person in the world. No one has ever made me feel that way before."

Jihyo, who was having a hard time wrapping her brain around everything you were saying right now. She was shocked further and gasped when you slipped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her against your side.

Jihyo blushed at the contact and no less in front of the guys.

You were peering at her with such adoration that Jihyo could barely remember how to breathe, unsure if the warmth in her chest was due to your massive body heat or not.

You then looked back up at the group of four, all of whom wore expressions measuring somewhere in the whatever section.

"You say she doesn't have a date, but that's not true, because we're going together."

Jihyo didn't think it was possible, but her eyes widened even further.

Jihyo felt your fingers tapping her arm, silently asking her to roll with her words, and it was only then that Jihyo realized what kind of game you were playing.

You were pretending to be her date so that Trae would back off her case. It was all a lie.

And the worst part was Jihyo wasn't sure how she felt about that. She had no idea how to wrap her head around any of this. It was all just so sudden.

"Crazy, right?" You chuckled. "I never thought I would even have a chance with her. But she continues to surprise me." Your smile stretched across her face. "That is why she will always be better than you all. She sees people as people, not conquests. She was able to like me by just being herself. You all could learn something from her."

Jihyo was so overwhelmed by everything that was going on that she could've sworn she was shaking. But a moment later, she realized it wasn't her who was trembling like a frightened puppy.

It was you.

"And thus, I would like to take this moment to rub it in all your faces that I get to go to the dance with the smartest, the most athletic, and not to mention the most astonishing girl around." You squeezed Jihyo closer to her side. "She's the most attractive woman I know and no one, not even models or celebs can come close to her. She's a very amazing girl."

'Admiring you isn't hard to do. You're the most attractive woman I know and no one, not even models or celebs can come close to you.

Until then, I'll just have to say that you're a very amazing girl.'

.

.

Jihyo's brain racked her head...that was from the first note...

Without another word, you dragged Jihyo away from Trae and his gang, keeping her arm around her the whole time.

Jihyo allowed herself to be pulled along, completely dumbstruck, her jaw continuously opening and closing as she tried to figure out how to respond.

Only once they had fled further, away from prying eyes and ears, was Jihyo finally able to process everything that happened and retaliate.

Jihyo quickly jerked away from her hold and backed away a few paces, using every drop of willpower to ignore the tremendous hurt in your eyes at her actions.

"What was that?!" Jihyo flustered.

"Well..." You played with her fingers. "They were insulting you. No way was I just gonna stand by and let that happen. They were trying to make you cry. And that's unacceptable."

Jihyo's expression softened, touched at how much you seemed to care for her.

"I appreciate what you did, (YN), I really do," Jihyo began tactfully, crossing her arms over her chest. "But out of everything you could have said, why would you say we're going together?"

You stared at her for a long moment before frowning, an expression that sent an odd sensation of anxiety to Jihyo's core.

"..." You stayed silent.

.

.

"(YN)-"

You put something in front of her face...and Jihyo's eyes widened.

It was a letter...

"What's-"

"Read it. Please" You stated as Jihyo slowly took the note, but noticed your tone...soft.

You had a stale look as Jihyo looked back and forth between you and the parchment.

It was the exact same cover as the others...

Did...did you take it?

"(YN)-"

"Just read it Jihyo." You instructed as Jihyo looked at the letter.

She turned it around and she pulled out the folded paper inside.

It was exactly like the other ones...

She unfolded the paper...and Jihyo's eyes increased with every sentence. Along with the beat of her heart.

Jihyo,

I'm sorry I send you those letters. I didn't know you wanted to be with someone, because if I had known I would have helped you be with them and kept my feelings to myself. But I had to tell you, some way or another.

I'm in love with you Park Jihyo and I understand that you don't feel anything for me in that sense. I can be your friend, or whatever you need. I just hope that this confession doesn't scare you out and make things awkward because I don't want to lose you. But if you don't want to be my friend anymore, I'll completely understand.

I really hope that you'll find your happy ending with this other person, even if that person isn't me. Because you deserve the world, the stars, and everything in between.

I'll always love you,

(YN)

.

.

.

Jihyo felt her heart stop. Her eyes widened dramatically.

She couldn't have read that right, could she?

You must be joking.

.

.

.

"A-are you...joking?"

There was a pause for a solid minute before you started chuckling under your breath.

"Of course... of course, you'd think it was a joke..."

Jihyo frowned, confused, and even more apprehensive.

"...w-wait I-"

Jihyo's heart was beating a mile a minute. No one had ever confessed to her like this before. She didn't know why she was reacting this way. She didn't know how she was supposed to react.

"(YN)...I...you...what?" Jihyo battled with her coiled tongue to form words. She was in complete shock, and she needed answers if she were to make it through the day.

You sighed shakily.

"Look, Jihyo, I..." You hesitated, rubbing the back of your neck nervously. You took another deep breath before lowering your arm and looking straight into Jihyo's eyes.

Jihyo gulped, too stunned to even nod.

You swallowed and licked your lips. "I've been in love with you for months now."

Jihyo's eyes almost bulged out of their sockets.

Months?

You had liked her for that long?

How did she never notice?

Why didn't you say something sooner?

Jihyo was so caught up in her surprise she almost missed what you were saying.

"I liked you before and just...well I realized that it wasn't just a crush and something more...and I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was scared and in all honesty, I was just as shocked as you are now when I realized I was falling for you."

You looked to her with a soft look.

"(YN)..." Jihyo mouthed as you nodded. "Y-you wrote them..." You nodded.

"All of them. Every single word...phrase...compliment...all of them. I mean them all Jihyo."

Jihyo stared at you, butterflies surfing in her gut while she waited for you to continue.

Jihyo's heart swelled, her cheeks tingeing pink.

Why was she feeling this way?

Why were your words affecting her so much?

You gazed at her earnestly, and it took Jihyo a full minute before she realized you held out both of your hands, into Jihyo's. Your skin was warm and your touch undeniably soft.

You held Jihyo's hands as if they were the most precious things in the world to you.

Jihyo felt her heart leap into her throat, the beating organ lodging itself there.

She had no idea that you cared about her so much.

She had no idea that it was even possible for someone to care about her so much. But, apparently, you did.

For months, you harbored such strong feelings for her, feelings that you had to deal with alone for so long, and Jihyo wasn't even sure how she was supposed to feel.

Despite that, Jihyo knew she had to say something. She had no idea what to say, but you had just poured your heart out to her, so she had to say something.

"..."

.

.

"..."

.

.

"..."

Jihyo parted her lips to speak, hoping something other than gibberish would come out, but then you, with a sad smile, said something Jihyo could never have prepared herself for.

"It's okay...I know you don't see me that way...nor I'm not the one you want to go with."

Jihyo's heart sunk like a stone, blood running cold in her veins.

It felt like she had just been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to do. She felt like her biggest secret had been exposed even though it was nothing that needed to be hidden.

But what hurts the most was that you were right.

"I've know Ace is special and...unlike 'him', he'll treat you right," you continued. Jihyo's insides twisted painfully as your soft voice pronounced Ace's name.

You chuckled slightly, her gaze wistful. "I would do anything to have you look at me like that." You smiled sadly again, your voice dropping in volume. "But I know I missed my chance."

It was true that Jihyo had a thing for Ace, and it was true that he was the one she wanted to go to the dance with.

But, for some reason, she didn't want you to know that.

She didn't want her poor friend in front of her to know she was interested in someone else.

She didn't want to know how much she had just unintentionally broken your heart.

"(Y-(YN), I..."

"Don't worry." You shook your head with a smile that made Jihyo want to cry. "It's my fault for taking too long to say anything and I didn't mean to drop all the notes on you. Had I known, I never-" Your attempt at an apology just made Jihyo feel even worse.

And what was worse is that you cut yourself off as Jihyo figured you got choked...and it broke her more.

You seemed to notice her conflict and squeezed your hands gently, resolution in your eyes. "I'm sorry for putting you on the spot. It must've been hard to hear me say and read all those things when you're interested in someone else. I didn't mean to put any pressure on you. I don't want you to think you have to force yourself to choose me or act a certain way around me just to make me feel better. That's the last thing I want."

Jihyo stared up into those eyes as her emotions erupted in tangent inside of her, none of them fully overpowering the others.

Confusion, disbelief, fear, sadness...

She had no idea what to feel.

"Jihyo. I just...I'm really happy I finally got the courage to confess to you." You were smiling genuinely, but there were tears in your eyes. Your thumbs brushed over your pale knuckles, and it was such an innocent and delicate gesture that Jihyo wished to just hold and comfort you as you'd done for her, but her own body was frozen. "It feels good to let it all out into the open. It's like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders."

You shrugged your shoulders for the effect of your statement, but for Jihyo that action meant so much more.

It made it seem like you thought it was no big deal that you were willing to shove your own feelings under the rug just so Jihyo wouldn't feel guilty about going to the dance with Ace.

How could you be okay with that? How could anyone who had bottled up their feelings for so long be okay with that?

Jihyo wanted to say that out loud so badly, wanted to smack some sense into the idiot speaking nonsense in front of her, but found herself to be just as frozen, no matter how hard she tried.

Just then she felt her hands being held as Jihyo looked down to see yours in hers. She looked up to see a smile...a fake smile.

"I'm not expecting anything in return," You continued, "I just wanted you to know that I care about you. I just want you to be happy, Jihyo. You deserve it. And if Ace makes you happy, then you have my full support."

You let go of her hands and Jihyo's palms suddenly felt way too cold.

You simply gave a smile in response. "You two should hurry up and ask each other to the dance, alright? Ace would be very lucky to go with you."

Your voice and expression softened considerably as you turned your back on her.

You smiled in what she probably thought was a cheerful manner, but Jihyo saw the tear that spilled from the corner of her eyes as you turned away and left her.

Left the speechless Jihyo.

Left the stunned Jihyo.

Left the confused Jihyo.

Left the heartbroken Jihyo.

As you walked away, you choked down a sob.

You couldn't cry now, not over something as pitiful as unrequited feelings.

You wished it were you that Jihyo wanted to go with.

It's all you could ever hope for.

You wished it were you that made Jihyo smile.

You wished that you could have the opportunity to make Jihyo happy.

But there was someone else who seem to make Jihyo happier than you did.

You walked forward and wiped your eyes, refusing to let the tears fall.

You couldn't let this affect you. All you had to do was not break down until the dance was over.

If you could survive that long, you knew you would be okay.

Then things would hopefully go back to normal.

Yeah...normal sounded good.

===========================================================

TIMESKIP

TWO DAYS LATER

The following two days had been the most emotionally chaotic forty-eight hours Jihyo had ever experienced.

Jihyo wanted to speak with you one-on-one on several occasions.

But you weren't talking.

You were acting as nothing happened.

Not once did you say anything more about your feelings other than school and the dance.

You'd hadn't tried to engage in any physical contact or ask if Jihyo had changed her mind about going with Ace.

You were acting just as you would normally be, staying silent and helping out the other eight with work and talking and this worried Jihyo to no end.

She also had noticed that Mina was around you most of the time and she realized that Mina knew as well...she also didn't speak with her since...Jihyo was killing herself more.

How could you confess all those things and then look at Jihyo dead in the eye and pretend like everything was the same?

It made what Jihyo was feeling even more confusing. Hearing how much you genuinely cared for her stimulated something within Jihyo.

You were calm, cool, mature, responsible, and was on Jihyo's always there for her side and she also had the largest heart Jihyo had ever seen.

You were sweet, and playful, and were always there for someone when they needed help. That was proven to Jihyo several times yesterday when you not only put those bullies in their place and last year with...

And then your notes...you were her secret admirer.

Jihyo re-read those notes maybe a thousand times now. Over and over and kept thinking of you writing these on your desk. Writing your heart and feelings out for her and Jihyo just strangled and mutilated that to nothing.

This whole time she thought that Ace was the one who was sending them.

She should have known that there was no sudden change in his behavior since the first and the many that came afterward. If she had talked about it with him sooner, she'd never be in this position.

Jihyo shook her head.

The only reason she didn't was that the notes made her feel special and happy. It wasn't in your face or direct, but just compliments that made Jihyo's mornings. The first one was sudden, but the more she read it along with the newest ones, she began to like it.

Like it so much that she didn't want to stop.

She frowned while stopping her movements while looking in her locker.

You never came up in her mind when figuring out who this person was. You were the one who wrote them all. You were the one to say all that to Jihyo.

.

.

Jihyo felt her heartbeat accelerate.

Although it had been repeated in her brain hundreds of times since the words had been said, it was still difficult for Jihyo to come to terms with it.

You were in love with her.

Jihyo knew damn well that you were destroyed and heartbroken...and she can't do a thing to fix it.

And Jihyo was horrified at what's to-

"Jihyo?"

Jihyo paused mid-thought in that familiar voice not giving her the same butterflies as it did. She spun her head to face what she hoped would be her date; Ace himself.

Jihyo gulped as she instantly saw the eyes around looking at him and her.

"Do you have a minute?" Ace asked, catching his breath as Jihyo remained still.

"Y-yeah," Jihyo replied, a small smile on her face that was more forced than it should have been.

"Do you mind if we...go somewhere...private?" He asked as he looked at the students around as Jihyo nodded and gathered her belongings as she closed her locker and went to the side of him.

Jihyo's body went racing, but her mind was in a standstill.

She didn't know why she agreed, she was in no way in it to talk about anything while her mind was just all in thought with-

Jihyo's eyes widened.

From the corner of the intersecting hall, a pair of students appeared as they walked around and Jihyo's gaze froze on the individual on the right.

Your eyes caught hers at the same time as time seemed to slow down as they headed towards one another.

"Hey (YN). Nayeon." Jihyo heard Ace say as they waved back and passed by them.

But Jihyo didn't say anything...

She saw Nayeon giving a thumbs up as she saw your smile at her.

Jihyo's heart was crushed and her frown intensified, yet she didn't stop and turned to check on you...she didn't have control of her body as she kept on moving forward with Ace.

She saw your smile and joy as if seeing them together didn't hurt her anymore, but deep down she knew that your heart was being broken centimeter after centimeter now.

If talking about Ace hurt you, Jihyo couldn't imagine seeing them together, walking away

==============================

MAJOR FLASHBACK END

And that was the last you saw of Jihyo and with Ace next to her and it didn't take a genius to figure out what was happening.

Night swiftly faded to Saturday, and the morning and afternoon hours passed by you in a blur as you laid in your bed in your room.

You couldn't help but be somewhat thankful.

You could act normal around Jihyo, act like nothing had happened, but you knew if Jihyo mentioned anything about what they had talked about, you would break down.

That couldn't happen.

Evening rolled around, darkness rapidly seeping over the horizon, and you were lying on your bed, forgoing the dance and the many calls and messages on your phone to feel better.

You didn't go...

You didn't get ready...

You didn't feel ready to see...them...

Mina had talked to you every day since to make sure you were okay and while you weren't, you faked being slightly okay for Mina. Not by much to be realistic, but you told her that you couldn't go to the dance.

Mina understood completely and wanted to stay with you, but you couldn't let her with her and Chaeyoung going together.

It took some convincing, but she allowed you to stay, you said that you'll lie and got some food poising or something and Mina sighed as she accepted it, but as soon as she was done, she and Cheayoung will come over.

You were happy to have a friend like Mina and you felt bad leaving your friends worried.

But you couldn't say anything.

Not about what happened.

You felt like such an idiot.

You hadn't meant to say all those things to Jihyo, but your confession had the pressure of a waterfall; once the rapids pushed you over the ledge, you had no control.

You just kept talking, almost as if everything in your life would crumble down if you stopped halfway through. You had seen how frightened and confused Jihyo was, and yet you still kept talking.

And then, after already making a fool of herself with her feelings, you dropped the bomb that you wouldn't mind if Jihyo went to the dance with Ace instead.

Which was a lie.

It was a big lie.

You knew your unplanned confession had put a lot of unneeded strain on Jihyo, so you had to say something to make Jihyo less frightened.

Anything to make Jihyo feel like she wasn't being forced to make a choice.

You knew Jihyo didn't feel anything for you.

Not in the way she felt for Ace apparently. As much as you wanted to have her for yourself, you knew it wasn't your place to step in-between them.

If Jihyo liked him and he made her happy, you would step back...and listen to your heart quietly break.

But you refused to tell any of your friends.

Tonight was supposed to be a night of happiness; celebration; of peace.

Although your night had been ruined before it began, you wouldn't ruin it for anyone else, so you never showed up.

With the thoughts running rampant in her head, you began to play games on your phone to pass the time along with listening to music.

Yet...

You could only picture everyone at the dance...

Everyone would be dancing, conversing, and generally having a good time.

The music was exhilarating but not overly loud, and the colorful, flashing lights managed to be dazzling but not overwhelming.

All the students looked amazing in their formalwear, even if some had never been to a dance before.

You could picture Nayeon and Jeongyeon dancing together as Nayeon convinced Jeongyeon to go the dance as her date...you'd wonder how the sight would be of them trying to slow dance as Jeongyeon would probably step on Nayeon's feet the whole time.

Momo and Dahyun would be causing chaos at the snack table all night as Momo would try to take some food in napkins and stuff them in her purse as Dahyun would laugh at her antics.

Sana and Tzuyu would be off doing anything you thought...Tzuyu wasn't one for dances and proms, but she knew that Sana was excited to come so she went along with her and Sana couldn't be anymore happier as they danced to a slow song.

Chaeyoung and Mina would probably be at a table just talking since Chaeyoung would be shy to really do anything, but Mina wouldn't fret and be close to the young one as they were dating now.

You also wondered if the four bullies were even there. If they weren't, you mentally congratulated yourself, feeling like you were the main reason none of those bullies were present.

