#trying to be careful to imply in this post that the article linked is not by or about me

[cassolotl]

I'm sick of autistic people not being understood

I'm feeling very sad about the contents of this article, where a charity that was set up specifically to work one-on-one with and support autistic people (by training assistance dogs for them) fails to ask about or listen to requests for autistic-friendly and autistic-aware family training.

"My experience with Autism Dogs Charity", posted 21st February 2023.

There's a lot of other really terrible stuff in there, but I think the bit that hits me the hardest is just the part where autistic people are made to feel like their individual needs (which are actually not that difficult to meet??) are too much work and a burden on everyone else.

You EXIST to connect with, understand and support autistic people! You had one job, my guys! COME ONNNNN

[perfectlyvalid49]

15,000 > 1,200. Look at the destruction of North Gaza, then look at the cities in the envelope. I assume you must also be hurt by the number of bombs the IDF have dropped, the number of rounds they've shot. Do you happen to have a number for those, or only for the Palestinians?

Hey Anon, It seems like you think that this is a gotcha question, but I’ll answer it anyway. I had to look up the number of rockets fired for my last post, and I had to look up the number of bombs dropped for this one. The best information I can find says about 10,000 bombs on Gaza City, and a total of 25,000 tons of explosives total. Here’s a link to the article I found, let me know if you have a better one: https://euromedmonitor.org/en/article/5908/Israel-hits-Gaza-Strip-with-the-equivalent-of-two-nuclear-bombs

And let’s think about those numbers for a minute. Gaza is a densely populated area and yet it is taking 1.667 TONS of explosive material to kill a single Palestinian? It almost seems like Israel is trying to minimize casualties while striking at the terrorists who attacked them, which is a stark contrast to Hamas, which deliberately attacks civilians. And why is Israel having to target areas with so many Palestinian civilians present in the first place? It’s because Hamas uses human shields and builds their military infrastructure under hospitals and schools. And yet the outrage is directed at Israel, and not at Hamas.

And to be absolutely clear: one civilian death on EITHER side is one death too many. The first thing I said after 10/7 was that Israel’s response to the attack was going to hurt Palestinian civilians and I hated it. It took me two days to recover enough to be able to form semi-coherent thoughts on the matter, but this is a screenshot from a post I made on October 9th:

I feel like your ask is implying that I don’t care about what’s happening to the Palestinians, and I want to assure you and anyone else who cares that I do. But so much of what I see is people supporting Palestine while absolutely throwing Israelis under the bus, and that’s what my post was trying to address. I’ll say it again – my problem is with people who are outraged by the deaths on one side and not the other, no matter which side you choose.

I will admit that I tend to be more forgiving towards Israel’s actions for the following reasons: they were attacked and have a right to defend themselves, they are not targeting civilians, they are not taking hostages, they are not torturing people, they are not using human shields. It sucks that they’re killing people, but Hamas is killing people too, including Palestinians! Those rockets I mentioned? About 10% of them misfire and fall in Gaza. The deaths from that are included in the 15,000 number that is being blamed on Israel.

My point stands. You can (and should!) be outraged at what is happening. But if you’re only outraged at Israel and not at Hamas, then you need to ask yourself why.

[specialagentartemis]

#wait is there something wrong with the history hates lovers song? I read the linked post and now I'm worried D: (via @gardenofarson)

I thought I explained pretty straightforwardly in the linked post why I hate the "History Hates Lovers" song: It takes the explicit stance that you, ordinary citizen of the world with no special training, are actually smarter than the experts by virtue of being gay.  It assumes that historians are all old ivory-tower eggheads and homophobic clueless idiots and only they, youtube user Oublaire, know the REAL truth. It's smugly anti-intellectual in a meme way, rather than historically curious in any serious way. "Too afraid to call it what it is / It doesn't take a scholar to understand this" like oh Come On.

Other reasons I hate it:

"Who's gonna tell us the stories, that our textbooks don't?" Gosh I don't know, maybe Actual Historians? Believe it or not, "writing high school history textbooks" is not the sum total of what historians do. There are so many books about queer history written by queer historians out there. Aside from narratives about Stonewall, AIDS, and various worldwide rights movements in the 20th century, of which there are Lots, how about any of these books or these ones or these or this book about Sappho or these biographies of Oscar Wilde or this study of homosexuality in Ancient Greece - by a historian from the 1970s! Wow!!! Maybe historians have been thinking about this for a While! - and all the various articles written by academic historians about homosexuality in history. Untangling histories that were either treated as derogatory, hidden in shame, or ignored is important... and people are doing it. This is such a dismissal of the work that a lot of historians - especially queer historians - are doing these days!

Have you (Oublaire) ever read a biography. Even once. Historians and biographers LOVE to speculate about historical figures' sexualities. You can't get away from it. Especially when someone never married, biographers and writers looooove to speculate about the love affairs and heartbreaks they must have been having. Gay or straight. History loves lovers to the point where it's hard to find a discussion of a perpetual-bachelor-or-spinster figure that doesn't dip into trying to imagine them as Being A Lover. Yes I'm vaguing at American Bloomsbury's treatment of Thoreau (and Margaret Fuller, who she soooo wanted to be having torrid romances with both Hawthorne and Emerson) and The Fossil Hunter's insistence on imagining Mary Anning as secretly being in love with her male friend despite no evidence of this.

The haughty amatonormativity. "'Just friends' don't live like that / They don't look at each other / With love in their eyes" Deeply sorry to all Oublaire's supposed friends for learning via this song that Oublaire doesn't care about their friends, I Guess. The assumption that anyone who cares about each other has to be In Love. Fuck off.

"How many decades of hiding? Twenty-one centuries of hate Some things may not've been okay back then But it's sure all right today" This is what proves that Oublaire doesn't actually care about history. Back when? Are they implying that homophobia was invented with the birth of Christ? Was history just the same for 2,100 years, until a switch flipped in the 21st cenntury and now everyone is chill with gay people? What a narrow-sighted reduction! "It's a rhetorical flourish" well I hate it anyway. Get better rhetorical flourishes.

People who really like the song keep applying it to Achilles and Patroclus, who are, notably, fictional characters, and not historical figures.

The scansion and rhymes are terrible.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Adam Zyglis

* * *

General observations about the campaign

The disinformation efforts are in high gear and are compounded by difficult-to-interpret early voting numbers. Others have written extensively about how to interpret early voting (Simon Rosenberg and Jay Kuo). My overly simplistic interpretation is that we are seeing the natural phenomenon of regression to the mean in early voting as the distortions in early voting caused by the Covid lockdown in 2020 are no longer present. That makes percentage comparisons and trends between 2020 and 2024 misleading.

In general, the core data conforms to what the political moment suggests should happen: Democrats are seeing strong(er) results based on the overriding issue of the 2024 election: The abrogation of the right of reproductive liberty in Dobbs that demoted more than half of America’s population to second class citizens. (See Jay Kuo’s article, linked above).

Democrats overperformed expectations in nearly every election since Dobbs. But pollsters and pundits keep trying to model 2024 based on 2020 and 2016. Not only do those elections lack the post-Dobbs effect, neither of them involved a candidate who mounted a coup and incited an insurrection, was convicted of 34 felonies, withheld national defense documents after a demand for their return, and was found to be civilly liable for sexual assault.

None of the above is meant to dismiss the consistent signal in the polls that the election will be close. But the relative advantage generated by enthusiasm and momentum cannot be ignored—as most pollsters seem to do.

In an incredible gift to the Harris campaign, Trump's surrogates have been saying the ugly part out loud:

Speaker Mike Johnson admitted that Republicans still want to repeal Obamacare a.k.a. the Affordable Care Act. See Vox, Republicans are serious about cutting people’s health care

RFK Jr. speaks openly about managing multiple cabinet-level agencies and sub-agencies across the federal landscape. What could go wrong with a guy who dumped a dead bear-cub in Central Park, used a chain saw to decapitate a dead whale, and contributed to a deadly measles outbreak in Samoa? (How RFK Jr. Falsely Denied His Connection to a Deadly Measles Outbreak in Samoa – Mother Jones).  

The Trump-Vance transition chair, Howard Lutnick, (CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald), repeatedly questioned the effectiveness of vaccines in an interview with Caitlin Collins on CNN. Video: Kaitlan Collins spars with Trump-Vance transition co-chair about RFK Jr. and vaccines | CNN Politics.

And of course, Trump chose five days before Election Day to tell women that he is going to exert control over them “whether the women like it or not:

I want to protect the women of our country. I want to protect the women [even though my advisors said it was] very inappropriate for you to say. "I said, 'Well, I'm going to do it, whether the women like it or not . . .

See Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Harris rips Trump for saying he'll protect women whether they 'like it or not'.

And on Thursday evening, Trump said in an interview with Tucker Carlson that Liz Cheney should have “guns trained on her” to see how she feels. He said:

“Let's put her with a rifle standing there with 9 barrels shooting at her. Let's see how she feels about it. You know, when the guns are trained on her face."

The media should write about nothing else for the next five days. Trump is implying an execution of a political opponent. On Thursday, the Times and WaPo devoted front-page coverage to a non-story about Joe Biden condemning the comedian who called Puerto Rico a “floating island of garbage.” In comparison, Trump’s comments deserve 100X as much coverage—and condemnation.

The above missteps are damaging before we even get to the slurs and threats to wide swaths of Americans: Puerto Ricans, Black voters, Jewish voters, and anyone who opposes Trump's political agenda.

And Trump's effort to hold a press conference from a garbage truck was a public relations disaster because (a) Trump reminded everyone of the “floating island of garbage” comment, and (b) Trump visibly struggled to open the truck door and appeared to stumble due to lack of balance issues.

As always, we cannot rely on Republicans to defeat themselves, even though they are doing their best to do so. Indeed, it is unavoidable because the Republican platform (to the extent it exists) seeks to advantage millionaires and billionaires at the expense of everyone else. It is tough to build a winning message on that platform. Grievance and division will take you only so far. After that, you must appeal to people who want a president who will improve their lives. That isn’t Trump. It is Kamala Harris.

Trump has helped to crystalize the candidates' differences in the campaign's final weeks. That can only help Democrats up and down the ballot. As the saying goes, “Sometimes it is better to be lucky than good.” Fortunately, Kamala Harris is both!

