#ugh i hate those guys (affectionate)

[lazycranberrydoodles]

hua cheng's patience: infinite

hua cheng's impulse control: zero

[mishellii]

♢ᴘᴇᴛ ɴᴀᴍᴇꜱ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ♢

naruto, sasuke, shikamaru, kiba, shino, neji, iruka & kakashi

a/n: sooo,, i SHOUld be working on my uni essays and on the bf!neji texts BUT this had been sitting in my notes app for a while so i decided to post it ;D (the neji texts will come soon i promise). some are longer, some are shorter for which i apologise,,,,,, please ignore typos, i can't spell & enjoy MWUAH

likes & reblogs appreciated <3

warnings: some NSFW parts! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! :) also not proofread as usual

masterlist

♢ɴᴀʀᴜ��ᴏ ᴜᴢᴜᴍᴀᴋɪ♢

✿oh my baby boy

❀first off: angel. 100%.

✿because u are his angel u feel me

❀he can't go a day without telling u

✿then also just the basic baby

❀but mostly when he wants something from u or he's apologising for dumb stuff he's done

✿puppy eyes and all

❀and also during sexy time

✿it's his most used name for u there

✿fight me on this

❀big on his own self made nicknames for u

✿for instance: u fell down the stairs once?

❀"hey, stairs, how you doin'"

✿and just silly ones like: boo, pookie, apple of my eye

❀he's weird like that c'mon we been knew

♢ꜱᴀꜱᴜᴋᴇ ᴜᴄʜɪʜᴀ♢

✿now this guy is a wild card

❀he'd prefer ur name through & through

✿but he'd slip in a casual babe sometimes which makes ur knees weak obviously

❀because he barely ever calls u that

✿if ur married he'd only call you his wife

❀doesn't even let you answer questions on your own sometimes just so he can hit them with

❀"well, MY WIFE, thinks you suck ass, so.."

✿during sex he can be quiet mean 

❀I DONT THINK in the derogatory way but more in a teasing way

✿"c'mon, sweetheart, look at me."

❀when ur just about to black out??

✿but like i said 

❀not big on pet names but he'll use them more often if he knows u enjoy it <3

♢ꜱʜɪᴋᴀᴍᴀʀᴜ ɴᴀʀᴀ♢

✿pretty

❀just pretty bro.

✿not ALL THE TIME, especially not in public as i don't think he's big on PDA

❀but in the comfort of ur own 4 walls? definitely

✿now don't HATE ME for this but,,,

❀woman. and brat.

✿but only in petty situations, like when ur scolding his lazy ass and he hits u with a "go easy on me, woman, i just woke up."

❀or u've been going on his nerves while he's working

✿,,i'm busy, brat.''

❀in bed tho???

✿love or doll

❀i'm almost CERTAIN.

✿like,, can u imagine?? in his dumb fucking charming voice ???

❀PFFF i'm on my knees 

♢ᴋɪʙᴀ ɪɴᴜᴢᴜᴋᴀ♢

✿now this fucker

❀teasing names through & through

✿ur shorter than him? 

❀"hey, shortie, need help?"

✿ur taller than him?

❀"hey, giant, how's the weather up there?"

✿he's a DICK ok (affectionately ofc)

❀but he can be sweet too i promise

✿he's having fun with calling u bunny during sex or simply baby 

❀also ???? "okay, boss." when he's been annoying u all day and u finally snap at him?

✿he's a menace with nicknames i'm telling u

♢ꜱʜɪɴᴏ ᴀʙᴜʀᴀᴍᴇ♢

✿you probably guessed it and bully me if you'd like but,,,

❀bug or lovebug

✿come oooon he loves his bugs AND he loves you?? it fits PERFECTLY

❀not one to do it infront of other people either but in your private space he just wouldn't stop calling you one of these

✿i also see him using the regular honey but the abbreviation so hun because it's short and sweet and he doesn't like those long ass names

❀apologies if ur name is long LMAO mine is too tho

✿takes the hun into the bedroom but prefers a gentle love while having sex

❀shino's not a sweet talker in my mind, but the pet names make up for it FOSHOU

✿ALSO big brain idea i just had:

❀i think shino can't fully express his emotions verbally so before going on missions he definitely writes u letters and that's where he's blooming

✿''u keep me going everyday, sunshine.''

❀and it doesn't even matter if you have a bubbly personality or not

✿UGH lovesick fr

♢ɴᴇᴊɪ ʜʏᴜɢᴀ♢

❀this pretty princess doesn't even know ur name when ur alone with him 

✿ESPECIALLY when ur texting

❀sweetheart, love & darling

✿he'd make u fall in love over again whenever he calls u one of those i'm just saying

❀because he's always so sincere when he's talking to u it drives me crazy just thinking about it 

✿during sexy time too, he would NEVER

❀& i will die on this hill 

✿NEVER use any degrading names for u

❀ur his baby don't make him do that

✿even when ur fighting, he'd always address u in such a kind way i'm actually going insane

❀"have you had dinner yet, dear?"

✿ sedate me pls

♢ɪʀᴜᴋᴀ ᴜᴍɪɴᴏ♢

✿AAA this guy

❀soo,, like father like son,,, angel

✿u can't change my mind

❀being the kind hearted person he is, it just fits u can't tell me off

✿but i will also say he'd use some funny ones in private because we all know he's just a silly lil guy deep inside

❀i'm thinking toots & peach

✿especially when greeting u !! like ''ey, toots, how's it going?''

❀during sex he will be quiet awkward at the start of ur relationship, settling in angel as he's most familiar with it at first

✿but after some time he'd pull a babydoll or gorgeous on u

❀i mean,,, i'd cry but idk about y'all

✿oVERALL he loves using pet names and wouldn't be opossed to u calling him some sweet ones as well <3

❀call him handsome and he'll go through the roof

♢ᴋᴀᴋᴀꜱʜɪ ʜᴀᴛᴀᴋᴇ♢

✿AHEM

❀so this man,,

✿at the start of ur relationship he's such a shy lil bean so he'll only use your first name

❀but once he's been with you long enough he gets so so comfortable

✿starts of with the regular baby because u are his baby aight.

❀his most frequently used one too i'd say

✿but then he'd go like 

❀"hey, beautiful." "y'alright, sweetheart?"

✿and idk about u but i'd faint

❀HE KNOWS ABOUT HIS AFFECT ON U TOO

✿uses it against u during sex SO OFTEN

❀grunting a "there y'go, darling." into your ear with a sly smirk on his lips 

✿i'm (s)creaming

❀but he's a very private person so don't expect too much of that in public !!

✿a side from a "yes, ma'am" when u tell him not to die on a mission <3

a/n: i hope this doesn't SUCK ahemm,,, and i'll see you beans next time bye bye x

devider by @enchanthings

[jungwnies]

syn ' a-z safe for work for enhypen's jake pairing ' bf!jake x gn!reader

very much clearly he's my bias >.>

a ⋆ affection - how affectionate are they?

guys

guys guys guys

he is so affectionate

words cannot even explain it

he is so physical

and he is so verbal

always tells you how much he loves you

and he will always tell you how much he loves you

it's nothing new

he loves showing you and telling you how much he cares and loves you

b ⋆ bonding - how often do they bond with you?

always

even when he's away

he's always bonding with you

it's just who he is

building connections with you 24/7

c ⋆ communication - do they keep in touch with you when they're away?

yes of course

he always texts you

always calls you

texts you good morning

and goodnight

and promises he'll be back soon

and he definitely is back soon

d ⋆ dates - how often do they set up a date for you two?

honestly not all the time

when he has time for you

he would much rather prefer it at home

and in an intimate setting

he loves being cuddled up with you

i can't even tbh

e ⋆ essential - what is the thing that is important to them?

obviously layla

and you

and his family

god he values those around him so much

he will do anything for them

even though he gets annoyed or mad sometimes

nothing will change how much he cares about the people in his life

his heart is big okay he has a BIG HEART 😭

f ⋆ friends - how did the friendship start?

honestly i can see you guys as school friends

like you guys some of the same classes

but in one specific class you guys are seated next to each other

and you guys get super close because you're forced to do projects together and stuff

and from there you guys just started talking about other people in school and eventually talking about your own drama

and the friendship blossomed from so much innocence

so sweet ugh

he's that best friend every high schooler wants bro

g ⋆ gross - what is the thing he hates in your relationship?

he hates when you guys are ignoring each other

he's one to talk things out but when he's super upset he likes to distance himself

but he hates that

he hates not being able to talk to you about something when you guys are arguing

and especially when you guys were just friends

whenever you would beef he would be so sad

because he always had so much to tell you :c

h ⋆ hugs - do they like hugs? how do they feel?

he loves them omg?

his hugs are so big and comforting

the way his arms wrap around your torso

the way he nuzzles his head into the crook of your shoulder?

it's just so comforting and sweet

you can never get enough

always kisses you when you guys hug too

even if it's just a kiss on the top of the head

or a real kiss

okay anyways

i ⋆ intercourse - how are they during intercourse?

i think jake knows what he's doing

like when it comes to the actual

thing

but when it comes to foreplay

he's a little confused ???

he's good with his mouth too

but that's for another time >>>

j ⋆ jealousy - how jealous do they get?

he's so jealous

he holds you closer

kisses you longer

literally side-eyes anyone who glances at you

but he's not too crazy

he sulks about it sometimes

it's so cute LMFAO

k ⋆ kiss - how good are they at kissing?

like i said

he's good with his mouth

so obviously

he's good at kissing

l ⋆ love - how do they show their love to you?

physical touch

and quality time

you have no idea how much this boy

loves spending time with you

it's definitely one of his love languages

he will give anything up just to have time with you

m ⋆ mad - how often do you argue?

not often to be honest

he doesn't like arguing with you

but when you guys do argue

its usually quickly resolved

but there are those few times where it goes on

and turns into silent treatment

n ⋆ naughty - how do they deal with you annoying them?

he just does

he thinks you're cute

too cute to get annoyed with

plus he's annoying too

he's very clingy

o ⋆ open - how often do they open up to you?

he's so open with you

you are literally his best friend

so obviously he is always spilling tea with you

and telling you all his problems

you're his rock

p ⋆ pet names - how are they with pet names?

prince(ss), babe, baby, sweetie, love

big on baby, prince(ss), and love though

he loves using those on you

and when you call him pretty & baby

it makes his knees buckle

q ⋆ quiet - silent treatment?

sometimes he does give it to you

and sometimes you give it to him

but it makes him so sad

like he will really cry about this

he hates it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

r ⋆ ramble - how often do they talk about you to others?

not often to be honest

he just talks about your dates and stuff

but he doesn't brag

he's not a bragger

except for that one time you-

s ⋆ soft - how soft are they to you?

oh he's so soft

he's the softest bro

literally golden retriever energy

t ⋆ think - what reminds them of you?

music

music will always trigger

memories for him

memories he has with you

makes him miss you so so so much

u ⋆ unhappy - what makes them break if you break up with them?

i think like i said the memories he has with you

every good and happy moment is shared with you

and the fact you were able to bond with layla too?

the way that would break him

cus layla would whine whenever she had a whiff of your perfume /cologne

the way it lingers in his house :c

v ⋆ vacation - how are they with long distance relationships?

he’s not the best

but he’s not the worst

i think he is really good at maintaining that connection with you

he’s a great texter when it comes to you

w ⋆ wholesome - the sweetest thing they ever did to you?

when he didn’t tell you he was coming home from tour a whole day early

and surprised you at home after your shift

with your favorite food

your favorite snacks/candy

just the sweetest boy

and he brought layla over 😟

x ⋆ extra headcanon

jake was very scared you wouldn’t like layla

or layla wouldn’t like you

but when he saw layla immediately get attached to you

he basically was ready to commit to you

literally get down on one knee and marry you bro

y ⋆ young and beautiful - (how long does it last?)

i feel like a lot of his relationships tend to be short lived

but some are also really long

i think once he matures and grows up he starts to be more into the long term relationships

z ⋆ zzz - how do they sleep with you?

he loves having you on his chest

or he loves being the little spoon

he feels so safe in your arms

he falls asleep almost immediately with you

kisses you goodnight always

and while he’s nuzzled up in your neck leaves the softest kisses all over

and whispers sweet nothings in your ear until you are he falls asleep :(

2022 © jungwnies thanks for reading! reblogs & likes are appreciated!

[eustasskidagenda]

hello im so excited that your ask box is open and youre taking requests! i dont request things often, so this might be a but of a weird concept, and i apologize if its too detailed. however the idea literally wont leave me alone. orz;;

maybe eustass kid has a crush on a somewhat reserved reader whose slow to open up and he hasnt quite realized thats what hes feeling until they stop on an island and meet readers childhood friend. they show a whole new side of themself with said friend by laughing openly, making stupid jokes, being much more physically affectionate. basically reader acts close with an old friend and kid gets jealous about it.

i dont mind if you do a oneshot, drabble, or headcanon, im just curious about your thoughts on this :3 thank you so much and i hope you have a great day!

Hello dear anon! Sure, I'm always happy to write for my pookie. It was fun to write, and it makes me smile a bit because Kid is such a mess, I love this angry tulip. Hope it will match your expectations. ☆

☆Kid with a s/o slow to open up

CW : g/n reader, a bit of cursing but fluff overall

WC : 700

Kid has always been loud. Whenever he's angry, he needs to shoot at someone. What can he say? His heart is filled with emotions, boiling and exploding like a thousand sparks. That's why you're a mystery. Always calm. Not letting others know what's on your mind. What makes you so quiet? He can't tell. 

Just like the moon and the sun, you are polar opposites. And yet, as the sun always chases the moon, he's always looking after you. And he's everything, but not discreet. Asking loudly for almost all of his crew what they think about you and why you are so reserved. 

Sure, he's used to introverted folks. Killer is one of them. But here's the difference: he can second-guess every word, thought, and breath of his best friend. He could probably achieve all of his sentences. And even through the mask, Kid could also guess the exact expression on Killer's face. 

Killer, who is likely aware that Kid has a small crush on you.

Kid is genuinely frustrated. Loudly frustrated, obviously. He needs to feel in control of everything and hates when he doesn’t have a full-understanding. Usually, he fails to notice reserved people because he's taking all the attention. But there's something about you: your slight smiles, the flash in your eyes, the way you're always listening to others but never talk about yourself. He can't tell why, but it keeps his mind alert. 

Perhaps you pose a bit of a challenge. Kid would never give two flying fucks about you if you were easy to see through. He's always looking after you because you're still a mystery. Sure, at the beginning, it was just to try to figure out who you really are. But now, it turned into something bigger. He hasn't noticed it yet, that’s all. Kid sucks with feelings. Feelings are actually something he hates because they make him feel weak. It puts his loved one in danger. Showing your weaknesses to enemies is a foolish move, Kid knows that perfectly.

However, everything is about to change. He decided to stop on that island for the day. For the first time, you asked to avoid robbery or harming anyone around. 

"Ugh, we're pirates, y/n" Kid doesn't want to look like a nice guy. He's a tough, rude pirate. He has a reputation to uphold. For him, the only good way to open a path is by violent means. Kindness? For what? If he's still alive today, it's because he toughened up and decided to never show mercy to anyone. 

"Fine, fine, I won't kill those people." Heavy sighs. But he wants to understand. He needs to understand. And finally, he's about to understand. 

Because suddenly, you're smiling heartily and running towards those scumbag strangers. What. The. Fuck. It's like seeing the sun after an eternity of blizzards and grey clouds. You're a bright light, a true sunshine. A burst of joy. You're joking, laughing, talking, and talking a lot. You never said more than two sentences in front of him, and now you're chatting endlessly with those strangers and hugging all of them. 

He's pissed off. Are those random people with terrible sense of style and ugly make-up better than him? The great Eustass "Captain" Kid? No way. 

"Guys, here's my captain, Kid. Kid, here are my childhood best friends."

Kid's face is a mess of angry scowls and boiling with frustration when they say hello. Why aren't you smiling as warmly when you're with him? Why is his heart pounding so hard, almost painfully in his chest? And damn, is it the cold or are his cheeks completely red? 

