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justjams2003 · 2 years ago

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A/N: Hello everyone. I just want to thank you all so much for your support so far. I really am enjoying writing these for you guys. Once again, request are open. And this one was requested by @cotton-candy-clouds-26. So thank them for this one. If I get any of the names of the drugs wrong, I apologise. There aren't a lot of articles atm as the movie only came put 4 days ago. So, please bear with me. This story also plays into my first fic with Steve

Summary: Jeff got to use N-40 with Y/N. Afterwards he can't help but want to do so once more. When he mentions so to Steve, Steve gets furious. Dosing him with Darkenfloxx and calling Y/N to watch.

Warnings: Drug abuse, Mention of sex, alluding to sex, slight mention of smut, over-possesiveness, over-protective. (Tell me if I miss any)

Pairing: Steve Abnesti x reader, slight Jeff x reader

Word count: 1,2K+ words

Unedited, please comment for mistakes.

Steve had vowed to never test N-40 on you with another person ever again. However, he did do it once. That would time would now continuely come to bite him in the ass. You had slept with a man you came to learn as Jeff. He isn’t as protective on you as Steve, but when he falls, he falls hard.

After all, who wouldn’t want you? You’re very attractive, many of the guys there would come together at times. Just to discuss the girls there. It might be a bit weird, but they’re all criminals, they’re bound to do something strange from time to time. And your name always comes up in those discussion.

Jeff knows about this, about this thing they do. He tries to avoid it as much as possible. He’s convinced himself that he would never stoop that low. That he would protect you from those men. Even if it was just your name, he would defend the mention of you.

Though, a man has his needs and the body is something we rarely truly ever control. He’d wake up from Steve’s voice hammering in his head. Just to look down and see the heat in his pants. And to remember the dreams he might have just had of you.

Therefore, when Steve called his name to the testing rooms, his heart leapt a little. The memory of the things you two had done consuming his mind. The hope that at some point he would get to experience it again. To feel you around him, screaming his name. It isn’t sinister in his eyes. You both consented to the drugs.

“Hey Steve?” Jeff calls out after sitting in the room for some time. “Yes Jeff?” Steve answer, glad he didn’t have to listen to whatever Mark was saying. “Is Y/N coming?” He asks, looking from the chair opposite him and back to the glass. Steve’s blood boils at even the mention of you.

It takes everything not to storm in there and strangle him. Why on earth was he even thinking about you? Especially in the way his voice was suggesting. You are his and only his. He’s claim you several times and it took all his willpower not to do it in every room of the compound. To show every single person you are his.

Though, that wold mean that other people would see what is his. They would get to see your round tits jump the way he liked so dearly. They would see the divine core you hold. They would get to see how your body spasm against him as you unleashed yourself against him. And that is a spectical for him only.

"Why do you ask?" Steve is gripping the mic with all his might, the table bending ever so slightly under his other hand. Jeff gives a cheeky smug and shrugs his shoulders. "She's a pretty girl." His words are like daggers stabbing Steve in the eardrums.

His whole plan shifts. He can't beat Jeff until death like he would wish. Steve still has to play charming, his mission relies closely on Jeff and earning his trust. How Steve dearly regrets choosing him now. Yet, deep down Steve knows this would've happened with anyone paired with his Y/N.

"You know how it is? Can't help but want a pretty girl like her." Jeff jokes around more, noticing the drawn out silence between them. However, his words only causes Steve to spiral more. Was Jeff really worth it? He could start over with any one of them.

On the other hand, his Obedix trial would have to start over. That would set him so far back in time. Time he didn't want you spending with men like this. Plus, he'd be able to punish his kind with so much more ease. "Steve, are you okay?" This time it's Mark's voice.

Steve’s head snaps to the side. His slight curl following him close after. "Yeah- slight change of plans. He has I-18 in his mobipack, right?" Steve’s voice is much darker than he would like to come off as. Mark is easy enough to manipulate, yet also gets scared off so quickly. And it is a pain to coarse his back each time.

Mark's adamsappel bobs as he swallows thickly while he nods. "It hasn't been tested yet-" he begins to ramble up excuses. Just as quickly, Steve forces him to shut up. "Then I suppose we should start." His throat is dry and his smile doesn't reach his eyes. In those crystal blue eyes is only anger.

"No, sorry Jeff. The single chair room is being used right now. Drip on for I-16?" He asks, trying to sound like his usual self. Jeff scuffles a bit in his seat before replying with the usual, "Acknowledge." Steve turns to Mark and shows him to turn up the flow.

So he does, the black line twirling up to a 20%. Jeff gasps at the feeling. Then his legs starts bouncing, he wrings his hands together. "Wors Jeff." Steve’s sentence is short and snappy with him. This might just be an anger jab, but even those have scientific evidence in them. Steve flings open his notepad, scribbling away at his findings.

Jeff's voice is shakey and already raw. "I don't feel well Steve. I don't like this." Steve shoots and eye at Mark, silently telling him to add more Verbaluce. "I feel nauseous, my head is spinning, there is a gutted feeling in my body." Jeff's words start flowing. That was until he stood up, rand over to the trash can and started throwing up.

That definitely makes Steve smile. "More." He does not feel like speaking, his fingers are writing just as fast as things are happening. Mark does what he's told and pumps the Darkenfloxx all the way to 45%. Jeff begins pacing, shifting all over the place. Bounces from one wall to the next. Whispering about the utter anxiety he's feeling.

"Mark do me a favour?" Steve smiles at the sight of Jeff suffering. "Call Y/N in and then stay outside." The man next to him's eyebrows furrow. But with no want to get in trouble, he does as he's told. It doesn't take long, after the other day you're always looming close to Steve.

You open the door, knocking as you pop just your head in. "Steve? You called?" Your voice sounds like a butterfly's wings on the wind. And your smile can be compared quite the same. The mentioned man lights up at the sight and he beckons you over.

You look to see the person in his testing chambers. The sight of Jeff forces a slight gasp to escape your lips. He is sweaty, pale and his eyes are darting everywhere. "What did he do?" You ask, not why Steve is doing this. You trust his judgement, he always acts with good reason.

As he comes closer, he takes you by the hips and places you in his lap. "I don't want you anywhere near him ever again." He commands, his voice darker than usual. He is normally so friendly with you. Taking time to be gentle and catering to your every need. Now, he seems more upset and from what you can tell, frustrated.

You cock your head to the side, "Why?" His grip on your hips tighten. Most likely to be bruising the next day. His leg starts bouncing ever so slightly and just jaw muscles clench wildly. "You want to know why?" He sounds very clearly angry that you don't just accept his words.

Steve starts pushing buttons and then the recording of Jeff talking about you pops up. Your heart leaps into your throat and you grab onto Steve’s blazer. You were only ever kind to Jeff, in fact you rarely even spoke with him. Why would he sexualise you so?

Steve grabs your jaw and pulls you to look him in the face. "You see? I only ever care about your well-being. Don't question me next time." He's much more angry with you that you would ever like him to be. You shake a bit, you only want to be good for him.

All you can do is nod. Your voice likely to betray you. To sob and beg for his forgiveness. Of course, he is protecting you. He always is. Its foolish of you to ever even thinking otherwise.

He then forces you to look at the experiments room. Jeff is shaking wildly. Not to mention he seems to be screaming in agony. Begging for someone to stop the pain. Stop the drip. Stop his life. Anything to make that sudden huge wave of anxiety stop.

"See what I do to people who disrespect you?" He grunts in your ear. Holding you so close you can feel your heartbeats colliding. Once again you can only nod. Scared a whimper of guilt might escape your lips. "You're mine. And mine only." He growls, taking your lips into his.

When you come up for air you can't help but agree. "I'm all yours, Steve." Your lips are swollen and puffy. Though that doesn't stop you. Heck, with Jeff's screams of agony, it makes you horny. Your kiss becomes more urgent, more needy.

Your legs wrapping around Steve's waist and your arms gripping onto his hair. "Let me shut him up before I fuck you silly. He might just kill himself before we start." Steve stops you shortly. Giggling at the thought. Even if it is grim, he's your Steve and you can't help but laugh with.

#spiderhead #spiderhead netflix #steve abnesti x reader #steve abnesti #possesive love

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askandsmile · 3 years ago

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i got all y'all's messages and i do think i have more to say, but at the same time i'm just like 🥴️🥴️🥴️

this season isn't great, but this episode was terrible. evan is a terrible writer. he's also a fucked up troll. he likes that he's the b*rchie king, he likes b*rchie, he projects onto them. and truly, the less we try to explain anything about this, the better.

i think i need to wait and watch what comes next (from better writer's hands tbh) until i say anything else regarding canon.

but long post ahead, cause i've been wanting to address something that it's not even coherent, but it's just making me insane lol.

we have 6 episodes ahead of us. 6 weeks. if you guys freak out with every single thing that happens, no one is going to enjoy anything anymore.

i don't have spoilers. all the spoilers i had, from when i was in the clubhouse with evan, i gave to you. the way i read the interviews, i told you. i don't have anything else to add. i never had inside info or anything like that, all my speculations were based on rumors going around *and* the bts we got.

all that i could speculate i already did.

"oh, but what if--"

well. when s4 ended, i said, "if they're gonna make veronica look like archie's second choice, i'm not going to watch s5 live". i carried on watching because they didn't, they made it quite clear that veronica is archie's first choice seven years later.

i'm saying it again, "if they're gonna make varchie go through some b*rchie drama/bullshit again, i'm not going to watch s6 live."

if i do watch it, it'll be the same by the end of it if they get a s7. you have to go episode by episode with this show until the entire journey makes sense.

that's all i can do! that's all i can control. that's all you guys can control: the time and dedication you're willing to give to this show.

(i write a fic that's never-ending and even with roughly 4 readers left, i am pushing through because i want to finish it. this is the time and dedication i'm willing to give to this show, writing this fic to those who still enjoy it and to myself, and to varchie.)

so my suggestion now is, let's watch the episodes. it's 6 weeks. are you going to be anxious for 4-5 out of 6 weeks because of something that maybe, possibly, perhaps will happen? are you going to try to make me and other people anxious because you are? i'm choosing, at this point, to trust my ship and the story they've been telling about them.

i know it's harder for bugheads at the moment (reminder that i, myself, am not one although i did love them back in s1 and do support their relationship in the core four context) because they've been dealing with another love interest, on top of cole and lili's breakup, on top of not getting a lot of content, or bts, etc, etc.

but as a varchie shipper...guys, i've been there!

i have seen reggie tell veronica they could be endgame. i have seen archie dance a duet with josie saying he'd fight for her. i have seen archie writing a song to someone else. i have seen veronica getting married to another guy, and then possibly sleep with him after sort of maybe getting back together with archie. trust me, no one in this fandom knows better what you guys are going through right now.

so yes, maybe jabitha will date, or maybe they won't. maybe bh will get back together this season, maybe they won't. it doesn't mean the end of bughead, not at all. look at all the shit other ships have been through (even b*rchies, really). you guys are fine.

is the show good right now? no, it's not. i thought it wasn't so bad until 5x08 (even with the b*rchie thing) but then it just went downhill, and 5x13 was the worst episode ever. no wonder it had 0.7 ratings. but like, does that mean it will stay so bad? i don't know. i haven't watched 5x14, 5x15, 5x16, etc. i don't know what's coming. it might be great! it might suck.

and you guys don't get it, half the varchie fandom left in s3 because there was no sight of varchie anywhere, and then we were pleasantly surprised with the best build up ever in s3C. but you know what? sometimes i wish varchie hadn't gotten back together then! so we would see more of that buildup, some actual reaction from archie seeing veronica choose reggie instead of him, etc. it would've opened a sea of possibilities for a good story.

and whether you like it or not, this is giving more space for other characters to be around. they're not developing them. they're not writing them well. but you can't deny that we have seen more of toni, reggie, fangs, even kevin and cheryl, than ever since...ever.

and it's okay if you just watch for your ship. but the show, and the writers, are not worried about you shdhshd. i think there has been a misconception about that. the ships exist within the show, and this season feels so weird because the core four is apart and bh is apart, but the show is ultimately about the characters and their good/bad decisions.

so, thinking about the characters, ask yourself: is archie in conditions to be with veronica right now? is betty in conditions to be with jughead right now? jug and archie are in their way to healing, it looks like, but betty still isn't. is veronica in conditions to be committed again atm? i don't know. will this change in a couple of episodes? maybe!

and it's same for other characters. choni are going through the exact same thing bh is, they just don't have the impending doom that is b*rchie hovering above, but i guess no one doubts choni.

but imagine if they get back to choni and just give them a few throw away lines and boom, it's all magically fixed. wouldn't they feel betrayed? don't you enjoy the aspect that bh is taking time for this reunion after they were completely shattered? i know i would've written varchie differently if i could.

anyway. it's useless to think "oh, zalben said this, evan said that, ras said this" when we can't control what they say, or how they think. we can only interpret it (90% of the time i've been right about them but whatever) and we can only watch the show in front of us and absorb something from that.

(which is hard when the episode sucks, but it's what we can do).

all this freaking out is making me stop enjoying the show, and the fandom. it's not giving anyone any joy. you guys have to calm down and i'm not being dismissive of how much a tv show can bring anxiety, but the only thing you can do is trust the process.

bughead has been a solid thing for 4 seasons. it's their first major problem. varchie has been not that solid but very, very present for 4 seasons. b*rchie has been whatever it has been for 4 seasons. jabitha is a new ship, but it's around now... but hasn't even really happened yet. like, all these characters have their stories to tell among them, and if we don't enjoy the road they take, we can only try to detach ourselves.

okay, i guess, that's it. i'm not sure if i make any sense, but i'm so exhausted of people not trusting what's being shown to them and only thinking about zalben, bdaily takes, evan, ras, yadayada, who the rvd writers liked on twitter, like... c'mon.

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mithrilwren · 4 years ago

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I really, really wanted to contribute something to Essek Week, but unfortunately with two essays and a novel chapter due by Monday, I didn’t have the time or mental energy to write anything new. Cue me remembering that I’d actually started working on an Essek-centric shadowgast Pirate!AU last summer, that never saw the light of day! Though I did a whole bunch of research for it, summer ended before I could get farther than the first couple chapters. Still, I’m very fond of the premise, and I’d like to finish it one day. I can’t guarantee I will (life’s too busy to commit myself to another Big Fic Project atm) but in the meantime, here’s a little taste in the form of the first chapter.

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For @essek-week Day 7: AU

Courts of Silk (Chapter 1)

Essek startled from his trance to the crackle of blistering thunder overhead.

Mind bled of all drowsiness in an instant, he unfolded his legs and slid off the berth, drifting to the center of the room and tilting his ear towards the boards above.

A storm… but the skies were meant to be clear for days, and he trusted Avus to know it. Could the weather have turned so–

Boom.

Essek’s eyebrows flew up as the deck visibly lurched below his feet.

Not thunder.

Cannon fire.

More sounds now, hurried ones – an erratic tempo of feet pounding through the corridor outside his little room, the floorboards creaking dully under the weight of the crew scrambling over the deck above. He flinched as a louder noise pierced through the commotion: the rattling of a heavy fist falling against the door of his cabin, hard enough to shake the wooden frame.

“We’ve been boarded!” Zel’ra’s guttural shout startled him out of his confused stupor, and he flew to the door and flung it open. The quartermaster stood outside, her snarling jaw dripping with whitish battle foam, the kind that bugbears of Rosohna so seldom have occasion to sport within city walls. “Come on, magic boy, time for you to earn your– Shit!”

