#tw; alcohol

[happybird16]

In a different world..

[sixpennydame]

The Better Man | Chapter 8

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Content/warnings: alcohol consumption, child abuse and neglect, mentions of death.

A/N: This is it..the final chapter! Thank you to everyone who has read, liked, and reblogged this fic. I hope you've enjoyed all the angst and drama!

There will be a final epilogue coming out next week.

Suggested music:

There’s not a sound around you as you walk through the dark, quiet streets of Trost, still too early for even the bakers and butchers to start their morning shifts. There was no way for you to get a hold of Lars’ horse, so you had to find other ways to get out of the city without Levi tracking you.

You knew he’d search for you.

If you can just get further into Wall Rose, you can make a new life. You’ve done it before. 

When Levi said he wouldn’t leave the Survey Corps, you knew in your heart that being together - truly together - was just a dream. You couldn’t watch him go through that gate, wondering if he would ever return. The pain of losing someone again - the fear of losing their bodies or minds to the trauma - you’re not sure you can do it again.

And so this time, you left first.

You’d packed only a few change of clothes in a small pack, along with all the money and valuables you and Lars had.

All except one.

The simple gold band reminded you of the life you no longer had, of the love that was no longer with you. And so you’d left it on the table of your small home with the rent for the remainder of the month and a small letter explaining your departure to your landlady. You’d left nothing for Levi. What good would a letter do? 

The easiest and fastest way out of Trost is the ferry that travels along the river, but if you do that, there would be a record of your departure. It wasn’t easy to find an alternative, but you were an Underground rat; your instincts helped you find a smuggler sneaking goods out of the city who was willing to smuggle you out as well. You hand him the payment and step onto the boat, holding the hood of your cape as close to your face as possible.

“You must be pretty desperate not to be found, if you’re leaving like this,” he snickers, but you huddle up closer in a corner, pulling your knees close to you and trying not to think of the hurt and anger in Levi’s eyes when he finds that you are gone.

“Levi…I’m sorry…” you whisper to no one but yourself.

_____

After your disappearance, Levi spent the rest of the week in a rage to find you. He searched every women’s boarding house, every small, forgotten apartment. He checked the ferry and stables for any woman leaving Trost fitting your description. As he searched for you, his heart and mind struggled to understand why - why you would leave, just as your lives could have started again. Had the moment you’d shared together just been a dream? Were the two of you destined to always be apart?

No, Levi didn’t believe that. He creates his own destiny, his own future. And he wants to share that with you. He doesn’t know why you ran away - maybe you’re scared - but he does know that he’ll search every goddamn town in this goddamn, walled world until he finds you.

But every day, every possible lead, gets him no closer from the truth of where you are. Since his search started, he’s barely slept, barely ate, and barely even been to Survey Corp Headquarters. He’s tasked Eld with keeping up the squad’s daily training routine, and although the team doesn’t question his actions, they know it’s only a matter of time until his absences will be noticed by more than just them.

Namely, Erwin.

Levi rides into headquarters disheveled and in a rush. After searching Trost with no sign of you, he suspects that you’ve somehow gotten out of the city undetected and have moved somewhere else within Wall Rose. Although you’re resourceful, he knows it’s not possible for you to have gotten very far with the limited funds you had, and if he leaves now, he just might be able to find some kind of clue in a neighboring town. He stables his horse and goes straight to his room, ignoring any and all corpsmen he passes by. As he packs a small bag, he hears a knock on the door. He ignores it, but the person behind it enters anyway.

“You’re squad tells me you’ve been busy lately,” the baritone voice remarks as the door clicks closed.

“Yeah,” he doesn’t even stop to look at Erwin standing against the doorframe, his arms crossed at his chest, “I have some personal issues to take care of. I’ll be gone for a few days.”

“You know there are certain procedures in place to request leave, Levi.”

“And I don’t have time for that bullshit right now, Erwin.”

“As apt as I am to let you have your way most days, I’m afraid I have to refuse this time.” His gaze was cold, serious.

Levi met his gaze with his own, his stormy grey eyes boring straight into him. 

“We have an expedition in two days. Surely you didn’t forget.”

There’s only silence while Levi buckles his pack and slings it over his shoulder. “Eld can lead the squad in my absence. He’s more than capable.” He moves towards the door which Erwin is blocking. “Now get out of my way.”

“I can’t do that.” Erwin stands up straighter, his broad shoulders blocking the way entirely. “You made a commitment to the Corps and to your squad.”

“This is important.”

“More important than the lives of your squad, your comrades in arms?”

“Yes,” Levi replies sternly.

“I know that’s not true.”

Erwin’s right. The lives of the Corps weigh heavily on Levi. He knows the fate of many of them rests in his skill and expertise. His absence could mean many more lives will be lost. Lives like Lars’. 

His heart waivers for a moment, torn between his duty and the urgency of finding you. He has to find you. “I have to do this,” he says. “Now move.” When Erwin doesn’t budge, Levi grabs the lapels of his jacket, jerking him down to face him. “I could easily force my way out of here, you know.”