Poor Kid is both flushed and flustered. His first reflex is always exploding when he feels something. "Do you have a problem with me?" Barking through gritted teeth. 

He's ruining the happy-shitty mood and he doesn't care. 

So now, try to explain that you don't have a problem with him. Good luck, he's very stubborn. But once he's more or less calmed (because he's still pissed off), he still can't understand why his heart is racing at the sight of your soft, warm smile.

He wants to see that side of you more often. He wants to be part of those privileged people allowed to know the real you.

Yes, maybe he has a crush on you.

[blossoming-mind-palace]

Tang Bo SFW Alphabet

Warnings: Non besides alcohol, but there's plenty of that in his story so I'm sure you expected that. Also he's probably ooc... I finished the Tang's arc in the novel version to get a better grasp of his character and I still feel iffy about writing him. :(

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Can be VERY clingy behind closed doors or when drunk. Likes to use words of affirmation and acts of service.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

We kinda know this one since he’s besties with Chung Myung lmao. It’d start in an unconventional way, and he’d probably tease/bully you more since you’re not stronger than him like Chung Myung.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Likes laying his head on your chest or lap while you enjoy each other company in comfortable silence.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

When he gets older? Absolutely. I feel like he’d be a cooking god since he’s good at making poisons and medicines. He’s know the right amount of seasonings to use even though he eyeballs everything. He’d be a little messy, but not disgusting. He likes to say his home looks “lived in”.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Ugh, I hate this one. Bluntly and to their face without leading them on. Is transparent with them so they know it’s coming. Isn’t going to be an ass about it unless they wronged him in some sort of way.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Like I said, during his old age he’d want to settle down, and I can see him being in a committed relationship/married by then. Definitely a slow and steady kind of guy. Will date for a good while before popping the question.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

His teasing can sometimes go too far. Either tease him back or communicate your feelings towards him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

I feel like he's touch starved after being isolated for so long, so he's a big hug fan. Does it more often when he's older because he gets more sentimental and wants his s/o to know that they're love and appreciated.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not fast at all. He wants to be 100% certain that he loves someone before confessing.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Gets jealous easily, but doesn't lash out at his s/o. Might sneak poison into someone's food if they're being too flirty with them.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

They vary. Sometimes, they're short and playful, like a peck on the cheek/neck as he passes by. Other times, he wants to savor the moment and show how much he loves you via kisses on the lips. I feel like neck kisses are his favorite to give, but idk why. That one is just the vibe he gives me.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Didn't care much for them when he was younger, but he's gotten soft during his old age. He's great with little ones, and is surprisingly good at getting them to take their meds. Knows all of the tricks to get them to take it orally, and if he has to apply an ointment or something that might sting, he's great at distracting them. You know those videos of doctors distracting babies while giving them vaccines and they don't react to the shot at all? That's him.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He loves quiet/lazy mornings. He isn't a morning person, so don't try to hold a conversation with him during the first hour or so of him being awake. If you try to converse with him, he'll get snappy. Just a simple "good morning" and nothing else is fine.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He gives me the vibe of someone who stays up all night while fixating on their interests. Probably experiments instead of sleeping.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Plays it safe and waits. The kind of guy to confess after he's known you for a long time and is 100% certain that he's in love. Would try dropping hints and taking things slow, but if you're oblivious, he'll reveal everything.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Pretty easily, but he's not as bad as Chung Myung. Also got into a lot of fights.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

When it comes to you, his memory is so good it's almost unsettling. Like wdym you remember what I ate for dinner 26 days ago? Absolutely remembers everything about you and ever little detail you mention in passing. Bro might be obsessed.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He got into a fight, but had you patch him up. He told you how to treat him, and you spoiled him afterward. He loves getting pampered by you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Pretty protective. Even if you insist that you can handle yourself in a fight, he's still keeping a close eye on you. If your openent suddenly falls over and dies while you're fighting and you didn't land a finishing blow, it was him. You don't even need to see his daggers. You know that it's him every single time.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

The energy he gives depends on what you want. If you want a stay-at-home date where you do little to nothing, he'll do that. I feel like those would be his favorite, anyway, since he's a bit of a loner. Bro has two favorite people and would rather spend at home with them instead of going out.

If you wanted to go out and do something special, he'll put the effort in. Puts a lot of thought into the activities you guys would do and makes sure it's something you'll love. He has this same energy towards gifts.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Being too blunt or taking his teasing too far.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Decently concerned. He's not super concerned, but he doesn't go out looking like a slob, either. He's already pretty (and young for his age), so it's not like he needs to do much to look good.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

After knowing and being with you for years, yes. He'd get uncomfortably quiet for a long period of time and prone to lashing out. After mourning, he'd still think about you every day and subconsciously brings you up in conversations often.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He has a higher spice tolerance than his best friend.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Hypocrites and people who refuse to admit that they're wrong during an argument/won't reducate themselves. Ignorance isn't bliss when Tang Bo is around because he will fight someone like that with no hesitation.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Sleeps like a corpse. Sleeps like a log. He's freaked a couple of people out because when he's in a deep sleep, he seriously looks dead to the world. :)

Also, don't wake him up. He is the crankiest man in the world and will bite whoever disrupts his blissful slumber.

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[minipisi-is-dumb]

idk y'all but the whole "saiki does not fall in love because of his powers if you take them away he would be normal" and similar variations of those arguments against aroace saiki headcanons (which. why do you feel so attacked for a hc that you need to bend canon in weird ways to justify ships that make no sense) make me so uncomfortable bc they feel just like when people say that ppl who are aspec wouldn't be aspec if they weren't ND or traumatized or mentally ill or whatever similar.

like ok nobody knows if me being ND is what makes me aspec or trans or what but i know i AM regardless. also you can't fucking separate my neurodivergency from me that's not how it works i am not a separated person from it IT LITERALLY CHANGES NY BRAIN STRUCTURE but whatever

wether you see saiki as autistic, gifted (i know i do lmao), both or any other type of ND you cannot deny the man's got HEAVY coding, and that coding comes along with his powers

like if you have watched the show you would 100% get it but the guy is so ND is actually pathetic (affectionate) and part of the feeling of separation is enhanced by him being a literal psychic whose powers work as an extension of his symptoms (the whole "i can hear every thought in a 200km ratio and it physically exhausts me to not be able to filter thoughts" is such a latent inhibition deficit MOOD okay)

so what if he's aspec because of his power/neurodivergency? does that mean he's less aspec? that his experiences in the show are less real? nah they're not

and I'm not saying this all because ooooo having a pink hair anime guy aroace in fan communities is so important oooooo but more like. the entire reasoning of people invalidating it all. like the mentality and the obsession with shipping him just bc he's the protagonist. that type of invalidation can pass onto real life stuff

like ive lived good ol aphobia and dismissal of me being ND going together, not always but truly a handful so that this entire thought process pisses me off but ugh whatever works are stupid everything is stupid is not like anyone who ships saiki in generic romcom style while hating on any and all aspec hc of him are even gonna care that a lot of their arguments instead of being "nah i just don't personally interpret him like that death of the author or whatever" go to "he is actually NOT because his POWERS ARE TO BLAME that he doesn't see people he just sees their bones because of XRAY and he doesn't like kokomi because he READS HER THOUGHTS!!!!!" like have anyone in this app heard what a metaphor is

eh whatever im tired i just wanted to get it off my chest i need to cook my dinner n rewatch the show

[pianocat939]

Maybe it’s me shipping Donnie and Mona (wheres my IDW fans at !) would it be ok to request Yandere 12 Donnie and rise Donnie falling for mutant lizard reader ? (You can chose what type of lizard she can be ~) love to see what u come up with !

I chose Argentine Black and White Tegu bcs I love Tegus so much-

Tw: 2012 Donnie was being dumb about food and spits it out cuz he hates it-, mention of kidnapping, 2012 Donnie becomes delusional at some point-, Rise Donnie tries to control diet (not like proportions but food groups)

2012 Donald

Honestly, the initial development of obsession isn't much different, other than that he'll try to learn everything about your species' biology and behaviours. (DO NOT SEARCH UP B+W TEGU COURTSHIP HABITS)

From there he'll try to woo you using said courtship habits- except the one thing that's cursed.

He doesn't notice this, but he starts decorating things in a black and white pattern- hell- bro might make his newest inventions tegu-themed rather than turtle-themed.

Fun fact: Tegus are one of the more affectionate reptiles. And he will use it to his advantage. If you show him too much friendliness he'll become delusional and think you like him back a bit.

Since Tegus loves meat and fruits, he'll try to eat more meat/fruits to seem like "a worthy dude to date" type shit. Istg you could literally see him eating those foods way more than he usually does all of the sudden.

The biggest thing is he'll try to use your biology to get you to like him while doing his other yan behaviours ofc.

"Hey, Y/n!" Donnie greets, eating a bowl of some food.

"Hey. What are you eating?" They mutter as they lean over a bit to peer down into the bowl. Their tongue flicks in-and-out a bit, expressing that they're comfortable in their current environment.

"Oh haha-" He chuckles confidently, perhaps even cockily, "Just some chicken and mango." He eats another spoonful of the food, trying his absolute best to look cool in front of his crush.

The lizard mutant raises an eyebrow muscle in confusion, "Isn't that...An odd food combination for you?" They notice he grimaces just the slightest bit when the food touches his mouth.

"Nah~ I'm enjoying this a lot! It's the perfect sweet and salty~" Internally he was gagging, he did not like this combination. But he lived with it, all in hopes the Tegu in front of him would seem him as a more appealing guy.

"Ok, whatever you say, dude." They walk off, heading to where Mikey was to see what crazy ideas he was up to.

As soon as they were out of eyesight, Donnie opened his mouth to let the food that was sitting in his mouth be spat out again. "Ugh...I should have picked a better combination..."

——————————————————

Rise Diana

Again not super different in terms of the initial yan development. But, there are a few differences.

I think the biggest thing is when you're shedding. He is more protective and is careful no one disturbs the process (unless if you actually request help). If he's kidnapped you, then he'll force you to soak in a tub that he's made- (nothing weird ofc).

He's also very strict about you eating foods that are strictly similar to your Tegu diet. Sure he makes a few exceptions, but he's pretty pushy about having you eat food groups pertained to your animal part's biology. (Ex. no dairy)

Similar to 2012 Donnie he'll try to do SOME of the courtship things, but only if he's comfortable with them. Because he is not as desperate as 2012 Donnie is. (Sorry I had to say it) But- he will try his own methods more to get you to like him.

His favourite thing to do is give you small little metalwork gifts with a Tegu theme. And perhaps a turtle and Tegu with hearts around them.

Overall, much tamer in terms of differences compared to 2012 Donnie. He's just strict about following your biology make-up (without it being too weird to the human world ofc. You're not completely feral lmao)

Donnie was in his lab, creating a gift for his beloved with his metalwork skills. He was currently creating a small key chain, with a tegu and turtle sitting by side with a big heart above them as a charm for the key chain. He did the metalwork, and he could probably paint it himself, but he wanted it to be perfect, so he'll ask his brother, Mikey to do it for him.

"Hm...The shape is still not satisfactory." He mumbles to himself as he tweaks the shape of the turtle's head. This was a gift for his dear, and he ensured himself he needed it to be perfect, and that's what he'll serve.

He could already imagine their little tongue flicking in joy when he presents it to them. As his work was nothing short but absolute perfection. He always found their tongue-flicking adorable, not that he would outwardly admit it though.

"Dearest love of mine, I hope you love my admiration for you." He whispers to himself, trying to hype himself up for the time he would gift them the key chain.

And what more couldn't be cuter than a reptile couple?

——————————————————

Yay- I got this done under an hour-

I heart B+W Tegus so much.

- Celina

[silent-raven13]

The Punks meet Sunflowers!

Gwen having a conversation with three popular Hobies, the punks!: I'm surprised ya'll come here so often? I thought you hated being part of Spider Society.

Hobie 138c let one of his dreads drip over his face with an amusing chuckle: We do!

Hobie 138d with blond spike shouted out loud being the loud one in the group: Fuck yeah we do! We just tryin' to cause Mayhem!

Hobie 138e the quiet one with box braids and a bandana around his forehead to pull back his braid: And we wanted to see our Sunflower!

Gwen: OHHH! -she thought it was cute at the Hobies all being bashful thinking about Miles-

The three were happily fantasying about hugging Miles or flirting with him. He's just too cute to not too. Gwen giggles: You guys sure do like him! I wonder if Hobie 138b is here.

The three grins wickedly at the idea of pissing off their other variant. Hobie 138d chuckles: Hope so! I wanna piss him off.

Hobie 138b casually walks through the hallway heading to the game room to meet up with his Sunflower. Then, he stop himself spotting Gwen talking to those blokes! Ugh, them, again!: Oye, what are you blokes doing here? Come for mi Sunflower, eh?

Gwen and The punks look over to grin at Hobie 138b. Hobie 138e smirks: Perhaps!

Oh that annoyed Hobie 138b off: You bloody basters. Touch my darling and I will- -Gwen got between the Hobies trying to ease down the tension-

Gwen: Guys, relax! Come on, picking a fight in here? What will Miles think? -they didn't like to pissed off Miles, especially if he can easily turn invisible and ignore them. Trust and believe, he has done it before with his Hobie-

All the Hobies mutters: No, ma'am. -Gwen hold her laughter seeing how they all look like small toddlers with their heads down.-

Just when she was about to speak, her eyes spotted Miles walking around with Miles 42: Oh! Hey, Miles! -Before she can wave hello at her friend, the Punks whipped their heads so fast like they were programmed to follow Miles. Then, they all rush over to him-

Hobie 138b being the first one to shove and push the Punks, he picks up Miles giving him a kiss on the cheek: :Luv!

Miles 1016 let out a small, "Whoa!" As his boyfriend swoop him up into his arms and give him kisses: Hobie! Bae, what's wrong?"

Miles 42 being surprised like a cat being startled by Hobie's sudden movements. He wasn't use to the punk being so affectionate with Miles 1610. He arched his eyebrow at Hobie picking up Miles and kissing his cheek, what in the hell: Ew.

Miles 1610 was aware of his variant being grossed out: Bae, chill! Miles is here!"

Hobie looked confused: Who? -then glance over at Miles 42 then gave a scrunched expression on his face- Oh, him.

Miles 42 scowls: Aye, fuck you, man!

Miles pouts: HOBIE!

Hobie: Sorry, luv... it's just he's a thorn on my sides! -then mutters lowly to his partner- Did you have to bring the bloke here? -Hobie didn't care about anyone, however he had beef with Miles 42. The bloke always like to start arguing with him or tell Miles to find someone else. It bothers him. Not to mention, he would always give him a dirty look-

Miles 42: I heard that. Fuck off, man! Or else I'm- HUH?- -When he raised his hand up ready to get his claws out, a hand grab on his wrist. His green eyes look up to find a Hobie variant aka Hobie 138e got a hold of his hand. Miles 42 never felt so bashful at a handsome Hobie before!-

Hobie 138e with a deep voice: What you got there, kitten? Such pretty claws! -Oh hell that made Miles 42 weak in the knees. A tall black man with a deep voice does things to him!-

The rest of the punks appeared. Hobie 138d happily said: OH fresh meat, sweet!

Miles 1016 laughs getting down from his boyfriend: I'm surprised you haven't met Miles 42! He's an Anti-hero.

Miles 42 yanks his hand away from Hobie 138e before hiding behind Miles 1016 giving dark glares: Don't fucking touch me! I'm a taken man!

Gwen laughs: Your still dating Ganke?

Miles 42 said: Yeah, what's that supposed to me?

Gwen: Nothin'. Anyway these are the Punks! They are rarely around here, but they are fun to hang or go on missions!

Hobie 139e: Gwendey, you make it sound like we're pets?

Gwen: Oh gosh, no! It's just... ya'll are rarely here. When was the last time you guys came?

Hobie 138d picks his ear with his pinky: Ahh, who knows. We don't believe in consistency, mate!