After the way they treated Jihyo, you doubted you'd ever be able to be in the same room as them without wanting to tear them to shreds.

But, at that moment, you also drifted to two certain people.

It would hurt to see them together.

No...

It would downright slaughter you and you knew it.

Your chest would ache and your shoulders would tremble and your heart wouldn't be able to take it. And then you would break and cry yourself to sleep and pretend nothing was wrong in the morning.

You could feel tears forming, but you force them back.

You just wanted things to go back to normal.

The time before you foolishly wrote to Jihyo.

The time before hearing that Jihyo had fallen for Ace.

The time when you would enjoy every minute being near Jihyo without now things being awkward and silent.

But your big mouth ruined any normalcy you both could have now.

.

.

.

KNOCK KNOCK

You jumped when you heard your door being knocked on as you looked back to see it slightly open behind you.

"Honey, are you okay?" Your mother asked as you turned your head away and showed the back of you to your mom.

"I'm fine mom. Just wanting to sleep now." You spoke up, trying to feint your sad tone.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that, but you're needed for a moment." You heard your mom as you sighed softly.

Wiping away the very slight evidence of your tears, you turned around and forced a smile.

Your mom opened the door more, but it wasn't for her to come inside.

You felt prepared to greet your mom, but your words were instantly lodged in your throat.

Nothing could have prepared you enough for the sight in front of you. At first, you thought you were seeing an angel.

There Jihyo stood in a thigh-length dress that flared out at the waist in a black shade with two pink ribbons around her torso that perfectly fitted her form.

Your eyes roamed over pale, bare arms, stopped briefly to admire her figure, then continued down her bare legs to a matching set of black heels.

You looked back up to see Jihyo's hypnotic dark eyes staring at you, and your breath would have caught if you didn't already forget how to breathe when Jihyo walked in as your mom closed the door behind her.

Jihyo looked beautiful, gorgeous, and flawless.

Right now you felt like you didn't even deserve to stand close to Jihyo in fear that you might somehow make her beauty falter.

What you couldn't wrap her head around, however, was...why Jihyo was here?

"(YN)..."

You flinched at your name, unprepared for such a heavenly voice to grace your ears. Jihyo was peering at you patiently, but clearly, she was waiting for a response. You were so overwhelmed by Jihyo's presence that it took a full minute for your tongue to unwind.

"W-what are you doing h-here?" You questioned as you winced at her stare.

You subtly wiped your suddenly sweaty palms on your sweater and struggled to stay locked at Jihyo's piercing gaze.

"Well, I'm here to see what's wrong with you?" Jihyo answered.

You sighed as you figured as much.

"I'm sick Jihyo," You said upfront as Jihyo sighed.

"Couldn't you at least come up with a better excuse?" Jihyo spoke as you looked away. "Everyone's worried about-"

"Shouldn't you worry about your date?" You countered back as Jihyo's features softened.

You, a second after realizing what you said, looked away even more ashamed and red, almost craning your neck like a swan.

You then heard the steps of her heels as they sound like drums in your ears.

"(YN)...look at me." You heard and while you didn't want to, you couldn't deny Jihyo's request.

You slowly did as your eyes widened and saw Jihyo up close, smiling.

What surprised you was that it wasn't her usual smile that she did whenever someone made a joke or she passed a test...no...it was a sad smile, a smile begging for forgiveness.

It hurt to see for you.

What could Jihyo have possibly done that she would ask your forgiveness for?

Jihyo then held her hands together as her thumbs played with one another and she looked at them.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking since that talk we had," Jihyo explained, making your heart speed up. "You have no idea how worried I was when you acted as nothing happened. You can't just say things like that and pretend that things haven't changed between us."

Ice-cold fear took a tight grip of your heart as Jihyo's tone was rising.

You had never been as scared as you were right now at the thought of Jihyo believing things could never go back to the way they were.

That Jihyo would never think of you the same way.

That Jihyo was uncomfortable around you.

That Jihyo hated you.

"And...I know we hadn't had the time to talk about it more." You frowned slightly as you were the one who avoided any and all conversations with Jihyo. "But, that made me think more about you and us and, I have something to say to you."

You gulped.

'Stay away from me.'

'I love Ace, not you.'

'We'll never be more than friends.'

Were some thoughts that were making you already almost tear up.

You didn't notice the feet in front of yours as you looked up the dress and right in front of you was Jihyo mere feet away, but you didn't dare to look at her eyes.

"(YN)," Jihyo spoke firmly.

Jihyo's voice softened considerably, her tone the gentlest you ever heard.

Then you saw a hand being held out in front of you.

"I would love it if you came as my date."

.

.

.

You had prepared yourself for such pain that you didn't even know how to react to hearing something that made butterflies burst in your stomach.

There's no way you heard that right.

You looked up at Jihyo's face.

"But...I...you...what?" You stumbled.

Jihyo chuckled, the vibrations melodic in your ears.

"But...Jihyo..." Jihyo lost her smile at your concerned tone. As much as you wanted to be elated at Jihyo's words, you were more confused than anything else. "What about...Ace?"

Jihyo seemed to understand every emotion that lay beneath the question. "Well, he took Jennie. I set them up."

"...W-What!?" You questioned, your eyes widening dramatically.

If it wasn't a serious moment, Jihyo would laugh at your face, but she nodded.

"I know it's not a topic you'd want to hear, but let me explain."

-----------------------------------------------------

FLASHBACK

"So first of all, thank you for coming with me." Ace said as Jihyo nodded. "I'll just get right to it...I've been meaning to ask you something..."

Jihyo gave a small smile as she heard Ace start talking.

Yet...

Why did her heart feel so heavy?

Why did she feel like she wanted to be anywhere but here?

She'd been crushing on Ace hard; this should be what she wanted.

But she really didn't want to be here.

"Well, the dance is almost here and I know that you don't have anyone to go with..." Ace responded, rubbing the back of his neck, looking anywhere but Jihyo.

Ace actually looked nervous and Jihyo was going through déjà vu in this scenario. "And I was wondering...if you don't have a date...w-would you like to go as m-mine?"

Ace smiled at her with a nervous yet cute smile that made Jihyo slightly melt, and any form of shyness in his eyes was now replaced with confidence.

She wanted to give him a large smile.

Yet...

That didn't happen this time.

Ace's words were creating some doubts Jihyo had in her mind regarding the entire matter, though somewhere in her there was still a feeling of hesitation.

She rubbed her arm with her hand in her current state of confusion, this time being the one to avert her gaze from the other as she was finding it increasingly hard to maintain eye contact with Ace.

She found his words touching, and could feel the complete sincerity brimming out of them, which served to make it harder for her to give him an answer.

Her earlier resolve was beginning to crumble, and she found herself swaying in a positive direction to Ace's words.

A memory prodded at her from within her maelstrom of thoughts, carrying with it a vivid image.

Your smile...before you left her alone after your confession.

It brought a faint frown to her lips.

A second memory then surfaced after the first one, making Jihyo remember sadly how you had left her alone without as much as a backward glance at her during their last conversation.

It made her heart sink a little.

There was a stab at her heart, where the pain brought her to the point of tears, but she did her best to hold them back.

It would not do to start bawling her eyes out in front of Ace since she did not think it necessary for him to know the inner turmoil she was experiencing at the moment.

With great difficulty, she managed to dull the pain gnawing away at her heart.

.

.

With a thoughtful frown and a conclusion finally settling in her brain, Jihyo refocused her gaze onto Ace's eyes.

He stood there as she figured he'd let her think.

She then parted her lips to give him an answer.

.

.

"...I'm sorry Ace," Jihyo saw his eyes and smile drop slightly as she felt bad, "but I already have someone taking me."

Ace didn't move for a couple of seconds, but he nodded as he gave a small smile.

"Well...guess that's my luck then." He looked straight at her as Jihyo gave a frown.

"I'm sorry Ace."

"Oh, no worries, Jihyo. That's what I get for asking so late. Hey, it's okay." He gave a smile as Jihyo mimicked his actions. "Whoever it is, they're lucky." Jihyo smiled and thanked him as he nodded. "Well, thank you for at least coming here to listen Jihyo." He said as Jihyo nodded once more as Ace was starting to walk away-

"Wait, Ace. Jihyo asked as Ace looked back. "I'm sorry for saying no, but there's someone I know who would very much like to go with you." She said as you chuckled and nodded.

"Alright sure...who?"

Jihyo smiled as she held her hands together.

"You know Jennie right?"

---------------------------------------------

FLASHBACK END

"And that's when I mentioned Jennie to him. l knew she really likes him too and seeing as how she had no date...well they're together and she told me she was very happy with him while I was there that and Ace was happy to be with her and-"

"H-Hold on!?" You cut Jihyo's story as you held both hands up with a super confused look. "Why would you do that?! Why?!"

Jihyo gave a faint smile.

"As I said, I was already taken for," Jihyo replied as you looked baffled, "days ago actually when my date came along and took a stand for me from bullies." Jihyo smiled at you as you looked stunned.

"My date then confessed that they cared about me. It was the first time someone, other than my parents, said those words to me. And as the days went on, all I could think of," Jihyo inched her hand closer to yours, "was how much I wanted to be close to you and to hold your hand again."

The warmth that spread through your body was unlike anything you had ever felt before.

"Ace was just a crush, a schoolgirl crush, but with you (YN)...somehow it goes more than that. We have a history together and, from what you told me and wrote, it felt genuine. I was confused, yet happy to hear you say all those things."

Your gaze flickered between Jihyo's small, outstretched hand and her face, unable to believe what you were hearing.

"Jihyo..." you said carefully.

You were scared this was all fake.

If it was a dream.

Or if it was real, if Jihyo was saying all those things just to make you feel better and not being truthful about how she actually felt, it would be even worse.

You knew you had to voice that.

"I-I...was just...I-I don't want you to think you have to be with me just because of the way I feel about you. I don't want you to force yourself if you don't feel anything for me." You said to her as Jihyo nodded her head.

"I'm fully aware of that (YN). But I do feel something for you. I just don't know what it is yet." Jihyo looked away shyly, shuffling her feet. "And I was hoping you'd be able to help me figure it out."

.

.

.

You stared at her, eyes wide in shock.

You didn't even know what to say.

"W-wait...y-you w-want-"

"Yeah...yeah, I do." Jihyo looked to her as you let out a tear...you didn't bother fighting it. "I know I haven't been your friend or anything at all the past few days." Jihyo rambled, her cheeks turning pink. It became painfully obvious that Jihyo had been masking how nervous she was for the past few minutes, but now that everything was out in the open, the mask fell away.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you (YN). I shouldn't have just guessed it was Ace. I should have confronted him and maybe it would have led to you sooner. But I was stupid...I've re-read all those notes and each of them got to me and I should have known that it wasn't-" She stopped as she took a deep breath, to collect herself.

"...It's not your fault Jihyo...it was anonymous. How could you have guessed it was me..."

"But I should have guessed it was you (YN)...The way they were written, it didn't feel like just some random person from afar. Each sentence felt genuine. And you were the only one whose been so to me."

You looked down at both your hands.

"I can't say or tell how sorry I am (YN)...I consider you my best and most important person among all the girls and you've been there for me for everything and...I'm sorry that I put you through all that...I really am..."

She clasped your hand, squeezing it gently. For the first time in days, your expression actually conveyed how happy you felt. "We have so much to discuss (YN), but I came here for one thing. And that was to bring my date to the dance."

Just hearing that felt amazing...you couldn't believe Jihyo was saying those words.

You nodded as you smiled wide with tears coming down.

"Jihyo, please tell me I'm not dreaming." You said in a little voice.

"I promise you, this is not a dream." Jihyo responded and straightened herself. "(YN), I would be honored if you came with me to the dance." She asked with a hopeful smile on her face.

You didn't need a second to think.

"Yes, I'd love to." You answered sincerely and with a smile and laugh that made Jihyo's heart melt at seeing your smile, laughter, and happiness once more.

You laughed low, only realizing right then how long it had been since you'd just let go and let yourself feel good, "but there's one problem." That laughter went to frown as Jihyo held a hand out.

"May I see your phone?" You raised a brow, but she just did as told as she turned to get her phone from the bed and gave it to Jihyo already unlocked.

Jihyo then started to tap on the phone as you stared but was unable to see what she was doing.

"Now we could wait for you to get ready, but with the time to get you ready and travel we're going to miss pretty much the dancing and get to the end speeches," Jihyo explained as you then heard (Soft Slow Dance Song) being played as you widened her eyes a bit.

Jihyo went towards your dresser then placed the phone on it as she turned to you.

"So..." Jihyo instructed as you blinked at her as the song went on. "I say we share a dance...right now."

Was...was this happening...

You stared at Jihyo and almost melted at the timid but warm look she was giving you.

Shaking off most of your nerves, you took a step forward and slowly, so Jihyo would be sure of what she was doing, held their clasped hands up at shoulder height and laid the other on Jihyo's hip, trying hard to ignore how her fingertips were on Jihyo's waist.

Jihyo jolted a bit at the touch and you almost pulled away, but then Jihyo relaxed and rested a delicate hand on your shoulder.

With that, you began leading their dance.

You were worried at first.

You were not at all a bad dancer, but being so close to Jihyo made you nervous.

Looking at her, touching her, dancing with her; it was all so much to handle that you had trouble keeping your footwork fluid.

You were so scared that Jihyo would let go of your hand and walk back out of your room.

Until Jihyo laughed.

It startled you at first until you uncovered that Jihyo was enjoying herself so much.

You realized that Jihyo was so comfortable around you that you both didn't seem to have that awkwardness anymore.

A grin stretched across your face and an anxious weight finally lifted from your heart. Not worried about disappointing Jihyo anymore, you started leading them in a wild rhythm that was way faster than the beat of the background music.

Jihyo giggled all the louder.

You twirled your date, Jihyo's hair flowing around her body in a way that made you swoon.

In your excitement, you twirled Jihyo again. Jihyo, however, was not prepared for the second spin and lost her footing, falling forwards.

Instinctively, you thrust out her arms and caught her. Your heart skipped a beat upon feeling Jihyo's hot, surprised breath along your collarbone. Jihyo slowly looked up, blushing.

You blushed too; her brain finally registering just how close Jihyo was to her. You smiled down at the girl in your arms, hoping that would be enough to remedy the mishap.

You could only imagine how terrified Jihyo was at their close proximity; the girl wasn't fond of physical contact with anyone.

Thankfully, Jihyo reciprocated the smile, reminding you of a fireplace warming up on a cold, winter night. And then, to your utter shock, Jihyo lifted both her arms and draped them around your shoulders, keeping them close.

Your shock was quickly overpowered by an irresistible urge to hold this girl near.

You wrapped your arms around Jihyo's thin waist, keeping your hold firm but gentle. They stared deeply into each other's eyes, the world around them lost as they tenderly swayed in a slow dance once more.

"I'm sorry," Jihyo murmured.

"It's okay..."

"It's not...I'm so sorry (YN)...I've didn't mean for you to wait so long." Jihyo's voice softened even further, guilt in her eyes. "For making you look from afar and for me not to notice your feelings..."

"Hey now," you hushed. "All the fault is mine. I'm the one who waited too long to tell you how I felt. You don't owe any apologies."

"Still," Jihyo continued, "it must have hurt hearing about Ace."

"It did," you agreed with a slight nod. "But none of that matters now because you're here in my arms, and I will forever be thankful that you're giving me a chance."

Jihyo smiled yet the expression on her face was a mixture of appreciation and disbelief like she wanted to believe what you were saying but didn't know how to.

"So...are we...t-together?" You asked as Jihyo nodded.

"Of course. We are (YN)." Your throat clogged, your blood went warm and your heart thumped hard. You smiled brightly, "but I'm I haven't been in a relationship in a while or longer than two weeks so...just be wary of me making mistakes." You chuckled.

"Don't worry, I'm very new anyway. We'll get through it just fine and work it out together." You reasoned as Jihyo blew soft air and nodded at you.

And if words weren't able to convince her, you knew another way.

You leaned down and softly pressed your lips against Jihyo's.

You lingered for a few moments, only pulling away when you were sure the warmth of your touch would remain. Jihyo stared at you, eyes so wide that you knew you had to say something.

"I love you Jihyo." You admitted strongly. "And I'll show that each and every day."

It had been calling out to you when you confessed your feelings a few days ago. You had wanted to lean over and kiss Jihyo more so badly, but even you knew that would cross the line.

Of course, you didn't want to scare Jihyo away, a want that still carried weight, which was why you didn't try and kiss her.

You would try in due time when their relationship was a little more forged, but until then, you would give Jihyo space. You'd let Jihyo control the pace of their relationship.

Jihyo never replied to your words, instead choosing to bury her face in your bare shoulder. You were startled by the action, even more so when the body in your hold began to hold onto you tight and nodded.

You smiled, feeling your heart melt in your chest.

You felt tears brim your eyes but you didn't try to stop them, because for the first time in what felt like forever, they were joyful tears.

You could make Jihyo happy.

You were convinced of that now.

You could help Jihyo when she was upset, wipe her tears when she cried, warm her up when she was cold, and ultimately make her smile.

Show her how important she was to you.

Make her realize how blessed you felt to be with her.

She knew that Jihyo didn't love 'love' you yet, but that's perfectly fine.

You figured that Jihyo probably doesn't know what it felt like to truly love someone. But you were devoted to showing her every beautiful thing that love had to offer.

If anything, she was excited to see how the affection in Jihyo's eyes would grow and grow every time she looked at you.

Even if it took years for Jihyo's feelings to be as strong as yours was, you were willing to wait if it meant you could be with Jihyo; if it meant you could hold this beautiful girl in your arms and remind her every day how loved she was.