“And you would be charged with attacking your superior officer and punished accordingly,” Erwin answers bluntly. “You’d be held in the brig until a punishment was decided.”

A few seconds pass as both men stare each other down. Then Levi lets go of his lapels and pushes him against the door. He drops his pack on the floor with a heavy thud.

“Fine. Have it your way.” His eyes darken with murderous contempt.

But Erwin doesn’t flinch, only straightening his jacket. “The 104th Cadet Corps is in Trost. When we return from the expedition, we’ll be enlisting new recruits and you can take leave at that time.” He turns his back on Levi as he opens the door. “Now we both have an expedition preparation meeting to get to.”

This bastard…

Levi straightens his ascot, takes a breath, and follows Erwin down the hall to the meeting room.

Two days later, The Survey Corps rides through Trost, to the usual fanfare. It irritates Levi, how fickle the crowd can be: loving them and singing their praises one moment, then cursing them the next. He can hear people talking about him. Fuck, he hates that.

But he looks out into the crowd, hoping you’ll be there, that you’re trying to catch his eye. 

“Who ya lookin’ for?” Hange asks, riding beside him.

He snaps his head forward. “Nobody, Four-eyes.”

He’s going to hold Erwin to his promise. After this expedition, he’s leaving Trost to look for you. Nothing and no one is going to stop him.

_____

“Levi!” You yell out, jolting up from your bed. 

It’s been the same bad dream the last few weeks since you left Trost, much like the bad dreams you had after Levi rescued you from that brothel so many years ago. But instead of hands grabbing you and clawing at your flesh, it’s titan hands grabbing at Levi and pulling him away from you. You just can’t shake this dark feeling of danger, like something bad is going to happen soon.

Like something is going to happen to Levi.

You wipe your sleepy eyes and find that you’d been crying, something you’ve refused to allow yourself to do since Lars’ death, in an attempt to build that wall up around your heart again. But in the loneliness of the night, your dreams reveal your true self. 

The sun is just starting to rise over the wall surrounding Karaness. You’re not really sure why you decided to stop here, in your attempt to evade Levi; it seemed far enough, and you were so tired of hitchhiking. You ended up settling just outside the main part of the district. You’d had enough of walls on all four sides of you. Of being caged in.

And yet.

Your mind had often told you to return to The Underground. That maybe that was the place you truly deserved. You could sneak into Mitras and go back. Although impossible to escape, nobody would think twice if someone wanted to return there; in fact, they'd probably think you’re crazy.

But you couldn’t do it. Levi had sacrificed too much to get you here. You knew he was better off without you, but to go back to that place would be an offense to everything he’s done thus far. He’d told you that he let you go because he thought that was the best for you; that he didn’t deserve you. 

Did he understand that your leaving was for the very same reason? Had he realized that and given up looking for you by now? 

You got dressed and headed for your job at the local tavern. You never thought you’d be working at a place like this again, but there were no other options. It seems like there are some things you just can’t escape, no matter how hard you try. 

As you wipe down the bar and tend to the customers, someone barges through the door.

“Trost has been attacked! That Colossal Titan reappeared and kicked a hole through the wall. It’s five years ago all over again!”

Everyone runs outside, as if expecting to see titans on their own doorstep. Raised voices and chaos are only amplified as the Garrison forces begin moving into the inner, walled district of Karaness, reinforcing both gates. 

You run up to a soldier packing canon shells into a wagon to take into town. “What’s happening in Trost?”

“It’s too early to say ma’am. We’ve just been ordered to reinforce the Karaness gates until further notice.”

“But the Survey Corps…were they there? Are they fighting in Trost?” you press, desperate to know anything about Levi.

“Ma’am, I honestly don’t know. We’ve received no other updates,” his voice is stressed. “Now, please.” He gestures for you to move away from the wagon.

You know that if there was an attack on Trost, then more than likely the Corps was there, unless they were on an expedition. There’s a tightness in the pit of your stomach, fearing your dreams are coming true. You need to know if he’s alive. 

No sleep comes to you that night, as you toss and turn, thinking about what might have happened to Levi and his squad. You know he’s capable of taking down any titan that crosses his path, but the Colossal Titan is not like any other titan. And if that hole isn’t closed up, then they’ll be overwhelmed with titans in a matter of days. 

If Levi was dead, you’d know it, feel it somehow. He’s alive, he’s alive…

And the realization hits you: what a fool you’ve been, thinking you could leave him and all your love for him behind, as if that was a choice your heart even had. You’ve never had a choice when it came to him - even when he left, your love for him had never faded.

You need to see him and make sure he’s ok. 

And so in the morning, you decide to leave for Trost.

_____

Levi watches you from the back of your father’s tavern. It’s where he tends to hang out whenever Kenny leaves him for days at a time. He’s a teenager now, so being by himself isn’t too big a deal, but it still gets awfully lonely. And your presence has always filled that loneliness for him, ever since he was a boy.

