#ultimately what gets me about him is his unwillingness to sacrifice

[nopalitosx]

it's funny bc irt john's backstory, i actually keep thinking back to cristabel. she's the one who encourages john to be more selfish (and she makes a good point about why) she's the one who allows him to figure out resurrection. and post resurrection, she's the one who sets lyctorhood into motion.

like as a devout catholic, i had a strong reaction towards cristabel naturally, and it's so interesting bc like. i understand and to an extent agree with her actions, but ultimately she enables john and everyone else to be worse?

for me, That's the character i find most relatable. her faith has guided her every action, she truly believes she is working for the greater good, and is willing to sacrifice herself over and over in pursuit of it. and yet she ultimately makes everything worse. those are the mistakes i can see myself making. if i were in her shoes, not knowing what the future holds, just trying to figure out a path in the midst of chaos, i can't say i would do anything different.

[poorlittlegreenie13]

Since you asked people to send you asks for Wretched Things. Here you go:

1) Regarding Misty as the supposed traitor, was it always the intended direction? Also, is Misty inspired by Caesar Flickerman and Beetee?

2) Also, I think Nat’s the youngest victor in the fic? Which reminds me of Finnick, did you draw inspiration from that? Also, how did you decide how Nat would win her games?

3) This isnt a question but more of an observation I think? Regarding how Lottie won her games, she gives off major Lucy Gray vibes.

4) How did you decide whether Jackie would live or die? Like, in what point of the story did you decide that she was going to be doomed by the narrative or was it the intended direction of the story all along?

5) This isn’t a question but a remark. I love how you tied Van with the wolves and making Tai the President at the end of the story.

6) Regarding Travis, was it always the case for him to sacrifice himself? Because to be honest, I thought he’d commit suicide.

7) Lastly, how did you come up with the story for James? I liked his story and I was wondering how you created him and his arc with Callie.

Sorry for the interview questions, I just have a lot to ask.

Omg this is thrilling. Do not apologize I love talking about my own writing 😭.

1. Do you mean Misty being the traitor underground when they think there’s a spy? I briefly considered having her actually be leaking information when I was writing the outline, but I didn’t go that direction bc I don’t believe at her core that she would ever hurt her friends. Walter was more inspired by Caesar Flickerman than she was, she is definitely more Beetee & also a little bit of Plutarch. She supports the greater good, but she also isn’t afraid to sacrifice things & she knows sometimes people have to suffer/die for ultimate victory.

2. Yeah, Nat is the youngest victor! She was definitely based on my aspects of Finnick’s story, though none of the characters are totally based off of one THG character or another, I also just based them on what I thought those YJ characters would do in the games. So, to your next point, I decided how Nat would win her games because I think while her character is desperate not to let herself be killed, and has a strong survival instinct, she also is one of the least violent Yellowjackets. She really shows an unwillingness to be cruel/violent in many circumstances. & she also feels a lot of guilt about letting people die in her place. So, hence the story of how she won her games.

3. lol Lottie & Jackie are both very Lucy Grey in this fic I think.

4. Jackie was always going to die tbh. It’s kind of baked into the story. Like I think in the first line or first paragraph she tells the story of Achilles & Patroclus? & basically describes the exact circumstances of her death lol. I feel like the point of the hunger games is that there was never anything Katniss could do to save Prim, & I wanted to keep that spirit in this story. & I also wanted to stay faithful to the major points of YJ & I’m not sure I ever see Jackie and Shauna getting a happy ending tbh. I like MCD when it’s done well, hopefully it’s done well here. The only other characters I briefly thought of killing were Misty & Van. Misty died in the original outline but I changed it. & I did think about killing Van in the way finnick died, I mean, she’d just gotten her happy ending wedding she’d been wanting the whole book, & she’s so brave she would’ve sacrificed herself to sewer mutts if needed. It also would’ve been a narrative parallel to Tai sacrificing herself to the wolves earlier in the story & pushing Van off the cliff to save her. But, I obviously didn’t wind up doing this because I love Van wayyy too much to kill her for basically no reason.

5. Thank you!! I was extremely proud of my wolf-taming scene lolll. & I think Taissa is actually a good choice for president during peacetime. Even though she’s kind of a bad senator in the show, I think she has legitimately good political ideas & she’s definitely the smartest of the group (maybe tied with Shauna, but she was in no shape to be president atm).

6. No, I kind of killed Travis off randomly ngl 😭. He kind of did kill himself, he was definitely acting reckless on purpose. I just knew I didn’t have room for him in the final war chapters bc I just didn’t want him moping around & taking away time from the main characters. So at basically the first opportunity for him to die with narrative meaning I was like… okay time to go. It furthered Jackie’s story though so yk. I feel good about it.

7. I came up with James bc there are two great epilogues I’m fond of with the children who survived the ordeal of their stories growing up & falling in love. So I wanted to do the same thing. They kind of represent elements of all three main couples, & show how things could’ve been for them if it weren’t for the games. & it gave Shauna and Callie an opportunity to bond. I also just thought it would be funny if they were in like a toxic situationship hooking up & not talking about it, canon high school event I fear. But mostly I just wanted to give everybody a happy ending & I thought the two of them falling in love tied the story together nicely & showed how much better things were for the new generation!

How it started:

How it’s going:

[swan-orpheus]

What is Luthen Rael?

I can’t stop thinking about this episode, but seriously, who did Luthen lose??? Who and what is Luthen Rael? Saw remarked in Ep 8 that he never says what he is and what he ultimately stands for. Why is he a coward? Did he watch someone die, powerless to stop it?? 

Does he have survivor’s guilt?

“I share my dreams with ghosts.”

Who are these folks and are they people that he lost fifteen years ago? It would make sense given his other statements such as the one about the equation. 

“I wake up every day to an equation that I wrote fifteen years ago from which there’s only one conclusion, I’m damned for what I do.”

He speaks like a man who has lost and/or broken his Faith and is doomed to some sort of hell as a result. 

This is a man who wears or wore a kyber crystal around his neck, hidden underneath his clothes. I did not think before that Luthen was a former Jedi or force sensitive, but what if he is? if not it is sure looking like someone close to him was. Was he a temple guardian like Chirrut or something else similar? I also found it interesting how he chastised himself for being angry and violent like it went against his own personal code of conduct, apart from the sacrifices he’s had to make. He speaks of losing balance when he says: 

“I’ve given up all chance of inner peace.” 

and 

“My anger, my ego, my unwillingness to yield, my eagerness to fight, they’ve set me on a path from which there is no escape.”

He’s talking about falling to the Dark Side whether he’s force sensitive or not. Anyone can compromise themselves to the point of losing themselves which is really what the Dark Side is a metaphor for. The Force exists in and around everyone. Just the language that he is using is so particular, that it’s difficult to ignore. 

He urges others to fight, but he never gets involved himself. Is attacking against his belief system? The Evil attack, the Good defend is sort of a mainstay of many stories. He feels guilty because he propels other people to what some view as acts of terrorism, even if it is for the sake of saving all that is good. 

Will he retrench and get involved anyway, at Spellhaus or whatever is about to go down on Ferrix? We see him in his ship in the previews fighting so clearly he is not going to live in the shadows forever and whenever he emerges, I think it will be for the memory of whoever those ghosts are, those that he lost when the Empire came into power.

I believe that Luthen lives to S2 and that we are going to get some mentions of The Force though in a way consistent with Rogue One, subtle and in keeping with the narrative. 

I’ve always felt that “May the Force be with you.” was a bit of a Rebellion slogan. You see it in the original trilogy and throughout Rogue One, before battles especially. In a galaxy where the Jedi were destroyed and believing in the Force is heresy, where you can be arrested for being even mildly force-sensitive or for knowing someone who is, where an acknowledgement that all beings are connected which is antithetical to the Empire and the to the Dark is dangerous, saying that to someone, mentioning it, is an act of rebellion. 

Vel says to Mon Mothma, “We’re fighting against the dark.”

Perhaps Luthen Rael is the one thing you are not allowed to mention, something that never gets mentioned. 

“He is something that we shall never discuss.” 

Vel likely doesn’t know much about his background, but this line surely is there for a reason, for the audience to note. It could just be about his position as an axis for rebellious activity or it could have a double meaning. The question of his origin is highlighted again and again in this show. He says that his ego has no mirror. He is not strictly alone. He has Kleya and other human connections, such as they are. Or is he alone because there is no one like him?  Because he lost his family, the only ones who really understood him? 

I think that Luthen believed in what the Jedi stood for, was closely connected to them, or was one himself, and I am certain that if any of this comes to pass, this team of writers will do it justice and make it work in a way that is not going to steal anything from the narrative or the tone of the show or compromise their vision of what Andor is. Then again, I’ve always thought that the Force was a lot more fluid and varied and sophisticated than just, you can float rocks or not. It’s about every sentient being. It is life itself. (Also. I’ve always wanted to see regular people who are connected to the Force. You don’t choose it, it chooses you. You could be a Jedi or you could help your neighbors with their garden or warn the village of danger. But I digress.)

I certainly neither need these things to happen nor find them desirable or undesirable. I observe patterns and draw conclusions. But okay, ngl, that would be extremely compelling and building towards it for an entire season, layer upon layer, is totally their style. Certainly the nature of his sacrifice is very Jedi-like. He gives hope and light to others in dark times, but keeps none for himself. 

“So what do I sacrifice? Everything!” 

...just as the Jedi were sacrificed on the altar of the Empire.

The Force has been there hiding in the folds of this show the entire time. it doesn’t need to be name dropped to be real. And I LOVE that. 

I trust these writers. They waste nothing. Each line, every scene, every self-reference has a place, mirrors something else. Impeccably. 

[alovelyburn]

For @megashadowdragon

Okay, so I'm not answering this Ask directly because it pastes someone's post into the question and I'm not super comfortable arguing that directly with someone who doesn't know they're being argued with. But the points included basically come down to

the Eclipse is a used to reactivate Guts' rape trauma and he is reminded of Donovan during the rape of Casca.

She tells him to look away because she knows he'll be having traumatic flashbacks to his own rape

The Eclipse is much worse when you consider that he's having flashbacks and is unable to save her from what happened to him.

Okay, I'm middling on this.

And heads-up, there's some pretty frank talk about the narrative's use of rape and such below this line, and it's presented without judgment on whether Miura's choices were good or bad writing or right or wrong morally because I'm just here to talk about what's on the page and the rest is fuel for another day.

Okay, so, I don't think he was actively thinking about/reminded of Donovan at all, because if he were, Miura would have just put that on the page. I know this is the most boring-ass possible way to answer it but it is what it is - Miura never once hesitated to twist a knife if he had one, or give an onscreen flashback so you know where things connect. So I do think he would've put it on the page.

But even if he wasn't literally thinking about it, that doesn't mean he doesn't ultimately end up having the same buttons pushed.

The thing is, bear with me here, but the actual rape by Donovan does not appear to be the primary source of Guts' trauma. He's with the mercenary band for years afterward and shows no touch aversion, he's not particularly skittish. I'm not saying it didn't traumatize him, because it very obviously did, the flashbacks are self-explanatory, but...

If we look back at the assault by Donovan, what happened to Guts is largely framed in the narrative as being about the question of whether Gambino did or did not sell him - the first thing he does the next day is go after Gambino and when he thinks Gambino didn't do it, he just kind of goes back to "normal," and then gets his revenge, and then goes back to "normal" again. Now, let me be clear... obviously he wasn't actually "normal." My point is just that the emotional core of the situation with Guts, Gambino and Donovan is actually on Guts and Gambino. And narratively, the rape itself is used to set a timer on a bomb inside that relationship that ultimately blows on the night when Gambino tries to kill him and reveals that he did, in fact, sign off on the assault... which is when most of Guts's PTSD symptoms actually begin.

What I'm saying is, ultimately what did the most damage was not the rape in itself but the fact that Gambino, who he loved and trusted, was the reason it happened. Not only does this reopen his wounds from the assault, it also spawns an inability to trust that leads him into a life of isolation and loneliness, and the two combine to manifest through his unwillingness to be physically touched by men..

To reinforce my point here, even when he had his final major flashback in the meadow scene, it took like 5 seconds for him to go from flashing back to Donovan to crying over his regrets about Gambino, which does appear to me to be the biggest wound in his life up until the Eclipse.