Then she was gone, and Essek was left staring dumbly at the empty corridor, as Zel’ra raced back the way she came. A moment later, there was a yelp, and the grisly crack of metal hitting bone. Then there was no sound at all, save the rocking of the ocean’s pulse against the hull, and the thump of confident, unfamiliar footsteps, coming closer and closer to his open door.

He had only a few moments to make his decision. The fight might still be going on above deck, but if intruders had already made it below, there was little hope of a favorable outcome for the crew of the Barren Bow. He hadn’t thought the Empire would be brazen enough to attack a diplomatic ship in open waters, but there were soldiers of all ilks on the open sea, and no government to hold them to account so far from land. He would not put it past a Dwendalian crew to sight a Dynasty flag on the horizon and decide to take the matter of revenge in their own hands. If so, there was no telling what treatment they might expect at the hands of their attackers. Rage was rarely tamed by abstract rules of engagement, and he doubted anyone would care to ask what the nature of their mission was, once the killing began.

But perhaps…

Quickly, Essek drew aside his sleeve and materialized the leather–bound contents of his wristpocket into his hands. His spellbook lay beside precious components in their embroidered fold, and there, at the bottom of the pile: the folio. He whispered a quiet word and the paper folded apart, revealing its damning – and perhaps, in the right hands, lifesaving – contents.

The letters.

If the tides were so unfavorable that he could not fight, perhaps that might be enough to–

He vanished the whole affair back into the ether as two shadows fell across the door.

From the darkness of the hallway, two figures stepped over the threshold. In front was a young woman: human, with swarthy skin made darker still by the weathering burn of long days at sea. Her hands were tucked beneath bare arms and her hip turned out to an unconcerned jaunt, adorned by a sash of deep blue. Behind her, and looming so tall that she had to hunch to fit through the frame of the door, was a giant of a woman. Taller even than Zel’ra, her bare shoulders glistening with rippling muscles and sweat, pale as moonlight – or as the steely glint of the broadsword at her back. The younger woman swept him over with piercing eyes, her confident grin not quite masking the focused gaze beneath. Though she bore no weapons, Essek could feel the stain of threat in every taut sinew of her body. He held still, waiting to see who would make the first move.

Her eyes finally paused, centered on the floor beneath his feet, and her grin dropped into something more like a startled ‘oh’. Too late, he realized his mistake – that his levitation, as natural and instinctive as standing on his own two feet, had just given him away.

“Mage!” she sputtered, and her hand was gripping his arm and twisting it behind his back before he even realized she’d moved. Essek dropped the levitation spell, hoping to get enough leverage from the sudden height difference to slip out of her grasp, but before he could so much as shuffle to the left, the taller woman was at his right, clutching his other arm with a grip strong enough to break bone.

“Shit,” the first woman spat as she stepped back, allowing the second to take both of his arms into custody. “Who the fuck did we just board?”

Essek kept silent, staring at her, searching for any sign of weakness and finding less than nothing. If he had just had his hands free for a moment longer… but that didn’t matter now. There weren’t many spells without a somatic component at his disposal, and cantrips wouldn’t save his neck, should the giantess move quicker to snap it than he could speak.

Without a means of immediate escape, he looked next for any way to identify his captors. They were human, but their loose, subdued dress – for the younger woman, a vest of blue cotton, the other, a braided grey tunic, and frayed ribbons in both their hair – was nothing like the silver and crimson finery of the Righteous Brand.

If not from the Empire, who were these people? Hired thugs? Mercenaries?

“Are there more of you skulking down here?”

He didn’t ask the woman to clarify, though he wasn’t sure exactly what she was asking. More drow? Yes, but he was not about to reveal the nature of the delegation travelling under his protection to her. More mages? No. As always, he had convinced the Bright Queen that his effort alone would be sufficient. For the first time in a very long time, he wished he’d been a little more conservative in estimating his own skills. Given the current situation, someone else’s power at his back might actually be welcome, rather than distracting.

Her burning gaze made it clear that he had to say something, and soon, but for once, the right words did not come. The truth did not matter: he knew that any unfavorable answer would be taken as a lie.

Still, Essek would not panic. The only way to regain control of the situation was by carefully gathering information, finding something that he could use to shift the balance of power at a more advantageous moment. That was his particular specialty.

“I do not know,” he answered coolly. “For I do not know who is above and below deck at all hours of the day. I can only speak for myself.”

“Beau! Fjor– fuck– Captain Tusktooth wants you on deck!” A new voice, its timbre high and grating, like glass against cold iron, echoed from around the corner. The woman – Beau, he filed away – turned her head and shouted back out the door.

“Just a second, we’ve got one more!” Then, “Tell him to get Caleb over here, we’ve got a goddamn mage to deal with!”

The giantess at his back leaned down, so close that her dreaded locks nestled amidst the silver chains that hung from tip to base of his pointed ear. “You aren’t going to give us any trouble, are you?” she murmured, and despite every ounce of training he’d undergone for exactly this sort of intimidation, he still couldn’t help the way he shivered at her dark tone. There was a deep quality to her voice that sung of violence, for violence’s sake, and though he wasn’t yet truly afraid, he had no wish to provoke her.

“How could I?” Essek gently flexed his arms in her grasp: not enough to challenge, but enough to reassure her of his helplessness.

Her lips curled back, and… yes. There was a little fear gathering there, in the back of his throat. A good kind of fear – the prudent kind. It would keep him alert, and focused, and ready to strike back when the moment was right.

When she started pushing him forward, he followed her lead willingly, and the two of them shadowed Beau into the corridor and up the steps that led back above deck. Essek winced as the bright noonday sun slipped into view, already anticipating the stinging burn that was sure to follow. He’d managed to avoid the deck for most of the voyage, much to the chagrin of the Assarian crew. He was not born into a body made for manning rigging, and certainly not under an unrepentant sky determined to scorch his face and hands and neck and leave him itching and miserable for days without relief. His better use was below deck, planning for the engagement ahead, and his hours of fresh air better taken in the evening, when the gentler light of the moons was merely a prickle beneath his skin, rather than a flame.

Everywhere he looked, he saw mismatched bodies. Though Essek hadn’t met the entire complement of the Barren Bow’s crew, he had to assume most of the scattered orcs, goblins, and bugbears belonged to their side. Most of the ones on their feet were being held in the shallow recess at the centre of the deck, where great cannons might have been lodged on a more modern ship. A handful of unremarkable humans, each equipped with a rapier – or, in one man’s case, a salt-encrusted retort – stood above them, keeping watch. Amidst all that humanity stood a wild–eyed goblin in a blaring yellow dress, hefting a crossbow composed of whirring gears and levers of an intricate make that rivaled Waccoh’s own craftsmanship. She was currently in the process of shouting threats down across the heads of his cowed compatriots. Some were clutching broken arms or wiping blood from contusions and burnt welts. Lying at the center of the group was an unconscious Zel’ra, the goose egg at the back of her skull already angry and red.

Finally, he spied the remainder of the drow contingent clustered by the ship’s rail. Diplomats, all of them, bound for a parley at sea and not trained for conflict beyond what it took to hold a dagger right-way up. He was the only one among them battle-tested, and even then, his means leaned more towards subterfuge than outright combat. Theoretically, the Assarian crew was meant to be their main line of defence in case of attack. Clearly they had not proven up to the task.

Essek would be filing a very unfavorable report with their commanders upon his return, if any of them survived the day.

“Captain!” Beau shouted, and a tall half-orc stepped away from the railing, his wide-brimmed hat only partially disguising the many scars that littered his face.

“Weather’s turning,” he said, casting his eyes towards the – as far as Essek could tell – clear horizon. Those same yellow eyes flickered up, above Essek’s head, and for a moment seemed to narrow before turning back to Beau. “You finished clearing the hold yet?”

“Didn’t make it that far.” Beau jerked her head, and Essek was thrust into the sunlight all at once. The glare was blinding, and apparently not just to him. The giantess’s hands jerked around his arms, like they wanted to fly up and shield her eyes as well. That was all the opportunity he needed.

With one quick motion, he jerked his arms from her grasp and drew his hands together, tracing familiar glyphs out of nothing but muscle memory as his mouth uttered an incantation, and the world exploded around him. The giantess was flung back against the doorframe, wood splintering beneath her weight, and both Beau and the half-orc slammed into the deck and began to hurtle towards the side of the boat. Forcing his eyes to stay focused amidst the chaos and the harsh light, Essek caught the glitter of a cutlass skittering along the boards as he took stock of his position on the newly reborn battlefield.

Nearly all of the boarders were in a concentrated area in front of him, and the rest of the Assarian crew were protected by the lip of the recess in the deck. The terrain could not be more advantageous. Essek allowed himself a small smirk as he raised his hand and prepared a vacuum blast that would level the whole of the upper deck, and deliver them all to safety in one swift stroke.

How arrogant, that this petty group of mercenaries thought they could capture–

“Counterspell.”

The magic sizzled and died in his hand, and Essek whirled, searching for whoever had spoken behind him. Thugs he could handle, but it was always best to deal with a mage first, when they could do such infuriating things as what had just occurred. But once he turned, he found himself facing an empty doorway, and an empty deck above that. No trace of whoever had cast the counterspell.

The giantess was gone as well.

He heard the click before he could parse what cold and heavy thing was tugging on his wrist, but he was horribly aware of what was happening by the time his other wrist was wrenched behind his back and small hands clasped the second iron band shut. A stomach-churning wave of exhaustion passed through him from scalp to toe, and he staggered, only barely holding on to consciousness. Head lolling towards the floor, he saw two soft-soled boots landing lightly on the deck in front of him.

With great effort, he managed to drag his head up from his chest, and found himself staring into blue eyes and dusty freckles, lips pressed into a thin line, all framed by tangles of copper-red hair.

“Good work, Nott,” the man said. His accent was one Essek had only heard once before, though through the mire of exhaustion he could not remember where.

Behind Essek, the half-orc groaned and pushed himself up off the deck. “Next time you have a brilliant plan for subduing the prisoner, maybe let’s try not putting us all in the line of fire, hm?”

The man ignored the sarcasm, still looking all too carefully at Essek.

“Are you finished?” he murmured, and though his body was lithe, his soft voice sung of as much violence as the giantess’s darker growl.

With a sigh, Essek let his shoulders drop. He could still feel the pulses of magic coursing through the iron bands around his wrists. Even if he got his arms free again, the cuffs would not be easily slipped, or broken. These people, whoever they were, came equipped to handle wizards like himself. Was that what they were, then? Assassins in disguise? Privateers? The blunt instrument of some government or another?

Not that it made much difference now. Whoever they were, he was at their mercy.

“Spin him around.”

Essek felt himself being maneuvered away from the man’s incisive gaze. Through bleary eyes he caught the looks of frustrated disbelief from the four drow delegates, lamenting their crushed hope in silent, huddled unity. He was meant to be their protection. Now that Essek was taken, what else could save them? Not one of them was brave enough to attempt it themselves. A shiver of disgust ran through Essek, as heady as the self-recrimination it concealed at having allowed himself to be captured so easily.

The half-orc strode up to Essek, the sword in his hand now replaced, though Essek hadn’t seen the man move to retrieve it. It was a silver cutlass, fine enough to cleave a person clean through and leave one half still propped up on the other. Too rich a prize by far for a simple mercenary – he must have come by it dishonestly, or been given it as boon or bribe. Neither prospect boded well.

The hand that gripped the sword told an equally foreboding story, for only the thumb was composed of green flesh. The rest of the fingers were severed at the third knuckle, and replaced by metal imitations fixed to the wrist by a harness of leather cords. Still, he held the hilt with all the confidence of a trained fighter, and the surety of his grasp left Essek little doubt as to its effectiveness, mechanical augmentation or no.

“My name,” said the half-orc, “is Captain Tusktooth.” A hint of bright teeth flashed from below the wide brim of the hat. “And this ship is mine now. Its cargo, mine too.”

The answer about the identity of his captors, at last, became clear, for what little good it did him.

Pirates.

“By whose authority?” Essek shot a harsh look at the foolish dignitary who had chosen this moment to find their courage, but Tusktooth only grinned harder.

“By my own.” Behind Essek’s back, Nott and Beau slipped back through the splintered doorframe and down into the depths of the ship once more. “Now, my crew is going to finish taking a look through your cargo. I trust that your captain has been honest about the contents of your hold. Are there any other surprises I should be warning my people of? Anybody else looking to make trouble?”

Would that there were. “You will find little of value to take. We travelled light.” He spoke the truth, having no more useful lie at his disposal. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, and another wave of exhaustion teased at the edges of his mind. He fought it with all the strength he had – which was growing less and less by the minute.

“So your captain told me. But that wasn’t my question.” Tusktooth’s voice grew as keen as the blade in his hand as he lifted it and placed the edge to the shallow of Essek’s throat. “Are there others like you aboard?”

He did not flinch. Torment and torture were old friends: his own cherished instruments. He did not fear what this man would do to him, any more than he feared death itself. At least, that is what he told his errant heart, as sweat began to bead at the nape of his neck.

“No.”

Tusktooth stared him down for a minute longer, and Essek held his gaze as best he could with the sun still searing his eyes. But at last, the sword withdrew, and Essek’s breath came a little easier. “Then let’s call this an exercise in… mutual trust.” He smiled once more, and Essek returned the expression with a vague twitch of lips.

The tense exchange was followed by ten excruciating minutes of silence, during which Essek did his best not to fidget in his heavy robes, even when his exposed skin grew so heated he felt liable to burst into flames. As they waited, the redheaded man pulled Tusktooth aside for a private conversation, and Essek sweated, and watched, and tried to formulate a plan.

The pirates would find nothing of value to steal. The Barren Bow had provisions for the voyage, but anything else aboard was the purview of the Assarian crew, who had planned to head back towards the shores of Igrathad as soon as the parley concluded. There were no scheduled stops for trade, and thus, no trade goods in their hold. There weren’t even guns to offer. Essek would never dare to admit it aloud, but the Dynasty lagged sorely behind the rest of Wildemount in outfitting its fleet with the relatively new technology of cannonry, at least of the type that lacked a magical component. Firearms had only entered the sphere of weaponmaking some thirty years prior, and with Xhorhas primarily landlocked, the navy hadn’t been high on the priority list for refurbishment.

His best hope was that some of the crew had hidden stashes of coin in their quarters. Otherwise, there would be nothing for the pirates to take, and without anything to satisfy them, well… he did not want to be in manacles when that news was delivered to a man who’d already put a sword to his throat.

If only to convince himself he was not totally beaten yet, Essek watched Tusktooth and the redhead carefully, seeing what he could glean from body language alone. Their conversation was hushed but tense, and every few moments the redhead would turn his eyes towards the drow delegation, and then to Essek himself. He made sure to drop his own eyes before they could meet again, not wanting to spark another confrontation by appearing insolent. As for the pirate captain… there was confidence, yes, but the unwavering edge of confidence seemed to drop away from his shoulders as he spoke to the other man. His arms moved more wildly; his words were more rapid, and at a higher pitch. Perhaps his earlier confidence was not so unshakeable as it at first appeared.

At last, Beau and the goblin re-emerged from the staircase. “We got shit all,” Beau said, tossing down a half-empty sack by Essek’s feet. He winced as a few bruised tubers rolled out across the warped deck.

