#tw low self-esteem

[my-lovely-writing]

Obey Me! Lucifer with an abused teen MC.

Little notes: Haha, sorry that was a bit of a hiatus! I've been struggling with, well...life. You know how it is. But I'm back because I have fictional person brain rot. If you don't want to see anything besides my hero/villain stuff, feel free to blacklist the obey me tags.

Also, I'm kinda new to the obey me! fandom, so I'm sorry if the characters are a bit off. I won't be writing about some of them until I've learned more about them.

With that said, if you have any triggers, please check the tw tags before clicking below. This is about an MC who's been abused.

Lucifer

Lucifer found it a bit strange how quickly you took to him.

He makes you do your homework before class tomorrow? No complaints. He reminds you of bedtime (which you have because nobody's allowed to stay up later than Lucifer in the house of lamentation due to the fact that there may not be one left by morning)? "Okay, no problem! I can study TSL later." (Still trying to hang out with Levi, are you?) If anything, you seem grateful for his overbearing tendencies.

Really, with the chaos of his brothers, he's a little bit weirded out by how much trouble you don't cause. Maybe you're just scared of the demons?

Yeah, that has to be it. Works for him.

Except...it doesn't.

Not when he comes in screaming at Mammon for yet another failing grade and you start trembling, face pale and legs locked from your place on the couch, as if you don't quite know whether to freeze or run.

Dammit, he needs to take care of this lest the angels see you as a hostage and another celestial war is started. Besides, Diavolo doesn't want the human exchange student terrified, he's trying to foster relations.

So, for once, Lucifer forgoes stringing Mammon up from the ceiling, much to everyone's surprise (and your and his shared relief) and instead stalks off to his office to calm down with his favorite cursed records.

Later that night, when he's sending everyone to bed, he saves you for last. "MC, please follow me to my office."

His tone is gentle, reassuring even, but you know better than to mistake it for a request. Your mind races as you follow him on shaky legs. What have you done now? Idiot!

When you reach his office, Lucifer gestures for you to sit in the armchair across from his desk. It's surprisingly comfortable as you sink into it, but you can't help feeling like you're being swallowed up. Is he going to eat you?

As he sits in the chair across from you, it doesn't seem like it. Yet.

"How are you adjusting to life in The Devildom?"

You can't figure out his game here. His face reveals little, but you get the sense that he's asking a question without asking it.

"I'm adjusting," you say simply, expecting him to drop it at that. You're just a mortal, after all.

"I asked how you are adjusting," he counters. "It must be a big shift for you."

Really, it must be, he had realized earlier in the confines of his office—he and his brothers struggled enough after the fall, but you, in your human ways, had not even realized the existence of magic or god before coming here, and now you're surrounded by demons? Not to mention that you're still a child. Lucifer doesn't like to curse, usually finding such foul language beneath him, but he doesn't know what to call it other than a mindfuck.

The Avatar of Pride's efforts to push away the tinge of guilt that accompanied said realization have been in vain. He and his brothers haven't exactly been nice to you, have they?

He's long decided to help you adjust, if only to get rid of this stubborn and unbecoming guilt, but he can't exactly do that if you won't tell him what's wrong and you're just staring at him like a gaping fish, so he doubles down. "Are you experiencing any difficulties, MC?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck—if your mind was racing before, it's moving so quickly now that it's burning into ashes that, somehow, through the magic you've just learned exists, are blown away by the wind to spell those three words.

"MC?" Lucifer repeats your name, eyes widening in that half a millimeter of concern Diavolo talks about (referencing that one chat, I forget the actual measurement and I know his eyes technically widened in surprise, but give me a break) . Is this a human thing? No demons he knows of are this...weak. It's an active effort for him to restrain his judgement as he raises his eyebrows at you which, finally, seems to prompt a response.

"P-please, I'm sorry, I'll do better! I'm sorry for whatever I did. I w-won't do it again, don't eat me!"

Well...