Word of Levi’s newly found strength had spread throughout the Underground, and so it wasn’t usual for men and women to challenge him to various feats of strength. Tonight, it was arm wrestling, and Levi beat every last one. 

“How many have you beaten tonight? Six?” You ask as you walk by his table.

“Seven, but who’s counting,” he replies dryly, as he pulls his arm across his chest, stretching his muscles. You laugh, and he swears it’s the sweetest sound in the world. He wishes he could give you more reasons to laugh, but there were few opportunities in the Underground and it seemed as if it was your father’s goal to make you as miserable as possible.

You walk away from Levi’s table with a tray of beers, not looking at where you’re going and knock into another table. The beers spill everywhere as the pint glasses fall and break onto the floor. 

Your father is upon you in an instant, face red from alcohol, anger, or both. “Stupid girl…Can you do nothing right?” He raises his arm and backhands you across the cheek, but before he can land a second blow, Levi is up out of his seat and punches him squarely in the jaw. The entire tavern goes silent when they see your father sprawled on the floor unconscious, then one by one, men start standing and making their way to Levi.

“Let’s go.” He grabs your hand and pulls you out of the tavern and into the dark street. You both run, hand in hand, hiding from the men yelling and running after you, until Levi pulls you into an abandoned building. As he leads you up the stairs and onto the roof, your heart is racing from the frantic running and from the fact that Levi is holding your hand. He doesn’t let go even when he’s decided that you’re in a safe hiding place.

Your hand is sweaty but you don’t let go either. “What are we doing up here, Levi?”

“I’m getting you away from your asshole father, that’s what. I’m tired of watching him hit you. I had to do something.”

“And what are we going to do now?”

Levi thought about it for a few minutes. Honestly, he hadn’t really thought it through when he grabbed your hand and started running. “We’ll run away together.”

“Run away? But where would we even go?”

“I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out.” He turns to look at you, eyes full of determination. “I can protect you.”

“We’re kids. And my dad is just drunk…he’ll regret what he did when he sobers up.”

“No! It’s not ok, what he does to you. And I’m not a kid. I’ll take care of you.”

“Levi, I —“

You’re cut off by the voice of your father, yelling your name. You peek over the edge of the building and see him stumbling about, spouting half-drunken apologies and requests for you to come home. You look at Levi, defeated.

“Y/n, no.”

You move closer to him, then give him a kiss on the lips. It’s quick and awkward, but it’s enough to make Levi’s eyes go wide. 

“I have to go. He needs me,” you say reluctantly. “But someday, we’ll get out of here and be together. I promise.”

You let go of Levi’s hand and walk out of the building, toward your father’s voice.

_____

You weren’t sure what to expect as you made your way to Trost, but the closer you get, the more chaotic it seems. Refugees from the fallen city and the towns surrounding fill the forests and roads. You hear them talk of a rumor that a soldier turned into a titan and was able to block the hole made by the Colossal Titan, but it was too fantastical to even believe. 

The walls get closer and there are soldiers everywhere, creating a roadblock that hinders your entrance. 

“Sorry, miss. Access to Trost is for the military only.”

“Please… I need to get in.”

“You live here?”

“Well, no, not anymore but -“

“No civilians are allowed until we can confirm the city is secure,” he commands, unmoving.

“Can you just tell me if the Survey Corp is there? Is Captain Levi there?”

“Most of the Survey Corps left a few days ago.” He stands resolute. “It’s not safe here. You should go back wherever you came from.”

You can tell that this soldier is not going to answer any more of your questions. You look around, trying to find any uniforms with the Wings of Freedom emblazoned on the back, but you see none, only Garrison and Military Police.

If you can’t get any answers here, then you’ll just go to Survey Corps Headquarters. There’s a chill in the early spring air as you take the road you’ve traveled countless times. It’s getting dark, but the road is wide and you could ride there in your sleep; you think back to the last time you’d been there, when Lars was still alive. 

As you enter the gates, there’s barely a soul to be found. Eventually, you spot a familiar face. “Wilhem…”

He stops when he sees you, a mix of surprise and confusion on his face. “Y/n…what are you doing here?”

“Where is Levi Squad? I need to talk with the Captain.”

“Sorry..I can’t tell you that. It’s classified information.”

“What do you mean?”

He tells you about the cadet who has titan abilities, and about the tribunal. You listen, in shock. It’s impossible.

“What happens next, not even we know. We’re just waiting for Commander Erwin to return with orders.” He pauses. “But everything has changed now.”

“I see.”

“Do you want me to relay a message to the Captain?”

You open your mouth to reply, but then stop and take a moment. “No..no, that’s alright,” and you turn to leave into the night, not really sure of where you’re even going. Wilhelm stops you and offers for you to stay there for the night. You tentatively agree, even though you haven’t stayed here since the argument with Lars, almost two years ago.

At dinner, the few Scouts you know tell you of the attack, of the confusion and devastation, and of the titan that seems to be on our side. They also talk about a rumor that Levi Squad has taken the cadet into their custody, but where and for what purpose, they don’t know.