“...Shit.” Tusktooth ran a hand over his mouth. “Shit. Nothing?”

“Nott and I checked every inch of that hold, the crew quarters, everything. No money, no timber, no – fuck, I don’t know – fine silks or–”

“No cannons,” Nott added mournfully. “No black powder.”

“We went through all this for nothing?”

“Maybe someone’s holding out on us,” Nott said, brandishing her crossbow. “I could make ‘em talk for you, Captain. Make them squeal–”

“Oh–kay, Nott,” Tusktooth said, “let’s take it down a notch.” But despite his placating tone, his look was thoughtful. Again, he turned to Essek. “You never never did say what you all were doing out here, so far from home. You don’t look like a sailor to me.”

“Yes, friend,” said the redhead, stepping up to Essek from Tusktooth’s other side, alarmingly calm, and placing altogether too much emphasis on the second word to be trusted, “what is it you do here?” Essek took a half-step back, not liking the feeling of being pressed in from all angles, and walked himself straight into the chest of the giantess.

Nowhere to hide. And with his hands bound behind his back, no way to levitate up to a level where he didn’t feel every inch of height his captors had over him. Which, at his firmly average height for a drow, was many.

Focus, Thelyss. Focus.

“Why should I answer your questions,” he sneered, “when you have not done me the same courtesy? Who are you, to board a vessel commissioned lawfully by the Bright Queen herself?” It was a dangerous ploy, but a considered one – a hastily calculated risk. If the pirates could not be convinced there was nothing of value to be found, they might decide to punish the crew for concealing their rightful prize, and when even a beating couldn’t drive his compatriots to forfeit non-existent gold, the pirates might well scuttle the ship and leave them all to drown at sea. He doubted simple brigands would care much for the particulars of a diplomatic mission if there was no treasure involved, so there was little harm in broaching a subject that might be far more dangerous to discuss with more educated captors.

But apparently, some aspect of Essek’s logic had failed him again, because the redhead immediately shot a wide-eyed look at Tusktooth, before looking back to Essek. “The Bright Queen?”

Essek gave a little bow. His head swam as he dipped back up – the handcuffs, no doubt, though it could just as easily be the beginnings of heatstroke – and he had to swallow twice to find the fortitude to speak without slurring. “Essek Thelyss, Shadowhand of the Kryn Dynasty and ambassador of the realm.” The last part was an… embellishment, and if he chanced a glance over at the true ambassadors, he imagined there would be many offended looks. But thankfully, all attention was solely focused on him. “I assure you, you won’t find the prize you’re looking for on a diplomatic vessel, gentleman. Your friends have already given you proof – we carry nothing beyond our own provision. Unless you have a particular taste for the delicacies of Xhorhasian fashion, I’m afraid we have little to offer you.”

Nott snarled, but the redhead put up a hand. “Captain,” he said slowly, looking at Tusktooth. “Might I… make a suggestion?”

“You may.”

“It’s not something I’d usually propose, but times being what they are…” Tusktooth nodded grimly.

“We haven’t got many options left.”

“Precisely. I believe that our friend Mr. Thelyss here has lied to us.” He could laugh for the irony of it all; this was the most truthful Essek had been in years. “There is indeed something very valuable aboard this ship.” His blue eyes pierced through Essek, and it was only his determination to keep the – now violently pitching – contents of his stomach where they belonged, that stopped him from speaking up in his own defense.

“And that is...?”

“Himself.”

#critical role #essek thelyss #shadowgast #essek week #my writing #also since plank king essek is a... thing??? now #the timing seems appropriate lol #this fic is not that but it is still (eventual) pirate!Essek #and who doesn't love that

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lqtraintracks · 4 years ago

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I wish I didn't care about the top/bottom and I know I do in part due to heteronormativity, but a lot of gay relationships irl have a top/bottom dynamic, and I really can't change my tastes, trust me I'm missing out on so many great fics I really wish I could... So I am forever grateful to people who tag it, but I would obviously never request it of anyone. Some of us are just quietly and peacefully trying to find what they love (for me it's the bottom Harry dynamic, in tragic minority lol).

Hey there! I appreciate the honesty here and the lack of entitlement and vitriol. And I used to feel very similarly, not so much in HP fandom, but in earlier ones. And I still have feelings like I’m missing out because it’s hard for me to read Draco or Harry in any other pairing, and some pairings like that are squicks for me, and I see others enjoying them and I feel a tiny twinge of sadness. But the great thing about Drarry in particular is that it is a huge fandom, and whatever your tastes, you can generally find plenty of what you like, and even stuff that tags the stuff you like, even if that content doesn’t always get tagged.

Look, I hear you. I don’t actually care who tops, but I do like topping and bottoming dynamics in fictional relationships here and there. Personally, I think it can be hot when one is more toppy or bottomy than the other. Then again, I really dig it when they switch too. But sometimes I’m just in the mood for [fill in the blank] to top or bottom. Personal preferences are a-ok. What you’re saying here is a-ok. What’s not is when someone says, “My preference is the right way, and you’re wrong, and by the way [name-calling, pairing shaming, personal attacks].” People get very worked up over who tops and bottoms, and even that is okay so long as it’s not turned on someone else and used as a weapon. It’s like the saying goes: My rights end the moment my fist meets your face.

One good thing about your particular taste is that there’s a whole fest devoted to Draco topping! @dracotops-harry I’m looking at you, beautiful. So at least there is a once-a-year feast. And I do think there’s quite a lot of Draco topping out there (and will likely be more now that antis have taken to people’s stories and brought their venom and hate where it doesn’t belong; I do love that this fandom’s reaction to that is to write more of what’s getting hated atm. So more bottom!Harry! Hurray!)

I get what you’re saying about tagging. I believe in a creator’s right to tag or not. And I have certainly stopped reading an author for not tagging something that was very squicky for me rather than ask them to tag for my own personal preferences. We all get to draw that boundary for ourselves. When I tag for topping and bottoming, it’s not because I’m afraid I’m going to get hate; I use it as a come-hither, as an enticement to people like you who might really like that thing. I don’t always tag it. I tend to go with my gut on whether or not the sexual dynamics are important enough to the story to mention it. I’m sorry that that leaves some readers like yourself wondering if the content will be to your taste. And since I tend to include switching at least a little in a lot of fics, that may be a dealbreaker for you and others, and I totally get that. I appreciate very much that you have the capability to distinguish between ‘I’d love it if people tagged more’ and ‘Creators owe me these tags’. Not everyone can do that, so thank you.

Also, I considered not answering this at all, not because you were anything but lovely and honest. But because a) I don’t want to add to the ‘discourse’; it’s been talked to death and not much comes of it honestly, and b) ANY talk about topping and bottoming tends to act like a campsite to a bunch of bears. (This metaphor is really unfair to bears.) Antis can’t seem to help showing up and being hateful. I hope I’m wrong and this post just goes on its merry way, being civil and empathetic and all that. But I’m afraid it won’t. Because you can’t say Draco topping Harry or Harry topping Draco in this fandom (or pick a fandom; it’s not HP specific) without some anti (or a flock of them) showing up to tell people that they’re gross and should die for their preferences, and often getting a treatise on that subject for your trouble, complete with swearing that would strip the paint off a barn. Antis don’t do civil, and they can’t abide anything that doesn’t look just exactly like the inside of their own skulls. So yeah. I’ve thought about not answering this, because it’s easiest to just not talk about it at all, rather than deal with that sort of crap.

But you were very genuine in your Ask, and I wanted to meet that with something genuine as well. We’ll see if our good deeds don’t go unpunished, I guess.

And here’s to more bottom!Harry in the world! I’m all for it.

#cw: topping and bottoming #a nice ask

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curseleads · 2 years ago

Text

Ten Q’S:

1. when are you usually online?

I have a window of a few hours in the morning and afternoon! Then very late at night if I’m not streaming that day - which happens thursday-sunday! I’ll lurk from time to time though, but I try hard not to be on here all the time, even though I work from home. It used to be very easy for me to get into the habit of scrolling and scrolling and refreshing every couple of minutes so now I’ve just, you know, learn to just not have the tabs open

2. what verses are you involved in outside of this page?

I’ve just started! But I think I’ll be doing a whole lot in his future verses, since I expect his story will end completely by the time he hits 16... or maybe even 17? But expect a LOT of verses to come the further we get into the current arc!!

3. what is your biggest RP pet peeve?

the lack of communication. the using, block evading when I have statcounter and can see you there - a lot. I feel like being on here for so long has made me a bit jaded in some ways. I’m a little less trusting haha. There’s a lot of little things to be honest, so little that they aren’t really worth mentioning. OH OH people getting mad that asks or threads aren’t answered right away, or equating muse feelings for ooc feelings, you know? annoyiiiiiiiiiiiing

4. are you drawn to specific types of muses?

I would say so - looking at Qistina and Yuji I would say I’m drawn to very morally grey muses who stick to their beliefs and will do the most to get to where they want to be. Both she and Yuji are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to grey-ness, but it’s definitely something that I notice and like to latch on to.

5. are there recurring themes in your writing that people might not notice?

There’s a lot over on qissy’s blog, but since I don’t have too many threads on this one rn, I’ll just say that I tend to include things from past threads, foreshadowing, the theme of humanization and understanding morality against the greater good - I can’t wait to really dive into him!

6. what are your favorite RP trends?

the dash games/dash commentary. It’s really cute and it brings us all together as pals :> Plus, it can give us some insight into these little muses we’ve come to love so much.

7. what is your process for starting a new story with someone?

Checking in to make sure they’re cool with everything ~ talking about the process of things just to be sure we’re all on the same page in terms of where we want the muses to go! Foreshadowing and all that. Though there have been times, even recently, where people have forgotten what our plot or muse relation was ... which was a bummer! But I’m doing my best over here!

8. how do you feel about duplicates?

You know, I did have a very icky feeling about duplicates due to theft and general nastiness from the other person :/ but I feel like it’s pretty chill atm!! Though, I still don’t like the idea of being compared so... please don’t :)

9. how long have you been involved in roleplaying?

About 12 years! Very much.... a longass time.

10. is there a muse or verse you wish you could write in, but haven’t?

I would probably write Maki if my muse for Yuji wasn’t so big. Maybe in the future when my work doesn’t own me, I can give her a fair shot!

stolen from mysellllllf @deathleads

#🜎 CosCos rambles | OOC

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jt-artsandfics · 3 years ago

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First time making an ask like this and I'm nervous... Could I get a bad batch match up?

I'm about 5ft6, female, bi, old enough to drink but I usually drink on weekends or on special occasions and always something sweet, hair is at bottom shoulder blade length, flat but after being out in the rain it's a curly mess, dirty blood (knowing my family's genetics it'll likely be brown in my mid twenties) grey blue eyes, round/soft facial features, best way I could describe my body is that it fits ancient Greek beauty standards.

I'm a certified huntress on small wild life, I prefer cold over warm weather any day, know my way around a gun like shotguns and rifles to be exact, love meat but also food in general and can make pretty alright food (still learning) I've learned how to sew, I draw and write when I'm listening to music, any music works for me although I'm really into Celtic and french pop, not a big fan of kids in general but if they are raised well I can vibe with that.

I'm a very physically affectionate person (yes covid has be driving my mad these past two years) not great with small talk, minor trust issues, nervous on doing new things, I can be a bit blunt at times when talking to someone, if you are going to ask my something I'm gonna be honest... Sometimes brutally, will call someone out on their bull shit in less than a heartbeat, will throw hands in a verbal debate, love cracking shitty puns, only person you should trust with a map (no I'm very much serious about that because I've yet to meet someone else who can actually navigate) if I got the money I will buy stuff for my loved ones, from my friends they say I'm loyal and caring but over protective at times.

I got 0 idea if this is enough or to much to work with for the match up but hopefully it's not.

Also hope you have a fantastic summer and keep up the good work!

You Celtic is awesome! Mind you I have alot of Irish family and alot go Celtic and Gaelic heritage, hunting is awesome! I wish I was able to do it but not much to hunt here other then wild dogs and occasional feral Pig.

We are still in winter atm but it's almost spring which is gonna kill me because allergies and

MAGPIE SEASON!!

I need to start feeding them again so I don't lose an eye or get swooped.

I match you with.... Crosshair

What's draws him to you is watching you shoot. It's no secret he has a bit of a crush on anyone who knows how to use a rifle.

Will even offer to go on hunts with you becuase it's his way of wanting to spend time with you.

Let's face it your still shorter then him and he uses it to his advantage every chance he gets. Resting his chin on your head, using you as an arm rest.

Of all the bad batch he's the biggest tease, and do not put it past him to play petty games. He likes winning doenst matter what it's at.

As much as he put up the hard ass persona he is actually quite a sweet guy when he wants to be, he just doesn't like showing it to much around his brothers.

He likes your brutal Honeslty and understands not liking small talk. Most of the time his way of showing affection is thought present and physical touch but only after he has been aroudn you for long enough.

Please call him out when he's being an asshole he will listen to you. He will grumble under his breath but he's not as grumpy or short tempted as he used to be.

He will roll his eyes at your jokes but inside he loves them and thinks they are smart and witty jokes and comments.

He's basically a grumpy cat who only lets you touch him. He's touch staved but isn't willing to say anything so he more so just nudges himself agaisnt you until you give him attention.

Learning to pick up the little signs from crosshair took a while but now it was easier to understand what he wanted. When he brushes his hand agaisnt yours, it means he wants you to be close or just in his view so he knows your safe.

A small tilt of his head towards an area means he wants you to follow him. And when he kisses you like no tomorrow it means he is content where he is. With you wrapped in his arms, his eyes focused only on you. It's the late night kisses and small interactions with him that make it all worth it. Curled up agaisnt each other laying in a hammock on a forest planet.

"We need to do this more often, find a random planet and just camp out. You look so at ease tonight" you whisper and press a soft kiss to his lips which make him let out a small huff. "I enjoy being close to you, but I wouldn't complain about doing this more often." He says lightly eyes now looking up towards the sky.

You smile lightly tracing your fingers down the side of his face, the soft star light reflect in his eyes before they block back to you. " What are you thinking about Cross?" You ask him moving to now lay agaisnt his chest with your elbows crossed as you rest agaisnt him.

"Thinking about what happens after the war, if we get our freedom to make our own lives. I'd settle down on a planet like this. A small farm with local fauna and make a big veritable garden" he says wirh a small smile crossing his lips as he explains where everything would be.

The smile on your face never seem to end as you watch him. "Id like that Cross, you would look good as a farmer" you say teasingly only for him to roll his eyes at you and pull you closer. " And you look amazing with a rifle in hand" he states before he presses another kiss to your lips.

"Alright sweet talker, let's get some sleep otherwise your gonna be unbearable tomorrow" you state and poke his nose wirh your finger. "Ruin the moment will you" he grumbles and pulls you into his side.