Now why is this all relevant, well, because Griffith's actions during the Eclipse (and the fact that he agreed to the Sacrifice to begin with) are an echo of Gambino's actions, which brings it all back.

So yes, I do think the Eclipse ultimately retraumatized him, but here's the caveat: much like the original rape by Donovan, the assault itself is traumatic, but the larger portion of the damage comes from the betrayal that allowed it. I'm not sure if that distinction is clear outside my brain though, so lemme try to explain.

Basically, it's about where you center the emotional core of the scene.

The post is suggesting that the emotional core of the scene is between Guts and Casca over this shared trauma - he's flashing back because of what's happening to her, she's trying to protect him by telling him to look away because she knows he must be suffering from flashbacks, etc., he's traumatized because he was unable to protect her, like there's a lot going on between Guts and Casca in this post.

But that's difficult for me to buy because much like the thing with Donovan is centered on Guts and Gambino, the rape in the Eclipse is clearly centered on Guts and Griffith. Casca is mostly used as a vessel for Griffith to hurt Guts with. That's so clearly the case that people get pissed off about how sidelined she is during her own rape. And, if I ask my writer brain why that was done, the answer is very obvious: it's because the emotional core of the scene is actually not on Casca at all, it's on the implosion of Guts and Griffith's relationship; specifically on Guts being betrayed by the person he loves most again, with that person again trying to kill him (or have him killed) and using rape to hurt him.

That Guts is more focused on Griffith's betrayal than anything else is also evident in how Femto's rape of Casca largely remains categorized in Guts' head as something that Griffith did, rather than something that Casca went through.

And again, I know the sidelined Casca thing bothers people, but don't pillory me, I'm just analyzing what's on the page.

Moving on - the thing about Casca saying don't look... honestly I think the reason is self-evident: she doesn't want him to see his girlfriend being raped by his best friend… and frankly, she probably doesn't want to be seen in that situation either. I don't know that it needs a bigger explanation than that.

Which brings me to the last point - the thing about the scene being worse when you realize he's having these thoughts about being unable to save her from what happened to him - I guess my comment on is that I don't think that's what he was thinking, so the conclusion doesn't apply.

That said, full disclosure, I did look up the original post and I mean, I'm trying to interpret their theory in good faith but because I'm vaguely familiar with that poster, and I remember the last line (that was left off) I just kinda... ehhh.

[prokaryotics]

lil nachito ♡

hiii heather <33

CHARACTER ASK MEME

favorite thing about them: hm. i thought his attitude towards authority/control has always been interesting, even before season three when he’s forced to keep working for the salamancas. it’s clear he doesn’t like to be told what to do (see mike and the baseball cards) and his reluctant but forced cooperation has been fascinating to watch, even if sometimes it’s only over a missing twenty LMAO

least favorite thing about them: his unwillingness/inability to listen to his father’s pleas to turn himself in if he really wants out of the cartel life. i think that’s what frustrated me the most about his death - not that i think he took the coward’s way out or anything, but it certainly didn’t have to be that way. he knew (most likely, this is just reasoning) from the beginning that getting into the drug trade would put anyone within his circle at risk, even if just theoretically, then when his father’s life was finally used as blackmail against him, it seemed like the show made it so that his death was the ultimate sacrifice when truly it was just nacho reaping what he’d sown. and it is yet to be seen if his ““sacrifice”” really does keep his father safe (after years of his only son and child giving him grief for being in the life to begin with).

three things i have in common with them: short, mean, in love with lalo salamanca

forrealsies though we both have very complicated relationships with our father, i also have a weird thing with being told what to do (esp if i feel like my hand is being forced), and i’d also hire a hit man to kill the psychopathic cartel drug dealer who almost killed with a shot gun

three things i don’t have in common with them: i would Not bring the fucking head honcho cartel leader i just tried to off with spiked pills to my father’s auto body shop and then get annoyed at him for being rightfully angry with me. definitely not his best and brightest moment. also probably would have switched the shit back when mike told me to instead of hastily trying to pour them down a sewer. he is somehow so smart and very stupid.

favorite line: “you think of me” soooo sexy the way michael delivered that line switched a few neuron pathways in my brain

brOTP: nacho and mike love u forever kings

OTP: i feel obligated to say lacho but i think it would be funny if i said nacho and gus

nOTP: didn’t really vibe with his like polycule relationship with amber and jo. narratively it’s sure whatever but idk. icky.

random headcanon: big fan of sean paul. owns a dutty rock cd that he listens to when he’s alone in the car

unpopular opinion: some of his shirts are so, so ugly

song i associate with them: man in the box - alice in chains

favorite picture of them: this one

bitchitude off the charts in this one lads

[aj28gaming]

Nagito's dementia and misuse of information

CAN PEOPLE STOP TRYING TO USE FRONTOTEMPORAL DEMENTIA SYMPTOMS TO EXPLAIN HIM?

.

What I mean is, yes he has dementia or is at least diagnosed with it

And I believe that he probably does actually have dementia (not saying he could've lied tho but he could've still been misdiagnosed)

But that doesn't mean he has all of the symptoms

.

I don't think we can confirm if he does or doesn't have dementia because he might just not have all of the symptoms

But I do know that using the symptoms to explain his character isn't a good idea especially since it usually undermines who he actually is

.

So stop using his dementia as a way to explain EVERYTHING HE DOES AND IS

He doesn't even have all the symptoms and is close to having almost none of them

Using a mental illness to explain a character's entire character is a bad idea and makes it seem like it's who they are entirely

Yes Nagito is diagnosed with dementia however that isn't who he is entirely

He is a complicated character with a lot of layers

And his illnesses definitely don't make up ALL OF HIS LAYERS AND CHARACTER

.

Okay now, let me explain

(These are a combination of all of the symptoms of Frontotemporal dementia that I have gathered)

.

(I AM NOT TRYING TO PROVE HE DOESN'T HAVE DEMENTIA BECAUSE HE MIGHT STILL HAVE IT, I'M JUST TRYING TO POINT OUT WHY USING THE SYMPTOMS TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING HE DOES IS A BAD THING)

.

Now onto the symptoms:

.

Behavior and/or dramatic personality changes, such as swearing, stealing, increased interest in sex, or a deterioration in personal hygiene habits

- No, and no not even when the killing game started. Yeah sure he laughs now, but that's no different from how he is normally since laughing for him is what he does when he gets surprised or stressed. He doesn't change much in the killing game, he still believes in hope and everyone else, still respects boundaries, still have crazy high intellect and empathy, still pushes people away

.

Socially inappropriate, impulsive, or repetitive behaviors

- not really, again the guy is a freaking gentleman even during the killing game. He respects boundaries, reprimands Teruteru for sexual assault during chapter 1, pushes people away and distances himself from others, isn't at all impulsive (usually quite the opposite really), and is usually planning and tries to remain calm and composed throughout the killing game (struggling tho cuz yeah killing game)

.

Impaired judgment

- here, I kinda disagree. I wouldn't say that Nagito is entirely in the right with everything he does, but I understand his views. The guy knows that no one is truly a bad person in the killing game because everyone was forced into it. He knows that even the blackened escapes and everyone dies, it isn't fully a bad thing because that means someone escapes and goes back home to their loved ones while the killing game ends

If a blackened succeeds, the despair would be of course everyone else dying and the blackened going through a lot of trauma, but the hope would be the end of the killing game and the blackened going home or to their loved ones or to their goal in life or whatever

If the blackened dies, the despair would obviously be the blackened dying and the killing game still continuing, while the hope would be everyone else still alive

Nagito isn't exactly wrong in wanting to help the blackened as well, of course, Nagito would want him himself to be the victim so another person gets a chance at escape and no one else would be the victim

Sadly for Nagito, that time never comes

Nagito doesn't want others to be killed, he wants to sacrifice himself instead as the victim instead of everyone else

.

Apathy

- .....big no. Nonononono. The dude is anything but apathetic.

"Apathy is a lack of feeling, emotion, interest, or concern about something."

Seriously, being a dude who is constantly supportive of everyone and their hopes in life and how passionate this dude gets about hope and despair, and the fact that he is the most stressed 24/7 about something bad happening due to his luck, this guy is seriously anything but apathetic

.

Lack of empathy

- No. If the guy truly lack empathy he wouldn't need to use Hope desperately as a coping mechanism, wouldn't care about the ultimates and their hopes and despairs, wouldn't constantly be thinking about helping the ultimates and overcoming despair, wouldn't be the most stressed out of everyone, and definitely wouldn't be in love with Hajime or even act the way he did in chapter 1

.

Decreased self-awareness

- You don't actually understand why you act the way you do. A good indicator that you lack self-awareness deals with how well you understand your emotions, actions, and behavior. People who lack self-awareness often feel constantly off-kilter, anxious, or angry.

This is not Nagito at all. The guy understands his emotions and behaviors which is why he is able to do the things he does and is able to conduct plans based on how much he understands his own self and capabilities. The guy is actually the most self-aware out of everyone, he knows about how people don't understand him and constantly misunderstand him and his intentions, he is aware constantly of his inability sometimes to properly explain his goals to people.

The guy has a lot of self-awareness and isn't afraid to take responsibility for his actions. Actually, it's because of how self-aware he is of his own self and his destructive luck cycle that he constantly blames himself for anything bad that happens.

The guy is seriously self-aware as hell and it's scary sometimes

.

Loss of interest in normal daily activities

- Nope, he hasn't shown any sign of apathy towards anything and is usually pretty hyped about doing daily activities. He is paranoid though on the daily because he fears for what his luck cycle might do

.

Emotional withdrawal from others

- Emotional withdrawal involves bottling up your emotions. It involves cutting out the people who could help us, because we're so used to rejection that we've learned to anticipate it. Because we've learned to disconnect from others, we develop other unhealthy coping mechanisms

Emotional withdrawal is defined as pulling back emotionally or physically by bottling up your feelings or disconnecting from others. Emotional withdrawal can be far more complex at times. It is comparable to a breakup, in every way but physical.

Kind of? Yes, he pushes people away, but he is still willing to spend time with people, especially Hajime, when they really insist. He politely pushes people away, but he isn't opposed to hanging out with people either though it is sometimes rare

.

Loss of energy and motivation

- .... I already said it before, the guy is full of motivation and energy and passion that it is scary sometimes

.

Inability to use or understand language; this may include difficulty naming objects, expressing words, or understanding the meanings of words

-.....WHY IS THIS HERE? THE GUY IN THE JAPANESE DUB CONSTANTLY FLEXES HIS DAMN ENGLISH VOCABULARY DESPITE IT BEING A JAPANESE DUB

AND THE FUCKING ENGLISH WORDS HE USES ARE FANCY AND HIGH LEVEL AS FUCK THAT I FEEL SMART JUST READING THEM

.

Hesitation when speaking

- Definite no, the guy isn't afraid to voice his own opinions and never hesitates and can get very vocal about the things he is passionate about

.

Less frequent speech

- Again, definite hell no. I wouldn't be surprised if his voice lines are longer than the voice lines of everyone else combined

.

Distractibility

- Nope. The guy is focused on his goals constantly. No matter what he does, you can always be sure that it is for a certain goal. He pisses of Fuyuhiko? It was to get a reaction from him to confirm his suspicions about the true culprit. He lied about the rope? It was to see how Mikan would react and how the trial would go to confirm his suspicions about Mikan being the culprit?

The guy is focused like a damn soldier

.

Trouble planning and organizing

-.....do I seriously need to explain? This is Nagito we are talking about

.

Frequent mood changes

- Not really. He usually acts or reacts a certain way because something happened like someone died or something. He is actually pretty normal with how he acts and reacts and doesn't really change his mood rapidly that much

.

Agitation

- Yes and no? Sure the guy gets paranoid 24/7, but is still somewhat more chill than agitated to an extent. He is easy going and is just paranoid about what his luck would do, he is vigilant but not necessarily agitated

.

Increasing dependence

- No. The guy is independent to a fault and only relies on others when his plans call for it. He also usually does things of his own accord and rarely with a partner unless he really needs to or his goal is to help that person specifically, which knowing him is a usual thing

.

Unwillingness to talk

- Again, no. The guy talks a lot and while he pushes others away, he wouldn't turn down a conversation if the other person wanted one

.

Lack of inhibition or lack of social tact

- Again, no. The guy is a gentleman and respects boundaries and definitely gets stressed especially in the killing game. The guy is also paranoid 24/7 on a normal day due to his luck cycle

.