And if Jihyo was giving you the chance, you would hold onto her forever.

=====================================

AND THAT'S THAT!

Thanks for taking a pause in your life to reading this! Vote/Comment and thanks again!

[maximons]

All Is Lost

Summary: Zombies have taken over the world, humanity on the edge of extinction. All hope was lost. Despite that, Wanda couldn’t seem to let go of Y/n, who had fallen victim to the plague herself.

Word Count: 2,263

Genre: Angst

Requested?: No

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, cannibalism, suicide, mentions of blood. Spoilers for Ep. 5 of What If...?

A/N: I know, I know, I’m gonna get into the stuff I promised soon. But for now, the Zombies episode inspired me and this came out. If you haven’t seen the episode yet, go watch it. Its amazing and depressing. Also this is DARK guys, probably the darkest thing I’ve ever written, so...Happy Reading!

The Zombie apocalypse was always something everyone joked about, but never something that anyone could actually predict.

Everything happened so quickly, Wanda could barely keep up. It’s hard to believe that everything was so normal only two weeks ago. Now, she was locked away with Vision in an abandoned military base in New Jersey. Desperate to survive for as long as possible while Vision worked on a cure.

Some of his experiments had been a success, most notably Scott Lang who he was able to revert back from his zombified state. However, the man was now only a severed head.

Despite the success, Vision was less than optimistic. For one, Scott was one of the first infected. While the cure worked on him, the android theorized that the disease has mutated greatly since then, and it was likely impossible to cure everyone. And even if he could, the technology to do so is beyond human comprehension and therefore doesn’t exist.

Vision might have all but given up hope, but Wanda didn’t. She couldn’t. She refused to give up on you.

Wanda and you have been best friends for as long as Wanda had been an Avenger. You were already a member of the team and greeted her with an open mind and open arms, despite all she had done. You had fire powers, and while your powers weren’t identical to Wanda’s, you still offered some basic tips and tricks to keep such explosive powers at bay.

It wasn’t a surprise that she fell in love with you.

But her stupid fear had to get in the way, and when you came to confess your own feelings for her, she panicked and rejected you. You were so heartbroken, Wanda didn’t need to read your mind to know that.

And it kills her everyday knowing that that was the last interaction she had with you. The last one with you as yourself anyway.

All that remained now was the flesh hungry, blood thirsty monster that wore your, now rotting, skin.

This wasn’t you, she knows that. She looked into your mind and saw no trace of the woman you once were, the one she loved with all her heart. She couldn’t feel you, you were gone.

Despite this, Wanda couldn’t let you go. She couldn’t handle losing you entirely. She already lost almost everyone.

She managed to convince Vision to keep you in the base for testing. You were locked behind a large steel door, with only a window to see you through. But you were here, and that’s all Wanda cared about.

The cure wasn’t working for you. Your powers caused it to incinerate when it entered your system, proving it to be ineffective. Still, she refused to give up.

Vision thought it best to terminate you after the failed tests, but Wanda begged him not to. Knowing he couldn’t overpower her, and sensing his friend’s distress with anything that comes to you, he agreed. As long as Wanda had it under control.

She doubted he knew that she was luring innocent survivors into the base so you could feed on them, but she did what she had to do.

Wanda spent most of her days sitting outside of your cell. The first few days, you were ravenous. Banging on the walls and trying to burn them down, growling and screeching with the inhuman noise that took over your vocal chords, but you didn’t manage to break free. After a while, it seemed you have given up, and just sat in place. Only moving when Wanda opened the cell and let some of your ‘food’ in.

There were times where Wanda thought that maybe, just maybe, the cure was working more than they thought. You seemed to have recognized her, your facial expressions formed into ones that she had recognized and missed dearly. But that hope quickly died when she would peek into your head and still sense nothing.

“Hey, Y/n.” Wanda walked up to outside your cell and sat cross-legged like she did everyday. Your head rose, staring at her with your now glowing yellow eyes. “Still no progress on the cure, but don’t worry, I’m not giving up yet.” You offered no response, not that she expected one. “It’s hard. It’s only getting worse out there...” She sighed as she trailed off. She raised her hand to the glass, like she always did. “I’m going to figure it out...we’re gonna get you back to normal, and I’m going to tell you every day how much I love you. I miss you so much, but...we’re almost there. I can feel it...” Wanda’s voice started choking up, as tears ran down her face. “We deserve our happy ending.”

Her hand was still pressed against the glass as she finished her speech. She was about to lower it, but then something unexpected happened. You stared at her hand curiously, beginning to raise your own. Wanda watched, smile forming on her face as your arm made it’s way to the glass. 

“Wanda! Please come here, we have a situation.” You had almost pressed your hand against Wanda’s, when Vision’s voice interrupted. Your attention turned to the direction it came from and you let out a growl, clearly angry at the interruption. Wanda sighed in disappointment, but she tried not to let it take over. You still showed massive improvement, something worth reporting back to Vision. “It’s okay.” She soothed you. “I’m going to go see what he wants then I’ll be right back, okay? I know you’re hungry, I’ll get you some food too.” You didn’t offer a response as she walked off.

“Vis! I have to tell you-” Wanda began as she walked into the main room, but cut herself off at the new faces. She didn’t recognize the bald woman with the spear or the wimpy looking man in a workers uniform, but she was familiar with Peter. What surprised her most though, was Bruce Banner. A man she hasn’t seen in over three years. “What is going on?”

“I ran into them outside the premises. Apparently word has gotten out about the cure.” Vision answered before turning his attention back to the guests. “As I told you, I am afraid we cannot help you. The cure seems to be a moot point.”

“Well, what about-” Peter began, but he was interrupted by a new voice.

“For something you have no hope for, you sure don’t have a problem bringing in new test subjects.” Wanda recognized Bucky Barnes’ voice. She turned around, and her eyes widened as she saw King T’challa on his arm, struggling to stand on his one remaining leg.

Shit.

“My king! We thought you dead.” The bald woman exclaimed in relief and surprise.

“Your highness. I was not aware you were in the base.” Vision said, confused on how that got by him. It didn’t take him long to figure out why. “Wanda...”

“I’m sorry.” Wanda whispered, knowing she was caught. “The cure wasn’t working on Y/n, and in order to keep her at bay, I had to feed her.”

“So you fed her our King?” A spear was raised to her throat, threateningly.

“It was nothing personal, I promise. I have her under control and the cure is starting to work, I know it. We just need a little more time!”

“Why not just kill her? You lured innocent people to their deaths just for her when there a couple million more Zombies out there that you could use for testing. Ones that have a chance of being cured.” The whole room went quiet after Bucky said that.

“Uh oh. Shouldn’t have said that.” Wanda heard Scott say, but she was too busy glaring at Bucky. Her eyes started to go red, but before she could do anything, she noticed the spear held to her throat begin to glow red and melt. The woman dropped the spear as it began to burn her hands.

“Did it just suddenly get like, super hot?” Peter asked as he began to fan himself.

“Oh no...” Wanda trailed off. She looked up to notice the steal walls that led to your cell begin to melt. “You’ve done it now...she hasn’t eaten in days.” Before anyone could respond, the steel doors melted completely. The man in the uniform was unfortunate enough to be standing in front of it, as a strong burst of flame shot out and incinerated him on the spot. Only a second later, you flew out the door, covered in flames as you hovered above everyone.

Wanda watched in horror as you began to fight everyone. They weren’t holding up very well, and that’s when Wanda finally realized what she had done. This wasn’t you, and if you were still here, you would hate to see your body be used to attack and kill others.

“Vision! Get us out of here!” She heard Bruce yell, and Vision shot a blast towards the wall, blowing it up and letting everyone out. Wanda turned her focus back to you, you watched them starting to escape and you began to fly after them, but a red mist surrounded you before you could. You turned your head, starting to growl, but stopped when you saw it was Wanda.

“Y/n. Stop...” You tilted your head, still struggling to move as Wanda came closer. She took a chance and reached up, gently placing a hand on your face. “I am so sorry...you never deserved this...” Your face softened at the touch, beginning to show the signs of emotion that Wanda desperately held onto. However, it was clear now that it was too late.

You snapped out of it, as you managed to break free from Wanda’s hold. You opened your mouth wide, intent on biting and feeding on her, but something stopped you. You hesitated, and Wanda noticed. You settled for pushing her aside to the ground as you reignited yourself and flew out of the base.

Wanda picked herself up after a moment, intent on stopping you. She ran past Okoye’s body, charred and eaten, but she was sure there was little time until she turned. She ran faster to where you were, now facing off against Bucky. She sprinted further, about to take off and fly when she paused.

Vision was face down on the ground. She kneeled next to him, glowing red hand turning over his body, afraid of what she’ll see. Once he was turned, Wanda gasped at the sight. The mind stone was torn out of his head.

“Oh no...no, no, no...” She held his body, tears slowly building as she mourned the loss of her best friend. She had officially lost everything. “I am so sorry Vis...I’m going to make this right, I promise.”

She heard Bucky scream. She looked over to see you start to feed on him. She saw Bruce, Peter, Scott and T’challa in the distance, making their way to the jet. They were your next target.

No. Wanda wasn’t going to let that happen. It ends now.

She used her powers to propel herself forward, landing directly in your path. You growled at her yet again as she used her powers to hold you. “Y/n...please, stop.” You struggled to get out of the hold, but Wanda held on. “This isn’t you...you wouldn’t want this...I love you more than anything, and I’m so sorry...I hope one day, you’ll forgive me.” 

Wanda used her powers to grab the gun laying by Bucky’s side. She held in to your head, ready to pull the trigger...but she couldn’t. She let out a scream of frustration and dropped her hold on both you and the gun. The gun fell to the ground, but you haven’t moved.

“I can’t do it...I...I’m not strong enough...” Wanda began crying, shutting her eyes and waited for you to finish her off. She failed everyone, no one deserved death more than her. She opened her eyes when nothing came. You stood, staring at her with a tilt of your head. The yellow of your eyes dimming as you stared.

“W....Wan...” You struggled to let out, but it was enough for Wanda to hear. She cried even harder. She was right, you were almost there...but it was too late now.

You took in your surroundings as best you could, you didn’t have a lot of awareness, but you knew enough to piece everything together. You saw the influx of zombies starting to enter to base.  Everyone needed to get away. You turned back to Wanda, and you knew what you had to do. You felt the little control you had start to slip away.

You bent down and picked up the discarded gun. You shakily pointed it to your temple, the control slipping away faster and faster. “Love....you....I...sorry...” You managed to croak out. Before you could lose control completely, you pulled the trigger.

Wanda watched in horror as you shot yourself in the head. Pieces of your brain landing on her, your blood drenching her. She looked down to see your body, half your face still together, but you were gone. Truly gone.

She knelt down sobbing, as she held your body. After a moment she looked up to see the Hulk appear as the zombies began to overwhelm the base. She saw the jet take off, and she gave a weak smile. They got away. Wanda’s job was done. This is where her story ends. All was lost for her.

So when the zombies finally reached her, she didn’t fight back. Accepting her death with open arms.

Epilogue

[twistedmusings]

Congratulations Rin-san! Your writings are amazing you deserve them

As for the prompt drabbles, may I have ["You came back." "I promised, didn't I?"] for Floyd/gn!MC ? Thank you in advance 💕

A/N: You know what I love? Fluff scenarios that start with angst. I love it. It’s like eating ice cream and getting brain freeze only for the next bite to literally cure your depression. I hope this way okay q wq 

Warnings: None! 

Floyd Leech 

Floyd wondered just what Shrimpy was doing right now. 

They usually popped around the Monstro Lounge around this hour. With arms full of books and a tired smile that spoke of staying over until closing time to finish an assignment. 

An assignment that would end up forgotten as Floyd ignore all his responsibilities to sit down and talk with them. 

Shrimpy was one of the few reasons he sometimes went to classes. Nevermind trying to tease Goldfish or finding another forgotten anemone that needed to be squeezed, if Floyd’s eyes landed on his Shrimpy’s figure he would drop whatever he was doing and trot over to wrap them up in his arms. 

When was the last time he had even given a hug? 

Right. In the Mirror Chamber. 

After Shrimpy told him that they would come back. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t believe them but Floyd was not stupid. He wasn’t one to raise his expectations or believe that the impossible could happen. Besides he had tried. He had even gone and made a contract with Azul to try and get Shrimpy back to Twisted Wonderland! But Azul would only shake his head and say that Floyd knew better than anybody that he wasn’t a miracle worker. 

 So that is where he is at, with his head on the Monstro Lounge bar while all these dumb emotions made him feel like he had just gotten beached.

“Floyd.” 

A pen is placed on the top of his head, Floyd grunting as he hears his brother’s voice. 

“Did you finish your report?” 

He just grunted in reply to his brother’s question, which earned him a prolonged sigh. 

“It’s due tomorrow. If you don’t turn it in Mr.Crewel will--” 

Hands slam down on the low lit bar, Floyd raising his head and letting out a frustrated scream. 

“AH! I DON’T CARE! I DON’T CARE ABOUT SOME STUPID PAPER OR WHAT DOGFISH-SENSEI WILL SAY! I JUST WANT SHRIMPY BACK.” 

Jade blinks at the sudden outburst of emotion, shaking his head as Floyd scratches at his. 

“Floyd. They’ve been gone for six months.” 

The merman rolls his eyes, what a nice doting brother he had.

“Shut up Jade.” 

“What I’m trying to say is that you are going to have to pick yourself back up. You are about to enter your third year--” 

Jade’s teeth click shut as Floyd let’s out another scream. 

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP! I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE! EVERYTHING HAS BECOME SO BORING NOW THAT SHRIMPY IS GONE. I’M DONE! TELL AZUL THAT I’M QUITTING.” 

“Well isn’t that unfortunate.” Azul’s voice rang out through the Lounge, “Guess I get to keep the gift I got for you to myself, right Floyd?” 

Floyd grits his teeth as he turns around to cuss out his former ‘boss’, doing his best to channel all of his sadness and loneliness into rage. If he did that then surely he wouldn’t cry...

Yet all of that tension and anger melted as he looked into your eyes. 

Azul smiled as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, “Well [Y/N]-san? Does that mean you are my present now?” 

You were about to retort with a witty remark, having thought of one ever since Azul had sent you off to your own world with a rather sarcastic comment. This was payback time! 

But your vision was immediately blocked, arms pressing you against a broad and warm chest as Floyd immediately hugged you and dragged you as far away from Azul as he possibly could. It was you, after all. Floyd dragged you all the way back to his seat while his arms kept you firm against him. 

There wasn’t any way that this wasn’t you. The way you laughed as you pressed your palms against his chest in an effort to pull him away. You would always do that when he distracted you and the pressure felt so familiar that it almost brought Floyd to tears. 

It was you. It was you! 

“Floyd.” 

Your voice. Floyd didn’t want to admit it but he was starting to forget it. If he had forgotten the way you called out to him, then he really wouldn’t have known what to do. 

He pulls you away from him slowly, his arms sliding down to your waist so that he can still keep you pressed to him. You looked up at him with a soft smile, reaching out to cup his face in his hands as he pushed into your touch. 

“...you came back...” 

How pathetic. His voice was cracking. You, however, barely paid attention as you brought him down to kiss his eyelid, helping one tear finally trail down Floyd’s cheek. 

“I promised, didn’t I?” 

That’s right. You promised. How could Floyd think that you wouldn’t go through with your promises? You were the most interesting thing he had ever met, after all! 

Only you could surprise him like this. 

[rotten-g0r3]

Hey what’s up squad, unfortunately, I’m not dead, landed myself in the psych ward for a bit, wouldn’t recommend.

Would be cool if helped me in any way but it in fact did not, maybe it would for some but not for me ig, I did get diagnosed with some stuff I guess and that’s cool but besides that they basically just spent my summer break pumping me up with meds and going through breathing exercises with me repetitively over and over again like it would cure me.

One great little thing I was diagnosed with was persistent depressive disorder which can be more mild then major depressive disorder but it lasts longer, which basically means ill basically never feel happy, I will more then likely be sad every single day for most of the day for the rest of my life, how sad I’ll be varies but yah, not ideal ig.

I also got me some Anxiety disorder, A processing disorder, and ADHD. Also not Ideal

Anyhow they got rid of my razors so I gotta get new ones and if anyones got any better ideas for my next attempt, please send em right over.

-<3

[conscious-love]

Why Holding On To Past Relationships Is The Worst Thing You Can Do For Yourself, Period

by Daniel Dowling via MindBodyGreen

Three years ago I was a 24-year-old failure-to-launch who lived on his mom’s couch and shared a bathroom with two teenage sisters. My friends had their own houses, degrees, and independence. And there I was, broke and depressed, totally reliant on my parents. It hadn't ever not been that way.

But in 2014 I made one small decision, which led to results I still sometimes can’t believe.

Today, I’m leading writers in a national campaign to rebrand my hometown, and I write for the best entrepreneurial and self-improvement sites in the world (mbg being my favorite; no lie). I make a great living coaching others to become the happiest and most successful versions of themselves. That’s a lot of change in just three years, from any perspective. And I can trace the transformation of my life back to one single thing: letting go of my exes—completely.

Breaking free from serial monogamy.

For most of my adult life I’d been a serial monogamist. I thought I just really loved love, but it turns out I was just really, really afraid of responsibility. So, for my personal dissatisfaction and unhappiness, self-improvement wasn’t the cure—it was a new girlfriend! And when that one didn’t work out, I'd find another. Yay for love!

Except it wasn’t love because I wasn’t becoming the best version of myself through these relationships. So after the last one ended ignominiously, I quit the love game—just not quite all the way.

