#trying to think of all the tags I can use for this post but I’m stumped tbh
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➛ K I L L A
paring: killer!bsf!billie x reader
warnings: smut, mentions of blood (duh), kiddnaping, cheating, mesionary, doggy, billie calls r names (slut, like a few times), mean billie, mentions of alchool, kind of angst(?), strap-on sex, fingering, r has a bf, smut written by a minor. i think that's it, please comment if you find any more! ty
wc: 4,413
SYNOPSIS: billie kills, billie heals.
taglist: @chrissv4mp, @billiesguitar, @ilovebillieeilish2000, @d14n4ol, @raspberrymacaroon if your not a part of this list but want to be comment under my tag list post, which is on my masterlist.
an: so sorry this took so long, i had exams and was also busy irl with things, after finishing i feel so fucking tired and literally everything discusts me idk what tf is wrong with me.
he was sweet at first. you swore it. he was the type to give you flowers everyday. and used to send you good morning and goodnight texts everyday. until he didn’t. you don’t know when you detected that change in him. you don’t know if he just decided to be cruel one day.
he doesn’t even hit you. is what he says. it’s true. he doesn’t. but what he does do, is manipulate and completely destroy your ego with just words.
like when he pointed out that it looked like you were gaining wight. he didn’t even have to tell you. you were like his trained dog. his trophy wife—girlfriend. like you had no use beyond your looks.
he’d always let his “friends” touch you, always try to impress them with you. point out that you were his pretty, submissive, pet girlfriend. most of them were ugly too.
was what billie says. she said that you should leave the asshole or maybe break into his house kill him in his sleep. she suggested doing it, but you always laughed it off. saying he treats you completely fine.
she always came over at your house when she knew he was there. intruding on your weekly dates and sitting on your couch like it was hers. he’d always glare at her. and you understood she could be a little infuriating sometimes and a little possessive but if henry wanted you, then he’d have to deal with your best friend too.
you met billie in 3rd grade. when you were small and new to the huge school. she approached you, and asked you to play with her in recces. you had so much in common. she loved to run, and you loved to run…
you were good together. you balanced each other out.
but she scares you sometimes—considering she has a gun, she’d always pretend to be dead. but you were immune to her little pranks now. she did them too often. you were too used to them.
you went to the bar just to get a drink or two. to get a break from your annoying boyfriend and equally annoying best friend, you loved her. really, you did. but she tires you out.
until you saw an incredibly hot boy walk toward you.
“hey,” he said, with a pretty smile, he was beautiful, you knew boys weren’t supposed to be beautiful, but he was.
“hi,” you said back, slightly looking up at him, tall too.
“think i can buy you a drink?”
you bit your lip, didn’t even think about henry, didn’t even think about your boyfriend.
you nodded, “i’m quinn, and you are..?” he asked, waiting for you to say your name.
“y/n.” you answered.
he was sweet and polite—talked with you a little to see if you were interested, not the intrusive, even-if-you-say-no-i-still-wanna-annoy-you type. told you he could drive you home, even asked for your number
you listened. found yourself in his jacked up car. didn’t even question why it smelled so awful in there (billie’s pranks made you not even question it). or why he had a shady duffle bag in his back seat.
“you want some water?” he asked you, driving away from the bar, and to the main road.
“yeah,” you nodded, taking a few sips and recapped it, placing it in the cup holder in the dashboard, “thank you.” you mumbled.
“you’re welcome.”
you don’t know exactly when you blacked out. it happened all at once almost. his hands on your body tying you to a wooden chair. when you woke up you were in a big warehouse. drowsy, quinn. on your phone, scrolling.
“what?” you say, looking up, and looking around. trying to find out why you were tied to a chair. when your gaze fell on him.
“your awake.” he smiled, “i think i used too much powder.” what the fuck?“you slept for too long.”
how. how the hell. did you get kidnapped. it was infuriating. all you wanted was to relax and have a drink. but you get into even more annoying bullshit.
he stayed on your phone for at least 30 minutes, or at least that’s how much it felt like. quinn groaned, massaging his temples and looking up at you.
“you got a charger?” he said, and you shake your head. which made him sigh even louder.
it took a while but he found a charger in his duffle bag. found a plug and sat down on the dirty floors continuing to scroll through your phone. also a creep. why was everyone you were remotely attracted to either 34 years old or a complete weirdo?
you heard the warehouse door creek, and see a dark figure creep inside. wearing all black clothes and—they were walking towards you.
they were in front of you now, looking up, you say a black mask and sunglasses with the hood of the hoodie covering almost everything. you wondered how he(?) could see.
you let out a small “mhph” and the figure tilted it’s head, going behind you and waiting for quinn to notice. he didn’t. so he hit the corner of the wooden chair, emitting a loud “THUMP” through out the large warehouse.
quinn finally looked behind him. “hey— uh, are you..?” he stood up, probably thinking the figure was also a killer? kidnapper? whatever. maybe he was his sidekick or something. you didn’t know. all you knew was that the person behind you had a knife. and it was currently on your neck.
“hey! whoaa, calm down dude. you don’t need to do that. we’re friends right?” for a kidnapper, he was pathetic. really fucking pathetic.
you couldn’t see behind you, but considering quinn’s smile, it was good. “yeah! yeah.. your nodding so we’re friends. we’re friends.” he repeated. seeing the man? woman? person? you didn’t know, walk towards him, with the knife hanging off his right hand.
you never would’ve seen it coming. all you saw was blood splattering across the walls and dripping onto the floors. you wanted to scream. but you closed your eyes instead. the scene of the knife slitting quinn’s throat. how he tried dropped to the floor and coughed blood.
the scene kept repeating in your brain and you saw it when you closed your eyes. you finally open your eyes. and saw the figure walking towards you, dropping the bloody knife to the floor and bending to your eye level.
it was sort of intimate. how his bloody gloved hands removed your gag. you breathed through your mouth for a while. swallowing and licking your dry lips. “thank you.” you mumble-whisper, he was untying you now and you didn’t know whether to be scared of him, or thankful that he just killed your kidnapper.
he untied you, took your hand and walked towards the seemingly dead body of quinn. there was a body of blood around him, he bent down and took the car keys from quinn’s dead body.
you felt safe. it was scary because you felt safe. a killer was holding your hand and leading you to a car and you felt safe.
he opened the door to quinn’s car. and you realized that he hasn’t spoken a word ever since he walked into the doors of that warehouse.
you didn’t know what to say. all you wanted to do was go home. or go to billie. anywhere that’s not here.
his driving was that to billie’s. you didn’t notice, maybe you did, your was brain too messy to think logically. of why you were in a killer’s car, and why you felt safe.
you arrived at the nearest building. a gas station. just staring at the gas station. did he expect you to get off? you couldn’t. your knees were too weak. so you just stared at him. and he stared at you. just holding the wheel and looking out his side of the window, waiting for you to leave. like he’d done his part or something.
“what?” you said dryly, “i’ll go— just gimme a little.” you sigh, and lay back on the seat. you could hear him sigh too. he bucked his hips and slid half way down the seat. just like billie did.
you both breathed for a while. until you gained the courage to leave. he drove off the second you got out. you walked to the gas station. there were 2 other cars behind you and you had blood on your cheeks.
the bell ringed at your entrance. and the part-timer didn’t spare a glance at you. you felt small. you kind of wanted to be small, you wanted to be like, six or something.
“um—” you wanted to go home. all you could think of was home, home, home and billie.
“what.” she said, still not looking up from her phone. you wanted her to see you. thinking your appearance would explain your situation without you having to move your mouth.
she sighed, and looked up. closing her phone and looking. her eyes skimmed past your skirt and hoodie and stared at your face.
she helped. gave you her phone so you could call someone to pick you up and you called billie. you knew if you called your henry he’d take two hours to get here. she helped clean up your bloody face and you finally talked.
“i ran away.” you explained, and kathryn listened intently, “i— i um—” you stutter, and she rubbed your arms reassuringly, you were struggling to find a good excuse, you couldn’t. so you told her the half-truth.
billie came to pick you up in record time, it took her 25 minutes. which was fast because the ride to here would take at least 33 minutes. probably sped up.
billie was concerned when she came, she hugged you tightly when you got out the station, mumbling “thank fuck your safe.” and “i don’t know what i’d do without you.” it was the first time you’ve seen her so scared. she wasn’t the type to panic, if she did she would hide it.
you were still shook. your back was stiff and your usual laid back position in her car turned all polite with your hands on your lap and your head towards the window. whenever billie asked something you’d reply dryly, you felt bad but what did she expect?
at first she wanted to take you home. to your own house that you own. but you couldn’t stay alone after that. it was too traumatizing. so she drove you to her house.
when you entered your nose was filled with billie. her musky cologne and her.
she took you to her room, and it was a mess. you didn’t care though, collapsed onto her queen sized bed. and tried to not pay attention to the smell, it reminded you of his car. the water, the bag. everything reminded you of him.
“do you wanna change?” she asked, and you nodded. looking around her room like it was the first time you’ve seen it.
she was holding the clothes now, expecting you to get up and wear them. you didn’t. just stared up at her.
