#first advice post

[lore-grandma]

How fucking dare, you come into my house, fuck my wife and you don’t even offer any of your bean dip casserole?!

[nullyisgoinginsane]

A shot in the head doesn't make it un-break.

[equill]

Another Otsutsuki?!

we’re messing up the timeline for this one. (I lost this crack idea but then it came back… the abyss stare back and I jumped in.)

anyways, now some kids meeting the new kid

Panel 1: There’s something wrong here.

Comic 1: Attention.

they’re both in the same boat

Comic 2: Day Off (with confusion.)

he just a little insecure,, (kakashi still told him to get it together)

back to the future now

Comic 3: What. (huh?)

Panel 2: very tiny.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

There's nothing he can't do. Yet.

(Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll!)

[mumblingsage]

Product Recommendation: Surviving the Respiratory Crud Edition

Various unpleasant viruses and stuff are going around, and I think I got the mild version - it's not COVID and in my case didn't even include a fever, just a ton of congestion and a nagging cough. It's been a week and I'm on the recovery upswing but still not there yet. The good news is I can forget, for hours at a time, that I'm ill, thanks to taking these products on the scheduled doses. And Robitussin wasn't lying when they said their raspberry is 'better tasting': it still tastes like cold medicine, but is strikingly palatable and minimally cloying (identical taste in both this and the longer-lasting nighttime formula). I can also attest it got me through my bought of COVID last year.

The Throat Coat sweet ginger fennel, meanwhile, is like candy. Naturally mentholated candy, which might feel a bit weird but in a very good way when it's simultaneous numbing your throat and cold-steaming open your sinuses (that's how it feels to me, anyway). Throat Coat does a tea that I'm enjoying, too, which doesn't taste like medicine at all but just a soothing, not-too-sweet but not-at-all-bitter herbal tea.

Anyway, this is a recommendation if you have the time and means to stock up before the crud gets you, and because it was a nice surprise to find cold medicine that's not only quickly effective but also tastes fine.

[ineffable-romantics]

I have admired the work of the amazing @anotherwellkeptsecret for YEARS, following her originally from the height of my Sherlock obsession all the way until now where she has (to my delight!) crossed over into Good Omens as well.

She also just had a baby!!!! So partly as a congratulations, partly as a thank you for being such an artistic inspiration, and partly so I could practice my own digital art techniques and play with Procreate for the first time, I asked if she would allow me the privilege of coloring some of her favorite pages from her comics while she's on maternity leave. And she said yes!

But she asked me to pick my favorites instead. So I took her at her word and chose one favorite page from each of the ten comics I have saved and loved over the years.

Exactly two weeks later (and in no particular order) here is the final result!! I am so grateful to Kelley for letting me do this, and I have discovered so much about my own style and what I like (excessive lights, apparently lol). I hope you guys like them as much as I do, and please please please go support Kelley's tumblr and Patreon, she absolutely deserves the world. 💕

---

One Night in Bangor (And The World's Your Oyster)

(more art below cut)

Oh What A Night

The Losing Side

(Sequel to Oh What A Night)

Points Of Interest

(Sequel to Oh What A Night and The Losing Side)

Who Wants To Live Forever

That Certain Night

A Romantic Affair

(Sequel to That Certain Night)

As Long As We Both Shall Live

(Sequel to That Certain Night and A Romantic Affair)

Change Of Pace

Temptation Accomplished

[storybookprincess]

this might sound painfully obvious, but the key to not wasting all your money on takeout is keeping food in your house that you like & is easy to prepare

to me, the two big draws of ordering takeout during the week are 1. it tastes good. and 2. it is very low effort. especially as someone who lives with a chronic illness, all of the good intentions to cook a healthy meal every evening are pretty meaningless when i come home exhausted or in pain. and it's an exercise in futility to keep attempting that & then getting frustrated with myself when i fail. eating at home needs to be both easy and appealing, or it's simply not going to happen. and i'm going to order takeout

