#i fail at keeping that kinda thing to myself a lot but its an effort i do try to make

[oatmealcrisp-freak]

i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who chatted with/replied to me yesterday RE my frustration over the shipping argument among other posts quq it was sincerely reassuring!! i'm sorry for not replying to everything, i hardcore ran out of energy for the conversation and it started to feel like, idk, i just dont like being angry rofl sorry too for getting a bit over the top yesterday, and thank you again for your kindness and support!!

[cypionate60mg]

Hey I'm that last anon asking you to tell me what to do. I'm realizing now that that ask sounded kinda urgent, I apologize. What I meant to say is you seem like such an interesting man who knows who he is and what he wants and I need your guide on how to live my life more bravely. I'm going to move out soon so I could be myself, it's kind of a huge thing, and I'm scared. I've been realizing that my family will never accept me, and I'm learning to be okay with that, I'll find others who will love and accept me as myself. But I've lived my life rather sheltered, and when I do move out I'll have to figure out everything on my own. I am learning a lot right now, taxes and what to prepare, I guess I just need some motivation? Affirmation. Validation that I'm not making the biggest mistake of my life.

Thank you for thinking of me that way. The version of me that you see here is curated. That doesn't make it any less true. It just means that you think of me as accomplished and clear-headed because that's all I've shown of myself. So it may or may not comfort you to learn that I very often have no idea what the fuck I want, much less how to make it happen. But there are moments I do know, and part of that self-assuredness comes with age, I think. I'm assuming I'm older than you, which means I've had more time to take risks, fail, learn from my mistakes, and hazard a more informed guess the next go-round.

I've also made an effort to spend time with myself and my desires. And I've actually divested from the question of who I am, in favor of focusing on how I want to live. I just don't think the former is a useful question for me. Let the self be expansive in favor of acquiring new interests and experiences.

It sounds like you're already quite brave. Moving out and establishing yourself separately from your family is a huge undertaking. You're going to feel overwhelmed, regardless of how much courage you may have acquired up until this point.

If you've been "rather sheltered", it's important that you experience fear, struggle through it, and survive anyway. You can't be sufficiently, automatically brave in advance of every new challenge. Maybe in the moment, and sometimes after the fact. But it is something you will learn over time.

On a practical level, familiarize yourself with your community and what resources could become useful to you. Food and shelter. You need those things. Make connections with people who are knowledgable and involved. Maybe spend some time volunteering with certain initiatives. It can be a good way to learn how they work in case you need their support.

At the same time, be willing to part with some stability for the sake of pleasure. You can't successfully protect yourself from life and also live it fully. There are going to be risks you regret and opportunities you miss. But life will not pass you by if you remain open to its possibilities.

Good news: you can make the biggest mistake of your life and keep living. I wish the best of luck, anon. If you have any more questions, especially about resources for transition, feel free to message me directly and/or check out the replies.

[humorisstoredinthetits]

Chansaw.

So am I the only one who finds Chansaw kinda... boring? Not to say its a bad ship or its unhealthy or that there's a fundamental issue with the paring, I just feel like out of all the Heather x Veronica or Heather x Heather ships Chansaw is the least interesting.

Like for example;

(Also I will be talking only about canon, bc fanon opens up a whole new can of worms, plus fanon is based off the characters and their interactions from canon)

Chandlamara - My personal favorite, there's so little between them in the show, but what we do have lays foundations for so much. We know that Mac considered Chandler to be her best friend, she took her to school more often then not, and that her death threw a wrench into Mac's mental stability. And from what we can tell from their interactions, Mac was the only person Chandler didn't treat like shit, never telling her to shut up or demeaning her. There's so much that can be done with the how and why between them, like why does Chandler seem to respect Mac? Why does Mac consider her to be her best friend? With them, sometimes less is more.

McDuke - With McDuke, Duke hurt Mac badly over the course of the show, and for a relationship to EVER exist between them, Duke would have to undergo significant changes as a person, forcing her to confront her shitty actions. The struggle for her to change mixed together with the desire to change for Mac is the meat and potatoes of this ship. There's a lot for Mac too, because in all honesty she is under no obligation to forgive Duke, what she did was awful, but at the same time she sees the effort Duke puts in and the sincerity in her apologies and maybe, just maybe, she slowly starts to forgive her.

McNamayer - Veronica is Mac's Knight in Shining Armor during the show, rescuing her when she was at her lowest, so naturally Mac would start to develop admiration and a genuine friendship with her. And for Veronica, after the craziness with JD, Mac is a normal person for her to turn to, and proof that some people can change, which is Veronica's whole thing. They're the closest thing to healthy in Heathers, because they can both rely on each other to help during the darkest times.

Chanduke - Going from the most healthy to the least, Chanduke would be an absolute nightmare if it was canon. Chandler and Duke are horrible to each other, there's no doubt about it. That's part of the intrigue with them. How can two people who hate each other's guts also love each other? What keeps them together when they clearly can't stand the other? The other part is how they would make it work. Just like McDuke, they would both have to change drastically, and part of that would be confronting the other about how they've been treated and having to move past it. It would be a rocky road, but that's the fun in it.

Dukesaw - Duke and Veronica have a lot more common than they would like to admit. They're both rather intelligent, bookish people who have nasty tempers and tend to gravitate towards toxic people (Chandler and JD). Obviously they would have some chemistry, and it would be interesting to see them recognizing bad influence's in the other's life, but fail to see the exact same thing in their own. Like Duke calls out Veronica for hanging out with JD bc he's insane and brought a gun to school, while Veronica calls her out saying that she's one to talk, she is friends with Heather fucking Chandler, people call her the Demon Queen for a reason, only for them to both slowly realize that they are hypocrites.

Now to give Chansaw some credit, I can see the appeal. Enemies to lovers is very popular for a reason, hell I even mentioned it as why Chanduke is so intriguing to me. Plus, the aspect of taking someone under your wing is a good setup for a relationship story, but at least to me it's just so overdone, like there's only so much you can do between them before you get bored with it. Not to say all Chansaw fics and art are bad or boring, just that I myself am bored with how same-y it all feels.

Aaaand thats why I like PolyHeathers+Veronica so much, because who cares about which dynamic is better when you can just have all of them at the same time /j

[elegyofthemoon]

some work stuff thats been on loop in my head all week

so i think most of this week minus today, i've sorta accepted that i'm just riding a dying dream. that's mostly why everything feels very unreal these days just bc i wanted to distance myself from it i think. that at the end of this, i'll just fail again and then i'll fail out and that'll be it for me and i'll somehow magically pick up the pieces and sort my life out in some different way with the numerous backup plans i have saved for myself

but i'm still on top of stuff. i'm doing what i'm supposed to, even if it's kinda painful to do thinking that all this effort will amount to nothing in the end.

i get asked to review a new patient who came in the night prior to present to the other doctors, and i go and do that. i get to know the patient and try to figure out whats going on. i go and do my physical exam and all that, and at the end, when im trying to wrap things up, she stops me just to say "you're such a sweet and kind doctor. the other ones are so abrupt and dont listen to me"

i had to just kinda smile bittersweetly at that bc thats really all i want to be. i just want to take care of my patients and make sure they get the best help they can. i want to, but im no good medical student.

i thanked her again and left to go present the patient accordingly. the whole moment still sits with me a lot though and i just sorta play it on loop.

by character, i'm very much a caretaker. i love taking care of people and its always at the risk of overdoing myself - something i'm working on. if i could i'd do anything to keep up with this dream so that i can better help everyone. but i still find myself at a loss. i'm by no means smart. i just want to help however way i can, and if that means being in this position to do so, then i'm happy for it.

it just makes me sad because i'll meet the worst medical students - my peers - and i question and wonder and worry about the people who would fall into their care. i'm not saying i deserve their position. i understand i'm not smart enough to be where i am. heck, im even surprised i even got where i am tbh albeit i am also failing severely now lmao but it's just... it makes me sad that the smart people i meet are always so awful

at the very least, that moment with the patient was nice even if its bittersweet. it at least means that i was already where i kinda wanted to be as a person. i want to be there. and i want to take care of others because i care.

[animal-lover-forever]

(Hi, I wrote this in advance and.. you can ignore this if you want. XD I'm sorry for using they/them on you I default to it when talking about someone.. that probably doesnt look good for me actually. I just kinda blanked on you being female so I apologize!! Also I felt like it was addressing more than just you, others who have been in similar situations aswell. So yeah.. sorry for it being long. "If I had more time to write it, I would've made it shorter" or something like that.)

Hi, I am a trans person, I am VERY much all for trans people and everything being accessible to trans people. I just want to say something. I use neopronouns myself too, and weird names in general.

What Dakota said was a MISUNDERSTANDING! If they said it like "man I wish there werent so many types of math to remember" or something like that IT WOULDNT BE MATHPHOBIC?? (That is a horrible example, but I am mathphobic[/j I just hate math] and it was the first thing i could thing of)

It's not them being transphobic. They may have been able to phrase it better, yes. But arent they a kid? And also they will respect your pronouns and your gender. They'll call you whatever you want, it's just a simple misunderstanding. If they slip up, it's just as simple as misremembering. Its HARD remembering a lot, I cant remember a lot of people's name, I cant remember a lot in general.

No, just because they may have forgot doesnt mean they "didnt put in enough effort" or "arent trying" or something. Guys, GROW UP! I'm serious. One misunderstanding isnt enough to go around claiming someone as transphobic WHEN THEY ARE FRIENDS WITH MANY LGBTQ+ PEOPLE AND DONT GIVE A CRAP!

They aren't transphobic. Leave them alone.

Thanks.

And yeah, I probably could have worded it differently. But that was the best I could do.