Suddenly he feels like an ass for judging you. Just what ideas has Mammon been putting into your head? You look like you've seen your own ghost. And again, he reminds himself, you are a weak and defenseless human child in a world of demons.

"Nobody, not even Beel, is going to eat you. As our human exchange student, I won't allow you to die before the year closes," he says, lips pulling into a frown, studying you more intently now and watching the way you squirm as he looks at you, back ramrod straight against the armchair. What is going on with you? "Why do you believe that I would eat you?"

"I, uh..." Okay, so you don't think he'll eat you, but it's never good when an adult looks at you like that. "I don't know, you seemed upset earlier and now I've been called in here, so I thought I might have screwed up somehow—not, like, arson or anything, but I thought...I thought you'd find something."

"You thought I'd find something?" Lucifer stresses the word.

"...Yes?" you say with all the hesitance of someone on death row confessing to a crime. You swear you see Lucifer's eye twitch for just a split second.

Meanwhile, Lucifer's got it. At first, he didn't really pay all that much mind when Diavolo mentioned that you come from "troubled circumstances", mostly hoping that you wouldn't be just as troubled and therefore troubling yourself, but he's starting to see that you are—just in a different way than the others.

Of course, he doesn't outright mention or address the clues he's just put together—The Avatar of Pride can tell better than anyone that you're hiding your past as well as you can, which is, admittedly, not well, but he's been persuaded to humor you.

"I am not a sadist." Okay, he is, but it's better that you not know that. He continues, "I am not looking to find something to punish you for and, while there are some things I would kill you for such as threatening my brothers, Diavolo, or the Devildom, I have no intentions of causing you harm under regular circumstances. You may get an F on your math test without fearing me or any punishment I would give you, MC."

You blink as you process the words, a little bit of the fear edging out of your body. "I can?" Your voice is tentatively hopeful.

"You can," Lucifer reaffirms, shuffling his paperwork around, if only for your benefit, as tears begin to brim in your eyes. He allows you to save face. "Go to bed. You're welcome in my office if you ever need to talk."

"Thank you," you mumble to him as you hurry from the room. You don't know what this means, but you know you're not dead and that's good enough.

The next morning, Lucifer's brothers are woken up earlier and met with a stern talk about being kind to you, accompanied by the reminder that you are a child even by human standards who is adjusting to life in literal hell and the threat of them having to adjust to hell a second time over (a punishment—Lucifer's punishment is the second hell). "We're building relations with the exchange student for Diavolo," he justifies explains.

His brothers aren't terribly thrilled with the idea of cozying up to a human, but they agree because they remember how hard the fall was for them.

Asmodeus, being the most familiar and cool with humans due to his pact with Solomon and finding your fearful, doe-like nature adorable, offers to take you out clubbing—to which Lucifer reminds him of the child thing.

Fine, fine, no clubbing. He'll pamper you instead, you certainly have enough split ends to suggest you could use a haircut.

From then on out, a new rule is established where each of the brothers, Lucifer included, have to spend time with you every so often with one or more brothers spending time with you each day of the week.

Needless to say, you're confused by the sudden kindness but you soon don't mind it, finding yourself slowly warming up to them—and, much to the shock of your ruined self-esteem, they to you.

Lucifer is pleasantly surprised and secretly grateful to find that his brothers get into less trouble with you around and, eventually, even more pleasantly surprised to find that you seem almost normal around them. You no longer eat in silence at the dinner table, refuse to meet their eyes, or cower like a puppy used to getting kicked when they raise their voices at each other (everyone has learned not to raise their voice at you, even Satan).

It's not long before Lucifer is calling you his best behaved child sibling. He even goes so far as to have everyone retake the family photo with you in it.

Is there any way he can turn you into a demon? He'd like you to be his child sibling for forever, and humans die far too quickly. As far as Lucifer's concerned, Satan has something new to research.

And it's not as though you don't seem to have some level of darkness in you. Just the other day you heard screams coming from the lower levels of Lord Diavolo's castle and followed them in spite of your fear, kind heart wanting to aid whoever was suffering.