for me, this boils down into two main practices. first, when i'm feeling up for it, i like to batch cook on the weekends. i make a big serving of something that will keep well in the fridge for several days, and then just reheat it in the evenings. and when i'm not well enough to cook, it means ensuring that i have pre-prepared food on hand that requires no effort beyond sticking it in the oven

the key to success with this method is the following: the food needs to be something i will genuinely enjoy eating. sure, it probably won't be quite as good as a meal made by a professional in a restaurant, but it does have to be tasty & satisfying. again, the first appeal of takeout is simply that it tastes good

and most important of all, we CANNOT let perfect be the enemy of good. "but liv! are you really just telling me to keep a package of dumplings in my freezer to eat during the week? is that really healthy or cost effective?" well, if your options are the frozen dumplings or takeout, then comparatively, yeah, it is probably healthier or cheaper or both. we don't live in an ideal world. we live in this one. and we need to work within the parameters of the real world rather than aspiring for an ultimately unreachable ideal and then getting mad at ourselves when we fail.

tl;dr: to stop overspending on takeout, keep food on hand that you want to eat and requires minimal effort to prepare. that's it. and don't let imaginary rules and standards sabotage you along the way.

[demaparbat-hp]

Zuko was a child when he met Agni. Then, the spirits started coming to him. Eyes hidden in the hallways, voices pleading for help, for recognition, for remembrance.

Zuko could see Agni. He could see the broken remains of a Great Spirit and the empty smiles of amnesiac ghosts.

And they could see him in return.

[dawnthefluffyduck]

feeling of being watched

[katapotato55]

how to make your writing be remembered forever and possibly be well loved.

(incredibly stupid and silly fanfiction line at the end of this post) I know that title is incredibly daunting but listen, its very simple. you ready?

MAKE STRONG CHARACTERS

"but kat! surely its not that simple! " nononono listen. bear with me. I want you to think of your favorite thing. Now ask: what do you remember the most about the thing you love? I will go first:

I love team fortress 2. and guess what: this game has been around since 2007, and was in development hell since before I was even born. The game has been around for 16 fucking years. And guess what? in the strong year of 2023 team fortress 2 Is STILL getting memed about. and do you want to know the crazy part? the character designs to the naked eye are not special at all. ok sure from a designer standpoint, these are very well designed characters made so that you can easily tell who they are based on their silhouette. but from the average joe.... tf2 is iconic but overall it looks ok. it doesn't seem special to a stranger to tf2. look at this completely random and arbitrary example of a game in the same genre:

I don't know shit about the characters in overwatch. Yeah i have a BASIC idea on what their personality is like based on voice lines and some videos i guess... but in-game they just exist. these characters are brightly colored, they have beautiful unique designs, hell they have even more diversity such as robots and people from other cultures! but i don't remember shit about these characters. Maybe I remember the ice lady and tracer, but nothing else. and yeah part of overwatch struggling right now is incompetant development, BUT: The characters in team fortress 2 are SO remember-able because the characters have such a vibrant personality. I am an orange box owner, its been a decade and a half and I am still remembering this game and enjoying art about it.

"but kat! that is a comedy game! Overwatch is a very serious game! are you saying comedy is needed to make a character more noticeable?" no. though I think allowing your characters to lighten up every now and then would humanize them. Not full on goofy, just give them something that makes them likeable. and if you cant do that, you can STILL make a compelling character even though they are mostly seriousness. I have an even more awfully thought out example:

kung fu panda is a masterclass in making a serious comedic movie somehow work. Master Oogway.... he isn't a comedic character at all. Yeah we made memes about him, but ignoring that, he is a wise and resourceful person. He is at calm and has faith in this intuition. there are a lot of characters like this. What makes Oogway stand out is that he is also a little bit kooky and sassy.

this youtube clip sums up what I mean. It is a funny line, it fits the character, and It doesn't ruin the seriousness of the moment. Some of the most successful series in history have something about them that has appealed to people. In my opinion: characters with strong personality and interesting traits is always a good way to ensure your writing is successful. The second most important is the characters bouncing off of each other in terms of their chemistry with each other. There is a reason why I spent years playing the first Destiny game and all of the DLC, but I remember fuck all about the characters. I think I maybe remember the bootleg star lord robot guy.

