#tw mentions of suicid3

[shootingstar-17]

If I kms how mad/upset would you guys be?

[heian-era-housewife]

Going North

This is not a fic. But it is a story. My story. Or at least, part of it.

When I started this blog I wanted to maintain as much anonymity as possible. Six months in and here I find myself publicly journaling my most guarded secrets. Funny how things change.

Warnings: ⚠️⚠️⚠️ Please proceed with caution. I have done my best to put the appropriate tw/cw tags in place, but be aware this post mentions nonconsensual sex, SA, suicide, mental health, mental illness, grief, and loss.

I'm writing to you from the depths of a very severe depressive episode and hoping that, in doing so, I may start to find my way out.

So...where do I begin?

For those who don't know I am, regrettably, American. This election has affected me more profoundly than I could ever have imagined.

I recently discovered that my entire family, including my parents- who have always been my best friends, voted for the man who represents everything I reject. Everything I despise.

This comes during a time I find myself exploring and redefining my gender identity. During a time where the healthcare system has repeatedly failed me in treatment and diagnosis of a reproductive condition. During a time when I am learning that ectopic pregnancy is a potentially fatal reality for me. While living in a state where abortion and life-saving reproductive care have been made illegal.

I was 13 the first time I was raped. With 8 months of continuous and repeated rape and sexual assault to follow. The only person I told was my family doctor. A Christian. Who told me sexual activity was an act against God. I never spoke of it again.

Not until I was 18 and had my first "real boyfriend". In explaining why I wanted to wait to be intimate, I told him my story, unaware he would weaponize it. Once again I found myself an unwilling participant in an act called "love". Only this time it was years, not months. The day I escaped I was punched in the face and thrown down the stairs. I still have a scar on my leg from fleeing my boyfriend assailant.

I ran to the safest person I knew. A friend from high school. A kind and gentle person. Someone who, in time, would show me that love and intimacy can exist in a non-toxic capacity. And though our eventual relationship would come to end in mutual respect as he came to explore his own sexuality and gender identity, I still credit him with playing a role in saving me.

Unfortunately, I was unable to return the favor when, just two months ago, he took his own life on the eve of his 30th birthday. I can't say for certain why he chose to end his journey, but I can only imagine that his race as a POC and sexuality were attributing factors as we stare down a future of continued systemic hate and bigotry.

In some ways, I still consider myself lucky. I never became pregnant. I never lost hope in finding love. I am married to a wonderful man who supports my every endeavor. His kindness is unrivaled, and his empathy knows no bounds. He meets me in my darkest places. He reminds me why I must continue to fight- to live. Even on the days I no longer want to...

And now, with the recent election, and the terrifying days ahead, I can't help but feel sometimes that it really is me and him against the world.

My family has chosen to stand behind a man who promised to lower the price of eggs, while creating a country wherein my life and those of countless other are at risk. Where it seems our validity as human beings is in question.

I am not even sure how I am supposed to continue a normal job, when every waking moment I am revisited by the traumas of my past with people shouting "Your body, my choice". Or fearing that another friend may take their life in the wake of the hatred that is blooming here.

I miss my parents. I used to call them every day. Now I am unsure how to even speak with them.

I am unsure of a lot of things.

In large part thanks to friends I have made here, I have begun the process of seeking further psychological support and evaluation.

Moving forward, I also plan to put more time and energy into my art. I am currently seeking ways to support myself financially in a work-from-home capacity as my deteriorating mental health is making working a regular job nearly impossible at the moment.

I'd like to remain active on this blog and continue building friendships over the love of JJK- something that, as silly as it is, brings me so much joy.

I hope that, if you've read this far, you'll continue this journey with me. And if you have read this far, thank you so much for being part of my life, sharing in my memories, my grief, my struggles. Thank you for listening to this story. Hopefully the next few I post will be more cheerful, and fictional, of course.

Thank you also to my international friends who have shown so much incredible love and support. You have no idea how much it means to be extended a friendly hand in a time where the world is justifiably furious with and untrusting of Americans.

I want to fight for a brighter future. I want to see what happens if we don't give up. I am determined to find peace and to one day look back on this post and be glad I chose to go North.