I still kept in contact with my exes. And Jen—my former fiancee—was a particular crutch. We still visited each other even though we lived in different states. We kept in regular contact through texts and phone calls, especially during crises. I was still depending on her to make me happy.

Every time we talked, I renewed the connection to my former ways of thinking and behaving. It strengthened the conviction that, deep down, I could only be happy with Jen. She was my way out. If things got too tough, I could always come to her, and she could come to me. We even promised that if we weren’t married by 30, we’d get hitched. Talk about a safety net… (and, yes, also the plot of My Best Friend's Wedding).

Unfortunately, that safety net was keeping me from being the bold, successful, independent man I wanted to become. I just couldn’t seem to cut the cord on my own.

Flying without a net.

Then one day I was listening to an audio course from my favorite self-improvement mentor, Zig Ziglar. He was talking about how to right our wrongs and forgive ourselves. He advised writing apologies down and sending them to the appropriate people. But he had a special step for exes.

"When it comes to the forgiveness you want from your exes [Zig has a drawling Southern accent], I want you to follow all the steps I just gave you. But instead of sending off the letter, I want you to fold it up, light a fire, and burn the damn thing. Cuz there’s no point in renewing emotional connections with people who aren’t good for you. That’s why they're your exes! It’s time to move on from them and fully embrace your own life."

When one is slapped by truth, one’s jaw has a tendency of dropping, and the eyes have a tendency to glaze over, lost in a thousand-yard stare. That was the picture of my face. Might’ve even drooled a little.

I thought about Jen, and Em, and Katie. I thought about how important they’d been for me and how much security they’d brought me. And I knew I had to let them go for good. For good.

No more texts or calls. No more being Facebook friends. No email updates. No nothing.

I had anxiety about the decision, naturally—severing ties with my past and obliterating a huge comfort zone. But I had a future to step into. I had to do that on my own.

Dealing with the emptiness.

I missed my former girlfriends like crazy. But instead of feeling sorry for myself and longing for them, I prayed for them. I asked God for the same things I was asking for my own self-improvement journey—courage, faith, hope, positivity, inspiration, grace, and so on. I prayed for them to meet amazing and inspiring friends who could help them become their best selves. I prayed for my future wife. And I prayed that I would become the fully independent man capable of supporting her.

In all this praying, I completely changed my focus. Instead of relying on my girlfriends for faith and reassurance, I relied on God and my own ability to handle my problems. I took back the misplaced faith in my girlfriends and put it squarely in my own hands.

That’s when I finally launched.

Do you believe in life after love?

Just like Cher, I found my power only after letting go of my past relationships.

Without my exes as safety nets, it was just me. Nobody else was going to make me happy. So I did what I needed to do to make me successful—all the writing, studying, practicing, pitching, researching, and self-improvement. I actually become part of a community and made new friends. I fully embraced my own damn life.

Three months passed and I still missed my exes. But I was making money through my writing and making new connections.

Six months passed and I still missed my exes. But I’d started earning a full-time living through my writing. And I was growing more confident by the day, especially in my community.

A year passed and I still missed my exes. But I was fully independent through my passion. And I’d outgrown the anxiety and depression that had haunted me since I was a teenager—a by-product of my newfound faith in me.

It’s been three full years since I cut out my exes. I’m 100 percent over each one, but I’m human—I still miss them! Who wouldn’t? They were brilliant and beautiful women who were insanely fun to be with. I made thousands of joyful memories with each one.

Sometimes I’m reminded of them by hearing a certain song or watching a movie. But that’s just another opportunity for me to thank God for them and to pray for them. It’s another opportunity for me to be the independent and faithful man I know I can be for myself, for my wife, for my clients, and for my audience. It’s another opportunity to find security in myself and in a higher power. And through these opportunities, I’ve found the happiness and fulfillment I always wanted.

I advise all of my clients to go on a yearlong relationship fast, which most of them do. But the real growth comes when they fully let go of their exes and stop using them as crutches. It’s hard, hard, hard to do but absolutely essential if you want to grow.

Here are five tips to help you let go of your exes for good:

1. Start a self-improvement routine, complete with daily, weekly, and monthly goal setting.

Read this article as a primer.

2. Meet with someone weekly to discuss your personal growth and your journey.

This person will help keep you accountable to your goals and lifestyle choices. Can be a friend or an amazing coach.

3. Stay single for a year—totally single.

If you can’t be happy with you, you won’t be happy—truly happy—with anyone else. Love that you! Commit to being successfully single for a year. That means happy, connected in your community, fulfilled in your work, and in a state of continuous personal growth. (Your daily routines and long-term goals will be critical to this step.)

4. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people.

Join a faith community where people strive to live out the values you identify with. This is where you’ll find the deep connections that you can grow with—and that will prevent you from leaning on your exes as crutches.

5. Pray or meditate often.

Use your emotions as mindfulness cues. When you miss someone, pray for them. When you’re lonely, pray for the courage, positivity, and fortitude to make good decisions. When you think you can’t go on—that happens to everyone—pray for what you need. This will help you grow faith in a higher power and yourself, which is an absolute must if you want to be happy alone.

And being happy alone? That’s an absolute must for loving someone unconditionally in a relationship that can last a lifetime.

Link to article on Mind Body Green

Author: Daniel Dowling

[astaroth1357]

Hello!! Congratulations on your 1,500 followers!!! I was wondering if you could write hc's with the Demon brothers reacting or helping MC with daddy issues(if possible specifically the kinds with an absent father). If possible please make the female MC, but if you would prefer to make it Gender Natural than its awesome as well!! Thank you very much for your awesome work!!💖💖

A F!MC has an Absent Father (Mammon, Beel, Asmo, and Lucifer)

Okay, so this was a pretty tough request (part of the reason why I'm getting to it so late). Having an absent father can lead to a lot of different (very sensitive) issues for their daughters and I always want to try and be as respectful as possible while still producing accurate content… So instead of my usual 7 brothers format, I'll be shortening this to the brothers that I think could best handle the situation at hand. As always, I will try my best to be respectful to those who may be experiencing these struggles, but if anything I say comes across as harmful or triggering please let me know right away. I'll take down/edit the post if need be. Thank you.

Warnings: Absent Fathers, Eating Disorders, Body Image Problems, Depression, Abandonment, Divorce

Mammon

What kind of Dad wants nothing to do with his kids?? From Day One, Mammon just couldn't understand it...

Admittedly, he might have been a little biased. Ever since he watched his baby brothers grow up, he'd always had a little soft spot for anklebiters in general… They made for pretty sweet kids compared to their rude, spitfire-y current selves (even Satan had his moments). Mammon could see that same innocence in a lot of kids, human, angel, or demon.

So when the MC revealed to him that her own father walked out on her mother before she was born, he was just slightly (incredibly) outraged.

Though he'd like to believe the guy had his reasons for leaving, it just didn't sit right with him… Especially after getting to know the MC so well and seeing that she was such a great person! 

Hadn't the guy been curious about her at all? Didn't he care?? What was stopping him now?? (You know, aside from being on a completely different plane of existence and all that. Like that would stop Marlin from finding Nemo… Yeah, he likes Pixar. What of it?)

Some people might have gone as far as to say that Mammon was waaay more upset about it than she was herself, which was nice but well… his heart was in the right place.

It was around the time when he offered to track the guy down, hogtie him, then leave him to drown in the 4th Circle that she had to take him aside and explain that, though she appreciated his anger on her behalf, she didn't need him to crusade for her… 

She ultimately told him that if he really wanted to help, he could love her and be there for her. Words that he not only took it to heart, but he took very seriously.

She’d never had anyone be as reliable or faithful as Mammon was after that point. As far as he was concerned, he could be what her father never was for her: loving, caring, and present for no other reason than because he loved her!

You know, like you're supposed to be for the people you hold dear...

True, he didn’t always say the right things nor did he always manage to solve every problem for her when he tried to help but he never stopped trying to make her feel loved. He'd spend every Grimm he'd ever had if he had to. She deserved it.

Beelzebub

When you love someone, you usually want to get to know more about them. Things like their past… So it wasn’t unusual for Beel to ask the MC about her home back in the human world, especially after he shared his own past with Lilith and his brothers.

Unfortunately (or fortunately he'd suppose, depending on how you look at it), the intricacies of divorce were a little new to him... Sure, he knew what marriage was and that relationships can fail, but to be frank, he grew up in a very different sort of situation than that of humans. 

He didn't even have a mother, much less and traditional father-son relationship. Lucifer filled in that spot for him like he had for everyone else and they left their father of their own accord...

But something about the way the MC talked about how her father left felt… upsetting. She seemed to use different sorts of tones when talking about the whole thing... At first, she spoke it with blank apathy, but then it changed to bitterness, then lastly… sadness. Like she was regretful about something that, for as far as he could tell, was completely out of her control…

He didn't want to pry into her past much more for that reason... Though he could tell something about it had hurt her, probably deeply, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable so he just waited for her to come to him instead...

And in time, she did.

And ever the patient listener, Beel let her get it all off her chest. He could tell that she felt a lot of different ways about it, and most of them weren’t positive, but he was never one to tell people how to feel about anything. Thinking back on it, he supposed that he’d feel pretty bad too if Lucifer just left the family one day, but even that wasn’t quite the same thing… 

What he knew for certain was that it hurt him to see her so upset and, for once, he wasn’t really sure how to fix it… Can you even “fix” these things? Since he didn’t know the answers he just made a simple promise to himself in order to help make things better...

He probably couldn’t bring her father back, nor could he make his absence hurt any less, but he could be there for her instead. Not like a father, obviously, but as someone who could always love her whether or not she felt she needed it...

And from then on, he let his actions so the talking.

If she was upset and needed comfort, Beel was there. If she was feeling lonely or unloved, he’d be the first to notice and hold her close. Even if she tried to push him away to protect herself from any pain, he wouldn't just abandon her. He'd wait patiently for her to be ready to let him in.

He might not have known all the answers for her, but he wasn't going to let her feel all alone… He made sure of that.

Asmodeus

If he were telling the truth, Asmo was already pretty familiar with this sort of thing. Everybody has "Daddy Issues," himself included, and affects people in a lot of different ways in or outside the bedroom.

Which is why he found it particularly disheartening when he noticed some signs in his beloved MC…

The MC had once confided in him that her relationship with her father was… distant. Though he was physically in the family, she never felt like she could talk to him or get to know him… In a sense, he was never as involved in her life as he probably should have been.

That alone wasn't very uncommon for human families, or so he's heard, heck between his Heavenly-but-Distant Father and his Not-as-Distant-but-Always-Busy Brotherly Surrogate, he could even relate… but it was how she seemed to cope that concerned him…

Something about her self-esteem just wasn't where it needed to be… 

Of course, Asmo's not one to get on a high horse and preach that looks don't actually mean anything (he's a demon, not a hypocrite) but there's a big difference between practicing self-love and falling victim to self-critique… There’s wanting to look your best because it brings you personal joy to do so, then there’s constantly worrying about rejection when you don't look so nice… He's seen it all before.

Truthfully, it was a painful cycle to witness… the eating and then the starving… the hours she’d spend in front of the mirror or her bitter tears after a "bad" selfie… It made his heart ache uncontrollably just to think about it…

So of course he intervened, he simply had to. Not only was it unhealthy for her but it could have brought his darling so much lasting pain in the long run...

When he finally spoke to the MC, he tried to be as gentle as he could while still expressing his concerns… He told her that he noticed the way she had been acting and that he was worried about her…  He genuinely believed that she indeed deserved love with no strings attached. She didn’t need to “prove herself” worthy of it for him or any of his brothers because they would be there for her regardless of what she looked like.

It wasn’t a cure-all. obviously, but never thought it would be. It would take her time to learn how to express love for herself or feel secure that he wouldn’t just start ignoring her one day… but Asmo was nothing if not a caring and patient lover. 

He tracked down places and people who could help her with her struggles and what they couldn’t offer he picked up on himself through perseverance, persistence, and a lot of research. He had his heart set on helping her and that was exactly what he planned to do.

Asmo wasn’t going to stop until she believed that she was honestly, genuinely loved... And that was a promise.

Lucifer

Lucifer picked up that there was something a little different about the human early on, even before he was ever told that her father passed away when she was young. She seemed… particularly fond of him.

He didn’t think much of it at first, but over time it started getting more and more apparent that she gravitated to him for one reason or another… She’d hover around him, bring him things while he worked, or act out like she wanted his attention (not completely unlike Satan or Belphie in that regard).

If he were being honest, it flattered him some, but the more he began to think about it the more… uncomfortable it made him for reasons he couldn’t quite place…

Eventually he gave in and had to run the problem by Barbatos just for a little clarity (he figured the butler could be discreet about it) and that’s when the connection between him and the MC’s deceased father finally came to light. 

There was no real way to sugarcoat it other than to say that she seemed to think of him as… a surrogate Dad of sorts… Which didn’t exactly ease his concerns at all. 

Though he was probably the most “fatherly” person in the House (having more or less become the unofficial father figure to his brothers for centuries), those were still his brothers. He had a large part in actually raising them. The MC was not only a human, but patently not his child. He truly had grown to love her over their time together but that was a very different kind of love…

Something about the situation rubbed him the wrong way… Would he be taking advantage of the MC’s past if he were to try and be with her like he wanted…? Sure, he may be demonic, but he’s not heartless. He only wanted what was best for her and he wasn’t quite sure that was him for once…

While he was still mulling over his feelings, the MC finally jumped the gun and asked him if they could start dating. He knew that it would hurt her (and him) if he said no but he also couldn’t pretend that there wasn’t a problem here…

So he compromised. He agreed to the relationship, but told her that he wanted to take things slow… He was open about his concerns that she may not love him for the reasons she thought she did, which wasn’t the most pleasant conversation to have but it seemed like the one she needed to hear.

It encouraged him that she didn’t appear to reject him outright when he brought it up, nor was she completely broken up about the pace he wanted to set for them, which was a good sign. 

He offered to find her people to talk to about her concerns, particularly around her upbringing, at no cost to her. He thinks humans call them… therapists? Whatever they were, he didn’t doubt that they were better equipped to help than he was.

He tried his best to make it clear that he was only concerned because he loved her so deeply that he wanted to make sure that he wasn’t using her trauma for his own ends... She deserved better than that and he wasn’t afraid to tell her such.

It ended up being a slow process to love for them both, but he’d never regret putting the MC’s wellbeing first. No matter what.

[unforth]

…okay I don’t think I’m going to manage another prompt fill today, my brain just won’t boot, but I guess that means this is as a good a time as any to explain what the fuck is going on. I’ve already talked about it on like three of my Discord servers but I know I have a lot of mutuals on here who aren’t in any of those servers so.

I’ve been having issues with my back on and off since my mid 20s. I didn’t have insurance then so I didn’t do anything about it, and when I did get insurance at 31 it wasn’t a priority. However, after I had a really bad flare up while I was pregnant with our second kid, it became a higher priority. When I had another flare up and wasn’t pregnant, so I could actually get testing, I went to an ortho urgent care. They did an x ray, said nothing was wrong, and told me I should get painkillers. So I went to my PCP, said I thought I needed an MRI, and they said that would never get approved by insurance and they sent me to PT. That was about 3.5 years ago. I did the PT but since my flare ups never lasted more than 6 weeks, and the PT was a six week course, obviously I was “cured” by the PT, so every time I had a flare up any attempt at care was met with, “go to PT.” And considering that first round of PT 1. Didn’t help and 2. Cost me $750 out of pocket cause insurance didn’t cover it…yeah I didn’t do that. My flare ups got more and more frequent, from once every few years in my 20s, to once every year, to more than once a year. This year, one last winter never fully faded.

By summer I had steady low level pain and stiffness but I could manage through it so I just ignored it. That started intensifying in October, and I thought it was a full new flare by November, except the pain was different than past flares - more intense, more constant, much harder to ignore and work through. It also had a strong radiating sciatic component that was fucking ow. And it got steadily worse. I spoke to my PCP about a month in; she offered PT and I said no. She got me naproxon for pain and baclifen as a muscle relaxer. It didn’t help. She told me if it didn’t fade in six weeks I should call again. Which I did, a few days before Christmas, when it was clear that far from fading, it was getting steadily worse. I couldn’t stand long enough to do the dishes without incapacitating pain; Christmas night I drove my mom home and couldn’t make my foot depress enough to press the brake. That was. Well it’s a good thing moms house is only a few minutes away. I haven’t driven since then cause I have only gotten worse. She referred me to a specialist I chose because of their good reputations and my wife’s knowledge of them,

I talked to the specialist about everything last Thursday, and finally, after four years of me telling any doctor I could that I thought I needed an MRI, I had my first ever MRI on Monday. The specialist also gave me much better meds, which at least have meant I slept; by the night before my appointment I was in so much pain that sleep was literally impossible; I spent the night curled in a ball on the couch playing Minecraft and wishing any position would hurt less cause I was so tired. (I’d hardly slept three other nights that week for similar reasons).

Anyway, yesterday I had my follow up with the specialist to discuss the MRI results and, uh. I guess my first appointment I didn’t do a great job of explaining just how much pain I was in, because she was very much talking about PT and related treatment. After looking at the MRI she said, I’m going to see if the surgeon is available to speak to you literally right now (unfortunately, he wasn’t). She still hedged bets and said the surgeon might not recommend surgery, but after she said that she spent the entire rest of the appointment discussing surgery so. She clearly thinks I need surgery. I have a herniated bulging disc between my L4 and L5 vertebrae which has caused spinal stenosis, which is leading to the pain, tingling, growing weakness, etc. in laymens terms, the disc is all fucked up and it’s pressing on my spinal cord. It’s basically just a matter of time now before I start to risk permanent nerve damage (I’m not there yet but could easily get there). I wasn’t even able to get an appointment with the surgeon yet, because his regular calendar is full for weeks out, and they need to talk to his secretary to see if he can squeeze me in much sooner, but she won’t be back in the office until Monday. In the meantime, she gave me a list of conditions that, should I meet any of them, I should immediately go to the ER, tell them what’s going on, and the surgeon on call would do the surgery instead (the spine folks I saw are part of the hospital, and the four surgeons they have are the four on call surgeons at the ER, and they’re all good, so this isn’t going to get me worse care). She also made it sound like, given staff shortages caused by Covid and scheduling issues also caused by Covid, there was a pretty high chance I’d have to use the ER option.