A writing exercise

here is an exercise to get you in the spirit of character making. step 1- get a random character from a random bit of media. In this case let me bring you master Oogway. Step 2- Get a completely different character from a completely unrelated series. I am going to give you Scout from team fortress 2. step 3- write a random ass thing about them interacting. Think about how the characters would react to each other and why. Think about each characters values in life and think about how they would bond and conflict with each other. Think about characters similar to the character they met in the past and how they reacted then, and if they have never interacted, make something interesting with it. Step 4- keep experimenting. Once you get into the spirit you can apply this to any new character you could want to make anyways thats it byeee- "arent you going to do that ?" do what? "make a writing thing about oogway and scout. " ........

Scout: let's go turtle you got nothing on my speed- Oogway: The one who first resorts to violence shows that he has no more arguments. Scout: that sounds like chicken talk! come on tough guy let me have it- Oogway then proceeds to make scout eat shit before vanishing in a cloud of cherry blossoms and dust from the desert. If this post isn't popular I want you to know my dignity was lost for nothing.

[iceman-soup]

gn!reader x cap. mactavish

thinking about biting captain mactavish as if i'm a fuckin cat

Biting him as I kiss his neck and his collarbones, nibbling the skin of his throat, my hands in his hair and on his face and tugging his shirt over his head.

Kissing down his torso and biting his chest, nuzzling my nose against it affectionately then nipping at it just enough for him to gasp out in anticipation.

Resting my head on his inner thigh and looking up at him adoringly, breathing soft as he absentmindedly runs a hand through my hair, sitting up properly so I can see the bite marks I've left on him.

Pressing my lips to his stomach, closing my eyes and the corners of my mouth twitching upwards when I gently dig my teeth into his flesh again, his grip on my hair tightening as he sucks in a breath.

My hand undoing his belt with practiced swiftness, and he lifts himself up to let me take off his trousers, his hard on clearly visible in his boxers as I bite the soft skin of his thighs.

[paging-possum]

Need to draw egwene and moonshine now or I die

[dragonpyre]

Me before starting 911: so the captain’s like the team dad. Probably just fandom being fandom

Me watching episode six: oh they were serious

[mikafae]

hyfem & hymasc

hyfem hy(per) fem(inine)

a term for when you present yourself in an extremely effeminate way. not exclusive to female/female-aligned genders, i.e. hyfem boy, hyfem enban.

hymasc hy(per) masc(uline)

a term for when you present yourself in an extremely masculine way. not exclusive to male/male-aligned genders, i.e. hymasc girl, hymasc enban.

[rainbowsmagicandshit]

Fanfic prompt/idea:

Mordred is Emrys (not really tho)

(Super long. TL;DR at bottom)

Someway, somehow, Arthur and his knights (Leon, Elyan, Percy, Gwaine, mordred) + Merlin meet someone while they’re away from the citadel who tells them about Emrys. Might be someone trying to kill them and boasting about the all mighty Emrys or might be a friendly, peaceful magical person who stopped for a chat or something else, choice is yours. Anyway, that night as they eat dinner around the campfire, they start talking about this Emrys. At first they’re like “that’s kooky” and laughing but then Percival speaks up quietly and a bit nervously. He says that while he’s sought sanctuary for the night or a few days in Druid camps before he became a knight, he’s heard about Emrys. Now, everyone is actually interested instead of just laughing it off.

Arthur: tell me more.

Percy: well.. the druids highly respect this man almost as if he’s a deity. I don’t know too much, and it’s been a while. I do remember that everyone knew about him no matter which Druid camp it was, even the children. It seems they tell a lot of stories about him to their young’uns.

Arthur: anything else?

Percy: sorry, sire, that’s all I remember. But if you really want to know more you could try to ask the druids.