According to Barbatos, you didn't even flinch when you found him torturing your parents, pliers still gripped around one of your dad's bloody fingernails.

Hell, you even asked to join in! (How Barbatos responded to that, I'll let you all imagine lol)

Also, Lucifer will never admit it, but he's quite possibly never felt more pride than the time you, Satan, and Belphie pranked him with a whoopie cushion on his desk chair. Normally he would have beat his brothers with it, but he could tell from the less than ideal invisibility cloak over the object that you were involved and hid a smile from prying eyes as he sat on what felt like his throne despite the ensuing fart noises.

And that's how his family of seven became eight once again.

[murtagh-thorn]

Question: would having a scewed negative view of yourself or multiple insecurities, or things like being neurodivergent or struggling with several negative core beliefs due to trauma, impact your ability to figure it out your own true name? The narrative seems to tell us multiple times that not knowing your own true name could be dangerous and a kink in your armor, but what if your view of yourself is so screwed or you don’t know who you are to where you literally CAN’T figure it out?

[heckitall]

One | Two | Three

-

you ever need someone outside your family

to make you have the hard conversations

whether you want it or not

cuz same

-

also! warm water/ice/smelling something strong (like lemons!) can help ground people who are having a panic/flashback

i swear by the warm mug of water

[azure-faye]

i just remembered this but i read a really, really hot monsterfucking fic BUT between two monsters!! very specifically it’s between two monsters of the same species but different subspecies AKA like, a vulture and a hummingbird or whatever. HOW-ever, this one was specifically with mers (mermaids).

moving on to the meat (heh) of the idea, i quite, quite like the idea of our lil, chubby guppy a bit down on their luck, mating wise. maybe they live in a little alcove, by their lonesome, getting by day by day, practically giving up on the idea of mating all together.

perhaps they don’t think their scales are very pretty, or their general body either. oh sure, they’re fast but — all smaller fishes like them are. you have to be fast if you see the glint of sharp teeth, the whip of predator's dorsels, or the gray shine of a fin… 

in the interim of this resignation, perhaps our guppy darling finds some nice rocks by a shoreline to sun bathe on. it’s a way past the area of your alcove, of where safety is (most big, predator mers wouldn’t be able to get in, from how small the entrance is, anyways) but… it’s been so long since you’ve sunbathed. and you know that particular shoreline has no land dwellers nearby nor that many predators either. 

the thought of leaving your home, the familiar and safe, makes your heart tick a little too fast, makes you trill uneasily but… oh the sun would feel so nice against my scales and fins… what’s a little sun, anyways? it’s been getting a bit cold around the alcove, anyways…

you seem to never notice the pale, white-grey irises stalking your form between the high trains of seaweed, or in the dark spots of the water. you never notice the glint of jagged teeth, or pointed fins dipping in and out of the corals. you never notice, all to content in this facsimile of safety you’ve constructed for yourself…

[justaneedle]

Many people talk so much about how Percy "is so amazing at everything but has terribly low self-esteem." I do enjoy his character and find his inner monologues funny,but I've never seen Percy as someone with self-worth issues. If I try to read him under that light,it becomes ridiculous. I've never seen him doubt himself to the point of screwing shit up,having trouble accepting affection or compliments,nor having any "down on himself" feelings draining his energy in some way. Percy is just humble,quiet, and nonchalant about his deeds. I don't know if Rick intended to have his protagonist struggle with such issues or if it's a popular fanon,but Percy being "too hard on himself" feels more like an aesthetic TikTok version of it.

As someone who struggled with self-worth issues,I feel like Luke is a much better showcase of it. Between the need for validation(Kronos lavished Luke with praise,if his words in TLT are anything to go by) and feeling envy of Percy(as Kronos pointed out in TBoL or TLO,saying "hatred and jealousy kept him obedient). We don't see anything of that in his inner monologues.