“come on,” she mumbled, taking your arm and helping you get up. you didn’t know what happened, maybe your brain finally processed the entire situation. maybe you expecting felt safe enough to just cry. you did, you felt tears welling up in your eyes when billie tried taking your shirt off, you cried in her arms and she held you.
you let out small whimpers and hiccups of her name and while trying to calm you down she put your head on her shoulder, turning your head you saw a pile of black clothes in the corner, probably thrown in a hurry. ignoring it, you dig your head in her neck and breathe her in. her scent calmed you down.
its been 3 minutes now and billie has been rubbing you back and kissing your shoulders the whole time.
all you wanted to do was curl up in her lap and not think. you just wanted to not think for once. maybe she could run her hands through your hair while doing it. you didn’t have to ask. she took you to lay your head on her lap. and your heart ached with something you’ve never felt before, something indescribable and immensely painful. you curled up, half in her lap, half in your own, in desperate need of comfort from someone other than him yourself. for a moment, her gentle touch helped you forget.
it was peaceful. it was so damn peaceful and you wanted to cry because you’ve never felt so safe before. your knees hurt. and the way your legs were positioned on her lap actually hurt. but you couldn’t get away. you couldn’t think—you couldn’t do anything. it was like you were frozen.
but you liked it. you liked not thinking and not doing anything—it felt good. like for once you didn’t have to do anything. billie ran her hands through your hair and slowly undressed you with her eyes. she rubbed your hips and kissed your arms. it felt good and you wanted more.
“can i take this off?” she asked.
“yes.” you replied, turning around slightly to see her pulling your hoodie above your arms and off. she laid it down next to her and she gazed upon you like you were the moon and stars and her savior. you felt needed. in that moment you felt like someone wanted you, beyond just as friends or girlfriends or boyfriends.
billie finally touched you. she touched your belly first. rubbing your sides and looked at you. you felt kind of shy? her eyes made you shy. you wanted to look away. but you couldn’t. gasping, once her roaming hands touched your breasts.
“fuck.” she mumbled, and you didn’t even think of what you were doing. just focused on how good it felt, to have her on top of you—touching you. it was the sort of thing you dream of and never expect it to actually happen. but it did. it was happening right now.
“billie.” you whine-gasp as her hand slips under your skirt and lifting it up. it was a pornographic scean really. literally the things you’d see in porn. this was different though—heavenly.
the skirt was laying above your hips, revealing your pink underwear, and billie looked stuck in a haze. she sighed. it wasn’t an annoyed sigh or anything, she was in awe. you could see it all over her face—you could see what she was thinking.
one hand was playing with your nipples, tweaking and pinching. the other was just rubbing up and down your thigh. she spread your legs and your head was near the edge of the bed.
billie stopped the movements on your nipples and fully focused on your underwear, pulling them to the side and biting her lip, “you’re fuckin’ dripping f’me.” she breathed out, running her thumb up your pussy and collecting your arousal, “all this for me? hm?” you were flushed, if the room wasn’t already hot she was making it hot.
“billie.” you whined, and she tilted her head, “touch—”
“touch you?” she interrupted, “you want me to touch you? huh? my slut wants me to touch her,” she chuckled bending down your your legs at the side of her hips, she kissed and nipped at your neck, “c’mon, tell me how i should touch you.” she pulled away and grinned as you bit your lip, looking away and gripping her messy sheets.
“if you can’t say anything then how do i know where to touch you? so fuckin’ whiny.” she groaned, gripped your underwear with her whole fist and dragged her middle finger through your folds, slipping it half and inch in and pulled away before you could beg for more.
“billie.” you whined, bucking your hips and looking up at her with the most pitiful expression, pouty lips and eyebrows furrowed.
“billie,” she mimicked your whine, “can’t wait ny’ longer please js’ fuck me already.” she laughed, imitating you. she was so mean. by now you were ruining her bed sheets, your thighs were stained and her dark jeans were a mess, because of you.
she was sitting with her knees bent under your thighs, your legs were laid by her hips and your pussy had a perfect angle to grind on her stomach, you didn’t, she gave you a perfect opportunity to get the pleasure you wanted but you didn’t. you had this burning desire to be good for her. you just wanted to be good for her.
her hand was still gripping you underwear and you were wondering what she was thinking about, “billie?” you called out her name, looking up at her innocently like you weren’t spread out beneath her.
“yeah?
“need you.” you breathed out, and that seemed to wake her up. she got up from the bed and walked towards her dresser, “where are you going?” she didn’t answer. only digging through her dresser, she pulled out a box and took something from it, you just sighed and laid your head back on the bed.
“c’mere.” she said, taking your hips to her hands and dragging you to lay back on her pillows, taking one and putting it under your back, you smiled, for no reason at all, “what?” she asked.
“what, what?
“why are you smiling?” she kissed your neck, it was sweet, how she cared about you.
“nothing.” you shook your head, and looked down to find something poking your entrance, “billie.” you looked back up.
“what?” she smirked.
“it won’t fit.” you gripped the sheets.
“i’ll make it fit.” she said, and dragged the silicone across your pussy, entering her middle finger to get you ready for her. you moaned, it was embarrassing almost. she didn’t even do anything yet, “my pretty girl.” she breathed out, adding another finger and pumping into you slowly—she started to kiss your neck, and mumble filth into your ear.
“ffuck— billie!” you moaned—loudly, right in her ear. you didn’t mean to. really, you didn’t. but she added another digit in you, your brain was already a mess.
she pulled away from your neck, groaning. looking frustrated. but not at you, “you did that on purpose didn’t you” she asked and you looked up at her, before you could reply she dragged your thighs closer to her and pumped her fingers faster.
“billie— can’t—”
“can’t what? hm? slut.”
“m’ gonna cum—” you whined, feeling her fingers brush your g-spot. your swore you heard her mumble something but it was too quiet for you to hear. all you could think of was billie billie billie. it felt so good. your mind was fuzzy and you were seeing stars.
rolling your eyes back you could feel her gaze on you. you didn’t even think, just gripped her wrist and whined, “want me to stop?” she smirked.
“no! no, don’t stop. please please— billie.”
“you can’t cum until i say so angel.” she said, cruel. you whimpered as she took her fingers out of you, taking the silicone cock and angling it to your pussy, you bit your lip, feeling her rub circles on clit and rubbing her cock up and down on your pussy.
“hurry up.” you said.
“bossy.” she mumbled, didn’t even say anything back, just laid your head back on the bed and felt the tip go into you, instead of gripping the sheets you grip her biceps, “oh.” you gasp, and billie slowed down, so you could get used to the feeling to of the strap.
“ready?” she asked, and you nodded, she filled you up and you could feel the ridges of the strap against your walls, it was almost too big, you were scared at first but she took your hand and looked down at you with an almost sweet expression, you knew what she was thinking about though.
“who said it wouldn’t fit?” she said, and you looked up at her with your mouth agape, feeling her rub up and down your thighs while waiting for you to adjust. at least she was waiting. she was better than him.
you imagined your boyfriend walking into her room, seeing billie fucking you with her strap, you imagined his angry face, how you’d whimper moan into her ear, while staring at him. you wanted him to see.
billie was moving her hips and you gripped her biceps, it hurt, almost. you felt bad for her neighbors. but that was the least of your worries.
“wish you could see yourself.” billie mumbled, and pulled out, before you could even protest she turned you around, taking your hips and lifting them up.
oh, you felt filthy. she was angling the strap to your entrance and you laid your head on the pillow, turning so you could see her. you hated that you couldn’t see her.
“billie—” before you could even whine you felt her thrust into you harshly, “oh— fuck.” you moan.
“yeah? what do you wanna say angel? can’t say—” she gripped your hips and slammed into you roughly, “can’t say a thing, hm baby?” mean. she was so mean.
“wanna’ see you.” you whine, digging your head into the pillow, billie started to kiss up your back, you didn’t even have to see her you could feel the smirk on her face. every time she drives into you, your juices squelch, drenching both of you in a mix of sweat and slick.
“wanna’ see you.” she mocked, looking down, seeing a white substance cover the end of her strap, “fuck—” billie hissed, your moans and whimpers were driving her insane. your walls cling to her, squeezing her tighter with every thrust. her pace became erratic, desperate, hips snapping harder and faster.
“so fuckin’ tight,” she sighed, letting go of your hips and gripped the pillow under your stomach, “nd’ perfect.” she plowing into you and you were so close. you could feel it, brewing in your lower stomach, you didn’t want to tell billie, scared if you did she’d take it all away and make you beg to come.
“billie— can’t hold it.” you whine, feeling her hand grip your hips so tight you knew it would bruise the next morning.
“just a little more sweetheart.” she said, and you wanted to listen, you wanted to be a good girl, for her. but you couldn’t. clenching around her and gripping the pillow in a vice grip, s hard you were scared it was going to rip. you didn’t want to ruin her pillow so you let go. holding the sheets softly.
billie saw your hesitation and sighed, “you can hold the pillow angel, i won’t be—” she licked her lips, “won’t be mad.” she reassured, and you put your hands back on the pillow.