Obsessive or repetitive behavior, such as compulsively shaving or collecting items

- No? Sure he clings to hope but that is more of a coping mechanism. If he isn't in a stressful situation like a killing game he doesn't get that obsessive as much about hope since he doesn't need to desperately cling to it as a coping mechanism

.

Unusual verbal, physical or sexual behavior

- No? He isn't at all like this. It isn't unusual to panic or use a coping mechanism desperately when in a situation like a killing game, and he doesn't do anything unusual like this when it's a normal day. Sure the guy gets paranoid, but that's it

.

Weight gain due to dramatic overeating

- No? Actually, I don't really know how much weight he gains to be honest so idk

.

.

.

My main point here is, yes there is a chance Nagito does actually have dementia, but using the symptoms as a way to explain his character undermines who he actually is and can cause a lot of misunderstandings of his character

Especially since I remember being told that they only added in dementia to his character backstory a little late during his character development and creation

It isn't a good idea to use his symptoms because it usually gets his character wrong and sometimes makes them excuse a lot of the things he has done

The guy is self-aware, isn't socially inept, is a gentleman, and socially intelligent as hell

.

And again

Stop using his dementia as a way to explain EVERYTHING HE DOES AND IS

He doesn't even have all the symptoms and is close to having almost none of them

Using a mental illness to explain a character's entire character is a bad idea and makes it seem like it's who they are entirely

Yes Nagito is diagnosed with dementia however that isn't who he is entirely

He is a complicated character with a lot of layers

And his illnesses definitely don't make up ALL OF HIS LAYERS AND CHARACTER

.

.

.

[moontours]

Isn’t lovely how Tony being the ultimate mentor figure has emerged basically organically and somewhat recently. Like, he isn’t a character with an editorially mandated teen sidekick*, nor is he a former teen hero, he doesn’t have his own kids in most universes, he just is a guy that more and more writer that were writing teen heroes saw and said, this is a man children what not only like, but trust. And not even like, kids find him cool so they wanna hang out, idt most of his tinies think he’s cool past his reputation as an old school hero lol (616 Tony doesn’t know what TikTok is and refuses to learn.) they just like him. Iron Man is kinda cool, Tony Stark is loved.

Like his backstory as a neglected and abused child turned teen genius left to his own devices too early (and probably having to deal with the limelight/celebrity at an early age) makes him kinda perfect to not just understand what teens ARE capable of on their own (unlike maybe other adults that want them sheltered entirely), but also when they would need help and what they can’t do (because he knows what he needed and didn’t get). And he’s one of the most capable adults to actually support them with tech, knowledge, experience, connections, and funding. Plus his own regrets and fears help him to guide them away from his own mistakes, along with his guiding philosophy of racing towards the future and how kids are the future. Not to mention his willingness to literally sacrifice himself for them or his unwillingness to burden them with his own problems.

(On an angsty note, Tony of basically any universe never really trusting himself/thinking he doesn’t deserve to have his own family (until MCU Tony) is so sad. Let the man have a baby to cuddle and raise. Let him be a very present Uncle at least!)

* (Riri isn’t a ploy to get the Youths™️ to read Iron Man she’s an organic growth of the mythos, like we are talking about here tyvm)

bestie this made me cry so hard i love him so much. he's literally the best person i know and you're so right like his progression to mentor was so organic and natural it made so much sense 😭😭

[vvitchering]

Ponder with me- Icarus by Bastille is absolutely a Cobb song, drinking too much? Living past your years? Being reckless? 100% Cobb

I’ve been thinking about Cobb a lot even before this ask came in so this is as good an opportunity as any to write out my thoughts about him. I've never heard this song before, despite really liking Bastille, so I went and looked up the lyrics. As a whole, it doesn't super give me Cobb energy, (Cobb doesn't strike me as an Icarus figure, he's not one to lean toward extremes, seems more of a strong and steady experienced presence rather than a youthful impulsive or a battered and disillusioned type) but there is a part that kind of does:

"Standing on the cliff face, highest point you'll ever grace / It scares me half to death / Look out to the future, but it tells you nothing / So take another breath / Your hands protect the flames from the wild winds around you"

"Standing on the cliff face, highest point you'll ever grace / It scares me half to death / Look out to the future, but it tells you nothing"

Cobb is a man confined to one place, first by his arrival into the world as a slave and then by his choice to settle in Mos Pelgo to protect the settlement. In a franchise that's literally spread out across planets and stars, his inability and then unwillingness to leave Tattooine feels significant. (popular fanon is that he's never left the planet. I have no idea if this is referenced in canon anywhere, but I like the concept) Is it his drive to stick with the people he's sworn to protect as a man who knows what it means to be left to a terrible fate? Or is it fear of the unknown?

"So take another breath / Your hands protect the flames from the wild winds around you"

'So take another breath' feels like stubborn survival against the odds, which is a very Cobb-like attitude. He survived slavery, he survived the attack by the mining collective, he survived wandering the desert, he survived the Krayt, the man is a professional survivor. And all without sacrificing that cocky-but-not-unpleasantly-so demeanor.

I like the "your hands protect the flames from the wild winds around you" so much for him. At his core I think Cobb is a protector. No one saved him as a child, so he saves everyone he can as an adult. And I don't think its even 100% about making up for the horrors in his own life, I think that's just how he is, innately. This is not a man who could stand by and watch innocent people suffer if there was something he could do to help. And even when he couldn't help, he never abandoned his town, and made personal sacrifices (using your hands to protect a flame is going to get you burned) to ensure its safety.

So, here's what I think Cobb is:

instinctively protective, but ultimately self-sacrificing (if left to his own devices)

maybe not so entirely satisfied with his lot in life, but held back by obligation and/or fear

a survivor, self reliant, capable, but tends to hide behind his cocky attitude rather than expose his scars

deeply devoted to his morals (ex: giving the armor to Din because it was the right thing to do, even though keeping it would have helped keep the town safer)

lonely, resistant to forming close personal/intimate bonds with others, for fear of losing them; fills in the emotional gaps with big generalized feelings instead.

Thanks for coming to my cobbtalk :)

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Although I'm sad the podcast is over, I really did not like the finale of the Magnus Archives. In short, this is because thematically, there was an abrupt shift away from everything we had previously been moving towards (along with a few other aspects).

Up until about the final act of the episode, things made sense. It was very much in character for Jon to try, once again, to "go it alone," and Martin calls him out on this. He's always been a headstrong character, and especially when it comes to his personal responsibility, he's unable to allow others to influence his decisions to any real degree. (Season 2 is a great example of this.)

And what I was expecting was very much what they seemed to be leading up to--Jon would essentially become the Extinction, destroying the entire world and resolving that Chekhov's gun which we've been waiting on for the better part of three seasons now. I was slightly surprised that they didn't make this connection more obvious, but I was willing to accept that it was something clear enough that they didn't have to outright state it; I had previously theorized that Jon would end up ushering in the Extinction, not becoming it, but this made sense too.

But they didn't do this. Instead, abruptly, Jon changes his mind and backs out of his plan. For the power of love, to make matters worse, which is such a tired and amatonormative trope that I hadn't expected it, solely because I thought it was beneath the quality of writing I'd been accustomed to from this show.

Now, looking at this decision with the episode behind me, I can understand what they were trying to go for. They were trying to show that Jon has grown, that unlike before, he is able to listen to people, he does change his plan because he cares about more than just his own feelings--and this would have been a great arc, if they had effectively established it. But the pacing was all wrong.

This entire season, to my great disappointment, has largely been a drag. The episodes, after a point, began to feel like thinly veiled filler. As opposed to Seasons 1-3, and even Season 4, the episodes here were rather disjointed; some were straight-up skippable, because they essentially were self-contained statements from fears we'd already seen. They lost the mystery that pulsated under every statement from earlier seasons, since the apocalypse had already happened. And, instead of replacing that mystery with consistent, poignant character beats, they wrote those beats in sporadically, leaving the rest of the episodes honestly lacking some of that special quality the earlier ones had had.

In other words, the core problem with Season 5, which manifested in the finale in its clearest form, is that neither the characters nor the story changed throughout the season. In the other seasons, each character had a distinct arc (Jon becoming untrusting and spying on others, Martin succumbing to the Lonely, etc.), and that was the core of the show, supported by a distinct and mysterious plot which developed as it went on. And because this did not happen in Season 5, it felt like nothing happened (even though, objectively, many things did).

This is what made that final shift so jarring. Instead of having developed this character growth over the course of the season, establishing that Jon is willing to change his behavior for Martin, the dynamic between them stayed essentially unchanged from the beginning of the season to the end. So to have Jon suddenly change his mind at such a climactic moment, with no more lead-up than Martin...yelling at him desperately once?...felt rushed. The whole episode, in fact, felt rushed, as though they were trying to fit a whole season's worth of character growth into a single episode.

And I can see the point being made of "well, they did establish this throughout the season! Martin and Jon fought several times and they always made up!" And while that is technically correct, two facts make this less impactful:

These moments were surrounded by so much unnecessary content that it essentially drowned them in filler. They didn't feel as memorable as they could have, because they were just moments, not a steady emotional through-line as we've had before, and

Jon, throughout the entire season, remained rather godlike. We saw him struggle a bit with his power, we saw some conversations about it, but he was missing that raw humanity he had had in earlier seasons. And while this makes sense, as he is growing less and less human, it also makes genuine, human, emotional connection more difficult for his character to have. Because of this, those emotional, character-driving beats didn't feel as notable in the context of the larger season. By necessity, we had to focus on other things, but this means that the ending we got should not have been where things ended up.

Ultimately, Jon's character hadn't been shown to change enough that his final change of heart at the last moment made sense. It felt unearned--even though the legwork was *technically* put in, it didn't land with me (and perhaps the larger audience? Is this why we've seen less TMA content for Season 5 than any season before?), leading to the conclusion feeling rushed and forced. Especially since it was all for love...but don't get me started on that.

In my opinion, what should have happened was this: we knew all along we were going to get an unhappy ending. So we should have gotten a definitively unhappy one. Don't leave things ambiguous (which feels like an unwillingness to commit to any real stakes, making the whole season, and ultimately, the whole show, feel inconsequential, since we've been told the stakes are deathly high the entire time), and give us a distinct, thematically consistent ending that resolves those unfired Chekhov's guns.

What I would have liked to see is Martin confronting Jon, Jon not listening to him and going ahead anyway (with some appropriately emotional arguments between them beforehand!) and then becoming the Extinction. Watching Martin fall apart as we see Jon become everything he never wanted to be: a monster, inhuman, someone who Martin couldn't love--watching Martin try to stop him, but fail, watching Jon cry as he sees how utterly he's destroying not just the world, but the only person in it who truly understood him, watching Jon go through with it despite the pain, because most of all he has to do what is right. He's done being manipulated, he's done being controlled, he's done letting his selfishness and his desire to pretend that everything can be alright hurt others (bringing back themes from earlier seasons), and he is willing to sacrifice everything to serve the greater good--despite knowing that the people who make up that "everything" don't want to be sacrificed. It is a fascinating, morally complex issue that has no happy resolution--but the in-character resolution, with the characters we were given this season, is a clear and definitive one.

Ultimately, because of the lack of attention paid to effectively developing these characters this season, no ending was going to feel satisfying. Our payoff to all of the growth really happened at Season 4, where Jon decided to do what he wanted, namely kill Lukas and inadvertently usher in the apocalypse. And since Jon hasn't changed, his decisions shouldn't either--he should still choose to do what he thinks is best, no matter the cost.

But at the very least, even though it wouldn't really have been a choice, even though it would have meant he failed to grow through all of these experiences, I still would have liked to see Jon decide to not just fall victim to the Web's manipulation. I would have liked to see him try, and fail, and prove ultimately that he is still a man, however godlike he might be, but to try at least to choose something other than what was already set out for him. That's what the whole show has been leading up to--the tragedy of something being so avoidable, yet so out of your control, that what happens in the end feels like both your choice, and the only option left. That's why the Web was the overarching fear, because fundamentally, at our cores, that is what we all fear: life. Life is making choices--in all its complexity of fate and free will, we are terrified of life and the way our choices, or lack thereof, will affect ourselves and everyone else. We don't get to take an easy out, which is what it feels like Jon did here, by allowing the Web's plan to move forward and continuing to be manipulated by it just like he has been his whole life. We have to struggle to break free. We have to make those hard decisions, even if there's no right one; we have to try to grow, even if we ultimately do not.