#bad batch crosshair #crosshair x reader #tbb crosshair #the bad batch crosshair #crosshair #crosshair x you #the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers #the bad batch x reader #tbb x reader #tbb imagines #tbb spoilers #tbb crosshair x reader

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lettersformiah · 2 years ago

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9:12am, 20 june

hi bubba! in english atm. ive had a morning and a half. late to school hehe. had to sign in at the office bc i saw maia with the little attendance slip that relievers have. signed in and rocked up. the reliever is nice, he is chill. nice enough yk? youre at your first placement rn! so shit you had to wake up so early for it. n you have to do it the next two days as well. like eek. but youre amazing so i trust youll be fine. or even better than fine. i believe in you. just shit that i cant text you hehe. but its okay cause i have the letters and music and fifty internals to focus on. did i tell you french was also spoken? im terrible at french pronunciation. what can you do i guess. my kiwi mouth cant get around the fact that french is just gurgling. hopefully ill be fine.

wearing your hoodie at school ^-^ its nice and big and warm. i love it so much. im wearing so many layers bc its so cold. or not even that cold. so windy. and wind makes everything cold. got my stockings on, your hoodie, the big fleece jacket, and socks >:) which i dont think you are meant to wear with stockings, but fuck it, im cold and my shoes are thin. the wind is fucking up my hair too. so dog of mother nature fr.

what else? oh! friday is matariki. or maybe its not? i dont know. friday is the public holiday for matariki, so thats good enough for me. thursday is a half day bc they are doing the celebration at school from 1-5. (however it means p3 on thursday is like a full school assembly) i think im meant to go to the celebration? i think i will from like 3-5 maybe. if you dont miss me too much. but youd probably be asleep knowing you. will see i guess heh. i just know my friends were interested in going. i still have dance though, so maybe i go and then leave at like 4:40? thats when the bus is and itll take me straight to dance. just gotta be sneakily wearing my dance clothes or take a bag. we will see! sounds like a good plan though, if i do say so myself.

i really can keep writing forever hehe! apparently always having something to say translates well into letters too! id be so good with a diary. but i think one entry would be like 40 pages long. so maybe its for the best this is online. saves me some hand cramps.

i love you! and im excited for drama! having our war piece kinda finished is good. but getting the guys to work its kinda very hard when they arent feeling it. but we definitely need to perform soon. the original plan was to have it be done at the end of term 1. its almost been like 3 months since that? thats some shit timing. but tbf im glad we have the time to work on it, i want it to look good. but i dont mind not getting an excellence, but i know leo wants it. which is fair. hoping all goes well and the boys focus up. ill let you know.

it was nice waking up to you this morning :*] wish it could be like that irl and every day yk? i dont think i was very good at conversation, i barely remember it but i remember definitely slurring my words a teeny bit. sleepy maddi things.

ive been writing this letter for like thirty minutes. crazy how the time flies when i just talk. tbf whenever i talk just about my day it takes about 3 hours to get through! and i didnt even get to tell you about yesterday and the full on day i had! and havent even mentioned watching the end of the summer i turned pretty with rem and hos and jazz or playing dnd! gosh theres so much to talk about i could go on forever. im happy you love that about me. im very lucky. youre a great listener which is perfect because im a great talker. love you bubba.

i should go i think. got other posts to make and some english to pretend i did. i love you, hope the placement is going okay and you havent fallen asleep injecting someone yet.

talk soon,

-mads<3

#letters

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vinylhazza · 5 years ago

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Can you write a lil thing about confiding in your best friend (either twin) about your abusive relationship and then he helps you leave and shows you real love. I'm in a abusive relationship atm and I wish I had it :(

LEAVE HIM FOR ME (G.D)

warning: mention of physical abuse, trauma, mention of sexual abuse, angst, fluff

*italics are flashbacks/past conversations*

grayson would have been trying for so long to figure out where the bruises were coming from. he stopped at nothing to try and pry the information out of you until he finally started to back up after you got angry at him one evening for not letting it go.

“just let it the fuck go grayson, i fell. i told you that.” or “yeah straightener is a bitch you know? you’re not a girl you wouldn’t understand gray, i’m okay.”

you knew he was trying to help, but feared that giving them the knowledge would only make it worse. your jackass of a boyfriend was dangerous, you knew it even if he didn’t. he could hurt him, and that was the last thing on earth you would ever want - for grayson to be hurt. you would get teary eyes and a flustered blush when he noticed your frown at the mention of the bastards name. it was like a shock to your system. with grayson...everything was different. you weren’t weak. you weren’t some piece of meat that could be abused and used whenever he pleased. you weren’t a derogatory name that seemed to define you.

he kept you safe. he kept you warm when you shivered. he made sure you ate when he notices you haven’t touched a single piece of food all day, takes e time to cook your favorite meal of all. he would care for you, wait on your every hand and foot when you felt ill, make that special soup his ma taught him when he was younger, he knows how much it helps. he braids your hair to help you calm down, and he’s actually very good at it. something about the tenderness and care he gives you when he’s messing with your hair immediately eases your stress, and you don’t know it, but he has a small smile the entire time.

God that man would love the fuck out of you, just waiting in the shadows for you to see that he was right there, waiting to give you all the love that he could give. Grayson’s love language was physical touching, he loved to have his hair played with, back scratches, hugs that last too long, having your legs propped up over his lap as you watch a netflix special. he often watches you close in those moments, running his own fingers through your hair, deep slow massages, and sometimes....he even leaned in for a kiss on your cheek, your forehead, and when he was especially clingy, your neck. you didn’t think anything of, even tried to ignore the fluttering in your stomach - the butterflies swirling around like a tornadoe. and you especially ignore the clenching in your lower region, trying to convince yourself it’s not him in particular but the lack of affectionate touches you never receive from your boyfriend.

deep down, you know your heart tells you different. but you aren’t a cheater and how could you leave? you know he would come after you, after your family, after grayson, even after ethan if he’s as crazy as you thought he was.

the first time he hit you, was the first night he ever yelled at you as well. it had been sudden, out of nowhere, shocking. he was...not right that day. he was irritable, not really speaking to you all that much...just quite frankly being a dick. your love language is physical touch just like graysons, but...not that kind. you had just wanted to hug him, maybe give him a reassuring squeeze to let him know you were there to help him and be there for him through whatever it was he was struggling with. you know how hard it is to be in your own head and have no one to share your pain with.

but his hand slapping into like a tidal wave prevented that from ever happening.

“what the fuck is wrong with you?! can’t you see i want to be left the fuck alone?! are you fucking dumb?! get out!”

you spent the whole night crying, curled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around you tight, a bag of frozen peas pressed up against your right cheek. in the morning when you woke up with a groan, you stumbled into the bathroom to find a black and blue bruise right along your cheek bone - a hateful looking mark. this...this wasn’t love.

“such a slutty, dumb little bitch. thinking you can wear that out and strut around like a whore? then i’ll treat you like a whore.”

he never apologized and the violence never stopped. the punches became more frequent, and it was getting so hard for you to hide them that you began making excuses: falling, fluke accidents that sometimes made no sense, dropping something, bumping into things. but everytime you made up a lie, it took a piece of you away. a piece of you that you felt would always in some way be connected to him. to his viscous words, actions, and those little moments that kept convincing you to stay.

you stayed for the rare moments he would smile, the times that would remind you of the man you fell for - the one that didn’t exist anymore. you knew you were foolish and anyone with a brain could see right through your stupid lies and excuses, but you simply avoided talking about him. he made you think it’s what you deserved. and after a while you believed it.

you stopped being sexually attracted to him in the very beginning, when the hitting first began...but he...he was a man of selfish desire. take what he wants and be on his way, keep treating you like dirt, keep kicking you while he knew you had no fighting chance. he took advantage of your body, used you like a toy and threw you away. made you think it was a yes even when you screamed no. a hand over your mouth, his tongue down your throat, you didn’t have a choice.

grayson knew it all along. he knew the bastard hit you. he knew the disgusting filth of a man you would go ‘home’ to. he knew it wasn’t your true home. your home was him. your home was grayson. but you had to keep him safe, hence the reason you never admitted to the consistent mental, physical, and sexual abuse. but grayson refused to do nothing, stand by and watch the women he loved suffer all alone, determined to be your knight in shining armor, save you from the villain trying to ruin your beautiful life so full of purpose.

“what am i supposed to do e? he’s hurting her, like really hurting her. the bruise on her neck isn’t a fucking burn it looks like a goddamn hand was choking her to death. what am i supposed to do? tell me what to do.”

Distraught was an understatement when it came to a teary eyed grayson sitting at the foot of his brothers bed. you had left after a movie night, having to lie to your boyfriend and tell him you were at a girlfriends house, you’ve already been beat up for even mentioning graysons name. you would never make that mistake again.

ethan sat straight up against his headboard, pulling at the stubble on his chin, brow furrowed with a concerned, and angry, scowl.

“the asshole thinks he can just get away with hurting her because she sits there and takes it...it’s killing me. God how did she get herself into this mess...i just feel...useless. i’m supposed to protect her e, that’s what you do for the people you love and i fucking fail her over and over again everyone i let her walk out the front door of this house,” grayson grumbled, leaning over the bed with his head in his hands. his shoulders were tensing, something that usually happens when he’s especially stressed or upset about something.

“i’m sure ‘taking it’ isn’t exactly what she’s doing. she’s scared. he’s a big guy gray, a dangerous guy, he can really do damage to her if she tries to fight him back,” ethan mutters, not wanting to make his brother more upset. it didn’t seem to be working, “you know this isn’t her fault and so do i gray. a man like that will stop at nothing to control her every move. it’s an act of dominance, control, he wants to rule every action, every thought, every move she might make. if we do anything, we need to do it fast, and do it in a clever way that won’t get her fucking killed by that psychopath.

“it’s just impossible to sit here and have her flinch when i try to touch her...i would never fucking hurt her. i never have. and i know it’s so hard for her to trust anyone with all of the shit she has to deal with...but God dammit i would move heaven and hell for that girl and i need to save her,” grayson sits up, a noticeable tear streaming down his face. his love was evident in his every word, “i’ll take my time. make her see she deserves better. whatever the fuck she needs to convince her to leave that dumbfuck, i’ll do it. i just need help e, that’s all i’m asking.”

“of course gray, you know i got your back. and i have y/n’s too. we are gonna get her away from that creep and show her what real love is. not that fake disgusting shit he claims it is. doesn’t even know what the fuck it means and he has no business using that word frankly.” ethan’s tone is clipped, sharp, and deep - he would do whatever he could to get away just like grayson would. granted he’s not in love with you, but he doesn’t have love for you, and he would still do anything to protect you, “but be patient with her. a guy like that stops at nothing to tear down a woman until she thinks she deserves what’s coming to her. she accepts the pain because she is trained to live in silence. we need to break that silence and make sure that she knows it’s okay to tell us and we would never put her in danger.”

there is silence for a moment, full of tension, worry, for their friend. graysons worries if he speaks, he might cry. instead he ops for bouncing his knee in a steady rhythm, something you taught him to do when he felt restless. and it helps. but with a deep breath he’s turning back to ethan.

“okay so, how do we do it?” grayson stands, ready to take on whatever it is to get her in his arms safe and sound. even if that means hurting her jackass of a boyfriend. hopefully soon to be ex, he thought.

“well, i think maybe tricking her into a little intervention is the only way to go about it. or maybe one of us can convince her to spill the beans. it might be too much on her if we both start hounding her with questions she’s scared to answer. i’m sure some of them are very personal. we can’t freak her out, she’s already so fragile.” grayson knew he was right. he needs to proceed with caution. maybe if he could convince her he’s who she belongs with...confesses to his desires and wishes maybe she would have the strength to leave. if that’s even what she wanted. if not it would ruin their friendship and she would still be in a bad situation.

“true...if we go to their apartment fists up and ready to fight, it will probably make it worse and fall back on her. she’s doesn’t need any more problems than she already has. i mean hell, she’s even scared to sleep anymore,” grayson ponders. he remembers the nights she would stay over when her boyfriend was away gallivanting with whatever floosy he could find. cheating abusive bastard that he was. then it dawned on him.

“what if, and hear me out, what if we just move her out and have her live with us? i mean the guy doesn’t know where we live and fuck it i’ll get security if i have to. we’ve been needing it for a while anyway. she would be safe, protected, and with her closest friends who wouldn’t let a damn thing happen to her,” grayson tried to explain himself, gauging ethans reaction to see if he had a disapproving face.

to his surprise, he didn’t. in fact, it was like a lightbulb clicked inside of his head. with a clap of his hands he’s standing.

“that’s actually a great idea. i don’t know when he leaves or whatever the dumbfuck does but when he does we can go over there and get all of her stuff out and move her in here. we just have to make sure we know when he leaves, when he comes back, and most importantly if she will even say yes.”

it was three days after when you finally stopped by. the bruises on the left side of your neck and cheekbone fading away. graysons heart broke every time he saw the purplish hue on your face. he would kill him if he could. he would do whatever it took to keep you safe. he just had to do it like a civilized human being. he knew that at least if you’re on his property and your stupid bitch if a boyfriend came by...well let’s just say he wouldn’t be so forgiving.

he pulled you into the backyard with the sun just sinking under the horizon. he wondered how you managed to sneak away without a scratch, but hopefully it would be the last time you had to.

“i need to talk to you about something,” grayson started, pulling at your hand to bring you further into the backyard, standing in the grass just beside the pool. he was nervous, palms sweating already. this was a big moment, and it could change everything for them.

“is it about the last piece of banana bread? cause i ate that like a week ago and if you just now noticed maybe you don’t really love it like you claim you-“ you started, teasing him with a smile. always the jokester. he wondered how you found the strength the smile. but he cut you off before you could finish. his frown had your smile wilting.

“i know he’s hitting you. don’t try and hide it either like you always do. you always try and cover up his abuse and his fucking disgusting behavior. and i understand you’re scared, y/n. but this ends now. i don’t care what i have to do to make you see you deserve better but this...this isn’t it. you have so much to give and deserve someone that would burn the whole fucking world down to keep you safe. so stop pretending and tell me the truth.” there it was. that face he was dreading. the face of absolute terror.

he knew. he fucking knew.

you thought you had been good at hiding it from him, from everyone really. even your mother loved your boyfriend. she often said he was “good for you” that she was happy you found him when you did because “he’s the only one that’s really ever gotten you under control”. you haven’t talked to her in months, to say the least.

grayson recieves a chest rattling silence. something he wasn’t expecting from a girl that was known for word vomit and stuttering all over herself trying to get a thought out fast enough before it slipped away. but you stared at him with wide, misty eyes. you were scared - frozen in his backyard. you couldn’t believe he had come right out and called you on your bullshit. but you knew it was coming, you tried your hardest to hide it, but grayson wasn’t stupid.

with a slow shake of your head, you swallow the tears threatening to escape your eyes. you won’t be weak in front of grayson. you spent so much time being weak because of him, but no, not in front of grayson. he deserved better than someone that couldn’t even escape a white boy she fell for after a run in at the movie theater. he deserves someone that can fight for herself.

“so you know. you and ethan i’m assuming?”

a nod with more silence. he is watching you, not exactly staring, but certainly focused on watching you try and hold yourself together. you know ethan is somewhere close by, watching this go down from his own little hide out. you’re half tempted to yell out to the house and tell him to get the hell out there and face you, but then you know you’d have to confess the truth in front of not one, but two of the most important people in your life.

“...what then? you want me to sit here and cry? you want me to break down and talk to you about all the times i’ve come over here and lied? pretending everything was okay and putting a smile on my face? because believe it or not this is my safe place and i’d rather not think of him. you make me forget. i just wanted to forget and i know that hurts you that i didn’t say anything but i don’t know what i’m supposed to do right now gray...” your voice is thick with emotion, hands coming up to twist at the flowy tank top resting on your torso. it suddently became very chilly in the backyard that felt previously warm in the suns dying moments until morning.

