#if any of my post-college (undergrad at least) friends would like to give me tips for slowing down and being intentional with life

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

.

[writerwrites]

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Protégé to Bruce Banner, Rosemarie finds herself working closely with and befriending the Avengers. Friendship, lust, heartbreak, and so much more find her along this heartbreaking journey into new adulthood. Rosemarie discovers her self-worth and that home is where the heart is… she’ll just have to figure out what her heart is saying first.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Smut 18+, language, angst, fluff, language, ye ole slow burn, and eventually death, pregnancy, love triangle… or love adjacent to a triangle? It’s complicated.

playlist . masterlist

A/N: This WIP is intentionally made to ruin all of our lives with feels. You were warned. It’s just my writing style, but I use a name for the reader, in this case Rosemarie, so adjust your imaginations as you read, fam. Also, I do what I want, so don’t come at me for MCU canon timelines. The most notable YOLO in this series is that Bucky/Winter Soldier is an Avenger pre-Blip, Banner isn’t in space, and though there’s tension between the Tony and Cap ‘sides’ of the Sokovia Accords they’re all trying to work together. Avenging is not a main point to this story, but that’s the clarification I will give you. I hope you enjoy my first posted fic, leave a comment, review, message, etc.

Introduction: October 2016

--- BANNER SCIENCE TECHNOLOGIES (BST); MIDTOWN MANHATTAN, NY ---

“Anything? Anything at all? Bueller?” Rosemarie looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, trying to spot some sort of subtle difference in her appearance. Though she had been searching for a job in her field for months, the ‘spooky’ elevator music chirping through the bathroom was an indication that she was just shy of that November 1st tuition payment start up. Her May graduation felt like a distant memory and all the years of hard work and applications to various schools, and even scholarships for being gifted and a minority hardly made a dent in the mountain of debt that came with attaining a doctoral degree. So, the prodigy looked, hoping for even a crinkle in the corner of your twenty-two year old eyes or a crease in her forehead. A little guilty knot formed in her stomach, as she thought no one ever wanted to ‘grow up’ faster than she did.

Rosemarie had been an intern for Stark Industries during her undergrad and worked a part-time research position for Stark while she looked for the right fit. It had been the CEO and his wife, Pepper, who had tipped you off about Dr. Banner’s small new company, Banner Science Technologies. No amount of ass kissing or overtime seemed to get the young woman a chat with Tony Stark, who was providing significant financial support to his friend and her boss’ endeavor, and she had all but given up until three weeks ago. That fateful email felt more like an unexpected termination. The fear of going ‘upstairs’ for that meeting amused Tony, he’d told her so much when he cackled that he had watched her self-talking on the journey up.

Now at BST, Rosemarie was leading a medical research team that rivaled Elon Musk and every major university in neuroscience. But there she was, leaning into the mirror on Day One, wishing she felt like she knew what she was doing, like she didn’t look like a dork in your square black rimmed glasses, or that she would look older than she was because she wanted to be taken seriously. The young doctor hadn’t realized that her accomplishments had already done that for her because almost no one ever blew through a public education, let alone Yale, like she had. The emotions tied to repeated social rejection; however, began to bubble in her chest like poison before her badge glimmered on her hip and snapped her out of the trance.

Oddly, in that interview for BST, Banner didn’t ask the doctor about her research. He asked Rosemarie about her mental health, how she balanced work and life, and what her definition of world peace was. It had somehow never occurred to her that both Banner and Stark shared the unnatural gift of intellect since they were young too and that, at least to some degree, could relate to her experiences. There was a steady and natural intimidation that came with working for an Avenger like Bruce, but seeing the rest of them in passing at the lab in Stark Industry’s famous tower made the young woman slowly catch glimpses of their humanity, taking off the rose colored glasses placed on every stranger’s face by the media’s interpretation of them. Nevertheless, Rosemarie was a nobody, a lab rat, scientist, doctor, dork, and perpetually invisible to everyone at work. In fact, she had been her whole life, special but not special enough to warrant connecting with on a personal level. She told herself you’ll learn to appreciate the anonymity, but after being an academic shining star in college and spending a half a year looking for a job in the field, any semblance of confidence left in her small frame had certainly faltered.

Before Rosemarie could hit the ‘wallow in self pity’ button on her emotional circuit board, the bathroom door opened. Quickly straightening up and without looking at who came, she turned on the water to wash her hands and only upon reaching for the air dryer did she realize that the woman was the curvy redhead Avenger known for her skills in espionage, linguistics, weaponry, and combat; Black Widow. Rosemarie blinked, making a mental note to not call her that if she managed to speak at all. She looked at the young doctor curiously, her eyebrows slowly drawing together in confusion. “Are you really going to the party dressed up as Bruce? We try not to do ‘the Avengers’ at this thing every year.”

Whether it was from Agent Romanoff’s use of air quotes or the fact that she was speaking to a person that saw themselves as invisible, Rosemarie’s mouth bobbed open and closed, head tilting to the side like a confused puppy. “Party? Bruce?” Please, Rosemarie, save yourself from chronic rambling, she mentally monologued, only showing she was in her head through the pursing of her lips and a fleeting nod of acknowledgement; both of which hadn’t gone unnoticed by the spy.

“Bruce really forgot to invite his top dog? Typical. I swear I told him three times this week alone.” She walked around toward Rosemarie with speed and grace. Her gaze was analytical of the body in front of her, despite the majority of it being tucked underneath a pristine new lab coat, as she kept talking, “The annual Halloween costume party is tonight and you and the other two department leads…” she waved her hand when she realized she’d forgotten their names. “Anyways, it’s a party Tony throws every year and it’s always been Stark Industries, Rand Corp., and some other companies in Stark’s pocket that get all the big faces together for a few drinks, laughs, and a good time. Banner Sci. Tech. has Tony at the table and Bruce in bright lights. You’ve got to be there,” Just as a protest was about to pass the girl’s lips a finger went to them, “No excuses, Rosemarie. Consider it a part of the ‘other duties as assigned’ clause on your employment agreement.” She wiggled her fingers dramatically, but there the lab rat stood, utterly dumbfounded. A new question was on her mind: What could she possibly add to a conversation with a bunch of brilliant wealthy CEOs and superheroes? “Soooo, naturally, the people that are the glue of this place should come and rub shoulders. You know, show ‘em why you’re so fantastic. Get to know the people your tech will likely be used by, little like that.”

“But, I’m… me?” The words were quiet, disjointed, and felt like you had more confidence giving your first valedictorian speech to a crowd of Seniors that had bullied you for walking with them at the age of twelve.

“Exactly, Dr. Smarypants. You’re you, which is why we’re going to mine and getting you some costume that doesn’t make you the laughing stock of introductions. How old are you, anyway?” Natasha opened the bathroom door and the doctor walked out feeling like she was about to get the Princess Diaries treatment with some sort of Nightmare on Elm Street plot twist.

“I turned twenty-two last February.” The answer was offered up in the tone of an apology but she disregarded the awkward timbre and stuck to the facts, making Rosemarie’s shoulders relax just a little.

“Well thank God for that,” The Avenger’s laugh echoed through the hall. “I was half worried you wouldn’t be able to drink and then you’d be both bored and silent at the party.”

With a finger up she skipped over to the main lab’s window where Bruce was squinting at four screens and banging on a tablet. When he finally looked over at the redhead, everyone in the vicinity noticed his expression quickly melting, something Rosemarie had certainly never seen. Natasha pointed to her watch, to Rosemarie, and gestured little walking legs with her fingers. Dr. Banner acknowledged her with what looked like a mouthed ‘I love you’ but before Rosemarie could even smile at the site he offered her an apologetic nod, unnerving her once more. In the blink of an eye, Natasha was dragging her out of the office, arm in arm, and out of midtown Manhattan.