With love and gratitude,

Yuri 🩷

[f4t-tr4nny]

I WILL FUCKING KMS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIMME FUCKING SUBSTANCES AND CUDLES!!! NOW! BEFORE I UNLOAD A GUN INTO MY HEAD

[sad-of]

i’m done

[youngdeadboi]

Slicing up my arm, because why Not?

[ursuu-la]

Just in time. - S. Reid.

summary: Where Spencer was at the right place and time.

wc: 1.9k

tw: mentions of suicid3, suicid3 att3mpt, not feeling enough, driving at full speed(?).

a/n: this is not exactly romantic, but I felt the need to post something angsty and this was the first thing that came to my mind. I hope that you enjoy it, but that you don't identify with the feelings :( if so, my inbox is open♡

Also, requests are open!! I think I'll write about Hotch too, just so yk

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

"See you guys tomorrow!" Spencer waved goodbye and walked out the door. You smiled before he left and turned your attention back to your stuff.

You were organazing all the things on your desk, at the same time you kept on your bag the ones you always took home: your phone, your keys, and some paperwork that you didn't want to finish in the office. It was almost 9p.m. and there were now only three members of the team left in the office: Morgan, JJ and you.

Once you finished clearing your desk and had everything you needed inside your bag, you walked past JJ and Derek, greeting them both goodbye. You spoke a little with both of them, making sure that the case hadn't affected them so much. You cared about your friends, and wanted to be there for them if they needed someone to vent to. Both of them told you that they felt as usual, which conformed you.

"And you? How are you doing, (y/n)?" JJ asked when you finished checking up on her.

"Fine, I guess." You spoke and smiled to her. Your friend just returned the gesture, wished you goodnight, and then dragged her attention back to the paperwork.

You walked out of the office and, for a second, you kept the smile on your face, but then it slowly started to fade as you walked towards your car.

Even though you had just told JJ that you were feeling fine, the truth was that the last couple of months had been rough on you. The explanation was hard to find, but during this time, you were feeling... just bad about yourself. No matter how many people you saved or how many cases you solved with the team, whenever you got back home, you couldn't help but feel that you hadn't done enough.

The feeling started growing bigger and bigger as the months passed by. You had tried to speak about it with the rest of the team: but something was stopping you. It was frustrating because you didn't usually have any trouble communicating your emotions, and the fact that no one noticed you were struggling made you feel even worse.

Now you were driving back home, no music playing, only your thoughts filling your head. You remembered every part of the case, and as you replayed it in your head over and over, you found new ways in which you could have been more helpful.

"Agh... I hate this..." Your voice sounded frustrated. What was the point of keep going to cases if every single time you felt the same afterward? What was the point of having people around you if you couldn't open up to them and vent your feelings? What was the point of it all?

Suddenly, you felt one tear falling down your cheek. You wiped it off. It brought you back to reality. You were driving, and since it was late, there was no one on the street. Your hands started to shake as the thought appeared in your head.

The whole street was empty, your car would be the only one damaged. You would be the only person hurt, the only mortal victim. Your hands were still shaking, anxiousness creeping inside you as you tried to think of a reason why that was stupid.

But nothing came to your mind.

Nothing was stopping you.

Not even red lights.

Now there was more than one tear falling down your cheek, and you were wiping none of those off your face: you were letting them fall. Your foot pressed the gas with all of its strength, you could hear the engine getting louder each second.

Your heart rate accelerated, your eyes were blurring because of the tears, and you could feel how every part of your body shook. You were about to turn aside your car, knowing that at that speed there was no way of getting out of there intact, but you heard a noise: it was another car.

You stopped the car as fast as you could because your vision had suddenly been cleared, and you noticed that a car was in front of you waiting on a red light. That same car had made the noise. Scared of not stopping at the right time, you turned sharply the steering wheel, causing you to end up in another lane.

When your car was still, you took your hands off the steering wheel and placed them in your head. Just in that moment, you noticed what you were about to do, which made you burst into tears.

"What the hell was I think- AAH!" You yelled out of fear when you heard a knock on the car window. You rolled it down, ready to yell at whoever was standing there. But when you saw the person, your words got stuck in your throat.

"(y/n)?" His voice was like a slap across your face. You felt like you couldn't move. "Hey, are you okay?" He placed one hand on your shoulder, taking you out of the state you had gotten into.