Miles 42 rolled his eyes... oh brother. Miles 1016 smiles at them: That sucks. You guys could make a lot of friends!

Gwen nodded: Yup!

Hobie 138b rolled his eyes.

Then one of the punks lifts Miles chin up being a flirt: Oh yeah? You need a special friend, Sunflower?

Hobie 138e licks his lips: I'm been meaning to taste you.

Hobie 130d: ME TOO!

Hobie 138b quickly snapped his head at them, gave them an angry stare. His mouth turned into a nasty scowl: Aye, back off, fucking twats! He's mine! -he shove Miles 42 at them while he hugs Miles being a protective bear-

Miles 42 stumbles at the punks: Hey, what the fuck!

Miles 1016 sighs: bae, that wasn't very nice. They are just joking. It's not like they are actually gonna sleep with me.

Miles 42 and Hobie 138b saw Hobie 138d holding a condom out while Hobie 138c got fuzzy hands cuffs in his pocket. Hobie 138e merely grins widely as he pulls out a deer headband from Lupe. Hobie 138c spoke at a glaring Hobie 138b and a shocking Miles 42: Yeah, Hobart! Like we would EVER try to take your Sunflower.

Hobie 138e placed the deer headband on Miles 1016: Hey, darling. A present from you.

Miles 1016 being naive: Oh, thanks! I think I already one... a friend gave me one.

Gwen laughs: You mean, Lupe! How she gave you a deer bikini too!

The Punks fantasize about Miles 1016 in a deer bikini being cute: Cuuttteee -they said together-

Miles 42 shoves them away from Miles 1016: Ya'll are fucking perverts! -Then grab the deer headband off Miles 1016's head- Get this dumb shit off, you looking really dummy.

Miles 1016 rubs his head: Ow! Miles that hurt! -Hobie 138b snuggles his boyfriend-

Hobie 138b: Told you, he's a bit of a pain, darling!

Miles 42: I heard that!

Gwen laughs: Well, I didn't expect you two to not like each other -Miles 42 and Hobie were staring at her-

Hobie 138c swiftly hugs Miles 42: Awe, shame. He's a cute lad.

Hobie 138d laughs out loud having to point on Miles 42 cheeks: Hahaha, yeah! Maybe smile more, kitten!

Miles 42 scowls then growls: Stop calling me that!

Miles 1016 saw the Punks picking on his variant, then Hobie 138e winks at Miles 1016: Darling, he's so feisty. Perhaps the ole' chap prefer him and I'll have you! -Hobie twisted his head so fast it made Miles 1016 jump, and he glares at his variant-

Gwen giggles: LOL! Miles who knew you were such an eye candy!

Miles 1016: I always thought they were just joking. -He saw how his Hobie was picking a fight with Hobie 138e and the other two punks flirting with Miles 42. Miles 42 was about to claw them being so pissed off-

Miles 42: Miles, you better do something before I fuck these assholes off!

Miles 1016 laughs: Chill man. They are just flirting. What's wrong with that? -he smirks- I think you would like to date Hobie!

Miles 42 became bashful: NO! I have Ganke! That's my man! -fuming-

The Punks sighs: Ugh! Why are the hot ones always taken!

Hobie 138d slouches on Miles 1016 being whiny: Sunflower, forget about those blokes and be with me!

Hobie 138c whines: No me!

Gwen could only watch as Miles 42 fights them back from touching Miles 1016: They are like brothers... -Miles 42 seems to be a protector with Miles 1016, maybe it's because he's a bit naive-

Hobie 138b: Oi! Back off of MY SUNFLOWER! -already about to fight the other two Punks-

Miles 1016: Guys relax! It's not that serious!

Hobie: LUV! They are challenging me and want to take you away.

Miles: Bae, I'm not going anywhere. They are just fooling around. Besides, we don't see them often.

Hobie: I prefer that. -He frowns at the Punks who were grinning from ear to ear and Miles 42 hiding being Miles 1016-

The Punks: Yeah, he's our darling, too, mate. Remember sharing is caring!

Miles 42: Fuck off!

Hobie 138e licks his lips: Maybe i should kiss you to wipe that frown off your face.

Miles 42: Touch me and I will fuck you up, man! -he got his claws out-

Gwen: Yikes!

Miles 1016 to Gwen: Wow, I never seen them so hyper. They're like huskies. -referring to the punks and Miles 42 being a cat hissing at them-

Gwen: Huh, I can see that!

Hobie 138b snuggles with his Sunflower, again: Should we make a run for it -wanting to leave before the Punks act up again with his boo-

Miles 1016 giggles: Come, bae. They are you. Besides, they keep this place lively.

Hobie 138c: We sure do. But a last, we must be gittin' going my darling -he holds Miles 1016's hand to kiss-

Hobie 138b smack his variant's hand away: Watch it, twat.

Hobie 138d hugs Miles 1016's waist: Luv, he's being mean to us!

Hobie 138e winks at Miles 1016 then slouch on him: Darling, we must be going before the fascist leader comes and give us orders!

Miles 1016: Really? Leaving so soon?

Gwen: Awe, but you guys should stay longer and meet more of Spider-heroes

The Punks: Nahh!

Hobie 138b whacks all of them off his Miles: Good riddance!

Miles 42: Pfft, maybe you should leave too!

Hobie: Fuck off, mate.

Miles 1016: I'm surprise you guys aren't staying longer. You get free snacks, lunch and games.

Hobie 138e: We like to jump from universe to universe, luv. It's a thing we do.

Miles 1016: Oh, okay! It's just I was hoping you guys would wanna stay since I ask a couple of friends to meet you.

The Punks even Hobie arched his eyebrows: What friends?

Miles 42: You shouldn't them meet THEM! They will be like sex starving freaks!

Miles 1016 rolled his eyes at his variant: What? No they won't, besides they are variants of us!

Gwen: No way you meet your other variants!

Miles 1016: Yup, here they come! -His watch beep showing they were coming down the hallway- Hey guys, over here!

Gwen squeals: Finally more variants of Miles! I was getting tired of see my own variants. Male Gwen was such a flirt!

The Punks and Hobie gawks at three Miles variant each one being extremely different from the other: Hey, Miles 1016 and Miles 42!

Miles 42: Hey, Miles!

The three Miles smiles at the punks having such beautiful smiles. The Punks fell in love.

(Part 2)

[makoodles]

I do think it would be interesting if human thinks netayem is annoying and arrogant and not really a huge fan of him but netayem just pinning after her and trying to impress her but failing. Like he keeps saying stupid shit like “my father is toruk makto” and “I’m the youngest to take an ikran” or “I’m the best hunter in the village” and human just like “are you trying to challenge me?!!” Like imagine girl has an avatar and definitely practice her archery skills just to surpass him or just tries to do anything he does better than him. But netayem just thinks she wants to hang out with him even tho HE KEEPS FINDING HER AND BOTHERING HER!!! And he keeps bumping shoulders with her or touching her in some way and she just like why you keep pushing me?! And does it back but he thinks they just rough housing or something. He gives her a bracelet he wove for her and she thinks he’s showing off his weaving skills and goes I can make one better! And weaves a more elaborate one to show him and he thinks it’s a gift! Like just miscommunication and pining/enemies to lovers ugh! Love it!

lgfbijldfxgm YES the miscommunication and pining !! god i'm so predictable lmaooo but i LOVE those tropes

the idea of neteyam trying to subtly tell reader what an impressive mate he would be only for reader to see him coming and be like "oh great 🙄 here comes this asshole again" is so funny khgakhgak she definitely just thinks he's bragging about how great he is

AND NETEYAM AFFECTIONATELY BUMPING HER only for reader to be like "oh my GOD this guy HATES me, he won't stop pushing me around" AHHHH i love it

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

Here is the third of the posts I'm making that detail my thoughts on every episode of The Magnus Archives. This post details my thoughts on episodes 31-40, the last episodes of Season 1. I've absolutely loved this final quarter, and documenting it has been a really fun (and kind of traumatizing but I'll get to that) experience.

Please keep in mind a few things before you read this.

1: This post is LONG. Like I mean LOOOOOONNNGG. If you read this all in one sitting, I will be both humbled and concerned for your wellbeing, so just...keep that in mind.

2: Obviously there will be spoilers for all of the first season, so if you haven't listened to that, steer clear. If you have listened ahead of Season 1, which I'm assuming most people reading this have, please don't spoil any future episodes for me :).

3: I recommend reading my posts on previous episodes before this one, as I will make reference to them a few times. There is a link to my masterpost of them above the cut. With that, enjoy! :)

- Episode 31, First Hunt 🦌

Statement of Lawrence Mortimer, regarding his hunting trip to Blue Ridge, Virginia.

Jonathan Sims is the only guy ever. The man walks into his office, probably sleep deprived and without any caffeine in his bloodstream, does the best impression of a jolly old English man he can muster for twenty minutes straight, sings his little heart out at one point, and then proceeds to call the story about someone being hunted bullshit while he stares at the ceiling in dread of the evil sex worms hunting him. Btw, I will admit that last bit was a little annoying. Usually I’m fine with Jon calling statements dumb, as I think it adds to the loser old man twink vibe I get from him, but when he straight up sees a similarity between one paranormal occurrence and another, and one or said occurrences is haunting him in real time, his denial just came off as kind of frustrating, especially considering how he usually does pick up on connections between statements. Ok enough about Jon (I just love/affectionately hate him so much I’m sorry), more about the actual story. Well firstly, the portrayal of America was genuinely kind of perfect. I’m glad that more people around the world are able to learn about the horrors of The Appalachian Trail. (These specific horrors don’t get the sparkles, they’re just that fucked up.) I did also really like the whole role reversal with animals hunting humans, it oddly reminds me of some of the themes in Episode 30, but the flavor and execution is very different. I do also wonder if the presence of a lycanthrope somehow connects to the vampires in Episode 10, since I usually group those two monsters specifically. And much like the vampires, I actually really liked how the lycanthrope was portrayed here, it had a lot more intelligence than the average werewolf, where the human and animal forms are usually entirely different minds. Also, it not being able to die was…genuinely really fucking scary with the way it was described. And while I do have a distaste for hunting, I did genuinely feel pretty bad for Lawrence and Arden, neither of them deserved what happened to them. Finally, there’s the ending of the episode, which was…yikes. It’s genuinely quite shaking to see Jon this terrified, like he’s really started to realize how bad things are getting. I always love seeing him outside of when he’s reading statements, and I just UGH I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOOOOUUU. Honestly that’s probably my only kind of big frustration with the podcast. I mean, I still love the statements obviously, and they’re clearly working hard in the world-building and foreshadowing department, so it’s hardly affecting my enjoyment, but episodes like Colony and A Distortion are some of my favorites in the show so far, and it just makes me want to see more of what’s going on at the institute, and what the people who work there are like. Hopefully more episodes like those ones will show up soon, as I’d like the season to end on a special note. Well, aside from that, this was a very solid episode, and given the title of the next episode…well, I think my wishes will be granted soon. (JANE PRENTISS STATEMENT SAVE ME!!!)

I just realized that I’m basically writing my own statements here whoa.

- Episode 32, Hive 🐝

Statement of Jane Prentiss, regarding a wasps’ nest in her attic.

….The Jane Prentiss statement saved me, but NOT IN THE WAY I WANTED IT TO. (LIKE, IT WAS PHENOMENAL, MIGHT JUST BE MY NEW FAVORITE, BUT FUUUUUCCCKK.) Firstly, I think part of what made this statement so amazing was how it was framed. This is definitely the most cryptic story so far, valuing symbolism over a concise structure, but I actually felt like that worked perfectly here. Since Jane is practically deteriorating while writing this, it feels like she’s contemplating things we couldn’t even imagine. While also being aware of the true horrors she has now become witness and host to. And mentioning the symbolism, MY GOD IS IT GOOD. The Flesh Hive (and no, I’m not calling it the sex worms anymore, that ship has sailed) in particular is such an interesting concept, I mean, it’s more of a concept incarnate than any other horror so far. The way it reflects the metaphorical hive, the insect ecosystem that exists all around us, which in turn reflects a sort of toxic codependency and need to be loved, which is also reflected through Jane, and it all ends up as a combination between the concept of love and disgusting insects, it’s just, UGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH. On top of that, this is absolutely my favorite of Jonny Sims’ performances so far. He captured Jane, along with her shift into becoming a part of The Flesh Hive extremely well, but also mixes it with the genuine terror that Jon is feeling. Speaking of which, while it was certainly cathartic to see Jon admit that what’s happening is very real and very paranormal, it was also very terrifying in its own right. Either something very weird is happening in the archives (I mean, obviously SOMETHING is weird but Jon could be…well, he certainly isn’t normal, but, like, he doesn’t have to be PARAnormal, you know?), or, Jon has had some VERY weird experiences in his past, which I think is more likely. What they are, I don’t know, but I think they’re something similar to this, considering how he said that something in the statement had gotten to him. (Stay safe my poor little meow meow babygirl-) As for the story outside of just themes, I don’t have much to say honestly, it was still fantastic, just very simple due to the abstract nature of the episode. All I’ll say is that it was obviously terrifying, and I feel really bad for Jane. I don’t care if she was canonically “toxic” or whatever, she still deserved better than what happened to her, and the level of emotional distress she was in was absolutely chilling. (On the bright side though she kind of slays as an evil worm lady but I digress.) Anyways, the last thing I have to talk about is theories, because MY GOD, this gave me quite a bit to work with. (This is becoming a massive wall of text so I’m going to make a cut.)

Firstly, I think it’s time to go back to my theory about cults and higher powers. There’s been at least one instance of a cult via The People’s Church of The Divine Host, but due to characters like Gerard Keay, the other guy in the hospital, Sarah Baldwin, potentially The Lukas Family, potentially Jurgen Leitner, likely The Circus of The Other, and more, I feel like there are multiple cults and multiple higher powers, potentially at odds with each other given what happens in Episode 12. And I think this applies to this episode, as Jane was a practicing witch, and The Flesh Hive seems to be some kind of higher power as well. I think other higher powers might be The Anglerfish, the growing darkness, something associated with eyes, maybe “Micheal”, and some other potential candidates. Overall it does feel like the podcast is leaning towards the eldritch kind of horror (which is my absolute jam btw), so I hope I’m right in my assumptions. As for what these higher powers may want, I feel like maybe they’re…punishing humanity for their hubris? Like, I know that assumption might sound like it’s coming from someone who can only view these sorts of things from a religious perspective, but hear me out, because you have episodes like Do Not Open, Alone, Lost Johns’ Cave, Confession and Desecrated Host, Freefall, Skintight, First Hunt, and even this one with how Jane is practicing witchcraft, where characters who are comfortable in situations that many would find scary, and are then scared while in that situation. The only possible exception is in Arachnophobia, where Carlos is already scared of what he’s haunted by, but you could argue that he was being punished for a potential curiosity with spiders he had when he was younger. So yeah, those are some small thoughts I had about how some of this all ties together, but I had a couple of other small observations as well. Firstly, the presence of spiders in Jane’s attic. She implies that they exist separately from The Flesh Hive, so I do wonder if they tie into what happened in Episode 16 at all, especially considering that the worms were in fact mentioned there. Secondly, there’s her mention of “fools chasing fractals”. If that doesn’t tie into Episode 8 with Ivo’s father, I don’t know what does. Thirdly, her landlord was smoking a cigarette, which just reminds me of everything involving The Anglerfish (although I checked to see if he was mentioned in Ep. 1 like Sarah and no, he wasn’t.) And fourthly, one that was mentioned in the YouTube comments, Antonio from Ep. 11 was said to be working at a Crystal shop, had a somewhat similar experience where his mind was directly connected to ✨the horrors✨over a long period of time, and was also under a fake name. They said that maybe this would explain why that one guy looked at her sadly, maybe he was “Antonio” and knew what was going on, and while I’m not 100% sold on the idea, I thought it was interesting.