--- BRUCE AND NATASHA’S LIMESTONE; UPPER EAST SIDE, MANHATTAN, NY ---

Despite asking a few times over what she had in store, Nat, as she asked to be called, gave her little to go on. Sitting on a bench at the foot of her boss’ California King bed, she watched Natasha rummaging through the walk-in closet. “Clint’s daughter dragged me to Disney a few months back. She insisted we go ‘Disneybounding’ and I have more wigs than I’ll ever need.” She was processing her choices and more than once Rosemarie picked up something that flew out of the walk-in closet at her head. A shimmering ruby red dress landed to the left and her mouth fell open in horror at the plunging neckline and thigh extra-high slit. Nat came out with a few things on her arm and laughed at the look of pure exasperation, “Don’t worry, babe, that’s mine… and this,” She plopped the garments into her victim’s arms, “Is your get up. There’s a bathroom down the hall, the only door on the left. I’ll be over in a bit to help with your makeup.”

Rosemarie wasn’t sure if she should take offense to the fact that it wasn’t a question, but remained too intimidated to say anything. Once in the bathroom with her back to the mirror she took off her white lab coat and untucked the seafoam green tie-neck satin blouse and skinny black slacks. As she folded the discarded clothes, she sighed at how proud of the outfit she’d been just this morning and how it now felt like a bland choice by the time she saw half of the spy’s closet. Like the pang of emotions set off a bomb, Rosemarie was self-talking about how nice Nat was being to her and to see this as a professional opportunity rather than a terrifying obligation. The mental chatter was enough to get her into the outfit which, surprisingly, required no sucking in, tucking, or wiggling to get on. It wasn’t until she turned to the mirror that Rosemarie registered what ‘Disney bounding’ was, immediately placing the character the ensemble was meant to resemble.

The high-waisted yellow shorts with their two panels of brassy buttons hugged Rosemarie's hips and made her see the curves of a defined hourglass frame for the first time in clothing other than yoga pants. The off the shoulder royal blue crop top had enough draping and a built-in bra to make her comfortable about wearing this around other professionals, just the tiniest hint of the tan skin of her upper stomach when she raised her hands or posed, neither of which she planned to do tonight. The red bow against black hair was the perfect final touch to make it obvious the outfit was a modern Snow White. Before Rosemarie could overanalyze going to a work event in the getup, there was a rhythmic knock on the door and, even though she thought she’d locked it, Nat was walking in, items in hand. At first she whistled, taking Rosemarie’s hand in hers and spinning her around. Nat smiled when she saw the heat rise up the bashful doctor’s neck and color flooded her cheeks. “I have one last thing.”

Until Nat pulled black heels from behind her back Rosemarie hadn’t even noticed Natasha had changed, but when she did her mouth went dry. “You look…” With a knowing smirk, she put her hands on Rosemarie’s hips and spun her back toward the mirror, her chest pressed to the doctor’s back as she studied her features, the pouted lips and high cheekbones, the long eyelashes underneath the ridiculously hipster glasses. Rosemarie felt naked in front of her, no one having ever really looked at her that way before and her body naturally reacted with a shiver that caused her hips to roll back into her host. As Rosemarie was about to apologize, Nat simply smiled and shook her head no, getting to work on their makeup with both expertise and speed.

Rosemarie thought she had gotten away with the embarrassing and obvious moment of unrequited attraction when the Avenger popped the lipstick into a wristlet purse that looked like an apple. Then she leaned in like a panther pouncing on her prey and, somehow, the doctor didn’t cower back. Nat was intrigued by that, a little curve found its way to the corner of her crimson lips, two shades darker and glossed compared to Rosemarie’s, “Let’s have a good time tonight, Snow. Something tells me it’s going to get very interesting.” She bit her lip, noticing that Rosemarie was holding your breath and assumed that it was a combination of her looking great and being the girlfriend of the girl’s boss, she wasn’t wrong. Nat still dipped down between her legs and slipped the heels onto the young woman’s feet, letting her fingertips tickle her ankle before they were holding hands and heading to the party.

--- STARK INDUSTRIES: THE TOWER; MIDTOWN MANHATTAN, NY ---

The closer they got to Tony Stark’s ‘Tower’ the more Rosemarie wanted the stroke of midnight to hit so she could get out of dodge. Nat worried, even if she hid it well. She’d playfully asked her a few casual questions about her time at Yale, what the parties were like, and what the doctor liked to do for fun. She quickly and accurately surmised that the twenty two year old had been in love once and upon some bad sex and the dropping of the ‘L’ word, she’d been dropped like a fly. The pity never reached Natasha’s face, but it was there. It reminded her of more than one person that would be at the Tower tonight, and as she cooed compliments to the anxious new girl in town, she hoped that offering the invitation was the right thing. Rosemarie nodded and blushed, hoping accepting was the right choice too, though she didn’t hide it well at all.

As Natasha entertained that young woman with pleasant little stories about how harmless everyone was, she couldn’t help but think that, with the tension of the Sokovia Accords, you might not be up for the mental olympics the attendees would undoubtedly be going through. As the elevator doors closed behind them, Rosemarie didn’t notice how worried Nat was and instead tried to calm herself down in the bustling room. Her matte dusty rose lips pressed into a closed mouth smile as she tried to remember little details about the people in front of her, people that she had only heard about on television or seen through a lab window. “Here we go,” Nat spoke with surprising pep and with a sigh, Rosemarie followed. She was glad Natasha let her walk down the stairs behind her as the crowd funneled in both in front and behind them. You can do this. You’re smart, a good person, you can do this. This is totally normal. Just smile and nod, fake it to the bar, fake it ‘til you make it. The doctor’s gaze brushed across the room after Natasha moved away toward Bruce. Immediately Rosemarie froze, a few heads that had turned to greet Nat now turned toward her. Well, shit.

CHAPTER 1

Taglist: @caplanbuckybarnes​

[8bit-code]

{things that helped me as a c0mputer science major}

Hi! So I wanted to make a post sharing some of the stuff that helped me improve at computer science but some of this advice can be applied to any subject you're studying. Hopefully, these tips will help you if you're beginning your journey in CS at University/College.

*I'm still learning and I'm nowhere near perfect so there may be some things in here that you disagree with but that's okay because everyone has different learning styles. A lot of this advice stems from personal experience so I don't expect these tips to work for everyone. With that being said, feel free to reblog this post with your own tips :)*

"How do I even know if I want to do CS at University?"

Well, Comp-Sci is obviously not everyone's cup of tea but chances are if you are curious to learn more about the subject (either as a hobby or career) it's a good idea to take a couple of intro/beginner courses to see how you feel about it before you major in it. It may be discouraging to hear some of your peers changing their majors from Computer Science saying that it's either "too boring" or "too hard". Most likely they either majored in CS because of only the pay or because they thought it would be easier than it turned out to be. But have no fear! As long as you're passionate about learning this totally awesome subject and are persistent through the challenging areas, you'll do great!

*note: there is nothing wrong with changing your major if you find something that you love more and would rather dedicate more time to. Just don't feel like you have to change your major if you're not confident that you will be successful as a computer scientist due to your skill level because you will get better. I promise.*

1. [stay consistent when learning programming languages]

Imagine you want to learn a foreign language like French, Arabic, or Japanese. Do you pick up a book and read it once or twice a week and expect to be fluent in a couple of months? Of course not! You need to be consistent and set aside at least an hour every day to sit down and learn/practice your language of choice. The same applies to programming languages. You have to dedicate enough time outside of class to really develop your coding skills but make sure you leave enough time for your hobbies and to relax because you don't want to burn out. Consistency is the key. Remember, if you don't use it you lose it.

2. [ask a lot of questions in class!]

You won't believe how many times students have a question during a lecture but don't ask it, instead they tell themselves that they'll "google it when I get home." But the reality is that most of the time they'll be too tired or forget to look up their question on the web. Even if they remember, the answers they get on the web won't always fit their question. You may be doing this too often but are unaware of it. It's understandable if you have anxiety from speaking in the presence of a crowd or are too afraid that your question is too basic. Please don't feel this way! Most of the students in your class are in the same position as you, some are probably even more confused. When you ask your question in class you not only help yourself understand the concept better but you also allow the professor to explain the topic further which benefits the whole class.