“can i come?” you were so cute. whimpering and moaning under her. she almost said yes. wanted to say yes, but she wanted to show you how much better she was making you come, than your asshole boyfriend with a micro dick and massive ego.
“no.” she replied, and you whined.
“why not.” you had to hold back a moan, just to speak.
“cause’.”
you waited, bit your lip and closed your eyes and hoped she would finally allow you to come.
“billie.” your hands clutch onto the pillow desperately trying to hold it in. it hasn’t even been a minute yet.
“you can hold it a little more, can’t you angel?” you could’ve came right there. could’ve. it was a choice, she gave you a choice. you could come, or you could wait, just a little longer.
you held it in, feeling the strap hit deeper and deeper each thrust, it hit your g-spot every time. she already knew your body like that back of her hand and he didn’t even know what a clit was.
“how would henry think about this?” billie said, hinting to what your boyfriend would think if he saw you, “seeing you like this— hm?” you hated how she made you think of him while she was literally pounding into you.
“billie.” you warn—try to, at least. but the moan right after made it really hard to be intimidating, plus the fact that you couldn’t be intimidating to save your life. having billie trail after you where ever you go was enough scary-dog privilege. she did the intimidating, you were always smiling.
“yeah? have somethin’ to say?’ she mocked. you wanted to be mad at her, you wanted to turn around and teach her a lesson—you wanted. you never did a thing.
by this point the knot in your lower belly was hard to ignore, every time you moaned, or whined and whimpered you felt it throbbing. you squeezed around the silicone tightly feeling billie struggle to keep up the same fast pace. and you finally felt like you were winning, she was getting tired.
“can i come?” you whimpered, again, praying for her to say yes.
“you can come now angel.” billie bit her lip, holding your hips and you finally let go.
“i’m cumming!” you whimpered in between moans, screams filling her room as it finally hit you, your ears ringing and vision faltering as she helped you ride it out.
you whined when she pulled the strap out of you, leaving you empty and needy. “fuck, would you look at that.” there was a pleased smirk on her face as she looked at the soaked, creamy white strap.
“how’d that feel?” she asked, like she didn’t just give you the longest and best orgasm of your life, he’s never made you come before so you don’t even have anything to compare her to.
“s’ good.” you mumble drowsily, collapsing on your stomach to the pillow she placed there when she let go of her hold on your hips.
“so fucked out.” she smiled, and your head was turned to her bedside table, seeing some blood? red paint? something—stained on it, you ignore it, it was probably because of how old the thing was.
you heard her mumble something like, “fuck, i need to clean that” when seeing where your head was directioned, she was talking about the strap, right?
#billie eilish x you#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish smut#billie eilish#billie eilish imagine#billie eilish one shot
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In Defense of Epic Manwhore au
Okay, so I’m kinda nervous to post this but I feel like it should be said. I hope I tagged correctly for the topics I discuss in this. So, in defense of the Manwhore au as for the concept being coerced, it’s not like the god(s) said ‘you’ll die if you don’t have sex with me’. Odysseus is the one who brings it up. Although yes, the line of consent there is a bit murky with Odysseus more doing so to get out of situations rather than because he wants to. It’s totally valid for some fans to not be a fan of the au, not everything in fan spaces is for everyone. You are entitled to your opinion and get to make your fandom experience safe for you. There is something I saw though that felt like commentary about those who came up with/ enjoy the au. To me this felt close to attempted fandom censoring or those who try to ‘cleanse’ all fandom content to what they think is morally correct. Again, it is fine if you want to share your thoughts on something. But I hope no one comes after those who do enjoy the au. I haven’t seen that happen yet, I’m hoping it doesn’t. But the generalization about what it says about those who enjoy the au doesn’t sit right with me. For reasons like I mentioned above, about worrying it could turn into attempted censoring. Especially if anyone tries to get others to agree to black-and-white thinking about what they think is true. That could easily turn into justification to harassment, which I have seen in fandom spaces before. Particularly with anti-proshippers.
There may be valid criticisms to this au concept, but that doesn’t mean everyone who is a fan likes it for the same reasons. Let me address some of what I’ve seen though. The joking about Odysseus being a Manwhore coming from homophobia. Yeah, that’s possible (although personally I feel like a homophobe is more likely to not even mention gay things.) I don’t think that’s always the case though. I know there was one animatic I saw, the first thing I saw for the au, that had a joke in it that I didn’t like. I don’t judge this creator, and in fact it’s a common joke I’ve seen. Particularly with people wishing they didn’t see something. It just doesn’t vibe with me. In no way do I think that those who say such jokes have something wrong with them. People have different senses of humor and I think some use such jokes as a way to cope.
Anyways, I think some of the humor more comes from how unexpected it would be. I mean, we have a war captain facing foes who instead of choosing to fight goes for seducing them. It’s certainly interesting. I know some of the jokes come from the others not involved in the coupling being just shocked or grossed out. I think that more comes from like not wanting to see someone else talk about or get busy with another? I mean, some of these men probably consider each other to be like brothers. I imagine that would be weird. I think homosexuality wasn’t taboo in ancient Greece, I’m not entirely sure though I may need to do more research on that. So there could be some homophobia to the jokes, but I don’t think that’s the case for everyone. It certainly wasn’t for me. It could also be lgbt+ fans wanting to see more gay stuff in the story. Gay shipping isn’t uncommon after all.
I don’t think everyone who talks about the Manwhore au has no problem joking about sa. There can be many reasons why someone may enjoy a concept in media. You don’t know. Like how women are criticized for rape fantasies. I watched a documentary about sex once (I can’t remember which one this was in now) and there was a whole segment about the rape fantasy, discussing why this is an appeal to some women. It did not mean these women want to be raped of course. Part of it could come from a culture of feeling pressure to not experience any sexual feelings, so the scenario allowed them to experience something without feeling guilty about it. There isn’t always a clear explanation for why someone can find something sexy.
I think this started as a joke, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some who wanted something sexy in their Epic fan experience. I mean, having read the Odyssey in school (twice actually) I did not expect I would want to see Odysseus in such a scenario. But then I saw one sexy fanart of him with others and cough I ended up liking it more than I expected. Those who have seen my reblogs on this tag know heh.
There’s also the infidelity notion. I feel like given the situation, Penelope would understand. I also saw some comments that they could be poly, which is a concept I like for this. I’ve also seen mention that human relationships with gods have ended up tragically for the humans involved. I don’t think everyone who listens to Epic knows about that. I didn’t. But again, this goes back to it being fantasy. People enjoying picturing it the way they want to. It doesn’t have to be accurate to the myths. It’s fanfiction/au.
I think the infidelity notion to it didn’t bother me as much as others because in the original, he wasn’t faithful. Sorry for Odyssey spoilers I guess. Anyways, I was already used to him being a cheater. Although the one with Circe may match more with the coercion along the lines of ‘sleep with me for your crew’. The knife that’s been shown in some animatics wasn’t in the original. It’s been a while since I’ve read it so I’m not entirely sure about how that went down.
Referring back to if Odysseus wants it even if he was the one who offered (sorry if I’m all over the place with this, I have a lot of thoughts.) Seducing foes doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t want it. There’s a character in a Sanders Sides roleplay I was in named Remy (Sleep), whose rp version was created/and played by the wonderful @queroze , who was proclaimed by them to be a manslut. His go-to to get out of situations, if he saw it was a fit strategy, was to seduce. Sure, he got into situations that weren’t great, but often he was the active one in the seducing. I wouldn’t say his go-to being to seduce meant it wasn’t always consensual. In fact, there’s many descriptions and some statements from Que themselves saying Remy loved bringing pleasure to his partners.
Then there’s the mention of the unlikeliness of the scenario actually happening. I don’t think this matters that much to be honest. It’s fandom enjoyment. Who cares if people want to enjoy something that doesn’t seem likely in canon? I personally couldn’t see seduction working, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t find the concept entertaining. Sure people shouldn’t insist it could occur to the creators. But aside from that, it doesn’t affect you. Enjoying fan spaces is way more fun if we let things stay peaceful.
I kinda want to write a fanfic now that adjusts to some of the critiques I’ve seen of this au. I know I said I probably wouldn’t, but I got inspired while planning this heh.
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I’ve been trying to keep this blog about appreciating OG Loki instead of any negativity, but goodness is the series the bane of my existence. Imagine looking up your favorite character, and having to scroll past every result that comes up.
Imagine the only part of the fandom/community you can enjoy being a small side of Tumblr away from the main tags.
You cannot relate to anyone on Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, etc..
A subdivision on Tumblr of a fandom is all you have!
Finding decent Loki merch is hard enough as it is, but now you need to look out for hourglasses, and the colors orange and brown.
This is all because of the series. This is why us anti series blogs/OG Loki fans are so “cruel” and “evil.” This is why it’s so serious to us. It’s weird to feel alienated where you should feel like you belong.
Many of us lost the fandom that we once knew and loved. It’s not just about the series or how Loki is miswritten, its about us losing the connection we once easily had with others. You shouldn’t have to constantly explain yourself to others who are supposed to be in the same fandom as you.