So…yeah. That was…an experience. Suffice to say, I am terrified. I’m terrified of Jane, for Jane, for Jon, for The Institute, and for my sanity as I delve deeper into the never ending rabbit hole that is The Magnus Archives. (I have 168 episodes left, Christ.) This episode is phenomenal, and there’s probably a lot I didn’t even talk about but…I think I’m going to lie down now, maybe get an exterminator contact ready just in case…auuughhhh.

- Episode 33, Boatswain’s Call ⛴️

Statement of Carlita Sloane, regarding her work on a container ship traveling from Porto do Itaqui to Southampton.

Oh thank god some time to breathe after last episode. I mean…not really, but you know what I mean. I’ll start off with what is the obvious highlight of the episode: TIM!!! I said earlier that I feel like he has bastard energy, and I was…kind of right about that? He’s nicer than I expected though. As for whether I love or hate him…yeah I’m leaning towards loving him, he’s fun :). Also, I absolutely love how they retconned errors in previous episodes at the beginning, that’s super funny and a really clever workaround to discrepancies. But how about the statement? Well, I will start with my one slight critique, that being that this is one of the least scary episodes for me so far. Which like, I feel like Rusty Quill knows that, since Jon outright says there’s nothing really paranormal here, but it’s ultimately whatever. Still though, the atmosphere here was really well done, the whole vibe of a creepy boat was captured very well through the writing, no outright big scares in the episode, but it did a very good job keeping me on edge. One of the moments that did genuinely make me pretty damn scared was when Carlita was digging through the shipping containers, and was then called out to the lifeboat by the rest of the crew. As someone with a very deep fear of being caught doing something people don’t want me to do, (even though my cowardly ass would never even bother), that certainly made me feel really uneasy, even though she was fine in the end. There’s not a whole lot to say here honestly, other than a few observations and theories. Firstly, I’m really glad we got some more insight into The Lukas Family! Episode 13 is still a favorite for me, so it’s nice to see connections to it showing up. This episode didn’t really reveal that much, other than that they help fund the institute, which like, is good way to keep them from investigating the weird shit the family seems to get up to honestly. And given the presence of the fog, as well as the overarching theme of isolation present with them, if I didn’t think they were responsible for what happened in Episode 13 already, I absolutely think so now. I also do really think that Evan was a family traitor of some kind, since he was very social, which opposes what the family seems to stand for. Lastly, I’ll mention my thoughts on Sean Kelly. I definitely believe that the crew of The Tundra killed him, but I also wonder if he was responsible for what was making the crew so antisocial, as that would explain why they started acting social after his death. It also makes me wonder whether or not I’m supposed to believe that the captain was involved or not….hm. Overall a good episode, I liked it, but there’s not much more to say on it.

Ok there is actually one other thing I did actually notice in retrospect. It’s very interesting to me that despite this being arguably the LEAST paranormal statement so far, despite the connections to The Lukas Family, Jon still seems very certain that something is weird here, more than he usually is. It really feels like everything with Jane has given him a new perspective…I’m scared…

- Episode 34, Anatomy Class 🍎

Statement of Dr. Lionel Elliot, regarding a series of events that took place during his class, ‘Introduction to Human Anatomy and Physiology’ at King’s College, London. Statement taken direct from subject.

So, fun fact, before I really got into TMA, this was one of the episodes I had heard mentioned here and there, and I knew nothing about it, other than the fact that people really seemed to like it. And now that I’ve finally listened to it myself, I can absolutely see why. Firstly, I’ll start off a bit by talking about Dr. Elliot, as I thought he was a pretty interesting character. I just kind of liked his general vibe, and his voice actor did a fantastic job at selling how distraught he was by the experience, although it does make me hope he’ll be ok after everything that happened to him. I also loved his conversation with Jon at the beginning (he’s awesome for respecting the tape recorder btw), and while it is a bit of a shame to see Jon go back to not really believing a case that much, I still felt like it was decently justifiable here, as the evidence admittedly isn’t the best. (Also his reaction to the apple was fantastic lmao.) But as for the actual statement, I agree with the common sentiment that it was…kind of cute? Like, don’t get me wrong, it is still a damn scary scenario. The weird shit the students get up to, the fact they are very clearly not human, their general vibe, and the implication that they killed a professor who failed to teach them are all horrifying, but…I don’t know, there’s some very real charm to this one as well. Like, even though their motives for wanting to seem more human are probably more sinister than this, I do like to imagine that they’re just wanting to relate to humans, so they decided to…enroll in college I guess. Like, if Dr. Elliot vibed with them more, this could have spun off into a very fun, slightly morbid college comedy. I do also love how genuinely polite they were as well, like, all of this considered, I absolutely get why people love this episode, it’s just genuinely very creative and a lot of fun. As for theories, honestly I don’t have that many, although someone in the YouTube comments (which by the way, I REALLY need to thank everyone there for being very resistant to spoiling, it means a whole lot for new listeners like myself), stated that there were some odd similarities between certain things that happened in this episode, and some of the stuff found in the bags in Episode 5. It makes me wonder if all of the bin bags contained discarded research materials being used by the students (which actually makes the art student jokes people were making in the comments even funnier in retrospect), and if the “him” Alan Parfitt came across was one of the students. Oh, and all of the bone imagery kind of reminds me of Episode 17 as well, and the teeth stuff kind of reminds me of Episode 10 (maybe the anatomy students are vampires…hm.) Outside of that, this was just a really fun and great episode, and I hope that Dr. Elliot comes back in the future just to see where this potential plot line could go.

- Episode 35, Old Passages 🔨

Statement of Harold Silvana, regarding discoveries made during the renovation of the Reform Club, Pall Mall.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I’M SCARED!!!!!!! Man, this final quarter has been REALLY solid so far, like, the fact that Hive, Anatomy Class, and now this are so close together is genuinely stunning. Once again, there is QUITE a bit to unpack here, so I’ll take it one step at a time. I’ll start by talking about the elements of the episode that are…less brainrot inducing, as that’s easiest to discuss. Firstly, I remember that Sasha mentioned a “Harold Silvana” case back in Episode 24, so it’s really cool to see that brought back here! But moving on from that neat little tidbit, I’ll start talking about the actual statement. Yeah this one was just really creepy. The story itself was a bit shorter than other statements, but it still did a good job at creating dread. The hallways underneath the club were genuinely very unnerving, and it was also sad to see Alfred die, I thought that Harold’s comment about there being little to no one to remember him was pretty depressing. I also do wonder if the reason the members of The Reform Club didn’t want the architects to get involved with it any further was because they were aware of the hallways, and maybe making use of the strange forces down there. I mean, it just feels kind of fitting to have a high society like faction be involved in some shady business, you know? Also, I noticed that Jon’s vocal delivery of Harold was quite in line with his usual voice, which just makes me feel like they would get along if they met, idk. But honestly, while I think that the basic plot of this episode is still good, it PALES in comparison to the amount of connections it provides. Firstly, Jurgen Leitner. This fucking guy. You know what, I think the guy who made the rant about him was right, why DOES he have so many fucked up books? I…genuinely don’t know what to think of this guy. On one hand, his irritable nature that’s displayed here, and his desire to have all of this dangerous literature do raise some red flags, but it’s also possible that he only wishes to keep these books safe from those who would use them from bad purposes, as there’s no real record of him doing anything bad with them. Still though…he unnerves me, but it was cool to finally have him actually appear in a statement. Secondly, GERARD KEAY LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOO. I don’t even KNOW where this guy stands morally, but I just get happy whenever this weird little emo man shows up and I don’t know why. Anyways, I…think that this helps piece the timeline surrounding him together…a bit. What I can say for certain is that the Leitner he got here is the same one Mary Keay uses in Episode 4 (which might also be The Boneturner’s Tale, but I doubt it since that one revolves around bending already existing bones, while this one is about creating new ones), so it must have come into her hands some time after this episode. But outside of that, all of the things this episode did that surrounded him was just make me more intrigued, honestly. After Episode 12, I started to think that he was against some evil forces, like his mother and the other guy in the hospital, but that he probably still served his own forces (given the creepy eye symbolism, which I do believe is evil given the church in Episode 20 and the crypt in Episode 23), so he comes off as kind of an anti-villain to me. And this episode didn’t really change that, although I do question his motives for grabbing the Leitner. He’s seemingly been established to have a negative relationship with his mother as an adult, but given that he was younger here, I wonder if they were on better terms in the past, and he actually gave the Leitner to her out of his own will before a potential fall out. Eh, food for thought, I just think he’s really neat. (Making a cut because this is very long now.)

Thirdly, we have Robert Smirke. Firstly, I checked and he was indeed a real person! I’m very glad to see the podcast slightly demonize a British Museum architect, that feels deserved honestly. Ok, I say demonize because this guy built a bunch of terrifying hallways, but granted he could be good idk. Assigning characters strict moral alignments at this point is pretty hard tbh. Anyways, I don’t have that much to say about Smirke himself, other than that I think he was definitely involved with at least one of the major cults we’ve seen, and that he might have ties to some of the recurring creepy churches we’ve seen so far. …I might have to check if the real person actually worked on Hither Green Chapel or not, just in case. What does concern me is the hallways. Obviously, thirteen is a bad sign (I know it’s technically fourteen but like you get the idea, it’s framed as thirteen in the script when the architects enter the central room), but someone in the comments pointed out odd similarities between the hallways and previous episodes. Ones that stood out to me was one that was described as entirely dark, another with cobwebs in it, and the first corridor, which was described in an EERILY similar manner to Lost Johns’ Cave. I don’t know, it very well might just be me going insane, but I feel like the passages here are meant to reprisent certain…feelings throughout the series. Maybe not more sentient entities like, for example, The Anglerfish, but like, I could see a corridor similar to the weird foggy graveyard from Episode 13, or the dreams from Episode 11. Basically I think the passages are meant to connect to the more environmental horrors we’ve seen so far. It’s just…AGH THIS PODCAST IS DRIVING ME INSANE AND I’M BARELY COHERENT ANYMORE. Ok, I’ll wrap things up with some brief comments on the ending. Oh dear god the ending. Firstly, is it wrong that Jon’s surprise at the worms in his office made me jump more than anything else in the show so far? Like, considering how terrifying these statements are…that just feels like a disservice from me to the writers and directors, Idk. But secondly (ignoring the worms because I’ve gone on long enough about them)…Breekon and Hope…hi….oh no. They…they were very creepy…I’m guessing they’re twins because they’re very Shining-core to me….and considering that they are the same men who showed up in Episode 2 (or at least prominent to the delivery company those men were a part of)….I do not like the idea of them giving a package to Jon. Needless to say I do not want Jon to open that package. I think that is a bad idea. And I do not like how they encouraged Martin to turn off the recording. I…I think I’m going to go to bed now…

Speaking of bed, I’m sorry if this one wasn’t very coherent lmao. I’m just really tired right now and…yeah this podcast is pulling me into a very deep rabbit hole that I do not think I was prepared for as I thought I would be. Well, anyways, hopefully my incoherency at the very least makes it clear how insane I am about this episode. (Oh also I checked and no, Robert Smirke did not work on Hither Green Chapel, but I still find his work on churches interesting…)

- Episode 36, Taken Ill ✋

Statement of Nicole Baxter, regarding visits culminating in the fire that consumed Ivy Meadows Care Home in Woodley, Greater Manchester.

Unlike last episode, which is just making my brain spiral until it turns to goo, this one was definitely a bit more digestible. That being said…AAAAGUHFGHHGGHHHHHJJJJKKKKKKKKKNGDFGHHJJBFFHHJJNN!!!! I am in LOVE with how everything is coming together, it’s just, UGH it’s so satisfying! The amount of recurring elements, the fact that so many theories and bits of foreshadowing are being validated, it’s just…YES! I LOVE THIS PODCAST SO FUCKING MUCH AND I’M BOTH EXCITED AND TERRIFIED FOR THE END OF THE SEASON! JANE IS COMING HOME BITCHES!!!! Ok…sorry I just needed to get that out of my system, now I’ll talk about this depressing ass statement. Because yes, this one was really messed up! Seeing such a lovely sweet place where the people were able to find community even in their somewhat dire circumstances get absolutely torn apart by an even more terrifying version of death from rot and illness, which already majorly affects the elderly in real life….yeah it was upsetting! I mean, it was good, fantastic storytelling as always but DAMN. Also as someone who does have quite a notable fear of just…generally gross shit, this one did hit home quite a bit. The part where it’s implied Nicole cut off her own hand due to the constant pestilence coming back to haunt her (which did actually remind me of the history of the house on Hill Top Road, as well as the ghost spider…hm…), was genuinely kind of hard to stomach. Honestly the only thing about this episode that WASN’T terrifying was the humor of Nicole’s uncle keeping his estranged partner’s name in his business out of spite. That was actually very funny. So yeah, overall a very terrifying statement, but what about…✨the connections✨ (yeah they get the sparkles as well, who are you to judge). So starting with the obvious, the similarities to The Flesh Hive and Jane Prentiss. I do indeed think that the mysterious force here is either the same thing or something VERY adjacent to The Flesh Hive (but also the yellow shit in Episode 18), and that this episode 100% confirms that Jane isn’t being controlled or anything, but is dead, and the hive is just controlling her body now (which like, was already pretty obvious, but this just confirms it to me.) However, one thing that concerns me about these similarities more than anything else is John Amherst. From my point of view, it was implied that Mr. Amherst was consciously responsible for the spread of the illness, which is in stark contrast to Jane, who only started spreading her worms due to her infection and loss of sanity. This makes me thing that maybe John was somehow involved in getting the hive to absorb Jane, but really who knows? I do admittedly think it would be more interesting if Jane was chosen by the hive itself, but still, I think it would be interesting if her apotheosis was a part of some greater plot. Another thing that ties to Jane that I’m kind of curious about is Nicole’s opening words about fear, which Jon compares to Jane’s statement. It just got me thinking about some other theories which then made me think…what if the eldritch horrors that seem to be behind everything, the things that all of the cults worship, are meant to represent different fears. What if that’s what the different passages in Episode 35 represent (so like, claustrophobia for the first passage, and then stuff like the dark, falling and spiders for other ones.) This theory still needs a LOT of time to flesh itself out, but I’ll put a list of what I think some of the eldritch forces are after I write about the rest of the episode. I might be crazy, but given how “fear” is reoccurring throughout as a theme, more so than a lot of other horror, I have to wonder about this.

Ok, another thing that rattled my brain was…TREVOR THE FUCKING TRAMP? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD? At first I thought he and his companion might be The Fairchilds from Episode 21, but the reveal of his actual identity was a complete shock. Not that I’m complaining though, he’s one of my favorite statement givers so far. Either way, I’m very curious about his presence here, as well as the identity of his companion, and what role they might serve in the plot. Considering that it’s implied they burnt down the care home, and that Trevor hunts vampires for a living, I feel like these guys are probably trying to combat the horrors, but much like Gerard, I wonder if it’s for entirely moral purposes. And finally we have the ending. Oh boy the ending. I know I’m always saying “this is terrifying” or “the archives are in deep shit now” or something along those lines like…whenever ANYTHING relevant happens at the institute, but like, can you blame me? This is mortifying, I do not want my favorite workplace comedy cast to end up in grave danger, and yet I have to cope with the fact that they probably already are. So, the lighter isn’t the most concerning thing ever, I mean, the spider web pattern is interesting, and given the prominence of cigarettes (as well as Gerard’s lighter in Episode 12), I know I should be suspicious about it. But honestly? I’m more concerned about the table. Because…of course I am. I don’t know what this table does, I just know that it is creepy, that anything Breekon and Hope deliver is bad news, that the implication they gave it to Graham Folger is also terrifying, and that I do not like it’s presence in the artifact storage. Why I am I even saying this, of course I’m scared, you should already know that I am not prepared for whatever comes up in these last four episodes, and beyond. End recording or whatever the fuck.

