#two guesses on what im doing rn
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i like ms paint but i like mspaint-esque pressureless brushes more.
exclusive never before seen art process snapshot under cut.
this is what it actually looks like in the canvas. it was a warmup for a larger thing and took way too long so my frustration is justified i think
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home24uck#home2t4ck#dirk strider#jake english#dirkjake#decapitation cw#gddddiiii ialways forgett that one. fuck#admin draws#fanart#anywways uhh tags! context!#first one is post tussle. because i am living vicariously through them#i too want to laugh with a friend and have that soothe the sting from the scrapes and aggrevate the bruised ribs#second one. heat map. pieces of you that you left behind#its something ive been thinking about a lot lately as a framing for trauma. a part of you thats still back there.#the way these two step on each others toes in a more general way too. neither means to. it still happens#i saw art a while ago that speculates on dirk being reminded of the disappearifier whenevr jake is on his shoulders and that stuck with me#im in such a mood with these two again sorry. this is what joining a discord 4 the alpha kids does to your brain#drinking sparkling water straight out of a liter bottle and jamming out to verka serduchka rn what can u do.#guess what im drawing. smile :)
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painting....
#i HATE. mixing colors just cause my pallet is a MESS#ITS A FUCKIGN MESS I CANT WOKR#work#also i suck ass at proportions what two years of art school without drawing or painting from reference will do to you i guess...#im missing the 1st year me rn tbh#like im messing up proportions SO BAD#i think its fine but im like... i think theres some tiny error here.. and i take a photo and EVERYTHING is wrong#of well#i knowww ill get better at it if i try uhhhhhh..... i wanna try id loove to paint and take a painting workshop next semester maybe...???#if im good enough
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Hi snap how are you 2day ^_^
yknow anon im really having A Day today that is for sure
#snap chats#ughhhhhhhHHHHHHH ITS NOT EVEN ELEVEN AND IM OVER IT#i gotta go to class in about twenty minutes and while i love the class i really just wanna stay home and draw#but then im gonna get lunch and then i have to drive to a funeral home for my other class#and we'll prob be there like an hour before my last class and THATS like a three hour class#and then i gotta drive home...#at this current point in time im alright but its the dread of everything to come#its not even that bad im just a baby. and tired. . OH WAIT#chat you didnt remind me i said i wanted to get tiramisu today: im praying my faovrite matcha place has their matcha tiramisu#i wanted to get it last time but they were sold out.... i wanna get some for my bro and i before i drive back home for the weekend#uhhh anything else??? OH. while im pursuing that should i pick up manhunt... or whatever i can find of it at my comic shop...#like chat is it worth it... again on one hand i think charles looks gorg in that one issue but on the other... Everything Else...#ugh i did say id read it with yall no.... they dont got it online yet do they.....#i mean i guess itd be funny to own idk. do i even have room on my shelf..... i can make room yeah....#i have at least an hour or two to decide on that let me know what i should do#at the very least talking with yall always brightens up my day. even if the brightening is from watching the flames of the x office rn#we have fun here.... that's all that matters...