I share a fandom with people who don’t understand the source that spawned the fandom in the first place. I share a fandom with people who’s only knowledge (of the character we’re all supposed to know and love) is ship fanart, fanfiction, fan theories, and headcanons. I share a fandom with people who take lighthearted Tumblr posts from years ago that jokingly state that Loki is around 16/17 years old seriously and as canon. I share a fandom with people who refuse to think critically.
It’s not just a fictional character or movies. It’s something we are passionate about, and it’s hard to share those passions with others who do not understand a fraction of any of it.
I’m very grateful for this side of Tumblr and I hope that one day we could have our fandom back. You shouldn’t have to make an entire subdivision of a fandom in order to see things about the characters ORIGINAL and DEFINITIVE appearances.
Fuck the series as well as anyone who groups OG Loki with the variant. Makes things a thousand times harder. I can’t even watch edits because you’ll think it’s an edit of TDW Loki… but then here comes clips of that variant. 🤦🏻♀️
Girl if I have to see that clip of the variant bent over a table one more time… I think i’m gonna lose it.
Certain sides of Pinterest, old Tumblr posts/blogs that have been inactive since 2014, and Google’s/YouTube’s “Before:Year” feature my beloveds. Blogs on dedicated to OG Loki my beloveds. Thor 2011, The Avengers, and Thor The Dark World my beloveds. My oomfs/mutuals my beloveds.
#loki#anti loki series#anti loki show#loki series criticism#og loki supremacy#og loki#loki odinson#loki laufeyson#loki mcu#mcu loki#anti michael waldron#anti taika waititi#anti eric martin#anti sylvie#anti sylki#anti mobius#anti lokius
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SOMETHING BOUT’ US
Summary: "I want you more than anything in my life." After being in a difficult relationship with Carmelo Yasmine decided to move on from him and become the next big thing while getting drafted on the smackdown roster she always thought she would never find love again due to her commitment issues until she met him.
This fanfic is 18+! NO MINORS ALLOWED
word count: 4150
smut warning; it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I’m improving at the moment.
Jey Uso x Yasmine
AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.
comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍
ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.
I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios
But I’ll be writing along the way since this story is in my drafts on Wattpad right now so yuh. 💁🏽♀️
TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️@pinkwithhearts @420days @jstarr86 @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign
@bebesobrielo @skyesthebomb @aikosilo @papireigns-05 @punksyeet @paigereeder @magnificentbouquetmusic
@hunnidmilly @celesteheartsjey @charmed-dreamssss @fearlesschimera @partypoison00 @mselenalovebug @bloodlinesbabe93 @lov3rla03 @simpin4pixels
3.
OMNISCIENT For some weeks now, Yasmine has been receiving calls and texts from Carmelo under strange numbers, and she has simply blocked him each time. Especially when Trick attempted to contact and text her, she would disregard all of his messages because she no longer trusted him. He believed Carmelo over her, of all people.
Yasmine was at the gym working out, trying to forget what had happened to her; she hadn't spoken about it since Montez and Jonathan arrived to pick her up after she moved out.
She didn't even want to think about it; it would just cause her anxiety to creep up on her and make her feel even more worthless than she already is.
Yasmine would be drowning in her thoughts late at night, wondering if she'd ever find a good man that she could trust, but was that even possible?
She wore headphones and listened to music while she did her bicep roll reps with the dumbbells before she went to the arena today to sign the contract on Smackdown.
Meanwhile, she felt her phone buzzing inside her training shorts as she paused to place the dumbbells on the bench and took her phone out of her pocket.
She noticed Montez had texted her, probably to check up on her.
Big Bro Tez💪🏽 sent 2+ messages IMESSAGE 💬 Big Bro Tez💪🏽: hey sis I was just checking in on you to see how you were doing. Big Bro Tez💪🏽: text me back whenever you can I'll see you at work I love you sis ♥️
It always made her happy knowing that her big brother cares about her and her well-being will always be there for her.
IMESSAGE 💬 Minnie🧃: I'm fine Montez Big Bro Tez💪🏽: are you sure? you don't have to come in to work today Minnie🧃: I have too so I can sign the contract then I'll probably just stay and watch your match out back Big Bro Tez💪🏽: A'ight little sis if you say so I won't pressure you Minnie🧃: thank you now lemme' get back to my workout since you rudely interrupted me 😭🙄 Big Bro Tez💪🏽: whatever nigga
Yasmine chuckled at his message before getting back to her workout and moving her headphones back in place.
biancabelairwwe, jonathanfatu, tiffanywwe, and others liked your post.
minnieminks: back at it again 🖤💭 biancabelairwwe: them abs tho better than mines girl im jealous asf 🙄🙄😭 minnieminks: @ biancabelairwwe girl your abs are more sharper than mines please 😭 jonathanfatu: why do you always gotta stick yo' ass out like do a different pose or sum minnieminks: @ jonathanfatu I smell a hater in the room rn 😀 tiffanywwe: we need to workout together honestly. carmelohayes: why aren't you answering my calls?
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Yasmine took a shower before heading to the arena for Smackdown tonight. She was only there to support her big brother and Angelo, of course.
She was curious when she'd make her debut on Smackdown, which is probably soon. For right now, it'll just probably be segments of her getting interviewed by Byron Saxton about her upcoming debut.
She got out of the shower, wrapped her body in a towel, and dried her hair, making sure that every part of it was dry.
Sitting down inside the shower with her legs crossed, she scrolled through her Instagram, noticing that Carmelo had commented on her post that she made.
Her face turned up at his comment, questioning her about not answering his phone calls.
'This nigga won't understand the elephant in the room will he?'
After drying her body off, she lavender herself with some lotion and put on a comfortable outfit for tonight's smackdown. She walked out of the bathroom, grabbing her keys and purse while making sure she had everything before heading to her car.
As she headed out towards her car, she saw someone walking up to her. She couldn't recognize the face until he came a little bit closer, and that's when she knew that it was him. So Yasmine immediately went inside her car, locking the door in the process while he came banging on her window.
"Baby! Open the door." Carmelo said.
Yasmine shook her head as she turned the button on in the ignition, as he tried to open the door by the handle but not realizing that it was locked.
"C'mon, baby, don't be this way. I only did what I did so you can act right." Yasmine scoffed at his reasoning as she gave him the middle finger, pulling out from the parking lot and driving off in the process.
✧˚° Yasmine made it to the arena, parking in the garage. As she grabbed her purse while getting out of the car again, she realized she was only here to sign the contract and support her brother. Nothing more would happen, right?
She walked inside the building, seeing all the fans coming in to get their tickets or buy wrestlers' merchandise. That's when she ran into a fan who recognized her and started squealing.
"OH, MY GOODNESS, ARE YOU YASMINE THEE YASMINE FROM NXT?" The fan asked while Yasmine smiled at them.
"Yes of course hon what can I do for you?" She asked.
"May I please get an autograph and a picture?" Yasmine nodded her head while grabbing the marker from them, signing their T-shirt with her signature. The fan pulled out their phone, setting it up on camera mode for them to take a picture with her.
They did a pose as they snapped the picture together while hugging Yasmine she gladly responded to the hug.
"Omg thank you sooo much!" The fan said.
"No problem hon." Yasmine gave them one last hug before continuing her way towards Paul's office.
It felt nice to her to know that she had some fans who liked her and enjoyed her wrestling. She felt her phone buzz, making her stop in her tracks. Pulling it out, she saw that Bianca texted her.
Breezy🫶🏽 sent 2+ messages IMESSAGE 💬 Breezy🫶🏽: Montez told me you would be here tonight wya? Breezy🫶🏽: Actually, I see your location. I'm coming towards you; you should see me waving my hand.
Yasmine looked around, seeing someone waving their hand back and forth. She stood on her tippy toes, seeing Bianca waving her hand, and smiling, ran up towards her.
They both hugged each other while everyone was around them as they pulled away from each other.
"Oh, my goodness girl you look good." Bianca said.
"Thank you, girl you look good as well too." She spoke.
"C'mon, let's go to your brother's locker." We started strolling towards Montez's dressing room. It was nice to be around Bianca and them again; maybe she won't run into Carmelo's ass. But she doesn't get her hopes up very much, so there's no guarantee that he'll come seeking for her merely to make her feel useless.
We eventually arrived to his locker room, where she spotted Trinity, Jonathan, and an unfamiliar figure. They all gazed at her, then Trinity and Jon approached her and hugged me.
"Oh, my goodness, girl, I'm so happy that you're away from that nigga man." Trinity spoke. "Well, as long as Montez and Jon are with me, I'll be alright, since he's definitely here today. Just like everyone else that was drafted. Have you seen Tiffany? Yasmine replied.
"Yeah, she was in here a couple of minutes ago." She stated this while nodding her head. Yasmine sat next to Trinity, watching Montez's tag team match against the New Day. She absolutely loved seeing my brother beat up his opponents, which is why she wanted to be in this profession.
But now she regrets it simply because she is dealing with Carmelo's ass, but someone grabbed her eye: a man spreading on his phone while wearing a Yeet shirt, black sweatpants, and a fresh haircut with piercings.