*note: not all professors allow for questions in the middle of a lecture so take advantage of office hours to ask them questions you wrote in your notes.*

3. [make connections with your professors]

The reason why we're in college is to find something we love and make a career out of it, right? Well logically, one of the main steps of getting a career is to make connections with your professors! Businesses and organizations work with universities all the time; whether it's for on-campus events, internships for undergrads, or scholarships. Your professors know about these opportunities probably more than anyone else because they have to sit in meetings discussing them for hours and is why you should talk to them if you're interested in any of this stuff. Like I said before, take advantage of their office hours. Let them know you want to volunteer at events, apply for any internships, or apply for merit-based scholarships. Show them that you want to do more than just be a student and that you're ready to do more work for an impressive resume. I wouldn't have been able to get a fraction of the opportunities I did if it weren't for my professor's emailing me about them or writing letters of recommendation for me (which happened because I volunteered myself to work on projects even if it meant that sacrificing other responsibilities sometimes). In short: put yourself out there and get noticed.

4. [learn how to use online resources]

There's no avoiding staying up trying to work on a project that's completely boggling your mind. If you feel like you won't get it to work no matter what you do, don't worry because the internet is your best friend. It's no surprise the number of resources available on the internet is almost endless but what might surprise you is the number of solutions to the specific question you have. Yup, there are people out there struggling with the same problem as you and plenty of people offering different solutions. It's very important to remember that you shouldn't blindly copy/paste their solutions into your code if you don't how it works. You first need to identify what you did wrong and what their solution did right. This allows you to learn from your mistakes and prevents you from running into the same problems over and over again.

5. [learn how to use GitHub]

No explanation is needed, just please learn how to use it. You are welcome.

6. [avoid procrastinating!]

You already know this is a bad habit and if you don't do it, congratulations you can skip this part or you can continue reading. Procrastinating results in projects messily put together the hour before it's due (don't lie, you've been there) and professors notice it, don't think they don't. Procrastination is something we don't want to do but I'm not gonna sit here and say "stop procrastinating" because that won't work (it surely doesn't work for me), but I have some tips to avoid procrastinating.

a. Create fake deadlines for assignments that are actually earlier than the real due date! This tricks your brain to procrastinate according to the fake deadline but you'll still have time to fix and polish your assignment before the real due date. This works for me 100% of the time.

b. Work with your classmate(s) on assignments. We often procrastinate when we're working on projects alone because we are working at our own pace, which is usually avoiding doing it all week and cramming it the night before we turn it in. When you have a partner working on it with you it's required that you work at a steady pace in order to keep up with them and finish the assignment on time. You can either meet up with your partner after class or online. This tip works like a charm, it's motivated me to work on assignments that I've been neglecting when my classmates asked me "how did you do X in our assignment?" or "let's screenshare our code and work on it together!"

7. [explore different fields in computer science]

Computer Science is a very broad study that has many specific concentrations. Someone might have zero interest in machine learning but love cybersecurity and one who has no plans on learning how to create programs might have a passion for computer hardware. You need to explore different areas you feel like you might be interested in. Visit workshops on them or take a couple of classes at a local CC and see which you love the most.

Good luck with your endeavors in computer science! Hopefully, these tips help you and remind to never give up. You can do this! I’m sure I missed a bunch of stuff so share some stuff that helps you stay on track. I want to make posts more often so please wait for them :) also feel free to ask me anything you want to know and I'll answer it to the best of my ability <3

[kytalyst]

First Year Med Tips

What’s a more pleasing way to start again than posting something quite relevant to the community right? (hahaha) 

Anyway, are you an incoming first year med student? or do you have any plans to enter med school soon? well, you might have stumbled on the right post (lol, not really, but humor me please? hahaha)

To start off, I wanted to post something like this because I know how much of a stress it is to start into something without any idea on what’s totally going on. And because I was once in your shoes, struggling to have any some sort of information on what med school really is and just plain tips or advice from someone. 

Disclaimer: I may have passed my first year but it doesn’t mean that I’m in the top 10 of my batch. I’m just your regular struggling med student and in no way a genius (like some of my classmates) but I could offer you some advice or tips to cope up with med school here in the Philippines as an incoming first year student and to show you a glimpse on what to really expect. 

First Year Subjects:

Basic Biomedical Sciences

Gross Anatomy

Bring your reference book for your dissection just so you wouldn’t get lost along the way. I highly recommend Netter’s as an amazing reference. Also, if you can, invest in a 100 pcs glove box for your group, as well as masks it would be less a hassle to buy one every session (trust me, saves you more time to work ahead at the laboratory). Label your materials (it will be used for the whole year, label them so that they would not get lost and for you not to buy another one when you lost your scalpel or etc.)

Histology

Read in advance your laboratory exercise, it will be helpful for you. It would also guide you on what slides you’ll take. Research ahead on what the slides look like so you’ll have an idea on what to label and draw ahead. Don’t forget to bring your coloring materials. Color pencils, highlighters, fine liners help a lot in making sure your drawings look good.

Basic Neurosciences

Be familiar with everything, during laboratory, make sure that you know where the gyrus and sulcus are. Don’t forget to take a photo of everything and label on them. 

Phyisology

If you’re a visual and audio learner like me, it would be helpful for you to search up some videos in the internet after a lecture. NinjaNerd is a very helpful reference for your physio topics. (istg!! I owe 50% of my learnings from him)

Embryology

If you go to the same school as me, read on the chapter summary. It will help you have a general idea about it. Reading the whole chapter helps you familiarize but the summary is enough. 

Basic Radiology

Review the powerpoint slides by your lecturers! Take some time to actually read and review them not just during your exams, this will help you a lot since they are mostly diagrams and scans. 

Family and Community Medicine 1

- Go to class. Don’t take this for granted. The subject is really nice to keep you grounded on what are really the main issues in the community that are related to health. It will help you appreciate the work of a family and community physician. You will be mostly doing paper works in this so team up with classmates who are actually hardworking and that helps you in work load. 

Patient-Doctor Relations 1

- This is actually super fun. You get to have your first hospital exposure but only at the out-patient department. You will be taught on how to take a patient’s history. And if you are a socially awkward person like me (whose premed is biology and have no background on this) try to observe your classmates (especially the nurses) and if possible ask help if you have any difficulty. It will only be difficult at the first try but once you get the hang of it then you’ll be able to ace it. It’s not always that you get to take a patient’s history tho, it would only be 2-4 times this year, but hey it’s still good practice right? Try to follow the format given by your professor and do not just rely on your classmate’s history taking, make it your own so you’ll know how to make one. 

1. Don’t be absent. Attendance in college may not be a huge deal for some universities but in med school? it is HUGE. (at least in my school) Attendance is checked every activity and every lecture (trust me, I was the class beadle). The reason why I tell you this is that, it will help a lot on your image to your professors. It shows that you are serious enough to attend your classes. (Even if you think you’ve covered this topic in your undergrad, still attend your classes, you’ll never know what things will your lecturer emphasize and possibly where he/she get questions for your exams)

2. Take notes. Lectures in Med school usually span for 1.5-3 hours depending on what the topic is all about. To keep yourself awake, one tip would be to take down notes, (may it be in pen or paper / electronically with your ipad or laptop!) trust me, it will help you during finals or exams to know what were the things emphasized by your lecturer.

3. Participate and Perform in Laboratories. Most of the subjects under BBS have laboratories (except for embryology). Try to make sure that you know every exercise and that you would not waste your laboratory period. This is because this will help you during your OSCEs or your Objective Structured Clinical Examinations. 

4. Make your Small Group Discussions interactive. Use visual aids, like powerpoints, flashcards, quiz bowls, etc. Some facilitators may not be the fun type but most of the facilitators would appreciate on you simplifying the topic for your groupmates (BUT please make sure not to skip on important details). 

5. Plot your school activities and exams. Med School is very fast paced, you tend to have long quizzes every monday and sometimes it gets really draining.That’s why I highly suggest to take note and plot in your calendar when will your bimonthlies start, this would give you an idea on how many days there is left before you start reviewing for it. 

6. Always take a photo and label! I’ve said this once, and I will say it again. Don’t be a lazy ass (like me, who only do this when I feel like it TT)  This is applicable to your laboratories, especially in histology and anatomy. When you have your lab exercise, always make sure that you get the slide that your teacher emphasized, have a photo of every slide and label it on that night. trust me. this will help you in your practical exams. And don’t forget to ask for help especially to your professors and classmates. 

7. Find an outlet. It would get really suffocating at times when you are bombed with all these school works. And so I suggest to find an outlet, go to the gym, watch a youtube video or two every once in a while. So that you wouldn’t feel too choked by all these academic stress. 