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mcdonald goodsir talking scene but its like an hour bc i just would like to see them talk more
#oh fics i must write things i must think#not to imply im not giving my two current fics my all i just am doing varying degrees of brain power on writing#i want to do a refresh on my one college gothic course bc i'm going to be doing ghosts in my next#multichapter fic where idk if this will change talk about things i need to pin down but#i think it will be collins crozier and eventually tozer who are able to see ghosts and they exist but i'm#going to be keeping it where generally ppl don't think this is real at all slash like#idk the spiritualism movement etc is like our real world but the thing is ghsots REALLY DO exist i guess osrt of just furthering#the yes and of tunnbaq actually eating these guys souls#but i also dont know what else im changing bc like rn its just like ok everything the same but i get to describe how to certain characters#its MUCH worse actually like imagine tozer seeing irving in camp only for him to later see his body being brought back idk#i think im gonna combo i tmaybe with the one wild thing i started back when venus in furs had me GOT#where tozer makes his own mutiny but ugh we shall see#i'm considering letting manson also see ghosts idk man i know this fic cant to everything but im also like#oh tee hee i can write morfin and collins and oh tom hartnell is here and of course tozer#and then new we are also saying fuck it and adding crozier which opens#lots of things#ENSEMBLE CAST CURSE YOU like looove this show but why are there so many guys#if i want to write a sick and cool fic i have to think about too many guys and then i shoot myself in the foot by going#yeah ok..... and what if we explored so much in this one thing#says the guy who also has to go through hoops to write terror fic sorry i forget my roots#i act like i didnt fucking make fictional show mickey's sister the same as his real life one and made her a lesbain in high school#LIKE MY BROTHER IN CHRIST it doesnt matter#i guess its just bc i worry i dont get these guys and again theres too many of them#like what if i write c#well they are all fictional#anyways i shouldn't put in the tags so much if you read this im giving u a kiss
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I wish I could just play video games all day as my job bc I have so many things I wish I could do like playing all 19 mainline Final Fantasy games in order. Unfortunately I would never be able to attract a big enough audience to make a living though because I would be doing things like playing all 19 mainline Final Fantasy games in order
#rambling#also theres the fact that i have to investigate Every Nook And Cranny#and other people usually find it incredibly boring to watch me spend two hours just opening Every Barrel in a given location#(although i guess that part could be solved by posting edited videos instead of vods or livestreaming)#seriously tho i would love to be able to do stuff like this#ive also wanted to play every mainline pokemon game (one from each gen) in order for a while now (plus some spinoffs)#and recently ive been thinking it would be neat to play every mainline tes game in order (although daggerfall would be a pain)#the only series ive tried to play every game + dlc in order so far is dragon age tho#and i ran out of free time partway through my inquisition replay so i never got to finish that 😞#(i still need to go back for that before i play veilguard bc i never played trespasser 😭 but i dont have the time for either of them rn)#i havent even had time to finish bg3. now that i think about it playing all the baldurs gates games in order would be cool tho...#and im still working on BREATH OF THE WILD...#although thats partly bc im stalling the boss fight with ganon so i can finish all the side quests and find all the shrines first lol#ill get to tears of the kingdom eventually... i hope#OH my god. playing every legend of zelda game in chronological order would be SO cool#theyve got that funky timeline stuff going on i could do like branching paths in the playlists or smth like???#why cant i have the free time to just play video games all day every day 😭😭😭#also for the pokemon games what if i let my audience like vote for which game i would be playing in each gen or smth that could be cool#(im doing ruby for gen 4 tho thats non negotiable)#aahhhh i have so many ideas and exactly zero time for them#and there probably wouldnt be that many people interested in them anyway 😭#i mean that would probably be thousands of hours of gameplay whos gonna watch all that
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waow
#before anything else i must warn this is going to be. unorganized thoughts mostly#in the last year or so ive tried to regain confidence that i am in fact plural and am not just faking it#or mistaking other symptoms for DID. shake off the denial y'know. as is so signature for this damn disorder#a diagnosis probably wouldnt even make me feel more sure lol. and also getting diagnosed for this specifically is like#the final boss of psychiatry to put it lightly lol#but when it quiets down in headspace ur always gonna feel like. maybe its over. whatever that was#it was just me and brandy for a while#but guess who had a godawful night and then a godawful morning and split a new alter ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥#he hates it here! he might hate me for creating him! im not sure !#hell im not even rly sure if im juno or brandy rn lol. my mind is just so messy today#i woke up.. when did i wake up. like 9:30 i think and its 1pm now and i haven't gotten out of bed#i don't even remember all that time passing . i couldve sworn its only been like an hour. two at most#on the one hand this has all been kinda terrible and mentally exhausting but at the same time. hey cant say im faking now LMAO#the other hand is brandy. the other hand is absolutely brandy. i am tired lol#im only posting this here so i can just like. process it i guess#ive had a weird time finding an outlet to just spew random thoughts into since leaving twitter so. sorry#idk if anyone's expecting this of me but i always kinda feel like i need some level of professionalism on this account#keyword some. i know this is tumblr#but idk if these very open posts are. annoying? weird? uncomfortable? entertaining somehow?#i know I know theres no point in worrying abt how others percieve you . knowing that hasnt stopped me from doing it lol#i dont remember where i was going w this. maybe i didnt have a goal in the first place#idk if you read this far i dont rly need u to act like u didnt see it cuz like. wouldnt have posted it otherwise#but idk why i am posting. idk what i want out of anyone who has read all this#maybe just. interact w this post in some way idk. it's actually kinda grounding for me if you can believe it#bleghh im thinkin of cheating on my weed break just to treat myself after all this. weed + a long walk would fix me
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Locked myself in the paper writing dungeon for the past 5 hours or so(well and the entire academic dungeon for the past day as a whole) and now I am back out in the sunlight !!!!