I often forget that what I say, will come out differently. As in, people will hear it one way, but what I'm thinking is totally different.

A lot of that comes down to my autism and ADHD. But mainly my autism.

I often have trouble saying what I mean. And that makes things hard. Because when I say something, people hear it, but not as I'm thinking. (I don't even know if this makes sense. But this does prove my point at least.)

I also tend to talk without thinking. And this doesn't really help my case.

I have said this once, but I'll say it again.

If I have said something offensive, it was most likely an accident. Sometimes I say offensive things without realizing it. Mostly because I didn't think it would be offensive. Or I worded it in a way that makes it seem like I'm being offensive, when I'm not trying to be.

If I ever say something offensive, just let me know. I probably didn't even know I did. So just let me know, and I'll correct myself. And try to remember for the future.

I do understand that I can cross lines by accident. Crossing lines without realizing, is something I've done my whole life. I try and try to not cross those invisible lines. But I always fail to do so.

When a line is invisible, I cross them. Why? Because I can't see them. A lot of those lines are visible to others. But they are not for me.

If you can show me that line, then I can do a better job at not crossing over them. But keep in mind that I'm slow to pick things up. So even if you try to explain, it still might take me awhile to finally see the line.

But just know that I try my best to see the lines. Despite the fact that most of them are invisible.

[feline-evil]

Its da freaking new year baby

I mean it turned new year like 13 hours and thirty minutes ago for me i was just busy and didn't post here at the time. Anyways.

2023 has been A Lot for me! On one hand my wrist issues finally fully caught up to me and it's one of the first years i've not been able to draw as much during which has been. Very hard. It's been a year of health issues and my body kinda failing me in a lotta regards so it's not been great on that front. But it's also the first year i got to meet my boyfriend in person, twice!!! And realise how much more beautiful and kind and loving life can be, and how much i wanna survive onwards and upwards and do wicked gay shit with that man in future years, it's the year that being so loved has given me the courage to make BIG FUCKING RISKS and plan for BIG FUCKING CHALLENGES in upcoming years, and thats awesome. I couldn't be the man i have been this year without him, i really couldn't. I'm so grateful to finally have a partner and friends and love and gentleness, it is something that was so sorely missing in my life and it is something that's keeping me going even in the darker months.

It's also the year i took risks in other stuff too, which i never could've done without my bf's support, and now i've been able to work on so many things for The Hotel Podcast and thats fucking AWESOME?? I GET TO MAKE STUFF FOR THE SHOW I LOVE?? I did the artbook and we got to do the second calendar which ruuuuled, i made a postcard, i've done some other stuff ;), i made a 3d background and learnt some video editing for it; i've accomplished so much even against my body and wrist failing and i feel so so proud of that, and no matter how things go i wanna keep trying to do more. I feel like i'm finally showing what i can do. I hope people can see how much effort and will goes into what i do, i hope it pays off and that you enjoy it!

I wish i could say i left this year on a high note due to all that good that's happened to me and i mostly am absolutely. But in all honesty i also went to sleep last night filled with a palpable dread, this past week i realised someone close to me has, without getting into it to a degree i'm not willing to share online, gone down a pipeline to become a person i'm not comfortable with while i've been busy elsewhere. I went to bed knowing that either 2024 would have to be a year of potentially risky confrontation, of running, or of begrudgingly resigning myself to making sure i isolate anyone i care about away from. This. So thats a shadow hanging over me at the moment, and is one that has soured my week a little. I don't know what 2024 holds in regards to sorting this, it's a little scary.

I am going to be 27 this year, in February! And as i get closer and closer to thirty i realise that (while time isn't running out for me, for any of us) i really would like to move on into thriving rather than just surviving the years, and that part of that thriving needs to be transitioning and becoming independent from my parents. Of course the former is complicated due to the fact i am not able to be out to everyone in my life and even just starting the path to transitioning would out me and potentially destroy a part of my life that has been there for 26 years. There's also of course the fact i live in the uk and transitioning here is going to be a ten year waiting list if i'm even lucky and they deem me trans enough to transition l o l. So as you can imagine, thats complex and hard to figure out! On one hand i should start the process asap BECAUSE its such a long process here, but on the other hand i don't know how to handle my own safety and comfort in regards to being out to those i currently am not, and i'm not sure how my mental (and honestly physical) health would handle the fallout. The latter is complicated of course due to being broke, uneducated, physically and mentally unwell and a myriad of other factors; we don't live in a world where you can afford a home or to feed yourself anymore! So! Yknow!! Unlikely i'll be moving out anytime soon!

What i am doing at least is trying to thrive where i can, like dandelions growing in cracks the pavement may be unyielding to me at this moment but i can find the soft dirt inbetween; transitioning and independence may not be possible right now but i can continue to do my work and try to succeed there, i can make my room better for me (which i have done with finally getting a new bed after the one i had since i was a child grew no good), i can spend more time doing what i love out the house (visiting places, seeing my boyfriend, ect ect), and i can take what i can when i can. Maybe i'll try to learn to drive this year! I'm not sure i trust myself on the roads, but maybe i can learn to. And all of this is progress towards those final goals, even if i can't so much as step on the first rungs of the ladder towards them yet. I also take solace in knowing that for every dark cloud over me that makes my life feel so uncertain and hard to make it through there is incredible sunshine too; that even if the year is hard and cruel as they so often are i will still be loved i will still have friends and i will still get to smile. And that even if i can't accomplish big goals, a lot of small goals accomplished over many many bad years will build up, and one day i'll be free. And that's something.

My first hope for 2024 is THAT MY HEALTH GIVES ME A BREAK, NO MORE HEALTH SCARES PLEASE, and that perhaps i'll be able to even get some answer's and help for my physical health. My second is that my courage pays off and i succeed at flying alone for the first time to the states to be with my love! My third is that the year is kinder, and that i can make more art, maybe even regain some of the independence i had when my wrist was ok enough to let me do art as a job. My fourth is that i laugh a lot, and smile and have joyous moments with loved ones and indulge in what i love with unabashed and unashamed joy! And my fifth is that i get to do good for others, because even if i can't get out, even if i have to survive instead of thrive a little longer, i can at least try and help when i can.

Happy 2024, my chest hurts, my joints ache, but i'm still kicking and i will continue on forever. Bastards aren't getting free of me yet, i'm persistent. I haven't even ridden every rollercoaster in the UK yet.

[mabeysomeclasspecting]

You're still doing requests? Awesome! Can you classpect mine 🥺 no need to rush with it ofc, pace yourself! Uhh, lets see.

1. What are your interests/hobbies?

i have a lot of interests but if i have to put a pin on them, its always about exploring something new. watching a mysterious internet arg, writing down worldbuilding ideas, getting myself lost because my hometown start to get too samey, exploring abandoned buildings, and watching plays and backyard gigs. which is ironic because i live in a small-ish town, there is not much excitement or exploration to be done in here, but i make do. other interests of mine would be music. i like music that are weird, distorted, and just off. i love it when the rhythm is a discordant mess. however, just because i seem to go out a lot doesnt mean im the social type. i mean, i try to be, i kinda have to get used to keeping secrets and doing things all alone to get some freedom / agency in life.

2. How Do You See Yourself?

Honestly it depends on which character i latched on to that week. I dont really care for having an internal self. Whatever serves what i want best is my current self. But, turns out im not that good as a social chameleon. So, one thing I can recognize about myself is i don't quit and give up on things even when I should. When I want things, I might not be very motivated to get it, but I'll always work on it no matter how long it takes or how many times it has failed. Oftentimes I worry that im too slow and that no matter how much patience and devotion i have to my wants, I just dont have enough energy to actually get it. Or i'll end up ruining myself in the process.

3. How do you think others see you

Unforgettable. Striking. strange and offputting. Acquaintaces say im okay but a little aloof/strange. My family say i work hard but i have no sense of self preservation, tbh i think theyre biased. My friends think im smart and a little impressive. But closest besties, despite my best efforts, see that i used to be super sheltered and inexperienced in social settings. its terrible!

4. How do you interact with your friends?

Hm, depends on what kind of friends. if theyre the hangout friend, i'll just sit back and occasionally make them laugh with my dumb antics and give out some trivias to make things fun and easy. If theyre the deep conversation friend, i would try to impress them with how much i know. its overcompensating i know.

Its not all roses with me though. Some of my friends did say i can be unsympathetic to their problems. which is surprising to them because they thought im nice. i didnt mean it, i guess i just dont get why people just lament instead of finding a solution. its so... helpless. i dont want to be my younger self who let himself get trapped in his own house and miss out on so much life because theyre too afraid to act. so why people do nothing but feel sad when awful things happen is beyond me. And that comes out harsh when people are used to my lighthearted, easygoing self.

5. What's Important To You

I need to feel good about myself. And that's very much reliant on me working for my dreams. Not some escapism or fantasy. I also want change, a kinder world, justice. I want everyone to get whats been stolen from them. However, I spent so much time and wasted so many opportunities because of that dream, it almost feel like its holding me back from permanently feeling good for myself. but when i think about it, im not angry or disappointed. I like to see the silver lining in everything i guess. but there's limits to this. Yknow the phrase "fighting the good fight?" i think, its not enough to fight, you have to win, no matter how many rules you break or how many things become collateral damage. doesnt matter if youre in the right side of history or how many times you prove bigots wrong if you keep losing and dying. and thats a matter of action and bravery, not morals.

6. Describe the ideal you, what kind of person do you strive to be?

Impressive. Capable and competent at everything. Scares people but in a good way. Get shit done. Have sick-ass tattoos, have lots of friends, Can be relied on for everything. And have traveled to so many places and get so many extraordinary experiences.