"Spencer..." Was the only thing you were able to say. "Did you...?"

"Yes. I mean- I saw a car coming at full speed behind me, and I tried not to get killed. But... Are you... Are you okay? What were you doing driving like that?" Spencer questioned, yet he didn't have an accusing tone. It was a worried and concerned one.

"I was..." You couldn't speak. How were you supposed to tell him that you almost committed suicide and that almost got him into a car crash? 'Hey Spence, guess what? I wanted to kill myself and almost took you with me, haha!' There was no easy way to say it nor a way to disguise it as something else.

You looked up at Spencer, his gaze met yours. His face was scanning every inch of yours, looking for an answer. When you saw him properly, you felt like you didn't need to speak: you felt like you needed a hug.

"Step back, I'll open the door." You spoke, Spencer took a few steps back and looked confused at your every action. When you walked out of the car and suddenly hugged him, his face turned surprised.

"I don't know what to..." His voice was low. He was hugging you back, perceiving that you needed it. "If you need to talk, I'm here."

You nodded with gratefulness, appreciating Spencer's words. The two of you remained silent for a while after you let go of the hug until you dared to speak about the situation. Both of your cars were parked on the side of the street, and you were sitting on the sidewalk.

"Spencer, I was... trying to end it all, I just wanted to..." He lifted up his gaze to meet your face, but you were looking down at the floor. Not sure if you wanted to make eye contact while confessing the situation.

"Where you about to...?" Reid couldn't finish the question, he averted what you were about to say, he just didn't want to believe that it was true. You were one of the happiest people Reid knew, and thinking that behind that bubbly personality he knew, hid an amount of pain that made you think of suicide as a solution, made his heart sank.

"Yes. I... I don't know what I was thinking... I just reached the edge, and everything feels like too much." Now you dared to look into his eyes, concern filled his face. Seeing Reid like that made you feel worse because you felt like you were only bothering him. "Oh, dear lord. Now I'm just taking away your time. Maybe I'll just need to sleep this off..." You started speaking as you tried to get on your feet, but Spencer stopped you.

"Wait. Don't try to escape the problem." He spoke as he gestured you to sit comfortably again. "I'll be here until the sun comes up if it's necessary. I care about you (y/n), and what just happened is not something to take lightly."

Spencer's words were simple, but they were the right ones; as soon as you heard him, you started crying. Reid tried to hide it, but seeing you like that made him want to hug you as tight as possible and never let you go. How could someone so good be suffering this much? He thought you didn't deserve to feel that way.

"I just don't know what's happening to me... I don't usually feel like this, but these last months have been from bad to worse."

"And we didn't notice?" His voice was loaded with guilt. He was a profiler, and he couldn't have been able to notice your mood or signals. "I'm so sorry, (y/n)."

"It's fine. I jus-"

"No, it's not. We should have noticed, I should have noticed you were struggling. Because what would have happened tonight if I wasn't there with my car?" Reid's voice cracked at the end of the sentence, you could swear that you saw a tear forming in the corner of his eye.

"But you were there. You saved me." You spoke as you rested a reassuring hand on his arm. Spencer chuckled and shook his head. "What is it?"

"I'm the one that's supposed to be reassuring you. Not the other way around." You couldn't help to smile, which had the same reaction on Reid. "You're always putting others first and yourself last... You're too good for this world."

"I'm not that good. I can always do better on cases, and I barely help to resolve anything." The words that had been repeating inside your head for the last couple of months were spoken for the first time. Spencer looked at you, his face getting sadder than it already was.

"Stop putting yourself down. You're literally the best human being I know." He spoke with a sad smile on his face. "I truly can't understand where you got those awful ideas about you."

You didn't speak. Every word that came out of Spencer's mouth made you feel worse for even trying to do what you tried to. For the third time that night, you were crying, but this time, a hand was caressing your face. You looked at Spencer, who had started to wipe the tears off your cheeks.

"I just... Don't understand myself... I feel like everything I do has a negative effect on people. I need to take a break... from everything..."

"I get it. Maybe it would be better if you just take some time off work. Take some time to care about yourself, treat yourself with some love, and maybe that will help you to heal whatever has triggered these emotions." Spencer took his hand away from your cheek. "Furthermore, I could help you to find any kind of professional help to overcome this. There are plenty of ways in which I can help you, just say the word."