I'm dying though, I was joking to my friend earlier about how I was def gonna end up submitting the final paper for our class at some absurd time. So he threw out a very specific arbitrary time, and guys. Guess what. Guess what time I submitted the paper, completely by accident. Guess what time, guys.
#no bcs genuinely i was getting close to the time but i didnt really think about it#and then i had the submission open and i glanced at the time and i kid you not it was the exact fucking time he said#WHAT THE HELL.#it was meant to be i guess#this paper process was weird. sitting here kinda sleep deprived in a maniac way. drinking only coffee and red bull#listening to shosty and getting way too into it and biting myself DSKJSKDL#what finishing the semester and writing a paper at late hours does to a man#ah another paper down. where i yet again am like. IS THIS SUFFICIENT??? I DONT KNOWWWWWWWW#and yet another paper where i went past the page count. as always.#yet i still never feel as though its actually sufficient#though i must say my ego is very boosted rn due to getting perfect score on the last two assignments for my other prof#who is apparently considered a tough grader so ?????#guess im doing okay !#i havent touched tumblr all day aaaaaghhhh i was truly in hell#though not that upset considering#i must say. the way my star wars obsession has hit me goddamn full force#kept taking breaks from this paper....only to watch the BTS from the Prequels or read lore. WHY AM I LIKE THIS#well it is done :) lets hope it wasnt half bad !!#catie.rambling.txt
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god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak
#it kinda doesnt feel real for me idk why#like i do not actually process all of it??#tho I DO have ideas and thinking i did pay attention#maybe i've just had a wild day i guess#but also oh god vex'ahlia broke my heart#twice#first time were when scanlan was talking how he couldn't be at two places at the same time to help 'em and she said nobody gives a fuck#i feel so bad for scanlan rn i love him#haven't watched campaing to the bard's lament yet but oh fuck im too spoiled i do know what happens where (a little bit)#the second time was when she said she really cares for percy i started crying at that moment#also im a lil bit disappointed cuz i thought we would get percys death and vex's spech but we got “i open the door completly naked” scene ->#and im very happy we got it like oh wow i didn't expect that#but idk im just a girl and i love percahlia's slowburn#since i watched 64 eps of actual campaign it become hard for me to not compare campaign and tlovm cuz obviosly its very different#but with percahlia in tlovm we don't have hours and hours of campaign context#(we don't have percy making her arrows)#and i understand why cuz 100+ streams 3+ hours each is one thing and animated series with 12 eps of 25 minutes is another#but as i said previosly it is very hard for me to not compare it#by the way i do think changes in tlovm make sense#cuz like?? i think vex is more sharpy in tlovm than in campaign?? like#like she punced scanlan in first season and in campaign they are kinda good friends and i really love them??#*punched#and i think she's more ?? bossy i guess?? idk how to put it into words but in my head it makes sense “i open the door completly naked” ->#goes earlier than “i shouldve told you its yours” cuz shes playing pretend even more than in campaign???#acts like its casual when its actually isnt AT ALL#and im glad percy said “what is it i want” to vex cuz its kinda like that scene in campaign when percy talked to vax#when he called them all family for the first time and said he's trying to find what he wants in life#i love percy and vax dynamic btw#i wanted to write even more here but apparently i can do only 30 tags wtf#they want me to actually write posts oh no. hate to put it all in tags but im too nervous abt posting on the internet
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they have GOT to release more unsleeping city merch btw im so . im so in need im SO in need dude come on.