[Robert Hubbell Newsletter]

[alwida10]

Apologies if you've already answered it. I've been reading your metas today and linked posts and ngl I really love them and I feel like we're in full agreement with everything.

With season 2 of Loki merely 6 weeks away (idk, are you going to watch it? I think I will, regardless of my current feelings about it) what are your thoughts about the upcoming season? What do you expect we'll get in it? Do you have any hopes for it, or do you think it will be more of the same. The current promo does not give me a good feeling tbh. Also do you think Hiddleston could leave the mcu at the end of season 2? Or at least if this could be the last time we see TVA Loki. Sorry for lenghty ask 🙈 my season 2 anxiety is off the charts, I expect it will be more of the same with Sylvie leading the story and Loki following her and I'd love to hear your thoughts about s2

Awww, thank you!!! Season 1 was something I felt so deeply for! All my hopes and dreams were focused on it. And then it shattered me in a way I didn’t know was possible. Now, I see that it took me a full year to cope and decode what I was feeling. The metas I wrote during this time (including the survey) are more like an open diary of how I processed the show and stabilized my mental health. It means a lot to me that now those thoughts may help others, too. 💚

I’ll put the answers under a cut, because there are some triggers included.

what are your thoughts about the upcoming season? What do you expect we'll get in it?

Frankly, I expect the season to focus mainly on Sylvie and her character development. If I put my criticisms aside and try to see what the creators wanted to do with the series, it looks to me like their only goal for Larry was to morph him from a villain to a hero in a way that would be undeniable for the general audience. This was achieved by him watching the video and finally finding someone he cares for. So his arc was completed in season 1. His role now is probably to serve as a guide for her, and maybe to discover that his true power is only achievable through or with her. I don’t count this as “his” arc especially, but more the core of the general admiration Sylvie is supposed to get from everyone in-universe. It’s a part of being a Mary sue. As is excelling at everything, even stuff that is opposite to your characteristics and you have no former knowledge on that would make it seem believable you’d excel. Like this, you know?

I‘m quite certain of this because Eric Martin is a huge fan of Sylvie and the ship. If you want to confirm I suggest looking at his Twitter. His tweets imply he intends to stay true to Waldron‘s and Harron‘s original ideas. This was confirmed by some people working on the set of season 2. I made the effort to find the original post, and it turned out that two people contributed to the post I experienced as thoughtful and reliable on Reddit. I personally believe those leaks.

Do you have any hopes for it, or do you think it will be more of the same. The current promo does not give me a good feeling tbh.

I think it will be more of the same. Sorry, I wish I could tell you something more to your taste. I absolutely share this feeling, and so do others.

Also do you think Hiddleston could leave the mcu at the end of season 2?

This article claims that Tom was supposed to leave the MCU at the end of season 1. Allegedly, season 1 was supposed to have 12 episodes and only was cut short because of Corona. This would mean that the original end of season 1 would be now the end of season 2. Does this mean he will leave? I can’t say. Disney‘s stock is progressively decreasing. Social media opinions on the MCU seem to grow more and more negative and depreciating. Perhaps Iger and Feige feel like Tom is one of the last strong pillars and try to keep him. At this point, I wouldn’t put it past them to try to keep the MCU afloat with Tom’s personal fandom. I don’t think that will work since Google stats show that his popularity decreased after season 1 to a point where it is now below the level it was after endgame. But they might attempt it.

Or at least if this could be the last time we see TVA Loki.

Even if he leaves I assume cameos are always a possibility, especially now that the studios are utilizing AI. But Loki? I‘m heartbroken, but I am very sure we have seen the last of him in TDW (and Ao3). May his reign bring him all the joy he deserves.

So last but not least:

idk, are you going to watch it?

I honestly don’t know. I certainly won’t pay for it. The last time I always watched the episodes was the day they came out so I could write my thoughts down here. But ngl, I’m tired of the fighting, the anon hate, and the feeling that opinions online are getting more important than the love for Loki. Right now, I’m trying to focus more on my fanfics than on the canon. Season 1 made me unable to continue my fics for almost a year. I don’t want to repeat that with season 2.

I still think that the show has done great harm to the fandom, to (some) people with poor mental health who needed Loki as a focus point, (some) gender-fluid or non-binary people who got exposed to sexism because of it, and possibly Tom‘s reputation (based on the google trends Infos). But for season 2 we know what to expect. We know it’s not Loki but Larry who will appear. And in this case, I think it might be best to leave the season to those it was made for, so they can enjoy it and keep as far away from it as possible.

If you want to watch it and still want to give Disney some negative feedback, I recommend watching every episode more than 7 days after it aired. Afaik Disney only counts views in the first week as real interest. Alternatively, 🏴‍☠️.

[granulesofsand]

I have opinions about a post (https://www.tumblr.com/justanothersyscourse/715275783016448000/looks-like-the-tulpa-studies-might-finally-be).

🗝️🏷️ psychosis, invalidation, syscourse? (It’s a link to an anti-endo review of a study, with my endo-neutral commentary)

The reblog options makes it huge, and I care more about the bottom highlighted part. I look forward to finding the whole study, but I want to share strategies I use for reading academic papers.

Things to keep in mind:

Clinicians and researchers typically don’t have lived experience. They can learn from formal education or people who do have whatever they’re looking at, but can take many years to communicate in community (system-specific social settings) spaces effectively, if they ever get to that point.

Language develops separately in different contexts. There are barriers on both sides that prevent conversation; psychologists don’t know community terms, and the community doesn’t know how to decode academic phrasing.

Some researchers are snooty. There are professionals that approach community members believing they are lying, wrong, or confused. Words like “experience” and “feel” are used, both to make the professional appear more neutral and to imply unreality. Plenty of papers on DID also say things like “The patient experiences herself as a young child” when admittedly describing what the community calls “littles”.

This doesn’t mean that the study will prove anything either way. I haven’t seen the abstract, but it looks like they’re trying to reject or fail to reject that tulpas (among other audial experiences) are symptoms of psychosis. I can’t really tell what their base hypothesis was, but science doesn’t actually prove anything; it explains, it experiments, it observes, but it cannot definitively say that something is fact. Even things we’re pretty sure about, like gravity, can’t be known for certain. I have no personal investment in this study either way, but I do believe that harassing people is not okay — including people who are spreading harm. I have yet to see an endogenic system cause harm solely due to their identity as endogenic. Misinformation and poor etiquette suck, but there are methods to try before harming people back.

🗝️🏷️ same but also mild RAMCOA mention

(I also don’t understand why the willing creation of other selves is bad aside from the name “tulpamancy”, especially as a member of a traumagenic system that still splits somewhat intentionally. Is it different cause we were forced to do it? Or just because we have trauma? I will not accept being called bad for surviving as a small child, so why are they different?) - 🪡

[heir-less]

I found this woman on Instagram trying to claim Meghan tried to leak about her relationship with Harry back in 2017 by posting Instagram photos with her wearing his bracelets. Like, I saw the picture they used as "evidence" but it's not even noticeable enough for people in the mainstream to notice. Even I, who knows what Harry's bracelets look like, was squinting.

I don't know if this person knows this . . . but if Meghan wanted to leak it . . . she would have just leaked it upfront like the several other women who have gotten involved with princes and then leaked it to the media. It would be way easier for her as well since she already had media connections at the time.

She also claims that it's "odd" that the statement defending Meghan was released after only eight days of the story breaking their relationship. She says something like, "Girl, no one even knew about you, your name surfaced less than a week ago." Just fully reinventing history and reality. What, is it 1859 suddenly? Do we have to wait for the local mule to finish its hike over the bordering mountainside before we get our news? Oh, no, the news mule driver of the village died of Cholera, so now we can't react to the news about Meghan Markle until two weeks after it was announced!

What this woman leaves out is that a slew of articles and racist threats of violence, including the infamous (Almost) Stright Outta Compton (it has its own Wikipedia page for a reason) were all published in early November. This is what prompted that statement to be released. Not, as she implies, physical harassment from the paparazzi (which also happened at increasing rates later on), but racism from the British media and social media. Yeah, things happen fast in the online era of media consumption. Nothing about this was odd, this person was just intentionally mischaracterizing things to make baseless speculations about Meghan forcing Jason Kanuf at gunpoint to defend her. It seems to be her whole online persona, where she "exposes" the royals and fake news but she has the media literacy of the average ROTA reporter, so it goes as well as you'd think. Her feminism begins by defending Kate from being relegated to "William's wife" and ends by actually critically thinking about how institutional sexism can benefit some women at the expense of others.

I don't really feel the need to link to the post or the account, but I sort of wanted to write about the absolute state of anti-Meghan content on social media. They are still speculating over things from almost six years ago that holds little significance today. Everything has become so redundant and stale. Honestly, I don't even understand how any of this is a bad thing, the Royal Family should be willing to defend the people who enter into relationships with their members. I don't care if they release statements 7 days after an official announcement or 7 seconds. No one should be subjected to mass media harassment, period.

[tako-cafe]

Idia ED HCs

as the title implies this is covering eating disorders so be cautious if sensitive to this. reader beware type deal, also game spoilers

ok Ive done this before actually but it was vague and I offered zero proof so I’m doing this correctly now. I covered Azul in that old post too and his own post will be coming soon as well. Lets get into Idia now.

To start: how this will be done and his ED I think he has. For card and homescreen lines I’m just going to quote them as I don’t want this bogged down with too many screenshots but I will show as many event and main game ones as I can instead for those.

Now what do I think he has? ARFID but specifically the Lack of Interest variant. For reference this is described by the Eating Recovery Center as showing little or zero interest in food. Which can cause forgetting to eat, low appetite or distracted at eating time, or even extreme “picky eating” which limits what you eat or how much.(note I am also pairing this with a linked dx hc of autism for him link to a short article about this)

Now with this specific HC it more so was picked because he isn’t aiming for a weight goal or focusing on a specific idea (ie clean eating for example) but his foods he will touch are safe + him admitting he forgets to eat. As self admitted in the cooking event.

