#try and do some exercises lol

[fatedroses]

Finally I can post the comic for Adventurer!Zenos that has taken hold of my brain for the past week.

AKA a man who is currently running off the fumes of the literal souls of the damned being very desperate to be out of the void he was stuck in (and for the first time actually being able to just enjoy something mundane), only to get absolutely overwhelmed but all the stimuli he had just... ignored until now.

[imadhatt3r]

It's a late Friday evening in Midorijima, and that means that it's time for the weekly Benishigure meetup at the Black Needle. It's always a good opportunity to meet new members, get drunk, and have some fun with the other guys you'd usually miss due to conflicting schedules. Today's meeting is a bit more special- Aoba decided to join in, which he doesn't always do. He's the boss' boyfriend, but he's not officially a member himself- he has, however, gotten close to the gang in the time they've been together, so everyone just treats him like an honorary Benishigure, which both makes him happy, in a way, and annoys him to no end, given all the attention he recieves and the fact that he's a subject of never-ending jokes and bits (in a friendly way, of course).

Everyone's a bit drunk by now, laughing and toasting for anything that comes to their heads, no matter how small and insignificant. Koujaku is smoking a cigarette and sipping on his sake, taking it all in and quietly enjoying seeing the people he brought together. Aoba had a bit to drink too; He rarely does, but something tempted him to drink today- perhaps a desire to join in and fully enjoy the atmosphere was stronger than his usual convictions.

The conversation turns to relationships, as it always does at some point when a group of drunks congregates.

"Wait, how long have you two been together? Like, a year?" One of the Benishigures asks as he turns to Aoba and Koujaku. "That's pretty impressive, I gotta admit- it's probably the longest anyone stayed with Koujaku"

He barks a laugh, like he was suprised at how funny he found his own joke. Aoba looks at Koujaku with suspicion, but he only responds with a grin and a sly look in his eye- completely unmoving, cigarette still held in his teeth.

"You thought about tying the knot yet? I'm telling ya, if you managed to keep him around for a year, that means you gotta have something special going on."

"I doubt any shrine would be willing to do the ceremony for two guys." Aoba rolls his eyes. He's mostly trying to convince himself; Both he and Koujaku are respected in their local community, so he has no doubt that their potential union would be honored. He thinks that this whole "being in a relationship with a man" had sunken into his mind by now, but in moments like these, he really worries that he will never internalize it fully.

"Since when do you need a shrine?" The Benishigure snorts dismissively and waves his hand around with no grace at all; His eyes have a spark in them that already tells Aoba that he came up with something only a drunk could make up. "You're already with your friends and family, right...? And everyone's wasted on sake...? All we need now is for the lovebirds to smooch." He grins. "I can even be your official, if you want"

He raises his mug, beer and froth sloshing with his uncoordinated movements and begins to chant "KISS! KISS! KISS!", his yell echoing through the bar. All the other members at the table quickly abandon whatever they were talking about and join in, not knowing what they're cheering for, but knowing that it's paramount to see their leader and his boyfriend make out at the table this instant.

This unrest finally rouses Koujaku. He knows that Aoba doesn't enjoy being the center of attention, and especially not when he's being goaded into doing something by a bunch of rowdy, drunk dudes. He usually trusts his men to know when to cool it when it comes to teasing Aoba, but it seems like alcohol might've clouded their judgement.

He grabs his cigarette between his slender fingers and opens his mouth to speak. Before he manages to make a single sound, Aoba is pressing his lips against his, tasting the smoky flavor of the kiss. The room erupts in cheers, and the clinking of glasses and mugs raised in toast adds to his overwhelmed state.

In a way though, Koujaku is oddly gleeful about it all; He never expected to get married, or at least not like that- when he was younger, he'd probably imagine a serious, grim ceremony where he's forced to marry a girl he never saw before, one that was chosen by his father in order to strenghten their family's position in the criminal underword. Nowdays he has no family he could invite to such a ceremony, but the Benishigure are the closest thing he has, and he loves them like he would his own blood, so getting married while listening to their howls and cheers is probably how he'd like it to go anyway. As for Aoba... Being able to be around him in any capacity was a dream come true; Koujaku knew that he himself is never going anywhere anyway. But thinking about Aoba pledging his loyalty to him with such fervor, and in front of so many other people... He's just happy he's not a crying kind of drunk. Instead, he chooses to cup Aoba's head with his free hand, gently rustling the short, stiff hair right at his hairline.