#anyway the fact that the its gorgug keep going crewneck is in stock rn is a goddamn miracle#esp when most of the other fantasy high merch isnt#BUT LIKE DUDE#there's like. what there're two tshirts? for tus?#and like. i think outside clothes they had the vox pins and the mr march calendar poster that im NOT BUYING .#though i guess they did get 2 plushies which is cool. the thing is thats not like#idk#i cant wear those . out LMAO and also i feel kind of worse spending 35 dollars on a plush that'll kinda just sit in my room#as opposed to spending 35-45 dollars on a sweatshirt that i can wear around sometimes and go Yay :) i get to wear this td :)#whatever i miss the unsleeping city so bad#pleeease next intrepid heros season PLEASSEEE .#i guess. hm i mean i dont know#i finally finished chapter 2 a couple weeks ago and i do understand if theyd rather just like. leave it?#like it doesnt feel like it NEEDS to be continued. but like man#i miss pete i miss kingston . i MISS KUGRASH but that freak's never coming back.#tus chapter 1 is still maybe my favorite season of d20 ever. :(
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Elena:My pronouns are what/ever/major/loser, now get out of my room!
Felix:Yeah, I told loser it's time for dinner. (gets smacked) Ow, quit it, I'm respecting your pronouns!
#source:tumblr#black survival incorrect quotes#incorrect quotes#eternal return incorrect quotes#can we get more people doing erbs incorrect quotes so the tag autosaves. for me in particular#(no clue if that's how it works i just know that tag refuses to auto-suggest)#elenablacksurvival#felixblacksurvival#i've made other quotes of those two right. this isn't the only one#GUESS WHAT GUYS! I CANNOT FIND ANY QUOTES FOR THEM!#CONGRATULATIONS ELENA AND FELIX THIS IS BOTH OF YOUR FIRST QUOTES#im having that kind of anxiety that makes me have zero filter rn so i'm gonna talk about them#i'm usually always open for lgbt head cannons for characters. see above:magnus#(i think it's hilarious to make him be a gay misogynist still even if i know my old takes were mostly. well#the kind of stuff that happens if you give a high person a 200mg edible?)#but i incredibly do not buy felix as being not straight. sorry singular felix fan#not a diss. i'm the singular zahir fan i getchu#elena i buy in the way i. see above. buy magnus. i buy her being a lesbian who hates men#but also idk i incredibly do not think those two can be lgb. i never deny a character being t though#felix could have tboy swag sure#i KNOW he also has used his spear like a witch's broom as a joke at least once
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dokja doing his best time and time again to help junghyeok with regressor depression…. I see the sauce being cooked here
#it’s gay sauce#for gay people.#going post#Orv#tbh dokja I think you should just tell junghyeok everything at this point. not for gay reasons but to make things easier#these two work rlly well together when junghyeok isn’t trying to kill dokja imagine how they’d be if they were fully on the same page too#every day there’s a new fuckin dokkaebi. where do they keep getting these guys#and why do they keep getting cuntier#A THANOS SNAP???#choosing between a thanos snap and killing the strongest incarnation. alright everyone time to speed up on the killing nirvana thing I gues#Junghyeok relying on the predictability of knowing everything…. You can take the man out of the timeloop but you can’t take the timeloop ou#of the man#(I know he’s not out of his regressions but sh)#‘I can’t think of a way to correct this’ junghyeok aren’t you supposed to be smart? Stop being stupid#dokja gets me. that’s why he’s also a reader#Ohhh okay we’re having a Big Talk now. good job dokja#‘But the real problem is when you’ve finally managed to save the world’ THATS WHAT IM SAYING!!!!! DOKJA GETS ME#YOU CAN TAKE THE MAN OUT OF THE TIMELOOP BUT YOU CANT TAKE THE TIMELOOP OUT OF THE MAN!#unless junghyeok kicks his regressor’s depression in the ass and learns not to rely on knowing future scenarios so much.#and they’re on a rooftop…. The symsbsnolismm….#Oh wait dokja’s making a different point#ah. ptsd.#well that’s part of my argument I guess#Ohhhhh I love dokja getting to be a prophet rn. and junghyeok realizing he’s onto some shit#‘This world you’re about to abandon could be the only world where you can live to see it end as a human being’ OOOOF. OOF.#that’s heavy#Anyway time for comic relief. sorry Uriel but no gay sex yet#‘Who’s the strongest incarnation?’ Junghyeok: no doubt it’s me#……………………………….#DOKJA IS ALSO CONSIDERING HIMSELF THE STRONGEST?? GUYS