He seems very sensory on what he picks. In his Student intro sheet he hates raw fish but loves candy. Which is then backed up with his dorm uniform line, “Oh hey, want a gummy worm? …I just love brightly- colored candy.” A Birthday Boy line, “When I was out shopping, Sam said he’d throw in a little extra for my birthday. H-he gave me free candy! What a top-tier guy.” Chef card talking about sensory issues, “Ugh,that slimy feeling when ground meat squelches between your fingers gives me the creeps!”

A line talking about the meat feeling again messing with his sensory issues.

As far as safe foods other than candy while he is picky on fruit he will eat it. In the Applepom event card he mentions buying dried fruit, “TA-DA! Here’s the dried fruit I bought at Kokko Market! I figured it’d be the perfect snack.” In the same event in chapter 2-2 he also states, “I only eat fruit if it’s canned or already sliced and peeled. But peeling this thing myself sounds like a chore…”

There is also his birthday interview about food,

“Thank you. So, what’s your favorite food? ” Idia , “…Snacks. They taste good, and are easy to eat while you’re gaming. Can you name a better combo? If I had to be more specific, I’d go with DIY candy kits, where you make candy sushi and such by mixing water into powder packets. It turns snacktime into a game! It’s easy to get totally absorbed, too. Whee hee hee. There’s something genuinely engaging about being able to change the shape and color yourself. It’s definitely not just for kids, okay?” I love this as a lore he stated because it fits into the idea of finding a way to introduce a food he would try: turn it into a game

Further sensory mentions with him hating raw fish in birthday boy, “Raw fish. It stinks, it’s lukewarm, it’s all slimy and clingy and sticky…”

In the same line from that card he actually talks further about how he feels about eating, “And who’s got time for food you need proper tableware to eat? That’s just a ton of pointless busywork for one lousy meal. Who cares how you get nutrients, as long as you get them? Just eat an energy bar with vitamins and minerals! Bam, EZ.”

This isn’t the only time he talks about wanting an easy way out of eating. In the chef card he described cooking as inefficient and mentions meal replacements. He did however seem open to at least try things if he could build basically a slowcooker that prepped the food along with cooking it.

As one more safe food- ramen seems to be okay. A chef card homescreen line states, “Weird. I was meant to be buying ingredients, but next thing you know I’ve got a new type of instant noodles in my hand. Guess I’ll add it to the collection.”

As a conclusion, I don’t think Idia would see this as a disorder. While his family is stated by him to be concerned including Ortho-

We can see his family has concerns that he knows of but I do not think he sees it as a literal disorder. He is in online gaming circles and really limited diets aren’t uncommon in them so they could also be normalized in his eyes. Along with being so isolated his whole life it isn’t far fetched to think he saw this as normal for a while as is. But I do also think he doesn’t want to be like this. He did, even if just for the credits, join the class and did try his best. He looked upset about Ortho being worried. He is one I don’t think he’ll eat everything under the sun even with the top of the line doctors. But I do think he will eventually work through and with accommodating himself find a few things he can handle and maybe even semi-enjoy.

ending notes: if i missed anything he said lemme know so i can edit/add. hopefully I made sense though thanks for reading my silly thing + reposted from my old account so I can link these HCs together I’m making

[thegreatestjournalistofalltime]

In this post:

About the Muse (Freddie Lounds, NBC Hannibal)

About the Mun (Hi, I’m Casper!)

I’ll Write...

I Won’t Write...

Character Headcanons (HC’s and Canon-Divergent Ideas) 

RP Rules

This is my main RP blog, and Freddie is my main character. However, I also have a blog for Dr. Frederick Chilton, @b1oodandchocolate​ , on which I would also be thrilled to write with you if you’d like! Both are independent and selective.

I have the link to my RP Queue board on my side navigation, but for mobile users, you can click here to see all the stuff I’m working on.

All dividers used below were made by saradika. Please go check out her work. It’s all lovely.

Freddie Lounds is rude, brilliant, and damn-near fearless. She does whatever she has to do in order to get information for her tabloid site, Tattle Crime. Unfortunately, this often means breaking laws, manipulating people, or engaging in otherwise nefarious behavior. However, she has her moments when she shows that she does have a heart, and that she does care about other people... Sometimes. Depends on who it is, really.

Here’s Freddie’s Wiki Bio for more information if you haven’t seen the show ❤️

Hello, there! My name is Casper. I’m transmasc non-binary (my pronouns are they/them/theirs or he/him/his) and I’m over the age of 30. I’m neurodivergent as fuck, and, despite writing for shady characters, I’m a soft boi  😅 

I’m kind of the stereotypical introvert, so I know I can sometimes come across as standoffish (especially online), but I promise that I’m friendly! I just have a super low threshold for socializing, especially with people I don’t know or don’t know very well yet, which sometimes makes it seem like I don’t want to talk to someone, when the reality is that I just can’t at a given time. Especially since it’s super easy for me to hit “burnout mode.”

Anyway, I’m hoping that I can actually do something of substance with this blog this time around and stick around a while longer lol. Please don’t be afraid to say hi! Just please keep in mind that I may not be able to respond right away.

Lastly, this is my Ao3, collecting dust lol: casperlounds on Ao3

Fluffy stuff

Platonic relationships

Consensual NSFW stuff (please see rules below)

Violent or Dark Themes (please see rules below)

Canon-Compliant OR Canon-Divergent Stuff

RP with Non-Hannibal Characters from Other Shows/Movies

RP with OCs in OR Outside of Hannibal

And more...

NonCon/Sexual Violence

Various Kinks (please see rules below)

Varying Degrees of Gore (please see rules below)

And more...

Freddie actually comes from a fairly affluent family and her parents are proud of her (they just kind of overlook a lot of the less savory things she does).

She is an only child.

Her middle name is “Emily.” Her mother initially wanted it to be “Amelie.”

Bisexual in the sense that she doesn’t care about/isn’t repulsed by sleeping with men, as it was implied with Zeller. This is especially true if it means getting what she wants for an article (she’s canonically Machiavellian), but I definitely see her as homoromantic. She may have a fling with a man, but it will never be serious and she won’t grow attached, even if it’s just for fun and not as some means to an end. Though the likelihood of that in itself is low.

Has a crush on Dr. Bloom. 

Please read these rules before requesting to roleplay.

This blog is 18+ ONLY. Therefore, I will also only write with people over the age of 18. Minors, please DNI.

If you want to RP with me, please PM me and let me know what you had in mind. Please do not post a starter without discussing things with me first. That way, we can also decide who will start things off!

I prefer public RPs, reblogging each other with our responses. HOWEVER, if you’d like to RP privately, please tell me so and I will try to work something out with you. Preferably on Discord.

That said, I cannot do RP in PMs. I tried that once and it was a bad struggle for me. Which is why I suggest Discord.

I will only accept random starters from certain people. If I get comfortable enough, I’ll let you know if I’m OK with your doing that. However, please don’t take this personally! As I stated in the About the Mun section, I’m both neurodivergent and have trouble with social spaces.

That said, if I post an Open Starter that reads “(anyone may reply),” I mean anyone, even non-mutuals. Any Open Starters meant solely for mutuals will be clearly marked to avoid confusion. However, for those who do reply (thank you!), please be aware that I may not get to yours or it may or may not turn into a longer RP.

Please understand that I often struggle with burnout and extreme fatigue, as well as other symptoms stemming from ADHD. Therefore, there will be times when I write more and times that I write less. I also might find it easier to work on one thing over another at a given time, but that doesn't mean I don’t value the partner or the RP I’m not working on. If this doesn't work for you, that’s totally understandable, just please don’t start writing with me if this is something you think will be a problem. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us.

On that same note, please be aware that I will not be writing page-long+ replies. Some of my starters/replies may be longer than others, but I generally write two or three paragraphs. If you’re looking for someone who writes lengthy replies, I’m not your guy. Realistically, I also know I wouldn’t be able to read those lengthy posts, so it wouldn’t be fair to you, either.

Despite not writing ultra lengthy replies, I do put a lot of thought and effort into them. I’ve been made aware that some people have started to use AI generated responses in RP (what a time to be alive). This is a hard no from me. I may take a while to respond, but when I do, I do so to the best of my abilities. I’d hope my partners do the same.

I will only accept “pre-established relationship” OCs (i.e. your character is the romantic interest/mortal enemy/childhood best friend/etc. of my muse) on a case-by-case basis. As with the “romantic chemistry” rule below, if I’m not feeling the connection, or if I don’t think I’ll be a good fit as a partner for it, I will respectfully decline.

If you want to drop or rework/restart a thread or idea that we’re working on together, please let me know!

Please don’t message me asking when I’m going to get to your response. All that does is make me anxious. I’ll likely let you know, myself, when I can get around to it if you’ve been waiting.

Likewise, please don’t spam message me, especially if I haven’t responded. That makes me incredibly anxious and less likely to respond at all.

However, please do message me if you have questions or want to discuss an idea in the RP we’re working on!!!

I will not have exclusive partners for a given character (i.e. a single Hannibal Lecter that I write with and no other Hannibals). There may be people I write with most frequently for a given character, but I won’t exclude other people.

If you aren’t sure if I’ll be comfortable with something, please ask. This includes NSFW themes, dark themes, violence, and gore. I will do the same for you!

As a general rule, I’ll likely not be comfortable with most kinks. You can ask in PMs while we plan our roleplay, but please know that the answer will likely be “no.”

In the event that you want to RP NSFW stuff, please let me know at the start that this is something you'd like to explore. However, also keep in mind that if I’m not feeling the connection, if it it doesn't make sense for our muses after we get into the RP, I won’t force it. Likewise, I’m also aware that sometimes things will gradually, naturally lead to romantic or sexual places, so it’s fine if that happens organically as we go.

Also, please keep in mind, though I don't mind discussing more explicit NSFW stuff regarding characters, I may not want to RP super explicit stuff. Again, case by case and I'd prefer to discuss it first so that we're both comfortable.

This post and all its sections are subject to change or revision. If that happens, I’ll post that I’ve updated it.

[starshipconsultant]

Just saw an incredibly annoying post that was trying to portray Palestinian suffering and activism to prevent it as like, a conspiracy theory. It also naturally had no sources, and when I looked up 1of its questions, I was immediately able to google and find that it was both incorrect and a misleading question (the question being in a group implying that the men of gaza weren't dying because they were all soldiers hiding in tunnels who are using the women and children as human shields.) Demographically speaking a population where about 50% of the population are children, and we can assume another 25% are women the death rate for these 2 combined groups being around 70% makes sense proportionally, and if you think about it it actually means that adult men are dying at a higher proportion then adult women.