(note : i wanted to send you an ask a few months ago, but there was a sudden blackout in my area right after i hit send. pretty sure its gone to the void! but just to make sure, if you see an ask thats similar in content to this (i remember saying i like internet horror, args, music, and urban exploration!) its probably mine! you dont have to answer that)

and my signoff emojis : 🫧🌪️

Hello! I definitely think that ask got lost, but I'm happy to classpect you now :)

Aspects: Breath, Heart, Time

Classes: Prince, Thief, Maid

You seem like a solid Prince of Breath to me! I feel pretty certain, but play around with those other ones if that doesn't feel right

Hope this helps!

[a-kaash-me-outside]

I’m reading these asks and it’s super interesting to me to see the different perspectives and the insight you’re giving to the characters! (Also I sent you that long ass ask so thank you so much for taking the time to reply and explain things!!) I personally didn’t even catch on to the whole reader’s unfairly keeping Atsumu at arms length thing and idk if I didn’t read thoroughly or I’m just dim LOL I always interpreted it as like they both like each other and want to be bf/gf eventually but both were taking things slow for various reasons which felt super normal. also 3 weeks is such a short amount of time like I feel like you can be really into a person but still want to take more time to gauge the situation u know!! I didn’t really see reader as like “leading him on” or being a tease or anything like that (ngl i hate the word tease shhfjdgdskks 😂 especially if a man uses it I wanna barf like no stop I’m literally just trying to be a nice person), more so they were just being flirty and having friendly-maybe-more-than-friendly banter kinda?

It’ll be really interesting to see some of Atsumu’s pov because I wonder if he had different, more “serious” expectations for y/n from the get go. And if he did why he didn’t communicate it earlier on? I don’t think y/n is doing anything wrong being cautious around him, especially cause she’s used to seeing him sleep around a lot (not that there’s anything remotely wrong with that if there’s 2 consenting adults) but it still is what it is and she’s going off information that she’s gathered in over the course of not even a full semester and its honestly pretty smart for her to wait a bit longer and be like.. is he actually serious about this? I don’t fault her for at all that!!

As for the Maki kiss/going back to the dorm thing…… BIG SIDE EYE FOR Y/N 👀 that was very questionable on her part!! I understand caring for Maki and entertaining the one last kiss thing because it was clear she didn’t instigate that but then the part where she wanted to continue?! Was that a moment of weakness and just her remembering the old times with Maki or what?! I really wonder what was going on in her mind during that moment. Im glad he shut it down gently! Honestly the more I think about it the better Maki looks ASHFBDH (I need to stop this here and reel myself in cause this is an Atsumu fic) (but also just putting it out there….. if .. there was a maki alt ending…… I would absolutely devour that for breakfast lunch and dinner)

oh my gosh yes okay. this means the world to me because like i write these responses and replies and i don't ever really assume anyone will read or care about them does that make sense? and i try to communicate all of these thoughts in my fics but i forget sometimes that i'm in my head and you all are not! so the things and details i weave in there can definitely get lost.

omg another read more shhhhhh.

but i think that's why for me when i got all of this stuff where people were like HEY ATSUMU is a bitch and like yea no that's so fair he really is in this chapter but don't see or point out how messy the relationship is and how yn actually doesn't really hold it against him for like sleeping with people while they were talking and stuff because she realizes that they aren't exclusive, not just as a technicality but because yeah sure she has feelings for him but she keeps reminding herself that she doesn't want more than that, otherwise when they spent the night together during the whole movie thing, they wouldve spent the night together.

i think especially at the end of ch4 with the whole movie date and her like wanting atsumu to come into her dorm, but failing to communicate it or do anything to reciprocate what his efforts to cross this barrier of just flirting friends, is a really important insight into the relationship? like if she would've communicated that she wanted him to cross this barrier, he would've, but he doesn't, because she doesn't, and he doesn't want to like,,, push something too far? i explain it better in the next chapter? his thoughts about it and stuff and a tiny insight into his POV.

AND ALSO even just in the first time they meet. he evidently wants to have sex with her and she shuts it down really fast. AND after spring break, the first time that she hears him having sex with someone else after they've flirted and become somewhat friends, it's devastating to her? but it's all a result of him trying to feel out if she actually wants it or not. ANYWAYS yea just a lot of little things? that are sometimes hard to pick up on completely because of the lack of atsumu's POV BUT i think that makes it ?? hurt more and feel more serious? because !!! ?!?!? you're only seeing these little glimpses of him hurt and then the way that he tries to cope with it rather than really understand why he's doing it and how he's thinking. and as a READER i want you to like, feel torn up abt that shit? and be confused because like,,, you have to decipher and feel the stuff as it comes based on what he gives you not what's objectively true. does that MAKE SENSE?

oh yea no and i will be dropping the maki alternative ending don't you worry LMAO. don't.. don't you worry ok. <3 <3

[slyshyfoxy]

4 November 2023

Hello, i have been recently feeling overwhelmed or smtg due to my period? and tiredness, anyways, i think the thing that is boggling me the most is probably not getting enough rest or time for myself , but i am glad i will be able to do it today, as recently i have took two insurance examinations and i passed one, i thought i will probably fail 2 ngl, but when i failed the first one i actually felt abit disappointed. And luckily i managed to pass the second paper which is BCP.

And then i book the papers for PGI on 15th and COMGI for 29th. I think these days been overwhelmed because i resigned from AIA which makes it irrational for me to take the papers, but honestly i think it is because it is for next time sake where i will be doing my insurance side by side with construction. But its okay to take also because i will at least be more aware of whats going on with insurance and what to claim on it when i buy, and especially it taught me and gave me trips that i could probably not afford it myself. And finally i probably could get some cash from my dad if i would to pass it ma, so i dont have to worry so much. Recently, i was going to work and my attendance was not very good too like i am late too often and i think this month i'll try my best not to take any more MCs as there is not much left, most importantly to take care of my mental and PHYSICAL well-being the most. As i have been taking MCs, i realise my PHYISCAL well-being is kinda bad so i should really take care of it, another thing i have to take care of is the relationship between me and jolyn where i should be putting more effort into meeting her and all, and i think I will, but not too much that i lose myself, i will also encourage her to do more of her work too, so we can meet in between and compromise in-between.

Honestly, there are fears that me and her will not last long, but in the end i believe i am gonna try to make it last as long as it could go because she is a precious person in my life. Through my actions of course. Think nowadays i am also just emotional stressed? Cause of work stuffs where i keep getting pushed to do more than my limit especially pressing me when i having my period is a no go. Think i will be fine , although there is a lot of things to do, i still wanna be able to do it, slowly and steadily i will , even though slow, progress is still progress, jiayous jenny u can do it !! This is not as difficult as it seems. And i think about the work that is stressing me out especially ayeaye and the aunties, i think what i can do is not take it to heart or like count how many mistakes i have made, and just move on with it, the lesser i think the better, the only thing i can work on is on myself and i will be doing that, i just need to clock in attendance everyday, do work dont have to be very quickly, do at ur own pace, as at night you still need to do other stuffs, sleep more, meet jolyn frequent. You are actually doing better than you think, why are u doubting yourself? and i think especially about the future part, u have already been setting out the things u want do and is doing it. Dont worry u will be fine, god aint blind, you will be able to do the things u always wanted to do, which is the travel in the end with goal in mind. Just complete the tasks and take care of ur own physical and mental health first is the most important thing in the world and your happiness with yourself and others too, everything is manageable, jiayous jenny. You are doing great! So what are you gonna do today? I think today i will try to study COMGI like lock in 2 chapters at least then move on to making PGI notes. But first do abit of work for construction first. And wanna mediate now abit too. You can do it !!! Dont worry u are doing just fine. 4 Nov 2023. With love and staying the best to survival, Jenny Tan.

[vanillabby]

20.09.2023 10:59 PM

Dear blog, Long time no see. where to start? Years have past, i think i missed you. I stayed away for long thinking that i would grow out of my thoughts from years ago. and in a way i did. happy to say things turned around when i changed an put in effort. but i never really thought about the consequences. it sounds dumb but when you are struggling to survive emotionally, all you want is to finally not feel pain anymore. the countless sleepless nights. higher than the edge of the universe, just to not feel the bottled up emotions. i lived like that for years. thinking back it was tough, i thought it would never end. for many it seemed like i had everything on the outside, but i grew up with a huge void on the inside. safe to say i spent the last 12 years of my damned life to fix the damage. went through a lot of shit. and now? ppl probably think i succeeded. i mean why would they not think that? i have pretty much everything going for me, right? it looks like it, right? so it has to be fine, right?

Anyway, nobody, not even i was prepared to feel the soul crushing weight of all responsibilities i took on in life. there is no failing now, because who would catch me if i fall? Still Nobody. sometimes i think to myself, what did i pull through for? i can't really say that i did it for myself, i just did it and now i'm here, years later. the struggle never ends, there is just one struggle after the other and i think i would be fine with it on my own, but the relationships i built after i recovered for most of my past, have been putting such a strain on me, even though i love them dearly. it started out beautifully. Now i keep asking myself if its still worth it? my heart is so attached to them, but the discomfort, the pain, the disappointment. its breaking my soul. the countless hours i invested. yet the same issues reoccur, over and over again. feels like i'm about to go crazy. it hurts me, because it feels like i'm suffering on my own like i used to. just in a different way. i feel hopeless. am i facing the fact that all my efforts have made me end up in the same situation i tried so hard to escape from? will it ever be different? is it all a vicious cycle?

i guess my curse is that i'm too self-aware but cant seem to be able to change the outcome of how things effect me and especially how ppl treat me. i know i can't control ppl. yet i still can't help believing, that ppl can change for the better. if i just gave them more of my love and time, just more patience and understanding, more help and support. they love me right? wouldn't you be better for the person you love? the person that shows you love. the person that can communicate their love and needs, the person that always wants to be there for you, the person that would go to the end of the world for you. so why is that the ppl claiming they love me, hurt me the most? i did everything to get better and i didn't really have anybody that loved or supported me back then. everybody was holding me down. i felt like i was suffocating for years. then i left because i couldn't take it anymore, and they all showed their true colours. they dropped me in an instance and didn't support my decision. it felt like i had lost everything and pretty much everybody i knew. yet i changed for the better. i kinda did it the hard way. i had nobody close to guide me. No hand to hold for a long time. But life was going up because i taught myself and learned form my past, my mistakes, my trauma. I met many lovely ppl i hold close to my heart, i came back the person i was always supposed to be. happy, beaming, creative, silly, goofy, emotional and full of love. I was contagious.

