#tw mentions of ocd

[merakiione]

soap scum

(ione meraki 2024)

[greyssketches]

MORE JAX ANGST PSLLSLSLS

Okay. This is me projecting my issues on to a fictional rabbit thing tho.

Tw: self harm.

[identitty-dickruption]

people with pOCD 🤝 CSA survivors 🤝 other people with taboo sexual thoughts and impulses (intrusive and otherwise)

needing the internet to stop bringing up CSA in unrelated arguments for absolutely no reason

[vibescornerr]

He loves her, even if he has difficulty showing it. 🥹💕💗

[musical-chick-13]

The thing is, when OCD Brain™ goes "morality is complicated" it's not exactly from the standpoint of "I have no idea what the concepts of Good and Bad are." It's more, "I know what my values are, what I consider the concept of 'Good' to be, but I perceive so many things as being antithetical to that concept of 'Good', and I don't know how to sort the Actually Antithetical ones from the Stuff My Brain Worries About Unnecessarily ones, so I spend my life trying to atone both for mistakes I HAVE actually made and for things that no one other than me would consider a 'mistake' in the first place."

Because it's better to be sure, right? If there's anything that could be interpreted as malicious or harmful or selfish or Not Doing Enough (regardless of how much you would have to stretch the definitions of those words to make that actually be true), then better counteract and avoid and whatever-else all of those potential things.

An example of this I usually use when trying to explain all this is the discussion regarding alcohol and consent. All of the people I've met who have this illness (including me), understand that, if someone is under the influence, they cannot actually consent to something--an agreement, a contract, a sexual encounter. If someone is drunk and, therefore, does not actually have full possession of themselves and their mental faculties, something they say or do that might seem like an expression of consent cannot be taken as one. Because, due to those outside circumstances (i.e. the aforementioned "Not Truly Having Self-Possession" and "Something directly interfering with someone's ability to make decisions") consent cannot be considered freely given. Very few people are going to dispute this.

Where OCD might (and frequently does) come in is that many other, not-OCD-having people will, for example, mention going out to a bar and sharing a drink with someone before hooking up with them. Or discussing things during a business dinner where there might be a glass of wine involved. True, these people may not be drunk, but the way alcohol affects the human body is going to be different for every person. Some people might be affected by a little amount of alcohol, even if they don't realize it. Some people have a very low tolerance for it, and there's not really any way for you to know for sure. This is further complicated by the fact that alcohol might stay in your system for a little while. How long does it take for the effects to wear off and you aren't in that state of vulnerability anymore? Again, that will be different for every person, and you have no way of knowing this.

For someone with OCD, the way around these questions might become, "Don't accept any kind of agreement at all (to a contract, to a business arrangement, to sex) from someone if any alcohol has been involved in any way during the hours leading up to that agreement." But if someone lives their life by this particular rule, plenty of people (if not most of them) are going to say they're being over-worried or ridiculous or silly or stupid. Some form of "you're overreacting" (or, in particularly unfortunate cases, "you're crazy/inhuman/authoritarian") will usually be the response from people who don't suffer from this illness. And you don't know why that's the response. You don't know why people don't agree with you. (And in this particular case, I still don't. It's been 30 years, and I still genuinely do not understand why this is the reaction I get.)

And it can be like this in every case. We know germs are bad and that you should be cautious in how you handle them, so people don't get sick. Better make sure to clean everything [a specific overly-complicated way, an inordinate number of times, for a really long amount of time]. You should take responsibility when you hurt people, so why not apologize for everything you do, just to make sure.

Children are a particularly vulnerable and disenfranchised group of people, so why not go out of your way to avoid them, to make absolutely sure you don't make their struggles worse? (<-I'm actually wondering if the recent uptick in "There's no reason for an adult to talk to a child/teenager they aren't related to or teaching" discussion is coming from.)

Obviously abuse is bad, so to make sure you don't do that, you need to punish yourself/do compulsions to atone if you ever so much snap at someone out of irritation or have an argument with them. After all, one mistake could pave the way for more. The only way to be absolutely sure you don't turn into a bad person is to never do anything bad, or erase the times when you do make mistakes. Wishing violence on someone and actively wanting to hurt them is bad, so if you get intrusive thoughts about that (even if you. you know. don't want those thoughts. because they're intrusive.), then you need to do everything you can at all times to make sure that doesn't somehow develop into actually hurting someone. Bad patterns of thought can inspire bad patterns of actions!

(And plenty of people don't even understand the nuances of that last one because we are living in a time where so many people genuinely believe that thoughtcrime is a real thing.)