An article I found - which comes from a place which would have no idealogical reason to be biased to Palestinians also notes "There was a distinct peak among men aged 30–34 years, possibly reflecting combatant or civilian exposures (e.g., first responders at bomb sites, journalists, and people going out to seek water and food for their families)" Which like directly contrasts that posts argument that the men who are all soldiers are hiding and letting the women or children dying. It also obfuscates that the reason children are the largest group dying is because the IDF is killing them, and does not care about civilian casualties. The reason so many in Gaza are children is according to the linked npr article above "many do not get the chance to grow old".

I can understand wanting to have an unbiased perspective, but that means not just accepting information at face value. If a statement rubs you the wrong way or lacks any context, look into it. Look at data, especially things like ratios. It's super easy to take some of the information, and use it to derive an incorrect conclusion.

[southshoretides]

Digging this one out of my drafts given the recent round of discourse about whether Scott Alexander is a 'right-wing writer' or not, and what that might imply about his judgment or character. From the link:

The silence stems partly, one senior leader in an organization said, from a fear of feeding right-wing trolls who are working to undermine the left. Adopting their language and framing feels like surrendering to malign forces, but ignoring it has only allowed the issues to fester. "The right has labeled it 'cancel culture' or 'callout culture'," he said, "so when we talk about our own movement, it's hard because we're using the frame of the right."

So you have what is basically a right-wing fantasy come true: zealous young activists destroying liberal advocacy orgs from the inside by turning everything into a social justice game and their superiors being too afraid of them to criticize them publicly, but they're damn sure they're not going to give conservatives an ounce of credit for accurately predicting it.

Personally I think conservatism is one of several lenses with which you can view the world, a series of claims and predictions about human and institutional behavior that are sometimes borne out by reality and sometimes not. Even when they aren't, I can usually get a feeling for why they feel that way.

I find this superior to the way lots of people here interact with the concept, which is to treat it as something both incurably evil and impossibly stupid, such that you really can approach objective truth and moral perfection by closely tracking anything that gets called conservative or too-close-to conservative or even not-actively-hostile-to conservative and just go whatever the opposite direction is. If that becomes untenable, just redefine your terms. It's a game, and the win condition is never admitting you're wrong. Everyone plays this game, which is why I've gotten so cynical about how farcical and pointless activism is, seeing it play out over and over and over again.

I'm not so dumb as to have to genuinely ask why people are hesitant to believe that people they hate might be right about some issue they disagree on. But if you're trying to rise above the level of base tribal conformity and your ape-brain telling you to divide the world into enemy and ally--and most people in this conversation are trying to do that, even if it's in an ironic, post-rationalist way--acting like a single word taints everything with which it's even mildly associated is not going to help.

And there's a lot of people who recognize that the Woke Wave is (conditionally, gradually) breaking apart, that lots of things were taboo'd in that 2014-2021 period for no good reason, and that they're not going to do that again, they're going to be truth-seeking rational analysts who aren't bound by cultural taboos or words-are-spells magical thinking, they still freak out at the idea that they might be defending a conservative notion, or mingling with conservatives. And I think that's kind of more pathetic than someone who's a partisan attack dog and knows it.

Because if 'conservative' as a concept is so devoid of truth and utility as to have a purely negative correlation with both, then articles like the above shouldn't exist in the first place, because the situation they describe should be impossible. Eager young progressives should help liberal advocacy orgs, not destroy them. Companies wouldn't be actively trying to filter out social justice advocates the way Argumate quotes up there.

So is Scott Alexander a right-winger? Who cares? He wrote about a lot of issues that caused him to break with the left, and stuck to his guns because he thought he was right about those issues, and there's a larger number of people willing to admit he was right now than five years ago. If he's wrong about the crime-driven hyperinflationary social collapse predictions, then he'll just be wrong about it. He doesn't self-ID as a conservative and were it not for the insistence on ideological purity that pushed left-skeptic libertarians, liberals, and centrists to break bread with the right in the first place, this conversation likely isn't even happening.

The Intercept had an article “Elephant in the Zoom” that would be right up your alley

Yeah. Glad I don't have anything riding on liberal advocacy these days

[merakiui]

Yandere!Jade and Floyd who have recently become obsessed with an idol from the surface.

(cw: yandere, unhealthy behaviors, obsessive fans!jade + floyd, implied manipulation/bribery, obsessive thoughts, brief dubious nsfw implications)

It was Floyd who saw an advertisement for sneakers on Magicam and he really liked the style and colors, but what caught his eye was the person endorsing said shoes. You were so cute in your sports outfit, showing the sneakers off in such a fashionably athletic way. Apparently this was some sort of collaboration? Floyd didn’t really care about the shoes or the collab at that moment; he was more interested in you as you offered a casual smile to the camera while holding a basketball in your hands.

So of course he asks Jade about it, who also has no idea. He’s never even heard of you or this brand or anything related to your management team and company. He’s just as lost as his brother, and after a quick online search they learn that you’re an idol whose group recently disbanded and you chose to go down the solo path. And from the looks of it, your career is still flourishing. Obviously you’re doing well for yourself if you’re scoring sponsorships and collaborations.

Jade assumes this is where their curiosity ends. He’s never really understood the appeal of idols. He’s aware that music is made of many varieties and genres and that it often brings people together, much like delicious food, but he has no interest in idol culture. It’s never stuck with him. He will admit that you’re definitely a nice sight, but that’s as far as his opinion goes.

Floyd, on the other hand, is absolutely hooked. He hyperfixates on you almost immediately as he immerses himself in every detail he can find about you online. He watches videos of past concerts, interviews, and music/lyric videos of your songs for as long as his attention will hold. He scrolls through all of your socials, drinking in every photo and selfie you’ve posted—occasionally reading the captions and comments to get a taste of your personality and your fanbase. The amount of gross people who call you adorable nicknames and ask you to spare them a glance… Yikes. Now that’s really hard to read.

Truthfully, he was expecting to find ridicule in your profession; he thought it would be annoying and stupid and he’d hate it and he’d never want to see those sneakers or your face again. But he doesn’t hate it. He loves it, so much so that Jade and Azul have caught him humming your songs whenever he’s lost in his own world.

And it isn’t long before Jade’s curiosity is piqued once again and he falls down the same rabbit hole Floyd did. Only Jade is more meticulous with his search. Whereas Floyd tore through every bit of content containing you, devouring it with an insatiable appetite, Jade peruses it as if he has all the time in the world, savoring images of you as if they’re fine wine. He categorizes his favorite articles and videos, linking each of them in the notes app on his phone. He essentially creates an entire profile for you, where he details all sorts of facts about you. Like Floyd he also wants to know everything about you, so he’ll spend hours late into the night researching you, digesting the information he finds and then immediately looking for more to add to your profile.

His search leads him to a very fortuitous piece of information. According to the most recent post on your socials, you’ll be going on tour. Jade reads through the dates and locations and is pleasantly surprised to find the Coral Sea as one of the tour destinations. What are the odds! Jade wakes Floyd at once, proudly showing him the post. It energizes Floyd immediately, his bad mood ebbing away into childish glee as he grabs his twin’s phone and stares so intently at the screen as if he’s trying to determine whether or not this is a dream.

Well, now they must make plans to attend this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It falls in the middle of their spring break; the timing couldn’t be better! And once tickets go on sale, Jade and Floyd are the first to snag two. It will be their first time attending a concert and it brings them back to the days where they played in their little band with Azul.

In the weeks leading up to spring break, the twins are very motivated. It’s almost unnerving how much effort they put into their work and studies, as if doing well will somehow please the idol they’ve started worshipping. And maybe it will. It’s encouraging to think about it in that way—that every high score, every successful deal at the Lounge, every fulfilling day will impress you. And when you’re the one cheering for them through the tiny screens of their phones, they feel as if they can accomplish anything.

It’s unhealthy. Maybe they’re aware of that when they find themselves stalking your socials, occasionally refreshing the site in case you’ve shared a new post. They want to be the first to see it, the first to like it, the first to save it to a very special folder that’s littered with pictures of you they gathered from a slew of various online sources. And on the days that you don’t post or do much at all on any of your platforms, they feel so weary and depressed. It’s as if their mood depends solely on whether or not you grace them with your online presence.

Aside from your life as an idol, what little information they could dig up about your private life makes you all the more appealing. You’re so sweet and modest, always remaining humble despite the fame. They learn who your friends and family are quickly. What’s great about the internet is that it’s easy to connect every looping string and dot until they’ve made note of every account that serves some sort of importance to you. Every connection is put aside for later use.

When spring break finally arrives, they’re overjoyed at the prospect of being able to return home to see you. It’s not often human artists tour in the Coral Sea, so it’s really amazing that you’re doing this. That’s what makes you so special and wonderful! Azul’s practically sick of their enthusiasm as the three of them depart through the mirror. He claimed to want no part in the concert and that he couldn’t see the appeal in spending hundreds of well-earned Madol on merchandise and other goods for the sake of ‘love and support.’ Leave it to the scammer to recognize the con. Not only are the twins dedicating so much time and devotion to you, they’re also willing to spend lots of money on anything related to you. The will of the fan is indeed strong…

The twins are more than happy to go without Azul, and after mentioning it to their father, who seems to approve of it, he pulls a few strings to allow his beloved boys a chance to meet you one-on-one. No lines. No crowds. No VIP passes needed. It’s wonderful what power, influence, and wealth can get you if you tug at the right strings.

They just can’t wait. Floyd wants to wrap himself around you and squeeze you! Not until you pass out, of course. You’re his favorite human idol. He doesn’t want to hurt you…not yet, at least. And Jade really wants to have a nice conversation with you—wants to truly bond with you and maybe even hug you himself. His heart is uncharacteristically giddy as the day draws near. Floyd’s gotten more restless, too, twisting in his sleep nonstop. It seems like they’re both too excited for the concert to even function, and when the day finally dawns all of that excitement multiplies tenfold.