We don't get to choose death.

We have to live.

[hamliet]

MXTX Ladies Week: MDZS

I did Scum Villain’s awesome female cast last night, and now it is time for my favorite of MXTX’s novels, Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation. 

In MDZS, my main critique is that, while all of the female characters do get fantastic arcs, the vast majority of them die (though, granted, their deaths aren’t usually done just for the male characters’ sadness, but often do make sense for their own arcs. So that’s. Something. Still grumbly about it though). “The woman dies” is a similar trope to “bury your gays” and it’s... tiring. That said, I did find all the characters’ arcs incredibly well done. No one is fanservice; they are all complex and human.

I want to talk about the characters whom I haven’t talked about as much before, so that means less on SiSi and MianMian, as well as less on Madame Lan. See here for my meta on SiSi and MianMian, as well as here for my meta on Madame Lan. Throughout all of their arcs, there’s a common thread about calling out sexism. MianMian calls it out directly:

The person replied, “You’re...calling white black no matter how irrational it is. Ha, women will always be women.”

MianMian fumed, “Irrational? Calling white black? I’m just being considerate it as it stands. What does it have to do with the fact that I’m a woman? You can’t be rational with me so you’re attacking me with other things?”...

Holding in her tears, she shouted a moment later, “Fine! Your voices are louder! Fine! You’re the rational ones!”

She clenched her teeth and took off the crested robe she wore with force, slamming it onto the table with a loud bang. Even the sect leaders in the front rows, who weren’t paying attention to this side, turned around to see what happened. The ones beside her were indeed surprised. What she did meant that she was ‘leaving the sect’?

Soon, some began to agree, “Women will always be women. They quit just after you say a few harsh words. She’ll definitely come back on her own, a couple of days later.”

“There’s no doubt. After all, she finally managed to turn from the daughter of a servant to a disciple, haha…”

MianMian is looked down upon by the social hierarchy for being a woman and for being the daughter of a servant. Her lack of power against a sexist world is eventually countered by the fact that she’s one of the women who survive the novel, with a husband who follows her in night-hunting. As I said in my past meta, she steps outside a corrupt society.

Mistreated Wives Mistreating Children: Madame Jin and Madame Yu

Madame Yu is probably one of the most complex characters in the entire novel, which says a lot since she’s a minor character. But she and Madame Jin are said to be best friends who arrange the marriage of their children, and the two women are also foils. 

Both of them are mistreated by their husbands in a sense. Madame Jin has to deal with Jin GuangShan sleeping around and impregnating numerous other women, while Yu ZiYuan has to deal with the fact that Jiang FengMian clearly was in love with CanSe SanRen, not with her, and brought back CangSe SanRen’s child after Wei WuXian was orphaned. To be completely fair, Madame Yu’s dislike of and lack of respect for her husband is completely valid over this. However, what isn’t valid is her taking it out on all three of the kids at Lotus Pier. She abuses Wei WuXian and mentally abuses Jiang Cheng as well, and isn’t exactly awesome towards Jiang YanLi either. She constantly reminds Jiang Cheng that he can’t live up to Wei WuXian (projecting her own bitterness at not being enough to be loved like CangSe SanRen in her husband’s eyes), whom she despises for whom his mother was, and thereby exacerbates Jiang Cheng’s already deep insecurity issues (granted Jiang FengMian is responsible for this as well). But, she ultimately dies to save both Jiang Cheng and Wei WuXian, refusing to cut off his hand when she knows he is innocent. It doesn’t erase how she treated them while they lived, but it does add a level of complexity and tragedy: she knew Wei WuXian was powerless in these circumstances, as she had always felt, and she saves the kids before dying to defend Lotus Pier--with her husband, whom, it’s implied, did care about her but sucked at showing it. Almost like that’s a Jiang family trait.

Madame Jin is no better towards Jin GuangYao when he shows up. She did not object towards a child being kicked down the stairs on the basis of something he could not help, and Lan XiChen notes that she has him beaten regularly after he is accepted in the Jinlintai. Yes, she told off her husband for his arrogance, but she was trapped in her marriage with him and projected her pain onto someone who was not responsible for it (regardless of what Jin GuangYao did, she was abusing him). 

The point of both women isn’t that they’re horrible or that one is redeemed; it’s once again calling out the double standards and corrupt power structures at play. Jin GuangYao and Madame Jin are actually foils in that both abuse the power they have to target children who can’t help who their parents are (A-Song), because neither of them are able to truly demand justice from the person who is actually responsible: Jin GuangShan. 

The Bad Girls: Meng Shi, CangSe SanRen, and Madame Lan 

Or the women whom no one cared about enough to hear their stories. Madame Lan was a murderer and a parallel to Jin GuangYao and Wei WuXian as a result; the only way to save her life was to marry Lan WangJi and XiChen’s father. She’s noted to have been playful and fun, but she was only allowed to see her sons once a month, and she was confined her entire life, which is basically symbolic of how the cultivational society treats people: it traps them and isolates them.

CangSe SanRen is not described in much detail besides that, like Xiao XingChen, she left BaoShan SanRen to join cultivational society. Yet she still continued to flout its rules--cutting off Lan QiRen’s beard and marrying a servant instead of marrying a sect leader and gaining power. Rumors about her--that she had an affair with Jiang FengMian despite no evidence--and that she flouted society are then projected onto her son (symbolic of society’s unwillingness to change its corruption and power system)...

...which is just like how Meng Shi’s having been a prostitute is projected onto Jin GuangYao. People won’t even accept tea from him, believing his skin dirty on the basis of whom his mother was. However, everything we know about Meng Shi suggests she cared deeply for her son and chose to have him despite knowing what it would do to her popularity as a prostitute. Even when the other prostitutes comment about how she was a fool who kept hoping he would return, she still cared for her son and he repaid her by carving her face into the GuanYin temple’s idol. Jin GuangYao also expressly says that his father “wouldn’t buy [her] freedom,” implying that she did not have much of a choice about her lifestyle. Good job, society. Not. 

The Mean Girl: JiaoJiao

Okay, she’s kind of loathsome in personalty, petty and cruel and having an affair with an even crueler prince. Yet in a story that comments so much on privilege, it’s hard not to see her as a victim of circumstance as well; however, her proximity with the (then) pinnacle of corruption in Wen Chao and Wen RouHan means that she too misuses her power once she has it. She hurts innocents in Lotus Pier, she tries to kill MianMian just for being pretty, etc.

However, keep in mind that JiaoJiao’s prettiness is said to be what attracted Wen Chao to her, and it’s said that her family then received favors, such as the creating of their own sect. Her name is also noted by translators to be comparatively unsophisticated, implying that she likely came from a family that wasn’t exactly high up in society. None of this excuses her, but what exactly makes her fear of someone else being prettier than her and thus losing all the power she has (which she knew would happen eventually), and potentially her family suffering for it as well, all that much different than Jiang Cheng’s bitterness towards people more powerful in cultivation than him? Jiang Cheng had ShiJie and Wei WuXian and others to show him love and help him not become as cruel of a person (until she dies and then he does, indeed, torture people), but we know nothing about whether JiaoJiao had that. 

Desperate people cling to what they have. JiaoJiao, Wei WuXian, Jin GuangYao, and Jiang Cheng all show us this. It doesn’t excuse them, but neither does it mean they’re demons. 

Integrity and the Limits of Sacrifice: Wen Qing and Jiang YanLi 

Jiang YanLi and Wen Qing are in many ways the opposite of JiaoJiao: both are brave, kind women, and wonderful older sisters, even if Jiang YanLi is unassuming and Wen Qing bold. Both are inhibited by their power, though: Jiang YanLi’s talents are not cultivational in nature, and Wen Qing may be talented and brilliant as a doctor, but she is limited by her role all the same:

Lan XiChen responded a moment later, “I have heard of Wen Qing’s name a few of times. I do not remember her having participated in any of the Sunshot Campaign’s crimes.”

Nie MingJue, “But she’s never stopped them either.”

Lan XiChen, “Wen Qing was one of Wen RuoHan’s most trusted people. How could she have stopped them?”

Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “If she responded with only silence and not opposition when the Wen Sect was causing mayhem, it’s the same as indifference. She shouldn’t have been so disillusioned as to hope that she could be treated with respect when the Wen Sect was doing evil and be unwilling to suffer the consequences and pay the price when the Wen Sect was wiped out.”

The thing is: she did try to stop some of them, helping Jiang Cheng and Wei WuXian, but Jiang Cheng doesn’t speak up for her. Sigh. 

Both of them are also foils in how they both ultimately sacrifice their lives to save Wei WuXian... and it turns out that their sacrifice doesn’t protect Wei WuXian. Wen Qing tells Wei WuXian the story’s catchphrase “thank you, and I’m sorry” before turning herself in for execution with her brother, but all this winds up in is the BurialMounds being seiged anyways, all her relatives except Wen Yuan being killed, and Wei WuXian still dying. Wen Ning, too, is not killed but is made a weapon. Jiang YanLi, despite Wei WuXian having led to the death of her husband, pushes him out of the way of a soldier looking to kill him, and gets killed instead. But this only results in Jiang Cheng becoming enraged and helping kill Wei WuXian, and Jin Ling being left an orphan. 

However, because MDZS has a pretty nuanced view on sacrifice, it’s neither pointless nor to be admired. Wei WuXian is both Wen Qing and Jiang YanLi’s foil in this: he, too, is self-sacrificial to a fault. The novel pretty clearly implies that self-sacrifice can be a form of self-harm, as it is for all three of them. Yet, all three of them have a defining trait of deep love that ultimately enables them to have legacies that continue: Wen Yuan, Jin Ling, even Wen Ning survive, and Wei WuXian is given a second chance at life. It’s not that their sacrifices were ultimately selfish and didn’t matter or shouldn’t have happened; it’s that, without an unjust society, they should not have had to happen. Wen Qing should not have been condemned on the basis of her name. Jiang YanLi should not have been killed because Wei WuXian should never have been seiged. And Wei WuXian should never have had to feel like he had to prove his worth (keep in mind Yu ZiYuan’s last words to him are literally that he should protect Jiang Cheng with his life). 

The Victims: Qin Su, Mo XuanYu’s Mother, and Madame Qin

In this house we stan Qin Su. 

Talk about a woman who goes after what she wants. She is said to have pursued Jin GuangYao after he saved her during the Sunshot Campaign, rather than the other way around. 

However, during the sunshot campaign, Qin Su had been saved by Jin GuangYao. She fell in love with him and never gave up, insisting that she wanted to be his wife. In the end, they finally drew the period on such a romantic story. Jin GuangYao didn’t let her down either. Even though he held the important position of Chief Cultivator, his behavior was drastically different from his father’s. He never took in any concubines, much less had a relationship with any other woman. This was indeed something that many wives of sect leaders envied.

And yet, again, because of circumstances beyond her control and because of the abuse of power, she can’t have happiness. Jin GuangShan raped her mother (seriously, he’s the very symbol of power abuse in relation to sexism in this novel), who is too ashamed to tell her husband that his best friend assaulted her. We can’t fault Madame Qin for staying silent, and with Qin Su already pregnant, it’s difficult not to empathize with Jin GuangYao for feeling trapped and marrying her anyways--though it is his fault for not telling her, and for killing their son, as Qin Su basically states that the dividing line for her is because Jin GuangYao killed A-Song, not because of their blood relation. 

After a moment of silence, Jin GuangYao answered, “I know that you won’t believe me, no matter what I say, but it was sincere, back then.”

Qin Su sobbed, “… You’re still speaking such blandishments!”

Jin GuangYao, “I’m speaking the truth. I’ve always remembered that you have never said anything about my background or my mother. I’m grateful for you until the end of my life, and I want to respect you, cherish you, love you. But, you have to know that even if A-Song hadn’t been killed, he had to die. He could only die. If we let him grow up, you and I…”

With the mention of her son, Qin Su couldn’t bear it any longer. With a raise of her hand, she slapped him on the face, “Then who’s the one that did all this?! Just what can’t you do for this position?!”

In some ways Qin Su and Madame Qin could be seen as a potential foil for Madame Jin and Madame Yu, in that they both loved children who were forced upon them, who would have been scorned in the world’s eyes, and defend their wellbeing and life. 