They all became quiet and continued to eat, Merlin and Mordred relieved this conversation is over. …Until,

Arthur, remembering Mordred is a Druid: Mordred, you’re a Druid. Do anything about this?

Mordred and Merlin: *sweating bullets just wanting this dangerous topic over with* *glances at each other nervously*

Gwaine: WHA? Mordred, you’re a Druid?! You’ve been hold holdin’ out on us, mate!

Arthur realizes that Mordred’s heritage had not, in fact been a known thing, but they’ve made peace with the druids, it’ll be fine.

Mordred, nervously: oh, um, yes, I am…

The knight all take a few moments to be like “wow… never would’ve guessed” and “aren’t druids normally peaceful people? How you become a knight?”

Arthur, wanting to get things back on track: so, Mordred, do you know anything?

Mordred, nervousness increasing, knowing Merlin doesn’t want Arthur to know who he is, but not wanting to lie to his king, eyes darting between the two and all over the camp: uh…um… I… uh, I..I… I guess, yes. *Merlin’s glare intensifies*

Arthur, not noticing Merlin’s death glare at Mordred: tell me more.

Mordred, trying to figure out what to say to satisfy his king’s curiosity but not incur Emrys’ wrath (Emrys already hates him enough for some reason, he doesn’t want to make it worse): well… um, there’s… well there’s Emrys… and there’s this prophecy involving him. Most druids know of it; it’s centuries old.

Percival: oh, that’s right… Something about a magical king, right?

Mordred: the Once And Future King.

Gwaine: hold on a minute.. that sounds familiar… Ah! That’s right! I heard about it from a storyteller at a tavern once. I thought it was an odd name so it stuck. It’s a love story, right?

Mordred, nervously glancing between Merlin and Arthur (Merlin now looking at Gwaine with exasperation): um… I don’t know if that’s what it is.. but there definitely is a deep bond between Emrys and the Once And Future King.

Arthur: continue.

Mordred, trying to stay focused on Arthur instead of the once again glaring warlock beside him: so the prophecy says that the Once And Future King will unite the land of Albion, return magic to the land, and bring about a golden age of peace and prosperity for all. And Emrys is foretold to help him. * internally: please let be enough to satisfy him🥺😣😖*

Elyan: so the stories are about this king and Emrys is just there to help?

Mordred, sweating: um…

Gwaine: if that’s the case shouldn’t you druids be worshiping the king instead?

Sounds of agreement around the fire.

Leon to Mordred: is there more to us than that?

Mordred, under curious and intense gazes again: uh, yes… Emrys is a very powerful, immoral warlock said to—

“IMMORTAL??!!!” Merlin squawked, surprised.

Mordred, very nervous, whispers: ….um…yes………. *telepathically: did you not know?*

Merlin, telepathically: I am not immoral.

Mordred, telepathically: it’s what the prophecies say

Merlin, telepathically: they’re wrong

Mordred, telepathically: …um,, there’s a lot who say you are.

Merlin, telepathically: No. I’m NOT. I can’t be immortal. That’s ridiculous.

Mordred, telepathically: they say you are. That’s why the call you Emrys.

Merlin and Mordred continue to glare and the knights and Arthur look on wondering when those two got close enough to communicate only looks and without talking. Arthur is not jealous. Not. At. All. That would be ridiculous.(Yes he is, he’s the only one who’s supposed to communicate with Merlin silently. How dare Mordred)

Suddenly Merlin stands up: I’m going to wash the dishes *aggressively goes around the camp and grabs everyone’s dishes, then stomps into the woods to a nearby stream*

Arthur: you were saying Mordred?

Mordred: oh, right! Yes, so Emrys is said to be the most powerful warlock to ever live. He and the Once And Future King are said to be equals and without him the Golden Age can’t happen. While the Once And Future King is the king, Emrys is said to be his advisor and teacher of sorts. He also protects the Once And Future King and supports him any way he can.

