#tw; parentification

[musesofthemoon]

FORGED also for tori

Glimpses of the Past | Accepting

She had been coming home like this for the past few days, now... She talked so funny, it didn't seem like she knew what was going on around her. And the crying, she would be crying for hours, and nothing she did ever seemed to help. Mizuki felt like she needed to ask about it, at least figure out what she should do to help her. She would do that today, even though she was scared. What if she got yelled at? What if she said the wrong thing and just made her feel worse?

She quietly steps into the living room, where her mother is in tears yet again, just as Mizuki had feared. Her legs shake, but she approaches anyway, in the hope that it won't be as scary as she thought. "Mama..?" the girl asks, not sure if she wants the attention to be on her. What ifs swirl in the girl's mind as her mother looks to her, eyes still wet with tears. The woman appears to be dazed, and Mizuki isn't sure why she feels like that's a good sign.

"Mizu... Come here baby..." The woman's words are slurred, and the response itself is delayed. Mizuki feels herself relax a bit as she does as she's told. When she's close enough, the woman wraps her arms around the girl, though not in a way that felt overly tight. It was safe. Whatever had made her mother so sad, she at least feels like it isn't her fault. They remain in this position as her mother weeps onto her shoulder, and she lets it continue in such a way. She didn't know how long she stayed in that position before the woman spoke again.

"...You can't ever leave me, okay?" A hiccup follows the comment, and Mizuki isn't sure what she means. "Cause you're keepin' me together... N' happy, n' all that..." She's the reason? That her mother is happy? She supposes that they have fun together, and that her mom loved her a lot. It's a comforting feeling, to be needed by someone. But with her mother in such a state, she thinks she would have to do more than just make her happy. She'd have to take care of her, too. With the woman so out of it, she would just step up and take care of it for her.

She supposes that means she has to start doing more around the house, like the cooking and washing the clothes, that her mother would do when she could. How hard could that be?

That night, Mizuki burns a pot of ramen, but she tries again. If no one else would take care of her mother, then she would be the one who did it...

[ajokeformur-ray]

When I was a child, I thought Sarah had the longest, most gorgeous hair I'd ever seen, and I dreamed of the day I'd have hair as long as hers. I wasn't allowed to have control over my own hair until I was eighteen, so it was always jaw length for my mothers' convenience no matter how hard I begged for hair a bit longer, even just to my collarbones would have been amazing. My childhood dream of having long hair kept me company as I grew up. Crying with every haircut, desperately wanting something as simple as a decision over the length of my hair, but I wasn't allowed it because it wasn't 'suitable' and would be a bother to my mother to look after. I learned to keep quiet about it and I almost wished my childhood away, wanting the day I could grow my hair out long and keep it that way.

I had to wait forever and yet that was no time at all, really.

Now I am twenty six, and my hair is easily twice the length of Sarah's and maybe a little bit more. I look at her hair now and think how silly it was that I thought it was so long when I was a child. It is just as gorgeous, but it seems so short now in comparison since I finally have the hair I dreamed of, almost two decades ago. I am so very grateful that my past selves have had the patience and determination to make my childhood dream - one of many - come true.

Thinking about how Sarah was always like my big sister, how she practically raised me because my mother was and is emotionally unavailable and from a young age I was basically raising my two younger siblings and heavily parentified... dreaming of an older sister to take care of me for a change... and there was Sarah, on the television whenever I needed her, to make me feel like I could face the day. She was older than me so I looked up to her to teach me how to go through life - as an adult, she wasn't the best character for me to imprint on like an ugly duckling, but she wasn't the worst, either.

Now that I'm much older, older than Sarah, and my hair is much longer, I still look up to her in many ways - to not give in, to not give up, to keep going, to never go down without a fight, to make friends, to use my head, to be resourceful... there's no comfort greater than curling up in bed at the end of the day and spending a few hours with my big sister; though she is so young now, she's still just like she was when I was a kid. My long hair is a reminder of how far I've come, and that I can make my dreams come true. It's also a reminder of Sarah. The big sister I found for myself.

Sarah has always inspired me to try, and no matter how old I get, I know I'll always take her and what she taught me with me through life. Maybe she would appreciate it, maybe she wouldn't. I don't know.

But if I could say anything to her, I would thank her. For so much, and for so many things. And then I'd ask if I could hug her, because nothing says any of this better than a big squeeze.💗

[pain-is-my-game]

Parents really do traumatize you and then force you to reparent yourself instead of being a capable human being who can contribute to society like a normal person. Sorry I can't get a well paying job right now I'm trying to learn coping mechanisms.

[blu3b3rryj4mp1r3]

Friendly reminder that "I bought you nice things", "I gave you food and a roof over your head" and "I've never hit/physically hurt you" does not justify emotional abuse, neglect or parentification.

And if when being confronted they make you feel guilty and get defensive and passive aggressive saying some variant of "Oh well I must've been such a terrible parent!" and tell you how they bought you nice things for your birthdays and how your basic needs were met, that does not make your feelings and trauma invalid. You're not a bad person or ungrateful for feeling hurt.