8. Keep all your notes by Bimonthly. Trust me on this, buy a big envelope and place all your notes and transes once the bimonthlies are over. This would really help you for finals so that you wouln’t be looking for all your scattered notes and print them again. Save the environment. 

9. You don’t need to buy all your books. If you know someone from the upperclassmen, ask for a pdf copy of your books. The books really cost around 3-5,000 pesos each and it would be a pain in your wallet or parent’s wallet. (Or if you can afford it then it’s also alright with me tho hehe) But for me, you don’t really need to buy all of them, if you don’t want to. Befriend an upper classmen or two then ask for a pdf.

10. You are not alone. (oooh scary jk but you get me right?) You are still at an adjusting phase. First year brings a shock to most people on how med school really works. And I guess a good advice that I could tell you is that you are not alone. Your classmates and friends are also going through this. Everyone is struggling in med school (I still am) and that’s ok. You’ll find your groove soon enough (hopefully me too). Don’t be in a rush and don’t pressure yourself too much, just take things one day at a time. One task at a time. There will be days that you feel so bad that you don’t want to do anything and that’s ok, find someone to talk to, vent out what your feeling, contact your mentor, go to the gym, bake a cake, then move on. Make your bad day into good.

I’m not sure if these are enough but if you do have any questions feel free to dm me. And don’t forget that you are still a work in progress. Things will get really rough and that is because you are growing to become a skilled and good physician. If you’re not struggling then maybe you’re not really learning? (lol what? hahahaha idk) but really, just trust the process. You can do it! I believe in you! 

[janzz]

day 3: its 3:47am on day 4 and i forgot to write my daily post

really really really trying hard to make this a habit (just for april)

so fail but lol

here’s my post for today

i went to a yoga class tonight in santa clara and it was the yogi’s first time and she was so good omg!

not quite as good as my fave instructor of all time (the bae lauren at moxie yoga in sf)

but yeah kimberly at corepower santa clara square might make me a regular!

(which honestly is super great because i went to class with norma and it was awful LOL)  (she played like hardcore edm at a chill class??) (to be fair it was also a level 2 class and i was struggling a little and kimberly’s class was a level 1....)

(oh i went to whole foods in the same plaza right after and ngl im starting to really enjoy just physically being in those fancy ass supermarkets.  i went to a new to me nob hill after orangetheory surprisingly also in santa clara ----theyre just nice and clean and beautiful.  however spending $45 to get way less stuff than a 99 ranch or something still feels way wrong.  i got bananas cashew milk chia seed refill 18 brown eggs (anthony likes the brown ones idk) natural deodorant (cause native has been sucking hard) ginger tofu mushrooms orange juice fancy sprouted bread shredded cheese actually ok when i list that all out its a decent amount for whole foods.  the stuff is just smaller yknow like the presliced white mushrooms were $1 for easily like 3 or so oz less)

anyway i find this funny because when i started dating anthony in 2015 he would go to nob hill markets and always claim it was his favorite market (because the chicken he would buy from there would never go bad etc).  i thought he was like idk rich af -- to be fair he went to stanford 2x and has his masters and is 2 years older so yeah he is definitely more privileged than me.  like i didnt have a preference for cage free brown eggs like i never had the money to spend the extra $1 or 2 on that shit when i was slaving at starbucks AND a second office job.

its really weird how money changes your life.  its 2019 and i finally hit the 100k 6 figure mark.  it’s honestly been a STRUGGLE to get here, but i’ve learned a lot along the way -- primarily that you HAVE to negotiate and generally just get paid more to improve your life.  anyway yeah money doesn’t solve problems but it generally reduces  your mental calories and makes things way more convenient.

before when i was poorer, i would have to go out of my way to make sure i was getting the cheapest shell gasoline in the area (still gotta have standards and not give into that arco bullshit).  i would never go into whole foods or places like that because my dollar had to stretch further.  whenever i would go out with friends before i’d have to be SUPER mindful of what i ordered and i would be EXTRA annoyed when you go out in a group and when splitting venmo people wouldnt pay the extra gratuity and i’d factor in me covering it because as a barista and server its bs when ppl dont tip well

now -- idgaf if i go out to eat a lot or splurge when im out w friends.  dropping $50-$100 randomly cause something is on clearance at lululemon is not a big deal.  im not anal about my boyfriend and i splitting everything exactly 5050 down the middle cause meh whatever i dont need to be given money back for like the minimal difference.  if whole foods is convenient for me to go to after a workout ill go in without batting an eyelash.  

it is weird tho being poor and then having money -- like ill go to lululemon but absolutely CANNOT buy anything full price.  i still like watching movies but 99% of the time go on discount days cause spending $20 when i could spend $9 feels wrong.  whenever i do basic things with my boyfriend, like going to the grocery store or mall, i’m most definitely the most cost conscious -- checking against the value per oz, whereas he just picks whatever and gives no thoughts to it (i think he makes like 240k a year thereabouts, definitely more than double but i dont know the specifics).  i drive a 2015 toyota corolla le he drives a nicer but still affordable more luxury sedan hyundai sonata souped up with seat warmers navigation and he’s installed a dash cam and stuff.  my car is definitely a commuter car that’s just one level up from the s basic model.  when i htink about buying a new car i dont know if i could buy a lexus but yet i sometimes think about getting a tesla instead of a prius

another weird one is getting mad at myself for leaving reusable grocery bags LITERALLY in the trunk and then having to pay the $0.10 per bag.  I’ve easily spent at least $15 on bags prob.  Before i would be kicking myself hard cause i’d need to pinch pennies.  another thing that ive noticed makes me feel “rich” is i can sustain my craft coffee/boba habit just fine and not give a fuck.  before i got more mindful of it i htink my my coffee boba budget was like $100 a month.  ive always loved craft coffee, but it has to be RIGHT if i was gonna spend $6.  when i was living w my parents in san diego going to a new coffee shop and driving up to encinitas or whatever was like THE trip. now i get philz off my mobile app whenever i head out of class or if im feeling like it and its not that special

but yeah, im not rich by any means but it was huge to go from like $16 an hour at my office job/$15.70?? w/ benefits I think that was my starbucks shift supervisor rate/annual salaries of 20k ish to $39k at a law firm in downtown sac (grossly underpaid but at least rent was only $300 at a family friends) back to the law firm job up to $70k.  there i got a raise at the same job from 70 to 80k and then 80k to 86.

THEN cause i was privileged enough to have been able to save money making more when i hated my job i just up and quit (i think i had like no more than 5k in savings at the time --it wouldve been more but i spent 3k on prk/lasik).  anyway yeah i was lucky af and got a new job in a month -- and the offer for this job was 100k base, 10k bonus, some amount of stock (i still suck at this stuff) and a stupid amount of perks like $1000 gym reimbursement and basically free health insurance -- if i annualize all my pay+perks, assuming i get my full bonus, its prob like 120k.

so i have like 5x ed my income in 4 years since graduating from college.

the crazy part is people that were more privileged than me STARTED at 100k as new grads, including 401ks and what not.  im lucky becuase i started mine back when i was 18 at starbucks.

income inequality and access to knowledge/resources has become something ive become more aware about and passionate about over time.  me and my boyfriend clashed a lot earlier i think because we literally were in different planes of our lives and income levels.  we’ve been together 3 years, but have known each other for 4.  we broke up for 1 year in between -- and yeah ngl had i never improved myself or actually reached my income/earning potential we likely would not have gotten back together.  additionally him supporting me when we got back together raised me out of not the poverty level but yeah we met and i made 39k.  i took the plunge and moved out to sf for myself and lets be real for him too and made 70k which was a huge jump.  and in a short 15 months or so i jumped again to 100k base.

im never gonna make as much as he does (men/women blah we can get into that) but yeah even having access to money adjacently is so powerful.  anthony never outright gave me money and im too much of a hardass independent person that ive NEVER borrowed money from him, never intend to.  i really vehemently despise the idea of free loading but because of him just being around yeah my life has been improved.  