"Thank you, Spence." You spoke with a soft voice, he only nodded lightly.

"I didn't do anything, really. I just happened to be there." He was trying to be modest, but you were way too grateful to let him be like that.

"Spencer, you saved my life. Take a little credit for that." You chuckled, and Reid's face lighted up: seeing you at least a fraction as happy as you were before made him feel better.

Reid wanted to tell you how happy he was for being there at the right moment. He wanted to tell you how important you were to him and how he would have been devastated with your loss. But now was not the time: he knew you needed to think about yourself, and once you felt better, maybe then he would dare to confess his feelings to you.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

[stelariabop]

⚠️VENT⚠️

‼️NON-TWORD CONTENT‼️

TW: SH , mental breakdown, mentions of suicid3

i just had a whole ass mental breakdown over a math exam i have tomorrow because i thought it was the monday of the next week, not this one

I tried to concentrate for like 15 minutes but i couldn't even write down the exercise without crying or hitting my head

I begged my parents (they're divorced so i begged my dad through the phone and my mom in person) to let me stay home WHILE STILL in the mental breakdown (bad decision ik)

and my mom had the AUDACITY to tell me that i wanted to manipulate them???

THIS WOMAN HAD THE NERVE TO LOOK AT MY SCRATCHED FACE, PUFFY EYES, SHAKING BODY AND PULLED OFF HAIR AND SAY "you're trying to manipulate us"

did i want to stay home? yes, did i harm myself to make them feel bad and let me stay home? FUCK NO???? I DID IT BECAUSE I DIDNT HAVE ANY OTHER WAY TO CALM MYSELF DOWN

my mom is SUPPOSEDLY the emotionally intelligent one, and my father is an autistic narcissist man that is trying (i think) to understand me

i honestly don't know if i was wrong or my mom wasn't very empathetic with my situation

my parents decided to let me stay IF i talked with a girl that was giving reinforcement classes, i did and now im staying home

i'm feeling better now but holy shit i was literally about to kms

[unstable-son-of-hades]

RP STARTER. TW: SH AND COULD BE MENTIONED OF SUICID3

You walk into the hades cabin for whatever reason and see Jax sitting on his bed, a small knife in his hand, bloody tissue surrounding him and his arms have blood in them aswell as his sleeves.

(lmk if you want be added or removed)

@death-breath @sunshine-boi1 @emdabitchass @ghost-king-a @will-solace-aa @reyna4ever and anyone else.

[siphoklansan]

TW⚠️ mentions of suicid3

"Maybe we should kill ourselves, hm?" The voice was loud and humorous, and Dazai had been used to his friend going along with what he said for their own entertainment, but this time was different.

The way their eyes are slightly glazed over, the fact that they had brought up suicide instead of just playing off of some of Dazai's many comments , the slight shake in their hands.... they meant it.

Dazai grabbed their hand, squeezing it slightly - something he found himself growing fond of recently. "Nah, let's stick around a little longer."

[sk3l3t0n444]

just realized ive been mentally ill since i was 7 lmao ive been mentally ill for half of my life...shit man

[punzomeu]

100 days - a dnf minific.

dream is about to hear the hundredth voice message that george left recorded before leaving – or – george recorded small reminders, his last words, and finally, his goodbye to dream.

warnings:

— this is my first threadfic ever, sorry if i'm doing smth wrong and all the gramatic errors.

— tw: depression, may contain suicid3 mentions.

100 days.

100 days ago, george left and dream had never felt so alone in his entire life until that moment. it was the hardest three months and ten days to tolerate, everything around him seemed to freeze. could 100 days seem like an eternity?

for dream, it was the most painful eternity he had ever faced. there was no one else by his side to wipe away his tears or hug him when he had a nightmare, no one to cover him with kisses and say the most cheesy and charming things in the world.

george left and took half of dream with him, it was too much pain to tolerate. dream couldn't understand or just didn't want to anymore, the world was cruel and life had no rational explanation. nothing else mattered, nothing else made sense to him.

they knew that 100 days would be nothing compared to a lifetime they would have together, but if there was any way to ease even a little of each other's pain, they would still do it without hesitation.