'Damn he looked so fine would it be rude to be admiring him like this?'
She felt Bianca prodding me, drawing my attention as she glanced at her with a sneer on her face. "Girl, who were you looking at?"
"I-I wasn't looking at nobody B not too much, okay?" Yasmine said, rolling her eyes at her.
She chuckled at me as she fixed her focus on the TV screen, watching her fiancé whoop some asses. Meanwhile, Yasmine got up from the couch and informed them that she was going to the restroom right now. As she walked towards the restroom, she heard a familiar voice talking to someone about something. She looked up to saw the person who damaged her, Carmelo, who appeared to be on the phone with someone.
Yasmine sighed deeply as she walked by him on her way to the facilities, until she felt him grip her arm, almost causing her to stumble. "Hey pretty girl, I didn't know you were here." Carmelo said.
She rolled her eyes at him and yanked herself away from him, "Look, don't you ever touch me or even come near me after what you did to me." He chuckled darkly at her while approaching up to her, causing her to back up.
"I recall you calling me daddy the last time I fucked this wonderful pussy of mine, dear." "That's because you made me call you that nigga I didn't want to call you that." She remarked as she pushed him hard.
He didn't like that and grabbed her by the throat, pressing her to the wall like he had done previously, making her feel terrified and uncomfortable. That was something he like seeing from her, all afraid beneath him.
"Do you see how you submit to me?" It should be this way all of the time". Yasmine fought to free herself, but he tightened his grasp on her throat. She felt like she couldn't breathe while fighting him off and screamed at the top of her lungs. All she wanted to do was use the restroom and not run into his ass.
She used all of her might to hit him in the face, causing him to tumble as Yasmine escaped.
Yasmine fled as fast as she could without turning back, tears welling up in her eyes as she heard Carmelo cry her name. She spotted the same foreign face standing at the door with his legs crossed, looking at his phone and running up to him.
✧˚° JEY
I was standing by the door on my phone, looking for Montez's sister Yasmine. As I was doing so, I heard what sounded like someone rushing. When I looked up, I saw a female sprinting towards me, clearly in danger. She approached behind me, and I noticed Carmelo approaching this direction as if he was hunting for her, and when she grabbed me aggressively, it attracted my attention.
Almost appeared afraid in a way? Her eyes begged for assistance from me, so I did what any guy would do and defended her.
As he approached, he noticed me with her and attempted to walk up on us, grabbing her arm as I pushed him. "Aye, you might wanna back up dawg." I stated this while clutching the female behind me.
"Man you might wanna back up and give her ass to me nigga ion know who you think yo' ass is c'mon Yasmine." He stated that's when I turned around to view her face, and she looked so damn good.
I felt her grip my hand strongly as I interlaced mine with hers, and he took note, attempting to separate us so he could grab her up. But I managed to deliver a left hook, causing him to fall backward while clutching his bloodied lip.
"You know what? Don't worry about it, Yasmine. I got something for you later." When he went away, she sank to her knees, hands in her face, weeping, and the door opened to reveal Trinity.
"Josh, what happened?" She asked.
"She came up running towards me away from the ol' boy. He just left." I said.
"Shit, well, my match is coming up. Can you take care of her, please?" As Trinity departed to get dressed, I nodded yes and kneeled down to play with Yasmine's curly hair. She looked up at me with puffy eyes, which made me sad. What was her history with Ol' Boy? I extended my hand, expecting her to grasp it, as we walked her inside the room and closed the door behind us.
Nobody else was in there except us, and she sat down with her head low while I poured her something to drink in a cup and walked up to her.
I patted her on the shoulder, prompting her to flinch: "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you, Shawty." I offered her the cup while sitting on the same couch she was on. I saw she was still shivering a little, so I slid over to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, bringing her closer to me. She hesitated at first but then lay her head on my chest.
I looked down at her, watching her drink her water from the cup I had given her. I felt her body relax with my touch, and her eyes locked on mine as we both established eye contact.
'Fuck, she's so pretty.'
'Damn, he looks good in person.'
She looked away from me as I chuckled at her facial expressions, knowing that I made her nervous, which made me boldly grab her face to make her look at me again just so I could see that gorgeous face.
"Not goin lie you look gorgeous as hell." I said bluntly.
"T-thank you...I never got your name..." she said softly.
"My name is Joshua. I'm Jonathan's brother, but people call me Jey or Josh for short. Whatever you want, mama." Her facial expression seemed a bit perplexed, not having heard something like that before.
'Did he just call me mama? Hmm, I like it very much better than what the fuck Melo used to call me. It's something different.'
We heard the door opening as we moved away from each other, acting like nothing had happened as we saw Montez coming towards us.
"You good little sis? I heard what happened." Montez asked as she nodded her head.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Josh was there in a nick of time before anything else could happen, " she said.
Montez walked towards my way as he dapped me up, thanking me for protecting his sister from her ex-boyfriend. That dude is her ex-boyfriend? No wonder I gotta find out more about that.
I saw Bianca coming into the room as I walked towards her way, pulling her to the side real quick.
"What's up, Joshua?" Bianca questioned me.
"I know it ain't my business or nothing, but I wanna know more about yo' bestie right there. What's her history with Ol' boy?" I said, folding my arms over my chest.
"Look, when the time is right, she'll tell you because it's not my business to tell, but all I can say is that he's dangerous and did something horrible to her." I nodded my head, not wanting to press on the conversation about it, fixing my gaze at her, who was still talking to her brother while her gaze fixed towards my way, smiling at me before looking at Montez.
'She has such a pretty smile, damn just made my heart flutter a little bit.'
'Imma' get to know her more, and when the time is right, she'll be with me.'
After having my match for the main event for tonight I went towards bathroom to take a shower before I could I see Yasmine standing there look like she waiting on someone.
I walked towards her way shirtless as she looked towards my way eye fucking me, which made me have a smug expression on my face.
"Do I look good, mama, or what?" I asked in a deep tone.
She rolled her eyes at me, folding her arms at me, "Yeah, whatever, boy, what'chu doing anyways?" She's so sassy I like that shit; leaning against the wall.
"I was finna head in the shower before going home; how about you? What'chu doing here standing fo'?"
"I was waiting on Montez and Bianca to take us home, but they are taking forever." She pouted. Damn, she's adorable at that, listening to her vent.
"Lemme' take a shower real quick, and I'll take you home. I'll make sure Montez knows before he goes ballistic." Yasmine nodded her head while going inside Montez's locker room, shutting the door while I walked towards the bathroom to take a shower before I took this little girl home.
I don't know why, but she makes my heart flutter and racing like crazy it's like I'm almost in love with her or something, but it seems like she has a scarred heart.
✧˚°
I texted Montez that I'd be taking his younger sister home because she appeared exhausted. I was correct: she fell asleep on the way to her cot. I continued stealing looks at her, watching her slumber like a small child. I drove with one hand on her thigh, stroking my palm across my beard and concentrated on the road as well as Yasmine.
I couldn't help but be mesmerized by her beauty; it was almost as if I was entranced without even realizing it. I eventually pulled up to Montez and Bianca's crib, turning into the driveway without noticing their car. I shook Yasmine lightly, not wishing to startle her.
Her eyes flutter open, wiping the crust from her eyes, looking around the area and noticing that she was home.
"Hey, pretty mama, you're home." I said as she smiled at me.
"Thank you, Josh, for taking me home when you didn't have to." She said.
"Well, I didn't want you to wait on your big-headed ass brother, so I offered." She chuckled at my comment about her brother as she unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car while I did the same, grabbing her bags in the backseat.
We walked up to the door, and she opened it with the key she had on her keychain, opening it while holding it for me. We walked inside the home together, locking the door behind us as I placed her luggage on the wooden floor. I could tell she was fatigued based on her energy and movement. "you sleepy?" She glanced at me, nodded, and rubbed her eyes. I, being the gentlemen that I am, grabbed her by the thighs and carried her upstairs to her bedroom.
I carried her like this, which surprised her because she hadn't been carried like this by a MAN before.
I made it to her bedroom and opened the door before laying her down, but for some reason, she didn't withdraw her arms from around my neck, leading us to remain close. Noticing her movements, she withdrew her arms away from my neck and walked away from me. I scratched the back of my head, observing her every step.
I saw her taking some clothing from her drawer and thought that was my cue to go home because I had already done my part, right?
Before I could head out, I heard her say something, but she was stumbling on her words, "C-could you stay just for a little bit? I don't like being by myself." I didn't think it was a good idea since Montez and em' were on the way home, and he'd kill me if he saw me staying the night with his little sister.
"Mama ion think that's a good idea I don't want yo' brother to kill me." I said, hearing her sigh deeply.
"It's fine...I understand...but thanks again, though I appreciate it.." she said softly.
I could tell that she wanted me to stay, so I texted Montez to see.