With the help of a potion that allows you to breathe underwater and a few modifications to the stage, equipment, and sound, you’re able to perform a flawless concert. The twins have never understood why fans are often moved to tears when they see and listen to their idols’ performances, but now they can faintly comprehend the gist of it. It really is an emotional moment for those who have waited so long. Surprisingly, you have a lot of fans in the Coral Sea. But it makes sense, especially when you consider just how popular human trinkets are among the sea life.

You’re absolutely breathtaking on the stage as you sing from the bottom of your heart. Every song is so enchanting that they wonder whether or not you’re actually a siren in disguise. If that’s the case, consider themselves thoroughly bewitched. There’s just something about you that’s so…you. And they both realize that, as the concert reaches its finale, the admiration they feel for you goes beyond that of a fan’s love. It isn’t even love. It’s obsession, twisted and spiraling. As dark and deep as the ocean itself.

They want you. You, you, you. Every part of you. From your voice, to your body, to your amazing talents. If you were theirs, you could perform for them and only them. No one else would be permitted to lay eyes on you, lest they have them gouged out for such a grave offense.

The first thought that crosses both of their minds when they see you is that you’re so small compared to them. Floyd swims up to you, arms outstretched excitedly. You welcome the hug with a bright smile, but Jade’s more aware of the security and the way they watch with laser focus, ready to intervene should Floyd prove to be a threat. And Jade can only hope that Floyd will behave.

“You’re so cute up close! Like a tiny, colorful fishy.” Floyd pinches your cheek in a way that’s meant to be endearing. Jade catches the poorly concealed grimace and he stifles a sigh. “Oh! My name is Floyd and this is Jade.”

You gaze at Jade with what he thinks is fondness. “It’s nice to meet the both of you! I hear you’re fans of my work.”

“We are.” It’s not often he feels shy or flustered, but now that he’s actually in front of you, hearing your voice and speaking to you… It’s a lot to process. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Floyd smiles a broad, toothy grin and you admire his teeth for a second. Before he or Jade can comment, you’re wriggling out of Floyd’s tail and reaching for laminated sheets of paper.

“I wanted to write the both of you special letters because I had heard that you’re both important guests. It wouldn’t be very welcoming or polite if I couldn’t provide you with a gift. Please consider it a token of my gratitude. I can’t thank you enough for your love and support.”

You’re too precious. Jade skims through his letter and finds that it really is personalized. You took the time to hand-write every letter. Even your signature is signed in swirling ink and it’s something he wishes he could tattoo on his body, if only to have a piece of you on him at all times.

“Ooh, look at this.” Floyd whistles as he observes the document. “Hey, Jade, isn’t this really thoughtful? It’s a shame we didn’t prepare any gifts…”

“Indeed.” He shares a covert smile with his twin, something that goes unnoticed by you. Jade reminds himself of the security that loom nearby and he realizes he can’t exactly do anything with them here.

Well. He could. Both of them could. Their father could easily pay whatever price falls their way. If he wanted to, he could probably buy ownership of your company and then you’d belong to Jade and Floyd. The thought has his body temperature rising. He’s certain Floyd’s having similar thoughts because he spies his twin’s tongue as it darts out to wet his lips.

“Oh, there’s no need! Meeting the both of you is more than enough, so please don’t worry about preparing anything.” Your innocent expression is almost too much to bear. He wonders how it might look with tears streaking down your cheeks, face scrunched in pain or pleasure—or perhaps both—as you’re devoured by the both of them.

Not in a literal sense. But maybe—just maybe—if given the chance they might sample you, your blood, your soul. Your everything. A small bite, really. Who can blame them? You’re too adorably vulnerable to resist, after all.

Perhaps their father ought to ready his checkbook, for he’ll be needing it if he intends to play damage control with hush money.

[olderthannetfic]

Re: DNIs WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree DNIs are terrible. But for multiple reasons beyond 'no one sees it'.

Even ignoring the fact that 90% of the DNI criteria is either 'people who would never respect a DNI', 'people who wouldnt count themselves as in the x-ist category of a DNI', or 'wibbly vague criteria that means whatever the creator wants it to mean at any given time';

If their purpose was to be sure someone saw their boundaries before they interacted, theyd put it at the bottom of every spreadable article of theirs or not use a site that their content can be spread outside of their control, which they arent.

If they really needed certain groups to not interact with them, social media like tumblr isnt the site for them. Twitter most certainly is not the site for them (unless they go private and stay that way). But knowing that its totally out of their control they have DNIs that imply they need boundaries the site and site culture cant provide they use them anyway and seemingly ONLY use them there.

By the very fact that no one in their right mind is going to open a blog and try to locate their unmarked dni page thats often like 1k words in the most ugly unreadable color and font combo known to man and they know this because I can GUARANTEE they aint doing it themselves, they demonstrate that its not that they are big on boundaries because they arent hypercareful with everyone elses- just with theirs.

If they just needed a list for follows, they would have a BYF that states who they would prefer following them on that platform and what people need to know about their opinions or blog topics and can give the same social clout of flashing your opinions for likeminded people that DNIs do.

The only reasons left for people(besides 'thats what everyone else is making- a list of people they dont like') to use a DNI on a postsharing socmed that doesnt coat all their posts are 1- sowing a performative message that you are The Most Pure So Much So That You Dont Allow The Unpure To Touch You or 2- that in many circles violating boundaries (like DNIs) gives people the license to harass that person.

This is the primary reason, I feel, that many people, esp antis have a DNI then interact with people on their DNI. I have seen it so many times at this point its not even funny. Someone has their dni buried in their desktop only tumblr theme without indicating they have one, some rando reblogs a post with thousands of notes and then they get a public callout for being a evil boundary violator for not knowing about the DNI. Someone gets a hate comment on their post so they reply and get yelled at for interacting with somoene who interacted with them first. Someone gets a callout on twitter for leaving a positive comment on an a03 fic because the person didnt go to their profile first and follow the link to twitter then their carrd then to the dni there.

If people wanted a nice list of opinions, theyd call it 'opinions'. If they wanted to control who interacts with them because they really have serious triggers theyd go private or migrate somewhere else. If people really needed people to see their boundaries theyd put it on their posts. If they wanted to control who follows them loosely and dont care about reblogs and such, theyd have a BYF not a DNI.

But they dont. So its not about that. If it was, theyd be doing those other things. But they arent.

Its gotten to the point that DNIs are a strong yellow flag in people I dont already know because so many people I do know have gotten harassed with them.

--

Yup.

[sandsunseagrapes]

thoughts on “kathani” sharma

i wanna start this off by saying I am a fan of the Bridgerton books and show (to varying degrees) and as such it is my duty to remain critical of them as works. i obviously like the media since i interact with it, so let’s treat that as a given for the remainder of this post.

i am also a white, female-presenting (not identifying, but i benefit from white womanhood in public so it’s only fair to mention) american of mixed european/indigenous Mexica ancestry but i am culturally white american, is my point. please take everything i say with a grain of salt and believe me when i say i am not trying to speak for Tamils, Hindus, or any South Asians who may see themselves in the show. do not allow me to take anything away from you if you see yourself in Simone, Charithra, or Shelley’s characters. if you don’t want to be a little mad at least by the end of this post, please don’t read it! it’s not like i can or want to speak for you or your interpretation of the show ❤️❤️ (that’s why i didn’t want to tag this under the characters, so South Asian fans who really do enjoy the show’s interpretation don’t have to put up with my longass rant. please, if you reblog this, don’t tag it under anything other than the main #bridgerton tag)

[TLDR: i won’t touch on representation per se, but i believe i can confidently say the shallowest of research went into building the story of the Sharma heritage and that embarrasses me as a white fan and person because it implies the creators** didn’t care enough to build a cohesive cultural narrative for their Indian characters – and specifically my beloved Kate.]

alright, let’s get into it:

when i first watched s2ep8 and heard Anthony use the name “kathani,” the first and only character to ever utter it, i thought it was beautiful. i thought, wow, i’m so glad the creators gave Kate an Indian name – they acknowledged that calling the character Kate was a nickname and she actually had a culturally significant name!

i was wrong.

i’m writing a fanwork for kathony right now and as such, i wanted to do my research. i had seen (i can’t find it now but i will link it later if/when i come across it again) a post calling the show out for their treatment of the ethnic backgrounds of the Sharma-Sheffield-? family (i’m talking about Kate, Edwina, Mary, Kate’s unnamed Indian father and unnamed Indian mother here).

the name “kathani,” as far as i could tell, was completely made up by the show. sure, CVD (chris van dusen, showrunner) says in this interview w teen vogue that they “fell in love with the literal translation of the name” and the article even cites a name website. kudos to TV for giving us the exact place on the internet they pulled the name from.

 this is the only one of two baby name websites on the whole damn internet i could find that claims that “kathani” is an Indian name of any kind. the one linked above says it’s a Tamil name, while this one says it’s Hindi and means something different.

alright so they’re baby name websites, they’re not the most reliable. none of the many sites i checked have sources listed, so they should be taken with a grain of salt regardless of what they say.

so i went over to reddit, and shoutout to everyone on this post for having the exact conversation i was hoping to find. although not everyone made an explicit claim of Indian/Tamil/Hindi/South Asian heritage and it is the internet, i especially appreciated the comments from a few. their perspectives were valuable and led me to research what they each said. i’ll paraphrase below.