Mo XuanYu’s mother was sixteen when Jin GuangShan found her, and she was noted to herself be the illegitimate daughter of a servant--but her father was not scorned for this, yet she was scorned for having a son outside of wedlock.

the elder one was the daughter of his principal wife, looking for a husband to marry into the family, while the younger one was the daughter of a servant. The Mo family originally wanted to hastily give her to someone, but an adventure awaited her. When she was sixteen, the leader of a well-known cultivation family was passing by the area, and fell in love with her at first sight.

...In the beginning, the people of Mo Village regarded the topic with contempt, but because the Sect Leader* often helped out, the Mo family received plenty of advantages. And so, the direction of the discussions changed, and the Mo family took pride in the matter, while everyone else also envied the opportunity. 

She was respected only for the value she could bring a poor village. And then when Mo XuanYu was cast out of the Jin Sect, it’s noted that:

After he went back home dejectedly, he was bombarded with ridicule. The situation seemed like it was beyond redemption, and the second-lady of Mo was not able to withstand the blow, shortly choking to death because of the trauma.

Considering Mo XuanYu’s makeup is of a hanged ghost and the mention of how she died, it’s pretty likely that she hung herself. 

Mo XuanYu’s mother, just like Qin Su, commits suicide in the end to avoid a cruel society that would not respond to plights that were in no way their fault with anything but cruelty. Jin GuangYao notes that Qin Su would be the “laughingstock of the world” and soon after she grabs a dagger in which her soul would be trapped forever--a dagger originally owned by again The Symbol of Abuse of Power in Wen RouHan--and kills herself in a chamber of secrets (literally, a secret treasure vault, because she could not survive these secrets coming to light not keeping them silent). Just like Madame Qin, neither of them have anywhere to turn to for justice or for compassion. In the cultivational world, they are already disadvantaged for being women, and their tragic ends show again how disgusting the society in MDZS is. 

Hope and Bravery: A-Qing

Of course it’s not the righteous cultivator and it’s not the strongest in cultivation who is the hero who finally gets justice in Yi City. It’s the beggar girl who pretends to be blind, the thief, with no cultivation. A-Qing’s ghost may be blind and mute, but she sees and speaks more than any of them. Her empathy enables the heroes to figure out what happened in Yi City, and she is mourned and lauded for her bravery for it.

She has little power in the world, so she lies to get the money she can. But what she does have is love and loyalty that foils Lan WangJi’s (though I don’t believe in any way that it’s remotely implied this love for Xiao XingChen is romantic!) Even after Xiao XingChen’s death, even after her own physical dismemberment and death, she continues to look for justice for him, and this eventually pays off.

Further Hope: MianMian

I addressed this a bit in my meta with her, but MianMian’s happy ending comes outside of society, and includes her marrying a man who respects her autonomy and wishes:

Luo QingYang gazed at her husband, smiling, “My husband isn’t of the cultivating world. He used to be a merchant. But, he’s willing to go night-hunting with me…”

It was both rare and admirable that an ordinary person, and a man at that, would be willing to give up his originally stable life and dare travel the world with his wife, unafraid of danger and wander. Wei WuXian couldn’t help feeling respect for him.

And MianMian still has a keen observation: that society in the world hasn’t changed (which Wei WuXian will also note in the last chapter when they find a new scapegoat villain in Jin GuangYao):

Luo Qing Yang sighed, “Oh, these people…” She seemed as if she remembered something, shaking her head, “They’re the same everywhere.”

But as long as there are people willing to be empathetic, to believe in justice and be brave, who can combine these--like A-Qing, Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian, and more--there is hope for healing, even if it takes thirteen years. 

[equalityfalsegod]

Spiritual Spoiled Brats

Bible study time! Just try and follow along this morning if you can. Good luck with this one. I've been trying to render my observations out into this status out over the last several hours. Still unsure if I managed to articulate it properly. LOL

First starting with what I was reading here: 

https://www.wildbranch.org/teachings/hebrew-greek-mind/lesson8.html

The above link is very good read, as is the entire series by Brad Scott.  You can find the 13 part series at his Wildbranch Ministries website (wildbranch.org), under the heading "Teachings" and the subheading titled "Hebrew vs Greek Mind". It is a very deep dive study into how the origins of the words and meanings as they would have been originally spoken, versus how the Greek way of thinking has, over time, altered the meaning of language through an entirely different way of perceiving meanings of words. (Greek ≠ Abstract / Hebrew ≠Tangible). I would recommend it for anyone who might be interested in seeing how the Greeks/Romans of the time, were able to dominate Hebrew/Judaic culture, along with many, many other cultures in ancient times and conquer them in a way that was ultimately more effective than warfare; which was to change/alter their language, and change the meaning of words to fit their Greek mindset and worldview.  The pen is truly mightier than the sword.

This got me thinking about the differences between modern day Christianity and how they generally view scripture, versus how those of us who have drifted away from that mindset view it, and how those differences shape our individual spiritual convictions. 

In particular, this quote from the link above by Mr. Brad Scott, in my opinion, gives a good example of one of the differences:

"To the scripturally spiritual man the other world is the reward, not the goal." 

So that makes me ask, "okay, is that a Biblical principle? What does he mean by "scripturally spiritual man"? Does the Bible say how we are rewarded and/or what our "goal" is?  If so, then why/how would one be rewarded according to the scriptures?  What is the difference between having a goal, and getting a reward? Are we all rewarded, and are there different rewards? What do Christians say our reward is (not individual Christians, more, those who are Christian leaders/denominations)? 

After answering those questions for myself through searching the scriptures, it brought me first to this general observation.  Just my opinion, not directed toward any particular person, denomination, etc... 

Conservatives in this country in general roundly object to when children are given rewards without earning it (winning), just because they happened to be present; many consider children who get rewarded without being found worthy of reward as being spoiled.  Yet at the same time, the prevalently accepted spiritual belief system in Christianity does exactly that.  It claims that you only need to have "belief" of worthiness (ie: accepting Christ in your heart, aka, "grace through faith") in order to reap the rewards. And while, I agree, that those who perhaps have become martyrs and died as a result of professing that belief will certainly be rewarded for that devotion, that in itself is "action/works + faith": ie: "proof" of their belief. Works + Faith.  Being slaughtered by someone because you would rather die than denounce your love for Yeshua (Jesus) would be the ultimate "work". However, at least as of now, the majority of Western Christians (not all, but many) have not had their devotion tested to the point of actual martyrdom, and even then, I suspect, many would still be found "lukewarm", based upon their unwillingness to sacrifice personal comforts in order to live according to the "how", the actual instructions that the Scriptures inform us that God himself commanded us to live.  Ultimately, God knows our hearts, yes. But are you willing to take the chance that your own heart has been tempted astray by false teachings that might incur His wrath when judgement comes? I know I am not.  And I refuse to entrust my own salvation to any pastor, preacher, teacher, organization, institution, religion, tradition, interpretation, culture, practice, or society which thinks it is free to add to or take away a single word of the Scriptures in order to accommodate and excuse their own personal preferences, philosophies, or traditions.  God was pretty clear on what he thought of those who preferred traditions of men over the instructions he sat down for us. 

Consider our "Participation Trophy" culture of entitlement.  Christianity itself is a "Participation Trophy" Religion.  "You don't have to "do" anything--- EVERYONE gets salvation!" Suddenly "Jesus" turns into "Oprah", handing out salvation to anyone who simply happens to be in the room at the time, cheering for their own selfish desire, without any other stipulations.

Is that what the Bible actually says though? 

I find it ironic that on one hand, Conservatives roundly condemn Liberal thinking based on how all that matters is intention, while at the same time, using the same logic to explain how they are saved based strictly upon grace through faith alone, and entirely leaving out the fruit of the spirit and the works that the FRUIT produces. 

But first, let's study out the word "FRUIT" so we can find out what the original intended meaning of what "Fruit" is according to how the ancient Hebrew authors of the Bible, and those who lived at the time it was written would have understood it to mean and what that applied to, so we can better understand how that would have been relevant then, and why I believe it is relevant even until now. The English word "fruit" in Hebrew is spelled "פרי", which is "pry" in modern Hebrew (transliterated), and pronounced "per-ee/pr-ee" in English. (Keep in mind, Hebrew is read from Right to Left, which can be confusing to English readers.) The origin of the modern Hebrew letters, " פרי " starting from the first symbol from right to left, if we break it down into their ancient pictographic Hebrew meanings would be: פ (pey) meaning "mouth", "word", or "speak",  ר  (resh) means "head of", "beginning of/heart of" and  י  (yod/yud) means "arm/hand", or "work".  So fruit, means what you say and what you do, according to your head (heart). 

John 14:15- "If you love me you will obey my commandments". What commandments? How do you obey them if you do not know what they are? Would you be considered obedient to Yah's commandments if you only confess things with words without actions that prove it? In conclusion, I realize this is going to be a very unpopular opinion, nonetheless, I will be totally blunt: Our modern day Judeo/Christian culture has turned us into spiritual spoiled brats. 

I myself, have lived most of my life as a spoiled brat, and in many ways am still a spoiled brat.  But that is in part, why I am so convicted to pursue righteousness.

Proverbs 21:21 

"He who pursues righteousness and loving-commitment Finds life, righteousness and esteem."

Mattithyahu (Matthew) 16:24, 27

24 "Then יהושע said to His taught ones, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his stake, and follow Me."

27 "For the Son of Aḏam is going to come in the esteem of His Father with His messengers, and then He shall reward each according to his works."

Shabbat Shalom, Ya'll!

[askaceattorney]

Dear askrikkaiandhyotei,

Thanks for waiting, first of all.  I’m finally finished with all the essay requests that came before yours.  As Nahyuta might say...

So, an essay about the Last Rites Prosecutor?  Let us begin our journey down the path of enlightenment.

In order to properly talk about this prosecutor monk, I first have to talk briefly about the concept of religion -- not any specific one, but religion as a whole.  Throughout history, religion has been described a thousand different ways -- something necessary for life and society, something needless or even harmful for life and society, and just about everything in between.  The reason I bring this up is that Nahyuta does a great job of portraying both the positive and negative sides of religion through the use of a fictitious one called Khura’inism -- a pretty bold move on Capcom’s part, but if you ask me, it paid off pretty well.

We first meet him in his natural habitat, as peaceful as anyone could be.

His peace is interrupted when the police drag a captured member of the Defiant Dragons into the temple.  As a prosecutor of high reputation, this rebel could be described as Nahyuta’s mortal enemy, but his attitude toward him, while disdainful, is far from unpleasant; he in fact offers him mercy on behalf of the Holy Mother if he’s willing to submit himself to the court’s judgment.  Even knowing how empty of a gesture this is, considering the unfairness of every trial in Khura’in since the enactment of the DC Act, it’s still somewhat refreshing to see him speak so calmly to someone considered to be the lowest of the low in Khura’in.  His patience stems from his calm nature, but also from his loyalty to the deity he serves, as evidenced in his words:

“O Holy Mother, as your humble servant, you would have me act to save this wretch’s soul?  I suppose this, too, is part of my fate.”  This demonstrates one of the nobler sides of religion -- a willingness to leave one’s fate in the hands of a higher power.

The next time we see him, he attempts to stop a potentially brutal fight between the police and a fugitive, who happens to be holding a knife to Maya’s neck.  His desire for a peace is admirable, especially in such an intense situation, but what he says next is of questionable virtue:

It’s here that Nahyuta displays one of the less noble parts of religion -- looking down on those who don’t share one’s beliefs.  Sure, a guy who’s willing to use an innocent bystander as a shield obviously needs some form of help, but what exactly are those condescending words supposed to do for him (or Maya, for that matter)?  Not surprisingly, he refuses to listen, but luckily, Nahyuta has reflexes like Little Mac.

Interestingly enough, immediately after this, we see his compassionate side again.  He not only rescues a foreign visitor, but wishes the Holy Mother’s divine favor on her.

As uppity as he’s shown himself to be, it’s hard to dislike someone who treats a stranger so well -- especially one who, as we know, has been through some serious rough spots in her life.  This introduction of Nahyuta -- a disdainful yet compassionate man of faith -- leads us to wonder if he’s meant to be a protagonist, antagonist, antihero, or something else.

And we haven’t even gotten into the game proper yet.  There’s still a lot to unpack about this guy.