On the next day, Aoba doesn't talk about the kiss, but when Koujaku tries to talk to him about it, he can see that Aoba remembers it all happening by the way he stammers, badly puts on a facade and downplays the whole event. Koujaku just laughs; He knows that Aoba needs to process it- he knows him well enough to know how he behaves after events like this, and Koujaku is, if nothing, a patient man. Besides, Aoba was always adorable when he was in that part of processing something, so he really doesn't mind.

Benishigure who are "in the know" sometimes call Aoba "bride" to mess with him, or ask Koujaku to say hi to his "wifey" from them. Mizuki finds out from them through rumors that the Black Needle hosted their very first wedding/reception when he happened to have a night off and he can't live that down. As for Aoba and Koujaku, they don't really consider themselves an officially married couple, but the bit is nicer to carry out than they thought- jokingly talking to eachother like an old married couple comes to them more naturally and is more fun than either has expected.

[redgearsmovin]

[ID start: Various digital sketches of Imagination Movers characters: Nina, Dave, Scott, Smitty and Rich. End ID.]

[oatmealcrisp-freak]

i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who chatted with/replied to me yesterday RE my frustration over the shipping argument among other posts quq it was sincerely reassuring!! i'm sorry for not replying to everything, i hardcore ran out of energy for the conversation and it started to feel like, idk, i just dont like being angry rofl sorry too for getting a bit over the top yesterday, and thank you again for your kindness and support!!

[kuromi-hoemie]

hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™

but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.

[adore-gregor]

Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭

[unproduciblesmackdown]

fr is he, you know.............................................repeatedly described as being Impersonable and Lacking Charm and Pedantic and confused / bothered by things he supposedly shouldn't be while inspiring confusion / botherment in others in ways he supposedly shouldn't and like 99.9% of the grief he's given is over All That while he's just sitting or standing there rather than the like intimidatingly efficient hitman georg thing he has going on. which is in fact The Skill That Makes Him Useful Despite It All and also perhaps the least foothold in interactions because [worried he can & may kill you] affords power when otherwise just being the weird guy nobody likes(tm)

bonus mordecai balling

[sysig]

Lost my mind thinking about the Vyer Estate (Patreon)

[mildmayfoxe]

to most people yoga is relaxing but to me, with the tightest muscles in the world, extremely out of shape in most ways, prone to very painful headrushes if i suddenly stand or sit up after being on the floor, it's uhhh. pretty hard

[seaofreverie]

I actually made 9 drawings in 2 days

[showyoumyfavoriteobsession]

Roughly once every four years I ponder the alternate timeline where I didn't get scared and quit college rugby after a single practice

[paper-mache-stars]

If you’re still accepting sketch requests, could you possibly draw Dr. Steinman? Or Peach Wilkins?

I love peach so much actually he's so funny

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

.

[girlscience]

I am contemplating gender again (specifically being a trans man) because I was rehashing my periodic "I am not trans/won't transition/haven't transitioned because blah blah blah" conversation with myself and I said something along the line of "transition wouldn't fix my underlying problem, which is being female. it would just be a bandaid over a gaping wound." (which, never really noticed before how fucking wild that sentence is. I don't think most people consider their sex to be a gaping wound) BUT ALSO, the point of transition would be to make myself male?????? that Literally by DEFINITION would fix the problem, right????

And now I am having other thoughts like the fact a huge piece of my inferiority complex comes from not being a ManTM, but from what I see online that is also a huge source of insecurity for a lot of men too. So maybe the issue isn't so much that I am female, but that "Being a ManTM" is pretty much unachievable for everyone or is something that you have to spend significant time and effort to become, and no one is born that way and pushing people to think there's only one right way to be a man is a bad and damaging thing?

And that people saying "well of course you are uncomfortable with your chest, you have worn a bra since you grew breasts and now you don't know what they naturally look like/move like/feel like" but I literally only wear bras in public and as a kid fought my parents hard because I hated wearing them so much. And also??? do you think my bras stop my breasts from moving???? cause they definitely don't. I'm willing to believe that wearing bras has affected the strength of ligaments and pec muscles that are attached to the tissue so things like jumping braless are more painful than they would be otherwise... but my boobs move all the time, regardless of bras or not.