“i’m not letting this go. not like all those times before. i had my suspicions, had those little clues that would pop out when i reached to tuck your hair out of your face, or help you with the laundry you still do even when you don’t have to. you would jump, y/n...from me. and i would never,” he swallows, you can feel all the strength it’s taking him not to show you just how much he wants to cry, “i would never, hurt you. there isn’t a bone in my body that would ever touch you in any way other than love and adoration. i know it’s because of him. he’s - he’s fucking sick, y/n. he’s twisted and made it almost impossible for you to live a normal life. you snuck over here didn’t you? it’s nearly 8.” you know he won’t let it go until you answer, so you give him another small nod, biting at your bottom lip and flinching at the tear that drops down onto your cheek. it would wash away that pathetic layer of concealer you put on, exposing more of the purplish bruise he left there.

“where is he? let me guess - he said he was going to “tanners” right?” his voice remains calm, with just a hint of a grit there to show how truly disgusted he was by the man that abused you time and time again.

another nod and small sniffle.

you felt like a child getting caught by your parents for sneaking out.

you and grayson both knew there was no tanner. there was and never would be. it was just another girl he decided to fuck around with before coming back to control you, make you feel like the disloyal one. make you feel like the monster.

“and what happens when he comes back and you’re not there huh? what happens if he comes back early and wants you to text him a picture of where you are? actually fuck that have you even thought that maybe the psychopath put a tracker on your phone? ...why are you back away? hey hey come here it’s okay i’m not mad at you,” grayson is trailing off into an apology when he notices the distance beginning to grow between your two bodies. he was near yelling at the end of his little speech and you’ve learned enough to know what yelling means. of course he said he wouldn’t hurt you, but that’s exactly what he said in the beginning too. and look where you are now.

before you can back away from his touch any further, he’s tugging you into a hug, cradling the back of your head against his chest. his heart beat was steady, the calm thumping easing your own nerves. he never held you like this. grayson wasn’t him. it was unfair to be afraid of everyone because someone tried to stifle your fire. with your body tucked into his arms, grayson rocks side to side on the bottom of his shoes, eyes closed and chin resting on the top of your head. you liked to be held when you’re upset and overwhelmed and he knew it. it helped ground you.

he’s pulling away too soon, swiping a hand through his hair in frustration. you know it’s hard for grayson to express his emotions sometimes. giving him the same patience he gives you is the least you could do. you stand quietly in front of the tall block of muscle, arms crossed once again - a comfort mechanism you’ve taken up over the past few months - and wait for him to sort his thoughts out and try again.

“i didn’t mean to yell but dammit, y/n. i mean it when i say you can trust me. i know he’s ruined so many things but this - us - isn’t going to be one of them. he doesn’t get the satisfaction of pushing us apart. you -“ a huff “you’re too...special to let go. and it’s his own fault he can’t see it.” from the dead serious look in his hazel eyes, you know he means every word.

you wouldn’t say grayson is entirely closed off, especially when he’s always touching you in secret, tender ways when no one else is looking. he tells you secrets he’s scared to tell anyone else. he’s not a secret. he’s just in some way...scared just like you.

“gray i don’t know what to tell you...it’s not as easy as you’re making it seem. and yeah he has ways of tracking me i’m sure, but i can’t just go without you you idiot. that would kill me. it would fucking break me and i hate that you’re making me admit it.” he frowns at the break in your voice.

“leave him,” graysons voice is soft, but more serious than you’ve ever heard it. so deep rooted with...something you can’t quite catch...that it makes you shiver.

“gray...”

it’s not that simple. you can’t leave a man that has his grip on you too tight. you can’t just leave a man that has made it his goal to make sure it never happens. you can’t just leave because you wish to be with the love of your life...you can’t just...want love when you’re trapped with no hope of escape. especially when that very same person whose love you yearn for is promising it to you, unknowing of the sure consequence.

he doesn’t give you a chance to turn him down, say anything more that will certainly be a way to weasel yourself out of this. he knows you’re in denial, denial of what there is blossoming between you, the bod consuming desire to always be touching whenever you are together - whether it be a pinky hooked around another, an arm over your shoulder, an arm around his waist, fingers massaging at your scalp. whatever it was, it was real.

“might i make a suggestion gray?” ethan frowns, biting at the skin of his bottom lip, now raw with his anxious assault.

“whatever it is make it good because i’m not changing my mind,” grayson grunted, slicing his bananas at a quicker pace. he’d have to build up strength for this conversation, lord knows it’s going to tire him out. you’re a tough one to crack. another reason that he fucking loved you so much.

“tell her how you feel before it’s too late. i’m sure you’ll be pleased with the outcome.”

how could he be so sure?

fire twists in your tummy as grayson inches towards you, eyes narrowed right at your own misty orbs. with irises blown out and black, he tucks that cussed piece of hair behind your ear. with his fingers feathering across the skin of your cheekbone, another tear drops to your cheek. it streaks a hot river across the skin, chipping away that milky concealer, a mask to hide the evil. the way he gazed at you like you were and always would be the most beautiful treasure, only made you confirm to yourself that it was torture to love someone you were scared to have.

“i know you feel this...don’t fight it...just let me show you how good this can feel...how it’s supposed to feel” his voice had switched from one of raw emotion to one of earnest and...need.

within an instant he is grabbing your face and pulling you close by the back of your neck, a hand digging deeply into your mane of hair. he made a fist to secure you to him, afraid if he let go you might disappear. another hand was pressed against your cheek - being careful to not apply direct pressure to your bruise, instead rubbing it tenderly with his thumb. his touch not only eased the pain, but the memories that matched themselves to it. soft plump lips landed on yours perfectly with a hum resonating in his chest. it was a pathetic, needy sound - one that made you aware that he really meant it. he’s been waiting for this. to have your lips smashed up against his. it was like an itch he’s been waiting to scratch, now relieved. he takes his time to let himself feel his way through the kiss - initially feeling your shocked lips at a stand still.

he almost backs away in defeat, but then... you’re sighing, a satisfied, eager sigh tossed between the two of you. biting at his bottom lip felt like a burst of unashamed power coursing through your veins. your tiny nimble fingers are tugging at his white cotton t-shirt and pulling him even closer if possible, goose flesh tracking from your shoulders down to your fingertips. youve kissed let that be known, a guy here or there, but none of those kisses had ever felt like this. before registering how much trouble you would get in if he ever found out what you were doing and how good it felt doing it, you are tilting your head to the side and moving your lips against his greedily. humming into his mouth and pushing your front against his flat. fuck his kiss felt so good. his lips were patient and languid, lapping like smooth waves of the ocean. persistent.

his hands made sure to move your face just the right way, get just the right angle, sure he could feel you turning weak at the knees already. not anything like any other kiss you’ve been given. it’s patient, tender, purposeful - that purpose being to convey just how much you mean to him and always will mean. the way he’s kissing you is a desperate move to tell you how he feels without having to say it just yet. this is everything you’ve ever wanted but never knew you could have, or feel, or want.

his tongue is slipping into your mouth when you gasp in shock at the electric fire burning through your senses and into every nerve in your body. your hands feel tiny on his massive biceps, but he loves the feeling of your thumbs rubbing at his skin while he kisses you so deep. your tongues danced together, the kiss stealing your breath away. it was fierce and passionate, everything you thought kissing him would be like. you had daydreamed about this moment forever, and you couldn’t believe it was finally happening. especially not like this. not when you’re a damsel in distress, waving your pathetic hand at the top of the tower in hopes your knight in shining armor would come and save you. the day had finally come.

he’s pulling away slowly, begrudgingly, panting from working his mouth so hard against yours. wanting to take it farther than a kiss, but understanding enough to know it would take a lot more time to be at that poin - no matter how bad you both wanted it. your trauma lurked beneath the surface, a fight for another day. he poured everything into that kiss. the rosy red color of his skin being a testament to that. he hoped you knew just how much it meant to him. from the way you stared at his mouth in a trance, he knew it meant just as much to you. the look of wanting in your eyes made him shiver.

“you want me?”

the best you give him is a puffed out “yes” between your lips, staring at his own longingly. it was a pathetic sound, a cringe fighting to shrink in your shoulders and hide yourself from him, but you accepted it as it came. you wanted more. you thought for a split second that you couldn’t imagine never feeling that again. electric. strong. like fireworks igniting in your body over and over. your eyes travel slowly from his mouth to his soft wishful eyes, feeling the sudden urge to cry again.

“leave him for me,” his whisper is pained, vulnerable and aching for you to want him back. need him back. love him back.

“but i can’t have you, you know i can’t. he won’t allow me to leave him.” God it killed you to even say it. You wanted to throw caution to the wind, and in a way you had, but to throw it all out would mean putting him in the line of fire - and you didn’t know if you could bare seeing him burnt.

“yes you can, you can have me. every hour of everyday. you can fucking have me. you have always had me, y/n. i think you know that. i can’t lie anymore. not when it means this much to me. he won’t keep you a prisoner. i refuse for it to happen. i know you want this as much as i do. i feel it. i’ve always felt it. if you don’t leave for you, then leave for me. just...you have to let me protect you.”

the way he says it, just holding you in place, forehead resting against yours in an attempt to stop the tears bubbling behind his eyes. it killed him to see you caged like an animal when you wanted so badly to be free. he would do whatever the fuck he needed to do and he swore his life on it. whether you believed it or not.

“but how? he’s a psycho grayson the man beat me for getting gas without telling him. i was gone for 5 minutes.“

“i know sh, i know it sounds crazy and reckless,”

“really reckless,” you tutted, popping your lips out in a dissatisfied pout. it was cute but he needed to focus.

“- just hear me out. me and ethan have a plan that involves no contact, and if he does show up i don’t think you are underestimating the lengths we will go to, to make sure he doesn’t lay a finger on this beautiful body of yours. he doesn’t get to have you anymore, he abused that privilege, literally. he didn’t appreciate and cherish what he had so now it’s over. you won’t ever have to see him again. but it’s gonna take a little cooperation and for you to be that sneaky little detective i know that you are.” he waits for your reaction, confused that your eyes are still closed, your thumbs still rubbing at his forearms. it was peaceful. for the first time, you felt protected. and really understood. important. valued. loved. whole fuck you felt loved.

“i don’t know how much help i can be,” you choked, voice a lot weaker than you wanted it to sound. truth is, it was taking every bone in your body not to kiss him again, get that fire ignited again. but you had to focus. one battle at a time. beat the dragon, then you get the prince.

“how about this, you and i, we go back in the house, i’ll sit you down on the counter - yeah that’s right the counter - because i don’t give a fuck if ethan thinks it’s unsanitary. i’m gonna cook you you’re favorite meal, kiss those beautiful lips for as long as i want,” he pauses to dip his head down, pecking your lips slowly as an example, a butterfly flew through your core, wings licking at the buzzing nerves, “and explain every tiny detail until you understand just how serious we are about getting you away from that sick creep. i may be persistent but my brother is a determined mother fucker too and he cares about you, y/n. as much as he loves to tease you and throw his little tantrums when you eat the last piece of pizza - he cares so much. and he wants you to be safe. to be with us. be with me...if that’s what you want.”

“as in like...live with you? are you sure that’s a good idea? i mean i kind of have a crazy guy on my back you sure you guys want that baggage?” you’re tone is lighthearted and witty, but he knows that’s just you trying to hide how nervous you were.

“you know, when you love someone, their baggage becomes your baggage. you have that weight together and find the strength to carry it along the way. at least that’s what i’ve found out.”

when you love someone

when he loves someone

when grayson loves...

he loves you

“you love me?” the gleam in your eye is too obvious to miss, the excitement of a child, the joy of a rich man, the satisfaction of a sinner, the bliss of a saint.

“maybe a little,” he grins, lips dropping onto random areas of your face, making their way slowly down, down, down to your blush pink lips. the feeling of them puckering had him pulling you closer again.

“is it too much to ask that you say it again? just for good measure.” your request has him chuckling in your ear, hair tickling you when he bobs his head in a nod.

“i love you,” he sighs, finger hooked under your jaw to tilt your head to the side, sealing his lips down onto yours again. breathing in the sweet scent of your perfume. it drowned his every sense.

it felt so fucking good to say that.

it sounded like your favorite melody. and somehow, as cheesy as it sounded, it gave you strength. gave you that extra power you needed to know that this life did have a purpose beyond pain and misery. it had people like grayson. people like ethan. people that cared about you. people that protected you. people that were ready to do anything they had to do just to make sure you knew how loved you really were.

“i love you too.” it slipped out without you knowing. your hand itched to slap over your mouth, cover up the ultimate betrayal against the monster somewhere off in LA cheating on you again, planning his next attack against you. but no, you wouldn’t feel guilty about loving him. not when it’s the strongest emotion you’ve ever felt. not when it was the truth. and not when he’s cradling you in his arms promising a future beyond the pain and sadness you’ve been stuck in for so long. so for good measure, and just because it felt like a breath of fresh air, you say it again, “i love you.”

“oh fuck,” he breathes through a disbelieving grin, picking you up by the back of your thighs and spinning you around in circles. your legs hooked around his waist tightly, squealing laughter echoing throughout the backyard. this is the freest you’ve felt in so so long. he slows down to a sway once again, turning your head to kiss you slowly, pushing his tongue between your lips to dance with yours again.

“slow down, slow down, we still have something to do yeknow,” you breathe, a lazy smile aimed at his own delighted eyes. he looked so free and it shocked out for some reason that you were the cause of that look.

“no no you’re right i’m sorry, i’m just happy. feels good when you know the girl you love is safe for once. but i guess we do have to go talk to ethan about the insufferable douchebag you chose to date for whatever ungodly reason. must have had a magical dick or something cause the man is lacking in all other categories,” grayson mocks, setting you back into the flats on your feet and imtertwining your fingers together, leading you back toward the house where you presume ethan is waiting somewhere close by.

“actually no, he never really uh...finished the job in that department. was kind of selfish. but i managed,” you tut, rubbing your thumb over the skin on his hand, loving the feeling of him against you in any way you could get. you knew you were so touch starved, but didn’t care if it felt this good.

he stopped at the sliding glass door, face dully lit by the yellow of the light from the kitchen, pointing a defined eyebrow at you in a displeased scowl, the fucker didn’t even make you cum? with a shake of his head he’s sliding the glass door open, ready to talk to his brother and start the plan for your escape. hes ready to see you thrive again. he knows neither he, nor ethan will rest until you have shaken every form of contact with the spineless monster you’re controlled by daily. this plan will be his religion until it is completed. he turns his head to look at you, a smirk on his delicious soft lips, licking at them quickly.

“we will be changing that, make no mistake.”

374 notes · View notes

nobito203 · 3 years ago

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I posted 21 times in 2021

17 posts created (81%)

4 posts reblogged (19%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.2 posts.

I added 11 tags in 2021

#birthday - 2 posts

#love - 1 posts

#relationships - 1 posts

#dating - 1 posts

#millennials - 1 posts

#tinder - 1 posts

#trust - 1 posts

#newyear - 1 posts

#ciao - 1 posts

#travelling - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 13 characters

#relationships

My Top Posts in 2021

4 years later

I’m about to celebrate Tet holiday for the first time after 4 years study abroad. It’s exciting yet it isn’t.

Many people have asked: “How do you feel after 4 years?” I think lots of my friends received the same question.