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i wish i had more thoughts on the playlist event beyond "omg its so cool its happening" and "omg im so sad its ending" etc etc. i need to like reread what's been said about each playlist bc that's the one thing I probably dont do enough. i just have the gist of what i remember from when i read it on sunday and then the rest of it is just me going "whoa i can really see xyz listening to this" except for jopson who i constantly want to strangle bc what the fuck do u mean. Jopson and miss jamie's mixtape drive me up the WALLS im ripping my nails off thinking about them (jopson what do u listen to off the clock brother and well. dave just tell me who put what on the playlist u dont need to confirm anything at all beyond who put what on the playlist, just give me one song per guy dave i dont think its a big ask)
#jokes i say to myself uuh well he confirmed everything by putting that one crozier song i took off my crozier playlist but i gotta stop#thinking about that and talking about that im sorry everyone for being annoying about that for real#like yeah ian cig whatever my name is shut up brother ur making a huge deal of nothing like a little freak and not positive#but regardless#i do want to know who put what on that mixtape MIXTAPE aughshkdjhg e#i could cry thinking about how this event is almost over like I hope the playlist posts early or the time its been posting this sunday bc i#hoping to really party it up before i have to go do a STINKY STINKY STINKY shift of work and then#i will be super unhinged after that#truly sorry everyone im going to be insufferable on sunday#but also crozier didnt put me at post limit at all#i didnt expect that especially bc jfj really#she took me out way before bedtime#but crozier#i think i was in such absolute shock for so many reasons#like GOD FUCK there are so many crozier choices where i was just like man#i cried and threw up a little bc i was overwhelmed with emotion#you could say im normal abotu thingsb ut also i guess we are lying#the throw up moment was the song i recognized from my crozier playlist and two other songs that have appeared#on other playlists of mine so i had a delusional moment of like being like#HAS HE LISTENED TO MY PLAYLISTS ???????? DOES HE KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THEM#but then i calmed down and saw reality and was like ok#its fine#bc its like my brother in christ one of the things u are donig is trying to not only get into the minds of the characters#but also picks that you think the creator of those characters would pick when thinking about a modern au for them#like chill out god#im not sorry for how i am about the playlist event i think its been more freeing to express my joy about it then if i didnt bc how cool#this show aired in 2018 like waht are you talking about rn ya know#anyways#playlist event you'll always be famous to me#gays4vulo
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Sits in shambles I didn't read maybe Jorge's id correctly in the mysterious hermit logs the first god knows how many times I read them and only just now realized that it's the same id as the scientist that speaks in the agricultural notes log why must I be so bad at reading
#rat rambles#oni posting#on the bright side thats one mystery id kind of solved#by kind of I mean its most likely jorge but theres no way to comfirm it#this does make me feel like there might be some other b363 thing I missed but Im not sure if I doubt myself enough to go check rn#they are another character seen in story trait logs alongside an in game lifeform origin log just with critters this time#Ive made baseless speculation on who b363 could be based on what named characters we have without ids but its nowhere near confirmed#at least from what I remember but again Im starting to doubt myself a lil so I might double check at some point#the only idless characters we have fully marked off is nikola Im pretty sure#although based on the characters we do know anything abt itd most likely be either ada or liam but thats not saying much#ada is a fairly high probability tho since we basically 100% know that shes a part of the bioengineering department#liam possibly is too but thats more of a educated guess then smth particularly implied#Im glad I've finally realized who our lovely plant guy is tho#alas even if I find some hidden b363 content that still leaves I believe 3 ids unidentified#well we do know that at least one of them is steve but we don't know which one#and while we can take shots in the dark at who the scientist is theres also a second guard#and out of everyone we know bits and pieces abt theres no one who fits that bill or at least not anyone Im remembering#every other mentioned character is some flavor of scientist or is implied to be#not counting quinn but they are also off the table on account of not being a gravitas employee#so basically unless I missed smth the only previously established character that we know for sure is in that log is steve and the other two#could easily be any of the currently unused guys#and the other guard basically has to be unless theres scientists here that also double as guards