All of which is to say, I need major surgery on my back and I’ve been in continual pain for about 2 months.

I’m currently on ludicrous amounts of medication, and yesterday she added prednisone to the mix, and that’s what’s just. Completely knocking me out. I was doing okay before that but today I really am just reverting to my natural boneless blob state on the couch…and I’m still in pain and can hardly stand.

I have no idea when my surgery will be, since I could theoretically meet one of the “go right now” criteria at any time. We’ve made what arrangements we can, and will be making more as we’re able, but…yeah. It’s a lot. I’m actually relieved about the surgery itself, since I’ve been dealing with this for so long, and I’ve been so sure I had a herniated disc and that I’d need surgery to fix it, and sure enough I was right, and if they’d listened to me sooner, I might not be in this mess now, but oh well. The surgery has a very high success rate and if I do PT and stuff after odds are I’ll be pain free and back to 100% once I’m through the recovery, so this isn’t a bad thing, I mostly just wish I could fucking get it over with again.

I am. So tired.

(I also can’t sit at my computer literally at all anymore; I’m doing everything from my iPad rn, which is why everything I write is full of typos and weird auto corrects, and I’m sorry.)

(This is also why I’m behind in literally everything I’ve said I’ll do. I’m sorry. I’m trying.)

[evieonic]

I love your blog!! I was wondering if you would write about platonic Yuuji getting tickled by Gojo & Megumi? Tysm!

Hi Anon! I'm so sorry it took so long to get this posted, I had a tough time coming up with ideas and then I got sick but it's all good now! Thank you for your patience. This is what I came up with, I hope you enjoy it. This fic can also read on ao3 if you'd prefer to read it there.

Remedy For A Broken Heart (Published:  08/15/2021)

Pairing: Platonic only, characters: Gojo, Yuuji, and Megumi

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Trigger Warning: None, though technically contains a break-up and non-consensual tickling though it's all in good fun.

Length: 1595 Words, 1 Chapter. Completed.

Summary: Yuuji's heart got broken by some chick at school and absolutely refuses to go to class. Megumi takes it into his own hands to get the strawberry blond happy again by calling Gojo-sensei who has some... talented tickling fingers.

------------------------------------ Megumi sighed as he stared down at the miserable sight below him. Yuuji was curled up in his bed with the covers over himself, completely ignoring the world. There were tissues littering the bed with tubs of empty ice cream on the nightstand. There was only one explanation for a sight like this.

Yuuji… got his heart broken.

“Yuuji,” Megumi sighed once more, pulling off the covers, “I know your heart is broken and the world seems to be ending, but you still have classes.”

“No!” Yuuji grumbled, pulling the covers back over his head with a yank, “tell them I'm sick or something.”

Megumi rolled his eyes, “Yuuji, it’ll be a good distraction.”

Yuuji only curled further into his bed, completely ignoring the boy. Megumi had never seen Yuuji this depressed before. It honestly concerned him. He placed his chin in his hand, his other on his hip as he took a moment to come up with an idea. What could possibly cheer up Yuuji? Talking about girls wouldn’t help, it’d only remind him of his loss. Maybe ice cream? No, the poor boy has had enough. A movie? No, he wouldn’t focus.

His mind raced with ideas until bingo, he had it. He smirked slightly as he folded his arms over his chest, “alright. Suit yourself.” He took his phone out of his pocket, dialing his emergency cheer up number. He knew it was going to work because Yuuji had done the exact same thing when Megumi was feeling down.

He grinned slightly as the familiar voice answered, “hello?”

“Gojo-sensei, I apologize for bothering you so close to class…,” Megumi began. He always felt a little bad for calling Gojo for anything that seemed minor.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, I'm here to help! What can I do for you?”

“Well, Yuuji got his heart broken so he refuses to go to class, so I was wondering if you could-” Megumi hadn’t gotten most of the words out when Gojo suddenly hung up. “H-Hello? Gojo?”

Megumi lowered his phone, looking at the ID in confusion, about to redial Gojo’s number when suddenly, their dorm room door was blown off of it’s hitches, hitting the wall with a hard impact.

“AYO I HEARD SOMEONE WAS SAD IN HERE,” A voice yelled and Megumi immediately realized what happened. Gojo had kicked down the door.

“Gojo-'' Megumi started, anger evident in his voice, but he was interrupted by Yuuji suddenly perking up, frightened by the sound of their door crumbling down.

He blinked. He glanced at Megumi, then glanced at Gojo.

And then he realized exactly what they had planned.

Megumi couldn’t help but smirk as he saw Yuuji suddenly remember that the last time Megumi was sad, he had called Gojo over and the two of them practically tickled him to death, making his sadness go away. Megumi had sworn revenge ever since that day. Today was a perfect opportunity.

“W-Wait,” Yuuji began, sinking back underneath his covers as Gojo’s eyes narrowed at him, “w-wait, there’s been a mistake, I’m-”

Gojo was making a beeline to him now.

“W-WAIT, I’m fine! Gojo, I’m- eheh !” Giggles were already catching in his throat, bringing a smile to Megumi’s face.

“Nurse, hold him down!” Gojo ordered. Megumi immediately obeyed, though cringed at being called a nurse. He held Yuuji down by his arms while Gojo yanked his covers away.

“N-N-NO! I’m fine, Gojo, I’m good!” Yuuji stammered, panicking before turning his gaze to Megumi, giving him his finest death glare, “why did you call him, you traitor?!”

“Revenge,” Megumi said.

“How?! You needed that and you know you did!”

“Well, you also need this so…,” Megumi shrugged, “point denied.”

Gojo hummed in thought as he straddled Yuuji, looking at him and thought, “hmm, I see, I see. I can see the sadness is located here,” he poked at Yuuji’s chest, right where his heart was, “we will need to prepare for an emergency tickle session.”

“Yes doctor,” Megumi nodded, falling into the scene Gojo was creating.

Yuuji only looked at them both as if they were idiots, “the fuck is wrong with you two? Can you please let me just be sad in peace, it’s okay to be sad every now and then- it’s healthy!”

“See, now that’s a symptom of extreme sadness, which means you’re too far gone,” Gojo said seriously, shaking his head. “He’s worse than I thought. Are you ready, nurse?”

“Yes doctor.”

“Can you two at least not be weird about this?!” Yuuji complained once more but Gojo ignored him, rubbing his hands together as if he was about to use a defibrillator on him.

“Clear!” He shouted before placing his hands on Yuuji’s sides and wiggling his fingers about.

The effect was immediate. Yuuji squirmed and thrashed about, forcing Megumi to hold on tighter, keeping him pressed on the bed as laughter filtered out of his mouth. “GAHAHA-! Nohohohohoho!! Staaahap! Staahp!” He giggled, trying with all his might to buck Gojo off, but the teacher was unfortunately too heavy.

“Seems like the medicine is working, nurse,” Gojo said, a hint of a smile on his lips as he continued his attack, “perhaps we should administer it to all locations of depression.”

“I agree, doctor,” Megumi smiled, nodding as he watched Yuuji smile with glee, despite the fact that his happiness was somewhat forced right now.

“I think I can see this being a huge problem area,” Gojo said, digging his fingers into Yuuji’s ribs, making him cackle with laughter, “oh yes, this whole area is pretty bad.”

“P-Pleehehehese,” Yuuji wheezed out, gasping for air as Gojo continued his treatment, “I cahahan’t breeeeathe!”

“Oof,” was all Gojo responded with.

“Gojo!!!”

“Well are you not sad yet?” He asked, halting his fingers for just a moment.

“I’m more pissed off than anything,” Yuuji grumbled, panting and glaring at his teacher.

His teacher only raised an eyebrow before thrusting his hands underneath Yuuji’s shirt, his fingers scribbling against Yuuji’s sensitive skin, making him howl with laughter. “NOOOAHAHA! Y-YOU BASTARD!”

“Nurse, he’s becoming critical!” Gojo grinned. “I need a hand stat!”

Megumi smirked, immediately catching on to what Gojo meant, “yes doctor!”

Yuuji caught the look in his eyes, squirming more vigorously in attempt to get away, “oh no, no you don’t, no you fucking don’t, don’t you da- PFFFAAHAHAHA!!” he erupted with laughter, the sound turning into a wheeze as Megumi, wiggling his fingers around his armpits, stimulating the sensitive nerves there. He had his knees pressed down on Yuuji’s hands, preventing him from moving his arms and keeping him vulnerable.

“T-T-T-This is t-t-torture, ahaha!” Yuuji wheezed, the words barely audible.

“It’s called medicine, actually,” Gojo said, “thought I guess depending on the medicine, it is torture.”

“Y-Y-You’re - ahahaha! - b-both - heh - s-stupid,” Yuuji giggled, his words distorted. Gojo and Megumi both only smiled down at him.

“Sorry, what was that?” Gojo smirked

“Aahahasshole!”

“Are you going to stop being sad?” Megumi asked, digging his fingers into Yuuji’s sensitive nerves, gently moving them to his neck, scribbling underneath his chin. “Are you going to get out of bed, make yourself happy and go to class?”

“Y-You cahahahan’t just autaha-automaahatically make sohohomeone hahappy!” He whimpered, trying with all his might to yeet them off but having no luck. He simply just had to lay there, as their fingers sparked up giggle after giggle. It was so unfair.

But finally, after a while, Megumi and Gojo both slowed to a stop. Yuuji made a breathless giggle, his eyes wet with happy tears as he blinked a few times before glancing at them both, confused, “Y-You… finally stopped?”

“Depends. Did we cure the sadness?” Gojo asked with a smile.

“If I say yes, will you guys sto- AHAHA!! WHA- HEY?!” Yuuji glared at the sudden tickling done by Megumi. He only smirked, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

“Just making sure you know we can keep going with this treatment all night long,” Megumi said.

“Yes,” Gojo nods, “I am the top rated doctor in the nation, I don’t let my patients leave when I know they need more treatment.”

“I hate you both.”

Megumi chuckled and rolled his eyes, “come on, Yuuji. I know it’s rough, but you can’t stay like this.”

Yuuji sighed, finally letting himself lose the sad attitude. He was sad that he got dumped but to be honest, he didn’t really like the girl anyway. It just hurt his ego more than anything. He slowly nodded, “okay, I’m fine.”

“Is that the honest truth?” Megumi asked, moving his fingers slowly in a silent threat.

“Yes!” Yuuji said, “It is, I swear.”

Gojo and Megumi exchanged a look of doubt before finally nodding. “Okay,” Gojo shrugged, “we believe you. Now we can go get you ice cream.”

“Eh? Ice cream?” Yuuji said, instantly perking up from that.

“You know how doctors give their patients lollipops at the end of their treatment? I don’t have any lollipops so… ice cream,” Gojo said, getting up off of the poor young boy, Megumi quickly following him.

“You know if you just gave me ice cream first, I would’ve been easily healed,” Yuuji said, rolling his eyes as he sat up.

“You’ve been eating ice cream all day with that same sulky look in your eyes, ice cream wouldn’t have the same effect as it will now,” Megumi said, smiling softly as Gojo nodded, completely agreeing with him while Yuuji glared.

“Again, I hate you both,” he pouted.

“Yes we know. Now, where do you want your ice cream?”

[moonlit-han]

stray kids’ reactions to you taking medication for depression & anxiety ↠ all members

genre: reaction word count: 2.4k warnings: discussion of depression and anxiety, description of panic/anxiety attack, swearing request: yes

a/n: hi anon! wow, this one turned highly personal really fast. so, this turned into a combination of your original request and how stray kids would react just knowing that you have depression/anxiety. i think how they’d care for and support you is a large part of their reactions to finding out, if that makes sense. i hope this brings you comfort~

✧ masterlist in bio ✧

bang chan

as with most things, chan would be very understanding

he’d just want you to feel and function the best you could

and not have to worry about whether you’re going to be able to make it through a day

he’d noticed when you first started dating that you occasionally withdrew into yourself

and needed time alone

chan didn’t really think anything of it 

bc he also kinda just turns into a hermit and hides to reset and recuperate

but when you’d told him that you take meds for anxiety and depression

his sneaking suspicion that you’d been struggling with something was confirmed

it all made sense!

chan would be immediately and absolutely on board to support you

he wasn’t gonna let those nasty depression demons get the better of his y/n

no! fucking!! way!!! ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

when you could stand it, he’d be really cute and cuddly to try to make you feel better

and he’d also research everything about the meds

on the days that you just needed to be left alone, he’d be worried 

bc he wouldn’t want you to be lonely or to need him and for him to not be there immediately for you

but sometimes even just the presence of another person is exhausting

even if it’s your partner

he’d always come back with flowers or your favorite kind of pie or curry or something else delicious or beautiful

all he wants is for you to feel like you can face the world

bc he’ll always be there by your side (♡‿♡)

lee minho

minho would be matter of fact and accepting about the whole thing

he wouldn’t be fussed

and would just accept that sometimes you’d be less than cheerful

and that it has nothing to do with him or his actions

while he wouldn’t necessarily understand the ins and outs of depression and/or anxiety,

he would still be totally committed to supporting you

he’d be glad that you have meds

because it’s hard for him to see you so down and feeling so blank

he just wants you to be okay

he’ll ask if you’re okay and what he can do

sometimes he just has to ask you a few times

just to be sure

for his own peace of mind

if any family, friends, coworkers, anyone gave you shit about your depression and anxiety

minho would be the kind of person to just:

Σ(☉‿☉✿)Σ(☉‿☉✿)Σ(☉‿☉✿) “hold my flower”and prepare to fight the world for you

alkjfhakjfdhkj

minho would always make sure that you have your meds on time

either going to pick them up from the pharmacy for you

or reminding you to get them yourself

he’d also remind you to take the meds on your especially bad days

when you can’t exactly think or do much else

while he jokes that cats are the best medicine for anything

minho knows and agrees that medication for mental illness and such is important

bc it helps you be able to function

but that doesn’t stop him from trying his best to make you feel energized and focused through other means!

you have a weekly picnic date, even after dating for two years

it’s the sweetest thing ever

and definitely helps (≧◡≦)

seo changbin

it was the first time you slept over at his place

(a really lovely evening with lots of sweet cuddling ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡  )

(((oh no now i’m soft HHHH)))

and you’d left your bag sitting out in the living room

changbin had thought it would be nice if he got your things for you in the morning

and he also wanted to make you breakfast (✿���‿◠)

so he'd gone to pick up your bag and saw the little pill bottle

and was just “oh, okay~”

when he'd come into the bedroom, changbin looked a little nervous?

bc he wasn’t quite sure how to ask you what meds you were taking

he wasn’t really worried or anything

he just wanted to support you with absolutely no judgement because meds aren’t a bad thing~

he was so understanding and immediately, like chan, researched everything he could about helping someone with anxiety and depression

and then made you breakfast bc that’s wonderful anytime at all

on the days you felt like you couldn’t get out of bed

(or simply couldn’t whether you wanted to or not)

changbin would be there

if you could stay in bed the whole day, then he’d stay with you

if you had to get up and actually do things, he’d do his best to help you

he’d make you food, help you shower, even pick out clothes for you so that you wouldn’t have to think

he’d understand that sometimes you need a bit of a prod to do things

changbin would definitely try his best to make those reminders as caring and lighthearted as possible

after all, you don’t exactly have control over when lack of motivation strikes

changbin would understand and know a lot of the feelings you have

and be able to empathize based on his own experiences

really, he would just continue to love you ♡

hwang hyunjin

hyunjin, oh sweet hyunjin

he’d be so understanding

and would feel really sorry for you

but not in a weird, pitying way

just sad that your brain had decided to betray you in such a way

*insert all the empathy here*

he knows all too well the feelings of hopelessness you sometimes feel

he’d be glad that you have meds, actually

and would even remind you when you have therapy (if you do)

he’d probably send you random “when you have anxiety/depression” memes

you’ve busted out laughing at inopportune times more than once from said memes

when you’re in a depressive episode, hyunjin would be like a cat

just curled up with you as much as possible

if you can’t stand to have someone near you

then, he’d still text you cheesy stuff like those ridiculous valentine’s day pickup lines that are, in fact, funny at any time of the year

oh and don’t forget about the utterly sincere, will-make-you-cry texts, love letters, post-it notes, notes written in blueberries on the counter, and even signs he’d write for you

one day, you’d even opened a lunch he’d made you to find a little note rolled up around your fork:

“hi hello yes you, the pretty one reading this! i love youuuuuu~ have a wonderful day, darling

p.s. remember to take your meds <3”

hyunjin’s gentle nature would be just what you needed

to support you

to love you

to care for you, not only emotionally but also physically

he’d be like a sheltering tree for you

grounded and calm with deep roots, but able to bend with whatever wind your depression/anxiety decided to gust through your lives

han jisung

jisung would…

well, jisung would just:

“AAAAAY, ANXIETY BUDDIES!!” (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ;;;;;;

ajkdfhaljkfghaljf

definitely not the response you’d been expecting

but it was perfect nonetheless

you spent an afternoon together just talking about how your anxiety and depression manifested

what helped you to cope

what helped him to cope

which meds you took and if there was anything jisung should be particularly aware of

he’d be really interested in just how your depression and anxiety manifest

bc in order to care for you and help

he wants to know what bit of your brain chemistry has decided to fuck shit up

(sometimes jisung feels like he needs to fuck shit up, too. but really? come oooon y/n’s brain)

he’d leave you notes reminding you to do things when your ability to focus goes completely out the window

you’d wake up to find one of those large sheets of poster paper taped to the ceiling above your bed, saying:

“i love you, even if you have depression/anxiety that makes you forget to do the dishes. again. you’re still my little gremlin <3”

jisung would give you any and all resources he has to help you

he’d probably even write songs for you

there’d probably a mixtape out there somewhere of him screaming at your depression and anxiety

telling them to leave you the fuck alone

bc you’re too wonderful to have to deal with that shit

your weekends together would be spent in the bedroom

under the covers

giggling your asses off

and cuddling

bc it’s dangerous outside the blanket  ( ｀^´ )

lee felix

felix would be so chill about it

you’d tell him and he’d just be like

“okay! so what kinds of toppings did you want me to put on this pizza again?”

you’d just kinda blink at him

you’d been worrying about what he’d say

and if he’d leave you or something

(thanks, irrational brain. love you. NOT! ffs)

as if lee felix would ever leave you,,,,,,

it was a relief not to worry about that

felix would still bundle you up in the biggest hugs ever

and smile his sunshine-filled smile at you

honestly, that alone should be enough to cure depression

but, unfortunately, it’s not

((*shakes fist at depression/anxiety*))

but with felix’s smile and meds, you’re feeling much better, thank you

felix would try to make life brighter for you after finding out

he’d understand that sometimes you want to do things but just can’t

there’s no rhyme nor reason to it

and it wouldn’t matter to him

bc he’d still get to spend time with you, even if it just meant sitting on the couch watching movies

felix would know that sometimes he would just have to make decisions for you

not in a controlling way

but just because your anxiety over making decisions and following through with things would get the better of you

he’d make sure you drink water and eat lots of yummy food

his deep voice is the most calming thing oh my god

and whenever you have an anxiety/panic attack

felix would immediately catch you up in his arms and slow dance with you through the entire episode

even if you’re barely able to stand, he’d hold you up and support you

just so, at an incredibly scary time, you’d have the most loving arms around you

kim seungmin

you were having a panic attack when seungmin came over one time

and you’d just kinda slumped against the wall as soon as he’d come in the door

aaaand you’d had to explain what was going on

but seungmin had just helped you breathe deeply

and eventually you’d calmed down to the point that you felt like

well, like a limp noodle (＠_＠)

you know that feeling when your body is so exhausted from having a panic attack

that you can’t exactly do much else?

yeah. that.

so, he would be glad that you have meds for your depression/anxiety

like jisung, seungmin would want to have A Stern Conversation with your depression/anxiety

bc he’s tired of its shit ψ(｀-´ )ψ

not because he can’t deal with it or you

no

because he hates to see you in so much distress

also,,,,,,

no one should have to feel like there’s no joy left in the world, irrational thinking rules their brain, and like they’re trapped in a cycle of dysfunction, no matter how hard they try

bc sometimes just trying isn’t enough

and seungmin understands that~

sometimes you just need a little outside help

he’d come up with all sorts of things he could do for you to help ease your anxiety

he’d write down all your triggers just so he’d know what avoid

or what to tell other people to avoid alkdfjhakljdfh

bc we all know seungmin is that person (-_-;)・・・

when he found out that you have trouble deciding on food at restaurants

he’d immediately printed out the menus to all the restaurants you loved

just so you could take your time deciding at home

and not feel overwhelmed

aksjfhlskfjdh what a good bean

seungmin is just a sweetie who wants the best for you, really

plus, when you’re feeling better….

the two of you can go on adventures!! (���▽⌒)

yang jeongin

jeongin would be a little baffled that someone’s brain could be that cruel to them

“you mean you sometimes just can’t be happy?”

“yep, or function, really. sometimes moving or getting out of bed or eating just isn’t a thing”

‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

“don’t worry about. i’m on meds for it so it’s not as bad”

(◕︵◕);;;;

“jeongin i promise it’s okay…..”

“HHHHHHHHHH”

you just ended up cuddling him and explaining how depression and anxiety worked

(or rather, how fucking annoying and, even, debilitating they are)

that made him happier bc he understood

he’d try to help you do things that help with the depression

like going for walks

or drinking enough water

definitely regulating your sleep

jeongin: “i know, i know, y/n! it’s hard but you haaaave to wake up”

y/n: “mmph” (￢_￢)

jeongin: *lightly swats you with a pillow* “get! up!!”

y/n: *grumpgrumpgrump*

nights are even harder alkjhsjkslkfjhs

jeongin, on the phone: “no you’re not being a night owl tonight. no! y/n~~~~ come on, i’m tired and wanna go to sleep”

y/n: “but i’m not tired!! i’m just gonna play one more round of this and then go to bed. i promise!”

jeongin, not having any of your shit: “uhuh….”

y/n, *sweats*: “i promiiiiiiiiise”

…………………

3 am

jeongin, via email: “this is an automated reminder to  G O  T O  S L E E P”

y/n: “shit.”

he’d want to be there to listen to you whenever you needed him

even though he doesn’t have much experience with this sort of thing

jeongin would do his best as a kind and properly aware person

like everyone else, he just wants you to be okay

[kingexpl0sionmurder]

Missed Connection - Shinsou Hitoshi

Author: @kingexpl0sionmurder​ Rating: NSFW 18+ Warnings: Unprotected sex, blowjobs, dirty talk, poking fun at fakes who shop at UO and wear band t-shirts for bands they don’t listen to, terrible poetry, Kaminari is a weirdo. Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi/F!Reader Words: 4,554 AN: This is for the bnharem server collab, the theme is pen pals! We were able to write basically anything as long as there was some kind of communication/writing/texting etc! This is the first time I’ve written for Shinsou and I head cannon him as a fucking closet goth so don’t at me. Collab Masterlist (Please go check out everyone else’s contributions!) My Masterlist Buy me a Ko-fi -- When his phone started ringing, Shinsou was tempted to throw it halfway across the room. Whoever thought it was okay to call him at - he turned to squint at the clock on his bedside table - 10 in the morning on his day off, better have a good excuse. He frowned at the screen once he’d found his phone, and sighed.

“The world better be on fire, Kaminari.” His palm rubbed over his face as he pressed the phone to his ear, his eyes closing again.

The blonde chuckled, full of energy as usual. “Aw, come on ‘Toshi! It’s not that early.”

A million ways he could kill his friend and make it look like an accident flashed through his mind. “You know I like to sleep late on my days off.” He left it at that, no further explanation needed. Kaminari knew he stayed up impossibly late on his off days, crawling under the covers only when the sun started to rise.

“You want to hear this, I promise. I wouldn’t call this early unless it was important.” Shinsou listened to the sound of a keyboard clicking through the phone, waiting impatiently for his friend to continue. 

“So, you know how I sometimes like to fuck around on the internet?” This was a rhetorical question. Of course he did. “Well, occasionally I like to browse through Craigslist, and this morning I was in the missed connections section, and I found something interesting.”

“Why do you look through missed connections?” He didn’t really care, he just thought it was kind of...weird. But, then again, this was Denki, so he shouldn’t have been surprised.

Kaminari huffed. “Dude, sometimes it’s so sad to read how they saw someone and thought there was a connection. It makes me wonder if they ever find each other.” He was quiet for a moment like he was deep in thought. “But then sometimes, it’s like ‘You farted in the produce section and I’d still date you, let’s go out’ and it kind of loses the romantic appeal.”

“You’re a sap. Also, gross.” He found himself drifting off, bored with the conversation already. “Do you have a point?”

“God, you’re impatient! Listen, I was scrolling through the ads and I found this one, I think you should hear it.” Clearing his throat, he began to read. 

“You were the sleepy purple-haired man in the cat cafe on Main, I was hiding behind an orange tabby by the window. I was staring, but I wasn’t trying to be creepy. You just looked kind of lost, and the black and white short hair on your lap seemed to have all your attention. Oh, I think his name is Socks. Isn’t that unoriginal? Anyway, I’ve seen you there a few times and I want to know more about you. If you see this, please respond.”

Shinsou sat up in his bed, ignoring the sharp pain of his muscles protesting at the sudden movement. “What the fuck?”

“This is about you, isn’t it?” Denki’s excitement was clear. “You’re the only sleepy guy with purple hair I know who frequents that cat cafe on Main Street.”

“How long ago was that posted?” Hitoshi felt strange, restless energy flowing through him. Someone had noticed him and decided that he was interesting enough to want to get to know? He wasn’t anything special, and he kept to himself mostly. What did this even mean?

“Last night! When did you go to the cafe?” He didn’t even wait for a response. “I’m forwarding this post to you, and you better send them an email! It’s been too long since you’ve dated someone, ‘Toshi, and I’m concerned.”

Unfortunately feeling more awake than he wanted to be, Shinsou shifted until his feet were on the floor. “Yesterday afternoon. And it hasn’t been that long.”

“It’s been like a year, dude.” Kaminari sighed. “Okay, I sent it. Please write back to them. Let me live vicariously through you in this weird turn of events.”

Shinsou sighed and said goodbye, ending the call and staring off into space for a minute. He needed coffee before he could even think about reading it for himself and then maybe responding.

--

Uh, hello.

 I can’t help but feel like this was about me? I’m not even really sure what to say. This feels weird. You could have come over and said hi, maybe. I don’t bite. I might have stared at you and made things awkward but I feel like it would have been a surefire way to talk to me instead of posting this on craigslist of all places and expecting me to see it. 

You’re lucky I have a friend who likes to scour the dark recesses of the internet for entertainment purposes and happened upon this post.

-Shinsou

--

How do I know this is really the person I’m talking about? What were you wearing when you went to the cafe? That’s like the only way I can be sure you are who you say you are. 

The only reason I didn’t come over and talk to you was that I had Oliver on my lap and he is a grump and didn’t want me to get up until he was good and ready. (That’s the orange tabby’s name, by the way.) By the time I was able to coax his fat ass off of me you had gone. 

Honestly, I’d let those cats climb all over me like their own personal cat tree all day long and not complain about it, but I digress. 

I didn’t expect you to find this or reply, it was kind of my way of convincing myself that I’d given it a shot, even though I really hadn’t done much.

-Y/N

--

I was wearing the following:

A Joy Division t-shirt depicting the cover of Unknown Pleasures, which is arguably the most cliche t-shirt I own. It’s become one of those shirts that people wear who have no idea who Joy Division is, they just like it for the aesthetic. (I’ll have you know I happen to know who they are and like their music very much.) This shirt was more than likely covered in cat hair.

Black jeans, which were probably covered in cat hair as well.

Black boots, a staple of mine.

I am a closet goth. I don’t know what else to say. I won’t deny it. I’ve learned to embrace who I am. I happen to know that Oliver is a grumpy shit, so I am not surprised he kept you pinned down for so long. That cat has been known to knock people over and purr loudly while “making biscuits” on their chests for hours at a time. I’m glad to know that you survived his assault.

So what are you going to tell me about yourself now? I have confessed to you about my goth status, so I demand something in return.

-Shinsou

--

Yeah, it was you.

I was hoping that you actually liked Joy Division and you weren’t one of those Urban Outfitters aesthetic people. I can now rest easy. I like them too, but I really like New Order more? I hope this isn’t the end of our budding friendship.

I will not say that I am a goth, though I have goth-like tendencies? Or I just appreciate the music. Whatever. I don’t have, like, a pet bat or anything. I own a pair of Doc’s, though.

I have been on the receiving end of one of Oliver’s attacks before, so you don’t have to tell me about them. I have experienced his pushy demeanor on more than one occasion.

So, something about me? I don’t know. I spend a lot of time in that cafe because I love cats, but that’s kind of a given, isn’t it? I usually bring my laptop and make an attempt to work on my homework, but it’s usually futile. I’d rather pet the cats. 

Oh, I guess that counts as something right? I go to college. I’m an English major and taking a fuck ton of creative writing courses. What about you?

-Y/N

--

An English major? That sounds like fun. I think if I had a need to go to college I’d have liked to take something like that. I have a friend who writes ultra depressing Gothic poetry, that would be right up his ally as well.

I’m a pro hero, hence why I didn’t need college. Saving people is something I’ve always wanted to do, especially since I was always bullied about my quirk as a kid. It kind of made me more determined, I always wanted to prove those assholes wrong, you know? So, here I am.

I’m glad to know we can wear matching Doc’s together, and that you don’t keep a bat as a pet. As cute as their faces are, they’re not very easily domesticated. 

New Order is fine. The real question is, The Smiths or The Cure? Your answer to this question will be what determines the longevity of our friendship.

-Shinsou

--

This is the worst question you could ever ask me. How could you do this? I could never choose between them. Both? The answer is both.

I hope your next email will not be your last.

Bats are cute but they always seem to dive bomb my head when they’re around. Not that I go places with bats often, but I used to go camping as a kid and they always did that. It was not a good time.

I think it’s amazing that you’re a pro hero! You’re really out here, fighting the bad guys and saving people and then coming into the cat cafe and petting kittens and drinking coffee like a normal person. I think it’s admirable how hard you worked to achieve your dream. I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m proud of you. Why were you bullied for your quirk? You don’t have to answer that if it makes you uncomfortable.

I wish I could write ultra depressy Gothic poetry. Here let me try:

The night is black like my soul Clove cigarettes burn slowly My life is Meaningless

How was that? Do I get a gold star? Or a black skull? Which is appropriate?

-Y/N

--

I’m printing that and sending it to Tokoyami. Thank you for making my entire existence with that poem. I’m breaking out the red wax candles and putting on “How Soon Is Now?” right now.

You get a star, but it’s a pentagram. We have to keep with the theme.

My quirk has to do with mind control, so I was always told I was meant to be a villain. You can imagine what that could do to a kid’s psyche, being told by peers and adults alike that you weren’t hero material, when that’s all you wanted. It’s okay though, I did what I wanted and they can eat my ass.

Sorry if that was too raunchy, but it’s how I feel.

If my earlier comment wasn’t proof enough, I prefer The Smiths, but I cannot deny the impact of Disintegration. Lullaby is a really great song.

That being said, this will not be my last email, so you can breathe easy. 

On a semi serious note, I really enjoy talking with you. We have a similar sense of humor, and you like cats which makes you automatically better than most people. Would you like to get coffee sometime? I know a nice place that’s quiet and filled with fluffy kittens...

-Shinsou

—

I’m glad I haven’t lost your friendship due to my opinion. I know how important that feud can be to some people. People get very passionate about it. Kind of like with Blur versus Oasis, or Brand New versus Taking Back Sunday. I hate that these are the only examples I can think of. 

It wasn’t too raunchy. Those people can most definitely eat your ass. I’m glad you have decided to use your powers for good. You’ll have to explain to me how your quirk works sometime. 

I shall treasure my shiny pentagram sticker with my entire heart.

Isn’t Tokoyami the Jet Black Hero: Tsukuyomi? He looks like the type to write Gothic poetry. I am not even mildly surprised. 

Even though the way we met was unconventional, I’d like to think I’d have gotten up the courage to speak to you the next time I saw you in the cafe. Somehow this is better, though. It makes for an interesting story, you know?

I’d love to get coffee. I think I know the place you’re talking about. Let me know when.

-Y/N

—

Shinsou was nervous. It was stupid really. He’d been exchanging emails back and forth with you for a few days, and even though you’d barely revealed much about each other, the easy banter through your messages was comforting. He felt like the two of you would be compatible. He just hoped that he was able to keep the conversation going in real life. 

When he entered the cafe, he ordered his usual and picked his normal table towards the back. Socks, his favorite black and white companion, was at his side almost immediately. He let his hand drift down to scratch behind her ears, his gaze fixed on the door as he waited for you to arrive. 

Out of habit he was a little early, but he figured it would be easier this way. He had no idea what you looked like, but you knew him, so he knew you’d come over when you got there, and it would make things less awkward. 

A few minutes later he saw the door open, and he immediately knew it was you. Black Doc’s and thigh high stockings, a black skirt and an oversized deep red sweater adorned your body, a leather jacket over your shoulders and your hair tucked under a black beanie, cheeks pink from the chill of the autumn weather outside. You were pretty, and he felt his nerves increase tenfold when your eyes met his, a smile gracing your face. 

He watched as you ordered a drink at the counter, the paper cup clutched in your hands as you made your way to his table. He stood up when you approached, letting himself appreciate you up close. “Y/N?”

“Hi, Shinsou.” You were so much shorter than he was, and he found himself having to gaze down at you when he was standing at his full height. 

“It’s nice to put a face to all those emails.” The way you blushed under his attention made his heart flip. “Please, sit.”

You nodded, sliding into the seat across from him. He sat back down, his hands moving to grip his coffee cup. 

“This is kind of weird, isn’t it?” You looked down when Oliver made his way over, rubbing himself against your boot. “I almost feel like I don’t know what to say.”

“I know what you mean. We could just sit here and email each other, if that would make you feel better.” Your laugh was like music to his ears. “I’d rather hear your voice though.”

Your face was red when you looked back up at him. “I have to agree.” You leaned your elbow on the table, your cheek cradled in your palm. “Tell me more about yourself, Shinsou.”

“It’s Hitoshi. You can call me Hitoshi.”

—

If anyone would have told him that the night would end this way, he’d have said they were insane, and should probably get themselves checked into the nearest institution. 