(On a tangent,this is related to my beef with show!Luke. The raw hurt and exhaustion of someone deeply traumatized by terrible life experiences and little to no support isn't properly portrayed. His show self is too sanitized and polished. Yes,show!Luke lashed out against Percy,but it doesn't hold a candle to the resentment book!Luke had against CHB)

Okay, actually, I literally have nothing to add because you're right!

And while I can understand exactly what people take for Percy's self-esteem issues, it's actually a consequence of us as readers literally sitting in his head. It's natural for all people to doubt themselves from time to time and feel unwanted (especially considering that Percy is literally a disabled child from a single-parent family with an abusive stepfather), but this is not the same thing. And yes, this is most noticeable when you look at other characters who have obvious problems with self-esteem (aka Luke, Annabeth, and even Thalia) — this has a clear effect on their behavior and actions, and this is noticeable without us literally looking into their POV — they are all extremely susceptible to manipulation and their problems with self-esteem are fueled their not the best qualities. Thalia is too ambitious and strives to be the main one, dominant precisely because she unconsciously strives to show her importance. Annabeth is arrogant in her desire to be the best, because for years she considered herself unwanted, nothing more than a mistake. Luke's grudge is literally based on the fact that he is a abandoned child who has never felt fully (of course there's was people who loved him, but how much they did that? and that more important, how much of their love he really could understand?) loved, to fix everything — to make sure that children like him no longer have to feel unwanted and unloved, even if it means doing a number of terrible things.

Percy has obvious suicidal tendencies and this is exactly what is visible to the naked eye — he's somewhat passive when it comes to his status as the hero of the story, main character — he isn't really one — the plot takes place AROUND Percy. He simply doesn't have a directed desire to do something, which is often characteristic of his problems. Life and unnecessary gestures simply don't make enough sense (unfortunately, I speak from my own experience).

[cleosmasterpiece]

I haven’t liked myself in so long

[lily-janus]

Being Needed

Order up for @kieraelieson for the Sleepy Bean Fanfic Cafe' event on @tsspromptmonth who wanted, Canonverse Logan/Virgil. A soft hurt/comfort sick fic. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Logan helps Virgil and Thomas... and maybe himself too

Characters: Logan, Virgil and Thomas

Relationships: platonic Analogical

Word count: 902

Trigger warnings: anxiety attack, low self esteem, sickness, food mention, let me know if I missed anything!

"Thomas? Are you listening?” Logan tried his best to keep his voice its usual neutral tone, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.

Due to Thomas’ ADHD, Logan got used to him spacing out at times during their scheduling conversations. Today it seems to happen more frequently, though, so much so that Logan doubts he even listened from the beginning.

…Thomas still didn’t respond to his question, and when Logan looked at him closely he noticed that his eyes seemed unfocused. He raised his hand in front of Thomas’ face and snapped his fingers in hopes of shaking him back to reality.

It seemed to work as Thomas flinched and finally looked at Logan with a new focus. Frowning, Logan asked, “are you well, Thomas? Should I check on the others?”

“I ah…” Thomas struggled to speak, his breathing heavy for some reason, his forehead sweating a little, it almost looked like…

“Thomas, are you having an anxiety attack? I remember you researching signs of silent anxiety attacks, you seem to be showing most of those symptoms.” Logan said urgently, becoming more and more worried.

Thomas gripped his chest, right above his heart, and simply nodded “check… Virgil…” Thomas managed to say between labored breaths, closing his eyes and feeling the wall next to him with his hand, trying to ground himself.

As much as Logan didn’t want to leave Thomas like this, he knew he was right, Virgil was probably the core of this problem so the best way to help Thomas at the moment is to help Virgil.

Nodding, Logan sank down and sank up in the mindscape, heading straight to Virgil’s room and knocking on his door, loud enough to be heard but, hopefully, not too loud that it’ll startle him.

“Come in…” he heard a weak, hoarse voice calling from the inside, making his worries increase.

He closed the door behind him as he went in towards Virgil’s bed, seeing him crawled out in a ball on it, whimpering quietly.