when we met in 2015 in our young 20s we were in our have fun phase.  i was too poor to have gone to thiings like coachella or out to a concert.  he got me into music and made it easy for me to experience because he’d buy the ticket, drinks, pick me up and pay for sf parking.  i would likely get dinner ahead of time or something small and generally we would switch so if he got tickets one time i’d get them next.  but he ALWAYS paid for drinks and lets be real the occasional not drinks :P he had introduced me to music in such a way that i was willing to drop $800 or so on coachella + car camping + take pto days even when we were broken up 10ish months or whatever it was the first time we dated but if you think about it he likely dropped at least 1k on me during those 10 months without batting an eye lash.  i made 39k at the time working in downtown sacramento and he made 90k base (maybe 115k total comp) living in SF.

despite just basic things like me being immature for 23 -- a big reason i think we broke up at the time was the income level inequality.  it was both our first jobs out of school (first job out of stanford grad for him, he immediately got his masters out of undergrad).  i did a round of uc davis, community, uc davis.  

he told me he was breaking up with me because when we met i had originally wanted to be a lawyer and then didnt end up pursuing that path and he saw it as a lack of ambition/drive.  what he didnt see was general growing up and not having access to lawyers as i grew up, just me working at this really top tier A+ law firm and feeling out of place as an asian woman working with rich WASPs.  me wearing pencil skirts and having major impostor syndrome.  what he did end up seeing was an insecure version of myself in our relationship with me bending over backwards to make him happy.

when i moved to sf and made 70k it definitely was a huge ego boost to make that additional 30k, but to be real, here in sf and paying more rent than i was in sac and SD/just general living being expensive 70k wasnt that much.  what it did for my confidence though was priceless (i was an ea to a ceo at a tech startup).  i really grew into myself and was more confident in my abilities -- and honestly a lot of that was just getting older and knowing that i was good at things, bad at certain things and i wasnt going through my quarterlife/post grad crisis anymore.  

then those raises to 80k and 86k made me more ballsy.  these things were obvi practiced with anthony as i had a partner to discuss and practice with/an educated thought partner.  at this time anthony was making $150k base or so (after realizing he had been grossly underpaid as a PM for the 90k initial salary)

all of this set me up to basically make my position what it is now AND for it to be 100k.  tbh im a glorified low level coordinator at a big company.  i honest to goodness for the first three months probably worked a total of 2ish hours a day? this role should probably max out at 90k.  and by max out i mean this role likely shouldve started at 75k with incremental raises to get to 90 in like 3 years.  i STARTED at 100 and can likely if i play my cards right be promoted to a program manager in a year (or less).  that’ll prob bump me to a base of 120 or so if i’m aggressive.

i always shitted on sf when i moved here because i hate the tech bros, the elitist ppl, the vcs who think theyre out here changing the world but seriously being surrounded by people that went to ivy leagues or the UC’s that were better than mine have honestly, like my boyfriend, just uplifted my status.  something as small as casual lunch time conversation being more intellectual makes a huge difference for me re: how stimulated i feel and how much more energized ive become because of ppl around me.  i def still have impostor syndrome all the time but its been so much growth from 23 to 27.

30s should be great because ill be well into my career by then and making even more and closing the gap even more w my boyfriend.  its funny too cause hes 29 now AND FINALLY getting that postgrad quarter life crisis.  his privilege was able to offset him to have this crisis later on in life where he made more money and could make smarter choices.  privilege really is the thing that keeps on giving and im grateful to have started poor and really appreciate it.  as i make more money i also care more and more to give back.  if i ever do run for office in my 50s or whatever im gonna push for more access to education and arts.  i had an interest in this as an undergrad but couldnt pursue it because itd be a lifetime of poverty, but yeah who knows.

dang this went long but it is really interesting when i think about money and how much its effected me.  im lucky i was able to raise myself out of the level my immigrant parents brought me and my sister to.  them moving out of the philippines was the best thing that ever happened to me.  the second is them fronting the bill for my university education.  the privilege i have is extremely special and important and i want to honor their sacrifices because im sitting on a 100k because of decades of hard work and frugality on their ends.

im fucking lucky.

we gotta pass on the resources and uplift those around us if we are fortunate.  

...another rant altogether but i wish the leadership in the United States thought the same way. 

(end: 4:36am, why do i do this to myself)

[sandiabear]

Are 8 am classes really that bad in College?

Lately, I’ve been noticing some master posts talking about how bad 8 am classes are and to avoid them at all costs. Unfortunately, it’s going to be hard to avoid those class times throughout your time in college (if you manage to avoid them your whole college career then go you!). It sucks to get up early after working on assignments all night or staying up socializing. In this post, I will tell you some of the positives of these classes as well as tips to help you stay awake if you end up in an 8 am class.

I will note however it’s your choice at the end of the day as it’s your education, not mine. Test it out at least and see if it would actually benefit you in the long run.

Positives of early morning classes:

Better chance to get enrolled into the class. Obviously, everyone will be trying to get into the later class in the day so you’ll be fighting fewer students to get a seat in the class.

Get classes out of the way to enjoy the rest of the day. Having classes in the morning means getting them out of the way to have free time for the rest of the day. Done with classes for the day at 12:30? You can enjoy lunch off campus with friends, start on your assignments ASAP (and hopefully not pull an all-nighter). Done at 3 pm? Can still go out shopping or watch a movie with a friend (which you can’t always do with an evening lecture)! Be sure to get your assignments done during this time, as you will need to go to at a reasonable time to get up the next day.

It can improve your productivity. Having to wake up early for classes in the morning can help you be more productive. There is less noise for you to relax (unless you live in the city like me and deal with traffic -.-) and you have time to get ready than running about last minute (though it will happen in the beginning). I’ll admit, you might be grumpy for a bit needing to get up early; over time, however, you will begin to get used to waking up at an early time and gain energy to get through the day.

Improves Mental Health. Some of my family and friends, as well as I, have noticed that when I got up earlier, I tend to feel better than when I wake up later in the day (though I’ll be honest, there are days I can’t get up; read side note below). Being able to wake up early can possibly over time improve your mental health and you might begin to feel more positive on the day. And over time, hopefully, you don’t find yourself rushing to class or an important meeting as your body has gotten used to getting up earlier than at 12 pm.

Side Note: Of course, this might not be for everyone, I cannot speak for everyone with a mental disorder. For those with anxiety with like me, being able to get up early may help you better prepare the day and handle it better. I’ll admit though there are those days where I wake up early and I still want to be in bed and not go out. Usually, I end up forcing myself when it’s school or work related but otherwise I stay in. But it’s important to continue improving ourselves, I believe we’ll make it through.

Ways to be alert in your morning class:

Look at reviews of the professors (e.g. RateMyProfessor). Now I know it’s something that shouldn’t always be done as the reviews aren’t always accurate, but from experience, they can give a good insight of what the professor is like. You might be deciding between two professors who are offering an 8 am either MW or TTH, and one might be reading out of a textbook the whole time while the other is actually giving insight lectures.

 Note: If the professors in the morning don’t suit your needs compared to another with a later class, then go with the professor who suits you. It’s best to have a professor who catches your attention than one who does not.

How interesting is the subject?

Very Interesting! If the subject already captures your attention, AWESOME you have an advantage! Jot your notes down as you normally would and do your best to stay awake to learn more interesting facts on the subject. Bring a snack like fruits, nuts, or a bagel if you’re still trying to get used to an early schedule. Also, don’t forget to bring water to keep yourself hydrated.

Not so interesting… As mentioned above, bring a healthy snack (ex. apples + peanut butter) or gum if you feel uncomfortable eating in class. Bring water to keep you hydrated and awake and if needed, coffee/tea for an extra boost. Do your best to focus on the lecture and chew your snack to help you focus more (Most professors don’t mind you snacking in class, however, there are those few who do mind so check on the syllabus or ask the professors if it’s ok if you’re unsure).

Get a good night of rest. (I know, I sound like your mom saying this) I know it’s hard to at times of final papers and socializing late, but you need to sleep on time. Try your best to finish your assignments early and not procrastinate until the night before it’s due. If you’re staying up late then you might begin to struggle in class (I only say might because I know a very few who can function without sleep… but still SLEEP for your health)

Stated already but once again, BRING. WATER. Buy a water container like a hydroflask or something so you can refill throughout the day. (Even if you don’t have an early class still bring water as you can doze off any time of the day)

As stated before, it’s your choice at the end whether to take a morning class or not. Like stated there will be those moments you may not be able to avoid it. If this post helped then awesome! If not then its cool, you do you. Either way, I wish you the best of luck in college!