Because of what i went through i realised how important love and support really is. therefore i acquired all the knowledge i could over the years. the internet is a great place, an abundance of information right at your fingertips, countless videos or podcasts. whatever your heart desires. alongside an abundance of real life experiences to convert the knowledge into skill. obviously once again, not claiming to be perfect. yet the most bitter pill to swallow is realising that the person you love still just doesn't get it. after hours of explaining and countless chances all these years. i find myself in doubt, doesn't mean i don't love them. i love them dearly. i want to spend my life with this person, but i just feel defeated. for the countless time explaining normal human decency and respect and what i want from love. i was willing to put in the effort and take hits for the greater cause. but i guess i was just delusional, it's been going on for so long, it feels like i have nothing left to give. its been soul crushing. yet i still find it in me to try. i'm by far not perfect and i have made many mistakes, but to me it seem, deep down, they are not really trying. all empty words, promises and apologies. they have made me dull again. my skin looks old, because i overthink everything and don't sleep, asking myself where i went wrong all night long. i have come to a point where i feel abused and mistreated again. i can't love openly anymore. i miss my happy old self. she was so pure.

on top of all that, i must admit my eating disorder is back again. funny how it sneaks up on you. like the good old days. i don't move anymore, don't really eat anymore when i'm alone, which i am often. i'm skinny as a stick, and the sick part is my brain went back to wanting to lose more weight again. even though there is nothing that i can afford to lose. i was so happy when i thought i got rid off my self sabotage habits. i was wrong. i think they never left, l just had the mental capacity to fight it each day. it pains me to admit, i don't believe i have it in me anymore. i have been distancing myself emotionally from the person i love to spare me and it works most times. daily life feels as normal as it can be, but its obviously not sustainable. i want a deep connection but every time i open up it only lasts for a short time and then i'm inevitably met with yet another disappointment that overshadows all the good. i feel unease. scared to open up because i don't want to get hurt over and over again. highs are too high, lows are way too low. i don't feel secure. so much has happened in the past. i feel like at any time they could pull the rug out from under me. i don't know what to do. i don't want to give this up. will i really have to choose myself and walk away form the person i love, because they just can't treat me right?

[mypoisonedvine]

the martyrdom of st. valentine (and other romantic stories) || dark!Bucky & dark!(stepbrother?)Steve x reader

summary: you wanted to surprise your boyfriend on valentine's day, but he and your foster brother have a surprise of their own.

word count: 2.7k

warnings: smut (heavy dubcon to the point of pretty much noncon), kinda stepcest (as per summary, steve is the reader's foster brother), bondage, a lil touch of degradation

2/14 to-do list

get waxed

get Steve out of the apartment

pick up chocolate-covered strawberries from bakery on 6th

blindfold and handcuff myself to the bed

be waiting for Bucky naked when he gets here

You sighed as you looked down at the paper, crossing the first and third items off the list. The second was going to be a bit harder, unfortunately; your foster brother had a habit of hanging around and cramping your style as much as he could manage. He felt like a real brother in that way… okay, maybe he felt like a real brother in most ways, a consequence of knowing him for most of your life, but he was definitely not your real brother. You remembered that each time you caught yourself staring too long when he was shirtless, or returning from the gym all veiny and glistening with sweat.

But you also remembered that he was still the closest thing to a real brother you'd ever had, and you scolded yourself internally for ever acting differently.

It didn’t matter now— you had Bucky, and he was the most amazing guy you’d ever met.  No, Steve was definitely not happy that introducing his best friend to his sister led to a relationship forming, but he couldn’t stop either of you in spite of his efforts to keep you apart.

Bucky had once expressed his suspicions that it was at least in part due to jealousy, if subliminal.  But you denied it unilaterally— he’s basically my brother, you told him, though it was more of a reminder to yourself than anything.

Perverted concerns about Steve’s motivations aside, Bucky was a great guy.  A bit of a sweet-talker for sure, and not exactly known for his ability to keep a long-term, serious relationship, but he was adamant that you had changed that and for once you were beginning to believe him.  You’d said from the beginning that you didn’t need this to be the proverbial ‘it’ for either of you but that you didn’t do hook-ups— especially with your brother’s friends, and extra especially with your brother’s closest and longest friend.  It only took a brief speech and two shots to convince you, now six months later and you were still going strong.

Days like this made you so happy you’d given in to his advances.  But they also made you regret giving in to Steve’s idea to be roommates in college.

“Stevie!” you yelped as he walked in, stuffing the to-do list into your backpocket.  “Just the man I wanted to see.”

“I doubt that,” he scoffed.  “It’s Valentine’s Day, I bet you want to see Bucky.  He’s coming over, right?  And you want me to fuck off so my best friend can go to town on my sister?”

You frowned, crossing your arms.  “I wanted to see you because I have a gift for you.”

“... you do?”  His eyebrow raised and you hoped your smirk looked just as smug as it felt.

“So do you want your gift or do you want to be an asshole?”

“Do I have to pick just one?” he joked.

“Just come over here,” you instructed, waving him closer.  He seemed hesitant, but eventually did as you’d asked.  From your other back pocket you pulled out two tickets.

“Rangers, center ice,” you beamed.  “For you and a date.”

“And this isn’t just an excuse to get me out of the house?”

“No, it’s a thank you for being such a great brother.”

“So, if I wanted to take Bucky…” he trailed off, already calling your bluff as you rolled your eyes.

“Okay, that’s just sad.  There’s no reason you can’t find a girl to take— god knows Bucky hasn’t spent a Valentine’s Day alone since the fucking eighth grade.  And you’re just as cute as he is!”

“Well, if you could alert the rest of the female population to that, that would be great,” he scoffed, “but until then I’ll take the tickets,” he decided as he took them from your hand.  “A Rangers game might be the only thing distracting enough to keep me from thinking about what you and Buck are gonna do while I’m gone.”

You were hoping for a little more enthusiasm considering how much the tickets had cost you, but at least he was going to go and give you the apartment to yourself for the evening.  “You’re welcome, by the way.”

After stripping and sprinkling rose petals on the comforter, you'd actually found a YouTube tutorial on how to blindfold and handcuff oneself, and it was a little odd that enough people had this problem to merit its existence but it was still very helpful: turns out the secret is to blindfold yourself first but keep it folded up with one eye able to see until you do the handcuffs, then use your arm to slide the blindfold down into place.

It was tricky, and a little bit extra awkward while naked, but you figured it out and smiled proudly to yourself as you completed your last task on your to-do list.

Now, for likely the most difficult task of all: waiting in darkness and silence for Bucky to arrive.

Apparently it is, in fact, possible to be slightly bored yet titillated.  The thought of what Bucky would do to you when he got here was exciting, but it only made you crave his presence more which enhanced your quiet loneliness.  It wasn't like you could read a book or listen to music to kill the time, so you settled for humming to yourself as you waited.

Don't go changing, to try and please me, something something before, hmmm

I just want someone that I can talk to, I want you just the way you are...

But that grew tiresome quickly and you resorted instead to planning exacty how angry you would be if Bucky was late when you were waiting for him in such a compromising and inconvenient state.  For a moment you imagined he'd really gone to the Rangers game with Steve and became briefly livid over a hypothetical situation.

The crackling roar of Bucky's motorcycle outside was distant but undeniable, making you smile in anticipation.  You worried for a moment that you might have locked the top lock of the front door by instinct, but thankfully Bucky and to make it inside alright since next thing you knew, your bedroom door was opening.

The rattle of the doorknob made your breath catch; you opened your legs slowly in time with the quiet creak of the hinges.  “I’ve been waiting for you…” you purred.

“Hi there, babydoll,” Bucky’s voice answered back huskily.

The heavy steps of his boots made it clear he hadn't taken his shoes off at the door, a habit that had driven you crazy since he was your annoying brother's also-annoying best friend.  Was this the real reason he'd chained you up, so he could freely irritate you?  What next, was he gonna put a cold drink on your nightstand without a coaster?

"You really went all out for me, sweetheart," he noticed, his voice closer than you'd expected; it was fun to not know exactly where he would be, it made you squirm under the gaze you couldn't see but could somehow feel.

How weight joining yours on the bed was a good sign to his location though, along with his hands sliding up your legs.

“Look at this pretty pussy,” he cooed pridefully as he dove in suddenly and licked a thick stripe through your folds.

“Fuck,” you shivered, tugging on your handcuffs unintentionally.

“Feel good, babygirl?” he pressed, chuckling when you nodded.  “You want more?”

“Please,” you whimpered.

He didn’t get back to it right away, the weight on the bed shifting slightly, and it made you fear that he planned to make you beg more before eating you out— but finally his lips returned to you as his tongue explored your sex.