IMESSAGE 💬 HomieJosh💪🏽: Yo' Montez Fatheadtez😭: what's up? is my sister home? HomieJosh💪🏽: yeah, I made it to yall crib but she just asked me to stay I told her that wouldn't be a good idea I didn't want yo' ass to kill me 😭😭 Fatheadtez😭: look I trust you around my little sister she's been through a lot and she's very anxious maybe you're someone she can go to whenever she's having a panic attack when I'm not there or when the girls aren't or Jon. HomieJosh💪🏽: you sure? Fatheadtez😭: yes dawg I'm sure maybe that's what she needs someone to be there for her and comfort her she really does need that the most after what happened to her. HomieJosh💪🏽: wym? what happened? 🤨 Fatheadtez😭: look don't tell her that I told you this but that dude that was chasing after her that was her ex-boyfriend Carmelo he's from the NXT roster but got drafted on the blue brand with us but that's not the point...the point is...he did something bad to her in her locker room it's...sensitive dawg something that I can't get into but whenever she's ready she'll tell you. HomieJosh💪🏽: A'ight then dawg I'll take yo' word for it. Fatheadtez😭: A'ight I'll pop in to check in just to make sure HomieJosh💪🏽: A'ight 😭😭
After messaging Montez, I noticed Yasmine exiting the shower with a towel wrapped around her body, grabbing her bottle of lotion and deodorant from the dresser. I was observing her lavendering her body with her scented lotion, which smelled lovely, as she returned it to the dresser. That's when she untied her towel and let it drop to the ground as I turned around, not wanting to be a pervert or anything.
"you can turn around now." Yasmine said.
When I turned back, I saw her in booty shorts and a long T-shirt that caressed her body as she strolled towards her bed to get comfy. She left some space for me in case I stayed, which I did, as I removed my shirt and sweatpants and joined her in bed. She had her back to me, nestled up in her pillow, curled up like a ball as I wrapped my arm around her waist, bringing her closer to me.
She felt comfortable underneath me, nuzzling my neck on her shoulder and moving her head toward me, our faces close together.
"Did my brother say you could?" She asked.
"Yeah, I was texting him about it while you were in the shower Ma." I said as I gazed down at her lips while she did the same with me.
"O-oh okay..." her voice trailed off while turning her head.
Which without hesitation I turned grabbed her by the chin making her look at me once more I didn't want to scare her with my bold actions brushing my thumb against her lips.
"Why do you do that? Hm?"
"D-do what?" Yasmine asked nervously.
"You always look away from me. Do I make you nervous?" She maintained eye contact with me, nodding her head in the process, earning me a chuckle.
I caressed her face, pulled her head closer to my chest, and felt her hand on there as well. She was tracing my Samoan tattoos.
"Did these hurt like all of em'?" She asked while I nodded my head.
"Yeah, it hurt like hell, but I took it like a G, you feel me?" I said, hearing her soft chuckle.
"Probably cried." I sat upright, feeling offended by her statement.
"Excuse me, little girl?"
She laughed at me, covering her lips as I picked her up, placed her on my lap, and held her in place. That's when she stopped all the awful laughing. It's the small things I do that make her feel frightened and silent, like maintaining eye contact while her hands are on my chest and mine are on her hips.
"W-we should go to sleep before Montez walks in on us like this." She said.
"You scared of him or something?" She punched me on the chest, rolling her eyes because she wanted to be playful, and shit I gave her ass a tiny smack, causing her to yelp. She whacked me upside the head as I winced in agony, laughing at me. A'ight bet I sat up straight, seizing her legs and holding her down on the bed while going between them.
And fuck, she just looked so good underneath me like this seeing all of her natural features. "You know, you look beautiful mama?" She did what she always did but took the compliment instead of giving me an attitude.
"T-thank you." I let her go as she cuddled up on my chest, my hand in the back of my head, and the other holding onto her.
I watched her drift to sleep, hearing my heartbeat going up and down as I rubbed her back gently, making her feel at ease with my touch.
I yawned a few times before closing my eyes and drifting to sleep as well. Hopefully, in the morning, she'll feel better.
SomeThing Bout' Us.
A/n: welll Yasmine and Jey are getting a little touchy feely right now lol but I think Yasmine is honestly really scared due to her commitment issues because of Carmelo and her past relationships.
But she feels safe around Jey and being in his arms and presence will probably change her mind we'll see.
Hope yall enjoy this chapter lmk in the comments below.
Stay Ucey.
#jey uso#black writers#black fanfic writer#black oc#jey x oc black#wwelove#black reader#jey uso fanfiction#wwe fanfiction#jey uso smut
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Things I would like to see written more, or would write about if I could write featuring Disco Elysium:
- Harrier Du bois is a Innocence ! It would start out very subtly, with Kim catching Harry just seemingly not breathing, of course his first concussion would be that Harry’s heart must’ve just stopped, que panicked moments where Kim shakes Harry awake or semi freaks out whenever he sees Harry napping at work or just sleeping in general, because Harry is just not breathing. (Because it’s stated in game that apparently Innocence’s are said to not even breathe, they just eternal like that.) or maybe Harry just makes one too many predictions that are scarily accurate which really fucks with Kim as he entertains the idea of Harry being an Innocence, like he doesn’t believe it, but it’s a entertaining thought to ponder until Harry’s lungs suddenly glow out of nowhere, maybe Harry doesn’t notice himself or Kim convinced himself it was a trick of the light… just alot of second guesses and whatnot!
- Harry dating (and it’s not Kim) Harry, after finding out about his sexuality and finally coming to terms to it — decides it’s time to head back into the dating scene! Maybe Harry just ASSUMES Kim is taken already because I mean… it’s Kim! Kim is so cool! Of course he has a partner! (He doesn’t.) and Kim is just like wow my lungs are burning with hurt right now. Kim painstakingly supporting Harry but also dying inside hearing about all of Harry’s dates and partner(s). I just want jealous Kim honestly. Or even possessive Kim teehee… like Kim overhearing Harry has a date tonight and before Harry himself can tell him Kim abruptly asks if Harry wants to hang out tonight, wanting Harry to choose him over his date, even sweetening the deal by saying he has alot of plans of *insert literally all of Harry’s favourite activities and also maybe Kim confessing or being willing to let Harry do XYZ for once* Harry of course just blurts out ‘YEAH ILL HANG OHT WITH YOU!!’ Without thinking and is like oh shit I have a date tonight. Oh god. Do I blow my date off or Kim?? Kim realllyy smug when Harry chooses him all while acting innocent. Even “scolding” Harry when Harry admits he choose Kim over his date. Just small moments where Kim feels guilty for sabotaging his dates but also just can’t help it, he keeps purposefully somehow ruining the relationship. Of course he feels really guilty but Harry will forgive him because it led to them finally dating. Maybe Kim takes it too far or EVEM GETS CAUGHT ACTIVELY TRYING TO RUIN HARRY’S DATES and for the smallest second Harry sees Kim as some sort of jerk (sorta rightfully so!) and gets mad at Kim until later he thinks about WHY Kim was doing that.
- Body swap au ! I know there’s already some of body swaps out there, but I want more! Like the idea of Kim hearing Harry’s skills and being like ‘This is what Harry is forced to hear all the time? It’s so noisy…’ and then Harry being like ‘wow it’s so… quiet… I don’t like it! I miss my friends!’ BUT ALSO!!! BUT ALSO!!! People always do Harry and Kim! I want to see some more variety! Hell even just adding Jean to the mix sounds so fun! Jean waking up at Harry and just being absolutely mortified. I think it would be funny if the skills know right away that the person in Harry’s body right now isn’t Harry, and are deathly quiet during those first few minutes when Jean first wakes up Harry’s body, until… let’s say perspective or reaction speed helps Jean stop a mug from falling and Jean goes very still at the sound of their voices. Harry in jeans body… or maybe KIM in Jean’s?! Oh Kim would be absolutely checking himself out in the mirror (and delighted at how he can SEE!!! WITHOUT GLASSES!) before catching himself and scolding himself to be more respectful. And I think we all know how Harry would be in Kim’s body…
- Furry Elysium ! Look… here me out. we all agreed that Harry and Kim have a very dog + cat dynamic — or at the very least it’s fun to draw them as animals! But alas… I have seen almost ZERO fanfics about them as actual animals/animal-like features! I want to explore a world like disco elysium filled with animal hydrids! … do you think Jean would be a horse? Or a bird like his name suggests? Would Harry actually be a dog or would he be something else? I feel like Kim being a cat or cat-like is perfect BUT if you think of another animal Kim would fit lmk!
- THEM AS KIDS !!! BUT, BUT… I want them to turn into kids! How? Idk! The pale did it maybe?! It doesn’t have to make logical sense. Maybe they remember their adults self maybe they don’t. I just want someone to hold Harry when he’s a toddler… he deserves some soft parental love… or Jean waking up as a teenager and being absolutely pissed because of it… MAYBE they all are different ages, Harry a toddler, Kim a little boy, Jean a teenager. Or just the classic one-person-magically-turns-into-a-toddler-and-then-the-remaining-adults-have-to-come-together-to-take-care-of-said-toddler.