2016, I promised myself to not celebrating Tet holiday the next year at home, sounded weird but that was my dream at the point. I wanted to pursue a higher education in America. And I did... I spent the last 4 “Tet” holidays away from home. I have no regrets of my decision.

This year, 2020, a crazy year is about to pass. I have a chance to be with my family during this time. I’m excited to be back home after 4 years. Tet holiday is the most important national celebration of the year for all of us. Being home means being people I love. I can tell they missed me a lot while I was abroad.

But, being home also means there are lots of family obligation to obey. It’s tough. I think that’s the price of collectivism, especially my family is very close-knit. One member expects a lot from other members to play their roles properly. Very tiring. Hence, people don’t get to rest like they are supposed to. After 4 years studying in America, come back home for Tet, for me, is like I lost my freedom to do whatever I like. It sounds greedy af but it’s true. People keep ordering me to finish the tasks I must do without a minute of thinking. Just finish it.

Tet is a national deadline for everyone. It comes every year. People get into a rush when Tet comes around. They were waiting for it the whole year but when it comes, they seem not ready for it. That’s sad!

If you are reading this, I really hope you have a good time for yourself to take a break from whatever you’re doing. Have a fun time for yourself and take off all the burdens you’re having. Just like me, spending my leisure time to write this note. I feel grateful for this moment but I don’t want it to last long.

I wish you and your family have a safe, healthy and prosperous year 🥰🥰. Have a quality time with your family because this time is limited.

Happy Lunisolar New Year 2021!

Thank you for reading this sad-yet-hopeful note of me.

To end this, I want to tell you let’s live for this moment, own it and make it worth living.

10/2/2021

- No Name

1 notes • Posted 2021-02-10 10:41:25 GMT

True 💯💯

1 notes • Posted 2021-03-19 10:01:52 GMT

I’ve been wanting to write something lately but nothing came out. I guess that’s normal for writers 🤔🤔 I just found this photo in RAW condition from my portable flash drive. It flashed me right back lol I took this on a day I was wandering around by myself in the wood near my school. It was nice to find “art” spontaneously like that. I remember vividly a question came to me atm I snapped this pic: “How do we make an impression when nobody is paying attention??” Because this daisy caught my attention and I don’t know why. Wandering around alone is one of the most enjoyable things I do to myself. It definitely helps me to reflect on life. On the daily basis, I think reflecting is indeed really important to all of us. We’re living in a fast-paced living world when attention span is cutting short. Hence, making an impression is harder than ever. It’s just hard to make an impression without knowing who am I. Therefore, I love reflecting on myself, especially as a lackadaisical person. After all, how can you run from what’s inside you??

- No Name

1 notes • Posted 2021-04-05 08:04:26 GMT

Never forget that being connected to your own self is the most important thing before anything else. Knowing who you are and staying true to yourself is the ultimate form of self-care

- No Name

1 notes • Posted 2021-02-07 16:49:50 GMT

Class in America

I'm taking a psychology of culture and identity and the class touches on so many political aspects of the USA that are stems of how this nation functions as a society, and why racism, sexism, and gender differences are such a big deal in this country. I want to show 10 realities of class differences in the States to demonstrate a big picture of this country. These realities are taken from the text book of my class which is "Reading for diversity and social justice"

Reality 1: The contrast between rich and poor is sharp, and with 1/3 of the American population living at one extreme or the other. It is difficult to argue that we live in a classless society.

Reality 2: The middle class in the US holds a very small share of the nation's wealth and that share has declined steadily.

Reality 3: Middle- and lower-income earners - what many in other parts of the world would refer to as the working class - share a minuscule portion of the nation's wealth. For the most part, the real class divide in the United States is between the very wealthy and everyone else - and it is a divide that is staggering.

Reality 4: Even ignoring the extreme poles of the economic spectrum, we find enormous class differences in the lifestyle among the haves, the have-nots, and the have-littles.

Reality 5: From cradle to grave, class position has a significant impact on our well-being. Class accurately predicts chances for survival. educational achievement, and economic success.

Reality 6: All Americans do not have an equal opportunity to succeed, and class mobility in the USA is lower than that of the rest of the industrialized world. Inheritance laws provide build-in privileges to the offspring of the wealthy and add to the likelihood of their economic success while handicapping the chances of everyone else.

Reality 7: Inequality in the United States is persistent in good times and bad. While most Americans rely on their wages or salaries to make ends meet, the rich derive most of their wealth from such income-producing assets as stocks, bonds, business equity, and non-home real estate. This type of wealth is even more highly concentrated than wealth in general. Over 89 percent of all stocks in the U.S., for example, are owned by the wealthiest 10 percent of Americans. …. Putting aside illegal manipulation of the financial system, the drive to maximize corporate profit has led to job destruction (as companies seek cheaper labor in other parts of the world and transfer investments off shore); deregulation (e,g., so environmental protections don't inhibit corporate profit); and changes in tax policy that favour corporations (through loopholes) and those who rely on corporate profit for their wealth (by taxing their capital gains at lower rates).

Reality 8: The privileges that accrue to the wealthy are tied to the worlds of capital and finance~-worlds whose good fortune are often the misfortune of the rest of the population. ... It is not just that economic resources are concentrated in the hands of a few; so too are political resources. And it is the connection between wealth and political power that allows economic inequality to persist and grow. Moreover, as the costs of political influence rise, so does the influence of the "monied" class. Running for public office has always been an expensive proposition, but it's become increasingly so: It now costs, on average, $1.4 million In campaign funds to win a seat in the House of Representatives and $7 million to Win a seat In the U.S. Senate. Most politicians rely on wealthy donors to finance their campaign. Alternatively, wealthy individuals who want to make public policy often underwrite their own campaigns. he average wealth of U.S. senators, for example, is $12.6 million.

Reality 9: Wealth and power are closely linked. The economic elite have a grossly disproportionate amount of political power - more than enough power to ensure that the system that provides them such extraordinary privileges perpetuates itself.

Reality 10: Racism and sexism significantly compound the effects of class in society.

I still need more time to process these realities. This is really eye-opening for me. I love this country and love being here. It has been giving me a lot of opportunities for my learning self. This country is nurturing my self-awareness and teaching me that how are we as individuals who have so much freedom to make the world a better place. Yet, it also teaches me that freedom can cause whole lots of controversy related to human races. And somehow, philosophically and astrologically, our lives seem like they are scripted since we're zygotes. We have no control whatsoever. 🤔🤔

Pitts, PA

Oct 23rd, 2021

- No Name

1 notes • Posted 2021-10-24 00:39:36 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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pocmuzings · 5 years ago

Text

A GUIDE BARELY ANYBODY ASKED FOR: writing smut foreplay 101.

NOTE: every body is different. every person likes different things, and reacts different ways. i’m writing from my various personal experiences as a Self Assigned Hoe, also the self titled Smut Queen of the rpc. NONE OF THIS IS DEFINITIVE. if you’re unsure- ask your writing partner first. always.

pls be warned this is quite nsfw and straight up Filth. it also is written from my perspective as a cis-gender, pansexual woman.

IMPORTANT OOC STUFF:

always, always keep communication to your rp partner open. consent is sexy. especially with writing.

gauge the mood. if you suggest something to your writing partner and they just say ‘yeah’ or ‘ok’... don’t take it as 100% go ahead. sometimes people, especially in the rpc, will say yes just because they don’t know how to say no. an ENTHUSIASTIC YES is really really good and necessary!!!

vice versa, make sure you tell your partner if you’re not comfortable with something. if you said yes to begin with to writing a scene, but slowly u start feeling uncomfortable and weird... guess what? U CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND!!! I GUARANTEE U NOBODY WILL BE MAD! IF THEY ARE- DUMP THEM AS A WRITING PARTNER! change your mind whenever u want, about whatever u want. writing is meant for u. its meant for u to be comfortable. ur lil safe kinky space, if u so wish it to be!

talk to ur partner. be their pal. be their fwend. writing smut can escalate v quickly, and if ur not an active talker to ur writing partner, then sometimes things can get misconstrued, or uncomfortable. even if it’s just a check in like ‘HEY HOW WAS UR DAY’ or ‘is what im writing ok????? i love when ur character does ___’ or idk. just be comfortable and friendly!!!

u don’t have to write paragraphs and paragraphs of smut. just.. give a lil detail though. give a lil smth to ur writing partner. like any other reply, just writing one sentence is not really enough for another writer to reply to.

GENERAL SEX TIPS THAT I’VE PICKED UP THAT HELP ME WITH WRITING:

anal is super popular and super wanted atm. i’m not going to say it’s a ‘trend’, bc it’s not really. but it’s definitely becoming more and more mainstream. this DOESN’T MEAN u have to do it / write it, but just know that most ppl atm are on the butt train (yahoo!). so.. yeah, expect anal to be a ~written abt thing or Wanted thing

other ‘popular’ kinks i’ve noticed atm (through fb groups im part of and just friends in general) are choking, and spanking. but this is NOT everybody’s kink. just bc it’s ‘popular’ doesn’t mean its right for ur character. kinky, rough sex is becoming more mainstream i’ve noticed.

a handjob is like.... not ever super wanted. it’s a handjob. it’s not the greatest thing in the world. as far as sexy things go, this is basic tier. a handjob is better than nothing, but i don’t rlly know anybody who actively wants a handjob.

same with fingering- look, fingering is fine, and it can get things in motion, but it’s really hard to orgasm from fingering. i’d say borderline impossible, but this is just from me (and, again, the gals in my lives) experience. fingering is GOOD as a beginning saucy movement, just like a handjob is good to begin with.. but climaxing from it is not Super Likely.

cum is messy and gets everywhere. everywhere.

pre-cum is a thing. discharge is a thing. women getting wet is a thing. it’lll happen. it’s messy. it’s a lot sometimes, and it’s really.. slick (idk how else to explain it, but it helps with the MOVEMENT of things greatly). it’s good to write abt bc guess what? it means somebody is turned on! this is GOOD

look a ‘tight vagina’ or whatever u wanna call it, is not a Good Thing, bc it means a person isn’t turned on enough / wet enough

when writing basically anything about genitalia... use spit. oh my god use so much spit. be disgusting with how much spit is there, bc u need that as LUBE (unless ur writing ur characters using lube!!!)

write vocal characters. in my experience, nobody is ever 100% quiet during sexy times. if ur character is being touched in a way they like, trust me- they’ll be moaning. they’ll be rocking their hips. they’ll be whispering more, more, more, yeah, like that etc.

if writing rough sex, have a safe word for the characters ic. practice safe sex even with writing! safe words are rlly good bc they also actually help create a safe ooc environment too!! that way, if somebody doesnt want to say smth ooc, they can say it ic, and hopefully feel more comfortable

write realistic sex. pls. write about the awkward noises. or the accidental wrong movement. or the laughing. sex isn’t always magnificent and beautiful. it’s clumsy and silly. and it’s fun to write it that way, bc.. look, smut is meant to be fun! so make it fun! write it as fun and silly and goofy as u want!!!!

yes cis-men have the prostate and its located in the butthole fdnjkfjkndf. but u can’t write ur character just shoving a finger in a butt. characters, just like people ooc, need to maintain communication before trying anything ‘new’ like that. safe sex everyone!!!

don’t go straight to what’s between the legs. neck kisses. nipples. breasts, back scratch, dirty talk... this is all VERY IMPORTANT to foreplay. don’t ever use write ur characters diving on in, especially not to female muses bc female bodies work v differently. we need waRMING UP! we need a lil teasing.

write hand movement! write where your characters hands are. are they carded through hair? are they gripping sheets? are they clawing at someone’s back? digging into scalps? hands are ALWAYS doing something.

writing about shaving / hair down there is not super necessary, but u do u.

involuntary noises / movements happen a lot when smth is GOOD during foreplay. gasps. moans. cries. hips jolting. mouth falling open.

foreplay is so SO important before sex. in real life, and in smut. if i write with someone and they go STRAIGHT to writing sex, no foreplay, im like ... hewwo ?? this just isn’t realistic, and my coochie clenches.

when writing... make ur characters ask the dumb qs u’d probably ask real life. ‘should i get a condom?’ ‘are you on anything?’ ‘did that hurt?’ ‘can i cum in you?’ ffjnkf u get what i mean? i hope.

cis men do cum pretty quickly, especially compared to women.

showers are fine for sexy times, but WATER is NOT lubricant.

READ FAN FICTION. there’s some really really good fan fiction out there, and it actually does help with ur own writing

if a character likes something and says ‘yeah’ or ‘like that’... that doesn’t mean necessarily to write another character ‘speeding up’ or getting rougher. if somebody likes something ‘like that’, then keep it ‘like that’, or pick up the pace a little as encouragement.

WRITING HAND JOBS / FINGERING:

finger movement on the outside of a vagina is just as important as finger movement on the inside. sometimes it can be more important, bc some people are more sensitive on the outside. (i’m not using technical terms bc nothing abt this post is technical or medical lmao)

if u don’t use lube or spit on ur hand when giving a penis a handjob.. it’ll probably hurt the person a little and be rough and not very Easy on either party

a handjob can be pretty fuckin awkward (i’ve been told + found personally). it’s just two people lying / sitting there, with one hand uncomfortably angled to jack off another person. it’s probably the most silent of all foreplay things which is why every person i know (female, male, cis, non cis) hate handjobs.

ur hand and fingers might cramp a little if ur fingering a female, and the movements might get a little clumsy, but thats OKAY TOO!!!

the angle of ur hand when fingering is important. if ur just shoving it down some pants/ trousers, it doesn’t leave a lot of movement so it won’t be super Great. under a skirt, or better yet- naked, makes things a LOT easier bc u have more Room.

write about the fingers. write about them moving up and down. don’t just rub them over the clit, or have them inside a vagina. that’s not exactly how it works. we need some pressure. we need a little rub. mainly near the clitoris or on the actual clitoris itself

don’t ever start by writing fast movements. u gotta write about building a motion and speed. start slow, then speed it up.

fingering: circular motions over near the clit slowly, then a liiiiittle faster. stroking motions up and down. moving up towards the clit properly, then back down and slowly inserting a finger. then pull the finger out. repeat. keep each movement slow and deliberate and teasing. fdjkndfbnjkdfjnk graphic, i know. but. i mean. that’s a good first foreplay move i’ve found ???

handjob: thumb over the tip first as a lil tease, then slowly roll your hand in a fist motion all the way down the length (keep ur arm in a ‘straight’ movement.) then back up. twist ur hand, especially near the tip. move a little faster if ur lubed up enough, and then u can even give a lil ball squeeze if ur feeling courageous. keep that movement going. the FASTER ur hand moves, the more close somebody will get to orgasm, bc for them it’s sometimes all abt friction.

starting with fingering / a hand job is like the first step of a dance usually. start with hands and fingers, THEN rock on baby, to --

WRITING ORAL SEX:

as previously mentioned, use a LOT of spit or lube. slick that bitch up.

cis-women are never wet constantly. ever. in fact, u can get dry pretty quickly again, so it’s not uncommon to write abt somebody spitting ‘down there’, just like u’d spit on a penis when giving a blowjob.

most cis-men like their balls being played with a lil. so.. dfjnknj write about balls. i know it can be awkward and weird and the word ‘BALLS’ is not sexy. just try mention some movement there. some playing, or squeezing, or whatever word u feel comfortable using. especially during blowjobs. it’s just a good thing to do if u don’t know what to do with ur hands. don’t go crazy and just grab balls really roughly.

if ur writing about a blowjob on a penis, deepthroating is never gonna happen straight off the bat. u gotta warm up ur throat a little, get ur throat to relax inch by inch, and not gag a lot. i promise u can’t just shove a whole dick down ur throat, unless u have the gag reflex of a porn star.