“Oh god,” you moaned, your back arching of its own volition.  It was a little different than he normally did this— less confident and measured, more cautious yet hungry.  Typically he teased you a lot more, knowing exactly the spots that drove you wild and intentionally leaving them understimulated until you begged him to let you come, but now as soon as he found them he was targeting them— perhaps a rare show of mercy from the guy who was normally happy to leave you on edge for hours.

You could feel his moans vibrating into you when he slid his tongue inside and against your channel; it instantly made your back arch as the handcuffs quietly clinked above your head.

He stopped just a little too soon, pulling your hips up until the back of your legs were resting on the front of his.  Being manhandled by him turned you on enough to make you bite your lip.

"Fuck, put your cock in me, wanna feel you," you moaned your plea as you heard the rustling of clothes; your mouth watered when you imagined Bucky stripping, with that insane body of his.

His thick head glided over your entrance and you were preparing to beg some more when he suddenly pushed in, giving you what you wanted so much faster than normal.  Not that you were complaining!

He was also much quieter than normal, which you were actually willing to complain about but didn't.

"Oh god," you groaned at the feeling of him stretching you open, gasping when his cock brushed right over your spot— it made your body jolt each time he pulled back and hit it again.

"Feels good, huh?" Bucky asked and you nodded happily.

"So good," you whimpered.

"I wasn't asking you."

Before you could question it, Bucky’s calloused fingers pulled up your blindfold— but it was Steve’s face above you, Steve’s body on top of yours… and, much to your horror, Steve’s cock inside you.

“What the fuck?!” you yelped, trying to squirm away as you tugged at the cuffs but failing completely.

“Fuck,” Steve winced, “you get really tight when you struggle like that.”

“Don’t act so surprised, babygirl,” Bucky cooed playfully as you turned to stare at his devilish grin.  “You wanted this… you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself.  And Stevie here always wanted this, too, and aren’t you so glad he told me?”

You shuddered as Steve continued thrusting, pushing his cock so deep it made you feel a little nauseous.  "Steve, you've gotta stop," you begged.   "If you love me, you'll stop."

"That's the thing: I love you too much to stop."

He moved faster, paying no mind to your confused whimpers, holding your hips tight as his head fell back slightly which brandished his thick neck and bobbing Adam's apple.

"There's no point in pretending," Bucky reminded you coldly, watching the whole thing with crossed arms and an expression that almost looked… bemused?  "You already showed us how much you love it, so don't waste your time acting so disgusted now."

You regretted more than anything saying that it felt good, literally asking him to fuck you before you really understood what you were asking for: you thought it was Bucky, yes, but that didn't mean it was an act.  It did feel good, and that must've been obvious to everyone since you were so wet already.  You could hear it each time he pushed all the way in, that telltale squelching noise that was somehow disgusting and hot all at once.

Steve wasn't so quiet now that he didn't have to be.  "God, you feel so good," he whispered, grabbing the backs of your knees and pushing your legs up.  It forced his cock even deeper and you choked on your own suppressed moan.

You heard Bucky opening his belt, and turned your head to see him pull out and stroke his cock while he watched Steve fuck you.  It was hard to imagine what he was getting out of this; he never seemed like the sharing type, if anything he sometimes became too possessive.  But clearly there was a lot about him and Steve that you didn't understand.

"Play with her tits," Bucky instructed, voice a bit deeper as he pleasured himself, "makes her come so fast."

Steve dropped your legs to rest on his shoulders so his hands were free to grope your chest, thick fingers twisting and tugging your nipples.  Annoyingly, Bucky knew his way around your body well by now, and so it was difficult to pretend that Steve's touches weren't sending shocks of pleasure right down your spine and to your core.

You had been biting on your lip so hard to stay quiet that you feared you would break the skin, until Bucky leaned down and gave you a little slap on the cheek— not very hard, but enough to make you gasp which in turn released the moan you'd been holding back.

"There it is, honey, don't be quiet for my benefit," Bucky encouraged.  "It's okay to like it, I'm not gonna be jealous."

As if that was your concern; angering your boyfriend by enjoying being fucked by your foster brother.  

"You really overestimate my interest in your— fuck— in your feelings," you panted as you glared up at Bucky where he was grinning down at you with a look that almost indicated pride.

"You're gonna come, aren't you?" he asked, ignoring your resistance entirely.  Whatever chance you had at pretending he was wrong was lost when, just for a moment, your eyes widened at his question.  "Yeah, thought so.  I can tell by that dumb look on your face.  I'm close too, babydoll, betcha wanna taste it…"

His free hand roughly held your jaw open as he stroked himself desperately, his weak groan coinciding with the moment you felt his hot seed spray into your open mouth, his taste familiar despite the entirely surreal circumstances.

It was purely coincidence that you came in that moment, your walls bearing down on Steve while you tried to stay silent so you wouldn't choke on Bucky's spend.

"Fuck, that's it, gonna fill this pretty mouth— god yes, you'd better swallow it all," he sighed as come painted your tongue and the inside of your cheek.  Maybe it was more than normal or maybe it was just that he was tightening his hand around the head of his cock to get every drop in your mouth, but either way it was enough to give you quite a mouthful to swallow, which you did without much question due to force of habit.

"M’close too," Steve warned as Bucky stepped back, "I'm gonna come."

“No, Steve, not inside,” you whimpered, hearing the way your voice had weakened after your orgasm, “you can’t…”

“I can,” he disagreed, “Bucky said so.”

Once again, Bucky's will was more important than your own, and your desperate pulling at the handcuffs was only another reminder of the way you'd guided yourself into his trap.

"Don't," you stammered one more time, but it was hard to focus when he was filling you exactly how you needed, when his thick hands gripping your waist felt just as perfect as you'd secretly imagined so many times… 

Denial is a powerful drug, but so is two orgasms in a row.

"Fuck!" you yelped as you felt a gush of warmth drip from your entrance, even further wetness spurring on Steve's fast and brutal thrusts into you.

"Knew you'd love it," Steve mumbled, growling slightly as he slammed into you.  "Knew you'd take it so well, make a pretty mess all over my cock— fuck I can't wait anymore, gotta fill you up, oh my god... gotta give you my load, honey, you want it?"

"Yes," you sobbed, "Steve, yes, come in me…"

He didn't need much more encouragement than that, groaning loudly as you felt his cock flex and pulse against your walls, his release overwhelmingly hot inside you.

You sighed in time with Steve as he finally stilled, and it was hard to know where to look when Steve and Bucky were both staring down at you.  “What happens now?” you found yourself asking, not so much a literal question about the next task but more about what the three of you were going to do with all the unfortunate truths that had come to light in less than half an hour.

“What happens now is I take my turn,” Bucky informed you sternly, pushing Steve aside.  “Did you really think I wasn’t gonna fuck my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?”

[cursestothemoon]

hellooooo<3 so, ive always loved the idea of Harry having an older protective sister(he really need one😭) could u pls do a headcanon of how she protects harry and their relationship? annnnddd how she also is dating Fred?? my heart needs it, pls and thank u❤️

i LOVE THIS 

(also i switch from third person pov to second person in the middle of this so im sorry :) but its fine ) 

ok 

i know a common headcanon/ fancanon for harry’s sister is that she looks like lily 

but hear me out 

Y/n Potter who looks exactly like James 

i mean to the T

and Lily would always make little teasing comments about how both her kids look like their dad and james is just :)

anyway

just picture it 

dark brown, wavy hair that was just tussled enough at all times

blue eyes

and the round rimmed glasses that James used to wear

stOP SHE WEARS HER DADS GLASSES BECAUSE WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE SHE’D PULL THEM OFF OF HIM AND AFTER HE DID SHE KEPT THEM AND WHEN SHE MISSES HIM SHE WEARS THEM AND THEY ARE SLIGHTLY TOO BIG AND SIT CROOKED ON HER FACE 

i made myself cry

anyway

lets talk protecting harry first then we will get into dating fred 

so she’s older meaning she’d be in Hogwarts for before him

let’s say she's two years older

George and Fred’s year

and she’d hear the whispers about her 

obviously

and i think she wouldn't tell harry

she would know the story of how their parents died and who harry was to the wizarding community but in an effort to protect Harry’s innocence and childhood for just a little while longer she wouldn’t tell him

at least not until he got to school then she’d be the one to tell him everything 

she is fiercely protective of Harry 

if someone so much as looked at him funny she was chewing their head off 

Harry might’ve been like James 

but Y/n Potter is James 

down to the way her eyes would narrow at someone in class when they made a rude comment 

or she’d try to charm her way out of trouble 

or charm Harry out of trouble

oH MY GOD SHE’D BE IN MCGONAGALL’S CLASS AND ONE OF HER FRIENDS WOULD SAY SOMETHING FUNNY AND SHE’D BE TRYING SO HARD TO HOLD IN HER LAUGH AND SHE’D MAKE THE SAME FACE JAMES WOULD MAKE WHEN TRYING NOT TO LAUGH

Mcgonagall almost cried 

she needed a moment 

ok Y/n would take the first week or so just to show Harry around Hogwarts 

she did not care if she was late

Harry was going to feel comfortable 

oH SHE NEARLY BEAT OLIVER WOOD WITH A BEATER’S BAT WHEN SHE FOUND OUT HE PUT HER TEENY LITTLE BROTHER ON THE QUIDDITCH TEAM AS A SEEKER

she is also part of the team, a chaser

will get spend most of the first few games with Harry making sure he’s ok

yeah malfoy doesn’t stand a chance

never did

10/10 would use the cloak to prank him

all the time

nothing is out of limits 

especially after he’s been nasty to Harry and his friends

growing up harry gets all embarrassed when she protects him because hes 15!1!1! he can handle it 

she is kinda hurt 

very dramatic 

“mY WITTLE BROTHER DOESN’T NEED ME”

“y/n... please”

“nO ITS OK HARRY I GET IT, ILL GO”

“where are you going?”