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anyway if anyone happens to be wondering leigh you’ve been spam rbing for quite some time now haha do you have an exam or smth tmrw the answer is yes ❤️
#personal#FUCKING CHRISTTTT going to fail it and literally no one but myself to blame had literally the whole day and i just Could Not look at it#there is just way too much going on rn like logically OBVIOUSLY the exam tmrw is what should be taking priority but all day im going oh my#god the homework corrections tonight oh god the exam notecard oh god the homework due tmrw ih god the lab due tuesday morning that we still#haven’t finished the in-person portion of oh god the TWO exams wednesday oh god the lab due thursday morning after my classes wednesday tha#go all day till 9pm and i don’t think we finished that lab’s in person portion either oh god my lab due friday morning that i DEFINITELY#haven’t finished and this isn’t even talking abt the lab REPORTS for all these labs oh god my paper due following wednesday along with#Another exam oh god the scholarship project meetings oh god im definitely going to need to skip band at least once in the next#week i can’t go failing band too of all things like oh my god shut up shut up shut up#also apparently my uncle now wants to commission me to help with his own artwork in the next couple weeks which is cool i guess but i#absolutely do not!! need this rn!!#the engineering chronicles
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Pixel art portraits of love interests from this game that I'm still playing. No I will not be mentioning it because it's super embarrassing but ifykyk I guess.
#pixel art#digitial art#art#portraits#im kind of double guessing on whether to post this or not cuz im afraid that someone will recognize the characters and rat me out or smth#but then i was like. how come YOU recognize the characters im drawing rn.#“what were YOU doing in the devils sacrament” typa situation#or the two spidermen pointing aat each otheer meme.
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[pained wailing emoji]
#.pdf#rd#THE REST OF THIS IS JSUT ME WHINING. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE#i dont wanna go to work ‼️‼️‼️ i feel like i am nearing a breaking point i am sofucking burnt out#every time i go to work. my brain gets Scary at me. stresses me out. dont like it ☹️#im supposedto be going in tonigjt but im dreading it sososo much#my work hour options have changed from “fully flexible” to “7am-9pm only” whcih yeah i know that doesnt sound that bad. but i have non-24#(circadian rhythm disorder that makes me sleep progressively later every day circling fully around the clock over ~3 weeks or so)#and bcos of it often i have to force myself out of bed in what my body thinks may as well be the middle of the night just to get to work#and then i dont ever get enough time to recover from that to actually let my sleep fall back into its natural schedule wjich is the only#time i feel properly rested. so essentially im chronically sleep deprived which is making me chronically stressed and way less productive#i just reslly really want to fucking save up a little money and just Not work for a week or two. bjt. with my sleep bullshit i cant really#work enough to be able to put anything aside. at all#so. kind of an unrealistic desire i guess. lol#ive been feeling like this ever since like early january when i was told i ahve to stick to a more normal schedule. & its only getting worse#idont know i just wishthere was something i could do that was fully flexible on timing but also doesnt havw the kind of workload that would-#-stress me out like basically anything with longer-term projects so ykmow Most flexible schedule jobs.#i do have one thing in mind i could do on my own but its dumb and probably wouldnt make much money and has startup costs i cant afford rn..
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