As you sit there, slack-jawed, listening to their story, it confirms what Levi had tried to tell you before: this world needs him more than you do. If humanity is ever going to find freedom, then it needs Levi to keep fighting. You fear you’re just a distraction from his higher calling.

In the morning, you ride back to Karaness. Maybe it was for the best that Levi wasn’t here. Perhaps it’s time to truly make a life on your own.

_____

Levi wakes up to the sun shining on his face through the window of his cold, musty room. He’d fallen asleep in the armchair again, but it didn’t make a difference to him - the beds in the old Survey Corps Headquarters were barely usable, and he slept even less than usual lately. Each day, more and more Survey Corps members were showing up at the castle; most notably, the new recruits, who seem to know Eren well. Levi had been monitoring him closely these past few weeks, looking for any change in behavior, or any indication of a titan shift; at the surface, he seemed like any other big-eyed cadet with a yearning to make a difference, but Levi could see something else in him. There was a monster deep inside…and when it came out, would Levi really be able to control him? Would anyone?

But that wasn’t the only thing keeping Levi up at night. 

He wondered where you were and if you were alright. Had he been wrong about you leaving Trost? What if you’d been hurt, or worse? He’d checked the dead and injured civilians list, and your name was nowhere to be found. You were alive, you had to be alive…

It was torture to not be able to search for you, but once again his duties pulled him away from you, his commitment to the Corps calling him. Erwin needing him.

But had he also not promised to protect you, to keep you safe? He couldn’t help but feel like he’d failed you in that regard; and yet, he told himself that in keeping humanity safe, he was protecting you, the one constant in his chaotic life.

He rubbed his stiff neck and rose from the armchair. They leave for Karaness District today and there’s still much to do. Erwin had arrived at the castle a few days ago and had informed his squad leaders of the deeper plan behind the 57th expedition beyond the walls, but Levi knew there was more he wasn’t telling them. There was a bigger plan at work here, and a look in Erwin's eyes that unnerved even Levi, who probably knew him better than anyone. 

A two day ride brought the Corps to the inner gate of Karaness. Erwin thought it best for all squads to camp outside the enclosed part of the district in order to accommodate the large wagons they were hauling. Wagons which were being guarded day and night and that no one was allowed to touch. Soldiers were ordered not to enter the town, in an effort to keep Eren and their plans as guarded as possible. 

That night, Levi was quiet, introspective. There was an air of anticipation throughout the camp, as there usually was the night before an expedition, but Levi knew there was something different this time - a new enemy, possibly amongst them. He should be thinking about the mission, about how he’s going to keep Eren protected, but as he cleaned and polished his blades, he looked up at the stars, and wondered where you were. 

_____

It was one of the first warm evenings of the early spring, as you climbed the small ladder leading to the roof of your apartment. Whenever the sky was clear, you yearned to see the stars; the freedom and expanse of it all was such a stark contrast to the world you and Levi had been raised in. You smiled, thinking back to the two of you as children, straining to see the sky through a steep crevice opening to the world above, wondering what the stars were made of, straining to count how many there were..

And now, because of him, you were able to see them. You were thankful for the moments you’d been able to share with him in this life. He’d saved you, in more ways than one.

“Levi…wherever you are…be safe..” you said to the stars. They twinkled in response.

You awoke the next morning to the noise of wagons and horses, and the gate into Karaness opening. Confused, you walked downstairs to see what the commotion was about.

“That was the Survey Corps. Their next expedition is departing from Karaness this morning,” one of your neighbors mentions.

“What!?” Without even thinking twice, you begin racing down the street to the gate. If you hurry, you might be able to see them, and catch Levi’s eye. Maybe even get a chance to talk to him, to tell him that you love him, that you’re sorry for leaving.

Pain pierces your side as you run as fast as your legs will allow. But by the time you get there, the gate is closed.

There it is: that feeling of fear you had whenever you saw Lars and Levi ride out of Trost; of helplessness that you can do nothing but wait. 

But your fear quickly turns to a bold determination that he will return, and when he does, you will be there.

Surprisingly, you didn’t have to wait long to hear the gate open for their return. 

_____

Levi was used to the jeering and cursing of townspeople after an expedition; but this time, it was almost unbearable. His injured ankle was throbbing as he walked through Karaness; however, he refused to ride his horse. He wanted to feel the pain, wanted to feel anything other than this deep sorrow in his heart. The words stuck in his throat as he turned to face Petra’s father.

She was gone. They were all gone.

The noise of the crowd fades away as he continues to walk in a daze. 

“Levi…”

The voice is soft and sweet against the ugliness of the jeers. Then a hooded figure comes into view as it quietly walks beside him from a distance.

And it’s like the whole world stops. 

He doesn’t have to see your face to know instantly that it’s you. He keeps walking to avoid a scene, but your name escapes his lips in a barely audible whisper. 

“I need to talk with you,” you plead, “please.”

If only he could leave with you now; if only you both could leave this place together, leave everything behind. 

You tell him the location of your apartment and he promises to be there tonight. 

A promise he intends to keep with every fibre of his being.