“YOU DON’T NEED ME ANYMORE, I AM NO LONGER NEEDED HERE”

“you don't HAVE TO LEAVE, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS”

Ron was giggling on the couch in the common room he thought this whole scene was hilarious 

ron thinks she is so cool

ok i think she’d also have these little bits of lily that would shine through

unlike harry and james, who could just inhale near a book and get just above average grades

she took pride in studying and being able to sit down and absorb material 

Lily always passed with flying colors because she was a good student who wanted to prove herself 

it was the satisfaction of spending hours studying and being able to retain the information and apply it to earn an amazing grade that she loved

she passed this on to you

as well as her kindness to people who she believed deserved it

and quick wit

you two also had the same hands 

you had everything else from James but your hands looked like your mothers

down to the way your nails grew and fingers held a quill

snape hated it

because he really couldn’t hate you

he was weird around you though

hes just weird

where he'd bully and embarrass Harry 

he couldn’t do that to you because you wouldn’t give him the chance to

you knew the material

you knew the answer 

and he hated how when your hand shot up it looked just like Lily’s 

but you were making the stupid face James would when he’d concentrate 

you did not like snape

at first you were impartial 

then when you heard how rude he was to Harry...

it was also over for him

he didn’t stand a chance 

you had an affinity for pranks, fiercely protective, and you had gall 

your hand writing also looked like Lilys and snape had a rough time grading your essays

tough for him 

:)

also if any rumors went around about harry you were quick to make them actually about you

harry is the heir of slytherin?

actually no Y/n Potter is, there is no evidence but we just heard that it was her somewhere 

you didn’t care as long as no one was being rude to Harry

leTS TALK DEATHLY HALLOWS

so you don’t go with them on the hunt for Horcrux 

and you’d be going insane not knowing how they were or if they were ok

because all your life you had been able to protect to some extent 

but you were completely helpless now

you could do nothing

and then at the battle of hogwarts 

pLEASE

no one stood a chance

the feeling of seeing harry again

beaten, bruised, but still alive 

it was overwhelming

then seeing Hagrid crying in his seemingly dead body

also overwhelming

because you had failed 

you couldn't protect him 

and he heard you scream first 

it was loud and strangled and Harry felt so bad but he knew he had to do this 

I like to think Y/n Potter is the one who killed Voldemort in the end 

you cant argue with me on this sorry

ok

now

lets talk

dating freddie

so he’d probably notice you here and there starting in first year

but he was an eleven year old boy and girls were not on his radar right now

but he thought you were funny and pretty cool 

and your round glasses that were just a little too big for your adolescent face made you look cute 

then you tried out for the quidditch team with him and George 

you were amazing 

not only did you have James natural talent for the sport but that paired with Lily’s tactical thinking and quick mind

you were unstoppable 

you were brought on the team as a seeker 

and you were good at it too, but it wasn’t you’re favorite position

it entailed a lot of waiting and not really moving until you caught sight of the snitch

it was your excellent flying mixed with the fact that you literally had no sense of self preservation that made you a really good seeker

you'd just

nose dive 

if you hit the bottom you hit the bottom oh well 

but when Harry showed up you were happy to give him your position as seeker and take on the more exciting (at least to you) job of chaser

it was your quidditch playing that really got fred’s attention

because you were good 

and during team lunches or team hang outs you were always the life of the party

not because you were avidly trying to be 

but like james, people jus gravitated to your goofiness and happiness 

it was about the middle of fifth year fred realized he had a crush on you

and little man was panicked 

you had noticed fred before that

obviously 

but he was always just the funny guy on the team 

but as everyone knows the potter’s have a thing for gingers 

and it was when they came to pick you and Harry up from the Dursley's just before the quidditch world cup that you saw how attractive he really was 

please its james and lily all over again

kinda 

you become the funniest person in the room when he’s around

always smiley

lilypad?

no.

freddie bug

aH STOP PLEASE THAT’S SO CUTE

YOU’D JUST STARE AT HIM WITH A STUPID SMILE 

it would get to the point you'd be just blatantly flirting 

and fred bluSHES

BECAUSE HE ISN’T USED TO BEING THE ONE ON THE RECEIVING END OF SUCH CLEAR FLIRTING

usually he is the one to pick up girls

he has the charm

likes to make them blush

but yOU CAN JUST LOOK AT HIM WITH A STUPID SMILE AND HES BE ALL GIDDY 

he could barely get a compliment in between your flirting

“Morning Freddie bug, looking cute as always.”

George thinks it both hilarious and disgusting

ron just thinks its disgusting 

but fred is ultimately the one to make the first move to be more than just friends who flirt when the yule ball comes around

he asks you

“Potter! Potter!”

“yes?”

“You, me, Yule ball....”

and as he’s pantomiming it (ya know like in the movie) he also pantomimes a very heavy make out session then what you could assume would be kisses all over your face

it was now your turn to blush as you agreed to go with him

you guys started dating after that :)

pLEASE ONCE HARRY GOT WITH GINNY AND HE SAW A PICTURE OF YOUR PARENTS 

YOUR MOM BEING A RED HEAD AND YOU AND HARRY LOOKING JUST LIKE YOUR DAD

HE WOULD NOT STOP THE JOKES

“i see why you’re with me. it’s my hair isnt it?”

“what? no its no-”

“you probably wouldn’t even look my way if i didn’t have red hair. you potters are unbelievable.”

“you are such a dummy”

“oH AM I? BUT YOU KEEP ME AROUND BECAUSE OF THE HAIR. I SHOULD’VE KNOWN IT WASN’T MY SPARKLING PERSONALITY THAT YOU LOVE.”

taglist:

@amourtentiaa

@siriusement

[elsecrytt]

Heyyyyy

For your sandwich Saturday/Sunday I propose my two top boys, Levi and Dia <3

Specially since they're already kinda besties between them 👁👁

Annnoooooon are you season threeeeeeeee,,, I wonder how many people on here are on or finished with season three actually. Most of the people I talk to aren't, but I have a pretty limited social circle in this fandom still (although the folks I do know are awesome, lovely people). All right then, Levi and Dia~ Levi definitely has a lot to share - with you, with Dia, with anyone who will actually sit down and listen to him, to be honest. Diavolo would at least try to keep up, and that's an effort Levi would recognize and appreciate, even if he calls Dia a normie under his breath XD Definitely lots of anime/gaming nights! Where you and Levi debate which anime to watch (Dia is probably okay with anything - it's all new to him!), or he sets up whatever game he has for three players. (If it's split screen, then the two of them will share the top half of the screen while you get the bottom half all to yourself,,, its love) Diavolo is also the sort of person who likes to go out and do new things, too. He's not at all unlikely to invite Levi out on basically every outing you and him go on - he'd be delighted to have him, too. Levi's probably not one for normal dates but the fact that Dia is always inviting him out would do wonders for his jealousy. Like, we all KNOW he doesn't really want to go to that animal cafe with you two, but he DOES have the invitation. It would be hard for him to self-deprecate when Diavolo is so sunny and friendly about it. Dia will probably text him during the date, too, possibly taking a picture of you to share with him, cheer him up~ If his jealousy ever gets the better of him, he can always say yes to accompanying you guys. He might even have an okay time, between you, his Henry, and Dia, a massive social butterfly. But afterwards he can kinda get some perspective - he calls himself a "shut-in", but really, he's just avoiding doing things that make him uncomfortable. It's not something you or Dia look down on him for. And you guys will join him for games or anime most days of the week, too! Diavolo is happy, Levi is happy - all that's left is for them to make you happy. And honestly, they're both very doting in their own ways, they would positively shower you in attention whenever you were with them. When they're together, they have so much energy and excitement, never failing to recharge you - or exhaust you completely. Like obviously Diavolo will spare no expense, he's happy to go to any restaurant or event or activity you always wanted to try out but never thought you could afford. Ever been sky diving? It's too scary? "Ahahaha! Is it? I've always loved flying, myself. Why don't we try it out together?" (Diavolo is strong enough to carry you AND Levi, should you both be so inclined. Levi might even be willing to go for it, with the right cosplay/anime references incentive...!) In terms of NSFW, I feel like they'd probably have pretty separate bedroom lives with you. Levi is so introverted. But, for the sake of horny, let me paint you a picture,,, (nsfw is a bit under the cut,,, reader gets penetrated but is otherwise ambiguous) -