The knights and king look thoughtful taking in this information. They ask Mordred more questions, just little stuff and clarifications, and Mordred, relaxing that he’s getting through this without blowing Emrys’ identity let it slip that “the time of the prophecy is upon us” and that Arthur is said to be the Once And Future King. Whoops.

Everyone around the campfire is now totally interested in this and wanting to know if it’s true and Mordred’s like “um… yeah, that’s what everyone is saying…” and REALLY wanting this conversation to be over with before he slips up about Merlin. He’s also really glad Merlin is still washing their dishes far enough away that he can’t hear the conversation.

Of course, just as Gwaine asks “if Arthur’s this Once And Future King, the where’s this Emrys guy?” Merlin returns in time to hear it.

Merlin, glaring at Mordred: what?

Mordred, telepathically: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! 🥺

The group fills Merlin in on what he missed while Mordred continues to apologize endlessly. The knights then go back to asking Mordred about Emrys and he tries to navigate the questions without giving anything away while also dealing with a furious Merlin in his head telling him to “FIX THIS NOW!! And don’t you tell Arthur who I am!!” The poor boy!

Mordred continues to navigate the conversation mostly emphasizing how loyal Emrys is and how he and the Once And Future King are said to have a strong bond and there’s nothing to worry about when they start to question if Emrys is a threat. Eventually someone (probably Gwaine) brings up that Emrys doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job of protecting Arthur considering how other he’s encountered by magical thing. And Mordred, who knows how busy Merlin is and how hard he’s been working to protect Arthur (and that’s just since he’s become a knight! He knows there’s so much more he doesn’t know and is in even more awe of Emrys for handling it all) sees Merlin look over at Gwaine like he’s actually concerning strangling the man, says, “he’s very busy! And, he’s just one man! He’s really trying his best!!”

Mordred doesn’t realize what he said wrong and why everyone is quietly looking at him like that until Arthur asks, “You know him?”

Mordred, who just realized that he did kinda just admit to knowing a very powerful, immoral warlock to a king and his knights that are of a kingdom where magic is punishable by death: ……………uh

Arthur, realizing why Mordred looks so terrified: Mordred I understand you are a Druid and have grown up on stories of this man. I will not punish you for knowing him. I’m sure you’ve met many sorcerers.

Mordred, letting out a big breath of relief: thank you, sire. And yes, I have met him.

Arthur, nodding: I see. And he is in Camelot?

Mordred: yes, sire. He’s been working very hard to keep you and Camelot safe.

Arthur, looking at his other knights: I’ve never heard of anyone in the kingdom by that name, any of you?

Leon: he’s likely using a fake name.

Arthur: hmm. Yes that makes sense.

Mordred, wondering if he messed up again: uh, sire? Is something wrong?

Arthur, looking back at Mordred, and trying to reassure him: I wouldn’t really say something is wrong, per say, but the fact that there is an unknown and powerful sorcerer hiding in Camelot is something I need to be aware of. Since you’ve met him, do you know who he’s hiding out as?

Mordred, glancing subtly at Merlin who’s glaring at him threatening again, realizing he really f’ed up: ……

Arthur, realizing Mordred does know who Emrys is: who is he, Mordred?

Mordred: ……

Arthur, starting to lose his patience: Mordred. Who is he? Or does your loyalty lie with him first and me, your king, second?

Mordred, startled: No! That’s not it at all, sire! I’m very loyal to you! I swear it!

Arthur: then…

Mordred, sheepishly: well… in the prophecy you two are equals, so I’ve always weighed your words and orders as equal as well. And Emrys asked me not to reveal him, so…

Arthur: ……

The knights: ……

Merlin, telepathically: you’re not done yet, keep going. The prat’s not going to leave it at that.

Arthur, trying to figure out how to word it: Mordred… you do realize that that is…. worse, right?

Mordred: ????

Arthur: there is someone who one of my knights has valued their words as equal to my own who I have never met and know next to nothing about and who is a sorcerer. I have not appointed this man and if he were to contradict one of my orders… Do see how I really need to know who this man is?