This is my first time making a post like this so if you have any other input to add please do :) This is kind of my farewell to uni as Spring ‘17 is my final semester as an undergrad so keep an eye out for more advice posts from a soon to be graduate! 

[adambstingus]

Ask A Pro: Does Birthday Sex Count As A Present For My Boyfriend?

Dear Head Pro,

I read your advice like its my life and you always seem to know what to do. I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month and our relationship is exclusive hookup/borderline dating — we’ve been out on one official date and have spent a lot of time together. His bday is coming up super soon and I have NO IDEA what to get him. I really want it to work out between us (i.e. don’t want there to be any pressure because that does more harm than good) and don’t want to get the wrong thing and disappoint him/freak him out. I also don’t want it to look like I’m trying too hard but want to make sure I show the right amount of effort. He knows I like him but I’ve never actually told him that. He is super generous to me and I don’t want him to see what I give him as me being cheap. Do I go for the sexy or sweet? What should be my budget? More importantly, given our current stage in the relationship what is the most appropriate gift to give? Plz help, I’m dying here.

Xoxo, Birthday Sex or what….

Dear Sure, Why Not,

Man, birthdays are really fucking weird, when you think about it. They make sense for children — kids are dumb and dont accomplish anything and thus are largely (and rightly) ignored, so its nice to let them have a special day once in a while. But as adults? Its like, Congratulations, you made it another 365 days in a first-world country without dying! Lets all go out to an annoying group dinner (split checks plz). Adding sex to the equation makes it even weirder — My vagina is available to you on demand, but how about I get you something youd ACTUALLY like?

I dont think the needlessly delicate nature of your relationship matters (as an aside, if youre hanging out and fucking on the reg and yet you think telling him you like him will torpedo the relationship, stop and think for a minute about what that says about him). It should be somewhat personal, and should reflect the fact that youre in an intimate relationship — an Applebees gift card aint gonna cut it, not that it ever does. As for budget, that depends on where you are in life. If youre broke-ass college students, Id say keep it under $50. If youre real adults, keep it under $100.

My vote is a nice bottle of booze, his favorite if youre privy to that information. If youre in college, replace nice bottle of booze with a case of beer thats not Natty Light. A girl I was dating in college got me one of those once (Miller High Life — THE CHAMPAGNE OF BOTTLED TEARS), and it was at least two weeks before I dumped her and started fucking someone else. Otherwise, get him a bottle of scotch, actually go out for dinner, and maybe let him touch your butthole or something.

Feliz Cumpleanos,

Head Pro

Hey Head Pro,

I recently moved to a new city where I didn’t previously know anyone for grad school. I’ve made some good friends at school, but its been pretty boring (read: nonexistent) on the guy front and I don’t want to shit where I eat since 1. grad school is basically high school all over again and the rumor mill is an active one, and 2. I spend enough fucking time with these people and it would be nice to date someone outside the bubble.

Any tips on how to meet people thats not a blackout at a bar situation or on a dating app? I’m also super busy with school so it’s not like I’ve got plenty of time to dedicate, but I’m going a little crazy from boredom so I need some sort of remedy. Help me with your infinite wisdom!

Bored in the Bubble

Dear Bubble Girl,

Christ, what grad school do you go to where its basically high school? If thats the case, can we all stop putting on airs and and accept grad school for the tremendous time- and money-suck that it is (unless you intend to add a PhD to the end of your name, that is)? This is the endgame of the stupid educational arms race were experiencing, where every mouth-breathing townie feels like they have to have an advanced degree to qualify for a job as a bank teller. There are still ditches that need to be dug, yknow?

Anyway, Im a little baffled as to how youre unable to meet people on a college campus in a major city. If I found myself in that situation, I would literally die from sexual exhaustion, and probably flunk out of my Masters in Organic Social Community Building. WORTH IT. Youre also doing that fun thing where you expressly state that you arent interested in taking advantage of the convenient resources that most people appreciate (i.e., bars, dating apps and your social circle). Thats like saying I dont believe in killing animals and I dont like the taste of meat, but I want a hamburger — please advise.

Since Im assuming youre on or near campus, there are probably about 1,000 groups, clubs and activities you could get involved in. There are also recreational and intramural sports, if youre the sporting type. Unfortunately, anything like that is going to demand some of your time (which youll have plenty of after your first year, if you dont already), but again youre sour on the resources that dont. What do you do for fun? Do you paint? Jog? Write? Yoga? Act out erotic Scream Queens fan fiction in your living room? Whatever it is youre into, I guarantee theres a like-minded group of students (both grad and undergrad) who are into the same things.

That will entail mixing your personal hobbies with your love life, but sometimes you have to make some compromises to get what you want in life — like going to grad school, for instance.

Scholarly Kisses,

Head Pro

Head Pro is required wants to answer your questions about life, love and birthday sex. Email him at headpro@betches.com for advice.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/ask-a-pro-does-birthday-sex-count-as-a-present-for-my-boyfriend/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172055697002

[miasanfamilie]

angrycorgi(.)tumblr(.)com/post/159546506957/the-lovely-flutist-instrumentastrology-once :( How did you do it?

the answer is not easily, but i can sort of give you a run-down of everything that happened step-by-step (including getting into music school and getting funding for both my undergrad and masters plus where i’m at now), but it’s definitely a mixture of luck, debt, networking, and work so… (this got REALLY long so i’m going to put it under a break)

when i was in middle school/high school, my grandparents actually in place of birthday presents paid for my lessons with a private teacher once a week, which is how i was able to get audition prep and stuff pre-university. as far as reed-making supplies go, i actually won most of my most basic stuff (like my first two knives and my tip-clipper and my cane until i started undergrad) from my teacher – she had a practice chart where if you were the person in her studio who clocked the most hours between practicing and listening, you’d get points you could save up to buy things from her like tapes of oboists and reed-making tools and oboe reed earrings and stuff like that. so that’s how i got the most basic basic supplies (plus saving staples from store-bought reeds, so i at least had enough stuff to get-by with, even though it wasn’t great or super high quality… it was functional at least and cheaper than continually buying reeds).

going into university, because my family was so low on the financial scale i got fee-waivers from applications by CollegeBoard, so any school that used the common app i got free applications to. i did one big giant audition trip which was me hitting 5 schools in one weekend like literally just roadtripping across the midwest of the usa to hit as many schools as i could for as low a cost as possible and then i worked out with the other 3 non-local schools i auditioned for to mail them cds instead which my band director was able to record for me in our bandroom over lunch. so my ultimate expenditure into all my college auditions was about $300 for gas for the giant roadtrip plus $10 for shipping the cds, which was a lot of money, but uhh, yay grandparents again on that one… i got into a music conservatory and with financial aid and student loans and a huge academic scholarship plus working the maximum student allowance of 20 hours a week, i managed to attend (going into a lot of debt in the process). instead of doing resume-building orchestral experience stuff over the summers, i worked, which definitely took a bit of a toll on my playing, but on the other hand, it meant i had a nice extra $5000-ish of income just from summer work to put foward towards school and expenditures for the upcoming year. i basically saved up for one major piece of equipment a year (each piece was around $300), so that was my new set of staples for both oboe and english horn plus a shaper/shaper tip, the W.R.I.S.T. (it’s a weight-support system that is the only thing that lets me physically hold english horn because of an arm injury), i don’t really remember what all else i got but basically all my reed-making tools i invested in to buy a big chunk at a time, and my university had a public stash of thread and sharpening stones and a gouger and cane splitter and stuff so i used my university’s tools for 90% of the stuff.