Ok, so as promised here’s what I think some of ✨the horrors✨ are, and what episodes I think they might appear in

- The Anglerfish (1, 28)

- The Sky, I Guess (4, 21)

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 36, maybe 18)

- The War Incarnate? (7)

- Heat aligned entity, called Asag? (8, 12, 18, 20)

- The darkness (9, 15, 25)

- Eyes (4, 12, 20, 23)

- Something aligned with isolation (13, 33)

- Bone Thing (4, 14, 17, 35) (This could be the same thing as the sky due to their connection with Leitners)

- Spiders (16, 22, 32, 35, 36 via the lighter)

- MEAT (18, 30)

- Whatever The Circus of The Other serves (24)

- “Micheal” (26, maybe 8?)

- And then probably something I’m missing due to the 14 corridors

I excluded some things like shapeshifters and vampires, since they seem to be species, Breekon and Hope, The Keay and Lukas Familes, Jurgen Leitner, etc., because they all seem to be servants of ✨the horrors✨ rather than horrors themselves (although I do think “Micheal” is an exception based on vibes alone), stuff like the table and the coffin, which are more like creepy artifacts than anything else, and then other stuff like whatever was trying to get inside Paul McKenzie’s room, which I just don’t know enough about. But…yeah! The ideas are very scattered right now, but I feel like I’m slowly piercing together what the horrific forces of this world might be (on the assumption that’s what we’re dealing with here, which I see no reason not to honestly)

UPDATE: Ok so after some thought I’m not too sure about the idea of ✨the horrors✨ literally representing different types of fear. I think that could still be the case with the passages, but the things I presume to be eldritch beings (like whatever is behind all the bones), while obviously not devoid of themes, are just a bit too specific for this to work. I still think the things I listed are likely to be big bad eldritch horrors, I just think I was a little bit off with what I think they represent, and I need to rethink my steps. Also, this is all on the assumption that there is more than one big evil here. I think it’s likely due to a lot of Gerard’s dialogue in Episode 12, but yeah…this theory only works if another theory is also true. Either way, I do think that the podcast will really delve into fear as a concept, and the psychology behind it, as time goes on, based on themes alone. Ok I’ve talked long enough, on to episode 37.

- Episode 37, Burnt Offering 🍼

Statement of Jason North, regarding the discovery of an alleged ritual site found near Loch Glass in Scotland.

If there was any episode that proves a shorter one isn’t necessarily a worse one, it was absolutely this. Because while the statement is short, and comparatively simple compared to a lot of others, DAMN. I really liked this one. However, I’ll start simple with the stuff that happened outside the statement. Firstly, man…poor Jon. It’s been really interesting but also…really sad seeing his mental state deteriorate over the course of the season, and I hope that he’ll at least be able to get some rest at some point in the near future, although it does feel like a storm is going to come soon. I also found Martin’s scene here interesting as well, as you can tell that he’s still feeling nervous after what happened in Episode 22, and that things haven’t exactly gotten better. The other thing of note is the table, which…yeah, it’s still worrying. I don’t know WHAT this thing does, although I do think it’s interesting that it shows up in an episode that seems to involve the heat related entity from Episode 12 and the Hill Top Road statements. This is because I strongly suspect that the box Ivo found beneath the tree belonged was actually the missing piece of the table, so I feel as if maybe it connects to the heat entity. This might also mean that Graham’s stress could’ve been due to the heat, as well as the monster that stole his identity, although I do have to question where exactly this would fit in with Episode 12. Still though, this does all intrigue me. I also find it curious that the box Ivo found contained an apple with spiders inside (which also kind of brings back thoughts about Episode 34), and that the other thing Breekon and Hope brought to Jon was a lighter with a spiderweb design on it. I’m connecting the dots! (I’m not connecting shit, am I.) But as for the statement…yikes. This is up there with Jane’s statement as being one of the most visceral, one where you really understand the mental state of the author. Like, you can FEEL Jason’s pain here, and having him get genuinely angry with the institute at the beginning was kind of chilling. Obviously it’s not the first time that’s happened, but usually the people who got angry with the institute were ones giving statements live, while here, you hear that anger coming from Jon’s mouth and it’s…off. Also, can I just say that this guy got screwed over so badly? He literally just dropped a bottle of old milk on the ground, and then as punishment he had his entire life literally set ablaze, and had to kill himself to protect his 4-year old son. That’s genuinely like…so fucked up and it’s not even something I can joke about! Really the only thing I can joke about is the mention of Pine Martins being tiny and adorable, which to me is meant to say that Martin Blackwood is tiny and adorable (if that wasn’t already obvious to me.) God I love Martin so much….What was I talking about? Oh yeah,✨the horrors✨. So I guess the only thing left to talk about now is connections.

Well, as I stated earlier, I think the eldritch entity associated with heat that has likely appeared multiple times before appears here as well, obviously. And if Ep. 12 didn’t already give me suspicions, this one absolutely solidified that there is a cult serving this entity. It doesn’t say much about the history of the house on Hill Top Road or what was going on with the man in the hospital, but it’s interesting nonetheless. But of course, the most interesting thing here is the bottles with pictures of Gertrude Robinson in them. …Oh dear. Firstly, I learned that this scene was actually inspired by the experiences of a real person on an old Rusty Quill forum, which is really cool! But aside from that, I’m wondering…is this meant to tell us how Gertrude died? I initially thought her presence here was meant to tell me that she might have been more evil than I initially thought, but now I’m kind of wondering if she was against the cult that serves the heat, and they killed, or at the very least attempted to kill her via a ritual in the woods. And if that’s the case, why not do the same with Gerard, who also seemed to be against this cult? Unless the brain tumor was somehow caused by the cult? I. HAVE. SO. MANY. QUESTIONS!!!! There are three episodes of this season left….aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA-

Unrelated side note: A thought that popped into my head earlier was that maybe Breekon and Hope were the people who stole the calliope organ in Episode 24. I mean, it seems in character based on what we know of them, and it did end up in artifact storage like the table…Also, I found Martin’s description of them really weird? Like, what do you MEAN they were normal, mother fuckers spoke like the twins from The Shining! AND WHO THE HELL IS ROSIE??!! Ok goodnight :).

- Episode 38, Lost and Found 🏺

Statement of André Ramao, regarding a series of misplaced objects lost over the course of three months.

Ok yes, the vase was absolutely a gaslighting homophobe, there, I SAID IT, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! (Ok but in all seriousness I think the fact everyone agrees this is the vase’s motivation is absolutely hilarious, if it ends up being canon I will laugh my ass off.) Anyways, enough humor, because things are SERIOUS now. I’ll give my overall thoughts on the statement first. Honestly, when you remove the absurd nature of what’s going on, this one was genuinely very visceral and heartbreaking. I’ve seen people say that this one is a commentary on the fear of losing things, and while I absolutely agree, the main takeaway I got was the commentary on materialism, and how if you place too much value on material possessions you will lose the things you truly cherish. I think you can really tell that through the way André treats his husband through the story. Like, he talks about getting into a fight with him, and being angry when he started trying to contact doctors, and while I’m sure there was obviously love there, I don’t think André realized how much his husband mattered to him until it was too late. It’s not the most subversive or complex metaphor of all time, but I still think it really works and that it’s pretty damn powerful. It hurts even more with how he does eventually get all of those material possessions back, but still loses his husband. And while I COULD complain about the show’s first somewhat prominent gay couple being buried, I know that’s it’s not because of their sexuality, but because it’s the fucking Magnus Archives, where no happiness is allowed. I also find it concerning that André knows the vase is still stealing things (…writing that down really puts into perspective how nutty this podcast can be), it makes me wonder if it might be in the artifact storage somewhere…oh no. Mentioning artifact storage, what about Mikaele Salesa? So, I checked to see if he appeared in any previous episodes, and he did, back in Episode 14! Unfortunately, that doesn’t really give us much information on him outside of his appearance, but it does prove to me that he’s at least somewhat important. I will say that he really did remind me a lot of Breekon and Hope, which does make me wonder if there’s a connection between them. The only thing that I found to be a very notable difference is that Mikaele has some level of fear towards ✨the horrors✨, while Breekon and Hope seem do be in direct service of them. That doesn’t necessarily make Mikaele a good person, I mean, I definitely think that he knew about the vase, but just pretended not to to save his own skin, but he might not be like…an evil mastermind that wants to spread ✨the horrors✨ wherever he goes, which I get the vibe of from a lot of other characters. But outside of that, there were a good few odd similarities to other episodes. I found it interesting that the war-related items in Mikaele’s warehouse were from The American Revolution and World War 1 respectively, as those are the wars that the only war-related episodes so far have taken place in (those being 7 and 29.) I also definitely think that Mikaele had Leitners in his possession, and I felt like the description of the vase’s pattern was very similar to that of the table, which should be more relevant than ever. Some other things that the vase reminded me of was the impersonator from Episode 3, what with the way that it successfully gaslights everyone aside from the statement giver and…debatably the archival staff, although I don’t think they count since as far as I’m concerned none of them were directly involved with the events of these statements. I initially thought that the creepy hand was supposed to be David, but someone in the YouTube comments said that it could be the same hand from Episode 15, which is….concerning, given how scary that one was. I do wonder if that means this statement connects back to The People’s Church of The Divine Host though, since I felt like that was involved with Episode 15. But with all of that out of the way, there’s the end of the episode. I am hyperventilating so bad.

So yeah….Jane came home I guess. I’m…very interested to see whatever happens in the next episode. All I know is that I’m absolutely in what you’d consider the season finale now. I do have a couple of thoughts here, outside of just being terrified. Because obviously, the way that Jon just smashed that spider is very similar to the events of Episode 16, which brings multiple concerns. Firstly, I initially thought that Jon’s decision to kill it was a bit stupid given his knowledge of that statement, but then I remembered that it was almost as if an external force was compelling Carlos Vittery to kill that spider, so I assume the same thing happened to Jon. And if so….please don’t wrap my boy’s corpse up in webs :(. Secondly, since the killing of the spider causes the worms to conveniently burst in, I wonder if that was why the mysterious force was compelling Carlos to kill the spider. I mean, the worms WERE in his apartment, so maybe killing the ghost spider (which I assume is the same one we see here) is somehow capable of summoning the worms, meaning that….Carlos Vittery could be a part of The Flesh Hive?! Or at least there was an attempt to make that happen like with Harriet Lee? …Sometimes the connections really make my brain melt. And finally, I’m now wondering if the reason as to why the spider even showed up was due to the lighter Jon received from Breekon and Hope, since it had a spiderweb design on it. I mean, they obviously have a knack for giving people things that lures ✨the horrors✨ to them, so I would not be that surprised if this theory ends up being correct. (Also, if Jon was to set the worms on fire with the very same lighter that might have summoned them to him…that would be a massive power move that would make me very happy.) But more than anything, this just gets me thinking even more about that damn table. WHY IS IT HERE? IS IT GOING TO SUMMON THE HEAT TO GET RID OF THE WORMS? DOES THAT MAKE BREEKON AND HOPE A NEUTRAL PARTY IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS? AM I EVER GOING TO GET ANSWERS?! …..I’m not prepared for this season finale.

do you think this is what the vase looked like

- Episode 39, Infestation 🧯

Original recording of Jane Prentiss’ attack upon The Magnus Institute, London.

WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT FUCKING MINDS DECIDED THAT YOU CAN JUST END THE EPISODE LIKE THAT?! LIKE, IN RETROSPECT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS THAT THE SEASON FINALE WOULD BE A TWO-PARTER BUT GOOOOOOOODD!!!! So fun fact, I was so scared going in to this episode that I took two days off listening to mentally prepare myself, and even after that…THIS ONE SCARED ME MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE!!! Did I like it? Absolutely! It’s at the very least in my top 4 episodes, in fact, I think it might only be barely beaten by Episode 32, and it’s very close competition. As someone who’s really liked all of the stuff that happens in the institute, and with the institute staff, this episode was a dream come true, and with the way things are being set up, I’m really excited by the prospect of there being more episodes like this in the future seasons. But…jfc. This is….a LOT. Now, due to the fact that this episode is structured very differently than anything else before it, and because I have so much to say, I’m just going to dedicate different paragraphs to a specific recording each, so I can make my thoughts clear and concise. Starting with…

The second recording. Look, the first one is basically a bunch of chaotic screaming and worms, I don’t know what else you would expect me to say. So the first thing I want to address is that we finally get to see members of the archival staff interacting as a group. I already did feel like their comments on one another give a good look at their dynamic, but it was nice to see it in person, despite the horrific and perilous situation they’re in :). But what are some other things. Well, even though this is shown in later recordings in the episode, I’ll just put it here that I really like how Martin is characterized here. The scene with him in Episode 37, as well as most of his scenes here really do show a new level of confidence and just flesh him out really nicely. There’s some morbid humor in him carrying around a corkscrew to get rid of the worms, and…yeah! I just really like him, he’s definitely one of my favorite characters so far. The main beef of this recording however is the stuff we get from Jon. Not only is the overarching theme of the episode, that being the desire to be remembered, conveyed really well through his dialogue here, but it felt like this scene came with some…nice closure, I guess. We’ve seen Jon become less and less skeptical as time goes on, especially in this final fourth of the season, but it felt really gratifying for him to just straight up admit that what’s happening is real. But there were also quite a couple of intriguing things that he said. Firstly is his comments about Gertrude. He makes the suggestion that she could potentially be alive, and while I doubt that due to her presence in Antonio’s dreams, and the fact that her supposed date of death was when The People’s Church of The Divine Host did a creepy ritual, it does just make me more curious about what truly happened to her. All things considered, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that ghosts exist in this universe so…I don’t know, maybe we’ll see her come back in a way, but I don’t think she’s…entirely alive. The other curious thing was the reveal about the statements. We already knew that something prevented them from being uploaded to computers, but now we know that this only applies to statements that are real. This not only means that Jon has…basically no excuse at this point to be a skeptic, but that I am getting VERY curious about the tapes and the statements on a fundamental level. I’ll touch on it a bit more later, but it does feel like there’s more to the framing device of the podcast itself here than meets the eye, and it is EXCITING me. Anyways, on to the next recording. (I’m still just contemplating that THIS episode came after the homophobic vase one. Holy shit.)

Tim….please never die. I mean, I know it’s funny that I say that since he was VERY close to death here (and could still die in the next one but like…I doubt it because of the fact we already probably have one major death…I’ll touch on that later…), and also because I’ve only known him for two episodes but like…he’s so cool man I can’t help it. “Statement of Joe Spooky regarding sinister happenings” is by far the funniest line in the podcast so far, perfect for the season finale, and…I WAS SO WORRIED FOR HIM UAAAAAGGGHHH!!! Like, the death flags were hoisted HIGH, so I’m glad he survived this episode….even if it probably came at the expense of another character, unfortunately. Ok, I’ll get to that when I get to that. Really not much more to say here other than “Tim is funny and I’m scared”, although hey! It’s Jane! I mean it’s really cool to finally hear her voice but she had one line so I don’t know what else to add. Regardless, time for the kind of wholesome but also ominous as shit recording!