Mordred: …but he’s loyal to you…🥺

Arthur, wondering if he’s actually going to have to turn this into an official interrogation: Mordred.

Tension rises again as Arthur keeps pushing and Merlin starts yelling in his head again and Mordred just Doesn’t Know What To Do. Please make this stop! Until he can’t take it anymore and just blurts out, “I’M EMRYS!!”

Silence.

Mordred can’t believe he just said that. Did he actually just claim to be THE Emrys? It feels sacrilegious. He peeks over at Merlin, but the man seems just as shocked as the rest of them at this development and raises an eyebrow in question.

Mordred, telepathically: …sorry? I didn’t know what to say…

Merlin, telepathically: ..no, im not mad at that. I am a bit curious about where you’ll go with this though…

Arthur: you’re Emrys?

Mordred, with Merlin’s permission to continue: yes. I’m Emrys.

Gwaine, whistles: damn mate, you’ve really been holding out on us!

Everyone looks at Mordred in a new light, trying to reconcile what they already knew about him with this new information.

Arthur: so you have magic then?

Mordred, nervously: yes.

More silence.

Gwaine, very interested and not at all wary: lots of it too being the most powerful and thought of as a deity.

Mordred, who is quite powerful, but not on Emrys’ level, obviously: yeah, I suppose.

After a bit more of an awkward and tense conversation of stilted sentences, and some debate about magic, Mordred and Merlin finally relax at the fact they’re both keeping their heads and the true identity of Emrys is secret. It was pretty much decided that Mordred had already sworn fealty to Arthur when he became a knight and even saved the king’s life in the Northern Plains, so he was most likely still trustworthy even though he was a sorcerer. Arthur and the knights are surprisingly okay with this turn of events; they’re still tense, but no one’s drawn their sword. Gwaine even asks Mordred to do some magic, and with Arthur’s very tense go ahead, Mordred levitates a water skin for a bit much to Gwaine’s delight. Gwaine keeps asking Mordred to do more magic as they head back to the castle like make things float and light some campfires.

I was thinking that it will mostly be about the antics from this point and how it would change things for the better. Like, now Merlin needs to enlist Mordred in his secret magical adventures and work together to keep Arthur and Camelot safe. The two would make such a funny dynamic. Merlin being all huffy and suspicious but begrudgingly including him while Mordred is so happy at being able to help his idol out, a dream come true for him.

The group ABSOLUTELY keeps Mordred’s magic and him being Emrys thing a secret at first, not sure when that’ll change but it definitely will. Gwaine probably spills about the prophecy and Arthur being the once and future king while he’s drunk in the tavern one night, but not about Mordred. The group eventually start warming up about magic and not being so wary of sorcerers since they’re now seeing Mordred using it to protect them so much. When the knights ask about what he��s done so far he tells them about Merlin’s achievements (with his permission, of course) and gets some more stories from him.

When the actual reveal comes it will be after word has already spread that Mordred is Emrys, so then Arthur and everyone will have to be like “no, that was a lie/misunderstanding, it’s actually Merlin” but people will still mistake Mordred for Emrys even years in the future. They’re never living this down.

Also there is DEFINITELY at least one scene where they go to a Druid camp and Arthur’s all like “yep, this is Mordred. Emrys” and the druids, telepathically, are like “boy, what are you doing? Mordred, you know you’re not Emrys.” And Mordred’s like “I have permission…” so the Druids subtly look at Merlin and he’s like “yeah, he’s got permission, just go with it” So, they do.

There’s also going to be scenes where Arthur is trying to get to know Mordred better because they apparently are supposed to have a super strong bond or whatever and yes, he and Mordred do have a bond, but he wouldn’t say it was any different than his bonds with his other knights and is all confused by it. And when he’s confiding in Merlin about it, he advises to not try and force it.