(note: when i say these users claimed something, i don’t mean to call their identities into question. i am taking their statements in good faith. i only mean that i cannot provide evidence as i am in other instances because i’m not about to invade anyone’s privacy like that.)

one commenter said the name “kathani” confused them and suggested that the name “Kathyayani” would have made more sense, being an actual name. it is the name of a powerful female figure in Hinduism and would have suited Simone’s character beautifully, i must agree.

another flat-out said that they had never heard the name before. i took the implication of this statement to mean they are of South Asian heritage. they also said that “kathani” is a word meaning something akin to “hearsay” in Hindi. which. not a very nice thing to name someone after, i think. (a direct translation tells us the word means “story,” but i have included this comment since i think it provides valuable context that can’t be gleaned from an algorithmic translator, which seems to me where the website CVD/TV reference got the meaning from. i can’t prove this obviously since the baby name website has no sources!)

my favorite commenter said they had spent a lot of time in North India and not heard of the name before. this is important because the name Sharma can historically be found in the north and has long been associated with a high-ranking caste in Hinduism called the Brahmins. (however it appears in contemporary times, from what i can tell, the name isn’t a strong indicator of origin or social status anymore? again, this is based on crowd-sourced information, not on academic research). the commenter said to them, it seemed like “they just picked... a word that could SOUND Indian [and was reminiscent of the name ‘Kate’].”

another user seemed to agree with the above and suggested another (real) name the show could have picked instead. (they suggested the name “Ketaki,” which is the name of a native flowering tree in many languages used on the Indian Subcontinent.)

so we’ve established the name is of dubious origin at best (remember, i found only two contradictory sources which themselves had no sources listed) and a totally made up name at worst. but why do i think that’s so bad?

well, again, i’m white. but it just seems to me that in writing the story of season 2, they** (i’ll tell you who i mean exactly below) wanted to throw in elements of Indian representation and while that is wonderful and I applaud that, it was handled in a messy, shallow way that hardly added up to a cohesive narrative.

(**i’m talking about people on the bridgerton series who have creative control, namely the writers’ room and showrunner in this particular case. i can’t prove anyone else had a connection to naming the character, and i doubt upper netflix cared enough to intervene so i’m limiting my critique to those people. specifically CVD as showrunner; i don’t work in a writers’ room but i am aware that as showrunner he has the final say and while i can’t speak to the power dynamics personally, i’m sure that affected the naming process in some way. if you can call it such; it seems so frustratingly all over the literal damn place.

i did some digging on the writers of s2 and from what i could tell, there was only one Indian voice in the room. of the ten writers i could find easily accessible public info on, only Geetika Lizardi is of Indian heritage. most everyone else is a white American woman, i think; one experienced writer on the show appears to be of East Asian descent and another of African-American descent. this was all done based on pictures i could find on IMDb/twitter and inferences based on their names because i didn’t want to dig any further than that. i’m not linking their IMDBs or twitters here because I think it would be weird and gross for me to directly connect these real people to my fandom rant. if you want to look them all up, be my guest. the only relevant information here is really that Ms. Lizardi was, again, the sole Indian voice.

let me stress something: this doesn’t mean I don’t think non-Indian people can write Indian characters. my fanwork is partially narrated from the POVs of Edwina and Mary Sharma, so i’d be a fucking hypocrite if i did say that. and besides, I’m not writing about them being Indian. I cannot speak on that topic since I’m not Indian. I can write them as Indian though by doing my due diligence and researching various topics about Indian history and its many cultures to include in their stories.

I don’t mean to criticize any of the creators on this particular point. i don’t think they set out to write a story about what it was like to be an Indian woman in Regency England; the liberties the show has taken with history and race specifically are for another post. i think rather that they wanted to include several Indian characters in a story about Regency England and that is lovely, no matter what else i say here.)

back to the messiness of the Sharma heritage.

now, granted, CVD acknowledges the Sharma family is “pan-Indian,” as the TV reporter calls it. he even claims this was on purpose because the family “[travelled so much in India]” and that “[the Sharma heritage was deliberately treated as] a combination of cultures.”

respectfully, what the fuck is that? their last name is historically North Indian and very meaningful in Hinduism; Kate’s “full name” is not culturally significant; and i’m not even going to get into the fact that “bon” and “didi” are from TWO different cultures.

actually fuck that, i am. Anoushka Sinha’s article for Digital Media Talkies’ site and Kamala Thiagarajan’s article for NPR Media both point out how “bon” (or “bone,” depending on the translation, i believe) is of Bengali origin, while “didi” stems from the north and is tied most closely with the Hindi language. (oh and ‘appa,’ which both Sharma girls use as a paternal moniker? that’s Tamil. ‘amma,’ as kate refers to her deceased mother, is also Tamil. at least that’s consistent – although again, Mr. Unnamed Indian Father Sharma’s last name is Hindu. Sinha and Thiagarajan both touch on these inconsistencies.)

(the “pan-Indian” comment just reads as tone-deaf to me. i mean, bridgerton acknowledges racial history in the show – it’s not colorblind. so, we have to assume colonialism is a thing... right? English colonialism truthfully beget the Indian nationalist movement because... oh yeah, because they were the oppressors! so multiple ethnic communities in India found a reason to unite! what a bizarre way to spin a meaningless stance. looking at you, CVD.)

i’m not saying multi-cultural families don’t exist, and certainly in a multi-cultural society as rich and complex as the Indian subcontinent’s it is entirely possible to have mixed lineage. i’m saying that the linguistic details (i’m not educated enough on costuming or set design to speak to any of that), the details meant to enrich the Sharmas’ inner familial lives, the ones we’re supposed to hear and think of as so sweet, such beautiful homages to a vibrant, unique part of the world, those details (‘kathani,’ ‘bon,’ ‘didi,’ ‘appa,’ ‘amma’) were essentially pulled out of a hat.

why would two sisters call each other pet names in two different languages? does that mean they’re Bengali-Tamil-Hindu-Maharathi (because they’re supposedly from Mumbai, then called bombay, located in the state of Maharashtra. i mean, i guess since i’m supposed to be doing this in good faith, i’ll allow the creators that license since Mr. Sharma supposedly worked for a royal family and those are probably the type of employers for whom you’d move your family across the country)? it just doesn’t make sense. why would they refer to their father in another language? (what does Edwina even call Mary, does anyone know?)

if they really wanted us to believe the Sharma family was multicultural to that extent, couldn’t we have had at least one exchange along the lines of:

hey i heard you call your sister [bon/didi], what does it mean?

and then Kate/Edwina says “oh that just means little/big sister and I use Bengali and she uses Hindu as a joke because our appa taught us so many languages!” i’m asking for a crumb of sense here.

like that could’ve been it. a flimsy little joke to show that there was some connection between all these cultural jigsaw pieces. (not treating the pieces as the joke but rather the mishmash. it’s like using pieces from different puzzles and pretending it’s a picture at the end.)

South Asian representation in Hollywood needs to improve across the board, and this is still a step in the right direction, IMO. i want to also stress that the show cast not one but two dark-skinned actresses of Indian heritage (they’re actually both ethnically Tamil, from what the wikipedia entries on Simone and Charithra say). and that is really cool.

that’s actual groundbreaking stuff, putting dark-skinned women at the center of a love story where their skin-tone doesn’t make a lick of difference. (again, racial politics in bridgerton the show are a different post i’ll make another day.) i’ve read so many comments on here and reddit about Tamil and darker-skinned South Asian women feeling so seen and celebrated by that and it makes me want to cry, i’m so happy for them.

i like the show, i really do. i just didn’t want to contribute fanwork to this fandom and specifically the kathony ship without doing my research about what that post i mentioned up at the top said. i can understand where the show was coming from, i suppose, trying to represent Indian women. but India isn’t a monolithic society and treating the cultures within it as... interchangeable really bothered me.

i wouldn’t like people mixing up my traditional Mexican* lineage by saying i was Mayan (when i say “traditional Mexican” i mean the Mexica people of central present-day Mexico, also called the Aztecs. except they didn’t call themselves Aztecs – my colonial spanish ancestors did that.) just because they are from the same region doesn’t make them interchangeable.

if you made it to the end of this, you’re insane for thinking about the show this much. except... shouldn’t we? i’m a fan, i want to engage with the source material, the screen adaptation, the fandom. i just want to do so respectfully and thoughtfully. i’m really grateful to that person who wrote the post that kicked off my doubts about the linguistic inconsistencies because they made me think critically, whereas i was originally willing to take the show at face value.

shoutout to all the South Asian fans of bridgerton and kathony specifically for contributing your valuable insight, here on tumblr and across the internet. this has been a valuable learning opportunity for me. i am so excited to continue working on my fanfic and exploring Kate and Anthony’s story. i hope whatever cultural elements i end up incorporating are ultimately kind, thoughtful, and respectful. i can only hope you help to hold me accountable, dear reader.

[salsa-and-light]

"No way in hell am I reading that novel length comment"

It's a heck of a lot shorter than all those articles you linked.

But then I guess you didn't read those either.

I summarized a whole lot of information for you, if you had bothered to read them in the first place then there wouldn't be so much [heavily abridged] information for you to read now. Maybe there's a lesson there.

You're whining, it's too much, I assume you're grown- move on.

"and the fact that you managed to completely miss the point and move the goal posts of the discussion with your very first attempt at debunking the sources"

So in ‘Porn Disguised as Education’: Parents Upset by Books Pulled for Review. I didn't address the relevant claims⸮

It not porn and it never pretends to be education, and thus there is no need for concern.

That's the point of the article, asked and answered.

If that's not the point you wanted to address, then you shouldn't have linked it.

Either way, reading the article would have prevented this.

"debunking the sources does not give you much credibility going forward and I am not about to spend my time correcting every single point"

This is a run on sentence beyond clarity.

I addressed the concerns presented in the article, either it is relevant to your concerns or you were wrong to bring them up.

Not my problem.

If you don't like that your sources are bad, that is also your fault.

"because you obviously don't understand what discussion we're having."

Oh look a period.

Darling, you're the one on trial. You're the one spreading homophobic rhetoric.

If you want to prove that there's porn then it might be helpful to show some proof of porn.

I'm not going to believe you ~just because~

"If you are able to scroll up to where this began, you will see you made the claim that showing porn to minors wasn't happening and people were just trying to remove queer content from school libraries."

Yes, I recall, I do in fact have long-term memory.

And that statement has not been disproven.

In fact, I went through those books, in detail, and none of the books listed were porn. Which you would know, if you read any of it.

All that you've proven is that you don't even know the content of the issue you have such strong opinions about,

That or you think mentions and discussions of sex are equivalent to pornography.

Which, as sad as that is, is not my problem; nor is it society's responsibility to coddle you.

"Facts don't care about your feelings", "life is not a safe space" and all that jazz.

"I don't know what makes you think if you can debunk the title of the first source I shared that said "porn disguised as education" and show it wasn't being used as education that it's debunking the claim we were actually discussing."

You mean this?

"which is rather funny because it's a fiction book which is not a part of any curriculum, there is no pretense that it is ecuational apart from the general edification of literature."

Sorry, if you didn't want me to talk about how wrong the article is, then you shouldn't have told me to read the article.