But here he was, his face pressed into the spot where your neck and shoulder met, lips ghosting over soft skin, his calloused palms sliding underneath your sweater. You were purring, your head thrown back and your fists clenched in his t-shirt, your back pressed against the wall in the hallway that led to his bedroom. 

“Fuck, ‘Toshi.” You mumbled, pressing yourself closer to him. “Bed?”

You didn’t have to ask twice, his hands sliding down to lift you up by the backs of your thighs, his cock hard and straining in his jeans as you rutted against him. He turned himself and began walking toward his room blindly, his eyes still shut as he sucked a mark into your neck. 

He pulled back so he could peer over your shoulder and maneuver your bodies through the doorway without bumping into anything, laying you back on the bed. 

The events of the night were a blur, your coffee date turned into him taking you out for ramen at the restaurant down the street, and then he asked you back to his apartment to show you his record collection. 

It was mostly a ruse though. You’d been flirting back and forth, the both of you getting bolder as the night went on. He was only half surprised when you’d entered his apartment, barely removing shoes and coats and hats before you spun around on him, pressing him against the door and kissing him like your life depended on it.

He rested on his forearms, poised above you, looking over your flushed face and kiss bruised lips. Your legs wrapped around his waist and pulled his hips closer, making him groan. “Impatient?”

Your hands moved to cup his face, pulling him down toward you. “Very.” 

He wasn’t expecting your strength, caught off guard when your lips crashed into his, your body pushing him over until he was on his back and you were straddling him, knees on either side of his hips. You ground down against him, moaning when his hips snapped up reflexively. He was happy to give you control for a while, especially when you sat up and grabbed the bottom of your sweater and pulled it over your head. The view was spectacular.

He let his hands wander, tracing along the lines of your thigh highs from under your skirt, and up to the lace at your hips. Your chest heaved as you tried to catch your breath, the devilish glint in your eye was not lost on his as you shifted down his body, fingers swiftly working to unclasp his belt and undo the button on his jeans. 

You slid off of him, and he lifted his hips to aid you in pulling his pants down his legs, his boxers following. His cock was achingly hard, the tip angry and red as it sprung free from it’s confines, nearly slapping his stomach. You eyed it greedily, and he was lost for words when you surged forward, delicate fingers wrapping around his length and stroking him, your tongue peeking out to taste him.

Amethyst eyes rolled back when you took the tip in your mouth, tongue swirling around the head, a low moan sounding from the back of your throat. The warmth and wetness that surrounded his cock when you closed your eyes and bobbed forward had him breathless, his hand threading through your hair, and his palm resting on the back of your head. He kept himself steady, fighting back the urge to buck his hips and push you down further on his length. 

Shinsou bit down on his lower lip, his stomach muscles tensing as he tried to keep it together. Kaminari had been right, it had been a while since he’d been with someone, and he wanted this night to last as long as possible. The sweet and innocent look in your eyes as you looked up at him through your lashes, your mouth enveloping him all the way to base, was nearly too much for him to handle, his hand tugging at your hair gently to pull you off of him. “I’m not going to last if you keep that up, kitten.”

You visibly shivered at the pet name and he grinned, loving the feeling of being able to invoke that reaction from you. He scooted forward when you sat back on your knees between his spread legs, his arms circling your torso as he worked at the clasp on your bra, pulling the straps down your arms when he unclipped it. Strong hands gripped your waist and moved you to the side as he stood up, reaching under your skirt to tug your panties down your legs.

He took a moment to consider what he’d do next. He wanted to taste you, it was only right for him to return the favor, and he was almost certain you would taste as sweet as you looked. Another part of him wanted to hike up your legs around his waist and slam inside of you, desperate to hear you moan his name as he pounded you into the mattress. As he contemplated what to do, reached back and pulled his shirt over his head, and then let his hands wander up to the apex of your thighs, digits sliding through your folds. You gasped, falling back onto your elbows, back arching as he toyed with your clit, letting his long fingers slip inside your heat. “So wet. Just for me?” Eyebrows raised, he teased you.

“Fuck, Hitoshi, please.” Breathless and panting, you gazed up at him, biting your lip.

“Please what? Tell me what you want.” You would make the decision for him. “Would you like my mouth or my cock? I’ll let you choose.”

Huffing, your hips rutted against his hand impatiently. He kneeled on the bed between your legs, adjusting his arm and adding a second finger in with the first, his thumb finding your bundle of nerves again. He listened to your breath hitch, and your quiet mewls, pride filling his chest that he was the one coaxing those noises out of you. Finally, you breathed deep and answered him. “Fuck me, Hitoshi.”

Ignoring the protesting whine that left your lips when he removed his fingers, he brought them up to his mouth, maintaining eye contact with you as he sucked on them, tasting you. “You’re delicious, kitten. I’ll have to make sure to taste you properly later.” 

Wasting no time, he lifted your legs up to rest your legs over his shoulders, one hand on his cock. He lined himself up with your entrance, grabbing at your hips and pushing himself inside you. If he thought your mouth was hot and wet and basically everything he thought was heaven, he was mistaken. This was it. This was everything. He wasn’t even inside you all the way and he was fighting back the need to cum again, cursing himself and breathing deeply. He leaned forward, forearms on either side of your head as his mouth crashed against yours, all lips and tongues and teeth, his need for you growing tenfold as you wiggled your hips in an attempt to feel more of him.

Groaning, he bucked forward, filling you up, the both of you sighing in relief at the feeling. He gave you a moment to adjust, lips moving down your jaw and tongue laving at the mark he’d left on your neck earlier. “You feel so good, kitten.”

“Toshi, you can move…” Your hands were gripping his biceps, nails leaving crescent shapes in his pale skin, breathing ragged as you clenched around him.

Hissing, he followed your instructions, hips pulling back until he was almost completely out, before sliding back in. Your arousal made the glide easy, your back arching underneath him. He started a steady rhythm, grunting quietly and letting the feeling of you pulsing around him keep him grounded. He let one of his hands wander, shifting his weight so he could ghost his palm over your side, fingers pinching your nipple and rolling the hardened bud between them. You keened, chanting his name like a prayer, the sound of blood pounding in his ears almost masking the sound.

It spurred him to move faster, his chest tight, sweat pooling at his temples and between his shoulder blades, purple locks sticking to his forehead. His gaze was locked on you, and it stole his breath. Your chest and neck were flushed, the most beautiful sounds spilling from your lips as he fucked into you. It became clear to him that he wasn’t going to last much longer, and neither were you.

“Hey, kitten. You gonna cum for me?” He shifted back to his knees and trailed the fingers on his left hand down your stomach, coming to rest between your parted legs. “I want to hear how pretty you sound when you come apart.” He kept a firm grip on your hip to keep you from sliding away, rolling his hips and rubbing tight circles on your clit. 

“Fuck, Hitoshi!” The effect was almost immediate, your body and lungs seizing, eyes rolling back as you fell over the edge, your cunt clenching around him like a vice. 

Falling back over you, his thrusts became sloppy as he chased his own release, barely able to move with how tight your pussy was gripping him, your orgasm still rolling through you. He felt your hands on his face, guiding him to kiss you again, fingers carding through his hair and down his back, your nails raking red trails down his back. He felt like he could barely breathe, lost in you. “Y/N…”

He felt his muscles tense, and moved to bury his face in your neck, his hips stilling as he came hard, filling you up with his release. You squeezed around him again, and he sighed into your skin, eyes closed as he tried to regulate his breathing.

Rolling over to the side, he hissed when he pulled out. You chuckled, and he turned to look at you, a lazy smile on his face. “What?”

“Is that what you call showing me your record collection?” 

Snorting, he propped his head up on his palm, leaning on his elbow, his free hand reaching out to push a piece of hair away from your face. “You attacked me, remember?”

“I couldn’t help it!” Protesting, you blushed. “I wanted to kiss you from the moment I walked into the cafe.”

It was his turn to blush. “Yeah?”

Shrugging, you turned on your side to face him. “Mm. Can you do me a favor?”

His body was still buzzing, muscles loose and pliant as he shuffled closer to you. “Anything.”

“Can you thank your friend for being a weird internet troll and finding my post?” 

Shinsou coughed a laugh, leaning forward to rest his forehead against yours. “Please, I can’t do that. It’s all he’d ever talk about for the rest of our lives if I did.” 

You leaned up and kissed him, your fingers pushing back his hair. 

He hummed against your lips, feeling content, shifting himself on the bed and wrapping his arms around your waist, tugging you into him. “Maybe I’ll send him a text later. For now, I have other plans.”

--

Kaminari’s phone buzzed on the coffee table, and he picked it up, eyes widening at the message that appeared on the screen.

Toshi: I owe you a crate full of Pokemon cards and my eternal gratitude for being a weirdo meme king who trolls the internet.

Denki: Oh, you’re in a good mood. Did you get laid?

Toshi: Fuck all the way off. 

Denki: That’s a yes. You’re welcome.

[wn1ven]

🌷͙֒ ꒱ — 𝗼𝖼𝗲𝗮𝗇

⌗𝗉𝗮𝗋𝗄 𝗃𝗲𝗼𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗲𝗼𝗇𝗀 𝗑 𝖺𝗳𝖺𝖻!𝗋𝗲𝗮𝖽𝗲𝗋

𝗀𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲 :: 𝗮𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍, 𝗁𝗶𝗀𝗁 𝗌𝖼𝗁𝗼𝗼𝗅 𝖺𝘂

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗂𝗇𝗀𝘀 :: 𝗐𝗁𝗈𝗅𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖽𝗁𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗆𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋𝗌 (𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝖾𝗑𝗍𝗌 𝗁𝗂𝗆 𝖽𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝗈!!) 𝗆𝖾𝖺𝗇 𝗃𝖺𝗒, 𝖻𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗋𝗈𝗌𝖾́ 𝗈𝖿 𝖻𝗅𝖺𝖼𝗄𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗄, 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝖽𝖾𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗋𝗈𝗌𝗂𝖾 :(

𝗮𝗇 :: 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗉𝗂𝗋𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗃𝖺𝗉𝖺𝗇𝖾𝗌𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗏𝗂𝖾 𝗄𝗈𝖾 𝗇𝗈 𝗄𝖺𝗍𝖺𝖼𝗁𝗂 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒

𝗇𝗼𝗐 𝗉𝗅𝗮𝗒𝗶𝗇𝗀 :: 𝗆𝗲𝗌𝗌𝗮𝗀𝗲 𝗶𝗇 𝗮 𝖻𝗼𝗍𝗍𝗅𝗲 𝖻𝗒 𝗍𝗮𝗒𝗅𝗼𝗋 𝗌𝗐𝗶𝖿𝗍

##. 📺🖇️📃

[i still remember the day you confessed to me, the day you played the song sung by your own voice, based off the childhood memories of us playing at the beach, feet slightly burning from the friction against the hot sand but the splashes of the water you sent my way every 5 seconds cured it all. oh how i wish it was as simple as that right now too. i laughed away the panging pain hitting right on my heart, grabbing your phone from your hands and throwing it down the hard concrete of the road, throwing whatever nasty remarks i could think of at that moment. and even though it wasnt visible, there was a feeling of guilt inside me that i continued to ignore

you changed after that, fuck you didn't change, i did. we used to be call the picture perfect duo by everyone at belift high? what happened now? well im the fault of what happened to be honest. i did everything i could think of to make your life ridiculous. pulling your hair, falsely accusing you of wrongs, but you never did anything that was against me? why didnt you y/n? why didnt you hurt me back because maybe if you got some of your anger caused by the growing devil on my shoulder then maybe i would have stopped, would have. the only thing you ever payed attention at school was your so called platonic girlfriend park chaeyoung and your studies, your grades significantly went up while mine went down, the opposite of how we once were yet again. fuck yeah i missed tutoring you, but what was i supposed to do? i had already thrown you out of my life, only entering yours when i needed to make it a living hell but you never did the same, because you were an angel, everyone knew that

but everything comes to a line of limit, that i had not so surprisingly crossed, ripping your project when you weren't looking, accusing you of the 'fuck you jay' written on the board when it was me who did that, and then spilling orange juice all into your backpack. all of that shitplay in one day, you were bound to break out of your facade. and you did, you reallly did, but i deserved it, i really did. the words you said that day always make me feel so pathetic. how could have you handled all that bullying from your once childhood friend when i couldnt even handle a few fucking harsh words? but the one that hurt the most was 'i hate you, i wish i knew how much of an attention seeking asshole you are sooner.'

it was all a blur after that, you had stopped coming to school everyday, and your 'wife's' persona changed as well. the once bubbly, nice, joyful and ball of happiness had turned into a quiet sobbing mess, it got so bad to the point she was even sent to the school therapist, but even that didnt help her. nobody knew what was up for the three weeks you disappeared then when you back on monday of the 4th week, everyone knew what was the reason of chaeyoung falling into the traps of depression. i was already trying to come up with how to irritate you more on your first day of school after a whole month, even though i had the urge to hug you and tell you how much i missed you. until the teacher said this,

'good morning students, so before we get into our syllabus for today, there is one unfortunate announcement i want to make. after y/n's parents looked into the amount of bullying and assault y/n has been receiving, they have conversed with their daughter and have mutually agreed on the decision that l/n y/n will no longer attend belift high and will go out of seattle with her cousin to study abroad. today is precisely her last day at this school. i kindly request you all to treat her nicely and give her pays of respect, perhaps also try to protect her incase there's more violent actions towards her today as well. me and your teachers want the best for y/n on her last day, and we hope you all do too. everyone is free to talk to her right now before the bell rings but i request you to go back to your seat if she is clearly uncomfortable, thank you. you can go sit now sweetheart'

the teacher pointed to your seat in the first row, and thats when realisation hit me, we promised to graduate together when we first entered high school and now none of it was happening,

and it was all my fucking fault. i love you y/n, i wish i had said this the first time you confessed, because look at where we are now..i miss you so much -park jeongseong]

jay sighed, rolling up the long letter he had wrote, wiping the hot tears off his face and his jawline, he pushed it inside the glass bottle. he walked towards the ocean, the same one your confession song was about. he looked at the bottle one last time, fresh liquid once again forming in his eyes, the fading away red puffs under them starting to brighten their colour again. he kissed it one time with tears all over his face. bending down and setting it free in the water, hoping one day it would reach to you. yeah, this may be jay's graduation night, but he was spending it alone instead of partying like normal people would, instead he cried out all his sorrows on the sea shore that was now empty, your memories being the only source to fill it up,

but little did he know your condition was the same as you looked through pictures of the beach half of your childhood was spent with your now half hate half love person. all of belift high's 12th year students were graduating today according to chaeyoung, you wanted to unblock his number and send him a congratulations text so bad, and that's what you did. jay's phone buzzed on the other side of the Earth, he going inside his pocket to see who it was and his heart felt like it was clenching itself to the point there would be no oxygen left to keep it beating.

[y/n : chaeyoung told me everyone graduated today, congratulations jay. hope you're doing well ♡︎]

[kirindensetsu]

The Making of Fubuki

((Reposting from Den of Angels workshop thread because I wanted my friends to be able to see~))

After years of pining after dolls I couldn't afford as a broke teenager, my first BJD was a Bobobie Sprite I purchased for my 18th birthday. Unfortunately, she didn't live up to my expectations and I never really bonded with her. Her face was cute enough, but the Bobobie body lacked the grace and posing ability I imagined for the Unseelie faerie I'd been daydreaming of for years. Sueding and wiring didn't help, blushing and tattooing highlighted her blockiness, it was a mess. I packed her away and tried not to think about my disappointment for 12 years. In the meantime I learned to build and paint resin garage kits, inherited one of my sister's dolls, bought some others, took anatomy & physiology in college, and did a couple extensive restorations and full-body modifications. I was sure I had thrown her away at some point as a failed project, but last weekend I found her tucked away in a doll bag I thought was empty. Having just finished substantial mods on a Dollshe body, and awaiting an unfinished Unoa kit for my birthday in September, I decided that I owed it to her to try again. Doll nudity below the cut, looooong post--

My Sprite was originally going to be a pooka with golden eyes and extensive woad tattoos. The golden eyes are incredible, so those are staying, but she's now going to be a blue oni to fit in with the rest of my collection. My plan is to do extensive additive epoxy work, and then to use Krylon Fusion to give everything a unified finish. The goal of the project is to reduce the... idk, STRAIGHTNESS of the old Bobobie body. I was never going to be happy with it, the lines were all far too rigid.

Head: Modified mouth for a wider, smirking smile. Magnets added to headcap (old Bobobie used an S-hook iirc; I did this part back in 2008). Forehead drilled for 3mm brass rod armature, and epoxy used to sculpt horns over rod. Bust: Substantial subtractive modifications to breasts, which involved removal and readdition of nipples. Addition of epoxy clay to back and shoulders to give a more curved body line in profile. Deepening of shoulder sockets with 18mm eye bevel, followed by sanding to make shoulders narrower. Waist: Reshaping of upper torso joint into sphere for smoother range of motion. Subtraction of resin in back and addition of epoxy in front to enhance lumbar curve. Hips: Substantial reshaping of lower waist seam to more naturally follow the pelvic girdle. It reminded me of granny panties before  Added epoxy to butt, again for lumbar curve. Thighs: Suwariko joint mod (cut the thigh and added a PVC insert to enable swivelling at the hip). Added epoxy to make her thighs look less straight. Calves: Removed 1cm of length at the ankles and rebevelled the socket. Removed resin at the ankles to bring them in, and added epoxy at the calves to make them curvier. Feet: Sculpted little claws, which were cute, and then decided the feet needed to be 5mm longer. Cut across, drilled and pinned with brass rod for structural strength, gap filled with epoxy clay. I also modded her feet to have defined arches and balls back when I first got her. Alas, spitting into the ocean. I added S-hooks, but did so by drilling the ankle and inserting brass rod to form the axle for the hook. Arms: The proportions on her upper arms BOTHERED me! they were so SHORT! and I only just figured out that's what I hated about them last week! I added 5mm to the upper arms by cutting them in the middle and using SteelStik to make a structural repair (plumber's epoxy putty has a shorter open time but far greater structural strength than artist's epoxy clay). Sanded the heck out of the wrists to give them a more delicate taper. Hands: Beyond salvage. The hands were my least-favorite part of this sculpt. I tried to bulk them up to look less spidery but it was just too difficult... I've ordered a different pair of MSD hands which will have claws added, and then when everything is painted it'll all match. Thanks for reading this far! Here's a preview of what her golden eyes look like next to Krylon Fusion in Antique Blue.