“Virgil? What’s wrong?” He asked softly as he bent near the bed.

“I don’t know!” Virgil wailed, gripping his spider plushy tighter, “I just woke up today and… everything hurts Logan… I think I might be sick” he let out a cough as if to emphasize his statement.

“May I check your temperature?" He asked calmly, knowing how Virgil feels about physical touch at times.

Virgil nodded weakly and Logan gently placed his hand on his sweaty forehead. “As I suspected, your temperature is definitely higher than is recommended. You are indeed sick, which would explain Thomas’ state.”

Virgil turned to his side to look at Logan at that statement, “am I… hurting him again?” His voice is so weak and he sounds close to tears.

Logan shook his head, “no Virgil, anxiety would always be a struggle, that is something that no one, especially not you, can control. It would make sense that the worse you feel the stronger Thomas’ anxiety becomes, but that is something you can’t help. Best you can do is give yourself time to heal.”

Virgil still looked guilty but he nodded, “I’ll just rest today then… I don’t wanna bother you or the others, this’ll-” he sneezed, “pass” he finished.

Logan shook his head, reaching for a tissue box next to Virgil’s bed and handing him one. “It’ll pass quicker with help.” He pointed out, “and I would hope that, by now, you know that your needs, or anyone else’s, are not a bother.”

Virgil didn’t respond, simply blew his nose and threw the tissue in the bin beside his bed. But he didn’t object to Logan helping either.

Logan got up, “I’m going to make you breakfast and tea as I’m assuming you haven’t eaten today yet.”

Virgil shook his head, “just tea… not hungry.”

“Hungry or not, your body needs energy in order to heal properly, I’ll return shortly.”

Virgil grumbled but didn't protest farther, so Logan left to do as he said.

As the food was cooking, Logan sank up to check on Thomas, finding him on the couch, doom scrolling on his phone.

“Thomas?” He asked gently, though the question still startled Thomas as he jumped, almost dropping his phone.

“Oh… Logan… How's Virgil?” He asked when he calmed down a little.

“He appeared to be sick, I’m helping him recover, distraction is not a bad coping mechanism but please do try some grounding and breathing exercises as well.” He was about to sink back to the mindscape when Thomas grabbed his arm.

“Thank you…” he smiled weakly at him.

“Oh um… of course, Thomas, it’s my job to make sure you are functioning properly.” Logan quickly recovered from his intial surprise.

“I know, I appreciate that.” Thomas squeezed Logan’s arm with another smile, looking relieved, then let go and closed his eyes, breathing in and out slowly.

As Logan rose back up in the mindscape and finished preparing Virgil’s food and tea, he felt an unfamiliar warmth spread through his chest.

That same warmth increased when Virgil thanked him for the food and… for being there for him, shaking his head fondly after Logan pointed out it was part of his job.

It felt… good to be needed again, he didn’t realize just how much he missed that feeling. As he watched Virgil eat, he allowed himself a tiny, genuine, smile. He can still be useful after all…

[yonderghostshistories]

I made this cuz ngl I was pretty down and in a low asf mood earlier today 😔❤️

(I’m better right now btw dw guys <33)

RIP Graham I and all of us miss you soso much 😔❤️❤️❤️

[murtagh-thorn]

Can’t help thinking about what it would be like to struggle with mental illness or neurodivergence or developmental trauma that maybe causes some negative schemas/thought patterns while having a dragon also privy to all that. What would happen to the dragon? What would they think of all that and how would they handle it? Especially if, like in my previous post about being unable to sus out your own true name, they had a pretty firm grasp on who they were and had an overall positive view of themselves? What if the rider felt really bad about their dragon being subjected to how loud/“negative” their head is and just kept feeling guilty and apologizing? Would this eventually create problems between dragon and rider where they’re sort of stuck with this mental bond, but starting not to like each other, or would they try and support and heal them as much as they could?