[traumatizedjaguar]

"The guilt that people feel about what their parents may have gone through is a classic symptom of being an adult child of emotionally immature parents. They go over the boundary of what is their responsibility, worrying about the feelings and the needs and the life of other people because thats what emotionally immature parents teach their children to do. They teach their children to take care of them and to be worried about what other people need. The parent has not matured to the point where they can take care of themselves let alone a child. They're demanding that from their children, so its not surprising that the child would end up feeling guilty about any that distress the parent, and feel responsible for that because thats what their childhood would be set up to do."

Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

[amoxicillin-tangent]

i am given birth to by my mother. i am brought home to a falling-apart trailer. i am fed and i am not fed enough. i am aged into a small being with opinions and some semblance of autonomy; my childhood is a video game and i am given three objectives: sit down, stay quiet, and cease to exist. i am made good at the last part; it is a god-like sort of art, and so i do. silence is suited for me as well as i am suited for silence. 

i am told, gently, by my third-grade teacher to stop writing in passive voice. the noun of the sentence should be the actor, the doer, the taker. i am not a taker. never the actor of my own consciousness, of my own unconsciousness, remember, now, i am ceasing to exist. 

i am uprooted like a wilting plant, no sunlight, chipped terracotta pot, placed, never planted. grow, says the sunlight seeping between the drawn shutters, and i deny its case. i am made a masochist at all of eight-years-old, i am made for withering away. i am made mother, made martyr, made clever, made more, made machine. 

i am placed in a foster home and told the new rules. i will sleep at 2130 and wake at 0600. i will eat blueberries and coconut yogurt and i will make good grades. i will behave. i will sit down, i will stay quiet, and i will cease to exist. 

i am told, gently, by my ninth-grade teacher to stop writing in passive voice. like this, you are the subject of the sentence. i am brought home; i am subjected to my sentence. i am taught, i am created, i am embittered, i am disillusioned, i am ceasing. it is all i know how to do.

blurring letters litter the pages before me. maya angelou, oh pray my wings are gonna fit me well. oh, tell the hell-child to return to her cell. mangled beast, worthless mongrel, ceasing. perfect child, perfect victim, passive. the sentences are diagrammed by my expert hand and i am diagrammed as well, pages in a folder, problem child, trouble-maker, mentally unstable. infinitive, preposition, page-break. 

my eleventh-grade teacher is asked why was it okay for maya angelou to write in passive voice? she responds, because to write in active voice would take the focus from the corpse to the crew. i like that. i understand it. the pages aren’t so blurry anymore. i trace them with my fingertips, letter-by-letter. her bones were found//round thirty years later//when they razed//her building to//put up a parking lot. 

i am no longer still, silent, ceasing. i am no longer wilting, and no longer made, i am maker. 

grow, says the sunlight seeping between the drawn shutters. i am neither the corpse nor the crew. i reach forward with trembling hands,

and i pull the cord, and the light floods through.

[brucewaynehater101]

Reverse Robins AU is a fun concept, but I need more of that Jason POV angst.

If Tim and Jason are swapping roles (i.e. Tim dies and Jason is the third Robin), I need that focus on Jason's early Robin years.

Bruce, who's a grieving brutal man, would scare Jason. The violence, the coldness, and (if it's your flavor) the alcoholism. Bruce finds this child and, unlike for canon Jason, doesn't show him love and care.

So why does Jason stick around? Why would Jason put up with this behavior?

Bruce reminds Jason of a gnarly combination of Willis and Catherine.

The violence, the yelling, and the fear of a father figure are reminiscent of Willis. The lack of self-care, depressive spirals, and dissociative states are a messed up way Jason can see some of his mom again. Jason gets glimpses of his parents, but only in the worst sides of Bruce.

I want to see Jason tucking in Bruce and humming songs that would comfort his mom. Similar to when Catherine would forget or be unable to prepare food, Jason would ensure Bruce ate. He would chat lightly for hours to bring Bruce back from staring at Tim's case.

If Bruce is an alcoholic in this fic, Jason would be rubbing Bruce's back as he vomits. He would watch as Bruce poured another glass knowing he can't stop him.

When Bruce goes on a rampage, when he's screaming and hollering and throwing things, Jason would be hiding in his closet. Damian probably told Jason to call him when it gets like that (Damian can get Jason out of there if he can't stop it), but why would he? It's not like anyone was there for him before. It's not like calling for help led to him actually getting the assistance he needed. Instead, it usually led to the situation becoming worse.

So, despite the parentification (that's all that Jason's known), the kid stays. Bruce needs him after all. He eventually pulls Bruce away from the ledge. He finally gets a dad that doesn't cause his hands to tremble. Damian comes around more often and teaches Jason how to protect himself. Finally, the kid is Robin and able to help people (like how he saved Bruce).

Then Tim comes back from the dead.

[traumasurvivors]

This goes out to those who were parentified. There isn’t a single child in the world who was ready to be an adult. You didn’t deserve to be in that position. It doesn’t matter how “mature” you were for your age according to others.

It isn’t your fault if you have struggles as a result of your childhood. You deserved better.