Once again, if you had bothered to read you might know what you're talking about

Because in response to the text of the book I specifically said this:

"This is objectively not pornography. Alluding to the existence or occurrence of a sexual act is not pornography. This particular instance is not even explicit enough to depict oral sex unless someone already knows about it."

So no, it's not education, but it's also, more importantly, not porn.

Which was your original implied claim.

The article makes two claims, both are wrong, I'm going to mention both because you clearly haven't examined the truthfulness of your sources.

What's not clicking here?

"I would hope you would have enough sense to understand that being part of an education curriculum is completely irrelevant to this discussion."

It's not irrelevant but it also wasn't my point.

My point was that it's not porn, and it's thus not a problem,

As a secondary point, if it's not mandatory reading then anyone who wants to avoid it can do exactly that.

No one in that school is reading Lawn Boy against their will.

Meaning, that not only is it not a form of the original problem you were worried about[porn] but it's also not anything that anyone has to interact with unless they specifically -want-to-.

Which means that it's two layers of irrelevancy from mattering to you or any other censorship fanatics.

"It doesn't matter if it's being used as education or not because that material shouldn't be available in a school at all. Period."

If it were porn, sure, but it's not.

Which you would know-

if you read anything.

Are you noticing a theme⸮ Because you're not reading. you're arguing about ~nothing~, with ~no-one~

I know I said I was sick at home and I had the time, but boy, no one is paying me to teach you reading, I taught middle schoolers to avoid that.

So let's cut to the chase,

You either A:

don't have a clue what you're talking about and you're just angry because someone convinced you that people are putting porn in libraries and you believed them without proof,

or B:

You're playing dumb on purpose and you don't actually care if there's porn because you want to ban things regardless.

In the case of the former, you are dangerous pack animal, and in the case of the latter you're a dangerous authoritarian.

Because there is still no proof that there is anything to be worried about and yet you are still advocating censorship and pushing harmful rhetoric.

I can guess at the reasons, puritan ideals of modesty.. Christo-Aristotelian ideas of the body as base and the soul as pure.. most probably some sort of second-hand purity culture, but ultimately it's irrelevant.

You are pushing ideas that will hurt people, which will kill people.

And given how little you seem to know about the topic, and how petulant you are at the prospect of learning, I suspect that you are dangerously unaware of that.

"but if you can't even remember what the claim you made was and what I was giving you evidence for then I'm not going to have this decision with you."

You mean "discussion"?

I shouldn't pick, you obviously haven't thought this through so why should I expect you to look at what you wrote for more than the ten seconds that you took to type it out.

"That's a lot of work for me to do when you don't have the decency to follow the conversation."

Whine about it then, cry about it then, I don't caaarre, put up or shut up.

You could have saved yourself a lot of work if you had bothered to read the articles or if you had bothered to read anything I said about them.

But you refused and now we're here.

Remember when you accused me of willful ignorance? And yet here we are.

If you want to say stupid bigoted things on the internet, be prepared to be made fun of.

If you want your ideas to be taken seriously, know what you're talking about and then put some effort into not being an asshole.

I know that reading isn't your forte but consider reading this, It's Aesop's for children so it shouldn't be too difficult.

If indeed your behavior is indicative that you've lived most of your life without consequences then yippee for you, but I'm not your mom and as I've already said, I'm not being paid to be your teacher.

You are not entitled to my trust or my respect, you're only entitled the dignity of your humanity and frankly you're abusing the privilege.

"I'm not going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and read your comment when you start off by moving the goalposts."

You don't know what that means hon'.

Me not accepting your unproven claims of pornography is not moving the goalposts. The goal-posts are the same, I want proof. You just want me to give you points even though you kicked the ball in the opposite direction.

I asked for proof of pornography in high-school libraries, you showed me proof of homophobic intent to censor.

You are moving backwards.

I don't know what's not clicking here. -Frankly the most intriguing question I have now is how you think you've proved something.

You want me to pretend that you're talking about pornography when half the time you were talking about sex-ed books.

I'm not going to do that; I don't have any reason to trust you especially when you started this thread with homophobia and you've been acting badly ever since.

So my original question remains, why should I believe you.

Look inward, may you and only you suffer the consequences of your actions.

Pip pip.

I don’t know guys maybe there should be a don’t say gay bill since gay sex is apparently all the left wants to talk to children about.

[the-witty-pen-name]

The Nanny Pt. 3

Lee Bodecker x Nanny!F!Reader

18+

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: alcohol/drinking, food, corrupt cop, mentions of prostitution/smut, implied age gap (reader is in her 20s), cursing, mentions of serial killers/murder, mutual pining, 

Summary:

Based on this Request: The reader moves to Meade/Knockemstiff while answering an advertisement for a nanny in the paper. We learn that the ad was posted by Sandy, who has the reader watch her child whenever she and Carl leave to do their secret thing. After one of these trips, Sandy and her husband never return, so the reader is left caring for their baby. With the new investigation into these events, she meets Sandy’s brother Lee, the older, out of shape, alcoholic bachelor, and they are suddenly thrown into each others lives as he begins looking into his sister’s disappearance. Through it all, Lee starts to fall for her, and they slowly become a family.

A/N: I got inspired re-watching one of my favorite shows and I want to know if anyone else gets the reference I’m using! If I missed anything I should include as a warning that I missed please let me know! This is also unedited!

Taglist Form is in my bio!

Series Masterlist

Your shoulders tensed listening to the radio in the morning. Sitting on your ottoman, you were painting your nails, using the coffee table as your nail station. It was a really bright morning, and you had the curtains pulled open to draw in light. Julie frantically rushed between her room and the bathroom getting ready for her shift at the diner. The newest single from The Beach Boys was playing through the little counter top radio, but at the top of the hour, the melodies playing through the speaker changed to the news. The top story of the morning was chilling.

“Jules,” you said, calling her over hesitantly, putting the cap back on the bottle of polish. “Come listen to this.”

She scurried out of her room while working to tie her apron in the back, and then she stood next to where you sat to listen to the story on the news. The color drained from her face as you both listened to the reporter describe the horrific scene that was under investigation early this morning.

Roy Laferty was an evangelical preacher whose body washed up by the lake very early that same morning. The news report talked about the police investigation, and also disclosed his wife Helen, is also reported missing. They are looking into the disappearance of Helen, as well as opening a full investigation on Laferty’s murder. They also urge individuals with any information regarding the two to call the Sheriff’s department and to provide a statement.

“That’s horrifying,” you mumble, shocked as you try to process the news. Julie nods in agreement but strangely doesn’t seem nearly as affected by the news as you.

“It’s happening again,” she mutters, obviously concerned but her lack of surprise worries you.

“What do you mean again?” you ask.

“There was a string of unexplained murders, all men, like this newest one,” Julie explained, “This was all over the news like two years ago- can’t believe you hadn’t heard about it.” All you could do was shrug; this was all new to you. “Obviously, there was nothing linking their deaths, but there were these five killings a couple of years ago that are still unsolved. There’s no evidence, but the town rumors it was like a serial killer or something. Nothing is confirmed, of course, just a story.”

“What makes people think it was all the same person?” you ask, hesitantly.

“All the people were always the same type,” she shrugs, “Men all in their 20s and 30s. Again, there’s nothing linking them all together. It’s just talk.”

You clicked off the radio, and didn’t know what to do with yourself. Julie patted your shoulder, comfortingly but she had to go on with her day. So did you, and you almost her ability to move about the apartment almost unfazed by the news. You suppose it makes sense, her growing up here she’s probably used to it. You didn’t have the experience or the thick skin she had.

You had decided to go to the library, still preoccupied by the news segment as well as the things Julie had told you about the Sheriff. You spent the better half of the morning looking at the library’s archives of old newspapers. You wanted to read more about the unsolved cases Julie had told you about, so there you sat for several hours looking through the microfilm reader. You even stumbled upon articles that featured the Sheriff.

There he was plain as day on the front page when it was announced he had won the election the first time he ran several years back. You couldn’t help but notice the changes in his appearance and demeanor compared to the man you keep running into. He was a little slimmer, and he looked a lot happier, a little fuller of life, you decided was a good way to explain it. His smile was wider, and you could see the difference in his eyes as well. It was seeing how he was before the stress of the job began to take its heavy toll. He had on the same leather jacket as well, you were fairly certain, even though the one in the photograph hung a little looser.

You continued to skim through articles, piecing your way through the history of Knockemstiff. Little articles in black and white that persevered the history of this dark little town. You were beginning to realize this backwater town was a lot more tangled and complex than you originally believed. It was a tangled history, riddled with crime and unclosed cases, that people seem to have either forgotten or choose to ignore for their own sake. Your mind wandered back to the things Julie had told you about the Sheriff and him being corrupt. You wonder how much of what you read about linked back to him. Though you imagine if he has any sort of political connection, which a man like him must have, the things he was involved in probably didn’t even make it into the paper. The thought made you physically shiver.

You put the large leather portfolios of archives you took and put them back into their proper place on the self chronologically. You grabbed your sweater from the back of your chair, and pushed the chair back into place. Looking up at the clock on the wall, it was only just one in the afternoon. You decided to head down to the diner and grab a bite, and also visit Julie during her second shift. It was a short walk from the library to the diner. Everywhere felt like a short walk here, probably because everything in downtown was not much bigger than a few blocks. The majority of people lived far from the center of town, on their own land and farms.

The little bell on the door rang when you stepped in and Julie waved at you from behind the counter and pointed for you to grab an empty table in her section. You put your bag on the table and took a seat. It was a fairly busy time, most people who worked at the surrounding businesses coming in for their lunch break. Julie brought you over a coffee and then said she’d be back to chat when she got to take her five.

Lee hadn’t been able to go home since the phone call. The symptoms of his hangover were worsening and he was growing more irritable. His five o’clock shadow was still evident on his tired face and his head was pounding. He tried his best to just power through it but the sound of anyone trying to talk to him just made his ears ring.

After leaving the scene, he had to stop by his office and then he was on the phone for the better part of an hour fielding calls from frantic citizens not only of Knockemstiff but also Meade, where Laferty was from. Despite how horribly he felt, he tried his best to keep his temper level and just reassure people he had things under control. He was losing his patience.