((first progress post)) I think I'm mostly done adding epoxy clay (at least where it'll show; presumably the wrist sockets will require tweaks to fit the new hands), so now it's time for finish sanding. I start with 60 grit for shaping, then switch to a 120 grit sanding sponge. To check for scratches, pinholes, and inadequately feathered edges, I apply a wash of diluted acrylic paint. Once the paint has dried, I scrub the piece with a nylon scouring pad. Paint remains in the surface irregularities.

All sanded with 220 grit. I don't think I'll be going higher than 400 because I want there to be some tooth for the paint.

Any pitting in the epoxy clay that can't be sanded out is marked with a Sharpie and will be patched with Tamiya spot putty.

I did a test spray of the Krylon Fusion on the headcap and it's fantastic! Holy cow is it *poisonous* tho, I'm used to working with volatile chemicals but this was something else. Get OUT OF THE AREA between coats and leave it outside until it stops outgassing, not just until it's ready to handle.

This test piece is four light coats sprayed 1 minute apart, allowed to cure for 4 hours, and then wetsanded to remove the spray texture. It's pretty sturdy but I will wait several more days to see how it continues to cure before experimenting with matte sealants. ((progress update 2))

Haven't done much but sand-and-fill-and-sand-and-fill, but my 14mm beveller came in today so I can start deepening her elbow and ankle sockets. Added some epoxy clay to the insides of the eyewells so 14mm eyes will fit with no gap. I need a needle file to clean up the corners of her mouth... Monster feets! Nails on the right came out better than the left, still need to feather-sand everything.

Elbows progress. The early Bobobie elbows are I guess /technically/ double-jointed because the joint is a sphere with two slots, but I thought I could do better than that. You can see epoxy clay spliced in to make the sphere into a peanut: this isn't a structurally sound repair unless you pop it apart and drill/pin/glue-epoxy it back together.

View from the back. By keeping the joint heads spherical with no elbow-shaped detailing, there's some rotation as well as flexion, which I like.

Touching her face with one of her old hands. I hope the new ones come soon!

((progress update 4))

In good news, these parts are all ready for paint! It's really hard to do prepwork with no filler primer, hope I didn't miss any spots...

In less good news, her new hands arrived and they are... very smol ;u; I forgot that the new trend for slim minis means that everyone has TINY LITTLE HANDS.

They are, however, beautifully sculpted and a good 3D reference for what needs fixing and how. Bobobie palm is very short relative to fingers: I made a transverse cut behind the knuckles and added epoxy to lengthen More curved volume across the back of the hand: Not necessarily realistic, but looks a little cuter, plus it makes the transition into the cylinder of the wrist look less stylistically jarring. More defined joint angles: Some of these I did via cut-and-thermoform repositioning, mostly I'm aiming to fake it by building up and carving away at the weird smooth curves. The fingers are just TOO SKINNY: But obviously I'm not going to squish rice-grain-sized blobs of epoxy to the fingers, right? It's too fiddly, it doesn't want to stick. What's the solution? Brace for a truly hideous WIP image--

"AAAAAAGH WHAT IS THAT DARK GRAY MESS" it's JB Weld epoxy! It's like load-bearing, slow-curing modeller's putty! Slathering putty onto an armature and then carving it away to refine the shape is how anime figure artists make hands and detailed hair.  I was thinking about it from a polymer clay technique/perspective so I missed the obvious solution. Hand in the foreground has more layers than the hand in the background, every layer gets the shape a lil closer. ((progress post 5)) Parts set up on sticks so I can handle them without touching...

... and after 4 light coats!

Closeup of the head, lil' glossy because it's still drying. For the deeper areas like the joint slots, mouth, and the crannies of the ears, I'm going to have to decant some of the paint into a jar and apply it with a sacrificial brush.

((progress post 6)) I return from Depression! I finally finished sanding-and-spraying the Krylon Fusion coats, gave her a last polish with microfine to even out the texture, and have started blushing her. I'm using a mixture of Tamiya X-series acrylics applied via airbrush for basic contouring, then I'll go back in with pastel to add warm tones and details.

Fun discovery: in an attempt to cover some accidental overspray, I tried spraying the Fusion directly into the paint cup of the airbrush and using it to "erase" back to the base color. I'm NEVER using this product straight from the can again, it goes on so smooth and gorgeous from the airbrush! No orange peel or bubbles to sand away. I'm seriously tempted to get a can of pink and try blushing with it.

((progress post 7)) Doing a faceup over a spray-painted substrate is HARD I want to CRY. I talked about sanding out the spray texture to get an untextured surface, right? Welp, didn't/couldn't sand well enough in the corners of the mouth and the folds of the eyelids, so it's crusty-looking with pastels over it and now there's nothing I can do about it that doesn't involve stripping down to resin and starting again.

((final post)) Sueded and strung!

I didn't take pictures of the sueding process because I was using Barge Cement and it is messy and time-sensitive. I used masking tape to make templates of her joints, transferred to some thin gray lamb suede I found on eBay, and glued it fuzzy side out. The suede was thicker than real pliver, more like the thickness of silicone KIPS discs, but I think it worked out without too many fit issues. The trim store had 3.5mm elastic in a beautiful slate-blue color that I thought would look nicer in the joint slots, so she's strung throughout with thicker elastic. Some more poses to show off the functional mods~ Suwariko joints let her sit crosslegged, and more mobile wrists let her put her hands into the pose.

A more ball-and-socked shaped contact surface at her waist lets her slouch at a full range of angles instead of being locked into two.

With longer upper arms, she can reach the ground in this pose! You can also see how the modded waist joint lets her cock her hips.

She could always stand with locked knees. I think she needs some wire in her legs to let the suwariko joints hold their rotation against gravity, but I'll see how the elastic tension settles in first.

A parting shot out the snowy window. We've been having a hard time picking between a few names for her, but I think this settles it. Welcome back, Fubuki~

[fishwishkiss]

Enno Cheng "2021 完人線上Tour 演唱會Live" review: A hug with your best friend, 73 minutes and 32 seconds long

光, I'm as scared as you are, but we can find the answer together [...] Walk with care. In a little while, you'll see the light. Language barrier is one of the oldest struggles of our world, as I believe communication is what makes us human, and despite all of our attempts to break it (Esperanto, Blissymbols), it seems like we'll be stuck with these 1000+ hours of practice forever. Even before now, at an early age, I was drawn into languages. English was the subject I excelled in at school and it was only a matter of time until I became fluent. Then, around 11 years old, I watched a YouTube video about Korean and fell in love, though it took me 9 years to finally get to learning it. Around 16 years old came Russian, that I unfortunately gave up on very quickly. Chinese and Arabic came right after, these ones I haven't tried to learn yet. Languages have always been a very important part of my life, especially when it comes to music. I've always listened to more music in a foreign language than in French, or sometimes even English. I've always been confronted to language barrier and even if I'm very thankful for translations, I sometimes felt deeply sad for not being able to understand the lyrics like a native person. But I feel that with time, I started to see language barrier as a form of art itself. Unable to understand the words, I feel like I can go beyond them, and actually understand more than the natives. In Cowboy Bebop, there is an episode where Spike helps a young man who stole a very rare flower that could cure his sister who turned blind when she was still a child. Unfortunately, the young man dies, and Spike decides to pay a visit to his sister at the hospital, where she will receive a treatment very soon. The sister, though blind, understands that her brother has died, and asks Spike what he looked like, to which he answers "Why would you ask that? You're the only one who saw him as he truly was". This is sometimes what it feels like not to be able to understand a language. See, I don't speak Mandarin, but these lyrics resonate with me. In this album, Enno Cheng was able to build a space wherein the language barrier disappears. Of course, words, lyrics, are melodies, and these resonate with me as well. Enno Cheng's voice is one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard, probably right behind Faye Wong's one. With and through her voice, she allowed me to close my eyes, open my ears, and let myself go, following the sweet path drawn by each of her words. Naturally, I read some translations of her track titles and lyrics, and I have to say that her writing is such that even her translations are a beautiful gift to my heart, but what truly touched and moved me was something else, something beyond words, melodies, translations. I tried to, but I cannot put any words on what I felt. In the song I quoted in my introduction, 光, at precisely 3:04, come my favorite 6 seconds of this 73 minutes and 32 seconds album. When I first listened to it, this very moment, when she unleashes all the power of her voice, was when I let my tears fall. There is something hidden in this 6 seconds that is just waiting to be discovered and taken care of. As a person suffering from depression at a very high level, I often feel the need to be discovered and taken care of, no matter how well surrounded I am by my friends. Feeling 100% safe, listened, understood, is something almost unreachable for me. But I feel like this album gets me. Though going from obsession to obsession and listening to the same few songs over and over until I get bored and move to a few other songs, I often feel the need to listen to this album from the very first to the very last second. I guess the smooth transitions between each tracks really help, but what truly pushes me to do so is how safe I feel when I listen to this album. I'm in an undefined entity's arms, eyes closed, and everything is fine. The world has stopped, and so did my heart, my pulse, my breath, nothing matters anymore. This album is the friend I can always rely on, with no shame of being a burden, the friend I can talk to, with no fear of second hand embarrassment because I might have overshared. This album is what could be called a best friend. The funny thing is that you could expect the album to be your best friend talking to you for more than 70 minutes, with its music, but the album is actually the one listening to you. I always talk about music on the emotional spectrum, and not much the technical one, but I have to mention how perfect this album is when it comes to sequencing. Never is a bit exaggerated, but never in my life I have heard a more beautifully written live show. The songs follow each other perfectly, and the textures, the rearrangements of each song, the quality of the sound ; everything about this live album is perfect. I don't speak Mandarin, but the lyrics that couldn't reach my brain eventually reached my heart and soul, and soothed them.

[yuvon-augold79]

How do you do it? How do you survive with

Hiya.

Heavy ask, definitely. And, purposefully or not, part of it is cut off. But I get your basic point, and I'll answer as best I can.

Be warned: I'm one person, and I'm not the healthiest person on the planet at that. What works for me may not work for another person.

I'm going to be talking about myself and my experiences under the cut, so definite TW there for mental illness and depression, and some mentions of past suicidal thoughts.

First thing that helped: I got help. Professional help. Were there pitfalls? Yes. My first psychiatrist wasn't the greatest, but she was better than nothing. I may whine about my pills and their side effects, but they do help. Massively. Even if they don't cure anything, they rein me in to the point where I can deal with my issues sometimes.

But that's not a possibility for everyone, unfortunately.

The next thing I did, is that when I was in a lighter mood, I wrote down every reason to live I could think of. Even "stupid" things, like chocolate, or my favorite blanket, or that I wanted the next installment of some game series to come out, or that there was this interesting-looking game on the app store I saw that I wanted to try. Literally anything. When I felt myself getting darker, I looked at it. That helped keep me from doing anything permanent.

Next thing: I keep myself from getting lost in my thoughts and spiraling into dark places. Different things work for different people, but I use two methods. First, distraction. If I can cut a spiral off early, by focusing on something I could think about for ages, I can put distance between those feelings and myself. Once I have that distance, the feelings are easier to handle.

Second, actively countering my thoughts. If distraction doesn't work, I actively counter my bad thoughts where I can. For example, if I start thinking "I'm just selfish, and I've just been fooling the others," I would then think in reply, "I am a good person."

It doesn't matter if I believe it or not, or if it helps me in the moment. Over time, countering those thoughts becomes muscle memory, so to speak. Does that mean I don't still get episodes where I get overwhelmed by the world? Does that mean I don't still slip up and spiral sometimes? Hell no. But it's something.

I also try to know my limits, to not compare myself to others, to set boundaries, and to cut toxicity out of my life. It's part of why I try not to engage in discourse, or why I don't have accounts on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or really any other social medias.

And, of course, there's the ever-present "venting through art" technique, if you're a creative type of person.

There are a lot of other things, but I don't have the brainpower to think of them all right now, sorry :/

If I think of anything more, I'll write it in a reblog. But, at its most simple: Do what you have to to make it to the next sunrise.

I sincerely hope you have a good or at least okay day/night, anon.

.

(Side note: This is more a Me thing than general answers, but because Gender, I'll sometimes go to the pronoun dressing room website, and put in the pronouns that feel most right for me then. Feels great for a bit of easy validation.)

[lost-my-plot]

"It's Just The Spindle"

I'm a thirsty bitch for angst. So welcome to the first of many parts for twisted x a cursed reader (with the help of a friend each dorm will have a slightly different curse) I'm starting with malleus and the curse is very similar to sleeping beauty. I'll try to keep on top of getting these out.

PS. This took so long I got really excited about researching how spinning wheels work.

-creamy

Reader has he/him pronouns though this can be enjoyed by any. Reader is not mc!!

Tw: angst, mentions of depression, violence, slight yandere

The day was late a gentle glow gave peace in the dorm. Some attend to their studies; one naps among the animals, the tiny world of the dorm seems to be at peace. Though a single student has an unexpected fate they are about to face.

Y/n lurks around the unused halls of the dorm his heart singing a song leading him to a unknown destination. His heels echo through the quiet halls softy reaching few ears, a Prince's ear picks up on the clicks and spikes his interest. Leaving the unfinished work behind, Malleus moves to find the unfortunate heart that wonders.

The beating of the mortals heart grew in volume the song taking over his mind; as the s/c hand wrapped around the cold metal handle, the dragon Fae reached the human friend, the human who holds the strings of his heart without knowledge. Green eyes watch the near hypnotized man turn the handle and pushes open a long forgotten door, to a barren room void of anything but an old Saxony spinning wheel covered in dust and webs it's bobbin half filled with yarn while, the wool laid spread around the tool as if there was haste when the maiden who once spun it abandoned it.

Malleus's heart froze seeing y/n wonder in, the glossed look in his eyes made the Royal release exactly what was taking place. The sleeping curse. The same, or atleast similar, curse that his grandmother placed on a princess many a century ago. Before he could think his legs were carrying him towards the competitively younger man, yelling out for them as he passed the border of the room. The familiar voice pulling the cursed back to reality however, it was to late as he turned his head to look the left ring finger landed on the spindle and it was over. With a slight lack of grace the h/c man fell back knocking the ancient wheel with him it hitting the ground, breaking with echoing loud crack. Malleus caught the sleeping man before he landed.

Between the wheel's crash and Malleus's grief filled wailing the whole of Diasomnia was alert, their previously peaceful afternoon was now a night of curiosity. Lilia, having an idea as to what had happened, with Sebek and Silver made swiftly towards to the distressed Prince.

The two taller men pulled their broken friend way from the human that has caused this heartache, Lilia quickly took y/n's heavy lifeless body and placed him on the ground; getting an unexpected and frankly out of character roar from Malleus as tears pooled at his chin and his legs grew weaker. Silver silently told Sebek what he wanted to do before gently bringing the dragon down to the ground where he could safely continue his agonizing cries while being held by people he sees as his family. Looking over y/n Livia's suspicions were proven true, the cure. The Fae y/n grew up under did inform him of this though he never did believe it; why would a peasant family in counter and Fae with such power, and how had they angered them? This question weren't important now, he had to comfort Malleus and start work on how to save you.

The dorm was near silent again but this dorm the only sound was the mourning the Prince, for the first week seemed to be handling as many. he didn't stay by the sleeping corpse when his peers came by giving gifts to be placed around the soft bed he rest some would stay longer speaking to those who slumber as if he'll respond; he never did. Teachers came by as well few leaving things most there to help Malleus work on a way to free you. Leona even came by shortly, it was clear that this lost has hurt most in the school.

As time passes the answers never seem to show itself, though many continue trying to remind him of the original tale of his grandmother, he simply refuses. He doesn't want to accept that the true love kiss may not be from his pale lios; there has to be another way. Lilia tries to keep his 'child' together and safe taking him out on walks at night, while silver watches over y/n. Despite these efforts Prince malleus breaks more and more until the final crack.

The doors to his room, as well as the stairs leading up the tower to it have been blocked and filled by large roses and their thorns creating a near death trap for those who don't have the aid a strong teleportation spell or broom but even those are risky their own two people who the vines move for: Lilia, silver and when they do he's usually reading more and more books on curse's or sleeping alongside y/n hands interlocking are tears visible on his face; the food they left on their last visit was barely touched. The Prince's own room hasn't being used since ye fell its covered in dust with the smell of what once was, the sound of y/n laugh still echoing off those walls; it was hunting to walk pass.

Years it's been years your body stay the same just barely breathing eye closed gently enough that one would believe they were to open any second. However he knows better know but why, why had he left him, why didn't y/n tell him of this. he would have protected him, if he Had then he wouldn't be where he is now: A ruined castle covered in vines of thorns, alone. Even with his 'family' he's alone without him, with out the man he loves. "maybe my kiss will wake him... I have nothing more to try" the mumble was his last hope.

Pushing the h/c out of the beautiful face he leans in closing his eyes. If this doesn't work he shall live his long life without love, without what he wanted most. His lips y/n' touch lightly.