Look, while they are obviously still in peril, while there are certainly some very concerning implications here, while they are still arguing…this one was kind of nice. Obviously Jon and Martin are very different people, and are still quite a ways off from sorting out all of their differences, but…this was very nice. Considering how much Jon belittles Martin in early S1, having him talk to him like this, in a situation where they are both equals, it’s genuinely very gratifying, and probably the most earnest Jon has ever been, as well as the most confident Martin has ever been. Obviously I love it when Jon is a mean asshole and when Martin is just a little guy, but this felt like really good character development for both of them. But outside of that, the most interesting thing here is a look into Jon’s psyche, and why he acts a skeptical as he does. Firstly, the fact that he actually joined the institute due to a genuine belief in the paranormal does make me wonder…what the hell happened to him. I mean, the institute doesn’t seem like the most fun place to work at in the world, nor the most mainstream, so like…I’m getting a lot more curious about Jon’s past now, and the same goes for Martin’s, maybe even more since we learn even less about his reasons for joining the institute than with Jon, and more about his reasons for staying there after Jane forced him into hiding. But obviously, the most ominous thing to me here was how Jon said he felt like he was being…watched. This could mean…genuinely so many things, but to me, I felt like the meaning was a PERSONAL ATTACK. Like, it doesn’t HAVE to be, but given that the podcast already has some decent potential for meta elements, are…are they trying to say that I’M the one tormenting Jon?! Because, like…yeah, I have wanted to see him start admitting that the statements are real! And I have been watching him! (or I guess listening, but…shut up…) In fact, it’s especially damning for someone like me, because I don’t listen to TMA in the background or anything, I sit my ass down, stare at the screen and start taking notes. I…I don’t know where this whole thing will go but for now I’m offended. (But like, if this metaphor ends up being true that I must say…that is some BRILLIANT writing.) There was also Jane’s weird actions here, with how she was seemingly destroying statements and papers. This isn’t exactly surprising, after all, she did suggest that the reason The Flesh Hive wants Jon dead is because as an archivist, his job is to understand things, which the hive seemingly doesn’t want unless it opens its arms to someone directly (very finally fitting if I might add), but still…it’s curious to me. Considering how this whole recording gets you to think about what’s up with the statements, I feel like maybe The Flesh Hive knows a bit more than others do… Finally, we have the ghost conversation, which is really funny and a great character moment for Jon and especially Martin, but like…what if though…what if…

ELIAS BOUCHARD IS A SKETCHY ASS MAN. This guy has only shown up ONCE before this episode, and when he finally returns he is…unnervingly chill about the whole situation. Like, he is just…NOT concerned about the attack, he seems a tad bit too comfortable with the prospect of Jon and Martin dying via C02, and he’s just…he’s just really fucking sketchy. I can’t remember if I’ve stated it before, but from what we’ve seen and heard of him, I’ve always gotten the vibes that Elias knows a lot more than he lets on. Like, in the way that he’s been working at the institute long enough to know that there’s something really weird about it, (which btw, thinking about how weird the institute is does really get me thinking about it’s founding a lot more…my brain is melting…) and he wants to stay away from the weird shit as far as possible. Some suspicious things with him are his reluctance to antagonize The Lukas Family which is…understandable, I guess, if they help keep the institute around, but then there’s the fact that he clearly knows more about Gertrude than everyone else, but is being REALLY quiet about it, exemplified via what Jon says about him in Episode 11. And then there’s the fact that later on, Sasha mentions how he has a tendency to change the subject and…yeah…I don’t know how to feel about him. Honestly all I have to say about this recording corresponds with Elias, so I’ll just move on to the next one.

Ok, so since these recordings are pretty short, and Sasha’s last one is….woah…I’m just going to cover the last two that have Jon and Tim in them briefly here. As expected, Tim continues to be comedy gold. Him bursting through the wall and being super chill (and not in the creepy Elias way) was honestly just want I needed. I did NOT need him pulling…something off though, but…whatever. Also the reveal of Martin recording poetry was fantastic, I need that to be a spin-off ASAP. Magnus Protocol? Never heard of it. The men of the archives are the only men to ever exist and they all deserve their own show. Anyways, after Tim completes his re-enactment of The Shining, they head into the tunnels (which I did not know were a thing), and I get scared yet again. I…am very concerned for Martin, I do not like how he ran off, and I do not like the noises that play at the end of the episode. That is all I have to say here. This is an absolutely terrifying way to end the episode, but it is frustrating in the best way, and if I wasn’t shaking as I write this I would have immediately jumped to the next episode. But…there is one other scene, one that honestly, would’ve worked just as well, if not BETTER, as an ending to the episode. That is, of course, the one scene that has terrified me more than anything else in the podcast so far. The scene that stars:

That. Mother. Fucking. Table. I thought it was at least…somewhat safe. I thought that it would tie into…Hill Top Road, or something, that it would just be something for Jon to glean some information from later on! But I was a fool. I should’ve known that the Anatomy Class shenanigans were (probably) foreshadowing. I should’ve known that the GOD DAMN IMPERSONATOR WAS COMING BACK. JON! WHY DIDN’T YOU DESTROY IT YOU VICTORIAN BUFFOON?! I’m…I’m fucking shook man. I might have been fearful for Tim but…for a split second there, I thought everyone would make it out alive. I mean, we’ve seen Sasha in like, what, three episodes before this, and she only starred in one? She had to live so that we’d see more of her! But no…I got completely blindsided. Sasha James, this really cool character who I wanted to see succeed after her encounter with Bonyhands McGee, is most likely dead. It might sound like I’m genuinely upset with the decision, and while I’m absolutely sad and terrified, I do think they can go really interesting places with this. I mean, I’m going on the assumption that what happened to her is what happened to Graham Folger in Episode 3, meaning that we know have something impersonating her, meaning that she could be explored even after her presumed death. On top of that, like…what if the effect of no one recognizing a difference between the OG Graham and the “Not Graham” applies to Sasha! Because if so, this could be a genius example of having characters figure out something long after the audience being done really well! But overall…I’m mortified. As cool as these prospects are, there’s still a glimmer of hope in me that Sasha survives, that the archival team can deal with that fucking table as soon as possible. Which, by the way, I’m genuinely mad at myself for not catching on to that at first. I initially thought that the table had nothing to do with the main plot of Episode 3, outside of maybe increasing Graham’s paranoia, and that it was meant to foreshadow future events that tied into…idk, the house on Hill Top Road, given the box inside the tree. But nope! Apparently wherever the table goes, the impersonator follows! And if she is dead…man, I don’t know whether or not it’s a good thing that the thing she was afraid of dying from was not the one that killed her in the end… Outside of that, I mean, yeah, artifact storage was creepy as all hell, Sasha’s monologue made me go through five different emotions in the span of like…two minutes, and that one part, holy shit that one part. Hearing that weird noise, Sasha’s scream, and then a new voice repeating her last words it’s…uggghjhehehehjejejejjewjjekekwkekkdkwkekek. Wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I love it, but wow, I hate this! I mean, I-

So..yeah. Good episode…I guess. I’m really scared. For everyone, Sasha especially. For everything, my sanity especially. I do not like the name of that season finale, it’s looking at me funny. I….I…I think I’m just going to go saw my foot off or something, maybe that’ll take my mind off of things. See you for the season finale! :,)

- Episode 40, Human Remains 🩹

Statements of Elias Bouchard, Tim Stoker, Sasha James, Martin Blackwood and Jonathan Sims, regarding the infestation of the Magnus Institute by the entity formerly known as Jane Prentiss. Statements taken direct from subjects.

*Sigh*. I have listened to 40 episodes of this god-forsaken, trauma inducing podcast. I have stayed up at night wildly speculating about the connections between episodes, trying to solve the greater mystery. And for what? Well, I regret to inform you that, in the end, it was all for…A FANTASTIC SEASON FINALE. HOLY SHIT I’M SO EXCITED TO LISTEN TO SEASON 2 YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I mean, I’m obviously terrified, what with the amount of setup here, the cold realization that ✨the horrors✨ are somehow just going to affect the main cast more and more in the future, and…so much more, but WOW. This finale absolutely delivered and if I wasn’t already on board to see how the rest of the podcast plays out, I absolutely NEED to know now. So, like with last time, I’m going to divide my thoughts via the multiple parts this episode is divided into, so I’ll be going over each person’s statement. And let me tell you…there is some stuff to discuss. Starting off with my favorite(?) enigmatic CEO, Elias Bouchard!

So yeah, Elias is still sketchy as fuck. Oddly enough, despite this being the most time spent with him so far, which don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy about, but…yeah, I still don’t trust him all that much. I guess I’ll start off by talking about some of the general information revealed here. So firstly, no one’s really doing all that well! I mean, it’s expected, but still, I feel really bad for everyone here. You can tell in the opening how scarred Jon is by what happened (both mentally and physically)…which makes Elias’ relative chillness all the more strange. Also, while it is once again pretty obvious, I would just like to pay some respects to the absolute queen that was Jane Prentiss. Rest in relative peace Jane, I hope you’re getting people to join the hive in…well not heaven, she’s probably gone to superhell, but…yeah. Still kind of sad she only got one line from her own mouth. But back to Elias, there are two things he said that really came off as…like, especially odd. Firstly is how he said he got tired of what Jon was saying about the statements. This is weird because like…that’s his job? That Elias hires him to do? It really does add to the vibe that he knows of ✨the horrors✨, but is actively trying to avoid them as much as possible. It feels like they’re setting up an interesting parallel between him and Jon, who looks like he’s going to really start connecting the dots in Season 2. It also just kind of made me think about the implications of something…watching Jon, and it wanting him to admit the statements are real, since Elias seems to specifically be annoyed by Jon’s recent lack of doubt, at least in my eyes. But the other thing that really unnerved me here was what he had to say about Gertrude. His reluctance to talk about her death is one thing, but the fact that he says he found the blood-covered office on March 15, when in Episode 25 Jon says she was declared dead on May 15, is…just really strange. It could be a discrepancy on the writer’s part but…I don’t know, it feels like one of them has to be wrong here. And either way, since they retconned past discrepancies in the opening of Episode 33, they could absolutely work with that here. So yeah, not much more to add other than that I don’t trust Elias.

Poor Tim :(. The guy has been so funny and chipper in all of his past appearances, but here you could feel how beat down he was. After getting worms in his skin and having to spend more time in quarantine simply for being funny, this guy just can’t catch a break! I mean, I’m happy he’s alive, because I was genuinely very scared for his life in the last episode but…man, his last words in this episode really did sting. Anyways, the main takeaway from this statement is the info on the tunnels. This is…really creepy and I’m sure we’ll get a deeper look into it in Season 2, as this whole episode feels full of setup for what’s to come very soon, but for now they are just a very strange place. The way their ancient architecture is described, the worms’ behavior down there, and the…door they were trying to form? What else is even in there? Hell, is this why The Flesh Hive really wanted to attack the institute? To discover some secret in the tunnels? I don’t know, but I care a LOT.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no NO! THE WORST HAS COME TO PASS! The chances of her survival was slim, but I had the smallest sliver of hope that she would survive, but NO! Sasha’s gone UUUUUUUUAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!! What makes it so much worse is that WE KNOW, we’ve heard Sasha’s original voice, we’ve gotten a sense of her general vibe, the new her has creepy music in the background whenever she speaks, HER NAME IS LITERALLY “NOT!SASHA” IN THE FUCKING CREDITS. But Jon, Tim, Martin, they don’t! They don’t know, and I’ll be stuck having to watch them hang out with a monster that killed their friend for who knows how long! It’s excellent storytelling but GOOOOOD I’M SO SAD. And Not!Sasha herself, I mean…holy shit. She’s absolutely uncanny and terrifying, the fact that her tone and vibe are so noticeably different from the real Sasha, how she always responds with a “yes” to Jon, how she points out extremely obvious things, how she just…seems unfamiliar with things she should know about, just everything, it’s just so fucking scary! She’s just so..matter of fact, she’s like a robot in comparison to the real person. Honestly, her manner of speech is very in line with how I imagined the anatomy students sounding. But there are a lot of other weird things about this scene. Firstly, I think it’s curious that when “Micheal” is mentioned, Not!Sasha refers to him (and yes, I noticed she uses he/him, unlike OG Sasha who used it/its) as the one with “all the bones in his hands” which…almost perfectly lines up with what Ivo’s father said. I had my doubts about that theory, but now I feel pretty convinced by it. That just leaves me thinking about what connection he might have to the fractals. Now that I think about it, fractals kind of line up with the descriptions of strange patterns that have shown up, like the one on the table. And…well, given what happened, I can’t help but wonder if “Micheal��� and Not!Sasha have a deeper connection to each other, especially since this is the first time he’s been brought up since Episode 26. (Maybe he’s impersonating the real Micheal…oh no that’s a whole new can of worms, pun not intended). Another thing is how Not!Sasha says Elias gave her a strange look. …THE MOTHERFUCKER KNOWS!!! WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?! WHY?! Lastly, there’s some of the discrepancies that Not!Sasha has failed to avoid. Firstly, she should’ve been scarred by the worms like Jon and Tim but just…isn’t. Secondly, even though Jon doesn’t remember the original Sasha (which is…even more depressing when I put it into words…), he’s astute enough to realize that something is off with her. And finally, there’s the matter of the missing tapes. I checked, and they are indeed all of the tapes that Sasha appeared on. I think it’s likely Not!Sasha took them to learn about the role she has to play, but since there’s certainly something weird about the tapes, and this theme of truth being recorded on them…I have to wonder if she maybe stole them because the original Sasha’s voice is still on them, and you can straight up hear Sasha dying and being replaced on the one from Episode 39. With the logic presented in Episode 3, Sasha’s voice on the tapes should be replaced by that of Not!Sasha, but when you consider the framing device of the audience being people listening to these tapes, and the general weird things at play…I’m concerned. I think…I think Jon needs to get those tapes back as soon as possible. In short, I am very scared of the new archival assistant, and her mysterious connections.

MARTIN MY BELOVED!!! How is it legal for someone to be this sweet, he was genuinely so worried for Jon and I just want to give him a hug he’s so nice :(. But ultimately, as much as I feel for him, Martin is not the main focus here. The strange objects in the tunnels are not the main focus. The main focus here is the human remains. The remains of Gertrude Robinson. Wow. I…honestly thought it was going to take longer for her fate to come to light. I mean, there is still a lot that is obviously unknown, but to have her down here, confirmed to be dead, confirmed to be MURDERED…it’s making my brain go in so many directions. I guess I’ll start with the room she was found in. It’s…very concerning how similar it is to the archives. I don’t even know what it’s supposed to mean? Does it signify that the institute was built upon an older institute somehow? Are we not even going to bother checking out the tapes she left down there? I NEED TO KNOW. And, then, I mean, god the way she died. I was so convinced by all of the clues that she died some sort of gruesome eldritch fate, but hearing that she was simply shot…why is that so much more haunting. I mean, I have to assume there were still some weird circumstances surrounding her death as a whole, given clues in Episode 11 and Episode 25, but…it’s very concerning. And then there’s Jon’s words about this. Does that…DOES THAT MEAN THAT SEASON 2 IS A FUCKING MURDER MYSTERY?! BECAUSE I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT! Look, assuming that the murderer is indeed someone in the institute (which I say because Gertrude does seem to have made a good few enemies in her lifetime), then my fingers are already pointed at Elias due to how sketchy he is, but honestly…I’m afraid this is just another mystery that I don’t have to energy to fully crack right now. And Jon’s words at the end…please tell me he doesn’t resort to doing very stupid things that endanger his own life for the sake of the truth. Oh who am I kidding he probably will. But…wow, I’m just…I’m just so excited for Season 2.

So yeah…that’s Season 1 of The Magnus Archives. The fact that I already feel changed by this series, both for better and for worse, within the first season…it just gets me so excited and mortified all at once. There’s still so much story potential, so many mysteries to be solved, and I can’t wait to hear it all for myself. Honestly, the fact that there’s so many plot lines, and the only one to be kind of resolved The Flesh Hive and Jane Prentiss arc…that’s insane. So, I’m just going to leave a list of things I want answers on down here.

- The Anglerfish

- Breekon and Hope

- The Table and The Impersenator

- The Keay Family

- Micheal Crew

- Jurgen Leitner and his fucked up books

- The house on Hill Top Road

- The Heat Entity and its cult

- The People’s Church of The Divine Host

- Trevor Herbert and his companion

- Antonio Blake

- The Eyes

- The Lukas Family

- Mikaele Salesa

- The Meat

- The Spiders and The Lighter

- The Fairchilds

- Jonah Magnus and the founding of The Institute

- The Circus of The Other

- “Micheal” and The Fractals

- The true nature of The Flesh Hive

- Robert Smirke and his passages

- John Amherst and the infection

- The backstories of the main cast

- The death of Gertrude Robinson

- And finally, what the hell is going to happen next?

So, there’s a wrap on Season 1? Do I expect all of these questions to be answered in the next season? Absolutely not. Do I want all of them to be answered eventually? Yeah probably. If you’ve made it this far, thank you so, SO much. Like, you genuinely deserve an award for reading all of my insane rambling. I’ll be back with my thoughts on the first 10 episodes of Season 2 in due time, but for now, thank you and bye :).