Our next bit of info comes from his unlikely detec- sorry, forensic investigator, Ema Skye:

Like a lot of new characters, he’s shrouded in mystery from the very beginning.  We at least learn what his reason is for choosing the prosecutor’s path, and where his courtroom nickname came from:

We’ve seen all manner of bizarre prosecutors up until now, but so far, Nahyuta is the only prosecutor who wears his beliefs on his sleeve, especially in the courtroom.  For him, prosecuting is about more than seeking justice for the guilty -- it’s about seeking salvation for their victims.  In other words, it’s not only his professional duty, but a religious one.  Interestingly enough, his professionalism is no less strong than his religion -- according to Ema, he’s known for solving difficult cases around the world.

But religious, professional, or otherwise, Nahyuta proves to be the same as every other prosecutor, as well as every human being -- capable of making mistakes, both big and small.  Before we get to that, though...

Well, what do you know?  Looks like we have yet another connection between a new character and a current one.  Apollo, just how many people do you know that you never talk about?

The importance of their relationship is put to the side as we learn how Nahyuta operates as a prosecutor.  At first, he seems like a “gentle-mannered soul,” as Athena puts it, but that visage disappears in the next moment.  Like pretty much every prosecutor we’ve seen, he’s proud, demeaning, and flat-out brutal when he wants to be.  He even has a favorite adjective for describing his opponents.

Then there’s the sutra he often chants as a fancy way of telling them to “get real.”  And as if that wasn’t enough, he uses his “duty as a monk to punish sinners” as a way of claiming the moral high ground, even going so far as to threaten to cast the defense and defendant “into the pit of hell.”  It’s hard to blame anyone for getting upset after hearing that, is it?

But hey, at least there’s no physical abuse this time around, right?

...Oh.

And as fate would have it (or perhaps some divine being who decided to have some fun), his favored forensic detective is a lover of science.  Talk about a perfect match, am I right?

At least the clash is more on the hilarious side in this case.

But anyway, on to Nahyuta’s mistakes.  Aside from his sickening hypocrisy (which is par the course for most Ace Attorney prosecutors, anyway) and the oversights he makes in court, there’s one blatant sin of his that sticks out: ascribing to a principle that anyone, religious or not, should be able to see problems with -- namely, the DC Act and the persecution of those who defy it.  To be fair, his motive for doing so is a humanitarian one -- protecting his family’s honor and safety -- but his willingness to look the other way as his own countrymen are wrongfully imprisoned and executed (not to mention his father having to stay in hiding because of it) is quite the opposite.

This brings us to his signature catchphrase, which could also be called his motto:

There are a lot of situations where this would be good advice, but in Nahyuta’s case, it’s a convenient excuse for him to give up on dealing with the problems of his past and remain loyal to the whims of Ga’ran.  More specifically, it’s a mask he uses to hide what he feels inside, which we don’t discover until it’s forced out of him: a lack of faith.

Even as someone as who has no trouble believing in the Holy Mother, Lady Kee’ra, and the Twilight Realm, Nahyuta struggles to believe in change, no matter how much his family, his friends, and his nation need it.  And it’s here that we see one of the most beautiful twists in his story -- when it comes to change, his father and surrogate brother have more faith than he does.  It takes some persuasion from Apollo to make him realize it, but it turns out he hasn’t quite given up on righting the wrongs of the past.

Nahyuta’s unwillingness to confiscate his father’s badge is all the proof Apollo needs that his faith in Dhurke’s fight for freedom hasn’t disappeared completely.  After proving this and Dhurke’s innocence, he finally forces Nahyuta to do something few people have the courage to do -- look at his own sins.

Unlike Claude Frollo, Nahyuta managed to turn his focus inward and realize his own imperfection.  It took some push from a close friend for it to happen, but better late than never.  And as it turns out, his faith in Dhurke’s creed was as close to him as his right hand all along -- in fact, it was on it.

Much like with Rayfa’s moment of transformation, Capcom was nice enough to give us a voiceover for this pivotal moment.

Nahyuta’s story in SoJ ends with him beginning a journey down his own path of redemption as he attempts to undo the damage caused by Ga’ran and his obedience to her.  He’s even bold enough to ask for Apollo’s help in continuing Dhurke’s mission of restoring Khura’in’s legal system.

I love character redemption as much as anyone, but one thing I love even more is when a character takes it a step further by joining the same cause they were once fighting against.  Whether it was brought on by the Holy Mother’s will, a love for his family and country, a mixture of the two, or something else, Nahyuta ultimately becomes a changed man.  Transformations like this are a sight to behold, especially knowing how much struggle it takes to get there.

So, religion -- is it good overall, evil overall, or somewhere in between?  That’s a mystery we probably won’t solve here, but Nahyuta and his religious devotion provide an excellent example of both the good and the evil that can come from it.  As both a cliche religious bigot and someone who’s willing to make sacrifices for others, he illustrates the crucial fact that no one is perfect, and that religion doesn’t do much (if anything) to change this, but faith certainly does.

And finally, I have to agree with your analogy of Nahyuta as Apollo’s Edgeworth -- the two of them knew each other from a young age, grew up together, were separated by unfortunate circumstances, and followed very different paths, one being less noble than the other, but eventually undergoing a dramatic change in direction.  It makes me wonder what a spin-off game with Nahyuta as the protagonist would look like.  It might just be interesting...as long as we don’t have to chant that sutra into a microphone.

-The Co-Mod

[panharmonium]

@merlinobsessionist you understand me on a spiritual level

[putting the rest of this under a cut because it just ended up being me grumping at length about fandom trends - which, yes, i am well-aware is a silly endeavour in all cases, but sometimes you just gotta have your little grump regardless, you know, for health reasons. X)  and in this particular case the grumping is probably relevant/entertaining only to myself, and you, and one or two other people here, so, tucking it away to spare everyone’s dash :) ]

the other day i was exploring the mostly abandoned wasteland that is the merlin fandom on livejournal (since that’s my original fandom home and obviously i missed out on being involved in that particular niche of lj when merlin was active, so i was feeling nostalgic and kinda curious as to it had looked like) - i stumbled over a merlin fic-finders comm and looked up my boy william just for kicks, and surprisingly, a couple of the old requests sounded like maybe i WAS involved in the merlin fandom on livejournal back then and i just don’t remember it

i think i wrote this in a past life

this is an eleven year-old comment in a mostly defunct fandom community but i felt it in my BONES

oh, my dear commenter from 8 years ago, i WISH  XD

it made me laugh, and then it made me grumpy, because obviously there were very few suggestions offered in response to these asks - the fics just don’t exist, not in any numbers.

and like, the thing is, i don’t particularly care about the shipping side of things for the most part; i always lean towards gen and that’s mostly been it, for me; that’s always been my MO in every fandom i’ve ever participated in, but - look.  if i have to witness (*checks ao3*) 23,830 (twenty four thousand. twenty four THOUSAND!!!!) instances of merlin getting together with arthur hecking pendragon, over and over and over again, in every AU configuration under the sun, then you had better believe i am ready and willing to plead the case of the only person in the merlin-verse who did not think arthur pendragon deserved merlin’s entire life.  

and of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with arthur and merlin as an item, obviously (i mean, i can name a few things about it that don’t appeal to me personally, but that is not the same thing as a value judgment) and everybody should have fun with their own ships, always - but for me, personally, there is just...enough of that out there.  i have seen Enough.  it’s hard for me to even determine where the rest of the fandom is, under the ever-present spread of merlin/arthur content; a picture of merlin/arthur should literally be next to the dictionary entry for steamroller.

and of course, i knew it would be like this from the beginning, and i know complaining about the ubiquitousness of a particular ship in fandom is utterly silly, in the end, because it’s not like there’s anything wrong with something being ubiquitous - the whole point of fandom is to make what you love, and if that’s what everybody loves, well, hey, that’s just how it is!  that’s what people should be making - the stuff they love!  that’s what fandom is here for!  i only mutter to myself in the bubble of my own blog because the ubiquitousness makes it almost impossible for me to find what *i* love, because i don’t want to read about arthur/merlin in the first place, no matter who else appears in the fic, and also because my fave minor character, while he gets a pretty good amount of fannish screentime for someone who showed up in one episode, also suffers from the curse known as “virtually everything he features in is actually about merlin and arthur getting it on”

like - by the numbers, when you exclude merlin/arthur from will’s character tag, will retains less than 20% of his fics, some of which are already like...you know, he’s dead, or just mentioned, et cetera.  

and his poor ship tag...he and merlin have 136 fics in their tag, and at first you wanna look at that and be like - ‘hey, not bad, pal, that’s p. good for a rarepair!’  but in actuality, less than 20 of those fics are actually about him and merlin.  like...12% of his own ship tag actually belongs to him, and the rest is him being used as a plot device to get arthur and merlin together.

and i am sure that a lot of other side characters probably suffer from this, too, given the general fic distribution in this fandom, though the only person i’ve looked at for comparison purposes is freya, who is a (mostly) one-ep character like will.  she, despite that, doesn’t appear to get hit quite as hard - she seems to keep more of her fic for herself, which is nice (when i exclude merlin/arthur from the freya/merlin search, freya still retains about 65% of her fics, as opposed to will’s sad little 12%).  i’m glad for her, though - she of all people does not need to be losing fic to arthur; she has suffered enough. 

to put things in perspective, though - merlin and uther have more fics in their ship tag that earnestly focus on the tagged....hnhhmgnhn i can’t say it...relationship than merlin and will do - even filtering out every instance of dubcon/noncon.  

(and yes, i did in fact want to die when i had to actually click the merlin/uther tag on ao3 in order to check that factoid, thanks for asking.)

so, that said - i don’t generally read canon-era fic anyway, when i’m actively writing for a fandom, but since the merlin fandom sometimes feels like it consists solely of modern AU’s anyway, all i am trying to say is that it would be nice if i could pick up an AU including a character i enjoy without seeing him constantly reduced to:

merlin’s loser ex

merlin’s abusive ex (w h at)

merlin’s ex who’s kinda sorta tolerable-ish, maybe, if you squint, but just ultimately Not Right for merlin - holding merlin back, or being too overbearing, or too pushy, or Just Not Enough - or being someone who merlin stays with only bc he’s familiar and merlin’s settling for something safe and unrisky and stagnantly unfulfilling

the dude who merlin cheats on to be with arthur

the dude who cheats on merlin, bc the fic needed a reason to break up merlin and will so that white-knight!arthur could swoop in (cue me shouting ‘IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO YOU THINK WILL WOULD EVER - ’)

the dude merlin “makes mistakes with” when things with arthur aren’t going well

the friend-with-benefits who’s apparently chill with a casual arrangement, thus keeping himself conveniently out of the way of the oncoming merlin/arthur train

the friend-with-benefits who’s secretly NOT chill with a casual arrangement and who’s pining for merlin, except we all know that ain’t ever going anywhere because arthur exists, and in the meantime merlin only ever gets together with will to try and forget his problems

the friend-with-no-benefits who’s still pining for merlin (which situation, i might add, would be read completely differently if it were arthur in will’s shoes, because if that were the case then the audience would 100% be rooting for him)

the “best friend” whose only purpose in fic is to provide space for conversations/debriefs about merlin’s relationship/pre-relationship with arthur (like - i’m sorry, but there desperately needs to be some type of bechdel-esque test for will; e.g. do will and merlin have a conversation about something other than arthur pendragon?  if yes, u win, u may pass go, collect 20 dollars, congratulations)

the friend whose dislike of arthur always, ALWAYS ends up being framed as a mistake.  as will’s stubborn unwillingness to give arthur a chance, until at last will sees the light and succumbs to the irresistible beauty of merlin and arthur’s eternal love. -_-  there is vanishingly rare acknowledgement in fic of the fact that in the canon universe, all of the criticisms will makes about merlin and arthur’s relationship are not only accurate, but made in merlin’s best interests (and also, ultimately, proven right, by the end of the show - merlin tanks his whole damn life for a series of empty promises prophesying arthur pendragon’s future potential, and he gets NOTHING for his devotion.  merlin is more alone at the end of the show than he was at the beginning, when his only dream was to be loved and accepted by more than the two people who’d comprised his entire life up until that point.  and he spends at least half a decade in between the show’s hopeful beginning and its miserable end being told that he’s evil by the very person for whom he is expected to sacrifice his future.  

so what, exactly, makes will so wrong to be wary?  who among us wouldn’t be angry if we saw somebody we loved being forced to sacrifice themselves on an unforgiving altar like this?  