It's not that OCD erodes your moral code or makes it impossible to have one. It's that it tells you all of these things, many of which you cannot possibly sustain, are necessary actions to uphold that moral code. It's that you know what "bad" is, but you interpret most or all of the things you could ever do as contributing to the "bad." And if this illness is convinced that every single action you take is "bad," then that means there is no realistic way to actually be "good."

[ask-kankri]

ID COMING SOON! (I'm busy in school)

[sappho-favourite-pupil]

vent post incoming, feel free to scroll to avoid it.

I wish i wasn't living in this family with my parents that go from mild abusive behaviour to straight up psychological and physical violence, i wish my mental health didn't suck and my OCD would let me breathe and i wish i wasn't just fucked up so bad from the start that i could never really stand a chance.

[sylveriasarcana]

The Passenger Scene Analysis: "Everything's cool, right Randy?"

Today I'm so tired I can't move from my comfy chair so naturally it's time to once again talk about my favourite hostage situation romcom The Passenger!

I wanna talk about the power shift that happens between Benson and Randy later in the movie after Benson encounters Sheppard again, specifically the scene in the car after the parking lot beating. I recommend reading the post I made about The Passenger as an allegory for OCD recovery first because this post is gonna abide by that reading. You can check that out here, and my other silly little analysis posts can be found under the #scene analysis tag on my blog if you are so inclined!

As always, please mind the tag warnings, some heavy topics are in this one.

*sigh* Let's talk about fucking Sheppard.

If you're wondering why it took me so long to talk about Sheppard in these posts despite his importance to the story, it's because I don't fucking like him. But he is an important part of this analysis, so now we're gonna talk about him!

Meeting Sheppard is the moment where everything begins to change in The Passenger. The movie begins following Randy, and then less than 20 minutes later, it's become clear that Randy may be the main character, but he's not the one in charge: Benson is. The cinematography in the shooting scene does a great job of setting this up, by the way. Self plug.

In the next hour, we get very used to the situation we've been presented with following the inciting incident with the shooting. Benson is in charge, Randy isn't. Nowhere is this more apparent in the scene at the gas station: Benson leaves Randy alone, and Randy visibly thinks "this is my chance to escape". Then the camera pans around him, and there's nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. Just endless empty flat land. Even in a situation where he's been given the power to run away, he can't use it. Where's he gonna go?

Chilling stuff, but what really cements this situation are the moments of normalcy its given. You get the big scary scenes where Benson points a gun at a store clerk while staring Randy down like "run and he dies", but you also get tiny moments of these characters just being very used to the situation they're in, almost comfortable with it. One of my favourite examples of this is right before the audience meets Sheppard; Benson mimics an exploding eyeball to describe Randy's elementary school days to the receptionist and Randy's eyes roll to the back of his head.

Blink and you'll miss it, but it's a great little moment. Not only is it great material for me as a Bitchy Randy truther (bitchy Randy is real and I love him, ok), but it's a moment of... twisted normalcy? Randy has just become so used to this situation he can roll his eyes and accept it for what it is. "Yes, that's my kidnapper, doing a silly little re-enactment of my worst trauma. He's probably gonna drive me around at gunpoint some more after this. This is my life now, I guess."

By this point, Randy, Benson and the audience are all baked into this dynamic of Benson having all the power and Randy having none. It's so commonplace that Randy can both be terrified and just plain exasperated by it. Like he's watching a play that's gone on for a bit too long.

And then, minutes later: Sheppard.

I cannot stress enough how much everything changes when this guy walks down the corridor. Benson immediately tightens and stands up straight, like prey that just heard a twig snapping nearby. That is weird for us. Whoever this guy is, he can't be good news. Who could possibly scare Benson, the scariest person in this movie?

"Mr Sheppard? Elliot Sheppard?"

Benson de-ages about twenty years in this scene, and Randy's noticed it. Something has shaken Benson to his core, and this guy had something to do with it. It's never explicitly stated what happened between Benson and Sheppard, but this exchange makes some things clear: Sheppard was Benson's teacher, he occupies a large enough space in Benson's brain for his full name to haunt him, whatever happened between them happened when Benson was in 3rd grade, and Sheppard doesn't remember him. Sheppard doesn't remember the kid he traumatised. Shit.

And we can definitely assume that whatever Sheppard did to him was fucking awful, because right after this scene Benson beats Sheppard to death in a parking lot.

This is the hardest scene for me to watch in the whole movie. Not because Sheppard doesn't deserve it, but because Jesus Christ, the sounds coming out of Benson are horrifying.

I wouldn't say Benson has been mentally stable up until now, per se, but he's definitely had an illusion of control. He's someone who is very good at pretending they have everything figured out. He spends the movie happily recounting his half-baked socio-political opinions to Randy, confidently deciding where they're going next, telling Randy how important it is to face your past and figure out your shit, and it's... so disturbing seeing all that bravado evaporate so quickly. Benson walks around frantically, shrieking like a wounded animal, and it's the scariest thing in the movie so far. He might be holding Randy hostage but he was the guy that was meant to know what's going on and what happens next. If Benson's lost it, what the hell happens now?