i didn’t have an instrument when i started university, and i actually only bought mine my fourth year of undergrad. i borrowed from my high school, and then borrowed again from my university until i had enough money saved up for an oboe of my own. i shopped around for my oboe and ended up getting my instrument from an instrument-supply store in minneapolis (which was close enough to my university i stopped buy there on my way back from christmas break and stayed with a friend so it didn’t cost me extra to do the trials), and during the month i agreed to purchase it in, the particular model of oboe i ended up purchasing (a Howarth XL) was on sale 10% discount, plus they gave me an additional $500 discount for paying with a check. so the way i managed to get my oboe paid-off was by increasing my student loans to cover half of the price of the instrument (since i was studying music, it counted as a school expenditure), and sourcing the other half from money that i’d been saving up basically throughout my entire college career. and i still don’t own an english horn (i’ve been borrowing ones from people when i’ve needed it, and it’s kiiiiiinda bad because i lose out on a LOT of work without one, but on the other hand, there’s no way i have $15000 for another instrument)…

grad school audition fees were also waived because of socioeconomic status, and i flew on discount airlines to get to my auditions and made sure ALL my audition location choices were somewhere where i had friends to stay with – so i basically got free overnights/food/etc and just had to pay for the flights, and that’s how i managed to JUST BARELY scrape auditions for grad school (and i mean just barely, like living week-to-week paycheck-wise to cover rent). my grad school was also fairly expensive, but i got a scholarship and then actually applied for funding from various other young artist support systems, so i got a couple of very small grants from things like the rotary club and churches who i agreed to give recitals for in exchange for a small sum of money to put towards my schooling basically. and then took out another HUGE chunk of student loans. and kept working 20 hours a week still.

and then during grad school (and now), basically my life turned into a LOT of networking – both for music work and for patrons. so i have a fixed patron now, who in exchange for about quarterly personal soirees plus updates on my career gives me a chunk of money every month to fund my musical endeavors, and in addition i have a lot of freelancing work i’ve arranged just by meeting people and making connections and taking auditions for sub-spots on orchestral lists (once you get called up two or three times and do well for work, you get a lot more calls which is nice), and then i STILL work a part-time non-music job to cover the rest of my expenses basically, so i can live in vienna and not die or miss paying off one of my many bills between rent/utilities/student loan repayment/medical expenses/etc. and i make an effort to save up enough money for travel expenses to one audition every 2-3 months, which is not as many as would really be ideal, since i’m still looking for some sort of at least contracted orchestral position, but is better than nothing given the circumstances. and i mean, last year with my increased medical expenses and expenditures in LONDON (because london is so damn expensive), i hit the wall where i did not have enough money to be able to afford everything, which is why i crowd-funded an emergency $2000 to cover those two months of rent and inner-city travel and medical treatment (and obviously put all my audition plans and everything on super-massive hold while i was just trying to survive)

i budget my food VERY tightly (like spend less than 20 euros a week on food maximum), i have a very good deal on my housing for what i have, and basically, my patron gives me the money i need for travel expenditures to get to/from auditions. and i’m still living pretty close to paycheck-to-paycheck, not entirely, but my amount of savings is like $1000 at this point so if an emergency WERE to come up, i’d be pretty toast, so *knocks on wood*. so yeah – a mixture of luck, obsessive pre-planning when it comes to budgeting (like i’d been setting aside money for my oboe for about 5 years by the time i bought it and it just about cleared me completely out), a TON of work outside the profession (including sacrificing a lot of playing time and opportunities to be able to continue studying), and like… a lot of raw willpower to not give up under extreme financial stress

it wasn’t fun and it wasn’t really easy… but when i got my performance injury my freshman year of university (i should point out here i have a non-music degree as well as my music degree from undergrad so i was studying other things and had/have other options academically), i basically decided that i’d be willing to sacrifice like…literally anything for my career, including my physical and mental health and financial stability, and i’ve basically done that and kinda sorta scraping by as i go??? and i’m really quite far from some concept of financial stability and from actually being a full-time orchestral musician, but i take what i can when i can, and am still working really hard on getting to some sort of real position so hopefully things’ll work out in the not-too-far-off-future… but yeah, that was my specific scenario (like i know my leg-up with my grandparents covering my lessons was huge pre-music-school, but after that i’ve been paying 100% of my own expenses for my own existence), and i’m also still like $50000 in debt from studying which i’m very very slowly paying off, but hopefully eventually i will have a high enough paying music job that i’ll be able to pay that all back……… yeah

[boldadulting]

This Is How You Prepare for Grad School Interviews: 4 Steps to Get Confident and Make a Killer Impression

So, you got a grad school interview, or maybe 2 (or 5? You're going to be tired!). 

First of all, huge congratulations! Tons of people apply to each graduate program and just the fact that you got an interview is already a great sign.

But now you might be feeling nervous because now you're actually going to be meeting the very people who will ultimately decide whether you get to go to grad school. 

Don't think you're alone and don't take your nerves as a bad sign. Not feeling very confident is not a sign that you're worse than everyone else! You'll feel better when you've done some prep work. You'll also feel better when you really take to heart that low confidence is incredibly common among talented people.

So I'm going to tell you:

How to prepare for grad school interviews

Disclaimer: This is based on my experience and experiences I've heard about. I'm most familiar with interviews for programs that are:

life sciences

PhD program

rotations-based (you try out different labs before choosing one)

on the West Coast

where recruits aren't admitted till after interviews

If you have experience with other types of interviews or your interview experience is different than what I describe, please comment or email me about your experience and advice.

1. Prepare yourself for imposter syndrome

Grad school interviews are a perfect breeding ground for imposter syndrome [see note 1].

You may have been one of the best students at your undergrad college, and suddenly you're among the other students who were also the best at their school.

Or maybe you don't think you were actually that great of an undergrad student and now you're feeling like they must have invited you to interviews by mistake.

How will you convince them to give you one of the limited spots, when you're not even that sure yourself that you're good enough?

Stay tuned for a separate blog post about imposter syndrome at recruitment but in the meantime, here are a few tips:

prepare as much as possible. You'll feel less afraid if you know you've prepared

remember that everyone is putting their best foot forward

"never compare your insides to everyone else's outsides" - author Anne Lamott

be open about the fact that you're not feeling very confident (talk to your undergrad mentors, friends, and family before you go. If you want extra bold points, you can try talking to fellow recruits or grad students about it at interviews [but first, see note 2]

remind yourself you don't have to be perfect to get into grad school

Now, let's talk about the actual dynamics of interviews. Most interviews will be 30-60 minutes (and you may have ~3-8 interviews per recruitment weekend). You'll spend part of the time talking about your research; part talking about theirs. To be ready, you'll want to:

2. Practice explaining your research

The most important part of your prep work is making sure you can talk about your research project(s). Hopefully you've been working on a research project for a while and have a general understanding of the background of it. You may be worried that you don't know it well enough, but don't worry, you just have to review a few key things.

Grab a piece of paper (or follow my example and use an Excel spreadsheet to set it up) and make categories:

what was already known before you started (or before the lab started the project)

why the project matters – what will the project help us understand better? E.g. if you're studying a gene, what cellular pathways are you helping us understand?

big picture significance – relate it to what even a non-scientist would care about (E.g. does the gene have some tangential relationship to Alzheimer's disease? Does the process you're developing relate in some way to smartphone technology?)

what we planned to do

what we did – what did you actually get done (this may differ than what you planned because of unexpected results or because you ran out of time)

what was your role - this is especially important if you were working in a team or were helping someone with part of their project

results

conclusions – what can you infer from your results? Are you particularly excited about some part of it?

next steps – what are you going to do when you get back from interviews, or what would you do if you could keep working on the project (or what did the people who picked up the project do next)? Think of some immediate next steps and some loftier ones [see note 3].

Make bullet points next to each one to fill in as much as you know. Don't worry that you don't know all of the answers; you now have a very good sense of what you know and what you don't know.

To fill in the blanks:

look back at the papers you were given when you just joined the lab

find new relevant articles

do some googling

talk to people in your lab

And don't feel like you need to have all the answers because:

it's ok to not know something

you'll have multiple chances:

You have lots of interviews (~3-8 faculty members per recruitment weekend) so you can course-correct if you realize there's part that you didn't prepare. Can you ask your mentor in lab to try to stay available by text for any last minute questions?

You'll likely have at least a few minutes between interviews and while the time is best spent finding your next interview and taking some deep breaths, you can probably do a bit of googling to find the answer you suddenly realized you needed. (Though honestly, the deep breathes might serve you better.)

If it's possible to set up your interview schedule so that the first program you interview at isn't your dream program, this can give you a great chance to practice before it really matters most.