_____

You pace the floor as you wait for Levi, going over and over in your mind what you’ll say to him. 

Then there’s a knock at the door. You take a deep breath and open it. 

Levi stands before you, visibly shaken, which is a rare sight, even for all the years you’ve known him. For a moment, he just stands there, then walks past you and into the small apartment. 

He’s never been one for words, but the weight of his silence now fills the space between the two of you as he looks around the room.

“You came..” you manage to finally utter.

“Of course I did,” he answers curtly, his voice stressed, “I want some answers.”

He turns to look at you, and you can see the pain on his face, the hurt in his eyes. He’s different.

What happened during this expedition?

“Why did you leave Trost?”

You swallow, mouth suddenly dry. “I couldn’t stay there anymore. I decided it was for the best if I left your life - for good this time.”

Before you can explain further, or apologize, he cuts you off. “I can decide for myself what I do and don’t need in my life. Noone gets to decide that for me.”

“No..” you shake your head, “you’re not listening - “

“And I told you that I would take care of you. Why would you run from me? Do you even know what you want?” His voice is raised, anger and frustration coming through in every word.

Hearing him reprimand you like this sends a spark of anger through you. “You’re one to talk, Levi. You left me first, remember? Don’t act like you’re blameless in all this.” 

Hands clenched at your sides, you face him. “You once told me that you left me alone above ground because you thought it was the best thing for me. That you couldn’t give me what I needed or deserved. Well, that’s how I felt.” You struggle with your next words. “Humanity needs you more than I ever will.”

“I don’t care what humanity needs,” he cuts you off again, “I need you. Can’t you see that?”

Although his words are harsh, his face is pained, and so you move even closer to him and cup his cheek.

He needs you.

“Levi…I’m here. For all of my doubts, I’ve realized I need you too.” Your voice softens. Seeing his face, having him here, suddenly makes all your other anxieties about the future seem unimportant. You’re only thinking about him. “What happened today?”

You can feel Levi leaning into your hand. “They’re gone. Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, they were all killed today.” He swallows hard. “And I couldn’t protect them.”

He sits on your bed and looks at his hands. “I don’t understand why I have this kind of strength if I can’t save the people I care about most.”

You sit next to him and take his hands in yours, feeling the rough calluses from years of using the ODM gear. For someone so strong, he has such slender, delicate hands, you’ve always thought. At this moment, he suddenly seems so helpless. “Levi..their deaths, Lars’ death, Isabelle’s and Farlan’s..it’s not your fault. Your strength has protected countless others’ lives.” 

You shift your weight on the bed to look at him, then lift his hands to your mouth and begin kissing each finger. “How many times did you protect me when we were kids? When you saved me from that brothel?” You’re kissing his rough knuckles, “You’ve sacrificed so much for others…for me..”

 “Y/n..” Levi utters, his pain changing to love and desire. “I’ve done it all for you.” He caresses your cheek, then moves his lips closer to yours. “And I’d do it all again, if it meant I could be with you.”

He kisses you and even though you’ve felt his lips a thousand times before, it feels like the first time. Those same rough but delicate hands move from caressing your face to unbuttoning your blouse, finally laying you down on the bed. 

You look at him as he hovers over you; for almost his entire life, Levi has been seen as a weapon, his body used to intimidate and destroy. But you’ve never seen him that way; even now, as he unbuttons his own shirt to reveal his scarred body, you see him as a man with so much love and care for others. And how he has used his body to love you in ways that no other person ever could.

You pull him toward you and kiss him once more. “I love you, Levi.” The words you once had so much trouble saying now flow easily, unencumbered by pride or shame.

“And I love you,” he replies tenderly. “I always have, and I always will.”

_____

The two of you made love again and again that night, until your bodies were completely spent and the sun began to peek over Wall Rose. It was as if each time you both were discovering something new about the other; a deeper well of love and pleasure neither had experienced before. 

And something else was discovered: the realization that you both needed each other; it had always been this way and it was always going to be this way; an irrefutable fact, like gravity. Fighting against it was a fruitless act, and so all you both can do is cling to each other. 

As the sun moves higher in the sky and the town wakes up around you, you know he has to go. The Scouts are heading to Stohess District for the next phase of Erwin’s plan, and neither of you know when you’ll see each other again. He pulls you close as you see him to the door, then he moves back to look at you. 

“There are only two promises I’ve ever made in my life, to take down the titans and to protect you. But I’ll make you another promise: I will always, always come back to you. Nothing and no one is ever going to keep me away again.”

His eyes…those same grey eyes you’ve known since you were both children, when he was helpless and alone; now, no longer helpless. 

And never alone again. 

“Yes, Levi, yes. I’ll wait for you. Until those gates open, until these walls come falling down, until you kill the last titan...I will be here waiting…. ”

“I promise you.”

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[the-traveling-poet]

Did I get drunk on a work night? Yes. Sorry I’m stressing like every one else this week

[boydholbrookfanpage]

[ajokeformur-ray]

9 days until my final assignment of the year is due.