Perhaps,,, mayb,, just mayb,,, Levi gets... jealous, knowing you're banging Dia. And he doesn't want to be, he knows he shouldn't be, Diavolo is HIS friend too, after all. Like, he's not Lucifer or anything, but after getting to know the guy he's gotta admit Diavolo is a pretty great person. He always pays attention when Levi is introducing him to new animes, or ranting about the latest game he enjoys. Really pays attention, makes sure to watch or play it later, asks Levi questions or even asks to watch or play with him. Diavolo notices when Levi is feeling a little sulky and self-effacing, who sometimes seems to cancel plans with you out of the blue if he notices Levi's been down in their texts. They text frequently and Diavolo even messages him out of the blue about things he thinks Levi might like - and the guesses get better all the time. Diavolo... is a friend. A real friend, just like you were to him. Diavolo encourages you to hang out with him, gives you alone time together and everything. He sees the loser otaku shut-in and smiles, tells him he's happy to see him. Levi doesn't want to resent Diavolo for spending time with you. He really, really doesn't! It's not fair! How come he has to feel this way when Diavolo's all confident and can afford to be generous? So maybe... you offer sometime.... a solution. If Levi wants he can watch you fuck Diavolo. If Levi wants he can be there for it. Come on, Levi - just think of it as another one of your hentai. Just watch it, like it's an anime, enjoy the scene, the visuals, the sounds... He watches you fuck and starts rubbing himself without thinking - when you see it and moan, tell him how hot it is that he's jerking it to you getting fucked, it just makes him harder, he hears Diavolo groan as well, and - Soon,,, maybe,,, PERHAPS,,, just a LITTOL,,, Levi jerks himself, watches Diavolo fuck into you, faster, faster, hears his friend's breaths grow heavy while you tense up against him, quivering around his cock, he sees a fierce light glowing in those golden eyes - "Stop," and in an instant, your prince is ground to a halt, halted thrusting into you, and you nearly wail at the loss, the release that just - so close - didn't come. "Stop," Levi pants, his hand slowing over his cock, "This is all wrong. The angle is awful! It's not fair - I can't even see both your faces - and you're really going to fuck them standing like that, Diavolo?" Diavolo blushes and adjusts the angle, even while you gasp and shiver with his cock drawing out as he lays you down and positions himself behind you. Until Levi barks out another order, explains exactly what position he wants, all in graphic, explicit detail - If he gets too impatient he just walks up and shoves Diavolo and then you into the right position, slots your bodies and limbs where he wants them with quick, nimble movements (Diavolo isn't slow and he isn't stupid, either, Levi just looked like he could use some participation - and he knows you'd be happy to have Levi involved, too) And yes, maybe he does join in on once instance or another. Wouldn't you just look so delicious sucking him off while Diavolo reamed you - and maybe, just maybe, he could go down on you while Diavolo fucked you, too, watch you get destroyed so completely by bliss on both ends - Once it opens up, the ideas are endless. You and Diavolo have your own private time, just like you have plenty of time alone with Levi. But it's undeniably fun to indulge Leviathan's overactive imagination, and he seems to pull so many delectably hot ideas just out of thin air, day after day - you shudder to think what Levi might end up doing to you when he decides he can bring toys into your little menage a trois sessions... Levi doesn't feel jealous now - not anymore. Not with the Crown Prince of the Devildom and his precious human both begging him with tears in their eyes for their release, hanging on his every direction. Not when the scene is his to direct, and oh, his mind is just swirling with plots planned out...

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update: 10/28/2022

I have been writing this week, it's just been very slow. Sometimes, I write very fluidly and the words just flow forth from my fingertips, and sometimes its a huge effort to extrude out a single sentence and then I'm so tired afterward that I have to go do something else, and this week it's been more of the latter. I know it's not any sort of moral failing, it's just that I didn't have a really good idea of where I was going with this conversation (and diner conversations are keystones of my fanfic, so it is very important, obviously), so there was a lot of feeling my way out and writing things immediately throwing them out again. I always feel very bad to you, my readers, which I get like this, because it feels like ten billion years since I have given you anything (it has been 12 days).

Anyway, I am pretty close at this point (this is Ch 15 of Tattoo AU, I forgot to say that up front). There's a good chance I'll finish it today, but I'm gonna have to let it stew for a bit before I re-read it, because the other problem with writing really slow is that I forget which adverbs I've abused and which body language tics, etc. I also feel like I want to get at least part of the next chapter under my belt, too. But hopefully, next week sometime!

I actually re-read the other tattoo artist AU this week (the fanfic part) and it's so cute and precious, I kinda want to work on it again, but I cannot, I need to space it out a little. Also, I really really need to finish this one before I start on anything else. I feel like once I get through this chapter, I will basically be in the home stretch. Like, maybe 7 more chapters to go? If I could keep up with 1 ch/week, I could get it done by the end of the year, which I was sort of hoping for.

Anyway, I also did a drawing for Ichihime week. Being a lifelong comics/manga fan, I always want to be an artist with strong linework and I always find it kind of surprising and irritating how easy it is to make lineless art look good. I also realized while doing this that I've worked myself into an art place I can make things that look good, but it takes me one milliion years to do so, and it's so tiring and intimidating that I just haven't been bothered. I probably need to do some sort of exercise in drawing things quickly. I've had a post in my drafts with a bunch of night palettes in it for like, 3 months, so I might do a sketch requests thing, with absolutely no promise of any kind of quality? That might be fun.

[generallypo]

in all sincerity, kim dokja makes me happy and he deserves to be so too :^(

incoherent yelling and sobbing under the cut. these fEELINGS will not be contained aaauuunnghhh. 

------

anyway i binge-read all 500+ chapters of ORV this week and i honest to god feel bad for this -- completely! fictional! aghhhh -- guy. in case you haven’t figured it out, the following is some spoilerly shit

i went in expecting a fun, brainless power trip fantasy for dudes with an isekai addiction. instead, it turns out ORV is actually a gigantic, self-deprecating prank on the entire genre itself. kdj plays more into the sad -- if high-functioning-- clown trope than the sexy, edgy, chuuni bastard type i was prepared to laugh at. there were -- gasp! -- female characters with personalities! parents (aka ADULTS who act like ADULTS) who actually survive and feature prominently! adorable children! a real sexy, edgy bastard! a power trio with amazing fashion! sexual tension and bickering! friendship! life and death bonding! 

*breathes in deeply* fouND FAMILYYYYYYY.

like, yeah, the plot around the first few arcs seems a little aimless, but the buildup is worth. the world-building is pretty decent. there’s discernible effort put into the fight scenes, and i can appreciate that. but -- but! what i stayed for were the characters -- namely, the fantastic OT3 of KDJ, HSY, and YJH -- who come together despite their initial rivalries and end up saving each other’s asses, like, every other day. granted, the other characters don’t get as much focus, and they do fall into certain character tropes.. 

but a trope done well is nothing i would gripe about. every significant character in ORV has a coherent, and more importantly, respectful take on their respective trope. maybe it’s because sing-shong is actually a married couple, but all the interactions between even minor characters are a convincing blend of awkward rambling, suggestive humor, sharp remarks, and casual banter. in other words, this cast of mostly working adults (plus a teen and two kids) talks like working adults. the relationships built throughout the story are, frankly, some of most realistic of its genre. sing-shong has managed to craft a dynamic that undoubtedly brims with fluffy fondness all around, but also drips with sarcastic tension, with unspoken urgency, with a wariness that softens into sincerity over the course of many, many chapters. it’s the kind of progression that makes even stock characters read like more than just the 2-bit villain or comrade or love interest. here, we have relationships both straightforward and not, strained or otherwise, romantically-oriented as well as decidedly the opposite -- and then numerous others scattered along the spectrum with the freedom to shift either way. 

it’s also an interesting point of note that our MC kdj actually does not end up with a stated romantic partner, much less a conventional heteroromantic harem. he gets teased about that fact from time to time, but it’s with less of the sleazy shonen locker room humor one would expect and more of the good-natured ribbing you’d find among friends or that one especially nosy auntie at the yearly family reunion. kdj is a grown ass man. in the background, i applaud his maturity, and he handles all the prodding like a champ. 

so instead of finding and fulfilling his horny, he builds himself a wealth of loving family. yeah, there are beautiful men and women around him. yeah, they unequivocally adore him. but they’re also adults, and they have priorities, too -- which are not so much finding a way to bang kdj’s brains out and more so simply keeping the damn guy alive. this is truly not ‘oblivious mc with his thirsty, sex kitten harem’. it just so happens that a guy proves himself to be unflinchingly gentle and capable in an apocalyptic setting despite his broken self-esteem, and lots of people find that attractive, romantically and platonically. 

it.. kinda makes sense? he’s a hard worker, thoughtful, and good with kids. kdj is the kind of guy you know would make a reliable partner, and anybody with eyes can plainly see and appreciate that. 

and it’s not that our MC’s a total brick wall. in fact, it’s likely the opposite, and he’s just too darned repressed to admit it. from what has been implied, kdj does indeed recognize and accept love, or at least a primitive concept of it. i like to imagine that the kind of love that he ends up seeking out simply manifests itself more easily as acceptance and safety, as warmth and a home of people to return to every day. even better, the people who surround him know this, and they give him exactly that. it’s refreshing, and honestly, really sweet.

(as a side note, i really, really do appreciate the cosmic bi energy radiating off of kdj, who canonically earns the title of being loved by all and is all but in name married to yjh and hsy. he also respects women and small children and honestly anyone who isn’t total scum to him or his family. i respect that.)

but the happy stuff aside, you know it it just ain’t ORV without the generous screaming dollop of angst. admittedly, there’s self-sacrifice, injury, lonesome wandering, more sacrifice, some epic fighting, reunion and confrontation. all of it is a lot to digest, sure, but never does it feel entirely hopeless, or truly, truly heart-clenching. ORV, up until the final act, is a mostly light read. you relax in your chair, thinking that nothing beyond this point can disturb you. 

yeah fucking right.

------

and then the beginning of the end arrives. when the squad finally break through to their ‘ending’, the scene that kind of breaks me is the reveal of the Most Ancient Dream. it ties so much thematically into the little tidbits that we get of kdj’s past, and it though it feels like almost a joke that the source of the goddamn apocalypse is a kid with bruises smeared across his skinny ass body -- it’s such a pathetic picture that it’s kinda poetic, actually. you’re left mystified but somewhat convinced, like a math problem explained halfway through. this.. child.. is a villain somehow, isn’t he?

and then 999th turn uriel speaks up, and she. just. hugs him. 