And also maybe my issues with comparing myself to men and trying to be as good or better than them isn't a generalized thing because at work I don't compare myself to men. I don't with art or cosplay or cooking or cleaning or friendships or video games. I compare myself to other people's skills, but not specifically thinking "oh so and so is better than me at this because they are a man". The ONLY time I compare myself negatively to men is when it comes to physical strength and crying. Which perhaps says more about the fact as a society we over value physical strength and we relentlessly put down literally everyone for expressing negative emotion. And I have been told my whole life that because I'm female I'll never be as strong as males and so I should just give up and let them do things... but that is patently untrue. I am strong. It is something that is commented on by practically everyone is my life at some point or another. I don't think of myself as strong because I have been told I am weak and can't measure up to the strength of males but that is simply untrue. And I could get significant stronger if I worked out regularly. No, I'll never be Eddie Hall or whatever, but I don't want to be? And as for crying, a big part of my issue is that I dislike it when I feel like crying is out of my control, or when my crying is called a "girl thing". Which has less to do with the fact that I have problems with my emotions and more to do with the fact I don't like it when my body does things without my permission and I know men generally cry less. Also, crying is seen as weak and so it means people see women as weak for being emotional and I dislike being seen as weak. Even though I don't actually think having or expressing emotions is bad or weak, I am just very aware of how it is perceived.

And I get worried maybe I have autoandrophilia (autophallophilia?? idk which it is), but other than urination the purpose of genitals is sex? So of course it makes sense I would want a penis for sex reasons???? That doesn't make it a fetish or paraphilia. And even if it was, I am an adult and I am allowed to do things for sex reasons. That doesn't make me a freak or a pervert or me forcing my kinks on other unwilling people.

And then things like I see trans men talking about the affects of T and I want literally every single one of them (except the acne and vaginal atrophy, but that's because it sounds painful and no one really wants that lol). I desperately want the bottom growth, deeper voice, body hair, muscle growth, and fat redistribution. I wouldn't even hate the potential balding? I'll just shave my head again, no biggie. I do know all of that can be hit or miss and varies a lot from person to person, but I don't really see myself coming out of HRT (even if I were to stop eventually) truly hating any of the changes. Also, top surgery has been in my brain since I got the first hints of boobs as a kid. As much as I waffle back and forth on it, I know that unless it was truly truly fucked (like excruciating chronic pain kind of fucked) I wouldn't ever be upset or regret making that decision. I just don't see that happening, at worst I think I would end up neutral on it. Which would be a frequent improvement on today's feelings about my chest.

And in regards to more social and presentation based things, I like using Mens things and wearing Mens clothes and getting grouped in as "One Of The Boys". I like it that my dad and I dress the same and he will point out clothes to me in the men's section because it's on sale and he knows I'd like it. I like that I got all the hand-me-downs from both my grandpa's after they died and that my dad gives me his hand-me-downs all the time. I like that I can wear men's shoes (thank the universe for giving me big feet) and that my fingers/hands are bigger than most of the women in life. I like that I am only one inch shorter than the male average in the US and I am taller than the global average (just learned this and I am thrilled). I like being called son and hoss. I like having short masculine haircuts.

And idk, maybe I am simply gnc or butch or nonbinary. But all of these things and more that I haven't remembered or forgot to add or will think of later (because I am actively contemplating this) is making me rethink things. And also, the first sexual identity I ever knew myself as was bi, and I freaked myself out so bad that I ran from that as long as I could. And, I am wondering if the same thing has happened here. As soon as I was able to conceive of myself (as far as I can remember) I started wanting to be a boy, but I have kept running from that little voice in the back of my brain that is aware of that since then. Maybe I will end up concluding I am not trans, but I don't want to keep running. I'm going to turn around and face it....... like a man. 😉

[the-trans-dragon]

What’s the appropriate way for me to respond to customers handing me religious pamphlets/cards? I’m not worried about getting fired btw.

[raiiny-bay]

did a writing exercise wherein i tried to describe my characters only through random things i associate them with & it was hard !!!