Of those 9, I only have 3 days off between now & then (5 June).

It's an absolute shit sandwich of a situation at work for multiple reasons so I spiked my first coffee of the evening with tia maria while I work on my assignment - it shouldn't cognitively impair me, I only spiked with just enough to loosen me up so I can get some stuff done (liquid courage etc. because I'm scared & I do NOT have time for that). I'm also really sleepy so this should be fun, but there's a very specific circumstance I'm trying to avoid (i.e. not sleeping at all for a couple days like I did last year and I always seem to do every month when an assignment deadline rolls around. I don't wanna do that for the last one of the year. I wanna finish it calmly & with pride and my sanity relatively intact).

Clarice Starling would find a way to make this happen, and I'm gonna try to be a little of the same. I always wanted to be like her when I grew up, and in a crisis she is level-headed, thorough, determined and can make things happen. She's a Queen & I adore her.💖

All this to say, feel free to come into my inbox & keep me company while I push boulders uphill🥴

[iron-hearts-ablaze]

@faerunscursed continued from here

Karlach was all the happier to indulge in alcohol, and whatever feast they could drum up. There was so much more to celebrate - the curse had been lifted, the remaining tieflings were free to make it to the city, and the had fell a God. Nothing could beat this victory. They had more than earned this small celebration.

Karlach had only been walking past to make way to her own tent to see if that bottle of ale she had stashed away was still there, when Wyll had called her over. Gods, he was beyond sloshed. Karlach couldn't help a small laugh. Oh, the great Blade of Frontiers, a lightweight. She herself was overly tipsy, but still had plenty more in her before she would be considered unsavoury.

"Came to get more drink, though maybe I'll keep it to myself. Seems you've had plenty." Karlach grinned, a brow raised at his second statement. "You were hoping? Wasn't that long ago you were breathing down my neck-"

Karlach stopped when Wyll made his advancement. Her brows hit the base of her horns as she found herself sandwiched between Wyll and the crumbling building behind her. Her surprise was obvious. She wasn't exactly lying either - Wyll and her hadn't exactly had the best start.

They had both spent many days, if not tendays, worth of being paranoid and suspicious of each other. Karlach had been on guard, wondering when she would stir in the night to find Wyll above her with a blade in hand. But that never came to pass. As much as she didn't want to fully entrust her life into Wyll's hands, she found herself slowly but surely doing just that.

Though this really was unexpected...

A changed hue rose in her cheeks, where the fires flared in a form of blush. Blue flames under red skin gave a purple tint to her face. It wasn't as if Wyll wasn't handsome - he was incredibly slow. His advancement wasn't unwelcome, just unpredicted. Usually she would be flirting back, but the stunned realisation sunk in. This was the first time she had been touched in a decade...

Dammon had fixed up her engine a couple of weeks ago but she hadn't the chance to explore her newfound sense of touch before they were whisked away into battle after battle. But here he was, laying hands on her so easily. Without even a hint of a scorching. Did he have any idea how much this meant to her? Maybe he did, somewhere in his drunken state...

Her eyes closed as her head tilted back slightly, a smile on her face as she soaked in the feeling of his hand on her. "Heh..." She tried to take a breath, didn't want tears to brim from the overwhelming joy. Didn't want to ruin anything. "You're full of surprises, Ravengard... But c'mon. We should get you back to your tent, so you can wake up and regret everything."

[ama-ships]

♪ Beep beep, I'ma sheep~ ♪

[zoomingupthathilla]

sometimes max catches herself just staring at susans liquor cabinet. & sometimes she's not sure if it is bc she wants to follow in her footsteps and drink herself into oblivion, forgetting every bad thing that has ever happened--- even if it is only for a few hours. or if she is just judging susan for the weakling, for the coward that she is.. or maybe she feels sorry for her. if this is the only way she can survive.-- max isn't enough, but she still feels sorry for her mother, and she still loves her unconditionally. there might be times where she hates her mother, but she'll always love her-- always do whatever she can for her.

[ardenloughty]

who : open where: the corner pub, downtown triggers; alcohol

“I’ve had experience in serving, we should already have our drinks.” Spat out an angry tourist who was up at the Corner Pub watching this weeks basketball game, as Arden was serving at her job there. Quickly Arden whipped her head over to the bar where she could see the Bartender with drink orders lined up down the counter and her eyes connected back to the customer. “I do apologize as you can see, we are crowded tonight for the game so there may be just a little wait on drink orders. I can get you some appetizers on the house while you wait and once those drink orders are out, I’ll bring them to you.” Politely she smiled, wrote down the few menu choices they had picked out. and ran into the one POS system that was hidden in the corner, leaving her to herself for just those couple moments.

This is the last year of this crap before her internship, and she couldn’t count the days quicker. Soon she can take off this worn-down serving apron and switch it out for a comfortable pair of scrubs, doing what she loves most. Once she put in the food orders, she turned to her right and to her amusement the drinks were up and ready to go. Grabbing all five shots and praying for dear life nothing falls, she realized her praying was all for nothing when she swung around and all five drinks spilled onto the strangers shirt. “I am so sorry!” She said grabbing onto the pile of napkins next to the bar. Turning to the bartender she pleaded with them as they had just watched the whole thing, knowing she was in need for five more drinks. “If you don’t kill me, I’m pretty sure that this table over here just might.” She said still apologetic to the stranger.