I know this is season 5 and Arthur and Gwen are married, BUT if you decide to go the merthur route, there can even be some prophecies about Emrys and the once and future king being soulmates and destined to be together or something. That would make Arthur even more confused/troubled because while Mordred is only a little over a decade younger than him (I headcanon that Arthur was 20-21 in 1st season and Mordred ~7-10) and age gaps that big weren’t unheard of, he just can’t look at Mordred that way. He’s too much like an innocent little puppy or something. Merlin is probably mortified because he can’t believe they have prophecies about his love life and why was he only finding out about this NOW?

Also, LANCELOT!!! Maybe there’s some way to actually bring him back from the dead. Or, there could be some scenes of him in Avalon watching this comedy unfold and talking and laughing about it with Will and Fraya and whoever else has died. And they’re all shaking their heads at the crazy situations Merlin gets himself into.

TL;DR: It’s basically crack about Merlin and Mordred working together to pass Mordred off as Emrys with a side of fix-it.

In the future I might decide to write this myself, but I’m in the middle of reading TGCF and want to finish that and a couple other things before I rewatch Merlin. It’s been a couple years since my last rewatch so things are a little fuzzy and I don’t want to completely mischaracterize someone. So, here, take it. Do with this what you want, but let me know if you write this or something, cause it would be supper fun to read.

[nossumusstellae]

Tips for Writing Mythical Creatures #1: Vampires

Firstly: Can we all just let go of the whole sparkly-like-fairy-dust trope? Please. That is not the skin of a killer.

Anyways.

Vampires. There are so many iterations of the myth, from Bram Stoker’s Dracula to Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Spike to Preacher's Cassidy. The word may have first appeared in the 1700’s, but the stories have a history stretching back to ancient civilizations. And all of them are different.

This is what bugs me the most about modern vampire stories: they all seem to follow the Dracula pattern. Handsome, charming, and a fondness for young women who are years younger than they are. The roots of the myth seem to be forgotten. There is so much creativity to be found in the old stories, so many different interpretations. In Russian folklore, for example, vampires were witches who had rebelled against the church in life. Europeans would place bags of grain at the graves of suspected vampires, with the belief that when the creature awoke for the night, they would be compelled to count every single grain. Vampire graves could be found by leading a virgin boy on a black horse through a graveyard. In ancient China, if a corpse was jumped over by a cat, that person would awaken a vampire.

Even the act of killing a vampire has various stories. Certain kinds of wood for the stake (Europe, Russia, Serbia), iron or plough bits driven through hearts (Bulgaria), even slices of lemon (Germany)!

The tale of the vampire has its roots in blood-sucking demons. This is the part we often forget: the myth began with stories of demonic creatures. It is this aspect I feel we could all use a little of. Vampires are not nice. They are not human. They are animals at heart, vicious and capable of murdering as many people as they need to survive.

So here are my tips for writing a better vampire:

1. Remember. They are not human. A vampire is probably not going to experience the world the same way a human would. Maybe they can see in the dark, or in ultraviolet. Taste the air like a snake. Or even hear the heartbeat of their victims. Heightened smell, and hearing. Think about the animal kingdom, the hunter animals. What traits do they have? Apply those to your vampires. Retractable Catwoman-style claws, anyone?

2. Your vampire doesn’t have to be 1800’s Victorian. Vampire myth is not exclusive to Europe. Stories exist all over the world, from Mexico to Africa. Be different!

3. Turning into a bat is cliché. How about turning into a wolf, or a rabbit? Or pigeon?

4. Shape-shifting faces: I love this about the vampires in Buffy. The way their faces would become grotesque and reveal the monster within was a great interpretation.

5. Your vampire doesn’t have to be immortal. Maybe they age the same way as a human, or just a little slower.

6. Vampires are believed to not have reflections because a mirror reflects the soul and vampires do not have one. Also, silver is said to ward of evil spirits. Take that a step further: perhaps silver is fatal to your vampire the same way it is to werewolves!

7. Think about the history of the vampires in your story. Do they have their own myths, their own gods? An entire underground society? Do people know about them, are there Hunters?

8. I’ll say it again. Sparkling like a fairy is lame.