before leaving, george left recorded messages in dream's voice mail. he knew this wouldn't be easy and it would hurt him more than anyone else. isn't knowing you're going to leave deeply tragic? especially when you love someone so much that you don't want to leave them.

this messages were more like a reminder to dream. a reminder of all the things they had lived together, each moment was deeply etched in his heart, in his bones and in his mind. dream's body would never forget the warmth of george's or the feeling it had when hugging george.

dream wondered: if there really is a god in this world, what law did he disobey to receive such punishment? or rather, what had george done? loved someone to the point that his body hurts? did he choose to be a devotee of his love instead of being a devotee of heaven?

his refuge has been shattered and nothing is left. and now the thread that held him was about to snap, it was the day to hear the last recording left for him. he didn't have the courage to press that button, he didn't have the courage to say goodbye or let him go for good.

dream still remembered when he met him, when they first spoke; of their first kiss; from their first date; from their first fight. in his mind his voice was still clear as the sun, he still heard it, still remembered the smile, the look...

people say that when you meet your soulmate you will be able to know right away, dream didn't believe much in beliefs but he couldn't explain what he felt when he saw george for the first time. nor could he explain what he felt when he saw george for the last time. he would switch places, face any consequences to see him well. but george would never allow that, they both cared immensely for each other.

for george there was no suffering, his pain was to see dream suffering for himself, he felt guilty for making him cry and now he couldn't stop dream's tears from falling as before.

dream had been staring non-stop for an hour at the answering machine in front of him. in the last few months, every day he heard a new message and it gave him strength on his worst days. what would happen from now on? holding tightly to the chain around his neck with george's ring and looking at the ring in his own hand, he didn't know how but pressed play and closed his eyes hoping to hear the voice that never ceased to be so familiar.

'hi, dream.

what time is it? how is the weather? i hope it's sunny, you still hate rainy days, don't you? during these 100 days i tried to say all the things i wanted you to hear for all my life, but in the end all i wanted was to be able to make you smile. i believed that forever really did exist and that i would achieve it. i'm sorry i can't keep all the promises i made to you, i'm sorry to put you through this.

i know you think i suffered for everything that happened, but with you by my side, how could i not be able to tolerate any suffering? with you by my side, there's nothing in this world i can't handle. and you were there, you held my hand and brought me the greatest peace.

dream, i've spent my whole life looking for someone like you. every moment with you was like having actually lived an eternity, an eternal life full of love and happiness. all the moments i spent with you were my infinite ones and i will certainly never be able to forget even a second of everything we lived together. i never knew the meaning of love, but i think i started to understand when i saw your smile for the first time.

after meeting you i just wanted to spend every minute by your side, your smile gave me the courage to face heaven and earth together. i would wait 800 years for you if i had to, fight the gods and die in battle for you. it's you and it will always be you. we achieved what many don't even dream is possible, having loved and been loved by you was more than enough for me. so i want you to know that you made me the happiest person in this world and i wanted nothing more than you.

don't give up on your dreams, keep living your life and be happy. i never stopped and i will never stop looking at you, i unconditionally love every detail of you, every curve of your body was and always will be immensely admired by me.

this is not a goodbye letter nor a goodbye, because no matter how many lives i live in all of them i will only love you. and no matter the time, i will always wait for you. you told me our hearts were linked forever, didn't you?

don't worry, i'll find you again. but in this life, i just wish that your days remain happy and you to be for everyone what it always was for me, hope. you were my miracle and the luck i had to live by your side is like nothing in this world.

dream…i loved you since the first time my eyes met yours, i fell in love with you every day and that love will be engraved in my soul.

just don't forget… okay?

with love, george.'

[cncolove]

TW: suicid3 mention

Please raise awareness and reblog

I also found out about this from @joelsbigsmile

@flamediel @ohitsnicolexo @my-fangirling-outlet @virgatowhipped @cncothoughts @lizzosbitch @litghoe @txgxxn @hoelpimentel @cncodrip @cncoxbieber

Everyone that sees this please reblog

[shootingstar-17]

Guysss- me and gf deffo didn't come up with a way to kill ur self earlier..

Read more if you wanna know the way.

Get a pen lid. Cover it in clay and let it dry so the holes on top ain't there. Paint it. Then swallow it. Then your chocking and eating paint :3