[sioraiocht]

//pals I am tipsy

So like this for some drunk texts from my muses 👀

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

drinking tiramisu baileys & emptying inbox & writing, come keep me company if you want!

[happybird16]

It's time to make Thanksgiving dinner! 🦃

[sixpennydame]

I BEG OF YOU. I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. Never Have I Ever is too good please make it an ongoing series, oh gosh I fell in love again. 😩

Hi Anon! This is for you..

Never Have I Ever, Part 2

Part 1

Levi x fem!reader

C/W: Canonverse, Levi being awkward about love, hangovers, mentions of alcohol / drunkenness, fluff

————

Levi was hungover, no doubt about it.

He never really drank much, but he figured with his above-average physical strength, he’d be able to quickly get over a hangover.

He was wrong.

Riding back to Headquarters after that night was agony; every noise felt like a cacophony in his head, and the bright sun hurt his eyes. His head was pounding like a drum.

Looking at him, though, you’d never suspect it. He still had that same, slightly pissed-off look on his face, so when you rode up to him, you expected him to just be his normal self.

But you and he knew things weren’t normal between the two of you anymore. You’d done something, but both of you were still trying to put those pieces of the night together.

You remember going to the bathroom, and when you came out, Levi was there in the hallway. Before you could ask him what he was doing there, he’d grabbed your arm and pulled you into him, his lips immediately meeting yours. The rest is hazy, but you can slightly remember you kissing down his neck to his collarbone, where you…

Oh my god, you thought to yourself, you’d left a huge kiss mark on him. You remember smiling into his neck as he took in a sharp breath in reaction to the sensation, his hands on your buttocks.

This morning, you notice he’s wearing his cravat a little tighter than he normally does, but his face is unreadable. Is he angry at you? Annoyed? He was the one that started kissing you, but maybe he doesn’t even remember doing that. You decide to take a chance and start talking.

“Fun night last night, huh?” you say with a small laugh.

“Yeah, it was…fun,” is his only reply and he doesn’t even look at you.

You try again. “But I’m afraid I drank too much during that game and I can barely remember anything after that,” he looks over at you when you say that. “How about you?”

“Nope. Nothing.” His answer is curt.

There’s no way he didn’t notice the kiss mark you left on his skin. Does he hate you for it now? “Listen, Levi, I -”

“I need to go talk with Hange for a minute. We’ll talk later,” he cuts you off as he rides ahead, leaving you toward the back of the group.

When Levi makes it to Hange, they’re humming a song. “How can you even be humming right now? I saw you down almost a whole bottle of gin.”

“Easy,” they smirk, “I drink a concoction of ginger, charcoal, and turmeric before I know I’m going to drink alcohol and it keeps me from getting a hangover.” They push their glasses up. “You see the mineral compound in charcoal works with the ginger to..”

Levi rolls his eyes. “I don’t need to know the science, Four-Eyes.”

“Ok, ok, but maybe you need to know how to treat someone after you make out with them…or whatever you two did,” Hange says, a little loudly for Levi’s comfort.

“Shh..shh..” Levi looks around to see if anyone was listening, “I don’t need everyone knowing my business.”

Hange laughs. “Levi…it’s no secret to anyone at that bar that you and Reader have got the hots for each other.” Hange looks at Levi, but the look on his face tells them he has no idea what they’re talking about. “I mean, you both were gone for a while, then you went over to a table in a corner by yourselves, and then you both left the bar together.”

“We…did?” Levi can’t believe he doesn’t remember any of this. In fact, he wouldn’t believe it if not for the mark on his neck. He feels so stupid. What if he overstepped his boundaries with you last night? How does he apologize for something he can’t even remember?

Hange and Levi both hear you laugh as you ride by with a few comrades. Your eyes linger on Levi for a moment, then they look away to focus again on the group. Levi’s eyes, however, stay on you for a few second longer.

Hange smiles. “You should talk to her. Tell her how you feel.”

“I…can’t,” Levi sighs, “I’ve never really done this before.” His voice gets even lower, “And what if she doesn’t even like me? Maybe it was just the alcohol.”

“Oh I doubt that very much.” Hange laughs. “Besides, you’ve liked each other for a while, but were both too stubborn to admit it. You know what they say… In wine, there is truth..”

When you all arrived back to headquarters, Levi stables his horse and goes straight to his quarters. Maybe Hange was right - maybe the alcohol tore down enough of his defenses for you to see how much he cared for you. How much he wanted you. And you must want him too, right? He takes off his cravat and pulls down his shirt to look at the purple mark. He presses on it, hoping in some way that the slight pain might jog some memories.

But he does remember touching you, pressing his body against you. Shit, if he could only remember more..