- Kid fic OR parent fic I know I just mention kids but this time I want one of them to HAVE a kid. Of course Kim would likely be excluded from this biological wise but adoption works too! I just like the idea of of Harry being a father or Jean awkwardly holding a youngster or Kim looking around to see if he’s alone before cooing at a cute little kid. Harry would have a blast dressing the baby up. Also imagine just Harry walking into work with a baby strapped to him on day and Jean just spits out his coffee like WHAT is HARRY doing with a baby?? And Harry is just like ‘this is my baby! And you’re the godfather… kinda rude of you to not know!’ I read some kid fics and they were so, SO sweet.
- MAGICALLY TURNING INTO AN ANIMAL ! Yes. We are pulling out ALL the classics. It doesn’t have to be a cat but I WILL be using a kitty here. I’m so sorry this one is the longest. I wanted a fic like this for so long so please allow me to ramble my ass off:
They can’t change back… or maybe when they do change back to being a human it’s not their choice! Think of ‘A Whisker Away’ type of situation. Kim waking up as a kitty absolutely terrified and thinking the one person who would be able to tell it’s him would likely be Harry, right?! Like he gets premonition and predictions and insights all the time! Surely Harry will immediately know it’s Kim! …. Harry does not know or find out actually. Harry just immediately scooping Kitty-Kim once he ‘gains it’s trust’ (but really it’s just Kim stuck between indecisiveness of just running back home or not and trying to figure this out on his own because he already trusts Harry!) and Kim allowing himself for ONCE in his life to be held and loved and pampered and cooed at without shame. BUT I also love the idea of this happening to the others too, like Harry immediately using this to get to know what Kim is like behind closed doors, feeling guilty but also just can’t help but still go and try to get adopted by Kim (newsflash, it takes FOREVER for Kim to finally let Kitty-Harry inside his apartment, and even LONGER for Kim to officially adopt Kitty-Harry, (bonus points if Kim is still in/at precinct 57) but then ! Kim wants to introduce Harry to his cat! uh-oh! Kitty-Harry also kinda afraid of Jean’s reaction to Kitty-Harry but going to be nosy anyways and turns out — Jean is a big animal lover! It barely takes any convincing for Jean to decide to adopt Harry. Harry feeling jealous that he doesn’t get this soft side of Jean but also gives Harry a new perspective on Jean overall. Que Kitty-Harry awkwardly being owned by two of his friends and THEN also imagine them both talking about the cat they own and finding out it’s the same kitty and they both feel sorta backstabbed(?) or are like ‘wow my/our cat isn’t loyal…’ Jean as a Kitty sounds very amusing… just hissing and very annoyed that they don’t clock it right away that it’s him! Knocking over mugs to get their attention and whatnot, getting scolded and put in kitty jail.. :( !
- SWAP AU! Do I really have to go into detail here? I love the idea of a ‘very, very sane’ Harrier du bois and just an absolutely pathetic failure of Kim Kitsuragi in the swap au… shout out to @/Danielcalmdown0 on Twitter for the new perspective/dynamic on this au!! Kim doesn’t own the kineema in this au because they gave it to a more dedicated officer and Kim is just… absolutely heartbroken over it, but also a bit petty and jealous like ‘I WOULDVE TAKEN CARE OF IT THE BESTEST!’ I wish people discussed Jean and Harry’s relationship in this au more though! I like to think in this particular au they would have a bit of a more father-son dynamic?? MAYBE? not necessarily father-son, but something close for sure, just older figure Jean looks up too… (Maybe Harry baby’s or coddles Jean too much in this au and it PISSES Jean off.) would he still be his brooding self?! Let’s just say yes. I think Jean would have a bit of a crush on this Harry, of course he denies it to himself but it’s there, until Kim joins the picture then its pathetic loser vs pathetic loser and Harry wanting them to be friends but it doesn’t really work to much at first… they figure it out later though. IDK! I have a lot of ideas! And a lot of them contradict eachother!
I have alot more ideas. But I been typing for far too long so I’m gonna call it wraps. If you read the entirety of this I love you. AND if you’re a writer… and you get inspired by ANY of these and if you write it?? Please let me know! I would love to read it!
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#harry du bois#kimharry#jean vicquemare#the skills#an excessive use of the word ‘maybe’ is used#proceed with caution.#disco elyisum swap au#jeanharry#headcanon#headcanons#fanfiction ideas#??? maybe#*claws at the bars of my enclosure* PLEASE SOMEONE RELATE#Father Harry du bois#the pale#Harry du bois is an innocence#trying to think of all the tags I can use for this post but I’m stumped tbh#the furies#I am SO SORRY this is SO long
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man i love open endings. the fact that thanks to yuuji there might indeed be the next time sukuna talks about in case some idiot decides to eat a finger again. and we need fics where yuuji is that idiot
#hiding this in the tags but i think jjk and mha kinda conveyed the same concept#i haven’t mentioned it because sukuita always steals 100% of my attention but gojo’s moment was great too! as i said i think gege stayed#true to his characters till the end and i’ve always thought gojo coming back to life was absolute bs not because i didn’t want him back but#because it would completely ruin what was trying to be told through his story. he carried out the destiny he was doomed to carry out and#gege even specified this for us and /why/ it’s going to be different for yuuji#it can also be found in the way gojo and sukuna fought vs yuuji and sukuna#and it’s rly similar to horikoshi’s concept of the new generation reaching out to the villains and trying to understand them & /that/ is#what ‘the greatest hero’ truly means#ok now i’m digressing because gojo was more about himself and the title he was stuck with but it’s all so similar you know#which brings me to my point (finally)#the fact that the villains always ‘loses’ in the end. and i’m thinking that letting them live would be such a risky direction to take bc#it’s so easy to make it either corny or unrealistic. if the whole thing is about succeeding in reaching out then it’s going to happen at the#very last. and realistically it’s going to be too late. they’re going to be too far gone and it sucks but that’s how it is#shoto can discuss soba with touya but he’s still slowly dying. you know#so the best we can hope for is that the battle the villain fought at least leaves a mark and they sure did#something something the bad guy changing the good guy as much as he changed him#so yeah um maybe i am making sense maybe i am not but i woke up this morning and kinda went insane because it dawned on me that yuuji gave#sukuna another chance to life taking himself out of the equation#UGH. CIGARETTE EMOJI#speaking of which i’ve been (im)patiently waiting for olasketches and cruyuu’s reactions#my fave people on tumblr are genuinely the first people i think about after something good happens#my post
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2 hour rough drawing of Ehuang, my precious Green Opal child who I don’t draw nearly enough <3
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#original character#ehuang beifong#<— finally. a new OC with a proper tag#tbh it is much easier to tag characters who have last names#and we’ve never discussed it but I do think Ehuang carries the Beifong last name. whether or not she uses it is a different matter#I feel like she’s a Beifong officially she never puts much emphasis on it. she prefers the other side of her family anyway#okay moving on from that#next gens for next gens. quite a deep niche in reaching here#but I don’t care. I love Ehuang as a representation of everything good and pure in the world too much to object to her existence#baby girl. sweet girl#and yeah I’ve drawn her with Midori Opal and Suiren before so I thought I’d try something else#and while Kuvira isn’t actually shown here. just know that she’s absolutely tearing up off screen#you can pull the idea of Kuvira absolutely adoring her little niece out of my cold dead hands#wait omg I never posted my earlier art of Ehuang on here have I#okay once I’m done with my current projects I’ll refine and post those#the world deserves to see more of Ehuang#I feel like this particular scenario also hits some spot in Kuvira bc she knows who Ehuang’s bio dad is#and Ehuang looks just enough like him. despite being very similar to Midori. that imagining her with a beauty mark under her eye…#it brings Certain Ideas to mind. very fleeting and eliciting a ‘imagine that. I love this girl to bits but I’m sure glad I’m not her mom’#kind of response. but overall no one really lingers on that fact. I feel. her parents are Midori and Opal#Bataar’s just the donor. no one calls him her bio dad. he doesn’t see her as his daughter. probs Suyin is the only one who puts up a fuss#like not letting up about Ehuang being his kid even though he’s told her countless times that his involvement is irrelevant#he doesn’t wish to be ehuang’s dad. that wasn’t why he helped create her.#he did so because he loves his sister and SIL. because he knew they wanted a baby. not because he wanted a child himself#he’s quite content being her uncle thank you very much. and idk why I just went on this ramble lmao#maybe I should try to write something Ehuang related. explore all these relationships and whatever. we’ll see
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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it’s so hard out here as an abedison disliker
#the truest repairman posts#These tags are long as shit sorry#im not fandom tagging this one because it’s not really about that it’s more like.#Guys I don’t see it…#At ALL#and obviously I know why I don’t but it feels like sometimes I’m just pulling the “can’t people be friends” card which sucks#And is NOT the argument I’m trying I can assure you#I don’t see it in a romantic or even. Even a qpr way??#They just seem like friends to me?#Even then I always see people singing the praises of their dynamic in s6 (obviously helped by the fact that Alison and Danny are friends#which is lovely obviously) but even then ehhhh. It’s not that compelling#They’re friends and I appreciate their relationship the same as I enjoy the rest of the group and their interpersonal connections#The things people point out to just come across personally like character moments between them? Not romantic in the slightest?#Even when they kissed- usually I can find a lot of appreciation for canon relationships in shows I like#Even if I disagree with the characterisation#But it really just felt like capital N Nothing to me#Also#As I’ve made very clear#I am a lesbian Annie truther 100%#I just don’t think I could ever read her another way without taking out the foundation of her character in my mind#And idk I dig non binary abed perspectives but they aren’t the ones I tend to examine the show with#Any more than I use the perspective that he’s queer as in peculiar as much as queer as in Queer#All this said 100% respect to the abedison shippers out there you do excellent work#It’s just not for me#Anti abedison#I want to clarify this post is NOT anti abedison at all but I don’t want people who are just having a nice time to have to see this
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This may be controversial but I Genuinely wish people would stop being all arrogant and patronising Abt organ donation.