[venusjaynie]

stranger things social media 4!

steve harrington x fem!reader

the older kids take a trip to paris over the thanksgiving holiday

(btw i don't use a faceclaim so 'reader' looks diff in every picture! i never want anyone to think the reader should look a certain way so i just use whatever pics i like!!)

y/ns.priv24

Liked by stevie.h, b.hargrove, nanceewheeler, and others.

yourinstagram; are you happy to be in paris?

View comments.

itsbuckleybitch: oui 🤌

stevie.h: holy

↳ y/ns.priv24: hi :)

↳ stevie.h: shit

thefreakmunson: i think stevie here is a little shaken up

↳ itsbuckleybitch: sureeee, he's just 'shaken up'

↳ stevie.h: ROBIN

nanceewheeler: marry me?

↳ y'ns.priv24: yes yes 100 times yes nancy wheeler

↳ stevie.h: wheeler dont make me kill you

↳ johnnybyers: yeah don't make steve kill you cause then i'll kill him

b.hargrove: how did u get your hair so slick wtf

↳ y/ns.priv24: so much gel and hours at the mirror

↳ b.hargrove: THATS what you were doing the whole time you were in the bathroom???

↳ y/ns.priv24: what is beauty if not pain and suffering

↳ b.hargrove: okay shakespeare

stevie.h

Liked by thefreakmunson, nanceewheeler, willthewise and others.

stevie.h: isnt she just the most perfect girl you've ever seen

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y/ns.priv24: i love you i love you i love you

↳ stevie.h: gonna go out on a limb here and say you might love me a little bit?

↳ y/ns.priv24: i have no idea where you got that idea

itsbuckleybitch: she is the most perfect ever

↳ nanceewheeler: agreed ^

↳ y/ns.priv24: aw you guys are the best

nanceewheeler

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nanceewheeler: home is whenever i'm with you

View comments.

b.hargrove: you guys are gross (affectionate)

↳ itsbuckleybitch: REALLLL

y/ns.priv24: cant wait to be your maid of honour and THEN your kids godmother

↳ nanceewheeler: you're gonna be the best aunty/godmother ever

↳ y/ns.priv24: fr

b.hargrove

Liked by madmaxx, stevie.h, nanceewheeler and others.

b.hargrove: i woke up at 2am to see this (lowkey regretting renting a house with a well equipped kitchen)

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y/ns.priv24: ugh me and my girls are so cuteeeee

↳ nanceewheeler: for realz.

↳ itsbuckleybitch: i love us

thefreakmunson: CAYOOT

↳ y/ns.priv24: okay queen eat it uppp

↳ thefreakmunson: please stfu 😍

itsbuckleybitch

Liked by b.hargrove, stevie.h, madmaxx and others.

itsbuckleybitch: when in... paris?

p.s. steve is head over HEELS

tagged: stevie.h

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y/ns.priv24: ARE THOSE FOR ME 😭 STEVE.

↳ b.hargrove: nah bitch they're mine tf??

↳ y/n.priv24: i hate you. WHORE.

↳ stevie.h: of course they're yours baby

↳ y/ns.priv24: idek which one of us you're talking to atp.

y/ns.priv24

Liked by stevie.h, nanceewheeler, willthewise and others.

y/ns.priv24: update: they're for me 🥹

also how the fuck am i meant to bring these back to hawkins.

View comments.

ElOhEl: AWWWW

↳ y/ns.priv24: I KNOW ISNT HE THE SWEETEST 🥹🥹

stevie.h: dw baby i'll just buy you more when we get home

↳ y/ns.priv24: STOP IT I CANT 😭😭

↳ johnnybyers: okay blueprint 🙄

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i love making these bruh.

[ravenadottir]

renaming characters: s1, s3 and s4

i just decided to compile all of them in one post since we all know these characters pretty well, and by that i mean i know SOME of the names from season 4.

season 2 / season 5 (i guessed/named them because i didn't play the season so... no stakes there!)

SEASON 1

allegra - she's very powerful, *clears throat* hot, and allegra as a name can be that...? i don't know, i feel like amber resumes this character so much, especially if you say it with her accent... amba... every amber in reality tv is a little too intense and we know she's the queen of cringey overreactions.

erikah - always thought laura would suit her better. i don't know why but i don't like erikah for her, but i think laura has a je ne sais quoi that she, the character, also has. she's very complicated and quite feeble at times, but her face tells me laura.

jen - she's clearly a fucking ashleigh. not for nothing, i know a lot of great ashleys', but the -eigh makes it so obnoxious and that's perfect for homegirl, because right off the bat she's claiming vanilla swirley hair romeo and ashleigh's tend to be like that... tell me you can't picture jen in a 2014 pinterest gear up in a pumpkin field wearing uggs and a fedora, i dare you to tell me she's not the type!

talia - is her full name natalia? 'cause it should be. in my humble opinion isla is a great name for her, (pronounced ay-lah) means island and it's spanish and scottish, perfectly beautiful for her, because let's be honest, if any of these girls is gonna have an interesting name, that's talia. hell, talia is already a great name!

jake - this is such a boring name for someone so full of flavor, i can't! he's not dabbed in caucasity nor adolescence, so why the fuck was he named jake???? mateo though... mateo is a fucking name, ok? it can be italian, spanish, portuguese, it doesn't matter. jake is such a 13-yo momma's boy name... ugh, no. if the guy has a collar popped like a fucking vampire and is walking around the villa with that hair, jake is not his name. PERIOD.

mason - i honestly like the name, just not for him. i always thought oliver would be a curveball because so is mason's lack of personality. let's face it they made a huge oopsie when interchanging levi's characteristics with his when coupled up with mc. mason is a drummer turned model, how the fuck did you manage to make him boring??? anyway, his face, to me, is giving oliver.

miles - he deserves a douche name because he has that chest piece, and any guy who displays such... awful tattoo deserves to be punished. fuck it, let's name him terry, short for terrible.

jasper - i mean, i HATE this name, and well, his face and hair is giving elité father tease, so i want to name santiago, because oh my god, every santiago i've met sucks ass and is a creep. the guy has a pet cobra, he HAS to be named santiago!

tim - this is the ONLY character who fits in the jake genre, because he looks 18 and clueless (affectionate). i feel like liam is somehow fitting for him, mostly because that's the go-to name in teen dramas... and usually the liam's are also clueless.

levi - why do his mates call him romeo is beyond me, homeboy has NO GAME. NONE. he's the personification (along with mason) of pretty privilege. if you stick a pin on his head it might deflate, because there's nothing going on behind those average eyes. fuck levi, his name is eric, basic and common.

rohan - since his name has multiple origins, and we don't know for sure his ethnicity (not that it matters, i know brazilian boys who are named tyler, so...) i'm naming him gael. he's a gael, argue with the wall.

cherry - have you ever seen a courtney??? because that's her! and she might be the type to say "although i have the same name as kourtney, khloe is my spirit animal" and you can't tell me she doesn't.

reese - tristan. fuck reese.

sammi - i would love to name her according to her ethnicity, because sammi apparently is hebrew. for instance, if she's korean: seong-min is perfect, because it's a genderless name and so it's sammi. also, i headcanon her as enby (she/them). if she's japanese, aya, because it can mean "brilliant fabric" and that's what she's fucking wearing. if chinese, yu ming, which means jade brightness, again... fitting! i like sammi, but i think it was a missed opportunity to name her in what could be her background culture, since lots of us don't know much, if anything about those countries. i for one didn't have any asian history classes in my school curriculum, which is weird because we had ajapanese immigration here, so like... MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. anyway, these are the names i would give her.

lucy - that's a rebecca that refuses being called becky, and will have a fit if you do. i don't have much to say about her, lucy can die in a hole.

~~

SEASON 3

elladine - she gives me "i have two L's in my name" but it's not elladine. it's something like danielle, which is really pretty and the first name that came to mind when i saw the teasers with her.

aj - this is a great name for her, i have to say! if anything i would've taken the same route and either use an acronym, like aj, or a "boy name" like robin. i honestly love that name for girls and enby's.

bill - honestly the caucasity is too much for me, and i have to say, the name has to fall into that category, so i'm naming him ryan! he's childish and you can tell nobody has told him to shut the fuck up ONCE in his life. his name is ryan and you can argue with the jar of mayo sitting next to him.

camilo - i don't like this for anybody, it's such an ugly name in my opinion. if they wanted to name him a latin name they could've gone with so many other prettier options, and to me he looks like a cauã (the last a is pronounced ahn). listen, cauã is indigenous from brazil, BUT it's so fitting for him, you'll have to trust me on this one! they're athletic and also very... um... let's say "active", and by that i mean they're all whores (affectionate). it's perfect for him.

harry - if zhong is his surname (and it's chinese), then i'm choosing my favorite boy name, which is jun hie. ((fun fact, zhong can also be a first name, and it can mean devotion, among other things that don't even slightly mean that, but i'm focusing on devotion)). harry looks like someone who deserves a cute name that has a deep meaning, and jun hie means outstanding.

nicky - what a bland ass name for someone so pretty! i like jamal for him, and i could stand here all day trying to come up with an excuse but truth be told, it's because of jamal sims (the coreographer), leave me alone he's hot ok!

seb - i actually think a cat name is perfect for him lol it's either seb or something stupid like axel or dash, which makes him INCREDIBLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT.

miki - i like it but i think something like sakura would be perfect. there's something about her that reminds me of the petals' colors... she's a pretty chill girl, and somewhat delicate, so i like sakura for her.

genevieve - i think it's perfect! it's dainty but has some strength to it. personally i think if i came up with a name for her it wouldn't be as good as genevieve. hate the nickname though, viv is really basic. call her vieve, man, what are you doing??

iona - i would never think of this name because i've never heard it before meeting her, but she gives me the vibe of a girl who has a big name but cool, short nickname, like andressa or andrea but the nick is andi. the choice is andi, you pick the original.

ciaran - this is a trent and you can argue with bill's mayo jar. he might be irish but his stance is the fucking white american who is a nice guy. i don't like his personality, or the lack of, and trent is a brainless guy, just like him.

tai - it's fucking perfect for him actually! when i saw him on the tease i thought of taika, tai or koa (joyful), but personally i think tai or koa are very fitting.

yasmin - whenever i see her i think of the exact color of iris, so that's the name. plus, she gives "hemp-skirt-wearing and having lesbian sex in an orange tent after lolapalooza" tease and that's why iris fits.

rafi - i don't like the name rafi for him, so... husani. it's pretty accurate, since it means 'handsome'. i also like how it sounds and i think it fits with his personality since that's... the only personality he has. "ah, but vena he talks about his brother-" i'm gonna stop you right there, because he does, but um... how many times did we get to see his depth? exactly.

lily (liliana) - she looks like a bruna to me. it is italian but we do have a lot of bruna's here, and honestly? THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME, and they look like that.

~~

SEASON 4

angie - she gives me strong vibes of alexandra, in a way that she hates her name and prefers a gender bent nickname, like alex. i don't like angie for her.

lexi - this absolute excuse of a person is a jessica to me, but the bad type. you know what i'm talking about, the type you have to call her out in the middle of a discussion because once again she's giving "THAT'S MY OPINION!!" tease. i hate this character so much, she's 46% of the reason why i stopped playing the season.

najuma - i love it but i would never think of this name since i've never heard it before. if someone suggested it, i would probably go with it, but if i had to pick one, it would be amani. i think najuma is better though.

thabi - honestly? pretty cool name for her, such a cute and short name, i would probably choose something like that. i'll keep it.

hazeem - not gonna lie i did NOT think he would have a muslim/arabic/urdu name when i saw him for the first time. and because i don't know NEARLY ENOUGH about the culture, i'm keeping it. he does look like a hazeem somehow.

james - it's such a common, bland, accessible name... then again, so is he. meh, james is fine. although he gives me benjamin... lol idk why, don't ask

kobi - this guy is such a... dynamic young man. there's a guy named calvin, from season 3 of the circle, and is the perfect summoning of what i think kobi is like. the type of guy that joins his fingers and gestures it to explain something, particularly to someone who hasn't asked anything. yeah, kobi's name is calvin.

will - ok, it would be EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN before will, especially knowing it's short for willem? LIKE, I FEEL SO BETRAYED- anyway, since he's japanese, and i wouldn't give him an engligh name, it's an opportunity to expand the character's culture a bit, so his name would be shigeru (lush), 'cause let's face it, the boy is pure lush... he has a fucking robe, it's perfect.

bruno - rafael vibes, and that's because here in brazil that usually goes to very annoying boys... (pronounced ha-fah-el). he just strikes me as a guy who doesn't know when to be quiet and well... he's a comedian, so you know that's fucking true.

youcef - if you told me he was french i would say pierre, because to be honest his face gives... absolutely nothing, so probably blanche? or blanc...? i don't know, he's just such a weird choice, all i think of is the "go back to party city where you belong" because of his hair. i'm definitely naming his blanche.

valentina - that's the most gabriela i've ever seen!! like... she's so fucking hot, i barely can think when i see her, and valentina is a beautiful name, just doesn't fit her vibe.

juliet - fuck this girl, i hate her design so much. and you know what, i also hate the name adrianna, so that's what i would name her. she has the vibe of someone who cuts you off to talk about herself and adrianna's love doing that shit.

cora - close but not quite, i would name her nova, because reasons. she just gives me nova vibes, maybe it's her style? maybe it's just how fresh she looks, idk, i just love the name nova for her.

tom - i'm not fucking with you, the first name that came to mind when i saw him was jerry, before knowing what he was called lol istg it's just jerry for me, the oldest most generic name for a guy that wears a goddamn suit on a summer trip.

kelly - i don't like the name kelly, it's really common in some regions here, i'm tired! plus, she breathes, walks and talks like a chloe, i can't imagine another name for her.

tiffany - hate this name, oh my god... if i had to moan tiffany at any given time, i would jump into an elevator shaft first. since they go by all pronouns, why not a gender neutral name? he gives me solid riley energy. i like it because of the girl in inside out and how there's male and female emotions in her head, so... riley.

dylan - he could be named rat for all i care. BUT i'm giving marcel, because that's what marcel's do, understimate women and are slightly misogynistic, and by slightly i mean a fuck ton. FUCK THIS GUY, FUCK HIS FACE, FUCK HIS BODY, FUCK HIS PERSONALITY. FUCK - THIS - CHARACTER.

oliver - at this point i don't even know, because he gives oliver, but he also gives mason, and also jason, basically names for guys that are ripped lol i think i would give him luke. don't ask, it's a luke thing!

[kanerallels]

A little late, but finally, here are my thoughts about MSATD 4x06!

Absolutely LOVE the way it started. Because of course these two would wind up being chased around an abandoned factory by a guy Eliza DRUGGED THIS IS THE THIRD TIME SHE'S POISONED SOMEONE AND I LOVE HER FOR IT

"I used to box for County Harwick" "does that mean something?" "IT MEANS QUITE A LOT" absolutely PERISHING it reminds me of that post about the person who pretended not to know what Harvard was

(also from a writing perspective I loooooooooooove the vibes of just throwing us into the middle/end of a case, showing us that they've been working on quite a few cases together! Plus it's just a fun way of writing things)

I'm very proud of Eliza for working with a large staff well and being able to handle things on her own!