He paces the room, conflicted about what to do. “Fuck it,” he finally says to himself. He needs to talk to you. Clear the air once and for all.

When he opens his door, you’re standing there, hand up in a fist as if you were about to knock.

“Hey…” you say awkwardly, “can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure. I was just coming to look for you.” His heart is beating fast as he opens his door wider to invite you in.

“I drank a lot last night, as you know,” you confess, “and I think…some things might have happened between us. Things I can’t exactly remember.” You blush.

“I’ll admit, I can’t remember either.” Levi runs his hands through hair, clearly embarrassed. “And if I crossed any lines last night, I sincerely apologize.”

You walk over to him. “No, no. That’s the thing: I…wanted to be with you last night.” You’re face is getting hot; you can’t believe you’re finally saying it out loud.

He moves closer to you, his own cheeks turning flush. “I wanted it too. I want…” he runs his thumb across your plump lips, “…you.”

He can’t resist anymore - he has to kiss you. His lips hover over yours and then he stops. “Is this ok?”

“It’s more than ok,” you reply as you grab his shirt and pull him closer to you. His lips are so soft when they move against yours. As you both come up for breath, you start kissing his jaw, then down his neck, and that’s when you see the bruise you left.

You smile. “I hate that I can’t remember what we did last night.”

He takes your chin to lift up your head, then he starts kissing down your neck, sucking in almost the same place you’d left your mark. “Well then, let’s work on making some new memories.”

[musesofthemoon]

FORGED also for tori

Glimpses of the Past | Accepting

She had been coming home like this for the past few days, now... She talked so funny, it didn't seem like she knew what was going on around her. And the crying, she would be crying for hours, and nothing she did ever seemed to help. Mizuki felt like she needed to ask about it, at least figure out what she should do to help her. She would do that today, even though she was scared. What if she got yelled at? What if she said the wrong thing and just made her feel worse?

She quietly steps into the living room, where her mother is in tears yet again, just as Mizuki had feared. Her legs shake, but she approaches anyway, in the hope that it won't be as scary as she thought. "Mama..?" the girl asks, not sure if she wants the attention to be on her. What ifs swirl in the girl's mind as her mother looks to her, eyes still wet with tears. The woman appears to be dazed, and Mizuki isn't sure why she feels like that's a good sign.

"Mizu... Come here baby..." The woman's words are slurred, and the response itself is delayed. Mizuki feels herself relax a bit as she does as she's told. When she's close enough, the woman wraps her arms around the girl, though not in a way that felt overly tight. It was safe. Whatever had made her mother so sad, she at least feels like it isn't her fault. They remain in this position as her mother weeps onto her shoulder, and she lets it continue in such a way. She didn't know how long she stayed in that position before the woman spoke again.

"...You can't ever leave me, okay?" A hiccup follows the comment, and Mizuki isn't sure what she means. "Cause you're keepin' me together... N' happy, n' all that..." She's the reason? That her mother is happy? She supposes that they have fun together, and that her mom loved her a lot. It's a comforting feeling, to be needed by someone. But with her mother in such a state, she thinks she would have to do more than just make her happy. She'd have to take care of her, too. With the woman so out of it, she would just step up and take care of it for her.

She supposes that means she has to start doing more around the house, like the cooking and washing the clothes, that her mother would do when she could. How hard could that be?

That night, Mizuki burns a pot of ramen, but she tries again. If no one else would take care of her mother, then she would be the one who did it...

[ajokeformur-ray]

so today i:

slept in til noon (solid 12 hours!)

had a good breakfast

washed my hair

tidied up my room so i can actually see the floor (it's not perfect but it's better than it was so that'll do for today)

finally applied for the finance i'll need for my 5th uni year

and now it's 3pm and i'm gonna hang out on tumblr - answering asks & writing - while i play bg3 & drink tia maria spiked coffee!!! feel free to come hang out <3

i feel so happy & relaxed!!!!! is this who i am under all the stress??? i missed me :(

[heygutlcssa]

I LOST THE MEME

@ircnwrought ASKED: “I came because you need me.” (MARIA)

"I'm...married." he hadn't meant to be out for so long, but a drink at the end of his shift wasn't something he could easily turn down. Not at this time of year. Not when Tony's birthday was just around the corner. He tired his best to be cheerful and celebrate the way Tony would have wanted-- take Maria out dancing, eat well, and do something to make the most of his day. He usually came home after work, but not tonight. he was out late tonight.

He'd made it home to their front porch, plopped himself down on their porch furniture, and was nothing more than a happy drunk.

" Rosie's the best girl. I'm lookin' for her. Shouldn't'a come. Lookin' for my girl. 'm married. I need my girl." He smirked to himself then haphazardly dug through his pockets, nearly slipping off the porch furniture he sat on. " Almost, almost married. Don't tell, gone a ask her. See?" He held up the box and opened it, nearly dropping the gold ring inside. " 't's for Rosie. Need Rosie. I..got a go home." He was already home. The ring was something he'd saved for for a while. They'd been through a lot and he wasn't about to lose her again.