Like people talking abt organ donation to me is the equivalent of those virtue signalling posts on tiktok that’s like “if you don’t do this you’re a shit human being and don’t deserve genuine love or care” cuz yeah organ donation is important but so is respecting people’s wishes who don’t feel comfortable doing it. For example if your religion doesn’t allow it. Me personally I’m not opposed to organ donation but I don’t want to sign up (I live in a country where I’m automatically assumed an organ donor unless I opt out anyways) because I have such bad anxiety if I think about it I will have a panic attack. And I struggle rlly bad w intrusive thoughts and one occurring one is Abt having my organs removed so I just hate thinking about it bc it’s genuinely really distressing for me. Like the thought of having my organs taken is just so panic inducing and awful for me to think about because it reminds me of how I’m going to die one day and I’m actually terrified of that so xxxxx and whenever I try to explain this to people when I say I’m not an organ donor (haven’t got a card that u get when u sign up) it’s like “WHY NOT??!?!?!?” “YOULL BE DEAD YOU WONT NEED THEM!!!” “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A SHIT PERSON DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT OTHERS IN NEED????” Like no. Just let me explain for two secs and stop being an asshole !!! I just think that it’s stupid cuz I think that even if it’s not for religious reasons we should still respect the wishes of the dead. If I say I don’t want to donate I don’t want to and I have a valid reason and that should be respected. I get that organ donation is struggling bc of aging population but you don’t have to make me feel guilty about my genuine fears and anxieties because you want to make yourself look better. Cuz these people don’t care they just wanna make themselves seem better than you most of the time. And they just scream at you and it’s really upsetting.
#more in tags#like there’s ways to get people to donate but publicly shaming and humiliating them is not it#and it just hurts as a mentally ill person to be hounded over things that genuinely make my illness worse#bc god forbid I want to stay stable and not have a breakdown#plus I’m also disabled like it’s good I’m not an organ donor bc babes none of this is working for me#so why would it work for anyone else#organ donation is a privilege and I feel as well that I’m not heard out as a disabled person when I try to explain#that hey I am self aware enough to know that my organs wouldn’t be of use to anyone once I die bc they’ll probably be the reason I do#plus I can still donate in other ways#like I’m all for donating blood or plasma and to help where I can and feel comfortable doing so#but forcing people to do something bc YOU think it’s best without even considering personal nuance is stupid and I hate it#organ donation#organ donor#personal#mirs thoughts#mir screams#vent#vent post#mental illness#mental health#blood donation#blood donor#plasma#hospital#blood drive#healthcare
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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always get so pleasantly surprised when people really like my stuff i post :) love you all. whether you celebrate something or not around this time i wish you all the best <3
#i always first and foremost post for me if not otherwise stated on the post itself#and that is what i always have done and aspire to continue. but#it makes me happy to see so many likeminded people around me#sorry. i am getting sappy and emotional; today has been draining for reasons i do not know#i am very tired and it is late for me so i will try sleeping soon#i am glad to have found such a nice and large fandom in sonic. it has allowed me to try and be more approachable and friendly while still#being myself at my core interactions. this year has been strange and new and exciting so i figured i might as well try#and make some more friends. which i have; i am happy to say :’) i have always had a hard time socializing. and to find people willing#to understand the things i say even though it’s worded weirdly#and i’m happy so many can enjoy the art i post <3 it means a lot to me#especially when i feel as if i don’t do enough. i like many others have some. issues regarding worth and content but i am trying my best#and. am getting better at it 👍 i think i might be getting sick ergo the sappiness and long tags#but i don’t regret the things i say. i love you all followers mutual ppl i follow#there is so much space in my heart and i am not afraid to admit that i get attached easily and do not know where friendships begin.#but i. am willing to try and find out! if the gods are willing; hopefully a good new year for us all next week! and more commmunity and love#i hope you understand what i am trying to convey. ive been scared of being this open but if i am not then i will never know living#and loving <3 will still be posting obvs i am simply joyous rn! gonna sleep now :3
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there’s something about the fact that my mum still thinks money is a good present for her children in their twenties when we earn more than she gives us per day working AND we each are sending her more money than that every single week in rent 🙃
#trying not to be all ungrateful and sad sack#but literally waive my rent for the week and i’m better off???#OR and i know this is a wild suggestion BUT actually buy some sort of present? bc we’d appreciate the thought more than the money value?#it’s not like any of it was a surprise - she’s honest every time that she will not buy presents bc ‘she doesn’t know what we want’#wel mum you’d have to actually Try to think what we might want?#but genuinely it is Not that hard to shop for either of us and i’m being sooo genuine rn#ALSO she doesn’t even give cash? it’s a literal bank transfer 😩 cash would be more effective i s2g#anyway that’s my rant i am maybe recovered and can return to christmas vibes#my post tag
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i haven’t gotten to be a bookblr (?) girlie in a bit so lets gooooooo (some quotes detail sexual abuse)
“Suffering feels religious if you do it right”. Chelsea Hodson, Tonight I'm Someone Else: Essays
“How perverse is his glee? / To pick feathers from angels / For a wank bank of sufferings” CUPIDCORE, currently untitled [unreleased]
“I take my suffering like a martyr because it’s all I got
Who am I without my sufferings? /Who are you if you don’t get to watch? / My eyes to heaven / Mouth hanging open / My knees shred on hard ground— / Spit running down my chin now / Hand like a gun to the back of my head / Guiding me / ‘This is worship’ / ‘This is how to pray’— / Grunting loud now / All mean / Louder than the slop and choking / Promises to tear me a new one / And stick your fingers there— / Salt instead of sugar / I swallow like Agnes anyway— / Still looking up / Towards heaven’s gate— / As above so below /Flowing sticky hot heat / Why does the body betray / Those who carry it— / Behold; it’s little death / Seeing white again— / A shake signalling divine violence—/ Dying Martyr or Living God?— / Your three-headed Lamb” CUPIDCORE, A Love Like God’s Ⅱ [unreleased]
(edited) “One thing or the other: either the taboo holds good, in which case the experience does not occur, or if it does, only furtively, outside the field of awareness; or it does not hold good—“.
“—As far as science is concerned, the taboo is not justified, it is pathological, neurotic. It is seen from outside: in our own personal experiences— we see it as a neurotic phenomenon— an outside mechanism intruding on our consciousness. This— does not do away with the experience. Instead it minimizes its significance”.
“Hence when the historian, the psychiatrist or the psychoanalyst describe taboos and transgressions, they are only described objectively”. Not as a real functioning organ or tumour left untreated <-crazygirlpilledcore
#evidence of life#my reading / book / library tag is now#alexandria froze over#i really need to update my tag directory 🤒#ALSO IF YOU STEAL CUPID’S WORK I WILL KILL YOU i am very grateful she allowed me to post her unreleased lyrics please be respectful#you can quote them as well BUT you must credit her like i did <33#don’t take my add on either I’m writing or wrote [my memory is bad don’t want to switch apps to check] that i will post#blease… we’re in such a better place so please don’t make things screwy for us… if you know you know or whatever…#covering all my bases just in case 🤪 asks about us will be ignored asks of anon about him will be answered privately you can dm too#if i don’t feel comfortable answering something i won’t or you could mind your business……….#trying to think positive that if anyone asks it’s people who actually knew her and want to know of his wellbeing
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How about switching tenses mid-scene without realizing it because vibes?
Disclaimer these are just a small sampling of some possible writer traits I’ve noticed either in myself or in fics I read. Also consider a rb for sample size !
#I think I’m everything except the 2nd and 3rd#the physicality of the characters has always been important to me I think#there’s so much you can communicate just by describing a character’s body language#so I don’t tend to forget what they’re doing while they speak#and I don’t write many action scenes so XD I just haven’t encountered that pitfall yet#I don’t have a problem with repeating metaphors I feel I’m a good judge of when to repeat implementation#but one problem I do have is trying to extend a metaphor on and on#eventually it stops making sense XD#a specific word or descriptor?#describing a dreaded prospect as ‘having all the slow inevitability of a glacier’ is one I’ve used so many times in drafts and notes#I don’t think it’s actually made it into anything I’ve posted publicly XD#I’m not exactly sure what the last tag is referring to. forgetting characters that should be there?#only reason I don’t have that problem is because if I can’t find something for them to do then I don’t post XD#one nice thing about AUs that center on only one or two characters is that#there’s no reason to complain about other characters not getting page-time XD because they aren’t the focus#writing
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