[seeminglydark]

i hope it's not a spoiler but how long were caro and john homeless for? also how did they spend their time during the day?

uhhh hmmmm, nah i dont think it's a spoiler really. Caro was only homeless for like, a week. Their charm and charisma (and expert sad baby eyes) landed them a job at the GasCo pretty fast, and their boss took them in after a day. Before that, they lounged in their car, read a lot of books to spare phone battery, and wrote in their journal. Sometimes sat in coffee shops or couch surfed with the few friends they had left in town. They were a little better off than john because they had some money saved up and more of a plan, and a somewhat safe place to sleep.

TW Johns story is a bit rougher.

He was homeless for about 8 months. He basically just tried to survive in the background. Because of his felony charge, and not so great reputation, most people weren't too inclined to help him. He didn't contact old friends because he was ashamed of what they'd think of him. He spent most of his time trying to survive, stay out of sight, scraping up change either by begging or sexual favors to buy dollar menu burgers and cigarettes. Some of the people he spent time with probably did try to help him, but he really didn't think he was worth the trouble. He spent time in the library sometimes when he figured out they wouldn't throw him out and they would let him listen to audio books and use the toilet. Sometimes he go to the park and draw or watch the little animals and ducks. He didn't really have a lot of joy left during that time, but he was determined to live as long as he could out of spite.

[justaneedle]

Just a thought: Luke didn't have anyone he could rely on.

Not only when we talk about the figure of a parent or just an adult, but he also didn't have an equal.

Something relatively close to this was Thalia, and even she, either led him (less because she led, but because Luke followed) or he covered her back. I mean, even in this relationship, where he could rely on her, they weren't at least somewhat equal because of their early trauma and loneliness. And even that two or three single years in his life ends abruptly — Luke loses Thalia, being only a fourteen-year-old kid.

And that's it. Chiron doesn't give a fuck, Dionysus doesn't give a royalfuck, but Luke has a bunch of kids just like him — desperate for someone they can rely on.

And so on for the rest of his damn short life. Even the whole point of manipulations and emotional swings from Kronos is that he made him feel needed. Luke has been so hungry for this feeling all his life that he just turns a blind eye to neglect, aggression and fucking torture, just for another swing when he can feel valuable. Literally Backbiter — the sword is a gift. And then what happens?

Luke returns Thalia and she, technically unchanged since turning into a tree... she dumped him, technically kills and chooses those whom she just hated.

I literally can't blame Luke for last desperate attempt to grab onto the only person he has left — Annabeth. At that moment he was again that 14-year-old kid who just had lost his only support.

I mean, no blame on Annabeth, but if I were Luke, I'd apathetically let myself be put in a golden coffin and literally die, too.

***

Thalia deserves special mention here, since her decision to stay with the Hunters of Artemis and loyalty directly to the goddess could be explained by the desperate desire of a teenager to get at least some support and stability, even if it means sacrificing her beliefs—

But for this Rick should give an actual FUCK! Which he didn't!

[catboynutsack]

children of divorce this, children of divorce that. how about the children of parents who were emotionally divorced for as long as all the children can remember but they would refuse to divorce For The Children and now every member of that family is individually fucked up, almost beyond repair, in their own special ways

[princess-ofthe-furries]

Nightmare:Remember my sweet lunino, you always tell your feelings to your father, understand?

Lunino:Yes father, I always trust you

Yes, this is lunino teenager owo

As a teenager, he is suffering from anxiety and low self-esteem.

Well nightmare...he is taking advantage of your son's negative feelings...yes

Nightmare is not entirely a loving, caring and angelic daddy, he loves Lunino as a son but he needs negative feelings to become stronger and takes advantage of this from his son to console him.

Nightmare can be described as a manipulative father perhaps

(Yes^^, this is the new improved design of nightmare, I still don't know how to draw the crown properly but I liked it owo)

Nightmare @jokublog

Lunino by me

[superchat]

"you can be mean its okay" PFF NO, NEVER

love beam phewwwoooom ♡

[mooontia]

when this song starts playing and suddenly it's 2021 again and i spend my days rotting in bed wishing i was dead