Now that you have your cheat sheet mostly filled out, what do you do with it?

You're going to want to prepare different versions of your explanation:

A. 1 sentence - simplified, bigger picture

What's the general topic of your project? It may be helpful here to relate your project to areas that even people outside the field know a lot about.

This is most useful for brief interactions with other recruits or when meeting professors or grad students at low-stakes social events. This is your research elevator pitch.

B. 1-2 minute - a basic explanation of your project

Why does it matter?

What (broadly) did you do?

What did you find?

This is most useful for expanding if someone seems interested after you give your 1 sentence explanation.

This is also a great starting point for when a professor who's interviewing says “tell me about your project.” It gives the main point and gives the other person the opportunity to ask more questions, possibly leading to:

C. 4-5 minute - a more in-depth explanation

For this longer explanation, practice giving an overview using any and all aspects of the sections you outlined in the exercise above. Although you may practice going through this whole thing, remember that everything you're practicing here will be part of a conversation, not a monologue.

Be prepared to be interrupted, and don't expect to go in order. If you memorize this like a script you might be thrown off when the person you're talking to cuts in to ask clarifying questions or to throw in their own ideas, so think of this as more of a collection of ideas that you can pull from.

Practice each kind of explanation (A, B, C) until it feels comfortable. The next blog post will give you more info about how to deal if you realize you can't answer a question, but the takeaway is: don't panic! You don't have to know everything. In fact, I bet most professors are way more interested in how you respond when you don't know the answer than how many answers you know.

3. Prepare to talk about yourself

Whenever you're going on interviews, regardless of whether they're for grad school or “real world” jobs, you need to be prepared to give a brief introduction to yourself. This is another elevator pitch that you should have ready.

When we're asked about ourselves, it can feel awkward—how can we possibly sum up the complex being that we've become after ~25 years on this Earth? But the person you're talking to wants to get to know you, and it's up to you to help them [see note 4].

A few possible topics you might consider sharing about yourself:

where you come from

what you majored in

what topic you're interested in studying in grad school (if you aren't sure, don't panic [and see note 5]! Choose a few topics you find more interesting than others and be honest about the fact that you're still open to different topics)

how did you become interested in that subject

what do you do for fun/to relax

Many interviews with faculty are much more like a casual conversation than a formal interview so be ready to chat with them how you would any human you're making polite conversation with.

4. Prepare to discuss the faculty members' research

A lot of people worry about how much they need to know about the professor's research. You likely can request the faculty members you want to meet with and get a list of who you'll be meeting with ahead of time. This is great, you get all this information so you can prepare ahead of time!

Uh wait, if you have all this information ahead of time, does that mean you need to become an expert on all of their research? No. That is absolutely not the expectation.

So how much should you prepare?

First of all, most interviews will be fine even if you don't know anything about their research. They probably don't expect you to know their research because:

many faculty don't have a good sense of how interview weekends are set up, so they may not know if you had advance notice

while most programs will try to match you with people you're interested in, you'll also end up with a few people you didn't ask for (note, these can either be truly random people or they may be on the admissions committee)

they'll be telling you about their research anyway

However, if you want a truly rich interview, it's a great idea to know at least a little about the research of your interviewer.

First, let's talk about how to prepare for people you're meeting with who you LOVE—those dream professors who are the whole reason you want to go to that program in the first place [but see note 6].

For these professors, I would recommend reading several abstracts and/or a full article of theirs in some depth. No, you don't need to understand all of their methods (in fact, asking them about a method you didn't understand is a great conversation jumping-off point).

But with those extra special professors, you want to show them that you're really invested, that you've thought about their project, and that you can think critically about research.

How to prepare for most faculty you'll meet with (these are the ones who you're open to working with but don't feel super strongly about)?

For these, it's usually sufficient to read their research descriptions on their website. (Though keep in mind that lab websites are notoriously out of date, so you may be reading about research they aren't doing anymore. But that doesn't matter because they'll still see you cared enough to prepare.)

You should at least be able to say from memory what their topic is (especially because other recruits and grad students will ask and it's a bit awkward to have no idea what to say in response).

Whether you read a whole paper, a few abstracts, or just a research description, you want to come ready with some questions to ask. Possible ones:

Why did you use [technique/cell type/etc]?

How does ___ relate to ____

I remember learning about ___ in my classes. How is this related to that topic?

What did you do next?

Have you thought about doing ___? (note that this is a varsity level question! If you can't think of anything to ask in this form of question, it's ok!)

Would [other method] have also worked to answer this question?

Why did you choose this area of study? (Note, I would say this is probably the weakest question in the group)

Was this done all in your lab or do you collaborate at all with other labs?

Arguably the hardest part of each interview is when the professor tells you about their research project. Some of them are awesome at explaining it for people outside the field; others are not!

Don't beat yourself up if you have a hard time with this part. We're very used to passively taking in information in class. It's a whole different ball game when a professor tells you about their research and suddenly you're having an impromptu discussion about it.

What do you do if the professor says something you don't understand?

Nod along, pretending to know?

Interrupt?

I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle. You can't really interrupt them constantly, and sometimes their next sentence will address your question. But you do have to get used to interrupting them a bit, or at least showing on your face that you don't understand. It's going to get awkward at some point if you're totally lost and you don't admit it.

You can practice with a friend or a lab mate: ask them to tell you about a topic that they know more about than you do, and practice politely interrupting when you aren't sure what they mean. You can also switch roles so that you

get used to being interrupted and having questions asked

see what it's like to be interrupted so you can determine what feels polite and what you should avoid

When you're in your interview, don't be nervous if the professor is writing while they're talking to you, or even if they're filling out a form. Don't assume they're making a list of everything you're doing wrong! They're meeting with a lot of students, and the notes are there to help them remember how awesome you are!

This blog post was about how to prepare ahead of time for interviews. Stay tuned next week for tips for how to behave when you're actually there! Future blog posts on this topic will address:

dealing with imposter syndrome at recruitment weekends

what to do if you didn't get into the program of your dreams (or even anywhere)

how to decide if you should even go to grad school

other topics you ask me to write about

Now it's your turn to weigh in!

Are you about to interview?

What questions do you have?

What are you most nervous about?

What are you most excited about?

What are you doing to prepare?

Just went through the process or did a while ago?

What was your experience like?

What advice can you give?

What do you wish you had done differently?

What did you do that worked well?

Notes:

1. Imposter syndrome is the experience of feeling unprepared for the job that you have or for the one you're trying to get.

2. Just be careful to not put yourself at a disadvantage by talking as though you actually are worse than others. For example, say “I don't feel very confident because all the other recruits seems so impressive!” rather than “I don't feel very confident because I have so much less research experience than everyone else and I wasn't a very good student in college.” Also don't be surprised if the person you're talking to doesn't open up the same way. In my experience, most people will be very open about their own experiences with imposter syndrome if you share first. However, some people may not feel comfortable opening up themselves. (Or you may be meeting one of the rare people who don't get much imposter syndrome. Yay to them for escaping the awfulness of low confidence! Don't let yourself feel worse about yourself as a result.)

3. For example, an immediate next step could be to troubleshoot something, to do a similar experiment but with one key change (such as use a different gene knockout), or to search in the literature for something you need to be able to proceed. A loftier next step is something that is more out of reach or would take a lot more planning/money. For example, set up a collaboration with someone who works with a different model organism, use some equipment that your lab can't actually afford now, or create a whole new protocol.

4. As an aside—this is also something that comes up in dating profiles. Some people will write in dating profiles that rather than giving a summary of themselves, they invite everyone who sees the profile to ask them questions. That's not a great start to an interaction. You're basically requiring the other person to get to know you without any context to start with.

5. There's actually an awesome (NSFW) podcast called Don't Panic Podcast. I kept thinking of it every time I wrote "don't panic" so I had to send you towards it. Just be careful--at the time of this writing, the picture on their homepage is a tad NSFW (not safe for work). It's not about grad school but it is about honest conversations about dealing with what life throws at you (mostly focused on dating and sex, but also about mental and physical health). 6. Be wary about joining a graduate program to work with a specific faculty member if there's not a guarantee that you'll be able to join their lab. Lots of people find they can't join the lab they dreamed of and you want to make sure there are at least a few labs you'll be happy in.