[[You are this universe’s most powerless existence, aren’t you.]] 

that. that gets me. kdj’s reaction immediately upon this revelation? absolute murder. seeing him essentially self-destruct upon realizing that all these people he’s surrounded himself with -- some who continuously proclaim their loyalty and affection for him throughout their journey, some who suffered eons of war and loss and trauma because of his existence -- not only forgive his younger self but smother him with unconditional acceptance and love is stifling, is too vulnerable and exposed and he simply can’t cope -- it’s so telling of his true mentality, of his crippling insecurity and crumpled sense of self-worth. kim dokja is a liar, through and through, so much that he fails, or perhaps refuses, to comprehend the veracity of others’ kindness and love towards himself. 

by some miracle, the events at the end of the world somehow resolve.. or so it seems. there is a departing train, a liberated team of ex-gods, and a child rousing from his slumber. in the aftermath, i am left shaking. somehow, despite the ending having been (happily?) reached, there’s still another chapter ahead. what is this witchcraft?

------

and then ah, yes -- the epilogue arc. i teetered on the edge of being critical for a little bit there -- is that display of deus ex machina, of sad, self-sacrificing nobility a bit too egregious to be acceptable? is this some wild last let-me-yank-this-outta-my-ass plot twist to drag out the chapter count? i sincerely thought that the arc before it would have been the finale. i was wrong. thank god.

anyways, as an answer to the above: no, and no. i stake my firm claim on the belief that the epilogue arc was meticulously planned out well in advance of its release, confusing and time-warpy as it is. i liked it. tremendously. even if it entirely invalidates all of kdj’s supposed development (”haha lol yeah sure i won’t sacrifice myself or anything anymore guys don’t worry about me” -- KDJ, at some point because he’s a lying rat bastard). actually, our beloved MC disappears for a large chunk of this arc, and i think it’s great. in his absence, the other characters not only go absolutely fucking nuts, but they have to figure out this new problem on their own, even if the lure of peaceful complacency in the newly saved Korea might convince them otherwise. 

and then the whole time paradox thing comes around. yjh goes to space, hsy saves the only life she can, and kdj grows up. the crew waits, holding onto their hope even if it bleeds them dry. sing-shong does a damn good job of illustrating their fraying calm, their lurking madness, the unseen but pervasive depression that seeps in from kdj’s absence. the kids lose their father, lhs and jhw lose their reliable leader figure, ysa loses a best friend and confidant, lsk -- as distant as she pretends to be from her son -- loses her only child. and then there’s hsy and yjh , who are essentially bereft of the other half of their existences. their pain is palpable, is grounded in the hopeless, gnawing frustration of an utterly meaningless victory. emotionally, ORV hits all the right -- if agonizing -- beats.

however, a story can’t sustain itself just through its pathos. i’m happy to say that ORV doesn’t drop the ball after the first milestone, and after all the hurt, the characters do leap straight back into action. even better, the plot holes actually do get patches, and the poetic cycle of writer, protagonist, and reader comes full circle by making use of all those supposedly throwaway characters from the myriad world lines. 

at the end of the road, there is a distinct sense of unity, of a delicate but undeniable cohesion to the world lines and their origins. sing-shong lets us guess a little here at the finish, but there’s just enough information to feel hopeful. maybe there never had been a definite start -- or finish -- to the story of kdj company, and... that’s okay. everybody ends up where they were meant to be, where they fought and struggled to reach. it’s.. almost like a happily ever after, if we’re allowed to dream of that.

------

now, i realize, this was all an orchestrated maneuver.

i’ll take it.

to me, all of this work sounds like someone put some serious thought into this behemoth of a plot. it cements the entire original premise of the story. it suggests -- but never explicitly confirms! -- the possibility that breaking free of the cycle is possible through the exact same system that sustains it. it’s terribly interesting -- and inspirational! with all the dramatic revelations and life-threatening scenarios  and the cast’s resigned acceptance of them that essentially make up ORV’s entire mood, there’s still that last hint of rebellious and righteous anger that lights up the whole damn nebula. it’s like the kdj company blasting away at the heavens just to yell into the nether: we’re not looking for the happy end, but the free one. stay alive.

it’s subtle, and yet it’s such an emotional gut punch. i came away with the most ruinous, frustrating, bittersweet sense of longing in ages. i pined. for these fictional darlings. god, i am weak.

so. yeah. ORV is pretty good. flawed, but ambitious and impressively thought out.  i’m stoked that the webtoon is making pretty good progress, even if it’ll take an eternity and a half to meet that monstrous chapter count. i’m still gonna follow it. hell yeah. 

------

(by the way the idea that secretive plotter and co are literally gonna take care of and raise baby kdj and spoil him and be the best friggin family a kid could ever want does things to me. protect him. he’s suffered too much. let at least one worldline’s version of him know happiness. and actually, aLL OF THEM DESERVE DOMESTIC BLISS TOGETHER IN A BIG OL MANSION WITH SUN AND FRESH AIR AND TENDER FAMILY MOMENTS UGH)

------

and there you have it, folks. you made it to the end. in the far, far distance, i’m cheering you on and crying my eyes out in gratitude. thanks for tuning in!

[keiarchived]

Happy Birthday, Keigo 

soft!Hawks x reader

warnings: Fluff, comfort, comedy kinda

words: 968

note: A little something for our favourite bird boi’s birthday, did I make myself cry a little whilst writing this? You bet 🥲

「 I’ll catch you if you fall 」

Keigo have long forgotten the last time he properly celebrated his birthday, sure parties were thrown every year by staffs at his agency, sometimes Rumi would drag him along so her friend doesn’t drown in sorrow whilst drinking alone. But at the end of the day, Keigo always return home to an empty lifeless apartment.

But this year is different — he have you, waiting on the other side of that door. Christmas decorations are still littered over the place, to the point he almost failed to recognise his own apartment when the festive season came around. But it wasn’t something Keigo couldn’t used to, in fact he quite enjoys the warm and cosy feelings these decorations brings. It makes it feel more like a home, one that’s less lifeless and lived in.

As if you haven’t surprised Keigo already with Christmas, celebrating in ways he wouldn’t usually do but it felt nice. To spend such a lonely season with someone other than liquor and cigarettes, having a proper Christmas dinner and opening presents in forever. 

There are only so much information about Hawks, the number two hero that are public. Age, birthday, height, weight, favourite food and what not. It is only nature for you to wanted to know more about him, but the time will come when he is read and you’re willing to wait for it. Reading up information on the official hero commission site is enough for now, at least he trusts you with his real name; Keigo. You found out about his birthday just a few days prior whilst browsing social media, keeping up with different heroes’ birthday is a pretty common thing after all. Of course Keigo had forgotten to mention it to you, a birthday party is the last thing on his mind after what happened last year and truth be told — he isn’t looking forward to the one his agency have planned this year.

Rather than a party, you decide to surprise him with something small. Just simple something between the two of you, taking advantages of sales and discount available after Christmas. You managed to get quite a few things whilst staying within budget, just few days before you gifted Keigo a pair of new gloves for Christmas so you went ahead and got him a couple of things more. A new pair of earrings, eyeliner and new headphones that he could use outside of work. There’s nothing wrong with spoiling you bide man right?

On the day of Keigo’s birthday, he still seemed pretty clueless as to what you had planned for them later evening which is good. Upon bidding him good bye with a kiss on his cheek, wishing him good luck with work. You smiled to yourself before getting everything prepared, food cooked, presents wrapped, room decorated and cake picked up. It may be a lot of work to do for the day, but its for him so it worths the effort.

As expected, Keigo’s agency threw a party for him much like last year and the year before. “Oh fuck...” He mumbled to himself, having to completely forgot about what day it is and needless to say; he had forgotten to tell you. So unlike those previous years — he only stayed a little while before making some sort of excuse to leave early, managed to dodge the bullet with Rumi too. If Keigo is honest, he wasn’t expecting for you to have plan anything — he assumed you were as clueless as he is to begin with. So when the click was heard, door swings open slowly it only revealed a familiar darkness. Maybe you had already settled in bed? With a quick glance towards the clock, it is pretty late since Keigo got home.

“Birdie?” He called quietly, as if scared to wake the sleeping beauty hiding in his bedroom. But yet again, Keigo was greeted by nothing but the eerie silence as he tread carefully. Where are you? Out shopping? Meeting a friend? Family? Normally you would let him know via text before heading out, but today he have got no text from you what’s so ever which is strange to begin with. First Keigo brushed it off buf now, maybe he should’ve called earlier. What if you were kidnapped by villains? A payback attempt they try to use against him, what if —

“Surprise!” Before Keigo could be pulled deeper into his own suffocating thoughts, his pupils shrinks, feathers ruffled as he froze in place with a leg up. This time you sure did caught him off guard, “Happy Birthday! Thought I would do something special since - Keigo?” However, before you could trail off and go into a ramble of your own, your attention was caught by the winged hero who chuckles with a faint blush dusted over his cheeks. “Yeah sorry, you just kinda took me by surprise.” He admits, a sheepish smile stretches over his lips whilst those crimson feather begins to smooth out themselves. “Buttt I love it, thanks chick. Honestly, this might be the first time in a while since I’ve celebrate my birthday. Doesn’t feel so bad now that you celebrating it with me.”

There are still plenty of mysteries you have yet to discover about this winged Hero; Hawks. But he’s someone worth waiting for, you just know it. “Well, hopefully you wouldn’t have to celebrate your birthday alone ever again.” The way Keigo’s eyes lit up, he felt a sense of warmth and security he had never before with anyone else. He is not alone anymore, Keigo have you. Maybe this time, he can finally let you in atlas. “Promise me to smile more?” You coos, fingers lifting each corner of his lips up playfully. “Promise.”

“Happy Birthday Keigo, my little winged hero.”