I talked a bit in my first post about how this scene also reveals how far Randy's come over the course of the movie; he is now brave enough to approach Benson while he's waving a gun around and stop him from shooting Sheppard, but interestingly only does it on the grounds that the gun will make noise and attract attention. He never says "Benson, you shouldn't murder a guy in the parking lot". Randy, like us, has picked up on the fact that Sheppard probably did something awful enough to provoke this reaction.

This bravery is going to come in handy in the next scene, because Benson is about to relinquish all control he's had throughout the entire movie.

I've talked before about how when Benson was introduced to the audience, he was facing away from the camera at an awkward angle. When it started becoming apparent that he was the one holding all the cards, he gradually began being shot facing the camera, in full view. Now, after meeting Sheppard, Benson is facing away from us again. Whenever we cut to Randy, we have a full view of his face. Something has changed. Benson's losing control.

This scene parallels an earlier scene where Benson basically gives Randy the abusive boyfriend speech and tells him "I can't have you getting in my way, understand?" and waits for Randy to agree. Here's an excellent gifset that gets that point across!

But something I find really interesting about this scene: Benson seeks reassurance. The way I read this movie, I'd usually expect Randy to do that.

This is where my "Randy has OCD" agenda comes back into play. Oh yeah! Bet you thought I'd forgotten about that! I will never forget, it haunts me, it fuels me, and now you all get to experience that with me-

In short, I think Randy has OCD, and a big thing with OCD is reassurance seeking; asking others if your OCD is right. It's very discouraged in OCD recovery, but a very quick indicator of potential OCD. For example, the diner scene: if you haven't read my other post on this, a quick summary! Randy's OCD theme is essentially "you can't make your own decisions or lives will get ruined". Prior to the diner scene, Randy made a decision: he asked Chris to stop making him uncomfortable. As an indirect result of this, at least in Randy's eyes, lives got ruined: it caused a chain reaction that led to the shooting. In this scene, Randy seeks reassurance: "what does this have to do with me?". Translation, "please tell me the shooting didn't happen because of me". As I've said before, Benson shuts the reassurance seeking down, and that's what makes him my favourite unethical but effective ERP therapist.

But this, right here: this is the moment I knew the power was shifting. Benson does a Randy; he seeks reassurance.

"Everything's cool, right Randy?"

This is the first time Benson has asked for Randy's opinion on any situation, because throughout the movie, Benson has been very clear about the fact that he's in charge and will be making all the decisions. He's just relinquished control here. He's asked Randy, his hostage who has held no power this entire time, to tell him that everything's going to be fine. He's not in charge anymore. He says later that he never was.

Even Randy's perturbed by this. His face says, "You're asking me?". I'm not clear on whether or not Randy knows this, but reassurance giving isn't ideal in most circumstances to do with OCD. He does it anyway, because Jesus Christ. We're not scared of Benson right now, and neither is Randy; we just feel fucking bad for him. Benson does not react well to receiving pity or even the slightest bit of soft spoken sympathy, as we see when he's reacting to Miss Beard later in the movie. But... fuck, he's getting it anyway.

Benson might have spent this whole movie being fucking scary, but seeing all that perceived power he had suddenly die with that one line is just... gut wrenching. It's like seeing your parents cry for the first time: what do you do when the person who's always been in control doesn't have it anymore?

There's suddenly this gaping hole where the power used to be, and later Randy's going to be the one to take it. And this is the scene where it starts; "everything's cool, right Randy?".

Sure, man.

[oli-the-dolly]

How much do others eat in a day with Ana??

I see some people on tv like Charlie who don’t eat almost anything but also don’t count cals but people who do count and eat

so many different amounts so how many do y’all eat??

[pinkbunnieskill]

taking zoloft is basically waking up one day and realizing you can't cum anymore

[greyssketches]

Yummy venting through fiction character

[brokenorbornthatway]

We lost a couple followers after the last post we reblogged, so I figured now is a good time to go over some of our stances so you can know if we're not your cup of tea.

We are profiction, proship, anti harassment ,and anti censorship. No exceptions.

Fiction is an endless playground with no rules, do literally whatever you want for whatever reason you want.

We are pro kink and anti kink shaming. Honestly this is pretty much the same as being profiction/proship. Kink is fantasy. So long as all parties are able to and do consent, kinks are morally neutral.