BUT also. write gagging. gagging happens a lot with blowjobs. i’ve never blown a guy who hasn’t loved the sound of gagging / choking a little

jaws ache from oral. it’s a lot of the same movements and exertion, and YEAH IT CAN HURT UR JAW

tongues are ur best friend. a tongue should definitely be mentioned when writing oral on ANYONE.

write about hands AND mouth when writing oral. (use fingers and tongue when writing about going down on a female, and use hand in a fist movement around penis, when writing a blowjob, bc gripping with ur hand what ur mouth can’t reach yet is a+)

when writing a blowjob, focus on balls, yes- but also mention the tip. it’s sensitive for most guys, so a lil swirl of the tongue, or a suck or whatever... that’s good usually!!!

when writing going down on a female- move the tongue a lot. over the clit. then back down. use ur whole damn mouth and get messy. some ppl have a sensitive clit and direct movement onto it can be a lil overwhelming / overstimulating / painful, so yes- clit is good, but it can also be a little too much for some ppl!

write about lips. when going down on someone, lips also create sensations. it’s not the same as TONGUE, obviously, but it’s still soft and warm and it’s definitely something u feel.

if ur writing about eating a girl out: tongues can be soft and flat, or they can a little pointy when u tense them. alternating between these 2 movements can be rlly good and pleasurable. starting soft and flat near the clit is good, before moving down to stick ur tongue in a little, and move it / wiggle it. but trust me - most of the action should be SOFT especially near the clit, bc it’s sensitive.

if you’re writing about a blowjob: suction. and moving quickly. hollow out those cheeks, and write about the tongue moving as the mouth does. suck hard, but not like.... ur character isn’t a vaccuum cleaner. they should suck ‘eagerly’ or whatever, and use their hand and tongue to help them out. trust me ur jaw will lock / hurt, u cannot suck a dick for like an hour.

if u deepthroat a penis enough, ur voice can get pretty fucked up sounding, but i’ve never had it last longer than the next day or so. it just sounds like u’ve got a cold / sore throat (and thats bc u do)

some people just don’t like oral. some people aren’t comfortable in their bodies and can’t get out of their minds when it comes to it- which is super understandable. it’s a very intimate, close thing, bc hello -somebody is staring at ur genitalia basically. so hey, if u don’t wanna write it / don’t like it, then that’s completely chill too!

you don’t have to write about ‘the taste’. in fact, it’s absolutely ok and i’d prefer if u don’t bc i personally think that gets a bit weird. u can mention there IS a taste, but u don’t have to get into particulars bc that can get kinda icky. like ... it’s genitalia. we all know it won’t taste like a peach or whatever.

cis-women orgasm from oral sex, i think sometimes more often than they orgasm from actual penetrative sex? this is based off things i’ve read, and again, my own experience.

oral sex can take a loooong ass time to reach orgasm sometimes. it’s barely ever a two-reply-thread piece. it’s always gonna be longer then that, if ur writing it realistically. sometimes reaching climax during oral, for any gender, can take anywhere up to an hour ??? if we’re being generous ??? again, cis men are more likely to cum first, BUT good oral sex can be dragged on for a while, for anybody.

WRITING ASS / ANAL STUFF:

im gonna say it straight up. yes. it kinda feels like pooping almost when somebody fingers ur butt. but in a weirdly.. good way. idk how to describe it.

getting fingered in the ass is SLOW work. a finger will NOT just go in, especially not DRY. u need saliva / lube. you need the other person to be relaxed, or breathing, and u need to coax them through it all.

u don’t really know whats going on back there if ur on the receiving end. like. u can’t TELL by feeling on what’s going on. real talk: a guy fingered me once and i thought it was two fingers, but it was 3, and then later- when he put his dick in it was fine as well bc he’d relaxed me and gotten me to feel rlly comfortable and Safe. so TRUST me thats important when writing butt stuff. i can’t stress it enough.

it feels Strained. like it isn’t necessarily painful the entire time, but u can FEEL very full. so yeah, nobody is gonna have a finger in their ass and then immediately be ready for another, or be bouncing back , knuckle deep. u need a lot of patience and time for this.

if ur a cis-female... butt stuff is Fine, but its not a way to achieve orgasm, bc honestly there’s nothing stimulating u. it feels nice and the Roughness can be a kink, but u probably won’t orgasm / cum from it

use a lot of spit and a LOT of lube

u can’t just shove a dick / multiple fingers in someones ass either. u gotta stretch it out. take ur time. it literally can take an hour + sometimes more to get someone relaxed and stretched out enough. the amount of spit / lube and fingering needed is ridiculous

when it comes to ass stuff- make sure ur character is BREATHING in order to relax their muscles. everytime they’re relaxed, everything moves easier (this just goes for sex stuff in general too!)

eating ass is a thing, and look- ur not meant to ‘douche’ regularly bc apparently it’s bad for u. so if ur writing abt anal / butt stuff, u do NOT need to write abt anything poopy related or any of the douching stuff. its a silent rule, just like in real life. we don’t talk abt it djknfgnkjd

honestly, the overall feeling of Butt Stuff is just one of being Full and a lil Stretched, and if ur into Pain / a very different feeling then it’s a Good Feeling bc it just is all abt trusting n putting ur body in someone else’s hands (and fingers)

getting ur ass eaten feels warmer / more pleasurable than fingers bc a tongue in general is just nicer and softer then fingers are.

spread them cheeks, boys, girls and non gender conforming folk

if ur gonna touch a cis-girls ass with ur tongue or fingers or anything... pls make sure ur stimulating her clit at the same time. i promise that can make things speed up in terms of relaxation and pleasure v quickly.

always ask a cis-male before going near his ass (but also in general, always ask before doing anything), especially rlly Straight Dudes bc they get SUPER defensive abt their own ass being touched

anal stuff can be GREAT for foreplay just bc it’s a bit risque and it’s a bit Rougher and Harder just bc it’s a tighter hole. so, honestly yeah a lil finger in the ass whilst being eaten out isn’t terrible, or being fingered there at the same time as being fingered elsewhere can also feel pretty Spicy, depending on ur taste

for cis-men, butt stuff can be a VERY quick way to orgasm. especially if ur blowing them / stroking them at the same time

anal / ass stuff isn’t for everyone. don’t write it if ur not comfortable. don’t do it if ur not comfortable.

WRITING AN ORGASM:

the body shakes, tenses, spasms and generally loses a little bit of control

ur grip turns very intense and Harsh

back arching is a Thing

hands yanking at hair is a Thing

for when a cis-man orgasms... it can happen quite suddenly, but it’ll be a little twitch, and u can FEEL them tense. fast movement is what usually gets them to orgasm Quicker, i’ve found.

for everybody else, i feel like it can be harder to achieve orgasm, but when it happens- your legs get all tense and squeeze the SHIT out of the head between them, and u definitely make some noise. orgasm can just happen, and sometimes with women especially.. it’s kinda easier to fake orgasm bc there’s never truly a Way To Tell physically???? this could be entirely wrong, of course, but there’s SO MUCH discussion and research based on the female orgasm that i feel like i can’t write anything abt it here bc it’s SO different for everyone.

just follow the general rule: ‘you’ll know when it happens’. ‘you’ll know when you know’.

orgasms won’t always happen. it can get CLOSE but not happen, and it’s not always some big disappointing, ‘blue-balls’ event. it happens, or it doesn’t. sometimes u can write amazing head, and the other character won’t cum, and u know what? that’s ok too.

#rph #rpc #im probably forgetting so much stuff #anyways pls dont be mean JKDFJNKFJN #im just a wh*re #with my wh*re experiences and life.#i dont know EVERYTHING ok so if i got smth wrong or worded smth wrong #let me know #guide #smut guide #smut help

490 notes · View notes

usertoxicyaoi · 5 years ago

Note

The reaction was really interesting. I agreed with a lot of Bright’s point and it was nice to see a different perspective. I really wish they had showed it in the show. You can tell Bright is really attached to Sarawat and it hurts his heart to see the pain. It also showed me that the finale could have been loads better with a few cute scenes and a proper discussion. This is what Bright was talking about. At the end of the day it was the lack of communication.

Ahh I loved that reaction video and I loved seeing Bright talking about Sarawat’s point of view. I’m sure one of the reasons they bought him was the amount of shit he was getting from some people. This however also showed me what the show lacked. Though I loved 2gether.. most of the time we saw things were Tine’s perspective. It would have really been good to see it from Sarawat’s perspective in the last episode. You can also see Bright’s frustration at times with how they portrayed Sarawat.

I assume you watching the reaction video atm! Let me say this boy gives me heart attacks like how thoughtful he is and wants to explain sarawat’s every move since episode 12 and why he acted the way he acted. I felt like he kept it inside for so long that it needed to be spoken out like when he wanted to see a reaction from P’Jennie how he looked away and then right back at her. He was so stressed and on the edge the whole time! How he repeatedly said he’s sorry for Sarawat cause he knows that everyone was sorry for Tine but didn’t get to see/understand his side of version. He also zoned out in a couple of scenes like this boy has sooo many emotions and it feels it’s too overwhelming for him(I feel that at least). I’m so grateful that Bright exists and talk about loving a man and to feel love so freely!! He could’ve said so much in the end but instead it was more like an apology for hurting Tine and how his character works. He understands Sarawat so much. I’ll cry. I didn’t thought my opinion would be that long... he’s speaking so enthusiastically about Sarawat and what his character taught him. This boy is really a blessing for the 2gether + lgbt+ community I love him he’s a child like a babie :((

Bright just wants to smooch his co-star but the universe won’t let him.

hiii anons!!! i’m gonna combine all of your asks into one bc we’re all essentially talking about the same thing.

yeah. so. the ep 13 reaction video. lets talk about it.

firstly, i ... it will never cease to astound me just how much bright loves sarawat? he knows him with every fibre of himself. he knows sarawat right down to the tendon and bone of him. like. bright’s taken so much time out to character study sarawat, get into his psyche and mind and heart. and. i hate novel! sarawat, but, bright’s taken that character, and made it his own, completely transforming him. and that takes so much understanding and commitment and passion. truly, we don’t deserve bright. we really don’t. and i am so thankful we got bright to play sarawat. no body else could have done sarawat better than bright. so much so that like .... they both overlap, bright and sarawat. sometimes its hard to distinguish where sarawat ends and bright begins.

and like some of yall said, i think it was a very clever ... move (?) ... to star bright to react to ep 13, solo, without win. bc, like yall mentioned, and like im gonna dwell on now: 2gether was entirely from tine’s perspective. it reminds me a bit of skam, in that way, that ... ya know even tho i’ve watched skam and i should KNOW this, but i still forget just how POWERFUL perspectives are. and how much they influence your way of thinking. i touched upon this after ep 12, but now after watching bright react to the whole of ep 13, like, it comes back to that. we saw everything through tine’s eyes. and so, it felt like, sarawat’s side needed to be justified. but it could never be done on the show bc the show was about tine’s perspective. and the only way it could have been done, is if they both would have talked.

which brings me onto my next point, that bright mentions - the biggest barrier and fault was they both don’t know how to talk. i touched upon this just yday actually, how sarawat is someone who doesn’t know how to talk, he’s more of a do-er (like bright said), whereas tine is someone who overthinks himself to the point of sickness and anxiety and so he doesn’t know how to voice that out, and like bright said, tine is someone who is EXTREMELY obedient - if someone says something to him to do, tine will go along and do that and won’t say no to them. which means that tine himself has had very little experience of going with his gut and how he feels, and when he comes face to face in a situation like that, it becomes Very overwhelming for him.

so, it was really clever to have bright on, solo, to explain everything from his and sarawat’s perspective. especially the bit where bright was like “everytime someone flirted with tine, wat never once questioned his trust for tine or their love, he would go directly to the person in question and deal with them.” and ... ya know, that’s more easier for sarawat to do, than it is for tine, who isn’t like that at all - like bright said, tine is the more obedient one who just follows along everybody else’s suggestions and has never really used his agency to decision make for himself.

and so ... yeaah. like. people sent a LOT of verbal abuse to bright after ep 12. and bright even said he knew it would happen, bc the entire series is from tine’s perspective, he understood that from well before. so he says he was prepared, but he still didn’t come on social media that often bc he got so much verbal abuse over it.

and like, i’ve said before, just like how jennie and go said in the reaction video, that we should have got less flashbacks in the finale, and instead, we could have had a more sweeter scene. that could have been and should have been a proper, open and honest conversation between tine and sarawat, or, as bright suggested, a kiss. so, ya know, as some people were saying that maybe bright was just uncomfortable about kissng win??? no. no he wouldnt be AT ALL. it just ... never occured in the script. but yeah. i think .......... it really did get to bright - that sarawat never on the show got a chance to explain.

which honestly makes me feel like thats why half the time he would improvise as sarawat? and add in things he KNOWS sarawat would/should do bc he KNOWS the depths of his love for tine so he used those moments so smartly to show that (a sign of v v v good acting!!!). like a marriage proposal, or putting tine’s hand over his shoulder, or adding in cheek kisses. like. bright’s really gone over and beyond for sarawat and tried to show just how intensely in love wat is with tine, with the little space and room for manoeuvre that he got granted.

idk if the some of scripts were written in a rush? i mean, 2gether was the FIRST show from gmmtv to air in 2020 - if i’m correct???? - so, between november to february, the had to get everything shooted and done, but they MUST have started script writing earlier than that. idk ...

personally, i do wish we did get some more of the novel scenes in the show. like, sarawat and tine coming out to sarawat’s dad was SUCH a BEAUTIFUL scene in the novel but we never got it on the show. why? bc it was from sarawat’s perspective, not tine’s. another really nice scene, is the cinema scene where they held hands, but on the show we got a different version of it, where instead, they talked about a happy or tragic ending before tine decides to accept being wat’s boyfriend and they hug (i like that scene though, purely bc we got to see win’s crying which was !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING! and the hug was SUPER sweet!).

but yeah, it .... idk. seeing bright in that reaction video in some moments Hurt. bc .... there was so much he wanted to say but he kept it in. and he’d just glance and sigh and look down or away bc he GETS sarawat in a way i think nobody else does. and so ..... had the show had more time, or was able to cut out some scenes and replace them with other and rewrite bits, we could have gotten sarawat’s perspective, and not had the show completely butcher sarawat’s image in ep 12 the way they did, only for them to then have less than one episode, a finale no less, to save his face again, whilst also tying up every other plot at the same time.

like, bright has SO MUCH to offer as sarawat. and bright says he doesnt know about a season 2 (yet), but, ya know, if we ever got to see tine and sarawat again, i kinda wish they allow bright more freedom - bc he understands his character a lot more better than the writers do, i feel. he gets sarawat on soul deep level. so i just wish they’d give bright more freedom to be sarawat. and i have no doubt that, if that had been the case, we would have gotten a LOT more physical intimacy between tine and sarawat. i’m not mad about the lack of it, but, i’m assuming that bright would have really made sarawat be a lot more physical with tine. but at the same time, i agree with bright when he said that tine and wat are people who show their affections to one another in private - which is why i am SO ...... upset that we never got to see tine and wat ALONE in the one year later scene, bc, like i said, they WOULD have been a LOT LOT LOT more intimate then. but they weren’t alone. so they weren’t intimate. which. yeah.

but at the same time, ya know, bright’s so .... like. he gets where the hurt for tine stems from. just like how he gets sarawat’s character, he gets tine’s too. but like he said, he’s lived and breathed wat since day one - and so, i think he just really wanted a chance to explain everything from sarawat’s point of view. he really didn’t need to apologise at all, and yet he did, on behalf of wat hurting tine.

so whilst i know its just said that oh ya know bright should just write the whole of s2, i kinda wish, if we were to get one, that they writers would sit down and LISTEN to bright and win and take some input of theirs in, since, they’re the ones who KNOW their characters and play them.

but yeah, bright’s mind. his intellect. his knowing of sarawat ............. it will never cease to amaze to me just how dedicated he was at an emotional and psychological level to play sarawat.