[askauradonprep]

The way Harriet was parentified not just by her dad but by his crew (and as a childcare servant for everyone else) just hurts to think about sometimes.

"The Pirate's Wendy" indeed.

[arabriddler]

Finally sharing my ventriloquist ! ( thank you @plainiack-arts for the Arnold talk it encouraged me to finish this up)

anyways, I like both Peyton and Arnold so I thought, well, we can have both no one’s stoping us.

Peyton was the eldest siblings with three younger siblings. Her father had left many years ago and her mom took care of them, or, was supposed to, but because of a demanding job her mom was usually very very busy, and Peyton loved her and wanted to help out by taking care of her siblings and the house and everything, even if it meant she’d secretly drop off school and pretend she was accepted for a scholarship that paid off school. This is where Scarface started to show up. He came as a voice from the little sock puppet she made to entertain her siblings. ( He’s called Scarface because the sock had a hole in it ). Scarface was smart and taught Peyton how to lie. Scarface’s influence grew with Peyton and her skills with making puppets. Scarface wanted a better body and to be a ‘real man’. So Peyton developed him and kept building him better. Except the more she listened about him the more he became real in a way. Peyton was the perfect daughter and the perfect eldest sister. Her siblings loved her and trusted her, and she always encouraged them to make a nice life for themselves. Peyton had to sacrifice a lot for them, but she didn’t mind because she loved them. Scarface though was angry. He thought if he was to be tied up with someone it shouldn’t be someone as Weak and pathetic as Peyton. He’s torment her at night and sometimes he’d break her siblings’ toys and rip their homework out of frustration. Her siblings were upset even when Peyton would explain it wasn’t her it was Scarface. They started to distance themselves and Scarface grew stronger. One day, he laid a hand on her sibling, and Peyton throw Scarface away ( only to pick him up again, an obsession ).

her siblings eventually listened to her, to take care of themselves, and they left one by one. One went to college, one joined a band, and the last just slipped away, he was just 14. Peyton was proud that they’d cut her off and be better, but Scarface was furious and just very very angry. He cut her face once to prove that she’s not better than him. This war between them kept growing until Scarface killed Peyton’s mom so Peyton could just grow up, and Peyton picked up the gun and killed him. Then, she called the GCPD to report her mom’s murder, except they ended up detaining her and taking her to Arkham!

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

there’s nothing like the terribly specific hurt of growing up always trying to protect your little sibling from your parents, always shielding them and watching them like a hawk and teaching them not to be too loud or too argumentative or too in the way, only to watch your parents get better for them. not perfect, no, but better.

because it means that they always had the capability to be good. they always had the ability to be mature and kind and raise their children with love and easy affection and laughter instead of raised fists and sharp nails and terrible words. they were always capable of change. they just didn’t want to do it for you.

and you don’t want to be jealous because that’s your little baby sister, who you love, who you grew up protecting, who matters more to you than anyone on the planet, but you are. you’re jealous and it’s eating you up inside and you’re so sick with guilt but you can’t help it; you wanted the mom who loves you even when you mess up instead of slapping you across the face. you wanted the dad that makes weekend afternoons fun instead of getting drunk and weepy about his life to you like you’re a therapist. you wanted the parents you could trust to love you no matter what.

why does she get those parents and not you? why didn’t you deserve that mom and dad? why weren’t you enough for them to want to change? what did you do wrong?

[lastsecondsquirrel]

As a kid I found comfort in reading. Authors validate characters' experiences and feelings in a way I've never learned to do for myself.

A woman comes home from a bad day, frustrated, and takes a shower to try and relax.

There's no questioning it. She is frustrated. It's on the page. It's real. It's valid. There's no questioning it. The author has stated it and so it is real.

Without someone to tell me otherwise, I just stay convinced when I'm hurt by something that I'm just being too sensitive or too dramatic or too selfish.

[pain-is-my-game]

One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.

[circular-8]

I really want an arc where both Maddie and Buck admit and come to terms with the fact that Maddie was parentified.

We know that Maddie had a hard time admitting to herself that Doug was abusing her and that was textbook IPV. But to have to admit that she was abused by her parents too? Especially when she's been working to repair their relationship?

And can you imagine Buck realizing that one of the bright spots of his childhood - his relationship with Maddie - happened at Maddie's expense?

Devastation for both of them.

[king-sappho]

starting a collection

[nerves-nebula]

Actually wait ok so that mothers poll, while incredibly funny, made me realize something-

You guys know it’s a BAD thing my Raph is parentified right? Like it’s gross and weird and distressing to be in that situation a lot if the time.

My little sister called me mom once to imply that I was raising her better than our real mom was, and while I got the point, it made me feel so sick and disgusted that I immediately asked her to never do that again.

I’m all for jokes here like “lol Raph is basically their mom” but it’s not ACTUALLY a cute quirky thing it’s. Kind of really fucked, and led to a lot of internalized blame and anxiety and dehumanization, and Raph wouldn’t appreciate being genuinely thought of as their mom or parent or anything. Anything more serious than joking about it would probably make him uncomfortable.