We are pro para, and to be precise, pro big 3 having the right to exist without being dehumanized/demonized. To be more precise, we wholeheartedly support non offending/anti contact pedophiles. There is nothing wrong with having an attraction. Thought crimes do not exist. We support paraphiles right to exist and find community, support, and healthy ways to embrace themselves without causing harm to themselves or others.

We do not believe there is ever a circumstance in which it becomes acceptable to strip someone of their human rights. We have had more than our fair share of violent fantasies towards people who have wronged us or those we love and people who have caused large scale harm. Believe me, we get the urge to say "but this type of person deserves to be systemically punished". It's pretty easy to buy into. It's never the right answer though. Allowing any one group or type of person or whatever to be dehumanized, means that anyone can be, which leads right back to the systems of oppression we live in now. No one deserves to be treated as less than human.

We are endo supportive and against fake claiming. We don't think it's right to assume that you know better than people what's going on in their own brains. Even if you did think someone is "faking", you don't know them well enough, nor are you educated enough, nor are you in the position (the position being "being their therapist") to tell them they're faking and risk being wrong and causing someone serious mental distress.

We are anti punitive justice and pro restorative justice. We are a prison abolitionist. Prison is never an acceptable answer for "what to do when harm is done?"

We are in favor of youthlib, and still learning about this topic. Children are people and are often treated as less than that. Children are fully autonomous beings and we are in favor of children's rights. Kids deserve to have a say in their lives and the issues that affect them.

We are against body shaming in all instances, including jokes about penis size and jokes about how people with bad opinions look.

We are pro all good faith identities. We really do not understand radqueer or transID things, but as long as you aren't causing harm, we support you.

We are pro self diagnoses. Diagnoses is a privilege that is unavailable to many and is a thing that is unsafe to some. I don't believe in armchair diagnosing others. Unless you're their doctor, you don't have the qualifications to diagnose them. However, I absolutely believe everyone is the expert on themselves, and with the information on whatever the condition on question is, most people can at least make a pretty good educated guess on what's going on with themselves.

We are against equating normal with good.

We are anti fascist and anti colonization.

We love and support Jewish people.

We believe in second chances. People can learn to do better and everyone deserves that chance. We believe in rehabilitation. To be human is to fuck up. It's a lot easier to admit your fuck ups and learn better when you see other people doing the same and being accepted.

We think violence is a key part of human nature and that it is something that needs to be fully embraced so that there are ample options to act out violent urges without causing harm that are easily accessible without fear of being shamed. There are already tons of options to for this in existence, but the stigma towards openly enjoying and wanting violence is huge barrier. Rather than meeting someone who says they're having violent urges with "count to ten, do deep breaths, GET HELP," we could meet them with "ok, that's totally human and normal. We've got video games, rage rooms, etc, where you can work through those violent urges in a healthy way." I don't know about everyone, but for us, learning that throwing soft things against the wall while rage screaming was an acceptable and safe way to manage anger and the urge to throw shit was a huge relief. Humanity is brutal, so in order to heal and build something better, I think safe ways to express that brutality and openness regarding it are vital.

Nothing really exists in terms of absolutes. This one is one that's hard for us due to being prone to black and white, all or nothing thinking. Everything falls in shades of grey. There is nuance in everything.

This one is basically a repeat, but it's important to us: every human life has intrinsic value that can not be taken away, no matter how "bad" they are or how much wrong they've done. Everyone deserves to be treated like a human, no matter what. If human rights don't apply to everyone, then they aren't human rights, they're "good people rights", and that should scare you.

That's all I can think of right now. Be aware that this is a vent blog. We might vent or rant about any of the above topics at length. If any of these things are not for you, we kindly invite you to leave.

[number1greedlingfan]

saw a hc a while back and i spent ages looking for it (couldn't find it, not important) that was ling yao with ocd. all i have to say abt this is it adds another layer to his "eats anything" schtick—you mean to tell me he can overpower extremely heinous intrusive thoughts to clear his plate? multiple plates??

does "you're eating bugs you're eating bugs this is larva" or "you have an intestinal parasite it's IN YOU it's MOVING YOU CAN FEEL IT STOP EATING YOU'RE FEEDING IT" mean nothing to this guy???

[disconsolate-enby]

having health ocd while suicidal is so funny. "we can't go to sleep, our organs will shut down and we'll die!" I THOUGHT DYING WAS THE GOAL??

[vrs-culdesac]

ocd makes my brain melt

“OCD makes my brain melt,” a piece talking about a personal struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder and the conflicting emotions it brings forth when one gives into their mind, but against their will.

[sparrowsortadrawzzz]

pssssst...neurodivergent person.....

reminder to stop picking at your cuticles <33 use an orange stick, some trimmers, and cuticle oil, the owie is not worth it

love you big bunches!