i don’t know the answer.  i’m not sure what it is that earns will his spot on the “destined to be shafted for arthur pendragon” list.  i don’t know if it’s an unconscious backlash to will’s refusal to hop on the arthur/merlin train, or if it’s just a superficial understanding/lack of genuine interest in his character, which, in that case, sure, i’ll give people that one, in all fairness; not everyone has spent a year picking his character apart (though i still don’t think it justifies tossing him in there just because the fic needs a random insert who can be positioned as inferior to arthur’s gloriousness).  either way, the end result is that we usually end up seeing a will who has very little in common with his source material, or who needs to ultimately step aside to make way for arthur - arthur, who never displays the same level of care toward merlin in canon that merlin shows toward him, and who actively oppresses merlin’s people for the entire duration of their relationship.  

like...it’s all just fic, obviously, and we can make characters as OOC as we want; have fun; go wild.  but at the same time, it’s impossible for me not to balk at how arthur in some of this fic is just - utterly unrecognizable.  in comparison with fic!will, arthur is the most Solicitous, Gentle, Understanding, Deeply Concerned, Invested-In-Merlin’s-Welfare-and-Inner-Thoughts creature you ever did see, and I’m just over here like - it is not like that!  it is NOT LIKE THAT!  IT HAS LITERALLY NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT.  arthur pendragon in fic sometimes interacts with merlin like - he tilts his head and listens like a therapist and affirms absolutely everything merlin says and tells him ‘gosh, i understand. tell me more. how can i help you’ - he goes about his day thinking about merlin and putting merlin first and i just - i literally have never seen this person before in my life.  who is this man?  who is this unbelievably attentive paragon of caring?  i’ve never met him before.

the entire running problem with merlin and arthur’s friendship in canon is that arthur, while he absolutely does care about merlin, tends to take merlin for granted.  merlin is just another feature of arthur’s landscape, until something dramatic happens and arthur has a little scare and saves merlin’s life, and then things go back to the way they were.  arthur doesn’t See merlin the way he should, not in the ordinary moments.  merlin goes home and spends his evenings thinking about arthur’s life; he ties himself in knots trying to help arthur develop as a person and to keep arthur safe and happy, but arthur just goes home and eats supper with his wife.  arthur does not go home and spend his nights agonizing over how he can improve merlin’s life.  he never once thinks, ‘my purpose on this earth is to serve and support my friend merlin.’  he never feels like he’s supposed to be half of some two-sided coin.  i know people like to give arthur this quality in their fic - and that’s totally fine, of course, it’s fic, have as much fun as you want - but in canon, that is just not something arthur pendragon does.  it’s not who he is shown to be.  

and yet almost every time when i go to explore fandom, i find that the person who does put merlin first in canon is perpetually elbowed aside for this extremely generous interpretation of everyone’s favorite prince.  

and i just...i always try to find the good bits in everything, and i am sometimes willing to overlook a ship i don’t personally enjoy if there’s something else about the piece that i think is great, but there’s only so many times i can read the sentence “merlin had never felt like this with anyone, not even will” in fics where merlin and will are supposed to have been dating or even married/engaged, or “will was merlin’s best friend, but he just didn’t understand” (not like arthur, of course, who merlin literally just met a week ago), or “will was great, but there was only so much of him merlin could stand in one sitting/will was great, but he was best enjoyed in small doses.”  there’s only so many times i can read a hundred different variations of that before i start to get real grumpy.  and that’s not even touching the fics where will’s portrayed less favorably than that, even.  

so, you know.  i feel grumbly about it sometimes, how this particular character is trapped in a perpetual net of always being less-than, when one of the nicest parts of fandom for me is that every character/ship can have an infinitude of possibilities, even the ones i personally think are unbelievably bizarre (which category merlin and will do not even fall into, like - it’s not an incredible leap.  merlin/mordred is a leap, okay; mordred is like seventeen years old!  leon/morgana is a leap - how on earth did that become so popular??? - but will and merlin?  that’s not a leap.)

what is it about will that makes him so tempting to trample over?  will’s only sin in canon was to look at arthur pendragon and pronounce himself utterly unimpressed.  his only crime was to tell merlin ‘this dude isn’t good for you,’ about which fact he was CORRECT, by the way - he is the first person who ever chooses to care about merlin, the first person merlin ever chooses to trust, the first friend who loves real!merlin without needing to be coaxed and convinced and taught that it’s okay.  he is the only one who ever tells merlin ‘you deserve better than this mess,’ the only one for whom merlin has always been priority number one and in whose eyes arthur isn’t even on the map.  merlin’s friendship with will (and lancelot, afterwards) is the healthiest one merlin ever gets to experience, and i wish more fannish material acknowledged it as such, as opposed to using will to set up merlin and arthur’s epic romance.  

all of this, i suppose, is just a very long way of saying that now that i am no longer avoiding spoilers and have actually started testing the waters of the wider fandom, i have come to the obstinate, utterly inflexible conclusion that will deserves his own collection of happy endings, and i don’t care if i have to write them myself.  i’ve already got the gen angle covered.  and even though i’ve never written ship!fic in my life, the fact of the matter is that spite can be a hell of a motivator, and i will bite the bullet and learn how to do it if i have to.  if people can really be out here tagging their merlin/uther fics as “schmoop” (YES. REALLY.) then by GOD, i swear, there are no excuses - this fandom can accommodate literally anything; there’s no reason it can’t accommodate stories where will wins.  let this kid have his good ending.  arthur pendragon can fall in love with merlin 23,830 times despite his and merlin’s ship flying in the face of canon, and that means will deserves his own tiny handful of stories to be actually about him, without his and merlin’s relationship being used solely as a stepping stone on the way to merlin and arthur’s 23,831st triumph.

i am just saying - if uther pendragon can fall in love with merlin and have it tagged as ‘fluff,’ then for the love of all that is good, we can give will his moment.  let will enjoy the respect he should have earned from us when he died saving both merlin and arthur’s lives.  let will be a person in his own right, instead of a plot device sacrificed to the (in)glorious altar of merthur.  let will have an inner life of his own.  let will have a best friend who doesn’t treat him like an accessory to The Greatest Love Story Ever Told.  let will himself live out The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, for once.  let will get his guy.  i may tend to focus on friendship in my own work, but there are a lot of universes out there, and when it comes to someone who has always been so alone, and so singularly focused on merlin’s wellbeing, i’m not entirely sure if friendship even feels anything different to “in love” for will at all, in at least some of these places.

let will have his happy tags.  he’s been on his own for so much of his life - let him have his simple ‘friendship’, his ‘platonic love,’ his ‘found family.’  let him have his lovestruck ‘pining,’ ‘friends-to-lovers,’ ‘angst with a happy ending,’ too, and let him keep those tags for himself.  let characters who aren’t arthur pendragon have their love stories.

i may not care much for shipping, and i would rather read gen any day of the week, but let me tell you right now, i would rather write will and merlin settling down in a haze of domestic bliss 23,830 times before i would ever want to watch merlin ditch him yet again for a dude who never matched merlin’s level of caring and investment in the canon ‘verse.

[space-queen-glados]

I just had a thought

[Spoilers for end of Season 1 onwards]

So when Jon was in his coma, he had to decide between going full monster or letting go and dying human. It has also been mentioned (I believe in Gerry's statement) that while Gertrude was also the Archivist, she didn't have (or didn't pursue) the same level of power that Jon has now (i.e., compelling people for statements, even recording the statements at all). That being said, we don't know for sure whether or not she had the same regenerative abilities Jon has, but it sounds like getting shot wouldn't be enough to take out an Archivist determined to survive. So what if Gertrude chose not to? What if she was presented with the same choice as Jon after she was shot and decided to let go?

I'm suspicious that Gertrude's unwillingness to play along with the Beholding and/or put herself in real physical danger (by throwing assistants and explosives at the other powers instead of herself) likely frustrated Elias to the point where he had to speed along her "development" by taking matters into his own hands. But when faced with the same choice as Jon, she instead chose death- thus maintaining what was left of her humanity and forcing Elias to choose a new Archivist.

Gertrude has been presented time and again as an avatar with her own agenda (going out of her way to hide things from Elias and the Beholding, straight up plotting to destroy the Institute, etc.). I think her final act of rebellion against the Eye would totally include rejecting its power and dying human, especially when the point of trying to kill her was to force her to make that choice (as I think Elias did). Gertrude is the antithesis of Jon in several aspects as she was more likely to sacrifice others to accomplish her goals, etc.- but she also rejected much of the actual power that came from being the Archivist. Since the Unknowing, Jon has developed powers that we've never seen before and is, in turn, becoming more of a monster as time goes on (we see this in the last couple of episodes where he literally feeds off of people's statements and nightmares). Gertrude, as far as we know, never came close to this level of power. She made some questionable moral decisions (like feeding Michael to the Spiral) but overall maintained her physical humanity up until, and including, her death. Gertrude got the job done on her own, without the help of the Beholding, and I think would have much rather died human than live long enough to see herself become a monster.

I think we're going to see further consequences of Jon's choice as the story unfolds (and it's so fascinating to see him both open up and act more human even while he does more monstrous things), but I really truly hope that we learn more about Gertrude's death and what else she had planned to both prevent the other rituals and take down the Institute while using as little of the Beholding's power as possible.

TL;DR I think Gertrude Robinson chose to die rather than give Elias and the Eye the satisfaction of turning her into monster. Jon, meanwhile, is riding the slippery slope into becoming totally not human and that contrast is really cool to me. Like, we think Jon is the more human of the two but Gertrude let herself die rather than give herself up to the Beholding like he did thus staying, ultimately, human. That's so cool.

[ty-talks-comics]

Best of DC: Week of September 4th, 2019

Best of this Week: DCeased: A Good Day to Die #1 - Tom Taylor, Laura Braga, Darick Robertson, Richard Friend, Trevor Scott, Rain Beredo and Saida Temofonte

This was absolutely insane from start to finish.

DCeased as an event has been dire, hopeless and gory beyond all reason and while there has been some travel to different places like Keystone City or Atlantis, most of it has been confined to Metropolis and focused on Superman, Green Canary, Jon Kent and Damian Wayne. A Good Day to Die shifts the focus to an entirely different cast of characters and how they’re dealing with the Anti-Life infection.

Starting with an amazing shot of Mister Miracle, Scott Free, and Big Barda using a Boom Tube to look at the destroyed remains of Apokalips, the book establishes just how bad things have gotten for even the worst being in existence. Darkseid is more than likely very dead. Surrounded by the White Light of safety, the couple look on share a tender kiss full of love with Scott saying that seeing Apokalips decimated debris makes him feel pretty good, like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulder, especially since there were nothing but awful memories there. One of the first themes we get here is the love that he and Barda share throughout.

Soon after, we cut to Mister Terrific conducting a myriad of test on a captured but infected Captain Boomerang. There is never a reason given for why he has Boomerang, but his studies ultimately lead nowhere as he too is stumped about how to solve this problem. What makes this interesting is that, Michael Holt is one of the smartest minds in all of the DC Universe. He has almost as many resources as Batman has with double the mind power to piece together a solution, but he’s got nothing. So he turns to the only two people that may have a first person perspective of things - Scott Free and Barda who have just returned to Earth.

Truly, the only thing that could have made this better would have been an appearance from Guy Gardner for most of a Justice League International reunion. This was alluded to by Ted when Barda first showed up and while this does get some more creedence later on, it is far more gruesome than I would have expected, but it was a fun nod to some old history.

Taylor makes one of the first of many jokes as Terrific knocks on their door, but Scott is convinced that it’s a zombie with their bloody stump until he rings the doorbell, Braga then pulls in close on Scott’s face with the most serious look with him saying, “Answer the door.” and I just couldn’t contain myself. After Barda explains that Apokalips holds no answers as it too was destroyed, we cut to Blue Beetle and Booster Gold holed up in Kord Industries office building. Ted notes that the door is made of titanium and that nothing could get through it… Until Barda gets through it. Scott and Terrific cut down the zombies with ease, allowing the group to escape to Blue Beetle’s Bug on the way to another hope!

After all of that, we venture to the wonderful land of Liverpool, England where John Constantine is being chased by hordes of the Undead and yelling at Chas to start the car. Unfortunately for him, Chas had been looking at his phone and succumbs to the virus himself, forcing John to incinerate his best mate.