#faiza answers

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loopy-froots · 3 years ago

Text

Introduction Post! (TW: SA, PTSD, etc.)

Hello slasher fandom! I’m fairly new to this side of tumblr, so forgive me if I don’t understand how all this works yet! I just thought I’d introduce myself because I’ve already posted drawings and fanfiction writings so far, but maybe some of you want to know who’s behind it? If not that’s totally fine, just keep scrolling! But if you’re curious, keep reading! Btw! I’d love to get to know any of you as well, so feel free so say hi! :^]

Facts about me:

I go by the name Donn on this blog (for safety reasons I won’t be sharing my actual or preferred name anywhere on this blog, sorry!)

I chose the name Donn because of the name coming from the Celtic god of dead souls (I’m a Celtic witch by blood so I thought it’d be fitting)

My preferred pronouns when I write are she/they (leaning towards she atm because of some personal issues I deal with irl, but irl I prefer they/them more strictly… does that make any sense?)

Anyways, I’m 18+ and I very much prefer my viewers to be 18+ ONLY because of the NSFW content I post… and I also don’t want to influence anyone that impressionable cuz I have a kinda fucked up mindset atm…

But I hope that’s alright! I know kids will do what they want, and there’s not always much we can do to stop it, but please just be respectful of my wishes and DNI!

I have severe PTSD from many irl traumas that have happened to me throughout my life, and I currently live in an kind of abusive household, so my mental health has not been good…

That’s partially why I started drawing and writing fandom stuff cuz it’s currently what’s keeping me going!

I have diagnosed Adhd, but I take meds for it and am doing slightly better with my productivity! That’s why I’ve been able to crank out as much content as I have in the past few days!

I have undiagnosed autism, but it’s a work in progress cuz I’m like pretty sure I am autistic (for many reasons, the more you get the know me the more obvious it’ll get)

I am disabled in many ways: chronic physical and mental pain/illnesses, hard of hearing, etc.

I’m extremely liberal so DNI if you’re gonna be a bigot or anything cuz I will block you!

I have a partner (Who does not know about this blog yet cuz I’m v shy about sharing this kinda stuff with the people I love… partially cuz of my trauma from past relationships)

Ive suffered from THREE separate abusive romantic relationships… all of which kinda fucked with my head… so forgive my insecurities and everything! (I’m working on it tho!) but this partner I’m currently with is AMAZING AND LOVING so I’m v happy with them!

TW! I’m a S/A survivor, and it was by a friend I trusted, so I get very skittish by people irl because of the betrayal… but I find it easier to get to know people online cuz it’s not as traumatic imo

As you can see, I overshare EVERYTHING for literally no reason… like it just gushes out of me without me being able to stop it… Sorry if you’re unhappy with it! Feel free to block me if it bothers you!

I am currently seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist!! They both help me a lot with functioning as a normal person (even tho there’s no real such thing as a “normal” person imo, but it helps me survive in the society I live in)

I used to be goth, but now I’m forever torn between being goth again or being a cottagecore lesbian lol (I usually dress femme even tho my brain makes me feel like a boy a lot of the time…?)

I am extremely bisexual! Like holy shit! How come everyone is so hot?? Lol but seriously, I go all ways (I know some people say that’d make me pan but I prefer the term bisexual over being pan)

I used to be a little, but I’m not anymore because too many people took advantage of me when I was in my little mindset… I don’t let myself regress anymore unless I’m absolutely alone, but that’s rarely ever (my little age was around 10 btw)

I am extremely sensitive and am an empath! I feel my emotions EXTREMLY STRONG so I overreact to everything, am very passionate about the things I’m in love with, and cry at any given moment! I cannot and will not help it! I’ve been told too many times that I’m too sensitive and that I’m a crybaby and that my heart is too big for my body, but I don’t care anymore! Im refusing to see this as anything but a blessing for now on! Sensitive bitches are the baddest bitches lol

I used to get lots of hallucinations/psychosis, but I take meds for it and am now much better and less paranoid!

I still get paranoid about social situations tho for time to time, as im a very insecure person :(

Im a switch/power bottom! I like to be dominant on occasion, but I prefer to be a bratty sub most of the time!

I am a collector of taxidermy things!! I have several insects on my walls, as well as animal paw jewelry! If you don’t like it that’s alright! Just don’t tell me cuz I will block you! I make sure all my collection items are from humane sources and all the animals die naturally in the wild!

I am a HARDCORE clown/masked person fan… like clowns are sooo gay and sexy like why must you jingle jangle your lil clown bells when you dance like that??😩 and masked persons are just so mysterious and sexy omg

Cicero fro Skyrim was literally my clown sexual awakening… murder clown man… with a squeaky voice… yes… must have!

My first sexual awakening tho was probably Danny Phantom (Which is sooo funny cuz my partner actually named themself after him… coincidence? I think not! God does have a plan! Lol jk… unless?🥺👉🏻👈🏻)

Yes, I use the 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 emojis unironically… no, I’m not proud of it😔

HMU if you relate to any of this or just want to be friends! I’m literally so desperate for friends cuz my old roommate made me cut ties with them and then they spread rumors about me to all my other friends until no one would talk to me anymore… :( so I’m v lonely run…

But anyways, yeah that’s basically me… a huge mess but I’m on my way to getting better I guess…?

If you’re still reading all of this, THANK YOU KIND BEING! You are unlike any other…🥺❤️

Okay bye loves!

#my post #slashers #slasher community #slasher fandom #get to know me #get to know the writer #get to know the artist #get to know the author #get to know the person behind the blog #get to know the creator #tw #tw sa #tw trauma #tw ptsd #Adhd #autism #tw depression

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miss-ali-lawliet · 4 years ago

Note

Hello

For the ask game:

3. what do you think about Light? 10, 24 and 25, please.

Thank you for the asks and honestly great questions!! I have a feeling this most is going to be a bit long, so hopefully I can get my thoughts and everything out in a way that’s easy to keep up with!

Also spoiler warning for those who haven’t finished the series!

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3. What do you think about Light?

I honestly have SO many mixed feelings about him, like it’s hard to just be like ‘oh i hate him’ or ‘oh I love him’ because it just isn’t that simple for me personally, which that itself is a great sign of a character since you have to think about that sort of thing with them. Right off the bat though, I’d like to say that I think Light as a character is phenomenal. He takes the character-type of what many would consider as the ‘perfect guy’ for the main character but twists it in a way that makes the reader/viewer question the protagonist their supposed to be rooting for.

I also think of Manga!Light and Anime!Light as different people to an extent, as in the manga you watch a seemingly ‘normal’ guy who has issues with the world deal with the sudden power that was thrown on him. I talked about it before in my last ask post, but the scene after Light killed his first person after testing out is a great way to express how he feels, and is one of the few times we really see Light show THAT much emotion. He shows regret and guilt, thinking himself as a murderer and you can tell how it affected him. Anime!Light you don’t get that, and instead he seemed to just take on the task of being Kira and god of the new world without much else thought. I definitely prefer M!Light in comparison to A!Light to say the least, so I’m going to focus a bit more on the M!Light side of things.

I personally found myself wanting to have hope for Light, even though I knew that he wasn’t going to get better but instead worse over time, and honestly it’s probably better story wise to keep him as the ‘bad guy’ who stays bad instead of trying to pull a redemption arc out of no where or something. I have a feeling I’m beginning to ramble, so I’m going to try to wrap this up.

I have a love-hate relationship with Light, because even though I don’t agree with his actions and the tactics he uses to get the ‘perfect world’ he wants, and I do find his thinking flawed and find him very arrogant the more power/ego Kira gains over the world as the story goes on. Yet I find him as a character in general just fascinating. I was definitely more on L’s side of things and found myself enjoying a majority of the scenes where people simple put Light in his place and treat him like a dude with a god complex rather than what he wants/expects. There’s just a lot of thoughts I have about him, but yeah it’s just a love-hate sort of thing for me when it comes to Light.

~~~

10. Do you ship any characters?

I usually find myself being a bit of a multishipper when it comes to most fandoms, it just depends on the source material and the characters obviously. I definitely can enjoy a lot of the ships when it comes to the fandom, but even if I don’t like a pairing I do my best to remain pretty respectful about it.

One thing to note is that I can’t really find myself shipping L with anyone in the series to be honest, like I can find myself enjoying his relationship dynamics of characters but with my own interpretations and DR stuff, It’s hard to view him with someone else romantically.

Some ships I like/don’t mind though (especially when it comes to au stuff as most of these in canon probably wouldn’t work out lol): Matt x Mello, Mikalight, Rem x Misa ig? (more like the concept is sweet i think even though in canon Misa treats her pretty badly and Rem said she doesn’t think of her that way), uhhh. My brain is pulling a blank right now but these are the main ones that come to mind.

Some platonic pairings I enjoy (as there are a lot more of these for me): Matt + Mello, Mello + Near, Matsuda + Misa, Honestly all the task force have really interesting dynamics with one another, L + Watari (obviously in a father/parent way, I just like seeing their interactions), Ryuk + Light, Ryuk + Misa, L + Matsuda’s relationship is honestly pretty funny to me and honestly L’s dynamics with the task force is also interesting as well.

I think that’s it when it comes to shipping stuff atm

~~~

24. Any headcanons you’d like to share?

Oh! I feel like I have a couple but at the moment my mind is pulling a blank for some reason. Some head canons that do come to mind though deal with my Death Note DRs in some way but they can also be interpreted with the actual series itself, so hopefully this is good enough! Usually I do better with a certain prompt of some sort though for future references though!

I’ve seen a post a bit ago about Matt and Mello being roommates of some sort at Wammy House and they find themselves in that roommate mentality still when they do room together, and honestly I agree so much with that.

When Mello leave the Wammy House I see him not contacting Matt or anyone from Wammy House as he turns his focus on his side of the Kira Case, even if apart of him misses them and what he grew up around. Yet he pushes through because he’s stubborn and wants to do whatever he can on his own with the Mafia without involving someone like Matt, probably for his safety. After the explosion though when he has no one on his side, I think that’s when he realizes there’s only one other person he can truly trust and rely on and that’s when he contacts Matt to help him on the case.

Not really a headcanon as the author himself mentioned that the rivalry between Mello and Near was one-sided and that Near actually liked Mello, I do see both boys sometimes wondering what it would have been like if they didn’t have that rivalry and became friends instead. I honestly see Mello thinking that more towards the end of the case and after the explosion, but at that point he’s probably thinking it’s too late to even pursue a friendship like that with him.

I like to think that at Wammy House, Matt didn’t really understand Mello’s rivalry with Near and at times questioned him about it at first but he was pretty supportive

He didn’t have anything against Near though and was pretty indifferent on the whole thing personally, but if it made Mello happy and helped him achieve a goal he had no reason to deny.

Matt in general in general is someone that gives the vibes of not caring about much, but if you’re close to him he is literally SO loyal?? Like if someone close to him has an issue, even if he might make a comment or remark, he is always there to back them up.

I like to think that over time Light actually enjoys Ryuk’s presence, kind of like a sense of some sort of comfort that he isn’t alone of some sort? Like at first he might have been annoyed and still gets annoyed whenever he acts annoying and distracts him from work, but also I think he doesn’t like hate his company. Probably would rather be around him than Misa unfortunately </3

I think that L and Chief Yagami had a pretty good friendship, or perhaps not friendship but i’m not sure what to call it atm. Like I think L respected him a lot and Soichiro was the same towards him, and I think at times if they decided not to talk about the Kira case it’s usually pretty good for the most part.

It’s not really a headcanon but Matsuda trying his best to get some positive attention for things he does in the case is funny and kinda sweet. Most of the time L probably ignores his antics and doesn’t really feed into it, but there’s like one or two times where he actually does

It’s probably very small, probably something along the lines of “Good job.” or something but Matsuda feels so happy that he even acknowledged him like that and didn’t call him stupid for once. Definitely was a good boost in his mood

I find the thought of Light and Ryuk playing video games early on when he first gets the notebook charming in an almost funny way. Like Light probably either was talked into it by the shinigami or was like ‘screw it, I have nothing else to do atm’ and Ryuk is just happy he can actually do something and not just watch him working

Light is definitely competitive in games though, like he’ll probably try to act like it wouldn’t matter but like most things with him, but it did lmao

I find the thought of the wammy kids doing things to mess with/annoy Roger so entertaining. Like I feel bad for him, but if I were asked to assist in the pranks or antics I probably would just for his reaction alone

Think that’s all for random misc head canons for now, if you want something more specific just send a request!

~~~

25. Ramble on about whatever you’d like

Thank you for this one! I usually feel a little guilty whenever I ramble on about things in general, but the fact that some people are interested in my thoughts on things is so sweet!

At the moment though I’m honestly not too sure what to ramble about as there’s a lot on my mind and it’s hard to pick one thing and honestly it can be a bit hard to go through all my thoughts at times.

But! One thing I will always stand behind that ya’ll have probably seen countless of times so far is that the Wammy Boys deserved better and I will always say it if necessary tbh. Speaking of wammy house though, that comes to mind is that I wish I could learn more about it at times, yet I also enjoy the mystery of it in a way. It’s something I’d be so down to learn more about, but if not I’d be pretty okay with that outcome. Plus just leaves things for fans to interpret in their own ways if they want, and that’s something I definitely enjoy when it comes to the fandom is how they take something vague and turn it into so much more.

Also speaking of the fandom I’m surprised yet so thankful/grateful for is that the death note fandom is still going on here. It was such a relief seeing that I wasn’t alone in my hyperfixions and thoughts, and seeing all the talent in the art, writing, etc, is just amazing and something I look forward to a lot in all honesty. I’m also just so thankful for the people that take time out of their day to look at my blog in general. You like, reblog, or follow me? I literally want to be your best friend and if I wasn’t so nervous about starting conversations with ya’ll I definitely would have messaged a couple of ya’ll a while ago. Until then I hope you just read this and see me on your blogs and hope my reactions and comments is enough until I get less nervous lmao.

One last thing before i close the blog off is that I love L with my full heart and I adore Matt and Mello so very much. My favorite lads <3

~~~

Alright that should be it for this post! If you stuck around, thank you!

Some future posts to expect: Matt, Mello, + a f!reader based on the dream I talked about before, some L angst, and possibly something with Light :)

Anyways have a great day/night and here’s a reminder to stay hydrated and eat something if you haven’t already <3

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