He opened up his desk drawer and grabbed his bottle of asprin. Empty. He threw it into the small waste bin and got up abruptly grabbing his jacket off the hook and storming out. He didn’t tell anyone he was leaving and he didn’t care. It was a short walk to the drugstore from the station and he wouldn’t be five minutes. He just needed to do something to stop his head from hurting.

“Afternoon, Sheriff,” the pharmacist greeted when he walked in. He nodded his head upwards briefly to reply without having to talk. He just needed to get in and out. She went back to whatever she was working on when he came in, and he browsed the aisles for what he needed. After paying and walking out, he glanced in the direction of the diner when he was crossing the street. There you were, again. Sitting alone and chatting with the waitress that was refilling your coffee.

He let out a heavy sigh, and then continued walking. He didn’t want you to see him like this, hungover, unshaved, wrinkled uniform and heavy undereye bags from his lack of sleep. You looked- well, Lee thought you were the prettiest thing he’s seen in a while, maybe ever. There was something about you he couldn’t pinpoint. Maybe it was just because you weren’t from here. You were a fresh face, and not ruined by this town. There was a sweetness and an innocence in how you talked to him, because you didn’t know him like the rest of people here did. He liked that.

Even when he left the station for the day, he couldn’t even go home yet. He had a meeting at the bar with one of Brown’s lackeys. He was just supposed to collect his cut so he couldn’t imagine it would take long, but he was still annoyed. Stepping into the bar he looked around as he took off his hat. It was a little more crowded tonight then when he was here last. The red curtain was closed and his eyes lingered there for a moment before directing his attention to the man he recognized who was waving him over.

“Sheriff,” the man greets and Lee slides into the booth across from him.

“Hayward,” he replies. Without even needing to order, the bartender comes over bringing them a bottle of scotch and two glasses.

“You ever go back there?” Hayward asks, watching as a girl came out and brought a man behind the curtain who had been waiting at the bar.

“No,” Lee scoffs.

“They are amazing,” Hayward says, almost giddy. Lee feels sympathy towards the poor woman who had to take care of him. Lee doesn’t acknowledge the statement and just empties his glass and begins to pour himself a second.

“So, my cut?” Lee asks. Hayward frowns and goes into the breast pocket of his sports coat and pulls out an envelope of cash.

“You aren’t getting full,” the man says when Lee cocks a brow at the thinness of the envelope.

“Still?” Lee asks, pissed. Hayward nods. Lee’s jaw clenches.

“You didn’t keep things tidy on your end,” Hayward reminds him, “You got one job. Keep the cops out of our territory. We had two cruisers drive through last week. The only reason you’re getting anything at all is cause you managed to keep your people off us when we did the exchange with Deckard’s crew.”

The man finishes his drink, and then slaps the empty glass on the table. He pulls out his own envelope, which is much thicker than Lee’s and drops down more than enough for the drinks. He chuckles condescendingly and tells the Sheriff to get a dance. Fuck that. Lee takes the extra money and plans to just put it right in his pocket and go home. He finishes his third scotch and suddenly his headache was back. He felt worse than he did earlier today.

“What can I do for you, Sheriff?” a feminine voice asks, making him break his line of thought. He looks to his side and he recognizes her as one of the girls he sees bringing men to the back room, behind the velvet curtain. He shakes his head, and instead of leaving him alone, she slides into the booth next to him. Her hand grazes over his thigh. “You seem awful tense, Sheriff,” she says and then bites her lip.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted. He knows she doesn’t actually want him, and it’s just an attempt to get him to spend money in the backroom. If he doesn’t focus his already hazing vision, maybe she could vaguely remind him of you. He can’t do it, but he wants to. Her hand moves up his leg and he pulls away. He adjusts his pants and she shrugs.

“Maybe next time then,” she winks before walking away. He rests his head back on the vinyl seat and sighs. He grabs his hat and jacket, leaving before he changes his mind. “Ask for Cherry when you come in, yeah?” she calls when he walks out.

You are just everywhere. You’re in his head and he doesn’t even know you. He needs to sleep, desperately, and part of him in the back of his mind hopes you’ll be there. When he wakes up, he doesn’t remember.

“Have you heard about the Church fundraiser coming up?” Julie asks. You shake your head. “It’s a pretty big deal here. Everyone participates.”

“What is it?” you ask, kicking off your slippers so you can sit crisscross on the couch.

“Bid-On-A-Basket,” she says casually, like it’s the most obvious thing.

“Never heard of it,” you reply, “It sounds fun. What is it?”

“All us single gals put together a picnic basket with everything for a lunch,” she explains, “and then all the eligible bachelors bid on the basket and a date with the girl who made it. Last year, the dreamiest guy, Bill Whittier, bought mine- it’s so fun. Me and Bill didn’t work out but it was a good time.”

“I don’t know anyone here,” you say hesitantly.

“Perfect way to get a date then,” she teases. You bite your lip. You aren’t sure about this.

“And what if some creep is the highest bidder?” you counter.

“You get a bad date story for your next date?” she poses. “Please,” she begs, “It’s for a good cause, all the money this year is going to help the Sunday school.”

“What if no one bids on it?” You rebut.

“Look at yourself,” she scoffs, “you’ll get bids. Trust me.” You roll your eyes.

“I’ll think about it,” you say finally. She smirks, completely planning to wear you down.

“Remember it’s for the kids,” she reasons, “It wouldn’t hurt to go and participate.”

“I said I’ll think about it,” you laugh.

Time passes and soon enough you get another call from Sandy, and you are suddenly back to taking care of Valerie. You had missed her, a lot actually. You definitely have gotten attached to her, and you think you’ve grown on her too. Sandy was vague this time for how long they’d be gone, but since the previous time went so smoothly, you didn’t worry about it.

About a week after Sandy and Carl left this time, there was another disturbing news report. You were sitting on the floor, changing Valerie and you had the television playing softly in the background. The news told the story of another body, this time found in the woods off of the highway. You finish changing the baby and hold her close, her little chin resting on your shoulder as you watch the news story. It was just like Julie had talked about. Another man, thirty years old. He was shot and his body abandoned. You jump at the knock at the front door.

You peep through the curtains, and you see the Sheriff waiting on the front porch. You wonder if he knows you’re there. Part of you almost wishes he knows it you here and he wanted to see you. It’s incredibly stupid on your part and you know better, but nonetheless, part of you hoped he came here for you. Very stupid. With Valerie on your hip, you open the door.

“I’m sorry, darling,” he says walking into the house. He stops in front of you and presses a kiss to Valerie’s forehead and she squeals happily seeing Lee. You close the door with your foot. “May I?” he asks, and opens his arms. You agree, based on Valerie’s reactions to him whenever she sees him. He takes her in his arms, and she starts playing with his tie. He loosens it so she can play with it and not choke him.

“What can I do for you, Sheriff?” you ask. He reacts in a way in a way you can’t really read, but you don’t press.

His mind just goes back to the woman a couple weeks back in the brothel who asked him the same thing, and that his mind immediately had gone to you. He just clears his throat and snaps himself out of that thought process.

“Um, I just came by to see Sandy,” he says, “But I can fathom a guess that she’s not here?”

“Excellent deduction,” you joke, and he smirks. Valerie has his tie in her mouth and is covering it in drool. He doesn’t even seem to care.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and you nod. “You looked a little scared when you answered.”

“Just watching the news before you showed up is all,” you explain, “They were talking about how there was another man found dead.”

“Ain’t got nothing to worry about,” he says, “We’re on top of it. I’m on my way over there now.”

“Can I ask you something?” you ask hesitantly.

“Of course, darling.”

“My friend, you probably know her- Julie Grady.”

“Yeah, nice kid,” he says, listening but gently pulling his tie from Valerie’s grasp. She starts playing with the flap of the pocket of his jacket.

Kid. You almost grimace. That’s right. Of course, Lee would view someone your age that way. You weren’t. You chastise yourself for even caring, but you decide to continue. You shouldn’t care how he sees you.

“Yeah- well, she told me there have been others,” you continue, “I also read up about it, just the newspapers at the library- but she said people thought it was some kind of serial killer… I just, I want to know what you think.”

“I don’t think know,” he answers honestly, a little taken aback, not expecting you to approach him with something this serious. “I doubt it,” he explains, “Serial killers stay close to home. Now those cases you read about, and these two we are looking at- they sound close together but logistically, they aren’t really. Two of those unsolved were in completely different states- just like this new one.”

“So, no traveling serial killer?” you chuckle, trying to sound lighthearted. He chuckles and shakes his head.

“Most people like that stay in one area,” Lee explains, “They work jobs, they have a home, you know? They tend to stay near where they live.”

“That makes me feel much better,” you answer honestly.

“You got nothing to worry about, and that’s a promise,” he grins, although he supposes coming from him that probably doesn’t mean much. Regardless, it makes you smile.

“Are you sure I can’t get you anything?” you offer again. He bites his lip, taking a moment to think.

“Sandy keeps a bag of candy in her cabinet,” he says, walking into the kitchen with you following close behind. He passes Valerie off to you and he chuckles under his breath at the state of his tie. He reaches up in the cabinet and pulls down a brown paper bag, filled with taffies and chocolates.

Something about this man who has a whole time scared of him playing with his niece and then stealing sweets from the cupboard is something you find so strangely endearing. He unwraps one of the brightly colored taffies and then puts the bag in his pocket.

“I gotta go,” he announces, “let me know if you hear from Sandy, yeah?”

“Of course,” you reply.

“Gonna head out to that scene, and do my report,” he discloses, not really sure why he’s telling you. “Then I have a meeting at the rectory about that fundraiser thing. Figure out security.”

“They need security at Bid-On-A-Basket?” you ask, with an eyebrow raised. He smiles.

“You going?” he asks, flirtatiously.

“Just seems weird to have police at a Church thing.”

“There’s been stupid fights,” he shrugs, “some guy will get outbid and cause a fuss. Nothing serious. Probably just gonna be me and a deputy in case. You going?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” you say sheepishly. “Why?”

He walks towards the front door, and you follow seeing him out.

“Cause I gotta know if I’ll be bidding on a basket,” he winks.

“You gonna start a fight if you don’t win it?” you joke.

“If it’s yours? Absolutely, darling.”

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