Darick Robertson is the artist for these pages and he does an excellent job of drawing a crowd of zombies with bloody faces. He's even better at setting a scene in only a few panels, showing John running from them at a distance, and keeping that same shot, bringing John closer and closer as we see just how dense the horde is. John is absolutely lucky that he manages to survive. The sheer terror on his face as he runs ragged away from danger is a delight and actually makes me feel horrified for him too.

Terrific and the others save John, asking if magic might be able to help them, but John retorts in his normal snide manner that if it could, he would have done it already. Not before making fun of their superhero names, John says that he's going to wait to die while being drunk off his arse in typical fashion.

Laura Braga's art shifts between the gruesome and the beautiful so often in this book that when Scott and Varda are on screen, they stand out well amongst the drab browns and reds of the zombies. While this is mostly thanks to Rain Beredo's great use of colors in Barda's iconic dark blues and yellows as well as Scott's distinct greens, yellows and red, credit should be given for Braga's amazing posing and scene setting. Seeing Barda and Scott so in love and having it juxtaposed against impending doom is just a wonderful sight to see.

The groups efforts are further impeded when Waverider, a "time cop" comes to prevent Booster from using his time machine to save the universe. Constantine returns out of guilt in the nick of time to try to save the universe, headbutting Waverider for a distraction when ZomBarda crashes through a wall and kills Mister Terrific. This keeps Booster away for time to take its toll as Waverider tells him that Superman apparently finds the body of Barry Allen in some rubble in Keystone, causing Booster and the future to start fading away.

With little options left, Terrific places his faith in the hands of Booster Gold who still has a working time machine somewhere. Even Booster acknowledges the idiocy of that idea, but what else can they do? Booster says he left it in the hands of some trusted friends and where do we go? Malibu! The home of Fire and Ice, the other two members of the JLI as mentioned earlier! Unfortunately for Mister Terrific’s team, both Fire and Ice lost the fight against the hordes and succumbed to the infection themselves. Seeing no other option and quickly being overcome, Scott and Barda sacrifice themselves so that the others may escape. They share one last kiss before getting completely overwhelmed.

I actually almost teared up as I tend to do when things involve Booster and Beetle. Booster Gold and Blue Beetle have the most adorable bromance in the history of comics and watching Ted frantically try to calm his dissipating friend is nothing but heartbreaking. Booster apologizes to Ted that he'll never know him and it's almost too much, even in this series.

The biggest and best change here is John's unwillingness to let this universe fall. John's never been one for superheroics, but seeing just how close Terrifics team came to actually having something of a solution and knowing that he could have been a great help makes Constantine see that the world can still be saved.

DCeased has me far more involved at this point than I ever expected. Even if it's not a canon story, I really do feel for each character in it. This particular spin off is even better because it has some of my favorite characters and shows just how they'd deal with a rapid zombie infection. Tom Taylor must have been reading old issues of Justice League of America/International because he captured some of the essence that made that series so hilarious with great characterizations and gags.

Laura Braga's art stuns by being every bit as violent as Trevor Hairsine's on the main book while also being very distinct from it with thick lines, excellent facial expressions and good backgrounds. Her cities feel desolate, even with zombies roaming the streets and the way she drew Blue Beetle's Bug brought me back to my love for the character and the wackiness of the vehicle.

Things just tumble down from there as Ted allows himself to be infected and Constantine keeps Waverider locked in place so that he has to face the consequences of what he's allowed to happen. Ted kills Waverider just as Doctor Fate and Zatanna show up to try and rescue Constantine.

I really hope that this spin off continues to every part of the DC Universe and that even when the main series is over there will still be more stories to tell. Like Marvel Zombies, there's a lot of ground that can be covered and it can't just be contained to a six issue miniseries. I mean, it can to avoid oversaturation, but I love this so far.

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 8 - Meat Page 41

==>

Okay, Dirk’s gonna monologue about, like... acknowledging his villainy without realizing it I guess?

And if I didn’t bother pursuing those goals, and thereby tacitly accepting the untold suffering that resulted from my inaction, wouldn’t that make me a bad person? If I try and succeed, I’m a hero, right? And if I try and fail, at least I made things interesting on my way to the grave. There would be a tragic nobility in that. And the way I see it, settling for anything less from my arc would be, frankly, pathetic.

So yeah, of course I know I “have to be stopped.” It’s part of the contract. What you sign up for when you assume the burdens of this sort of power. Where there is that which must be subdued and suborned for the greater good, there is that which will instinctively resist. That which intuits that whatever’s going on here is “wrong.” Otherwise, intervention wouldn’t even be necessary, would it?

Yeah, the Heroic and Just death parameters I outlined in the Ultimate Riddle post pretty clearly line up here that he’s fucking shit over in a way he refuses to truly believe is going to end up in his Just demise even if he knows it on some level.  Fucking over everyone’s wills like that?  Fuck you.

Only worthless people permit themselves the great luxury of a valorous sacrifice. 

JUST.  FUCKING.  DEATH.

Mhmm, he knows he’s going to get fucking owned.  Just a little sooner than he thought, I’d reckon.

...geez, I’m going to forget to fucking EAT again today if this epilogue goes on much longer.  Maybe I’ll have to blog the Candy part, like, tomorrow or something.  If I can convince myself to SLEEP instead of reading more, that is.

==>

Thank God all the manipulation is reversing itself.  Keep playing into it and letting it happen you pompous ass, Dirk, it was inevitable.

Couldn’t pay me to be in that room right now. Not for all the agency in the world.

Yeah, agency is the word.  Dirk is aiming for infinite agency at the expense of everyone else’s.  His God-Tier powers crush others’ individuality and let him puppeteer them instead, and it’s what he’s been using all along to manipulate the situation in this story.

they will know what to do, when they are ready.

On the one hand, thanks alt!Callie.  On the other, seriously fuck you alt!Callie for taking Jade out of the story AAAAGAAAAAIN.  D:<

neither she nor her friends will have to worry about him anymore, so long as they remain on this planet and under my protection.

Um, that was phrased ominously potentially.

huddled on the floor, she repeats this pledge to herself. theoretically, he could be stopped before he leaves, if they hurried. they would need to know what to do, where to go, and to have the motivation to do it, but time is short. i could push them to, with a certain degree of intervention, but i will not. my unwillingness to do so is what separates me from him. and what corporeal life needs now is someone presiding over them who is nothing like him at all.

FUCK YES, PRESERVE THE WILL OF THE CHARACTERS INSTEAD OF TURNING IT ALL INTO YOUR OWN FANFIC YOU BEAUTIFUL CHERUB

Also, thought that occurred to me at the end of this page... did Dirk potentially arrange John’s death here to keep his retcon powers from being able to stop him?

==>

Epilogue Eight

Okay I’m churning through this all pretty quickly now that there isn’t a bunch of hyperdense prose in the way.  Excellent conversation between characters, furthering the plot along while engaging in very understandable hilarity.

KARKAT: TELL HER TO REGISTER MY HEAVING BULGE AS A PRIORITY!!!!!

Wonk

I don’t THINK I’m reading this any faster than usual, but it FEELS like I am? Maybe because of the format, or maybe I really AM reading it faster to get to Dirk’s fucking comeuppance as fast as goddamn possible.

Pfff, cosplaying as Dave.

KARKAT: WOW! THE WOKEMASTER IS ON FUCKING FIRE FOLKS! HE’LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT!!!

I love this whole conversation

ROXY: awwwwwww ROXY: u boys cute :)

<3

Alright, Jane doesn’t kno-- wait, you’re not looping her in on this?  I thought she’d join in and get, like, a redemptive character arc.  Oh well, lesstimespentonthatthebetterhurryupandkickDirk’sass

Wait, so Roxy didn’t know John wasn’t coming back?  Calliope did though???

Is the only reason Dirk took Terezi along to keep her from giving them info, or... no, he said MORE of them would eventually come, what the fuck is he even planning?

they will believe they are on a quest to retrieve a wife and rescue a friend. but they will discover their true mission is of much greater cosmic significance than they imagined. the seer is firmly in the thrall of the prince and will not easily be pried away. and as regards the heir, though resuscitation remains a theoretical possibility for those still striving for it, the truth of his role is it has reached a greater sense of narrative finality than any of his allies will bring themselves to admit. his influence over canon has come to an end, as has this particular story. his ultimate sacrifice was made to put the missing keystone in place and avert the supreme dissipation of all that shall be considered to hold truth, relevance, and essentiality.

...Huh.

Okay, so they MIGHT have to accidentally create Paradox Space, and regardless by stopping Dirk they’ll be guaranteeing agency as a right to those who live both within and without the confines of... whatever existence even is anymore.

......This ship chase through Paradox Space of cosmic significance sounds disturbingly familiar to old pictures I used to verbally paint about the endgame, and I refuse to think about that idea further.

And we’re returning to black text, from the sound of what alt!Callie is saying.  Let’s do that.

==>

POSTSCRIPT?!?????

POSTSCRIPT?  P O S T S C R I P T?!??!?!??!?!??

IS THIS FUCKING OVER OR SOMETHING? IS THIS NOT GETTING RESOLVED WHAT THE FLYING FUCK AAA OKAY CALM DOWN CALM DOWN BOOTS AND READ

fuck my stomach’s clenching up again oh god

artillery what the fuck

aradia okay

WWWWHAT THE FUCK SIXTEEN YEAR OLD JADE WHAT

JADE FROM THE BLACK HOLE GOT SPIT OUT HERE OR

OKAY WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN GOING ON HERE BLACK EYES AND SHE’S A MURDER MACHINE OKAY WHAT

WHAT IS ALL THIS BULLSHIT WHY IS AN ANGSTY DARKJADE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE ALTCALLIE CONTROLLED DOING FLASHY BULLSHIT

“no being has ever commanded before” WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEA-- OH SHIT IS IT LIKE BLACK HOLE ABILITIES

LIKE, FUCKING, BLACK HOLE INSTEAD OF THE GREEN SUN ABILITIES NOW TIED TO HER AND SHES BEEN CONTROLLED BY ALT!CALLIE LONG ENOUGH TO GET HERE OR WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO JADE YOU FUCKING STORY GET OUT OF HERE

davebot.  why a davebot?  davebot.

I’m feeling fucking sick.  Okay what’s about to happen.

Okay so this Dave is like from some other timeline split and got botsaved or something sure whatever

okay some of the others are going off into this... “OTHER UNIVERSE???” too???? or other paradox space or some fucking bullshit???

also scrolling up i missed “Jade was sixteen years old when she showed up, and she doesn’t look a day older now, though many hundreds of days have passed” o kay are these ghosts???

Oh FUCK I CAN BREATHE

i can breathe again

fuck, these are like

im guessing these are... other ghosts or former-ghosts or basically everyone that huddled into the black hole, and aradias there because of course or something, this isnt dirk having won and reached his place or whatever

this is the jade alt who fell into the black hole and must have died hence her perpetually-young look, and now that shes in the black hole she has access to black hole powers

REAL JADE is FUCKING FINE

breathe boots breathe god damnit

okay reading, uh

a-all the action that matters f fuck i dsee the end of the page what thej fuck s how oculd it enduhyere kanaya has an enddless chase for her ff-fucking wife or while she’s being mind-raped by dirk orasdf jklfdk adn dshes gonan be in a stupdi metal body or

im really

really gonna need that candy after this

reading that last few paragraphs SHIT

yeah aradias going to go where all the exciting shit is happening in this new... black... hole... adox space or whatever, or wherever this is or

Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

And... that’s the final line between Canon and Non-Canon.  Or whatever terms.

Andrew’s done.  The story’s done.  Everything else about their journey is for the imagination alone.  Did they save Rose from Dirk taking her through a portal or whatever to whichever Dirkverse he was conjuring up or whatever theory bullshit i REALLY DONT WANT TO THINK OF OR THEORIZE ABOUT EVEN EVER about what the fuck dirk was trying to pull with all this SHHHHITT!!!!!!!??//?

I... christ.  I need that Candy section.  And I need a drink.  Fuck this I was gonna break for dinner but I’m continuing once I get a beer.  I’m sweating and unhappy.  Like I should be after eating this many pages of raw meat, shouldn’t I?

Next post will be Candy 1 once I confirm that there’s nothing else I’m missing, no other part of this portion to save me from wanting to vomit in an entirely anxious and non-beer-related way.

Fuck.