UGH FITZROY'S JERK DAD SHOWED UP I HATE THAT GUY

Okay this was probably my favorite case of the season. The suspense, the way it handled Fitzroy's struggle over being given that promotion, and the culmination was *chef's kiss*

I read this post about how Eliza's allegiance is to the truth, while Nash's isn't to money, but to the memory and legacy of his brother and this episode DEFINITELY hammered that point home! The scene where he was struggling with whether or not to kill that guy? SO well done, Felix Scott has got mad skills

(also while I am not a Patrick x Eliza shipper.... from an objective point of view they had some GOOD moments in this episode)

(I mean come on. "you're the only one who's ever believed in me"? Him putting down the gun for her and only shooting O'Driscoll when he tried to kill Eliza? Those are some pretty immaculate vibes. I'm still ride or die for Williza, but I can see where the Patrick x Eliza shippers are coming from)

(okay and the moment in Patrick's cell where he said that he wanted her to believe he was a good person and she said that would never happen (affectionate), but then he said "Perhaps not. But I'll keep trying anyways"? Giving SERIOUS Rose In Bloom vibes. If you know, you know)

ANYWAYS BACK TO THE PLOT I also really really really LOVED the last scene between Fitzroy and his father. He stood up to him!! And told him that he didn't care if he was disappointed in him!! And the fact that he might not have a lot of ambition wasn't painted as a bad thing!! I LOVED IT A LOT OKAY

Oh also I didn't really like Phelps taking William's place at first, but the idea's grown on me a lot in this past episode. I liked the part where he basically told Fitzroy that he shouldn't be doing this job to get a pat on the back-- while I get where my boy Fitzroy was coming from, and Phelps is definitely a lot harsher than I approve of, it reminded me of a scene in The Rookie. And therefore gets a pass. I also liked the way it showed that Fitzroy and Phelps are at their best when they're working together!

Oh and! I liked the moment where Eliza and Mr. Potts were talking and she finally elected to be honest with him, and that's what won him over. EXCELLENT scene, I really liked it

(also I loved how Fitztroy, when he was Stressed, rubbed his hand over his face like William does. These are the things I obsessively notice. I have issues)

And then I REALLY liked the ending. The whole "Eliza goes to work for Nash" plotline has never been my absolute favorite. It just doesn't feel super true to who she is-- instead of being the only female detective in the city, she's a female detective working under Nash. And while I did enjoy their partnership more than I expected, I'm so glad to see her back in her own office, where she belongs. And she finally changed the name at the top of the sign!!

(and OBVIOUSLY I loved the William flashback at the end)

So overall, this was a really fun season!! Even though I was sad to not have William for the last two episodes, they were still really fun. Eliza and Patrick have great chemistry together on screen, and they're a really fun duo to watch!

Also, even those I missed Moses a LOT, I enjoyed some of the new characters-- namely, Clarence-- and the focus on some of the old ones, like Fitzroy and Phelps!!

And I DEFINITELY can't wait for the next season

[creativecuteness]

Just a little Fic I'm working on

This is a sneak peek for a fanfiction that I'm posting this Friday. Inspired by Island of the slaughter AU by @Evaee-ry on both Tumblr and Tiktok.

The fresh ocean breeze left a salty taste in her mouth and nostrils as the bow rocked to and fro. She stared at her reflection in the clear blue water with purpose, with the cloudless sky, orbiting sea gals, and cool breeze it was a perfect summer day. Perfect for swimming, fishing, and cold creamy treats but it wasn’t perfect to her in fact; the last thirty days couldn’t have been more stressful.

She glanced at her associate out of the corner of her eye. The sun always had a way of hitting his handsome features just right his short black hair, subtle beard, and brown eyes. He was wearing a white T-shirt with a teal green one over it, dark shoes, and brown khakis. his sorry excuse for a signature outfit.

To many Christopher McLean was the Canadian equivalent of a Hollywood icon, he has appeared in countless movies, was a host for serval radio shows, podcasts, and reality tv shows (Put a pin in for that last one) And he was handsome to boot especially when the light hits him just right. But to her it wasn’t endearing as much as it was annoying.

Dakota Natalie (Age 16) knew full well that Chris’s nice guy act was nothing more than that. His quote-on-quote acts of selflessness was just a way to paint himself as a humble chivalrous not your average celebrity kind of guy. But below the surface the countless fangirls and mutual respect were the many ways he stroked his own ego. In actuality Chris was an egomaniac, narcissistic, and overall insufferable and any brave fool who tried to call him out on it would be fired on the spot and taken to court for ludicrous charges. Only a fool would work for Chirs and sadly Dakota, their captain manning the boat, and two junior high schoolers were those fools.

She turned herself fully to get a better look at Chris as he smoked his cigarette, he truly had no care in the world and that just added to the young girl’s disgust. How could he be so nonchalant about this? Were his staff and actors just that disposable to him? Or maybe he was starting to feel an ounce of regret and couldn’t risk showing that vulnerability. Dakota liked to think it was the second option but the logical side of her knew what was going on in his twisted brain.

Chris lowed his cigarette and puffed out smoke all of which hitting the brunette square in the face making her start hacking as she fanned the air as the smoke stung her eyes and lungs.

“Ugh, yet another reason why I shouldn’t start smoking.”  She prayed; the repulsive stench wouldn’t linger on her clothes. A brown skinned girl with purple hair in a braid handed her some water which she gladly drank. Once her coughing fit ended, she gave Chis the best death glare she could muster.

“Watch were you’re blowing that stuff are you trying to kill me too.” She spat, a small part of her wanting to throw the tv host overboard.

“Hey, I gave you a warning, but you were so lost in my beauty I guess you didn’t hear me.” He remarked teasingly, even in her observation she didn’t see his lips moving once he hadn’t said anything to her, and he knew she knew that. Barely anything gets past her.

“Pfft as if.” She scuffed crossing her arms and leaning back on the railing, “I’m just seeing if you regret leaving twenty-two teenagers on a deserted island while you left to save your own hide.”

Chris’s featured softened for once letting his ego deflate as he gave his assistant an affectionate pat on the head. She had the urge to push it away but moments like this were rare and far between, so she let it slide (Just this once.)

“Look, as much as I hate admitting my wrong doings you have a point.” He sighed, taking another drag from his cigarette this time blowing in the direction of the wind (And out of her face.) “I shouldn’t have left those kids on the island with a crazy killer.” He spoke, “It’s just seeing Ezekiel’s head and severed body parts I panicked. I didn’t know what to do, what was I supposed to do?”

“Uh, bring them with you!” She snapped banging her fist on the metal railing, startling their other two helpers who were playing Go Fish using a barrel as a makeshift table, “Call authorities and let them handle the rest! But no, you had to selfishly leave giving those kids no way out and all of which could be dead thanks to you. How do we tell their parents they’ll sue you from here to Timbuktu, your reputation will be ruined, and you have yourself to blame for this McLean!” She yelled, giving him another hateful glare.

Chris had to hand it to her, just like Hearther her looks could kill, and it left him regretting waiting this long to rescue them.

A Hispanic teenager with short brown hair watched the scene unfold, he thanked his lucky stars he wasn’t chosen for the show. As Chris and Dakota argued back and forth on the morality of their situation; he eyed the purple haired girl and motioned her to invite Dakota to play with them.

She nodded in understanding not wanting this short-term alliance to be the end of them before their search even began. “Hey Dakota!” She spoke waving to her, “Why don’t you play with us? We need a third player to even the playing ground.”

Dakota thought for a moment, giving a small glance at Chris wondering if he had any final words on their conversation, but figured it’d be better to just end it now. “Fine deal me in.” She agreed, not giving the former host a second glance as she joined the two acquaintances, her expression still stormy and didn’t even make small talk. The only time she did was to ask for a card.

When you realize there's another Dakota in Total Drama and need to specify this is a completely different character and by that, I mean this is my main OC. Fully chapter will be out on ao3, fanfiction.net, and Tumblr Friday February 2nd.

[justatalkingface]

I will say, now that we’re (hopefully) nearing the end of this manga, hori really can’t handle all of these characters. I’m not saying MHA would magically be the greatest thing in the world, things wouldn’t feel nearly as muggy and lame as they do right now if we just cut a lot of people. This is supposed to be the final battle, the ultimate showdown, and every three seconds we need to get a quick backstory because there are so many people in this story that they have never been given time to properly be developed. A good example to me is Shoji. He’s a super neat dude with a cool quirk who faces discrimination and was the victim of a horrible hate crime. He seems incredibly sweet and affectionate, and he seems to have some strong (badly written, but still strong) beliefs about hero society. And we get to hear about all those things……in a single chapter during the final arc before we are thrown into a different fight because we have a hamlets worth of characters and we gotta finally use them before it all ends. All of the characters in mha have a unique premise, but most have the depth of the puddle at best, and I feel you could cut a lot of people and very little would be lost. Allow the characters with the most potential to use all that time to actually develop instead of having to ration it out. Its just, ugh. Hori will get these ideas and staple them into a story without thinking if they’re actually necessary or if they’re being used properly.

Yeah. There's a bunch of layers to the character disconnection happening, a lot of which probably could have been avoided if he had an editor willing to make him cut content... but that probably requires too much time on a Jump schedule, and if he had that much time maybe it would have been better anyways.

*shrug*

Hori has been almost compulsively making and ditching characters throughout the entire story, which means there are both a lot of characters around that need to be dealt with, one way or another. Because he keeps forgetting them, or ignoring them, that means their... entire ass story is still sitting out there in the wind, and there's one last major story arc to try and patch them up.

Because he hasn't developed Shoji, and his racism arc, or that wind guy with the attitude problem who was easily strong enough to be in this last battle(s), when they drop them in for a few chapters for 'resolution', even the best effort would seem kind of empty, because it's still going from A to, like, F, all at once.

And... this isn't the best work, clearly, which make it even worse.

To some extent, the fact that it's coming to us week by week makes the whole thing hard to keep track of, when the situation is this big and spread out, and I think if you just read through it in a few sittings, the final arc would make more sense... but all the fundamental problems are not going to be solve by reading it in a better format.

Like... if I was in the position Hori was in? Lots of characters, big end arc coming, need to amp the drama? I just... wouldn't have put them all in? I think just not resolving them would go over better than a bad resolution.

Alternatively, raise the stacks eight-fold, and have SFO hit UA or something, and just kill a lot of people. Makes SFO/AFO seem like a bigger threat, get rid of the surplus characters, help motivate the characters and helps make it clear that the shit is real, now, and help make it seem like things changed after this is all over, because I bet after all of this the status quo will be god once more, even if you think a civil war bringing a country to the edge of implosion would have changed... something.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Being a 'Bitch'

I wrote this a long time ago, but it came back up again today. <3

My mom likes to tell stories about me when I was a little girl. I have an above average memory, and I remember the actual events for every recap she routinely gives. Her favorite topic is me ‘using my voice.’

See, I’m small. I’ve always been small. When I was in the second grade, and we began a measurement unit in math, I was the only kid who only needed a yardstick and a ruler. Everyone else needed 2 rulers with their yardstick. I’m only 5′1 NOW. And I’m quiet. I’ve always been quiet. I don’t say much out loud, to avoid judgment and confrontation. So before I could write semi-legibly, and certainly before I could type 60+ wpm, there weren’t many words put forth. This made people around me expect a meek, squeaky voice, and they surely never expected me to use it to assert myself in any way (because, like many submissives I’ve read about, while I didn’t have a label for a while, I’ve *always* been submissive). But my voice is actually quite loud and clear, and I have expectations about how I should be treated, and boundaries that I’ve ‘never been shy about enforcing.’ (Mom’s words there.) That’s true. I wish Mom’s tone wasn’t so snide when she said it though…that she didn’t find it so obviously distasteful that I enforce my boundaries.

When I was in preschool, I stayed with my grandparents while my parents worked. My tricycle lived there, because that’s where most of my daytime hours were. I used to ride it up and down the sidewalk on their side of the street. They lived on an aging, urban street, and most of their neighbors were also elderly retirees. One of these neighbors was Mr. W. His house was 5 houses up from my grandparents’, and he liked to tease me for being small and quiet. It wasn’t really *malicious* teasing (I’m certain HE thought it was cute), but it bothered me. He called me ‘Pixie.’ ‘Here comes Pixie on her big bike!’ he’d boom as I pedaled down the sidewalk. I hated it. So finally, I corrected him with my voice-too-big-for-my-body-and-demeanor. ‘My name is NOT Pixie. It’s <my name.>’ He tried a shortened version of my first name next. ‘Ok, —-y….’ Ugh. ‘No. Not ‘—-y.’ My name is <my FULL, un-cutesified name>.’ My mom thought this was incredibly rude of me. She told me so. She continues to tell me so occasionally now that I’m over 40. ‘He was just an old man trying to be nice and funny with a cute little girl.’ Tell me THAT sentence isn’t creepy. But anyway, Mr. W never called me ‘Pixie’ again. When I started kindergarten, this kid in my class used to chase me around the playground at recess trying to kiss me. I didn’t find it ‘cute.’ I didn’t want to be kissed. I’ve never liked being touched in any social setting, and I thought school definitely counted. I am certain I never gave this kid what could be interpreted as a hint in any universe that I wanted his affectionate attention. I’m ‘standoffish.’ After weeks of him taking all of my precious jump rope time away at recess, instead of running from him, which only seemed to be encouraging him (doesn’t it *always* encourage those guys…at any age?), I confronted him. ‘I’m trying to *jump rope,* ok? Back. Off!’ Of course, this came up on parent-teacher night. I got a mild kindergarten lecture about how ‘he just LIKES you…’ Again…I didn’t have to be so mean. Maybe not. But he quit chasing me around threatening to kiss me. Into high school, I didn’t care what the popular kids were doing or wanted or thought of me. I didn’t care much for peer pressure about drinking or drugs or sex. I saw it for what it was. I’ve never liked feeling pressured in any way. It makes me anxious and uncomfortable, and I’ve never felt like just giving in to someone making me anxious with their demands would lessen that anxiety. Nobody saw the anxiety, though. They just saw ‘goody-two-shoes.’ Clearly, I wasn’t popular. Haha! I didn’t get invited to much. Parties. Dances. Dates…nope. Because I had a reputation. Not *that* reputation. The other ‘bad’ one: ‘Don’t even bother with her. She’s a *bitch.*’ I didn’t like being known as a bitch, but anxiety wouldn’t let me be anything else. Frankly, I wish I had that other ‘bad’ reputation. But you know…the ‘no touching in social settings?’ Yeah, that kinda prevented that one.

So ‘bitch’ stuck  My own mother has called me a bitch on multiple occasions. For arguing with her, for not doing what she wanted me to do, for not behaving like she would behave or thought I should behave…*in adulthood.* I was a bitch at work for standing up for my own unfair treatment, and that of the other 11 total women in the national company who did my job. I was a bitch on a lot of dates for having a differing opinion about sports or politics…or especially for ‘moving too slow.’

Eventually, I began to believe it. Those memes that say what you hear about yourself becomes your inner voice…your inner critic…that’s true. I’d meet new people and they’d see some boundary of mine casually crossed at a social gathering of some kind, and watch me…react. They’d give me that same surprised look I got when I was little for ‘using my voice.’ So then I’d explain in self-description, with a friendly, disarming laugh, ‘Oh yeah, by the way…I’m a *bitch.*’

Then I met J. ’A *bitch!?* Hahahahahaha! No. Just…no.’

So now that I’ve been J’s for a long time, I hear things like this from other people in my life… ‘How come you did that for J? You wouldn’t do that for ME (this was about *wearing the color pink*)…Why is it ok for J to call you <nickname I love>? No one else can even call you ‘—-y’…You’re so NICE to J.’ Well, yeah. Of course I’m nice to J. I want to do things that I know please him, and the other folks who like to think they know me assume I’ve succumbed to HIS demands and disrespect when theirs never went over. They’re clearly jealous. Not in a ‘they want me’ kind of a way. None of them are like that. Hell, the most repeat offender of She Does That For J Jealousy is my mom. They don’t want me. They just want to know what J’s secret is. Wanna know what it is? I’ll let it out on the tumblr blog…

You know who’s never called me a bitch? Not ONCE? J. You know who’s also never treated me with disrespect? Intentionally tried to short me out of something I needed to do my best? Crossed a line he knew was an anxiety triggering boundary? Pressured me to do anything that made me feel anxious? Seriously…NEVER? You know who can actually TELL when I’m feeling anxious, and CARES to alleviate it? Sir. You know who’s never told me I was rude for expressing an emotional limit? Who LIKES and APPRECIATES the honesty and clarity? Sir. That’s His secret. Now all of tumblr knows.

J might be the only person alive who doesn’t think I’m a bitch. But his is the only opinion of me that counts in my book, anyway. Maybe that makes me a bitch.